Cullenary Coupling
by BookishQua
Summary: What if Edward lied to everyone, & it really was all about Bella's scent? AU of entire TS on how, why, & when ExB fell in love using a completely different plot. Romance, hilarity, mystery and angst. Rated M. Canon Couples. Dark Edward, Lots of Snark
1. Prologue

Because so many authors have been yanking down their stories, I feel the need to make a statement before you start reading mine. It's staying here. I posted it for over two years, and I'm not about to tear it down. It's fanfiction. It's free. And it's here for your entertainment. You have my word on that. And if that is not enough to convince you, then this reason should. This story is so highly intertwined with the Twilight Universe that SM created that in the highly unlikely event I did decide to publish it - I could not because I'd have to have her permission. Really. *blinks* *raises right hand* Honest. Evil author's honor.

Please review if you can. I answer every one. If you go to the review section of Twilighted (dot) net where this story also appears, you'll see proof. I'd love to hear feedback from you so I can learn to be a better writer. I welcome constructive criticism. The story summary is below. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

**Snarky Story Summary: What if in the beginning Edward lied to everyone about being in love with Bella? What if originally it actually was all about Bella's scent? And what would happen then if accidentally, much against his will, Edward kind-of-sort-of fell head over heels in love with this not-so-dull-after-all human girl? This is an AU of the entire Twilight Saga using an entirely different plot as to how, why, and when Edward and Bella fell in love. It offers a different explanation for what was so special about Bella Swan, why Edward vigilantly enforced those physical boundaries, why there's tension between the Cullens and the wolves, and why Edward behaved the way he did not only with Bella but with his family. Expect romance, mystery, angst, and humor. It has canon pairings, and does not have BxExJ.**

**The story is told out of chronological order and you can expect it to be long, detailed, with a complicated mystery that kicks in about chapter twelve. The first eleven chapters of this story come across as light-hearted, comedic with a twinge of angst, and seem to loosely follow canon - the prologue especially. Don't be fooled into thinking it's a post-Eclipse/Pre-Breaking Dawn clone.**

**Starting with the Heart of Darkness arc, is the genesis of the tale, and it is told from EPOV. The style will change at that point as well. You would have no problem understanding this story if you want to start there - although if you do, please promise me you'll read both twelve and thirteen. The last line of thirteen makes me misty-eyed. At the conclusion of the back story, we'll pick up where chapter eleven left off to conclude our tale by starting its final arc. If I do it right, the Heart of Darkness arc should make the first eleven chapters take on a different meaning.**

**This story is rated M because of occasional naughty language, violence (or implied violence) against humans, vampires, werewolves, animals, insects, minding their own business pajamas, entities, books, coffee tables, leather recliners, sword ferns, shrubs, rocks, and worst of all...trees. It is also rated M due to excessive snarkiness by a dark Edward, references to underage drinking, practical jokes and/or enthusiastic tormenting of secondary characters particularly Mike Newton, Jacob Black, and Charles Swan, and sexual content. If suspense and violence disturbs you, this might not be the story for you. If you have any further questions about the content of this story before beginning it, please feel free to PM me.**

* * *

I have links on my profile for pictures that I use with some of the chapters that help clarify the content. There is one for this section that shows a place Edward likes to go to think.

All Hail to my amazing validating beta vjgm

Many thanks to LJ Summers and Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. All original characters in the story are mine. So there.

I answer every review. But if you have your PM's disabled, then I cannot contact you. The prologue sets up the story, and the humor kicks in during chapter one.

* * *

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

**Prologue**

Greeting their mates, three of the Cullen men boisterously entered the mansion in Forks, trailed by a reticent fourth, having returned from a four-day hunting excursion carousing through the Canadian wilderness. Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett dashed to the sides of their overjoyed spouses, and the lone male vampire in the room cast his eyes aside, as he shrugged off his muddy coat and hung it on a hook. Instead of his fiancée, Edward found a note waiting for him. It read, "With Dad, Seth and Leah. Back at 4. Promise." He traced with his index finger the heart she had drawn at the bottom of the card.

Edward's olfactory senses, combined with the unspoken exclamations accompanied by crinkled nostrils from the Cullen women, told him that the hunting party badly needed to bathe. Due to accumulation of scents from dispatching and feeding from Roosevelt elk, mud from a fraternal wrestling match, and smoke from the campfire that Emmett had insisted on making over Edward's protests, they all reeked. Longingly, Edward calculated the minutes until he could see his Bella, factoring in taking time to shower and change.

"You go away for a few days and return the incarnation of Pig Pen from the Peanuts," Rosalie pushed her husband up the staircase, "Move it, buster."

Edward winced as he heard the door slam and lock in Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom accompanied by the sound of fabric tearing and earthy moans, of "I love you honey, but you really do stink," as Rosalie encouraged her mate to turn on the water and . . . Edward now had even more motivation to move at a speed the human eye could not capture, yet he remained feet glued to the front hallway's wooden floor and stared at the note.

Escaping through the back door, Alice and her husband ran hand-in-hand for the woods and considerately increased their speed in order to protect the occupants of the mansion from Jasper's gift. Edward attempted to free his mind of the mental image of what Alice had planned for her husband in their marital hot tub. Gulping, Edward shuddered in discomfort at the embarrassing reason why those siblings required separate quarters. He silently thanked the Heavens above that they had never repeated the infamous episode from fifty years ago in which Jasper's empathic enhanced feelings of passion for his spouse had impacted every vampire in the house. Despite the marching of time's fleet boots, he still recalled the agony caused by the bombardment of such powerful perceptions from every family member. And the impact on his own body - he cringed in remembrance.

Few things disturbed him more than being out of control, and at the first blast of passion and salacious thoughts, Edward had instinctively fled in horror in the sub-zero Alaskan blizzard. Unfortunately, his parents and siblings had not possessed such strong discipline. Circumstances had forced Edward to camp out for a very lonely eight months before he felt safe to return home.

In human terms, five seconds of time had elapsed since the men had crossed the threshold. Mentally bringing himself back to the present, Edward shook his head and tried to ignore the muted sounds now drifting from his parents' bedroom. Ew. From Carlisle's comments, Esme planned on wearing her nursing uniform once they finished their bath. . . There were many things he preferred not to have in his mental Rolodex concerning his family. He felt almost human in having that sentiment. Although he had only been in the house a few seconds, evidently, it was a few seconds too long.

Edward bolted for his car where he stored a bag packed for occasions such as this. Leaving Bella's note guarded in the trunk, he sprinted into the welcoming embrace of the green haven of the forest. Given the alternative, and despite his proper upbringing, he did not mind washing in a frigid lake in a deserted corner of the Olympic Park. Besides, ordinary vampires were not bothered by the temperature; so after ensuring he was alone Edward scrubbed the gore, filth, and smoke from his body at vampire velocity. He hid the bag with his soiled clothing in the branches of a tall tree, planned on reclaiming it later, and ran his favorite path. His hair dried in the wind.

Whereas he had grown accustomed to thinking of his existence a dichotomy of mortal and immortal, Edward now thought of his life in terms of Before Bella and After Bella. Prior to knowing her, Edward had regarded the soaring trees as his closest companions. They had kept his secrets, had not wanted anything from him, and had never argued.

Half an hour later, as a squirrel scampered away leaving him in peace, Edward sat on a branch high up in a tree. From his aerie fortress of reclusiveness he had a breathtaking view of the alpine scenery in the Olympic National Park. He had been so used to being on his own that his 'normal' sometimes struck him as a practice that Bella might find not-so-normal. Recalling the particular circumstances that led his sneakers to be swinging two hundred feet above the forest's floor, he wondered what Bella's reaction would be once she was immortal to the sounds of other vampires being intimate.

Instantly, he knew she would be mortified. With that image in mind, he cringed at the idea of her self-consciousness when she realized that others could hear them being affectionate, conjugally speaking, as well. Once he and Bella were properly married, in the State of Washington, Edward had every intention of making up for decades of abstinence and showing his wife the adoration she merited. He did not want to make her feel uncomfortable, so she truly had no idea of his difficulty in enforcing his gentlemanly upbringing. Considering her introverted personality, the notion of her discomfort with the family's close proximity, however, caused him considerable concern. Bella detested being the center of attention.

Alas, due to years of being on the receiving end of jests about his chaste nature, Edward could easily see Emmett aiming a skewering line or two at him, by habit, forgetting about his shy bride's new enhanced hearing range. The first time Emmett lobbed a tactless pun about their private life, Edward envisioned that Bella would avoid being intimate with him for months afterward, perhaps years. Leaving to live away from the family did not represent a viable option, as she would be a most likely raging newborn. Everyone with a lick of sense in the vampverse knew that newborns were hard to handle; and it would not be remotely practical, or safe to hie off alone with her. Eventually, he hoped, she would learn how to deal with their family's peculiar hearing abilities, but Edward preferred to postpone that trial as long as he possibly could.

Edward resolved to ask Esme to use her island when he returned home. Bella had mentioned more than once that she had enjoyed the warm weather in Arizona. She deserved to bask in sunlight before her spouse without fear of onlookers before her change. His eyes glazed over at the vision of Bella wearing a bikini. Utterly alone. No visitors. No men besides himself enjoying improper – he meant husbandly - intentions about his mate. No interruptions. For weeks. Edward fantasized of her walking in the sun's beams, long tresses kissed by gold lifted by the gentle breeze. He could see Fantasy Bella's initial hesitation at his regard before she broke into a luminous smile. Such a reward would make the current struggle to remain abstinent worthwhile, he decided. As an added benefit, he would not have to worry about his family mocking him - he meant them. He could keep their wedding night private as it should be.

Staring at his watch he realized the time and leapt to the ground below. After almost colliding with a tree, Edward elected to run one hundred fifty miles instead of his usual distance of seventy before seeing his beloved to ponder that scenario and work off some steam. One could not be too careful around his precious human fiancée. Bella would thank him for it later. Edward did not like to brag, but in that moment he felt like he was a vampire prince charming of consideration.

**Two months later**

Weeks before the wedding, Carlisle pounced upon Edward and insisted on having a 'sex talk' with his hapless son. Of course, the only positive side of this ambush was that Dr. Cullen the elder chose his time well. The females of the family were away and would be absent from the house for the next few hours. After sitting through a humiliating lecture on the theoretical mechanics of vampiric sexual intercourse with humans, Edward reminded Carlisle that he had graduated at the top of the class at not one, but two Ivy League medical schools. His Father smiled, briefly glanced at each graduation picture that hung on his office wall, congratulated Edward, and continued talking. Alas.

As the torture - parental lecture – continued, an outwardly composed Edward fumed behind a pious façade. Life was so unfair. Simply remaining a virgin all these years should illustrate his mastery at self-control. God knows he lusted after his bride. By all vampiric laws, since Bella was his singer, Nature dictated that he should have annihilated her on first scent, instead of stick around for all that falling in love business. Yet here he sat completely besotted with her and marveling at that fate. Vampirically speaking, Edward made Hercules appear like a weakling. He proved to himself daily running the equivalent of countless mental marathons that he exercised superior restraint in regards to Bella. Physically, he ran over five hundred miles a week to ensure that he kept his improper "urges" under control permitting him to be around his angel without that chomping-on-the-neck-in-all-the-wrong-ways business.

For the love of Pete, he had more experience being in a romantic relationship with a living human than the entire family combined. He knew his limits. Given his meticulous precautions and planning and research, what could possibly go wrong? Righteously, he thought, "Ever since Italy, I've been a model of vampiric control. Why else would I have even agreed to our bargain?"

His brothers entered the study. Apparently, they dreaded him having - what was it Jasper had called it? A prissy conniption fit. 'Ah, that's what he calls intellectual debating these days. Well, fine brothers dearest, have at it,' he declared. Not out loud. Why were they picking on him? He had carefully thought this through. He would not take risks with his Bella's safety. He knew better.

Their demeanor wiped the incipient irritated expression from Edward's face. Taking the chair to Edward's left, Emmett carefully lowered his massive frame. To leave, Edward would have to get past Emmett. Jasper took things one step further. Wintry-eyed, he leaned against the wall by the study door, arms crossed.

"So Edward, uh, we've been wondering how to ask you something," Emmett began. He clapped Edward across the shoulder in a brief one-armed man hug.

"Yes, Emmett?" Edward sighed wearily. Both men blocked their thoughts. This was fast becoming tedious.

"Well, the night you proposed, Alice had some sort of vision about the two of you - don't be mad!" he pleaded as Edward bristled. "She wanted to make sure we would be supportive of you. She never gave details. When we saw the spines on the sex manuals in your room had been cracked we kind of figured out what was going on. When you didn't bother to talk to any of us Jasper and I started to worry. We love Bella too, and we want the best for both of you."

Mystified and mortified, Edward cautiously asked, "I am not sure what you are trying to say. What does your love for Bella have to do with my and Bella's private life?"

Jasper baldly inquired, "How are you going to have sex with her as a human and not kill her?"

"I'll. Be. Careful," Edward icily replied. He gulped as he heard the triumphant mental snort from Jasper - apparently Alice really had held her tongue and they had guessed about the intimacy part with Bella as a human. Drat and damnation. He was toast.

"Leash your temper, Edward," Jasper insisted. "If you love Bella, you will be a man and directly answer the question." He paused and glared at Edward long enough for Edward to appreciate just how talented his brother had been as an interrogator during the Southern Wars. Alas. "How will you handle the strength difference? Has it even occurred to you that the simple decision of the sexual position you choose for your first time could kill her? Strength issues aside, what measures have you taken to control your blood lust?" Each question landed across Edward's stinging conscience like a cat-of-nine-tails.

Jasper reached casually to the bookshelf at his side, and withdrew a thick medical tome. Nonchalantly, he flicked open the cover and managed to split the book in half. It fell to the ground, pages fluttering.

"Oops," Jasper deadpanned.

They all stared at the corpse of the book's shattered spine twisted on the floor, pages writhing. Now this was becoming silly, Edward felt his composure slipping away as he tried to tear his gaze from the brown leather pieces on the carpet. He felt like an elephant had taken a seat on his sternum. How is it that everyone in the family seemed to think he was inept and incapable of caring for his bride?

Edward blustered, "I'll gorge myself the night before the wedding, of course. I have been researching for months. I have this under control. And the specifics of my and Bella's intimate life are none of your concern." Shifting in his chair, Edward looked away in discomfort. His fingers began to tap on the hand rest. Belatedly, Edward realized his father and brothers were staring pointedly at him and his hand froze.

Emmett chimed in, "Buddy, it is our business because you, in your inexperience, could easily kill Bella. Besides, you were the genius who decided to take her to a deserted island for your honeymoon."

Exasperated, Edward threw his hands up in the air and retorted, "I wanted privacy! We are always surrounded by others."

Jasper continued as if Edward hadn't even spoken, "There's also the issue that you have over a century's worth of sexual repression inside of you. How do you plan on letting that out in a way with your mortal wife that does not involve you losing control?"

Speaking of repression, Jasper was so uptight he'd only hold Alice's hand in public and that was toeing the line, Edward sniffed. And he has the gall to call me repressed? Mr. I-merrily-munched-on-mortals-for-decades-but-shiver-at-holding-my-wife-of-fifty-years'-hand-in-public is lecturing me? How ironic. And unfair. And so ending right now, thank you very much.

Aloud, Edward mildly rejoined, "What makes you the expert on human-vampire sexuality Jasper?"

Emmett was too stunned that his quiet brother was holding his own in a debate to speak.

Jasper studied the view from the window a moment, and suddenly the room was filled with emotions of shame and regret that made all that tension seem not so important, after all. Quietly, he explained, "I slept with five human women, Edward. Do you want to know how many actually survived the experience? Two. I had to change them all, and only one actually lived through the transition. I had been a vampire for sixty years, and before you ask, I, too, had gorged."

Edward began perusing the intricate carving of the clawed feet of Carlisle's desk. His survival instinct told him that it would be all kinds of awkward to point out to Jasper that his brother had been human blood dependent at the time, and therefore more prone to violence, while Edward relied upon other forms of sustenance to maintain his outstanding discipline. And he did not mean to be insensitive, but there was a substantial difference between intending to have loving marital relations with one human and fornicating with five human females at once. Mere manners kept him from saying so. Really, what had Jasper been thinking?

Emmett stayed frozen in his chair and made not a sound.

Elbows on the desk, his chin resting on his clasped hands, Carlisle moved his chair back and simply said, "Jasper, I'm so sorry. This discussion must be difficult for you."

Jasper nodded silently, and then turned his harsh stare back on Edward. "So yes, I think given my experience I am the closest thing to an expert in this house. We all know you're not going to ask the Denali sisters for advice. I cared for the welfare of all five of those women, but I did not love any of them." Edward could detect exactly how Jasper felt about that part of his history. So could his family. He remained silent.

When it became uncomfortable, Carlisle broke the quiet and asked, "Edward, how would you feel, loving Bella as you do, if you killed her because your pride would not permit you to accept help from your family? And if you do lose control, it would be a horrendous introduction to sex for Bella. Son, stop acting foolish."

From their thoughts, they envisioned all sorts of ghastly images that bounded into his brain. Of course, Jasper, hands down, was the winner in that round as all he had to do was remember what actually had happened with those five women. Desperately, Edward blocked them when he noticed his hands were shaking.

He fell on his last defense, "But Alice..." He had not asked her specifically for anything concerning his potential sex life with Bella; but she had seen their future as being happy.

Jasper interrupted, "Knows we are having this discussion with you, but not what we were going to say. Why do you think she created excuses for everyone to be out of the house? She wanted you to have privacy."

Under the withering force of Jasper's ruthless logic, Edward's ego deflated. Ever so kindly, his sibling added another blow. "For someone who overthinks everything Edward, I'm aghast at your carelessness. I don't know if anyone bothered to tell you; but next to the desire for blood, the sensations associated with sexual intercourse are the most powerful urge a vampire feels. During it, oftentimes even after feeding, you can experience raging blood lust. That is why Alice and I leave the house to be intimate. It is not simply about protecting you all from my empathic abilities. We have to hunt afterwards to recover, since it would be rather inconvenient if I beamed blood lust at the house, too. Remember, we've had fifty years to practice." Edward felt foolish - still in the moral high ground, yet foolish nonetheless.

Emmett offered Edward a sympathetic pat on the arm and said, "I've never told you this but Rose and I keep blood stored in our room so we don't have to leave the house after sex. The desire for blood can get pretty intense if you aren't prepared for it. And I don't have to worry too much about Rose's safety because she's immortal. I can't break her. Bella being human is not. Did you forget Phoenix and how easily she could be harmed? And even by human standards she's fragile."

As Edward realized the meaning of their words, he wilted. In his efforts to escape and afford his family privacy, he honestly had never bothered to notice. The manuals he had been reading probably did not mention this because vegetarians had different blood consumption habits than human blood dependent vampires did. He looked at Carlisle for confirmation and noted his silence, sinking down into his chair even more.

Then Emmett added insult to injury in his usual blunt manner.

"Edward, you've never even made it to second base for crying out loud! You've never had sex. How can you be careful when you don't know how you'll feel? The books you've been reading are all about vampires having sex with vampires. They do not say anything about having sex with humans, other than insisting it be avoided at all costs. Or did you not read that page in the manual? And buddy, the never wrote a manual about um, you."

Edward whispered, "Alice said it would work." Well, she hadn't precisely said that but she had meant it, he tried to say and choked instead.

Emmett answered calmly, "Alice also saw Bella dead a few months ago. Remember how accurate that vision was? As you well know Alice is not always 100% correct. Her visions depend upon tiny little decisions being made. Do you really want to have your wedding night spent with you having Alice on speakerphone during sex with Bella checking your every move before you touch your wife? Gee that sounds like a happy honeymoon to me. That would scar Bella for eternity. My man, you'd never get any after that."

Jasper added the coup de grace, "With all that you have been through, you know better than to assume that you will have perfect control, Edward. Clearly, you're still too young to think things through."

Edward gulped. He remained silent. They had all made their point. He was a buffoon. A thoughtless selfish one. And he wasn't Emmett's 'man' he was his brother. He'd have to clear up that confusion later.

"Did the agreement entail vaginal intercourse, or could you simply use your hands or mouth to fulfill your end of the bargain?" Carlisle gently inquired. Edward cringed at his Father's thoughts that accompanied the word "mouth." Carlisle gave new meaning to the phrase nibbling on the ear.

Faced with his family's arguments, Edward finally broke. Briefly, he hung his head in his hands as his mind raced. Then he exploded, "I promised to try." He sat uncomfortably in the room as his family waited for him to continue talking, damn them. Seven interminable minutes later he realized they were going to wait him out. So he spoke in a shaky voice, "I planned to go slowly and . . .." his voice evaporated.

Jasper snorted.

Defensively, Edward sat straighter in his chair, "That is why I have been reading all the manuals. I do not want to disappoint her, and I need to keep my word. I chose the island because I did not want her to be self-conscious." Earnestly, he continued, "Bella is shy. She embarrasses so easily, and takes everything so personally. She would not be comfortable having sexual intercourse knowing you all were nearby. I wanted to make her first time special. I did not want her to fear intimacy as a result of keeping my word, though." Edward's face crumpled. He appeared like he was going to hyperventilate.

Emmett decided some humor was in order now that they had made their point. He mock-chided Edward, "You know you would have been far better off if you would have just slept with Tanya a few times to get some practice seventy years ago when she first tried to seduce you. We all saw her naked, and she was hot, even if she had the extreme version of a Brazilian. But don't worry, since she and her family are coming tomorrow, you might get your chance. You could learn a thing or two from her that might be useful. And we all know she'd be such an eager instructor."

Edward's lip curled in revulsion as ticked his fingers with each point, "Did it ever occur to you that; first, I was not attracted to someone who simply tired to seduce me for sport? Simply because my lack of interest was breaking her track record? Besides, grass does not grow on a heavily trod path." He may have had a fourth point but the laughter drowned it out.

Jasper, Emmett, even the always kind Carlisle chortled at his uncharacteristically blunt words. If it were possible for vampires to cry while laughing, Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett would have needed handkerchiefs by now.

"Well, hey Edward," Emmett guffawed, "I think if you want to stick to your original plan you should just sit Bella down. Why not tell her that you plan on sleeping with a few human girls in the next two weeks to make sure they survive the process, for research purposes? I'm sure Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley would be eager to give you a hand. Bella is so kind and selfless, I'm sure she would give you her blessing. Particularly on Lauren."

They all burst into laughter again. Emmett, damn him, had a point. Bella really would kill him if he made that suggestion. Not, mind you, that he even considered engaging in that particular activity with anyone else. He had standards. Some.

"Thank you for your concern. I will give your arguments serious consideration. Can we talk about alternatives later on this evening? I have to find a way of upholding my promise to her, and keeping her happy."

On that note, Edward retreated from the study. The second he was out of sight, his tranquil features uncharacteristically betrayed his inner terror and he raced to his room. Drat, Jasper would catch that. He needed to consult his reference books. As he stared at the shelves of them he wondered how he could possibly make this work. He was running out of time.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper all watched Edward depart. They could tell they had managed to convey their point, despite their brother's stubborn nature. Jasper rejoiced when he felt the panic from Edward because hopefully that meant he finally understood the depth of his stupidity.

Carlisle wrote on a piece of paper, "Jasper, I think we made our point clear. How was he feeling?"

At vampire speed, Jasper scribbled, "Complete panic and shame and regret. I'll have a better idea tonight, but I think he's going to be open to our help."

Emmett wrote, "How are we going to do that? They're going to be on an island alone."

Jasper responded, "No, Emmett, they're not. We're going to sneak in ahead of them. I've already figured out a plan. It's brilliant and Edward will still be keeping his word to Bella."

They managed to carry out this activity while conducting a conversation about the latest adjustments they planned on making to Emmett's jeep, while pretending to draw plans for modifications. It's not like Edward could see what they were doing, and he'd expect them to block their thoughts after a conversation like that, regardless.

Upstairs in his room, Edward sighed. He closed the reference book he had consulted. His brothers and Father were right. Pride smarting, he returned to the study and entered to face his family and own up to his foolishness.

"I would appreciate any help you have to offer, provided it is conducted in a manner that keeps Bella from being humiliated. I have to leave now, but can we talk later tonight? I have to pick up Bella in a little while."

They all agreed and he left the house. With all the wedding activities going on, he realized just how hectic everything was going to be for the next few days. The only way he had begrudgingly agreed to being subjected to a bachelor party was if it was done far in advance of the actual wedding. Tonight, unfortunately, was the night. He was going to be busy running errands right up to the moment the party started. Edward worried because he would not be in the house when Bella met the Denali sisters in person for the first time. Thankfully Alice and Rosalie and the rest of the family had promised to help his beloved. He could not understand why his bride acted so insecure about the Denali sisters. Bella was the only woman he had ever loved. He vowed to remind her again once he saw her of how much she meant to him.

Edward had a lot of thinking to do. His family had made him realize that he had been hasty in his planning. He could never be too careful with his Bella. He was almost desperate to hear Jasper's plan - the weasel was blocking his attempts to read his mind at present. All this talk about intimacy with his bride made him realize he needed to go running immediately. He had to calm himself from having improper thoughts so he could maintain his control when he saw Bella. After all, his angel deserved the very best.

**Please review! It inspires snark.**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Edward, Mr. I'm-too-morally-superior-to-even-think-the-word-'masturbation' is one seriously uptight dude that could set records in Victorian propriety – I mean repression. Really. Once he's legally married, he can't wait to cook up a little somethin' somethin' with Bella. Just not right now. Carlisle insists on having a tutorial with his son about the How To's of Somethin' Somethin' 501, much to Edward's annoyance. His brothers join in on the fun. Edward accidentally sort of spills about the "deal" with Bella. Thanks to Jasper, Edward goes from haughty and snotty to freaked out in under five minutes flat. Thanks Jasper. But Jasper has a plan to save the world – I mean Bella. Really. Stay tuned for the next edition of As the Virgin Squirms.**

**Thanks for reading and please leave me a review if you have the time. Also, I love humor, anyone who writes anything that strikes my funny bone will get a chapter or an in-joke shout out written to them. I have had readers make insightful observations about chapters I posted eight months ago, that I've gone back into that chapter and rewritten a line to make something clearer, or clarified things in an AN, so please know that I do value your feedback, regardless of the section of the story you are reading.**

**There's a thread for this story on the AU forum on Twilighted where I regularly post teasers. Please come and stop by if you can.**

**1. I'd like to emphasize that this is AU and I will not be retelling the same events from the Twilight Saga, although it's going to seem canon at first. I will instead be addressing themes I found interesting using a different plot. If you want to know more about that I've left a note on my profile on this site. Also, I have divided the chapters into arcs simply to make sense of them in my mind. Please do not consider the first eleven chapters the real story. All of it is the real story. And all of it will be addressed in this tale.**

**2. Just wanted to give you a heads up that this is written from 3rd person limited POV for the first eleven chapters, not omniscient.**

**References**

There seems to be some disagreement as to the origin of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." See? http:/www (dot) samueljohnson (dot) com/road (dot) html

I can't claim the 'grass doesn't grow on a heavily trod path,' line - it's from Barbara Tuchman's (1978) A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century.

Just reading about the Brazilian wax dealio makes me cringe. See? http:/beauty (dot) about (dot) com/od/hairremoval/ht/bikiniwax (dot) htm

I tweet when I post teasers and updates. You can follow me on Twitter at Bookishqua

I'll follow you back.

While Edward is off running errands for the wedding, Tanya and Bella are going to have a wild first meeting in the first chapter. You'll find out about Jasper's plan in Chapter Two. I'm hoping you like Tanya, because I think she's hilarious.

**Preview of Chapter One:**

**"Well, I don't mean to be** unkind, but that face you keep making at me, it makes your wrinkles stand out. Alice you never told me that vampires could get wrinkles," Bella accused and turned to glare at her future sister-in-law. "How old are you anyway Tanya? How old were you when you were turned? I want to make sure my Edward turns me the right way so I don't have to worry about frown lines." She glanced up and down Tanya's figure, then added in absentmindedly, "And sagging."

"Sagging? I don't sag, you foolish girl" Tanya hissed.

"Your left breast does," Bella shot back.


	2. Tanya & the Bachelor Party Bet

****In this chapter I am giving a shout-out as an inside joke to Manyafandom and IMMarve for their highly entertaining stories. Any 'real people' mentioned in this FF knew they were going to be in it ahead of time and I had their OK prior to posting.****

**Many thanks to my validating beta vjgm**

**Thanks to LJ Summers and Fantasy Mother for beta skills. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, and will never make a dime from this. No copyright infringement is intended. So There.**

**Shout outs to my muses: SozinTara, ladyreader, Viridis73, GabzR, La Boricua Cullen, Sapphira Majoram, CullenCarina, Redneck Angel, bitandhooked, prettyflour, mhgood, aerobee82, GracieHartford, fancastride, I_am_Bonnie_Salvatore, JB30, Stykks, ttyyyytt, Superstarrah, nofangsallowed, GoldIwannaB, Emmy, QuirkyAlice, Elizabeth2323, notmyself, LaurenCullen, morgan_taggart, mercury10872, peanut machiela, Camilla, Bkwrm, kellybug, blue2185, blazefury, elphabacy35, sighnomore, pixieinlove, Hollywood_678, Cullen Concession, mellovesyou, toripop, chloe9, kc4metal, bookishKimi, xtothey, LeahSylvia, fanficreader83, sweetness4688, twilighted22, anaismark, tazz, Wanderer417, AliciaZA, redsoxlove, LJ Summers, khadijadaw, fitten, fleuritup, antipyro, sexysadie13, Lady Dragona, Killeen, Moni_MD, twilightluver6, sariedee, JaJiTaXx, Rogue, jenejes, sareliz, haippa, anniebme, shichi, AngielNCarter, KristenHazzard, Aj04, photogal, shemhazai**

**Snarky Summary: So in our last get together we found out that Edward is one seriously pent up Victorian horndog. Who needs to get laid. Except for that whole chomping-on-the-neck-and-drinking-her-dry problem. Or the snapping-her-spine-in-his-enthusiasm dealio as well. Women. *sigh* Why do they have to be so picky about sex? So his brothers and Father sit him down for a little chat, and tell him not to worry, Jasper has it all under his control. The plan. Not Bella. Deviants. As our story begins, we return to the scene of the crime(s), the Cullen Mansion.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter One: Tanya and the Bachelor Party Bet**

**Round One**

Twas the night of the Bachelorette party, and all through the house. Ok totally kidding. *clears throat* All the residents of the Cullen mansion, including the lovely Miss Isabella Swan, were frantically preparing for a night on the town. The Volturi, their wives, and their minions had recently made their grand entrance.

Esme and Carlisle entertained their guests in the living room. Bella stood at the top of the third-floor staircase and listened to the clamor. For a second, she appeared like she might bolt. Or jump. Perhaps both.

Despite her amicable countenance, Bella felt ready to scream in frustration. Every lock of her hair had been curled, pressed, sprayed and spritzed thanks to Rosalie and Alice. While flattering her porcelain complexion, Bella's makeup highlighted her eyes and lips. The silk blouse with a plunging-neckline-by-her-standards worn over a push-up bra and a black skirt made her feel like a new woman. She had donned it for a reason, to drown out the irritating voice in the back of her head that whispered no matter how long they toiled, the result was the same. Bella still emerged looking like an average human in a room full of perfection.

Alice and Rosalie had been working with Bella on her self-image. Both argued that it was time for Bella to stop acting like a mouse and unleash the inner Bella, whatever that meant. Bella felt nervous about tonight, not only because she avoided parties on principle, but because it would be the first time she met the infamous Denali sisters. She knew Edward had been keeping them away from her on purpose, and that disturbed her. If they were beloved family, why hide them? Bella prayed the meeting would go smoothly because when she unleashed things, usually pandemonium followed. And the side of her that schemed to stay alive grumbled that putting a tasty mortal in a room full of ego-inflated immortals sounded like a recipe for disaster.

The picture of the Denali siblings that hung in Carlisle's study flashed in her mind. In vain, Bella hoped that perhaps it was photoshopped within an inch of its un-life. Thinking about the three breathtakingly beautiful immortals made her stomach clench and her palms sweat. She remembered Rosalie's wonder at how Edward had often had to fend off the attentions of "all those females" and wanted to spit. Just knowing that they were celebrities in the vampire world because of their extensive sex manuals, made Bella all the more terrified to meet them. How could she possibly compare with not one, but three immortal sex goddesses? Especially after seeing all the portraits they posed for with each book? They were depressingly gorgeous. Then again, she was surrounded by depressingly gorgeous immortals every day. She could cope. She'd faced worse. Somehow a memory of Rosalie raced to the rescue. Bella heard her say, "Beauty is skin deep, but stupid is forever." _'I might not be as pretty as others, but I bet I can out-think them,' _Bella chanted in her mind.

The doorbell chimed. Who needed a doorbell in a house stuffed to the rafters with vampires anyway? From the cheerful greetings that resounded from below, she guessed that Esme greeted new guests downstairs. The idea of more people packing into the house made her want to turn back around and flee to the bedroom and curl up on a pillow that smelled of Edward with a good book. Bella hated talking. And crowds. Not to mention talking in crowds. Her chest constricted and she rubbed absentmindedly under her left collarbone.

"It's time, Bella," Alice intruded, giving her one last visual inspection.

Bella dropped her fist and sighed. She mentally girded her loins in anticipation of a demeaning experience that she felt sure would happen once she met Tanya face-to-face. Mentally, she heard her Grandmother's voice in the back of her mind, reminding her that she came from a strong line. Bella had a theory about life. She called it "the humiliathon" because to Bella life was nothing more than one series of mortifying events repeated one after another. Usually it involved episodes of Bella tripping and landing on innocent victims and taking them down to the ground with her while bystanders gaped. Then laughed.

Anger sparked her into action. Bella thought, '_Let the humiliathon begin_." Slowly, she walked down the staircase with care, and strangled the carved handrail the entire way with one hand. _"It would be just like me to trip and land in a jumble of limbs at their graceful boots," _she fumed. Rosalie halted them on the stairs at the sight of Bella's trembling white-knuckled hand that clutched the dark wooden banister in a death grip.

"Bella, you know those silly books that have the protagonist hanging from a cliff by one hand?"

"Yeah?" Alice loved them and had a stack in her room.

"You're not in one. Lighten up on the poor hand rail. You need to practice for being an immortal." She made a ridiculous sad frown at the plight of the piteous banister that caused Bella and Alice both to giggle. Then she ruined the effect with a stern, "Remember what I told you about confidence. You have to look like a Cullen now. Suck it up. If you want to be an immortal, you have to act the part." Rosalie hissed in her ear, and grabbed her arm to lead her. Reflexively, Bella's fingers reached out for the banister like a lost lover as she moved away from its safety.

Rosalie had not been blessed by the Tact Fairy. At either birth.

_'Gee thanks Rose,'_ Bella wailed inside knowing full well everyone downstairs could have just heard her sister, _"a little louder so the vampires in Europe can hear you.'_

Wait. The European contingent was already there. Drat. Latin America, too.

Bella straightened her shoulders. She reminded herself that if she could survive James and Phoenix, Victoria, the newborns, Jasper and the ever so blunt Rosalie, Tanya couldn't be that bad.

Once she clashed eyes with the elegant "cousin" to the Cullens, Bella decided that Tanya upon further reflection was far more dangerous than she had ever imagined. Worse, the eldest Denali sister stood there smirking, because she'd clearly heard Rosalie's advice. She wore an amused mask for all the room to see. Her eyes, however, momentarily were not so benevolent. They reminded Bella of a jeweled serpent she'd seen in an Ancient Egyptian art book.

Wearing a black lace cannot-quite-see-through-in-all-the-right-places dress that hugged her lush figure, Tanya represented the apotheosis of vampire perfection. Tanya clearly knew it. _'How long does it take for her to get that hair done?'_ Bella wondered as she tried not to gawp at those radiant thick strawberry blonde curls. Even her ringlets looked immaculate. Wait. They probably already had their own Twitter site. Although she tried mightily, Bella could not possibly imagine Tanya Denali having a bad hair day.

Bella remembered her Grandmother had once remarked about a visit to the Vatican Museum she had made. "After the fourth painting by Raphael, my brain felt too tired to look at anything else. So I left." Bella completely understood now. By the time Bella's mind finished analyzing the wonder that Tanya embodied, she felt too overwhelmed to give much notice to the other Denali sisters. Kate and Irina appeared equally as threatening in the beauty category, albeit marginally kinder. Bella wished that she could be struck by lightning and disappear into a clump of ash in the wood floor. _"Please God, if you are out there, let me get through this without making a complete fool out of myself,"_ her inner child wailed.

"Cousins, this is Edward's fiancée, Bella Swan," Alice warmly introduced her.

Exactly like she predicted, Tanya, Kate, and Irina coolly gave Bella the slow, 'you're _so_ not worthy,' up and down stare. Tanya smirked. Again. Rosalie lifted an eyebrow and gave her what appeared to be to Bella's mortal eyes a death stare, which made all three sisters stand up and take notice.

_"Alrighty then,"_ Bella thought. And that was the point when Isabella Marie Swan, soon to be Cullen, decided to grow a spine in regards to the Denalis. She straightened her shoulders and stared all three sisters in the eye. Irina backed up a step. Kate stopped breathing.

"Isabella, it's so _interesting_ to finally meet you. We've heard so much about you. The Vampire rumor mill is positively buzzing with amazement about your wedding."

Bella rolled her eyes as Tanya stressed the word "interesting." Tanya did a double-take._ 'I suppose she's not used to people calling her for her rude behavior,'_ Bella mentally smiled. No one else but Tanya and her sisters had caught the eye roll. Bella blinked at Tanya with a coat-hanger smile in place. Twice for good measure. _"I don't care how old that wench is,"_ Bella thought, _"I've been scared by better."_

Tanya's words on the surface seemed sweet but carried an undertone of viciousness that Bella read loud and clear. It was the kind of tone that women automatically understood and men scratched their heads, and blurted an exasperated, 'What?'

Dismissively, Tanya handed Bella an unwrapped gift, a book, "Vamp Sex for Dumb Clueless Virgins: The Beginner's Guide by the Denali Sisters.

"Please accept our congratulations on your upcoming wedding. We decided to give you something that you could definitely use," she simpered.

Bella missed Irina glaring at her sister and whispering at vampire pitch, "This is our new cousin. Behave."

_'So that's the way she was going to play this game,'_ Bella mused. _'Play the sex expert card. How unoriginal. Let's find a weakness.'_

She held the book against her chest, arms crossed around it, showing her engagement ring off nicely against the dark leather cover as the jewels captured the light. Irina and Kate made no secret of admiring it. Tanya studied the gems at vampire speed and pretended it did not exist to the rest of the room. Edward's chit could not possibly be stupid enough, Tanya sulked, to be showing that ring off on purpose. Not if she valued her immortal soul and reputation. No one crossed Tanya.

"Thank you, I think," Bella wryly remarked to the Denali sisters in general and Tanya in particular.

Watching vampires emote never ceased to fascinate her. Bella noticed that Alice and Rosalie's eyes quickly became cautiously blank. Kate gawped at Bella's tone.

Irina scolded at vampire pitch through smiling teeth, "Remember who she is and your manners," to her sister, "We owe Edward and he loves her."

Tanya's lips twitched and she raised one perfect eyebrow recognizing the mortal's challenge with mirth. It's not like she could really compete, but Tanya wanted to give her points for effort. Poor thing. For Bella, that condescending look represented the third strike.

_"This was going to be too easy," _Bella decided.

Using a mild voice borrowed from Jasper, Bella observed, "You know, that facial expression isn't working for you."

"I beg your pardon?" Tanya answered, thinking she had misheard the shy child who clearly did not know how to act around immortals. The Cullens had spoiled her like a toddler who was catered to on every whim.

"Well, I don't mean to be unkind," Bella paused as if she were carefully selecting her words, "but that face you keep making at me, it makes your _wrinkles_ stand out." Bella turned to her sister, hands on her hips, "Alice, you never told me that vampires could get wrinkles," she accused. "None of the ones around here have them." And what was it with them leaning forward anyway? They were vampires with supernatural hearing abilities. She held out the book to Emmett, who took it from her and tucked it under his arm, too fascinated with the floor show to do anything with it. He pinched his arm to check if he was awake or hallucinating. He had never seen this side of Bella.

"Wrinkles?" Tanya repeated as if she was not quite sure she had understood Bella.

"Yes. Wrinkles. Rosalie, do vampires lose their hearing as they age?" Bella asked in a slightly louder voice of Rosalie, who appeared ready to choke. "Say, how old _are you_ anyway Tanya? How old were you when you were turned? Thirty?" Bella named a preposterous age, "I want to make sure my Edward turns me the right way so I don't have to worry about frown lines." She glanced up and down Tanya's figure, then added in absentmindedly, "and sagging."

It was a good thing immortals did not require oxygen because Bella's words sucked every bit of it from the room. Everyone around froze as if captured in time in a photograph. Even the animals outside stilled in self-preservation.

Tanya's reaction caused much movement as passersby worked hard at pretending not to notice. She had never had anyone make a negative comment about her appearance well...ever.

Jasper stood there awed at his little sister. She had come so far. He all but beamed in pride.

Bella decided that her initial impression of the eldest Denali had been accurate after all. Tanya in that moment definitely took on a serpentine aspect that was not flattering. Many someones had neglected to inform Tanya that she was not cute when angry.

Floored, the irate Miss Denali was not going to take this treatment from a mere mortal.

"Sagging? I don't sag, you foolish girl!" Tanya hissed. She could not believe the gall of this accusation coming from someone who clearly wore a padded bra.

"Your left breast does," Bella shot back, glancing down at Tanya's bust line a trifle too long to be polite with a bright smile. She could actually hear Tanya inhale in shock. Accompanied, of course, by her sisters. _'Did those three time-share a brain?'_ Bella wondered.

Emmett and Jasper both gazed at Tanya's impressive bust line and mournfully nodded in tandem.

"By about 5 millimeters," Emmett helpfully added after a cautious squint at her figure.

Tanya's eyes raked over Bella, who for once felt confident about her figure. _'I might be small, but at least I'm perky in that department.'_ She duly noted how Tanya avoided that whole age question.

Tanya's temper soared when her sisters did not rush to her defense, and stared instead at the floor, playing with their perfect nails. Irina had the audacity to actually start whistling while sporting a cherub's smile. Jasper sent a wave of do-not-kill-the-human over the room.

"You know Tanya," Rosalie cooed in a sympathetic voice, "We have the best lingerie specialist that can help you with that problem. We'd love to be there for you in your hour of need. Clearly, after all you have been through, and after all this time, this burden cannot be borne alone."

The heretofore indomitable Tanya appeared flabbergasted. No one had made her this flummoxed since Edward.

Bella surveyed her work. Perhaps immortality would not be that bad, after all. She studied a vase full of irises, lost in thought. Wow these self-esteem exercises Rosalie subjected her to really helped her stand up for herself. She should definitely spend more time with Rose. The girl was hell on wheels. After all, she showed me how to push all of Tanya's buttons. Bella couldn't believe she spent all that time worrying over her. But she thought Tanya needed to learn a bit more respect, calling to mind her Grandmother's reminder about family pride. She pulled a flower from the container and cradled the bloom in her hand.

**Round Two**

Bella suddenly glanced up and chirped, "Oh, before I forget, the gift is sweet, but did you save the receipt?" As she spoke she waved the blossom so the stalk sent water droplets flying at the sisters. A mortal wouldn't have felt it. But an immortal definitely would. Bella had personally cut the flowers and had added a capful of bleach to the water as she had arranged them in the vase. _'Sorry about those microscopic bleach marks on our ensemble,'_ Bella thought in mock sympathy as she blinked benignly and stared at a droplet or two that had landed on Tanya's curls.

Saluting the move, Irina brushed at her shoulder and smiled. She had clearly figured out what Bella was up to and felt like Tanya was going to have to handle this on her own. Edward fiancé proved to be a worthy adversary. It was about time he found a woman strong enough to make him act like a man. And really, on this issue, her sister needed to get a life.

Tanya shrugged, "We don't worry about inconsequential things like receipts. Why do you ask?"

"Edward has all of the books, volumes 1 through 400 in your series. We study them at night because my Edward wants to make sure that our honeymoon is done right. He even gives me pop quizzes that are ever so difficult so I have to study. You should go in his room and see all the meticulous notes he's taken. You would think he's planning D-Day!" Bella tittered.

"He has read the books?" Kate blurted.

"Oh, my, yes. And he's added to the collection. He likes the book by Obsidian called "DullMeyerpires Sparklygoogasm Guaranteed" but really prefers the Joy of Vampgasm series by Heidi of the Volturi, however. I find the Unleash your Inner Trampire series by Ivana LightYourPyre to be more entertaining."

"He WHAT? And what is wrong with our books? They are the result of centuries of personal hands-on research." Tanya seethed fingers already in claws on the side of her legs.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," Bella sweetly assured her and stared pointedly at Tanya's fingers. "I was hoping you could answer a question for me – there's a naughty rumor spreading like wildfire about your series."

Irina casually slapped Tanya's hand so that she relaxed her fingers. She turned and nodded at her sister in satisfaction once she seemed assured Tanya would not pounce. Bella found it fascinating how everyone in the room watched poised to act yet pretended to ignore the entire conversation.

"Yes?" all three Denali sisters asked at once, smiles fixed like plaster.

"Well, see I heard from one of the Volturi guards you had to have all your books ghostwritten by Manyafandom and IMMarve." Bella blushed in a master stroke.

"English is not our first language, but the research is ours!" huffed Irina. "Drat. We will have to turn those two authors, now. Sneaky publishing houses – I know the authors did not talk, can we not have our secrets, too?" Bella noted as she ranted Irina's accent became thicker. Kate did not take this well, either. She seemed to lose the power of speech and her face was twitching in strange places. Tanya still writhed in discomfort over the wrinkles and sagging accusation.

Bella assured them, "Don't worry your pretty little heads over who did the writing. Edward simply prefers the sensual focus and historical depth that Heidi of the Volturi brings to the subject – at least that's what I think he said," Bella trailed off confused.

"Frown lines? Wrinkles? Sagging? Ghost Writers?" Tanya sulphurously seethed, "you're trying to upset me since I've had Edward in my bed more times than I can remember in _every_ position imaginable."

"You have? Seriously? Wow! Thanks!" Bella gushed. She actually appeared like Tanya had just awarded her lottery money. Lots of lottery money. Then she reached over and leaned up on her tiptoes and squeezed Tanya's hand in gratitude.

"What?" Tayna sputtered staring at her own hand as if it had betrayed her as she cautiously withdrew from Bella. Her sisters seemed equally bewildered.

Emmett looked at both women and whispered to Jasper as he elbowed him in the side, "Dude, girlfight. Hot."

Jasper once again sent waves of thou-shalt-not-smack-the-human to the room. He noticed they had managed to attract the attention of Marcus of the Volturi and wanted to tone things down. Now.

Rosalie caught his eye, worriedly glanced at Bella, glared at Tanya and said, "Bella, she's lying, you know."

"It does not matter if she is," Bella serenely assured the growing audience.

"What do you mean it does not matter? I'm telling you I've had sex with Edward more times than you've probably brushed your teeth and you're saying it doesn't matter? I've had him every way possible and could get him back with a wave of my hand!" Tanya snapped her fingers in front of Bella's face four times, "Are you dim? Or just too stupid to live?" Tanya turned to her sisters and asked, "If he turns her won't that make her _more _foolish?"

_'Now I know why she has a ghostwriter,'_ Bella mused. _'She keeps repeating herself. Boring.' _

Bella deliberated for a moment - actually several moments – and dragged her response out to drive Tanya crazy. "If you are, then it just makes you look pathetic, you being the infamous sex expert and all, lying about sleeping with one single vampire to one mere mortal. On the other hand," Bella continued, "If you're telling the truth, then I must thank you for teaching him a thing or two. Let's face it Tanya, guys like Edward go to girls like _you_ for that kind of thing so when they meet girls like _me_ that they want to settle down with and introduce to their family, they know what to do."

That comment, while true, hit home. Vampires in the vicinity gasped, gobsmacked, watching in morbid fascination as Bella risked her mortal existence. Bella waved away a few lurking in the room that appeared ready to intervene. The gesture masked her shaking hands.

"Now, if you are telling the truth," Bella qualified cheerfully, "I sincerely hope you put the man through his paces, because after what I read in your books, I now have exceedingly high expectations for an epic honeymoon. If you're NOT telling the truth, then since we're such good friends and all, I should probably tell you that when you lie, you make this funny facial expression that is a dead giveaway, and your left eyelid twitches."

Kate and Irina glanced at Tanya, and shrugged. Kate said, "She's right, you know. You really do. At least with her."

Tanya seemed to wilt before their eyes. "Fine," she muttered, "I haven't slept with him. I was merely teasing you."

**Round Three**

Bella assured her, "That's okay Tanya, I can take a joke. Besides, I want to thank you anyway for keeping the fires stoked all these years and giving him something to look forward to."

Tanya brightened. The immortals in the room relaxed. Tanya was notorious for her practical jokes. They figured this was her way of welcoming Bella into her odd family.

Bella decided that she needed to make Tanya feel better. What was a little more humiliation for strategic purposes? Bella snorted. "Tonight he's celebrating the end of his bachelor days. I don't get to see him at all because his brothers are taking him in three hours to that nasty strip club on the corner of Hay and Make Street called the Landing Strip." Bella sounded forlorn. Her eyes suddenly took on a mischievous glint. "Tanya, since we're all family here, how about a friendly bet?" Bella inquired with an impish grin.

Suspiciously, Tanya muttered, "I only take wagers that I know I can win, dear. It's elementary strategy. What are we betting on?" She seemed to perk up.

"I'm giving you one more try at my Edward." Bella baldly stated. "Show up to the bachelor party and give it a go for old time's sake. I'm betting you that matter how hot you look, he _still_ turns you down." Bella heard laughing from the other room, "And Tanya, feel free to use all your whiles. Pull out all the stops. All your secret weapons. My money is still on my Edward."

"Tanya's eyes glassed over at the idea, and she studied Bella with fascination, "You're willing to bet money on this?"

"Of course, we all know betting is the Cullen sport. Emmett and Jasper will be there to verify, won't you boys? And Jasper – as a referee, you can't be part of the bet, and you can't use your power to influence anyone in the room. You too, Emmett."

Emmett and Jasper laughed with unholy glee and both chimed in, "We won't interfere, Tanya," Jasper promised.

"We just like to watch. Well, I do, anyway." Emmett confessed.

Bella thought for a moment. "If my Edward chants, 'Our love is sacred. Pure,' at you in describing his feelings for me, I get double. Or you can cash in the bet by giving me an advanced tutorial. Oh, and Tanya, I heard a little rumor that a stripper will be showing up. A human stripper. I'm sure you won't have trouble handling that."

"Pfft, not even a challenge," Tanya boasted, mental wheels churning. "I must go and prepare now. I can't _wait_ to get my claws on that man." Tanya had decades of rejection to fuel her efforts and an inspired challenge in front of immortal ears. Who knew the human had it in her. Tanya, against her better judgment, had to admit she was impressed.

"You go girl!" Bella saw the wheels turning in Tanya's mind. _"Ca-ching"_

Tanya absentmindedly asked Esme to borrow her sewing basket and disappeared upstairs to a guest room on the second floor with her sisters in tow, minions trailing behind with twelve trunks of clothes.

Emmett and Jasper looked at Bella with newfound respect, as did Alice and Rosalie.

Jasper beamed, "Bella, I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself in front of Tanya, I could feel your confidence. You've come such a long way."

Emmett reached to ruffle her hair, which caused his wife to firmly smack his hand like one would a naughty toddler. He laughed, "And betting her on seducing Edward. That's like, so freaking hot. Are you sure you didn't run out and join the Volturi guard? You are going to run rings around the man."

Ever the politically correct hostess, Esme entered the room and asked, "Rosalie, have you and Alice been tormenting Tanya and her sisters?"

Rosalie made that perfect wide-eyed face, "Why would you say so Mother?"

"Because they've taken my measuring tape and keep calculating Tanya's bust line. I'm hearing wailing about millimeters. It doesn't make sense." She wandered off with a warning look at the girls.

Silence reigned in the room as all the occupants struggled not to laugh. A strawberry blond vampire across the room winked at Bella who waved back with her fingertips.

Alice closed her eyes as a vision suddenly hit.

"Bella, you know by telling her the name of the club that she's going to crash the party."

"Definitely."

"Wait a minute. You, Bella Swan were all insecure about the beauty of Tanya and her sisters, and now you've all but put a homing device on Edward? Explain yourself."

"I thought in all kindness, that I could at least give her one last shot at him. Besides, I _owe_ Edward."

Rosalie asked, "What do you mean you owe Edward?"

"I owe him for setting me up to get asked out by Tyler the first few months I was here. I'm _really_ good at holding a grudge. And besides, siccing Tanya on him is just one more way I can torture the man. So I kill three birds with one stone and I win a bet."

Alice noticed that despite the scarlet face from blushing, Bella sported a positively glorious smile as she plotted.

Baffled, Rosalie inquired, "Wait a minute. What do you mean by _three_ birds? I've only heard you mention two reasons."

"Oh that," Bella sighed. "Well, I have a separate score to settle and thought I'd let Tanya do it for me."

"Score? What is this about?" Jasper asked.

"I heard a rumor that the stripper is going to make a play for Edward. And I can't have that, particularly with _that_ woman."

"Who is the stripper?" Jasper asked. He did not think Bella was the type of girl to hang around strippers. And she's threatened by Tanya yet sending her to strip for Edward? He was not sure of the logic in that move. But he was not going to interfere.

"Lauren Mallory."

Emmett chortled while walking out the door tugging at Jasper's arm, "Alice might be scary enough, but Bella, remind us to never bet against you."

Esme returned from dealing with the Volturi wives looking frazzled. Taking a break from being a hostess for a moment, she joined the women as they retreated to Edward's bedroom and closed the door. Bella had reached her limit for the night. They approved as she said farewell to her friend Grace and asked politely if she could have some privacy.

"Want to bet on the honeymoon?" Rosalie sweetly inquired. Esme perked up with a cheerful smile. Bella pondered that thought a minute, leaned forward and said as she reached for a notepad and pen and handed it to Alice, "What do you have in mind?"

Fade to Black.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Bella totally has Tanya's number. And just because she loves him so, she gave Tanya permission to try to seduce Edward. What a peach! What faith! How awesome is that?**

**Tanya is going to crash Edward's Bachelor party next. Tanya is so going to lose this bet. Just sayin'...**

**Reviews are always very much appreciated. This is still a work in progress so I would love to hear feedback from you. :)**

**References are posted on my profile.**

**

* * *

**

**Preview of the next chapter:**

**Scene: The Landing Strip Club - Lauren Mallory meets Tanya, Irina, Kate and Demetri. Sparks fly since Lauren is Lauren. Tanya asks Lauren why she's paying to strip for Edward:**

**"So I'm going to have to ask you to step aside. Or you could stay and watch. You might learn a thing or two. And I don't mean to be a complete bitch but what's _that smell_?" Lauren scrunched her nose in distaste and leaned forward taking in the scent of the mountain lion blood. It would be delicious to vampires. Tanya was stunned a mortal could even detect it.**

**That did it.**

**With a gentle flick of her middle finger applied to the forehead, Tanya knocked Lauren unconscious. She waved an arm to Demetri summoning him. "Demetri, my pet, I think you should have the Volturi guard take this young lady to a secluded location and turn her."**


	3. Survival of the Btchfest part 1

**Many thanks to vjgm for validating me. :)**

**And for LJ Summers for the beta-ing. **

**Snarky Summary: Previously, we saw Edward's struggle to remain celibate and that Bella is kind of sort of driving him nuts, metaphorically speaking, alas. Edward's family helps him realize he is the most desperate vampire on the planet, and needs to rethink his honeymoon plans. We also saw Tanya and Bella meet for the first time. Clash of the Titans it was not. Although Bella did have her wicked way with Tanya, giving an entirely new meaning to the term "girl-on-girl action."**

**Tanya just doesn't know it yet. **

**The character of Tanya often gets a raw deal in fanfiction. Yes, she and her family were, well...rude in not showing up for the fight in Eclipse. That was tacky. But they ALL did that. So why the Tanya hate? And other than serving as a device to make the already insecure Bella feel even more insecure, or trying to handle Irina freaking out, she really didn't have much of a role in the books. Fanfictions usually turn her into the evil wench who cruelly tortures Edward and Bella. **

**I would like you to give CC Tanya a chance in this story. She's loads of fun. She is the most beautiful woman on the planet (Sorry, Rosalie) and has centuries' worth of experience in having men grovel before her feet - although let's be clear, CC Tanya is insisting that I tell you that SHE never groveled - unless it was a sex game which totally did not count. Then along comes Edward Cullen. Let us discuss his many crimes.**

**Crime One: He always behaves as a perfect gentleman toward her and her sisters, ignoring their tawdry past. Of which, he has no such knowledge of any such activity if any such activity did occur. For the record. *clears throat***

**Crime Two: He doesn't want her or her sisters. Sexually. Even Temporarily. Even at Vamp Speed. Even if they did all the work. There is not a spark, ember, flicker or flame of desire for Tanya in his mind. And trust us, Tanya understands lust. **

**Crime Three: Seriously.**

**Crime Four: He's straight. And still really not interested.**

**Crime Five: He's a virgin.**

**Crime Six: He'd prefer to stay that way than have sex with Tanya. Or her sisters.**

**Crime Seven: He does not appear to be suffering from the effects of being celibate around their immortal hotnesses.**

**And Tanya has never been rejected. Ever. Edward is the one puzzle she and her sisters can't solve. Kate and Irina have long ago accepted Edward's decision and are not offended. Not so with the lovely Tanya Denali. So when she meets Bella she's bewildered.**

**Crime Eight: He loves a human girl. A child, really. Well, not legally. But still.**

**Crime Nine: She's not hot. Not Denali hot. **

**Crime Ten: She is obviously a virgin. From a professional standpoint, Tanya would totally understand if Bella had seduced Edward. **

**So here's Edward actually going to marry what to Tanya seems a dull human girl. And she simply doesn't get it. Keep in mind Tanya and her sisters have been off and out of the loop so have no experience seeing Edward and Bella in action. Not that kind of action. Perverts. Have fun with her bewilderment. Tanya is about to get schooled, by none other than Bella Swan. And Bella's going to let Edward do all the work. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. So there.**

**Many thanks to all who have reviewed!**

**Shout outs to my muses: Princess Cupcake, DarkDefender89, MilitzaG, Demons4eva, PJAustin, superhuman moron, tumblin' di, JB30, ttyyyytt, PurdueLiz, lauraluvsedward, the shrew, smisa, Jencrane, twinkle_girl, conffeeobsessed, marve, nofangsallowed, superstarrah, Emmy, elizabeth323, ciao_ami, bellas shrink, Camilla, Re-Re, shanny305, prettypoodle, Tail writer, rannaoja, fanficreader83, LJ Summers, Sweetness 4683, BellaS, pillowbiter, pclo, MLogan, Wanderer417, AliciaZA, Spicyone94, Ink02, GangstaT, fitten, antipyro, bellas-evil-twin-101, Lady Dragona, shichi, anniebme, nannyt, emmettballeermine4evr, Aj04, photogal, and akemi.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Two: Survival of the B!tchfest**

Tanya could not fathom the nerve of that wretched dull human girl with the split ends problem. Her poor sisters had to listen to her spew venom in impotent rage as they hunted that night miles away from the Cullen mansion. Irina had picked the location not due to the quality of the Roosevelt Elk, but because it afforded privacy for her sister to discreetly have a proper nervous breakdown.

"I cannot believe what he sees in that . . . child. I mean _look at her_." Tanya pointed to a moss-encrusted log that lay on the ground, trying to hide beneath the leaves and shrubbery, "And look at me." She swept her hand down her curves, "I'm exquisite," she snapped.

Sympathetically, Irina and Kate watched in silence, as the moonbeams bathed their sister in flattering light. Tanya's shriek of outrage had scared away the available wildlife along with every bird. It was a good thing they were done eating.

"For that mortal chit to actually have the gall to tell me that my breast sags? Sags?" Tanya screeched in outrage.

Furiously, she ripped a large Sitka Spruce out by the base, roots and all. She cracked it in half like a twig, and then decided for good measure to simply destroy the entire tree. Who needed nail polish anyway? She imagined the drab human face of Bella with each decisive crack. She tossed the remains into a cluster of sword ferns. And then went back for more of the tree.

"It was all I could do not to crush her spine!" She snapped the wood on each word for emphasis. "Homer wrote the Iliad about me. This face," she pointed a shaking moss-covered index finger at her right cheek, "launched a thousand ships!" One minute later the remains of the once magnificent tree scattered randomly around the area like survivors after the blitz. The eldest Miss Denali still fumed.

Tanya interrupted her rant about the stench of the moss to turn on her sisters, "I know we've been swamped rebuilding our homes and helping others in the area. But really, why didn't you tell me?" she wailed to her siblings.

Irina reached over gingerly and pulled a tiny branch - the lone defiant survivor of Tanya's wrath - from her sister's hair, and tossed it aside. Kate helped hide the snapped branches, and pushed the remains of the tree into the gaping hole in the earth and covered it. Tanya tapped her boot, thinking, stewing, reliving, reasoning and then thinking again. Lord, the entire house had heard it. Given that the other immortals in the room knew of her bet, news would spread all over the VampVerse soon. Tanya would never admit it to a soul, but she seriously wondered if she could win.

Silence reigned. Finally Irina spoke.

"Every body is different Tanya, you know that. Why should we comment on something that has no relevance on your beauty?" Irina consoled. "You are letting the human get in your head." Irina tilted her own to one side and studied her sister, "That is unlike you to show such weakness."

Kate put her arms around Tanya from behind and gave her a hug, "Sister, dear, he is simply overwhelmed. This is instinctual. Everyone knows it."

Irina chimed in, "Once she is turned, Edward will lose interest. She will no longer smell the same." The younger Denali siblings decided that movement would be best to assist in Tanya's recovery. They tugged her along a path through the forest.

Tanya huffed, and then crossed her arms over her chest and tried mightily to forget about that whole sagging problem.

"Well, I'm not sure that I want him now, I don't know that I _ever_ wanted him – I enjoyed the challenge. I know I want to torment him tonight. I plan to win this bet. But to make him suffer more, I'm not going to interfere with his wedding to Bella."

Kate seemed confused. "So you are giving up on him? That's not like you." She hid the desire for her sister to wake up to reality and throw in the proverbial white handkerchief in her chase of their cousin.

"It depends entirely on which battle you're fighting. Bella never stipulated what seduction entailed. I don't plan on having him in my bed tonight, but I am going to seduce him. I want to give him enough of a taste to drive him insane with lust. Then he is going to feel guilty and marry Bella. He'll compare her to me the entire time."

Her sisters looked on in fascination. "Go on." Kate said.

Irina thought, "There's no thing like denial in action," sadly behind a smooth façade.

"Besides," Tanya brightened up, "He's so repressed I can definitely see him pouncing on her the second they are alone after he gets a wedding band on her finger." Ruefully, Tanya drew upon several centuries' worth of experience with delicate human men in bed to calculate how easy it would be for Edward to have an accident during sex. She mused. "Presuming she even survives the wedding night; because she's his singer, there is the excellent possibility that he might drink her dry before he gets around to turning her." She shrugged. That, she privately thought, would be hilarious.

Kate and Irina did not bother to conceal their distress. Tanya had finally lost it.

Tanya thought she showed perfect logic as she picked at her shorts, rubbing away some dirt. "What? Don't tell me you haven't had the same thoughts. Relationships with humans never work out." Tanya harrumphed. "But when he comes crawling back to me after the wedding, I'm going to make him suffer for a few centuries. He could have been lying in my arms and he chose . . . that? The man is insane. Perhaps something went wrong with his turning?" she mused. "We should consult Carlisle. As his Father, he needs to realize how bizarre his son's behavior is in regards to sex. It's positively unhealthy that he's not attracted to me. I mean, who wouldn't be?"

Over the course of her very long existence, Tanya had become used to being the object of men's fantasies. Shakespeare had composed sonnets to her beauty. Alexander the Great had taken cities in her name after whispered promises of nights of passion. And they'd had a lot of nights of where she had kept her vows.

Irina noticed the fleeting smile on Tanya's face and guessed the direction of her thoughts. She decided to distract her sister and build up her confidence a bit.

"Are you thinking of Alexander?" she asked softly.

"You know me so well. And Attila the Hun." Tanya smirked. "Mmm he earned his reputation." Tanya shivered in remembrance of times past with that bad man. "We made the doggie style position infamous. It really was too bad I killed him. He really knew how to go all animal kingdom on me." She sighed in memory. "Then again," Tanya scrunched her nose, "it was entirely his fault for distracting me when I was giving him a blow job."

Her sisters cringed in remembering that episode.

"For crying out loud," Tanya stamped a foot in ire, "I was Machiavelli's muse when I was Borgia's lover. I learned strategy at the feet of a master. In all the years of my undead existence, I have never met a man that I could not seduce until Edward Cullen. It was all the more awful because he was such a gentleman about it."

Tanya remembered that she was so offended at his disinterest she had taken multiple lovers to soothe her wounded ego, wearing them out with her enthusiasm. She may have killed a few in her eagerness, but at least they had died with smiles on their faces in her arms. She gave them a bit of heaven on earth before they received their spiritual reward. Edward, however, did not seem to notice or care. He always left before anything exciting happened, damn him.

Tanya recalled that at the time she had switched strategies. She had decided showing off her intelligence would do the trick. He had become so absorbed with sitting in school for all those years. She may not have had a formal education, but Tanya had slept her way through the best minds of the millennium and learned a thing or to from them in the process.

It made perfect sense then, when the Denali sisters had collaborated on a series of sex manuals. Every time one came out to glowing reviews in the vampire presses, she had made sure to send one autographed copy to each Cullen family member. On Edward's she had marked specific pages simply to torture him.

Tanya and her sisters had been surprised at the success of the book series, and the devoted following they received. She remembered sneaking into Edward's room not long after they had moved to Forks while he was away hunting. She had wanted to see if he had put her gifts to good use. His books were meticulously ordered in shelves in a back corner of his room, and she could tell the spines had never even been cracked on the manuals that she had sent him. What vampire turned at his sexual peak ignored books about sex? Who did that? She had suggested to Esme that his bathroom would not be complete without a deep luxurious tub to soak in after his nightly runs.

Tanya and her sisters had been fascinated to learn from Emmett that they suspected that Edward never even pleasured himself. Tanya had gone from thinking that was _the most_ abnormal thing she had ever heard – and in her time when it came to sex – she really had seen and heard and felt it all – to being excited. When that boy cracks, she had thought greedily, oh, the sexual feast we will have.

With a mental shake, Tanya placed her memories aside and returned to the present. Tonight was all about payback. Cleaning her hands in a river, Tanya arranged her hair back into a semblance of order.

She turned to her sisters and declared, "I'm going to make him squeal like a little girl. Come, darlings, we must be about our way. We have old acquaintances to look up. And then conquest awaits!"

At her comment, her sisters laughed. Tanya enjoyed the mental image of being victorious at last. She and her sisters returned to the house after their hunt in a much better frame of mind. Tanya couldn't wait to change out of these pedestrian rags. Since they had to pass as mortals, she couldn't hunt in the wilds of Forks wearing Versace and heels. For Carlisle's sake, they had dressed like they'd been attacked by an L. L. Bean catalog.

Upon spying Demetri lurking outside of her room, she summoned him with a crook of an index finger. That Bella child needed to be taught to respect her and she knew of just the way to give her the first lesson. Tanya gave Demetri the best hour of his existence. Even better, she made sure they were loud. She wanted to make certain Bella heard every cry and moan of pleasure. After a blissful but dazed Demetri crawled whimpering in sated delight from her broken bed, Tanya sailed downstairs.

The Cullens had perfected the fine art of the blank expression. Bella, to Tanya's delight, had not. The girl took one look at her and blushed to the roots of her dull mousy hair when Tanya sweetly apologized to Esme for breaking the bed in her enthusiasm. She offered to pay to replace it.

Tanya couldn't help but smirk at Bella and think, _'If you thought that was loud, my dear wait till I make my Edward scream my name. I am so going to win this bet.'_ Momentarily, her confidence flagged when Tanya saw that Bella solemnly met her stare. Hmmm this girl might be irritating; but Tanya had to admit grudgingly, she did show slight potential as a vampire.

Tanya decided that she would have to watch herself around her once Bella was a newborn, as Rosalie and Alice led the child off for what Tanya presumed to be a desperately needed makeover session. _'Bet that'll take all their efforts,' _Tanya mentally chortled maliciously. She went to her room and summoned her sisters to help her prepare for the night of Edward's life. She ordered a new bed to be delivered within the hour. She planned on putting it to good use in the next few days. Since her cousins had taken Bella out of her hearing range, Tanya wondered what they were doing with that human.

Kate and Irina helped her get ready for her performance that evening. She could hardly wait as she primped in the mirror examining her reflection critically. Tanya thought, _'I am going to remember the pleasure of this night for eternity. I bet he's even feistier than Attila.'_

Every man has his weakness, and she intended to exploit his this time and she didn't care if it was fair. Tanya played to win. Knowing it was his favorite animal, she had made sure to collect the blood of mountain lion. She dabbed it on her body in select areas – in between her thighs, between her breasts, on her nipples, in the hollow of her neck, and around her mouth. Two could play the scent game.

Tanya had Irina temporarily appropriate the pillowcase that Bella had slept on from Edward's room. Right before they left for the club, Tanya rubbed her entire body with the fabric, drenching herself in Bella's scent combined with the mountain lion. She had used Bella's foul smelling shampoo as well. What woman used a shampoo like that? The poor man was not going to know what hit him by the time she was done with him. The sacrifices she made in the name of seduction. Of course, she made sure that the pillowcase went back into the bedroom. Tanya was not a thief. Besides, she loved the idea of Edward laying down to rest and smelling her instead of Bella. Served him right for being so stubborn.

Combined with her powers, and all the scents, Tanya sailed down the staircase accompanied by her sisters. She blissfully imagined the drooling idiot leaping for her open arms. She managed not to snarl when Bella cheerily wished her, "Good luck!" as she left the house, shattering her daydream.

It was child's play finding the club that someone with a lack of imagination had named The Landing Strip at the corner of Hay and Make streets. Tanya and her sisters pranced into the back room of the club and found a relatively attractive (for a human) blonde mortal posing in a tawdry version of the naughty school girl outfit in front of a mirror.

"Amateur," Irina snickered at vampire pitch and her sisters agreed wholeheartedly. The girl barely had enough bosoms to fit inside her stuffed brassiere.

"Who are you?" the wench snapped, eying Tanya critically. Clearly, she didn't like being faced with overwhelming competition. She appeared even less enthused when she caught sight of Irina and Kate.

Tanya took a step forward, uncomfortably close to the girl. "I'm Tanya, and these are my sisters Kate and Irina, and our friend Demetri. I'll be dancing tonight. Who are you, my dear?" she cooed.

Lauren's eyes skimmed over the women and knowing she could not compete, she instead peered around Tanya and focused on Demitri, offering him a haughty sniff. "I'm Lauren Mallory and I paid the agency a fee to call off their stripper so I could dance tonight. I'm sorry, but this is handled. You'll need to leave," she demanded imperiously.

Kate, Irina and Demetri stepped back to give Tanya room.

"So why did you pay the agency to strip for this party?" Tanya said, "I'm honestly curious. Is this about Edward?" She batted her eyelashes at Lauren. She wanted to see what this girl had to say.

"Don't get me wrong, he's hot and I wouldn't mind doing him – not that he'd give me the time of day, the asshole. If he weren't getting married, I'd swear he was gay. Before _she_ moved to Forks, he never paid attention to any girl," Lauren sniped.

Now Irina's curiosity was perked, "But if you think he's gay, why are you putting forth all this effort and actually paying money to dance for him?"

"Oh that's a no-brainer. I fucking can't stand Bella-miss-goody-two-shoes Swan. This is my last chance to do something to break them up. Pictures of naked me all over him in taken by our friends would be totally cool. And it will help launch my modeling career."

"Really?" Kate asked.

"Totally," Lauren giggled, "I have some guys who are going to crash the party with cameras. I'm going to turn the pictures into lifesized posters and put them all over Forks the week before the wedding. I've even bought space for a billboard that is right by their reception hall."

Irina thought the girl had an expression on her face that most human girls did when thinking about their own wedding day. Clearly this woman had spite in reserve.

"Wow! What did Bella ever do to you?" Tanya said in an empathetic tone.

"She tried to steal my boyfriend Tyler from me," Lauren ran her fingers through her hair and stared in the mirror. "So I'm going to have to ask you to step aside. Or you could stay and watch. You might learn a thing or two." She winked at Demetri. "Hey, I don't mean to be a complete bitch, but what's that smell?" Lauren scrunched her nose in distaste at Tanya's scent.

That did it.

With a gentle flick of her middle finger on the annoying child's forehead, Tanya knocked Lauren unconscious. She waved an arm to Demetri summoning him.

"Demetri, my pet, I think you should have the Volturi guard take this young lady to a secluded location and turn her. I think she is the perfect fit to be a gift for Marcus. His Didyme was such a gentle sweet pretty thing. This one is a complete bitch and physically looks exactly opposite his late wife. I think she'd be perfect addition to his guard and might bring him out of his depression. I think she'd make a glorious vampire."

She had not heard a word about Marcus and his brothers in ages and everyone in the vampverse knew better than to mention them. Seeing as they killed her Mother and all, she liked to keep it that way.

Demetri examined Lauren's crumpled form. The slumbering human suddenly turned her head and drool spilled out of her mouth as she snored. Despite that, he decided she was still fetching. He had to give Tanya credit; the wench would be fantastic as a vampire, especially with those legs and that posterior. He was definitely sure that Marcus would not want her in his guard. Not that he planned on informing Tanya of that. Demetri would be delighted to teach Lauren some manners.

He gathered the human girl into his arms and handed her off to Dante, their newest guard. "Take her to that cabin we use outside of Seattle. Turn her there, and stay with her until the transition is complete. Make sure no one sees you. You should take two others with you to make sure you can manage her. Don't turn her until I say so." Dante saluted and left with the girl.

It was still an hour before the men were set to arrive. Tanya and her sisters put on their coats and went shopping to pass the time until her dance. The stores in this backwater were positively depressing. They actually had to make do walking and pretending to shop.

Once Demetri texted her that Edward had arrived, she rushed back to the club, and put the finishing touches on her costume. Tanya had deliberately selected music with a driving hypnotic beat. Two seasons as a prima ballerina with two different prestigious ballet companies had ensured that she knew exactly what to do on a dance floor to have every eye on her. The pole dancing lessons hadn't hurt, either.

Irina peeked through a peephole at the main room while Tanya primped. To keep other immortals from hearing, the conducted their conversation through the means of pen and paper.

Tanya wrote on a pad of paper, "Who is out there?" and showed it to her sister.

Irina stared at the motley collection that packed the club and scribbled back, "The Volturi, their guards, and some humans."

"Oh, goody. Is Jane here?" Tanya asked.

Kate took a turn at the peephole, "Since she's new, we've never met her in person, but if she's the lone female with them, then yes," she answered via pen.

"What do you hear?" Tanya sent Irina to listen by the doorway.

Irina returned with a note, "Caius, Marcus, Carlisle and Aro are debating the merits of some arcane philosophy. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and some mortals named Mike, Ben, Tyler and Eric were sitting at another table."

Tanya decided that she should scout the room and took a turn at the door. She listened in on the conversation to be able to tell who was whom. Mike, in particular, seemed uncomfortable. She couldn't wait for Edward to share that expression.

On that notion, Edward's face changed. Tanya tried not to panic; she had been doing her best to block her thoughts and she wasn't even standing within his range. She knew better. As Edward stiffened in his chair, Emmett suddenly started an animated conversation, clapped his meaty arm across Edward's shoulder, and prevented him from leaving his seat. Typical, trying to scurry out the door before the fun started. She nodded at her sisters knowing they had better strike while they could.

Tanya sauntered into the packed room wearing a nurse's uniform with the traditional hat sitting atop her upswept hair. The music started and the men began whistling. Demetri and Felix in particular looked excited, and Tanya couldn't help but send a wave of lust in their direction and wink at Demetri as she danced seductively wiggling her bottom at them. She bit her lip to keep from laughing when she saw Carlisle make a graceful exit.

Carlisle thought that Edward would probably prefer he not be there to watch this. To save his son from humiliation before a parent, he felt leaving was the best thing to do.

Tanya noted with satisfaction that Edward leapt to his feet with the other men. He looked positively ferocious. Clearly, she had this in the bag she thought. Edward, when faced with overwhelming force, acted like all the other men in the room. She could have sworn she saw him snapping a picture of her with his phone. This was going to be the vampire version of a cake walk.

Emmett cheered, "Go Tanya! Right on! Damn Girl!"

Tanya winked at him and blew him a kiss which he pretended to catch as he fell out of his chair and mimed a heart attack. She loved that big lug. Too bad Rosalie wasn't into sharing. She laughed as she saw Edward glare at Emmett. Really, the poor man seriously needed to unwind. Emmett rolled off of the floor, clapped and cheered and whistled. He only sat down reluctantly when Edward tugged on his arm like a fussy grandmother to an errant child in church.

Demetri and Felix had heard rumors of a bet. They could not believe Tanya was wasting her time with Edward so thought it must be some kind of strange practical joke. From their perspective, Edward did not seem the least bit interested. He looked like he'd rather set his own bonfire than stay in the room another moment.

Tanya chortled aloud as the scent of the mountain lion and Bella hit the room combined with her power, the men in the club began to go insane. Edward's eyes turned black and he swallowed a mouthful of venom and gulped. His eyes bugged out like sunflowers at noon that could not help but follow the light's rays. Tanya smirked in triumph as she noted he stopped breathing a time or two.

Now was time to let it all out, she decided, and turned her powers on to the maximum. Blocking Edward from her mind, she unveiled her ace in the hole. She knew that Jasper had promised that he would not actively use his power to influence the bet, but Tanya was not above using _her_ powers on him.

Smiling beatifically, Tanya overwhelmed Jasper with the largest dose of lust she could produce. All of Jasper's feelings immediately unleashed an emo-tsunami onto the entire room. Every person in the room now received a double dose of power – Tanya's ability to make men desire her combined with Jasper's definitely-Denali-induced-lust. _"Victory was going to taste so sweet,"_ she inwardly sang as she watched Edward squirm in his seat, fighting to remain impassive. She could see his breath increase.

The mortal men looked like they were ready to have a heart attack. The one named Eric literally drooled and cried as she slowly unbuttoned her costume top and threw it into the roaring crowd. The wispy cotton landed on Aro's head and the tiny gnome-like vampire acted positively scandalized. And delighted. How odd.

Aro clapped his hands together in glee shouting, "Isn't that wonderful!"

She tried not to laugh when Jasper could not take it any more and fled the room promising Edward over his rapidly disappearing shoulder that he'd return in a few minutes. Tanya realized she had better seize the moment when Edward popped to his feet looking all outraged and lust crazed. Emmett yanked him back to his chair, so Tanya decided to work the room.

Marcus must have hired a style consultant or something because he looked fantastic, considerably better than the last time she'd seen him. His face remained impassive but Tanya could swear she saw the left side of his mouth twitch in the ghost of a smile at the sight of Jasper speeding by his table. Caius looked like he was going to have to wipe trails of venom drool from his chin.

Jane was the second vampire in the room who broke. She reached over to the next table, grabbed the astonished but pleased Tyler, and dragged him through the crowd. She'd had her eye on him for quite some time.

Sighing in irritation, Edward started to rise from his seat to protect the mortal when Jane hissed at him at vampire frequency and speed as she slammed the door, _"I'm not going to turn him, idiot. I'm just going to do him. He'll have the time of his life and I'll ruin him for all other women. And I'd really like to see you try and stop me grasshopper. Or do you want to join?"_ She mentally leered. He hoped she was joking. Seriously. Because ew.

Edward looked aghast in her direction and stammered at vampire pitch a most decisive, "No."

He resumed his uncomfortable position in the hot seat. Tyler's howls of pleasure could be heard over the music.

_'It was a good thing Lauren was not here,'_ Tanya mused, she really would like to see the girl take on Jane over Tyler once she finished her transition. Edward did a double-take and froze. Tanya decided she needed to get his attention back on her.

Tanya took off the nurse's hat and unclasped her hair, shaking it loose in all its glory. With the fans blowing dry ice around the room, her action sent another waft of the scent of mountain lion and Bella through the room. She watched his eyes darken to pitch with a satisfied grin. He had forgotten to hold his breath, thanks to Jane's distraction, God love the girl. She would have to give her some magnificent gift when this was over. This was going to be child's play.

With her best, "I can't help being a bad girl" expression, Tanya threw the hat to one of Marcus' group who caught it with a grin. The tall blond with the icy eyes had such a bad boy look about him even if he was from that frumpy family in Italy. But there was a cute guy from the Ukraine at table three.

She tantalizingly reached for the waistband of her skirt and slowly, hips swaying to the beat turned around so that her back faced Edward. Tanya slid the tiny piece of fabric down her legs, caressing herself in the process. She sighed in pleasure as she gave him and the rest of the room a full look at her gorgeous posterior and bent to touch the floor with her hands. She couldn't help wiggling her hips a time or two.

Emmett shouted, "Damn, Tanya that is one fine piece of ass!" Followed by, "What? It's true" when Edward smacked him. "Lighten up, Edward, it's only a dance." Emmett laughed.

From her position bending over, Tanya slowly stroked her fingertips up her legs and caressed her behind, and sighed in delight. The majority of the men sighed right along with her. That trick worked every time. Tanya unhurriedly rose to her full height and beamed another wave of lust around the room.

She decided it was time to move in for the kill. Tanya turned around so he could see the thong with the embroidered message of, 'Bite me right here Edward,' on it. She strutted to his table as she slowly lowered the straps of her lacy bra. The room roared its approval. Edward, if it was possible, acted even more uncomfortable. Tanya inwardly caroled in satisfaction, _'He's so going to love this part.' _She ran her right hand down to the tiny black piece of fabric. She moaned and caressed herself to the beat of the music. The smell of her arousal hit every vampire in the room. And then, with her next move, all Hell broke loose.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**So Tanya has a wee bit of a complex concerning Edward. What? She insists she's perfectly healthy. Especially sexually. She should know. She's had lots and lots and lots and lots and did I say lots of practice. Lauren meets one alpha bitch too many. And Tanya starts to dance with delighted results. She positively can't wait for the next part. **

**Edward would like you to know he was in no way aroused. Seriously. *blinks***

**Bella would like you to know that her money is still on Edward. **

**Please review, it amuses me so.**

**References:**

**Alexander the Great really earned that title:**

**http:/www (dot) biography (dot) com/articles/Alexander-the-Great-9180468**

**Helen of Troy was one hot babe. I thought it would be hilarious if it was Tanya:**

**http:/www (dot) english (dot) illinois (dot) edu/maps/poets/g_l/hd/abouthelen (dot) htm**

**Homer wrote the Iliad a fantastic epic:**

**http:/classics (dot) mit (dot) edu/Homer/iliad (dot) html**

**I've ahem, taken liberties with how Attila the Hun really died. *coughs***

**http:/ancienthistory (dot) about (dot) com/cs/attilathehun/a/attilathehun (dot) htm**

**If you haven't read Shakespeare's sonnets - run to this web site:**

**http:/www (dot) shakespeares-sonnets (dot) com/**


	4. Survival of the Btchfest part 2

**Many thanks to vjgm for validating me. :)**

**And for LJ Summers for the beta-ing. **

**Snarky Summary: So Edward kinda sorta has a bit of a problem, sexually speaking with Bella. His family tricks him into confessing, and plans on helping him out in his time of need. Bella sends Tanya after Edward on a bet to see if Tanya can seduce him. If Bella wins, she manages to humble Tanya in one hand, and gain a lesson from the vampverse's best sex experts on the other. Bella is all kinds of happy at present. Victory is going to be so sweet. Cause Tanya's going down. Not like that. Perverts. **

**Tanya, for her part, would like you all to know that she can tell when a man is turned on by her, and Edward might have ferocious will power, but she can tell he's breaking. He's putty in her hands.**

**Irina and Kate and Felix and Demtri and Marcus and Aro and even Caius are amused by Tanya's antics but don't think she has a prayer of getting Edward to loosen up. Even for one night. And so we return to the club. All hell has just broken out, from what Edward sees. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. So there.**

**Many thanks to all who have reviewed!**

**Shout outs to my muses: akemi, photogal, AJo4, AngieNCarter, anniebeme, shichi, antipyro, Fitten, AliciaZA, Wanderer417, BellaS, sweetness4683, LJ Summers, fanficreader83, Jessy-Anne, Cullen Concession, mercury10872, Emmy, superstarrah, nofangsallowed, elmathelas, the shrew, WIERD101, ttyyyytt, stykks, JB30, aerobee82, prettyflour, MilitzaG, and Darkdefender89.**

**

* * *

**

**Survival of the B!tchfest: Part Two**

When Edward's brothers had informed him that he would be subjected to a bachelor party, he had decided to humor them with good grace. He had put everyone through such emotional turmoil in the past that he figured attending the party represented the least he could do to make them happy. He anticipated loathing every minute of it. From Edward's perspective, the night was living up to his underwhelming expectations. Not that he would let them know it. He did not want to hurt their feelings - or worse, be rude. He did not understand why humans found this ritual of passage entertaining. How, precisely, was he proving his masculine status by sitting in a room full of drunk humans and scandalously unattired females?

Due to years of ignoring her thoughts, Edward had not been paying attention when Tanya had sauntered onto the stage dressed in a nurse's costume. Edward had been occupied with the satisfied thoughts from Demetri's mind concerning the planned turning of Lauren Mallory. At his expression of shock pondering the notion of Lauren as a newborn, Tanya's face had brightened with excitement and she had actually licked her lips at him. Edward thought Tanya had fed earlier that day? Did he need to offer her some of his emergency supply? Vampires had no need to lick their lips unless it involved cleaning up blood. With so many humans in the room, it would be unfortunate if Tanya were to lose control.

Befuddled, Edward blinked as he detected the scent of Bella coming from all over Tanya combined with the blood of a mountain lion. For a fraction of a second, he panicked, wondering if his cousin had dined on his fiancée. That would explain the whole lip-licking issue. Thankfully, Irina showed him mental images of Tanya purloining Bella's pillowcase, shampoo, and a sample of mountain lion blood. And this proved the whole delusional hypothesis - seeing as vampires did not radiate body heat, therefore Tanya's pulse points did not function. Ew. Mentally, he rolled his eyes. Women! Thank goodness Irina had overcome her gender's capricious tendencies and evinced the common sense to mentally "show" him how that his beloved bride was safe and well.

Fingers flying at immortal speed under the table, Edward sent Bella a text to double-check. He attempted to assuage his paranoia by reminding himself that with a house stuffed full of aristocratic vampires and Volturi guards, Bella was in the safest place in Forks. Had something untoward happened, Marcus, Aro, and Caius would not be sitting there so comfortably.

Emmett thought to Edward, _"Um, buddy, you don't want to have your hands moving under the table."_

At Edward's mystified expression, his brother explained, _"Everyone, mortal and immortals alike will think you are really getting off on Tanya's performance if you know what I mean."_

Edward detested being the center of attention, but quailed as he slid his phone back into his pocket at the ramifications of just what would have happened had his brother not warned him. He had no intention of being the cynosure of all eyes by engaging in deviant behavior.

"See?" Emmett hissed and tilted his head towards a triumphantly grinning Tanya.

As he made sure his hands were in plain view above the table, Edward belatedly realized his outward behavior was being misinterpreted by half the room as well. Further, it egged Tanya on as she started dancing, if you could call her gyrating movements that appeared more like a snake writhing by that term.

Edward could not decide what was more bizarre; Lauren Mallory bribing a stripper and thinking she could actually come within a foot of him, or Tanya's upstaging of the scheme. And really, how did the mentally-challenged, marginally scheming, and overly-malicious Miss Mallory think she was going to keep him still as she attempted to perform a lap dance?

It gobsmacked Edward that his cousin went so far as to order Lauren Mallory turned so she could dance for him. Who did that? For a dance? Edward had always worried for Tanya's mental heath, but now he seriously wondered. Had she completely lost her mind in the past year? The woman seemed demented and clearly in need of professional assistance. He would have to discuss this matter with his Father.

Despite that whole spending decades hating being a vampire business, Edward could not find it within himself to feel a modicum of pity for Miss Mallory. Frankly, Edward could not think of anything that marked her as being exceptional from others, beyond the combination of a shrewish tongue and viperish temperament. If those qualities were magnified through her turning immortal, it would serve the Volturi right. Tanya had handed Marcus a diplomatic land mine in the form of Lauren, given the treaty with the Quileute tribe. If Edward interfered, that would cause his family to admit they had knowledge of the affair, so his conscience smarted. He sent Marcus a message regardless, hoping he could stop things before they got that far.

Edward would not have wished Lauren on James or that Victoria-whatever-her-name-was wench. His eyes darkened at the thought of those hated figures and memories of Phoenix. Once again, Edward realized that that outward behavior was being misconstrued as passion of an entirely different nature by Tanya. Edward tried, therefore, to call upon his manners and ignore Tanya's dancing, but she had other ideas.

Watching Tanya shimmy her way around the room and knowing that she believed she was successfully manipulating his emotions dismayed him. He felt so sorry for his poor cousin. Clearly, she had finally reached her limit with all the trauma that had happened over the past year and had snapped. Given their immortal audience, Edward could not determine what had made her so inspired tonight of all nights to torment him. Edward could not recall murdering her cat or insulting her late Mother during their last conversation.

The sole comfort he had, aside from knowing what waited for him back at home, was the knowledge that all eyes were most definitely on _her_, rather than him. For once, he thanked God for Tanya simply being Tanya. All the men would not be able to tear their eyes away and he would be left in peace as she sauntered her way from table to table. He estimated he had fifteen minutes left before he could gracefully escape.

Then, Tanya turned her avaricious gaze towards Jasper. Taken in combination with her blocked thoughts, this did not bode well. Jasper went from being mildly amused to nervous as warily, he eyed their cousin. Edward could read from Jasper's thoughts that Tanya's emotions were a combination of lust, mischief, and glee. Lots and lots of glee.

Edward recalled the chaos from the Alaska incident all those years ago the respect he had learned for his empathic brother's talent. Watching her impact so many people in the room, the past two minutes of Hell had taught Edward new respect for Tanya's power. As she approached, he could discern her lurid fantasies of the two of them doing things that he suspected were illegal in nine states and eleven countries. What was with her preoccupation with oral sex? Everyone had heard what she had done to poor Attila. Edward tried to banish from his psyche the sexual propositions Tanya sent. Momentarily, he marveled at the flexibility Tanya displayed in her fantasies. He would have to try that one with Bella once she was changed, he noted absentmindedly. That led him down the road to worrying about his fiancée and her unusually distant behavior. Edward tuned out the room. All roads let to Bella.

The next image from Tanya's pickled mind caught him off guard and irritated him, as he was preoccupied with considerably more weighty matters. Apparently, Tanya fantasized about making him scream her name in ecstasy like a juvenile girl and groveling before her knees begging for more. As if. Edward made a mental note to make sure he sounded more masculine during marital relations with his wife. Having Tanya's inappropriate thoughts run through his mind when smelling Bella's scent and the mountain lion blood and pondering making love to his bride made his vampiric instincts misfire. His glass of alcohol shattered the second he touched it. Oops. Emmett handed him another with a meaningful glance. Edward had forgotten the basic rule about those immortal powers on human objects for a moment.

While he carefully picked up the glass shards in a napkin, Tanya mentally asked Edward if Bella could move like that during sex and gave him a graphic visual with her mind. At the mention of Bella's name, Edward started to lose his temper. He increased his efforts to fight her gift and did not bother being subtle about it for Tanya's sake. Tanya raised an eyebrow, gave a small smirk, and handily doubled her power aiming it straight at Jasper. The shrew.

Sitting in the roomful of people with every single one experiencing a maelstrom of wildly lustful thoughts that bombarded him felt bad enough, Edward conceded. He had to give Tanya credit; using Jasper's empathic talent in tandem with her own was positively inspired. Poor Jasper's acted pole axed as Tanya unleashed Tanya Denali-Lust-Hell on him. Anyone with half a brain knew not to mess with Jasper. Edward did not even want to think about how his brother was going to respond to this violation.

Tanya's power, however, did not seem to be working on his brother as she had anticipated. Jasper already was trying to ignore the emotions of everyone in the club. Having Tanya make him feel desire against his will meant his brain signals became confused. Jasper turned to Edward wearing a deer-in-the-headlights expression. Then things became even worse. Jasper's mind suddenly experienced the overwhelming desire to grab his shorter brother roughly by the cheeks and French kiss him while groping his posterior.

_'Alice liked that a lot, wouldn't Edward?'_ the thought popped into Jasper's spiraling out of control brain.

Marcus looked over at their table and said to Jasper, "Leave. Now."

Edward could hear Jasper marveling at the pillow-like softness of his lips. Mentally, he prepared to have to face-palm Jasper if he so much as twitched in his direction. Jasper gawped at Edward in horror, stood and fled the room. He promised to return once it was safe sounding all responsible, the puling coward.

Jasper inwardly chanted that he was straight over and over and sprinted at top speed back to Alice. He had never been attracted to any man. And could not understand what the heck Tanya had done. But oh she was definitely going to pay for it.

Even more disturbing to Edward, everyone's lustful thoughts combined with Tanya's power and Bella's scent and his thoughts of his fiancée were causing parts of him to well, misbehave. Tanya had noticed and was clearly eyeing his pants with unholy glee. He had to distract himself, so he focused on remembering Jasper's terror. When that did not work, he thought of his mother-in-law's face. That did the trick.

In desperation, Edward considered moving tables and sitting with the Volturi. Everyone knew since they had ordered the Denali sisters' mother executed that Tanya was uncomfortable around them. It was cruel, but perhaps the better part of valor.

Edward hoped for the sake of his Mother, Sister, Fiancée and the Volturi wives that Alice had a vision of this and was waiting for her mate in the woods at a prudent distance from the house. Fearing a repeat of Alaska, Edward had a brief mental image of having to burst into a vampiric orgy to rescue his blushing bride, and not being able to return to the house for several years due to the incessant sex occurring within its walls. At that thought, he panicked and started to rise from his seat. If Jasper was not stopped and his out of control powers impacted the mansion's current residents, the Volturi would kill them all for subjecting their wives to waves of passion without their husband's being present. Given that the house was stuffed to the rafters with immortals from all over the world, Lord knows who would pair up, and that meant that his precious Bella could also be subjected to unwanted attention. He immediately stood, ready to follow Jasper.

Emmett's cell phone received a text message at that moment from Alice saying that she and Jasper were twenty miles from the house and everyone was safe. Drat. Now Edward had to stay as his brother cheerfully yanked him back to his chair with a, "Oh no you don't, buddy."

Carlisle was the second Cullen to break ranks and retreat. Inwardly grousing at the unfairness of the universe, Edward saw his Father throw an amused glance over his shoulder as Carlisle mentally encouraged, _"Son, stay strong for Bella."_

Longingly, jealously, Edward watched his Parent make his way through the crowd and discreetly slip out the back door. Edward knew if he left the room prematurely Tanya's feelings would be hurt. Pride dictated that he had to show her and the rest of the intrigued immortals in the room unequivocally that he was not interested. And she was making it almost impossible by blaring waves of lust that were altogether different than the ones Jasper had sent all those years ago. These were stronger, more animalistic. She really was worse than the newborns. Not that it was working on him. But still.

Edward figured that a few more minutes letting Tanya make an idiot out of herself was a small price to pay for appearance's sake. In the meantime, he required a distraction. Distractions were good. He'd been using them to bolster his self-control around Bella. He needed one that would get his mind off of Tanya. Fast. He feared if he thought of his mother-in-law too often that it would stop working, so Edward chose another harrowing thought – his absent father-in-law's hygiene issues.

Emmett's mind chided him, _"Stop looking disgusted or the immortals in the room might get the idea that it's not just Tanya you aren't attracted to, it's all women and your marriage to Bella is a ruse."_ Right.

At the word 'marriage,' Edward went back to thinking of how he could escape from the bargain he had made with his beloved. He was running out of time. And fast becoming desperate.

Ben wondered why Edward looked so sad all of a sudden.

Edward hissed at Emmett hollered, "Go Tanya!" Shouting off the battle field in the presence of mortals was rude. Emmett knew better.

"So are you going to flee as well?" Edward tried not to plead.

Emmett laughed incredulously, "Um, Eddie my boy, why would any self-respecting man want to leave? I mean, look at her? That's freaking hot!" Emmett shouted encouragement at Tanya again who smoldered back at their table amused. "Baby! Shake your moneymaker!" Emmett put up his palms and actually acted like he was a drooling canine and he wagged two large bills at Tanya.

In a low vampire-pitch voice, Edward chided, "You do realize that Rose is going to kill you, right? Why are you waving money at Tanya? That seems highly inappropriate. Won't she be offended?" Edward sounded outraged. Confused, too.

"Edward, my boy, there's something you need to learn about handling women," Emmett declared back at the same frequency. His eyebrows rose as he heard his brother snort at his pompous words. "Since you've clearly never been to a strip club follow my lead. You need to know first, it's man-law that you wave money at strippers. Right now Tanya is your personal stripper, and it would be discourteous of you if you did not offer her money. You should take out a few fifties to show her your appreciation every time she comes by - think of it as professional courtesy. Watch what I do. Second, Eddie, Rose knew that I would most likely be seeing a human stripper tonight. I'm sure by now Jasper has told her that it's Tanya. Third, I am an _ass_ man. And that is one _damn fine_ piece of ass shaking her groove thing. Are you telling me you don't think her ass is attractive?" Emmett acted appalled.

"Her figure is . . . pleasing," Edward muttered uncomfortably.

He did not want to appear rude to Tanya even if he felt angry at her peculiar behavior. How much money should he offer her? He could not decide. How much did you normally offer a stripper?

Edward recalled his rebellious days in Chicago when he had lurked around the seedier parts of town trawling for prey as they had emerged from dens of iniquity. He had never actually bothered to enter those establishments back then. He may have been a fiend, but he was a discriminating monster with morals, despite that all rampage for years killing business. Since he did not know how much they paid loose women back_ then_ he could not calculate for the increase in the cost-of-living over time. Drat. Edward disliked not knowing what to do in the present situation. He certainly was not going to indicate his ignorance in front of Newton and his other human friends. That would be too humiliating. They were all absorbed like children at a zoo watching wild animals cavort and fortunately paid him no mind.

"So you're not an ass man are you Edward?" Emmett laughed. Out loud. At human pitch. The others at the table turned at that question roared over the volume of the music. Edward did not like the direction of this conversation.

Mike Newton wondered why Edward was not staring slack jawed at that gorgeous female who seriously knew how to dance. The guy acted like a preschooler who needed to go to the bathroom and was afraid to ask, jittering in his chair instead. Now Emmett was cool. It was a shame he did not see more of him. They could hang out.

Cautiously Edward said, "Whether or not I am attracted to that part of the anatomy is not the issue here. You're married," he blurted at human volume. Diversions were good. Emmett deserved this.

"Wait a minute, when did you get married? And who did you marry?" Mike asked in confusion.

Eric Yorkie and Ben Cheney wondered the same thing. Eric thought that must explain why Rosalie had barely been seen in public lately. He speculated that she must have already delivered a baby by now.

Cheney tore his eyes away from Tanya long enough to feel happy for Emmett. Rosalie was smoking hot. They made a great couple. He did a double-take as he realized there was a squirrel peering through the window at them. Apparently, the squirrel liked strippers. Who knew? Ben went back to watching the dancer.

Edward could smell the alcohol on Newton's breath. He did not ordinarily approve of the underage consumption of alcoholic beverages but decided, just this once, that it might be beneficial if Mike, Eric, and Tyler drank enough to forget the evening. If that did not work, he might have to resort to using other means. He knew a guy . . .

Emmett did not mind being outed as being married seeing as was quite proud of his wife. "It feels like I've been married for decades," Emmett boasted, "and of course, I married Rosalie. Here have another on me." Emmett slid a whiskey bottle to Mike and poured him a shot, and one each for Ben and Eric.

"Wait a sec. You're telling me you married your _sister_? Isn't that like, illegal? I mean, I know she's smoking hot and all, but still..." Mike looked sincerely shocked. He hiccupped. And grabbed the shot glass, gulped it down, and beamed the particular joy only an underage teenage male would when Emmett refilled it, contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Minor idiot. But still.

Ben could not believe that a respectable family like the Cullens were letting him drink. For free. And throwing such a party for someone uptight like Edward. Poor guy looked like a trapped rat. Ben thought Edward needed to get out more often and hang with the guys. It might loosen him up.

Emmett tried to quell the not-quite scandal with reminding the humans of their cover story, "Rosalie and I are not related by blood. Edward, Alice and I are brother and sister. Jasper and Rose are twins, remember Mike?" Emmett pretended to take a sip, "And besides, just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu." He chortled.

"Whatever," Mike slurred and pointed at Emmett. "Hey, why aren't you drinking? You have barely touched that glass." Ben and Eric tore their eyes away from the dancing to see what all the commotion was about.

"I want to be sober for my Rose tonight. Wouldn't you in my place? Whiskey versus Rosalie it's just not a contest." Emmett drawled.

Eric thought that Emmett had a level head about him and was awfully nice to try to take attention away from Edward who looked like he was going to sprint out of the room any second. Any reasonable person could tell he had it bad for Bella and vice versa. He was not sure why the dancer acted like she was planning on making a play for Edward. That seemed inappropriate based on the four bachelor parties he had attended. And honestly, Eric thought, if she laid a hand on Edward the guy would probably recoil so much and freak out in sincere confusion that the dancer would die of embarrassment. Which would make for excellent video. Not that he was going to do it. But he was definitely tempted.

Ben was thankful that Reverend Weber had found an excuse not to show up. If he saw what was going on, Ben would be assigned a whole bunch of prayers.

Mike's thoughts turned to perverse mental images of Rosalie in lingerie, Rosalie doing highly inappropriate things to Newton in the biology classroom, Rosalie happily screaming his name in the back seat of his Mother's brand new mini-van as he pounded...Newton flinched as Edward's hand slammed on the table. What was up with that freak? He acted like he didn't want to be there, and that hottie had been brought in to dance just for him. I mean, he'd never seen Edward be this rude before. It surprised Mike. Well, it's a tough job, but someone has to make that dancer feel appreciated, Mike decided and turned back to stare at Tanya.

Edward thanked God Emmett could not read minds. Since Newton had the attention span of a gnat, Mike quickly went back to staring greedily at Tanya.

"So Mike, are _you_ an ass man?" Emmett asked.

Ben Cheney immediately had an image of certain parts of his girlfriend, clothed of course, the he was dying to see.

Eric sighed thinking of the asses in his mental collection.

Edward could not figure out why for the life of him Emmett was having this vulgar conversation with an imbecile like Newton and causing distress to the other humans. He did not like the direction of Mike's thoughts as they shifted from Rosalie to Tanya to Bella. Edward gripped his hands on top of the table as visions of Bella's rear end flashed in Mike's mind. Edward growled at a level that only the vampires in the room could hear as Mike's drunken thoughts debated whether or not his Bella's bustline was superior to her rear. When Mike fantasized about engaging in highly inappropriate activity with Bella at Newton's outfitters, Edward lost his patience with Mike and growled louder.

If Emmett didn't change the conversation, he was going to have to kill Newton, audience be damned.

Emmett mentally shouted at Edward, _"Man, you need to chill and get your game face back on because Tanya is staring. And that look on your face combined with you growling is making her wet in all the wrong ways."_

Eric knew Bella would never crash the stag party and wondered what had Edward looking so upset. He actually looked angry enough to jump Newton, who was minding his own business. Eric wondered if maybe it was time to take the alcohol away from Edward. Who knew the guy would be a mean drunk. Eric reached across and took Edward's glass and shot Emmett a meaningful look. Discreetly he made a cutting motion over his neck. Ben Cheney moved the bottle closer to Emmett.

Edward shuddered at the crude language and Emmett continued his silent lecture. _"That's not helping either, moron. You're going to hurt her feelings. Relax, it's just a dance, Mr. Impressive Self-Control. Eric thinks you're drunk and mean, now. And is ordering me to stop giving you drinks. Ben is moving the bottle away from you. What a cute kid."_

For one singular moment, Edward felt grateful that his brother and friends offered him something to focus on other than Tanya's shenanigans. Until that is, Newton opened his mouth and spoke.

"Uh, I dunno Emmett whether I like asses or tits or legs," Mike blearily answered throwing back another shot, "I just know I like hot chicks. And _that _chick is fine." He leered at Tanya and then turned to Edward. "How is it that you get all the hot chicks panting after you Edward?" All the girls at school would pant after him whenever Cullen walked by, his brothers too. But since everyone knew the brothers were dating, that made all the women focus on Edward, and he could have cared less. That was just unfair.

"Simple, Newton, I ignore them. It apparently makes me irresistible," Edward smoothly replied.

Ben Cheney laughed, "That's totally true. He's completely oblivious when chicks hit on him." The he turned back to the dance watching like a kid at an aquarium as the shark was fed.

Lord, Edward inwardly flinched, now Tanya winked at him as she shook her hips seductively. The room was going wild. She was dancing through the room running her fingers through the men's hair, planting a gentle kiss here and there. Aro was perched atop his chair waving his robe over his head like a towel. Caius stood on the table and actually managed to do a decent job dancing. Marcus sat with his usual impassive expression and silently thought at Edward, _"This should be done in five minutes. I find it helpful to stare at either her shoes or the top of her head so as not to cause offense."_ Marcus was his hero.

Emmett shouted his approval and waved a napkin over his head. Tanya strutted to their table and literally bumped her hips against Emmett's side. She turned shimmied against Emmett's back and cooed at him. Emmett looked up and down at her assets with a fascinated expression as she leaned over and chastely kissed his forehead. Emmett stuffed two fifties in the waistband of her skirt. He almost looked like a gourmet tasting wine sniffing in satisfaction at the vintage. Tanya smirked at Edward and moved to another table. She blew him a kiss as she danced away.

"Rose is still going to kill you." Edward taunted at vampire pitch, "And now you have Tanya and Bella's scent all over you. How do you plan on explaining that to Rose? I can't have my bride murdered by my sister. Think of the children." He stared at the young human men sitting at the table.

"Relax Edward, I'll tell her everything. Rose loves Tanya and knows darn well that I'm not attracted to our cousin. Rose would kill me if I didn't help Tanya out by acting politely, given she's shaking her ass off for you in front of a roomful of immortals and humans and you're sitting there looking for all the world to see like you just sucked a bushel of lemons." Emmett returned quietly at a rate the humans nearby could not hear.

At Edward's wince, Emmett raised his voice and said, "Actually, I think it'll lead to the best sex we've had in ages. Rose is going to go insane with jealously knowing that I've seen Tanya in all her glory and can I just say the girl is damn fine. I don't know how you avoided hitting that for all these years, buddy. But Rosie...She's going to feel the need to prove that she's better than Tanya. I can hardly wait. Rose ordered a stripper pole to be installed in our bedroom today." Emmett leered as he bellowed with laughter.

Edward gawped at his brother, stunned that he would share such personal information in public. Every immortal in the room had just heard that Tanya had unsuccessfully attempted to court him, although most of them were lust-dazed and not really paying attention. He felt so bad for her. He did not want her shamed in front of the aristocrats that packed the room. When it came to the mortals, Edward realized Emmett's scandalous story would certainly deflect their attention from him. Edward decided that maybe Emmett wasn't such an imbecile, after all. Then Newton had to open his mouth again.

"Cullen, are you seriously telling me you turned that _amazing_ piece of quality ass down?" Mike blurted, horrified as he looked at Edward over the top of his shot glass like Edward was a specimen. Everyone at the next table, immortals all from France gawped. "Man," Mike ranted, "if I didn't see you chasing after Bella, and staring at her ass a time or two after hearing _that_ I would swear you were gay - not that there's anything wrong with that." He held up a palm, "No offense man." Mike had just enough self-preservation to realize that he was getting on Edward's nerves. Edward gritted his teeth and mentally pictured torturing Mike as Emmett laughed. Eric joined in. So did Ben. The rumor swept through the room.

Despite her outrageous behavior, Edward had to protect Tanya. Edward bitingly replied. "She's family, Mike."

Newton scratched his head, "So are you telling me that it's normal for you guys to strip for each other? You're _that _kind of family?" He belched. "'Scuse me."

Edward rolled his eyes and decided that it was not worth explaining to an inebriated Newton. He didn't think Mike could get any more stupid; clearly drinking enhanced his limited personality.

"Do you have cousins, Mike?"

"Yeah, six of em, all girls."

"Would you want to date any of them?"

"Ew. Hell no. That's gross."

"I have always seen Tanya as a cousin. And she has never seriously made an overture to me. Emmett is joking at my expense." That was not entirely true but Edward said it convincingly, so more rumors flew.

Edward decided on simply saying, "Mike, one look at Bella and that was all it took for me. She is my everything."

Mike seemed satisfied with that reply. Ben and Eric raised their glasses and said, "here, here," and toasted each other.

With the attention span of a toddler, Newton went back to drooling over Tanya, who appeared to be trying to impersonate a domesticated feline while dancing. Edward noticed she was half-a-beat off time with the music.

Eric decided it was time to switch to water because he did not want to get plastered. He went and found a pitcher and brought it back to the table, and filled glasses for himself, Ben, and Edward. He knew better than to try to convince Mike to sober up. Good thing that the Cullens had arranged for them to be dropped off after the party by a limousine.

Speaking of good things, Eric thought, he really hoped that Tyler would date Jane instead of that poisonous Lauren. He'd have to see what he could do to encourage that. Tyler had been gone an awfully long time.

Trailed by a solemn Jane, a barefoot Tyler returned from the back room looking like a changed man with a happy grin, sat down and winced, grabbing his abdominal region. Edward saw Jane rearranging her curls and giving a fond smile to Tyler as she passed the table and grazed his back with her fingers not so discreetly while walking by. Jane took a position standing behind Marcus.

Looking for all the world like he'd been the victim of a stampede, Tyler's clothes were rumpled, and his usually immaculate hair was disheveled. The left shoulder of his shirt had been torn. A satisfied looking sock was stuffed into the pocket of his button-down shirt and the other one was draped over his shoulder. Tyler clearly didn't care. He gazed pleadingly at Emmett who handily poured him a shot of whiskey. Tyler drank it with gusto.

Emmett poured him another sympathetically saying, "Man, you look like you need the bottle. Take it, my friend."

Tyler said, "Bella's cousin is an animal. Damn. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow. I feel like I ran a marathon. She wants to see me at dawn. God Damn! I think I'm in love. Do they do tattoos here? I want her name right here," he slapped his left buttock.

Eric said, "Tyler, what about Lauren?"

Tyler laughed at him incredulously, and said, "Eric, are you serious? What about her? We broke up last night cause I heard she wanted to crash the party and told her she couldn't. Jane is the best sex I've ever had in my life. She's ruined me for all women."

Tanya once again sent a wave of her power towards everyone at the table. Really, this was becoming irritating, Edward decided. He concentrated on Emmett's thoughts needing another distraction since he knew that he'd messily dispatch Mike to his marginal beyond if he continued reading Newton's immature musings.

Edward then had the mental image from Emmett's thoughts of Rose stripping to the greatest hits of Whitesnake and wanted to purify his mind. Except that now he needed therapy. He had to admit though, that disturbing mental picture certainly helped distract him from Tanya. He needed to buy Bella some more music seeing as her CD collection could use refinement. Bella loved all kinds of music which made for great debates.

Edward stared at Tanya's shoes, following Marcus' advice, as his brother cheered Tanya on as she danced. He couldn't help but think from a detached point of view that she was a talented dancer. And not that he would ever ask her to wear heels, but he liked that color of leather for shoes for Bella. Oh, Lord help him, Edward contemplated fleeing the room when he understood that Tanya intended to disrobe.

Ben looked at the window when reaching for his drink and noticed the squirrel took one look at Tanya as she began to strip and fled. Dumb animal.

Edward's head screamed with the force of every vampire and mortal man in the room's lustful evaluations as they stared at Tanya. He had been to medical school. Twice. In a professional capacity, he had seen plenty of naked bodies. Edward had even seen Tanya's body before as she had sent the mental image to him countless times. He mentally gritted his teeth and prepared for the worst. And decidedly blocked the thoughts of everyone in the room. His head really pounded now. Emmett slipped him a flask discreetly and he took a sip at vampire speed.

This development was unfortunate because it meant more time away from Bella as Edward peeked at his watch. For reasons completely beyond his understanding, the clothes seemed to take an interminable time to come off of her. For goodness' sakes, it was not like she was wearing much in the first place. Bella changed considerably faster. Tanya started with her shirt, Edward glimpsed from Ben's thoughts as he kept his eyes firmly on a spot right above her. She tossed that garment onto Aro's head (he had to give her points for creativity there) and then moved to her skirt. Edward could not help but wish she would simply hurry up and get it over with. He did not see what the big deal was. She was taking forever, and he was trying to pretend to look while in reality focusing his eyes over her shoulder. Clearly, Tanya enjoyed every second, and the reaction from the crowd. Several immortals shouted vulgar propositions at vampire pitch. He hoped Tanya would stop there with her dance routine.

Alas, Lady Luck would never smile upon him so. Unfortunately, the sight of Tanya in her brassiere and the whisp of fabric that passed for undergarments made the room explode. It took all of his impressive will power not to gawp when he saw from Emmett's awed thoughts that her thong had "Bite me Edward right here" embroidered on it. Shouldn't that have a comma? He felt unclean for even noticing it. The outfit, not the poor grammar. Oh, for the love of God, now she's touching herself there. Could women go blind from that?

Eric thought something was really seriously messed up with Tanya to be wearing that outfit. It was completely disrespectful to Bella.

Ben Cheney said, "If she's your cousin, what's with the thong?"

"Yeah," Tyler echoed.

Edward and Emmett had to scramble to save Tanya's reputation. Edward said, "We found out that Lauren had hired away the original stripper."

"Oh, thank God," Tyler said.

"Tanya talked to Lauren, found out she was single and introduced her to a friend from South America. They are out on a date right now," Edward smoothly lied.

Emmett interjected, "Tanya wanted Edward to have a normal party and she's a famous dancer so she volunteered to help. She's wearing Lauren's costume. We all know that Tanya has the hots for that Ukrainian guy at table three." Emmett picked the richest immortal in the room that was not mated. Tanya, hearing every word, winked at Emmett and table three.

The Ukrainian guy at table three heard every word, being an immortal, and definitely had plans to see Tanya. He could not believe his luck.

The entire room seemed to go insane as the men, both mortal and immortal, collectively rose to their feet, shouting and cheering and whistling rude invitations. The bartender was sobbing joyously, Edward noticed. This, Edward vowed, is what happened when you made men your only hobby. Tanya needed to get out more and explore the world. Not that way. But still. Perhaps he could get her a gardening text?

Tanya rejoiced in imminent victory. Edward had this look like a trapped rat on his face for a brief moment before his expression became smooth. And she thought it was so cute how they tried to protect her reputation in front of the immortals. Tanya gave him her best scorching stare from beneath her lashes filled with desire as she slowly unclasped her bra. She was now within a few feet of him. The mortal boys at his table all had money in their hands. Simply to mess with Edward, Tanya went over to the nearest one, Eric, she recalled, and let him stuff a crisp twenty dollar bill in her thong. She leaned over and kissed him gently on his forehead whispering that he was such a _bad_ little boy. Then she removed her bra staring at Edward the entire time.

She threw the clothing at Emmett, who managed to deflect it in such a way that it landed on Mike's head. She had to admit, the black fabric did contrast nicely with the human's blond hair and blue eyes. Tanya sashayed towards Mike's chair. She watched with amusement as Mike climaxed the second he caught her scent when the bra hit his face. And she would have to thank Emmett later, because the Ukrainian at table three was hot.

Newton shouted, "Oh, my sweet Jesus!" and eagerly stuffed a single limp dollar bill in her thong.

Tanya was not amused, and dodged as Newton tried to spank her. She mentally had to exert all her willpower to permit the scrawny human to live. That boy couldn't afford installment payments on her, and he was giving her one solitary dollar? She literally was aghast when Mike tried a second time to spank her.

Edward, bless his heart, firmly grasped Mike's arm and told him to, "Be a gentleman, Newton and remember your manners. No one hits my cousin."

Emmett added in his agreement, "Uh yeah, that's not cool, dude."

Irina and Kate were impressed that the rude human still had his head. They felt bad for Tanya, because clearly Edward acted uncomfortable, but did not seem to be swaying with lust for their sister.

Marcus announced at vampire pitch, "The mortal is not to be touched," thereby saving Newton's life as several vampires had planned on making artistic arrangements of his remains to gain favor with Tanya.

Just for spite Tanya beamed an intense wave of lust straight at that stupid human Mike Newton. She glared at Mike and he leapt from his chair and ran to the men's room holding his groin.

Tanya smirked and said at vampire pitch, "He'll be in there a while. He definitely looks like a candidate for carpal tunnel syndrome."

She moved to dance between Eric and Emmett and leaned over and kissed each one of them gently on their cheek. Edward sat there like a graven image in a museum. She could tell she was getting to him. Emmett appeared bashful, the cutie pie. She trailed an index finger down his face and neck smiling provocatively at him the entire time.

As she heard more shouting she realized the outfit she had selected was a big hit. She couldn't help sighing in pleasure as she ran her hands through her hair and slowly down her body taking time to slowly pinch her pasty covered nipples and moan as she faced Edward. The humans at the table sat slack-jawed. Tanya had to be perfectly honest; she was the hottest vampire she knew on the planet.

Tanya pranced back to Emmett and ran her arms down his impressive biceps. Emmett had to admit the girl certainly knew how to shake what her mama gave her as he leaned over and put two fifties in her thong with a bad boy smile. Tanya purred and ran her fingers through his hair, then lightly slapped him across the cheek.

_'God she was hot. Oh wait a minute; Edward is glaring at me like a Victorian schoolmarm.' _Emmett went back to trying to appear casual as Tanya danced over to his brother. He couldn't help but grin widely as she approached her prey. Edward so deserved this.

Tanya reached her hand out and trailed her fingers down the side of Edward's face asking him, "Do you like my costume, Edward? I took it off just for you, you bad man you."

The music ended and she graciously leaned in to kiss Edward on the forehead. The second her lips made contact a blue-ish green spark shot through and she jerked back covering her lips to a roar of applause from the room. Damn static electricity picked the most inconvenient times to appear.

A squirrel ran through the room skittering around the tables and leapt through the air, barely missing Tanya, who like the pro she was, ducked to the side, thereby dancing away from Edward, and pretended like the animal did not exist. The squirrel had the good sense to scamper up the stripper pole and escape through a hole in the roof. The crowd thought it was part of the act and screamed louder.

Tanya then took the initiative she had been waiting for - at that moment two more strippers she had hired from Seattle on short notice as a diversion entered the room. While everyone focused on the new girls, Tanya grabbed Edward by the end of his tie and dragged him into a corner of the room. She pushed him against a wall and started running her fingers slowly down the wall beside his arms starting at his shoulders still dancing. She made sure they were within sight of Emmett so he could verify her victory. She smirked as she heard Emmett approach and knew she would have to work fast. At the funny expression on Edward's face she laughed, knowing in her heart she had victory within her grasp.

Edward ejaculated, "Before I forget, Emmett said I had to present you with money or I would offend you. Thank you for your dance." He carefully placed $5,000 in her hand, blinking at her in equal parts earnestness and shame. "Thank you as well for giving me a moment to talk with you, Tanya," Edward said almost formally, stiff posture back in place.

"Oh?" she sang.

"Tanya, I . . . ahem," Edward looked like his Adam's apple was about to burst, "have a confession to make. I have been trying to figure out how to tell you for decades." Edward stuttered. He seemed so uncomfortable poor boy. She had to make this easy on him. She knew how hard it was for him to admit defeat after all this time.

"Hmmm? You know you can tell me anything Edward," she cooed.

"Well, this is rather delicate, and I am not sure how to phrase it," Edward fretted.

"I love it that you are so old-fashioned Edward, it just makes you that much hotter." Tanya breathed and leaned towards him.

"Tanya, have you ever wondered why I have not taken you up on your rather generous offers these past seventy-five years?" Edward wore a careful expression.

"I thought you were just being stubborn. I _know_ you find me attractive. Your lips might lie, but your body tells the truth."

Edward decided that Tanya had been reading entirely too many human romance novels and he definitely planned on sending her more gardening manuals.

"Well of course you are beautiful, Tanya, anyone with eyes could see that."

Triumph was going to be so sweet she could already taste it, as she leaned forward, and waited for more compliments. Her pasties were almost resting against the fabric of Edward's pristine crisp shirt. It was time for her to end this dance.

"But the thing is, in terms of your scent...that is the sticking factor for me," Edward stammered, clearly mortified.

Irina had no idea what was going on at that moment, but it did not look like Tanya was going to be declaring victory. She felt sorry for Edward. But it was about time he put Tanya in her place.

Kate thought that her sister was going to need lots of bonding time that evening. At vampire pitch, she said to the curious Ukranian at table three, "She's just acting for his human friends. They're settling a wager and then she's all yours."

Nonplussed, Tanya blurted, "What do you mean about my scent? I put mountain lion on just for you."

"No, I'm not referring to the mountain lion blood, Bella's shampoo, or her natural scent which I noticed you appropriated for the evening. I am talking about your normal everyday scent. I need to talk to you about it."

"I know you just didn't say that I stink." Tanya growled and sniffed at her arm in confusion. She smelled fabulous. She always did.

"Oh, heavens, no. I apologize for my poor choice in words. You smell _exactly _like my late human Mother. That is why to me you will always be family. At the very scent of you I remember how much I loved my mother. That is why it's so upsetting to me when you tease me." Edward actually gazed toward the heavens at that moment, a fallen angel who smiled at the beloved memory of his dead mother.

She noticed that Edward did not look below the level of her eyes once as he mused politely, "Tanya, I am not sure what possessed you to offer us a show of this nature - I will accept it as a wedding gift, knowing your sense of humor. Thank you for replacing the human Lauren. I would have had a hard time explaining that to Bella."

"You're telling me you were more worried about that _human_ than you were _me_?" Tanya seethed through a smile. To all the world and the audience of party-goers it appeared like they were having a pleasant conversation.

"Well of course," Edward acted confused for a brief moment. "Lauren planned on embarrassing me in front of all of their friends and trying to use that to humiliate Bella. You on the other hand, know me. You understand that my love for Bella is sacred. Pure."

Tanya cringed as Emmett snorted. He had been standing nearby listening the entire time. She felt numb as she realized she had lost the bet standing there with $5,000 in her hand.

Alice suddenly sauntered into the room looking like a well-pleasured woman. She gently took Edward by the arm and said, "Bella is at home, waiting for you."

That was all Edward needed to hear in order to offer a muted farewell and not-quite-grin to Tanya. He politely took his leave of his friends. He dashed from the building as they cheered him. Eric Yorkie thanked God that Alice was the designated driver. And that Edward had escaped without committing social disgrace. He wondered what was up with that Tanya chick.

Tanya stood feeling dejected. She knew she had to save face, so she pasted her most confident smile in place and turned back to the room. Her Ukrainian awaited.

"Oh, hello dear Tanya," Aro cheerily greeted her. "Nice pasties. They're so sparkly. Wherever did you find them?" She remembered muttering the name of the specialty store to Aro who asked Alec to note it. She didn't even want to know what Aro would do with pasties.

Tanya decided to make the best of the situation and went over to give the human Ben the lap dance of his life. As she left from the table having just given the poor boy a near heart attack, it took all her willpower not to wail when she heard Ben say defensively to another sitting by him, "I don't care if her left boob is lower than her right, she's still hot."

"_Now my hotness needs to be defended by a human, no less."_ Tanya needed to stay away from humans in Forks. They were clearly not good for her self-esteem.

In the meantime, she was going to have to calm her raging lust with Felix and Demetri. Those sweet Italian boys were going to have the night of their lives, she vowed. She hoped the Cullens had a good furniture repair person. She was so going to break the bed in the guest room, again. But first she had to toy with her Ukrainian date for a few hours.

Tanya dismissed Edward as a lost cause, she decided, with definite pathological issues. She realized she was going to have to invest her energy in his soon-to-be-bride. Tanya might have been understandably vain, but she was a good sport about bets. She decided at that point that Bella Swan was going to be the recipient of the tutorial of a lifetime. If Tanya couldn't seduce Edward, she was sure going to help Bella do it. Edward Cullen was going to suffer one way or another at Tanya's hands, metaphorically speaking, damn it.

Meanwhile, she had her immortal reputation to defend. So Tanya danced her way across the room, the object of every man's dream as she sashayed her way backstage to change into a killer outfit.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**Tanya danced and showed off her assets to the male population of Forks, both mortal and immortal alike. Despite all her machinations, Edward's love for Bella is sacred, pure.**

**Whatever.**

**CC Tanya is rolling her eyes, insisting that she did not really want to have sex with that Edward anyway. He's clearly not normal. Even she couldn't help the poor lad. **

**So there you have it. Poor Tanya. Rejected forevermore. Edward is not and will never be remotely tempted by her. How will Tanya cope with rejection? By making sure that Bella is well schooled, of course.**

**I know, I know it's the wrong part of Washington. But I can't stop staring at it. The photo below is by an amazing guy named Floris Van Breugel. I highly recommend his site:**

http (comma) /www (dot) artinnaturephotography (dot) com/photo (dot) php?id=17&gallery=mountains

And those of you re-reading this section might find this link interesting:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/stripperpoleDouglas (dot) jpg

**References:**

** has a list of the ten best songs to strip to. Totally died reading this *ahem* research. You'll have to let me know if you agree or disagree with their selection.**

http:/www** (dot) askmen (dot) com/top_10/dating_150/160b_dating_list (dot) html**


	5. Propositions and Practice

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime.**

**Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this.**

**Many thanks to GinnyW for consulting on the plot in this section.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing!**

**Snarky Summary: So, Edward by simply being Edward helped Bella win a bet chanting about how their love was sacred and pure to the sparkly pasty-adorned Tanya who had turned Jasper into a weapon of mass emo-tion. Jasper is all kinds of upset having run off to fix his ahem, issues. And plot revenge. Having lost her wager, now Tanya has to pay up and help Bella out with sexin' Edward, who has for the record, escaped from both of their clutches. Perhaps Bella should consult with a different expert. Just saying. Moving on to other plot points, Edward's family gives him a talking to about his goofball plan of a honeymoon. Going off to a deserted island with his singer? Moron. They can totally see him nom-nom-ing in all the wrong ways. So they promise to help Edward out of his little problem. That whole having sex dealio. As our chapter begins, Edward is leaving the site of the crime – I mean the club.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Three: Propositions and Practice**

Edward could not help but mourn as he left the club that Tanya had managed to ruin a perfectly good song, not that he would admit listening to it, mind you, by Nine Inch Nails. Now he would have to burn the CD to purify his mind, except it belonged to Emmett, and his brother might be distressed at the loss of his property.

Once he arrived at the house, Edward met with shamefaced-in-more-ways-than-one Jasper. Edward could hear Jasper rehearsing an apology for abandoning him to Tanya's tender mercies.

Not one to waste time, Edward had already planned his revenge. He greeted Jasper while sending out feelings of overwhelming shame, which frankly thinking about Tanya rubbing against him at the club in front of God and multiple contingents from a gaggle of countries, did not prove to be challenging to achieve.

Jasper's eyes widened as he exclaimed, "Edward, I'm so sorry. Her power was incredibly strong. I never expected her to use it on me. Are you ok?"

"Tanya's power is to make her target desire her, Jasper, not the people around you. What is with you wanting to kiss me...the way you...? And grab my…..and stare at my….." Edward's hands awkwardly fluttered halfway near certain regions of his body before pulling away. "If you are gay, then you need to be authentic to your true self and should at least tell Alice that you have feelings for me or other men in general." Edward managed to say this with the appropriate neutral mien. He even squeezed in an amiable smile or two to reassure his brother that he accepted him for what he truly was not.

"But that's just it; I don't have feelings for you or any other man. Not that way," Jasper blurted.

He quickly moved from shame to confusion at how precisely he had been used by Tanya. He had never had another immortal toy with his gift like that before, and Jasper was not amused. Which was perfectly fine with Edward. Tanya could take care of herself. Edward listened as Jasper castigated himself for not considering that she could have done that to him, and began a mental rant about how dangerous her stunt had been in front of an immortal audience.

"Jasper, I am wondering if this night has uncovered feelings that you have repressed for all these years. Feelings that I am afraid to tell you, I cannot return." Edward intoned solemnly with a mournful glance. He remembered a book Emmett had bought for him as a gag gift as a strategy for dealing with Jessica Stanley. "I mean, I love you like a brother, you know? Bella is the only one for me. Jasper, I'm just not that into you."

He could hear the chorus of frustrated perceptions shrieking off-key from Jasper's mind. This almost made up for the fifteen minutes of hell that Tanya had just subjected him to, being disingenuously propositioned by Jane (mental shudder), and having to sit by Newton all evening without killing him, Edward decided. He grinned suddenly at Jasper and cuffed his brother upside the head.

"Gotcha."

Jasper literally threw him across the front yard. Emmett, had observed the tail end of the conversation, and started making loud wet kissy noises. That resulted in an impromptu wrestling match, which Emmett won. Jasper was now doubly furious and plotting his revenge against the world in general, and Tanya in particular. He stalked towards his cottage his footsteps playing a melody of vengeance in the key of high male vexation unfortunately-cannot-kill-anyone-over-it sharp.

"Don't worry," Edward called after him, "I completely understand why you had to leave. I know I'm irresistible, Jasper!"

Emmett snorted because Edward had literally lifted the words from his brain before they could leave his own lips. His brother was a mental pick-pocket-thief of insults. Emmett decided to let it go for now and focus on tormenting the still retreating Jasper.

"Damn Jasper, if I knew you were going to make a play for Eddie, I would have ordered a kiddie pool filled with cow's blood jello for you and Tanya to stage a wrestling match. The Volturi would totally have gotten off on that." Emmett chortled. "The winner could have five, no, make that twenty seconds of heaven with Eddie."

Edward stared at his brother considering what part of him to smack first. From the front porch, Esme scolded them, "Gentleman, we have company. Mind your manners and it will be your ashes if you destroy my garden right before the wedding. Perhaps you would have better luck wrestling farther away from the mansion." They were only too happy to oblige her.

Emmett had not known about Edward's scheming and was impressed his brother could actually work up that amount of deviousness given the trauma of the past hour. "Buddy, you know that was just like, so wrong. Jasper is going to spend weeks plotting how to get you back." He rubbed his hands together in glee. "I should totally sell tickets."

Edward said, "I suspect he will be more occupied with striking after Tanya instead. I have never seen her do anything that insane." Quietly, he added, "Tanya was wrong to use Jasper's power like that on a crowd of unsuspecting immortals." He could not help but think of the implications of that.

Emmett gulped and agreed, "I know. I think she's been so cut off from everyone for the past months that it has never even occurred to her that she's playing with fire. Tanya has always done what she wanted."

"I suspect she will soon learn otherwise." Edward considered his options if she continued acting like she had lost her marbles. They approached the mansion.

Rosalie growled from upstairs in the bedroom, muttering about how laundry never seemed to end despite that whole being immortal business as she folded clothes and put them away smartly in their proper drawers.

Emmett suddenly grinned like he had won the lottery and said, "I hear you. I believe my personal show girl awaits. Night, Edward. I promise to smack you around later."

Edward hissed at him, "You had better wash Tanya and Bella's scents off of you before you go in there. Think of the family."

They both heard Rosalie screech from upstairs, "Why would Emmett need to wash off Tanya and Bella? Bella was here all night with me! Emmett McCarty you have some explaining to do. Get your fine self up here now buster! Oh Drat!"

"Oh man! Jeez Edward, thanks for ruining my night." Emmett complained as he heard the clamor from his bedroom. He wagged his finger at his brother and turned and ran, "Rosie, honey, let me give you a hand."

Edward immediately did his best to block both Rosalie and Emmett's minds. There were some things he simply did not want to know.

His phone chirped with a message from Jasper that read, _"Edward, I already told Carlisle and Emmett privately that they needed to meet in three hours at the family cabin on the lake. We'll tell anyone who asked that we were comforting you after the party from your trauma."_

What a brilliant plan. Edward wished he had thought of it first. It also had the advantage of keeping them away from the Denali sisters, who he suspected would not be in a good mood when they returned.

Edward and Esme smiled at one another as they listened to Emmett explaining to his outraged wife about Tanya's stripping act. Rosalie, fortunately for everyone concerned, believed her husband.

Esme and Carlisle sat in the living room and greeted Edward amiably. All the guests were otherwise occupied. Rosalie and Emmett actually surprised everyone by coming downstairs and talking. Ah, Edward concluded, Rose was playing hard to get. Maybe Emmett was not so scary after all.

Emmett explained in lurid detail Tanya's performance and Edward's reaction. Esme and Rosalie were both horrified on his behalf about Tanya and expressed concern as to how she would handle a public rejection. They told him about Tanya's antics prior to the show and how Bella had been mortified sitting in the kitchen hearing the sounds of Tanya and Demetri. His poor Bella. His parents were not amused at how Tanya had exploited Jasper's powers.

Marcus mentally commented to Edward, _"I have not seen Tanya since her Mother was put to death. She bears watching."_ Edward inclined his head in silent concurrence.

Edward was so mentally drained from his ordeal that he excused himself and left the room. He had been humiliated enough. To regain equanimity, he erected barriers until his mind sounded like the white noise from an old television.

Edward climbed the staircase to his room and immediately went to wash away Tanya's scent and the stink of the club. He could not stand to smell like her for another second. And there was no way in hell he would go to Bella smelling like that, much less any other woman. Edward felt better once he had changed into a fresh outfit. He sped to Bella's side needing to simply sit in her presence even though he realized she had most likely fallen asleep hours earlier. And thank goodness, someone had put fresh sheets on the bed and pillows. He suspected Alice was responsible for that.

Edward found Bella curled up on her side, her back to him, lying where he normally reclined. She shivered. He picked up a spare quilt and gently covered her. Fortunately, she continued to sleep. He sat watching the even rise and fall of her chest, listening to the unique beat of the heart he knew so well.

Bella started her usual sleep talking. He heard words like, "Tanya. Mean. Rosalie. Suck. Humiliathon. Trash. Wake up. Bozo." Her ramblings at night never ceased to amaze him. He would be thinking on her words for the next ten hours. He did not know a Bozo.

His brow furrowed in confusion. Edward had not picked up any hostility from Rosalie towards Bella when he had been at the house earlier. Clearly, he had to talk to his sister, to find out if she had been tormenting Bella in ways aside from her poor hair. They had been getting along so well. He would have to talk to Emmett to make sure they were on the same page on this matter. Edward's thoughts shifted to his other sister.

Alice had been blocking her mind when he had returned to the house earlier, which made him nervous. She had told him that it was nothing for him to worry about and that Bella was fine and that her bachelorette party had gone flawlessly. Alice had insisted that some things regarding the wedding needed to be kept from Edward or Bella would be upset with her for ruining the surprise. He could deny his angel nothing so he had dropped the matter.

Rosalie and Esme had offered a glowing account of Bella's first meeting with the Denali sisters. He was so proud of Bella for holding her own. From listening to what was not said by his Mother and sister when describing the meeting, Edward gleaned that they had edited parts of the evening. Now thanks to Bella's sleep talking, he had the idea that perhaps Tanya had been a bit rude. He had not detected any unusual hostility toward Bella from Tanya, but Tanya was an expert at blocking his thoughts.

Edward vowed to watch in the future. He did not want problems between Tanya, Bella, and him. So he had taken measures to smooth things over between them, a surprise that should arrive later today. He realized the meeting time was fast approaching and with a kiss on her brow reluctantly left the side of his beloved. As he leaned over and caressed her face, Bella smiled and sighed that she loved him. He left as quickly as he arrived, running with joy to the family cabin.

She loved him.

And that was all that really mattered in the end.

Edward would do anything to keep that.

An hour later, Edward, Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper sat around the family table in the rustic cabin.

"What did you have in mind, Jasper?" Edward asked in a hopeful voice.

"Remind me of the terms of your promise to Bella. I'm under the impression that you agreed to simply try to make love, am I correct?"

"Yes. She insisted on it; otherwise," his voice cracked, "she refused to marry me. We also agreed that I would be the one to turn her."

Carlisle asked in a gentle tone, "Why, Edward?" He put his hand on his son's shoulder.

"I do not know. I agreed because I was so desperate to get her to say yes to my offer of marriage. Bella is so selfless, I do not understand why she would insist on that particular human experience or that I be the one to turn her. She knows how terrified I am of hurting her."

Carlisle said, "I think that in this case Bella trying to show you that she is committed to you by showing you how much she trusts you. I also think she wants you to claim her. I genuinely think she does not understand how you feel. You should try to talk to her about this."

"It is so close to the wedding," Edward gulped, "that if I try to have any kind of serious discussion with her, I am afraid she will bolt. Or worse, think that I am leaving her again. I have to agree to your plan not only because it is the right thing to do, but because right now, I do not think I can talk to Bella."

Jasper said, "At times, I have felt this wave of shame, rejection, and self-loathing coming from her. And I think that is due to the emotional scarring from when we left her. But I am hypothesizing here because she is so hard to read."

Stunned, Edward exclaimed, "Jasper why did you not tell me sooner? I must go to her now and reassure her."

Jasper answered, "You know why." Edward slumped.

Emmett grabbed his arm and chided, "Hold up there, Sparky. First, she's asleep. Second, we all know she hasn't been sleeping well lately because she's been stressed. Don't interrupt what little slumber she is getting. Third, Alice and the family are all watching over her right now so she's in good hands. Let us get the planning over with and then you can cuddle. Time's a wastin'."

Jasper quietly added, "Edward, the only way that she is going to recover is by you showing her every day that she deserves your trust and that you love her. That is a key part of the plan."

"Wait, how is she going to feel valued and cherished if I am not having . . . relations . . . with her?"

Jasper laughed and waved an index finger, "Ah, but Edward Bella is going to think that you've had relations with her."

Everyone ignored that Edward would flinch every time the word "sex" or any synonym of it was uttered by anyone in the room.

"I am not drugging my wife into a stupor. Besides, there is no way even if I did that once, I could get away with doing it for a week." Edward retorted.

"Relax, no drugs will be used. And officially, ew." Jasper answered making a face.

He felt indignant that Edward would think he would stoop to such a level because he had kidnapped people for years without having to resort to weak tactics like drugs. Really. What did he think of his professionalism?

Edward sighed, "Jasper, I cannot imagine how I am going to fool Bella, perceptive Bella, into thinking she has had a wedding night."

"That's why you need us, Eddie." Emmett chortled with an evil grin. "So what are we doing?" He asked Jasper and began patting his hands on the table like a drum, "Cause he totally has a point."

"No worries Edward. I have it covered." Jasper promised.

"How, Jasper? I am not marrying an idiot." Edward almost wailed.

"Edward, I picked up a thing or two about humans that I've never shared. When I was with the Southern covens, Maria had us constantly going into public and selecting people with talent to be turned. In many cases, we would have to snatch the person discreetly right in front of others without making a scene. We had a Chinese doctor we had turned who showed us a pressure point in the neck that we could simply touch and the target would fall unconscious. The human would stay that way for hours depending upon the amount of pressure that we used."

Edward snorted derisively, "Way to go Jasper. You have just paid me back for my little joke on you earlier tonight. Now seriously, I know you have something planned other than my using the Vulcan pinch nerve move on Bella."

Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle all laughed. Then they suddenly sobered up as Jasper reiterated, "Seriously, Edward. I'm not kidding. I kidnapped people for decades without ever getting caught when I was with Maria. This is how we did it, and I never once failed. I'm going to teach you how to do that move. It also had the benefit of making the memories of the target fuzzy when they did awaken."

"How do I know it will not harm her?"

"In all my years using it, I never killed a single person with that technique. If you do it correctly, the target does not feel a thing and it leaves no marks." Jasper assured him.

Edward frowned skeptically so Jasper had to confess something. "Also, I've used it on Jessica Stanley twice at school and last time I checked, she's unfortunately still alive." Jasper drying answered.

"Um, Jasper, I'm almost afraid to ask, why are you putting your hands on Jessica Stanley? Cause last time I checked she's not stalking you and I can see her getting all kinds of excited at the idea of you touching her. She's like a pit bull of unrequited love," Emmett laughed.

"Jessica's lust for Edward became so irritating on a time or two, that I couldn't take it anymore. I was hungry on both occasions, and terrified that I'd kill her because of the intense feelings she radiated. So I knocked her out. I moved so fast the people around us didn't see me touch her. They all thought she fainted. And the best part of it is that I did it in front of you all and none of you ever noticed." Edward admitted that he typically ignored anything that had to do with Jessica Stanley.

"So that's why you blocked me when she fainted twice last year in the lunch room?" Edward said with a snicker. "I remember that and she seemed fine the next day without a mark on her. Mike Newton even caught her the second time and no one even saw you there. That was well done. You're probably responsible for their romance. Thanks, Jasper."

"Hang on there for a minute," Emmett held up a palm, "catch me up to speed. How does knocking Bella out translate to her thinking she had sex?"

Carlisle said, "I believe that this is the best part of the plan, frankly."

"Bella's going to be convinced she's fainting from pleasure. See Edward, I have all the bases covered. She'll still be a virgin, technically, and you'll be a sex god in her mind. You can convince her that it's her human reaction to your vampire charms. All of the books you've been reading on sex have specifically said that you should avoid it with humans. You can convince her that part of the reason, and this is excellent because it is true, is because the human system is vulnerable to our scent and touch. And let's face it, Bella faints at the drop of a hat anyway when you barely touch her. She'll totally believe you."

"Man, that's just wrong. Say, can I use this pressure point on Rosalie? I'd like to convince her I've made her faint." Emmett looked hopeful.

"Vampires don't faint, Emmett. Sorry." Carlisle corrected his son.

Edward winced.

Emmett sulked, "Where's the justice in this world?"

Carlisle tried to support his nervous son, "Edward, I've researched this pressure point, and it does work. Another advantage is that it does not have any lingering side effects, if done correctly. It would be prudent, I think, if in the next week or so you found a human or two to practice it on in order to ensure that you can do it discreetly."

Edward could not believe how fantastic his vampire father was. Uncharacteristically, he grinned in unholy glee, "I have just the human in mind. What else do you want me to do?"

Jasper chuckled, "Oh, that's just the beginning. Wait till you hear the rest. We're totally going to have Bella believing that you two have done the deed. And she'll return from the honeymoon a very pleasured woman. You are going to have to exercise tremendous self control to make this plan work though, Edward. Now listen up, this is what I have in mind. Carlisle and Emmett you both have a part to play in this, too."

Emmett looked wary for a moment, "Uh, Jasper, I know you're not trying to convince me to slip in the dark of the night in the room and convince Bella that I'm Edward and carry out the plan in his place. I mean, first we don't have the same build, and second, Rose would kill me."

Both Jasper and Carlisle cuffed Emmett at the same time.

"What? I'm just saying? Oh, are you going to do that part, Jasper? Alice would see that and you'd be busted not to mention you just might really kill Bella with all that power, and your track record. No, wait. Carlisle you dirty dog you, I didn't know you had it in you."

Edward gritted, "No one is touching my wife but me."

At his brother's nod, Jasper sent out a wave of calm to the room. "Relax Edward, he's jesting. No one other than you will be touching Bella. She's not even going to know we're going to be there."

"You're coming along on my honeymoon?" Edward was aghast.

Firmly, Jasper insisted, "Edward, you need all of us there in order for this plan to work. Let me explain the details to you. And before you ask, no, Bella will not know we are present. You need to focus on her needs and keeping her alive, remember?"

"So what happens," Edward asked in a small voice, "when we finally do . . .ahem . . . I mean . . . she will know that I lied." And then I will really be in trouble, Edward did not have to add. All the men sobered.

Carlisle said, "Actually she will not. I have done a pelvic examination on Bella. Her hymen will not be a problem. She will think that it's ordinary to feel sore."

His initial misgivings calmed, Edward listened in amazement to the genius of Jasper's plan. This would be like child's play. He could do anything for his Bella. Edward felt confidence of an entirely new kind when they ran back to the mansion. He crawled into bed beside Bella and silently apologized to her. This really was for the best. Someone had to be an adult.

As morning broke, the rays of light filtered through the glass wall of the Cullen mansion lovingly outlining the devastating beauty of Tanya Denali. She lay naked, spent, between Demetri and Felix. Both immortal males had smiles plastered across their faces. Tanya stretched languidly and decided she felt like a woman reborn. Her sisters Kate and Irina softly inquired at the door if they could enter the room. Tanya and her sisters had been naked so often with so many men that it did not even occur to her to deny them entrance. Felix and Demetri suddenly appeared hopeful. Clearly they thought this was going to become a larger party.

Fully clothed Irina and Kate had a package in their hands and both were grinning. They focused on their sister. Irina thought that if those two perverts did not wipe the over-confident grins off their faces she just might have to teach them some respect. Her sister's taste in men these days . . . Irina would have to have a serious chat with Tanya. Felix and Demetri had been with the Volturi long enough to know what had happened with their late mother, but had not even been turned at the time of her execution. So in Tanya's mind, they must be fair game. Irina was not amused.

Kate noted all the odd looks everyone used and decided to get this over with, because she really did not want to stay around the Volturi guard any longer than necessary.

"Sister dearest, you'll never guess what arrived for you this morning."

"A gift from another admirer?" Tanya yawned. She received them every day. She couldn't imagine why Irina and Kate were so excited.

"It is not an ordinary gift, and the source will fascinate you," Irina sighed. This captured Tanya's attention because Irina was notoriously difficult to impress.

Irina handed the package reverently to Tanya and cautioned her, "Be very careful."

Curious, Tanya gingerly unfurled the tissue paper that concealed the contents of the box. She inhaled a breath in wonder as she gazed upon the painting before her. It was a lost piece done centuries ago by Botticelli of her, Kate, and Irina. She had been looking for it for countless decades. There was a card attached. Kate smirked as Tanya opened the note. In immaculate script it read:

_Dear Tanya, Irina, and Kate,_

_Thank you for understanding how important you and your sisters are to our family. And thank you for being a part of the most important day in our life as we celebrate our love._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward and Bella_

Tanya couldn't help but smile in amazement. Demetri and Felix both gaped.

"Do you have any idea what that painting is worth?" Demetri breathed as he gazed upon the canvas with adoration only an Italian can show to the work of the masters.

"Yes, dearest, I believe I do." Tanya answered as she caressed the painting like a lover. She grinned at her sisters. This almost made up for last night. Almost. Not that she had not done adequate damage repair. And she definitely needed to attend to that hunky Ukrainian. He had called ten times. In one hour. Tanya liked ambitious men. She might allow him to take her out tomorrow night.

She listened to make sure that Edward was not in the house lurking nearby before she considered the implications of the gift. _'That devious bastard knows he offended me last night, so he finds the one material thing that I have been looking for desperately and makes it appear overnight. I will accept the gift, but if he thinks this is over, then he is more of an idiot than I thought.'_

Tanya held her hand out imperiously, and Kate immediately gave her a cell phone. Even if Bella had been in the house, Tanya would not have paid her a personal visit. Bella would have to come to her. It made complete sense in Tanya-logic that she would have to call the quiet girl and insist while being a good sport, that Bella must come see her. Status mattered. What was that phrase, something about old age and treachery will always overcome youth and inexperience, she inwardly chortled while hearing the phone ring. To her surprise, Bella answered immediately.

"Bella!" Tanya crooned in dulcet tones, "Congratulations on your victory! We must meet as soon as possible today. I cannot wait to give you your advanced tutorial." Tanya was dying to get this over with as soon as inhumanely possible.

"I'm in the Park about an hour away." Bella did not offer details of what she was doing that far away, and quite honestly, Tanya never bothered to ask. It wasn't like she was feeding off some animal which was the only reason Tanya herself ever set foot inside a wooded area.

"Let's all go to Port Angeles at noon. That way we can have plenty of time to have girl talk in privacy."

Bella rang off, "Fine. See you then."

What a talkative woman, Tanya sniffed.

After arranging a time and meeting place, Tanya asked Demetri and Felix to make sure that Edward was otherwise occupied while she met with Bella. If she couldn't have Edward screaming in her bed, she was damn well going to make sure that Bella could get in a few licks in her name. Besides, she hoped that Bella would make Edward so aroused with vampiric lust that he would lose control. Either way was fine with Tanya. She'd have to start with the simple things first. She didn't think Bella could handle anything elaborate, which was unfortunate, because Edward Cullen struck her as a man most in dire need of a well executed blow job. Or two. This was, Tanya felt sure, going to be the shortest marriage in the immortal world. Humans never lasted. She should know.

She walked through the mossy trees, thinking of times past. The confrontation with Tanya had felt to Bella as if it were an out-of-body experience. Rosalie's Bella had taken over control of her mouth and before her better judgment had kicked in, she had issued her challenge. It had taken all Bella's self control to maintain her aura of confidence when Tanya gleefully accepted the wager.

At the time, the only thing Bella had going for her was the knowledge that if Edward could consistently refuse to have sex with her his singer for all that time, one night with Tanya shouldn't be too hard on the man. Right? Rosalie, Alice, and Esme had all regaled her with tales of Tanya's past antics and Edward's rebuff of her multiple advances. She had to bet with established history. And she had to pray that Edward didn't find out about the bet until after her change. He would so pay her back.

Alice had texted her later that night indicating that Bella would be receiving a private tutorial from Tanya. When she had read the news that morning after turning on her phone, Bella had literally silently squealed with joy. She should be nice to Tanya. Bella understood from personal experience how frustrating it felt to be rejected multiple times by Edward Cullen. She almost felt like the two of them had a bond.

Bella arrived early for her meeting with Tanya. Where, she mused, did one meet to have a blunt discussion about sex with one's husband in the tiny town of Forks? Apparently, Tanya was the very image of discretion as she had arranged a private lunch to be served in a penthouse suite of a hotel in Port Angeles. Bella tried not to look nervous. She thanked God that Rosalie would be coming with her. She needed to channel her inner Rose to get through this experience without dying of embarrassment. And a few phone calls by Alice had made sure that no vampires were in the vicinity of the meeting room to over hear.

Tanya, as usual, appeared the very image of vampiric perfection. Her sisters only served to flatter her beauty as they sat sweetly staring at Bella as she ate her lunch. Bella tried not to show how self conscious she felt as the Alaskan vampires pretended not to stare at every mouthful she ate. _'Great,'_ Bella grumbled, _'now one of the sisterhood of the traveling underpants is going to imply that I'm fat or eating too much. And that will go over like a lead balloon.'_

"Dear, you might want to slow down on that dessert if you want to fit into your wedding gown." Tanya cooed.

Predictable, Bella decided. She could easily see how Edward had escaped from Tanya's clutches all these years.

"No worries, Tanya, the gown's fine. Alice predicted the size it would need to be." Bella returned quickly. "I have it on good authority that Edward loves my curves." Bella glanced at Tanya's willowy frame. And smiled. Brightly.

Rosalie smirked. At vampire pitch she hissed to Tanya, "We have worked very hard to keep her healthy. She has been ill and is only now close to the weight she should be. Do not say another word to her about eating or we will have a problem."

Tanya glared. She was a professional.

Bella decided maybe this tutorial would be fun after all.

"So Bella, before I instruct you for your lesson, I'm afraid I need to ask some questions that you might consider rather personal." Tanya began carefully.

"I'm a virgin. Edward has been a perfect gentleman." Bella sighed mournfully and blushed.

"So he's…?" Kate stopped suggestively. She couldn't believe the man hadn't tried well anything. After all, Bella was his singer.

"Given me smoking hot kisses, painfully aroused me with his ever so proper caresses that rarely go below the shoulder, and basically left me sexually frustrated for what feels like forever. Tanya, I'm begging you, woman to woman. You know what being rejected by him feels like. I want to make him beg." Bella blurted.

Tanya raised an eyebrow and laughed in amusement. Bella did have a point. She really did understand. She couldn't believe he hadn't touched the girl. The man must be ready to explode. She developed a newfound respect for his sense of self-control.

"Oh Bella, by the time I'm done with you, Edward will be putty in your hands."

Both Irina and Kate leaned forward and said, "True," at the same time.

"Between us." Irina waved, "we have 6,000 years of experience pleasuring men. You're in the best hands on the planet my dear girl."

"Yes, we will _all_ help you with Edward," Kate promised and stressed the "all" just enough that a vampire could tell the difference. Tanya had better take this seriously because she certainly did.

Tanya then decided it was time to begin the lesson. "Now let's start with the basics shall we? Have you ever given a blow job?"

Bella blushed scarlet lowered her eyes and wordlessly shook her head from left to right.

Rosalie smirked and said, "My brother would never permit that without marriage."

At vampire pitch she sweetly ordered the Denali Sisters, "Do not make her feel ashamed for being a virgin. She's very shy, and this talk is hard on her." They could all hear her accelerated heart.

"No? Hmmmm. That's alright." Tanya was the epitome of professionalism. "Ok, let's back up. Have you ever given a hand job?"

Bella continued to blush and again shook her head, 'no.'

"No?" Tanya looked at Bella sympathetically and said, "Not even with your other boyfriends?"

"I never dated anyone before Edward."

Tanya said kindly, "You don't have to date someone to have sex with him Bella," and smiled.

"Tanya, I've never touched . . . anyone." Bella was mortified.

This fascinated Tanya. She had not been around anyone this innocent in centuries. She would have to rethink her lesson plan.

"Have you seen him naked?"

Bella shook her head, 'no' and looked like she was going to stroke out at any moment her face was so red.

"Shirtless?"

Bella shrugged.

Rosalie said, "Edward does not disrobe in front of anyone in the family. Ever."

Tanya thought that Edward set new records for sexual repression.

"Bella have you ever seen a penis?"

Bella looked like she was going to faint. Then she did.

"No?" Tanya tsked kindly watching as Rosalie and Irina caught her. Tanya reached for a pitcher of freshly-squeezed orange-juice and personally poured a glass for Bella. The poor child. Edward really would kill her.

It did not take long to wake the little human up. Tanya handed her the glass, and admired how quickly the girl regained her composure.

She turned to her sisters and said, "Clear our schedule for the rest of the day; this is going to take a while. Lesson number one Bella, involves touching him. It's the first part of seduction. But it must be done correctly. Here's what you need to know. I'm going to give you a homework assignment."

"Tanya, he refuses to have sex before the wedding. I don't know that I can do a homework assignment."

"Oh Bella," Tanya cooed, "You have to crawl before you can walk. Baby steps, remember? We're going to have you do an exercise and we'll keep it within the boundaries of the physical barriers that he's been using. It will still work. Trust me."

Bella in hindsight was amazed at how patient Tanya and her sisters were. Their professionalism impressed even Rosalie. They answered all Bella's questions. Unsolicited, they gave the shy woman tips on how to enhance her own as well as Edward's experience. They even told her what sex between vampires and humans was like. Well, some of it. They left out the accidental and not-so-accidental deaths.

Tanya had entered the meeting expecting to have to fight like hell to pretend to be polite to Bella Swan. She had to admit to herself begrudgingly there was something about the girl that made her want to be protective of her. Perhaps it was the charming blushing the child did when candidly revealing the depths of her inexperience. Tanya gave Bella credit for bravery for merely sitting in their presence, knowing full well what they were, and not screaming.

Irina decided that Edward's fiancée was a perfect fit for him. She had excellent manners, seemed quite intelligent, and did not shy away from confronting Tanya of all the scary creatures in the immortal world. That required courage.

Kate thanked goodness that this session had ended. She really wanted to get away from all those Volturi guards and planned on persuading Tanya of that the second they were alone. Perhaps her sister would consider taking a vacation until the wedding?

Against her better judgment, Tanya actually liked Bella Swan. Mind you, she still planned on getting her back at the nearest opportunity – and Edward as well. Tanya couldn't help but feel as the lesson ended almost protective of the dear little brave one.

Although that protectiveness did not stop her from discreetly attaching her superglue coated pasty from last night squarely in the lower portion of Bella's left buttock where Tanya knew Edward would immediately see it and Rosalie's back was turned and she was far enough away chatting with Irina not to smell anything. Edward was, after all, an ass man. And Tanya smirked at the mental image of him trying to secretly remove it from Bella's hindquarters without getting caught. Tanya laughed as she realized she was just getting started with Bella and Edward Cullen.

While Tanya planned Bella's untimely social demise, a cheery Edward went in to the store owned by the Newtons. Bella could not grasp why Edward loathed Newton as much as he did, and Edward did not plan to explain to her his reasons. Newton spent every spare second obsessing about Bella in such lurid detail; it was all Edward could do to not drain him dry, or snap bones. As he approached Newton's store, Edward heard Mike's thoughts which alternated between disturbing visions of Bella, memories from last night, and moaning about his hangover. What made it all the more revolting to Edward was that Mike did not seem, by his twisted mind, to believe himself to be in love with Bella. He viewed her as a friend. And fantasized about her like a fiend. Which was all kinds of wrong.

Head grasped in his hands at the register, Mike consoled himself by imagining Bella in those black pants she wore sometimes bending over, the tight fabric showing off that perfect ass that he just want to grab with each hand. Newton jumped with a guilty expression as he saw an immaculate Edward Cullen suddenly standing in front of him. He immediately fantasized about Tanya instead. And her sisters.

Edward's presence provoked a mental rant from Newton, "_Gah! How does he just appear like that in front of you without a noise? Creeps me the hell out. Did that guy ever have a bad hair day? Life just wasn't fair. He gets Bella, Bella's ass—Bella's glorious tits—fuck it he gets Bella and perfect hair and all the girls still want to do him."_

Edward chuckled as he saw Mike's green face.

"Mike," he hailed him with a wave, "how is that hangover?"

'_Who waves like that?'_ Newton moaned, "I'm not afraid that I'm going to die. I'm afraid I will live. My stomach is killing me. I keep puking."

"Why are you not sleeping it off?" Edward asked, trying to think of reasons to converse with Newton.

Why, today of all days, did Edward Cullen decide to forget he was shy and speak? Life was cruel.

"Man, it is just so wrong that Mom dragged me out of bed this morning by pouring a bucket of ice water on me. I keep throwing up, and she made my favorite breakfast of French toast."

"Mothers can be vicious."

"Dude, she laughed when I ran out of the room to hurl."

From outside the building, Jasper said from the front seat of the idling car, "Edward, stop wasting time. I have a perfect view. Proceed."

Speaking of whining, Mike thought back to the conversation he had just had with Jessica.

"Hey Cullen, did you hear the news?" Mike seemed to perk up.

At Edward's raised brow, Mike dished the latest piece of gossip he had heard from Jessica. Dang! He was turning into a girl.

"Lauren paid the stripper service $10,000 to replace the original stripper that was hired for your party."

"We discussed that last night, Mike."

"Oh, yeah, but that's not the interesting part."

Jasper said, "You are wasting time dithering with the human."

"I want to hear what the interesting part is," Edward explained at vampire pitch around a frozen smile.

"Man, she was planning on having pictures taken of the two of you and plastering them all over town this week. You got off easy last night." Mike positively crowed. "And don't get me wrong, Lauren is hot and all, but Tanya. Whoa."

"So how was she going to get pictures of me?" Edward asked.

"That's the funny part, she asked two guys from our class to crash the party, Angus and Brad. The two of them were found this morning in their underwear in an alley downtown. They had been mugged and didn't remember a thing."

Edward was going to have to buy Alice something fabulous.

"That must have been why my Father was called to the hospital this morning. I hope they are going to be ok." Edward replied.

Mike thought, _'This guy is too good to be true. He's got Lauren and Tanya stripping for him. And he gets Bella. Freak.'_

"You want to know the strangest part?" Mike asked, "Lauren left a note to her parents last night that she had met this really rich guy from South America who promised to marry her and she was leaving for good. And Tyler doesn't seem to be all that upset about it. Go figure. He's now off the hook for cheating on her, the lucky bastard."

Edward's lips twitched as he asked Mike, "I'm here to pick up some new sleeping bags. My family and I are going to be camping in a few weeks and I wanted your opinion on the best one for cold weather."

Mike couldn't understand why Cullen was bothering him for help. Their family had spent so much time in this store in the years they had lived here that Mike figured Edward knew the inventory better than he did. _'There went that lip twitching thing again, maybe Edward wasn't so perfect after all,'_ Mike internally laughed.

At the word "sleeping" Mike's thoughts immediately went to Bella. He now had a raging erection and didn't want to come out from behind the counter. Mike picked up the morning paper and tried to hold it discreetly like he was looking at it while he approached Cullen.

He walked out from behind the counter and turned to point to the shelf holding the array of sleeping bags. Mike tried not to think too hard about their upcoming wedding, since Bella starred in his own personal nightly performances in his mind every night. And the Bella of his fantasies liked Mike just fine. He was a sex god as he imagined her dainty pocket Venus figure. . .

That was the last thing he remembered. He woke up in the hospital eight hours later with his anxious mother and Dr. Cullen standing by his side. Mike tried not to panic when he had four more spells like that out of the blue. All that he knew is that he was fantasizing about Bella (which he did all the time) when the lights went out. It was kind of creepy to wake up hours later and not have any idea of what happened.

Mike discovered it was even more embarrassing to be found unconscious by your parents with a raging erection not once but five times during the course of a single week. The last time was the worst by far. Not only were his parents present but his elderly grandmother was standing over him. He wanted to die as he heard Grandma Newton tell him that as soon as he felt better she was going to drag him to the family minister to have a chat about his deviant thoughts. She also muttered something about him going blind. She stared at the large stain on the front of his pants and sniffed delicately. He didn't mind getting the extra rest, but he wanted to make sure he didn't miss Bella's wedding. After all, that's what friends were for.

**Please review. Edward is blinking at you haplessly.**

References:

Reading about a hymenotomy was interesting: http:/en (dot) academic (dot) ru/dic (dot) nsf/enwiki/234428

http:/healthguide (dot) howstuffworks (dot) com/hymen-dictionary1 (dot) htm

This is more Latin in one page than I've seen in years. But still:

http:/www (dot) doctorslounge (dot) com/gynecology/diseases/imperforate_hymen (dot) htm

AN: From what my research has said, hymens come in all shapes and sizes and can be broken in multiple ways prior to vaginal intercourse. What Carlisle was oh so tactfully trying to inform his doctor-twice-over son without going into the gritty details before Jasper and Emmett, is that Bella does not have an intact hymen that will inhibit sexual pleasure when they (meaning Edward and Bella) do decide to engage in the deed. For plot purposes, I want to emphasize that in this story, Bella has not had sex with anyone else (including Edward) which would explain that whole 'oops lost my hymen' issue. I wanted to (pun not intended but I'll go there anyway) cover a plot hole of "so what would happen when they first have sex – didn't Jasper All-Mighty Tactician On High think of that? Huh? Yes. He did. With some discreet help from Daddy-pus Carlisle. I know, I know. I'm sick. Depraved. So you can either imagine (I'll leave this up to the reader) that Bella was born without one, or that Carlisle upon Bella's request performed a hymenotomy. Either one works for me. Bella's not telling. She's too busy dying of embarrassment in a corner.

**Snarky Summary: So the Sex-Summit of the Ages-in-more-ways-than one transpired without death or destruction. But lots of blushing. CC Tanya is shocked. Nay, stunned to have met a live human virgin. Who does not want to have sex with her. Another one. What is in the water/blood at Forks? **

**The Denali Sisters are for the record still totally pissed off because the Volturi executed their Momma. Ok. Fine. So she bit a toddler and made him into an immortal child and it went and ransacked a town because it missed it's two o'clock blood bottle. Sue them. They're **_**still**_** pissed. So while they are happy that they, too, weren't killed (They were totally out of town on a shopping trip in Venice. *blinks*), they stay the heck away and don't really want to hear any of the deets about the Volturi and anyone who knows (and I mean that in the Biblical sense, too) any of the sisters (and lots do) understands that it's immediate end-of-sex-intercourse-it is **_**infinito**_** if you mention the Volturi around any of the smoking hot Denali Sisters. So while Edward and his brothers and Father do a plotting, Bella has her Vamp-Human Sex Ed 101 for Clueless Virgins tutorial by all three Denali Sisters in an epic batch of Girl-on-girl action. Rosalie was there, too. And she did more than watch JSYK. And Tanya gave a homework assignment. Wonder what's up with that? Oh, yeah, and she totally groped Bella's ass. She couldn't help herself. Bella has such cute little apple-cheeks they deserved a bit of Denali appreciation. *blinks***

**CC Edward wants you to know that Michael Newton is a complete pervert. He should know. Edward enjoys practicing the Vulcan Pinch Move of UnDeath on Mike. And he would like you to know that Mike never saw him coming, no bodily fluids were exchanged (not that there's anything wrong with that, and Edward was in no way aroused (not that there's anything wrong with that, either. – For the sake of satire, I am paying homage to Dave Barry's "The Guy Test" with those lines ****http:/www (dot) cartalk (dot) com/content/features/hell/Bestof/guy (dot) html****). Because he understands what it is like to be oppressed, CC Edward, his family, and the Denali Sisters all donate to GLAAD ****http:/www (dot) glaad (dot) org/****. Although Edward's not sure what they have to do with that company that makes plastic products. Aside from his general dislike of humans due to that whole smelling good, making his mouth water, and requiring conversation problem, he does not tolerate bigotry of any kind. Loathing Mike Newton does not count because he is annoyingly straight and decidedly in possession of a teensy-weensy one-track mind when it comes to Bella. **


	6. Hmwrk was never supposed to be this fun

**Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this chapter and not murdering me in the process. **

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. So there. **

**Snarky Summary: Tanya gives Bella a hands-on lesson in how to do a blow job and much more tricks in bed with a vamp. Really. Her sisters help. Honest. Edward and Jasper and Carlisle and Emmett have a "how are we going to get out of this jam" session and hammer out a plan. Bella gets a homework assignment. Tanya totally thinks Bella has a fine ass. So fine that she decides that her jeans would be just perfect if they were complimented by having the honor of wearing Tanya's sparkly pasty on Bella's left butt cheek. CC Tanya wants you to know that Genghis Khan begged for years and never got closer than that so CC Bella should be honored that she was discreetly groped. Really. Tanya has discriminating taste. *blinks* Oh yeah, she and her sisters are still all kinds of irritated about Mommy getting sliced and diced into vampsalsa by the Volturi over a teensy misunderstanding involving a wandering immortal child. Mike Newton has the pleasure of waking up in the hospital due to repeated fainting at the sight of Edward. As our story continues, we find ourselves gazing down upon the beauty of Bella as she thinks about her sex therapy, I mean sex education. Being a virgin is not a crime. Unless you are CC Edward and Tanya is the judge. **

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Four: Homework Was Never Supposed To Be This Much Fun**

As she opened the door to her Dad's pantry and stared at the pasta peeking up at the kidney bean cans on the almost empty shelves, Bella gulped. Her Dad had virtually no food, but six jars of salsa and three bags of Doritos sitting by a full assortment of every spice a cook could ever want. Most of the bottles had never even been opened. Bella leaned her forehead against the wood of the pantry door and tried to concentrate. The spice bottles reminded her of how she had, while cleaning out her room upstairs, stumbled upon a card she had written to a long deceased relative.

With the purest of intentions, it had been sealed and stamped, but had by some quirk of the universe never made it to the postal worker's hands. She had found it wedged between the desk and the wall. Bella had stuffed it into an old plastic milk crate alongside with her battered copy of Wuthering Heights that had sneered down at an impudent volume of Dylan Thomas. She had covered the few books she had left with an old pair of pajamas. As she had wobbled down the staircase, Bella had supported her weight against the wall since both her hands had been filled with the crate. She had two close calls but made it to the bottom in one piece. Edward would have completely freaked out if he had seen Bella doing this. He worried about her abysmal motor coordination skills. What Edward did not know would not hurt him, Bella had decided as she had propped the crate near the front door on her way to the kitchen.

She had so much on her mind lately, like that homework assignment. Just thinking about it made her palms sweat and heart race as she came back to the present staring at the almost deserted shelves in her dad's narrow pantry. She had to reach deep down inside to channel her inner Rosalie voice. Maybe she should stop calling it that. Bella scrunched her nose in concentration. She could not just ape her actions. That would not show fortitude just that she mimicked well. Behaving with self-assurance, Alice and Rosalie had insisted, embodied the "Cullen Way." So her new voice of confidence became her Bella Cullen voice.

She didn't like the idea of the wedding ceremony and having all those people staring at her tripping down the aisle and taking guests with her to the ground as she landed. Bella had a mental image of petals from the bridal bouquet spraying the startled guests, possibly taking out someone's hat and her wedding dress tearing on a chair as she sailed to the plush blue carpet of Reverend Weber's aisle with Charlie gawping helplessly… With her luck, she'd land on an ancient guest - a mortal, delicate, elderly one. Firmly, Bella banished the wedding-from-Hell vision. She liked the sound of the Bella Cullen name in her mind.

Bella smiled and glanced down at her ring and remembered the night he proposed. She'd never admit this to Edward, but she was gradually coming around to the idea of being married. She could not tell him because if she said her hopes out loud it would jinx them. Death, and his twin, Destruction, would hone in with their unerring accuracy. Something bad would happen and they'd leave again without a word. At least that's what they did sometimes in her nightmares.

So she never let anyone catch her studying the ring unless she knew she was alone. With the way her life had been going lately, that meant the only time she really had privacy occurred when she stood in the bathroom. Currently, the Cullen mansion was stuffed with immortals. And everywhere she went in town had them standing about in plain sight, posing as guests for the upcoming wedding – which they in fact were – but it was still all kinds of odd to see Forks packed with that many vampires. Like something out of a dream.

She had one particularly vivid one where she woke up on her wedding day and went to Alice's room to get ready. She felt so joyful in the dream that her day had arrived and she actually wanted to go through with the ceremony. In her nightmare, she waited for the Cullens to return and tried not to become concerned when her calls to their cell phones went unanswered. In her nightmare, she giggled thinking it funny that the supremely organized Cullens would arrive late to a social event that they had meticulously planned while she, Bella Swan, would actually be prepared. The nightmare always ended the same way. Bella called every immortal she knew one by one. No one answered. She sat in an empty house staring at a locket until a mournful but resigned Charlie and a gleeful Billy came to get her and take her home as she sobbed.

They all had left without a word, without a note, without an explanation. She hated that dream. She particularly hated the look of disbelief on her face that served as a counterpoint to the "I told you so" stone-like face of Billy Black. They carried her struggling out of the house still wearing her wedding gown, something borrowed (a lace handkerchief from Esme), and something blue (A hair pin one of the Volturi wives had given her). In the nightmare she could feel the sense of abandonment as her throat became tight and she screamed at the sight of a black spider crawling across the floor at her. She always woke up from the one with aching shoulders. Unfortunately, she had a variety of phantoms keeping her company at night perched on her headboard like faithful gargoyles: Volturi machinations, Victoria, being chased alone in the woods, and of course James and Phoenix. It had reached the point where she feared falling asleep. Bella tried not to think about what Edward most likely heard when she sleep-talked. She had not asked and he had been kind enough not to tell. Waking up alone only made it worse.

She suspected she was being irrational. But Bella did not really believe in talking. Saying it out loud made her fear real. Possible. She knew if she told Edward about her nightmares he would simply add more self-loathing to his already wealthy supply. This meant she had to work through this on her own like she always did.

She moved a dusty bottle of spaghetti sauce aside and organized the few canned vegetables by type. Once she finished arranging the pantry, she shut the door and wrote up a list. Bella decided the nightmares would stop once the wedding occurred. So she clutched the ember of her hope to her heart silently, guarded it fiercely, surprised with each day that passed that she was actually going to be married. She walked to her Dad's leather sofa, dropped the list on the cluttered coffee table, and took a seat. Her thoughts returned to her session with Tanya.

"Bella, my love," Tanya had purred, "Men are really very simple creatures. Lesson number one is that they are highly visual beings. All men. And the innocent things that you do turn them on because they are always thinking about sex. Edward is always thinking that he should _not_ be thinking about sex. When you bite your lower lip, for example, that is guaranteed to drive him wild."

"Really? I just do that when I'm nervous or concentrating."

"No, Bella, she's right," Rosalie agreed, "We have better senses than you do. Trust me when I say that when you bite your lip like that you have my brother's undivided attention. Edward's eyes darken. He totally loves it when you do that."

Bella flushed to the roots of her hair. At this rate, she predicted she would die of mortification before this hour ended.

"It doesn't matter, Rose," Bella grumbled.

"Bella my dear," Tanya said in a gentle tone. "You are forgetting something important."

"And what might that be, Tanya?" Bella glumly asked. She hated admitting weakness before Tanya, hated even more that she sounded whiny. But she knew until she came clean that she wouldn't learn anything helpful. And the Denali sisters didn't live with them so it wasn't like she would be spending every day with Tanya afterwards.

Tanya was beginning to get an idea of how desperate Bella felt. She could smell the panic coming from the poor child. Her normally reticent sister stepped in to add her advice.

"Bella dear. You're a virgin." Irina stated. She shared a sympathetic glance with Kate. Both sisters felt for the human girl.

"Unfortunately. What does that have to do with anything?" Bella asked. "I know I have a lot to learn."

"I need to remind you of a key bit of power you hold over Edward right now," Tanya instructed. "You're untouched. Pure. He is willing to abstain from sex in order to show you just how much he cherishes your virtue."

"I don't get him sometimes," Bella said.

"Why?" Rosalie asked, quietly agreeing that her brother was a cipher. Especially lately.

"Well, he's from a time where women could not vote. Yet he never talks down to you or Esme or Alice like their opinion is not important."

"That would require him to speak." Rosalie teased.

"You know what I mean. He treats you like equals."

"That is only because we've browbeaten him into submission," His sister acidly observed.

"You cannot browbeat Edward, I think." Irina observed. "He may be quiet. But we all know how stubborn he is. I have always found him to be respectful, especially when people did not deserve it." She glanced at her sister frostily for an immortal second.

"Where do you find the contrast, Bella?" Kate inquired.

"Well, he treats them, and me, like equals. But when it comes to sex, I don't get a vote. He is insisting that he is a product of his time."

Rosalie said, "Men of his era were encouraged to think of women as angels that were morally superior."

Bella's face fell. "He must think I'm a slut, then."

Tanya felt the need to save her pride and bolster Bella's esteem at the same time.

"Bella, by virtue of his time period, Edward should not even speak to me, Irina, or Kate. We're women who have slept with men outside of the bonds of marriage and made no secret of it. Yet he has always been the perfect gentleman not only because he has impeccable manners, but because he is also intelligent enough to be evolved. I do not believe that his mind can bend when it comes to premarital sex with you because he probably has stayed chaste so long by NOT thinking about it. I highly doubt he thinks you are a slut."

"I agree," Kate and Irina said at once.

"Men like Edward would not marry someone that they looked down on, Bella. I can't believe you've been thinking this way." Rosalie hugged her.

"Take it from me, Bella. The man has got it bad. He can't touch you because he's made his own complicated set of rules that will not permit it. At the same time, he is desperate to touch you and release the tension that's been building between the two of you. He wants to be the first and only man to claim you. He has held onto his virtue handily for eighty-eight years. But those same rules are driving the man insane. When that man explodes, mmm mmm mmm."

Tanya did not bother to hide her envy as she licked her lips and grinned wickedly. "So you have to be very careful with him. He's like a keg of dynamite. We're going to aim for a controlled explosion. We want him to gradually come around to the idea. You do not want to spook him. Most importantly, he has to believe that it's his idea. The poor man clearly has control issues. You can play him like an instrument once you understand that."

Tanya got smarter every minute, Bella decided. The woman was a genius. Where was Tanya when she tried to seduce him a few weeks ago? Jeez!

As they saw the dawning comprehension on her face, the Denali sisters smiled. Irina, Kate, and Tanya laughed merrily at the girl who couldn't help but charm them. Tanya hadn't met a mortal with a genuine sense of shame in centuries. Bella possessed this artless quality - no wonder the man acted so smitten. Maybe she needed to seduce a few human virgins when she returned to Alaska. Irina notoriously did not like anyone save family, and Bella had conquered her within five minutes of their session. Kate would fall next. With a mental shake Tanya returned back to the lesson of the day.

Her cell phone chirped and she turned it off. Eleazar and Carmen both had been trying to get her alone ever since she had come into town. Tanya knew they probably planned on lecturing her about how she had to be nice to Bella and Edward and really, she did not have time for it. The past few months had been so hard with all the remodeling of their houses. Emotionally exhausted from being responsible, Tanya decided she had earned her playtime.

Kate nudged her for being silent for too long. "Say something," she instructed at vampire pitch.

"Exactly, my dear, and I think part of what makes you so fascinating to Edward is that you are the only mind he has ever encountered that he cannot read. So when you bite your lip, you remind him that you are untouchable. Forbidden. We're going to do a homework assignment that combines the visual with another sense. Touch."

"I am rarely alone with him lately. And Alice has me running around doing wedding errands like a headless chicken. We have so many guests now at the mansion, I don't know if I can even get him alone to do homework," Bella cautioned.

"Relax, Bella, we have that covered," Irina laughed.

"What do you want me to do?" Bella asked with an audible swallow. The sisters had piqued her curiosity.

"That's simple; you're going to go shopping with Edward," Tanya chirped.

"Um, Tanya, no offense, I know you all are the sexual experts here. First, I detest shopping, and second, Edward knows it. He would never believe I wanted to go shopping, much less take him with me. He would smell a plot," Bella warily answered.

"Not if you ask him to accompany you to the store for human food. Don't they call it grocery shopping? You do that all the time because you cook for your human father, don't you?"

"Well, I used to. I haven't for a while," Bella admitted. Charlie had not complained.

"There, perfect excuse. With the wedding coming up, it would make sense you would want to treat your father before you leave his household," Kate insisted.

Rosalie agreed and spoke before Bella could answer. "Charlie would love it. Edward would totally agree."

Irina wanted to encourage Bella.

"Edward would seek any opportunity to spend time with you right now if you asked. He's so proud right now he all but glows."

She recalled his face at the club the night before when people had congratulated him on his upcoming nuptials. Irina was all kinds of curious to see Edward in the same room interacting with Bella.

Tanya gave a satisfied smirk because she never took defeat lying down – even if it involved a mere wager. She was determined to help Bella seduce Edward.

Bella smiled wistfully at the Denali sisters' comments before her face morphed into a worried expression.

"So wait a minute, let me see if I have this right. You want me to do sexual exercises with Edward while shopping? My Dad is the Chief of Police. It would look bad if I get arrested." Bella sounded incredulous. And scandalized.

"We're aiming for subtlety here, Bella, none of your laws will be broken and you will not be behaving in a way that would draw negative attention. You're simply going to do some innocent touching," Kate soothed.

"But that's in public!" Bella gasped.

"Yes, we know," Kate laughed. That is why it will be so effective."

"That is where the sense of touch comes in," Tanya assured her smoothly. "You are simply going to have to be a good actress. Do you think you can do that, my dear?"

"I'll try," Bella whispered.

Irina interrupted Tanya, "Let me explain to you about the touching element. Men love to be touched. They particularly love to be touched in public by their woman. It shows ownership. We're going to have you touch Edward. But you're going to do it in a new way."

"Edward does not really touch me much. That's why this won't work," Bella admitted.

"So tell me about the way he touches you." Kate asked.

"He holds me at night when I sleep," Bella quietly noted.

"Really?" Tanya found that morbidly fascinating. How did he not drink from her? In his place, Tanya would not have lasted a second without draining a singer, diet be damned.

"But does he not touch you in front of others?" Kate asked.

"Well he puts his arm across the small of my back to lead me places. He catches me when I fall – and I do that a lot – not on purpose, though." Bella glanced away and lowered her voice. "He likes playing with my hair and holding hands." The girl seemed sad to Irina.

"Yes." Tanya rolled her eyes. "But we're not in grammar school any more. It's time for you to take things to the next level without being too obvious about it. Edward won't be able to get his back up and enforce his boundaries because you're not going to be breaking them, but you are going to drive him wild."

"How?"

"The idea is to touch him but appear like there's nothing deliberate about it. Then you're going to touch something at the store. He'll be completely focused on you. And you need to ignore him." She laughed delightedly.

Rosalie said, "Bella, it also could be that Edward is mentally acting like he saw his parents as the wedding approaches. He is acting out in his mind how a husband should behave towards his wife. Men from Edward's time were very careful about how they touched women in public."

"Emmett touches you." Bella observed.

"Yes, honey, but Emmett does not play by the rules all the time. Look how Jasper is with Alice." Now that she pondered it, Bella could not think of a single time she had seen that couple hold hands.

"The best part about this, Bella, is that he'll never expect it." Kate sounded excited as she attempted to steer Bella back on track. "I would not in a thousand years peg you as an exhibitionist and Edward would never suspect you of behaving inappropriately in a store."

"Besides," Rosalie said, "The story of his bachelor party has already spread through Forks. Edward is going to be freaking out trying to figure out how to tell you about Tanya showing up and stripping. His mind is going to be quite occupied."

"True. I was quite naughty last night," Tanya continued. "The key to this plan is that you are going to start with what he sees, and then you are going to move to touch, and sound. You must start things off on a mundane level - so that he gives it a sexual interpretation, but doesn't think that you meant it in that way."

Bella looked confused. "I understand about the sight element. You're clearly going to have me move in a way that gets his attention right? Because dressing seductively would be too obvious and Edward would immediately become suspicious."

"Excellent, Bella. Keep going," Kate encouraged her.

"I think I understand the touch part as well. You are going to have me brush against him without seeming like I meant anything by it. It's the sound part I don't get."

"Oh, we're going to give you a CD of songs that we've burned for you. They're songs to play when having sex, or when thinking about having sex. Think of it as your seduction score. You can put them on in the car on the way to and back from the store."

"I'm sure Edward listens to music like that, but I don't know if he'll listen to it in front of me." Bella looked confused.

"No, my dear, these songs are more subtle. And they're in Italian, or classical instrumentals. Most are songs you would not ordinarily listen to. We're giving you a CD and you will simply play it when he is around and let the music do the rest. You will just tell him when he asks where you got the music that it was a gift from me. When you are in the store you will sound perfectly normal during your homework assignment. His mind will do all the rest of the work."

Bella snorted. She knew how much he squirmed when Tanya's name was mentioned. She was going to have to tread carefully on that subject or he would figure out that she had been the guilty party that had sicced Tanya on him. Bella decided that pretending to be oblivious about the party for now represented the better course of action.

Bella asked timidly, "I do have another concern."

"What?" Rosalie said. "You know you can say anything right? We're not going to judge."

"I don't want to push him too hard. You know Edward and his nature. Right? I need to be careful while doing this. I'm his singer."

"Bella," Tanya took her hand in her own. "That man takes your safety so seriously. I don't think you have any idea of how much he cherishes you. If he thought for a second that he was at risk of hurting you, Edward would leave."

Rosalie blustered, "She meant temporarily until he calmed down."

Tanya nodded because really, that was exactly what she meant to convey. She had no idea why Rosalie looked so panicked. Her cousin continued, "Bella, Tanya ran the plan by me earlier. I would never encourage you to do something that would put you or my brother in danger. And you'll be in a public place, remember? You won't be alone. It's better this way to work toward you goal in steps."

"Ok, I'll bite," Bella sighed in relief. "I'm interested. Tell me specifically what you want me to do." Bella said and squared her shoulders. "I'm totally going to get an A on this assignment."

"We are so glad you said that. We brought props last night. We're going to practice shopping now," Tanya announced happily. Then she pulled something out of a bag that made Bella's eyes widen.

Time with them passed in a blur. Bella peered around the room, realizing how much time had passed. The texture of her Dad's comfy sofa reminded her of the leather chair that she had sat on in the Denali's hotel suite. She went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of iced tea. Bella's mind raced through all the tips that Tanya and her sisters had given her during their eight-hour session. She had not taken notes for fear Edward would discover them and implode. Really, the sisters weren't that scary. They made her so comfortable that she actually felt confident talking about a subject that she adamantly refused to discuss with her own mother.

At the end of the session, she felt so relieved and grateful that she even briefly embraced each one of the sisters as she left. They all hugged her back, to Bella's astonishment. In all honestly, beyond understanding the basic mechanics, prior to meeting Edward, Bella hadn't even been interested in thinking about much less learning about sex.

Once she and Edward became serious and he started making her read all those manuals, it had intimidated her. There was no way she could imagine herself even physically being able to do most of the things the books had suggested. They were all written about vampires for vampires. Wearing her game face, she had tried to avoid the feeling of a sinking heart as she had read the volumes with Edward. They usually had sat there in an uncomfortable silence quietly staring at the pages, and Edward kept everything clinical when he did talk.

Bella wondered if he was having her read the books to discourage her from going through with it on their wedding night. She hoped not. She had experienced enough rejection at his hands for a lifetime.

Bella knew that Edward insisted those boundaries existed simply for her protection. She also recognized that ninety-nine percent of the time she pushed them. In her heart of hearts, she felt such overwhelming passion for Edward that all rational thought went out the door. At his hand, Bella became a creature of passion, driven purely by need. With a single feather-light caress, Edward could bring her to her knees. Bella didn't think he truly understood that, and she did not feel the need to confess that conundrum. She had pride. Some. There also was the glum reason that his touch helped erase the nightmares when he held her at night. They were less likely to happen in her mind.

She knew he blamed her physical response to him on his vampire attractiveness overwhelming her pitiful weak human nature. Bella had never bothered to argue that if that had been true she'd have been chasing after Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper like Pepe Le Pew on crack. Edward failed to understand that it was just HIM that she loved. When he touched her all her nerves started firing at once. She craved that sensation. She needed to feel him against her. And as the days passed, denying herself that closeness became increasingly difficult, and made her feel increasingly needy and clingy. Half the time she imagined herself to be like the dog dry-humping the poor guy's leg. The stupid shiny fiancé had her in the palm of his hand. Turned on with nowhere to put that desire.

Alice had taken her aside a few weeks back while the women were playing chess and had discreetly written her a note asking Bella if she would like to visit a sex toy shop for girls. Bella had fainted. Literally. When she had come to, she had written Alice a note back reminding her that they were never alone. Bella had underlined that last word three times. If Edward had found out, he probably would have died of heart failure if that were possible. They hadn't mentioned it since then. What was the point in buying Bella something she really could never use privately seeing as she was always surrounded by immortal ears? Ew. This wedding couldn't happen soon enough, she vowed. She had needs. Thank God Edward had booked them a private island.

Speaking of needs, Bella drank half her glass of tea and poured the rest down the kitchen sink. She retrieved her cell phone and called Edward. Her heart gave a beat as she heard his baritone voice answer. He had to know what he did to her when he said her name in that tone.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Edward. Where are you?" She stared out the kitchen window at the view of evergreen trees that crowded against each other like small children squirming on a bench at school.

"I was just wondering the same thing about you. You have been gone for ten hours. All Alice would tell me before she left to hunt was that you were taking care of wedding errands. You are not too tired out are you? Have you eaten?"

Edward sounded concerned. He knew she had not slept well last night. He had left her a handwritten note with an iris on her nightstand for her to find when she woke up this morning. It almost took away the sting of waking up alone – which had happened more often lately.

"I had lunch with Rosalie and the Denali sisters in Port Angeles. Your sister just dropped me off at Charlie's place. I planned on cooking his meals for the next week and storing them in his freezer. She's going to go and meet Emmett to do some work on his jeep. I was wondering, since I haven't seen you all day, if you would mind spending time with me at the grocery store while I shop?" Bella tried to sound nonchalant. Edward hated that practice as much as she did.

She dropped the cell phone and yelped as she heard his voice behind her. Edward's arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her gently against his chest.

"I thought you would never ask. I cannot wait to go shopping with you."

He kissed the shell of her ear and caught her falling phone in his right hand. Sneaky vampire. He knew she hated surprises.

Edward noticed that she stiffened in his arms. Briefly, he panicked, and wondered if she had already heard the news. Could Tanya have told her? No, Rosalie would have warned him. Bella took the phone from him and put it in her purse.

"Thanks."

"How was your lunch?" he asked, kissing her neck. Bella mentally laughed because she knew he was trying to distract her and most likely praying to all the saints that she hadn't heard about his party.

"Educational," she whispered as she bent her neck to give him better access. That should give him something to mull over for the next few hours. She sighed. Bella momentarily had no qualms taking advantage of his guilty conscience.

He spent a good while trailing delicate kisses along the side of her neck before gently turning her around and meeting her lips. Bella could not get enough of kissing him. By the sheer amount of passion that he put into his effort, Tanya must have been sensational last night because Edward's behavior reeked of the usual symptoms of guilt.

One, he had that serene demeanor that she associated with trouble. Two, he was being particularly attentive, even more so than usual, to her every word and gesture. Three, his eyes were cautious when they met hers. Four, he sounded just the teensiest bit desperate and apologetic as he whispered her name seductively. Fifth, he was actually touching her more than he had in weeks.

He was going overboard, she decided. So that meant she couldn't bring up the subject of the party so she could reap all the extra rewards of his shame. Bella reminded herself firmly of the Denali sisters' orders as he kissed her senseless. With all her might, she pulled back and acted absentminded, which wasn't that hard to do. Kissing him made her forget things. Like shame.

"We have to go now, Edward." She blinked at him innocently and collected her purse.

"Bella, he's fishing. There's a good chance he might stay gone all weekend. He's done that for the past three weeks." Edward reached for her and kissed her soundly, thanking goodness that he had managed to arrange for Charlie to "win" offers to be taken on fishing expeditions by professionals. Bella stepped away again.

"Dad might not come today, but I need to make meals in advance and freeze most of them so he doesn't starve. It's not fair to have him eat with your parents all the time. I have not cooked for him in ages."

Since his parents had to cough up the food they consumed when pretending to be human for their guest, she was absolutely right. But he definitely wanted to repeat that kiss. He was a desperate man standing before his judge, jury, and executioner.

Bella could tell Edward didn't like being denied. She could not remember the last time she was the first one to pull back from a kiss. Upon further consideration, she could not recall a single instance. He started to bend down to her and she patted his chest, turned, and walked out of the kitchen. Purse in hand, she left him and wandered into the living room and rifled through the stacks of papers on the end tables looking for her list.

Pulled unceremoniously from his daze, Edward watched in confusion as she muttered that she had to find her shopping list while lifting up the stacks of sports sections from four different newspapers.

"Aha! There you are." She pushed aside a small tower of _Field__ and Stream_ editions and discovered the list under a _Sports Illustrated_ stack. "Edward, I've been through his cabinets. He has no food." Bella sounded worried. He could not have that.

"Well then, we will remedy that. So tell me about your morning." He hated to broach the topic. But he needed to ensure that Tanya had behaved herself. Bella put on a short coat. It was new and Edward did not like it because it ended at her waist and offered a splendid view of her legs. She slipped her purse's strap over her neck so it hung across her chest.

They walked to his car. "Well, Rose and I went to see the Denali sisters at their hotel. We hung out for a while."

Edward looked frustrated as she bit her lip while considering about what to tell him. She heard his intake of breath and could read the signs that he was thinking about her in that way. Maybe this homework was going to be fun, after all.

She put the CD that Tanya and her sisters had made for her in the car's stereo and pressed play. The lush sounds of classical music filled the car.

A while? She had been gone ten hours. It had felt like an eternity or two. What could women possibly talk about for that amount of time? He knew Bella probably sat and listened. They had exhausted her. As soon as they arrived home, he was taking her straight to bed. If he had his way, this would be the shortest shopping trip ever. Edward asked, "So what inspired you to play that particular song?"

Bella shrugged and said, "Oh, it's just a mix tape I got from the Denali sisters. I liked the songs on it."

Now the Denali Sisters were giving her gifts. That both scared and encouraged him. He would, of course, have to insist that all future offerings be screened – at least if they came from Tanya. Irina and Kate had sense. But music was harmless. Most of the time. He had to get the song from last night to stop running through his head. Along with the images of Bella dancing for him that he had created.

Edward's fingers gripped tightly on the steering wheel. For a second, Bella feared he might actually break the darn thing. He seemed lost in the music. She was content to watch him. This was going to be too easy.

Edward had felt delighted when Bella had asked him to escort her to the store. She usually preferred to go grocery shopping on her own. The human side of Bella sometimes was a complete mystery to him. He figured he would learn something new about her on this trip to the store to tuck away into his mind. She had not cooked for her father in ages. Not that he would be encouraging her to start today.

It did not take long for Edward to drive them to the Thriftway grocery store. He pulled into a distant spot because cars squatted over almost every space in the modest sized parking lot. He ignored the groups getting out of the SUV's that had parked on either side of them. He vowed that he was going to pretend it was just the two of them and the rest of the world could go jump in a lake. Edward enjoyed walking beside Bella at human speed and holding hands as she gazed at her grocery list. Blue shadows appeared under her eyes. She had not slept well the night before and it showed. Edward was careful to not let his concern show.

As they passed through the sliding glass doors, the aroma of all those human foods slammed into Edward. He gulped and hid his distaste. Human food, well most of it, smelled disgusting. But it was worth it to be around his beloved.

Bella noticed Edward had a panicked look for a second. She knew he hated crowds like she did. Wow, she had never seen that many people in the store. She hoped Edward had fed earlier.

"Are you ok?" She whispered.

"Fine."

Bella halted, "You're sure you want to do this?"

"After you. I insist."

How hard could this be? He had sat through countless human lunches without incident.

My word, he stared around the store in hidden dismay, it seemed like the entire guest list from the bachelor party the night before had simultaneously decided to ruin his life and go marauding through the store. What were the odds? Edward mentally cringed. He had yet to figure out how he was going to explain to his insecure fiancée that the very woman she obsessed about had stripped down to a thong last night and brushed her pasty covered nipples against his cheek in front of most of their friends and family. He was toast. Thank goodness Charlie had not made an appearance at the event. There were merits to being disliked by your future father-in-law. Her father's imaginary reaction to the lurid events of last night aside, Edward fretted, _'There's no way I can explain this without her completely becoming distraught.'_

And he definitely had no intention of telling her about Lauren Mallory. Edward had arranged for the shrew to wake up in a hospital in Seattle believing she had overdosed on drugs. He had pulled strings to make sure she would be in rehab for the next month.

He decided to have Jasper present to calm her when he told her later that evening. While Bella scoured the aisles for the first product on her list, he removed his cell phone discreetly, and at vampire speed texted Jasper. His brother did not answer. He and Alice had gone hunting early this morning. After the events of last night, Edward totally understood why his siblings required some time off to themselves. He wished he could have that as well. He hated people. Well, talking to them. Most of them. Except Bella.

Edward saw Ben and Angela shopping for a baby shower present for one of Angela's aunts. A pained and hung over Eric Yorkie stood by his Mother. Chipper Tyler Crowley accompanied Jane, of all not people, in the condom aisle. Edward wanted to make sure he and Bella kept clear of that area of the store.

Edward tried not to stare at the awkwardness of seeing a famous member of the Volturi guard actually in a human grocery store doing something almost normal. He listened to her thoughts, wondering when the massacre would begin, and mentally calculated how long it would take to spirit Bella from the store. Jane had apparently only recently learned that Lauren was still human. She had looked forward to killing the obnoxious newborn. Then again, she could always make the woman suffer by making her watch while she led Tyler around by the . . .never mind.

Jane noted Edward's attention and hissed at him at vampire frequency and speed, "Oh, shut it Cullen. I'm here humoring the cute human. I'm going to ride him like a Shetland pony all night long. Relax, I'm not hungry for food."

Goodness, Jane almost sounded smitten. And he tried not to think about the appetite that she planned on satisfying with Tyler. Their shrieks from last night were still emblazoned on his memory.

Jessica Stanley did not even bothering to disguise that she gawped at Tyler and Jane and texted Lauren after snapping a few helpful pictures to prove her point that her friend had most definitely been dumped by Tyler. Jessica now understood why Lauren had come up with that crazy story about running off. She had wanted to out do Tyler. Jessica leapt behind a display when she saw her boyfriend and his mother approach.

Edward listened with amusement at her panic at being caught with a box of feminine hygiene products in her basket. Ah, the immaturity of his former classmates. It never ceased to amaze him. Jessica had one singular talent. She was fiendishly clever at finding new ways to show off her marginal mind.

He noted that Jane's twin Alec studied at Jessica with interest. Edward whispered at vampire frequency to Alec that she was not worth his time. Alec expressed his gratitude and moved onto ogling other mortals. Edward liked Alec. Even he couldn't inflict Jessica on the Volturi. She, combined with Lauren Mallory as vampires, would be worse than the entire flock of newborns they had faced a few months ago.

Edward almost jumped in surprise when he saw Aro, Caius, Marcus and their guard walking in formation down the aisle. Because they all had the same identical shade of eyes, they had wanted to be discreet. They wore sunglasses, and that made them stand out more. And the robes worn by some of the guards swayed in tandem as they walked briskly through the startled shoppers. Apparently, Aro had decided that since humans were going to be present at the Cullen-Swan wedding, that it was only polite for them to buy a greeting card from a human store celebrating the wedding. Edward inwardly smiled as he heard Aro's thoughts. He might be power-hungry, but he was a sentimental man with a soft spot for his Bella.

Edward noticed that the Newtons were now walking beside his and Bella's shopping cart. Mike appeared to have recovered fully from his fainting spell from this morning. Edward noted with satisfaction that Mike did not have a mark on the back of his neck. Even better, Edward discerned Mike clearly had no memory of the events leading up to his fainting spell

With an almost imperceptible shake of his head, Edward decided that Mike's sacrifice in being his test subject was well worth the effort. Edward vowed that Mike was going to have to be his guinea pig for a few more spells in order to make sure he had perfected the technique. He mentally shuddered as he heard Mike's thoughts turn to Bella's hair. Mike was thinking about Bella's lips and hair and his ire was sparked by the rest of that distasteful image…My Lord, Edward sneered, does he never give up? Envisioning Mike in a body cast helped a bit.

He surreptitiously picked a single grape from a bunch in the produce section and with a casual flick, sent it at Mike head, with enough force to get the jerk's attention, but not hard enough to do him any permanent harm. It would be all kinds of embarrassing if Edward were caught by the immortals and had to explain to his Father why he had harmed Newton. So he made sure he moved fast and used his gift to monitor everyone nearby.

Mike lost in his fantasies of Bella, yelped and grabbed his right cheek and looked around the store. His Mother asked, "Michael, what's wrong? You look awful."

Mike answered in a bewildered tone, "I dunno, Mom, I just felt like something hit me."

"Wow, I can see your face is actually starting to darken. What did you do?" Mrs. Newton sounded concerned. She was thinking about his spell this morning and how much it had frightened her. She was not going to let him near alcohol until he was thirty. Then she noted the strange group of men in the capes. It was not Halloween and they are all pale and creepy looking. Who wore sunglasses indoors? Was this some new kind of performance art?

Mike Newton's Mother asked her son loudly what all those men were doing prancing through the store in long black cloaks. Quickly to cover for the Volturi and prevent the entire store from possibly being lunch, Edward took it upon himself to answer.

"They're here in town for the wedding. They are friends of ours who are on their way to the Star Wars festival in Seattle. Those are their costumes." He tried to sound like they were demented but loved. Mrs. Newton seemed to understand. Her husband was currently at that very festival.

Walking past the bins full of apples and oranges, she wandered around a cart stuffed with bananas and went to the stall past the artichokes. Bella stopped by the cucumbers. She selected one from the pile and inspected it carefully running a delicate finger along its length. Edward had never prepared anything for Bella with cucumbers in it on the occasions that he cooked, so her actions intrigued him.

Mike Newton immediately envisioned Bella's finger trailing along his throbbing member. Edward mentally rolled his eyes at Newton. If Mike were as large as he fantasized, the man would be in medical journals, he sniffed. Some genetic flaw must run in that family because Mrs. Newton had a similar image only this one involved certain delicate portions of her husband's anatomy.

Edward quickly shifted to Mike's perceptions because Mrs. Newton's were becoming too scary and he felt depraved listening to her inner dialogue. He glanced at Bella again and Edward cringed. He had at the same moment as the odious Newton the exact same sexual image of Bella as she innocently inspected vegetables. Edward's fantasy involved Bella trailing her finger along ...he needed to stop contemplating such inappropriate ideas, particularly in public. God, he was a depraved monster. She seemed to be taking forever to pick out a single vegetable. Edward wanted to get Bella away from the Newtons as quickly as possible before Mike said something to her. Like the truth.

"Bella, do you need assistance selecting produce?" He asked.

"Hmmm?" Bella blinked at him and flushed. "Oh, sorry, I was daydreaming."

She then proceeded to walk with him through the store and torture him among the produce, casually touching him to get his attention or to make a point as she talked. It was driving him insane with lust and, much to his surprise, thirst. Bella seemed completely unaware as he followed her polished loafers through his personal sojourn fighting both Charybdis and Scylla.

At first, Edward suspected a plot. Compared to him, Bella was such a bad actress though. There was no way she could ever pull that off, so he dismissed the notion, and castigated himself for being a pervert. His eyes darkened to pitch and he temporarily stopped breathing, conscious that he could not do it for long. Edward wondered if maybe he needed to go hunting again. Like now. Perhaps the stress of the past night had impacted his body.

One of the immortals in the room kindly reminded him at vampire pitch,

"If you are going to blend in with the humans, then you must breathe." Right. Drat. He sucked in a lungful of fragrant air. Too bad it smelled horrid. Except for that human blood part.

Edward actually could have sworn he smelled the faintest trace in the air of Mountain lion blood. He knew that could not be right. He vowed to go hunting again as soon as they finished shopping. Edward could handle this. He had perfect control.

An annoying voice in his mind shouted that he needed to divert his attention to something less salacious. Being around Bella and having these thoughts was actually starting to become painful. He shifted behind a lemon display and concentrated on trying to divert his unfortunately single-tracked mind. She picked four small limes. Edward's mind went straight to the gutter as he could not help but compare the small fruits to Bella's bust.

In desperation, he blurted out questions and asked her why she purchased particular items. She acted surprised for a moment, before she returned to staring at the shelves. He found it so fascinating to hear the mundane details of her life. They were now moving from the produce section to the breakfast aisle. Bella jumped as the glass nearby rattled noisily.

Bella inwardly did a dance of joy when she saw Edward's reaction to her examination of the cucumber. She tried to ignore the harrumphing noise coming from Mrs. Newton, who clearly knew that ordinary people did not inspect cucumbers with lingering caresses. Being around Tanya had turned her into a shameless hussy because in that moment, Bella didn't care what Mrs. Newton thought and moved onto the lemon and limes.

Ok, upon second consideration, she did care. Bella hoped that Mrs. Newton's matronly thoughts didn't give away her plan. Given his background and disdain for human stores, Edward had no way of knowing that she had virtually fondled the produce. Bella decided her plan would work better if they wandered ahead of the Newtons. To her dismay, Mrs. Newton seemed determined to shop the same aisles. Bella decided that she was just going to have to channel her new inward confidence.

She brushed against Edward's jacketed arm with a lingering caress, and stared in the other direction so that it did not seem deliberate and asked, "So did you have a good time at your bachelor party?"

"I can confidently assure you that I will never have another one." His shoulders tensed. Bella tried to push away the feeling of guilt.

Edward's posture became more rigid and his tone indicated that her casual touch did wonders in the desire department. Bella continued to ignore his reaction, exactly like Tanya ordered. She found three separate occasions to touch him in the next five minutes all to the same effect. Each one had an innocent motive.

"Oh Edward, would you mind being a dear and reaching for the olive oil on that top shelf?" she remembered asking sweetly as she brushed against his hand. Bella looked away afterwards hearing his hiss of indrawn breath.

Tanya had specifically asked her to make sure she bought some sort of syrup, a rare kind that was tucked away on the very bottom shelf towards the back. She said Bella should plan on taking the syrup on her honeymoon. After the wedding she doubted she'd be seeing much of Mrs. Newton anyway, so she might as well get this over with. She blushed scarlet. Edward asked what she was thinking. He almost sounded nervous.

Bella muttered, "Nothing," in response - a move that she knew would drive him insane. Right now, that was the general idea. She moved to the second part of Tanya's brilliant plan that was actually causing her blush. The syrup.

Bella bent over slowly, exactly like she practiced for half an hour in front of a critical Tanya, Kate, Irina, and Rosalie to reach gracefully for the syrup. She had spent considerable time perfecting the move so that it looked casual, yet sensual as well. Behind her she heard Edward hiss.

It's working, she inwardly smirked, as she slowly stood up, and ran a finger along the top of the syrup bottle absentmindedly. Bella could have sworn she actually heard Edward growl, for goodness' sakes. They should get together to go grocery shopping every day. Heck, after she was turned, she would take him once her newborn years were over just for grins.

Edward prided himself on being a gentleman. He tried to show Bella he loved her in the little things. Bringing her a single blossom to leave by her bedside as she slept this morning represented an example. Bella seemed unusually talkative today, and he attributed it to nerves. To his surprise, Tanya had behaved herself. Clearly, his message of the morning had been received. It was good to see that he could make his will known even to the indomitable Tanya. He could not have his Bella feeling any more stressed than she already did.

Bella stepped away from his side and slowly bent forward to reach something from the very bottom shelf. For a brief moment, it mortified Edward that he had been so caught up in his own world that she actually had to do that. He would have reached it for her. Ladies should not be forced to bend in such directions in pub…..he hissed as his eyes drifted to Bella's gorgeous posterior as her head nearly touched the floor. In the middle of her left jean buttock was the exact pasty that Tanya had worn last night.

No wonder she smelled like mountain lion blood.

The pasty winked at him maliciously, and he could swear he saw Tanya's face smirking back at him from the depths of Bella's blue jeans. He actually growled and stood there gawping.

The mental gears whirled as he realized that this was no coincidence. He reached out to the minds around him. The Volturi had gone shopping only because Tanya had reminded their wives of the human custom of greeting cards. Considering that Tanya avoided speaking to the Volturi at all costs, this stank. They had just been set up. Tanya was going to pay, as Edward stared at the offending object.

Mike Newton ten feet behind him, thought, _"See, I knew he was lying last night. He is such an ass man and I just totally busted him staring at Bella like she's a piece of meat. Freaking hypocrite. Hey, what is that on her ass?"_

Without pausing, driven solely by the instinctive need to protect his love, Edward Cullen did something that a few moments ago would have been simply unthinkable. At vampire speed, he reached forward and delicately touched his love's rear end.

This was one of the advantages to being immortal he reminded himself sanctimoniously, as he moved faster than the human eye could watch. Edward grasped the edge of the pasty affixed to Bella's rear end. Gingerly and quickly, he pulled it off like Bella did her band aids.

Edward heard Bella squeak in surprise and he whispered to her, "I apologize for improperly touching you like that. You had something on your pants that needed to be removed immediately. It is gone now."

It did not take a genius to discern that she would be mortified if anyone else saw Tanya's pasty. Edward congratulated himself on being such a considerate boyfriend. Since he had not even learned what a pasty was until last night, he doubted his delicate innocent Bella would recognize one. Edward wanted to make sure it stayed that way. He planned on telling her later that night an edited (but true) version of last night's party but did not want the discussion to include distasteful things like pasties. He particularly did not want to have to explain to his beloved precisely how he knew the pasty belonged to Tanya. That would be an awkward conversation. Thank goodness he had the foresight to block the cell phones during her dance.

Edward tried not to think of the wave of desire he felt just now touching her so intimately. His motives were pure. He glanced down at the offending object grasped in his fingers and prepared to destroy the incriminating evidence. As his eyes fell upon his hand, Edward gasped in horror. Not only did he have Tanya's pasty in his hand; in his haste to be discreet, he also had collected the fabric from the entire left buttock of Bella's blue jeans.

Edward's hand felt on fire, and he glanced down at his love in abject misery. Time seemed to slow. He remembered feeling this way when he witnessed Tyler Crowley's van sped towards her on that infamous wintry day: completely helpless.

Edward's stunned eyes went to the gaping 6-inch hole in the fabric of her jeans. She was wearing a delicate scarlet thong. He did not realize that her bottom had that much muscle definition to it and that maybe his brother was right about the merits of being - what was that vulgar term he used - an ass man. She must be uncomfortable with that ribbon going, ahem, well, it did not look natural. He would clearly have to purchase more comfortable undergarments for her because when they did have their honeymoon, she could wear or not wear something like that all she wanted.

A split second later, it occurred to Edward upon hearing Mike Newton's choking noises that others could see Bella's partially naked form as well. He witnessed the same mental image repeated in the small throng of shoppers behind them as they collectively wondered if their eyes were failing them. And in the minds of all three Volturi and their numerous highly amused guards. He felt like a cad as everyone around them bombarded his mind.

Jessica Stanley literally did something curious that she called the Snoopy dance and chortled in glee. Jessica thought that it was so unfair that Bella didn't have cellulite - then again what anorexic had cellulite, she sniped. She had to admit, to be fair, that Bella did seem heavier than when she last saw her. Then Jessica had mental images of Edward ripping off her own clothing in the privacy of her pink bedroom while Bella looked on in envy peeping through the window. Jessica fanned herself. It was too bad Lauren had allegedly found that rich guy in South America and was not answering her cell phone. Jessica inwardly squealed that she could not wait to tell, well someone. Then again, almost the entire town was already present at the store, she grumbled, which was so unfair.

Mike Newton's mother actually thought that she could not possibly comprehend what possessed that nice Cullen boy to try to tear off his fiancée's clothes in public. Poor Bella. Clearly the young man was an animal. And a sex fiend. No wonder her son's behavior of late was abnormal. She was going to have to call Esme Cullen the second they got home. She also promised to ban Mike from spending any time alone with that young man. But first she was considering calling the police. Someone had to stand up for Bella. She reached for her cell phone inside her large bag. Now where was that darn thing?

Bella whimpered and flushed scarlet from head to toe as she felt a breeze on her naked backside and heard a commotion behind her. Did she fall asleep in the store? Was this a new nightmare? Could you have a nightmare while awake? Wait. Why did she even ask that question? She already knew the answer.

Mike Newton, staring transfixed like heaven had awarded him a special prize thought, _"Even her ass blushes. Hot damn. That is so hot!"_

_"You seem to require assistance of some sort since you have stood for almost two seconds with your fiancée exposed to these mortals," _one of the Volturi guard thought to him, _"Do something. Or I will."_

As he reacted Edward had mused last night that everything had gone to Hell when Tanya had removed her brassiere and had beamed her power at the entire room. He belatedly amended that evaluation as he emerged from his split-second daze and began to move. This, he swore, was so much worse.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**Bella does her homework assignment with earth shattering results. Tanya wants you to know that she passed Bella with an A minus. Edward kind of sort of accidentally-on-purpose borrowed an item of Bella's clothing. He plans on giving it back. Posthaste.**

**Please review it feeds my low self-esteem :)**

**References:**

Women did not get the right to vote in the United States while Edward lived:http:/womenshistory (dot) about (dot) com/od/suffrage1900/a/august_26_wed (dot) htm

Being caught between Scylla and Charybdis refers to Greek Mythology:

http:/www (dot) suite101 (dot) com/content/scylla-and-charybdis-a79609

Written by this guy: http:/www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/homer/

In this – which I give two thumbs up: http:/classics (dot) mit (dot) edu/Homer/odyssey (dot) html

This is Pepe Le Pew: http:/www (dot) toonopedia (dot) com/pepe (dot) htm

This is the Snoopy dance: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=hUQX2B67KL4


	7. Shameless Hussy Part One

Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this.

Many thanks for all the reviews!

**Chapter Five: Indecent Exposure in the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part One**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever made a dime from this. So there.**

**Snarky Summary: Tanya spends eight hours with Bella. And no one had sex. Really. Seriously. Although they talked an awful lot about it. Not having sex. With Edward. Tanya gives Bella a homework assignment. Bella and Edward go grocery shopping. Bella does her homework with astounding success. Edward rips her clothes off. Sorta. Kinda. And with Bella's naked backside showing - well part of it - we begin.**

**

* * *

**

From her hotel room in Port Angeles, Tanya looked down at the virgin she had just finished pleasuring. She had forgotten how eager these humans were to please as she gazed at the young Quileute hunk that lay gasping for air. It really was too bad about that erectile dysfunction issue, she tsked. Then again, since she had to hold her breath due to the stench, she re-considered, he wasn't quite a human - being a wolf and all.

She'd have to find another virgin. Soon. Perhaps she could call that Ben Cheney. He definitely looked untouched - dewy eyed - just like she liked them. And surely he smelled better.

She asked the dog another question while caressing his shoulder, "Now how long have you known Bella?"

With one blast of her power she had him begging for more from her and eagerly providing her detailed answers. She'd had to hold her nose while riding him; although that wasn't the first time she shuddered as she remembered the stench from Elizabethan England.

Ultimately, however, Jacob Black had given every bit of information that she had required to complete her knowledge of Bella and Edward. She did have Edward's best interests at heart. Tanya had played the woman scorned to perfection. She might have dropped a tiny hint or two that she would dearly love to break up the star-crossed couple. How could _she_ be blamed if he misinterpreted her words? He was, after all, an over-excited virgin with performance issues. She might possibly have encouraged him to imbibe in a mushroom or two. The hallucinations should have kicked in any moment now. So he might have fuzzy memories of the whole thing, or if caught, Tanya could always insist the man had shown up to her place drugged.

Holding her gorge, she cooed at him as she handed him his clothes and unceremoniously ushered that tall young man out of her suite. Tanya lied straight into his dilated eyes with the claim, "Once you get Big Chief there in working order, perhaps we can do this again." She might be inspired in her game but there were limits to even what she would do. And "perhaps" really meant "a cold day in hell," but Tanya was nice like that. She liked giving men hope in their dull dreary lives.

She offered the idiot one last glimpse of her stunning naked figure as she leaned against the doorway, waved her fingers at him and blew him a kiss. Two elderly humans walked by her open door, clutched at their hearts and made gasping noises. One of them started popping nitroglycerin tablets. Poor thing, the sight of her in her glory was harming his heart. She blew a kiss at him, too. She couldn't help it if she was the hottest thing the human man had ever seen. As her hotel door firmly shut on the blissed out Quileute, her snort of disgust resounded through the room.

"Sister dear, you have such impressive control. I don't know how you managed to do that dog." Kate laughed, a bit too loudly before schooling her features into a calm mask. Irina went through the penthouse and briskly opened the windows, letting in cool breezes. She tossed an extra container of air freshener to Kate and both of them began attempting to rid the room of the distinctive stench that Jacob Black had left behind.

"It was a sacrifice but somebody had to do it for the greater good of our family. I worry about dear Edward. And did you notice I kept the dog's hands off of my clothing? Ugh. There are some men that just aren't worth stripping for. We're going to have to disinfect the entire room. Call the hotel and tell them we want the other penthouse suite."

"Of course. Why did you?" Irina sounded curious.

"Why did I what, Irina?" Tanya responded with an edge to her voice.

"Why are you bothering to pursue Edward?" Irina clarified.

"I'm not pursuing Edward." Tanya looked the very picture of innocence. Her sisters were not buying it.

"Sister dearest, you just rode a dog to get information from him. If that's not a sacrifice I don't know what is. Why are you continuing after Edward?" Kate retorted. Privately, she wondered if her sister had come unhinged from the bachelor party.

"Or is Bella your target? Are you going to _seduce her_ away from Edward?" Irina actually sounded shocked and impressed. "With some work she could be a fine addition to our family." She gave a wicked grin. "Edward will truly never see that one coming. Bella the lesbian. You are very naughty."

"Relax. I'm not going to try to seduce the human girl away from Edward, even if I do agree with you on Edward's limited imagination. If I slept with Bella he really would kill me then." Tanya laughed. "The poor girl would most likely keel over from pleasure after having a heart attack."

She ignored her siblings solemn expressions lost in her own Tanya Universe.

"Jacob Black is close to Bella, and despite her feelings of friendship for him, definitely wants more from her. If I can learn about what makes Edward and Bella tick, then I can see why he wants her. So talking to the man proved useful."

Irina wanted to end this obsession her sibling had with Edward. Tanya had given it her last go, had failed, and needed to keep in line with the family image. If she had honestly loved the man, then it would have made more sense to Irina. But she knew her sister well enough to know that Tanya held no romantic sentiments for their cousin. Irina also drew the line at bringing scandal on the Cullens. They did not like the spotlight. She also had a soft spot for Edward. He was turning into quite the fine vampire male after centuries of doing his best to blend into the wall.

"What did Alice say that captured your attention last night, dear Sister?" Concerned, Irina gently touched Tanya's hand.

"Come with me to the bathroom. I have to wash the stink of the dog off of me and I'll tell you both." Tanya scrunched her nose and sniffed at her breast. She'd been staring at her left one more and more. As much as she hated to admit it, the breast did sag by four point five millimeters.

"Too bad vampires cannot get plastic surgery," Tanya sighed as she put her hair up into a high ponytail.

As she sank into the warm water and scrubbed her skin with a Brillo pad and bleach, Tanya told her sisters, "Rosalie told me yesterday that Edward runs hundreds of miles every week in order to burn off energy before he allows himself to see Bella. Even his family was impressed by the amount of effort he put into his precautions. If I had to guess from what Bella did not say, I would bet that she has attempted to seduce him ineptly at least once or twice."

"Poor girl," Irina said.

"It's clear that Bella has no idea how hard he has to work. So he's been spending even more time running these past few days."

"Well, she is his singer. I can't imagine how she has remained living all this time around him. What does this have to do with last night?" Kate asked.

"When the party ended, I heard Alice ask Edward if he was going to run before he went to see Bella. He told her that he felt fine." Tanya confessed. "Sisters, he didn't even sound rattled."

"You are infamous for arousing men. We all are! We have a reputation to maintain." Irina sounded indignant, hoping to remind her sister of the big picture.

Kate agreed. "I could sense the arousal from the crowd. They could not stop staring at you. Even Edward looked distressed. The place went wild when you removed your top."

"After Edward left, Alice congratulated me. She predicted that fifty human babies were going to be conceived just from the effects of watching my show. So that made me think. My performances cause people to go insane with desire. I certainly used all my power last night and even borrowed some of Jasper's to make the room explode in lust. And Edward did not feel compelled to burn off energy prior to seeing his precious human? The one that he is fanatical about to the point of almost being OCD? That told me everything I needed to know about Edward. The man has self control that is even better than my own," Tanya breathed.

"I have a reputation to maintain in the vampire community. We all do. So if we can't seduce him, we are definitely going to help Bella do it, and get a little payback in the process. Here's what I have in mind."

Tanya pulled the plug and began plotting with her sisters as they helped her get the stench out of her hair. She couldn't help but wonder in the midst of her machinations how Bella was doing on her homework assignment.

At that moment, her phone chirped. Tanya smirked as she read her new text message from Demetri who thought Tanya and her sisters might want to go see the Cullens at home but wouldn't say why. Phase one had just been completed. She wished she could have been there to see Edward's face. She giggled, and typed back a message indicating shock and surprise to her fair Italian flunkie. Her sisters, hearing her laugh, raised identical brows. Tanya turned to them and shared her news.

"I paid a little joke on Edward, not that I'm going to admit to doing it. Payback's a bitch," she trilled. "We need to be on our way." She threw clothes on at vampire speed, gathered her sisters, and sped out of the suite.

Tanya couldn't help but feel a teensy twinge of regret about Bella one she ruthlessly quashed at the alter of her ego. Humans were so flighty. The girl would forget about it in a few weeks. Tanya would try to make it up to her. She did have a reputation to maintain in the immortal community. She couldn't let Edward Cullen get in her way no matter how hot he was.

Irina and Kate both bit the inside of their cheeks, metaphorically speaking, to keep from shrieking at their sister. They would have to wait until she decided to inform them of what was going on, although Irina sent an innocuous text to Rosalie to test the waters. She was going to have to, once again, clean up after her sister. Both Irina and Kate thought about Bella's smile as she had left earlier. She was such a sweet girl, a perfect match for Edward. If only Tanya would accept that and leave the two in peace.

What made Kate frustrated the most was that she could understand if Tanya did all this out of love. She had seen her sister with Alexander. But Tanya did not do this out of love; and that kind of single-minded dedication disturbed Kate. She wondered where Bella was and hoped that she was in one piece.

Prior to hell breaking out at the Thriftway, a tiny part of Bella had been actually enjoying being naughty all undercover-like and completing her homework assignment. The rest of her had been terrified. For once she had thanked goodness for all the stress in her life and her ability to hide it. Edward's vampire senses could detect simple signs of deception like an accelerated heartbeat, adrenaline in her bloodstream, even Lord help her, sexual arousal – which she totally was not deceiving him about. These past few weeks had kept them running so much that Bella's heart fluctuated all the time, she constantly seemed to have adrenaline in her system from stress, and in his presence she seemed perpetually aroused, damn him. In its simplicity, Tanya's plan was genius.

She crouched for the container on the bottom row. The Denali sisters would be so proud of her progress, Bella vowed, as she peeked at Edward. The boy looked positively dumbstruck. Holding the syrup, Bella slowly stood. She had to remind herself to keep her facial expression blank. Caressing the bottle top while appearing distracted was a brilliant afterthought, she crowed. Tanya had told her that if she touched the syrup while facing him, he'd become suspicious. But if she was turned away from Edward and stared off into space, then he would never suspect a thing. Bella's confidence in the plan soared to new heights.

She stiffened in surprise and wondered if perhaps she had taken things a bit too far when she felt Edward's fingers on her rear end in a feather-light touch. Maybe Tanya's advice worked too well on Edward, Bella squeaked. She straightened her shoulders in shock and yelped when she heard fabric tearing and felt an uncomfortable breeze from the direction of the frozen foods section wafting over her back.

_Why is only the left side of my bottom cold? Oh. My._ Bella belatedly realized that Edward had ripped the left portion of the seat of her jeans right off of her body. Had she driven him so mad with passion he was going to jump her bones there in the store in front of everyone? Bella wasn't Tanya. Right? _Even she had limits._

_She had wanted to do homework_, Bella mentally whined, _but not this kind of homework in public. Had she pushed him too far? Had he completely lost control over a bottle of syrup? Was syrup some secret vampire aphrodisiac? Had Edward unleashed that inner beast she had so wanted to meet and had decided to go CaveVamp on her in public?_

She turned her head ever so slightly to her left to meet his eyes. With white knuckles, Edward clutched the fabric from her jeans and stared at it intensely for a millisecond before it vanished into his pants pocket. His features instantly became expressionless. Bella gulped.

Bella's panicked mind immediately filled with visions from her personal humiliathon: A red-faced Charlie frog-marching her away from the store - her partially naked behind flashing for a huge crowd of her classmates to see while he angrily stuffed his handcuffed daughter in the back of the squad car for public indecency. _'Why, of all days,' _she mentally wailed,_ 'did I have to decide to wear a scarlet thong? Oh yeah, that's right Swan, you wanted to wear it to convince yourself that you could face Tanya. What a great day to wear a thong for the first time in your life.'_

Her mental vision continued as she saw Edward in chains, being led by Charlie's deputy to sit in the cruiser beside her. In her vision, Edward stared aghast at her. In her vision, he wordlessly blamed her with a glance for his loss of control. In her vision, Bella looked back mournfully at him as she realized Vision Edward was right.

A choking noise from behind her distracted Bella from her mental self-flagellation a split second later. She could hear Mike Newton's sudden intake of breath followed by a strangled cry. A few seconds later, she then heard Mrs. Newton gasp. Bella did not think it could get worse, but then she heard Jessica Stanley shriek in glee. Bella would have liked to have done something to cover up but right now she felt frozen in place by fear. The shrieking noises. She couldn't take them. All this occurred within a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.

As the Newton's spluttered, and immortal voices around him shouted orders, Edward took decisive action. At vampire speed, he tore off his coat, and immediately put it on Bella. It covered her down to her knees. Mrs. Newton's thoughts mortified him.

'_Now he's tearing off his own clothes? What is he going to do, try to have sex with her here in the supermarket? Poor Bella! I need to step in and save that young girl. If that were my daughter, I'd kill him. I'm going to have to call Esme. And Charlie.'_

From her vantage point in the personal products aisle that was twenty feet in front of Bella and Edward, Jane watched gobsmacked. She definitely recognized Tanya's pasty in the fabric in his hand. Jane actually felt bad for Bella as she saw the girl. _Decades of being annoyingly uptight and virtuous had finally broken Edward Cullen. Tanya must have pushed him over the edge last night. Was he going to do Bella right there in the store in front of the humans?_ Jane vowed, _if he so much as twitched I am so going to teach him a lesson._ In the time she'd spent around her, Jane had come to like Bella. Marcus and Aro had a soft spot for her. Besides, her innocence was obvious, and Jane didn't think Bella wanted her first time to be in a Thriftway in front an audience.

Oblivious, Tyler stared at the assortment of boxes in front of him. He looked at Jane and asked, "Ribbed? Or not"

"Both," Jane said absentmindedly. Tyler flushed and grabbed five boxes. To keep him occupied, Jane added six more to the cart with a small smile. She stroked his arm with trailing fingers. Tyler's eyes glazed over as Jane watched and waited to see what Cullen would do.

From his vantage point behind the small crowd, Marcus saw the whole thing happen like a car accident. He nudged Felix with his arm, and wordlessly ordered him with his eyes to move. Nobody disobeyed Marcus. Besides, this was going to be fun. Felix gracefully moved to Bella and Edward's side.

Bella heard an admiring chuckle from Felix who, in a blur of movement, took position between Edward, Bella, and the Newtons. Kindly, his bulk blocked the view of most of the astounded spectators. He clapped Edward across the shoulders.

Felix quietly muttered, "That's no way to treat a lady you plan on marrying. Or did you change your mind and decide to offer her to us now? In Thriftway? Is this a charming new American custom?"

Irritated, Mike's tiny little mind was occupied with the overwhelming fear that Edward was going to take Bella right there in the supermarket aisle. It would ruin his mental fantasies of her, not to mention he wouldn't be able to see it with that hulking foreign dude blocking the view. Mike was also panicking because the sight of Bella's lovely behind had made Mike the Monster come out and play. He was now standing by his Mother, painfully aroused in public, with nowhere to hide his erection. Irrationally, Mike couldn't help but snicker nervously. It's a shame that he didn't factor in the pair of eyes glaring at him from across the store. And oh yeah, maybe he should step in and help Bella. So he moved one step forward and held out an arm.

Jane decided from her viewpoint that Cullen needed a break. Clearly something had happened, but he appeared in control and she decided that he seemed rational. She concluded that he must have had a good reason for tearing Bella's clothes in a public location. She needed to find a way to distract people from looking at Cullen and Bella. Her eyes lit on Mike Newton as he moved. Ah, the asshole from last night. The one who spanked Tanya and tipped her one dollar. Perfect.

She beamed a jolt of her power at Mike, who fell to the ground like he'd been hit by a semi and screamed the bewildering words, "Mike the Monster!"

Jane couldn't help but notice with malice that the boy had been aroused when her power hit and now made a spectacle, rolling around on the ground with a small tent-like patch on his trousers before his aghast parent. Jane quickly stopped her power. Confused, Mike stared up from the ground. He had no idea what had hit him. He wondered if he was still drunk.

Edward reasoned that the crowd gathering around Mike and Mrs. Newton would offer the second he needed to spirit Bella away from the unwashed masses. He heard Mike explain that he felt fine and that he had tripped. Edward realized he had to be careful given that they had an attentive human and inhuman audience, whose rude comments he was doing his best to ignore. He stiffened as he heard Aro mentally call for him to wait.

Aro nudged Demetri as he watched the guard fiddling with his new BlackBerry. "Demetri, find out the name of the merchant from that tiny Cullen girl where she purchased Bella's undergarments. I want to purchase two dozen in that color. And don't even think about taking a picture."

Demetri had managed to send one text but his phone was no longer working. And he never would have dreamed of taking a picture of Bella. Not that he could even see anything. He valued his hide.

Caius grumbled at Aro, "Black would be more tasteful than scarlet. It would match our colors."

Aro sweetly chirped, "But it's not you I want to see in that lingerie, dear brother." Aro leered as thoughts of his mate crossed his mind.

"Are you buying this for your wife?" Caius asked. "You want her wearing that? It looks like string. It can't be comfortable. Girl, is that comfortable?" Caius barked at Bella.

"Please excuse us, sir. We really should leave," Edward smoothly answered for her. Bella looked more frightened than she had that day in Italy.

"You can leave after she answers. Well, girl?" Caius growled.

Bella had reached her limit. She turned to Caius and snapped, "Yes."

To Aro, Bella said, "Your wife looks more like an Autumn to me. Try forest green."

Shocked at her outburst, Caius stood dumbfounded. Humans didn't talk like that to him and live – well, ever. She was going to be fascinating once she was turned, if she lived that long. That Cullen boy seemed wound pretty tight. He just might snap before the wedding and kill her. Edward glared at him.

Aro radiated happiness. He nudged Demetri and caroled, "Find them in both green and scarlet. The holidays have come early this year."

Bella was starting to shake and Edward realized that he really needed to get her out of the store without bloodshed. With the Volturi standing beside him, he could not carry Bella out of the store at vampire speed. He knew if he carried her that they might move quicker, but it would call more attention to Bella they needed to look as normal as possible and act their way out of the store. Instead, mentally wincing, he began the supermarket walk of shame.

Bella saw everything going on around her, but the world seemed to just slow down to a snail's pace. She started to say something as they rapidly abandoned the almost empty shopping cart behind them. Bella had visions of the syrup bottle mournfully waving an egg noodle at them in farewell which mentally transformed into a feather boa held by some voluptuous stripper. She was never going to live this down. They needed to arrange her death quickly so she never had to deal with Forks again. She shuddered when she thought of having to face those same people in a little over a week. She knew they'd be thinking of her underwear as she stumbled down the aisle. Then she started thinking of crowds and screaming filled her mind.

"Hush, Bella," Edward said soothingly. "I'll get you out of here." Bella realized that she had been making that strangled noise.

Edward shuffled through the greeting card section and past a sympathetic Angela and Ben, who nodded at Edward in support. That represented the best part of their escape. The worst part entailed passing all the people who stood frozen in place just staring at them. They passed Charlie's next-door neighbor. Edward could tell by the direction of the woman's thoughts that she worried that Bella could faint. He knew that it was only a matter of time before someone called Charlie. Edward decided to think about that later. Bella had to come first, and they needed to get out of there.

Once they actually were outside of the store, tears started down her face. She began to shake violently. She couldn't seem to breathe. And then she could not think at all. Marcus who had been following, waved at a group of his guard, and indicated that they should escort the couple.

Edward heard Bella start to hyperventilate. He ran his left hand down her back and carried her quickly to the car. He ignored the curious glances from the shoppers in the parking lot. He only just managed to avoid snapping at one matron whose thoughts wondered how far along Bella must be in her pregnancy as that could be the only reason the two of them were getting married so young.

As they arrived at his Volvo, he shifted Bella's weight to his left arm. One of the guards opened the passenger side door. Edward delicately placed her in the seat. The men surrounded the vehicle and pretended to carry on conversations.

Edward kept his features impassive as he wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. He crouched at her side, and ran his hands down her arm soothingly. His face remained calm as he whispered, "Bella I need you to try to concentrate and slow your breathing. You're hyperventilating. I want you to move your lips like you're blowing out a candle."

Edward demonstrated for her by pursing his lips and blowing his breath across her face. "Go ahead and exhale just like that. You're doing fine." He crouched beside her encouraging her with his words and gentle tone. He knew he had to remain calm for Bella's sake. It killed him to see her cry.

Ben and Angela exited the Thriftway, saw the silver Volvo across the lot and ran toward them. Edward waved them past the guards. Seeing Bella's distress, Angela crawled into the driver's seat and wrapped her arms around Bella's shoulders from the left side. She pulled tissues from her purse and wiped at Bella's eyes making shushing noises. Edward almost smiled as he watched Angela encouraging Bella to exhale slowly, running her fingers affectionately through her friend's hair. Ben stood guard with the other men keeping others from approaching. Edward could hear Angela mentally wondering what on earth had happened in the store to make Bella so upset. She decided that Bella would tell her when she was ready.

Edward had always considered Angela Weber to be the kindest human in Forks, next to Bella. Her thoughts and deeds now only served to underscore that observation. Between the three of them, they managed to get Bella calmed down in a matter of minutes. Once Bella's breathing had become normal, he stroked her cheek and said, "You were very brave just now. I will take you home."

As grateful as he was for Ben and Angela's help, Edward needed to get Bella away from the store before the Volturi emerged. Angela kissed Bella on the cheek.

"Bella, call me when you feel better."

Bella took Angela's hand and whispered to her friend, "Thanks, Ang, You're the best."

Angela smiled at her, squeezed her hand in return, and said, "You're worth it." She and Ben nodded at Edward.

"Thank you for helping us," he said to them as he climbed into the car. He drove away and decided to forget about the speed limit once they were out of sight of the store.

"Lilies." Bella's whispered word seemed thunderous in the silence of the car.

"Pardon me?" Edward had no idea what she meant.

"Angela's favorite flower. I should send her a bouquet." Bella wiped at her face. "She's a much better friend to me than I deserve."

"Oh Bella," Edward answered. "That is not the case. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives."

His phone rang. The screen showed his sister's name, which was the only reason he bothered to answer it. Anyone else he would have ignored.

"A little warning would have been appreciated, Mary Alice," he growled at vampire speed. For Bella's ears, he said, "Hello, how was your hunt?" She and her mate were over a hundred miles away.

"Jasper and I could not reach you. When the vision hit we were out of cell phone range hunting. I'm so sorry Edward." Alice sounded tearful.

"Duly noted." He could not think of anything else to say so ended the call quickly. The phone disappeared into the folds of his jacket. As they drove home, Edward reached out with his right hand and stroked Bella's left hand tenderly. She still had not uttered a word to him about his deplorable behavior.

Edward decided groveling was definitely in order. "Bella, sweetheart, I am so very, very sorry. I never meant for that to happen. Please. Say something. Anything."

He spit the words out so quickly she had a hard time discerning what he actually said.

Bella realized that Edward was possibly as embarrassed - if not more so - than she was. And Bella had to admit to herself that the past few minutes had not remotely resembled the way she imagined showing her assets off to Edward. She had pushed him too far and now paid the price for her arrogance. Her conscience smarted as she imagined walking in her fiancé's boots.

She felt in that second that karma had paid her a visit for her bet with Tanya over his bachelor party. Since the fault was hers, Bella vowed that she was going to have to handle this horrifying event with good grace. She reasoned that it was only fair. Also, once Edward found out that she had unleashed Tanya on him, the gloves would be off. She didn't even want to think what he would do in revenge as Cullen honor dictated. If she acted understanding about his behavior in the store, before he found out about _hers _with the wager, then he'd have to forgive her. That made some kind of twisted sense to her so she decided to run with it. First, she had to find out if she had taken things too far.

"Edward, could you share something with me?" she softly asked, still staring straight ahead, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "What was that?"

"Bella, I need to talk to you about last night." Edward sounded like he was walking the plank. She had to let him off easy.

"Did you shoot the neighbor's dog?"

"No."

"Did you eat their cat?" She saw his lips twitch at that comment.

"I have better taste than that. And Jasper is the one who ate a cat. But it was _our_ cat at the time so the neighbors were not upset." He shuddered.

"Did you murder anyone?" He stiffened slightly.

"Unfortunately for me, Mike Newton still lives and breathes. Felix too. Clearly, I am slipping. I will vanquish a few obnoxious wedding guests when we return home."

"Did you cheat on me?" Bella almost sounded like her usual self.

Edward quipped, "As tempting as Jasper was last night, I somehow found the force of will to resist those soft lips. Don't tell him though; he's still angry at me and feeling sensitive and rejected."

"Jasper? I would have thought the stripper that is present at every Bachelor party would have caught your eye. Unless there's something else you need to share with me." Bella was starting to emerge from her daze. She still felt numb. She knew she was in shock. But her ability to stay calm in a crises began to take over.

"Alas, despite her heroic efforts, the dancing girl who appeared briefly could not hold a candle to the temptation that is you, Bella. I left the party early because I could not stand to be away from your side." He caressed her hand. She loved him so much right now. She even ignored that he broke three traffic rules to get her back to the Cullen mansion.

They pulled into the driveway. Charlie wouldn't be home for several hours, if he even returned, so Edward decided that his dinner could wait. Bella did not mind when her fiancé put his hand at her waist and let her past his startled family up the stairs.

As he blitzed past, Edward tuned out everyone's mentally shouted questions with a stiff nod of his head.

The household landline was already ringing - indicating that word had spread through the tiny town of Forks. Esme went to answer the phone. The forbidding expression on Edward's face as he had passed everyone ensured them privacy for now.

Edward sat on the bed and kept her cradled within his arms. Her face seemed paler than usual. He berated himself for being a complete lack wit. He was dying to know how Tanya's pasty came to be on Bella's jeans, and definitely planned on researching that issue with extreme prejudice. He ran his fingers gently through her hair at her temple. Usually that comforted her. He gazed upon her, sadly. She had shadows under her eyes. He knew she was barely sleeping. Today's events certainly wouldn't help. He had to make it better.

He could hear Jasper and Alice arrive at the house and climb the stairs. Jasper immediately came into the bedroom and sent calming waves to Bella. His brother's thoughts indicated frustration because his gift did not appear to be working. Alice went to a drawer in Edward's dresser where Bella had been storing her clothes and collected fresh clothing. Without a word, Alice took Bella gingerly by the hand and led her away from Edward's side into the bathroom. Bella moved like she was wrapped in cotton batting, still clearly in shock.

Alice's heart broke as Bella faced away from her and her sister took off Edward's coat, revealing the torn jeans and the flash of a forlorn scarlet thong. Bella fumbled with the button of the jeans and pulled them off. Standing on one leg almost caused her to fall. She added her shirt, bra, and the thong to the pile on the floor. Bella swept the discarded items into a haphazard pile.

Still facing the shower, Bella dressed in jerky movements. She picked up the bundle at her feet and handed it to Alice.

"Burn this, please. I don't . . ." Bella stared anywhere but at Alice's face.

Alice found a plastic bag underneath the bathroom sink and stuffed the clothing into it.

Bella sat on the marble counter and slipped her feet into the jeans. It was easier to put them on that way since she was so uncoordinated. Alice discreetly held her by the waist as she slid to the ground and fastened the pants and finished dressing. After staring in contemplation for a moment, Bella slipped her feet into the same loafers that she had worn. She had polished them last night, just like her Grandfather had taught her. Burning them would be wasteful and petty.

"_I should probably add the rest of the lingerie I have hidden away where he can't find it,"_ Bella briefly considered thinking of the merry bonfire her clothes would make. She wished she could burn away the memories along with them.

"_Get a grip. It's not like he stripped you naked. Only a few people saw and not much for very long." _Then the sounds of Mrs. Newton, of Mike, of Jessica Stanley reacting mentally came knocking at her door like unwanted dinner guests. Currently their voices were in echo mode. She heard her Grandmother's voice in her mind. She was made of sterner stuff. Bella decided to ignore all the voices. Life had to go on.

Edward, back in the bedroom, hung his head in his hands and covered his face.

Alice watched Bella change into a clean pair of jeans and top. Alice noted with concern that Bella appeared weary. She knew better than to pry. And there were too many ears around to have a blunt talk.

Alice could hear Edward suck in air as if he were in pain as Jasper asked at vampire pitch, "What happened?"

"Did Alice not tell you?"

"I want to hear it from you."

"I did something thoughtless and foolish."

"That's not like you, Edward." Jasper waited for his brother to continue speaking. For a moment, Jasper feared his brother would bolt from the room, before Edward took a deep breath and put his hands back over his face. Edward was done talking for the moment.

Alice lifted a thick hair brush from the counter in Edward's bathroom. Edward had taken great joy in buying little things and leaving them at the house that showed that Bella belonged there. The brush was a brand Bella had remembered from her childhood that she loved. After hearing her wistfully comment to Rosalie that they did not make brushes like they used to, he had decided to please her. It had taken him three weeks of tracking on the Internet to find the exact model in a little store in Turkey. Edward had happily paid more than the brush was actually worth to have it shipped overnight to surprise Bella. Alice quickly smoothed Bella's thick hair into order, and gently hugged her.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I did not see that happening. I feel like I failed you!" Alice whispered in pain.

"Alice, life just happens. I'll get over this. I'm just embarrassed. It's not like anyone died." Bella hugged her back. "But I love you for trying. I'm so glad you're going to be my sister."

The women walked back into the bedroom. Alice had the bag of clothing tucked under her arm. Hands balled into fists, Edward now stood near the window wall, fuming and trying not to let it show. The vampires could still hear Esme on the phone downstairs fielding outraged phone calls.

Edward winced as he heard his mother say, "No Mrs. Newton, my son is not a sexual deviant. And yes, Mrs. Newton, we would have known about any history of such behavior when we adopted him. Bella is here now. Of course she's clothed! Yes my daughter Alice is with her right now. Thank you for your concern about Bella's welfare and thank you for informing me of this incident. I clearly need to speak to Edward and Bella. I'd like to go check up on my family, if you don't mind."

He heard Esme mutter darkly as she lowered the phone upon ending the call. Edward realized he had a lot of apologizing to do.

Edward searched through his mind for the right words. It seemed clear that the immediate effects of shock had worn off and Bella was starting to crash as the adrenaline in her system dissipated. She sat on the edge of their bed with a new outfit and guarded expression. Edward slowly approached and sank to his knees before her. He took her face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her softly on the forehead. Bella closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. She placed her head against his shoulder after the chaste kiss ended.

Before he could say a word, Tanya and her sisters swept into the room. Their thoughts were filled with sympathy. Apparently, word had already spread through the immortal contingent in Forks. They had come to help – so said Irina to his gobsmacked mind.

Irina mentally said, _"Edward, we're here to assist you and then I will get Tanya out of your hair."_

"Bella, dear, I'm so sorry to hear about the unfortunate incident at the Thriftway. Are you ok?" Tanya sweetly asked.

"I'm fine, Tanya. Thank you for asking. The trip was going quite well right up there until the end." Bella paused.

Edward remained still as guilt washed over him. Of course he had managed to ruin a perfectly normal trip to the grocery store. As usual in his attempts to protect Bella, he ended up hurting her.

Bella fretted that she should have not done that last bit with the syrup. Tanya appeared worried. Bella gave the eldest Denali sister a glance indicating she was not going to say anything about her homework. She noticed a tiny nod and smile in return from Tanya.

Edward stared from one woman to the other. Watching.

"Bella, if I had a nickel for every time I've been caught completely naked in public, I'd have more money than that human Bill Gates." Tanya laughed. "Believe it or not you get used to it. Would you like me to go down there and strip to give the humans something else to discuss?"

Perhaps his cousin in her odd way might actually help Bella, Edward mused, as his bride laughed at Tanya's jest. Upon reflection, he conceded Tanya's point. She had probably been caught naked more than any vampire he knew. Most definitely, he could attest that she had made a distinct impression on the men in the club last night. Edward was not one to advocate public nudity, but if anyone could take people's minds off of the unfortunate incident, his cousin could handle the challenge.

"What possessed you to tear Bella's clothing off, Edward?" Tanya appeared the very picture of innocence. He gritted his teeth. Bella tensed.

"Bella had something," Edward stammered, "stuck to the seat of her pants. Others noticed. I, ah, attempted to remove it discreetly."

"How so?" Tanya wearing her angelic façade dug the blade in deeper while blocking her mind. He hated talking.

"I inadvertently tore her clothing. Bella, I am deeply sorry."

"What was on my pants?" Bella asked with a surprised tone.

"Honestly, I couldn't say," Edward smoothly replied.

Edward noticed Tanya's lips twitching.

Jasper said at vampire pitch, "You know she needs to know whatever it was, right? Women don't like not knowing details like that."

Mary Alice concurred, "He's right, Edward. Bella's imagination will take over."

Bella wanted this conversation to end soon. She was afraid her homework exercise could be revealed. "So you're telling me you tore my clothes off of me because I sat in something?" Bella's voice sounded incredulous and he winced. Then inspiration hit. "Actually, Edward that's kind of sweet."

"I forgot my strength. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?" Why was he always begging for her forgiveness? He truly did not deserve her.

"Of course Edward, you didn't mean to hurt me. Mistakes happen." Bella not-quite-smiled and patted his hand. If he had forgotten his strength, then her homework exercise had been a resounding success. She really couldn't complain now could she? Ok, she could. But she was still going to forgive him. She just could not go out in public until after the wedding. Or after that, either.

"Edward, do me a favor and sit next to me. You don't need to stay on your knees before me forever. I forgive you. Really. Um Tanya, I have a favor to ask?"

Tanya watched fascinated as Edward begrudgingly arose from his position on the floor and gracefully sat beside Bella on the bed. She noted that he immediately put his arm around Bella's shoulders. Tanya had never seen Edward so physically demonstrative before. She felt like she watched a creature in the wild. Irina and Kate were equally absorbed but better at hiding it.

"Yes, Bella, how may I serve you?" Tanya answered.

Bella said, "Well, I was wondering if you had a scarlet letter or two that I could borrow to sew to my clothes when I go out in public."

Tanya, Irina, and Kate actually giggled.

Tanya scoffed, "Scarlet letters are so seventeenth century. These days you have to do so much more than having torn pants to be branded by the public. I think you're safe, Bella. Unless you plan on débuting a sex tape on YouTube any time soon." Tanya wagged her eyebrows.

At the words "sex tape" Edward looked like he was going to go into convulsions with the effort he was making to maintain a composed demeanor. He stroked Bella's hair throughout but Tanya caught his hand shaking a time or two. How unusual.

'_He truly does not deserve that girl,'_ Tanya sanctimoniously aimed her perceptions so her cousin could hear. _'That poor child was instantly forgiving him for his brutish behavior.' _She noted Edward's reaction.

While blocking his mindreading ability, Tanya decided being nice to Bella had the advantage of further irritating the heck out of Edward. Irritating Edward while having the moral high ground was fast becoming her new favorite pastime.

"We have decided to stay in the hotel in Port Angeles. We find the view charming." Tanya said.

"Bella," Kate soothed, "This will soon be a memory. Let's get together tomorrow to chat. We'll do pedicures. It will be amusing. We'll see if we can do something to take your mind off of this." She beamed sweetly at Bella who offered a shy glance in response.

"Fine. But I want to bring Jane. I owe her a pedicure," Bella insisted.

Tanya could not possibly imagine what the legendary Jane would be doing spending time with Bella, but she was not about to admit that from her currently-blocked mind.

Edward felt relieved to hear that the Denali siblings would not be staying with them. He desperately wanted privacy to comfort Bella.

Irina elbowed her sister and said, "We'll take our leave now, Bella." Her voice warmed, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Tanya boldly winked at him on her way out the door, the demented woman. A voice in the back of his mind ordered him to keep an eye on her.

With smooth words, Alice and Jasper walked the Denali Sisters downstairs to visit with Carlisle, Carmen and Eleazar and his parents. On his way out, Jasper firmly shut the door to Edward's bedroom. Alice briefly stopped for a moment as a vision swept through her. She saw more visitors arriving soon. Honoring Bella's request, she carried the clothing downstairs and stuffed it into the fireplace and set it alight.

Edward said, "Love, I have to take care of something I'll be back."

He called out to Rosalie and Emmett to come into his room to keep Bella company. His siblings quickly arrived. Bella brightened at seeing them. He kissed her forehead and left the room.

Edward walked downstairs, and attempted to regain his composure. Despite being three floors below, his parents and their guests had heard every word of the recent conversation and he could hear a veritable chorus of perceptions. Esme's thoughts went out to Bella needing to comfort her. Carlisle suggested he give her a checkup. Carmen and Eleazar asked if they could help in any way. Tanya, Irina, and Kate enthusiastically offered their support.

Edward tried not to groan as he heard two separate vehicles pull into their driveway. Now was not the time for uninvited guests. With all the Volturi around, they had extra guards around the house. He texted them new directions and handed Bella's grocery list to Esme.

"Mother, could you please send someone to see to Bella's shopping list? I do not think it would be prudent if I went there at the moment."

"What was she shopping for?"

"She wanted to cook for Chief Swan."

To his surprise, Tanya and her sisters took it.

"Shopping is our favorite pasttime. Second favorite," Kate joked.

Irina promised, "Edward, we will have this done quickly. Have no fears."

They acted excited at the prospect of grocery shopping.

Hearing footsteps outside, Edward opened the front door to find an irate Charlie Swan. Behind him stood a confused delivery man holding a long box over his shoulder.

Armed and in uniform, Charlie barked, "I've come to investigate a report of my daughter being assaulted by you at the local Thriftway, Edward. Would you care to explain why my cell phone has been ringing off the hook for the past twenty minutes?"

Edward removed his hand from his coat pocket and took out the scrap of fabric from Bella's jeans. He handed it to Charlie wordlessly.

"What is a pasty doing on the seat of Bella's jeans?" Charlie tugged at it. "And how did it get stuck there?"

The delivery man interrupted, "I'm sorry about the family drama, but I'm here to deliver this stripper pole somebody ordered to be sent special delivery. Looks like I found the right place."

"Stripper pole?" Charlie spluttered. His eyes bugged out of his head. Chief Swan now had the vivid mental image of his daughter's clothes being torn off by Edward revealing a skimpy costume underneath. In the Thriftway, for crying out loud.

Aghast that a father could even mentally have such awkward and unjustified suspicions about his own child, Edward inwardly swore that Charlie had set new records for mental stupidity. He really should test that man's brain stem to see if he was evolution's missing link. I mean sure Edward intended on tearing Bella's clothing off at some point. But in public? Not unless she was on fire. And he'd remember to stop, drop, and roll first.

Chief Swan took a threatening step toward Edward, "Somebody start talking. Now!" He demanded. His hand moved to rest on his gun.

* * *

Please review, or Charlie might open fire. LOL

**Snarky Summary: Tanya seduces Jake. Sorta. Kinda. She definitely drugs him. So Edward kinda sorta tore Bella's clothes off and she's happy her homework was successful, not so happy that it worked in public. She's not a stripper. Well, she wasn't a stripper. I mean she has no intentions of ever stripping for anyone but Edward. Alone. Not like this. **

**The Volturi, Edward, and Bella have a consultation concerning lingerie. Jane sends her very best to Mike Newton. Bella freaks out on Edward. Tanya drops by the Cullen mansion to offer soothing words. Having heard of his daughter's ordeal, Charlie shows up armed and clueless wondering why that man just showed up with a stripper pole. **

**Didn't I tell you Tanya was fun? Huh? We'll have more fun with Tanya next chapter. I think you actually will really like what she does.**

**

* * *

**

**References:**

**The Scarlet Letter tells the story of a woman who had to wear one sewn to her clothing when she gave birth to an illegitimate child. It is a cool book by Nathanial Hawthorne:**

http:/www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/hawthorne/scarletletter/

Stop, Drop and Roll is a phrase I learned growing up in regards to fire safety:

http:/www (dot) ehow (dot) com/how_2273326_stop-drop-roll (dot) html

Mushrooms. Yeah. Don't eat these:

http:/faculty (dot) washington (dot) edu/chudler/mush (dot) html


	8. Shameless Hussy Part Two

**Chapter Five: Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy Part Two**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Many thanks to my awesome beta vjgm!**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing. And snark. **

**This chapter goes out to Quirkyalice who inspired the Emmett scenes.**

**I wanted to thank all of you who have reviewed. Your feedback is very much appreciated!**

**

* * *

**

The evening started out innocently enough - until his depraved mind and hands joined forces and ruined a simple trip the grocery store, Edward inwardly groused. Bella, poor sweet Bella, had been completely oblivious about her effect on her sexually frustrated fiancé. He swore she was trying to kill him when they were by the cucumber stall.

Of course, deviant that he was- his overactive mind had immediately plummeted straight to the gutter. And of course in his vivid fantasy she had changed from her shirt and jeans to skimpy lingerie. He didn't know what was more disturbing: the fact that he fantasized while she shopped unaware, or the fact that he fantasized about her partially clothed in a human grocery store. He would have to work on the whole fantasizing thing in general. If he was going to have depraved thoughts involving Bella then at least he could have her better dressed because privately it appalled Edward that the source material for his images had been borrowed from Newton – who had horrid taste in lingerie.

The feelings of lust that had swarmed through his system in the store before the unfortunate incident had been difficult to control. For a second, he had been tempted to scoop her up into his arms throw her over his shoulder and carry her out of the Thriftway like some kind of twenty-first century troglodyte. He'd experienced the desire to claim her as his own. He had lowered himself to backing away from her and watching her like some kind of drooling beast as she gamboled through the aisles shopping for her hapless Father.

He had tried to sway his thoughts from their untoward direction. One look at those innocent eyes – and he thought of all the reasons why she was precious and special and deserved the utmost care at his hands. Then she had gazed almost lustfully at the asparagus spears for a moment and his mind had once again been overwhelmed with primal urges. He could not figure out what about that particular vegetable captured her attention, Edward mused; they weren't even on her grocery list.

He longed one day to be able to understand the inner workings of her mind. Perhaps she had developed a new fondness for asparagus, although he could not remember them being on her list of favorite foods. Now that he thought about it more, Edward fretted; he had never seen her eat asparagus. How had he missed that? He made a mental vow to research her love of asparagus. Oh wait, someone was glaring at him and clearing his throat.

Edward realized he possibly needed to do something to calm Chief Swan.

One of the few things that Edward enjoyed about being a vampire were the supernatural abilities associated with speed and hearing. He and his family had the ability to carry out complete conversations in front of humans without the humans even being aware. They could move their lips so fast they appeared to mortal eyes to be still, and could pitch their voices at a frequency undetectable to humans. It was like child's play, really.

Edward used that trick to call to his Father to come outside and aid him in calming Charlie into a near coherent state. Sedatives might actually be necessary, he pondered the notion. He was tempted to practice his Vulcan pinch nerve movement on Charlie. Bella would never find out. Besides, Edward justified, life would certainly become awkward if Charlie actually shot him. He did not think Charlie would like his reaction.

Edward greeted Charlie with an impassive expression and rigid posture. In a formal tone he said, "Chief Swan, it is not what you think. I can explain."

"Son, you have no idea how it looks from my angle - you not being a mind reader and all." Charlie snapped. His face made his daughter's darkest blush appear pale. A vein popped in his forehead.

Charlie thought as he glared at the man holding the stripper pole box:

'_They aren't even married yet and Edward's buying her a stripper pole? I knew there was a reason I didn't like that Cullen kid. She tells me she's not having sex. And I believe my Bella. She's an awful liar. I can't figure out why he wouldn't be trying to sleep with her though. That's just not normal for that age. Maybe I should talk to Carlisle and see if the guy has issues. I mean they're not having sex and he's buying toys? And tearing her clothes off in public? I can't have Bella marrying someone who's sexually messed up. Or gay and using my daughter for cover.'_

Edward's brow crinkled. His nostrils flared.

"Sir, there's a completely innocent explanation for this unfortunate situation." Edward's tone almost sounded offended to Charlie's irate mind.

'_He tore my baby's clothes off her body in the Thriftway and he dares to talk back to me with that indignant look like he smells something bad? Is he nuts? I'm freaking armed. I've half a mind to shoot him. It just might improve my mood. It'll also save me having to walk her down the aisle at a wedding I know she's not ready for.'_

"If there is, why did I have to drive out here to discover it?" Charlie snarled.

"I sincerely apologize for not informing you immediately, sir. I know how important Bella's welfare is to you."

'_Uh-huh and what was he thinking letting me get five hysterical phone calls from distraught friends informing me that Bella had her clothes ripped off in a grocery store by her lust-crazed fiancé? And that Edward started stripping too, before Mrs. Newman stepped into stop him? And now I'm hearing that my baby is marrying a sex fiend and I catch him red-handed with a stripper pole? Seriously? How stupid does he think I am? How does he have a 4.0 GPA?'_

_Jesus, I really didn't need to know that she's wearing a scarlet thong. I now have to scrub my mind of my baby girl wearing butt floss. She never wore butt floss before she met this joker. He doesn't even look like he's into butt floss. Where does he get off looking so offended? He is the one who attacked my baby!'_

"Really, Edward, I'm all ears. I can't wait to hear it. Start talking. And while you're at it, I want to see my daughter to make sure she's not harmed." _'And that she's still wearing her butt floss,'_ Charlie mentally added.

Edward turned away from Charlie for a moment and hissed at vampire speed and frequency, "Father, please come out here before I maim my future father-in-law." He left unspoken the 'Now's your chance to make up for retreating in the face of battle last night,' part.

Carlisle emerged from the house at that moment, shook Charlie's hand and stood beside his son. With a pained expression, he said, "Good evening, Charlie. Bella is resting upstairs right now. She had a panic attack a little while ago." Sincerity beamed from him. He mentally asked Edward about Charlie's mental state.

While Charlie was looking suspiciously at Carlisle, Edward whispered to his Father at vampire speed and frequency, "Well, his thoughts range from wondering if I am a sex fiend to worrying that I am exploiting Bella in a strip club venture. I could use some assistance here before I kill him. Oh, and he now thinks you are in on our master plan to exploit my virgin bride as a stripper for the male population of Forks. Congratulations."

Charlie was even more confused. And Carlisle almost looked like he was smiling there for a second. What was up with that?

Edward added, "I hope you can appreciate that she's very upset at present and we have worked very hard to calm her."

Charlie continued his mental gymnastics:

'_Then again, Edward might look like a Muppet but he comes across as such a stick in the mud. Sometimes I feel like he's older than I am. Where does he get off lecturing me about my daughter's welfare? And why the hell wasn't he thinking about her emotions when he tore her clothes off in front of God and country? She's now the talk of the town and she hates being the center of attention. Now everyone is talking about her butt floss. Gah! Now he just made me remember she got caught wearing butt floss! For this joker.'_

Charlie tried not to show how startled he was when Edward suddenly met his eyes with a narrowed glance. He almost looked feral, Charlie swore. Too bad if he didn't like Charlie defending his baby. Charlie decided that it was a good thing that Carlisle had a firm grasp on Edward's arm. He'd hate to have to teach the boy some manners in front of his dad with the famous Swan right hook.

Carlisle thought to Edward, _"Why are you looking like you are about ready to murder the beleaguered human? What is he thinking?"_

The delivery man picked that unfortunate moment to once again open his mouth.

"This is a specialty stripper pole. I delivered one to a high end joint in Las Vegas just last week. Are you all opening up a club or something? This house looks just like the one in the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas! Man I can so see you turning it into a happening joint. Especially since you're out in the middle of nowhere. Lots of privacy, too. Wait till you see the features on this baby!" He lovingly stroked the box with affection and sounded eager as his gaze looked past Edward's shoulder.

"You're starting a club? I thought you were going to college? You're not even old enough to get a liquor license for crying out loud! What the hell is going on?" Charlie vented.

'_Oh God! Carlisle doesn't even look fazed. Clearly he's known something has been going on for a while and has never said a word. What if Edward's doing a strip joint for high schoolers? What if he's convinced Bella to start stripping at his new club? Could tearing her clothes off in public have been a trial run for a career in stripping?'_

'_Maybe that's why she's been so cagey about college? Now I'm wondering if she even applied to Dartmouth. She was so out of it last year when they left. She never studied for the SAT's. But she still acts so innocent. I'm wondering if he's trying to make more money off of her having her strip as a virgin. Now I have you figured out, Edward freaking Cullen. You can't pull one over on Charlie Swan. Well, I'll….'_

There went that damn lip twitch thing again.

Carlisle thought to Edward, _"Son, I know you do not like talking. But I need you to please explain to me why Charlie is turning that particular shade of red? I wonder if I need to examine him for high blood pressure? And a possible heart attack? Perhaps both?"_

In a tone dripping with acid, Edward muttered at vampire pitch, "Thanks to Rosalie's most recent purchase, Chief Swan believes that I am opening a strip club and running it out of the house. Oh, and Bella is being taught to strip by yours truly. Apparently, I am going to make more money off of her, in Charlie's mind, because she is a virginal stripper. And clearly he has figured out we are not going to Dartmouth. We are doomed." He had to credit Carlisle with impressive control. He managed to not laugh while standing before the spluttering elder Swan.

Edward gritted his teeth when he heard Rosalie whisper from inside the house that he was welcome for the entertainment she was currently providing at his expense.

Carlisle decided he needed to pull out the big guns because he was apparently not having much of an effect on Charlie despite his gift. At vampire speed and frequency he whispered, "Tanya? We require a little assistance here."

Edward gulped. Adding Tanya to an already tense situation sounded as appealing as lighting a match in a gas-filled room. He hissed at vampire speed to his Father, "Magnificent. Why don't you just take his gun and shoot me yourself?"

The Denali sisters exited the house. Tanya mischievously grinned at Edward. She strutted up to Charlie, and lifted the scrap of Bella's jeans from his hand. Chief Swan stood there and gawped. Edward actually felt a smidgen of sympathy for Charlie in that moment. He glared at Tanya over Charlie's head.

"Wow Edward, thank you for finding this. I've been looking for it everywhere." She exclaimed. She turned to the delivery man and said, "Second floor, third door on the right. Hurry love, and you might get a special reward from the blonde upstairs who is almost as pretty as me."

He headed toward the house glassy-eyed as she caressed his face. She gave him a quick pinch on the behind as he passed. He all but sprinted indoors, hurtling over the boxwood hedges on his way to the front door.

Carlisle hoped Rosalie stuck to her perfect record and did not kill the human. Tanya was devilish when inspired. And she certainly seemed to be hearing the muses at the moment.

Edward rolled his eyes at Carlisle's assessment and imagined the reaction that Rosalie would have to the delivery man. Tanya's devious words indicated she was positively inspired today to wreck mass hilarity on the family. _Drat, there goes Charlie thinking again. _

As he gazed upon Tanya and her sisters, Charlie felt befuddled. _'When did Bella start hanging around with strippers? When did Dr. Cullen start letting groups of strippers into his house? Was my baby girl marrying into a family of strippers? I could totally see Rosalie stripping. And Jasper too, now that I thought about it. The boy was too pretty in a girly kind of way. Ladies like Mrs. Cope would go wild for him.'_ On that note, Charlie wondered, _'Maybe Edward was stripping, too. Maybe that's why they all left town so suddenly in the middle of the night last year. Did they have a close call and come back when the coast was clear? Did they go to Alaska for advanced stripper training? Wait, what if the close call happened again? Were they planning on just leaving again? Was that why they were rushing into marriage? Did someone find out the Cullen kids all stripped?'_

Edward's lips did that spasm thing again that Charlie hated. He turned his head to the side for a moment, and stared to his left.

At vampire frequency Edward said, "Tanya you owe me for last night. Bella's father is the police chief and he thinks that the entire family does stripping on the side because of the stripping pole and the unfortunate incident with Bella. I expect your aid. Now." Edward glared at Tanya and turned back to face Charlie.

Tanya had never heard Edward give an order. He was awfully cute.

She cooed, "Oh, Chief Swan, I'm Dr. Tanya Denali. These are my sisters, Irina and Kate." She ran her free arm up his right shoulder in a lingering caress.

"Doctor? So you practice medicine like Carlisle?" Charlie asked and glanced at Carlisle for help. He was trying to ignore that arm of Tanya's and appear professional.

'_Maybe she's the urologist Edward clearly needs to see. What's up with that snorting noise he keeps making? And something seems strange about her and her sisters. There's no way they're related by blood. Tanya's a strawberry blonde – if that hair color is real and Irina is taller and blonder and that Kate is dark. They look like they just stepped out of a painting or something. Mom would have said they all have faces that look like they were born in the wrong time. Yeah, that's it.'_

"No, I practice medicine of a different sort on the senses. I have my Ph.D. in psychology and specialize in sexual dysfunctions." She leaned into Charlie and breathed on him placing special emphasis on the word "sexual." "I'm also a certified instructor in a new form of exercise called Strippercize. Rosalie has been my latest student. I thoroughly enjoy teaching her one-on-one. She's so devoted and limber."

Charlie's eyes glazed over momentarily with a brief vision of girl-on-girl stripping before he shook himself out of his vamp-induced dazzle, "Beg pardon ma'am, but what does that have to do with Bella?"

She couldn't be telling him that she was treating Bella for a sexual dysfunction. Unless you considered virginity a sexual dysfunction. Now that he thought about it, the fact that Edward hadn't tried to seduce his daughter probably meant _he_ was seeking treatment from Tanya. Charlie wondered for a moment if Tanya could read his thoughts. She had this knowing glint of amusement in her eye. And Edward looked like he just swallowed a flock of gnats. Tanya's talking distracted Charlie from Edward's odd behavior.

"I decided as a little joke on Edward to crash his bachelor party last night to show Emmett just what his new wife was learning. Emmett, the big lug, was so excited about it he ordered the stripper pole for their bedroom last night. And I'm afraid Bella's predicament is my fault. She had lunch with me and my sisters Kate and Irina this afternoon in my hotel suite. I left my costume from last night out on the dresser. Bella sat on the dresser." Every word she uttered was actually true. Oh the irony.

"But how did it get glued on her jeans like this?" Charlie tugged at the immovable pasty. He tried to ignore his shock that Emmett and Rosalie were married. When did that happen? Jeez! Tanya was talking again, and leaning on him.

"Yes, Tanya, I would love to hear that explanation. Do tell," Edward muttered at vampire frequency.

Tanya batted her eyelashes at Edward and gave a slight smirk as she leaned toward Charlie. "I hope I don't embarrass you by telling you this, but I use a special type of adhesive with these," Tanya said in a sultry tone. She removed a vial of liquid from her purse and poured it over the jeans and tugged gently at the pasty, which instantly came off in her hand. "The adhesive stays on no matter what until I put this liquid on it. I need them to be, how shall I phrase this, waterproof when I wear pasties. Sometimes stripping gets a little wet, if you know what I mean. Sometimes the clients like to use their mouths to show their appreciation." She offered a view of her cleavage, moistening her lips with the tip of her tongue.

Trying not to obviously stare at her glorious bounty, Charlie was flummoxed. It all made perfect sense when she told it like that, he thought fervently.

"So how did she end up getting her clothes torn at the store? And why am I being told that you were stripping?" Charlie growled at Edward.

"Bella bent over to reach something off a bottom shelf. I saw that she had part of Tanya's costume attached to her clothing. Half the people at the store had been at the party the night before."

Charlie started to understand. "Go on."

"I panicked because I did not want her to be mocked. I tried to be quick in tearing it off. I was horrified when her pants tore in my hands. I immediately covered her with my jacket."

"Well that makes sense. What then?" Charlie still sounded angry.

"We left the store as quickly as possible. I did not call you immediately because I have been with Bella trying to apologize to her and help her deal with her panic attack. Again, I am so sorry that my thoughtlessness ended up hurting your daughter." Edward looked pitiful, Charlie concluded.

Charlie listened to Edward's flawless explanation but was still suspicious. _'And what's up with someone with a Ph.D. who is as gorgeous as Tanya volunteering as a stripper?'_

Edward tried not to show any reaction as Charlie's mind wrapped around the mental image of Tanya as a stripper.

'_She looked like she would also strip for free at church on Sunday - she got such a kick out of it. That one was all about getting attention from men.'_ Charlie mentally snorted.

Edward seemed to choke all of a sudden.

Carlisle pretended to cough into his hand and said at vampire speed behind his closed fist, "Tanya, you might want to show some restraint. You might give the poor man a heart attack."

On that note, Emmett and Jasper emerged from the house. Charlie gave both a good long look trying to imagine them as strippers. Edward again started that lip twitch thing. His brothers gazed from Charlie to Edward to Tanya and her smirking sisters in confusion.

Turning away from Charlie's line of sight, Jasper whispered, "What the heck is up with him? Beyond, of course, his obvious outrage on behalf of Bella."

Edward turned away and responded at vampire speed and pitch, "Oh, Charlie believes you and Emmett are professional strippers. Look pouty at him now. It'll seal the mental image. Thanks for having Rose order that stripper pole, Emmett. And as usual impeccable timing on its delivery. Way to go on making my future father-in-law loathe me even more."

It almost seemed like there was some kind of secret wordless conversation going on between them with lots of long silent looks. Charlie decided to find out about the stripper pole.

"So mind if I ask who is the new owner of the stripper pole?" Charlie glared at them.

Emmett couldn't figure out Rosalie's most recent purchase would be any of Charlie's business but decided that he needed to be careful or Edward might kill him. Edward had that whole poker face look working which never indicated good things. And Carlisle nodded at him to answer. _Oh well, here goes nothing._

"Uh, yes, Charlie. Rosie and I are newlyweds. You know how that is. Rosie wanted one, and what my Rosie wants my Rosie gets."

Emmett had the grace to look bashful. _'Impressive acting that.' _Edward thought snarkily. _'Wait, I think he actually batted his eyelashes at Charlie. Ye gads he is such a ham. The audacious bastard.'_

"So, she's not doing this as some kind of new profession, is she?" Charlie barked.

Emmett's eyes widened and he gasped, "Only if stripping for me every night in the privacy of our bedroom is considered a new profession. What would ever make you think I'd let my Rose do that for a living? She's my wife and I respect her, you know?"

Carlisle added in a cautious tone, "Charlie, surely you must be joking. You know I would never raise my children to do that. Emmett and Rosalie are married and over the age of eighteen. What they do in the privacy of their bedroom is their business."

Emmett acted confused. "Why would something that me and my wife bought get you that upset? Oh!" The penny dropped. "You seriously thought that Eddie had bought a stripper pole for Bella?" Emmett laughed heartily. Then he doubled over and laughed some more. He managed to clap Charlie on the back and said, "Oh Chief Swan, you're killing me. Seriously."

Charlie sulked, "I fail to see the humor in that scenario, son. We're talking about my baby girl."

Emmett's mirth seemed contagious as even Carlisle had a grin on his face and the Denali sisters tittered in the background. Jasper, of course, only added fuel to the fire expanding everyone's sense of humor. Charlie wasn't laughing, but he had calmed down enough that he couldn't figure out why he was grinning. And he had stopped stroking his gun and fantasizing about shooting Edward.

Emmett looked at Charlie and blurted, "Um, Chief Swan, no offense but would you mind looking, really looking at Edward?"

Charlie turned and stared at Edward. The messy-haired Cullen boy looked down his nose as usual radiating his typical uptight vibe. "What am I supposed to be looking at, Emmett?"

"Well, it's like this, Chief Swan, right beside the dictionary entry for sexually repressed virgins is Edward's mug shot. I mean seriously, look at him. Does he look like he's had any action in the last century?" Emmett chucked a fist under Edward's chin gently. Edward did a double take at his brother and glared, fuming in ire.

At that comment, Charlie noted Edward looked like he wanted the earth to open and swallow him whole. It was nice seeing him squirm for once, the snot-nosed weasel.

Edward whispered to his brothers at vampire frequency and speed, "Fine. Go ahead and humiliate me. I swear by all that is holy I will get you back for this."

Emmett whispered right back, "Um Dude, you ripped Bella's pants off in the Thriftway in front of the Volturi AND the Newtons AND Jessica Stanley. Way to go humiliating her in front of the axis of evil, grasshopper. And now you're whining about being teased in front of Charlie? By all rights he should be using your sorry ass for target practice, Eddie my boy." Edward could hear snorting from the vampires present. His Mother's chortling from inside the house just made it all that much worse.

Alice added "Preach it, Emmett!" at a rate that only vampire ears could hear.

Edward was aghast. Clearly Emmett felt the need to speak rather than think that particular thought just to up the squirming factor on his part. Jasper talking to Charlie distracted him from his mental rant as he watched his brother employ his gift on the police officer.

Charlie realized belatedly he may have overreacted a bit. For some reason he was in a chipper mood. Edward seemed like he wanted to swallow a pond full of frogs rather than stand there a moment longer...maybe that was why he was grinning at the smug bastard. For once, he took pity on the boy. He might be an arrogant ass, but Charlie did have to admit that the kid did have it bad for Bella. Finally he muttered, "Sorry folks, things have just been so chaotic here I might have had the wrong idea."

Emmett beamed and clapped Charlie on the shoulder. "No worries, Chief Swan. So Tanya, we heard you wanted to run errands. Do you mind if we come with?"

Tanya and her sisters looked positively delighted. They were eager to go shop for Bella.

"I'll even drive. I know you'll love the jeep." Emmett was bouncing up and down in his eagerness to go see the grocery store. He looked like an overgrown child in that moment.

"Of course, Emmett. Thank you so much for offering to be our escort." Tanya purred.

"He's not the only one who's coming," Rosalie sauntered out of the house. "Hello, Chief Swan." She gave him her most virtuous smile. And blinked.

Charlie felt guilty for thinking that she was a professional stripper. Clearly, he was becoming a pervert in his old age. He greeted Rosalie.

"Hello yourself Rosalie. How's Bella doing?"

Rosalie's face became guarded. "She's resting right now. She's had a very bad hour. We're going to go and do some errands for her to make her feel better."

Esme came outside and joined the discussion. She had oven mitts in her hands. "Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Carlisle where are your manners? Did any of you think to invite Charlie inside?" She looked aghast. "Charlie, could we invite you to dinner? I made lasagna. We have plenty."

Charlie's cell phone rang. He grumbled when he realized it was the station. He took the call. His face fell.

"I'm sorry Esme, but I have to go answer a call. Thank you for your invitation. Please have Bella call me when she wakes up."

With a nod at Edward, Charlie turned and walked back to his cruiser. He noticed the Denali sisters passing Edward. The blonde man-eater winked at Edward as she walked by him. Charlie smothered a laugh as he saw Edward stiffen slightly with a pained expression. Clearly, she hadn't figured out that he was not interested, Charlie thought. Well, at least that's one thing in his favor. He fiddled with the keys.

Tanya and her sisters decided to take their leave since Charlie seemed calm. Tanya turned, kissed everyone goodbye, and blew a kiss at Chief Swan telling him just how much she enjoyed meeting him. She couldn't help but look over her shoulder and give Charlie her second-best smoldering glance. Her eyes implied she might like some one-on-one time with him later. And his gun. The other one. Charlie blushed to the scalp and slid into the cruiser and slammed the door and drove away red-faced. Tanya mentally laughed thinking that the apple didn't fall far from the tree in that family.

She couldn't wait to visit the grocery store again. Finding the syrup last night had been so much fun. She had particularly enjoyed her session with the stock boys. And she couldn't wait to put the case of syrup she had bought last night to good use. Maybe she needed to pay a personal visit to that Ben Cheney. She couldn't get his dewy eyes out of her mind. And she had to pay him back for the comment about her breasts. Tanya started plotting as Emmett's jeep raced away from the house to the Thriftway. Her cell phone chirped with an incoming text. She read it and grinned wickedly. As inspiration struck she started laughing. Her sisters looked on amused.

Rosalie curled her lip and said, "Tanya, I fail to see what is so funny. Bella is distraught."

"Oh, I know" Tanya looked sad for a moment, "But I've just come up with a plan. Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Yes," they both answered in unison.

"Get us to the store as fast as you can. And no matter what I do, just go along with it. Demetri just texted me and said everyone who matters is still at the store. Apparently, our girl Bella caused quite the stir so the humans are standing around gossiping about it like nervous hens. We can't have that. I think I know just how to fix this problem."

"Oh, and Emmett?" Tanya trilled.

"Yes, Tanya?"

"This is the first time I've ever done something in public with a man as my cohort who wasn't my lover. Let's face it, I'm a virgin. You have to promise to be gentle with me, do what I ask you to, respect me when it's over and maybe Rose will actually cuddle you afterwards since she'd tear me from limb to limb me if I tried."

Roaring with laughter, Emmett floored the accelerator and had them at the store in two minutes. As he pulled the jeep handily into a parking slot and yanked the parking brake, he turned around and looked at the Denali sisters. "I'm so game if it involves screwing with Newton."

Tanya was getting all kinds of excited just thinking about her plan. This was going to be so much fun. Her sisters wore identical grins. They knew that look oh so well. Tanya frowned for a moment thinking of Bella's suffering. She decided she would make it up to her with an extra special tutorial the next day. By the time she was done schooling Bella Swan at the art of seduction, Edward would be toast. Which totally seemed fair. Tanya could hardly wait.

* * *

Please review!

**References:**

**The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is a movie with Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds: **

**http:/www (dot) imdb (dot) com/title/tt0083642/**

**And Strippercize is not a figment of Tanya's imagination. Or mine: **

http:/cbs13 (dot) com/seenon/Strippercize (dot) Better (dot) Body (dot) 2 (dot) 485409 (dot) html


	9. Shameless Hussy Part Three

AN: This chapter contains a salute to Twilightzoner the author of the wonderful Midnight Desire in the first and third sections. I love what Twilightzoner did with the Monster device and have to salute such fiendish creativity with satire. I am only borrowing the device for the purposes of tribute in this chapter, and informed her about it prior to posting. If you want to see it done to perfection, however, you should see the original. If you haven't checked out Midnight Desire – hurry and go read it. Right now.

All hail to my beta vjgm!

Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing!

Many thanks to those of you who have been kind enough to review.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. And the Monster belongs to Twilightzoner. So there.

* * *

**Indecent Exposure at the Thriftway on Aisle Three: Shameless Hussy – Part Three**

While events were unfolding at the Cullen house, the atmosphere in the Thriftway store buzzed with gossip. Only half an hour had elapsed since Bella and Edward's now infamous incident. The entire store stayed full of people talking about what they had witnessed or thought they had seen. And perhaps a shopper or two had been guilty of exaggerating a few tiny details.

Mike Newton was bored now wondering when he could leave. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible and work on a new exotic fantasy starring Bella in his bathroom. That desire competed with the small voice in his head that felt guilty. He was such a perv. He knew Bella was shy and this had to be embarrassing. But he would never tell anyone else. Right? And he knew if he texted her, "Hey, sorry about seeing your ass in the store. U ok?" that would hardly help her. Besides, for all he knew, Bella might not know he had seen anything. So it would be better to play dumb.

When his Mother had recounted her story for the ninth time to another shopper and had turned to Mike for confirmation of her version of the events, Mike had shrugged his shoulders and said, "I dunno Mom. I didn't see what you saw." As they wandered away, Mike whispered to his Mother, "Bella is my friend. Do you think telling the entire town about her is going to help her? Cullen is way too uptight to have done that on purpose." He decided after he blurted those words that he must still be drunk from last night. He never backtalked to his Mom.

"I thought you said you didn't see anything." Mrs. Newton was not amused.

"Just because you're gossiping doesn't mean I have to add to it." His mother sucked in a breath and then ignored him while reaching for her ringing cell phone. Whatever. He needed a drink. Or two.

Tanya wasn't done with Edward at all. But she realized - thanks in part to a discreetly timed elbow or two from each of her sisters - that she needed to fix the damage she had caused earlier with her pesky pasty prank. _Who knew humans were so sensitive?_ Accompanied by Rosalie and Emmett, the Denali Sisters waltzed into the Thriftway's doors.

They were about to make Forks history. Tanya smiled in anticipation. Oh, the fun she planned on having. _Mmm mmm mmm. Decisions decisions._..a playful grin slowly spread across her stunning face. A stock boy shelving tripped over his feet and fell to the floor after doing a double-take at the immortal women. Tanya waved her fingertips at him and blew him a kiss.

"Well aren't you just the cutest thing." She trilled and offered him a high watt smile.

He crawled away on all fours, trying to collect the bags of marshmallows he had strewn across the aisle in his fall. Attempting to do that and stare at Tanya was proving to be a challenge. For the entire store as well.

The Denali sisters invented the term "stopping traffic." Emmett grabbed a cart. They gathered around the list and attempted to decipher Bella's handwriting. Rosalie gulped. She had no idea where you could find frozen boneless chicken breasts in the human store.

"I got this, Rosie," Emmett insisted, "piece of cake. Jasper and I have gone shopping with Mother a lot lately. It's that way." He gestured toward the far side of the store.

"Emmett, dear," Tanya whispered at vampire pitch, "we need you to simply push the cart. Pretend like you don't know where anything is."

"Got it. Acting stupid now."

Emmett and Rosalie helped the Denali sisters gather the things on Bella's short list. It took them a while to figure out what chicken bouillon was, but that was half the fun. They kept the store employees and other shoppers entertained by asking them for help and having them personally show them to the shelves where the items could be found.

Tanya wore a black pencil skirt and a prim white blouse that made her look like a naughty librarian. The stiletto heels with black stockings that had a seam running up the back of her long legs appeared to garner quite a bit of attention from the male population in the store, which vied with the view of her posterior with the other section, which in turn competed for attention from her bust line. Her sisters were dressed in similar skirts with jewel toned tops. She and her sisters made sure they had all eyes on them as they bent over to retrieve items from the shelves, or played with their hair as they greeted other shoppers. Irina shocked the whole family. She actually smiled.

Despite her friendly façade, Irina seethed over Tanya's foolish stunt. When Tanya had recounted her plans, this had not been explained. Irina had been under the mistaken impression that her sister had planned a minor joke on Edward. The only thing, aside from their audience, that kept her from yanking her sibling out into the parking lot and letting her have it was the guilt she glimpsed lurking unacknowledged in the gold of Tanya's eyes. _Poor Bella, she looked so frail. It was no wonder Edward had not had Carlisle turn her. _

Kate could not remember the last time she had seen a human stand up to her sister and win. She hoped they could repair the damage that Tanya had inflicted. _Gods, everyone probably thinks Irina and I were in on it all along. _Kate was not going to rat out her sister, but she certainly was not going to help her continue tormenting that poor child. Tanya's fixation on Edward needed to be put to rest once and for all. She could tell from Irina's face that she planned on giving their sibling the lecture of her life as soon as they were alone. Kate almost felt sorry for Tanya. Irina's temper scared everyone.

Rosalie played the virginal part, watching wide-eyed as the Denalis frolicked with gleeful abandon through the store. She remembered the pasty had been on Tanya's dresser and also recalled Bella had perched on the top of it. _"I should have noticed it, and this whole thing could have been prevented."_ Rosalie also smelled a rat as she watched the interplay between the Denali sisters. Something clearly was up between the three of them. She texted a quick message to Alice to check on Bella. Rosalie did not bother to text or call Bella. She knew her well enough to know she had her phone off.

Tanya blasted her power at every male she saw, winking at one every now and then. This had the effect of sparking raging lust in the men, and fanning the flames of jealousy in the women near them. Tanya and her sisters adored every minute of it.

Irina whispered to Rosalie, "Go find the security system and disable the cameras. Take Emmett with you."

Rosalie nodded, took her husband, and plotted on shorting out the camera system. She knew with the Volturi in the store they had probably already handled it but it couldn't hurt to check. As expected, they found that Alec had made the store's security guard fall asleep in front of his monitor and stood guard at the door. They lifted the sleeping guard into a corner, quickly deleted all the tapes of the day, and turned the system off. Giving Alec a polite nod, they returned to the store to blend in with the rest of the customers.

Marcus, Aro, and Carlisle stood in the card section bitterly arguing over what constituted an appropriate card for the human wedding. Aro wanted to get a birthday card because he liked the glitter on the paper. Marcus, bless his heart, had managed to find a lovely greeting card that was perfect for a wedding and tasteful as well. Caius insisted that Edward needed a sympathy card since he would soon be turning his wife and would need all the help he could get with her personality once she was a newborn. Everyone knew that newborns were hard to handle, he repeated three times.

Rosalie suggested buying all three. The human shoppers kept their distance at the cloaked figures wearing sunglasses indoors. The Volturi guards looked upon Rosalie with adoration as the quarrel ended.

Tanya winked at Felix in passing. She moved onto the rest of the store as she realized she had impressions she still needed to make. The eldest Denali patted Demetri on the behind as she walked past him. He looked like the cat that had eaten the canary.

She whispered in Italian, "Later, my prince."

After causing much chaos amongst the store employees, as they paid for their food, the Denali sisters scanned the store looking for a target. Tanya's eyes fell upon Mike Newton standing in the produce section glaring at his mother looking sullen and bored.

'_Well_,' she thought, '_we'll have to help him out with that attitude.'_

Mrs. Newton yammered on the phone a few feet away about Esme Cullen and her lack of parenting. Tanya left the basket in Rosalie's hands and whispered with a malicious smile, "Wait right here. I need to go play."

Emmett, sensing their plan, decided to loudly announce to Rose that they had forgotten an item on the list and he would be right back with it. He circled around to the back of the store and grabbed a dozen of Angela's favorite flowers from the floral section. _'Nobody dissed his Ma,'_ Emmett thought. _'Besides, Edward said they needed to get flowers for Angela since she had helped Bella earlier.'_ And that gave Emmett another divine moment of inspiration.

Tanya noted a dark-haired human girl staring at Mike Newton possessively from a few feet away and decided that must be the girlfriend. She remembered from talking to Jacob that Mike's girlfriend was a notorious gossip. Tanya smirked as she saw the girl had purchased feminine hygiene products, KY Jelly - the warming kind, and three boxes of condoms.

_Hmm, this presents a golden opportunity for mischief. This is going to be so much fun_! All three Denalis wore identical sexy smirks as they sauntered through the store. Tanya once again let her power loose and unleashed the fires of lust.

Tanya listened to Mrs. Newton natter on with distaste. Instantly, she decided to kill two birds with one stone. No one should talk about Esme like that.

Mike smirked as he gazed at Tanya. She couldn't help regretting that she hadn't ripped his throat out last night, the smug little bastard. What she had planned for him actually was far worse. She lit up at the idea and smiled widely at Mike.

Newton gulped and broke out in a cold sweat. Tanya tried to keep her face impassive as he broke wind. His eyes darted around to see if anyone noticed. Jessica looked like her eyes were going to explode out of her head as Tanya approached Mike with her sisters at her side. Jessica's mouth made a "no" shape but not a sound came out of her.

Mike Newton thought he was truly in the ninth ring of Dante's hell as he tried to adjust himself and hid behind the full grocery cart stuffed with his Mother's oversized purse. He couldn't figure out why he suddenly had such a raging hard on. Mike's nickname as a child had been "cookie monster" and he had hated it. As a way of showing just how all grown up he was now, he had nicknamed a certain part of himself, "Mike the Monster." He liked to think that he and Mike the Monster were soul mates. They talked often. Usually about Bella. And Mike Newton wanted to have another personal chat with his monster after what he had witnessed.

Bella had already left the store and he felt so horny it sent him off on a mental tangent reminiscing about last night at the club. His mother would not get off the phone and stop caterwauling about Bella and Edward. So far she had called Esme Cullen, Chief Swann, and even Dad. Now she was on the phone with Jessica's Mother. Mike desperately wanted to get out of the store. He couldn't wait to get alone and try out his newest fantasy of Bella. This one by far was the best. Mike the Monster had given it his seal of approval as he danced around the cart and blew kisses at him. Mike the Monster liked his creativity.

In his fantasy, Bella danced for him in the store offering him seductive glances over her shoulder as she started to sway in time with the music. She performed a striptease for him in front of the rest of the store as the other customers looked on in awe at Mike's sexual power over her. Bella crooned to him that this show was just for him and that she had to have him right now and didn't care who was watching.

Mike's Fantasy Edward stood sullenly in a corner wiping tears out of his eyes at seeing Mike win the girl once and for all. Mike wasn't sure how the crowds of photographers and paparazzi had arrived at the store, but he could hear the flashes of the cameras lovingly recording every second of his escapade with the lovely Miss Swan.

Bella of his fantasy was slightly different than Bella in real life, but Mike liked to think that his artistic mind had improved on the original. Her hair was longer, her lips were fuller, and of course, he had made her breasts bigger. Much bigger. Bella of his fantasy had gazangas the size of small watermelons. And she liked to wear lingerie Mike remembered from Fredericks of Hollywood. He had a thing for the trashy-looking stuff.

Bella of his dreams slowly removed her scarlet thong and threw it casually behind her as she moved toward Mike like a panther. It sailed through the air and landed on Edward's perfect hair. She ripped off her engagement ring and tossed it behind her as well standing proud in naked splendor as she eagerly threw herself into Mike's arms.

Fantasy Mike immediately planted a slow wet kiss on Bella of his dreams' lips and made his lips travel down her creamy chest towards those 44 HH breasts. Ok, so Bella of his fantasies had breasts so large she could barely stand straight; but Mike wasn't going to let his practicality interfere with his imaginary woman.

Mike looked over at Edward and pulled his lips away from Bella's perfect pink nipples long enough to say, "Cullen, do me a favor and save those panties, I want to add them to my growing collection."

Edward stood glaring knowing that Mike had won the day. Jessica whined that she wanted her turn with Mike. It wasn't fair that Bella got to go first. Why was she _always_ the second? Did Mike mind a threesome, she shouted, as she started to tear off her clothing.

Mike couldn't figure out how Motley Crue's _Girls Girls Girls_ started blaring through the store considering it was like his Dad's kind of music - but hey, it worked with his fantasy and he was not going to complain about the details. He had no idea how stripper poles with bust line enhanced Rosalie and Alice twirling around them stark naked had appeared in the Thriftway either.

But it was his fantasy and he was running with it. It was good to be Mike Newton, he shouted in his mind. Mike the Monster saluted him with a thumbs up while leering at a woman walking nearby.

In Mike's fantasy he had just reached the interesting part where he was surrounded by naked women begging for him when reality intruded into his mind. He noticed that Mike the Monster was no longer content to encourage – he had once again had come out to play. He really needed to get out of the Thriftway. Now.

"Mom," he whined.

"Hush dear. Can't you see this is important?" His mother snapped in return. She resumed ranting on her cell phone.

_What about my needs?_ Mike the Monster nodded in agreement, whispering suggestions into his ear of what they should do once they got home. Mike the Monster now had turned to threats. He told Mike if he did not leave the store soon; there would be hell to pay.

Mike the Monster pointed to Tanya and started shrieking in merriment. He jumped up and down in delight. _That, Mike the Monster bellowed is one freaking hot bitch._ _She was much more fun that the silly fantasy Bella girl with the impossibly fake boobs,_ Mike the Monster crowed. _Anyway, she is right there in front of us in real life licking her perfect bow-shaped lips. At Mike. And Mike the Monster._ Her eyes slowly caressed his form. Mike the Monster said her lips were made to stroke his length.

Mike couldn't help but fervently agree. His muse was fucking brilliant. He should listen to him more often he decided as Tanya approached. Who needed Bella Swan? They were friends anyway, and he probably should not think about her like that. He needed to move on as he bid _adieu_ to Fantasy Bella. Mike had greener pastures to roam.

Mike stood up straighter. _Now that's more like it. I impressed Edward's cousin last night. I should spank women more often. Now they're hunting me down in stores! _He preened.

He stood up taller, sucked in his gut, and licked his lips nervously. Then he smoothed his spiky hair with one hand. He had to look his best for his girl. His new girl. And her hot sisters. Hey maybe they were into foursomes? Mike the Monster performed jumping jacks of glee. Mike Newton's brain couldn't wrap around that much hotness as he gawped at the Denali sisters. Funny, they kind of looked like they were cats; they glided toward him so gracefully. He could swear he heard something growling. The short hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention. For a second, he feared he might puke again, since he was still hung over.

Mrs. Newton was in a heated discussion with Mrs. Stanley and for the life of her never understood how people could move that fast. Everything seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.

Tanya caressed Mike's face and placed a full kiss on his startled lips. _He performs with all the enthusiasm of a rag doll. _She ran her tongue along his lower lip. _We'll also have to do something about that foul breath_.

Irina ran her hand down Newton's shoulders and firmly squeezed his almost indented backside. _'He could use a few hours at the gym,'_ she scoffed mentally. She was having a hard time finding something to grab back there. She had never met a man with a concave ass.

From his angle of observation five feet away, Erik Yorkie whispered that grocery store shopping was highly underrated entertainment. _This is too funny._ He took out his cell phone and started filming. _I can't wait to get this up on my web page._ And there was someone he needed to send the clip to, he crowed. Mike was going to thank him one day.

Despite having one of his deepest fantasies involving a lovely woman coming true, Mike froze in shock because none of them had involved making out in front of his Mom. His brain turned to mush. He emitted a high-pitched squeak while being kissed that caused people from two rows away to laugh. Worse, he jerked away when fondled by Irina and smashed his nose against the lovely blonde stripper from last night. He had a vague memory of spanking her and her loving every minute of it. Tanya quickly stepped away from him wearing a sultry smile. _Yep, she was definitely into being spanked he gushed. Come to Daddy! _The strangest squeaking noises came from his lips.

Mike embodied the very picture of uncool as he stood there squawking. From behind, Kate ran her arms down his chest and stopped at his belt trailing a hand lower to his – oh my God…. She fondled the Monster! No, she did not! But she did! She gave the monster a firm tug! Mike the Monster peered at the women around him and fainted.

Tanya yanked open Mike's Oxford shirt tearing all the buttons off in the process and scattering them across the store, sounding like dropped change. Irina's fingers slowly wound their way down the front of his almost hairless chest to the waist of his pants. With the flick of her wrist, his pants tore and lay in a pile at his feet. Mike now stood wearing nothing but a torn button down shirt, black socks and shoes, and boxers that had "Sexy Beast" written in red letters accompanied by lipstick marks. Across the front of his waistband in large black letters the words "Ten Inches of Glory" shouted.

The crowd in the store gasped and then giggled when they saw Mike's boxers. Tanya smirked in triumph, and wordlessly held out a hand to her sister Irina. Always one to amp up the drama, Irina took a crisp dollar bill and offered it gleefully to her sister. With a flourish, she snapped the bill between her hands to show the freshness of the paper.

Tanya took the dollar and stuffed it slowly into the waistband of Mike's boxers. She snapped the elastic of his underwear after depositing the bill. Mike yelped and reached for his abdomen, curling in fear. At that moment, Kate spanked him lightly just loud enough for a smack to resound through the store.

"Manners, Mr. Newton," Tanya chided shaking her index finger at him as if he were a naughty schoolboy.

Mike's Mother had dropped her cell phone in horror. As it landed, the speakerphone option activated.

Mrs. Stanley, on the other end of the line, prattled, "What is going on? You've gone all quiet. I swear I can hardly believe what you are saying. Edward has always been a perfect gentleman whenever I have seen him. And I know he adores Bella. That poor girl. This had to be an accident. I had better call Charlie as soon as we get done talking."

Oblivious, Mrs. Stanley chattered full steam ahead worrying about poor Bella.

The shoppers in the store stopped everything and gawped.

Mike's boxers were now the center of attention. Apparently, now Little Mike's Monster had come out to play in all his tininess and peeked through the fly of his shorts timidly. Tanya laughed. Clearly, he knew who was boss here. Tanya and her sisters looked down at him with scathing glances. He shriveled beneath their glare.

"Mikey dear, I have a Ph.D. in psychology and specialize in sexual dysfunctions, so you might want to listen closely. There are a few things you need to learn about women. First, kiss like you mean it. I've kissed corpses that had more passion. Second, only spank a woman when invited – and I definitely did not invite you to spank me last night." I was only there doing a favor for Edward since Lauren Mallory had planned on crashing his bachelor party and stripping to ruin the wedding." She noted with amusement that Mrs. Newton sucked in a huge gulp of air and looked like her head was going to explode. Jessica hissed right after her. They were a match made in dimwit human heaven. The store began whispering when the words "Lauren Mallory" and "stripping" were uttered.

"Third, next time, remember to tip your stripper well. Nobody likes a cheapskate. Fourth, you might want to get your . . . three inches of exaggeration," she paused on each word for emphasis, "looked at before you try to have sex, big guy, because by looking at your girlfriend's basket over there filled with KY Jelly and condoms, I think she has big plans for you," Tanya cooed.

"Jessica," Tanya added absentmindedly while looking down at Mike's boxer shorts, "Prepare to be underwhelmed. Now where was I? Oh . . .

"Most importantly," Tanya continued her lecture in front of the silent gobsmacked audience. "If you hope to ever get laid by the same woman more than once, kindly invest in a sex therapist and learn how to put that tongue of yours to better use. Oral, Mike Newton, is your friend." She glanced down at his fly with a pitying expression, patted Mike on the cheek, mouthed "good luck" to Jessica, winked devilishly at Mrs. Newton and said, "Take him to a dentist about that halitosis," and walked out of the produce section wearing a wicked grin.

Jessica and Mrs. Newton stared at one another in shock. Erik Yorkie laughed so hard he actually dropped his phone at the end of Tanya's speech. Young Mr. Yorkie led the applause that roared through the aisles as they passed. He might possibly have added a wolf whistle.

All the other observers had their eyes on Tanya and her sisters as they sauntered away to the sound of applause, wolf-whistles, and "you go girl's."

"That woman assaulted you. I'm calling the police." Mrs. Newton fumbled for her phone and threw her son his parka that had been underneath her purse.

Mike took the phone from her. "Mom, I'm eighteen. Seriously? That woman can tear my clothes off anytime she wants. Lauren did plan on crashing the party and stripping. Tyler dumped her over it. Let's go home."

None of them noticed Emmett flash by and gingerly touch Mike on the back of his neck with a feather-light touch. Mike's eyes rolled back into his head and with arms splayed, he fell back into a potato display. All the vegetables in the bin avalanched around his prone form. By the time he fell, Emmett was all the way down the aisle with no one the wiser. Tanya smiled as she heard the girlfriend and Mother start shrieking at the same time as they ran to Mike. He lay unconscious, surrounded by potatoes, with a pathetic looking penis in prominent view on his dirt stained boxers.

And rumors of Lauren Mallory as a stripper began to spread. Of course they were eclipsed by Tanya. Nothing beat Tanya.

Mrs. Newton lightly smacked her son's cheek and said to Jessica, "Dear. You will put those items in your basket back on the shelves. You are coming with me to the hospital. Your Mother is going to meet us there. I think it's time we all had a parental chat." She picked up her abandoned phone where it had hid in potatoes and said to Mrs. Stanley, "Meet us at the emergency room." And then Mrs. Newton hung up the phone.

Emmett decided to rub insult to injury a bit more. He pretended not to notice that Mrs. Newton had been badmouthing his Ma. He appeared the very picture of a gentleman in his shirt, tie, with a bouquet in one hand.

"Wow, Mrs. Newton. He looks bad. Would you like me to carry him to your car?"

"Yes, thank you, Emmett." Mrs. Newton, already mortified at having her son unclothed in front of everyone, decided she should reconsider her earlier thoughts about the Cullens. They had been so helpful in the past. Especially with Mike.

"Dad is off today because of the wedding, but I'll call ahead to warn the nurses." Emmett had his Dad's head nurse on speed dial thanks to Bella.

Marveling at what a small world it was, she passed the same elderly couple from the hotel that morning. The man clutched his heart, popped nitroglycerin tablets, and wheezed at her the entire time. His wife looked incensed. Tanya could not imagine what she had done to earn that old bat's rage.

Tanya rolled her eyes and said to the glowering elderly matron, "Honey, if he dies right now he'll at least have glimpsed paradise and he'll go with a smile on his face. He looks like he could use a few hours in the sack. You too, for that matter. Although at your age I'd recommend a vibrator and lots of extra batteries. And definitely lots of lubricant."

As she passed the gobsmacked couple she heard the woman whisper, "Shameless hussy."

"I've been called worse," The eldest Denali sister responded.

Tanya smirked in satisfaction. She and her siblings flounced to Emmett and Rosalie's waiting Jeep with a parade of bag boys frantically fighting for the honor of carrying their groceries. It took them ten chaotic minutes just to leave the parking lot. Tanya, of course, had to personally thank every one of the sixteen bag boys. And she couldn't help but give one or two that appeared over eighteen a lingering caress while the shoppers gaped in the parking lot. And all three sisters waved goodbye to Mrs. Newton as she drove her son and a blushing Jessica Stanley off to the hospital.

Who knew grocery shopping with humans could be such fun? Her work here was done. She needed to choose her words wisely with her siblings as both of them clearly were after her hide. Fortunately, Tanya knew she could count on them to wait until they were sure they were alone. That was, after all, what family was for. Maybe she should visit Forks more often Tanya deliberated as they sped back to the Cullen house bearing gifts.

Irina's phone buzzed with an incoming email. She scrolled through it at vampire speed and pretended to be calm as she read the note from Eleazar and Carmen.

* * *

**Please review – it helps with inspiration.**

**Snarky Summary: Mike Newton is a total perv. His monster, too. So, Tanya 1, Mike Newton -2. Mike forgot the cardinal rule of never piss off a stripper. But that's ok, because Tanya and her sisters made darn sure that he understands the p's and q's of the real world. The Denali sisters storm the Thriftway and cause chaos, and hotness, and hot flashes galore. Irina and Kate are definitely plan on having a chat as soon as they can ensure some privacy with their out-of-control sibling. Eleazar and Carmen have been trying to get in touch with Tanya and her sisters and finally manage to reach Irina – who is most definitely not amused. Ruh-roh.**


	10. Lies Dreams and Schemes

**All hail to my validating beta vjgm!**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing.**

**Many thanks to those of you who have been kind enough to review.**

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. So there.**

**Snarky Summary: So Bella bet Tanya that Tanya could not seduce Eddie-puss. Bella won, and good sport that she is, Tanya delivered with an advanced tutorial on Sex With Vampires 101 for Naive Virgins. She's giving Bella a C on mastery of content, and a B- on her enthusiasm. Ever so kindly, to help her hone those seduction skills, Tanya sends Bella off on a teensy little homework assignment. Completely harmless! Really! Until Edward had to go an ruin it. CC Tanya is insisting that she cannot be blamed for Edward being a repressed dork. She had no idea that he would tear Bella's clothes off in public. So to cover her assets, Tanya took her irate-at-her sisters and went down to the Thriftway to create an even larger scene. Which she most definitely did. Tanya's grinning thinking she's off the hook. And trying to block out that whole had sex for .37 seconds with the drugged by her with hallucinogenic mushrooms Jacob Black business. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Lies, Dreams, and Schemes**

Jacob Black ran through the woods reliving his encounter with Tanya Denali. That man-eater poured wine all over his body and did things with her tongue that he could barely remember, he had been so spellbound. He had always dreamed of losing his virginity with some plain chick like Bella. He shouldn't feel bad - being with the blond leech had the advantage that he would now have some idea of what to actually do to impress Bella. And it's not like he was cheating on her. Yet. And it wasn't really cheating if it didn't mean anything, you know? Guys had needs. That's what his Dad used to say.

Jake didn't really remember all the questions Tanya asked in between licks, but he did recall that she felt so good he sang what he did know like a stool pigeon and might have embellished a bit here and there. He knew he would have to prevent phasing so his pack brothers would not find out until after the soon-to-be-halted wedding that he had actually had sex with a blood sucker. He thought it was the best minute and a half of his life. Jake was bummed with Quileute Thunder when he decided to punk out and droop to half mast. He so wanted a second round with Tanya even if she had personal hygiene issues. The stench coming from that psycho bitch was eye watering, but the way she made him _feel_. Lord almighty. He'd be willing to bring a bottle of Listerine for her to gargle if it meant she'd kiss him again. Maybe he could stop at the local drug store and buy her some deodorant spray for that other area that Quileute Thunder had plowed briefly. Leah would know what to buy. How to ask her about feminine personal deodorant without her killing him because she believed that Jake was implying that Leah was the one with the odor...now that was the question. He scratched his groin and realized you only lived once. He'd tell Leah that he wanted to give it to Tanya to insult her.

Tanya had made it perfectly clear that she was after the metro-sexual leech's skinny ass. Jacob didn't mind that considering he nailed Tanya before Edward had the chance. Edward could have his sloppy, stinky seconds. All he cared about was making sure that Bella changed her mind about marrying the jerk and that he was the one to fuck her first. He didn't care what it took. And then Tanya fell out of the sky and screwed his brains out, he remembered, panting as he ran. Even better, she hinted that she might not object if _he_ objected to Edward and Bella's wedding at the actual ceremony.

For a second, the part of him that liked to think of himself as Bella's friend felt a bit uncomfortable. He decided that Bella was just confused. No one could turn away from the kind of arrangement that he had to offer. Deep down inside, Jake knew that Bella would eventually love him more than anyone else. Dad had always said so. And his Dad was a wise man. At the top of his game. Everyone respected him.

Jake knew if he could just convince Bella that she would stay on the rez with him and the boys and they'd all be one happy family. She could be a housewife because he couldn't stand for her to leave to go to college, and he had plenty of money. He'd knock her up and keep her pregnant so she would have something to do with her time when he was at work.

But before he could get to the barefoot happy children running through their imaginary house in the imaginary future, Jake would have to convince Bella that he had imprinted on her. But that should not be too difficult, since Bella was so gullible. She would never marry Edward knowing that Jake had imprinted on her and would feel physical pain at being separated from her. She was nice like that. He scratched his head, those mushrooms Tanya had given him. Wow, they packed a punch.

Dad had always said that Bella belonged with him - she just had to accept it. Having Bella Swan by his side once and for all, now that was something that he'd have sex with anyone to have. 'Cause he had to make his Dad's dream come true. Sure, he wasn't attracted to her, but duty was duty.  
Cullen wasn't the only one who could fight dirty. Jake might have to do some dirty tricks to get her, but Jake knew that once the leech was gone, Bella would have no choice. She'd realize how much she loved him. She'd realize how right they were. Dad had said this was meant to be. She'd eventually forgive Jake for killing Edward. Jacob snickered as he ran off into the woods. And besides, all that practice with Tanya he planned on getting in the next few days just meant that Bella would be all that much more satisfied in his bed. And she would be. In his bed. Soon. If she wasn't satisfied, well, at least he'd get off.

His fantasy consumed him to the point where he completely overlooked the naked couple that moved sinuously together behind a large shrub as he ran past a hot spring. The short little female twitched her nose at the stench, thanking God they had been standing down wind of the dog. She made a note to herself to kill him for interrupting her sixth orgasm. She turned back to her partner.

Tyler Crowley looked up at Jane and said, "Damn, Jane! Just . . .Damn!" Tears of ecstasy ran down his apple-cheeked face.

Apparently, she had pleasured him into a drooling idiot; she smiled lovingly down at him. Jane wondered why the dog that ran past smelled like Tanya. A lot like Tanya. He did not look like he'd been fighting. Surely Tanya had better taste? Wait a minute. Stop that thought. Tanya was Tanya. From her reputation, she'd sleep with almost anyone on a whim. This led Jane to wonder exactly what Tanya was planning.

She dismissed her musings when Tyler started screaming out to God and all the saints in joy. He was growing on her, the cute human. After her seventh orgasm, she decided to let him sleep for a few hours. They were so fragile, these humans. She began to understand Edward Cullen a bit more with each hour, she thought, as she stroked Tyler's hair. He lay dead to the world snoring with a smile of bliss on his handsome face, wrapped up in thick blankets as she carried him to their cabin.

Jane pulled on her clothes and grabbed another blanket to cover Tyler. She couldn't have her human catching a chill. After dialing her cell phone, she did not bother with polite greetings when Tanya answered. "Would you mind explaining to me what you're up to? Something smells." She snickered.

Surrounded by Emmett and Rosalie and her sisters, Tanya couldn't really talk. She also didn't want to lie to Jane. And she knew damn well what Jane smelled, as Jake had come on foot and the cabin that Jane had been using was most likely along the path he'd taken.

"Oh, I'm just spreading a little cheer to everyone, trying to make an impression. We just left the Thriftway. Aro sends his love."

Jane answered in a flat tone, "I'm assuming you went to make a bigger scandal?"

"Can't get one past you now can I, Jane?" Tanya giggled and wondered how Jane had managed to find her well-hidden phone number.

"Did you deal with that asshole, Newton?" Jane asked venomously. "'Cause I enjoyed giving him my own little gift."

"Oh Jane, Newton will never forget my face;of that I assure you."

"Is he still breathing?"

"Yes, unfortunately for him, Mike Newton is still very much alive.." Tanya laughed and the rest of the car joined her.

"I wish I could have been there to see that. It was very nice of you to help the Cullens. You and I will not have any problems so long as you understand that Aro, Marcus, and even Caius want this wedding to occur without any interference. Marcus in particular would be deeply offended if anything happened to prevent it."

Tanya breathed sincerely, "Oh so do I, Jane my dear, so do I. You can count on me to give Aro, Caius, and Marcus my full support."

Jane could hear the other vampires in the background as they talked, "So long as we understand one another. I'd hate to have to lose my temper with you." She hung up the phone. That Denali tramp had better not be a problem. Jane planned on keeping an eye on her.

Tanya couldn't believe Jane had her panties in a twist over the werewolf, for God's sake. And she had enough survival instinct to know full well that crossing the Volturi would be stupid. She pulled out her cell phone and sent a text. Well that should be interesting. Tanya could be flexible. She stared out the window of the car at the scenery rushing by.

At the mansion, once their most recent guests had departed;– Charlie to his call, the rest to the store– Carlisle asked Edward to accompany him for a brief hunt. Edward initially scoffed at his suggestion and stared towards the house where Bella waited for him. Carlisle mentally reminded him that Alice, Jasper, and Esme could keep Bella company while they hunted. At that, a mulish expression crossed Edward's face.

"Son, you have been through so much turmoil in the past few hours that I think it would be best for you to hunt." Carlisle knew the magic phrase, "Please do this for Bella."

Edward wearily ran his fingers through his hair and groaned as the memory of the past hour rushed through him. He remembered his earlier vow to hunt. Given his behavior with Bella and his definite need for control, Carlisle's suggestion had merit. The men ran until they encountered a herd of deer. Edward made a quick meal of several. Once he and Carlisle were sated and had disposed of the animals, they stopped by a grouping of rocks to talk.

"Edward, I know you are blaming yourself and it has to stop."

"Why? Once again, through my ineptitude I hurt her. Not only did I shame her in front of her friends, but Caius and Aro became involved and asked her improper questions about her undergarments before they would let us leave. She hyperventilated as soon as I managed to rush her to the car. Worse, it all happened with Marcus there."

"Accidents happen Edward. You know that if the Volturi had meant harm then Bella would never have left the store in your custody. Aro and Caius find human customs intriguing and do not like to admit it since they simply view humans as food. Aro feels like he is on the most amazing vacation attending a human wedding. You know he has a soft spot for Bella as does Marcus."

"You're right," Edward sighed remembering reading their minds at the store. Marcus in particular had been horrified and had ordered Felix to assist him. He owed Marcus.

"Edward, you are hurting Bella even more with your reaction," Carlisle claimed.

"How? Besides of course, me ripping her clothes off in public, and permitting Tanya to cavort semi-clothed in front of our friends." Edward's sarcasm was in full power.

Carlisle watched patiently while he ranted.

"You must accept that you are worth her unconditional love. Because when you deny that, you are in effect pushing her away. That is why every time something unfortunate occurs, your first reaction is to withdraw from her. We know how well that worked the last time. She still bears the scars. I've heard her nightmares."

Edward winced, "She is so innocent, Carlisle. And I am far from it, with all the harm I have caused."

"Edward, you are holding yourself to impossibly high standards thinking that God can forgive others their sins but not you. Why should God not accept your repentance?"

"Oh I can think of hundreds of reasons why. People died when I left."

"The point of the Gospel is to show that if you truly do atone for the misdeeds that you have done in this world, that there is a place in heaven for you. I have watched you struggle these past decades. It has been astounding to see how much you have grown lately. Edward. It's time to permit yourself to start living and be happy. Never forget what you have learned. But to give your marriage a chance, you have to stop hating yourself for making mistakes. You cannot truly love Bella if you have nothing to offer her of yourself."

Uncomfortable with this discussion, Edward blurted, appalled, "Are you saying I don't love Bella?"

"No, Edward, I know you have strong feelings for her. Yet you still do not understand what love is. You are only beginning to experience it. Watching you these past few months has been like observing a man walking through a minefield, never knowing when he was going to take a wrong step. Jasper says your emotions when you are with Bella are all over the place."

"I caused so much pain with what I did. I have a difficult time thinking of myself as something other than a soulless monster because I am happy with Bella in spite of it."

"If you were soulless then why would you feel guilt? If you were soulless then why would you feel shame? If you were soulless then why would you bother to follow our diet? If you were soulless then why would you fight so hard to resist the call of Bella's blood? If you were soulless how could you possibly even consider loving her and sacrificing your instincts for her?"

Edward had no good response.

"And if you were soulless and evil, why would God reward you with such a gift as Bella's presence in your life? You've been offered the most wonderful gift and you are sitting around peeking at the lid, refusing to open it, but thinking it's better off with someone else."

"Is that what you are worried about? Are you afraid that I am going to leave her again?" Edward sounded exasperated.

Carlise smiled at him and replied, "You misunderstand my point. We do not have any writings about vampires and humans being mated to rely upon for guidance. I have to assume that the mating process will work for you two like it does any other vampire couple. Until you each freely accept the unconditional love from the other, your mate bond will not be fulfilled. Once she becomes one of us, Bella will know. Edward, that means you absolutely must get yourself sorted out as soon as possible." Carlisle now had Edward's full attention. They ran back to the house in silence.  
"Have you discussed these feelings with Bella?"  
"No. I do not want to upset her."  
"Edward," Carlisle continued, "You hold her up as this ideal. You have judged Bella and have done her and yourself a disservice. She cannot love you if she does not know you. It seems to me that you are not willing to even offer her that chance. That is treating her like she is a child, not your bride."

Emotionally, Edward said, "Thank you for helping me. I do not know where I would be in this world without you as my Father."

As they arrived in the back yard, Carlisle clasped Edward by the shoulder and said, "Promise me you will give it some consideration." Edward nodded at his Father. "If I might shift the topic, you mentioned that Bella experienced a panic attack at the grocery store. This is not the first one that she's had. Alice has seen her having them more frequently."

Concerned, Edward followed his Father into the study. Carlise sat at his desk while Edward remained standing and examined the paintings on the wall. Knowing his son, Carlisle let several minutes pass in silence.

Carlisle continued, "I think you need to encourage her to discuss them with you."

Edward sighed, "Every time I try to have a serious conversation with her lately she seems terrified and changes the subject. After the day she has experienced, I would not want to cause her further distress. Besides, so far reasoning with her has yielded no substantial progress in encouraging her to tell me what is wrong."

Pragmatically, Carlisle answered, "Then you'll have to throw reason aside and simply seduce her into telling you."

Edward did a double-take and blinked, "We took that off the table weeks ago. Trying to seduce her today, of all days, would be morally reprehensible."

"Edward, seduction is so much more than simply sex. It is touch, taste, and sound. I know from watching how Bella looks at you that if you touched her, simply touched her in a non-sexual way she'd probably tell you anything you wanted to know. She needs affirmation from you."

"Oh."

"And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I've also noticed that ever since we talked that night that you have been touching her less frequently than you usually do when I see the two of you together. Do not make the mistake of thinking that she hasn't noticed that as well. You either need to increase your running distance or find another way of coping. You cannot take your struggle out on her. She's very fragile right now. The imminent approach of the wedding and all that entails surely is frightening Bella. We are, after all, going to require that she make large sacrifices. You decreasing physical contact with her is not sending a reassuring message." Carlisle appeared sad for a moment.

Edward had to admit that his Father, as usual, had pegged his behavior. He had been increasing his late night runs in terms of effort and distance. In spite of all the exercise, he felt like he barely managed to hang onto his self control around her. And worse, it was taking all of his acting ability to pretend to be unaffected. He did not want to encourage her since she was so eager to push the boundaries they had established. And he did not want her to feel rejected. The bloodlust combined with the regular lust drove him from her side. He had not realized that anyone had noticed. He had tried to be subtle about it. Denying himself the pleasure of touching her at the time had seemed to be the logical choice.

He would start tonight gently. Edward decided that his Father was far smarter than he had ever given him credit. He left the office whistling with a new sense of purpose. He had a lot of making up to do.

Jasper mentally called out to him, _"Go get her tiger!"_  
Edward rolled his eyes and snorted disdainfully.  
Jasper's thoughts called back, _"Just remember the no sex part, right?"_

Sometimes living in this house drove him insane. He had the patience of a saint, Edward piously observed as he trekked up the stairs to not-quite-seduce his love.

Miles away Sam's cell phone showed he had missed a text. He opened it to find a picture waiting for him. When he clicked on it he saw a blond vampire and Jake in a compromising position. He really could have gone through his entire life without seeing something so disgusting. I mean, it was bad enough they all had to see each other naked if they phased back. Seeing Jake having sex with the leech. God, he needed therapy. Sam phased, alerted the rest of the pack, and found his quarry in the woods wearing a dopey-eyed face and stinking to high heaven. Sam's eyes watered so bad he literally had to back up - oh God that odor. He ordered Jake to phase to wolf form. Once Jacob complied, the voices of the pack brothers nearly overwhelmed them all.

_"Eeewwww. I'm going to need therapy for life. Quill hold me."_ Seth wailed.

_"Jake man, that's beyond messed up. I mean, there are lots of people - you know warm blooded breathing ones- that would sleep with you in a heartbeat and you lose your virginity to a leech?"_ Embry sounded horrified.

_"You let her blow you. Are you fucking nuts? Did you not understand what their teeth can do and you let her mouth on your dick AND balls?"_ Connor said.

_"Wait, does he still have a dick?" _Seth asked concerned. _"Won't her venom melt it away like acid?"_

Jake's eyes widened for a minute and he lay down on the ground. He licked himself once just to make sure Quileute Thunder was really there and ...ugh! Gah! Shit! The smell was overwhelming! And the taste! He jumped into a nearby river in a panic trying to wash it off. The smell was so bad it made the water reek too. He didn't know how long it would take to get clean. He knew he couldn't go back to the rez smelling like this. The water around him seemed to boil.

Sam ordered one of the pack members at the rez to come join them with strong smelling soap, clothing, and a bucket.

From the rez, Brady asked snarkily if Jake wanted a mint with that, too, as he took off. _Breath mint,_ he clarified, as he bounded toward them with a bucket held in between his teeth.

All the while that Jake frantically scrubbed Tanya skank off of him, his pack brothers took the images that Jake couldn't remove from his mind and mulled over them shouting and chortling the entire time. The mental images from Jacob were positively repulsive, they shouted. It was beyond humiliating. Especially when they saw the part about Quileute Thunder going to half mast.

"What?" Jake sounded more than a little defensive, _"I was getting information from the enemy is all. I thought you'd be impressed with my level of dedication to protect the pack."_

_"Didn't look like it was working there, Jakie-pooh,"_ Embry laughed and pulled up the image of his half mast erection and Tanya's reaction.

"We have a treaty with the Cullens and the Denalis fall under it. They are not the enemy, and you know it," Sam glared.

_"If you smelled what I did and could still get it up, you'd realize how much I love this pack and how devoted I was to its safety. I did that for us."_ Jake snarled.

_"Dude, don't bullshit us. You just wanted to get off and you wanted to find a way to bust up Bella's wedding. Not going to happen Jake. You will NOT do anything actively or inactively to stop Bella and Edward's wedding. Stay away from the Denalis."_ Sam ordered in his alpha voice.

Quill's eyes were haunting as he looked at Jake and said, _"You know that she loves Edward, and you would want to tear her away from him? You remember how much pain she was in the last time. You'd want to do that to her?"_

_"For her own good. I love her. I know she loves me."_ Jake spluttered. His tone was off, everyone shook their head at him.

Quill kept yammering like he wasn't even talking, _"Dude. You're high. And you'd lie to her with that imprinting line and use guilt to win her over? Jake, Tanya did have a point; you do need to get your balls checked."_

_"Man, Quill lighten up. That's not fair"_ Jake whined. In his state all his memories were free for the pack to pick apart. He could not hide them no matter how hard he tried.

Seth chimed in, _"I nearly puked when I saw how you begged Edward to go away for a year and let you have Bella on your own to convince her that she could be with you. If you had any kind of spine, you'd realize that simply asking him to go away meant that you had no shot."_

_"You just have a man-crush on her leech Seth. Maybe you should marry him with all the googly eyes you've been making at him lately."_ Jake growled.

_"No, Jake,_" Seth rejoined, _"I have a conscience. I would never do that to either Bella or Edward. I might not agree with Bella's choice. But it is her choice. Not mine. She freely made it. Edward is also my friend. I do see what she sees in him. He has a good soul. She's better off with him. Not that she ever gave you the time of day."_

_"Those blood suckers are our enemy. How can you even think that?"_ Jake cried.

_"I saw them talk on that day of the fight. He learned from his mistakes. You haven't. You're fighting a battle that's already over. That doesn't just make you wrong. It makes you mean and wrong."_ Seth answered.

Jake turned to launch himself at Seth when suddenly a small grey form slammed into him with such force he tumbled into the water in a jumble of limbs. He came up from the river spitting out water furious. And looked into the livid eyes of Leah Clearwater.

_"Deodorant?"_  
_"Um, sorry about that, Leah. I was just -"_

She cut him off, and smacked him upside his snout.

_"You are such a loser. Get the fuck over Swan. She loves Cullen. Even I can see that. When have you ever given a shit about her?"_

Sam interrupted Jake as he snarled back at Leah and lunged for her. With one paw the pack leader put Jake firmly on the ground and snarled another alpha command.

_"Your pack members speak the truth. You will never interfere with Edward and Bella's wedding in any way shape and/or form. Nor will you help anyone else interfere in any way, shape, and/or form. Got it? And Jake,"_ he added in an extra smack for emphasis, _"if you ever attack Leah again, I'll kill you myself."_

For a few seconds, Jake stood glaring at the eyes of his brothers and then deflated. He ran off into the woods to think and phased back into his human form using the clothing they had left him after he scrubbed himself clean in a river. The others let him. They had said everything they needed to say. He couldn't help wondering to himself how Sam had received a text with a picture of him and Tanya. That was kind of creepy. He hoped Tanya was not going to be a problem. He couldn't wait to have sex with her again. He had to show her that Quileute Thunder really could make her sing. He had to. Besides, Sam had never ordered him that he could not encourage Tanya to mess with Edward, now had he? The pictures in his head became fantastic at that point so he laid down on the cold ground and fell asleep in the rain dreaming of his family.

Back at the mansion, Bella laid underneath a soft comforter. She snuggled against a pillow that bore Edward's scent and attempted to let the familiar surroundings calm her racing mind as the rain pounded against the house. A week ago, if someone had told her that Edward Cullen would rip clothes off her body in public, she would have confidently bet her meager life savings account at the bank of $1,736.57, probably her soul while she was at it, that they were dead wrong. Edward barely touched her lately.

Thinking back on what happened, acute embarrassment, pure lust, determination, and shame competed like earnest suitors for attention. She couldn't seem to land on a single feeling. Bella felt sure that Jasper had to leave the house by now. She knew she was driving herself insane. She had so many text messages that Bella turned off her cell phone and did her best to shut out the voices in her head.

It boggled her mind that one single tutorial with Tanya could spark that kind of wild reaction from him. That shimmer of excitement battled with the mortification she felt at being accidentally stripped of part of her clothing in the Thriftway. The fact that Bella could at once be so ashamed and excited by a memory made her realize that being around Tanya, the oddly sweet TurboHo of Alaska, had started to influence her in wicked ways. Either that, or the sedatives had kicked in. Bella wondered if this was God's punishment for inflicting a certain stunning stripper on Edward out of pride. She snorted, and thought her luck certainly sucked. And she felt sure that with her new found inner Bella Cullen voice, that just attracted more bad things.

Edward, she cringed, would blame himself for today. She could not make him understand her role in the incident and realizing _that _made Bella feel selfish. She seemed to be gathering too many secrets to keep from him lately. She actually couldn't believe they had managed to keep the bets hidden from him for this long.

So now she had a problem. She didn't want him blaming himself over this, which he would because it was just like Edward. At the same time, she didn't want him catching onto her lessons with Tanya well, because he was Edward. Bella knew he would put a stop to it. And she wanted to learn more than what was written in the Denali sisters' books. She was tired of being a clueless virgin. And all those books he had made her read did not specifically discuss human and vampire sex. And Tanya, God bless her, was the world's expert on human vampire sex. It made sense for Bella to learn from her. Bella could hardly see Edward consulting her or any of the other sisters.

Bella examined her conscience. Why, did she feel the need to push her fiance about having sex? They would soon be married - at least she hoped that they would. Bella had hoped that if they worked up to intimacy bit-by-bit, it would make the honeymoon more likely to happen. Bella had tried to ignore the look of utter terror that had flickered across Edward's face whenever she had assured him that she trusted that he would not hurt her.

Something had been bugging her about Edward these past few weeks. Bella thought it was _that_ something that spurred her into challenging Tanya that night to the bet. In the past few weeks Edward's touches had became more fleeting, more hesitant. Sure, her mind turned to mush the seconds their lips kissed but even she had to admit that it did not feel like it had back when they had first dated. Although it still felt fantastic. She felt guilty complaining, worse, feared if she did she would crush Edward's confidence.

Because their kisses had remained intense, she had tried to dismiss her observations. Really, how much rational thought was she capable of doing when his lips touched against hers ever so gently like that? It was totally unfair. He did some kind of Jedi Mind trick with his kissing that turned her into a drooling idiot.

Their nightly ritual of cuddling went unabated. But Bella knew the second her unconscious claimed her that he uncurled from her side. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night for brief moments in between dreams to discover Edward sitting in that chair staring at her intently with an unreadable expression. She didn't mind him watching her while she slept. But she definitely minded that he felt the need to do it from across the room instead of holding her in his arms. Sometimes she woke up and found him gone, and felt too mortified to ask his family where he had scurried of to. And that was happening more and more often lately. Bella couldn't help but feel the sting of rejection.

Part of her sincerely worried that if they didn't practice that he actually would end up hurting her and she knew if that happened he'd never forgive himself. And_ she_ would never forgive herself for putting him through it. So she was trying to dig out of the bargain that she had made due to foolish pride and hasty words. If she were truly honest, Bella would have to say that she possessed a darker motivation. To keep from going there, she remembered the advice Tanya had given her this morning during their session. She had asked her to bring a pair of pajamas to the hotel room. Bella had known that Tanya would not be impressed with them. They were plain. Bella was smart enough to know if she brought something sexy that Tanya would laugh.

Her reaction had still stung. As the eldest Denali sister had arched her eyebrow in amusement Bella had said defensively, "Tanya, if I go waltzing into the bedroom wearing a slinky number, Edward would simply leave."

"Hmm that sounds exactly like the poor man," She gave a regretful sigh, "He would make a point of looking down his nose at you while he did it." Tanya knew him well. Bella wondered if this was a guess on her part or a memory.

"Welcome to my world." Bella grumbled, "So what do you suggest?" She reached out to fist bump her new sister in solidarity. They both understood the feeling of being rejected by Edward Cullen.

"Bella, you now have a second homework assignment. You need to understand how men think. I'm going to give you some advice and hope you listen to it. If I know Edward like I think I do, this one will really drive him wild. You sleep together every night don't you?

"Yes. Although I'm the only one doing the sleeping presently, if you get my drift," She grumbled.

Tanya winked and laughed. "What I mean is he watches you the entire time while you sleep, right?"

She nodded. Rosalie agreed saying, "We mock him for it. He sits there and stares at her. We call it Bella television. He literally never leaves her side. It's cute in a creepy stalker kind of way."

Tanya smiled in amusement and whispered, "Gotcha."

Bella had no idea what made Tanya look so entertained. She hoped it wasn't her. She had to admit if it were anyone else standing over her staring while she slept she would have borrowed her Dad's gun prior to taking out several restraining orders.

Somehow, Edward just transcended reason. She had never seen his behavior as strange once she had understood him. Even having this discussion was embarrassing enough for her.

"Bella, tonight I want you to find a way to spend the night at his place where you won't be disturbed."

"That can easily be arranged. What do you want me to do?"

"Describe your evening routine with Edward." Kate chimed in.

So Bella told them what they typically did every night. To her ears, it sounded boring but they all listened with rapt expressions.

"When you take your shower I am assuming that proper Edward leaves the room to give you privacy?" Irina smirked.

Again, Bella nodded solemnly. "Walking in there in a towel won't work he listens to my every move."

"And I assume he does not return until you are safely clothed?" Tanya took over the conversation.

"Gold star for you," Bella answered. The Denali sisters definitely had his number.

"Yes, but that's what makes this idea so much fun. You're going to use his expectations against him. Anyway, that little fact that he can't read your mind. Golden." Tanya looked exultant.

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Tonight, when he leaves the room go to his closet. Take one of his shirts. Make it a long sleeved one that he regularly wears. Put that on instead after your shower."

"He's going to ask me why I'm wearing his clothes. He'll totally catch on."

"That has been handled. Do you like these pajamas?" She held them in between her pinched fingers like they were an old dishrag. Frankly, old and worn they held no sentimental value.

"Not particularly."

"Excellent," she shredded them before Bella's astonished eyes.

"Um, Tanya, what am I going to say when I come prancing out of the shower wearing his shirt and a pair of white cotton panties?"

"You wear white cotton panties?" Tanya giggled. "Of course you do. You're Bella. God, he must be dying."

"I don't get it?" Bella failed to understand her hysteria. Or that of the other women in the room.

"Oh Bella, it is yet another example of how pure and innocent you are. Plus it serves to remind Edward that you can't be touched. Yet. Let's discuss the plan. You're going to tell him that I took your regular nightwear and absconded with them, saying that they weren't appropriate for his new bride."

"I have a lot of nightgowns."

"Edward would totally believe that I stole them. She texted Demetri and asked him to see if Jane could arrange for the nightgowns to disappear temporarily. Demetri texted back that he unfortunately valued his life and that Tanya would have to discuss Bella's clothing with Jane and sent her cell number. Men. Tanya fumed. Fine. She texted Jane.

The female evil twin called Bella instead. She did not even bother with a greeting to the Denalis. How rude.

"Yes, Jane?"

"Tanya wants me to abscond with your nightgowns."

"She does."

"Are you fine with this? I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her."

"Yes. They need to vanish temporarily."

"Seducing Edward? Don't answer that. Just be careful and don't take things too far. He's the most high strung vampire I have ever met." Jane ended the call as Bella nearly died.

"Problem handled. Jane will take care of it." Bella said.

"Excellent!" Tanya acted as if their lesson had not been interrupted and picked up where she had left off, "Then you will show him this holding it exactly so and say I gave it to you as a replacement. When you put it down, remember to toss it like you can't wait to get it away from you - but throw it where it is directly in his line of sight from the bed."

"Brilliant!" Rosalie laughed.

Irina asked, "Bella, do you think you can do that? Make sure to look horrified like you do right now. That will completely sell it. Edward will thank you for being considerate of his needs. He'll stare and the lingerie all night long while you sleep."

Tanya held in her hands an elegant white gown made of fabric so delicate that it literally was see through. A silvery shade of white, the gown managed to look sophisticated and wicked with a plunging neckline and even worse, was low cut in the back as well. All that she had to do was hold the gown up like Tanya was in front of her chest. When Edward saw how the light streamed through the fabric, he would gulp and thank her profusely for wearing his shirt instead.

Well, that seemed simple. Bella didn't know why she couldn't borrow a pair of his boxers too. Tanya strictly instructed her to just sleep in one of his long sleeved shirts and wear her usual underwear. Bella could have sworn she had heard Tanya mutter the word, "virgins" under her breath.

"Why am I picking long sleeved? Why not a t-shirt?"

"Because you don't want to be too obvious and a t-shirt would be trying to hard and Edward would quickly catch on to what you were doing. Bella, you'll figure out the second reason tonight. Trust me. His shirt will come down to your knees so it will be like you in a nightgown. You'll be fine."

"He's not going to throw control out the window if I walk in wearing his shirt will he? I don't want my first time to be witnessed or listened to by his entire family." She blushed to the roots of her hair. All the women looked at Bella sympathetically.

"Bella, honey, when that man finally places his hands on you, I promise you that you will be so far gone you won't notice his family. You won't notice the world. You will forget your name. I suspect that man has been plotting, and planning your first time since the day he first laid eyes on you. Vampires have expanded imaginations and memories; which means he's put hundreds of more hours of effort into planning it than your average human would. I wish my first lover had been that considerate. You'll be in good hands. He won't let you fall. And he'll worship you."

Bella giggled misty-eyed. Problems forgotten. Momentarily. Before reality came roaring back like the shrew she was and landed on her back and dug in her claws. Her fear of being seduced in front of his family was so ironic given what had happened in the Thriftway earlier. Why worry about just the Cullens when half the town had stared at her bare butt?

Left alone with her ruminations, the sleepless nights of the past weeks caught up with her. Bella wondered what she could do to distract Edward from finding out her secrets and Tanya's next homework assignment sounded like just the thing. Her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep curled into a fetal position.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**The drugged to his eyeballs on shrooms Jake runs home with Quileute Thunder ...whining for mercy. He has hallucinogenic plans for another date with Tanya. Jake catches up with the pack, and ponders his future while licking his ahem well, you know. Carlisle and Edward have a summit where Daddy Cullen orders his son to seduce his bride. Go Carlisle! Bella gets another tutorial from Tanya. Oh my!**

**Please review!**


	11. Flowers and Pasties for Jesus

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me. :)**

**Many thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. You make me smile. I'm delighted you are enjoying my sick take on Twilight. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. So there.**

**Snarky Summary: Tanya and her sisters just finished creating complete chaos at the Thriftway. Tanya conveniently arranged for Jake to get busted by his packmates in order to rid herself of having to reek around him. Jake is high as a kite on shrooms that Tanya fed him – and his packmates are all kinds of annoyed. Bella is curled up asleep at the mansion. Carlisle and Edward had a "Get your sparkling head on straight inhuman-to-inhuman chat." Perhaps this is another canon sin, but I can't see the change process as one that repairs every single thing in someone. Emmett's skull, at least in my mind, was crushed when he was attacked by the bear. So CC Emmett has a bit of impulse control as a result of his injury. And CC Emmett is also a very perceptive man. When you combine the two traits, you can have chaos. **

**Tanya and her sisters are in the car with Rosalie and Emmett. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Seven – The Webers - Flowers and Pasties for Jesus**

The immortal occupants of Emmett Cullen's jeep laughed hysterically at the chaos they had recently orchestrated in the Thriftway. Tanya had set out to create a scene that would distract the shoppers from Edward's shenanigans. She had succeeded, of course. She was Tanya Denali. It was rather inspired, she admitted in satisfaction. _No one can out do me in the shameless department_, she sniffed. _That should keep mortal tongues wagging in Forks for weeks, if not years._ Even fully clothed, Tanya knew she was much more entertaining that a brief glimpse of Bella's thong-adorned backside.

"Emmett, where are we going?" Kate asked.

"Oh, we have to stop by a friend of Bella's house."

"Why are we visiting humans in their domiciles? Haven't we done enough for one day?" Irina sounded curious, "Are we going to be paying her a special kind of payback, this human?"

"Oh, God Irina, no. Bella started hyperventilating when Edward got her out of the store and to the car. Her friends Angela Weber and Ben Cheney were nice and helped calm her down and keep people away. Bella and Edward wanted us to get Angela some lilies to thank her."

Rosalie said, "I am forging Bella and Edward's handwriting on a card. Bella's is so sloppy it is hard to do right."

"Ah, that makes sense. That sounds like something Bella would do. Sweet but considerate. She's having panic attacks, and she's worried about sending flowers to her friends. How unbelievably kind," Tanya smiled.

Her sisters covertly glared at her when Rosalie and Emmett were otherwise occupied.

"Why do you think we're all doing jumping jacks at her being with Edward?" Rosalie huffed, "She's kind, but she keeps him on his toes, you know what I mean? In that past two years, that man has talked more than in all the ones I've known him combined."

"So we're just going to drop these flowers off real quick like. And Tanya?" Emmett's tone became cautious.

"Yes Emmett?" Tanya appeared the picture of innocence – which usually meant people should run screaming.

"Angela's Dad is a minister, please look and act respectable. We can't play with this guy, ok? Carlisle really likes him, too."

"Emmett do you know how many men of God I've played with in the past few centuries?" Tanya licked her lips.

"I have an idea, you wench, and we're not going to be doing _that_ kind of toying with this married man, you hear? We have to come across as the nice Cullen family that we are." Emmett insisted.

"Oh Emmett," she sighed, as she started adjusting her outfit to be more modest. "I'll be the very picture of discretion. Sisters! Makeover time."

Not even wanting to know what they were doing, Emmett kept his eyes firmly on the road as he heard the rustling of clothes and primping of hair and make-up going on behind him. They pulled into the driveway of the Weber's modest two-story home.

Tanya and her sisters had buttoned up their blouses and donned pearl-buttoned cardigans, covered by heavy winter coats. Their long hair was now primly arranged in genteel updo's for Tanya and Kate and a French braid for Irina. Kate and Irina now wore pearl earrings and necklaces. Tanya, Emmett gulped, was actually wearing a tasteful silver cross hanging from a chain on her neck. All now sported sensible low-heeled dress shoes. They had changed their makeup so they now looked lovely, yet understated. And they really did pull off the virginal routine very well, Emmett whistled in admiration. They looked fresh out of church on a Sunday. He thought the matching woolen scarves and mittens were a nice touch.

Emmett said, "Uh, where did the sweaters and jewelry and shoes and scarves come from?"

The girls giggled, "We keep them in our purses for emergencies. They come in useful don't you think?" Kate joked.

"And the cross?" Tanya was not remotely religious. Emmett knew that for a fact.

"Pope Innocent the eigth. Fourteen hundred and eighty-four was a very good year," she smirked.

"Damn. Girl. Just. Damn" Emmett gaped as Rosalie smacked him.

"Emmett stop cursing in the Reverend's driveway. It's crude."

"Oh fuuuhhhh-" he bit off an oath, "um, sorry Rose. I mean shit. I mean…." He stopped talking as his mate put her fingers on his lips. "I'll be a good boy," emerged muffled from him.

Rose smirked and ran her finger tips along his lips, "If you're _really_ good Emmett, I'll give you an extra treat when we get home."

Emmett's face lit up with joy like the class nerd seeing his top score on an exam. His Rosie was the best.

"Let's go show them how respectable we can be." She straightened the collar on Emmett's oxford shirt and added a tie she carried around in her purse for just such emergencies. She liked that they wore matching coats.

Emmett laughed inwardly because he always put on his own ties. Tanya was so good for his sex life. Rose clearly felt the need to stake her territory. Tonight was going to be awesome with their new stripper pole. He had all his eighties hair metal picked out for her to dance to. He jumped as Rose smacked his shoulder eyeing his bulging erection with disapproval.

"Down boy. You need to remember this man is a minister." Rose chided, thanking goodness he had a long coat.

Once Emmett had calmed himself, they slowly walked to the front door of the Weber residence and rang the bell. A redheaded woman answered it with a smile on her face. She looked straight out of a Leave it to Beaver episode, "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"Um Ma'am, I'm Emmett Cullen and this is Rosalie Hale, Tanya, Kate, and Irina Denali our cousins. We came here to bring flowers to Angela. May we please speak with her?"

Emmett gave good parent.

Mrs. Weber's eyes lit up in confusion she looked Emmett up and down and wondered what this handsome young man was doing bringing her daughter flowers. Angela was already seriously dating that nice Ben Cheney. She would hate to see a fight break out since Ben was here. Besides, Emmett looked like he could snap tiny Ben in two with one hand behind his back.

Tanya noted the confusion on Mrs. Weber's face and said, "Mrs. Weber, the flowers are from Bella Swan to thank Angela for helping her. We're Bella's soon-to-be cousins."

"Oh, my gracious. Please forgive me. Come inside and welcome to our home." Abashed, Mrs. Weber turned and called for her daughter to come and greet her company.

Angela and Ben walked down the stairs and seemed confused at the sight of the guests in the living room. Reverend Weber emerged from his study and introduced himself, shaking everyone's hands firmly and inviting them all to sit on the sofas.

"What brings you to our home?" Reverend Weber said warmly. Angela's twin brothers, Andrew and David, ran noisily through the room on that note. They played chase throughout the lower story before raucously sprinting for the upstairs.

Rose stared after the boys with a wistful expression on her face. And that's where the trouble began.

She was so distracted, Emmett got in the first word against her better judgment. "Well, Bella said that lilies are Angela's favorite flower and we wanted to bring them to her for helping Bella out at the Thriftway."

Mrs. Weber beamed as Emmett gingerly passed the bouquet to Angela along with a card.

Angela sniffed the flowers and said, "That was so sweet of Bella. She did not have to do this."

Mrs. Weber took the blossoms from her daughter, "Let me put those in water for you, dear, so you can visit with your guests." She entered the kitchen and began slicing the stems of the lilies before arranging them in a vase.

Like a hound catching a scent, the confused, Reverend Weber asked, "What did Bella need help with? Did you help her shop?"

Angela assured her father, "Oh no, Dad. Ben and I were there shopping, and something happened to Bella that made her upset. We ran out into the parking lot and stayed with her until she calmed down. It was sad. I've never seen her cry like that."

Rosalie whispered at vampire speed and frequency, "Somebody better think up a respectable story to tell them quick."

Emmett answered her back in a whisper at vampire speed, "No worries Rose, I got it."

"Well, see Reverend, it's like this, Bella had something on her jeans. Edward worried people would laugh at her when she was reaching down to grab an item off of a bottom shelf. He was just trying to help her out when he removed the thing on Bella's pants. He ended up tugging too hard and her pants split. Edward covered her up with his coat real fast but a few people saw and laughed at Bella. She cried because she felt embarrassed." Emmett looked mournful for a second.

With an earnest look on his face Emmett continued, "Edward feels absolutely terrible. He totally didn't mean to strip her naked in the store, and he's not the type to grab Bella's ass in public."

The Webers sat up in their chairs and gaped. Both Angela and Ben blushed as this was news to them.

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed.

"What? It's true. The guy totally respects Bella. He's at home beating himself up right now thinking this is God's punishment for him touching her ass like that before they got married."

"Emmett, you language is not appropriate," Rosalie frowned.

"What's wrong with my language? You said act like we are in church. The word ass is in the Bible." Emmett said in a practical tone. "Besides, I think since the children are upstairs, the Webers won't faint at hearing the word. I mean it's in the Bible. And he's a minister." Emmett pointed his index finger at Revered Weber and peered down at Rosalie confused. "I mean, I know he's heard lots of messed up stuff. That's his job."

Mrs. Weber said, "I'm afraid I don't understand, why didn't Edward simply cover her with his jacket instead of touching her?"

"Oh that's easy; she had a pasty on her butt." At the word 'butt' Emmett looked at his wife and whispered at vampire speed, "See I can clean my language,"

Bewildered, Angela asked, "Did you say a pastry? Did she sit in something?"

Emmett laughed, "Oh she sat in something all right. She had a pasty on the bottom of her jeans, you know like strippers wear to cover their -" Emmett's survival instinct kicked in at that point as he found himself staring down has his hands that he had raised to the level of his breasts miming a woman's bosom. He tried to ignore the gaping of Angela and her Mother. Ben squirmed in his seat and tried ineffectively to disappear under the floor.

Kate hissed at Emmett at vampire frequency, "You are horrifying them, tone it down."

Emmett soldiered on with his tale studiously avoiding making eye contact with Ben Cheney, "Well, it was the pasty that . . . the person who danced at his bachelor party wore. Several people in the store had been at the bachelor party, and since everyone stared at that person a lot and remembered her outfit, Edward didn't want Bella to be laughed at by the people in the store."

Reverend Weber said in a deceptively calm voice, "I'm afraid I don't understand. Are you telling me that Bella stripped at a club last night for Edward?"

"Heavens no. She was with us all night. Bella would never even consider such a thing. She's so shy." Arms crossed, Rosalie looked like she wanted to explode on the spot. She also decided since she was so mad, that Emmett was going to have to dig himself out of this one.

Emmett, at vampire speed, muttered to Tanya, "A little help, please?"

At vampire frequency, Tanya whispered to him, "Shall I begin the seduction now? He totally looks like he'd love to spank me."

Emmett muttered right back at her, "Not that kind of help, Tanya, I'm dying here. Please help a guy."

Tanya leaned forward and said, "I'm afraid this is where I need to explain the rest of the story. My name is Dr. Tanya Denali. I'm a licensed therapist with my Ph.D. in psychology. I treat people with sexual dysfunctions. On the side, I teach a new form of exercise called Strippercize. Today at lunch at my hotel Bella sat in a part of my costume and it stuck to her jeans. When they were shopping, Edward saw it and noticed that other people were staring at her. He acted without thinking. He was simply trying to protect her, and he feels terrible. Edward is so respectful of women in general and Bella in particular that he is absolutely beside himself at present." Tanya's features became forlorn.

She continued brightly, "According to Edward, your daughter was amazing in helping calm Bella once he carried her from the store. The poor thing had a panic attack and Angela was instrumental in helping her through it. Edward and Bella can't thank you enough for the gift of Angela's friendship. Yours too, Ben." Tanya blinked at him, benignly. Ben made a chili pepper look pale he flushed so much. He glanced everywhere but at Tanya remembering what she looked like last night. And what she did. To him.

Mrs. Weber beamed at her daughter for a moment, then did a double take at the term 'strippercize.'

Reverend Weber said in a confused tone, "So, you were the um . . . dancer at the bachelor party?" Smart man, that one, Tanya thought.

Tanya beamed, "Yes, sir I was. Bella asked me to when she found out that Lauren Mallory planned on crashing Edward's bachelor party and actually intended on stripping for him to ruin her wedding."

Angela laughed, gasped, and cleared her throat, "That sounds like something Lauren would do. She could not stand that Edward did not want to date her. Unfortunately, she's always been spiteful towards Bella." She leaned over and clasped Ben's hand in her own as they sat side-by-side on the love seat.

Ben wore the expression of a trapped rat on a sinking ship. He desperately tried not to look at Tanya. When he did accidentally glance up at her, she winked at him. Ben prayed for God to strike him dead immediately.

"Exactly. Bella feared Lauren would try to humiliate Edward and embarrass them both before their wedding. So, I stepped in to help. I felt compelled to when we found out Lauren had bribed two schoolboys to crash the party and take naughty pictures that would embarrass her and Edward. She was going to put them in an ad in the newspaper the day of the wedding and had already purchased a billboard spot by the reception hall."

"She what?" Angela did a double-take.

Tanya nodded and continued, "I had to step in to help as a family obligation. But I assure you I kept it clean. The pasties were just like wearing a bathing suit and my dancing was not inappropriate. My clothes stayed on and I was covered the entire time. I am a born-again Christian. I dance for Jesus. And I had to make this sacrifice for Bella and Edward to protect their upcoming wedding." Tanya smiled wide eyed. And blinked.

The Webers gawped.

Reverend Weber thought that this woman definitely needed Jesus in her life. Perhaps he'd talk to Carlisle about setting up some counseling for her. Just because she had an advanced degree didn't mean she wasn't in need of spiritual guidance. Chaperoned spiritual guidance.

Mrs. Weber wondered how such a nice family like the Cullens had such completely unhinged relatives. You could clearly see this Tanya woman with her dancing had caused complete chaos in the family and poor Bella had suffered as a result, that sweet child. She also couldn't help but wonder if something awful had happened at the bachelor party because Ben looked so uncomfortable, and shifted in his seat like he sat on an ant mound. As a mother of rambunctious twin boys, she recognized that guilty expression he wore. She'd have to take her husband aside and have him chat with Ben about it privately. Emmett's comment distracted her from her thoughts.

"And let me just say I'm cool with Jesus. He's the man." Emmett added in nervously his words accompanied by a punch in the air.

"We've taken too much of your time. I'm afraid we need to be getting home for dinner." Rosalie said. She couldn't get out of that house fast enough.

The Webers appeared equal parts scandalized and amused as the Cullens and Denalis made their goodbyes.

Once the door shut on them, Angela turned to Ben and said, "So, why don't you tell me all about the party last night? I'm sure it's a wonderful and entertaining story. I'd like to hear about it from you first, before I hear about it from someone else." She smiled sweetly.

Ben thought that he was so screwed.

Revered Weber walked over to them and said, "Ben, when you and Angela are done talking I'd like to chat with you alone in my study." He looked thoughtful and walked away without another word.

Ben Cheney cursed the day he ever laid eyes on Tanya Denali. And her left boob.

As they drove off into the night Rosalie glared at Emmett, who said, "What? What did I do?"

"You opened your mouth." Rosalie snapped.

"Uh, Rose, baby?" Emmett sounded pathetic.

"Yes?" her response held a frigid tone. She looked so regal when angry.

"Does this mean I don't get my reward tonight?"

"We'll just have to see about that Emmett." Rose smiled.

The Denali sisters laughed. Tanya started humming in a sweet soprano the tune "Jesus loves me." She had enjoyed meeting the lovely Webers. These humans were so entertaining. She couldn't wait for the wedding, the reception, too. And that Ben Cheney. mmm mmm mmm. She wanted another chance to dance with him.

* * *

**Please Review Emmett needs some love. He sure ain't getting any from Rose any time soon. **


	12. HOD pt 1 Pride and Tribulation

**Author's note: Starting now we're going to move into a mystery. I will most definitely be bringing in the comedy as well - particularly in the next chapter. Remember that this is an AU piece. This particular chapter will take elements from the Twilight Saga, but it is going to put a different spin on them. Additionally, there is violence in this chapter although I've done my best to keep it from being unduly graphic. Because this is the actual beginning of Cullenary Coupling, and Edward has an awful lot of explaining to do, this will be a long story arc. I do promise we will cover the honeymoon and the betting and the seduction. If I do this right, all the first chapters will take on new meaning after you read this arc, and it will also set up the rest of the story quite nicely. **

**I've sprinkled clues throughout and the plot is going to get extremely complicated from this point forward. If you skim, you will get confused. If you skip a chapter, you will be lost. And many of the chapters are long. I will be putting story summaries before and after each chapter but they will not cover every single detail. If something doesn't make sense, please feel free to PM me.**

**In order to understand the rest of Cullenary Coupling, you have to appreciate Edward's point of view. He's been hiding many things from Bella and his family. And he just might surprise you. Our Edward is a brilliant actor, he's rock stubborn, and his motivations at times are not so nice. In upcoming chapters he will be getting schooled. He'll be a little gloomy in this chapter - next one he'll be hilarious.**

**Also, if you have the chance please stop by the thread for this story on the AU forum and say hello. I don't bite. much. Kidding on the much part. **

**Much thanks to my awesome beta vjgm for aiding me with this work oh, and validating it too. :)**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Sister Claire, Starched Shirt Edward, and the Predator characters are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Cullenary Coupling - Heart of Darkness - Pride and Tribulation**

**EPOV**

One of the things I most admired about Carlisle was his eternal optimism --his belief in the inherent goodness of all things formed by the hand of our Creator. I remembered little from my human life, but I did recollect vague glimpses of attending Holy Name Cathedral with my family on Christmas day, wearing an uncomfortable suit and tie with cotton shirt that had a starched collar. Surrounded with the rich flavor of incense, I recalled kneeling in devotion and praying with my head bowed in quiet reverence by the side of my parents following the priest's Latin. I remembered the feeling of contentment that washed over me as I gazed at the light glinting off of the golden monstrance on the altar that held the Eucharist. I knew that I had serenely believed in a merciful almighty God and the promise of eternal life after death in His embrace. My faith had told me so, and it never occurred to me to question it.

I reminisced that at the time all my efforts had been directed toward obtaining a chance to fight in the Great War with my friends and prove myself a man to my parents. My Mother had feared for my safety, but my faith in God told me that he had a destiny in mind for me that meant I would survive and live to achieve valor on behalf of our country. I had been stubborn in my conviction in His immanence.

Then the Spanish flu had swept through Chicago like a wraith, greedily snatching my helpless family into its spindly arms. I remembered lying in a cot in the sweltering overcrowded hospital ward hearing the sobs and noises of the sick and smelling the combined stench of vomit, urine, excrement, and fear. I recalled wondering why I could hear my Mother's voice, but my Father's remained silent. I remembered being violently ill, held in my sick Mother's arms, frustrated at my weakness and protesting that I felt better and that she needed her rest. As my fever had climbed higher, and I had drifted in and out of consciousness, it had started to occur to me that she was frightened. I recollected assuring her that I would recover, and worrying on her behalf as I saw her decline, trying to encourage her to drink the water she offered me.

It never had occurred to me to think my family would die, and the frantic desperation in my Mother's eyes I ignored, instead thinking that I had to help her be strong by insisting that all would be well. After all, God had great things in mind for us. I recalled being stunned as she succumbed at my side after a hushed conversation with our family doctor. The last memory I had was of weakly crying at her passing, realizing my Father had died as well by the look in Dr. Cullen's sad eyes. I recall reminding myself that I would live on in their name and accomplish great deeds to bring glory to the Masen name. I recollected not wanting to shed tears in front of Dr. Cullen and wiping my face with my sleeve as he covered my Mother's body with a stained sheet. I had the sensation of being carried away and lost consciousness, falling into the fever's embrace.

Things became confusing at that point. I remember jerking awake at the feeling of lancing pain in my neck, arms, ankles, and in patches over my heart. I remember screaming as that pain was repeated several times, wondering what could possibly be happening to me, as I writhed on a sheet of canvas on a musty wooden floor. I sensed every part of my body being engulfed in flames, and thrashing and screaming in anguish. The voracity of the sensation as it ate through my nervous system was one that makes me cringe to this day. I recall begging God to let me die and please end this torment, and weeping in misery when my plea received no answer.

I heard a voice telling me that all would soon be well and the contact of a cool hand holding mine. I felt gratified knowing that at last God had listened and my heart would stop, and I would join my Parents in Heaven. I know I begged piteously to the sympathetic voice that cared for me through my seemingly endless ordeal to please take my life. The last thing I remembered was hearing my Mother's voice telling me that she loved me, and the feeling that a train car had fallen from two stories out of the sky and landed on my chest. My heart felt like it shattered within my body before an invisible hand ripped it out while still beating. I recall screaming like a wounded animal, throwing my arms open reflexively as my body seized, and the pain stopped, like someone had flipped a switch.

I remember feeling happiness that now that the misery had ended, my eternal life in God's embrace would soon begin. I recall opening my eyes and peering around in confusion for my Mother and Father. I wondered why, if I was in heaven, was I on the floor in a wooden cabin wearing bloody clothes laying, I sniffed at myself revolted, in my waste.

"Hello Edward, do you remember me?" my family doctor said.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen. Did you die too? Why does heaven look this way? Where are my Parents? And if we're in heaven, why do I smell so horrible?" I croaked.

"Son, you are not in heaven yet." His odd-colored eyes met mine in compassion. He seemed almost hesitant to speak.

"But I died. I know I did." I stubbornly insisted.

"True. But you still live." He answered kindly.

"Why? And I think I need something for my throat, if you don't mind. I have this terrible burning feeling in it." I said, as my hands went to my neck.

I recall in that moment remembering the loss of my family and starting to sob. To my surprise, I couldn't weep tears although my shoulders shook. I remember feeling ashamed for burdening him with my grief. And having him see me in a befouled state mortified me. I had not soiled myself since I was a toddler, I thought, in abject shame.

When Carlisle patiently explained to me what I had become, I recalled feeling that God had abandoned me casting me out into the endless frigid night. My naive visions of eternal life and predetermined glory filled destinies returned to mock me. I could not feel His presence and falling back upon my religious upbringing, wondered what evil I had wrought in my seventeen years on earth to possibly deserve such a fate.

I remembered the first thing he told me as the realization sunk in was that I needed to have faith. I had no way of responding to that plea. The next thing I remember was my revulsion at looking in the mirror and seeing bright red eyes staring accusingly at me where ones green once had been. Carlisle explained to me after I screamed in terror that this was normal for a newborn vampire and that it would fade within a few months. Shaking, I resumed stripping myself of my filthy clothes, trying to maintain a calm manner.

"Dr. Cullen, I think I should go lie down and sleep. My head aches." I said tentatively, while cleaning myself in his small bathroom. He had placed a fresh change of clothing on a counter. I noticed shiny white glowing scars all over my body: on my neck, my wrists, my ankles, my forearms, and my chest. They seemed to be in the shape of teeth, I thought to myself, baffled. "And I have these marks that almost seem to be glowing that might need attending. That can't be normal." I complained.

_"Oh the poor child"_ I heard Carlisle voice whisper quietly sounding like it was coming from far away. I decided to ignore that since I knew I was probably acting like one.

"Son, please call me Carlisle. As a vampire, you cannot sleep, and the marks are from your transformation. I'm afraid since I've never made another vampire, that I had to guess with you and may have bitten you more times than was necessary."

"Will they fade?" I responded, numbly.

"I'm afraid not. Our venom which is what transforms you also leaves a permanent scar." He moved his shirt aside so I could see his shoulder where he had two similar marks. He wore a look of guilt on his face.

_"I've never done anything like this before although I've witnessed other transformations his seemed exceptionally painful."_ I heard a voice that sounded like his in my mind. I dismissed it thinking that since his lips weren't moving I was hearing things in my state of shock.

I had never realized how much I had missed dreaming, and the oblivion that sleep offered until I had lost the ability. Now, I had no diversion from the constant state of being something other than human. I had wondered to Carlisle if we could not dream, if we could not recharge from sleep, how we stayed sane? And I instantly questioned my mental fortitude when I realized, with horror, that I could hear another voice in my brain when I talked with him: a voice that sounded very much like his. Understanding that I could hear his mind scared me, because I had no understanding of how that came to be. When I blurted out in panic my problem, Carlisle had no good answers beyond saying that in my mortal life I must have been highly perceptive in reading people.

I remember Carlisle explaining to me the benefits of being a vampire. We could think deeper, faster, and on multiple levels in comparison to humans. Every sound, sound, and smell we detected were saved perfectly in our minds to be remembered at a time of our choosing in exquisite detail. We were unimaginably strong in comparison to humans he told me, as he hefted a boulder across a river.

The first time I saw myself in the sun, he explained to me the rules we all lived by - avoid detection at all costs, tell no one, and make no mistakes with newborns or face the Volturi. While I marveled at my new abilities, I could not help feeling lost, unable to communicate with Carlisle my fears, because I did not want him to experience guilt for granting my Mother's dying wish that he do everything in his power to ensure that I lived. I also sensed a deep loneliness in Carlisle, and could not imagine how he had survived on his own without someone to share his secret for all these centuries. He did not have to inform me that we also felt emotions more strongly than did humans. Loneliness experienced by a vampire would have shattered the mind of a mere mortal. It would have been beyond the capacity of the human to bear.

Because of my newborn bloodlust, I had no one other than Carlisle to turn to for comfort and reassurance during those difficult first years. I had initially intended on leaving him and joining the Army - only to have him explain that as a newborn I would be so overcome with bloodlust that I would most likely kill everyone in sight both friend and foe. As vampires in North America at that time were rare, besides Carlisle I lacked any other company of my own new species to gain a sense of perspective. To protect me from myself Carlisle had quit his job and moved us to a remote cabin in Ashland, Wisconsin.

I felt guilty that he had made this sacrifice on my behalf considering how lonely I sensed him to be. I felt like an ingrate for complaining about my fate. So I held my tongue. And I did my best to pretend with him that I had accepted this new life, and excused any emotional outbursts as attributable to my newborn status.

In the time we lived alone away from civilization, I had learned to accept Carlisle as a Father substitute. Beyond his company one of the few joys I had I experienced occurred when I ran. Although I had enjoyed running during my human life, the speed that I now possessed was breathtaking.

Whenever upset, I would, accompanied by Carlisle, go for a run. Quietly, I despaired at the lack of interaction with others to test my theories about my newfound nature. As my human memories faded, I panicked.

I remember thinking that if I forgot my past, how would I be able to keep the faith and live up to the glory of the Masen name? Carlisle had warned me that this could happen and had suggested that I start keeping journals of everything I recalled from my human life. I spent months scribbling down everything I could remember.

The day I forgot what my own Father's face looked like, I remember tearing trees out by their roots, shredding their trunks while screaming aloud and shaking my fists at the heavens in frustration. The sunny blue sky mocked my pain, it seemed. If I could not remember who I was when I lived in truth, I thought, then I would cease truly to exist and simply become an animal.

Placing his arm on my sobbing shoulder, Carlisle had quietly embraced me sitting beside me on the ground. "Edward, often God gives us challenges in this life. It is up to us to respond to them with grace."

"I apologize for my outburst. I am frustrated at my inability to remember. I am sure this will pass."

I lied to Carlisle because I had desperately wanted to believe him.

As each day slipped into endless night, I fought furiously to retain my human memories spending countless hours writing in journals frantically trying to freeze myself in time, feeling them gradually slip away until I could only remember flashes of faces and ideas. The winter day I opened my first volume and read and did not recall any of the events on the page, wondering for a moment whose book I had found, I think the little that remained of my soul vanished into nothingness.

If I could not have my memories of whom I had been as a human, then how could I still be me? It seemed the young man in the starched shirt truly had died in every way in Chicago, although I heard him whispering to me from time to time. The journal had dropped from my hands, and I ran outside into the blizzard screaming when I realized the frigid wind had no effect on my body, and my frantic breaths did not produce the expected clouds of frost. Carlisle had chased after me, finding me sobbing in a snowdrift, and had brought me back to the cabin.

I felt awkward beyond words to have to rely on Carlisle's perfect memory to explain to me what my Father had done for a living or where I had lived for all of my almost 18 years on earth. When he suggested changing my name to Edward Cullen, I did not hesitate to adopt his surname. Edward Anthony Masen had died. Hearing that surname hurt. Cullen sounded like a strong name.

Carlisle had gradually exposed me to humans over the next several years testing my resistance to their scent. I had struggled at every step, mentally declaring myself evil and unworthy of being around them in the aftermath of experiencing intense blood lust. The several close calls I had along the way terrified and repulsed me, although Carlisle argued they had reflected progress on my part. Although it was far better than the alternative the instinctive rush I had felt when draining an animal dry had left me bereft afterward sitting on my knees hating what I had to do to blameless beasts in order to keep from attacking innocent humans. And the euphoria that I felt while sucking the blood from the poor animal only added to my disgust.

I had known that Carlisle would feel guilty if he understood the extent of my self-loathing, so I did my best to hide it from him. I could not begin to comprehend how God could turn me into a beast that instinctively sought to cannibalize others for their blood. Carlisle had patiently insisted we continue our exercises to build up my resistance.

I had discovered along the way that I had reserves of talents. My ability to read Carlisle's mind had comforted me to see his thoughts were every bit as kind as his compassionate words. Along the way, I had learned I possessed an unusual talent to act and mask my true emotions. He had no idea of the depth of my suffering. And I planned on keeping it that way if I could possibly help it.

When I had discovered, to my shock, that I could read the human minds around me like I could Carlisle's, it only added to my feelings of alienation. The ability to hear their every thought compounded with the very real need to keep my physical and emotional distance acted to divorce me from the little bit of humanity that I had been able to tolerate. Also, it had offended my notion of manners that I could hear their every private thought. I had felt like the worst kind of monster raping their minds without their knowledge unable to stop the flow of information. I had tried despite the lack of exposure to humans to believe in my purpose, to struggle against my nature. Then Carlisle decided to add to our family.

As I had survived my newborn year without killing anyone, he felt safe taking a night job at a local hospital. Three years after my change, Carlisle found Esme in the morgue. He told me he had recognized her battered body as the young girl he had treated for a broken leg years ago. The attendants had explained to him that she had jumped from a cliff after her newborn son had died. As they left her body on an examining table before him, Carlisle had detected a faint heartbeat.

I think in that moment, he realized that despite my company, he was still lonely. He had this strange expression on his face when he showed up at home carrying her squirming body wrapped in canvas. I remember being appalled at the devastation her fall had wracked on her pitiful frame when he had removed the cloth from her to lay her on the ground in the same place I had awoken all those years ago. Watching her transformation had been ghastly.

Esme's thoughts had screamed in my mind along with her voice, as I experienced both mentally and aurally her terror at the burning that enraged her form. I had felt pity for her because her mind believed that her estranged husband was beating her again. Carlisle had winced when I explained her thoughts, and had gently held her in his arms while she cried, telling her that she was safe.

Part of the turning process, Carlisle had explained, entailed the body ridding itself of unnecessary fluids. I had been appalled to see her dark blouse become soaked in breast milk, wincing as Carlisle explained the loss of her child. The smell of the milk had started Esme screaming about her baby, which made it that much worse. She kept crying that she needed to feed her child.

I had gone to my bureau and retrieved a shirt offering it and a towel to Carlisle so he could change her into something that would not remind her of her baby. I had turned to look away as he had used his hands to gently express the rest of the milk from her breasts and cleaned her before changing her into my shirt. The impact of the fall from the cliff had broken her spine, both legs, and one arm, as well as fracturing her skull. Her body, when the clothing was removed had been essentially one large bruise, from what Carlise said. I took his word for it, because I refused to look at her without clothing, feeling that would be violating her privacy. I had expressed disbelief that she could possibly endure the transition given her wounds.

Carlisle had looked at me sadly and said, "Edward as long as the heart is beating our venom can cure just about anything. But the state of her body will make her transformation unfortunately more painful because her bones will have to knit together literally in hours. Also, because pain killer depresses the heart rate, I could not afford to give her any. She might not have survived the transition. I wasn't sure exactly how to go about making a vampire when I bit you, and I've always regretted that you endured as much suffering as you did because I suspect I bit you in too many locations. Hers is going to be every bit if not more, painful as what you experienced."

Carlisle looked away. I did not answer because I simply did not know what to say. I would never have condemned another to this life. I loved Carlisle and prayed that Esme would take to it better than I had.

At the end of the third day, she had opened her eyes, taken one look at Carlisle smiled beautifully and said, "You saved me." I could tell by her thoughts that she rejoiced at the sight of him and noticed he felt equally as amazed. He looked like someone had smacked him across the forehead with a plank, if that were possible.

I couldn't help but feel lonely in that moment in comparing her happiness at her change with those I had experienced. I left the house for a week to give them time to become accustomed to one another after Carlisle assured me he could handle her. Since he had the time off from work no one noticed his absence.

Carlisle and Esme, once I returned, claimed to be deeply in love. Along with her grief at the loss of her child, I could hear the happy thoughts radiate from them both. At first, Esme had a hard time dealing with both emotions simultaneously. Carlisle was amazingly patient and helpful with her.

They married shortly thereafter. The awkward part involved Esme having to use forged documents and another name to accomplish the deed. Legally, she was currently married to a vile creature named Charles Evonston whose abuse she had fled after being abandoned to his clutches by her parents.

The addition of Esme had made our existence somewhat easier. And helping her through her newborn years had offered a welcome distraction. Although I was happy for Carlisle I could not understand the emotions he experienced. That initially bothered me but I ultimately dismissed it from my mind thinking that perhaps that meant that romantic love was something I was never meant to find. Esme had taken one look at me and instantly considered me her child. I had been awed at her ability to love me as her own, not quite believing it to be capable. I had not wanted to hurt her feelings, so I had not turned away from her maternal affection. Her presence made our family feel complete.

Carlisle when he felt I was emotionally ready explained to me the steps he had taken to protect our secret in Chicago. He had created a false paper trail making him my relative and leasing out my house after storing all my family's possessions. He had hired trusted workers to pack everything I now owned as he had his hands full at the time with me. He explained to me that I now was extremely wealthy and gave me a box containing my Mother's jewelry. While assuredly grateful for all that he had done on my behalf, I couldn't help appreciating the irony. Although I owned riches beyond my wildest dreams, I felt an extreme poverty of the soul. I set aside my Mother's jewelry, knowing that I would never be giving a wife of my own, thinking that one day I could look upon the baubles without feeling the pain of my Mother's loss. I recalled a vague memory from my human life of her holding the ring out to me. I placed it gingerly back into its velvet case and snapped the lid closed decisively and hid it in the back of a box.

In 1927, Chicago had become my temporary home. I had decided to go out on my own for a few years and live independently. I had assured Carlisle that this was necessary to prove my control. Privately, I had wanted to give him and Esme time alone as a couple. I had always left our home when they were intimate as my vampiric senses and ability to read minds had made the lack of privacy extremely uncomfortable for me and I knew for them as well.

I had only recently been working on my ability to block the roar of other minds and practicing on Esme and Carlisle during their lovemaking seemed repugnant - not to mention ungentlemanly. It was that very situation that drove me to need to find more minds around me to gain control of my gift. At that time, I had felt mortified to be able to hear my Parents at their most intimate moments and lack the ability to block their thoughts while still hearing every rustle of movement from their small bedroom. So with the best of intentions I had decided to live on my own for a few years to practice my gifts so that living with them would become easier.

Using my money that Carlisle had set aside, I had found a quiet abode where I could live but not be disturbed by others on the outskirts of the city. The first time I walked into the city proper the amount of thoughts around me had created this literally wall of sound that made simple cognition difficult. I had run home immediately. Gradually over the next six months, I had learned how to block the thoughts until I could still hear them but they were not as intrusive. I had taken it as a sign of progress when the predator side of me could scan the minds around me to identify those that could possibly pose a threat to my safety while pushing the mundane ones to the background. Realizing that my mind could operate on multiple levels following multiple minds at once had been one of the few times I felt impressed at being a vampire. I spent weeks testing my range. Carlisle had explained to me that talents might start out weak but progressively grow in strength the longer we existed (I couldn't say the world "alive" and think of myself). I found that statement to be true regarding my gift. I could follow the minds of people for a few blocks at first, and gradually increased it to several miles before I reached a limit.

I continued to fight to believe in Carlisle's words about the state of our soul until the first time while wandering the streets of Chicago late one night and practicing my gift I lost control and murdered a human. I knew from his thoughts he had planned on killing and violating a tiny child of his neighbor. I had stopped him as he had reached for the sleeping little girl in her bed. After having followed him for miles listening to his perverse thoughts, I had dragged him away from the room. From his frantic thoughts, I had also gleaned that he had slain 15 children under the age of 8 years in 15 different cities and had considered it a game. Although I had initially simply planned on killing the man once I snapped his neck, I immediately lost control. My mind went blank and I experienced the most amazing rush of power as I gave in to the creature within me in a blind rage. I hadn't hunted in weeks, and fell victim to my natural appetite in a moment of justifiable anger.

As a counterpoint to the young man sitting in church in the starched shirt, the creature standing before the pleading murderer methodically draining him of his blood seemed like an entirely different being. I had embraced the satisfaction I felt not only from the act of feeding, but more importantly, in protecting the children in the area from a predator. Knowing I could kill two birds with one stone seemed liberating. The sensation of euphoria that had rushed through me convinced me at the time I had found my calling.

For the next three years, I had lived away from my family feasting like a glutton on the blood of criminals as often as I could find them. And there seemed to be no dearth of criminals in Chicago. I had piously convinced myself that although taking lives was regrettable, I acted to protect the innocent.

When I had found Esme's estranged husband trying to murder another man, I had felt vindicated in killing them both. After all, both men's thoughts had revealed multiple killings between them. I had left Esme's husband's body with his blood intact because I had wanted it to be found by the police. The other, however, I had cheerfully feasted upon without a second thought. And now, Esme's marriage to Carlisle could be real legally with him gone. They had been forced to use fake names to escape the crime of bigamy when they had wed. I had arranged for news of his death to reach them, but never told them that I was responsible.

For the first time since waking up on the floor in the cabin, I knew emotions like joy and happiness and satisfaction. I took pride in a sense of accomplishment as I nightly patrolled the streets of my city. I actually found myself smiling from time to time. The sense of ecstasy from feeding was second to the sense of justice in ridding the world of it scum that preyed on the weak. Chicago, during that time, experienced one of the lowest crime rates in its history. I knew why.

During my time in the city I had also rid it of five vampires who had not been discriminating in their prey. Initially, upon hearing their thoughts, I had been overjoyed to discover another of my kind, hoping to be able to gain perspective and perhaps a friend. I had been disappointed each time in searching their thoughts to discover every one of them simply functioned to hunt every human they could find and feed as often as they could without care to gender, age, or discovery. Each vampire I had encountered had been baffled initially upon finding me, thinking that I merely wanted their meal.

I had not bothered to explain myself while dismembering and setting alight their corpses. I knew they would not have understood. It gave me a boost of confidence because two of them had been older than Carlisle, and I had still dispatched them with ease. My mental abilities meant I could find any vampire that entered my territory and word must have spread because I did not encounter any others during my time there. I discovered a newfound love of battle and thrill that, once again, I could use my strength to protect humans.

I told myself that Carlisle, in relying on animals, had been misled. We were not designed for privation. We could find a way to make our unique gifts useful in protecting humanity and still be true to our nature. I never attempted to try to explain this to him, because deep down inside I had not wanted to face his rejection if he disagreed, as I had suspected he would. I had not wanted him to know I had turned from the path he had recommended as being the most humane. I had not wanted him to be disappointed in me. So I cradled my newfound sense of accomplishment to my silent breast and kept my distance. I did not encounter any other vampires during that time to compare notes, and insisted to myself that I still had a purpose and could live this way for eternity. My rebellious years and the happiness I experienced during them halted the winter night I killed a wealthy young man who for thrills enjoyed murdering the innocent for sport.

I had been wandering through a bad section of Chicago during a snow storm when I had heard his disgusting mind while he was attacking his prey. I had raced through the pitch black alley and had torn his body from his crumpled victim. Gleefully, I had snapped his neck and had savored feasting upon his blood, taking my time dispatching him in the dark. Uncharacteristically, I had drowned out all other noise in my wrath. Once I finished with my meal, I had only then noticed in the inky darkness a young woman sobbing curled on her side in the filthy alley the snow couldn't hide. I had never actually stopped an assault in progress - I had always sought out criminals either before or after the fact. People who met me never lived.

In that moment, smelling her fear and her blood, I had been sorely tempted to drain her as well. That had caught me off guard, as I had never taken an innocent life. I had looked into her eyes in her battered tear streaked face, and had seen reflected in them a fiend. Reading her mind, and seeing her terrified reaction, initially had tempted me to follow my instinct. I could not have word of my nature spreading through town and bringing on the wrath of the Volturi on my head.

In my brief hesitation, I had failed to notice the delicately engraved silver knife embedded to the hilt in her chest. It gleamed in the night, surrounded by several stab wounds that bled furiously. My main memory at the time had been relief that I would leave no witness behind. I had stalked to her side as she had quailed from me, lured by her blood as it poured from her chest. At such a late hour and in such extreme cold, I had little fear of other witnesses stumbling across us. As I approached in the dark, I had noticed moonlight glinting from a silver cross on her breast, and an outfit I belatedly recognized as a habit with its white starched collar partially covered by a black woolen cloak. There were two limp forms beside her on the ground, rapidly cooling in the night air. I couldn't believe I had not noticed it earlier, and attributed my inattention to my rage and bloodlust.

I remember being appalled upon reading her thoughts of the attack to realize that her murderer had first slain her escorts - a flaxen blonde cherubic looking boy named Simon of 6 years and his dark curly haired brother Bartholomew of 12 years. I looked at their slit throats, terrified faces frozen in death, and staring eyes. Both had broken arms in their struggle to live. Simon's left hand had been shattered. Bartholomew's jaw and all his ribs had been broken. Both of his hands had been bloodied from his fight to protect Sister Claire and his brother. They had never stood a chance.

In my time on earth, I had seen, even committed acts of savagery, but I had never personally witnessed the murder of children. To my disgust, I felt the pull of their sweet rapidly cooling blood and if I could, I would have vomited in that second. My instincts warned me that the faster their blood cooled, the less appealing it would taste and goaded me to pounce upon them all. I swallowed a mouthful of venom, and briefly closed my eyes, gathering my will power.

It had appalled me to realize I had almost gaily feasted upon dead children and a victimized young nun, and worse, that my blood lust meant I had dallied with her attacker for sport. Now it was too late to save a truly innocent being. I may have been an animal, but I remembered enough of my human life to realize that women and children deserved better treatment. I had realized that as she had devoted her life to God, killing her would have been the ultimate sin. My eyes skipped over the cross and focused instead on the white cotton of the collar of her habit. It reminded me of the idealistic boy before the flu had crept in the room to spirit his soul away.

Although the emotionally detached part of me had longed to end her considerable suffering, I had not been able to bring myself to snap her neck. And I had wondered why I never had hesitated to kill a criminal, and yet had paused to watch her suffer and die, withholding mercy. As she had wept, I had remained silent standing motionless and observing, my thoughts wavering. Finally, I had decided the least I could do was wait for her to pass so she would not die alone in the dark. For reasons that had bewildered me, my feet would not permit me to leave her abandoned in the alley. I had resolved that even a fiend's company would be better than no one at all save the corpses of children and the storm.

I took a small step closer keeping my features calm and really looked at her face for the first time. Her vibrant dark red hair peeked from under her veil, and she possessed lovely green eyes - eyes like mine as mortal, eyes that were the same color as my Mother's. I could tell from her mind that she was 30, the age I would have been had I lived. Her thoughts indicated she had been on her way to tend to a woman in labor a block away. She had walked these streets for years without incident and could not believe that she had been attacked. I could feel her pain. It surprised me that I could understand how she felt. I had long believed I had lost the capacity to empathize. I had stopped trying years ago. As the seconds passed and I did nothing to harm her, she had mentally decided that she would try to talk to me to see if I could help her and the children and keep her attacker from harming her further. She had thought him wounded, not dead.

"What did you do?" she whispered blood flecking her lips. I could hear it spreading in her abdomen as she wheezed, and knew it wouldn't be long. I fought against the desire to drain her on the spot.

"I killed him. He murdered the children. I'm sorry that your wounds also appear mortal. Is there someone I can contact? You don't have much time." I said impassively from four feet away. I saw the image of St. Mary's church come into her mind. Although this was a poorer part of town, the church crouched four blocks away like a sanctimonious gargoyle. I could read her thoughts to see that my face seemed abnormally calm given the news I had imparted.

"Thank you....St. Mary's. And please don't let them ...." She gasped in pain and wept looking at the children. Her thoughts told me the children were orphans who had been under her care.

I heard her thoughts as she recited in Latin aloud a prayer Roman Catholics were instructed to say before death, "_Deus meus, ex tot corde poenitet me omnim meorum pecccatroum_.... Her faith shone through her thoughts, I observed, curiously.

Regardless of her pain at losing the children, her physical pain at being assaulted, her desire to forgive her murderer despite her agony humbled me. Her prayer faltered as she weakened, mentally ending it before saying the last line. It had been one I had known well from my mortal life. Surprisingly, I could remember it verbatim although many of my other human memories had dimmed. I translated the portion she had uttered into English in the silence of my mind. I could not utter the words in Latin. I was not fit to: _"Oh my God I am sorry for my sins. In choosing to do wrong, and in failing to do good. . ."_

"I'm sorry." I whispered and for reasons that I questioned to this day hesitatingly crouched down beside her, reached out, and touched her hand as she cried. Her cry startled me and I jumped in shock almost like a human as our hands connected. Compared to my own, her hand felt so warm. My action represented the first time I had willingly touched another human in kindness. It had been so long I had forgotten what simple touch felt like. Fearing her revulsion, I moved to withdraw it only to have her clutch onto my hand with impressive strength. I could see in her mind that my face again looked stone-like and adjusted it into something approaching a sympathetic expression. I tried to think of Carlisle. She relaxed a bit and I realized from the thoughts in her mind that it had worked. I looked almost human, albeit distant. It was so cold outside her tears froze on her cheeks as they fell. With my free hand, I took a handkerchief and carefully dabbed her face.

"What is your name?" She gasped back a sob.

"Edward."

"Claire. Ed..... you did good."

"Believe me when I say Sister Claire that I did not." I could tell my eyes were changing with the absorption of the blood I had consumed. I tried not to stare at the gushing blood on her chest. I stopped my intake of air.

_"There's no steam coming from his lips in this cold. He's not breathing. He's not human. Has God sent me an angel?"_ She thought in her mind. That surprised me and I looked at her startled.

"I know .....your hands and eyes. You're not breathing Are you an angel?" She grimaced. She mentally thought to herself that she was not making sense. But I understood her every word. As no one else was around and I knew she would soon depart this realm I decided to indulge her, disappointed in what I thought she was requesting.

"No." I said in a clipped tone.

"Will you please-" I cut her off

"Ah then you do not mind spending your last minutes on earth with a soulless creature. Or are you asking me to make you one of my kind? I would never curse another to this existence." My tone was frigid as were my eyes.

"Edward. I .... accept death." She stopped and coughed. Blood sprayed from her mouth landing on her cheek and the handkerchief I held against it. She was becoming weaker and it became difficult for her to speak. But I could read her thoughts. _"A soulless creature would not hold my hand. Or talk to me. Or care. God loves us all." _I could see shock setting in as her features became paler.

"That's a lie. God does not love _all_ of us." My harsh words belied the fact that I gingerly held her hand. She shivered from more than the cold.

I could sense from her thoughts that she knew I could read her mind in that moment. She looked relieved rather than frightened. Her next thought haunted me, _"Sometimes the most devastating lies are the ones we tell ourselves, Edward. God loves you. Else you would not be here with me. You have a purpose in this life."_

Claire's breathing suddenly became more labored. Staring at the knife in her chest she begged with her eyes. I knew that if I removed it she would die within seconds.

"You have the choice, you can wait for death, which will take about fifteen minutes, or I can pull the knife from your chest which will kill you in under two minutes." I kept my voice calm as my free hand reached for the blade. I recalled one of Carlisle patients dying under similar circumstances. I was not a doctor, so was only guessing.

In a gesture I will never forget, she stopped my hand, and nudged it weakly away from the knife. Mentally I heard her say, _"My life is in God's hands."_ She looked at me took a breath, whispered, "Oh, God." She gave one last anguished look at the children, regretting her inability to protect them, and pleaded with me in her mind to care for their bodies.

The words sprang from my lips, astonishing me, "I will," I said to her. I'd like to think she heard me, but she was unconscious by the end of my utterance.

Ten minutes later Claire quietly died. It humbled me that as she lay dying she thought of everyone else but herself. She did not go gently into that bitter night.

I pulled the knife from her chest ignoring the sucking noise it made on exit. The moonlight glinting from the blade gave me pause. The fact that I had wanted to drink her dry as I had awkwardly held her hand and watched her soul depart her carcass was like peeling away a film over my eyes. I had seen my hunting of humans - even though I had targeted those that belonged in the gutter for what it truly was: sport in the name of food. Her assurance that God loved me while I hunkered over the pitiful broken bodies of two children I had failed to save only served to remind me how far I had fallen. Her kindness reminded me of Carlisle and in that moment I knew he would be disappointed in what I had become.

Kneeling before her corpse on the icy ground like a penitent on marble, I finished the words of her prayer aloud for her in English, _"And I firmly intend with the help of your son Jesus Christ, to go and sin no more. Amen."_ I said the prayer for her so that her soul and those of the children would be welcomed in heaven. I knew better than to pray for myself.

After disposing of her murderer's body, I had cleaned her face and those of the children as best I could. I might have killed more than my fair share of men, but I had never before seen bodies of women and children in anything but the minds of criminals. My hands had trembled almost like when I was human as I used snow to wash away the dirt and blood and make their bodies as presentable as possible. Since having awakened as a vampire, I had never laid a hand on a human before without the intent of harming him. So I used feather light touches to quickly complete my work.

In the dark of night, I spirited their corpses to St. Mary's as she had requested. I had not entered a church since my change and walking in with their bodies - having to break into the building to do so had seemed to be oddly appropriate. Those doors were forever barred to me, regardless of what she said about God's love because she had not known how many lives I had taken. I had left them on the floor before the altar, hands clasped in prayer, covered in the pilfered altar cloths from the sacristy, taking the knife with me. Knowing I was unworthy, something had compelled me to take holy water and make the sign of the cross on each of their foreheads asking God to watch over them.

Although I knew the myth about holy water burning vampires was a fairy tale I had been surprised that my hand had not stung or the water boiled over when touching the font for the first time since I had been turned. I had left a note on Sister Claire saying that they had been avenged, accompanied by enough money to pay for their funerals and masses to be said in their names for a decade. After clearing my quarters of my few possessions, I had fled Chicago that bitterly cold night clutching the knife and my bloody handkerchief in hand.

I ran like the devil himself pursued me with grasping hands, and swore that I never wanted to see that city again.

The happiness that I had felt evaporated to be replaced by a sense of numbness as I thought on all the mortal sins I had willfully committed in the name of righteousness. Once I hit a forest with tall trees I frantically climbed to the top of the largest one I could and sat there for days looking towards the north where I knew Carlisle and Esme lived. I don't recall much of what I thought during those days in the tree. I only know that at last I decided to climb down and run as fast as I could. My sense of moral superiority faded with each mile I put between myself and the city. Eventually, I found myself standing on a frozen lake and fell to my knees. Dante, in his tract on the Inferno, had described the lowest form of hell as a world of ice. The worst sin was treason against one's lords and benefactors. Dante described these figures as punished by God to be trapped under ice. I belonged under that ice, for I had most assuredly in my hubris betrayed everything my vampire Father had taught me. I wanted to cry, but instead lay face down on the ice. A bird cried out causing me to flip over in surprise, and I realized it had started to snow. I heard a party of humans coming nearby, hunting. And I ran as fast away from them as I could straight north to find Carlisle.

Like the prodigal son, I had returned to the welcoming arms of Carlisle and Esme. It had taken me three months from that night to work up the courage to approach them. I had hunted and gorged myself on every animal I could snatch within my desperate grasp. Since I had lived in the wilderness I did not have access to a mirror to determine whether or not my eyes had changed color from maroon to topaz to hide my shameful deeds. And I had no idea of how long the process would take.

Finally, I decided that it didn't matter that my family would judge me regardless of how long I drank animals and that I needed to get this over with, to see if they would welcome me home. They had asked no questions, expressed concern at my ragged clothes and guilty eyes, and allowed me to tell my story at will. Changing in the bathroom after cleaning the grime from my body, it elated me to see that I only had red flecks left in my irises. They would never have to know. I had felt so ashamed that I had never told any of my family the true extent of the lives I had slain. Instead, I vowed to perfect my self-control and to never hunt a human again for food.

Carlisle sensed my loneliness. He decided to move the family to Rochester, New York to give us a fresh start and thankfully a larger house offering more privacy. In the dark of the night on his way home from work, he stumbled upon Rosalie Hale's battered body, and had brought her home and changed her hoping she could be my mate. I had taken one look at Rosalie's ethereal beauty and remembered her haughty manner while alive, knew that I could never feel any romantic pull toward her. I hadn't realized until the words escaped my lips that Rosalie had heard me dismiss her to Carlisle. I had winced at causing her further pain in addition to the agony she now suffered, mentally calling myself a jackass. I decided it was best she not start this life with any misunderstanding. Despite her histrionics during her newborn year and her campaign of vengeance on her attackers, Rosalie blended well into the family. She clutched to my parents while I held myself aloof. She became the child they so desperately needed, and I did not resent her for it. After all, I was damaged.

Rosalie and I did have in common our despair at being a vampire although I couldn't let her know I shared that sentiment. Perhaps that was why I never argued with her. Carlisle told me that I had been an only child as a mortal so having a sibling was new to me. Rosalie turned her pain into a different direction than mine. She constantly thought of how she missed being a human. She found Emmett wounded in the forest in 1935 and returned with him in her arms begging our Father Carlisle to change him, walking away with her bewildered but enthralled mate three days later. Emmett had never questioned his feelings for her I could tell by his thoughts, merely reinforcing to me the idea that love was not for me to feel. I quickly bonded with Emmett once he calmed down from his impressive newborn rage that had kept all of us occupied for the better part of a year.

Jasper and Alice showed up on our doorstep in 1950 completing our family. I could tell by their thoughts alone that they were mates when my eyes first fell upon them, although they were not physically demonstrative. Jasper's Civil War era mannerisms forbid treating a lady in such a fashion in front of an audience. Their connection however, was the strongest of all the couples. It seemed odd that everyone had somehow stumbled upon their mate by chance while I remained alone by choice. Odd to everyone but me. We changed names every time we moved. The next place we lived she had taken the name Mary and ever since then in my mind I privately thought of her as Mary Alice. I did not treat her differently than the others, though. I stayed in the background so they would not be bothered by me.

In the years since that time, although I had been tempted, I had never slipped a single time. All it took whenever the smell of someone's blood tempted me was to recall the image of those bodies in that alley on that winter's night. I used those feelings of impotence at not being able to medically assist Sister Claire to seek two different medical degrees at Ivy League institutions. The pull of the blood had been so much that completing my residencies had not at the time been an option I wanted to risk. I had continued with other degrees at other colleges. I earned three masters in biochemistry, four masters in biology, and ten bachelor degrees in various areas of the liberal arts usually earning double majors with each one. I had applied myself and had learned 47 languages fluently. Most importantly, I had rediscovered the joy of the piano which I had not touched since I had been a human, spending hours composing. Music became the key to maintaining my sanity and I lost myself in it as often as I could. Mother worried that I played without emotion. So I turned to the outdoors for solace.

I mentally blocked out the years I had spent in high schools around the world as a waste of my education. But I had endured that time in part to atone for my sins to show that I could exercise the necessary self control to refrain from behaving like a monster and to keep learning how to act like the human I no longer was. I perfected the art of blending in, but keeping people at arm's length. I spoke only if directly addressed by another and answered in clipped but polite tones as briefly as possible. When they thought me aloof I did nothing to change their minds. It never occurred to me to make friends with any of them because I knew being around humans in private was not a good idea for my self control. My siblings followed my example. Soon no matter what school I attended, humans left me alone.

Like Dante in the woods, I had somehow wandered from the path over the past 90 years, only to awaken at Father's words to me today about my relationship with Bella wondering how that had happened. Day after day of longing to be something _other_ than a vampire had changed me. Night after night of wishing to be something that did _not_ constantly crave the life's blood of the frail humans around me had eventually transformed me into this wounded and scarred leviathan encased in a perfect shell. And the wounds in my soul had spread to the relationships around me. I seemed to poison everything I touched. I thought back to how I had treated my family all those years ago.

Although I had tolerated the love of my family, I had kept them slightly at arm's length in my heart. I had not been able to admit to anyone, including myself, the pain I had felt. Being able to hear everyone's innermost private thoughts without having a mate of my own with whom I could share mine wore at me. I had tried to shield myself from hearing the passionate expression of emotions of my family members night after night, often going into the woods and running for hours. My music collection and ability to close off my mind had also grown exponentially. I had refused to let my family know how achingly lonely the past 70 years had been being the odd one out in a family of happy couples. My pride would not permit me. I could not burden them with what would never change.

I was content to be single; it was better that way, really. Who would ever be capable of loving someone as loathsome as me? Besides, I had met thousands of incomparable women in my lifetime, both mortal and immortal, and not a single one had ever made a strong impression. Some had left me briefly flustered; others I would have liked to imagine myself with in improper ways for brief ungentlemanly moments. My brain stuck to its pattern of dismissing them all. In the end, none had aroused in me anything more than a mentally impolite appreciation for her charms. I had long ago abandoned the hope that anyone could come into my life and complete my heart. Then that _human_ girl came stumbling into my classroom and ripped apart my life.

I had never in all my existence smelled, much less imagined, inhaling any fragrance on earth quite that exquisite. And I had concurrently never had such a strong desire to resist that instinctive drive. The bewildering impulses to feast upon and protect this dainty girl sent me literally scurrying for the hills of Alaska within a few hours of setting eyes upon her. I could not comprehend how roughly seventy-five years of endless vigilance could be swept away in seconds.

Tanya had been frightened by the wild look in my eyes when I had shown up on her doorstep begging shelter. From the initial expression on my face, she had initially thought I had massacred the entire school. The topaz of my irises told her otherwise. With a slightly irritated tone she said, "Edward, could you please explain to me why I am sensing lust coming from your form, and it is not aimed at either me or any of my sisters?"

"I met a _human_." I said that like I'd killed legions of humans - which actually I kind of had - but hadn't done just then. I couldn't keep the revulsion from my voice.

"You meet humans every day, dear boy. What of her?"

Sheer desperation took control of my tongue and forced my lips to splutter, "I wanted to ........I ....."

"Oh. My." Tanya stared at my mortified face. "Are you telling me that you are physically attracted to a human girl?" She tried to keep her tone even, and wondered how physically attractive this female was in comparison to her and her sisters. Tanya couldn't imagine anyone not desiring her, yet still wanting another. Then the professional Tanya took over as she offered me her compassion.

"I don't even know her. I don't understand how I just want to tear her throat out the second I see her. It's horrible."

"Wait, are you telling me her _scent _affects you?"

"Yes. I've never smelled anything that glorious before in my life, Tanya. It's like this invisible hand has reached out from hell and forced me to focus on her whether I want to or not. I hate it. I had to leave."

"Oh, Edward, you're not really attracted to this girl at all, silly boy." Tanya looked so relieved; I had to hear her answer.

"I'm definitely sure I felt something ungentlemanly toward her, Tanya. Why else would I want to leap upon her that way?"

"Do you remember when your brothers met the women they killed without hesitation?" She referred to unfortunate incidents when my brothers had both encountered humans that they instantly killed. The fallout had been horrific.

"Yes, my word, Emmett and Jasper both could not explain what compelled them. I felt so terrible for them."

"They met their singers."

"Pardon me?"

"A singer is a unique person, a fluke that Nature put on the planet. Her blood is irresistible to that particular vampire. We call them singers because it literally waves across you like the delicate notes of an aria. No immortal can resist a singer. No one; except, of course, you, Edward Cullen. Do you have _any_ idea how rare you are?"

Tanya's thoughts indicated shock at my impressive control. Wait. Control? That was control? I always suspected Tanya was insane. This, beyond all doubt, proved it.

"Why would you think I had control? I'm telling you, specifically, Tanya, that I could not control myself around her. I left due to the effects of her blood as you call it."

"Did you kill her?"

"Heavens, no."

"That's my point, Edward. She still lives. That has never happened in my lifetime." Tanya had been around for quite some time as an immortal. Although I suspect it would have been rude to point out her age.

She continued, "You're simply feeling an instinctual drive towards her. And you've shown that you can control yourself enough to sit by her for an hour and not kill her? Edward, that's astounding. I think that you can go back to Forks. The beast has most definitely not taken you over."

Once away from the scent in Denali, my pride drove me to return - furious at being discombobulated by a dull short human girl. After a firm chat with a bemused Tanya, I felt more assured of my immortal self control. There was no way in Hades that I would permit a solitary mortal female to dictate my life and break my clean record. With a curled lip and sneer firmly in place, I returned to Forks within days.

My family members were relieved to see me. Father said, "Edward, I'm delighted to see you back so soon."

I wanted him to know I had not dined on any humans while away from the family homestead and worked up the willpower to look him in the eye.

"Perhaps we should move?" I couldn't help but ask, fearing the effects of her blood on my will.

Rosalie said, irritated, "Is this about that human girl?"

"Yes, I'd rather like to avoid killing her. I'm afraid her blood smells so good to me that I .....fear I'd risk exposing us." I had spoken more in the past few days than I had in the past six months. I hated talking. My hands shook, so I put them on the side of my legs, with flattened palms.

Emmett said, "Edward, I've never seen you even close to slipping. If you didn't kill her right then after sitting in a room with her for an hour, you're not going to kill her if you see her a second time. Just make sure you hunt. I think you can do this, kid." He clapped me on the back cheerfully optimistic.

I had only made one suggestion. I hadn't asked. And they had refused to even consider that it was a request and dismissed it from their minds. With a pit in my stomach, I realized that my family wouldn't move for me.

Now I had two choices. Move to Alaska and continue to fend off Tanya's increasingly irritating seduction attempts and her sisters refusal to become involved in the fracas. Or remain in Forks and deal with the short version of all three of them packed into one form that I actually really desired. Sort of. At least the blood part. I couldn't leave my family. I had to protect them. I owed it to them. And if I wanted to remain a Cullen, then I had to reside here in my new hell.

Jasper sensed feelings I didn't bother to hide and said, "Edward kill her. It will be easier on us all."

Rosalie agreed, "We'd understand, then you could go back to normal."

Before our stunned Parents could correct anyone I snarled, "Anyone who harms her will deal with me." Seeing their ogling eyes, I wanted to flee the room and the house and froze in place like the proverbial deer in front of the headlights. I could not believe those words had come out of my mouth. And I didn't say I was sorry, because I wasn't.

Mary Alice smirked, instantly having a vision that she blocked from my mind. She chortled, "Oh, this is going to be so fun to watch" and sailed merrily out of the room. She called after me, "Oh Edward, you can't kill her because I see she and I will be best friends."

The rest of the family members simply stood slack-jawed gawping at Alice's prediction. We have never interacted with humans individually - well, at least the children in this family did not. It was too dangerous. Mary Alice must have lost her mind, I swore, and joined Tanya in the lunatic asylum. Wait. Never mind.

I looked at Jasper and said, "You might have added a little too much sprightliness when you influenced your wife just now."

Jasper answered, "Your thoughts know darn well, I haven't done anything to her or _you_ for that matter."

He raised an eyebrow thinking to me that I currently emanated this fascinating combination of lust and loathing and left the room seeking his wife's embrace. My brother attributed my behavior to the influence of that human girl. He thought that once I decided what to do; I'd go back to the normal quiet kid that sat in a back corner not making a noise.

I returned to my bedroom to skulk and come up with an answer to the mystery of the lovely dull human girl I could not keep my nose from chasing. I had to have a plan by the time school started again. I decided the first thing I had to do was hunt to the point of gorging, in order to ensure I maintained my control. Something told me I would be requiring vast reserves of it in the immediate future.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I wanted to establish just why Edward hated himself. I never felt the books answered that issue. **

**Have you ever wondered why he put up such a big fight about changing Bella? **

**Why he insisted on marrying her? **

**Why he couldn't stay away from her? **

**Have you ever wondered why he would take it upon himself to make major decisions about Bella or their relationship without consulting her? **

**Have you ever wondered why he even made the agreement with her about marriage? **

**I have. And I have a different explanation with a different plot that kicks in over the next few chapters. **

**I've deviated from canon here in what his siblings in the book and his parents knew. Here, only Carlisle and Esme know he killed someone – Edward never told them the extent of what he did. In the books, he felt he belonged to the family. Here, he does not.** **His change was made all that more traumatic because he didn't feel that he could tell Carlisle how much he hated, absolutely hated being a vampire. So his outbursts as a newborn were attributed to newborn hysterics. And remember, Carlisle didn't have any experience with raising a newborn. Most importantly, Edward has gradually forgotten emotions like love. **

**Have you ever wondered why Bella took one look at him and just knew in her heart of hearts that he was the one for her while still feeling deep down inside that he would leave her? Have you ever wondered why Edward came across like a stalker watching her while she slept following her around and couldn't leave her alone? And why once she KNEW about it and she didn't take out a restraining order? I have. Again, I have a different explanation.**

**The following chapter will be lighter in tone, with more humor. Because Bella is going to rattle his world. You'll be reading my AU version of how their relationship developed and what is keeping them both awake at night. To me what is important in this section is to show how Edward as a whole evolved - and that means how he views himself, how he relates to his family, and of course how all that changes once he runs into that dull human girl he can't keep his eyes (or nose) off of. Also, you'll see how Bella changed and grew and you'll understand a different view of that whole wolf/vampire dynamic. And there's a mystery thrown in about just what is so special about Bella Swan. **

_**Here's a teaser for the next chapter:**_

_**The idea of all this drama over one stick-thin human baffled me. Besides, at 110 pounds, by my calculations I predicted she had only 7 pints of blood. Had she been a 300 pound linebacker with 20 pints it would have been a different story, not to mention awkward with me following him around with passion filled eyes sniffing his neck in ecstasy. Considering that we normally hunted animals that weighed well over 200 pounds - a brimming pint of beer to humans - I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the image of this tiny girl. In comparison to my normal blood intake it was like being an alcoholic who was constantly stalked by a shot glass brimming with the most exquisite scotch, trying to avoid drinking it. Regardless, I had to maintain my perfect record.**_

**Thanks for reading. And please leave a review if you have time.  
**

**I absolutely adore hearing from you, and I answer every one. Then there's the fact that they sincerely do inspire the muses and make me want to write faster. :)  
**


	13. HOD pt 2 Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.**

**Thanks to vjgm for being an awesome beta and her input.**

**This chapter is dedicated to OxyMoronic8 for her invaluable assistance and inspiration that gave me the spine to take it places that I was too afraid to try. I hope you enjoy what you read here. If you do, realize she inspired it.**

**If you have not read her story Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary, please run over and do so as soon as possible. I suspect you will soon join the ranks of her fans known as the OxyMinions.**

**On an entirely other note, I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the absolutely amazing reviews you have left, particularly with the last chapter. Most made me positively misty-eyed. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, thank you for taking the time to give me feedback, and wow many of you just wrote the most insightful things. It actually made me work harder on this chapter to make it better and I hope you find that the extra effort shows. **

**In our last chapter we learned of the trauma of Edward's turning and of his rebellious years. We also learned that he lied to his family and never told them quite how bad he had been. Now Bella Swan, his singer has entered his life, and his family has refused to move. Edward truly feels that he's on his own in solving this problem. He cannot understand how it is he could feel such odd yearnings for a dull human girl. Edward has lost his memories of love. He has no idea what it feels like to love a woman romantically. And because he hates himself, he has to come up with some rational explanation for why he feels the way he does.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Two - Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know**

After I recovered from the blind abhorrence I felt toward my own personal Delilah enticing me with her blood, I decided to use this predicament as a test of my will power. For the past 75 years I had done my best to avoid thinking of my rebellious years. I had clung to the hagiographic image of the martyred Sister Claire as a reminder of what made me scurry home like a child hiding behind a parent's knees. I had chained the beast that roamed Chicago all those years ago into a corner of my mind and quietly hoped he would die of the cold. Despite choosing to live as a vegetarian, I knew ultimately there would be no absolution for one such as me, although I tried to atone each day. But I acted to show my parents they had not completely wasted their time taking me back. A tiny sliver of me remembered Sister Claire's hope. I convinced myself in returning to Forks after fleeing from my singer that initially the human girl had represented nothing more than an interesting puzzle: one whose delicious blood inexorably lured the predator in me.

Around my family, I acted jittery Sunday night, but alone let my true feelings show. I literally fled into the inky forest outside of their hearing range to pound my anguish into the ground with my feet. Howling in fury, I shook my impotent fist at the sick forces of fate that sadistically dangled a singer within my grasp after years of honing my control, a bauble I could never reach. A flock of ravens perched in the Western Hemlock trees took flight at my roar, and the other animals in the area ran for cover.

Attempting to exorcise my demons, I smashed boulders with my fists and ripped large trees out by the roots snapping them to pieces by the light of a crescent moon in the bitter chill of midnight. And I knew I could not let anyone know how much I feared killing the human would unleash the fettered beast I ignored, the one they never knew existed. In being damned as a vampire, I had lost my family, my self, my name, and my soul. I hung onto the Cullens with my fingernails as the only good thing in my Sisyphean-like existence. Unwittingly, this human threatened my lone source of succor.

Granted, we had crept out of towns in the dark of the night before when someone became suspicious but never because of anything that I had done. I acted as the protector of the Cullens; the one who scanned minds for threats. Practiced to perfection over the decades, I had worn a mask for my family so they would keep me.

The quiet brother, I acted as if I preferred solitude and scholarship when they paired off with their mates. To give them privacy most nights I left to run, returning at dawn to change clothing for the next day. I rarely fought with any of my siblings beyond the occasional squabble, and always let them have the last word. I never raised my voice above conversation level. I did not talk as much as I wanted to for fear of offending them, so often observed in silence. Preferring sarcasm to fisticuffs, I did not often wrestle with my family. They probably thought me weak because I let them win when we did.I preferred my ability to be on the fringes of the family to preserve my solitude and join them at will.

Earning perfect grades and blending in seamlessly with the humans around me, I vigilantly sought to behave like the model child for my parents. I had, after all, put them through over three years of agony. My pride compelled me to use the 75 years since to illustrate that taking me back had been worth it. I had sufficient control. It outraged me that suddenly I became the black sheep, the problem child after decades of perfection. And I cringed at the idea of Father or Mother bringing up Chicago in a family conversation, as it had never been discussed. I considered it a private matter between my Parents and me. None of my siblings knew.

My pride ached that my Parents thought that I could stumble along that dark path again. They had only a vague idea of what I had done in Chicago. By what I did not say, I might have possibly given them the impression on the day I appeared ragged and humbled on their doorstep with slightly maroon eyes that my slip up had been recent, and the lives taken few. I could not bear to let them believe otherwise, and I hadn't lied outright. And every time someone mentioned me killing my singer, it provoked in me a violent emotion I knew I could not show, one I could not even allow myself to feel in Jasper's presence for more than a second.

All of my family members tried to avoid killing humans not only because it was morally wrong, but because they wanted the family's respect. My vigilance had been constant these past decades because I feared one mistake would unleash the creature. If he came out again, I don't think I could have borne the consequences. I noticed how everyone treated Jasper with a watchful, sometimes wary eye, because of his violent past, which encouraged my silence. My nightly solitary runs became the only time I could really be free to think or have emotions and maintain my privacy. I always feared my family would learn of my sins, become sickened of me and send me into exile. After all, you couldn't have two mass murderers in the family.

I have come over the years to mentally think of Carlisle as my Father. He had explained to me that my gift could become more powerful over time, or that I could discover new ones during my newborn year. At the time, I could detect the thoughts of others within a house. So when they sought privacy for their thoughts, my family either would recite something silly in their minds which was our agreed upon signal that I needed to leave them at peace, or simply leave. Over time, my range had grown to where I could now hear thoughts within 50 miles with little effort. I held this knowledge secret to my chest. I had no desire to invade someone's privacy. I needed to know if my family went out of range what they might say or decide about me. I reasoned that I had to be mentally prepared for the day they came to me, handed me my bag, and showed me the door. Also, I could keep them safe. No one could get close to us. So I never left their side aside from my nightly runs.

Upon Jasper's arrival, I discovered I had a new gift. I had feared his talent could expose my past - and shatter the image I had worked so hard to build with my parents and Rosalie. I stayed far away from him at first, until I discovered what his range of effectiveness was, and that I could mask my emotions around him. I learned how to hide my sentiments by acting the emotion I wanted to project. I imagined sliding a heavy stone over the emotion I truly felt, shoving it down into a corner of my mind into nothingness, and then called up the feeling I wanted to display. It took a few tries, but eventually through experimentation, I realized that I could control most of my emotions around Jasper with ease. It required concentration if the emotion was intense. I'm not sure why, but I never let him know I could partially block his effect on me when he tried to influence how I felt. I hid that I could block Tanya's power, because I obtained a thrill out of not reacting to her. She needed her ego taken down a notch. And it gave me a singular outstanding trait among my family aside from my talent that I could quietly clutch to myself. I had discipline and she couldn't break it, no matter how many times the silly woman tried.

And most importantly, when I discovered I could block Alice's ability to predict my future, I definitely knew I had to hide that talent. It was Christmas 1960, and I had wanted to get her a gift without her predicting it so had been holding off making a decision. In frustration, I remembered thinking to myself that it would just be convenient if I could block her and had felt a pulling sensation in my brain. She had been surprised when she had opened her gift, wondering with delight how I had managed to fool her. I recalled the tugging sensation and tried it again with a random decision during hunting a few years later. Again, it worked.

Alice's gift did not automatically turn on with every decision we made, but my new power gave me the certainty that I could be truly private if I desired. And I used it sparingly so that she would not become suspicious. As a result, this represented my one expanded power that I had the least familiarity with to be able to control, having only used it twice in fifty years. I did not understand how it worked, and was not even sure I could replicate it again. And now I had to be the perfect brother and son, and needed to rely upon Alice's ability to predict my future, to ensure that I did not harm the family. Or the human.

The idea of all this drama over one stick-thin human baffled me. Besides, at 110 pounds, by my calculations I predicted she had only 7 pints of blood. Had she been a 300 pound linebacker with 20 pints it would have been a different story; not to mention awkward, with me following him around with passion-filled eyes sniffing his neck in ecstasy. Considering that we normally hunted animals that weighed well over 200 pounds - a brimming pint of beer to humans - I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the image of this tiny human girl. In comparison to my normal blood intake it was like being an alcoholic who was constantly stalked by a shot glass brimming with the most exquisite scotch, trying to avoid drinking it. Regardless, I had to maintain my perfect record.

When I returned to class, I made a point to be charming and engage the human girl in conversation in biology a time or two. I kept the talk restricted to our labs because I knew them so well I didn't worry about forgetting what I was talking about, since her aroma distracted me. Perhaps out of spite, knowing the effect of our scent on mortals, I breathed on her a few times and mentally smirked as I saw her pupils dilate while she fiddled with her hair, blushed prettily, and stammered: definite signs of arousal. Accidentally, our fingers touched during the lab and the tingling sensation that raced through me startled me so much that I diligently avoided contact with her blissfully warm skin. Perhaps her odd brain's ability to block me caused the spark I experienced? In all my years as a vampire, I had never felt anything like it shaking the hands of others.

Ultimately, my decision to surrender against my better judgment and pursue her had shocked no one more greatly than myself - because it sprung from deception. It all started out with a simple ingenious plan of mine. Longing to be left in peace to study my singer, I blocked Alice from predicting my future so I could think and plan for a short time. I needed a disturbance for my family to keep them occupied. Esme looked wistfully at me wishing in her thoughts that I could find a soul-mate as all her other children had.

What better way than to distract them than offering them a bigger problem, like a vampire-human romance? Such unions were completely unheard of in our world, humans being considered the equivalent of cattle. One of the main rules we vegetarians lived by as part of blending in with humans was that we were never completely alone with one for fear of slipping, and doing something rude like drinking them dry. With the constant need to avoid detection, the very idea of shy me wanting to publicly court a human girl, my singer, would definitely worry my family.

I decided to spring the plan into action that night.

My Parents sat on an overstuffed loveseat holding hands. I stood casually leaning against the wall arms crossed, and my siblings were sprawled out either on the floor or the sofas in pairs. Father spoke first, "Edward, now that you have met your singer, do you understand how very careful you are going to need to be?"

"Yes Father. I do not want to hurt her. There's something about her I can't describe that gives me this strong need to be around her though," I muttered, looking down as if ashamed.

"Dear, you sound like you're developing feelings for this girl," Mother said with confusion and a bit of excitement.

"Oh man, that's messed up." Emmett crowed, scandalized.

"Why?" I sent him a wounded glance. This was going to be too easy.

"Um Eddie," I hated that nickname, not that he knew it, "no offense, but being a vampire and all, you give entirely new meaning to the phrase, 'Mad, bad, and dangerous to know.'"

I ran my fingers through my hair, "I know. But it seems prudent to try to increase my exposure to her every day. She's quite lovely." I smiled, stammering. Well, she was. That much was true.

"But she's 17! And you're old enough to be her great great-grandfather," Jasper blurted in a horrified tone. Fine, it was perfectly moral to kidnap and slaughter humans for decades, but dating was crossed the line? Jasper had issues. Serious issues.

"What do you suggest Jasper, trolling retirement communities for dates with this face?" I pointed at my chin, "There's a dearth of single female vegetarian vampires here."

Father sounded concerned, "Edward you need to keep in mind that besides school you do not have much practice being around humans. I know you go out of your way not to touch them. You could kill her with a simple hug."

"I understand. I avoid touching her in class. She's so delicate, and she falls often," I said.

"This whole idea is stupid. You're risking the family over a _smell_ Edward. That's all the human is to you. When you combine her scent with the fact that you can't read her mind, she becomes the ultimate Edwardian Forbidden Fruit with the equivalent of a mental chastity belt," Rosalie spat, "Just drink the human already. We'd understand."

My Parents gasped at Rosalie. I clenched my fists at that comment but kept a blank expression.

Mother said, "Rosalie, I'm shocked that you would suggest murdering an innocent human. We would leave before that ever happened. Edward, I've never seen you so protective of anyone," she sounded pleased. If this made Mother happy, then I would give an epic performance.

To remove the tension from the room, Emmett as usual, came to the rescue, "Man Edward, I never thought I'd see the day when you became just like any other guy."

"What are you prattling about, Emmett?" the words were sharp, but I softened them with a meek tone, and a few bewildered blinks.

"Well, the typical guy goes nuts over what he thinks he can't have, and it just makes him want it more."

"So, now you're saying I could never attract my human?" I looked uncertain.

Mary Alice reassured me, "Edward, of course she will like you. Even I can see that. All the girls at school stare at you all day long although you seem to be oblivious to it." She smiled at me while her mate simply glared. Curiously, she started humming and blocked me.

It suited my needs to have them believe me besotted with the human, rather than know I seriously considered drinking her dry every single second of every single day since I first had her within my grasp.

When discussing the situation at home in the living room that night, I noticed the family called her "Edward's human" or "Edward's singer". I felt almost misty-eyed at the idea of having someone to call my own, until reality crashed in and I remembered I couldn't cry tears, and most likely would never be desired by anyone mortal or immortal. Nevertheless, I started thinking of her as "my human" or "my singer." She was, after all, designed by nature specifically to appeal to me.

I studied my human at length feeling the entire time like a moral degenerate. No matter how diligently I tried, I could not force myself to stay away from this slight girl, and that compulsion alarmed me even more. I made sure she never knew. It started with me sitting hidden on the roof of her house breathing in traces of her fragrance. But the wind interfered and she started cracking her window at night, despite the chill in the air. Fortunately for me, the heating did not work quite right in her house. My singer's bedroom was overheated in order to keep the rest of the house at an optimal setting. She seemed uncomfortable, but never complained to her father.

With the window cracked at night, it seemed logical to move to the large Sitka Spruce tree outside her room. Due to the direct air flow, her scent easily reached me. I reasoned that being in her presence close enough to smell her scent, but invisible outside of her dwelling seemed respectable.

I didn't look at her. Much. Seeing her peaceful in slumber made me miss bitterly being human and able to dream; so I tried not to look. Sitting in the tree nightly, absorbing the fragrance of her blood, and increasing my resistance meant she stayed alive. It was the right thing to do.

My family discovered my nighttime activity and was astounded. I continued to act as if I were too shy to approach her during the day and was working up my courage by developing resistance to her scent. I had been so quiet over the past 75 years they completely believed me. Besides, it was sort of true.

I suppose in human terms you could think of my perch in her tree as my personal den of iniquity. Nightly I sat awash in the drug-like sensations of bliss that simply inhaling her fragrance created in my being. The sensations were indescribable: both a physical and mental combination of ecstasy and pain at once. Emmett when describing the phenomenon he'd experienced upon first sighting his singer told me, "Man, it was like an orgasm only 1000 times better and it didn't stop. Your brain starts humming, your body feels overwhelming pleasure and you just had to possess it." Rosalie hissed in outrage. Emmett gulped, looked at me apologetically, and ran to grovel with a "Rosie baby....it was physiological reaction. It didn't mean anything...." leaving me to contemplate his words.

If sitting and experiencing the fragrance of my singer was 1000 times better than an orgasm, I contemplated, then I could effortlessly remain celibate for hundreds more years - as long as I could smell her scent. Because after experiencing this rapture, the idea of sexual intercourse seemed a complete waste of energy. To me, my nightly behavior seemed far more practical than spending time with her during the day when she was conscious. That would require conversation. I had pretended to be shy for so long that talking to her without a carefully planned script seemed impossible. Beyond surface interactions, I did not know how to behave with her generation. I'd never cared.

Gradually, I moved from the tree outside her room, to actually crawling in through her window to watch her while she slept, trying in vain to comprehend my behavior. It was a cold night, and she had kicked the covers off, and her body temperature was dropping. She was a sound sleeper. I couldn't have her getting sick: she would then miss class. Surprised at myself, I had never been inside any woman's bedroom, much less a sleeping one. Stealthily, I lifted her squeaky window, crept by her, and delicately covered her with her blanket. Since she was deeply asleep, it seemed natural to sit and keep watch over her from the rocking chair. She could kick the covers off again.

Remaining in her room while she slept seemed the ideal way to continue my desensitization. To preserve a sense of decorum, I watched over my human as she slept from across the room in the rocking chair. One day she fell asleep in the afternoon and slept through dinner. That night, she kicked off her bedspread revealing she wore only a t-shirt and lacy pink undergarments. Horrified at myself for not realizing the significance of her jeans on the floor, I turned instantly and fled in shame. From then on, I waited in the tree listening with closed eyes to her preparing for bed.

I noticed that she did not leave her things in the bathroom as most humans would, but ferried them to and from in a traveling case. It seemed a reminder that she did not really live there. With my eyes closed I listened to her dress at night to ensure she was fully clothed and sound asleep before entering the room. I had to show some level of respect. I had no desire to see my human unclothed; although she did have long shapely legs given her stature, and from what I had noticed, excellent taste in lingerie. I merely wanted to smell her blood so I could preserve her life. In the dark of the night, my singer sleep talked of how she missed her mother, hated Forks, feared snowstorms, and thought about me and my eyes. It was the closest we came to communicating, and I cherished each word that fell from her lips.

When Rosalie had discovered I had borrowed something from her garage, we had an unpleasant discussion about my recent larceny.

"Edward, what did you do with my WD-40? I saw you take it last night." She held the can out at me accusingly.

"I had a stuck window that required repair." I said, nervously.

Catching on, with an angry glint in her eye, Rosalie shrieked, "So you're bringing tools to help you sneak into her room at night? Have you graduated yet to peeping Tom status? You know there are laws against that. Freak. Just talk to her during the day and get it over with."

Imperiously, she spun on her heel, muttered about my sexual deviancy having reached the stalking level, and mentioned something about escalation. Then she blocked her thoughts by spitefully recounting pages from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition - the section that focused on sexual disorders. Shrew. Sniffing in umbrage, I quickly left the house.

One unseasonably warm and sunny Saturday, I hid in the top of a tall Sitka Spruce tree in my human's back yard, gazing down upon her reading one of her horrid romance novels. She fell asleep and I did not want to leave her unguarded. Despite being considered a warm day by Forks' winter standards, I didn't understand why she would be wearing a coat, wrapped in two thick blankets when most humans remained indoors. Part of me wanted to wake her. She could get sick, and miss school. The part that wanted to watch won the fight, the predator in me.

Enraptured by the play of dandelion colored sunlight against her luminous skin, I sat captivated at the sensorial feast that was the fragrance of her blood. As her body temperature, increased her scent magnified, making her more potent. She was so lovely, my human. Awestruck, I felt like I was actually truly seeing her for the first time. I memorized her features swallowing a mouthful of venom. Her cheeks flushed rose, and the rays of light streaming through the green canopy brought out the glints of auburn and gold in her thick chestnut locks. I found I could not stop caressing with my eyes her unbound tresses. That vision of her was seared into my brain in a permanent shrine.

I closed my eyes. For the first time in my existence, I imagined myself making love to a woman. The vision intoxicated me because the woman was my human, and she was wearing the cropped t-shirt and pink panties from the other night. Smelling her, while thinking such thoughts stunned me into the reality of my new hell. Mentally aghast at the turn of my unchivalrous thoughts, I knew she could never really be with a putrid creature like me.

Perhaps Rosalie _was _right after all. To the best of my knowledge, there did not exist a recovery program run by vampires to cure them of their desire for their singers. Most instantly drank them and considered themselves healed. Tanya had her Ph.D. in psychology; but I did not think I could discuss such private matters with her, much less my family, due to that whole wanting to leap upon me and have her wicked way with me business that had become tiresome. The devil in me, I must confess, felt tempted for one tiny moment to scurry back to Alaska to confess to Tanya of my "love" for my singer. It would strategically be brilliant; reinforcing the story with my family. Even better, recalling the expression of disdain on Tanya's face the last time we talked made me smirk. If she had thought me being attracted to a singer's blood was bad she'd lose what little sanity she had left if she believed I actually loved the girl. And that just might pay her back for all those years of trying to seduce me. With a sigh, I dismissed that plan, because it would be, inevitably, a waste of my valuable time. She was just a human girl, not worth two trips to Alaska. I had to solve this on my own. My human's heart rate indicated she was waking, and I could hear her father arrive home so knew she would be safe.

Clambering skywards, I leapt from the treetop to another one until I hit the middle of the forest. With the image of her in my mind, I decided to keep running to channel my feelings. I recalled my smiling Mother joking that I was wearing out my running shoes at a record rate.

Observing her through the minds of others became my main entertainment during the tedious daylight. Leaping with ease through the brains of the students around her the next school day, reminded me of jumping from tree to tree. Mrs. Cope looked with admiration at her Phoenix school records that showed straight A's and all AP classes, and frowned at the notes from the school counselor to watch her for signs of parental neglect. While lurking in Jessica Stanley's empty head, I heard my singer had never had a date with a boy.

Angela Webber and Tyler Crowley's minds showed that during gym, my human fell often and landed in an ungainly tangle of limbs. They quickly learned to give her space to keep from becoming a casualty of her clumsiness. Angela always helped her up and tried to soothe my mortified singer. Lauren Mallory's singularly marginal mind revealed she felt threatened by my singer's popularity with Forks' slobbering contingent of human males. Mike Newton wanted to have deviant sex with her and wasn't going to let the fact that he was technically a virgin and she was disinterested get in the way of the anatomically improbable sexual positions he imagined. I made a mental note to trip him at the next opportunity. I wouldn't share her. Ever. Erik planned on inviting her to the chess club and pursuing a friendship when she beat him in a game, which I did not mind as he was a true gentleman, and even better, quietly gay.

Within my singer's eyes when she addressed her friends, I found genuine warmth I had not seen directed at me by any human. Endearingly shy, she preferred to sit back and watch others talk, eyes shining the entire time. When addressed by others, she would develop this flash of panic in her eyes, pause and then answer. While the minds of my classmates were fountains of knowledge, examining her behavior at home revealed more.

She handily kept house for her Father. Her bedroom contained a simple twin bed, a small maple dresser pushed against the wall, a bookshelf, a plain wooden desk, and a wooden rocking chair by the large window. Her room held no pictures on her desk, and her meager closet held three pairs of pants, seven long-sleeved shirts, and not a single dress or skirt. Her lightweight clothing seemed purely functional. She had one item for winter, a woolen navy pea coat that had belonged to her Father 20 years before, and one pair of well-worn cloth tennis shoes. She made and received almost no phone calls or mail. Instead she spent every spare moment reading or cooking. Breaking into her email account in her decrepit computer revealed stilted communication between her and her grammatically-challenged scatterbrained Mother who seemed to always require advice. She was fluent in Spanish, and had a pen pal in Madrid with whom she discussed Spanish literature and current events.

My human clearly had an advanced grasp of literature judging from her volumes of poetry by Keats, Tennyson, and Frost. Her dog-eared copy of "A Child's Christmas in Wales" by Thomas showed generally good taste in her library with the sole exception being her battered copy of Wuthering Heights. She kept perusing the same passages involving that toad Heathcliffe which inspired me.

I had brooding down to an art form. I made a point of channeling my inner Byron, giving her furious glares and icy silences followed by awkward attempts to charm her with my most persuasive voice over the next few days in class. Looking in the mirror practicing I noticed I could only seem to smile half-way. It delighted me to realize that her heart raced at the sight when I grinned at her that day. That combined with her natural weakness to the scent of my body and my breath meant she never stood a chance.

The end of January brought a snow storm and Rosalie, Emmett and I were hunting at midnight. I found myself, for once, stopping to stare as the billowing snow unfurled on the ground like a shawl. The crunching noises of my feet crashing through the frozen layer of ice amused me. And the trees, my closest confidents in my times of solitude, stood proudly extending their long arms in welcome shrugging their shoulders every now and then casting flakes from the heavens to the earth.

Our family enjoyed racing during the storms because despite being vampires we were not immune to some of the problems ordinary humans experienced. We could fall and slip, although with little fear of damage. And we adored racing given the challenge the winter elements posed. Emmett and Rosalie ahead of me had sensed some deer and had started sprinting calling a challenge to see who could reach it first. I shook my head wondering why I was taking the time to stare at my surroundings and blathering about their beauty. Clearly spending too much time in the minds of the humans was having deleterious effects. I took off after my siblings.

Given the tension in our house over the past few weeks, the momentary return to normalcy buoyed my spirits. I remember thinking as I sprinted through the falling snow, that my obsession had grown to the point of being alarming. I now smelled my singer in places that she definitely was not. She'd been at home looking after her sick father an hour ago. I then heard the engine of her truck as it drove slowly down the icy road towards my siblings. I'd not been listening as vigilantly as usual, instead distracted by silly thoughts. Hearing the truck genuinely caught me off-guard, which explained my failure.

Rosalie focused on the deer in front of her blocking out all other sound in her desire to win. She looked up in surprise at the approaching headlights and froze as my singer's truck came sliding around a bend in the road hitting a patch of black ice. Rose's position on the road forced my human to turn the wheel frantically to avoid hitting her, not to mention the large deer, in the already sliding car.

My singer started turning the wheel to the left and carefully applied the brakes to try to control the vehicle. I sprinted as Rosalie gave the truck a gentle push to the right with her left hand on the driver's side trying to make sure it didn't hit her. She intended to aim the vehicle for a large snow bank. Rose's action caused my human's head to smack the driver's side window as the truck hit another patch of ice and hurtled instead towards a group of pine trees standing sentry before a large rock wall carved into a mountain. Rosalie watched horrified and wailed, recognizing in panic what she had done. My singer's dilemma was two-fold, the truck would hit the trees first and the braches would pierce the windshield. The tree trunks would break on impact so the truck would continue until it smashed into the unforgiving rock wall pushing the frozen tree branches further into the cab and her body. My human would most likely be impaled by the icy branches in the crash. Roaring, I used all my speed and moved in a blur.

Emmett stormed forward towards her truck's hood as he lunged, burly arms outstretched to stop the onslaught of the vehicle. I knew he couldn't get there in time. Seconds before impact, I flung open the passenger-side door and desperately dove for her with outstretched hands. My human's pained eyes were wide with fright, but curiously she did not seem scared for herself.

I pounced, and put my knees on either side of hers, placing my body between her and the steering wheel. I tore the seat belt from her waist so fast my hands blurred. Terrified that I would hurt her in my zeal, I seized her by the shoulders of her navy woolen coat and placed her palms flat against my chest. My left arm grasped her back and my right cradled her head under my chin. I tucked her form against my chest with my back offering a barrier. We might be immortal, but that didn't mean we did not feel pain when struck by something powerful enough to obtain our attention. I braced for impact. As she struggled against me futilely, I realized astouned, that she attempted to throw us both down against the bench seat.

I heard her terrified scream, "Edward, no!"

She was actually trying to save my life, I thought in wonder. Pinning her effortlessly in my arms, I hunched my shoulders to wrap my larger frame around her. I heard the thud of the hood colliding with the row of trees. The spear-like branches slammed through the windshield with whooshing noises impaling the front seat around my body. Glass shards from the windshield and a large branch from the tree slammed into my impermeable back and shoulders instantly pulverized, tearing my shirt, and might I add, smarting. A lot.

The momentum carried the truck to the rock wall with a crunch. I wondered why my human hadn't made a sound, and how she could feel so relaxed seconds after struggling in my arms. I could hear her heartbeat and respiration. I just couldn't make myself let her go for a few stolen seconds.

Emmett pulled open the driver's side door, thinking, _"Damn, that had to hurt."_ He stared at my back, impressed I hadn't made a sound. Exiting the truck, I glared at a frightened Rosalie with such vivid intensity that she backed away three steps. Belatedly, I realized my singer was unconscious, as I evaluated her pale features.

Emmett said at vampire frequency, "Um dude, you're not going to drink her are you? Cause I would kinda have to stop you. Sorry."

Ignoring him, I put her down on the road and felt for broken bones, detecting several cracked ribs, and gingerly brushed away pieces of glass. Probing her left temple, I could smell that she'd have a contusion. I recoiled in disgust as I smelled the bruise forming on the right side of her face where my fingers had held her still in her struggle to save me. Hating myself, I pressed slightly against the unbruised area of her cheek so that it would now be a larger mark and no longer resemble the shape of my fingers. I realized she'd have bruises on her shoulders and back in the shape of my hands as well and furiously started to plan. I was so repulsed at what I'd just done, I knew I couldn't do it to the rest of her back. I reasoned if I could keep her hospitalized for a few days, she'd never even be able to see her upper back. I prayed Father would help me. Rosalie and Emmett were too distracted to notice what I'd done to her as they gawped at her truck.

The sight of the truck's windshield bayoneted by multiple pine boughs that stabbed through the truck's bench seat chilled us all. I tried to forget the branch that was as thick as my thigh that had been crushed against my back on impact, one that would have certainly pierced through the center of her chest had I not acted.

At vampire pitch I whispered, "We were driving by on our way home with Rose at the wheel. She nearly hit us after she swerved to avoid a deer. Bring the others to help construct the accident scene. I need a change of clothes and we all require coats. And a deer." My shredded shirt was adorned with wood and sap. I had never given orders before. Emmett looked surprised but complied. I quickly called Father at work and explained at vampire speed the predicament.

Rosalie. furious and guilty as I ended the call, chided, "You know this won't end well."

I mildly replied at vampire frequency, "Rose, you're not helping. Please go hunt and and bring back a large deer. Preferably, the one she saw."

Recovering from her brief lapse of humanity, Rosalie sniped at the same pitch, "You just risked exposing us. Lord knows what she remembers. I could have saved you a load of trouble tonight had you not interfered." Irritated; she ran after the herd.

"Severely concussed patients often suffer memory loss and confusion, as you well know." I whispered after her retreating form. She ignored me.

Emmett arrived in the Volvo with Alice, Jasper, and Mother. Rosalie returned with the very same large deer, grumbling at the waste. Mother offered fresh shirts and coats. I changed behind a tree. On the frozen streets in the blinding snow, my human lay across Alice and I in the back seat, as Emmett drove expertly, Jasper at his right side. We left Rosalie and Esme behind to fix the site. I realized gulping a mouthful of venom that I was jealous of Alice as she stroked my human's hair tenderly. I didn't think I could get away with stroking her feet or her legs, but I held the to me in the event of a crash. Jasper snickered.

I remembered the feel of my human's hair on my fingers, the sensation of her small hands fisted against my shirt and the burn of her soft warm skin of her cheek against my shoulder during the crash. For once, I hadn't even paid attention to her scent, I thought, in wonder. I had experienced another shock when I touched my singer and decided that proved once again my theory about her mind's odd effect on my body. By reading Alice's mind, I knew my sister hadn't felt any similar shock upon contact. Odd. Very odd.

Emmett joked about the deep gasping breaths that I was taking in the close confines of the car as I swallowed my venom. He said I had now taken to "huffing" my human. I ignored the buffoon. Marvelous, I now had the new Emmett approved sobriquet of Human Huffer. I had bigger problems than nicknames as I had willfully broken a major unwritten Cullen law. Had it been any other human, we would have watched the crash occur before considering rendering anonymous aid.

Carlisle met us at the ER door as I related her injuries. I paced outside of the examining room as my siblings tracked my steps with morbid fascination. I had two M.D. degrees. I could help. Alice nudged Jasper who grabbed my arm and said, "Down boy."

Sulking, I backed away from the door. Father seemed to be doing a competent job as he examined my human. I would have ordered a more comprehensive battery of blood work, but his would suffice for the moment. He found a grocery list in her pocket along with a prescription for medication for her father. As best we could tell, she had been driving to the pharmacy to procure antibiotics for Chief Swan. Alice left to fill the prescription and purchase the groceries. I heard my singer as she came to consciousness asking timidly if Rose and I were hurt. I felt a strange almost choking sensation in my chest and wondered why her words affected me so. They were, after all, awfully inconvenient. If we were discovered, then I'd have to leave my singer. And I didn't even want to consider the possibility of her learning of our nature.

My changing expressions amused Emmett who started whispering at vampire frequency, "Huffer's got the hots, Huffer's got the hots, Huffer's got the hots for a human hottie."

Jasper whispered back, "Emmett that's just wrong."

"Mocking Edward is never wrong, brother dear." Emmett sang.

"The name is wrong. 'Huffer' doesn't have a ring to it," he quibbled.

"How about HuffWard?" Emmett chortled. "Oh, I like that."

They high fived and snickered, while I drowned them out, lost in my thoughts. Emmettly speaking, I was being verbally skewered for nothing more than a physiological reaction. HuffWard? Imbeciles. When did simply breathing to blend in with humans become a capital Cullen crime? She could have woken up in the car on the way to the hospital. Acting panicked was inspired, as was the gasping. I had perfect justifications for my behavior.

I heard Carlisle tell her she had a severe concussion and would be hospitalized. She insisted her father was sick and needed her, and that she needed to return home. Apparently, the only people she could call to help her and her father were out of town. She sounded frightened for her father. Carlisle promised to look in on him. He invited me to see her, leaving us.

My human looked so frail, and I stopped myself as my hand of its own accord started to reach for her bruised by my damned hand face. When her eyes flicked open I changed my mind. Instead, I clenched my fingers into fists, and dropped it against my side. I told her our version of the truth, which appeared to properly horrify her. And unfortunately she quibbled.

She said, "My memory is fuzzy, but I could swear I crashed because I saw Rosalie in the road. I was terrified I'd hit her."

I responded icily, "I'm afraid you are only partially correct. I have a rather vivid image in my mind of your beast of a car," I sneered, "sliding head-first towards my poor sister who was at the wheel or ours. You almost hit us head on. That's not something I could forget. And people with head injuries often have trouble remembering things." She stiffened.

"Oh," She whispered with a blank face. I ignored the twinge in the conscience I no longer had. I pressed harder, needing to ensure my family's safety.

"Considering you nearly killed us all tonight, I'd appreciate if this argument about reality stayed between us. Although it would be awkward, my siblings and I would haul the deer's corpse to the school's parking lot to prove your poor winter driving skills caused the accident, if necessary, to protect our good name.

"I killed the deer?" her tone seemed dull.

"That you most definitely did," I lied with a slight grin.

"I won't tell. I promise. I'm very sorry. I must have remembered it wrong."

I nodded icy expression frozen to my features.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" I was trying to make her feel guilty, and intimidate her into silence and she thanked me? She must have really hit her head. I'd have to talk to father about running more tests. Either that, or I had misjudged her sanity in the first place.

"You didn't have to bring me to the hospital. You could have simply called 911 and let the police handle it."

That would have been awkward. I could just see myself saying to a confused deputy, "We were hunting deer to drink their blood when this amazing smelling girl hit a patch of ice, and nearly inconvenienced my sister. She was awfully mad at having to use her dinner to make it look like an accident. And she chipped her fingernail polish which really has her fuming. By the way, I'm your friendly neighborhood vampire."

I'd accomplished my goal of saving my hide, so I left without a word. I didn't know how to answer her, so walking out of the room seemed appropriate. And even better, it was rude which would further seal in her mind our version of the accident. Having father oversee her care could ensure we'd know if she talked.

Using my singer's keys, Father and I went to her house. We medicated Chief Swan who had severe bronchitis, and promptly fell asleep. A quick phone call by Father saw him settled with round the clock nursing care for the next few days. Father had my human hospitalized for a week running extensive tests on her head. Angela Webber visited her every day. I had her to myself at night when she slept, so I thought that was a fair sharing singer arrangement.

Quietly, my Parents praised me for my actions. I had no words to say to such kindness, and left to go running to think on their words in private. Our Parents ordered Rose to repair my human's truck. I insisted she add anti-lock brakes, air bags, as well as a more comfortable bench seat that could be adjusted for my singer's height. I checked the quality of Rosalie's work thoroughly before delivering the car in the middle of the night with the keys left in the ignition.

I kept nightly vigil over my singer for yet another reason. Despite Mary Alice's predicting her silence, both Jasper and Rosalie had separately constructed plans while away from the house to kill her. Rosalie feared exposure and wanted to protect me from myself. I feared Rosalie could fall into drinking human blood. Jasper remembered the agony of his few seconds around his singer and he could not imagine how I endured my suffering and thought sooner or later I'd snap and they'd have to leave anyway. With his battle experience and tactical background he represented a formidable enemy. I found myself territorial of my singer because I knew Jasper found her scent appealing, and there was no way I'd let him have a sip if I couldn't have it. She was mine, and mine alone.

I caught each of them individually lurking outside her house at night on three separate occasions and growled. Ever the military strategist, while on a long run that night, Jasper pondered the unthinkable: killing my human at school the next day. He avoided making a definite decision to forestall Mary Alice figuring it out if she was looking. I stalked into our house the next morning and willfully risked 75 years of meticulous acting. I had never picked a fight or lost my temper with the family since being a newborn.

Pointing at Rosalie and Jasper for emphasis I snarled, "Both of you are going to stop your respective plans now." My family gaped at me in the stunned silence.

"I don't know what you're whining about now, Edward." Rosalie crossed her arms across her chest and glanced away; thinking of me as the shy, easily handled brother. She thought I'd quiet down with a firm word or two, dismissively. She should know after all; she'd been bossing me around for decades. Rosalie was in for a rude surprise.

"Let me refresh your memory. I'm talking about your plan to murder my singer. Or should I say both of your plans to murder my singer." Looking daggers at them both, I pointed my finger at each.

Rosalie panicked at the expressions of revulsion on our family's face, particularly her husband's. "Your obsession is going to ruin us all!" she shrieked.

Mother and Father stared at her, aghast and worse, disappointed.

"Edward, I know you're suffering. I just wanted to take the burden from you." Jasper said. "You'll thank me one day." His thoughts were patronizing, and he scoffed at the idea that I could hurt him.

"I'd like to make myself clear," I said in a menacing tone. Mentally, I uncovered the feelings I had hidden into that dark hole prior to walking within his range. The amount of rage I put into my shouted words was at an intensity and volume my family had never heard from me, "If you touch my singer I will rip you from limb to limb and set your pyre afire in the school parking lot, seeing as you planned on murdering her today at school in front of witnesses in English class. Brother or not, I will forget the past 50 years if you defy me," I roared, malevolently. I suppose, in that moment, he realized I had a temper.

The tsunami wave of anger and loathing that I directed at him brought him to his knees screaming with his head in his hands before I shoved the emotions back into the hole in my mind. As he lay curled in a fetal position on the ground quivering, his thoughts indicated serious contemplation of my surprising violent side. He had long ago judged me callow. In all his years, he thought amazed; he had never felt such intense rage from anyone, even during battle. I was usually so placid and quiet. Once the pain faded, he guiltily looked at his scowling wife, wondering if she had alerted me. Let them fight. I wasn't telling them my secrets. I had never needed them more.

"Rosalie, I've been working up my resistance nightly to protect this family. I've already proven my discipline. It's pathetic that you are afraid of one measly innocent human." Looking her up and down dismissively I spat, "Or does it kill you to see she makes me happy when I never gave you a moment's consideration all those years ago when Father brought you home to be my mate?"

At my withering tone, she wept. Emmett did a double take which made her cry harder. We'd never told him Father's original reason for bringing Rosalie home that night because we'd never discussed it amongst ourselves in the first place. That should keep them occupied for hours, I thought, with extra malice.

Father declared, "Bella is not to be harmed. Am I clear?" My entire family nodded. "Rosalie and Jasper, I feel the need for a fatherly chat. Accompany me to my study."

Mother led the way fuming, planning her own lecture. I walked away without a word. Mary Alice watched me the whole way blocking her thoughts.

Rose and Jasper both apologized when we returned from school. I kept watch over my human every night just in case. My Parents were touched to receive a handwritten note from her thanking them for caring for her Father and apologizing for the accident. She sent Mother a bouquet of flowers. The florist's mind, when I read it, had been touched at seeing her count out her saved change and worn dollar bills with shaking hands to pay for it.

She launched a campaign to pretend I did not exist, while keeping her word, initially to my amusement. My human made ignoring me into a competitive sport . It became the new Cullen pastime to cheer her efforts according to my siblings, considering me courting her would be so awkward. Seeing the extent of my human's determination at first flattered me. She parked her truck as far away from my vehicle as possible, arrived immediately before school, and left late after working on homework in the library. I noticed when peering in the minds of others, that she religiously avoided looking at me or my siblings.

She deliberately sat with her back towards me at lunch, and changed her routes to her classes which required her to scramble longer distances in order to arrive on time. Most particularly, she endearingly pretended I did not exist in biology despite sitting inches from me. I had expected her to request a seat change from Mr. Banner. It impressed me when she remained in place with a certain set to her jaw, her heart racing every time I breathed on her. Exhaling on her at random intervals, I took great pleasure in sending wafts of my scent to her. After all it was only fair. She had been torturing _me_ for weeks.

She excelled at making me feel invisible, quite an accomplishment given her shy nature. Feeling mischievous, I randomly altered my routes to my classes to encounter her. It had the triple effect of amusing me, startling her, and allowing me fractionally more time experiencing the bliss of her my entertainment she changed her routes to her classrooms again.

At first, I did not mind being ignored. Besides, I sat by her every night for seven hours and we got along perfectly fine then. I realized at the end of a month that I missed our banter in class, even though the words had been few. I missed her eyes. She was having nightmares, not sleeping well, and her sleep talking did not reveal what plagued her. And her health worried me.

Mentally cringing, I watched without interfering as she tripped three times more than the average human her age with a concussion the week she returned to school. Out of concern for my singer, I used the hacking skills learned from Jasper to access her medical records. Slightly underweight, I reminded myself to have Father check her thyroid gland, and update her Tetanus immunization.

Her neurological history revealed a sixteen-year old skull fracture courtesy of her inattentive dingbat Mother that had permanently debilitated her balance by 9%. This explained how her condition impaired her just enough to make her stand out, but not enough to alarm anyone. She'd suffered repeated concussions, two broken limbs, three broken fingers, a dislocated shoulder, multiple sprains, four broken toes, and cracked ribs. Curiously, she never mentioned her brain injury to anyone. Her most recent MRI results indicated her condition would not deteriorate absent any serious head injuries in the future. I decided I could no longer sit back and watch her fall. Besides, in preserving her life, I had access to her scent. And I wondered why Father had not mentioned this to me. Not the scent business, the brain damage part.

I chose to end what my family gleefully referred to as the EdBargo. After class the next day, I apologized.

"My words at the hospital were rude. I apologize," I said stiffly.

"I don't know why you even bothered."

"Bothered what?"

"To pull me from the car. Clearly you regret it." She snarled, bit her lip as her eyes filled and stomped away.

_"Go Bella,"_ I heard Emmett cheer in the privacy of his mind.

My temper flared because her words sounded sincere. Of course I would save her. She was _my singer_. I could not imagine being deprived of her scent after these tortuous blissful weeks. Besides, saving her had also been convenient. It would have been slightly awkward explaining to Chief Swan the night of the accident why I had snatched her body, bitten savagely into her neck, and drained it on the spot.

Heatedly, I adopted a shocked expression and retorted,"Clearly things haven't changed since last we talked. You don't know the first thing about my regret or lack thereof," and stalked away. I'd rehearsed that in case she had refused my apology, but having to say the lines stung.

Fuming, I glared at the humans who scurried out of my path like startled sheep. For once, I thought with mordant wit, I really _had _told her the truth. And my goodness, she was cute when she was angry. And beyond that line, I couldn't think of anything else to say. So leaving worked just fine with me.

At dawn, Mary Alice told me, "Edward, I couldn't help but overhear what passed for an apology to Bella falling from your lips."

"I did the gentlemanly thing," I sniffed. I had no idea why my human had spit fire at me.

"Since we were raised with manners, the chivalrous thing to do keeping in part with our role in the community, is to apologize again."

"What good would that do?" She'd just yell at me again. And I'd have to leave so I wouldn't bite her or worse, kiss...never mind.

"Let me tell you a secret about women, brother dear. They adore persistence. You ignored her for an entire month, and that was rude. Technically, you owe her multiple apologies."

I winced at the truth of her words. I had put myself in an impossible situation. I couldn't exactly look at her and say, "I'm sorry for lying to you to protect the secret of our immortal nature by making you think you had nearly killed us. Have a flower."

However, in keeping with my plan to fool my family, repairing our budding relationship would work just fine. Besides,she'd never stand a chance if persistence is what it took, I vowed. After all, I had 75 years' worth of practice.

Mary Alice recommended, "I can see you being successful, but you have to arrive at 7:10 in order for it to work, not a second later."

Since I was fanatically punctual, that would hardly be a challenge, I sniffed. My singer would never know what hit her.

Snow showered from the heavens that night, and required us to wear extra clothing to appear human for school. Knowing of my plan, Mother insisted I wear a green turtleneck under a heavy white cashmere fisherman's sweater and lined jeans. Human fashion bored me to undeath, but I would wear what she asked because she was my Mother.

Trying not to grumble, I donned a long winter coat Mary Alice offered, "Why are you giving me this coat, I'm swimming in it. You must have confused this with Emmett's."

She just smiled and told me, "Listen to your sister and wear it for me. You'll thank me one day," and then she blocked her mind. Before driving me out of mine, she wrapped a cashmere scarf around my neck, "Here are your new gloves, we have to use lined ones." Slipping ice grips over my boots I sped early to school by the forest, arriving before Mary Alice's deadline. I heard my human's heart beat frantically pounding as I approached the parking lot as fast as I could without drawing notice.

As I ran in across the back side of the lot, I found my human sitting in her truck, trembling. I couldn't see any visible threat as I peered around in confusion. No one had noticed her trying to talk herself into walking out of the truck. She whispered angrily, "I can't miss the history exam. Just get out of the car. You can do it." Her hands shook on the steering wheel. And then, I heard her crying, and it broke me and the heart I didn't have. My singer shouldn't weep. It would interfere with her fragrance. I couldn't have that.

Knocking on her window and saying, "Cease wailing. By the way I'm sorry. Really," did not seem quite the thing to do.

The voice of the predator in me said, "Wait. Notice her attire."

As she opened her truck door, I heard her say, "Get a move on, Swan. You're made of sterner stuff."

She moved cautiously. In the 22 degree weather and heavy snow, her worn navy coat, thin white cotton turtleneck and jeans left her shivering. She'd be cold in the drafty school. I noticed with alarm her inappropriate footwear - worn cloth sneakers - given the thick sheets of ice on the ground covered in snow and sprinted.

Two feet in front of her truck she slipped. Her arms windmilled about as she fought the icy ground for purchase. My singer's feet sailed above her head as she plummeted to the ground. I heard her yelping in panic.

My hands caught her two inches above the ice, cradling her head in my left hand, my right supporting her thighs. I had moved so fast it probably looked like I had just appeared from out of the storm like the abominable vampire. With such heavy snowfall, no one had noticed, as the students worried instead about dashing into the warm building.

My feisty singer was terrified, and I could not tolerate it. Wordlessly, I quickly lifted her against my chest and placed her head in the hollow of my shoulder. It took effort not to jump in surprise when her arms wrapped around my neck. She was so short, her feet dangled in the air.

Starched Shirt Edward, that annoying voice in my mind that dressed like the boy in the suit I used to be, reminded me primly, "If you address her as 'my human' she just might strike you. I would, of course, applaud after your boorish behavior." He did have a point.

"Bella you just took ten years off my life. I was scared I wouldn't get to you in time," I confessed. My voice actually cracked.

In her panic she forgot about the EdBargo whispering, "Thank you, Edward." Her heart raced.

I pulled back from her to look into her eyes as thick white flakes sparkled jewel-like in her hair. She didn't even have a hat. This could not be borne, humans lost significant body heat through their heads.

That strange tingling sensation was starting again. "Bella, my shoes are designed for ice. May I please carry you?" I pleaded.

She nodded, teeth chattering. I thanked God Rosalie had the bright idea to put wafer-thin powerful battery packs throughout our coats and under our sweaters so that we would radiate heat like normal humans. I unzipped my jacket with one hand holding her with the other.

"Hold up your hair, please."

"Why?"

"Please?" Trembling with cold, she complied muttering about my hair fixation.

I wrapped my still warm wide scarf around her head, neck, and shoulders with one hand while she looked astonished. Now came the tricky part. She had parked in the farthest slot in the overflow lot at the school.

"Bella, we have a quarter of a mile to walk and you're too cold. Please put your legs around my waist."

"Excuse me?" she stuttered, mortified.

I didn't have time to argue, her body temperature was plummeting. I sighed in annoyance. Women. I was going to have to be a boor again, and I very much looked forward to it. She squeaked as I deliberately moved both my hands to grasp her by her bottom and shifted her higher up above my waist. I firmly slid my hands down the back of her thighs wrapping them around me looking in her eyes the entire time, daring her to protest. I had managed to stun her into silence, although that wasn't too difficult in the first place.

As I moved my coat around us, she blushed to the roots of her hair, catching me off guard, and looked absolutely adorable. Understanding my actions, she moved her arms snaking them under mine and around my shoulders and tightened her legs. Moaning at the moment, no matter how tempting, was out of the question. Once she was in place she moved her arms to lay around my neck. I zipped the jacket around us, and increased the heat with the hidden dial at my wrist. She was now fully covered in my long coat cocooned in two layers of warmth with only the top of her covered head peeking out. One of my arms wrapped around her hips the other rubbed the coat against her, creating friction. I greedily clutched onto her like a precious Christmas gift, which was appropriate because from a distance I probably looked like the young vampire Santa Claus with my burgeoning belly.

I had managed to distract her from her fear by reminding her of her attraction to me and although it was ungentlemanly of me to notice, I could smell her arousal. This was going to be fun.

"Better?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

She recovered her composure. "Mr. Cullen," she said in a formal tone of voice, eyes dancing. "My Grandmother once told me that if I was a good girl, someone tall dark and handsome would come one day and sweep me off my feet. Somehow, I don't think _this_ is what she had in mind."

"I think your Grandmother was a genius. You clearly obtained your brains from her side," I said smugly.

"It doesn't look proper. The school will be scandalized. I know you hate attention as much as I do, and people will talk," she fretted.

"It's snowing too heavily for anyone to see. You're so short my jacket just looks slightly bulkier than normal. And anyone who does see will simply have to understand that sweeping you off your feet is a favorite past time of mine. And I'm not entirely averse to people connecting our names." She bit her lip at that and considered it. I could tell she was relaxing in my arms. She sighed a few times as the warmth reached her.

"When we get inside, I'll hold you in a more gentlemanly manner. Don't fret." I added.

Fully aware I was cozening her, I affected to walk carefully across the thick ice. The wind blew the snow at my back so she was protected I justified my selfish behavior. I needed the time to talk to her. The fact that I could feel and smell her against my chest was an added bonus that I had earned for crying out loud. A long lost human memory hit me in that second like a freight train. I recalled moving from the bitter cold of winter to the warm interior of my house and being overwhelmed with the scent of the pine burning in the fireplace, the baked apples and fresh bread from the kitchen and the blast of warmth I associated with home. Holding her right now reminded me of that one blissful memory, one I thought I had forgotten.

In addition to the usual electrical shock, I now seemed to be recalling lost human memories at her touch. If I could have cried in that moment, I would have as powerful emotions flooded through me.

Starched Shirt Edward congratulated me, "Rescuing your human was appropriate and moving her far above your waist to protect her virtue from your lustful thoughts, even more appropriate," He sniped that last part. I heard him mutter under his breath something about it being "Imperative that she could not detect our disgusting ungentlemanly almost state of sexual arousal."

The predator, the other voice in me defended, "We were being a gentleman. You should calm down over an incipient simple physiological reaction."

Starched Shirt Edward spluttered in outrage, blushing to the roots of his hair, "But,"

The predator cut him off, "You're carping about a natural reaction when we should get bonus points for not tearing her throat out right now, for the love of your God. So what you're basically saying is that it's ok for him to murder her as long as he's not sexually aroused while doing it?"

Starched Shirt Me appeared horrified into, thank God, silence.

My beast posited benignly, "With all that religious zeal, I think you should found a local vampire chapter of the Vegetarian Moral Majority. I don't think Opus Dei, that religious group you admire of strict Roman Catholics would admit us due to that pesky lack of a soul issue and 90 years of not practicing our Catholicism, according to its laws." He left out how many Sunday masses we had skipped, a big no-no that drove Starched Shirt Me to distraction.

Before he stalked away to his corner in my mind straightening his tie, Starched Shirt Edward flung over his shoulder, "Fine. At the very least you still owe that poor human girl that you lied to and abused an immediate apology for harming her delicate feelings. You should take advantage of the time you have now." He did have a point. Supercilious bastard.

Pretending to pay close attention to walking, I was too afraid to look her in the eye. "Bella?" her heart raced at her name coming from my lips, "Will you please meet me for lunch today?"

"Why? So you can ignore me for another month, GrumpZilla?" She peeked up at me, charmingly defiant.

I looked down at her miserably, "Because I can't bear any longer to keep you at arm's length," I confessed, allowing my mask to slip for once. I was one desperate disgusting pathetic creature, and I was not too proud to beg, or at least do a good job of looking like it to her.

My choice of appeals had been inspired, I gloated, because I really _could _no longer bear to be parted from her. In hindsight, I might have breathed on her once or twice to encourage her compliance as she weakly nodded with wide eyes and a racing heart. As we walked into the hallway, I shifted her limbs to a bridal style hold. I carried her into the building ignoring the students' plebeian stares. The floor was slick for the first 25 feet with ice and puddles of dangerous water. Given her lack of balance, I feared she'd slip or get her feet wet in her soaked cloth shoes. I carried her 500 feet down the hall unzipped my jacket and lowered her like she was made of glass outside of her first period room.

"Edward thank you again, here's your scarf." She held it out.

I grasped it by both ends and tossed the middle part over her head. Channeling audacity I never knew I had, I gently pulled her against me as she stood blushing, stunned into silence. I carefully wrapped the scarf around her neck, and swept her thick hair aside with one hand until it looked secure in a style my sisters used. I leaned down and breathed on her, grazed her temple with the back of my hand, and said, "That color of blue looks far better on you. Keep it." It wasn't a burden to give it to her. I'd never seen the scarf before today. And really, it wasn't like I needed it anyway.

Quietly, she thanked me and walked into the room, blushing and ignoring her gawking classmates. I smirked, watching as she stumbled to her seat. I waited until she had turned around to wink at her and said warmly, "Try to stay in one piece. I'll see you at lunch," before leaving.

Apparently word of her rescue spread through the school like wildfire. Girls across Forks High were now fantasizing about me sweeping them in my arms with passionate kisses. For the love of Pete, I hadn't even kissed her, I thought in outrage. Yet.

Newton's thoughts indicated he planned to ask her to dinner intending to seduce her that night with a 6-pack of Bud-Lite beer he had aged for three days under his bed for the momentous occasion. Eavesdropping smugly, I snorted as she visibly squirmed while refusing him with a weak series of excuses. It had to be the most entertaining thing I had seen in three decades. She lied _terribly_, I chortled. Ever the optimist pursuing what he could never have, Newton planned on asking her at lunch again. He mentally wondered if she would let him "ride her bareback" that night. Moron. She was mine. All mine.

I then called my ecstatic Mother, and asked her for a favor. Esme arrived within the hour to the school's office. I wrote a note to my human asking her to please accept this gift as a peace offering, that I looked forward to lunch, and signed it "GrumpZilla Cullen." I strolled to class looking smug. Mentally I watched as Esme had my human summoned and introduced herself to my singer. I wasn't sure what a grumpzilla was so I'd have to look that up later.

My human opened the gift with shaking hands to find thick socks, new boots, ice grippers, a wool midnight blue sweater, and a forest green set of scarf, gloves, and hat. Mother handed her the new socks and had my singer put her boots on to ensure they fit properly. My kindhearted singer stammered her thanks with shaking hands and dare I say it, looked nervous. Helping her put on the sweater, my Mother gently reached out and lifted her hair from under the collar to fall around her shoulders, stroked her cheek and said, "No, dear, it is I who should be thanking you," kissed her on the cheek and walked away. My human stared after her wistfully holding the gift box clasped to her chest, her other hand on the cheek Mother kissed.

During first period, my gleeful brothers were only too happy to explain the precise meaning of the phrase "riding her bareback" to me in excruciating detail at vampire pitch. I maintained a stoic expression throughout and blocked Jasper from feeling my rage. And Mary Alice didn't stop me so this had to be appropriate.

Newton tripped in third period not noticing either my strategically placed foot or when my arm lashed out in a blur simultaneously breaking both his legs because he was too busy fantasizing about the aforementioned inappropriate activity involving my singer. Due to my vampire speed, I had moved so fast it looked like he literally tripped on his own two feet while I watched innocently and appeared appropriately shocked as he fell emitting a high-pitched girlish shriek. Make that several high pitched girlish shrieks, I thought, with satisfaction I could feel but never show.

I told myself I acted to protect her virtue and to prevent the probable transmission of STD's. As I charitably dialed 911 on my cell phone for him, I wondered if I should break both his arms as well, cocking my head to one side imagining him in a full body cast. No one treated my human with that kind of disrespect.

And the only one she'd ever be riding would be me.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I have to confess, I get all misty-eyed over that last line.  
**

**At this point in the story what you should see is that Edward because of: **

**1. How much he hates being a vampire - trauma he never dealt with and trauma he felt he could not truly share with Carlisle out of fear/guilt/rejection, and **

**2. His behavior during his rebellious years - and let's be clear he was very, very bad - his guilt, shame, and horror at waking up from them, and the fact that he never told his family what he did. He let them think he had "slipped" and never gave them the full story. **

**So as a way of coping he's created this elaborate self-delusion in his mind. He's decided that if he pretends to be the perfect child - getting straight A's, rarely speaking so that he can't offend anyone, never giving his parents a thing to worry about, and most importantly never ever harming a human by "slipping" then just maybe the Cullens will keep him. He does not understand that the Cullens love him and would stick by him. So he feels he has to quietly prove his worth. That's the way he's handled his problem. He's lived on the fringes of the family, he's not close to any of his siblings, and he leaves the house every night to run for hours or explore so he doesn't burden his family with his presence. It's a step past denial. Well, lots of steps past it. **

**So enter Bella. And she threatens that elaborate deception (of his family and himself). So in this chapter you should see the rationalizations that he comes up with to account for his behavior and why he can't stay away from her. I do realize that this section has partially mirrored Twilight, but we are about to go off the reservation. **

**The car crash happens at night away from witnesses. Edward's choice is whether or not he saves her in front of his family - not whether or not he saves her in front of humans, although he does put them all at risk with his decision. Edward has never ordered anyone around and suddenly he's doing just that. And Bella has a head injury, is confused, and not sure of what happened. **

**And just so you know, he's been living in his own little delusion for 75 years. He's not going to break out of this easily. He'll get to love, but he's going to have to be dragged there kicking and screaming the whole way. And this arc is going to show you how both he and Bella fell in love with each other, and how Edward changed as a man. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.**

**Here's a teaser for the next chapter:**

**Using my vampire gifts I carried on a conversation with my family without the humans around me knowing. It made for an interesting contrast with the amiability of my banter with my human while we teased each other about chess. From across the room, Rosalie mentally snarled, **_**"Edward, take a good look at that apple and remember about the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. And that outfit she's wearing. Boring. Aside from the sweater and boots Mother gave her she looks like Wal-Mart vomited. And you're eating with human food with her? Pathetic." **_

**At vampire speed I said to Rosalie, **_**"I'm sorry Rose to have to repeat this. I'm just not attracted to you, and compared to Bella, you stink. Wal-Mart vomit has never smelled so good. And I'd cheerfully vomit every day in order to be in her company. Unlike yours." **_**Smiling beatifically at my sister I took a large bite of pepperoni pizza when Bella was peering at the game. My brothers went **_**"Ewwwwww."**_** Emmett looked genuinely disgusted as he thought of me vomiting every day for the rest of the school year. To get back at him I asked Rosalie, **_**"Does your mate love you enough to eat human food with you at school?"**_

**Please review if you have time. I read each and every one. And I answer them all. **


	14. HOD pt 3 EdBargo

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.**

**I am jointly dedicating this chapter to Cavriola and Bkwrm for their thoughtful reviews. You both win at life. :)**

**Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.**

**The response to the last chapter has been so overwhelming you all inspired me to write like never before. Thank you for all your kind words. :)**

**I know it sounds silly, but it totally makes my day to read your feedback. I squee like a fangirl. And many times what you all have to say is so helpful that I use the things you point out in order to guide me in structuring future scenes or chapters to see what is working and what still needs work. Please take the time to give me a review if you have the chance. **

**Snarky Summary**

**So last chapter we saw Edward had a bit of a spat with Bella - and they didn't speak for a month. Edward shows us just how much of a communication genius he is in interpreting Bella's behavior. Jasper and Rosalie kinda sorta had plans of a more permanent kind with Bella. Edward learns a bit about the fine art of groveling. And bribery. He ended the silence with his singer with an apology or two and asked her to join him for lunch. And in the last part of the last chapter he broke Mike Newton's legs after mentally learning of Mike's plan to seduce his singer. Edward has standards, you know. Some. No one touches his human. And she has better taste than to drink Bud Light. **

**Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo**

As he thrashed on the ground screaming with pain, it occurred to Mike Newton that his machinations regarding my human that night would unfortunately have to wait. He felt woefully disappointed at losing the opportunity to deflower my singer. To distract himself from his pain, he decided to continue to contemplate his campaign of her seduction. Mentally, he transformed my human into something that resembled an escaped vixen from Emmett's favorite 80's hair metal band video. His fantasy of my human envisioned her with wild teased hair that appeared as if she had been exposed to unhealthy levels of electricity. The vivid blue eye shadow, and unflattering lipstick and smudged black tar-like goo spoiled the beauty of her features. In his tiny mind, my singer writhed on top of him wearing tasteless lingerie that was a shade of fire-engine red so unbecoming it actually looked orange. Even more offensive, he had decided that her actual body wasn't good enough for him. Newton had expanded her bust size from its perfectly proportional 32B to a ghastly 40HH. In his mind she was begging him to touch her to take her to make her his own as his hand reached out for her....Growling at vampire frequency, I casually moved my foot in a blur to touch his broken legs and seemed adequately alarmed when he promptly fainted. This sacrifice on my part was far more humane than ripping out his throat, which is what both Starched Shirt Edward and my Predator eagerly advocated: the first time ever they had been in agreement as they high-fived one another. I thought that there'd be hell to pay when I got home as Jasper sat in this class. Instead, to my surprise, my brother with immensely relieved thoughts whispered at me, "Excellent, Edward. I knew I could count on you. You go boy." He gave me a thumbs up. I noticed he had his backpack on his lap. Then his thoughts that I had been tuning out hit me. Oh my. Jasper's lust sparked by Newton's repulsive mind play was going to save my worthless hide.

After the ambulance ferried a blessedly unconscious Newton to the hospital, Jasper took me aside, I thought, to comment on my behavior.

"He had vile intentions toward my singer," I started defensively before Jasper could say anything. I spoke my claim at vampire pitch on my way to the next class that we shared.

"Forget Newton. His lust for your human is out of control. And frankly, if our parents give you a hard time I'm going to have to defend you. Thanks to him, I was about to make the entire wing feel uncontrolled lust so you probably prevented countless teenage pregnancies just now. From across the building, Mary Alice heard and simply said at vampire pitch, "Twenty-five to be precise."

Jasper laughed and continued, "That was a remarkably exercise in self-control. I would have done far worse if he looked at Alice like that. If I may change the subject, I'm worried about your singer." Genuine concern roiled from him.

"How so?"

"Look Esme told me and Rosalie that we had to make it up to you for planning on killing your singer. So she gave us punishments. We both have to help you with your human. Really help. So here's my first contribution. Did you notice Bella's fear this morning?" Jasper's Southern accent became distinctive when he felt agitated and at the moment his drawl was thick as molasses.

"Yes, the ice frightened her."

"No, Edward, I felt her terror all the way from our car when we were driving to school about half a block away. That's not within my normal range. I should't be able to pick that up and it came through loud and clear. She was scared stiff before she even got to the school. I could feel her. She's absolutely terrified while she's in her truck. I was surprised she could even function enough to drive through all that emotion."

"I'll have to find out if she nearly had an accident. Surely there's a logical explanation." I said. "Or perhaps she witnessed one. Can you hack into the police data base and see if any accidents were reported on her route to school?"

"This is a small town. It'll take at least a week for them to even input them. Beside, you have a bigger problem than that. When Mother showed up to give her the gifts, your singer almost burst into tears."

"She's shy. I have the impression that no one ever gives her gifts. She was touched. I saw her face." I started.

"Not good tears Edward, shameful tears. Why would the sight of our Mother make her feel that way?"

"I have no earthly idea."

"I did not get the sense that the gifts offended her if that's what your worried about. But there's one last thing you need to consider, sonny boy. You might have misinterpreted the EdBargo."

"I can hardly misinterpret her refusal to speak to me for a month."

Jasper considered smacking me, "You never asked, so I never told what I observed in terms of her emotions. And I watched her the entire time. It takes dedicated anger to ignore someone because they've offended you. Aside from that ridiculous excuse of an apology that you offered, I never felt genuine anger from her this past month. I always felt guilt, shame, and fright. I thought I'd let you figure it out but it's been a month. And from what I could see you've been oblivious to her emotional state. I can also tell she's physically and emotionally exhausted. She's close to snapping. So what did you do to provoke guilt and shame in her at the sight of our Mother?"

I think that was the longest I'd ever heard Jasper speak to me in over a decade. He did have a point.

"Does she only feel guilty when she sees me? What about the rest of us?"

"Yes, with all of us but mostly you and Rosalie. Since Rosalie has been glaring at her, like she's going to spit, 'I'll get you and your little dog, too,' any minute, Bella's terrified of her. She feels shame every time she looks at her."

Satisfaction flowed through me. Our secret was safe. "She believed the story about the accident, I'm willing to bet. I told her she nearly killed us all by hitting us head on to make her stop asking questions."

"That would do it. You do realize that fixing this is going to require you actually speak to her?" Jasper called over his shoulder as he walked to his next class.

I found myself counting the moments until lunch arrived and caught her gazing at me in the minds of other students with a baffled expression. I thought over all her behavior over the past month trying to make sense of it, and hated not being able to read her mind. It had all seemed to make sense with her being mad at me. I had said horrible things to her at the hospital, and then left without a proper goodbye.

Now, I had no idea what was going on in her mind as apparently I had been so off base earlier. During a free moment my human drafted a sweet letter of thanks to my Mother, I saw from Angela's mind. Mrs. Cope, who had watched the scene earlier brushing a sentimental tear from her eye, had been touched. She had thought my human so sweet and thoughtful, as she provided her with our home address when my singer expressed the desire to send a thank you note from school and had left our address at her home. You don't send greeting cards to people you hate.

Internally jubilant, I projected calm when she shyly approached the small table I appropriated in a quiet corner wearing her new boots and sweater and my scarf. In the harsh flourescent lighting of the cafeteria, she appeared pale, with dark shadows under her eyes. I stood and walked around to her seat, and greeted her politely trying not to stare, "Hello, Bella. Thank your for joining me."

I received a blush and a shy nod from her in return. After she lowered her tray I pulled out her chair and seated her as a gentleman should.

Heads turned across the cafeteria. I can't help it if both my Mothers raised me with manners, I sniffed.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Did you send your Mother shopping for me this morning?" She seemed fascinated with the scarred wooden table while she stammered.

"I most certainly did. I felt the need for a grand gesture to make up for my boorish behavior. Did you like the gift?" I batted my eyelashes, offering a hopeful face. 'Please like it,' I prayed. 'I have no idea what to say if you don't.'

"I've never had anyone do anything so considerate. Thank you very much." She met my eyes for a moment before glancing away and clearing her throat. I could hear her heartbeat she was so nervous, and smell it in her blood. She wasn't the only one.

"Have you ever been here during winter?"

"Not really. I've been in Phoenix. I've never seen weather like this." She shuddered.

Inspiration suddenly hit, "It takes a bit getting used to. May I show you how to put on the ice grippers on your boots after school? We'll practice walking on the ice in the parking lot, if you like."

"That would be nice."

"And I'll take you driving in that monstrosity of a vehicle to show you how to handle the truck on ice. It's the best time to practice." She got this strange look on her face for a moment, turned sheet white, but agreed. Jasper hissed at me that I'd just terrified her.

From across the room, Emmett said at vampire pitch, _"Smooth one, Grasshopper. Remind her of the accident. You are much more clever than anyone gives you credit for, my emotionally mute brother. Way to manipulate her into spending even more time with you...when she's awake."_ When Bella glanced down at the table for a second, I smirked in his direction at vampire speed. By the time she lifted her face I wore my usual tranquil mask. A human would have missed it.

I hid my fascination at the apple she ate and the bottled lemonade she sipped. It had been so long since I had been human I had forgotten what food tasted like. I thought back to my newborn years when, defiantly, I had tried to eat like a human. Much to my dismay I discovered all food tasted disgusting, scraped my throat when swallowed, and felt like a rock in my stomach. I vomited it up six hours later despite trying stubbornly every day for eleven months.

Although I had fed on blood during that time, I had reduced my hunting to once a month, unreasonable for a newborn. I remember Carlisle having to force me to hunt. I remember sobbing alone in the woods as the rush of relief hit me as I gorged on a deer like a rabid beast, and hating myself afterwards. At that alarming memory, I thanked God I was blocking Jasper or he'd come running as I continued to act serene. I missed being able to remember what human food felt like on my tongue.

At the sight of my human's tray, I knew that the meager amount was not enough calories to keep her sustained. By my calculations she had 161 calories on her tray. If her nutrients were poor, it would affect the scent of her blood.

"Bella, you only have an apple and a bottle of lemonade."

"I'm not really hungry."

"I'll make you a bargain. If you share my food with me, I'll stop perstering you about your diet." I offered her half of my pepperoni pizza, at least I think that's what it was. I never paid attention to the human food I refused to eat. It hurt too much to know what it was that I could no longer digest. So I had become accustomed to mentally putting myself somewhere else during lunch, only answering questions from my family, if asked.

"Deal." We shook on it. I felt that odd shock again when our hands met. I think she did too as she jumped a bit.

My stomach clenched as I stared at what she had definitely identified as pepperoni pizza. I justified my behavior as setting a good example and making her comfortable. I ignored the uncomfortable sensation of the putrid chunks as it stumbled down my throat feeling like hot lead. She played with the bottle cap as we talked turning it in her small hands nervously. I pulled out a miniature chess set.

"Do you play?" I fought to keep my tone casual. I felt like the spider talking to the fly.

Her eyes lit up, and her face transformed in a smile. "I do. Do you?"

That was it, I was definitely going to have to play her now.

"Now and then."

I could tell by the gleam in her eyes she planned on winning. I decided to let her, after displaying my skill.

Using my vampire gifts, I carried on a conversation with my family without the humans around me knowing. It made for an interesting contrast with the amiability of my banter with my human while we teased each other about chess. From across the room, Rosalie mentally snarled, _"Edward, take a good look at that apple and remember about the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. And that outfit she's wearing. Boring. Aside from the sweater and boots Mother gave her she looks like Wal-Mart vomited. And you're eating with human food with her? Pathetic."_

By Rosalie's thoughts I gathered the Wal-Mart a human store I had never entered was beneath her. At vampire speed, I said to Rosalie in an embarrassed cracking voice, _"I'm sorry Rose to have to repeat this. I'm just not attracted to you, and . . . compared to Bella, you stink." _She inhaled in outrage as I changed to a more confident voice, "_Wal-Mart vomit has never smelled so good. And I'd cheerfully vomit every day in order to be in her company. Unlike yours." _Smiling beatifically at my sister I took a large bite of pepperoni pizza when Bella was peering at the game. Jasper interrupted marveling at the sight of me having sarcastic banter with Rosalie and insulting her, a first time ever event to become repulsed at my actions.

My brothers went _"Ewwwwww."_ Emmett looked genuinely disgusted as he thought of me vomiting every day for the rest of the school year. To get back at him I asked Rosalie, _"Does your mate love you enough to eat human food with you at school?" _Benignly, I may have blinked at her a time or two.

Rosalie's stunned expression was quickly overtaken with incandescent rage. Emmett, Jasper and Mary Alice started laughing hysterically. The tables around, infected by Jasper's mirth, started tittering. My sister flounced from the room. Emmett gave me a thumbs up gesture from our table followed by _"HuffWard 1, Rosalie 0! Come back tomorrow for a rematch."_ I ignored him to focus on my human. Due to Jasper, she wore a lovely smile looking into my eyes. I don't know why but I found myself genuinely wishing that she'd look at me like that without the aid of vampire charms.

I heard Emmett mutter, _"Are you seriously going to eat all that food? That's the most revolting thing I've seen if six decades."_ Emmett did not like having his love for his wife challenged. And moreover, he was now fuming that he was going to have to prove his love to her by eating human food for the next few months. Fortunately, he was not mad at me, as Emmett could take a joke, although he fumed at destiny for his possible upcoming fate at the next lunch. Emmett thought to himself that I was a twerp and a bastard. I whispered to him at vampire pitch, _"I can assure you my birth was legitimate."_

He stopped only when Mary Alice smacked him upside the head. "Ow, Jeez Alice," he whined.

I gave my singer my undivided attention. Her mind fascinated me because I could not predict what she would say. She was also smart enough to be cautious, and asked few questions. The ones she did were probing. I answered as briefly as I could and turned most of them back on her. I wasn't sure how to make conversation so having a prop like the chess set was a Godsend. Mostly I focused the conversation on her strategy as we played, smiling as I teased her about a particular move as I threatened to take her Queen. To my surprise she trounced me in three moves after that. I had planned on permitting her to win. I hadn't planned on losing in fact. She clearly had a remarkable grasp of the game. I beat her on the second and she actually made me work for the victory. My siblings tracked our progress and gaped in awe when she won the first game.

I hadn't bothered to hide my wounded pride, and Jasper conveyed that to my family who chortled. Jasper and Emmett, of course, then started placing bets on who would win the next game. I was offended to see that they all bet on her. What about family loyalty? When did we become the De Medicis? We were still playing the third and I was so absorbed, it surprised me when she stood to go to class.

"What are you doing. It's your move?"

"Lunch is over, Edward."

"But we're not done? Can I defeat you tomorrow?"

She offered me the ghost of a smile, "I'll allow you the opportunity to try."

I let her be the first to leave, and watched her back as she exited.

Emmett sitting at our table thought, _"Man, you are so whipped."_

I had never heard the term "whipped" used in common parlance and would have to look it up later in the dictionary as I could not admit ignorance about TWO terms in one day. His obvious merriment meant it didn't bode well as a reflection upon my character._ "What are you blathering about now, Emmett?"_ I whispered back at vampire frequency.

Emmett ticked off points on his thick fingers, _"You're encouraging her to eat just like a human boyfriend would. You're actually eating human food with her. You're hanging on her every word. You intended on letting her win against you, Mr. Grandmaster. Best of all, you're breaking the legs of your rivals. In the past hour, I've seen you talking with one human more than I've seen you do with your own family in a decade. And I just caught you checking out her ass like a normal guy. But the best part is now you're stealing tokens. I'm wiping away a venom tear here in pride, junior."_

"I beg your pardon?" I did not like him making crude references to her body and glared. I walked over to our table, and sat across from him. Besides, I hadn't stolen anything in decades, not that he would know. And talking to her that much was the hardest thing I've done, aside from not killing her, in a decade.

He nodded at the lemonade bottle cap that I was toying with in my fingers. I said innocently, "I saved it as a reminder of our first lunch date. It just so happens to have the advantage that it does carry her scent."

"See what I mean? You're pathetic."

"Why? It's much more convenient to carry a one ounce bottle cap around than a 110 pound human with me all day long when they both smell the same. I'd say I'm smart." I retorted, smugly.

"Whatever, HuffWard. But stealing her bottle cap because it has her scent makes you no different from a common panty thief." He chortled.

"I find it highly offensive that you could think me that ungentlemanly with an innocent human girl as to purloin something so personal as her undergarments. And she did not _want_ the bottle cap, so I stole nothing from her."

Comparing me to a common panty thief like some adolescent human teenager? What an imbecile. Besides, she only had seven pairs of underwear, all quite old and drenched with her scent from her, ah, womanly parts. I felt like he was accusing me of stealing the very shirt off her back figuratively speaking. She only had _seven_ pairs. If I filched a pair from her room at night; first, I'd be depriving her of clothing she required. Second, she'd immediately notice. Not that the thought had ever crossed my mind. Seriously.

"So are you going through her trash during the night seeing as how you're all into saving mementos? Panty thief." Emmett's eyes were dancing. "Or are you standing over her trash can huffing in the night only on certain weeks of the month?"

Lip curled in disdain, I refused to answer such crudity. Emmett was making me talk more than I used to. Shy Edward couldn't talk this much. Besides, he did not need to know that I actually_ had_ gone through her trash, but only for research purposes. Twice. But I had not taken anything. And I'd never inhaled.

"So, because I strive to desensitize myself to my singer to preserve her life, enjoy the pleasure of her sparkling wit, feast my eyes upon her pretty visage, and seize every available opportunity to do so that makes me some kind of moral degenerate?" I said with bafflement.

"Yep. And I know you're never going to wash that sweater after having her pressed against it this morning. It's going to be your new blankie." He grinned.

I decided to end the conversation before it became more humiliating. I had no idea what a blankie was. I couldn't ask about three human popular culture terms in one day.

I think, in hindsight, Satan made me say it.

"Emmett, you have my solemn promise that if I ever stole anything from the lovely Miss Swan it would definitely_ not _be her panties. After all, I'm considerably more ambitious, compared to you have infinitely more endurance, and most importantly I _do_ love a challenge."

I smirked with a raised brow, and sauntered from the room, leaving a stunned brother behind. I could hear his laugh from the other end of the school. His thoughts indicated he now believed I was ardently planning to seduce my human. I, of course, had been thinking of her_ heart _when I spoke of larceny.

Emmett started mocking me for my virginity only when I was on the other side of the school. I mentally rolled my eyes. Pusillanimous pervert. I took a whiff of her scent on my sweater, and closed my eyes in happiness as I remembered this morning. I just might be able to make it through the day. I tried not to watch the clock for the rest of the afternoon, as time seemed to slow to an interminable crawl. I had never wanted school to end quite so badly before, and actually was growled at by my siblings for shifting nervously in my seat. I blinked at them in wounded blamelessness.

From down the hall, I saw her as school let out staring at the window with a shaking hand on the glass. It had started snowing again, heavily. She had her ice grippers in her hand and was holding the gift box with the other, her backpack slung across her shoulder. We were surrounded by the bustle of students, who like salmon struggled against one another to stream out of the building into the frigid day.

A large football player had his mind focused on an important date he intended to keep with a marginally attractive young slattern of loose virtue barreled down the hall. Forgetting he was not at practice, he pushed the humans out of the way. I gawped, appalled, as he slammed into two girls in his determination to push through the milling students. He was worse than a nun at a Vatican Papal audience with those sharp elbows, I thought, as I silently pulled Angela Webber out of his path of destruction. I did not think my singer would appreciate having her friend harmed which is the only reason I intervened, I thought, piously. And I had grasped her by the elbow in a perfectly felicitous manner and then released her at once to look up for my human. Angela stuttered her thanks and I nodded dismissively as my eyes fell on my human's tiny form across the crowd. I had too many people in between me to be able to help my singer as she walked into the path of the lust-filled linebacker. I could not move at vampire speed.

As he approached her, my human turned at an angle to adjust her backpack on her shoulder. They collided, landing in a heap on the floor, taking three other students down with them in a collection of tangled limbs. For a moment it looked like a scene from a zombie movie Jasper liked as no one moved, and suddenly bodies began to twitch to life. I heard the "oofs" and squeals people made as they hit the ground. Fortunately, my singer did not hit her head, having landed against the cushion of the football player her elbow in a certain delicate region causing him to gasp and silently weep. Her face red, she scooted back on her hands and knees, rubbing her healing ribs and whispered a mortified, "I'm sorry."

From above her, Lauren Mallory's nasal voice called out, "God Bella, we're going to have to keep a tally of how many people you crash into during the day and nearly kill. You're so freaking clumsy your brain should be studied for science."

She swept her eyes up and down my human indicating her disdain with her jeering tone. I was suddenly regretting the chivalry instilled in my by my Mother. I had never physically harmed a human female and at that very moment I desired to provide Mike Newton with a roommate wearing a body cast. My fingers actually twitched. The other students in the room thought of multiple incidents in which my singer had fallen and crashed into others. Their thoughts did not like Lauren's tone, but they did appreciate her point.

I winced at Lauren's use of the word "killing," hoping that it did not remind my singer of my lies.

My human crouched on the ground. I could not see her face from my angle or the minds of others, and she had her back to me. She glanced up to see Ben Cheney's outstretched palm. Lifting her with one hand, he picked up her backpack and slung it over his shoulder. Angela collected the gift box that had fallen beside it. Ben turned to Lauren with an angry expression on his face.

"This wasn't Bella's fault," Ben pointed to the football player, "Abraham bumped into everyone, and frankly it was pretty rude because you hit girls in the process. Abraham, you need to say you are sorry. Lauren, you owe Bella an apology. It's not like she trips on purpose." My singer squirmed as eyes fell upon her. Realizing she was now the center of attention she stilled like a startled fawn. I heard her heart rate soar.

Abraham was still occupied gasping on the ground like a beached whale. Lauren sneered, turned on her heel and walked away.

Angela surprised us all by clearly saying, "That was unkind, but unfortunately predictable," to Lauren's retreating back.

Angela Webber had the reputation as the sweetest person in the school. Her words went off like an artillery round and started people snickering at Lauren, whose shoulders noticeably stiffened. Retreating in the face of superior firepower, she all but scurried from the building, and slipped on the ice three steps outside of the door. No one assisted her in standing.

Angry that I had missed the opportunity to aid my singer, I trained my ire at the nearest available target. I grasped the 325 pound linebacker and lifted him off of the floor like he was a puppy by the scruff of his neck. Once he stood on his feet, my hands seemed to the observing eye as if they were clapping him on the back in support. In fact, I hit him just hard enough to cause bruising. Considering he'd fallen on the floor, he would never associate it with me alone. Putting my body in between his and my human's, I wanted his undivided attention, and needed to keep her safe behind me. And I had reached my limit on breaking limbs for the day.

"It's rude to hit women," I snarled at him quietly. "Do you require assistance learning basic manners? I would be delighted to offer you a tip. Learn how to use your bulk wisely. Or I'll teach you." I offered him the eyes of the predator that I was. Despite his limited thinking capacity, his survival instinct kicked in. He wondered how a skinny guy like me could lift him up like he was a snowball. I was not skinny. Stolid simpleton. I tried to remind myself that idiots like him served a function of adding to the gene pool more idiots who usually ended up being dinner for the blood dependent vampires.

He blurted, "Um, sorry man, not looking where I was going. My bad. Sorry Bella, Angela, Terry, Robert," he addressed each of his victims, and then left head hanging to be comforted by his trollop. My singer watched quietly. Ben handed my human her things with a pat on the arm. Angela smiled at my singer as she told her, "Hang in there, Bella. Thank you, Edward." I remember trying not to laugh as Angela thought that my human was having a good influence on me as she and Cheney walked away. If only she knew. Putting on my most charming smile, I turned to my singer.

My siblings were nervous about me being around my singer alone. They lurked in the parking lot, keeping an eye out on me. Like a sports broadcaster on human television, Emmett gleefully reported Lauren Mallory's attempts to totter in her ridiculous footwear on the ice. Apparently, no one in Forks wanted to play the Good Samaritan to the town termagant. Even Rosalie thought her behavior cruel. Ben Cheney and Angela Webber ended up taking Lauren by the arms and leading her to her Mother's idling car as she moaned about her ruined Jimmy Choos heels. I had no idea why she had named her footwear. Women.

With disinterest, Mrs. Mallory had sat and watched her daughter flail about from the comfort of her warm Mercedes. She had stared at her nails while tapping the steering wheel and fretted that her manicure hadn't been done properly. She did feel sympathy when she heard her daughter's cry about the footwear. Ruining a pair of that designer's shoes was enough to send her to bed for a week in mourning. No wonder the girl was a raging shrew. My thoughts drifted back to my singer in a flash.

I pointed to the ice grippers in her hand, "Would you like to sit by me so I can show you how to put them on? I promise not to bite. Much." I said darkly, pointing at an empty bench in the hall.

At my comment, Emmett whispered at vampire frequency, _"Dude, that's just like, so wrong. Nice use of irony though. And what did you do to scare her? I can smell her adrenaline from here."_

Her body indicated that something had alarmed her. I wondered if my eyes had changed color, thinking they shouldn't have, as I had fed just that morning. Searching out with my gift I breathed a sigh of relief as a teacher walked by and I read his mind. My eyes were normal.

My human sat by my side, placing the gift box to her right by her backpack. Trying to avoid touching her, I demonstrated how to put the device on the sole of her boot using my own as an example. Her hands shook as she tried to put hers on to the point where she dropped them on the floor. Twice.

I couldn't understand why putting ice grippers on her feet had her so terrified. "It's ok. I'll show you how. It takes a bit of practice. You just have to get the hang of them," I murmured.

She buried her face in her hands. I smelled tears in alarm. What had I said? Other than Rosalie that one time, who didn't count, I had never purposely made any other woman cry. And this was the second time my human had wept in front of me in a month. My Mother would be horrified at my manners.

Tyler walked by wondering what that jerk (my translation of his uncouth language) Cullen was doing to my human - she'd looked so scared this morning when he'd mentioned how fun it was driving to school sliding his car on the ice during first period.

Ah. Driving. I see, I thought, and remembered Jasper's theory.

"So, can you tell me what has you so upset?"

"I don't know how." She looked down at the ground and shrugged her shoulders.

"To put ice grippers on your boots? It's not hard. I'll show you." I said calmly, and reached for her left foot.

"I'm grateful for that, but that is not what I mean. I don't know how to drive in heavy snow and ice. No one ever taught me." She sounded like she had just confessed to butchering the entire freshman class at Forks High.

"I see." sounding noncommittal seemed appropriate.

"My Dad's was sick the last time it snowed, and I had to get his medicine. I drove at night because the storm was supposed to get worse in the morning and . . . I was afraid. And he needed his antibiotics. He would have become sicker without them."

"It's not a hanging offense to care for your ill parent. And it just takes a bit of time to learn how to handle the ice."

I don't think she heard me. Her gaze was far away. She started trembling and rubbing her ribs, "I keep having nightmares about the accident. I don't remember much, but I remember hearing Rosalie scream. I remember your voice yelling "no" and I remember being terrified that you were going to be hurt. And I remember hearing glass shatter and this pain in my head. I have this image of your frightened face that I've had trouble getting out of my head. I keep seeing it and hearing glass breaking and metal crunching. I think of it every time I get behind the wheel. I'm afraid I'll kill someone the next time. And your Mother." She wiped at her eyes furiously, taking a deep gasp of air. Oh dear, she seemed to become more upset. This was not good.

"What about her?"

"How could she be so nice to me considering I almost killed four of her children last month?" Then she really broke down. Now, I understood why she was avoiding me. She thought I had been mad at her for nearly eradicating my family. The EdBargo that had once seemed so diverting no longer seemed funny at all. And her shaking hands as she bought the flowers for my Mother at the floral shop now made perfect sense.

I felt a mix of emotions at that moment. On one hand, I felt relieved that she had believed our account of the accident. That meant our secret was safe. On the other, the fact that by lying I'd caused her nightmares and to fear getting behind the wheel of her truck galled me. Not getting adequate rest could impair her immune system. She'd get sick and miss school. I couldn't have that. Her sobs brought me back to the moment. I simply had no idea what to do with her to make her stop.

Mary Alice said from the parking lot, "Edward you need to say something."

"You feel guilty?" I blurted.

She nodded.

I looked at her feeling helpless. Awkwardly, I patted her forearm as if she were live ordinance capable of exploding at any minute.

I mentally raced through the nearby minds until I found Mrs. Cardwick, a P.E. teacher who was watching us from down the hall and remembering how she comforted my singer when she fell and cried privately in the locker room in gym last week after being mocked in public by Lauren Mallory for being clumsy and ugly and "retarded." Like a starving man falling upon a crust of bread, I seized the memory from her mind. Grateful, I mimicked her movement, patting my human's shoulder.

But it was awkward at this angle. And she kept crying. And we were getting stares. I couldn't have it look like I was the one who had made her weep. I had to stop her. When I thought of comfort, the first image that came to my mind was my human Mother, Elizabeth Masen.

I could remember bits of how she had behaved as I was dying, but not much more. Suddenly, a memory hit me as I touched my singer. I remembered Mother holding me in her arms as I lay dying, humming to me my childhood lullaby and rocking me against her flushed cheek - even though I had been taller and larger than she was. I remember feeling her hot hand across my hair and temple and how, despite the fact that my body was so miserable, she told me I was loved, and cherished, and safe.

Despite the passage of over eighty years, in that second I felt my Mother's hand on my brow my skin prickling as if her shade stood behind me. I could feel my Mother's hands caress my hair, tenderly. I closed my eyes so that I could keep my emotions hidden as a wave of longing for my late Mother overwhelmed me, combined with awe for what I had experienced.

I looked down at my human wondering how such a tiny little thing with her odd brain could spark such a response in me. How miraculous it seemed. I marveled that, bit by bit, I regained precious memories of my human life. They may have only represented seconds of that time, but to me it was like cooling drops of water after crossing the desert.

Feeling as if she were guiding me from the grave, I drew upon my recollection of my Mother. Throwing caution to the winds, I pulled my human onto my lap with her right side pressed against me, encircling her with my arms. I thanked God once again that my sweater was warm. I guided her head with my hand in what was becoming a familiar location, the soft spot I lacked on my chest. She didn't seem to notice, however, and cuddled against me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders as she cried on my sweater. I found myself humming to her a melody that I had been composing that reminded me of her. I pulled my coat around her. The hall was drafty. She could get chilled weeping.

Jasper hissed at vampire frequency, _"Edward you have to take the lead here. She's just as shy as you are. Say something. Stop using closed questions. Ask her how she was feeling this morning sitting in her truck."_ Right. No wonder he was a tactician. The man was brilliant. I remembered from his thoughts that he used to be the main interrogator during the Southern wars of his coven. _"And reach into your pants pocket and offer her a handkerchief you jackdaw."_

Oh. We always carried them to blend in. A white square of fabric that had my initials embroidered on it magically appeared in my hand. I dabbed at her eyes carefully in fascination. I wanted to ensure that I didn't accidentally poke one out. I remembered with revulsion how I had purposely bruised her the night of the accident so handled her delicately. I had never been this close to a crying human. One that lived.

"So would you care to tell me what was going through your mind this morning when you were sitting in your truck? You were upset." That sounded good. Caring.

She said through her tears, "Ever since the accident, I've had nightmares about hurting your sister and you and your family. Today is the first time it's snowed since then. I told myself I had to stop being a coward and forced myself to drive. I was trying to . . ." She suddenly started coughing into her hand hunching her shoulders. I patted her back. I noticed she wheezed a bit. That didn't sound good. She shouldn't wheeze. I really needed to calm her.

Rose chimed in from the parking lot, "I can't believe I'm even saying this after what a jerk you've been to me. God, Edward, even I'm feeling sorry for your pathetic human. Mother did make me help you as part of my punishment. So listen up. She's clearly suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Tell her that it's normal and use the opportunity to practice driving with her to desensitize her."

Rosalie was a trained psychiatrist. And she was a woman. Sometimes. Her diagnosis sounded accurate, however. This could be good for me. PTSD would take a long time for her to recover. That meant more quality singer time. I could use this. Besides, I had to get her calm. It was heartbreaking to hear her sob. It would interfere with her scent. Positively heartbreaking. I had my priorities.

"You did nothing wrong. You were simply being a good daughter. It's not your fault that the deer startled you as you came around that bend. Had our cars crashed, we would actually have come out of it better than you as our vehicle is safer. So stop feeling guilty." I said, "Anyone who had a crash like you did would be frightened. When we found you in the wreckage you have no idea how close you came.......I thought for a minute you had died. You may have forgotten the actual events, but your body remembers the fear. Your brain is firing fear signals when it shouldn't and that is making you scared when ordinarily you wouldn't feel that way." I was surprised that I actually felt the concern I was emitting. Way to internalize a role, I thought, as I looked into her puffy eyes, thanking Rosalie for helping me with that speech.

I couldn't stop touching her hair. I remember my Mother doing that for me when I was upset and how soothing it felt. I noticed my singer's blood pressure was lowering as I continued to run my hand through her soft hair. I was careful to not touch her bare skin.

"Are you telling me I'm going to feel this way forever every time I get in the car when it's snowing?" Comforting her had benefits. I noticed she took deep gulps of air, too. Maybe I should breathe on her a bit, I thought.

From the parking lot Mary Alice had a mortifying vision that she instantly blocked of just what might happen if I "blew" my singer as she called it. She mentally told me, "Edward, stop using your vamp charms on a vulnerable girl. Either calm her down responsibly, or I will personally torture you. I'm giving you two minutes before Jasper comes in there to calm her." I decided to listen. I didn't want Jasper near her.

"No. I'm telling you that from now on, you and I are going to drive together every time it snows. We'll practice so you can see that you can handle this. And you'll be safe with me. I promise. Does that arrangement suit you?"

She nodded, eyes wide. I moved from her hair to her shoulders rubbing in slow circles to help ease the tension. She was wound tighter than a spring. We sat in silence for five minutes. I felt perfectly comfortable simply holding her in my arms caressing her hair. Part of me knew that was wrong. But I couldn't bring myself to care. The selfish creature in me could not stay away from her lure. My hands were getting accustomed the feel of being on her. And I did not mind people seeing that she was mine as they walked down the hall looking at us sitting on the bench together.

"I'm sorry I cried all over you, Edward. I don't normally do things like that." She looked embarrassed.

"That's ok. You can cry on me anytime." I continued with a smile, and pulled her against me.

"I've cried all over your sweater." She rubbed her hand on my chest.

Starched Shirt Edward whined, "You are taking advantage of a pure young lady who is vulnerable. She has been on our lap entirely too long. This is a public location, and she is not a hoyden."

"My sweater is gratified for the honor. Seriously. You have no idea how honored I am that you chose to talk to me. The parking lot is almost empty." She looked up at me with a watery smile. My singer had the longest eyelashes.

"Let's see you drive home. I'll be with you every step of the way." I handed her the ice grippers.

"How will you get home?"

"I have a cell phone and can call my family. It's not a problem."

Still sitting on my lap, I guided her hands and showed her how to put the ice grippers on properly. Erik Yorkie walked by and thought to himself that for an icy jerk I certainly seemed to be warming up to Bella and that he was surprised. He had thought I was in the closet like he was. He wondered if I was using Bella for cover, deciding to ponder that later as he walked off in the distance.

Good lord, the gossip in this town. What was I going to have to do, kiss and grope her in the lunch room before a crowd? Ignoring his assault on my heterosexuality, Starched Shirt Edward sounded a warning bell. I decided it would be prudent to stop having sexual thoughts when she was seated on my lap and that perhaps Starched Shirt me had a point. I lifted her by the hips, stood and placed her on the ground with a flourish, turning it into a joke. I murmured, "My dear lady, I am prepared to sweep you off your feet at a moment's notice if you would do me the singular honor of joining me for a stroll in our scenic parking lot," I extended my gloved hand for her to take. She agreed with a small smile.

She still clutched my handkerchief in her hand, and I decided I was not going to ask for it back. It would give her another excuse to talk to me. We walked into the parking lot still holding hands. I'd never held a human female's hand before, and was not sure of the etiquette. I had taken her backpack and slung it over my shoulder and her gift box in my hand as well. This whole relationship plan was more work than I anticipated. Had you asked me a month ago if I'd ever willingly touch a human, I would have laughed myself senseless. Had you asked me that day if I'd ever willingly touch a human, I would have snarled at you to go find your own and stay the hell away from mine.

She stalled at the edge of the icy lot.

"That's it. You're doing fine. The metal on your shoes will keep you from slipping."

"We'll see. I don't have the best of luck with things like this." She joked.

She seemed amazed as we slowly walked to her truck. I stood by her side as she used her keys to open the driver's side door, then dashed around at human speed to the other side. My human had to scoot over to my side to unlock it by hand. I slid her backpack and the box under the bench seat and climbed in the truck, shutting the door and fastening my seat belt like normal humans would.

My singer took a deep breath, and her hands shook as she put the key in the ignition. She started the truck, turning on the heater and let it warm up for a few minutes. I noticed she moved the vents so they would blow on me. I told her I was fine and moved them back to direct them at her. My singer's hands shook as she put it into reverse.

"Put your foot on the accelerator gently so you don't skid." If I'd had a working heart, it would have leapt in my chest at the look she gave me at that moment. I did feel a curious burning sensation in the region of my chest and prayed I did not have any more food to vomit. I thought I'd cleared my stomach earlier, and had brushed my teeth twice with a toothbrush and mouthwash kept permanently in my locker.

"When you brake, you only need to gently press on them."

"Edward, this is an old truck. It doesn't have fancy brakes."

"It does now."

"What?"

"My family had your car repaired. We had an airbag system put in and anti-lock brakes. We wanted you to be safe. Also, I don't know if you noticed but we had the seat custom installed so you can raise or lower it to the height you prefer to give you better visibility when you drive." I leaned over nervously almost placing my head in her lap for the switch and lifted the seat for her to an appropriate height.

She stared at me mouth formed in a perfect "O" shape for a moment.

"Can you see better now?" She remained stunned looking.

Finally, she cleared her throat and said, "Edward, I just don't know what to say."

"If it keeps you safe then it's worth it. Now stop stalling, and drive. You can do this. I'm here and you'll be safe."

Despite how scared she was, I was so proud to see her fierce determination. We drove for twenty minutes that day, practicing in the empty lot just driving and braking to get her used to the new brake system. This idea of having an activity to discuss so I could actually talk to her was pure genius. I didn't have to struggle when I explained to her the difference between her old brakes and an ABS system.

Once she seemed comfortable in the lot, I encouraged her to head for home telling her I didn't think she was ready to face rush hour quite yet. She blanched and gripped the wheel white-knuckled but kept driving. When we came to the first stop light she started braking carefully, but I noticed with alarm she was breathing in gasps when the truck started to slide on a patch of ice. I had her pull into the parking lot of the local Bank of America which, fortunately, was deserted and stop the car. She was still gasping, and sounded asthmatic. I unbuckled her seat belt, removed her keys from the ignition and pulled her into my lap again, listening to her lungs. I stroked her back telling her she was fine and she could do this. I could tell she was embarrassed as she wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" the floorboard seemed to fascinate her.

"We're across from the hospital. Would you mind if we stopped by for a moment? I need to pick something up from my Father."

"That's fine."

"We can practice in this lot as well and there's more thick ice for you to walk on in your shoes," I explained as I opened the car door lifting her from my lap and setting her carefully on the ground. We walked to the emergency room door. I used what I remembered from being a human and clasped my hand around her upper arm as was proper for my time. But I did not want my singer to fall so took the chance and maintained my hold on her waist.

Once inside, we sat down to remove our ice grippers and I led her to my Father's office. As we walked in the door of the building I called out to him at vampire speed and told him, "I think Bella is having an asthma attack. Her medical history does not indicate asthma, Father." Carlisle met us at his examination room and greeted Bella warmly.

"Edward, I have that migraine medication you needed." He said casually. He then greeted Bella warmly, "Bella, would you mind if I examined you for a moment? Your breathing sounds off." He said.

She looked started and said, "My chest does feel kind of funny. Sure, Dr. Cullen."

Fifty-five minutes later she had a breathing treatment, a new nebulizer and prescriptions filled for asthma medication. Most importantly, we'd taught her how to use her new inhaler. I pocketed several samples of hers to keep around in case she was ill. And insisted Carlisle bring me several epinephrine pens as well to store. We couldn't have her dying due to my negligence. I insisted she make an appointment to have her tested for allergies, as many people with asthma had them, and she had just moved here. I managed to persuade Father to draw blood to check her thyroid and give her a tetanus booster, so I was happy with this visit. I thought ahead to the research I planned to examine on the latest studies on asthma to be prepared to care for her. Asthmatics did not do well in the winter.

Of course, I suggested while we were at it, we should stop by and see Newton. She smiled and agreed. I even went so far as to buy him a floral arrangement from the gift shop in lovely colors of pink and white. It was a sly way of emasculating him, I thought. He looked excited as Bella walked into the room and his face fell as he saw me behind her. I tried not to smirk. We talked for a few moments; long enough to find that he'd be hospitalized for a week.

Newton started fantasizing about what he was going to do to my singer once the doctors removed his casts. Breaking his arms now seemed infinitely more appealing, I thought, as she tugged me out of the room after we said goodbye. I made sure to put my hand on her waist so the idiot could see that she was mine. As we exited the room after a cheery farewell, my look was smug as Newton thought to himself, _"Man that Bella looked totally hung up on Cullen and I've never seen her look that happy near any guy in school. Crap."_

Sometimes, just sometimes I thought, it was good to be me.

She seemed to have the hang of putting on her ice grippers and I insisted on carrying her bag and being the one to drive, given her hands were too shaky from the breathing treatment. She had a headache which we had attempted to prevent by making her take Motrin. We pulled up to her house as her Father pulled into the driveway.

He looked at me suspiciously, remembering I was the one who had found his daughter the night of the accident. Chief Swan wondered what I was doing acting as her chauffeur, for crying out loud, when she was perfectly capable of driving herself. Although he did think I came from a nice family.

"Hi, Dad."

"Bells."

"You remember Edward."

"Dr. Cullen's boy?" More like old enough to be your great-grandfather, I smiled.

"The very one, sir. How are you feeling?" I reminded him that the last time we'd seen one another he'd been in bed shivering like a snot-nosed child.

"Oh, just dandy."

"Edward has been teaching me how to drive in the snow, Dad."

"Has he? How very gentlemanly of you, Edward."

I thought to myself, that he had no idea how very gentlemanly I really was.

On that note, Mary Alice mercifully pulled up accompanied by her grinning husband and Emmett.

I shook Chief Swan's hand, patted my human awkwardly on the back and promised to see her the next morning.

She looked confused for a moment.

"We're getting three more inches of snow. I'll be here at 6:30."

"Oh," she flushed, "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

I noticed she never mentioned to him that she was asthmatic or showed him her medication. Nor did she tell her Mother in her email that night.

When we arrived at the house, I strolled to my room and shut the door. I turned on my stereo raising the music volume. Pulling the bottle cap from my pocket I lifted it to my nose and surreptitiously inhaled her fragrance letting the waves of pleasure wash through me. To preserve the scent, I shrouded it in a plastic bag I had filched from the kitchen, laying it in a small wooden box beside my Mother's ring and the knife that took Sister Claire's life. It would be safe there from the prying eyes of my family.

In the privacy of my mind, I told myself I had taken the bottle cap at lunch because I could carry it with me as a talisman to remind me that not everything in my life was miserable as I thought of my singer's face. I ignored Emmett who had despite my music figured out what I did with his supersensitive hearing. In his mind he asked me if I was enjoying sniffing my human's panties - bottle cap he corrected begging my pardon. I couldn't understand why he was making such a big deal about the stupid bottle cap when I had more of her scent on my sweater - an article of clothing I immediately removed and placed on my bed. I growled loudly in response as he guffawed. I particularly ignored Emmett's suggestion that I engage in deviant activities in the shower with myself, and stomped from the house in moral outrage to the sounds of his laughter.

When Father returned from work, he called a family conference. He asked me to please explain how Mike Newton had two perfectly broken legs. Looking at the ground, I haltingly explained my reasoning as my brothers chortled, particularly when I referred to his crude and vulgar intentions towards my singer and his intention of getting her drunk that night and taking advantage of her virtue. I left out that the thing that had made me ultimately snap, aside from his intention on having unprotected sexual intercourse with my human, was his mental image of dancing with her in his room. Jasper defended me telling Father with embarrassment about the effect that Mike's lust had been having on him at that moment and that my actions had according to Mary Alice prevented 25 teen pregnancies.

Father mildly suggested next time I simply threaten the human or gently punch him in the eye, rather than break bones. And he chided my brothers for encouraging my immature behavior. He argued that my over-reaction had left the Newton's in a financial difficulty and that we were honor bound to rectify the situation. We were all sentenced to volunteer to run Newton's Outfitters while Mike was hospitalized for the next week in our free time after school and on weekends.

He insisted on doing Mike's orthopedic surgery as a discounted rate due to their income. Mrs. Newton was out of town for the week as well, leaving the store in short supply with only her husband there and he was overwhelmed. Father called Mr. Newton and arranged a work schedule in the guise of neighborly assistance. We would all be working after school and on weekends as Alice had predicted there would be no sun in the next two weeks. After nodding in compliance to his lecture, I decided to do some personal research.

I went back to the hospital and rifled through the old medical records of deceased patients that had been kept in a basement vault. It took me two hours of searching at vampire speed, but I finally located her Grandparent's medical files as well as Charlie's. She had a history of asthma on her Father's side. Her Grandfather had died from having an attack that could not be stopped. He had been deathly allergic to bee stings. Her Grandfather had not shown symptoms until his 20's. Her Grandmother had been hospitalized several times with severe asthma and had ultimately expired from an attack as well. Their only child had a history of asthma but refused to take medication for it insisting against doctor's advice that he "felt fine".

My singer's dim-witted parents had never had their daughter screened for the condition. As the only time she saw a doctor typically involved an injury, the condition had gone untreated.

I decided to go watch over my singer. After all, someone needed to keep her safe. And I knew she'd have bad dreams again. And now I had to guard against late night asthma attacks as I knew from my research that asthmatics statistically suffered more attacks at night. She tossed and turned that night and seemed to stop when I hummed my composition to her from across the room. I thought to myself as I watched her later on that night as she talked in her sleep she said the word "Safe" an awful lot, followed by my name. An unlikely combination. Particularly for her. The universe had a ghastly sense of humor, I thought, as I took in a deep breath, reminding myself of all the reasons I didn't want to drink her dry. Safe indeed.

I told myself that she needed to learn how to drive, because I couldn't always be around to stop her from having accidents. A safe singer was a happy singer that I could continue to enjoy. I showed up early the next morning to help her put on her ice grippers. I noticed she had washed her socks that night, realizing that they were the only warm pair she owned. I couldn't buy her another pair as that would humiliate her. And I gritted my teeth at the sight of her wearing another thin cotton shirt and her navy coat. She had my scarf on with the gloves and hat my Mother had given her, I thought, with a smile of satisfaction. I kept myself from rearranging it to cover her more completely. I was contemplating buying her a wool burqua but Starched Shirt Edward complained that the fabric would chafe her skin and she would kick me for being a sexist pig, adoping the religious practices of another culture for selfish reasons.

The predator thought getting her out of the eyes of other males was not a good idea as we needed to clearly show them she belonged with us and that could only be done in public. He groused that we would unfortunately have to behave, and couldn't even have a teensy weensy sip.

After using her inhaler, she said she was ready to take another stab at driving. I had arrived early on purpose so that she would not have to deal with the high school rush hour, and she seemed grateful. She also seemed baffled at me walking her to her car door and opening it for her and shutting it considering that she was driving. I explained that it was how I was raised and she made no further comment. Her driving was considerably better but she was still clearly scared. So was her walking although she slipped once, and I fortunately caught her. We parted at the school door and I asked her again to lunch shyly telling her I'd done some research on asthma.

After rifling through the minds of the more socially adept students around me for over a week, I had rehearsed my approach, role, and wardrobe. I had decided that I needed to use more effort in courting my human. Acting shy for 75 years meant I fell back on that behavior naturally and my social skills were rusty, as Jasper had kindly pointed out to me. And I did not want to embarrass myself. I wanted to be better to earn her time.

By her constant blushing, awkward silences, and nervous eyes, I could tell she was not used to attention from men and attributed that to her shyness. For the first time ever I thanked the damning beauty my nature had given me to attract humans. When I caught her staring at my shoulders on a few occasions and blushing, I had Mary Alice find me slightly more fitted shirts. Alas, that had the downside of causing mass hysteria and disgusting fantasies among many of the female students at Forks high, Jessica Stanley especially. My human's additional weakness seemed to be her self-less nature, one I found baffling but planned to use ruthlessly to my advantage. Because using that against her would make her putty in my hands.

After I had discovered her motivation behind the EdBargo, I had done further research. I had hacked into the local First Century Bank of Forks where she kept her account. She had saved $323 from Phoenix, money she had apparently earned tutoring. She had withdrawn from that account the majority of the money used to buy the card and flowers for my Mother. The rest she had used her spare change and worn bills saved in a jar on her dresser. Even when apologizing she gave everything she had to do the right thing. Finding such purity baffled me, I had long ceased believing in anything noble. But I was willing to entertain the notion that for just a little while, I could pretend to be that for her.

And so began my series of lunch dates with my human. I made sure she was educated on the latest medical research concerning asthma, and even brought her helpful pamphlets that explained her condition. I also told her that I would be carrying an extra inhaler in case she forgot hers.

She looked at me with the same expression that she had offered my Mother the other day. She and I would sit at our own private corner, usually playing chess. I would do my best to pretend we were surrounded by silence so I could cherish this time breathing in her scent. Mentally, I felt relieved I had discovered her love of chess as it offered a safe way to talk given my discomfort and her shyness. We made a wonderfully awkward pair.

But chess, now that was a good way to break the ice. I now understood why the Israelis used playing chess with prisoners as an interrogation technique that proved quite reliable. You could learn so much about someone's mind from watching them plan a battle. My singer constantly surprised me with clever moves, and she had an intuitive feel for the game, although she did not recognize her talent. It surprised me to find her chastising me for a particular move as we debated the merits of each other's strategies. It shocked me even more that she often times was right.

Forks High was distracted from paying attention to me and my human by the arrival of a new student, an exchange student from Florence by the name of Gianni Ghiselli, esquire. At first, the women nearly trampled each other to death in order to have the opportunity to converse with the preening weasel. Watching him through the minds of others, and reading his own pea-sized brain soon revealed an incipient problem.

Mr. Ghiselli liked to touch women inappropriately in public in such a way as he did not get caught, but they felt violated. This continued for three days. Since he hadn't touched my human, I did not intervene. On his third day, however, he started flirting with her in Spanish class and ogling her chest. I decided to end the issue, in the name of chivalry to all human females at Forks High. When the coach stepped out of the gym for a moment, I lifted Gianni by the throat as he reached out for a girl's bottom during the basketball game we were playing. All the other students gawped.

In fluent Italian, with a friendly smile, I chided him for his obscene behavior, shaking him for emphasis a time or seven. "I've noticed you seem to have a problem with appropriate touching of women here in Forks. I'm keen to help you resolve this issue. Let me make this simple for you. I'll use small words. Stop touching the girls."

Emmett added in English, "Dude, the groping of the women has to stop. My brother is right. And you're really lucky he got to you first because Jasper and I aren't so nice. If we hear of you touching any one else, you had better hope he gets to you before we do. We have sisters, and our Parents raised us right when it comes to treating women. Unlike yours."

I continued on in English "Just walking to this class, by my count, you have inappropriately touched seven girls in this room today."

Jasper said, "Either apologize personally to them now, or we will be dragging you to the principal's office and you will obtain the chance to personally express remorse to them in front of their Fathers. In the United States, we have very liberal laws regarding firearm ownership compared to Italy. So, you could expect their Fathers to arrive to school armed." He nodded to me to finish.

I lifted him higher into the air, "Apologize to the women now. And for a brief moment, try to behave as if your Mother taught you manners."

We were not surprised when he eagerly complied. The women in the room were understandably distraught. The men were angry on their behalf. New rumors swept through school regarding Cullen chivalry. And apparently I was now being referred to as a "hottie" by the linguistically challenged Jessica Stanley. My brothers, too.

At lunch, Gianni pranced into the room spoiling for a fight. The women who had previously been lusting after him now stared frostily when he flirted. That damn freaky family had ruined a perfectly good opportunity he had to seduce the entire school. He decided he needed to even the playing field. What better way than to steal the plain girl that guy sat with at lunch? The one he was so protective of? It would be fitting. Gianni was, after all, Italian and understood the concept of vengeance. He was related to Machiavelli. And my singer was not plain.

He loudly walked by our table and said to my human, "When you're tired of spending time with that pale freak and want to see what a real man can do, come find me, bellisima. He isn't worthy to kiss the bottom of your shoe." He did have a point. I wasn't. But hell would freeze over before I permitted him to kiss her shoe, or any other part of her.

The cafeteria fell silent.

My singer blanched for a brief moment and got a panicked look on her face. I wanted to annihilate him where he stood for making her nervous.

She gulped, and cleared her throat, squirming in her chair. In the silence of the cafeteria her soft voice echoed, "I'm every bit as pale as he is, so I guess that makes me a freak, too."

Gianni looked horrified. He approached the table hand outreached to touch her cheek and my human ducked away. I quickly reached across the table and caught Gianni's forearm in a vise-like grip. In a very friendly tone in Italian I said, "If you _ever_ touch her, by the time I am done, you will beg me to die." I let him see the beast within my eyes.

Jasper added in Italian. "You also seem to forget that he comes from a large family. A very close large family. With relatives in Italy. Lots of them. Who don't mind visiting yours and paying their utmost respects." He directed fear solely at Gianni.

My human gave the coup de grace. She looked at Gianni weighing and dismissing him with a not so subtle glance. "Gianni, thank you, but I have lunch with 'a real man' every day. Have a nice day."

At her nod, I released his arm. It was good to occasionally let her think she was in control.

He fled like all good cowards do. Jasper made him wet his pants from fear as he exited the cafeteria.

Carefully, she moved her pawn on the board smiled shyly and said, "Check."

Drat. My human did it again. Foiled by a female. Looking into her triumphant grin, I thought I could get used to this. Losing never felt so good. For right now, it suited me to let her be on top. Of the world that is.

**Snarky Summary**

**Edward realizes that he completely misinterpreted the EdBargo. Bella bought his lies and has been under the impression she nearly killed all the Cullen siblings last month. Now she's terrified to drive in snow, and has to his delight developed asthma as well as PTSD. Now he has more reasons to stalk, I mean court, his singer. Edward is becoming increasingly protective of her, but at the same time both he and Bella are painfully shy and he literally does not know how to communicate with her. Edward has a vision when touching Bella of his human life where he feels his human Mother touching his face. Edward volunteers to teach Bella how to drive in snow. In the process he discovers she has asthma. They begin meeting for lunch to play chess. And a rather colorful character by the name of Gianni causes chaos at Forks high.**

**Here's a teaser for the next chapter:**

**My human's hair was wild and she had a satisfied smile on her flushed face as she rubbed it against the sheets that held my scent. The fact that Alice could smell both my singer and I made this look all that much worse. I had never been caught in a compromising position with any woman ever and felt positively mortified.**

**Please review it feeds my low self-esteem. Starched Shirt Edward needs some love.**


	15. HOD pt 4 Deviant

**This chapter goes out to Notmyself - AKA Mia - for her hilarious and insightful reviews and a certain phrase that I used in reference to the Groper - it came from her. Many thanks to you! And many thanks to everyone else who has reviewed as well. The last chapter received again an overwhelming response which just touched me. **

**All hail to my amazing beta who validates me, Vjgm! **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So There.**

**In the last chapter we saw Edward's campaign to spend time with his singer end in their having lunch and playing chess. He's using the opportunity to try to learn more about her - although talking for each is painful because both are shy. Edward has a vision after touching Bella of his human life and regains a memory he thought long forgotten.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Four - Deviant**

Mike Newton was released from the hospital that week. I had been paying him nightly visits and adjusting his charts, unbeknownst to his bewildered doctors, with perfectly forged orders. Newton had the distinct pleasure of being tested for every STD known to man, and was aghast to discover he suffered from HPV. And crabs. He was equally bewildered as to why he had to have a spinal tap and a prostate exam and a psych evaluation. Carlisle put his foot down when I wrote an order for daily enemas, asking me to have mercy on the nursing staff. I mentally decided that perhaps young Master Newton needed some time to ponder the mysteries of life, and thank his lucky stars that he had never actually touched my human.

I took great delight when the County Health Department showed up wooden cliipboard in hand, to the high school office at Forks, after an anonymous tip that I had nothing to do with, to test all of Mike's almost conquests for infection. The fact that the county officials knew them all by name was purely coincidental, and had, of course, nothing to do with the frolicking I had done through Mike's empty head after I had left his yearbook in his hospital room while he slept.

Mass hysteria spread through the halls when seventeen students were found to be infected. Hair pulling, hissing, crying, and finger pointing amongst the women traveled within the hallways of the small school. There was even more consternation when his girlfriend, Jessica Stanley realized that she did not need to be tested but seven of her friends did. I, therefore, was not responsible for the rumors that began raging through the high school about his medical condition. Three young men learned the hard way how, even though they personally had not had sexual congress, or almost sexual congress, with Mike Newton, they had somehow been the recipient of his gifts as well.

When the parents showed up to take their abashed children to the hospital in the Forks High walk of shame, I almost had to leave the building to keep from laughing. Attending high school had never been so entertaining. I thanked goodness that by having lunch with my singer, I could shield her from the unsavory gossip that should never taint her virgin ears. And I congratulated myself for protecting her from crabs. And HPV. And the slug Mike Newton with his six-pack of Bud Lite and bareback intentions, whose father was currently sitting with him at the hospital making him write letters of apology.

My singer was worth so much more than a six pack of Bud Lite. I should have broken more bones for that insult alone, I fretted.

Upon discovering that I had prevented a plague of STD's, Carlisle stopped worrying so much about my actions regarding the not so illustrious Mike Newton. And his father, upon learning of his son's diagnosis, did not question why mysteriously, a lifetime supply of condoms appeared in his garage with a label gifting them to his son. A thoughtful gesture, I know, one I, of course, had nothing to do with, being ignorant of his son's deviant ways and preference for not using condoms. With Newton in the hospital, I had more time to practice learning how to converse with my human.

This whole communication routine slowly painfully became a bit easier. At lunch, I perfected a technique of indirectly asking her questions. Instead of asking, for example, "Why is your father an emotionally remote idiot?" I inquired, "How did your Father become a police officer?"

She told me he started out of high school and the pay meant he could support his infirm parents. I learned indirectly from that story why her parents had divorced. Apparently, her Mother decided caring for a set of in-laws, interfered with her need to be "true to herself." So she snatched her daughter and ran, cutting my human off from her quiet Father. Her birdbrain mother gave her daughter back every summer, it seemed. And some holidays.

After failed stints teaching aerobics, toddlers at tai chi school, designing macramé plant holders, raising yaks, feng shui, and opening a transcendental meditation school, her Mother had finally decided that substitute teaching was the ideal career as she eagerly thought herself ideal for the challenge of molding young minds. The 76 email messages I had read now made complete sense. My human raised her Mother, not the other way around, and hid it from her Father.

Instead of asking, "Do you know you have a family history of asthma?" I asked her, "So what were your grandparents like?"

Appearing thoughtful, she indicated she knew they had been ill and on medication, but she had been told they had both died of heart failure. Her parents hadn't really talked about it much. Death, it seemed, disturbed her, so I changed the subject.

Throughout the lunch hour, I would watch fascinated, and do my best to ignore the catcalls from across the room. My apelike brothers were positively repulsed that I ate human food with her every day. Unwashed heathens.

Speaking of barbarians, the Italian Groper, Gianni Ghiselli, returned to school. He wore an expression that I'm sure he thought reflected danger toward me and mine. If only he knew how lucky he was to have a pulse. Our dear boy had rallied, deciding to brave the scathing glances of the females at Forks high to brazen out his sins. He honestly thought he could charm his way out of this situation.

In Spanish class that morning, oozing insincerity, he complimented Lauren Mallory on the beauty of her horrible accent. He offered to tutor her with a chapter she found challenging at lunch. Simpering, knowing it would make Tyler Crowley jealous, Lauren agreed. The fact that the Italian ignoramus failed to appreciate she was using _him_ was another matter entirely.

As they walked in to the lunch room, Gianni directed Miss Mallory to a table that sat in between the one occupied by my singer and me and the other that contained my rambunctious family. To keep an eye on me, my family had moved closer to where my human and I routinely sat, not only to harass us, but to be there in case I snapped and broke some _other_ deserving person's legs. My siblings had apparently been stunned to see me involved in three physical altercations in one week. I could tell from their minds they worried I was becoming completely unhinged.

Clearly my plan was working, I gloated, as I looked down at the game of chess and moved a rook. I morphed my face into an expression resembling satisfaction, as I took a bite of a hamburger. Piously, I ignored the squeals of disgust from three of my siblings. I hissed at them at vampire pitch that my human had increased her intake of calories at lunch by 35% since I had started eating with her, and could they please be silent so I could concentrate on the game. Can't a vampire eat human food in peace? I took another bite from my hamburger, and scowled supersonically at my brothers. They were ruining my appetite.

Gianni started talking to Lauren in Spanish, and she answered him back, awkwardly. He took her hand and kissed it lingeringly, tonguing her palm and crooned, "Que linda mi reigna." _How beautiful my queen._

My gracious, how trite, I snorted. To my surprise, I found my singer snorted right along with me. Our eyes met in mutual mirth. My brothers decided that they had to contribute. After all, Gianni needed to be reminded that he was, in fact, a troll.

"Hey Jasper," Emmett caroled in perfect Italian, "I was hoping you could help me with a linguistics issue." Deliberately, he made sure he used a better accent than Gianni.

"But of course, my dear brother. How may I be of service?" Jasper returned innocently in the same tongue. Here it comes, I thought.

"How do you say 'I fucking hate that lame Italian douchebag,' in Italian?" Emmett fretted over whether or not he had translated the idiom precisely from English into Italian.

Jasper and he launched into a loud debate in Italian over the conjugation of the slang term for fornication and the precise translation of "douche" into the language. Gianni stiffened in outrage at his table, nostrils flaring. He bent his fork in rage. Lauren could smell blood in the water and for once, showed common sense and kept her mouth shut. She sat back to watch the show with a malicious grin.

My human understood enough Spanish to follow the conversation, eyes alight, but focused on winning the game. Although I agreed with harassing Gianni on principle, the crude and ungentlemanly language Emmett used in front of my delicate human raised my ire as I glared at him.

Rosalie decided to jump in on the action in the name of solidarity with abused women. "You know he claims to be descended from Machiavelli?" Her accent was pure Roman.

"I wouldn't admit that out loud," I said sweetly in Italian.

"What could you possibly have against a great man like Machiavelli?" Gianni exploded in his native tongue.

The cafeteria fell silent suffering from a dearth of native speakers of either Italian and Spanish. But one did not need to be fluent in either language to understand. The minds of the audience indicated they thought that Gianni had started an argument with the perfectly nice Cullens.

"Aside from the fact that after writing a book giving political advice, he died poor and alone with no friends? Hmm, let me see. The thing I remember most about his life was when he went against the De Medicis. In 1513, they imprisoned and tortured him to the point that even _they_ were impressed that he didn't break." I said absentmidedly.

Gianni's chest puffed out in pride.

I smiled widely and said, "I would merely be interested in seeing if you inherited that gene. For research purposes, of course. Perhaps after school." I glared at him coldly as his eyes rested on my singer's bottom, visually fondling her.

My singer's eyes widened, and she giggled, thinking I jested. I winked at her when Gianni gasped gazing at the floor.

Emmett and Jasper looked on at him and grinned, cracking their knuckles. Jasper added, "We could make it a family experiment."

Rosalie said, "Only if I get to watch," and grinned with a wicked glint in her eye, "You left me out of the last one."

Gianni excused himself quickly and ran from the room. Funny thing, he never returned. I, of course, had nothing to do with that, either.

The unfortunate side effect of eating human food meant I walked around trying not to clutch my throat and my stomach as my immortal system rebelled. And worse, I knew I could not vomit at school ever day at the same time. So it became a ritual for me to try not to writhe in pain until the second we got outside of town, where we would stop the car so I could sprint for the woods. Emmett had rebaptized me 'PukeWard.'

When they informed our Parents of my new eating habits, Father appeared mildly concerned, but Mother almost wept with joy. The fact that I was willing to encourage my human to eat by enduring such pain in her mind....Clearly, if I had known spending time with a human and mimicking that I was in love would make her this happy, I would have become a lothario seventy years ago. Angela Webber was absolutely correct; my human _was_ having a good influence on me.

I started to leave after dropping by the house that night following my usual run. Mother stopped me, holding up a card that had arrived in the mail. My human had hand written her a letter thanking my family for her gifts and their overwhelming generosity with her truck. Esme was absolutely delighted, even going so far as to comment on the quality of her prose. I nodded at my Mother, kissed her on the cheek thanking her again for what she had done for my human, and left the house. Rosalie saw the card and complained that my singer's penmanship needed work. My back to them, I rolled my eyes, as nothing about my human pleased Rosalie.

The following Monday, I worried when my singer did not appear in the parking lot at her usual time. One thing I had learned about my human was her punctuality. I had been on a long hunting trip, and I hadn't seen her in three days. I knew she had planned on spending the weekend at La Push with the Clearwater family. Her Father was scheduled to be out of town for the next week and a half at a law enforcement convention where he had to take mandatory courses for professional development. His flight had taken off two hours ago, and my blackberry indicated that it had left on time. My hacking skills had ensured he actually sat on the plane.

Your average teenage male would be ecstatic at having the object of his attraction unchaperoned for a week and a half. But I was not average. I was beyond ecstatic - not because I had impure intentions mind you - but because I could enjoy her scent without worrying about her Father's presence. For over a week. I could hardly wait for tonight, which caused my brow to furrow in concern when my human still did not appear.

I knew that Chief Swan and a friend from Port Angeles carpooled together to the airport, so she certainly had not driven him to Seattle for a flight. Looking at my watch, I wondered what could be keeping her, as she rarely arrived late. Spending three days without her scent alone had been agony. I listened for the clarion call of her ancient truck to no avail. I called her house on my cell phone and received no answer. Her Father apparently did not believe in answering machines. I told myself when school started and she still did not appear, that any reasonable vampire would check on the health of his singer. She had asthma. My human needed me.

Thirty minutes into the first period, I asked to see the nurse. In record time, squinting my eyes and pressing my hand weakly against my brow, I managed to convince her I was suffering a low level migraine, and needed to hurry home and take my medication before it became worse. When she called him, my Father gave his permission for me to leave asking that Mary Alice drive me in order that I stay safe. In over seventy years of attending school, I had never once approached the nurse asking to leave.

Caught off guard by his insistence on the presence of my sister, I decided that, clearly, he knew something was up with my human and wanted to take precautions. Mary Alice and I sped to my human's at record time. The second I came within range of the house, I could smell the blood - rather the illness in it and could hear her wheezing.

Mary Alice looked at me and said, "You're a doctor twice over Edward, stop looking panicked. I don't know her well enough to have a sense of reading her, but I know she'll be ok if we take her to the hospital. You go inside, I'll wait here and call Carlisle," I was so worried I overlooked her guileless expression.

"I'll be right back, Mary Alice." I thought it odd when I heard her mutter. "Try not to have too much fun."

She blocked her thoughts. I know I was a complete bastard for feigning love for my human but Mary Alice chortling with glee at her illness? That was uncharacteristic, and distasteful, I sniffed in moral outrage. Perhaps I misheard her?

From outside the house, I could hear my human wheezing as she breathed. I used the spare key Chief Swan kept in the painfully obvious location above the doorframe to let myself in the front door, and stormed the stairs at vampire speed. By smell I detected her white blood cell count was significantly elevated and from the look of her she had a fever of 104 as she lay shaking under the covers.

A bottle of Tylenol lay on the desk by her bedside, with two tablets and a small glass of water. Apparently, that was Charlie Swan's idea of parental concern for his daughter. I could tell from her scent that she hadn't taken a single dose. A soggy bowl of cereal sat woefully untouched like a wallflower beside the spurned acetaminophen bottle. Charlie had left her a note that said, "Feel better Bells," with his contact information and flight schedule. It was quite charming to see his effectual communication with his only child when she was in no state to even process it. What an exemplary model of parental care.

I loomed over her and felt her cheek with the back of my hand.

"Bella?" It seemed odd using her name. I rarely did.

"Mmmm?" she moved her face against the coolness of my palm and sighed my name, "Edward."

She wore a dreamy smile on her face accompanied by a large bruise on her forehead. This was not good. Then she started coughing, covering her mouth. It was non-productive. This was also not a good sign. I could hear the congestion in her lungs with every wheeze. She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled my hand in between her cheek and her pillow, trying to cuddle against it.

"Bella, how did you get a bruise on your face? Did someone hit you?" I whispered in outrage, thinking her Father was a dead man. My free hand traced the unbruised area of her forehead.

"Floor. Fell hours ago. Dizzy. Shower," she muttered.

I opened the bottle of Tylenol, took two out and put them in her mouth. Holding her by the back, I lifted her up and raised the plastic glass of water to her lips. "You have a very high fever. I need you to swallow these pills. It's just Tylenol."

She eagerly gulped down the entire glass. I knew I had to get more liquids in her. "Mary Alice, I need you to run to the store and return with several containers of Gatorade. As fast as you can." I whispered at vampire frequency. I heard her say, "On it," as she drove away in the Volvo.

Most teenage boys dreamed of finding the young women of their fantasies unclothed in bed. I, on the other hand, devoutly hoped for the opposite. I had scruples. Sometimes. I stared at her bed linens as if I were mortal and a pitful of vipers lay coiled underneath them ready to strike me dead at a false move. Gently, I pulled my hands from her face, ignoring her whimper. With the delicacy of a bomb technician with a live device, I lifted her bed sheets from her to exhale in relief at discovering her wearing ragged but modest long-sleeved pajamas. And thin cotton socks.

Being raised with manners, I overlooked that the thin white cotton of her top made her nipples show through in an alluring manner. She whined at the rush of cold air, batting at my hands as I leaned over her. The second our skin touched she astonished me by grasping my wrist and yanking me down upon her with sudden strength. Off balance, I fell to the bed and stopped my descent with my hands, which landed on either side of her. My lips landed by her left cheek.

I found myself pressed intimately against her blazing hot body. Momentarily forgetting that she was clearly out of her mind, I bit back a moan at the pleasure of her exponentially magnified scent as I found my nose buried in the side of her neck. She wrapped her arms around my back running her fingers wantonly from my shoulders up through my hair. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, as her hands wandered down my back, tracing the muscles and pushing me against her harder. The thought then occurred to me that the only reason this even happened stemmed from her illness. If she knew what I really was, she'd never let me this close to her body.

I had never even been remotely tempted by any human until my eyes first tracked my singer. I thought back to the week after my human had arrived in Forks how Lauren Mallory had attempted to corner me in the cafeteria with the vulgar line of, "I think it's big and I think I want to blow it." I had scowled at her as if she were gum on the end of my shoe and said simply, "You're right." Turning on my heel with disinterest, I had walked to my family's table as they shrieked with laughter. The very idea of sexual congress with a pit viper like that human Mallory had repulsed me. Jasper had been so amused at me turning her down he had almost caused a stampede in the room as the rafters shook.

From then on, I became the most desired man on campus, much to my annoyance. Apparently putting Miss Mallory in her rightful place made me all that much more wanted and earned me more feminine attention, so my siblings claimed. But in all that time, I never thought of any other human than my own.

I remembered at that moment, Emmett's comment about how his singer had smelled 1000 times more powerful than an orgasm. I had never experienced an orgasm having led at least a sexually pure life. But this, oh my, the scent of her this close combined with my nose touching her face, astounded. I knew better than to let my teeth anywhere near her. But the rush of sensation that roared thought my body was exquisite. And she felt so warm as she sighed my name against my ear. And my teeth were covered with my lips after all. I moved towards her instinctively, before cold miserly reason set in, jerking me back.

The Predator told me, "We're never going to get an opportunity like this again. We should enjoy it while we could, as we were a revolting creature."

It felt like hours passed as I lay there in her embrace basking in the glory of newfound desire.

Mentally, I recalled that day I had watched her sleeping on the quilt from above, and had fantasized about what it would be like to make love to her. The lust presently roaring through me couldn't even compare to the imagined sensations of that day. Ever so slowly, I traced my nose up the line of her neck and across her cheek, before pulling away with a sigh gulping venom. I knew my eyes were pitch black without needing to glance in a mirror.

Apparently, my pulling away from her caused her distress. She clamped her legs like a python around my waist, grinding against certain parts of my anatomy with a happy sigh and moan. At the sound of her voice, I nearly came undone. Completely scandalized, I could not help myself as I groaned, flipping over while simultaneously gently moving her legs from behind my waist to keep from crushing them. I landed on my back at vampire speed. Now her body lay sprawled on top of mine. I tried to scrub the memory of her in her pink lingerie and t-shirt from the other night from my mind as I called myself all kinds of unmentionable names as I envisioned her writhing on top of me in that outfit.

The Predator in me lit a Zippo lighter and started swaying calling, "Go Me!"

I was not Mike Newton, I mentally chanted to myself. I imagined her in her natural beauty and dressed her in her own clothes when I fantasized. And it would be a cold day in hell before I tried to pour Bud Light down her throat in a bumbled attempt at seduction considering my scent was so much more intoxicating. And convenient. And if I ever did seduce anyone it would not be classified as an attempt. In the unlikely event I ever took that step with a woman, she'd be awake, coherent, willing, and able to remember every second. And she'd demand more. Lots more.

I tried to forget lifting my human by her gorgeous derriere in the parking lot the other day, and the feel of my hands as they slowly ran from her bottom down her thighs to wrap her legs around my waist. I had, after all the moral high ground at the time. Then, she'd been cold and needed the warmth of my clothing. Now she did not.

The Predator in me was shouting, "Giddyup!"

Starched Shirt Edward was babbling so loudly about temptation and mortal sin I couldn't make out what he said as he fainted from shock dropping his Bible and rosary as he swooned.

I noted mentally with glee that he, too, had an erection. Speaking of the moral high ground, now that I thought about it, my human did need me. She required my body. My cold body temperature would cool her fever. From a medical perspective, having her sprawled across me would help heal her. After all, I could lower her fever faster than Tylenol. And using this particular therapeutic technique would look odd at the hospital. The humans would certainly get the wrong idea. And the other alternative was to strip her naked and put her in a lukewarm bath. I preferred the simplest course of action to preserve her modesty. I was a prince among vampires.

The thought occurred to me as I wrapped my singer in my arms, that this was how humans expressed love to one another, through holding each other. Wryly, the realization of just how bad I was at it struck me, which Starched Shirt Edward now that he'd awoken from his moment of weakness, fervently agreed.

It was a good thing that I was an exceptional actor because holding her felt so awkward, and I and Starched Shirt me both constantly feared that I'd break her.

He was still livid about me bruising her face the night of the accident claiming, "We did not have to lower ourselves to a troglodyte to preserve our identity. Simply sedating the poor girl would have been just as effective." He did give me points for listening to him on that night and ceasing my inexcusable abuse. But he reminded me that he would take every effort in the future to act as her champion. I told Lancelot to hold his tongue for a brief moment so I could cogitate in peace.

A little voice - most likely from my inner predator whispered that it was all well and good to act and I should take advantage of the opportunity because, really, she'd never truly love me if she knew me for the creature that I was. I should seize this moment to pretend to be a human as it was the only one I'd ever get, the voice continued. Lying with her nearly unconscious form in my arms truly was the closest I'd ever come to regaining my humanity. And like Tantalus in the Greek myth, I could see the grapes, but they were always just beyond my reach. I could hold her in my arms, but she could never truly belong to me. Not the Real Me. But she could the Pretend Me. And for now, the Pretend Me adored the arrangement.

My singer snuggled against my unyielding form and sighed saying, "Mmm I know I'm hallucinating again. God, you feel so wonderful against my skin, can I keep you?"

"Careful what you ask for my sweet. You just might obtain it." I muttered darkly gritting my teeth.

She placed her hot cheek on my chest rubbing against it repeatedly, and sighed in pleasure.

"Why'd that be bad, Dream Edward?"

"Because once I had you within my grasp, I would never let you go." I answered honestly, for once, brushing her cheek with my cold hand.

"Mmmm. Stupendous. Promise?" she snuggled against me, kissed my shirt, and tried to sniff deeply. As she was so sick, that did not work out so well for her. I nearly exploded right there. Her hips thrust against mine as she moved trying to catch her breath.

"My word, if ever I had any doubt I've just ensured that I'm definitely going to roast in hell," I whispered.

I told myself she was clearly delirious. It seemed like she molded every bit of her flesh against my own and I was painfully aware of it. The only mercy was that her bare skin was not touching mine. But her scent - dear Lord. And now that she had rubbed herself literally all over my body, I was going to have a difficult time explaining myself to my family. I had to end this now. Her temperature had cooled just enough for me to be able to argue my delay was warranted. If she raised above 105 she could go into seizures. I had acted appropriate and shown remarkable self control, I insisted. Surely they'd see my actions had been pure. Hopefully, Emmett would not rip my arms off one by one as he had become annoyingly vigilant of my behavior towards my human lately. He said anyone who could beat me at chess rocked, whatever that meant.

"How'd you like to go for a nice ride?" Mentally, I winced, as I realized that could be taken the wrong way.

"Will you go with me?" she opened her eyes, finally looking at me with wonder.

"Most assuredly."

"Do I have to wake up?" she crinkled her nose.

"No please sleep. I insist."

"Okay. You smell so amazing. Like allspice. And pine." she sniffed my shirt, giggled then ruined the effect by coughing.

"I bet you smell better."

"Dream Edward?" she asked.

"Yes dear human?" she wouldn't remember this at all I could call her what I wanted now.

"Can I stay in your arms? They feel good. Safe." She ran her scorching hands across my biceps and squeezed.

"Capital idea. Close your eyes. Now. Pretty please?" she happily nodded, snuggled against me, and sighed in contentment. I uttered a relieved gasp when her eyes fluttered shut.

"Night, Dream Edward." She whispered with a smile.

"Night, Delirious Singer." I ruffled her hair with my fingers.

My human had plastered herself against me, and was now drooling on my shirt. One hand rested on my left shoulder, the other my right hip, I hoped, in an effort to secure her position on my chest. I stared at her hand that lay near my hip like it was a coiled rattlesnake as it started to move toward the fastenings of my trousers. This really did look bad, I thought, as my guilty hands moved upwards and I captured her wandering hand in my own. My other went to stroking her hair. That looked perfectly innocent. She sighed in her sleep. I gritted my teeth as the lust still roared through me.

I waited a good five minutes in interminably uncomfortable silence until she fell into a deeper sleep, as I gently caressed her back. Using my body temperature to cool her, I listened to her lungs and heart rate. I told myself that since her front was plastered against me it was only logical for me to touch the back of her body to ensure that she received the full benefits of my cold temperature. I told myself that I was a gentleman, and of course was going to ignore that having her brasireless against my chest made her nipples harden as I caressed her thin shirt along her spine. I also tried to ignore how she moved against me and sighed when my hands would reach her lower back far more often that I liked. I tried to use my hands to keep her in place but needed to keep them moving to cool her back and feared bruising her again. So I did three passes. Slowly. I decided I would simply ignore the fact that I was painfully aroused to the extent that I had never been before. It was just mind over matter. I had stayed pure for over a century. Five more minutes would not kill me. Control was my middle name.

My human unexpectedly moaned, and ground herself against me, and it caught me off guard. I felt the rushing sensation of electricity through my body and in certain regions in particular, and just knew she'd broken me. I literally scooted out from under her at vampire speed, leaving her to fall on the bed face down, as waves of ecstasy roared like an inferno through my frame.

I could not help myself, you see. For the first time in my life, to my utter horror and shame, I completely lost control of myself and climaxed, letting out a silent scream. I fell to my knees with the force of ejaculation, going completely limp as wave after unending wave of pleasure rushed through me. I remember diving away from her and my left hand crashing around.

My soundless scream shattered glass from a mile away in every house and every car as I desperately tried to prevent my traitorous body from rebelling. My left hand that had been resting on her computer crushed the monitor, the cpu, the keyboard and the desk, and dumped her cereal all over the room in my path of destruction. I'd managed to crush the bookshelves as well as the dresser. I heard car alarms going off in the neighborhood. This was bad, this was really bad. Because I had never felt such raging pleasure in my life. And I wanted seconds. Right now.

I could see the pitch black of my eyes in her shattered mirror as the Predator in me came out and roared that I needed to leap upon her and pleasure myself again. The smell of her arousal made her scent, magnified by the fever like the purest form of bliss running through my veins. Crumpled on the ground, I felt like I had overdosed. Shaking, I refused to move fearing I'd kill her. Once the initial sensation left my system, I felt overwhelming shame. I was positively repugnant, and needed to stay on the floor. Away from her.

From my place curled on the floor in a whimpering heap, my eyes gazed down at the front of my tan trousers now stained with venom. I had never in my life pleasured myself. I lay in stunned silence, thinking on Emmett's comments about how the mere smell of a singer was 1,000 times better than an orgasm. I could only think that if what I had experienced was an orgasm influenced by my singer, that was 1,000 times magnified from simply breathing in her scent. Frankly, I hoped he was wrong, because if making love with her was 1,000 times better than what I'd just felt, I really would die. And Emmett was an idiot at times, but he would never lie to me about something like that. Either that, or he and Rosalie hadn't figured out how to have sexual intercourse during all those decades.

Mary Alice picked that moment to walk into my human's bedroom and take in the scene of my singer sprawled out on her bed in a pose of wanton abandon, my huddled form on the ground, and the devastation in the room. Holding a bottle of Gatorade in one hand, a large rectangular paper shopping bag hung from the other by its handles, her eyes widened in shock.

My human's unbound hair was wild. Worse, she had a satisfied smile on her flushed face, as she rubbed it against the sheets that held my scent, snuffling. The fact that Mary Alice could smell both my singer and I, made this look all that much worse. I had never been caught in a compromising position with any woman ever, and felt positively mortified.

Mary Alice looked at me, smiled and said, "Ok, you got me. I really never saw that one happening. I believe this is the point in the script where you're supposed to insist that nothing improper happened, Edward." She glanced at my singer, and turned and looked inside the closet.

"She pulled me on top of her."

"You mean to tell me that she overwhelmed you with brute force? And she forced you to touch her bottom and upper thighs with your hands? I can smell your scent all over her," my sister breathed in shock, her hand against her throat dramatically, looking at my singer's unconscious form. Now that I thought about it, I did look like a lying bastard. But I was telling the truth. Ok, I'm totally a bastard, but I wasn't lying to Mary Alice. This time.

"Exactly." I nodded, sanctimoniously. "She caught me completely unaware. She's very strong for a human." My human picked that moment to cough weakly. Damn her.

"Right. I can't wait to tell Emmett. He'll want to arm wrestle her." Alice opened her closet door wider.

"Mary Alice," I said quietly, "I realize that needling me is the family's past time at the moment. But I can't let you mock her. She has a fever of 104, is delirious, and most likely has pneumonia. I was holding her against me because I can lower her temperature faster and I've already given her Tylenol. Her temperature is so high that if I don't get it down, she could go into convulsions on the way to the hospital. She has no idea what she's doing or saying. She started moving against me because she was dreaming. I leapt out of the way before I could do any harm to her. You can't ever tell this to Emmett - or anyone else. Emmett will make fun of her at school. He won't mean to, but he'll do it anyway, probably in the lunch room in front of an audience. I can't tolerate seeing her publicly humiliated for something that was completely beyond her control. She's painfully shy, loathes being the center of attention, and easily hurt. And I can't bear to see her cry."

Her face softened, "You realize you just said more to me in that sentence than you did the first decade I lived with the family? Fine. We need to get her to the hospital, though. Carlisle is going to wonder what's taking us so long." She turned again to the closet.

Feeling ashamed I said, "Her scent is magnified by her fever, and I'm having a difficult time coping, Alice. I need to leave for a few minutes to calm down. Can you handle this, please?"

She threw a bag at me and said, "I know Edward. Even I can tell. I don't know how you are even standing in here right now. Go downstairs and clean yourself in the kitchen. This is a change of clothes, soap and towels. There's a set in there for me, too. Please take them out and leave them on the floor. And Edward, I need you to get yourself as clean as you can, but you absolutely need to go hunt right now. You can't be near her. Your eyes are pitch black. Please do this for her. She'll be fine while you're done."

Staring at the floor I inclined my head in agreement. "Could you please see she drinks Gatorade?" I lifted the plastic cup that had fallen near my hand and held it out to her gingerly. "Her temperature is rising again; she's just short of seizing. Please get the fluids in her. Then, I need you to take her into the shower at lukewarm temperature." I did not trust myself to do it. I had some sense of decency. Besides, Mary Alice had only bought one change of clothes for me.

I wasn't even going to ponder the vision she must have experienced that made her know to bring these things. At vampire speed, I ran downstairs cleaned myself, and changed.

Starched Shirt Edward was shrieking in my ear about my perverse behavior. For once as he was completely correct, I didn't ignore him.

Even the Predator seemed ashamed, telling me, "I am sorry that I encouraged you. If we ruined our relationship with our human, then we would not be able to smell her any longer." He promised that he would get his priorities in order.

I felt numb, terrified on her behalf, disgusted with myself, ashamed that my sister even knew, and bewildered by the feelings coursing through me. This had to be the side effect of physical contact with her due to that short circuit in her brain, I vowed. I heard the water turning on upstairs in the bathroom.

Knowing my Father had an excellent sense of smell like all vampires, I knew I couldn't have him find out what had happened. He would be ashamed of me. He might ask me to leave. And now, when my singer needed me the most, I had to leave her with Mary Alice to go hunt. Sprinting out of the back of the house, within two minutes I found three deer and instantly drained them, disposing of their corpses. I kept an ear out for Mary Alice and Bella the entire time. Mary Alice's thoughts indicated she had managed to get my singer into the shower and it seemed to be cooling her body temperature. Sated, I dashed back to the Swan's residence. I had my control back. I could handle this. I had to for her. Besides, I could not allow anything to jeopardize my access to her fragrance. I could prioritize.

Mary Alice had dragged my human into the shower clothes and all. After ten minutes, her temperature had lessened to the point I felt it was safe to bring her out. My sister carried her sodden body, both of them trailing water, into her bedroom. She put my sick singer on the bed. My human's teeth chattered but she remained quiet with her eyes shut. I turned my back as Mary Alice changed and toweled dry at vampire speed. I heard her open my human's closet and snapped.

"This is not the time to play Quirky Vamp for the Human Girl, Mary Alice for goodness' sake, leave her clothes alone." I sniped at vampire speed, still caressing my singer's wet back testing her temperature.

"Relax Romeo," she said, leaping into the air, and grabbing a spare blanket from the top shelf of the closet. Oh. Why didn't I think of that, I chided myself? Taking a clean set of clothes from the shattered dresser while I turned my back, she changed my human. She told me when I could turn around. I neglected to admit that the broken mirror told me when she had completed her task. I had to observe my human at every moment. It was only right. I was a doctor. Twice. Professional.

Carefully, I grasped my human's body against me and stood with her in my arms. Mary Alice spread the spare blanket on the bed and looked for a warm pair of socks, grabbing the pair Mother had brought her after searching through her dresser.

"Edward, she only has one warm pair of socks," Mary Alice complained, horrified.

"I know. I know. We'll discuss that later. She's in need of medication at present, not a makeover. Try to exercise some self control. We need to get her to the emergency room."

Mary Alice put the socks on her feet quickly. I wrapped my human in the thick folds of the blanket, and fled at vampire speed down the stairs. Walking at human speed had never seemed so ridiculous, as I reminded myself of the need to maintain appearances for the watching neighbors. The air was frigid and my singer's wet hair made her at risk of getting even more ill. Mary Alice took the wheel, and I climbed into the back seat. I found myself clutching my little one to my chest protectively, like a child with a stuffed animal.

"How are we going to explain all the shattered glass?" I asked Mary Alice.

"We aren't. We don't have to. No one would ever connect it to us. But Edward I do know two things. First, you can't ever mention this to Emmett or Jasper because they'll be beside themselves with envy. I am assuming that even with your sexual inexperience, you know that no one shatters glass for a solid mile when they have an orgasm. So wipe that smug look off your face, and get control of your guilt and shame, Mr. Premature Ejaculator. You did nothing wrong but fall victim to an instinct, and you did everything in your power to protect her and keep her safe. You and I will figure out the whole glass thing at a later time. Second, given that Esme just spent thousands having the south wall replaced by solid glass, you're never having sex in our house."

I ignored her reference to my sexual performance. She hadn't, after all, been in the room. And frankly, it wasn't something that I was proud of, my long dead conscience stung.

"What do we do about her room?"

"I'll handle it. If anyone ever asks you were distraught at the sight of her ill form, and tore the room apart trying to help her. And I'll burn your clothes in the hospital incinerator just as soon as we arrive. Edward, it will all work out, and no one will ever know."

"What about ...?" I looked down at my singer and caressed her hair.

Peering into the future Mary Alice said, "She'll think it was all a dream. She'll never know unless you choose to tell her."

That would be never, I mentally thought to myself. She'd literally expire from embarrassment. I could not risk anything that would harm her scent.

It did occur to me that I had the best sister in the world, as we sped down the road.

Peeling out in the Volvo, she drove over 120 mph to the hospital. By the sound of my human's breathing and nonproductive cough, she had pneumonia. Once again, I found myself holding her in my arms as a family member drove like a bat out of hell for the emergency room. Mary Alice had already called ahead, so when she pulled up to the emergency entrance, Carlisle was there with a gurney. Alighting from the car, I deposited her gently, and insisted on being the one to roll her into the treatment room. It took effort to bite my lip and not snap out orders to the nearby nurses. I was never taking a three day hunting trip again. My lack of supervision had caused my human to nearly die.

"Why don't you fill me in on the situation?"

At vampire pitch I said shakily, "Fever of 103, non-productive cough, elevated white blood cell count. Pneumonia. And by the smell of her blood, a bad strain."

"Excellent diagnosis. Mine as well. Let's get her up to the 2nd floor for a chest x-ray, shall we?"

We were alone in the room; I leaned forward as she shifted on the gurney to keep her in place. Mary Alice walked in and took the other end, holding my human's feet. My sister and I both froze as a vision swept through me, and a separate one through Mary Alice. Having two visions simultaneously was enough to almost short circuit my brain. I do not know how long Mary Alice and I were away, but it was long enough for Father to keep the nurses out of the room and almost panic.

Mary Alice, when she touched my singer's feet, had a vision of her younger brother Jeremy. They were playing in a tree. She scolded her brother for sullying her Sunday dress, knowing that she'd be in trouble later. Jeremy looked at her, grinned and said, "That's what brothers are for Mary, to annoy you. It's my station in life." He reached out and pinched her cheek, as she stuck her tongue out at him. They both jerked as they heard their Mother ringing a bell on the front porch summoning them to dinner. Mary Alice's mind shouted that she only had visions of the future. She had never had one of the past. And after over fifty years as a vampire, she had never recovered a single memory of her human life. Until today. Touching my human.

My vision was entirely different. Touching my singer brought my human Father back to life in my mind: Edward Masen Senior. He stood in front of me in the study of our Chicago home at Christmas time. I could see by the decorations in the room that it was actually Christmas day. The smell of beeswax filled my nose from the polish on the wood around us. My Father was telling me in his bass voice how proud he was of me for my work at school having earned perfect scores on all my exams. We must have talked about the war effort and my desire to enlist because he told me that he would deal with my Mother.

Changing the subject, he suddenly held out an object to me. He said, "Edward, this is passed down from Father to Son in our family at the time the Father decides the son is a man of honor ready to receive it. You have reached that point in life. I will give you the same words my Father gave me and his Father before that: Time flies by on swift feet and you must use your time on this earth with prudence. Always understand that this symbol engraved with our family crest embodies our honor. And I look forward to being in this study the day you give it to your eldest son."

I could see his face so clearly it was like he stood in front of me. I could see his blue eyes and his brown hair and the pinstripes in his shirt. I could smell the scent of the cologne he wore and the tobacco of his pipe. I could feel in that moment, the pride he felt for me. He reached out and embraced me in an uncharacteristic hug.

Carlisle's hand on my shoulder brought me metaphorically kicking and screaming away from the vision. His topaz eyes were wide as he looked in alarm from me to Alice. I glanced at my sister, wondering what she could possibly have done other than have a vision that would concern Father so. I saw her blue eyes blinking back at me. The importance of her vision hit then.

"Yours are the most vivid shade of green I've ever seen," she whispered in reverence. Father stared at each of us, mouth wide in shock. In ninety years, I had never seen him struck dumb. In over 50 years, I had never seen Mary Alice weep. Both happened at that moment. I wanted to join them, but knew I could not burden them with my emotions, too. I gazed over into a mirror on the wall, and for the first time since my death looked into the eyes I knew to be my own. I tried not to cry as I saw them slowly turn into topaz.

My sister distracted me with her thought, _"We picked the name Mary to be my fake first name all those years ago and how amazing that it really was my first name."_

A nurse backed into the room carrying vials to draw my singer's blood. Reluctantly, I lowered my hands from her frame. I had already experienced bodily temptation from her and had cracked. I didn't need to add her blood to my ever burgeoning list of sins. Drawing upon years of experience, I schooled my features into a smooth mask.

I learned another fascinating thing about my human then, one that helped alleviate, for a moment, the despair that had once again settled within me. As the nurse inserted the needle into her arm, my human woke up with a start. She took one look at the rapidly filling syringe, turned an alarming shade of green, and promptly fainted. Using smelling salts, I brought her back to consciousness, carefully running my fingers along her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she met my eyes with a confused expression.

"Dream Edward?"

"Yes dear?"

"Please don't let them take my blood again. It makes me sick to my stomach and then I faint. The rust and the salt and the smell," She shuddered in disgust.

"How about I promise that if they take your blood again, I'll hold your hand. And I won't let them take too much."

"Okay, Dream Edward you're a prince." She fell asleep.

It took my acting skills to keep from falling to the ground with laughter at the irony. She'd make the worst vampire, I chuckled. If ever she were turned, her major attribute that stood out was her ungainliness. Thinking of a clumsy vampire made me almost snort with laughter right there,,,,and her diet ...what would that make her...a VampVegan? She'd starve within a month. The only way she'd catch a deer was if she tripped over it. Thank goodness no one in the family had advocated turning her. During her newborn years, she would be the death of us all.

Father watched me with her from across the room, concerned at my erratic behavior. I had physically attacked three humans, by his count, within a week. My emotions moved from being distraught to laughing. And he felt that I was clearly falling in love with my human. I did not tell him that she had become more important to me than ever before. I did not tell him that, greedily, I needed to be around her not only for her scent and its effect on my body, but because bit by bit, I randomly had visions, ones I remembered of my life as a human. That I felt more connected to my human life than ever before. That Starched Shirt Edward became clearer in my mind. That my human by her touch had gifted me with priceless memories of my human Father and Mother. And I craved more like air. More of her. More of what she could offer me.

It was, after all, only right. She was personally designed by Fate for me. And besides, I whispered to myself, today she gave me the most mind blowing orgasm inadvertently in her sleep. Think of what my human could do if she was awake.

* * *

**So, Edward finds a very sick Bella at her house and has an, *clears throat* ahem, unfortunate incident, while trying to help her. Mary Alice discovers him and provides assistance and verbal abuse, I mean sisterly counseling. They take her to the hospital and both experience separate visions. Mary Alice sees her younger brother Jeremy and learns that her real first name actually was Mary. Edward sees his human father giving him a pocket watch that is passed down from father to son in their family. Bella has pneumonia and is out of her mind with fever and addressed Edward as "Dream Edward."**

**I love hearing feedback constructive or otherwise. And the reaction to these chapters has been positively inspiring. Please review if you have the time. Dream Edward is blinking at you.  
**

**Quite honestly, it does help inspire me to write. And if someone says something particularly amusing or witty, they get a chapter dedicated to them and/or an injoke written into the next chapter I post. Thanks for reading. Books**


	16. HOD pt 5 Dream Edward

**Heart of Darkness – Part Five – Dream Edward**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. Starched Shirt Edward, Sister Claire, and the Predator are mine. So there.**

**All hail to vjgm for validating me. :)**

**Thanks to everyone for your reviews! And PM's!**

**Snarky Summary: In the last chapter, we learned odd things flash through the minds of the Cullens when they touch Bella. Not those kind of odd things - well fine, that's true for Edward, but not the others. Yeesh. Perverts. Speaking of which, Edward had ahem problems maintaining control, shattering glass, dresser destruction. Embarrassing ones. He is tapping me on the shoulder asking me to tell you he is not a premature.....never mind. But Alice has his back. Bella is smoking hot, but not for that reason in her hotness - she's sick - not that kind of sick. You know. Sick. Sick.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Five - Dream Edward**

At my glare, the blonde nurse named Susan scurried off with my human's blood sample. Father kindly asked her to put a rush order on the test - most likely to keep me from barging into the lab and conducting it myself. Compared to the orangutan that ostensibly headed the laboratory, my education far surpassed his, which made me after all more qualified. My human had to have accurate tests. This was paramount; the very scent of her blood was at risk -and her life. And her scent.

Father clearly knew the direction of my thoughts as he said, "You know that it is a simple test that should not take too long. We are already sure of her diagnosis, stop pothering about it, son." He lowered his voice, "If the results come back and are unusual, I'll let you rerun it. We need to talk."

My stomach plummeted. Talking never led to good things.

Once the nurse had left the area, he said gently at vampire speed, "Edward, my staff performs their duties far more accurately when you refrain from frightening them. Remember, they believe you are a teenager. I would be ever so grateful if you would cease scowling." I stared at the floor. "Can you please explain to me what just happened? In all my years, I've never seen anything quite so extraordinary."

I haltingly told him, "I've had visions of my human past when I touch her. Two in one day, and now this."

"How fascinating. Please describe them."

We conducted the entire conversation at vampire speed, for fear that my human might awaken or overhear.

"The first was of me in Chicago the year before I died. It was winter, and I was moving from the cold outside to the entryway of my house. I remembered the smell of the burning pine, and of the spices in the kitchen. I could literally smell the yeast in the bread that was baking in the kitchen. And the human food smelled good, Father. I wanted to eat it."

"What were you doing when it occurred?"

"At the time, I was carrying her from her truck to the school because the lot had ice in it."

"But you had more than one vision that day?"

Yes, after school I experienced another. I remember being held and rocked in my....human Mother's," it hurt to say that word, "arms when I was dying. She was sitting behind me, holding me against her, and singing and stroking my hair. Father, I felt physically like I was back there in that ward. I could feel her hands on me. I could hear her voice. I could smell her perfume. And the memory is as clear now as any of my other vampire memories."

"What date did this happen?"

"The day we gave my human the gifts. She cried when I demonstrated how to put ice grips on shoes. I did not understand what had upset her, and I became scared." In a small voice, I confessed, "I didn't know what to do. I reached out to pat her shoulder and the vision hit."

"Why did she weep?"

"She has been afraid to drive ever since her accident, but particularly in winter conditions. That is why I have been leaving early some mornings. I have been teaching her."

"That was a compassionate thing to do, Edward. I'm very proud of you for being able to assist her and maintain your control in such close quarters."

I looked down at the ground and nodded. He touched my shoulder to encourage me to make eye contact.

"What happened just now?"

"I was in my house in Chicago and my human Father gave me the pocket watch he always wore. He told me that it had been passed down from Father to son and now that I was a man he wanted me to have it."

"I remember that watch," he said quietly, "I packed it up with some of your things when you became upset that you could not remember him. It is up in the attic if you'd care to retrieve it. I am so happy that you now can see his face in your mind, Edward. He was a good man. In regards to the visions, son, I think you might possibly have developed a new power similar to Alice's."

Turning to my stunned sister he said softly, "My dear, what did you experience?"

"My brother Jeremy and I playing. I don't know how I know he was my brother, but I do. And I remember his face, the color of his hair, his crooked teeth, the freckles on his nose, his cowlick, and the sound of his voice. I know I was wearing my Sunday dress. The dinner bell rang on the front porch of my house. I saw where I used to live. I saw my Mother in her dress and apron wiping her hands. Carlisle, I could feel my brother touch my cheek in the vision," she lifted her palm to her face grazing it, "I've never had a single human memory until today when I touched her. And my visions have always been of the future, not of the past. And I've never had a vision that involved my senses beyond vision. I could _feel_ his touch. I could _smell_ that it had recently rained. And he called me Mary."

"I'm delighted for you; even more so that this memory brought you joy. There's no reason why your powers can not grow, either. Could it be something about Bella that is making your gifts appear? Or could Edward's gift be spreading to you? When I touch her, I do not sense anything different about her from any other human, besides her illness, of course."

"That's not all." I hesitated, "I saw Alice's vision while I was having mine. I felt everything she told you as well. I could see her brother. I could feel his hand on her cheek. He had mud underneath his nails. It was surreal, having two visions concurrently, and being able to discern the difference."

Mary Alice started and wide-eyed said, "I did not see yours. Only my own. I really didn't imagine this."

Mary Alice was beside herself with joy and started to weep, leaning over and kissing my singer's flushed cheek and whispering, "Thank you, Bella. You gave me back Jeremy."

My sister stroked my human's hair back from her fevered brow. She nodded at me and said to my mind, _"Edward, I am going to go to the car and destroy your clothes. Stay with her." _

She whispered to Carlisle, "I need a moment." I watched her back as she disappeared in the teaming crowd of people in the lobby.

Once she had left the room, Carlisle pivoted away from the window and said for my ears alone, "Son, the fever has magnified Bella's scent thousands of times beyond its usual level given its severity. I'm going to have to insist for your safety, as well as hers, that until her fever lowers, you must be with one of the family in her presence at all times."

I nodded.

Putting his hand on my shoulder he said, "I do not want to put you in a position where either of you are at risk. And right now, Edward, you are not safe being alone with her. I'm amazed you have the discipline to tolerate her at normal body temperature. Right now the restraint you are showing is absolutely phenomenal. Even I can smell her blood strongly, and I thought myself immune to it centuries ago. Also, you will hunt several times a day if you plan on being around her."

"Yes Father, I understand."

And really, I did. I, of course, could not tell him as I stared at the floor with a serene mask hiding my compunction, that he enacted his measures too late; that I had nearly mangled her along with her bedroom furnishings half an hour ago, and that I had shattered the glass in half the town. If I did, he would surely have asked me to leave. We sat in silence listening to my human breathe, as I pondered the events of the morning.

Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder with an incriminating index finger, and admonishing me, "I will be back after offering up prayers to the most Holy Saint Augustine."

"Why that saint?"

Piously, he said, "I'm struggling with either him, or Saint Nicholas of Myra. I'll probably offer devotions to both."

I failed to appreciate the distinction as both were saints revered by the Church.

Starched Shirt me blew air out of his puffed cheeks, gritting his teeth, "Saint Augustine is revered because he led an early life of dissolution and wanton sin - similar to ours before accepting the Lord into his life - which we have yet to do. Saint Nicholas of Myra, I thought, was appropriate today."

"Why today?" I asked him.

"Because he's the patron saint of thieves." He hissed tapping me on the forehead repeatedly with his accusing finger. "And today you almost stole our sweet human's virtue, and her blood. Deviant!"

He turned on his heel muttering, "Perhaps you should heed the twelve fruits of the Holy Ghost: charity, joy, peace, patience, longanimity, goodness, benignity, mildness, fidelity, modesty, continency, and _chastity_." He particularly emphasized that last word.

He didn't listen to me explain that I had avoided temptation by throwing myself on the floor as he stalked away.

I yelled back, "From my recollection you had an erection, too. And that means that my orgasm was yours, my sin yours, as well."

With a satisfied smirk on my face I maintained for his benefit alone, I heard him start praying louder in the background franticly to Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes.

My predator hunched his shoulders in the corner knowing when to stay silent.

Mary Alice returned ten minutes later, telling me with her mind that my clothes and the bag they were in were ashes. I nodded at her in relief. By her thoughts, I knew my sister would never tell. Father told her of his new rule regarding my singer's requirement for a chaperone. The blank expression on Mary Alice's face did not reveal a hint of her knowledge, to my everlasting relief.

She tossed me four bags of warmed deer blood. I went into the restroom and gulped them savagely. Father left bags of animal blood hidden in his office at work in case of emergencies such as these. Merely sitting in the room for this time, bathing in her scent and the stress, had caused me to require further nourishment.

Given what had happened earlier, for the immediate present, I feared being alone with my human. I could not understand why, even before drinking the blood, my body felt considerably relaxed since the unfortunate incident. My mind certainly was not.

Starched Shirt Edward hissed, "We will be having a very long talk later, once I am assured that our dear little human was not harmed by our disgusting, and shameful, and deviant, and self-absorbed, and sinful behavior."

Since the only bruise I could smell on her lay on her forehead, I told him to be silent and let me think about her welfare.

Guilt ate away at me. I almost killed her. Had I taken the life of this innocent girl, I would have robbed myself of her scent. And the chess games. And the witty conversations. And her scent. And her eyes. And the way she blushed. And sensations roiled by her fragrance. And her hair. I heard her awaken, distracting me from my self-flagellation.

My singer peered around the room in puzzlement. Father, Mary Alice and I all stepped forward around her bed. Her body temperature indicated her fever was climbing.

"Dream Edward?" she reached for me with her arms.

This was going to be uncomfortable. I could not behave as constrained as I would have preferred, because it would frighten her in her delirious state. And at the same time, I could not touch her like I did earlier that morning. There was no way in Hell I was going to ejaculate in front of my Father or Mary Alice, for that matter. I didn't care how glorious it had felt. Even I had scruples. Sometimes.

"Yes?" With an apologetic glance at my family, I took her left hand like one would the head of an angry rattlesnake, waiting for it to strike. Father mentally cautioned me to exercise restraint, an admonishment I acknowledged with a slight nod.

"This is not the place I imagined you taking me," she pouted. She reached out for my free hand and put it in her hair, moving mine with her own in a comforting gesture.

Mary Alice thought,_ "Oh Edward, how sweet! She wants you to caress her hair."_

Affectionately, I thought to my human, _"Yes ma'am. You want your hair stroked, then stroked it shall be."_

Besides, this should lower her blood pressure and reduce her stress. And I had chaperones. It couldn't be wrong. She sighed happily. My family watched mesmerized. I wanted to drop through the floor and die right then and there. This was just awkward. Once I appreciated from their thoughts that they were waiting to see if I experienced a vision, rather than the orgasm I dreaded, I calmed myself. I should probably answer my human's comment.

"Really. Where did you expect to be?" I said, warmly.

"Green. Like your eyes. Private with trees." She sighed, and closed her eyes.

Father glanced at me, as astonished as I, at the comment about my eyes, as I stroked her hair and inquired with humor in his voice, "Dream Edward?"

"Apparently in her fevered state I've earned a new title."

Mary Alice teased, "It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"But why the dream?" Father pondered my nickname.

"He guards me in my dreams. He keeps the red-eyed people from finding me," my singer said aloud.

Her words sent a chill down my spine, and made all of us perform a very un-vampire like jerk of shock. We had been talking at vampire speed and pitch. She shouldn't have heard our conversation.

"What red-eyed people, Bella?" Father looked alarmed, silencing me with his eyes.

"I can't say," she croaked.

I offered her a glass of water which she gulped greedily.

"Why can't you say?" I pressed.

"I don't know them. They just haunt my dreams."

"How long have they haunted your dreams?" Father appeared uneasy.

Piteously, she mumbled, "Forever."

"Do they say anything?"

"I don't listen anymore," she sounded upset. "If I don't speak, they can't find me. I hide."

"How long have you been hiding from them?"

"Always. Grandmother warned me."

Father administered her antibiotics at that point with a light sedative to prevent her from muttering any more about the red-eyed people. We could not have the hospital staff thinking she was insane. Or worse, lucid.

"Edward, have you smelled any other vampire around her?"

"Not lately." My raised brow not so subtly reminded him of Rosalie and Jasper.

"That was unfortunate, but they will no longer bother her. And their eyes are not red."

"They would have been had they killed her. Who is to say she can't predict the future in her dreams?"

"We cannot know that until we find a way of talking to her about it. Mary Alice, can you please see if you can get a vision off of Bella? If someone is coming for her we need to be prepared."

Mary Alice said, "I have not seen anything involving vampires attacking her. But I'll look into it all day."

The thought occurred to me at present that with the devastation in her neighborhood, concerned citizens could enter her house and discover the damage.

"Mary Alice and I have some errands we need to complete," I blurted.

Bless her heart, my sister showed no reaction.

Father thought it odd that I willingly left my singer's side. He had expected me to remain in the hospital, pacing and bellowing orders at vampire pitch.

Mary Alice helpfully explained, "We made a mess of Bella's house getting her out of there. Edward and I need to go and fix it back the way it was so she won't be disturbed. Also, it might be difficult explaining it if her neighbors became nosy. We left in a hurry. I don't even think we shut the front door."

At his nod we departed. I mentally winced when I heard him think how proud he was of us.

I called Mother to tell her that news reports indicated that glass in a large area of town had been shattered. I told her about my singer becoming ill and how I had gone a bit nuts in her room and asked if she could please help me replace part of her bedroom suite. Because she restored houses for a living, it would be child's play for her to locate duplicates of Bella's furniture. I quickly gave her detailed descriptions of the pieces and she promised to begin working immediately, ringing off with a delighted tone.

I called Rosalie at school. The news of the earthquake had already raced through the campus. In an unforeseen moment of whimsy, she volunteered to work on the truck. I asked her to replace the glass in my human's truck and to upgrade its quality. Grumbling, Rose insisted they didn't make cars like they used to and that she had been dying to get her hands on the engine of the truck.

As long as she was willing to do the work, I had no problem with Rosalie toying with the engine of my human's truck, provided she did not improve the speed. We'd already seen what my singer could do at twenty miles an hour in the snow. And my human needed bulletproof glass. Just in case. With her luck Al Quaida could storm the parking lot after school. Not that I wouldn't be prepared for that contingency. But still. Nothing said I valued the scent of my singer like bulletproof glass. It was the ultimate vampire valentine, albeit a month late. Mary Alice looked at me as I had my conversation with Rosalie, and thought of how romantic I had become lately.

In silence, Mary Alice and I drove to the Swan residence, my anxiety increasing as we returned to the scene of the crime. I dreaded walking through the door. She sat at the wheel while I slumped in the passenger seat, trying to feel numb.

My human had needed me, and I had behaved like a crazed animal in her presence. Then there was the little fact that I had taken out a square mile worth of glass in the process. I winced as I hoped I hadn't broken anything of my human's of sentimental value. She had no glass objects in her room, save her window and mirror. And that glass jar she used to hold spare change.

Once we arrived, I could not help but feel like the proverbial man walking the plank. The glass shards from her truck's windows lay strewn across the street, guilty reminders of past misdeeds. Her large beast of a truck glowered at me from it's now damaged headlights. The shards of glass that remained in the windshield and rear window resembled jagged teeth in a gaping maw. As I walked by, I thought the one good thing I had done was shatter the mirrors so I could not see my guilty face. Mary Alice's hand tugged on my shirt sleeve in the back of my arm, as I approached the front door and ingressed with trepidation.

"Edward, I love you. I'm here and I will help you."

"Thank you Mary Alice." I whispered. I had never felt more shy and maladroit in my life as I twitched nervously.

She led me by the hand into the cramped kitchen. After exploring the cabinets, we discovered helpful supplies hidden under the sink. We took the entire box of trash bags and climbed the stairs into my singer's room. In the panic, I hadn't really bothered to look carefully beyond noting that I had damaged the furnishings with my hands rather than my human. Walking inside and taking in the sight of the devastation with guilty eyes stole my speech.

A hurricane had stampeded through the room, leaving only the bed and rocking chair intact. Every other stick of wood in the room had been smashed by my fists, along with her computer. Several of her books were destroyed. Unfortunately for me, Wuthering Heights smirked defiantly intact from the rubble of my frenzy. How I could destroy virtually her entire room and leave that untouched flouted comprehension.

Guiltily, I saw a patch of my venom-_that _venom-- on the area rug.

At my gaze, Mary Alice soothed, "We can wash the carpet. It will easily be removed with water."

I winced that I was even having to have this conversation. I felt like the proverbial seventeen year old human boy caught masturbating with a pornographic magazine by his sister. Only this was far, far worse.

"Edward, you and I need to talk about this."

"Mary Alice," my voice shook genuinely this time, "I don't know that I can."

"I'm going to have to insist. You have always been quiet and you need someone to talk to. I can tell you are beating yourself up over this. Despite all the knowledge that you have, what happened today was uncharted territory for you, and by discussing it I may be able to assist you. I would not be a good sister if I did not help. Besides, would you like to see how this discussion plays out if you have it with Carlisle?" she stared with determination as her eyes started to glaze over. I reached out and took her hand in panic.

"Fine," I halfway snapped. "What?" I now sounded defensive, the wayward sibling.

She took my right hand in hers, companionably entwining our fingers. We sat down together side-by-side on my human's still soggy bed, arms touching. We simply gazed out the bedroom window, letting the silence of the room permeate. Finally, she spoke, still taking in the view of the tree.

"Aside from Emmett and Jasper's teasing, have you ever discussed sex with anyone in the family?"

"No. But I did learn about it in medical school." If she planned on staring at the tree, then I would do the same.

"Yes I have vivid memories of both your graduations. But you did not attend medical school for vampires, and from what I understand from my husband sex works differently with our species."

"Oh."

"Is it safe to assume that you were chaste during your human life?"

"Yes." I had no memories to the contrary.

"And is it safe to assume that you have never masturbated?" Now that I definitely did not remember. Alas. Immortality was Hell.

Gritting my teeth, I nodded. I would rather be having sex with Tanya and all of her sisters right now in the school cafeteria before an audience and underwhelming them with passion, than have this conversation.

"I would, therefore, be correct in saying you have never had an orgasm that you remember?"

I put my free hand on my face and bent over mortified. "Yes."

"Edward, I am your sister and I love you and I am trying to help you. This is just as awkward for me as it is for you," she shook our entwined hands for emphasis, "But we need to talk about this, and we're not leaving the room to see your human until we do."

Now, she had my undivided attention. My human could not go without me very long. Exhibit A in my case for my benevolent presence in her life: look what happened after a three day hunting trip? I could not be so careless again with her. For the sake of my singer, I would brave this topic.

"Let's back up a bit. In your vampire life, have you ever felt sexually aroused?"

"Never until I met her." I whispered in shame. It just was not _normal_ to feel this attracted to a human.

"Did you ever have something like this happen when you were sitting by her while she was asleep?"

"Never. Well once. But nothing happened. I quickly left."

"It's my understanding, based on what Jasper told me, that the lure of a singer's blood is like an orgasm magnified. Is that what you experienced?"

We sat in silence for a minute while I scrambled for the correct thing to say. My words seemed to run together as I uttered them, "The fragrance of her blood alone satiates me, Mary Alice."

"Can you describe what you mean by that, Edward?"

"I have never experienced anything so ...exquisite. Its effect is more than pleasure. It's like it feeds my being. I am happy when in her presence and unhappy when away. And while at times I have felt over-stimulated around her, I'm not walking around in a constant state like _that_ - it would make merely attending school awkward."

"So today in her room. . .," my sister prompted.

"Today felt like the energy of the sun ran through my veins. It was this power and sensation of pure ecstasy that I literally thought I was going to combust if I didn't push it out of me. I felt joy and terror at the same time." I whispered, ashamed, "I was so scared I would hurt her that was the overriding emotion I felt. And look what I did. That could have been her skull." I pointed at the crushed computer monitor with a shaking left hand.

My sister squeezed my hand in hers in encouragement, "That's true. It could have. But it's not. Even when you were out of control, your first thought was for her safety. It's amazing that you were able to overcome your instincts. I know you would not leave the ground because you feared for her safety. That alone, Edward, took courage and stamina and determination and discipline. She lives because you cared enough to check on her."

"I feel horrid."

"I know. But think on the bright side. Now you know your limits."

"I do indeed know what I can withstand."

"There is another thing. Had you not checked on her today she would have died tomorrow. So again, you did the right thing."

Mary Alice's vision of my human's grave and sobbing parents made my chest hurt. And although vampires couldn't get headaches, it felt like I had one as my eyes burned.

"I can't imagine her dying."

"But she did not, and that is the important fact to ponder. I think what happened today occurred because her scent was so magnified that you simply could not bear it. And I know you have carefully avoided touching her, so I think, although you had the best intentions, her fever combined with her touch sent you over the edge. And you had no way of knowing it would happen. Edward, had I been in your place I would not have had your self-control, I would have killed her. You have always been the strongest of us next to Carlisle."

"I've never felt that out of control before. Not since the first day I met her. I deserve your opprobrium."

"But Edward, you were in control. Even when you were at your most vulnerable you protected her."

"I feel like instead of helping her I debased her."

"Edward, you cannot blame yourself for simply not having the experience to withstand a force of nature that Nature Herself designed to tempt you. Yes, you were tantalized by her scent today, but in the end, what matters is that you threw yourself to the floor, and overrided your instincts at a moment when most of us give into them."

I nodded.

"Has anyone ever explained to you what an orgasm feels like for a vampire?"

"No."

"It's this amazing sensation of pleasure that violently sweeps through your system. And you feel instantly relaxed and at peace. But in that moment, all your predatory nature is aroused as well. That's why you don't hear about vampires having sex with humans, at least ones that live."

I gulped. Perhaps that explained why, even though I tormented myself in my mind, my body felt so relaxed?

"And I am proud of you Edward. That took courage. I know that Rosalie has been scornful of your attempts, but I admire the dedication you have shown in making yourself immune to her scent. And you know that you can always come to me about anything, Edward. I will not tell a soul. I will never tell anyone about this."

I let go of her hand. "You're a far better sister than I deserve." I heaved with feeling, tentatively putting my right arm around her shoulder, and giving it a squeeze.

It was a rare occasion I voluntarily hugged any of my siblings. We still hadn't made eye contract throughout the entire talk. Perhaps that's why it worked out as well as it did. This talking thing wasn't so bad. I thought I might be able to do it again with Mary Alice alone. She seemed to really understand. And I did feel better. She was remarkable.

"I know. Come on, brat." She play punched at my arm, "Let's get to work. I think it would just be easier if we remove her clothing from the dresser, and save what books we can. That sounds like a good place to begin."

It did not take long to uncover her few clothing items from the corpse of the dresser. We folded the tiny pile on her father's rumpled bed, but bagged them to take home to wash. Many had splinters of wood in them. I set aside one set of clothing that had escaped damage and put it in a separate bag, along with her boots, resting nearby.

Despite my shattering the bookshelf, half of her book collection survived. I was tempted to add Wuthering Heights to the trash pile. But somehow, seeing those careworn pages, smelling her scent on it, knowing how she loved it, I abstained. It survived to gloat another day.

Starched Shirt Edward congratulated me on my act of remarkable self-control as even he loathed the book. He said we could consider that the equivalent of a blessed act of mortification of the flesh in allowing her to continue to read something that harmed our ears but delighted her.

Examining her scant collection, perhaps she would like some reading material when she felt better. This would certainly please her. We left her surviving library on the floor in Chief Swan's room. Mary Alice used her cell phone to order replacements for her damaged books.

"It would work better if we pulverize everything and put it into bags. We can vacuum up the shavings we miss. Besides, think of it as stress therapy," Mary Alice insisted on making this positive.

Working at vampire speed, we crumbled the furniture to dust in five minutes. The unsettling process of me destroying her bedroom furniture actually did improve my mood. It took a while to find the vacuum and broom. Yet we managed to have the room immaculate in another fifteen. We knew that news of the explosion would send all the people in the area running for the stores once they left work. It was only ten o'clock. There was no reason why the television wouldn't work as long as the glass was replaced so we found a repair store and dropped off the model, paying extra to have the repairs done in 24 hours. We went to an electronics store and purchased my human a new computer.

Thankfully, her father had simple taste. All the glasses in his house were plastic. His glassware for eating and cooking, however, was another matter. A trip to an odd place called Wal-Mart saw them handily replaced. Mary Alice said Pyrex bakeware hadn't really changed its appearance in years, so my human would never notice the difference. We stopped by the hardware store and acquired the glass necessary to replace all the windows in the residence along with a mirror for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

I decided to upgrade the quality of the glass as well. It would save them money on electricity and guaranteed to keep her warmer in the cold months. It was an investment in our future. She already had pneumonia in that drafty house. It also couldn't hurt putting extra high quality caulking around the windows and doors. And replacing the cracked weatherstripping. While we were at it, my sister and I bought new glass to replace the shattered ones in the three pictures her father had on his wall of my human at various ages. We worked quickly. It required little effort.

After two hours, her house, save the bedroom, looked virtually the same. Loading the bed with the trash bags, we drove the truck back to our house to let Rosalie repair it.

While my human was being given her MRI that I insisted she have due to the bruise on her forehead, I left Mary Alice watching over her, and drove to the local mall. My singer couldn't be in those raggedy pajamas that were in her house. I couldn't have her shamed like that in public just because her Father couldn't clothe her adequately. I felt confident as I approached the mall.

My sisters shopped all the time as if it were a sport in the family. How hard could it be? Aside from today, I had not been inside a department store in fifty years and they had changed significantly. As I loathed the practice, my Mother and sisters selected and purchased my wardrobe for me.

Entering the glass doors it startled me to see clothing hung meticulously in row upon row. How did the humans decide? I did not recognize any of the designers that my sisters used. This store did not appear to carry Armani or Versace. A red-headed salesgirl wearing a blue dress approached me thinking that I looked like the typical frightened male and that she wanted to help me. I decided to let her.

"Hello, my name is Marcia and I'm in charge of this section. May I help you sir?"

"Yes, I have to buy clothes for a small woman."

"What do you need?"

"She requires a nightgown."

"What are you interested in? We have all sorts of baby dolls." She thought me sweet. Wonderful. She thought my girlfriend was one lucky woman. Clearly, Marcia had never met my human.

I could not understand what dolls had to do with clothing. My befuddlement showed on my face as she pointed towards a rack with scandalous see-through lingerie that would have definitely given my human a chill. Besides, none of the clothing were in colors that would flatter her coloring. And one of them, although a nice shade of red, reminded me of Newton's fantasy. I preferred her in something more elegant that showed off her legs, had I the choice.

My eyes widened as Starched Shirt Edward shrieked in my ear. "Last time you had thoughts like these you took out a mile of Forks! You must remain calm!" He started chanting Jesus' name over and over again.

"Oh no, nothing like that. She needs to wear something warm. And modest. She's quite ill at the moment."

"Got it," she said wondering why I looked so terrified, and commented that I clearly was a virgin shopper. How she knew my sexual experience, I have no idea. It's not like I had "virgin" stamped on my forehead. And being a mind reader, I knew she did not share my talent, I worried. With a mental shake, I assumed a serene expression.

She led me to a rack of long gowns. I reached out and felt the fabric of one that caught my eye. It felt so soft.

"That's combed pima cotton. It's very warm. If she's not feeling well, this will feel good against her skin and make her feel more comfortable. What is her coloring?

"Brunette."

"Is she fair or dark in complexion?"

"Quite fair, I'd say."

"Is she larger or smaller than me?"

"Are you referring to her height and weight?"

"Yes. That would help. Do you know them?"

"Five foot four and one half inches, one hundred eight pounds. Dainty frame."

"Small it is. Which color do you prefer? This one with baby roses," she held up a long sleeved white gown with miniature flowers on it, "or this one?" She pointed to a forest green gown with cream lace trim. Mentally, I closed my eyes and imagined my singer in both. I reached out and felt the forest green gown and the fabric felt soft as well. Since she would most likely be in the hospital for more than one day, I decided she needed more than one gown.

"Both."

"Would you like a robe with that?"

"Yes, but it must be warm." She took me to a rack and I selected one that felt the softest and matched the forest green gown.

"What else does she need?"

I brazened it out. "Undergarments."

"Do you mean panties?"

"Yes."

"And a bra?"

"That, too."

"Do you know her sizes?" she chirped.

"I do."

"Excellent. Let's start with the panties because that's the easiest. Does she wear boyshorts, bikinis, briefs or thongs?"

I blinked at her.

She sighed and said, "Let me show you the displays. Just point at what looks familiar. I'll handle the rest."

"I know her bra size," I blurted. Then looked abashed, "Will that help?" I was beginning to feel desperate.

"Yes it most certainly will. It's very good of you to know. Most men don't. Or they guess."

"Do you know if she wears push up or demi-cup?"

Marcia seemed to be speaking a foreign tongue, although I know her words were English. In desperation, I opened the shopping bag I had with me that held a full change of clothes for my human. "I brought some of her clothing in case I needed an example. Would this help?" My voice cracked. I appeared desperately pathetic from Marcia's eyes.

Marcia opened the bag, carefully peering inside. She examined it clinically with a professional look on her face, ignoring the aged clothing. "You are very thoughtful to bring this. In all my years working in retail, I've never met a man smart enough to bring his girlfriend's clothing with him."

I chose not to correct her. I liked the sound of the word "girlfriend" coming from her lips. It was a quaint way to think of my relationship with my singer. "Scentfriend" didn't sound so nice. Neither did "singerfriend."

I wondered how my sisters functioned. This was so confusing. They did not have the brands of any of her clothing that she wore here, so Marcia kindly assisted me. In a soft voice, I expressed my sincere thanks for her aid.

When all was said and done in addition to the nightgowns and robe, with Marcia's suggestions I personally selected appropriate lingerie. Pink. After all, it was only right as the clothing she had worn when being admitted had been destroyed. And hospital gowns were immodest, and she could catch another chill. As I shopped, it occurred to me that she would also need clothing on the day she was released. I personally selected a brassiere in her size, a top of sea green with a matching sweater, the warmest sweater Marcia could find that suited my human's frame and coloring, and navy corduroy slacks with a belt and socks to match. Fine. Marcia picked them out. I had never even heard the term _corduroy_ before today.

And, of course, that meant she also needed more undergarments. I really liked the boyshorts. Marcia said that they offered my human more coverage than the bikinis she usually wore. And the lace would feel good against her skin. She was in the hospital for goodness knows how many days. But in case she did not like them, I also purchased a few white cotton bikini undergarments as well that matched the ones in her drawer. She would not notice if I bought the same type. Since it was cold and I hadn't found a single pair among her things, I added in four pairs of thermal underwear - two in silk and the other a cotton/wool blend. The hospital might be cold once her fever broke.

Gritting my teeth, I forced myself not to buy her a new coat. I realized that she would not accept any more clothing from my family without a protest. My human had her limits. I would have to find another more creative way to see her attired. And it would be prudent to have my Mother look over my purchases to make sure that I had matched my singer's taste.

I thought my shopping expedition had gone magnificently, until Marcia and I approached the cash register to purchase my human's new wardrobe. Jessica Stanley and her Mother simultaneously mentally squealed fifty feet behind me. Ye gads!

Starched Shirt Me crowed, "God is paying you back for your lustful ways. How are you going to explain purchasing ladies undergarments to the town gossip and her daughter?" Although he had to admit peering over my shoulder they were lovely. And he liked the pink on her. When she wore shirts, that is, he insisted, piously. The color was becoming with her coloring. It reminded him of the roses laid at the Blessed Mother's feet in Church on Sunday. He turned and ran back to kneel and say a rosary. I noted with amusement he said the Joyful Mysteries with the set of prayers ritually used with the beads. His _pater nosters_ had an unusual amount of passion in them today.

Handing Marcia the sales girl my black credit card I whispered to her, "There's a $200 tip if you get me out of her within five minutes." I wanted to add... "and save me from those harpies." Perhaps I gave away my feelings with my facial expression as I had never seen a human work so fast. Since she finished in two minutes and forty-five seconds, I thought it only fair to give her triple. It amazed me that the clothing cost so little, all that for only $1,000? My sisters spent more on sunglasses.

I decided I should show Mother to make sure I hadn't made some sort of glaring error, since they had cost so little. My singer needed to be appropriately attired while ill. Any reasonable vampire would do the same with his singer.

With my bulging shopping bags in place held like a shield, I turned to find myself faced with the dual headed hydra of the Stanley women. Jessica's eyes roamed my body at will in a vulgar manner concentrating far too long on a certain area that had wrecked mass destruction over the city earlier this morning. Maintaining a smooth expression, I thought that I could not possibly envision any situation in which this idiotic human would cause me to feel sexual arousal. And in the unlikely event that Gehenna froze over and I did, I couldn't shatter a thermometer, much less an entire mile of the city, due to the lethal combination of her personality, her vacuous mind, her horse like jaw, and most importantly her scent. She couldn't hold a candle to my human on every level. And I doubt she even knew how to spell 'chess' much less play it.

"Edward," she cooed. "You remember my Mother?" Unfortunately. She pointed to the woman who spawned her, a veritable vision of vapidity. Now I knew who to blame for her daughter's frizzy hair, overbite, and simpering. And fashion sense.

"How do you do Mrs. Stanley? Jessica?"

"Oh, we're here to do some Mother daughter bonding. Did you hear about the sonic boom today?" She peered at me lewdly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about?" I looked confused. And innocent. I did. Really.

"Glass shattered in everyone's house due to some kind of earthquake or sonic boom it's all over the news. But only in one part of town. Were you hit in your house?" She planned on asking the part of town our house resided in, and I thought leaving as soon as possible sounded like a wonderful idea.

"No our house is intact." I said vaguely. She didn't need to know where we lived. Sheepheaded Stalker.

"Hey, you weren't in school today what happened?"

"I forgot to take my medication for migraines. Now that it is working, I am able to function."

"Oh, you poor dear. What brings you to the mall?" Her mother gushed.

Mentally she was sizing me up as husband material for her daughter. She noted I fit her requirements quite nicely coming from the richest family in Forks and making inappropriate mental non-maternal observations about my shoulders. I feared she would next grasp my jaw to examine my teeth. Then again, I thought, had I less self control that could be amusing.

"It is my sister's birthday."

"But you're in the lingerie section?" She thought of the gossip potential alone that observation could generate.

"She wanted a warm nightgown. She's so tiny she gets cold easily." Thank God Mary Alice's birthday actually was next week.

Marcia, the sales girl behind me, jumped in to defend me, "He has excellent taste. It was very sisterly clothing. Let me tell you, his sister is one lucky girl. I wish my brothers spent that much money and were so tasteful and thoughtful in their purchases. Here's my card should your sister need anything further, sir." I loved how she stressed the word sister in each sentence.

In a whisper she leaned towards the Stanley women and said, "Can I show you ladies the exclusive private sale rack we have for our VIP customers?" Mentally she thought I needed rescuing and planned on taking them to the rack that held discarded clothing from the fitting rooms as well as some new arrivals. Marcia just earned herself another $500.

"Ooh," Jessica squealed. As she and her mother turned away for a moment, I slipped the sales girl a delighted tip, winked at her, and fled, saying, "I'm sorry but I can't leave my sister waiting. I have to wrap her gifts. It's been lovely chatting Mrs. Stanley, Jessica."

Mrs. Stanley wondered if I, too, had an unnatural relationship with one of my female siblings, thinking perhaps a scandal was brewing in the Cullen household. Or maybe I was into threesomes with one or both of the couples. Dear God, the very idea of that activity with any of my siblings much less multiple ones was enough to make me wish I could re-vomit up my lunch from last week. If only she really knew what secrets brewed in my household. But then, I'd have to kill her. Perhaps I should consider confessing. After all they say it's good for the soul, I joked darkly. Not that I had one.

Since the appropriate words to convey politely that I would rather become a hermaphrodite than have sexual relations with her daughter failed me, I decided that leaving the store as soon as possible would be best for everyone's safety. I attempted to drown out their lustful thoughts.

Clearly stupidity was genetic. Their family tree did not fork. The women were nitwits.

Haughtily strolling from the store, I ignored Jessica's rude thoughts concerning my posterior. And I could not understand why she thought I was carrying a large package. Clearly I carried a large paper bag on me, for goodness sakes. Not a large package. Even her mother had the same thought. And why would anyone want to ride a package? Was box sitting a new human pastime? I made a mental note to ask Emmett when I returned home. Scratch that, I'd ask Mary Alice. Emmett might not know.

Upon entering the house, I felt relieved that my siblings were still in school. Mother looked up happily from her desk and said, "Edward, I located the furniture for Bella's room and ordered it delivered over night by a specialty shipping company. I even found the cloth that covers the chair at her desk." My Mother, when she smiled, positively beamed.

"Thank you. I'm afraid the sight of her ill . . . upset me so I lost my head." Well, it was true.

"Oh Edward. Carlisle just called and said she's responding to treatment." She smiled angelically.

"I know. He's been texting me every half hour."

"Well that makes sense. It's understandable you'd be concerned." She ruffled my hair.

"Mother, she does not really have pajamas - the emergency room staff cut off her clothing when treating her. I did not want her to feel frightened waking up in a hospital gown. I bought her clothing. Could you please tell me if you think this would suit her? It cost so little at the store, I feared I made a mistake. I brought with me some of her clothes to make sure I purchased the correct sizes." I handed her the bag.

Mother took the clothing and spread it out on the never used dining room table. I could hear her in her mind remark that I had never bought clothing for any of my female relatives, and how extraordinary my behavior was. She thought I was considerate to brave the mall in the name of my human.

Examining it piece by piece she said, "Edward I couldn't have done a better job myself. You clearly put a lot of thought into this. She will look wonderful in these clothes." She held them up in the air visually measuring them against the old clothing of my human's that lay nearby. "I think these will fit her perfectly. It will suit her coloring and you have excellent taste."

"Magnificent. Because you're going to have to be the one to give them to her. She'd think it improper if she knew I had purchased them. With her high fever, she is not quite rational."

Mother put all of my singer's old clothes in the laundry baskets, intending to wash them later to clean them of sawdust. She explained that we had to wash the clothing before we could put it on my human, because many stores treated them with chemicals and besides, they had been handled by other shoppers. I worried about that, and suggested we sterilize the clothing. My Mother thought boiling them might be a bit excessive, and ruin the cloth, and said that humans had detergent that acted as a disinfectant. Thank goodness for my Mother's knowledge. I don't know what I would do without her.

She accompanied me back to the hospital where Mary Alice waited with my human, once we had her new wardrobe clean. I brought my singer's boots as well since she had been in socks upon arrival. When she awoke in a new change of clothes, I let her think that Mother had visited. I, of course, did not personally change her, leaving that task to my sister, courage being the better part of valor. But I supervised. With my eyes shut. I had long ago learned how to tell my human was adequately clothed by sound alone.

The chest x-ray confirmed she required hospitalization. The test results showed she had an extremely rare variant of the condition that hit hard, often resulting in death if not caught quickly. With the rarity of her strain of pneumonia, doctors at the CDC would be fighting like toddlers over her blood samples for years. Fortunately, this time she did not have a serious concussion, despite the bruise on her forehead.

We had another doctor call down to La Push to see if anyone else was ill. Seth Clearwater and Leah Clearwater both suffered the same symptoms and were in the hospital in Port Angeles. I thought it odd that the Quiletes were clearly so uncomfortable with Father's presence at the hospital that they delayed medical care for their own children. It's not like we had ever broken the treaty.

Carlisle called Chief Swan at his conference in Denver. We had recovered his contact information from the rubble of her desk. He was told that she and I had been working together on a biology lab and she had sounded awful when I called her and Alice and I had hurried over to her house to check on her welfare. To our utter shock, we had entered the unlocked house to find his unconscious daughter and had brought her to the hospital. When Charlie muttered about finding a flight, Carlisle assured him that he and Esme would personally care for his daughter as he understood that he was required by his job to attend this conference. Charlie reluctantly agreed, and Carlisle promised him twice daily updates by phone.

I insisted she be put on triple antibiotics so that she would heal faster. I had to; she was hysterical when I returned from shopping. I found her crying. Emotional distress would delay her recovery.

"Dream Edward?"

"Yes, dearest?"

"Why did you leave me?" she sounded broken hearted.

"I had to bring you warm clothing, little one."

"But I'm so hot, no I'm cold. But you were not here."

"I am here now, little one." Her hands reached out for mine. They were still so warm.

"Edward," Mary Alice warned, "You need to go hunt. Again."

With regret, I turned to leave. My singer started to keen. Esme thought it heartbreaking that she loved me so, and I had to leave her.

My feet froze in place. I gawped at her in horror. I was making her worse with my absence. And Father's emergency blood supply had already been exhausted by me this morning.

"Take off your sweater," Mary Alice said.

"This is not the ideal place for me to disrobe, being in front of my human and all," I hissed, nostrils flaring in umbrage. I prayed she kept her word as our Mother stood nearby.

"Since it would be even more inappropriate for you to crawl into bed with her here why not leave her an article of clothing with your scent on it, eh?" I had to hand it to her, my sister was brilliant. And discreet. At vampire speed, I stripped my sweater and tossed it to my human after removing the batteries and stuffing them in Mother's purse.

"You still have your turtleneck on, I think you can survive the howling banshees of Dad's nurses in the lobby if you run fast. Watch the blonde one, though. She's had her eye on you all day," she joked.

My human sniffed the sweater, clutched it to her breast like a drowning man with a life preserver and sighed, "Dream Edward."

I left as Mary Alice explained to my Mother my new nickname. Promptly, my dear singer fell asleep drooling. I could hear her wheezing from the first floor lobby. Running to the Olympic National Park, I found three deer and lunged. They never stood a chance.

When I returned from hunting, I found my Mother distressed. When my eyes met hers and saw their color I froze, seeing they were not topaz. Or red. Rather, they were a light shade of brown from her human life. "Oh my dear Lord," she whispered stroking my human's hand as she slept. Mary Alice looked similarly moved.

"What did you see?"

"When I touched her, it took me back to the day I broke my leg. I remember the first time I saw Carlisle. I could feel him setting my leg. I could hear my parents whispering in the back that my Father would take an extra job to pay for my doctor's bill. Carlisle offered to treat me in exchange for a meal as he heard my Mother baked amazing apple pies." I knew that for Mother she did not have a strong memory of her first meeting of Carlisle, but just the feeling that she had experienced upon seeing him. She did not remember much beyond that. Now she had the full memory.

My other three siblings stopped by the hospital half an hour after I returned to discover what the fuss was all about, in Rosalie's words. Jasper sensed his wife's emotional mood.

"Are you well?" he asked Mary Alice. She related to him the story of our visions. All three siblings looked over at my human in disbelief. Jasper had a look of wonder on his face. He stepped toward my singer only to be stopped by my growl.

"I recently hunted because her scent is so strong with her fever. Prudence dictates you do the same."

Jasper suddenly felt the strong desire to hunt. He took Emmett with him.

Rosalie walked towards my human. She, too, earned a growl.

"I hunted this morning. What is your deal?" she complained.

"You're just using her because of what you think she can give you, Rosalie. You've criticized her at every turn from her apparel down to her handwriting. The only reason you are working on her car is because the model interests you and you think it will help get you out of trouble with Mother. You don't genuinely feel a thing for her."

Rose flounced out of the room.

At Mary Alice's stare I sniffed, "What? Sometimes the truth hurts." She smiled at me. "And my human needs her rest. If she woke up and found Rosalie pawing her after all the glares she receives at lunchtime, it would frighten her. I can't have that."

Mother decided to go and find Father, who had to return home to pretend to sleep, to recount to him her vision.

"Edward," Mary Alice whispered at vampire frequency, once all the vampires had left the building, "I had a vision earlier of you wanting to ask me a question."

Oh, of course I had the most curious conversation with Mrs. Stanley and her inane daughter. I related the events. Mary Alice kept a straight face as she said, "Edward, the term "package" does not mean a cardboard box. And they weren't talking about your shopping bag. It's a rather recent idiom used in place of the word penis."

I devoutly thanked fortune I had not asked Emmett. He would not have known the answer. Anyways, I had long ago become used to idiotic humans staring at my "package" and wondering lewd thoughts. Besides, the only human I wanted even thinking about my package lay three feet away lost in reverie about Dream Edward with my sweater pressed against her face.

Mary Alice and I waited for nightfall, and hauled the trash bags to the dump in the Volvo like thieves in the dark of night. Disposing of the bags in the stench, I felt guilty; like I was hiding a human corpse with each sack I tossed. On the way back, Mary Alice, who had been driving, stopped the car. I knew she wanted to talk. "Do you know why the glass shattered?"

Embarrassed I shook my head "No." Although admittedly curious, this was not a discussion I really wanted to have. I knew it needed to occur.

The conversation a few hours before had nearly killed me, and seemed like enough mortification for the decade. Apparently, the humiliation quota for the era had not satisfied lady Fate. But of all the family members save Carlisle, Mary Alice was probably the only other one I'd discuss this with, assuming they all had known, which they did not. And never would. My brothers would have mocked me endlessly. Discussing it with my Mother and Rosalie, defied even my impressive imagination. It was Mary Alice, Father, or nothing, and Mary Alice knew I felt too shamed to discuss it with our Father.

"Edward, I'm just going to throw this out there for you to consider. I think that it was purely emotional. I think you were so frustrated and angry and joyful and terrified all at the same time that your system couldn't handle it. You've struggled so fiercely for control these past few weeks and I know it's taken an emotional toll on you. I'm not an empath but I could literally feel waves of various emotions coming off of you as I approached the room. And I don't know if you noticed but the ground really did shake. That's why no one will ever connect this with you. The human scientists will explain it away."

I shrugged my shoulders. I could not think of a single thing to say. Mercifully, she realized I had reached my limit in communication. She kept me company when I returned to the hospital to check on my singer. Father, upon returning to work, had kept me apprised of her status, texting me twice an hour while I had worked. Mary Alice and Mother kept me company while we sat by my human as she shook with chills. Her fever stayed at 104 the entire night. Dream Edward had to convince her to stay in bed and rest. He also had to hold her hand until she calmed. I had to leave to hunt the next morning at dawn.

We called the school the next day and Carlisle invented excuses for my entire family and my human to stay home. Mary Alice, true to her word, held her tongue. The local news blared with reports of a heretofore unheard of earthquake which created damage through one tiny part of Forks. Seismologists from California were on their way to study the phenomenon. The local hardware store owners were beside themselves with joy, weeping at the cash registers and rubbing their hands together in glee at the sudden influx of business.

I visited my human chaperoned by my family over the next five days. Most of the time she slept, to my relief. The first time she called me Dream Edward in front of Emmett, he exploded with laughter, cuffing me with his massive paw, saying, "This is a step up from HuffWard, PukeWard. Say aren't you supposed to be eating some human food about now?"

I scowled, and bit my tongue. Literally.

Mary Alice had been giving my human sponge baths at first. When that hadn't worked, Mother and she immersed my singer in a bath of room temperature water. She howled for Dream Edward to save her. Emmett had to hold me to prevent me from running to her. I, of course, was concerned that her emotional state could disrupt her ability to make her unique fragrance. I'm not sure why Emmett felt the need to restrain me.

After three very long days, her fever finally broke. I had become so distraught that I had refused to leave her room, conceding to the presence of a chaperone at all times. Emmett and Jasper had hunted for me, returning with a cooler full of bagged blood.

When he came into her private room, Emmett tossed me a warm bag and said, "Here's your dime bag crackhead."

I had no idea what he meant by his odd word choice but accepted the blood gratefully, consuming it in the privacy of the bathroom.

On the fourth day, I wanted to jump for joy when I heard her heart rate increase. I called to Father that she would awaken soon. My Father and I stood by her bedside, Mary Alice in the corner beaming, as she at long last lifted her eyes to us and said, "We have to stop meeting like this."

Even Jasper in the hallway laughed. I offered her a glass of water which she accepted happily.

"Bella, you've had pneumonia. What is the last thing you remember?"

She finished the glass and it vanished in my hands. She squinted, "Hmm well, I remember visiting with the Clearwaters. And we found a cave that had old pots and deerskins in it. Seth tripped and broke one and the dust went everywhere. I had an asthma attack, so I went home to rest. Then I remember going home and crawling into bed and that's the last thing I can recall."

Mercifully, she did not remember how she arrived at the hospital or anything before. For once, fortune appeared to side with me. Father explained to her that she had contracted pneumonia while with the Clearwaters and that both siblings were on their way to recovery as well. She blanched when he told her how severe a strain of pneumonia she had endured, and told her she had been an excellent patient.

Mentally, he told me that he thought Mary Alice might be able to get her to open up as well and that I needed to give my sister some alone time with my singer. We needed to question her about the red-eyed people in her dreams. And Mary Alice needed the chance to build trust. My human wouldn't just blurt out her dreams after one conversation. Grudgingly, I left to return to school. She still slept with my sweater, I noted smugly, on my way out the door.

My siblings told me rumors of the two of us were swirling around Forks High after a student's Mother who lived next door to the Swans told the story of seeing me carry her from her house, looking frantic. I did not feel the need to pay attention to common gossip. Or correct the misperception that she and I were inseparable, and that I watched her longingly all day at school, and glared murderously at any teenage male who approached her. Humans were so unobservant.

Emmett couldn't help but tease me about my growing reputation for chivalry and sex appeal among females of all ages in Forks. I ignored him, poor fellow. I couldn't help it, after all, if my orgasms made the Earth move.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So Edward has a few mortifying conversations with Mary Alice. And lives to tell the tale. Ok, fine, that story will never again pass from those lips of steel. But still. Bella is delirious and dubs him Dream Edward, and insists on having tokens of his affection before going to sleep. And after days of Edward being hysterical – I mean vigilantly monitoring her welfare, her fever breaks.**

* * *

**Here's a teaser for the next chapter:**

**Mary Alice came by to keep us company even thought it was not her shift. When my human kicked off the sheets, my sister quickly moved to tuck them around her feet. The second her hand made contact with my singer we all froze.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Dream Edward and Starched Shirt Edward would love to hear from you. Please review. :)**


	17. HOD pt 6 Bonkers

**All hail to my beta vjgm who validates me.**

**This one goes out to MoonWolfRunner for inspiring me with language. :)**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. Starched Shirt Edward, Sister Claire, and the Predator are mine. So There.**

**Many thanks for your reviews!**

**Song for this chapter:**

**Crazy – Patsy Cline**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=K-wJNpWgss8

**Snarky Summary: So Bella got a little sick. And Edward in the process of providing her revolutionary medical care had *clears throat* a little – he's tapping me on the shoulder as he does not like that word – okay a ginormous accident involving venom leakage. Inadvertent venom leakage. At the hospital Edward fesses up to his Father – about the visions only. The other part is definitely not his business. Bella, while delirious, indicates she is being stalked in her sleep by red-eyed people, which is entirely inappropriate, Edward insists. Perverts. Mary Alice and Edward have a chat about the birds and the bees. She promises to keep his secret. The cover-up, I mean clean up, of the Swan residence begins as Mary Alice and Edward work to destroy the incriminating evidence. Edward goes shopping. Esme has a vision at Bella's hands. Bella's fever breaks. Edward is ecstatic because Bella insists on sleeping with him. Well, his sweater, technically, he argues, counts as him. Sort of. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Six - Bonkers**

When my singer's fever broke, I merely returned to school to collect my siblings. I had no intention of leaving her side until my Father released her from the hospital. Mary Alice offered a singular bright spot in my gloomy day. Thanks to her, our family completely believed that I had demolished my human's room in a state of abject panic. I did not know if I should be offended that they thought me that inept, despite being a doctor, to shred furniture prior to rendering aid to my ill human.

To them, given my unprecedented recent behavior and the severity of her condition, rampaging through her room made complete sense. Because they possessed a modicum of both intelligence and deviousness, I had suspected they would realize how magnified her scent obviously had been and envisage unseemly assumptions; correct ones, I might add. Given Mary Alice's implied constant presence at my side in the tale of how we had discovered my ailing human, they believed our account.

After leaving my siblings at the house, hunting and returning to the hospital, I slumped by my singer's side using my gift's extended range to listen in on my family as they discussed my situation in the living room of our house. Since I had been listening to wide ranges of space for years automatically Mary Alice was not alerted to my, ahem, extended observation of our family as she sat by me as my governess of the day.

What I heard offered me a rare dose of relief in the midst of chaos. My thorough respect of Carlisle's conditions concerning being chaperoned at all times around my singer also contributed to their belief that nothing untoward had happened. Jasper's gift picked up on my combination of guilt, shame, and anxiety which he explained to the family as me punishing myself for not finding her sooner. Any lust I felt toward my singer in his presence he attributed to my growing relationship with her combined with my battle against the pull of her scent.

Listening in also provided other helpful information. Thanks to my encounter with the rumormongers Mrs. and Miss Stanley, the school and neighborhood were atwitter with concern as to why some of my siblings, Rosalie and occasionally Emmett, attended school and others, particularly me, did not. Featherbrained flibbertigibbets. Rosalie griped that the women of Forks high were going into HuffWard withdrawal and grumbled about how "gross" it was to see them paying attention to how devoted I was to my ill singer.

The high school didn't raise an eyebrow at our family member's absences as all our schoolwork still made its way to them on schedule our absences being excused with a dismissive wave of the hand. Having a 4.0 gpa did offer advantages, and the news that we were caring for Chief Swan's daughter while he was out of town meant they wholeheartedly looked the other way. Hearing my siblings firmly believing my plan made me happy. My poor singer being in the hospital--- that made me miserable. Her life in danger, I couldn't imagine another minute without having access to her scent. And I missed our chess games. After all, she was one of the few who actually could beat me. That alone made her remarkable. I couldn't lose my favorite playing partner. I had strategies to teach her.

Although Mary Alice had assured me that my; ahem, unfortunate incident involving inadvertent venom leakage that had stained my human's carpet could be removed with water, I believed in being thorough. No vampire coming into her room or near her house needed to smell something like that on her floor of all things. Her bed perhaps, but her floor? Starched Shirt Edward argued my ego aside; chivalry required that we had to protect her reputation. No one immortal should be snooping around her bedroom. Yet I could not rule out the possibility that one of my family members might drop by one night to check that I hadn't drained her dry. And with the notion of the red-eyed people possibly being on their way, I couldn't have _them_making unseemly assumptions about her either, even if they most likely wanted to kill her.

On one of my many hunting trips that first 24 hours, I had absconded with the sullied carpet and the padding beneath it out of a nauseating combination of remorse and paranoia for her pristine reputation. Tossing it into the hospital incinerator ,I thought to myself, that one couldn't be too careful. I had hoped burning it would help me banish the confusing feelings that plagued me. At the time, reality pulled me away from watching my burnt offering to the heavens as I heard Dr. Winters, the daytime attending's thoughts and ran up the stairs. Apparently her condition had taken a turn for the worse. Because he knew our Father well, he had no objections to our being in her room. It might have had something to do with my Father, me and Mary Alice breathing on him and the nursing staff a few times.

Frustratingly, my human's fever returned and climbed. When his shift started, Carlisle came into her room to find Mary Alice and me watching over her. I asked to see him outside. With our backs to the nursing staff we gazed upon my singer as Mary Alice fussed over her.

At vampire speed I blurted, "I have a question about the red-eyed people she claims to be seeing."

"I'm not sure why you are addressing it to me, Edward."

"You told me that the phenomenon of a singer is rare, correct?"

"That's true. It's a freak of statistics that three of my sons have encountered them. In all my years as a vampire, I've only heard of eight cases, three of them in my own family."

"Is it possible her blood could sing for more than one vampire?"

"Honestly, I have never heard of it, but then again, this is such a rarity I don't think we can dismiss the possibility. Clearly, it does not sing for your other siblings. We'll simply have to observe her carefully and watch for signs of any unusual vampire activity in the area."

Nodding in agreement, I left him to finish his rounds and took my usual seat at her side. Occasionally, I would pretend to sleep so the nursing staff would not suspect anything. It allowed me to be there continuously without raising suspicion, despite the rotating shifts of my siblings. As part of the progression of her illness in her delirium she started having nightmares which left her crying and shaking - but uncharacteristically not sleep talking. Aside from keeping her hydrated and ensuring she received appropriate medical attention, it frustrated me how little I could do.

Speaking of which, I needed to become better at protecting her. Had I attended her with due diligence, my poor human would not have become diseased in the first place. Her suffering was my suffering. I adored basking in her presence because of its effect on me - I won't lie about _that_ - but receiving such bountiful pleasure in her fever-enhanced fragrance at the cost of her comfort and health embodied a penalty too dear to pay. I couldn't help but feel contrite as I sat by her side watching her fight the fever. To be able to stay there longer without having to hunt as often, I simply stopped breathing when the humans weren't looking, much to my family's awe.

Although Father admired my extreme efforts, he argued that the stress I was under still meant I should hunt often. When I was required to eat every few hours to ensure them of her safety, it made me feel more repulsive than usual. Not to mention it proved inconvenient. It kept me from her presence. I had become accustomed to it. She could wake up and be frightened without me near.

Mary Alice, bless her, tried to assuage my fears. To distract me she suggested that I concentrate on what I could do for my singer while she lay ill with me by her side. That started me thinking. I should work to improve her quality of life. It was the right and reasonable thing to do after all, a vampire Hallmark if you will. I cared to send the very best. Flowers were impossible since she was in ICU. Instead, I decided to show my esteem in other more constructive routes.

Mary Alice saw my decision and laughed, "Edward, I think that is an excellent idea."

In the past few hours, it amazed me to see how comfortable I now felt around Mary Alice compared to my other siblings. She had been so understanding with me, especially as I was so undeserving of her kindness. My other family members rotated shifts monitoring me, even Rosalie, although she sat and read a fashion magazine looking bored the entire time peering at the monitors when she thought I wasn't looking. I felt far more comfortable with Mary Alice though.

On the morning of the fifth day, after sixteen hours fifteen minutes and three seconds of being unconscious my singer awoke briefly as Susan, her nurse switched out her IV medication. She still had a fever of 104 and the new antibiotics thus far weren't making much of a dent in it. I had apologized to Susan for my previous boorish behavior which she graciously accepted thinking me distraught in my teenage love.

Susan floated in and out of the room, calling my human a "poor little lamb," in her mind. Susan thought it adorable how my human refused to let go of my sweater that I had left with her when she cried the other day, and the other nurses on the floor agreed with her opinion. One nurse had tried to remove it only to find my human held it in a death grasp. Fearing upsetting her, Carlisle had suggested they simply leave the sweater in her bed. Susan and the rest of my Father's staff were touched at my devotion to my girlfriend, especially considering my age. If only she knew my real age much less my reasons sparking the aforementioned adoration, I mentally snorted. Jasper, my current monitor, watched their emotions with an amused expression knowing better than to tease me.

My singer's eyes fluttered open. I could not tell if she was lucid until she spoke.

"Dream Edward?" I both loved and loathed that name. And Jasper found it hilarious.

"Yes, little one?"

"I'm so cold."

"I'm sorry. It is the fever."

"Could you please warm me like you did the last time?"

The only time I had warmed her had been in the parking lot. Clearly, her fever had her confused. And thank goodness, she was not making sense, because I had company. I didn't think Jasper needed to know all the details about my icy parking lot rescue of my singer.

"I'm sorry little one," she looked mournful and her lower lip quivered. I used my best soothing voice, "Bella, in order for you to feel better your fever has to break. I know you are cold but if I put a blanket on you it would make you worse, and I can't have that. A glass of water or two will lower your fever. Would you please drink some for me?"

Weakly, she nodded. Under Jasper's watchful eye, I perched on the bed beside her, lifted her with one hand behind her back, and held the drink to her lips with the other. It took some time for her to finish two large glasses and much encouragement on my part because she was so congested. She started coughing, which made her curl into my side flinching in pain. The only thing I could do was gently pat her back and make soothing noises, while Jasper mentally barked that I needed to ensure I did not shatter her ribcage.

Once she stopped her fit, I gave her a bit more water. Two and a half large glasses over ten minutes should aid in her hydration; so I stopped for the moment. Regretfully, I laid her back down in her bed and moved back to my seat beside her.

"Oh," she suddenly looked worried. "Am I going to die?" Her wheezing was still painful to hear.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." I put the glass down on the table beside her bed. I decanted a fourth glass.

"Good. I would hate to not be able to see you. Grandmother really likes you, too."

My highly un-vampire-like double-take caused me to spill water all over the table. Using my gift, I ascertained the nurses thankfully attended other patients. Jasper looked alarmed. Father was at home "resting" so he couldn't hear this particular discussion.

"I'm glad. Tell me about your Grandmother. Is she the smart one you mentioned to me?"

She took my hand in hers and placed in on her hair using both our hands to stroke her head as she had the other day. I could not resist offering her what little comfort I could. Besides, her hair smelled excellent, and the scent would stay on my hands. And it was perfectly safe, as I had just consumed deer blood. And I had a male duenna in the form of Jasper watching morbidly fascinated leaning against the wall, feeding me suggestions at vampire speed of what to say.

"Uh-huh."

"I see, and is she talking to you in your dreams?"

With a radiant smile, she nodded affirmatively.

"What is she saying to you?" Wow, Jasper sure was good with this whole question and answer business.

"Oh, it's for you." She looked worried.

"What is for me, little one?"

"Her message. She said I had to give it to you, and only you, Dream Edward." She appeared as if she held a precious secret to her chest.

"Well then, by all means, please tell me what does your Grandmother say?"

"Save it."

"That's the message?" I probably sounded disappointed.

She started crying then, "I said exactly what she told me. Please don't be mad. Dream Edward, I'm sorry. I'll try to do better next time. Please don't leave." She reached out for me. I rushed to her side and folded her into my arms, careful of her IV.

Panicked, I looked at Jasper pleadingly as he sent a wave of calm to her while I stroked her hair. "I'm not angry. I could never be angry at you, dearest. I'm delighted to receive the message from your Grandmother. I look forward to conversing with her again. You should rest now, little one. I and your Grandmother both want you to feel better soon."

She tightened her arms around me in response and nodded. Under Jasper's watchful gaze, I held her and made my meager attempt to comfort her by running my fingers through her hair. She seemed to like that, sighing and nuzzling her fiery cheek against my chest.

Even Starched Shirt Edward peering over my shoulder thought my actions proper as he hated to see our dear human frightened and weeping. He said he had offered up a prayer to her Guardian Angel. He asked me meekly the date of her birth. When I told him it was September 13th, he happily announced his intention to pray to St. John Chrysostom whose feast day the Church celebrated on that day as well.

Starched Shirt me claimed it was a good sign that her day of birth coincided with a saint, who by his spiritually ferocious behavior exemplified the role of the prophet to comfort the disturbed, and to disturb the comfortable. Apparently St. John Chrysostom had been outspoken during his life in confronting the powerful, he explained, and pointing out their need for God and proper Christian behavior. Surely, he added, she had disturbed our comfortable life, and surely she had offered comfort to us in our misery. For once, he started to make sense to me.

Usually, around this time of the year, he and I would argue over how to correctly observe Lent in abstaining from consuming meat on Fridays. My blood drinking did not to him fall under special exemption status according to his interpretation of Roman Catholic Canon Law. Punctilious prig. I wasn't traveling he would bluster. I was a senior citizen and therefore should be considered exempt, I typically would respond in a persnickety tone. We died at seventeen and did not _appear_ to be a senior citizen. Observing the rituals regardless, he would contend, set a good example of our Faith. I didn't hunt in public in front of Roman Catholics, observant or otherwise, as that might give a few of them a fright I would argue back.

Starched Shirt Me would sanctimoniously advocate that I should heed the Holy Father's wishes regarding my dietary habits. He urged me to travel every two weeks to the ocean to hunt killer whales as they constituted fish. Besides, being large they probably had enough blood to sate our requirements. I would usually end the debate by telling him that to the best of my knowledge there had not been a papal encyclical written on the dietary or spiritual needs of the undead, as not having souls, we no longer fell under the Holy Church's dominion. As this was an annual argument that typically lasted the entire forty days of the religious season until Easter Sunday, I was actually surprised at his remarkable self control. Jasper clearing his throat caught my attention from my ruminations as I stroked her hair soothing her.

"Edward, the emotional difference between her when she's well and her when she's sick is astounding," he said at vampire pitch.

"In what way?"

"She's so contained at school, so focused on repressing her emotions. It's like she fears that she might bother someone by expressing them. And talking in front of others sincerely makes her uncomfortable, especially groups. Aside from hugging Angela, she does not initiate physical contact with anyone. From what I've seen, she does not like being touched by anyone save you, and to a lesser extent Alice, Esme, and Carlisle - although that too is astonishing. Right now despite her fever you really are seeing her being emotionally vulnerable."

That made me as happy as I could be in the circumstance.

As I caressed her head, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. I lifted her gingerly and placed her back in her bed, but kept stroking her tresses. My human started to dream twenty minutes later.

Jasper appeared troubled, "She's actually very frightened right now, keep comforting her."

Being from the time period of the Civil War, Jasper rarely touched his wife in public view aside from her hands out of fear for seeming indecorous to his wife. It was part of his upbringing. Mind you, he had no such problems touching humans to kill them in public, but that was an entirely other subject.

When my human had cried earlier, her emotions and my physical behavior had caught him off guard. For him to tell me to continue touching my human meant she must literally be terrified. I could feel waves of fear coming off of Jasper as he absorbed her emotions. She started shaking. Had she been awake, I would have said she would have appeared too scared to move. I wondered if the red eyed people held starring roles in her nightmare. My inability to read her mind galled me.

Her fear gradually receded as I murmured to her, "Shhh, little one. I am here. No one can harm you. Rest and know you are safe." Jasper once again aided me and her nightmare retreated.

As my hand brushed her hair in a gesture I had become addicted to offering, without opening her eyes, she took it and put it in between her cheek and the pillow pulling my sweater against her and eventually, she fell into a deep slumber. Working one handed on my laptop did not pose a challenge for six hours if my hand helped her rest. I was right handed after all. I knew I was operating on borrowed time with my human, she would only live for another seventy years or so, and I couldn't have her find out what a despicable creature I truly was. Dream Edward had to exist.

Mary Alice came by to keep us company even thought it was not her shift. When my human kicked off the sheets, my sister quickly moved to tuck them around her feet. The second her hand made contact with my singer we all froze.

The vision took us to a dark room in what appeared to be some kind of medical facility, albeit a crude one. People screamed and wailed in the background. With waist length hair wearing a rumpled blue dress, my poor sister sobbed and begged her human Mother and Father not to leave her there. Looking uncomfortable, her Parents told her that this was the best place for her until she was cured of her demons.

I could feel my sibling's terror and see the grim expressions on her Parent's faces. Mary Alice could feel their discomfort around her and the reason. She'd had a vision that the minister's pregnant wife needed a doctor and had been dismissed as being meddlesome when she attempted to warn them. His wife and unborn son had died the next day from a ruptured appendix. Word had spread and the local humans led by the grieving minister had planned on killing my sibling.

A soothing voice told Mr. and Mrs. Brandon that this was the best asylum in Mississippi, and that he would keep their daughter's presence a secret. As they walked out the door to the sound of Mary Alice's sobbing, her eyes turned to meet the doctor. His cool hand patted her shoulder and he said, "I promise that I will take care of you." Looking up into his face, we gasped as we saw he had topaz eyes in his unnaturally pale skin and a sympathetic expression. We could tell from his appearance that he was an older vampire from the power that emanated from him in the vision.

As it faded from our minds my sister and I both sagged. Jasper watched absorbing the emotions and was holding his wife stupefied as her eyes turned slowly from blue to gold. I couldn't bring myself to look into the mirror to watch mine change.

"What was that?" Jasper asked.

Mary Alice said wistfully, "I saw my frightened parents admitting me to an asylum. They hid me there because I predicted that our minister's pregnant wife needed a doctor. He blamed me when she and the baby died. I remembered how frightened my parents were that I'd be killed or worse, my entire family. My last name was Harden, and the doctor who cared for me was a vegetarian named Benedict."

"What was your first memory as a vampire?" I had never asked that not wanting to intrude but it seemed relevant now.

"I remember smelling a fire. I remember being afraid. Then the next thing I knew I woke up near a river with a note pinned to my dress that said, "Your name is Alice."

"Do you have any sense of Benedict?" Jasper asked her tenderly.

"I could tell he was a good man. He reminded me of Carlisle."

Quietly, I agreed based on what I had experienced. Her husband held her and sent calming waves to the entire room. In the process he probably overdid it as all the patients on the floor, my singer included fell into deep slumbers. Mary Alice called Carlisle to report the news. Aside from the fact that the visions concerned events in our human lives, we could not make any connection between them. Frustrated and feeling at a loss, I looked around the room for something constructive to do.

I had tried to distract myself by examining my singer's updated charts and medical records, and had been surprised to see her recent allergy testing results posted fifteen minutes ago. I had scrutinized the report with mounting horror. My poor human was severely allergic to mold and dust and Bermuda grass as well as moderately sensitive to lettuce and shrimp and shellfish and slightly allergic to bananas. How was she going to get her potassium? Merely going to the grocery store now presented an unacceptable health hazard. I'd have to research if Bermuda grass grew in Washington State, because if it did I needed to kill it all.

Because allergens triggered asthma and allergens also caused a buildup of mucus in the lungs which could in term lead to bronchial infections which could lead to another case of pneumonia - or the double pneumonia she now experienced I felt distraught. Reasonably, how could I protect her? And she'd need a personal shopper from now on, as clearly she could not enter the Thirftway without a protective mask, much less the outdoors of Forks. She could fall into the shrimp vats or slip and land in a pile of lettuce. She was clumsy.

If she were being attacked by a Grizzly bear, I could handily save her. The predator only had to come calling, you see. But dust mites? And fungi? What's an immortal with multiple science and M.D. degrees to do in this particular exigency? I needed to arm myself with knowledge. Cruel Fate had handed me a different kind of beast to slay.

My singer's illness clearly occurred as a result of my negligence, and I owed it to my little one to rectify my errors. Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder, and reminded me primly that when we said "my little one" we should specify that we were referring to _our human_ to keep people with filthy minds from being understandably confused and think we were insulting ourselves. I could not possibly imagine what my personal hellacious harbinger was blathering about, and told him to please go into his corner and say a Hail Holy Queen on behalf of our human and a few Glory Be's in Latin, of course. Perhaps he could add in a novena to Our Lady of Lourdes? His eyes lit up and he scurried to his prayer bench kneeling joyously before an icon of the Blessed Mother. That kept him in a contemplative trance for hours.

The predator, knowing he was in trouble, had been silent, snoring in his corner while rubbing his gorged belly. Grateful for the silence in my mind, the real me had work to do. Perhaps she in her illness misunderstood the message from her Grandmother - if one really did exist. I had unwillingly walked this Earth for so long that I did not question the ability of the dead to communicate with humans in their dreams. After all, I had a sister who saw visions ordinarily. Adding the visions that I had experienced by touching my human to the idea of warnings from her Grandmother did not seem so odd. Perhaps I was meant to save "her" not "it?" I turned my attention back to researching how to help my human. After all, her Grandmother asked me to. I now had familial permission.

After reading the studies on environmental dangers, in hindsight, perhaps I panicked. I spent the first hour after receiving her test results poring over volumes of the Journal of Asthma and Allergy and the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology in order to make sure I had the latest information. To distract me from what he called that "medical mumbo jumbo," Emmett, my current chaperone, suggested given her asthma that perhaps we should inspect her house to do what we could to protect my human.

Occasionally, my brother showed glimmers of wisdom. I agreed, but asked that he give me another hour to do some research on the Internet in order to be better prepared, and to give Mary Alice time to arrive to take my place guarding my singer. I rifled through files from the National Institute of Health and the American Lung Association. Even the EPA offered helpful handouts on inspecting homes to better protect frail human residents from the disease. I hadn't paid taxes in years due to the technicality of being dead and all, but it gladdened my undead heart to see human taxpayer dollars at work. Who knew?

I left Mary Alice with a ten page typed list of detailed instructions in regards to the care of my human. Armed with a clipboard and checklist and a testing kit for research pilfered from Carlisle's office, I joined my perplexed brother ready to engage in all out war on the Swan residence, the veritable den of death. I was prepared to annihilate every dust mite in the house. And the cockroaches. And the rats. All were known, after all, to trigger asthma. Even if she wasn't allergic to products from cockroaches, it couldn't hurt to kill them all, anyway. Her allergies could change. And cockroaches were disgusting and unsanitary, as were rats.

The amount of dust I found in the heating/cooling vents alone in her house, particularly in her bedroom, astounded me. Samples that I gathered and tested on site revealed it was positively teeming with microorganisms that could cause her lungs further harm. My poor little one. I should have tested the house earlier and she would not have suffered as much, I castigated myself. I may have moaned out loud.

Emmett sounded alarmed, "Um buddy, what's going on?"

"I just tested the samples. It's ghastly."

"What's wrong?"

"Her air system is clogged with microorganisms that could damage her frail lungs. I should have tested the house earlier. I don't know what I was thinking." My voice sounded panicked even to me.

"What kind of microorganisms are we talking about, Edward?"

"My results indicated significant levels of allergens from cockroaches, dogs, cats, rodents, and mold."

"They've never owned pets from what I can smell." Emmett scratched his head.

"That's not unusual to find their dander in the vents. The National Institute of Environment Health Sciences conducted a longitudinal study from 1998 to 2002 that indicated that 100% of homes had pet dander despite only 32% of them actually containing the blasted animals."

"You've got a scary look on your face Edward. What are you planning?"

"I'm pondering systematically killing the pets in the immediate neighborhood."

"Huh? How would that help?" Emmett looked baffled. He might have also looked at me like I was becoming unhinged.

"You make a good point. Regretfully, that plan won't work. I'd have to kill every pet in town to make a difference, as well as clean every single house when the owners were gone, and that would definitely not solve the problem for long."

"Ok, but yeesh that's a lot of work, Edward."

"She's worth it. Besides, the plan also would fail as distraught owners would simply replace their pets." Stupid sentimentality could cause my little one to have trouble breathing. "Then, I'd just have to kill the new pets all over again."

"Edward is she severely allergic to dogs or cats?"

"Slightly to cats. Not to dogs."

"Then why were you planning mass murder of the dogs?"

"I have to be thorough. Her allergies could change."

Alas, Emmett was right. It did not seem like a particularly efficient plan. Fido would live to breathe another day safe from my clutches, unfortunately. Besides, dog blood really did taste bad from what I'd heard Jasper say. And my human wasn't allergic to dogs, although she was mildly to cats. No one would miss their cats would they? Perhaps Jasper was hungry. Really hungry.

And I could always find a way to convince my human to move to a location suitable for her particular combination of allergies: willing or not. It was for her own good and the betterment of our relationship. And her being 17 and all, someone had to be the adult here and make decisions on her behalf. I might have started muttering to myself, because my brother stared at me with concerned eyes as I looked down to see I had destroyed the clipboard with a surprised expression.

Emmett said I seemed so agitated I should call our Father. Again, he had a wonderful idea. Of course, I had to discuss the results of my findings of her house with my Father. Carlisle tried to alleviate my concerns telling me that despite 22.9 million Americans having the disease, asthma deaths were steadily on the decline. He argued that last year alone there were 3,884 deaths, roughly 1.3 per 100,000.

I disagreed with his prognosis regarding my human and contended that of those deaths he cited, 66% occurred in women, and my singer was female last time I checked. With that fact, he conceded my point. He gave me his blessing to asthma proof their house, telling me that with the windows shattering and the rain the day she had been brought in we could argue that the carpet and sofa and recliner had to be replaced as well as the curtains. Forks had suffered a rare event called horizontal rain.

I ignored his thoughts that keeping me occupied on something other than my singer would be good for me. When I called my Mother, she agreed with my Father on my intentions to allergy proof the Swan residence. She had inspired me so much in the past few months. From faking loving my human to helping me to provide for my singer in her hour of need, I had the best immortal Parents in the world! It really was a shame I had to lie to them to make them happy. I hated that. But the alternative frightened me more.

My Mother arrived at the Swan residence quickly after a phone call from Emmett as well. I hadn't paid attention to their conversation despite the alarmed tenor of his voice. Although it always gladdened me to receive hugs from her, she seemed peculiarly affectionate tonight taking my arm.

"Edward, I know this is difficult, but Carlisle thinks Bella will make it through this illness."

"Thank you for your concern Mother. I'm afraid I'm in a hurry. The sooner I complete my inspection, the sooner I can return to my singer's side. I'd prefer the high end furniture because it has better quality in this room."

"Dear, we have to work in a hurry, and high end furniture takes at least six months to order."

She did have a point. My human could not sit on the floor for six months watching television. It could hurt her back. Back pain could cause her to miss school.

"And since Chief Swan lives here, I really should select things that would make him feel comfortable, not what we would like," Mother continued.

"Wonderful. I eagerly anticipate watching the installation of a neon Coors sign over the bathroom door, not to mention the sawdust you will doubtlessly be scattering across the floor in the kitchen and living room."

My Mother actually giggled.

"Don't forget while you're at it a crude wooden sign with an arrow pointing to the lavatory. And singing stuffed fish on every wall." Emmett added helpfully. Perhaps he needed to be in charge of decorating. Clearly, he understood Chief Swan.

"You two scalawags need to go and do your work while I sketch up some plans. Rascals." Esme affectionately shooed us away.

As Emmett and I walked through the house inspecting it, I congratulated myself for being the first on the block to replace the windows. During one of their periods living away from the family, Emmett had decided to work construction. He had been quite good at it. He noted the brand new glass with the paperwork that accompanied it.

He crowed, "Hey Edward you really did a great job with the windows."

"Why do you say?" I had reasoned when I selected those models that in addition to providing them with peace and quiet, they would also save energy. Who knew helping my singer could also aid in her family's economic fortune and save the environment as well, I preened? But Emmett's opinion mattered. Sometimes.

"Well, when you are buying glass, you want to make sure in this environment that it keeps the heat indoors. They measure that with an R-value, the higher it is the better it works keeping heat in the house."

"And this is important because?"

"These are R-19 which are ideal for this climate. And you purchased windows that have argon gas sealed in between the glass panes. That model works twice as good as the regular glass in everyday houses. For a twerp, you're pretty practical at times." Emmett paused and he looked hesitant.

"What is it?"

"Well, did you think to check the insulation? You won't do much good with the windows if the insulation is bad. The house is at least 30 years old. And the better the insulation the better it keeps heat indoors."

"No that thought did not occur to me. But it should have..."

"And uh, there's something else."

"What, is it bad?" My voice rose an octave or two.

"Well, kinda." Emmett looked at me as one does a rabid beast about ready to leap.

"Define 'kinda' please?"

"I can smell asbestos in the house. I'm guessing it's from the insulation." Emmett took a deep breath and inhaled like a wine taster. "Yep, the house has asbestos insulation. That's not good for humans. Many people don't replace theirs, they just try to seal it up. I bet that's what they did here."

How could I not have caught this? I had been so preoccupied with the sensational scent of her blood that all other odors had paled in comparison. My head raced as I thought of the illnesses that exposure to asbestos could do to my dainty human's lungs. Asbestos was a known carcinogen. I could not have her developing mesothelioma because of her house. Or asbestosis. Or pleural plaques. Her poor lungs. Using vampire speed and shaky fingers, I called Father and insisted he run blood screens to ensure that she would not die from exposure to asbestos. And she needed to be screened for cancer. Now.

"We need to check the heating and cooling systems. Now," I exhaled deeply trying to show strength in a crises.

"That is a good idea Edward, we should check to make sure there aren't any leaks."

"We must replace the insulation immediately. She cannot set foot in the house in this condition."

"Gimme a second to look and see what is available, Edward." He sat on the floor and began surfing the Internet making annoying clicking noises with his tongue that made me twitch, wondering what other bad news he was about to impart. "Okay, I've arranged for the top manufacturer in the country to have the materials delivered by tomorrow. It took a little extra money, but humans find that motivates them to work faster."

"How much money?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I insist on paying. She is my responsibility."

"Okay, buddy."

"You have free reign of my bank accounts," I wrote out the numbers for one. "Would fifteen million cover it?" I asked Emmett? If necessary, I could easily access more funds. She deserves the very best."

Together, we inspected the heating and cooling systems. Emmett for some reason found my understandable disdain at their condition to be an over-reaction, considering the age of the house.

"Look, Edward, why don't you go and clean up and head back to the hospital?" Good point, that. She needed me. I had been away for two long. Although it had, alas, been unavoidable.

"I can handle the insulation removal and installation. Trust me, I did this for years."

"You'll update me?"

"Every hour."

"Ok." I ran back to the house to shower and change. I listened in on my brother calling the family expressing concern for my mental well-being. When being upset about my negligence of my singer became a Cullenary Crime, I had no idea. But really. I was not over-reacting. I was a model of self-control, considering the circumstances. My poor singer!

Rosalie came to help at the Swan residence. She was bored and wanted to see how my human lived, sniffing disdainfully at the modest furnishings peering into her almost empty closet. And she loved watching Emmett work, she gushed. Besides, she had heard I had gone absolutely "bonkers," whatever that word meant, and she wanted to observe my behavior, muttering about obsessive compulsive disorder. Turning my mind away from their discussion, I left them to their devices. I had work to do for my human.

They completed the attic first. I insisted that extra insulation be added in between the walls of my human's room. Emmett decided that making it more soundproof couldn't hurt as well. To my amusement, he took it upon himself to add just as much to her Father's room. Reconstructing the drywall in the house and painting to match the shades did not take long working at vampire speed during the day so as not to disturb the neighbors. When consulted, Mary Alice explained that as long as we did not go too far from the original color neither Swan would suspect a thing. I insisted we find a brand of paint that would not be irritating to my human's lungs.

As for Emmett's diligence in soundproofing the rooms, for once, his vulgar mind did not bother me. Not that I planned on doing anything in my human's room that required soundproofing, mind you. But still. My singer needed her peace and quiet. And privacy. She was shy. Knowing that when she shut her door that she'd be in her own little world comforted me. And I could protect her better than her Father could, so making sure that his room was more soundproof simply meant he would sleep better at night, live longer due to a strengthened immune system, and that would make my singer happy. Even if he was almost useless as a parent.

During my research, I found a joint study from the University of Washington and Harvard University that examined the Seattle area for practical means of lowering allergens and devoutly heeded their results. I applauded myself for my practicality. I had insisted that her bed be replaced with a new more comfortable twin pillow top mattress that was wider. She tossed and turned in her sleep, and could use the extra room. And the new mattress would be better for her spinal health than the twenty year old one she currently used.

Because the new mattress would not fit her current sheets, I had to purchase several sets that would not only cover her mattress but also be soft against her skin. I researched the thread count issue and decided that 800 count Egyptian cotton sheets would be in her best interest, ordering fourteen sets online with Fed Ex delivery for the next day. I insisted on buying the industry's top dust-mite proof bedding liner for her box spring, her top mattress as well as the new pillows I had purchased for her.

The literature explained that pillows collected dust mites. And hers smelled twenty years old, too. That couldn't be healthy. Besides, they now made specialty pillows for people who went to sleep on their sides and woke up on their backs. My singer would no longer suffer from a stiff neck.

Protecting her from dust mites meant Charlie required a new mattress as well for his room, and new pillows, and new dust mite proof covers, and new sheets. I reasoned that if he slept better, he would sleep deeper and that meant less chance that he would feel the need to disturb my human when_she_ slept. And if he had fourteen sets that fit his mattress, that meant less laundry for my singer to do.

Speaking of laundry, I changed their detergent from Tide to Liquid All, since it was advertised as being hypoallergenic and better for the environment. And I found a special order fabric softener made for people with allergies so my human's towels would be soft against her skin. I special ordered a case of that to be delivered the next day. Her hospital sheets needed changing, after all.

And speaking of towels, her linen closet was bare according to my Mother. We couldn't have that, so we purchased the plushest towel sets we could find. The bath mats in the restroom were over a decade old, so that too had to be replaced with new ones. I wanted to ensure that my human would be warm when she stepped out of the shower so bought one long enough to cover the entire bathroom. It could also prevent her from slipping. Besides, working at vampire speed it was amazing to see how fast you could spend money online and humans were only too happy to take our money to deliver the supplies overnight. I had never shopped this much, well, ever, and I think I was beginning to understand why my sisters enjoyed it.

Mother sent her usual crew to begin the initial work on the Swan residence in regards to redecorating it, and let Emmett help them. Carlisle called Charlie to report on the earthquake and horizontal rain damage to Charlie's house and assured him that because Esme did this for a living he had nothing to worry about and that we would handle it and his insurance would pay Esme. With his daughter in the hospital and his house damaged Chief Swan was beside himself but Carlisle managed to calm him.

After researching vacuum cleaners, I found one that suited my needs with an appropriate filter for her allergies and had my Mother's crew vacuum the entire house. The twenty year old goldenrod shag carpet was replaced with a lovely maple wooden floor and area rugs. The air filter in the furnace was replaced and a ten year's supply left in the garage of ones suited for people with weak lungs. The leather sofa and recliner installed in the living room would be resistant to dust mites. All the drapes were removed as they were old and had traces of mildew on them and replaced with new lined ones in tasteful colors. They, along with the new area rugs, were steam cleaned before being installed. The exhaust fans in the bathroom went to the junk pile in the sky to make room for a significantly more powerful and quieter model. We couldn't have mold growing in their newly scoured and recaulked bathroom. When I read that the gas burning stove in her Father's kitchen could possibly expose her frail lungs to unhealthy levels of nitrogen dioxide while she cooked, I advocated replacing the stove with an electrical model.

My Mother said it would be unreasonable to do that and we could just install a more powerful fan over the range. Since hiring a chef for the family wouldn't work - my singer loved to cook I could not take that pleasure away from her - I chose to compromise on that point only and installed a professional grade venting system. I tested the air in the house and particularly in her bedroom and the kitchen to ensure that it was at the right level of humidity. And I added an air purifier to her room and the living room to help clean the environment. The television repair people brought back the Swan's repaired version.

I still had two things to accomplish. I hired a pesticide firm to encircle the house in a tarp and fumigate it for cockroaches and rats and any other creatures that could threaten her. I ensured they used chemicals that would not harm my human as well. After they had left, my Mother and I discussed cleaning supplies.

After all, despite my modest efforts, my poor human's house remained a death-trap of bacteria and mold spores. With that thought in mind, I advocated scouring every surface in the house with straight bleach to clear it of dust and pathogens. My Mother was kind enough to aid me, marveling at my diligence, explaining why I could not use straight bleach on every surface. We compromised as she took me to the human grocery store and showed me the vast array of sterilization equipment. With my degrees in chemistry in mind, I examined the chemical composition, worrying that I did not have time to run independent lab studies at home. Feeling like I played Russian roulette I chose the ones most likely to work by their chemical structure. We returned to the Swan residence having fully stocked their refrigerator and freezer with food, and having spent a paltry $2000 on cleaning supplies.

While rooting around in the attic gathering samples, I had found a misshapen lump that was covered by a cloth that appeared to be a blanket for an infant. Faintly, it smelled of my human. Lifting it had revealed a Teddy bear that matched the ones in my human's room. Next to it were a faded set of pictures of her parents on their wedding day looking young and foolish and infatuated with those useless human emotions and what appeared to be her late grandparents. Also, her Mother's wedding gown was in a dust drenched box next to these articles.

I wanted to throw away the newly discovered stuffed animal along with the two from her bedroom as they smelled musty and were positively caked with dust mites. And the wedding dress. My human couldn't wear something that filthy. Something told me that I should ask my Mother's advice as I stood over the trash container looking at the toys and the dress. My Mother explained to me that humans became very attached to their childhood toys, and throwing the toys away would devastate her. Since I had my box with my three prized things, I considered this reasonable and asked my Mother to have the stuffed animals professionally cleaned and restuffed with hypoallergenic filler.

Without a regret I threw away the dress. When Esme explained to me that some human girls wore their Mother's wedding gowns to their weddings I made _sure_ it stayed in the trash.

Starched Shirt Edward and I both agreed that our human didn't need to be wearing anything that revealing in public. "I do not like the lace and tacky beads," he sniffed.

"It looks like a lampshade from the sixties. An ugly one you would find in some illegal drug consuming long-haired human hippee's house."

The predator said, "Even after all this time the garment reeks of her Mother's treacly scent. It is so off-putting even if hungry I would not bite someone that smelled that bad. I vote to toss the gown."

We had to save her from her Mother's deplorable fashion sense and personal foul blood smell. No reasonable vampire would allow his singer to appear in public in such a garment.

A national search found the identical dresser, desk, and chair that I had pulverized in her bedroom. My Mother worked her magic and managed to have them shipped in two days and delivered discreetly to the Swan residence. She had not been able to find a similar bookshelf, so had built one by hand that matched the detailed drawing I had given her. I had selected the varnish. The result was indistinguishable from the old version. After four days, the smell of the varnish had faded. My singer's replacement books had arrived from used bookstores - copies all in excellent condition like her own. I couldn't help but add a few volumes to her collection. She needed to expand her mind, so I also added some about chess.

Rosalie worked on my human's truck easily replacing the headlights and mirrors. The glass had shattered on the radio which was an original part of the car and difficult to replace. I decided since she enjoyed music that my singer needed a new sound system in the car. Nothing too fancy or she'd protest. But since the radio needed to be replaced anyway, I had Rosalie install a new stereo system. The bulletproof glass arrived by special delivery for the truck. Rosalie enjoyed tinkering with the engine, giving the car a much needed tune-up and changing the oil. To my surprise, Emmett insisted on buying her stereo as a get well gift. He said he owed my human because he hadn't been this entertained by me in well, ever. I hung up on him for that comment. Besides, he was distracting me from watching my singer's monitors.

Get well cards started arriving for my human, which I, of course, opened to ensure they were not from anyone inappropriate that would upset my sleeping singer. Mike Newton sent her a box of chocolates. Given that she was currently unconscious and could not consume them, I did not feel bad dispensing them to the nursing staff who fell upon them like ravenous newborns.

These women I found seemed to have an addiction to chocolate. I might have led them to believe along the way that I had bought the gift for them rather than let them know that I was feeding them Mike's unsuitable food intended for my human. Besides, Mike's gift contained peanuts which she could be allergic to, so I replaced them with a peanut free organic brand that I left in her room by his card. What my human didn't know couldn't hurt _me_. Well at least in _this_ case. Mike's mobility was currently, alas, limited, so he did not attempt to visit.

When Angela and Ben came by, I hid as my Father explained her highly infectious condition and that she would not be able to receive any visitors until her fever subsided. Angela left a sweetly worded card that Starched Shirt Edward particularly enjoyed because of its religious theme. He said even though Angela was a Protestant, she had her heart in the right place and we liked her. I reminded him that our human was Protestant which embarrassed him as were our vampire Parents and two of our siblings. Perhaps he might want to rethink the Reformation, I suggested. He sprinted for his prayer bench. Angela and Ben were not the only people in the town interested in my human's condition. Or soul.

Given how the Quilete tribe hated us, and her family's close relationship with the Clearwaters, I was slightly surprised they hadn't tried to spirit her from the hospital in a laundry cart in the middle of the night. Upon our arrival in Forks two years ago, my Father had contacted Mr. Clearwater to renew the treaty and remind him of our dietary habits. Beyond that terse phone call, we had no contact with the tribe.

Billy Black had braved death trying to visit her, accompanied by his son Jacob. The doctor on duty had explained that she was highly contagious and therefore not allowed to have any visitors. Dr. Winters had been shocked to hear Billy Black mutter that she was clearly being held against her will by Dr. Cullen. To calm down the irrational Quilete Elder, he personally moved the man's wheelchair, insisting his son remain in the lobby, so that Mr. Black senile senior could witness from a safe distance that my human lay in bed hooked up to machines sleeping peacefully. Also, he could observe that the nurses who attended my slumbering wheezing singer had masks in place and were gowned to prevent the spread of the illness.

Perhaps the signs warning people to put masks, scrubs, and gloves on prior to entering the highly infectious room convinced him. The elder and younger Black both left, grumbling, but satisfied we had not murdered her. Yet. I decided to read their puny minds more thoroughly.

Tiptoeing through his relatively deficient brain, the younger Mr. Black and his equally thickheaded Father were both scandalized at our involvement in my human's life. I gathered from the elder's thoughts that Charlie had related a tale about one of the Cullen boys giving his daughter driving lessons, and what a wonderful family the Cullens were for taking such good care of his child on the night of her accident - and aiding him as well. From reading the mind of the older one, I learned he and Charlie had an argument over the phone when word of my human's current illness had reached him. The Elder had wanted her transferred to Port Angeles hospital and taken out of Dr. Cullen's care immediately.

Charlie had actually become quite angry according to Mr. Black's memory, and had insisted that Dr. Cullen was a fine man and that he and his wife had taken wonderful care of his daughter and gave him twice daily updates and that he would not risk his baby girl by having her moved that far away when her fever was so high and she was having trouble breathing just because Billy had an irrational dislike for those nice Cullens. He also said that Harry Clearwater had complained the his children were not improving at that hospital, so that made him even more certain she was in the best hands. Apparently they hadn't spoken since. Hampered by the treaty, the Quiletes were forbidden from disclosing our secret to anyone outside of the tribe.

I did not like the look or the mind of the 15-year-old Jacob Black. His face still had the baby fat associated with adolescents, and his mind clearly operated on a lower level than most humans. He operated under the delusion that my singer was fated to be his wife because of their Fathers' friendship and because his Father had told him so. Jacob Black's thoughts about her were peculiar. Despite his determination to marry her, he clearly did not really know anything about her - nor did he care to. Jacob was waiting for the right time to tell her that she was intended from birth to be his bride, and had been trying in vain to get her alone since she had moved to Forks.

He pestered his Father to question Chief Swan about his daughter and worried with her recent arrival to Forks High that she might start dating someone. He couldn't have his future wife being dirtied by those Forks kids. When she visited the Clearwaters, which she did every other weekend he did not make any attempt to join them as he detested Leah, instead he would simply watch as often as he could from a distance when no one was aware of his presence. That struck me as unusual stalking behavior.

Jacob Black never bothered to learn my human's favorite book or her birthday. In his mind those things were unimportant because Fate had decided they were meant to be and she would, of course, not require convincing or wooing. During my research efforts concerning my human, I had never picked up any hint of an arranged marriage in her Father's mind. Who were the Blacks to make these decisions for my human? Misogynist Morons. She belonged to me, body, soul, and most importantly, scent.

I would not be permitting my precious singer to marry any other human - it would interfere with my access to her. Besides, I didn't think the younger Mr. Black would understand me watching her while she slept. After all, I had needs that had to be considered. And I outvoted him. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator agreed for a record third time that they did not like the look of that boy and we should keep an eye on him to protect our singer from unscrupulous men taking advantage of her sweet nature. And smell. Our three votes to his one decided that we would definitely be continuing our disingenuous pursuit of our human's heart.

We might be a bastard, but at least we knew her birthday. And we cared for her physically in regards to her welfare and health. Not to mention that we watched over her to keep her safe. Her emotional life would not improve with the younger Mr. Black as he exhibited all the classic characteristics of an abusive male. We couldn't permit our human to be exposed to such shoddy treatment.

She deserved better. Much better. Besides, we doubted he could play chess, either. Our human required chess in her life. Because she was so wonderful she deserved to have someone who would move Heaven and Earth for her. I may not have been able to handle the Heaven part, but I certainly had moved the Earth. And once or twice, my mind may have contemplated personally moving the Earth for her. But only after we married, of course. My thoughts wandered from the Blacks to her involvement with the head Quilete Elder's family.

I suspected the Clearwaters with both children hospitalized in Port Angeles were too busy to come visit personally, although Harry Clearwater called twice a day to check on my human's condition. Given the proximity of Fork's hospital in comparison to the one in Port Angeles, it baffled us all that the tribe would drive that distance to receive medical care. Since Charlie had given his permission, Carlisle personally called Harry Clearwater at Leah's hospital room to brief him.

Apparently Leah and Seth were not responding to treatment, much to the tribe's distress. Father told Mr. Clearwater about Bella's story about the cave with the pots and deerskins and warned him that this could be what had made everyone sick. Mr. Clearwater may not have liked us much, but he was always civil in communicating with my Father and promised to look into the matter. The three men he sent found the cave and promptly became ill as well.

We had sent a sample of her blood to the CDC, and were not surprised when they sent doctors to personally collect samples from the cave. The Quilete elders had forgotten about the cave and had squawked about their traditions being disrespected. The CDC scientist had pointed out that respecting their traditions and not taking a sample could kill the Clearwater children and the three other ill tribe members. Ultimately, after much head scratching, they had relented, insisting that an elder also don a HazMat suit to accompany the researchers to collect the data and perform a ritual cleansing of the ancestral site. I didn't mind respecting their traditions, as long as they allowed us to prevent my human from being exposed to further dangers on the reservation. Apparently, the tribe was convinced that CDC scientists made money on the side by raiding historical sites and selling priceless pottery shards. As soon as the scientists left, they moved the artifacts to another location and hid them.

Given the severity of her illness, and my justifiable concern about the head of the lab being uneducated, I had taken a sample of her blood, avoiding snorting or drinking it, and had been studying the strain of pneumonia in Carlisle personal lab at work. It frustrated me that I could move at phenomenal speed, but I could not budge time. To run the tests, I needed three days.

I suspected the antibiotics that they had prescribed the Clearwater children were not adequate, given their condition, as their doctor had put them on the broad spectrum azithromycin. My tests indicated the strain did not respond well to that particular antibiotic, and I advocated changing her to vancomycin since my testing indicated she would not respond to penicillin, either. Since the Clearwater children were important to my human, I knew their deaths would doubtlessly distress her, I took action. I had Carlisle call their doctor and brief him on our research. Twenty-four hours after being switched to a new antibiotic, the Clearwater children's condition improved markedly.

My singer improved under her new drug regimen. She awoke again to find Carlisle at her side with me and Mary Alice. Confused, she did not understand at first how long she had been in the hospital. Mary Alice and I stepped outside to let my Father talk to her.

"Bella, how are you feeling?"

"Sleepy, and my chest hurts."

"That's normal. Would you mind if I listened to your heart and lungs?" He checked her pulse and performed the completely unnecessary procedure as his vampire senses already knew her lungs were still congested and her heart beat normally.

"You appear to be healing on schedule now that we have you on the correct antibiotic. If you stay fever free for 24 hours you'll be able to go home."

"There's something we do need to discuss. Did your parents ever tell you about your accident when you were an infant?"

"Yes," she whispered, "It's my fault they divorced."

"Bella," he said kindly, "Why would you believe that?"

"Because my Mother told me that I fell, and even though it was my Grandmother's fault for distracting her, that my Father blamed her. If I hadn't fallen, they'd still be together. If I wasn't so clumsy....." She sounded so sad and talking to my Father was hard for her given her shy nature.

"Bella, you were not at fault. You were two. The file says your Mother had left you on a kitchen counter while washing your hands and had stepped into the other room. I'm sorry to say, as she was the adult, _she_ was at fault not you. Did you know that you were in ICU for a week as a result of that fall?"

"No."

"Ah. Bella, have you ever wondered why you fall so often?"

"I'm clumsy, that's what my parents told me."

"That's not accurate."

"I beg to differ," she said softly, "I have the broken bones to prove it."

"I was referring to the adjective you used. You aren't clumsy by nature or birth. You had a traumatic brain injury from the accident when you were two, and it left you with permanent brain damage in the area that controls motor coordination." There was a long moment of silence as she absorbed my Father's news.

"No one ever told me this." She whispered in a strangled voice.

"Bella, you have about a 10% difference from an average human due to this damage in terms of motor skill. That is why you trip as often as you do."

"But nothing else in my brain is screwed up, right?" She sounded like she was crying. Carlisle thoughts indicated concern as her face looked positively wounded.

"Bella, do you often have headaches?"

"Yes, I just take Tylenol though."

"Does it help?"

"A little." He stared at her. "Not much," she mumbled.

"You've never reported them to your doctor."

"I don't like going to them unless I have to. And I didn't want anyone to worry."

"Have you ever lost consciousness?"

"Yes. Is that bad?"

"Not that my tests have revealed, but Bella, you have to do your best to be careful. A serious concussion given your condition could do serious damage compared to your average person on the street."

"Is there any way for me to get better? Any medication?"

"We could try physical therapy to work on your motor skills."

"Will my insurance cover it? My Dad always panics about my medical bills and he hasn't even received the one from the accident in January."

"You don't need to worry about a thing my dear. I have very persuasive ways of handling insurance companies. And your bill from your earlier accident was paid for in full by an anonymous donor," My Father smiled. She wore a mystified expression on her face.

"Why would a complete stranger pay my medical bills?"

"I honestly couldn't say," Carlisle was smooth, I had to give him that, as he thought of me with pride.

She may have not been talking to me at the time I paid it, but I refused to see her Father have to pay a $100,000 medical bill because her insurance adjustor was a fraud. My human started talking again which pulled me away from my thoughts.

"Thank you for telling me the truth. Dr. Cullen."

"Always, my dear child."

Mary Alice insisted we wait outside the room telling me mentally to give her a minute and let her go in alone because my human was embarrassed. My sister offered her some tissues to wipe her tears, and asked her, "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I just found out why I fall all the time. And my parents knew and never told me."

Mary Alice lifted a hairbrush and sat behind her working on her hair, "Sometimes parents make decisions that we have a hard time understanding."

"I don't expect you to know, but I can't think of why they wouldn't tell me that I had brain damage. I fall all the time and they told me I was clumsy." It pained me to hear her so upset.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry."

"I've grown up feeling like a freak of nature when there's been a logical explanation all along." She was still crying quietly, and she was furious according to my sibling. She looked down in her lap at that moment in Mary Alice's mind, and had this odd expression on her face.

"Alice?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Do I want to know why I am clutching a sweater to me that smells very much like your brother?"

I didn't have to be in the room to know my sister gave an impish grin, "Actually, you kind of made him strip."

"I what?" she sounded positively mortified.

"I saw the whole thing. It was fascinating. You wouldn't let him leave the other night. And he had to go home to eat," technically that was true, "And you started to cry and clutched onto his hand. Edward became really upset and didn't want to leave you. He had been at the hospital for twelve straight hours. We had to threaten him with Emmett to get him to go home to rest."

"Oh my stars."

"So he left his sweater with you, and you clutched it to your side and went right to sleep. Even while you were delirious, you wouldn't let the nurses take the sweater from you."

"Your brother must think I'm a psycho stalker." She sounded horrified.

"Actually he was touched by it." And smug Mary Alice said, "My brother is desperately glad that you are better, and would give more than the sweater off his back to see you well. When things got really bad he slept in this chair for 3 days and refused to leave. We had to bring food and clothes to him."

My sister was the best, I thought, as I saw my human's bemused face through her eyes.

"Oh God I have no idea what to say to him," she muttered putting her hands over her eyes.

"Bella he's been around enough sick people in his life to know that you were out of your head with fever. And he would never dream of embarrassing you. He's too much of a gentleman." My poor shy singer. Thank goodness Mary Alice was better with words than me.

Mary Alice said she looked like she had experienced too many emotions in her weakened state and needed to rest.

"Bella why don't you lay down. We'll sit with you."

"We?"

"Edward is just outside. He hasn't left."

Exhausted, my singer quickly fell asleep, my sweater still in her hand.

She woke up to find me at her side three hours later.

"Hello there." I loved the adorable way she blushed.

"Um, hi."

"I suppose you are sick of people asking how you are feeling?" I checked her pulse and lungs and heart with my ears. Her blood smelled funny with the new antibiotic, although it still appealed to me.

She looked down aghast to find herself clutching my sweater. I couldn't help but smirk when she was not looking before her eyes reached my suddenly solicitous face.

"I'm told I demanded your clothing."

"Actually Alice is the one who demanded my clothing. I happily surrendered it. And it brought me joy to see you smile."

"Do you often have women demand you strip?"

"First, you never asked me to remove my clothing. Second, a gentleman never tells." I gave her a mischievous smile.

I didn't think it gentlemanly of me to tell her about Jessica Stanley and her horrid Mother, or the other women at Forks High that stalked me with their thoughts. Starched Shirt Edward thought that comment inappropriate for a gentle young lady's ears.

"Now you're teasing me." She sounded like her old self over a chess game.

"But I'm telling you the truth," for once. "I'm delighted you're conscious enough for me to do that. I've missed my second favorite pastime. Do you feel up to a game of chess?" I loved how her eyes brightened as she smiled.

With her fever gone, my siblings save Mary Alice and Emmett, had returned to school. I apparently was home with a raging case of vague illness-itis necessitating my presence guarding my human when Carlisle had to "rest." The red eyed people could appear. Emmett helped my Mother overseeing the finishing touches on the Swan residence. Since my Father insisted I was tiring my human, I went to her house to give it one last inspection, and hunted, before I hurried back to the hospital.

Mary Alice and my human had spent several hours playing chess, much to my distress. That much chess could tire her out, I reasoned, only to be outvoted by Father saying she could use the mental stimulation. Mary Alice believed that she had to establish a friendship with my human in order to build trust, so that my human would tell her about her dreams. Since Jasper had worked so long interrogating subjects during the Southern Wars, I figured my sister had learned something from his expertise and grudgingly let them have their time. Mary Alice found my human fascinating and charming. She mentally told me that she had rarely had so much fun playing chess. I understood completely. I desired to play with my human too. Even better, she wanted to play with me. I was the luckiest monster of them all.

**Dream Edward would love to hear from you. Starched Shirt Edward too, because he's complaining that Dream Edward is getting all the attention. The harlot. Please Review :)**

**

* * *

  
**

**1. I have received a few reviews questioning when Edward is going to admit he loves Bella. He is still very much living in his own mental world at present, one honed over 75 years. I don't ascribe to the idea that he can take one look at Bella and do a 180 in a few days. You should keep something in mind….Men tend to show love through instrumental means (action) vs. words. Also, you should notice that his actions are increasingly becoming more erratic to everyone. Prim Proper Edward asking Bella to wrap her legs around his waist a few chapters ago was your first major clue. Him actually getting in bed with her and rationalizing holding her another when she was sick was another. Mind you, technically he could cool her faster than Tylenol but because he's so repressed he didn't want to put her in the shower - which would have been just as convenient and the normal thing to do - or better a lukewarm bath because again he's repressed. So he comes up with a justification which isn't AS bad as stripping her naked even for medical purposes but to him is logical. And he of course peeks while Alice is dressing her because After all, he is a doctor. Professional. And it isn't HIS hands that are on her. Not, mind you, that he's ever seen her changing before - listened yes - but seen no. So his behavior should strike you as erratic. His throwing out innuendo is another sign that he's becoming ensnared and is not really aware of it. And he's going to live in the land of denial for quite some time.**

**Also, he does feel just terrible about what happened in her bedroom and his cleaning of her house is part of that reaction. Edward is overwhelmed with all these emotions he does not understand particularly guilt. So he's almost symbolically trying to clean the scene of the crime by all but rebuilding her bedroom. He nearly killed her. Now he has to keep her safe. From fungi. And mold. Because he's not willing to take himself out of her life - so every other danger must be dealt with decisively. After all, he has impressive control. Seriously. Sometimes.**

**2. I am an animal lover. Edward went a wee bit overboard in his reaction to Bella's allergies. No domesticated animals were harmed in the writing of this fanfiction. Seriously. Starched Shirt Edward swears it. But Edward really did contemplate it. You should take that as a sign of just how unhinged he's becoming.**

**3. All the studies, and facts that you read about in this chapter actually are true and do exist. I particularly found the National Institute of Health and the American Lung Association and the EPA helpful. I really did use the list from the EPA on how to protect yourself from allergins for Edward's rampage. I found it highly entertaining that in following their directions to the letter - he comes off as insane. Or seriously OCD. I have put references on my profile.**


	18. HOD pt 7 My Queen

**This chapter is dedicated to Rialle author of Seducing Ms. Swan for her amazing work and grace under pressure. **

**Once again, ya'll have been amazing in your response to this story, and I sincerely thank you for reading.  
**

**Characterization Note: I do appreciate that Edward comes across as suffering from OCD in the last chapter. That behavior is his guilt combined with his sense of powerlessness in the face of Bella's condition, and it will not continue long. I was more interested in "showing" his reasoning process as he clearly has no notion of boundary issues with Bella's life.**

**All hail to vjgm who validates me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness Part Seven - My Queen**

Mere words alone cannot possibly describe the assuagement I felt as my human began to recover from the effects of my egregious negligence. I promised myself that she would never again suffer such tribulation. After all, her world now was more dangerous than ever - with multiple sources.

Mysterious red eyed people haunted her dreams; allergens threatened her life, and Jacob Black our scentantic future. Recent days acted as a crucible, one that indicated my war had only just begun. Mentally I listed the modest things I had done to aid her while she had been ill. Ruminating over my behavior, my list of inadequacies and sins expanded.

"We had to do more to help our dear little one," Starched Shirt Edward earnestly implored.

I couldn't agree more. She was ours. And we owed it to her. In my panic I had made some serious errors. I corrected the first one immediately upon becoming cognizant of it. Although my Mother and I had restocked their pantry with food from the Thriftway, I had failed my human in not doing enough research beforehand, and decisively corrected my inexcusable blunder. Emptying her refrigerator and pantry, I donated what was usable to a food shelter. Canned food couldn't be good for my human. It contained leached metal. Not to mention excessive amounts of preservatives and sodium. Helping the homeless and indigent made my actions appropriate and not wasteful. They needed to eat, too. The food my Mother and I had initially purchased for my human, alas, had been substandard.

When I recognized that the food supply in Forks failed to meet minimum standards for my singer, I hired a personal courier service to drive the 139 miles to and from Seattle to replenish her larder at Whole Foods. I didn't really care that they sang their cows to sleep before slaughter; so much as they did not dose them with antibiotics or growth hormones when raising them. And their produce section offered a wide variety of fresh foods grown without chemical pesticides and fertilizers which could contaminate her tiny body and harm the scent of her blood.

To my delight, they even offered organic spices so I bought one of each that they sold to replenish her supply, as well as two heart-healthy cookbooks approved by the American Heart Association. After all, what reasonable vampire would not want to protect the heart of his singer? It circulated her blood. It seemed logical, therefore, to ensure hers would remain beating and healthy. I did not think she'd mind that I had donated her old spices to a food pantry. Homeless people needed paprika too, I imagined.

Starched Shirt Edward's chest puffed with pride at seeing our devotion not only to our human but to the indigent as well. He told me St. Vincent de Paul would be proud. He asked while I was on a spending spree for my human if I minded buying her a rosary and Bible as she lacked both. Rather than explaining to him the extent of his presumptuousness, I offered another argument. We did not, after all want to offend our human's delicate feelings since we DID know her Father was Protestant and assumed that she had been raised by wolves under her Mother's "care", religiously speaking.

The dingbat was probably chanting to potted plants and crystals on a prayer rug surrounded by hippie love beads snorting incense and PCP with her new husband in Florida as I spoke. We needed to know her far better before we could discuss religion. He nodded and scurried away to pray for her Mother's soul.

And if her Father lived longer eating healthier food that would, I presume, make her happy too. Considering his obsession with fish, I decided to give him a legitimate excuse to be away from the house for longer periods of time. I discarded his 3 years' worth supply of fish after deciding his freezer had broken while he was out of town. The guidelines from the United States Department of Agriculture web site indicated that food should be frozen no longer than a year in order to be safe to eat. I would not permit her Father's love of fishing and poor food storage skills to harm my human. Of course, I replaced the freezer with a new and improved model.

I did this for our relationship: his daughter's and mine of course, he could go jump in a pond. If Chief Swan fished more often to replenish his supply; my singer and I could spend more time alone, uninterrupted, on the weekends. Her Father did, after all, enjoy fishing. So this way, everyone won. It was a fair compromise.

Alice and I were playing chess with my singer that night at the hospital. My poor human had lost 6 pounds due to her suffering a quick scan at her latest records indicated. My physician's brain found it an average amount that an ordinary patient would suffer during her illness. But the rest of my brain wailed and felt like she could die at any second as I eyed the crash cart I had purposely moved to a convenient location. And the portable one I had secreted under her hospital bed while she slept.

I congratulated myself for the portable one I had hidden in her house in a secret panel I had installed in her closet with extra batteries. And the supply of epinephrine, sterilized syringes and alcohol swab packets accompanying them in every location. Just in case. But really, elementary logistics of emergency medicine aside, I had to help my human gain weight. Immediately.

"What's this?" my singer buried under a pile of blankets in her bed that I had specially ordered for their soft texture, peered around the room confused. A parade of men carried in a small table and chairs and arranged them in an empty corner. I unfurled a tablecloth with tiny daisies printed on its white background borrowed from Esme after learning that humans liked them on their tables while they ate.

"We thought you might like to have dinner outside of bed." I hoped she would like this idea.

"Thank you," she offered a small smile. She had shadows under her eyes, her pale face showed her recent weight loss, and her hair cascaded around her looking tangled. My little one appeared so frail.

Although her fever had broken, her lungs were still weak and I did not want to tire her. The meal also served as a test to see how much she could endure in terms of physical activity. Alice and I stepped outside as a beaming Susan aided my human to use the restroom and for the first time allowed her to change into one of the nightgowns I had purchased as well as her robe and the new slippers that Esme had thoughtfully brought this morning. Lillian, Emma, and Claudia my Father's other nurses carried in the dinner trays that we had ordered and set them down on the table.

My human was the favorite patient of the staff, and it delighted them to see her improve. After giving them Mike Newton's chocolate, I had decided that the staff required better feeding. So I had bought 20 European chocolate bars by Lindt for them, 10 large Ghiradelli boxes, and 50 Rittersport bars in 8 varieties after reading their minds. From their squeals of delight I could tell I had, yet again, managed to figure out something useful about human women. They were chocolate addicts. It did not hurt that the nurses mentally decided that I was more considerate than the men in their own lives and that my human had the sweetest boyfriend in the world. If only they knew.

Alice smiled at the parade of people and mentally said, "Edward I know you're nervous. It will be fine."

I whispered back at her at vampire frequency, "I worry about her in her weakened state."

"I know, but we need to treat her as normally as possible because she is feeling self-conscious. Bella is very upset about her diagnosis - even more so because her parents knew all along. Oh, and thanks so much for ordering me a meal." She gave me a mini-glare from the corner of her eye.

"If we both eat, she will too."

"You realize I haven't had human food in decades having scrupulously avoided it."

"Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, Mary Alice. I don't enjoy it at all. But she eats more when she has company, and she needs her strength back."

"Fine brat, let's go torture ourselves. But you have to let me play two chess games in a row with her." I happily agreed to her terms. Besides, I had things to do while appearing innocent.

"That's fair. I'll watch." I smiled. She had no idea how much watching I planned on doing, I thought. Without my sister, I simply did not know how I could have endured the past week. I had come to a new appreciation of her, feeling indebted to Mary Alice for the support she had given me these past few days. She seemed to accept me, the me that I allowed her to know.

We entered the room to find my bashful human sitting, hair in her eyes wringing her hands under the table. I worried just doing this was going to send her straight back to bed as Alice and I took our seats.

The nutritionist's notes labeled our main entrée as something called meatloaf. According to my analysis it appeared to be lesser portions of beef mixed with fat, combined with onions and held together by a glue created out of eggs, fruit, and bread particles. The soggy greasy grayish lump tasted every bit as horrid as it appeared, although my human consumed hers without complaint. Alice and I both maintained neutral expressions as the food we swallowed danced like slivers of glass down our throats to land like lava in our roiling stomachs. For once, I thanked cruel providence that I lacked the ability to blanch. A week off of human food made the process of eating it that much more of an ordeal, although I had the advantage over my sister in this regard. By Alice's thoughts she heroically struggled reminding herself that Bella's friendship made this worthwhile. Usually in situations like this we would sneak food off the plate and hide it at vampire speed. Not wanting to take risks with Bella circumstances required we literally eat every bite. Alice started talking in an effort to offer distraction for us and comfort for my human.

"So Bella, I thought we might play chess after dinner," She paused for a moment mentally chanting that she couldn't vomit in front of my human, "Do you think you can manage a game or two? I might go easy on you - considering your weak state and all," Alice mischievously taunted. She yelled at me in her mind, _"I just might be requesting three games you twerp. How can you stand this at school?"_

"For you Alice, I will make the sacrifice." My human shyly answered turning her attention to her green beans that had been cooked with ham, an absolutely repugnant combination, I found, as I munched mine. She had excellent table manners, Starched Shirt Edward observed with pride happily pointing out the dainty way she used her utensils.

"When you took your nap a little while ago you seemed to have had a bad dream. Do you remember it?" Alice tentatively asked.

"I don't usually remember what they are about," my human prevaricated, heartbeat racing, fear spiking in her system while cutting her meat. She kept her eyes on her plate the entire time a guilty expression on her face as she attempted to beguile us.

Alice thought to me, "_She's lying._ _This will not go anywhere. I'm going to give her something to think about, and then change the subject."_

"We worried because you had several of them and they seemed to genuinely frighten you," I tried to soothe her as she continued to stare at her plate toying with her food. Alice intervened.

"I've found that when I have nightmares, writing them down on paper helps," she used a mild tone.

"Why?"

"Dreams, according to my Father, are our mind's way of working through our issues. Say, for example, I had one of me running and being chased. If I write about the dream, and describe it in detail, then it helps me understand what could have sparked the desire to run in the first place."

"Like a journal?"

"Perhaps. I find the process of writing forces you to be logical. You have to give them some kind of coherent structure in order to be able to write them on paper." My sister knew how to get inside your head, sometimes, even better than I did.

"Oh." She toyed with her penne pasta cutting it into tiny pieces. She had finished all of her food I noted with satisfaction. Alice and I immediately put our forks down trying not to sigh in relief.

I reached down to the floor and took a large box out of a bag.

"What's this?" she looked relieved to change the subject as I placed the cardboard box on the table. Susan came and took our trays away on a cart and left beaming.

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

Lifting the lid with a perplexed glance revealed a large sheet cake we'd had specially made from her. Alice said she looked like the children at Christmas looking in wide-eyed wonder at their gifts on that movie we watched last week.

"How did you know chocolate was my favorite?"

"Lucky guess," I smoothly lied.

When the nurses had eagerly exclaimed about how every woman loved chocolate, I had decided to test that theory with mine. During our chess games at school I had seen her consume one piece of chocolate cake without any distress, so I hoped she would like this surprise. I had dug through my possessions in my library until I had found my human Mother's cook book that contained her chocolate cake recipe which her hand written notes in her elegant script mentioned as being my favorite dessert. Esme had used it to make the cake for my singer, down to my human Mother's frosting.

I didn't know at the time why I had saved her handwritten cookbook. Being a vampire meant I did not need to be able to bake or cook, to my sorrow. Letting go of the book would have been like abandoning the memory of my human Mother. She had spent so much time with it by the look of the worn pages, and her meticulous notes about every entry. I thanked providence I could share a bit of my human Mother with the person who had brought her back to me.

Pleasing my singer in the process represented an added bonus. Besides, practicality suggested that she needed to gain weight and highly caloric food would help. Returning to her normal size would improve her health and increase her blood production. Feeding her chocolate aided in the manufacturing of her scent. And Esme had used what she called fake eggs to make sure I didn't harm my human with unnecessary cholesterol. And if I remembered my research correctly consuming chocolate triggered the same pleasure centers of the brain that having sex did. So I was never giving my singer another piece. This was a true sacrifice on my part. I couldn't have her cheating on me with a common Hershey's bar.

Susan and the rest of the nurses came into the room to congratulate my singer on her recovery and Alice cut the cake serving everyone with paper plates and plastic utensils. Hilariously, she ensured that the nurses and my human had the largest pieces saving us the two smallest. From the rapidly disappearing food the experiment proved a success. This figuring human women out business wasn't that difficult, I mentally vaunted. After dessert had been demolished, we cleared the table for chess. I heard my family move into the living room of our house 20 miles away and start to talk about the situation with me and my human as Alice took her pawn. I pretended to gaze out the window at the light rain that fell on the trees around the building. Listening to my family proved illuminating.

Carlisle started the discussion, "I am quite concerned about Edward's emotional state. Could you all please tell me what you all have observed that is unusual for him? "

Emmett bluntly stated, "Um, Everything?"

"Please be more specific, dear," Esme said.

"Aside from his stalking his human? And picking verbal fights when he has never argued before? Our painfully shy Edward is also speaking far more now than I've seen ever - but especially when he's with his human. Honestly, the first time they had lunch at school he talked more in that hour than he did the first fifteen years I knew him. It's clearly difficult for him to do it, but the fact that he is trying that hard is astonishing." Rosalie said.

My Parents appeared amazed. Esme looked like she was going to weep with joy as she squeezed Carlisle's hand in her own. Their thoughts actually indicated they felt proud of me, I marveled.

Jasper said, "The way he turned his rage on and off the other day was simply astounding. And I've seen him do it at school when protecting his human. He must be sitting on a lot of emotion that he's buried away in his mind for her that comes to the surface if he perceives she's threatened. The only thing I can assume is that it's connected to his feelings for her and could be magnified by his instincts. I've never felt anything like this with other vampires. And considering the amount of rage he has, as strange as it sounds he really is controlling it well."

Esme wondered, "He's always been so non-confrontational. And all of a sudden within a short period of time, he's become physical with three different human boys. All for good reason. But it's still so odd for him."

Emmett said, "All this is nice, but we really need to talk about what happened in the last week with him freaking out over Bella being sick and what he insisted on doing with her house."

"Carlisle, he is so panicked. All the time. And he's taking it out on her house. I've never seen him like this." Rosalie actually sounded concerned. How uncharacteristic of her to think of someone other than herself. "He had me put in bullet proof glass in her car. He's obsessed with his human's safety. Who would want to shoot her? I actually found him ordering her a cyclist's helmet. He had planned on trying to convince her to wear it at all times unless she was sleeping. I managed to convince him that she would think him insane and would hate to have everyone stare at her for wearing one. That's the only reason he changed his mind."

That had been a good idea on my part, because the football helmet I originally wanted to use would have covered up too much of her face making visibility awkward and would have been too heavy on her tiny neck. I growled that peer pressure was preventing my human from being reasonable in protecting her poor head. Alice had also prevented me from installing a bedrail used to keep children from falling out of their beds at night in her room saying it would humiliate her. I conceded when she correctly pointed out that my human would most likely trip over it trying to get in and out of bed. Women. They didn't understand practical issues. My Mother started speaking again which distracted me from my grumbling.

Everyone nodded. Esme said, "He's clearly protective of her, but because he's so sheltered he does not have a firm idea on what is appropriate and what is not. He has done so many sweet things for Bella. It's flabbergasting to see the effect loving her has had upon him. He actually asked me to make her a cake that he thought she would like that they brought over to her tonight to cheer her. He so rarely asks any of us for anything. He went to the mall and agonized over the clothes he bought for her---"

"Wait, what?" Emmett said as Jasper and Rosalie both did double-takes.

"He went to Dillards and bought her clothing."

Rosalie stuttered, "Wait - Edward. Edward? Went into a mall?"

"He did, " Esme smiled.

"And bought clothing?" she almost shrieked. When she had heard a rumor of me shopping at the mall, she had dismissed it as precisely that - falsehoods uttered by mindless idiots. Rosalie thought of all the years I had never purchased a single item of clothing for any woman in the family. She felt genuinely aghast, I noted her thoughts with much amusement. Had I known shopping for clothing for my human would have garnered this reaction from Rosalie I would have done it far sooner and far more often. This was definitely something I would have to repeat. For entertainment purposes of course. With Rosalie's snarky comments, I decided I would buy my sister clothing from Wal-Mart as a gag gift for her next birthday. She had just earned it. And clothing my human was the right thing for a vampire to do in order to protect her blood and her scent in the frigid air. My thoughts went back to my Mother's voice as she spoke.

"He bought her things she needed for the hospital of course, a robe and a nightgown and a change of clothes for when she is released because her clothing is not warm enough for this climate. He brought them by the house to check with me to make sure that they would fit her and that they were appropriate. It was touching to see how much he cared. Carlisle you should have seen his face, he was so nervous." I thanked the Almighty that my Mother left out the part about the lingerie. She was so good to me. Emmett would never have let me forget about it had he known. He would have started chanting something about me being a panty thief again, damn him, despite the fact that I was providing them to her, not stealing them. Yet. Or thinking about stealing them. Much. She had more pairs now.

"When you combine that with the house business, with him eating human food with her at lunch every day, he must really love her. Because he totally hates shopping. And talking." Emmett insisted. He had this odd picture in his mind of me looking like I was going to hyperventilate when we were discussing the asbestos issue. Clearly Emmett's possessed a faulty memory of that particular event. Vampires can't hyperventilate. I may have raised my voice once or twice. But I did not hyperventilate. I think.

"He certainly has been distraught sitting by her bed these past few days, and going to her house only seemed to increase his anxiety. I don't think he has any idea of his feelings though," Jasper mused.

"Face it," Rosalie had everyone's undivided attention, "This is the fourth sign of the apocalypse. He's gone completely insane. Father we're going to have to work on creating a vampire straight jacket since tranquilizers won't work."

Carlisle said, "He's had me check her for cancer because of the asbestos, but everything he has requested has been medically sound. And he was rational enough to correctly diagnose her the day he brought her to the ER despite being overwrought. He never once argued or tried to defy my condition that he be chaperoned at all times. His research saved her life as well as that of the Clearwater children. So he has shown that he can function despite his over-reaction regarding Bella's asthma and allergies. Now that the main crises of her health has been averted, after seeing all the work he's had done to the Swan residence, I think we will need to collectively plan our explanation to Chief Swan. Aside from the living room, are the changes obvious?"

Emmett said, "Charlie does not strike me as observant, you know? We did not leave any traces of our work in the bedrooms, and he'll never check the insulation in the attic."

Esme added, "I've already thought of logical explanations for everything that we can't directly connect to the storm or the damage from the glass. I don't think we'll have any problems there. Plus Edward insisted on paying for the work so I can give Charlie's insurance company a small bill and tell him I found incredible deals from wholesalers. That sounds realistic and he won't think twice about it."

Emmett added, "Um, besides the new mattress, pillow and computer, you can't tell a difference in her bedroom. Jasper recovered the hard drive from her old computer and had the data transferred to the new one so she won't be inconvenienced. The only really obvious change besides the living room is the bathroom."

"What about it?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward insisted on having grab bars installed in the shower at a height that Bella could reach to keep her balance. He also had us redo the shower to make it easier for her to get in and out of so she would be less likely to trip. We actually replaced the tub with a model that has a skid proof bottom. And he had me put in rustproof shelving so she could leave her shampoo in there and would not have to bend down to pick up the bottles, risking another fall."

"Well that made perfect sense given her history of accidents. And as strange as it may sound, that shows he's thinking ahead," Carlisle commented.

"I don't disagree. But he also had us put a grab bar by the toilet." That was a perfectly reasonable request, I sniffed, thinking of the statistical probability of falls in bathrooms suffered by women of her age.

"Again, we can explain that away with medical reasons, as Bella truly has balance issues, and I would have recommended the same measures be installed. Charlie and I are due for a serious chat about his daughter's health, particularly her balance. I think we can all agree that Edward's behavior of late has certainly been unusual and we will have to offer him all the love and support that we can. He clearly has strong feelings for Bella." My plan seemed to be working. My human's scent made my life complete. Therefore, she too, made my life complete. I suppose that meant I had strong feelings for my human. It was only logical.

Rosalie harumped. And looked away, and that irritated both my parents.

"Rosalie," Esme said, "I expect you to be respectful of Bella, because when you hurt her, you hurt your brother. He's been alone all these years. And he has finally found someone that he has fallen for utterly. Can you not see that he needs us now more than ever?" Rosalie looked down. I mentally crowed. My Mother was amazing.

"I'm sorry Mother." Carlisle's reproachful look made her even more embarrassed. Even better, I snidely thought. She's in trouble with both of them.

"Not as sorry as I am watching you behave spitefully with him. I raised you better. He's extremely shy and he's in love for the first time, and this has to be bewildering for him - even more so because he loves a human. And I expect both you and Jasper in particular to continue helping him." Esme looked at both with a motherly scowl. Rosalie seemed to shrink. Jasper's wore a shamed expression. Emmett then changed the subject so I stopped listening to watch my human beat Alice for the first game.

Alice had decided to not "cheat" and use her visions so she had genuinely lost the game, much to her delight. I could hear her heartbeat slowing, and my human's eyes were starting to droop. Alice stood from her chair mentally praying she would not lose her dinner, and went over to my singer's bed and turned down the covers. Susan came at our wave to help Bella out of her robe careful of her IV. Although it was against hospital policy Susan did not quarrel when I lifted my singer in my arms and carried her to the bed. She was already asleep the second her head hit my chest. I smiled when I heard her mumble, "Goodnight Dream Edward," and reach for my sweater as I lay her down. I found it even more amusing that knowing the history of the sweater she hadn't offered it back and had still slept with it all day. Because of my chivalrous nature, I let Alice use my human's private bathroom first to vomit.

After 24 hours without a fever, my singer was set to be released the next day. I voted to keep her hospitalized but Carlisle said that because more pneumonia and flu cases in the elderly had arrived the hospital needed the bed space. He seemed to find me unreasonable for arguing that my singer should have her own private room and the geriatric patients could be put side by side in the hallways with enough space for the staff to pass through. It had been good enough for me when I was a human I argued. Carlisle pointed out to me, quite accurately, that I had died in such conditions. He did have a point. My singer needed space to breathe germ free air. We should take her from the crowded hospital now that her immune system partially functioned. In her weakened state she could relapse. Considering how much work had to be put into renovating her home to make it barely habitable, unfortunately I had not had time to make the same adjustments to our house. With her Father out of town my parents obtained a temporary power of attorney to be able to have her under our care until he returned from Denver.

Carlisle had a conversation with my singer that afternoon that caught my attention.

"Hello Bella, how are you today?"

"Better," she wheezed.

"Your temperature is still normal I'm happy to report. It looks like we've managed to conquer the worst part of this illness. I'm very proud of you, my dear. We're going to release you tomorrow, but you are still not well enough to return to school."

"Thank you for taking such good care of me, Dr. Cullen," my singer stammered.

"I have arranged for a friend of mine who is a neurologist to come from Seattle to see you later on today."

"I don't know Dr. Cullen my insurance---"she tailed off in silence clearly embarrassed.

"I assure you this has already been arranged. For a 17 year old you seem awfully concerned about insurance coverage. Why is that?"

"My Mother had a car accident two years ago. I had to file the insurance papers for her because she found it too confusing. It took months to get them to listen to me to pay her bills."

"I see. That must have been very hard to handle at 15." My singer said nothing, "You clearly are a very strong and mature young lady. Any parent would be proud to have you for a child." He smiled. Carlisle wondered in his mind why she looked so sad as he left the room.

Her neurologist examined her MRI results and managed to get my singer to confess to a complex history of headaches and dizziness. He gave her two prescriptions that I agreed were medically necessary and one that I did not. We would not be using controversial medications that were not fully tested that would make her blood stink when they could be replaced by a more reliable brand that did not.

I arrived at the hospital the next morning to take her home. My boots squeaked against the polished floors of the hospital as I trod the now familiar path to her room on the third floor. Starched Shirt Edward was livid at my plan to kill the pets of Forks saying I had completely over-reacted about our human. "I am praying to St. Francis on your behalf, hoping that his love of animals will transfer to you."

"Of course I love animals - I drink their blood quite often," I couldn't help teasing him.

"Your plan was not only morally wrong, but worse, _inefficient_." He pointed his index finger and stabbed my chest several times. Well, he did have me there, I thought. Contumacious Coward. "You cannot go to such ridiculous lengths to protect our human. She is independent and will not like it. And she would weep if she knew you slaughtered animals in her name." He looked at me imperiously. How would she even know I was responsible for the pet eradication, I smugly thought. And who wanted to mimic Saint Francis anyway. I would look ridiculous with a tonsure wearing brown robes. "I'm leaving now," he taunted.

"Hallelujah!" I shouted at him. He pivoted on his foot and scrambled back face red in fury. "You know very well that word is forbidden to be uttered in the Lenten season as we only say it after Easter Sunday when the Blessed Lord has arisen."

"You're right. I do. And Hallelujah, it works like a charm on you. I should chant it more often." Starched Shirt Edward shouted "heretic!" and scrambled to his prayer bench to apologize to the Blessed Mother for our behavior. That should keep him occupied for a while.

My human's Father had arranged for her truck to be left in the hospital parking lot and the spare keys to be delivered to her by his secretary. I cursed my poor planning for having Rosalie return the truck to the house so quickly after repairing it. I arrived at my human's room as the nurses were helping her dress as she sounded mystified while looking at her new clothes. Alice had recently left after taking my sweater with her as well as her nightgown; get well cards, extra clothing, and robe so they would be at the house when we arrived. I smiled; thinking of the tremendous gift I gave her in allowing her to keep my sweater considering it was drenched with her scent. I could be generous in my own way.

Waiting outside her room I heard her exclaim about how pretty the clothing was and what wonderful taste Mrs. Cullen had and that she had never owned anything that fancy. Pleasing my human had become my new pastime. I could tell from her heart rate that simply putting on clothing had tired her. As she slowly walked out of the room, still weakened she looked surprised to find me sitting outside.

"Edward?" I stood trying not to loom over her tiny frame.

"Hello. That color of green looks magnificent on you." That earned a smile. I held out a spare full length raincoat of Esme's for my singer to don.

"What's this?"

"Last time I checked a fiendishly clever invention that prevents humans from getting soaked in a downpour. Try it. You might like it. The one I'm wearing works quite well I've found," I gave her a shy smile.

"But it's not mine." She sounded confused.

"Clearly I can't get anything past you. It's my Mother's. She has several and she sent me with this to make sure you did not catch a chill. I don't think she'll charge you interest for borrowing it for 15 minutes. And besides, should you not be wearing it when you exit the hospital I will doubtlessly be flayed alive by my irate parents. Have mercy on me, my queen." My face was the very picture of innocence.

I held it out with a flourish. She put her hand over her mouth and laughed, turned and presented me with her back as I slid the coat on each arm. Her hands were shaking as she tried to close it. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I carefully turned her around and closed the coat for her. Clearly she felt exhausted because she did not quarrel at my behavior. I did not want to embarrass her any further so I decided to distract her as I worked at the fastenings.

"I have your medication and discharge instructions." I held up a bag that hung from my wrist after I finished the last button on her raincoat. Wanting to give her some distance I stepped back a pace.

"I thought I would have some paperwork to complete." She glanced around confused.

"My Father has handled it since yours is still out of town. I believe he's already signed over your first borne child as is mandated by all hospital administrators upon release. I'm here to see you safely home. Although my Father is currently at home asleep he'll be stopping by later to see you."

"That won't be necessary. I feel ok." She did not look me in the eye as she told that falsehood.

She did look happy to see me as I smiled at her blushing face. "I've missed our chess games. Since I'm off from school today I thought I'd take you home and beat you senseless - in chess of course. I have to take advantage of you in your weakened state to save my wounded ego."

"You wish buster. I'm definitely up for a game," she tittered and started wheezing. She coughed and started doubling over as the mucus came up from her lungs. I helpfully held out a tissue for her to use. I had several packs in the pockets of my coat. As she coughed sputum into the tissue, I gently rubbed her back with one hand and literally held her up with the other. Although I don't think she was aware of my assistance, her being occupied with trying to breathe and all. When she finished she leaned weakly against me, her head against my chest. I kept a smooth expression when I heard her inhaling my scent. And I might have breathed on her five or six times in appreciation of her presence. And the possibility exists that I might have lovingly stroked her hair in the manner she preferred when delirious. Three times.

"Thank you, Edward. This coughing up stuff is disgusting."

"I know. But it's part of the healing process. You have to get that out of your lungs. It actually helps for me to pat you on the back like that. It creates suction. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be beating you regularly over the next few days." I smiled down at her and she giggled at my pun in to my chest. It delighted me that she did not move from my arms.

We heard someone clearing his throat impatiently, voice cracking in the process and both looked up simultaneously having been disturbed from our little world. I was alarmed that I had been so hyper-focused on her that I had not noticed the tiny toad squatting in front of us glowering and thinking like the proverbial wronged boyfriend who had caught the faithless girlfriend _in flagrante delicto_.

"Hi Bells." Jacob Black looked death daggers at me. I curled my lip at his tattered jeans and leather jacket and oil stained shirt. Who showed up to see a lady dressed in such a manner? I could smell a revolting combination of Doritos, onions, oil, and stale sweat coming from him. He had motor grease underneath his fingernails. There was no way I would permit her to touch that hand. God knows where it had been.

"It's Bella, Jake, and what are you doing here?" She sounded baffled as she turned in my arms to rest her head against my chest, leaning her back against me. I gave him a smug grin. I couldn't help it. My singer was touching me. Appropriately, I might add. I left my arms around her in a casual display just to incite him, rubbing her upper arm in a perfectly proper manner. My goodness it worked. I could hear his blood pressure rise. So of course I kept doing it.

"We heard you were ill and **they** weren't letting you have any visitors." He glared at me. I felt so terrified in that moment; I of course had to clutch my singer to me for comfort. And when did he become royalty with the "we?" His amusing thoughts imagined slaying me in public and wrenching her from my arms to be rewarded with a series of sloppy kisses. Even his fantasies were inept. Mike Newton was Voltaire compared to him in this regard. Besides he seemed to think a stake in my heart would work, I snorted.

"Highly contagious people don't get visitors, Jake." She talked to him like he was five years old and needed to have everything said slowly with small words. Twice. Patiently. This woman was a saint. Starched Shirt Edward agreed and said we should smack the insolent ruffian.

"Well, its good and all that you are ok, Bells. Man you look like warmed over dog shit. We'll have to get some chili in you to get some more meat on those bones. You're way too skinny." He laughed heartily. Jacob leered at her chest for an excessive amount of time. Since her chest was currently covered completely by my arms; not to mention my Mother's bulky coat, and he couldn't see anything, I decided not to kill him on the spot. She bristled against me. I patted her arm comfortingly.

Although the treaty prohibited me from slaying him there wasn't a clause preventing defenestration, I pondered, as I glanced longingly at the large plate glass windows. Falling from the third floor just might teach him manners. The room full of people in the area had stopped talking to watch the sideshow, "But there are more ways to make someone suffer that aren't covered by the treaty," Starched Shirt Edward advised. "The Holy Father has no problem with defending virtue against barbarians. And our little one is the apotheosis of virtue." He did have a point. "I have all sorts of research on the Spanish Inquisition we can use." Starched Shirt Edward offered eagerly a well-thumbed tome on the teachings of Tómas de Torquemada. My singer addressed the rogue so I did not answer Starched Shirt me.

"Gee. Thanks." My human said to the toad. Surely he could tell that he had offended her by her frosty tone of voice? I wanted to intervene, but he was doing all my work for me. He was so stupid he just might garrote himself for me if I played my cards right.

"Well let's go." He gestured impatiently at her, ignoring me with a commanding wave of his hand. He turned to swagger in the opposite direction, chest puffed out like a rooster, presenting his back to us. We watched Jacob for twenty-seven seconds in silence as he strutted across the lobby through gawping nurses and doctors and patients and visitors before it occurred to him that she was not following. I kept my arms around her the entire time preventing her from attacking him like a newborn. Someone had to have a sense of self-preservation for his life after all. Kidding. Not. She was seething.

Emitting a frustrated huff when he realized she was not walking three paces behind and to the left; he rotated and stomped back toward us. He brushed aside an irritated orthopedic surgeon in the process and stepped on the toes of an irate pregnant physician's assistant. Jacob resembled a toddler about to throw what Jasper called a "hissy fit" as shaking with rage; his proximity and lack of height forced him to crane his neck to look up at me. I gazed at him like he was a specimen of malodorous residue under a microscope. We now had the room's undivided attention. From their observation point near the elevators, Dr. Winters quietly bet Dr. King fifty dollars that I would get the girl.

"Bells, I don't have all day, I have to get back to school. You're coming with me." Jake snapped at a loud volume.

Lazily, I leaned down and kissed the top of her head whispering low enough for her ears alone "Do you like this human?" He looked about ready to explode as my lips touched her head. So of course, I kissed it again, and turned her around casually putting her head against my chest.

Imperceptibly she shook her head "no" looking up at me with ferocious eyes, whispering, "I'm plotting his demise. I don't think he'll be missed." Without even looking at him, at a louder volume she declared, "For the last time, my name is Bella. Only my Father calls me that nickname, so please stop using it. I barely even know you. I do not understand why you are here, and I'm not going anywhere with you." For her that was a speech considering its length. Then she started coughing again and leaned against me for support. I patted her back with the flat of my hand and stroked her hair with my other. Susan ran to us offering a glass of water which my human gratefully drank, thanking her graciously as I held her.

From reading his mind, our intimacy and her comfort with it seemed to be his breaking point. He did not like being told "no" in front of an audience, particularly a male one consisting of a bloodsucker that held the woman he believed to be his future wife in his arms. He had visions of me biting her here in the lobby and tearing at her clothes. Idiot. There were too many witnesses for any tearing of the clothes business to occur, much less biting. And I would never dream of touching my human inappropriately in public as he envisioned. In private, maybe - sans the biting - but public? What did he take me for a meretricious Casanova? The indignant nurses called the hospital security. Who knew supplying their chocolate addiction gave me minions? I decided to send them a month's supply in thanks for caring for my human. With her luck she could be back next week, I fretted.

Trying to make up for her reaction Jacob said in what he thought was a menacing tone, "I've been ordered by the tribal elders to bring you home. You can sleep on our couch, or bunk with me. But you're coming with me and that's final. You can help out around the house and keep an eye on Dad during the day to earn your keep." He seemed to believe that offering her the privilege of sleeping in his bed served as an inducement that would wrest her away from my side. Starched Shirt Edward was screaming in my ear to do something to protect our poor human's virtue from this uncouth beast and he was offended by the comments that he made about our human's figure and his wandering eyes. The Predator was growling that he wanted to tear out his throat and that maybe Mike could use a twin with a pair of broken legs and that the idiotic Quileute Elders were easily handled with a few chomps. I kept my face impassive and waited for my moment to strike, tilting my head to the side watching intently. She stayed in my arms leaning against me, her face pressed against my coat. I could see this exchange had exhausted her.

Jacob started to move towards my human impatiently and reached out with his spindly arm to grasp her shoulder with a grubby paw. He thought the presence of the audience would prevent me from reacting as he took what he believed to be rightfully his. Nobody grabbed my human. Her eyes widened and I could hear her heart rate increase as she started to look angry, glancing at him from over her shoulder. Now, I had the moral high ground. And from the minds of the security officers they gleefully decided that they were going to take an inordinate time to reach his side. One bet the other twenty bucks that I'd win. The other refused to take the bet I heard with inward glee.

"Hello Jacob Black. My name is Edward Cullen. I'm so happy to finally meet you. Our families go way back and I have not yet had the unique pleasure of making your acquaintance. We definitely should catch up at another time when Bella is not so ill." I intercepted his hand and shook it in a friendly manner using just enough force not to fracture his bones, keeping the other wrapped around my human protectively.

He squealed and pulled his hand back rubbing it with his other, examining and flexing it to detect damage_. "Jesus, he almost broke my hand_," Jacob mentally wailed. I thought it an opportune time for him to pray to the prophet of his choice. By the time I finished with him he was going to need it.

"Oh, my deepest apologies, did I hurt you there? I have to watch my strength sometimes." I oozed sincerity. I might have given him an innocent expression or two. "Bella has been released into my family's care as her Father is out of town. We have his legal permission. You can check with the head nurse right there." I pointed to Susan who nodded at Jacob agreeing with me. "I'd be delighted to have you examine the paperwork, although I warn you it's about as long as a treaty -and equally unbreakable." I wielded my most charming smile, showing my teeth. We now had an audience of fascinated nurses who all thought I should rip his head off for insulting my girlfriend. I quite agreed, although it would have been a little messy, not to mention would have ruined my human's new clothing with the blood spatter. But still. The pregnant physician's assistant that he stomped on looked like she wanted to help.

To test him, I growled at a frequency that humans could not hear. He did not notice. It seemed the wolf gene had skipped this fine specimen. Thank Heavens.

"She's a friend of the family and she's supposed to go with me." He barked.

"Not according to her Father. And as she has no Quileute blood running through her veins she does not fall under the legal authority of your tribe. My family and I are taking her to her house and plan on waiting on my girlfriend hand and foot like a queen until her Father returns to town. And we will not be requiring that she "earn her keep" as you curiously call it. Nor will we be making offensive comments about her appearance comparing her lovely features to animal excrement. Or force feeding her chili." Whatever that is. I made a note to look up chili once we reached my human's room. She had a dictionary there.

Although there were thirteen tribes that traditionally populated the Olympic Penunsula: Chehalis, Jamestown S'Klallam, Hoh, Lower Elwha Klallam, Nisqually, Makah, Port Gamble S'Klallam, Quileute, Quinault, Shoalwater Bay, Skokomish, Squaxin Island, and Suquamish - only the Quileute had ever posed a danger so none of the others knew our secret. I had never regretted more making that treaty as I looked down into the beady eyes of Jacob Black. Although I had to admit, having 12 other tribes turn into wolves would have been a trifle inconvenient, so I shouldn't complain too much.

I glanced lovingly down at my human and said, "Dearest, would you like to call your Father on my cell phone and ask him his wishes? He is expecting to hear from you today as is your Mother. We sent her flowers about an hour ago, by the way, in honor of her birthday to thank her for giving the world the treasure of your smile."

A ghost of a smile flittered across her face. Her lips twitched in mirth, "Flowers?"

"We sent her favorite arrangement of wildflowers like the one that you had delivered last year. Do you remember, my sweet?" Two of the nurses sighed. It had taken Jasper a few minutes to crack the FTD website, but since it was in the name of shaming a Quileute as seen by Alice, he was completely in on the plan. Right now he and Rosalie were downstairs enthusiastically disabling the young Mr. Black's car since he had so kindly parked away from the view of the security cameras. Rosalie wasn't so much helping my human as she loathed the tribe.

"That was so wonderful of you, Edward. I don't know what I would do without you here by my side. Let's call my parents after we get home. I'm really dying to talk to my Father right now. Jake, learn some manners and don't ever speak to me like that again." She looked irritated as well as tired now. I wanted to pulverize him like her dresser. Jacob seethed at being confronted in a public setting, and being rejected by his woman. Apparently no one ever told him "no" on the reservation. She needed to understand she was his, he complained in his thoughts. His Father said so.

"Have a nice day." I said in a sunny tone, keeping my arm around her waist as I ushered her out of the waiting room, holding her bag of medication to the mental cheers of the nurses. The glaring pregnant physician's assistant started clapping and the entire room joined in, much to my human's bemusement. Trailed by beaming security guards, Jacob stomped off in the opposite direction towards a bank of pay phones planning on calling his Father for directions now that their plan had failed. Starched Shirt Edward wanted me to say, "Jesus loves you, but we don't". I thought that made me sound insane so held my tongue, but told him to keep researching the Inquisition. He nodded fervently and ran off to our library.

"Thank you for that. I swear I barely know him and he acts like we have this deep friendship. He goes around telling everyone he's my best friend. It's creepy," Bella wheezed.

"I can handle anything he throws at me, my queen." I kept my tone mild. She rewarded me with a smile.

She had her car keys in her hand and held the wall with it as she walked down the lobby. I wondered what she could possibly be thinking, hating that I could not read her like every other ordinary human as we passed through the sliding glass doors of the hospital into the cold air.

The hospital's lot was rather small considering the building's size. Tremendous trees sprouted through the lot in awkward places like unexpected mushrooms after a rain, making it difficult to find your car if you weren't a vampire at times. When we reached the parking lot she said, "Thanks for meeting me. I have my truck so I'll be fine from here." Her truck was on the far end of the lot. I doubted she could even make it half the distance walking in her current state.

"That's nice. Although you look glorious, you really aren't in the physical shape to drive, particularly if you start coughing. We'll have your truck moved. I'm going to be driving you home."

"I can do it." The sky opened up on us as she uttered those words. My hair and hers quickly became soaked.

I had to actually take my frail singer by the arm and lead her like a recalcitrant mule to the passenger side of my Volvo as it poured. I castigated myself for forgetting an umbrella as I never used them. When she refused to move, with a smoldering look I pulled the hood up on her coat over her wet hair and said, "Bella, you have three choices. You can get in the car of your own free will, or I can carry you, or you can deal with Jacob who is about 100 yards away and closing fast. Standing here in the rain is not helping your pneumonia or your asthma." Exhaling on her was underhanded in her weakened state. So I did it three times, just because she was being stubborn. When I mentioned the troll's name I knew I had her then. I tried not to jump as every time I placed my hands on her I felt the same electrical current. She couldn't help if her brain made her skin crackle when we touched. I'd overlook the unusual feelings it aroused to continue to be around her. And there were no words to describe the sensation of recovering a lost memory at her hand, which of course explained why I tried to find every excuse I could to touch her and still be proper. I was blanking out the improper inadvertent venom leakage from my mind as I still hadn't found a way to understand how _that_ had occurred.

She stood at the passenger door in the downpour looking adorable, I thought, with a start. Ever so slowly, I leaned forward putting my lips against her left ear and in a loud enough voice to reach Jacob purred, "If you are that eager to wrap yourself around me again in order to have me hold you, since I am a gentleman you have only to ask." I pulled back grazing her cheek with my nose as she shivered and gave her astonished face a wicked grin. I leaned forward so that from Jacob's angle it looked like we were kissing making our foreheads touch with my hands on either side of her rain hood my thumbs caressing her cheeks. Her heart beat accelerated and her face flushed as she bit her lower lip. Jacob Black's mind nearly melted at the sight of a leech leaning over what he considered to be his property. What bothered him even more was the thought that she looked like she was perfectly comfortable in my arms. I found it curious he didn't fear for her life. He simply feared losing her from his control. Odd since she wasn't in his control and never had been. How peculiar his mind worked.

She froze for a moment and looked me in the eyes. I whispered, "If you want your toad-like Quileute suitor to leave you be then you're going to have to play along with me. I'm trying to make it look convincing for our scowling audience so he'll get the hint to leave you alone. Unless you prefer his attention?"

With a gleam in her eye she lunged at me and threw her arms around my neck causing me to swallow a mouthful of venom and work to look calm as I lifted her up in the air swinging her around in my arms as if we hadn't a care in the world. "Is this ok?" she whispered, sounding unsure. And nervous. I had never been this close to a human girl. I probably was more nervous than she was.

"I can guarantee you he's plotting my murder as we speak. How I shall sleep at night I'll never know." I put her on the ground and touched our foreheads to one another bumping noses. Stepping back I took both her hands that were linked around the back of my neck in my own and while meeting her eyes with a melting gaze slowly removed them kissing the raindrops off each one individually like a gentleman would. I laughed and whispered through a smile for her ears alone, "Get in the car he's closing fast like a drunken boar. That should give him something to fume about. Alas," I tsked, "you're not in any shape for me to kiss you enough to drive him truly insane." She gulped then.

As my words sunk in she squeaked and all but leapt for the car as I opened the door with a flourish. I wondered for half a second if she remembered what had happened in her bedroom because she flushed bright red when I kissed her hands. With the rain showering her, she flumped into her seat sending cold drops throughout the car, and latched her seat belt. Making sure to act as casual as possible I walked just under vampire speed to my side of the car in the crowded parking lot knowing it would frighten her Quileute Sulker, quite effectively, I might add. Casually, I sat in the driver's seat shutting the door and fastening my seat belt. Unfortunately, I barely missed him as I backed out of the parking space, forcing him to yelp and leap out of the way. Drat. He would have made a divine hood ornament. I would have been the envy of my entire family.

I tried not to turn around and rush her back inside the hospital when she started coughing; reminding myself she was on the tail end of pneumonia and had to cough up the congestion in her lungs. I leaned over solicitously and rubbed her back. Once she had her breath back she nodded weakly at me and leaned her head back closing her eyes. I could not help it as my arm slid from behind her back gently caressing the back of her wet head with my hand like I had when she called me Dream Edward. Snatching my arm back I started the car and drove from the lot.

Jacob stood stock still wondering how his wife slipped through his grasp into the hands of a leech, "She's even leaping into his car she's so happy to be with him," he mentally wailed. This image did not mesh with Jacob's worldview of his master plan with my human. Another Moron. The only genuine fault I had ever discovered in my singer thus far was this: my poor human was a moron magnet. I couldn't help it if Jacob Black thought I looked at her like I planned on tearing her clothes off the second we entered her house. I also couldn't help it if he thought she looked at me like she just might let me. Seriously. She had pneumonia. What kind of idiot would put someone through that even if she was willing? And conscious. Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder and told me to be silent and drive while he prayed to the Blessed Mother for the health of our human who looked lovely in the sweater we picked out for her with a gimlet-eye.

"I am so sorry about Jacob." She looked furious.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, the fault is entirely his." I soothed. We fell into an uncomfortable silence.

It took a moment for me to collect myself and I acted unaffected though I tried to not look directly at her certain my eyes had darkened to pitch as the heater blew on her magnifying her scent. I had hunted this morning, but for some reason the bloodlust was calling. I turned up the heat in the car to keep her warm. Her smell within the confines of the car, magnified exponentially by the rain and the heater, made the situation uncomfortable so I immediately stopped breathing hoping she wouldn't notice. To distract myself, gulping down mouthfuls of venom, I attempted to carry on a conversation with her while struggling to not reach over and caress her lovely neck with my teeth.

"Your Father is still at his conference." I said desperate for something to say beyond, "How did you end up being stalked by an imbecile like Jacob Black?"

"Is your Father communicating with him often?" She asked with her eyes closed.

"They chat twice a day, and my Father also calls your Mother to give her updates. Carlisle has also called Harry Clearwater every day. A lot has happened while you were sick."

"Enlighten me, please."

My inner predator was shouting we should kill her now and run for the hills. I only just managed to restrain myself from pulling the car to the side of the road yanking her close against me and burying my face and my fingers in her gorgeous thick wet hair as her scent wafted around me. I wanted to moan in pleasure and knew doing that would definitely be inappropriate.

"Well for starters you, Seth, and Leah have all been sick although all of you have recovered. Three more member of the tribe have come down with the same rare strain of pneumonia. Then, Forks suffered its first ever seismic event that blasted through your neighborhood, shattering glass in every house on every street for a mile but leaving the houses untouched structurally. It was odd." She had no idea how odd. I hoped.

"What happened to my Dad's house? Was it damaged?"

"I'm afraid so, but it's repaired now. The windows had been blasted out by the force of the tremors and it rained heavily while we were busy with you at the hospital. So many things ended up getting wet and needed replacing. We felt so bad that it didn't occur to us to send someone to fix your house when it rained that we had it repaired while you were in the hospital."

"Wow! Seriously?" She opened her eyes startled.

"Seriously." I gritted. I was seriously trying to not kill her. And it was seriously challenging at present.

"Your family is amazing." She had no idea the truth of those words, "Thank you so much. Does my Father know?"

"Yes, he does."

"He's kept the exact same décor since before he married my Mother. Most of the furniture belonged to my Grandparents. He inherited the house from them," she mused.

"Speaking of talking to your Father, mine promised him that you would be under our care while he was out of town. So one of us is going to be with you at all times until your Father returns. We thought you would be more comfortable at your house rather than ours since you are sick." And the fact that having you living with six other vampires could get you killed, I added as a mental afterthought. If I didn't get you first.

"You don't have to go to that much effort." She blushed. "I can manage."

"We promised and we will keep our word. Besides, you can barely walk a straight line at present. It would be unethical to leave you to yourself alone in the house. My Father will be stopping by every day to examine you as well. And Alice, Mother, Jasper, Emmett and I will be taking turns staying at night to make sure that you are well." I hoped she did not notice that I left out Rosalie's name. I couldn't inflict Rosalie on my human in her weakened state. Even I wasn't that cruel.

"Um, wow." She seemed completely flustered.

Flooring the accelerator, I vowed that I had to get her home as quickly as possible. I managed to get her out of my car, and escorted her inside the house with her bag of medication, clutching a bag that contained several plastic sacks of blood.

As I unlocked the door with the spare key which now was on a keyring for her, my human gasped in astonishment at the new décor of the living room. "Your Mom has turned it into guy heaven."

I didn't tell her that we made sure we used leather sofas because they are more resistant to dust mites. Nor did I explain that the wooden plantation shutters and new lined drapes were also put up to keep the house warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

"My Father is seriously going to love this," she smiled.

Her hair was soaked from the rain and she started shivering with the transition of moving from the cold outdoors to the warm inside. She started to cough, bending over at the waist hands on her knees. I stopped breathing to be able to keep from killing her, shutting my eyes, praying for strength.

While her back was turned, I consumed a bag of blood at vampire speed, turning away from her, desperate to keep her alive. It took the edge off enough so I could function as I stuffed the empty sack into my pocket.

"I think you might feel better if you take a hot shower. It'll help your lungs." And it will keep you occupied so I can finish my snack. It took effort to hide my shaking hands as I took my Mother's wet coat off of her, and hanged it on the coat rack by the front door.

"Good idea," she croaked. Her coloring seemed off.

I lifted her and carried her up the stairs as she wheezed, "I can walk."

"Yes, you could but you're cold and me carrying you up the stairs is more efficient at present; not to mention, safer." I deposited her at the bathroom door. Mary Alice had moved her kit that she usually took with her at night to the bathroom counter and had left out clean towels.

"I'll be waiting in your room."

"It's just a shower, Edward. I can do it without killing myself." She leaned against the doorway.

"Do you remember falling the day we found you?"

"I fell?"

"In the shower. You hit your head on the tub."

"No, I don't remember it." A cautious expression crossed her face.

Delicately tracing her forehead with my index finger I stressed, "You had a large bruise on your forehead right here. I thought someone had beat you when I first found you, and was looking for an intruder to tear apart. You told me you fell in the shower and hit your head about an hour before I arrived. I do not know how you made it to your bedroom from the shower that morning. So yes, I am understandably cautious about you and the shower having a round two. At present my money is on the shower as the victor. Tread carefully."

We had installed slip resistant strips on the bottom of the tub as well as grab bars for my human to ensure she could step in and out of the shower without falling. My Mother had left out one of her new clean nightgowns and her robe with undergarments for her to change into.

"Who did this?"

"My Mother. She insisted that you get into bed the second I get you home. She's going to be here later to bring you food. Have mercy on my poor soul. She's a force of Nature."

Bella's eyes widened. She stepped into the bathroom, lifted a plush new towel, and turned and offered it to me.

"For your hair. It's soaked," she explained. Touched, I took the towel from her with a smile.

Without a word she turned and shut the bathroom door. I heard the click of the lock smirking to myself that should the need arise; I could tear the door down with a flick of my index finger. She didn't need to know that though. Let her feel safe. For now. I took out hidden bags of blood I had carried in with me, and gulped down three of them. That was a close call. I ran back to the car and left the empty bags in a hidden compartment. It would have been difficult explaining them had she discovered them in her trash. Rinsing my mouth in her kitchen sink, I made sure I rid my mouth of the scent of blood. I dashed back to her room. With a satisfied smirk I noticed Mary Alice had left my now infamous sweater under my dear little one's pillow.

While she bathed I listened with one ear, using the towel at vampire speed to dry my hair until it was slightly damp. I folded it and placed it on the floor. I moved to the hallway as I heard her dress. She opened the door nine minutes later leaning weakly against the doorway. She wore the forest green nightgown with the robe firmly tied at her waist. I could tell by her scent that she had washed her hair and she had a large bath towel around her shoulders.

Rolling my eyes, I lifted her into my arms and carried her to her bed. Her hair was dripping wet and she looked too exhausted to care. For once, she did not protest when I took her in my arms.

"You are going to give yourself a relapse if you aren't careful," I chided.

Slipping off my loafers I sat down on the bed with her in front of me resting against my chest. I took the dry bath towel from her shoulders and worked the moisture out of her hair, not wanting her to catch a chill.

"I had hoped this would cheer you up and make you feel better," I said awkwardly from behind her, reaching down to my left and holding up a large gift bag.

"What's this?"

"Call it an 'I really hope you feel better soon' gift?"

She reached inside the large bag and pulled out a teddy bear. It was the one from the attic that I'd had Mother professionally steam clean to rid it of dust mites. She had restuffed it with hypoallergenic filler.

"How did you know?" she whispered in a pained voice, shaking.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I lost this when I stayed with my Father when I was a four. I screamed for two days. I can still remember being scared."

"Heavens! That must have been terrible." I panicked as her voice cracked.

"This was one of three that my Grandmother had bought me, and it was my favorite. I named him Teddy - highly creative of me at the time. My Grandma told me that the necklace here," she unzipped a hidden pouch in his back taking out a ornate tarnished silver chain with a jade pendant dangling from it, "would be mine when I grew up. She made me promise not to tell my Mother or Father and said it was our secret." She had a tear running down her face and her hands shook.

I completely panicked. "I found it in your attic when we were fixing your house and had it restored. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm so sorry."

She leaned against me and said, "No you didn't upset me."

"But I made you cry?" I said in an anguished whisper.

"Sometimes people cry because they're happy Edward. This is one of those times."

"Oh. So that's a good thing?"

"That's an excellent thing. Thank you. This has to be, by far, the most thoughtful kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. It's like you gave me back a precious part of my childhood. And you and your family have done many thoughtful and kind things for me. I don't deserve to have you in my life." She clutched the toy to her chest and squeezed my hand. I think that's the longest I've heard her talk since she fell ill. How wonderful her voice sounded against my ear.

"I beg to differ. It's the other way around," I needed to change the subject, "How long does it normally take your hair to dry?"

"Hours" she muttered. "Could you please put the necklace on me?"

"Of course." I moved her hair aside and latched the chain and pendant around her neck. I'd examine it later when she slept. And I'd definitely have it cleaned. The pendant was awfully cool to the touch, but it didn't seem to bother her.

She sounded like my ministrations on her hair were relaxing her. With a sigh she said, "I'm just tired of being tired. Even coughing wears me out. I'm not used to feeling this way."

"Being ill is not a good feeling. It's only natural that your mind rebels. How is your head?" I soothed.

Now she appeared self-conscious and hunched her shoulders, "It hurts a little bit. I feel guilty complaining because I know there are people far sicker than I still in the hospital."

I had to admit she did make the perfect patient. This was the only time she had complained while lucid. I took some of her pain medication from her desk and gave her a dose, handing her a glass of water. She took her pills without complaint indicating to me that her head must really hurt.

"And you were one of them. You had a fever of 104 when I found you and had it gone any higher you would have had convulsions. There's no shame in admitting weakness." Not that I would admit any, but she shouldn't suffer like this.

"I know how lucky I am that you all found me. Have I thanked you for that by the way?" she gave a sleepy smile. "Edward, how did you know?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand the question."

"What made you come to the house? You've never come before." That you know of, I thought. Now I had to be careful.

"We had a lab due that day. And you are never late to school."

"So?"

"Well, I became concerned and called your house. Alice and I invented excuses and came by to check on you. I just had a feeling something was wrong, call it a sixth sense, if you will." That actually was the truth for once. This honesty thing occasionally was refreshing.

She must really be exhausted because she suddenly changed the subject, "Do you know if Seth and Leah have been released? They aren't answering their home phone. I tried several times earlier from the hospital. They don't own cell phones. Or an answering machine."

No wonder her Father and Mr. Clearwater were such good friends. They communicated alike with a similar level of inefficiency. The Clearwaters did not discover our involvement in their children's healing until after their children's fever had broken. We received a grudging message of thanks from the elders this morning. Father mildly replied to Mr. Clearwater who had called him that he was in the business of saving lives, not taking them, and that of course he was delighted to help the Quileute tribe at any occasion. He told me later that clearly the elder suspected some sort of malfeasance on our part. I thanked goodness the wolf gene had died out in them. Goodness only knows what chaos would result if they became armed and stupid.

"I believe Seth and Leah will most likely be out in a few days. They are still in the hospital at Port Angeles."

"Are they that bad?" She sounded concerned.

"Father says that they were not put on the same antibiotic regimen as you until a few days ago. It is going to take them a bit longer to recover, but they are much, much better. I know how important they are to you, so I had flowers sent to Leah on your behalf."

"Oh my, Edward, that was so sweet of you. Thank you." She looked misty-eyed for a moment, and I panicked. When she cried it made my chest hurt for some odd reason. I couldn't understand that reaction to her human tears, "I wish I could go visit them, but right now I'm too tired. Even for chess."

"The sooner you get rest, the sooner you can see them. And we'll have plenty of time to play chess."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Did you really send flowers to my Mother?"

"Of course. I signed your name to the card."

"How did you know?"

"That would be telling," I smirked.

Do I want to know why I have a new mattress set, pillow, glorious feeling sheets and computer?"

"That pesky horizontal rain struck in here as well, it looked like a tornado hit your room. You really wouldn't have believed your eyes. And in the universe's grand sense of humor your wretched book Wuthering Heights escaped unscathed."

"Don't blame me that you have bad taste," she sounded disgruntled, but I could tell her eyes danced.

"Ah, but I contend I have excellent taste. Exceptional, actually."

"Did the horizontal rain strike in the bathroom as well?"

"Naturally, as it has a window in it."

"Did it attack the tub, the walls, the tile and the linen closet?"

"You wouldn't believe the extent of the damage it did."

She narrowed her eyes at me. I continued into the breach of disbelief, "Truly. The tub we personally altered so you would not slip in it because you scared the living daylights out of me when I found you. And my family has a current fascination with linens and had an overabundance on our hands. You would be doing me a remarkable favor in accepting them."

"Why the grab bars?"

"Bella, I know about your brain injury. I was outside the room when my Father talked to you." She flushed and I started to panic, "And we could not bear the idea of you falling if there was something we could do to assist you."

She said nothing. The predator suggested, "Tell her about Emmett." Right. Good idea.

I don't know if you know this but Emmett came to our family with a severe case of traumatic brain injury," inflicted by a Grizzly bear and killing him, but that was essentially the truth. "So my family is very familiar with the condition and I want you to know that it does not matter to me. I care for Emmett just like all my other siblings. I still see you for who you are."

She said nothing but smiled. That's my girl. I mean, my human.

"We should call your parents." I pulled out my cell phone. Desperate to change the subject. Drat, not a good one to mention.

"I'm too mad at them right now to even speak," she whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"They let me grow up thinking I'm a freak of nature. They let me think it was my fault for being clumsy. If I had known about my injury, I could have gone to doctors to see if it could be corrected, or at least tried to do things to keep from getting hurt." Oh dear, she was crying again.

"Why don't I have my Father call your Father?" she nodded, sniffing, as I handed her another tissue.

"I'm sorry for crying on you. I seem to do it quite often these days. It's pathetic."

"I think you had good reason, my queen, and I am humbled to be here for you." I whispered to her, stroking her hair.

She fell asleep against my chest as I worked drying her hair with the towel. My genius Mother had left another large towel on her nearby desk chair, so when the first one became soaked, I switched it with the dry one and continued pressing the water from her tresses. To make sure she did not have an asthma attack and choke to death, I decided it would be better for me to supervise her sleeping and it was equally important that I be nearby with her nebulizer, my epinephrine pens and inhalers ready at the first gasp lined up like soldiers on her desk.

I told myself I was just looking out for her having come so close to nearly losing her scent when she fell ill. This was protecting my human. This was moral. This meant I needed, for moral purposes only, to stay in bed with her at her side.

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "Unless you want to take out another mile of Forks, you should move her body away from our nether regions!" Spoil sport. He stipulated, "We can lay by her side so long as we comport ourselves in a gentlemanly manner because our dear little one is so fragile and needs us."

I tuned him out as he insisted that we should put her under the covers of her bed so she would be warm, and keep our deviant hands to ourselves. And we needed not to be under the sheets with her. He did have a point.

Knowing she'd sleep through it, I lifted her off of me, removed her robe from her, and shifted her back under the covers. She couldn't sleep in her bulky robe, I reasoned. And her nightgown was modest. And I was a doctor. Twice. Professional.

I stayed on top of the covers leaning against the headboard stroking her hair. She muttered in her sleep about Dream Edward being wonderful and taking good care of her and grabbed my free hand against her face putting it between her cheek and her pillow. I smiled as I looked at my human cupping her cheek with one hand and caressing her hair with the other. I would give anything, I thought, trying not to cry, even the last remnants of my soul, for Dream Edward to really be me. It truly did not inconvenience me to stay in that position for three hours. After all, my little one needed her rest.

* * *

**This is the inspiration for Bella's pendant, just pretend it has a green stone and is silver. You can find it as the Cloisters at the Met:**

http://www (dot) metmuseum (dot) org/Works_of_Art/collection_database/the_cloisters/star_shaped_brooch_with_intaglio/objectview (dot) aspx?OID=70009906&collID=7&dd1=7

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward takes it upon himself to organize his singer's life for her well-being. Seriously. Any reasonable vampire would do so for his singer. Right? He decides to play the vampire version of Extreme Makeover with her father's house. Alice and Edward have dinner with Bella at the hospital. Edward has an interesting theory about chocolate. Edward spies on - I mean monitors - his family while they discuss his recent behavior. His plan is working well, he crows.**

**Edward takes Bella home from the hospital - and has to deal with Jacob Black - in front of God and country. Jacob claims he's taking Bella back to his place under orders from the tribe. Jacob gets schooled. Edward 1 Jacob 0.**

**Bella nearly becomes a snack on the way home from the hospital. Edward shows her the newly remodeled Swan residence. Edward gives Bella a gift - an old toy of hers that he found and had cleaned. She finds a necklace in it and asks him to put it on her. Bella refuses to speak to her parents. Teenagers.**

**Characterization Comment: Edward is still living in his own delusion but making baby steps. :) Notice the little sentimental things he's doing for her. Also, remember this is the Edward who desperately fears his family will ask him to leave so he has been quiet and shy and has asked for NOTHING for 70+ years. Now all of a sudden he's talking, he's asking them for help, he's even giving orders to a few of them. His family is stunned. And Edward is, if he stopped to think about it, putting Bella's needs above his own by even asking his family for help. **

**Dream Edward is feeling lonely. He asks that you review :)**


	19. HOD pt 8 Something Fetid This Way Blows

**This chapter goes out to Fantasy Mother - she knows why.**

**Many thanks to vjgm for validating me.**

**Many thanks to Oxymoronic8 author of Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary ****for her assistance with torturing Jacob. If you liked that scene give her credit. And check out her story if you get the chance.**

******Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!**

**I should warn you that this chapter does contain violent content.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. Sister Claire, Starched Shirt Edward, Hezekiah, and the Predator are mine. So There.**

**I titled this chapter "Something fetid this way blows" to make fun of the fact that the wolves and the vampires literally can't stand the smell of one another. Did you ever wonder why Jacob was so determined to stop Edward and Bella? I did. Here's the beginning of how I see it from my AU point of view.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Eight: Something Fetid This Way Blows - Vendetta**

"Edward....stay...safe...queen...chocolate"

Soundly asleep, my dear little one turned over, now facing the window and moved across the bed so that she rested her back against my side. My left arm now encircled her shoulders with my hand resting on her collarbone, covered by her own. For a human she held tightly to it although I knew she lay in a deep state of slumber. My right hand stroked her thick hair as it slowly dried. Her fragrance, back to it normal levels, had me in a blissed state. I found an unusual sensation running through my body when I heard her say my name in that particular tone with the hint of a smile on her face. And her words only underscored that she, like all women, was a chocolate addict and the cake had been a resounding success. Not that I would ever let her near chocolate again. But still. I was so much better for her than a common Hershey's bar. Considerate too.

"Charlie Denver Paula," I wondered now what that could possibly mean. In my observation of her life I had not met a friend named Paula. There was that human girl Paula Johnson, but she and Bella never spoke and only had one class together. Her tone of voice sounded like this bothered her and I fretted over how to help her with our life. After all, her pain was mine, from a purely scentantic point of view.

Starched Shirt Edward surprisingly did not protest saying, "Our dear one seems to need us in her weakened state, we should sing songs to her like "Let all mortal flesh keep silence" or one of the Psalms." His questionable taste in religious hymns aside, I explained to him that we could not risk awakening her and asked that he offer prayers to whatever saint had perished from lung ailments in her name. He loved the idea and marched away with a determined glint toward the library of hagiographies we kept on the lives of the saints. He returned bouncing up and down in his enthusiasm like an overgrown puppy, clutching a dusty tome. "I have two we can use. Saint Camillus is the patron saint of doctors and the sick. That way we pray for both us and her. And Saint Bernadette is the patron saint of those who suffer from asthma. We should get her a medallion or two, along with a Miraculous Medallion to the Blessed Mother. It might bring her comfort." Our singer's next words distracted us both.

"Jake. Creep." That brought a beatific smile to my face and a smirk to Starched Shirt Edward's features. Turgid Toad. I still had my little one, who spoke highly of me while both conscious and unconscious. He could go swallow mud. I knew that Jacob would return and I'd have to decisively address the matter. "Keep researching the Inquisition. I may have need of it soon." Starched Shirt Edward grinned, tucked the book under his arm, and scurried off to read more, grumbling it was too bad the rack was no longer permitted on heathens.

As I gazed upon the lovely visage of my sleeping singer, caressing her hair while she snuggled against me, I thought of how much things had changed. Every so often she would whisper something like, "Dream Edward please stay," or "Dream Edward hold my hand," in a soft voice that made my chest ache. Today's encounter in the hospital gave me the chance to touch her in public in a manner that previously I had only fantasized could occur. Even better, I had the moral high ground as I acted to protect her from her Quileute Sulker the Toad. The Predator carefully cleared his throat as I looked at him in annoyance, "Just thought I would suggest you call him Quasimodo. It's more apt. And can I get a name sometime soon? I have needs. 'The Predator' is just so generic," Rolling his eyes he made air quotations around the words, "the Predator." Well he did have a point. Quasimodo did fit Jacob Black, considering Jacob had a prominent mole over his left eye and slumped. His face today as rage crossed it made me think back to another member of the Quileute tribe to whom he bore a resemblance: one I sincerely hoped he did not share a genetic connection as I thought of my family's tangled past with the Quileute tribe. Jacob Black's incipient vendetta only served to underscore regrets from deeds committed long ago.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and I had lived in the area at Hoquiam in 1936. While hunting one day in the green wilds of the Olympic Peninsula, we had encountered a faint, but putrid smell. Identifying the odor proved contentious. Emmett had commented he thought it must be a rotting animal sprayed by several skunks. Rosalie had insisted it a more apt description to label the aroma a family of rotting skunks covered in cow excrement. I cared not who uttered the most precise description, as my siblings sounded like humans sniping about the bouquet of a French wine. I hadn't consumed any blood yet; and as the direction of the wind changed found myself nauseated with burning eyes from the increasingly fetid stench. Even though my throat ached with thirst, the very idea of feeding repelled me.

We turned in alarm at my Mother's moan as she doubled over and vomited the blood she had recently consumed, much to Carlisle's concern. Patting her back, he said, "Sweetheart is the smell bothering you, too?" She nodded as I offered her some water from my canteen to rinse out her mouth. We always carried them on our excursions to pretend to be human. Emmett declared, "Anything that smells so bad it makes Mom sick needs to be wiped off the face of the earth." We all stopped breathing except Emmett who had a cast iron stomach.

"Let's not be hasty, Emmett. It might be good to find out what it is so we can simply avoid it in the future," Mother gently admonished shaking her finger at him.

Eyes downcast, Emmett scraped the toe of his boot in the dirt as she lectured, reminding me of a small human child being disciplined. He really did come across at times like an overgrown 7-year-old. His skull had been crushed by the bear when Rosalie had found Emmett last year, and wild-eyed had carried him home begging Father to change him. I wondered if his impulsivity stemmed from the mauling by the bear that had brought him to us in the first place, or if he had always been that way. His eyes had only recently faded from newborn red to topaz, and his newborn year had been a challenge due to his amazing physical strength combined with his volatility. Fortunately for us both were surpassed by his immediate love for all of us and particularly, Rosalie. As he and Rosalie had recently married they were extremely protective of one another.

"Dearest, if you feel strong enough, we'll continue," Carlisle kissed Esme's forehead, pulling her into an embrace. His thoughts were torn between finding the source or taking her home to regain her strength. Vampires rarely vomited blood, he worried. He did not know how long they should wait before trying to drink again. She nodded "yes" into his shoulder as he ran his hand tenderly through her brown hair.

"Children, we'll find this animal, as unpleasant as it might be, in order to rule it out as a threat. If we encounter deer along the way, we'll take our water canteens, empty one or two and collect blood for your mother to drink when she feels better." His plan made sense as they always did, I marveled. It had only been five years since my shamed return from Chicago, although my siblings, being newer additions to the family did not know. Given that they had other children now, I was so lucky my parents kept me. I needed to keep proving why they should.

So we found ourselves following a winding trail crossing rivers and climbing into the mountains. The trees in this part of the forest dimmed the light due to the thick green canopy of leaves protecting us from what little sun shone from the grey sky. I could hear that the source was a human from far away who faded in an out of consciousness. My mouth remained sealed as I did not want to reveal my range had been increasing. Besides, humans couldn't hurt us, and this one clearly had sustained injury of some sort, so I felt justified. Emmett possessed uncanny skills at tracking, not to mention amazing strength for a vampire. Since we stalked one injured foul-smelling human in the increasing fog my silence did not slow or endanger us. As we came around the side of a mountain what we found stunned the family. Following the stench revealed a lone black creature, even larger than a tall horse. It appeared to be a wolf that snarled when surrounded by us. A large boulder had fallen on him trapping his leg and he had hit his head when falling, which explained why I had not been able to hear him for periods. Something about the eyes caught my attention - the thoughts even more.

"How did I, Ephraim Black, end up covered in fur? With claws? Either I'm very drunk or our legends really were true. Heavens to Betsy what's that smell? Those people look like cold ones but their eyes are different."

I couldn't help but smirk. I liked his sense of humor, but I could tell he was also frightened as he saw us. I whispered to my family at vampire frequency in Greek,

"His mind is human. He's scared and confused. We stink to him. His name is Ephraim Black."

"That is strange indeed. Can you tell me more Edward?" my Father asked mentally. He thought to himself with amazement that this was the first time I had spoken in three months and he wanted to encourage me with my shyness.

"He calls us the cold ones and mentions legends about us. Our eye color confuses him, and apparently we smell disgusting." I think that was the most I had talked in a year. I could tell the rest of my family was amazed I spoke. Esme looked like she wanted to weep, but her thoughts were happy. Curious. My head turned as I perceived the next thought from the beast before us.

Oh what in God's name? The cold ones pick now to show up? What did I do to make God that angry? Their eyes aren't red...and they speak a strange language."

It only took seconds to read his racing mind. His thoughts showed that he had changed suddenly into a wolf after an argument with a friend. He had stormed away from the friend into the forest and had felt this terrifying pain and had shifted into a wolf. Mindless with horror, he had run far into the forest on ungainly legs thinking if he ran fast enough he would wake up from his nightmare. As he ran he had stumbled on his newborn legs, falling often, only to rise again and lurch in a different direction. His leg had been pinned under a heavy rock that had shifted when he had fallen against it causing a rock slide. He had heard two voices of members of his tribe in his mind but had ignored them, thinking he was hallucinating as they begged him to return. From his mind I could tell he had yet to figure out how to use his new body and was terrified he would never return to human form. He thought lovingly of his pregnant wife Evelyn. He was in the process of valiantly attempting to move the boulder when he disappeared in a blinding flash of green light that hurt our eyes.

Emmett had lunged for him as the verdant blaze appeared fearing a threat to our family and ended up grabbing the boulder instead. We all literally froze in place, my brother included, as we took in the quivering naked form of the giant man. With tan skin and bright eyes, the fierce intelligence of his face made him stand apart from other humans. Although terrified and struggled to remain calm. Rosalie and Esme averted their eyes out of consideration.

Edward can he hear us at vampire frequency? My Father asked in his thoughts.

I nodded.

"We mean you no harm, Ephraim. My name is Carlisle Cullen; this is my wife Esme, and our children Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie." He said at vampire pitch.

"How do you know my name? Why are we whispering? Aren't you going to kill me?" Ephraim appeared mystified. I admired him in that moment. He was different from any of the humans I had killed while facing what he believed was his mortal death.

"We read your mind. We feed from animals, not people. That is why all our eyes are topaz in color. And we are whispering in case humans come nearby. We don't want to call attention to you any more than you do to us." My Father said. "I am a doctor and your leg and head appear to need attending. I am going to pull you from under the boulder. I mean you no harm." He approached the shaking man with outstretched hands and a soothing tone.

"But you are a vampire, I can tell. Why would you care?"

"We refuse to drink from humans as we respect human life. But our laws require we not tell outsiders. Since you are one, I think we'll side-step that rule by crafting a treaty with you and your people." My father explained as he lifted Ephraim and carried him a few feet to lay him on the ground. He carefully probed Ephraim's head asking him, "Does it hurt right here?"

"Yes, I don't know how I hit it." He felt wonder he still lived. I did not think we should tell him we'd starve before any of us ever attempted to partake of the putridness of his blood. Somehow it seemed rude.

"You will be dizzy for a few days I expect. Are you nauseous?"

"Yes, but my body aches all over."

"I suspect that is not from your fall so much as from the transition from human to wolf. I hope that it will become easier with time."

"With time? You mean I could do this again? Have you ever seen my kind before?" His voice rose in alarm. He feared harming his tribe and, more particularly, his family.

"I've seen something similar in Europe but they are much larger, completely irrational regardless of form, and controlled by the phases of the moon. I think you are unique. We will do our best to help you understand your condition and cope with it. I'm sure this must have been very frightening for you and am impressed with your bravery." My father's sincerity shone through his eyes.

"And besides scaring the blazes out of the community, who would care if I did tell that you were vampires, purely for curiosity's sake?" His mind raced.

"In our world we have a group of powerful vampires who patrol the world killing humans and vampires who break our laws. They would without a doubt wipe out your entire tribe if word spread. And they would destroy us in punishment for not slaughtering you or anyone who knew our secret."

Ephraim blanched. "So why then risking what you do would you help me? Our legends tell of your kind ravaging entire generations of my tribe in a single attack a hundred years ago."

"We're helping you because it is the right thing to do. And I'm sorry to hear of your tribe's past with vampires. Very few of us follow the path of consuming animal blood, regrettably. Our eyes are topaz because of our diet. Any vampire you see with maroon eyes feeds off humans. The only exception is if a vampire is a newborn - and then his or her eyes are a vivid ruby red because of the human blood in their system. Unless you see one with us, you should assume they are hostile." I noted that Carlisle did not explain how to kill our kind.

"So will you bite people and transform them from the area?"

"No, but we do take in other vampires to try to convince them to live our way of life." Carlisle had vowed not to make another vampire after Rosalie's difficult newborn year. Emmett had been the sole exception because she had begged. He genuinely had no intention of every turning anyone again after our stress of handling the gigantic strength of Emmett.

We had found much to our amusement that we smelled every bit as disgusting to Ephraim as he did to us when we offered him some spare clothing we carried. To Carlisle's and Ephraim's amazement, his wounded leg and aching head healed before our eyes. Ephraim took the noisome outfit we offered him and wore it with a stone-like face because of the presence of our women. Seeing he was willing to sacrifice that much agony for us impressed me. Two older smaller wolves bounded into the area and took positions on either side of him. One was so old I wondered how it could move as it trembled on its legs, its gray muzzle looking at us in curiosity. "I believe these are your friends Larry and Hezekiah," I said to him as he looked at them in wonder. And so went our first peaceful meeting with the Quileute tribe. In hindsight, we probably should have moved that very day from the area.

Realizing he was vastly outnumbered, Ephraim, as the tribe's chief, agreed to negotiate a treaty, although he faced dissent from a loud faction of his people. We met with him, Larry, Hezekiah - who was their shaman - and the tribal elders to hammer out the details and eventually signed it and kept a copy. From what we understood Hezekiah had possessed the ability to change for years but had told no one. Larry had only changed when Ephraim had in response to his panic and Larry had been every bit as frightened until Hezekiah had found him, calmed him, and taken him to find Ephraim when they encountered us.

At first the arrangement had worked well because we genuinely liked Ephraim Black and the other wolves. We promised to keep each other's secrets. Neither side went on the other's lands unless invited. We, of course, did not bite any humans. Because we often had guests and my family enjoyed sparring, we had added into the treaty the line that we could bite any member of our family that we wanted. The Quileute tribe had thought us peculiar, but had not quarreled, so the line had been verified by both sides. Carlisle had explained to them that we often expanded our family as he hoped to convince other vampires to adopt our way of life. Carlisle left the definition vague simply stating that if our family expanded, we merely had to declare it to any member of the tribe in order for that person to fall under our protection. We knew that Rosalie wanted children desperately and hoped once Emmett was far enough away from his newborn years that they could adopt a child which is what motivated Carlisle. Once invoked, Ephraim insisted, that individual had to follow the treaty, an amendment to which we readily agreed. As long as we weren't biting people to create new members of our family, the tribe did not quibble. They also conceded on the family definition because we agreed that any vampire caught hunting humans in the area, friend or not, would not be sheltered from the wrath of the wolves by us.

We had told the Quileute elders at the time of the treaty signing that we were different vampires and that our eye color proved our diet of animal blood. Because the maroon eye color of vampires had so prominently been a part of their legends, they believed us after we they brought us deer blood to drink so they could witness the color shift from black to gold. Gregory Clearwater, the lone dissenting elder had offered a bit of human blood to test us and we had all recoiled, revolted at his attempt to entice us. The treaty had been approved by the tribe over his vociferous objections.

Ephraim Black had impressed us all with his level head, twinkling eyes, and courage. We had discovered that only those humans that could transform into wolves reeked. And, in turn, only the wolves were offended by our scent. They now had three including the chief among them. Interestingly, the wolves could hear us at vampire frequency, although the normal tribe members could not. Despite the fact that neither side could stand the smell of the other, my family genuinely respected Ephraim. When his wife Evelyn became ill during her pregnancy, Carlisle saved both her and the child, much to the gratitude of Chief Black. For four years we lived in a cautious peace. Yet tension arose with time because not everyone in the tribe approved of the treaty.

Late one spring night we received a hysterical message from a sobbing young boy demanding our immediate presence at the treaty line. He spat out his message and ran from our door like a ravenous hoard of demons bayed for his head. As we approached the line, we could smell large amounts of human blood combined with the peculiar odor that only werewolves possessed and stopped breathing. I warned my family, "This is going to be horrid."

All five of us approached the location to find the elders standing over the mangled bodies of three tiny children under the age of 7 and a man and woman. Ephraim was not among the angry mob that greeted us holding the torches and lacking all but the pitchforks. The gruesome damage to the mauled bodies had been extensive: all but one of the bodies were barely recognizable. All but the smallest were covered with bite marks. The mother's corpse appeared to have been eaten in portions along her stomach and legs. From her scent she had been with child although it did not show. The youngest child; John, still lived. The four-year old had sustained damage to his ribs, two broken arms, and a gaping stomach wound. John lay surrounded by panicked men and women unconscious and rapidly losing blood. A young man wearing bloody clothing loomed over him looking like he wanted to run but couldn't remember how. Carlisle estimated in his mind that the child would die within half an hour if not treated.

I whispered to Carlisle in Latin as he approached the child, "They blame us." Gregory Clearwater, although not a wolf, was the second in command of the tribe. He charged up to my Father's face. Angrily waving a clenched fist he yelled, "You and your filth clearly broke the treaty. Why should we not declare war?"

We took defensive positions around Carlisle as he mildly replied, "I'm quite sorry to see that you've had a tragedy here. I'd like to offer my assistance as well as that of my wife and children. When your messenger arrived my family and I had just returned from Bernard O'Shea's farm; which as you know adjoins your property on the far side away from your people's domiciles. We've all been there for all of the past two days helping his wife who had a breech birth with twins they named Liam and Genevieve. Please feel free to send a messenger to verify our story."

Clearwater waved at the young boy who had summoned us sending him sprinting to the O'Shea's house. By smell Carlisle located to two older tribe members Larry and Hezekiah who were wolves standing among the crowd, shifting uneasily. At vampire frequency he said to them, "You can tell by our scent we did not do this." Both men nodded imperceptibly. Hezekiah was their shaman, and in his late 70's. He had jerked when we had mentioned being at Bernard O'Shea's farm although I knew not why from his mind.

My Father of course told the truth. I was still amazed at the sensation of holding the older twin Genevieve as he had handed her to me reaching for the Mother to help with the next birth. I knew how to clean the child and did so cautiously before wrapping her in a blanket. I recall feeling fearful I'd drop her or worse crush her with my strength. Looking into her newborn blue eyes they had seemed ancient. Her first thoughts had been curiosity of me rather; almost a recognition, than looking for her mother. At that moment I had experienced an image of myself standing by my Father's side assisting in surgery competently. Looking down at this perfect innocent fragile human who wrapped her tiny hand around my finger reminded me of the twisted monster I was, and how much repentance I needed to do to atone. Helping my Father with his work and saving more human lives than I had taken would give them another reason to keep me. I had decided to attend medical school at the next opportunity. Rosalie had cradled Liam in her arms singing a sweet lullaby. Aside from marrying Emmett, I had never seen her so happy, her fingers lovingly tracing the child's face. Bellowing from the tribe distracted me from my reverie.

"Lies" a voice shouted from the crowd cheered by others.

"How do you explain the claw marks all over their bodies?" Carlisle reasoned.

"One of their sons phased for the first time during the attack and scrambled over his family trying to defend them. It was unintentional," Clearwater spat. I detected a note of defensiveness in his voice. Even he knew he uttered a lie.

My Father impressed me by mildly asking the infuriated men, "Which is more important to you, being slaughtered in an unfair fight, or allowing me to save the life of this precious child? We did not do this, and the two of you who can phase can tell because our scent is not on the bodies. We can help you, if you'll permit it. The choice is yours."

"You cleaned up your scent after you attacked them." Clearwater shouted.

"How?" Their bodies are bloody and chewed as if they were eaten. We drink blood we can't eat. Are our eyes red? Do we smell of their blood?" Esme played the role of devil's advocate well.

She stepped forward in the torchlight her features calm so that her eyes could be examined as we all did one by one. Hezekiah in human form looked far less intimidating than his wolf side. Their eldest wolf, the glaring hunched-back elderly man limped toward us, leaning on a carved walking stick. He clearly had no sense of self preservation. We braced ourselves for his stench as he tottered toward us. He took his claw-like liver spotted gnarled hands and turned our faces to that he could see our eye color by the torch held by their other unphased wolf another quivering man in his late 50's named Larry. Furious, we consented to this invasion of our bodies although we and the wolves knew our innocence.

Larry's mind simply indicated panic as he had never assumed a leadership role and did not want to fight anyone, particularly his tribe. I read the shaman's mind. The news of the birth at the O'Shea farm worried him. He suspected Gregory Clearwater's power unchecked could ruin the tribe. In a startling move he said into my mind, "You must help me fix this. Events have been set in motion. Ephraim must be protected, but Clearwater unfortunately must live for at least five more years." I nodded at him meeting his eyes.

As he examined Rosalie's face the elder turned and mournfully announced, "Their eyes are golden, we can sense no human blood aside from the birth fluids on their leader. We cannot change their fate, but the Cullens are innocent." He gestured to the bodies and shuffled slowly back to the crowd leaning on a stick with each pace. The gathering seemed to deflate. Gregory Clearwater however, determined to try to kill us by any means necessary from his thoughts.

Sudden movement out of the corner of my eye captured my attention as I tensed to defend my Father. Throwing his head back and wailing in anguish, the young man who wore bloody clothing screamed, "I hate you!" His eyes were filled with an anguish that seemed familiar I thought, although I had trouble reading his mind as it solely consisted of pure loathing towards us for murdering his family. He was quite tall for his age, broad shouldered, well over six feet tall, with close cropped black hair, a scar on his chin, and a mole above his left eye. He looked too young to even have scars; I thought absentmindedly, as I continued to try to read him. In a green flash he phased. The process captivated me in a morbid fashion as one second, he stood in rumpled bloody clothing shaking with rage, heart rate increasing exponentially as did his body temperature, and the next his body illuminated with green light and he literally vanished. Three seconds later with a ripping sound a young snarling wolf appeared in mid air and sailed through the tattered remnants of his falling clothing. His claws extended at Carlisle who had begun treating John.

As the adolescent wolf was clearly not used to being in that form, gently batting him away across the clearing posed no challenge for Emmett who darted in front of his path. Rosalie kept a close eye on Emmett as he had just finished his newborn phase and we all hoped his temper would remain even. No one else attacked, although we could have handled the small number of humans and still allowed Carlisle to work. The young wolf approached six more times snarling at snapping his razor sharp teeth in vain. On each attempt my brother casually defended our Father, with a bored expression. Emmett acted as if he was humoring a child by playing a game he disliked. Carlisle worked at vampire speed to save the young boy before a stunned crowd. None of the other wolves phased, there were only two others aside from the chief and they were old. I could hear Gregory Clearwater in his mind shriek at fate enraged that he had not been given the power to phase. He yelled at the other two wolves, "Phase and protect him!"

Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on my shoulder and whispered into my ear as he pointed at the lunging russet-colored wolf in front of Emmett, "I can smell the guilt from here. He reeks of mortal sin. The wretch is in Hell, he simply hasn't realized it. I will pray for him. He truly needs it." His voice sounded sympathetic.

I could sense the anguish and confusion in the tribe's thoughts as they saw Carlisle calmly and competently working to staunch the bleeding from the little boy rather than tearing his throat out given all the blood. We had all stopped breathing although frankly, given the smell of the three wolves it had more to do with their collective stench than wanting to feed.

At vampire frequency, Carlisle looked at the older wolves and said, "Clearwater does have a point. One of you needs to phase so that Ephraim can know what is happening and come and lead your tribe. We will not hurt you and we promise to not hurt Ephraim."

Both nodded their heads and in a flash of green light Larry transformed into wolf form scattering their people. He stood in between us and the tribe but made no aggressive move. Larry turned his large head toward Father as the shrieking continued.

Gregory Clearwater yelled, "Attack them Larry!" Larry ignored him.

Using that as a distraction at vampire pitch Carlisle looked Larry the wolf in the eye and said, "Ephraim, you need to come here now. It's quite urgent. Lives depend on your speed." Clearwater would have no idea what we had done since he couldn't see or hear us at that speed. My Father simply looked like he had briefly looked up at the wolf from the crowd's thoughts. We had learned the three wolves were connected by mind when in supernatural form. It all depended on luck because Ephraim had to phase in order to be able to be linked. I listened trying to see how far my range could expand reaching for his mind.

Watching Father work under pressure revealed his impressive control and compassion. The blood did not bother him at all which never ceased to amaze me. We had all stopped breathing.

Carlisle serenely said, "Edward I need temporary splints, find a tree please." Casually tearing the 250 foot tall tree out by its roots might possibly have terrorized a few of the mob. Snapping the large trunk like a twig served no purpose in aiding the child, but sent a clear message. I'd like to think the bored expression on my face only added to the effect. I took a thick section and tossed them to the ground in front of the congregation of Quileutes. Using my hands I quickly tore the wood into pieces small enough to use. I couldn't help it if it caused terror in the mob. Larry and Hezekiah in their thoughts found it amusing.

From twenty miles away - the farthest reach of my ability at the time, I heard Chief Black become aware of the situation, bellow in anger, and come speeding back. Larry and Hezekiah linked minds with him and told him of the situation.

"He's on his way," I said in English at vampire pitch to my family.

Carlisle calmly asked for clean cloth as he returned to the stomach wound, and rifled through his bag for medical supplies and plaster of Paris.

Emmett continued absentmindedly defending our Father without really harming the young wolf, actually trying to keep him occupied while Carlisle worked. He needled the pup by offering him fighting tips like, "That was predictable, try another pass junior." The thoughts of the young wolf named Lee attacking were filled with anguish, and at first difficult to comprehend. As the fight evolved, I gathered from his mind that he had been responsible for the attacks and had lied and blamed it on us. The tribe had not wanted to believe him capable of slaying his family and had been only too willing to swallow his ludicrous story. Clearwater had seized the opportunity and had acted without the knowledge of Ephraim Black in summoning us, deciding that his leadership in part caused this tragedy. Larry and Hezekiah were struggling with the bewildering images that bombarded them from his mind trying to make sense of them.

"Emmett, don't you think his thoughts are interesting?" I said haltingly.

"If I kill the bloodsuckers I can blame it on them. It's their fault anyway." the boy tried to convince himself in his mind.

"You make an excellent point brother!" Emmett lifted the pup by the scruff of his neck and immobilized him in a hold from behind. I looked Lee in the eyes and addressed him loud enough for the tribe to hear.

I hated talking in public. I said as confidently as I could, "Actually they will guess. The tribe already suspects. And the odds of you killing Emmet are infinitesimal."

The crowd stopped talking to look at me. Ephraim had only told their shaman we had that ability. He had not wanted to frighten his people any more than necessary to encourage them to validate the treaty. His leadership at the time appeared tenuous: now, even more so with a mutiny fomenting.

"He can't read my mind can he? He'll see what I did!" Lee wailed in his thoughts as he attempted futilely to wriggle free of Emmett's bear like hug.

"We can actually read your mind, but so too can your brother wolves. The fault was not yours. You had no idea you would phase," I used my most sympathetic tone. I did, after all understand what it felt like to kill and regret.

Hezekiah said to him, "Child, you must stop this now,"

Lee was too far gone in his rage to listen. Emmett did not dare let him go.

Clearwater thought, "Maybe we can kill them before Ephraim comes back from the fake errand we sent him on."

I whispered to Emmet, "They sent the chief on a fake errand. The tall one Clearwater wants to kill us," in Greek in case they could understand our pitch. It seemed from their reaction that only Ephraim and the two elderly wolves had that ability. And they didn't understand Greek.

Emmet boomed, "Sending your chief on fake errands? We'd rather not kill you, if you please. I actually like your chief. And it would hardly be a fair fight. I would not want to distress Ephraim."

Clearwater's eyes widened as did all of the conspirators. We could hear their hearts accelerate and smell the adrenaline entering their system from fear. They started to sweat in panic as they saw how genuinely happy Emmett appeared at the idea of battle. We had them now. The fact that Larry stood by in wolf form and did nothing to prevent Emmett from handling Lee also spoke volumes. Larry knew from Lee's mind exactly what had happened and would not defend him.

Emmett cheerfully sang as he waved Lee around like a toy, "I hate to tell you but if we had wanted to, we could have ripped through your entire tribe in about three minutes."

Rosalie added, "The fact that you all still live just proves our innocence. You can't kill us. Why would we lie about attacking that poor family?"

She and Emmett made quite the debate team, as he absentmindedly contributed, "Oh, and one other thing, did I neglect to share with you that we can read all of your minds? Particularly this one who has an interesting story to confess to you." He shook Lee a time or two for emphasis. "Larry understands what he did don't you Larry?" People moaned as Larry nodded "yes" at the tribe.

The crowd backed away, gasping, lowering their torches. Gregory Clearwater mentally snarled unrepeatable curses and glared at us with true loathing.

A wrathful roar split the air as a large black wolf bounded into view. I gathered that Ephraim had run in wolf form after hearing the thoughts of Lee from their linked minds. In wolf form he towered over Larry and Lee. Emmett immediately released Lee gently nudging him toward his livid chief. Ephraim's rage at his subordinate's underhanded behavior knew no bounds as he phased in a starburst of green light, standing naked before his tribe. His wife ran out and offered him pants. Shoving his feet into each leg roughly, he fastened his trousers then turned to bellow at his people.

"Will someone please explain to me why you have attempted to start a war?" he thundered.

I had always liked Mr. Black, but my respect for him rose immeasurably in that moment. He literally risked his life to defend ours as he stood in between Lee and Emmett, in human form attempting to stop Lee from continuing the fight. Ephraim pushed his wife Evelyn behind him. Larry moved to block the enraged young wolf.

Ephraim pointed his hand at Lee and shouted, "Cease!" in a deep tone as the wolf darted towards Carlisle. In mid-lunge Lee stopped in his tracks as if pulled by an invisible string. We all watched, Ephraim included, confused as Lee seemed to obey against his will.

"He is being forced to obey Chief Black," I marveled.

"I've never tried this." Ephraim wondered how he could convince the tribe of our innocence. He had seen the entire horrifying event from the mind of Lee.

Emmett said, "I think it's that voice you just used. It makes sense as you are the alpha. Try it again using the same tone and way of thinking."

"Phase back right now. You will explain to your tribe what happened and you will tell me the complete truth," Ephraim snarled in the same low tone.

Lee threw his head into the air, howled in agony, and phased into human form. Curled up naked on the soggy earth his agonized confession poured forth and he sobbed, rocking to and fro vainly attempting to comfort himself. He clawed at both cheeks leaving bloody trails, and beat at his head as he talked.

"I never thought the stories around the campfire were true. I've felt ill these past few days and my father just told me it was passing and not to worry. He sent the rest of our family to our aunt's. They returned tonight to bring us dinner. All I remember was feeling furious.... It's like this other person came into my body and I..... God help me I can still hear them begging me to stop. It happened so fast. I didn't mean to..." The expressions of confusion and guilt and anguish flitted as tears trailed from his hopeless eyes mixing with the blood on his face.

"Tell me what happened next," Ephraim's voice ordered. Under the blanket of stars in the midnight sky, the bare truth offered a hideous contrast to the initial story presuming our guilt.

"I panicked. I knew I had to blame someone so I tried to make it look like the leeches had done it. I bit their bodies. Mr. Clearwater had told me that the cold ones liked flesh just as much as blood..." Lee broke down and sobbed, shoulders heaving as he held his hands to his face, pulling at his hair. "When I finished with the others and reached John, his eyes opened and he looked me straight in the eye and he said to me, 'Why?'"

Moaning, Lee vomited to the side, retching for several minutes while still sobbing, rocking and clutching his sides. At the sight, the crowd started keening when they realized he had vomited up the flesh and blood of his family. A few started vomiting as well. Several fainted. Many started to shake in terror.

Standing aright weakly, Lee wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his trembling hand and mumbled, "I couldn't do it to him. I wasn't strong enough."

What do you do to a man who literally ate his own flesh and blood after mauling them? His Hell was worse than my own, poor creature. Letting him live would serve punishment enough.

I saw the attack play out his mind exactly as he described, but with more horrific detail. His family had lovingly tried to calm him. In his confusion and newborn rage he had mauled them in what appeared to be a few seconds as they screamed for mercy. The gruesome images haunted me. The sight of him panicked and chewing chunks of his own Mother's flesh literally made me turn my head and vomit. Rosalie followed suit because she could no longer stand the stench. Esme in alarm patted her back and offered her a kerchief for her lips. To continue to prove our innocence, Ephraim sent the shaman to verify that we had not regurgitated human flesh.

Hezekiah said, "It's deer blood, nothing more," he leaned on his stick to rub his left arm.

Using a handkerchief to wipe my mouth, I whispered to my family in English at vampire pitch, "He ate his own Mother's stomach and legs to frame us."

Esme and Rosalie understandably were traumatized at the idea. Ephraim and Larry seemed to shrink for a moment as the impact of that statement hit them as they looked from the bodies to Clearwater in anger. Emmett and Carlisle both assumed a blank expression.

The silence in the clearing made the keening of Lee all the more painful to hear as some of the tribe looked at him in horror, realizing they had almost declared war over a horrid lie. A few others, while feeling repulsed, regretted not being able to kill us, and looked for any opportunity to start a fight.

Lee kept chanting, "It's my fault. It's their fault. It's my fault. It's theirs," while rocking naked with arms wrapped around himself for cold comfort that he could never feel. Clearly his mind had snapped.

Several in the crowd heard his rant and, prompted by Clearwater's guilty conscience who muttered, "They did this to him," started to blame us. Had we not been there, they thought, he would not phased into a wolf at all. And therefore he would never have attacked his family. The thought spread through them like wildfire that they only phased because we moved here. Where they obtained that ludicrous notion defied my imagination. It simply felt their hate.

Carlisle saved the life of the young child after performing surgery for four hours. When he was finished with John, Carlisle took Ephraim and the shaman aside. "You have a problem." The elderly man nodded in agreement.

"I know." Ephraim sighed, "I'll address it." He realized his leadership had been challenged.

"That's not the problem to which I am referring."

"I don't understand."

"Do you see why Lee behaved as he did? He had no idea that he could phase. He thought it was a story. His father, I assume, knew. You need to come up with a ritual where you isolate the boys all of them at a certain age and keep them guarded by wolves until you are sure that they will or will not transition."

Ephraim nodded. "Your idea has merit. Thank you for what you did tonight."

"We were only happy to help. The situation is absolutely tragic. Our sympathies go out to you and your tribe. That poor child and his even poorer brother." Carlisle shook his head. "You must keep watch on Lee. His mind has snapped. You do not need an insane wolf. I can give you medication for him if you need that will keep him calm. I do not think he will ever be sane."

We left Ephraim with a stock of medication for not only John but for Lee and directions on how to make more medication for the mentally frail man. We ran off into the night feeling the seething hatred growing in the tribe at our backs.

Lee Quill ostensibly committed suicide the night he admitted the true story, hanging himself from a tree. I never mentioned to anyone that he'd had some avid assistance from Gregory Clearwater, who had been angry at the failure of his plan to wrest control of the tribe. We left the next week after ensuring that John Quill would live.

Carlisle decided we should relocate. We left the Peninsula with a bitter taste all of us angry to varying degrees at our treatment by those who had turned on us. We had feared our continued presence would make Chief Black's life miserable, and our respect for him and his family motivated our choice. Carlisle had written him a short note thanking him for his friendship and explaining our reasons for moving. He left it open that we might return one day and insisted that we would keep the treaty intact.

On the day we left, a messenger from the tribe came by and left us two tokens from Chief Black - identical small carvings of a wolf with a note. He thanked us for all we had done to save John and to instill order and prevent a war. The note explained the carving represented a token of peace and if we ever returned to the area to show it to the tribe as each token required they pay a tribute to us. One was for Carlisle the other was for me for our efforts to save the life of John and prevent a tribal internecine battle.

When we had passed through the area ten years later we had learned to our sorrow that Ephraim Black had been murdered six months after our departure. Hezekiah, their shaman, had died the month after we left and Larry the year later in a fishing accident. We found Evelyn Black and her two children living destitute with relatives. Carlisle arranged for a house to be built for them and money to mysteriously appear in an account that Ephraim had inherited from a long lost distant cousin at Esme's suggestion. Larry Uley's wife and three children had received a similar gift. We hadn't been back since, thinking our work was done and Ephraim's family safe.

Once we had moved into town, the old resentments, we discovered, still lived and breathed after we took an exploratory walk through town and I read the minds of the Quileute elder Harry Clearwater who saw and recognized us from afar. The tale of Lee's death had become twisted in the tribe's mind. Our powers had become magnified in their stories I told my snorting family. Fortunately for us the tale of the tokens had spread and they lived in dread of us using them, fearing we would carry off one of their children, which caused us no end of morbid amusement. Their own laws meant that whatever we asked they had to give. They now believed us to be faster, fiercer, with mental abilities that made me laugh. Thankfully, the gene had died out with that generation based on my mental eavesdropping from afar when we had decided to approach the tribe to renew the treaty. Smelling them only confirmed they lacked the eye-watering stench of their wolf forefathers. We had seized the opportunity and had approached Mr. Clearwater to inform him we were back in town and would abide by the mutual treaty we held. He nodded curtly and left as quickly as possible clutching his heart in fear.

Given our past, this morning's encounter in the hospital disturbed me. In the years since we had left the tribal hatred of us that once had lurked beneath the surface now raged furiously in the minds of many of the tribe, but particularly the Blacks. Because there hadn't been a single vampire in the area since we had left, their resentment baffled us. One would have thought we had feasted on three generations of the tribe by their rage.

Things started to make sense to me when I figured out the family history of the Black's since we had left. John Quill, the child we had treated, was now known as Old Quill. Ephraim's son, James, had married his daughter, Meredith Quill, who it seemed had inherited her Uncle's psychological weaknesses and had passed it on to Billy. The most recent encounters, however, indicated we needed to act before matters flared out of control. Something still seemed off about the Blacks.

"Not going Jacob," my human's tone deepened my resolve. Although I didn't mind that she clearly preferred my company, I DID mind that he had bothered her enough he was robbing her of restful slumber. My singer shouldn't have to have him lurk in her dreams, too. Why was he so obsessed with her? It was positively unhealthy.

And his Father was equally determined, which, to my mind, was disgusting. Creepy indeed. Caterwauling Quasimodos. Poor Ephraim. Either his line was weak or some deranged man had slept with his wife. Because his progeny were positively delusional. They thought they could take my human and that I'd let them. As if.

I knew from Jacob Black's thoughts that his words about the tribe claiming my human was supposed to leave the hospital with him had been a lie. While she slept, wheezing by my side, I used my free hand to call my Father and inform him at vampire frequency of what had transpired earlier. As we spoke, he texted Jasper at school, and asked him to recover and copy the film from the security camera. Father decided if the footage proved useful, we would send the clip to Harry Clearwater, and request a meeting. I actually liked that idea as the tape made interesting viewing and I looked perfectly innocent in it with my weak little one clinging to my side. I explained that Jacob and his Father alone had planned to spirit my human from the hospital. From Jacob's thoughts, the rest of the tribe had no idea Billy Black had ordered this to be done. In the years since we had left town, the Black's influence had waned and the Clearwaters now functioned as the tribal leaders, much to the distress of Ephraim's descendents. Carlisle told me we couldn't have the tribe using my human as a wedge to start a war and this was a perfect opportunity to rectify the matter. He saw it as a means to break the ice with the tribe after the gesture for the Clearwater children. I didn't have the heart to tell my Father he thought too highly of humanity. I also needed to tell him of my human's problem with her parents.

"Father she refuses to call her parents and weeps..." I paused.

"I'll call them both as it's time I had a chat with them, regardless. I should do that now."

The call complete, I pocketed my phone and turned to gaze upon my little one. Her lungs still sounded weak, and I knew she'd require a breathing treatment soon for her asthma. I wanted to let her sleep as long as she could to regain her strength. She had shadows under her eyes, which still bore traces of her weeping. I had never been this close to her in the hospital and I was, of course, mentally blocking the unfortunate incident of inadvertent venom leakage from my mind. Her aroma, if possible, smelled even better lying with her against my side. The longer I remained the more she appealed to me. This must be a side-effect of her being my singer. No vampire had ever let his singer live, so of course; no one would have recorded the changes in scent or allure. There was a perfectly logical explanation for this. I was, after all, now conducting ground-breaking research in human-vampire history. Given my graduate school education in rigorous scientific research methodology, I held the moral high ground. Humanity and all vegetarian vampires would one day appreciate my sacrifice for the greater good I sniffed. Again. And Again. I must confess this time I really did inhale. Quite frequently. And, alas, no glass was harmed in the execution of this experiment.

My powers merely permitted me to read active thoughts in the mind of a target. I could not rifle through a person's mind like a filing cabinet and select particular memories at will, which caused me no end of remorse in her case. I could not understand why a parent would not obtain medical treatment for a delicate human child. Chief Swan's financial records indicated he had possessed the money for her care. Her injury was such that, while it never would have been cured, therapy at a younger age could have significantly helped her. Jasper had told me earlier that morning as I had left to fetch my singer from the hospital that I should be careful as she felt wounded by both her parents. I wished I knew what words would offer her comfort. I hated to see her in pain. Having her so upset would repress her immune system, and further complicate her healing. We couldn't have her scent threatened any more than it already was. Besides, her crying made that ache in my chest start and befouled my mood which sparked a chain of feelings that made me have to hunt more. Having to hunt more meant I lost out on quality singer time and I increasingly felt anguish at being parted from her side. I decided I was a scentaholic and feared that no 12-step program on earth would ever cure me from my little one's siren call. Clearly to aid me in my addiction, I had to help her with her problems for the betterment of our budding relationship.

Listening in on both of Carlisle's conversations with her parents proved illuminating. Idiots.

"Charlie, when my children found her she had a large bruise on her forehead. We had to do an MRI to check for damage. I had been under the impression she knew about her disability and discussed it with her."

"She knows?" he sounded upset and guilty. I hear a woman's voice in the background say, "What is it honey?" Charlie was not alone in Denver. Curious.

"I explained her condition to her thoroughly."

"We wanted her to go through life not feeling sorry for herself. We wanted to treat her normal, you know?" Now he took on a defensive tone.

"So it's not important to you that she has a history of migraines?"

"What?"

"She has been having migraines her entire life. And she also has asthma and allergies."

"Well the migraines can't be all that bad because she hasn't said anything. And I have asthma and I'm fine. And I've never seen her have trouble breathing."

"Your parents both died from asthma attacks Charlie. Bella's could be severe when you consider her allergies. I've treated her for three separate attacks since she moved here. Your daughter is allergic to Bermuda grass quite severely, to dust, to shellfish and bananas to name a few. She has a history of severe headaches that date back to as long as she can remember. She told me that she stopped telling her Mother because Renee would become so upset that she learned to simply not tell her and to take two Tylenol.

"Well if she's taking Tylenol then they weren't that bad right?" I snorted as he completely overlooked the ineptitude of his ex-wife emotionally conditioning their daughter to hide pain.

"No, Charlie, they were bad, and the Tylenol just took the edge off of the pain. The fact that your daughter has been able to function at all is quite remarkable." My Father was the greatest vampire on earth. I loved how he stood up for my dear one.

"Well she's a tough one, my daughter is. I'm proud of her. And of course I want what's best for my baby girl." From his end of the phone I heard the female voice coo, "Come back to bed big guy, she'll be fine."

I wanted what was best for his baby girl too. I wanted to snap his neck. Although I did appreciate him leaving town to fornicate; it set a bad example for his daughter if he carried on such unseemly relations with her knowledge.

"Excellent, then you will understand that she is going be coming to see me once a week for the immediate present in order to monitor her asthma and allergies until we can effectively manage them. She is also taking medication for her migraines which at times will not permit her to operate a vehicle. At present she cannot drive. I think she can return to school next week, but my children will be driving her to and from for the next month until we determine whether or not her medication is set at the right dose."

"Not telling her was the only thing her mother and I agreed on. We knew she was shy and thought if we told her it would make it worse." Charlie sounded dispirited.

"I see. Well, you and your daughter have some talking to do I think."

"Why? She knows now. There's really not much to talk about. If I had to make the same decision today, I'd still have done the exact thing to protect my daughter." He thanked my Father for taking such excellent care of his daughter and ended the call.

How my singer sprung from the loins of that imbecile must be a marvel of the Almighty proof of His existence. The sad thing is that when Carlisle called her mother, the conversation was almost identical. Except Renee somehow managed to outdo Charlie in sounding foolish and admitted that usually my singer was the one calming her. She sounded relieved when Carlisle assured her that he and Esme would take care of my little one, swore eternal devotion to her child and rang off to begin her meditation class. I found it rather ironic that I had managed to almost rebuild a portion of my singer's house in a week, but I could not "fix" her parents. They both suffered from terminal stupidity. As long as they didn't interfere with our relationship I would permit them to remain in her life.

Reaching my mind out, I sensed Jasper was bored in the library. I texeted him a query. Excited to be doing something other than schoolwork, he worked quickly and emailed me with the data. A search of the passenger manifest revealed Charlie's seatmate on his flight to and from Seattle was named Paula Black. Jasper had not been with us in 1940, but he had felt the hatred of the tribe and returned it in measure. He gleefully volunteered to find out everything he could via computer on the illustrious Ms. Black. He texted me back that the first thing he learned was that her pharmacy records at Walgreens indicated she had been taking fertility drugs for the past ten years unceasingly yet had never been pregnant. Considering that my singer had to be the result of recessive genes in both parents why anyone would want the spawn of Charlie Swan genuinely bewildered me and Jasper.

While she was sleeping, her house phone had rung. I hadn't bothered to answer it because if it were my family they would have called my cell, and I had better things to do with my hands. My human did not need to be taking calls. I knew it couldn't be her parents on the line. And the kitchen contained the only phone in the house; a model from the late 80's mounted to the wall. And did I mention that I had better things to do with my hands, more important things involving the comforting of my traumatized singer than sprint for an inconveniently located telephonic communication device? If it was important they would call again. Which they did. Thirty-seven times. I made a mental note to buy the Swans an answering machine that would permit the phone to stop ringing after four bells. While I was at it, I plotted to replace the darned phone. My human needed a line in her room in case she had a medical emergency. And the kitchen phone could prove hazardous as she needed her hands to be free when cooking. Jasper would know what to do; I vowed to consult him on adapting her communication technology. The ringing of the blasted phone reminded me of the pressing issue.

I guessed her annoying caller probably was Jacob Black. He had looked rather determined as he leapt out of my car's path. I reached out for his rather unoriginal mind to find him repeatedly calling the house, becoming increasingly irate when the phone remained unanswered. Rosalie and Jasper had sufficiently disabled his car to keep him occupied in the parking lot for over an hour just trying to get home. What I loved about their work was that they did it in such a way that no fingers could be pointed at us. Jacob, who apparently possessed slight mechanical knowledge knew just enough to be able to fix his car, but fumed at his bad luck. I snorted when he wondered if he had the number correct as he had never called her before, squinting while checking the tattered phone book in front of him a third time. His Father would be furious he feared as he kept dialing compulsively. Someone needed to up his medication for OCD. I considered force feeding him Buspar. And Xanax. But I digress...

Again, he was not worried about her safety so much as he was concerned that my human was spending the afternoon in my arms - which frankly she was as she belonged there. Thank the Lord my singer slept like the dead and the noise did not disturb her. It would have been slightly awkward explaining how despite the comforter separating us, she had scooted herself against me, pillowing her head on my chest. She muttered, "Dream Edward mmmmm." Mmmm indeed. Dream Edward agreed with her insightful assessment of our relationship.

Speaking the warty annoyance, I had heard Jacob's approach from afar as he drove his newly repaired car to the Swan residence half an hour later. I had found it amusing to read his thoughts. He had attempted to come up with various tactics ranging from the absurd to the frankly, pathetic. If he was the future of the tribe, they were doomed. He did not think of my human as a person - which offended me. Rather, he saw her as a key to gaining dominance in the tribe: the reasons why he himself did not know. He only knew that his father had declared it, therefore, it must be true. He kept repeating this image of his father telling him that when she was 18 they would marry. It was not a wish but an order.

I hated to break the news to him, but I didn't share. Nor did I play well with others. And I did enjoy running with scissors. I was content to let him fumble mentally outside. I had the girl, after all. In hand. Besides, there was no way he could top my effect on her. Starched Shirt Edward reminded me that he was looking after her soul and surely that miscreant boy didn't care a thing about religion. My Predator, knowing he was still in the doghouse, cautiously added that he would be available to defend my human's honor at any time. He then tip-toed away.

She then proceeded to drool on my shirt. I found it positively endearing. My shirt would smell even better for the rest of the day. She was so considerate to me. What vampire wouldn't treasure his singer's saliva? Really, even when unconscious she spoiled me so. I pulled her against me and sighed kissing her on the top of her head.

Hearing my Mother arrive, I reluctantly crept from my singer's side, careful not to wake her. Moving downstairs at vampire speed, I exited the house to greet Esme. I took the containers she held from her hands. We walked into the house as I chatted at vampire speed briefing her of my morning. I left her in the kitchen, preparing my human's meal of chicken soup using free range chicken and organic broth and pasta with sea salt.

When I tried to wake her, she asked Dream Edward sleepily if he could return in a little while because she was having a really nice fantasy about his lips. I waited five minutes, grinning like a Cheshire cat, before waking her up as if nothing had happened in regards to her hilarious comment about Dream Edward's lips. My human dreamed of me. And my lips. That was good...as long as she didn't dream about my teeth too. When my singer woke to find me sitting at her desk chair, she had no idea I had been beside her in the bed as long as I had, I told myself. So no harm was done. And I had managed to control my physiological reactions to her and not been tempted to repeat the unfortunate behavior from the day she was ill. Clearly, that was a one-time reaction to her fevered state.

"How long was I out?" she rubbed at her eyes.

"A while. You sleep like the dead." I should know.

"I'm sorry I bored you."

"It's a sacrifice indeed, my Queen, but someone has to interpret your sleep talking." I smirked.

Her eyes widened as she slapped a hand over her mouth in horror. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that I wondered in panic, "Don't fret. You only mentioned your Father and someone named Paula," I lied baldly. I might as well question her while I could.

"Ick." She scrunched her nose.

"Do tell." I leaned forward resting my elbows on my knees.

"Charlie is not really out of town because of his job," she said in a flat tone. This was interrupted by a bout of coughing which required I pat her back with my free hand and offer her tissues and water.

Once she had stopped I said, "He is attending a conference required by his job is he not?"

She looked at her quilt and traced it with a finger as she sighed, "Yes, and the conference lasted three days. He's there with his girlfriend Paula Black taking his annual vacation. That's why he didn't come back when I became ill. She was more important." I took her hand back in my own careful not to hurt her.

"I don't understand."

"Can I tell you something?" she looked up at me.

"You can tell me anything." Well she could.

"He's been secretly dating her for years. Most weekends, he pretends to go fishing to see her."

"He's not really fishing at all? Where does the fish come from that he had in the freezer?"

"He fishes occasionally. He loves it. But most of that fish is store bought. You can tell by the smell when he brings it home. That and he forgets to throw away the receipts."

"Why hide the relationship?"

"I don't know. I passed by her car last week in town and found an ovulation kit and a bottle of fertility pills sitting in plain view on the back seat."

"Does your father know her plans?"

Wheezing with a cough, she shook her head in the negative, "He's often said he does not want any more children that one was enough. I don't think he'd believe me if I told him."

Is she related to Jacob?" I patted her hand with mine.

"She's his aunt. Jacob's Father pretends to be friends with Charlie. He looks at me like he wants to inspect my teeth or something." She shuddered and squeezed my hand.

"How often do you encounter him?" I stroked her hand with my own in comfort and pondered eradicating the Black family now. All of them. Just this conversation appeared to be tiring her.

"My Dad pretends to go visit him every other weekend and leaves me with the Clearwaters, which I don't mind because I like them. He spends all that time with Paula. Since the Blacks hate the Clearwaters, they leave me alone."

With reluctance, I freed her hand from mine as we were interrupted by the arrival of her lunch. Mother carried a tray into the room at that moment with a bowl of homemade chicken soup. She had been so excited to cook for my human, and it made me happy to see her that joyful. I added a handful of vitamins in addition to her medication to her tray of food. Mulit-vitamins were good for the blood. So was iron. She needed iron to be strong. And vitamin C. That meant she had, including her pain killer, asthma medication, antibiotic and vitamins six horse-pills sitting in front of her. But really. She needed them. For us.

Mother appeared so excited I feared she might explode, "Hello Bella, dear. I am so happy to see you are well enough to be released from the hospital. You gave us quite a scare." She looked at my human thinking she was such a sweet young woman, and she always wanted another daughter.

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen, you did not have to do this...." She coughed self-consciously. I poured her a glass of water and lifted her from her bed to drink, patting her back. I worried she would not be able to stay awake long enough to eat.

"Ah, but I wanted to, and it makes me happy. Carlisle and I and the rest of the family will be watching out after you as if you were one of our own for the next several days."

"I hate to inconvenience you," my human worried, crinkling her brow.

"Bella, it's a joy to be able to spend time with you. My children are rarely ill so I get to mother you." She positively beamed as she stroked my human's cheek.

I moved away and my human sat up as Mother placed the tray of food carefully on her lap. She seemed delighted at Mother's attempts at culinary skills and thanked her graciously. I left her with a tray of food by her bed, a box of tissues, a large glass of lemonade, and my glowing Mother sitting in her rocking chair.

I could no longer avoid my siblings. I had wanted to stay. Mother took one look at the set to my jaw and said at vampire speed, "Son, you need to go eat." Her light golden eyes showed she practiced what she preached.

"I am going to have to go and take care of some errands. Will you promise to try to rest while I am gone?" I looked at her pleading. My tone earned me the glimmer of a smile.

"I will on one condition." She said slowly.

Shooting her a smile I caroled, "What could I offer you, my Queen?"

"Chess. Lots of it."

That's a woman after my heart I vowed as I saw the avaricious glint in her eyes. Oh wait, mine doesn't work anymore. Drat.

"I can promise endless chess," I paused, "Games beyond your wildest imagination. As long as you can handle defeat with grace," I smirked as I walked out the door to her spluttering. Mother thought to herself that we had such chemistry. I quite agreed. Her scent chemically affected me to the point where I could never have enough.

The cheerful bonhomie in my human's bedroom belied the malevolence mushrooming in her front lawn. I could hear Mother talking to my singer about gardening - a hobby I discovered they mutually shared - while mentally keeping track of the sounds of Jacob's footsteps outside. Suddenly despite our separate locations in the house, her with my human, me walking down the stairs, we both stiffened slightly. Jacob Black had decided to rally.

His thoughts indicated that upon his ignominious return singer-less to his home, he had received a blistering tongue-lashing from his father. Billy had shouted at him the he was inept and a failure to his line for failing to bring home a stupid girl. He had sternly lectured his son about his duty to the tribe: marrying my human. I tracked Jacob's thoughts as he literally paced the length of the yard hiding behind the bushes. Things began to come to a head when his tiny mind decided to take action. He intended to storm the front door and claim my human as his wife, demanding we leave. He was going to insist they had an arranged marriage from birth that my human was to be told on her 18th birthday. Of course, he was lying, but that was another matter. He seemed to think the treaty would keep him breathing as he spouted his inane claims. I could hear him jumping from stupid plans to moronic plans as he eyed the front door from his favorite watching spot.

At vampire speed I called out to Esme, "Mother, I do not like leaving you alone considering we have an unstable member of the tribe outside and more could appear. Do you think we should call Father?"

She whispered back, "That's an excellent idea Edward. I'll do that now. Run along now. And don't forget to take out the trash." My devious Mother was giving me permission to mishandle Jacob Black. I felt like a starving vampire in a blood bank. Decisions...decisions....

I elected to give him an appropriate greeting outdoors. I found him lurking on the right side of the house in the bushes like a stalker. For the love of Pete, his point of observation did not even provide a glimpse of her window. What was he thinking? He was so incompetent he could not perform basic stalking?

"Ah, if it isn't the young Mr. Black. What a coincidence encountering you here skulking among the shrubbery. How are you this fine day?" I greeted him with cheer. After all, it was much more polite than what I was actually thinking - words which were not repeatable.

"What have you done to Bella, leech?" he hissed. Or at least gave his best approximation of one. I wanted to ask him to repeat the line and do it with feeling because I was not scared.

"Done? Leech? Where are your manners, my good man?"

"I know you have her under your mind control." I burst out laughing, slapping my leg. His face flushed.

"If I had mind control, then why would I be standing here having this annoying conversation with you, Mr. Black?"

"Because I'm too strong for you." He boasted, glaring with pure hatred. Too bad he was 5 feet and 3 inches tall and weighed in at a measly 120 pounds. And was mortal. And could not do anything about it.

"Alas, Mr. Black, the only thing I am liable to die of around you is boredom. Or perhaps laughter; I find your notion of strength quite amusing."

Moving casually, I lifted him up by the scruff of his neck in the air as if he were a twig. He yelped in panic and kicked out his legs ineffectively in the air as I carried him further into the forest, out of the range of nosy passersby. He resembled the tiny humans lifted by the cartoon giant on the show Emmett liked to watch on Saturday morning.

For two minutes, he dangled in the air while I ran at top speed. Finally, we stopped, and I said, "What was that about being too strong?" My face thrust into his personal space, so close I could see his deplorable teeth and moderate case of gingivitis. "I'm afraid I did not hear you the first time. Would you care to repeat it?"

"You just violated the treaty," he spluttered. I had him in hand, clutching his neck, and he whined about paperwork? He really was a moron.

I wagged my index finger at him, "Actually, my budding diplomat, the treaty does not prohibit physical contact between us."

His eyes widened. Sweat started dripping from his brow despite the chill in the air.

"I would like to think of this as a friendly demonstration of my weight-lifting ability. You might also consider it as advice on the proper physical form necessary when working the biceps. Clearly, my good man, it appears you could use the advice," I said snarkily. Stick-thin Scarecrow. I could not help but look at his frame as if he was pathetic, which, of course he was. I lifted him up and down as if he were a one-pound dumbbell. And weak. But I repeat myself. He now appeared too frightened to speak. With my free hand I made a wide gesture of welcome.

"What was I thinking? You should have the full tour since we are engaged in a timeworn male-bonding ritual. Allow me to personally welcome you to the Olympic National Forest, all 633,677 acres of it founded in 1897. It is famous for its mountain range, large lowland lakes, cascading rivers, temperate rain forests, as well as its saltwater beaches and tidelands."

'All of which could easily serve as your grave,' I conveyed with my eyes.

He looked green as I hung him by his belt from a high, broken limb of a tree. "Wait right here, if you please, I am rather hungry." I looked him up and down as if evaluating which part I wanted to chomp first.

Jacob screamed in fright, urinated on himself and started kicking futilely. The deer fled at the sound of his fruitless wails. I decided he needed to have the fear of the undead put into him.

Running at top speed, I snatched a large buck and brought it back before the tree and its occupant, wriggling like a worm on a hook. "Do not mind me. I am rather grumpy until I have had lunch," I cheerfully announced as I snapped the neck of the buck with a practiced flick of my wrist.

Since I had my Mother's permission, I decided forgetting my table manners were warranted. The Predator and I drained the deer dry of every drop of blood, allowing some to run down my face as I looked up from my meal. Black took one look at me and the ruby smears across my face and babbled in fright. I held the body of the deer casually, and with a finger, split the carcass open, making the organs spill out onto the ground. Of course, he fainted.

Starched Shirt Edward appeared and said, "I think you should do it again. They liked repetition in the Spanish Inquisition to make their point."

What an excellent idea. Besides, I really did need to feed. This was a two for one advantage.

I woke Jacob and repeated the performance. He had the honor of watching me drain five more deer. Eagerly. Assiduously. Loudly. Eating had never been so much fun. Although it would have been even more so had Black not fainted every single time he saw the blood dribbling down my chin. Simply handling the animals also appeared to disturb his breathing, as I easily tossed each 200 pound drained carcass over my shoulder into a pile 20 feet away.

Wiping my mouth and making loud smacking noises, I looked at a nearby tree and said conversationally, "Relax Mr. Black. You're going to survive to live this day...if you behave. How tall do you think that Western Hemlock tree is?"

"uh.....um......" He whispered. I had managed to rob him of both thought and speech. We should do this more often. He was more charming when mute with terror.

"That Western Hemlock is 250 inches in circumference, 200 feet tall with a 67 foot spread. It'll make a good example."

"For ?"

"Lesson time for Jacob Black." I clicked my tongue, mocking him. "Since I am in a very charitable mood, I am going to allow you to walk away from this delightful conversation with a pulse. But I am going to insist that you mind your manners. We need to set some ground rules in regards to your behavior with my girlfriend,"

He didn't like the word 'girlfriend' coming from my mouth, which made it all that more fun to say, of course.

"First, address her as 'Bella' as she requested, and cease giving her orders. She's a human being, not your dog." I gently tugged the tree from the earth by its roots. His eyes bulged.

Mentally, he yelped, "Crap, the legends were true."

"Second, she is not yours. You seem to think you have some kind of territorial right to my girlfriend, and frankly Mr. Black, she barely notices you." I snapped the tree in half with all the effort of crumpling a ball of paper.

Oh Christ that could have been my legs! But Dad says she's going to be my wife soon. He sounded bewildered.

"Third, I expect you to behave like a gentleman in her presence. Try to behave as if you were raised with manners. Your great-grandfather had impeccable ones."

I broke and even wider section of the tree like it was a toothpick. He flinched with each snap of wood.

"Fourth, the legends are true - especially the part about our strength and powers - Bella will never be your wife." That was around the time he started to hyperventilate, tears running down his face. "The last person who disrespected her? I broke both his legs. He just had his second orthopedic surgery. Do you know Ireland has perfected the surgery to replace destroyed kneecaps?" I used a conversational tone. I looked at him stroking my chin in contemplation as if I were imagining which leg to shatter. Then I moved to the knees.

Starched Shirt Edward, who had been cheering the entire time, tapped me on the shoulder. "We must correct the mongrel about trying to physically assault our dear little one this morning." I thanked him for reminding me and turned back to the toad.

"Fifth, do not ever attempt to touch her again. She is shy and does not feel comfortable being touched by strangers."

"You're a stranger." He was quite pale, having regained his ability to breathe.

"Not to her." My grin, admittedly, was smug. "Jacob, what is her favorite color?"

His mind was blank. "Why is that important?" he thought.

"Actually it is important. You do not even know the most basic facts about her." I lifted him from the tree, keeping him hanging in the air.

I could smell the adrenaline in his system and hear the racing of his heart, which pattered like that of a trapped rat. Starched Shirt Edward wanted me to lecture him on chastity and then punch him. The predator just wanted me to maim his genitalia to protect the gene pool. Both sounded like tempting offers. If this man and Jessica Stanley bred, their children would terrorize the world with their stupidity.

"You can't date her." He begged. He thought of his father's rage and quailed.

"Sixth, actually I can court her and I am courting her. I do not believe there is anything you can do to stop me. I am scrupulously following the treaty, which protects all of my family from harm - and I include her within that classification officially today as you are the main descendent of your great-grandfather. Fortunately, according to the wording of the treaty, you do not get to decide who I claim as part of my family."

Jacob clearly was so frightened that he had difficulty understanding simple sentences. The significance of my words had escaped his feeble mind.

"Please, just let me have a year with her. If I can't convince her to be mine then I'll step aside. Please?" he groveled. In his mind he was more terrified of his father's disappointment than he was of losing my human. She merely represented a goal in his mind, not a person of importance.

"Jacob, you need to return home and re-read the treaty. I have officially just claimed Bella as part of my family. And stepping aside for a year? How crass. I do not timeshare my girlfriend, Mr. Black. She is a human, not a vacation condominium."

"You can't bite her." He whispered.

He wasn't worried about her being harmed so much as her being turned and then being inaccessible to him. I looked at him as if he had completely lost what little mind he had. How stupid could he possibly be? Changing her would reduce her scent. She was definitely staying mortal. Besides there existed that whole pesky losing the soul issue as my back up justification. Clearly, I had our best interest in mind. My purely noble intentions solely concerned her scentantic welfare.

"Technically I can not bite anyone outside of my family, and I just claimed her as family. But rest assured, I have no intention of inviting her to this life. Ever. If I had wanted to bite her I've had thousands of opportunities to do so. And yet mortal she remains." I was willing to swear that on a stack of Bibles. His thoughts indicated that on this claim my sincerity definitely permeated his thick skull.

"Seventh, in case you failed to notice at the hospital, she is quite ill at present. Please cease the unending calls to the house as she requires uninterrupted sleep. In the highly unlikely event that she desires to speak to you, rest assured she will be the one contacting you. And lurking in the bushes around her domicile is not healthy, psychologically or otherwise. If I find you there again..."

I then decided he needed one last push, I put my face into his neck and sniffed. And growled. Loudly. That was the point where he lost control of his bowels.

Because he looked sufficiently terrorized, I thought the lecture should come to an end, as all good things must. "It's been marvelous having this illuminating discussion with you on basic manners, Mr. Black. I trust that I have made myself clear to you in regards to your future behavior and thinking concerning my girlfriend?"

He nodded wide-eyed.

"Excellent." I flung him across the forest like a matchstick. I threw him just hard enough to make a point but not hard enough to do any damage. With a squishing noise, he landed on the mangled deer carcasses. He screamed and leapt up into the air covered in deer intestines that I had helpfully piled while he had been unconscious. The devil was in the details, I smirked.

At that moment the sky opened up and it poured again, cleaning the blood and viscera from him.

Because it just didn't strike me as right leaving him alone in the woods hyperventilating, common courtesy dictated I ensure my enemy be at least breathing properly before I departed. I reminded myself to allow Mary Alice to have another chess match with Bella for predicting the time and strength of the rain shower.

Squatting beside him, I encouraged him in a jovial tone, "Take some deep breaths, Mr. Black, I can definitely promise you that you are not going to die of hyperventilation." Yet. I even patted him gently on his back. I did not even leave a bruise. I was a veritable vampire Good Samaritan.

As he stumbled to his feet, screaming I said, rising to my full height, "I'm so glad we had this opportunity for me to share the happy news of my girlfriend's addition to my family."

Jacob looked ready to sprint. He just couldn't decide which direction. Poor thing. I almost felt bad for him. His father had brainwashed him for years into believing that my singer would be his for the taking. Reality, however, was intruding upon their mutual delusion. I did not envy him when he informed his father of my invocation of the treaty.

"Rest assured Jacob that if I wanted you dead, you would be. And no one would ever find your body. The only reason you still live and breathe is because I highly respected your great-grandfather so I'm giving you this one chance for grace." I took a single step toward him, and he quivered at my approach. "Because I firmly expect you to behave in the future, I want to assure you that we are going to abide by the treaty, and we strongly suggest you keep your end of the bargain."

He nodded, eyes wide, hands shaking.

"Although it is unfortunate you bear no physical resemblance to your great-grandfather Ephraim, I hope you inherited some of his good sense. The thing I remember most about him, aside from his intelligence and honor was that he looked at his wife Evelyn with absolute reverence. And I genuinely liked him. We were so saddened to hear of his death that we bought a house for his wife and left her money to care for their children. If you examine the deed to that house, you'll see the name of the Veritas Fund as the lender - a company we created. Our examination of your family's banking records indicates your father has been hoarding your college fund - one again we created for all of Ephraim's descendants. Had Ephraim seen how you treated Bella today, he would have cried with shame." I turned my back to him and began my departure.

"Oh, and Jacob?"

"Yes?"

His voice was quiet. I had given him much to consider his thoughts indicated. Although he now hated me more, if possible.

I pointed, "La Push is twenty miles that way. I hope you enjoy your stroll through the forest. Use your time wisely: contemplate your sins and think of the fine example your great-grandfather left behind."

I did not for one second regret making Jacob Black cry or soil himself. I only hoped he lived long enough to get everything he deserved.

* * *

**I have a link to Hezekiah's Grove on my profile. It will become important in the next chapter. It's a professional photograph by Mark Meyer who has some amazing landscapes if you want to check out his site.**

**1. The point of this chapter was to show just why the tribe hates the Cullens - well at least part of the reason. Jacob's life truly is a sad one and you'll learn more about why in the next chapter. It also sets up the conflict concerning Jacob/Edward/Bella.**

**2. George Santayna once said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." The tribe put all their knowledge into oral stories. They did not write anything down and instead passed knowledge along from elder to elder. What you saw in this chapter is the result of that tradition. The tribe now has mis-remembered what happened and they literally are terrified of the Cullens. They think that the Cullens are what started everyone fursploding in the first place. And then there's the fact that the Cullens have two tokens....**

**3. There is a nifty book by Walter Ong called Orality and Literacy that inspired this chapter.**

**Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a review if you have the time. Dream Edward is lonely. :)**


	20. HOD pt 9 Legacy

**Thanks so much for reading! Your reviews from the last chapter made me smile. **

**Snarky Summary:**

**In the last chapter we learned several things. Charlie has been not only at a convention in Denver, but taking his annual vacation with his girlfriend he thinks his daughter doesn't know he's dating: Paula Black. Jasper starts doing research on the lovely Miss Black. We learned about the complicated history of the Cullens and the Quileute tribe and why the Cullens really left town all those years ago after a wee bit of a dust up with the tribe. When they returned they were baffled by the outright dislike they found and fear from the tribe. Bella is released from the hospital into the eager arms of Edward. Jacob makes a pest out of himself and Edward and he have a memorable meeting of the minds. Edward 1 Jacob 0**

**This chapter goes out with many thanks to americagirl, notmyself, chloe9, and cavriola for their aid in helping in the process of naming the predator and general hilarity.**

*******I should warn you that this chapter does contain violent content. Quite violent content***** **

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother for her invaluable assistance and encouragement. This chapter would not have been possible without you.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward, the O'Shea family, Aaron, Hezekiah and the Predator are mine. So There.**

**All hail to vjgm for validating me.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness Part Nine - Legacy**

To claim that Jacob Black "thought" much of anything as he pussyfooted home floundering through the dense forest certainly stretched the precise definition of the word as he flopped face first into a sizable puddle of muck. Standing behind the welcoming branches of a Douglas fir fifty yards away, I shook my head as he clawed like a primordial beast out of the mud on all fours, gasping for air. Physical comedy aside, his mental dialogue intrigued me. He crawled upon a boulder - ironically the very same one that Emmett had lifted from his Great-Grandfather Ephraim decades ago as the rain hammered his shaking shoulders washing the grime into the cloth.

He was running so fast he neglected to notice the odd looking tree that promptly attached itself to his face. And goodness, as far as trees went, that one did appear to resemble some kind of goblin. Jacob howled backing away, rubbing his forehead, and scampered for a mile or two.

Once he believed me absent the illustrious Mr. Jacob Black sniveled like a little girl. Actually to label his blubbering as "little-girl-like" insulted vertically-challenged juvenile females the world over; I decided, channeling my inner feminist. Nattering Nincompoop. Generously, I had permitted him to live. Considering the number of men I had butchered, Jacob Black should be dancing in joy; although spritely movement in befouled sodden trousers could prove unhygienic and awkward. But still. I had also sincerely offered him invaluable guidelines for gentlemanly conduct as he was clearly raised by wolves, metaphorically speaking, thank God. His countenance resembled the unlamented Lee Quill far too much for my liking.

"We had been munificent in allowing him to continue perspiring on this earth, considering he had attempted to kidnap and enslave our virtuous little one into an unholy union." Starched Shirt Edward reminded me, straightening his tie.

True, all true, I nodded in agreement. I glanced down at my watch tsking; waiting for Ephraim Black's unfortunate progeny Quasimodo the Quileute Sulker, to cease caterwauling.

He rocked back and forth and whispered, "I failed," sixty-three times. He had merely experienced an unpleasant half hour, nothing more. If he really wanted something to cry about I would have bitten him. Try waking up without a soul, Mr. Black. Even I, while eradicating hardened criminals, had not been vicious enough to change a single one. Unlike my victims, Jacob had harmed more than some random human. He had attempted to put his filthy paws on mine. My human, that is.

Moreover, strangers haunting her dreams and interfering with her sleep upset my digestion. Since I had yet to locate the red-eyed people who frightened her; he ranked at the top of my agenda of her concerns that must be solved in order to ensure the psychological health of our dear little one. And did I mention I was not into sharing my singer with others? This whole concept of monogamy meant I possessed the moral high ground, of course. We might not have a classical romance in the strictest definition of the term but we did have a raging "scent-ance." In the name of "scent-antic" fidelity to my human - "scent-ogomy" if you will - I had to take a stand and defend my right to the scent of my territory. I mean my girlfriend. I mean my human. Blast.

After weeping for an excruciatingly interminable quarter of an hour, his mind became clear enough to discern logical thought and the contents proved enlightening. Jacob repeated multiple images of his father barking something along the lines of, "Boy, it's our secret; one day you and that Swan girl will marry." Smirking, a blue-suited Billy finished straightening his dapper tie and tapped his own forehead with his index finger as he uttered his delusion. His smile appeared so insincere; I expected his teeth to gleam. From the toad's pickled brain I could detect that even he had no idea precisely how that would happen he just believed it would. Odd. Very odd. What did he think he was---Quileute catnip? Irresistible singer bait? I think not. That would not happen over my undead body. Ever. And forever. Times eternity.

One particular image flabbergasted me as the elder Black lectured. "The sight of a leech triggers your wolf gene and you will phase like that." Billy snapped his fingers in Jacob's face. Shaking an index finger at him he predicted, "When that happens you will claim your birthright and restore the rightful glory of the Black name." He then cast his line and ignored his son as they stood by the still blue water. This must have occurred several years ago as a traffic accident crushed his spine last year, confining him to a wheelchair, forcing him to take a leave of absence from his successful refuse hauling business. What an imbecile.

Contemplating that image, the Blacks barging into the hospital days ago merited further consideration. Billy must have believed Carlisle's presence would spark Jacob's wolf gene. They had left quickly when Dr. Winters had frostily informed them my Father rested at home. Funny, in the two years we'd lived in Forks, the entire tribe had avoided us diligently. What motivated the Blacks to visit then? Somehow their master plan involved marrying my human regardless of her will and ensuring that Jacob phased. Well it was good to have goals, even if they were insurmountable. They had failed to factor me into that equation. And Mary Alice and Jasper, of course.

During our recent conversation Jacob's confusion and fright had amused me. He had thought, "When will it happen?"

Instantly, I realized he had actually expected to phase while hanging from the tree, legs flailing. Now I understood the reason he quibbled over the treaty, and why he had become increasingly terrified as our conversation continued. No wonder he wept. In his current thoughts he castigated himself for failing his father and the tribe by not phasing. Jacob decided he did not have the wolf gene and feared Billy's contempt. Scoffing, I could not believe some of the preposterous notions about werewolfdom that his father had inculcated in Jacob. Clearly the actual reason no longer mattered as not a single one by the smell of those I had encountered had phased since the deaths of Larry Uley, Hezekiah Stone, and Ephraim Black. I was right; he and his father were the quintessence of galactic stupidity.

The golden-colored moss in this ancient corner of the forest extensively garlanded between the towering trees and their wide-reaching limbs, resembling dripping honey. It almost appeared from a distance like a gigantic honeycomb rather than woodland coated in gold. Abruptly, Jacob curled into a ball and seemingly fell asleep. I thought my mind played tricks on me as a hauntingly familiar malachite green light emitted from his body. Slapping my face unfortunately did not make the emanation vanish nor did repeated blinking or the application of my fists to my Doubting Thomas eyes. Jacob's heart rate plunged from the pattering of a trapped weasel to the low throb of a slumbering child. Much to my relief, he remained human. Hezekiah stepped into view, clutching his carved walking stick in his gnarled hand. Since I saw him last his clothing had improved. He wore his Sunday best: black trousers and suspenders with a white shirt, and blue tie.

"You're a difficult one to reach," he grumbled trying to hide his smile behind his twitching lips.

"Pray tell how do you usually communicate with the undead? Smoke signals? Morse code?" I gazed fondly at the wizened man pointedly staring at his tie.

"I don't smarty-pants. I visit people in dreams. Since your kind does not sleep I had to take desperate measures. And don't mock the tie. Jennie picked it out." His expression became serene at the mention of his mate for a moment. Suddenly, Jacob started to snore loudly.

He scoffed at him. "Controlling his mind is easy. It's the temptation to smack him upside his thick skull I'm having the hard time facing. Oh what the heck." His spirit kicked a booted foot through Jacob's body. "Now that's just wrong, I can't touch anyone either? Fine." he complained to the sky shaking his walking stick in ire. After bellowing at the Almighty he decided to pester me instead, "You and I need to have some meetings."

"Please tell me you do not intend to send zombified Jacob to me on regular intervals. Can't you find a better idiot?" The young Mr. Black, alas, did not improve upon further interaction and I genuinely feared I might kill him out of desperation. Or boredom.

"Granted. I'll find someone else. Stop nattering. Now, the reason I'm standing here in the place we met all those years ago chattering at you is because I gave you the secrets of my ancestors." He blinked owlishly at me a sly expression on his face. "Clearwater would never have expected me to do it, so of course I did when our minds linked. He lacked the power to phase and never sensed it."

I recalled a slight push on that night when I had read his mind, but had dismissed it. Realizing that he had stuffed a corner of my brain with knowledge I had neither recognized nor requested disturbed me, although I appreciated he had not acted maliciously. He must have been desperate to trust a vampire.

Preening, he wore an expression of vengeful gratification. Reading his mind showed me Hezekiah died at Clearwater's hands. My control issues aside, I found myself forthwith eager to dispense justice in the name of my old friend, even if he did stink to high heaven in spirit form. Despite being physiologically impossible, my eyes watered. An ominous rumble resounded from my stomach. Suddenly, I regretted feasting on all that deer blood.

I fanned the air in front of me with my right hand. "You know, you really do stink." I couldn't help myself as I laughed while groaning and holding my gorge.

"Stop whining, you whippersnapper, you smell every bit as God awful to me, you know. I have to phase from time to time to keep Geronimo in line, the big crybaby." Hezekiah glared. Leaning on his stick he wobbled to a patch of earth in front of me.

"Touch him," he pointed a shaking finger at Jacob. Now I assuredly wanted to vomit.

"I'd rather not. I prefer women." One woman in particular as I imagined her in bed with me beside her trailing my nose up the column of her bare throat. Fully clothed, of course. Hezekiah's persnickety tone tore me from my reverie.

"I didn't mean touch him like that, Edward. I can't take physical form! You must have corporeal contact with a Quileute so I can unlock the memories and give you my power."

So Jacob embodied nothing more than a spiritual circuit breaker? "What could possibly motivate me to want generations of your people's knowledge actively scampering around in my brain?" Nobody's fool, I wondered about that power comment.

Tunelessly humming, he deliberated for a moment before craftily answering, "You permanently get all the stored powers of everyone in my line. I couldn't do as much with them because they were hard on my body, even in wolf form. You being immortal and all......It could help with your little missy." That now occupied my undivided attention. The power part sounded awfully convenient. Nothing was for free. Too bad he didn't have a waxed mustache to twirl.

"What's the downside?" My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You have to find my replacement." He said that so reasonably.

Thinking of the sacrifices I made for my singer, I crouched. With a disdainful finger I reached over and touched the sole of Jacob's boot as if it were attached to a mountain of bloated rotting human corpses.

"His flesh. You have to touch his flesh," Hezekiah impatiently stomped his foot, "and did I mention if you refuse I have to give the power to him?"

I pounced on the toad's cheek with one hand like a starving beggar on the last crust of bread thrown to a ravenous mob. To my consternation he nuzzled against it smiled sleepily and whispered, "Anne." Then his rubbery lips kissed my palm with a loud slobbery smacking noise leaving a trail of drool. Hezekiah and I both rolled our eyes and snorted in disgust. If his recent attempt at intimate relations with my hand represented his mastery of kissing, I can happily predict he was destined to remain single and unwillingly celibate forever more. Had he called out my human's name in his sleep I would have been forced to dispatch him on the spot. Clearly the fates had a perverse sense of humor and I'd have to investigate this "Anne."

Gritting my teeth, I touched the top of his wet head, longing to crush it. I felt a twisting in my mind as the memories fountained forth. Falling to my knees, I grabbed my head in pain. A flame of green light from Hezekiah hit Jacob and rebounded to shoot through me. It surrounded me as a current of raw energy stampeded through my frame. I shook like a human being electrocuted as agony similar to my transformation roiled up and down my body before halting abruptly.

Reading Hezekiah's mind showed my irises now glowed green. It felt quite queer, to suddenly have thousands of stories and complete knowledge of a language in a split second. They weren't in coherent form and jostled against one another making my head hurt to try to understand them. At vampire speed, I stood and moved away from Jacob panting. Feeling venom-scarred I held my hand out in the driving rain trying to wash away his slobber.

"How do you feel?" Hezekiah approached and asked hopefully in their tongue.

"You could have warned me about the pain. Jacob lives only by the grace of God, as I almost crushed him when the first wave hit," the world must have tilted on its axis as I now chastised him over Jacob's near death.

"Sorry about that. They drugged me when the transfer occurred and I don't remember much of it. Had I known I would have warned you, Edward. You remember now?" His regret was sincere so I stopped grumbling.

"It's a jumble at present. Is the change to my eye color permanent?" I responded in kind. My head spun at the whirling sensation of fragments of memories of men and women long dead.

"Green represents the power Edward. They change only when you use it. Don't worry if you cannot make sense of the memories at first. It will take time, I think, and I will instruct you. Once you can access them, I need you to teach the tribe," he intoned.

"When we last parted the Quileutes fondly envisioned my head impaled on a stick if I recall. Why would they even listen?"

"For the past two years I've visited all the elders save Billy Black religiously in their dreams telling them you are the key to the tribe's survival and that they must not act against you. Obstreperous mules they are." Hezekiah grimaced crossing his arms, fiddling with his walking stick.

"Since they have not interfered in my life when I expected them to, perhaps they've heeded your words." That would explain why no one from the tribe had attempted to halt my presence in my singer's life. No one official that is. Billy Black clearly remained ignorant because he would stalk me like Jessica Stanley if he suspected I held the key to tribal power.

Hezekiah scratched his chin snorting. "You need to give them a reason to believe in the dreams and talk to each other. I think you're devious enough to do it. Guard your little missy from that imbecile and his wastrel sire. They think to use an ancient flaw to entrap her."

"What flaw?" I searched the area of my brain holding the knowledge and gasped as pain lanced through me.

"Imprinting. We've only had it happen once in all our history. A new wolf will see a woman and instantly become obsessed with her. It's a flaw in the wolf gene. Billy Black hopes to spark it awake in Jacob." Hezekiah's thoughts were dismissive and revolted at the pair.

"Can they do it?" I'd break the treaty in a second if it occurred.

"No. They don't have the ability, thank God. The last time was a nightmare. Ephraim shakes his head in horror and even Sitting Bull mocks them now."

Red-eyed people, now visions from ghosts? I had to give my human credit: she had certainly made my miserable life indescribably fragrant, and far more diverting. My mind wandered for a moment.

Hezekiah waved his cane at me cantankerously to capture my attention. "I've used up my time. You owe me and I'm calling in the debt," his face transformed with a smirk, "and I'm fine with that last idea you just had. Mighty nice of you." he vanished with a raspy chuckle echoing in the forest. Hearing Jacob's heart rate accelerate, I dashed into the distance as he awakened, bewildered as usual.

Wiping his eyes glancing from left to right suspiciously like he was being observed; which, in fact, he was, he stood and took a deep breath. Shoulders slumped he scurried to the west. He sprinted in panic as a lightning bolt crashed into a tree thirty feet to his right. Another master stroke by my sister, although she had neglected to mention the visitation from shriveled Quileute spirits.

Jacob's cowardly screams frightened a rare group of White-tailed Ptarmigan from their shelters. I stared in admiration at their feathers - pure white from the winter as they took to the sky. Sighing with disdain I realized he managed to offend even the wildlife. Jacob bumbled away, howling, arms waving like stalks of wheat in the strong wind. His phantasmagoric world appeared through a curtain of grey water and the rushing sound of the driving precipitation's impact on the earth. This probably explained why he repeatedly experienced unfortunate encounters with large trees. In his mind their branches howled and greedily snatched at him like nimble starving zombies. I whistled in admiration of at least one quality. For a human; when upright he certainly ran fast and used a decent form, except for all that tripping business. Thankfully he headed in the correct direction, so perhaps a smidgen of Ephraim lurked in there somewhere.

As I ran back to my human's house, I considered what I had recently learned from the few memories that made sense. Ephraim had usurped Gregory Clearwater and generations of Clearwater leadership when the tribe had deemed him unworthy due to his temper. No wonder Gregory had been so defiant all those years ago at the treaty ratification. Also, his fury at not being able to phase on that horrible night took on an entirely new meaning. Darting through the trees, I heard a yelp and moved back to Jacob's mind.

Paula Black brazenly attired in a tight skirt and blouse whispered to an upset Jacob, "Your father is bitter he never phased, but I just know you inherited the ability from your Mom." She gently wiped away a tear from his cheek as she briefly hugged him. Paula nudged Jacob over to a baseball hypnotized Charlie.

Tawdry attire aside, she seemed quite loving in his mind. Jacob's thoughts held tremendous affection for Charlie, probably more than they did his own father. With his resemblance to his ancestor Lee already in his face, I sincerely hoped Paula Black's prediction never came true, thinking back to the bloody gnawed remains of Judith Quill. Because a wolf version of Jacob coming after my human actually would have given me pause.

Considering her age, I appreciated why Ms. Black required an ovulation kit and fertility drugs, but not why she preferred the sperm of that imbecile Charlie Swan. The children of that spiteful and unstable Black line combined with the emotional muteness of Charlie Swan might outdo the hypothetical combination of Jacob Black and Jessica Stanley's stupid children. Factoring Lee in the genetic mix they really would eat their young.

I summoned Starched Shirt Edward. Grumbling over a dusty tome by Saint Augustine's he glared at me askance. I asked, "Who was the patron saint of idiots?" Without a pause he replied, "That would be St. Telemachus - who attempted on his own to halt a gladiator match. The crowd of Christians who wanted to see it stoned him." Even Starched Shirt Me's lips twitched. What an apt saint for a moron like Jacob.

Given he was only 15, perhaps I acted harshly. After all I was the ostensible senior citizen courting a teenager. Did that make me guilty of criminal behavior? The Predator appeared by Starched Shirt Me and groused, "Why quibble considering we debated slaying her and an entire classroom of humans. Courting her represented by far the better choice from a moral perspective." Well, he did have a point, and he spoke of morality before the indignant Starched Shirt Me could sneak a word in edgewise, another rarity. And they agreed. Again.

"And can we work on the name issues? I have needs..." he blinked in hope. I told him to thoroughly research a list and that Starched Shirt Edward and I would decide. Scowling at us both, he wandered away muttering under his breath about oppression. We couldn't walk around with a silly personality name. That wouldn't do. After all, we had an image to maintain.

I halted as my mind wandered across a thorny issue. With my hospital declaration was I now officially her boyfriend? I felt incredible joy chastely kissing her, albeit when she was unconscious. She couldn't move then, well...much, and I restricted my lips to the top of her head, I thought piously. Mouth contact; although tempting, would be imprudent due to that whole venom stealing her soul issue - not to mention the infinitely more important venom stealing her scent conundrum. I simply could not risk it. Starched Shirt Edward injected, "Don't forget deadly. In terms of sin - it could lead to temptation and we spiritually adore our dear little one. We must have noble intentions if we intend to court her."

Well of course my intentions were meritorious. I was conducting important research that would benefit the entire undead world concerning my "scent-ance" with my singer. Although restricted to a sample of one; and therefore statistically insignificant from a purely empirical perspective, this priceless quantitative data would aid all. Countless vampires could be assisted due to my endeavors, although not a single statistical test could every reliably verify my results. It could even cause further positive interaction between my species and the humans as vampires actively searched for their singers to also have a satisfying "scent-ance". This meant, at least in this regard, I scored one point for me in my undead life. Tapping my fingernails against my teeth, I simply needed to determine how to ask her to be my real girlfriend and what exactly that concept meant.

Relieved, I began running. In actuality, I considered human romantic relations not worth my regard. Besides, the ones that I did observe appeared not to know what they were doing. They always seemed to be changing partners and squabbling. Perhaps Alice would know how I should pursue courting my human while keeping true to my principles - particularly the no biting and changing her scent principle-- the Golden Rule of my current life.

On second thought I could research the subject. Educating myself would be like child's play. After all I did hold multiple degrees and a ridiculously witless opponent. Jacob probably thought a standard deviation was a misdemeanor in three states, I snorted. She was mine; she just didn't know it yet. But I firmly intended to remedy the matter. Once I figured out how to avoid that whole telling her I was undead and could kill her with my teeth issue.

Everything hinged on my ability to maintain the illusion of humanity. My singer and I had been in awfully close proximity; more intimate than I had ever allowed any person. She usually had evinced normal amounts of fear for a shy person based on her heart rate and adrenaline. Thinking to earlier today, her heart rate had significantly increased on two occasions I reminded myself: at the hospital and in her living room. Jacob's boorishness had doubtlessly made her fear a physical confrontation, an idea so ridiculous I, again, laughed out loud. Yet she had been overwhelmed with emotion when we arrived inside the house, thanks to her parents' deception. She exhibited anxiety when alone with me at times over the past few weeks but I could explain that away with situational cues.

Despite my practice, conversing with her took effort. Either I wanted to say too much or else words escaped me. I would teach myself, however, and patiently strive to win her heart. Having her fall in love with me would be convenient for access to her. I shuddered at the mental picture of her realizing me for the beast that I was.

How many normal humans walked around expecting the supernatural in their everyday life? After all, she only was 17, but a mature 17 for her age and time. She did have weak dna - although she played chess with flashes of brilliance. She was ill, exhausted, and confused - but perceptive enough to realize she reclined on a new mattress set, sheets, and pillow. And she only was human. But my human. And I had zero tolerance for stupidity. Drat. This required considerable more analysis. Our human deserved a noble courtship. Jousting Mike Newton; although amusing, would doubtlessly be misperceived as criminal. Unfortunately. And treaty law prevented me from killing Jacob Black, although we were working on eliminating him as a threat. A familiar sound caught my attention.

"God forgive me for saying this, but that entertained me Edward." Laughing merrily, Mary Alice stepped from behind a tree grasping my shoulder to halt my steps. "You really outdid yourself in the drama department with those abominable table manners. He will still come back, but for the near future, everything will work like clockwork. You and Jasper could rule the world together, you know."

"Only with your assistance."

Her beloved had helped plan our scheme today. Daintily she sat upon a fallen log that lay like a penitent before a Pacific Rhododendron and patted the empty space in the moss to her right. With the rain pouring down, wearing jeans, boots, and dark long-sleeved shirts we looked an odd pair sitting oblivious to the elements. The house peeked like a shy child around the thicket of trees at us. Savoring the silence, we both stared straight ahead.

I traced my fingers into the pile of scarlet and gold maple leaves at my feet stirring them into the air, despite the deluge. "Did you know about the spirit?" I thought his absence unusual reading her thoughts.

"The what?" I told her about Hezekiah.

"Having all their ancestral memories in my head feels strange and he gave me his powers, Mary Alice."

"What powers? I can't see anything about them," she turned to me in alarm.

"He did not specify what they were. He'll be back to tell me though."

"It bothers me that I did not see this, and worse, I can't tell what is going to happen when I try to think about your powers. I can see you doing other things though so I'm not completely blind. We'll have to talk this over with the family later. I must admit I'm jealous. I'd like my personal ghost to appear give me gifts and lecture me from time to time."

I snorted in response.

"Edward, I had a vision of you and Bella this morning," she replayed the exact instant of me lightly kissing the top of my singer's head in the hospital and I sighed, I mean, in annoyance. Her vision skipped forward to me embracing my human in the parking lot nuzzling her ear. Why couldn't she be blind here too? I ignored that electrical feeling that roiled across my skin when I remembered that scent. Repulsed at the idea of having "scent"-antical thoughts about my human while perched next to my sister I stuffed the image to the recesses of my mind, vowing to study it later. At length.

"I behaved that way to protect her from Jacob," I insisted. Her eyes softened as she gazed up at me, punching me in the arm.

"Stop hyperventilating. You are so gentle with her it's endearing. I've never seen this side of you."

Guilt's teeth still tore at me that I had nearly killed my human in my virginal moment of shame. This morning's edition of the human newspaper reported that the California seismologist pictured had estimated the earth shook at 2.0 on the Richter scale. I wondered what real sex would do. I mean proper sex with my properly married, suitably conscious, prepared with appropriately tender and passionate foreplay, chanting my name in ecstasy wife. My brow furrowed as Mary Alice sadly distracted me from my thoughts.

"Edward, part of being on this earth means you make mistakes and learn from them. You have to forgive yourself for not being perfect." She stood from the log and wrapped her arms around me squeezing me tight. Alice was the only one of my sisters who ever hugged me and I rarely let her.

"I'm sorry." I mournfully hung my head.

Trying to cheer me she cracked, "You just publicly declared her your girlfriend you know." She shook my shoulders for emphasis on the word "girlfriend" and impishly radiated her happiness.

"Only to drive away Jacob I don't know if she'd agree in truth." I muttered abashed.

She pulled away to look at me. "I do have a question." She must really have ....oh..dear...now she was blocking me as she sat by my tense side.

"Go ahead," she couldn't embarrass me more than she already had.

"Have you ever kissed a human woman on the lips?"

I spoke too soon. My face melted like wax as my eyes darted to the leaves, hiding like a thief. The foliage was rather remarkable in the rain.

Mary Alice learned interrogation from the best: Jasper. She simply sat and waited patiently in the quiet. After twenty agonizing minutes, I realized every second I held my tongue deprived me of my singer's scent. Finally, I broke. "No," I whispered miserably, wanting to cry. Who would I have kissed? Over the years a parade of human females had fantasized about me. Every single one had captured my apathy. Loneliness' ache in the midst of loving couples had been my life. It took the scent of my singer to realize what I had missed.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Edward. You were turned very young. I know you were not attracted to any of the Denali sisters and am proud you resisted them. You can't pick a mate by default. With our isolated lifestyle from other immortals, we have not made it easy on you." She sounded so understanding.

"Mary Alice, I never thought I'd feel this way for a human. I don't know how to appropriately show her." Well, that much was definitely true. How did I say "I treasure your scent and am trying my hardest not to suck every last drop of blood from your luscious veins, when not tormented by my unrequited deadly sexual desire for you." Really, it worried me so.

"Hugging is socially appropriate. Kissing her on the forehead, hand, cheek or top of her head is perfectly safe provided you are gentle." My sister assured me I could convey some level of affection to my human. Then, reality's cold arms embraced me. She sighed. "Edward, open-mouthed kissing would not be practical, especially if she does not know your nature. You can be very careful to keep your lips closed."

"I'm afraid if I did kiss her on the lips something horrid would occur. I could crush her skull if I became distracted or lost control." I tried to calm myself. Although I appreciated Mary Alice's foresight, I did think it was far too soon to even ponder such intimate kissing. Surely we'd have to date for a year and be engaged before taking such steps? It was only proper. She was a lady. Then there was that other fear.

Mary Alice had this odd expression on her face as she said, "Take some deep breaths Edward. It will be ok. I'm here to help you."

I don't know why she encouraged me to take deep breaths. Vampires did not need to breathe and despite my rapid rate in inhaling oxygen hyperventilation was theoretically impossible. My sister patted my back in soothing circles, like a mother with a child.

"Edward, I realize talking is hard for you, but you will feel better if you share what is bothering you. And you know you can tell me anything and I won't judge." She laced our fingers together like last time we talked on that dreaded day and gave my hand a sisterly squeeze. I stared down at our fingers ashamed to admit my fears. Alice alone had the ability to aid me though, and it was on behalf of my singer so I finally spoke.

"What if she does not return my affections?" I intently studied the earth before me. "I don't know if she would want to kiss me. I'm not Dream Edward. Because of her Grandmother's influence, I have no idea if she really means what she's saying in her sleep. She's ill, most likely confused, and humans are notoriously fickle in their affection." I confessed. I was not that much of a cad. We can't take advantage of her I thought. Starched Shirt Edward called out from the stacks, "Again." Nettling Ninny.

"You have absolutely no idea how Bella looks at you." Mary Alice showed me a few images that made my breath catch. My singer might have blushed and glanced at me that way during a chess game but that was because I teased her, not because she wanted me. I should not push her further; my unrequited regard should not discomfort her. For once my sister was wrong. A tiny part of me dared to hope she was right.

"I gaze at her every opportunity I can. She is merely embarrassed about all the attention she's been receiving. I do not sense that she is attracted to me. She doesn't act like humans that have pursued me in the past." She didn't try to maul me like Lauren or Jessica envisioned. Unfortunately.

"Edward, give her time and if you play your cards right she will adore you. Let's table that debate for the present." She stood and then blocked her mind.

I wanted to cheer. My torture at her hands had been brief and I did feel better.

"We need to talk about your lavishing gifts upon her. If you do not muster some control you will drive her away." Again, I spoke too soon.

"I don't understand." I might not be able to verbalize my admiration for her, but I thought the little things I had done were enough to illustrate my affection. For her scent, of course.

"She is painfully quiet and loathes being the center of attention. The Armani wardrobe you planned would not end well." Alice showed me the vision in her thoughts and cut it off when my palm lifted supplicating for mercy. It hurt to see my singer's overwhelmed face as she was swarmed by a gaggle of whippet-thin fashionably attired Italians.

Taking her measurements one draped her in velvet and silk while chattering on a cell phone. Another scanned her form with a critical eye and argued her figure required the augmentation of a push-up brassiere. My singer's body was already perfect and I did not like the concept of those impractical undergarments that compressed the chest and impeded normal respiration. She had asthma for goodness sakes. The snippy fashionable Italians weren't taking a step near her or her perfect breasts. Which were mine. All mine. The rest of her body, too, of course. And her scent, which was the part of her I most revered. Respiration was a fundamental requirement for the production of her fragrance. Thank God she didn't currently own any of those contraptions. I would have had to burn them. I had been after all enlightened by feminism. I did not support the oppression of her flesh to please society's misguided notions of beauty: just mine. My appreciation of her and her scent, that is.

"Fine, the wardrobe is yours. I don't want to scare her." My singer couldn't be frightened of me. Then she wouldn't want to be around me and I'd have to chase after her like a deranged stalker. And it made my chest hurt when she cried, which felt positively disagreeable. I'd use a different strategy to see her properly attired. And providing clothing for Mary Alice would enrage Rosalie - another bonus, I mentally cheered.

"Edward, the thought is sweet of you, but I just ordered my wardrobe and don't need any more clothing. Mother could use it though. And you do not fully understand me. You need to end the non-stop parade of gifts."

"You're jealous because I'm shopping for her?"

"No Einstein, and let's leave my retail issues out of this. Bella comes from a financially modest background and rarely received gifts."

"Not even Christmas?" Humans went insane on Christmas I thought.

"She said her Mother considered gift giving materialistic," Alice sighed. I hated the sight of my singer's resigned face in Alice's memory.

"What about birthdays? Humans celebrate those."

"The Clearwaters throw her a fake birthday party every summer instead when she visits and I suspect give her small things to avoid angering her Mother. Her father is bad with remembering dates."

"That's horrible." I would lavish gifts upon her lovely self every day if I could.

"We've already done so much for her that any more will scare her. She does not understand how you feel about her, and right now she is vulnerable. Humans generally give each other valuable things after longer periods around one another."

"I merely intended to show her my esteem," I felt mortified, face in my palms.

"She's not focused on you right now. Bella is struggling to cope with her parents' deception. And she's worried the Clearwaters knew and did not tell her."

"I'm aghast that her own family subjected her to that type of cruelty." Well, I was. Lying to her was wrong. About that issue only. "Would it be terrible for her to develop distance from the Clearwaters?"

"Oh Edward, she spent most of her summers with them and I have the impression that she loves them more than her own parents. Their nickname for her is Swan." Alice scrunched her pert nose at that idea, "We cannot ever replace them, she stopped mid sentence...She held up her left hand, palm facing me, "He's finding the first container." I listened with my mind and saw Jacob stumbling against a tree smacking against a dangling waterproof circular container that bore his name. The words, "Do not open during the rain" were scrawled on the container. He slung the strap over his shoulder and kept running.

"Ah. Perfect. Right as planned." Moving back to our original topic she declared, "Lastly, you're going to have to tone down your over-protective behavior - it will come across to her as OCD."

"I am not...."

She ticked points off on her fingers. "You tried to sterilize her house's air ducts, Edward. You've already decided the college she's going to attend and set aside money for it. You've tried to dictate her diet with your Whole Foods makeover of her larder brother, dear. That's presumptuous and she will find it so. And you have absolutely no right to change her pain medication because it would affect the scent of her blood. She would suffer more on the one you prefer, and father and the family would be horrified at you." Drat. There she went again with logical arguments.

"I merely...." I sounded defensive even to my ears, and winced. My left hand toyed with the licorice ferns that sprouted from the moss of the tree. As one snapped, the fragile leaves reminded me of her. Perhaps I had gone a wee bit overboard. I felt shame at the medication issue as Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator glared once again in mutual agreement.

"Yesterday, Bella's whole world fell apart. She's independent and used to being ignored. Your earnestness to please her is coming across as trying to control her life. Please pay attention to her emotional state and show some sensitivity."

"Oh. Ok." When she explained it like that it all made sense. It seemed I poisoned everything I touched. I'd have to show her more care. Courting my singer required further consideration.

"Atta boy," She hugged me again. Pleasing my sister did have side benefits. I earned hugs. That felt amazing. Touching affectionately was something I rarely did with my family.

"We are, of course, intended that in a purely love-for-our-sibling sense," Starched Shirt Edward opined. "Ewww" I thought back at him sincerely repulsed. "It's a toss-up as to which image is more revolting: having improper thoughts about either of my sisters or touching Jacob Black's lips. And you call me morally depraved? Deviant. And Killer whales are mammals. Not fish!" He wore an expression of panic before adopting a determined face.

Charging back with a gleam in his eye I knew he would start our other annual argument. Every year at Lent he listed things I should give up for forty days as a sign of my religious observance. I should give up listening to music he would snipe, "Then we could hear our family having sexual relations which would invade their privacy and make us want to vomit in disgust," would end that argument. It had the added benefit of making him flush from head to toe.

"You should give up your singer for Lent," I'd never seen that one coming, I must admit.

"Now you've truly gone around the bend my good man. How could you threaten her safety when she's being stalked by that dog and red-eyed people?" The venom in my voice made him retreat three steps.

"I simply meant abstaining from smelling her." He huffed in annoyance.

"In that case I inhale her scent to desensitize from her allure. You are, therefore, advocating her murder."

"Oh my gracious Sacred Heart," he clutched his hands to his chest in panic. "Fine. But you have to cease thinking of her in a sexual way."

I smirked at his wheedling tone as we arrived at his real demand. I knew deep down inside he had those thoughts too. This was why mine bothered him so as he flushed to the roots of his hair with a self-righteous glare, arms akimbo. Sweat broke out on his upper lip. He broke eye contact and shuffled his feet as I stared at the front of his trousers raising a mental eyebrow. The Predator from his perch snickered, "At least one of us isn't in denial." I wasn't sure what that meant, and returned to my admiration of my singer.

I only thought of her physical form in a purely proper form of appreciation, I sniffed. I had noble intentions. Mostly. And not a shard of glass had been created around her since that infamous earth-shattering day, so he could pound sand. Unfortunately.

"Thinking about her in the manner I do serves to reinforce gentlemanly behavior on my part." There. He couldn't do anything with that argument. Pestiferous Pontificator.

"And there is one important thing you have forgotten that impacts you." I grinned in glee.

"What would that be?" he peered at me in confusion.

"You get Sundays off during Lent from abstaining. If I gave up thinking about her in the manner that irritates you so, I'd have to overcompensate for the duration of the entire Sabbath." That would make his usual symbolic loud praying at my refusal to attend church difficult I chortled. He couldn't kneel in front of the icon of the Blessed Mother with an erection. Fuming, he ran to the library. Mary Alice pulled me from my mental debate.

"Edward," she waved her fingers in front of my glazed eyes. "Where did you go just then?"

"Sorry. You've offered me much to contemplate."

"I know. I want to see you happy. And these past few weeks you have been like an entirely different person. You actually speak in full sentences not only to us, but to her. I'm so excited you've found someone so wonderful. And we all can see how hard it is for you." Eyes fogging, she suddenly laughed and announced, "He just found the second package and decided to open it."

We had ever so kindly left him a change of clothing in his size in a waterproof container under a wooden shelter. I had thoughtfully added fresh underwear, a wet washcloth in a plastic bag, and the finishing touch - baby wipes. Even better, Alice had left directions on where to find his car that she had moved helpfully ten miles away.

"Did it work?"

"He's changing right now underneath the tree," I saw him in her vision shivering as he crouched on the ground in the rain deciding to accept our gift. As her vision ended I kept my broad senses alert to follow him. Hezekiah's gift gave me the ability to see this not only from Jacob's mind but from outside him as if I were viewing from a bird's eye. I had so much more control this way, could take in more information, and his thoughts were easier to grasp. Even better, I didn't glow when doing it.

Wielding a sharp rock as a shovel, in typical fashion he ruined a group of Bunchberry wildflowers that adorned the forest floor in the process. He stripped his clothing piling it in the hole. Mortified, he used the baby wipes and fluffy bath towel we had considerately left, and dressed. Alice had managed to find the exact brand of jeans and the same long sleeved t-shirt that he wore at a vintage clothing store. We even tore the jeans in the same location, and had added a rain slicker that matched the one in his car. His father would never know unless he elected to confess and Jacob realized we had planned it that way.

He gathered his refuse in the hole in the ground, and scraped his shoes to push the clods of earth over the heap. I couldn't help but think as I watched his feet move the dirt that was the only time the earth would ever move for him.

Although I hated to brag, the sight of him naked left me underwhelmed in a purely heterosexual fashion. I was a doctor. Twice. Professional. And he clearly needed to see an urologist from the appearance of his virgin post---more like virgin stub. And maybe Tanya. He would need her advice if he wanted to ever have hope of reproducing. Scratch that. I would never let Tanya near him.

"Mary Alice," I hesitated. "Thank you for all that you have done and the counsel."

"It's worth it to see you so happy. And I like her Edward." Alice had never had a human friend. I could tell from her thoughts she enjoyed being with my singer.

We ran back to my human's house and changed clothes. As my family conversed, carrying my laptop I raced to her bedside, cheered at the rattle of her breathing. I noticed that Alice had filled the prescription I had disliked for her head pain staring at the bottle guiltily. She sounded better and appeared peaceful curled up facing the wall. It bothered me not being able to view her face, but I would not risk waking her for my selfish needs. Basking in her fragrance was enough. Besides, I had research to do and needed to focus, a task that sometimes became difficult when my gaze fell upon her phenomenal physiognomy.

Modern human courtship rituals mystified me. To aid in wooing her, I turned to Amazon for succor. I purchased several best selling texts in a downloadable format. The first I opened had a peculiar title: _If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs: A Guide to Understanding Men_ by Big Boom. Oh my gracious.

Mr. Boom took knowledge he had acquired from his meretricious career of economically oppressing women into sexual servitude and tried to convince the world in crude prose he possessed expert knowledge. I would definitely have to give the book to Emmett as a gift. I ordered it in hardback. The next book had the odd title _Dating for Dummies_. Although she rarely spoke, no one could label my singer "dumb". Glancing over fondly at her snuffling form, I reasoned just because I preferred the company of my human when she was silent and unconscious did not mean there was anything wrong with me.

_The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide - How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho_ by Brett Tate appeared to be completely useless. I ordered a copy for Newton. The book claimed to give human males a guide to achieving sexual persuasion by reading the minds of human females - a skill I already possessed. The reading the minds part, that is. I might not know what to actually say to woo women but the tone of voice I wielded was really all that mattered. The text also claimed to instruct how to create instant lust.

Starched Shirt Edward would agree with me that we did not desire to stimulate instant lust with our human - eventual lust perhaps but instant lust? I could simply exhale on her a few times to do that. I suddenly had a nightmarish vision of breathing on my singer at school and Jessica Stanley catching a waft and chasing me through the halls of Forks High with goldfish-like pursed lips extended arms grasping like a banshee.

Horrid hallucinations aside, And after what happened last week, I considered, perhaps I needed to rethink the sexual persuasion part or at least take my human somewhere in the remote wilderness without anything around that could explode. That would, of course, not occur until years from now after an appropriately lengthy courtship. But prior planning never hurt anyone. Clearly these books would not aid me as my vampiric charms already offered me the means to attract human females.

The Predator's voice in my mind complained "Chemically inducing attraction is not the same as our human genuinely feeling that way. I think Mary Alice is right - we need to stalk her in a different manner since she is an unusual kind of prey and we desire her heart, not her blood. And what about Tarzan? It's a manly name."

"I envision Johnny Weismuller yodeling every time I hear it, and Emmett watches the movie every week. Absolutely not. I would laugh at you. But thanks for the advice," he grumbled and stomped into the waist high bushes leaving for his den.

Mother's voice requested I retrieve our siblings at school. Taking my watch, I passed Mary Alice and Father in the hall. I sulked to the car, slumped in the driver's seat, and turned the ignition key. The sacrifices I had to make for my family - quality singer time was priceless. They had no idea of my heroic regard for them. On the way there, I may have pulled the car over for a few moments to collect myself. Perhaps I took in huge gulps of the aromatic paradise I now occupied due to the water from my singer's wet hair soaking the upholstery and the heated air enhancing the fragrance.

Again, she spoiled me in the little things she did. Her scent would take months to fade from the seat and now driving would be infinitely more pleasurable. And I would not even need to have her in the car, another bonus I thought with a fist pump that only made contact with the air. As I stared at my clenched fist, it occurred to me that it would have been awkward had the police tapped the glass to my left asking me to explain why I sat alone in a car with fogged windows sighing in ecstasy and moaning aloud with classical music blaring while not touching my un-aroused self. I was, of course, careful to engage in the aforementioned behavior well outside of vampiric or human hearing range.

"If she smelled this amazing," the Predator whispered, "what would she taste like? When we had kissed her hands in the rain our lips had remained closed and we hadn't even sneaked a teensy mouthful."

Glaring at him I said, "Licking her fists would be crude."

He grumbled, "But hot. And I think she would have liked it. And it really would have sent the dog insane." He did have a point on that. About the dog bit. Suddenly he changed topics, "What about Spike? It's a pop culture reference."

Starched Shirt Edward's revolted voice carried from the library. "Pop culture is filth! And our tongue will stay off our dear little one's flesh until we marry in the Church in a proper ceremony uniting our souls before God. Then we can tongue her all we like."

We both stared at him in silence smirking. His face turned bright red and he sprinted for his prayer bench. The Predator snarled and wandered away to think up more names. When I reached the school parking lot, the car filled with the three Vampketeers: TweedleEmo, TweedleBlunt, and TweedleShrew.

They took one sniff of the air and started joking about having a human polluting the atmosphere. Emmett raised his brows silently noting the wet rag I had recently used to wipe the fog from the car's windows. Smoothing her skirt, Rosalie acted like Bella had purposely rolled in cow manure and she was too polite to point it out with a delicate scrunch of her perfect nose in her deceptively angelic face.

I ignored Emmett and Jasper. They had both instantly killed their singers. My approach evinced superior self control, and frankly indicated I possessed more intelligence than both of them combined. Because of its overwhelming pleasurable effect on my senses, my singer's scent embodied the most important source of gratification I had ever had in my life, better than feeding. Also, I had the chance to experience it every day and all night long without causing a disturbance. Why kill her? This was a far more satisfactory arrangement. And perhaps one day, after an appropriate courting ritual and the exchange of rings I could take her to the middle of nowhere and attempt real sex--earth trembling making her scream my name repeatedly sex. Starched Shirt Edward slapped me back into attending my siblings.

It took them a few moments of teasing to realize I had another fresh scent on my hands. I made a mental note to scald them in boiling water before touching my human.

Emmett, the tracker sitting to my right scrunched his nose. "Ahem Edward, I know we've been teasing you and all about Bella and her scent, but you also smell like human sweat, skunk, and motor oil." A trace of Jacob's personal fragrance still lingered on my hand.

"Jacob Black came to the hospital waiting room, claimed to represent the tribe, and attempted to kidnap my human."

Rosalie and Jasper yelled in tandem the equivalent of "No way!" Emmett bellowed unrepeatable obscenities that roughly translated to "Oh no he didn't!"

"On film?" Jasper's voice showed the excitement we all now felt.

"Yes. Then he demanded she act as his Father's servant to earn her keep, made a disgusting offer to share a bunk bed with her, and compared her appearance to canine excrement." I did my best to recite that calmly.

"On film?" Emmett sounded delighted. What was with the repeating phrases? Was I not clear the first time?

"Yes with three separate security cameras. We also had a large audience."

Rosalie growled, "The pig! She can barely stand." Rosalie showing empathy? I needed to record this historic moment in the family Bible.

"Does he still have a pulse?" Jasper mildly asked flexing his fingers, "You seem awfully calm considering what you did to Newton."

"I can afford to be. She publicly chose me after I declared her to be my girlfriend. He followed us to the parking lot and I might possibly have barely missed hitting him with the car."

Emmett leaned forward and gently punched my shoulder. "Way to go, little guy. Our Eddie is officially dating!" Well not really. Yet. Perhaps. Ye gads!

Rosalie griped, "I might not approve of you and your human canoodling but I am impressed that she had the sense to reject him." From Rosalie that represented high praise, I marveled. Then again, she loathed the dogs. Two praising statements in a row? Could demons invade the bodies of vampires and control them?

"Billy Black raised him to believe she will be his bride. Neither she nor her father know. She doesn't even consider him an acquaintance."

"Have you told Carlisle?" Emmett sounded concerned.

"Father requested we recover this morning's security footage."

Leaning against the front seat tapping his fingers, Jasper grinned wickedly, "Am I going to be sending an e-mail of a film clip to Harry Clearwater?"

"I do believe you are," I smirked.

"Edward," Jasper continued, "Do you appear blameless in the video?"

"Of course." I appeared nonchalant.

"Stupendous," Jasper slapped his palms against the sides of my seat and all but jumped up and down. He couldn't wait to sow discord among the tribe. He didn't realize but Jacob had just handed him material that quite possibly might make the ever-masculine Jasper squeal.

"I sense a part two somewhere in there. Did he come back?" Rosalie asked.

"Half an hour ago, I found him lurking in the shrubbery outside her house. Mother gave me permission, so Jacob and I talked," Emmett managed to drag the entire story out of me reluctantly with his ruthless cross examination. They howled at the image of me feasting on deer with blood on my face causing Jacob to faint and spontaneously defecate, chortling in mutual mirth. Jasper had helped me analyze the treaty last night to make sure I followed it, so his mirth was compounded.

We stopped by the hospital. I used the strongest alcohol they had to disinfect my hands, scouring in Carlisle's office. My mind sensed Rosalie easily distracting the security guards by appearing lost. Jasper and Emmett took advantage of their absence from the control room to quickly copy the footage. We returned to the car. Jasper typed on his laptop. He whistled a tune from his time as he worked. The notes suddenly ceased.

"Edward and Rosalie, I have a medical question for you." Jasper's curiosity merged with excitement as he scanned the screen. "Why would someone have a prescription for birth control tablets from one doctor and one for fertility pills from another in a different city? Her pharmacy records show she filled both last week."

Beating me to the punch Rosalie asked, "Where's the birth control prescription issued?"

"That's the odd thing. She's going all the way to a Planned Parenthood in Seattle. The fertility doctor is in Port Angeles."

"My human said she saw a bottle of fertility pills and an ovulation kit on the back seat of Paula Black's car recently."

Emmett, ever the practical one, said, "Jasper, did she try to get her insurance to pay for both?"

"No, she paid for the fertility pills in cash. And they're expensive."

"She clearly wanted the pills and kit to be seen leaving them out in plain view like that. I bet she's faking trying to get pregnant and is taking the birth control. We'll know if we get within range to smell her. Whoever she's toying with is stupid." My sister again, mimicked my thoughts.

Jasper said, "The interesting thing is that she had a baby about fifteen years ago and did an excellent job of hiding it."

"Where is her child?" Emmett expressed my bafflement.

"Either dead, with his father, or adopted because he's vanished from her records." Jasper paused. "Insurance companies are better record keepers than the Germans were in the Second World War. I found the billing statement for the birth, although it was paid for in cash, and a birth certificate listing the baby as alive at birth and the father as unknown in a remote part of Canada. Those records were difficult to find, even for me."

"Why pay in cash if there's an insurance record?" I asked.

"It seems like the hospital automatically filled in the paperwork and sent it in without checking. She paid for the whole thing in cash and from the looks of it made the hospital withdraw the claim. The original claim form isn't there, just the paperwork clearing up the confusion and saying it had been paid in full on the delivery date."

Rosalie said, "Normal women don't show up to ER's with cash on hand to pay for the delivery of a baby. They usually have other things on their mind. We need to dig deeper."

As I parked the car in my singer's driveway, I noted the absence of the tribe gathered outside her domicile bearing torches baying for our blood. Emmett called out a low greeting as we entered. Our Parents were upstairs with my human by the sounds of it trying to persuade her to talk about her own mother and father. She answered in monosyllables sounding uncomfortable but trying to be polite. Despite Mother's gentle prodding, she still quietly refused to call either of her parents or take their calls. I would not interfere in that debate. My siblings and I sat around the kitchen table as I hacked into Paula Athena Andrea Black's email account with my laptop while Jasper edited the film.

The messages indicated her brother had paid for ten failed attempts at in vitro fertilization using the trust funds we had established for Ephraim's descendants. We would definitely have to put a stop to that. It would also enrage Billy Black and we could blackmail him into silence I smirked wondering at the legal penalty for embezzlement. Upon further consideration, the mental image of Billy Black rotting behind bars created a pleasant sensation in my mind.

Alice said, "I don't see any baby siblings in her future." And we all breathed a sigh of relief.

Curiously, the fertility clinic had sent her a letter of apology saying that a recent lab accident had destroyed her stored embryos. Her composed response seemed unusual for one that had been desperately trying to conceive. Jasper leaned over from his seat took one glance at the physician bills that she had scanned and sent to her brother, and declared them fake. He promised to follow the money trail later that evening.

Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and I huddled around my computer perusing the acidic emails between the Blacks. He berated her, "The only use I have of you is your womb and you have repeatedly failed to carry his brat." And she responded with one line, "Billy, never question my family loyalty."

I accidentally on purpose forwarded those emails to the accounts of Harry Clearwater and Chief Swan and his ex-wife. And three other tribal elders. It was only right. My siblings roared in approval, laughing hysterically.

Gathering around the tiny kitchen table we briefed our parents; as bundled in her bed, my human wheezed in peaceful oblivion under Alice's watchful eye. An Irish tune drifted down the stairway hummed in Mary Alice's soprano. Jasper's mood at hearing his wife's voice put us all in a happy state. He handed his laptop to Carlisle and they sat at the kitchen table viewing the edited footage while Rosalie snickered peering over their shoulders. Esme giggled a time or two. Jasper's editing made the tape brilliantly effective, managing to showcase Jake's behavior, my blamelessness, and the crowd's reaction.

"Edward, I'm very proud of you for defending Bella," Carlisle beamed.

"I barely did anything; your nurses were ready to murder him in a fit of vigilante rage." With a click of the mouse, I ordered them more chocolate online to be delivered every week for the next year. My minions required proper feeding of their addiction.

"You did us both proud, dear." Esme hugged me. If declaring my "scent-friend" was my girlfriend and tormenting Jacob Black was all it took to make my parents happy I might ponder an engagement ring in the near future and marry her in front of my parents and Jacob's squirming gagged and bound form. This faking being in love plan was the best idea I'd ever had.

"Something important occurred during my later encounter with the young Mr. Black that I neglected to mention."

"Oh?" Emmett chortled. "Did you break his legs, too?"

"No, but I think I definitely put a dent in his master plan."

"Which one? Killing us or taking Bella?

"Both, actually."

"We await with baited breath brother, dear." Emmett crowed.

"Jacob's thoughts in the forest indicate he's been raised from birth to believe that Bella is his to marry and neither she nor her Father has any idea of this. He and his father intend to use a Quileute legend to trick her into marriage. To protect us and her, I invoked the family clause of the treaty and claimed her as mine."

"What possessed you to do that Edward?" Rosalie snarled. Talking about the treaty in general made her grouchy.

"The Blacks could be attempting to use her as a wedge to drive us away. This way, she's taken out of the equation." My reasoning was brilliant. They couldn't argue against that.

"Do you intend to turn her?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

"And have them argue that I am breaking the treaty? Heavens, no." They believed me. I would never dream of depriving myself of her scent.

"Then I don't see how they can possibly protest." Jasper was awed at my audacity. "And you additionally prevented her from ever setting foot on the reservation."

"Exactly. Although we'll have to arrange her visiting the Clearwaters because they are important to her." I could listen to Alice. Sometimes.

"That really should drive them insane. Your invocation is permanent and irrevocably prevents Jacob from marrying her according to the treaty. He could never leave the land if he wanted to rule and she can't set foot on it without violating the agreement." Rosalie snickered.

"All are added benefits."

"That torment alone is enough to make me want her for a sister." Rosalie breathed with unholy mirth. "Seeing how you behave with her is another one. You're kind of cute." She giggled. That was my final piece of evidence. Rosalie had clearly been invaded by either aliens or evil spirits that forced her to behave like a loving sister. There existed no other logical explanation. Poor Emmett, what would he do without his spiteful wench of a wife?

Carlisle said, "I'm happy to see you so protective of her life, Edward. Once again, you made us proud today."

"There is another thing you should know." I continued.

"What is it son?" Mother thought my singer and I belonged together. I tended to agree with that wise assessment.

"Hezekiah visited me in a vision today and told me on that horrid night he had transferred all the Quileute memories and power he had to my mind. Today he unlocked it."

All talking ceased as they stared at me like I had confessed to being Elvis' undead twin.

Emmett's expression showed awe, "Eddie my boy you have become a man of danger and action. I'm proud of you PukeWard." He ruffled my hair with his meaty paw.

"You've had quite an afternoon, Edward. How extraordinary. Why did he give this to you?" Father wondered.

"He said Gregory Clearwater would never have suspected it." My family gaped at the idea of their holy man trusting me over his own tribe member.

"So why now?" Emmett said carefully.

"I have to teach their elders. He's been visiting their dreams for the past two years telling them that I hold the key to the tribe's future. In exchange for his powers I have to find the next shaman."

I had thought my family couldn't look any more astounded. I was, alas, wrong.

"Power like what?" Emmett asked.

"He said he gave me that of every shaman in his line, but he did not elaborate aside from saying my immortality permitted me greater use of them." I frowned.

Father said, "Edward we'll have to conduct some tests later to help you understand this gift. You don't appear to have suffered any ill effects from it so far. How do you feel?"

"I'm now fluent in their language but the rest is confused and thinking about it makes my head ache. Other than that, I feel normal." My family seemed relieved.

Carlisle sent a carefully worded email to Harry Clearwater with the attached film. He additionally informed him that we had obtained a temporary power of attorney for Bella and would care for her until Charlie returned. Father concluded with a reminder that we would be keeping all our promises. That should give them something to howl about, I thought.

He neglected to mention a few things. There was not an established end date on that power of attorney. Carlisle had contacted the school today faxed them the legal document, informed them of her condition and medication, and had her permanently excused from physical education. He also informed the school that should she fall ill at any time as he was her primary care physician, they were to call him immediately and allow his children to bring her for treatment from school. My Father amazed me with his care for my little one.

I focused my gift on locating Harry Clearwater's mind in his engineering firm. Pondering a successful meeting with a client, I heard him shut his office door sit at his computer and open the message. Gobsmacked, he viewed the film. Jacob's behavior appalled him, most especially how he claimed to represent the tribe and offended the entire room. When he heard Jacob comment on my human's appearance he broke a stapler in his ire.

Charlie had mentioned Cullen's son had taught her how to drive on the ice. She had been close mouthed about it on her visits to them, so he had dismissed it. His little Swan looked so happy in the cold one's arms. And the cold one treated her as if she were made out of spun glass and actually seemed to have feelings for her.

Despite his stinging conscience, he knew the treaty prevented him from warning her or Charlie. Also with a sinking feeling he admitted they had no wolves. If the Cullens broke the treaty they had no way of punishing them beyond spreading their secret - which would only make them leave and take Swan with them. He would have to contact them to discuss her - it was her only prayer and he loved her. With his children so ill and in separate wings of the hospital he and Sue hadn't been able to visit her which made him feel even worse. He didn't know if the Cullens would let him and Sue see her now. He wiped a tear from his eye and struggled not to weep, wondering at the dreams he'd been having. Although I detested his father, Harry Clearwater seemed a decent man.

Enraged by the Black's squabbling emails his repeated calls to Charlie's cell phone went unanswered. The hotel kept taking messages. Being Billy Black was about to become a miserable experience. Harry Clearwater called an emergency meeting that night. Maybe he should tell them about Hezekiah's message, he thought, as he stared at the clip of my face. His eyes fell upon the evidence we had also sent concerning the houses and trust funds. Why would the cold ones care about the tribe? He called his cousin at the bank to verify the account existed. My Father's speech dragged my attention from the elder.

"We should discuss Bella," Father said.

"Poor dear. I think Emmett should talk to her," Mother said.

"She has tender feelings and is very sensitive right now." And I wanted to say, and Emmett has none, but he had surprised me lately.

"Edward, are you worried that I'm going to try to drink from her?" My hulking brother sounded amused.

"Well...." I stared down at the ground.

"She's your singer." True. Mine. All Mine. Not Yours.

"And?"

Emmett's features became guarded. He rarely showed tact and I stiffened for the blow, "How do I say this...she doesn't smell like that to me."

"Are you suggesting her fragrance offends?" my voice rose in confusion.

"Well, no, but she doesn't smell very appetizing to me. Not bad, but in a crowd she would not be at the top of my list if I gave in to bloodlust." I could tell from his mind he spoke the truth. Rosalie, who did not share Emmett's opinion of Bella's blood, was ecstatic. Rosalie fantasized of ways to reward him in their marital bed that night - I mentally shuddered and closed off her mind.

"Please be gentle," I requested.

"I'll try later on tonight once she's had dinner. I like Bella. And I like seeing you in love." Emmett joked.

Emmett; because of his disability had a difficult time with tact, but he excelled in people watching. If I could fool the highly perceptive Emmett, then I was safe. I turned my attention back to the needs of my singer as it had been an agonizing forty-seven minutes since I had seen her last. I went upstairs accompanied by Jasper. I needed her scent after all. It hurt me to be parted from it. And her. Despite that whole planning to kill her business, Jasper had assiduously attempted to aid me in assuaging her fears when she had nightmares. As we approached her door, he sensed her rising distress and in turn conveyed those feelings to the entire house with his gift. She slept fitfully but soundly. Alice sat by the window in the rocking chair a slight frown on her face. "Edward, Chief Swan will have his cell phone off for the next five days. She'll be with us," she whispered at vampire pitch. Relief washed through me. We could take better care of her at such a delicate time.

The predator tapped me on the shoulder carrying a list in his hand, "Jack the Ripper?"

Starched Shirt Edward sniffed, "We will not take the name of a man who butchered prostitutes."

The predator drew a line through the first name and looked hopeful, saying "Caligula?"

"Which translates from Latin as 'little boots' a name surely to strike terror in the hearts of all educated individuals," I remarked. "Then there's that detail about him having sexual relationships possibly with all three of his sisters. Alas, no." Starched Shirt Edward's face became redder with each word of my explanation, "Vile, Incestuous, Heathen. We will NOT approve of such a name. Why not Moses or Methuselah?" He shouted at the retreating back of the predator. I told them both that I was otherwise occupied and to leave me in peace.

I sat in the chair to the right of her bed as my little one started to toss mumbling "No. Hide!" and trembled. My sister said, "I don't see anything happening Edward," and I relaxed knowing this was a simple nightmare nothing more.

Facing me, Jasper warily leaned over her trying to obtain a sense of her emotions. Her hand shot out and grabbed the blue sleeve of his oxford shirt. Jasper froze in panic. Humans never touched him; ones that lived, that is. The strength of her grip surprised him. Snarling, I separated her hand from him taking care not to hurt her and leapt. I covered her with my body resting my weight on my arms. My brother hadn't moved, nor had he struggled when I had removed his arm which is the only reason I allowed him to remain upright. Bewilderingly, his thoughts held no bloodlust and my soundly asleep singer failed to awaken despite my weight pressed against her.

Jasper stared at us in amazement not because of my scandalous position but because I now emitted a vivid dark green light from both body and eyes as I glared at him ferociously sending a wave of emotion that sent him to his knees clutching his head in agony. I felt warm green energy staring at my fluorescent hands as I lay against her body. I could sense Hezekiah's gift at play. The vision struck all of us at the same time like a tsunami of suffering. I pressed my forehead against her own wanting to shield her as best I could. At the first image my brother already crumpled on the carpet, curled into a ball and screamed. From across the room, Alice froze in the chair mid-rock and whimpered as we collectively fell into a hallucination blasted by Jasper's gift.

Clad in a Confederate uniform, Vision Jasper wailed and rolled in the mud in blood-drenched wet grey clothing under the canopy of a centuries old oak tree. Three bored vampire women, two blondes and one tiny brunette stood over him. Feeling the extreme heat of the day as sunset approached, we could smell the wet earth after a recent rain shower. The scent of his turning blood along with the combined foul stench of a nearby crowd of terrified men overwhelmed. Vision Jasper suddenly screamed in torment and violently seized, apparently at the end of his transformation. We could all feel his pain. Worse, Jasper's gift magnified it as he exuded his pain at experiencing the vision to the entire house. Alice and I now had a double-dose of emotion and agony. I clenched my teeth and refused to move from her body. She needed me to shield her I chanted. Besides, I told myself the pain of my transformation had actually been worse. I could cope with this.

To my utter horror, Alice and I both felt his newborn bloodlust raging through us. My face buried itself in the soft side of my singer's neck and I stilled and moaned in ecstasy as bloodlust and sexual desire hit me. Newborn Jasper had been confused with all senses firing after he glanced at the brunette. He had wanted her and to quench his thirst and the bloodlust won although the sexual desire remained.

This was my worst living nightmare considering my emotions and the presence of my family. Never in all my time around her had I been more tempted to take what I wanted, ironic considering I crouched over her in an attempt to protect her. This time I couldn't leap away if I wanted her to live as I felt the bloodlust and sexual lust roar through the house. Not only would acting on it be reprehensible, but acting on those desires in front of my family would definitely send me to a much deserved exile. Clenching my eyes shut I drew upon every bit of my shredding control. Furiously, I gulped a mouthful of burning venom, begging God not to be this cruel, shaking with the force of my need. I thought of my atonement, I thought of Sister Claire. I thought of my horror after my orgasm at nearly killing my human. I remembered the frantic look in my singer's eye the night of the crash. When we touched before impact, a jolt went through my body as she frantically tried to protect me. I remember my terror upon feeling the buckling metal and shattering glass realizing I could lose her. The anguish I felt when she lay ill in the hospital crying out for me rebounded in my mind. I held onto those images my lips firmly pressed shut as she slid her face against mine and ran her fingers along my temple while sound asleep. My emotions careened into Jasper, adding to his already incomprehensible agony as he shrieked from the floor and sent them right back outward, causing his wife to tumble from the chair and fall to the carpet writhing in pain. I sensed our entire family fall to the ground in pain across the house.

A power rushed through me as my mind rebelled, howling in agony. I wanted her blood. Yet I couldn't kill her, and had to protect her. In a paroxysm of suffering I wept unable to tear myself from her and clenched my fists on the bed. Terrified I felt the earth tremble and glass shatter everywhere. Of this much I was sure, I had not climaxed I thought in confusion before returning to lusting after her body and blood. The Predator patted my shoulder firmly and said in a soothing tone, "You have the strength to endure and know you can't harm her. Even I wouldn't bite her. Stop breathing but keep protecting her from Jasper," He definitely deserved a name now, I thought in gratitude and I ceased respiration begging Hezekiah and God and Sister Claire to give me strength to protect her from myself and my family. Somehow I managed to regain control as the vision captivated my emotions. As my eyes opened, I realized green and white light surrounded us as she caressed my face. My entire family seemed to calm although everyone still felt pain. A wave of fear from Jasper inexorably yanked me back to the vision.

One of the vampires cooed, "Oh, our present awakens." His blue eyes opened and changed to bright red as he stood. The tiny brunette grasped him by the jaw and said, "You must be thirsty. My name is Maria. Welcome amorcito. We're going to be such good friends. There's your breakfast." Wearing an angelic smile, she pointed to a weeping group of sixty bound Confederate soldiers sitting in their own waste, in a pen shaded by large oak trees. I could sense their admiration, respect, and despair for Jasper. They had witnessed their brave major's entire transformation praying to God to be delivered from the demons. Of course no one had offered them anything but water. They needed to be hydrated in order for their blood to matter. Two bloated corpses lay nearby: the men had literally expired from fright.

With a feral growl; Vision Jasper gracefully moved toward the pen as his soldiers quailed from his newborn eyes. One tall gangly red-headed man yelled, "Jasper if you're in there I am Aaron, your best friend. We joined the army together. Save me!" he begged with bound hands clasped in prayer. Ignoring him, Vision Jasper lunged purring for the shrieking crowd of wretches with greedy hands and ecstatic eyes. The first victim, his sergeant Murphy, screamed as Vision Jasper crushed his ribcage in his haste to feed. I winced at the sound of Vision Jasper tearing at his chest to gulp directly from his heart while the still-living Murphy wailed. Vision Jasper felt so good, so happy as the blood entered his system replacing his desire for sex. Murphy's cries annoyed him so he tossed him aside to die on the ground, forgotten. Alice and I both shuddered as we experienced both the satiation of Jasper's feeding combined with the terror of his victim and the men around them. I did not have time to note that neither she nor I felt bloodlust or regular lust any longer - the other emotions slammed into us cart wheeling our minds into the whirlwind of torment.

Vision Jasper needed more as the intense bliss swept through his newborn system. Some of the men started laughing as they died at his hands as his gift clearly began to show. Others he merely chomped for a few moments carelessly crushing bones to flick them away seconds later, still alive, to die slowly from blood loss and shock. As he waded through them at vampire speed leaving pitiful cries in his path, joyfully slaughtering through the press, the strength of their fear started to impact his new gift. Maria's delighted laugh accompanied the terrified wails of the dying soldiers. "Show him how to feed properly and how to turn a few won't you? We can't waste them all," Lucy whined as the emotions hit her. "Oh I intend to. I intend to. But let's let him be well-fed first. You have to crawl before you can walk."

Mindless with blood lust, he never drained any single human, greedy for the next one. Like the past visions, the senses of taste, touch, scent, smell and sight functioned. Our previous visions had been of human lives and human emotions. This one, due to Jasper's own volatile newborn nature combined with his gift amplified the stronger vampire feelings. We felt Vision Jasper's raging emotions, the terror of his victims, and my brother on the floor's fright, shame, and despair all at once. Worse, our emotions rebounded onto him causing the pain to escalate exponentially. The double-blast of vampiric emotions combined with the sheer volume of the human ones made the hallucination truly the most hideous thing I had ever experienced. Part of my consciousness focused on the vision, the other part concentrated on trying to shield my singer with my body and my mind from Jasper's power. I prayed to Sister Claire to please aid me as my mind was yanked back into the vision. It almost felt like someone mentally forced my eyes to watch against my will.

Of the crowd of men, he only managed to turn one. Drenched in blood; a beatifically grinning Vision Jasper saved his friend, Aaron, for last. He did not utter a word as Aaron begged in the name of Christ for him to stop. Tearing into his throat with unholy glee, he injected his friend with venom by chance. Maria's malevolent eyes seemed to stare straight at us. Her viciousness, even by vampire standards, was profound--although her companions appeared to be just as bad. With a roar, Vision Jasper flung the broken body of his friend through the air to land in the same place on the earth that his own had occupied minutes before. He scrutinized the area for more prey as his childhood friend choked on his own blood with twitching limbs. Since his throat had been torn he couldn't scream as the first wave of venom struck Aaron. Because of the way Jasper had bitten him it would take longer to transform so the tallest of the three women, Nettie, nibbled his wrists and ankles and heart murmuring endearments through bloody teeth into Aaron's horrified eyes. A glimmer in the background distracted me.

Over Maria's shoulder, two figures appeared in the distance. The short hairs on the back of my neck actually rose upright. My human's grandmother, dressed in the same outfit she wore in the 1980 picture I had ignored days ago in the attic stood by a man who resembled her. I may not have recognized her body, but I instantly knew the feel of the minds of Genevieve and Liam O'Shea. With a start I realized exactly who blinked at me. Gazing at me as if she understood I could see her, Genevieve O'Shea Swan sent me a message with her thoughts, "Pay attention." She held an apple in her hand like a priceless treasure peering at us intently before turning and walking away into the forest holding her twin's hand. Vision Jasper emerged from his bloodlust on the ground surrounded by the shattered bodies of his dying or dead men. He wailed in terror at what he had just done, and moreover, thoroughly enjoyed. Head in hands, he realized he'd have to kill the survivors personally as he looked over and saw Aaron's twitching body surrounded by vampires. The whole image vanished.

A crashing noise sounded near the doorway. I focused on my human and couldn't be bothered by anything else. For a second I kept my cheek against her smooth skin. With all of my being, I closed my eyes and prayed to the Almighty who had ignored me all these years that she had not witnessed that phenomenon. Clasping her left hand that had stroked my hair with my right, I moved my body off of her to the left. I rested my weight on my left arm and desperately checked her vital signs with glowing hands as the rest of the family careened into the room. She remained deeply asleep.

Alice dashed from the chair and threw her body at her tall husband as he rocked back and forth on the floor. When he opened his eyes at her touch, they were an unusual shade of light blue. His wife's were a shade darker than his own.

When they had first stormed into the room; Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme still reeling in pain and terrified at the experience, had seen the green light shining from me. They had remembered the sight of the wolves phasing. Emmett had moved to separate my singer from me only to be physically restrained by our Father who said, "Wait. He would never hurt her. He ate 5 deer not long ago. His eyes are not dark and her vitals are stable."

"No but they and he are a freaky shade of glowing green like the wolves. From downstairs I couldn't tell if Jasper and Edward were draining her dry or if Alice and Jasper were having sex while Edward drained her dry - it was horrible." Emmett said.

They turned to look at Alice and Jasper. My family watched the topaz slowly come back to their wide eyes which reminded me once again of our damned existence. Carlisle looked at Jasper and Alice and said, "Are you in pain?" Jasper nodded. My singer stirred against me.

I had no idea if she had been harmed. Considering that vampire emotions contained so much more strength than human ones, I feared Jasper's wave of power might have scarred her for life and I pulled her against me as she started to shake with what I hoped was a normal nightmare. Her dark head fit under my chin as her back rested against me. She still slept but trembled, sobbing. I shushed her, my hands delicately caressing her face and hair, "You are safe. I am here little one. I will never leave your side." As I held her quaking body against mine wincing at her tears that landed against my hand like drops of hot wax. Seeing my stunned family, at that moment, it occurred to me that this must seem awkward, me radiating green light and being in bed with my human despite the quilt that separated us. Moreover, my singer seemed perfectly used to it as she plastered her warm gloriously scented body against every inch of mine. Esme thought "His eyes are the loveliest shade of green I've ever seen. I think that green light is from Hezekiah who would never harm my son. Oh my goodness. It's not proper but she looks at home in his embrace. Poor dear she must be terrified. And Edward looks frantic."

Mother's concerned thoughts turned to Jasper as hand over mouth; he lurched from the ground, sprinted to the bathroom followed by his frightened spouse and violently vomited. Shivering in shame, we once again experienced his raging emotions, and I thanked providence the houses on either side of us were currently unoccupied. Although she still slept his terror from the vision had transferred to my little one who literally shook in her sleep although not as bad as I had anticipated. Alice tried her best to calm him. Rocking his large frame in her arms she sang "Long, long ago" from his time; running her fingers through his blonde hair, kissing his brow. The rest of our family had not shared the vision. I turned to my singer in panic as more waves of Jasper's fear struck us all.

Her weeping increased. Pushed past the point of my endurance, I could not bear to see my singer suffer at my brother's hands. I continued to caress her hair to offer her what little comfort I could. Pleading at my parents with my eyes for understanding, I turned her blanketed form so she faced me. Cautiously, I reached out a shaking hand and stroked my little one's brow as she laid her face against my chest crying in her sleep. I tried to take the energy I could feel coursing through me and sent it to her thinking perhaps it might help shield her from Jasper's pain. Remembering a tune that my human Mother had crooned to me while ill, I started to sing thinking of how much I needed to protect her.

Suddenly, I felt unnaturally calm. A flame of green fire seemed to come from my bright hands and after a few moments, her trembling ceased and her tears halted. Everyone in the room seemed to calm as well as they heard her heart rate slow back to normal as my hands ran through her now glowing tresses. Relieved, I temporarily forgot my gawping family's presence and for some peculiar reason could not resist tracing her forehead gently with my fingers, as I sang the last line, "Sleep my love. I will always hold you safe in my arms."

She kissed my shirt and mumbled, "Safe. Hidden. Soon." We all froze at her words. Genevieve vexes us with unfathomable visions and I can't understand a word her grandchild utters in her sleep that allegedly deciphers them. Unlike my fantasies, the first time my singer kisses me; she aims for fabric not flesh. Clearly tormenting me was a dominant family trait. Women, I grumbled, as I continued to stroke mine.

Rosalie smirked, "I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be standing in a room catching Edward in bed with a woman. And of course, he's fully clothed." She snorted, giving my singer a fond glance. She blocked her thoughts from me immediately.

Esme cried in joy as she hugged Carlisle, whispering, "He's found her, Carlisle he really has." I made a mental note to behave inappropriately with my singer in front of my parents more often. Holding a stenographer's pad the Predator scribbled and said, "Got it!" and sauntered back to his lair. He had now taken to wearing a wooden sign hanging from his neck with the words, "Name Me, Please" crudely scrawled.

At vampire pitch Emmett whispered, "What else can happen? We've had Edward claim her, Hezekiah give him power, feuding with the tribe, another excruciating vision thank you very much Jasper, and an earthquake. Can we paint some lamb's blood over the door? I'm waiting for the locusts to swarm." His dark humor broke the tension in the room as everyone chuckled.

"Her visions seem to be growing in strength. And I believe we've all experienced the shamans' power." Carlisle answered staring at my human's face, pondering her words, wondering at the green light and the magnetism that he discerned coming from me.

"For right now as long as you are chaperoned, you may remain as you are, Edward." I had the most wonderful immortal Mother in the world who allowed me to lay in bed with a young, gorgeous, vulnerable, unmarried human female under her care, as my equally amazing Father mentally agreed with her pronouncement.

Pulling me back into Jasper's misery, Esme asked, "I don't know what that was but it must have been horrendous. I've never felt such agony in all my life. What did you see, son?" Remembering the painful emotions they all had experienced from the vision, Mother wondered what on earth could have frightened someone as brave as Jasper. I offered an edited version.

"We re-lived the moment his transformation ended followed by his awakening. The vampires who turned him were vicious. His fear stemmed from them." I struggled to maintain a blank expression. Appreciating the ghastly circumstances of Jasper's transformation; I felt a new kinship, although I could never share that with him. Our family didn't need to know how many men Jasper had killed for his first meal unless he elected to disclose that information. It wasn't my story to tell. Jasper sensed my reluctance to speak and guessed my motivation. He quietly thought, "Thank you," as he huddled miserably in his wife's arms in the bathroom. He seemed better and attempted to calm himself with all his might. He emitted waves of pain, fear, and shame as Mary Alice's thoughts were filled with unconditional love battling for control with his gift. I certainly understood Jasper's sentiments as I sheltered my human in mine. Mary Alice took his hand and they left the house running into the woods to protect us from his gift while he regained control of his emotions.

Although her heart rate had slowed she still seemed restless, so I began another tune. Stunned, I tried to think while singing to her, wondering what the vision meant as my still glowing hands rhythmically soothed my singer. Even more I could not understand how Alice and Jasper had experienced the vision without physical contact but the rest of our family had not. I experimented with my new abilities. I willed her to have a deep and restful sleep safe for a little while free from fear and harm of red-eyed people as my hands continued to trace her forehead and temple. Moving to her hair I recalled the wonder I had felt at claiming her out loud for my own that day. Through my family's eyes I saw that green light continued to shine from me as I moved my hands across my human.

Mother said to the family, "Have any of you ever heard him sing?" They all shook their heads "no".

Rosalie said, "His voice is absolutely gorgeous and the most haunting thing I've ever heard. I can't believe he's been holding out on us all these years," she appeared to be crying.

A verdant nimbus surrounded the two of us and her jade medallion pressed against my chest had changed from dark green to burning white. Power fountained from it into my body, although the pendant did not appear to harm. It gradually faded in color and intensity. I ended my tune.

My singer whispered, "Mighty nice of you," and plunged into the deepest state of slumber. Artillery rounds could explode in the room and she wouldn't awaken, I thought in relief, as my body gradually stopped glowing. I envied her ability to shut out the world, missing the ability to dream.

Father's ears monitored my human's vital signs. The rest of my family had stood gawking at me the entire time. A newly calmed Jasper re-entered the room accompanied by Mary Alice. He said, "I don't know why she gave me that particular vision. To tell the truth I had always blocked it from my mind. And you all had visions from your human life. I had one of the end of my human life and the beginning of my immortal life. There doesn't seem to be any discernible pattern." Once he put the emotion aside, the tactician emerged in my brother.

Jasper appeared forlorn. Mother leaned over to hug him in her arms and said, "No matter what we love you." I kept my features impassive.

Carlisle moved to join them and embraced my brother, "Jasper when you say you had blocked the memory what do you mean?"

"I have not been able to recall much of my newborn years for quite some time," he held onto his wife's hand looking at the floor.

"Do you realize how rare that is? We have perfect memories of every moment. Many wish they could forget," Father prodded in a nonjudgmental voice.

"I know. I really can't imagine why that particular memory came. But if anything served to remind me of why we keep our diet that scared me off human blood forever." He shuddered. We all could feel that he meant every word.

Alice spoke quickly. "Jasper, did you notice the strange people in the vision?"

"Yes, that never happened and I knew them not." He scratched his head.

"It was her grandmother and her granduncle, Genevieve and Liam O'Shea," I informed them. Everyone in the room save Alice and Jasper immediately made the connection. Rosalie stared at my little one as if she had spontaneously grown another head.

It certainly felt awkward laying here pretending as if we were alone caressing her hair. My family's constant ogling didn't help matters. I vowed to ignore their behavior. She was mine to hold after all, I yawned.

"Please explain further," our Father queried.

Alice said, "In the far back stood the O'Sheas. Her grandmother held an apple in her hand like a treasure. They seemed to recognize us and turned and walked away holding hands like ghosts into a forest."

"Alice and Jasper, they were a set of twins I delivered days before we left Hoaquim," Carlisle recalled, eyes far away. "Mrs. O'Shea would have died without our aid. During the delivery she kept saying that she had to live to keep them safe, which did not strike me as any different from a typical mother. She predicted she bore twins and she knew their genders, which was odd." We could not think of anything of import beyond the location of their large farm that bordered the Quileute land.

"Father, do you recall this?" I lifted the medallion from between us and held it into the air for them to see. At the time Father treated her, I had not looked upon the form of Mrs. O'Shea out of modesty so only my parents would know.

Father remarked, "I recall seeing it."

"Dear, don't you remember she removed it when we entered the room? As we left I caught sight of her donning it." Mother prompted.

Rosalie softly whispered, "I was so focused on the babies, but I did see the medallion and thought it beautiful and very old."

Emmett joked, "You all feared I'd eat her and the babies and left me to distract her husband. We played cards and traded Bible verses for two days."

"It's cold to the touch, unusually so, and yet she wears it without discomfort," I said.

Mother reached out and took the pendant from my hand as Father moved by her. Both felt the frigid jade and wondered at its temperature. Father gently released it from his grasp to fall against her chest. Curiously, the jade started radiating warmth as it lay pressed between us. My siblings gawked which seemed to be a common thing to do in my presence these days. Their minds told me I glowed green again.

I heard Emmett joke, "Well there's one bright note in this. Edward insisted on buying two extra copies of everything he replaced in her house and had them stored in separate warehouses fifty miles apart. Rose and I could have the house fixed in hours," he promised our parents.

Esme said, "We should move her back to our house. There's glass everywhere and it's cold for a human outside. We don't need her catching a chill."

Father said, "That's an excellent idea. I have to stop by the hospital to make sure my patients are ok. Edward, why don't you take Bella to the house now? Edward? Son?"

My eyes started to droop and a relaxed sensation spread through me. I could hear my family asking questions from far away. They now sounded like they were shouting to me while I swam under water. I registered a noise like something crashing against a barrier and dismissed it. Focusing all of a sudden seemed impossible as I could not tear my eyes away from my lovely singer as my head rested against her pillow. I gave thanks she still lived. Breathing in her magnificent fragrance surrounded in her warmth, I celebrated the feeling of her hand as it curled against my chest. With my left arm lifting her to me and my right had tangled in her hair, I reverently kissed her forehead, ignoring the power that raged from her pendant. "Edward," she sighed in her slumber, sparking my hope. Lovingly, I lowered her to my chest, wrapped in my devoted embrace. As my eyes struggled to remain open, I sensed the intensity of the green nimbus crowned by white. For the first time in over eighty-eight years, I succumbed to the siren call of Morpheus and surrendered to slumber. My ossified heart started to beat in time with hers. I knew no more.

* * *

**The Predator is blinking at you hoping for a review. Starched Shirt Edward is face-palming Dream Edward aside adding that he prays for everyone who reviews.**

**Snarky Summary**

**The books that Edward peruses at Amazon are, alas, real. Big Boom really does have a book. For hilarity's sake I highly recommend reading the summary about the Inner Psycho. It will make you howl. I have posted links on my profile for pictures and such you might find amusing. **

**A whole heck of a lot happened in this chapter and will continue to happen in the next ones. Edward reads Jacob's teensy thoughts and gains an entirely new interpretation for why he behaved the way he did during their confrontation in the last chapter. Edward in short, rocked Jacob's world in an entirely unexpected manner. Hezekiah Stone, the Quileute shaman Edward befriended appears in ghostly form and tells Edward that in 1940 he stuffed Edward's brain full of the Quileute ancestral knowledge and that he needs Edward's permission to "unlock" it and for Edward to find the tribe's next shaman. Just a wee favor. In exchange for this, he offers Edward every shaman power in his line. Edward accepts when Hezekiah says they might be useful to Edward because his immortal system is stronger and it might help with Bella.**

**Jacob has a few practical jokes played on him by Mary Alice and Edward - who enjoy watching from afar while Mary Alice discusses with Edward the hazards of courting a human. Edward decides to conduct research at a bookstore on dating rituals. The Predator is campaigning for a name. The Cullens do some detective work and recover the footage from the hospital encounter with Jacob and hack into Paula Black's email accounts and pharmacy records - oh my. Edward informs his family about invoking the treaty concerning Bella.**

**Carlisle contacts Harry Clearwater with a copy of the Jacob behaving like a jerk footage and emails from Paula and Billy Black that Edward knowns nothing about finding. While standing in Bella's bedroom, Mary Alice, Jasper, and Edward share a hideous vision on exactly how Jasper was transformed - a vision that oddly includes two figures that weren't there - Genevieve O'Shea Swan and her twin brother Liam - the twins that were born in 1940 the day the Cullens left town. During the vision, Edward causes another earthquake. The chapter ends with Edward taking Bella into his arms, falling asleep. And his heart starts beating.**

**Hezekiah's powers should NOT be clear in this chapter - you will find about out them soon.**

**As for the last line.....you know I can't kill Edward. And you know he's a vampire at the beginning of the story. That's all the clues I'm giving.**

**References:**

**Jacob has a run in with this tree. It's a photo taken in the Olympic National Forest by Larry Workman**

**http://mw2 (dot) google (dot) com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/17773530 (dot) jpg**


	21. HOD pt 10 Heartbeats and Lullabies

**This chapter is dedicated to Ksangi for a hilarious suggestion and to Siouxchef for her insightful reviews that inspire me to write. The suggested nicknames and behavior in part for the Predator in this chapter came from advice from Notmyself, Quirky Alice, JuJuRN40 and Bee. Thanks to you all. **

**AN: You all just blew me away with your amazing comments and suggestions on the last chapter. Thanks so much! I promised I'd make this chapter extra long, so I hope it lives up to your expectations. I should warn you when I make a promise I keep it. This chapter is about 75 pages. Also it has a whole heck of a lot going on in it, so I strongly recommend reading it more than once. I can promise you that many things that happen in this chapter you will be hearing about later on down the road.**

**We learned in the last few chapters that Bella has been sparking vivid visions in the Cullens, ones they don't understand, ones that bring back memories. We also saw the back story for the tangled history of the tribe and the Cullen family and how one awful night created years of simmering resentment. Edward and Jacob have had words – words that Edward has made formal by invoking the treaty and claiming Bella as his family. Carlisle has formally sent a message to Harry Clearwater that definitely gets the Quileute Chief's attention. **

**Special thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta service above and beyond the call of duty and to Oxymoronic8 for her helpful suggestions. **

**Many thanks to my validating beta vjgm.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward, Paula Black, The O'Sheas, Sister Claire, the Predator, and Hezekiah are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness Part Ten - Heartbeats and Lullabies**

_I think this means that technically I just slept with my human in front of my family,_ shuddered through my mind as my awareness returned. Bewildered eyes opened to find myself in the forest near Ephraim's rock staring at the trees coated in the golden-colored moss. Fuming at being ripped from her amazingly fragrant warm arms, the desire to smash the rock into smithereens rushed through me. How did I go from the bliss of her embrace to a soggy forest in a cloud of mist? And I had a vague memory of my lips on her flesh - vampires can't have vague memories can they? I was in bed with a woman for crying out loud - a woman I wanted in my bed, thank you very much. How did I end up here?

The Predator appeared shirtless, wearing a tight pair of jeans, and barefoot. "What do you think you are doing?" I snapped. "Are you responsible for this?"

"Trying out different identities practicing for my real name? And no. I'm as confused as you are. I'm still partial to Caligula, so I'm trying to channel the beast-like nature of the caveVamp with my clothing." He sounded so excited, "Oh, and we definitely kissed her, with closed lips on the forehead," that last part was uttered in a disapproving tone.

"It would not be seemly to tongue her forehead in front of the entire family." I couldn't help the snark infusing my tone, "And I do agree with the beast-metaphor you are using in regards to Caligula. Apparently he attempted to have marital relations with large animals."

We both heard Starched Shirt Edward screaming from the other room, "No licking the little one in front of an audience without sacred vows and no bestiality. Absolutely not. We will not take the name of an incestuous deviant! The Holy Father would not approve."

The Predator sulked, looking depressed. Since he had been so helpful to me lately, I felt the need to reward him. "Take heart Jugurtha, we'll remind him next time of some of the more naughty things some past popes have been caught doing, like having children or starting wars."

"What did you just call me?" The Predator blinked in confusion.

"Jugurtha. It's your new name. I think even Starched Shirt Edward would approve."

Starched Shirt Me emerged from the study clasping the works of St. Thomas Aquinas in one hand and a large cotton shirt in the other which he handed to the Predator, blinking at him. Sighing, the Predator donned the clothing and said, "So are you going to vote this name down too? And is someone going to tell me who Jugurtha was?"

"Jugurtha was a famous king of Numidia who plagued the Romans around 113 BCE. He literally had the reputation for being unstoppable and his ruthlessness was well known. In part, he caused the fall of the empire. It's a good name for someone who has shown such tenacity." I clasped him on the shoulder. "I could not have endured that past few minutes without your help." Shamefaced, I gulped. "You definitely have earned the name and my thanks."

Jugurtha blinked back tears of his own. Starched Shirt Edward wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and said, "I would have preferred something simply like, "Oh holy one," or Simon, but I approve of that name. It is fitting. And Aquinas says that even heathens, if they led a life of virtue, could gain paradise. Jugurtha fought against oppression and showed tenacity in his death. I vote yes."

The Predator Jugurtha smiled at us, cleared his throat and said, "Thank you both. Not having a name was bothering me. Now we have to figure out where we are. And I sense we are not alone."

"Do either one of you have any idea how we can get back or where we are?" my voice rose in panic. Morosely, they both shook their heads "no" simultaneously. Desperately, I sank to pinching my arm, and alas, found that I did not return into the presence of my human. Then again; with the hate Lady Fate blasted at me, yanking me from my dear little one's arms perhaps was predictable, I grumbled. From behind me, I heard a familiar gravely voice clearing his throat and turned, schooling my features into a quizzical mask. Mentally, I asked Starched Shirt Me and Jurgurtha Predator to retire.

"Really. It's been too long." I greeted Hezekiah with arms widespread in a welcoming gesture as he grumbled standing there clutching his walking stick.

"You told me to find a better idiot and I did," he cackled.

"Are you telling me that I'm the new idiot?" How, precisely, was this fair?

"In some aspects of your life, the label idiot fits you son, which surprises me considering all that fancy book learning you got," he softly replied peering up at me tapping his index finger to his head.

I harrumphed.

He waved a hand and a plush leather chair appeared out of the thin air to his right. Placing his free hand on the arm Hezekiah wobbled over and sat slowly. Expelling a breath in happiness he leaned against the back of the chair with a smile on his wizened face. Staring, I wondered at the incongruity of an overstuffed chair in the middle of the forest sitting amidst the bright yellow evergreen violets that sparkled on the ground like gold dust. Hezekiah, at my expression, grouched, "It's my reality, Edward; I get to sit if I want to. I'm old." He took out a pipe, stuffed it with tobacco and lit it with a zippo lighter.

"You were merely 78 when you passed away. I'm older. And, as you're quite dead, you shouldn't feel old."

"Is that so?" he left the part where he commented that you couldn't tell my age by my behavior unspoken. But I heard his thoughts regardless. Damn him.

"And how is it that you are a ghost and _smoking_?" I huffed in annoyance.

"So says the undead guy who's currently sleeping," Hezekiah puffed once and admitted, "It's a bad habit I know; but look at it this way, it can't kill me." He chuckled. "Have a seat." A leather chair appeared out of nowhere behind me. I elected to take it; ignoring his mistaken assumptions about my intelligence and maturity. Besides, his assassination of my character aside, I had bigger problems.

"Don't mind if I do, thank you kind sir. Two visits in one day. I am honored indeed." The chair actually felt quite good to my surprise. Nonchalantly, I uttered the words fearing the reply, "My heart is beating, but I don't feel any differently. Did your heathen magic turn me human again?" I curved my lips into a wry grin.

"I wish I knew," Years of pretense kept my face blank and I pantomimed being calm with suddenly composed features and still hands. Perhaps a group of Aztecs became lost one day and wandered up to Washington State to resettle hundreds of years ago? He should have simply torn my heart out when he reanimated it again.

"......listen.....Edward......hearing?" He waved his calloused palm in front of my face.

I had trouble focusing on his words, and blurted instead, "Why do I have a heart beat?"

"Beats the heck out of me, Edward." He offered me a sympathetic glance. "Considering that these powers were meant for a human, I figure it's trying to adjust to you. At first, using the energy exhausted me. Edward, you wielded more power than I've ever seen or heard of in our legends in the span of a couple of minutes. Had you been human, you'd probably be dead. So your immortal body needs to rest. I'll wait here with you and we'll chat while that happens."

"But I need to ....." My singer needed me. I had to help her. I couldn't just lay there doing nothing. Besides, every second here I missed out on quality singer pressed tightly against my flesh time. Perhaps I should rename that priceless singer pressed against my flesh radiating "scent"-astical fragrances and driving me insane time? And it was killing me, metaphorically speaking, to sit here not knowing if I had truly become a mortal man again. Manners required I be patient, but I'd waited over 80 years for a moment like this. Then there was all that business about Jasper's vision possibly mentally scarring her for life. Psychological trauma would most definitely impair her health, and her ability to emit her scent. I could not stand for that. I had to help my human to smell for me, not sit here gulping trying not to vomit in another dimension. Wait....would she still smell as good to me if I were human? A rumble of my stomach distracted me, as my mouth began to water with bile.

"Could you at least have done something about the stench? Please, you made a chair appear out of nowhere. Have a heart - even if I don't?" have one that may or may not be functioning, I left unspoken.

"You and all your vampire strength can't stand a little odor?" He chided. "All power requires that you give something up to get it. You and I are stuck reeking around each other son, sorry. I thought smoking might distract you." He set aside his pipe.

"How . . ."

"Hush, and listen to me." Hezekiah interrupted my newborn protest. "I have to instruct you on how to use your abilities and access the memories. But I can't do it all at once."

"Are you telling me that you're going to take control of my body whenever the fancy strikes you?" The very idea of being turned into a zombie by a werewolf turned my stomach. Maybe it was part of what I had to sacrifice in order to become mortal again, I pondered.

"No no no, nothing like that, and I'm not controlling your body. Yeesh. Since you've managed to do the impossible and sleep, I'm taking the chance to visit. You clearly don't know how to use the power and this time you were very lucky and no one got hurt."

The idea of harming someone alarmed me and competed with the rising hope that I now had a soul. He did say that I hadn't harmed anyone though.....Perhaps using the powers could help complete my transformation? "Do you understand the powers?"

"It's hard to say what they all are because so much of them were bound in stories. I'm not sure which ones were true and which ones were tall tales. I know that I had the ability see the future - but it happened only rarely."

"Is that why you said Gregory Clearwater had to live 5 years?"

"Yes, I knew his son would lead the tribe. And he was born 5 years later. And he's a good man. Had Gregory died that night, Billy Black would be the chief, and that would have been a disaster. To access the memories, you have to think of my face. It will be a jumble for a while."

"Anything else I need to know about?"

"Well, yeah, there is one thing....he shifted nervously in his seat."

"What?"

"You have a new pet. And she's a wee bit protective."

"A what? Like a dog?"

His brow lowered as he frowned, "No, considering you wanted to kill all the dogs in Forks not too long ago even God wouldn't trust you with one. Or a cat for that matter," he snorted, glaring at me.

"I was concerned for the welfare of my girlfriend and perhaps over reacted." I paused as Hezekiah snorted loudly, again, "Do you intend to inform me what it is?"

"By tradition I am forbidden from identifying her. She might show herself to you if she likes you. And you have to take care of her because if she does take to you she'll bond and will be upset and downright cranky if she feels ignored. She hasn't had anyone since I died, and she's lonely. I don't know if you'll even be able to see her, since by tradition only one of Quileute blood or bond can."

"What do you mean bond? And how do I meet this new pet?"

"It's a ceremony that does not make someone a member of the tribe. It just shows to that person that they are important. As for your pet, she'll find you. Don't worry. How do you think you were able to see so much about Jacob this afternoon? She's your new set of eyes and senses. Your minds are already linked which is a good sign. She's testing you out."

He acted like he heard someone calling his name and moved to the edge of his seat leaning on his stick. "Time runs differently here and I don't have much of it."

"I see."

"No, actually, you don't, and that is the problem, Edward. You have to find the new shaman as quick as you can."

"What criteria do you use?" I had never searched for a holy person before and I eagerly anticipated informing the elders that I had been granted tribal sacred powers by their long dead shaman. Clearly, they would be overwhelmed with gratitude. I envisioned them hopping about with glee, throwing rose petals in my wake.

"That's easy, since none of my line exist any more you have to find the person who sacrificed the most for the sake of the tribe. Since you can read minds that won't be too hard."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"You have to make the decision. I can't now. Although I'm hoping you choose wisely considering the treaty."

"How do you know I'll even do that? Now that I have your powers, I could just walk away you know," I needled him.

"I know you'll do it because despite all that poppycock you're blathering, I could tell when I first saw you that you understood all about sacrifice and pain. And deep down inside, Edward you are a decent man and will do your best to keep your word, no matter what you might say otherwise." Curses. The man knew me. Sort of. Heck.

"Fine. I'll do it." I glowered.

"Good." He gave me a fond glance.

"Would you mind telling me what I did with the power moments ago? I'm confused."

Hezekiah scratched his chin, "Well, lemme see. You managed to stop your sister from snacking on your little missy by freezing her in place," he paused and I cringed at the mental image of Mary Alice with black eyes that he had in his mind.

"But I almost killed my girlfriend myself," I whispered mortified flinching at the remembrance of my lips at her neck.

"Well, yes, you can protect her from them to an extent, but not from yourself. That's not how the power works. You have to exert your own free will. Sorry." He sounded like a politician explaining the fine print in a bill after it had been passed.

"But the blood lust faded in Alice and I. "

"Yes, because the vision gave you other things to focus on that were even more powerful that bloodlust."

"I've never heard of anything that could outweigh the pull of bloodlust like that."

"Now you have," The shaman's voice pulled me away from my fears. "then, because you seem to be the dotting the i's and crossing the t's kind of person, you put a barrier up over your little missy's doorway so that the rest of your family could not come inside until the vision ended and they felt no bloodlust."

"I suspect that explained the crashing noises?"

"Sort of. You did it during the vision and moments ago when you fell asleep."

Alarmed, I barked, "Are you telling me someone in my family wanted to drink her just now? And I'm here with you?" I started to hyperventilate.

"Edward, calm down. You and she are both fine. You put up a barrier around the two of you before you went to sleep, I think, because you felt yourself losing control and wanted to make sure she was safe until you regained it. Your family can't separate either one of you at present." He shook his head at me and muttered, "You're a bit protective of the girl, but that's alright. Don't let her fool you; she's a lot like her Grandmother." That part frightened me every bit as much as the idea of my family snacking on her while I idled here.

"In what way? I only met her Grandmother on the day of her birth."

"Well, I never met her considering I died shortly after. But I've watched her over the years every now and then. She's got her tenacity. And she's quiet, too." Well, that didn't sound so bad. And having her be quiet to me was a good thing. I didn't have to talk as much. I did wonder why all of a sudden if he didn't know her he brought up the subject of her Grandmother.

"Did you see the vision?"

Hezekiah trembled for a moment and his voice quavered when he answered, "Mercy yes. I found it horrifying to watch and I felt everything you did. That bloodlust was worse than my death. Those poor men. Your poor brother. I don't go tripping about in your mind. You sent those thoughts to me when you came here." We sat in silence for a moment.

"Are you in communication with Genevieve O'Shea Swan?" I hoped for some answers.

"No, the afterlife doesn't work like that. I'm with my family and loved ones. I'm not sure what it means. Have you had any others?" Briefly I described all the visions and the accompanying sensations as he muttered under his breath rocking in his chair in concentration.

"Do you see why we are so confused?"

"That I do, my boy," Considering that I was older than him I found that amusing, "I'll have to give this some consideration. Clearly, you need to keep a close eye on your girl. Her grandmother had a devil of a temper, just so as you know. I'll come to check on you later. Bye, son. Oh, and I'm still happy about that thought." He and his chairs vanished and vision me fell on my vision behind in the vision leaves looking at the vision Silver firs and Western hemlocks that smirked at me. With a jolt, I fell back into my body.

Eyes shut, breathing like a human, paralyzed; I could feel my heart beating. The sensation of possessing a mortal frame crashed against me - memories I had forgotten until now. Warmth radiated through me. I could hear and see the people around, yet did not use anyone's mind to gain this perspective. I suspect that my mental abilities had returned but my now human body had yet to recover, I thought with glee. My singer and I reclined on a large bed I had never seen that had seized territory in the middle of my capacious room in our own house outside of Forks. Locked in an embrace, my singer lay flush against my body, adorable as usual, sleeping peacefully. From the moment I had first awakened to my immortal life, I can honestly say I have never felt this comfortable. Had I been able to, I would have danced with joy. I could feel my heat pumping human blood. After eighty years, I never thought I'd ever smell my own unique blood scent as it pumped through me. The air tasted different as I breathed in her fragrance that I could still smell. Perhaps I had kept all of my immortal senses? Venom swirled in my mouth but surely that would change as my heart continued beating and my transformation concluded. After all, it had taken three days to become a vampire. God had given a worthless wretch like me a second chance at a human life, and I planned on taking it gladly. Those dreams I never admitting to having of a mortal existence and what I would do if I happened to acquire one - having a wife and children and living in my own home spoiling my family - flashed through my mind. My singer looked good wearing my ring holding a baby laughing at me under her lashes with rosy cheeks as I entered the house of my hope and dreams.

"Run. Sweater. Tree." My human babbled and started to wheeze in earnest. I could tell from her heart that she would awaken soon.

I however, was still suspended in a sleep-like state, although I lowered the barrier around us at her words. The green light surrounding us faded to the relieved sighs of my family. She awoke in my arms and squeaked at the sight of my bemused parents, and Alice blinking at her from the foot of the bed. The exquisite sensation of the blood pooling under her skin as she blushed washed over me as her scent increased in strength. I reflexively tightened my arms around her slightly, and sighed, rubbing my hand through her hair. I sensed the absence of Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett. Wide-eyed my singer whispered to Alice, "Where am I?" Somewhere in my brain, I smirked because she didn't attempt to stop my hand caressing her tresses.

"Honey, you're in Edward's bedroom at our house. You've been asleep for quite some time," Mother walked over to her side and patted her on the arm. I could sense they had turned the heat on in the house to make it comfortable for us.

"Did I make him sick?" my singer scrutinized me in panic, still sussurating despite my family's use of a normal vocal volume. She couldn't move from my embrace although smugly, I observed, she didn't try too hard.

Esme patted her shoulder and stroked her hair as Father spoke, "Edward suffered a seizure. Once the worst of his fit had passed, we placed him beside you to administer medication. You were having a nightmare at the time and cried out in your sleep, Bella. Edward held you. He became combative if we tried to separate you both, which is a side effect of his condition, although it has never happened with him. We did not want to risk your safety so we moved you back to the house. He's been sedated and we are waiting for him to awaken." From Carlisle's mind, I had the image of my family lifting her mattress and running at vampire speed through the woods with Emmet and Jasper holding us aloft like a dinner tray. They couldn't get past the green barrier so they literally rolled us from her mattress to this bed before returning it back to her house.

"Why aren't we in the hospital?" The patter of her heartbeat indicated her concern, though she gazed at me while speaking. She appeared alarmed for my sake as her hand felt my cheek. I knew Mother hovered ready to snatch her hand if it ventured too close to my mouth.

"Because he does not require hospitalization, nor do you. I can easily treat you both from here. There was another earthquake in the area and your house needs to have the glass replaced again," Father said.

"Another?"

"I'm afraid so. This time over 5 miles of Forks suffered the effects. It's made national news." Inwardly, I winced. How, if I had not climaxed, did I manage to make the earth move again? I was, unfortunately, very sure on the not a drop of venom leakage part. This required further study. Alice's thoughts indicated that she pondered it as well.

"Is my Dad's house damaged?"

"Not anything that can't be fixed in an hour. My other children are seeing to it at present." Carlisle soothed.

I could feel sensation returning to my body and actually sensed pain much like I did when I was a human. My leaden lids lifted wondering if I had hallucinated everything until they met the concerned eyes of my flustered human, peering up at me shyly. I could feel the warmth from her skull as her hair trailed through my fingers. As my family's relieved thoughts resounded in my mind the memory of Jasper's vision flashed, "Are you well?" My voice cracked as shaking hands lifted to graze her temples. Something unfathomable flashed in her eyes for a moment before she beamed touching my right hand with her own tentatively.

"Edward?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"My Grandmother warned me about guys like you..." her expressive eyes held a glimmer of mirth. She shook my hand on the words "guys like you" thrice.

"Like me?" I arched a brow affecting as if I weren't aghast at waking up with her in a bed in my own room surrounded by my gawking family. "And what, pray tell, did your genius Grandmother say?"

"Um...that I should definitely be on my guard for smooth talkers that get me so relaxed that I wake up not knowing where I am and what we did. Do you make a habit of this with women?" she pretended to look scandalized. My family chortled.

"I'll never tell." Her face wore that look on it that I associated with pain, "How bad is your headache?" I moved my hands from her temples to trace her skull. She flinched and displayed a sudden fascination with the collar of my shirt.

"I suppose I could try that medication," she whispered. Her head must really hurt because she hated admitting pain.

Carlisle took the bottle and I reluctantly unwrapped my arms from her so she could sit up and drink her water with her tablets. After a quick examination, he let Esme and Alice help her to the restroom to take a shower. I felt relieved that in my mindless state I had not harmed her.

Once the door closed Carlisle said at vampire pitch, "Edward, you scared us there for a moment," an understatement if ever there was one, "How are you feeling?"

"Almost human," I said with a genuine smile. I knew he could hear my heart, and wondered why he didn't notice my change.

"Son, a vampire you are still." He said gently. I would clearly have to convince them all that I had done the impossible. I had to be careful not to sound too happy, as I did not want to risk offending them.

"But I have a heartbeat and I'm warm!" I held my hand out to him to feel, using a curious tone.

"In all my years I've never seen someone's heart start back up like that, but your transformation altered your fundamental nature. I don't even understand how your heart can be functioning with your system."

Clutching onto my dream like a desperate man hanging by his fingertips over a treacherous ravine, I blurted, "Perhaps I'm a new form with vampire senses and still human?" Even to me my voice sounded pathetic, yet terrified.

Without warning, I noticed my beating heart started slowing. Carlisle sat by me on the bed. We listened as it ever so gradually slowed. Five agonizingly long minutes later it stopped with a mournful final solitary thud. The line from T.S. Eliot's the Hollow Men came to mind, "This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper." In disbelief, I stared out the window fighting to remain calm schooling my features, and shut my anguished eyes hiding them from my observant Father. The last time I had slept, I had awakened to discover my soul ripped from me. This time, upon arising from my unnatural slumber, I had hoped against all reason to be truly human. Without a word, Carlisle put his arm around me and laid my head on his shoulder. It reminded me of my irrational overemotional days as a newborn. Esme used all her acting skill to stay composed while helping my singer bathe as did Mary Alice. Their thoughts of sympathy lashed at me. Awkwardly, I patted my Father's arm and stood.

"Please excuse me," escaped from my frozen lips in my impassive face. I remembered to smile slightly. All at once, I felt the need for an evening constitutional. Every bit of acting ability I possessed permitted me to calmly perambulate down the stairs and out of the house. I maintained that leisurely pace until I hit the usual spot where I always began running. Feeling almost free, I started to run at my usual lope. As soon as I exited their hearing range, as if chased by a legion of demons from hell, the second my feet touched the earth I sprinted. With bittersweet regret, I found that I could run faster than ever before, most likely due to my own human blood rushing through my system. It strengthened me without transforming my eyes to a newborn red, I theorized in a vitriolic rant.

When I reached my favorite thinking place, my legs collapsed like a sandcastle in a strong wind. Although I desperately wanted to, I could not summon tears, and I rocked back and forth holding my head in my glowing hands. That hated scratch began in my throat and in fury I drank from four animals. Ten minutes later I realized I had to regain my composure. Otherwise, Carlisle would feel guilty for transforming me.

Dressed in black from head to toe Jurgurtha Predator appeared and squatted beside me, putting his hand around my shoulder. "We can't stay gone long. They'll come looking. Hide the carcasses." He was right. I nodded at him and he left for once entering the library and closing the door behind him.

I could not burden Father or the family with the pain that was mine alone to bear. I had created so much turmoil lately with my preoccupation with my singer's welfare. I feared this could push them over the edge and they'd want me gone. Once I managed to harness control of my emotions to my satisfaction, I returned to the house and Father's office wearing a serene mask. Carlisle patted my arm.

"I apologize for my behavior. My emotions feel so strange. I think it's this Quileute human power affecting me." Even to me I sounded like an automaton. Esme and Alice were helping my singer to dress and drying her hair. I could tell from the beating of her heart and her scent wafting from two floors above that the pain medication had entered her blood stream.

"Edward, I am especially impressed you managed to resist your singer considering the circumstances. Can you tell me what happened right before you lost consciousness?" My Father tried to cheer me up with pride.

"I feared she had experienced Jasper's vision and when he started impacting us with his feelings.... The idea of vampire emotions coursing through her human system was more than I could tolerate. I wanted to make her comfortable and calm and I felt this blinding light through me and something jolted through me. I fell asleep and dreamt of Hezekiah lecturing me about using the gift." My Father kept his mind blank. Mary Alice and my Mother concentrated fiercely on the needs of my human. I heard my singer say, "Edward seems so different. Is he ok?"

Mary Alice answered, "Today is the anniversary of his birth father's death. It's very hard on him. Edward's parents passed away within days of one another. He had an illness that impacted his memory so his loss is compounded. He only remembers them in flashes." Carlisle's voice dragged me from monitoring the conversation.

"Are you in physical pain?"

"I have a headache."

"We'll talk about this later after you've had some time to think about it. The past two hours have been ghastly for everyone, especially you, Jasper, and Alice. Your brothers and sister have repaired Bella's house. They should return within the next few minutes. That was very good planning of you to have copies of everything stored far away." I could tell he was fishing. With everything that had occurred, the very idea of him discovering about the unfortunate inadvertent venom leakage incident numbed my mind.

Casually I responded, "Given the earthquake could happen again, I knew I should have replacements." Well, it was the truth. I certainly hoped to have another orgasm. Once we married. And then I'd have to live in the wilderness with her. Or camp as I couldn't shatter canvas. I moved my mind from its salacious thoughts as my singer emerged from the upstairs dressed in her jeans and a lightweight long sleeved shirt. Esme had cleaned them and I kept my features calm trying not to growl seeing her wearing inappropriate attire. Now I understood again why my parents had the heat turned up so high. They were trying not to embarrass her.

We showed my human around the first story of the house. Mother told her that the family had dined earlier. She knew I would insist on eating with her so two plates sat on the table. Making excuses, Mother disappeared into the study with Father and Mary Alice. Dining with my human had never been a physical process that I enjoyed; although I had managed to act my way around the agony. Half an hour ago the wistful thought had flashed across my mind wondering what it would be like to actually taste food again and enjoy it.

Stiffening my spine, Starched Shirt Edward encouraged me as I walked with her to the table, "Forbearance is a virtue." Even he looked miserable.

The Predator Jugurtha stood by him and consoled me, "Your acting ability has served you well these past years. Tell your family it's the powers making you feel this way. They'll not be able to gainsay you." I nodded mentally at them both. Noticeably, my family kept their thoughts blocked and actually it made me grateful.

I gritted my teeth preparing for the worst as the food's stench hit me. If I could handle Jasper's vision and the illusion of my humanity returning this should be a cakewalk. I pulled her chair away from the table and seated her as a gentleman should. It echoed our lunches in the cafeteria at school. As we partook of the Dijon chicken with pasta Esme had prepared, I noticed my singer stared at the table in fascination. Perhaps she liked the wood? Since she was quiet like I, eating in silence did not bother me, and tonight, of all nights, I did not even know what to say. I noticed as time progressed she seemed to become more uncomfortable.

Mary Alice finally whispered from the next room - "Edward, I think you should practice your conversation skills. Perhaps you might mention school?" Desperate, I blurted, "So we should work to catch you up on your schoolwork."

The mention of academic torture - I mean high school - enlivened her, "That would be fine. Are my books here?" she seemed relieved.

"I am not sure. I'll have to check." Considering I had been unconscious when we were transported here like upholstery, I had no idea what had been removed from the Swan house.

On that note, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie barged into the house. My giant brother took one look at the food on my plate and the determined set in my jaw and mentally called me PukeWard. He shuddered in disgust as I chomped my chicken. Emmett held my human's backpack. They all looked relieved to see me "normal" in their minds. Still fragile, Jasper thought out his love to his mate who returned it unconditionally. I wondered what that felt like, I contemplated without envy, genuinely curious. My human, I could not envisage her offering me solace if she realized the pretend me acted like an edifice for the skeleton of a soul.

With humor, Emmett teased, "Hi Bella, it's good to see you conscious. I'm Emmett, and this is Rosalie and Jasper." My empath brother kept a healthy distance from her and smiled trying not to look at her like she had morphed into an emotional leviathan. Rosalie smiled at her from the other side of her husband.

My singer had finished her plate and politely declined seconds. It had been an hour since she had taken her pain medication for her headache. Her eyelids started to droop. It was late at night, around nine or so.

Mary Alice entered the room. "Bella you looked exhausted. Let's get you back upstairs, and we can work on our schoolwork tomorrow."

"I can't kick Edward out of his own bed." She seemed embarrassed.

"Bella, you don't need to worry. He'll bunk with us." Emmett walked around her nonchalantly to my side. He cuffed my head as I glared at him when her eyes were looking at Mother. Mentally mother told me, "_Edward I ordered the bed last week. It's about time you had one. We have to pass as human._"

The Predator's voice emanated from the dark corner, "We need to refocus back on our singer. She requires attention. Our needs will abide." Excellent advice.

At vampire pitch I responded, "Thank you Mother for thinking of me. The bed is perfect." Perfect with my singer in it. And now my sheets would be imbued with her scent. And the comforter. And the pillows. Oh, how she spoiled me so. Although I was bitterly disappointed at not being human, I tried to see the good points of my miserable life: my family and my singer. Right now I inhaled to recall all the reasons why she blessed my days. If I could get her to drool a few times on my bed or better yet; me, that would be the crowning achievement and I would be in scent heaven. The idea occurred to me then that perhaps there existed some connection between using the power and her that turned me human. I remember her pendant had flared with a white light. I would have to experiment further when she rested. Her pain medication would ensure that she'd sleep even sounder than usual.

My singer rose from her chair and walked slowly to the staircase. After one flight of steps she started to wobble, reaching for the rail. Two flights of this would give me a nervous breakdown. "I think your medication has made you dizzy. May I please carry you?"

"Are you ok to do so? You had a seizure a little while ago." Her tone diplomatic, I marveled at her consideration.

"I haven't had an episode like that in ages and I feel fine. I wouldn't offer otherwise, as I'd never risk your safety." Well, I wouldn't, sort of. I'd think about risking her safety all the time considering my fantasies, but I'd never consciously risk it.

With a nod she consented, staring at the ground. She trembled slightly for reasons I failed to appreciate. When she continued to shake, I breathed on her six times. I couldn't have my human upset. Dazed yes. But upset? Definitely not. Maybe she feared I'd drop her and fall on the ground twitching? She relaxed after a few breaths so I felt better.

The accusation might have been leveled at me that I walked too slow carrying her up the staircase. It wasn't the sensation of my emotions I insisted, that drew me, although I did feel fondly for her. No, instead it was the opportunity to wear her scent on me as much as possible. I should call it _my scent_, because I did have a right to it as Nature designed her and her aroma with me in mind.

"Way to take forever lover boy," Emmett whispered at vampire pitch.

I ignored him. This was only the second time I had carried her while she was conscious, an anniversary of sorts. My speed made me considerate of her tender feelings. The fact that she fell asleep on the way upstairs was an added bonus. Now I didn't have to struggle to converse with her.

Mary Alice pulled back the sheets, and I laid her on the right side of the bed. She looked like she belonged there the primitive side of me declared. I left as she briefly awoke while Mary Alice helped her change, and joined my parents in the living room.

Thinking of Jacob, Mother said, "After what I saw today lurking outside her door, I would feel better if you called the Clearwaters." Esme kissed Carlisle's lips as they snuggled on the couch.

"Of course, you are correct." Carlisle dialed Harry Clearwater's home phone and offered him a mild greeting. "Good evening, Chief Clearwater, I assume you've seen the film I sent?" Carlisle's mild tone conveyed warmth and sincerity, attributes that served to magnify Clearwater's anxiety.

"We had nothing to do with that; although we are concerned about Bella's involvement with your family." Clearwater's defensive tone indicated his ploy.

"We have the ability to read minds Chief Clearwater and know Jacob Black lied," Carlisle ignored Harry Clearwater's gasp continuing, "we recognize you as a man of honor. Did your father ever tell you why we made the treaty with your tribe?"

"Yes." Now he sounded cautious, "we were outnumbered at the time and couldn't afford to fight."

"That's factually inaccurate. Ephraim Black, and several of the tribal elders were friends. The entire reason behind the treaty was because of _our _laws that all of our kind must follow."

"Laws? You have them?" I tried not to be offended at his tone.

"First, tell no one. Second, you are responsible for anyone you turn's behavior. Third if a human does learn of your nature you either kill or immediately turn that person. Fourth, and most importantly, failure to abide by the rules results in death for all involved. When we encountered Ephraim we broke our own laws to form a treaty. Your entire tribe at the time was warned that a key part of the treaty entailed keeping silence about our nature. Do you have today's paper in front of you?"

"How did we go from a history lesson to current events? And who would enforce these laws?" Clearwater snapped as he grabbed the Peninsula Daily News.

"Did you see the story about the elementary school in Los Angeles that exploded?"

"Yes, my heart goes out to all those families."

"A newborn vampire attacked the school in Los Angeles. The Volturi are our rulers and enforce our laws, and were in town on a mission. To prevent exposure, they systematically killed every child and adult and then incinerated the building. They also eradicated the entire coven in Los Angeles to set an example. It took them four minutes to kill 800 humans and no one suspects a thing."

"Oh dear Lord." Clearwater's voice shook.

"Jacob muttered under his breath as he left the hospital waiting room that my son was a cold one and dead. Do you understand if our secret became known not only would we die, but your entire tribe as well down to the last child?" Clearwater gulped. Carlisle's gentle tone made the message all that more frightening.

"I had no idea, no one ever told me. I'll handle the Blacks, and I apologize for their behavior. Wait, your son called Bella his girlfriend," Clearwater whispered in panic.

"He also formally declared her a member of our family to Jacob. And I am reiterating it to you as per the treaty."

"You can't claim her. She's like a daughter to me." Clearwater's voice broke.

"The treaty does not stipulate who can and can not be claimed as a family member. And a daughter to you she shall ever remain. She is ignorant of our nature and will continue to remain so. Edward took this step to protect her from Jacob, not keep her from your family, although his intentions toward her are serious and honorable. We are doing all that we can to maintain our obligations and require assurance from you that you can handle the Blacks."

Clearwater felt like his heart was going to explode as he rubbed his chest. The thought of that little girl in their hands, and the treaty bound and gagged him. He wiped away tears. "This is impossible for me. I love that girl." His voice broke.

"Chief Clearwater, my son worships the ground Bella walks on and I have never seen him so devoted to another woman. He would never dream of harming her in any manner. She will still be involved in your life to the degree that you permit her." That stretched the truth a bit. I worshiped her scent, not the ground, and I often dreamed of harming her in various ways, not that my Father knew. Thank God.

"I'll handle the Blacks. I give you my word. Your boy better not hurt her," his voice trailed.

"As a father, I give you my promise to watch over them as well." Carlisle wished him a good night and ended the call.

Rosalie commented to Father, "He seems like a good man and he clearly loves Bella."

"Yeah, I think we can work with him." Emmett agreed.

"It's not like he can do anything otherwise," Jasper, astute as ever, added.

"We will not have a problem from him or his family," Mary Alice predicted peering into the future seeing the Clearwaters from behind visiting our house.

As Emmett and Mary Alice and even Rosalie joined in unraveling our conundrum, I reached out with my mind to the Quileute lands. They were meeting at Mr. Clearwater's house - all the elders save Billy, that is. Harry Clearwater, from his thoughts, genuinely loved my human. I savored the images that came from him of my singer growing into the enchanting woman she now was. He thought fondly of how she had spent almost the entirely of her monthly vacations during the past summers with his wife and children. He had a particular prized memory of Bella at ten with cake laughing while sticking frosting on Leah, who shrieked in laughter as she ducked. His thoughts turned to the Blacks. The elders agreed with his suggestion. John Quill decided Billy Black should receive a phone call rather than a formal public trial. They called him using a speakerphone.

As Billy spluttered in outrage on the line, Clearwater pronounced Mr. Black and his entire family under probation for five years. Further, he threatened them with banishment from the tribe if they continued with their plotting concerning the Swans, who were to be left alone. He concluded reminding him of the treaty. Red-faced, with blood vessels popping on his forehead, Billy Black from Jacob's panicked mind appeared on the verge of a heart attack. Harry hung up the phone without a word. How ironic that the progeny of Gregory had more honor than possessed by Ephraim's. I turned my attention to our house as our parents summoned us to the table.

As she slept upstairs, we discussed the visions. Carlisle started, "Her Grandmother is trying to send us a message, although the clues are peculiar."

"Today's vision ended on two notes: the face of the blond vampire and the O'Shea's," I mused.

Jasper's face twisted in memory, "I witnessed her dismemberment and burning decades ago so the message can't be about her."

Alice speculated, "Maybe it's something about the O'Shea's. Genevieve held an apple and then took her brother's hand. And they walked away into a forest."

Esme asked, "Was there anything special about the apple or the forest?"

Squinting, she considered the memory, "The fruit had a funny color. I don't pay attention to human food but I could research the types online. The forest was oak"

"Is there an oak forest on the peninsula that Bella might go to?" Carlisle asked. We searched our minds but failed to come up with an answer.

"Maybe we're paying too much attention to details. Big picture wise, what does Jasper's vision have to do with the others?" Emmett asked. No one could answer.

We discussed her sleep talking and comments to Dream Edward all night. To our frustration, the only thing we knew is that something would happen soon and red-eyed people haunted her dreams, and somehow Dream Edward kept her pursuers at bay. Not very helpful at all, thank you very much Mrs. O'Shea Swan. The only advantage I saw from the vision today was Jasper's newfound ferocious respect for my singer in regards to his emotional and physical health. He'd never touch her. His mind kept replaying the vision over and over again. He tried to stem the waves of guilt that ate at him. No one complained. It distracted me from mine, and I owed him an odd debt for it. Having my human nearby for such an extended time had spoiled me. Despite the fact that she slept in my bed, I disliked having her from my sight. I stayed away to show my family and me that I had control. Besides, sleep deprivation could harm her ability to produce her scent.

We let her sleep late the next morning. As her pulse quickened Mary Alice and I hurried to her. She appeared restless and, with alarm, I noticed she seemed to be having another nightmare as her feet twitched as if she ran.

Mary Alice said at vampire pitch, "Jasper says she's terrified." My brother remained a healthy two flights below. Fearing the hellfire of her Grandmother, I sat on the edge of the bed and reached with trepidation and jostled her shoulder. Jerking awake in fright, she wore a terrified expression and launched herself into my arms.

"You are safe," I caught her as she gasped for air, stroking her back.

Acting like I did when she was delirious, I lifted her in my arms and moved onto the bed while slipping off my shoes. With my back against the headboard, I sat her across my lap. She leaned on my chest, as I cautiously stroked her hair. Gradually, she calmed as Mary Alice distracted us both with amiable chatter. She carefully handed her medication and a glass of water.

"How is your breathing?" I already knew the answer. She muttered, "Fine." Not that she lied well in the first place, but the accompanying rattling cough did not assist her duplicity.

"You prevaricate terribly. What frightened you?"

"I have bad dreams like everyone else about people chasing me. I'm sorry for disturbing you." She seemed embarrassed and would not meet my gaze. From her expression, I realized that would be all she elected to reveal.

Using my most persuasive voice I breathed on her twice and soothed, "I hate bad dreams. And you can disturb me all you like, you know." Cold comfort, but it was the only words I could offer. I hoped her Grandmother would assist me in my endeavor to protect her. I did have the moral high ground, after all, I sniffed.

"Bella, you've had an awful week," Mary Alice perched on her other side on the bed patting her arm, "It's only natural that you would have a bad dream."

She nodded. I did not want to let her go enjoying, of course, my exclusive access to her scent, but her breathing worsened and she required my medical assistance. With regret, I reached for her nebulizer and medication and shifted her from my lap to Mary Alice's side. I began to set the machine in place. My sister hugged her, teasing, "Bella, you've given us such a fright this past week a nightmare is actually refreshing." My singer returned a watery smile.

"Let's see if you feel better after a breathing treatment, shall we?"

My singer seemed to be feeling anger now, not it seems directed at us, but at herself according to Jasper. Odd. Trying not to fume, she put the mask of the nebulizer over her face, wincing at the taste of the mist as she inhaled the drug into her lungs.

"Keep that fierce expression and practice it in front of a mirror. It will assist you in our next chess game. I'm trembling already, my Queen."

She laughed through the mask, eyes dancing and mouthed, "You wish."

Five hours after taking her shower and dressing for brunch, I soundly beat her in a game much to her irritation, although her lungs sounded better. We sat on my bed opposite one another with Alice at the foot, a delighted spectator. A victory on my part only seemed fair considering my singer had routed me in the other two. Alice had beat her in two games and lost the other. Rosalie had joined in on the fun and had lost with surprising grace to my human in one wickedly plotted game before being called away by her husband. Jasper hid in his library, the coward, but commented on the moves as Mary Alice offered a play by play at vampire pitch. Emmett knocked on the door as we finished a game. I gritted my teeth as my stomach protested this morning's omelet I had consumed along her side. Alice had vomited hers two hours ago.

"Ah, hey Bella."

"Hi." She blushed, picking nervously at the quilt.

"Can you two give me a minute? I promise not to bite her." The sad thing is that he meant every word. Mary Alice remained within sight, so my singer would not panic.

Glaring at him in warning, I left with the chess set and quietly expunged the eggs from my system downstairs. His mind said, _"Lighten up HuffWard, I'm trying to make her feel better. Go get ready to chew some more human food."_ Emmett occasionally had the best ideas, I thought, as I left the bathroom. Placing the game on the kitchen table, I asked Mother to make servings for all my siblings save Rosalie, as I knew better. Rosalie's face took on an unusual cast as she aided Mother in preparing human food.

This was going to be so much fun. I loved faking out my human. It brought added side benefits, like weight gain and improved health. I heard Mary Alice mentally groan as she saw my plan. She laughed saying at vampire pitch, "Ok, fine. But I get more chess time, bucko. And you're right it really will be hilarious. And worth vomiting."

I could hear Emmett at vampire speech whine from my room, "No way! That's disgusting. Darn. Fine, be that way."

Emmett said, "Bella, I'm real sorry you had to find out about your head injury the way you did. That must have really hurt." An epic understatement. My eyes widened in alarm as I expected her to cry. Instead her features remained remote. Noting her composure, Emmett continued, "My Mom and Dad adopted me because I had a severe head injury and my birth family could not care for me." Well, that was exactly the truth. Caring for a newborn Emmett had been a chore. "I deal with my disability every day and have learned a few coping tricks. And I do physical therapy. If you like, you can talk to me anytime. I think I'm done embarrassing you now."

Emmett sat still in the silence before she finally spoke, "Thanks for talking."

Forty minutes later Esme, Rosalie and I happily carried loaded plates with reeking piles of steaming human food to the table. My Mother and Father escaped from eating by claiming that had already dined. Emmett and I sat across from one another. Feeling that he had to support his wife, Jasper escorted her to the table, and sat before a plate as well, eyeing it like the enemy, sitting as far away from my human as possible. Mary Alice started banter with everyone that kept the tone light, discussing our favorite music.

I consumed my meal with precise manners, but just enough gusto to offend Emmett, toy with Jasper, and entertain Mary Alice. Hearing her laughing at our antics from the kitchen chatting with Rosalie, I loudly complimented our Mother on her exceptional cooking. I left out the part calling it "sawdust tasting human nutrients" out of consideration for our guest. Mother had prepared prime cuts of steak, baked potatoes and broccoli along with apple pie. I had, of course, specifically requested that chocolate be left off the menu. Emmett had not partaken of human food in twenty years and stared at his plate. I knew I had to do something desperate to motivate him to eat. She might lose her appetite if he ignored his food. I would use his one weakness besides Rosalie. Betting.

"Hey Emmett," I whispered at vampire pitch, "I bet you a new jeep that I can hold this food down longer than you can."

"A new jeep? That's not going to even make a dent in your pocketbook PantyThiefWard. So what do you get if I lose, although I can't see that happening?" He chortled back at the same frequency. His favorite pastime, aside from spending time with his mate, entailed making ridiculous bets with Jasper. Esme usually served as judge.

"You have to eat human food at school with your wife for a month." Rosalie's mind in the kitchen shrieked her disgust. Now that I spoke more often, this whole torturing my siblings game was one I definitely planned to continue. Throwing Rosalie into the mix only added to my mirth.

"You are so on PukeWard." He challenged.

Carrying a plate, the picture of innocence, Rosalie entered the room and sat by her husband. We all tried not to stare at her and she shifted, self-conscious and prim. Mary Alice gawped as Rosalie precisely sliced the steak into bite-sized pieces and daintily ate without a wince. At vampire pitch she said to her husband, "I would eat human food to prove my love for you. Every day." Her glorious smile lit up her angelic features as she joined in the human conversation which had moved to sports.

"Aw Rosie, I'm the luckiest man on the earth," Emmett said softly at vampire pitch, winking at her. He then proceeded to demolish his tray eating rapidly, adopting a blissed out expression as he mentally squealed with each chew. We all had learned years ago how to pretend being human and this represented the one part we all hated the most. Because I had never offered or participated in our family's long standing practice of betting, this motivated Emmett. He was stunned at my daring and he chomped his way through the broccoli thinking it tasted like tree bark. Too bad it hurt so much going down his throat having the consistency of boulders with sharp edges. This almost made up for the last decade of teasing by him. Emmett finished the entire plate as if he hadn't a care in the world. It helped that Jasper felt he had to atone for the vision by keeping everyone calm as he too, finished his meal.

A nudge from Emmett brought me from my reverie. Mary Alice and Emmett had cleaned their plates and she dearly needed an excuse to leave. Emmett was determined to outlast me. My record was six hours and forty two minutes. He vowed to beat me by an entire moment mentally thinking he had never looked forward to vomiting this much in his entire undead existence. I smirked at him at vampire speed. At human pitch, I said, "Mary Alice and Jasper I think it's your turn to do the chores." A lame excuse at best but they dove for it and exited the room with a chirpy "See you in a few," at my human. Emmett and Rosalie leapt up and offered to help, fleeing the room.

At long last my singer and I were alone, and I couldn't think of a thing to say. Well, this was awkward. Since I had left the game on the kitchen table we didn't have chess - which had been my savior in creating conversation. Gulping, I heard all my siblings save Emmett vomiting in separate rooms. From his shouted thoughts Emmett's mouth watered with venom but he held his stomach. I heard my singer clear her throat nervously as she dragged me from monitoring my family.

Beatifically smiling, I'm sure I confused my human as I heard Emmett's defeat as he lost the bet cursing my name. It elated me to think of watching him eat human food for the next few weeks.

"You look like the cat that just ate the canary." She teased.

"Actually I'm not a bird man. I prefer larger prey," I said without thought. Panicking as the words left my mouth I made my eyes smolder and breathed on her a few times to compensate.

She took on a dazed expression, heartbeat accelerating and squeaked. "Good to know."

The second Emmett finished expelling his dinner, I excused myself. "We have some schoolwork to do; I'll fetch your books if you wait here." She nodded and I walked sedately until out of the room and sprinted at vampire speed for my bathroom. With satisfaction, I relieved myself of the revolting presence of steak and potatoes from my system. I'd never been so happy to brush my teeth, despite having to be careful about destroying the toothbrush and all. I couldn't go around my human smelling of vampire vomit.

She had a history paper due in a few days. I thought I'd help my human by encouraging her mental acuity as I returned to the dining room table with her bag and my laptop. "I'd like to help you with your paper, if I may?"

"No, thanks." She took her calculus book from the stack and opened it to a section and began reading. I gawped at her as I sat in the chair next to her.

"You've been ill, I'm worried the strain of research could give you a relapse," I was not used to being told 'no' by humans. I breathed on her several times just on principle. She maintained a stubborn set to her jaw. Could she be developing an immunity to my scent? The thought disturbed me. I'd actually have to use reason more often and even talk more. How was that fair?

"I appreciate the offer, but I've already written the paper. You can proofread it if you like." She handed me a green flash drive, "It's in the file marked "current work". She looked down at her fingers which were twisted together as if she hadn't noticed her nervous movements and flattened her palms against the table. I started my computer, and opened the file. She took out a notebook, opened it to an empty page and began scribbling notes.

For a female, she picked the most fascinating subjects. "You are interested in battles?" I asked with a raised brow. She never ceased to amaze me.

"Mmmm yes. My Grandfather Swan used to read books to me about famous ones. He and my Great Uncle Liam were nuts about history. I took to it." She continued to work on her math without meeting my gaze.

"Why study humanity at its worst?"

"Because you learn what people choose to do even though they are afraid," she fiddled with a pencil sounding like she gave a speech to herself. I turned to the screen to read.

This treatise examined the battle tactics of Hannibal the famous Carthaginian general. I read through her ten page paper pretending to use a human rate and admired her use of argumentation and evidence. Her paper, while excellent, contained one glaring error. Of course, her suffering would be my suffering, so I gently pointed out the inconsistency to her.

"That's not an inconsistency," she glanced at me with a tranquil expression.

"He did not ever have a battle in which he lobbed serpents at other ships using clay pots."

"I'm sorry, but you're wrong. His army was outnumbered, and he needed to kill King Eusemens. They used the snakes to panic the enemy's ships."

I had a MA in Roman history, although I had studied a different period. I was not wrong. I wanted to explain the error of her ways to my singer.

"Click on the file marked 'evidence' that is right above, please?" Her tone mild, I quickly obeyed.

Drat. Foiled again by my human. Who knew she could also know more than me in history? Of course, I complimented her and admitted my wrong. It wouldn't do to be pig-headed about it. She scribbled her calculus equations in ten minutes completing her homework for the week.

"We have all your assignments from your teachers around here somewhere. We can get you caught up in no time."

"No thanks." I did a double take. Not this again.

"I'm already caught up." She seemed fascinated with her notebook, as she worked on equations.

"Bella, you've missed a week of school how could you be caught up?"

"All my AP classes in Phoenix required more effort. I'm ahead in all my classes because I asked for extra work. I'm probably still a week ahead of them." She said that with such quiet grace. Emmett and Jasper both snickered from the other side of the house. Rosalie sang, "Oh Edward, I neglected to mention she's way smarter than you think." She had known all along about my singer her thoughts revealed. Well, at least her gloating indicated she wasn't possessed by aliens as the old Rosalie roared back to life.

I had just made a phenomenal discovery with my research. She smelled heavenly, rarely complained, possessed a frighteningly bright intellect, played a divine game of chess, and rarely spoke. When her voice did sound, she was right. My singer, I realized, was the perfect woman. I couldn't waste her pristine talents on the mortal world. I was definitely going to have to marry her. After I figured out how to ask her out on a romantic - I mean "scent"-antic excursion. It wouldn't do to rush things. Mary Alice said so.

"Your work ethic is impressive. Absolutely astounding," I meant every word, as I smiled. For some reason, she seemed relieved at my compliment.

Grabbing the chess set, I led her back to my bedroom. She insisted on taking all three flights clutching the banister, my hand at her right elbow. Once she was comfortably settled in my bed sitting across the board, I spoke. I had to earn my pride back. "Jacob Black..." I began hesitatingly. How do you inform her that her Quileute sulker plots to wed her regardless of her wishes? Mentally shuddering at the memory of his rubbery lips on my hand, I did not want to terrify her needlessly, but she did need to exercise caution around him. And I did not know how to approach the 'girlfriend' issue.

"Is a creep but relatively harmless...."she didn't even need to finish that thought.

"He is rather determined to court you. I propose we keep him away by working together. I detest him pestering you. And our ploy at the hospital worked."

"He never calls me. He's never visited the house...." Guarded, her voice sounded as if she attempted to comfort me as to her safety. She wasn't cooperating, I thought in frustration. I would have to offer her sufficient motivation, and take the gloves off.

"I beg to differ. He called 37 times while you slept earlier, and eventually arrived at your home and attempted to order me and my Mother to leave. He claimed he was your future husband, and he acted on orders from the tribe." Using my most persuasive voice I looked her straight in her widening eyes. There. She now should be suitably inspired.

"What?" She wore an expression half irate-half frightened. Her ramrod posture reminded me for a brief moment of her Grandmother.

"Indeed. He asked me to leave for a year and give him a chance to pursue you and, if at the end of a year you were not his, he would give up his attempts to win your hand. I found his request to be positively repugnant."

Her eyes were wide. "He what?" her voice cracked and she started coughing violently. I sped to her side and assisted her by patting her on the back, careful not to break her ribs, while I offered her tissues. Once she ceased hacking up her lung, we resumed the topic at hand.

"Oh the nerve....What did you do?" she did not look so much concerned for Jacob as morbidly fascinated.

"We engaged in a felicitous conversation. I encouraged him to utilize gentlemanly behavior," she daintily snorted at the phrase, "towards you at all times while strolling in the forest enjoying the wildlife and trees. I have the distinct impression that due to his stupidity he will require further, and perhaps repeated, instruction." That sounded innocent enough. And it was the truth. Sort of.

"You're not telling me something. Did you two fight?" Perceptive little thing she was.

"I outweigh him by at least 50 pounds. That hardly seems fair." Why bother when verbally abusing him proved so much more entertaining?

"Where did this come from? He's never said anything like that although he stares all the time. I don't even think he likes me...Orders from the tribe? What hogwash." She stared out the window.

"He's been raised by his father to believe that you will somehow without any effort on his part fall in love with him and marry him by the time you are 18. Jacob seems to believe that soon he will have complete access to you with your father's blessing." Playing the angry-at-her-parent card was perhaps underhanded, but it was for the betterment of our relationship, I reminded myself. The silence stretched on as she stared at the wall in contemplation. Jacob's lies inspired me to act. I would boondoggle Forks with my "scent-ance" with my singer.

"You are quiet."

"I am appalled. And Billy's involvement. Ew." She scrunched in features into a mask of distaste.

"So you do not intend to accept his suit?"

Her voice rose, "Has hell frozen over?" she blazed, seething in fury. My singer was awfully cute when irate. I should make her angry more often.

"Will your father defend you from him?" Again that was mean, but I needed to make sure she understood her peril.

"No. Jacob's like a son to him. He probably loves him more than me since he's spent more time with him." Her face took on a sad expression.

"You've only recently moved in with your father. Perhaps he needs time to adjust as well. And surely he'll help you with Jacob." Somehow, my attempts to comfort her ended up twisting the knife in her more, as she flinched. I realized she needed to be sufficiently frightened, but hated having to be the one to do it.

"He's had 17 years, Edward. I don't resent him for the way he feels. It's not his fault life turned out this way. He's always wanted a son." She shrugged.

"Well then we will have to address the matter ourselves. Until we are sure that Jacob's been sufficiently handled, you have just acquired yourself a very eager Fake Boyfriend. I can promise you eternal vigilance, continued security, witty repartee, and endless bouts of afternoon chess." I brazened it out looking at her trying to banish the pleading from my eyes. She blushed to the roots of her hair, and looked sad for an agonizing moment. I feared she planned on rejecting me, as she maintained an interminable quiescence. Somehow my family had disappeared from the house.

"I accept your kind offer Fake Boyfriend," she cautiously extended her hand to seal the bargain with queenly grace.

"I am delighted to return your affections Fake Girlfriend," I happily took the aforementioned limb and shook it with care as it disappeared in my clasped hands.

"Does this mean we're going to be playing fake chess?" she appeared horrified, holding her free hand to her chest.

"Alas, no because I refuse to fake my victory over you." I smirked, taking and kissing her hand with closed lips, despite Jugurtha the Predator's grousing.

To my astonishment, she decisively beat me in all three games. I was pathetic. She distracted me with the glimmer in her whiskey eyes and the longing for her smile.

Emmett warned me of his approach and entered the room carrying a box labeled with her name. "Hey Bella, this came for you by delivery earlier. There were three boxes, and this is the first. What would you like me to do with it?" He remembered to smile at her without showing too much of his teeth.

"Could you please open it?"

"Do you know the contents?" I wondered who would send her such large boxes. Her bank account didn't show any recent activity so she could not have made a purchase.

"It's only books and some heavy things from old my room that I packed and asked my mom to ship. She kept forgetting, so I asked my step-dad to handle it." Emmett and I tried not to stare at her as we both thought what idiots her parents were.

I sincerely hoped warm clothing lurked in one. Using a pocket knife, Emmett handily opened this box. "Ah, do you want anything in here. It says box number two on the side?" He wanted to respect her privacy.

"There should be a picture album in there. Could you bring it here, please?"

Moving the paper aside, he found the item. Of course, the box contained books. From Emmett's mind, I could see that all were hardcover and her taste fortunately had improved. Not a single dreary English romance inhabited the box, although it had other more interesting volumes. My singer appeared to have a collection on famous battles. How she enchanted me so.

Emmett handed her the album. She said, "Thanks so much." Clearing his throat at my raised brow, my brother found a quick reason to depart inventing an errand from Rosalie.

"I've never made an album. What kinds of things did you choose to save?" Her mind constantly surprised me.

"This has every summer I spent in Forks." She hesitated, "Would you like to see?"

"Most assuredly, I would." The thought of her captured in film....I could remember the images forever. Of course I wanted to see. Perhaps this was how humans became close by sharing memories? My heart lightened as she had seemed so comfortable in my arms earlier. I hoped my campaign was working.

She turned to a random page. "Do you know the Clearwaters?"

"Only socially." That much was true. I kept my tone light.

"I spent almost all of my summers with them. Seth and Leah are like siblings to me." She displayed a picture, "This is from my fake birthday."

"I'm sorry?"

"My parents aren't good with remembering dates. Six years ago Seth decided that he and I should share a birthday since his is in July, and we've done it ever since. We call it his real birthday and my fake birthday. I've made the cake for the past four years." She pointed to a picture of an elaborate confection. More interesting than the cake, however were the people. Sixty-one year old Harry Clearwater was significantly older than his wife Sue, whose grinning face shone from the picture as she embraced three people. My singer stood on the left wearing shorts, a loose cotton white shirt, and a silver bracelet around her right wrist. Leah, a tall girl with short hair that reached her chin, stood next to her. On the far right of the picture, the spitting image of Ephraim Black stared back at me - with two noticeable differences. This is what Ephraim must have resembled as a teenager. Second, Ephraim's face wore my singer's distinctive brown eyes. Seth Clearwater had an interesting lineage. I wondered what a Black by birth was doing standing in the middle of the Clearwaters wearing their name. Thinking over our investigation and calculating his age by appearance, I put the puzzle together. At vampire pitch, I whispered to the family that I had just discovered the identity of Paula Black's child: Seth Clearwater. Jaws agape, a collection of "oh my's" sounded around the house. My singer's voice tore me from my thoughts.

Acting my most charming self, I asked her detailed questions about each picture. She appeared to truly love the Clearwaters, most likely more than her own parents. Historic enemies aside, I felt thankful for the presence of the Clearwaters in her life. And from my memory of reading Chief Swan's mind, knew him to be completely ignorant of his son. How could one overlook one's own offspring: both the known and the unknown? Seth took after his mother's side in appearance but his eyes -clearly matched my singer's.

We played another game of chess, and she trounced me handily. Although her lids drooped, she seemed to fight the need for respite, shaking herself awake as we discussed her victory and pored over pictures. I moved the set to the side jostling the pieces, tipping a few. At the sound of a pawn falling she started eyes wide in fright.

"Hey there," I moved to sit at her side with my back against the headboard gathering her in my arms, "Fake Girlfriend, you need your real sleep."

"Sorry." Her lids began to fall again, and she surrendered to the lure of Morpheus. I thought over the events of the day, while she drooled on my shirt again, as she snuggled against me, a positively endearing gesture I cherished. The drool, that is, the snuggling certainly pleased me as well. Her saliva I could treasure, a souvenir of her affection. At the rate I retired my shirts; my Mother would need to purchase more clothing for me. Once a shirt contained her sensational saliva, I sealed it in plastic to preserve it; the equivalent, I suppose, of vampire stamp collecting. I might never wear this shirt again, but I would definitely smell it every chance I obtained. Mary Alice rousted me from my singer's side, telling me I had to go hunt before I turned my Fake Girlfriend into a real vampire chew toy. Grumbling I left as my sister called out to me, "The Fake Girlfriend is brilliant," as I exited the house running into the night for alternative prey.

Pretend me delighted in waiting on my Fake Girlfriend and seized every opportunity I could to touch her to see if I could get a vision. Selfish me celebrated that she appeared to grow used to my touch, and hesitatingly made a few overtures of her own. Late Saturday night in her sleep she turned to me and said, "Dream Edward?"

"Yes?" I put down my copy of the Iliad.

"Don't leave," she sounded so forlorn.

"My heart is yours. You simply don't know it yet." I vowed.

"Good. Dream Edward?" she sounded worried.

"Yes, dearest," Carlisle and Esme came into the doorway with Jasper trailing behind.

"Grandmother has a message."

"I await it, my sweet." Esme adored how I crooned to her, as I brushed a lock of hair from her temple, entwining my hand in her own. We were now joined by Mary Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie.

"Jasper needed to remember and you needed to see. She feels bad for hurting everyone." That had my family's undivided attention. Her tone of voiced sounded both guilty and sad.

Using my warmest voice, I grazed my fingers across her cheek, "Jasper will be fine. Please thank your Grandmother Genevieve for her kind thoughts. We would be delighted if we could converse with her in a more direct fashion."

My singer said nothing to my frustration. Apparently making my life challenging with indirect conversations entertained her harridan of a Grandmother far too much to abandon.

"Is there anything else she wanted you to tell me? You're doing a wonderful job conveying her words." I remembered what happened the last time I had acted confused, and did not want to cause her to weep.

"Not harridan. Fake is good. Stay. Safe. Card. Apple. Soon." She cuddled against my side with a sigh, as we all wondered what that message could possibly mean. The first two words certainly gave me pause.

Clearly, tormenting me was a family trait. I anticipated paying it back; in chess, of course.

"Edward, your girlfriend needs to have her own warning label." Emmett insisted looking at her in awe.

"It's not her fault that visions come from her. She means no harm." I tried to keep from sounding offended, as I lay her down on the bed, and covered her with the comforter.

"If that last vision is what Mrs. O'Shea Swan does to get our attention, I don't even want to think about what she would do if she was angry."

I winced at remembering thinking of her as a harridan; and wondered at her next form of vengeance. Emmett pointed his index finger at me, "You're never breaking up. Her Grandmother would kill us all."

My family broke out in various stages of hilarity. I couldn't quibble with Emmett. Genevieve O'Shea Swan definitely represented a force of her own. Besides, why would I break up with my singer? That would be idiotic. And I was not, despite Hezekiah's insistence, an idiot. Given the success of my master plan to fake loving my human, my intelligence had clearly been illustrated. I sat on the edge of the bed, and stroked my singer's hair reveling in how I had her scent on my hands.

With great reluctance, I needed to leave her side to see to her safety, thinking of Hezekiah's words. I asked Jasper and Emmett if they would mind accompanying me. Intrigued, they both agreed. As we shut the car doors and drove away, Jasper initiated a conversation with, "Thank you for asking us to join you Edward. Why don't you tell me what I can do to help you?" His voice was kind. Emmett nodded in agreement from the back seat.

"We have to go see an old family friend. I need him to be calm and could use your expertise in questioning him." When I reached our destination and told my astonished brothers of my intentions, their eyes lit in anticipation, as they offered excellent suggestions. It took us seconds to collect our ninety-one year old friend and escort him undetected into the car. I smirked at a recently dressed Gregory Clearwater quivering by Jasper in the back seat and said, "It's delightful as usual to see you."

"Demons!" he hissed.

"I'd like to introduce you to my brother Jasper. He's the reason why you're so calm at present."

Taking out my cell phone, I called Harry Clearwater, and asked him to meet me at a set of coordinates in an hour with all the elders on urgent tribal business. Hearing his father bellowing in the background might possibly have contributed to his eagerness to comply. I parked the car five miles from our destination on a gravel road. Emmett carried Gregory as we sprinted through the trees to a higher elevation. We wrapped a fuming Gregory in a down filled sleeping bag, and set him out of the wind as we waited for the others to arrive. Henry Clearwater, surrounded by six men, stood on neutral land.

"What is the meaning of this?" he shouted.

"We're about ready to uncover some tribal dirty laundry that you all should hear." I replied. I walked to a rock wall covered with boulders. Purple piper's bellflowers sprouted from the cracks around the rocks, "Emmett, a hand please?" My brother placed Gregory with care on the ground in the arms of his son. We quickly moved the stone to reveal a cave. Panicked thoughts raced through Gregory's mind as he imagined spirits fleeing into the night. The elders were astonished at how easily we moved the massive boulders.

"That cave has been blocked for years. What is so important you had to drag my 91-year-old father from his bed in the middle of the night?"

"A man should stand by his deeds shouldn't he Gregory?" I scolded him. Carefully we led him into the cave as he grumbled. The flashlights that we had taken from the car lit the cave. We only had to walk in five feet to find the corpse.

"What in the living daylights is that?" John Quill sounded sincerely terrified, a inconstant state with him, I thought. He had been so brave when attacked by his brother, Lee, all those years ago.

"Hezekiah Stone. Gregory knows what happened to him. And Ephraim as well as Larry and your brother Lee. Isn't that right Gregory?" I said as I reached for Hezekiah's walking stick that emanated light in my hands, changing my eyes. My audience gaped seeing me turn the green their stories described. I thought the glowing eyes were a dramatic touch.

Jasper offered a charming smile that displayed his teeth quite nicely while keeping the elders calm, "What happened to Ephraim?" my brother inquired politely using a mild voice.

"I'll tell you nothing. I'm old you can't frighten me." I saw in Clearwater's mind as he shot Ephraim in the back in the pitch dark of the forest. While writhing and starting to regenerate, Gregory had decapitated Ephraim.

"I see. Well then how about telling us what you did to Larry, Lee, and Hezekiah?" Jasper prodded.

In Gregory's mind, Larry Uley met the same fate. His dismemberment was blamed on sharks. Because the wolves were so young, they had been easy for him to kill. Larry and Ephraim, at least hadn't expected murder at his hands. Lee had been pathetically easy to dispatch since he had been drugged, thanks to the leeches. The shaman Hezekiah expired of heart failure at Clearwater's hands after refusing to answer his questions. In this dark cavern with a low roof, Gregory Clearwater had literally tormented the man to death trying to access the tribe's secrets to regain the leadership. Unable to phase, Hezekiah had refused to utter a word, and had put himself into a trance. Screaming in rage, a crouching Clearwater had repeatedly kicked the shaman's frail body with his boot. After using it to break Hezekiah's legs, he had tossed aside his walking stick. The clatter of its impact with the cave wall echoed. Using the same stick, I sent the thoughts from Gregory's brain to the minds of the tribal members in the cave. Gregory mentally crowed that we'd never get him to confess; a thought they all heard. That leech with the glowing stick couldn't do a thing to him.

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong," I grinned and leaned forward. "I sent the thoughts from your mind to these fine gentlemen here. They now know everything you did." He swung around and saw the horrified looks of revulsion on their faces.

"I did it to protect the tribe. All the wolves were seduced by the leeches."

"Me and mine left the area to protect them. You murdered for power. And you drove Ephraim and Larry's family into poverty. We bought them houses and set up trust funds for their children because you butchered your own kind." Emmett said.

Cheerfully I added, "Hezekiah appeared to me today and suggested we chat. Since I liked him, I could hardly refuse. He also eagerly shared with me tribal knowledge that, I suspect, you may find useful." I turned to the elders.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Harry Clearwater gawped.

"No. I sincerely wish it were. He did not trust your father, correctly it seems, so gave me the memories of all your ancestors in 1940 without my knowledge. He unlocked them yesterday. Considering all the lies your father has spread over the years, don't you find it interesting that your own shaman trusted a vampire over a member of the tribe with the lore of your traditions?"

Harry and the elders spluttered. Gregory looked like he wanted to explode, seething in fury as he glared at Hezekiah's grinning corpse.

"What do you get out of this?" John Quill asked.

"Nothing. Would you like to have over a century's worth of my family's memories lurking in your mind like an unwanted dinner guest? Even Gregory Clearwater would agree that I should not know the things that I do," I said in their language. That seemed to help prompt their credulity. And Gregory Clearwater, by his expression, wholeheartedly agreed with my sentiment.

"He spluttered aghast, "What do you want?" The elder Clearwater pleaded.

"Why are the Blacks after the Swan family?" Jasper barked

"Pshaw, that nonsense? It's just tomfoolery." He waved a trembling liver-spotted hand.

"Then you should have no fear revealing it to us. We would prefer the Blacks not take leadership of the tribe." Since Clearwater loathed the Blacks he had no problem sharing. He hoped it would distract from that pesky quadruple murder confession. The elders were too stunned gawping to silence him.

"It's all about the land the Swans own that adjoins the reservation. There is a Quileute story that claims the owners of that land hold a priceless power." Gregory snorted, "It's hogwash. Charles Swan refuses to sell it claiming it's his daughter's inheritance. Those fools want to marry her to get it." Neither Jasper nor I detected any deception. His thoughts indicated he knew no more of use.

"Chief Clearwater, do you have any questions for your father?" I addressed Harry.

"He's not my father," Harry responded disowning Gregory in a single line.

I uttered the words I had pulled from my Quileute treasure trove of memories that seemed most appropriate; pointing the stick at him as green fire surrounded us both. I'd like to think my friend the shaman would be pleased, as the color leached from Gregory Clearwater's face. Using their ceremonial language, I cursed Gregory Clearwater to roam the earth away from his loved ones after his death. It was the most powerful punishment the shaman had and only whispered about between generations, feared, never before used. Jasper kept the other men calm. The circle of elders watched in silence. None disputed the punishment.

The elderly Clearwater stammered, "You don't have the right."

Scoffing I said, "Actually, I do, as it was given to me by Hezekiah." Gregory Clearwater's eyes widened in fear. "Now that I've uttered those words, Hezekiah's spirit can visit you at will and explain things to you. Ephraim and Larry as well are so very eager to catch up on old times. Goodness, Lee is just foaming at the mouth for his chance at you." Gregory whimpered. John touched his stomach in memory at the sound of his brother's name.

Harry Clearwater's weary expression settled upon his terrified father and hardened.

"I would appreciate it if you and your family visited Bella, or at the very least, called in the next few days. She misses you, and needs you all." I handed him a card with my cell phone number and address on it.

Harry Clearwater stiffly said, "You'd let us?"

I adopted a stunned expression, "Of course. You're her family. I would never dream of keeping her from you." I was a vampire prince above immortals, I thought.

Gruffly, he answered, "Thank you. I'll take Gregory from here." As I had the moral high ground, there really was nothing more he could have said, I inwardly gloated.

I temporarily re-sealed the cave to ensure Hezekiah's remains stayed where they were, carrying his walking stick. According to Jasper that whole quadruple-murder of fellow tribe members issue meant the elders would not start a war with us, not that they could, I mentally chortled. What would they do, throw wooden stakes at us? We ran to the car through the firs and hemlocks. Emmett drove to the house in silence. I tried to banish the images of the men's murders from my mind. As we pulled into the driveway, Mary Alice met her husband, took his hand and raced away into the woods to hunt deer and comfort one another. The vision's effects still tore at us all.

Trying to shake off the horrid memories, I remembered my vision of my human Father and Carlisle's comments about my things that had occurred on the first day she was hospitalized with pneumonia. Entering the house, I climbed the stairs to the attic. Absorbing the silence of things long forgotten, I found a wooden trunk bearing my name in a corner. I shook as I remembered the agony I had felt all those years ago when staring at my possessions. I had literally forgotten their significance, and in my grief had wanted to destroy them. Struggling with me, Carlisle had reasoned that perhaps one day I would recover my memories. He cautioned if I acted recklessly, I would always regret losing the vestiges of my human life. I had left the cabin to run and weep in private. While I had been gone, he had packed everything I had intended on crushing, and had stored it for me.

When the vision of my human Father giving me the pocket watch had occurred, my singer had been ill, and I never even considered leaving her side for such a self-absorbed reason. It felt wrong in my mind: both leaving and looking.

I heard Esme moving behind me, "I still have his things."

"Pardon me?"

"Your brother David's clothes and a toy I had made for him. They are preserved so they don't fall apart. And I take them out from time to time and think about my little boy."

"I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose a child, Mother."

"I would not wish that on anyone, Edward. The pain never diminishes, but you learn to live with it. I know it pains you that you have forgotten parts of your human life. I feel the same way about my own. Sometimes I think I've tried so hard to be a good Mother to you all because I can't remember everything I should about David." Her eyes were so understanding and full of love. I stared at her speechless.

"You're a wonderful Mother, you know, far better than I deserve."

"Thank you, dear. And I treasure you as my son." She touched my face with her hand and pointed to a picture of my human family, "You are not betraying me and Carlisle by thinking of them, or wanting to recover your memories. They were your parents, and they loved you very much, as we love you." I could not look her in the eye as I gazed at the trunk. "I can't even begin to tell you how it felt to recover my first sight of Carlisle from that vision Bella gave me. I now realize that I loved him fully from the first glance; and that's a gift I can never repay, a memory that will forever bring me joy. It's ok to want to feel that way about your human past, Edward."

With trepidation, I slowly lifted the lid. She put her hand on my shoulder, "Edward, in the end they are simply objects that cannot hurt you. Open your eyes sweetheart. You are not doing anything wrong."

With a sigh, I gazed down at the contents, schooling my features into a bland shape. Only one thing looked familiar. It was my human Father's watch. I took it and examined it in the light from the window. I opened its face to find an inscription, "To my son". I felt like my human Father stood in the room, telling me to remember what it meant to be a Masen. For once, I thought it a good thing he had long ago passed to his eternal reward. The man I remembered in that vision would have cried if he could see what I had done with the Masen honor. I hoped that with my 75 years of penance, that I had somehow made it up to him my sullying of the family name.

Ironically, my eyes fell upon a black jet rosary and a medallion of Saint Augustine. And now for some odd quirk of fate, a tiny human with a simple touch had the ability to remind me of the humanity I had long ago ceased to remember. Pocketing the watch, leaving the medallion and rosary, I closed the trunk. Kissing Esme on the cheek, I thanked her for understanding. She realized I needed to be alone, and nodded as I walked out of the attic and down the staircase. I felt the watch in my pocket, burning with a memory like a fire against my conscience. It truly represented a miracle that it even existed.

Memories long repressed surged back at me. I recalled crying as I had held the watch on that day decades ago in my palm, rocking back and forth on the ground and screaming in rage. Opening it, and reading the inscription on the watch had triggered my rage. When I had read the words, "To my son," I had not been able to call up the image of my own human Father in my mind. To the best of my recollection, I had almost shattered the watch then and there. I felt so grateful to Carlisle that he had prevented me from doing so, by wrestling it out of my hand and doing his best to calm me. He had described my human Father to the best of his ability for me, and he had saved my possessions. Staring at the watch, I realized unwittingly my singer and Carlisle both had given my human Father back to me. Confident that she slept soundly, I crept into my dark room.

I almost felt like my bedroom belonged to a stranger, as I scrutinized my possessions, grabbing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a long sleeved cotton shirt from my chest of drawers to change in the bathroom. Now that we cared for my human, we had to make the effort to appear as such. Seeing my once bare bathroom counter with something so mundane as her hairbrush and toothpaste lying on it felt surreal. Whereas once I had rarely been inside these walls, lately, my human's presence kept me there. Walking back into my room, I glanced at the small wooden box that contained my most valued possessions: Sister's Claire's strange knife, my Mother's ring, and the bottle cap. Seeing the things I treasured reminded me of how I had nearly lost my singer.

I could feel my composure crumple as the past days took its toll. The terror of trying to protect her from myself and my family during the vision, while feeling the agony of all those men had scourged me. That indescribably horrific event, compounded with the mirage of my humanity being restored, had required every scrap of acting ability and control I wielded not to collapse. Adding in the memories of my friends being murdered, and the thoughts about my human family, made me reach the depths of despair. I knew what would come, yet feared it still. At that precise moment, feeling like it had split in twain; my heart started to beat, a fact I and my family desperately struggled to ignore. Realizing all that I had become since my death, had recalled unfamiliar human feelings long buried. Knowing that soon my heart would stop again, I cringed at the wave of emotions I expected. I wondered how many more times I would have to endure this torment. In any other case, I would have fled to the park to suffer in private. She needed me, however, and I couldn't leave her, not after seeing the visions and knowing something would happen soon. Anchored to my singer, I stared out the window praying for solace. The intensity of her Grandmother's vision added to my anxiety - I feared I could not protect her and having almost lost her three times - my mind recoiled.

I sank to my knees on the thick carpet. With my back to her, clutching the watch to my chest, despair washed over me. For a few shameful moments, I wondered how I could please both Fathers and still be me; how I could continue persuade her to love me and not drive her from my side. I smelled my own human blood again, and once again the desolation hit me, as I prayed my heart would not stop. I felt buffeted about with these strange feelings that I think stemmed from my human life: hope, happiness, longing, and anguish. My ability to cope cracked, as I realized I was about to repeat that hideous experience of losing my half-humanity all over again. Indeed my undead existence had now taken on qualities that made Sisyphus appear to have received a fair punishment.

Mary Alice and Jasper hunted in the woods near where I preferred to think. My human needed me at her side to protect her. She was a deep sleeper, anyway. I would remain trying to master my emotions and regain my exceptional control. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rocked back and forth, sensing for a moment my human Mother's hand on my face from the vision. I wrapped my arms around me to remember her embrace. Feeling again like Tantalus, I tracked my cruel heartbeat longing for the humanity kept one step from my grasp. Shuddering, I silently fought the urge to weep. I felt the fire of the watch in my hand, loathing myself for not being stronger. Clearly God had not finished rewarding me for my sins as he meted out the most devastating punishment: hope.

A hand touched my shoulder, and to my utter shame, my completely awake Fake Girlfriend walked around to face me. She halted my rocking frame with her small hands on my upper arms. Tasting human tears on my face that were my own shattered what little composure I had left, as she quietly took me in her arms. Considering for over 80 years, I had longed for almost every moment to reattain my humanity - having it halfway granted and yanked away became a new form of torture that decimated me in twenty-four hours. Standing there barefoot in her nightgown with the baby roses, her hair cascading around her shoulders, she wordlessly held me against her chest. Her hands caressed my stiffened shoulders. For half a second I panicked, and contemplated fleeing the room. Somehow, she seemed to know, as stubbornly she held me tighter and whispered in a determined voice, "You're not leaving."

With a sigh, I surrendered. Falling from my nerveless fingers, the pocket watch landed on the carpet with a soft thud. I unclenched my fists and wrapped my arms around her hips like a drowning man clutching a lifeline, gasping. She rocked back and forth for a moment, as the force of my grasp hit her. Rather than trying to break away, she stroked my hair. Her gesture humbled me, as I shivered. Bereft of pride, I couldn't stop crying, feeling shamed and weak, although I made not a sound. She kept one hand running through my hair, the other stroking my back and shoulders. My tears soaked her nightgown, as I listened to her poor lungs wheeze to the tune of her beating heart. After fifteen minutes, I started to calm, most likely due to the combined luxury of being in her touch and scent. Shamefaced, I realized how much time had passed and felt guilty.

"I apologize," my voice cracked, as I reached down for the pocket watch, lifting it from the carpet. My right arm remained around her.

"You're always the one being strong for me. Now it's my turn." She caressed my cheek, took the watch from my hand, and placed it on my desk, "Edward, come to bed." She whispered.

"It's not...." her fingers touched my lips, silencing me. I froze at the contact, as her warm fingers slid to my jaw, blithely dancing away from sure death. She tipped my chin up, with her hand grazing my jaw with her fingertips.

"Is this the part where you worry about my virtue?" My human looked fierce in the moonlight as she vowed, "You will be a gentleman; I have faith in you even if you don't, Fake Boyfriend. You are exhausted. I get to win this match."

She tugged at my arms. I decided to let her have her way and rose to my feet. Gently, she nudged me towards the bed. As I slid beneath the covers, I knew there'd be hell to pay. Regardless; I couldn't summon the will to care, foul creature that I was. Selfishly, I needed her. She crawled in beside me, yanked the comforter over us, and tenderly pulled me towards her saying my name. Broken, I crept as she directed me, and allowed her to arrange me to her satisfaction against her. My head rested upon her chest, listening to the symphony of her heart. She stroked my hair, murmuring soothing words with one hand, and my back with the other. I now understood why she enjoyed my fingers on her hair. I could feel the heat of my body temperature rise towards normal with the pumping of my heart. The silence resounded in the house.

I heard Starched Shirt Edward, who wiped away tears of his own, lament, "I would prefer you be outside the covers; but if you behave like a gentleman, I will excuse this just once. We have had a torturous few days. And our dear little one is definitely our Queen." Jugurtha the Predator snuffled alone in his lair, "What he said," echoed from the depths.

Waves of exhaustion from using the power that evening washed over me, as she whispered of how brave and strong she believed me to be. Combined with the loneliness that nibbled at the tatters of my soul, desolation's tide washed away my hope for humanity restored. I might not be able to live as a human, but I could still remember the vestiges of being one, thanks to her. The second she touched me, I felt calmer, like I had arrived home after a long journey. I ignored my beating heart to concentrate on hers.

Alerted by Father, Mary Alice and her mate had returned to the house. My brother quietly asked if he could send calming waves to me. At vampire pitch I whispered, "Please." Then I blocked everyone's thoughts. Even Jasper's power couldn't banish my woe, although it ameliorated it a bit. For the first time in my undead life, I fell asleep being held by a woman, to the lullaby of her words. Of all my cherished possessions I only had five things that meant anything to me; and the most precious had a beating heart, her tiny arms wrapped around me, as we lay entwined in my bed. I realized, in that moment, that I would give anything to be able to feel this kind of peace every night. Jasper's power swept over us both again, and carried us away to dream.

I dreamt of sitting in my human parent's bedroom in Chicago, as Mother styled her hair, preparing for an evening out with Father. I had her hair color and cheekbones. She wore a lavender gown, diamonds at her neck.

"Edward, I saw your father gave you the pocket watch last night. I also have something to offer you. Now that you are a man, you are old enough to court a young lady. This was your Great-grandmother's," she handed me a silver locket. I opened it to read the tiny words, "To my heart's beloved," inscribed within.

"It's lovely Mother, thank you."

"In order to find a suitable bride, son, you have to converse. I am going to throw a series of teas so you can practice. I know you're shy. After a few months, we'll hold a dance, and invite your favorite young lady and your group of friends from school."

The dream ended as I saw my human Mother's smile. Tomorrow was the anniversary of our death.

Despite sleeping for hours, I awoke in the same position, cradled in my singer's arms, my head in the hollow of her shoulder early the next morning after sunrise. Because I had neglected to close the shutters the night before, soft light illuminated the room. She had awakened before me, and caressed my hair. The sensation indescribable, imbuing her scent calmed me; as her tiny hand stroked my head, the pleasure ironic given the pain that I anticipated as I heard the echo of my heartbeat. I had no idea what I would tell her, and at the moment didn't even care. My heart would soon cease beating, and I girded myself for the incipient misery. Carlisle told the family to please leave me in peace, as they all listened to my gradually slowing heart. Real human tears welled in my eyes, and fell on her gown, as Mary Alice, Esme, Jasper, Emmett and particularly Rosalie wept along with me in solidarity. I thought of the dream and my human Mother's face, recalling the locket packed in the trunk upstairs. My family and I listened, and my human held me in her arms, as my heart slowly stopped. With the last beat, I felt her lips on my forehead. Somehow peace eventually settled in my screaming mind. I had kept my eyes shut the entire time too, afraid to look at her. I could only take so much, and weeping in her arms.....I dreaded her reaction in the light of day.

In a welcome distraction she spoke, "Edward," she whispered, kissing the top of my head, "I think we should take a holiday - just the two of us." A jolt of power ripped through me, at the touch of her lips against my skin. I genuinely wondered what she considered a holiday to be as she stroked my back. Her voice sounded so loving. I decided to pretend as if I hadn't spent the night in her arms sobbing like a child. A man had to have his dignity. She elected to let me pretend, smart girl.

"Capital idea, my Queen." I answered, swallowing. Reaching for the nightstand across her, my long arm captured her medication and handed it to her along with a glass of water. She gulped the pills, and emptied the glass. Unable to meet her eyes, I helped her stand, and escorted her to the doorway of my bathroom. Her lungs sounded clearer, and she walked with more ease. Staring out the window, I listened to her movements as she relieved herself, washed her hands, and brushed her teeth and hair behind the closed door. Morosely, I wondered how long it would take for her to dismiss me from her sight. It was early, and she required more rest,I thought, as I used the shutters to darken the room. Girding myself for rejection, I tried not to start in surprise when she padded behind me and took my hand in hers. Rather than sneering, her face appeared tentative as she searched my features. With a shy smile, she turned to the bed and decisively pulled me away from the window. I liked my bossy silent human. Who was I to deny her when she pushed me towards the welcoming sheets? A true gentleman never refused a lady's nonverbal request. I did wonder what she had in mind, I confess, as she pulled the covers over us. So too, damn them, did my family, whose thoughts I studiously ignored.

Once we were under the covers, she scooted against me cuddling, "Tell me about the watch." Fortunately for me, I acted as a gentleman only when it suited me, as I pondered a whole host of lies, and settled for a severely edited version of the truth. The best deceptions, after all, contained an element of fact.

"It belonged to my late Father. I stumbled upon it yesterday...It was the anniversary of his death, today is the anniversary of my late Mother's," an epic understatement, if ever, but ironically the truth. I recalled the tumult of memories and long dead emotions. My expression in the dim light must have conveyed my distress.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She didn't waste useless platitudes or pity on me. It amazed me that she respected my grief. I had no idea what I had done to merit such an angel. Since my devious mind couldn't think of anything else to say, I took the coward's route. I pretended to fall asleep as she lay stroking my hair, relaxing my body and slowing my breathing rate. Even Emmett refused to tease me as I anticipated. As he and Rosalie left for the day, he announced their intention on eating human food at a local eatery, even though it was the weekend. Mary Alice and Jasper remained in their room, my Parents in the library. My brother complimented me on my strategy in avoiding conversation. He sent what perhaps was the strongest wave of calm I've ever allowed wash over me, which had the effect of knocking my singer out like a pugilist's punch. I switched positions to cradle her. It was, after all, my turn, as I arranged the covers around us. Despite my cooling body temperature, her pendant seemed to protect her.

Over and over in my mind, I recalled the image of her holding me in her arms as I wept, of the sensation of falling asleep in her embrace. I realized something that day. My singer might be tiny, but she was deceptively strong. Even better, she seemed to accept my emotional weaknesses. That should serve her well. Being my Fake Girlfriend, perhaps my real fiancée, was definitely going to test her if I had my way. I imagined the glass shattering around us with a smile, ignoring the shrieking of Starched Shirt Edward as he pontificated about chastity, as I caressed her back hearing her sigh, "Edward." Take that Jacob Black, I smirked, as she kissed the fabric of my shirt in her sleep. Rubber-mouthed Rapscallion. Speaking of lips, I'd have to work on that whole kissing while conscious business; I decided. With a sigh, I ruminated over last night's blissful sensation of her lips on my brow, and the top of my head. I'd been too upset at the time to properly enjoy the feeling, a fact that I intended on remedying as my vampire mind replayed the image continuously. After all; Fake Girlfriends required real kisses, I thought in anticipation, as my fingers grazed from her neck to rest on her cheek. With a wicked smile as I gazed down upon her gorgeous face; I justified that it was, if I recalled correctly, my turn.

* * *

**Author's Note: Edward wakes up to find he's in a vision with Hezekiah who is trying to help him understand his powers. When he returns back to real life, Edward thinks he's a human for a few blessed moments but he can't let everyone know how happy that makes him because he's never told anyone in his family how much he loathes being a vampire. (His newborn years sure he had lots of emotional outbursts in front of Carlisle but they were about the process of being a vampire - forgetting his memories, etc. and he didn't want to make Carlisle feel guilty.) So to have his heart start and stop twice in 24 hours broke him. Also he has all these raging emotions floating about that he can't identify that drain him physically and emotionally. Edward and his brothers kidnap Gregory Clearwater and take him to the cave where he murdered Hezekiah Stone all those years ago. Edward uses his powers to "show" to the Quileute elders all the murders that Gregory Clearwater did as they stand over the decomposed body of Hezekiah. Without blinking an eye, or an ounce of regret, quiet shy Edward stripped Gregory Clearwater of his ability to be in the afterlife with his family - in front of the stunned elders and his equally floored brothers. Also, he is finally getting a bit of time to think about the human memories that he's recovering through the visions that Genevieve sparks; and he's afraid that his family will be offended if he shows how happy that makes him. So the scene with Esme was written to show that he has two vampire parents who love him unconditionally and he doesn't understand that. And then there are those powers....**

**Edward has constructed this elaborate self-delusion as a response to trauma - the perfect vampire shy son who never offends anyone for fear of rejection. You are starting to see that start to shake and rattle as he picks fights with his siblings, breaks Mike's legs, threatens people at school, obsesses over Bella, Speaks at length for crying out loud which is agonizingly difficult for him (esp with Bella), and actually cries in front of her even after she finds him. In what perhaps is the lowest moment of his life so far he reaches out to her for comfort, and she's strong for him. And Edward can't believe it. He's never let himself be vulnerable like this with anyone much less a human. So in the last paragraphs you are starting to see him begin to change the way he thinks about her. Next up we'll see how he reacts to them. Thanks for reading. :) Books**

**Dream Edward is blinking around Jugurtha the Predator's shoulder begging for a review, blowing kisses at you. :)**


	22. HOD pt 11 Weapons of Mass Distraction

**Snarky Summary: So Edward had a rough couple of days. And last chapter saw him reach his breaking point with his Quileute powers giving him symptoms that he simply does not understand. His heart has been starting and stopping. And it makes him hope that his heart will continue beating. And when it does not, Edward can't show how much emotionally that devastates him - out of fear of offending his family. They have no idea he hates every second of being immortal, and he prefers things stay that way. But it physically hurts like heck - think of a heart attack - that's what Edward is dealing with in terms of pain. He broke down after the cumulative events of the last chapter got to him and wept in Bella's arms. Much to his surprise, she did not reject him, dragged him to bed, and insisted on holding him in her arms until he fell asleep. What a woman. His woman. He thinks. **

**Your reviews for the last chapter were simply stunning. Thank you so much for reading. And thanks so much for your feedback.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the amazing Mizra who made my banner. Oh my gracious mercy the women is a fiendishly creative artist! Not only that but she's also a talented author - check out her story Consummation.**

**As ever, this would not have been possible without the avid assistance of Fantasy Mother and Oxymoronic8 who beta-ed mightily on my behalf - grammar queens extraordinaire. And Arioch, oh great one, you have my thanks for helping me understand just what the goodness is going on in Edward's brain.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. Startched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, Sister Claire, Benedict, the O'Sheas, and Hezekiah are mine. So There.**

**All hail to vjgm my validating beta!**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Eleven - Weapons of Mass Distraction**

In the dark of my room, I rearranged the blankets around my singer and me meticulously trying to ensure that they and the 800 thread cotton sheets comforted her in her sleep. My human needed to stay warm and rest as her trampled immune system worked to recover from the spoiled fruits of our negligence. Castigating myself as I saw the purple shadows underneath her eyes in her sleeping face, I realized something. Comforting me through my deplorable emotional weakness clearly exhausted her and necessity required me to remain vigilant to protect her from an ineluctable attack by mysterious vampires and her peculiar Grandmother's method of conveying said warnings. Thanks to my debility she had missed her breakfast, I scowled. Already I had failed her. She must gain weight to be strong.

While stroking her incredibly fragrant hair, I scarified myself for my litany of recent transgressions. I stilled my fingers as the thought struck me: was addiction to stroking her hair treatable? Trichotillomania was the compulsion to pull out one's hair while toying with it, and clearly I did not suffer from that ailment. While I did not desire to pull a single strand from her resplendent head; caressing her hair, however, had become a practice I found difficult to stop.

This did not mean that I did not desire to touch and smell the aforementioned filaments every opportunity I could seize. This new pastime could prove awkward if I continued it at school in front of others; or worse, if I lacked the will power to refrain from engaging in said behavior in public. My hands seemed to take on a will of their own as they resumed their now habitual path from her crown; to the side of her head, to the strands that ran through my fingers like silk threads, as I moved down her back. I reasoned that it lowered her blood pressure. Additionally, she had specifically requested that I engage in the aforementioned nonverbal behavior: although she had been delirious at the time.

Her pleas indicated my touch soothed her and created feelings of security as she attempted to keep the demons who haunted her dreams at bay. She had not protested when I engaged in this activity when she was awake so that meant she really wanted it right? Or did that mean it was only appropriate to do with she was unconscious - oh how this issue vexed me so. And I did restrict my hands to her tresses, and her cheek, and her neck, and her ears - but primarily her lovely long locks. And for heaven's sake I kept my fingers away from her mouth. I had some morals.

It would be unmanly to take advantage of her after all. In the unlikely event that I ever did take advantage of a women she would most definitely request it, would most definitely be conscious and she would most definitely remember it. And we would most definitely be wedded prior to any of that taking advantage business. My Mother raised me right. Both of them.

Starched Shirt Edward snorted in disdain from his prayer bench ignoring me while fingering his rosary beads peering devoutly at the heavens as he began his morning prayers with an act of adoration. Years ago he had attached a miraculous medallion to the rosary as a sign of his devotion to the Blessed Mother. Now the beads had a medallion of Saint Augustine dangling from it as well winking in the light obnoxiously as he engaged in his ritual devotions hands clasped tightly. Rolling my eyes at his piety I thought back to my actions of the night before and remembered my feeling of hopelessness and despair, rubbing at my still heart that somehow managed to hurt. Feeling her arms around me as she soothed my battered soul I marveled at the feeling of pure acceptance I had felt in her embrace. Despite my weakness, she had made me feel like a man of pith, of vigor.

Perhaps prayer was in order, I gulped, uncharacteristically asking him to pray for our dear little one as we had exhausted her so and she had been so strong for us. Beatifically beaming, he smiled eyes closed and chanted louder in Latin. Jugurtha Predator rumbled in agreement from the depths of his cave and I could swear I heard a pater noster or two escaping from the pitch black of his lair. The mental image of me bawling on my knees before her, burying my shamed face in her chest, created a dichotomy in my mind. On one hand my tears caused me mortification; yet on the other her embraces and whispered words and gentle touch stirred in me an unparalleled reverence. Furthermore, the way she behaved as if nothing was wrong and I had not been an ululating weakling stunned me this morning. An eternity of veneration would never be enough in my mind to make up to her the sense of gratitude I experienced. My dear little one knew how to make me feel like a man, abominable beast that I was, even when I was at my lowest point, and hadn't been human for eighty-eight years. And I would never cease feeling stupefied by her.

A line from the play the Bostonians came to mind. I could see the male actor bellowing that being a man meant "the ability to dare and endure, to know and yet not fear reality, to look the world in the face and take it for what it is." Last night I had cowered from the universe in her soft limbs. I had cried not once but twice within 24 hours. By all rights she should be banishing me from the bed and her regard. This new breed of women in this age was ever so difficult to discern. Striving to comprehend the rudiments of her uncanny mind reminded me of the process of learning a new language. By the standards of my era, I could weep in the arms of my wife if tragedy occurred, but not the woman I courted. Doing so would render me weak, effeminate, un-manly, using the term from my childhood, a "sissy."

Jugurtha Predator tapped me on the shoulder. Ordinarily if he interrupted me in bed with a lovely woman we would have not have engaged in pleasant discourse. Starched Shirt Edward staring straight ahead in meditation reviled from his prayer bench over clasped hands that my proximity in bed with a human female - any female for that matter but our dear little one in particular - was certainly not an ordinary event; thank the Sweet Lord on High. Since my singer currently laid face pressed to my chest snoring in my arms with the covers pulled up to her neck shielding her from their eyes; and entertaining me with her occasional snuffling. I opted to overlook their invasion of our privacy on this sole occurrence. And I definitely planned on making this not merely an ordinary experience but a regularly occurring extraordinary experience the sleeping in her arms bit - not the sobbing. I'd have to research how to do so while working up the courage to ask her on a "scent"-antic excursion. Jugurtha cleared his throat to draw my attention to him as he stood at the end of the bed arms crossed, tapping his left hand fingers against his right bicep.

"We can only endure so much. Expressing emotion was a sign of strength last night." He uncrossed his arms. I expected him to flex muscles, brandish a pistol or bend free weights in half order to emphasize his, I mean our manliness. Reading my mind he glared.

"How do you see that being so?" I drolled. Starched Shirt Edward approached to listen pursing his lips at the sight of her in my arms. Once again he decided to hold his tongue realizing I needed her so.

Jugurtha Predator spread his arms wide palms up as he pointed to the image of me holding her warm body in my cold embrace. "Now she's in our arms. We played possum. She bought the ploy. Courting her will be easy now provided we don't overuse the strategy. We marshaled excellent gamesmanship taking advantage of our emotional state to lure her." He shook his head in admiration.

Starched Shirt Edward huffed in annoyance, "I disagree. We had our dreams smashed in front of us repeatedly yesterday. We were genuinely overwhelmed and it was not wrong to seek comfort. Had we not expressed emotion our behavior could have been much worse and with these strange powers that we don't understand we might have hurt someone. We now feel better for having wept. And we know that we can express that strong emotion in front of her without harming her. Turning it into a ploy demeans her and last night." He stalked away without a word, disgusted and with clenched fists. Since Alice's theory that the earth shaking was not sexual but emotionally sparked, he did have an insightful point.

I decided to humor Jugurtha for a moment, "Playing possum, if I recall, meant you pretended to be dead in order to strike upon an unsuspecting enemy." I scratched my jaw thinking. She shifted in my arms at the absence of my hands so I quickly restored them to her hair and back.

"Edward," she whispered as my spirits soared.

"You remember well."

"How precisely was sobbing in her arms like a young child playing possum? We simply appeared incapable of controlling our emotions." I winced as I recalled the image of soaking her nightgown with human tears.

"Not by this century's standards. It meant you were strong enough to show you being vulnerable to her according to Oprah. Plus you made her want to care for you and that was a two for one win. And my friend, if you don't go hunting soon, we really will chomp her lovely swan-like neck."

Starched Shirt Edward emerged from the library carrying a dusty tome of the writings of St. Augustine of Hippo in his hand. He flipped through the pages humming a Gregorian chant appropriate for Lent until he reached one particular passage, "'I came to You late, O Beauty so ancient and new. I came to love You late. You were within me and I was outside where I rushed about wildly searching for You like some monster loose in Your beautiful world. You were with me but I was not with You. You called me, You shouted to me, You wrapped me in Your Splendor, You broke past my deafness, You bathed me in Your Light, You sent my blindness reeling. You gave out such a delightful fragrance and I drew it in and came breathing hard after You. I tasted, and it made me hunger and thirst; You touched me, and I burned to know Your Peace.' Even Saint Augustine knew about our dear little one and how she would bring us back to the Lord." He chirped in triumph waving his free hand in emphasis as he closed the tome with a resounding thud. Dust exploded from the book making him sneeze twice. He removed his handkerchief blowing his nose.

The words he read struck a chord in me, except for that bringing us back to the Lord part. St. Augustine did have an inspired point. It might have taken me a century to find my singer. Most assuredly she had gifted me with her splendor and fragrance. And I certainly burned to know more about her and felt like a monster. And last night as well as this morning her hands upon me had soothed my tortured soul. My fortitude increased as I concluded that St. Augustine of Hippo had gifted me with his approval in addition to the blessings of her most generous, genius, wonderful Grandmother Mrs. O'Shea Swan, I cogitated piously. Well she was when she wasn't placing her beloved Grandchild in the midst of supernatural peril.

St. Augustine's words perfectly described our relationship. I most definitely revered my singer's sanctified fragrance and being in her arms brought me perhaps the first bit of peace I had experienced in my undead existence. Who knew he'd have foreseen it centuries ago? Heaven and her family blessed my Fake Girlfriend and our Fake Romance.

Starched Shirt Edward called after me like chewing gum on a shoe sole, "Continue to think noble thoughts of our suit with our dear little one. I will be beseeching aid on her behalf from Saint Monica."

"Why, dare I ask are you addressing that particular saint? Is this another swipe at my refusal to attend church since St. Monica was Saint Augustine's mother and he led an early wayward life prior to converting?" Acid leaked into my voice.

"A wee bit defensive are we not?" he huffed, arms akimbo, "The most holy St. Monica is the patron saint of wives. And we need a spouse. And our dear little one would make a wonderful wife and mother." He peered at her sleeping form over my shoulder anxiously, "We don't want to awaken her as she clearly needs her rest." Then he wagged his index finger at me, "and no more lying against her in bed without a wooden ruler between you two or a nun present preferably a cloistered Dominican or a Carmelite. It is appropriate and more practical to guard her if we are outside the covers. If attacked we would have to struggle with the fabric."

Waving my hand over my shoulder dismissively, Jugurtha and I both ignored him. I had been too busy weeping earlier to think unholy thoughts. Oedipal octopus. He did have a point about the wife part though. We were lonely and she would most definitely do. Not to mention there were a whole host of things I wanted to do to her. After we wed, of course. I felt the familiar scratching at my throat.

"Vengeance," my singer muttered.

Good Lord was that her Grandmother again gracing us with servings of ubiquitous doubt? Capricious Confabulator. What? That phrase most certainly described her and it was uttered in a respectful tone. Sort of. Besides, I waved an arm puffing air from my lips while exhaling, what could she possibly do to me that could surpass the past 24 hours?

Caressing my human's back as she pressed against my chest and drooled, she delighted me again. I contemplated that I certainly would seek vengeance should any foul creature, mortal or otherwise, threaten her. Any reasonable vampire protected the sanctity of his singer's scent. It was only natural after all. She was critical in my life - only in her arms did I feel almost human. And her Grandmother did make it clear she approved of our Fake romance. I waited for my human to intone more mystifying prognostications but under my supervision she stubbornly remained quiet.

Of course that's when the vision struck. This time a force lifted me up into the air out of the bed and forced me to drop my human to the sheets. It slammed me several times against the floor face first before dropping me in a discombobulated huddle at the foot of the bed. My keen powers of observation suspected at that moment that Genevieve required my attention.

Rosalie and my entire family froze as the image of my blonde sister dressed in a black winter coat raced into their minds. She stood in a living room talking to her friend Vera who cooed at her child standing near a roaring fireplace in the chilly house. Vision Rosalie's fashionable attire contrasted sharply with Vera's faded dress. The furniture battered and sparse, the interior of the house might have been shabby, but appeared meticulously clean. Both women wore perfume, differing scents that sweetened the air when combined with the scent from the fire.

Vera said, "Just you wait Rosalie, once you are married you'll have several of these in a row. I can't even begin to describe how much I love my little boy. But I have a feeling in my bones that you'll be a wonderful mother. And your children will be stunning." She reached her free arm out and embraced Vision Rosalie with the child in between them sleeping.

Vision Rosalie seemed so happy and carefree as she hugged her friend back running her fingers through the little boy's curls. Vision Rosalie said to Vera, "I can't for the life of me reason why you put up with me, Vera. You are far too nice to me, considering I'm such a horrible friend back."

I had to give her credit, at least she knew herself when she was a human. Vision Vera took Vision Rosalie's hand in her own for a brief squeeze and chastised, "Nonsense, Rosalie, my life would not be the same without you. The next one," she took her free hand and rubbed her flat stomach, "if it's a girl will bear your name." Vision Rosalie's face transformed into a breathtaking smile, one of innocence and true joy.

I heard the entire family remark on how different and relaxed and happy she appeared. Vision Rosalie's eyes began to fill with tears as she squeezed her friend's free hand. Present Rosalie thought to herself that Vera seemed to always accept her for who she was inside and no one else did. Vera's long brown hair, pale skin, and brown eyes alarmingly resembled my human. So too, did her face and figure. Present Rosalie latched onto that idea as the rest of the family did and gasped as the view came to a close resting on Vera stroking her son's head at the door waving at Vision Rosalie who smiled over her shoulder as she carefully made her way through the snow to return home. I had never seen her look so relaxed and at peace in all the time I had known my sister. Her carefree smile and swinging arms as she walked haunted me. Vision Rosalie briskly walked into the frigid winter night down the tree lined streets to meet her cruel death at the hands of her fiancé. She looked over her shoulder as she heard a skittering noise and the breaking of glass and increased her pace, shaking her head as if she were hearing phantom noises before confidently resuming her stride.

The vision ended focusing on the back of her form as she stepped into the dark and vanished in a swirl of snow.

"I never saw how much they resembled each other. I mean I remembered Vera's face, but it must have faded with time," Rosalie said wonderingly, voice cracking as she recalled the few pleasant memories of that night that she died at her fiancé's hands.

Emmett reached over and took her into his arms kissing the top of her head, "I love you Rose, and your friend sure was nice."

Again, I could not understand why her Grandmother sent that particular vision. So Rosalie talked to a friend who held a child? That woman was infuriatingly crafty and too clever for her own good. And why remind my siblings of horrific events from their lives? How did that help my singer? And this time the entire family had experienced the vision. I had been the only one touching my singer. How odd.

"Stupid" muttered my human.

"Perhaps," I grumbled back from the floor, "but could you possibly attempt to be a bit clearer, pretty please? We all want to protect her and can't make sense of your messages. Take pity on us. Draft a memo next time. Or have Liam try to communicate. Maybe he's clearer."

"Dream Edward?" my singer asked.

"Yes my heart?"

"Grandmother says think harder. She's nicer than Liam. And she likes your mother."

Aside from her encouragement for my continued cogitation I had to agree that Esme was wonderful. Again an invisible force lifted me into the air and slammed me against the floor a few times for emphasis. I couldn't let her attempts to abuse me distract me from my singer who needed me to keep her safe and calm.

"Tell your amazing Grandmother that we shall definitely endeavor to do so and please offer her my thanks her kind regard of my Mother." Ignoring her comments about her being nicer than Liam I added, "Please ask your Grandfather and Granduncle if they would consider attempting to communicate with me." I soothed in return.

She had to be exaggerating about her twin and I had yet to encounter Jericho as well. Men were more logical after all. Perhaps they'd make more sense since she certainly didn't. Genevieve released me from her clutches and I rushed to my singer's side crawling into bed, rearranging the covers and holding her against me. I felt peace wash over me.

"Journal. Blood. Tree. Help"

I wanted to throw my arms up in the air, but that would have launched my singer from them, which would have been deadly and unacceptable as frustration coursed through me. So Genevieve decided at that moment to strike again with simultaneous visions that roared once again into our minds. If I thought having two visions at once hurt, I spoke far too soon. In a whirlpool of confusion, everyone in the house experienced three visions at the same time. The first concerned my brother Emmett.

It opened with a younger version of him hunched over a large table filled with smiling faces of his curly haired blue-eyed brunette siblings: Amy, Tommy, Danny, Bobby, Marian, and Samuel. Vision Emmett was the oldest at sixteen and Danny, the youngest, was four. Their house consisted of two small rooms and the men slept in the barn. Vision Emmett gently cuffed Bobby as he passed the warm bread around teasing him for forgetting a Bible passage at Sunday school. We could smell the beef stew they ate and the yeast of the mouth-watering bread. It struck us as peculiar to actually enjoy human food smells. Emmett's parents Hank and Bess beamed fondly at their brood.

Marian turned to defend Bobby saying to Vision Emmett, "He knows the Bible better than you. And what are you bothering him for?"

With his trademark laugh done in a cracking voice Vision Emmett answered, "Cause it's my job as the oldest brother to keep you all in line."

Clearly Emmett had carried that annoying habit with him into the afterlife. His family appeared quite happy around the table. It ended with Vision Emmett looking at his parents who sat side by side. They had already eaten and simply clasped hands on top of the table. We noticed the way Hank gazed upon his curly haired wife with the bright blue eyes: complete adoration. In the vision his family wore rough clothing that had been mended several times. His siblings all appeared well fed and loving toward one another as they passed the stew around. Vision Emmett thought to himself that he had only vague memories of his parents although he knew he came from a happy family. He remembered that particular dinner he had dug up some extra potatoes for Ma to add to the stew to stretch it out so there would be enough for everyone. Emmett also recalled how when her fingers would get tired, he would take over kneading the bread if he was at the house to help her. She made such amazing bread the smell filled the house in the vision. The final thing we saw in this one ended focusing on his mother and father holding hands smiling at their children. At the same time we had one involving Father.

The vision began focusing on the cross that Carlisle had on the wall of his study, pulling away to reveal it hanging in a building and his Father standing at his pulpit preaching to a lone audience of his stunned son. Vision Carlisle looked overwhelmed as his Vision father insisted that the only thing he could trust in the world was written in the scriptures by the Hand of God all else a vile imputation to the soul. Carlisle's father looked so much like him; aside from the fact that he was a religious fanatic he had the same cherubic features. Vision Rev. Cullen ranted about evil in old English. He instructed his son tapping an index finger in the middle of Carlisle's forehead to remember that evil lived in our deeds that we carried out every day as much as it lived in the ones we neglected to do or say. Evil was clever and we had to outwit Satan with constant vigilance to avoid having a vagrant soul. We had to be the Hand of the Lord and protect our flock. It was not so much his words that were objectionable as the manner of their delivery. Vision Carlisle promised his Vision madman foaming at the mouth parent that he would do his best to keep his word and revere the Lord in all things. I could feel the spittle landing on Carlisle's frozen face as his father vociferated his view of Christianity and exhorted his son to go and hunt for demons that he heard existed in the sewers nearby and put them to death. It ended focusing on the Bible clutched in Carlisle's hands as his father slammed his fist on the pulpit ranting that he must never forget to protect the innocent from the monsters Satan constantly used to bombard the world.

We all experienced Vision Carlisle's pain at feeling that he would never share his Father's views, and therefore their estrangement was only a matter of time because he refused to take another human life. And he most definitely would not lead a mob in such a horrendous deed. He believed in a more loving merciful God. He wondered how he could continue without having his Father call for his death on the grounds of being a heretic. He decided that tonight was the night he would stand up to his Father. He would take the group of people waiting out in front of the church with pitchforks and axes and torches and show them reasonably that monsters did not live in the sewers. The Bible flickered out of sight.

The third vision involved Alice. It began with her crying mother and stoic father saying farewell. Vision Mary Alice's father awkwardly patted her shoulder, cleared his throat and said, "Be good, my girl."

Her Mother took something out of her pocket and put it over her daughter's neck, kissed her abruptly, and said, "Remember what I told you. Never forget. I love you, Mary. We'll come back for you as soon as things settle. It might be a while, though."

Mrs. Brandon's voice broke and she started to weep. "They killed Jeremy, Mary Alice. I only have you and your sister left. I can't lose you both. I had to hide the two of you. I'm sorry we can't stay together right now. I know how much you are hurting."

Mr. Brandon shook Alice's shoulder as she started to weep and rumbled, "You're not to blame - that sin falls upon the Reverend for the murder of a child. And God will judge him. You're a good girl, and I love you. I need you to stay strong for the family. Our cousins will see Jeremy's body is buried."

Before Vision Mary Alice's devastated eyes, they left the room without a word, her father supporting her sobbing mother. Vision Mary Alice huddled on a chair wrapping her arms around herself shivering hanging her head. Her long hair fell in such a way that we could not see her face or her bodice. We all felt her desolation. The vegetarian vampire Benedict entered the room and crouched before her bringing his body to her eye level. He took her hand in his wrapping a wool blanket from a stack on a nearby table around her shivering shoulders and did his best to calm her.

"This must be difficult for you. I will do my best to ensure your stay here is safe."

"Why would you care?" Vision Alice sniffed, wiping her eyes and nose with a handkerchief.

"Because I believe your visions are true and I will not permit anyone harm you for it." Benedict's voice was deep, with a rich tone, and he used it well to calm her.

"You do?"

"Indeed, Mary, I do. We are going to have to pretend, however, that you are a patient until I can find you a safe place to stay. Will you play along with me and pretend?"

"What do I have to do?" We could sense her anguish.

"Unfortunately I'm going to have to cut your hair. We give shock treatments to people with the condition that I'm going to write down that you have. I promise I won't subject you to them, but your hair will have to be cut. It has the added benefit of making you more difficult to recognize. Your hair is quite distinctive," he pointed to her thick curling tresses and gently tugged on them so that they were no longer hidden behind the wool blanket she clutched to her chest. He moved her long thick ringlets to fall behind her small shoulders. "I'll try to keep it a little longer than we usually do if that's agreeable."

Vision Mary Alice's voice flattened and she appeared to slump as she waved an arm in permission. "My little brother Jeremy is dead. I have no right to complain about anything any more. My hair will grow back anyway. I'd rather have short hair than be killed at that lunatic's hands like he did my brother." She shuddered and the blanket fell open at her chest. Benedict's eyes traveled to the medallion hanging around her neck and he stilled for quite some time staring in awe before his features became business-like.

"Would you mind if I asked you a question before we begin?" He took out a pair of shears. "Not at all." Vision Mary Alice responded wiping away more tears. She decided to pretend she wasn't crying. Benedict went along with her act. "Where did you get this medallion?" He lifted up the pendant; an almost identical piece to my singer's with one exception. The stone in this was an unusual shade of deep blue. Otherwise, the necklaces matched. When Benedict touched it, a bright light flared from it and we all heard a musical tone that sounded like pipes playing a haunting melody before it and the light faded. We gaped as we saw his eyes shifted from topaz to light blue to topaz within the span of a minute while his hand rested on Mary Alice's shoulder as she had her vision. It seemed he shared it. "What was that?" Vision Mary Alice asked afraid to trust her own mind as she emerged from a brief vision of a burning building. "I'm not sure, but I'm going to get you out of this building immediately. I think you need to keep it near you at all times. Where did you get it?" "My Mother gave it to me a few minutes ago. She told me on the way there that her mother had given it to her and that I had to protect it and never lose it. She was too scared to tell me why." Someone out of view came to the doorway and Benedict said sharply while covering the medallion with his fist, "I have no need of your services. This patient is under my personal care, thank you. That will be all." Vision Mary Alice's shoulders stiffened and we sensed whoever she saw terrified her. We all heard growling both from Benedict and the person at the door, although Vision Mary Alice did not. At vampire pitch Benedict said, "I can tell her blood sings to you, and I won't let you have her. She is my new child and I lay claim to her. Leave now or face my wrath and that of my entire coven." Eventually the person at the door left. Benedict calmly waited until they were alone and then carried on the conversation as if they had never been interrupted, dropping the medallion back into place. We could see he listened to ensure whoever had bothered them had left hearing range. "We shall follow your Mother's excellent advice." Benedict said as he lifted one of Vision Mary Alice's locks and apologized before cutting it. His hand wore a gold ring with a crest I quickly memorized of a lion rampant. Vision Alice looked drained and past caring as her long hair fell to the ground. "Mary, I have a plan, and I need you to listen carefully. I intend to smuggle you out of here right now. I promise to do my best to keep you safe. Would you mind putting the necklace on the table for a moment? The necklace is so thin I'm afraid I'd hurt it with the scissors." We could see the back of Mary Alice's head as she removed the necklace placing it on the table by the stack of blankets. The last sight focused on the pendant before all went black in our minds as we heard the noise of Benedict's teeth entering Mary Alice's flesh. We heard was Mary Alice's terrified scream followed by the voice of Benedict saying, "I'm sorry it had to be done this way. I had to protect you from him. I'll make it up to you my child. I swear. We have to get you out of here now. The smoke is getting thick."

We could hear screams all over the building as fire erupted and spread. Benedict lifted Mary Alice's writhing form and said at vampire pitch, "I've changed her so she no longer has any value to you. And for your behavior I most definitely will hunt you down. I'll give you a head start. My family is on their way. Were I you I would most definitely run as fast as I could. We tend to have a long memory."

A beam crashed through the room and he charged out of the room with Mary Alice, the pendent left behind on the table. Present Mary Alice recalled the smell of the room and the fear she had felt. She did not remember the face of the vampire at the door; merely that whoever it was had terrified her. We felt her anguish at losing her family and her memories. Our minds were released at once from the force of the visions and we all sank in relief.

Father asked aloud, "I can't believe I'm saying this but my head actually hurts. Is everyone well?" We all called out that we were well and also had headaches, some more than others. Jasper's mind feared for his wife, but calmed when he felt her sense of wonder at recovering more of her human memories even if they were painful ones. Rosalie curled in Emmett's arms as he murmured to her of his love.

Mother held Father's hand and said, "You're absolutely right Carlisle, he was a sad man. Again you amaze me with your strength. And I'll never complain about my parents again," she teased."They might have been weak, but they definitely weren't certifiably insane."

I gripped my pounding head, pained from the visions in triplicate. My singer reached out in her sleep and touched me patting me on the shoulder as if I were a rabbit at a petting zoo. The second she made contact the pain vanished. I didn't want to question why as its cessation occupied my thoughts. From listening around the house, my family's thoughts seemed bewildered.

Father said, "We should hunt in shifts and then meet to discuss this latest message. He turned to Mary Alice and said, "Benedict had a faint Irish accent from the central part of the country, but I do not know this man. And I had not heard of any other vegetarian covens that existed at the time aside from our own circle and the Denalis. And you can sense he genuinely feared for you, Mary Alice."

My sister agreed with a sigh, nodding at Father as her husband held her hand, "I know Father. I could tell the same. It's so hard not being able to remember. Before I didn't mind because I had no idea what I did not have. Now I have some memories and yet I can not remember much else."

Frustrated at the burning in my mouth, I tore myself away from my singer's side, stealthily untangled myself from her embrace, and arranged the covers around her. She started to frown in her sleep and muttered my name reaching a searching arm out for me much to my amazement. Remembering how she cried at the hospital I wanted to prevent emotional distress. I removed my shirt and placed it against her cheek. The accusation could be made as I stared down at her that I smirked. I would, most certainly, know nothing of such behavior.

She was mine even in her repose; she had yet to ascertain that fact as of yet. I'd be tutoring her slowly at my leisure in that, and chess, of course. Realizing belatedly that if one of my family members entered the room and found me standing shirtless over her staring in the dark room like a madman there'd be hell to pay, I decided to don fresh attire. Walking to my closet at vampire speed, I snatched clean clothing from hangers and changed in the bathroom. Gulping venom away from my teeth, I departed the room. As I exited and saw the wooden molding along the wall, I remembered my dream from the night before, and turned to the attic stairs once again.

My feet pulled me to my trunk, and I knelt before it, and lifted the lid. Rummaging about I found the locket from my dream. It had tarnished with time despite being wrapped in protective cloth. Delicate engraving of a floral bouquet surrounded by leaves adorned the cover. Like a blind man upon his first sight, I opened it staring with incredulity. Although I had remembered the words inside the locket correctly in the vision, they had not been in English as I had thought, but Gaelic instead. A Ghrá mo Chroí was inscribed inside, a phrase that did indeed mean 'my heart's beloved' or 'my darling.' I had not spoken Gaelic since...gracious since I had been turned. The language was coming back to me. I recalled I had spoken it almost exclusively with Grandmother Grace, although she had tried to work on her English by smattering a few words in here and there. I closed the trunk and carried the locket out of the attic descending the staircase and went back into my bedroom to check on my human again.

Initially I planned on putting the locket in the box with the other objects. Staring at the tarnish that time had left on it, I changed my mind. How could I process a vision that occurred in Gaelic and think it happened in English? I'd have to talk to Father about this once the dust had settled from the latest happenings. He had enough to worry about at present. The latest prescient set of images confounded us all. Alice's vision, like Jasper's showed the circumstances of her turning. Carlisle's vision showed his genetic line fortunately had been halted by God, or Satan, depending on whose side you took. The mere idea of children running around foaming at the mouth like his insane Father gave me pause. Were I Satan, and occasionally I genuinely wondered about that comparison, I would fear the right Reverend Cullen because he would indubitably try to seize control of hell led by a mob of easily swayed burly demons. And I could not possibly understand why Genevieve wanted Emmett's to see his family. I knew he remembered them still so she wasn't offering him memories he lacked. And I could not wrap my advanced mind around how these visions related to the red-eyed people or the safety of my dear little one. Genevieve made discombobulating me into a competitive sport. One she clearly excelled in on an Olympic level, I mused, as I wondered if spirits could play chess with vampires.

From the bed my singer said in a snarky tone, "Dream Edward?"

"Yes Genevieve?"

"My name is Bella, silly, not Genevieve. You should think it more often."

Gracious, I thought, she's delirious again. I felt her face to see if she had a fever. Her temperature was normal and she rubbed her cheek against my hand smiling in her sleep.

"Dream Edward, Grandma wants me to tell you something. She made me memorize it so I get it right." My singer sounded like a small child with a new present she desperately couldn't wait for her parent to unwrap as she came home from the first day of school.

"Well by all means, please convey your message. We can't have your wonderful gracious Grandmother kept waiting." I oozed charm.

"Eight moves ahead of you, m'dear boy." My family started laughing from all around the house as they listened. It took all my effort not to roll my eyes in disgust.

"Please convey to your genius Grandmother that I hope to be able to catch up soon."

"Stupid."

"I know. I know. Rest now my dearest heart." I crooned to my singer as she fell back into Morpheus' greedy arms snuggling against my shirt that she clutched in her hands and pressed to her cheek. Shaking my head at her, I departed.

Father passed me on my way down, and mentally, I congratulated myself for my quick clothing change. He greeted me, tilted his head to one side and remarked, "Son, from the color of your eyes I believe you should hunt immediately in the first group. Emmett," he called out to my conveniently in the house sibling, "Take Jasper and accompany your brother, please? We'll have to discuss the visions in more detail later."

Now I required vampire nannies to feed? Reading his thoughts I sensed his concern for my emotional state after last night and this morning. Forcing contentment to emanate from me while blocking Jasper, mentally I dourly predicted, I was never going to live my emotional collapse down in this family. Mary Alice called out that we should go and she would catch up with us later. Rosalie insisted at vampire pitch she would stay with my singer. With little effort, my features remained composed. For all they knew, I simply missed my human parents on the anniversary of their deaths. It made perfect sense, although I'd never given an indication of distress in past years, I furrowed my brow. But I had recently regained human memories and emotions, so I could defend my cowering behavior as a byproduct of the Quileute power. Emmett's booming voice resounded through the house. Wincing, I hoped he did not wake her.

"Sure. C'mon HuffWard, let's go catch us some Bambi." Emmett kept his tone jocular.

Jasper still appeared fragile since his ghastly vision yesterday. He mentally wondered why some of the visions were painful when the others seemed poignant. He then started ruminating over his ordeal searching for connections. I did my best to avoid his thoughts, blocking him with an inward shudder and calm face as he kept returning to the memory of his friend's death at his hands.

I found Mother at the dining room table examining the latest budget for her business. "Mother, I dreamt of this last night. I think it belonged to my human Grandmother. Could you please examine it and tell me what you think of the piece?"

"Of course dearest. I'm so glad you are continuing to remember our conversation. You make me proud."

My brothers joined me. We kissed Mother goodbye three in a row and scampered into the forest. I could tell from her thoughts she and Father planned on talking to me when I returned. They were concerned about me. They weren't the only ones. My siblings' thoughts all but shouted at me. Running suddenly felt awkward. I had the power but I felt pain in my muscles - pain that I suddenly realized I must not have experienced since I was human, halting in my tracks. In all my time as an immortal I had never felt such strange cramping feelings in my muscles. Could I be losing my strength?

"Hey Pukeward, need a break?" Emmett chortled and suddenly became concerned, "um, big guy, you don't look so good."

"I can actually feel my muscles like I think I did when I was human, and they hurt. I think I'm going to have to stretch them like humans do prior to sport," I blurted horrified not bothering to hide my feelings.

With blank features Emmett said, "All right, Edward, we'll stretch with you, won't we Jasper," Emmett poked Jasper in the side distracting him from his musings as he stared at me gawping. Both my brothers were understandably confused. Jasper sent a calming wave to me which helped. I crouched on the forest floor and felt my hamstrings protest. The scraps of humanity that fate flung in my path baffled me. Remembering some stretches I had seen while watching a track team in Russia three decades ago, I tried not to groan as my legs reminded me that hours ago we had been half human. Now I had the pleasure of having the human fragility in odd moments with the immortal curse to never cease suffering.

As I lay on the ground stretching my groaning hamstrings under the boughs of a Sitka Spruce, my brothers and I held still when a grey jay landed a few feet away, his beak rooting into the earth for fungus to eat. The grey bird, like us, relied on smell to find its prey. Most animals fled when we came into the area or at least kept a healthy distance. This one sat at my feet acting as if it had not a care in the world. The only explanation I could comprehend was either it was the stupidest bird on the planet or the Quileute powers somehow convinced animals not to fear me. Grumbling in my mind, I had now been sissified by those dratted shamanistic powers. Let's hope I could still scare deer, or that my teeth still worked, I tapped my fingers against them. At the noise the bird did a double-take seeming to spy my brothers for the first time; realized the presence of predators, multiple ones at that, and took flight.

Bless their non-beating hearts, my brothers aped my movements and sat on the forest floor by my side. After fifteen minutes my body seemed to decide that it would permit me to run. As I ran I felt with relief that I could easily use my regular speed. Emmett asked us to stop for a second so he could try to catch a scent. I squatted to the ground continuing to stretch. My hands clawed through the rotten leaves sending them into the air fluttering to the ground in a delicate scarlet shower as I peered at the immense moss coated trunks of the ancient trees that sheltered us. Expanding my senses I listened until my mind's eye showed me a group of deer twenty miles to the north at the very moment Emmett said we should hunt in that direction. Exploding in speed, I arose from the leaves like a vampire phoenix in pursuit of new prey. The sooner I took sustenance the sooner I could be back at her side. We sprinted through the trees running into the familiar haunt of the Olympic National Forest. After a while we found ourselves at Shelter Peak overlooking the Cameron Valley as I listened to the babble of the creek below rushing through the rocks and logs. Four deer later, Emmett stopped me as I left to bury the carcasses from my feast with Mr. Black.

"Edward, Jasper and Alice took care of it last night." I froze in place hearing his thoughts. When last I checked I was the sole possessor of the power to read thoughts. Emmett's perceptiveness caught me off guard.

"Very well, thank you." I had no excuse to stay in the forest now and should return to the house. Both my brothers had fed alongside me. We had hunted in silence. And alas, my teeth indeed did still function. I wouldn't have to see a human dentist anytime soon.

"Edward, you haven't worked out since Bella fell ill. Why don't we go running for a while? It will help control your bloodlust and we'll keep you company. Then you can spend more time at Bella's side and maintain control."

Realizing the practical sense in his thinking, I accepted the offer. I felt the pull of her siren call the entire time yet exercising did bring deliverance from the build up of energy and anguish within. We sprinted through the forest, although I used a pace that they could follow. Emmett's abilities lay in brute strength - he was not fast like me. With my Quileute power running through my system I had to remind myself to slow down and not leave them snorting my dust. Jasper probably ranked as the second fastest in the family, although his wife came in as a close third. I picked one of my usual routes that wound southwest through the park up to the Quinault Queets Divide. Once we reached the upper elevation we stopped at an overlook unreachable by most humans to absorb the scenery unperturbed by the snow crunching against our feet. The summit stood out because of the lack of trees which ringed it like birthday candles on a circular cake. Mount Olympus' snow tipped form glinted towards the Northwest. The area had mountains bejeweled with small blue lakes, draped with coniferous trees awash in a swirl of deep green and blue. Emmett's mind pulled me away from my appreciation of the view.

"Would you mind if we talked about the Quileute power." I could tell by his thoughts he feared offending me.

"If we must." I sighed.

"Buddy, I can't even begin to imagine how distraught I would be if I suddenly woke up thinking and feeling as if I were human. I wouldn't be able to even touch my Rose." He recoiled. "I'm really sorry this whole heartbeat thing has started. You're still a vampire but you have these human things messing with your body. Combined with that vision, that must suck."

Emmett's thought indicated genuine concern for my well being. He remembered much more about his human life than did I. Unlike me, however, he had readily accepted his undead life because of his mate bond with Rosalie. To Emmett not being a vampire meant not being a husband. He left unsaid that he considered my random heartbeats sheer torture. In Emmett's case the fear would be that the heart would never stop beating and he would remain human forever more praying for his heart to stop and his immortality to be restored.

My terror, in contrast, was that my heart would cease beating forever more in spite of my prayers to the contrary. He thought my tears stemmed from fearing I'd lose my immortality and might not be able to be re-turned again because of the wolf powers. They had, after all, blocked him from even coming into the room earlier when Jasper, Mary Alice and I had experienced that harrowing vision. I must have done a tremendous job of acting because Jasper thought my tears stemmed from if I became human I'd lose the pleasure of my singer and the ability to be around the family. Jasper was quite perceptive. That definitely would be something to cry about, I pondered, but I would give up her scent if I obtained humanity and a soul instead, and I could communicate with my family through the phone and internet and mail system if need be. My singer and I could still play chess. And who knows, my human senses might still be able to smell her.

"I hope to never experience anything of that nature again. It was truly one of the most ghastly things I have ever felt." So they thought I cried because I hated becoming human? Carlisle clearly hadn't shared the tale of my newborn years. My Father really was a saint.

Jasper raised his voice, "Edward I remember everything from that vision but I have never been frozen in place before. Something in that room literally stopped me in my tracks and forced me to the ground. It was like a giant hand smacked me to the floor when you looked at me. Bright green flames were in your eyes and the rage coming from you - it was almost as bad as the vision itself. I have never heard of someone dead having that kind of physical power over the living. Bella's Grandmother indeed captured my undivided attention."

I stared in fascination at a clump of snow, "I'm afraid that I probably did that."

"How?" I affected not being offended at the disbelief in his voice.

"In the dream I had while asleep Hezekiah told me that I sensed blood lust for my singer. I didn't realize at the time it was Mary Alice feeling it instead of you and that I used the Quileute powers to protect my singer from the rest of the family. He said I instinctively overreacted."

"That was impressive." Again, I tried not to behave perturbed at his genuine shock that I flattened him like an insect. Upon reflection it wasn't particularly difficult. I could do it again without breaking a sweat. Not that I sweated. Yet. Hezekiah was probably saving that little gift for next week to torment me more. He and Genevieve were the emotional tag team from hell. They made Satan seem like a rank amateur.

As the silence lengthened I belatedly realized my brothers were awaiting a reply from me by their stares. I jumped emerging from my thoughts and said, "I apologize. I knew not what I did."

"There's nothing to be sorry for Edward, at that moment I felt how my wife wanted to tear Bella's throat out and drink her dry. You had every reason to want to stop me and her. Most important of all is that you protected her from us, while experiencing raging blood lust in that kind of proximity to your singer. And her heart still beats and she is mortal still. Edward that kind of control is singularly the most impressive I have ever seen...." He breathed in astonishment. I could tell he felt both envy and awe. The awe part soothed my battered masculine pride. A bit. Then I thought back to that particularly hellish moment he recalled and frowned as the memories rushed into my mind.

"It did not stop me from wanting to drink from her...the powers." I said ashamed staring at the ground.

"No. That is why I'm admiring you. We both know how difficult fighting blood lust is. You surround yourself with one designed by Nature to tempt you the most as often as you can. Yesterday you managed to avoid succumbing to her lure while feeling even more bloodlust than you've ever experienced in tandem with undergoing emotional torture. It's simply unbelievable, little brother." Emmett's surprised thoughts pulled me away from the sincere compliment Jasper paid me. I might possibly have stood up a bit more straight and my chest to an unobservant mortal's eye could have appeared to puff with pride.

"So that's why you glowed green and we couldn't touch you or her? That freaky looking green light even blocked the doorway. I pounded against it and even three of us hitting it couldn't get it to move." Emmett scratched his curly hair. "Way to go being overprotective baby brother." I realized with an inward sigh that despite the fact that I chronologically was older, by staying silent all these years I had allowed them to cast me as the baby brother. It fit with my current masculine identity crises. Jasper's next words interrupted my sulking.

"Edward, I'm sorry that my gift made yesterday so awful for you. And I would never intentionally inflict pain like that on Bella." Aside from that whole planning her death business his apology did come across as sincere. I hated to do so, but since I couldn't read her mind I had to ensure her emotional health.

That meant asking my brother a delicate question, "Jasper her Grandmother deliberately created that scene yesterday which frankly I find appalling because she risked my singer's life seven times over. I was afraid that vampire emotions rushing through my singer," I paused maintaining a composed expression, "I know that you could not help yourself during the vision - none of us could," - well I could as I controlled my bloodlust but I didn't want to point that out. It would be rude. "Is she well emotionally after this?"

"I do not think beyond whatever nightmares she had that she felt any ill effects from last night. I did not sense a rise in emotional pain from her body which is surprising. I'm wondering if your power blocked it and protected her. Once she woke yesterday, I sensed compassion from her and concern since we had told her you were an epileptic." I stiffened and he noticed my discomfort changed focus, "And this morning again, all I felt from her was compassion. I have to be honest that of all the humans I've met she is one of the most difficult to read. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm guessing and that's never happened with anyone." Jasper hated the sensation of not having his gift work on someone like it should. Welcome to my world little brother, I sarcastically thought.

"What do you mean?" I had thought he could read her just fine all along, and now he was saying he was guessing? That couldn't be good.

"She is very practiced at clamping down on her emotions and hiding them in her mind. Since I cannot access her brain like I can other humans, it makes reading her challenging. With Bella I know her emotions are there, but it's hard to find one that is stronger than the other unless the situation is extreme."

"I'm still not following you. Doesn't her brain work correctly aside from her disability?"

"It takes a lot for her to allow herself to "feel" something actively in her brain. I've never seen anything like it. So I have to read her another way and that is only reliable for strong emotions. I have to go by the physiological reactions in her body. And those are sometimes the same for similar emotions so I cannot be precise. What strikes me as odd is that I can calm her like everyone else." Jasper talked about her like she was his science project for crying out loud. That wasn't normal.

"So are you saying she doesn't have feelings at all?" That would prove awkward.

"No, Edward, what I'm saying is that she mentally processes them in a different way from most humans I've encountered and has an impressive amount of control over them to the point where she might feel them in her brain but she doesn't let them escape into her body like the average individual. Since her mind is blocked from me too I have to work harder with her."

"I'm following you, but she sucks at lying, so shouldn't she be easy to spot by her facial features in terms of her emotions?" Emmett as usual pointed out something both practical and profound.

"I don't know if this is from her brain injury or if she simply has a unique mind. It almost seems like she doesn't want to allow herself to feel anything - and losing control means the emotions emerge. She was entirely different at the hospital when she was sick. She was terrified you would leave her and comforted by your presence and I could read her quite easily when her fever raged. The contrast really amazed me."

"And now?" I couldn't help but blurt.

"She's back to her normal routine, difficult to read. Are you worried about her feelings for you?" He appeared almost but not quite amused although his thoughts were laughing at me the scoundrel.

"Well, ahem. Yes." I shifted from foot to foot nervously. Damn him.

"Last night did not change how she sees you Edward. I don't think she understands how she feels about you. She's had so much emotionally in her life occupying her mind in regards to her family." I waited for the 'give her space' lecture to start any second now but my brother surprised me.

"I do know she feels pleasure and comfort being in your presence. For someone as shy as she and you are I'd say that's significant progress. I also can sense that she finds you fascinating. Don't rush her, and I think she'll come around." I expelled air I hadn't realized I held in my lungs. I could deal with 'fascinating' I preened inside. Jacob Black didn't have a prayer. Newton, too.

Emmett blundered into the next topic with his usual lack of tact, "I have a question; well we both have a question for you." I braced for impact. "Why are you sleeping in the same bed with her at night? Our parents don't like it but haven't stopped you. The girls are worried about Bella. Heck, we are too. We don't want to see her physically hurt on accident. She seems very innocent and your actions don't strike us as normal even for you." My brothers were creeping into territory that was none of their business and I maintained a calm expression blocking Jasper as my territoriality surged.

"She suffers from nightmares as you might recall from the hospital, Jasper," my brother nodded recalling several examples. "Now I have the power, I believe, to comfort her but it is dependent on me touching her." That was much better than saying, "I can't keep my damn hands off of her because I'm addicted to stroking her hair since it would be improper to stroke anything else."

"That's what you were trying to do when you fell asleep I do remember that. You kissed her."

"I what? Oh, by Saint Peter's rod, where?" I stammered scandalized. Oh the world was most definitely not overrun with justice if I could not remember this; I kicked in frustration at the ground. My brothers felt comforted at my reaction. I had not transformed into a deviant overnight.

"You mean you don't remember?" Jasper seemed curious and amused.

"That part of the episode is rather hazy." I confessed still panicked. Had I kissed her on the lips? Or even better---I mean worse ---somewhere highly inappropriate? Her Grandmother was really going to kill me now. I was definitely going to have to contemplate kissing her again when I returned so I could at least remember what I was going to be dismembered for doing.

My brothers snickered as I put my face in both hands. Good Lord, had I shamed her in front of them? Jasper's thoughts indicated he felt comforted upon feeling that sentiment emerge from me. I did not bother to block my emotions from Jasper who sensed my panic and shame.

He clapped me on my back hard enough to break ribs had I been mortal and assured me, "Relax Edward, had you done anything that caused Mother and Father concern we would be dragging you out of her bed every night. You simply took her into your arms and kissed her forehead very gently." He showed me the image in his mind.

Oh my gracious. The memory came rushing back as I covered my face with my mortified fingers. I reminisced that her skin had felt so soft and warm and I could not believe I kissed her forehead with my family present. It felt wrong, definitely wrong to behave so intimately in front of an audience of my own family. How did I a vampire with a perfect mind forget something like that? The silence stretched out. My brothers decided to wait for me to speak. The silence grew oppressive. Finally I cracked. Jasper, damn him did know how to torture information out of you. He'd had decades of practice after all. So I'd definitely have to be on my best behavior when lying to him.

"I've tried to comfort her from across the room a time or two with the new powers and it did not seem to impact her based on her scent. They only seem to work when I touch her - at least work properly."

"We know you're not having sex with her. Relax, even our parents are sure of that. So when you touch her what are you doing?"

I felt defensive and embarrassed. Sooner or later, I'd have to say something because I could hear the girls planning on grilling my singer as soon as they latched their grasping claws on her. I was a gentleman. Sort of. And I would not have her shamed. I also knew from personal experience she'd keep her mouth shut no matter how much she was grilled and I wanted to protect her reputation. I couldn't have them knowing that she pulled me by the hand into bed every night. Sighing I said, "Aside from the fact that I am behaving as a gentleman should and trying to protect her from her nightmares and the red-eyed people I will not discuss this matter further with you." I had never stood up to them like this, and particularly in a calm manner thinking of that argument weeks ago over Jasper and Rosalie planning on killing her. I'd been enraged then but now I sat there slightly embarrassed but determined to shield her from my family's scrutiny.

They didn't need to know exactly where my head or body had been most of the time when I held her in my arms since I sincerely had pure thoughts at the time. And I could not account for my behavior while experiencing human sleep an experience that I doubted they would understand. And I surmised my singer would confess. She had tight lips with secrets that one.

My brothers surprised me with their thoughts. Every night when I fell asleep my siblings left to give me privacy.

"You've been out of the house all this time?"

"Edward having your heart start and stop like that the other day - it was all I could do to come within range of you to help calm your mind. You were so broken and the emotions I smelled from your blood were exactly like a human's. Not to mention, and this is awkward, but you're producing blood off and on now and it's changed your scent." Discomfort radiated from Jasper.

"I what? Are you saying I stink now like the wolves?" my voice sounded horrified. It might cause her distress, on top of my family.

"No, we would have let you in on that little fact with a discreet bout of vomiting or two. Yeesh. You have just started to smell kind of tasty lately if you know what I mean." Emmett assured me laughing pounding my back. How marvelous! Now I had to worry not only about my family eating my singer but them lusting after my blood as well.

Jasper continued, "You felt fear and grief and shame and anger. And it was, like every other intense episode one that reflected you exercising unbelievable power." Acting flustered, I blocked Jasper. It made me reconsider my ability to prevent him from reading my emotions. I had somehow managed in the process to be able to control the chemicals in my blood to fool him as well. Had I not, I most certainly would have known. My mind chilled at the idea of inability to control my emotions lately. I would have to see if my Quileute powers could help further mask the smell of my blood. I couldn't give myself away now. Then again, even if they couldn't I could always argue that the powers put confused emotions in me not ones that I willingly entertained. They already believed that. I would be safe.

Now that the needs of my human and my humiliation over the very same aforementioned needs had been accomplished; I shifted the topic back to my other main worry.

"These blasted visions are driving me insane. I still don't understand why Alice received the vision without touching her and the rest of the family didn't yesterday. And today all of us received the visions and I was the only one touching her. And I have no earthly idea what today's set of images were meant to signify. I don't know which was more confusing; Carlisle and his father ranting, or seeing that Mary Alice had almost an identical medallion as my human." The caprice of Genevieve O'Shea Swan drove me to want to drink alcohol although that would be revolting yet the sentiment remained. Clearly all the women in her line lacked notions of self-preservation. It was a good thing she was already dead and out of my reach. Not that I would have harmed her. But still. The very idea of her sending me a vision that endangered the life of her beloved Granddaughter bewildered me. Down to my bone marrow I remembered the utter sense of despair I had felt crouched over my singer's delectable body desperately clinging with white knuckled fingers to the tatters of my control. How was she protecting her if she killed her in the process? My brother distracted me from my mental rant at my singer's sneaky and, I might add, mentally maladjusted ancestors.

Jasper nodded, "In the time we've been together my wife has not had that piece. We haven't talked about it yet but seeing it during the vision only caused confusion to come from her. She does not remember it at all. It seemed like Benedict left it in the room as he carried her out of the building."

Emmett said, "I can remember my human family but their faces had started to blur a bit so it was wonderful to see them again." He sounded positively sentimental. "And Rosalie is still shocked at how much Bella resembles Vera." Switching the subject he turned to me and said, "What did it feel like?" Emmett asked. I knew to what he referred. Now I had to be careful.

"To what are you referring?" I queried cautiously.

"I meant to cry human tears." My shoulders stiffened. As usual, I spoke too soon on the humiliation factor. I could sense from their thoughts, however, that they genuinely meant no harm.

Jasper interjected, "I'm sorry Edward we don't mean to embarrass you. Sooner or later you had to crack and I could smell the salt. It was good that you had someone to hold you when you did. Someone who accepted you." If only that were true. My human held the Pretend me, the Fake Boyfriend, not the monstrous vampire that lusted after her body and her blood.

He could tell by the curl of my lip the tenor of my mind, "I don't think you've paid much attention to emotions over these past years, brother dear, and how men express them." Great now he was going to grab my hand and sing kum-bye-yah. I just knew it. He had been entirely too mellow during the 60's.

"What mean you?" I had an impeccable memory, I sniffed.

"I can think of several occasions when we have broken down and cried. And no one has thought any less of us."

"That involved sporting events, or betting."

"You know that's wrong, stop dodging the issue. You've seen both of us crying before. You've even seen Carlisle cry before. And I've seen enough human men weep over the years to know that it does happen in them too - weeping that is. It's not restricted as a female only activity." Emmett quietly said. "You're clearly beating yourself up over it, and you should stop. It's not healthy."

I thought back to those traumatic events as the memories of my brothers' most recent encounters with "slipping," our family's euphemism for murder, played through their penitent minds as well as their tears in the aftermath. None of the victims had gone gently into that good night considering both men had been too overwhelmed with blood lust to exercise restraint. I heard Jasper's tenor distract me from their haunting thoughts.

"Men in this day and age do cry, and it is treated differently than it was in our time. In truth my generation was more constrained about emotions than yours. You waste needless effort chastising yourself for simply behaving like a man in need of comfort from his woman." Jasper added.

"She barely knows me. I'm fearful I made a bad impression. I am after all trying to court her." I complained. That was true. She had no idea of my true nature. I couldn't imagine myself sitting down with her and saying, 'You smell so extraordinary I want to snatch you into my arms, puncture your neck and drain you dry like the last orange on a scurvy-plagued ship in the middle of the ocean. Would you care to date Friday night? Oh, and one little thing, I'm immortal, too. And occasionally feel human emotions that make me sob like a small child.'

We were joined by Mary Alice whose approach I had sensed. She had been blocking her thoughts the entire way here.

"Now she knows you more, Edward. And I don't see her running screaming from the house in any vision. Don't push her away." She held Jasper's hands gazing lovingly into his eyes. It never ceased to astound me the connection my family had with their mates.

Humbled I said, "Thank you, Mary Alice, Jasper, Emmett." She judged by my tone that I preferred to change the subject. "That vision of yours was quite surprising. Has it jogged your memory?" I was curious about the necklace.

"No." she huffed air in annoyance, "And we are going to have to do an Internet search for that pendent to see if we can learn anything about it." She turned to her mate, "Would you mind if we snapped a photo of it when she's in the shower?"

Although I loved my family and would make almost any sacrifice for them, I balked at the idea of them taking photographs of my singer naked while showering. Mary Alice slapped her knee and howled with laughter at my sneer.

"Oh mercy Edward, I meant pictures of the necklace, not Bella wearing it, in the shower. We'd need to borrow Jasper's new camera." She sent me mental images of Rosalie snapping a picture of the necklace, while the camera sat on the bathroom counter, at vampire speed.

I stared at the ground humiliated, "I'm so sorry Mary Alice. I've been out of sorts today."

"Your apology is accepted, Edward, and I needed that laugh so thanks for misunderstanding me." She fanned herself almost like she felt hot. I realized she was mimicking gestures from her childhood. Sobering she said, "I need to find out how my brother died. I know who killed him. I need to make sure he was buried. I'd like to do that today if you don't mind," she turned to her husband who took her hand in his squeezed it and smiled, "I'd be delighted." He looked at her eyes full of love. Kicking up a bit of snow in my direction she took off at a blindingly fast speed calling over her shoulder, "Last one home has to eat lunch with Bella back at school."

Emmett wailed, "But I already have to eat lunch. That's not fair."

Alice called out, "True, but you are the slowest of everyone. I wanted to motivate Jasper to run a little faster."

We all raced back to the house and of course a grumbling Emmett arrived last. After all, I was missing out on quality singer pressed against my flesh time I considered as I was the first to reach the house followed by Alice. And missing out on quality singer pressed against my flesh time? Now that was really something to cry about.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Bella's Grandmother Genevieve has been sending them messages that they do not understand, so she sends more in this chapter cause she's nice that way. Ones involving Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle's Father ranting about demons in the area and Carlisle's plan to take people to hunt to show them demons don't exist, Mary Alice who had a medallion much like Bella's being turned by a vegetarian vampire named Benedict. The Predator has been named! Jasper explains to Edward how unique Bella's mind is and why that makes it difficult for Jasper's gift to work on her. Jasper, Emmett, and Edward have a discussion about crying and being a man. We have a bit of practical jokes and naughtiness up ahead.**

**Reviews as ever are much appreciated. Starched Shirt Edward is blinking at you.**

**Books**


	23. HOD pt 12 Bless me Father

**Author's Note: Edward attempted to come to grips with his emotional behavior in front of Bella. Genevieve appeared to become a wee bit more, ahem, strident in tone. The family was all struck by visions involving Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Carlisle. Edward went on a run with his brothers and discovered he has new "human" symptoms. Jasper and Emmett also discussed showing emotion and tried to offer support to Edward. **

**Thanks to vjgm my validating beta**

**Many many thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter regardless of the number of times I changed it. :)**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward, Sister Claire, Paula Black, The O'Sheas, Jugurtha, and Hezekiah are mine. So There**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Twelve - Bless Me Father for I am Most Definitely Going to Sin**

Unsurprisingly, I beat my siblings to the house. Now my screaming muscles sparked fears in me I decided best left ignored. Blazing up the staircase, I rushed into my room, knowing she slept. This startled Rosalie, who sat upright on the bed with her back to the headboard, reading a book on electrical engineering. She had dreamily envisioned new inventions to help us "pass" as humans while keeping track of my singer's respiration and heart rate as she slept soundly. For a moment there, I almost felt sentimental when I gathered that the strong desire to aid me in my "scent"-ance with my singer motivated her current deliberation.

Quietly opening the closet, I grabbed a fresh set of clothes and sped to the bathroom. The medical doctor in me said hot water would probably help the muscle pain since medication would not work. Despite my groaning muscles, I sank to the floor in the large bathroom and stretched once again, grimacing in pain. It didn't seem proper to do this in front of Rosalie.

"Edward what the heck are you doing in there?" Rosalie whispered at vampire pitch sniffing. Apparently the lactic acid in my muscles did not escape her notice.

"I'm stretching my leg muscles. They hurt."

"Vampires don't have muscular pain."

I did not reply as the significance of my words struck. Her thoughts indicated pity for me, which made me cringe.

"When did this start?" The physician in her took control.

"Today."

"You really should have Father examine you," she recommended.

"You're right," I answered.

While I showered and changed my grouchy sister grumbled about impropriety and the need for Xanax and Motrin formulated to work on vampires. After carefully leaving the bed ensuring she didn't wake my human, she vampire-stomped from the room. Despite all the bluster, I could tell her thoughts were concerned. At this point, I could use all the help I could get, although I wouldn't be admitting all the symptoms. There were some things family members simply did not need to know. Shattered glass and earthquake-sparking orgasms ranked near the top of my list, preceded only by mass murder. I leaned my head against the shower thinking of the accumulating secrets in my life and how complicated they had become now that Mary Alice knew some of them. Benjamin Franklin once said, "Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead." He didn't count on the undead, however, and fools like me. For the first time in my life I appreciated I would have to follow Sister Claire's advice and dare to hope.

As horrible as yesterday and this morning had been, adding mockery from my siblings, for some odd reason, became a threshold I feared would break the camel's back. I had invested decades behaving in a refined manner despite being the butt of occasional good-natured jokes or wrestling matches that I deliberately lost. I realized with my Fake Romance that I had altered some of that behavior but thought I could still maintain the role. Yet if I didn't speak to my singer, unfortunately, she would not remain around me. And although I much preferred her asleep so I could think in peace; she had proved entertaining lately with her wit when her own conscience guided her words.

And as much as I loathed admitting it, Rosalie raised a pertinent thought - about the propriety issues rather than the medication that I did not require. Like my sister, I sat on top of the covers to the right of my singer resting my back against the headboard. Unlike my sister, I smirked; my singer instinctively scooted two feet and four inches across the bed and cuddled her back against me knowing I was "safe." I stayed outside of the covers not wanting to tempt fate again; but could not resist stroking her hair when she mumbled my name. Her temperature did not alter by a single degree I observed beneficently; so this was not harming her. Or me. Time took on new meaning in quality singer land. My worries seemed trivial now as the pain in my body faded and my spirit soared. Two blissful hours later she began to rouse, luring me from my "scent"-sational appreciation of her charms.

When my singer's heartbeat accelerated Mother carried a wooden tray adorned with stinking piles of human food she placed on the bedside table. Admittedly, the concoction made from flour did not reek as badly as Hezekiah. The cloyingly strong scent of the maple syrup clashed with her fragrance and irritated my nose. Curiously, the baked apples Mother included on her plate, however, those actually smelled delicious, I thought with alarm. I could taste the cinnamon and sugar mixed with the fruit and it made venom flow in my mouth. How peculiar. I knew my singer would most likely awaken within five minutes. Father also came into the room and at vampire pitch said, "We need to talk, son."

They timed their parental attack brilliantly so that it happened right before she woke up, and guaranteed a captive audience. Both knew I'd want to encourage her to eat and take her medication. Genevieve could take lessons from them; I pondered squirming in discomfort, as Mother stared meaningfully at my hand chastely caressing my singer's thick hair. I stilled the aforementioned limb and moved my abashed arms to rest clasped together steepling my fingers like Starched Shirt Edward at prayer. She had, I piously refrained from pointed out, been the one to move all the way across the bed to cuddle against my side. I had simply been reading a book minding my own business. When Mother continued to stare, I responded by disconcertedly moving a bit farther away from my human's form. Behaving in such a manner represented a true sacrifice on my part. Indeed, my empty hands felt like they had been torn from brushing against the Holy Grail. My lips didn't twitch when my human, before my parents' astonished eyes, rectified the manner and curled against me once more. Even in her sleep she knew she was mine. Dream Edward, indeed.

I listened in relief as my siblings made quite a production of noisily leaving the house and exiting hearing range. Hadn't I been humiliated enough in the past 24 hours? Oh, I should not have thought those words as it meant I'd be in for a double-dose thanks to Fate's generous hand and perpetual bullseye I couldn't shake from my back. I squared my shoulders waiting for the parental onslaught of guilt and shame. "What would you like to discuss?"

That sounded good. Confident. Adult. Never mind that my voice quavered like an adolescent and cracked on the last word. It must be the blasted wolf powers. For a moment, I tried to pretend I did not lay in bed beside a young human girl entrusted into my family's custody. I preferred instead to imagine in my mind my Parents and me around the dining room table. This visualization aided and I calmed. Anything life threw at me, I could handle. I was the cat's meow.

"We'd like to discuss your physical boundaries with Bella." I was the mouse in the cat's paw, wriggling in vain before the final pounce.

"Oh." The parade of indignities, I see, had only just begun. Despite my age that surpassed the century mark, they decided I required a lecture concerning fornication. The fact that never in all my undead life had I offered them a reason to suspect me of that _particular_ sin was apparently irrelevant. Marvelous. Albeit, the fact that in a tiny part of my mind I had contemplated that very same aforementioned act was, of course, beside the point. It was the principle of the thing that galled me. Reading their thoughts caused me discomfort. They had not jumped to the conclusion about my tendency to fornicate with unmarried virginal humans. Instead they merely wanted to suggest restraint in physically touching her. Oh, dear lord.

"Edward, I've seen you calming her with your touch from her bad dreams and I think that it is a wonderful act of compassion on your part, particularly since being in such close proximity to her requires energy and control on your part." So far this didn't sound too bad and Father's thoughts seemed mild.

"We are concerned that you are moving at vampire speed with a human girl, though. It would be normal for vampires that feel such strong emotions to want to touch each other. She's not a vampire. That means you need to exercise care around her. And she is also still very confused," Mother cautioned.

"I know," I said quietly as all their points were true. I had thrown the idea of a long courtship aside and pondered marrying her. Upon reflection, perhaps I moved a bit too quickly. I might slow things down and postpone our wedding a week or two. She needed time to adjust, after all. Once again, I represented a vampire Prince Charming. I'd have to ask Alice about looking into how we could have a discreet ceremony and if pushing back the date would be problematic. Speaking of matrimonial matters, I realized I'd have to select a dress for my singer to wear. Once again, this shopping fascinated me. I couldn't wait to see her in the gown of my choice. Father cleared his throat pulling me from my reverie of my future bride in white.

"With these Quileute powers that you now have we know how concerned about her safety you must feel. We wanted to assure you that when you fall asleep we both have remained in this room guarding you to ensure you both remain safe." The idea of my Parents standing watch over me while I slept with her in my arms was; I must admit, a bit peculiar, perhaps I'd go so far as to say, creepy. But I did appreciate their concern for my singer's safety. And with mounting dread I hoped that I had behaved like a gentlemen while asleep; because blast it, had I not, this simply wasn't fair. I'd want to remember, after all, so I could wallow in my hypothetical depravity. And play the memory back over and over again to chastise myself for my inappropriate behavior and learn from my mistakes. If I made them. Drat.

"Please tell me I behaved like a gentleman while asleep?" I whispered desperately at vampire pitch.

Starched Shirt Edward zipped from the library attentive like a rabbit, nose twitching. "We are not able to monitor our activities while we are asleep and hope we have behaved as a gentleman should."

"Had you not you would most definitely have been informed in detail, son," Father smiled. "You have held her against you. When she had a nightmare your arms would touch her hair or shoulder and you glowed green and she calmed. It's quite remarkable. I don't know if you realize this, but as time passes your powers emit their own scent."

"They what?" I sniffed at myself and aside from that whole human blood scent that clung to me did not smell anything else unusual.

Starched Shirt Edward leaned towards me and sniffed. He said, "I'm glad to see you are retraining your deviant nature with her while you slumber. And those heathen wolf powers do indeed smell." Carlisle's voice called me from glaring at my mental tormentor.

"I can smell the sap from a fir tree when you use the power. It's very faint but it's there," Father said. Mother nodded in agreement.

"I had no idea. My word." At this point with these powers I would not be surprised if I suddenly sprouted limbs and turned green in truth.

Mother decided to steer the conversation back on course and continued, "We promised her parents that we would take care of her. Over the next few days that she's here we need you to promise to be on your most gentlemanly behavior and exercise restraint and care when touching her."

"Of course. You have my word." I found it rather amusing that they were lecturing me on "appropriate gentlemanly behavior" while I lay in bed next to my singer. Starched Shirt Edward sniped, "Our vampire parents are, as ever, correct." Turning with that pronouncement he wandered over to Jugurtha's cave rapped against the rock respectfully, entered it, and left without a word, thank God.

Father added, "This must be so confusing with these powers affecting you. And you know if you have any questions you can always talk to either one of us. We genuinely like Bella and are delighted to see you spend time with her. I do think that you and I need to spend some time studying the powers to see how they are affecting your system. I'd like to conduct some tests later today."

With everything in chaos lately, I had not had time to conduct the tests myself, and I agreed that perhaps Carlisle and I could work together to understand those powers that I would tell him I possessed. He did not need to know about my ability to move the earth or shatter glassware.

I nodded my agreement at him, saying, "The apples smell good Father." A bemused expression crossed his features.

He patted my foot after standing from the chair and said, "You smelled apples in your first vision of Chicago remember? We'll figure this out together son." He smiled and walked to the door. Mother kissed my forehead and murmured she loved me before exiting the room. My parents pointedly left the door open. Once he reached the living room, Father suggested, "Edward perhaps you should awaken Bella. She requires food and medication."

I could tell they had intended on saying more to me but had decided to prematurely end the conversation as my behavior convinced them of my rationality. This acting business sometimes was childishly simple; although I hated having to deceive my Parents, not so much my human, because if she knew me for who and what, in fact, I was she'd run screaming into the woods never to return. And then I really would have to snatch her and drag her back to my lair. Things were easier this way.

Speaking of my singer, regretfully, I had to interrupt the serenade of silence to ensure she ate her rapidly cooling still reeking pancakes. Mother mentally warned me that the light yellow discs would become soggy if she did not eat them in time and we couldn't have anything interfering with her appetite, no matter how revolting her dietary habits. Although tempted, I must confess it proved difficult to refrain from taking a bite of the baked apples. She sighed and moved, distracting me from my appetite. Mentally I girded myself for our next conversation, pondering my strategy.

I hated talking, I repined. It made me feel out of control unless I had scripted and rehearsed what to say beforehand. Speaking required considerable effort with my own family, but with my singer? It felt agonizing, despite all the thought I put into rehearsing what I would say in a particular situation, or contingency plans I created. And I always went off script with her. Sometimes I even found myself forgetting my practiced lines entirely; which sincerely worried me as eye contact with her proved challenging for me to stay in character. Sometime I felt this awkward tightening in my chest if our eyes met, so I would stare at the floor instead or at a point slightly to the left of her shoulder until the sensation went away. And if I accidentally touched her, that was even worse. Those human powers; I hoped they were not damaging my ability to remember. I'd have to discuss this with Father in our research meeting. It didn't seem normal to forget speech when simply conversing with a human and meeting her eyes; even if they were expressive or fringed with long lashes that rested on a lovely face.

"Would you care to dine?" I nudged her shoulder with an index finger carefully to wake her. My voice came out wrong and broke midway through. I heard Emmett as he walked toward the house mentally wonder if I was experiencing some equivalent of puberty all over again thanks to those freaky wolf powers. My stomach dropped at the notion.

The newly returned Jasper scoffed, "Edward, you need to develop a sense of romance. Prodding a young lady awake with those words and that vocal tone is no way to convey affection."

Jugurtha the Predator made an inappropriate comment that I was using the wrong appendage to poke her with and an outraged Starched Shirt Edward literally threw a heavy volume of Aristotle's works at his head, making contact. I left them squabbling to return to my problem suggesting to Jugurtha that he needed to join Starched Shirt Edward at the prayer bench for having that unseemly thought.

Snarling, my inability to act appropriately around her galled me. Jugurtha apologized, "I merely teased but I know my words were wrong. Perhaps she would be easier to awaken if we sat on the side of the bed and gently touched her shoulder again."

As usual, he gave good advice. "You might frighten her crouched over her like she's prey with your face that close to her own."

Again, that too, was excellent counsel as my visage hovered an inch from hers. Moving away from her I sat at an appropriate distance as determined by Jugurtha's helpful calls of "Keep moving, keep moving, further back, further back. Perfect!" followed by, "cease and desist!" to the whining Nancy-boy Starched Shirt Edward who wanted us to order a nun for a chaperone and preferred me standing at the doorway shouting at our dear little one instead with my back turned to preserve her modesty, "Why not simply shut your bedroom door and knock on it? That would suffice."

Mildly, I reminded him, "Our dear little sleeps soundly and requires a gentle form of awakening her that would not startle her any more than her nightmares. I suggest you venture to the library to see if you could find records of any nuns that were turned into vampires in the past few centuries." He stood up in shock and bounded for the stacks, an excited expression on his face. 'That should keep him busy for weeks,' I thought as Jugurtha smirked at me. Again I attempted to awaken my singer.

"Bella, you need to take repast." With excessive care my fingers surrounded her upper arm, loving the feel of the fabric of her gown and the warmth of her scent and shook her.

Rosalie grumbled from the garage, "Edward, Bella will need a dictionary to understand you now. Turn on the light in the room that should help," as she lovingly tinkered with tools on my car's engine.

I quickly reached for the lamp and switched it on, brightening the room considerably and said, "It's time for your lunch, Bella." At the sound of her name my singer's lashes rose. She blinked at me with a confused expression for a moment glancing around the room. Dropping her arm like a hot coal, my hand snapped back to my side like a mirage in the desert.

"You did it again you scoundrel," she groused rubbing her fingers against her eyes and yawning.

Wearing a virtuous countenance; hand to unfortunately my unbeating heart, I appeared the very image of her words while aping innocence. "I, a scoundrel, forsooth surely you jest? What devious depraved deeds have I now committed dear lady?" I forgot to add, "that you know of and can prove," but something told me that she understood that unspoken jest, regardless.

"Making me fall asleep and have no idea what happened. _Twice_ in 24 hours." My human looked adorable with her tresses scattered about the pillow capturing the light shining in waves of amber and gold as she playfully smacked my arm.

"So you respond by physically assaulting me? How is that fair?" Emmett called me a "wimp" and told me to "take it like a man." His wife responded by swatting him with a fashion magazine she found on the garage floor, "Ouch baby, you know I was just teasing Eddie." He rubbed at his arm, feigning puppy dog eyes.

"Give _Edward_ some space," Rosalie chided, thinking to herself that she knew I hated that nickname.

"But you just ----" he started to complain

"Was trying to help _Edward _speak in a clearer manner to Bella," she interrupted, "you are teasing him and it is not helpful since he's nervous enough." Goodness Rosalie acted increasingly more curious in her behavior with each day, I vowed. My singer smacked me again playfully distracting me from my sibling's banter.

"Ugh. You know what I mean, Edward."

With a mischievous grin, I ruffled her hair and leaned forward hands on either side of her making sure to breathe on her a time or two and said in a self-satisfied voice, "Fault me not if you faint in my presence. Twice."

She squeaked, blushed, and lashed out at my upper arms. She missed, of course, when I easily dodged. Giggling she said, "News flash: the world does not revolve around you Edward Cullen." I considered her pretty no matter what she did, but when she smiled like that it truly enchanted me. My family broke out in fits of laughter across the house. "And I hate to break it to you, I faint often. And the last two times you were nowhere near." She continued.

Well, actually she did have a point. Both occasions happened when I was hunting far away. I had, much to my consternation, found out about them after the fact. Fortunately, Angela Webber had caught her both times. Of course, now that I had been smacked in the face with a pillow by a puny pulchritudinous perspicacious ego-slayer, I had to find a way to earn my pride back.

Perhaps I might have leaned closer to her than was proper while exhaling on her a time or two - I would know nothing of such behavior. I would, however, know all about my witty remark that spouted from my mouth and zinged her, "To quote the great Benjamin Franklin, 'Up sluggard and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough.' Blame me not because you are lazy." Urbanely, I stood on those words and stepped away from the bed and sauntered towards the windows. Smirking at her hiss of indrawn breath and huff of umbrage I had to admit she entertained me.

I ducked out of the way of a pillow that suddenly sprouted wings and gracelessly took flight like a dodo bird, laughing at her poor aim, "I quiver in wonderment of your wrath, my little warrior. Would you care to give it another try? I'll even remain still this time," I called over my shoulder as to just goad her added, "harpy."

A grin crossed my face as I heard her inhale at the taunt. I continued to perambulate to open the shutters. Esme's decision to make an entire wall of glass had generous benefits, I thought as the shutters lifted. The view from my room of the river and forest was charming. Having accomplished that task to my satisfaction; I decided to taunt her again, thinking of my next line, and practicing it in my mind.

As I turned to face her, I heard her voice sarcastically say, "I resemble that remark."

The next pillow hit me square in the face surprising me as my hands darted to catch it. Stupefying me even more was my immediate reaction of genuinely laughing and gently tossing the pillow at her as she squawked and ducked. I have vampire speed for goodness' sakes, how did a puny human, especially one as uncoordinated as she, manage to strike me or avoid my aim? Emmett and Jasper chortled as they heard her pillow make contact with my face. That thanks to Jasper's gift made me and my singer laugh harder. Clearly her Grandmother must have aided her, or else Hezekiah's gift caused me more woe.

Rosalie said, "Now I see the resemblance to Vera even more. I like Bella more with each minute Edward."

"I'm afraid you just earned yourself a 'gotcha' my dear feisty one." I did my best to appear composed and threatening - not that kind of threatening I was not going to drink her dry for goodness sake's but human-like threatening, dark, mysterious. I could play that role. Really. Pathetic Lord Byron had nothing on me.

The expression of her face indicated I had captured her interest, "What exactly do you mean by a 'gotcha'?"

"Hmm," I scratched my chin, "Let me see how to best phrase this. Ah, I know. What that means is when you least expect it, Bella, expect it."

"Enough of the joking around, she's going to starve to death while you flirt with her," Rosalie carped. "And she needs her next dose of medication," she helpfully added.

Shaking my head at my sister's newfound devotion to my singer I said, "I tremble in awe before your glory my tiny termagant." Mocking her should become my second favorite past time, behind sweeping her off her feet. I moved toward the table with the tray of her food and lifted it. No, make that the fourth; we couldn't forget chess as secondary to the primacy of her scent. "You're going to waste away if you do not eat."

I set the breakfast tray before her, pills to the side of the plate. Mother had made pancakes with maple syrup. The calories alone should make up for the meal she had skipped. Lying through my teeth, I claimed to already have dined and bantered with her while she nibbled at her food. After thirty minutes she had only completed half her serving. I should have joined her, I thought, as she insisted she felt full. Surely consuming a mere three pancakes and a bowl of baked apples would starve her. She should eat more.

Alice and Rosalie pranced into the room and absconded with my singer to help her shower and change for the day. They confused me so. Her bathing products were in my bathroom where they belonged. I thought all women were selective about such things. I listened in on their conversation as any reasonable vampire would concerning the welfare of his singer when being handled by others. In contrast to my taunt of my singer, my sisters genuinely were harpies and I couldn't have them frightening her. "So Bella, how do you like staying with us so far?" Mary Alice lobbed that line smoothly.

"It's very kind of you all to take care of me." From my sister's thoughts my singer blushed prettily.

"Did you sleep well? I heard you complaining to Edward..." Rosalie began her fishing expedition. "Relax Edward, I'm just trying to help you a little," she whispered at vampire speed. I reminded myself that she was a trained psychiatrist which, of course, meant she knew exactly how to hurt my precious human. So now I possessed even more motivation to eavesdrop - I mean monitor the health of my human. I started glowing green light at that thought and suddenly it seemed like I was actually in the room observing them. My eyes lowered in shock as I saw my human remove her gown trying not to gaze in wonder at the tiny glimpse of her from behind that would forever be enshrined in my mind of her long hair framing her alabaster skin, her narrow waist, and becoming pink underwear that I had purchased adorning her frame. I had excellent taste. Marcia at Dillards said so. And even better, I picked the right size judging from the way they clung to her form. Starched Shirt Edward hissed that my vision eyes needed to remain on the vision floor. I reminded him, "I was a doctor. Twice. Professional. And I have seen plenty of naked people in medical school."

"Corpses don't count. You've never actually practiced on any human but our dear little one. And Al Capone - although that technically didn't count as practice."

"Exactly." I adopted a smug expression.

"What do you mean by that?" His hands went to his hips in ire. He wagged his right index finger at me, "None of your Sophistry now. Behave like the decent man you are."

"It's only decent to ensure that I did not hurt her last night when I held her. Or the night before. I was upset and grabbed her hips quite hard even by my standards." At least that is the excuse I used currently. And it was true. I had been upset when my arms had wrapped around her while weeping. Checking her for damage was the morally upright course of behavior.

Starched Shirt Edward's eyes widened and he peeped over my shoulder to ascertain if he could discern any injury before blushing, yelping, and turning back around covering his eyes with scandalized hands susurrating about temptation and sin. I could totally tell the pontificating bastard peeked through his fingers but continued smoothly, "She is, after all, very delicate and seems to be comforted when I hold her tighter. I don't want to harm her and am trying to ensure I did not. Now hush we need to listen to this part." I directed my attention back to my sisters and singer.

"I have no idea how he does it. He touches my hair and that's the last thing I remember and I wake up the next morning and don't remember a thing. It's like he's the walking sandman." My human spluttered fingering her camisole. I noticed she did not remove the pendant as she disrobed.

"Do you know why he touches your hair like that Bella?" Terror filled my mind as my heart plunged. I had to trust Mary Alice, I chanted to myself. She hadn't failed me so far.

"No."

"You asked him to do it at the hospital when you were sick."

"I what?" she gasped bringing her hands to her face, running them nervously through her hair.

"Do you remember when you kept his sweater?" Mary Alice reminded her.

"Oh my God. What else did I do?" she sounded on the edge of hysterics. They were mentally torturing my bride. I hissed at them at vampire pitch to stop distressing her.

My sisters ignored me and giggled at her and said, "Relax you were really cute."

"You're ducking the question." My singer was smart. For a human. Really, really smart, I thought with pride. She was taking on both of my sisters at once in her quiet manner. I couldn't wait to marry her. Not that she'd ever catch me in a verbal trap like that as I was too experienced. But still. It entertained me to watch her challenge Mary Alice and Rosalie who were excellent actresses in their own right.

"Jasper says you took Edward by the hand after asking him to join you in bed and showed him how you liked to have your head stroked. You acted like you were five. Mother actually cried sentimentally when she heard." Mary Alice sounded like she had recounted a favorite memory from her childhood. Not that she had any memories mind you of her human life, but the vocal tone she used in describing my human's behavior almost made me misty-eyed remembering the scene.

"You're telling me I pulled your brother into bed and took his hand and insisted that he run his fingers through my hair?" She sounded alarmed and fortunately for me not repulsed. Yet.

"Yes."

"Just my hair right?" Her heart rate started behaving oddly. She acted like she was going to faint.

"That's correct," Rosalie smirked moving closer in case she was needed to catch my singer.

"In front of other family members...?" her voice grew weak and trailed off.

"Nothing improper happened, and you were out of your mind with fever, Bella." Mary Alice soothed.

"But he's quiet. Oh Lord. Now he must think I'm a stalker and a freak. Your poor brother," she wailed in distress.

Flinging her right palm out cavalierly Mary Alice used a calm tone. "Pshaw, you weren't conscious. I was. I guarantee you he did not think that then, nor does he now. He didn't mind on any of the times."

"So you're saying I attacked him more than once?" Actually upon further reflection she did, in fact, truly appear like she was going to faint. Rosalie took her firmly by the arm and said, "No, Bella. When you were sick he literally sat there and tried to calm you for hours. Sometimes it was the only way you'd stay in bed."

"Calm me? Why did I need repeated calming?"

"Bella you had nightmares that terrorized you about red-eyed people. We had to sedate you several times. Edward was the only one who seemed to be able to calm you although we all tried." It was nice how she slid that word in and my singer's heart rate didn't change noticeably as it was already accelerated. It made me genuinely wonder if she remembered her nightmares in detail.

"All?"

"Every last one of us took turns sitting by your bedside while you were ill, dear. Eventually if Edward touched your hair like that it would make you sleep. And he was so worried about you he didn't mind it at all." Mary Alice said.

"....Grandmother." My singer whispered the words like they were being ripped from her being with hot pliers.

It captured all of our attention in the house as all activity ceased and listened.

She seemed distressed. I wanted to burst into the room and rescue her regardless of the fact that she'd just removed her camisole. I'd throw a bath towel over her and sling her over my shoulder. My sisters really were veritable gorgons. Emmett and Jasper appeared in the room. Jocularly, Emmet insisted as they grabbed me, "They're making a break through, you're not going anywhere loverboy."

"What about her?" Mary Alice prompted my human.

"She used to touch me like that. She, my Grandfather and Granduncle."

I noticed they were filling the bath up with hot water. Rosalie grabbed a handful of some colorful sand and sprinkled it in the tub. Foam appeared as the water level increased. The odor of gardenia wafted down the stairs, irritating me. Nothing should ever interfere with her scent. I was going to have to put my foot down and insist no more perfumed baths. Besides, showers were healthier for women. I remember that from medical school.

My vision eyes returned to my sisters and singer although I did keep my gaze directed at the floor. I saw the pink underwear land on the bathroom carpet and immediately blocked Jasper from reading my emotions as a wave of lust hit me. I clutched the sheets in my hands and fought not to tear them.

One day those garments of hers would fall to the floor for me, I vowed. In person. On purpose. Or better yet I'd tear them off; my lips curved wickedly. After, of course, we were properly wed in a proper ceremony before a proper man of God. Then I planned on properly ravaging my bride. Repeatedly. And buying her lots of replacement garments that I could rip off of her every chance I could. I'd have to take out stock in La Perla lingerie and Victoria's Secret. Jugurtha looked up from the Wall Street Journal and said, "That would actually be a good thing financially speaking, I'll write it down. And we should definitely hire Marcia as a consultant when ordering our dear little one's trousseau. Might I also suggest the British company Fantasie? Their lingerie collection this season is elegant from what my online research has found. But you are right to give her some time. True hunting requires patience."

He returned to reading the financial section. Brilliant thought, that on all counts. I was again thankful I kept him around and even gladder I gave him an appropriate name as we planned the campaign to claim my bride. I made a mental note to research Fantasie lingerie. Only the best would do for my future singer bride. I couldn't have her wearing cheap-looking undergarments. And I most definitely couldn't have her tearing breast tissue due to my incompetence. Proper lingerie therefore represented a health issue. I most definitely wanted her to be healthy all over. Mary Alice's next probe called me away from my unseemly thoughts.

"How much do you remember about her? She sounds like a wonderful grandmother. None of us had one." Living, that is, she neglected to add.

I heard my sisters help her into the tub. Even I had the decency, lurid creature that I was, not to send my mind into that part of the room. Besides, my sisters blocked any decent view so it was pointless. She let the steam seep into her lungs, coughing a time or five. Given the tenor of my thoughts, out of an abundance of caution, I acted to prevent the glass wall on the house from shattering and meditated to calm my body. Moments later, I felt disciplined enough to be able to return to monitoring her welfare. Mary Alice sat at one end of the garden tub chattering away while Rosalie sat at the other washing my singer's hair. I couldn't get past the expression on Rosalie's face. She looked like a mother hovering over her child.

"She and Grandpa Jericho and Great Uncle Liam had me all summer long when I was little. I never wanted to leave them." I noticed the absence of her father in this tale.

"What kinds of things did they used to do with you? Clearly they made an impression." Rosalie probed.

"They took me to museums and petting zoos. But mostly they taught me things, like sewing, crochet and cooking and chess, and history."

"They taught you chess?"

"We played it all the time. Uncle Liam was the best and really tough to beat. Even Grandmother had a hard time with him and she was really good at it, too."

I'll bet she was, I thought to myself. She certainly struck me as thinking like a chess player: deviously and five moves ahead of me. I, of course, meant that with full respect. I did, after all, admire deviousness having conscientiously engaged in it every day for over seven decades. I recognized a master when I saw one. And Genevieve, damn her, could clearly run circles effortlessly around me. That did not bode well for encounters with Liam if he was as cranky as his twin. Maybe I should have requested Jericho contact me instead? Charlie had to get his calm nature from someone; and it certainly wasn't the O'Shea side, I posited. I had only focused my investigation on the health of her Grandparents. I called out to Jugurtha to make a note reminding me to investigate them further, and Liam as well.

"I wish I had relatives like that. They sound like so much fun." Rosalie managed to sound sad when she said that.

"Speaking of relatives, Edward is a wonderful brother. In all the years I've known him I've never seen him harm a fly. It's good that the two of you are friends," Mary Alice said as she turned on the shower.

"Friends?" What was my sneaky sister doing? She directed thoughts at me that she was fishing. Oh, well in that case she was brilliant.

Her face remained unchanged and calm, "He has been a very good friend to me. And now I have another advantage to keeping him around."

"What is that?"

"He plays a decent game of chess and from what you tell me I've got him halfway trained in comforting me when I'm tired or upset. He's been perfectly respectful of me. That makes him the perfect guy friend to me."

Decent? My chess qualified in her mind as _decent_? After that remark I'd most definitely have to have another round or five with her to remind her of my prowess. And these current slang terms frustrated me so. Guy friend? What did _that_ mean? I'd have to ask Mary Alice. These modern women and their unusual speech would drive me mad one day. Whey didn't I at least rate the label of Fake Boyfriend? I was, after all. Fake. I mean her Fake Boyfriend.

My sisters howled at my expense. "She's certainly going to bring you to heel," Rosalie whispered at vampire frequency. Veritable Virago.

"I heel to no one," I insisted, ignoring that my brothers still held my arms fixed in place laughing alone with Rosalie. Well, that was true and I was only humoring my brothers as I could have easily thrown them off at any time. I was merely being considerate of their fragile masculine feelings and continuing my role of the shy brother in allowing them to _think_ they were restraining me. I certainly organized my life around her scent, but her scent was not a person. So you could argue I heeled to a sensation.

With an expression of almost pity on his face my brother shook his head, "Man you're going to have to kiss her soon or something. She is talking about you as if you are asexual, Edward," Emmett, damn him, accurately observed as he walked out the door with Jasper. They had decided to allow me to have privacy and simply ensure I didn't leave the room. I grumbled as I went and lay on her side of the bed. Didn't she recollect me kissing her? Oh wait; I barely remembered it so she probably had no recall of it thanks to all that supernatural power nonsense. Drat. I suppose I'd have to find another way to show her my esteem and kiss her again on the forehead while playing a blistering game of sensational chess. My suffering knew no bounds. I stretched back, arms linked overhead as I reclined in the bed. Perhaps a time or two my nose found its way to the pillow she used. Emmett's sickeningly sweet voice called out and suggested I might want to refrain from huffing the linens like a drug addict. Helpfully he closed that thought with, "Huffing your singer, 'Just say no'," imagining himself the immortal incarnation of Nancy Reagan and her campaign against drug addiction.

Starched Shirt Edward yanked on my sleeve in ire.

"This visionary lurking is immoral as it infringes on her privacy. You could simply smell her blood if you were concerned you harmed her and you know that. It's undead 101 common sense."

"Fine. I'm a deviant. Happy now?" I snapped.

"I'm going to go offer up prayers to the Blessed Mother." He turned on his heel and marched away.

"You, my dear hypocrite, most definitely should," I called after him. He froze in his tracks, stiffening his spine. Slowly, he turned to face me.

"What do you mean by that?" he glared warily.

"Admit it, you were every bit as aroused," I stared pointedly at the front of his suit, "As I was."

That sent him sprinting in shame as he flung himself and skidded on the wooden floor before the prayer bench on his knees like a baseball player sliding into home base. He didn't even bother to rise from the floor as he reverently started reciting the rosary in Latin. He spat the words so fast you could barely comprehend his utterances. I expected to see the Blessed Mother statue wave her hands like a spiritual umpire and say, "Out." Like me, Starched Shirt Edward had most clearly been tagged by the same ball of shame and arousal. Besides, it wasn't the first time I had seen my singer in this unclothed state. Prudence dictated because of my predatory drive I needed to prepare myself for when we were married. And anyway, I only looked at her from behind. So far.

Walking quickly into my bathroom, I disrobed, turning the water on in the shower. Mentally, I needed it cold this time and noticed that I had been glowing green for the past ten minutes: ever since I had blocked Jasper as he had left the room. Jugurtha Predator cleared his throat. With my back turned to him I asked, "Why are you disturbing me in the shower? Can't a simple non-human be left in peace?"

"We have something personal to discuss and I preferred to broach the topic while he," Jugurtha pointed to Starched Shirt Edward who stared in joyful contemplation before the Blessed Mother praying at a speed that would make an auctioneer weep, "was otherwise occupied." If ever there was a time when he would be oblivious, having him entreating in joyful shame was ideal. World War Three could erupt and he'd never notice.

"What is it?"

"We require experimentation in order to ensure the safety of her." He sounded like a scientist proposing a Nobel prize-winning idea.

"What kind of experimentation do you have in mind?" Now he had my attention. "I'd have to buy more equipment to set up a lab."

Jugurtha snorted. "We don't require that kind of facility. I suggest we experiment on ourselves."

"Pardon me?" I asked him to repeat that again. He had a matter-of-fact manner about him despite his obscure words.

"We must conduct research in order to ensure her safety if we are going to court her and most especially if we plan on kissing her _properly_ one day." He still nonverbally criticized me for not using my tongue to taste her flesh, "You need to find out why the glass shattered when it did. Clearly, you can not conduct that experiment here. And you certainly cannot risk exploring it around her. Remember both times?" Mentally he thought of the unfortunate incident as well as how I shattered glass during Jasper's hellacious vision in the fury of my blood lust as I struggled for control. "What did they have in common? You were aroused and climaxed the first time but did not the second."

Thinking back to that unspeakable vision of Jasper's and the feelings of despair that had overwhelmed me as I struggled not to kill her, I defensively said, "I did not act the same as on that unfortunate day. I felt only the stirrings of physical lust for a few moments in comparison. The incidents were not the same."

"You are correct; therefore, we must test this hypothesis." He sounded triumphant.

"Which hypothesis?"

"That climaxing results in earthquakes and shattered glass."

"Are you suggesting I find a trollop and engage in fornication?" I shouted scandalized - thank God our dialogues were mental. My brothers would have had a field day at that last question.

"Actually that would be preferable because if a strumpet died it wouldn't bother us as much as if our singer passed away at our own hands." Jugurtha Predator was always practical at least as he leaned against the wall arms crossed, "But, rather than involving a floozy - mortal or immortal," his mind went to Tanya and her sisters for a flash, "I suggest simply experimenting, ahem, alone."

"But I need equipment."

I had visions of myself locked in Father's lab at the hospital and did not understand how that would accomplish anything. I did not have the material to conduct any chemistry experiments, I fretted, "How can I possibly accomplish that without my singer present? She is the only woman on earth who has ever made me feel that way." Tanya and her sisters were perfectly lovely but failed to attract me. Utterly. This statement applied most especially to Tanya; despite repeated attempts on her part to convince me otherwise. And I felt quite sure of that fact, thank God.

Desperately trying to distract myself I turned my focus downstairs to my human. She wore the bathrobe I purchased for her and Rosalie was towel drying her hair with caution. Alice and she nattered about something frivolous like split ends and deep conditioning treatments whatever that was: it all sounded like a foreign language to me. Women, I muttered, dangerous every last one of them. Except of course, for mine.

Jugurtha rolled his eyes and presented his back to me as I stepped from the shower and put clothing on in a business-like manner. Once I was dressed and in the bedroom, he took a pillow that she had thrown and stripped it of its case. Tossing the cloth to me he said baldly, "You already have all the equipment you need. I suggest a low-tech approach. You need to go far away from everyone else and any human and masturbate. Take her scent with you."

Once his words registered, at vampire speed I dropped the pillow case like it was radioactive and I human; disrobed, and dove in desperation for the cold relief of the shower. The lurid images of what he suggested slammed into my brain as I made sure icy rivulets blasted my body, especially below the waist. My hands at all times were religiously kept on the soap, thank you very much. Blocking Jasper by radiating discomfort, I felt grateful once again for my skill at deception as having to take multiple showers in one day felt incommodious. My body glowed green at that moment but started to shimmer as I mentally prepared myself for my siblings' teasing. Fortunately my showers occurred so close together I could argue I had misplaced something like the soap or a washcloth. Anyways, my lower back required further attention as it experienced aching human muscular pain and that was the story I intended to stick to.

Actually, in truth, it was now sore, for Pete's sake, as were other parts of me that gentle breeding....manners, I mean, dictate shall remain unmentioned. I remembered the feel of her hands on it - my back, that is, unfortunately. Now that I gave it proper consideration; since I did have honorable intentions of marriage to my singer, perhaps as Jugurtha advised, I could use some practice? Strictly in the name of science of course, I thought in desperation, as the drinking glass on the bathroom counter started to rattle ominously and I stared at my fisted hands. Empty fisted hands as the icy water failed me. Why was I suddenly feeling this way? Oh right, I had been in a round about manner sort of observing my human disrobing in front of my sisters. Lesson learned. I wanted to beg God to please make the torment stop. My family couldn't find out about my glass-shattering habits as I had fastidiously crafted a pure virginal image for seven decades. And, for crying out loud I was actually a virgin. Feeling like the last passenger on the Titanic who was abruptly informed the lifeboats were full as they drifted out of reach and the icy sea swept me away, desolation battled with desire.

Jugurtha knew when to stop harassing me when the drinking glass on the bathroom counter, the glass in the mirror, and most especially the glass of the shower started to shake. Guiltily he crept away humming. The sly bastard made a big deal out of ignoring the environment politely understating, "Perchance we should go running." I attempted to calm myself to a proper frame of mind without following his ridiculous advice about the touching myself part. His advice concerning running wasn't a bad plan. Virtuously toweling dry and donning my attire at double-vampire speed, I extended my senses seeking Jasper's mind. It would not do for my human to return to our bed and find me in such a state. It would not do at all.

I heard Jasper and Emmett cackling at the joke they had recently played on me. What were they attempting now? I sensed Jasper attempting to beam a rather potent stream of lust from his study which was directly below my bedroom to me and he didn't even try to be sneaky about it. Since I was the only person on this floor and he aimed his power up at me no one else would be impacted. The glass had only trembled for a few seconds and my Parents had mentally dismissed it as aftershocks from the earlier quake. Staring at the glass, with a frustrated sigh I resigned myself to entertaining the possibility that I would have to contemplate Jugurtha's suggestion later because of my idiot relations. Or leave the house until they learned better manners. And I couldn't abandon my singer in her time of need.

Livid, at vampire speed, I changed the sheets on the bed. As salacious thoughts of her bombarded my mind like bullets against cardboard, I clutched the pillowcase she had blessed with her fragrance and drool. I acted not because I thought about taking it to the middle of the Olympic National Park and doing anything deviant in its vicinity, of course. There were locations farther _away _that would be much more practical for my requirements. Another mental image of her in inappropriate attire in my arms swept through my mind and I could not take it any more as I felt the ground shake slightly again. And I would never dress her in that color of lingerie, I wondered, baffled at the sight of her in tawdry canary yellow lace. Was I truly losing grip of my faculties?

Feeling like a common cat burglar, I surreptitiously stuffed her pillowcase into my pants and fled, I mean departed determinedly from the house. Like the good son I pretended to be; I left the sheets from our bed in a basket in front of the washer, ensuring the load had two pillowcases in it. No one would think to look for a third or fourth despite there being six pillows on the bed. Snorting at Emmett's chiding, I was, for just this once, going to "just say 'yes'." Nancy Reagan could go jump in a lake. I most definitely intended to huff my singer. I had some thinking to do. And inhaling. Lots of inhaling. Moral inhaling. For research purposes only, of course.

* * *

**AN: Edward has new human symptoms - like muscular pain from his Quileute powers, and he feels better when he touches Bella as she sleeps. He also finds that although other human food smells repulsive, he likes the smell of apples. Edward's concerned parents have a discussion with Edward about boundaries and courtship. Edward and Bella have a conversation in which Edward claims she's earned a "gotcha". Mary Alice and Rosalie help Bella shower and try to get her to talk about her dreams and family. Emmett and Jasper play a practical joke on Edward while this is going on with Jasper beaming lust at Edward. Fearing for his singer, Edward flees the house after snatching a pillowcase from the bed. Jugurtha has suggested he conduct research on venom leakage to protect his human. Hands on research. Edward wants me to tell you "both hands on" research. For moral purposes, of course.**

**All I can say is the devil made me write the next chapter. :) *smirks***

**Starched Shirt Edward is hyperventilating and praying that you'll give him a review while he rants about temptation. Jugurtha Predator is smirking at him and waving at you. :) Books**


	24. HOD pt 13 Hitchcock

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, Sister Claire, The O'Sheas, Jericho, Jenny, Hitchcock, and Hezekiah are mine. So There.**

**Many thanks to my validating beta vjgm.**

**And Fantasy Mother, Superstarrh, and Arioch for amazing beta skills. **

**This chapter goes out to June, Elphabacy35, DisneyVampire and Miss Poison. **

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. **

*****This chapter contains mature content ***  
**

**Snarky Summary: So Jasper manages to get around those barriers of steel Edward has up and makes him feel a wee bit of lust. Edward has been pondering the moral ramifications of conducting research to discover just what caused the earthquakes and glass shattering. The entire house is on edge because of recent visions courtesy of Genevieve and all are frightened because of the increasingly strident tone of her warnings, not to mention the changes they've noticed in Edward. And now to our story...**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Thirteen - Hitchcock**

Despite what to ignorant outsiders may have appeared a frantic vampire sprint in the wilderness, I maintained my impressive control using the opportunity to simultaneously work off energy and monitor the welfare of my singer. Rosalie and Mary Alice stood on either side of her like guardian columns as she dressed. Apparently this proved to be prudent as she stumbled a time or two - from what I heard, of course. Another wave of desire wafted over me and the intensity caught me unawares, causing me to lose focus. Much to my consternation, my forehead made forceful contact with a large boulder. Arms flailing, I fell on my back to the soggy earth ignoring the smirking hulk of stone that had emerged unscathed. Framed by the leaves and needles, the sky looked rather pleasant at this angle of observation, I thought, rubbing my forehead. Thank goodness vampires did not bruise, although my back hurt even more now than it did earlier and my head now stung. Perhaps thirty seconds after my departure from the house, Mary Alice's voice mentally shouted at me, _"Edward, Bella is fine. Please trust me. I need you to leave the area right now!" _ How strange, I considered her strident tenor and stood. Brushing the dirty leaves, fragrant needles, and twigs from my clothing, I raced away into the forest. Mary Alice hadn't failed me so far. And I planned on leaving anyway. Prudence dictated that it would be reasonable for me to continue watching over them all as I followed some of Mary Alice's advice.

Abandoning my singer in Rosalie's merciless clutches, armed with cosmetics my poor dear little one did not require, an enraged Mary Alice steamrolled to Jasper's study. She flung open the door so hard it made a hole in the wall and ripped from its hinges. Her mate, ensconced with Emmett cackling at their practical joke attempt, immediately read her emotions and a hangdog guilty expression crossed his face. I seethed, as I darted through the underbrush leaping from the moss-encrusted boulders over the Quillayute River.

To my utter delight she approached his desk, blood in her eye, and slapped her palm on the mahogany surface as she yelled, "Stop it this instant Jasper!"

I can't remember the last time I heard her raise her voice to, well, anyone. And in all our years I'd never seen her quarrel with Jasper, although I'm sure they had conflict out of our sight. My very private sister and her mate did not do public scenes.

I stopped to listen, afraid I'd crash into a tree in my anger if I continued running and eavesdro....I mean monitoring my family's mental hygiene. The pillowcase I had dubbed "Delilah" possessed a siren voice that lured me away for a second before I forced my brain to concentrate on the house. In half a century, I had never seen her that angry; and neither, to his distress, had her unfortunate mate. I pondered if I should return to defend her, and then reconsidered.

Father and Emmett were there, not to mention Mother and Rosalie. Jasper's thoughts were not violent as much as worried. He might have killed numerous humans, men and women alike; but my brother had never raised a hand to his mate in all the time I had known him. And suddenly, my feelings of arousal withered in the wind.

Emmett guffawed and said, "Relax Alice we're only messing around and helping him out in the process. It's all good clean fun." Jasper did not join him. In the tense silence in the study, as our incandescently angry parents approached, Emmett started to appreciate Alice's rage.

"So having my husband incite feelings of lust in Edward, who has been through emotional hell for the past few days, is your idea of entertainment? Please, tell me how? I really want to know your brilliant reasoning." She glared icily.

Our Parents entered the study wearing matching furious expressions at the two sullen siblings. Mother even ignored the broken doorway thinking to herself that she would have done more damage had she been the first one in the study. Mary Alice contemplated smiting Emmett and Jasper both upside the head.

Appreciating the sudden dampening of my raging lust; the penny dropped suddenly as I realized my failure. Oh my gracious mercy. That's why I had nearly shattered the glass in the house. The forest seemed to close in on me so I did the only thing I knew: I followed my sister's counsel and ran for my life.

I had not apprehended that Jasper had actually pierced through my mind-block and had influenced me. Backbiting bastards. I could have annihilated my singer and possibly everyone in the house. And Mary Alice understood and defended me. Wait, would she tell of my predilection towards shattering glass? Frantically, I listened to her tirade while obeying her wishes.

Mary Alice ranted, fortunately at a rate human ears could not detect, "Bella's scent alone lures him. Both of you know exactly how that feels: some of you _twice_ over. Unfortunately, neither of you were strong enough to deal with your blood lust when faced with a singer." She glared pointedly at Emmett who stared back defiantly. "Our brother has managed to avoid killing Bella through iron discipline that boggles even my mind!"

"C'mon Alice, we were just trying to help," Emmett pleaded, crumbling before her wrath.

She continued shouting at vampire pitch as if he had never spoken, "How would you feel if you knew you could kill Rose with a touch?" Emmett hung his head, "When you combine blood lust and love it's even more emotionally painful. Take those few seconds you were around your singers and pretend they were the woman you loved. Am I getting through to you knuckleheads?"

"But Alice-" her mate started.

She cut him off with a gesture, "You did not sit with him as much as I did in the hospital and see him tormented when she almost died. I did."

Both men suddenly developed a fascination with the intricate pattern of the Aubusson carpet.

My sister turned her fury on her mate, "You know that Edward is painfully shy and he's half convinced himself that he will never have a chance with her. Despite that, you two numbskulls decide you want to have some FUN by winding him up with lust, and sending him after her? If he killed her do you have any _idea_ what that would do to him?"

"Aw, honey, I'm sorry," Jasper contritely whispered.

"Don't 'aw, honey' me, Jasper Whitlock Hale."

"We wouldn't have let it get out of control." Emmett assured her.

"You don't understand. He is walking on eggshells around her because he fears she'll never love him. He could kill her with a kiss. Even if he did not physically hurt her, do you understand that forcing him to feel lust and act inappropriately around Bella could ruin his chances with her? She's shy and very sheltered when it comes to men."

"Edward would never have spun that out of control. Come on Alice, it's Edward." Jasper insisted, both palms raised, entreating his irate mate.

So let me see if I understand this, one minute he's grilling me about my comportment toward my singer, and half an hour later he's beaming concupiscence at me? I shook my head. I always thought he had more brains than Emmett. Perhaps I should re-evaluate that idea.

To her credit, his attempts to placate his mate only fanned the flames. She spat, "It haunted Edward that experiencing your vision almost forced him to kill Bella while he tried to protect her from us."

Jasper's face did the equivalent of blanching in vampire behavior as it fell, memories from his torment assailing his mind.

My sister, it seems, had only begun to fight, "For just a second can you not make this about you and how you felt? Thanks to your gift, I know how horrible you felt yesterday," He stiffened in his chair as she reminded him of our agony at his thoughts. "You did not choose to experience that vision; Genevieve forced it on us. But not even twenty-four hours later, you do this? When he's vulnerable?" I noticed even when livid she stayed discreet on her mate's behalf while making her point crystal clear.

Mary Alice, for example, neglected to say out loud that Vision Jasper's feelings were made all that much worse for us because he dined on sixty of the men under his command. We had felt their emotions and Jasper's - their pain and terror and his bloodlust, shame, and joy. And much to my surprise, her thoughts indicated her resolve to never disclose my secret. She looked over to our Parents as Mother made a noise.

"Please continue talking Alice. You're saying this better than I could have," Mother glared.

Father waded into the fray, "Thanks to Hezekiah and the visions, now he has all those human emotions and recovered memories interfering with his ability to think and causing chaos," he paused, because every immortal in the house knew that today was the anniversary of my human Mother's death as well as my own. Last night marked the date of my human Father's death.

We never talked out loud about the commemoration of deaths either of our mortal families' or our own. I suppose it had become taboo, although we silently supported each other when those dates arrived for those of us that knew them, Alice being the exception. For Father to actually name the events out loud stunned us all. I had never complained or indicated discomfort about the anniversaries, but my family had always given me space on those days. "When you consider that with what happened with Bella, your timing of your prank was abhorrent."

Mother chimed in, "Yesterday he had his immortality almost ripped from him when his heart starting to beat and stopped. Considering he cried himself to sleep in her arms, that should tell you something. And then to have it start all over again when he came back to us. I can't even begin to imagine the fear of losing who I am."

Mary Alice finished that thought with, "With all that in mind you wanted to play with his emotions? I have never been more embarrassed in my life to know either one of you."

Jasper hung his head as did Emmett, like side by side prisoners sitting in the stocks in the town square.

"Sorry." Her mate said, meaning it.

"Sorry." Emmett added, quite contrite.

"We are not the ones you owe an apology," she snarled. Gracious she had an impressive temper. I'd never seen this side of Mary Alice. I dictated a memo to Jugurtha to remind us to never incur her wrath. Frankly, she was scarier than Genevieve O'Shea Swan. For example, she could actually communicate effectively without nearly killing us in the process.

"We were merely trying to take his mind off things, you know? Divert his attention?" Emmett tried to justify his behavior.

"So you unleash your weapon of mass distraction on him by having him kill her? Brilliant move that." I could feel the acid in her voice from here.

"No. No. No. We didn't think he'd do that. Emmett and I thought some good old fashioned lust might encourage him to move things along so he'd stop mooning over her and speak. You've all seen how he stares at her with calf's eyes but doesn't say a thing. We thought since we were all here we could protect her." Jasper realized how foolish those words were the second they left his lips. Given my powers had kept the entire family from even coming inside the room during his vision yesterday, he remembered, perhaps this plan really had been as bad as his wife insisted.

"How exactly, oh master battle planner, were you were going to protect Bella from the study? If he had snapped he would have attacked Bella, Rose and me, you morons. And he put up a barrier that blocked you," she pointed at Emmett, "from even coming into the room during the vision yesterday. Who is to say he couldn't have done that again?" Alice fumed. Derisively she caroled at her mate, "Were you really the military strategist, or did you just make that up as a pick up line?"

Jasper stilled as she scored a home run on his ego. Not only was she scarier than Genevieve, I decided she definitely was meaner and she appeared to have more stamina.

His mate, it appeared, had more ammunition, much to my delight, "And if he did snap and attack her we'd been forced to turn her; which would be all kinds of awkward, trying to explain her death while under our care, to her police chief father, General Robert E. Lee wannabe." She swatted at her mate's shoulder.

Mother finally found her voice and whispered aghast, "I am absolutely scandalized. You both failed not only your brother, not only your family, not only yourselves. You failed to protect her - a sick, vulnerable scared human girl. We're supposed to be _better_ for her than her parents." Mother chided them both.

"Well he's sleeping with her and all." Emmett blustered then stammered as all eyes fell upon him in fury.

"Yes. But that's all he's doing - literally sleeping. I and your Father have sat in his room and watched at night over them to make sure of that fact while you have been out of the house in their cottage." Jasper and Mary Alice had a cottage for privacy to keep Jasper's empathetic abilities from tormenting the house when they desired intimacy. "And don't think we're both not listening to every movement in his room the entire time they are together, and vigilantly monitoring his thirst. We gave our word she would be safe in all respects and since she is his singer, your Father and I guard Edward even from himself. Besides, Edward has always been so respectful of women. Do you think he'd throw all of that away so easily?" She crossed her arms against her chest and fumed.

"Well he's touching her an awful lot given he's Edward," Emmett said.

"We all have seen that Bella suffers from night terrors. He is the only one that can calm her," Father chided him.

Mother continued, "Having to touch her in front of us the other day nearly killed him. And he clearly loved her enough to do that in our presence despite how shy he is and his notion of propriety. Don't you remember what his face looked like? I, oh, I......" Mother's voice trailed off as she wept in rage.

"Jasper, you will never; without his explicit knowledge or consent, manipulate Edward or Bella's feelings in regards to their relationship," Father said. I had never heard him that angry either.

"Yes, Father. I apologize for my behavior. I genuinely was not thinking."

"Me too, Mom and Dad. I feel terrible. I think it's the stress of all the visions that clouded our judgment. I really am sorry." He called that last line out to his furious wife, who smiled cheerily at my singer hiding her rage behind her exceptional acting skills.

I could hear Rosalie desperately trying to keep my singer occupied. They'd had an interesting conversation where my singer explained much to my pleasure that she did not like wearing cosmetics because they felt strange on her skin. I, Jugurtha, and Starched Shirt Edward all rejoiced at hearing that claim. I disliked the artificiality of chemicals masking her features. Jugurtha concurred, and complained they would impact the taste of her skin, of course. And Starched Shirt Edward said she did not need to look like a Jezebel to capture our regard. We high-fived each other in celebration of our accord.

Rosalie, to my amazement, respected her feelings and offered to teach my singer how to make it appear more natural. Unfortunately, my singer agreed. She politely listened to an informative presentation by Rosalie on the joys of kohl colored goop for accenting large brown eyes. My sister also insisted on painting my singer's toenails, of all things. Jugurtha whined that he couldn't suck on her toes with all that garbage on them.

Starched Shirt Edward bellowed, "Sucking after marriage and the discussion thereof, is fine. It's immoral to even think about it before our holy union."

As we did when he made his now infamous comment about licking our singer, we simply perused Starched Shirt Edward and waited for the impact of his highly inappropriate words to occur. He squeaked like an electrified chipmunk and in panic ran to Jugurtha's cave rather than the library. He did not emerge. Thank God. That sucking comment......Gah!

Rosalie sincerely tried so hard to be nice to my mystified human as she put down the nail file and used a pumice stone on her feet cautiously. I could tell from her thoughts that she felt astounded at how wonderfully my human had behaved towards me last night. Rosalie's thoughts indicated she would do anything to help me with her. Seeing her growth in character over the past few weeks continued to astound me.

Rosalie also whispered at vampire frequency, "Emmet, what you did to Edward was so sick, you're not touching me for a week." As he whined she ignored his pleas saying at a human volume, "Bella, why don't you pick out a color that you like for the nail polish?"

Starched Shirt Edward beamed at my sister, "It's like Mary Magdalene washing Our Savior's feet." I shushed him so I could continue monitoring the situation.

"Aw Rose, baby, you know I'm sorry." Emmett begged.

_"That means seven entire days, Emmett." _She flung back at him at vampire pitch before addressing my singer. "Yes, Bella, that is a lovely shade of pink I think it will definitely look good with your skin tone."

The experience of her vision had seemingly sparked in Rosalie a fierce protectiveness of my singer that frankly; considering it was Rosalie, after all, astounded me. Will wonders never cease?

"Well, you'll have company with Jasper." Mary Alice added. "And if you try to use your powers on me buster, I'll double the time," she stared at her gobsmacked husband as the very idea occurred to him. "And Emmett you aren't sorry yet, but by the end of the week both of you will most definitely be. Rosalie and I really will be having sleepovers for the next week."

With that, she swept from the room. Shaking my head, I tried to wrap my mind around my family's behavior.

Rosalie might be prickly from time to time, but she really was good once you tore away all those thorns and briars. As the lecture in the study of my brothers by my outraged Parents continued; Rosalie decided my human needed her fingernails done as well. Wearing a bemused expression, my human did not argue, smart girl, and quietly thanked Rosalie.

"For what?" Rosalie said in response.

"Taking such good care of me. Teaching me about make up. I've never had anyone do that." her voice trailed off.

"Don't you talk about cosmetics with Leah Clearwater?"

"No, she hates them, and she's so pretty she doesn't need them anyway."

"What about Angela Webber?"

"Her parents won't allow her to wear makeup aside from Carmex on her lips. And I really don't want tips from Lauren or Jessica as somehow I don't think they'd be helpful."

Rosalie beamed, patted my singer's hand and replied, "Really, Bella, you're part of the family now. We'll be happy to talk to you about whatever you want. We like you and are so delighted to have you around." Endearingly, she hugged my human, careful not to break her or disturb her drying manicure and said, "And just between you and me, you are very pretty yourself and don't need any foundation at all." From her thoughts I could tell she actually meant what she said.

Speaking of family, my Parents handed out another punishment to both Emmett and Jasper. They both had to help me with my romance by offering me advice and not making me feel humiliated in the process.

"Mother, we were going to do that anyway."

"Not without the humiliation part you weren't, Emmett. And you planned on goading Jasper into helping with that effort with his gift just like you did today. And you definitely planned on doing something in school when he was in public." She was good. She definitely had his number.

Father reminded them, "Think over all the decades you have known him. Have you ever seen him speak so much?"

Everyone immortal in the house thought, "No."

"What about touching? How often has initiated an embrace or affectionate touch with any of you?"

No one said a word.

"Have you ever seen him make any effort towards spending time with any of you individually like he has lately? Has he ever asked a single one of you for any thing until these past few weeks?" Father's wrath sounded with each word.

"No." they whispered in response hanging their heads.

"Have you ever heard him sing?" Mother queried.

Silence reigned from the immortal section of the house, making Rosalie's cheery conversation with my singer sound all the more discordant.

Father continued, "He sang for her. And as shy as he is he did it before us. He embraced her because he could not stand to see her suffer. He was so frightened by the vision he used his Quileute gift without having experimented with it first. You know how methodical Edward is."

Emmett mumbled to the carpet, "I know Father. He took samples from her house's air vents and ran meticulous clinical trials on them. I helped."

I wasn't going to have to say a word when I returned home, my sisters and our Parents had made my brothers feel more guilt than I ever could have envisioned doing on my own. Mentally, I chortled as I stood from the ground and raced into the forest. That wouldn't, of course, stop me from seeking revenge on my brothers at a later date as my rage at their slight to my singer dictated. But still. I wove around a startled black bear and increased my pace.

Mother's shoulders heaved as she tried to stop weeping and Father patted her hand lovingly. "There, there, dear. All will be well."

He returned to glaring at my scapegrace brothers. I couldn't believe they had made Mother cry.

Starched Shirt Edward observing aghast from his prayer bench marched up to me and prodded me with an elbow. "Ordinarily I would simply pray for Jasper and Emmett. But they could have killed our dear little one. Worse, they made our vampire Mother weep. It is only right we bring their failings to their attention. It's the moral thing to do."

I saw he was on board with the vengeance plan as well. Jugurtha waved at me assuring me of his agreement. Father's voice called me back to my observation.

Angered at her tears Father concluded, "In the past if something amusing happened you'd see the ghost of a smile on his face. Today she threw a pillow at him, of all things, and he laughed. I never saw him behave so when he was a mortal. Bella embodies a walking miracle around not only us, but for your brother. I had forgotten what my father looked like. She gave that back to me today. Emmett, she gave you your family. Jasper, I know that vision was ghastly. She gave you the memory of your life long friend that you had forgotten and restored your damaged mind. She said it was to help you. How have you helped her back in return?"

By this time my brothers were on the verge of tears.

I decided that my Parents and Mary Alice had the situation well in hand. I'd find a way to obtain appropriate vengeance at a later date. Anyway, my singer seemed content with Rosalie and Mary Alice as they started a movie. To sate my bloodlust sparked by my brothers' joke, I fed on two elk and disposed of the corpses.

Jasper may have been jesting by flinging lust at me, but he and Jugurtha and most especially my Father made me realize I had to conduct research, despite the sacrifice on my part to my dignity. Morality dictated that I had to do this for the betterment of our relationship's future. I sprinted 195 miles away northeast to a deserted spot in Mount Baker National Forest that had recently had an earthquake, and was miles away from any household or car. I ensured with my gift that I was completely alone. What now? I stared at the bark of a tree trunk in contemplation.

Jugurtha tapped me on the shoulder. "To begin it would be efficacious if you would stand in a location where you feel comfortable and free yourself from the confines of your clothing. Take the pillowcase and think of her like you did when aroused." Oh right.

The large thick circular hedge of highbush cranberry bushes with the red ends of new growth contrasting against the green leaves grew twelve feet tall. Even better, it surrounded in a perfect uninterrupted circle, a group of large trees. Leaping over the thick hedge to the other side, I felt comfortable standing in between it and the old growth trees with their near record-breaking circumference. It shielded me on all sides from view. Not, mind you, that there were any nosy human passersby in the vicinity. But you could never be _too_ careful.

I adjusted my clothing inappropriately or appropriately in this case, just this once, for research purposes only. Shamefully, I considered that I had truly become a beast, as I draped the pillowcase across my shoulder so her scent would waft up to me. Merely smelling her fragrance alone, thank the Good Lord on High, did not spark sexual arousal. I had to think of images. But it certainly helped smelling her scent mixed with my own.

Starched Shirt Edward burst shrieking out of Jugurtha's cave. He pointed at my exposed manhood, "We most definitely do not endorse engaging in the mortal sin of Onanism," he whispered the last word scandalized. "We do not want to go blind like Sister Agnes Lucy insisted we would. And we are doing our best to escape the fiery flames of Hell. And _this_ is putting us right back on the path to Satan's doorstep," He stomped his right foot with the last four words. "And you!" he pointed a trembling accusatory index finger at a bored Jugurtha, "are aiding and abetting in corrupting our immortal soul! We've done wicked things in the past but never _that_!"

Red-faced, spewing spittle as he barked, he pivoted on his foot and walked toward me opening his mouth to continue his lecture, a determined set to his jaw.

He only made it two steps before, quite effortlessly I might add, Jugurtha clotheslined him and dragged the blushing Starched Shirt Edward into the cave by his ear for a man-to-man talk.

Jugurtha encouraged me to "Continue as you were. Thinking of that day and the sounds she made might help," over his shoulder. He said, "Come on small-fry," to Starched Shirt Edward of course, not me. "Let's discuss just why God had a problem with this concept, shall we?" Jugurtha said patiently.

I noticed Starched Shirt Edward also sported a raging erection, which I would most definitely use against him at a later date, the pipsqueak. Right now I had better, far more interesting things to do in the name of "scent"-antic science with my hands. Both of them.

Leaning back against the trunk of a large tree, I decided to take Jugurtha's insightful advice and thought of her lying on her bed that night weeks ago in her tiny thin white t-shirt and modest pink lace Victoria Secret classic bikini underwear that was currently on sale if I bought 4 pairs for $29.99 for her, as I was tempted to do, yet refrained with my impeccable control.

This time I gave myself complete permission to imagine her writhing on top of my lap in that outfit - wearing my wedding ring on the appropriate finger, of course. The metal glinted in the light as she moaned and grabbed her unbound hair in both of her hands arching her back as my hands conscientiously held her waist.

Perhaps I took artistic license in imagining her removing the white t-shirt to reveal her perfectly proportionate breasts - no matter what that idiot Newton thought. I should know, I'd memorized their every curve and they were indeed ideal for her dainty form. She leaned forward kissing me passionately then shyly took my hands and brought them up wordlessly to her breasts asking me to touch her...there.

I moaned as lust roared through me at the mental image of her wearing nothing but her lace panties and the palms of my hands, thumbs grazing her nipples in wonder. In my delighted mind she rocked her hips above me whispering my name as I fretted over which part of her I should first touch and in what order. Decisions .... decisions..... I only knew I had to have her. Now. And I carefully, in my mind, lifted her by the waist and rolled so that I lay atop her and rested my weight on my forearms. Pinning her to the bed, I languorously kissed the column of her throat as she moaned my name, legs eagerly wrapped around my waist.

Recalling the unfortunate incident of inadvertent venom leakage helped. I played back in my mind the sound of her calling out to me on that infamous day in her room, and decided to forget about her being delirious. And I permitted my vampire mind to lovingly recreate the wondrous sensations of bliss when I had innocently tried to reduce her fever with my revolutionary technique of vampire body temperature therapy: and she had tightly wrapped her legs around my stunned body.

I recalled the sensation of lying on top of her, my face pressed into her neck, as her soft breasts pressed into my chest as I felt her legs clench around me and her heels delightfully dig into my buttocks. Of course, that naturally meant that my mind had permission to ruminate over the smell of my singer's arousal as she pressed her unique scent against my standing-at-attention body. And I most definitely allowed my brain to recall how it had felt when she ran her hands lovingly up and down the musculature of my back. It certainly worked for the purposes of research.

I imagined if her hands running down my back felt that good when I was clothed on that infamous day, how wondrous it would be if she had direct contact with bare skin? My mind remembered her yanking my hair with her fingers as she moaned in delirious delectation. I recalled how on that day my lips hovered inches from her throat taking in her scent, contemplating touching her.

And I most definitely gave myself permission to reminisce how she had thrust her pelvis against my erection. Repeatedly. Slowly. For over fifteen minutes. I remembered the feel of her enticingly erect nipples against my chest as she moaned in my ear as I flung myself onto my back keeping her astride me. I was not a premature ejaculator, no matter what Mary Alice thought.

Touching my aroused self I expected lightning to emerge from the sky and vindictively chase me throughout the forest like it had Jacob Black and his virgin stub the other night. It started to pour and thunder on that note. This guaranteed I'd be even less likely to have unwelcome company, I thought, as I repeatedly stroked my painfully erect shaft allowing the booms of thunder to disguise my groans of pleasure. The canopy here was so thick that the rain did not strike me.

I heard Jugurtha's voice call out from his cave, "There are no humans around. Focus on the prize; stop thinking about where you are. Think only of her. She is all that matters." He continued lecturing Starched Shirt Edward into submission.

Duly noted. I quickened my movements squeezing tighter imagining my hands were replaced by hers. I thought about the smile of pleasure on her face as she rubbed against me on that infamous day. A little voice inside reminded me that she had called me Dream Edward then, and that I currently had to fake my behavior with her.

I mentally shouted that interloper into silence when I roared at it in my mind that 'desperate times called for desperate measures for desperate vampires and to shut up already I was trying to concentrate here'. Maybe those moronic human teenagers did have it right; this definitely felt pleasant and stimulating. Must not think about stupid humans, must think only of my not-so-stupid human and her full lips and gorgeous scent and that expression of triumph that nearly undid me every time she wielded it when she won at chess. I imagined her wearing it on top of me instead.

My mind went back to my fantasy of her in the pink underwear tantalizing me as she ground against my erection while sitting in my lap. I'm not quite sure how it happened but one moment she was in her underwear tormenting me and the next I had somehow managed to persuade her to remove them, because they mysteriously vanished. I had hoped my fantasies would spark some kind of idea in how to communicate with her.

By Jove, if Fantasy me could talk my bride out of her panties, then asking her out on a romantic excursion should be simple. And my mind had skipped the talking her out of her panties part, blast it, and jumped straight to what it would feel like to imagine taking my ....and plunging ever so delicately inside her warm body kissing her throat.... as I touched her...with my hand ...... hearing her scream my name in ecstasy over and over again as I moved my mouth.....and ever so gently thrust my hips....as she ebulliently climaxed screaming_ my _name instead of God's at the top of her wheezy lungs. And my voice, as Imaginary me climaxed with her, definitely sounded appropriately masculine as I bellowed her name.

Once she had caught her breath, in my fantasy she gazed up at me with her arms around my shoulders and demanded with a sexy purr to be on top _this _time. She kissed my neck and bit me gently behind the ear, nudging me to lay on my side while she ran her fingers in between our bodies down my abdomen. She only stopped when she reached my already erect manhood; despite a mere seventy-six seconds having passed since my last ejaculation.

These modern day idioms confused me so. In that moment I gained a new appreciation for when Emmett told me that she had me in the palm of her hand; or Hezekiah complained if I wasn't careful she'd have me wrapped around her little finger. I certainly enjoyed the fantasy sensation at present. They both made it sound so _bad._ Frankly, I rather _fancied_ imagining her having me in the palm of her hand. I actually wanted to encourage this felicitous event to occur in reality once we were married as frequently as possible. And she could wrap me around her fingers any time she liked. I was generous that way. I was a giver, indeed.

In my mind, I envisioned her slowly staring me in the eye with desire as she confidently squeezed and held me with one hand and pushed at my right shoulder with the other to roll me onto my back. Fired with inspiration, I eagerly took her by the waist merely wanting to assist her in her endeavor. She gasped in pleasure as she tantalizingly lowered herself onto me. Once we became one, she deliberately held still allowing us to both revel in the pleasure before she slowly started to circle her hips, throwing her head back and moaning aloud. I didn't think the pleasure could grow any more intense, but it continued to rise in my mind as I thought of her scent and her moan and her body glowing in the moonlight as I reverently watched her move above me.

Fantasy me growled at her to go faster and she opened her eyes, as her lips took an impish turn. Instead, she slowed her pace placing her palms flat on my shoulders and leaned down to kiss my panting lower lip with her own as we lay in our bed at the house utterly alone, aside from our peacefully sleeping children down the hall.

The imagined sight of our joined bodies was the most erotic image I have ever felt. In my thoughts, she gazed at me as her fingers moved to caress my face with the same look like she gave that bastard Dream Edward and whispered, "I love _you_ with all my heart, husband mine; and I'm setting the pace this time," as she slowed her hips even more. I groaned in pleasure caressing her warm skin along her ribs down to her hips. She really was killing me in this fantasy and she knew it and enjoyed every second.

With that image in mind, I threw back my head and sent another soundless scream into the wilderness as tremors rocked the earth beneath my shaky feet and I climaxed in reality. I recalled this instinctive mental cry of "I want that!" Followed by, "Mine all mine!"

My wind milling arms flung about mindlessly as I convulsed in pleasure and ripped the 200 year old Western Hemlock tree I leaned against out by its roots with a shove knocking it and four other large ones over in the process like tumbling tremendous dominos. My legs collapsed like matchsticks from under me and I ended up on my back writhing in pleasure. A large leafy tree branch fell on my head and cracked in half. I'm afraid I didn't notice it at the time, as I was too busy feeling euphoria panting, completely sated.

The pillowcase floated in the air, as I wilted, and landed with a teasing caress on my face like a rewarding kiss from my bride after pleasuring her. For a moment in my mind, I envisioned her bending over me and stroking my closed lips with her fingers, her hair falling around us like a heavy curtain from the world. The clamorous chirping of a cricket sounded; distracting me, leaving me reaching out into the air in vain for my Vision Sexually Sated Bride. Once the sensations had faded I opened my eyes with a sigh and removed the cotton cloth from my face, thinking that at least some of the shrubbery stood intact.

Sighing, I pushed the tree branches off of my forehead and met the disgusted dark stare of a now homeless raccoon. He shook his head stared pointedly at me as if to say, "What a pervert," tossed his nose into the air, and punted an acorn. It bounced off my forehead with a sting. He stalked away indignantly kicking leaves out of his path.

I might be a pervert, but I was most definitely a relaxed one, after having moved the earth, again, I thought with a sleepy grin. Another loud crack sounded above, as two separate and, might I add, large, heavy tree branches landed across my lower legs, snapping in twain. I cared not; I puffed air out of my lips and waved my right palm towards the ground in dismissal. Blinking in elation, the pure feeling of enjoyment canceled out anything else on my list of priorities. A wet leaf flopped upon my chin, changing my mind.

Rain now landed upon my face, which caught me unawares as the trees had blocked it earlier. Gazing about in confusion, I suddenly took note of the extent of the destruction I had caused to the tree I had been leaning against and its neighbors.

As branches and cold leaves continued to rain in bits down upon the earth and my face and chest, it reminded me of the unpleasant reality that I inhabited. I could not help but sigh. Lifting my legs, I shrugged the broken limbs of the tree from my own and moved to stand under a nearby unharmed one. At this rate, I would never have marital relations with my intended wife. Instead, I'd have to research phone sex. Or cyber sex. Emmett and Rosalie had, much to my dismay, practiced both quite often when they had come into fashion, I recalled with a groan. So I definitely knew they had books on it.

Staring at shattered wood, a different kind of reality grasped my brain. I winced as I thought that had I actually taken my singer in reality to this hidden glade and engaged in similar behavior that I had imagined, I would most certainly have killed her. Witnessing the destruction around me, part of me wanted to cry as I stared at the pouring rain gulping back a mouthful of venom.

How could I convince my human of my affection and physically express it in a tangible way without killing her? How could I keep her as my wife, if I could not make love to her as an ordinary husband should? Why would she bother to stay with me if a human man could satisfy her? Regardless of my age, I was just a cold immortal boy with zero experience with women. If I could work up the gumption, I definitely intended to have to have a talk with Mary Alice. Only she would understand.

A female violet green swallow stood atop her nest that had been thrown to the ground when I knocked over the Western Hemlocks. She chirped furiously at me in outrage, and batted her wings in ire. Now in addition to being a moral degenerate, I was also on the hit list of the Olympic Peninsula Audubon society and an unknown but enraged mob of birds.

Furiously she dive bombed me pecking at my shoulders and head. Two friends joined in on the fun. I didn't want to harm her and didn't care about hurting them so much as I ducked.

"I'm sorry. It was an experiment done in the name of science," sounded silly as I pleaded with the indignant birds.

And as I was away from any glass and had neglected to bring any with me I supposed; with regret, that meant I'd have to conduct another experiment, I decided while side stepping another furious attempt by the bird. Her avian companions came to their senses once they took a good whiff of me and fled as all beasts ordinarily do from giant predators that could eradicate them with a flick of a finger. The scientific method insisted on methodological rigor, after all, my memory told me. I was working with a sample of one. Perhaps things would improve and I might actually be able to learn some control.

Jugurtha Predator tapped me on the shoulder distracting me from my meticulous experimental design: planning medically necessary experiments and t-tests. Perhaps even if I got a little wild I might perform a multiple regression or two? I side-stepped the bird again and Jugurtha tapped insistently.

"What?" I sighed, covering my face for a moment.

The female violet green swallow landed on my head and started pecking my skull repeatedly in her ire. It actually felt kind of good given my headache. I suggested if she could move a little to the left that it might hurt me more if she used more force. She eagerly complied.

"You might want to adjust your clothing."

As the smell of my ejaculated venom sparkling around me belatedly signified in my senses I leapt into the air as if struck by a lightning bolt of shame, "Oh Christ and all the saints."

This, unfortunately send the bird soaring into the heavens, and ended her attempts at massaging away my headache. At vampire speed, I unthinkingly used the pillowcase after holding it in the rain to clean and dry my exposed manly parts, and righted my clothing. I looked above at the female bird I had now dubbed, "Hitchcock" after the movie director, of course, that chirped in disgust and flew into the air in ornithological histrionics before dive bombing me again with a determined glint in her gimlet eyes.

Regret rushed through me in waves like a forest fire, as I realized I had ruined a pristine sample of my singer's scent, contaminating it with my own. Hitchcock would simply have to deal with being at the bottom of the food chain; I sniffed, ducking from another pass.

I ignored Starched Shirt Edward, who bolted from Jugurtha's cave and whined, "Oh NOW after having committed mortal sin and planning another you remember Christ and all the saints? How convenient! And I'm praying to Saint Francis over the poor animals you have shocked, offended, and displaced. Freak." Hissyfitting hypocrite.

I sighed, deflating, as life once again vindictively crashed into my world and said to Jugurtha, "I've been around my family for decades doing my best to tune out their marital relations. Despite leaving the area when they were intimate, even I know they didn't destroy things like I have when they reached their climax. And I can't blame the Quileute powers for the first venom leakage incident because Hezekiah hadn't activated them."

Jugurtha squinted, scanning me from head to toe. His right elbow rested in his left palm, and he tapped the fingers of his right hand against his chin in contemplation, "True, but that doesn't mean they didn't operate. Perhaps they are responsible for your growth in range and powers? And perhaps Hezekiah merely unlocked them to their greatest potential. He was experimenting with you, after all."

I wondered at that, "But you never saw me glow green before."

"We have not discovered what the glowing signifies; so its presence or absence has yet to be ascertained. You could have been using them at a lower level. We still don't know enough about them to make that determination without further experimentation and comparison of results." Again, this one had exceptional logic.

Starched Shirt Edward bellowed, shaking his fist at Jugurtha and me, "Oh wake up and smell the venom! That is beside the point. We have sinned. Again!" He stomped his foot on the ground in frustration.

Jugurtha snorted at Starched Shirt Edward, "This was a good thing to do. Now we know for sure that when we climax things around us get destroyed. That means that we have to find a way for that not to happen."

"Exactly," Starched Shirt Edward nodded his head for emphasis and punched the air for emphasis, "we are in agreement. We should not have any more orgasms _ever_ again. There is a simple solution to you being a weapon of mass destruction to the forest: do not abuse your body in the future in any location and that completely solves that problem. We need to go to confession. Immediately." Starched Shirt Edward snapped.

"Supposing I did go to confession, what would I tell the priest?"

"The truth, of course. To do otherwise would be dishonorable as well as a sin." He prissed.

"Bless me Father, for I have conducted research?" I couldn't help but smirk.

"Research that involved touching yourself in evil ways," his eyes slitted, his fists clenched.

"Do you perchance know of any vampire priests?" that gave him pause. "Because it would be rather tricky from a canon law perspective finding a _human_ priest and robbing him of his soul so that we could have him attend to _our_ spiritual needs."

"Balderdash! We have no need to turn a priest. We merely have to go to confession." He stared at me as if I had lost my mind. Perhaps I had.

I explained, "That would be difficult, as I might be obeying canon law, but I'd be violating Volturi law, since I could never explain this to a human."

"Render unto Ceasar....." Starched Shirt Edward sang at Jugurtha and my stony features. "A priest cannot reveal what he hears in confession," Starched Shirt Me smugly answered. "So you can honor the Volturi's wishes, and keep their secret and cleanse our soul."

"Do you want to risk an innocent priest's soul on that?" He frowned at my question.

"You could leave out the supernatural parts of it," he said in desperation.

"And lying by omission concerning full nature of the sins would mean the confession would not be valid."

Jugurtha and I made a good debate team against Starched Shirt Edward. The predator picked up the argument where I had halted, "If we are going to marry our dear little one and keep her human, we must consummate the marriage in order for it to be valid, according to Roman Catholic canon law, so says the Holy Father in this papal encyclical," Jugurtha argued ruthlessly.

Starched Shirt Edward blushed to the roots of his hair, spluttering speechless as he accepted the booklet with a beaming Pope John Paul II on the cover. I noticed Jugurtha left out the pesky detail that our marriage would most likely not be deemed valid regardless due to that irritating lack of a soul on the part of the groom issue.

Instead, Jugurtha pressed his point, "How are we currently going to validate the marriage and sanctify the union without risking not only her immortal soul but her very life? Murdering our bride would most definitely be a worse sin wouldn't you say? And not finding a way of preventing it and still marrying her would make it, given what we know, premeditated murder."

"Well, uh, we'll.....God will provide.......we'll.....well...." He had no answer as we both stared at him as he became even more flushed and broke out in a cold sweat. Starched Shirt Edward became fascinated by the wooden floorboards as he finally whispered, "We cannot hurt our dear little one. We simply cannot. We must find a way to save her soul without risking our own."

"And you might want to adjust your attire," I helpfully added. "It looks bad in front of the Blessed Mother." Shaking with confusion and embarrassment, Starch Shirt Edward shrieked in horror, and fled to clean the large stain from the pants of his suit. He'd be on the prayer bench for weeks reciting novenas, I smirked, as the library door slammed shut with a resounding thud and locked.

"That's why I have more than one outfit. He seems rather determined to stay the same in every way," Jugurtha pondered the library door philosophically.

"Perhaps I should buy him a whip for self-mortification?" I could help asking my new favorite tag-team debate partner, who laughed. My cell phone rang but I could not answer it as my body rebelled again. I heard my heart start beating and bellowed, "What now? What more do you want to take from me?" at the sky, cursing fate.

I sank to my knees by a Douglas fir tree and, falling into its welcoming boughs, let slumber overwhelm me.

Hezekiah's weathered face most definitely wore an uncomfortable expression as he sat in his chair and cleared his throat with a harrumph fiddling nervously with his pipe. "Hello there, Edward." We were sitting in the same plush chairs by a creek, this time listening to the rushing water.

"Just get it over with." I was beyond mortification at this point, I fumed.

"Son, when I told you that she would have you wrapped around her little finger, that was not quite what I had in mind. That gleam in his eye let me know to my disgust and abasement, that he knew what I had done - since he'd warned me of this before. I stared at the flowers at his feet. The silence became my best friend.

"What can I do for you today my dear friend?" 'While I writhe in shame before you' I wanted to add.

"Well son, we're a bit worried about you and your powers."

"Who's we?" I started to panic and my heart accelerated from stress. Did I have an audience for my solitary moment of auto-erotic shame?

"Oh, that's not important right now. Never you mind my slip of the tongue."

I glared at him. And glowed.

"Fine, it's my wife, and she and I have no secrets." He crossed his arms and glared.

"Your wife just observed me....doing.....um...." I cleared my throat.

"Sort of." He blushed and stared at a point above my left shoulder, "and she's been married 50 years, so nothing shocks her if it makes you feel better." Fantastic. Now I was going to be critiqued on my singular performance.

I decided to attempt to seize control of the conversation, "When you put the knowledge in my mind, is it possible that any of it leaked out?" I refused to say the word "prematurely'.

"Yes."

"So that could explain why my abilities started growing significantly more powerful after we left the tribe?"

"I've never thought of it that way. After you left I could always sense the powers in you, but I'm afraid I never really paid much attention, Edward. The tribe occupied my mind. I knew you'd come back eventually, so I didn't really watch over you during that period. I'll have to give it some more thought."

I tapped my fingers against the leather of the chair in annoyance, "My brother managed to get through the powers when I thought I was blocking him. He used his gift to influence me in a way that, had I not left, could have harmed her. How precisely did that happen? I need to understand in order to be able to protect myself if I run into an enemy with similar abilities." Well, that did make sense.

"I saw that, too, Edward. I'm mighty sorry. He broke through your shield and if you think back on it you'll remember the moment. If he could have read your emotions he never would have sent the lust at you in the first place, don't you realize? That part of your power was stronger in force at the time. He could sneak around your defenses, however, and what's bad is that you never noticed it." Hezekiah mentally replayed the incident before my mind fortunately keeping the image showing me from the shoulders up. "See right there," he pointed to a moment in time where I had been so distracted with my body I had lost focus, "That's where you slipped, see how the shield around you shimmered?"

"How can you do that with my life?" his ability bewildered me because I knew I had that power too, although I didn't know how to use it.

"You're my student. Our minds are linked. That's the only reason I can do it, and I can only see from the moment you accepted my power." Oh my gracious, for once life smiled kindly at me. He would never know all my secrets. He tapped his cane on the chair arm to get my attention.

"And Edward, this mind link is a shaman power. It won't work on your family and friends. It will only work on a student should you take one, and you and the student have to trust each other in order for it to function."

Oh, I see. It would have been interesting to use it on others; I sighed and turned my mind back to the matter at hand - my ability to hide from my emotion-sniffing sibling.

"Jasper told me that with my new powers I'm producing blood, and he can smell my emotions from it."

"I'm not even going to ask why you wouldn't want your own brother to know how you're feeling, beyond that it's none of his business, and that he's already toyed with you enough for one lifetime..." his voice trailed off, "Yes, you are producing blood for periods of time and that will affect your scent," he gasped to wave at his nose reminding me of how much we offended each other without scents.

"Surely with my blood and the powers, I still don't smell that bad to you." I didn't want to offend him by adding that he still stank with every bit of force as always.

"Well, it's not just that. It's your natural vampire scent, combined with your blood, combined with the Quileute power scent. It's confusing to my senses. If I were in wolf form, I wouldn't know if I should attack your or not."

I widened my eyes in interest at that point. It was good to know if the Quileute tribe ever did decide to acquire my head on a stick in fact that I'd have an advantage.

"Can we get back to Jasper and his powers?"

"Sure. Sorry. He won't have much success with you even with your body making blood if you don't want him to and stay focused. The powers, because they are from our line, work inherently against vampires. You can block vampire power even better than _we_ could using them because your system can tolerate that much power running through it. This does not mean it is perfect, like we saw today. But with practice, son, you could probably be a bit intimidating."

"It seems like when I focused on how awful it was to feel that way that's when I was most vulnerable to his attack. He prompted me into an emotion and then snuck through."

Now you know. Shame is a weakness you have to work on."

"So I can use a shield, but you're telling me I need to practice utilizing it so that

when I get emotionally or physically distracted it stays in operation."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. And uh, Edward."

"Yes," I sighed.

"Man to man, you are going to have to find a way of ....dealing with this in a responsible manner so that you don't hurt your little missy. She's mighty breakable compared to you."

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair then shook himself like he had emerged from a daze and adopted a matter-of-fact expression.

Desperate results create desperate vampires. I don't know why, but somehow I understood he'd keep our talk private and not visit any Quileute elder in his dreams to tattle on me. Realizing aside from Mary Alice he was the only one who appeared to know about my problem, and fortunately only_ this_ episode of it I spoke, "Vampires don't do what I do. It's not normal." I put my head in my hands.

"I know, son, I know. And we don't do that either, so it's not something I've ever seen or heard."

"If you've never heard of it, then it would be safe to say that the lore is not in the tribal knowledge that I still have not arranged in my mind?"

"Now don't go reading into my words what I did not intend. I have a human mind and simply because I had all that learning in there don't mean I could remember it all the time. You don't have that problem in terms of your noggin's capacity. You're going to have to work and concentrate to find the way to untangle them. I wish I could show you how but meditation is the only thing that worked for me. I had to teach myself."

"I see."

"So there could be a story in you mind that might be able to help. You need to figure out what causes...this destruction." From his manner, I could tell he did not know about the other incident, thank God. "And as strange as it is for me to say, you're going to have to keep um...doing what you were doing in order to figure out what you can tolerate and what you can't. And for God's sake, keep your paws off that gal when you feel frisky, and maybe just leave the room." He all but bawled that last line.

"I don't know that she even sees me the way that I see her," I hung my head as I said that.

"Lord, for all that book learning you sure can be dense as a mule. Spend more time with her, and you'll do fine. She's an interesting cross of Genevieve and Liam," he shook his head.

Tongue firmly in my cheek I said, "I think I have a grasp on Genevieve's personality. What was Liam like and how is that reflected in her?" Well, surely she couldn't overhear my visions with Hezekiah. It's not like she had the power of omniscience, otherwise we'd understand her confounding messages.

"Liam was a deep thinker. And aside from him, I've never seen anyone think as much as Bella does. She thinks even more than _you _do and that's saying something." I had no idea what to do with that. Just because someone thinks often doesn't mean they do it well, although she did plot her games masterfully when she won. With a shake of his head Hezekiah changed topics.

"Jennie and I heard you last night and this morning with your little missy, and we are both right sorry that these powers are hurting you."

He cleared his throat and his voice became soft as his eyes brimmed over with tears, "Two years after we married, my parents surprised us all and had a little boy they named Owen. They were older, and Jennie and I basically raised him. My brother lived till he was twenty and died in his sleep." He looked at me with a fierce expression wiping away the tears in a business-like manner.

"I am so deeply sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Edward. It's mighty nice of you to say that. I can still remember when the doctor told us he had passed. He left the living room and I put my head in my wife's lap and wept. And we held each other for two days before we could work up the strength to bury him. My parents had died when Owen was twelve, so fortunately, they didn't have to be around for that. The only way Jennie and I got through his service was leaning on each other, because neither one of us had the power to stand upright on our own. Do not be ashamed of crying, son. It's only natural for you to feel pain and it isn't unmanly to let it out now and then in the arms of your woman."

"Yes, sir." I stared at the ground feeling humbled. He offered me a sense of perspective.

"Ordinarily, I'd be pestering you to continue on with your search for the shaman, but I think you've got enough on your plate right now, son. You go back and get some rest. And sorry about the muscle aches and other human stuff. I had forgotten about that part. Your Dad did right in pointing out the odor - that'll leave as you get more practiced. It was the way of the shaman's to find their students. It wouldn't be helpful for you to be giving off an odor that others could track so I wanted you to know that only your Father or Mother or I can really smell it even though you probably won't be producing it for much longer. Jennie's calling me so I have to go. It's time to play peanuckle with Owen. Remember what I said, son." He vanished taking the chair with him. Both of them. My vision self floated to the ground this time.

When I awoke, the scratching of the fir boughs and the scent was the first thing I recalled. Hezekiah's conversation reminded me that I had to be more responsible. Staring around me at the destruction I first gathered up the leaves and dirt that contained my venom. Then I burned it. I couldn't have some immortal stumble upon the scene and catch my scent and know what I had done. Once it was ashes, I put out the fire.

During the twenty minutes I had been asleep, my phone had recorded a message from Father and one from Mary Alice. They were panicking because Jasper using my cell phone could not locate me. Well, at least some of my powers worked, even when I was unconscious, I thought. I called Father first and told him I had been hunting with my phone off, and had fallen asleep, and had just awakened. That was the truth with judicious editing. After asking after my welfare, he requested I return home immediately. I told him I'd be there shortly, and ended the call.

Then I turned to the bird that kept dive-bombing me through the smoke, as I had attempted to sound calm for my Father. "I'm sorry. Will you let me move your nest to a safer location?"

At my feet, Hitchcock landed beside her nest, and frantically paced in front of her clutch of eggs.

With Hitchcock standing on my head, beak at the ready, I warned her, "I intend on climbing up that Sitka Spruce right over there. Does that tree look like a good location to you?"

She seemed to find it adequate to her needs. Feeling pious, I lifted the bird nest into my arms and carefully climbed, followed by the frantic mother. I placed the nest in an area she seemed to find appropriate and apologized again to her in as gentlemanly a manner as possible. She nodded her beak at me, grumbling.

I climbed down to the ground and replanted the trees that I could and destroyed the ones I could not. From her new perch, she watched and chirped encouragement in morbid fascination as I did my utmost to repair the environment from the fruits of my sins. I left Hitchcock an "I'm sorry for destroying your home with the force of my orgasm" gift of insects I captured and killed on her behalf at the edge of her nest. In fact, the same cricket that had distracted me from Vision Sexually Sated Bride was the first offering in the pile.

Hitchcock glowered at me, and chirped a time or two in thanks, as I climbed away with repentance in my eyes. I could tell from the way she behaved that I was growing on her and would be forgiven. Hunting for her had been a nice gesture. And I felt I did need to make amends. I truly felt ashamed that I somehow managed to not even be able to masturbate like a normal vampire should. Only someone as unlucky as I could attempt to do something so perverse, yet simple, and manage to wreck chaos and destruction as a result.

Fifteen minutes later, I scrutinized the scene with satisfaction. Unfortunately, I'd have to hide the pillow case, as I couldn't bring it back into the house in an obvious manner. My brothers, the bastards, would never let me hear the end of it. And I had been using my Quileute powers this time, so I knew Mary Alice would not be able to see what I had done, thank God.

I couldn't return home with my clothing wearing this much of my scent. And I most certainly didn't feel like breaking into some random home and taking a shower and stealing clothes. I decided to take care of that whole 'smelled like I'd orgasmed' issue by swimming part of the way home. The ocean water would definitely get the venom out of all fabric.

Sadly, the pillow case was ruined, which prevented it from being included in my growing collection of pristine samples. Returning home smelling of the sea and fish definitely would catch everyone off guard. Since Father had wanted me back as quickly as possible, I justified the swim, despite knowing it would destroy the cell phone. I had another at home. And the reek of the ocean's brine would be the first step in my vengeance against my meddling brothers. They had no idea of what was going to hit them by the time I finished. Revenge was, after all, a dish best served cold.

I ran back with a spring in my step trying to retain my optimism. If I was going to court my human, I'd have to develop control when aroused. And like they say, practice makes perfect. I definitely planned on practicing on my human. To perfection. Once I figured out how to control that whole shattering glass and destroying everything around me in the midst of an orgasm while causing earthquakes business.

It was good, after all, to have goals. I intended on making my Fake Girlfriend my Real Wife as soon as inhumanly possible. No matter what I had to sacrifice to achieve that result, I was going to marry my Fake Girlfriend if it killed me. Really.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, Mary Alice has a bit of a temper. And she showed that she would go to great lengths to keep Edward's secret - even from her own mate. Emmett and Jasper have their heads handed to them, metaphorically speaking, of course. Frightened by Jasper and Emmett's prank, Edward is motivated to conduct historical ground-breaking scent-tantic research, for moral purposes, while lurking in the bushes, with earth shattering results.**

**AN: I had several people beta this chapter, one of whom is a practicing psychologist who specializes in men with sexual disorders. Edward, keep in mind, is extremely repressed. The only way that he could envision Bella in a sexual way for an extended period of time was to imagine her as his bride. And this creates a problem for him. In addition to the guilt he feels at nearly killing her, at having to sacrifice his dignity to conduct, ahem, research, his mind is racing ahead to contemplating marriage with her when he has yet to figure out how to have a conversation with her, much less ask her out on a Real Date. The fact that he actually took the steps that he did, again, is a huge step for Edward because although he's still thinking of her as his human, he's now experimenting much to his discomfort, to ensure her safety. **

**Please review, Starched Shirt Edward needs some love. Jugurtha, too. Jugurtha says it drives him nuts.  
**


	25. HOD pt 14 Fantasms, Fantasies, &Families

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. So There.**

**Many thanks to my validating beta vjgm.**

**Fantasy Mother, thanks for amazing beta skills. **

**This chapter goes out to Monksmama, Edward is a hot old man, Tapiana, Nethead97, MilitzaG, and Viridis73. Thanks for making me laugh. Now it's my turn.  
**

**Our story so far: Edward conducted, ahem, research, for scientific purposes only, that resulted in earth shattering results as far as his "scent"-ance with his singer. His brother Jasper's gift helped spark Edward's scientific curiosity as he beamed lust at him as a joke. In the last chapter, Jasper and Emmett had their heads handed to them by their outraged spouses and parents. The wrath of payback has only just begun. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Fourteen – Phantasms, Families, and Fantasies**

A real earthquake occurred five minutes after my experiment. Thanks to my calculations of the seismic activity in the area I had known where it would happen and had planned accordingly. No human would suspect anything untoward. Now I simply had to ensure my family stayed ignorant. I had an image to maintain. I stopped for a sip or two of deer and returned back to the house without doing any other deviant activities now that I understood my brothers had been influencing me.

From Mt. Baker National Forest, I sprinted to Meadowville and swam Puget Sound to Port Ludlow underwater at vampire speed to escape detection and avoid harming boats. Because of the orcas that were prevalent in the area and, I must admit, my own malice, I swam the distance close to the bottom. It had the additional advantage of putting me into contact with more of the pollution that spoiled the water, especially the heavy metals. From there it was a quick hundred mile jaunt home again at vampire speed so no human noticed the odd sight of me clumping around with wet clothing carrying a drowned cell phone. The speed of my feet ensured my clothes dried before I reached the house. They fortunately reeked of brine, fish, pesticides, fertilizer, cattle manure, motor oil, gasoline, with a top note of human excrement. Perhaps I ran through a newly fertilized organic farm field or two on the way home; Father had asked me to hurry and I couldn't help it if these Quileute powers impacted my balance causing me to fall and roll a time or six. Nor could I help it if I tripped and landed inside a dumpster outside of a cafeteria, coating me with human food smells.

I most certainly had demonstrated dedication and patience over the past seventy-five years. And I felt that those attributes would be well used in schooling my brothers. Upon the sight of the house, decades of acting permitted me to stuff away the feelings of satisfaction and emit a combination of embarrassment, anger, fear and confusion. While doing that it would also rub salt in the wound if I beamed my adoration for her into that emotional miasma that I had prepared to serve my wayward sibling. Jasper would be beside himself. He forgot the principle that you never toy with the quiet ones, because everyone always overlooks them, I sniffed. If he wanted to play I was more than capable of elevating my game. I'd been doing it effortlessly for years. Idiots.

Fixing my emotions for the ideal combination to send my empath brother into orbit I sped through the back yard. Hearing my singer in the house, I couldn't bear to be parted from her side any longer, and that bothered me to no end. It simply wouldn't do for me to turn her into my Achilles' heel, particularly since my brothers almost had me kill her earlier. I had to demonstrate to my family, aside from leaving the house, that I had sufficient control of my appetite. But first, my miscreant brothers required my inattention.

Emerging from the forest I leapt across the river to the back yard, beaming my best to baffle my brother once I entered his range. Walking through the kitchen door, I dashed to the laundry room and stuffed the linens I had left in a basket before them and the now soiled-in-more-ways-than-one pillow case in the washer. Starting the machine, I remembered watching my Mother utilize it to clean my singer's clothing when she was in the hospital. Feeling proud of myself, I even added the correct amount of detergent and non-chorine bleach. I could, after all, learn new things. And just in case the chemicals did not work in masking the odor – I mean results -- of my research on venom leakage, I added my jacket to the load. That would certainly throw off suspicion although it might possibly ruin the sheets. It took decades of brilliant acting to create my reputation. I could easily buy Mother more sheets. The stench emanating from my clothing could not rival that of the werewolves, but it approached that level of noisomeness. My heart wasn't beating but my eyes felt like they wanted to water from my aria of disgusting aromas.

Jasper and Emmett both emerged from their respective apologizing-profusely-to-enraged-spouse-at-vampire-pitch-while-entertaining-the-oblivious-human-battles. They proceeded to search for me for a repeat performance in groveling at vampire pitch in a minor key. Given the fetid aroma wafting from the kitchen both experienced trackers had abundant clues to my location. To cover my unusual interest in laundry, I cleaned the wooden wall-mounted kitchen cabinets, the top of them that Mother was too short to reach near the ceiling. By my brothers' startled perceptions, I knew the odor from my clothes had wafted towards them now. With malicious glee carefully masked by my emotional mix of bewilderment and anger- in honor of Jasper of course - I tracked the thoughts in the house as each vampire registered it one by one.

I maintained composed features when Rosalie thought to herself, _"God it smells like rotten fish. We can't feed that to Bella. I'm going to have to go ask Mother what she's cooking for dinner. No, that's more than rotten fish. What the heck is that god-awful stench? Do we have a leak in the sewer line?" _

Thinking I had lost it again, both of my brothers warily entered the kitchen, approaching me like one would a rabid boar._ "God Rosie was right he's gone bonkers again just like she said he would,"_ Emmett thought as he stared at me cleaning,_ "he's never smelled that bad before. It's almost as bad as the wolves." _Discipline kept my features smooth my emotions befuddled and wounded. Mary Alice's nose twitched and she kept her thoughts to herself as she prattled with my singer.

"Um, Edward, you're standing on the cabinet Mother uses to prepare human food."

"Indeed I am, Emmett. How observant of you. Could you please fetch the disinfectant from under the kitchen counter?" I continued to clean the dust from the top with a cloth. I used Jasper's baffled mind to watch my burly brother study me scratching his head. He pondered pouring the entire bottle over my head. Jasper thought, _"My wife is going to kill me, we've driven him mad. Edward can you hear me?"_ I, of course, ignored both immortals.

"Buddy, why don't you come down from there so we can talk?" Emmett cautiously opened the counter door and held out the bottle of disinfectant like it was a lure for a dumb animal.

Preoccupied, I said, "In a moment, I'm cleaning the part that Mother can't reach." I added an extra tone of earnestness and determination. Both worked like a charm. Mother's thoughts beamed.

Her voice floated down the staircase as she said, "What an amazing young man he even helps me with chores as he has done consistently for over seven decades without me ever having to ask him."

Reading their thoughts showed both worried faces were concerned because I was normally fastidious and their eyes smarted at the malodorous perfume I innocently wore. I had kept my back to them the entire time to amp up their discomfort. And because I am a complete bastard I started humming off key. It worried my parents and I momentarily regretted that in the back of my mind but my brothers deserved this. I had to protect my singer from further interference. And they had made Mother cry. Payback in this case felt morally appropriate. Starched Shirt Edward particularly said so considering what they made us do.

"Carlisle what is that odor, we can't have Bella smelling it?" Mother said at vampire pitch fretting about which one of us had befouled the house as she went to investigate.

Father thought, _"Edward, I suspect you are about to have fun with your brothers. You have my blessing as they have earned your wrath. Just show prudence."_ I had the most wonderful vampire Father of them all. He gave me permission to mentally torture my siblings. Out loud he said, "I think it might be Edward."

Regretting his promise to Father, Jasper halted his initial foray to calm my emotions. Looking like he'd swallowed a hot poker he confessed, "We played a practical joke on you earlier, and we wanted to apologize." Jasper scrutinized me once I deigned to look at him. Practical joke? Horsefeathers. There was nothing _practical_ about having me nearly slaughtering my human or risking harming my family. Morons. Concentrating intently, I beamed hurt confusion at him, hiding my ire, Quileute shield firmly in place, without feeling a hint of shame. And gracious, I did it without glowing although my headache was worsening. Who knew?

Eloquently Emmett said, "Uh yeah. Sorry, Edward."

The mouth-watering-in-all-the-wrong-ways stench from my clothing danced with hobnailed boots across Jasper's nostrils and he finally broke emitting confusion, "What in heaven's name have you done to yourself now Edward?" Jasper blurted, losing his composure.

"Done? Aside from hunting I can't think of anything that should cause you to gape at me in that manner." Ok, I totally lied there, but he bought my befuddled expression since I genuinely had no idea why he was gawping at me in that manner. I could tell from his jumbled thoughts something about my appearance rather than my _smell _caused him and now Emmett consternation as they stared fixedly at me waving hands in front of their noses before they caught themselves acting unmanly and stopped. You would think I reeked like a wolf, the ninnies. I leapt from the cabinet, guardedly snatched the disinfectant from Emmett and cleaned the countertop where once my feet had stood.

"Edward, your face." Emmett reached towards me.

Backing up a step I said, "What about my face, Emmett?" I held the bottle of disinfectant between us like a shield before a dragon.

"You have stubble and your hair is longer by a millimeter." He breathed in a horrified tone. "Father!" he bellowed at human pitch in a panic as if I had done the vampire equivalent of having a heart attack, disemboweling myself, or both. Reading his mind indicated that, for once, he was serious.

The bottle seemed to slip through my hands as Jasper caught it. I reached my fingers up to my jaw and, sure enough, Emmett was telling the truth. Hair grew on humans at 12.72 millimeters a month, and in terms of growth mine had just doubled in length from what it should have if I were a normal human. My fingers encountered stubble along my chin, cheeks, and upper lip. Words escaped me. I kept patting my face like it would disappear at any moment like the heartbeat. And I pinched myself for good measure. I had just managed to out-masculine both brothers. No wonder they gaped. I should conduct research more often. How did I not notice this?

"That's easy; you were too busy touching parts of yourself that you should keep your hands off of. Deviant." Starched Shirt Edward emerged wearing stubble like a scarlet letter an old book clutched in his trembling hand. "Look what you've done. The nuns were right!" he wailed. "Next, thanks to YOU we'll be _blind_!!" Starched Shirt Edward sank to the ground with his hands over his head and frantically started chanting the Act of Contrition in Latin. He had difficulty completing that particular prayer as he hyperventilated mid-way through, dropping his book on the floor.

Jugurtha emerged from his cave wearing jeans, a white t-shirt, and a calm expression over his own stubble. He gently smacked Starched Shirt Edward across the shoulders to encourage proper respiration and lifted him by the scruff of his neck until he stood of his own accord, handing him back his book. It seemed to aid in calming the poor fellow. We followed him back into the library. Starched Shirt Edward held out his book like a key piece of evidence in a trial shrilling, "This book dates from 1712 and even back then they knew the truth!" The volume he held was entitled Onania; The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution, and all its Frightful Consequences. Jugurtha rolled his eyes.

"The nuns said that hair would grow from our hands not from our face. Otherwise every single man on earth, including Christ himself – he pointed at the bearded picture of Jesus that adorned the library wall, would show signs of that sin."

"Oh. Well Christ was certainly not behaving like _that_."

"Exactly." I nodded, agreeing with my debate partner, "and the data in your hand is far too old. Science has failed to demonstrate any physical harm from our, ahem, research subject. Here's a volume," I reached over Starched Shirt Edward's shoulder and handed him a thin book, "from Alfred Kinsey from 1958 you should read that challenges your author. This must have something to do with the Quileute powers. We'll have to wait and gather more data."

"No. Absolutely not. We are NOT going back to that place to self-fornicate."

I wondered if that was even a word. So, too, did Jugurtha as we started at Starched Shirt Edward who clutched his rosary, white knuckled, peering around in paranoia as if thunderbolts from an outraged God would strike us all any second.

"It's too bad we can't eat, I need Graham crackers right now!" he wailed.

"Graham crackers were invented by idiots to aid young men in resisting their improper urges," Jugurtha informed me. "Now they are used on toddlers to calm them while teething."

Science indeed. Conducting this research had certainly been, well, difficult. Any reservations I had about it I threw to the wind to dig at Starched Shirt Edward for the beauty of the act. I'd feel guilty in the privacy of my own mind later.

"You know you have an awfully filthy mind," my tone mild, Starched Shirt Edward gawked at my word.

"I, the pure innocent virginal one who has kept you company all these years despite your numerous sins, have a filthy mind?"

"Yes, when I said gather more data, I simply meant that Father will be running medical tests on me. I planned on assisting him in examining the samples we take to see if there exists any noticeable change in my physiology regarding the wolf powers. You, on the other hand, had to make it sexual and immoral. Explain yourself." Jugurtha and I left the library walking to our usual spot.

Red-faced and shaking, Starched Shirt Edward turned on his heel and marched away without a word. He slammed the library door just because he could. Pontificating Peeping Tom. Off in my own little world, I barely noticed the others around me. Jasper snapped his fingers in front of my face and had the good sense to not frighten my human by shouting. He did, however use quite some force at vampire pitch when he barked, "He seems to be fading in and out again. But I can't hear his heart, so that has to be a good sign."

I blinked at him as if waking up. "What?"

Carlisle burst into the kitchen followed by a frantic Mother. They both halted feet from me and joined my foolish siblings in studying me like an animal in a zoo, swallowing at my scent. We might be soulless demons, but Mother insisted on manners at all times.

Rosalie and Mary Alice stayed with my human watching movies. I heard my singer express consternation about Emmett's welfare. "Oh don't be concerned, he's always bellowing for someone around here, now why did you like that movie?" Rosalie dazzled.

"Edward, my word," Carlisle examined my face, gulping at my stench, "Let's get you upstairs and bathed appropriately and I want to do an immediate exam." He glared at Emmett and Jasper, "You two can conclude your discussion with him when I'm finished. This is more important." My brothers followed me up the stairs as if I would sprout wings and other appendages any second or spout tiny demons from my mouth that breathed fire.

Rosalie and Mary Alice had closed the door of the living room to keep her out of hearing range in case Emmett had any future verbal exclamations and we kept our conversations at vampire pitch frequency. Taking what was now my third shower of the day, I used my Parent's bathroom. It took quite a while to scrub the fetid smells off of me to my satisfaction. And I couldn't help it but the devil in me prodded me to misbehave. Had my singer not been present I would have been tempted to leave my hair reeking for the sheer beauty of the act to throw everyone into a tizzy. Jugurtha loved the idea. But I had to smell good for her; he pointed out, because it was only fair after all. She certainly smelled phenomenal to me. Besides, I couldn't hold her in my arms if my fragrance repulsed her. The Real Me was repulsive enough, in truth.

Once I deemed the filth removed, I changed into fresh clothing provided by my sneaky Mother. She had pretended to get dirty clothing from my room, complaining loudly in a sweet tone as she walked down the staircase that I needed to remember to pick up my clothes from my closet floor. Mother felt that my human was adequately convinced of our 'we're just like any other human family aside from chomping on animals, that is' role. Considering I had always kept my room in pristine condition, my sisters giggled at Mother. Much to my satisfaction my singer said, "If Edward's closet is messy, your Mom would totally hate mine."

"What do you mean?" Rosalie prompted. It was rare that my singer started a conversation.

"Well everything in there is perfect looking. Even all his shoes are polished."

My singer liked my shoes. And my closet. Father's cold hand on my face distracted me from monitoring her welfare as he encouraged me to walk to his examination room.

My brothers and Mother paced outside. Mary Alice frantically kept trying to read my future but the wolf powers said nothing about facial hair or other complaints. Father kept a small examination room in the advent of a human emergency. Given her talent for attracting mayhem, he had fully stocked it. And we stored additional equipment in the attic and basement. Father had me strip to my boxers. "Edward, have you noticed anything unusual lately?"

Mentally I thought to myself, 'Aside from emitting green light at inconvenient times, being followed around by a spirit of a dead Quileute, having orgasms that shatter glass and the peculiar ability to cause earthquakes, and produce blood, feeling increasingly territorial of my human, and having a random heartbeat, and weeping real tears and destroying forests I have no idea what you mean. Oh and experiencing horrifying visions, too.'

Instead I said, "I have been falling asleep and having visits with Hezekiah. I think I'm dreaming, too. My heart starts and stops at morning and night but also at random times."

"How often have you fallen asleep when away from the house?"

"I was late returning home because I fell asleep while hunting. I woke up to find a raccoon glaring at me." That was the truth, sort of. "So I swam back to make up for lost time. I apologize for my delay. I think I need a new phone," I held out the drowned corpse of my dead one, "and my emotions seem out of control at times. I have almost had to double my blood intake, have muscle and back aches after running and headaches off and on. I run faster than I've ever been able to and I'm producing blood and smell like it. Now I have stubble."

Mentally Father said, _"I see, that doesn't explain how you happened to trip into what smells like rotten human food. Jokester. They deserve it."_

"Have you learned any more about these powers Hezekiah gave you?" he asked.

"I still don't quite understand much of anything that I can do." Ok, I totally sort of deceived my family there, but I really did not fully comprehend the extent of my abilities and at present wouldn't admit to all of them anyway. So I had the moral high ground with my idiot brothers listening in. Father sensed my reticence and mentally said, _"Have you talked with Hezekiah about all that you can do?"_

I nodded.

"_Has he explained the full extent of your powers to you?"_

I shook my head 'no'. Father covered by taking a sample of venom from my mouth.

"Tell him what you did last night in the cave." Jasper suggested interrupting our dialogue. At times being in this family proved odd. Despite standing alone with Father in a private room, we acted as if we all were in fact facing each other – well at least nonverbally with our tone of voice. I had no desire to stand in my underclothing in front of my brothers, sisters, or Mother, thank you very much. They had never seen me like this, a practice I intended on continuing. Forever.

Starched Shirt Edward snarked from the prayer bench, "But you have absolutely no problem exposing yourself to harmless raccoons, birds, and martyred crickets while frolicking and self-fornicating through national parks. It's good to see you have _some_ standards left. Pervert."

Ignoring the weasel, I addressed my family. With an offhand tone I remarked, "I used them to strip Gregory Clearwater of the ability to spend eternity with his ancestors."

"I'm sorry?" Carlisle indicated his confusion.

Tapping my forehead with a finger I said, "It is the worst punishment in the tribe's knowledge base." Father and Mother seemed startled.

Emmett said, "It really was kind of cool. He showed us Clearwater's memories about the murders of Ephraim, Larry, Hezekiah, and Lee." Father remembered his dismay at hearing Emmett explain about their deaths the night before when I had been otherwise occupied.

"I see that Gregory Clearwater will most likely expire soon from a heart attack considering his temper," for the first time I failed to hear compassion in his voice. Father continued his exam asking me, "What else?"

"Beyond that, Hezekiah is confused as well."

He asked the question I was dreading, "Have your other powers been impacted since Hezekiah's first visit?"

"It's difficult to say. I've noticed only a sharpening in focus when I'm reading minds. It's like everything is clearer. Hezekiah told me I inherited a "pet" that he won't identify, that causes that through a mental link." I thought throwing in the pet was a nice touch as a distraction. Emmett envisioned a Godzilla sized wolf tromping through the forest.

"Lord, Edward are we going to have some freaky glowing green giant wolf hanging around the house reeking? What other kind of pet could there be?" Emmett complained.

"I don't know. Tradition forbids him to explain further. He said she will show herself to me if she chooses."

"She?" Jasper asked.

"That's all I know." I wanted to turn the question away from my abilities. And technically I had not lied to my Father; I had noticed no recent change beyond what I indicated in the powers he knew about.

Emmett blurted, "Man Edward I'm wondering what you did in a past life?"

"Pardon me?" It took work to keep my emotions even, my face calm, shield firmly in place.

"Look at the past few weeks, a singer pops up out of nowhere and now you're all twitterpated over her, and all this strange stuff has happened to you in the past 24 hours and now all of us are having visions. I'd say we have our hands full. Life around here with you has certainly not been boring."

"I'm sorry."

Jovially, he continued, "You should get out more often, meet new people. Get new hobbies besides attracting Native American phantasms and Bella's grumpy Grandma." Genevieve was so going to pay him back for that comment, I'm delighted to say.

Jasper acidly retorted, "Because we clearly need more excitement in our lives at present?"

Emmett felt bad for his insensitivity considering the pain of some recent visions. "Oh, man, sorry."

Alone in the room with Father, I dressed as his examination concluded. Father said, "These symptoms are peculiar. I have not examined you since you were a newborn. We'll compare samples of your venom and see if we can detect any differences with the old data." That seemed like common sense. "If I find anything unusual, we'll conduct further testing. And given the activity in your heart, we need to sneak you to the hospital and do an MRI. Although it would be ideal if it were working at the time…." His thoughts only showed concern for my emotional state. I hated having to lie to them all, but I couldn't admit all my symptoms. Then they'd really know how much of a liar I was. And then they might possibly wonder what else I'd omitted.

I'd have to run my own tests, and they would expect nothing different from me, Jugurtha reminded me in his usual practical manner. Part of me wanted to keep the stubble for eternity. I definitely didn't want to shave.

Jugurtha swatted the back of my head as I touched my face, "Oh, mercy. Pardon me." He appeared contrite.

"I'm busy at present," I told him in my mind.

"You have to shave."

"Whatever for? This will help with my illusion of being human." Mike Newton couldn't grow stubble like this. Jacob Black, either.

"Because you did not have stubble this morning when you woke up in her arms."

"What of it? Human men's beards do grow at different rates."

"Agreed. But there's also the issue that if you touch your face to hers in your current condition, you would scratch her delicate skin and cause discomfort and a rash. In her weakened state it could become infected." She had already terrified me enough for one century with this pneumonia business. We couldn't have her getting ill again. My pitiful heart couldn't take it. With her bad luck she'd develop flesh-eating staph infections.

Father opened the study door and Emmett and Jasper burst in like impatient children waiting in line.

At the idea of giving up quality-singer-pressed-against-my-facial-flesh-time I yelped aloud, "I need to shave immediately." Father and my brothers nodded.

Emmett baldly asked, "Edward did you ever shave in your human life?"

"I don't recall." I wasn't going to admit I had not even if that were the case. I sincerely did not remember. I had to defend my masculinity since I couldn't tell them about my talent at shaking the earth. And I definitely planned on doing that just as soon as I figured out how to shave. Defending my masculinity that is. My lips were staying shut on all other matters.

"Edward, we'll walk you through doing it; unless you want one of us to do it for you?" he added helpfully elbowing Jasper who continued to gawp. "Man cut it out before you affect the whole house," he chided Jasper for his concern.

"I can manage, but thank you." I kept an even tone. First I needed babysitting to hunt, then they drive me away in a lust-crazed state nearly causing me to kill my human and destroy the local ecosystem while strangling my manly parts and _now_ they want to hold a razor to my throat? I think not. I wasn't turned yesterday.

Mother said, "Jasper, please collect shaving supplies from our bathroom for your brother." Using the sink in the examining room and directions printed from , one would think we performed neurosurgery. Jasper and Emmett debated over whether or not I should "shave up" or "shave down" for effective hair removal. They were so intent on their opposing views; one could also have thought they debated the Reformation rather than my face. The two of them squabbled so much that Carlisle kicked them out of the room and stepped back to give me space so I could perform the procedure in peace.

Scraping the razor across my flesh felt odd, almost human. It made me think of those dreams I had been having the ones I tried to push away of a family life with my singer. Of doing this every morning with her watching with a smile while brushing her teeth. Or better yet of her doing it for me on special occasions. Shaving that is. Skip the brushing my teeth part. That could be awkward. And deadly.

Starched Shirt Edward sniped, "We've had enough of those sinful thoughts for one day, deviant. Focus on not embarrassing yourself in front of your family." Occasionally the mincing prudish little professor helped.

Twenty minutes later my skin was appropriately exfoliated and bare of facial hair. Wistfully, I wondered if I'd ever have to repeat this odd practice. Compared to the emotions that stampeded through me when my heart started and stopped - this was a cakewalk. Just because it took an average mortal ten minutes to shave didn't mean there was anything wrong with me. I wanted to be complete. Sure.

I couldn't have my face harm hers. My teeth were bad enough. We couldn't scratch her skin. We couldn't wait to test our shaving efficacy on a skin sample, mind you. Father had stocked extra antibiotics just in case. Of a relapse that is, not my research, thank the sweet Lord on high.

Father put his hand on my upper arm and squeezed, "We'll get through this son." I nodded.

"Mother, do you mind if I finish the cabinets?" I knew from their thoughts they all expected me to dash for my bedroom. I had to keep them on their toes. I had to prove she didn't control me. And I had to make a show of not being obvious in smelling her fragrance that drifted through the house. I could be subtle. I had decades of practice. I could show discipline. Sort of. When I wasn't destroying national forests with the force of my orgasm.

She nodded and I left with my brothers nipping at my heels.

"Edward we meant to talk to you earlier and were sidetracked." Emmett began as I jumped on the cabinet again with a damp cloth moving to another side of the kitchen. The dust here was considerably worse.

I decided to be a gentleman about it and simply nodded while they talked, moving to another set of cabinets. Emmett sprayed the countertops that I had touched with disinfectant and waited the 90 seconds I instructed him to before he and Jasper started wiping the chemical from the now clean cabinets. Mother laughed mentally from upstairs _"Edward you've found a wonderful way to get them back. I'm feeling positively inspired by you." _

When they were finished with their explanation and after they had launched into pleas concerning my ineffective romantic behavior towards my singer I waited until they stopped speaking to lie, "I accept your apology," hopped to the floor, and walked away without a word as they cleaned the rest of the cabinets in silence.

Mother said from her study, "Emmett and Jasper, since you have been so helpful lately, I think I can put you to good use. Please change the linens on every bed in the house except Edward's since he's been thoughtful enough to see to that himself." They both mentally groaned saying, "Yes Mother." They dashed around the house at vampire speed carrying out the task. As they placed the loads of linens on the floor in front of the washer Mother decided they required further instruction. How I loved her so.

"We're probably going to have to spend some extra time getting the odor from the sheets that are in the washer, but I'm sure you are up to the challenge," she soothed. Also, I need you to collect Edward's dirty clothing from our bathroom and scour it so that the odor is no longer in the room using bleach."

Mentally both brothers grumbled about their stupidity.

Mother continued eagerly, "And of course, we'll need to spend extra energy with your poor brother's clothes to ensure they are clean. Oh and while you're at it, I think you can empty the hampers in every bedroom of laundry and do that as well. Certainly it's time you all learned. And practice makes perfect." Emmett and Jasper gulped at the idea of approaching our parents' reeking room.

Rosalie positively gushed at vampire frequency, "Mother, I think what you are suggesting is brilliant. Emmett, our lingerie is washed by hand. I know you and Jasper are going to have so much fun doing that since that's the closest to our bodies you're going to be getting for the next seven days." Both brothers mentally shuddered. Shouting aloud that I loved Rosalie for torturing Emmett with the scent of her undergarments would have been inappropriate, and probably confusing, so I kept my lips from smirking only through excessive self-control. And I must admit I tried to wipe the mental image of my sisters' bodily fluids and their impact on anyone from my mind. Ew. Even I had limits.

Mother said, "Thank you Rosalie for reminding me about that. We'll be offering you an advanced course in laundry. Because I am charmed to see your newfound appreciation of housework, Emmett and Jasper, I promise to keep you two scamps busy with this new hobby for the immediate future."

Mentally Emmett swore words to the effect translated through my vulgarity filter of "golly gee willakers," and Jasper's mentioned lots of "hellfire and tarnation".

Vampires couldn't turn paler, but both did a great impression of blanching as Mother continued, "You both will," she chirped with delight, "most definitely learn how to cook human food as well on your list of talents because you both are going to be my new assistants in the kitchen. Rosalie is relieved of that duty for the present."

Now Rosalie was actually irritated about that fact because much to my surprise she wanted to supervise my human's diet to encourage her to gain weight. That was stranger than all my new powers combined. Her vision with Vera clearly was impacting her. I wondered when it would wear off. I'd have to protect my singer as best I could. We couldn't have Rosalie hurting her feelings by faking affection. That would be so wrong.

Mother's entertaining lecture continued, "Since you have lots of free time on your hands its important you learn the fine art of cooking human food to make sure you can "pass" in society." My Mother was evil in the right kind of way, I thought with a smile. She could give Genevieve a run for her money.

I decided I could now see my human. She and my sisters studied schoolwork quietly. My singer used my laptop, while Rosalie sat at my desk, and Mary Alice perched beside my human on the bed.

I entered the room, "Hello, how are you all this afternoon," noting the day's end approached in amazement. It seemed like just moments ago I had awakened in her arms.

To my relief, she emerged from the clutches of my harpy-like fashion fascist siblings wearing the warm sweater I had purchased and her jeans as she sat on our bed. Despite numerous bouts of coughing, her lungs improved by the hour.

My human glanced up briefly from the laptop keyboard and smiled, "Fine. Do you mind if I borrow your laptop?"

I smiled, "A little late asking now aren't we? What if I had secrets loaded on there?" I teased her.

"Then I'd do my best to avoid telling the entire school about your evil vice."

"Which one?" Starched Shirt Edward snapped at me.

We stilled, wondering what she had learned on my laptop.

Emmett said from downstairs over the washer, "Damn Edward did she find you porn stash?" He and Jasper chortled. Mother chastised, "Gentleman, language." And they simultaneously muttered, "Sorry, Mother."

"That would be difficult as I don't have one as you well know," I retorted at vampire pitch. Bastards. I didn't look at porn. It demeaned and objectified women. And I had newly acquired feminist thinking, I sneered. Besides, everyone knew that Victoria's Secret catalogues were definitely not pornographic. And they contained essentials my singer required. I had to prepare to clothe her appropriately once we were married. Human women needed boy shorts, too. And lacy nightgowns that appropriately covered their flesh. She required a trousseau. For us.

Starched Shirt Edward agreed and sniped, "There they go again with their sinful thoughts. We do not look at naked pictures."

Jugurtha Predator stared from one of us to the other in wonder and said, "Speak for yourself, I have every catalog picture memorized, astute vision, and an excellent imagination." He refrained from mentioning my mental objectification of my singer earlier today as did Starched Shirt Edward who I suspect had decided to go into denial and pretend it never happened. Imbecile.

Rosalie's mental voice distracted me from my inner dialogue, _"Edward now would be a good time to reply to Bella. You've let the silence become awkward." _Oh right. They stared at me like I had something strange on my nose. I know I had wiped the shaving cream off completely, although I could not help doing a quick sweep with my hand along my lower face pretending to stroke my chin.

"I apologize; I let my thoughts get away from me. So what terrible thing did you learn about my evil nature?" 'That you could prove' I wanted to add.

"This is gossip gold. You're going to have to work harder for it, buster." She had the audacity to say.

I moved to sit on the bed's edge beside her. "Please, pretty please tell me what you discovered today about me?" I batted my eyes at her and breathed on her a time or two.

"Fine. Since you asked nicely. I think the school would be horrified to know you have Englebert Humperdink in your collection. That's almost as bad as having Donnie and Marie Osmond." She smiled taking the sting out of her comment. My sisters had purchased that for me as a gift, decades ago. It would have been rude to return it. I had transferred it to a sound file that I liked to play to torture Emmett from time to time.

What she was not mentioning I noticed were the songs by Liberace, Judy Garland, and the anthem "It's Raining Men" that Emmett had also added after the last time I had a human male try to make a pass at me.

Emmett and Jasper blurted from their respective chores something that translated as, "You need to clear up the confusion that you are not homosexual right now."

Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. I had evolved with time. I could change in my biases. I had adopted feminism after all. It would simply be inconvenient for our "scent"-antic romance for her to have that assumption concerning my sexuality. I couldn't have her confused, at least on that issue.

"Oh Bella, we gave that to him as a gag gift. He's too polite to throw it away," Rosalie laughed. Now she covered for me? My sister grew stranger with every passing moment. I wondered if my powers affected her as well?

Mary Alice added, "When we were at our old school in Alaska, a guy made a pass at Mr. Oblivious here, and we had to bring it to his attention." That was technically incorrect. I had been completely aware of his thoughts _being a mind reader and all _and simply elected to ignore them. My family made the assumption that I was an idiot and intervened, much to my dismay. She continued, "Since Edward is so shy, Emmett had to inform the forlorn suitor that Edward was not gay. Emmett and Jasper added the play list as a way of teasing him about it as a reminder for him to talk more often." She stared at me noticeably. I looked at the ground doing the vampire equivalent of squirming like I sat on a mountain of hungry ants.

"_Now would be the time to make some eye contact to make it convincing Edward,"_ Rosalie chided mentally.

Glancing at my human I said, "I'll have to show you the rest of my musical collection now that you are awake and hope I rise in your esteem in regards to my taste." I pointed to the wooden hand-made cabinet Mother and Emmett had designed that cleverly held my entire collection. It just wouldn't _do_ for me to walk up to her and baldly state, "By the way, I'm not homosexual." That's like walking up to someone and saying, "By the way, you know I'm not a stalker, right?" The second you bring it up, the more that person would believe it was true, otherwise, why mention it? And I wasn't good at talking in the first place. When you threw in conversing about delicate subjects with my human and my tendency to forget words in her presence my vampire mind froze in place. And this whole stereotyping people who happened to be homosexual with singular music preferences was insulting anyway. What was I to do, run out and by hard metal music? Gay people, I'm sure, enjoyed AC/DC, too.

Manhandling her to illustrate my sexual identity was rude, ungentlemanly, and therefore not an option. Groping Jessica Stanley to prove to my Fake Girlfriend that I was straight also not a viable strategy either, fortunately. And I'd eat my left testicle myself before I'd let Lauren Mallory "blow" me as she had offered to in January. I mentally curled my lip in disdain, knowing in the unlikely event I ever did something of that nature she'd crow about it to the entire school. That would be the human equivalent of letting Tanya perform oral sex: you never knew if you'd emerge with all your parts intact thanks to her infamous killing of Attila. Somehow I didn't think either bad strategy would help me. Looking at her and saying, "By the way, I'm immortal, a virgin, and have 100 times the strength of a human. If I had sexual intercourse with any human, he or she would doubtlessly die during the encounter due to that whole shattering glass and thrashing about while climaxing issue. So I'm not gay. Nor am I having heterosexual sex either. But I'd like to try one day with you after marriage of course. And if you don't mind, I'd like to kick my sisters out of the room and start practicing right now." Sighing, I decided I was back to square one. Talking. Gah!

Jasper chided to my brain – I really should call it my private line, _"Edward you are over-thinking this, I can tell from your frustration. Keep showing her you are physically interested in her while being a gentleman. I'm reading a bit of confusion from her but nothing that sets off alarm bells."_

Since I could think of nothing to say, I went over to my music collection and opened it so she could see the CD cases from her perch on the bed. I noticed her peeking at the titles while pretending to read the monitor screen. Jasper's aid reminded me all over again of why he was helping me and I grimaced at vampire speed so fast that only my sisters caught it.

Mary Alice in her mind apologized and said, _"Edward I swear to Christ I had no idea Jasper intended to use his gift on you like that earlier. I am so sorry."_

I looked at her with an expression that said "You shouldn't" and she read it accurately from her thoughts.

"_Thank you so much for believing in me and leaving the house when I asked. I don't even want to think about what could have happened had you stayed."_

I rarely made any requests of her and it went without saying that I would never impose to ask her to read the future on my behalf. She guessed that and said,_ "I saw Jasper's plan too late to stop it. With your wolf powers my ability to read you is inconsistent, I'm afraid. That's why I shouted at you to leave."_

Rosalie could guess we were silently chatting so picked up the conversational slack with my singer after sending me the mental thought, _"Edward, by the time I'm done with Emmett he's going to be the most sorry vampire on earth. He'll never do that to you again."_ She then started teasing me about my all over the place musical taste pointing out to my human the CD's from different genre's and eras. She lied prettily that she had stolen all of my Van Halen CD's.

Mary Alice paused awkwardly, _"But what they did. I have never been that angry in my life. I couldn't tell your secret and that was the only way I could make sure they'd never try it again. I will always keep my word to you."_

I smiled at her.

"_Are you ok? I know you must be so angry, too."_

I nodded 'yes' at vampire speed. It angered me that in keeping her word to me she had to lie by omission to her mate. I didn't like putting her in that position. I wasn't worth it.

"_Father and Mother made Jasper vow to never try to influence you or Bella without your knowledge and consent."_ Mary Alice explained.

Simply, I said at vampire pitch that, "You and Rosalie are far kinder to me than I deserve. I could not ask for better sisters."

Mary Alice had fought so fiercely on my behalf even against her own mate, I recalled, flummoxed. Now that really was impressive loyalty. And Rosalie withholding marital relations for seven days? That was unheard of in regards to her rage. She might drive me insane from time to time and there was that whole messy matter of her pondering murdering my human, but she had, I felt, made significant progress towards redemption.

To keep from acting like the besotted fool my siblings had described in their chat earlier that I, of course, knew nothing about I kept my eyes polite and modest in the presence of my family.

As she stood to leave the room hearing her cough Rosalie suggested, "Bella why don't you take a breathing treatment?" I moved to set the equipment in place and halted when my singer reached to grasp my arm. She was actually initiating touch with me, which she rarely did when conscious. I think this was a good sign. My gawping like a fish with open mouth? Not so much.

"Edward, would you mind showing me how to do this? I need to learn how to do it myself." Giving myself a mental shake, I was only too happy to instruct her, and she proved a willing student. It would, after all, improve her health and our relationship if she could engage in proper respiration. And I had to stand behind her and put my hands over her own to show her how to use the machine and she did not seem to mind either. She slipped the mask over her face and sat on the edge of our bed with her back resting against the headboard.

Earlier that morning when I had been upset, she had suggested that the two of us take a holiday and that caused me concern. Despite the path of her recovery she was still too weak to travel. Mary Alice and I bantered while she sat nodding "yes" or "no" to our questions. Since she had raised the topic of my abhorrent taste in music we were playing 20 questions as to her favorite artists. I already knew them all. But still. It didn't hurt to pretend being ignorant once in a while.

When the treatment ended, Mary Alice and Rosalie found other things to occupy their time and left the room cheerily. Emmett and Jasper had hopeful thoughts of being joined by their mates until they realized, as they scrubbed the kitchen floor with a small brush and bucket of water on their hands and knees, that both simply offered a reason to leave me alone with my human. Mary Alice and Rosalie used the time to ensure that their "room" was complete with all their possessions to convince my singer they lived together in truth. To drive their husbands insane they maintained a happy patter of "girl talk". It worked like a charm.

Fifteen minutes later, my sniveling siblings felt even worse when they helped Mother cook human food trying to hold their gorge. I mentally chortled as Mother made both taste the ingredients to ensure it was prepared to human standards. PukeWard indeed. PukeEmmett and PukeJasper had been baptized, I crowed. Jasper in particular could not tolerate human food I observed after the fourth time he vomited.

We were interrupted by dinner and afterwards the discreet disposal of it with Jasper claiming to have eaten while cooking, the sly devil. Time seemed to snatch the day from my reaching arms as I found myself staring at her as she listened to classical music with my family. The next three days passed in bliss. We established a routine where without words I kept her company at night and she kept me company in the morning when we needed each other the most. Aside from my hunting, I rarely left her side and she did not seem to mind.

Genevieve did pay a visit during that time that resulted in Emmett being pounded against the garage floor. He became much more respectful of her when she used his body like a tennis ball against his beloved Jeep, shattering every window with his head or limbs as he yelped. I haven't been that entertained in years although I would never admit it to a soul. What I found even more entertaining is that she didn't do a thing to Jasper. And that, I think was an even more effective punishment. Now he dreaded when she would finally act and spent hours pondering what she could possibly _do_ to him in retaliation. That woman was brilliantly evil.

"May I please borrow your laptop for a little longer?" she said from her perch on the bed distracting me from my reverie. Her color had improved, although she still appeared weak.

"But of course." I handed her the machine.

She patted the space on the bed beside her. "Please come and sit by me. We have to take our holiday." She had mentioned that the other day when I had been upset and I had shoved the thought away.

"What precisely do you mean by a holiday? You're far too ill for travel." I said using my most gentle tone. I wanted to see if she would respond to my proximity so I sat closer than usual. Respectful still. But closer. Her heart rate remained the same, although it was fast to begin with in the first place, I recalled.

She offered me a small smile, "Haven't you ever used your imagination to take you someplace else?" Well, actually, now that I pondered that thought, I had not too long ago and had very much enjoyed the trip, although she didn't need to know that. I had also done the whole mental imagining her as my Real Wife with Real Children without involving any deviant activities quite often in the past few days but she most certainly didn't need to know _that_ either. Heartbreaking and salacious fantasies aside, I had no idea what she intended.

Starched Shirt Edward complained, "Wouldn't you like to take our dear little one to some place beautiful and wholesome?" He envisioned a pilgrimage across Europe going from Lourdes, to Santiago de las Compastelas to Fatima with misty-eyes while tugging on his scapular.

"If I wanted to be bored stiff with her I could just take her to Amish country. It's quite lovely, and everyone is suitably attired to your taste. And they make charming furniture." Starched Shirt Edward's nostrils flared in ire. Her voice distracted me from lecturing his prissiness.

"Do you mean imagining a journey?" Why imagine when you could simply take the trip? Humans were so confusing.

"Exactly. Edward, if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?"

I couldn't tell her that the only place on this earth I desired to be was at her side sniffing her blood to my heart's content. Instead I deflected, "I'm rather interested in where you would prefer to go seeing as you have such a creative mind. And while you're at it if you could explain to me the rules of this game I'd be much obliged." I sat beside her on the bed, my back to the headboard. Remembering my Mother's request on gentlemanly comportment I kept an appropriate distance between us in case a relative burst into the room. Three inches was appropriate. For us.

"Fine. I've always wanted to visit Rothenburg in Germany. That or Wales."

"Why pick that particular location?" I pointed to the map of Europe that showed the tiny city in Germany. I ignored Wales for now.

"Because it has a walled city that dates from medieval times, Plonlein square is lovely in photographs, and you have to start somewhere."

Scoffing, I complained, "There can't be much to do there, it's positively tiny." I stared at the black dot on the map of Germany.

Her features became blank at my words.

Well, it was true. Why not pick a larger place like Paris, I wondered?

Rosalie griped from downstairs while examining the damage to Emmett's jeep clinically, "Edward play along with the game, you oaf. She's trying to share with you something that is important to her. I think she's recreating her childhood with her Grandparents and Granduncle. Keep her talking." Rosalie, aside from her inaccurate assessment of my intellect, could be useful from time to time. Shaking her head at the damage she went upstairs to her new "room" with Mary Alice to help her research.

"You're right, I'm being ridiculous. I apologize for my boorishness. Please continue."

"They have everything from a museum of crime that has 1,000 years of history about the development of the judicial system in Germany. And then there's my favorite: the Christmas museum."

"You like Christmas?" I noted the pensive expression on her face.

"My parents have never been into celebrating it. I find the different ways that countries observe the day to be interesting. My Greatuncle Liam used to throw me Christmas parties in the summers and give me my gifts then. Germany has these amazing tiny wood ornaments that they hang on Christmas trees. They look so delicate and hard to make. And there's a famous store in Rothenberg that sells them for both Easter and Christmas actually. I'd like to see that, too."

Her words reminded me that she had, most likely not celebrated a single real Christmas thanks to her scatterbrained Mother. I might not be religious, but I certainly felt devoted to her happiness. If she were happy, it would only improve our relationship.

Starched Shirt Edward all but danced in place as he said she was well on her way to accepting the Sacred Heart of Christ into her life. I'd take her to Germany for Christmas this year, I vowed. Just the two of us. Alone. In a bed and breakfast. Would it be too soon to be married by then, I mused? I'd have to ask Mary Alice.

"So if you could plan your trip where would you go? You've had enough time to think." She teased.

"Ireland." "I see," she replied archly, "why?"

"I've never been and it's green. Why don't we plan a trip there now? I'll need your able assistance since I lack imagination."

Also I needed to research central Ireland accents and the coat of arms with the stag that I remembered from the ring Benedict wore in Mary Alice's vision of how she was turned. There had to be a linguistics department in Ireland that had tape recordings of all the local accents. Then again, I could probably find that on the web as well. Although accents would have changed with time. Something about his accent was familiar and it kept niggling at the back of my mind. And the lack of Genevieve sent visions over the past few days had me on edge.

Speaking of visions, I could hear Mary Alice in her room assisted by Rosalie poring over records to find her family's graves. She seemed to be taking learning about her family awfully well considering the circumstances. Her thoughts showed she felt almost desperate to find them. It bothered her that she did not remember her sister or know her name. Moreover, the necklace that her mother put around her neck - the almost twin to my singer's save the blue gem - confused her. Brandon was a common name for that part of the country at that time. There even was a city named Brandon in the state. And beyond knowing the city of the asylum in Mississippi she did not remember the location of their farm. For that matter, she also could not recall how long it had been since Jeremy was murdered when they brought her to the asylum. Since they hadn't held a funeral she calculated it had to be within a week.

Mary Alice thought back to her first newborn memories while working. She knew I listened so added in extra detail to aid me in helping her. Mary Alice remembered waking up on the edge of a river – the Mississippi to be precise near a town called Greenville. She could smell all sorts of scents around her. And now that she had recovered the sensorial memory of her turning she now had to reconsider that moment.

Out loud she said, "Rose, when I woke up, I remember having a note pinned to my chest that said, 'your name is Alice'. And I recall being confused because I was hungry and had all these strange odors around me and could tell by the grass that people had been in the area recently. Now that I've had the vision with Benedict, I remember his scent was in the air when I woke up, but there were the scents of several other vampires there as well. I don't know why they would have abandoned me. And I don't know what happened to him either. He seemed a lot like Carlisle." She sounded forlorn.

I had never pried into her early life or anyone else's for that matter, at least verbally. At vampire pitch I said, "From what I saw I cannot imagine him leaving you by choice Mary Alice. He was protective enough of you to take drastic action." Turning her in the asylum around humans definitely qualified as drastic action. My family agreed with me.

"I know. But all there were very few mental asylums in Mississippi back then. I think I was in Hattiesburg. So that begs the question how I ended up in Greenville. I can't imagine them traveling across the state for three days with someone going through a transition. And I was not in the hospital gown when I awoke. Someone had dressed me, and left me with a bag of clothing and money. I still have the clothes packed away, come to think of it." She sighed, "I'll think more on it. I'm distracting you from Bella. Go back and pay attention to her." She kept scanning the Internet looking for census data.

Ordinarily we would have taken a vacation and scoured the state. Mary Alice never even thought to go off on her own or take her mate, though. Her thoughts were focused on me and my human.

"Once she falls asleep," I whispered to my sister at vampire frequency, "I'll help. I'd taken several classes in historical archives." Jasper wasn't the only historian in the family. And Mary Alice hadn't been able to find anything at all to help her in her mission.

Taking a respite from their task of checking the roof's shingles, Jasper did his own search and came up empty handed. He hopefully informed his wife that they might have to take a trip to the state's archives. Emmett moped in the garage changing the oil on Rosalie's car even though it didn't require it avoiding looking at his demolished jeep. "Don't mess with her Grandma" resounded through his head over and over. Machiavelli had written that it was far better to be feared than loved. Genevieve seemed to have taken that lesson to new lengths.

Calling my attention back to where it rightfully belonged, my singer went to the official Irish tourism website, and turned the computer screen towards me.

"What type of activity do you want to do, horseback riding on the beach? Attending musical events?" She showed me the menu.

Knowing her love of all things historical I asked her, "What could we see that would teach us something about Irish history?" She clicked on the menu and I laughed at the next screen. "I most definitely want to attend the Viking festival. Mark us down for that."

"What could possibly interest you about the Vikings?" she curled her lip.

"You don't like the Vikings?"

I thought she liked battles and people hacking each other's limbs off, well at least reading about it, my bloodthirsty little human.

"They fought inelegantly." She spoke the truth, of course, but brute force did prevail on many an occasion.

"Yes, my little warrior queen. I'll have to rename you Boudicca, or something. Bella Boudicca, it has a certain ring to it."

She huffed,"Why would you compare me to her?"

"Hmmm well aside from having the pluck to lead an uprising against the Romans?"

I leaned over her. "Yes." She stared out the window ignoring me. "She was fierce. Just like you." I touched her nose with my finger.

She blushed and batted my hand aside. I wasn't used to humans swatting me away. Ones that lived, anyway. She didn't seem terrified or annoyed, simply amused. So that had to be a good sign as well. And you didn't plan vacations with people you did not want to spend time around either. All was working according to plan. I think.

We spent two hours planning our pretend vacation. My singer preferred guided tours while I indicated a decidedly independent streak preferring to buy a book and learn about a location myself. She planned excursions wandering through musty libraries or museums or famous battle fields. I, of course, would have enjoyed doing all of those things particularly with her at my side. To be contrary, I insisted that bird watching with binoculars was where all the fun could be had.

My brothers, I'm delighted to report, spent two hours working their immortal fingers to the bone cleaning their wives' lingerie. Mother called them back into her study for more chores. I wondered what she could possibly have up her sleeve now but she had kept them busy for days. Ah, yes, that was brilliant. I listened as she insisted that they clean the air ducts in the house to ensure that my dear little one did not have to deal with any bacteria that could harm her. Or fungi. And she insisted that Emmett inspect the insulation knowing full well it had to be replaced. My singer's happy banter pulled me from Emmett's mental whining.

"Earth to Edward," she snapped her fingers by my ear startling me, "you want to go all the way to Ireland with all its rich history to stare at birds?" she sounded exasperated.

"What? Because I appreciate the environment? Besides, I'm told their widgeons are absolutely breathtaking," I stared into her eyes agreeing with that adjective being applied to her as well. She was definitely stealing my breath. Not that I needed it. But still. Her hobby struck me as both charming and sad. I had been all over the world and found my favorite destination sitting by my side.

"Didn't you hike as a child with your Grandparents or Great Uncle?" "Actually I did," she stared fixedly at the computer. "But they were always very careful where they took me and now that I think about it, we always went in circular loops. Anyway, Uncle Liam adored hiking." Her features softened and she seemed somber, so I decided to distract her just as Jasper told me to.

"How did this practice of imagining trips begin?"

"Dad always had to work and we never seemed to be able to travel. And I wanted to spend all my free time either with the Clearwaters or with my Grandparents and Great Uncle. After my 13th birthday," she paused, "well I had more time on my hands. Leah suggested it one day so we spent hours in the library planning our trip using the encyclopedias. We had so much fun that we took turns and it's been a family tradition ever since."

"So you all do this regularly?"

She glanced up from the screen nodding, "Seth always picked the most hilarious destinations," she said with a fond tone. "Last time he decided we were going to Olney, Illinois."

"What could possibly interest you in that city?"

At my doubtful tone she said, "It has a museum dedicated to white squirrels. Only Seth would want to go thousands of miles to stare at small animals. The other day he suggested we travel to Ramona, California to visit the camel dairy there."

The mere image of her sitting around books imagining what it would be like to actually visit a destination seemed ineffably sad; particularly considering I'd been wandering the earth unhappily all this time taking it for granted. She appeared so happy recalling hours spent imagining trips she never took. When she felt better, we'd have to remedy that and take her on real tour. And I wouldn't take her to visit quirky sites for amusement. I wanted to see her in front of the Hagia Sophia putting it to shame with her laugh; or standing in front of Botticelli's Birth of Venus, putting the Goddess of Love in her rightful secondary place behind my singer's visage in Florence wearing my ring on her hand, of course.

Starched Shirt Edward appeared huffing in outrage and scolded me, "You keep imagining her in these scenes as a wife. In order for that to happen we must pay proper court to her. Otherwise we're going to hell. Especially after….." He snapped his mouth shut and wagged his finger at me. His suit appeared fresh. I stared at it noticeably and he blushed, picking at imaginary lint on his sleeve.

"If this is going to hell, I definitely plan on enjoying the journey," I answered him. "Hallelujah" I added for good measure offending him with the "H" word forbidden to be uttered during Lent. He scrambled to the prayer bench beseeching the Lord forgiveness praying for our soul. I called out to him that he needed to pray for our fortitude in courting her. I definitely intended on learning how and practicing my skills upon my oblivious singer. Remembering the ecstasy I felt upon ejaculating and knowing I could have that in real life once I figured out how to not destroy the ecosystem or kill her…I was suitably inspired. She'd never know what hit her, I thought.

"Exactly!" Starched Shirt Edward smirked, thinking of the destruction I had caused. "Tree killer." I stared at him. Just for spite he added, "Bird terrorist."

"My orgasm was yours." I taunted which ended the argument. He was too busy spluttering in Latin hands clasped devoutly the very picture of a little lamb.

During our disgusting dinner my family and I pretended to joyfully chomp through lamb chops and potato balls for her sake. The asparagus spears (they named that one right they did), proved a challenge for Jasper as he made the mistake of biting two at the same time and the ended up sticking out of his mouth like walrus' tusks, causing much amusement at the table. Once we finished eating, I excused myself to vomit while Mary Alice kept her distracted. After freshening up and murdering another hapless toothbrush and disposing of its corpse, I asked her to join me. Jasper owned a strong military history section and kept it in his study which he currently didn't require seeing as Mother planned his social schedule for the immediate future.

"Where are we going?" my singer inquired as I guided her to the second floor and down the hallway. We rounded a bend and came to a double set of doors. Perhaps my eyes darkened a bit as I stared at the scene of the crime, remembering my brothers cackling at their "joke".

"Go ahead and open them." I encouraged her.

"You look like you don't want me to." She said not moving.

Warning myself not to break her bones, my hand covered hers as we turned the knob and opened the door together. I felt the familiar jolt through me when our skin touched. We faced an entire wall of tomes in floor to ceiling bookshelves. Mother had recently had my brothers vacuum all the dust from every book. Any librarian would weep with joy at its pristine state. "I see you need a twelve step book program, you addict, you," she teased. Then she did a double-take when she saw the titles.

Her eyes lingered longingly on a volume by T. Harry Williams that squatted on the top shelf far out of her reach. "Would you like to examine that one?" I pointed to it.

"If you don't mind." She said.

I lifted her by the waist so she could reach the volume by the famous historian herself. Perhaps I let her back unnecessarily brush against my torso on the way to the ground putting her scent all over my clothes. She did not seem to mind. Keeping my arm at her waist as was proper given her tendency to trip, I escorted her up the staircase to the sofa in my room. I grabbed a random book of my own from my desk and spent the next hour pretending to read an archaic form of French poetry, and then switching to a volume of Irish history and accents. Remembering Jasper's ghastly vision, I switched to my laptop and started researching apples. It took but a few moments for me to find there was a variety called "pink lady" that resembled the one in the vision and unfortunately there were orchards all over the country that grew it. I shut the computer ignoring the voice that warned of imminent doom. Watching her enjoy the Williams history book offered considerably more entertainment. It was as if I had disappeared she became so absorbed reading. I'd have to work on that.

Jasper brought the other two large boxes that Emmett had mentioned days earlier to her into the room distracting me from my thoughts. Once again, I sourly thought, we were reminded of her Mother's incompetence in not even bothering to send her daughter her possessions.

"Bella, I thought you might like to see your other boxes." He smiled at her lifting our already cheerful mood. Libelous lout.

"Thank you very much Jasper." She said, placing the history book down on an end table. If Jasper interrupted us, it must be for a good reason, considering he was in the doghouse of everyone in the house save, of course, Emmett. Once he opened the box for her I realized his motives, the sneaky rat.

She had several boxes of letters from her relatives that would make for fascinating reading at a later date. Jasper had not wanted to peruse them without my permission, a sentiment which I respected on his part. It wouldn't do for him to invade her privacy without my consent. She was mine after all.

Like me, she also had a keepsake box. My singer pulled out a something she clutched in her closed fist exclaiming in joy, "I've been looking for this everywhere. It must have fallen while I packed." I hadn't heard her so happy since I had given her the Teddy bear that currently resided on my desk. Emmett had fetched that last night from her house as a further way of trying to endear himself to my human. It irritated me to no end. I should have thought of doing it first. I castigated myself for slipping in predicting her needs. My attention wandered back to her as she leaned against me.

Opening her hand, she held like a prized possession a thin silver charm bracelet. In between a charm of a teddy bear and another of an apple appeared to be a small key used by bankers. I saw an owl with emerald eyes stamped on a circular piece of silver, a dragonfly, an elephant, a pair of amethyst love birds, a turtle, a wolf, an eagle, a lion, a butterfly, a fox, a starfish, a sheltie and a Swan. Aside from the key the jewelry didn't appear to be worth much. My sisters probably spent more on cosmetics. Truth be told, it probably cost more to make the _key_ than the bracelet. And compared to the worth of the medallion that hung around her neck it seemed ludicrous she valued it.

"This brings you happiness?" I pointed to the bracelet.

"The Clearwaters bought it for me and every year each would give me a new charm before I went back to Phoenix. It's my favorite piece of jewelry. Could you please put it on me?" She held out her right wrist and neglected to say that it was also her only piece of jewelry aside from the pendant.

"Did they give you this?" I handled the key and I put the bracelet around her wrist. I wouldn't know anything about taking extra long to fasten the clasp, or how my skin smarted from the shock when we touched.

"Oh no, I just put it there for safekeeping. My Grandmother left me the contents of her safe deposit box. It has stuff from my Great Uncle Liam as well."

"The smart one that you take after?" Who enjoys tormenting me at every occasion, I wanted to add. Although, truth be told, with his recent insult and _second _almost attempt on her Granddaughter's life, logic suggested that Jasper was due for possible payback. Clearly she hadn't scared him enough with his first vision.

Scoffing she playfully smacked my hand, "Yes, but she and Grandfather Jericho and Great Uncle Liam were all smart. They made me promise that I wouldn't open it until….hmm….a date they picked." She edited: that I could tell.

"Do you know what's inside?" Her expression became remote.

Staring at the key and toying with it she said, "No. How would I? I always keep my word."

She might, but there wasn't any rule that said I had to and I noticed she hadn't told me the date that they selected. I couldn't tell the box number based on her key. I'd have to borrow it and visit the bank one night. Knowing Genevieve's penchant for nasty surprises, it was only logical that I would protect my singer from her very nice Grandmother who curiously put her in death's path on a frequent basis. I adopted a pious expression on my face since I knew Genevieve probably listened. She could slam me to the ground all she wanted. I was definitely going to that bank.

It took a few days to get the Clearwaters to come to the house. The first few times they called she had genuinely been asleep and when awake she did not seem to want to talk to them by phone. Instead she emailed them all short notes indicating she felt better and spent most of her time sleeping or playing chess. Through the emails over the past few days, the visit came to be. As promised, the Clearwaters came to visit my human twenty minutes later and regretfully I led her downstairs. From reading Seth and Leah's thoughts they had no idea of our nature or the treaty. Once they arrived in the doorway, Harry and Sue briefly embraced my human at the same time followed by the children. Sue thought her face appeared too thin. Harry worried about how pale she seemed and the wheezing of her lungs. Their arms seemed to swallow her into a tangle of limbs both fussing over her hair and expressing their affection before self-consciously moving away. All three teenagers started coughing in tandem which made my siblings frantically start lurching for water glasses and tissues. We finally managed to get everyone settled into the parlor.

Years of practice allowed us to observe Seth Clearwater's features at our leisure without appearing rude to mortal perceptions. Father started when he first laid eyes upon him and thought,_ "That is Ephraim's face with Bella's eyes. My word."_ And silently I agreed as did the rest of the family that had known the wolf. On that note, I offered a prayer of thanks to the Lord on high that none of the Clearwaters smelled like a wolf. Visions with Hezekiah were bad enough, not to mention the fear of having one frighten the life of my singer by turning. She should remain sheltered. We all walked into the parlor and took seats.

My singer sat with me on her right and Seth on her left listening in happiness as the Clearwaters chattered at her. Jasper mentally said to me, _"Edward, you formally declared her to be part of our family. We'll do our part to treat her that way, but you implied you had a romantic relationship with her so you're going to have to follow through or it would be awkward."_ What did he expect me to do, tongue her forehead to mark my territory. That would be to quote Mary Alice, "all kinds of awkward." My siblings and Parents reclined on the rest of the love seats and chairs scattered around the large room. Sue and Harry sat facing us, nervously holding hands next to their sharp-eyed daughter who perused me like an insect although not for the reasons one would expect. Leah wondered what kind of man that her sister would find attractive since she had never showed interest in any one before. That cheered me considerably.

I moved my arm on my singer's back when she started to cough, rubbing it gently. Smart girl, she didn't protest, and I looked like a saint in front of my family as she curled into my chest for comfort as she caught her breath. This followed in line with my Real Fake boyfriend status. Even the Clearwaters couldn't criticize my medically appropriate behavior although they tried awfully hard not to stare. Patting her back cleared her lungs of sputum and caressing her hair lowered her already normal blood pressure. But still. Blood pressure standards of normality changed all the time. I kept my hands at the ready just in case the Journal of the American Medical Association published new figures: one couldn't be too careful as far as a singer was concerned.

Once the ritual greetings had concluded Father said to Chief Clearwater, "Bella recently learned of her disability and how her parents hid it from her all these years. I cannot see you all being a part of this deception," although we all were collectively deceiving her on an entirely _other_ matter which was perfectly morally appropriate - but I digress, "I believe, however, that Bella needs to hear that from you."

"Honey," Sue said, "If we had any idea we would definitely have told you. We would never keep something like that from you about your own health." I noticed how tense she looked when she said those words. Frustrated at failing to reach his friend by phone, email, or smoke signal Harry added, "When he gets home I am going to yell at Charlie so if the phone rings and I'm on it, you should definitely go into your room and shut the door. Maybe put a scotch by his hand before you do because he's going to need it by the time I'm done with him. The idea that they kept you from getting therapy that you needed," a vein pulsed in his forehead and his blood pressure spiked. Carlisle, Rosalie and I looked at one another concerned. For half a second my singer looked relieved before adopting a blank expression.

"Didn't your Grandparents or Great uncle tell you?" Leah, for all her lack of tact, baldly asked a question I would have asked had my manners been worse.

"No, and that bothers me. I think they gave me subtle hints." Now she looked very upset. Nodding at Jasper's mental request, I allowed him to send her waves of calm. It was only right. I couldn't exactly use my Quileute powers to put her to sleep in front of the Clearwater children. They might find it rude. I took her right hand in mine because Jasper told me to and delicately squeezed as he instructed before releasing it and moving away.

Mother said in a soft tone, "Bella dear, if you did not realize a problem existed then it would have been to look for the clues. I'm guessing they said things that looked perfectly innocent, probably over time, correct?"

"Yes."

Seth reached out and squeezed her hand in a fleeting move.

"So you are being very hard on yourself and unfair as well." Carlisle soothed.

Mary Alice added, "Bella, I hate to say this but the only explanation I can think of is that maybe your parents swore them to silence by threatening to keep you away from them." My singer nodded at the thought. The Clearwaters mentally agreed but verbally said nothing.

"My Grandmother told me something the last time . . . that has been haunting me," she said. Haunting Genevieve had my utmost respect. "She told me that I had to be very careful with all of my moves. We were playing chess at the time and a rook fell. She said that I had to take special care of all the chess pieces because once you broke a set, they were difficult to replace."

"A set?" Harry looked confused.

"My family had a very distinctive set. It's valuable so I left it in the bank in another safe deposit box. I didn't want anything bad to happen to it while I was out of town. And Dad doesn't play chess and I was afraid he'd accidentally give it away."

"How old were you when you took out the account?" Mary Alice asked.

"I'd just turned thirteen. Mrs. Stanley helped me. She put it in my name and my Grandmother's as joint holders and the bank never cared."

"Why, aside from your age, would they care?" Emmett asked.

"Because her Grandparents and Great uncle had recently passed." Sue said quietly jumping in because my human said nothing. Emmett winced at his lack of tact.

"I'm sorry to hear that Bella." Sorry indeed. Why didn't he just add, "Oh and I'm sorry for nearly getting your neck chomped upon by your lust crazed Fake Boyfriend a few hours ago. Silly me."

Just like Jasper indicated a few days ago, however, she didn't let her pain show. I patted her arm in a deliberate show of support. She looked so bewildered for a second. My poor human in her grief had to go and lock up the one thing that reminded her most of the people she loved? I made a mental note to get something marvelous for Mrs. Stanley. Even if she and her daughter had reprehensible thoughts about my physical form; she had done something amazingly kind for my singer. And even more surprising she had kept her mouth shut and the account hidden. I had not detected it on the computer mainframe. I wondered on that thought if she had absconded with the set.

"Have you been to see it lately? The set?"

"No. I suppose since we play so often I could get it out again. I keep the key for the box at home. Mrs. Stanley has always been really nice about it. Seth goes with me every once in a while to help me look at it." I wondered at that till I saw from Seth's mind that the set was heavy in its case and the location of the safe deposit box inconvenient because of her height. It took them both to put the box in the wall and lock it. From his memory the set appeared elaborate.

"As soon as you're feeling better I'll take you there so you can retrieve it if you wish." She nodded. I couldn't wait to see that set.

Harry's blood pressure had risen alarmingly during the past few minutes. Carlisle looked at him as if he expected him to stroke out at any moment, "Chief Clearwater, may I see you alone for a moment? I promise not to take up too much of your time." Lurching up from the sofa by his wife, Harry walked up to my singer, leaned over and gave her a cautious hug, "I'm so glad my precious Swan is here and healthy. Thank you all for caring for her. We love her like our own." He looked at me meaningfully. I blinked at him in innocence. I loved her scent like my own too: well, because she was designed for me.

Leah and Seth continued talking to my singer. It was unusual to see how much she changed when around them. Her shoulders relaxed, she smiled more, her eyes brightened. She almost seemed like a different person. Odd. Very odd. What I wouldn't give to have her look at me like that. Even Dream Edward didn't earn those affectionate glances and illuminating smiles.

Jasper mentally bellowed at me to stop radiating jealousy and to make my smile appear more sincere. He said I looked like I had a wire coat hanger stuck in my lips holding them in place. I modified my features until he ceased carping. Jugurtha Predator consoled me, "Stalking unusual prey like this required discipline and patience. Clearly her behavior with the Clearwaters had been earned over the course of her life."

Starched Shirt Edward told me that "The young human female's thoughts indicated she definitely needed to go to confession for mortal sins, the poor dear." He scampered for the prayer bench to offer up a lament for her recently lost virtue. From reading their minds, her parents suspected but had no proof. They did not like Sam Uley, but hoped to wait this out because they intended to send their stubborn daughter away to college. This was her senior year after all.

Leah simply wanted to gush about how her boyfriend Sam Uley had never left the hospital sleeping on the floor rather than being parted from her side. I noticed my human's eyes dimmed a bit at the mention of the boyfriend's name. If they were so close why did Leah spend all her conversation talking about another? And she didn't let my singer get a word in edge-wise. I will never understand human women.

Mother turned to Sue and said, "Could you accompany me in the kitchen? I had some recipes I wanted to get you advice about." The funny thing is she was telling the truth. Sue blew a kiss at my singer as she walked out of the room. My human smiled at the gesture transforming her face, and kept talking to the Clearwater children as Leah chattered about Sam Uley.

Making air quotations, Seth interrupted with, "'Sam. Sam. Sam. Word. Sam. Word. Sam. Squee.' That's what conversations with you are like Leah. Geez, you _always_ talk about him. You know the world doesn't revolve around the guy." His sharp tone made his sister feel guilty. Seth, however, had only begun remonstrating his wayward sibling, "Bella nearly died and all you want to do is blather about your boyfriend? Bet you five bucks you don't last an hour without saying his name."

Leah crossed her arms, embarrassed. She didn't understand why everyone was picking on her and Seth was doing it in front of complete strangers. Life was so unfair. Sam was amazing and he treated her so well and since he was important to her then her family should accept him, right? She really wanted that ring he had been saving up for with extra money from his job. And that boyfriend of Swan's was hot but not compared to her Sam. They were going to go to college together and had their lives already planned. Leah planned on getting into Stanford and become an engineer like her Father. She then started having inappropriate and might I add, revolting thoughts about kissing that scoundrel.

Mentally I rolled my eyes. At least one woman of the Forks teenage population resisted my charms. Then again, that probably was a good thing. It would be awkward if my vampiric magnetism caused Leah to snivel over me like Jessica Stanley. Seth distracted me from his sister's mental litany of complaints, "So Swan, I'm really sorry tripping on the pots made everyone so sick." he looked down and blushed. In that moment we all thought of how much he looked like his half-sister.

"You know that's not your fault, right baby brother?" she teased him as clearly he had just finished another growth spurt and towered over her sitting to the left of her on the sofa. Although the Clearwaters never noticed all the vampires in the room stiffened at her words. Did she know? I scanned the minds of the mortals in the room. Apparently this had always been her nickname for him. Mentally both children thought of her as their sibling so it was impossible to tell.

"Baby brother? I'm already taller than you short stuff." He laughed pulling the ends of her hair. She smacked his hands away affectionately, "Brat." I curled my right hand to keep from leaping on him when he touched her tresses. He was her brother after all.

"I love you too, Swan." He caroled.

I felt like I watched a tennis match observing them all. Their thoughts clearly were filled with love for my singer and the treasure trove of memories I snatched from their minds of things she had said and done over the years I would have to examine at leisure at another time.

Once they were in the kitchen, Mother showed Sue her book of collected human food recipes, "Bella is so quiet, I don't know if I'm making food she likes or not. Could you tell me what in here she would prefer?"

Sue pointed to five recipes and promised to send over her favorite chicken marinade as well. "I feel so terrible that we couldn't come see her when Bella fell ill. One of us had to stay with the children because they were so sick, and they were kept in separate wings of the hospital." Sue left unsaid the thought of how frustrated they had been that she had been dodging their calls. She did it to her father all the time when she was upset. Sue hoped they had alleviated her fears although she felt scared about her Swan being around vampires.

"Your children almost died, Sue, you shouldn't blame yourself. I noticed she did something when she was sick that I hoped you could explain for me. I'm not quite sure what to make of it, well actually two things." Mother was good, I thought.

"What did she do?" Sue blinked in confusion playing with the hem of her white long sleeved shirt.

"She was delirious and she took my son by the hand and literally moved his hand across her hair like so," Mother recreated the manner in which my singer requested I stroke her hair. "She would not calm down until he did so and cried for him if he left."

"Oh my stars," Sue looked sad for a moment, "That's her Grandparents and Great uncle's influence."

"In what way?"

"Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho took care of her most of the time when she was small, and they touched her hair that way to help her go to sleep or stop a nightmare. They are the only ones she has ever let do that for her. She's not very comfortable with being touched and we've always tried to respect that."

"You mentioned nightmares? She's had several quite terrifying ones that have worried us."

Sue exhaled in frustration, "She's been like that since she was a little girl. Genevieve told me that she would help her with them, but they never stopped, she just became quieter when having them. And she never let any of us touch her when she woke up. It is very hard to watch even now."

"So she's always had them?"

"Yes. We even tried putting her on sleeping medication for a while but it didn't help. There does not seem to be any pattern to them, but they do get bad if she has something stressful occur like when her Grandparents and Great uncle died."

"That must have been awful."

"That poor child lost them all in one night and since Renee wouldn't let her come to the funeral, Harry and I had to hold a private service for her months later. And Charlie was a wreck." The sight of my singer's face standing over their tombstones upset my digestion. She shouldn't ever have to look like that. Despite listening from the other room I found myself pulling her against me and squeezing her upper arm.

Leah wondered if I had engaged in inappropriate sexual relations with my singer, given that her parents had informed them that she had recently begun seriously dating me. She also wondered why Swan had never mentioned a thing about me aside from the driving lessons. Then she went back to obsessing over her boyfriend the silly girl. My Mother's voice pulled me back into their conversation.

"How did they pass?"

"They all died the same night from asthma attacks."

Carlisle in the other room examined a spluttering Chief Clearwater and explained to him the risks of high blood pressure as Jasper calmed him. The lecture burned Harry's ears as it came from a mortal enemy and was word for word almost the same talk his current doctor had given. Carlisle wrote him a prescription for a different regimen of medication better suited to his condition. Harry folded it into his shirt pocket and asked how much he owed Carlisle. "Not a cent. You're Bella's family. We'd never charge you." Carlisle's face conveyed his sincerity. Like a newly repentant sinner, Harry couldn't believe how much better he felt already. He definitely would fill the prescription on the way home.

They stayed for another ten minutes chatting but we could see Leah and Seth were both tiring. Sue and Harry regretfully gathered their brood to leave. My human's face for a flash of time seemed sorrowful to see them leave before she adopted a pleasant facade. I had to keep the Fake Boyfriend pretense up for the sake of protecting her. I gently hugged her as we walked them out of the door and using all my courage kissed the top of her head in front of my family who acted as if that were perfectly normal. There, they'd definitely remember that. She was family now. Mine.

Harry Clearwater and Sue were surprised at how "normal" my family seemed considering we were blood suckers and all. Sue's thoughts observed how my singer seemed happy here and talked far more than was normal for her around strangers. And she couldn't quite figure out what was going on with that Edward. 'He looked at her like she was an angel;' Sue hated to admit, I mentally crowed. He also had this adorable expression on his face that Bella couldn't see when he kissed her head. It was like she was the most precious thing in the world to him and he even declared her family under the treaty. And Bella seemed to be completely oblivious, poor thing. My lips froze at the thought. Oblivious? After all my hard work?

Even Genevieve could not argue that this did not constitute official family approval to pay court to my human. And Sue Clearwater was an amazingly astute woman at times. My singer was the most precious thing to me in the world.

My family sensed that my singer needed some encouragement after seeing the Clearwaters depart and they looked to me to offer it. As their car drove away, she took my hand that was resting Fake Boyfriendly like at her waist and led me into the house. It was late now in the evening by human standards. Without a word we walked up the staircase to my room. She let go of my hand and reached for her green nightgown that Emmett had folded meticulously and left on the bed. I went to the window and stared outside when she vanished into my bathroom to change. Smacking myself across the head I realized that perhaps I should put on my pajamas as well and reached into my dresser for a fresh set. My walk-in closet offered a sanctuary for me to change at vampire speed behind a closed door. It wouldn't do to be unclothed when my singer walked into the room. That would most definitely be awkward and quite possibly deadly.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "While I am pleased that you are seeing to our dear little one's modesty, you need to speak to her more. Her family left and she's possibly lonely." I noticed he said nothing about the sleeping arrangements, the bastard. He loved being near her every bit as much as I did. Denial was more than a river in Egypt, I smirked folding my clothing and putting it in the hamper.

I emerged to find her setting up her nebulizer for another treatment. The medication bottles were by her hand so she must have taken her nightly dose while I fretted about my wardrobe choice and mocked Starched Shirt Edward. The green color did wonders because of her coloring as I walked around her. Marcia was right. I did have exceptional taste in clothing. With her back to me she said, "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I have a question."

Her heart rate increased. I could tell she was nervous. I couldn't have her distressed.

"How can I help?" I requested earnestly.

She appeared tired, and already set up the machine like a professional with her quick movements. "Why the Fake Boyfriend routine in front of the Clearwaters?" She timed it brilliantly as she started the nebulizer. She didn't have to say a thing back and left me hanging, holding the mask to her face with quizzical eyes.

Two could play that game. "Why not? It seemed appropriate. Did I offend you?"

She shook her head "no" and I mentally exhaled the mental breath I had been holding.

Jugurtha suggested from his new comfortable leather chair he had set up right out side his cave, "You really should distract her about right now. You can talk about feelings later. She's tired. And keep touching her." It went without saying that he wanted me to lick her, but he held his tongue. Thank God.

Seeing an opening I walked to her side of the bed and took her right wrist in my hand. "Bella, I noticed the clasp on your bracelet is sticking. Would you like me to remove it for you? I can have it repaired at the jeweler's tomorrow to make sure that it doesn't break. Having seen you with the Clearwaters I can see how much you value it." That sounded smooth, supportive. I had the moral high ground in touching her as I unclasped the bracelet at her affirmative nod. Even better, I could copy the key without having to worry about stealing it from her. I was a genius, I must admit. I tried not to get my hopes up when she pulled back the covers and sank to the bed, reaching for a book. Since she couldn't talk at the moment and I wasn't talking on her previous line of questioning she handed me one of her military history volumes opened it to the table of contents and pointed to a chapter.

"You want me to read this out loud to you?" She smiled and nodded. Of course. Her eyes appeared to be sound; I wondered if her vision needed to be checked. But if she wanted me to read to her I would be delighted to do so. She patted the bed beside her so I joined her, sitting up against the headboard reading aloud about the battle of Agincourt. Thirty minutes and twenty-four rattling coughs later her treatment had ended.

Sitting by Mary Alice in their "room" reading a medical journal on asthma, Rosalie knew that it was time for my singer's last dose of medication for the day this one for her pain. She heard me reaching for my singer's prescription bottles at their rattle and complained, "Edward let her take her medication herself. She has to learn how to do it so she can do it for herself once her father comes back," my mind lurched at the idea of her away from my side, "she needs to feel in control of her life for crying out loud. Since she's feeling better she's not going to like you doing everything for her without asking. And it's not like she's going to overdose or anything."

Showing impressive self-control, I handed her the bottle and pretended not to watch as my dear little one counted out the appropriate number of tablets and drank them with a glass of water I poured, as a gentleman should. I closed the shutters to the room, intending to leave her for the night regretfully until she fell asleep and then return to guard her from phantasms and her communicatively challenged family. I looked at the bracelet I had removed every night that sat on the desk winking at me in temptation, like a brazen woman. Perchance while she slept I could pay a visit to the bank. It's not like their security system could stop me. Or, for that matter, that I'd get caught. Emmett would make a copy of the key for me without arguing. The bastard owed me.

Although I knew she couldn't read minds, sometimes I wondered because her perceptiveness emerged at the oddest times. Nervously, as I walked over to wish her a good night, I wondered if I would spend it by her side like the past few nights. I did not even want to contemplate what it would feel like if she sent me away. Like the previous nights, she tugged my hand, pulling me onto the bed without making eye contact. This time I lay on her left side. I did not question her as I reached over with an arm and turned off the light in the floor lamp by the bed. I mentally cheered at the return of my silent bossy human when I felt her pull the covers over us and tentatively pull me against her. As I basked in the wonder of her embrace and scent, I could not help but wonder how I would ever let her leave the house when her father returned to town. I'd have to find a way to continue this holding one another at night practice. This campaign required considerable thought. She did need me after all. She'd just shown me so.

And as my heartbeat started, I realized that as the days continued I needed her more and more. I choked back a whimper as hope bombarded me with each beat. She had been curled against my chest as we lay on our sides. Suddenly, she scooted up towards the headboard and pulled me against her so I could hear her heart and she could stroke my hair. I had no complaints at this position. This was perhaps the closest to her heart I would ever get, I mournfully considered, since she clearly saw me as merely a friend or a Fake Boyfriend. On a whim, I decided to use my impressive self control to fight off the sensation of sleep that always pulled me to those dreams. I wanted to see how long I could last. To distract myself I thought about my soon to be sleeping singer. She rolled to her back and arranged me like she had the other night. I had no complaints.

"Thank you Edward." Her words startled me. I raised my head resting my chin on her trunk right below the hollow of her throat. Her features seemed serene.

She had arranged me so that I lay only with my chest across her body as modestly dictated. "For what am I being thanked – oh woman with the amazing pitching arm? Perhaps I should remove those pillows from behind your head." Placing my weight on my left forearm I rose up, leaned over her face and reached to tug on the pillow under her head - pretending to steal it. Laughing softly, she fumbled into the dark until her hand met my own, lacing our fingers together. At her touch I felt again that spark that I had come to know so well and she seemed to start, too. My hands were warm thanks to my heartbeat.

"For staying with me when I'm being a coward about my nightmares. I sleep better with you here. And I'm sorry to impose on you and be selfish." She sounded like she had just confessed to murdering boatloads of kittens. And that definitely worked to drive away my fatigue.

Gazing up from mopping the garage floor, Jasper helpfully suggested, "Edward sometimes if you tell a person something personal, it makes her feel like she has to share back. Use that to get her to talk." Excellent idea.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything." She whispered and squeezed my hand.

Would that only be true, I mentally sighed. I couldn't see myself saying, "I adore sleeping in your arms because they smell heavenly and I have to work to avoid chomping your neck every second I stand next to you, my widgeon." Somehow I'd have to talk to her before I proposed, though. Everyone said so. And I heard my Mother and Father suggest speaking from their minds as well.

Gulping nervously for real I confessed, "Honestly, I sleep better with you here, too. I have strange dreams as well lately, and they bother me when I awaken. I suppose we'll have to help each other." In the dark her features were transformed with a smile. This occasional honestly trick was actually refreshing. I felt better saying that to her. Jasper praised my brilliance. Mother thought me sweet.

And in truth I did have dreams that disturbed me. Dreams of staying human and living at her side with four children – a set of twin boys that had their Great Grandmother's blue eyes and my hair along with a green-eyed red-headed little girl scampering about our feet and a exuberant dog barking with a wagging tail that hit the children making them squeal in glee. A baby boy cooed in contentment somewhere in the background. And when I woke up and heard my heart stop the image shattered into a thousand pieces and it took all I had not to scream.

She unlaced our fingers, "Is your head hurting you again?" how she knew I had a headache was beyond me because actually, I did.

"I've taken my medication it should go away soon, thank you for asking." Touching her alone was medication. So I spoke the truth, again.

She moved my head, put her fingers on both sides of my temples and made small circles. As her hands traced patterns in my skin I thought to myself that I definitely did not deserve her in my life but I'd pilfer every chance I could to be with her; greedy for the feel of her skin crackling against my own. Thanks to the shutters, the room was impossible for her human eyes to see in the inky darkness. Pitiful creature that I was, I used that opportunity to stare at her unabashedly. I wondered morbidly how long it would be before Fate tried to seize her from me with the red-eyed people. They would never know what hit them: I would never give her up. I did not care what effort or sacrifice I had to make to achieve that goal.

The pleasure and peace and comfort settled in me as I breathed in her scent and relaxed at her feather-light touch as my pain seemed to fade. These strange emotions running through me I had never felt before: perhaps they were simply pleasure mixed with instinctual territoriality? Nevertheless, I would destroy as many as necessary to protect what Nature made specifically for me. And every last part of her from her scent to the ends of her tresses belonged to me. Eventually her fingers slowed and her breathing became more regular. My head naturally fell back to its resting place and we both soon fell asleep. Already it felt familiar, this feeling of floating in her embrace.

My mind took me to the kitchen of the Swan house, only it seemed brighter somehow and the furniture newer. The O'Sheas and Jericho Swan sat at the table stiffly while Billy tried to persuade them to sell their land.

Jericho said, "Billy, this is Genevieve and Liam's land and their decision. We've had this discussion and you've been told 'no' several times. Respect it."

"But I have the money and I've been saving it for years. I'll pay double the market value. Think of what that could do for Bella." He pressed, clearly frustrated, fiddling with his tie. He'd dressed formally for the occasion, wearing a nice suit and polished shoes, a large gift bag at his feet.

Genevieve peered owlishly through wire rim glasses at him over her needlework and tartly replied, "Taking that amount of money from you would be wrong. You do not seem to understand that we will never sell the land for any price. And Bella has no need of anything from you William Black; not now or ever. We have ensured that she is provided for and will be safe and comfortable for life." Her eyes seemed to stare right into my own.

Liam, who towered over his dainty twin – now I knew where my singer inherited her small frame – stood and said, "I'll see you to the door." He had an expression that for a human could be labeled intimidating. Jericho stayed seated glaring from his chair. A large man, he had Emmett's build and his bald pate was red from his temper.

Billy sighed and an eerie smile crossed his features. Genevieve suddenly reached out and took her husband's hand squeezing it and said, "I love you." Reaching into the gift bag at his feet, Billy had a metal canister in his hands, "I brought you some honey as a sign of my regard. I hope you enjoy it."

As he twisted the lid, he made a show of "accidentally" dropping it. The bees swarmed out of the container filling the room as he "apologized". The Swans and Liam O'Shea remained perfectly still trying to keep them from stinging. Liam lifted the phone in his hand and quickly dialed some numbers. As the first one's stinger pierced the flesh of his neck Liam jerked and spat, "You picked the wrong family, Billy. This isn't over. You may think you've won, but I promise vengeance and butterflies."

Jerking from a bee sting, Billy stared with an expression that suggested Genevieve was insane as she and her husband seemed to step _towards_ the bees. I found it curious Liam did not dial 911. I suppose the fact that he did not is the only reason Billy hadn't stopped him as he had not interfered with the call in any way.

After one ring a voice answered saying, "Roy's mortuary, you stab them we slab 'em," in a Brooklyn accent. When there was no response they waited thirty seconds and disconnected grumbling, "Wrong number again."

One would think given all that she had tormented me, my medical experience, not to mention all the death that I personally had dispatched over the years that seeing Genevieve die would not disturb me. I could not help but see my human's face in her features. I recalled what it felt like holding that tiny human baby in my arms on the day of her birth as her mind reached for my own. I stared in horror into Genevieve's eyes as the light faded from them mentally shouting at her to breathe to hang in there to just not die. Typical Genevieve she disobeyed me and expired shaking on the floor clasping at her husband and twin brother's hands in vain.

It only took minutes for them to die. Like a vulture, Billy watched from outside staring at his watch impatiently timing their deaths. Considering it was pitch black outside no one noticed him. As soon as he was sure they had expired he walked into the house, picked up the canister, cleaned the floor of the trace of the bees and exited. He left the kitchen window open so the bees could escape into the night and kindly locked the door behind him after wiping the kitchen down with a cloth to hide his prints. Indecisive, he hovered by the phone wanting to take it out of Liam's hand and hang it back up. He found the smashed bees by Jericho and collected their corpses. He even polished the knob on both sides of the door with a cloth. Billy's had been stung several times as well as smugly he studied the bodies. The last thing I saw in the dream was the swollen face of Genevieve with blank eyes staring back at me and the sound of the phone off the hook.

I felt someone tapping me and jerked as I awoke lying on my back staring up into my human's puzzled face as she leaned above me. She had Jericho's eye color and Genevieve's nose I realized in panic and whispered, "No, God please, no." I snatched her into my embrace gasping, and rolled to my left side with her in my arms rocking back and forth, stroking her hair. Supernatural senses on full alert, I scoured the room to see if odd colored apples or red-eyed mobs had invaded during my sleep. I saw the T. Harry Williams volume glowing green and floating in the air over by the sofa. As that sank into my frenzied mind the light faded, it dropped to the leather cushion, and I gasped to cover the noise. The pounding in my head actually hurt quite a bit.

My Parents stood at the door and started to open it as Jasper pleaded, "Please don't. I know he's scared but this could make her talk. We need to learn more from her and her father is coming home soon."

Still angry at him, Rosalie agreed, "He's right Father."

Mother responded, "I don't want her scared, too." The touch of my singer's hands on my back pulled me out of my state.

"Bad dream?" she soothed her face pressed against my shoulder, stroking my back. I stilled. She couldn't have moved if she tried. I held her immobile in my arms until I made sure nothing else in the room started floating or glowing, yet she did not seem to mind relaxing against me.

I simply nodded incapable of speech.

Fearing her disdain I opened my eyes to find her face simply curious, "Do you want to talk about it?" I knew mentioning what I had seen would deeply distress her and couldn't take that risk especially given her recovery. Now I had even more motivation to solve the list of concerns that troubled my human. Genevieve had to have sent me that dream. Then again, she would have made it hurt more; perhaps that message was communication from Liam?

"You'll think I'm silly." I hedged.

With wise eyes she smiled, "Too late. I already think you're silly so you can't sink further in my eyes Fake Boyfriend. As your Fake Girlfriend I insist you tell me so I can Fake comfort you." She squeezed me in her arms for a moment and hid her face in my shoulder. I loved her Fake sense of humor and her real tone of gentle sarcasm. My gasping slowed as I shook instead with nervous laughter. My lips moved at I attempted to find the words. How could I say, "Guess what? I just saw your family gruesomely murdered by Billy Black over a parcel of rocky land? Who knew?"

At vampire pitch I heard Father, "Edward are you well? My Parents' thoughts indicated they had witnessed me having a bad dream and refrained from waking me from my nightmare for fear of disturbing my dear little one. They stood right outside the room and they had not seen the floating book.

I answered them at the same frequency, "I dreamed that her Grandparents and Great uncle were murdered by Billy when they refused to sell their land to him. He released bees into the house."

"That's strange. I don't recall her father mentioning anything about their deaths when we talked and I don't remember anything in the computerized records. Clearly Billy was never suspected, or no one realized what happened." Carlisle murmured at the same pitch.

Emmett said, "Where were they murdered?"

"In the kitchen, it was swarmed with bees. When Jericho fell he slammed a few of them into the wallpaper and dented the wallboard." I tried to block that detail out of my mind. Charlie looked a lot like his father.

"When we renovated the house you could see that the wall on the right side of the kitchen had been repaired and repainted a few years back. They did a good job. Edward, was one of Hezekiah's gifts the ability to look into the future?"

"Yes, he told us that night in 1940 that we had to leave Gregory Clearwater alive for five more years because he knew that Harry would be born."

"Who's to say he couldn't see the past?" Emmett said, "Cause this does not sound like a vision, and Genevieve would have sent it when we were awake. And knowing her, she would have made sure we all saw it and felt it because she's wired that way."

Jasper groused, "True."

"Did you have the same hyper-aware senses like we all did during the visions in your dream?" Rosalie asked.

"No, actually, I didn't." I whispered back at vampire pitch over my singer's soft shoulder. "Father, I'm confused because their medical records said they died of asthma. Could you please look them up?" Thank God her allergy testing had revealed she was not allergic to bees herself. I would have had a nervous breakdown on the spot. She never would have been permitted to set food outside the house. Then again, that didn't sound so bad after all, I mused. Her, me, and a house. And to be on the safe side I'd definitely have to repeat that test to ensure she was not allergic. I think we had enough epi pens to take that chance. The alternative was unimaginable.

Jasper and Emmett suddenly were eager to take a trip to the hospital basement and fled the house and their irate wives. My singer running her fingers through my hair pulled me back into our conversation as the memory of her Grandmother's death rattled through my brain like a freight train running over a twig on the tracks.

"Hey, earth to Fake Boyfriend," her hand poked me in the side. I realized I was ticklish of all things.

"I apologize for my inattention."

"Confession time Fake Boyfriend." I almost smirked. Like I'd confess anything to her in front of an audience. But I had to say something. This might hurt her but I had to try.

"I had the strangest dream. I'm afraid you'll think me mad."

"Too late. I already _know_ you're 'mad, bad, and dangerous to know' so feel free to tell me." She sounded so sincere. And she made quips about Lord Byron in the process. I definitely had to marry her. Despite her only knowing the Pretend Me, I found myself wanting to talk to her. How strange.

"I was in the kitchen of your house, and the walls had different colored paper on them. Flowers, I think. There were three people and I think they were your Grandparents and your Great uncle. Liam limped with his left leg I think" She stilled in my arms. Her hands did not stop trying to comfort me. Guarded, she said, "Were they ax murdering anyone?"

"I can confidently assure you they committed no crimes or misdemeanors." Aside from dying, but when last I checked that wasn't a crime.

"What did Grandmother do that upset you?" Die horribly before my eyes? I couldn't tell her that, so I decided to dodge the question. I needed more time to think.

"How do you know she did something to upset me?"

"Stop avoiding the question Fake boyfriend; she's my Grandmother and I know her better than you do. If she's appearing in your dream she's probably doing something alarming because that was her nature when she was alive."

"Why is she speaking of Genevieve as if she isn't dead?" Mother whispered at vampire pitch.

"Has she guest starred in any one else's dreams that you know?" I responded to my human.

"No."

"I see." Actually I didn't. She still kept secrets my dear little one.

"You have still failed to answer the question. Either she or Liam said or did something that disturbed you." Aside from dying before my eyes seizing and gasping on the floor while I screamed at them to live, they didn't scare me a bit. We could visit every night I felt so cheerful. Kidding. Not.

"I heard her say that she had ensured that you would be safe and protected for your entire life, and I wasn't sure what she meant but she sounded awfully firm in that belief." I edited. Severely. I neglected to mention Billy Black's starring role saving that for another day.

"That sounds like her. So what did Great Uncle Liam do that disturbed you?"

"How do you know he did? It could have been your Grandfather."

"Liam was scarier. He had a slight limp before he died and refused to let it show unless he was so upset he forgot to act. And Grandfather Jericho avoided conflict unless his back was against a wall. Then he'd act and I can't see him as the scaring you in the first dream type."

"He said something about vengeance and butterflies."

Since I held her in my arms I could not see her reaction on her face so I reached out with my mind for my pet to help me. Her heart rate increased for a few moments and I knew thinking about them caused her grief. I had to find out what I could so I could protect her. It couldn't be helped. In a corner of my mind her face appeared. For a second a tormented expression flitted across her face before it vanished like a mirage.

"Now you think I'm insane don't you?" my voice sounded mournful.

"No." She didn't even pause to think before saying it. Her voice sounded sincere.

"Why ever not?"

"Can I tell you a secret?" she whispered trembling. Her hands stilled on my back and grasped the fabric of my shirt nervously. She hid her eyes in my shoulder again. I had this funny burning feeling in my chest at smelling her fear in her blood.

"You can tell me anything." Well she could. I pulled her closer against me careful not to hurt her ribs and kissed the top of her head. I was quickly becoming a fan of kissing her head. It put her scent on my lips for hours. Jugurtha grumbled that I wasn't doing it properly but for some odd reason licking her hair seemed inappropriate at that precise moment and I told him. He grumbled, skulking to his corner.

In a flat tone she said, "Billy Black murdered my Grandparents and Great uncle." How she knew _that_ was beyond me. She couldn't read my mind. I think.

* * *

**AN: Her Father comes back in the next chapter. And you'll meet Paula. Now that you see how cozy Edward has made his life, having his singer around 24/7, think how upset he's going to be once her Dad gets back into town and they are back in school.  
**

**Here's a spoiler for the next section:**

_**Once the electronic dust had settled, Charlie raced over to Paula's house and they fought. Paula proved close lipped about the whole shoddy affair simply stating that her brother was fixated on having a son – another one to groom because he had rejected Jacob. Charlie spluttered aghast. "Why? He's a perfectly good kid."**_

"_**Because he's not Billy's."**_

**Thanks for reading. Dream Edward is hoping for a review. Jugurtha is demanding some love. Starched Shirt Edward is blinking at you. **


	26. HOD pt 15 Butterflies & Homecomings

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. So There.**

**Many thanks to my validating beta vjgm.**

**I am dedicating this chapter to EVERY reader. Every last one of you. I understand your time is valuable and I appreciate that you gifted me with it to read my story. Thank you!  
**

**

* * *

Refresher from the last chapter:**

"_**Can I tell you a secret?" she whispered trembling. Her hands stilled on my back and grasped the fabric of my shirt nervously. She hid her eyes in my shoulder again. I had this funny burning feeling in my chest at smelling her fear in her blood.**_

"_**You can tell me anything." Well she could. I pulled her closer against me careful not to hurt her ribs and kissed the top of her head. I was quickly becoming a fan of kissing her head. It put her scent on my lips for hours. Jugurtha grumbled that I wasn't doing it properly but for some odd reason licking her hair seemed inappropriate at that precise moment and I told him. He grumbled, skulking to his corner.**_

_**In a flat tone she said, "Billy Black murdered my Grandparents and Great uncle." How she knew **__**that**__** was beyond me. She couldn't read my mind. I think.**_

**AN: Edward experienced a dream of Bella's Grandparents and Great-uncle being murdered by Billy Black over their land. The Quileute tribe has a legend that the land owned by Genevieve and Liam that adjoins their reservation holds a priceless power. Sue Clearwater told Esme during their visit to the house that Bella was not permitted to attend the funerals and Sue said they all died of asthma attacks on the same night. Our chapter picks back up with Edward and Bella talking. You should also know that because they promised Charlie they would keep her safe; whenever Edward falls asleep his parents sit in his room watching to make sure he doesn't chomp on Bella's neck or any other body part for that matter. They have dashed out into the hallway because they sensed she was awake and did not want to frighten her. Rosalie and Mary Alice are sitting in their room reading. Jasper and Emmett who are still in the doghouse are returning from the hospital where they have found all of the medical records for Bella's family.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Fifteen – Butterflies and Homecomings**

"Seriously?"

"Yes." She sounded forlorn.

"Oh that poor child," Mother and Father said in unison.

"How do you know? I don't doubt you. I'm simply confused," I assured her hurriedly at the mental bellowing of Rosalie and Mary Alice about my tact or lack thereof.

"My Grandmother told me they would be murdered by Billy, although she didn't know when . . ." her shoulders shook and her voice broke off.

That sounded like something Genevieve would do, now that I thought about it. But for her to tell her adolescent Granddaughter? That sounded positively sick. At vampire pitch, all my family cautioned me that I had to be careful with her: advice I ignored at it was painfully obvious. I wouldn't break her ribs while holding her. I knew better by now how to be careful. Cautiously, I pulled away from her so I could see her face. I stroked her hair away from her forehead wiping away a tear with my thumb. She calmed quickly, oddly enough, in my arms, thank God. I hated to see her cry. In the pitch black of the room I knew she couldn't see me but I studied her eyes regardless to guide me. They were so difficult to read.

"That must have been terrible to hear." That sounded good. Appropriate. Mary Alice thought so.

"She knew they'd all die from asthma?" I had to find out what she knew and if the dream was real.

"They didn't die of asthma. She told me they'd be murdered with bees. They were all highly allergic to them."

"Empathize with her you moron," Rosalie snarled.

"I can't even begin to imagine Bella…" Well actually I could but it sounded good to my ears. And no one in the family tried to kill me.

"I didn't believe her. I remember thinking she had a stroke or something and telling Great Uncle Liam I was worried she was sick." Father mentally complimented her on her advanced thinking for her age considering she had been 12 at the time. I agreed.

Rosalie said, "Edward, ask more open ended questions to get her to speak longer. This is important." Of course it was important. What did they think I was an imbecile?

"What did Liam say?" There, that'll show them.

"He told me that he loved me and he would take care of her and that he would always watch over me no matter what." Her voice took on a far-away sound as she actually relaxed more in my arms.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you know if your relatives ever tried to be treated for their allergy to bee stings? Did they have epi-shots in the house? Anti-histimines?"

My singer thought for a moment before answering, "I know all of them had heart conditions and asthma, so I remember seeing the epi-pens, too. Can you even treat an allergy to bee stings?"

"Yes, actually, you can. My Father has had a few cases he's told the family about."

"So you're telling me they died for nothing?"

"Oh no, Bella. I don't know if they could do it back then, though. We'll have to get their medical records to find out. And we'll have to do some research on what they knew at that time about bee sting allergies. I'll help."

"We can't look." She sounded frantic.

"Excuse me?"

"If I start poking around Billy will find out that I know." Her voice started to rise.

"How?" It's not like he watched the hospital every day from a set of binoculars twisting his waxed mustache. And legally he couldn't touch their records. Not that accessing medical records had ever been a problem for me. But still. I was a special case.

"Did you ever wonder why no one said they were murdered? I mean three people die on one night all from bee stings?"

"Of course now that you mention it. That's a good question."

"Billy's cousin was the coroner at the time."

"So you think he was in on it?"

"I don't believe in coincidences like that around Billy Black."

"Did your father ever tell you how they passed?"

"No. He just said they did. It was a closed casket funeral and I know Billy and Jacob both skipped it. I wasn't allowed to go." Knowing Charles' penchant for avoiding reality even painfully obvious reality that all made sense. How he caught criminals was, of course, beyond me. Perhaps he only wrote tickets for speeding?

Father said, "So she only has her grandmother's word that they died that way. And Edward, sorry but a dream is not enough evidence. The only way to know for sure would be to dig up the bodies if we cannot find this information in the coroner's report." I wondered how Genevieve would take digging her out of her grave.

"So you think his cousin falsified records?"

"I do. I have no idea why."

"Was the cousin on Billy's side or his wife's?"

"I think Jacob's mother's side." Well that explained it. His mother's line was stark raving mad due to that pesky history of matricide, patricide, and fratricide. Insanity, too. I added it to my list of things to solve in regards to my human.

Killing someone, make that three someones, over a parcel of land seemed awfully extreme, not to mention inconvenient for a mortal to do. Billy could just marry Jacob off to her when she was older and skip that whole murdering step. Her Father would have inherited the land and Billy didn't kill him. But then again, the illustrious Billy Black was trying to have his sister conceive Chief Swan's spawn. Maybe that's why Charlie still had a pulse. Why anyone would want another child when _she_ miraculously existed baffled me. Hiding Seth now made perfect sense, though. I wondered if the elusive Paula knew about the murder. My brain bounced at vampire speed from thought to thought trying to aid my singer with her convoluted life. And I thought I had problems.

I continued to try to soothe her and stroked her back, "What possible motivation could Billy have had to do something so terrible?" Seeing her scared made me positively grouchy. Her suffering indeed was my suffering.

"Greed, is one thing. And there's this story about the owners of the land having priceless power which has had people breaking in and searching the place for years. And I inherit it when I turn 18 in a few months."

"They cut their own son out of their will?" And grandson? And she knew the legend? I knew Genevieve was cold-hearted in her behavior at times, but goodness cutting two relatives out of the will? That seemed harsh even for her.

"Basically. They said they didn't trust him to know what to do with it in the will and that I had more common sense. I want to put dynamite across the land and blow it to kingdom come."

As my mind wandered a thought occurred to me. The blood I did have in my body froze, "Has Billy pestered you to sell the land to him?"

"Twice." She said to my shirt, twisting the fabric in her hands. My hands stilled on her back.

"When?" I was going to kill the bastard. I didn't care if he was in a wheelchair. I was going to do it for the principle of the thing. As a matter of fact, I'd have done it immediately if she weren't awake in my arms. My human needed me. I could prioritize.

"When I was 14 at a cookout he told me he needed my autograph on some paperwork to make a memorial at La Push to my Grandparents and Uncle Liam. The papers in his hand offered me half the market value of the land," she snorted.

"What did you tell him?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, "I didn't answer. I walked away and stood by my Dad." Apparently that must have been good enough. She stayed silent.

"When was the second occasion?"

"He stopped by in the last week in December."

"He came to your house?" Fortune alone smiled upon me permitting me to use a mild tone.

"Yes. I've never dialed a phone so fast in all my life. I called my Dad."

"Does Billy know you suspect him?"

"I don't think so. He doesn't think I'm smart. I told him that I would not sell to him because I promised my Great Uncle that I'd turn it into a butterfly preserve. And I acted like my Mom a lot when I said it and twirled my hair." Her lips twitched. "He left quickly. Dad shouted over the phone at him later that night that he better leave me alone. They stopped speaking to each other after that. I've never heard my Dad yell ever."

"Billy's been in a chair for over a year, correct? How did he get into your house?"

"He didn't. He came to the door and I talked to him through the locked screen door." Smart girl.

"So what happened then?"

"The next day was Saturday. Dad took out the wheelchair ramp that we had put to make it easier for Great Uncle Liam to get into the house. He said the wood was rotting and he never got around to replacing it." In his own passive-aggressive way Charlie had managed to make his house safe provided she didn't open the door to the bastard.

"There's hope," Rosalie said, "her father is not a complete moron."

"I'm afraid I'd have to disagree with you on that, my dear." Father said. I tuned them out to ask my singer a question.

"Do they speak now?"

"Not really. Since Billy hates the Clearwaters he stays away from me when I'm on the reservation. Dad always makes me promise to stay with them."

Rosalie said, "I think that's why Jacob came to get her at the hospital. Her father wasn't around, nor were the Clearwaters. It was a perfect opportunity for him to strike. I can see him taking her back to his house and trying to convince her to sell to him."

Funny, I could too. His and Billy's sudden interest in her occurred in accordance with the approach of her 18th birthday. Coincidence? I think not. And then there was that whole silly belief that mere proximity to a vampire would cause a Quileute with the wolf gene to instantly transform into a eight foot tall reeking hairy dog which explained their added reason for showing up to the hospital. I bet, upon further reflection, Billy thought it would spark the wolf gene in him and cure him.

Jugurtha emerged from his cave wearing what appeared to be a new look for him: faded jeans, black leather boots, and a black t-shirt, that to my eyes was far too tight. "And if she were pregnant with Black's child," Jugurtha whispered, "that would take care of the problem with Paula now wouldn't it?" I could tell by Rosalie's thoughts that she and Jugurtha agreed as I sucked in a breath I didn't need at a thought I didn't like.

Starched Shirt Edward whined that Jugurtha's jeans were too tight. We both waved at him to hush and said, "Quiet, thinking here."

Starched Shirt Edward continued, "But the way that shirt is so tight on your back and the snug fit of those trousers. It is inappropriate. We can't go out in public like that? What will people think?"

Jugurtha thwacked him across the forehead and said, "We don't go in public. I know you're jealous you don't have this outfit. It's actually much more comfortable than what you are wearing. And I'm not being strangled by a tie with an itchy shirt. Now hush. The fertility issue is troubling."

I decided two things at that moment. First, she was never having sexual intercourse with anyone with a pulse that regularly operated. Second, she was going on birth control medication. Immediately.

To my joy, Rosalie had the same idea. Well not the first but definitely the second. I could count on her to ensure my singer was properly protected from pregnancy.

Jugurtha added, "And we most definitely need to pay Billy a visit and have a chat with him about her welfare. Perhaps we should just take care of the problem and kill him? He wouldn't be missed. Accidents happen." True. So true. With that dream, Genevieve had bumped Billy to the top of our list of issues in the life of our singer that required our intervention. He was dead. He just didn't know it yet, I vowed. And since I hadn't found the red-eyed people clearly destiny wanted me to kill him instead. The dreams that I think Genevieve sent told me so. Considering her recent destruction of Emmett's jeep and the ease with which she had handled both him and me, why Genevieve hadn't bounced me like a tennis ball down to the Black house to dispatch him already also made me curious. Subtle she was not.

Out loud I declared, "Neither Jacob nor Billy Black will ever lay a hand on you."

"That's not within your ability to control, but its sweet of you to say Fake Boyfriend." Like hell. She continued sorrowfully, "I'm sorry my Real relatives are disturbing your current dreams." She had no idea how true that particular statement was, actually.

Rosalie put down her book and nodding in agreement with Mary Alice said, "Get back to her nightmares, Edward."

"Do they usually disturb yours?"

"Now and then," she vaguely said.

"You're dodging the question Fake Girlfriend. As your Fake Boyfriend I insist on being allowed to properly comfort you, as is appropriate for our Fake Relationship. I have impeccable Fake standards to maintain you know." I couldn't help but tease her although I failed to earn a smile.

Mother thought I was so sweet with my singer. I'd have to remember to work up the courage to tease her more often in front of my Parents.

"Sometimes I dream of things that happened growing up like remembering them teaching me something or a talk that we had. I always wake up in a good mood, so I don't mind so much." She shrugged her shoulders.

"But you have nightmares that disturb you. They aren't in them?"

"Oh no. They have never been in those."

"Do you have the same nightmare or are they different? Mine change all the time." I could tell breathing on her and stroking her hair was relaxing her into a state where I suspected she was more willing to talk than she ordinarily would.

It seemed like an eternity before she confessed, "It's usually the same one."

"What frightens you about it?"

"Have you ever been hunted like an animal?" she asked in a curious tone.

"My brothers and I have played hide and seek in the woods and Emmett can be pretty scary. Aside from that? No." It went without saying that I usually did the hunting, not the reverse.

The calm in her voice made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand, "I dream they are _this close_ to finding me in the dark, while insincere voices call out to me. I hate it."

"You mentioned in the hospital when you were sick that you had these nightmares all the time. What did you mean?"

"I've had them all my life."

"I'm very sorry. I know how much I don't like my nightmares. But I've only been having them lately." That was true. Honestly was wonderful for a change. This whole communication business occasionally paid off. I even made my voice low and sincere.

"When you were sick you said your Grandmother told you that you could never answer the voices."

"She did tell me that," her tone mixed wonderment and caution.

"Did she tell you what would happen if you answered?"

"They'd know who I was." She snuggled against me.

"They don't call you by name?" She shook her head "no". If they had her scent she'd have been dead as would her Grandmother.

"How do you know they are searching for you then?" my voice conveyed my confusion.

"Well they aren't just looking for me. They encourage each other to keep trying saying that this time they'll find _them_."

"Did you see them harming you in the dream?"

"No, because I've never answered them. She made me promise to never answer them no matter how angry or frightened I was or what they threatened to do, or promised me in return. She told me as long as I stayed quiet they could never harm me."

"How would she have known that?"

"Because she and Liam had the same dreams. Grandfather used to have to hold her sometimes. I knew I wasn't crazy when I saw her having one. She described the exact dream to me that I've been having down to the moss on the trees."

"But she made you promise to stay silent during nightmares?" I couldn't help but have a disbelieving tone. "You can't control what you say when you're asleep, Bella. And you sleep talk often." That was particularly true of her as her very nice and intelligent Grandmother regularly turned her into a human sock puppet for reasons I can only imagine that stemmed from her personal amusement at toying with us.

"Oh. I hope I haven't disturbed you. Do you want me to move to another room?" She tried to leave the bed. She didn't get far.

"Heavens no," I said the absolute truth holding her just a bit tighter, "I'm used to it by now. Forget I even mentioned it."

"But you need your sleep." She sounded concerned.

"And I get it every night with you at my side. I must insist you remain here. I require the presence of my beloved Fake Girlfriend for Real comforting at present." Please. Pretty please? I was willing to grovel.

"Fine."

I heaved a sigh I didn't realize I had been holding. "I know it sounds strange, but I've never answered them in the dream" she said.

"Have they threatened you in your dreams?"

"Oh All the time." I was going to with glee dismember and burn these vampires just as soon as I figured out who they were. No one picked on my human. She was tensing again, so I changed my line of questioning.

Jasper and Emmett arrived back from their record searching foray at the hospital basement and entered having heard her words. Emmett had a stack of medical records held in his hand like a waiter holding a dinner tray. He asked Father, "Where do you want these?"

Standing outside of my room in the hallway Father sighed and said, "I'm going to fetch chairs from the dining room table. I have a feeling your Mother and I will probably be in the hall for a while." Accompanied by my brothers he retrieved two chairs, and seated Mother. To Emmett he said, "Thank you for bringing them. I'll read them here. Please place them on the floor," he pointed to a spot in the wide hallway. Jasper and Emmett realized they were crowding our Parents and retreated to Jasper's study. The first set of records Father retrieved were the coroner's report. Rosalie joined them seating herself cross-legged on the floor and began poring through the entries in the files.

Rolling up his sleeves, Jasper pulled up a chair in his study and sat, elbows on his knees. He looked like a mischievous child left loose around a china shop, nervous and excited at the same time. He requested, "Edward ask her how many vampires were in the group."

"Do you have a sense of how many people are pursuing you?"

"It's hard to say since I can't really see them."

"Ask her what she does see?" Jasper instructed. I repeated the question using a much nicer voice. And I patted her back a time or two without breaking bones or bruising her flesh.

"It's dark in the dream and I can only see about a foot in front of me. I'm surrounded by trees and am sitting behind one of them flattening myself against its trunk or curled up at its base. I can smell the forest around me, the leaves, the dirt, and my face is pressed against the moss. And it's cold. And I'm shaking. I know the sound of their voices and there are five that I recognize."

"Do you ever peek around the tree?"

She stiffened, and I started rubbing her back again to try to offer comfort, massaging her stiff muscles, "No, I can't do that."

"Why? Did your Grandmother tell you not to do it?"

"No, Liam did. And I'm afraid they'll see me."

Jasper said, "That can't be good. Blood dependent vampires would easily find a human. This is strange, or they are the stupidest vampires ever in which case we don't need to worry about them at all," he snorted in professional disdain at that thought.

Mary Alice said, "I can't get any idea of this group appearing here. I hate to say this but I think Edward's gift is influencing mine." I felt at once cheered and a wee bit guilty. It was annoying having someone who knew everything around at times, particularly when you were up to no good. I thought about suggesting she take a trip away from the house to see if it made a difference. Rosalie suggested it before I could. Drat.

"It must be her mind that protects her from them."

Mother said, "Edward could you read the twins' minds when they were born?"

At vampire pitch I whispered, "Yes, but I had a much stronger connection with Genevieve than I did Liam."

"So they did not have that ability to block your power. I have no idea how they could not find the O'Sheas for all those years if the twins didn't have that gift. And what are they using to search? It can't be a scent."

"I'm sure one of them has power of some kind."

To my singer I said, "If you can't see them, then how do you know they have red-eyes?"

"I heard one of them say it one time to another that his eye color was bright red and had not faded to maroon. I thought it strange, I guess, which is why it stood out. I mean, people don't have red eyes unless you're talking about a scary movie."

Jasper said, "Ask her if any of her other senses can tell us anything. What can she smell? Can she taste anything? Feel anything?"

"Bella, we've talked about what you can see and hear. Do your other senses tell you anything?"

She stilled. "Well, there's the fact that I can smell them."

"What do you mean them? Like all of them?"

"Yes and no."

"What do you mean?"

"In some way they all smell alike: kind of sweet. But the ones that I know their voices, I know them by scent. I know that sounds insane. I've always had a weird thing with being able to smell stuff."

"What do they smell like? The ones that you know?"

"Voice number one seems to be their leader. He smells like honey. Voice number two seems like the next one in charge and he smells like vinegar and rosemary. Voice number three has a really deep voice and I imagine him as someone freakishly tall because they always tell him to watch his head or he'll hit something. He smells like sulpher. Voice number five smells like lilacs and ginger."

"Is voice number five female?"

"Yes. The rest are male and she doesn't talk much."

"Which is he one with the eyes that you described?"

"Voice number four." She stopped talking and seemed exhausted.

Jasper barked from downstairs, "Edward, you need to compliment her for talking and reassure her so she'll confide in you more. That means you need to open your mouth and say something. Why not say, 'Bella, thank you for trusting me with this?'"

"Bella, thank you for trusting me with this." I felt like the sock puppet now.

She curled into my embrace saying nothing. I remembered to keep my body relaxed. Otherwise she would think me nervous and weak. And I couldn't have that. Fine, I was too scared to say a word since she was in my arms smelling so good. Happy?

We lapsed into silence my old friend. If she had any idea what held her in his arms that would also most likely prevent peaceful slumber. Instead she trusted fate to be kind and naively lay in a fiend's grasp. We all knew what she did not. If blood dependent vampires were searching for you and you were human, you could count the seconds of your existence.

I could tell she was falling asleep and used my hands in her hair and the Quileute power in my body to speed up that process. "I'm so sorry you were scared. I'll stay right here by your side in case the dreams come back. Close your eyes. I'll keep watch over you," I crooned as her lids fluttered shut. Jasper had told me to say that and it did sound helpful. I slowed the pattern of my breathing and fell asleep - well I pantomimed at least given my Parents hovered outside the room. I was good at that, pretending; after all I'd been doing it for decades. And if it meant being able to sit in her presence and scheme for one more day, I could assiduously pretend for a few decades more. It was the only thing I knew best, after all.

Father said, "Edward I'm reading the autopsy reports. They have no pictures. And they all say that all three simply died as a result of asthma." Sorry Genevieve but I was definitely digging you up. Your husband and brother, too.

Once my singer had drifted into her dreams to a deep enough level, I changed positions. Her lungs were weak tonight and I did not want to burden her with my weight against them. I pulled her limp body and adjusted it to my favorite manner. I kissed the top of her head as she, muttering my name, moved her hand to its familiar position clutching my shirt. Her Grandmother had told her to never call out to the red-eyed people in her sleep and yet she called my name out all the time. That had to be good. I think. Stroking her back I conceded defeat to my new part-human nature as Morpheus crept up behind me and decisively yanked me underwater and I knew no more.

That night I dreamt of my singer running through the forest alongside a river frantically searching in the foam and the flowing water around the large rocks for something. She acted terrified and kept glancing over her shoulder, ignoring the water's chill. Occasionally she reached into the flow digging under the surface with frantic hands. The worst part was when her features took on this look of anguish as something startled her and abandoning her search in the water she bolted to run. She sprinted surprisingly fast for someone so awkward in my dream. Right up until the part where she hit the ground and bounced hard smashing into a tree lying prone on the ground. Hezekiah did not appear and it disturbed me to no end to see my poor human terrified and be unable to help her. Worse, she never said a word as her eyes fluttered open; she simply wiped away the blood running down her face with her wet shirt sleeve, pushed off the ground, ran and wheezed. I kept trying to encourage her to use her inhaler or an epi pen but my lips were frozen shut and she had no idea I accompanied her at every step.

The next morning Mary Alice woke me by coming into the room passing our Parents and sitting on the sofa. Despite their observation of me and my singer while sleeping, my Parents had granted me the privacy to endure the stopping of my heart alone. Mother had wanted to stay but Father had said, "He would not want us to see, dear. Let's respect his wishes." In this respect, Father knew me well and waited outside the door. They left encouraging her to join them and she whispered, "It'll be ok." Mary Alice went and opened the shutters to the room as my heart broke in its morning ritual. I must admit that I probably clutched my human against my side harder than usual. Mary Alice whispered, "Edward loosen your arms or you'll bruise her." Guiltily, I complied. Why was she invading my privacy?

My dear little one rubbed her face sleepily against my chest before turning in my embrace facing the windows her back to me. She acted nonchalant when she woke up finding me holding her again with a smirking Mary Alice sitting nearby. She whispered, "What time is it?" as I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't look at Mary Alice right now and play the role of the happy to be immortal vampire. And I could tell from my family's thoughts my 75 year's worth of pretending not to hate this existence had paid off as they all sighed in relief with the last thud of my heart. I had died to live another day as a Cullen.

"It's six-thirty in the morning. Let's get you up shall we?"

"I don't want to leave him," my singer fretted pulling my arms closer around her scooting against my chest, much to my delight. I of course, was completely on board with this strategy. She could manhandle me anytime she wanted in bed, or out of it, for that matter truth be told.

Mary Alice said, "Yes, dear, but he's fine now."

Sounding half-asleep my human said, "Do I look like a moron? Alice, I'm in bed with a hot guy who just wants to cuddle and still respects me in the morning. I'm not moving and I need my rest." Her words made me choke at vampire pitch, especially the way they slurred right at the end. She fell right back into Morpheus' greedy embrace.

Two floors below, glancing up from the morning edition of the newspaper, Emmett said, "Sparky, you are definitely going to have to be more aggressive in your courtship." I couldn't agree more. I'd put it at the top of my list of things to accomplish in my singer's life for her betterment as soon as I finished fake sleeping by her side. I asked Jugurtha, "Could you please put erasing Billy Black from existence on our 'to do' list for the day?"

Looking up from the schedule in his hands he flipped pages clicking his tongue absentmindedly fiddling with a fountain pen. "I'm sorry, we can't kill him today. We're booked."

"Excuse me? It only takes a nanosecond to dispatch a measly human."

"True, a nano-second you aren't going to have. Her Father comes back soon. Which would you rather do spend time by her side while you can or kill Billy Black and give up that time? Quality singer time is priceless." I thanked goodness I gave him a name. He earned his keep. "You're right," I sighed. "Move it back further in the week."

"You have time for mayhem Friday after school. But you have to catch up on your homework first, or Mother won't let us leave since we have missed so much school and need to show as a sign of goodwill that we are responsible as always." Not only could I not masturbate appropriately. It seemed I couldn't even find time to schedule murdering a useless wastrel like Billy Black without being inconvenienced by doing mundane mortal chores like homework. I failed at being an immortal seventeen year old in more ways than one.

Mother quickly chastised my siblings into silence drawing my attention from my mental scheming. Much to my surprise, I found myself growling at Mary Alice at vampire frequency to encourage her to leave my poor dear little one in peace as my singer pulled my leaden arm around her and cuddled against my side. Mary Alice had no reason to peruse me that way as she sulked from the room. I ensured my hands were in appropriate places so my behavior could not be deemed wrong. This whole faking being asleep routine would definitely be repeated as often as I could wheedle her into our bed. I needed to come up with a campaign to finagle myself into her bed since unfortunately her father would return. I had no intention of abandoning our new nightly quality singer pressed against my flesh sessions. They were therapy for me, after all. And her as well since I kept the red-eyed people from her. And provided entertainment for her relatives.

Besides, we were, after all, Fake Dating. I wasn't sure what to do about my body temperature, though. Her comment about me being "hot" – that had to be wrong as due to my occasionally beating heart I most likely ran at 98.6 degrees until my blood cooled when we lay in bed together. I'd have to check with Father about whether or not my temperature fluctuated too much. And I did not want to leave to go to school although I knew my Parents expected it. Perhaps I should come down with a raging sore throat?

My family allowed me another hour basking in my human's embrace. I began to suspect something was amiss when Rosalie, blocking her thoughts, approached my side of the bed, Mary Alice hot on her heels, blocking hers as well. Wearing a sincere smile, cruelly, she yanked me by the ear from my Fake Girlfriend's embrace as I, to my shame and siblings' amusement, yelped like a young child. My singer's slumber continued unabated.

"Edward, we're going back to school." Rosalie beamed.

To my annoyance, Mother insisted from the kitchen as she stirred my human's breakfast, "Edward, you have missed enough school. Any more will draw undue notice." On that note, Jasper sailed into the room carrying a fresh outfit that he had personally laundered and ironed and with a smirk stuffed them into my hands. Jasper took his newly liberated hands and led me to the bathroom by the elbow. Shoving me inside, he closed the door so I could change, and damn him, guarded it so I could not leave. It would have been rude to shove him out of the way like a linebacker in a football game through the defensive line of my siblings and hurl myself to the bed. Rude, but I still considered it as I shaved my face at vampire speed. Jugurtha from his cave advised, "Making a scene will only show them you are weak. We should go to school."

"Someone has to look after our dear little one's needs. And she's still so frail. I want to stay here and pray to the Blessed Mother on her behalf. And those girls these days dress like slatterns." Starched Shirt Edward entreated. I quite agreed. With the staying at home part, that is. I may not have done it in 75 years, but I felt positively inspired to reach down and find my rosary beads. I was willing to compromise my principles and pray by her side all day long. For once, Starched Shirt Edward did have a point. Prayer outranked school. I had enough degrees to last six lifetimes.

In desperation I tried to lure Father into a medical consultation concerning my body temperature. All my siblings had left for a quick bite after depositing me downstairs in his study.

"Father, I'm concerned because she says I'm too warm."

He glanced up from the medical records he was completing, "By that are you referring to her comment about you being a 'hot guy?'" his tone sounded amused. There was nothing funny about her guessing about my nature, Father confused me so.

"Exactly."

"Edward that is slang terminology for someone who is attractive to humans." Carlisle's lips twitched according to my pet.

My Father who had been turned in the 1600's now had more knowledge of pop culture than I: my life was doomed. Wait, she thought I was hot? Seriously? But she didn't touch me like the other human girls tried to when they had romantic thoughts. Nor did she stare at me in a similar manner, especially now. And she complimented my gentlemanly behavior, I think. Yet she simply acted….normal. She was surely jesting with Alice. I could read humans impeccably. I'd been doing it for years. I'd have to try harder.

He continued, "But you raise a very good point; your body temperature does fluctuate so you will have to be careful about touching her once your body has cooled. She could notice."

Jugurtha said to me, "Sue Clearwater told Mother that she did not like being touched and the family respected it."

"So?"

"She lets you touch her. She even initiates touch with you."

I smiled to myself. I had hope from the mouth of a predator. Then I frowned as I realized I was being dragged away from my woman. I mean my prey – I mean by Fake Girlfriend. Ack!

When I skulked into the kitchen Mother handed me a bag of warmed deer blood - the vampire equivalent of those Capri Suns Mike Newton sucked on at lunch. Rosalie and Alice and Emmett were standing nearby ready to leave. Jasper deadpanned, "Come on hot stuff," and tugged me by the jacket from the house to the chortles of my siblings who frog-marched me to the car, Rosalie on one side, Jasper on the other, me in the middle bleating like a staked lamb before a looming beast. The only advantage was my Fake Girlfriend's scent remained in the car so I felt calmer during the drive. School felt tortuous and even the sight of Newton on his crutches failed to amuse me. Since he was whining mentally about how much his shoulders hurt rather than engaging in his physically impossible and repulsive inappropriate fantasies involving my singer, I caught him when he fell over in class. Gingerly, I propped him into his chair as his crutches clattered to the floor.

"Thanks, man." He muttered embarrassed as the entire class saw him fall and felt bad for him. I didn't feel bad for him at all, but manners dictated that catching him after breaking both his legs accidentally-on-purpose was the polite thing to do. My Mother raised me right.

I nodded without a word and turned to face the teacher. The human girls in the class decided that I now had the habit of rescuing people all the time and they couldn't wait for their turn. God help me, I mentally rolled my eyes. Humans were so foolish. They read romance into everything.

My day turned south when Mary Alice had a vision that flashed through my mind of Charlie Swan and his erstwhile female companion returning early. Already considering my options of eloping with my singer that night, she cut me off saying, "He's going to ask Father if she can stay with us for a few more days while he sorts things out with Paula. Relax." Oh, well, that made things entirely different. It's good to see he discovered some common sense while he was out of town and returned to handle his sordid affair and guard his bodily fluids. Five minutes later, I listened as Charlie called and asked Father if he could impose on our hospitality for a few more days to care for his ailing child. We were clearly the safest place for his daughter. While gratified at the stay of execution, for the principle of the thing, I resumed sulking over my forced separation from my singer.

Angela Webber and Ben Cheney were one of the few pleasant exchanges I permitted to occur with the surrounding clueless humans. Sheep, most of them, I sighed in boredom.

"Edward, how is Bella doing?" Ben asked with Angela standing nearby with a hopeful expression.

Since they asked after my human's welfare and genuinely meant it, I decided a conversation couldn't hurt. I needed practice with the teeming masses.

"She is asleep under my Mother's watchful eye." There. That was good.

"Is she better?" Angela prodded. Didn't I just say that?

"She is still weak but improves with every moment." That sounded good, confident. Dispassionate.

As they talked and I answered in short bursts, I noticed unusual amounts of thoughts aimed in my direction. Great Caesar's ghost! The spiteful wench Lauren Mallory had started a rumor my singer suffered from leprosy. Angela and Ben had quashed that, much to my relief, although Lauren continued to press her case on the other side of school with a group of impressionable freshman girls.

Jugurtha Predator whispered in my ear, "It's not appropriate to hit her but that doesn't mean you can't avenge our human and have the moral high ground in the process, even if she is a woman." I liked the way his mind worked, I nodded.

Starched Shirt Edward opined about the evils of malicious gossip and noticeably refused to pray for Lauren's soul. I liked that even more. I added Lauren to the list of concerns of our human that needed to be addressed. It kept me organized and Jugurtha was a handy assistant with a good memory and tolerable penmanship.

I moped with my siblings at lunch and Jasper tried to divert me with a game of chess. Emmett cheerfully mimed consuming his human food like a good sport having lost our bet. Both brothers attempted to be calm as their mates sat across rather than beside them as usual. Even with that factor, Jasper trounced me soundly, commenting on my lack of focus with glee. I heard the humans around me think that I acted lost without my usual chess partner. One even went so far as to say I appeared "pathetic" and "love sick". Others tried to ascertain if I had caught pneumonia from snogging my singer. I'd show them pathetic as soon as I had her within my reach at school, I harrumphed. Humans were so easy to bamboozle. It was like child's play. Fortunately for me the police were nowhere near when I sped back to the house that afternoon.

With glee, I listened as Paula Black and Charlie Swan simultaneously turned on their cell phones and checked their messages in the lobby of the Forks airport that night. Both mumbled, "I'll see you later," before heading in opposite directions. Calling Harry, Charlie Swan received the tongue lashing of his life. Harry moved from ranting about my human and her newfound disability and Charlie's obvious ineptitude as a parent to bellowing about Billy Black. With a sinking heart, Charlie Swan opened his email account and read the multiple messages I'd gifted him wondering what in the heck was going on in Forks. His mind couldn't comprehend why his long-term girlfriend would be plotting with Billy to have his kid. He used protection every time and he knew Paula was on the pill. He'd seen her take her medication enough times to know. This didn't make sense.

Chortling with glee, I decided to pay the mysterious Ms. Black a visit. We were long overdue for a chat.

Once the electronic dust had settled, Charlie raced over to Paula Black's house and they fought. Ms. Black proved close lipped about the whole shoddy affair simply stating that her brother was fixated on having a son – another one to groom because he had rejected Jacob. Charlie spluttered aghast. "Why? He's a perfectly good kid."

"Because he's not Billy's."

"What?" Charlie actually shouted that line.

"Jacob's mother had an affair, and didn't know who the father was. I've quietly had Jacob tested and he's not a Black."

"Does Billy know?"

"Of course. He considers him his "replacement son" until he manages to get his hand on a "real" Black. Billy doesn't consider the daughters he has valuable, either, because they only had girls. I stayed around to watch over Jacob." I noticed she left out that whole part about, "Oh by the way we have a son and I've been pretending to ignore him for over a decade. Congratulations! Have a cigar."

"Does Jacob know?"

"Of course not, that would kill him although I've been tempted to tell him for years."

"Why all the lies?" My point exactly.

"I know she wasn't suicidal. I think she had a friendly shove that pushed her off that cliff. And I can't prove a thing."

Charlie's eyes narrowed as he considered her claims. He couldn't argue against them. He thought Billy was a creep. And he really didn't like Billy nosing around his little girl a few months back he thought with increasing alarm pestering her about her land. Then denial kicked in and he tried to calm his thoughts.

"I understand you're angry with me for keeping this from you. I didn't want to cause unnecessary stress in your life. I've learned how to handle him over the years so that he thinks he's getting what he wants. Jacob will be an adult in almost three years and I'm counting the days until I can legally get him out from under Billy's roof."

"Why not tell him the truth and talk to his birth father?"

"He died the week after Jacob's mother did in a single car accident. His brakes failed and he conveniently drove into a dumpster owned by Billy's company." She didn't even bother to hide the scorn in her voice. Charlie took it in stride.

"Does you brother have an alibi?"

"Of course. Not that I believe it for a second. I'm a lawyer, Charlie if I could throw him away for that I would, blood or not."

"What about the money from the trust fund?"

"I've stored it away in an offshore account in names of the children. I haven't spent a penny and I'm happy to show you the records." She handed him a stack of forms.

He leafed through them carefully and sighed, "I wish you would have trusted me to tell me."

"I'm sorry for that, but I'm trusting you now," she lied to his face. "You have a problem."

"Billy is obsessed with her."

"What?" Charlie's face turned beet red. I now saw where my singer resembled him.

"Not like that, but close. He wants Jacob to marry her. And he's put a lot of pressure on Jake to do so."

"Marriage?" Charlie did a double-take, "Jacob has never once come to the house when she's been there. I don't even think he _likes_ her. And what good would getting Jacob to marry her do if Billy's rejected him? He wouldn't care about grandchildren."

"You're absolutely right. Doesn't it make you wonder?" She retorted acidly.

"Wonder what?"

"What Billy has planned? He's been increasingly impatient since I had my last birthday, ranting that I'm getting too old to get pregnant. I'm afraid he might do something drastic."

"Now let's not over-react. We have no proof. And Bells could do a lot worse than Jake." I see the stupid gene was dominant. No wonder Genevieve was frantic.

"Jacob is not interested in Bella, but he'll do what Billy wants him to. Billy is upset that she's been seen with the Cullen's son and wants to break them up with Jacob." A Black was plotting to keep me and my human together? This most definitely required a meeting of the minds.

"Why would you not want Jacob with her? She's a good girl. And he's a great kid."

Because, you're right, he doesn't even like her Charlie." This woman was full of surprises. I should have raided her email account earlier.

"Bella isn't serious about that Cullen boy. He's just teaching her how to drive in the snow and they were kind enough to help her when she was sick. Esme and Carlisle were amazing to fix the house the way they did. I still can't get over that." Oh that man was blessedly obtuse, "And Bells could do worse than date Jacob." God he was a complete idiot. "But she makes her own decisions. I'll not push her." Charlie waved his arms as if keeping Paula at bay.

Paula's next words managed to acquire my avid attention.

"Billy wants the land Genevieve and Liam owned, Charlie, and Bella is how he intends to obtain it. There's a legend about the land that he believes. He thinks if he gets the land he can take over the tribe."

"Donkey dust. You and I both know that's not true. The farm is her inheritance. If she married Jacob it would go to their children."

"You're assuming she'd live long enough to have them. Billy doesn't need Jacob for a grandchild and he doesn't consider him worthy of offering one. He's been pressuring me to have your baby. Since I haven't he's using Jake as his back up plan," she lied to his face.

"Even if they marry and have a child, how does Billy profit? She is the one who inherits; it can't go to Jake even if she did die."

"Jake would probably be convinced to do artificial insemination by Billy and Billy would use his own sperm," Charlie looked revolted. As well he should. "You should know, Billy's been storing samples at a clinic in Port Angeles and two in Seattle."

"Jake would just be a placeholder for Billy, really. What do you think would happen to her after a baby was born? She's your only heir," those cruel words arrived in such a clinical tone, particularly given she lied to his face so calmly. "Because I can guarantee once he had his plan accomplished both she and Jake would be in the way."

I wanted to break things. Starting with Billy's spine. Oh wait. Too late on that one. I'd settle then with ripping his throat from his body. His testicles, too. And killing Jacob as much as I didn't like the brat was slightly morally wrong. The world needed more Don Quixotes tilting at windmills like the young Mr. Black. He offered entertainment.

"Look, this is getting into dreaming up things that we don't even know are true. You sound like she's going to run off and marry that Cullen kid because your brother is misreading the situation." I wondered how Genevieve had spawned such a deep thinker.

"There is something about Bella you should know that your Mother once told me, Charlie."

"Yeah?" his voice warmed thinking of his Mother.

"Swans mate for life. And your daughter most definitely is a Swan." Even Paula Black endorsed our courtship and predicted its success. I turned away from their discussion as it quickly became tiresome blathering about mutual trust and communication. I had to attend to the needs of my singer.

Any normal vampire would be concerned at being separated from his helpless singer. My fears were justified given her history. I grumbled as I heard Mary Alice invite my singer to join her and Rosalie in "their" bedroom. Rosalie's clothes had conveniently grown legs and had scampered into the closet to complete the illusion which now, ironically enough, was the truth. They captured my fair human and subjected her to hours of pointless conversation about trivial matters like deforestation, the fit of this season's pants, and organic gardening as I paced downstairs in agony sniffing in vain like a congested blood hound for a lost scent.

Rosalie pondered to complete our illusion of humanity asking my singer a highly personal question on a subject that shamed me so: her menstrual cycle. Why human women felt the need to endlessly discuss it was beyond me, and I'd not have my poor little one grilled like a leg of lamb, hissing at Rosalie to hush. My sister railed at me at vampire pitch, "Edward is you want me to get her on birth control medication I have to discuss this topic. Now shut up." Finally, Jasper took a break from his chores of washing the windows both interior and exterior of the house to say, "Edward, she's fine. You should put yourself to good use working on the accent of Benedict from the vision."

He was right. I could work while I observed her welfare.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"In my dream about her family, Liam dialed this number right before he died," I passed him a piece of paper with the phone number on it, "could you look into this, please?"

"Of course." Jasper's thoughts indicated that I had given him a chore so easy he could perform it with both hands tied behind his back. I'd actually pay good money to see that, come to think of it.

Unfortunately a search of every major university in Ireland failed to reveal anything useful. Why couldn't they catch up with modern times like everyone else and put sound files of accents on the Internet? Those that did exist did not sound anything like Benedict. And something about that accent kept pecking away at my brain like Hitchcock at my head. The other one. The other day. It felt frustrating because I had this sensation that something was on the tip of my tongue, something that I should have known or said but couldn't quite grasp.

Mother returned my Grandmother's immaculately polished locket to me later that day. She thought it would look excellent around my singer's neck. I couldn't help but concur. But I remembered Mary Alice's warning about buying her things and overwhelming her with gifts. I had to illustrate control. Walking to my room, I took the chest down from its place on a shelf and noticed the woodcarving again. Swans were carved into the top and across the back outer surface. I stared at the pattern of them, amazed at the workmanship. Opening it, I lay the locket down and then did a double take. Inscribed on the back of the locket was the exact coat of arms that I had seen on the ring. I hadn't noticed it earlier because I had only examined the tarnished face, not the back.

I turned to my computer to continue my work. Heraldy websites proved interesting. The design belonged to the O'Cullinane family. How strange. I'd have to show Father. Perhaps he knew something that could help.

I asked Father for a moment of his time when he returned from his rounds.

"Yes, Edward?"

I handed him the locket. "Do you recall the crest that was on Benedict's ring?"

"Yes?"

"It's here, too."

"You don't recognize it, Edward?"

"Should I?" This was going to sound like a replay of my newborn year I feared. Father looked at me with pity in his eyes.

"Edward, I'm sorry I did not tell you sooner, but I thought since you have been recovering your memories that you would recall this one as well. The crest belonged to your Grandmother Grace. Her maiden name was O'Cullinane."

"Isn't that an older version of Cullen?"

"Yes it is."

"Are we related by blood?"

"Yes." Uncharacteristically, Father looked ashamed for a moment. I wondered what he had discovered in panic attempting to keep my features serene, thanking God for once my unreliable heart stayed dead.

"I moved to Chicago because I had tracked my human descendants. I made friends with your family on purpose. I introduced myself as a long lost cousin of Grace's."

"Did you know my grandmother?"

"I did. She was a lovely woman."

"And you knew my Mother?"

"Not as well, actually. I spent more time with Grace."

"Why?"

"I was lonely, and she knew what I was."

"Did you tell her?"

"No. I didn't have to say a word. She somehow knew the second she saw me."

"When did you meet them?"

"Three years before you died." I swallowed. It took work to maintain a serene expression. I couldn't have an outburst like when I was a newborn. It hurt to think that he had known about my mortal family and me all these years and had not told me.

"You're wondering why I didn't tell you."

"I'm sure you had a good reason. I trust you, Father." Mildly I answered in a respectful tone.

"When you were a newborn talking about your human family became something I avoided doing because I knew how much you missed them. So I waited and hoped you would recover some of your memories. It's been known to happen before." That's why he held out hope for Mary Alice, I see.

"I understand." And really, I did.

Tonight's torture, I mean dinner, lay in the form of pot roast with boiled potatoes and jaundiced looking steamed carrots. Regardless, we carried on an indescribably difficult banter while cheerfully munching what felt like shards of bitter plastic. After dinner, we worked on our homework for an hour at the sluggish human pace accompanied by my singer. She borrowed my laptop completing research for a report. Reading over her shoulder as she sat by my side, I was fascinated as I watched her construct arguments about the poetry of the lost generation. She liked Sara Teasdale. I'd have to buy her a volume of her poetry.

"What poet did you select for your English paper?" I began. Since I already knew the subject this shouldn't be too hard.

"I picked Sara Teasdale." She frowned staring at a line.

"What troubles you?"

"This one poem she wrote to girls. It's sad."

"What does it say?"

"No one worth possessing can be quite possessed. Lay that on your heart my angry young dear."

"That doesn't sound so bad," although the poet was an idiot, you could most definitely possess people. She possessed me with her scent.

"Yeah, but the rest of the poem describes love as feeling pretty awful."

"How?"

"The truth, this hard and precious stone lay it on your hot cheek, let it hide your tear. Hold it like a crystal when you are alone and gaze into the depths of the icy stone."

She read a few more lines than asked, "I wonder who broke her heart?"

"Why would you say she's broken-hearted?" Asking questions was good. Jasper told me I was doing better at talking so I planned on keeping this strategy up as long as I could get away with it. She would give me the subject to discuss. I didn't have to think too much. I wouldn't forget my lines. Hopefully.

"Because with the end of the poem she says 'long, look long and you will be blessed. No one worth possessing can be quite possessed.' It seems to me she's telling the girl that love is the same thing as possession and to stay away from it and you will be blessed by God."

"So you are convicting her as hating love by one poem?"

"No. Her biography says she divorced her husband in 1929, and she committed suicide in 1933. I'm thinking that gives her plenty of reasons to be unhappy. What gets to me is that the first poem is to a young girl, like she's trying to educate her about love. Plus, she has this other poem called "after love" that she uses this line when she describes falling out of love. 'It grows more bitter than the sea for all its peace.' I think her words are sad and her life, too."

"But you read about melancholy subjects all the time." I couldn't help but wonder.

"What do you mean? Did I leave my copy of Sylvia Plath poems lying around?" I smiled at her reference to a poet even more depressing than Teasdale's current verses. She too, had committed suicide, most likely after having edited her most recent works. Having read the late Mrs. Plath's work, I could only thank the stars she took that choice. Otherwise she would have inflicted more poetry upon the hapless world. While I was at it, I thanked my unlucky stars she hadn't been turned. That would have been far, far, worse.

"I know you don't read her, despite your horrid preference for Wuthering Heights, you can't be that bad." My singer pushed at my shoulder playfully. "You read about battles all the time. I'd say that most definitely qualifies as sorrowful. Explain yourself."

After a long silence she said, "Wuthering Heights was my Grandmother's. She and Liam argued about it all the time. I have it because it reminds me of them." I would have to take a memo to fore with cease joking about that subject immediately and thanked God that I hadn't thrown away the book when I repaired her house and her life. Genevieve would have killed me. Liam, too. Jugurtha agreed. "I'm so sorry if I hurt you with my jest," I uttered horrified.

"No, Edward, it's fine. I don't talk about them because everyone around me gets so upset if I do." I could definitely see her father encouraging her reticence.

Cautiously, I reached out and squeezed her hand. I used the tiniest amount of force I could to accomplish the deed. It would not do to break her fingers while showing feigned affection. Fine quasi-feigned. She was growing on me. "You can always talk to me about them. I don't mind."

"I know."

"So why are battles not sad?" I pushed trying to get her to a happier place. Talking about harrowing human bloodshed always brought a light to her eyes.

"I don't know, maybe because I know how they turned out. Or that I focus on why someone won or lost." She left unsaid that she learned her love of war history at Liam and Jericho's knee. Probably Genevieve's as well, come to think of it thinking of her current game of cat and mouse with Jasper as he dreaded her punishment for playing a joke that nearly killed my singer. I couldn't wait. Apparently Genevieve could. And that was fine with me. Sort of.

She yawned, blushing in embarrassment at her sign of weakness. By nine o'clock fatigue showed on her features and I convinced her to retire for the night.

She donned her white nightgown in the bathroom while I stepped outside to give her privacy as I had already changed into my pajamas. My Parents monitored her movements to ensure she did not fall, as did I. And fortunately I had remembered to wear socks tonight. I couldn't have my feet making her cold. That would be rude. I returned when I heard her climbing into bed wondering if she'd invite me again. I found the covers turned down invitingly on my side. She patted the bed and without a word I joined her. This time I pulled her back flush against my chest, wrapping my arms and the covers around us. I had held her so this morning when we awoke. She had seemed to like this position when she had been upset earlier. I sang to her my Mother's lullaby because she seemed rather stiff tonight and she slowly relaxed her shoulders and fell asleep as my fingers ran through her hair and down to her neck. I didn't think she'd mind so I used the powers to help her fall asleep in peace. I kept my features impassive as just before she succumbed my heart started beating. This time, however, it took longer to fall into the darkness as I lasted for half an hour. Holding her in my arms helped keep the spirit of hope from creeping into my mind. I kept repeating in my thoughts that every time my heart had ceased to beat and today should be no different.

Hezekiah's visit was short, "Well Edward, are you a man or a mouse? What are you going to do to help the tribe?" What was with all these attacks on my masculinity lately?

I retorted "Seeing as I had recently ripped the spiritual afterlife privileges from Gregory Clearwater with a green glowing stick I strongly suspect I am not exactly at the top of the tribe's list of people to summon. And I recently made inroads with the Clearwaters so they won't scream or, thankfully, drool at the sight of my family. Rome was not built in a day, my dear man."

He waved his arms at me, "You don't need to talk to them to make your decision and you know that. The ball is in your court."

"Fine. I'll work on it." The memory of his corpse came to mind. I did feel bad for not burying him properly. "What do you want me to do with your remains?"

He appeared touched as he muttered, "It's a small thing, but I always wanted to be buried by my Jenny."

"Jenny would be your late wife?" 'The one who knows about my venom research?' I wanted to add but common sense kept my lips sealed shut.

His crinkled face softened as he declared, "That she is. We had even bought a joint cemetery plot. My name is on the tombstone and she made them put the date I disappeared as the date of my death so you don't need to do anything but bury me there. Would you mind, son?" His tone had become gruff at the end.

"It would be my pleasure." I had never taken the time to bury a human with anything in mind aside from them being left undiscovered. I did have plenty of experience burying bodies though. I'd ensure it was done properly this time.

"And no coffin business. I don't want to be buried like a white man. Just put me in the earth wrapped in a cloth bundle and cover me." He mentally showed me the type of cloth he wanted. I'd have to talk to Harry Clearwater to arrange that request although I would honor it, "Keep that cave sealed though." He advised as he vanished before I could ask him about my human's murdered family.

My mind switched to the image of me sitting over dinner with my human heart and my human wife and human children that now had been named Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho after her late relatives. I didn't know what the youngest's name was which struck me as odd. They were my children, after all. My favorite singer sat across from me with human food that tasted amazing. Our mortal dog, a Tibetan Mastiff named Jugurtha sat on the other side of the room behaving respectably as all beasts should underneath the gaze of a wooden crucifix that hung on the wall wearing a suit that looked familiar. That was the last image I had before I ceased to think and darkness snatched my mind.

The next morning after the hideous ritual of having my heart stop had been completed; my leaden lids lifted to find her watching me, features remote as usual. Stubbornly; my singer said, "I've stayed at home long enough. I would like to try school."

"But you are—"

"Going." Her lower jaw took on a stubborn set and her eyes seemed to add, "seeing as it's not up to you." We'd have to see about that. Rolling to the side slowly, I was forced to release her from my arms. She still looked so pale. I did not want to deny a lady's request. Simply preparing for the day would doubtlessly wear her out. She'd have to learn the hard way, I sighed. After what can barely be described as a polite knock, my sisters bounded like eager puppies into the room cackling with unholy glee as they dragged her from my reaching arms. Cruel wenches. I fell upon her pillow inhaling her scent to remind myself of how lucky I was to even have a single moment. They rifled through her wardrobe that hung in my closet as it should and grabbed the pieces she requested. I acted like I still slept pulling the covers over my face.

While they prepared her in our bathroom, behind a closed door, I dressed in my closet and dashed to the park for a quick hunt, giving one of her shirts a regretful glance of apology. I'd have to smell it later. It would look peculiar, I sadly realized, walking around school with her shirt pressed against my face. Her empty shirt that is. Me walking around holding her while she wore the shirt with her in it pressed against my face would be entirely inappropriate. Sadly. My little bottlecap. How she brightened my existence.

Thirty minutes later I returned from my hunt, alarmed at the odor wafting from the house. All my clothing from my dumpster diving, rolling in manure adorned fields, vengeance smelleth like hell expedition had been destroyed. I had listened with half an ear while staking an elk as my singer had managed to convince Mary Alice and Rosalie she did not require make up but had consented to allow them to style her hair with the modern day equivalent of a red-hot poker. How could they cook her hair? Worse they added products that interfered with her scent making the odor stronger. I felt incensed as I smelled her burning locks when I came within range of the house. My sisters never used such implements on their own hair. Why torture my poor human?

I whispered at vampire pitch, "What have you done to her poor hair?"

Rosalie whispered back, "Edward, stop having a "hissy fit". We only used a flat iron for Pete's sake to smooth her hair. By the sound of your yowling you'd think we were the Spanish Inquisition."

Starched Shirt Edward grumbled, "That's a fair comparison, they liked using fire and brands on poor humans to make them talk." Tragically, her hair stank as a result. I asked Jugurtha to move murdering Billy Black to next week. We had to kill the flat iron first. I had to get my priorities in order.

We all vaguely claimed to have dined while, during, or before she slept or dressed, thereby escaping the meal of scrambled eggs and bacon with fresh fruit Mother insisted she eat along with her medication. We kept her company around the table chattering about our day like normal humans. Fine, my siblings did most of the talking and I stared at her calf-eyed just like Jasper described, mourning the desecration of her hair and her scent.

But I meant to talk. I thought about it. Every time I opened my lips the words scurried away into the mist. Dratted words. I feared I'd say something like, "Did you know that they literally cooked your hair and it reeks now so bad that my eyes almost water?" Somehow I didn't think that would be well received by my family. Neither would, "You smell half as bad as a werewolf I know." So I held my tongue as a gentleman should. Mary Alice stared at me a time or two and mentally said, _"Edward, I know you're feeling shy right now. But you need to say at least 'Good morning' to the girl."_

Of course she was right. I had to greet her appropriately without insulting her recently acquired stench. Then I could stay silent.

"Good morning." I repeated like an idiot. Everyone stopped talking at once and stared for an interminably long two seconds before Rosalie picked the conversation back up with, "Edward is not a morning person I'm afraid. He literally just woke up. He usually sits staring at the table for a half hour before he'll deign to speak to us. Bella you actually got him to speak in 10 minutes, an all time record." The funny thing is that she told the exact truth.

"But he spoke earlier," she queried, gazing at me shyly jerking, "oh and good morning to you as well." I felt my family's far too interested eyes scrutinizing our every movement and utterance.

"True," Rosalie smirked, "But that was him sleep debating."

As usual, Father saved the day. Overruling my concern, he decided she could try to attend school on a probationary basis, "Bella, today we're going to experiment with the dosage of your headache medication and see if it aids you. Please let me know how you feel." She nodded. Rosalie and Mary Alice bundled her up in her navy blue coat that I had come to loathe. We took two cars to school and she rode in mine with Mary Alice and wary Jasper at the wheel. I preferred to sit by her side in the back seat proving my dedication despite the pain it caused to my nostrils. My sister kept a light banter and Jasper adjusted the mood to annoyingly cheery. I fumed over the stench of her poor burned hair. I'd have to research how to repair it. And pretend like it didn't stink to high heaven.

As we alighted from the car and approached the school, my human straightened her shoulders as if she faced a horde of screaming Huns armed only with a toothpick and walked into the building. Had they been able to smell her hair she would have been armed enough to slay them all, I thought piously. I insisted on carrying her messenger bag. I couldn't help it if she required my assistance to her first class. She could trip so I put my arm around her waist as was appropriate although I studiously avoided her hair. Nor was I to be faulted for waiting to see that she was seated after warmly wishing her a good day in front of her curious classmates who seemed to think I looked 'whipped'. Who ever thought I would submit to being lashed was a simpleton. I had not a single mark on me, I huffed. I'd have to discuss this with Mary Alice. After that leprosy ridiculousness, we couldn't have false rumors circulating about any one in the family now. It could frighten my human. And she was family, after all, since I had rightly claimed her as mine. Stupid shrieky human boys.

"Psst," Jasper spoke to me at vampire pitch.

I turned to him wondering what he wanted. We usually conversed at vampire speed while taking notes out of sheer boredom.

"Yes, brother mine?" I still planned on getting vengeance at an appropriate time.

"You're emanating bewilderment. What bothers you?"

Aside from having her more than fifty feet away from me out of reach? I simply stared raising an eyebrow then sighed when Emmett joined in on the inquisition. "I heard a human boy call me 'whipped.'"

That left out that I had no idea why that was either good or bad so I protected my ignorance.

"That's not accurate," Jasper said.

"I quite agree." I wanted to add my skin was not flayed at all. Blind Blockheads.

Emmett said, "Don't let them bother you. Although you are well on your way there, you're not quite into whipped territory yet." These cultural idioms were going to be the death of me. From across the hall Mary Alice thought to me, _"Edward, the word 'whipped' means that you are bowing and scraping subserviently before your girlfriend. And we all know that you aren't doing that. So ignore the humans." _Mary Alice, as usual, was right. Although I'd have to research this whipped behavior if it aided in my Fake Romance; I liked the idea of courtship. Fooling the humans at Forks represented of course an added bonus.

"_And why did you have a fit over us doing her hair?"_

"Couldn't you smell it?" I whispered back to Mary Alice. Emmett and Jasper wondered what we were discussing and surreptitiously sniffed the air. Now I felt horrified that I had exposed her to immortal disdain. I thought they could smell what I did.

"Smell what?" Jasper asked. "I don't smell anything out of the usual."

"What cooking her hair with that flat iron did to her scent. It's ghastly. It's the equivalent of movie vampire garlic."

Emmett frowned and said, "Uh, Edward that has to be in your head. Half the girls at this school use the same thing on theirs and you're not running away shrieking in terror about the stench. And if it was true then none of us would have a hard time resisting the lure of their blood."

"Maybe this is a singer related issue." Jasper said soothingly.

"Seriously, she stinks to you?" Emmett asked.

"Unfortunately."

Rosalie thought to me that I was being ridiculous and that the scent would surely wear off in a few hours, provided I wasn't growing some kind of vampire brain tumor that caused the imaginary scent in the first place as she never noticed anything out of usual.

Indeed. From now on in defense of my singer and her scent there would be no more of that flat ironing business. My Parents would support me in this. I couldn't immunize myself to her scent if I couldn't smell it. Hourly. I had needs, too. And Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha and I outvoted my human on the flat ironing issue so we were being fair. We had let her have a say.

Leaving a previous puddle of drool, we were all astonished my human made it until 11:30 at which point she fell asleep. Emmett three seats behind threw his and her book bags over his shoulder and to the surprise of the students, lifted her like she weighed as much as the bottle cap I had saved. Even more astonishing to the gawkers was that she continued sleeping, snoring with congestion a time or two. Angela thought she appeared so frail. I couldn't agree with Angela more, I repined from a room down the hall scribbling carefully on paper as rapidly as I could without raising concern. Clearly, she should have stayed in bed. The startled cogitations in her classroom drew me back as Emmett offered a cheery nod to the nonplussed teacher, and whistling an Irish tune carried her out of the room and to the Jeep. He was accompanied on the drive home by of all things the alien-invaded wind-up kind doll Rosalie, who held my singer in her arms like a newborn. I feared she'd paste a pink bow in her hair at any moment and try to bottle feed her.

Had I not been making up four exams I would have personally escorted her home as was my responsibility and right. I scowled, hating the scrutiny of the humans in the room. Our role required me to plod through the exams at human speed. Even worse, my role as a high school teenager meant I could not race home to be by her side as I had missed too much school already. Sometimes life was _so_ unfair.

Listening from afar with morbid fascination I kept waiting for the aliens inside my angelic sister to attempt to suck the pure soul from my human. Starched Shirt Edward reminded me, "Ever since that vision Rosalie has been most kind to our dear little one. You need to be fairer to her."

Ignoring him I asked Jugurtha Predator to make a note reminding me to appropriate the wood from that desk she had reclined upon. She had marked it as mine after all. I'd add it to my burgeoning collection. It was good to have breadth in items as well, I sniffed.

Starched Shirt Edward started chiding me, "You can't take that desk. It would be stealing which is a sin. And this is ridiculous. You're jealous of a desk"

"It's not a sin if I buy another one and replace it. And I can't be jealous of an inanimate object. It's just that she hasn't drooled on me lately." I had him there.

"Fine, but buy the desk first. That way you aren't technically stealing if you are trading for a newer model. This habit of collecting everything about her is going to get you in trouble." He tapped his foot impatiently.

"What's the difference between me cherishing things that she has touched and wanting to keep them around me?"

"Because _she_ is more important than the actual things and her drool for that matter. You are so busy collecting that you are neglecting to focus on her. She is the source of all those things you collect there therefore deserves our undivided attention. We want to marry _her_ not the desk, her drool, or your shirts."

"Why not think of it like me collecting relics of saints? In my mind it's no different."

"Now you are being sacrilegious." He thundered.

"A saint is defined as a 'sinner who tries." And our dear little one definitely fits that definition. And she puts up with us and our dark nature and brings light into our life. And you and I both know that she is beloved by God because of her pure soul. I therefore see nothing wrong in collecting things in anticipation of her canonization." I had him there. He muttered about sophistry and stomped to the library shutting the door.

Racing home to see her smile, we found her refreshed after having taken a nap, borrowing my laptop to complete her school work. She had managed in the few days with us, to work at a pace that had her a week ahead of everyone else. For a frail human to expend that much intellectual effort at her age – my singer was smart and diligent. Those would be wonderful qualities in a wife. I couldn't spend the next sixty years or so around someone who was dull or worse, bored me.

We played chess late into the night. Wearing her forest green gown she defeated me for the second game, leaving us tied. I sat across from her wearing the suddenly plentiful flannel pajama bottoms, thermal long sleeved top and thick socks that my Mother had added to my dresser. And a thrill raced to me when I noticed one of my dresser drawers had been emptied to make room for her clothing. As far as I was concerned she could have every drawer in the dresser. I'd buy her clothes just to stuff in them. Wait, can't buy more clothes for my human because Mary Alice will kill me. But the thought was there.

My singer glanced at me curiously from time to time but did not pry. When 10:00 arrived, she moved to turn the lamp near her off after placing the chess set on the desk. To my amazement she pulled the covers back and laid her palm outward toward me in invitation. Yes ma'am, I thought. You want me in your, I mean my bed, you have only to use a nonverbal gesture or two.

I had closed the shutters earlier, and when she turned off the lamp the room became pitch black. A nervous expression flitted across her face for a moment as she turned towards me on the bed. I wondered if she would have let even that small show of nervousness appear if she realized my vision worked perfectly in this light. She crawled in and slowly approached me. Starched Shirt Edward yelped, "Have Emmett make a wooden bundling board and place it down the middle of the bed so that we can accomplish this with decency." With satisfaction he imagined a wooden rail being put right down the center of the bed between our forms.

"I have to touch her to comfort her when she has nightmares. That won't work."

"Yes, but you could simply put your hand on her head and reach across the board. That will suffice."

"Simply holding her hand in the hospital wasn't enough. Why would touching her head be better? Do you want to watch her suffer? How moral is that?"

"Of course not," that horrified him, "our dear little one's virtue is important as is her good name. Wrap her entirely in the blankets then and yourself as well. That way you both can bundle in the old fashioned way." He was referring to another version of "bundling" a custom done in colonial times, where a courting couple would sleep together with each swaddled in blankets preventing movement, and therefore, inappropriate contact. Why they did this was beyond me, I mean what was the couple supposed to do? Stare at each other all night? It was a silly idea and I wouldn't be copying it.

"Besides, you are implying that our Parents watching over us from the sofa does not represent suitable steps to ensure her virtue?" I had him at that. His lips moved yet fortunately no sound emerged.

"You're forgetting something important," he tapped his foot impatiently.

"And that would be?"

"Sleeping with her like this is only going to make it more difficult when she returns to her own house which will happen at any moment. For goodness' sake, you can't even talk to her to properly pay court to her. How are you going to continue this practice now that you've become accustomed to it?" The blasted bastard had me there. Squawking, he stomped to Jugurtha's cave to seek company. My singer approached me slowly, thereby seizing my attention.

She had pulled the covers back and I didn't want to embarrass her by putting them between us; despite the strident yelping from Starched Shirt Edward. She had tender feelings. Starched Shirt Edward squealed from the cave only to be cut off by Jugurtha's hand, I assume, as my singer tugged my shirt pulling me against her. I listened with delight to her rapidly pattering heart. Clearly, I wasn't the only one here who felt nervous as mine kept pace with her own. 'I don't mind spending the night in your arms,' I thought as I wrapped mine around her. It is a minor sacrifice on my part. I actually felt my heart leap as she reached out with a tentative hand for mine entwining our fingers. Holding hands, too, was another concession I reluctantly made. Seriously. There was, after all, so much more of her that I wanted to hold.

* * *

**AN: So Bella was told by her Grandmother Genevieve that she (the Grandmother) would be murdered with bees. Bella is trusting Edward by telling him, and Edward is curious to follow that path trying to discover what the legend means and why Billy would kill over it. You also should see Edward struggling with his shyness to try to learn more about Bella. He's still thinking of her as his human and singer, but he's making an effort to get to know how she thinks and he's starting to be concerned with how she feels - and not only for the impact on her scent. Edward and Bella have developed a routine over the past few days where they are sleeping and waking up in each other's arms. Edward is going to have to return her to her father's house next chapter and will be all bent out of shape as he starts to realize just how used to having her in his life 24/7 he's become. ****Edward learned more about the ring that Benedict, the vampire who turned Mary Alice, wore in her vision. And wonder what's up with Carlisle hiding that whole blood-relation dealio? ****And you'll find out more answers about her dreams and the red-eyed people.**

**Thanks for reading. Starched Shirt Edward would love to hear from you. **


	27. HOD pt16 Can't a Century Old Vampire Be

**CC Heart of Darkness – Part Sixteen –Can't a Century Old Vampire Be a Moral Degenerate in Peace?**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. So there.**

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta. Many thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter and not murdering me in the process. You are awesome and Starched Shirt Edward adores you. **

**This chapter goes out to Mizra for her hilarious sense of humor, to redsoxlove for keeping me on my toes, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted for her enthusiasm, My Brown Eyes for returning****, Ksangi for appreciating my sick sense of humor with Jugurtha, to Chloe9 and Sheeijan for insightful reviews. I appreciate everyone's feedback. Thanks for reading the story.**

**

* * *

  
**

**AN: I've had several readers ask for summaries before each chapter. Consider this the Cliff Notes version. If you know the plot, skip this note, not the chapter.**

**Also, if you check my profile I have several different pictures I posted links to that you might find helpful.  
**

**Things to remember to understand the plot at this point:**

**-Edward has been keeping plenty of secrets from his family. In HOD 1 he invested a tremendous amount of emotional energy into pushing away the guilt from his rebellious years – a period that he lied (by omission) to his parents about –one that his siblings have no idea ever occurred. He fears if his family discovered his secrets they would banish him, and has tried to be the perfect vampire for 75 years to earn his keep. Also, we learned his ability to read minds has dramatically increased to the point where he can (and does) listen in from 50 miles away. Not only can he "hear" thoughts, but he can "see" them in his mind visually, so he often follows Bella through the minds of the students and can "see" what she is doing. He also has figured out a way to block Jasper and Alice's powers. He listens in on his family and the immediate area 24/7 in order to protect them from threats, but also to know if they suspect him of anything. **

**-Edward in his mind believes he's faking out the whole family into believing that he loves Bella when to him it's all about her scent and being around it 24/7. At least that's what he tells himself. A lot. **

**-Bella was very close to her Grandparents and Great Uncle who records say died on the same night of asthma, and had a closed casket funeral she was not allowed to attend by her Mother. Bella is close to the Clearwaters, and has emotionally detached relationships with her parents. She recently learned that her family lied to her about a childhood injury that resulted in permanent brain damage, explaining her balance issues, headaches, and blackouts. Carlisle has been overseeing treatment for her for this, asthma, and her recent pneumonia. Bella has not spoken to her parents since she learned of her injury and figured out they must have known all along.**

**-Bella has a lifelong history of terrifying nightmares that Edward's seems to be able to lessen or halt. She opened up to Edward in the HOD 15 about her nightmares: she's being chased by a group she can't see but can hear and smell. She and her family have a history of having the same nightmare. Grandmother Genevieve predicted her own death by bees at Billy Black's hand the last time Bella saw her alive. Liam promised Bella he would always watch out for her. Bella told Edward the funerals were closed casket, skipped by Jacob and Billy, and she fears the coroner, a cousin of Billy's by marriage, was involved in their murder because no one has ever mentioned bees in connection with their death.**

**-Bella's sleep talking is her Grandmother Genevieve sending increasingly strident messages to the Cullens who do not understand what she is trying to tell them. Genevieve has the ability to lift Edward from the ground (Emmett, too) and slam him about when the need strikes her.**

**-The Cullens have all experienced visions when around Bella of their past lives that appear to have been sent by Bella's Grandmother. Through them they've learned about Edward's close relationship with his human parents, Rosalie's meeting with her friend Vera the night she died, Esme's first sight of her mate when she was human, Rev. Cullen who charged his son to search the area for demons, Emmett's happy family life, and how Alice and Jasper were turned. Alice now knows her first name really was Mary, that she had a younger brother Jeremy who was murdered right before her own death, why her family put her in an asylum, and that they intended to come back for her, and that she was turned to protect her from another vampire by a vegetarian vampire named Benedict who claimed her as his daughter. Jasper has also had his memories uncovered, and Carlisle has told him that after awakening it's almost unheard of for a vampire to not be able to recall a period of time spent as an immortal. Genevieve only revealed a recent vision to Jasper, Alice, and Edward. They now know that Jasper feasted upon his own troops after being turned, one of whom was his childhood friend Aaron, who Jasper accidentally turned. **

**-We learned in HOD 8 about the complicated history between the Cullens and the Quileute tribe from 1940. After negotiating a treaty, the Cullens became close to the Quileute Chief Ephraim Black and ultimately left the area to protect him after Lee Quill, a young wolf accidentally killed his family the first time he phased and tried to frame the Cullens for the murders. A confrontation occurred in which Edward managed to prove with the aid of their shaman Hezekiah that they were innocent. Recently usurped as the chief, Gregory Clearwater objected vociferously to the treaty with the Cullens and used it to sow discord in the tribe. He murdered Lee Quill that night, making it appear a suicide, and blamed the deaths of all the Quill family on the Cullens. He claimed the presence of vampires sparked the wolves to phase. To thank them for all they had done for his tribe Ephraim Black gave the Cullens two tokens, symbols that meant that they could make requests of the tribe and if they had the power to do so, the tribe had to comply. Not long after they left town, Gregory Clearwater also quietly murdered all the wolves in the tribe: Ephraim Black, Harry Uley, and their shaman Hezekiah Stone. The Cullens learned of the deaths of the men and from afar set up trust funds to aid their families. **

**The Cullens returned to Forks to find the Quileute terrified of them, but willing to honor the treaty. Edward invoked a clause of the treaty in HOD 9 formally declaring Bella to be a member of his family when Jacob Black became annoying. That means that Jacob by treaty can never marry her. It also means she can't set foot on the tribal land without the Clearwaters at her side, and that should Edward decide to turn her, he can without breaking the treaty. And there is nothing the Clearwaters can do to stop them. Edward has assured them he has no intention of turning her and that he intends to keep her ignorant of their nature forever. Harry and Sue know of their secret. Seth and Leah do not. ****The Cullens explained the rules by which all vampires live (tell no one, turn or kill a human if exposed) and explained the Volturi's role in enforcing their laws. Recently the Volturi went to Los Angeles and wiped out the entire coven there because a newborn went out of control and attacked an elementary school. The Volturi killed everyone in the school, exploding it to make it appear an accident. The Cullens most definitely have the Clearwater's attention on the importance of keeping the secret when they point out that the Volturi would not hesitate to kill the entire tribe if they ever learned of the treaty or that the Quileute know.**

**- Hezekiah appeared in a vision to Edward and confessed that back in 1940 to protect the tribe, he gave all their ancestral memories to Edward without Edward realizing it. He asked if he could unlock them. In exchange for every power of every shaman in Hezekiah's line Edward agreed to find a new shaman for the tribe. He has every story ever told of every Quileute tradition in his mind but they are all jumbled and he can only make sense of bits and pieces. Hezekiah said it would take time for them to make sense. Edward is now fluent in their language. He's had the powers for only a few days and they seem to improve his ability to read minds and block other powers, and set up a physical barrier around himself and Bella but come at a cost. He now has: random periods of his heart beating, emotional mood swings he does not understand, muscle aches, his hair now grows, he has constant headaches which Bella's touch seems to help alleviate, and whenever his heart beats he has to at some point sleep (and when he does Hezekiah visits with him to teach him). He also has inherited a pet that he is mentally linked to, one who is testing him out, and one that he doesn't know who she is. The wolf powers appear to be blocking Mary Alice's gift when she tries to see Edward's future. **

**- Edward, Jasper, and Emmett kidnapped Gregory Clearwater and had the tribal elders meet them at the site of Hezekiah's murder, a cave in the forest off Quileute land. Using Hezekiah's staff and his powers, Edward proved to the elders not only that he has the shaman powers, but that Gregory Clearwater murdered every wolf in the tribe to seize control. Edward stripped Gregory Clearwater of the power to be with his family in the afterlife, the most powerful curse he can think of. **

**-Bella has a pendant that at the end of HOD 9 following Jasper's vision flashed bright white light. In the vision Genevieve sent the family about Alice in HOD 11 she had a similar necklace with a different colored stone, a necklace that she no longer has and does not remember. **

**-Bella has the keys to two safe deposit boxes at the bank. She told him that the key on her charm bracelet opened one that her Grandparents and Great uncle Liam made her promise that she would not open until a certain date. She told the Cullens she stored her Grandparents' chess set in another one at the bank. Edward wants to get into both to learn more about her family. She also has boxes of letters from her relatives that he plans on reading at the next available opportunity. **

**-Edward has also been having nightmares about Bella being chased and one where her Grandparents and Great Uncle were murdered by Billy Black. And he's been having dreams of his human past that are awakening in him memories from his human life, memories of his Mother and her attempts to help him find a bride. He just found out that he and Carlisle are related by blood due in part to these dreams. **

**-Edward has a lot on his plate: find the new Quileute shaman, protect Bella from the mysterious red-eyed people in her nightmares, find out why and/or if Bella's family was indeed murdered and the real story is behind the legend surrounding the land Bella's family owns (that she will inherit soon). Edward is shy and fears rejection and keeps thinking that having Bella around 24/7 would be so much easier if he just married her. He's slowly starting to see her as an individual, his attraction to her is growing, and he's still clueless about it. They've only known each other a little over 3 weeks. His family is trying to encourage him in his romance. **

**-Billy Black appears to have murdered his wife, her lover (Jacob's real father), Bella's Grandparents, and her Great Uncle. He has been scheming to get his hands on the Swan land and to take control of the tribe from the Clearwaters. From reading Jacob's mind Edward concludes that Billy believes once Jacob's wolf gene kicks in that he will imprint on Bella and aid Billy in controlling the tribe. Hezekiah tells Edward that imprinting is a genetic flaw in the wolf gene and has only happened once. **

**-Charlie has finally returned from his vacation only to find out all sorts of confusing things about his girlfriend Paula Black and her creepy brother's scheming. He's asked the Cullens to keep Bella for a few more days while he tries to figure out exactly what has occurred. Edward dreads returning her to her father's house and has penciled into his schedule murdering Billy Black. **

**-Paula Black appears to be Seth Clearwater's biological mother. She's hid that from her brother AND Charlie who appears to be Seth's biological father. And her ostensible participation in Billy's scheme has been outed to the tribal Elders as well as Charlie courtesy of Edward hacking into her email account and hitting the forward key. Billy and Paula have both been put on probation by the tribal elders as punishment. Paula tells Charlie about her brother's plot and her fears for Bella's safety. She confesses that she's been lying to Billy for years pretending to go along with his plans. She does not breathe a word to him that she bore him a child.**

**-In HOD 10 we see how Bella and Edward began their practice of sleeping together. Bella comforted Edward, and Edward in HOD 11 had a hard time dealing with the fact that he broke down and fell asleep in her arms after crying. He and Bella have been sleeping together in the same bed every night although watched over by his parents. She finds his touch keeps the dreams away. He finds comfort in her arms when his heart starts and stops beating. We've also learned that Bella feels like she's using Edward because she can sleep peacefully at night if he's near.**

**-Jasper and Emmett played a joke on Edward in HOD 12 that made everyone in the family livid. For research purposes only, Edward ran over 100 miles away to another national park and hiding in the bushes conducted an experiment on venom leakage that resulted another earthquake, the destruction of the trees and vegetation in his path, the traumatization of birds and raccoons, and fears he could never please his human as a man.**

**Edward has mentally vowed vengeance against Emmett and Jasper. Step one consisted of him tormenting them into thinking he had lost his mind for a brief while in HOD 14. Genevieve beat him to it by taking Emmett and slamming him repeatedly into his beloved jeep over and over again, crumpling it like a tin can. She has yet to do anything to Jasper. As punishment for the prank, Emmett and Jasper will for the foreseeable future be doing chores around the house and trying to earn their way back into the graces of their irate wives who have insisted they will not have marital relations with their husbands for 7 days. Jasper has sworn that he will never use his gift on Edward or Bella without Edward's consent. Hereby ends the world's longest author's note. And yes, I know I have a complicated plot, and I'm delighted you're taking the time to read it. **** Books**

**

* * *

  
**

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," Starched Shirt Edward shrilled blushing to the roots of his hair, hyperventilating while chanting a Glory Be prayer in Latin. That's funny, he hadn't behaved like this on the other nights. This was all for show. Preening Peacock. Particularly the fanning himself part with his flailing hands. Pretentious Prevaricator.

Jugurtha Predator playfully smacked him and put his left arm around Starched Shirt Edward's shoulder and gave him a quick shake for emphasis. "Our thoughts are pure and only of comfort. We need the nourishment of her soul. She feeds our being. She heals our wounds so we can exist another day. She is our living Holy Spirit. Besides we rescue her from the demons that chase her at night. You have seen several times how our touch is the only thing that calms her. It's our duty now since her Grandmother requires our aid. Depriving her of our assistance because she is beautiful would be cruel," Jugurtha paused for a second glancing at Starched Shirt Edward out of the corner of his eye before adding the killing blow, "not to mention cowardly."

Starched Shirt Edward's chest puffed as he squeaked, "But the Holy Father says…"

"That we must all make sacrifices to live out our faith every day." Jugurtha interrupted. "Are you worried that you lack the spiritual strength to withstand temptation in order to help her? We have stood strong for over seven decades. We possess more fortitude than you think Mr. Doubting Thomas." We are totally lying to the snot-nosed weasel and he began another round of complaints.

Interrupting them, I requested silence as I sighed in pleasure. Her poor hair was back to smelling normal now, thank goodness due to Mother's intervention. Even better, crumpling the device of torture also known as a flat iron used on my poor little one ensured she would never reek again preventing my "scent"-antic appreciation of her charms. Nor would she be forced to endure the equivalent of a red hot poker being put so close to her flammable hair and cooking it to pieces. Rosalie had screeched about the death of the flat iron.

When I said, "The only way I can keep from drinking her dry is to be surrounded by her scent. You're taking that from me," she suddenly saw the light. Mother instructed my siblings they would do nothing to mask her scent in order to help with that keeping her alive business. And Rosalie and Alice spent the afternoon with my human ordering products online that were hypoallergenic. Mother had a few brands she purchased at the human store and offered them to my singer until the real supplies arrived. Father told my human that her allergy results had come in and it was worth the effort to see if her asthma improved if they experimented with these new soaps and shampoos and whatever else women tormented themselves with to prepare themselves for the day.

Father even praised me for admitting the problem. Who knew that talking to them could solve anything? This communication business, provided used judiciously, seemed to work from time to time. I did have my doubts as to how often I'd use it. Life seemed to be so unfair these days. My needs were simple. Can't a century old vampire be a moral degenerate in peace? I ordered Starched Shirt Edward not to answer that question insisting it was rhetorical.

Which brought me back to my current state of taking deep breaths: pure unadulterated quality pressed against the flesh singer time. Except we weren't pressed against the flesh yet, but I had dreams and could afford to be patient. My singer and I sat across from each other on our bed playing chess. As I moved a pawn, the fine hair on the back of my neck stood up as my heart started beating again. But being in her presence seemed to soothe me despite being distracted enough to lose two games in a row. My playing was so poor in the second game it embarrassed me. Without a word she put the game aside and took her medication for the night. I closed the shutters, and was happily tugged into bed by my silent bossy human.

My existence would be bliss for the next few hours as long as I could keep remembering that not biting into her neck part, I fretted, as she tentatively stroked my temple with her fingers. Even better, Rosalie worried about that chomping on her neck part as well, feeling guilty for having assaulted my poor little bottlecap's hair. Wincing, I hadn't realized vampires could have sore temples and jaws. Her fingers felt so good against my face, instantly soothing the tension. I kept my eyes shut feigning the early stages of slumber. What had I ever done to merit such a wonderful singer in my cursed existence?

Once again, I spoke too soon. I hadn't used Hezekiah's powers all day I mentally wailed. This was so unfair! I needed my quality singer time! Stop the oppression!!! My lids drooped in truth despite never having opened. I heard my family at vampire pitch wondering what to do. The last thing I remember as I felt my human's delightful fingers trail across my cheek leaving sparks in their wake was the sound of Mother's firm voice saying, "We can only offer him support. He's where he belongs at present." That sounded about right to me I thought longingly as I timed my heartbeat to her own. I dreamt that night of my human Mother.

She sat in the parlor pouring tea and handed me a saucer as a maid in a long gray gown with a white apron left the room closing the door behind her. "Edward," her alto voice rolled over me and I smelled the combined scents of her perfume and powder, the hot tea and the sugar and the cinnamon in the rolls and the beeswax from the furniture. I ran my hands against the velvet upholstery nervously. Today she wore a light green frock and pearls that made me realize the truth in Carlisle's memory that she had given me my eye color.

"Yes?" I heard my voice sound at a soft volume, taking a sip and burning my lips.

"We've thrown three teas now over these past four months. You've performed so well and made me proud. And our daily practicing of conversing appears to be working. Each time you have managed to improve. Is there any particular young lady that has captured your interest?" She radiated happiness. I could feel her pride in me across time, her love apparent on her visage. I wanted to run to her and throw my arms around her neck and wail like a small child seeking solace and instead was frozen in the vision staring at the parent I missed so much. The parent fate robbed from me and sent back to remind me now of the miserable fiend I had now become. She would be so ashamed of the real me, yet I would never stop longing for her approval and love regardless.

The memory awoke in my mind as I recalled the discomfort of the first tea. Silently, I had sat stiffly goggling at the young ladies when not staring fixedly at the floor as they and their mothers surrounded me like prey. I remember desperately wanting to pull at the collar of my shirt and loosen my tie because my throat felt like I was breathing flaming air. Horatio St. James, my friend had saved me then, offering me an example of fluent conversation to use with a young lady. After observing in near silence, I had borrowed almost word for word his exact lines much to his amusement at the next tea. And the third. I remembered thinking how lucky I was to have a friend like him to help me navigate the treacherous waters of polite society. When I stumbled he leapt into the fray and saved me with a smooth passage and earnest smile while I blushed and stammered my heart in my mouth.

He had become engaged last week to a young lady named Sarah O'Rourke that he had met at the first tea and planned to sign up for the war after the honeymoon. I thought of the two of them and how happy they seemed recalling how his face would light up at the mere sight of her. Horatio had awarded me the honor of requesting I serve as his best man at their wedding. My mother's voice called me to the present.

"Son?"

"No, Mother. I simply do not feel like I have met any young lady that I would desire to court. I'm sorry. You have worked so hard." My young human voice sounded miserably from across the room and cracked on the last word.

"Oh now don't you worry, Edward. You'll meet her. Just you wait. I did not have the easiest courtship with your Father. Like you, he is quiet, but in the end my patience made it worthwhile." The last thing I saw was my Mother's smile transform her features as my Father entered the room having arrived home from his office. He greeted her kissing her hand and sat by her side as she poured him a cup of tea. I heard him warmly calling my name as my brain ripped me from their presence and dropped me in another world.

Now I watched my sprinting singer in the Olympic National Forest moving through the trees as if pursued by baying rabid hounds. I could smell the blood at her forehead and the adrenaline of fear in her veins, topped off by an epi dose in the air. She burst from the shrubbery to cross….I could barely think the words they were so terrible. The idiotic humans who designed the park were too lazy to build proper structures to aid them in traversing waterways. Instead they simply hacked down a tree and carved it into a structure one step above a crude wooden plank. In disbelief, I saw her step on a narrow rough hewn wooden footbridge. In vain, my hands reached out for her fleeting shoulders as she recklessly lurched across the primitive bridge. Fog covered the area making visibility difficult. The rails only came to her waist. She could easily fall forward, backward, or worse, over the side. I didn't know where she was yet, as I never needed to take the bridges so hadn't memorized them.

Calling out to Jugurtha I yelped, "Work destroying every bridge in the park into our schedule. We can't marry her if she isn't breathing." Pencil in his teeth he nodded and began to scribble flipping through the pages. "We'll have to sacrifice after school chess with her to make it back in time to the house without causing suspicion. We can pretend we're taking an extra long hunting excursion because we are interacting with crowds of humans again." Perfect. Absolutely perfect. "I think you should pay attention to her now," he advised.

"Right."

"That means removing your fingers from your eyes so that you can properly observe her, 'oh look she's getting wet in that thin shirt.'" That was enough to make me wake up as if struck with a cattle prod.

"You lied. She's not wet." The shirt was dry, a jeans jacket over it.

"Not yet, but she will be, she's near Marymere falls."

An interminable period of time transpired where I felt like a firefly chasing after her, equally ignored as she climbed up a steep path.

She emerged out by MaryMere falls. After falling in a white sheet for 100 feet, the water skirted bright green clumps of moss to fall in a bright path to greedy rocks below. At the base of the falls were a clump of large boulders that had a large moss-encrusted tree laying across them, forming a short and narrow arch that water cascaded through before stumbling upon more logs and rocks in its path creating swaths of white water. The dream skipped. She went from looking at the falls with a desperate grimace to actually slinging her way through the water at their base.

All the rocks that were exposed to the air had tufts of bright green moss and an occasional optimistic fern adorning them. My dear little one moved with deliberation avoiding leaving a sign of her presence through the cluttered area. She had to slow down to pick her way around tree branches that lay across her path in the water. Untouched by her feet or hands, the pristine moss kept her secrets as she waded and squeezed through the arch pushing against the current to reach the other side. I could tell from her reaction the icy water felt uncomfortable as it soaked through her clothes.

"You were right," I whispered, "she is wet."

"Yes." He said. Starched Shirt Edward peered at her in concern silent for once.

"I hate it."

"I know. We are watching this for a reason, I assume," he soothed.

She stopped to scan over her shoulder peering around the boulders, teeth chattering, lips blue. In that moment I actually felt lucky to be immortal: the cold didn't bother me. She didn't seem at all comfortable in the water. It even appeared as if she didn't know how to swim. Pausing but a few seconds she then pushed herself through the water to the area to the left of the falls. My human looked like a child fleeing into the arms of her mother, arms outstretched in appeal as she approached. The second her body collided with the rock wall she simply vanished. I screamed but she couldn't hear me. When my feet hit the water no matter how hard I tried I could not follow her. Frustrated, I bellowed my fury to the skies and felt dragged from the clearing.

Gasping and bewildered, I now sat in the forest in my armchair hands shaking as they squeezed the leather arm rests with Hezekiah's amused face cackling at me, "Edward it was a dream, son. Merely a dream. She's safe while we chat." He had changed the flowers around him and added birds chirping and water rushing as charming touches to this scene. This time he had Western Wallflowers – an inappropriate named plant – the bright yellow petals captured the light giving the area an almost cheerful appearance given that we were surrounded by looming golden moss encrusted trees with little light. The moss grew so thick it looked almost like fur.

"That was ghastly," I sank down into the seat shivering. "Are you sure she's fine?"

"Scout's honor," he grinned.

Fine. Whatever. As long as she still lived.

Although seeing and remembering my friend did delight me, I felt like emotionally I was being drawn and quartered. One part of me wanted desperately to find a way to get back to my house in Chicago so I could listen to my human mother's voice just one more time as she told me she loved me. The other part of me longed to be beside my singer making sure she lay safe under my touch.

I will win her hand. Mother said so. I'm already making progress. My dear little one allows me to sleep in her, I mean my, I mean our bed. That did not sound quite like I meant it. But still. How many young men of my generation could say they courted women by chastely holding them at night without all that bundling nonsense that Starched Shirt Edward wanted to do? I loved our own unique ritual. I could woo her without a word. Life was much simpler this way. By being in proximity to my form when she was unconscious her body already recognized that it belonged to me. It was only a matter of time before her human brain caught up. I'd have to give her that time to realize it though and not be too pushy. Mary Alice said so. Gazing at him as he stood calmly near his cave, I told Jugurtha with a sigh to push our wedding back another week as he sighed and flipped through our schedule.

He put reading glasses on his nose as he opened the volume and clicking his tongue flipped through the days. Finally he slammed the book shut and concluded, "It would be hard marrying her considering you haven't even bothered to let her know you are formally courting her. I'm not scheduling a wedding until you make some kind of effort." I narrowed my eyes at him. Next thing he'd be insisting I had to put my tongue in some inappropriate region as well. I would not be controlled. But he did have a point. About the wedding part, not the tongue.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I quite agree, and the church's these days have that ridiculous insistence that you have to wait six months after telling the priest you want to get married and swearing she is not with child. On the positive side they make you go to a retreat together and take classes in how to be married. We could use all the help we could get. We'll have to find a priest to talk to tomorrow." He all but danced in joy turning to see if Jugurtha would pen that in as well. The book remained shut.

"Six months? That's ridiculous." I heaved. We have to be married sooner than that. The church, with all due respect, could jump in a lake there was no way I'd ever be impregnating her, I'm sorry to say, although not for lack of effort once we were wed. Out of the ashes of my life, God had stripped me of the ability to sire humans. Given our nature, perhaps that was one thing He had done right after all. Hezekiah's crowing pulled me away from my minions and musings.

"Edward! Lord son, focus for a moment. Jeez. You've got it bad," he chortled.

"My apologies, my mind has been far away given all the migraines, muscle aches and unusual activity with my heart starting and stopping and strange emotions and scents washing over me like unexpected waves…" I glared balefully at him.

"Sorry about that. I can't predict what the powers will do to you, but you seem to be adjusting well so far. And I know the past few days have been difficult, son. You are very lucky you have her and your family. I've given some thought to your predicament in regards to Genevieve and her warnings."

"You have?"

"Well, there's not a lot to worry about up here, if you know what I mean. Everyone sits around chatting and happy for the most part. So we've discussed it and come up with a theory."

"Whom did you consult?"

"Sitting Bull, Geronimo, President Roosevelt, Sacajawea, Quanah Parker, Sequoyah, Ephraim Black, Harry Uley, and of course my wife Jenny." He said that so reasonably.

"I'm not familiar with some of those individuals."

"Harry says 'hello' by the way," Solemnly, I nodded in acknowledgment. "He's all kind of tickled to be able to visit with Gregory Clearwater thanks to your curse. So are Ephraim and Lee. We've been having ourselves a mighty fine time thanks to you." Upon further consideration Hezekiah now reminded me of something my singer had shown me on our "vacation" to Germany. They made dolls with the heads of prunes. And I think they got the idea from his face. He did have on a different tie, however, that detracted from that effect, fortunately. The pipe, too.

"Marvelous. What else have you been doing with your time?" 'Aside from tormenting your murderer as he justly deserved,' I wanted to add. But that would seem cold. I reminded myself to peruse Clearwater Senior's medical records. We had to ensure he lived the longest life possible so he could suffer as a human for his sins. It was only right. I was a doctor. Twice. Professional. Jugurtha eagerly plotted that into our day planner, "Check on quadruple murdering bastard's health, Got it. That I can schedule as you seem more likely to actually do it." I ignored his snide remarks.

Hezekiah cleared his throat and beamed with pride.

"Well you got yourself a mighty smart committee. Quanah Parker won every battle against the white man he ever fought and scared the living daylights out of the U.S. Army with his attacks. Sacajawea was smart enough to handle Lewis and Clark, those bumbling idiots. She led them around the wilderness without them getting themselves killed. Sequoyah invented the Cherokee alphabet, Larry was an astute businessman and outdoorsman who really knows the land, Jenny has her bachelors in psychology. And I'm sure you know about Sitting Bull and Geronimo," he smirked as I nodded.

"Why would they care?"

"Well aside from Ephraim, Larry and Jenny and President Roosevelt…. they don't really care about you so much as they don't like seeing the tribe wither and want to help keep the remains of our people living on in another shaman."

"Why would FDR care?"

"He doesn't," he answered as if I were slow.

"But you said President Roosevelt?"

"Yes, Edward I meant the _other_ one, President Theodore Roosevelt."

"Oh. I see." Actually I did not but I had to say something to keep from looking like a simpleton.

"He's honored that they asked him instead of his daughter who is mighty irritated as she wanted a shot at Genevieve." Alice Roosevelt, if memory served, gained fame for saying, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." The mental notion of her acid tongue going against Genevieve actually brightened my day.

"Could Dorothy Parker be persuaded to join?" I asked hopefully. She could give me advice on how to handle Genevieve, I thought.

"Maybe. I'll ask. Then there's the fact that watching you entertains them all. President Roosevelt thinks you quite strong and a fine gentleman with great promise," he snorted waving a hand. I perked up at that notion. President Roosevelt knew of me? And liked me? Who knew? Wait, what exactly did the late President of the United States know about me?

"How did President Roosevelt join that party?" I kept my voice mild.

"God decided we needed someone well versed in the white man's sneaky ways. He sent him. Machiavelli was busy writing a sequel to the Prince and wants you to know that it really is better to be feared than loved. Alexander the Great recently married and sends his regrets as he's on his honeymoon although he disagrees with Machiavelli and says both fear and love will do just fine for him, and he conquered the earth and didn't die poor. Lorenzo de Medeci is still suffering in hell for his sins and the Good Lord didn't feel like springing him for this although if things get bad he just might change his mind."

"Did he have any advice on the 'better to be feared than loved' debate?"

"Afraid not. He's too busy screaming at present. Perhaps later." I nodded.

There was marriage in heaven? My mind went blank. I was going to have to keep that bit of information about Alexander the Great a secret from Tanya. Despite her fond memories of poor Attila, she cared for Alexander the most of all her lovers. Considering the number of lovers she had, well spent time conversing among other things with over the course of her existence that was, indeed, impressive. The fact that she had been too late to turn him when he passed from the mortal realm haunted her to this day. She'd gone on a killing spree of those responsible, orchestrated the "murder" of his wife and child and resettled the pair where no one would bother them. If she discovered the news, she would find a way to gain entrance to heaven to beat him back to life. Nobody cheated on Tanya dead or alive. And he had to be joking about God caring. I couldn't even begin to contemplate that notion.

"Well, are you going to listen or daydream all day?"

"My apologies. I'm rather stunned at present."

"Sitting Bull says you need to watch how that pendent your little missy wears behaves and study it some more because it seems to interact strangely with your cold one powers." Hezekiah seemed to be listening for a moment as he chuckled. It bothered me that I could not hear whatever amused him. "Sorry son, you can't read minds in heaven. You're not that good. And they only know what I've told them, and now that the committee has been formed they can watch you from time to time." Wonderful. I'd never conduct research again.

Looking uncomfortable Hezekiah said, "Edward, I have only discussed the visions and the red-eyed people situation with them. Anything regarding our Quileute powers and their development is private." Oh, I felt relieved. I might possibly conduct research again. Maybe. I bet Jugurtha would pencil that into my schedule. He didn't answer, damn him.

Hezekiah continued, "Quanah Parker said that he applauds your deceitful negotiations with the tribe and your claiming of the young lady at your side as family. He also suggests that you find out what Mary Alice's pendant and Bella's pendant have in common."

"I was not deceitful." I huffed. About that particular subject. Others? Heck, yes.

"Relax, he's kidding. He says you are highly entertaining for a white man, even it you are a stick in the mud, as usually he kills them. He's never watched one for this long a period."

"Did you know about their murders?" I interrupted thinking of my human's murdered relations.

"Quanah Parker and Geronimo both say that since it took you that long to figure it out you clearly need their help since you inherited that stupidity gene like all the other white men," he snorted. "Yes, I knew they were murdered, and it shames me to speak of it."

"Why?"

"I can't read Billy's mind like you can. Didn't you guess from him visiting your gal at the hospital?" Well, no.

"Unfortunately I can't rifle around in people's minds and snatch what I want to know. My gift does not work like that."

"Oh, I see." He shook his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We don't advertise our dirty laundry, son. And I wanted to see how long it took you to figure out to be honest."

"I cannot comprehend why he would kill for the land."

"I suppose he believes the legend is true and the land is the key to it, so he's gunning for your little missy to make sure he gets his hands on it. And he clearly wants to seize control of the tribe."

Absentmindedly I pondered, "He'd have to kill the entire Clearwater line down to the last child to do that." Hezekiah simply gazed back at me eloquently silent. Now I really needed to kill Billy. My singer couldn't lose her half-brother, or her replacement family. That would kill her. And the idea of Billy slaughtering his own nephew on the altar of his greed curdled my venom.

"Jenny thinks that you need to get Bella and take her to the land. Quanah Parker and Sitting Bull agree with her."

"What land?"

"The O'Shea land. Her land. Edward focus here." He waved his hand in front of my face.

Shifting in his chair he grew tense all of a sudden, clearing his throat, "And uh, there's another thing President Roosevelt wanted me to tell you."

"Yes?" I wondered what he could possibly have to say to someone like me although I preened at his compliments of my strategizing.

"He says if you hurt your little missy that he will personally come after you with a really big stick and President Roosevelt wants you to know he intends on being very loud when he handles it. He does recognize you intend to marry her and says you had better execute that plan," Hezekiah added hurriedly.

"Wasn't he the one famous for saying, 'speak softly and carry a big stick?'"

"Yep. That's the one."

"Can he do anything to me worse than what you and Genevieve have done?" I couldn't help the note of bitterness in my voice.

"Son, are you out of your cotton picking mind? I thought by now you'd be a bit smarter. Do you really want to find out the answer to that question, mister?" He glared at me like I was a prize pupil who had failed a simple exam.

"Sitting Bull says that since she is beloved of the tribe and bonded to them that he has to act as her spiritual representative as well. So he's going to put aside his prejudices and join the white President in stalking you if you hurt her. Sequoyah doesn't like being outdone in looking after the ladies so he's saying whatever they do, he'll top. Well, I'll be cow-kicked and hornswoggled. A little competitive that one." Hezekiah shook his head.

I had no response for that. Besides, I would never hurt my human or let her from my sight. She was the pristine center of my sordid universe. And my last memory of being in her arms is the only thing that kept me calm in this discussion, I opined. Having all those human emotions and heartbeats and yet not being human was killing me. Sort of.

"You make an excellent point. My intentions towards her are noble, indeed. I have already claimed her as family. Mary Alice says it would be rushing things at an inappropriate pace for me to ask for her hand in marriage this week."

"Your sister is smart, that one. Typically marriage proposals are predicated by charming social rituals we humans have called 'dates'." He made air quotations with his fingers, "And those fine events are in turn preceded by the even more engaging custom of 'verbal conversations'." His tone became sarcastic. There went those air quotations again, blast it. "And you haven't taken her on a single excursion yet, Edward. Sacajawea wants you to know that you need to try harder with Bella and are currently as lost as those two annoying white men were in the middle of the back country. She suggests simply taking her for a walk but to make sure you take a compass so you don't get lost," Even the centuries old ghosts were offering me courtship advice, and telling me I was failing. This was the continuation of my mortification. Clearly killing me in 1918 and my entire family hadn't been entertaining enough for the Good Lord. He decided to drag out my agony by turning me immortal instead.

"I realize that. She's been ill. It does not strike me as proper to drag her out for crumpets at high tea when she has a fever of 104." Not that you could find a place that would serve either crumpets or high tea in the backwater of Forks.

"She's better now, smarty-pants since you're letting her go to school. My heart bleeds for you. A short walk in the back yard won't tire her out, you know. Your Ma put a perfectly nice bench right by the river you two could sit at that would do quite nicely."

"Perhaps," I grudgingly agreed.

"And considering that you are currently lying in bed with her, although I know your thoughts are pure, you might want to act. You haven't told her what is on your mind, and she's a sweet shy little thing who will be going back to her Pa's place soon. Do you see the problem?"

"I don't know that she returns my affections. I'm waiting to watch her behavior when she feels better. Her Grandmother could be influencing the things she said to me at night in her sleep. And it would be awkward revealing my regard for her if she did not return it with us all having to pretend to be under one roof."

"Well, that's true. And there is that whole red-eyed people business so you need to keep a watch on her. Treat her like a lady. Edward, if you thought her Grandmother has a temper you've seen nothing when you meet her Grandfather and Uncle Liam. I don't scare easy and Liam is a bit on the plum crazy side. And when you combine him with Jericho, well I don't want to think about it." He shuddered shaking his head, "No. wait. Forget that. Consider this instead. When you take those two angry fellows and add a peeved Genevieve to the mix and threaten their Bella," his voice trailed off and he audibly gulped. "Let's just say I think they are mighty fired up about being killed and all, you know?"

"Indeed. So is the temper of Liam worse than the temper of Jericho?"

"It's hard to say. Aside from the fact that both are brilliant, Liam really knows how to hold a grudge. Based on what I do know about them, their family motto should be, "The spite never ends," I wondered about Jericho's brilliance because Charlie had to get his stupidity from somewhere. Alas, Chief Swan's distinctive eye color that he shared with his own father and daughter made it impossible for me to theorize him being switched at birth. The mystery of the mind of Charlie Swan, the Walter Mitty of the police world, baffled me still.

Hezekiah waved his fingers in front of my eyes gathering my attention again, "What you do need to know is each one of them is remarkably protective of her. I think it has to do with her parents and all. Genevieve did like to meddle when she lived."

I wonder what "meddling" entailed. I'd have to find a way to read Chief Swan's mind when the subject of his mother was raised. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief hoping to wake up in my singer's arms. Now I had to worry about spiritual posses avenging never intended slights? God help me.

"Was there anything else besides chiding me on my burgeoning romance that the committee had for me?" I had the patience of a saint.

"Well, yeah, Jenny has some advice. She says you should warm up to the idea of dating. Ask her if you can take her to the bank to get that fancy chess set. Then ask her once you're back from the bank if you can take her to see the land to have her tell you about her Grandma and Grandpa and Great Uncle. Jenny thinks that would be charming. She also likes the idea of a drive and thinks that should be the third thing you do as long as you make it scenic. Jenny says that you need to be busy to make talking easier." Jenny was a genius. Taken in that light I had the smartest committee ever. "Write that down," I ordered Jugurtha, who was feverishly scribbling away. I'd have to remember to get him a laptop.

"Oh and Edward, I just remembered something else now that you reminded me, son. Sorry with age the memory goes on us frail mortals…"

"And that would be?"

"We know there's a legend that the owners of the O'Shea farm wield a tremendous power. We also know her Grandmother's all but caterwauling lately. What if we misinterpreted the land issue?

"What mean you? Billy murdered three humans over it. I think it's awfully important."

"Well there are all kinds of power, you know, in this world," he said. "Billy Black and Gregory Clearwater have ripped through that place with a magnifying glass trying to find oil or gas or gold or treasure from the Conquistadores. That's too obvious. I think Jenny's idea of taking your little missy to the land is a great idea. Bella might know something that she forgot and going there could jog her memory. Or make her more talkative."

That definitely was clever thinking. I would have to consult them more often.

"And Edward I don't know if you noticed this, but the first time you came here the second you started using your powers and touched her that pendant glowed with a white light – I remember that much. It became increasingly bright and we wondered what that meant. You were glowing green. I heard noises that sounded like pipes. The thing is I can't recall the exact tune."

"I don't recall hearing anything." He played the memory back to me. I had retrieved similar ones from the minds of my family.

"Edward, you had so much power radiating through you at the time it looked like you were short circuiting your brain from up here. I'm surprised you remember any of it." I did not like the idea of my perfect vampire memory not working accurately. And the powers….

"A book floated last night."

"Took you long enough to figure that out, too." He sniffed like I had flunked another quiz.

"How was I to know that I had the power of telekinesis?" full of umbrage, I exclaimed.

"Well, perhaps that subtle clue that you lifted your own sister and brother from where they stood and sat respectively during that horrid vision and flattened them to the earth to protect your little missy from their bloodlust. I don't know…"

"I see." I was an ignoramus indeed.

"Oh and your new pet I think she's warming to you. But she really is mighty protective of Bella. Bye now." Reflexively I waved in farewell as I experienced the odd sensation of being stuffed back into my sleeping frame. To my relief, rather than being frigid with river water, she lay warm in my arms. My human's hands were resting against my shirt. She muttered in her sleep, "Safe" and moved against me benignly. At the graze of her fingers against me I wondered how it was that with every touch, no matter how slight, my singer could spark such simple pleasure coursing through me. And while I had been with Hezekiah she had gifted me with a precious patch of drool on my shirt, I sniffed sentimentally. She was the most wonderful woman on earth. I would definitely have to figure out how to date her so we could be married and she could salivate on me every night to my heart's content. On that thought I sighed as I drifted into sleep's embrace safe within my singer's care.

A chilly hand on my shoulder startled me from sleep. I woke to find Jasper standing over me and fortunately he did not appear hungry as I could smell my own blood as I heart my heartbeat.

"Psst, Edward," If he was waking me up out of mortal slumber and depriving me of quality singer pressed against my flesh time, it had to be critical, considering he was still in everyone's dog house. Besides, we all know how well things went the last time he went around my singer when she was sleeping. This time he was smart enough to keep distance in between them.

At vampire pitch I answered, "What?" I rubbed my eyes with my fists.

"That phone number you gave me that you said Liam dialed in your dream?"

"Yes?"

"I have good news. Records show someone dialed that number, from Bella's house, on the night those three died."

"I see."

"But, there's a problem." There always was.

"And that would be?" I wanted to go back to sleep. Our Parents sat on the sofa watching, concerned at the conversation.

"If you go back to the phone records it was not a mortuary. And the number is not in Brooklyn. It's in Lake Arthur, Louisiana." Well I knew that Brooklyn part given the area code. The mortuary business while interesting, did not seem to merit in my mind, waking me up from a sound mortal slumber. I needed my singer rest. I could have another vision.

"So why are you waking me?" I called after Jasper who vanished into my closet. He was searching by his thoughts for Hezekiah's walking stick which I had hidden up high on a shelf out of her eyesight. "Top right shelf, near the wall." I said.

"I wanted to know how Liam behaved when he dialed the number in the dream you had." He explained patiently as he returned with the stick. Do what you did in the cave. See if you can send us what is in your mind."

I moved to the side of the bed, discreetly covering her, and stood. Taking the stick from Jasper I tried to remember the things I had done in the cave. As Gregory's mind had gloated thinking upon his murders and how no one would ever catch him, it had angered me. I had wished in that moment I could transmit his exact thoughts so everyone could see him like I did while reading his mind. After feeling a tugging sensation in my mind, it just happened. I don't know how. So I tried to do the same thing again. This time the stick glowed but I could only make flickers of the dream appear before blinding pain struck my head and I curled to the ground. Fortunately for me, they saw the bit with the phone.

Father said, "Edward what are you feeling?"

"Lancing pain in my mind." On hands and knees, I crawled like a wretch towards the bed.

"Why are you going to the bed?" Jasper asked in confusion.

"Touching her makes the pain cease."

Father took the walking stick. Jasper lifted me from the floor as another wave racked through me, causing me to jerk as if electrocuted. He stuffed me on the bed beside her. Reflexively my arms searched for her. At her touch I started glowing green again, but the pain lessened significantly. My head still hurt but not in the 'crawling on the ground not sure what my name is anymore,' kind of pain of a few moments before.

"All that from her scent?" Mother asked.

"No, because I've been in pain before and her smell alone was not enough to stop it. I have to touch her. I don't know why. Maybe her brain has something to do with it."

"I'm sorry I don't understand, Edward," Father said.

"When I touch her I feel a jolt. Every time. I've never felt that way with anyone else."

"I see," another wave seemed to wash over me that moment and it did not come from Jasper as I ignored their thoughts sighing in relief. My dear little one cared for me even while asleep. "Was there any other reason you woke me?" I wanted to go back to the cherishing her properly while asleep business fate had assigned for me to do.

"Prior to that night the phone records show he never dialed that number before from the house. I'm wondering if, since he appeared to be in shock, he hit a wrong number just like the voice said? And Liam O'Shea's financial records are shady."

"What precisely does that mean?"

"He has a whole heck of a lot of money stashed in off-shore accounts. Switzerland, too."

Father thought to himself that not many humans in this area had the money to have Swiss accounts.

"I have several off shore accounts and five in Switzerland. What of it?"

"We _are _shady." He spoke to me as if I were a toddler.

"Well, true. But still. Does he have any connection to Lake Arthur, Louisiana that you can find?" I yawned, waving my right palm in front of my face, covering my mouth.

Jasper waved his hand at me before my eyes to check if I were awake, "Still working on that. And where did the money come from?"

"Perhaps the O'Shea's had hidden cash reserves?" Mother said.

"They didn't. They were moderately wealthy," I mumbled remembering my earlier research.

"So how did he make his money?" Father asked.

"That's a very good question. He claimed to have been a botanist during his life, and his records do show a Ph.D. from the University of Washington." Jasper had been busy, it seemed.

"Your point, brother?" Why did he have to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me this?

"From his tax records, he did not appear to have a real job, Edward. He was an adjunct instructor at the local colleges for his entire life. He worked several grants, most of them international. And he published quite often." With a record like that he could work at any school he wanted, Jasper's mind told me. Hmmm. Odd. Very odd. But Liam did sound crazy from Hezekiah's description and that could account for an inability to hold a job.

"What was the subject of his dissertation?" Mother asked. She had gone to college a few times and liked the sciences.

"He did something about ferns and algae from the local area. Boring." The history and philosophy snob in Jasper came out roaring.

"I see."

"That's not why I woke you."

I arched a brow at him. And yawned.

"If he did all this research, where was his lab?"

"You said he was adjunct faculty."

"Yes, and they don't usually give part time faculty members large laboratories to frolic about seeing as it's not a good use of their money and all. He continuously published research. Where was his lab? There are no financial records indicating he rented an office or owned a building that could be used as one."

"That merits further consideration," Father said. "Jasper, can you and Rosalie work on reading his papers and see if his work required any particular kind of specialized equipment beyond a microscope?"

"Of course, Father."

"May I go back to sleep now, please?" My singer was calling to me with her siren lure.

Damn him, Jasper had other ideas, "I think we need to take her safe deposit key," he held out a copy Emmett had made when I had claimed it was at the jewelers having the latch repaired, "and take a field trip, don't you?" He knew exactly how to torture me, the bastard. Mother and Father stepped outside for a moment to allow me to change.

The quicker I went to the bank the quicker I'd be in her arms. Duly inspired, I took off my shirt.

"Edward what the hell are you doing?" Jasper hissed scandalized. Thinking to myself, 'I see, indiscriminately kidnapping and murdering human and vampire women and men alike for decades was fine for you; but me disrobing before a sleeping not a chance in Hades of waking up thanks to my powers young human female was wrong?' I shook my head as I realized my brother had issues. Serious issues. And they gave me a hard time for being repressed? He would only briefly hold hands with his mate in public. And to him that was pushing the line on appropriateness, the ninny.

"I'm leaving my shirt that has my scent with her so she does not become distressed when I leave the bed. If you wake her, it's your ashes." Percipient-challenged prude.

I went to the closet and changed. Father walked into my bedroom and said, "I think Jasper has a good idea. Are you awake enough to go? We didn't want to leave you out of it. And on the way back we need to visit the graveyard."

"I feel fine, thank you."

Emmett, Jasper, and I ran down to the bank and made quick work of its security system. It took over forty-five minutes of searching but we found the exact box in the most inconvenient corner after trying the key on 4,000 boxes one by one. I did not know where my secretive singer hid the other safe deposit key she had mentioned having despite assiduous searching on my part of her abode and glared at the smirking boxes. I couldn't break them all open so would have to be patient a while longer. Speaking of frustration, we could not use vampire speed because the keys bent; we found much to our dismay. Darn cheap metal. We had found Mrs. Stanley's master key and knew we had to use them both at once, hence the double requirement for human speed since we hadn't copied her master key. Yet. Finally, Emmett and Jasper found the right box as a 10" door opened to reveal a metal container. Emmett lifted it and placed it on the table. The rectangular box opened on the left hand side and the hinged top lifted from the left to reveal its contents. Emmett opened the box and lifted out a velvet bag. It contained two envelopes. Emmett handed to me after glancing at it. "Uh, it's for you." He snorted.

"What do you mean it's for me?"

"Your name is on both of them."

"What?"

Indeed, my name was written on them both in a decidedly masculine scrawl by someone with exceptional penmanship with the instructions, "Read this first." I opened it to find the following written, "Dear soul-sucking scalawag, if it took you this long to find this letter I'm worried that you are even more stupid than we suspected. How many times did we have to have her say "safe" before it occurred to you to saunter to the bank? You had all better protect my little girl. Think harder. Keep digging. I'm fine with killing Billy. As long as he suffers. A lot.

P.S. Find the jerk in the second envelope. He leads them. That's all I know.

Maliciously yours, Liam O'Shea."

P.P.S.

There once was an idiot Edward Cullen

He skulked through eternity rather sullen

He deceived a sheltered innocent bride

To stand by his side

All along not realizing how the mighty had fallen.

Meretricious Moron."

Shakespeare could rest soundly in his grave. Liam most definitely should have stuck to his day job, whatever that was. And that last part did not even go with the limerick. And since I had never lied to _him_, why was he labeling me as such? And I most certainly was not a moron: I'd found the right box after all. These people were demented. My poor dear little one descended from a family tree squawking full of shrieking harpies and slinking lunatics. On the positive side, even Liam seemed to give his blessing for our marriage and desecrating his grave, two events I actually looked forward to doing. Keep digging indeed. I'd show him digging. Which one of us is still alive, buddy? Oh. Never mind.

Watching the play of expressions across my face, my brothers started laughing, having read over my shoulder.

"Damn Edward." Emmett crowed.

"I'm not the one whose car got destroyed." I reminded him glaring.

Jasper gulped. He was still waiting to see how Genevieve or Liam might respond to that whole aiming lust at me practical joke they had played that had enraged our family, and Genevieve, too, it seemed. He tried to be casual about examining the room for threats and then started wondering if she'd strike at the bank. Knowing Genevieve she'd save her wrath for Jasper since it was his power that he utilized in the joke.

"Does it bother you that they knew we'd be here?" Jasper added.

"Hezekiah said that power ran in the family. So no. Considering we have all sorts of gifts why couldn't they?" I said.

"Yeah, but it's kind of creepy, you know?" Emmett wasn't used to being out of control.

I gawped at them both and said, "That demon woman knows everything, why should this be different?"

A closer examination of the paper revealed numbers had been written on it in lemon juice by its scent, Jasper noted, invisible to the human eye. "It looks like it's an account number."

I glanced at the empty box on the table. Of course they had to make everything difficult. What a peculiar family. How she resulted from their DNA should be the 8th wonder of the world. Perhaps Liam genetically engineered her in the hidden lab of his. It's the only explanation that made sense.

The second envelope contained a portrait of a man that had been drawn with colored pencils by someone who had talent. Doggerel verse aside, Liam had been quite a gifted artist. Unfortunately, I had never seen the individual drawn in the portrait in any of my human's family photos, nor scanning through my memory had I ever encountered him in person or on paper. Emmett and Jasper both scrutinized the paper with the same confusion, thinking the same thing.

"That's it? A picture?" Emmett blurted unable to keep the disappointment from his voice.

"Surely there's more in the box, Emmett." I said.

"Sorry, man there's nothing else in there," he tilted the empty box to the side and nothing slid out from its depths.

Jasper shook his head. "Somehow I doubt if Liam is leaving it here that Bella has ever seen this man. And we now have a problem."

"What? We're not even close to getting caught, relax Jasper." Emmett said.

"This box only has the velvet bag in it. If we take the paper it's empty. We have no idea what Bella thinks is in here but we need to leave something in its place. Something that she would think came from her relatives."

Emmett laughed and said, "One step ahead of you there buddy," he held out a necklace that looked familiar. "That was my Mother's." I blurted.

"Yes, Edward. You gave it to Rose for her birthday ten years ago. She thinks that it would be perfect to put it in the bag for Bella to find."

"But I gave it to Rosalie. We can't take it away. That would be rude." It bewildered me that Rosalie would give up pearl jewelry for my human.

"Rosalie would be offended if you turned down her request." Emmett was right about his mate. I sighed. "Fine." From the photo albums we had all examined of her family, the necklace did resemble one that her Grandmother wore. And pearls were pearls they all looked alike. Those were the same size and color. Luck was on our side.

We left after re-arming the security system. I couldn't help but lower Mrs. Stanley's swivel chair by nine rotations after replacing her master key in her drawer. She'd have a surprise when she sat down the next morning with her knee caps almost in her face since I had altered the height of her chair. Ungentlemanly, perhaps, but I had to seek some kind of retribution for that whole leering at me in public routine. And her daughter irritated me. So there. She's lucky that's all I did, I thought snapping my teeth. Then again, some people were simply too annoying to bother to kill. Too much trouble to hide that woman. She'd definitely be missed if not physically, then aurally.

We journeyed without incident down Calawah Way road to the lonely Forks cemetery. I had taken the note with me, because I couldn't have my human opening the box to find a note written to me by her Great uncle with the words 'soul-sucking' much less 'moron' on it. That wouldn't do at all. First, I had multiple degrees thereby disproving the disparagement of my intellect, and second, the 'soul-sucker' epithet was absolutely true. I definitely wanted to suck her…pinkie, maybe a lock of her hair. Among other things. After marriage, of course. Jasper cuffed me gently saying, "Focus Edward." He didn't have the gall to chide me over experiencing lust. Genevieve would strike whenever she felt like it, I thought rancorously. For once, I was rooting her on. She did have the moral high ground.

Father met us at the graveyard that held the bodies of Genevieve, Jericho, and Liam. We told him about the letters and he cracked an uncharacteristically sarcastic smile after reading Liam's verse. "We'll look at the other one later we need to get this done as quickly as possible," he said.

Using shovels Jasper, Emmett and I each took a position around the family plot. Father had initially thought we'd only pick one. After reading the note, he decided prudence dictated we had better do all three. Carlisle arranged his equipment as we dug into the earth, clearing the coffins at vampire speed.

Of course, we started with Genevieve. Upon opening her casket, I expected her to pop up like a painted clown out of a child's toy or have an envelope with my name scrawled on it clutched in her withered hand, her corpse grinning malevolently at me. I found instead her frail body, not a grin in sight. Father took a few samples as respectfully as he could. We could see that they had not bothered to put cosmetics on her, hence the closed casket funeral. She wore a blue dress that, had they been alive, would have flattered her eyes. Her face and hands and neck were covered with marks that indicated she had indeed expired from bee stings.

Using tweezers, I found three stingers alone that the lazy mortician hadn't even bothered to remove from her neck, and six more on her forearms. I put them into a plastic bag to be studied later, sealing it. And they'd put her in the coffin with her dress askew. So I fixed that, too. And straightened the pearls at her throat, carefully. I couldn't bury her leaving them crooked like the idiot mortician had, even if she was a demented gorgon who made driving me insane appear so easy. Someone had to do right by my human's family. They gave me her, after all.

Jericho and Liam's bodies were in the same condition. Liam had a cross held in his hands that appeared familiar. Father and Emmett examined it. I remembered it had lain on his Mother's dresser on the day of his birth. Something made me want to examine it. Emmett said as I removed it from Liam's hands, "Man taking his cross, that's kind of cold Edward."

"I'm not taking it, I'm examining it. Liam said to keep digging. There has to be something other than bee stingers here for us to learn." He had ten stingers sticking from his flesh and I left every single one alone out of my profound respect for his poetry.

I lifted the cross. We all heard something rattle within. It seemed unusually heavy for wood and the light metal that adorned it. I showed it to Emmett who found a thin line on the back of it. He fiddled with it for a moment only to have it fall apart in his hands. Something heavy fell on his foot.

"What is that?" Father asked and we all bent forward to see.

"It's a necklace." Emmett lifted his foot from the ground to his hand removing the piece from the top of his shoe. He held it out in the moonlight. It appeared to be solid gold and very old. Mother would have a field day with it if she could extract it from the claws of Rosalie and Mary Alice.

"What would a necklace be doing in a crucifix? And Genevieve is going to pound you again for destroying her twin's crucifix."

"I didn't destroy it, I just opened it. See?" he snapped the cross shut. "All good here. No need for violence against innocent cars or vampires." Emmett stared up at the heavens in supplication, whining.

"More importantly why would Liam want us to know about it?" It's not like any of us had any use for it. Perhaps I could find a way to give it to my human that wouldn't make Mary Alice hyperventilate since she had banned me giving my human things out of fear of overwhelming her. Nevertheless, we decided that the crucifix and the necklace were coming back with us. Sorry Liam. No cross for you.

We took Jericho's Bible for good measure ensuring that each one of us would roast in hell having to break his fingers to pry the book from them. Mary Alice appeared at that moment with crucifixes and Bibles in hand. Out of remorse for the breaking the fingers part, I removed all the stingers I could find in his body and straightened his tie.

"I had a feeling you would need these." She said quietly. She hopped down to Jericho's casket and replaced the Bible and did her best to fix his fingers, apologizing to him quietly.

I moved to Genevieve's to close the coffin so we could rebury her. Mary Alice helped. As she jumped from the sunken pit up to the ground's surface, I wanted to ask her if she had brought Holy water that we could sprinkle on all the bodies.

This pleased Starched Shirt Edward, who said, "See you are coming around to religion. That would be a wonderful thing to do for them."

"No, I wanted to do it to make sure they stay dead. I left my wooden stakes at home in Mother's vegetable garden."

Jugurtha laughed. Starched Shirt Edward didn't find that too funny. Neither for that matter, did Genevieve as she slammed her coffin on my fingers repeatedly before I could remove them. "Fine," I apologized to her. "Sorry." She grudgingly let go of my fingers as my brothers, Father, and sister watched in bemusement asking me why I was playing with Genevieve's coffin and apologizing to her for my disrespect.

I didn't have the heart to explain as I leapt up to the surface. And my fingers hurt. A lot. I wouldn't be able to play the piano for a few hours, I thought. I tried to shake off the sting, staring at the pits. Keep digging. Inspiration struck.

"The note said to keep digging. What if they really meant that?"

"Can't hurt." Emmett said.

We each took a grave, removed the coffins, and dug below. I had Genevieve's and found nothing but irritated earthworms. Emmett in Liam's grave came up empty as well. Jasper in Jericho's grave suddenly called, "Found it!"

We emerged from our respective burrows to find him clutching a large safe that was coated with dirt.

Father said, "We need to get the bodies back the sun will soon be up. We'll save that for the house."

I fought the urge to cross myself as we took samples, closed the caskets and returned them to the cold earth's care. For reasons I couldn't even explain, I took extra care with Genevieve's body and even added in my jacket which had her granddaughter's scent.

"Edward, why are you putting your jacket over her body?" Father asked.

"Because it smells of Bella. And it's the best thing I could think of to give Genevieve." The rest of my clothes were staying put out of principle. Liam could go hang before I'd give him my sweater and Jericho somehow, I thought, would not ask for the shirt off my back. And my pants were definitely staying on. For now.

After covering the graves, we placed sod as carefully as we could to hide the damage. At Mother's suggestion, we planted miniature rosebushes on all three graves so anyone wondering about the disturbed earth would attribute it to the bushes. And I quite liked the idea of Genevieve having flowers eternally, I must admit. She could use some cheering up, that one. And flowers with thorns to protect her grave, of course, that represented an added bonus. Father took out a book of prayers and read them over the graves as we stood head bowed in respect.

We returned to the house, cleaned the soil from our bodies and showed the picture around. No one had ever seen the man drawn. He had a beauty that even by our standards appeared noteworthy. Liam had depicted him with short white-blond curly hair. Pale skinned, his thin lips had a tilt to them that suggested he was not the kindest being in the world. His dark maroon irises sealed that sentiment in stone. They almost seemed to slither on the page. Considering he had the nightmare like his sibling and great-niece as well, I'm guessing that Liam had just left us our first clue as to the identity of the red-eyed people. Somehow he'd known he was their leader. Why he would have seen the face but my dear little one only heard the voices was, of course, an excellent question that only a non-moron would think to ask. Ingrate. I toiled for him for free. I should start charging by the hour for my investigatory prowess.

We used a broom on the safe so we wouldn't track filth inside the house and decided to open it in the garage. My human never ventured there so we could hide it easily. It had a combination and a lock and ignoring them both, Emmett tore through the metal like it was an eggshell. Another box was inside. We removed it and opened it.

"That's it?" I blurted.

"Dude. That's messed up." Emmett was profound in his speech.

We had a ledger from Billy's trash company with accounts in it. Two books actually. How silly was that? And why bury them under their graves accompanied by a volume of the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis? A note inside the book said, "Put this in the box and don't open the envelope." Genevieve had signed it.

Before I could do anything, Father took the envelope under the note and the book and handed it to Jasper and said, "Run back to the bank and put this in the box as quick as you can." He didn't have to ask twice. Jasper took his copy of the key and vanished.

Mary Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and I all sat down with separate computers and after scanning the drawing and recording the hidden numbers on the page that had been penned in lemon juice, we began researching. Between the four of us surely we could discover something. I had to hold back yawning half the time. Rosalie had obtained a degree in art history when we had lived in Russia so had used the picture to see if there existed any paintings of the man. Mary Alice ran the family's finances with ease and she knew her way around the financial centers of the world so we gave her the number and Billy's ledger. Twenty minutes later, Father came downstairs leaving Mother alone watching over my singer and checked on our progress. Rosalie showed him the drawing and Father said, "Oh blast."

We stilled, staring at him. Jasper broke the tension in the room with his arrival from his errand and silently watched. Father never cursed. Ever. Not in all the years I'd known him.

"What?" Emmett prodded.

"If he's one of the red-eyed people we have a serious problem." Father alarmed us all with his tone.

"Why? Do you know him?" Jasper asked.

"No." his tone hadn't improved. He actually appeared frightened.

"I don't understand. If you don't know him then how do you know we have a problem?" Emmett as ever was practical.

"This," Father pointed to what looked like an odd scratch on the man's temple, "to mortal eyes that's a scratch or a scar. To immortal eyes, it's a venom tattoo."

"Vampires get tattoos?" Emmett sounded excited. He wanted a tattoo of Rosalie's name on….never mind.

"Yes, although the procedure is difficult and sometimes fatal if you don't know what you are doing." Emmett face melted at the thought. He couldn't put his Rose through that to have his name on ….never mind again. Degenerate.

"I thought we could only be killed by dismemberment." Jasper asked, and certainly he had practiced that technique enough to be able to critique it with an expert's eye.

"That's not accurate. I've seen some simply will themselves to die, although that is very rare. Also, we can perish from venom, although not in the manner you might think. If the venom is concentrated enough or comes from a vampire that is old enough then it can paralyze. I saw it in Italy."

"Well, if you're paralyzed then you would recover eventually, would you not?"

"The Volturi were experimenting to answer that question. Part of why I stayed with them as long as I did was out of curiosity for their knowledge." From reading his thoughts I could tell that their experiments in part had ultimately caused him to leave. They were gut-wrenching. "To date none of their subjects have recovered. It's as good as dead. There's no brain activity either." His mind's eye showed me six vampires, four men and two women, all frozen in place lying on the floor, with a group above them scribbling notes.

On the other side of the room were twelve immortal children, the ultimate taboo in the immortal world. Despite banning them, the Volturi had found a practical use for some they captured. We all sat and thought about that hideous notion. I read from his mind that the oldest "subject" had been lying in that room in the dungeon for over a thousand years. The children from his memory appeared cold, although I knew they couldn't feel it.

"So what about this mark? Are you saying that you know it?" Emmett asked.

"The Volturi came to power after fighting a series of wars with other vampire armies that we call the Vampire Wars for lack of a better term or imagination. Since they were triumphant in the end, they prefer to name the conflict "The Rising". We were plentiful back then in terms of numbers and people were turned constantly in order to keep the armies to where they could have battles. This happened before I was alive. It differed from your conflicts Jasper, because they did not use newborns at all. They waited until the vampire had control and trained them in the meantime day and night. By the time they hit the battlefield they were infinitely more dangerous than the newborn armies of the Southern Wars." We listened rapt to the history.

"How did you learn of this?" Jasper asked. Typical, Jasper the military historian wanting all the gory details.

His thoughts turned to their whimsical historian, "Aro of the Volturi told me about it. And they went out of their way to turn soldiers; entire groups of them if they could. This way when they awoke if they had their memories they already knew how to fight. And the training during their newborn years only added to their skills. Each army had their own tattoo they would make their soldiers wear in order to visually display their allegiance."

"I'm guessing no-one ever changed sides." Rosalie mused.

"No one that lived," Father agreed.

"Marcus of the Volturi was turned along with his soldiers at the beginning of that era. He was high ranking in the Roman army at the time of his death. As a vampire he commanded tremendous loyalty from his soldiers. I know all his were marked. Caius did not like being left out and had all of his men marked as well."

"So when you lived in Italy you saw a bunch of marks like this, right?" Rosalie examined the drawing.

"Actually I did not. The vampire wars decimated the race, and not many survived. The Volturi were left standing at the end, but only just thanks to a combination of Marcus' genius and luck. And of those that did survive the conflict, the Volturi used for another purpose. You have one group of elite guards that roam the earth and discipline other covens like what we saw in Los Angeles." We stilled at the horror of that episode.

"So what do these guys do? Work for Marcus?" Rosalie asked.

"Marcus lost his mate right around the time of the last battle. I'm afraid he's never been the same since. He lives but only because his brothers refuse to allow him to take his own life." We saw the pain cross his face.

Emmett said, "So what he just sits there?"

Father said, "Aro is the only one who can conveniently communicate with him because Aro can read minds. He speaks for Marcus because Marcus has not uttered a word since he was told of the death of his family. He does write from time to time. And Caius and Aro use vampires with gifts to keep Marcus from killing himself, but it has required considerable effort, I'm afraid."

"That's horrible," Mary Alice said.

"Mated pairs usually die together. Or one follows the other. The fact that he's still alive is actually noteworthy."

"But sad." Rosalie said.

"Regarding the soldiers, they do whatever they're told. The Volturi don't waste their talents on mundane disciplinary matters. It's a little hard to hide the tattoos so they can't be used to infiltrate other covens. They are operatives, and they are rarely in Italy. If one of them shows up at your door, it's usually quite severe."

"So you're telling me that the red-eyed people are the Volturi?" My voice rose in alarm, we'd have to leave immediately. I had a bank account in the Bahamas we could use. We'd tell her father we had eloped. He'd believe anything, that one.

"No, Edward that would be premature, although that is a valid consideration. I'm telling you that this person was a soldier from the Vampire Wars. Clearly he bears a mark of allegiance. Although I'm not sure to whom because I've never studied them enough to know what symbol went with what army beyond that of Marcus and Caius. And this symbol does not resemble either one of theirs."

Jasper sighed and listed other theories, "So he could be a soldier who survived and has nothing to do with the Volturi and roams the earth like I did when I left Mexico. Or he could be working with another surviving army as a mercenary." Father still appeared troubled.

"From what I understand their loyalty was legendary. You had to earn the tattoo. And it took quite some time to earn them. At least a century. They were considered status symbols. Only the fiercest warriors had the privilege of wearing them. And I don't see someone like that working against the interests of his leader. So unless his army is all dead and he's the last survivor, I don't see how he could be a mercenary in the human sense of the term. You can't buy their loyalty."

Marvelous! The Volturi had Eagle Scouts.

"I'm afraid that at this point the only thing that is safe to posit is that someone very old and very powerful might possibly be part of the red-eyed people that haunt Bella." Father concluded.

"But Father, he's just one guy. Couldn't we fight him like any other?" Emmett asked.

"I'm afraid he's not your typical vampire like Jasper faced in battle. He's a seasoned veteran most likely of several centuries of warfare as the Vampire Wars went on for 600 years, which makes the two decades of the Southern wars appear a mere quarrel."

We pondered that thought.

"Fine. So what you are saying is that this guy is someone that from the sound of it we do not want showing up any where near us or Bella." Emmett added uncharacteristically not wanting to fight.

"Precisely." Father agreed. "But we do need to remember this: Bella's Grandmother and Great uncle had the same dream and no one ever found them."

"Yes, but now Genevieve and Liam are both insistent that we pay attention, and that can't be good." Rosalie said.

"It can't be all that bad, either. My visions do not see anyone coming to the house or near Bella." Mary Alice soothed.

"Yes, but aside from random visions that you get, yours work best with people you know. You don't know this man. Do you?" Jasper said.

"I don't recall, Jasper. Aside from the memories from the visions everything before I was turned is gone. But I am beginning to know Bella. And I have seen her future on some occasions, although not as clearly as I can any one else in the family, obviously. And I don't see this man. And these books I've been studying? Apparently Liam got evidence that Billy was embezzling money from his own business. He left us lots of proof and I think it's in Billy's handwriting."

"Edward you need to go to sleep. You're yawning again." Father suggested. Nodding in agreement I climbed the stairs, and showered quietly. It felt quite queer to actually need sleep, and I carefully extracted my top from the grasp of my dear little one, and put the shirt back on staring at her. Walking silently to the closet, a thrill ran through me when I placed my shoes aside hers on the floor.

As I approached the bed, I tried to get the image of Genevieve's tiny frame from my mind. "Dream Edward?" my singer said causing me to start. Mother came into the room immediately. The rest were on their way.

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Grandmother says it's ok she understands."

"Are you saying she understands what we did tonight?"

"Mmm-hmmm." She nodded with a bright smile, "Land. Excursion. Bee. Help."

"Of course we will help in any way we can. Is there anything in particular you wish me to know?"

"Home. Sue. Harry. Paula. Phoenix."

Despite my urging she said no more sinking further into slumber. She began to toss and I could sense a nightmare as I pulled her against me and crooned until she stilled. I have no idea why I started spouting Shakespearean sonnets, they were the first thing that came to mind since we were working on English papers, although mine was on Matthew "Crabby" Arnold author of Dover Beach. It was good to have a broad selection of poems memorized, adding to the appearance of being civilized not to mention educated. It meant nothing at all that they were sonnets about silly human emotions. But it did seem to make her rest more peaceful. I fell asleep listening to her heartbeat thinking of her Grandmother resting beneath the earth's embrace. I couldn't let that happen to her. It just wasn't natural. She had to be above ground breathing. The world was not the same without her in it. My singer, I mean my….everything.

And that was, of course, when Genevieve struck us all now that she had lulled us into lowering our guard.

From his study where he worked on his computer, Jasper mentally quailed as the vision swept us to a rural scene with rolling green hills and large evergreen trees. We smelled wood smoke and saw the plumes from the chimney in the large white Victorian house before us. Jasper's mind recognized it as his family home. Mary Alice sprinted into the room as he fell to the ground.

I knew what would follow could not be good and held my singer in my arms thinking I had to protect her from her own Grandmother with what power I had. Green light poured from my hands surrounding us. The vision called me again. Jasper's agony crashed into us all.

The Whitlock house appeared positively bucolic with steep gables and plump red rosebushes competing for room with jasmine as they climbed the walls. The scent of the flowers now surrounded us. We could slightly smell the odor of several horses kept in a barn to our left, and their feed and the leather of the saddles. But the house drew our attention. Like a soldier, it stood proudly among the trees.

It seemed like a gift from Genevieve to remind him of where he'd come from and restore his memories. Except for that growling business. We smelled it at first, the scent of blood, lots of it, as a man emerged from the woods. He casually dragged a corpse of a small elderly man. Aaron had been drinking while he walked and appeared bored as he tossed the corpse to the side like a crunched aluminum can. The man had been the school teacher who had taught Aaron and Jasper both their math.

"Home." Aaron breathed his bright red eyes out of place in his fair face topped with red hair. Transforming into a vampire hadn't seemed to alter Aaron's appearance much. His uniform had certainly seen better days, crusted with mud and torn at the shoulder. Jasper's childhood best friend, turned by his careless newborn hand, approached the Whitlock residence. Jasper's mind told us that Aaron had grown up in the house every bit as much as he had and was closer to the Whitlocks than to his own family. If hurt, he'd have gone there first for succor.

Aaron walked up the porch and without knocking, entered the house. Jasper remembered that they had always been like that with each other's homes. What made it so discordant, aside from all that newborn vampire walking into a pristine house business, was the sheer number of scents that emerged from Aaron. We could smell the blood of at least forty-two people on him. And he was covered in gore, only his face left clean. He slammed the door behind him, breaking it from its hinges. The vision did not show us the interior of the house.

We sat and listened in horror as Aaron dined on Jasper's entire family, taking his time about it by vampire standards. Pouring from Jasper was a river of guilt, shame, horror, and pain which rushed over us all drowning in its wake. Worse, we felt the agony of each victim and the joy of Aaron as he murdered the family he loved as his own with cheerful words and exuberant smacking of his lips, feeling comforted at the mere sight of them as he fed. It took a mere four minutes for eager Genevieve to mete out justice and shatter my brother's heart. The vision ended with the snap of his youngest sister's neck and the sigh of pleasure from Aaron as his mouth bit down upon her flesh. She had been Jasper's favorite. Apparently, Aaron's too.

Mary Alice had clung to his side as the vision continued. Despite the emotions escaping from her husband, she tried to offer him comfort. As the images ceased, she pulled his head into her lap as he lay curled on his side sobbing. Mother and Rosalie cried. Father, Emmett and I held onto our composure by means I know not. My human trembled at Jasper's emotions, but soothed at my frantic touch.

"I'm sorry," Jasper cried to the heavens, rocking on the ground weeping for his family. He'd thought they'd all perished in a brushfire that had raged in the area making the history books for its savagery. You had to hand it to Aaron, he definitely knew how to cover his tracks and clean up his mess. Nobody fooled Jasper. Except for Genevieve, that is.

My family moved to Jasper's study, finding him huddling with his wife. They slowly left the room as really, there was nothing to say. Genevieve had done all the talking necessary. Mary Alice to spare us lifted her husband and carried him from the house to their cottage. Much to my surprise he did not protest.

Tossing in her sleep, my poor little bottle cap cried out which encouraged me to pull her tighter against my side. Mother came into the room, having just left the devastated Jasper and his mate in their cottage which was blessedly out of sensorial range from his gift. Carlisle sat with them both, ignoring the pain.

Rosalie huddled in Emmett's arms haunted by the noises she remembered in vivid detail. Sleep captured me again. The last thing I recall is my Mother's thoughts as she sat on the sofa worrying about my heart and Jasper's.

Having my singer under our roof was a joy to behold for the wondrous week we cared for her following that night. The evenings became a routine with one of us tugging the other by the arm to bed where we chastely slept – ok, she chastely slept most of the time, and did all the tugging, and if awake I watched. A lot. I mean vigilantly monitored her vital signs and the exterior of the house for unusual supernatural activity, epi pens within hand's reach. After all, her Grandmother specifically requested me to engage in this activity as did, apparently her lunatic, rude, and poetically challenged Great Uncle Liam. And my Parents were nearby to assure that I behaved. Unfortunately. And they had made sure she knew that they watched over us as we slept to make sure that she did not get sick in the middle of the night, nor I, given my imaginary epilepsy. My dear little one entertained me so lately. Rosalie had taken to calling my activity "Bella Television."

I kept thinking of excuses to keep her within my reach. We couldn't use testing for a bee allergy as a justification because we'd already performed the test on her again. And she was not allergic, thank God. Although she kept telling me that I needed to slow down and take deep breaths when we ran the test on her. She had looked on in concern at the fistful of epi pens I had held in my shaking hands. My human and Emmett both amused me muttering back and forth about nerves and hyperventilation as Father carried out the exact test on her. I'd had a paper bag in hand because I knew she feared needles. I didn't expect to have to demonstrate how to use it to her. Twice. For the safety of my human purposes, of course. Vampires, after all, didn't require oxygen, although my chest burned without it lately and felt better when I showed her how to use the bag. I couldn't get Genevieve's jerking body out of my brain as she died as I stared at my human.

Despite being in town, her Father did not request her presence at his domicile. Speaking of conflict, Charlie had his hands full trying to pry facts from the tight-lipped Paula Black. My human knew he had returned and did not seem to care, much to my relief. The phone lines rang between Florida and Forks as Charlie discussed with his ex-wife their daughter.

"She won't call me." He complained.

"It hurts my heart so that she knows. I'm so worried, Charlie. Our baby." Renee whined. How those two stopped long enough to reproduce…..never mind.

"You're the girl here. I don't know what to do."

"Well, when I talked to her about my problems I always felt better afterwards. You should sit down and talk to her. The poor baby. How could they do that to her after all this time? She was fine." She sighed. "If you can get her to come to the phone, I'll try." She volunteered.

"No, thanks. I'll handle it. Bye now." Charlie ended the call. He intended to come and fetch her and kept thinking of another reason why he shouldn't each night. I had no complaints. Neither, for that matter, did she.

Bitter-sweetly, I realized our mornings had evolved into the same routine. I would lie in her arms as my heartbeat gradually slowed. I thought it would become easier – the half human part – but it hurt the same each time. Drawing upon decades of dramatic practice, I became better at hiding it though, so my family worried less. Knowing the comfort of her embrace, I always waited until my heart had stopped before leaving bed. I needed her, after all. And if awake, she never said a word, and permitted me my pride. After but a few days, I thought I could get used to this, if it meant keeping her in my arms. A tiny voice in the back of my mind whispered as I picked up my shoes from their resting place beside hers. I had managed to undergo the experience without crying ever since that first morning.

My acting skills were back into force but holding her when my heart ceased beating, I think, was the only thing that kept me from screaming. Half-human me wanted to live with my all human future wife. I didn't want to think about how I would cope when she returned to Chief Swan's house. My heart if beating would race, panicking the family. So I tried to push thoughts of her departure away. It's not like her Father cared, anyway. She could simply live here.

Sue Clearwater put her foot down and ended my idyll with my singer. She called Charlie and said, "I'd like to arrange for Bella to come and spend the weekend with us."

"Oh, well, you'll have to call the Cullens to talk to her."

"Charlie, why is she still there?"

"Uh, well…."

"Are you telling me you've been back in town for five days and you have left your daughter there the entire time?"

"Well, me and Paula…." He started defensively.

"Are not a valid excuse for abandoning your child. Again. Go get her or I will. And here's Harry, he has a few words for you." Irate, she handed the portable handset to her husband who mentally shook his head at his friend wondering how he failed so spectacularly at being a parent.

"Charlie."

"You're going to yell at me. I know. I deserve it."

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know what to say to her, Harry. And she won't answer my calls."

"That's why you are the father in this story. Go and get your daughter. And you are going to have to explain to her why you and Renee made the decision that you did. She is horrified, Charlie. And she thought we were in on it."

"Oh well, I'll tell her that you didn't know."

"What about your parents and Liam?"

"Well, they knew, but Renee made them swear to not say anything. I don't know what happened it was a big fight and I was out on a call. I came home to find Renee telling me that she'd got Mom, Dad, and Liam to promise to stay out of it. And she left me six months later."

"So you never knew what happened between them?"

Charlie didn't answer the question; his mind seemed to be having trouble focusing as he panicked, "We never meant to hurt her. We didn't think it would make a difference, anyway."

"Dr. Cullen said that therapy would have helped her had she had it all along."

"Our insurance didn't cover it and the doctors didn't seem to think it would help her all that much. So…"

"So nothing, you sat by and watched her fall and break bones and get mocked for years and didn't say a word. She's awfully upset. There's no getting around this one. She told the Cullens she grew up feeling like a freak, Charlie, wondering what was wrong with her."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Save it for your daughter. Doctor Cullen has arranged for her to have physical therapy now."

"For pneumonia?"

"No Charlie, for her permanent brain damage, you know what we've been talking about?"

"Oh, that." His voice glum, he sighed.

"If your insurance won't pay for it Sue and I will cover it."

"I'm sure they'll cover it, or I'll handle it. I have the money."

Harry rang off with a heavy heart. He thanked God that Charlie only had Bella to supervise. And Bella, ironically enough he thought, was probably happier at the Cullens.

My singer had touched us all this morning. She ran her hand across my upper shoulder and said, "Edward,"

"Hmmm," I did not want to move from her embrace, my heart had just stopped beating.

"Did I hear right that Alice had a birthday a few days ago?"

"Yes, she did." I wondered why she asked.

"May I please borrow your laptop?"

My Mother had helpfully opened the shutters to awaken us this morning prior to leaving to make my human breakfast and brew a pot of coffee that no one would ever drink.

"Most assuredly, you know you don't have to ask." I wanted her to be comfortable after all. She was home. She didn't know it yet, of course. I kept my eyes shut feeling the sunlight play against the lids as I listened to her heart at my ear, envious of its beat, cherishing it still.

"I do if I want to leave the bed you big lug." She tapped my back reminding me that I clutched her against me, trapping her, I mean treasuring her with my arms.

I pretended to awaken fully and made of production of releasing her instantly with regret, "My apologies, dear lady." She snorted. Unfortunately, doing so caused her pulmonary distress. She coughed for a few moments bending at the waist. I shot up from the bed and knelt behind her carefully patting her back with a flattened palm. I reached over her with my long arms for a glass of water, which she gratefully took.

Once I felt she would not expire, I moved back to my place on the bed, resting against the headboard. "Why don't we worry about that computer while you have a breathing treatment?" She sounded much better but still had yet to recover her strength.

"Spoilsport." She moved to set up her nebulizer with practiced hands.

"On the contrary I never spoil at sports. I always win." I couldn't help the snide remark as it flew from my lips. I stood to fetch my clothing for the day.

A pillow sailed through the air at me, smacking against the side of my head. I pretended that I did not see it, striding to the other side of the room, hearing her laugh behind me. I crossed to the closet and selected fresh attire. Changing in the restroom, I mimicked the noises a normal human would make pouring water into the commode and flushing it after showering. Brushing my teeth was tricky but accomplished without maiming the plastic, and Rosalie had created a handy hidden compartment to hide the plastic corpses so my human would not get curious if she found a shredded toothbrush. I carefully took the fake toothbrush dipped it in mouthwash and left it to dry in its holder. I shaved at a little faster than human speed because my time left with her was short and I couldn't bear to waste it out of her sight.

When I returned to the room, I found her typing rapidly. She had connected my laptop to my color printer which churned out sheets. I lifted them from the tray and handed the papers to her with care. She had created a gift certificate for an afternoon of chess to be used at Alice's discretion. Reading it I laughed at the quip she included in the note about how perhaps she might even let Alice win a game or two in honor of her belated birthday. My human had a wonderful sense of humor. Mary Alice would be touched. On that note, my sisters swept into the room to tear my little one once again from my side. I'd have to let them only this twice. I had put my foot down on the flat ironing. Fortunately, my singer anticipated my wishes and told my sisters that she wanted her hair braided instead. She handed Mary Alice the gift certificate and hugged her saying, "Happy birthday, Alice." My human was not a hugger. Mary Alice fought back tears she could not cry as she read the paper.

Speaking of communication, mine with my human seemed to improve daily. This Fake Girlfriend scheme had added benefits like uninterrupted chess games at lunch. Having just won a game, my stomach clenched when I extended my senses hearing Charlie Swan's voice. He called Father and thanked him profusely for caring for his daughter and his house. With few words he arranged for my singer to be ripped from my side.

I hated driving her back to her newly repaired house when my Parents informed me her Father had requested she return. Her stiff back and crossed arms told me she desired to remain by my side. She had remained at our house after school until the last possible moment. Before she had exited the house, Mother had hugged her, "Bella, we love having you here, please come to dinner tomorrow night and if you want you can bring your Father."

"Thank you for taking such good care of me Mrs. Cullen. And I'll ask Dad."

Mary Alice said to Mother, "I had Bella leave some of her clothes here. So we'll have an excuse to show up at her place tomorrow," she winked at my singer.

Rosalie promised, "We'll have you spend the night this Friday and you can stay the weekend, ok?" Bella nodded with a smile, and turned to walk to my car.

I considered proposing the entire drive to her house, but my lips wouldn't cooperate and it was difficult to drive with my hands shaking the way they were. And Starched Shirt Edward kept shrieking that I had to watch the road or I'd crash the car and our dear little one was too fragile to survive my inattention at the wheel.

Done with his daily debate with Paula over the phone, a freshly showered Chief Swan waited for us in the driveway. He had even combed his hair and polished his shoes by the look of it. By all appearances he acted like a man before a spiteful firing squad. I wouldn't have minded being that firing squad, truth be told. But killing my human's father would probably upset her. Maybe. Reading his thoughts indicated he worried more about his situation with the mysterious Ms. Black than for his own daughter, who he thought always forgave everyone for everything.

I jumped out of the car and opened her door for her offering my hand so she could alight from the vehicle. She took it with a shaking hand, and for some strange reason I found myself giving her a slight squeeze. I kept her fingers laced with mine as I used the other hand to carry her suitcase. My singer nodded at her father and walked into the house without a word. With a soft, "Thank you. I'll be right back." She disappeared into the bathroom. Placing her suitcase on the floor, I shook her father's hand, and offered a polite verbal greeting, "Hello Chief Swan," Calling him a fornicating dirtbag would have been rude, but I thought it. A lot.

Mentally I scolded him. I followed her up the stairs and placed the suitcase on her bed. A gift bag sat on it with a tag bearing her name. My singer emerged from the bathroom, and walked into the room. Staring at the bed she said, "What is that?"

"Honestly, I have no idea." I answered. It smelled of paper so couldn't be anything too dangerous.

She reached inside and emerged holding two volumes of cookbooks sold by the Junior League of Denver.

"Who gave you books?"

"Paula Black." She sounded as mystified as I. "Look," she held out the note.

'I thought since you are such an excellent cook that you could put these to good use. I hope you feel better soon and sleep the sleep of the angels.'

"Do you know Miss Black?"

"She's spoken to me at gatherings a few times to say hello. I don't know why she would bother."

"Why write 'Sleep the sleep of the angels' then?" I managed to say that without offending anyone. Talking made me nervous at present. I clenched my fists to concentrate on playing confident. Now what was that I was supposed to do?

"It's something my family used to say to me at night before I went to sleep."

"What?" I'd lost track of the conversation staring at her lips.

Jugurtha smacked me on the shoulders and said, "Focus, her feelings are hurt. Lust after her later." Right. Good man. With renewed fortitude I concentrated on her hair instead. Not licking it.

"The phrase about sleeping the sleep of the angels. Grandfather Jericho used to say it to me every night."

"Does _she_ know that?"

"I don't think so. Not unless Dad told her. I can't think why he would, anyway."

We heard Charlie pacing downstairs and his thoughts wondered what his daughter was doing up in her room with the door wide open where any parent could wander in and find out for himself. My feet didn't want to move from the floor. Staring at the new carpet, I thought of all that had happened in this room the last time we were both in it with that agony of a vision of Jasper's. Thank God she had not been scarred by that. Or last night. I stared at the medallion as it gleamed around her neck smirking at me. At her father's call, we descended the staircase. I held her hand so she wouldn't fall, of course.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning, Bella. What time do you want me to be here?"

"Why aren't you driving yourself? Your car works just fine." Charlie barked without thinking first and regretted the words the second they left his lips with a visible wince. He thought they had imposed on the Cullens far more than they should, guiltily. But mentally he flinched at the tone he had used. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. 'Fifteen years too late for that, moron,' I mentally sniffed.

"Bella is on pain medication and can't drive for a month." I answered for her.

"Says who?" Charlie's mind skipped the pain medication part and indicated he did not like me talking on his daughter's behalf as she had perfect speaking ability when she elected to use it. But he didn't want to have to drop his daughter off at school at 6 so he could make it to work on time, she needed her rest. He considered calling Sue. He was a marvel of selective perception, that one.

"My Father insisted, I'm afraid, for medical reasons. Would you like me to call him? He's arranged for us to take her to and from school for the rest of the semester. Since we're friends we're happy to do so." That raised in his mind the whole "forgot to tell her she had a serious brain injury issue" and he backed down.

"No, that's fine. And please give him and your mother my thanks. That's very kind of you to do for Bella." He waved me away and fled the room. To his credit, he had sent flowers to Mother an hour ago to thank her for caring for his daughter.

"What time can you be here?" She whispered.

"As early as you need me to be."

"Will 6:45 be possible?" She wanted to leave the house as early as possible and I wanted to spend every second I could with her. I loved it when we had mutual goals. Struggling to keep from rubbing my hands together in glee, I smoldered my eyes at her and breathed on her three times in celebration. "Definitely." I wielded my most charming smile.

Charlie astonished me by picking up his phone and actually speaking to his child, "I'll take care of cooking since you've been sick, Bells. How about I order your favorite from Frank's Diner? Edward would you care to join us?" He actually looked desperate. Of course I had to agree. It was only right. I'd vomit later in the privacy of my favorite corner of the woods.

Not a word passed during dinner. I could have spoken, maybe, but the tension in the room made it hard to swallow. And the thought of leaving the room and her side upset my digestion, anyway. Mentally Charlie reminded himself to remember to bring the novelty t-shirt he'd bought for Jake at the souvenir shop when he went to La Push the next day. It amazed him to see the kid's face light up when he gave him one, so it had become a habit. Of course, his thoughts made no mention of a gift for his daughter. And, oh yeah, he was going to have to talk to Jake about Bells. Teenage boys and their overactive hormones. He's set the kid straight tomorrow. Nobody was laying a hand on his baby girl.

Father requested my presence back at the house by text on my new cell phone, as I had drowned the other one on the day of my venom leakage research by swimming home. Regretfully, I took my leave of the silent Swans and drove home. Irritated, I had to force myself to keep the car driving in the direction of our house. I kept debating with myself whether or not I should turn the car around, snatch her over my shoulder, and leave for parts unknown. And I may have actually turned my vehicle towards her house a time or eight. Forks' streets were complex and I had decided to take the scenic route. Besides, I told myself she was not well enough to go to parts unknown, sadly. I yelped when I rounded a bend and found Rosalie standing by the side of the road. She took the passenger seat when I stopped. She patted my hand and I put the car back into gear. We drove home without a word.

We found the family scattered around the study. Already I missed my singer. The house seemed somehow emptier without her heartbeat in it. Traces of her scent lingered taunting me. Father said, "We should go and visit with Ms. Black after what we've learned about Seth. We can do so out of the concern for Jacob's welfare. I've been asking around at the hospital and she is basically his mother."

Once the sun had set, we ran to her residence. I approached the back of her home that fortunately was not on Quileute territory. Since I had raided her email account by computer I had seen no need to visit personally, but Father did have a point. And we didn't need to fear a single mortal woman. And I could hear her pacing in her living room worrying about her relationship with Charlie. She seemed to hold some affection for him. Why she showed such horrid taste in men was beyond me but as I approached I wondered how this could be possible. We stepped into her living room. Father said, "I believe we are long overdue for a talk, Miss Black. My name is Carlisle Cullen." I held onto my composure and stopped breathing as I met the steely eyes of the lone Quileute wolf, shocked at the absence of any stench. She growled and sprang a familiar green light in her eyes as she started to phase aiming for Father's throat.

* * *

**AN: Let's see, Edward and Bella became awfully cozy and spoiled after sleeping together for all those nights, for comforting purposes of course. Edward has been dreaming of his human Mother and her attempts to help him court women. He's been visiting with Hezekiah and now has a committee of famous historical figures to help him with his mystery. Hezekiah's wife has suggested a dating plan for Edward that he thinks might work. The family raided Bella's safety deposit box, the one she had promised not to open until a certain unnamed date only to find letters addressed to Edward from Liam and a drawing of an old powerful immortal that scared the daylights out of Carlisle. Digging up Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho's corpses proved that Edward's dream of how they died was in fact the truth. Opening the coffins offered more interesting clues of a cross, a necklace, a Bible, and a large safe filled with a ledger from Billy's garbage company, a book addressed to Bella and a sealed letter with her name on it. Carlisle had them placed back in the safe deposit box unread accompanying the book as instructed. Genevieve had her wicked way with Jasper. Again. So I suspect that letter will remain in its box. And poor Edward had to take his human home to her befuddled Father. Oh, yeah, and Paula's a wolf that doesn't smell. Who knew? **

**Dream Edward is feeling neglected. He'd like to hear from you. Please review.**

**Here's a teaser for the next chapter where Edward gets some motivation to make the Fake Romance Real:**

"**What is it Mary Alice?" I said at vampire speed. She was blocking her mind. I hoped my human was well. Did she have a vision?**

"**Tyler is going to ask her out today."**

"**Yes, I heard him plan it."**

"**You should ensure that she is never in a motor vehicle operated by him."**

"**He does not have foul thoughts about her?" I queried.**

**Then she showed me the contents of her mind. I froze in place. **


	28. HOD pt 17 When the Fur Flies

**Heart of Darkness – Part Seventeen – When the Fur Flies **

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Jericho, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**I have pictures on my profile that you might find interesting of places in this chapter (as well as some others). I like using pictures when I write.  
**

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta. **

**Thanks for Fantasy Mother for looking at an earlier version of this chapter and inspiring me to make it better.  
**

**This chapter goes out to TyreeThomas and Saridee - in honor of all things from Louisiana, to Myheart for kind words about my writing, to Ksangi for motivating me with Dorothy Parker, and to Cullen Concession - plenty of B&E time in this chapter. Swear. To all of those of you who have put me on your favorites or story alerts - thanks so much. When I wrote this chapter it ended up being over 100 pages. I decided to split it up, so I will be posting at least one other chapter in the next few days. If you have this on your favorites or story alert depending on the site you use then you'll get the update sent to your email. **

**AN: Did you ever wonder how the wolves started phasing in the first place? I did. It might help for you to re-read the "Something Fetid this way Blows," chapter as a refresher. In this chapter the Cullens have decided to pay an unexpected social call on Charlie Swan's girlfriend, the alarmed Paula Black who is a wolf, much to their astonishment. A wolf, I might add, that doesn't smell like a wolf. We'll also see how Edward copes with not having quality pressed against the flesh time with his singer. But you already know the answer to that don't you?**

**

* * *

  
**

I couldn't have her kill Father. That was unacceptable and I reacted without thought. Snarling, my hand reached out and the tremendous grey beast she now embodied slammed against an invisible fortification, which smarted, come to think of it as my head pounded. It felt like she had hit against me rather than the green light I had thrown before her. Unfortunately it also surprised my Father and siblings who had leapt forward to halt her attack and all crashed into the same shimmering green barrier as well. I ignored that Jasper slid down the shield looking as if he'd run face first into an unbreakable glass door. Emmett, too, for that matter. Rosalie had escaped their fate although she prowled around to Paula's blind side. Father currently held his sore nose.

"Jesus, Edward," Emmett yelped rubbing his forehead. By the power of Hezekiah's forefathers, I had managed to make an enclosure that kept the indignant twelve foot tall howling dog in one part of the room and us in the other, although I have no idea how, by Jove. She lashed out with a paw and shattered a leather recliner into fragments.

Jugurtha said, "She appears to be in wolf form more muscular than Larry Uley had been, Ephraim as well. Considering she was so tiny in person this is strange. All the other wolves had experienced growth spurts prior to phasing." On that note, Paula yowled another keening cry and leapt over the corpse of the chair and crashed into the rampart. She acted enraged like a newborn vampire with someone holding human blood just out of reach.

"Would you please cease that infernal racket? It would be awkward explaining your presence to the police should the neighbors decide to complain. And we would so stay here to hand you over to them in a heartbeat, seeing as you violated the treaty two minutes ago," Rosalie rather correctly pointed out. This gave Paula a second's hesitation and made her redouble her attempts although she was blessedly quiet about trying to slaughter us all. Her thoughts did not contain much logic, rather blind rage. She turned her attention to the coffee table and crushed it with a flick of her claw as if to say that could have been Rosalie's head.

My sister was right, this was becoming tiresome. Head throbbing, I reached for the tribal knowledge scrambled in my mind and attempted to retrieve a memory, any memory that made sense. It would be ever so nice if she were in her human form so we could actually have a civilized conversation; I sniffed, as she lunged against the wall of energy and bit off an incipient howl of rage. Women. Unpredictable every last one of them. I found myself ranting in Quileute something about manners and hospitality and possibly honoring the spirits of the shaman forefathers. I might have added in that I knew more about her culture than she along the way because she really started leaping around at that point. I refrained from questioning her parentage because that would have been rude. I couldn't help but think that Ephraim's gene pool had not done well being combined with Lee's stark raving mad side. I sensed the powers at play as some force came hurtling from my brain and latched onto Paula.

Suddenly, Miss Black went, quite unwillingly, might I add, from a growling twelve foot tall slobbering beast to a five foot two pile of shaking, 'oh my stars she's stark naked' pile on the ground surrounded by scraps of cloth, wood, and leather. The males in the room performed an about face in tandem except for Father who dealt with shivering stark naked very-well-persevered-for-their-mortal-age people on a regular basis. My singer had better looking legs. Scratch that. My singer was better looking in _every_ category. Paula Black was not unattractive, chivalry dictated I note. And she had nice toes. But still.

Jugurtha tapped me on the shoulder, "Pardon me."

"I'm a bit busy at present my good man."

"You're a doctor. Twice. Professional."

"Yes, but modesty dictates I leave her dignity," I huffed.

Starched Shirt Edward joined the fray eyes glued to the heavens the entire time, face beet red. He stopped whistling the hymn, "Immaculate Mary," long enough to say, "He's right. Forget dignity just this once. She tried to rip asunder our vampire Father's throat and violated the treaty. You need to turn around." They were agreeing; this could not be good. He kept whistling, the world's most prudish Beelzebub incarnation, while goading me to cast eyes upon a naked not-quite-human female. How I made it through medical school with him yammering in the background I had no idea. Let's face it, Job in the Bible, got off easy. He didn't have Starched Shirt Edward.

"You are the one controlling the force field and you have to sense any threats, in this case that threat being her, to protect your family. And we don't know if that is dependent on you concentrating or staring at her and can't take the risk, otherwise. Turn around and gaze at her now and maintain contact with her eyes. You can be a gentleman while defending your living family," Jugurtha barked, and yes sir, indeed, I followed his exceptionally insightful suggestion. It didn't take long for my eyes to conclude that my initial impression had been correct. My singer was better in every regard. And I stared Paula in the eyes thinking that the entire time.

The green light from phasing that haloed her form faded although her irises stayed alight for a few seconds afterwards. We made an awkward pair staring at each other with dueling flames. Mine, of course, were bigger, might I add. Brighter, too. And I had more endurance. But still.

Reaching to my left, I tossed her the afghan from her sofa. I had to hand it to her; unlike her nephew, Paula Black did not behave like a coward. She held her ground rising from the floor and standing with the afghan around her shoulders. Shifting to her right, she tried to move and realized she had nowhere to go due to the green stuff floating around her, my lips twitched at the irony. I had to defend the family and show Hezekiah I'd learned something which meant I couldn't kill the only wolf the Quileute had. Unfortunately. Nor could I permit my family to take her life, even if she had appalling manners toward innocent supernatural enemies that dropped by unexpectedly and broke treaties.

Despite the fact that she'd attempted to rip out his throat seconds ago, Father benignly suggested, "Rosalie, please collect clothing for Miss Black, politely." That last word stopped the defensive crouching and hissing part. Rosalie actually was kind of scary in a fight. No hair pulling from that one.

My sister did not need to be asked twice. At vampire speed, she darted to Paula's bedroom after a quick search of the house to fetch her clean clothes. Typical Rosalie, she brought something that appeared to match. Shoes, too. With an inner shake of my head, I wondered why my sibling didn't bring her a flat iron instrument of torture, cosmetics, or accessorized jewelry while she was at it. Jasper beamed fear at Paula when I handed her the clothing through the barrier to ensure she didn't try any sudden moves. My brothers kept their backs turned while Paula changed mystified at my sister's help. I could hear her thoughts.

"_Dammit, I'm standing her naked in front of these leeches. I get why the head one is still looking at me naked as a jaybird since he pretends to be a doctor, but the punk there with the glowing eyes? Wasn't he raised with manners? And when did their eyes start glowing like ours? He looks like he's sucking on a sourball jawbreaker. And someone needs to teach him how to comb his hair." _Oh fine, it's perfectly acceptable to lurch and attempt to tear the throat out of unsuspecting unannounced supernatural enemy guests and she's quibbling about my musical taste with disdain? I did not listen to punk rock. And I did not like her tone. She sounded like she thought I behaved inappropriately. And Father had most definitely been to medical school. In the 1800's, but seriously. He was a physician. I had to help her see the error of her ways. Perhaps she was slow like Jacob.

"Pardon me and Carlisle for not turning around. He and I are both physicians, Miss Black."

"You, a doctor? You don't look old enough to drive."

Emmett said, "True, but that's the thing about being turned to a vampire when young, you don't age. Most humans aren't smart enough to realize how old we really are." That made her sit back and think. At her silence I continued.

"As you can see I have Quileute powers. They were gifted to me by Hezekiah Stone." That got her attention.

"_Damn. Can he read my mind? And who the hell is Hezekiah Stone? I don't know of anyone in the tribe with that name."_ I decided to let her wonder. We'd learn more that way.

Father thought to me, _"I'll handle this, son. Thank you for the save. Can you control her?"  
_

I sent him a glance that said, "I'm not sure but I'm definitely going to try." My family's thought indicated they had received the message.

"What do you want?" Paula Black snarled as she finished buttoning her blouse. We could hear her growl at vampire pitch. She was ignoring the part about Hezekiah because she had only remembered it was a name of a dead man but not much more. Not one for tribal history, that one. Perhaps that explained her romance with Charlie.

"I apologize for the unannounced visit. Recent events have caused us to reach out to you. We came to talk about your son," Father said in his most professional tone.

"Jacob?" She genuinely thought of him in that capacity, which made me feel not so sorry for Seth if she claimed ownership to that moron. Images from the hospital tape flashed in her thoughts, followed by blissful new ones as well. I snatched from her mind that Paula had chewed my second least favorite Quileute sulker a new body part, metaphorically speaking, alas.

In a withering tone, she remonstrated about his lack of manners towards both me and my singer and for creating a public scene and misusing the tribe's name in the process. Included in her lecture was an incisive refresher course on the terms of the treaty and an excellent analysis of how Jacob had forced my hand into claiming my singer as family. He kicked a shoe on the ground for a while until she grabbed him by the chin and forced him to meet her stare. I saw Jacob in Paula's mind composing a letter on his computer of apology, one that doubtlessly waited for her at her house. I'd have to remember to collect that and throw it away. She didn't need to be bothered by that nitwit. Paula concluded the oration by reminding him that he owed Charlie better treatment of his daughter, and that appeared to strike home. I liked this woman even more, aside from that nearly killing my Father bit. She was a brand new wolf with a hair-trigger temper. I could excuse her just this once. Maybe. Father's voice called me from the treasure chest of memories racing like a speed car around her frightened mind.

"Yes, we are here in part to discuss Jacob, but the other one as well: Seth." Her expression carefully remained blank but her mind screamed in panic and we smelled the adrenaline as it entered her bloodstream. Jasper picked up on it as well, _"Edward I can sense she's clearly very afraid and doing an excellent job of controlling herself for a new wolf."_ Jasper had never encountered beasts of her kind, although his mind had run into the European variety a time or two during the Southern Wars. From his mind, they had been virtually indestructible and highly irritable. He found Paula in comparison to be quite tame.

Acting regal in a bored tone she said, "What about Seth Clearwater and how did he come into this conversation?" I could see why she was a successful attorney. She did not show her emotions in a way that ordinary humans could detect. Too bad she faced us. And she acted like I hadn't encased her within a barrier, or that she hadn't demolished part of her living room set.

"Does Billy know about Seth?" Father asked gently.

"Billy was raised to loathe the Clearwaters from birth. What would he need or care to know about that child?" She tried to divert our attention. And she from her thoughts was dead-on accurate about her brother. It was curious how she had escaped that same fate.

"Because he's your biological son with Charles Swann and you've clearly been protecting him all these years from your imbecile of a brother." Carlisle said with uncharacteristic sarcasm. She blanched and started to shake as her mind realized the ruse had been discovered by the cold ones.

Her shoulders sagged and her face crumpled. "How did you?" she appeared frightened and stepped towards us. Then that unpredictable wolf temper kicked in and she started shaking from head to toe, glimmering. We backed away as green started to flash around her.

"Jasper?" He looked at my brother and gave him full permission to use his power to keep her serene. "My family and I mean Seth no harm, Miss Black and we will do all we can to protect him. Her thoughts indicated she believed this to be a ploy and her temper soared.

She started to phase in earnest and again, holding my hand out green light shone from it and somehow I stopped the process. It was more difficult this time, though, and I genuinely didn't know if I could succeed a third time despite having made the barrier around her thicker. The pounding in my head made focusing difficult. Jasper stepped in to use his gift to keep her rage under control.

Rosalie sighed, "This is getting tiresome and I have better things to do with my time. Even if you did phase and could get past the shield we have in place, there's no way you could fight all of us. You're a brand new wolf, and if we wanted you dead, lady, you would be. Cut it out. The sooner you start listening, the sooner we'll be on our way and leave you in peace."

Paula sank into her couch and we stayed on the other side of the room. We seemed to overwhelm her considerably more with our scent, which we all found amusing. I had never realized they made dogs in unscented. This was so unfair. Instead I had to sit around Hezekiah in visions for eternity struggling not to vomit. The world was most definitely not overrun with justice. Father's voice called me back to the present. Jugurtha smiting me across the back of the head encouraged me to be duly motivated.

"Like my daughter said, we mean you no harm." Father reaffirmed Rosalie's words in a firm voice.

"Indeed, are you after my blood?" Ever the attorney, she kept searching for loopholes.

"Ma'am I don't mean to offend you, but you're blood doesn't smell appetizing in any way probably due to that whole vampire-werewolf thing. So you're safe from us on that front. Don't we stink to high heaven to you?" Typical Emmett with his typical forthright manner.

Paula tilted her head, eyes watering. "You smell terrible, I'm not sorry to say."

"Well, imagine what your blood would taste like to us." He left out that whole 'wow you don't stink so we would never see you coming' Miss Stealth Wolf Black part.

"And what have you been doing with Bella." Her thoughts were scattered from panic.

"You had all that time in Denver…." I kept my tone mild.

"I care about her. I've known her since she was little. She's a sweet girl." She dodged the Denver issue thinking to herself that she hated having to do it but Genevieve had told her about this time and that she had to keep Charlie away. My mind gawped at her. That demented woman pestered someone else as well? Oh, holy bilge water, we definitely had much to discuss.

"She's a sweet girl who will not be marrying your nephew." I clarified.

"So I heard," she coolly replied. Memories of her argument with her brother flashed through her mind. He had been apoplectic with rage screeching over the phone as she refused to continue carrying out his orders. She had simply hung up on him as he screamed vulgar language. I noticed her hands shook in the memory.

"We will honor the treaty in all things." I said. My relationship with my human was no longer her business. Diplomacy said so.

"By declaring her a member of your family you can still turn her into one of you and follow the treaty just fine."

"True." It would be awkward telling Paula; much less the family, I had no intention of ever changing my singer. Besides, that was not Paula's business. And this talking business was becoming harder to do while keeping the shield in place.

"Why did you not tell Chief Swan you were pregnant?" Carlisle changed the subject.

She pursed her lips intending on saying nothing.

Jasper and I both read her digging her heels into the ground expression. He offered her a pitying glance, "By treaty rights we could kill you right now and be in the moral high ground. We know you haven't told anyone else that you're a wolf and we could easily hide your body where no human would ever find it. We will agree to keep your secret about your son Seth, as well as this little treaty violation, and will fight to protect his life provided you are forthcoming with us. And Miss Black, we can read your mind. If you lie, we'll know. And that would be unfortunate. We sincerely don't want to kill you. But we will if we have to." I loved that he stipulated only Seth was under our protection. Paula noted the distinction as well.

Overwhelmed by his gift, she trembled. He eased upon the fear factor after a sharp glance from Father.

"So how did Genevieve persuade you?" Rosalie asked gently. "We've found her to be rather difficult lately."

Jasper did the vampire equivalent of blanching for a moment before adopting his battle ready 'I've interrogated and dispatched more supernatural beings than you can possibly imagine' expression that actually was quite impressive.

Perhaps the combined powers Jasper and I continued to use on her caused it, but words erupted from her in an emotional torrent as she addressed them to Rosalie, "She said I had to hide Seth in plain sight or he would be in danger. I had to pretend to join a missionary group, hide in Canada and give birth without anyone knowing. I gave him to Genevieve the day he was born. I gave him," she never referred to him as her child, "To another woman I barely knew because Genevieve told me it was the only way he would survive, and I stayed away for two years."

"I always wanted children. I am so sorry this happened." Rosalie sounded forlorn. "You made a heroic choice that I don't know I would have been strong enough to do had our positions been changed." I wasn't used to Rosalie being nice to anyone, frankly. We all stared at her along with Paula. "What else did you do to support the missionary story?"

"I stayed away for two years. As you can see with Bella, Charlie is not exactly the world's most involved father. Seth is better off with Harry and Sue. I've always regretted it, but if I had to do it again I would." Tears rolled down her face as she thought of how she had failed with Jacob and had hope for Seth that somehow he'd escape the curse of his parentage. I genuinely felt compassion for her. And for a moment I might have directed a bit toward Genevieve as well at the idea of her having to pretend that Seth was not her own flesh and blood and simply a friend of my singer.

"I cannot even imagine…" Carlisle started. I didn't realize until then how much Paula and I had in common. She'd lived watching her son grow up knowing that showing who she really was would hurt him and staying silent. I was a much more selfish bastard. I couldn't stay away like she did.

"Why are you here?" she asked again, wiping tears with her left sleeve.

"May we sit?" Father had the good manners to ask.

"Sure. It's a free country," she remembered enough manners to pretend she had the choice. "I think I have some furniture left."

Father patiently told her the story of our history with her tribe. She knew about the trust fund and had researched the company. The fact he knew all the essential details of the trust and where she had squirreled the money away convinced her of the truth: that and my glowing green eyes and limbs business.

Once she seemed to accept the veracity of our claims I changed the subject, "Genevieve has been communicating with us regularly. Has she done the same with you?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"In my dreams." She answered that as if I should know it already. And her memories backed up her words. She had a vision of Genevieve talking over tea but I could not make out the words. Neither could Paula, for that matter, so she was just as irritating to the wolf as she was to the vampire in her communication, I smirked.

"I see. Do any others try to reach you that way?" I wondered if Hezekiah had paid a visit or two.

"No, only Genevieve and occasionally Liam." She thought of them fondly. Clearly Genevieve played favorites. Sourly, the thought flashed through my frame and flitted away before I could take it back. She would most definitely make me pay for that comment at a later date with interest no doubt.

"Now that your family has been put on probation, will your brother obey?"

"Of course not. He'll try to find a way to continue his plan through Jacob." Her shoulders slumped.

"Are you averse to our having a chat with him to illustrate to him the error of his ways? We promise that Jacob will not be present. It seems your brother has had an unusual streak of luck with people conveniently dying around him. We'd like to encourage that to stop." Jasper sounded confident and composed. She felt hope that her years of worry could come to an end.

"I would have absolutely no problem with that. It's time my brother and I had a chat of our own. I plan on putting the fear of God into him. I've held off all this time because I was afraid I'd kill him."

"May I make a suggestion?" He continued.

"You may."

"Because you are a young wolf holding onto your temper will be difficult in such an emotional conversation. I can keep you from phasing if you like but my ability to do so is dependent upon me standing close to you. My family and I would be happy to accompany you. We all could talk with him at once." She liked that idea, but worried about trusting us, but remembered Rosalie's words. We could have killed Billy a 1,000 times over. She should worry, I thought, as I had penciled in killing her brother in my calendar. Reluctantly, I said to Jugurtha, "We'll have to bump back eliminating Billy Black. It would be good to see what the siblings have to say to one another, out of morbid curiosity alone."

"Excellent," he drew a line through the schedule entry and flipped through pages, "why not four days from now? You have a biology test you have to pretend to study for with your human and it would make an ideal alibi. Studying with the police chief's daughter, if you time it right, is brilliant."

"Jot it down. Four days it is. Remind me of the other things we need to do after this conversation."

Paula seemed lost in thought, hesitating over what to do.

Father prodded, "Miss Black, remember our story about Lee. If you phase, you could harm not only him but possibly Jacob or another tribe member like Seth."

Now we had her undivided attention. "What do you have in mind?" We talked into the night. I left feeling like another check mark had been made on our list of things in my singer's life that needed to be managed by me. Paula sincerely liked our dear little one and given the lengths she went to in battling her brother, I thought she'd make an excellent ally in keeping Jacob from pestering my Fake Girlfriend. Currently my dear little one was being guarded my Mother and Mary Alice.

It bothered me to no end that I had not detected the presence of a wolf. Paula's mind was definitely unusual. If I compared her mental voice to that of other humans, hers came in at a whisper among shouted ideas from everyone else. It was, therefore, not surprising that I hadn't heard her phase, I hadn't realized I had to listen to that extent. I wondered if I'd be able to do it so well without the recent additional powers. Because surely I would have heard her phasing if not aurally then with my mind? I had kept my nose attuned for the odor all this time which explains why I never noticed on that front at least.

Seeing my face Father said, "Edward, you never smelled her and neither did we. All of us were blinded by this. You're not alone."

"I should have at least known something as we walked up to the house."

"Not if she wasn't thinking about being a wolf, and I'm guessing by your behavior that she had not as you looked as surprised as we did."

"True." I grumbled. I hated not knowing things. And that seemed to become the new normal in my life. "It's my understanding from Hezekiah that the odor grows stronger each time you phase."

"I would be willing to bet that was probably the second or third time she'd ever phased. You did a wonderful job in there protecting us. I'm very proud of you." Father's eyes were so happy I had to gaze at the trees behind him.

After our meeting with Paula concluded I called Harry Clearwater. Respectfully, I said, "I promised Hezekiah that I would see him buried by his wife. He asked for a special kind of cloth made by your tribe to hold his remains."

"That's fine. When do you want to do it?"

"How soon can you obtain the cloth?"

"I have some here at the house." He didn't say that it had been waiting for the death of his father. He didn't have to say that since he had disowned his father there would be no tribal burial for Gregory Clearwater on their land. He'd rot somewhere else. Pity. Not.

"How about ten o'clock Wednesday night at his cave?" It was Friday he should be able to accomplish that much given that time frame.

"That would be fine; I think I can gather the other elders."

"I also wanted to discuss your shaman."

"You weren't kidding about that part, were you?" He sounded hopeful. He did not like the idea of me having all those powers and he certainly didn't like the idea of a vampire making a decision of that nature.

"Unfortunately, Hezekiah has been pestering me for quite some time. I thought we'd discuss it on that night if that worked with your schedule."

"We'll be there." He didn't think I had anything to say on the matter that he wanted to hear. Nevertheless, he agreed to show up for Hezekiah's sake alone. After listening in on the minds of the tribe for the past week and with every intention of snooping ruthlessly until Wednesday, I gave myself a deadline to make the darn decision.

Now, I had to do what I had been dreading all this time. Watch over my singer from afar. Emmett accompanied me. Father had said to me as I had left for the night, "Son, it would be better considering what we have learned if there are more than one of us around her at all times. I had easily proven to him over the past week or so that I could be trusted not to kill her, much less seduce her, a feat I was quite proud of the not killing rather than the not seducing part, might I add. And I had no problem with more of my family being close by. It guaranteed she'd still have a pulse. More singer time for me. That and she was growing on me. Perchance.

We skipped up the gigantic Sitka Spruce that made it so easy to climb into her window and entered with nary a problem. Emmett stayed with me long enough to ensure the house free of any other unscented supernatural foes before he left for a nearby tree. I made a note to myself to have Charlie evaluated for sleep apnea. We couldn't have his snoring disturbing my ears any more.

Rosalie would be here soon and she and her mate planned on playing cards while they guarded us. I heard my human shift and stole a glance at the bed. To my delight I found she had been reading the book I had purchased for her on chess strategies. Perhaps that explained her 10% increase in defeating me at play. I smiled at the 'Thank You' card Mary Alice had bought her for giving her a birthday certificate for chess. My singer must not have been given cards often. She posted it above her desk where she could look at it. I heard her toss and glanced at her. Turning to Jugurtha I said, "She has boxes of letters from her family. Schedule time tomorrow night for us to rifle through them before returning them to her possession. We should probably scan them all and save them to a flash drive or two." The whole family could read them then and more brains meant more solutions. Rustling, her sheets moving called my attention from my battle plan.

From where I observed, she did not behave like she did when she rested well. My singer usually fell asleep on her left side and then rolled to her back twenty-seven minutes later if not in my arms. I watched in consternation as she said, "No," and twisted abruptly to her left to the very edge of the bed, flinging her right arm over as she rolled onto her stomach. Like a forgotten Christmas ornament left on an empty tree, it dangled out from the covers. The only time she ever slept on her stomach was if I was underneath. She needed me. She could fall. I thanked God I listed to Mary Alice and didn't put in the bedrail. I was much better than a flimsy metal bedrail. And there was no way she'd ever trip over me. Accidentally, that is.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Crawling in the bed without her consent would be un-chivalrous. Prudence dictates we sit on the floor and hold her hand." The fact he wasn't shrieking like a banshee let me know how much she affected him. Fortunately, I was not so blind. I knew why we were here as I inhaled sitting on the carpet with my back to the bed. As if moved by Lady Fate, my dear little one tried to become comfortable and shifted around for a few moments. In the process, her right arm flopped over my shoulder and thunked against my chest. On that note, my heart started with a jerk and as if yanked by a savage undertow I knew no more.

I had that blasted dream again with her terrorized scurrying through the forest like Little Red Riding Hood being chased by hoards of starving rabid wolves. This time she tripped and fell when at the base of Marymere falls and had a difficult time getting into the water. I could also see her lips turn blue from the cold of the pool. Then the dream shifted to her wheezing staring in fright over her shoulder as she ran over a different bridge. I loathed the way it made my heart race and my chest hurt. And Starched Shirt Edward detested it, too. Jugurtha threw up his hands impatiently and complained, "You both are being ninnies. We keep having the dream because it represents something we have failed to understand. We should discuss it more to uncover the symbolism of this particular hunt."

I told him, "Fine, we need to take out the damn creaky-looking wooden bridge I keep seeing her stumble over, a metaphor for her relationship with her parents if ever there was one. If there's no bridge the dream will stop and I can get decent sleep." I have to be fully rested in order to appreciate quality singer time. And Dream Fleeing Doe-in-the-Headlights Singer was irritating me. It struck me as not quite right that I didn't want to wake up and kept trying to chase after her each time the nightmare occurred. Clearly, she was helpless and attempting to aid the phantom of my imagination, a waste of my time. She was the Dream version of Echo in communication terms, useless. And I felt worse every time I glimpsed Dream Fleeing Doe-in-the-Headlights Singer's pale haunted face. Regardless, I continued to pursue her as if Mercury's shoes were strapped to my vision feet.

"Psst Edward," a hand shook my shoulder.

"Go away," I cuddled against her arm. That'll show Dream Fleeing Doe-in-the-Headlights Singer. I can be useful and guard our precious time together.

"Dude, she's going to wake up soon. Up see Daisy."

I opened my eyes and realized where I was, sitting on the floor of her bedroom with my back to her bed, clutching her arm to my right cheekbone.

Emmett's face gave a half-smile when he saw the momentary confusion replaced by panic on my visage as I sniffed the air, "Relax, you didn't hold her hard enough to bruise. Rosalie and I would have hit you if you had. Rose took off to get ready for school and wanted me to tell you that Bella's fine. We need to go now."

"Oh." I decided to act as if this was perfectly normal but kept hanging onto her arm. Emmett gently extricated me from her, lifted me by the neck from the floor and 'helped' by tossing me out the bedroom window into the Sitka spruce tree. Flying through the air toward the tree indeed helped me reach full consciousness possibly due to that whole trying not to break the limbs and call unnecessary attention to myself as her father stood on the front lawn reaching for the morning newspaper. Emmett, the very soul of consideration, carefully closed her window on his way out. Grabbing me by the neck, he dragged me down the tree and into the woods when Chief Swan went inside. My legs were hurting and I could feel my heart slow. I stopped. Emmett had hoped we'd reach the house before it happened and his thoughts indicated he was trying to stay calm and debating carrying me, "Buddy?"

"I need a moment, please," I sank to the ground in a clearing covered with avalanche lilies that danced along the green of the grass swaying in the morning breeze. Staring at the thin stem of the white petaled flower with the goldenrod center reminded me of the delicacy of my singer. With each gust the stalks caused the blooms to waver in the wind, yet despite the force, they still stood proud in the sun's embrace. Somehow in the middle of the night, my human must have pushed her face against the back of my shoulders. I could smell a precious patch of drying drool. And her scent was all over me. She must have touched my hair and cheeks. Either that or I rubbed mine all over her – which struck me as not having a snowball's chance in hell of occurring under the watchful eagle-eye of Rosalie. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sat in silence eyes wide shut knowing I could not let my pain show to Emmett, practicing a serene lie with my facial muscles.

Using my pet, I saw his uncertain face as he moved and lumbered over and sat with his back to mine. We both waited as the beats slowed. Both hands fisted into my shirt at my waist and I didn't care if Emmett teased me about inhaling her scent. I had to endure the next few minutes and I didn't know how I was going to accomplish that with dignity when the first volley of pain ripped through me. Initially, like being sliced with a scalpel, it took a second for the agony to register….From far away I heard and saw with my pet's mind myself gasping, still as a statue. I didn't know how I could withstand this without holding her as I had for the past few days. Jugurtha said, "Jasper's vision hurt more, we can deal with this. The first time it happened we sat with Father and then took some air. Piece of cake." He snapped his fingers.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "And our transition felt excruciating as well. God will grant us the fortitude to sustain our spirit."

Emmett kept his back to mine but with his right arm reached back to his left and patted my shoulder dragging my focus away from my inner Greek chorus. He didn't let go when my heart halted with a despondent thud and the real pain started. And even then he held on and he didn't say a word. This time, he cried, too.

I took in a breath that I actually needed, wiped furiously at my brimming eyes with my sleeve and sniffed. I'd barely avoided the shame of crying. A handkerchief appeared over my shoulder. Wordlessly I took it and heard Jugurtha chanting to me, "Stop now. Stop now. Stop now. Think of her walking and holding your hand. Think of her on the day in the parking lot when you lifted her into your arms…." For the first time in over seventy years, I had to blow my nose.

To distract me Emmett said, "Dude, we need to add that to our 'pretending to be human' routine. Can you show me that again?" I knew and he knew darn well I did, that we'd seen humans blowing their nose for decades, but he was giving me my pride and I played along.

"What does it feel like?"

I knew he wasn't crass enough to ask about my heartbeat. Vampires that we knew of never became physically ill like humans. "It kind of tickles. And then it's over. Nothing special. It doesn't feel all that different from how it feels as a vampire. I don't think we're missing out on anything there." I used a dismissive tone.

"Good to know. Let's do those stretches and go find some elk. I'm hungry." My savior brother offered me another thing to focus on and he carped a time or two about me needing to spend more time on my hamstrings before we ran off into the mist chasing each other through the trees. For his sake, I pretended it worked. I even let him throw a fresh elk at me, not caring that I hadn't killed it. As my teeth sank into its flesh I tried to block out what I really became when my heart ceased.

I counted the seconds until we saw her, mourning that it would be our first weekend apart. A curious sensation stole over me and I tripped across my tongue with a stammered, "Good morning," when she opened her door later that morning. She seemed to light up at the sight of me, or maybe it was my siblings who waved at her behind me as they sailed in with her clothes. I'd take it either way. It didn't seem fair for her to have that much influence on me.

"Fake Boyfriend, how wonderful it is to see you this morning. I can see you aren't awake yet." She teased in a low voice. Her father had left for the morning to "fish," and Leah Clearwater sat arms crossed in his leather chair watching a movie, irritated at the interruption. From her mind, I gathered Seth was camping with the Boy Scouts.

"I'm quite awake my Queen, I'm simply stunned at the beauty of your presence." I kept my volume to a level so Leah couldn't hear over the television.

Matching my voice, patting my arm she said, "Fake Boyfriend someone took our recent vacation to Ireland a bit too seriously."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm thinking you spent a wee bit too much time with that sneaky Blarney Stone considering the way you brandish that silver tongue of yours," she leaned forward and whispered as if telling a secret.

Just for that I breathed on her twice. She bobbled a bit, and I, of course, offered her my arm. It was only fair after all. She made me dizzy, too. I had managed to contrive the excuse to see her this morning of dropping my sisters off with my car. Now I had to turn around and go back to the house. Alone. Five minutes after I left I wanted to sprint back inside her room and find an empty corner and pretend I was invisible. I hated being that far from her. It made me almost feel like breaking Newton's legs all over again.

Saturday was desolate. I spent it pacing away from my family in the forest in one of my favorite places using my pet to watch as if I were in the room myself. My poor little bottle cap was cooped up being tortured by none other than Rosalie, Mary Alice and Leah Clearwater who tried mightily to converse but couldn't seem to get past the whole, "these girls are way too pretty and I feel ugly and gangly beside them and why can't they just let me be with my sister alone because I can't talk endlessly about my boyfriend in front of them," phase. She mentally grumbled that my singer let her talk about anything she wanted and was supportive. I quite agreed. Leah's pain was mine as I sat through hours of conversation about things I would have been interested in if I were there. But I wasn't. So I felt like a vampire phantom of the opera with overly feminine interests listening in from my perch atop a 200 foot tall tree. I quite agreed with Leah that history was much more fun than foreign language classes which despite learning 47 different languages, bored me to tears, almost. Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward and I could not come to an agreement on the perfect perfume for our human. Starched Shirt Edward thought wearing fragrance trampy, Jugurtha said it interfered with finger licking, and I didn'tcare what she selected as long as it stayed in the bottle and off her body.

On that note, Forks' perpetual rain began, making my day even more delightful. It washed her scent off of me. I guess that meant I'd have to return tonight. To console myself, I returned to the house, changed into dry clothing and went through the letters from her Grandparents and Great Uncle. With Mother's assistance, I scanned every one and backed up the files four times. I'd read them later. Once we were sure we had copies of every single one of the one thousand letters, I packed up the box to return it to her. Mother and I had worked in silence but she spoke to me as I placed the last letter in its envelope, "Edward, have you thought about the numbers?"

"Numbers of what Mother?"

"Of the letters?"

"Do you mean the dates?"

"Partially. We have 1,000 letters that started when she was six years of age and continued until the week before they died." She had written down the date of each postmark and tracked how many letters each one had written.

"I noticed that." I did not have any letters from my family in my trunk either in my room or upstairs.

"That means each one of them wrote her a letter a week, every week. And by human standards Liam wrote her long letters. You don't send a typical six-year old child four page letters. You send them bright cards with small words."

"Really?"

"I worked as a school teacher when we were in Rochester for a time and taught kindergarteners. To spend that amount of time on a six-year old child either meant she was smart enough to understand the words, worth the effort to make them if she was not, or smart enough to save them until she was. We need to sit down as a family and read these over the next few days. Let's start now."

So I spent the next two hours, keeping one ear out on my human and both eyes on letters from her family. Jericho had the messiest handwriting although he appeared to make an effort to make it legible considering the difference between his scrawl on the envelope address and the actual letter that he printed in large letters. He started out discussing the weather, after telling her about the amount of rainfall that Forks had received then moved to recounting a few interesting things he had noticed during the day. I doubt your typical six-year old cared about astronomy. Jericho seemed to think she should. Mother shaking her head caught my attention.

"What?" Surely her letter was more interesting. Why were humans always nattering about the weather?

"Her Grandmother is a tricky one."

"How so?"

"In this letter she's apologizing that her previous letters to Bella never arrived and saying that she must have misplaced them instead of mailing them like she thought she had. It sounds like she knows Renee is reading the letters. Listen, "Bella, I am so sorry my carelessness caused you to worry last week. Clearly the letter I wrote you was misplaced. I will do better to make sure they reach you, sweetheart, and I know your mother will help."

"So she forgot to mail a letter to her?"

"No, Edward, I'm betting that Renee was not giving the letters to her and that was a not so subtle threat from Genevieve. The next line says, "To make up for the absence of letters, we've arranged to come stay in the nearest hotel for the next week. We'll have seven days to play."

"Ah, so Genevieve is basically telling Renee since she withheld the letter to Bella that they will make personal visits each time."

"That's the way it appears to me."

"I bet Renee never tried that trick again."

"She did not sound like the most socially adept person over the phone Edward. I'm willing to bet she lost things often. Bella told Alice that her mother often lost the birthday or Christmas gifts that were sent to her." I shook my head at the mere idea of someone being that petty fighting over the heart of a mere child.

"All the rest of them are boring, Mother. They just talk about the weather, about the holidays, or about the plants."

"I don't know that it's so much what the subjects were about, Edward as the fact they took the time to send them. And they tell her they love her in every one, several times. Plus if Renee was reading them, they had to keep them dull and non-threatening."

That whole loving part, I suppose, mattered. I wouldn't know. I packed up the box and carried it in one arm with the umbrella keeping it dry in the other. My sisters knew I'd arrive then and helped out by opening the door so I could carry it inside with ease.

"Good afternoon, Bella, Leah." I greeted them both.

To my misfortune, Leah had decided that she had shared my singer long enough with my family and that it was now her turn. What is it with these humans thinking they can timeshare my poor human? Even worse, that I'd permit it? I attempted to discuss our history class as we had an upcoming project due. Leah interrupted so much that with apologetic eyes, my singer did not halt me taking my leave of her. I heard my sisters promise to call her as they walked to the car. My feet refused to move, despite Mary Alice hissing at me that I shouldn't stand there unless I planned on doing something. That irritated me even more seeing Leah's smirk as she thought, _"My boyfriend is hotter than Swan's and he lets everyone know he thinks I'm cute, too. He doesn't just stand there making eyes at me like an idiot."_

We had already done our biology homework for the next class. I had nothing else to talk to her about. I thought. I needed a new script. This talking business. Argh. I much preferred staring at her when she slept. Fine, I liked talking to her when I felt like I could. Which wasn't often. But still. I liked hearing the sound of her voice these days. It soothed my ears. And Leah needed to learn a lesson about not goading grouchy immortals.

"I'll talk to you later," I smoldered at my singer.

"Oh," she agreed wide-eyed.

I slowly leaned forward and smirking at Leah at superhuman speed, took my singer's face in my hands and kissed her on the side of her head above her ear, moving ever so slowly. From Leah's point of view standing behind my human and me, however, it appeared considerably more intimate. My right hand smoothed her hair in her favorite caress as I whispered in her ear with a completely besotted expression on my face for Leah's sake, "Fake Girlfriend, only the sound of your voice is preventing me from strangling Leah Clearwater," That and a pesky treaty, but I meant every word. My human blushed to the roots of her hair while laughing and I walked to the car assiduously avoiding my sisters' blank faces. Rosalie thought I had exercised fierce restraint considering I had my teeth that close to my singer's neck. Mary Alice thought I had acted appropriately as it was important to show my feelings around the Clearwaters so they would not interfere with our spending time together. I won at life as I sulked in the car on the way home. Leah did surprise me one bit when the second we drove away she began chewing my poor human's ear about her latest date with her boyfriend Sam Uley. Even I had my tolerance and tuned them out.

Sunday was even worse. Sitting in the pouring rain, I listened to her play board games with the Clearwaters for hours. She did not speak much and seemed preoccupied from the view my pet gave me as she shifted thirty four percent more than average. I could identify. I was most definitely preoccupied. And mornings were horrifyingly the same each time. No matter how fast I ran, I never made it to the privacy of the house in time. But to my credit, I didn't cry. It might have had something to do with both parents showing up with Emmett to wake me in the morning and accompany me home beaming emotional support without saying a word, or sitting on the ground with me holding my hands as my heart stopped. I wouldn't know. I did learn a lot about the wildflowers of the area as often it helped if I stared at one while my heart skipped and died. This morning I had learned about the Shooting star, a flower whose shape resembled a falling celestial body in shape. I wondered if I could send her a bouquet of avalanche lilies and shooting stars. They were in colors she favored. Starched Shirt Edward suggested we pick them ourselves saying women liked sentimental gestures like that.

I reached over and snapped one from the ground. Mother said, "Edward, what are you doing?"

"I think she'd like these colors, don't you?" Mary Alice hadn't prohibited me giving her things that cost no money.

"I do. How considerate you are. Carlisle, could you please help us a minute?" We picked flowers and Mother found some greenery and ferns and soon we managed to create a lovely bouquet of white, blue, yellow and dark red blooms. I had wanted to give her fifty four flowers to symbolize the hours since she had left our house. Mother thought that was too many for her to carry around at school and we compromised for a smaller bouquet that I'd make sure she left at her residence. When we reached our house, Mother found a ribbon to wrap around it. After changing and shaving at vampire speed, I was now ready for the day.

I could not wait for school to start. I felt like a six-year old human child at Christmas knowing I had the perfect gift waiting for me under the tree if I could only be patient for a little while longer. I'd see her soon. "I thought you could use something to make you smile," was the line Mother had suggested I use. I had rehearsed it with Rosalie and Emmett in the car on the way over and even made them take an extra loop around the block until Rosalie pronounced me ready to perform. Feeling as nervous as a newborn vegetarian in his first room of clueless humans, I approached her door and rang the bell. Perhaps I panicked a bit when she appeared before my eyes because I held out the flowers to her without a word.

"What are these?" she lifted them to her nose taking in their fragrance.

"Yours," that seemed appropriate.

"What did I do to earn them?" She had not smiled. I hoped she was not displeased.

"I thought you could use something to make you smile." There I said it and it sounded smooth, too. Emmett and Rosalie thought so.

She reached out and took my hand and said, "You always do make me smile. Thank you for the flowers. I'll put them in water." I helped her find a vase hidden above the stove - one of her Grandmother's it appeared. She quickly put them in water and set the arrangement by the window. We were only two minutes behind schedule.

She seemed tired, I thought, as I opened the car door for her to take her seat, and I felt a nervous wreck. Being deprived of quality time with her pressed against me had me, according to Emmett as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. For once, I didn't argue. He was absolutely right. I inhaled in relief as I sat by her in the back seat and let Rosalie drive us to school. When we hit a bump in the road I jumped and she kindly took my hand in both of hers saying, "Fake boyfriend, you look like you haven't slept in days." I couldn't tell her that I sort of had slept for a few hours right by her so I simply smiled and said nothing concentrating on the feel of her fingers against my own. Mary Alice and Jasper followed in the Mercedes at a safe distance. Some may have accused me of counting the seconds I had left with her like a miser as I walked her to first period and saw her seated and safe. I preferred to think of it as scent-antic time management.

At our house later that afternoon she took a pawn from my fingers and said, "Fake Boyfriend, you look stressed," she refrained from commenting on the poor quality of my playing and instead put up the chess set after my fourth careless move in a row.

"I'm sorry; I've had a headache for a few days. I'll try better. Let's play again." My hand captured hers and I reached for the chess set.

The demon woman actually leaned to her left trying to intercept my arm to the point where she toppled over off our bed. I being the gentleman that I was not had to stop my attempt at asserting my masculinity to catch her as she clearly was more important than the damn chess set. Cuter, too.

From a foot off the ground she laid in my arms her lower legs still resting on the mattress as if everything was perfectly normal and she hadn't just plunged off the side of the bed. Piously she said, "I refuse a rematch on account that I won't take advantage of you in your weakened state." She had the gall to make her lips twitch. Now I really wanted to play. Chess. Lots of it. All day long.

"Weakened state? Someone needs a refresher course on the law of the jungle." I'd show her a weakened state; I stared at her lower lip a second too long as I lifted her from the floor towards me. She ignored my behavior and whistled, looking a bit too much like Starched Shirt Edward in that second as she actually laughed at me.

"Law of the jungle is it? Someone fell for the damsel in distress ploy." She did not just say that. Wait. She did. Extending her hands, she pulled herself up my stuttering form and clambered over me to her place on the bed. As I sat there gawping, she reached for my left shoe and pulled the loafer off. I stared stupidly but let her pull the right one off as well. If she wanted to tear my clothes off who was I to prevent her? Chivalry said so. She pulled me, alas, fully clothed down against the bed. My singer reached for the blanket that lay folded across the foot of the bed and pulled it over us.

Her fingers tentatively traced the shadows under my eyes. My heart had started beating an hour ago and I had been ignoring it ever since. Her touch made my pulse leap. "Take a nap with me?" The woman was a genius. I nodded, held up an index finger at her as if to say, "give me one second," switched off the light, and called Rosalie's cell phone acting as if she couldn't hear me from her place in the garage tooling with my Volvo. "Can you please arrange for Bella to stay for dinner? She wants to take a nap."

My sister was all for the practice, "Good, you both look exhausted. Close the shutters. I didn't tell Rosalie that I'd never opened them in the first place. A darkened room would make my human sleepy and think it was nighttime. Sometimes, I thought, as I pulled her against me, this was too easy. My heart skipped a beat when she said, "Thank you for understanding." She was thanking me for seducing her into taking a nap. Life was good, I chortled in my mind, as she snuggled against my shirt.

"I hereby propose the practice of naptime henceforth should be a Swan-Cullen daily vacation."

"I second that motion," she slurred. We fell asleep for a blissful three hours. I awoke to find her tickling my side.

"What's with the Fake Boyfriend abuse while sleeping?" I smiled keeping my eyes shut holding her squirming body tighter in response.

"What's with the holding the Fake Girlfriend so tightly she can't use the restroom?" I instantly apologized and allowed her to escape. When she returned she reached for my laptop. Unfortunately. And turned on the light. My life was a graveyard of buried hopes. "Can't we all just sleep together?" I wanted to whine.

"I think we need to take another vacation to a foreign destination." Funny, she said that the next two days in a row. With satisfaction, I noted that she crawled under the covers the past two days and permitted me to join her. I found the daily practice of naps to be delightful, although it couldn't compare to my usual pleasure at a full night's quality pressed against the flesh singer time. But beggars couldn't be choosers, and I'd greedily lap up the table scraps to time thrown in my direction. She was back in my arms where she belonged. And she had put herself there, better yet.

We took foreign vacations when we woke up. And I did feel relaxed after taking in the sights of New Zealand and Greece with her. She wanted to learn how to ski in New Zealand. I lacked the imagination to see her partaking in that activity without a trip to ICU involved and developed a sudden fondness instead for a vacation in the Fiji islands. They had a new feature where they would strap humans to wires and swing them around the tops of the rainforest calling it an eco-adventure. That sounded dangerous enough for her to contemplate. Her eyes gleamed at the thought, so I think she liked the idea. I wanted to tell her that I could offer her the same service, free of charge, without the wires but held my tongue.

I yearned to take her to the Plaka in Athens where tourists wandered from booth to booth haggling over scarves and such. We settled for doing research on the items most often purchased by tourists and chortling in disdain as we declared that we would have made different choices. Instead of buying silver, I would have bought her the Acropolis, although those Greeks would probably be a bit fussy about the price as they had yet to forgive Britain for walking off with part of it. She insisted that she would want to buy history books about Alexander the Great.

I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that I could simply take her to Tanya and she could learn all about Alexander the Great's exploits in battle and beyond. But I was definitely keeping her away from the peerless Tanya. If those two ….never mind….it was too awful to even contemplate the corruption of my precious bottle cap at Tanya's claws…… I found a web site that had Greek recipes and we spent the rest of the afternoon learning how to make baklava, a hideous glue-like concoction of honey and cinnamon and flour. I eagerly ate every piece she handed me in celebration that I had avoided burning down the house in my first attempt to cook. She was a patient teacher. And Jugurtha and I enjoyed watching her lick honey from the tips of her fingers. With the exception of apples and cinnamon, human food repulsed me. Yet I found myself staring at the honey gleaming on her fingertips and envying it.

Fortunately, my human and I seemed to be talking better over lunch that week since Rosalie and Mary Alice helped me with what to say quietly in their minds so as not to embarrass me in front of Jasper and Emmett, who for their part, mentally shouted advice every bit as loudly. I couldn't help it if I lost my train of thought when she looked at me with a certain manner while having contrasting lines being fed to me by four mental voices. It was totally unfair, I huffed, that she had a secret weapon and wielded it with such ease and I had a vampire chorus of four with discordant notes helpfully serenading me, sounding at times like the mental equivalent of competing cats yowling in the middle of the night. I had to use my vampiric charms on my singer merely to catch up. It must have been withdrawal from my normal amounts of quality singer pressed against the flesh time because when she touched her hand to mine at lunch I almost jumped out of my chair. It seemed to shock her, too, and I babbled something about …..fine….I stuttered like an idiot for a second or two fumbling in social disgrace until I remembered a line from my friend Horatio St. James that I had learned at his side at the tea. I asked, "I've developed fondness for tea as of late. Do you drink tea?" That took care of conversation for a few minutes more and gave me time to think when not staring at the way the light played across her tresses. It proved useful, too. She said, "I drink a lot of cinnamon spice, these days. I like the smell and can't find one with Allspice which I like better." Jugurtha said, "When she was ill that first day she told us we smelled of Allspice and pine." That had to be a good sign. She wanted to drink me. Wait, that sounded bad. No, that actually sounded quite good as long as wedding rings were involved. Starched Shirt Edward smacked me upside the back of my head and said, "Respect her."

"I am respecting her. I'm simply pondering the joys of marital love."

"We aren't married to her yet."

"True, but I can plan, and dream. And planning helps me talk to her."

"Not planning like_ that_ planning. You'll blow up the school."

Buzzkilling Bastard.

Curiously, my singer always acted relieved when I sat down at our table followed by joyful. Her stiff shoulders would relax and we'd banter over chess, or quibble over history. Half the time my siblings joined us. I looked forward to our drives to and from school, much more so the drives from school because I knew I was counting the seconds until I could sleep in her arms. The only disadvantage meant we all had to find different times and locations to vomit since doing it on the way back from Forks High was now not an option. Emmett, in particular, couldn't hold his gorge that long.

I offered to release him from the terms of the bet, but he wouldn't have it. "She eats more when we all eat with her and Rosalie says she still needs to keep gaining weight. Thanks buddy, but I'll keep eating. And I get a kick out of my Rose doing it with me." He winked. As a compromise we took to finding isolated times to go to the bathroom and vomit usually with another waiting in the halls guarding the doors as if an illicit drug deal went on inside. If only they really knew, I thought darkly, as I pretended to drink from a water fountain and wiped my mouth with my shirtsleeve a rude habit I'd adopted to blend in.

When I had not been moping over last weekend, I had spent the entire time combing through every mind I could find that had a kinship to the tribe with the aid of my anonymous pet who seemed quite delighted to help with the chore. Hezekiah said I had to choose the person who sacrificed the most for the tribe. What exactly did that entail? If I went by the Biblical version, Billy Black could have staked Genevieve over a stone alter pouring wine over her offering her life up to God in order to get the land. So that didn't seem to work for me. Murder in the name of tribal unity was crossed off the list.

There was Harry, who sacrificed his health worrying over each and every member giving of his time. That definitely seemed more in line. And he came from a long-lived line as some of his ancestors had been in their 100's when they passed into the eternal realm. So picking Harry, despite his age, wasn't a problem.

John Quill most certainly had sacrificed for the tribe. He'd lost his entire family and bore the scars still although Father said he had healed nicely after examining him at work. It had surprised us all when Mr. Quill had gone to the hospital specifically to see Father. He had muttered about setting an example for the tribe under his breath. From his occasional nightmares he seemed to have a rather vivid and accurate memory of the event. Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward and I came up with our own lists and voted. It was, of course a split decision, but the majority ruled. Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha had spoken. And I grudgingly agreed to enact their will. I would tell the elders tonight. First, I had to find the new shaman and frighten the living daylights out of the poor soul with the "By the way, I'm your friendly neighborhood vampire who has all your tribal powers want some?" speech.

The downpour halted as we made our way to Hezekiah's cave on Wednesday night after dropping my human off at her house to spend "girl-time" with Mary Alice who had asked to collect on her gift certificate for chess.

My family waited behind me as I approached Chief Clearwater and the other elders. He looked over my shoulder and said, "What is she doing here?" My sister Rosalie huffed in annoyance. She and the new shaman actually had been chatting nicely and she was offended on the shaman's behalf.

"That's your new shaman." I said simply proud of myself as he and the other elders gaped as she approached the cave carrying a large paper shopping bag in both arms. Emmett had offered to carry it for her earlier but she had insisted that she preferred to do it herself. Since she had that werewolf strength, we didn't feel that we were being that un-chivalrous in allowing her to have her way. It was a special day, after all. "We're going to do the ceremony tonight according to Hezekiah's directions."

"But she's a Black. And on probation." Harry spluttered as he gawped at a stone-faced Paula who had taken my request rather well, after fainting. Twice. When she phased that first time waking up with me standing over her had been well, a bit hairy, but she managed with my and Jasper's aide to stop slobbering and nipping at me long enough to unphase. I must admit, she smirked when I said, "No offense, Miss Black, but I prefer you clothed." Jasper who had kept his eyes from her joked, "Have pity on us, you're ruining us for other women." An elder's question pulled me from that traumatizing memory. I swear after this was over I'd need therapy for life.

"How did you decide?" John Quill sounded the most accepting.

"I told you they'd never go for it," Paula griped at wolf-pitch which we, of course, could hear.

"Patience, grasshopper," Rosalie said.

I wanted this chore over, and had made up my mind, "By the criteria that Hezekiah gave me, she will be an excellent shaman. And if you know your tribal history before Ephraim was elected chief, the Blacks had hundreds of loyal years of serving the tribe in a secondary leadership role."

"None were shamans that I know of." He countered. The other four elders agreed.

Paula sniffed the air and said, "Edward, would you mind explaining to me why you are covered with Bella's scent?" Now she decided to play the overprotective wolf?

"She has nightmares."

"Yes, since she was very small."

"I stop them." I turned to answer the elders' complaint.

"So? Before all that feuding over chief nonsense started, the Blacks were quite devoted to working for the tribe. And there's that little detail that Gregory murdered her grandfather for being the chief and acting in the interests of the tribe. You owe her."

"Fine." He agreed expelling air shoulders slumped. "Can you work with me?" Harry had nothing against her personally. She had never said a rude word to him and Sue.

"I hate my brother, Harry. Now that he's been exposed I don't have to hide it. Of course I can work with you. I've been working against him for years. We'll make a new history together for the tribe and end this nonsense."

At wolf pitch she turned and said, "Exactly how are you helping end her nightmares. She wakes up screaming at night sometimes." I waved my fingers and shot green flames from them so fast the humans missed it and spoke at the same rate, "I use the Quileute gifts and I have to touch her to make them work. Since she learned about how her parents' lied about her disability she has not slept much. She takes naps at our house after school." And that was the final word I'd say. Besides my family looked on at her as if she was crossing a line she had no business treading. I'd said the perfect thing, because Paula mentally grumbled that Charlie had never told her about Bella's disability, either. Considering she hadn't told him they had a son, I thought that quite ironic. Father's appeals to the elders dragged my attention to our negotiation.

Father said, "We can verify that she is telling the truth and has acted in good faith for years. She's protected not only the Black children, but also Charlie and Bella quietly all this time without Billy ever suspecting a thing." He passed copies of our documentation to John Quill. We avoided mentioning Seth as that was not our business to reveal. And the fact that we were supernatural enemies backing up a tribal member caught there attention. That and the green light glowing from my fingers.

"She's kept him at bay for years for the sake of the tribe. She deserves this position more than any other." I said. Clearwater's mind guiltily went to the fact that when his father had murdered Ephraim he'd sent the poor man's family into poverty forcing them to leave the reservation for a decade. She certainly had suffered at his kin's hands.

My family approached surrounding us and Emmett and I lifted the stone from the opening of the cave. We clambered inside in a procession. Harry held the cloth I had requested and handed it to Paula. She did not flinch once when we found Hezekiah's withered corpse. Time and decay had caused it to fall into pieces when touched. Harry held the cloth that had been stitched into a sack for her as she carefully picked up the bones. Father and I had insisted that they both wear gloves. My family mentally told me they were proud of my decision. Rosalie, in particular, was impressed at my burgeoning feminism.

Paula left the shopping bag in the cave as she emerged. Her thoughts were on the ceremony ahead and I asked solicitously if she needed me to fetch the bag. Concentrating on the words that she would have to say in the upcoming ceremony she replied, "No, part of our lore means we have to leave an offering for the dead to decorate the grave. I did some research today. Hezekiah will always have two resting places. I had to leave something here to mark it. The bag contains blankets and water for his spirit." Oh, my word, somehow that seemed fitting. We stepped outside the cave in a sign of respect as Paula said the ritual prayers for the dead in their language. She spoke it flawlessly. Emmett and Rosalie re-sealed the cave as Hezekiah had requested.

Once they concluded the ceremony, she handed the cloth sack holding the body to Harry. Without question, he accepted the remains. Carlisle gave her an injection before the startled elders. Paula told them with her eyes to remain calm. She turned to me and at wolf pitch said, "I won't interfere with you and Bella, but if you hurt her, you'll take Hezekiah's place in that cave."

Rosalie said, "If he hurts her, we'll help." Now that we had all finished threatening me joining voices with Sitting Bull and Teddy Roosevelt, I thought it was time I use my power to silence her for a few hours. I had Hezekiah's stick in my hand, and by golly I was going to use it. When I sensed the drugs hit her system my brothers and sister moved to stand behind her. I held out one arm clutching the staff with the other and thought of the day when Hezekiah had unlocked the memories. Chanting the words I recalled from my mind from his investiture ceremony I felt the energy surge and peak as it flowed into her. She jolted on her feet as if electrocuted and fell to the ground, caught in Rosalie's arms. The green flame surrounded her body but did not touch my sister. Paula had fainted, finally. Now I'd have a bit of peace.

"What the heck did you do to her?" Harry Clearwater wondered if I had condemned her, too, remembering the last time I had used that power – on his father as a punishment for quadruple murder. He couldn't have his son's biological mother wandering for all eternity homeless.

"Relax, Chief Clearwater, I carried out Hezekiah's request."

"To make a woman faint?"

"No, I gave her all your ancestral memories and officially began the process of making her your shaman. Since it's painful we sedated her. When she wakes she will have all the memories although it will take some time for them to make sense. And the spirits will test her to see if she's worthy."

"Oh, sorry." Harry nodded understanding. "How am I supposed to have a Black as a shaman?" He sighed.

"The same way you had a Black as your lone wolf." Jasper helpfully lobbed into the clearing.

"She's what?" Clearwater roared that part as my brother's verbal bomb detonated. The other elders now gave him their full attention.

"She is the lone wolf in the pack. And you don't want to make her angry. She only became one last year. So you might want to hold off telling her anything that might make her distressed, such as you don't approve of her being your shaman, unless we're around."

"Does her brother know?"

Father said, "Of course not. After all she did to protect Charlie and Bella and Jacob do you think she's going to tell him the wolf he wants in order to seize power is already in the family?"

"Oh." His opinion of Paula soared.

"You need to have more faith in people," I reminded him piously. Well, it was true.

Carlisle said, "Wolves when they first start begin to change, as you should know from your stories, can be irrational and phase suddenly if angered. She has impressive, I'd go so far as to say phenomenal, control to be able to interact with her brother for the past year letting him harangue at her for not conceiving. If it were any other wolf in her place, Billy would doubtlessly be dead probably with several others." We turned apologetic eyes to John Quill. With an uncomfortable look on his face he said, "I never got the chance to thank you before the tribe for what you did for me and my family that night." He left unspoken that he'd been dreaming of his brother again. Father and I nodded.

Mr. Quill turned to the others and spoke for the first time of his attack at his brother's claws, "We didn't even provoke my brother and he transformed. Considering the kind of temper that Billy has, I can't imagine how she didn't…" his voice trailed off. His mind turned to memories of the night his brother Lee had murdered their family in a fit of rage having newly phased and quickly stuffed them away before they could cause him more pain. We'd had to leave because of the fallout from that night. Harry's thoughts pulled me from my memories.

Harry saw my logic. He had long grudgingly liked Paula due to that whole giving him her firstborn child selflessly and never bothering him about it part. He guessed I knew about Seth and appreciated me keeping my mouth shut. He looked at me as those thoughts hit his mind remembering Father's comments about being able to read minds. I nodded at him and he paled as he realized it was true. "I like her too." I said.

Emmett took Paula home to recover at our house. She had called Charlie earlier that night and had told him she was going to a day spa and leaving her cell phone at home so she could 'get away from it all,' to think for the next few days. Not mind you, that he would ever have considered searching for her at our house. But the devil was in the details. Harry had arranged for a tribe member matching Paula's description to check into a day-spa courtesy of course, of Paula, for the full day's pre-paid treatment. And as long as Paula remained with us, that women would endure whatever torture the spa could dream up. Like flat ironing.

Accompanied by the rest of the elders, Harry Clearwater and I journeyed at a snail-like human pace to the tribe's graveyard. Father, Rosalie, and Emmett had returned home to tend to Paula. Mary Alice and Mother guarded my singer. Jasper stood by my side, not wanting to leave me alone with the tribe. He thought to himself he knew how hard it was for me to speak and he'd offer assistance where he could. I was grateful for the company.

It did not take long to find the grave. Harry had left one shovel lying by handy. I said to Jasper, "I would like to dig his grave." At vampire speed I shoveled while Mr. Clearwater and the elders stood slack-jawed. With shaking hands, Harry held the cloth covered remains to me. I had dug a proper pit because in my mind it made sense to have Hezekiah's body at the same level as his wife's. I reached up to take the bag from Chief Clearwater. I laid my friend's remains gently into the cold breast of the earth. I put my hand on top of the skull and murmured, "Safe journey my friend," thinking of his smile when he said his mate's name. He was, after all these years, home at last beside his bride. I wondered what that felt like.

Since we had been lurking in graveyards lately we had sod left over from our work at the Forks' graveyard and put it to good use over here. I had brought potted daisies for Jenny, Hezekiah's wife that I planted in front of her tombstone. Somehow they had seemed appropriate. I thought she deserved flowers from her husband since he had finally managed to come home from that night. And of course, the Western Wallflowers I had collected from the park had to be planted on his grave as well, given his predilection towards them in our meetings.

Hezekiah would think it pretentious to have two ceremonies. I said the prayers under my breath required by their rituals as I arranged the graves back to order. Chief Clearwater stood stiffly beside me. After handing him the shovel with courtesy and dusting my hands, I waved at him and the silent elders and left without a word, accompanied by my brother. I had lurked in entirely too many graveyards lately, and besides, I had other far more appealing locations I planned on lurking. Better smelling ones, too. Jasper and I increased our speed and dashed in a blur off into the cold night. I had sufficient motivation to leave him eating my dust as I darted through the forest.

Jugurtha said, "You are a bit too excited at present, we have arranged an hour's time for you to run."

"But I want to see her," I complained.

"And see her you shall, just not in that state, and covered with dirt."

I wove my way around the forest determined to take the world's quickest shower. With both of my hands firmly on the soap, thank you very much, indeed. I had better things I wanted to hold in them. Much better things.

* * *

**AN: The Cullens and Paula Black had an interesting first meeting; the tribe received a new shaman, and Hezekiah a proper burial. Edward is miserable away from Bella. Worse, that whole process of his heart stopping without being around her brings newfound agony. He starts actively courting her. Bella decides to take matters into her own hands with the sleeping situation. **

**Thanks for reading. Jugurtha would love it if you would pencil in reviewing into your schedule. Dream Edward is blowing kisses at you. **

**Books**

**This story has a thread on the AU forum of Twilighted (dot) net where when the mood strikes me I post teasers. **


	29. HOD pt 18 Stomping through Sword Ferns

**I POSTED TWO CHAPTERS BACK TO BACK. THE PREVIOUS ONE IS CALLED "WHEN THE FUR FLIES." IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, YOU SHOULD JUMP BACK A CHAPTER AND START THERE.  
**

**

* * *

Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, The O'Sheas, Jericho, Paula, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta. **

**AN: ****Genevieve sent a vision, a ghastly one, of Jasper's family being killed by his childhood best friend, Aaron - the same childhood best friend that Jasper accidentally turned in the first vision Genevieve sent to him at the end of HOD 9. The most recent vision showed Aaron walking into the Whitlock home, tearing the front door off the hinges....but only offered sounds to indicate what actually happened inside. Jasper has been devastated ever since. And the family is taking turns keeping him company. In the last chapter the Quileute tribe was introduced to their new shaman, and Edward formally buried Hezekiah in the grave beside his beloved wife. As our chapter begins Edward has left for an evening run. He's been having nightmares during the time he's asleep of Bella being chased through the forest, a terrified, bleeding Bella. The nightmares are making him positively well.....grouchy. I have pictures posted on my profile that you may find interesting in regards to this chapter.  
**

**

* * *

****Heart of Darkness – Part Eighteen - Stomping Through the Sword Ferns and Twinkling in the Night**

Duty called, as I had to clean the dirt from my body and return to guard my human. Any reasonable vampire would, after all, want to ensure her well being. It's not like her father could. Thinking about her father made me wonder if humanity evolved from monkeys and apes why then, did we still have monkeys and apes? Charles Swan could only be alive because he was the missing link. Either that or he was too stupid to die.

Remembering that horrid dream of her stumbling about the park on creaky human conveyances; I decided to address another issue that threatened her well-being. I'd left Jasper behind ten miles back. Continuing with my nightly run, after a quick hunt, I took out six bridges in the park, rough crude structures. My human would not bobble across these any time soon, plunging to her death. I'd destroy the rest of the wooden bridges in the park later, I decided, as I stared at Marymere falls thinking of that haunting vision.

The world narrowed to me and the stone and I blocked out everything including the noise of the cataract as I recalled each detail of that dream. Unable to resist, I placed my cell phone on a large branch of a tree. Suddenly, I found myself moving through the rocks and over the moss encrusted logs to swim to its base. Using my newfound powers I reached out to the stone with an irritated palm to see if it would reveal any secrets. When my glowing hands met the surface it remained firm. The vivid green moss that grew against it in patches gave it the illusory feel of cloth like a coat, but underneath its layer it simply felt like any other cold rock.

Heaving in relief, I leaned my head against the wall letting the sound of the water falling to my right soothe me. It had merely been a figment of my overactive imagination. There would be no supernatural leaping into rock walls by my suddenly spritely singer. I had to return to her side and stop wasting time fretting about the impossible and worry about the flock of red-eyed people Genevieve kept tormenting us to find. I yelped, as I emerged from the water to find Mary Alice waiting for me silent as a stone in the cemetery holding my cell phone. How she had snuck up on me I'd never know, considering she was supposed to be guarding my human and I had that listening ability she didn't know about that extended for miles.

At the startled expression on my face she tossed the phone in the air as if juggling it, "You've been highly distracted lately Edward, anyone could have snuck up on you just now. And Jasper is with Mother watching over Bella." It went without words that Jasper was outside with our parent sitting at his side.

She continued, "I know how bad it is to get caught off guard. It's happened to me a lot lately."

Her words stung thinking of the unscented wolf we had stumbled upon earlier, another example of my carelessness. How could I protect my poor human if I couldn't guard my own family? Wait she _was_ family now officially, although she technically didn't know it. Drat. I turned to Jugurtha and ordered, "mark down on our list of to do's after courting her, explaining to her that she's now officially family without telling her about the whole vampire business." He nodded and scribbled away.

Mary Alice tugged at my sleeve garnering my attention. But I knew she hadn't come to talk to me about the lone wolf.

"You never saw her?" I regretted asking that question the second it left my tactless teeth and tongue. Keeping silent all those decades had been an inspired plan. I should do it more often.

"I apologize for my careless words."

As usual, Mary Alice pardoned my lack of manners. "Not only that, but I panicked because when you met her the first night you literally vanished from my mind. I couldn't see anyone's future and I thought that must have been your power expanding. Because the alternative meant you all had died. That's why I texted Jasper in the middle of that meeting." I remembered her mate typing quickly once things had settled down at vampire speed but had thought nothing of it. Jasper always fiddled with his phone and I had been a little preoccupied with keeping us all alive to concentrate on anything outside of Miss Black's house.

"I'm sorry we frightened you."

"Well, from what I can tell, the Quileute powers make me utterly blind. I did not see your ceremony how did it go?"

"Well, I think."

"Excellent. I'm glad you made your choice."

Jugurtha said, "There has to be more." In my mind I nodded at him in agreement.

I sat down on a moss covered fallen log head in hands, "What is it now?"

She clambered on the wide trunk sitting Indian style, hand cupping her chin, facing my left profile, "Can't I simply want to have a talk with my big brother?" Her congenial tone and benign expression indicated I was most definitely in for it.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she surveyed me like a raptor about ready to leap on unsuspecting prey. My pet helped me observe Mary Alice blinking innocently as I stared straight ahead. "Of course. But let's get the lecture out of the way first, shall we?" Her face became severe as an elderly school marm facing a roomful of unruly students.

"Why are you destroying bridges?"

"I've been having dreams at night." That was true although my voice spit it out so quickly it probably sounded like a lie.

"Ones that mandate you to tumble timber? What did the bridge do in your dream to make you kill it?" she thought me joking. Mary Alice leaned forward, concern on her face at my continued silence, "Oh, Edward, what is it?"

I waved my arm outward, "I see her running around this area. She appears so frightened, Mary Alice, and her head is cut here and appears like it needs stitches," I pointed to my temple, "And I can smell that she's given herself an epi shot for her asthma. She acts like she's being pursued by demons."

"Can you see anyone chasing her?"

"No, that's what makes it even worse but she constantly looks around as if hell's hounds will explode from the shrubbery and ferns at any second. In my dreams I run after her and try to assist her and she can't hear me. And last night I saw her lurching across, well," my eyes studiously ignored the remains of the rickety bridge I had knocked over with a dying tree, "that _thing_ in the fog. I thought she'd topple over the side any second. It scared the life out of me."

"Is this the first time you've had this dream?"

"No, I've had it before. This one was more intense. They grow longer and more detailed every time."

"How will destroying the bridges help? If the dream was a vision of the future, you've made her life more difficult by giving her no place to run." I didn't have visions of the future. Hezekiah who had given me all his powers did……oh……wait…..no…that had to be a dream. Besides, I would never leave my human alone wounded like that.

"I'm going to donate to the park to have better ones built, sturdier ones, and hire a crew to have them up by next week." I had thought that part through.

She used her gift scrying into the future. "That will work but you'll have to donate the money quickly and arrange for it to be built at record speed. The park won't want to spend from their current budget, so you can expect cooperation from Mrs. Webber, who manages it for the government. We don't know if your dream is a vision, when it will happen, right?

"No."

"While you're at it, Jasper and I will donate to have every other bridge that is wood redone. We will argue they need to be better built to protect from termites or handicapped accessible …..something, the park won't care what reason we use. But Edward," she paused.

"Yes."

"No more tearing down half the bridges in Clallam county. It could expose us."

"I have the eco-terrorist angle worked out for these."

"Yes, and it'll work this time if the humans look. It won't again."

"Of course."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Was she professionally miffed?

How does one tactfully tell one's usually correct sibling that since she's usually incorrect in regards to me that I ….I'm toast. "I wanted to try to solve the problem on my own. I know that sounds silly." Well it was true. It did sound silly.

"Here," she handed me half of a ticket from a motion picture show.

"What is this?"

"Our alibi. No one will suspect us, but in case my gift isn't working, we were at a movie tonight. Here's the movie we went to see. Humans find releasing early copies to be illegal so you can't show this to Bella or anyone from school." She handed me a CD. "I think we should go watch it at the cottage. Jasper really could use the company tonight, and Emmett and Rose said they'd take over watch. And I think you and I would do him good. Besides, you're soaking wet and have to change before you go to her place anyway. We can't have you dripping water all over her floor."

Jasper had been difficult to be around for the past few days ever since Genevieve had her way with him. She made my notions of seeking revenge on him pale in comparison. Or perhaps I'd buried my cruel streak in Chicago.

I could not even begin to imagine, now that I'd remembered more about my human parents, what it would feel like to hear them be murdered. It was still difficult to wrap my emotions around the idea of being an immortal and be physically helpless to do anything. The closest I had come, now that I thought about it, was watching Genevieve and Liam and Jericho being murdered and the recent dream of my singer fleeing. I remember screaming at them all trying to help. Or, shuddering, Jasper's first vision fearing I'd kill my singer as I crouched over her feeling Jasper's bloodlust and general lust while trying to protect her from my siblings, and seeing her shake with fright in her sleep. That had to be one of the worst moments of my life.

But this…..Poor Jasper. He hadn't said a word but I and everyone else in the family knew the implications of the vision. From reading his jumbled thoughts I had managed to piece together that he had feared for years that he'd had something to do with his family's death but had not wanted to explore it for fear of what he would learn. Good old Genevieve filled with the milk of inhuman vengeance had found his Achilles' heel. What tormented him was the fear that he had sat back without a word and watched and listened to his loved ones die. All of our visions had taken place from our earlier lives. Jasper did not know how much "time" had been blocked from his vampire memory. From my memory of the malice in her eyes, to me it sounded exactly like Maria to go to his house to test out her new recruit. Given further consideration, I don't know why she would have made Jasper stand complacently by and watch. She seemed the type who would have insisted he participate. And I was not alone in that sentiment.

My sister's bond with her mate amazed me. She still felt that intense connection, even after learning what he had possibly done? And what he might possibly have not done while his best friend munched on his family? I shook my head. What I would give to have someone love me like that. It would be worth my soul.

I gathered from her thoughts my sister intended on giving me inspiration regarding my Fake relationship. She said, "Before we go, Edward, I have a confession to make."

"What is it Mary Alice?" I said at vampire speed. She was blocking her mind. I hoped my human was well. Did she have a vision?

"Tyler is planning to ask her out for next Friday night."

"Yes, I heard him think about it the other day. I don't understand. Isn't he dating that harpy Lauren?"

"They're fighting. I see him planning to ask Bella out to anger Lauren, nothing more."

"Surely she'll turn him down. She did Mike Newton. Wait….Do you see her dating him?" I asked in horror.

"Edward, I don't see her having any romantic interest in him, or Mike, ever." I exhaled. She continued, "I do see them being friends. And because of that, you should ensure that she is never in a motor vehicle operated by Tyler."

"He does not have foul thoughts about her like Newton, though. Why would it matter?" I queried. I knew she'd say 'no' to his request for an excursion since she would not want to face Lauren's fury.

Then my sister revealed to me the contents of her mind. I halted in place.

Mary Alice showed me that on that icy day at the end of February when I had carried my singer across the parking lot in my arms the real reason she had sent me at that exact time. Horrified, I watched Mary Alice's vision as my human's face contorted in terror as the metal of Tyler's careening minivan smashed into her frail form. The force of impact shattered her bones, and crushed her skull as it trapped her between her truck's cab and the passenger side of Tyler's van. Her pooled blood melted the ice. She didn't even have enough time to scream in the vision as her books scattered about the ground, pages flying so I did it for her with shaking fists that radiated green tongues of fire.

Without hesitation, Mary Alice took her immortal life in her hands and grabbed my flailing fists; no doubt to keep me from repeating that thrashing about business I had done at my human's room on that infamous day. The only thing aroused in this moment, however, was my wrath. The rage ran through my system gleefully amuck, and the ground shook in a tremor. The fury in me seemed like a ship I couldn't control. I felt like a thermometer as the temperature kept rising beyond its ability to record.

Mary Alice said, "Focus Edward. You are fine. She is fine. You are in control."

That didn't help much. I bellowed at the sky again, scaring away the fauna for miles staring around wildly for something tangible to destroy. My eyes landed on the corpse of the bridge I had torn asunder as it lay curled on the forest's floor. Furious, I imagined it was Accident Tyler's van at that second with Accident Tyler sitting in it making excuses for his poor driving. Before our startled eyes the wooden bridge exploded in a green cloud scattering fragments everywhere. Flabbergasted, she stared at me in amazement as wood shavings rained down around and on us. I wanted to destroy something else and thought perhaps I should find Tyler instead and repeat the experiment.

Mary Alice, frantic, held onto me with all her might and sent me a vision. In it I stood and held hands with my human. We appeared different somehow, wiser perhaps. I embraced the images greedily like a love-starved suitor kissing his lady's feet at the first sign of affection. My singer seemed so relaxed and joyful as she walked with me in the forest. I'd never seen her smile like that at anyone before and here she was smiling like that at me. Vision Me lifted our clasped hands and kissed her fingers watching the feelings play across her expressive face. She actually looked like she desired me, I think. And I did feel better, aside from the pounding headache.

Jugurtha talked me off the ledge when I mentally asked him to pencil in killing Tyler Crowley. I seriously contemplated systematically shredding his car, along with every vehicle owned or rented by his family for good measure bicycles and little red wagons owned by his little brother included. "Perhaps we could arrange for a fantastic job offer to appear out of the blue and relocate the entire family? That would be more convenient that killing them. Less mess, too. And destroying a 6-year-old's toy. Ew. Even I have standards. That's just as bad as planning to kill all the pets in Forks to help her allergies," Jugurtha sniffed. "Fine, the wagon gets to wheel another day. All the other vehicles are fair game."

Mary Alice placed a hand on my shoulder still holding the other one it was around. Then I noticed she'd been chanting my singer's name as I calmed over and over again, "Edward you changed Bella's fate that day, and one of us will always be around her to keep her from getting into any vehicle driven by Tyler. I wanted you to know because when school starts you really need to do something about the Fake Relationship status. The vision I showed you now of you and Bella is what will happen if you court her more actively."

"Oh," was all I could grit out.

"And way to go blowing up the bridge with your temper tantrum, Mr. Eco Terrorist. Now the humans will really be confused. There's not a trace of explosives in the air. The only thing they'll be left to think is that several families of malnourished beavers became exceedingly hungry." She patted my arm as I nervously smiled and gradually felt more at peace. She planned on taking Jasper hunting for beavers later that night.

"Can you tell me what you felt just now? Because this is obviously different from the first time and you didn't shatter any glass either."

"Uncontrollable rage and anguish. I couldn't stop it at first and then staring at the bridge I wanted it to be Tyler's van with him in it and….well."

Edward, I told you before that I think the earthquakes and other manifestations," I loved how tactful she was, "are related to your emotions. If this doesn't prove it, I don't know what else would. You were kind of scary."

"Did you see this?"

"No. But I saw the bridges were gone. Just not how, so that told me you were involved. Because I couldn't see Paula Black frolicking through the forest tearing down bridges."

"Thank you. I could have hurt you just now, Mary Alice." I hung my head in my hands.

"You could never do that Edward."

"Edward?" her thoughts became troubled.

"Yes, Mary Alice?"

"What do you remember from your human life? Before you started having the visions with Bella?"

"More than you, I know. But not much that felt useful. And I did not like to think about it, so I didn't." I squirmed.

"Can you elaborate please?" I'd rather talk about the sexual intercourse I was not having than the vestiges of the humanity I craved.

"I can remember being in church on a Sunday wearing an uncomfortable suit and praying. I know that my human parents were seated beside me but I was so busy praying in the memory that I can't see them."

"But you have more than just one memory of your human life, don't you?" We had never sat around discussing our mortal lives. I was not sure how to proceed.

"I can remember bits of my childhood flashes really of school and of living in Chicago. I can remember books I read, and some of the faces, I think, of my friends and teachers. I remember what our house looked like and I remember parts of dying." That last part slipped out before I could catch the words. I grimaced in regret. I didn't want to burden her, and I couldn't let her know that I hated being what I was. "I hope I did not offend you there." That much was true.

"But you remember how you felt about your family? Did you have siblings?"

"No. And I think I was an only child. It was like someone had told me I loved them but I couldn't feel it in my mind when trying to recall them." I wouldn't be telling her about the agony of missing being a human that didn't quite qualify as missing my family. I made it sound like I felt curious about it and slightly beleaguered.

"Did you have any particular friends that you recall?"

"In what manner?"

"When you see his or her face in your mind, how do you know it was a friend?" I'd never really ……well….

"I dreamt of one recently. He was my best friend. His name was Horatio St. James."

"Horatio. That's a nice name. How did you know he was your best friend?"

"I don't know. I remember in the dream thinking that he had been my best friend. I remember him being helpful to me at parties with speaking when I'd….and feeling thankful and knowing that he had saved me before. And he asked me to be the best man at his wedding so that had to mean we were friends, right?"

"I think so, Edward. I never envied any one for having memories because I couldn't miss what I didn't know." Part of me had longed for Mary Alice's oblivion of a blank slate so the few memories I did have wouldn't be there to remind me of what I could never regain. It looks like I had partially succeeded in that dream, considering I had known Carlisle before my death and had instantly forgotten all but a surface knowledge upon awakening as an immortal.

I had perused my newly discovered familial tie with Carlisle so long I had not noticed the tenor of my sister's thoughts. At my silence, she looked about to cry, I realized in panic.

"Why are you so upset?" That sounded good.

"Before I met Bella I tried to convince myself that God had given me the ability to see the future in exchange for abandoning my past. Now I can't help but pray that I'll get some kind of vision in the back of my mind whenever I see her. I feel horrible for having that hope."

"Oh, my." That sounded supportive, I think.

"The first vision, when I remembered my little brother Jeremy, elated me. Finally I could claim a single moment from my mortal life. But I wanted more. When I got it with the vision of how I was turned……..the having more haunted me."

"I don't understand," I sighed.

"Edward, now that I know how much I loved my human family, it makes me feel like a horrible person that I forgot them, and that I can't find any trace of them. It disturbs me that I don't remember a single thing at all about my sister. And it makes me feel even worse when I find myself deliberately touching Bella hoping to get a flash. When Sue Clearwater commented that Bella did not like to be touched I felt ashamed."

"If your touch discomforted her, Jasper would know. And I think I could tell. She likes you. And what will finding your human family's grave accomplish?"

"I hope when I see the tombstones that my memories will return." She sounded so confident.

I couldn't tell her that going to their grave even if she did locate it, would make her feel every bit as bad. I had searched for my family's mausoleum when I had been in Chicago. I remember the pit in my chest when I had read the names carved in the marble but couldn't recall anything significant about any of them in my mind beyond faceless phantoms. And seeing my own name carved by theirs with blank dates had disturbed me even more. I had wept in that moment, wanting with all my might to open the tomb and crawl into death's embrace. I remember falling to my knees on the marble and flattening my palms against the unforgiving marble of my parents' crypt.

Starched Shirt Edward peered down at Mary Alice with a woebegone expression and quietly said, "Don't tell her that story. Our history does not have to be hers. And it would only make her feel worse. I wonder if she hopes her family was turned." I nodded in agreement.

"Oh, I see."

She continued on as if I hadn't spoken, pain in her voice, "And considering I loved them that somehow my memory did not return and lead me to them stings. Now that I remember them I should be able to recall more, shouldn't I? Is that how it worked for you?" Pleading eyes implored a truth I could not give. And I refused to give her false hope.

"No." her shoulders slumped. Awkwardly I patted her hand, "I remember, I think, feeling that they loved me, my human family. But Carlisle told me that my parents loved me very much when I was a newborn and upset so I don't know if that helps." I couldn't tell her it ached to see them.

"But it seems like the visions that you've had from Bella led you to remembering things when you are awake?" The hope in her eyes tore at me.

"Not quite. I managed to put things together like the pieces of a puzzle from memories that I've experienced during the visions. When awake I have not been able to unlock any other of my own human past. Perhaps that's why I've been so eager to fall asleep near her, so I'm every bit as guilty as you are." Somehow that thought galled me. I was only supposed to be using her for her scent, not for her visions. That seemed wrong.

"I've seen how your touch keeps her from being terrified Edward. So you're not using her. I can't make the same claim." Her voice sounded small.

"You've spent hours looking for her future, and that has to count for something."

"But I don't see anything helpful about the red-eyed people."

"But you tried anyway. I think that you also make her feel better. Also, you comforted her in the hospital when she first learned about her parents lying to her about her brain injury and you brushed her hair. I thought that was kind."

"I had to do something to keep my hands busy." My sister seemed determined to dismiss her sincerity.

"When we've talked lately I always feel better because you usually have something wise to say. I wish I could offer you the same. I regret that I did not recall my relationship with Carlisle when I awoke. That must have hurt his feelings." I was a horrible brother, simply taking what she had to give. I had to try to help her.

"Edward, you're too hard on yourself. I understand, I think, why Carlisle held his silence but I disagree with his decision."

"Did you know?"

"Oh heavens no, Edward. I'd have told you if I did. I think Carlisle felt that if he told you that he'd be giving up hope that you and I would recall our memories. I saw him struggling with a decision these past few weeks, but he never made it so I had no idea…..I know when he saw Benedict's ring that he made a decision that he was going to seriously think about his family's past. I saw that. I didn't see you as part of that vision. You are, I think, the only one that understands how I feel. And that's enough."

"But I can't help you solve your problem."

"Sometimes problems can't be solved. I feel better thinking about the things you pointed out to me. I've been using the computer to stare at pictures and nothing sparks a memory that I didn't have before I was a vampire."

"I think you should keep trying." I definitely knew the value of that. I lived by it.

"I suspect you're right. Would you mind if I talked to you about this from time to time? I feel better sharing it with you." She patted my hand. I knew that Jasper really didn't want to talk about his memories, recovered or otherwise at the moment. We were all tip-toeing around him as if he were a stash of nitroglycerin ready to explode. Her thoughts were filled with pain for her mate's suffering and love for him.

"Of course, Mary Alice, you can always talk to me." This whole talking to siblings honestly when not being lectured was new. I kind of liked it.

Let's go hot stuff." She nudged me off the log. "We should snatch a bite to eat on our way back. You can pick the prey."

I led the way through the trees as we ran turning the land around us into a blur thinking of my singer's started face as I'd lifted her against me on that frozen day I'd changed her fate, and her scent of course, counting the seconds until I'd see her again.

As I changed at the house after showering, I caught my eyes red-handed looking around the bathroom seeing the top of the cabinet empty of her things. She had left the toothbrush Mother had bought for her. I put my fake one in the holder beside hers feeling a tiny glimmer of satisfaction. Also, I had ordered a second set of all the hypoallergenic products that sat lonely under the counter waiting for her to return like sulking children. My hands reached out to caress the hard plastic of her toothbrush. It belonged here. Her teeth, too. Of course properly attached to her body that is. I wasn't some totem collecting serial…..scratch that. Drat. Well, I'd never collected totems and I wasn't….any longer…….Besides, I wanted her body. I mean, I wanted her at my side as she should be, having been designed by Nature to appeal to my supernatural senses. And I missed her drool that she usually left me at night on the right hand side of my shirt. I never heard of anyone cherishing saliva. That made me unique in the universe. She hadn't drooled on me during our naps. I missed that.

This sleeping in separate parts of the city at night nonsense was unacceptable. It ended now. It was about time I took decisive action, I thought, as I watched the movie with quiet Jasper and his wife later. I'd blocked him from feeling anything out of the ordinary from me, and his mind indicated he wasn't particularly curious about snooping tonight, either. If I planned on killing Billy Black at some point in time, then I could sleep with my human. I mean, rest chastely in the same bed with my singer. I simply had to figure out how to ask her, "Would you mind if we slept together without engaging in sexual intercourse for comforting purposes until such a time as I convince you to marry me? And then have lots of marital relations after we are properly wed and I figure out how not to kill you when climaxing?" That didn't sound very appealing. Scratch that, parts of it did sound appealing to me, aside from all that killing business, but I somehow suspected the appeal would not be received well by my singer. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward agreed it sounded stilted. Too wordy. Mary Alice kicked me out halfway through the show saying, "Edward, I think you've lasted as long as you can. Go to her." I waved at Jasper and left, grumbling to myself that I wasn't fit company for anyone mortal or immortal lately.

I glowered at the trees and bushes and sword ferns as I stomped to her house feeling like the unjolly green vampire. Her bed was too small; and lumpy, despite the new mattress. I wanted to be able to sprawl in splendor, I mean, lay there quietly inhaling her essence. From her blood in a purely proper vampiric sense, most assuredly. And I enjoyed waking up in her arms; I needed that ritual every morning. How would I ask? Talking to her did not become easier when I thought about that whole "be my sort of real girlfriend" business silly antiquated human cultural values dictated I had to instigate because I was the man. I could keep her father from the room easily, I think. It frustrated me so. How could I comfort her properly if the red-eyed people came in her mind? She had needs, too.

Stewing, I climbed into her room and sat in the rocking chair on the other side. Emmett had perched in a tree within range.

Emmett said at vampire pitch conversationally, "Hey Edward, what did you think of that tattoo business?"

"The practice or the individual?"

"I don't know which ever you want."

"I'm glad you are here in case they show up. The one with the tattoo has a skeevy look about him."

"I'll say," Emmett agreed pounding his fist into his palm.

How gaudy. The man in Liam's drawing looked like he most definitely had 'issues'. And provided she was guarded, I wouldn't mind helping him work them out in a permanent manner. Jasper had insisted we all carry Zippo lighters on us at all times. I'd Zippo Mr. blonde dream terrorizer the second I saw him. No one stalked my human, skeevy, or otherwise awake or unconscious. We sat in silence listening to her heart and the serenade of the evening rain.

That night wasn't as bad as I feared. It was far worse. I used my power to block the door from any being, mortal or otherwise, that might want to enter, the window, too. Since my heart remained silent, I spent most of my time pacing, glancing at her from time to time.

Emmett joked, "Edward you're moving so much you're going to wear a path in her carpet. Relax."

"I'll buy her another one," I decided as I paced at vampire speed. When the nightmares started as I knew they would, I tried to use my voice to soothe her and at first that helped. It forced me to act, although I had to do so without her knowing of my presence. If she woke up and found me standing over her crooning that she was safe and all was well, she'd think me a deranged stalker, for crying out loud. And really, the only things I intended to stalk were the red-eyed people who terrorized her, Billy Black who coveted her womb the vile creature, maybe Jacob, too if he misbehaved as I suspected he would. That's all. I had the moral high ground. As I swung around to pace to the opposite side of her bedroom, I caught a flash of light coming from her bed.

"Dream Edward?" I stopped mid-stride and pivoted to face her beaming face. Fantastic. I wondered what delightful message Genevieve had to bring now that she acted as the grim reaper of memories galore.

Bitterly, I thought to Genevieve, _"I already know how my parents died being a doctor twice over, so if you plan on serenading me with that, you can spare us all the time."_

What was she going to do to me now, give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

"Yes, my heart?" I used a loving tone. I was Dream Edward, after all, the sly bastard.

Coiled on the bed like a cherubic rattlesnake pondering which body part to bite first, she stared for a few moments tilting her head studying me. "Grandmother wants me to tell Emmett something." Humans have that odd phrase about how when frightened their 'heart is in their throat.' In actuality, increased stress causes the organ to beat rapidly and the aorta's location at the base of the neck produces that sensation. Emmett did the vampire version of that, non-beating heart and all, grabbing his collar in anticipation, straightening his frame as if ready for a blow. Now she had my, and unfortunately venom-gulping Emmett's, attention as I lowered the force field allowing him into the room. He leapt from the tree to the window sill, and remembered the destruction she had wrecked on his Jeep with his head in retribution for that practical joke. Emmet thought, _"Jeez, I'm really really sorry Bella's Grandma. Scout's Honor."  
_

He tiptoed all 250 pounds of muscle into the room wearing an uncomfortable expression on his face as if he'd swallowed a pit full of cranky alligators. Live ones.

Two minutes passed in an uneasy quiescence as she gazed upon us with ancient eyes. I decided to hurry things along, "My sweet, Emmett now stands right beside me. Why does Genevieve require his assistance? What can we do for you this fine eve?"

It seemed to take her a while to think. Five minutes passed in silence as she lay in bed suspended in Genevieve's web.

"So is she going to talk or just sit like that meditating and shining all night?" Emmett whispered.

"I don't know." The uncommunicative environment conveyed everything but tranquility. I expected vampires to burst into the room screeching at any second. Rose searched outside and said, "While you two talk I'll do a quick sweep of the area. I don't hear or smell anything out of the usual." She sprinted into the forest.

Lowering to a twinkle, the medallion created small patches of light that resembled fireflies at dusk dancing around her body, glimmering in the moonlight. Since my singer emitted energy the entire time and appeared pensive, we assumed she would recapitulate after Genevieve finished chewing on her ear. As the silence stretched out, it became uncomfortable standing in the room waiting for something, anything, to happen. Haltingly my singer recited, "Grandmother says he listens better now that he's been taught manners." How such snide words could be conveyed in such dulcet tones stunned us both. My singer pursed her lips and appeared puzzled as she listened to voices we could not hear. I snorted. So now Genevieve wanted to direct her loving attention at Emmett? Fine. As long as I had my singer and could supervise their interactions she could talk to him all she wanted. Perhaps they'd get along better.

"Not memory Jasper." Slowly, my human recited each word, while rubbing her head as if it pained her with a shaking hand.

Emmett and I glanced in bewilderment at one another as he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Beats the heck out of me what she means." To my shining human he implored, "I'm sorry, could you be clearer Bella's nice Grandma?" Another five minutes passed with all that glowing business. The only noticeable difference is that the fireflies zipped around her twice as fast and more seemed to hover around her head.

"Edward, what is it?" Emmett smacked my shoulder casually.

"Our Dream Edward conversations had never lasted this long."

I sat down on the edge of the bed and took her jittering hand in my own, "Bella, are you in pain? You seem to be struggling." She had only shaken in the past when she had a fever and she felt awfully warm now. While nodding "yes" at me she spoke then. Two large tears ran down her face. She didn't appear to be upset, and her blood pressure had spiked. This must be pain that caused her to cry. I cradled her hand and caressed the back of it. "You can stop now. I can't bear to see you suffer."

"Whitlock Jasper Mexico." The words seemed torn from her as if each one were a lash and we flinched on the delivery of them. This seemed wrong somehow. She shouldn't be in discomfort. I used my handkerchief to catch her tears.

When my right hand connected with her head, I felt this jolt of power course through me and actually, it rather hurt. I held onto her hand with my left, shoving my own sensations aside. My headache would have to stand in line. She came first. Genevieve was getting on my last nerve. I tried to send whatever power I had to heal my singer and green fire sparked from my fingers and raced down my arm that held her hand and spread to cover her body. Her blood pressure immediately lowered. The sooner this ended, the sooner Genevieve would be on her gloomy way.

In a clipped voice I coolly replied, "Yes, we already know that Jasper spent time in Mexico. What, pray tell, does that have to do with his vision you sent of his entire family dying while he stood by and said nary a word?" I wanted this conversation to end quickly, she was turning pale.

"Didn't." Her eyes squeezed shut in a grimace.

I started stroking her hair, my actions kind despite my tone. "You most certainly did send him a vision we all felt it. And if the 'didn't' you just said is meant to imply that he personally did not slay his family, we already know that as well. Aaron slaughtered them based on Jasper's memory." Emmett mentally wondered how I knew that and I realized belatedly I'd just violated Jasper's privacy. But still. Now she attempted to undo a vision and back-pedal? Typical. _'Contrary capricious confabulator,' _I muttered in my mind rather than out loud. I couldn't hurt my poor human's tender feelings. Her shrewd Grandmother, on the other hand, was fair game. And by the forbidding look on my face, Emmett knew better than to pry about the Aaron business.

"Think. Not Jasper." Her voice stuttered on the last word, and she grasped my shoulder with her free hand and shook me as if trying to capture my attention. Her hands sent sparks that shot into me unexpectedly. With what sounded like a roar, cracking bolts raced from my hands to the floor and surrounded the bed in a verdant ring of fire.

"Edward, what in God's name are you doing?"

"I have no idea," my voice rose over the noise.

Emmett moved to the window and shut it and the curtains to avoid waking the neighbors with the odd rays that seemed to glow from us both. Thank God Mother had insisted on installing blackout drapes when we had redone the room.

Jugurtha tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Remember what Hezekiah taught us about focusing. Think only of her. Stare at her as if she were the only thing in the world that matters. Let the power flow through you. Don't fight it." Good man. I shut my eyes and the fire roaring around us lowered a bit and became darker in color. My brother stood outside of the circle.

"Bella's Grandma, are you saying that Jasper didn't witness his family's death when he was a vampire?" Emmett asked incredulous.

Beatifically beaming her delight, my human nodded enthusiastically. "Uh-huh."

Emmett saw red. Genevieve had trounced on his last nerve, too. "Look lady, we both apologized for the joke we did the other day to Edward. It was stupid and childish and it risked Bella's safety. And I understood when you had me smash my Jeep. You wanted to show me how it felt to see something I cared about destroyed without being able to stop it. We get it. We really do. But Bella's Grandma, sending that vision was downright mean. Why'd you do that?" If Emmett really knew what had happened in the first one he would have been screaming in rage. Currently, however, he appeared intimidating enough, and Aaron's name could be easily explained away. I was definitely not telling Jasper's secret.

Emmett stopped for a moment and shook his head; fists clenched and stared at the vessel that conveyed Genevieve's mangled Morse coded missives in ire.

"You know, poor Jasper's been thinking he sat back and listened while his entire family was massacred and never lifted a finger to help them. Have you any idea what that feels like? We do. Jasper is an empath, Mrs. Swann. Can you imagine how much harm that vision has done to this family who has only been trying to help you and your granddaughter, because you hurt them, too. His pain in ours. What did our Mother do to earn your wrath? Our Father has saved Bella's life multiple times as had Edward. What about them?"

Emmett was on a tirade and had only begun to swing. No sound came from my startled human as Genevieve listened to him rant, "Vampire emotions are stronger than human ones. Because of his power, we've had to keep Jasper away from Bella, thanks to you. And that's one less immortal to protect her if she's attacked." I don't think I had ever heard Emmett speak this much, ever. And I'd never seen him that angry. And he actually appeared threatening as he raged and paced shaking his fist at Genevieve. I think he needed to attend law school next.

Halfway through his rant, she started to cry. The particles of light flying around her halted and stared in outrage and Emmett before rushing around her like a halo. I glared at Emmett and gathered her into my arms, "There, there, we're very sorry about all that shouting, aren't we?"

He glared at me defiantly across the flames that rose to waist height but didn't appear to be burning the floor. "No, actually we aren't. Screw the jeep. You can hurt me all you like. I'm standing on principle. We're really trying to help you out and you need to throw us a bone. You managed to send us a letter and wasted the time and opportunity spouting insulting limericks at Edward. You need to step up your game, lady. Cause from where I stand you might be mean enough but you're not smart enough to play with immortals."

Three very long minutes passed with my singer weeping into my shirt while glowing and feeling strange in my arms. I couldn't tell if it was her or the medallion but I felt hot. Then cold. And then more heat as I cradled her in my arms, rocked back and forth and said, "Bella, dear, all will be well. I'll protect you." Emmett leaned over the flames once he realized they wouldn't burn him. He put his palm on the back of my forehead and said, "Edward your temperature is abnormally high even by human standards." And his nose twitched as he said in shock, "And no offense, but man, you're sweating." This was new. I'd perspire later, and ordered Jugurtha to add studying anti-perspirants to our list of chores for the day, I sniffed, and deodorants. She, while blazing hot to the touch, did not sweat.

Emmett watched me try to calm my human dispassionately. His thoughts indicated he adored my dear little one. Her Grandmother? Not so much.

"I know. I don't know why. She is, too." Hot that is, not sweating, unfortunately. She had never cried this long, ever. I did not know what else to say besides, "There, there." And that didn't seem to be helping much. Jasper had suggested to me on that icy day in February when I had comforted her to ask open ended questions. Frankly, I did not want to draw Genevieve out, hoping she'd slither off and leave us in peace. My human huddled against me. I didn't want to be the recipient of her drool this way. It didn't seem right. Or her tears. They might smell nice, but surely, this was becoming excessive.

She lifted our joined hands and shook them emphasizing each word, "Grandmother really says she's sorry. …..Needs to rem…..ember." Her voice sounded contrite and looked pitiful stumbling over the syllables. She suddenly moved her lips but no sound emerged. One hand grabbed at my shirt, the other her throat. I hated to see her weep and brushed the tears away with my fingers saying, "Shhhh. Hush now. I understand. Please be calm." Genevieve was definitely dragging her body along a path of broken glass on the road to hell.

"How can Jasper remember what you say he didn't see?" Emmett was working up a temper and sounded as exasperated as I felt. And he wasn't helping. And seeing her suffer frayed at my temper. Emmett's body lifted from the ground for a second. I wondered why he was twitching on his toes like that and waving his arms about as if trying to catch his balance. Shaking my head, I returned to trying to calm my poor miserable human pushing away my irritation at my brother.

My kind tone stood at odds with the words that spilled from my tongue. I couldn't upset her any more, "Emmett, I know you're upset at Genevieve, but please don't bellow at the messenger. Yell at the sky instead. Genevieve, I think the time for our charming little visit to end is here. She's been through enough." I heard a thunking noise and Emmett expelled a sigh and started pacing again.

Genevieve deserved our anger. Although I was surprised, as the apology from my singer's lips did sound repentant. Considering the rude tone of voice he had directed at my poor dear little one, I expected Emmett to start unwillingly flying around the room any moment and wondered why he wasn't being slammed on the floor a time or two.

"Important," she whispered into my shoulder and kissed my chest as I caressed her hair.

The sooner I finished playing Genevieve's nightly drama, the sooner my piteous dear little one would be free….and we could work on her aim in kissing, too. I pulled away from her, gazing down as she lay in my arms. "Fine. I'll bite. Whose memory are you sending us if it was not Jasper's?" I broke in, stroking her hair as my hand emitted a heat stronger than anything I'd ever felt. It did not appear to disturb her. Silence reigned again for a full minute as she struggled to find the words. My human acted petrified from fear, started to wheeze, and clutched her chest. In a voice so soft we had to strain to hear it she whispered, "Skeevy."

* * *

**AN: So Edward went a bit overboard and took out all the bridges in the area of the park he keeps dreaming about her being terrorized in, intending to have them replaced with studier structures. Alice and he have a chat about his eco-terrorist habits, exposing the family potentially with his out of control behavior, and how to deal with the visions Bella conveys. Edward can't stay away from Bella's room and leaves to guard her for the night discussing strategy with Emmett about what they would do if they ever found the skeevy venom tattooed red-eyed dude. Genevieve decides to pay another visit to clear the air. If you check out my profile on this site, you'll see a picture of skeevy.  
**

**Please review if you can. Dream Edward is smoldering at you. **


	30. HOD pt 19 Be Still My Beating Heart

**Heart of Darkness – Part Nineteen – Be Still My Beating Heart **

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. ****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta. And as ever to Fantasy Mother for being my beta through thick and thin. This chapter goes out to Sariedee, Ladyjumana, Sarapride, MyBrownEyes, and most especially to June. **

**AN: When we last left the story, Genevieve, speaking through Bella, implied the vision of Jasper's family dying had not been from Jasper's perspective. We start this chapter back in Bella's bedroom with Emmett and Edward standing over her and Rosalie outside patrolling the area. And just for clarity purposes, The Cullens at one point in this chapter are going to start speaking in an obscure language. You should assume that every conversation and thought from that point in this chapter between or said or thought by any of the Cullens as being done in that obscure language. **

**I have put links to pictures of some of the characters or scenery that I use while writing on my profile, along with a playlist. If you're visual like I am, you might find it helpful. If you like music, um, hope my all over the place taste doesn't freak you out. Books  
**

**

* * *

**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Nineteen - Be Still My Beating Heart **

"Christ and all the Apostles," I seethed, wrapping her in my right arm. To distract her, I caressed her upper back as I reached for an epi-pen on her desk with my left and jabbed it into her arm at vampire speed. Discombobulated, I neglected to swab her arm with an alcohol napkin. Grumbling, I realized I'd have to watch to make sure she didn't develop an infection, or with her luck, gangrene, as I attempted to rectify the error.

Bellowing at Genevieve had suddenly lost its charm. "Who in blazes is Skeevy?" Emmett asked at vampire pitch.

"That's the nickname I used for the man in the picture that Liam drew, remember, the blonde chap with the venom tattoo?" Turning to my wheezing singer, I said in my best Dream Edward voice, feeling like a hypocrite for drawing out her discomfort with courtly pronouncements, "Let me make sure I'm clear, my dearest heart." It seemed appropriate to kiss her temple and stroke her cheek with my fingertips, especially when she gazed at me with hope that tore at the soul I no longer possessed. Dream Edward would behave affectionately like that, and he'd sound poised and act gallant. With my fingers, I brushed a lock of hair away from her too warm face. "Your Grandmother sent us a memory from the leader of the red-eyed people that Liam drew?"

The asthma attack worsened as she solemnly agreed, "Yes." Jumping like gnats trapped in a jar, the twinkling bits of light swept around her. For the first time, the medallion's abrupt illumination forced Emmett and I to close our immortal eyes. Then her form slumped against me. I peered about in confusion because white patches obscured my vision. The medallion dimmed to the level of candlelight. We turned to examine my singer who had captured my regard. The not breathing part definitely ensnared our attention, though. Her lack of a heartbeat, however, sealed the deal. I couldn't lose my human. I hadn't even asked her to marry me yet.

Appropriately galvanized, I moved so fast I literally blurred in front of Emmett as I started chest compressions. He blurted at vampire pitch, "That can't be good," and moved to delicately cover her mouth with his own. Inside, it felt like someone had taken all of the lightning in the world and crammed it down my throat, stuffing their hands over my face to prevent it from escaping. From Emmett's perspective, a wolf-like conflagration exploded surrounding me with hundreds of waving electric eel-like tongues: four feet long ones, five inches wide. They were white mixed with dark green that hissed, writhed, and crackled sending sparks both green and white, bouncing and ricocheting around the room. Her necklace had a dull shine.

Emmett shut out the fact that when one of the tongues or sparks hit him he could feel a jolt of power that hurt, focusing on breathing for her instead. Fortunately, he performed mouth-to-mouth with all the care of neurosurgery. I heard him think, _"Edward can't put his mouth on his singer like that he'd definitely kill her, and I was totally right on her not tasting good to me. Um, sorry Edward. Dang nabbit her lips are hot...not hot like that hot....Edward...they burn. And if she's not back up in fifteen seconds, I'm getting the portable_ defibulator._" _

I nodded in agreement. Although I certainly wanted her alive and breathing, she might have found it distressing had she come to consciousness with Emmett's clammy lips on hers, in her dark bedroom, in the middle of the night, with both my hands on her chest. Prudence dictated I should attempt to send her to sleep the second I re-started her heart. We couldn't have her frightened, despite that dying business.

"Hezekiah, you gave me every power in your line, now would be a good time to deliver on that promise," I spat at the sky. I was better than any defibulator, thank you very much. The flames shooting from me made no sense and my brain smarted as I desperately reached for any shaman power I could harness in the dark corner of my brain where they crouched like sulking gargoyles. Her medallion flickered and all that trapped lightning rushed through me into her still body through my hands. The force sent me to my knees as I cried out in pain as thick garlands of green fire flickered from my fingertips. Sparks that burst like 4th of July fireworks scattered around the room making popping noises. The earth trembled a bit and I shook my head at it as if to say, "Not right now, I'm in the middle of a "scent"-antic singer-crises here."

At the moment, the energy flowed from my fingers into her, Emmett yelped. As if pushed by the hand of God, something dragged him across the room to the window. Despite me being on my knees, the flames continued to pour into her and surrounded her burning body. A few spilled over from her fingers and toes and landed on the floor creating a white ring of fire within the green ring that already burned. The flames were different after they initially started to blaze. They transformed into the round shapes like fireflies and circled us to the point that you could barely see what lay on the other side. I observed this as part of my vampire brain read Emmett's mind and dismissed it. I had one thing and one thing only I needed to do. It felt like some force of Nature seized my jaw and forced me to think only of her. Nothing else mattered as her heart began again and she coughed, gulping in air.

Prowling in a clover covered clearing in the Quinault rain forest, I heard Rosalie decide she needed to return to the Swan residence to check up on us. She didn't know why, but a little voice in her mind told her something was wrong with my girlfriend. Wistfully, she thought, _"I guess this is what Mother's intuition feels like, not that I'll ever know." _The ringing of her cell phone and Emmett's voice on the line motivated her to sprint.

My Quileute powers, damn them to hell, began to sputter of a sudden, the green flames disappeared from the floor and the color drained from me. Then the white light stopped, too. I thought I heard a sound like a slamming door, and stiffened, ready to grab her and flee. Expanding my senses revealed nothing unusual aside from Rosalie rushing at an impressive rate through the forest.

"Did you hear that?" I glanced around the room scanning for any threat.

"Hear what?" Emmett was still worried about the "Skeevy" comment.

"I thought I heard a door slam."

"Not in this house. Charlie's snoring away like a buzz saw. Maybe those dog powers let you hear farther away than normal and you heard it in another house?"

"I thought I heard it in this room." On that word, her body began to violently shake again and her hands clutched her throat. She seemed to be trying to scream but no sound came out as she thrashed. Brushing trembling hands against the cotton of her gown on her shoulders, I implored as I moved her hands away, "My Queen, . . . please we have journeys to plan, and flowers to gather." At the sound of my quavering voice, her body stilled, her lids snapped open and she froze. It appeared no one was at home in my singer-land as she wore an alien expression with soul-less appearing eyes. When last I checked, her eye color resembled a medium shade of walnut. Perhaps that similarity explained the hours I spent staring at my desk made of the same wood when away from her. Even odder, however, the entire surface of both my singer's eyes kindled violet, the sclera included. Whereas mine appeared like burning malachite flames when activated by the shaman powers, hers seemed like the shimmer of the moon magnified with the heat of the sun as it spread to cover her body. Merely glancing at them stung, like dirt in the eye.

I could not discern if Genevieve still attempted to communicate through her. Considering they had the ability to send me putrid prose and inefficiently spluttered incongruous messages hurting my poor little bottle cap in the process instead, I had a right to the burgeoning outrage in me. She was mine to have, to hold, and to protect. In addition to nearly killing her, harming her breathing, now they altered her natural beauty, for crying out loud, not to mention frightened the soul back into me. Violet Singer placed her extremely hot to the touch hands on mine, entwining our fingers in an iron grip and demanded, "Who are you?" She managed to burn my skin while asking, although not so bad I was willing to drop her hands. I refused to show weakness, despite the fact I thought I could smell my flesh burning. I couldn't squeeze back, although the hands that held mine used a grip so strong, my girlfriend never could have replicated it.

At the sound of the voice and pain in my hands, I stilled and stared and adopted my usual tranquil expression I showed the world when I needed to think. At four year's past a century mark, I felt a bit too old to shout for my human mother. Nevertheless, for a second, I wanted to cry her name and cower as fear coursed through my mind snatching the speech from my tongue, shivering up my spine. Emmett gawped for me, and thought, _"Ok, that's freakishly weird and it doesn't look like she's in there. Maybe I made her Grandma so angry she's paying a personal visit and messing with us?" H_e moved from the window and walked to where he could better see her face.

The commanding voice that had come from my singer was lower than her own pitch and, most definitely, not hers. Alarmingly, her scent changed to something that smelled woodsy, like a birch tree. Worse, the words the voice used were not English, rather a peculiar accent using the Oscan tongue, a precursor to Latin long ago spoken in Italy. The color of the light that emanated from her dimmed quickly before blazing again, causing her body to jerk. Desperately, the voice entreated, "What have you done with her?" The jade in the medallion around her neck flared and pulsed in time with her heart. Impossibly, she squeezed my hands to the point where it hurt more than it already did. Perhaps in hindsight, I lost my composure.

The mere idea of multiple people inhabiting and fighting over my poor singer's body in some supernatural tug-of-war sent my temper raging. The blank mask melted to be replaced with the fiend that I truly was. Meaning every moment of menace, I moved my face closer and glared into the foreign eyes of Low Voice Violet Spirit. At vampire pitch, I snarled in Oscan, "Aside from bringing her back to life, cherishing her every moment and guarding her from all threats? Nothing. Madam, I don't know who you are, but you definitely inhabit the wrong body. If you hurt my bride, I will hunt you down and personally destroy everything you cherish. She is weak and your presence threatens her existence. Begone."

Careful not to shatter the bones, I shook our burning hands emphasizing the last word. I do not think I had ever used such a contemptuous tone with anyone in my life. By the livid expression on her face, I suspect none have ever used one with the gorgon. The medusa image seemed rather apt at the moment as my singer's normally thick behaving itself hair stood up like serpents waving in the air. I called to the powers and only just avoided yelping as my upper face burst into flame, causing her to start in surprise, quickly covered with a sneer. I suppose she thought it was some kind of parlor trick. She was about to be heartily disappointed.

Rosalie climbed into the room to join her stunned into silence mate. They both worried their shy brother couldn't deal with whatever the heck that was and rushed to help. Emmett thought to himself, _"I thought he was kinda scary looking when he fought with them over killing her, but this....damn...my shy brother has untapped depths. And those freaky wolf powers...dang. And that ain't her Grandma. No offense, lady, but she sounds like she could give lessons in mean to the likes of you."_ His concern for me mounted at that notion.

Rosalie and Emmett thought the fire that now completely covered my upper face added an ominous touch. I opened my mouth to continue the lecture, growling for emphasis as my sister planned to defend me. With a snarl, and ribbon of flame, I signaled to her that I would handle this.

Jugurtha snapped, "Proceed with caution. This phantom has more strength than any being we've ever seen. She could be the female in the group that stalks our dear little one in her dreams."

Starched Shirt Edward agreed entreating, "We have to remove that presence without harming her. The longer that demon is within, the harder it will be. I've studied exorcisms. We can do this." Since meeting my singer, I'd experienced all sorts of different powers in visions, with the Quileute gifts, in conversations with Hezekiah. Nothing had ever felt this way. The ancient force radiating from my singer rattled her thin frame feeling icily cool and blazingly hot at the same time. She now had an inky-at-the-edges violet aura surrounding her with green blazing from the center of her necklace, pulsing in time with her rapid heartbeat.

Somehow my siblings knew to keep silent. Emmett thought to me, _"That looks like a different colored version of the force field you made the other day. Whatever you're going to do, you better do quickly."_

Listening to the advice thrown in my way by multiple voices distracted me for a crucial second. The visual display of me appearing to be engulfed in flames accounted for my siblings' inattention. Low Voice Violet Gorgon's gaze flicked to the World map that we had put on the wall tacked to a large bulletin board opposite her bed. My singer and I had placed straight pins in every location that we had virtually toured over the past few days. She had attached vibrant hues of embroidery thread to the destinations that we both liked using strands left over from her Grandmother's supplies. Each brightly colored path had originated in Forks. Low Voice Violet Gorgon stared at the map for a fraction of a second, and then moved her focus to the picture that hung directly below. Taken in an old section of the forest, Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho stood behind her and rested their arms affectionately on her shoulders as she beamed a joyful smile. By the similarity of their features, you could tell at a glance they shared blood.

With a gasp, Rosalie's movement galvanized us all. Following the glance of the spirit, Rosalie snatched the picture from the wall. Emmett tore the map down from the board, scattering pins and threads everywhere. It had only lasted a precious second, but our absorption cost us dear. Low Voice Violet Gorgon offered up a cold smile as she eerily scrutinized our features. "Youngling, you will deliver them to me hale and hearty or I'll do far worse. You have but one sennight before we hunt your kith and kin."

Jugurtha said, "That old bat has to go. Focus on our singer's spirit because that's the only way she could have taken control since her mind is closed. We need to shield it."

At the ultimatum issued by the stranger using my singer's lips, primal rage swept through me. In a polite voice I answered, "Good luck on that madam. It's time you were on your merry way and ceased harming my bride. Allow me to show you to the door." The answering smirk on her face seemed to say, "I dare you." How could I not accept such a challenge when the prize was my very own cherished bottle cap?

Squinting, I stared past her physical form and imagined the spirit of the actual woman in my arms. What I saw appeared to have a raven clutching it fiercely. Imagining my power as the wind, I pulled within myself for every bit of energy I could beg, borrow, or steal. In my mind I called upon the memory of every Quileute I had squirreled away in my brain with a mental howl of rage. Perhaps because they were facing a vampire they decided to cooperate so speedily. I know not how, they simply came. Like fire on a fuse, the green flames stormed from my eyes and fingers through her body and spirit with the goal of pushing out anything that nature didn't put in there in the first place.

Low Voice Violet Gorgon hung on with tenacious claws and clearly did not expect the surge of power I walloped against the raven's unprotected head. Or the second. Or the third. The shape of the raven changed, flickering into a small woman who stood behind the pure spirit of my bride hanging on for dear life changing her grasp with each blow to remain in place. She stared at me with desperation and violet streams of fire surrounded her sizzling into the spirit of my singer. That's when I believe I really lost my temper, or perhaps the ancient Quileute powers that lurked in the background watching without helping decided to finally join in on the fun.

In that second, something else sprung forth from me, something far more angry and ancient than myself filling me with strength. Low Voice Violet Gorgon especially did not like the fourth attack because that packed more punch than the first three combined. I must confess in that moment I felt persnickety and decided to overlook her female status as chivalry dictated I protect my prey, I mean my woman. And Rosalie told me it was ok just this once, to mentally hit a girl. Clearly, the antediluvian shrew wasn't prepared for the next crushing blow given. Violet Gorgon behaved as if pole axed. Now that I thought about it, the power made her hip length black hair wave around her like medusa, too. How appropriate. And what she was doing to my poor human's hair was criminal as her actual hair mimicked the crone. Her current coiffure gave another reason why batty-crazy-supernatural-woman had to leave. I couldn't have my singer looking like that. I had standards.

As Violet Gorgon's desperate shrieks of anguish sounded in my ears, I ripped her long fingers one-by-one from the spirit of my singer. Simply to rub salt in her wound I behaved casually as I used one final effortless-appearing push. Truth be told, it hurt as much as my transformation to wield that force. With a dolorous scream that poured from my human's lips, Violet Gorgon left, quite unwillingly, might I add, as I flicked her into the night, refusing to give her the satisfaction of screaming in pain. She failed to yell anything like, "I'm melting," or "let's do lunch," on her ignominious, but well-received exit.

The necklace still emitted light, but the light from the green stone had snapped off the second I evicted the spiteful spirit from my little bottle cap's battered body. In my imagined cloudless sky, I stood with the spirit of my human, and visualized yanking the real her into my library and slamming the door shut and locking out the phantom, and putting a ring of green fire around her and my family as Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha guarded the door. Starched Shirt Edward had a Louisville slugger baseball bat white-knuckled in his hands and made hesitant swings at the door, lips pursed in concentration with the tip of his tongue sticking out. Jugurtha took it from him, "Give that over before you hurt yourself." Turning to me he said, "This is really going to hurt. Double the shield," he barked. With a moan, I complied.

Rosalie, even by vampire standards, was quick with the waste paper basket, and ignored that the malachite ring around us had doubled in thickness, intensity and height. Emmett took my human's body from my grasp as I fell sideways to the floor and vomited blood into the receptacle held by my sister who caught me. Out of nowhere, invisible hands yanked me into darkness, as I heard my siblings yelp and felt Rosalie's arms around me before I lost consciousness.

Leaden lids lifted. Lying on the ground, the spongy trunk of an immense moss-encrusted tree pillowed behind me. Blinking still hurt, as with burning eyes, I tried to see in the dim light. The mammoth trees appeared blacker, the verdant moss brighter. A small waterfall bubbled, meandering through viridian dusted rocks to my right, soothing my ears. I'd been all over every inch of the area, and I'd never seen this place. Rather than the yellow of Hezekiah's haven, the moss here varied from the gray-green clumps that clung to the branches alternating with vivid emerald green hues that sanguinely sprawled across the soil and rocks. Every square inch I could see of every rotund tall tree had the stuff blanketing it like Jessica Stanley on a new student's first day at school. I could sense, but not see my pet. We were in her abode.

Despite my burning hands, I realized I felt cold for the first time since transforming, and a small fire surrounded by white rocks appeared at my feet, warming them. A force lifted my weary shoulders from the tree, and wrapped a soft blanket that sprung out of air around them before gently resting me back in place against the wood. The same force held out my hands and after glowing a darker green than any I've ever seen, they no longer hurt as much. Something patted my shoulder and grazed my cheek, almost like a mother would to a sick child. The blinding pain in my head reduced to a throb. "Thank you," I whispered. She patted my head gently, and held up a lock of it as if to say, "Get a haircut."

Staring at his own blanket and sniffing the fabric in appreciation, Jugurtha said, "This is an interesting change of pace. Have you ever thought that perhaps the spirit isn't solely located in the mind?" I was too tired to smile at his pun.

Starched Shirt Edward said through chattering teeth as stood two feet out of reach of the fire's warmth, studying it. "What do you mean? You require the mind to nourish the spirit."

Jugurtha walked up to a fallen green log near the fire, patted the moss next to him, and gestured to Starched Shirt Edward. He scurried to take the seat like a little brother following his sibling's lead. The Predator tucked the blanket more firmly around Starched Shirt Edward's shaking shoulders and said, "Yes, but what if the spirit is also manifested in energy that surrounds the body? Given her closed mind, that could explain how Genevieve is able to access her. Even better, it could explain how since she's in a weakened state, the Violet Gorgon hijacked the connection. Neither one required access to her mind, merely a portion of her spirit. Wouldn't you agree Miss Quileute Pet?" He addressed the flames which flared five feet high and took on the evergreen hue I'd seen a moment before. "We thank you very much for the fire, blankets, and shelter. I believe you have definitely earned a proper name, don't you?" The flames blazed even higher.

We couldn't name her if she already possessed one. That could offend her. "Do you already have one?" I inquired. The flames lowered to mere inches.

Starched Shirt Edward tossed at me a small book from his pocket that had the ceremony of exorcism in it. "I would try this to keep all demonic spirits from attacking our poor dear little one." For once, I accepted the book, pocketing it in my shirt. It couldn't hurt. "Jugurtha is correct; you could try to shield her skin for the rest of eternity. And I don't feel right calling an older woman of any species a 'pet.' It sounds undignified, so she definitely needs a name since she hasn't told us one. I say we call her Miss Grace." It had a solid ring to it.

Jugurtha clapped him on the shoulder firmly and said, "Good idea."

"It was my grandmother's name," my voice sounded with the longing for my long dead family; "I know that must have been you back there helping us. Does the name Grace agree with you?"

The flames doubled in size. "I'm honored to make your acquaintance, Miss Grace." I lowered my head in respect as Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha simultaneously bowed.

Turning to me, Jugurtha explained, "Remember the shield we accidentally made during Jasper's first vision? It kept our family members from touching us although it was small enough they could move us. Why not use the same idea but try keeping the shield blocking both ways and only put it around her? She couldn't reach out with her spirit if that is indeed how they are connecting, but they couldn't get to her, either. And since it's a smaller one, her being dainty and all, it wouldn't take up too much energy." Excellent point.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Since we've never faced a demon this strong, I say we put up another shield or two around it." The fire chirped in agreement. I slumped face forward into the coals and woke up back in her room leaning against the wall, facing her bed. I pulled a straight pin out of my trousers staring at the magenta thread in my hand. Emmett shook me saying, "Buddy, hang on there, you're going to be fine." He held the full of deer-blood vomit trash can in his other hand. I waved it away. She lay in repose with heart beating correctly and lungs wheezing with asthma. The shield I had left before passing out was still in place.

With Emmett's taunt to Genevieve needing to improve her tactics ringing in my mind, I opted to heed his counsel. "How long?" I asked in the Tagish language. Since it is a nearly extinct language spoken by an indigenous group in the Southern Yukon, it seemed appropriately random. We had lived in Alaska so long, and had found it a good use of our time to learn the dialects spoken in that region of the world if only for our safety to ensure I could read the inhabitants' thoughts. Tagish was about as far away from Italy you could get. Part of me, nevertheless, felt like we were worrying about the alligators after failing to drain the swamp.

"How many fingers am I holding," Emmett asked in English waving two in my face. "Can vampires stroke out? I think he forgot English." He turned to Rosalie, fear in his voice.

I waved an arm in the direction of the bed and mildly said in Tagish, "Two. No, and I remember all my languages, thank you. Until we know who is in that body," I pointed to my singer, "prudence dictates we should speak obscure dialects and not use names."

"You were out about a minute," Rosalie answered in Tagish and glanced up from the nebulizer, "And, bravo, big brother. I agree." I nodded, although my doing so made the room swim. Rosalie continued, "I called our friendly neighborhood doctor who is on his way. Dear, please get the oxygen from the storage closet, he's fine. The ring stayed in place the entire time you were out. I don't think anyone attacked." Suddenly Rosalie had become even more brilliant and almost a mind reader.

Emmett said, "We need to talk about this."

From the floor, I held up a palm, "One moment, please." My head pounded more than I'd ever felt. I actually had double vision for a minute. Ordinarily, Rosalie was intimidating enough. In her current foul mood, seeing two of her made that effect even worse. I shut my eyes, took in a gulp of air, and shook my throbbing head. Peculiarly, the muscles in my hands burned. I concentrated on taking the barrier I had developed and splitting it in half. A new ring of fire emerged and crept towards us.

"What the heck are you doing?" Emmett kept his voice steady.

"Trying to make a shield for her soul. It won't hurt us." The ring passed through our bodies and surrounded her form. I stood on shaky legs with my brother's assistance. I placed my hands on her and spoke Quileute. The spells I remembered were chants requesting specific aid to the spirits. I could do that. Hezekiah had warned me that I should always ask politely since they could always deny me aid. "It would be ever so nice making the shield contain her own spirit within while keeping that demented violet-eyed demon and her cohorts, and any other vampire for that matter, from having access to her or sensing us. Pretty please?" I felt the power double in my mind and bent over, holding my head in agony as Emmett caught me. Jugurtha put his hand on my shoulder and Starched Shirt Edward the other one. With Emmett lifting me; suddenly the pain wasn't as bad. Jugurtha said, "We can do this for her. We must do this for her."

Concentrating again, the white aura shining from around her became faint and shrank; trapped within a thin translucent green force field I had created three inches from her skin. I did not have any human memory of having a nosebleed, so it caught me off guard when it started. Blood ran down my lips and chin, much to the consternation of Emmett and Rosalie. My singer had just been possessed by some Violet-eyed soul-hijacking demon and a little bit of slightly bad-smelling human blood made their eyes widen? It's a good thing I was conscious again. They all needed me.

I then realized I had still left her unprotected from her maniacal relations. That ended now. "Until we can assure her safety, no other human spirit, or entity therein can penetrate the shield, except for me." I felt another wave ricochet against my mind which screamed in pain. And now we definitely couldn't let humans see my singer as the fireflies popped through the green barrier that coated her skin to create another one. They were out in force bouncing like possessed hailstones against the grass-like bottom shield while hitting the clear new one above that gleamed with every impact. Starched Shirt Edward had wanted two primary shields, and I opted to listen to the scamp. The external green ring blazed back to its original thickness and height.

Everything went black for a few seconds and apparently I wasn't important enough for any spirit to harass for the time I was unconscious, nor did any long dead relation feel like chatting. I came to lying on my back right beside the bed, parallel to my singer. Rosalie conscientiously dabbed at my nose with a handkerchief and, thank the stars above, she did not look hungry as she tried to stop my nosebleed. The nebulizer rattled in the background, as Emmett sat behind me on the edge of the bed. He held the mask over my girlfriend's face and arranged the oxygen tubing in her nose. At Father's suggestion, we had modified her closet when renovating and had built a secret compartment in between the floors. We had stored extra medical equipment for just such an emergency. They had opened it while I had been unconscious to retrieve the oxygen tank and tubing. On her desk, the portable defibulator that I had hidden under her bed stood at attention.

In a tone that actually sounded concerned, Rosalie said, "Edward, I've never seen a vampire bleed before. Are you in pain?" Fortunately, my blood did not smell appetizing to either her or Emmett at the moment as it was tinged with a top note of singed wolf power. I didn't mind having my sister pinch my nose holding a handkerchief to it and tilt my head back as long as I could reach up from the ground and place my hand on my singer's through the force field and think. The second I came into contact with her my hopefully Gorgon-free dear little one's fingers, my head felt better.

In Tagish I answered, "It's of no importance." I ignored the little detail that becoming a vampire according to Carlisle made our skin almost impervious. Almost. Rosalie thought, _"If he can still speak Tagish, he's fine."_

With my mind racing far past vampire speed, I thought of how fragile my girlfriend was like the Avalanche lilies I'd placed in the bouquet I'd brought her. Fuming like ignored girlfriends, the wilted posies stood with their back to me in a vase. She'd moved them from the kitchen to her desk. I'd have to gather more for her. She deserved flowers every day. I turned to my siblings and said, "I think I've shielded her."

"Can she still hear us?"

"I don't know. I hope not. It's a double shield one for that voice and the other for any other spirit, and a third ring for all of us." I added in Quileute, staring at my singer, "She's scared enough as it is, please let her rest and not awaken for hours." The shield winked at me for a second or two as if to say all was well. Emmett and Rosalie decided they needed to learn Quileute in order to keep track of my putative sanity.

Emmett whispered at vampire pitch, "What was_ that_?" he tilted his head down in the direction of my girlfriend. Now when his hands touched her body they literally disappeared from view because of the shield. To them she appeared like a mummy surrounded by spritely fireflies or miniature shooting stars. I said in Quileute, "Allow my family to see her, please? We need to treat her." The light became dim enough that we could detect it's presence but see her form. And the fireflies refused to budge flying around happily bouncing against the shields.

She seemed stable for now. "I'm thinking we made the unhappy acquaintance of the red-eyed people."

"Oh man, that is not good." Emmett declared the obvious. Concern on his face he said to his mate, "Sweetheart, you and I both know that thing saw the map with the threads leading to Forks. They know where we are." Emmett warned. "We have to get out of here." Emmett in his mind saw the actual face of the Violet Gorgon woman, as did Rosalie. I have no idea what our fight looked like from the outside, and at present, no desire to find out as my mind was overwhelmed with concern for my human.

"I'm not leaving her."

Emmett stared at me as if I were a small child in need of repetition in simple directions at tying shoes. "Edward, seeing as you claimed her as family, and we all like her too, I would never suggest that. You're still out of it." He forgave me before I could beg his pardon.

Rosalie found a satchel in my human's closet and at vampire speed collected clothing, books, and whatever else human females hauled with them when visiting others or fleeing vampires. My nosebleed finally stopped. I crumpled the bloody handkerchief into my pocket.

"How long, until she's stable enough for us to travel with her?" Emmett repeated the question.

"Half an hour at least," Father answered in Tagish as he opened the window, parted the drapes and hopped to the floor. His eyes widened when he saw the tall ring of green fire burning before him. "It smells like a pine forest exploded in here." Rosalie and Emmett sniffed saying thinking Father's senses were out of sorts. "That's my power that you can sense."

"It's ok to walk through it." Emmett called to him. "So this ring is protecting us too?" Emmett pointed to the outer ring that still blazed.

"I believe so."

Emmett said, "Since Edward used his powers to block us from the room during Jasper's first vision, I think he can protect us if anyone unsavory shows up. We'll have to talk with the family about all this." Father had been about to ask for an explanation before a wheeze from my singer distracted us. I summarized her medical condition with Rosalie adding in points that had happened while I'd been unconscious.

"We got her breathing again so she'll be fine, right?" Emmett sounded worried, turning to his wife.

Her scent had returned and magnified ten-fold, and I was becoming hungry. Either that, or I now had a drooling problem. This was not the opportune time for me to run out and pounce on a bite, especially if that bite was her; I gulped back a mouthful of venom. "Her fever is growing," I said.

Taking one look at my green and black irises, Father collected two bags of deer blood from his bag and tossed them to Emmett. Considering the room still spun, it did not offend me. I didn't like having to feed in front of my human, conscious or not. Emmett helped me to the ring by the window. I turned my back to her while Father worked and used my power to drink at all speed, stuffing the empty plastic in my pocket, while Emmett made sure I didn't fall face forward on the floor. Emmett and Rosalie found my rate of consumption one that aroused consternation. Emmett said, "You now are officially HooverWard. That was impressive. Even Jasper couldn't drink that fast. I can't wait until you show him."

I could smell the evergreen strongest here, and changed the subject, "Was it just me, or did you all smell that strange scent like birch coming from her when that Violet Gorgon was speaking?"

"Awesomely appropriate name; and yes, I smelled it, what about you Rose?"

She nodded, "I've never seen anything like that before, Edward. I'm proud of how you behaved. That was very brave."

Father said, "Who is Violet Gorgon? And should we worry about the other occupant of the house, given the noise of the nebulizer?"

Emmett said, "Tell you in a sec. And I really was serious when I said I soundproofed the room. Edward, why not make her dad sleep like you do with her? We'll fix the bulletin board and picture. You still look bad. Have a seat in the rocking chair." He pushed me toward it. Good idea.

Down the hall, Charlie, bless his dim little heart, snored away rustling from side to side. In my mind, I walked to his room, opened the door and aimed my hand at him. Apparently my singer was not the only human I could send to a deeper state of slumber. Even better, it took a fraction of the amount of time to knock him out than it usually did with my singer and I could do it from a distance. That was either a testimony to her unique mind; his dim one, or both. I couldn't wait to test this trick on Jessica Stanley. I opened my eyes to see my family staring at my glowing hands. "I think he'll sleep the night through."

"Excellent, I need to clean out this trash can. The things I do for love, brother," he joked on his way out the door.

On the positive side, my singer breathed easier and her heart rate returned to normal. On the not so positive side, she now ran a fever of 102; although it was down from the 104 it had been a few moments ago.

Father said, "We can treat her from home. I'm open to suggestions on how to handle her father. I don't think he'd take her current state very well. Turning him is not and never shall be an option. And you still need to tell me who the Violet Gorgon is." Even Carlisle had standards, it seemed.

Rosalie said, "That'll take some explaining. Do you mind if we get her settled first? It would be best to tell everyone at once. He is very tired and has used so much power he vomited. We'll need his feedback and I don't want to tire him out more than necessary because he's maintaining a shield to protect us all." I liked how she avoided saying my name in that exchange; and if it weren't for all that fighting with odd immortals business, would have thought I was hallucinating at being complimented by Rosalie.

Giving me a concerned look, he nodded as he worked on my singer. Rosalie continued, "Her father didn't even check to see she was in bed before he retired. They still aren't speaking to each other. Why not leave a forged note saying she's spending the week with us?"

Entering the room with the now clean trashcan that smelled strongly of bleach, Emmett guffawed as he placed it back on the floor under her desk, "I don't think her Dad would ever dream that vampires medically attended his critically ill unconscious daughter while he slept unawares and spirited her from the house. He lacks the imagination." We all snorted; and yes, when I did it, that hurt, too.

My brother rifled through her desk and found a handwriting sample from a sweet letter to her pen pal in Spanish describing the Olympic peninsula's charm. Using her pen and notepad, he produced a believable facsimile that said, "Dad, staying at the Cullen house for the week to study for exams and beat them in chess. Bells"

Thirty minutes later, we stopped the nebulizer as her lungs had improved. I no longer felt as dizzy. Father and Rosalie pronounced that I would continue my undead existence to the relief of all after a quick fully-clothed exam. I don't care if I was on the edge of death; my sister was not seeing me unclothed, ever. The outside temperature had dropped to 40 degrees, and I did not sense anything beyond normal within my range, nor did Grace. Rosalie and Emmett straightened the room, and sealed and covered the hidden trap door in the closet's floor. Many a night, while sitting in the rocking chair, I'd fantasized about snatching her into my arms and fleeing into the woods. In every one, she had been awake and quite willing. And unfortunately clothed.

As I hurtled to the ground, I couldn't help but think that I had never envisioned it would happen quite like this. Both my girlfriend and I beamed colored light like beacons. Worse, her green night gowned form lay in Emmett's arms, instead. At present, he looked straight off the cover of one of those inane paperback romance novels that Lauren Mallory read while pretending to pay attention in English. Adding the coup de grâce in my trifecta of humiliation, Rosalie had to hold me in her arms as we exited the window. Father closed it properly as he was the last one out.

With the onset of the storm, the moon shrouded her pale form beneath layers of thick clouds, black furls against the velvet sky. Thankfully, the massive Sitka spruce tree that guarded my girlfriend's window and the ten foot tall hedges squatting behind it provided shelter. We dashed in formation to the sanctuary of the thick forest. I had insisted on trying to run, although Rosalie trailed right beside me, like a human parent chasing her toddler. And I let her.

Wishing I could turn the powers to stealth mode mentally in Quileute made mine flicker off, although I could still feel the shields in place. And it had the added bonus of impressing my family when I told them, "We're still shielded. I think I found a way to turn the lights off, well, some of them." My singer's medallion, damn her, cheerily glowed away, winking at me in defiance. More fireflies of power, much to Carlisle's surprise, awoke again. They started shimmering around us, orbiting the invisible ring of green flame using my singer as their sun. As we sprinted, they completely surrounded us in a white spinning pearl of light necklace. Women. Always having to make a grand exit, and be different from everyone else.

We reached the house without incident in minutes. Father lifted me by the neck up three flights of stairs like a mother dog with her puppy, when my legs wavered. Once I saw her placed on our bed and covered with a sheet, I breathed easier. Mother didn't ask why we insisted on speaking in the Tagish language. Rosalie made sure the shutters were closed, not that there were any humans around our house that could see. But one could never be too careful now that Violet Gorgon had spoken. Speaking of freakish events, I realized we'd have to inform the entire family, and frankly, felt talked-out for the decade. Mary Alice and Jasper listened to a symphony in their cottage. They kept their distance to protect my human. We had built their cottage out of hearing and Jasper's power range to afford them, and us, privacy. Given the news we had to give him, I'd rather he be far away from my singer when he heard, so we told the story without including them to our Parents. Or I should say Emmett and Rosalie told the story.

First, Emmett and Rosalie told our Parents about the other voice. Emmett's description of my skirmish consisted of, "Edward totally owned her in about two minutes flat. And the hoity-toity woman said we have to deliver them to her. I think she wants Bella's dead family because she saw them in the picture." Father's face became guarded, remembering the venom tattoo of Skeevy, noting one hadn't been visible on Violet Gorgon. "We'll speak Tagish for the first few hours and then we're going to switch to a dialect from another continent." That sounded appropriately paranoid and devious. Father continued to surprise me. I hadn't given much thought to that whole being related by human blood to one another business, but clearly we shared some traits.

Father said, "Do you recall when I had you learn Oscan and Umbrian?" It was one of the things he had done during my newborn years to pass away the time. I had learned both tongues quickly. I recalled teaching it to my then high-strung Mother and later my slobbering siblings, well at least Rosalie and Emmett had fit that description in their newborn years. Jasper had been the quickest one to grasp it.

"Yes, you told me that I might need them one day," he'd never elaborated beyond that verbally or in his mind.

"Oscan was the language spoken by many, although not all, during the vampire wars. In our world, it was equivalent to how ecclesiastical Latin would be to a Roman Catholic. Few speak it now, aside from the very powerful; such as the Volturi, and older covens like the Romanians, Russians, and Egyptians. Almost as many of the older vampires used the Umbrian tongue and both languages used the Etruscan alphabet letters to write. Some of our earliest vampire historical texts, well, the ones that I've seen, are composed using those languages."

We froze at that.

"So you wanted us to know it in case we met the Volturi?"

"Not quite. Although they won the Vampire wars, or "The Rising" as they prefer to call it, their victory scattered the rest of the survivors who refused to surrender from the other armies across the world. Those groups have been hiding ever since, licking their wounds. Out there, you have two types of covens. There exist the ones that make their presence known to the Volturi and submit to their laws. Then you have the "lost ones" that hide and have successfully concealed their existence for centuries. The operatives I described with the venom tattoos that work for the Volturi have been hunting those groups."

"We've never heard about them finding any?" Rosalie asked.

"You wouldn't. The Volturi don't want to advertise that there exist any vampire covens that refuse to follow them, or worse, ones they can not even locate. We are supposed to report to them any new coven of vampires we encounter. Make no mistake; the lost covens have been slowly building up their forces. The Volturi, in turn, have been preparing for another war. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if I learned one of the lost covens provoked the Southern Wars as a distraction for the Volturi from their own activity."

That whole fallout from the Southern Wars unpleasantness underscored why we rarely socialized with other immortals. Jasper, with his venom scarred body, would attract undue notice. Since the Volturi had been quite eager in rounding up the leaders they captured of all the covens that had fought in the Southern wars and executing them, we didn't want to expose him to risk. The only lie he could claim was that he'd been mauled by newborns, which sort of, appeared true.

Father continued, "Oscan and Umbrian may be dying tongues to the external human world, children, but both are treasured by the older vampires as a symbol of the glory and might they once represented when our race had larger numbers. And they hang onto it because both are considered the language of the legitimate leaders and the aristocracy. I wanted you to know it in case you met a very powerful older vampire so that by using it you could keep yourself alive if he or she decided to attack. Also, it makes you appear good, given your young age, that you bothered to learn it and speak it flawlessly."

Marvelous. I'd just offended the vampire equivalent of Cleopatra. Or someone just as elderly, and mean as a starving snake. Perhaps I should start a war or two to round out the day?

"So Edward threatening it wasn't a good first move?" Emmett asked.

"It might have been the only thing he could have reasonably done, and since he obviously had the force to push the spirit away from her, it might buy us time for them to reconsider attacking. Even though I was not there, I can guarantee you that she did not expect him to succeed. The older you are, the more your gifts grow. Compared to her, Edward is an infant. For him to be able to evict her from Bella's body that quickly, and with that amount of power without a scratch on him, should definitely catch that immortal's undivided attention. Did she have a visible venom tattoo on her face?"

We all said, "No."

Father considered his words before speaking and my mind wailed at his thoughts. "Our leaders did not wear tattoos. Nor did the royalty, and rarely the women. It was the unmated soldiers that wore them."

"Was there a requirement you had to be single?" Rosalie asked.

"Not everyone survived the process, dear, and if the soldier was mated..." Father's voice trailed off. "They learned that the hard way, I'm sorry to say. Marcus was the sole exception. He did it out of loyalty to his men. I don't think Violet Gorgon is the one in Bella's dream, although we can't be sure. When she's awake, we'll have to ask her if she ever smelled birch during her nightmare. Also, we'll have to get a sample of the wood from Emmett's supplies if she doesn't know the scent. This immortal could have been one of the quiet ones in the background that Bella never identified individually because she did not recognize the scent."

"So why does that mean she wouldn't be in the dream?" Mother asked.

"Soldiers and servants search for minor things like humans. Leaders and members of the aristocracy would never waste an instant on a human, much less search that long."

"She spoke with a tone like no one had ever denied her anything in her life. When Edward first told her to get out of Bella's body, the expression on her face of outrage was priceless," Rosalie said.

Father declared, "We're not giving Bella up to anyone, obviously. We also don't know why they want her."

Mother said, "Why not simply move? We'll leave a note saying Edward and Bella eloped and we're taking a second honeymoon and take her with us."

I liked the idea of leaving, the eloping even better, but not so much having to explain why we were taking her with us as the whole, "By the way, I'm a soul-sucking demon and I'm addicted to sniffing every part of you I can. And I find myself wanting to suck on your neck and any other major artery I can imbibe 24/7, and other parts of you that I'm too much of a gentleman to mention. But I can dream. Oh, and your demented relatives have unleashed other soul-sucking demons on us all. Given how horrid that side of your family tree is, please tell me your dingbat of a mother was an orphan? Marry me, my Queen."

"We can't leave." Astonished faces turned to Father. He said it forcefully.

Quietly I added, "Paula is the only wolf." This was the last thing they ever expected to hear; considering we'd been run out of town on a rail the last time we tried to aid the tribe.

"We never promised to defend them in our treaty, and who is to say they'd be attacked in our absence?" Rosalie cautioned.

Holding my pounding head, I said, "Rosalie, we're better off finding out what the secret of the O'Shea untapped power business is. If it does exist, perhaps we can use it. No matter how fast we run, it makes sense that if I could smell that spirit's scent, that she could smell ours. Even worse, she might have inhaled Bella's. If that is true, even if we left and ran, they could track us by scent. Now, we've been duly inspired."

"I think we're going to have to be taking lessons from Jasper in the immediate future in fighting techniques," Rosalie said gloomily. "And I hate to say it, but I will since she's not here and can't be offended. Why didn't Alice see something like this?"

Morosely, I admitted, "That's my fault. She cannot see anything that has to do with my Quileute powers. Since I was using them when this happened, there's no way she could have known. And she's very sensitive about it right now." I confessed to the ground. Although I liked the privacy, I hated exposing my family to harm. We needed Alice's gifts to work. Sometimes. Like now.

Father agreed with a resigned expression, "We definitely are going to have to act starting now. When someone issues a threat in Oscan, it's usually written on a formal declaration of war tacked onto a dismembered body part of a cherished family member." His voice trailed off. He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't have to.

What in the blazes was going on? She was just a simple human girl with indescribably wonderful-smelling blood and lunatic relatives who occasionally felt the need to pen putrid prose and send elliptical random messages that made sense only to them. Visions, too. Why couldn't I find a boring singer? One I wasn't tempted to toss to the ground and have my wicked way with, too?

Starched Shirt Edward soothed, "God never gives you more challenges in life than you can handle."

Anger suppurated, spilling over, "Outstanding. That must be why he made me immortal. I'm so far behind I really never will die."

At the glare on my face, Father patted my arm, "She appears to have stabilized for the moment. We will figure this out in time. I'm going to ring up a few old friends. It's time we tried to find out about the venom tattoo."

"How are you going to do that without mentioning her?" I regretted blurting those words immediately. "My apologies, Father, I'm out of sorts."

"Understandably. I'll tell them Alice has had disturbing visions." He handed me a bag of blood and a vial of pain killer. "Try mixing a dose in here and let's see if it can help your headache. With your heart beating and other symptoms, you never know."

I held my tongue. I wanted help, obviously, but not the kind that would get her bit with venomous teeth help. And the medicated blood was positively inspired. I dosed myself immediately.

"Do you think you will have to contact the Volturi?"

"Not yet, but I might have to. And they are in the country at present." We shuddered when we thought of Los Angeles.

"I thought they left last week." I shook my head.

"They've been going to each major coven to remind everyone of the laws. Sooner or later, they'll stop by. We might need them, sooner. And this is definitely something that we would by law have to tell them about." The storm that had been brewing struck right about then, sending the wind howling through the branches of the trees outside. Lightning and thunder added to the noise.

"What if it's the Volturi that hunt us now?"

"I spent decades living with them, and they consider me a brother. They would never harm us. And if I had something they wanted; they'd ask out of respect, rather than simply seize it. Not to mention, I wouldn't give them Bella. I'd definitely give them Genevieve, Liam and Jericho's caskets in a heartbeat." Father said. He'd never told them about any of our talents and they hadn't asked, his thoughts indicated. And the idea of giving Violet Gorgon Genevieve's rotting corpse, Liam's too, was hilarious.

If the Volturi appeared on our doorstep, Father would literally have to bite my singer on the spot in order to spare all our lives. But if they were the red-eyed people, it wouldn't matter. They'd kill us, anyway. And I had no idea what fate they would give her. My stomach churned in disgust at the notion. I couldn't lose my singer. If we turned her, she wouldn't be my singer any longer, so said Tanya.

I could not imagine a world without my girlfriend. I needed to touch her, to feel her, and take in her scent almost like a human required air to live. Carefully, I lifted her hand while mentally I reached out all supernatural eyes on alert for Skeevy Red-Eye, and/or Violet Gorgon, as I'd dubbed the Low Voice spirit. My family blinked as the green fire around us all that blazed in the room started growing in height and thickening. Although specifically listening to thoughts in the 50 mile radius I had become accustomed to; it surprised me to realize my ability had broadened a bit in terms of range and depth. And this time, I specifically made sure to listen for anyone's thoughts that made references to exploding into dog form unexpectedly, or speaking in ancient tongues. I ordered Jugurtha to constantly monitor for any signs of danger when I was otherwise occupied. He penciled it into his schedule with a nod.

Mentally, I said to Grace, whatever she was, "I appreciate the help you've given me. I'm worried about hoards of elderly angry vampires attacking us, my girlfriend, as well as the tribe. Could you warn me if you see anyone sketchy that causes you concern?" A pulse in my mind and the flames jumping three feet in size momentarily, I think, indicated agreement. "Could you sense the power that invaded her body?"

The flames went higher which I interpreted to mean, 'yes'. "If it would not be too much to ask, if you have any way of protecting her, could you? Not only is she beloved of the tribe, but she's the most important thing to me in the world." The flames reached the roof.

Pulling me from my thoughts, Father asked, "Edward what is this?"

"I'm trying to link with my pet, who I've named Miss Grace, to listen to whether or not we have any vampires traipsing about the area."

Father reached back and gingerly touched the flames finding that he could pass his hand through them; although they now felt hotter to the touch than they had when he'd stepped through them in my singer's room earlier. He moved in and out of the ring as a test. "It's uncomfortably hot for a moment but not too bad. A human couldn't get through. I don't think it would allow a strange vampire through without causing significant damage." I hoped we wouldn't need to find out.

"You should have seen him when we did CPR. All of a sudden, I felt this 'boom' and his hands turned so bright I couldn't look at them. She came back right then," Emmett said.

"I see. Did anything significant transpire before she crashed?" How to answer that one.....

Emmett said, "Yeah. I sorta fought with her Grandma."

"Since Bella is not dead, I am assuming your altercation was verbal rather than physical?" Father's frigid tone indicated his displeasure. "How did that occur?" Father sounded exasperated.

"I know it sounds bad, but she kind of totally deserved it." Emmett told him everything. I couldn't seem to form words right these days. My eyes couldn't help but watch her chest inflate with air, timing the seconds in between each wheeze my burning hand resting on her collarbone and shoulder as I sat behind her holding her against my chest putting her head under my chin. My fingers comforted me moving with the beat of her pulse. Unfortunately although I hadn't vomited it up, the medication in my system did not work, and my head continued to hurt. Either that, or it was working, which was even worse.

Rosalie thought to me, "_Edward, I know you had the wits scared out of you today, but you are radiating heat, and we need to break her fever. Let her lay on the bed until your body cools." _Gently, I released my Fake Girlfriend, and Rosalie covered her with the sheet. I moved to the opposite site of the bed where my temperature could not impact hers.

Father said, "So, somehow Aaron separated from the bunch that turned Jasper and joined the red-eyed people led by the venom tattooed one you have named Skeevy?" Father thought my morbid sense of humor charming. "I can't imagine the Volturi, or any elite squad taking on a newborn unless he had some sort of astounding talent. Usually, you have to work for centuries before they even consider allowing you to be in their presence. In any other situation, they'd simply kill him to prevent him from attacking humans and exposing us."

"Exactly." There I managed to speak. And it made sense. Sort of. "So what kind of power do you think the Volturi would value?"

"All covens collect vampires that have unique gifts that help in defense as well as offense. The only way we'll know whether or not Aaron had the potential for power is to ask Jasper what his friend was like as a mortal and hypothesize. And it still strikes me as nonsensical that these powerful vampires have been haunting the Swan family for generations and haven't managed to find them." He left out the thought that every coven on earth would sell their Grandmothers to have me in it as well as Alice and Jasper, and reminded himself to talk to me about not showing my powers if we met any nice strange immortals that weren't after us, or my girlfriend. His thoughts turned to Jasper.

Jasper was.....not going to take the latest news well. But at least it got him off the mistaken belief that he sat there and smacked his lips while listening to his family perish in that disgusting vision. Genevieve, no doubt, was mean as a pit viper, but even she clearly had her limits. And I was proud to have Emmett as a brother for standing up to her.

Father said, "We are going to have to tell Paula everything when she awakens. She's going to have to decide what best to do to protect her tribe."

Mother said, "Paula doesn't have a scent, Carlisle. How would immortals even know the wolves existed? I don't see how our problem has become theirs."

"Bella's scent is all over the Clearwater's house. If whoever that was managed to catch her individual scent, then the Clearwaters have a serious problem headed their way."

We quieted at that notion.

He called the cottage on his cell and said to Jasper, "Might I have a word in person with you both?" The understatement of the day, indeed. They met outside far enough away so that his abilities could not reach anyone in the house but we could all still hear. Standing in the pounding rain, they ignored the storm.

Paula snored, oblivious, a floor below in a guest room. In that sense, she and Charlie were perfect for one another.

As best as he could, Father and Emmett explained the latest fiasco with Violet Gorgon and in particular, Genevieve.

Jasper expelled air he didn't need and closed his eyes for a moment thinking of Skeevy's face. "Lord, I am so going to kill that son of a bitch when I find him." I had to hand it to him, Jasper had a vivid imagination and he sounded like he meant the threat.

I remember once hearing him talk about famous generals in history. He had said, "The really great ones never issued a threat, because simply making them means you're an amateur if you fail to follow up on it. The ones that threatened and followed through, now those are the ones who knew how to use power effectively." Over the years, in all of his thoughts about the Southern Wars that I'd heard, I'd never once heard a memory in which he threatened anyone without following through. At my thoughts showed that rather than talking, he usually simply acted, lethally, might I add. Skeevy had better pray I got to him first, because I do think that Jasper probably, as much as I hate to admit it, would have been far more creative in administering punishment. His current thoughts supported that theory. Vividly.

We started because Jasper never swore in front of his wife. And I had expected him to be more than a bit upset at Genevieve. He wasn't even moderately perturbed at the idea of cranky elderly venom-adorned immortals on the prowl showing up in Forks in a week. He simply wanted to kill one of them more than the others.

"My apologies." He said to his mate formally. His thoughts indicated he worried more about offending her than fighting ancient vampires. If Jasper was more afraid of his wife's ire than Skeevy and his buddies, perhaps I needed to make a mental note to never incur _her_ wrath. My brother was scarily courageous and from his thoughts, exceptionally gifted at the killing business.

"He did not stop what happened and deserves the slur." She squeezed his hand. "I'm so sorry."

Wearily, Jasper inclined his head staring at Mother's rosebushes, which reminded him of his family's house. "Carlisle, my first vision showed how the moment that I first awoke Maria threw me at human soldiers she had captured that were under my command. One of them was my best friend, Aaron. In the vision I turned him without ......even knowing. He's the vampire you saw in the vision killing my family."

"I didn't know." Carlisle's voice tried to comfort.

"Edward kept quiet?"

"You know your brother. He would not want to invade your privacy like that."

"Genevieve said I needed to remember, and I can not for the life of me comprehend how one of our nature could forget something that awful."

"I did some calling around earlier. Tanya and her sisters have heard whispers in the past of an immortal that had the power to alter memories. Irina said that all the covens scoured the earth for that particular vampire to have in their collection like that immortal was the equivalent of the Holy Grail starting around 1570 in France." Apparently Jasper had met that mythical vampire, an opponent who defeated him so badly he or she took the memory of it with him or her on their way out the door. Now _that_ was manipulation on the immortal level, Genevieve. You could learn something from that.

"Tanya and her sisters said that the practice of the venom tattooing spread to having each clan develop their own coat of arms, vampire style. She said 99% of the time if you saw someone with a venom tattoo it was one of the soldiers. They are compiling pictures and descriptions of every venom tattoo they can remember." Considering the company they had kept over the past few millenniums that should be a very long list.

"She gave us seven days, correct?" Jasper laconically asked.

"Yeah, I'm not ashamed to admit she does the whole scary voice routine really well. She had eyes like she's killed people for whims, you know?" Emmett added.

"What else?"

"What do you mean?" Father asked.

"What were her exact words? I need to hear them." Jasper said. All three turned to Emmett.

"Youngling, you will deliver them to me hale and hearty or I'll do far worse. You have one sennight before we hunt your kith and kin." Emmett did a good impression of her.

"The phrase 'kith and kin,' in English dates back to the 1300's and was originally used to mean 'country' and 'relatives' in English," Carlisle said.

"Great, so she declared war on the entire United States as well as Forks? That's just dandy." Emmett grumbled, "Considering Edward smacked her around so easily, I'd like to see how she intends to do that. Since getting all those freaky wolf powers, the kid's starting to grow up. He did us proud tonight."

Mary Alice said, "He's over a century in age, Emmett, he left the kid years behind decades ago, but I agree that he's blossoming. It's remarkable to see."

"Did the Violet Gorgon tell how we were to deliver Bella?" Jasper used a neutral tone, and mentally thought I had a hilarious sense of humor in nick-naming individuals.

"Jeez, Jasper, We aren't delivering Bella. Not no way. Not no how. In addition to the fact that it would kill Edward, Rosie's mighty attached to her and she's growing on me, too, even if she's human." Emmett thundered.

"I agree, but I need information to assess the threat. How were we instructed to deliver her?" Jasper's voice remained composed.

"She never said. Then she and Edward fought and Edward kicked her spiritual hindquarters all over the place."

I thought back to that moment. Even without us fighting, I hadn't the sense she meant to impart that bit of information. Typical woman. Threatening me and mine with all sorts of horrid fates, and not giving me a way out of it. Not that I was giving my singer up to anyone. But still. It would have been nice to know her demands purely for morbid curiosity's sake. And mental mocking.

Jugurtha said, "When you were fighting the Violet Gorgon's control slipped, and Rosalie and Emmett were able to see in their minds what she really looked like. They didn't see the actual mental battle, just a really nice light show on the outside and a flash of her real face. Relax, in that moment, in order to care for Bella, they needed to see what happened. I arranged it with Miss Grace. We didn't think you'd mind. If we didn't survive the fight, they needed to know what was coming. And they did get to see what the woman really looks like. Rosalie is drawing her face right now." I felt relieved.

"Next time, let me know sooner, so I don't really have a heart attack?" Jugurtha solemnly promised. I was going to have to give him a raise. Or an added name.

"Maybe a new title?" he called out, hopefully.

"Manager of Mayhem," sprang from my lips.

His chest puffed out as he looked down at my schedule and repeated the phrase. "I like that." He had a skip in his stride as he returned to his cave. Starched Shirt Edward chased after him and knocked on the stone asking if he could enter. My brother pulled my attention back to the conversation.

Carlisle said, "It's just like the older ones not to give those instructions to make you more frightened until the next time they hear from you. It's simple psychological warfare. And usually, they didn't bother to issue ones like the handing over of hostages. Instead, they showed up on your doorstep armed to the teeth. Vampires from that area and time were legendary for their savagery in battle. It was during the Vampire Wars that we suddenly started seeing immortals with powerful gifts to compensate. We never knew why, but more often than not, people turned from that area of the world had strong ones, more often than not."

"Why would they need weapons when they have to use their teeth?" Emmett scratched his head.

"The Southern Wars, from what I understand, were particularly savage because aside from using fire and explosions to incinerate vampires, you fought using your teeth to dismember the enemy, correct?"

Jasper nodded. Mentally, I recalled the fights I'd had during my rebellious years with the few immortals I had encountered. Killing them had been decidedly unpleasant, not to mention distasteful, even by my low standards at the time. I'd felt like I should have had a bone through my nose afterwards with the words 'dual species cannibal' stamped on my forehead.

Father said, "One of the things that happened in the aftermath of the Vampire wars is that knowledge was forgotten. There are weapons that can cut through vampire skin. The Volturi have them and destroyed all the ones they could find. They were very thorough. They went so far as to round up every vampire that created weapons, and hunted for them every bit as much as they did the leaders of the Southern Wars."

"So if I want a weapon, I have to find a lost coven is what you're saying?" Jasper asked.

"That, or call the Volturi and ask nicely," Father answered.

Father's words caused Jasper to think that he'd long heard that rumor and was surprised to hear it actually was true. Having a weapon would have made the battles he fought so much more efficient. His thoughts turned to his gift and he changed the subject, "Carlisle, I can't understand how I could do that to my best friend."

"Jasper, considering the strength of your gift, in all likelihood you probably awoke with the most intense thirst you've ever experienced since. It also does not sound like the people who turned you were particularly gentle about it. Do you remember the process of your turning?"

"Every second now is burned in my mind," Jasper croaked.

"Did she offer you any water?"

"No, why would she?" That question seemed nonsensical to Jasper.

"Because it speeds up the turning process for one thing. If you are hydrated, your body can pump the venom through your blood. If you withhold fluids, it makes the transition longer, not everyone survives it, and I suspect makes it more painful. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way with Edward. Because of his fever, I almost lost him."

Jasper's mind immediately filled with regret for the thousands of people he had turned in the same way that had been done to him, particularly the hundreds that hadn't survived the process. He'd always thought since the body expelled all fluids during the turning process that water wasn't necessary. Carlisle, Emmett, and Mary Alice held their heads in pain as he tried to calm himself. Oddly enough, they could feel the pain, but those of us in the room could not. At Mary Alice's touch Jasper's pain abated as he felt her love.

"I certainly can appreciate why you are devastated. That vision where we heard your family....."

Wiping his hand over his forehead, Jasper wearily sighed, "I have turned so many people that I feel like a hypocrite blaming him. And considering I transformed him in the first place, I can't hate him. Besides, if he's rational, he'll hate himself even more since the last voice we heard in that vision was my youngest sister, Susan."

Emmett said, "I'm sorry." What could you say to that, after all?

"She was his wife. Their three year old son died that night, too. He was named after me." I couldn't recall hearing an individual child's scream. Aaron either killed him while he slept or the poor child perished in the fire. We'd heard quite a lot of bones snapping. He could have killed him without biting him as well.

"Oh gracious, Jasper," Mary Alice covered her mouth. "I did not know."

Emmett reached out a large hand and clapped Jasper on the shoulder.

Jasper hunkered down so his eyes were level to his wife's, "Stop blaming yourself because you did not see this. Even if you had, there's no way it would have hurt any less." Mary Alice reached out her right hand and grazed his cheek, "You know I love you. Have I told you that today?"

He tried to comfort her with a smile, and explained to a fascinated audience his past. "Maria ran the largest coven in Mexico during the Southern wars. We weren't mates but we were," he paused uncomfortably. He slaughtered men and women for decades, and he can't admit in front of his mate that he had a past lover? Yet another sign my brother had issues. "I admired her mind, but I never loved her, and I know she didn't love me. I was her second-in-command, trained her soldiers, and planned our battles. She succeeded as long as she did because she took daring chances no one else would dream of executing, ones that I dreamt up. In her greed, she made some mistakes by deviating from my plans. She had taken heavy losses.

We needed new recruits, and I was on a mission to Corpus Christi and swung by Houston on a whim. We traveled through my family's land and I passed by my home only to discover it had burned to the ground. I left that night and found the letter in the archives." He neglected to mention the part about losing his temper and killing everyone in his squad and burning them on the remains of his family's house. I didn't think it my business to share with my family the mental image of him crouched over a large tombstone sobbing on the earth for hours before he stood, touched the top once and kissed it and left. He didn't look back once in the memory as he walked away.

"I never bothered to tell Maria goodbye, or why I left, and for all she knew I'd been killed. I'd never once defied her."

"Is there any chance that any one in your family was turned? We didn't see what happened in the vision." Mary Alice tried to appear hopeful and looked into his future and saw nothing about his family showing up, alive or undead.

"You don't know how many times I've listened to that vision trying to sort out what bones he snapped and how many. Even I can't tell you, but I doubt it from what I heard. And not from the historical accounts I read."

I made a mental note to Jugurtha, "We're going to have to listen to that vision over and over and count the bones. We'd know how they sound probably more than he would," Jugurtha penciled it in. Since it wasn't my family, although it would be difficult to listen to, it was the least I could do to help him. No one should have to listen to their family be murdered endlessly, trying to figure out if they had all truly died. I had to push anger at Genevieve away again. Muttering to the sky mordantly, I thought, "You know, you could have just tacked at the end of that poorly written limerick. 'P.P.S. Jasper, an immortal force containing your brother-in-law that you accidentally turned murdered the entire Whitlock family on July 19th, 1863 and burned their bodies and the house to ashes. Sorry.'"

I turned back to observing the conversation, "Aaron's group set half the county on fire that night. I broke into the State archives in Austin and read a letter written by a family friend, Mr. Brown, describing the fires. He was not the type to rattle easily. There wasn't much left of the bodies they found. And what they did......the bodies were ....he said wild dogs in the area had been biting at them and mentioned having to chase a few off. They buried my family in a mass grave. Because of that I never even thought......Susan's engagement ring and my parents' wedding bands and a locket of Aaron's were all I had left of them beyond the money they had hidden for me that the Yankees never managed to find." He reached into his pocket and removed a locket with a cannon engraved on it. Now we knew where her engagement ring had come from and Mary Alice and he wore the wedding bands. Aaron's necklace was for him like Sister Claire's knife was to me: a touchstone of humanity.

"Was there any other reason to suspect Maria?" Emmett asked.

"She had sent troops that had annihilated the families of other fighters in our coven, to make sure they had no place to find sanctuary or new soldiers in the case that they betrayed her. Also, she had a particular fondness for fire. I mourned the death of my family. I decided I was done with fighting. I met Alice three weeks later.

"So it's safe to say that you were well known?"

"Yes and no. No one but Maria knew my real name. She renamed me Rafael the day I awoke, and gave me her last name and we never spoke mine again. No one down in that part of the world or who fought in the Southern wars would recognize or care about the name Jasper Whitlock. They knew of my name Rafael, but they couldn't put a face to it because no immortal from the other side that ever saw my face lived to tell." He said that so calmly. And I hesitated to point out that clearly one immortal had and had lived to tell. I wondered if he even knew when his mind started having gaps. "That's why I thought she had done it."

"So did you change your mind when you saw the visions?"

"No. If Maria turned him, then Aaron was under her control. When I saw the second vision, that meant she'd sent him with a squad right after she realized I had a powerful gift. I was her second in command and supposed to know all her secrets, and she had Aaron running around from day one with another squad that I never knew anything about."

No one had ever asked Jasper the specifics of his history, and he'd never offered anything beyond vague details that he'd fought in the Southern Wars with someone named Maria. Since there hadn't been a written account about the conflict, he really was the only person we could turn to for information about it. We all hung on his every word. My singer suddenly distracted me from their conversation.

The light from me had dimmed to a nimbus that surrounded us both. She had another nightmare, or else this was an attack by the Violet Gorgon, and I had to use my power to keep her asleep, so I could hold her hand without frightening my poor little bottle cap out of her mind. Rosalie thought it was appropriate. Jugurtha, too. Our three votes meant I could touch her for comforting purposes, only. Besides, she had literally just died I my arms and I deserved a break, for once. We all mentally agreed that if I were in bed with her when she awoke it could terrify her. She stopped suffering when I touched her, so I must have done some good. And her temperature didn't rise, my sister observed.

The next few hours passed with me sitting on the chair by the bed, holding onto her left arm tracking her pulse and respiration. As long as she slept restfully, I had no complaints. Fine, I had complaints but I had to put her needs first, I declared, as I kissed her arm, stroking her sleeve when my family was not looking. Her arm didn't seem to mind contact with my lips. And what my family didn't see couldn't hurt me.

"Correction," Jugurtha quibbled, "the sleeve of her gown does not mind contact with your lips. You still avoid her flesh."

"It's not like I could lick her arm in front of my family seeing as how they'd smell my venom on her." Jugurtha grumbled. His oral fixation was wearing on my fragile nerves.

Carlisle had run back to the hospital to obtain more supplies. Mary Alice and Jasper came into the house and went to his study to conduct research on her family. Paula snored away in our guest room, heavily drugged. I heard Charlie moving around his house at 5:30, marveling at the heavy sleep he'd experienced the night before. He felt like a new man. He grumbled when he read the letter we'd left that my human was becoming odder every day and he'd have to have a talk with her about moving in with virtual strangers even though the Cullens were nice. And he'd have to talk with her about improving her handwriting. He wanted her to spend more time with the Paula since things were kind of getting serious between them. He'd ease her into the idea of having a stepmother. Not once did it occur to him that she might be with us because of that whole, "forget to tell her she had a severe brain injury," problem.

I said to Jugurtha, "Pencil in killing Chief Swan. I'm thinking a simple fall down the staircase will do after I snap his stumpy neck. It's not like they have a real coroner over here anyway." I couldn't help but get a mental image of Genevieve's bee-stung corpse in my mind.

Starched Shirt Edward had the schedule in hand staring at me as if he glared across the pulpit before an unrepentant sinner, which actually, I kind of was. "We are not penciling in killing our dear little one's Father. It would hurt her feelings."

"Like she'd know I did it?" I scoffed. "Where's Jugurtha? Untie him and allow him to continue micromanaging my life."

"Running errands. He asked me to take over and gave me the most Blessed Day Planner of yours. We've already added in classes for returning way-ward Roman Catholics on Sunday afternoon so you can receive reconciliation with our faith as soon as possible. So, no killing her father." He clicked his tongue and shook his index finger at me, "That would not only threaten our already blackened immortal soul but would interfere with the classes, and the confession I've scheduled with the local priest. You're booked."

"He lied to her for over fifteen years. He doesn't care about her feelings. And he's inconveniencing me. I know more about theology than the person you've most likely scheduled me with for 'classes,'" I rolled my eyes and air quoted to show my disdain, "And we've finished the priest debate over valid confessions. I can't confess all my sins before a human priest and you've failed to locate a vampire one."

"Yes, he does care, he is inept at showing them, however, something we know all too well 'Mr. too lily-livered to ask our dear little one out on a romantic excursion.' Either deal with him in a responsible non-breaking the ten commandments manner or I'll pencil in five decades of praying."

"Fine. Roll out the Spanish Inquisition Starched Shirt Edward style. Pencil away in that book to your heart's content. I'm not going to obey."

"Tease me all you want, but her father's love is something she still wants. If you kill him she'll never get it."

"Hello, there," Jugurtha said, returning dusting his hands off on his jeans and ceremoniously receiving the schedule from Starched Shirt Edward with a bow and flourish of his hand. He took his reading glasses out of their case and perched them on his nose. Flipping through the pages in confusion he started cancelling appointments.

"What did you do? Oh no, you didn't." Jugurtha stared at the appointments for Sunday and looked at Starched Shirt Edward as if he had turned into Satan himself.

"He planned to murder our dear little one's idiot father." He swung around on his heel and strutted into the study shutting the door with a satisfied bang and a, "Until we meet again."

Jugurtha sighed flipping through the pages and re-arranged my schedule with a few hmm's and ah's before meeting my eyes calmly over his reading glasses. "It might feel momentarily satisfying, but ultimately it would be inefficient to kill her father."

"How so?"

"You want her to fall in love with you, do you not?"

"That would work with the whole marriage plan and having a valid excuse to keep her at my side." The whole disadvantage to that plan would be that I'd actually have to speak to her more often. I think. And that whole talking thing with her made me nervous.

"How do you expect her to fall in love that easily if she's mourning the death of a parent? In our day you had to wear black for a full year, remember? And you could not marry during mourning it was considered distasteful."

"Oh." She did look good in the color, though. And humans these days didn't mourn that long, I thought, although mine still fretted about her family that died when she was twelve.

"No. It would unnecessarily make it more difficult for her to fall in love, and delay your courtship which you have yet to even formally start Mr. Lily-liver. Further, you'd hurt her terribly. Her Grandparents and Great-uncle were ripped from her side in one night in that house. You can't put another human corpse from her family in there. I don't know how she sleeps as it is, considering she suspects they were murdered inside. And you do need to tell her that she was right about Billy. Soon. She needs the peace of mind so she can achieve closure. Not to mention, it will make her trust you more." A hand shaking my shoulder jerked me from my wise assistant.

A frustrated Rosalie growled, "Mary Alice says Charlie Swan is on his way to the house." I was grateful in that moment Rosalie had insisted on doing mechanical work on Paula's car. It was hidden in the bowels of our large garage that Charlie could not see into from outside.

I reached out my senses and sure enough, he had climbed into the squad car and bumbled his vehicle up our private driveway whistling Waltzing Matilda the entire way. It was 6 in the morning, and he wanted to check on his daughter. Now, he decided to be a parent? Forget my wise assistant; I really was going to have to kill him, after all. Perhaps I could find a few bee volunteers in Mother's garden?

I stared at the waves of green fire and the green and white force fields that surrounded her as the fireflies of light zipped merrily around her body. Well, at least I now had the moral high ground. If he sensed any of the supernatural business, then by our laws and Father's very words in insisting Charlie couldn't be changed, I was definitely going to kill him. And my family knew it. Jasper actually was planning on carrying out the deed for me, worried about me never having taken a human life and all. And I was going to let him, since technically I would not be disobeying Jugurtha's suggestion if my brother decided to carry out my dark wish.

Jasper mentally said to me, _"Just say the word when you figure out if he discovers us."_

I said, "Done."

Father scolded, "We'll simply knock him unconscious if that happens. He's so impressionable we could tell him anything. You all are over-reacting. Edward, we'll have to converse with Charlie in English and we still don't know if we can be eavesdropped upon outside of the ring. Can you make it surround the entire house while he's here?"

"I think so." I hoped so.

Mary Alice said, "Relax, it will all be fine." She showed us a glimpse of a happy Charlie driving away, but not what happened to lead up to it. None of us told her that since she hadn't been exactly reliable lately, we were going with Plan A. We'd let him come in the house, and I'd repeat his thoughts word-for-word to the family, and we'd make up our minds then.

The one thing we always could count on was Charlie's stupidity. It was the one constant in his life. Mother arranged her hair for a disheveled effect and rubbed coffee on her lips and tongue so he could smell it when she spoke. I admired how far she went to appear human. She inspired me. At the slamming of his car door, she pretended to be occupied in the kitchen and waited for his sharp knock. Before she opened the door, I created another ring around the house. I thought in Quileute, _"You have to help me out here spirits. I don't want those skeevy immortals to be able to hear anything we say or find us, but if they come looking I want to be invisible so they can't sense the shield. Would you help me protect this house and the people within?" _The ring in the bedroom surged. They'd said, 'yes'. I sighed as I felt the ring outside the house burn like a sentinel, and fell to my knees at the wave of pain that accompanied the request.

Father reminded us, "Remember, even though he's speaking in English, you have to think in Tagish at all times."

She greeted Chief Swan at the door, clutching the neck of her house robe together for modesty's sake as she wore a night gown underneath it, "Good morning Charlie, what can I do for you?" Fortunately, she had the coffee machine spewing the foul odor throughout the lower floor. And Jasper had microwaved some bacon which added to the repellant odor. I wondered if the toxic fumes would interfere with my girlfriend's asthma. Mary Alice thought at me, _"Edward, Bella will be fine in a few hours."_

"I wanted to check on my daughter." Charlie shifted from foot-to-foot. _He thought, "Esme Cullen is one beautiful woman. That Carlisle is one lucky guy, and gosh I feel bad standing here staring at her rack in her nightgown and robe. She even smells delicious. Think of Paula. Think of Paula. I have to put on my professional face. Yeah, that's right. You can do this Swan. You're a cop."_

Mother's lips stayed firmly in place as I repeated his thoughts. She let her robe fall open since it wasn't belted as she said, "Oh, dear, she's just now gone to sleep, but please come inside. Her asthma acted up last night due to the mold from the rain. I'm glad you stopped by since we were about to call you. Carlisle wants her to stay here today and get breathing treatments. You'll need to call the school." We figured the fewer details Charlie knew the better, like oh, his daughter's heart stopped last night.

For supernatural reasons, we had to violate that whole professional code of ethics standards. It was either that, or bite or kill Charlie Swan, who would set records as the world's dimmest vampire. My vote was still for the killing part. Genevieve would simply have to get over herself. She had, after all, shown us that sometimes you have to hurt people in order to save others.

As she leaned across him to close the front door, Charlie did a double-take at my oblivious acting Mother and blushed, thinking something that translated to, _"God, that nightgown is attractive on her."_ To compensate, his voice came across as almost authoritative, "May I see her?"

"Of course, just please don't wake her, my husband and I were up all night with her." That increased Charlie's gratitude and guilt as he tried not to stare at mother's cleavage as he walked by her. Picking up on his attraction and guilt, Jasper conducted the symphony of Charles Swan's visit to our domicile. It was hard to predict precisely what the temperamental Jasper might do to Genevieve's only son in that moment. The simplest thing to do would be to make him feel guilty to the point of tears and leave. But Jasper was crafty. And he really wanted to hit someone. And he wanted Charlie to go away and stay away without drawing undue notice.

As Chief Swan plodded toward the sanctity of our bedroom, I stalked into the bathroom. This is what happens when you're turned as a teenager; I fumed, feeling the opposite of the typical seventeen-year-old human male hiding in the dark from his girlfriend's suspicious father. The wolf in sheep's clothing had never been more appropriate an idiom, I groused. Feeling ridiculous, standing fully clothed and shod in the dark shower behind the closed door, I sulked about the indignities of my daily life. Emmett vanished along with the supposed-to-be-asleep Father and supposed-to-be-getting-ready-for-school Jasper into other areas of the house. Charlie kept chanting in his mind Paula's name as his eyes tried to stay off of my Mother's backside as she climbed the staircase in front of him. I wasn't sure why but she made her bottom sway more, which seemed to increase his torture as she climbed the stairs. He thought to himself,_ "God, I'm thinking of Paula so much I'm smelling her perfume now," _when he was on the second floor landing ten feet from the door where she snored.

Mother led Charlie to my room, and opened the door holding her breath. This was going to have to go down in the Cullen family record books. When I viewed the world through Charlie's dim mind, the room appeared dark, but normal, as his eyes were drawn to the wheezing body on the bed. Unfortunately, I'd have to tell the truth about it. "He sees nothing out of usual," I muttered. Bungling Bone-head. He can't even get his well-earned death right. My Parents let out sighs of relief. Mother actually had been preparing herself to snap his neck so I wouldn't have to. My Mother was awesome. What other parent on the planet would plan on killing your future father-in-law when he became irritating, not to mention inconvenient so you could continue sleeping with his daughter?

Charlie turned and offered Mother a curious glance hearing her sigh, as she said, "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just so happy to see she's sleeping normally after the night she's had. It's the mother in me. I love her like one of my own." She sniffed, and wiped at her eyes as if on the verge of tears. Charlie thought to himself, _"Why couldn't I have married someone with a maternal instinct like that? I'd have never let her walk out of my life. And we would have definitely had more than one kid. Lots more."_

Fortunately, in that second, Fate cooperated with my life and my singer wasn't glowing. Mary Alice sensed my worry and said, "Edward, if she glows, we can get away with simply knocking him unconscious and claiming he suffered a concussion. Don't worry."

I sniffed at vampire pitch, "I'm fine with that plan as long as we make it a minor brain injury that resulted in a disability." My sister chortled.

Charlie's mind registered his daughter's wheezing and flushed face. _"Golly, Bells is so little she reminds me of Mom. I remember helping her back in the day with her asthma attacks, too. Guess I'm gonna have to brush up on my asthma knowledge. She's been so sick lately. Mom must be looking out for her from above or something to bring the Cullens into our lives. They're so wonderful with her." _He walked to the side of the bed and reached out as if to pat her head before pulling his hand back remembering Esme's caution. "_She had been such a sound sleeper when she was a baby, just like her Dad." _He wrote on a tablet that sat on my desk, "Bells, feel better soon. Rest and listen to the Cullens. I'll call when I get off of work. Dad."

Charlie thought, _"The Cullens were saints. Except for that sulking boy who looked like a baby Muppet, for crying out loud, and needed a haircut. Now, which one was she allegedly interested in? Ah, Emmett. Well, she couldn't do too bad there, although Rosalie might not like it."_

I sucked in a breath and bit my lip, and it took all my immortal will to keep from howling. My siblings throughout the far end of the house had no such constraints. But his next thoughts became even more entertaining. I had to share the joy.

_"Any idiot can see there was something going on between those two, although the parent is always the last one to know,"_ he shook his head sadly. _"I wasn't going to point it out to Carlisle and Esme. They were their children, and since they were adopted, not related by blood. And I think they're over 18, although for Rosalie's sake, I'm gonna check her records,"_ he though primly. _"But I couldn't have Emmett two-timing Rosalie with my baby girl, so I'll have to sit him down and have a man-to-man chat about boundaries and making tough decisions. There was no way I'd let another man treat my baby like she was a girl kept on the side. And nothing seems to have happened yet beyond some driving lessons, cause I'd know if my baby was seeing someone." _

I repeated each thought at vampire pitch as it bounced around that spongy matter that substituted for a brain in Charles Swan. "Congratulations, you lothario, you're married to Rosalie and cheated on her with my future bride. Jerk. Wait until Genevieve finds out." Emmett had to fight to keep from exploding into laughter since he was in the next room. Rosalie's lips twitched once, I think.

Then Charlie did the unexpected,_ "God I have to use the bathroom something fierce. I'll just step in right here."_ He whispered to Mother, "Excuse me a sec," and hurriedly walked towards the bathroom. He ignored Mother's expression and her horrified, "Wait," that she whispered in vain. Emmett started to rush to my room, when Mary Alice hissed he and her mate needed to go to Jasper's study right now. From years of ingrained habits, Emmett and Jasper did not question her and dashed to the study. "Shut the study door," she added. Worried, they did. It was brand new after Mary Alice's recent rampage, and shut with a solid thud.

Mother had been standing near the windows, and unless she moved at vampire speed, couldn't reach Chief Swan in time to stop him without being exposed as immortal. She warned me with her thoughts, _"Edward you're going to have to deal with Chief Swan, just don't kill him, please? All other forms of torture, short of bloodshed, are fair game." _ She was irked that he'd ignored her, and thought his drooling over her hilarious in a fumbling idiot kind of way. Mary Alice said, "Have fun big brother," and then, damn her, blocked her thoughts.

Since I had my Mother and Mary Alice's blessing, and the moral obligation to protect my singer, I did the only thing a reasonable vampire would do, as Chief Swan blithely approached the door. I stripped to the skin at vampire speed, and scattered my clothing all over the floor. In his bedroom, Father heard the sounds of my activity and thought, "What on earth is going on?" He decided he was going to have to "wake up" to help out in this instance, and headed for my bedroom after donning pajamas.

Mary Alice recommended, "Carlisle, I think you'll be more effective if you remove your shirt." With an uncharacteristic smirk, he did so. I'm not repeating what he thought about doing to Mother as soon as Chief Swan left, because that's just wrong on so many levels.

Throwing all his Civil War era prudishness out the window Jasper said, "Oh, excellent!" he pounded his desk in joy causing the piles of books on it to bounce, "definitely greet him shirtless, and in bare feet." Father thought of the things he did for the sake of humanity. He stopped in the hallway to remove his slippers and tucked them under an end table. He continued his path towards my room. Mary Alice said, "Don't go in there until I say, Carlisle."

Emmett said, "I've got baby oil in my bedroom if you want to go for the ripped effect."

"Thanks, Emmett, but that's where I draw the line." Father chuckled. Emmett then suggested Father walk in with another oil from his and Rosalie's bedroom and Father had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing, as he continued his path. He answered calmly at vampire pitch, "Thank you, but I think I'll simply follow Alice's advice. If I walked into a bedroom that had Bella in it with that kind of oil looking like this it would be awkward."

Chief Swan opened the door and flicked on the light, slammed it shut desperately and at record speed whipped out his .....I didn't have to act to appear horrified, standing in the shower with my hand on the faucet, looking down my nose at him. I stepped to the right, as fortunately frosted glass hid my manly parts from his ever-so-wide prying eyes, once I noted from his thoughts that he'd seen more of me than I'd intended. And I don't mean to brag......but.....

"Jesus Christ, what the hell?" Charlie blurted at me. At the sight of my naked form, his hand moved from his considerably-smaller-than-mine thank you very much drooping manly part to his holster. How my dear little one emerged out of that specimum, was indeed, miraculous.

_"What does he think he's doing standing there buck naked with my poor baby helpless in the other room?"_ I whispered his thoughts to my family. At the words "buck naked" Emmett laughed so hard he fell out of his chair in Jasper's study. It earned an evil grin from Jasper who clamped down mightily on his own humor with a, "Bravo, Edward, act like yourself: shy but add in a bit of indignance and embarrassment. This is far more fun than killing him. I'll handle the rest."

With the devil in her eye, Mother knocked on the door and sweetly whispered, "Oh Charlie...." She tugged her neckline lower. Mary Alice dashed in with Paula's perfume and handed it to her. She spritzed her wrists, rubbing them together, her nightgown, too. Mary Alice went back into the hallway with Father to wait, hiding the perfume bottle behind a vase on an end table in the hallway.

Jasper increased Charlie's embarrassment. I refrained from telling them his mental comment about the size of my manly parts that he'd briefly glimpsed. Jasper started howling as he said, "Hey Edward, want to tell me why he's feeling envy all of a sudden?" And then viciously, he decided that Charles Swan could use a healthy dose of Jasper-administered lust. Or two. He refrained from sending any of that to me, thank the Sweet Lord on High.

I refused to answer that comment, which made my brothers cackle like a pack of hyenas even louder. "Hush, you'll wake her!" I snapped back to Charlie in a mortified tone, covering myself with both hands, making my voice break. I ignored his erection, and called upon my acting ability. With a dose of my power and with the human blood in my system, I actually managed to blush to the roots of my hair.

"What are you doing, buck naked?" He blurted, equally red-faced.

"I.....I... ah....could ask the same question. What_ are you_ doing in my bathroom? And sir, I'm flattered, but I am straight." I flushed even more and bit my lip, like I'd seen his daughter do a time or two.

Mother knocked again in a tone just shy of sultry, "Oh Charlie, is Edward in there with you?" the evil woman sounded so perfect.

Chief Swan gulped and thought, _"For crying out loud I've never been attracted to a man in all my life and all of a sudden I have a raging hard on for this sullen gangly punk. And his Mother. It must be delayed reaction to her." _Jasper blasted him with lust again as his eyes widened ever further, _"Down, Big Guy, Down! I am not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I am not gay. I am straight. I am straight. His Mom is the one I'm attracted to." _

"Sorry about that. Prostate problems, son, think nothing of it." He muttered blushing, clearing his throat. I was a doctor. Twice. Professional. And he did not have prostate problems. Yet.

Jasper hissed. "Keep the conversation going, Edward. I haven't even started with him yet. Ask him what he thinks you're doing, and make eye contact."

"What made you yell at me, Chief Swan?" I peered at him benignly as Jasper added in high doses of mortification for Charles Swan with an undertone of panic at my Mother's next quiet knock.

"But you're in here naked?" he pointed to my clothes on the floor.

"I usually shower with my clothing off, don't you?" I appeared confused.

"But she's in there." He pointed in the direction of his daughter.

I curled my lip as if I couldn't believe the direction of his thoughts, as if human girls were icky and beneath me, which aside from her - they were. And I fantasized after all; about her after proper marriage, of course, being on_ top_ of me at least a time or three. "Yes, asleep and appropriately watched over by both of my parents and sisters, Emmett too. And Jasper." I added, just to be devious, "What does that have to do with me cleaning myself? I think my Mom would get kind of angry if you shoot her unarmed naked son for taking a shower?" I stared at his hand that rested on his firearm, and lifted one hand away from my manly parts and brandished the bar of unscented hypoallergenic soap my singer and I shared. He dropped his hand from his gun like a hot poker.

"You had the lights out. How was I supposed to know?" Charlie grumbled.

I flicked a switch in the shower that turned on a single recessed light in the ceiling that beamed down on me, and blinked at him ingenuously.

His bladder shrieking, Charlie said, "Uh, sorry, Edward and since we're both guys, don't mind me." He then proceeded to horrify me and my family by urinating for two very long minutes. He stuffed himself back in his trousers, and flushed with the lid open. He nodded at me, and without washing his hands, opened the door and quickly shut it behind him to greet my innocently blinking Mother with her open robe and v-necked nightgown. "I, ah, had no idea Edwin was in there. My coffee hit all of a sudden, and I really had to use the restroom. Sorry about that."

"My son is extremely shy, Charlie, and doesn't deal well with strangers. I hope you didn't scar him for life." Mother joked. On that note, Father walked in the door in his shirtless glory. Charlie's panicked eyes went from my Mother's neckline to my Father's muscular chest and biceps. Channeling his inner Genevieve, he managed to school his features into his usual mask of cluelessness as he whispered, "Oh, hey Carlisle." Father rubbed at his eyes and said, "I heard noises, and wanted to check to make sure Bella was well." Instantly, Charlie felt guilty, ashamed, and grateful all at once, with a surprising burst of love for his daughter that Jasper did not produce.

"I was checking on her. I was worried."

"Let's take this outside so she can sleep. She's had a terrible night." Father whispered. Charlie winced as he heard the shower turn on, and exited quickly from the room, hoping, _"Lord, I hope that Edwin keeps his mouth shut about my little screw up. And I feel kinda bad for implying he had bad intentions towards my kid after seeing the look on his face like he'd smelled something bad. She's safe around him. I can always smell the bad ones in a crowd. Got that from my Mom." _

Turning on the water in that instant was worth getting wet, and I needed to take a shower anyway. And it was a little late for that particular wish about me not sharing his visit to come true, I'm delighted to say.

Jasper's suggested script was inspired. He increased Charlie's feelings that he was intruding on a peaceful household as they descended the stairs to the second floor landing. Father pulled Mother's back against his bare chest and, leaning forward, kissed her just a little longer than was socially appropriate by today's standards and said, "Come back to bed, soon." He winked at Mother, did that slight head bob human males do to each other instead of beating their chests in greeting at Charlie, and sauntered back to his bedroom. Mother let Charlie catch her watching Father's posterior, lustfully. She called in an excited tone, "Give me a few, dear, and I'll be right up." She then turned to Charlie and said absolutely nothing. He worried about his sanity because he kept smelling Paula just then.

He blushed, and stammered, "Thank you so much for caring for Bella. It means the world to me that you all have been so wonderful for her right now. I've got to go to work." Mother simply smiled and said nothing as she turned to lead him down the flight of stairs.

Charlie thought, _"If Carlisle Cullen has the energy after sitting up all night with my kid, to have sex with his wife then he's my hero. I'd be too tired. I just hope the sex part doesn't last too long since she's sick and needs someone to watch over her. Maybe they just want a quickie. That sounds more realistic. I won't say anything about supervision of my kid, though. It'd be rude, though, and Mom raised me with manners."_

All my siblings had gathered downstairs to see the finale. Rosalie was too good of an actress to break character as she blinked angelically at Chief Swan. She twirled her hair while toying with her oatmeal. Emmett leered at her for Charlie's sake, while passing the juice to Jasper, and heartily said, "Hi there, Chief Swan! It's so awesome you're letting your daughter stay here for a few days." He bit into a piece of bacon and munched happily, thinking to himself it tasted like the new tires on the jeep.

Saluting Charlie with his glass of orange juice, Jasper drank a few sips. It even brought a smile to Jasper's face, and he wasn't even in a bad mood over not having to kill Chief Swan and all and let a few decades of anger off his chest. Smoothly, Mary Alice stood from the table, linked arms with Charlie and walked him to the door followed by a silent Mother, who kept glancing at her bedroom window. Mary Alice said, "Good morning Chief Swan. Do you mind if we keep Bella for a week? We have girl stuff to do."

Jasper had been continuously blasting Charlie with waves of good will since he left the front door to the point where he was having difficulty thinking. With an airy wave of his right hand he said, "Sure. You all are so nice," as Jasper's power rammed into his meager brain.

His daughter had sure made some wonderful friends. And for a moment he envied that Carlisle for having a foxy wife like Esme. He needed to send them a fruit basket or something. Charlie felt relieved and cheerful about that nice Cullen family all the way down the box-hedged and flower-lined sidewalk as he cluelessly strolled through the outer ring of fire to his cruiser.

He drove away whistling 'you are my sunshine" happily. Take that, Genevieve. Some of us don't abuse our power. Much. Not that I would have personal experience with abusing power. Even with human ears, I could hear my laughing hysterically at vampire pitch high-fiving family from three floors up. Thanks to all that blood in my system, for the second time in seven decades, I blushed, making Jasper and the rest of them laugh all the harder as they smelled the blood pooling in my skin in amazement.

Giving me a moment to change into fresh attire, everyone waited outside the now closed bedroom door. My brothers were morbidly wondering in the Tagish language if I'd do that human blushing trick that they thought was so cool. Emmett thought, _"God I wish the vampire world had an equivalent of David Letterman. I'd drag Edward on for the 'stupid human trick' segment."_

I had thought it morally appropriate to walk briskly while wearing a towel to my closet to dress, considering I'd used my power to keep her asleep. And aside from her being sick, venom leakage research, unfortunately, was not an option with my family standing feet away behind my closed bedroom door, which helped with all that keeping the manly parts tamed business. At the fastest rate I could; which even by vampire standards, I must confess, was impressive, I changed into fresh clothes and opened the door. They stumbled into the room laughing at vampire pitch at the sight of my standing on end hair.

"God Bless America, Edward, you gave us such a fright." Mother said, handing me my comb from the dresser. "That was one of the funniest things I've seen in decades. Thank you for that." She fanned herself and broke out in another fit of giggles. She looked nervously over at my girlfriend.

Quickly rectifying my disheveled coiffure, I said, "I used my powers on her. An elephant stampeding in the room wouldn't wake her." On that note my dear little one snored and drooled on the pillow, adorably.

Her shield suddenly pulsed in the dark light. The green ring of fire, too. This was a new development. Instantly the humor fled the room. Without me willing them, the green flames roared to life on my body and greeted the ring of fire in a bow before my intrigued family's gawping eyes. I asked Grace, my Quileute pet---minion was a better term -my minion, in my mind, "_Do you sense Violet Gorgon attacking, and was that you way of getting my attention?_" The answer was a resounding 'yes.' Extending my powers to check for danger, the shield held. I increased the thickness and the pulsing stopped. It took seconds, and yes, it hurt. A lot.

"What was that?" Rosalie asked.

"Trouble, I suspect. The shield is holding, but that was them looking for us."

"Did they find us?"

"No."

"Are they physically in the area?" Jasper asked.

"Not from what Grace can tell." We all turned, by habit, to Mary Alice.

Mary Alice said, "I'm in a catch-22. I can't use my gift as effectively near him and especially underneath this wolf ring. I'll go to the cottage and see if I can predict anything." She crooked her index finger at me, "Hey, you, come here," indicating she wanted me to bend to her level. When I did, she ruffled my hair affectionately and said, "I'm so proud of you," and then she left.

Father said in my mind, _"I should have said it earlier, Edward, but what you did today was tremendously brave, You've grown so much lately, and I am so proud to call you my son." _

I didn't quite know what to say to that beyond a whispered, "Thank you," in his direction.

Huddled under the sheet, curled on her side, my singer slept peacefully. I removed my loafers, and sat on the bed beside her. With my back resting against the headboard, I took her right hand in my own, kissing it chivalrously. Bending my legs, I slid my feet towards me, resting our clasped hands against my knees. The thoughts of my family were sympathetic as they all commented on the pain that crossed my face when I stared intently at her. I heard Father in his room picking up the phone to call some old-by-vampire-standards friends. I found it particularly interesting that according to his thoughts, he knew and was in contact with a few of the lost covens. There was one in Vancouver he planned on contacting. She coughed, drawing my focus back to her.

Mary Alice had promised she'd recover soon. Thinking of how close I had come to losing her, and how much I did not want to ever see that Violet Gorgon near her lovely face or controlling those perfect lips, I sighed. The lusting after my human part would have to be re-scheduled as I had potential legions of obstreperous, snotty, aristocratic vampires to annihilate in seven days. Putting my head on my knees, reverently, I rested my bone-tired aching forehead against her sleeve. Clothed. Alas. And to Jugurtha's disgust, I kept my tongue in my mouth. Alack. I had no idea why; but somehow, the very touch of her made me feel better. The phrase, "be still my beating heart," came to mind when humans described feeling love. Well, I definitely did not understand what that business was all about, because I didn't want my heart to stop beating. I wanted it to stay beating. Sometimes humans made absolutely no sense to me.

My memory carried me to the vision Mary Alice had shown me during my bridge burning therapy session of my future standing in the forest by my girlfriend's side holding her hand with her staring up at me, enchanted. I closed my eyes in appreciation, playing that image over and over, studying it at length. Recalling that expression on her face, I would cheerfully slay a thousand Violet Gorgons, and endure every battle scar with pride to make that come true.

* * *

**AN: I had a reader ask if the languages that I have been referencing are real ones. Oscan and Umbrian are indeed real languages, so too is Tagish which is a dialect spoke in the Southern Yukon. I wanted to have the Cullens pick languages spoken by only a few thousand people as a way of ensuring they could not be understood by the Violet Gorgon. And can I just say I had so much fun with the Cullens in this chapter - not only Edward but way to go Carlisle and Esme! We're reaching what is my favorite part (so far) of the story. You will need seat belts for the next few chapters. Consider yourself duly warned. Let's see, we learned a bit about Bella's medallion. We saw the encounter with another immortal voice Edward dubbed the Violet Gorgon. She scared the living daylights out of them all, spoke an ancient language known only to powerful vampires and promised to bring all sorts of supernatural badness to Forks within a week if Edward didn't deliver Bella and her dead relatives up to her on a silver platter. And just like a woman, she left out how she wanted Edward to deliver Bella to her. Edward met with his Quileute pet for the first time and she is now named Miss Grace, although she did not show him her physical form. They appear to be coming to an understanding of sorts. The Cullens spirited Bella to their house in the middle of the night to guard her. Jasper explained the significance of the visions and told the family about his past. Carlisle gave them a history lesson about the Rising/Vampire Wars and told them the story of the "lost covens" information they've never heard. And Charlie Swan decided to pay a visit and scared the clothes right off of Edward. The things he has to sacrifice his Victorian dignity for in the name of his girlfriend….More on the wolves is coming up next, and that whole red-eyed people business.**

**Please review if you can, Buck naked Edward is feeling his Victorian morals kicking in. He has needs. He would like feedback about his performance.**


	31. HOD pt 20 Mementos Long Forgotten

**AN: When we last left our story, an exhausted and in pain Edward waited to see if Bella had any harmful side-effects from the Violet Gorgon – like oh, remembering any of it. Edward also was told that he had one week to deliver "them" to Violet Gorgon. A drugged to the gills Paula snoozed in a guest room in the mansion, after being installed as the tribal shaman. Charlie had a rather memorable visit that left everyone gasping for air. Jasper had just been informed that **_**he**_** didn't really slay his family or sit by and watch drooling while his human family died. Genevieve said _Skeevy_ did the sitting by and watching part. Not sure on the drooling. Jasper fessed up about his past to his vampire family. And Edward and his Quileute pet Grace appeared to be getting along well.**

**In HOD One – Pride and Tribulation Edward had a period of time that came to an abrupt end one wintry night. He's been living with the guilt ever since then. It might help you understand this chapter – and his comments about being a vampire and his brother Jasper to re-read that section. In the next several chapters I'm going to be tying together parts of the plot that I've established over this arc. Remember that the Cullens have no idea if they are being observed by the red-eyed people and so whenever they think or speak they've been using obscure languages (real ones, actually). **

**Using his new powers, Edward has Bella shielded and asleep lying in his bed. He sits on the bed beside her knees pulled up, cradling her limp right arm in his hands and he holds it against his forehead. One walking by might think he's praying. One might be right. Sort of. **

**This chapter is dedicated to CullenPearl, Codelina, Viridis73, Mamato, Forest Sentry Koneji, Nethead97, Merciless Vixen, Militza G, Pari325, Year of the Demon 2009, Lovelifex2, Sapphira, Majoram, Merrisol, and Mizra. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. And I am tremendously flattered that many of you have put the story on story alert or favorited it. I already have the next segment written and beta-ed and will post it soon.**

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother for her beta-skills extraordinaire. **

**Thanks as well to Vjgm for being my validating beta. **

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. ****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness Part Twenty – Mementos Long Forgotten**

With the sunlight's streams dancing in the waves of expressions that crossed her features, we leaned against the massive trunk of a tree holding hands. Her laughing eyes captivated me, and she stared up at me as if she were mesmerized….by me…..the Real Me…..Like a carrier pigeon, my mind absconded from the room to my new favorite image of my human. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm my un-beating heart and racing mind. The Violet Gorgon pounded imperiously against the shielded-three-times door of my dear little one's spirit. Like the noise of a tremendous gong with a cattle-prod or twenty attached to it, the impact resounded through my body with a jolt. Flinching, I fought to maintain the barricades I'd constructed.

Rudely, reality had intruded, tearing me from what had become my meditative joy: my Pretend Future with my dear little one with the Real Me in control. Jugurtha chided, "It's not a pretend future. I like to think of it as a goal. At present it is in potentiality. You have the power to change that, you know." He flipped through my schedule, meaningfully.

"True," I mused, "Jenny has a brilliant plan. Too bad I couldn't enact it due to that whole inconvenient dying debacle that has thrown it off course. And I am not sure of the prudence of taking her for jaunts when we could be savaged by mobs of shrieking soul-sucking demons."

Starched Shirt Edward pontificated from his prayer bench, "Do you realize you are emotionally cheating on our dear little one with a future vision of her? Why stare endlessly at a dream when you have the real thing by your side? We snatched her soul from the jaws of Satan. You should be more grateful instead of coveting a phantom. God answered our prayers. _Her_ heart beats." He pointed to the vision in my mind, "Hers does not," and then he went back to petitioning fervently for her health to the Blessed Mother. He beseeched that she had not been harmed by the demonic evil spirits that he wished to the seven corners of hell. Dante and his vivid writings of damnation apparently couldn't hold a candle to Starched Shirt Edward's imagination.

Mordant wit rose to the surface. I stared at my singer and in the privacy of my mind teased her, "You know, it's awfully rude of you trying to expire like that on me. And don't even get me started in pondering the shoddy spirits you keep company with," I tsked. "There's an old Spanish proverb that says, 'Show me your friends and I'll tell you what you are.' Evidently, we need to discuss your preternatural company. Your father is frolicking with a werewolf, you are Fake dating but soon to be Real dating a vampire surrounded by more. The demented shades of your thankfully dead and probably not for long buried family stalk us all. And now you have evil spirits trying to invade your immaculate soul." I wagged a finger at her in my mind, "At present, you're grounded. Forever. No more spiritual traipsing about for you, my dear. My hands are already full managing your complicated terrestrial life. I have needs, too." Like you. In my arms. Without chaperones.

And frankly, beyond fantasizing about the end product and scent-antic shenanigans, the mere concept of courting her pulverized my brain to sawdust. I had a migraine you see. A serious migraine. One so bad I feared if I let go of my poor little bottle cap's sleeping arm, my skull might burst. And in a very un-vampire like manner, my stomach groaned along with every cell in my lamentable body. It would be horrendous if I had another nosebleed, vomited, passed out, or worse, all three.

Mother said, "Edward, are you in more pain?" catching the attention of Rosalie who moved to my side. Being the cause of anguish for my Mother irked me. I should handle this better. I could handle this better. Another lance pierced the back of my skull and I decided perhaps the truth couldn't hurt for just this once.

I whispered, "Yes, Mother." From his study, Father consulted with Rosalie over how best to medically treat me. I paid them no heed as another throe drowned them out. Somewhere along the way Mother vanished and reappeared with bags of warmed deer blood on a serving tray.

Emmett and Jasper studied me, frustrated that there was nothing around they could destroy to prevent me from further suffering. Standing around in a battle, and make no mistake this was definitely a fight, without being able to contribute bedeviled both brothers. Mary Alice patted my foot knowing even words couldn't assist me.

"You're still feeling that spirit against the shields aren't you?" Mary Alice asked. Gritting my teeth, I nodded. Then I returned back to focusing on that holding multiple levels of energy in place part.

Rosalie injected four blood bags with pain killer. "You should try to see if this works. I've kept it at a dose that won't sedate you but should take the edge off." I couldn't let go of my singer, you see, not even for blood. If I did, the Gorgon might snatch her. Or she could die on me again, and God help me I couldn't bear to see anything like that again. But I was tired. And weakening. Jasper sensed my quandary.

"Emmett, let's give Edward a hand, shall we?" Emmett had to un-bend my body with one hand, flattening my legs on the bed. He wrapped a burly arm around me in a half man-hug and placed his hands on mine and my singer's to make sure I didn't snap. Jasper held the bags for me to feed as I shook. He even kept a napkin at my chin. Four bags later, the bloodlust had been sated but the pain still wailed like a spoiled child denied a treat. With a guarded pat on the forearm, Emmett reluctantly released me to my own devices once I'd finished the last sack, muttering "Hooverward, forever." And Emmett was right; Jasper was amazed at the rate of my consumption. To be fair, I was slowed by that whole migraine business. Jasper knew that he could do nothing to take away the physical pain and trying to calm me could lower my ability to fight. He mentally said, _"Stay strong. You are up to the challenge."_ I inclined my brow infinitesimally at him in acknowledgment.

Rosalie stepped forward and handed something to her husband. "Edward, open your mouth." I stared in confusion at the tiny green object in his hand. "It's just a strip that dissolves into mouthwash. You don't want to be holding her with blood breath, you know. And I don't see you letting go of her to brush your teeth. Unless you want me to brush them for you. Or Mother could." Emmett knew which buttons to press. I was already mortified at having to be fed. I waited for him to waive an adult diaper in my direction any moment. Remembering her sensitivity to the smell of blood, I hastily complied. It tasted of course, repulsive. But I did it for her. And asked for another one, just to be sure.

Shaking her head at me, Mary Alice said, "Edward, I had a vision that she'd improve very soon. Please take care of yourself. You have to be strong for all of us now." As usual, she spoke the truth about my responsibility. I'd been guarding the family for decades. I couldn't let anyone dart past me. I had to show them I belonged and could protect them. Otherwise, they wouldn't need me. And I needed them to protect her. Because Mary Alice, unfortunately was not always right.

Jugurtha said, "Enough of that now. We need to touch more of her."

"Headache here, my good man, and it makes moving difficult. What are you pothering about?"

"If touching her hand ameliorates the suffering, what would taking her entire body in our arms do?"

"We are in front of my family. It would not be appropriate to plaster myself against her."

Even Starched Shirt Edward agreed with my point. "We couldn't do that to her again, she deserves our respect, particularly in front of our vampire relatives."

"The family isn't shielding the entire house from unknown legions of vindictive immortals. You are. It's not like you're going to tear her clothes off. You are simply holding her. She's under the covers and you are on top of the comforter. This is appropriate and it's moral and you need to do it now!" he bellowed as another thorn spiked into me.

Desperate, I decided to forget about my family's presence and take his excellent counsel. I slid down the bed, and biting back a moan instinctively clutched onto her like she was a spiritual ice pack for my battered being. The blinding agony did not cease, but receded to a tolerable level with her touch. She didn't seem to mind, though, so I did not feel too guilty about it as she snuffled against my shoulder, wheezing, I hoped, in peace.

And bless them, my family elected to let me pretend they weren't there. Mary Alice concluded, aside from the dolor ripping me asunder, that I and my singer looked perfect together, like two lovebirds sleeping. Golly, my sister noted, the second I'd pulled my singer into my arms we'd started radiating more light.

Emmett thought, "_It seriously sucks to be Edward," _and shook his head at the sight of the two of us glowing in the room. _"Those freaky dog powers and her medallion seemed to have some weird mojo working."_

Due to the blood and her scent, somehow I felt stronger. The pain seemed like I could manage it. It felt like electricity crackled wherever our bodies touched, and I'd never felt such a pleasant warmth. I'd handle the Gorgon to be able to continue having my singer at my side as I took a deep breath and let the bliss of her scent carve away at the agony and strengthen my spirit. The clamor of my family's conversation drew my attention from my little bottle cap.

Mary Alice departed the house seething at the injustice of being blind under dog powers. She tromped through the heavy rain accompanied by her silent mate as they left the back yard. Newly named, my Quileute minion Grace showed me that Jasper waited until they were out of sight of the house to reach out and take her hand in his. He must think me a complete deviant. Ok, he didn't. But still.

They walked through the downpour. Emmett and Rosalie sat on the sofa with Mother, fretting over us in three-part harmony. Rosalie had kindly put an empty trashcan beside my side of the bed in case the medication in the blood disagreed with my system.

Downstairs in his study, Father dialed a number he'd never used that did not respond. Exasperated, he hung up the phone before turning to his keyboard to send an email that said, "Out of products. Desperate for stocking assistance. Deadline approaching in one week from old customers." Considering we had no livestock or any paraphernalia associated with a dairy, one wondered why he went to a dairy products web site and placed an order using an old credit card. I wanted to read more on the screen but the pain coursed over me with another knock from the Gorgon, and I had to narrow my focus. At the moment, I could only monitor two conversations at once while beating off the determined hag who could not seem to take a hint and immortally die already. The nerve of some people.

As they moved through the green ring of energy that stood sentinel, out of an abundance of paranoia, Jasper used Xeta, a nearly extinct Brazilian dialect to think and converse with his wife. Grace had told me that under the wolf ring we could not be overheard. Regardless, we still spoke obscure languages in case. Outside of the wolf ring, Grace made no such promises.

"So our brother," Jasper, alas, mistakenly thought their distance from the house afforded them privacy. I saw no need to cause him further distress by correcting that assumption. Obviously, I needed to monitor this conversation for the sake of my family's well-being. Mine, too. I'd spy….I mean . . . aid my Father in his research efforts….later.

"Is showing some frightening powers and volatile emotions," Alice completed his thought in the same tongue. "Our brother needs our help Jasper, and to know he's not alone. He fights not to show it, but if my heart started and stopped every morning it would drive me insane at the fear of losing my immortality. He has been so brave to handle all that with such grace. I cannot see what the end result of these Quileute powers is going to be on him. And despite the spirit that attacked our friend, I can't see anyone harming her or anyone else in the future. I'm useless and I detest it." She swung her free hand punching the air.

"You know what is strange?" Jasper switched to his tactician mode.

"Besides his head exploding into green fire strange? Besides our new wolf ring around the house?" Pointing behind them, she waved at the barrier of energy Grace and I had constructed to keep the red-eyed people from finding us. "Besides him disrobing to be caught stark naked by Chief Swan strange?"

"Even stranger than all those, I'm afraid," my brother said. Jasper beamed fondly at the memory of the emotional chaos I had created. Not that he condoned public nudity of any sort, he thought I was a sneaky kid and had potential when properly motivated. And the ring was an excellent stratagem. He admired my attention to detail.

The only person in the world I wanted to see me in the flesh lay at my side, snoring like a miniature walrus, drooling adoration, unfortunately, on my sheets rather than me. And she could slobber all over, and I do literally mean all over me, to her little heart's content, once we had observed all proper ceremonies – like exchanging rings and her taking my last name. I wasn't picky when it came to her. Well, fine I was. But still. Mary Alice spoke again, and yanked me from the scent of my singer. Mentally, at least.

"What?"

"I can't read him like I used to." Great Caesar's ghost! Now, I really needed to observe.

Mary Alice halted in the middle of a shallow stream to crane her neck at her husband and say, "He's goes from normal to being smacked around by those powers all day long. Beyond that, I do not know what you mean."

"Over half a century, I became used to him hovering in the background like a piece of furniture. He spewed discomfort with talking and serenity with simply being around us. I could tell I frightened him with my scars." True, he had caused me distress, but not because I had feared him physically harming me. I feared he'd be able to crawl inside my mind: which was _wrong_. It was _my_ mind and _private_, thank you very much. He didn't _need_ to know how I felt about anything, I sniffed in umbrage. Mary Alice began walking again, drawing me like a bucket of water from a wishing well back to their words.

"Oh Jasper, I know. I feel terrible now, because he was here first. It's almost like we all pushed him in the corner when we joined the family, and he never once complained. He's always come across as hating to talk. I did not want to push him. Maybe we all should have years ago." I hated to see her crucify her character for actions that were my fault. I had _wanted_ to be the chameleon that faded into the background. I'd adored her because charitably, she had let me alone and respected my need for silence for all those years. And once I got over worrying he'd sense my emotions, I'd been ecstatic at Jasper's addition to the family. He'd had such a hard time adjusting to our lifestyle that he'd kept us, and more importantly, our Parents, occupied for decades.

"Before he met his girlfriend, the times I saw the most emotion out of him were when he warned us of someone becoming suspicious. He felt proud, but afraid of showing it, and protective towards the family." Actually I'd felt smug and self-satisfied, and had managed to completely boondoggle Jasper, I shook my head at his overconfidence – although I did like hearing him refer to her as my 'girlfriend,' "I also sensed strong ones when Tanya and her sisters toyed with him. He emitted embarrassment and exasperation and not a hint of attraction to them." Well, on that part, he was completely accurate. Their constant imaginative forays at seduction became tiresome. I thought of them as siblings, nothing more. Besides, pretending to be oblivious or genuinely showing that they did not affect me had been a sole source of spiteful entertainment over the years. I knew quite well that their impotence galled the women, and fascinated the family. Acting as the perfect gentleman, having the moral high ground, and irritating the undead daylights out of the Denali Sisters was the very least I could do to prove my proper upbringing. Starched Shirt Edward even said so.

Jasper cleared his throat uncomfortably, "And you all really made me think the other day when Emmett and I did that foolish prank. I never really tried all that hard to know our eldest brother. I could feel that he was this shy, nervous kid. Then he found himself saddled with a singer he refused to bite, and stuffed with those dog powers. Everything became more challenging." It was peculiar how either I had hornswaggled him or been completely exposed in the manner I'd intended to convey. I won at life in keeping my brother out of mine.

"How are you having problems reading him, Jasper?"

"Despite his age, he's this ghost of a kid who rarely says a word. Yet when he perceives that she's threatened, he flicks on atavistic rage that is impressive, and considerably more mature."

She kicked at a small rock against the bottom of the stream sending it flying into the distance landing with a splash fifty feet downstream. "You know he's never really shown strong emotion that I've observed until the past few months. The only thing our Father has ever said about that brother's newborn years was that his missed his human parents."

"I do, indeed. Father said that our largest brother had the most newborn rages of anyone. So where did all that anger come from? I can understand that he might be protective of his singer on a predatory level, or of his girlfriend on a territorial level. But this goes beyond it."

"Jasper, God only knows what dog powers are doing to his system. With everything that has been going on in his life, I can see why a shy person like him would be so angry. He's been the immortal piñata of late."

Jugurtha said, "That is going to be our lifeline in keeping them out of our business." True. So true.

Jasper tugged at his mate's arm to get them walking out of the water, "You know what stood out to back in the house?"

"What?"

"From what I could sense, he used to enjoy hunting, but he avoided feeding in front of us. We respected the predatory drive enough to never question it. But now he doesn't obtain the same satisfaction from it, and he eats in front of us despite hating us see him like that. He hunts as often as he does because of her and those powers, and is annoyed by the interruption."

"Because it takes him from her side."

"Exactly. She's worth more than any nourishment he'll take, yet he hovers by her refusing to drink. The only thing I can compare that display of fortitude to is Father. To my knowledge our Father never met a singer. Back in his bedroom, our brother wouldn't let go of her because he feared she'd die. His life has changed from his body, to his heart, it's like a whole new man is evolving before our eyes, all because of his choice about a human girl."

That was silly. I was the same wretched creature I always had been, more ornery perhaps. And I possessed power to back it up. Jasper read too much into my behavior, although he was right on me not wanting to let go of her part. That was being purely practical. But as long as he connected my other odd actions to my singer, that was fine with me. It all worked with my hopes, I mean my plans. On the bright side, I had managed to effectively distract my family and my goodness, my girlfriend had certainly contributed her own share to the mayhem that surrounded us.

I didn't have much use for humanity: except for my soon to be Real girlfriend. And Hezekiah. And Ephraim. And Larry. Drat. Well, those fellows didn't count since they were dead humans, right? Genevieve had shown lately why I should avoid contact with her and her deranged kind, as thank you very much; she had opened her poor precious grandchild up to being demonically possessed by haughty immortals due to her inability to communicate. This wasn't the equivalent of giving her a bad haircut that would grow out in a few weeks, or knitting her an ugly sweater and forcing her to wear it in public. Genevieve, Jericho, and Liam together were the supernatural equivalent of the Three Stooges. Although I did like the Clearwaters. Sort of. Except Leah was irritating.

As they walked through the forest, Jasper said, "Can you see anything now?" He rubbed his hand across her fingers, thinking back on the trip he'd made with his childhood best friend Aaron to buy the very ring on his mate's hand. He remembered the day Aaron had married Susan, his youngest sister. Despite their age difference everyone had thought he and Susan had looked like twins. Lately, whenever he caught a glimpse of his face in a mirror he saw her hair color rather than his own. His mind showed a tall woman with hair parted down the center and swept up into some elaborate style wearing a long dress and standing before a Christmas tree. He thought how proud he had been as Aaron had slid the delicate band on his sister's hand. Susan had been so excited she could barely stand still. He recalled hearing of the birth of his nephew: Jasper Wade Gallantry. Then he remembered finding the rings where the family had hidden them in the woods. They had buried their possessions in case the Yankees won. He'd left the silver, and the money, but had taken the locket of Aaron's and the wedding bands that had belonged to his best friend and his younger sister. He'd had them burning a hole in his pocket when he'd first laid eyes on Alice three weeks later. My brother thought he'd cling to happy ruminations because all the others weren't useful to his required mental state. He had to be ready.

Under the roar of the storm, his wife's eyes grew distant as she slipped into her other shadow world of possibilities. Although she swayed like a flower in the gale, he knew better than to break her concentration. Pure fear erupted from her, and patiently he blocked the emotions. My brother showed amazing control as he watched his wife suffer without blinking an eye. He knew he couldn't soothe her and risk corrupting her vision. Mary Alice emerged from the trance shaking her head like a dog out of water and said, "We need to research whether or not I've ever been married."

To his credit, Jasper's remained composed under pressure.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Given he'd recently confessed to slaughtering thousands over decades, he didn't think it quite fair for him to be distressed at his mate if she'd prevaricated about something minor like being single all those years ago. Seeing as he'd accidentally-on-purpose neglected to mention some pertinent decades of his past - ones that didn't appear to impact how much she loved him; much to his and _my_ mutual astonishment - he considered his reaction reasonable. It was not worth it to become upset about a mortal that was most likely dead by now. Supernaturally speaking, he hadn't exactly been an angel with all that catting around with a touch of warfare, kidnapping, and homicide on the side. Who was he to judge five decades of bigamy? He loved his mate.

"The only thing I need to tell you about is the strange vision I had."

What did you see?"

"I could not see in the pitch black."

"We're vampires, Alice. We can't be blinded that way."

"Right you are. May I please continue?"

He bowed his head at her. "My apologies. Please do."

"I fled from someone that scared me." Jasper thought that 'scared' wasn't quite the word as it seemed inadequate in describing the terror she'd emitted.

"Do you know from whom?"

"You've got me. I have absolutely no idea. That medallion of my mother's floated over my head out of my reach and I kept trying to grab it."

"Did you?"

"Yes, all I had to do was claim it out loud and it fell into my hand. Then I heard a man's voice in a British accent say, 'Oh my beloved wife, I could never forget the sight of your beautiful face.' My wedding band singed my finger, it grew so hot. I only saw his silhouette. He's shorter and thinner than you. Lord, Jasper, if I forgot my own family, who is to say I couldn't remember a spouse?" Jasper sensed her distress and guided her around the Douglas fir branches that bowed in their wake towards their cottage.

What was peculiar was either the part she had avoided telling her mate or the segment she hadn't been able to perceive. Although she had guarded my secrets from him the other day during her tirade, to my everlasting gratitude, I did not detect that she had intentionally withheld anything about the vision. How curious.

At the start of her vision Mary Alice had emerged, surrounded in darkness. Where her fingertips had ended floated the medallion that had briefly adorned her mortal throat. But the pounding of _many_ feet had sounded behind her, and she had not noticed. It had almost sounded like men were running in formation wearing boots. Also, a familiar inky violet light had circled her and the pendant like a tiger stalking prey, and that hadn't registered, either. Nor had she recalled that she had used the Oscan language to claim the pendant, or that her pursuer had spoken it as well in a bad British accent. In all our years, I'd never seen her miss so much. This was not like my perceptive sister.

Under the shelter of the porch, they watched the steady rain blast the lawn in front of their house, and rattle through the forest's canopy. He led her to a black wrought iron bench that rested against the front of their quaint abode. When she sat the bracken ferns to her left offered her a frond in welcome. Her fingertips stroked the sharp leaves in greeting. She'd named the fern Pembroke. She liked to tell it her secrets when Jasper was away from her side. Pembroke had been listening to her apprehensions a lot lately, yet didn't seem to mind.

"Dearest, it's not your fault you cannot remember. Nowhere in the visions that Genevieve sent did your family mention a husband and you wore no ring on either hand from what you described, correct?"

"That is true."

"If you had a husband, considering the time period, surely they would have mentioned him or his safety or his efforts to see to your protection before they left you. Why give you a treasured family heirloom but keep your wedding ring? Why would they have secreted you in the asylum if he existed? What kind of man would allow that to happen without being there for his wife?"

"Not any one that I'd ever wed. It doesn't make sense."

"Did his voice sound old?"

"No, he sounded young, in his 30's perhaps." She was correct on that part, but I hadn't been able to ascertain his visage either, which irritated me.

"Either you had a vision of the past, courtesy of her relatives," he gestured towards the house, "or you had one of the future. If you had a vision of the future, then that is an immortal you heard or a confused human." For a second, he wondered if that meant he was going to die and she'd remarry. Considering what he knew of the mating process he didn't see that as being possible either, but he held his tongue, and maintained an even mien. He did not fear death, but he did not want to cause his mate's and in the event he did perish he wanted her to move on and stay living. I wish I could be that noble. It wasn't my nature. If I couldn't have my human, nobody would.

"I don't have any holes in my memory aside from being transformed and waking up alone. And I'd have remembered marrying another vampire."

Not if she ran into the same phantom that Jasper did, she wouldn't, although that idea hadn't occurred to either.

"I am your mate, and nothing can undo that. No force on earth can undo our bond."

"I know. That's why it scares me that someone could try. If they are after Bella because of the necklace that means they want me, too. And if they want me alive, then they have to take you as well."

In the privacy of his mind, Jasper fantasized about offering up to Violet Gorgon the coffins of the O'Sheas and Jericho Swan. He found the image of her hypothesized fury at our partially fulfilling her demand hilarious. I agreed. I'd dig Genevieve up in a heartbeat if it kept my bottle cap safe a second longer.

"You envisioned the chase, yet you saw not sign of capture, correct? Merely a parlay?" she nodded feeling better, "Try again, and see if you get anything." He used an imperputable timber.

She tried repeatedly and experienced the same vision over and over. With each occurrence, she failed to detect the things I could discern. And my fierce sister wanted to be strong for him, as she despaired about her family and her friend and felt like she failed us all when we needed her the most. Jasper sensed her shame but mistook it as coming from that whole 'might be technically married to someone else' conundrum. I knew better.

"The only thing I know about our future is that our human friend is going to recover from whatever it is that sickened her. Earlier, I had a vision of some of what happened this morning – enough to know you and our brother had to be in the study and that our powerful brother wouldn't kill her father. It doesn't feel right that I can protect the family from the mortal chief of police but nothing else. I feel so useless."

While she may have thought the voice of the immortal claiming her as his wife sounded overjoyed; to me, it sounded like someone who had stumbled upon a prize he hadn't earned but definitely planned on seizing. Self-satisfied, faking love. I should know, after all. I'd been acting for years. The voice had an exemplary delivery in performance, mind you, but not good enough to fool me. He lied like a cheap rug, the Carpetbagging Counterfeit, and his accent in Oscan was atrocious, I sniffed. He'd never met me, and I'd be damned if I'd let him take Mary Alice from us. I'd damn him first. Jasper didn't need my help in taking care of his own hide.

"It could be that you need to be away from the wolf powers for a certain amount of time for your ability to come back."

Sitting on the bench, she swung her right leg back and forth, shuffling her shoe against the wood of the porch and sighed, "True. What are you thinking?"

"I've read some of Father's historical accounts of the Vampire Wars a little while ago." From his mind it seemed that Father had kept accounts on an encrypted flash drive. He kicked himself for not being more knowledgeable, seeing as he'd been obsessed with the Civil War.

"And?"

"Alice, in the Southern wars we were lucky if we could get 50 vampires on the battlefield at a time to fight each other, especially since we used newborns and had to break them into squads that could be controlled. Then you have to consider we had to fight where humans could not detect us."

"That makes sense. Mortals would only be in the way."

"The Vampire battles were gargantuan in terms of its scope. They had hundreds of thousands of vampires fighting each other at a time from multiple factions. If humans got involved, the area simply developed the plague or had a fire or something similar. The armies killed the weak humans, and turned the ones they could use. Europe became the equivalent of a vampire breeding ground. The rule about not telling hadn't been made. Several had human families lining up to have their members turned."

He wondered why, after living with Carlisle all these years, they'd never been told in such detail about how the wars happened. Why keep silent? He admitted that we had avoided other supernatural company due to the venom scarring on his body. Even while living in Denali though, no one had mentioned that time period. And why hadn't he bothered to research it himself? Truth be told, he'd been more concerned with learning about the Southern Wars to cover his tracks and protect the family. He ascribed his absorption with the Civil War to attempts to learn more about his human family and friends. Now his lack of knowledge could harm the very ones he fought to protect all these years. And if a squad did land in a week, this required a different style of fighting tactics. Jasper intended to prepare a defense and hoped the peaceful Cullen family could learn how not to be so nice in a few days' time.

Jasper moaned at our lack of weapons, aside from our gifts. The enemy could be armed with vampire flesh-piercing armaments. He then decided that his experience chewing apart the enemy during battle in the Southern wars would do him good. He had been notorious for his speed in killing. And he didn't think he'd lost his touch. My brother got all misty-eyed remembering some battle or other when he chewed his way through a coven in Chihuahua. It was repulsive, the memory, that is. I realized my brother should have medals in his room as the competitive eating champion of the immortal world. On the positive side, he won without going insane with his gift. He'd learned over torturous time how to block during battle the enemy's emotions while nibbling at their limbs, and to send his rage or fear outward. I must admit that took discipline. And from his thoughts, really smarted. The aftereffects had been gruesome as well, I noted with distaste. And sneaky Jasper had never confessed to having his talent to anyone in the Mexican coven, even Maria. He had gained his reputation because he won his battles and no one walked away to confess about how petrified they'd felt when they perished at his hand and teeth. His own coven had simply been afraid of him due to his success, unaware he might have added a bit of a push to that emotion.

"But you're forgetting the Volturi defeated them all and won the Vampire wars," Mary Alice said.

"No, they were the strongest left on the battlefield and had a few things work in their favor."

"I was always under the impression that they had some giant army and clobbered everyone."

"Not from what I've read. The problem is not much is recorded that hasn't been sanitized by the Volturi. It's like the immortal version of George Orwell's 1984. You have to go to the lost covens to find the other side of the story. Typhus swept throughout the world at that time, and devastated the human population. So the vampires had less people to turn as the population shrank. Then, smallpox happened, which made it even worse. The leaders of the other covens had grown used to simply flinging fighters at each other without strategy because they thought they could simply bite more humans if they needed them. It wasn't until the clans got smart and started turning human soldiers and turning _them_ into armies that the battle changed. The Volturi had the most soldiers that were prepared and they also had a completely different training system that made stronger vampires. They had Marcus, who on the battlefield had astounding results. Thanks to him, the Volturi managed to do the one thing that no one had ever considered. They found a poison that actually worked on all vampires. It had to be ingested to be effective and there was no antidote. They covered their bodies with it and then fought the enemy."

"Wait, if there's no antidote how did the poison work? Did they die, too?"

Jasper's voice took on the excitement of describing a particularly vivid battle, "That's the elegant part – maybe poison is the wrong word. You can think of it as the early form of germ warfare. Remember what Father said about the really old vampires having venom so powerful that they could paralyze others? They managed to isolate the part of the venom that caused the paralysis and turn it into a drug that had a milder effect than the pure venom. Anyone who bit one of Marcus' soldiers fell to the ground paralyzed."

"But he also said that some of the people who were bit were paralyzed for eternity."

"True. Which is why this was such a breakthrough and a psychological weapon as well. The effect of the drug set in quickly. The soldiers who hadn't been bitten would then hack the victim to pieces and burn them."

"So how were the ones that were bitten not dead, too?"

"The ones that had been bitten would be paralyzed and their comrades would yank them to safety if they could, and it did wear off after a week or so. Although some not so lucky ones did not survive because the soldiers from the lost coven side would kill them and grab their own wounded. Regardless, seeing its effect terrified the lost covens, because at first they did not realize that the poison only lasted for a week or so. And the soldiers when they saw the effect started to retreat instinctively because they saw battle as hopeless. When they realized the poison wore off after having rescued a few victims, they weren't able to replicate it. The Volturi seized that advantage and combined with battle tactics they had triumph after triumph and quickly secured Europe. And the Volturi also started gathering people with gifts, more of them seemed to be found in Italy than any other one section, especially in Tuscany. The other clans realized they needed to improve their tactics and simply hid. Once the Volturi seized power and claimed victory, it was really a matter that the others had left their land but found refuges where they couldn't be found. And they've hidden for centuries. They weren't defeated so much as they simply quit the field."

"But the Volturi won anyway. They are in power. It doesn't matter if the others hide as long as they don't do anything to oppose the ruling class." Mary Alice did not think like a general. Jasper, from time to time, did.

"Rule number one of battle: Never underestimate your opponent's ability. Act as if they are stronger at all times. Rule number two, which is every bit as important as rule number one; never underestimate the power of vengeance in motivation. The thirst for it can give a person, particularly when that person has had time to nurse it like a child, Alice, incredible power. From what Carlisle told me, one of the lost covens in a last act of defiance killed Marcus' mate and family. It's been centuries since the Vampire wars happened, and Marcus is still every bit as frozen as he was on the day he discovered they died. And our kind is patient. And the Volturi haven't found where the lost covens hid. They're waiting to see if Marcus recovers from his grief to pursue the covens in force."

"How would the lost covens increase their numbers without the Volturi seeing an unusual dip in a human population? They were blood drinkers. They'd need people to turn and their blood to survive."

Jasper's eyes lit up, "I've considered that as well. If Carlisle is right and they've been gathering for battle building up troops over the centuries, sparking a war or two mortal and immortal would be an excellent way to obscure recruiting. They could snatch large groups of people at will and no one would notice. And the Southern Wars spread all throughout Texas, Louisiana, Mexico, as well as Central and South America. That's a large picking field. It would be just like the ancients to start the Southern wars to camouflage their own actions. Or World War I."

"I agree, although that's a lot of dead vampires and humans to use as a decoy. You have that look on your face like you're planning something." My sister was right, he was, it was revolting, and might possibly work.

"I've asked Carlisle if he knows how to make the poison. He does. And he's going to make some. We'll have enough of it in seven days to protect us. Since it used only one aspect of venom, I've also asked him to see if humans can tolerate it without being changed. Paula should be awake in about an hour. We'll need to tell her everything. And we need to call the Clearwaters and have them come up to see if they can see Bella glowing," Jasper said as he texted Harry.

His conversations with our Father had happened while I had been unconscious. I'd have to make a memo to self about no more passing out for fear of losing track of my family. Although I appreciated my brother's thoroughness, my singer was not going to be dipped in a vat of vampire poison like an ice cream cone. No one would be touching her with their lips or tongue but me, thank you very much. Emmett didn't count. CPR was acceptable as I had to work up my resistance to the not chomping on her while trying to save her life. Jasper could dip Paula in whatever poison he wanted. She was old enough to make up her own mind. Inviting the Clearwaters to visit was genius.

"Jasper, if you are correct and they've grown how would you hide that many vampires?"

"It's silly to presume we are the only vegetarians in the world, and your vision with Benedict hammered that point home. It'd be easier living off of animals than humans, because human blood dependent vampires have stronger thirsts, and less control. And if they did something like start a blood bank, you know the Volturi would catch them." his voice trailed away as a notion crossed his mind.

Mary Alice said. "So if the Volturi can't find them, why does Carlisle know so much about them?" That was a very good point. Father had been close with the Volturi.

"Alice, I've been thinking about Bella's nightmares. It makes no sense for them to spend decades physically combing the world in search of her family never to find them, considering our speed and ability to track humans. Also, her family never ran. They've been here all along."

"I see your point. Go on."

"Bella is simply a human girl with an unusual trait that might possibly make her an interesting vampire. I don't sense anything strong enough about her to justify her or her family being pursued by immortals. The only thing that _does_ make sense would be if the immortals were searching for _something_, not someone. Like for example, a medallion that happens to emanate a signature energy. I believe that spirit had no knowledge of Bella's mind. Edward and I can't access her brain, why should anyone else? The only thing that makes sense is that somehow Genevieve left her vulnerable and they caught the scent purely by chance. Emmett said the medallion was active when Genevieve was speaking using Bella as a conduit, and that could have contributed, too."

"But that doesn't make sense Jasper. It's been sitting in her house all these years. And her Great-Grandmother wore it and was never found." She left unstated the part about how her family hadn't seemed to be bothered by the necklace she remembered from her vision – an almost twin to the one my singer wore. And her mate left unsaid the fact that perhaps it had been a good thing that his wife had been separated from that bauble when she was turned considering all that blinding light that came from it and drama it seemed to cause.

"We have no idea what the history of that necklace is with that family, because we didn't observe them. Perhaps the family had some genetic gift that allowed them to hide? Something triggered that medallion the day I had the first vision. Since then all the dreams became more intense, the visions, too, and now this. They have to be connected. Things would be far easier if we could turn her," he grumbled.

"Don't ever say that Jasper."

"What do you mean? I think she'd survive."

"I can see Edward not being happy with Bella having it forced on her by our laws. I see her in our future, so I think we'll stay on the path we are on now and not tell her until we have no choice.

"Alice, we could have swarms of vampires drop by in one week. That day is fast arriving."

"I know, but she deserves to live in innocence until we can no longer protect it."

"True."

Mary Alice laughed nervously, "Not to mention Edward is under enough stress as it is and I don't think he'd cope well. His head is spontaneously catching on fire when he's cranky. I don't even want to think how he might react if he became even more irritable."

Jasper glanced at her wedding band. He cleared his throat and stared at the fern in her hands. "When I fought in the Southern wars we triumphed as often as we did because I genuinely did not care whether I walked the earth at the end of the fight. I made no effort to find my human family. I believed by ignoring them I kept them safe, and as long as I was useful and showed loyalty, they'd be left in peace. All that became meaningless the day I found the ruins of the house and their mass grave."

"I can't even comprehend what that felt like," Mary Alice soothed.

"I walked away from that life, disgusted with myself. I'd failed them all." They sat in silence for a while before he continued, "Alice, I want you to know that I will fight for you. I know what it feels like to lose everything you ever cherished, and I will never let that happen again. I'll do whatever fate asks to keep us all safe and together." She rested her head against him.

Mary Alice knew trying to convince him that he hadn't killed his family or failed them would be futile. So she did the only thing she knew how. She loved him back. "I do love you Jasper Whitlock." And thank the stars above; she left it at that as I had no desire to watch them being physically amorous. I had standards. Some.

"Let's get to work." She petted her fern Pembroke one last time, thanking him in her mind for keeping her company. They walked into the cottage, determined to find something.

Jasper tracked his only friends from his past life to the Everglades where they vacationed. Peter and Charlotte, like him, maintained a low immortal profile to avoid questions as both were heavily venom scarred. They had no problem running a few errands for Jasper and swinging by Mississippi in the process, Lake Arthur, too. Both promised to come within days. It'd be awfully inconvenient if I had to dismember and burn Jasper's human blood dependent friends if either took one wrong sniff at my girlfriend. I sincerely hoped, like with Emmett, they though her blood reeked.

"What have you managed to find so far?" Mary Alice gestured at his computer.

Jasper's fingers flew over the keys as he recalled his data. "Liam bothers me, and I can't point to a single reason. He must have built a lab based on a few orders I found for equipment. But I don't know where. It's not in the plans for the farmhouse." Liam had either been awfully picky or really paranoid, and Jasper voted for paranoid. He changed suppliers, often paid in cash, and he was going to have to show this list to his brother to see what he thought of it. Viewing the records from Jasper's mind, Liam had purchased enough equipment from different merchants to stock several professional laboratories and odd medical equipment that one should not need as a botanist.

"Why would him having a lab matter or not? He's dead?"

"Because he conducted research and published papers using it and there's no record of where he did that. If it was public, and above board, then I should be able to find an office building or something he used. The fact that he went to so much trouble to hide it stinks. And there are little things like he did not have a driver's license on record, but he owned two cars."

"Could the records have been lost?"

"This is Forks. They couldn't wander that far. And I did a hand search of the records at the department of motor vehicles warehouse. He's not there. But things start to stink to something fierce when you consider that aside from the photos in Bella's album and on her wall, there were no pictures of Liam to be found anywhere." Liam's finances he still had yet to understand. He vowed to take Liam's advice and continue digging. And he hadn't even started with Genevieve and her husband. Liam occupied his attention.

"Did you ever find out about that phone number from Edward's dream that showed her family dying?"

"Yes, the phone number in Lake Arthur, Louisiana that Liam had dialed as he died rang in the sacristy of an abandoned building."

"Why am I not surprised? Do we know anything about the building?"

"It acted as a church and a one-roomed schoolhouse. And the owner of the property, Beauregard Ayo Buford Thibodeaux can't be found." Jasper didn't like the perfection of that. And humans these days had desecrated the Civil War General Beauregard's memory and had taken to naming their dogs after him, rather than their children. We were one step away from hell in a hand basket.

"Why would someone sit around an abandoned schoolhouse waiting for the phone to ring and answer it saying they were a human mortuary?" As ever, my sister had a good point.

"I have no idea. They also said it was a wrong number, too. It's strange. There's more to that than meets the eye."

Fortunately, his friends would check on the elusive Mr. Thibodeaux.

Just when Jasper's research started to become interesting, Rosalie startled me back into paying attention to the room I huddled in with my singer. Accidentally, she knocked my wooden trunk that sat above my desk open, sending it flying. With a panicked squeak, she caught the trunk in her hands as the contents spilled upon the floor and said, "Oh God, Edward, I'm so sorry." One thing I had appreciated about this family was its insistence on privacy of our possessions. Rose's words were sincere, but I couldn't help the feeling of anger that arose in me. Those were my human family's things. She shouldn't be handling them.

Starched Shirt Edward remonstrated, "She's your vampire sister and she meant no harm. Stop being uncharitable."

Jugurtha said, "You need to worry more about maintaining your shields and explaining the knife."

He gestured toward my sister, who saw Sister Claire's knife and exclaimed, "Edward, what on earth?"

I chose to ignore the knife and thought I could divert her attention to the jewelry. I even stooped to pull my singer against me self-consciously to try to deflect my sister. I had no such luck. My singer picked an inconvenient moment not to be the focus of Rosalie's attention. Mother and Emmett leaned forward as well and helped put the items back into the trunk. I cringed at seeing them handle my things. To their credit they did not take long and were matter of fact about it.

"Those are things that belonged to my human family." My tone should have caused her to feel shame. Mother instantly knew from my tone that my sister was walking on egg shells. She said, "I remember you talking about them the other day, they are lovely, Edward," her tone conveyed her support.

Rosalie ignored the jewelry, didn't even attempt to open the ring box, and like a typical woman, blithely dug where she shouldn't. "Did the knife belong to them?" Drat. Now everyone started listening. Mother pondered what I could possibly need a knife for since I was not the pack rat type and cared little for my possessions aside from my human Father's watch which she lifted carefully. Mother felt proud I had taken her advice and had put my human Father's watch in a place where I could look at it from time to time. She thought I had grown so much lately. My Mother was far better than I deserved.

"No, it did not." I winced a time or two trying to show my sister the inconvenience of her questioning. Rosalie picked the wrong time to think like a physician and ignore about my suffering.

"What are you doing with it?"

Emmett thought, _"Geez, what is all the fuss about? It was just a puny human antique. It's not like Edward had ax-murdered anyone." _

On that he was absolutely correct. I had never ax-murdered a soul. Regarding general murdering using other means, however, I was guilty as sin.

I replied, "I thought it looked unusual. What of it?"

"First, vampires don't need knives. Second, I thought it interesting my quiet brother has had a knife by his bedside all this time. How long have you had it?" For a brief second she had a glimpse of me sneaking up on my showering singer with a raised blade like a scene out of a low quality human horror movie. Now we were venturing into territory that made me nervous, not that I showed it. Virtuously, I beamed confusion at her with a touch of disgust as that mental image of me creeping in the bathroom armed and amorous repeated. She had the good sense to appear ashamed, although my singer did appear quite attractive in that dream. I'd tuck away that image for later examination. Not that I'd ever harm a hair on her precious head, but in the unlikely event I did, I certainly wouldn't need a knife, for crying out loud. I had my teeth you know. And they did not have any performance issues. And aside from that whole destroying the world with flailing fists and causing the earth to shake during rare bursts of venom research, neither did I. Seriously.

I could not stare down my nose at her from my current position reclining on the bed, but did my best impression. "For the record, ew. I found it wandering about one day. I thought a hunter had lost it. Rosalie, it's merely a knife."

Jugurtha said, "Do not show anger. Act confused." That would take work. Mother and Emmett turned to Rosalie to see what she had thought that was so repulsive. Rosalie shook her head at them, refusing to shame me and herself further. My sister's next words caught me off guard.

"Well the designs on it are unusual and the writing is Mansi."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You remember we lived in Russia, right?"

"Of course, although not for long." Siberia had not agreed with us. The people were too smart. Wistfully, Emmett missed the hunting, particularly the prevalence of bears. Mother liked the night skies. Rosalie had enjoyed the winters. Figures.

"I studied art history at school but minored in languages. This is a language spoken by an indigenous tribe from Siberia called the Khanty."

We hadn't lived near them so I hadn't bothered to learn the language.

"What does it say?" Mother asked, curious.

"'Virtue and Honor above all,' is a rough translation. They were very fierce people. The region was considered relatively autonomous until the 1930's when the Soviets decided to crack down. The people revolted in 1933, when the government killed the leaders, executed the shamans, and rounded up the children to be sent to state boarding schools. I wouldn't be surprised if this is from that time. The language is probably only spoken by a few thousand people now. That's why. Where did you find it?

"Illinois, but around the time Carlisle and Esme married, so that was before the revolt." Technically, that was the truth. I wondered to myself why someone would craft a blade in the advent of machine gun warfare. It didn't sound prudent to fight an onslaught of armed-with-bullets soldiers with a mere blade. And if you knew hoards of heavily armed were on their way, why sit around carving pretty designs on the aforementioned blade? No wonder only a few thousand were left knowing the language.

"What are the odds someone escaped the persecution and fled all that way? Sometimes life does surprise me." She studied the knife. I recalled that horrible evening when Sister Claire and the children had perished at that animal's hands. The killer hadn't lived long enough for me to obtain details on the blade. I'd been too eager to drink his blood. Going back to that time period hurt and I typically avoided it save for the memory of Sister Claire's hopeful words about God possibly loving me.

It took discipline to maintain my serenity, and the barricades, but I had to force myself to think back on the details of that wintry night so long ago. They were mementos I'd long tried to forget, those shadows that chased my conscience. I recalled the blade had not belonged to the man I had killed because he'd thought how much he wished he had that strange knife he'd found when I had first attacked the beast. I did remember his name and that he was wealthy and killed for sport, but not much else.

Rosalie waved her arm in front of my face and snapped her fingers to engage my attention. "Why do you keep it?" I finally figured out from her mind that she kept questioning me to distract me, not to plague me to death or because she suspected my little problem with murdering scores of criminals decades ago.

"I liked the engraving on the blade." On one hand, I kept it to remind me. On the other, it hurt to stare at it. And I wanted to slap myself for not studying it earlier.

Father entered the room and saw the knife in Rosalie's hand. It wasn't possible for vampires aside from me, of course, to faint. Rosalie and I watched his mouth move but sound fail to happen. I'd never seen him flummoxed to that extent. To my dismay, he appeared more alarmed than he had when he'd first seen Skeevy's picture. Emmett stood as if he could aid him by killing someone or something. Mother leapt up and rushed to her mate's side. Father extended his trembling hand towards my sister. Frightened, Rosalie stepped forward and placed the flat of the blade into his palm. His thoughts were going so fast I couldn't make any sense out of them. "Edward, is that the knife you and Rosalie have been discussing?" His eyes all but bored a hole in the hilt. In his mind I managed to filch one clear thought of, _"How can this be?"_

Oh this was not good. Now he was blocking me. "Yes, Father. Did I do something wrong?" I didn't have to fake the trepidation in my voice. Mother's face remained neutral, although her thoughts were filled with concern for me.

"That knife is a vampire blade."

He let that sink into the room as we all stared at the shining metal in his hands.

And then the Father I loved, the sensitive and caring man showed how generous and compassionate he was. Instead of saying out loud, he asked in his mind to protect my privacy, _"You found this when you lived on your own did you not?"_

Thanking Christ and all the apostles that my heart did not currently beat, I simply nodded slightly. Rosalie and Emmett both stared at the blade in awe and did not notice the exchange. Mother, however, most certainly did.

"I found it. I never saw any immortal or sensed any presence. I'm sorry I didn't show it to you. I merely thought it was a nice knife." Affecting sincerity came naturally – the innocent while sounding guilty part took all my acting skill. Mother went into protective mode, thinking I had been through enough in the past few days. She gave Father a look begging discretion. My normally astute siblings were too gobsmacked to pick up on that, either. Thank God.

Father sat on the bed to the left of me. He studied the blade, handling it with care. Mother perched beside him.

"It's a short sword, Edward, and you are correct. It is a nice knife. And it might help save our lives. So I'm not angry with you at all, my dear boy." Then he did the most amazing thing. He smiled at me. My Father continued to spoil me, Mother, too. He managed to question me without alerting my siblings about that whole killing scores of humans business, although I'd never quite told him about the scores of humans part. Carlisle's thoughts remained in the present. "Owning a weapon like this without the Volturi's permission was a death sentence. And the language on the blade means there must be a coven in that area."

"That would make calling them for help rather difficult to do," Emmett said.

It's not like I expected the Volturi to show up to the house and rifle through our possessions. That would be tacky. Even Carlisle knew that. And they'd never come before. The possibility of a lost coven in that area of the world, while interesting, could not help us much with our current problem. It's not like we could become immortal telemarketers and randomly call phone numbers in the wilds of Siberia and ask whoever answered if they were vampires and would they mind terribly coming over in the next week to play.

Jugurtha said, "We should track that man we killed to aid our family."

"I don't even want to think of that time and we can't risk them finding out our inglorious past."

"They can't find out if they don't know we're searching, can they? He wasn't Russian."

"True."

"It would be neglectful to have a lead and not pursue it given the stakes. We can always be creative with the truth if need be."

Starched Shirt Edward agreed, "If some good can come out of that period, we should be so lucky. And we acted with honor about Sister Claire. We owe it to her memory, too, as well as those poor children. We should consider visiting their graves to pray and offer devotions."

"Sister Claire is dead and rotting in the ground as well as the children. And she and their memory can wait. I have sent cash donations every decade for prayers to be said in her name and that of the children to the religious order that she belonged to. My girlfriend is very much alive at least she was when last I checked three seconds ago. We have to put her needs first. If we have time left over, we'll scrounge for facts on the blade. We have to prioritize. And right now we need to keep them from being suspicious of us." On that we all agreed. Father's voice called me back to the room.

Father said, "Historically, they made the blades using a process that left a particular bitter smell. I know they used venom, I simply don't know how or if it was from a beast or immortal. The distinctive scent was how the Volturi rounded up all the weapons. The problem with this one is that it must be made of a different material. It's clearly the same engraving they used on the blades, but it doesn't smell the same. That's why you've had it in your room all these years and I've never commented. I couldn't sense anything out of the usual.

"So that means the Volturi if they ever did show up, wouldn't find it." Rosalie said.

"Correct but more importantly that means that the lost covens found some way to forge weapons and strip them of scent."

Emmett said, "If that's true then they might have developed some kind of stealth technology over the centuries."

"That's a big leap of logic," Mother cautioned.

"Why have weapons that don't smell if the enemy can still smell _you_ coming?" They all saw his point.

"So if the enemy raids where you live, they can't find the weapons you've secreted around the place." Mother played the devil's advocate.

"True, but that's an awful lot of work when you can simply make more."

"Could they? Father, didn't you say the Volturi captured all the arms makers?" I asked.

"Clearly not all or they passed on their knowledge. I can guarantee you the Volturi do not know about this kind of blade. They would have told me. I've never read of anything like this. If they had scentless weapons, the Volturi would have crowed about it in their accounts, and they definitely would be making them. I know for a fact their weapons don't use this manufacturing process." Carlisle said.

Mother said, "That also would make it easier for the lost covens, to smell the weapons coming. The Volturi couldn't sneak up on them."

Using an earnest tone I kept my features benign and said at Jugurtha's urging, "Please take it Father. Perhaps Rosalie can study it to make more?" All that you had to do to divert my sister was dangle a challenge in front of her. Rosalie all but foamed at the mouth, and bless her heart, fell right into my ploy. Emmett couldn't wait to get his hands on it. And I must admit I did feel a bit of smug satisfaction that Jasper would most likely collapse with excitement and joy. He could use it these days. Mother fretted my human could be cut with us waving historic blades around my room. I must have done something right in convincing that wonderful woman of my control if my vampire Mother worried more about someone other than me accidentally impaling my girlfriend with a sword, despite the fact that of all the beings in the room, I should have been first in line trying to drink her dry.

Father said, "This was one secret that I never bothered to learn while living with the Volturi. I think that's a good idea. Rosalie and Emmett, Edward wouldn't have kept it with his human family's things if it didn't mean something to him. Can you two study this without destroying it?"

"Yes, Father I can. Emmett and I have the equipment." She all but danced from foot to foot and rubbed her hands together in glee. In that moment, Rosalie wasn't the human child locked in the candy store. Instead, she owned the entire chain. And the tiny part of me that did not want to see the blade destroyed breathed a sigh of relief. Somehow that blade had become Sister Claire over the years. And I didn't want to see Sword Sister Claire desecrated.

I caught Rosalie's thought of, _"His face changes when he touches her. It's so endearing," _as I felt the familiar stirring in my veins.

Father said, "In my surprise I neglected to ask how are you feeling, Edward?"

Of course, that's when someone knocked rather politely for a change at the door of my dear little one's spirit. It sent a surge through the shields and my headache came roaring back with a vengeance as I concentrated to increase my power. It wasn't like Violet Gorgon to act politely. Perhaps I'd taught her manners. The next wave of pain suggested that theory was a bit premature. That is when Lady Fate showed me just how much she hated me. My heartbeat started.

I fought with all my might. I couldn't leave my dear little one now. She needed me. Mary Alice and Jasper were outside the house approaching when the blind panic I didn't bother to conceal caused Jasper to sprint, his mate chasing after him shaking her fist at the wolf ring that burned behind them. I had just enough time to say, "No, please God not now," as I fought to stay awake. Without shame, I plastered myself against her hoping it would keep that Quileute gadfly at bay. Against my will, my eyes slammed shut the instant my heart beat the fourth time. I'm afraid I didn't have the chance to answer my Father.

The sole comfort I had, aside from my singer's touch as I held her to my cheek, was the knowledge that my family would guard us both. Grace, too. I begged Grace, "Please Grace, protect her and my family while I'm gone." She crooned to me in wordless response trying in vain to offer me succor as my heart rate soared and the pain increased. Jasper barked, "What is wrong with Edward? I can feel his distress from outside the house." I heard my Parents worry that I would crush my singer in my agitation. They seized my arms as I struggled. Father pulled me away from her but left one arm in contact his fist holding it, protecting my little bottle cap from my frenzy. Impatient invisible hands snatched me kicking and screaming from this realm. Darkness surrounded me, and uttering a wail of despair at the thought of leaving her vulnerable, I knew no more.

* * *

**The purpose of that ending was not to depress you (cause you know he's going to be fine, right?). But to show just how his feelings have developed for Bella.**

**Alice finally has a vision which leaves her questioning if she's already legally technically still married to some other smarmy sounding immortal. She also knows that Bella is going to recover soon - just not how. Did you ever wonder how the Volturi came to power in the first place? I did. That was my explanation. We've learned a bit more about the Vampire Wars - enough to wonder why no one ever talks about them, and how if there were so many clans involved, the lost ones managed to hide for all these centuries. George Orwell wrote an awesome book called 1984 that you might want to read sometime if you haven't already. In it, the government rewrites history to keep people under control. Back to the story, Carlisle has some 'splaining to do.**

**Edward feels a clash between his loyalty to the memory of his human family and his vampire one when Rosalie knocks open the chest of his cherished possessions. And Sister's Claire's knife is a vampire blade. Who knew? (Anyone confused as to who Sister Claire is might want to re-read Heart of Darkness Part One towards the middle.) At this point you should be seeing Edward's increasing dependence on touching Bella. It really does calm him. And he really does physically crave simply being at her side. And now of all times, with Paula snoring below and the Violet Gorgon banging at the door of Bella's spirit, Hezekiah wants to bond? Oh poor Edward. He really is going to chew Hezekiah's ear off. We will pick up right here in the next chapter and Edward is finally going to get lots of straight answers from Hezekiah and the committee, and we'll learn some more about those red-eyed people. After that, you can expect increasing amounts of Edward and Bella in the next few chapters. Swear. Just to prove it, here's a teaser:**

She didn't complain when I lifted her into my arms for the walk back to the freshly changed sheets waiting on our bed. I placed her sitting up on the edge near the foot, her back to the door. Father said at vampire pitch, as he handed Mother a pre-filled syringes, _"It would be helpful if you would do something to occupy her mind."_ So I fell to my knees in front of her. My Parents had easy access to both of her arms. Even better, she couldn't see them coming. Noting the expression on my face of worshipful adoration, Sue and Harry thought I was going to propose marriage and sucked in their breath. As if. I wouldn't be foolhardy and propose in public like this, particularly with her ill? Right? I was delighted to note that I pulled off the worshipful adoration part. But marriage? Although I did have a ring within reach. It was lovely and appropriate. My human Mother had said so.

**Please send Starched Shirt Edward some love in the form of a review. It inspires the muses.**


	32. HOD pt 21 Mammoth Sized Mongrels

**Snarky Summary**

**Would you agree without hesitation to endure torture for someone you kind-of- sort-of-maybe liked? What about if it was for the safety of your family? What would it take to get you to say 'yes' to that hypothetical question? Edward, for all intents and purposes, is enduring tortuous levels of pain using his gifts to defend Bella and his kin, and it doesn't once occur to him that he could be sparkling in Tahiti if he walked away. On one hand, you could argue this shows he's selfless. Yet he has fear partially motivating him as well - not just fear that his family and Bella could die. He has to prove himself to his family or they won't love him. Does that change things? You'd choose torture because if you didn't your family wouldn't need you? He's absolutely clueless of the significance of his decisions and behavior at this point. Gradually, he's slowly beginning to understand what that loving someone business is all about, and he's making big steps. He just doesn't know it yet. This chapter will have all kinds of info on the wolves that I had to solve to help with the mystery part with lots of Edward and Bella thrown in - then it's moving on to Edward and Bella for the foreseeable future.**

**In our last chapter we learned about the scope of the Vampire Wars. We also discovered that technology has devolved in the vampires that exist now. The Volturi have vampire blades, but curiously haven't used them in generations, nor advertised their existence. Jasper and Alice worked on the mystery surrounding the death of Bella's family. Peter and Charlotte are on their way to help. We learned the knife Edward kept in memory of Sister Claire is actually a vampire blade - one that does not have the signature odor of vampire blades. One made in Russia. Just as someone pounds at the door of Bella's shielded by Edward spirit, Hezekiah yanked him away for a chat. As our chapter begins, Edward fears he's left Bella and his family to their deaths. Did you ever wonder why the tribe got the idea that the vampires were responsible for them transforming into wolves in the first place? And what would ever have motivated Hezekiah to give Edward the ancestral memories and all those shaman powers in the first place? Why Edward? Why not Carlisle? Or Esme? And how is Bella going to respond to that whole Violet Gorgon dealio?**

**And so we begin. **

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother for her beta-skills extraordinaire. **

**I have this faithful group of reviewers who constantly amaze me. Thank you so much for your feedback. It really does motivate the muses. You spoil me so. Thanks to everyone for reading.**

**Thanks as well to Vjgm for being my validating beta. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, Hezekiah, the O'Sheas, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**CC Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-One: Mammoth Sized Mongrels Stench-Sploding In the Night**

One moment I wailed in darkness, the next I stared at my shaking hands as they gripped the arms of the familiar leather chair. Rationally, I recognized the importance of talking to him, but having logical thought processes at the time seemed beyond my capabilities. Irrationally, the primitive part of me wanted to throw back my head and howl in fury and start crushing boulders as green fire turned me into a beacon. He'd ripped me from her side. I didn't know if she was well. And when he'd done it, someone had been hammering at the ramparts I'd created. I sprang from the chair and started pacing before his recliner.

Arms waving I exclaimed, "You have to send me back! She could die! My family, too! They need me." I was on the edge of hyperventilating. I recalled Jasper weeping in front of the gravestone of his family. Now it became me standing in front of the gravestone of my singer and piles of ashes of everyone else, screaming as a wind blew a breeze that scattered their remains. White lights started appearing at the edge of my vision. My entire body caught on fire that crackled through me.

Given that I had vigilantly saved my little bottle cap from vindictive high-in-the-instep immortals who currently attacked, and had shielded my family as well, and had an awfully difficult time maintaining said barriers, Hezekiah's tranquility seemed out of place. Had he started ingesting illegal substances up there? Like hallucinogenic mushrooms? His bony fingers took me by the arm and he turned me like an errant child toward an area to my left of his chair. He muttered something about views and hysterical vampires in Quileute. A window to my world appeared out of nothingness. Suddenly, it felt like I stood on the other side of a glass wall staring into the present chaos in my bedroom. Mary Alice held her hand as my slumbering singer lay in the bed. The barriers I'd constructed pulsed. The rest of my family held my seizing body. While they certainly appeared confused and worried, it did not appear that they were dying or being attacked. Mary Alice held my singer in her arms due to that whole thrashing about problem I seemed to have.

"Edward, take a deep breath, son. I wouldn't have brought you here if I couldn't make sure your little missy was safe. Your barriers are strong. And I'll make you a promise. She'll be asleep the entire time you're here and if your measures weaken, I'll send you right back if a jiffy. You have to calm down or you could overload and hurt your family and her as well." Clearing his throat to regain my attention, Hezekiah held out his liver-spotted hand to shake mine. Remembering my manners, I complied. Once our agreement was sealed, my body in the window instantly stopped seizing. Mary Alice replaced my girlfriend on the bed in my arms and Thrashing Edward took a deep breath and whispered, "Safe, home, soon." My entire family surrounded us on the bed ready to pounce if I so much as twitched the wrong way.

"What about whoever was attacking?"

He wobbled over to his chair, leaning on his walking stick. "I called in a few favors. Your shield has been strengthened. They can't get in no matter how hard they try. My shaman friends from some other tribes are having themselves a right old good time. They haven't had this much fun in centuries. Your girlfriend has a fan club up here."

"How are your friends helping? It does not feel any different."

He turned to face me and gingerly sat in the leather recliner, and placed his stick on the ground at his side. "They've put up their own barricades. They liked what you did so much they decided to give it a try." Now I had creaky ghostly geezers experimenting with possible powers. Marvelous. As long as they kept away all the riff-raff from the spirit of my singer, I'd tolerate it. For now.

Hezekiah moved us to another location for this visit; one that I knew didn't exist in the real world. We sat on chairs in front in a clearing surrounded by moss drenched hulking trees from the Hoh rain forest that stood quiescently. It was night-time in his world, and a sliver of the moon showed through the clouds, almost tangerine in color. The clearing had the vivid pinks of smooth douglasia shouldering for room with bluebonnets. Since this was his world, Hezekiah had put the cave where he'd died at the far left. The rubble had the cluster of Piper's belle flowers sticking through the rocks, prim gophers of color. He'd made the wind blow a bit I hoped to help with that freakish rancid body odor issue.

"Hezekiah?"

"Yes?"

"I'm scared for her and my family. I'm even more afraid that I can't protect them. How long can I keep these barricades up? It's hard to do. And I'm getting hungry all the time. And I'm concerned if I pass out again that she'll be left vulnerable." The words rushed forth from me like water down rapids. Admitting them to his stoic face shamed me, but I needed the help. I put my pride aside to beg. For her. And my family.

If I'd hoped to find answers from his face, it quickly shriveled and died. He sighed and said, "I can't answer that. Edward, we'll have to see how long you can do this. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being mighty hard, how difficult is it right now to keep the shield working?"

"Five. But I'm hoping I feel stronger when I wake up." I felt tired. Fine. I was hanging on by a thread. And he clearly knew it.

He didn't try to sweet talk me about it this time. "The sleep does help you recuperate. Your heart beating will help make that medicine in the blood bags you drank work a little bit but only while you are in that state. And there's no way to sugarcoat it. You're going to get a workout in the next seven days, son. Maybe longer. Touching her seems to help, too. Although the pet healed you some a little while ago."

"Indeed."

"Those shields you wove from power, all of them - that was a nifty idea, Mr. smarty pants - are working. Bella can't reach out with her spirit for anyone either, when she's awake or asleep. Asking the spirits to make sure that others couldn't sense the shield impressed the entire committee. I couldn't have planned that better myself. We're all impressed with how you and the pet have been working together. Don't underestimate her . She's strong, and more so when she's peeved. She likes Bella. We all do." He smiled fondly at me.

Now that I'd assured the temporary safety of my singer, his mention of the committee made me address the elephant in the room. "Go ahead and say it," I rolled my eyes in disgust, crossing my arms.

"Say what, Edward?" He uttered that so mildly, the bastard.

"How foolish I am for not appreciating that Paula Black was a wolf considering her grandfather was one. Sitting Bull," I called out to the heavens, "I realize I am a stupid white man for not figuring this out earlier. Sacajawea and Jenny, I am a sexist pig. Happy now?"

Chuckling, Hezekiah slapped his knee and said, "Actually it's Quanah Parker that's been taunting you, and he'd like to point out that you may be stupid, and fish belly white, but you aren't a man." He held up a palm, "Pay him no heed. Jenny says he's got issues from his past life that fire that. Sacajawea says it's good that you figured out that sexist bit and to keep working on it. You've had a lot on your mind, Edward, so stop beating yourself up."

"Can _they_ see me?" I stared at the sky suspiciously thinking of the committee. And praying they hadn't witnessed my encounter with Charlie.

"No, only I can because of our connection. I'm starting to feel like a sports announcer these days telling them what's going on - when I can figure it out."

Turning to the jackdaw that cackled in his leather chair, I said, "Oh my good man, do I ever have a claw to pick with you." He snorted at my pun.

"Keep your shirt on," he did not just say that at a time like this, the prune-faced crone.

"Actually, he did, and you have to give him credit. That was pretty funny," Jugurtha remarked.

"Disrobing in front of another man was mortifying. We've never been naked in front of anyone and you strip in front of our dear little one's idiot father? You're losing your mind. I'm trying to encourage you through my counsel to court the _daughter_, not behave lewdly with the father and boast about our manly parts being bigger. God could become angry with us and shrink them due to our vanity," Starched Shirt Edward thundered. "Or worse, he could make them cease functioning forever." Moving before I could, he slapped his own palm over his mouth, widened his eyes, and blanched at that idea.

Jugurtha and I stopped and gawped at him. "I made a tremendous sacrifice of my dignity to protect my singer from her bumbling parent and you're prattling about our _size_?" I shook my index finger at him and pointed to his corner, "Go back to that bench and say a prayer to the Virgin for not worrying about our dear little one's virtue, instead. I was in such close proximity to her and quite naked after he left. I could have had my wicked way with her and you said not a word the entire time to offer me moral guidance you raving hypocrite. You were every bit as tempted about it as I." He squawked and stomped away. Preening pervert. I called after his fleeing form, "Who is the patron saint of penises? You better have him on spiritual speed dial with our luck."

"Hey Edward, snap out of it, son!" Hezekiah sent a breeze to ruffle my hair. "The committee has no idea about you tormenting Charlie. I didn't think it their business. I'm here partly to talk about keeping your little missy alive. And you have other problems to wring your hands over."

"Granted. Why me, when you could have talked to Paula all along? She's a wolf, for crying out loud, and a tribal member. That gives two reasons why you should be able to pester her." I asked.

"We think she's got another mutated wolf gene like with that imprinting incident I mentioned. We can't reach her mind. So I needed you. And remember my directions; it had to be your choice. So sorry, son, I couldn't tell you."

"Oh. She's a bit more difficult than other humans, but I can read her."

"It figures," he chuckled, "Probably because you being a vampire and all."

"I didn't hear her earlier because her mind is quiet compared to humans, so I wasn't listening hard enough. Once I knew its sound, I could hear her. And that whole scentless business...." I raised an eyebrow remembering our surprise when she had lunged for Father's throat.

"No one in our history has ever lacked our signature scent. Larry is jealous. Ephraim acts like his wife just gave birth again. Paula smells like any normal human." He shook his head and then changed the topic. "And I reckon Genevieve is probably gnashing her teeth right now angry at herself for exposing her grandchild, and trying to figure out a way to fix it."

Speaking of her hanging upside down from the ceiling by her claws battle-ax of a Grandmother, "Why is it that you can communicate with me but Genevieve can't?"

His lips curved in a smirk as he responded with, "Why is it that you can read Paula's mind but I can't talk to her?"

"Oh. So that falls back onto my principle that the world is not exactly overrun with justice."

He snapped one of his black suspenders against his dress white shirt, "You got that right, buster. From what you've told me, we think that Genevieve and Liam and Jericho have been trying different techniques over the years to try to reach people. Sitting Bull says it almost seems like they are fumbling in the dark attempting anything they can think of. Sequoyah adds that he senses desperation mixed with sneakiness if they are reaching out to a blood sucker to protect their young. Sorry about the blood sucker part." I waved a hand. Sequoyah was right. "Speaking for the sneaky white man vote, President Roosevelt says their strategy is brilliant arming her granddaughter with immortals while encouraging them to stay silent to keep her ignorant and mortal. He thinks she's played you like a violin because you value her blood and are territorial over her. And he says you need to be a man and ask her out." Marvelous.

"It was a good move." I had to grant Genevieve that much, out of professional courtesy one manipulative liar to the other. "So why do you need me still?"

"She's the natural choice for a shaman. I have no idea how she'll communicate with the pack, though. Paula has to be taught how to use her powers, and I can't link with her mind. So you're going to have to teach her."

My stomach plummeted, "Hezekiah, I am terrible at talking."

"I know. But she can't teach herself. It doesn't work that way."

I had yet to work up the nerve to ask my poor heart-stopping singer to spend romantic time with me, but somehow I could battle Violet Gorgon. I was pathetic, because fighting the Gorgon seemed easier. I didn't have to fear rejection, be polite or worry about her tender feelings or respecting her in the morning. And now he wanted me to talk to a complete stranger for hours? I mean, really. It was absurd.

Squirming in my chair I repined to the leather arm rest, "I've spoken more in the past few months than I have in 80 years combined. I hate the way it makes me feel. I don't know how I could possibly." I bit off the sentence and stared at the rubble outside of the cave.

"Edward, you are capable of more than you know." His faith shamed me.

"We don't have time. I can't teach her everything she needs to know in a matter of days. ...unless you can show me how to beam your lessons to her like I did Gregory Clearwater's thoughts to the elders without my head exploding like it did when I tried that with my family."

"If you can make a link with Paula's mind, I see no reason why we can't try to do what you suggested with her teaching. You can throw all the memories of lessons at her, but since she has a human brain, she won't retain them all. Now it's up to you and Paula who phases and the environment."

"What do you mean by that?"

"The shaman's is usually triggered into becoming a wolf by something that happens that makes the women in the tribe fearful for their young. It's nature's way of protecting the vulnerable. Usually it's enough for the shaman to handle. But then if the danger continues, the shaman has to decide who else should transform."

"The women of the tribe did not know us when we moved to your area."

"Yes siree Bob, you're absolutely right. I had a dream your family would come. It told me you'd be important, and the dream alone triggered me to phase. I was a rare case. And since I knew there were lots of you coming, I made sure I had a few burly men around in case things got nasty. Turns out with that treaty and your aid in saving the lives of Ephraim's wife and child, and how we all died, I was right." He left unmentioned the part about stuffing me like a cabbage full of their lore and that nasty scene which made us leave the area all those years ago.

"So Lee Quill..."

Pain, regret, and misery transformed his wizened face, "Was an exceptionally bad choice on my part. I told you before with power comes sacrifice. Being what we are is a burden, and I really thought he could handle it. He is such a fine young man. He's been apologizing to his poor family ever since that night."

Despite all my joking about Lee and his family, I couldn't let Hezekiah suffer. "You would not have picked someone mentally unstable."

"Our lore had us not tell the young candidates and perform the ceremony on them while they were drugged."

For a second, the memory of waking up in the cabin all those years ago and discovering that I had not quite died called to me. Briefly, as Carlisle had explained to me what I'd turned into, I had prayed it was a nightmare. Then I'd hoped I had hallucinated from the Spanish flu's fever. Last, I'd begged to God for aid since I'd reasoned that I had simply lost my mind. Then my new hell had sucker-punched me into realizing the loathsome wretch I had become, as Carlisle explained how he'd turned me at my human Mother's dying request. I recalled deciding at that moment that I couldn't complain or express my horror because he'd feel guilty for honoring her wish. Hearing Hezekiah's words, I had a problem with the idea of deciding to turn someone into a wolf, particularly a young someone, without that someone knowing or having a say in the matter, especially when it was presented to them growing up as legends not fact. I'd heard whispered tales of vampires but had never believed in them. And I remembered quite vividly the sense of disconnect at realizing the stories had been true. I should stop mocking Lee now that I'd gained a new appreciation of him. We were spiritual twins terrorized by fate. No wonder Lee killed his family. It didn't seem to occur to Hezekiah why. "So you had to perform a ritual to change them? And did all the older men agree?"

"Yes and of course. We never selected someone without the family's consent or the individual's. Even after the first time they phased, if they rejected being a wolf there was a ritual we could do to turn the gene off." He had no idea how bitterly I wished that was the case for vampires. But we didn't have a gene to switch on and off.

"Were they or ones that were unable to phase, looked down upon?"

"No, because the families and the candidates kept their mouths shut." I would definitely be learning how to do that particular ceremony if Paula got out of hand. It would be easier than killing her, taking a page out of Jugurtha's playbook.

"We require a new tradition: regardless of age, the candidate always needs to know. I can remember how frightened Lee was when he phased. That is partly what set him off, Hezekiah, from what I could tell. He thought he had gone insane and that his actions weren't real." Ironically, he did lose his mind. I wondered if you went crazy as a mortal, did you remain crazy in the afterlife.

"Fine with me," He sighed. "But you still will run into the same problem. They won't believe the wolf legend and they'll be terrified when they transform."

I shrugged, "I think I can handle that problem." A sudden thought occurred to me then. "Wait, so Gregory Clearwater could have been a wolf?"

Hezekiah smirked in supreme satisfaction and said not a word. He had the audacity to whistle innocently brushing his nails of his right hand against his shirt tapping his right shoe on the ground. The geezer really had obtained the last laugh.

"Did Gregory know that you had the power to change him?" That would explain his anger at seeing the others wolves while he was not all those years ago.

With those stick-like arms, he resembled a satisfied scarecrow with an evil grin, "He didn't know back then. But he sure does now. With a frown, he shifted topics, "Edward can you explain about that strange voice that came from your almost girlfriend when that powerful vampire took a hold of her? I didn't understand the language. Larry and Ephraim were a bit perturbed because I phased when I heard her voice the first time. It set them all off, too." Virtuously, I ignored the "almost girlfriend" comment.

"How did you know about the power part?"

"Those of us with the wolf gene that works can tell by the sound of your voice how powerful you are. It's instinct. With my gift I can also tell by sight. That's another reason why I picked you out of the family to give the memories to. You had the most power. Since you all are awfully hard to fight, I figure that's nature's way of trying to even things out. The pack, if they could hear your voice, would know which one to attack first. And Edward that was the most powerful immortal any of us have ever heard." Fabulous. He and Genevieve were the twins of cheery news lately. Well, then, Violet Gorgon must have been awfully dismayed when I ripped her off my human and flicked her into the night like a dust mite. Evil mangy inappropriately possessive wench.

"Stop glowering and spit it out, son."

"She spoke Oscan, a language that was primarily used by older aristocratic vampires. And I've never met any immortal that had power like hers, either." Aside from my family and the Denali coven the only other vampires I'd met had been the ones I'd quickly killed back in Chicago. We hadn't chatted much, which was bad manners on my part, come to think of it. The least I could have done before dismembering them was exchange pleasantries. "I have no idea how whatever that was took a hold of Bella."

His answer all but reached into my chest and stamped on my heart. "It stands to reason that if Bella's Grandmother can use her to talk to you, why can't the red-eyed people, if they sensed the link? Now that they know it exists they're going to be awfully hot under the collar about trying again. Geronimo thinks it has to do with Bella being ill. And Sacajawea says we don't know if the red-eyed people are on Earth."

"Now my singer is being tracked by aliens from outer space?" I snorted.

"No Edward, who is to say that the red-eyed people are in physical form walking the earth? Her Grandparents and Great-Uncle aren't. This all could be evil spirits, you know. They do exist. You saw me use Jacob Black to communicate with you, remember?" Speaking of evil spirits and demonic possession....

"Since vampires don't have souls, I hardly see how they can be sitting around in the afterlife like you do."

"Edward, you have a soul." He said that like I was denying the sky was blue.

"I'm sorry to have to disagree." I maintained an even demeanor.

"Carry a soul-detector around on you do you son?" I said nothing in response to his biting sarcasm. This argument was pointless. I was a fiend and I knew it.

Amiably, he said, "Edward, do you remember the part of the fight where you were able to see the raven clutching at Bella's spirit?"

"I do." I hated the memory of the fear I'd felt at the sight of her suffering.

"You used the power to see her soul. Do me a favor; look for mine like you did for hers last night. Do it now." His voice became awfully deep just then.

What could I say? I complied to make him cease nagging. I squinted at Hezekiah and summoned power. His mortal form vanished to be replaced by a green pillar of fire. Shaking my head, I brought my thoughts back when I heard Hezekiah call my name. "That was my soul that you just saw. Next time you have a free moment, stare in the mirror and do the same trick. Or look at one of your family members and try it. Start with your Pa. That's your homework. Now let's see if you can teach Paula by practicing on teaching me. I want you to send me your memory of the fight with the spirit."

"I've named the voice Violet Gorgon. And the pet likes the name Grace." I closed my eyes at his chuckles and begged the spirits in Quileute for aid. 'Without my head trying to ignite from pain would be ever so nice,' I added. Hezekiah pointed at me and muttered some words. As I focused, part of the tribal lore unraveled. My hand of its own accord lifted and pointed at him. I could feel the energy flow from me into his mind.

Hezekiah's lips curled for a fraction of a second at my appeal, before adopting the grave expression he now wore as the vision began. Sure enough, at the sound of Violet Gorgon's voice in the memory he phased. The metal of his suspenders zinged against my cheek as his shredded clothing filled the air like confetti. As he stench-sploded, I leapt from my chair to give him proper room to exercise his wolf histrionics. He paced. Then howled a time or two. Green fire trailed from his claws as he sent the vision to the rest of the committee with a wave of his right paw. I heard rumbling sounds from the sky, which I think indicated their displeasure. I hadn't seen him in that manner in decades.

Supernaturally speaking, Hezekiah appeared like a poster child for starving werewolves in need of aid to the tune of five pennies a day kind of sponsorship. Despite being the size of a mammoth; he was emaciated and stringy, which could explain why he ate his chair - part of it anyway. The rest he held in his jaws and shook his head from side to side sending pieces of it and saliva all over the clearing. I ducked for cover. This was the second time I'd seen a wolf demolish a leather piece of furniture. And he was much more impressive about it than Paula had been. What he lacked in muscle he made up for in height, I thought, as I craned my neck and saw the fetid drool descend from his chops once he dropped the eviscerated recliner from his maw. Like thick strings of rubber cement, his drool smelled like ninety-three unwashed werewolves resided in his mouth. And that tartar build up on his brown-yellow crooked fangs was positively disgusting. I shut my eyes and whispered, "Hezekiah, for the love of all that is holy, please change into your human form. Your clothed human form." He threw his head back and bayed while digging in the ground. I had dashed to the far side of the hollow, inhaling desperately wilting against a tree. I stared at the window with the image of my singer, wishing I could touch her to feel her safe by my side.

He created a pit at wolf speed. I could smell the rich earth as he burrowed through the forest floor and vanished from my sight. From across the clearing, I heard him munching on boulders and the occasional grub he'd uncovered which tasted to him like candy. Then, I heard an epic belch.

Jugurtha said, "Quite the temper on that one." I agreed and crossed my arms. Those poor boulders.

Starched Shirt Edward hissed, "What is it about you and naked men today? We've seen enough human bodies. Make him stop and get dressed."

Just to irritate him I calmly replied, "I am a doctor. Twice. Professional."

"Yes, indeed, and _you_ are not a veterinarian." To get rid of the pest I asked, "Who is the patron saint of wolves? Surely there was someone other than Saint Francis that liked the beasts of the earth?" He scampered to the library muttering about my ignorance.

One second I had been hearing Hezekiah gnash rocks into gravel with his fangs, and the next I saw him bound out of the pit and start that pacing business again. At the first sign of the tell-tale green nimbus, I turned my back to him, until Hezekiah gave me permission. "Well Edward, it looks like we have trouble coming and it knows who we are. And the guys phased again they got so mad."

I raised a brow at him staring at the tattered remnants of the chair.

"Sorry about that son, it was either that or a tree. I get worked up now and then." He waved and the chair formed again, perfectly intact. Sighing, he bent his bony carcass into the plush seat.

"I beg to differ on the trouble part. The Gorgon clearly didn't access Bella's mind. Why else would she ask who we were? I did not get the sense that she spoke English, so looking at the map wouldn't have been all that helpful."

"Could you read her mind?"

"Well, no."

"Why not?"

"I can't read anyone in the committee's mind from here. So it makes sense to me that just because Violet Gorgon linked with Bella's spirit doesn't mean I could latch onto her thoughts. I can't read Genevieve's when she speaks through Bella, either."

He scoffed. I continued to press my case, "All that the Gorgon knows is that there was a map with pins leading to Forks, and how we smell, I think. Fine, and she knows what three of us look like, and maybe Bella and her dead relatives." Blast. We're doomed.

"President Roosevelt feels the need to argue that we don't know that the mob that haunts Bella in her dreams and the spirit you recently fought represent the same group of people. He says you have no evidence connecting them and have to presume you are being hit by multiple parties. He wants you to talk to your Father to find out why he's kept you all away from other immortals all these years."

President Roosevelt made a good point. I didn't like being around people, mortal or otherwise, so I'd never seen our behavior as unusual. And because we abstained from human blood, staying away from blood drinking vampires kept things from becoming awkward if they decided they wanted to snack in front of us. To me it had simply made sense when you factored in Jasper's venom scarred face and our desire to avoid others linking him with the Southern Wars. Hezekiah harrumphed and I gave him my attention.

"Edward, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you and Paula are going to have to work together and batten down the hatches and maybe call in a few favors in the vampire community. Something wicked this way comes. If you pick up and run, you'll be weaker when the storm hits. Whoever that was is mighty determined, mad as a hornet, and has been searching for years." Thunder sounded from above. "And your committee agrees 100%. Ordinarily, I'd suggest Paula start with one, but since we have no idea how many are coming; I think she's better off starting with six. If that works, then turn more if you need them. Don't go higher than ten. If you have a large pack, then it can get ugly because everyone wants to be the alpha. Or you could have two packs and increase the numbers if things got desperate."

"I'm sorry, how am I involved in this part again? She's the new shaman with the authority and power."

"Yes, Edward, but you are the one who's going to have to teach her how to turn the men into wolves."

Ew. My head started pounding again. I slumped in my chair and leaned forward, "You'll have to teach me how to turn the gene off, too."

"Good idea, Einstein. I planned on it, anyway. You'd have mass chaos, otherwise." He snorted. "You have to learn how to trust, Edward. And you're forgetting about your voice."

My voice hadn't cracked in ages, I think, at least a few hours. I had no idea what he meant. "I beg your pardon?"

"After using power like that and using it well, you change Edward. Your voice alone will get their attention. And brand new guys that have phased for the first time, well, their senses will be confused since you smell like a wolf and a vampire. Don't be afraid."

Jugurtha said, "Listen to the man, he's right."

As if I would ever create a legion of werewolves that could attack my family and fall for that transparent ploy on my masculine pride. But I was, I agreed with Jugurtha, for her sake and that of my family, unfortunately going to have to consider making a few dogs that would befoul the air. I swallowed my usual amount of gorge. After my episode in her bedroom the night before, I vowed I'd vomited enough for one day. Speaking of stench, I had a question that had been plaguing me since Emmett had pointed out that he could smell my human blood.

"So if I smell like a wolf why can't I detect it? I can smell my human blood. And why is my family not vomiting at the mere scent of me?"

He cackled slapping the arm rest, "Good one. You smell like the power of the shaman, not the wolf itself. And I think your kind can't smell our pure power, only the physical form of it - except for your Pa who can scent the evergreen that means you're in training. But the wolves most certainly can smell the power from you."

"But the tribe does not know about the whole shaman controls the phasing part."

"No, they don't. It died with me. That's why I gambled with you. And Gregory brainwashed them for years to think they phased at the first sight of a vampire. Since many of the elders have seen your family and no one in the tribe have turned, it's made them question the legends." His face became grave, "Edward, it took over a year to unscramble the memories that I had. Paula doesn't have that time, and neither do you. I'm going to have to train you harder and longer than I planned. Time doesn't run the same way over here that it does down there so that'll help."

"Can you teach me what I need to know in time?"

"Don't know. I'm sure going to give it a shot." He said quietly, "I'm going to close the window to your little missy for a while because I need your full concentration." I'd already thrown one fit today, so I inclined my head in agreement. One second, I saw my dear little one cuddling against me, and the next I stared at the trunk of a tree as the window to my world blinked out of existence. Hezekiah cleared his throat. "I've noticed that the power you've been using is either really strong or it starts to waver. That's a sign that you are working on learning how to control it. Remember, just because you performed the shaman ceremony on Paula doesn't mean the power will work in her, so we'll have to wait and see if the spirits accept her."

"Oh." Fantastic.

"Does she have this knowledge about how to select particular people to phase?"

"I can't get into her mind, remember? She has the potential to have this knowledge, but she has to unravel it in her brain like I did, and that will take her some time. And simply having the knowledge doesn't mean you can do it. That'll be the way she'll be tested as a shaman."

"What was that about a test?"

"The spirits test every shaman to see if he or she is worthy of having the power."

"Why would they do that if they already took the trouble of giving it to him or her anyway? It does not make sense."

"Edward, all power requires sacrifice. And you've been given more power than any one individual ever in our tribe's history and that of any other I've talked to up here. With that comes responsibility. I'm here to train you in using them. At some point though, you will be tested. Paula, too."

"By you?"

"Perhaps. Even I don't know right now."

"Am I taking a written exam of some sort?"

"No. You'll be put in some situation where you have to make a tough choice and sacrifice something." That didn't sound so bad.

"So what happens if I pass?"

"You get to keep your power."

"I thought I got to have the powers permanently?"

"No matter what you'll always have the power. You might not be able to use them correctly if you don't follow our traditions or if you use them improperly. As guards to make sure the powers don't get misused, we have tests built into our system. Even I don't have that ability to grant you free reign, son. Sorry." As usual they caught you with the fine print.

"Well, if it's just one test, I can see why they'd do it." I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly.

"There's no rule on how many tests you get, Edward. That's up to the spirits."

Had I been in his place, I would have presented the power the same way to a vampire, so I couldn't begrudge him simple strategy. "What happens if I fail?"

"If the spirits are mad, you lose the ability to use them again. They might give you another shot. It depends on the circumstances of the test."

"Would I lose all those magnificent side effects?"

"That's a good question. I don't know. I don't think so since you'd still have the powers in you." Somehow the injustice of that seemed typical of my desolate life.

"So how were you tested?"

"Gregory Clearwater's greed for power forced me to sacrifice our knowledge by trusting it with you."

"Did you die because you failed the test and gave the tribal memories to me?" The thought troubled me, and my voice reflected the guilt I felt.

"No, Edward. I passed that test because I retained my powers. It was considered to be a sacrifice in giving you and trusting you with all that knowledge - you, a natural enemy of my kind."

"But how was Gregory able to kill you then?"

"Easy. I chose to die," He sounded matter of fact about something so difficult. "I had a vision that showed me if I didn't offer up my life, he would have killed my Jenny. And I couldn't let her die at his hands. So I sacrificed myself."

I curled a lip, wondering what Hezekiah had done in a past life to make Fate give him that kind of conundrum, "So you passed the test but died anyway? How's that fair?"

"I passed the second test by sacrificing my life for the sake of the tribe and my family. I put myself in a trance so Gregory couldn't get me to talk and it was.....difficult....doing that. I could have phased, you know, but I knew he had to live for another five years so Harry could be born.

"So you freely chose your death?"

"That I did."

"What was the point? Why would they give you the power only to see you die like that?" I envied his ability to die and stay dead, mind you. The whole testing and passing by dying bit, that's what I wanted to find out about. If I could pass a test and be killed in the process, but attain heaven - that did not sound like a bad bargain. Although heaven would probably spit me right back out its pearly gates.

"I got to retain my powers in the afterlife, son. That meant I got to continue helping the tribe. And it allowed me to help you. Had I failed the test, I wouldn't be here now." Oh.

We worked for what felt like weeks on learning how to wield the power. It was the most confounding, irritating experience. Either they worked perfectly, or sulked in a corner, arms crossed like a spurned lover. Marvelous. Now I had performance issues of another kind.

"Hezekiah, why do I either succeed or fail completely?"

"You fail if you get distracted or when you let emotions overtake you. You could also fail if the spirits deny your request. He ticked off points on his fingers as he explained, "When you succeed, though you do because you have so much power. Also, you can use tremendous amounts of it, more than we've ever seen. And that occasionally attracts the spirits to you."

"So I'm some kind of spiritual lightning rod?"

He cracked a grin and said, "You are able to concentrate and focus all that energy with that immortal system of yours better than I could as a mortal. But you have to remember you're using it to help a human, and the tribe. So they answered your request even though as this stage you shouldn't be able to do it. The spirits like you, son, because some of the oldest and most powerful came to help you in that fight you just had. There was even one in there that was so old I didn't recognize it and that one jumped in during the last part."

"So am I possessed by the spirits?" Starched Shirt Edward leaned forward anxiously to listen.

"No, Edward, they offered you the gift of lending you their power. And when they do that, if you perform well, you get to keep a bit of it and grow. That's all. You don't have to worry about any spirit seizing control of your will."

"Well, that's a good piece of news to hear. No demonic possession. How stupendous. My century has been made."

We'd exhausted all that Hezekiah knew on the subject so he shifted to teaching mode. "One of your abilities is being able to move objects around but so far you've only been doing things like books and the rocks we've practiced with, although you've used it on Alice and Jasper during his first vision. Tonight you did it on Emmett and didn't even know it. But it was even more impressive how you harnessed the power with the irate old vampire. You literally peeled her off of your girlfriend's spirit using that gift. And the amount of energy you managed to summon caused more spirits to come your way and help. That actually pushed your limits. That's why you had a nosebleed and passed out. And regurgitated."

"Are you saying _that's_ as powerful as I'll ever get?" I tried not to sound ungrateful, merely curious.

"No, Edward, I'm saying the opposite. If you're starting out this strong, you're going to be downright scary when we're done. Using the gifts is kind of like training a muscle. You have to develop it over time and it hurts building it up. When I would use a strong amount of it, I'd always have a headache and nosebleed afterwards, or I'd vomit. And I had to have time to recover." Wonderful. Now I knew the source of my headaches. I wondered about the recovery period, though.

"I know all that had to smart since you've never used that kind of force. While you're here with me, your body is recuperating. Grace is helping a bit, in her own way. I think your head will still hurt a little."

His demeanor sobered, "I'm also mighty proud of how you've handled all this, especially how you stayed composed when Bella's heart misbehaved. You've been very brave. I know it's hard watching you when your heartbeat stops," he cleared his throat and I couldn't meet him in the eye. "Now we need to discuss your budding vandalism habit."

"I'm not sorry for tearing down that derelict deathtrap." Arms crossed, I grumbled defiantly.

"I know that, and you were right to do it, the thing does look dangerous and people could fall. And of all the humans on the planet most likely to trip, your little missy would be at the top of my list. Whoever built it was lazy and moronic. I'm more concerned about the blowing it to smithereens part. Has it ever occurred to you that you are in some ways kind of like a newborn wolf with all those raging out of control emotions?"

"Oh." At the memory of what Lee had done to his mother and the rest of his family, the memory of my tantrum in the forest turned the blood in my veins to ice.

"But you're scarier than a new wolf. You have more power. You are stronger. Plus, I have no idea how long you'll be like this. You need to make sure you run every night to channel that side of you, Edward. Or you really could hurt someone for real, like that cute gal down there. And it couldn't hurt to keep somebody like your Pa or your sneaky brother Jasper around you most of the time, in case you have another episode. When your emotions become out of control, so too, does your power. The next few days are probably going to be tough. And Alice is a treasure."

"You're right."

The word power made me blurt, "Hezekiah, how did the O'Shea family get the land?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would the tribe sell their ancestral land to white Irish farmers?"

"Well, that's easy, it was cursed. And they didn't sell it to white Irish farmers. They sold it to white Welsh farmers"

"What?"

"The land. It was considered cursed. When the Bowen family came and asked nicely if they could buy it and offered a fair price, the tribe didn't mind giving them that in exchange. They thought if they did, the curse would die."

"Who said it was cursed?"

"A shaman said poisonous spirits dwelled on it and the tribe should steer clear from it or face ruin. It passed through six different sets of hands before the O'Sheas bought it for a song. By that time, no one wanted to live on the land, white or Quileute."

"Why?"

"The owners kept dying in freak accidents." His mind showed me a few and indeed it seemed like something ripped out of a horror movie; especially the part about that tree falling and crushing the entire family while they picnicked together. Ick.

"So how did it go from being cursed to being a source of endless power?"

"After the fourth family died, the shaman at the time consulted the spirits. He had a vision that said the owners of that land would possess endless power. Since all the folk that lived on the land kept dying in ghastly ways, he thought it meant endless power of evil. He called the land "the spirit killer," and insisted the tribe had to stay clear of it, or it would cause destruction among us. As time went by many forgot the curse and remembered the power part."

"Did that shaman realize he predicted your death?"

"No. Ironic ain't it? You're a smart one to think of that ownership business."

"The committee says you need to take Bella to the O'Shea land as soon as possible even if she's sick. Continue examining her pendant and trace your sister's past; too, you all have neglected that angle. You need to tell Paula and Harry about the red-eyed people today. If I were you, I'd pick Embry Call, John Quill, Seth Clearwater, Colin Black and Simon Drinkwater to start with." He read my face before I could even ask the question. "John was the one I wanted to select in the family but he was too young to phase. He was the strongest of them all. He coped with the attack by learning how to fight during his lifetime. And his family is long lived. And it would give him closure about his brother." That was a word I kept hearing lately.

With the way my brain functioned, he only had to say the words of the phasing and un-phasing ceremony once, and the part of the brain that had the corresponding knowledge lit up.

"Oh and don't forget.....work on that courting business that Jenny suggested, and exercise every night. And Jenny and I loved the flowers and the grave digging part. Thanks buddy. We'll talk again soon. One last thing. Tell your Pa he needs to fess up about Vancouver." With that he stuffed me back into my body. I didn't even have time to wave. And he forgot to remind me to brush my teeth or scrub behind my ears while he dispensed parental advice.

All this wolf turning business had me fretting about the Don Quixote of the Quileute tribe, tilting at the windmill of stealing my future bride: Jacob Black. I definitely did not want Paula turning Jacob into a wolf. Surely she'd have good sense regarding her nephew? Especially when I made it clear to her that I'd squash him the second he phased?

Jugurtha said, "We need to bargain with her. We know how to make werewolves. She doesn't. We could leave her tribe to the mercy of whatever is headed our way."

"True."

He whispered a plan in my ear. It was, of course, brilliant. I needed to talk to Jasper.

On that note, my eyes opened to meet the concerned ones of Rosalie and Father. In her mind she said in Kung-Ekoka, a language from Namibia that about 7,000 humans still understood, _"It's eight o'clock at night on Thursday. Her medallion stopped shining fifteen minutes ago. She has a temperature, although it's not bad. Emmett and I have been working with the blade and have discovered that the venom they used to make it comes from the combination of an unusual type of vampire venom combined with king cobra, marble cone snail, puffer fish, and sea wasp venoms. If we all took separate trips we could probably come up with the venom from the animals, but I have no idea how we'd collect more venom from this vampire. And there's something we forgot to consider."_

"What is it?" I answered in the same tongue. She frowned as my accent wasn't quite right. Almost against my will I found myself staring at both, scouring them for the presence of a soul. Their forms fell away to reveal two beings. Carlisle's was a white flame with large bits of grey here and there. Rosalie's was also a misty column. Hers, however, had darker portions to it. I didn't worry about the colors so much as stare and gawp. I couldn't tell them what I'd seen. First, I had to think about it. If they had souls, then I must have one, too. And if Rosalie's was dark after having murdered seven humans, I feared what I would find after all the evil I'd done.

I heard Father's voice in my mind say, _"I explained the situation to Paula when she woke. She's waiting downstairs, helping your mother cook for Bella. She, Sue, and Harry have all been here and none could sense the lights or shields." _ His thoughts showed me the Clearwater's concern when they'd seen the two of us in our dreaming state. Harry had grumbled that he disliked how close I'd held my human. Sue had worried I'd unwittingly crush her with my strength while I slept. Then, my dear little one had whispered my name with a smile she always made when she won at chess, the temptress, and snuffled endearingly against me. Father and Mother had both explained the "we're enforcing strict boundaries" routine to the Clearwaters and Paula without having to resort to the, "our son is a century old clueless virgin," excuse. They had all seemed to grudgingly accept it for now, my sleeping with my girlfriend not my virginal status which they did not and would not ever know. And seeing as they couldn't do anything about it even if they did object, I mentally scoffed at their grumbling. My being outside the covers also appeared to help my case. No one explained the singer beeswax to them as they had decided that perhaps the Clearwaters would not deal well with knowing that I longed to suck the neck and other equally delicious parts of my singer every single second of my day. Starched Shirt Edward hissed in outrage and blathered about me needing to respect my dear little one. He even gestured to his empty left hand ring finger. Like I'd forget that exchanging of vows business. Really, he was an imbecile. Legally or not by mortal standards, she was mine. All mine. Vampire law said so. And in this world the strongest always survived.

Rosalie waved her arm at the force fields in place around my human. "Charlie's an idiot. Bella's not. What are we going to tell her if she can see the force fields?" Rosalie really didn't want to bite her. Or have anyone else bite her. Rosalie wanted my human to stay my human. I adored my sister Rosalie.

"I've already started the novenas to Saint Jude the patron saint of lost causes," Starched Shirt Edward informed me. How saying the same prayer for _nine_ days as required for a novena would help when trouble was arriving in _seven _seemed a bit silly. But if it kept him quiet and occupied who was I to complain? It hit me then about the whole raving mobs of marauding snobby possibly armed to the teeth beyond simply _having_ teeth business immortals. And this was interfering with my courtship and quality pressed against the flesh time with my singer. Blast.

By Jove, not only was Fate insisting that I transform a bunch of tribe members into stench-filled mammoth-sized mongrels from hell, it also plagued my girlfriend. Violet Gorgon and her Grandmother's fought a tug of war over my bottle cap's body like two human girls quarreling over a doll. And now I had to deal with the worst thing of all. That whole truth business. My life was a graveyard of buried hopes. In order to avenge the spiritual purity of my singer, save my family, and my own worthless self, I had to seek vengeance through non-traditional means. I had to embrace my natural enemy to my breast and teach her how to make more of that pesky natural enemy. Lots more. The thought curdled my venom. For her sake, and my family's, I'd do it.

In that instant Rosalie smacked me gently across the face to obtain my attention. "Focus, grasshopper. Oh God, I forgot about the headache and nosebleed. Sorry, Edward."

I waved an arm airily in a deadpan impersonation of Charlie, making her giggle, "No worries. I feel better." I did not feel dizzy, and although my head did smart, it was not as bad as before. And the nausea had ceased. Clutching my human might have had something to do with it. She always took the pain away.

We heard her waking, and I supplicated in Quileute at vampire pitch, "Seeing as you all hate vampires and I'm trying to protect a human beloved by the tribe, it would be lovely, kind spirits, if she were not able to detect the whole force field business." In haste, I moved from her side and sat on the floor holding onto her hand.

I didn't have time to tell Father about the wolves or Hezekiah's advice. I needed to make sure she hadn't been scarred for life. She shifted then and her lids started to rise. Mid-sentence, I halted my plea to the heavens and turned the green flames in my hand off, holding her hand with my other one, wearing a worried face. Father and Rosalie left the room wondering how I was going to tell her if I was wrong. In the privacy of my thoughts, I smirked when I heard Rosalie think, _"Bella is not as stupid as her father, who should have his own species."_

My human stretched and coughed, staring in confusion at her hand in my own. Without breaking the link, she rolled onto her side to the edge of the bed closest to me. She folded our arms closer to her so that they lay under her flushed left cheek. I sat there like a Neanderthal numbskull and said not a word.

"We keep meeting like this. Who are you?" Affecting composure I certainly didn't feel, I stared at her eyes to see if they were going to shimmer in violet. Mentally, I tested the force field which flared for a moment, yet remained firmly in place, and I started reaching out for power. Lots of power. I was ready for round two. The whole household listened on edge. Paula sensed my powers and asked aloud what was going on. Jasper and Emmett sped toward the room as my singer completed her question with, "and what have you done with my Fake Boyfriend?" She quipped in a hoarse whisper, her words slow. And she winced like her head pained her. I'm quite confident she had no idea why I had such a look of relief on my face at the words 'Fake Boyfriend.'

"It's Bella, not the Gorgon," I hissed at vampire speed through a grin right as my brothers prepared to storm the door. I mean, really, what were they going to do, dismember my girlfriend? That wouldn't help much. We couldn't kill her not only because it would enrage me, but we had human company downstairs and it would be ill-mannered. And Jasper for all his brilliance wasn't thinking at 100% capacity. Turning her meant we'd have a raging, irrational, demon-possessed newborn that would keep us occupied for far more than three days. And that definitely wouldn't help matters, aside from that whole stealing her scent and ruining her mortal life business. My family needed to think. Thank God they had me watching over them.

Father said, "Edward since she has a fever I'd like your brothers to stay in the hall outside the room for a while, as a precaution. And you should probably drink some more blood. I'll have some more bags sent up."

"Yes, Father," I answered at vampire pitch. As usual, he showed good sense.

My singer's lips moved and I failed to comprehend what she said since I was worrying about her being dead or dismembered or supernaturally vicious and all. "Why are you looking at me funny like that? What humiliating thing did I say in my sleep?" She gulped and blanched.

Oozing charm I used a courtly tone, "What do you mean, dear lady? You've been your usual wonderful self. I'm simply happy to see you awake and talking. As for anything you said in your sleep, I wouldn't know as I recently awoke." I caught myself almost answering her in Tagish at her smile, and lost my focus.

Women were so impossible to understand. One second she appeared happy, the next like her puppy dog had expired in her arms. She didn't answer she simply tugged my hand, tears puddled in her beseeching eyes, ones she fought not to shed. She may have thought she compelled me into bed, but I actually sprang over her the second I felt the pressure from her hand. My singer didn't have to ask me to take her into my arms. When I tried to comfort her by stroking her hair, her blood pressure spiked and she flinched, sucking in air.

Jasper said, "She's crying from physical pain Edward. She's frightened and embarrassed, too." Paula listened to every word. Jasper dosed our friendly neighborhood werewolf with his gift to keep her calm.

"Bella, my Queen, honestly how bad does your head hurt?" I kept my hand on her back, tracing it. Her shoulders had knots of tension all over them. I rubbed at one particularly bad one. I'd been reading up on Swedish massage at Jugurtha's suggestion.

She closed her eyes and sniffed into my shirt, "Bad. My throat hurts worst of all."

I could tell she edited, "What else?"

"I'm seeing white flashes of light at the edge of my vision. And your face is blurry." The words were torn from her like the Violet Gorgon was from her spirit and she sounded on the edge of complete panic. Seeing as my girlfriend never complained, and had perfect vision, this did not bode well. Mentally, I groveled in Quileute, _"I wasn't kidding about the flashes of light part. I want her protected and ignorant about it, thank you very much. I really don't want to bite her." _

Grace, my Quileute pet, sent me some kind of signal that I interpreted as it wasn't her or my fault my singer saw flashes or that of any good spirit. She emphasized that no one could listen in on our conversations. So this could be an aftereffect of the Gorgon or simply a migraine. My little bottle cap convinced me of that whole side effect argument when she jerked and fainted as my hand touched the back of her neck. I had fantasized a time or fifty about making her faint. But never like this.

She didn't have any lumps or bruising on the back of her skull that I could feel or smell. I rose on my elbows and leaned over her. Gently, I checked her airways after rolling her flat on the bed. "Bella, come back," I said in a firm tone listening for her heart, eyeing the medical equipment in the room. Resting my weight on one arm, I leaned over her lightly tracing my hand across her face. To my relief she woke at the sound of my plea. She croaked, "I still see them." She put her fevered hand against my shoulder and squeezed as she talked. A pulse in my mind let me know Grace worried, too. My singer's temperature went up a degree. With regret, I sat back facing her seeing as her fever made her smell so good and it wasn't the best idea for me to be so close to that delicious jugular.

"Bella, you have a very high fever which explains the funny light business, not to mention the fainting. We need to get some fluids in you. I'll call for my Father to come and look in your throat." I took her hand in my own.

I stilled at her next words, having to remind myself that I couldn't clench my hands into fists, "It's not the inside that hurts, Edward. It's the outside. I swear it's almost like I had a python around my back, shoulders, and neck." She rubbed the un-bruised column of her throat. I held onto my temper, showing a seraph's sad countenance. I was so going to dismember the Gorgon, and all her disreputable lackeys. Nobody touched my human, spiritually or otherwise. Nobody but me.

Unfortunately, I had to unclasp our hands to reach across for her medication and water that sat on my desk. I gave her a stronger dose of her painkiller. Her blood really would reek thanks to that medication, but considering she had a fever, that was not a bad thing.

She accepted the tablets from me, "Thank you very much Mr. Friendly Neighborhood legal drug dealer."

That earned a laugh, especially from Paula downstairs. I managed to persuade my singer to drink an entire glass of water.

She squeezed her hand in mine, "Did you get enough rest? You look exhausted." Why she was worrying about me at a time like this proved her fever must be affecting her cognition.

"I slept while you did." Her disbelieving expression made me add, "well I did for a while. Is your vision better?"

"No." At vampire pitch I called out to Emmett, "Do you have any birch wood?" If we could test to see if she could identify the scent of the Gorgon that might help us figure out if that spirit had been stalking in her dreams. He agreed and rooted about in his storage chest in his workshop. Mary Alice and Jasper kept our guests mentally occupied. Her temperature went up another degree and I'm afraid I lost my patience. I lifted her in my arms and carried her to the bathroom as she yelped.

"How'd I get to your house?"

I said the first thing that came to mind, "Easy. We broke into your place and kidnapped you."

"Is this a new hobby?"

"Most assuredly. We did so because your phone called my Father's and you were rude enough to be unconscious and not answer." It was the truth. Sort of.

She rubbed her eyes and said, "Edward, I don't know your Father's number, and I am not rude." Paula and my entire family took her side, damn them. When Mother had redesigned the house, she had given me the entire third floor. The capacious bathroom had a walk-in shower on one side, and a tub on the other that could probably fit five people. Rosalie had run a bath in the ridiculously large tub just in case my singer's fever spiked. My poor little bottle cap appeared baffled as I carried her to the tub.

Father said, "Edward what are you doing?"

"Her temperature is 103.5. I'm putting her in the tub fully clothed," I whispered at vampire pitch.

My singer shrieked as I deposited her in the lukewarm water. Clothed. Unfortunately.

"This is for your own good. You have a fever. We need to lower your body temperature." She spluttered moving clumps of her hair out of her face.

After placing her in the water, I leaned over her at an awkward angle as I started to back away which explains what happened, of course. She yanked me by the arm and I fell, and landed on top of her. I could have caught myself, but the devil in me decided to come out and play. Fine I did catch myself, but only after she'd been thoroughly dunked under me. Besides, the extra water would help with that fever problem. Kneeling in the four feet deep tub, I straddled her completely underwater body. Quickly, I pulled her up from the bottom making sure she breathed properly with a few judicious taps on her back. As I loomed over her our faces mere inches apart and glared she had the gall to smile and squeak, "Gotcha." Considering I had threatened to perform a gotcha - a when you least expect it expect it on her for smacking me with the pillow a few days ago- and had just performed one on her as she certainly hadn't expected being baptized by me - her turning my words against me was hilarious. I couldn't help the grin on my face.

I decided to act as if she hadn't surprised me. "Are you saying you desire company, my Queen? You have only to ask, you know." With a flourish, I moved in the tub pulling her so that she was seated to my left. We both fit comfortably. I was fully clothed. So was she. This was moral. My socked feet looked silly next to her bare ones that Rosalie had painted. And that green nightgown looked fantastic on her - even better when wet clinging to parts I was not too much of a gentleman to ignore. Although to my credit I was discreet. I glanced at her gorgeous wet body at vampire speed with a guileless expression all the time. Sitting in the tub with her emitting all that fragrance had me in a considerably improved mood. Her fever? Not so much. And sitting in such close proximity had me terrified at having to do that talking business, although I'd never let her know. I continued with my spontaneously scripted explanation of how we kidnapped - I mean rescued her from her Father's house. I'd practiced my script several times since dunking her.

"Jasper programmed it so your phone has my Father's number on speed dial. One press of a button dials him. When you had your attack you must have hit it by accident. You called; Father was on his way home, he heard no response and went looking. When no one answered the door he used the copy of your house key we have. He called us and we came down to help. And it's rude giving your Fake Boyfriend heart failure. You owe me serious chess time and a vacation or five. And I most assuredly plan on collecting. I hear the country of Wales calling your name." I made it sound so simple. And all but panted on her to help with that persuasion part.

She splashed a bit of water at me. "As long as you keep losing with the grace you do, I have no problem playing. And I'll vacation with you any day. What did my Dad do?" She glanced at the door like she expected him to come charging into the room. He had, just several hours ago. Mentally, I chortled at the image of what it would had been like had he found us just so.

"Snored loudly," I scoffed at her comment about my play, the silly human girl while my family cackled at her wit. Paula kept the Clearwaters talking to distract them from my family's unusual behavior. "Your father slept soundly and we didn't see the point in disturbing him And Rosalie and Alice might possibly have left a note suggesting you spent the night with us considering he's been hapless about your healthcare in the past. You are officially staying with us for the next week or so to beat us at chess."

Chief Swan had thrown the incriminating note away in the trash. Since today was refuse pick up day there was no way she'd ever know we forged her handwriting. We had the added benefit that Charlie had the attention span of a gnat, and Paula and the Clearwaters had joined in on the scheme to keep my singer here. Mary Alice predicted mentally that Chief Swan would never say a word. Jasper thought that pushing the 'angry at her father button' helped, too.

"I see." She seemed uncertain, hesitant even, as her face clouded.

"Milady, are you questioning my word of honor?" I sounded scandalized.

"Oh, no. I don't doubt a word you said. I have a history of doing weird stuff when I have high fevers."

"Like?"

"That would be telling," her smile didn't meet her eyes, ""I don't remember much after my head hit the pillow." I took her hand in mine as she was shaking from the water. Her temperature had lowered half a degree.

Emmett said to Jasper, "You won the bet. He did talk more than I predicted he would in two minutes. Dang." Apparently while I'd been unconscious they'd taken to betting on my word size.

"Is the pain better?"

"Yes, much."

She closed her eyes and sank a bit in the water. I splashed her, "No going to sleep and drowning for you."

"It's nice of you to notice, seeing as I can't swim."

"You're teasing me."

"Nope."

At my silence as I gawped at her, Emmett hissed from below, "Say something like, 'we'll have to work on that.'"

Rosalie said, "He's right, Edward." Then she went back to studying the blade using a microscope on a sample of the venom they'd managed to collect.

"Well, we'll have to work on that. I can't hang around uneducated people, you know. Bad for the image."

I kept my left arm around her in case she fell asleep.

"How do you spend the summer here and not learn how to swim?"

"I hate the water."

"You're sitting in it quite nicely right now."

"No, I mean I freak out at the idea of being in all that water in the ocean with no bottom. I'll walk along the surf, but I never went in."

"What about a swimming pool? Or a lake?"

"They don't bug me as much. Uncle Liam made me go once to a pool just to prove to him that I could float. We stayed in the shallow end. That was my one and only swimming lesson: the dead man's float."

We lapsed into silence that somehow felt comfortable as she leaned her head against me, listening to my heart beat. I prayed as usual that it would continue, but this time for a different reason. It would be all kinds of awkward if it stopped while she listened. Fifteen minutes later, her temperature had dropped another degree.

Father thought to me, "_Edward, you're going to need to move away from her soon. We don't know when your heart will stop._"

On cue, Rosalie came inside, laughed at the two of us, joined by Mary Alice. "Bella, are you responsible for Edward getting wet?" They giggled at the ridiculous sight of me and my singer's shy nod.

"He earned himself a gotcha. The devil made me do it."

This brought about more tittering from my sisters. Then my brothers decided to join in on the fun.

They appeared and Emmett said, "Hey Bella, we were looking for Edward here. Way to go dunking him. We need to borrow him for a second if you don't mind."

They literally lifted me out of the tub and frog marched dripping me out of the room, making it appear to the casual eye that I moved willingly. Mother threw a towel that landed on my head. Without a word I squished my way to my closet, shut the door on everyone and changed.

Emmett whispered at vampire pitch, "Aw c'mon Edward. We're all family here? You can change in front of us seeing as you had no problem being buck naked in front of Charlie."

I ignored the cretin, and Mother suggested they make themselves scarce to give my human some privacy. I opened the door as my singer emerged from the bathroom with a towel on her shoulders in a new light yellow nightgown. And undergarments. But I digress. Mary Alice and Rosalie led her back to bed. I sat beside her with my back resting against the headboard.

"Your father came by early this morning to see you. He did not want to wake you so left you this note." I placed it back once she read it with a Sphinx-like face. It went without saying that I avoided telling her about certain droopy parts of his visit. His. Not mine. Thank you very much. Mine were outstanding. 'Down boy, indeed,' I snorted.

Mary Alice handed my girlfriend a glass of Gatorade and said, "Here, Bella. I know you're tired of hearing this, but you need to drink more to lower your temperature." This seemed like a familiar routine now as I wistfully took the now empty glass from her hand and placed it on the desk by the note. Mary Alice and Rosalie invented errands and left.

Father walked in with a syringe in hand and mentally asked, _"Edward, I need to draw her blood, do you need to leave the room?"_ I shook my head, "no" as we all heard my heart start to slow.

I willed it desperately to continue beating for a few minutes more for her sake. I held onto her as she buried her face in my chest mumbling "I'm sorry, Edward," when Father drew her blood.

Jasper whispered from the hall, "She's really mortified to be showing weakness in front of us I think."

I bent my neck to where my chin hovered over the top of her head, and whispered, "I'm here. You're safe."

I didn't mind that Paula had excused herself from the living room and had sped up in the hallway to monitor my human. She didn't like the idea of Father drawing blood around us and preferred to witness. Father decided to allow her. Despite us being colleagues of a sort, I did not want her witnessing my heart halt. And Father knew that.

He said at a frequency that Paula could hear, "You can stay long enough to see that she's not harmed but after that, Bella needs her rest." Paula stood by my brothers in the hallway out of my human's sight.

To her credit my dear little one didn't flinch once as the needle pierced her skin, although her fingers tightened around my own. Perhaps I'd overestimated my fortitude. I wanted to leap upon that vial of blood in my Father's hand. Instead, I concentrated on my poor little bottle cap's pain, and the foul-smelling bottle of medication I'd left open on the desk sitting there like a carnival barker drawing a crowd. In desperation I stopped breathing. If she fainted it wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world, given my not breathing status and trying not to kill her part.

Mortified she whispered, "I'm so sorry," and then passed out.

My stuttering heart stopped on that note and Emmett firmly led Paula away to afford me solitude to suffer. From their thoughts I could tell they had filled her in on the human symptoms I suffered and I heard her thoughts say, _"I'm sorry Edward, hang in there." _

For half a second, I rested my head against my future bride's cheek, eyes shut as the pain swarmed, completely distracting me from the whole blood lust problem. It was so much easier to tolerate the heart stopping with her by my side. Father offered me three bags of blood. And Emmett had left those mouthwash strips which I took as well. My family left us alone for a few moments once Father sensed I wasn't going to munch a time or five on her neck.

Then it occurred to me belatedly that she really had been unconscious longer than normal. And my goodness; that medallion, the headlamp from Hades, felt awfully bright. Alarmed, I asked Father as he walked to his lab, "Has she relapsed? And her medallion is glowing again." I hadn't felt any shift in the force field. Violet Gorgon should be lurking in her corner of Hell, away from my human.

"No. Her initial tests are normal, which is why I'm running another series."

As she entered the room, Rosalie again speaking the Kung-Ekoka dialect suggested at vampire pitch, "If the necklace glows while she's conscious, we'll all act like it's a curious piece of jewelry and ask her about it. Maybe she knows something she hasn't told us." She had a medical chart in her hand.

"What's that?"

"Her chart." She flipped through the pages casually.

"That's not her chart. I've seen her chart. That's a different color." I should know I'd memorized it.

"That's because I made it, Edward." That stunned everyone else in the house except for my slumping singer, who must have been recovering because she started snuffling at my chest like she normally did when deeply asleep. And it sounded like a better wheeze than an hour ago. No drool, though, so things were definitely not back to normal.

At my silent stare, Rosalie shrugged her dainty shoulders, "I started keeping track when you became so distraught that first day in the hospital. I thought we needed an objective voice. Turns out I was right. None of you noticed her temperature always went up after her Grandmother would speak through her or show us a vision. Remember, some of those visions may have felt like an eternity to us, but only lasted in human terms milliseconds. The longer the conversation, the sicker she was afterwards." Since she had planned on killing my singer not too long ago, perhaps she had a point about objectivity.

I couldn't argue with her logic as she showed me her numbers. "You have a theory."

Rosalie did not appear happy about this one. Usually, she gloated at knowing something no one else did. "From what you told us, you put the necklace on her the day she was discharged from the hospital about an hour later. Ever since then, she's recovered at a 39% faster than she should have when compared to the Clearwater children."

"Her body took to the new antibiotic regimen and had it sooner. And she's asthmatic."

"So is Seth, and I controlled for that in my analysis, Edward."

"My apologies. I'm being horrid."

From downstairs in his lab Father said, "The idea has merit. Continue studying it Rosalie, and well done."

"Why do you look upset at the idea of her medallion healing her?"

"Because it might also be how the red-eyed people, or whoever the blazes that spirit was, the one that got into her last night."

Jugurtha said, "True. We'll simply have to maintain the shield and take a watch and wait approach." I sighed in agreement. Starched Shirt Edward wanted me to purchase a St. Jude medallion and put it around her neck. Since we were most likely eternally damned, I fretted that having a twice-damned soul-sucking leech touch a religious medallion for the patron saint of lost causes might not help her. Besides, she had enough metal hanging around her throat already.

The thing is, the only way to test her pendant's power would be to remove it, and I wasn't willing to take that risk with an untested shield. Not to mention, Genevieve might really dismember me in the hopefully unlikely event she was still spiritually skulking around. Emmett came in to check on her welfare. On that note, with a moan, my singer joined the living, surrounded by the undead.

Rosalie pushed a tablet and pen in my hands and reading it quickly I said, "Hey there, your friendly neighborhood drug dealer would like to know how you are feeling? Is our product line in need of improvement? Your satisfaction as our customer is important to us. On a scale of one to five with one being, 'I'd have to feel better to die,' and one being, 'I feel perfectly fine, go away you bloodsucking leech,' how do you feel?"

Rosalie had actually written that out for me on the pad I held. She was masterful in providing me a script to help. My head still hurt, and thinking on my feet proved challenging. Paula laughed so hard she fell off the sofa downstairs, startling Sue and Harry.

My human's lips actually curved to smile as she said, "Hey Rosalie, Emmett. Fake Boyfriend Drug Pusher." I now had a new title, it seemed. I found myself almost smiling back at her.

"You fainted when Father drew your blood. Do you feel well enough to eat?" I turned the pad over to Rosalie.

Perhaps that wasn't the wisest way to begin a conversation, combined with me removing my bloody from my nosebleed handkerchief I'd meant to dispose of from my pocket in a moment of egregious stupidity.

Emmett said, "Edward, you dolt!"

"I'm so sorry. I forgot it was in my pocket."

It had been surrounded in the plastic from a blood bag I'd consumed. I'd kept it wrapped in plastic in my pocket because I'd wanted to examine it under a microscope to see if it was normal blood. I'd unwittingly removed the cloth and the scent. She blanched, covered her mouth with both her hands and swallowed. Like a basketball player desperate in the last second of the game, I tossed it across the room in the trash, but it was too late.

Sometimes I hated pretending to be human, as perfecting our illusion meant we had to act as them at all times, with no exceptions. Humans couldn't get her into the bathroom in under 1 second. We could. I had help from Rosalie as we both simultaneously pounced.

Emmett rid the room of the bloody handkerchief as fast as humanly possibly within her vision; then at vampire speed out of it. He burned it in the kitchen sink before a stunned Paula, Harry, and Sue. Hampered by humanity's guise, Rosalie and I weren't able to carry her to the restroom at the pace we would have preferred when my poor human vomited across the bathroom floor as we carried her to the commode. And even I could tell that this upset her as she continued heaving. Our guests watched as our family began moving towards my room and decided, 'what the heck, let's join in on that parade.' Only Father remained in his lab working on a blood sample.

I had no idea what to say to make her feel better. "You're pretty even when regurgitating last night's dinner," somehow did not sound quite the thing to say. Neither did, "From observing your vomit you should eat more green vegetables." Or, "Isn't it great my sister is holding your hair so it doesn't get covered in vomit or dunked in the commode that your father recently desecrated and, by the way, I'm bigger?" Nor did, "Don't worry about the splatter on my pants, I have 78 other pairs and I don't need to breathe." Jugurtha told me I definitely could not say to her, "Even your vomit smells delicious, but we have to change your nightgown now since regurgitated corn does not work with your coloring."

Starched Shirt Edward insisted that we would not be adding my currently worn pants to our collection of her scent. Or her nightgown since it was a gift and we couldn't take it back. Fastidious frump.

I simply held her upright over the commode and kept my tongue still. Rosalie, thank God, stepped in.

She had my poor human's hair gathered in one hand holding it out of the way, and patted her back with the other, and I held my dear little one by the waist.

"There, there. That's it. You'll feel better in a second," my sister crooned.

The pills I had given my singer came up with everything else. I couldn't have her in that amount of pain. Father, working in his lab on her blood, grabbed a few vials of medication and syringes and came upstairs.

Having recently perfected the art of scrubbing floors, Emmett knew exactly where to fetch the mop, bucket and disinfectant.

He efficiently scrubbed the tile while she finished retching, teasing her, "Hey Bella. That's pretty impressive. You know guys love talking about barfing."

I wanted to chide him for teasing her at a time like this but it seemed to make her feel better in the midst of all that being sick business. Rosalie wiped at my girlfriend's mouth with a wet washrag. I held her aloft so she didn't have to worry about standing. Whistling merrily, Emmett collected the rags and cleaning equipment after wiping the floor dry and vanished as we carried her over to the sink. Unfortunately, she wasn't done yet. So back to the commode she went, and he turned right back around as well. On the positive side, she had slightly better aim.

Father said at vampire pitch from the hallway, "The preliminary tests show she suffered no heart damage from last night. And her blood count has improved." I mentally began scanning her to see if I could detect anything else wrong with her.

Rosalie hissed at me at vampire pitch, "Edward you've been quiet too long. You need to say something supportive. She's embarrassed at doing this in front of you."

Nervous, I said the first thing that came to mind, "I'm glad we kept a toothbrush here for you. Aren't you?" That didn't work too well. Rosalie narrowed her eyes and glared. My singer blushed and stared down at the sink scrubbing her teeth with zeal. I stared at my hands that rested on her waist in dismay.

Paula said at wolf pitch, "Edward, I know you don't talk much, but you should know that Bella is probably dying of embarrassment right now. I think you should look pathetic and woebegone. Then you don't have to say a word. She'll forgive you." Now I knew why she made so much money as an attorney. I had the looking pathetic part down pat from decades of practice.

Emmett had whistled while scrubbing the commode with disinfectant. At my comment, he stopped for a moment and said, "Sorry, Bella. Edward doesn't talk all that often and when he does he's kind of like me, with even less tact especially since he's been up all night worrying about you."

I squeezed her waist apologetically at his words, and met her eyes with a pathetic expression. Granting absolution, she patted my hand at her waist with her free one while scouring her teeth and tongue, and the roof of her mouth, and her gums.

Emmett continued, "I think what he meant to say was that even though you're sick we like having you here. Seeing as you now have a toothbrush kept here means you're officially part of the Cullen family, and that means a lot to all of us." He couldn't help thinking to himself that humans took an awfully long time to brush their teeth, although he admired her dedication to oral hygiene.

Well, Emmett simply summarized what I meant with my comment. Why was everyone except my human still glaring at me and shaking their head? Since telling off Genevieve, Emmett had become remarkably chatty even by his standards. Perchance I needed to behave bellicosely around Genevieve more often. It might help with my courtship.

I sniped to Jugurtha, "We'll have to reschedule asking her on a romantic excursion until she stops vomiting. That makes me sensitive, not lily-livered."

"Bring a trashcan with you, and ask her regardless. This is important, and you'll get points for being prepared should she require one." Jugurtha, as ever, evinced a vicious practical streak.

And here's where role playing being human came into play again. I could have changed her soiled attire in less than 30 seconds. Fine, Rosalie could have, since I would have wanted the extra second or thirty to peek, I mean examine her with professional acumen for as long as I could get away with. Once she realized what was happening with my singer, Sue insisted on being able to see her, and Mother agreed.

Aggrieved, I handed her over as Sue carefully patted my human's shoulder thinking it was unfortunate she didn't like being touched because she wanted to hug her. To her credit, both Mother and Sue appreciated she didn't want to talk and helped her change quickly. Mary Alice knocked at the door holding a pile of fresh clothing. I took the opportunity to change and Jasper made my clothing vanish into the washer, much to my dismay. Wearing Mother's burgundy nightgown, and the undergarments I had purchased for her while she had been ill that fit her quite nicely, might I add, my singer's color had improved when she emerged. Inspired by my competence at lingerie selection, I took one look at her in between them and decided she didn't need to take another step.

She didn't complain when I lifted her into my arms for the walk back to the freshly changed sheets waiting on our bed. I placed her sitting up on the edge near the foot, her back to the door.

Father said at vampire pitch, as he handed Mother a pre-filled syringes, _"It would be helpful if you would do something to occupy her mind."_

So I fell to my knees in front of her. My Parents had easy access to both of her arms. Even better, she couldn't see them coming. Noting the expression on my face of worshipful adoration, Sue and Harry thought I was going to propose marriage and sucked in their breath. As if. I wouldn't be foolhardy and propose in public like this, particularly with her ill? Right? I was delighted to note that I pulled off the worshipful adoration part. But marriage? Although I did have a ring within reach. It was lovely and appropriate. My human Mother had said so.

"Perhaps you should try kissing her first prior to proposing. Or even better, asking her out on a romantic excursion," Jugurtha flipped through my schedule.

"I'm all for marriage after a proper courtship. And no tonguing our dear little one in front of family and company." Starched Shirt Edward saved that last part for Jugurtha.

Gulping, I said to my singer, "I'm so sorry you're feeling poorly, and for my inexcusable part in it. I'll even lose a game or two in chess if it would make you smile."

I wanted to caress her cheek and instead put my hands on either side of her legs. Desperately, I stooped to stretching my cheeks in a poor imitation of a smile. Jugurtha reminded me that it would be awkward if in my nervousness I tore the comforter on either side of her that my fingers currently squeezed. I laid my palms flat instead and ignored that they shook. Damn human symptoms. It had turned her into a magnet. I felt like iron shavings. I had this strong desire to wrap myself around her.

My quip did the trick as she narrowed her eyes and managed almost to smirk. "It's not your fault I get sick at the smell of blood. I mean, really who does that?"

She would have blushed if it weren't for the fact her countenance already contained hues of pink from her temperature. With the audience in the room, I had to act. I did it for us. For our future.

I said, "Father has mentioned several patients fainting around blood over the years. That makes you slightly odd, but good enough to keep company with us. If you're feeling better later, would you care to go for a drive? We could drop by the bank and retrieve your chess set? Would you like that?" Please like that. Pretty please? I'd like to think I retained my natural dignity, but from Grace's perspective there was a penitent air about my form as I knelt before her in supplication.

"Yes, I would." There. I'd asked her on a romantic excursion and she had, much to my surprise, probably as a result of her fever, agreed.

The Clearwaters and Paula didn't need to know about that whole fake courtship business. Paula thought the Fake Boyfriend talk was a joke - which is was. We were really dating. Now. Sort of.

Perchance the shock showed on my face. Hers became remote before she pushed against my shoulder playfully and said, "You know I'll agree to just about anything to spend chess time with you Edward Cullen. You're corrupting me." Little girl, you had no idea.

Mother moved feeling all misty-eyed proud of me for having asked my girlfriend out on our first date. Father said, "Well done, Edward," at vampire pitch.

Moving at lightning speed, he and Mother simultaneously injected her with medication for pain and another for nausea. She squawked in surprise at the double sting but stayed conscious this time; although she swayed forward. Her forehead touched my own, as I held her by the waist.

Father said, "Sorry about the sudden shots, Bella. You've probably picked up a 24 hour virus that has triggered your asthma. All the tests I've run have said you'll be fine. But since you gave us a scare last night, you're going to have to stay in bed for now, and we'll be running more tests. Since your fever is so high, we're going to have to keep you on an IV drip for just a few hours."

At his nod, I lifted her legs from the floor and helped her get under the covers.

"What do you mean I gave you a scare? I don't remember much about last night except feeling like someone was strangling me in my sleep."

Father glanced at her un-bruised neck and sighed mentally. "Your heart stopped when we found you briefly. We had to perform CPR, Bella."

"My Grandmother used to have attacks and her heart would start and stop. I even learned CPR. I'm not surprised it's happening to me. We learned how to handle it. You could tell, my Dad, although I wish you wouldn't. It would scare him." Funny, Paula and the Clearwaters agreed with her.

And it should scare the wits into her parental unit. And I'd read about the attacks with her Grandmother but they were due to a heart condition that my singer showed no sign of having.

Father feigned a hesitant expression, "I'll respect your wishes to keep your condition from your Father if you stay with us and allow us take care of you. Do we have a deal?"

They shook on it. Father thought she had a nice handshake for a human girl, and that someone must have taught her well. I thought Father was amazing for arranging her to stay in my clutches even longer.

Sue and Harry came forward and kissed her goodnight on her forehead. They had to get back to their children. They left and Paula elected to remain a little longer. I needed to talk to her anyway, so I did not mind. Mary Alice and Emmett led them all downstairs accompanied by Mother, who bid the Clearwaters goodbye.

Mentally, I crossed my arms and fumed at the heavens. Oblivious, my human crawled under the covers that Mother pulled over her, as Father inserted the IV. Right before she went under she reached out and touched my hand. I didn't mind sitting on my own floor in my own bedroom and holding her hand. And I earned points from my family and our guest for sitting this way, another added bonus.

I had been putting this off as long as I could, but now had to speak. And Paula couldn't understand Kung-Ekoka, anyway. But just in case she decided to surprise me I avoided looking at where she sat on the sofa downstairs by Mary Alice as I sent a wave of power in her direction and knocked her out in three seconds.

Father said, "What was that for?" noting my use of energy at her.

This was the part of talking I loathed. "Jasper, would you mind joining us?" To Father I said, "I talked to Hezekiah a while ago." I had to break the bad news about the stench-splosions that were most likely going to be occurring as soon as possible. Jasper entered the room and leaned against the window wall.

Father had been afraid to ask. "What did he have to say?"

"His gift tells him something bad is on the way. He told me I have to make wolves tonight."

"I beg your pardon?" Jasper asked me to repeat that as if his perfect hearing had failed him.

"Our new shaman has only had her powers a few hours. It could take her over a year to figure out how to use them, and that's only if she passes tests the spirits have set up for her. Hezekiah taught me how to turn on the wolf gene."

He squinted at me. "What if you pick someone who attacks us?" Jasper quizzed me.

"I can use that handy wolf power shield I have," I responded quickly.

"Your power is new, what if that fails?" he rejoined, crossing his arms. Jasper sounded like a frumpy teacher examining a student.

"Hezekiah told me they can tell how powerful we are by the mere sound of our voices. And mine confuses them because they can smell the Quileute power in it as well as the vampire. He said I probably would scare the living daylights out of them." I hated talking this much. "I'd hate to see what your gift alone would do. I think I can control them."

"What if you're wrong?" Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.

"I know how to turn the gene off. And if that doesn't work, and your gift doesn't work on them, well, you can eat them." I bared my teeth in what might have passed for a smile.

"Clever. We have to be prepared for whatever is headed our way and need reinforcements. And we'll have to call Carmen and Eleazar. They'll definitely come."

Mother said from downstairs, "I think I'll go do that right now."

"I'm going to have to do the ceremony tonight to give the new wolves time to practice phasing."

Father and Emmett said at the same time, "We'll have to isolate them."

Sitting by the slumbering Paula, two floors below, Mary Alice said, "I don't need to have a vision to tell you that we're going to have to restrict them to living in one of the downwind guest cottages until they can control their phasing and threaten them within an inch of their existence about keeping their muzzles shut."

Rosalie and Emmett came into the room. Rosalie looked fondly at her mate and sighed, "Mother, they're probably going to be exploding half the time at inopportune moments, we'll need to have Sue help to make sure we have a large supply of clothing in their sizes."

Father nodded in agreement. Somehow, I always found it odd how we could be spread all across the house and carry on normal conversations. Mother was in her study on the first floor, we were on the third.

Emmett said, "We have to install functioning equipment in their cottage so they can clean their clothing. I don't think mixing the scents in our washer would be liked by either party." Jasper thought he was being silly.

"And just so you know, they really do stink," I added. Jasper and Mary Alice had never encountered them.

"How bad?" Mary Alice asked sniffing at the wolf-stench scentless but still smelling like a human Paula.

'If sulpher ever decided to up the ante and live on the edge and make herself smell five times worse,' seemed like a mouthful. Instead I said, "Putrid enough to make you want to vomit."

"Oh." Jasper now reconsidered that eating joke of mine.

"This requires a new treaty, I think." Jasper said. He turned to me, "Do you want me to add into it that Paula will never change Billy or Jake?"

"I don't care either way."

"You don't care if she makes them wolves?" Emmett couldn't believe his ears as he glanced at her snoring form. From different floors of the house, she and my singer were serenading each other.

"Billy can't heal his spine; he'd only be able to sit on the ground and stink. I'd kill him regardless. And I believe Paula understands that Jacob lacks the temperament to be a wolf."

"And we should have a clause in there about defending each other when attacked by external parties, as well as in what circumstances we are willing to come to their aid." Jasper said, "I'll get to work writing up an addendum to the original treaty."

"And the family clause stays the same. That's a deal breaker." Rosalie surprised us all by insisting.

"Father," I said reluctantly, "Hezekiah gave me a message to give you. I've held off talking about it all this time because I didn't know..."

"Go ahead Edward." His gentle voice soothed.

"He said, and I quote, 'you had to fess up about Vancouver.'"

Silence reigned.

"I believe there's a lost coven there. I've been familiar with many of these covens for centuries. Knowledge of them and not reporting it to the Volturi alone is a death sentence. Do you understand why I haven't said anything until now?" Apparently this was news to everyone in the room, Mother especially.

"Is the nearest one in Vancouver?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know. I think so. But I can't say for certain. That particular one is very closed off even by the lost coven standards."

"How many are there in the Vancouver one?" Jasper asked.

"I haven't counted lately, but I'd estimate at least twenty."

Mother's hopes soared, "Will they help us?"

"If they received my messages then they're debating it now. I think they will."

"Are they powerful?" Jasper cut straight to the heart of the matter.

"I do not know. I've never seen all of them."

Emmett said, "You've never seen the coven but you've communicated with them?"

"Yes."

"I don't follow. How? And Why?"

"It's almost unheard of and the Volturi don't like to advertise it, but vampires can get ill. It's rare, and that's why the Volturi liked having me around. I was good at curing the few illnesses we did encounter. An immortal female contacted me at work years ago. She was very ill, and she couldn't be hospitalized for obvious reasons. I kept her in my office and treated her. I'm guessing at the coven's numbers because of the amount of medication I had to create although they could have lied and had me make too much."

"What was wrong with her?"

"It's very rare, but there is a virus that can impact your venom functioning. Birds transmit it, and they were infected."

"Did you heal her?"

"I did, although she was in poor shape. I treated her and created a medication that would work when they added it to their meal. I'm guessing they live in Vancouver by the area code on the phone number I have for them, but I could be wrong." He wondered if they lived close by. What was odd was he was talking about the encounter but neither Grace nor I could pick up a mental image from his mind.

"Why didn't you follow her?" Rosalie asked the obvious.

"I wanted to earn their trust and I never tried to monitor them since they did not appear to be hostile toward us. I sent two boxes of the serum with directions on how to make it just in case they needed more and were too afraid to ask. Also, I protected our family by not having that knowledge in case the Volturi ever questioned me."

In his mind Father had thought that the fighting had gone on long enough and that he was not going to stir up a conflict when everyone was clearly living in peace. He thought the lost covens had a right to live as they chose free of the Volturi.

"What else are you not saying," Jasper asked what was on my mind.

"I don't know if it is important because it could have been due to her illness, but the female vampire - she never gave me a name so I called her Eve as a joke - her eyes weren't maroon. And they weren't topaz either."

"What?"

"They were deep green just like a human's. I've never seen anything like it. When she was ill they were a different color, almost pastel."

Mary Alice said, "She didn't drink blood?"

"Believe me when I say I spent years trying to find an alternative, centuries in fact. I have no idea why her eyes were that color. Diet is one possibility. I know that she refused the blood I offered and instead took the serum in its pure form."

"Did she improve?"

"In twelve hours, she was strong enough to leave. She thanked me and left me a contact number in case we ever needed help. Over the years I have sent other medications to them when they contacted me through email. They have a web site that I've used today to communicate with them. I was instructed to only use it in the case of an emergency. I asked for their aid but did not tell them specifically what was wrong."

"Hezekiah did not say they lived in the area." I felt the need to point out.

"I see."

"Do we know when they will make their decision?" Emmett asked.

"No. We don't. And the number I was given to use first in emergencies did not function. Either we will hear from them, or we won't. Bella's tests all came back normal. I know it sounds strange, but I think we should see if she can tolerate school tomorrow. It will be Friday after all, and she can use the weekend to recuperate."

Grumbling, I realized it would be a test to see if the pendant did help her. If Father wanted her in school, she'd be in school. It wasn't like I could contradict him. Besides, the likelihood of her being that well, I'd like to bet on Father being right. I nodded.

Father said, "I'll call Harry and break the news to him. Who did Hezekiah want turned into a wolf?"

His eyebrows raised when I gave him the list. He went off to call Chief Clearwater at home, despite the hour.

Once he had finished hyperventilating at the news, Harry had insisted on adding in Sam Uley - possibly to get him away from his daughter by either killing him, or keeping him too busy to have the energy to fornicate with her. He agreed to gather the men and come to the house that night. His heart flinched when he thought of his son facing immortals. He thought to himself, "I thought the 'where did I come from' talk with the kids was bad. This one is going to be even worse."

Seth appeared to take it well. Leah, not so much. I observed her screaming in rage about how unfair it was that her Sam and her brother both were being taken away from her, and why couldn't the Clearwaters just take Swan and move? Leah needed to grow up; I sniffed, perusing Seth's brave face.

With her hands, Leah wiped her eyes, and considered telling Swan herself. Her father, reading the expression on her face, explained that pesky little Volturi law issue and that she'd be condemning Bella to death or worse, immortally sucking on the necks of animals. Then he told her about Los Angeles. She ran from the room crying in fear for her sister, feeling like a traitor. Life was so unfair. She had no idea, although I agreed with her.

Rosalie lifted Paula and carried her back to the guest bedroom. Jasper said, "I'll talk to her as soon as she wakes up."

When my girlfriend awoke half an hour later, we were alone. I stared in her eyes wondering which voice would answer, afraid to find out. And it took considerable skill to keep my features bland

"I keep waking up with you on the floor. Why are you sitting there?" She sounded confused and her head must have still hurt by her scratchy voice.

"I thought you'd be more comfortable this way."

"You thought wrong. I've had the strangest dreams, and I feel like I haven't slept at all. I need you to keep them away." She crinkled her nose and weakly pulled my hand.

Yes ma'am indeed. The things I was willing to do for my future girlfriend - soon to be bride, I mentally sighed, and continued to organize her world in my mind. Outside, I put on my best Dream Edward face. It was time for the Pretend Me to return. I didn't know what to say, and gulped a time or two inside my panicked brain. The mask of composure I wore allowed me to maintain eye contact with her as I slipped off my shoes and crawled in beside her.

"You are the perfect Fake Boyfriend, Edward," She snuggled against me, and closed her eyes with a sigh.

"You're simply perfect, yourself." I sent her back to sleep on that note as Rosalie came in and changed her IV.

That's when Grace's mind called out that something was wrong with my girlfriend. Grace was angry and afraid.

Rosalie noticed my shift in mood, Jasper too, as both said, "What's wrong?" at the same moment.

"I don't know. Grace says something's wrong."

Perplexed, I scanned my singer's body. I noted the shields held in place and all the rings burned with the same intensity as well. She wheezed like she had for the past hour at the same rate. Her heart beat was normal. I remembered my girlfriend's comment about her throat hurting, but didn't smell any bruising. I pushed back her thick tresses at seeing an unfamiliar light, wondering what the force field was doing differently now.

Stilled at the sight, I sucked in a breath of outrage. Panicked hands turned her head to the other side and I nearly screamed in rage. Fine, I did bellow, a veritable symphony of masculine anguish contained in a primeval roar. And yes, she slept through it because I had the good sense to dose her and the still-out-light-a-light Paula with power before becoming hysterical.

Jasper and Mary Alice came running along with the rest of the family as he sensed me about to explode.

Jugurtha chanted, "You can't do this in front of your girlfriend. You must stay in control. Think of her welfare."

Starched Shirt Edward intoned prayers desperately at his bench. At hearing the glass in the window wall rattle and feeling the beginning of a tremor I managed to seize control of my temper.

"Edward, what in heaven's name is wrong? I've never heard you scream like that." With wide-eyes, Mother saw the furious expression on my face, and my head did that catching on fire thing again that had frightened Emmett and Rosalie.

I gestured, "Her neck."

Mother thought my voice eerily calm considering she knew how angry I was. The flames in my irises and on my head scared her. In addition to worrying about my welfare she feared I'd turn my singer into a supernatural shish-ka-bob if I wasn't careful.

Perturbed at their inaction, I lifted my singer's head and pulled her hair away, laying it over the pillow and above her body. I tore open the collar of her gown exposing her throat, shoulders and upper chest but still leaving her modesty as I wasn't about to expose her breasts to my brothers. And for crying out loud, the first time I touched them would most definitely not be in front of an audience of my family. I ignored the raised eyebrows of my Parents, Rosalie, Mary Alice, Emmett, and Jasper who had stepped forward thinking I had lost my mind when they all froze in bewilderment.

For once, I did not mind at all if others gazed on what was mine by right alone to see. My girlfriend's unbroken skin was coated in venom. And it wasn't mine, or anyone in my family's. And it didn't smell. And to the rest of the room save me, neither did she.

* * *

**AN: We finally learned about how the wolves (and why) started phasing in the first place and why Hezekiah had to use Edward to reach Paula. We also learned that Edward's gifts have strings attached, and that Paula despite being the shaman might have trouble using the powers. After consultation with Hezekiah and his Committee Edward has come up with a plan of action for investigating the O'Shea power mystery, learning about his own gifts, and courting his singer. Further, after considerable thought, he has decided to help the tribe create new wolves. Oh, and he finally kinda sorta asked her out on a date. And a guarded 24 hours around the clock Bella just showed some really odd symptoms. You'll need a seatbelt for the next few chapters, folks. Consider yourselves warned. *evil grin* *rubs hands together in unholy glee***

**Dream Edward is blinking at you, blowing kisses and begging for a review. He has needs, too.**


	33. HOD pt 22 Scentantic Shenanigans

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. ****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, the avians, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**The Cullens have less than a week to come up with a defense against the red-eyed people. In our last chapter they discovered that they've had a scentless vampire blade laying about all these years in Edward's room. Hezekiah explained the secrets of the wolves and why he still needs Edward's aid. Bella awoke in pain feeling like she'd been strangled in her sleep with a fever. She and Edward bonded over his ineptitude at communicating. Edward asked her out on bended knee for their first romantic excursion. When we last left our story Edward and his family had just noticed that something is different about Bella. Edward can smell her scent, but his family cannot.**

**This chapter goes out to VJGM –She knows why and to Notmyself, who hilarious sense of humor constantly inspires. Especially when naming yet to be introduced characters. Ladies, you totally rock, and your support of this story is one of the reasons I keep writing it. Not to mention for some odd reason VJGM keeps validating the chapters I give her. Many thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter. A thousand thanks a thousand times over to all those who have reviewed and supported this story. It means the world.  
**

**Help a writer out and leave a review or two. I could use the love. You all have no idea how inspiring it is to read about what strikes you. It really does fire the muses. And remember to fasten those seat belts. Oh, and anyone offended by the idea of Edward tearing the clothes from Bella's body should definitely avoid this chapter. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Twenty-Two –Scent-antic Shenanigans **

What my disbelieving eyes perceived did not make sense. Considering each of us had them, we all knew exactly what venom did when applied to human flesh. We knew what the scars left by its remnants appeared like. These weren't those. Her flesh had not been marked by teeth. Instead, she had dark finger marks where small hands had held her neck in a vise-like grip and squeezed by the depth of them, multiple times. Reminding me of the Gorgon's effect the scars burned violet and silver at once much unlike the color of the silvery white venom scars that we knew and all possessed. Like storm clouds boiling across the sky, the bruises appeared like they were moving on her body. Underneath the lowest level of the shields I'd placed around her, I noticed that she'd acquired a thin film of pearlescent venom that covered her from head to toe. Yet her skin felt dry to the touch. And that wasn't the worst part by far.

"Edward her scent. It's simply vanished," Father's mystified voice switched to speaking Saami, a rare dialect from Finland.

"That can't be right," Emmett, the best tracker among us took several large sniffs and sensed nothing of her. He walked up to her pill bottle that she'd touched hours ago and that, too, only smelled of the plastic, paper, ink, and medication. Nothing of her.

Somehow, it didn't seem appropriate to stand up and snarl, "Ok, which one of you bastards drooled on my singer?" I could smell all of their venom. From her? Not that she had any vampire venom natural to her system, thank the Sweet Lord in High, I got nothing but her scent. And an eyeful of the impossible.

If not for her heart beat and signature wheeze, the others would have sworn a slick-fingered illusionist had spirited my dear little one out of the room and extirpated all traces of her as well. Because of the manner in which the human body functioned, our hyper-aware senses literally made it child's play to search the environment for a mortal. And what we detected simply couldn't be.

Mother said, "Even with the scent of her blood gone we should be able to smell her breath, or her sweat, something on her body. Carlisle, I can't even catch a whiff of the clothing she's wearing. If I didn't see her in front of me, I'd swear she was gone."

Everything had an odor to it. Vampire brains, being more advanced, would simply process all the smells and identify and categorize them at blindingly fast speed. Normally we registered what they were and tuned most of them out, especially that blood part. In this case, standing there watching her, the _only_ thing we could smell were the accumulated scents from the objects in the room and of course, each other.

Rosalie said, "I'm seeing it right in front of me and I know it's there because I put it on her, but I can't smell the nail polish on her fingers or toes." She actually lifted up her hand and sniffed. "Nothing."

Mother whispered, "I can't even smell the metal of her necklace." She leaned forward and put her mouth dangerously close to my singer's neck. With Rosalie sniffing at her fingers, Mother at her neck, it would be all kinds of discommodious if she woke up right about now. Both Mother and Rosalie belatedly reached the same conclusion without me having to speak and smacked their heads together in panic before both guiltily moved away from her.

Jasper said, "I have seen some peculiar marvels in my time on earth. I've never heard of anything like this."

Mary Alice said, "I can smell her blood although her scent is faint. I can't smell her clothing."

Olfactory speaking, she'd been virtually erased to almost everyone but Alice and me. And I, for that matter, couldn't smell her clothing, or her charm bracelet. It irritated the atavistic side of me to learn that_ my_ scent had also been erased from her body. Considering we'd been constantly touching for hours I didn't know what to make of that, either. I would of course be rectifying that matter immediately, once we had some privacy. But I could smell her necklace and of course, thank the sweet Lord on high, her blood. How peculiar. As an experiment, I ran my hand along her arm and then tried to detect my scent. Nothing. Then I leaned forward and took a second and third glance to make sure I was not hallucinating.

It took work to prevent my hands from shaking as I felt the ridged skin along her neck. No matter what roiled inside me I had to show I was in control to my confused relations considering that I'd just screamed like a stuck boar. Fearing what I'd find; but knowing I had to look anyway, I turned her neck to the other side and listened as my family collectively inhaled in outrage.

From his perch looming over my shoulder, Jasper uttered a vulgarity that loosely translated to "Gracious me, I'm so surprised," a record second oath within a 24-hour time span from a man who rarely cursed in the presence of gentle women. His was uttered slightly before Emmett's considerably filthier one that questioned the ancestry of the Violet Gorgon and mentioned fornication unlawfully without the consent of the king along with her name. Had I been less of a gentleman, I would have contributed a more precise description on that issue, and I definitely wouldn't have compared her to a female dog. Canines were reputed for being loyal and faithful, stinky as well. But I had priorities. I'd be spiteful later. Too distressed to correct their atrocious language, Mother wept at what she saw.

It appeared that when the Violet Gorgon had clutched my singer with one hand, she had branded the side of her neck with the other with a familiar mark: the shape of a bird of prey. It hadn't been detailed in Liam's drawing, more a vague shape whose identity we'd had to guess. Carlisle had been amazed that human Liam had even noticed the mark enough to draw it as our scars escaped mortal detection. On my poor little bottle cap's throat, however, the design was hideous in its grandiosity. About three inches across, it appeared to be a bird in flight, sharp talons outstretched below graceful arching wings. She'd even detailed the feathers in the design so you saw the pattern of light and shadow in the mark. And even I had to admit it frightened the words out of me to see that mark. The bird appeared ready to spring off of her and tear me to ribbons by the expression in his pulsing beady little eyes. Even worse, he looked like he _could_ at any second. I must have imagined it because he seemed to blink at me. He needed a name. I decided it was appropriate to call him FitzCarrion as it served the dual purpose of labeling him a bastard and insulting him for having his putrefying presence on my singer's immaculate skin.

"Edward, you gotta help me out here. Bella seriously does not look like the type of girl to run out and get tatted while our back is turned, you know?" Emmett said in a jovial tone that cracked in the last part. Where FitzCarrion appeared on her throat Emmett rubbed the spot on his own, as if that could make the mark on her disappear. My gorgeous girlfriend would never be uncouth and mark her flesh in such a tawdry manner.

The thin thread that I'd been clinging to snapped and I lost my composure. In my defense, so did the rest of my family. Mary Alice burst into tears frustrated beyond words in her impotence to aid us. Starched Shirt Edward shed a tear or two along with them, although his were from anger as a vein throbbed in his red forehead. I expected to see steam erupting from his ears, mine too, for that matter, as he whispered, "What work of demons is this? You must remove that clothing now."

"You, Mr. Manners of the immortals, are ordering that I strip my future bride naked in front of my brothers?"

"No. You need to lift the cloth and quickly examine the area over her heart for the mark of Satan," he hissed that last name. After pacing a few times he marched to the bench and took out a book on exorcisms and piously started reciting the prayers on behalf of our dear little one. I shook my head and returned my focus to the room. He did have a point about the marking and all. I figured, however, that when I'd been turned since Satan hadn't marked me, I doubted he'd bother her. Using my wolf powers at a speed my family couldn't even track I moved. For her. I did peek, just in case. No sign of Satan, thank God. I still say her chest was perfectly proportional.

Deciding it was a waste of emotion; Rosalie acted too furious to cry and paced instead. When Father's thoughts hit me, I started tuning them all out. I'd hit my saturation point. How could this happen when she had been shielded by me – not once but three different ways? Did I anger the spirits?

Grace sounded the alert again as my somnolent singer cried out and twisted on the bed, wracked with pain. And that broke me in three seconds flat. This was worse than what she'd felt with Jasper's vision hell based on her scent and raging heartbeat. I had visions of last night happening all over again.

I reached out with my senses and lost focus as I tried not to panic. I had to stay calm to protect her and the family. They needed me. So I did the only thing I knew. I groveled.

Shrouded with power, I fell to my knees, and yanked her out of bed into the dutiable sanctuary of my worthless embrace. Mother gawped because doing so caused my singer's gown to slip to barely cover her breasts. As they were pressed against the fabric of my chest, and I held her so my brothers couldn't see them, I decided for just this once that it was appropriate to hold her bare flesh against my clothed form. Inconsolable, I rocked her now shining body in my arms with green drops of fire spilling from me, stinging as they rolled like burning splatters of oil down me before landing on the floor and winking out. The fireflies circled us both like white whirlwinds.

Bellowing in Quileute with a broken voice, I supplicated the spirits, "I'll help Paula learn how to be a proper shaman. I'll try harder to work on . . . speaking. Please keep her safe. Please don't let my failure to protect her cause lasting harm. I'll take her pain as my own. You can even double it if that makes it fairer." The ring of fire outside of the house pulsed with a roar the immortal equivalent of a sonic boom that my entire family heard.

In the sheltered room a breeze suddenly fluttered signaling, I suppose, the response of the spirits. As her pain flowed into my body I stiffened. It literally caused me to fall back on the floor with her kept atop me as I recoiled. I'd suffered worse; I reminded myself, as my head hit the carpet and bounced. I didn't mind taking it, I chanted, as her body landed atop my own. And my stars, she had _impressive_ pain tolerance for a puny human. How she had lain there not screaming her head off was beyond me. And I sincerely hoped the spirits were doubling her pain because if they weren't this was _entirely_ unacceptable that she suffer so and not inform me. I marveled at the fire lancing my throat, chest, hands, and most especially, head as talons embedded into my flesh and began to burrow. Although I had felt worse, truth be told, not that I'd be sharing that fact with the spirits, I wasn't one to brag. On this issue especially. But still. Ouch. My poor human. How she had suffered so and never complained was absolutely beyond me. She was so brave. And possibly more stubborn than I. Seriously.

Father said, "Edward, you are so agitated that it would be prudent to let go of her."

Jasper answered for me through clenched teeth, "He's not angry. He's in agony. Look at him, he's feeling physical pain. Smell it in his blood."

To get through it, since comparing it to previous pain didn't seem to be helping, I crooked my neck and scrutinized my singer's top lip. Staring at that gave me joy. I could endure knowing that one day, once I perfected the art of kissing her without chewing a hole in her jugular, that lip would be mine to caress. Repeatedly. Longingly. Leisurely. Lustily.

I managed to grit out, "Pain. Moment, please," before I dropped my head to the floor again, feet flailing.

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "It would be shameful at the moment, not to mention disgusting, to develop - ahem well, you know, while the family is watching. If we ever want to enjoy quality pressed against the flesh dear little one time you must control your manly parts!" The pain helped in that effort tremendously. I made a mental note to remind my self that I knew he enjoyed cuddling with her as much as I, the little liar.

I heard Emmett say, "We need to get her away from him," and Mother answer, "Touching her helps with the pain. I don't think he'd hurt her."

As she moved toward me, Rosalie said, "Mother, he wouldn't mean to, but he still could. He can't control himself right now."

I was too lost in misery to hear the resulting babble and started humming instead to block out the sensations roiling through me as the defense and prosecution debated. Ignoring the cat of nine tails skipping across my mind, I stopped the humming nonsense and summoned the spirits ever so politely again. This had to be done. For her. For her protection. And mine and my family's, but more so for hers. I would simply have to pretend all that pain nonsense didn't exist. I put up a barrier that stopped Rosalie in her tracks. I had to focus and had no time for her nonsense.

Taking the power in me, I sent it into my dear little one's system with my hand held over the mark on her neck, trying to rid her of it. Despite a pathetic light show on my part, nothing happened. I didn't have a problem with her not smelling to anyone but me, so decided to leave that out of the requesting she go back to normal status. With potentially raging immortals on their way, having her not smell at all was actually kind of nice. I wasn't born yesterday, you know. That way her scent really would be mine. All mine. And that_ should_ be normal.

Using an entreating tone, I beseeched the spirits a second time, and even asked more nicely. I said "please" six times in that particular appeal. Again, the marks dug in their heels like a recalcitrant mule, slyly staring at me. The bird on her neck actually winked at me, the wastrel. My family knew better than to try to forcibly separate me from her. Jasper picked up my unbridled emotions and sent them around the room as a warning to the rest who cringed when Rosalie and Emmett attempted to intervene. I lowered the barrier when I sensed they'd abandoned their plan. I needed the energy to use on her, after all.

Seeing the barrier fall, Father knelt by me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Son, what are you trying to do?"

"Erase that blasted mark," I had my hand over the brand. That bird had definitely met his match. He'd never met Edward Cullen.

"Edward, how many times have you attempted to do so?"

"Three."

"Well, that's enough for one day. We'll try later. I need to examine you both."

It didn't matter that my head hurt, body, too. "Her vitals have become normal, and she's not bleeding. I have to remove this now." Like I said, that little buzzard never met anyone with my determination. I was ready to smack FitzCarrion around like I had his spiritual mommy Violet Gorgon. Fuming, I extended my hand again, only to have Jasper grasp it. Wearing a fulminating mask, I looked up at him as if to say, "I'm really not into holding hands," and halted when I saw him.

He commanded in a wintry tone, "Edward, unhand her. You could hurt Bella in your pain." Oh. At vampire speed, like a suspect before armed police, I gingerly lifted my arms from her and raised them into the air. Mary Alice pounced on me like grabbing a weapon from a crazed vigilante in the courthouse. She snatched my poor girlfriend into her arms.

The second she left my grasp, the immediate lack of her presence stung and then cascaded into spikes of increasing torment. Father took one hand, while Jasper held the other and I started seizing again. My brother didn't think Father would mind if he broke his promise to never use his power against me without my consent, seeing as I was hysterical and all. Nor did he think I'd mind if he used his palm directly on my forehead like a Bible thumping preacher in front of a newly converted sinner at a summer tent revival in days gone by.

"Thank you Jasper," I susurrated as the last barrage of her pain spitefully stabbed me at the base of my skull and I lost consciousness again. Three minutes and seventeen seconds later, I woke. And my nose didn't bleed this time. Much. Mother's gentle hand on my brow woke me, as did the clamor of my family's thoughts and the crackle of the wolf rings. Mother held my head in her lap. Father had my left wrist in his.

"Edward man, you need to dial it down a little. We're not going to hurt her," Emmett said.

"I'm sorry?" I croaked.

"You have a new funny colored shield around her. The second Alice put her down on the bed it appeared. We can't touch her. We've all tried."

"I didn't……" I reached out from my prone position on the floor with my senses and felt nothing blocking me from her. But I could see the ring of energy around her.

"Did the shields fail? Did you put up a new one just in case?" Emmett asked while his mate seethed. Rosalie was so angry she appeared beyond speech as she hovered over my singer like a mother bear. "Those bastards." Rosalie wailed.

The problem with this sight before me, the light green shield that had sprung up around my stationary singer, was that I had nothing to do with it.

"Totally agree with you on the bastards part," Emmett said studying my poor human, watching his wife stride back and forth.

"That ring is not mine. All the shields held." I asked Grace if the spirits were making that light green ring that kept my family from touching her for me wondering if Hezekiah's cronies had stepped in while I was out sleeping the sleep of the fallen angels.

My singer's hair currently covered her neck so my family couldn't see the marks on it, although they could see her venom marked upper chest.

Mary Alice said, "From what I could see, it is the same venom tattoo as the man in the drawing." It was awfully convenient for me that these infuriating red-eyed people had stamped themselves so I could know which ones to kill. Now I could most assuredly offer President Roosevelt and the committee confirmation that her nightmare pursuers and the Gorgon belonged to the same maladjusted mob. My poor singer. Grace posited it had been done to track her. We both agreed that when we got our hands on them…..Even better, Grace said she had friends she could contact. Disreputable ones. I felt a cold anger in the air that seemed to tower over me mixed with equal portions of shame.

And it didn't originate from Jasper, who blinked at me in confusion, cocking his head and reading the room. Then he starred at everyone else and said, "What? I'm not doing that. I swear."

Father had examined her without laying a hand on her. His thoughts told me since her vital signs had been normal my family had not tried to breach the shield that burned around her fearing I might react, well, badly.

"These weren't here earlier." Father said reaching out and pointing at her throat.

"She complained that her throat felt like she had been choked." With dread in the pit of my chest, I crawled to my knees and shakily stood. "Earlier, when my hand touched the back of her neck she fainted. I didn't feel any knots with my fingers, nor did I smell any bruising so I never looked." Shakily, I approached her. The ring let me through without incident.

I had torn open her gown earlier. By the standards of my time, the action had been scandalous, as it had exposed her shoulders and throat to her clavicle, although I'd kept her breasts covered.

"Emmett, Jasper, please avert your eyes."

Since the gown definitely was history, fiddling with her IV line and the sleeves was pointless, not to mention time consuming. While ensuring her modesty, I turned her onto her stomach. The cotton of the gown did not stand much of a chance as I tore it open to the small of her back. When I spread the fabric open, it covered her arms like a blanket. I tried to block out that I was ripping fabric from her body in front of my family. It was for research purposes. Her very scent was at stake. Her life, too.

She had venom prints that glimmered like opals, on her shoulders and back. But Violet Gorgon hadn't been happy with the one tattoo. She'd left two others: one I named FitzCadaver at the nape of my poor dear little one's neck and the other, FitzCorpse on the back of her right shoulder that smoldered with a cold fire as I traced them. If I had to guess, I'd say it was the equivalent of extra vampire postage. She really wanted to make sure that when they found my human they could recognize her. And my, considering how vertically challenged my singer was, the Gorgon had positively gone out of control in marking her multiple times with a flock of sneering birds. Avians I most definitely planned on sending to the Great Beyond.

It's not like an immortal would have needed more than _one_ tattoo to ascertain she was unique and take a second glance unless they possessed Charlie Swan-like stupidity. Wait. Scratch that. They had touched my human. Ergo they already manifested Charlie Swan-like stupidity. The marks shone brightly. She'd be visible in the dark, they pulsed so vividly an unusual shade of sliver and purple. I pulled the sheet up to preserve a sense of propriety. With a low call, I permitted my brothers to see her exposed nape and back.

"I have a dumb question," Emmett said, "Why stamp the front side of her neck and the base of it, too? She has thick long hair. If she wears it down with a turtleneck…." His voice trailed off. Rosalie put the comforter over my girlfriend's body as an experiment and we received our answer. The light filtered through the cloth making her marks still visible to the immortal perception.

Starched Shirt Edward grumbled, "There went my put a heavy coat on her suggestion up in smoke."

Father said, "I've researched venom for centuries. I've never found any that acted as a light source. This merits further scrutiny."

I rubbed at my eyes with the backs of my hands and heard my entire family gasp.

"Edward," Mary Alice blurted, "Look at your hands."

Reading her thoughts, I flipped mine over and stared at my palms.

Where the enraged Gorgon had clutched my hands the night before, I had a violet and silver mark branded into each palm. When I'd torn the fabric of her nightgown, I had yanked the sleeves from her shoulders down her arms, and they had obscured her hands. Without a pause I stripped the fabric from her, shredding it in two moves, tossing the cloth aside. Both of her palms had marks identical to mine. Biting my lip to keep from making a noise, I decided since I was a doctor twice over and Father and Rosalie had both treated her and Mother was female, examining her lower body was appropriate. This was a supernatural emergency. I ordered my brothers, "Turn back around, please," and tore the rest of the fabric of the gown.

Jugurtha peered over my shoulder and said, "It's not as bad as it could be."

"They stamped her like an insane border guard with a passport."

"True. But it could be worse."

"How?"

That seemed to give him pause as he stared at the marks on either ankle that mirrored the one on her neck and back and the hand marks on her ankles and legs.

"They could have stamped her on the buttocks and breasts and inner thighs. That would have been devastating, not to mention awkward."

"True. But still."

She would already shine like a beacon if any immortal laid eyes on her if she stood in a crowd. Why not just paint her in fluorescent purple and put a sign around her neck that said, "Bite me?" And why bother to mask her _scent _when they went to so much trouble to make her stand out visually?

"Maybe like bruising they take a while to appear? You'd have known if the shield broke, right?" Rosalie whispered, troubled.

"The shields held. I'll try again to remove the marks. I think this happened during the fight. It's the only thing that makes sense."

"Venom scars never fade," Jasper commented. He should know as he had the most in the family.

If another immortal ever took one look at her, she'd be instantly killed or worse, turned, and everyone thought it but no one bothered to utter that sentiment aloud. My stomach plunged. I was so going to decimate Violet Gorgon now. And her little dog Skeevy, too. We were smart enough to figure out that trouble was on its way. Trouble that made Genevieve seem like an irritating gadfly, like Socrates, without the merciful hemlock cocktail. I had a supernaturally scarred mortal girlfriend in hand and a multitude of perilous patrician red-eyed people possibly marauding their way to Forks with my face, Emmett's and Rosalie's on their mind. Possibly our scents, as well.

And for the first time, I positively couldn't _wait_ to meet them. What was that phrase that Emmett like to crow before a wrestling match? Ah yes. "Bring it." Indeed. They had better come armed to the teeth and fangs. Not that it would matter anyway, but I did have a sense of fairness about me. Sometimes. As long as it didn't involve her. Sometimes having her in our life required following what Montesquieu called "the spirit of the law" rather than that actual pesky law itself. I'd steal from St. Peter himself to keep her by my side. The Volturi had banned telling humans about our secret. They certainly never banned going around them as that would have made feeding a wee bit difficult. And just because I refused to actually partake of her blood didn't mean that I was violating any Volturi law. I was discerning. And cautious. Those abnormal marks on her did not require contacting other high ranking immortals. Whey bother them with something that was doubtlessly this inconsequential such as bizarre otherworldly markings on an odd human girl? They had universes to run.

Provided Rosalie didn't beat me to the punch, I most definitely planned on having an uncivilized chat with the incoming red-eyed people concerning the improper handling of my girlfriend without my or her permission. She was _mine_, not theirs, and no amount of venom stamping on their part would alter that indisputable fact. What did they think she was territory they could simply plant a flag on and claim? I don't think so. Since urinating wasn't possible for an immortal, they'd done the next best thing on the primitive scale of behavior. I was most definitely not going to overlook the fact that they'd done the repulsive supernatural equivalent of drooling all over her before they'd marked her pristine flesh. That was wrong. She was mine. All mine. Even _she_ seemed to realize she belonged to me. Finders keepers. And did I neglect to say, I did not share well?

And I didn't like the look of that bird on the back of her neck, either. He looked like a trouble maker to me. The one on her shoulder seemed larger than the others and in a worse mood. In Quileute I asked the powers out loud if they could please shut down the ring I didn't remember causing around her. It stayed in place as her necklace glowed defiantly at me. I spoke aloud in clear Quileute this time, "Spirits, I seek your guidance and wisdom. You have this lovely ring around my bride that prevents others from touching her. Yet she requires a bath. I interpret that to mean that you do not want my Mother and Sisters to bathe the marks from her, and are instructing me to do it myself, despite the fact that we have not yet wed." Someone had to remove her remaining undergarment, alas.

Emmett wondered where I had developed intestinal fortitude was the polite translation of his appraisal of me although he had no idea what I was saying it sounded kind of tough.

The green ring around her winked out and her necklace turned off precisely as my hand touched her bare flesh. Out loud I said, "Thank you." Inside? 'Damn.' Now the powers decide to get prim and respectable? They were acting like human women! Confounding and confused and insistent all at once.

Mother, Rosalie, and Mary Alice lifted her and disappeared into the bathroom as my brothers averted their eyes from her almost naked perfectly proportional form that still looked amazing in boyshorts bought by me. I made sure she stayed asleep for this bath, although I most definitely supervised with Grace's assistance.

Oh my poor minion, Grace was absolutely beside herself as well. I tried to comfort her with a spiritual pat on her….whatever her form was. My family all thought I was too much of a gentleman to read the thoughts of my Mother and sisters as they handled my singer. I kept my back to the bathroom door and stared out the window to encourage that notion. I had lies to maintain. Standards, too.

Father said, "I know you don't want to do this, but we should go for a run right now if you feel up to it." Remembering Hezekiah's words, I unenthusiastically agreed. I could supervise her bathing and run at the same time. And I definitely needed to have a temper tantrum or ten. Emmett, Father, Jasper and I tore out of the house into the eventide as if we chased the Gorgon. I felt physically stronger with each stride. Jugurtha wanted to test whether the wolf ring would hold if I left it. Things couldn't get worse, so I decided to give the experiment a try. Our backyard contained a tributary of the Sol Duk River that we habitually ignored with a single bound. Immediately, we crossed mountainous terrain to reach the Hoh national rain forest in the Park.

"She actually tattooed her." I bit out as we ran winding our way up a steep mountain. We found a few elk along the way and stopped for a drop or two. As we buried the carcasses under salal shrubs, Father said, "Edward, I've never even heard of anything like this. Only a few of the ancient immortals have colored venom. I'm under the impression the distinctiveness indicates power."

"Well, if I had a strange colored venom, I wouldn't want the Volturi to know. It would be like tipping your cards." Emmett, the ever practical said. "So that means since the Volturi rule our world that they all have colored venom?"

"Aro, Marcus, and Caius do; although two of theirs is only slightly off of what normal venom looks like in a scar. As you can see from Jasper's marks my venom is stronger in intensity because of my age and power, but only marginally." Jasper's body was a veritable museum display of venom scars. I had always thought that the shading in them differed due to the depth of the bite, although I'd never studied his scars. That would have been rude. Now he was fair game. Father said so. From comparing, Carlisle's bite marks were stronger in color than those on his frame that we could see.

Part of my mind listened attentively while another stood with Grace's spirit supervising my girlfriend's bath. I had fantasized about seeing her naked for the first time, and the circumstances in which it occurred turned those wishes into a mockery. Desire was the last thing on my mind as I examined her with the reverent attention to detail she merited. I hadn't realized she had a birth mark….never mind. I'd have to make a note of it in her file, though. For science's sake, of course.

Rosalie held her on one side, Mary Alice on the other. Rough and small hands had grabbed her back, her waist, her hips, and each ankle before I'd managed to peel the Gorgon from her. I stared at the marks on her ankles and fumed. Why stop there? Why not do the kneecaps and the tip of her nose while they were at it, her eye lids, too? And we couldn't forget her forehead and chin, now could we? And tattooing her knuckles would have added that extra touch of _je ne sais quoi _to her already alluring features.

It touched me to see how conscientious my family was with her as my Mother used a washrag and the detachable showerhead to carefully wash the venom that had coated her skin and hair from her body. To our alarm, it stayed in place although her skin felt absent of it. Without saying a word, Rosalie reached for a different soap and they started over. Six attempts with different soaps raided from Rosalie and Mary Alice's never ending personal products supply they quit, afraid to scrub too hard lest they cut her skin and turn her. Rosalie fretted about ruining her hair, and muttered that they'd probably stripped the oil from her skin, too. This was not an appropriate time to worry about deep conditioning, whatever that was. Nothing worked. Years of acting kept me from screaming. I had to stay calm. They couldn't know I had that range to observe so I kept an iron command on my ability to block Jasper. Emmett's voice drew me back into the conversation.

"Does any of the Volturi's venom look like what's on Bella?" Emmett asked. We started to run again and kept a normal conversation going. A blooming ocean spray shrub scattered white fragrant petals in our wake as we breezed by.

Emmett's question was odd. Since we lived together we knew the scent of each other. But seeing as we had never drooled in front of each other, if Jasper's venom had left a bright pink mark, I'd never have known. So one wondered how Carlisle knew about the venom color of the Volturi. Ah, research of course. He'd done decades of it on venom for them.

"Marcus' is the most distinctive as his is blue. What is on Bella is definitely not his venom. I would have known if there existed a vampire under the Volturi rule that did not have a scent and was such an unusual shade. They would have asked me to test the immortal. A friend in England has slightly red venom, and an older one in Persia has a bit of yellow. None I've ever seen has been this distinctive. From the work I did, I was always under the impression that the darker the venom and the more vivid its hue, the more power one possessed."

"So Marcus is the most powerful of the Volturi?" Jasper asked.

"He is, although he has not used his power in over a thousand years. He mourns the death of his mate unceasingly and barely functions. Whatever you fought with last night has more power than I think the Volturi even would know of, and without putting venom into Bella's system, she managed to do this. The important thing is you managed to defeat her, son." I could tell Father wanted me to drool in a cup for him the second we returned home.

"I do not feel like doing a victory lap at present, but thank you, Father."

Jugurtha clutched my shoulder, "Look on the bright side."

"Is there one?"

"Of course. Now we_ really _are the only ones that can smell her. We don't need to worry about other immortals trying to turn her into a snack. And if anything happened to us, Mary Alice would be able to find her." Jugurtha tried in vain to reason with me. Father continued speaking, so Jugurtha stayed silent.

"I examined the emails from Tanya and her sisters of the venom tattoos that they remembered of the surviving clans and the design on Bella is not on the list. And they remembered 200 different ones." What he left unsaid was that it would be dangerous to put the venom marks of the lost covens in an email so Tanya had overnighted drawings of 300 different designs by human mail. It was brilliant because the Volturi looked down their noses at humans and would never think to spy on paper correspondence.

"How many clan tattoos do you personally know of?" Jasper asked.

"I know of about 100 different ones that I suspect are not on the list emailed from the Denali sisters, but those are recorded in the Volturi library. Many had animals; several were birds, but none with that shape, however. I know the Volturi have other books with more. I'm afraid I never bothered to read them. Jasper, there were thousands of clans during the wars. Some were combinations of covens that had been wiped out. Others were new ones that sprang from internal squabbles. There also existed entire families that had been turned at once and had kept their own coat of arms. And not all of the clans used venom tattoos. Caius led me to believe that it was rare because they did not want to risk losing seasoned warriors. He told me that several started the practice instead of painting their symbol on their bodies before fights. Those with venom tattoos found it highly entertaining."

"I have a suspicion that no matter how many books we read in their library, this bird won't be in it. They'd have known about someone with that kind of power, or they'd have amassed an army to capture her." I said.

"Who says they aren't doing that now?" Emmett challenged.

"Point taken." Father said.

Starched Shirt Edward emerged from the library with a book that he opened and then proceeded to sneeze twice with his head turned from the pages as the dust from the tome scattered in the air. "I know what it is." He did not sound happy as he stared at the pages.

"What is it?"

"It's a gyrfalcon. They are the largest true falcon in the world. They nest in the arctic region. And they are well . . . mean."

"Excellent. See if you can find if they were linked with any particular family."

"That might be a problem." Starched Shirt Edward appeared crestfallen.

"Why?"

"Only kings were allowed to hunt them. It would be, depending on the time period, presumptuous to take the symbol of a bird that prestigious."

"Unless you had the power of a king to back you. Then no one would complain." Jugurtha pointed out. He clapped an arm around Starched Shirt Edward's shoulders and said to me, "I've scheduled your temper tantrum in three minutes. We'll research while you're busy. Don't kill you brothers or Father while we're gone."

We had confined our run to doing a ring ten miles away from the force field. "Edward, how is the wolf ring?" That's how my family had come to think of the circle. Why couldn't they call it the Edward ring? Wolves didn't make it, I did.

"Fine."

Jasper's mind indicated he was happy at my success. "Edward, I need you to think back on your encounter with this vampire."

"Yes, Jasper?"

"How do you know she was alone?"

"She was the only one I observed."

"How did you see her?"

I explained the whole staring at my singer's spirit and the bird that had clutched at her soul. Emmett added that he'd seen the same thing and it had, "totally freaked him out."

"When you heard knocking though, how do you know it's the Gorgon?"

"I don't," I admitted glumly. "But if she fought that hard to hang onto Bella, it only makes sense that she'd keep trying to get back in."

"Could it be Genevieve or Liam knocking?" That actually brought a smile to my face. The thought of the spirits of Genevieve and the Gorgon actually meeting and neither could get their clutches on my singer. Now _that _was karma.

"It could. I blocked them from contacting her as well. I could see how much it hurt her body for Genevieve to use her that last time. I figured we had enough information already. Bad people are coming in hordes."

I didn't mean to do it. In that second I recalled staring at Father's soul and all of a sudden I saw Jasper's. And I wanted to wail. His was almost tar black with one patch of bright white shining through.

Starched Shirt Edward emerged from the library for what he called a "study break." And for once he didn't sound judgmental about someone else's wrongdoings. "Do you see that?" his voice cried in excitement.

"Yes, it's almost completely black. I don't even want to know what ours looks like."

"That's not my point, Mr. Glass-Half-Empty."

"What is your point?" I hung my head. Jugurtha nudged me with his elbow and I gave Starched Shirt Edward my attention.

"See the white patch? That's the goodness in him. And it's growing. That means we have a chance. He's abstained from human blood for the last decade without killing anyone. We've abstained for seven decades. That has to mean something." My brother's arm jerked me away from my internal musings and he clapped my shoulder. He sensed my despair but attributed it to concern over my singer. I didn't have the heart to tell him, "Actually, I totally forgot her because I was staring at your pitch black soul and considering the way you calmly described butchering humans for centuries kind of wondering what I'd look like in comparison, you being the murder standard of us all." Too wordy. Instead, I did what I'd done for decades and held my tongue and let him assume what he wanted. It was easier that way, really.

Jasper said, "Blocking Genevieve was a stupendous move, Edward. Excellent. I have a need to destroy something. I'm sure you do, too." Jasper stopped running and picked up a large rock and began enthusiastically to smash it to pieces. Emmett joined him. Not to be outdone, remembering Hezekiah's warning, I pulled energy into me and burst into green flame.

Emmett stopped what he was doing and said, "Uh buddy, you're going all wofie again. What's up?"

There were two immense Douglas firs that were diseased nearby. Jugurtha said we could unleash our temper at this exact moment. So I did. I stared at the trees which were on either side of me, cocked my head to one side and froze in place. I imagined that they were the mob chasing my singer and smiled blissfully as I mentally created mayhem. It's hard to say what startled them more, the fact that both trees exploded simultaneously into sawdust, or the fact that they did so without a sound. It was worth it to see the expression on Father, Jasper, and Emmett's face.

"Jesus Christ!" Emmett shouted in time with the blast that never was. All three took cover on the ground. I remained standing in place as sawdust rained from the heavens. My brothers and Father looked as if it had snowed light brown flakes on top of them as they stood prepared to fight and dusted the damp flakes from their shirts and pants and hair and face and shoes. I had not a single piece of wood on me. They had burned to ashes when they'd landed on me as I had radiated the green flames.

Emmett decided we were under attack by the red-eyed people and snarling, he and Jasper lunged for ….nothing. Father listened, putting his palms out for silence as they realized that we were completely alone.

Jasper hissed, "We could be surrounded by vampires coated in the scentless venom." He actually did look rather scary in his fighting mode with that beatific smile that radiated menace.

"Oh. Sorry." I said nonchalantly and waved a palm at my family. The sawdust disappeared from the clearing and their clothing when I asked the spirits nicely to take the shavings to tree nirvana. I decided to study the forest floor since I didn't want them to see the anger in my eyes. Fine. I didn't want them to see the smug expression that lurked in them, either.

"We're alone."

"We are most definitely not alone, Edward, something just exploded those trees," Jasper remained in his fighting crouch.

"That was me." I said. And then said nothing at all, staring at a twig at my feet that my shoe kept nudging. Without a word, Emmett lifted a broken boulder and started filling the hole where the trunk of one tree had been. Father pitched in directing us with a tilt of his head to join. Jasper and I took the other side. I felt a bit better by the time we made the clearing appear undisturbed.

"How long have you been able to do that?" Jasper interrogated as we worked. I knew since Mary Alice had made a donation using their money to the National Forest that he'd put the pieces together concerning my bridge destruction sooner or later. I decided diverting his attention from his wife was in order. She kept my secrets. I had to keep hers. And it would have been rather inconvenient for him to discover that his wife had been lying by omission to him right around the time he wondered if she really had been accidentally committing bigamy for half a century.

"Hey Edward, you know those bridges that the eco-terrorists destroyed the other day?"

"Yes."

"Was that you?"

I shrugged. And didn't say a word. I did whistle. And study a nearby moss encrusted tree.

"What the hell?" Emmett shouted loud enough to frighten away any wildlife in the area. It was a good thing we had already eaten and were far from human ears.

"A little louder so the Volturi can hear you." Jasper elbowed Emmett.

"Sorry, man, but jeez Edward. You," Emmett shook his index finger at me, "Tree killer. You get stranger every day."

"Those trees were diseased and quite dead."

"Oh so that makes it all better scaring the life out of us?" Emmett rejoined.

"My apologies. I'm afraid I lost my temper. I cannot wait to meet these red-eyed people," I breathed with an air of fervor they'd never seen.

My Father wagged his finger at me and wearily sighed, "No more destroying bridges."

"Yes Father. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for them to explode like that." I left out the part about me destroying them _first_ by knocking trees onto them, so technically I was telling the truth. "I anonymously donated money to have them replaced with stronger versions." I decided to leave Mary Alice out of the recounting.

"So you became angry and things started evaporating?" Jasper asked, alarmed.

"Hezekiah said that presently I am the equivalent of a newborn wolf and a newborn vampire combined. That's why I have to drink so much blood." From the look on my family's faces, I think they had reached their threshold for the evening, although Jasper did a mental dance of joy at the idea of the strength I would possibly have. Father pondered the control I exercised considering I was surrounded by my singer virtually nonstop with the appetite of a newborn. I continued, "Hezekiah suggested that it might be best if I am escorted for the next few days by either Father or Jasper to ensure everyone's safety. Mary Alice, too."

"Hezekiah worried you'd hurt my mate?"

"No, and I'd never hurt her. He said she'd make an appropriate _escort_." I kept the umbrage from my tone, but only just.

Father said, "I think that's an excellent suggestion. Edward, we may have to use Jasper's gift to calm you from time to time for everyone's safety. Do you understand and agree to that condition?" I noticed he was going out of his way to keep his promise he'd made Jasper take on my behalf.

"Yes, Father," I could always block my brother if he became annoying. I needed to give them a sense that they had some element of control in their lives. We'd been gone for thirty minutes and had much to do that night.

I could not take being from her side any longer and increased my speed. They managed to keep up with me as I blazed through the trees, burst through the power ring, and hurtled over the river into our back yard. I knew my little bottle cap lay in our bed, and that she'd had no nightmares. I vowed to try to erase those venom scars from her if it was the last thing I did. Violet Gorgon had no idea of my determination. Although I didn't mind the professional courtesy of having her scent vanish for other immortals. I'd definitely like to keep that part intact. That meant, for moral purposes, of course, I had to conduct further research. On venom. Not mine. Alas. Well, on mine. But not in that way. Yet. I first needed to study whatever it was that coated her.

As we walked into the bedroom Mother said in a forlorn voice, "Carlisle, we tried everything, but it won't come out of her skin and it even seems to be on her hair."

Father walked to the bed, hugged Mother, and said, "Jasper and Emmett would you mind stepping outside for a moment?" Both waited in the hallway while Father, Rosalie and I examined her. My singer's hair felt the same. So too, did her skin, except for the areas where she'd been marked which were noticeably colder.

"The bird is a gyrfalcon, I think." I said as I traced the side of her neck.

Father canted his head to the side and said, "I do think you are correct, Edward."

"Father, did they normally make the tattoos so extravagant?"

"No. The more they had to put venom in the person, the more they risked. So the more detailed a mark was it represented the power of the warrior who wore it and of the clan that made it." This did not bode well considering Father had never seen the mark and it was dark in color.

From the hallway Jasper asked permission to enter. Mother and Rosalie made sure my girlfriend was covered and I bade him enter.

Jasper said, "Edward, I know I'm asking a lot considering the night you've had. Do you think you can send us all the fight you had with the Gorgon?" This would be practice for teaching Paula, so I agreed.

I returned from the closet holding Hezekiah's staff in my hand. Using what he had taught me, I pulled power to me and thought of the experience. This time the whole thing came through exactly as I'd remembered it, minus the bits with Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward which were private, thank you very much.

"Based on what we just observed, I have a theory," Father broached cautiously. "Those aren't tattoos."

"They sure look like them to me." Emmett blurted.

I couldn't help the growl that emerged as I shut my eyes and took deep breaths.

"You're seeing an optical illusion. Whoever that was managed to color the energy around Bella's body, rather than her skin and they did it in two ways. It's almost impossible to distinguish the two. Until we know otherwise, we're going to have to medicate Bella for pain until we're sure she's recovered. What you're seeing is that it's like she's been soul-scarred. The venom did not penetrate the skin. But what they have done is make her aura visible to any immortal. She's now like the burning bush in Scripture."

"I took her pain from her, I think."

"Are you referring to earlier?" Father had thought me hysterical and suffering the effects of rage, he hadn't realized I had truly meant what I had said about asking for her pain. The whole family vowed to learn Quileute.

"Yes, I asked the spirits if they would give me her pain so she would not suffer."

"Is that why you were in such agony?" Jasper asked.

"For a human, her pain was….impressive." I stared at her marks squinting my eyes to see her soul. Father was right. She had the marks in the exact same pattern. "I don't have that on me. Mine don't move."

"No, son, yours are real, I'm afraid because you physically touched Bella when she was going through the process and that spirit was trying to drive you away. It took considerable power for her to take on both of you at the same time. And I have no idea if the ones on you are permanent." Grace made a noise that sounded like, "We'll just have to see about that." I quite agreed with Grace.

"Why is her scent gone?"

"Honestly, Edward I have no idea." Father sighed.

Mother had bought matching gowns for herself and Rosalie and Mary Alice that were twins to the buttercup colored one. So that made it easy to pretend I had never ripped the original yellow gown off of her in the first place. I wished to heaven that I hadn't had to do it. Not like that. Not for that reason. The first time I tore her clothes off I wanted her to be conscious, screaming my name in the good screaming my name sense. Not like this.

Once Mother gave permission, I returned to my dear little one's side. I held her hand in my own and concentrated on sending more power to her to keep her comfortable and serene, while I tried to make sense of her scars and her scent. Green fire in my hands didn't seem to impact the - well, they were almost like colored shadows that clung to her. The wolf ring of fire flared in response and her medallion awoke. Another circle trailed from her fingers to the floor at my feet and surrounded us creating an odd spectacle. It burned the green of the stone of her medallion, a lighter shade than the malachite of the wolf powers, twin to the one that had guarded her while I'd been unconscious in terms of color. And it encompassed us both, in a perfect circle that started at my feet and ended at her left side. It appeared like the bed was on fire since the circle cut through the mattress, although nothing smoked or singed and the room actually lowered a degree in temperature.

Mentally I said, "Grace, did you do this?"

She answered back in a halting voice, "No. Young to me old power. Not hurting sweet girl. Protecting more."

I started at her words, and responded mentally in Quileute, "Thank you for the honor of hearing your lovely voice. If you aren't doing, this then how did the other power get in?" I tried to stay composed. She really did have a glorious alto.

"Helped during fight. Stayed secret till now. Won't harm sweet girl. Can't harm you. Call family talk time. Sweet girl can't hear. Sad woman still knocks. Tries harder now." She had a lilting pitch that somehow conveyed warmth and affection all at once.

I hadn't sensed knocking and was impressed that either Grace had shielded me from it, or my strength had increased to the point where I had been able to block it without realizing it even happened considering the past times she'd knocked had hurt. Extending my senses I appreciated the Hezekiah's corps of old geezers was still surrounding us acting as obstreperous butlers. "Of course Violet Gorgon was sad; she couldn't burn any other part of me or sweet girl."

"No, other sad woman. Man, too."

I paused. "Do you mean sweet girl's family?"

"Yes."

God help me if Genevieve had been witnessing this all along and was the 'young to Grace old power.' I said quietly, "Grace, this doorway here," I walked to my bedroom door speaking aloud in Quileute before my bemused family, "think of it like the door to Bella's soul."

"Edward what the heck are you doing?" Rosalie said. She was frustrated as she didn't speak Quileute.

"Hush, child." Father commanded her holding up a palm.

Grace answered a mental tone that indicated she understood me.

"Which side of the door is the Gorgon on? The inside with us? Or the outside with all the other spirits?"

"Outside." Grace said firmly.

"Where is other sad woman and man?"

"Outside. At other door."

"How many doors are there to Bella's soul?"

"Lots."

"Where in relation to all those doorways to her soul is the young to you old power?"

"Inside." We'd been observed all along, I thought with dread, spitting out the conversation to my family at vampire pitch in the Saami dialect and snatching Hezekiah's walking stick, beaming it as well for good measure. I listened with my power at every frequency I could use and still couldn't sense anything in the room. But I did not doubt Grace's word.

"How do you know she means us no harm?"

"Said so. Saw her. Covered sweet girl to hide her."

"You talked with her?"

"Either that or kill. She nice. Love and protect sweet girl."

"Will she converse with me?" I extended my senses and felt a mental push that let me know in no uncertain terms that was not welcome. "I take that as a 'no'."

Grace said. "Upset. No talk now. Maybe later."

"Who is young to you old power upset at?" I asked cautiously.

"Gorgon." Grace managed to inject decades of disdain in that name. She mentally indicated killing the young to her old power was probably not possible and definitely not what we wanted to do. So I voted for her quick exit.

"Can we let young to you old power leave?"

I doubted she understood rare dialects from Namibia, Southern Yukon, or Finland. But to be on the safe side, it didn't hurt to ask. Mentally I said to my minion, 'Does she understand Quileute?'

"Little. Yes."

"Does she understand the other languages that we've been using aside from English?"

"Don't think so. Is confused."

"Does young to you old power want to leave?"

"Part yes. Part no. Wants to fight Gorgon."

"By all means I think we should assist her don't you?"

"She agree. Message for you."

"Can I speak directly to her?"

"No. You lack power."

"I see. What is her message?"

"Take care sweet girl child. Venom mine. Not meant hurt. Mad over marks. Sorry. Save it."

I and Grace nodded and I asked, "Can the venom marks eventually be erased?"

"Yes. Safer stay. Immortal claiming sweet girl child. Be vigilant."

I bowed to the doorway symbolically to the young to Grace old power, "Apology accepted. Let's show you to the door, shall we? Please give my very best to Violet Gorgon and leave something behind for me to kill. And you have my thanks for helping me with sweet girl. She is of this house and my future bride."

Mentally Grace and I opened the door just enough to let the young to her old power escape. I felt something shift in the room as we opened the door. Instantly Grace and I were assailed by the Gorgon who from my senses was met with a furious blow from young to Grace old power and pestered by the vociferous shamans as back up. Then, it was like an iron door slammed in my mind. I was dying of curiosity to see what was happening but apparently young to me old power preferred to fight in private. Sitting on the floor of my room my entire body burst into raw power as I summoned every last bit of energy I could to aid me in shutting that cracked door to my little bottle cap's spirit. My nose started to bleed again and stars erupted at the edge of my vision but Grace and I managed to shutter it, and I sealed every other door to her soul that I could find. Grace assured me that we really were alone now. I wasn't worried about whatever that spirit had witnessed as we had thought and spoken in obscure dialects the entire time. And Grace had assured me that the spirit who apparently felt a bond with my singer, meant no harm. I had too much else to worry about at present. If young to Grace old power had wanted us dead we would be.

"Was young to you old power more powerful than you?"

"Possibly." Grace did not like admitting that.

Sweet girl might not be able to hear, but that didn't mean my committee hadn't been right in suggesting that another immortal could be in the area as we had just seen. And despite my hopes otherwise, I couldn't be the only immortal on the planet with an impressive range. I asked Grace, "Did you get a sense that she understood anything we said?"

"Bits maybe."

"Forgive me for saying this. Are you sure we are alone now?"

"Yes."

I told Grace, "I will call my family to talk. How wide a range do you have to check for vampires in the area?"

"Never try farther never need try. Cold ones north visit to watch but not hurt."

"Pardon me?"

"Cold ones north come in range and listen and watch. No hurt people. No come near. Watch lot."

"Are they watching Mary Alice?"

"No."

"Are they watching my family?"

"Little. Carlisle."

"Are they watching the tribe?"

"No. Never."

"Why do they watch?"

"Sweet girl."

"Can they watch her like I do with your help?"

"Better."

"Have they been watching her since I put her medallion on her neck?"

"No."

"No, they have not been watching her?"

"Longer."

Grace's mind didn't seem to have a concept of human time. I started to ask my next question when I heard pounding, supernatural hammering at the door and the flames in the rings flared higher. Grace said, "Need protect now." She cut our link to deal with whoever it was that beat at the sealed door. And they sounded awfully insistent.

I turned back to my family. "Another spirit helped right at the end of the fight with the Gorgon. Grace realized it has been in here with us all along. It is why Bella doesn't smell. I don't know what, but it did something to her to keep her from being detected by an immortal. And it hurt her in the process but didn't mean to when fighting the Gorgon."

"Do you know how long this will last?"

"I only wish I knew."

"Did it say why?"

"It said it was angry because she'd been marked. It doesn't make sense."

"What is it Edward?"

"Grace said it loved Bella and couldn't hurt me."

"I see. What else?"

"Our laws dictate that the second an immortal sees Bella she's most likely be turned or killed. So how does marking her protect her if these immortals want her for themselves?"

"You're assuming that the audience that sees her would follow Volturi law. One from the lost coven wouldn't turn her. Not only because they don't follow the Volturi laws, but because if they knew what house had stamped her they'd think twice. I find it fascinating that they've erased her scent. It says a lot."

Jasper added, "For one thing we know that we had two different parties fighting over Bella, perhaps three. One marked her with the brand; the other covered her with the venom to shield her. No one would do both."

Emmett added, "Now we know they have been hiding by hiding their scent for generations at the very least."

We walked into the house plotting our next move.

Paula Black emerged from her supernaturally drugged by me state to find my Father sitting at her side and Jasper leaning laconically against the doorframe. She had taken the red-eyed people business rather well, much to my surprise from reading Father's thoughts of their talk. Then again, she'd been dealing with her own monster for decades. She had barely blinked when Carlisle told her about her brother's homicidal history with my human's relations.

Father briefed her on that whole Violet Gorgon issue. Her only question concerning the red-eyed people was, "How many and how soon?" I could see why she earned the money she did. Paula sounded smooth, professional.

Father said, "We don't know, but the voice threatened within a week. Has Genevieve told you anything? She's been using Bella as a conduit to give us messages that are confusing, not to mention hard on Bella's system."

"Not anything about this. What does Bella have to say about all this? She must be so scared."

Cautiously, he waded into that minefield, "You remember our laws, do you not?" Paula nodded.

"Bella does not know about vampires. She _does_ know about the murders, because Genevieve told Bella exactly how Billy planned on killing her, Liam, and Jericho."

Paula cringed, "Having been the recipient of a few comments like that from Genevieve, I can assure you it must have been hideous for her."

"If we can handle this without her knowing or being frightened about the supernatural element, we'd prefer that route. She's too young to make a decision that serious, and we would like to avoid having to make it for her. That means we have to keep other immortals from being around her." I loved my Father. It kept me from having to tell them that I'd dismember myself and set myself alight before I let anyone transform my singer. Then she wouldn't be my singer any longer. And I needed my singer. And my girlfriend, too.

Paula said, "You're hamstringing yourself by not leveling with her, I feel I need to say for the record." She paused, "What _do_ you know?"

"Here's what all of her statements have been to us when under the control of Genevieve and the dates she said them, as we did not know if the timing had significance." He handed her a pad. Paula read through the notes carefully.

"Genevieve has been visiting me in my dreams since she died. The visits are never long, and half the time I have to guess what she means."

"Can you give me an example, please?"

"Five months ago, she sent me a dream and kept showing me the word Denver and a plane ticket and the week on my calendar and a picture of Charlie. She didn't tell me why. I thought his life depended on it, and was, ahem, very persuasive. Poor man never knew what hit him. When I heard Bella was sick I felt terrible, but figured Genevieve wouldn't have sent him out of town if she knew Bella would die. So I was even more persuasive to get him to stay there until the day she had indicated it was safe to return. Part of the reason I argued with my brother as badly as I did the other night is I found out he planned on making another offer for the land to Charlie." Oh and we'd already seen how persuasive he could be on that issue.

"You think he's considering killing Charlie?" Father asked.

"Yes. I think Billy had given up on me getting pregnant. So he planned on launching another plan. I think that's why Genevieve wanted her son out of town. Billy can't set foot near Charlie without everyone watching now, especially the tribe. And Charlie also knows enough now to take care of himself around Billy." She overestimated her lover's intellect. Or perhaps if a nuclear war occurred the only thing left standing would be the cockroaches, dust mites, and Charlie Swan. He was irritating that way, just like his good old Mother.

"And the other vision of Genevieve that you had?"

Paula stared over his shoulder out the window. In a flat voice she recounted, "Genevieve said if I had another child that the second would try to kill the first, and would probably succeed. I was very careful from then on. The year after she died, she reappeared wearing the same outfit she wore the day she said those things to me. I had the same dream over and over again for eight days."

"Were you pregnant with another child?"

"Yes."

"I see." He used his typical doctor voice. They sat in silence for three minutes before she spoke again.

"I miscarried the next week after falling down a stairwell in Seattle. I've never been so torn up since…..."

"I'm very sorry." He genuinely meant it. Jasper felt it prudent to keep his mouth shut and studied the wood planks on the floor.

"When I woke up in the hospital after the miscarriage, I had them remove my ovaries. Since my mother died of ovarian cancer, they didn't argue with me too much." From her thoughts, Charlie never knew about _that_ child, either. "I'd like to check in on Bella and talk to Edward if you don't mind. I'm sure they're together." She smiled as she changed the subject.

Without a word, Father led her to my room, and the entire family decided they should be there as well in case I had trouble speaking. Paula found my girlfriend deeply asleep with me sitting on top of the covers resting my back against the headboard, a now familiar pose. Interestingly, Paula could not see the venom scars. My dear little one cuddled against me, but that couldn't be helped.

"Miss Black, might we have a moment of your time?" Jasper asked. "I think I've come up with a solution to your quandary," his voice was every bit as smooth as hers.

"Which one?"

"The one about not wanting to kill your brother or see Jacob dead and helping your tribe survive the immortals who are coming quandary."

"Oh that." She had a charming smile. And from her thoughts she knew he meant every word about killing Jacob and Billy.

"Yes."

"What do you propose?" She watched as I stroked my singer's hair.

In her mind she thought, _"I have never heard of Bella letting anyone touch her hair since Genevieve died. That is amazing."_ I quite agreed. I was amazing. My singer, too.

Jasper stepped forward. "I have a deal to offer you. I think you'll find it fair." Her eyes lit up at our idea. We shook hands on it. I had supplies to get, work to delegate, and people to torment, and an addendum to the treaty to write with Jasper and Harry Clearwater's assistance. Apparently Harry and Sue had relatives visiting due to their children's recent illness. And they were asking for my singer, too. They'd have to stand in line.

Jugurtha blissfully rearranged my schedule and penciled out killing Billy Black with a satisfied sigh. What we had in mind was far better, he thought, as an hour later we stared at the faces of the six men and started to chant. It hadn't taken much convincing to prove to them that we were vampires and that we'd kill them if they ever opened their mouths about it. Jasper had quite enjoyed using his gift on them while explaining our laws, while Paula reminded them of the treaty – the new one. And Emmett sure had fun lifting up two boulders and juggling them. One had fainted when Rosalie and Mary Alice had caught the boulders and had tossed them back and forth to each other like a tennis match. Seeing me burst into flames a time or two for emphasis definitely caught their undivided attention. They were even more stunned when we explained that_ real _blood sucking ones were on their way within a week, and all agreed to transform, seeing as their Chief and all their tribal elders were in the room agreeing. Haltingly, Paula explained to them as best she could what phasing felt like for the first time based on her experience.

Paula conducted the ceremony holding out her hand. She said the words perfectly, but I did not feel the power surge from within her. In fact I didn't feel it anywhere in the room aside, of course, from me. She said the words a second time. Nothing happened. The men stared at her and she maintained a cool composure. I suppose this must be the spiritual equivalent of having performance issues. Not that I'd ever had any performance issues of any kind. But Still. Aside from that whole causing earthquakes, deforestation, and dresser destruction, I'd never had a problem with being able to perform. I simply had too much power for any one human to stand. Which made me the vampire equivalent of Zeus. Although I'd be working on that issue. Poor Paula. Not that I'd be working on that issue with _her_, nice toenails aside. I wanted to work on that issue with my human and my human alone.

Harry Clearwater coughed, which brought my attention back to the ceremony and the men who stood in silence in the room waiting for something to happen. I pretended like I had to do the second half to avoid embarrassing her since the spirits seemed to be ignoring her. Holding out Hezekiah's staff, I repeated the same words she had said reaching for the powers thinking, "Hezekiah, help me now, I'm trying to keep the tribe safe. Really." Paula extended her hand and touched his walking staff right as the power rose up in me and struck each of the men in green waves. I thought our plan might even make Liam cheerful, Jericho and Genevieve, too. In the middle of the ceremony, Carlisle's phone rang - a call from Vancouver. Alas, since I was in the process of turning humans into malodorous dog-sized horses, my vampire brain could not shield my singer and family, transform the wolves, watch my own neck all at the same time and attend to Father's conversation with the nearby lost coven all at once. I'd have to read his mind later. Even I had limits. I asked Jugurtha to pencil it into our schedule.

Every tribe member in the group instantly phased, and a good time was had by all trying to explain to them that they did not want to dismember the animal blood-sucking leeches as opposed to the_ human_ blood-sucking leeches that could arrive in seven days. I noticed Father had to end his call with irritation prematurely as a wolf lunged for his arm. As I used my power to shield us from the irrational, slobbering, howling pack of horse-sized infants, I'd never been so happy to be surrounded by the stench of wolves in my life. And watching Emmett throw up made it even more worthwhile, not so much poor Mother. Of course Jasper held his gorge, the bastard. He didn't even seem perturbed. The elders were entertaining to watch as they stared in awe at their own legends come to life at the hand of a cold one. They knew I'd been the one to create the wolves. Paula, too.

Creating a barrier that kept the new wolves on our property like a corral wasn't challenging, either, nor was that soundproofing part, because a few of those wolves had exceptionally annoyingly loud howls. One would set off all the others in a who has the most mournful sounding howl competition. Idiots. Between Jasper barking orders, me sending flames of power in their direction that stung and had the added advantage of creating pockets of blessed silence, and Paula phasing and being taller than all of them, meaner too, we managed to calm them. We spent the next three hours rolling around a clearing behind the cottages attempting in vain to avoid vomiting on each other while fighting. Jasper really took to teaching them, and us, how to fight dirty. His description of combat was one of the more repulsive things I've ever heard in all my years on earth, and alas, accurate. And we all looked the other way at the young wolves' repulsive eating habits while in wolf form. Those poor rabbits. They got the leather chair treatment, which seriously was a waste of a good animal. And it's blood of course. And John Quill couldn't stop chasing after birds. I had to use the equivalent of a rolled up spiritual newspaper on his nose.

Seth Clearwater, again, surprised us all. He had no odor, and a mind that while open to me, was not to the tribe, like his birth Mother's but stronger. Explaining _that _was going to be awkward, when it finally hit them. Right now everyone decided since the powers were so new that they weren't fully functioning in the pack. We were going to have to come up with some sort of explanation that we conveyed without the new pack hearing and we couldn't have them out of sight at present, and Paula only spoke two languages, which left out the whole talking in random dialects, Greek or Chinese trick.

Paula knew the tribe couldn't hear her and thought at me, _"Edward can you make a scent for Seth?"_ she sounded on the edge of panic. After all these years her secret couldn't be exposed. Genevieve said so. Despite that whole inner turmoil problem she had, Paula in wolf form managed to convey menace, perhaps due to that whole sort of buried motherly instinct in her that came out every now and then.

I answered her mentally using our newfound shaman link, _"I have never tried. My vote is to distract them for now. They are awfully emotional. We can use the time in between to come up with an explanation or to come up with a scent."_

"_Well, if you have something in mind you need to do it now. Sam Uley is sniffing at Seth and looks like he's going to say something. It would be awkward killing him."_

Seeing as she'd given her blessing, I momentarily fretted over which would work better to divert the tribe's attention, telling them Leah Clearwater was with child, or that both Sam Uley and John Quill rivaled Paula for being the alpha of the pack. To protect my singer's welfare in saving her half brother's life and wolfly reputation, I sacrificed my dignity and accidentally-on-purpose blurted all that salacious news.

* * *

**My friend GinnyW of Coming to Terms fame – the Edward I love to hate the most has the Twilight Gift Exchange – a new set of stories penned by other authors you might want to check out at her live journal site. http: // community (dot) livejournal (dot) com/twi exchange/**

**AN: To Notmyself, many thanks for helping me come up with the FitzCarrion name. It inspired me to name the other venom tattoos FitzCadaver, and FitzCorpse. So Bella has some unusual symptoms, no scent, and marks all over her. And Edward is most certainly not amused – except he kinda sorta doesn't mind the scentless to almost everyone but him part. He thinks that's fair. And we learned from Grace that there was another power in the room the entire time sitting back and watching them, a power that apparently has some responsibility for Bella's symptoms. We learned that Genevieve has been visiting others ineffectively for years. Edward helps the tribe Stench-Splode and decides to spread a little gossip to help Paula. **

**Anyone offended by Edward taking Bella out on a "scent"-antic excursion will definitely be offended by the next section.  
**

**Please read and review. Starched Shirt Edward is blowing kisses at you all. Jugurtha, too.**


	34. HOD pt 23 Family Trees and First Dates

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks as well to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills.**

**Oh my sweet baby Jesus! You all entertained me so with your reviews I decided to write extra fast and post early. This chapter goes out to Miss Poison, June - there's a token of my esteem in there for you, sweetswirlypop, Jacque, fanficreader83, pclo, twifam1, silly sad sarah Twilighted, Cullen Concession, Robs_Muse, oncebitten, sunshinemommy, LJ Summers, effleurage, mamato, forest sentry koneji, sapphira Majoram, Cullen Pearl (ROTFLMAO), Codelina, TwilightmomofTwo, luv4edwardcullen, and notmyself for inspiring me to write and amazingly kind words. Thank you to everyone for reading my story.  
**

**AN: Edward discovered, several chapters ago, that he and Carlisle are related by blood. That becomes important in this chapter. So last chapter we saw that Bella has scars that have harmed her in two ways – she's got marks on her soul – marks of gyrfalcons – very elaborate marks that indicate whoever stamped her had a heck of a lot of power. She's also lost her scent – all of it – to every one except Alice and Edward. Grace tells Edward that a young to her spirit has been watching over Carlisle and Bella for quite some time. And Edward transforms a group of Quileute men into wolves. Seth Clearwater is one of them and to everyone's consternation, they realize that like his biological mother, he has no wolf scent. So Edward at Paula's bequest creates a distraction by blurting out that Leah is pregnant, and that Paula has not one, but two rivals for Alpha Status. Coming up is Edward and Bella's first scent-antic romantic excursion.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Twenty –Three: Family Trees and First Dates**

I was nice enough to wait to announce it with Sam was in wolf form and Harry couldn't really kill him, a sign of respect and consideration one day Sam should thank me for. Harry was screaming his head off and chasing Sam with a newspaper. And I'd never seen a wolf faint before in wolf form, which didn't stop Harry from swatting him a time or two before Mary Alice and Father pulled him off. Even more entertaining the other wolves had to block Seth to keep him from eating Sam. Seth was bigger and would clearly have won that fight. My work here was done. And my, these young dogs were awfully overly emotional. I sniffed. I was nothing like that. I had control.

Jasper stared at me as if I had uttered the most vulgar obscenities in front of an audience of elderly nuns. Harry frantically dialed home to convey the news to his suspecting wife.

At the Clearwater residence, Leah sulked in her room about the unfairness of life how Seth got to have all the fun, even Swan, and she had to sit alone in her room, staring at the pregnancy test she'd had her cousin Emily drive to another town to buy as they sat staring at the white plastic. She smiled widely as it indicated positive, completely missing the heartbroken expression on Emily's face. Emily thought Sam was a complete jerk - was I believe the loosely translated version of the oath she used - for engaging in sexual intercourse with Leah while she was ill with pneumonia in the hospital. Leah thought he was romantic. That would show them that Sam was serious about her. Now he could show everyone the ring he'd bought last week to give to her, but asked her not to wear until he talked to her Father tonight. You didn't make babies with people you didn't care about. Right? Sam would make a wonderful father. She couldn't wait to tell him. It wasn't her fault antibiotics made those pills Mom made her take for birth control not work. And Seth and Swan would be wonderful with the baby. She couldn't wait to be Leah Uley. She'd already named the baby: Sam. How predictable.

I turned my mind away from her cloyingly delusional thoughts. What female with half a brain considered a male "perfect" or "godlike" anyway? And what man with testosterone functioning spoke in "velvet" tones? Clearly, she'd read far too many of those silly human romance novels. Not that I read them by habit. They did make for interesting research in attempting to discover what human women idealized, although so far the only common denominator was earth-shattering orgasms, the best sexual intercourse of her inexperienced life, and muscular heroes who had economic resources in abundance. I could most definitely deliver on the earth shattering part. Muscular too. And I think 300 million was enough money. I'd have to ask Mary Alice. But I didn't like to talk. And I certainly didn't have a deep enough voice to sound like velvet. Alas. As for that sexual intercourse part….her last medical exam a month ago indicated her sexual inexperience, so I felt confident that I could deliver on that end, once I created my revolutionary technique of not murdering her in the process of exercising my soon-to-be husbandly rights. I had all those books from Tanya that I'd spitefully never touched. Perhaps I should read them now. It didn't hurt to be prepared.

Emmett mentally laughed, pulling me back into the clearing with the wolves and the hysteria that I'd sparked. He said in the Saami dialect, "If Edward who totally hates talking went there, he's got a reason. I'm sure he'll tell us later. I'm guessing it has to do with that whole scentless business from junior over there." He pointedly avoided staring in Seth's direction. Right now the wolves were to busy howling about being the alpha to notice their conversation. Paula thought to me, _"For someone who doesn't talk much you sure know how to do an awful lot of destruction with minimal words. You should have been an attorney. Thanks. I owe you." _She ducked behind a large shrub, phased into human form and quickly donned attire. And I did not look. My singer was better on every level. I had no reason to look elsewhere. Besides, she would totally have known. Paula, that is. Paula asked me mentally, "Edward I need you to make them phase back into human form on my word." I delved into her mind. Ah, yes. That would be entertaining. At her nod I blasted the entire pack with enough power to get their attention and mentally chanted in Quileute that it would be ever so nice if they all un-phased at once so we could talk. Green light surrounded each mongrel as they burst into naked bundles of quivering flesh before Paula's feet.

"Gentleman, we need to discuss some ground rules. You will be living here 24/7 for the foreseeable future until such a time as Edward and I have decided that you have control."

Embry Call, Sam Uley, John Quill, Seth Clearwater, Colin Black and Simon Drinkwater all lay trying to recover from the shock of the phasing process. Plus it was awfully chilly for a human. They got to their feet.

Colin pointed and shrieked, "Oh God, No!" He pointed at John Quill's wrinkled, droopy in all the wrong places, and more importantly hideously scarred body. For a man of his age he had kept fit, although to a teenage mind it certainly didn't look like that.

"What the heck is your problem, junior?" John snapped.

"If that's what I'm going to look like when I get old. Man that's so messed up?"

"Wait til you have your first prostate exam, son. Or colon scan. It'll all downhill after that, child." He stared into their widening eyes.

Sam was having difficulty stringing sentences together in his mind. The word "Daddy" kept flashing in huge neon letters. Seth kept envisioning dissecting Uley's misbehaving genetalia. Embry was worried he was going to have to jump in and intervene although the Cullens were kind of scary and could probably handle the situation. Simon was doing the wolf-like equivalent of drooling in shock. John couldn't believe his dreams of being a wolf had worked out quite this way. He didn't like seeing his scars much less showing them off for the world to see.

My sisters and Mother had been kind enough to turn their backs. Paula? Looked them straight in the eye. She won the first round. Mentally she said, _"Edward I've got it. You should return to guard Bella. You're starting to look twitchy."_ She sounded almost fond. I didn't disagree about the twitchy part. My sisters were awfully nice about handing out clothing to the pack, too. Only three of them had inappropriate reactions to the sight of Rosalie and the scent of Mary Alice. One growl and wave of power from Jasper solved that problem. He put so much fear into them it's amazing they didn't phase and Colin feared he'd never have an erection again. And he couldn't understand how he could have said erection and vomit at the same time. God those vampires seriously had stink issues.

Sometimes this talking phenomenon humans swore by proved entertaining, I decided, as I sprinted away to return to my girlfriend's luminescent side leaving the mentally chortling Paula to clean things up. I'd been gone three hours. And that was one hundred seventy-nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds too long. Father called after me to wait. Considering I was all kinds of curious to find out about his phone conversation with the lost coven, I didn't mind.

So many things lately had struck me as surreal. Seeing my Father with a nervous expression on his face mentally chanting a pep talk aimed at him rather than me was positively unnerving.

"Would you mind if we sat for a moment?" He asked once we were out of supernatural hearing range. We were in an old growth section of the forest I knew well. I led him to my favorite tree branch 200 feet above the earth that offered a pleasant view. I sat by him swinging my legs waiting for him to say his peace.

"There are things that I have meant to tell you. And I've put them off, giving myself one excuse after another. And I can no longer do that. As your Father I have to tell you these things." It wasn't like Father to be redundant. This was not good.

"I'm sorry Father. I do not understand what you mean." He was blocking his thoughts, something he rarely did. His next words hit with the same force as if someone had told me the sky actually was red, and I had imagined it as _blue_ all these years. It simply couldn't be so.

"My real name is not Carlisle Cullen. Back when I was turned in the 1600's, you had to identify the city of your birth when you met strangers and conversed with them. People rarely moved. So it would have been a challenge to tell others that my Mother had named me Zacheus Throckmortin and the name of the town where my family resided. Especially since the last sight of me the crowd I had led to prove that demons didn't exist had collectively witnessed was of me being murdered by one. So once I reached a point where I was able to be rational, I decided I had to die in name as well." He left unsaid the mental image of his stark raving mad Father leading the same crowds with torches and clubs night after night to find his now-demon son. Centuries later, I could still sense the pain from his thoughts at being hunted by his own Father. "I think of myself as Carlisle and have ever since I took the name." he'd been toying with some pebbles he'd found near a creek, ones he'd put in his pocket. He took one and threw it into the night. We heard the 'thwack' as it struck a hole through a nearby tree. "Er, oops. I did not mean to use that much force," he sighed, feeling guilty about wounding a tree. "Carlisle was the name of a city I moved to ten miles from the Scottish border when I was first turned. Cullen was my paternal grandmother's maiden name. I took it because she had always been so optimistic about life. I wanted to honor her by trying to live as she did. And I honestly haven't thought of the name of my birth in over a hundred and thirty years. Life was so harsh back then and people showed age more rapidly than they do now. I could never stay in one place very long." He sounded like he was trying to convince a jury of one man, himself, more than he was trying to persuade me.

"I moved to Chicago because I traced part of our family there. I had met other relatives in England but had never dared approach them. Perhaps it was that British reserve. Something kept me from making contact." His eyes begged me to understand. I evinced an even demeanor. I had to show strength for him. I understood all too well the pain of keeping silent, the necessity of it. He had my deepest sympathy.

"So why did you?" He seemed to need a prompt to talk.

Father sighed, and put his head in his hands. Fingers covering his closed eyes, he stammered, "I was so lonely, Edward. I had left the Volturi because I could not stand by and watch them feed off of humans any longer. Their experiments under Caius's authority became grotesque. And there was no one like me. My ideas about finding other sources of food made me the laughingstock of immortality, although to keep from offending Aro, Caius, and Marcus other vampires were subtle about it. I may not have had much of what by this day and age is considered to be a relationship with my father, but I had known my mother's love, my grandparents' love. And I found it difficult to live among humans without nourishing my soul with company. I didn't want them to know my secret. I simply wanted to be cared for. I missed my own birth family so much. I thought I could practice blending in with humans on the Masens. I figured that if they learned of my secret, the bond of being family might help encourage them to hold their tongue. That's why I was so surprised when your Grandmother Grace recognized me for what I was the second her eyes caught sight of me."

"What did she say?" I couldn't help my curiosity that got in the way of Father's confession.

"She spoke to me in Gaelic because your Mother and Father did not speak it fluently. She told me that there was a legend that demons came and attacked the family every few generations because we had power. I was the second attempt. According to her, my first cousin and his entire family had been taken by demons while my Father had hidden. He'd written an account that had survived many generations although it was now passed down orally. How my Father lived through an attack I never will know. This is why he was so determined to believe in vampires and demons and to hunt them down during my lifetime. He wanted to put his own cousin and his family out of his misery and save his soul." I remembered the man with the ring in the vision Alice had of her turning, the ring that matched the Cullen crest. "So Benedict is our cousin?"

"I believe so. Although I've never encountered him. I've never even heard of another vegetarian coven. He looks like me."

"How large was his family?"

"Father rarely spoke of it. I believe that he was married and had two sons and a daughter. My father married my mother after his first two wives died in childbirth. So he grew up with Benedict and loved him like a brother. They were attacked when I was an infant."

"Did Grandmother Grace say if there were any other members taken?"

"Yes. Two." Father looked sad. He meant him and me, of course.

"Am I the second of that pair?"

"No. They are in Italy now."

"You know them?"

"I do. They were turned quite young, a brother and sister set of twins. Their names are Jane and Alec, well, that's what they go by now. They were born with different ones, but they don't like to think of them. Villagers suspected them of witchcraft and burned them at the stake in the late 1600's, and Aro rescued them and killed the entire town. They are with the Volturi now." He thought of them with affection.

"I know you've corresponded with the Volturi for years. Do they know of me?"

"They do not. I did not recognize that we were related to Alec and Jane until after I had left by researching the family line. I kept your relationship to me and your gifts quiet because I feared the Volturi would try to come and take you from me and your Mother. And I did not think you would have liked their lifestyle." From his mind he told the truth.

"Why would they even guess?"

"Older vampires have the ability to recognize if someone is related to them by the scent of the blood. It's part of our instincts to tell friend from foe. I had never been in the same room with Jane and Alec so no one ever noticed our similarity, and I wasn't old enough to tell back then. Jane and Alec aren't quite old enough to do it yet. But they are getting near that stage. I planned on telling you, and now that Los Angeles has happened it became imperative."

"Why?"

"Because either Jane or Alec will come and visit to remind every coven of the rules and to ascertain the status of each coven's loyalty. Perhaps both. And the second they see you if that ability has awakened, they will know. The Volturi like powerful vampires where they can see them." That meant they'd take us all. After a pause he said, "There's no way they'd leave you here Edward. You're too powerful to ignore. And from an immortal's perspective you positively radiate power right now since you aren't fully in control of them."

"Should we leave?" I couldn't keep the appalled note from my voice.

"Not unless you can do the same trick that Bella can and erase your scent. If their ability has developed, they'll know the second they come within range of smelling either of us Edward. But you'll know with your gift if that happens. Even if they don't we still have the problem that they would recognize all of our powers. Both Jane and Alec excel at reading others for gifts."

"I can't go to Italy and leave you all."

"I know that. And I doubt they'd just take you if they tried that step. We'll deal with that if it happens. Jane and Alec serve the Volturi and don't really place a value upon family, at least not that I know of. It's hard to say what they would do. Jane and Alec are also greedy for attention. You would be competition and that would definitely irritate them. There is an advantage to leaving you alone. I wanted you to be prepared."

"Do they have venom tattoos?"

"No they aren't quite at that level."

"How is it that you have managed to interact with the Volturi and with the lost covens and not be killed? And not have me figure it out?" I asked the question I most wanted to know. I couldn't believe my audacity, and stared at the ground in shame.

"You ask a good question. I didn't interact with the lost covens until I left. And the reason I survived even meeting them has to do with my gift."

"Your discipline?" I thought he referred to the fact he'd never drank from a single human, despite feeling bloodlust. The feat alone seemed like a fantasy, like a vampire tall tale told to newborns to frighten them.

"That is one gift I have. I think you've inherited it." Actually, I suppose that was true. I had shown discipline all those nights in Chicago. And I most certainly had exercised discipline since I'd returned.

"I don't follow." My voice sounded sad. I hated not knowing the answer. And that had become the mantra of my life these days: uncertainty.

"My gift is that I can make people feel that I am showing them compassion. That I'm not threatening."

"That's because you do."

"No Edward, that's because my gift works to influence everyone that I care about them and want the best for them. It doesn't mean I actually do. It makes me the man you never see coming."

I stared at him slack jawed.

"But you would have had to not think about that all those years around me." And I left unsaid that I had increased my range.

"True. But I've never faked my feelings for any of you. And I was protecting you by keeping you ignorant about my connection to the lost covens, and felt that was more important. I used my gift on the night we were confronted by the wolves. You never noticed though. I think that and Hezekiah and your actions are the only reason we lived." To his credit I had been rather self-absorbed back in those days. I could see myself missing his power. I'd never caught Hezekiah using his on me. Perhaps Hezekiahs' monkeying with my brain had caused me to miss my Father's talent. Father tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention.

"I can't continue to keep everyone in the dark now. You have to be prepared for what might arrive. And I need you to understand that I will use my gift to the best of my ability to protect us all. Even if the red-eyed people from Bella's dreams show up, I can use it on crowds. I don't want you to feel that because you've been granted interesting gifts lately that the burden rests upon your shoulders to defend us all. That's my responsibility, son. I expect you to help, but we will all get through this together.

"Why did you interact with the lost covens? It meant instant death for you?"

"I saw the rift as unnecessary. They've managed to co-exist for over 1,000 years, why not simply recognize the reality that already exists? To do otherwise is foolish. I never sought them out, but they did find me. And I kept my word to keep their secrets. That's why I've stayed away from Volterra for all these years. I can't have Aro read my mind. And I never thought about my encounters with them when I was around you."

We'd come back to the house. I said, "Thank you for telling me. I feel better now." And indeed. I did. We had another weapon. One I had definitely not seen coming, much to my irritation. If I hadn't detected Father using his power on me it made me wonder what else I could have missed. Although his had to be the exception, because his thoughts indicated he'd never used it on me. I was a mind reader for crying out loud. Father's mental and physical discipline was the stuff of legends.

I stared at my singer's chart once I returned to the house, studying her latest results I'd run in the lab. As much as I detested admitting it, both Father and I must have been doing something wrong with our tests. All came back showing normal results, aside from that whole limited lung capacity that she already had due to her asthma. I was going to have to buy medical equipment and set it up in the rest of the 3rd floor. She was worth so much more than the pittance than an MRI would cost. Besides, getting one for the house was only practical since she had the worst luck of any person I'd ever met, save myself. It would be a worthwhile investment. I'd have to have Emmett go find one and set it up discreetly.

I turned to Jugurtha to ask about my schedule and wondered why Starched Shirt Edward was not railing at me for being unchivalrous and revealing the delicate condition of our dear little one's quasi-sister-friend. The library door was firmly closed. I hadn't given him a research assignment. Jugurtha shrugged his shoulders and opened the library door. We heard this yelp and, much to our surprise, found buck naked Starched Shirt Edward standing in a metal tub pouring water over himself chanting in Latin. He even prayed while bathing. Someone had some serious issues. He snatched a thin towel from a nearby chair and covered himself around the waist. I had meant to brag…..but….I couldn't help but notice that he was bigger. By three millimeters. And that was wrong. On so many levels. I turned to Jugurtha who said, "I keep your schedule, talk you off of emotional ledges and give you wise counsel. I even schedule temper tantrums for you. I draw the line at dropping trou." I had no idea what the man was blathering about and blinked at him in confusion. Since he was babbling I turned to Starched Shirt Edward. "I didn't even know you bathed. Why now, and why are you praying like that?"

"I'm not bathing."

"Ah, so what do you call dumping water over yourself and chanting in foreign tongues?"

"Excorcising. And the water is from the most sacred Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes, known for it's healing properties. If that young to Grace old power was in the room and we never knew, Satan himself could have slipped in and tried to take control. I had to do this to protect our dear little one. Now we'll be protected when we touch her. And no way am I removing my towel for you to stare. Pervert." Both of them had lost their minds.

I turned away and Starched Shirt Edward piously said, "Since her intelligence-challenged father did not see the lights at all, I think it is safe to conduct an experiment."

Jugurtha and I both turned at once to examine the flushing man, who crossed his arms in irritation.

"What did you have in mind?" Jugurtha said with that smooth, 'I'm persuading you to give up your soul and even though you know I am, you're still going to give it to me,' voice.

Starched Shirt Edward had a dressing screen in place and stepped behind it although his head was still visible as he donned his familiar attire at vampire speed. "She requires further medical testing to ensure her heart and her body were not harmed by that heathen Gorgon. We should spirit her down there in the middle of the night. If anyone thinks they see lights around her form, then we will know."

"Sue and Harry have already shown that her shields don't show."

"They are all carriers of tribal genes. Try other humans that don't have them to be sure."

"And do what if they do see the shields? Kill them? Because that would so work with your 'follow the ten commandments' behavioral management plan."

"I think he has an excellent idea. The visit, not the killing part," Jugurtha said, causing me to perform a very un-vampire like double-take.

"I beg your pardon?" And my voice did not crack on that last word. Much.

"She cannot return to class until we can determine if her shields are invisible. If the experiment indicates they are visible tonight at the hospital, we can claim Emmett accidentally shot her numerous times with his glow in the dark paintballs. Jasper can accompany us and confound the minds of anyone we sense that perceives the lights, or anything else unusual. Save that, we'll let Jasper take out some decades of pent-up aggression and snap a few necks or two. Considering her health was so bad last night, it's worth the risk." And he was absolutely right. I don't know why I didn't think of that myself. And she was asleep anyway. It didn't matter if it was in a CAT scan bed or mine, did it? Scratch that, it most definitely did. But this was for the betterment of our relationship.

Father fortunately saw my good sense. We waited until the time when we knew the building would be least occupied and left Paula, Emmett, Mother and Rosalie in charge of the wolves. To our delight, the humans we encountered could not sense any of the force field that surrounded us as I carried her into the back entrance of the stairwell to the hospital. Perhaps the spirits that fueled the Quileute powers wanted to avoid me going on a rampage and murdering people again, I couldn't help but think, as I took the stairs at vampire speed since we really were alone.

And Father did not object when I performed an extra test or six on her heart. At vampire speed, I'd taken advantage of the access to medical journals by hacking into the Harvard medical school's library data base. After all, I was alumni, and I'd paid for a building or two on campus, that entitled me to a free library card for eternity. That was fair.

I had read the past ten years of journals while she'd slept and Father ran tests; such as the American Journal of Cardiology, and the International Journal of Cardiology. I'd even found an online one called the Journal of Invasive Cardiology that had an article, 'The role of out-of-hospital cardiac arrest in predicting hospital mortality for percutaneous coronary interventions in the clinical outcomes assessment program.' Although fascinating, it did not contain a section on what to do when stuffy elderly vampires who were so blue-blooded they were silver and purple-venomed attacked your quiet human girlfriend. And I felt confident, I sniffed, that if I contacted any one of the seven authors of that article, not a single one would have the expertise and experience that I did in managing my singer's care. Blood dependent vampires were too busy eating humans to bother worrying about their healthcare. So it's not like there existed vampire medical journals devoted to human care.

I felt prepared to make a diagnosis. I was a doctor who failed to complete his residency twice over, but wasn't going to let little details like that get in between me and managing the life of my woman, who had absolutely normal test results to everything I threw at her, damn her. Human women! They make you want to have them around and then try and do something dramatic like dying on you merely to torture you so you want them around more. This must be part of her evil plan spawned by her deranged Grandmother who couldn't strike back at me now no matter how many multi-syllable adjectives I hurled at her rotting-in-the-ground-carcass that I'd so hand over to Violet Gorgon for the sheer irony of the act. Despite her haughty background of vampiric privilege, Violet Gorgon had clearly never read O. Henry's the Ransom of Red Chief. Somehow I doubt it had been translated into Umbrian or Oscan. If I had to dig up their bodies, I vowed to send a translated bound copy with them. It would be our new Bible.

Besides, it's not like my singer would ever dig them up and know the coffins contained cement bricks rather than decomposing bodies. And Genevieve was so disagreeable even the worms would thank me for removing her from their feeding area. Liam, too. If I were a worm and had to choose which corpse to feed off of, I'd emulate that nice human Ghandi and go on a hunger strike. Heck, if that woman were alive on earth and the last source of blood available, I'd probably think twice about biting her. She probably had more venom in her veins than _I_ did. That's it, I had just figured out the limitless power source of the O'Shea family: it had to be Genevieve and Liam both. When you considered the terrible twins as a unit, they had endless levels of spite that could fuel anger forever. Seeing as how they currently power sourced six feet under the earth, I felt safe now in taking my singer and ….staying put in Forks.

She woke up during the final end of the testing, so I kept her company by asking questions. Seeing as it was about the fifth time she'd woken up in a different location she took things well.

"Fake Boyfriend?"

"Yes, Fake Girlfriend?"

"Do I want to know what I'm doing in the Forks Hospital?" her voice shook a little as she noticed all the equipment around her.

"Not really. You should sleep." Fearing her head still pained her, I took her hand instead and squeezed.

"This going to sleep in one place and waking up in another habit that I've developed, I'm afraid, you're going to have to help me break. It does not seem healthy." Her hands still trembled.

"Ah, but I accompany you at all times, so you know you are safe and have no reason to fear." Aside from being possessed by shrewish spirits every now and then, your Grandmother included.

"You are a very odd Fake Boyfriend, as far as Fake Boyfriends go, but I think I'll keep you, nevertheless. No one plays chess like you do."

"True," I kissed the top of her scarred palm for that comment. She blushed and Jugurtha whined that I could at least have taken a teensy little lick without getting caught.

"Or loses with such grace." She had the audacity to halfway smirk at me. I noticed that despite glowing at vivid supernatural hues, she never indicated that she was aware. I didn't plan on informing her about her scars. Women would get hysterical and all. Even I knew that.

"Are you telling me I am not your first Fake Boyfriend?" I kept my voice teasing but I really wanted to know. Now.

"I've never dated, or Fake Dated anyone. I have standards, you know, and a father who is armed and dangerous," she stared up at the ceiling which had a poster of a beach with palm trees tacked on it.

Yes. This woman was brilliant. There was no one else on earth I'd strip naked for. Really. Ok, maybe I'd hypothetically consider the possibility of disrobing again just to torture her Father. If it was needed for supernatural purposes, of course. As long as he kept his aroused and marginal manly parts in his pants and avoided urinating in my presence, I'd permit him to continue dumfounding on earth. I clearly had proven today that I had no shame at the level of torture I was willing to mete out to that moron that fell short of drawing first blood. As for him being armed and dangerous. Please. Again, she showed her insight. He was armed with galactic stupidity and truly dangerous in how he implemented it the human equivalent to Jacob Black. Alas, not dangerous enough to have his neck snapped. But I could dream. The week after we married, that man was toast. Starched Shirt Edward could go jump in a lake.

"What are we doing here in the middle of the night?"

"Father has performed tests on your heart, and this was the best time he could arrange to get them done quickly. I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you the sad news that my Father will most likely diagnose you as dully normal."

"Do I have a terminal case of dully normal?"

"I'm afraid it's a lasting condition, with few treatments," I intoned with mock severity and a doleful glance.

She stayed silent for an awfully long time before saying, "Dr. Fake Boyfriend, I'd really like to be cured of being dull. Is there any thing I can do?"

This talking part seemed to become hard for both of us. I stuttered when saying, "I'm afraid that means you'll simply have to spend time with the Cullen family as therapy. You're stuck with us." I think in all the time I'd known her it was perhaps the most honest thing I'd said. Lately.

"Edward?" her voice became small. She crooked her index finger at me. And I moved my face closer nervous at how near my lips were to hers. And how delicious she smelled. And the feel of the pulse at her throat as it serenaded me. And her amazing eyes.

"Yes, my Queen?"

"While we are here, do you think we could sneak into the medical records room? No one should be there right now." This was a woman after my own heart. Less than 24 hours after she nearly died in my arms she was more worried about tracking her family's murderer than she was her own health and well-being. I liked seeing that kind of determination in my human. She would need it to stay around the likes of me.

"How do you know?" I leaned forward to whisper. Her words were true, but she how she knew that, I had no idea.

"Don't tell anyone. It's a deep secret of mine." Her words captivated me as her features were grave.

"What is it?" She couldn't be hiding anything else from me, could she?

"I have been to the ER so many times at this place I should have my own reserved parking spot." I heaved a breath in relief and affected a laugh.

Since there were no humans within hearing range and Jasper and Mary Alice and Father were trying to give us privacy, I didn't mind discussing this topic. If she got too upset, I could always have Jasper emo-dose her into being dull and calm. Or I could send her to sleep. I knew I had to show some sort of caution and searched for the right words while Jasper ranted the sentiment in the hall, "That won't be necessary." That seemed better than saying, "We dug up your rotting family to verify they were indeed dead by bees. And they were. And it was grotesque. And we robbed their stinking corpses, too. Here, have a Bible. I broke your Grandfather's fingers to get it."

"Why?" Her face fell.

I leaned closer ignoring her widening eyes and whispered in her ear, "Because they are at our house."

"You didn't," Her heart fluttered as she started to panic and put both her hands on my shoulders trying to gain leverage to rise from the bed.

I caught her shoulders and said, "Oh no you don't." I had her prone in less than a second looming over her resting my weight on one arm caressing her hair with the other.

I placed my right hand on her cheek, while my left kept her in place, tracking her fluttering pulse, "Bella, I need you to remain calm. We put a matching copy in the place of each one. No one will ever know." She exhaled and ceased her futile attempts to move.

"Whose 'we' paleface?" she said.

"My family, of course. They all helped."

"Oh." I think I managed to stun her into silence.

"Your Grandparents and Great Uncle all died by bee stings. Father said that from what the records indicated they did not suffer long."

"You're sure?" I didn't have the cruelty to tell her that long was a relative term. And I certainly wasn't going to describe how long it had actually taken in my dream. Even I had some decency. About some things.

"Quite."

"Oh. Is there enough evidence to go to my Dad?"

"No. I'm very sorry."

She turned to the wall and studied it for a spell. I did not know what to say and it seemed appropriate to simply hold her hand and allow the silence to serenade us. I think our short conversation had worn her out, at least I hoped it had. I know I was tired of talking. So I was happy to sit and watch her watch the wall.

Her eyes would flutter shut and she seemed to be fighting it again, a losing battle, might I add.

Father came into the room with her, thank goodness normal test results. All twenty-seven of them. "Bella, you're normal. There's no sign of a heart condition."

When Father cleared us to leave and pronounced her dully normal indeed, I wrapped her back in the heavy blankets we'd used to transport her in the first place.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," she slurred, lids drooping.

With my siblings keeping watch, I carried her out to the car through the back hallways. She had finally fallen asleep. And whoever it was at the now non-existent door of her spirit had only knocked thrice during our stay. Grace and the geezer shamans had been kind enough to be proper butlers quasi bouncers and had refused to allow her/him/or them entry.

At the wheel of the car, Mary Alice joked, "This is becoming far too normal - me driving like a maniac with you holding her in the back seat freaking out. Bella's luck seriously sucks." I couldn't agree more with that sentiment.

She woke up as I carried her up the stairs. I decided to ask her a question. That way I didn't have to talk much and I could control the topic. I think.

"Why is your favorite movie the Wizard of Oz?" It appeared to catch her off guard. She blinked at me bleary-eyed, rubbing her eyes and yawning. We'd sat through five viewings of the talkie motion picture, and she had seemed to enjoy each one equally.

"It's sure nice to imagine we live in a world where you can click your heels and go home again even if it is just for a little while. And I think of myself as the cowardly lion."

"Why?"

"Because when people are mean I usually say nothing."

"I know how that feels."

"You're more courageous than I am. You speak out, though. I remember that day in the hallway when you talked to Abraham Velez for knocking me over into other students. It was kind, and he outweighs you by at least 100 pounds and has a nasty temper. I was too embarrassed to say anything to him."

"You're stronger than you give yourself credit, Bella." She was, after all, risking her life every single second she was around me, not that she knew it. But as a shy person, I knew it had to be hard for her to talk to us. From her perspective we were strangers.

I was pleasantly surprised to find a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on the desk in a vase. They were the same blossoms I'd picked for her before. Mother had been busy on my behalf. I had the most amazing vampire mother in the world I announced to her at vampire pitch as she laughed in her study. "She needed cheering up, and I know you've been too busy to do it. But take credit for it by all means."

My singer stared at the flowers and said, "What is this?"

"When last I checked a fascinating form of plant life known as Avalanche Lilies, and Queen cups with a touch of bluebonnets thrown in."

She playfully smacked my chest, "I know that, silly. What are they for? Have you developed a fascination with the local plant life?"

"Only when I can throw samples of it in your direction. It would look rather odd having me walk around holding a vase, you know. Bad for the image and all." There. I'd sort of taken credit without lying. It somehow seemed inappropriate to say, "Seeing as I've been trying to save Forks from the fruits of your nutcase family's misadventures, my Mother took it upon herself to tramp six miles from the house in the rain to pick flowers for you in between bouts of vomiting from wolf stench." It made me sound pathetic. Mary Alice, laughing at my wit, pulled aside the covering on the bed, and I placed my dear little one in it with all due care. I ensured she took her increased pain medication. Mary Alice joined us sitting to my singer's left side, chattering happily at her.

So we put the movie on again and watched it together on my laptop while lying in bed. Halfway through the show, she visibly fought not to sleep. This perplexed me. She'd been fighting this battle for hours. With a pointed glance at me followed by a thought of, _"Talk to her,"_ Mary Alice decided to go check on her husband who was in the process of explaining to the wolves all the features of the guest cottage they'd now inhabit. There had been much yowling when they'd been informed of the 'can't leave the property without a crowd of vampires' regulation, Sam in particular felt bereft since he now really couldn't fornicate with his now fiancé, but Paula and Harry and the rest of the elders had been quite firm. Only John hadn't argued.

They'd stopped grousing when in wolf form he'd sent the pack the memory of his attack by his brother explaining the meaning behind all the scars they'd seen on his body. Actually, as the vision bounced around the pack mind, it frightened them all into silence. When they phased back into human form, they'd had to explain it to Seth who still hadn't quite made a connection although he seemed close. Paula had covered the whole ''he doesn't have an odor issue' by pointing out correctly that the Clearwaters and the Blacks were cousins and that Seth must have inherited the same mutation in his wolf gene that she did. All the guys now thought it was awfully nifty that they had two stealth members of the pack. Only John suspected the truth and John was going to keep it away from his active wolf link mind.

Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on my shoulder calling me back to the room. "I'm occupied right now learning about human movies."

"You've seen this several times now. Something is wrong with our dear little one."

"Of course, my good man, something is wrong. She died in our arms last night, and bears the scars from our inability to protect her from the Gorgon. What is your point?"

"I mean at this moment. She is afraid. You need to talk to her."

"I hate talking. And I did such a horrible job at it earlier when she vomited."

"I know. But she is worth the risk; and we require practice if we ever want to improve just like our human Mother told us. And our dear little one needs you. And you have to set the example here and show fortitude. Remember the cowardly lion in that talkie movie. She knows we hate speaking, too."

"I see your point." It was a great way to use her own words to woo her.

Starched Shirt Edward fiddled with the cuff of his shirt, "If we talk, perhaps she'll converse more. It will help with our courting," he looked up at me his eyes boring into my own, "And you can prove to me that you're not too lily-livered to sit back and say nothing while she suffers." I missed the fire spewing from his mouth. It should have been there he seemed so ferocious. Hellfire and brimstone indeed. Our dear little one had become his new icon.

"I asked her out on a romantic excursion," I countered. Nattering Nincompoop.

"True. But you didn't make it _sound_ like one. Nor have you personally given her more flowers. You're slipping. It is time to show fortitude. We have lots of it." He had a point, I grumbled, she did require more flowers from me. "Watch her eyes right now!" Starched Shirt Edward gesticulated wildly like a researcher discovering a new species. Her lids had fluttered and she had jerked her head as if startled. With narrowed eyes, after taking a deep breath, she stared hypnotized at the screen. One would think she feared she'd be examined on the dialogue at length; she seemed to study the screen so hard.

"Bella, you can see the movie any time you like, and right now you seem exhausted. As your Fake Boyfriend and Real Drug Dealer, I'm going to have to put my foot down."

I'd changed into my pajamas already and had crawled under the covers by her. We had watched the movie propped on pillows side-by-side with the laptop before us. When she did not protest, I used the mouse to click the DVD into silence, and turned off the computer. After closing it, I shifted closer to her in order to reach across her to place the laptop on the desk and click off the light. I decided we'd have another viewing tomorrow. If that's what it took to make her feel better, I'd stare at the silly movie for a hundred years. Realizing how close we were, since she hadn't given her permission I casually moved back to my pillow.

She lay on her right side facing me. "Can I tell you something?" she said.

"Always."

She lay about a foot away from me while talking, hands fisted in the comforter. "Remember that cowardly lion part?"

"Yes"

She suddenly became aware of her clenched fists and released her death grip on the comforter. My singer took a deep breath and started tracing her finger in circles on the sheet. I didn't think she was individually counting the 800 thread fabric, but it sure looked like it. "I'm afraid to sleep."

"Why?"

"I keep seeing something when I close my eyes. Something I don't want to see ever again."

"Is this something worse than your past nightmares?" Shamefaced, in the dark she didn't bother to hide how she felt, as the emotions burst across her face.

"Yes."

"I see. Do you want to talk about them?" I prayed she had not remembered any of that possessed by the Gorgon incident.

I received a short affirmative nod and a wince from her at the movement of her head in response. She did not argue when I took advantage of my long arms and extended them across her and returned with more tablets and water. Without questioning me, she took the pills and swallowed them with a sip of water. I collected the glass from her and returned it to the desk. That force field of hers must have been giving off some kind of energy because I felt like I wanted to plaster myself to her the closer I came. With effort, I pulled back to my former position on the bed as she spoke, "I don't know why having you around keeps them away. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. But I'm afraid if I do fall asleep by you and have the dream, I don't …." Her voice cracked and trailed off. "See what I mean about the cowardly lion part?"

I wanted to say, 'You can take advantage of me anytime,' but knew from the sound of her voice that saying something frivolous would probably not be helpful. She appeared wounded and weary and it bothered me to see her so. Jugurtha fed me a line. "You might feel better if you talk about why the dream upset you." I used a low voice and breathed on her the entire time, which was totally fair. I needed the information, and Rosalie always said this talking business helped humans deal with their emotions. Jugurtha suggested I hold her close to make her feel secure. I thought that an excellent idea and held out my hand in the dark to touch her shoulder emulating my silent bossy human.

She scooted closer to me. My heart, soared, metaphorically speaking, and quickly plummeted when she rolled away, and pressed her back against my chest. I lay on my left side, hating that she hid her face. Grace didn't like it either, and helped me see the expressions she concealed in the dark of the room. Even the birds blazed into her soul seemed to melt, scowling less, appearing worried for her. 'God,' I mentally chanted, 'don't be that cruel to me. I don't want her to know what happened to her. Don't' let her remember that night.'

After about two minutes of interminable waiting she uttered the last thing I expected, "I hear screaming from a big white house. Seriously scary, like worse than any movie I've ever seen screams. And cracking like someone is snapping branches."

"Do you mean this house?" I used a mild tone. Mother and Father listened in the hallway in their now familiar perch.

"No, I've never seen it before, at least not that I remember."

"What does it look like?"

"It's a white wood one with lots of flowers in front and tall trees all around it. Old."

"Do the trees look like the ones around here?"

"No. They are smaller."

"Is the screaming outside of the house or inside?"

"Inside, but I have no idea what is causing them. And then, the next thing I know it's sunset, and I see the whole house on fire."

"Do you see how the fire started?"

"No."

"Is the screaming still happening?"

"No. The only thing I hear from inside the house is the sound of it burning to the ground."

"Then what?"

"It's night. There's this woman walking through the flames. I can see her through the open front door. She's stepping like she doesn't even see the fire, or hear the building crashing down around her. Her blonde hair is longer than mine, and then her skirt catches on fire and then when it hits her hair…" her voice broke, "Edward, I can smell it and the fabric of her dress and her flesh. And I've never smelled burning flesh before."

Rosalie decided to speak up then, and suggested that I needed to say something like, "Oh, how terrible." That sounded silly.

Instead I said, "That must be ghastly." It sounded more masculine. Jugurtha said, "It would be helpful if we could find a sample of human flesh and burn it around her, hair too, in order to see if her senses were working." Starched Shirt Edward volunteered Mike Newton for the honor. I reminded him about the "no breaking the 10 Commandments" policy and tuned them out when she spoke again.

Jugurtha pointed out correctly that "We could use medical waste from the hospital. No one would miss a bit of flesh or two. Or a lock of hair from a drug sample test." As usual, he was brilliant. The only downside was that it might make her regurgitate her meal. But it was worth gaining the knowledge and I could always feed her more.

"Does the burning woman say anything?"

"She kept saying, 'My baby boy. My baby boy.' She's carrying this bundle of blankets. There is a small crowd trying to fight the fire, and they all stop for a second when she races out of the house like they're too afraid to move. She handed the smoking blankets to a lady who had been fighting the fire alongside the men. The lady screamed in pain and dropped the bundle, and the burning woman caught it and placed it carefully on the ground before stepping back. A crowd swatted at flames on the edges of the blanket. Somebody said, 'Dear God,' and gagged."

"Can you see what's in the blanket?"

"No, all I see is the crowd around it. But the smell is awful."

"From the blanket?"

"No the smell in general on the hot wind I can feel against my face."

"What happened next?"

"While they were busy putting out the fire on the blanket, the fire lady turned around and stumbled back to the house. No one tried to put the fire out that was on her and no one tried to stop her. I heard one man say, 'We have to help her,' and another took him by the arm and answered, 'Let her choose her death. She's going to die no matter what we do. This way will be quicker. No one could survive those burns.' Edward, I can't get her face out of my head. She did not turn back once. When she stepped onto the porch, the house exploded."

"Exploded like a bomb exploded? Or did it collapse?"

"Both. I've never seen anything like it, which makes me think I'm remembering some hokey horror movie I pretended to watch with Seth. He's a huge fan."

"What made it different?"

The flames looked normal at first, but when the house exploded everything looked bright red for a second and then I was blinded by white light. Then there was this whooshing noise and the world caught on fire. I feel the pain of these dream people standing around the house as they die or run or both. I don't want to see that again."

"Is that the end of the dream?"

"No. It's the last part that creeps me out the most."

"Do tell."

"I see a group of men standing in the trees. It's dark and there a short kid maybe ten or eleven years old. He had the face you'd see on Leave it to Beaver one second. Then all of a sudden it changed. When the house blew up, the look on his face was the most evil thing I've ever seen. He turned and patted this red-headed man on the back and said in Spanish that he did good for his first assignment and he can't wait to show him off. Then I hear laughing and everything goes black."

"What kind of accent did he have?" I remembered she was fluent.

"It was funny sounding Castilian. I can't get his laughing face out of my head."

"Could you remember his face?"

"I doubt I'll ever forget it?"

"What about the faces of the other men?"

"No, it's dark and I see most of them from behind."

"What about the red-haired man? Something about him stood out to you."

"He was very tall and skinny. He reminded me of Beaker on the Muppets." I stared at her blankly. What was a muppet? She kept talking, "He almost seemed like he was all arms and legs. I saw him from behind. That's what I remembered. That, and he was shaking like it was cold. Except I could feel how hot it was. It was hot like when I used to live in Arizona - hot but humid too."

That was probably the longest I'd ever heard her speak. The sedatives and pain killer I'd dosed her with might have had somewhat of an effect on her.

"When was the last time you watched movies with Seth?"

"The day we went to the cave and caught pneumonia. We watched three in a row. Well, he watched three in a row, and I pretended to." I'd have to ask her about that curious practice later. I made a request for Jugurtha to remind me to email Sue and ask her what movies they watched on that day. He scribbled in satisfaction.

"How many times have you had this dream?"

"Twice."

"When was the first time?"

"The night I got sick and thought I was being strangled."

"It could be you dreamt of it again because it scared you so much, or because we've been talking about your family and how they died. That could be your mind's way of coping. You won't know until you try. If you have a nightmare, I'll be here. I swear." She fell asleep with a bit of assistance from yours truly and some whispered words in Quileute about her receiving proper rest absent of fiery women, bedding, and buildings. I did my best to ignore the marks on her neck that smirked at me. I worried since her head hurt her so much that by holding her I might actually prevent her from sleeping.

Concurrently, Starched Shirt Edward pointed out, much to my amazement, "Your touch also could be healing. Why not see if you can simply hold her hand and achieve the same effect? She's medicated, you've used the powers on her, and she's shielded. We need to know how much of contact she requires. And this way, I'll stop harassing you about it if I'm wrong. Hand holding is proper. Courtly, even."

"Deal." I shook hands on it. Trying to get everything accomplished while carrying her around in front of everyone sleeping and drooling in peace, could prove awkward. If I could achieve the same results by holding her hand, I'd have the moral high ground, and could make up for quality pressed against the flesh time later in the privacy of our bedroom.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You can move away from her now."

"What are you babbling about my good man? I'm holding her hand just like you insisted." I had her entire body held against mine, too. But that didn't count. And I wasn't moving. If hand holding was a good practice, body holding had to be _even_ better. Simple logic said so.

Jugurtha said, "I've penciled in a ten minute break for you to have a proper vampiric show of temper in the woods and blow up a few dying trees no one will miss in a few hours. In the meantime, you have work to do starting now." He was right.

Grace and I agreed five minutes later that my beleaguered human appeared to be in a deep state of slumber. Sighing, I moved away from her gingerly and she responded by following me and wrapping her arms around my waist. As I had moved to a sitting position, she used my upper left thigh as a pillow. This looked wrong on so many levels. My family would have the immortal version of heart failure, not to mention my singer, if she awoke. Things went to red alert status when she gifted me with a patch of drool on my pants, snuffling at me. She positively made me misty-eyed.

While I innocently contemplated adding my pants to my ever-growing Singer Saliva collection, Starched Shirt Edward literally had to smite me across the forehead to obtain my attention. "You cannot stay like this. It is improper and disrespectful to our dear little one." I heaved a sigh. I hated it when that whining weasel was right. Sometimes. This was not an expedient time to claim the moral high ground. Alas. Jugurtha muttered something about "discipline" and that sealed the deal.

I had to save her from herself despite being overwhelmed by her scent-sational slobber. Clearly my vampire charms were affecting her poor human system. Like handling a live mine, I gingerly lifted her head and placed it on the pillow. I moved away from her, wrapped up in the joy I obtained from her simply breathing. And having a pulse.

I was so absorbed by the mere sight of her that, really, pathetically, I never saw it coming.

Emmett and Rosalie walked into the room. Both took one look at me and their degenerate minds took control.

"Um buddy, I think we need to take a walk in the wood…I mean woods. Right now big guy." Mentally he thought, _"Holy crap! I know he's into her and all but this is out of control. He could kill her. I'm going to have to have a talk to him about the birds and the bees and try not to scare him."_

Rosalie scoffed, even giggled a time or two before elbowing her mate and saying, "Emmett, honey, you are over-reacting."

"How, the evidence is right in front of us that he's um….well….." I blinked at him benignly. I was going to let him hang himself.

Rosalie, God bless her miserly un-beating heart came to my rescue. "Emmett do you smell any venom in this room?"

"Um, no."

"You know Bella's scent has been erased, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we have exhibit B that proves it. She drooled on his pants and it doesn't smell like her at all." Rosalie clinically pointed a finger at the large wet spot on my trousers. "Edward, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for the pants right this minute. And a venom sample from you. I also need to take a saliva sample from her if you could keep her asleep it would be helpful. Father and I need to study this." Nooooo they couldn't take this sample from my collection? I had to keep my tokens of affect---….wait. Scratch that. "Of course, I'll change right now." I hurried into my closet and closed the door firmly behind me.

Emmett whined, "What? You know what it looked like."

"Emmett, darling," Rosalie said at plain volume since whispering really wouldn't make a difference the entire house was listening to her every word. Mother was laughing into Father's shoulder in his study, desperately trying to muffle the sound, vastly entertained, by her thoughts, that they could misread her darling boy so. Thank God Rosalie spoke in the dialect from Finland, Saami, was my only source of respite. It would have been awful if my girlfriend had heard and understood a word. "Does he look like someone who's been fornicating?"

"Rose, I never said he did _that_. We'd have heard. It just looked like…well…you know..." Of all the.....Emmett had now decided I had a problem with premature ejaculation. Like, vampire speed premature ejaculation. Moron.

"I know what it looked like but you forgot to put your thinking cap on. First we heard nothing out of the ordinary. Second, does Edward look remotely relaxed to you?"

"Oh. Right. Sorry, Edward!" He called back at me as I drooled into a paper cup Rosalie cheerfully provided the second I opened the closet door. I did Emmett the favor of ignoring his speech, and gave him a head nod instead. Some people had absolutely filthy minds, I seethed as I handed the specimen container of my bodily fluid to my sister. And limited imaginations. And God's teeth, I was _not_ a premature ejaculator.

While I had him squirming, I had to take advantage. "Emmett?"

"Yes Edward?"

"You can laugh at me all you want. Don't ever tease her about this." I didn't phrase that like a request.

And Rosalie added to it by glaring at Emmett with that, "You'll never get sex ever if you try that trick, buster," look she'd perfected over the decades. And recently practiced. Remembering his week without sexual gratification from his spouse, my brother caved.

"No worries." He pantomimed zipping his lips closed, "My lips are sealed."

I returned to our bed and arranged my human's body so she slept on her stomach with her right arm draping off the bed over my shoulder. Remaining on the floor at her side for the next hour was the gentlemanly thing to do while inhaling her increased essence, I thought, as I continued my mental campaign of planning our excursion, and that red-eyed people part, too, as I heard one of the young wolves baying in the night. I stared at her limp hand in mine and couldn't help but shake it slightly for emphasis as I thought of the things I did for my woman, I meant my singer, I meant just her and no one else. Her hand squeezed mine back in her sleep.

When my appetite started to become irritating, I let go of her and walked outside to inhale two bags in the hallway. Then I scrubbed my teeth. I couldn't make my singer ill with blood breath. Emmett said so.

The one luxury I could not give her was time if we had a blood-thirsty mob of uninvited, possibly armed with more than bad-manners guests, racing towards us. Waking her when she was ill, and required rest to recover, felt much like the monstrous memory of bruising her face the night of the truck accident at the end of January. My family went into the hallway when morning arrived all too soon. I noticed my stomach clenched, as I held out a hand and used my powers to tear her from the sleep she desperately needed. Her eyes fluttered for a minute and she blinked up at me. The birds sneered a 'may you definitely not have a good morning' to me visually.

"Good morning, Bella. Mother has made breakfast." She rubbed her eyes with her fists and said nothing. Drat. I didn't know what else to do. I could talk to her just fine when she was unconscious. Pathetically I poured a glass of Gatorade and waved it in her face, "We need to get more liquids in you." It was better than saying, "I'm sorry for tearing you away from the sleep your body desperately craves and by the way, do you see any funny lights? Like green, or white, or purple ones? Have a blueberry muffin. I'm told they taste like gravel and sawdust with a top note of acid."

"I feel much better," she insisted, although she drank it all. I had vivid memories of her wheezing and expiring in my arms not so long ago. And I remembered her feeble attempts at lying when she turned down Mike Newton's Bud Lite seduction requests for an inappropriate non-romantic STD-giving excursion. So the sincerity of her words stunned me. My poor little bottle cap had slipped, and landed into her family's toxic genetic gene pool. Clearly, she'd lost her mind. Although I could sense her body temperature had returned to normal levels, I reached across to feel her forehead nonetheless. It could be that with all this exploding into flames business that my senses were confused. Not about her being insane, though. On that issue I was definitely right on. She'd fainted in my arms multiple times, vomited, too; although I preferred to think of the second incident as her going to great extents to spoil me with other versions of her scent.

She stood and I held out her bathrobe for her.

"Fake Boyfriend?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"I'd really like to put some Real clothes on if you don't mind. And I'm holding you to your offer to take me to the bank and for a drive after we go to school." She said that so reasonably in an almost confident tone as she tied the belt around her waist, point two in my demented little bottle cap case.

"But—"

"Pay no heed to my brother, he's been watching over you like a mother hen all night. Here's the clothing we packed from your room," Rosalie trilled as she and Mary Alice gamboled into the room. Mary Alice said, "I'm afraid Dad doesn't know much about fashion so he grabbed a few things and stuffed them into a bag."

Rosalie added, "Since its cold you can borrow one of my sweaters. Which do you like best?" She had three different sweaters draped over her right arm. My sister had developed a peculiar motherly instinct around my singer, you know, the one she had planned to kill a month back? It would not surprise me at all if she braided her hair into those strange knots little girls wore sticking out of the sides of their head like miniature branches with ribbons tied at the end. And putting her in a turtleneck would make disrobing painful for her poor head. She'd have to remove two layers. Women! Not a practical bone in their bodies.

She selected the forest green sweater.

Jugurtha said, "Let her have a sense of control. She's not insane. She simply feels better. It could be that medallion, our begging the spirits for her pain, or it could be that the effects of Violet Gorgon were not as bad as we feared. Maybe that strange power that coated her with the scentless venom counteracted whatever damage the Gorgon did?"

"Are you still in pain? Nauseous? Seeing lights?" The doctor in me twice over asked. But I used a professional tone.

"Edward you're acting like a doctor. Remember we're supposed to be pretending to be teenagers who have maybe a bit of medical knowledge but not much more. And you are badgering the girl." Rosalie said at vampire pitch.

"Not as much as I was. My stomach feels fine," She said that so reasonably.

"What about your head and vision?"

"I'm still seeing the lights but not as much. I feel a little dizzy, but not as bad as I did before, and my head feels better." She adopted that mulish set to her jaw. For a second I could have sworn she looked hurt before the emotion vanished from her face. What a wonderful time for Jasper to pick having to deal with the pack of drooling dogs that didn't like the idea of being home schooled. John Quill in particular saw that as unnecessary seeing as he was a senior citizen and all. And he wanted his crossword puzzle or there'd be hell to pay. He turned to Embry who listened to his Ipod, "Will you turn that godawful racket down please? How many times can that man repeat the same word over and over again?" Embry waited till John's back was turned to stare at the rest of the pack and roll his eyes.

I sensed my human move, drawing me back to the circumstances at hand. Rosalie, much to my distress, allowed her to walk unassisted to the bathroom. She made it, and she wasn't wobbling but the walk wasn't long enough to really evaluate her balance, and watching it was ghastly; I nearly started my heart from fear over the whole business.

The door shut and she emerged fully dressed in that thin turtleneck I hated, jeans that I most certainly did not, and a sweater that would help keep her warm and flattered her coloring. She knew better than to complain when I carried her down the stairs.

Jugurtha hissed in my ear, "You want to go on your romantic excursion do you not?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, since you took all of her pain for her last night, it is reasonable to assume that she is physically well enough to attend school. Stop making a fuss out of it or she won't go with your later. You look like you're angry." Excellent sage wisdom oh manager of mayhem. I knew I kept him around for good reasons. I schooled my features into serenity.

Father said at vampire pitch as I walked downstairs, "Edward, I'm headed for the hospital and your Mother will work from her office. We're going to experiment and see if you can maintain the ring around the wolves and go to school. It worked last night, so I think we can make it work today." I shook my head at the irony of my miserable existence. He and Rosalie had actually divided the samples of drool, saliva, and slobbered upon trousers into half. He had his tucked into his pocked. She was whistling downstairs in her lab. We had rampaging immortals on our way, and I had to monitor and guard new shapeshifting non-European werewolves, oversee the education of the tribal shaman, take care of my poor dear little one, keep Billy and Jacob and her moron of a father from her, and still didn't get out of going to school? Nor could I conduct venom research? The other kind? How was this fair in the vast scheme of the universe?

I rooted around in the closet and felt Mary Alice tapping my back saying, "Is this what you were looking for?" She held out a coat of hers that I'd planned on giving to my singer for the day since we had decided that she did not require that navy blue monstrosity as essential part of her "what to take when feeling supernatural foes" kit the night before. Mary Alice said at vampire pitch in Saami, "I'll handle this. And yes, Tyler still plans on asking her out." I held onto my control realizing with regret that I probably wouldn't get away with breaking any of his bones. But Starched Shirt Edward was awfully creative. He had, after all read up on the Spanish Inquisition. I wondered for a brief blissful moment if anyone would miss Tyler aside from that viper Lauren of course, if I made him vanish like a Douglas fir tree? I smiled at my singer in contemplation. Even better, she smiled shyly back at me. Starched Shirt Edward yelped, "It's sinful to contemplate murdering an innocent stupid human while smiling beatifically at our dear little one. It's positively grotesque. She thinks you were smiling at her." True. Better, she most definitely had no idea the reason for my wicked grin was the notion of exploding one of her annoying suitors. For the moment, my miserable life was tolerably stupendous. I couldn't wait to kill those red-eyed people so I could get all that death business out of the way and properly make her my own. She was mine in body and soul. Fate said so.

"Bella, we forgot your coat in all the chaos, so I have an extra one. Mother won't let you set foot outside the door without one." My singer nodded and continued eating her scrambled eggs without complaint. She had already daintily consumed two large blueberry muffins, I noticed with admiration, with the enthusiasm of a linebacker. She would soon be on her way to regaining her strength, and if we were lucky a few pounds. I'd never seen her consume so much food at one sitting. I had wanted to praise her for it, but Starched Shirt Edward had said that it would hurt her feelings.

I sat by her in the car on the way to school and refrained from complaining about the mental purgatory we were about to endure. Much to my relief, I did not have to slaughter every student in Forks as neither the multiple force fields I kept around my girlfriend nor the venom whatever the Hades they were marks registered on a single dim human mind.

Not to mention my schedule was so jam-packed I didn't have a spare hour or two to work on venom leakage research. The other kind that involved shrubbery. And preserving her scent and life and our relationship. Worse, my poor dear little one was in no shape to act as a control during said venom leakage research. And right now, I wanted to work on venom leakage research. Starched Shirt Edward smacked me upside the head and said it would be rather mortifying if I acted like any other teenage male and had an erection in front of the stupid human classmates in English. So, instead, I thought of the look on my human's face when Violet Gorgon had her under control. That worked even better at sucking the energy from me than the vapid smile from Jessica Stanley.

Speaking of arrangements, aside from Billy and Jacob Black lusting after her ovaries, supernatural creatures stalking her dreams, and Lauren Mallory spreading vicious rumors due to her boyfriend's attempts to make her jealous, there was another major issue in my singer's life that required my assistance. A few days back, I decided to take matters into my own hands after being suitably motivated by Mary Alice's lecture on my spending habits and my girlfriend's recent pneumonia. Had she been appropriately attired, her immune system would not have been so weak, and she would not have become so ill. I couldn't help after the winter storm at the end of January my desire to let her Father know of my displeasure. Patiently, I bided my time for the perfect opportunity. I mailed a letter to his work address that arrived at 1 P.M. on his desk. Of course, it had no fingerprints or DNA on it. And I used the non-letterhead watermarked stationary from school and the principal's distinctive printer and favorite font that appeared on every school memo sent to parents.

**Dear Chief Swan,**

**We wonder if you have observed that your daughter appears to own 7 summer weight cotton long sleeved blouses (three of which have stains and holes in them), ten cotton t-shirts, three pairs of jeans, five pairs of socks and one worn pair of sneakers that are so old they no longer have treads on the soles. Perhaps you have not appreciated that her clothing is woefully inappropriate for the winter climate? Or that her fellow students are starting to talk? By our best guess her worn pea coat is twenty years old, moth eaten, and yours. **

**We were particularly disturbed to see her without gloves, a scarf or appropriate footwear in the recent ice storm. Since she is a young lady of common sense we can only assume you had failed to adequately provide for your daughter's welfare and she was too shy to ask. We were embarrassed on your behalf when another student's mother bought her warm clothing and footwear in one hour after word spread of her shivering at school. By our calculation you've had 336 more hours with her than that delightful woman and have still failed to appreciate the state of your child's meager wardrobe. The only warm pair of socks and outfit she owns were a recent gift from the Cullens. They had to buy these items for her when you arranged for her to drive home from the hospital in a weakened condition but neglected to send any warm clothing with her truck from what the staff says. But we digress.**

**We understand that the pay of a public servant is poor and would like to show our appreciation of Isabella with this gift card for her to purchase a suitable winter wardrobe at the local mall. Otherwise, it could spread around town that you are neglecting her. Given her recent mysterious hospital visits, bruised appearance, and ragged clothing, we are sure you would not want to draw the attention of your fellow law enforcement officials. And please, for the love of God send a woman with common sense with her when she shops like Esme Cullen, Sue Clearwater, or Paula Black. You clearly have none. And we have the impression that shopping for undergarments on your daughter's behalf might be beyond your limited mental capacity. Your incredible powers of keen observation must have the criminals of Forks shivering in their boots. **

**Also, it might be best if you not tell her how you received this gift card. We'd like to help you improve your emotionally stilted relationship with your child and hereby encourage you to take all the credit for your sudden generosity. Perhaps you could tell her you won a drawing at the mall and wanted her to have the reward. Or even better, you could tell her that you noticed her clothing needed replacing and wanted to provide for her as a father should. You clearly need all the help you can get considering you returned from Denver bearing clothing of all things for Jacob Black who is not of your blood and nothing for your daughter who, unfortunately, is.**

**Warmest Regards,**

**The 400 Students of Forks' High.**

**P.S. If she is not wearing an appropriate wardrobe within ten days, a copy of this letter will be posted on the Forks Chamber of Commerce Web site, the police web site, and mailed to every house in Forks. And one in Florida. Yes. That one. Please save us the displeasure of having to communicate to your incompetent mentally challenged ex-wife that you have outshone her in neglectful parenting skills. We suggest you act soon. Misogynist Moron.**

Listening to Charlie was the high point of the morning, aside from seeing her smile at me. It took considerable skill not to burst into laughter in the middle of English class while reading from Dr. Faust. Considering the teacher currently gadded about the perils of trading one's soul to Satan, chortling might have appeared out of place. Not that I had met Satan when I lost my soul, or agreed to any kind of bargain. But it was awkward to be a fiend sitting in their midst when they discussed the thing I had unwittingly become, as I contemplated the human I selfishly longed to make my own. We did, after all, have a date, even if I had to drag her to it.

I listened to Charlie splutter in outrage as his blood pressure soared. Driving the cruiser at a barely legal speed, he clomped like a miniature Clydesdale when he arrived at his house. Storming the staircase like the Barney Fife version of the SWAT team, Chief Swan stampeded into her room fuming about small towns and snippy busy bodies. Unfortunately he didn't trip over his loaded gun. Hesitating for a moment, Charlie worried about invading his daughter's privacy._ "I hate having to go in here just to prove that busybody wrong. I know teenagers freak out about wanting privacy and my Bells is a good girl." _

He opened the closet to find two pairs of jeans and six long-sleeved shirts and nothing else.

Gloating at my desk in school, Grace helped me watch as his face crumpled when he stared at the nearly empty closet. '_She had plenty of shoes last time I checked_,' his mind screamed as he stared at the cluttered floor. _'Aha, see she has rain boots.'_ He lifted one bright green galosh in triumph, _'Wait that's my Mom's handwriting in permanent marker on the bottom, these are from when she was 12. And those other shoes in the corner are Mom's, and she's probably hanging onto those because she's sentimental.' _He reached for another one noticing it was larger than his daughter's foot. _'That's Leah's, and God almighty her feet stink. I'm going to have to throw these out – both pairs. They look old anyway.'_ He tossed the two pairs of odiferous size nine sneakers of Leah Clearwater in the hallway, and then lifted one of Seth's from the closet. He may not have known what shoe size his own daughter wore, but he knew that her feet weren't that big. He congratulated himself for recognizing Seth's shoes as another sign that he was a good parent who knew his own child from others.

In step two of denial-gate, Charlie then decided, _'Well maybe she does need shoes, but I bet the rest of her clothes are in the laundry. Ever since she moved in she's kept the house perfect even though I didn't expect her to.' _He found an empty washer and dryer, and discovered the hamper for soiled garments had sheets from her bed and a towel. Charlie found the one warm outfit described in the letter in the bottom. He stalked back to her bedroom and opened her closet again. _'If she only has one warm sweater she wouldn't wear it everyday. She wouldn't want the kids to laugh at her.'_

Charlie took her shirts out with shaking hands, counting. He went to the drawers in her dresser and found a small stack of neatly folded short sleeved cotton t-shirts. Disbelief roaring through his mind, he yanked a top drawer open. At the sight of her lingerie he slammed the aforementioned drawer shut, traumatized. Charlie decided he'd hit his limit as he stared at another unopened drawer. I smirked because he was refusing to open what actually was her sock drawer. Suffering from a parental attack of fear-of-undergarment-itis, Charlie broke. I reminded myself if ever being chased by Charlie Swan that throwing a small pair of plain white cotton undergarments at his feet would stop him in his tracks and possibly lead to a cardiac event. I wouldn't need to toss him down the staircase, after all. Now I had a legitimate excuse to stop by Victoria's Secret, although with my luck I'd run into half the females in Forks if I tried.

His heart rate increased as he had mental images of his buddy Steve Culpepper from the Port Angeles force coming with Child Protective Services to seize his daughter. I observed with supreme satisfaction from my position in the class as he sat on her bed and bawled. He accompanied his sobs by playing back in his mind lectures from his parents that he had ignored about being more involved with his only child. His uncle had simply looked at him like he was a disappointment.

In step three of denial-gate, Charlie realized they were right. He decided that he was a complete failure as a father, wishing his parents were alive and could help him improve. I couldn't agree more about the improvement part. Genevieve in heaven was scary enough. Her coming back to life would be every bit as scary as the fourth sign of the apocalypse.

Charlie castigated himself for not even thinking about her clothing. When he thought of his child shivering in the January snow storm in his old coat when the truck crashed…..he put his head in his hands and sobbed louder when he realized he didn't even know what size she would wear and she was sick up at the Cullens so he couldn't ask, and maybe he was responsible for her being sick now, too. Finally, he calmed himself, washed his face, and went to his squad car to retrieve an evidence collecting kit. The letter did have a point. He should call the Clearwaters. And Paula. Definitely Esme, too.

And then he was going to find out who had been going through his daughter's clothes. Taking the kit from his cruiser, he dusted the entire room with powder checking for fingerprints, irritated when the only ones he found belonged to his child. He'd fingerprinted her himself years ago in case she ever was kidnapped. Like I or any of my family would leave traces. Please. But it was good to see he cared enough to fret about the safety of his child. _'God, how am I going to talk to her when she's not speaking to me and find out who knew about her clothes? I don't want to scare her, or have her think she's being stalked. Although someone might be. I swear if anyone lifts a finger against my daughter I'm going to forget about being the police and blow their head off.'_

He vowed no teenage male would be pawing his daughter. Well, at least he and I were in agreement on that point. His daughter most definitely would not be pawed by any _human _teenage male. Immortal male, now _that_ was another story. And I'd like to think my chaste caresses would not be characterized like a dog, thank you very much. Not that there was anything wrong with dog, I said to the Quileute spirits, wolves were not dogs.

'_Maybe one of her girlfriends sent it. God, I have to think. Leah wouldn't ever do anything like that. She was too busy drooling over the Sam kid. Harry and Sue were going to have their hands full with that one_,' he sniffed. 'As much as I hate to say it I'd bet my pension Leah's pregnant by the end of the year. Hmmmm, _I wonder if that Emmett Cullen wrote it. He looks like a meathead and I don't think he'd even use big words. The letter sounds like it was written by a fussy old biddy. Oh Lord, that means some older pervert is stalking my poor kid. I'm going to have to talk to Carlisle about security. He's a dad. He'll understand.'_

He'd been tempted to have all the locks changed, but the Cullens had done it for him with the earthquake renovations that still amazed him. And he didn't mind them having a copy. They were good people. That Emmett the one he remembered that had the crush on his baby girl and Rosalie at the same time didn't strike him as stupid enough to use it to sneak into the Chief of Police's house. Charlie drove off to work duly inspired to raise his parenting from abysmal to mediocre. He needed to bring his baby girl home. He'd just seen the light. The Cullens were amazing. They'd understand his need to bond with his daughter. And he could learn about all that asthma stuff. He knew how to operate an inhaler and could learn how to use that loud rattling thing whatever that was. How hard could it be?

He called father at work in a blind panic asking if Bella was well enough to go shopping. Seeing as he had no idea she was even back in school, nor had he come by to check, Father was pleasantly surprised at the phone call. Father informed him that Bella was trying out school at present and he did not think that the exertion of shopping would be good for her. Charlie thanked him thought about calling Paula and remembered she had gone to that day spa thing and didn't have her phone. So he dialed up Chief Clearwater and told him about the letter. Harry held onto his temper by methods I know not and agreed to have Sue contact Paula and Esme to arrange a trip to the mall. He told Charlie to simply put it from his mind that today was a new day, thankful that his friend was seeing the light. Harry soothed that he should leave Bella where she was right now given her asthma was so bad and the Cullens were wonderful people.

By glaring a time or two, I managed to keep Tyler Crowley from approaching my dear little one. He changed his mind and went to fight with his ex-girlfriend instead. School zipped by for once at light speed. I couldn't wait for it to end. I positively counted the seconds.

There was no way my family would allow me to go unaccompanied anywhere with my little bottle cap in case we were attacked by packs of screaming purple-eyed red-eyed people. That meant, of course, that my first romantic excursion would be a quadruple date without my lovely girlfriend realizing she had acquired four new Cullen stalkers – I mean escorts. I led her carefully to the car and seated her as a fiendish gentleman should. My siblings followed at a safe distance. I'd insisted she wear a coat of Mary Alice's claiming in the confusion we'd forgotten her navy blue one – which actually was true.

Upon arriving at the bank, I pulled into the first slot and exited the car. "Do you want company or is this something you prefer to do alone?" I asked, not that I had any intention of letting her in there without me, I said with my eyes.

"Well the bank will only allow two of us in there at a time. So I need someone who can carry something heavy. I _think_ you'll do." She teased. "Unless you prefer I call Rosalie or Alice," she had the cheek to reach for my cell phone. Despite being a two blocks away and hidden behind a building, Emmett laughed at her wit. I decided to allow her that one as I captured her hand in my own lacing our fingers. I couldn't think of anything coherent to say, so simply followed her and mentally vowed I'd take it out on her later in chess. We entered the bank and Mrs. Stanley gazed up from her desk. Much to my disgust, she internally shrieked in delight. The apple didn't fall too far from the stumpy tree in that family. I pretended not to hear her inappropriate comments about my manly parts and the way my trousers fit over my posterior. I vowed to sabotage her chair on an irregular basis. Jugurtha sniffed, "She's not worth working into your schedule more than once."

Then she had to go and get all misty-eyed when looking at my singer, thinking about what a lovely girl she was and how she secretly wished her daughter acted more like my dear little one did. She was always such a little lady, Mrs. Stanley thought, Genevieve had raised her right.

My singer asked Mrs. Stanley if she'd mind allowing us to see the safety deposit box. Cheerily, she waved an arm and insisted it would be fine. A mental flash of my singer's haunted face breezed through her mind as she recalled that day around the holidays just a few months after the Swans and Liam O'Shea had all died when my significantly smaller singer had asked if she could help her open up a security deposit box. For a second, Mrs. Stanley had thought she'd been staring at Liam; her eyes had been so intense. And just when things were getting interesting in that dim-watted little mind of hers, Mrs. Stanley flittered to worrying about whether or not she had a hole in her stockings.

Mrs. Stanley accompanied us to the vault and allowed us in with a professional manner. My singer didn't approach the box my brothers and I had raided, box 3996. I wondered what date they had given her to open the letter and book we had left untouched in that box for her. I wondered even more what was in that letter, but knew better than to pry. Genevieve had indicated quite strongly her wrath. And I was patient. It's not like I would ever leave her side.

Instead my singer went over to a bank of larger safety deposit boxes and turned to me. "This is high up; I used to have to bring a chair in here to reach it. Would you mind?" She held the key out to me.

"Which one it is?"

"Number 1918," Inwardly I snorted. Someone was playing with me. Fine, I'd play back.

"1918 it is, dear lady." I lifted her by the waist until she was level with the box and could open it. Mrs. Stanley, beaming, quickly came forward and put her key in and they turned in tandem. Once she completed her role, Mrs. Stanley scurried out the door shutting us inside, rude ruminations raging.

She wondered, hand pressed to her chest if I would tear my human's clothes off and seduce my singer in the vault. Apparently, she had decided I had leered in an inappropriate way at my human that evinced my wicked intent. Clearly the woman was misguided. There was no way I'd ever engage in public marital relations without first being legally wedded and second…..never mind. In a bank? On a table? That would hurt her back, not to mention I'd most likely break the much too small to hold the two of us comfortably piece of furniture. And the boxes. Not to mention my singer. And I did _not _leer. I did not disagree with Mrs. Stanley's prognostications on my endurance, not that she or her daughter would ever have reason to know. And my singer was not the trashy type to engage in behavior like that in a public location. Sadly.

And who has sexual intercourse on a first date anyway? Aside from her daughter, of course. Not that I knew this from personal experience. Even God couldn't be that cruel. And I wasn't that desperate. I was happy to endure celibacy for another 90 years or thrice given Jessica Stanley as the alternative. Even my hand said so. By that I mean of course, that the birds on my palms blinked at me in agreement from their position resting against my singer's clothing.

And even_ if _I didn't have that whole earth shattering destroying everything around me male performance issue, I would never subject my precious singer's good name to scandal by being a beast and taking her where others could discover us….other humans that is…..What a moron. As if. Inappropriate sexual fantasies aside, Mrs. Stanley for once was not dying to find out what was in the box, as her job entailed giving people privacy. Odd. Very odd.

Even if I did inappropriately kiss my singer, I wouldn't let the first one be in a location where people could tell, especially if it didn't go as planned and I had a slip of the fangs. Did she think me a complete imbecile? The door swing outward under my singer's hand. I put her down regretfully and removed the large box. I could see why she needed assistance. "How did you put this up that high when you were 12? You must have been far too small?" By human standards the box weighed a lot.

"Seth helped because I couldn't do it by myself. We both used those chairs. Or if I came alone Mrs. Stanley helped me." I had mental images of two not quite teenagers struggling with the set trying to stuff the box into that high spot. I felt depressed merely imagining it. And even worse, I had to buy flowers for Mrs. Stanley, now, for helping my vulnerable human for all these years. Jessica would faint with joy taking that as a sign of my hidden devotion.

I carried the safe deposit box to the table and opened it. Inside was an elaborately detailed wooden box that clearly contained her chess set. Next to it was a strand of pearls. They looked like any other set of pearls I had seen around countless necks of countless human women with one exception. They glowed light green at a level I could see, but she could not. In the back was a locked metal box.

"I see you have a lovely necklace." It seemed the appropriate thing to say. Didn't human women like jewelry? And I couldn't say, "I'm dying to know what's in that other locked metal box that I'm pretending not to see."

"Uncle Liam bought it for me. He made me keep them here at the bank with some other stuff."

"I'm confused. If you took the safe deposit box out after his death, then how did he make you keep it here? I truly don't mean to upset you," the words rushed out of my mouth all at once as I panicked.

"You're not. He gave me the necklace the week before he died. He had bought it on a trip to China."

"I thought they died when you were in Phoenix," I cringed afterwards as Jasper bellowed at me from outdoors to show more tact.

"There's this wonderful thing called the mail? Formerly known as the pony express? I'm sure you have heard about it." She joked with a sad smile.

"Fake Girlfriend, I need the real truth in order to properly comfort you."

"My Grandparents had their own safe deposit box, several of them, actually. Liam opened a joint one in my name and his that he used. He did it for me. My Mother hated them, so I couldn't ever bring anything back to Phoenix without making her upset. Liam suggested I always keep the photo albums in it so my Mom wouldn't throw them away and nothing would happen to them when I was out of town. The last time I saw him, he gave me a letter and told me that I had to wait two weeks to open it."

"You kept your word, I assume."

"I always do." She said softly. For a brief moment, she appeared on the verge of tears before mastering herself. I pulled her against my side and stroked my Fake Girlfriend's hair. That's what a Fake Boyfriend would do, I reminded myself.

"Fake Girlfriend, I am aghast at having upset you. Please forgive me." I meant every word, except for the "fake" part. I earned a watery smile and a sniff. She hadn't shed a tear, thank God and her features quickly calmed.

"What did the letter say, Bella?"

"It gave me instructions on how to take out another safety deposit box and told me to request number 1918."

"Did it say anything else?"

"Nothing important." She clammed up when she saw me look at the small long and flat metal box inside. "I don't know what's in there and I can't open it or their other boxes until later because I promised. Do you mind if we talk about something else?" Wait, she now had more mysterious boxes? Genevieve had discovered a new way to torture me. And manners dictated I had to change the subject since she requested. Drat.

She reached inside the bowels of the box and pulled out a black flat box I hadn't seen. Sitting at the table she stared at it like she expected it to grow feet and arms and shout at her.

"It's simply a box."

"I know."

"Do you want to take it?"

"I don't know."

"Did you have any directions about it?"

"Yes."

"What did your family ask you to do?"

"They said I had to open this. That is would be important."

"I await with baited breath."

She took the box and with a snap exposed the contents to my greedy gaze. It held a bracelet that appeared made out of silver with detailed ornamentation and dark green stones. The piece belonged in a museum not in a young girl's hand. I had done enough studying after pondering her medallion to be able to recognize the style. Etruscan. And priceless.

I decided to distract her. "Well your father would not give away the chess set if you told him it's important to you. I highly doubt anyone would take the pearls from the chief of police's home. Would you like to take them as well?" I couldn't wait to study them.

"Yes, please."

Without a word between us I stood back as she took the pearls. Before she could put them in her pocket, I said, "Wait," and took them from her. I wanted my family to see, and this had the added bonus of allowing me to touch her while having the moral high ground. "I think your Great Uncle would have liked to see you wear them. I bet you've never put them on." She did not protest when I turned her around and delicately fastened them around her neck and the bracelet around her wrist. My human held her hair out of the way, and I used extra discipline to ignore FitzCadaver, the venom mark sneering at me from her nape. Jugurtha reminded me as my temper flared that I couldn't face palm the back of my human's neck. It would be rude. Even if that gyrfalcon sneered obnoxiously at me. And winked a time or two.

Thank goodness for coats. Otherwise it would have appeared awkward walking out of the bank with my singer wearing jewelry worth more than the entire annual budget of the city of Forks. With relief I noted she did not openly display the medallion and kept it under her shirt at all times. Smart girl, that one. It was worth more than the building she sat in and I didn't like the idea of other humans knowing about it. She did not need any more attention.

I regretfully shut the box with a clang and returned it to its space in the wall. As I turned the key locking the small rectangular door back in place, staring at the number 1918 as I walked past box 3996, I dearly wished I could read her mind or had the temporary gift of x-ray vision. I wanted to know what Genevieve had up her sleeve, considering we had days before the enemy attacked. I knew whatever it was it couldn't be good. I ignored the salacious thoughts of Mrs. Stanley as I escorted my girlfriend out of the vault. She seemed to think I appeared loving and possessive and just plain fierce around my frail singer. Human were so clueless. Except, of course, for mine, I thought as she reached out and took my hand in her own interlacing our fingers.

* * *

**AN: So, we've had an awful lot happen here. Leah really is pregnant, and engaged. The pack are learning how to be a pack. Paula is showing them who's their shaman. Edward and Carlisle had an interesting chat about mutual family history. Starched Shirt Edward got caught having hygiene issues. Ahem. Charlie got schooled on what a horrible parent he is at Edward's hands. And we got to see Edward and Bella have a Dully Normal conversation without Genevieve butting in. Or anyone else. Bella has had disturbing dreams and tells Edward about them, dreams that sound awfully familiar. Edward took Bella on the first part of Jenny Stone's Marrying my Singer Master Plan. I should point out that box 3996 was the one that the Cullen men opened and found the picture of Skeevy. The one that they re-broke back into the bank and put things in for Bella at Genevieve's instruction. Box 1918 was the other box that Bella had mentioned having while she stayed with the Cullens. It had her chess set and a few other boxes in there. It also had a bracelet, Etruscan in style that Bella took with her telling Edward it was important. Oh and she mentioned that her relatives had more safe deposit boxes. Next is the second part of their First Date. **


	35. HOD pt 24 What Could Possibly Go Wrong

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks as well to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills.**

**If you all want to be entertained click on the reviews on for this chapter. Viridis and Cullen Pear both wrote absolutely hilariously witty ones. I salute thee ladies. You win at life. **

**Many thanks to my amazing readers for inspiring me with your kind words. You all keep me writing this:**

**Pamela J. Austin, CindyWindy, Forest Sentry Koneji, Queen Cocaine, Nethhead97, mamato, Sapphira Majoram, Nerdlee/Notmyself, TwilightMommyofTwo, Miss Poison, luv4edwardcullen, Sariedee, fanficreader83, BellaS, blue2185, June, Robs_Muse (you had to go and dare me), dellatwi, lisamackb, L., Sheeijan, twilighted22, Sunshinemommy, Sweetswirlypop, Mizra, Merrisol, Jacque, Disney Vampire, Elphabacy35, pclo, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, amyat, crackupmonkey, oncebitten, redsoxlove, and Sweetness 4683**

**AN: This is the part of the plot where I'm tying things together. At times I might call back on something from an old chapter - like oh Sister Claire's knife being a vampire blade. Along those lines I wanted to remind you all that when Bella was in the hospital with pneumonia, Mike Newton sent her a box of chocolates. Edward gave it to the nurses (his minions) because he had read that chocolate triggered the same pleasure centers of the brain that sex did. And there was no way he'd let his singer cheat on him with a common Hershey's bar. Also, in previous chapters I've established that Bella's Grandparents and Great-Uncle were murdered on the same night by Billy Black and that Bella was not allowed to go to their funerals. And Bella inherited the O'Shea land, her father didn't. So Edward and the rest of the Cullens have been warned that red-eyed people are coming soon to attack his kith and kin if he doesn't surrender "them" to the Violet Gorgon. Since Violet Gorgon never stipulated who precisely "them" was and how to surrender them, they are understandably concerned. Edward has shielded his singer and the Cullen residence and all the Cullens are thinking and speaking in obscure languages at vampire pitch 24/7 in case they are being heard. Edward helps make six Quileute tribal members into wolves – ones that are supernaturally confined to a guest cottage. Leah and Sam are pregnant and engaged. Bella showed no physical harmful effects from her ordeal with the Gorgon in terms of her heart, but has been soul-scarred with glowing gyrfalcons. Edward has been venom tattooed on the palms of his hands with the same marks. And Bella has more than one group of spirits tracking her as Edward and Grace find one had been lurking in the room undetected for hours. Grace calls the spirit "Young to Me Old Power" one that apologized for masking Bella's scent and insisted she'd been marked to protect her. Bella also confessed to Edward that she's having a disturbing dream. Carlisle confessed to Edward how his powers ****really**** work and assured him that he will, as the head of the coven, protect them. Benedict, the blonde vegetarian vampire that changed Mary Alice in her vision is most likely Carlisle's cousin. Edward took Bella to the bank to see what she kept inside her ****other**** safe deposit box; the one he didn't have access to the last time he broke in. They are now on their way out of the bank to the second part of what Edward sees as their first date. His committee has ordered him to take her to the O'Shea land and see what happens; you know that land that the tribe sold because it was haunted by evil spirits that kept killing the owners of the land? That one.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness Part Twenty-Four: ****What Could Possibly Go Wrong with a Miscreant Immortal Having an Un-chaperoned First Date? **

As we passed out of her work area, Mrs. Stanley noted with relief that our clothing appeared to be in order, not a hair out of place. She chided herself for having naughty thoughts about a young lady like my dear little one. I was apparently fair game in her mind. Guiltily, she had the agitating image of my girlfriend at age thirteen sitting in the cemetery slumped against her Great Uncle's headstone weeping inconsolably at Christmas. Walking her not-worth-even-a-Jasper-bite-sized barking Pomeranian appropriately named Yippy, Mrs. Stanley had handed the dog to her chattering daughter and had ordered her to walk home immediately. Then she had marched across the graveyard to my poor piteous human's side. That poor child didn't have money for flowers and seeing as it was the middle of winter, she'd left fir branches on each grave. Mrs. Stanley remembered that was when she started crying, too, dabbing at her eyes.

To my shock, Mrs. Stanley had sat down on the frigid ground beside my oblivious girlfriend and had peeled her stiff limbs from the tombstone. She had rocked her like a small child, muttering, "there, there sweetheart," in a choked voice. Mrs. Stanley remembered being shocked because everyone knew that Charlie Swan's daughter was not known for crying, and had not shed a single tear despite being traumatized over the death of her relatives. And not to even get her started on what an airhead Renee Swan had been for not permitting the child to attend the funerals, and my goodness the poor child must have been out here for ages because despite being bundled up in mittens, a coat, and a hat, she felt ice cold, she thought as she rubbed at her arms to create friction. I never got to see the rest of that vivid image because Mrs. Stanley had become yet again distracted this time by the ringing of her phone.

Jessica was calling, proving my point that the girl was an inveterate mental stalker with unbelievable tenacity and unlucky-for-me timing. And now, besides the spiteful satisfaction of knowing it would drive her daughter insane, I had yet another reason to send the elder Mrs. Stanley flowers and possibly chocolate, as she clearly needed an outlet for those inappropriate thoughts. One could never have enough minions. And having Jessica wonder why her own mother received flowers from me should keep her mentally occupied for hours. I ordered both to be delivered to Mrs. Stanley on a monthly basis as Jugurtha smiled in agreement, jotting down directions. Even Starched Shirt Edward found it appropriate, although he would have preferred an icon of the Blessed Mother be delivered with them. We voted that suggestion down two to one. Which was totally fair.

My siblings, thank goodness, had no idea about Mrs. Stanley's ludicrous musings concerning my alleged "scent"-antic shenanigans with my singer in the bank vault. I decided I would ponder the images of my singer I'd taken from the dim-as-her-daughter woman's feather-light mind at a later date. The memories made my digestive system hurl into an uproar. Further consideration at the present moment would have been more than I could have borne. I was nervous enough as it was.

Weighed down by a bracelet and a pendant that individually cost millions of dollars, and a strangely illuminated with green light pearl necklace that clearly did not, my dear little one, hand in mine, permitted me the privilege of escorting her to the passenger side door of my automobile. Signified by her stumble, the afternoon dose of her pain medication had begun to take effect. She wobbled a bit, so I moderated my pace and heaved a sigh of relief once I had her safely ensconced where she could not shatter an ankle or two. And I most decidedly ignored the five female and one male Bank of America employees who excessively scrutinized my backside in appreciation of the male physique. Humans had such peculiar dietary habits. Why two of them were staring at my appropriately attired _gluteus maximus_ and tittering about craving hot buns was completely beyond me.

Perhaps it was a side-effect of the soul-scarring business, but lately when we held hands it seemed like there existed a crackling aura that went beyond that initial distinctive jolt I'd experienced in the past. I'd named the gyrfalcons on her throat, nape, and back but had yet to come up with labels for the other ones on her body or the ones on my own palms. Calling them 'Lefty' and 'Righty' somehow didn't seem fitting, I decided as I started the ignition key. From four blocks away I heard Emmett crank the Mercedes. His custom jeep made it a little difficult to skulk in Forks.

And with that, we had an excursion. I took a scenic route to our destination. The weather fortunately cooperated as a light rain storm began keeping the sun at bay. I wanted to pump my fist in excitement because I had remembered to put several umbrellas in the car to prevent her from catching a chill in the definitely foreseen advent of being caught in inclement weather.

"Where to now?"

"I thought I'd take you to see your family's farm by the scenic route. We have to pick out where you want to place the explosives since you said you wanted to blow it up. I'm happy to assist you on that venture." She smiled but did not protest and at her grin I let out a breath I hadn't been aware of holding. Discreetly. I think. Some humans became twitchy in severe weather. Mine simply looked more relaxed as the storm worsened. I had worried with it raining she'd want to return home. My singer was a trooper, not becoming all hysterical over a bit of precipitation like most humans did when the road almost flooded out on our way there. Then the sky began putting on a real show with accompanying booms of thunder and cracks of lightning. My siblings were excited because the intensity of the rain would make it easier to hide. Humans didn't look behind them when it was pouring. They weren't attuned like we were to always being alert to prey.

And luck shone upon me, since our route on isolated roads made close trailing by car and listening by vampires at least for the first ten minutes, impossible for my siblings. I had her all to myself without my four conversational duennas parsing every word that tripped from my teeth. They had to stay out of hearing range, thank God. Some might have accused me of trying to drag out my time with her when I drove under the posted speed limit. I preferred to think of it as being extra careful that demons didn't pursue us – aside from the ones I had asked, that is. Furthermore, it showed I valued the sanctity of my singer's body. As I had learned first hand, my body could not be hurt in a traffic accident, although I could not say the same for her. My car holding precious cargo warranted extra care with maneuvering the vehicle in the thunderstorm. It didn't take long to reach the tract even taking the back roads. Alas. Alack.

We arrived at a driveway guarded with a sixteen-foot-tall black metal gate. I stopped the car. I hadn't thought to even consider that the solitary rocky-soiled tract of nine hundred and eighty-eight acres would be difficult to access by vehicle. "Wait here," She grabbed an umbrella from the well in the passenger-side door, leapt out of the car, and walked to a keypad. My human punched in thirty-four numbers, as I noticed the electrified fencing surrounded the property. Someone had security issues. How Liam had held off using concertina barbed wire as that added touch was beyond me. With a low buzz, the gate pulled back opening a space just wide enough for the car to pass through. It quickly slammed shut the second the back bumper of my car traversed it like the steel jaws of a trap. The two hundred foot tall Western Hemlock trees here were old growth, the forest pristine. They had changed the path to their domicile since I'd been there last, adding in a road that meandered for a half a mile through the thick woodland before bringing us to the deserted farmhouse.

As I parked the car, I had to work not to gawp like a tourist. Painted a bright white with green shutters, it appeared like a ghostly mushroom out of a thicket of the Sitka Spruce trees, the two story house seemed astonishly well maintained after all these years. It had been expanded since the last time I had visited in 1940. And they'd added in a detached two-car garage.

The paint appeared recent, the roof, too. Someone had added in a garden, for crying out loud, with flowering wisteria vines creeping across trellises that canopied the front path. The dark purple flowers scoffed at me. I seemed not to be able to escape that color as of late.

"Are you suggesting the Violet Gorgon planted the wisteria vines to torment you?" Jugurtha asked using his best professorial voice.

"I wouldn't put it past her to order some serfs to do so."

"That would imply that she knew how to find our dear little one all along, and that spending generations searching for her had been, what, recreational amusement?"

"Oh."

"Stop seeing the Gorgon into everything. Pay attention to her," he pointed at my quiet girlfriend, "instead. You can't get a second chance at a first date."

The tributary of the Quillayute River that had cut across the property had been covered with a stout wooden bridge. I aided my girlfriend in exiting the vehicle with a gentlemanly hand and a golf-sized custom made black umbrella escorted her up the verdant walkway. Once we passed through the wisteria my girlfriend tugged on my hand, past clumps of yellow hyacinths and daffodils to a well worn white graveled path that led to the back side of the house. Now that looked even more familiar.

While the house seemed immaculate, the exhausted barn peeping through the trees reeked of decay. The only thing it lacked was a crudely painted sign that said, "Keep Out." The boards were worn and bleached by age. I could smell the dust mites from here. And dander. She couldn't possibly want to go into that pernicious pesthole. It would be detrimental for her frail lungs.

She most definitely wanted to go there.

The Douglas fir trees jostled against one another in the forest, like penitents in the overflowing square before the Cathedral on a feast day. Avariciously, I decided one immortally assisted falling log, and that structure would join the ash heap of history, I glared when she looked elsewhere. The old growth forest offered trunk circumferences of a size that could handily smash the structure. Although a stiff wind would do in a pinch. I briefly considered exploding the barn to save her health. Starched Shirt Edward griped that we'd risk ruining her clothes, coiffure and endanger her lungs with microscopic particles of the exploding barn that would shower us. Not to mention that coming up with an explanation could prove difficult. I could always blame Billy. He seemed like an equal opportunity quintuple-murdering when last I'd counted bad guy. Adding a destroyed barn to the list of his sins would not be a stretch.

Jugurtha said, "We had to take her to the land to see what she would do. We cannot interfere. The committee would be displeased. Patience is rewarded. You're going in there." A considerable amount of will power prevented me from huffing in frustration as our feet ate up the distance to that deathtrap of allergen hell with my wheezy heart-challenged little bottle cap at my side. I snatched her hand meaning to pull her away at the last minute. Sensing my discomfort, she said, "I wanted to show you something if that's ok while we're here," in the same tone she used when spilling her secrets. Fantastic, now mere manners and morbid curiosity dictated I grant her my leave to enter. I'd just been conversationally checkmated without making a move.

"Of course." I lied through my shiny white teeth. They should have gleamed.

Well. They should. It was only right if I was the villain - I mean hero - in this scene with the poor virginal when last I'd checked her records damsel.

We trudged through the woods to the dilapidated door. And of course, as luck would have it, the area in front of the barn brought back fond memories. Just like all those years ago, it was a pig pen's delight. Mud heaven. Despite the passage of decades some things never changed. "Hold this," I asked, as I handed her the umbrella. She squawked in alarm when I lifted her bridal style. "Fake Boyfriend, I am perfectly capable of walking."

"Fake Girlfriend, that area is covered with deep mud. I'll take you if you desire to go there, but I can't have you dirty your feet." Thank goodness she wore the boots Mother had bought her as the canvas tennis shoes I wanted to burn would have been soaked. I left unsaid that she'd most likely have lost her balance in the thick mire.

"Fine. Please take me over there," she jerked her head toward a sagging corner of the wall. My muck boots squished three inches into the sucking earth. For a moment I thought of those movies that Emmett and Jasper loved to watch that had the hero sinking in quicksand usually being eagerly strangled by a cheerful python wound around his neck like a scarf. The sludge clung to my ankles like a forlorn suitor. I placed her on the ground before the barn.

She moved a small shingle in a patched area of the wall to the side, once I placed her solidly on less muddy ground. With practiced fingers, she entered in an entirely different set of numbers on a keypad that seemed borrowed from an old telephone handset. Since my siblings lurked in the forest and had a clear view, I did not bother to recite the numbers back to them. I did notice that whoever had taken the keypad had deactivated the sounds one made when dialing different buttons. I heard the creak over the downpour as a door latched open, allowing us entrance. It wasn't the door that had a large rusty lock hanging from a thick set of almost orange chains; the one I'd used all those years ago. "Window dressing," she explained as she stepped to her left, jerking her head at the now apparently false entrance. The door shut behind us and I faced a reinforced steel door. She leaned her hand forward to a black control panel and it was scanned by an ultraviolet beam of light allowing her entrance. Liam had entirely too much time on his hands. No wonder he'd expired single. Worse, he did shoddy workmanship as I could hear two circuits malfunctioning. Despite the fact that he'd indeed been murdered, he had been too busy being paranoid, which was probably why he died. Clearly his sister had seen that one coming and they hadn't done a thing to prevent it in my dream, so what did that leave him to be so fastidious about? It did not strike me as prudent to blurt that out, so I asked a different question.

"The paint on the house looks recent."

"It is."

"Your father had it done?" I must have said something wrong because she frowned.

"No, _I_ did."

"Why?" It wasn't like anyone lived here. And she hadn't put the land on the market.

"Because it needed doing. And I promised them I'd take care of it." She said that like it was common sense.

"You didn't paint it yourself," my voice rose in alarm at the idea of my singer trying to accomplish that death inducing feat, dangling perilously from a swaying ladder or tripping across the steep roof and falling to the ground to land in a pile of shrubbery leaving a singer-sized body print.

She laughed, "Do you think I have a death wish? I hired a professional team."

I wanted to ask, "With what money?" but feared that was rude. It didn't stop me from deciding that I'd have to conduct further research on her financial records as obviously, much to my dismay, I'd missed something. And that was unacceptable.

"You're very conscientious," I said instead. It would have been awkward to say, "Where did you get the money considering your bank account has less that $2,000 dollars in it and all your Grandparents' and Great Uncle's accounts are monitored and show no activity beyond gaining money from interest according to my records." She'd paid for my mother's flowers with crumpled dollar bills and pocket change, by Jove. Cross-examining her like a cornered witness wouldn't do. Not on a first date. I'd have to ask later. Perhaps after the second one. In the meantime, I'd have to let my fingers do the walking, on my laptop. Not her. Unfortunately.

"I try." This one was new, well new to me at least. The interior of the barn, that is. The last time I'd been here I'd barely glanced at it, stopping to feed the O'Shea's livestock at vampire speed. I had done my best to ignore back then the stench of their feces and urine. I remember much to my horror watching Emmett milk their cows. And the stench in general. I had no use for animals unless I ate them. Still didn't, actually.

We walked into the murky interior. Honestly, I expected the roof to leak, well, everywhere in the pounding rain, and it surprised me to find it secure, and the floor dry. I hung up the umbrella on a hook she pointed to, one that already had several umbrellas of various sizes dangling from it. She shrugged out of her coat and hung it on a peg suited to her size. At her stare I took mine off and placed it on a taller hook above hers. I didn't have to ask if that had been Liam's by the wistful expression on her face. Somehow the coats looked right hanging there together. Liam had put down rubber mats in the immediate area. A nearby closet held raincoats of various sizes and weights, ones to fit a growing adolescent as well. The walls, however, occupied my attention.

The area where the "window dressing" door sat was blocked by a thick steel barrier. Anyone that had pried open the rusty chain would have encountered a nasty surprise. And had said intruder moved to another part of the barn he would have had the same problem. We were standing inside a reinforced steel box built inside the barn. Only the floor and interior walls were original, and I'm sure Liam had dreamed up something unpleasant to keep people from tunneling. Upon first inspection, it looked like a rudimentary lab inside with the old part of the barn occupying the remaining space. Nothing special stood out to my senses. I could smell the odor of those same animals from years gone by. None had been here in quite some time. And Jasper was going to be professionally miffed when he realized that Liam had built a lab from scratch without leaving a trail.

In contrast to the last time I'd been here, by appearance the interior had been cleaned, and the beeswax on the floor boards smelled years old. At first glance, it appeared no one had been in here in years. No one except my singer, I saw, from the several sets of small shoe prints to my right. She sneezed. I'd have to do something about killing all the dratted dust mites. Cleaning the room at vampire speed might be necessary, but it would be difficult to explain. So I'd just have to ensure she never came here again. That seemed rational. I handed her my handkerchief as she daintily wiped her nose and tucked it away in her pocket with a, "Thanks." I saw several sets of larger feet that a mortal would have missed, that had left tracks near her own. Recent tracks. I extended my senses sniffing for something and whatever scent he or she had, was long gone. A variety of ferns native to the area grew in waist high square planters with sprinklers overhead and special lights formulated to mimic sunlight. Licorice ferns and sword ferns battled for room, elbowing each other. I could smell the mold. And fungi. And fertilizer. My chest hurt suddenly.

"How do these survive if no one lives here?"

"Great Uncle Liam had a computer programmed to water and fertilize them and run the lights. And it's kind of hard to kill ferns."

I should limit her exposure. "My goodness, what a large barn." I said thinking, _"My we should get out of here before you have an asthma attack and require more epi pens than I have on my person." _Although five was quite high. And I had a nebulizer and a portable generator in the car. One couldn't be too prepared. Especially with her luck. I stared at the rows of vegetation in perplexity. I wanted to rant at her, "_I would have been more relieved if you were showing me your secret stash of marijuana plants to explain your ability to pay bills. Instead your big secret is a fern farm? Clearly, you need to get out more."_ Her maniacal thank God they're really dead relations, however, ensured that was not the case.

Rosalie, Emmett, Mary Alice and Jasper called out to me. Apparently they had to climb trees and go to paranormal lengths to access the land, which amused them all. Seeing as the gate recorded each entry and someone had to monitor the security system in place, they had decided to hide the car and leap through the tops of the trees.

Emmett said, "Someone cut down the trees that a human could have leapt into Edward as far as I could see along the fence line. They didn't ruin the forest, but they sure made it impossible for mortal to do what we did." I had a suspicion as to the identity of that special someone.

Now my family stood in the woods listening to the words I did not speak. No pressure. At vampire pitch I whispered to them in Vano, a nearly extinct language spoken by 5 geriatric mortals in the Solomon Islands, "We're in his lab, teeming with boring ferns galore, that has a steel enclosure inside the barn. There are two strange sets of footprints."

Emmett and Rosalie decided to hunt the area to see if they could catch a scent. Emmett called out over his shoulder, "Be safe and if you get stuck for conversation ask her about the plants. Bella likes plants." Why he was advising me on what my girlfriend liked was beyond me. I knew her better than he did. Did he know where her birthmark was? Scratch that. He'd better not.

Liam had had the practicality to put up a mud room to clean the grime from his boots mere steps from the doorway, yet never fixed the earth so the mud went away. How strange. Jugurtha said, "Mud leaves footprints. It's easy to tell if someone has approached your lair. Mud for Liam appeared convenient for his needs. Very low-tech surveillance system. It keeps your siblings at a distance as well." Low tech indeed.

My dear little one said, "Come on," and let me to a tiled area. She turned a faucet and fresh heated water poured from the green hose in her hand. This was most definitely not how I had envisioned taking our first shower together, I grumbled mentally, as I took the hose from her. Jasper had the same filthy mind as I and asked at vampire pitch in Vano, "Edward do we need to come in there?" Mary Alice patted his hand and said, "They're fine, dear. He's taking the mud off his boots." I refused to answer my brother's ridiculous implications. Besides, I was diverted by the temperature. The heat of the water gave me pause. Somehow that didn't seem right in a deserted lab like this. Why have functioning water heaters in a building no one used?

As our flesh touched when I took possession of the water hose, the scars on my hands seemed to stand out more to me today. I'd decided to name the left one FitzSinister and the right one FitzFortuna. The latin word for "left" was _sinister_, and that definitely seemed appropriate. The art of augery had Roman priests poking through the bodies of birds for signs from the gods. Having a bird on the right side meant good fortune. I had a feeling I'd need it. To make it for myself, that is. I did a making me pass for a human double-take - fine she actually really surprised me when she pressed a button and the pressure on the water increased. The jet handily blasted the clinging grime from the soles of my boots, nearly causing me to drop the hose. Which would have been bad. Because she'd most definitely have gotten soaking wet. Gadzooks.

"Thank you for carrying me Edward, you saved me from a fate worse than cleaning my boots." Her jest made Jasper feel appropriately guilty. And in the highly unlikely occasion that I were doing something improper one would think emo-boy would have picked up all sorts of inappropriate waves of lust coming from my and most especially _her _direction before he questioned my behavior. And blocking those aforementioned feelings as they pinged around in my mind was totally fair and called for. He confessed to his mate that the only feelings he picked up from me were my usual combination of fear and confusion. That was one victory for me in the grand scheme of things. Go me.

Once satisfied that my boots were presentable, I turned off the water and shook drops from my feet, wiping them dry on another thick mat. My singer passed through the fronds of a potted tree fern. She walked to the doorway that appeared to lead to the original stable's tack room. As she stepped across the threshold, she pushed on a metal bar that blended in with all the metal and leather accoutrements for horses that I didn't smell and long dead cows that I did, hanging on the wall. A doorway opened, one that seamlessly blended into the wall before my gaping jaw. I told my siblings, "She pushed on a bar and opened a secret door in the tack room," at vampire pitch. When her back was turned I sent the image to my family. Since I didn't have Hezekiah's stick in hand, it didn't work so well, not to mention hurt like the Dickens, but they managed to gather from my mind the location of the lever.

Mary Alice said, "Can you tell where it goes?"

"Down into what was the root cellar," I answered at vampire pitch as I stared into the doorway.

"What the hell?" Emmett bellowed at vampire pitch having returned with his mate. "Jasper, didn't you look at the blueprints for the buildings?"

"Of course. There aren't any for a basement in the barn, and there aren't any records for a security system. I'm not stupid, you know." Jasper sounded defensive, excited, and exasperated. I ignored them both.

"Oh, Edward we found tracks that are about three months old that lead to the North. They climbed the trees and we lost them from there," Rosalie said.

"Bella, what is this?" I asked on behalf of my curious self and my family skulking outside.

"My Great Uncle's hangout."

"Liam?"

"I don't have any other uncle, Edward." She led me down the staircase and flicked a switch. That single light bulb did not produce enough wattage to aid the average human, I fretted. Not that I needed to install a brighter once since she was most assuredly not setting a boot inside this place again.

"Not even on your mother's side?"

"She was an only child." Thank God for that side of the family's infertility.

"I thought we were in his lab back there."

"He did some work there, but most down here." I wondered if the lab we'd just walked through was fake.

"Was that window dressing?" I tilted my head back towards the tables of ferns, sulking for attention.

"It's complicated."

"How does this place have power?" I blurted wanting to rip out my own tongue and not bothering to hide the panic on my face.

Rosalie hissed I needed to, "Show a little more sensitivity, please."

She stopped and turned to face me. I definitely had the moral high ground in placing steadying hands around her unfortunately, I mean fortunately covered by a bulky sweater waist. Leaning forward in a whisper, she said, "There's this_ fascinating _thing called electricity."

"Which requires money." I left out the "considering you are poor as a church mouse" part. That was sensitive.

"Which I have and pay monthly. It's not like it ever uses any. Liam put in a solar system," she tittered, "that doesn't do much for the tax breaks and a wind driven system that works a lot better. I pay the water and sewage, too. And the property tax. I argued with the city's office and got the price reduced the past four years."

I had never seen evidence that she used or had other funds. This was so perplexing. And she wore a wicked smile thinking about tormenting the city's land tax collector. I rather liked it. I couldn't wait to see her smile like that at me. Soon.

"You'll have to earn it." Jugurtha advised, looking up from his copy of his new favorite story The Most Dangerous Game. How right he was.

"So why the hidden door?"

"My Great-Uncle was a little secretive about his work." She remained calm as the doorway slid shut soundlessly. I noticed a machete within reaching distance at Liam's height. Did he grow a jungle downstairs? Tame fearsome animals? He had more than one blade. And they appeared to be sharp. Hanging above them were two rifles. With sniper scopes. And above those were shelves with ammunition.

"A little?" You don't say. Well I'll be a monkey's uncle. He was currently driving Jasper berserk attempting to isolate the gnarly path of his off-shore bank accounts. And that feat, in and of itself, was impressive. Jasper was beside himself that he had not figured out the two sets of numbers penned in lemon juice on the letter Liam had left. And Jasper from the sound of it most definitely mentally threw the male equivalent of a conniption fit; dueted by my own of course, now that we had learned about my girlfriend spending money we did not know she had on bills we did not even think existed. Sometimes the practicalities of this being human nonsense escaped me. Humans who do not abide in an empty farmhouse needed electricity, water and sewage? Who knew? Did she fear hurting the tender feelings of the ferns?

"Yeah. Liam was a botanist."

"I see. So there's a thriving market for purloined studies about ferns?" When in college I'd often heard professors mutter about academia being cut-throat vicious and all, which had made me snort under my breath – they had no idea what cut-throat meant in _my_ universe - but this appeared preposterous.

She didn't answer but slowly pivoted and reached for the banisters.

Mary Alice said, "I think you hurt her feelings, Edward."

She could not take a step as my hands still encircled her waist. I pulled her against me apologetically with a squeeze. "Where are we going, Bella?" I asked quietly to her back breathing onto her hair at her crown.

Without turning around, she said in a mollifying tone, "I have some things to show you, if that's ok, and I can only do it here." Now that raised all kinds of interesting visions in my depraved mind as she stiffened her shoulders and stood straighter, bumping against me. Ones that Starched Shirt Edward immediately began shrieking about screaming, "No! Absolutely not. We cannot get an erection this close to our dear little one without a priest and two rings involved. Depraved Animal!"

Somebody was overly sensitive. I was not an animal. I probably _was _depraved by his high-in-the-instep standards. And I most definitely did not have an erection. Yet. And I hadn't seen a shard of glass so far. Shatter, that is. But I had a dream.

"I think his work might have something to do with why he died." She halted suddenly and her back ran into my chest. To steady her, I put my arms around her, and leaned forward, my face near her ear. I don't know why but I felt like whispering. Perhaps because of the dim interior.

"Bella, why did Liam build a lab underground?" It took all my willpower to keep my lips from her neck. I'd gulped three bags of blood before school had ended, and had scrubbed my teeth and chewed those breath strips to smithereens. I couldn't understand why I wanted to attach my lips to the flesh right under her right ear if I wasn't hungry, aside from that whole she smelled like the most amazing thing on earth issue.

"I think it already was here and he did some renovating with Grandfather Jericho." On that I could most definitely say she was wrong. In1940, it had been a shallow root cellar.

"What did Jericho do?" Beyond knowing he was retired at the time of his death, I'd paid him little regard. Perchance that should change.

"He was an engineer."

Clearly he had done a lot of work here. The rubber matted staircase had not one, but two handrails and was quite sturdy even by human standards. It would be hard to slip on these stairs. Jericho had put thought into the double-banister. It had one sized for an adult, and then another below for a smaller child's grasp. Noting my scrutiny she said, "Liam used to bring me here so he had the rails built so he didn't have to worry about me falling." Liam had been tall. The rails, both sets of them, were sized for her height at different ages. The smaller set fit a child. The larger set was scaled perfectly to her current height. He'd planned on having her down here often. Either that, or Genevieve had also been clumsy, which somehow I doubted. The crowning achievement however was the last modification. There was a metal barrier that moved down the staircase in response to her footsteps. Had she fallen, it would have caught her. Someone had wanted her down here on a regular basis, and in one piece.

"I see."

"What did Genevieve do?"

"Lots."

"I'm sorry?"

"She was a doctor."

"What type of practice did she have?"

"Family practice."

How a medical doctor could stand aside and allow her brain-injured granddaughter to go without therapy without saying a word. In that second, it was a good thing Genevieve was already six feet under the earth. Lying to my dear little one was inexcusable. On that issue. Everything else was fair game. But still. What a bizarre set of family values.

We found ourselves at the base of the stairs in what appeared to be a hoarder's heaven. The metal barrier latched open like a gate, permitting us to pass through. Six foot tall stacks of coiled electrical wire, four feet ones of burlap sacks filled with dried beans, eight towers of paint cans, a stack of chemically treated two-by-fours leaned against the wall next to a basket full of soccer balls - the useless accoutrements took up every inch. This definitely looked like material worth murdering three people. I spied five dusty trunks, seven sets of work boots scattered about, and two rotting garden hoses. A child's china doll with a missing left arm and chopped black hair on one side of its ringlet covered head sat on a stack of boxes in the middle of it all, and seemed oddly out of place.

She led me through the stack of clutter to a square table piled with phone books in the corner. Somehow I didn't see the use of keeping the Yellow pages from that era. She said, "Can you please help me?"

"Surely. What would you like me to do?"

"Move this."

"The table?"

"Yes, please."

"Where do you want it moved to?" She was so unusual if she wanted furniture moved I would be happy to comply. I pushed back my sleeves like I'd seen other humans do.

"I need you to move it two feet that way." She pointed to the left. There was just enough space to do it, although it would press against the fifty-pound burlap sacks of pinto beans, that sat by a five foot tall bag of Styrofoam peanuts.

It pushed aside easily of course, the table, that is. And I had no problem handling the sacks. And it perfectly covered a trap door. It had an odd looking metal handle sticking out. She would definitely have had trouble doing this alone.

"Bella?" I probably had a frown on my face.

"Oh come on, where's your sense of adventure?" she teased, swatting me in the chest.

I moved to lift the handle and she literally pounced on me, stopped me with a yelp. "Don't! You'll set off the security system."

I hadn't detected anything out of the ordinary about the handle. It wasn't electrified. I stared down at her, confused. I didn't mind her plastering herself against me like seaweed, though. I should reach for things stupidly more often if this was the result. She blushed to the roots of her hair and stammered, "Um, sorry."

"Not at all." I oozed charm. I wanted to say, "I'm not." Besides, it was her turn to say something. I hated this talking business. It wasn't every day I had gorgeous women throw themselves into my arms. Not ones I wanted to. And I'd never bothered to catch any that had tried in the past, perfecting the art of the sidestep with Tanya. Apparently my chest occupied my girlfriend's attention just then. I didn't want to interrupt her study of it. I could be patient. And she didn't unhand my so not offended body and step away for fifty-two seconds of glorious singer girlfriend time.

"My Great Uncle read way too many books about the Egyptians and how they put in traps in the pyramids. He was always afraid someone would break into his lab so he made it hard to get into." She moved to an area of the floor and flicked the carpet aside, revealing yet another buried keypad. This one appeared to have been borrowed from a calculator made by Texas Instruments.

"Did you save me from poisoned darts just now?" I joked. It didn't seem so funny when she jerked her head at me and asked, "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." Good stars she wasn't joking. I sniffed the air and detected trace amounts of a sedative coming from behind me. Had I been human and had been shot, I'd most likely have simply been irritated. Using darts in that manner meant they'd have to be re-armed every few days to keep the drug on the needles.

Punching in forty-five numbers seemed excessive but she did it anyway, and the door opened automatically with a hiss. At vampire pitch, I recited out the numbers to my siblings and directions on how to find the table. I wondered where I'd find the gas mask and second gun rack, portable toilet, and canned food. Liam was brilliant. Liam was crazy. Liam was scary. I'd have to re-check his records to see if he'd been prescribed medication for his clear case of obsessive compulsive disorder by his equally unhinged twin and her loony husband. A secret room within a secret room? The family tree didn't fork. At all. There were rare times, this being one of them, when I thanked God that despite that whole being undead and all, that I was to the best of my knowledge, sterile. Our children would have terrorized the world combining my set of genes with those of her delusional family. Although I still dreamed of them at night. My children. With her. Not her creepy family. Ours. Alone.

There was a sturdy ladder that led to a black pit below. If she thought I was going to let her climb down that on her own, she was as crazy as her Grandmother, Grandfather, and Great Uncle combined, "Bella," I warned cautiously. It was time to put my foot down.

"I'm going down there. You can join me if you like." She sounded almost bored, like she did this every weekend when she pretended to visit the Clearwaters. That last thought captured my undivided attention and wordlessly, I glared at her in accusation. Her meek flush didn't help matters. "Edward it's important."

I wanted to spit, "Over my dead body," but due to technicalities decided that didn't quite fit the situation. "Over my un-dead body" would have required far too much explaining, besides. And it lacked that ring to it.

"Fine. But the only way that will happen with you on pain medication that impairs your sense of balance is over my shoulder." I recalled Sue Clearwater insisting my singer didn't like being touched. I thought carrying her that way would definitely make her change her mind.

"Agreed," she extended her limb in a businesslike manner for a handshake to seal the bargain. Taking it, I bent in a smooth movement and hefted her across my shoulder. I definitely did not ignore that my left forearm was quite close to improperly touching her adorable backside as I lifted her puny weight and moved. Her unbound hair trailed against the back of me falling to the ground. Jugurtha looked up from over my schedule, reading glasses perched on his nose and offhandly said, "I know it's wrong of me to say, but that is such a hot image. You definitely need to up your game so you can propose to her soon. You could carry her like that all you wanted if you were wed." True. So true.

"He's right." Starched Shirt Edward agreed sanctimoniously, completely derailing the image I had of her wearing only my button-down shirt as I carried her off to our marital bed. Bastard. It was simply a harmless fantasy. And we'd been married in it, so that couldn't be wrong. I shushed them as I was trying to focus on not stepping on her dangling thick hair, or worse, becoming aroused and killing my girlfriend, my sweet smelling in more ways than one girlfriend. Panting right now would look so wrong. And I had to breathe to keep up that whole illusion of humanity business.

The entryway to the pit was wide enough to permit me to carry her without danger of her hitting her head, and the room below smelled of dust, algae, and auger with a touch of metal and minerals. Fine, some chemicals too. It smelled like any other lab except for all that glowing in the dark business that came from all around us as I descended the twenty rungs of the ladder, and was not caused by me. Or her. And when we climbed down, the thick trap door that had let us in the room in the first place slammed shut with a hiss of air, leaving us completely in the dark. Much to my alarm, I could hear my family, but they could not hear me. At all.

Emmett yelped, "His scent vanished. What the hell? That's it, I'm going in."

Mary Alice said, "Wait."

I turned my attention back to my dangling human who toyed with my belt loops, as my eyes landed on his extensive gun rack. And four gas masks. And stacked cases of ammunition. But no, that didn't capture the majority of my deliberation. That was too predictable. I had his number. Crazy as a bedbug didn't begin to cover Liam O'Shea.

Gingerly placing her on the floor I said staring around at the blue, green, red and yellow blobs that surrounded us on a sea of Petri dishes. "I'm sure, Fake Girlfriend you have a good explanation for this." I used a tone like Esme did when she caught Emmett doing something silly.

"Oh, that." She reached out a blind hand for a switch on the wall. Perhaps the glimmer of mirth she showed accounted for that twinge in my chest. I pretended to stumble against her to catch her by the waist. Anchored by my arms she could do all the reaching around she wanted. Wait. Never mind. Degenerate. Of the light switch. Safely. Sort of.

The lights came on to reveal a cavernous room the size of the barn.

"Yes, Bella. That." I waved arms around at the bright glowing patches scattered about the room. And stacked in a glass-topped freezer.

"It's my Great-Uncle's research. He used to let me help him with it." That baffled me. It's not like she could have been of any use.

"What did he study?"

"Power. I think it's the real reason why he died." Relying on decades of practice, I pretended to be mildly confused. Which, frankly, wasn't that challenging.

"What kind?" Was she about to tell me the power source of all that powerless energy? It'd be awfully convenient.

"No. Plant power. He was a botanist. He studied dinoflagellate algae."

What possible function could glow-in-the-dark organisms serve that would get Liam killed? While I waited for her to continue, I swiped a slide at immortal speed and put it in a coat pocket.

"He thought he could harness it to be like a new kind of self-sustainable energy. I don't understand it all. But I know it worked." She sounded sad.

Jugurtha said, "I think we just found the endless source of power."

"Algae?"

"Indeed. It's lived down here all these years. She's done nothing to keep it alive." That was correct. But I doubted she knew.

"Why is this all still here? Didn't your Father come and clear it out?" I hardly thought Liam needed guns where he currently rotted in the earth. It's not like they would work against the Violet Gorgon.

"My Dad doesn't know about it."

"His Uncle labored in the basement of the family barn years, and he didn't know? What did he think was going on?"

"Liam lived here and he and Dad weren't close. My father thought upstairs was Liam's lab." Her tone on that last part forbade verbal exploration.

Using my gentlest voice I asked, "So, do you need help clearing it out?" I thought that would be painful for her to do on her own. All those years ago, Father had gone through my human house and had done it for me, as I had not been in any state to accomplish it myself being a slobbering high-strung newborn. I had sat in the house on what he'd told me had been my bed and had fought with all my might to avoid weeping as he had worked. I remember it was two weeks after I'd been turned, and I had practiced appearing composed the entire time. Mercifully, he only took enough to fill two trunks, and hired people to take care of the rest. I couldn't put her through an ordeal like that. I had to be sensitive to her feelings, too.

"Clear what out?"

"The house and the lab."

"No, I'm moving into the house when I turn 18 in a few months since it's mine. I'm saving this for later."

"What do you mean? What are you saving?"

"His work. I'll finish it." She said that so matter-of-factly. And God help me, Genevieve had told us multiple times to "save it."

"Are you interested in biology?"

"Do I seem bored in class?"

"No. But you talk about literature and history more often."

"No Fake Boyfriend. You talk about literature and history and chess. Besides, just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I don't like it. Biology is my favorite class."

"You don't seem bored. But you don't seem surprised by what we learn."

"Because Liam taught me that material when I was ten. It's familiar."

"Why didn't you skip a grade or two?"

"My mother said I was too quiet to be with older students. And I was only ahead in a few subjects, not all of them." She sounded ashamed.

I stared at her like a fool. "It's those I'm after. Do you mind?" She pointed to two trunks stacked against one another. They were metal and appeared heavy by human standards. She flicked a switch and turned on more lights. Against one wall were bookshelves filled with journals and dusty tomes. Liam had kept his library down here.

"What's this?"

"Things he wanted me to have." Now she had my direct attention.

"Really?" I worked to keep my tone light.

"Really."

"Why is it here?"

"Liam preferred it. I just wanted to get something out of the bottom one." I quickly moved aside the heavy top trunk for her.

She opened the lid and took out three dusty volumes. They were even valuable by the looks of them. My girlfriend removed a ledger, a thin one, and put the dusty organic chemistry tomes right back inside. I'd read them all years ago so I ignored them. The object lurking disturbingly close to her hand caused me to do a very un-immortal like double-take.

"What is it?" She asked.

"That." I pointed at the trunk.

"My organic chemistry books?" Wait, those were hers? "Liam gave them to me when I was ten." No wonder she had nightmares. That man was a monster. Organic chemistry? My poor little algae lover.

I pointed again more particularly this time.

"This?"

"That."

"It's a knife, Edward. Liam had lots of them. He was a fencer." With machetes?

"May I please see it?"

"Help yourself. Just watch out the blade is sharp. I learned that the hard way a few years back." She showed me a minute scar on her arm that I'd never noticed from among her other scars. My poor human had a veritable collection of them. Scars that is, I thought, as I gazed sadly at FitzCarrion's defiant face. He all but shook a claw at me.

I picked up a knife that by all descriptions appeared to be the almost twin to Sister Claire's, except it was smaller, used for close fighting, more like a dagger. Only this one was sheathed in an elaborate scabbard.

"What do you know about this?"

"I know that it belonged to my Great Uncle Liam and that he wanted me to have it. He kept it down here along with his others. Beyond that, not much." She sounded bored, flipping through the pages of a small book. Typical woman, ignoring a silly sword that most men would drool over.

"So Liam fenced?"

"He liked it almost as much as chess. He taught me." At the idea of my most likely to trip human brandishing a blade I grew alarmed but knew better than to hurt her feelings by showing it. Her disability was off-limits.

"With that?" I stared at the knife.

"Yes. When he stopped having me use wood blades, we moved to this."

"I see." That sounded calm. I said that instead of "why?" I could guess that part. He was giving her physical therapy for her condition without letting her know. And perhaps training her to defend herself should someone attack. And that bothered me even more.

"My mother restores antiques. Why not have her take a look at it and get it cleaned for you?"

"Sure."

I couldn't wait to get this to the lab along with the slides I'd appropriated. Rosalie would have a ball if I could tear her away from my venom samples. She'd be in nerd heaven.

"Did you say he had more?"

"Do you fence like he did?"

"Now and then. Jasper is really into it, too." I used a casual tone.

"If you open that trunk," she gestured at the one I'd moved out of the way, the one that had been too heavy for her to lift, "You'll see his collection." Gawping in that fashion really did not add to my air of sophistication. I rubbed at my eyes and pinched my arm to ensure I hadn't wandered into a Hezekiah-induced hallucination when I stared down at the interior of the trunk.

I nearly wept. The entire trunk was filled with ordinary blades. And one other vampire blade right on top of the pile. My dear little one had no idea why I lifted her up and swung her around in joy. I blamed it on my addiction to fencing, and she seemed to tolerate it well. I couldn't take two knives out of here. And I most definitely needed to return to study at length Liam's lab. I had several degrees in biology. I was smart enough to figure that lunatic's work out, of that I was definitely sure.

"So he worked on this algae. What did he ultimately intend on doing with it?" Was he planning on taking down the oil empire single-handedly?

"That part I don't know. He told me that it was better that I not know."

"Did anyone ever threaten him?"

"He'd never have told me unless he thought I was in danger, too. Uncle Liam was quiet. But nobody crossed him." She left off the "Except for Billy Black," part.

"What made his work stand out? I'm sure lots of people study this algae. Everyone knows about red tides every time they happen the newspaper prints a picture."

"He created his own kind partly from local samples."

"Where'd the other algae come from?"

"Louisiana, I think. Maybe China." She shifted from foot to foot nervously. "That's the rest of what I wanted to show you." She couldn't show me the state of Louisiana. Well, correction, she could and I'm sure I'd enjoy the trip. But I wasn't sure what those words meant at that precise moment.

"Show away."

"Promise not to get mad?" She turned her back to me. I didn't like the hint of wheedle in her words.

"I promise to _try_. Will that do?"

"I guess."

"What are you worried will anger me?" I mean seriously, I didn't have a temper around her. Aside from my accusing her of nearly murdering my siblings that night of her truck accident in January, and picking up that linebacker Abraham that knocked her over in the hallway, and threatening Gianni the Groper in subtle Italian, she'd never seen my temper. I'd been careful. She moved to a rug by the wall. Liam had scattered area rugs throughout the room. He also had two overstuffed chairs and an ottoman as apparently he'd spent hours here. I noticed a bathroom off to the right with a large shower. Under the rug was another door. Oh my gracious mercy me, there was no way he---

She didn't punch in a keypad. She simply lifted the thick door. I could see the light from here. But I could only smell the ocean. And rock.

"It's a big cave that leads to the ocean. It's where he found the algae in the first place. He created a new strain and it's down here now." I didn't have to ask and neither did she as she allowed me to lift her over my shoulder and take the ladder several hundred feet down. I could see immense amounts of glowing plant life all the way from up here.

"Did he bring you down here often?"

"Yes, he even made me practice going to the ocean. He left lights all around."

"He had you do that alone?"

"Sometimes Seth was with me."

"Didn't anyone ever discover the entryway?"

"No, it's at the base of a cliff underwater. And my family put a steel barrier in case someone did. They couldn't have come inside."

When I had descended down near the base of the ladder, I couldn't help but notice several narrow ledges that were ten feet above the cave floor.

Jugurtha hissed, "We have company!" Grace sounded a call at the same time. Now I had warnings in supernatural stereo.

They were ledges that held occupants that had my heart been beating at the time, would have sent my blood pressure shooting for the stars. I gulped away venom and shushed her although it was far too late for silence. Two vampire blades, invisible to the mortal eye glowed at me from the ledges in the algae stuffed cave. And carved into each scabbard of the vampire blades was a gyrfalcon exactly like the one on me. I couldn't see down the tunnel she had mentioned that led to the Pacific from my current view. And I could not smell if we were alone considering that the parties interested in her most likely could cloak their scent, perched precariously and completely vulnerable on the ladder mid-air. But Jugurtha, Grace, and now the very quiet Starched Shirt Edward certainly felt another two presences. My cell phone did not receive a signal down here, so my family couldn't help me, but I used the Quileute powers to blare at them a warning. With a gentle touch, shoving away the sense of dread, I sent my singer to sleep. And reaching for my wolf powers, I used Hezekiah's latest trick. Without using colored power, I erected multiple rings preparing to fight. An enemy would have expected me to storm back up the ladder. A smart enemy would have someone waiting above. Did I mention I had no problems whatsoever with fighting dirty? I'd vowed after Violet Gorgon's last tea party that no one would _ever_ be touching my girlfriend, paranormally speaking or in any other way, I snarled. No one but me. I leapt for the cave floor and spun around with a roar; my woman sleeping in one arm, and Quileute fire blazing in the other.

* * *

**AN: Edward uses the words "Go me" in one part of this chapter which is my nod at Cassandra Claire's hilarious satire of the Lord of the Rings called the Very Secret Diaries. If you haven't read them, you should. I've posted the link on my profile. ****For anyone interested in red tides, or dinoflagellates, I've left links there as well. Edward obtained some haunting memories of Bella from Mrs. Stanley's mind on their way out of the bank. For the second part of their outing, Edward took Bella to Liam's house, and got the surprise(s) of his week. Well, the second set of surprises. No, dangnabit make that the fifth (Violet Gorgon, Supernatural Singer Scars, Young to Me Old Power, Carlisle Gift). Bella takes him to see Liam's lab and they find all sorts of fascinating things inside, like algae that glows in the dark, and a vampire blade or two. Bella thinks that his work may have had something to do with his death. And Liam appeared to be preparing for some kind of full-out attack. Further, he appeared to be training Bella from birth to face one with fencing lessons and cave explorations. Oh, and Edward discovered he was not alone in that cave underneath Liam's lab. Thanks so much for reading. Expect more Edward and Bella. Lots more.**

**Dream Edward is blowing kisses at you and groveling for a review. Starched Shirt Edward thinks that's unseemly, not to mention, lewd behavior, so he's asking nicely. For moral storytelling purposes, of course. **


	36. HOD pt 25 Technically, I Didn't Sleep

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta. And a generally amazing person. Starched Shirt Edward is blowing kisses at you.**

**Thanks as well to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills. Jugurtha gave you his best leer.**

**This goes out to : Mutt N. Feathers, Pamela J. Austin, Cullen Pearl (ZOMG), Miss Poison, Gwen69,PurpleMadDragon, Queen-Cocaine, Codelina, Mizra, Forest Sentry Koneji, Belle10108, CindyWindy, Virdis73, Angelbach, Luv4edwardcullen, Fanfictionreader83, pomme_de_terre, pillowbiter, redsoxlove, June, oncebitten, Cullen Concession, Chloe9, dellatwi, Sariedee, Notmself, pclo, Elphabacy35, crackupmonkey, Bella S, Sheeijan, Sunshinemommy, Disney Vampire, Robs_Muse, Merrisol, Sweetswirlypop, lisamackb, twimomgina, and Bkwrm. Thanks for being my muses and supporting this story. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness Part Twenty-Five: Technically I Did Not Sleep With Her on the **_**First **_**Date**

Starched Shirt Edward seethed in a steely voice, "You just gave away your location. Move. And be silent."

Jugurtha did not like someone stepping in on matters of predatory prowess and gently said, "With our dear little one in his arms he's already giving away his location. That's why you're going to place her in that crevice right over there using your wolf powers and top vampire speed and shield it. Now. No one would expect you to leave her."

I descried a crevice in the wall behind me to the right. I appreciated and followed his counsel and literally stuffed my sleeping thanks to me girlfriend into what appeared to be a hand-carved crevice absent of algae like a rag doll.

For a brief moment, her body warming the stone resembled a mortal interred in a mausoleum. I thought it would irritate the enemy to act unaffected, despite the mental histrionics. And I most definitely added in an extra invisible rampart or two to her already existing ones. I had intended for them to be invisible - my powers that is. Well invisible for all of thirty seconds before my temper got the best of me and they roared to life, before I quashed it again and went into wolf stealth mode. Moving constantly, quietly by immortal standards, I blasted my way seven feet to the left and forty feet to below on ground level.

Starched Shirt Edward began to grate, although he did have a point and as her welfare was at stake, physical and spiritual, Jugurtha and my two votes overruled Starched Shirt Edward's having a role in the battle planning. He babbled, "You're using our dear little one as a mortal distraction." And he was totally right and I had absolutely no problem with it. War was hell. And so was I. And no one was going to touch her anyway because I had control.

Starched Shirt Edward was fore with ordered to pray to Saint George, the patron saint of soldiers. Post haste. He and I had pettifogged for years about whether or not I should have fought in the Great War. He preferred violence only be used in religious contexts primarily for the removal of Satan, and occasionally for the protection of our little bottle cap. Personally, I didn't think praying to Saint George would prove beneficial since he was also the patron saint of archers, boy scouts, farmers, field workers, butchers, horses, those who enjoyed riding horses, those who made saddles for horses, and sufferers of plague, leprosy, and syphilis. Saint George was a busy dead man. Particularly with all the victims of syphilis. Not to mention 4,411,903 current members of the Boy Scouts in America that chattered at him. But it kept Starched Shirt Edward mumbling in Latin leaving us in peace to fight for our lives. And that of our dear little one.

But. This was so not fair. Wasn't I supposed to be chained to a log with a circular saw cheerily chomping through a tree trunk getting closer to my feet every second while the black garbed top hat adorned villains twirled their mustaches and rubbed their palms together in glee? I could handle peril like that. But threatening my singer twice in but a few days? And sticking her in a cave with fungi? And dust mites? And glow in the dark algae that had God knows what effect on her after being tinkered with by Liam - her definitely demented Great Uncle? When I was only just now getting myself resituated in the not passing out or vomiting department and being able to tune out the raging migraines the power use generated? The world was certainly not overrun with justice. As the beleaguered anti-hero in this scenario, I was officially filing a complaint with the cosmos, I thought, as I frantically scanned the darkness around me.

In Ancient Rome when legions mutinied, the military leaders executed every tenth soldier, hence the term "decimate" came to be, an orderly sort of permanently firing disgruntled employees in the fullest sense of that term. As time had passed, its meaning evolved from killing every _tenth_ man to merely wiping _all _of them out, leaving not a trace. I had every intention of using the new context of decimate, although the first one wouldn't hurt in a pinch. Finding someone to slay in the middle of all that glowing business proved challenging. As my appropriately masculine and, might I add, intimidating sounding roar of outrage ended, I could sense their presence. I reached out with my senses to see if I was surrounded by the not smelling but physically present and ready to slaughter me red-eyed people. Or the normal smelling but still prepared to mete out mayhem red-eyed people. But I couldn't see them or locate them by scent. Their spiritual presence was an entirely other matter. I had felt something. And now my vocal cords hurt. Along with my head. Although neither really mattered at present. Only she did. It would be bad if I had accidentally channeled Starched Shirt Edward and become a petrified paralogizer. He was so scared he didn't give his usual, "I heard that."

Initially, I had sensed another presence. Then my powers had triggered, and I had given the aforementioned masculine enough to be intimidating roar. Yet I stared around a dank multi-colored glowing cavern and failed to find legions of red-eyed or any-eyed immortals. Lovely.

It would be mortifying if I interrupted my first date with this stunning woman by whining for my family to come assist me in battle against, well, nothing. And if that happened, it would be awkward explaining to my singer once I woke her up that she was _fine_ despite that whole losing consciousness due to her over-reactive rat bastard of a boyfriend part, and we should continue on with our romantic excursion so I could gather more data for the committee I'd dubbed the Grouchy Geezers and Geezerettes. She could sleep later. And I could not detect the distinct energy signature of the Violet Gorgon's presence. So that was one thing in my favor. I spoke too soon. I felt this push as an invisible barrier tried to yank me forward away from her.

Extending my senses, Grace and I scoured the cave. We'd all felt two spirits. They felt "old" like the Gorgon, even worse. I'd managed to mentally contact my surveilling siblings simultaneously from down here without using Hezekiah's stick although not with anything beyond the mental yelp that signified I'd run into a wee bit of trouble. I could hear their thoughts but my head hurt too much to try to respond which worried them even more. And I'd have to remember to laugh later at how they had all shrieked and turned hissing and spitting because I'd put a bit too much energy into that thought I'd directed to them and had unintentionally electrically shocked them all. Oh the fun I planned on having. If I lived through the next thirty seconds. Mike Newton would never see me coming. And Jacob Black would find an entirely new appreciation of the term magnetism. His father, too. The fun I could have since he sat in a metal wheelchair.

There was nothing to be panicked about, just because I couldn't find the spirits I'd sensed earlier. I knew my family was on their way, storming Liam's security system. Mordantly, I wondered if Jasper keyed in the wrong digit in that ridiculously long entry code if a huge spiked ball would come out of the ceiling, or better yet, a trap door appear at his feet sending him to a pit filled with crocodiles. He'd love that. And he'd eat the crocodiles. He was whining the other day about needing a new pair of cowboy boots.

Jugurtha said, "Hey hotshot! Snark later, focus on staying undead and perspiring at present, grasshopper." I did not perspire. Much. I sniffed just in case. See? No sweat. Not from me.

"We need to get our dear little one last rites! And have her recite an Act of Contrition! Why couldn't I have found a vampire priest sooner!" Starched Shirt Edward had decided we were going to die. Jugurth open palm slapped him across the face for me as I was presently occupied not sniffing myself but most assiduously sniffing my singer above me. That seemed to do the trick.

"_Old ones." _Grace pronounced through our mental link. See, I wasn't out of my head.

"_Malevolent?"_ I asked her staring into the inky crevices around me; the only sound the crackle and pop of the Quileute flames in my right hand, my girlfriend's respiration, and the languid dripping of water. Perhaps Liam was right to have all those weapons handy. Not that they'd actually helped him at all, the Achilles of Forks. But still. I felt something probing at the edges of my power. Cautiously.

"_Not know."_ Grace sounded mournful.

I tried to reverse the tactic I'd done with the Gorgon, when I'd stared at my girlfriend's body – not in an improper sense, mind you, to discover the spirit within – the possessed spirit within. Only this time I took in the space before me, rather than the woman snoring like a vacuum cleaner above me. Behold, two souls hovered warily; one to my far left the other to my far right. The Far Right column faced my snuffling singer's den. Far Right Spirit would have to get through me to reach her, however, so I didn't mind his or her regard. My singer was supernaturally attractive. I understood their appropriate from 25 feet away appreciation of us both. They didn't appear to be angry, but they were poised to strike, and acted unaware of my observation. Cruel wench Lady Fate then decided I didn't have enough to do already and piled on more entertainment. My wolf senses discerned others coming from the narrow cave to my left that led to the Pacific. At least six by the feel of things. I couldn't hear physical feet falling or clothes moving through air or detect any unique scent. But somehow I knew they were there. My wolf powers said so. And Grace said they did not realize I saw them. Increasing my draw of power from the earth around me, I concentrated further and peeling back a layer of power managed to see what the closest ones looked like in physical appearance.

A dark blonde female with long plaited hair crouched on one side and was the Far Left Spirit. She wore a grey tunic and pants and boots that appeared hand made. Not the Italian-cobbler 3,000 a pair type of hand made. Her spirit flared and I couldn't tell her eye color as blindingly white rays were in its place. On the other side of the cave skulked a thin short-haired Asian male, wiry in build but definitely one to watch, attired in an identical outfit with the same eye glowing problem. How curious. Both were armed. With swords I could only see using my gifts. Neither had drawn a blade although both had their hands resting on the hilts, like a gunfighter in those trite movies filmed in Italy Mary Alice adored.

"_Grace, I can see them." _My headache started pounding and I decided it wouldn't be a fierce show of force if I vomited into the pool of non-odorous plant life. Their bodies disappeared to reveal columns that were almost as black as Jasper's soul. Far Left was the lightest in color and Far Right Mr. Rabblerouser most definitely came close to matching my brother in the darkness of his soul. Both of them unlike my brother were without the portion of white that he had possessed. And that wasn't good news for me if Starched Shirt Edward's theory about the white representing goodness. Fine. They had a few white specks here and there. Nothing like_ his_ white area. Which made them scarier. And for half a second I confess I wondered if I was going to see him get beat. I worried for him. Just not for me. I had, after all, triumphed over the prissy manner-challenged Violet Gorgon. How hard could this be? The six sets of feet silently stomping in the distance at vampire speed suggested I had two seconds to gird myself for unexpected immortal spiritual guests. Didn't anyone call anymore? Show manners? Supernaturally speaking, of course? What were they going to do, hurl insults at me in Oscan? Threaten my family? Criticize my wardrobe? Demand I get a haircut? Give me a worse headache? Wait. Scratch that.

I asked Grace through our link, "Do you sense more company arriving?" The Eight we had to deal with presently was going to be an unfair fight, after all. I was going to wait for them to have comrades to feel they had an even shot at glory. The spirits seemed to be sniffing at me and apparently I stank. And when they took note of my glowing scarred palms they recoiled. I couldn't capture the images of their physical bodies any longer. I was stuck with the colored columns. I reached out for Grace to see if she understood why I couldn't detect faces. That irritated me. I'd definitely seen the sneer of Violet Gorgon after considerable effort that caused nosebleeds and vomiting. I should be able to do this again since Hezekiah said my power increased with use and practice. Right?

"Talking." She indicated she was busy now.

I thought it only polite to allow my minion to converse with them provided my girlfriend was protected before I spiritually sand-blasted them from this plane of existence. It seemed fair.

"_Guarding cave and room. Want know what want." _That was about the time both of them started tossing balls of purple flame from hand to hand after craning their columns at my burning hand and backing away. Oh, like that was supposed to scare me? Amateurs. I decided to give them something to think about. I permitted more of the energy in my frame to show. And I might have been guilty of letting my head explode into a loadstar. Or two. The female leapt back hissing. The male appeared annoyed and I detected by the flicker of his spirit that now he was going to have to ruin his day by attempting to dismember me. As if. Then the six spiritual dwarfs came whistling into the room, minds worrying about their friends. Fine, they weren't dwarfs. But they scurried in formation just like them on the movie that Rosalie liked to watch with my girlfriend. And since I now had a larger audience I called from the earth more power and made sure to have the flames crackle and look like waving snakes with spitting venom, sharp fangs, and appropriate looking forked tongues. I could do Violet Gorgon better than Violet Gorgon could. Just watch me. Wench. Her, not you.

All that I needed to do was spit in that weirdly-accented Oscan and behave like an outraged artist in the middle of a hissy fit. Glancing at her from the corner of my eyes, the fireflies of power were acting like an upright mattress for my singer. She snuffled and shifted in her sleep. Which caught everyone's attention. Particularly the scrunching her nose and feeling around the ledge with her palm as if she searched for me. That was about the time they saw her palms, too shining like a watchtower.

Jugurtha asked if I would be taking that garish light display to Las Vegas with a roll of his eyes. He said we needed to appear _meaner_ not like Liberace, as the man wasn't frightened. How he could compare me with a gaudy pianist who hid his mediocrity behind jewels and sequins was beyond me. Snakes weren't jewels. So I turned the power to stealth mode grumbling about critics.

Now I had the aggrieved party standing in formation in a semicircle before me. The columns that had come in were pitch black with a few blotches of white here and there. One had no light whatsoever and seemed to have paranormal smoke coming from it. Whatever_ that_ one had done, I didn't want to know, because he was far darker than Jasper. And all of the columns swayed like the tulips Mary Alice collected in a breeze. That's about the time they commenced to zig-zag around the room. I suppose they thought that would visually divert me.

I hated talking. So I kept quiet trying to think of the best thing to say beyond, "You're stupid. Or 'Go away whoever the blazes you are and blaze elsewhere I'm trying to do some research here. Scientific research. On algae. Seriously. And they were interrupting my attempts to engage in ground breaking in immortal history scent-antic research as well. And that was unforgivably rude. I was on a date. With her. At long last. And she was snoring through it. I didn't mind the snoring so much as the lack of quality pressed against the flesh time I could have been enjoying.

That's about the time they decided to attack me from both sides, ignoring Grace who I thought had been advocating on my behalf. I recall with a wave of each hand, creating shields that shook with the impact of each blow. Truth be told, that smarted. A lot. Particularly when they pulled out the knives and started brandishing them so close to her and sending fireballs of something painful at my blockage. The one that soared in the direction of her body aiming at my shield hit the barrier and she jumped in her sleep as if shocked before rolling over. I believe I lost my temper and let it do the talking for me in the minor key of rant. It was Violet Gorgon part two time. I shut my eyes counting to ten for patience and then threw that out the metaphorical window and bellowed, "How _dare_ you throw power that close to my mortal bride after what you put her through! Vituperrious Animals!" I completely ignored that Grace was not human and spun from wolf power with that last taunt. She didn't seem to hold it against me. I called out to my minion requesting her to summon five or seventeen of her disreputable spirit friends to this the veritable biker bar of bad energy. And my howl of outrage sure lit a fire under my family's already fleet feet. It had felt like eternity but only thirty human seconds had passed since I'd uttered that warning. And for a single second, I could hear them.

The first of the grey tunic attired six dwarves, let's baptize him 'Dopey' argued with 'Sneezy' over whether or not I had a proper Oscan accent as it sounded too British to one of them. 'Doc' and 'Grumpy' wondered what weird being stood in front of them holding Liam's unconscious niece metaphorically speaking and now they were going to _definitely_ have to kill me for laying a hand on her because no one had told them she was getting married or hanging around vampires considering Liam and Genevieve had made sure she didn't know their secret. 'Happy' and "Bashful" appeared to be too stupid for cognizant thought.

I was primed to strike as the doorway above me sounded and I heard the clarion calls of my rambunctious family quarreling over whether or not the lack of a keypad was a secret trap. Emmett worried I'd been hurt. Rosalie feared for me and my human. Mary Alice was irritated over that "didn't-see-this-coming" issue of hers not to mention that my first date was being interrupted which had her mad as a wet hen on my and my girlfriend's behalf. Jasper didn't think at all. He moved radiating menace. Good old-fashioned menace. Jasper didn't bother taking the ladder. Neither, for that matter, did any of my other siblings. Using safety equipment designed by a madman apparently was for sissies. They simply hurtled feet first into the dark. Emmett landed in the center of a pond of algae with a huge splash that covered the eight spirits in honey like goo. Make that molasses in January like glue. I could hear the crackling as their auras dimmed before brightening again. And four of them dropped their blades. Although not for long.

I have to admit, Jasper really did have that standing and looking scary routine down pat. He wore this mask that suggested he could sit on your throat with a vampire blade held to your neck and yawn. That worked on the spirits. And that was without him using his power. When he and I both added in our gifts we met with strong resistance, but at least it was a respectful one. Fine, they respected him more. But I confused the hell out of them so I should get points for at least that.

I couldn't seem to control my anger. I kept remembering what it felt like to have her dead body in my arms and my rage soared with no end in sight. Feeling like a thermometer that exploded when it became too hot to register, the powers in me started to hum, the earth to shiver. Then I started to shake feeling as if I was going to seize. Jasper started to say something along the lines of "knock it off," in Vano, that dialect from the Soloman Islands when it happened. My powers simply became more than I could handle. Only this time, instead of the earth moving as Jasper clapped a massive paw of tranquility across me, they simply winked out of existence. I slumped like that pasta Mother planned to cook tonight to the ground to be caught by Rosalie as Mary Alice leapt for my girlfriend. I was only out for seven seconds. And woke up with a gentle slap or five from my lovely sister who looked anything but angelic at the moment. Unless of course you compared her to Lucifer in a snit.

My nap lasted six seconds too long for Grace. As the dripping with algae crew prepared to jump like pirates boarding a sinking ship, she did the unexpected. Angry that they had not understood her messages spoken earlier, she decided they needed to learn a lesson. With a dark green explosion, she took spiritual form hovering between the gooey dwarves and me. In 1824, one scholar labeled it c_ephalopterus vampyrus_. Someone not particularly creative had changed it's name to Manta Ray. A forty foot wide projecting cephalic fins flapping in ire Manta Ray that was a deep blue radiating surrounded by golden fire. Her whatever it was that noise was, I must confess, was far better than anything I could ever produce in terms of intimidating the enemy.

I recall hearing Emmett surface, spitting out seawater and glowing gunk repeatedly from his mouth, "Dang, that kind of tasted completely disgusting. Don't make me have to bite you to get the taste out of my mouth." Craning his neck and treading water and algae, he let out a low appreciative wolf-whistle. "Um, not you Edward's pet, I mean Miss Grace ma'am. I'd never try to bite you." He turned to the now most definitely intimidated gaggle of gogglers and said, "How do you _possibly_ stand around here guarding something that tastes worse than a mouthful of motor oil chased by skunk blood? This is more disgusting than human food." Emmett's sense of humor and better accent than mine seemed to actually make the snarling spirits stop tossing flames and bend over laughing. With our refined sense of smell, there were some odors that bothered us more than others. We had discovered through trial and error that skunk blood was the most vile type out there. And from their laughter, so too, had these immortals.

Rosalie tapped her foot dismissively; relieved her mate was alive, yet furious that he'd lost his vampire blade in the muck. She scrunched her nose delicately and declared, "I'm so not kissing you when we get home." Then she glared at our audience. Who laughed even harder.

Grace said, "Wait. No fight." I repeated her words out loud, and introduced her, "Other Immortals meet Miss Grace, Miss Grace meet Other Immortals in Spirit Form." I emphasized that last part to my family who couldn't see a thing paranormally speaking. Grace decided to help out with that and with a flap or two lit up the spirits like rockets for all to see. Then, Grace nodded her head at them. And bless their not a thought in their brained minds, they bowed back.

"_Is cold boy wonder well?"_ She repeated their thoughts. Fantastic. Now my enemies were checking on my welfare before dispatching me and my bride. And mocking me. And my family. Who knew? My head hurt too much to beam her thought to my family. Instead I said in Vano, "Grace is talking for and to the powers. She has requested we not fight."

Jasper said, "What are you leaving out? It could be important."

"They inquired as to the health of 'cold boy'."

Fascinated Jasper canted his head to one side and said aloud, "If this is your territory we apologize for trespassing. My brother's bride invited him to come down here. It was important to her that he see this."

"Leave sweet girl here." I said Grace's translation of their wishes in an incorrectly flat tone.

I didn't care if it appeared like I was having an argument with imaginary voices in my head. Because I kind of sort of was. In Oscan, I bellowed, "The Devil you say! She's mine!" I snapped hands twinging with now apparently fine operating power on the cave wall behind me. I wanted to fling a bolt or fifty. I must admit I felt positively twitchy, like my skin was on fire and covered by peckish ants at the same time. "And entirely too many ancient Oscan speaking immortals are drooling over her these days. That ceases now." I have no idea what motivated _that_ to spring from my lips. Stupidity? Primitive territoriality? At the wary look from Jasper, I leapt up to her ledge and sat on it by her side, legs hanging out barrier firmly in place. I touched her to ensure her welfare, taking her hand in my own. And let my brother assume leadership as was proper.

Then like a typical woman, she had to go and upstage everyone. A shimmer of energy started at her neck at my first touch. That dratted medallion flared and lit up the entire room. The six dwarves ducked. And the bracelet around her wrist started to play a tune. I kid you not. It was a little sharp for my taste, the melody too moody. I caressed her hair, and gathered her against me, my back to the spirits.

Everyone, burning pillars of enemy spirits included, stopped menacing each other to stare at the two of us.

Rosalie muttered under her breath that she was shocked I hadn't whipped out my…..and urinated on my girlfriend to mark her as mine. That was not only disgusting, but alas, theoretically impossible, seeing as immortals did not have that particular bodily function. Besides, her current system wouldn't hold any odor so that would be not only an appallingly crude display of the manners I hadn't been raised with, but more importantly a waste of energy. Although we had _other_ bodily functions and fluids I certainly wouldn't be showing them off for a floor show in front of my family. Again. I mean _ever_. I pushed away the mental image of Mary Alice finding me curled up on my girlfriend's floor the day of that unfortunate incident. My eyes stayed away from Mary Alice's.

"Bella is part of our family. We are very protective of her. Are you trying to protect her as well?" Jasper said.

All the Other Immortal columns nodded. We heard a hissed, "Yes" in an oily boom that filled the cavern, followed by the final judgment sounding, "Belongs."

"With. Me." I said firmly from my perch. "And _that_ was not Miss Grace," I informed my family.

"What do you here?" another spirit, 'Doc,' rumbled. I tried but couldn't see what he looked like. My head hurt too much.

"She said she wanted to show this to me because she thought it had to do with her Great Uncle's murder. I intend on taking nothing from here but a sample of the algae and study those vampire blades, if I may. I have uninvited dinner guests coming in a few days after my kith and kin. Angry ones that want her, too, and Genevieve, Jericho, and Liam." I answered in Oscan, eyes focused on my girlfriend. The spirits did not like the news I imparted. They stiffened. And rumbled. Emmett was proud of me for speaking. Rosalie, too. Jasper felt irritated I'd stolen his thunder, but liked what I'd said. And he wondered where he could get an awesome minion like Grace. She made the perfect battle accessory. Go Grace.

"They want her dead family's remains?" 'Happy' sounded shocked.

Rosalie said, "They saw a picture of them when an immortal power took possession of her body the other night in her bedroom. They said we had to produce 'them' within seven days or they would destroy our kith and kin. We thought you were with _them_."

"Why?"

Jasper smoothly asked, "Aside from the fact we haven't encountered any other immortal spirits lately?"

"Point taken."

My venom scarred brother appeared to fascinate the spirits as much as my singer did, "The soul scars on Bella and Edward match the clan mark on what we assume are your blades." The ones that Jasper and Emmett had grabbed on their way down. The ones that Jasper displayed to the formation before him casually, like showing off a baseball card. Emmett had dropped his weapon for three seconds in the sludge. I was going to kill Emmett if there was anything left of him for being so careless. 'Dopey' walked to the edge and stared at the water. The blade levitated up from the depths and came to rest at his feet.

"The mark is ours, and we never marked her. Or you."

"Did so!" Unfortunately Emmett thought that came out sounding like a child's "na-uh". Great.

"We would never hurt Liam's get. Name your coven leader." 'Doc' said.

"Carlisle Cullen. We are his children. I am his eldest." I answered. That seemed to have their undivided attention.

The female spoke. "Borrow blades. Fine. Must return swords when done. Bring results of tests on algae."

I nodded my head. Apparently I'd entered the Supernatural Weapon Library. I wondered what they did for overdue fines. She looked like she'd impose a hefty fine.

"Agreed. But the dagger than Liam wanted her to have and the short sword will not be included in that. I hope you understand. They are hers and we will not discount Liam's will."

"Noted."

"Are you sick again? Father told us he treated a lost coven once which I assume you are."

"No." That didn't answer my question. And then they changed the subject.

"When will the enemy force arrive?"

"They said we have seven days, we have five left if they hold to their timeline which I doubt they will. They had her scent and ours. I fear they might come here, too. Or the reservation," Jasper proclaimed.

"We will deliberate news. Ask sweet girl leg make promise. Leave now. We'll find you." That last part was said hurriedly and we didn't require a second invitation to depart. Considering I was walking away with the better part of the deal, an intact girlfriend and family, I didn't linger to quibble. 'Happy' made the sword tip facing away move towards Jasper, who took it by the hilt with a flourish and a bow. Rosalie snatched the other sword from him. Mary Alice scraped some algae into a Petri dish, I grabbed the sweet girl, and we all but flew up the ladder, Grace guarding my feet. As we passed through the door she became invisible. Emmett was disappointed because he found her lovely. Me, too. Lovely, deadly, and protective, a wondrous combination in an associate.

As soon as Jasper slammed shut the trap door, my siblings turned to me and shouted various versions of "What in Hades' name is going on?" followed by "Are you ok, you seem to be having performance issues." With a touch of "You resemble malodorous residue," added by Emmett.

"I'm fine. Those were spirit guards." I clutched at my head and lay on the ground, once I had properly placed my singer at my side. Pulling her against me took the edge off. And it just wouldn't do to vomit on her. I repeated that several times like a mantra.

Mary Alice said, "I noticed we couldn't smell anything aside from the sea and the rocks and minerals."

Rosalie said, "It wasn't like that with the Gorgon. I clearly smelled birch coming from her. And they seemed shocked by the marks on you and Bella."

I snorted.

Jasper said, "Father said that many clans split up into factions and joined others. We don't know that this is not the case. I did not read deception coming from them when they said they did not mark her. They were angry, upset, and confused. And since they were in spirit form, my power could read them only slightly."

"Well, a bunch of immortal spirits murdering the owners of the land and guarding a pit of algae definitely sounds like we're on the right track to that source of power secret." Mary Alice said.

"Agreed." Jasper granted.

It had been several hours since my girlfriend had eaten. I had an organic granola bar kept in my jacket pocket for human blood sugar emergencies. That would provide as good an excuse as any. I lay her on the rug and hovered over her, calling her name. My siblings vanished from view. Emmett sloshed into the bathroom. Jasper found a towel and cleared the floor of slime before nodding at me. Since all of them were sopping wet and dripping water from the rain, this was not good. Fortunately the algae didn't reek well, of anything. At worst she'd smell water. I'd have to grab her attention to get the information and make sure she didn't realize we weren't alone. That would totally ruin that whole first date business. I adopted a frantic expression as she awoke.

"Bella?"

"What happened?"

"You fainted when we were on the ladder and scared the life out of me." Well, that was partially the truth. Although I didn't have any life in me to be scared. And so I forgot to put a few words in the last part of that claim like "the spirits" before that "scared the life out of me" part. Sue me.

"Does your head hurt? Are you seeing any lights?" Please say 'no.' Listen to Nancy Regan for once.

"I feel fine." She tried to sit up and I leaned over pushing her to the ground.

"New rules. No moving without food after fainting." I held out a granola bar in Apricot and nut like food before a baited bear. Having her consume 160 calories sounded appropriate.

"Edward, can you eat flat on your back?" She quirked an eyebrow at me. Well actually little girl, I could. I could definitely eat….Never mind. I lifted her so she leaned with her back against me and toyed with a lock of her hair as she nibbled at the bar. And for the record, I was not aroused. Physically at least. Not with emo-boy standing there, I vowed as I blocked my feelings and maintained my façade of panic and inexperience.

I remembered the words of the spirits. Reaching out with my gift, I could still sense them down in the pit in a supernatural huddle, but I could not hear their thoughts.

"_Grace?"_ I asked in my mind,_ "Are those the spirits of the land? The ones Hezekiah said were cursed?"_

"Think so."

"_Have they been watching Bella?"_

I took by her silence that meant, 'yes.'

"_How long?"_

"Long."

"_Do they bear harmful intent towards her?"_ my mental voice rose in alarm. This could be a set up for a dual-pronged attack. I reached out with my power to seek for spirits lurking above us and found only Grace and rain. Lots of rain. And three spirits outside standing guard.

"No harm. Worried."

"_About her?"_

"You. Her. Sweet Girl unlearned supernaturally." I see.

And I still couldn't think of a way to get my siblings that hid behind a counter down here comfortably able to gather data that didn't require her to be unconscious again now that I'd ascertained her welfare. So that's how she ended up splayed on the floor once again after one touch sent her sinking against me. But at least I'd fed her something before I knocked her out, so that was chivalrous of me. And totally fair. This was for us. Sometimes fate didn't hate me after all. What other vampire could put his woman on 'pause'? Perhaps this whole talking business might not be so hard after all. I could just get her alone without her watch and knock her out if she discombobulated me.

"She'd sleep the entire time." Jugurtha smirked. True. So true.

We now had four vampire blades – three short swords and a dagger - we'd never known existed. And two of them much to my family's shock, had the exact same gyrfalcons shrieking on the blades that burned on my palms. Mary Alice held it up to my palm to check as they all gawped. Truth be told, they were the same, but ours were more detailed. Jasper started nattering about the balance and workmanship of the weapon spinning it expertly in his hands, totally overlooking that I was frantic here. Insensitive Pseudo Emo Bastard. "Three upstairs," I gestured in their direction.

We waited a tense two minutes until we'd decided that we weren't going to be supernaturally attacked from below.

Mary Alice said, "Edward I see you in the house so you need to head toward there. We'll see what else we can find here."

"You can't"

"What?"

"We're sealed in here." I nodded at the trap door that had hissed shut. "And knowing Liam if you typed in the wrong code. . ." I did not even need to finish that sentence. Like perhaps a three ton moss encrusted boulder chasing us through the lab like a possessed by Genevieve bowling ball. They'd seen enough to realize that Liam had passed from eccentric to stark raving nuts on the Cullenary index of psychological disorders.

Speaking of Cullens, I had them crowd into the bathroom and woke my singer up again after hiding traces of their dripping all over the floor.

"My Queen?"

"Yes, Chess Man?"

"I'm going to have to insist," I breathed on her a time or two for good measure, "that you tell me the codes so I can get you out of here and take you to the farmhouse so you can nap, and feast on granola and orange juice."

"You sure know how to spoil a lady, Edward Cullen."

I had a piece of paper and an ancient Bic pen in hand as she recited the sequence. The ink was dry and I thanked God my vision allowed me to read the scratches. And to be on the safe side, I kept her slightly drowsy. My siblings had heard the numbers and wouldn't need to have aid in leaving as long as they avoided the mud. Women, not a practical bone in their body, I thought, as I lifted up mine, and carried her over my shoulder into the murky light above-ground away from dratted dust mites and glow in the dark fungi and sentinel spirits. I moved as fast as I could to carry her from the bowels of the earth into the storm that serenaded us above testing with my power that I wasn't followed by anyone other than Mary Alice. There were three different spirits outside the barn. I hissed to Mary Alice, "We have."

She cut me off. "Three. I know. We'll be fine. They are with the others."

As I climbed the skid proof staircase to the barn, I scoffed at the crash barrier that stalked behind me. Although I had to admit, in her case it was a brilliant idea. If only they'd thought to do something practical like install an elevator while they were inventing all those ingenious traps I would have been considerably more satisfied that they had half a brain.

"Liam designed this to keep her from falling didn't he?" Mary Alice said. "Look, they have two sets of hand rails. How sweet." Indeed.

"She told me he made her climb down that ladder in that pit in the dark and practice fleeing to the Pacific without breaking her neck." I said that in a tone of voice like he'd thrown her out in the forest and abandoned her in the cold. Which he kind of sort of had. Just in a dark cave instead. With increased chances of death.

"Something must have frightened him badly to do that, Edward. I think he loved her very much."

The very idea of Liam making her scramble down that cold metal into that dank pit as a child and stumble in the dark without a light to guide her given her balance issues…. It was a good thing he, too, was dead. I wanted to kill him all over again. Without the benefit or assistance of bee venom. And even worse on his list of transgressions against my girlfriend, what normal human tried to traumatize a child with organic chemistry at ten? I'd seen the class break 18 year olds like crushed pinecones under a bored bear. She must have pretended to understand those books to make him happy. As I entered his window dressing lab and passed the irritated at being ignored ferns, I had never been so cheered to hear lightning and thunder.

I stopped to feed her arms into Mary Alice's coat that we'd put on my girlfriend this morning. With my sister's assistance, I tossed my dear little one over my shoulder like a half-pound sack of barley, and opened the golf-sized umbrella. To my distress, rain was blowing at us from all sides due to the wind, so I ran at full speed. Arriving at the house, I typed in the 50 numbers Liam had created for the alarm and found myself, muddy boots and all with the not so surprising mudroom greeting me like a bored waiter in an empty restaurant and a convenient bench to deposit my singer. I let Mary Alice go first. Then I handed my precious cargo to my sister and blasted the mud from my boots as quickly as I could while passing for human, while she drowsed. The pounding rain would hide our tracks in the mud. Liam hadn't thought of everything.

"Bella? Do you want to lie on a sofa or do you want me to take you upstairs?"

"Bed." She mumbled falling asleep. Yes ma'am. Following the footsteps from all those years ago, I walked into the room that Genevieve and Liam had been born in and found it completely changed.

"You're startled why?" Mary Alice whispered.

To my eyes, the room was cheery. "It's changed." Because it certainly hadn't been this way when Liam and Genevieve had been born. Liam didn't strike me as the blue comforter with dainty flowers type. Then again, he was stark raving mad.

"Liam gave her the master bedroom. Humans use size to show status, which means that he should have the largest room. But he gave it to her," Mary Alice observed. Which, again, meant nothing.

That had to mean something, provided he didn't live 24/7 in his bunker – pardon me I misspoke – lab - sharpening his machete collection, rubbing his hands together in glee. She had stuffed animals, teddy bears much like the one she had lost as a child that I'd found for in the attic not so long ago laying on the bed, like abandoned children. I checked them for hidden zippered compartments. In the corner sat a prim rocking chair with carved spindles, one that had belonged to her Great-Grandmother. A white afghan that I'd bet Genevieve had crocheted due to that complicated weave, draped across it. In its intricate web lay the leavings of millions of dust mites. I didn't have to ask Mary Alice to remove it from my sight.

I set her slumped form in the chair and removed the bedspread that had a layer of dust coating it and the teddy bears. There was a plastic encased heavy blanket in the closet that appeared free from allergens. I removed her boots and put her to bed and covered her with the blanket. We found cleaning products in of all things the laundry room and proceeded to dust the room from top to bottom. She slept through that vacuuming part as well. So Mary Alice decided the entire house needed cleaning at supernatural speed since she thought it was fun. I wasn't going to get in the way of her obsessive compulsive disorder.

The pillows were usable, as they were still encased in plastic, as were the mattresses. Someone had their thinking cap on when they'd designed the room for her. Mary Alice and I both agreed. When there wasn't a surface left to torment with unboiled vats of lemon oil, My sister left to join her mate in the lab now that she was assured we didn't have demons lurking in the farmhouse. Demons other than us. We still had those three demons lurking outside the farmhouse, which explained why Mary Alice had her mate's escort back to the barn from the farmhouse.

All of my siblings except for Jasper, the intellectual snob, had earned hard science degrees at one point or another. They were frolicking in the lab with blitheful abandon studying dinoflagellates to their non-beating heart's content, so texted Mary Alice. I waited for an hour before waking my girlfriend, and to make sure she didn't have any bad dreams I held her in my arms and tried to deep breathe away my headache. I wasn't the type to sleep with a girl on a first date, you know. I had standards. Some. First, there would be none of that sleeping business. I had better things in mind. I halted that train of thought when the mirror in the dark room rattled. Fine. Be that way. Second, this wasn't our first date. This was the second part of our first date so that had to mean something as well. Besides, I'd been sleeping with her for….never mind.

She woke, and after handing her three boxes of orange juice and watching her consume two more granola bars, I decided the best defense was a superior offense.

"Bella?" She had left unsaid that she came down to that hole in the ground often. And that needed to get cleared up right this instant.

"You've told me you always keep your promises."

"That I do."

"I need you to make me one."

"Ask away." She sounded groggy. Drugged. And I didn't care a fig. About the drugged part. And cuddling against me with shut eyes was not going to sway me from my course no matter how adorable she looked or smelled.

"Bella, you can not come to the lab, and most especially the cave, by yourself without company. If you fell, you could die in there and no one could reach you." It wasn't hard to make my voice earnest. I meant every word. Her being dead was entirely unacceptable. My voice even broke on the word, "die." I had visions of Poe's "The Cask of Amontillado," my singer buried alive superimposed over Hezekiah's grinning skull and withered flesh.

She hedged, "Edward, I've been coming here for years on my own."

I remembered the words the guardian spirits had sent about her leg. It seemed that they and I were in agreement. "So when you fell and broke your leg when you were fourteen, where did that happen?"

"How did you know about _that_?"

"I read your chart in the hospital while you slept. I was bored." And I was not sorry. Although I knew I probably should be. This was about her health. Us.

She adopted that mulish expression. "Seth knows the codes. He found me when I didn't come home. I always tell him before I come." Seth seemed responsible, and had to have been terrified for a 12-year-old to have to carry her up all those rungs without dropping her. And it was unlike my dear little one to be so insensitive.

My temper flared. "How long were you down here alone?"

"I don't remember," she hedged.

"That's not good enough. He was twelve, Bella. _Twelve_. You're lucky he could maneuver you, because I'm presuming he didn't call the ambulance until he'd hoisted you upstairs in the window dressing lab with all the trap doors sealed shut." She flushed guiltily. I marked it away for further study that using her brother most definitely worked in an argument.

"Do Sue and Harry and Leah know about this place?"

"No. Just me and Seth."

"What if he were busy? He's now old enough to have a social life." Like exploding into mythical beasts at random moments.

She had that stubborn look to her that I knew meant I was in for a battle. Did I mention I didn't mind fighting dirty? My face melted and I donned a haunted expression and interrupted her when she said my name. I rolled her to her back and leaned over her my face inches from her own.

"Edw---"

"Three minutes and seven seconds." I made up the number.

"What?"

"That's how long your heart was stopped when we performed CPR on you the other night." I rubbed my fingertips against her rib cage. Not the bare skin, mind you, I wasn't completely depraved, although definitely liberal with the truth. I touched the sweater and kept my fingers devoted to her sides tracing the cartilage. Not of the breast touching nonsense. Although she was due for her annual exam to monitor her for breast cancer, "I was afraid I was going to break your ribs. I will never forget that sight as long as I live. I thought you'd never start breathing again. I've been waking up at night just to make sure you're still breathing." That was totally untrue, but it sounded good so I ran with it. And talking that much made me nervous so my voice quavered sincerely. For the record there was none of that waking up business. Either I stared, I mean guarded her, all night or I slept. Either way I got quality pressed against the flesh time so I was content.

"Oh." She stared up at me with wide eyes. And said nothing, damn her. I had no earthly idea what to say next to make her feel worse. My head hurt too much for inspiration of the manipulating kind.

I had my hand to my temple, "You've just acquired a real life lab partner indeed. Promise me you'll give me leave to accompany you."

"Fine," She grumbled. We shook hands on it. I held onto hers longer than was necessary. I needed to take her pulse after all. Well, I didn't but I had to pretend to. For human blending purposes. And I exhaled a sigh of relief. She probably thought I was happy about having won my way. She was right. But I was even happier about not having to talk any further for a little while. I needed a conversational time out.

"You have another migraine, don't you?" she asked.

"It's not a bad one." And that was true. I totally didn't mind her rubbing my temples. She could do that to her heart's content. Now that was first date of my dreams material. Fine. It was low in the list compared to other material. But a vampire, particularly a desperate one, could dream.

Then a question occurred to me thanks to prodding my Mary Alice and Jasper who now waited outside in the trees with my siblings.

"How did Seth know to find you when you fell?" Her fingers stilled for a moment and I forced myself to remain relaxed. Thankfully she resumed all that tracing business.

"Liam asked me to bring him one day. Leah was away at camp."

"What did Liam say?"

"I don't know. He sent me upstairs to feed the plants with Grandmother."

"I'm guessing you fed lots of plants that day." That idea came from Jasper.

"Only thirty-two. And I repotted twelve." She changed the subject, "So how did you get me and the knife out of there?" She stared over my shoulder at the blade I'd placed on the dresser. "And when did you find time to dust?"

"I can't take the chance of your safety if I fell, not that I plan on it. I opened the trap door and tossed the knife above and then carried you." I think I reminded her, suddenly, of my imaginary epilepsy. "And you were out for an hour. I needed something to do."

"God, Edward I forgot to ask," she squeezed her fingers into my flesh. Which actually felt kind of pleasant.

"Ask what?"

Now she had both palms on the side of my head. And those hands were not going any closer to my lips, "Did all the lights in there are they a danger to you?"

"No, they don't strobe. You're fine." She heaved in relief. "But it's sweet of you to care." I rolled her against me so her fingers were safe from my fangs. For now.

"I think Liam was having you do fencing as physical therapy. The exercises all work to improve your balance. He made you do it every day, didn't he?"

"Yes, and he took me for walks in the park."

"Remind me not to make you mad when you have a knife handy."

She snorted.

"With your Grandmother being a doctor, I'm sure they constantly monitored you. I think they did the best with a bad situation." She leaned against me. And we lay in the quiet listening to the rain, the thunder, and the crackling of lightning. I didn't know when I had morphed into Carlisle. I sounded an awful lot like him.

I most definitely planned on coming back here to pay a visit. Liam and his lab and the blades below it had some explaining to do. And Father and Rosalie would be all kinds of eager to help me discover it. And perhaps we could get him and the Other Immortals to converse. Mary Alice was absolutely fascinated so said the thoughts I received at regular intervals.

I noticed that Liam had thick metal shutters over every window. I'd had to turn on the light so she wouldn't wake in darkness.

"So what makes you come here?"

"I always check to make sure it hasn't been disturbed. The security system is pretty good. No one's broken into the house or the barn so far."

"Who designed the security system?" I refrained from saying, "which mad genius," because that was a given.

"Liam and Jericho designed it together."

"But you said that people kept breaking into the land?"

"Yes, they walk all around it digging from time to time, but they can't get in the house or the barn. And they get caught really fast."

"I'd break a window."

"You'd have a hard time as Great Uncle Liam put metal shutters on the inside. You could break every last window and still not get inside the house."

"I could use a blowtorch,"

"You'd have to have a lot of time on your hands and the police would get here, the tribe as well before you could do very much. The alarm alerts several different parties. I set it that way." Smart girl.

Liam had decorated the house with pictures of her taken at every age, professional quality pictures. I didn't ask where the gun rack was. I'm sure he had one, probably a hidden room as well.

"What lovely photographs." I mused looking around the room.

"Thank you," she blushed, "Liam was kind of crazy about taking pictures." The words "Liam" and "crazy" definitely belonged in the same sentence.

"Liam took these?"

"He did. My favorites are the ones he took of the park." And she was absolutely right. He was every bit as good as Ansel Adams, perhaps better. I knew why I hid my light under a metaphorical bushel, being immortal and preferring the anonymity. Why someone of this kind of talent hid it away though, was beyond me. Further proof of that insanity part.

"Why didn't he display these at a museum? These are astonishing, Bella."

"Liam wouldn't ever have done that. He wanted me to see why he loved the outdoors so much. These were his gift to me."

"That's a magnificent legacy."

"I know. He was a brilliant man. If I could be half as smart as he was, I'd be happy." She had a wistful note in her voice.

The last time I'd walked it, the stairs had been unstained. Since 1940, the house had undergone a transformation. The entire wooden interior had been polished to perfection, wainscoting had been added, paint as well. Liam had kept an immaculate house. I stared at the queen-sized light blue comforter covered with tiny purple tulips that I'd folded and tossed on the far corner of the floor. There were photographs of the park and of the Clearwaters on the walls. One taken of Seth, Leah, and my singer in particular had them all laughing. Liam may have been stark-raving howling at the moon off his rocker, but he didn't strike me as the collecting teddy bear type.

"Is this your room?"

"Yes." I didn't want to ask why he kept a room for her here. And considering she hadn't cleared out a thing from his lab, I doubted she'd changed a thing in here as well. I had intended on sitting up by her, but something in her eyes froze me in my tracks, keeping me on the bed. She appeared frightened. It took half a second for me to realize that I wasn't the source of her fear. I let out a shaky breath, but kept meeting her glance.

"I had planned on moving in with him when I was twelve. Grandmother decorated the room for me." She waved to the paint on the walls and photographs that adorned them and shifted to sit straighter, moving away from me.

"We were so excited. Grandmother went out and bought me a wardrobe sized big enough for me to grow into." I followed her gaze to the open closet. It held five pairs of jeans coated with dust, two dresses, and seven shirts. They hadn't been touched by the tags hanging from them. Mother had explained they had to be removed or they scratched human's skin, so I could tell she'd never donned them. Somehow, I didn't think she wanted to know if the Sunday shoes at the bottom of the closet that were still in their open box with balls of paper inside the toes fit her feet after all these years. And her hatred of shopping now made complete sense.

"Did your Mother object?"

"Liam had said he would take care of talking to her about it. Living with her was. . . Liam understood me. He was the best friend I ever had. He taught me everything I know." My poor little bottle cap. She seemed mentally healthy to me, which made me worry about the deviousness of her demented relations. They'd fooled my naïve girlfriend into thinking them sane. Recalling the image of her hugging his tombstone bothered me. And Billy most definitely had an appointment with karma. She was so grieved over her family she couldn't even let go of clothes that she'd never worn. They hung like the vestiges of her dreams unused.

"How did that work if Genevieve had told you they were going to die?" I asked apologetically.

"We had made the plans at Christmas the previous year. Liam had been angry because Mother had lost all the gifts that he had sent for me. And I missed Liam and Grandfather and Grandmother and the Clearwaters. I asked if I could live with him. I didn't plan on leaving that summer. Ever."

I winced at the mental image of that child spending the summer believing she was home only to be told that she had to return to Phoenix because her family planned on being murdered. That must have scarred her for life. Even I knew better than to ask. I decided to focus on something that would make her happy. And Liam seemed to do it.

"I didn't realize you two were so close. I had thought you were closer to your Grandmother."

Her eyes lost focus and she swiveled away from me toying instead with the edge of the nightstand, trailing the carving of the wood, leaving a slight path through the thick dust. The thick dust that I had managed to miss and my sister had managed to miss. It took all my strength to avoid leaping on it and beating the dust to death. And in a remarkable feat of self control I did not lift my singer up and take her to the bathroom to wash the dust from her hands to save her from dust mites. Although Jugurtha had to slap me six times to keep me in place. He had a good right hook.

"Liam and I could sit for hours without talking. I never felt like I had to be someone else for him just to be loved." She put her hand over her mouth like she had said too much. Suddenly, I think I understood a bit more about her father Chief Swan. The words echoed her uncomfortable demeanor. I didn't want to embarrass her. So I changed the subject. That was the polite thing to do.

And Emmett had an informational request, "So you think the algae your Uncle made might have been why Billy killed your family? How would he have known?"

"I can't think of any other reason why he would want to kill them that has anything to do with power. And the algae qualifies as powerless. Aside from that, nothing else makes sense. Seth didn't know about the algae until after they were dead, and I've never told him what it does. He couldn't have told what he didn't know."

Well I could. And it made perfect sense. But she didn't need to know and Billy would soon not be bothering her, I hid a smile.

Seth showed promise. I had particularly liked the part about him trying to eat Sam. Leah had texted her happy news to my girlfriend this morning with hysterical bursts of stupidity. I didn't have to be the messenger of doom again. Thank goodness. The lovebirds managed to burn up the cellular waves with texting and email every second Sam wasn't being beaten into a pulp by his pack mates. Apparently, Leah had attempted to defend their fornication once her Mother had ascertained how far along her daughter was. Mrs. Uley was most definitely not pleased to be a grandmother at her age and had roared her ire at her caviling child when she'd come to visit the guest cottage. The rest of the pack had been entertained. As had I.

"Harry and Sue know. Billy won't be bothering you ever. Of that I can assure you."

"Bella, tell me again, just to make sure I understand, how do you think the results of his work related to his death?" It took three minutes for her to answer. She spoke it so quietly a human would have had a hard time hearing. I leaned forward and crouched at her feet, pretending to need the closer distance to hear.

"He was working on a new form of energy that fed off of itself. He found a type of algae growing in a few locations across the globe and managed to breed a new strain. The algae produced byproducts that fueled more. It gave off light and energy." Why did she say that like she'd just admitted belonging to a Satanic cult and sacrificing virginal chipmunks by moonlight?

"Where did he find the algae?"

"Some tiny little town called Lake Arthur in Louisiana, and the Mekong Delta.

Frankly, it sounded like she'd been related to the mad scientist. I'd never heard of such nonsense. And who cared about algae energy? It's not like it would power my car. The only type that glowed in the dark, or was bioluminescent as the appropriate terminology warranted, came from deep in the ocean, not Louisiana. Although there was a type that grew in freshwater. But that was in dark slimy patches of underwater caves. Maybe Louisiana. Drat. Now I really wondered about that phone number he'd called as he'd died. That phone that lived in Lake Arthur.

"Edward, I know he was very secretive about his research. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about the work he did."

"But didn't he publish?"

"Yes, work about ferns."

"So he faked the studies?" I sounded confused although I felt scandalized. The nerve of that man. Lying in the name of science.

"No, he really did all those. I helped him with a few."

"So why keep his real work secret?" Didn't that mean he was doing two entirely different lines of research? That had to be confusing. No wonder Liam was nuts. Even his scholarly mind couldn't stay on track. Brilliant chess player, my foot.

"He told me that it would be dangerous, that people would kill for what he was making. I wondered if Billy somehow figured that out. I never told." She sounded so lost on that last line. I wondered if this was a dream tale spun to boast in front of an impressionable child, but then again, she did have spirits lurking in a cave below the barn and a necklace that glowed the color of one of the algae's I'd seen. Currently beaming around her neck, I could feel heat off of the pearls. And that wasn't heat that came from her.

In the lamplight, she looked weary. I think all the excitement had finally caught up with her. I leaned over and turned out the light. "You look tired. Let's go home, shall we?"

I didn't know what to say. Because she could be right for all I knew. I had only seen in my dream that Billy wanted the land. And guessed about wanting her ovaries thanks to Paula. And that part, I didn't think she needed to know. She was scared enough; I could see from her face and smell from her blood. I didn't even want to think what would happen if I said, "Pfft, that's nothing to fret over. Let me really give you something to really worry about, silly little girl. A gaggle of vampires, you know, the ones that haunt you in your sleep, are coming to chew us out, nibble at our nerves, and dismember us all and _then_ set us on fire - thanks to your meddling imbecile of a Grandmother. Here, have a flower, and stop worrying. Contemplate world peace." Besides, it's not like I'd ever let that idiot Billy Black within spitting distance of her ovaries. Instead, I awkwardly sat down by her in the dark, waiting for her to decide what she wanted to do. I didn't touch her. I simply sat.

I wondered what her life would have been like had she moved here and her family had lived. Somehow it seemed like she would have flourished. That was another reason why Billy had to suffer. Although that would have to come later. Plans were being made. And I had my hands full at present. Not full in the way I wanted them full. But still. I held out my hand and she took it. I used it to pull her to her feet. "Have you seen everything you wanted?"

What a loaded question. It made her sad as she met my eyes and said, "I think so. We can go now."

"I have to hand it to you, my Queen; you definitely know how to surprise a man."

She smiled at me and said, "You have no idea how that pleases me."

We drove home in silence.

I didn't even ponder driving her to her domicile and she never suggested otherwise as I returned back to the sanctuary of my house, discreetly shutting off my phone. Wait. That was _our_ house. Soon. I had taken a long route home permitting my siblings to arrive and put on dry clothing at vampire speed. The storm hadn't abated. So driving back took time.

Father met us at the door. His thoughts told me he'd been studying the venom and saliva samples, and that my siblings had informed him of our trip's success. He all but danced from foot to foot as much as a man turned in the 1600's who still carried all that British gravitas would, he was so eager to share his news with me. "Edward your venom has changed," he said in Saami at vampire pitch. Then he froze imperceptibly when he saw what was hanging from my belt. Apparently he'd been so absorbed in his lab and my brothers and sisters so excited with their discovery that neither side had conferred. Oops. Mother took the opportunity to engage my girlfriend in a conversation about our day and cluck over her, taking her inside to see that she ate properly. Showing how amazing she was, she'd created enough fake dirty dishes in the sink to make it appear my family had already eaten and only the two of us had yet to dine. How fantastic was that?

"There are two more that the others have and they're stamped with gyrfalcons on the blades. We encountered a group of immortals who projected their spirits but left their forms elsewhere."

Father looked at my girlfriend with alarm.

"She slept through it all and they never laid a spiritual finger on her. Unlike the Violet Gorgon, they didn't try to seize anyone's soul, and acted more like ghosts."

"What were they doing there if they weren't after you?"

"Guarding a pit of algae in a cave below the barn." They apparently know your name and they allowed us to borrow the blades when I mentioned our problem. One of them was a blond female."

"Tell me more."

"I thought the Violet Gorgon was the only example we found of immortals that could leave their bodies. This afternoon we found a whole roomful of them and they are all from the same unscented clan that I suppose hails from Vancouver." I asked.

"Did they have any relationship with Bella?"

"A protective one. They tried to convince me to leave her there with them."

"I'm sure that demand was not received well." He had a hint of a smile.

"Once we made it clear she was family, they asked me to talk to her about her leg."

I recounted the tale of her broken leg and Seth's rescue, and my convincing her to acquire a new lab partner.

"Excellent work, Edward. I'm very proud of you." Father beamed.

Aloud we had a mundane conversation about the weather as the storm picked up it's pace. Mother reminded us at vampire pitch that normal humans would not stand out there under the porch as rain lashed at us. She was right, as usual.

I whispered back at him at vampire pitch, "What do you mean? It looks the same to me," I blinked at him. "I can smell my human blood in it, and a bit of the shaman power, but that's all."

"It's green in testing as time passes, although it takes over an hour for the effect to occur. The same green the air turns around the wolves when they phase. The same green that your power shows when you use them. And it's quite dark. It's darker than any of the venom from the Volturi." Take that Miss I'm so scary coming for your kith and kin Gorgon. It would have been rude to preen. But I did it anyway. Inside. Like I always did. Keeping a blank face to the world.

"What do we know about _her _saliva?"

Father sighed smiling at Bella as he saw Esme eating lamb stew with her and chatting with her about her asthma medication. She had been drained by our trip and leaned back against her chair, _"Nothing. It looks perfectly normal. Except it has no scent. Whatsoever. And I can't add scent to it,"_ he thought to me. I couldn't even begin to imagine the world without her scent. Or her.

Jugurtha said, "It really doesn't matter why. We can figure that out later. All we know is that she does not smell to them. And only Alice can get a faint whiff of her. I wonder if that has to do with Mary Alice's visions? What we need to find out is if we lose _our_ scent in proximity to her."

"No one has said so thus far."

"Yes, but it could take time for it to manifest, like her marks did."

I scowled at the idea. I didn't need to hide behind her skirts, the unscented ones. I had power enough to protect us all. That and a vampire Father who apparently could lull people into oblivion. But in the name of "scent"-antic science, I would screw my . . . will to the sticking point and force myself to spend more quality pressed against the flesh time with my droopy-eyed singer.

Hating to be parted from it, I handed Father the slides I'd swiped and the sample I'd gathered that resided in my coat pocket. He acted like he took my coat from me all the time as he walked back to his study, whistling. I joined Mother and my girlfriend at the table for a brimming bowl of sour-smelling stew. I didn't mind sheep's blood every now and then. But this eating little lamb business was highly over-rated. Mountain Lion was far superior.

My little algae lover did not need any encouragement from me to go to our bed change into her pajamas, and sleep. And none of us were eager to take her to the questionable safety of her Father's house. Paula agreed to keep him occupied for the foreseeable future, leaving us to guard the wailing pack at night. Training them kept Jasper amused. He was the only one of us that could tolerate their scent without wanting to spew blood. He managed to wear them out so that all of them crawled whimpering in supernatural muscular agony into their cottages and fell soundly asleep. A little help from me ensured they wouldn't awaken and disturb us with their howling contests. Unfortunately, I could identify with that whole muscle twinging business.

Then Rosalie let out a piercing shriek, "Emmett, honey, look at me. How many fingers am I holding?"

"One, Rose, why are you so scared?"

Using Grace's gift I examined my brother as the rest of the family ran into their bedroom. He blinked at us in befuddlement. With light green eyes.

After Emmett had been thoroughly examined by his wife and our Father and pronounced fit and healthy, Jasper turned to Father and said, "I'm guessing we just met the Vancouver coven. And their food source."

"Father it's horrible tasting. Vile." Emmett stressed. Then he had to go and really scare us by losing his scent.

We gathered in my room, Rosalie sniffing her husband like a bad habit every few seconds. My girlfriend slept undisturbed and we conversed at vampire pitch in the dialect from Africa we'd been using, Kung-Ekoka. Jasper sat on the sofa facing me, as I reclined on the floor, her arm in its usual place hanging down my chest from the bed. The rest of the family filed in. His wife sat beside him. Rosalie and Emmett leaned against the window wall, shoulders touching. Mother and Father sat on the edge of the bed nearest me.

Father said, "What did we learn from the lab? Did he leave records?"

Jasper answered, "He had a computer in there, an old model, and it's encrypted. I haven't broken the code yet. I'll go back later tonight and try." By his voice, Jasper now was officially irritated. He'd taken hunting Liam as a personal challenge.

"I went into the records for the water, sewer, and electric companies and found that Bella has been paying for all the bills with money from an off shore account. She set the arrangement up by the internet so that it automatically bills and deducts every month. That's why we didn't find any evidence on her computer. She must have done this years ago."

"Where was the bank?" Mary Alice the family financial expert asked.

"Bank of N. T. Butterfield & Son Limited," he answered.

"That's a good one. I have used them in the past. They're also exclusive about who they take from out of the country. It took me three decades to get an account. How much is in the account?"

"Which one? She has three."

"All of them." Mary Alice asked.

She had over 10 million dollars spread out in three bank accounts. Humans were absolutely bewildering. She had ten million dollars and she drove a rusting jalopy and had no clothing. "Why wouldn't she spend money on herself?" Emmett asked.

"Because she doesn't see it as her money. She sees it as their money. And she sees it as money that should only be used on household matters. She doesn't think she counts." I said. Then I shifted when all of them stared at me.

Jasper most definitely planned on looking into Liam's finances further. Just as soon as he returned from picking up his friends.

Rosalie said, "I've not had time to run any more tests. But from what I can tell, the algae is unique. And it does produce heat. And green eyes."

"So why would a bunch of immortals stand around guarding it? Why not just grow it?"

"That's a good question." Jasper pondered.

Emmett and Rose were going to add the goo to their ever growing list of things to study. As was I. While she slept I could bring the lab equipment into my room for a little while. She'd never know. Algae needed company, too.

Mother raised the subject I hadn't wanted to mention. Mary Alice had told the rest of the family of her dream and fear of sleeping. "Jasper, do you think Bella dreamt of your house?"

"Yes. I don't believe in coincidences. Maybe Rosalie can work with her to sketch the woman who is on fire. That's the only way we'll know."

"Jasper, could you draw a picture of your sister Susan like you remembered her?" Rosalie asked. "I won't look at what you sketch until I've talked to Bella," she promised.

"I have colored pencils in the top desk drawer and an artist's pad in the drawer below," I told him as he collected the supplies.

Jasper sketched as he said, "I believe if Genevieve thought I failed to understand her message she would persist through any means at her disposal."

I quite agreed, which is why I had ensured it wouldn't happen. No more spiritual sock puppet for my singer. "With my new gift, I've blocked Genevieve from contacting her. So she couldn't be sparking these dreams."

Mary Alice said, "I don't think she's having a dream. I think she's having visions. That's why she's so exhausted. Hers work differently than mine. I don't have any memory of having them when I was human; so I don't know how difficult it would be on her body. I think she's having them while asleep and then her body is taking whatever time it has left over to recover. I don't think she's obtaining restful slumber unless you're near her." This greatly disturbed both Grace and I as we both had been monitoring her vital signs and she had certainly sounded asleep. Since Alice didn't need to breathe, and did not have a heartbeat, Grace suggested we had snookered ourselves into thinking our dear little one was well. What baffled me was that if she experienced a nightmare I knew by the change in her vital signs – a vision? Nothing. Odd. Very odd.

And if I were blocking Genevieve and any other spirit from reaching her, then how was she having visions? I thought I had covered all my bases.

From staring at my face, my sister ascertained the direction of my thoughts and said, "Her visions might feel like they last hours, but could only really last seconds. You know how that works very well, Edward." I remembered the mental pit of perdition that had been Jasper's first vision. It had felt like it lasted hours.

Father added, "That could explain the vital signs not raging out of control while she sleeps. You can't prevent them from happening. This is a natural talent she already possesses Edward." Jasper and Alice had natural talents I could prevent. But only in regards to me. Curses.

Mary Alice continued, "I don't think that my visions are sent to me by anyone. Why should hers be?"

Mother pointed out, "She's so quiet like you, Edward. We really don't know if this is an emergent talent or if she's just now confessing she's had it all along." Jasper finished his sketch and put it on the desk. Rosalie went to her room and returned with the portrait she'd drawn of Violet Gorgon. Jasper's portrait was decent, Rosalie's piece leapt off the page. She'd captured the image much like I remembered, with one difference. Violet Gorgon wasn't snarling. She appeared frightened and angry with a touch of hauteur. She passed it around the room and the last to have it was Carlisle. "She's lovely, but I've never seen her." Emmett took the drawing from his hand and placed it on the desk by Jasper's sister. Jasper had sketched a woman with hair lighter than his own, almost silver-gilt. She had eyes that matched the unique blue of his human ones, and dimples. Considering they hadn't had access to dentists in those days, her teeth were crooked. She had a slight tan and chapped lips. His mate stared at the drawing and said, "You could have been twins."

"I know. She was tall like me and teased by everyone for it. Aaron never cared that she was taller than he was." Sensing his discomfort, his wife changed the subject.

Mary Alice told the family of her "might possibly be married to another immortal," vision. Thankfully, Peter and Charlotte had texted while I'd been occupied with my date. Based on an exhaustive by immortal standards search, they'd concluded that she had never been wed. They had searched every archive they could get their hands on in the area, even finding ones that Jasper didn't know existed. They also located a record of the death of her parents and her younger brother. Mary Alice's death notice indicated she was single at the time of her turning. Her parents died the night that Mary Alice did apparently in the fire at the asylum, her brother two days before. The records weren't specific as to Jeremy's cause of death.

She said, "I did not expect them to be alive after all these years, but I feel like even though my hand didn't do it, I killed them all." Her mate took her hand and squeezed. Unfortunately, he could identify. I heard her think,_ "And if my family dies now because I can't see anything it'll be just like old times."_ I snorted in her direction. She offered me a ghost of a smile and a, "Thanks."

"Alice, I'm sorry but you can't bear that burden. That minister killed your family and he threw aside all those religious principles he preached to do it. You did not force him." He didn't have to add the part about "take it from me I've killed scores of people, I'm your nearest expert."

"I know. Thank you. Well, at least I know thanks to Peter and Charlotte where they died. Hopefully I can find their graves." Peter and Charlotte were very thorough, and they were on their way. Jasper planned to fetch them from the Forks airport. Peter has his own plane and Charlotte was an expert pilot. Mary Alice's sister's name was Cynthia, and of her they could find no trace beyond a record of her baptism at the local church.

She showed me her vision of the smooth talking liar that claimed to be her spouse. I'd already seen it but pretended as if it were new. "His voice does not sound overjoyed to me because of affection. It sounds practiced, rehearsed."

"You think? I've been sitting here too scared to pay attention to it."

I had hidden Hezekiah's stick under my bed. I reached for it and used it like I was taught to send her vision to the awake inhabitants in the room. I felt the connection in my mind as the energy surged from me as Alice mentally re-lived her vision. I conveyed everything but the first part, but seriously, she could simply tell them she was running. The voice at the end seemed more important. My head still hurt doing it, but not as much as last time. And I needed to shave again. And my muscles hurt even more all of a sudden.

Mother said, "Alice, I was still legally married to my first husband when Carlisle and I found each other. I would have never returned to him for any reason. And I know that your love for Jasper is true. What are you so afraid of?"

"The red-eyed people want me and Bella, and to get us both they'll have to take Jasper, too. Maybe Edward. I can't see anything beyond that vision. But I haven't seen us dying, either."

"Well, that's positive, at least. It helps if we can figure out what they are after so we can defend it." Emmett said. "What else do we have?"

I showed them the bracelet on her wrist and the pearls that hid under her collar. Apparently only I and the Other immortals had heard the music. Father took the pearl necklace off of her to test the green glowing part with an exclamation of, "My word." We had no idea what to do about the bracelet that produced music and we left it on her for now.

Emmett joked, "So Edward was alone with Bella for an awful long time. We want details." I ignored the impudent bastard.

Rosalie said, "I've been researching the gold necklace we found inside Liam's casket with Mother's help. The design is unusual. From what we can tell it dates back to the Etruscan era. The bracelet they brought back from the bank is from the same time period although it belongs to a woman." Considering the voice spoke Oscan that was no big surprise. The Oscan language used the Etruscan alphabet to write. Maybe the voice was after the gold necklace? Or the bracelet? Or both? I hadn't really paid attention to either. I had visions of Violet Gorgon in a snit sending minions to scour the world to find her misplaced jewelry. Except she had said, "What have you done with her?" not "What have you done with my gaudy jewelry?"

Rosalie cleared her throat, capturing my attention, "I can tell you the gold necklace belongs to a warrior by the fighters that are shown on each disc." She held it out in her hands. I put my senses out towards it, and felt nothing other than it was a necklace like any other necklace. Then again, the necklace on my singer had felt that way before it awoke. "What would her family be doing with a piece that old? They didn't seem that wealthy." Rosalie asked the obvious, admiring the workmanship of the metal on the bracelet.

Jasper said, "The medallion she wears around her neck is equally as old. And I've been researching the one that Alice had. We know that the medallions were in different colors and slightly different in shape although both were round. We also know that their styles were hard to classify as belonging to any particular era. Have you taken a good look at Bella's?"

Reaching out gingerly as if I lifted a landmine I picked up the medallion again and felt its power surge through me and hoped it wouldn't wake my human. I had certainly stared at the face of the necklace long enough. It felt quite light considering the metal and jewels and all should have added weight. Jasper watched my singer like a cobra while I held her arm ensuring no "accidental swiping my brother and sparking another vision in her sleep" occurred. He tentatively reached out and touched the metal.

"I can feel that this is something of power. I don't know how, but it radiates it. And you glow when you touch it."

"Haven't I been glowing all along?"

"For the past few hours, yes, but it surges, and the aura around you turns white."

I had no answers for him.

They filed out of the room as my heart started. I changed into my pajamas. I didn't have to pretend to need her at my side. I acted calm while inside knew I had to come up with something to save everyone in a few days. I decided I'd sleep on it. Hezekiah would help me, I hoped, as I surrendered to the pull of the wolf power.

Hezekiah had us back in his grove, a serious expression on his face. We didn't begin with our usual joking. There wasn't anything funny about that dying in a few days business. "I'm proud of you Edward for doing the ceremony and creating the wolves. You did good, son."

"The power didn't work for Paula."

"I know. I don't know why. Give her time and be patient. I imagine she's worried enough."

"It failed on me, too, for a little while today." I felt mortified, "She could have been hurt."

"You lost control of your temper son. And your power is so new it basically short circuited. We'll have to work on that temper of yours. And your little missy is just fine."

"Did you know about the spirits?"

"Well, I knew they were there. I've never seen or met them."

"How long do you think they've been guarding the land?"

"It's been rumored to be cursed for generations, Edward. They could have been there hundreds of years."

"Why kill the humans that lived there?"

"Good question. The only thing I can figure is that they couldn't seal the cave and feared discovery. So they kept up killing folks to scare people off the land."

"Did you ever watch Liam?"

"Only a time or two. I didn't know about that lab business. I only saw him playing chess outdoors in the park."

"They weren't physically in that cave, and yet there were there. And no one had taken

possession of Bella's body."

"Which means they are spirit walking and incredibly powerful at it. I think the ones that have been chasing after Bella in her dreams have done the same thing."

That was every bit as frightening as them scouring the earth for her. The idea that they'd been sending out their spirits scrying for her…..I changed the subject. "Can you explain to me about how the pack communicates? Seth doesn't sound in my mind like he's able to talk to them. Or Paula. Although I can hear them both."

"I noticed. The only thing I can guess is that it's a flaw in the gene. When they are all in wolf form they can link minds. There's also the uncomfortable issue that anything that is really emotional that a wolf has on the mind the others can read."

"So does that mean they can read every thought the wolf has the second they phase? That would be awkward." Not to mention I want to make sure they can't read every thought of mine that I've ever had. I'd have to kill them all. And that, too, would be awkward.

"Oh no, nothing like that. And putting aside the fact they can't read Paula's mind anyway, they can't read the shaman's mind unless the shaman wants them to. And they definitely can't read your mind unless you send them your thoughts on purpose. Let's say that Sam had just found out that Leah was pregnant and was excited about it before he phased. They'd know that if they all phased. They wouldn't know what that jerk did to that poor girl to put her in that condition unless he was thinking about it at the time. It is hard enough having the burden of being a wolf without walking around with everyone's secret hopes and dreams in their minds. The pack would end up killing each other over it." Good think I didn't need to breathe. I didn't need to let out that mental sigh of relief.

"Great. What happens if she can't communicate with the pack?"

"They might not agree to follow her. Although somehow with what we've got going on I can't see them rebelling immediately. And the way you did the ceremony with having them off alone and having Paula talk to them before hand was inspired."

Why they hadn't thought of that was beyond me. I held my tongue.

"The committee would like to congratulate you, Jenny especially, on your sojourn with Bella." I smiled. "Now you have to actually try to court her, son."

"I just did."

"You started the process. You did good. But she needs more courting. Jenny says you should talk to her more about her family. No one else seems to. And Jenny thought it was a big deal that she told you her Great Uncle's secret."

"What do you think about all that algae business?"

"I think her Great Uncle was a mighty smart man, and if he said he'd succeeded, then he had. The question is why he hadn't put word out to anyone." Hezekiah scratched at his chin.

"Indeed. It suggests one of two things."

"What would that be, Mr. Smarty Pants?" His eyes twinkled at me.

"Either he didn't because he couldn't prove the worth of his work and feared the mocking of his peers. Or, he had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams and feared the consequences of releasing the knowledge. The only thing that would have kept him quiet was fear over his family. He didn't strike me as the sentimental type. Or the type who was after money."

"President Roosevelt thinks you are on to something. Sitting Bull says that you should put all that useless white man book knowledge to use on Liam's scribblings and learn his secrets."

"We don't have much time for me to do research."

"If you can find out what the power source is Edward it would be an awful big help in dealing with whoever plans on attacking."

"I know."

"There's a skill we need to work on tonight."

"What would that be?"

"Hiding the lights that come from your power use from other immortals. You need to work on that more. I'm going to show you how. If they can't see you reaching for the power, you have the option of surprise if they aren't sensitive to feeling it. Not every vampire has a sense of how powerful someone is, unlike the wolves. This way, they won't see you coming."

"Won't they see my hands?"

"Not unless you want them to. I think if you do it right, you can hide those marks from immortals. But only for yourself."

His words reminded me of Carlisle. I had trouble focusing on our lesson. But I managed to hide the green fire on the fifth try."

"It will take a while to learn how to do it consistently. If you get irrational, the ability to mask it goes out the window, just so you know."

"I see." I stared off into the distance and heard him sigh. Ordinarily at realizing this level of inattention he would have smacked me across the forehead by now. Instead he simply called my name, "Edward."

"Yes, Hezekiah?"

"We need to talk about Carlisle."

"Yes?"

"You need to give him a break."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"He never used his gift on you."

"How would you know?"

"I just do. You need to know that as well. Even Quanah Parker agrees, and he hates just about everyone." I didn't even get a chance to ask him my next question before I was yanked from his side.

I felt like I floated on the ceiling watching the scene unfold before me. I sat inside the parlor of my human house in Chicago. My parents were by the window conversing. I saw Carlisle introducing himself to Grandmother Grace. She wore black, with lace at her collar. Her hair was thick and silver-white in an elaborate pile on her head that I could not figure out how she had done, or had the time to fashion, regardless. She took one look at Carlisle and said softly in an older form of Gaelic, "I know what you are, and that you are blood. What is it that you want with the likes of us?"

He appeared shocked before he smoothed his features and stammered, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to intrude. And I would never hurt you. I don't harm humans and live off of animals instead. That makes me a pariah with my kind. I cannot live among beings that kill mortals. And I cannot tell mortals what I am for fear of them being harmed by my kind. I am lonesome. I missed my kin. I'm hoping you'll accept me." I'd never seen Father appear so distressed. And he certainly did seem desolate. Desperately so. I recognized the look. I knew how he felt. It was like looking in a mirror of my spirit.

His face transformed when he Grandmother Grace said, "Look at me, son." She reached out and took his cold hand in her frail one and gave it a firm squeeze. "You are and always shall be welcome."

Father appeared ready to weep for a moment before mastering himself with a choked, "Thank you."

Grandmother nodded. "Families need to stick together. Of course." Then she leaned over and took him to her breast embracing him like a child. "Welcome home, dear child." I couldn't see her face. But I could see his. And I'd never forget the sight.

The vision skipped to them having tea over a period of time where he explained family history and she took copious notes in a leather bound book. When her arthritis bothered her, Carlisle took over and wrote at vampire speed for her after making her take her medication. She teased him when she saw he'd forged her handwriting. Something about the spine of that book seemed familiar. I let it go for now. The dream shifted and moved forward in time to the hospital where we'd died.

Carlisle sat in a crowded room filled with terrorized victims, desperately ill. The smell alone was enough to turn my stomach. I don't know how he held onto his gorge. My Mother's bed was beside mine, and she clutched onto my hand. Fever Me noticed it not, tossing from side to side, muttering incoherently. I could not tear my eyes from her ravaged face. She looked like her world had ended right before her. Actually, it had. But it tore at me to see her so devastated. She should not have had to die like that, I raged at the universe. No one should. No one innocent. Father told me later that 8,500 people died in Chicago from that outbreak, 675,000 nationwide – which surpassed the number of soldiers who died in all the wars recorded in the 20th century combined.

Starched Shirt Edward walked up to my side and patted my shoulder. "Twenty-five million humans died, too. If Fate hated us, it also hated 24,000,999 other souls." I snorted. My Mother shifted uneasily on her cot. She was but thirty-eight years old.

And this pandemic, unlike others, didn't aim for the young and the elderly. It struck a knockout punch between 20-40 year olds: yet again another way my misfortune occurred. Apparently, I couldn't even die at the right age from the proper disease. I had to be special. I had to be an outlier. I must have seriously angered someone in a past life, or lived countless nights of debauchery. Because surely if I'd been that wicked as a 17-year old Carlisle would have told me? Right? Somehow I couldn't see him saying, "Edward, before you died you seduced young women of gentle breeding with regularity, spat in the street in public, stole horses, drank spirits, frequented low-class bordellos, and fathered nine sickly children you refused to support or acknowledge as your own. Oh, and on that thought, we're related. Nice to meet you."

"Cousin Elizabeth, I'll do my best to care for Edward. I'm afraid he won't last much longer." Carlisle's voice sounded formal yet soothing. He hadn't lied to her about her chances. You could see from her face she realized death was coming, and she did not intend to go gently into that good night.

"I know." Mother whispered through a wet wheeze and cough, having recently vomited. Carlisle cleaned her mouth and had her drink water. I could see from the expression on her eyes that she was not talking about her death. So, too, from his stiffening shoulders did Carlisle. He tried to divert her attention, "You should drink more, Elizabeth." She said nothing.

"You do?" He answered quietly.

"I've known for," she never finished that sentence, closing her eyes as her stomach started cramping, hands clutching her abdomen.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He sounded cautious.

I wondered why he wasted her last moments. But couldn't interrupt them to play conversational police.

"I feared you'd leave. Mother accepted you. You are family, no matter what. You are blood." I knew she couldn't last much longer by her symptoms. Her fever was so high I marveled that she'd even been lucid. And no one in the immediate vicinity cared enough or was in a state to hear. They had all been either dead or dying.

"Make Edward your own."

"With the severity of his case, he's not going to survive, Elizabeth, long enough for me to adopt him; he might not last half an hour. Would that I could. He's a fine young man," he said simply.

"Your own kind," her voice quavered as she whispered.

"Madam, do you even comprehend what you are asking?" Even Carlisle sounded shocked.

"That I do."

"I do not even know . . . the process is excruciating. Elizabeth, he would be in considerably more pain than he is now. He's so shy. He'd probably be the quietest vampire ever. And he would struggle every day with craving things he should not. And if he had the choice, I believe Edward would elect to be with you."

Mother argued, "You have managed to master yourself. You can teach him. He is such a strong man. Please, I beg of you; he is the last of your blood. Save it."

"Why? Why not let him die? You'd be together for eternity."

"He's meant to do good works in this world. I've seen him in my visions living with your family, so this must be the only way."

"Elizabeth, aside from the two of you, I have no family."

"You will. I see him in it. Please? In my Mother's name?"

Carlisle's voice turned firm, "Look at him now. You see his suffering, do you not? Imagine that a hundred times over for three entire days. And I can not undo it once it starts or relieve his pain." Mother refused to break eye contact with him. Instead with her free hand she blindly reached out and placed her fumbling palm against my cheek, cupping it. I saw my face glimmer a smile briefly like a contented child before dissolving into pain as Mortal Fever Me moaned. The sound made Mother clench her teeth as chills rattled through us both.

"It is not his time yet. Because of him, you will find your wife, and your children." Teeth chattering, with a jittering hand she clutched at his sleeve and groveled without words. He took her hand and removed it from his arm, cupping it in his palms. The few memories I'd experienced of her in my dreams had shown me a dignified and graceful woman. Comparing the memories, Mother now appeared broken, with desperation greedily seizing ground in her haggard mind like troops at an ambush with the advantage. Seeing the tears coursing down her enervated face, Carlisle hung his head, his features inscrutable and simply continued to let her clutch his hand.

"You would die alone. I'd have to take him now."

"So be it." She tried to caress me and was too weak to lift her arm, having expended what little strength she had. Carlisle lifted her hand and brought it again to my cheek. I can not even describe the expressions that traversed her face. That's about the time Fever Me started seizing. It lasted but seconds.

Carlisle never said, "Yes." And in the chaos of the room, he could not stay by any one patient longer than a few minutes without calling attention from the harried staff and volunteers. Finally he squeezed her palm and kissed her brow, and said, "God be with you," as I heard Fever Me mutter, "Do not fret Mother, all will be well. I feel better." Without a word, he rose and walked to my body with his façade of equanimity crashing. The vision ended with the anguished air in his visage that flashed only long enough for an immortal to observe. Equal parts hope and misery and guilt flickered to life as he lifted me from the cot and carried me away from my life as if he merely moved a dead body. "Cot 73 is open," he said to a doctor as he passed. An old man carried an almost dead child in its direction. Over the wails and screams and gasps in the fetid room, Carlisle earned not a second glance. He never looked behind him.

Carlisle took Fever Me into a room where his own cot contained a covered corpse of a woman similar in height to my Mother. He laid me on a nearby stretcher. Fever Me awoke and vomited blood.

"Dr. Cullen?" My eyes were bright with my temperature. I blinked in confusion at the covered body on the cot near my left side. He mopped at my lips without a qualm. "Why is there a sheet over my Mother's face? Won't that be difficult for her to breathe?" Fever Me moved to remove it.

"Edward, I'm sorry," He grabbed my hand.

"Mother?" My century old eyes saw the grief blossom like a corpse flower in the room.

He did not answer.

"Father?"

"Gone to his eternal rest seven hours past, my child. I'm so sorry." Fever Me took a heaving sob, and turned my face away throwing myself into the blessed arms of delirium. Thinking this would all be a bad dream when I woke.

Carlisle looked up at the doorway as an exhausted nurse said to him, "We've just lost eight more," She offered us both a sad glance and left, muttering about how sad it was to see him lose his family.

"Make that nine," He said as he took a clean sheet from a pile and covered my body with it and carried me from the building. Immortal Me could still hear my human mother's heartbeat as it ebbed and flowed with the disease's tide as I observed Carlisle carrying me away. I realized at that moment that I'd been mistaken earlier when thinking about that time. In actuality, I never witnessed her death. I never said goodbye to my human Mother. Even in my dreams. I didn't watch him take the first bite. I didn't want to see how painful it must have been for him to break my flesh so quickly he could not taste blood. Or how he had to literally drool venom across me.

As I had aged past my post-lapsidarian in more ways than one epoch, my memories of the feelings I'd encountered at the time of my death had faded, although the sensation of pain had remained in place. Intellectually I had known that I had "loved" my parents. But I did not know what that meant because I could not associate a distinct feeling with love. I'd certainly felt horror when I'd realized its absence, knowing that the fiend had truly stolen away something I imagined had been immeasurable.

When the very touch of her had sparked more visions of my family, this nagging sensation at the back of my mind had grown. From the visions, I had come to appreciate that they had felt pride in me, that they had cared for me. I had felt pleased at seeing them, overjoyed at now at long last, having a memory to treasure that my vampire nature couldn't rip from me. The overriding emotion that I could identify experiencing, however, hadn't been what I thought love would feel like: guilt, happiness, grief, loneliness, mixed with joy. Shakespeare had never written about anything like that. And I had felt bereft in the privacy of my mind later when reliving them; like I appreciated I had been robbed without taking an inventory of what the light-fingered Lady Fate actually had purloined.

My shoulder was being shaken and I blindly grabbed whatever poked at me and yanked it forward, irritated and disoriented and territorial and somehow irrationally pleased having been metaphorically torn yet again from my human mother's side by Fate's witchery. I did not have to bear witness any longer, selfish ingrate that I was. Observing her suffering discomforted me so. A human son, a good son, would have wanted to stay and see it through to the end. Ignominious Me scurried away like Starch Shirt Edward racing towards his prayer bench at full speed nipped all the way by sin's pull.

Speaking of sin, something soft yet stirring came against my fingers, like a blade of grass traced against my face: a tantalizingly warm commodity drawing me away from the misery of yesteryear. A puff of air blew against my closed lids, and I found myself holding my wide-eyed singer in my arms, my lips millimeters from hers, my fraudulent fingers encircling her waist. Oops. Like the thief caught red-handed in the town square, I almost dropped her then and there, gulping back a mouthful of venom. Somehow, reason kicked in as Jugurtha pointed out, "If you did so she's simply splatter on your chest breasts first. Unbound breasts first. Which would totally be hot."

"Which couldn't be all that bad," I perhaps smirked.

"It would for your penis. Her left kneecap would land right on it. I don't recommend that move."

I couldn't cause my girlfriend discomfort any longer, or discomfort in a delicate region for myself. This was a two-for-one win. Maybe.

Starched Shirt Edward, in full callow careening canon misfiring mode, bellowed, "We just saw our dearly departed mortal mother dying and you're have puerile and, might I add, disgraceful thoughts of the most sacred thing left in our life? At once, you need to place our dear little one back on the bed where she belonged, and for heaven's sake do not manhandle her." Frozen in shock, stuttering in shame, I probably had the deer before the vampire descends expression on my face.

In a quieter voice he said, "And we must contemplate on what we witnessed. And confer later." Jugurtha clapped a hand on his shoulder and nodded at me. I heard my girlfriend clear her throat and wheeze.

"You were having a bad dream about…." She stopped as if she feared hurting me, and traced my forehead with one hand tentatively, her other still touching my shoulder brushing lightly against the cotton of my shirt. "It sounded like you needed to wake up." I placed her to my left and clutched her to me, and pulled my fingers through her hair.

"Please accept my abject apologies. I hope I didn't frighten you." She required comforting after the fright I'd most assuredly given her. I required it even more at the thought of almost hurting her. Mary Alice had apparently seen this and had warned our Parents that I'd be just fine she whispered at vampire pitch when I glanced around the room wondering why they haven't prevented this. Mary Alice deserved bouquets of flowers. Too bad she couldn't eat chocolate. I'd have sent her boxes and boxes at that moment. I'd add in a fern or two to add to her collection by her porch.

I needed to exercise more control even in my sleep. I sighed as I felt her drift away against my chest. I'd had everything that mattered ripped from me on that day in 1918. I was not going to allow that to happen again. Not on my watch. I couldn't help but pull her closer into my arms than usual. I needed her touch like the selfish beast I was. I craved it. She'd become my spiritual food. And it kept me from wondering at how my human mother could be so wrong and so correct about the future. I certainly had failed to live up to any vision she might have had. I didn't blame her for asking me to be turned. Her only failure was in having faith in me. And that was not her fault. Humans were sentimental, and sometimes erred because of it, I've read.

Patting my side, my girlfriend called me back into our bed, "You're not even remotely scary, Edward Cullen." The demented woman seemed to have no sense of self-preservation as she patted my chest and snuggled against me. Her heart rate had returned to normal. She relaxed bonelessly against me. If I was really good, maybe she'd slobber a time or five on my shirt. Or my neck. Or my….never mind. There was nothing immoral about an innocent fantasy or fifty. One could dream, you know. Thank the stars Almighty, her skin stayed un-bruised.

"We'll have to work on that, my dear little algae lover."

She snorted against my shoulder. "Guilty as charged."

Me too, little girl. Me too. Honestly.

* * *

**AN: The last line of this chapter is Edward responding to the "guilty" comment, not the "lover" part. I liked the endearment "dear little algae lover." It has a certain ring to it. He's falling harder, that Edward. You will know with 100% certainty that he's a goner when he mentally refers to her as "my Bella".  
**

**So Edward and his family met some Other Immortals in a non-physical kind of way. Grace decided to school the Other Immortals in manners. Emmett acted like a wet glow in the dark algae filled blanket on that whole conflict dealio. The Other Immortals permitted the Cullens to "check out" library vampire weapons provided they returned them. **

**Part of this chapter was inspired by an awesome story by Edgar Allen Poe. I've posted a link to it on my profile.  
**

**Starched Shirt Edward wants me to tell you that Saint George is also the patron of England, Aragon, Catalonia, Georgia, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal, Germany, Greece, Moscow, Istanbul, Genoa and Venice. **

**I've posted links on my profile for this story. If you go to their official web page, there actually are records for how many Boy Scouts were members in the US in 2006. Scout's Honor.  
**

**Grace became a little defensive and decided to play show and tell. She won. Fins down. Anyone interested in Ichthyology (the study of fish - not praying to them) can learn more about Manta Rays on my profile. And I wasn't kidding about that **_**Cephalopterus vampyrus **_**part. Honest. **

**Edward's powers misbehaved in all the wrong ways. Kind of. Sort of. He is tapping me on the shoulder and insisting that I tell you that he is _not_ a premature power user. Nor does he need supernatural spiritual Viagra, thank you very much. Edward suspects he knows why the people kept dying on the O'Shea land, having met the spirits who-dun-it. Edward learns more about Bella's past and manages to sleep with her on the first date. Sort of. Technically. Edward dreams about his family and the circumstances of his turning, and has an important chat with Hezekiah, and receives more advice from his committee. The Cullens deliberate over the state of the chaos in their lives. The Vancouver Coven has not called. Or emailed. Or written. Or sent flowers. Or dairy products. And that last part really irritates Carlisle because he gave those bastards money. He wants his stainless steel Temp-Plated © double-walled built to exacting standards milk cooler. Lots more Edward and Bella fun coming up.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Dream Edward is feeling neglected lately since Genevieve has been muzzled. He'd appreciate some attention. **

**Main Edward is snorting at the inglorious bastard and says he doesn't mean to brag…..but he's far more interesting. **

**Please review and show him some love. It might inspire me to post the next chapter early. **

**Because what I've written is just so wrong on so many levels. **


	37. HOD pt 26 Just so wrong on so many level

*****This chapter contains mature content. The next one, too. Jugurtha has warned you.*****

**Many thanks to my muses: Nofangsallowed, LJSummers, blue2185, MiaCullen, Rgwmnks, Redsoxlove, blondie9779, schleprock, pclo, squarepancake, June, Miss Poison, Jacque, lisamackb, oncebitten, Disney Vampire, dellatwi, notmyself, Sheeijan, elphabacy35, Robs_Muse, Sariedee, pomme_de_terre, Bella S, Jenny 1979, Merrisol, fanficreader83, Cullen Pearl, RedneckAngel, Tapiana, Amortentia_4u, Forest Sentry Koneji, luv4edwardcullen, CindyWindy, mamato, TwilightMomofTwo, PurpleMadDragon, Sapphira Majoram, Codelina, Angelbach, Mutt N. Feathers, Pamela J. Austin, and Gwen69.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron and any other original characters are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing.**

**Snarky Summary: Thank you all for your amazing reviews! I always keep my promises. And I **_**did**_** state that the next chapter that I had written was just wrong on so many levels. See? You'll have to tell me if it lived up to its name. For this chapter you need to remember that the whole immortal world is on edge after the Volturi destroyed an elementary school in Los Angeles and killed the local coven as punishment. Edward and Bella had a very busy first date. Edward captured a haunting memory of Mrs. Stanley having to pry a sobbing Bella from Liam's tombstone a few months after his death. What should stand out in your mind aside from that whole Other Immortals lurking on her land – in the flesh and in spirit, her Great Uncle's armory and questionable plant collecting hobby, is that Bella and Edward had a HUGE discussion in her bedroom at the farmhouse. What you should see is that Bella has been increasingly opening up and letting Edward in from an emotional perspective. She's not a talker. Edward learned that she was closest to Liam, who was her hero. She was planning on moving in with Liam before he and her Grandparents were murdered. Also, remember that the Violet Gorgon has threatened the Cullens, who have armed themselves with wolves aplenty, and a silver-tongued shaman lawyer who dates the chief of police, too. Just in case. On a mission for the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes, Edward recovered a mysterious bracelet and set of pearls from Bella's safe deposit box. Edward for the past few chapters has been having dreams when he sleeps about episodes from his human life. Last chapter he dreamed about Carlisle's role in his human family's life, and of the circumstances of his turning. As we concluded the last chapter, he was holding "his little algae lover" in his arms. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Heart of Darkness – Part Twenty-Six: Just So Wrong on So Many Levels**

She had her first nightmare forty minutes into her sleep cycle. And it actually woke me up from a conversation with Hezekiah concerning our encounter with the Other Immortals and that pesky power, um, surge that never happened when I wanted it to. He'd suggested I give her the shirt off my back before he had stuffed me back into my body. Ye gads! I was not aware he meant it literally.

Jasper said from the downstairs hallway, "It's time."

It would not do for him to discover me standing shirtless over her – so I'd been sure to change at wolf-vampire speed in my closet. I hated leaving her, and knew she needed comforting in my absence. I threw my shirt at her like raw meat to a starving lion. She pulled it against her face, inhaled deeply and said, "mmm Dream Edward." I attempted to tamp down the jealousy that arose when she clutched it to her chest. Giving truth to the phrase green-eyed monster in more ways than one, I wanted to push the shirt out of the way and take its place. How pathetic was that? Jealous over a lump of cotton. What I would not do to hear her simply say, "mmm Edward." Was that too much to ask? Mother stood in the hallway. How mortifying.

I asked, "Can you smell my shirt that I left for her?"

"Not at all. I can smell you in the room. But even the scent of your shirt is not on her."

As an experiment Mother crossed to the side of the bed and leaned over cautiously sniffing at the fabric like a wine taster. She shook her head emphatically, 'no'. Despite the fact I could smell her; my singer had a "scent"-antic dead zone surrounding her for almost everyone else. Initially, I'd dismissed her as a dull human girl who merely smelled nice. Upon further reflection, I had to reconsider that evaluation. She was most definitely a not-so-dull-after-all-human-woman-who excelled in intellect, spirit, charm, and driving me insane. Her unhinged relatives, too. Especially on that insane business. I swear they were trying to annoy me to un-death.

I reminded myself, Jugurtha, and Starched Shirt Edward did as well, that this was for a good cause as I trudged from the house into the car with my siblings. Mother kept watch over her and the awake and alert pack.

We drove away listening to their whining. "Aw man, this is so uncool! Why does _he_ get to go and we don't?" Stoic John Quill sat at our side. We had the windows down in case he lost the bird he'd eaten a little while ago. The one with feathers.

It was good having extra friends in town. The Denali clan grumbled a bit at Carlisle's request for them to stay out of my girlfriend's sight. Notwithstanding they devoutly respected Volturi law– I could not have Tanya near her or her sisters. I knew my delusional cousin would have had to grill my singer and I couldn't have that. So I had to give them a job. And they were appropriately entertained when we asked them for a tiny favor. In fact, given our history with the wolves, when we told them what the favor entailed, they were upset we had not asked sooner.

Tanya, and Kate broke into two fertility clinics that had stored samples of Billy Black's sperm, all fifty deposits that he had left. As a matter of fact, Irina and Carmen handled four other fertility clinics across the state that also were blighted by the presence of his two hundred sixty-eight DNA samples and frolicked with gleeful abandon. And to our amazement, all his samples - and Paula had kept track of each and every one by virtuous snooping in her brother's voluminous records - grew legs and jumped into a fire, never to be seen again. Jasper had double-checked Paula's record keeping out of an abundance of caution given Liam was still giving him fits. We'd found one other stash of seven hundred twenty-one deposits under a fake name in Seattle and Eleazar was only too happy to handle that.

Paula agreed to pay a social call to her brother that night, and called him to meet to, "bury the hatchet," as she called it. She offered to share a drink with him. Jacob and Billy both were out like the dim-witted lights they were, thanks to a happy wave of power on my part. And I was not skulking in their shrubbery. They didn't have shrubs anyway. They had Douglas Firs. Badly maintained ones. How could someone be too stupid to manage trees, and still sneak up on someone as fiendishly clever as Liam O'Shea? Genevieve, too?

Neither woke up when tribal elders came into the room and lifted Billy from his chair. By that I am, of course, referring to the Blacks, not thank God, the Swans. The dead in the ground ones.

The very sight of the nine hundred fifty-two - someone had been a busy little bee in conducting research of his own - sperm samples that Billy had stored in his garage - made Harry Clearwater turn green. Billy Black now became the talk of the neighborhood given the nature of his hobby. Sperm collecting. Worse, they had discovered his poor taste in pornographic magazines that he used while conducting said scientific inquiries as well as his prescription strength… for equipment that…..never mind.

Harry muttered something about Billy being 'five steps below Hustler magazine,' in his vice choices. Emmett thought Harry was too nice. Pornographic dis-appreciation aside, this was going to be too much fun. Well, as much fun as I could have being separated from my singer. With my clothes on. I had left her side reluctantly to handle another issue in her life that required my attention. I tried to convince myself that this sacrifice of time would be for us.

"It's for a good cause. Focus," Jugurtha soothed.

"Some people should not be permitted to fling their spawn on the world." Starched Shirt Edward opined." We all shook our heads in agreement.

As he stood staring at the rows of samples, Harry Clearwater's lips twitched.

Paula's did too.

"This is poetic you know."

"I'm not ashamed to admit I have a strong desire to videotape it to record for posterity as a family heirloom," she chortled as she dumped another set of vials, how appropriate a word, into the fire.

They destroyed all his samples at the house meticulously. Donning bio-hazard bright blue rubber gloves, Harry, Sue, Paula and the other elders cheerfully helped throw them into an oil barrel that had a toasty fire inside. Rosalie and Father were otherwise occupied at the Quileute's health clinic. And I joined in. I was a doctor. Twice. Being totally unprofessional.

Four hours later, Billy woke up in a hospital bed at the clinic.

Groggily, he saw Paula and hoarsely asked, "What the hell happened?"

"Brother dear, the best news happened. It's a miracle!" Paula gushed as she shut the curtains to his room.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're going to be ok."

"What?" Billy's features paled.

"You passed out and fell on the coffee table." She positively beamed at him as she approached the foot of his bed.

"What the hell? I did? I have a headache and a dry mouth."

"Oh that's most likely from your surgery."

"My what? I didn't fall bad enough to have surgery." He looked down and nothing looked different although he was fully clothed, "What are you talking about?"

"Well, I'm your sister and all and it kind of embarrasses me to have to tell you this." She actually blushed. She was worth every penny of the fee she charged by the hour, she lied well for a human.

"What?"

"Well when you fell, it damaged. Um. You landed, uh, um, awkwardly. They had to do surgery and I'm sorry to say they had to take drastic measures. But you are going to be just fine." She soothed. "Eventually."

"What the hell?" he started patting himself.

"What did they operate on?"

"Oh nothing much."

"Then why don't you just spit it out and tell me?"

"Fine. You asked for it. The doctors had to remove your testicles. Both of them were crushed in the fall."

He fainted three times.

When he finally regained consciousness and had stopped hyperventilating, Paula said, "Oh, and here's your mail. I fetched it for you."

She handed him a stack of letters. He flipped through them trying to take his mind off of the news and found an envelope and thanked God that he was a good planner. No one would stop him. He was Billy Black. He always won. He opened a letter from his fertility clinic and read as they apologetically informed him that every single sample of his sperm had been destroyed in a lab accident the week before and could he please come back in to donate in the name of science? Forging the letter had been a nice touch.

Paula's delighted grin told him everything he needed to know.

"You did this!" He seethed at his sister. "I'm going to kill…."

That's about when she leaned forward, patted him on the cheek, and phased.

It was night, after all. Shreds of her shirt landed on his face. He had to spit the leather toe of her right shoe from his mouth. Truth be told, it did look better on him than on her. Especially that whole foot in the mouth angle. And it was a good thing we had set him up in a room with a ceiling that could hold her.

We had cleared the floor of all nonessential personnel. Only Quileute tribe members were on staff after juggling shifts.

In wolf form, Paula leaned forward and snuffled against Billy a time or six.

That's when Jasper strolled in the room and decided to amp up Billy's fear.

"Hello there Mr. Black, my name is Jasper. I see you and your sister are becoming better acquainted. Family reunions are grand, aren't they?"

Billy had already soiled himself, an acquired trait that seemed to run in the family. His heart monitor indicated his rate had jumped significantly, might I add. Billy nodded just as Paula, the evil woman, decided to let loose and drool on his face, licking her chops and snapping her teeth. He fainted four times. Paula licked his face each time to wake him up, considerate sister that she was. And she had eaten garlic bread prepared by my Mother's very own hand not long ago. Her breath when combined with the Roquefort cheese that had been on the salad was enough to lure him to consciousness each time.

Rosalie came in with his chart wearing surgical scrubs.

"What the hell is going on?" Billy spluttered. Looking terrified at the wolf, wondering why she wasn't attacking.

"Kill the blood suckers!" he roared pointing at said group standing in corner. Sucking on nothing, might I add for the record. I thought the blood staining my scrubs was an extra touch. It was deer but he didn't need to know that. And fine, I had put some around my mouth as well. Billy screamed when he finally stopped bellowing long enough to notice me in the dark corner. Jacob solved that whole nurture vs. nature debate. The apple, regardless of origin, did not fall far from that tree.

The wolf shook her head emphatically "no" and Billy wailed, "It's your duty. As head of the family and rightful chief of the tribe I order you! He ate my testicles! This means war!"

I felt the need to point out. "Testicle eating is not covered in the treaty, is it Jasper?"

"No, brother, I don't believe there's a clause for that."

Ignoring his histrionics Rosalie patted Paula on the side, stroking the fur casually saying, "I've got to find out what conditioner you use." We all decided to ignore that she basically just groped Paula's hindquarters. "Oh, where was I…..Mr. Black, I'm delighted to say that removing your testicles went well. You will have a full recovery." Rosalie said in her most professional tone.

"You're what….nineteen? There's no way you can be a doctor."

Fear must have robbed him of what little brainpower he had. I really did wonder about Jacob's connection to him then. Then again, I realized stupidity could be learned.

"Actually, I can, Mr. Black. I'm older than you are." She flashed her teeth and crumpled the bed rail by his hand like saltwater taffy. "And operating on you was a distinct pleasure," she leaned forward on the word "pleasure." She then swept from the room, leaving Jasper to his fun.

Tanya and her sisters walked in. "Well, hello there, aren't you just the cutest little eunuch I've seen in three centuries," Tanya cooed trailing her fingers down his chest. "We're going to be your nurses tonight. And we can't wait, can we, ladies? Wouldn't it be fun to hang out with us for an eternity, William, you naughty boy you?" That's when Billy started screaming again. Tanya had trailed her fingers low enough to get his attention. "Oops. We'll step aside. You are going to get a sponge bath next, big boy." She left the room hips at full sway.

"Your sister has asked me to explain something to you since you don't have the capacity to understand her when she's in this form."

"Why should I listen to a word you say leech?" Billy panted. He thought to himself, _"These cold ones are all out to get me. But I'm a Black. I'll win. I always do. And there's no way I'm letting them get a fang on the Swan land."_

At vampire pitch, I repeated his thoughts to Jasper, Paula, Carlisle, and John. The true genius of Jasper is that he, when he could control himself, really knew how to wield his gift like a master. If Billy was too afraid, the message would not sink in. My devious brother used just enough of his gift to strike the right balance.

"First, you're absolutely right. We are all out to get you, us being cold ones in alliance with the tribe with a renewed treaty." Billy made a strangled noise. "Second, I can control your sister, " We didn't think he needed to know how, "and shucks, you know how those young wolves get frisky and temperamental. I'm the only thing keeping her in check right now, want to see why?"

Billy held out his palm in supplication as Jasper turned for the door, "No no, please stay. What do you want?" His voice broke.

Jasper continued, "That reminds me of my next point. You're going to follow the tribal rules. You will leave both Swans alone. You already murdered Bella's Grandparents and Great Uncle. And by the way, Liam sent a message for you."

"I never murdered anyone. They died of asthma," he sneered thinking of that night enshrined in his sick little mind. His thoughts turned to the tale he had spun to his idiot of a cousin-in-law about how Jake had bought them bees as a gift not knowing that they were allergic. He recalled with a mental chuckle telling the man while actually crying real tears how his poor son had tripped and set them loose in the house and he was too young at ten going on eleven to be tried for murder….. Fondly Billy recalled convincing Jake to order the bees and pay for them with a money order. He had to think positive. He could get through this latest challenge. He always did. I repeated his thoughts at vampire pitch. Paula growled and lunged. Billy fainted again. We woke him up this time with a pail of cold water.

And I would know nothing about the first thing he saw being me licking my fingers. I can't help it if he thought I ate his testicles. The man is a moron.

"Yes, Mr. Black. All that is true, but that doesn't mean Liam is silent." Jasper picked up the conversation as if nothing had happened. "And blaming their deaths on Jake to your gullible cousin, the coroner? Pathetic. And the Swans and Liam are still mighty sore about those bees."

"I admit nothing, and have no idea what you are talking about." Amateur. That didn't sound remotely convincing. Perhaps the shaking business added to that effect.

"Liam said you'd say that, too." Jasper lied smoothly.

"Well, pretending for a minute that you _could_ talk to the dead, what does he want?" Billy thought with a mental chortle that it wasn't like Liam could touch him now. And God his sister's breath stunk. Thank God genetics kept her from killing him.

And genetics don't keep Paula for tearing your throat out." Jasper taunted.

"Fine. Liam speaks. What did he demand now?" He tried to bluff his way through that losing the jugular to his sister business.

"Oh, he doesn't want anything. He asked me to tell you something. He promised you vengeance and butterflies. Billy stiffened his upper body completely at that phrase. Now he believed Jasper.

"You've lost your testicles; you've lost your stored sperm at each of the seven clinics you used and the samples in your garage." Billy's face fell, "And he thought you'd like the butterfly he gave you."

"What?"

"You might want to look under your hospital gown." Frantic, Billy tore the cloth to reveal a prominent butterfly tattooed on Billy's flesh in a vivid shade of green that stood out on his skin that read "Property of Liam." Billy squealed.

Vengeance and butterflies indeed.

"Oh…..and he wanted you to know that it took a lot of power to push your car off the road that night, but he'd happily do it again if you set one foot near his family." Jasper was totally lying there, but Billy bought it.

"What night?" Billy started to feel the fear Jasper directed at him.

"The one where you had your car accident and were paralyzed permanently. That night." My brother continued to bark to Billy's blanched face, "You will leave the Swans alone. You will stop pressuring Jacob in any way, shape and or form to have any kind of relationship with Bella. And if you ever threaten the Swans or anyone else in the tribe again, your sister will be the one to discipline you if Liam doesn't get to you first. And Billy, Liam has taken up watching over you as a personal hobby. Are we clear?" Paula added in a few growls at appropriate points. She was having the time of her life.

Harry Clearwater walked into the room on that note and said, "Hi there Paula!" He acted like he had just passed her in the street which disconcerted Billy even more. "Nice coat of hair you've got going on." Harry reached out and did some type of movement where they bumped his fist to her claws gingerly. "Billy, declaring yourself the rightful chief… now that kind of violates the spirit of the whole probation agreement we had. You are off our rolls of the tribe as of now. And I thought I'd give you your official warning that I mean to back up what cold boy wonder here just said. You so much as twitch in Bella or Charlie's direction and I'll let them have you. Jake can live in the house, but you are no longer allowed on Quileute land for any reason, and that will be enforced by the pack. Paula dear, you look lovely as usual, and we've changed our mind on that probation for you. Call me and let's do lunch." He made a gesture with his right hand mimicking holding a cell phone in an exaggerated manner and winked at her on his way out. Paula huffed at him and nodded, "yes" as Billy quivered and spluttered about calling his lawyer.

Smirking Jasper said, "What precisely are you going to tell any lawyer that would take your money? That supernatural shapeshifting wolves and vampires formed an alliance against you? Now that you are no longer in the tribe, you no longer fall under the protection of the treaty, and are just another ordinary human."

Jasper picked up the shredded clothing of Paula's that was all over the room at vampire speed. Billy had never seen anyone move that fast and squealed thinking Jasper was after him. Emmett lumbered into the room with a fresh set of clothes for Paula, shoes too.

"You violate the treaty if you bite a human." Billy whined. Just like Jacob to natter on about paperwork with faced with a higher power.

"Mr. Black. Do you really think a soul in the Quileute tribe - now that they know you murdered gobs of people - would care? They've been trolling through your garage all day staring at that deplorable picture collection of yours and everything else that went along with it. Half the tribe helped burn your sperm samples."

Emmett said, "And man, saying your taste in porn is five rungs below Hustler magazine insults all the bad porn the world over." He nodded derisively at Billy. "Later, killer," and left the room with Jasper, who of course, could not resist sending one last blast of terror to Billy as he looked at his sister and screamed. After an hour of drooling over him and growling at him gnashing her teeth and clawing at his bedding and mattress, barely missing him in the process, she phased back into her human form and changed while he lay unconscious. They sedated him and changed out the mattress and made the room look exactly like nothing had happened.

Paula woke him up again, squeezed his cheek, wiping away his fresh tears and said, "Brother dear, I am now head of the family and I'm the head wolf in the tribe."

"What do you mean head wolf?" He turned to see John Quill walk in the room and have a seat.

"We have a pack now. And they're awfully angry at you. They like Bella, you see. You will listen and listen well. I know all about the murders and the embezzlement. And this is your punishment for them. Our line ends here with you and me. And I'm also the new shaman for the tribe. If you don't behave, the Cullens have some interesting reading material from your business they'll be turning over to the authorities if they don't kill you first. That means you will also keep you paws off of Jake. Following those conditions is the only thing that will keep you having a pulse. And don't ever raise your voice to me. Being a new wolf and all, I phase at the drop of a hat. Without Jasper around, I'd kill you without a second thought." She walked out of the room leaving her brother gaping.

Wiping away his tears, embarrassed at being caught weeping Billy snapped, "What do you want, old man?"

John Quill sat down in the chair by the bed and glared at Billy. "I'd like you to explain to me why you murdered my daughter. I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm going to let you live. The tribe and your sister have actually left your life in my hands since it was my blood that was shed at your hands. I have absolutely nothing that can stand in the way of me taking your life."

"Aside from age?"

"Oh, I see Paula neglected to mention something to you."

"Spit it out and get the hell out of here. I've had enough."

"You've had enough when I decide, Billy, not you. I'm the newest member of the wolf pack. And seeing as how I'm likely to phase when easily angered, you might want to re-consider that tone of voice. I'll take my time in deciding what to do with you." He quietly left the room.

Tanya and her sisters came in when he was done and patted him on his flank and said, "No one should lose a child like that. We'll handle the body. Run along home." God, the stench was horrible, she thought, wondering how the Cullens kept from vomiting.

Paula turned to Father and repeated our agreement so the elders could witness it. "I promise that I will keep Jacob from turning into a wolf. I agree with you that after all of Billy's brainwashing that he'd make a horrible addition to any pack. He'd try to take it over, and God love him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He never thinks long term, so I'm doing this to save his life. I'll happily comply with your condition. I accept any judgment that John Quill metes out as appropriate."

Paula looked at my family with warmth and said with a sad smile, "Give Bella a hug for me."

She walked away into the dark. She had work to do. Training the pack. Their lives could depend on it. John emerged from the hospital. They both phased and ran back to the house, followed by an escort. I figured if John could sit in the room with the murderer of his child, he could control himself. He could leave the cottage when he felt ready.

Carmen and Eleazar had joined in on the fun. As we sped back to the house I said to Jugurtha, "Mark Billy Black off the list of immediate problems that must be solved."

I donned a different set of pajamas when I returned to our room. My girlfriend had my top clutched like a life preserver in her hand. That didn't stop her from snuggling up against me and I certainly had no complaints. My heart started and I knew no more.

Sleep claimed me within minutes.

I found myself walking down a dark street in Chicago dressed in a formal wool coat. My friend Horatio St. James positively beamed happiness and he bounded out of a doorway to a small townhouse, scattering snow in his wake. "She said 'yes,' Edward. She took my ring! I can't wait to marry that girl!" He all but danced in the street as he shook me by the shoulders. His joy was contagious as he walked at my side as I pointed him with a hand in the direction of home. I had accompanied him to wait outside as he had proposed to his sweetheart.

"Congratulations."

He grabbed my hand and shook it clapping me on the back at the same time. "If it weren't for the teas you invited me to, I never would have met her. Will you do me the honor of being my best man? We've set the date for next week."

Horatio had stopped to contemplate his future. One would think we walked in summertime rather than in the falling snow and bitter wind. Horatio acted like he did not have a care in the world and all the time to contemplate his life.

"I'd be honored. What do I need to do?" I could hear the nervousness in my voice.

"You'll hold the wedding bands for us at the ceremony, and you don't have to say a word. I'll need you to sign that you are a witness on the marriage certificate. And you'll be there, of course, along with my parents and brothers. It's going to be small, and held in her parents' library. I'm shipping out two days later."

I thought longingly of joining him. My Mother had been obstinate in not wanting me to sign up for the Great War. I was hoping by attending her teas that I could change her mind. I thought if I met and married someone, then she'd see I was my own man and could make this decision. Except, no one seemed worth talking to. And I refused to fake a romance. I was raised better. I couldn't do that to a young lady from a gentle background's heart. So I stayed single.

"Don't worry, Edward." Horatio went from beaming to solemn in record time.

"I'm sorry?"

"You'll meet her. Your Mother said so. And she's never been wrong before. She told me I'd meet my fiancée that very night, and I did." The dream ended with me staring at my home in Chicago from the outside as snowflakes poured down. I turned to see Horatio jauntily walk to his house a short way down the road. He whistled happily as he crashed against his older brothers, Archibald and Philemon, who had just returned from their own night on the town. Horatio embraced them in each arm while giving the good news, handfuls of snow down the back of their necks for good measure grabbed from the nearly railing. I wished I had brothers like he did. The last thing I heard were their whoops of congratulations and promises of retribution.

The next morning started out blissfully enough in her arms like any other morning. Except for the heart stopping part. Which hurt. A lot. My singer slept soundly having been exhausted by me the day before, so I dressed before her. Well not in front of her, but I decided she should sleep for fifteen minutes longer. And my sisters, the she-devils, decided they would be the ones to awaken her, while I shaved.

Peter and Charlotte were at Mary Alice's and Jasper's cottage having recently vomited over the wolves in horror. The pack was happy to have another set of "real" blood sucking red-eyed people to try to fake kill. With their extensive scars, Peter and Charlotte were forced to live apart from other immortals, seeing as how the Volturi were still awfully eager to question to real death any one that had participated in the Southern Wars. We'd tried to get them to join our family for years, but Charlotte could not abstain from the taste of human blood. They compromised by raiding hospitals rather than killing humans. Peter had been trying to go vegetarian on and off for thirty years.

As she walked to the breakfast area, my startled singer saw an envelope with her name on it resting by her plate. It said, "Get Well," on it in Charlie's distinctive scrawl. She flushed and stared at the table.

"What's this?"

"Your father dropped it by for you on his way to work, dear," Mother said.

For a moment I thought she was going to leave it and the room. Mother sat down in a chair by her and said, touching her forearm gently, "I think it's safe to open Bella. We can give you privacy if you like?"

"Please stay."

"When was the last time he sent you a card?" Mother prompted.

"Third grade."

"For your birthday?" Mother's voice brightened. She knew human girls liked birthday parties.

"No. I'd broken my arm and was in the hospital." She opened it and the gift card fell out. Charlie had written, "Bells. Buy something warm to wear. Soon. Love, Dad."

"Your father did laundry and decided that he wanted you to have new clothing. He's asked me to help you. This is a gift certificate to the local mall."

"I don't," she stumbled, pausing. I wanted to flee the room. This was not a conversation that a man could participate in safely. Even I knew that. I kept my lips closed and studied my cereal bowl pretending not to see the pleading glance or two from my singer.

"Dear, the money has already been spent to purchase the gift card. He's not going to un-spend it. Would you like to go shopping?" My singer looked as if she'd rather eat nails and blow up Liam's lab. Maybe both. She suddenly had this trapped appearance.

Mother patted her back to help her stop that heavy wheezing business. "Bella, we know you've been sick. You don't have to if you don't feel like it."

She was sitting to my right. I tentatively reached out and took her hand in my own. She was shaking. That couldn't be good.

Jasper said mentally to me, _"Edward, give her hand a slight squeeze. It will make you look empathetic and for God's sake to make sure you refrain from mangling her delicate hand in the process. And remember you're supposed to be eating. You look fuller than a tick on a dog."_

Mary Alice chirped as she sailed into the room and squeezed my girlfriend's shoulders from behind. "It's not like there's a rush. The mall will still be there next week." _"Edward, I vote for making Charlie wait the full ten days,"_ Mary Alice thought to me. _"And seriously she hates shopping. It would be cruel to make her go."_ I knew why.

With spite galore, I seconded the motion. About avoiding the mall, not dragging her to it. My singer needed her rest. Besides, I could always hire that efficient and ever so discreet Marcia from that big store at the mall to shop for her, and suggested that to Mother, at vampire pitch. That got her thinking.

Mother decided, "We'll bring the store to her." Problem solved.

"I think we'll tell him your asthma is back again, dear." That was true. Bella nodded in relief, and turned to dispatching her food with methodical precision. Her fork marched across that plate like Sherman burning his way through Georgia.

I sat by my girlfriend choking down without a complaint something involving insect squishy raisins and what allegedly passed for "corn flakes" but in reality tasted like lumps of lead flakes stumbling drunkenly down my tortured path to my unwelcoming stomach. Emmett had slipped me a fresh package of those mouthwash strips in sympathy. He knew I was going to gleefully launch my breakfast into the nearest vacant bathroom the third second we arrived at school. My family had claimed they'd all eaten and had made up a convincing display of a set of dishes splattered with reeking human food. Emmett had even added a bit of egg yolk to his collar, a sacrifice to his vampire sense of smell. Oh, the humanity we aped.

Ruminating over our farmhouse conversation, I thought about the impact of losing her Grandparents and Great-Uncle like that. My siblings began filing in the room to keep us company while we ate.

"Edward, you did good with her in her Great Uncle's house yesterday." Emmett said at vampire pitch, while teasing my girlfriend about her puny appetite. He offered to engage in competitive eating at lunch. Emmett must really like my girlfriend. Not "like" as in that kind of like. He hated eating.

I said nothing in response but sort of smiled at Rosalie, who took that as encouragement from me and said, "I think that what she needs most in her life right now, aside from a predictable routine is a sense of control." Rosalie said this to me like I should understand the deeper significance of her words. Then her husband stood up from the table, walked by and involved her in a cheerful argument out loud for the entertainment of my dear little one. Fine. Control. I had to let my girlfriend feel the illusion that she was in control. I'd been ordered to. I could follow instructions with the best of them.

I munched the raisins which felt like squirming maggots under my tongue, and tasted worse, until she had finished her third bowl of cereal. Two glasses of milk, four scrambled eggs, and five bacon strips later, my singer appeared sated. I'd had to eat two bowls to keep her company. The things I did for this delightful woman. I mean girl. I mean woman. Definitely woman. Girl sounded improper despite that whole eighty-eight year age difference that still bothered Jasper.

He kept muttering some woman named Anne Nicole Smith under his breath like she was the patron saint of May-December like no other December romances. Then he'd block me. Caterwauling Creep. He munches on mortals for centuries, tortures endless immortals, and I'm a pervert for simply accompanying and seeing to the welfare of one? Someone had a double-standard problem.

What did he expect me to do to find romance? Tanya? Despite the fact that it was most definitely ungentlemanly of me to think, she was like the fast food equivalent of vampire girlfriends – over 25 million served. And I had no desire to reap the dubious benefits of her extensive practice. I'd rather stayed chaste. Which unfortunately around her translated to "chased." The harpy. Thank god she was pleasantly occupied torturing Billy with her sisters.

My singer stared at the gift card that sat in between us like an unwelcome ramrod postured chaperone looking down her beaked nose, dark beady eyes squinting in disdain. I didn't want her to decline my gift. I didn't know what to say.

Mother picked it up and said, "Bella, when you come home from school, why don't we make a list of things you like and we'll have a professional shopper bring them to the house. You won't even have to lift a finger."

"Seriously?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," she promised beatifically. My Mother was spectacular.

"I don't usually eat this much. I've been really hungry lately." My singer appeared mystified. She had only gained back three pounds since her release from the hospital from pneumonia. She still was underweight for her size.

Mary Alice said, "Your body is trying to catch up from being sick. I say eat away." My dear little full one left us to primp for the day. She had tests to pretend to study for in a few hours.

I applauded my girlfriend eating like a linebacker, albeit one with considerably better manners, and infinite more charm. It would improve her health. And that would improve my life in every way. Every way that mattered. I noticed something seemed to be off with my girlfriend. She kept looking at me every so often and flushing. Considering I was not doing anything to embarrass her, nor could I detect anything out of the normal, this seemed odd. Because she appeared uncomfortable. Her temperature was normal. I'd have to break down and speak to her.

"How did you sleep?" She still appeared tired as we were collecting our school bags from our bedroom, and the question made her jerk as if startled. My siblings were out in front of the house plotting Forks domination. I insisted on offering my Queen my arm as all gentlemen should as we descended the staircase. I had grown used to trying to tune out the sensation I felt at every touch, of trying to ignore that I'd caved and wanted to touch her more.

"Well enough." There seemed to be an awkward pause. She stared at my shoes and stammered, "I found your shirt this morning." she whispered as we walked toward the front door that my siblings had left open for us.

"Yes?"

Staring at my fascinated siblings who pretended to chatter, she pulled me by the arm back inside the house. Standing closer and reaching around me, she shut the door. I leaned my back against it, staring down at her as she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and wrung her hands. "I'm sorry, Edward," She said to the area rug at my feet.

Mother thought to me, _"The poor girl sounds upset, dear. I'll jump in if you need me to. Try to comfort her. You can do this."_

Taking my little bottle cap's trembling shoulders in my hands, I stooped down till we were at eye level and asked, "What precisely do you think you need to apologize for, Bella?"

"I must have attacked you last night?"

If humans could die on the spot from embarrassment, she would be the first candidate. I could hear her wheezing as stress hit her system. And gave her an epi shot right then. She barely noticed she was too busy hyperventilating.

And Emmett out front said, "What?" Rosalie clapped her hand over her mate's mouth before he could finish bellowing.

"Bella, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

Saints above I _wish_ she had attacked me. Granted, my concept of attack and her concept of attack were most likely entirely different. But still. As long as lips were involved and I avoided that neck chomping blood drinking issue, she could maul me to her glorious heart's desire. She got this almost hopeful expression on her face for a fleeting moment before it disappeared.

"But I woke up with your shirt in my arms," she stuttered out trying to look over my shoulder. I captured her face in my hands.

"So?"

Her face turned a vivid hue of scarlet, "So that means I must have made you take it off like I did when I was sick. Your sisters told me about it. They said I cried and wouldn't let you leave. I'm so sorry. I don't remember a thing."

Jasper ordered, "Fix this now Edward, she's upset." That was painfully obvious, emo-boy.

I pulled her into my arms and she buried her face against my chest. I kissed the top of her head and said, "My Queen, you are completely blameless, please accept my humble apology for causing you distress."

She whispered, "How have you earned my wrath, kind sir?" She kept her face firmly in the sweater breathing in slowly.

"I took off my shirt last night and left it. You never asked me to," I wanted to add, "nor, alas, did you attack me in any way, shape, and form." Instead I said, "I had forgotten to finish a section on my history paper, and decided to work in the hall so I would not disturb you. I left my shirt with you. This morning, I was the first one awake and completely forgot. The fault is entirely mine. Please accept my apologies instead."

"Oh." She kept blushing, how could me telling her she had nothing to be embarrassed make her further distressed?

"Edward?" Jasper asked from outside if he could use his powers, and muttered that I was a moron. I had managed to talk to her without insulting her. I had no earthly idea what his problem was, I huffed. Rosalie did not like the way her lungs currently sounded so I handed her an inhaler. Actually two.

"Yes," I whispered at vampire pitch to my brother as I ran my fingers across her hair.

She slumped as a strong wave of serenity slammed against her. With that difficult mind of hers, only some of it managed to sneak through. Rosalie smartly pushed on the door slamming it into my back and pretending to be surprised, with a sweet, "Oh, goodness, Edward, I'm so sorry."

I stepped forward and lifted my girlfriend by the waist before the force of the door hitting me could impact her balance. The speed of said collision produced a startled yelp. With a smothered sigh I released her into the arms of my family as they piled into the cars.

Several years ago, some collective filled with tree embracing parents decided that the climate of Forks could cause seasonal affect disorder in their children. Why they did not up and move was, I suppose, not something that occurred to their pea-brained minds. Instead some wealthy environmentalist with a substandard psychology degree, and ever worse architects decided to build an indoor retreat for the children – when the door to the building worked perfectly fine as an exit option to me. So they created a community, for lack of a better word, against all zoning ordinances indoor greenhouse. With a clear plastic roof and lights inside to make it appear like sunlight for the plants, it was a heated area with a few benches and overgrown rose bushes. Then the demon lawyers got involved and worried about liability and the roof blowing off and children being crushed by falling shrubs or attacked by evil thorns from roses and it became the locked up retreat that you could sneer at on your way out the door. And my little bottle cap was the only one who seemed to care about the health of said rosebushes, since the tree embracing parental units were too busy hauling their children to and from therapy sessions to care. So she was permitted to go and garden to her heart's content at any time. She picked today. I asked if I could join her for a moment.

"You like gardening?"

"No."

"Then why would you want to join me? I can't play chess and garden at the same time."

"Ah, I bet you could. I have something I need to discuss with you."

"Is it important?" She toyed with her gardener's gloves."

"Extremely."

I wondered why that would make her blush and behave as if nervous. I had better get this over with as soon as possible. Then I would not be required to speak.

She used her key to let us in the pseudo-solarium and I took a seat on a wooden bench. She tentatively sat beside me.

"Bella, when you promised your Grandmother that you'd wear your necklace, what exactly did you say?"

"I told her that once I put it on I'd never take it off."

"Excellent."

"Why?"

"I would be inclined to think if your Grandmother wanted you to have the necklace on at all times, that you definitely should keep that promise."

"I will. Is that it?" Her voice sounded small for a moment.

Desperation made my voice crack. "Promise not to get upset?" I hated this part of the talking business. I felt completely blind, conversationally speaking. I had no way aside from reading her face to interpret how my words impacted her. That was so unfair, yet so typical of Lady Fate. Mary Alice sat out of sight but within listening range and told me to go ahead. Mentally crossing my fingers, I launched the next phase of our plan.

Putting her gloves aside, she stared at the roses fiddling with the leaves on one bush, "I promise."

"Because we were testing your heart at the time, I did not tell you the complete story about your Grandparents and Great-Uncle. There are some things you should know."

"What else did you do, aside from looking at their records?" Smart one, she was.

"Not much. We exhumed their graves."

"That's illegal without filling out lots of paperwork. I checked." The very idea of my singer wielding a shovel alone in the grave yard late at night made my chest burn for some odd reason.

Why worry about tedious things like bureaucracy when we needed to answer the next of kin's concern. "We figured we had your permission. We worked at night and hid our tracks well."

"How well?"

"We re-sodded the graves and planted rose-bushes." Residents of Forks are disgustingly long-lived and given its death rates, there won't be another funeral for six months more. "And no one lurks in graveyards around here." No one except me.

"What did you find?"

"Stingers from foreign bees."

"They were buried with stingers in their bodies?" She all but wailed.

"Yes." I panicked. So I completely lied. "I removed all that I could find." I left off the "from your Grandmother only," part. And I definitely left off, "And we broke your Grandfather's fingers. Sorry."

"You did?"

"Yes, Father let us all help. We've been around dead people before. It wasn't bothersome." Had we ever been around dead people. She was talking to one. But I digress.

"Can you trace who bought the bees?"

"Jacob Black."

"Are you saying _Jacob_ was in on this?" Oh the fun I could have with lying. But alas, there was no proof to back me up; regardless muddying the waters was fair in love and war. And this was most definitely war between that rubber-lipped rapscallion and me. Although I felt a tiny twinge of feeling for him somewhere in the recesses of my mind. I had a father who had valued me when human. His valued what he could do for him, nothing more.

"I don't know. He was rather young at the time. But the order form says they were bought as a gift for Mrs. Swan. I can't see a child that young plotting murder." Sometimes this honesty business proved inconvenient and yet rewarding. I did not enjoy conveying bad news, but the payoff in keeping Jacob far from her side made it totally fair.

"We found evidence hidden at their gravesite the proved Billy Black was embezzling money. Your Grandfather had buried a box underneath the level of his grave that we found."

"How much money?"

"Millions. Enough to send him to jail for quite some time."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for believing me." I didn't dig up corpses for just anyone, you know.

"Father, Mother, Harry Clearwater and Paula Black told him last night that if he ever took a step near you or your father, we'd turn the evidence over to the police. And we made lots of copies." I could not think of anything else to say so I patted her hand and left for class. Neither, it seems, could she.

Forty minutes later, I looked up from the sink, having just finished scrubbing the expelled detritus from my teeth of this morning's repast. Gulping in shock, I accidentally chomped the toothbrush to pieces and Grace and I noticed the disturbance at the same time.

Immortals were in the area. I could read their minds. They had just entered the edge of my territory, which by the feel of it now spanned seventy square miles. And they were driving fast - immortal fast - in a souped-up 1970's Volkswagon van fast. It even had flowers from the 60's painted all over it with the words, "The Love Wagon Never Ends" painted on the side. They were driving straight to Forks High fast. And I couldn't see inside the tinted windows. And frankly, I didn't care what they looked like at present. Their thoughts were _far_ more disconcerting. And it didn't matter anyway as clearly they were agents of the red-eyed people.

Emmett and Jasper were bickering in English. Rosalie pretended to fret in Calculus. Mary Alice sat by my singer in Spanish. All save my dear little one literally jumped when I blasted the area with waves of power, magnificent examples, might I add? I put up a ring around my shielded singer. The paranormal flames made a loud "whump" as they sparked to life, although the mortal children did not hear or see. Violet Gorgon sure knew how to surprise me. I'd never had predicted she send her minions in such as ostensible fashion.

"Edward, what in the devil is going on?" Jasper managed to sound bored. Was envy of vocal tones in response to crises a diagnosable condition? If so, I needed therapy STAT.

Mary Alice had a vision on that note. One that conveniently showed our arriving immortal guests. And they had dark purple eyes and fish belly white skin, which proved my point. When she snapped out of it, Mary Alice whispered in Saami, "Eight immortals. They'll be here in half an hour. And they're hungry."

"I'm guessing that they do not belong to our church." Rosalie said calmly. Not that we had a "church" but by that she meant they were not vegetarians. The only god Rosalie worshiped was a) the mirror and b) the memory of her human self and the adoration she'd had heaped upon her for her potential to make a big marriage by her parents and, c) her garage.

"You're guessing correctly." Mary Alice answered.

"Anything else? Like do you know if they are the red-eyed people from the Gorgon?" Rosalie continued.

Emmett huffed, "Oh c'mon who else would they be? That mean old biddy threatened to kill us all within a week. And eight arriving all at once? Days after being threatened? Do the math. This sucks. I say we go dig up Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho and have the coffins waiting in the parking lot."

"But Violet Gorgon has not given us further instructions," I tried to calm Emmett. Not that I disagreed with him, but leaving school to dig up corpses that fast might be tricky.

"That's cause you body checked them, Edward. They can't talk to us if they wanted to. And no one ever said she had to, you know. Carlisle said that group hammered body parts to doors with messages."

Well, he did have a point. I'd most definitely have to talk to Hezekiah about that issue. The shaman geezer friends of Hezekiah had been doing their volunteer job for me so I had not felt much pounding beyond an occasional jolt.

"Edward, can your pet read hostility from them?" Jasper barked.

"No. And she prefers to be addressed as Miss Grace." Either they were excellent as masking their thoughts, or we just coincidentally have human dependent vampires showing up in Forks.

"I don't believe in coincidences." Jasper said, mirroring my mind. I hadn't bothered to mask my paranoia.

"Me neither." Emmett smacked one fist into a palm.

Father said from the open cell phone line I'd dialed that the teacher never saw, "Jasper, take your siblings to investigate but remain at school. Edward, wake up the pack and Paula. We may need the reinforcements." Jasper had been tormenting, I mean training the pack in his every spare minute at night, and I'd been keeping them sedated while we were at school, an arrangement that worked for all concerned.

"You're not going to unleash the pack on them yet are you?" Mother asked.

"Not unless it's warranted. But we can't leave Bella defenseless in case this group is a decoy," Father pointed out. Decoy? We could have more arriving? I blared a question to Grace. We reached out our power and felt not a single other supernatural soul, aside from those two that lurked under the farmhouse, that is. I decided in the spirit of fairness that Grace should warn them. It was only polite. Any other immortal that showed up on that land could be spiritual shark food as far as I was concerned. They'd trespassed. That was illegal. The Forks magistrates and I simply had different ideas about the enforcement of misdemeanors. I guaranteed I'd have no repeat offenders with my behavioral management plan. Even Starched Shirt Edward agreed peering up from his re-reading the history of torture used during the Inquisition to root out demons and heretics. Innocent people, too.

"We can't have werewolves showing up to Fork high," Mother said that like we were committing a social sin. Which, actually, we kind of were. There was no "tell no one" law about werewolves in the supernatural world.

"How far away does Miss Grace say they are?" Rosalie asked.

"Ten miles to the south."

One of the neat ideas Rosalie had was to create a vampire pitch ring tone for our cell phones if we needed them to ring without humans being aware. This came in especially handy with Paula considering she was over at Charlie's house keeping his marginal self preoccupied by heroic means as they both had the day off. Rosalie did this without knowing that Paula and I would form a telepathic connection, and I didn't reveal the extent of our range.

"Can you contact Paula?" Father asked.

I didn't want to lie. "We have a shaman mental link, according to Hezekiah. I can send her messages. I have not tested the range." Technically, all that was true.

Father said, "Do it now. I'm sending for the Denalis to come to the house from the reservation. If you have to leave school do so and come straight home. Use Bella's asthma as an excuse. Or her heart."

Mother said, "Rosalie, please call Paula as a secondary measure."

She went to make sure the pack was up. And fed. And worried about their exposure to Tanya and her sisters like all good mothers should. Take it from me; no one was losing their virginity on her watch.

I reached out with my wolf powers and found Charlie blessedly asleep, happily snoring, a worn out smile on his face. Paula came awake instantly, as I said, "We have trouble. Please come to the house. Eight human blood drinking vampires in the area coming to the high school. I'm waking up the pack." She didn't waste time with useless chatter, answered the phone with a whispered, "Be right there," moved out to the back yard after hiding her clothing in a shrub, phased and sprinted. And gracious mercy me, in wolf form, she actually rivaled Jasper in terms of speed. I almost pitied any vampire she chased. Almost.

Jasper sensed my discomfort. "Edward, we have to test whether the ring will hold around the pack and the one you've left around the house. And it could be that Paula might be able to hold it. You won't know until you try."

That was, of course, a good point. I didn't like having to experiment with her life on the line. I'd done it far too often for my comfort of late.

I listened with my thoughts, our new residents planned on hunting human prey. They were hungry. They wanted mortal take out and hoped Forks had variety. Italian? Greek? Chinese? Indian? Norwegian? All in their minds were options. One got all gooey-eyed at the Chilean she had drained the previous week, thinking they had the sweetest blood of them all. Another quibbled that the accountant from Slovenia had been superior to them all. They wondered where would be the best place to discreetly murder a human or six in a small little town like Forks and decided school was a better starting point.

"They're hungry. Jasper hungry type hungry," I said as my family's eyes widened.

The bell rang for lunch. I sped winnowing through the crowds of students impatiently till I reached my human's side. She was talking with her English teacher. I wanted to leave. We all needed to be together in case of an attack.

Mary Alice said, "Edward, you're going to have to get them to stop talking." Blurting out the torrid reading habits of the English teacher wasn't likely to do the job, although her taste was cringe worthy. Instead, I simply took my singer's hand in mine. She started for a second, and turned to me like a plant to the sun. Then, the most amazing thing happened. It was like she read my mind. She smiled. A full glorious smile. It reminded me of the possible vision of my future. It wasn't that good of a smile. But for now it would do.

Jugurtha commented, "Now would be the appropriate time to say nothing, nod at the teacher and take her to lunch." So I did just that. I could follow directions. I even let her lead the way. Control, Rosalie said, and control I would give.

Using Hezekiah's latest lesson, I made sure that my wolf powers did not offer a light show. Now that my family was together, I pulled the ring in to surround only our immediate area. The red-eyed-immortals smelled us as they walked into the school and after filling out their paperwork in the office headed straight for the cafeteria where I sat with my family, my girlfriend at my side. The human blood drinking group's thoughts indicated excitement and confusion, and from the thoughts of the bumbling mortal children they passed, they appeared to enjoy sparking complete mayhem.

Girls' began inhaling in outrage and boys began having erectile problems and stumbling, drooling, too. But it was that other kind of excitement that caught me off guard. I wondered by their strange thoughts if I had stumbled upon vampire prostitutes. Or Tanya's cousins. Or both. Scratch that. Tanya never charged.

When we initially interacted with mortals our predatory charms caused us to attract them. We did our best with icy manners to keep them at bay. No one but I had ever given a human a second thought, and my doing so had been considered scandalous.

But no, these vampires appeared to have those predilections towards humans and took it one step further. These vampires were aroused and not in the way I wanted, if you understand my meaning. Since they couldn't detect anything beyond our scents, nor read anything into them, that suggested these minds were not particularly picky in terms of their sexual partners, regardless of our breeding, manners, appearance, and charm. Again, I wondered if Tanya had cousins. I'd never asked. The minds I reached out to were seven females, and one male. All older than Carlisle.

Ready for battle, we watched with feigned boredom as they entered the cafeteria line and all the mortals, both men and women, stopped and stared. Three boys dropped their trays on the floor. One spilled his drink down his pants, another down his friend's pants, the other down his irate Gym teacher's pants. Then they all stopped and stared again. Not the Gym teacher, who glared at the boys. I thanked God I'd brought the vampire dagger with me.

The tall women were brazenly attired, clothing that skirted the rules of propriety but that was not ostensibly tawdry enough to get them sent home by the cautious Mrs. Cope. Even more confusing, there were seven of the females and they all looked exactly alike. Apparently the vampire world had a set of septuplets. Identical long red-headed beauties who pretended to have violet eyes. And one dark haired male who sauntered at their side coolly examining the human girls, who shivered in his wake. From his mind he appeared to be a breast man. For seeking blood that is. Ew.

Jugurtha said, "So instead of the red-eyed people we have the red-headed ones? That can't be right."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Take our dear little one and run! They want her virtue. And ours. And we just might give it to them."

Jugurtha and I both turned and looked at him lips twitching.

"What? We've been overwhelmed with Satan's minions as of late. You never know what can happen to the flesh when the spirit is made weak. We must be strong! For her!"

Right, keep telling yourself that, my little annoying pipsqueak. "I think you need to go bathe in more Holy Water from Lourdes."

"I can't," he confessed, studying his shoes, wringing his hands. Jugurtha reached into his jeans pocket and retrieved a jet black rosary. "Here, I had one extra for you." Starched Shirt Edward gave a sentimental smile.

"Why ever not?"

"That was our only supply. We've been saving it for a demonic day. Violet Gorgon most definitely qualified when she scarred our flesh, and that of our dear little one." He held up his palms that were also scarred much to his horror. Jugurtha had taken his marks in stride. Poor Starched Shirt Edward had been so afraid it had sent him to bathing in the library in Holy Water hoping they'd vanish.

As we surveyed the opposing side of the room of immortals, we all tensed because we could not have a pitched battle in front of the high school, especially after Los Angeles. And worse, we had a reason to want the children around us to survive. The vampires sashaying into the room had no such motivation, or fear of the Volturi.

Jasper said in Xeta, that dialect from Brazil, "Wait and watch. Act bored." I wondered if this group had anything to do with the spirits that we had met at the farmhouse. From their minds they'd only set foot in farmhouses to eat the occupants, or engage in exercise of an entirely inappropriate nature in barns. Group exercise. And they didn't seem to know the area.

The thoughts of this pack of scarlet lettered women were in theory every bit as bad as Tanya on a tear. Alarmingly, they had the power to loosen those pesky moral convictions that mortals relied upon. And they all decided that we would be perfect for sport in bed. All of us. At the same time. The man, too. And they were every bit as excited about doing these activities to my _sisters _as they were to my brothers. What they had planned for me was every bit as ….let's not go there. It was just wrong. And I was not interested. Or that flexible. Morally speaking, of course. And my singer was hotter. Way hotter. Hotter like not even in the same solar system hotter.

Starched Shirt Edward tugged at my shirt sleeve. "I'm busy at present defending us from hoards of brazen immortals."

"They want to put their lips on our manly parts. Tongues, too."

"I attempted to ignore that observation. You should, too."

"Why?" I almost did a double-take. Starched Shirt Edward giving into sin? Who knew?

"Why what?" Jugurtha responded.

"Why would they want to put their mouth there? And a leather ring? I don't understand. This is so confusing. And they don't even look like our dear little one so we are not interested."

Jugurtha said, "I've got this." Turning to him he said, "I have a research project for you. Let me introduce you to Victoria's Secret and the dictionary of sexual behavior." He led Starched Shirt Edward by the hand to his lair.

I heard Starched Shirt Edward roar in outrage from the cave, "We have no need of assistance for our manly parts. And we have no need of _that_ kind of ring. Shameless females. And we do not have erectile dysfunction. What is that?" He stopped bellowing long enough to ask Jugurtha. Who sighed. And explained some more.

The only thing of interest I heard from the cave was the strangled cry of, "The only woman who will be putting her tongue near our manly parts is our dear little one." Jugurtha slapped him for me and ordered him to pray to the Blessed Mother for forgiveness. He scampered away in a tizzy.

I'm afraid just to repulse my family, I had to share the supernatural sunshine of the new immortal's thoughts. I suppressed the Quileute power lights and beamed the lurid thoughts of the seven women and one male in front of us to my blank-faced family. Casually, I scooted my chair so that my singer was at my immediate left. My siblings were at a table four feet away. I pretended to ask her a question about class, leaning over and putting my arm across her shoulders. She was mine. And this group needed to know it. So I moved a lock of hair away and gave her my most persuasive smile. Part of me wanted to jump up and down and shout when she answered my grin with a timid one of her own. Perhaps I lost my train of thought right then, she had an eyelash that had fallen into her eye and immediately began blinking trying to remove it.

"Allow me," I said as I put my fingers on the side of her cheeks. I didn't think it would feel all that pleasant if I sterilized my finger using one of the alcohol swabs that I had stuffed in a pocket in case we had to give her an epi-injection and then rub her eye with said sterilized finger. And I cursed myself for my eagerness as I was worried, my family as well, as were our visitors that I'd poke out her eye. It took nine seconds but I managed to win the skirmish with the straying eyelash. Mary Alice occasionally wore colored contacts and always carried eye drops with her to complete the appearance of being human. She fumbled inside her backpack and pitched them across the space for me to give to my girlfriend. With a whisper of thanks, she took her time about putting in the drops. I used her preoccupation to turn back to our visitors. The floozy family.

And Jasper did not enjoy have other immortals attempt to toy with his emotions, Mr. Pot calling the Cauldron bottom black, so he sent a wave of what I jokingly thought of as de-lust at the flock. They seemed to deflate, confused.

"Well hello to you, too, darling. I'm Mary Sue newborn, and this is my brother Laurent. These are my sisters: Addie Mae, Mattie Jo, Ella Joy, Betty Ann, Carol Lynn, and Dallas Faith."

"What an unusual choice of surnames. It's so literary." Mary Alice commented.

"We liked it. We insist that the letter "n" be lowercase to make it more distinctive." Mary Sue declared. Distinctive to whom? School administrators world wide? The key was to blend in, not stand out. They would not last two days without killing someone. Then again, that kind of sort of was the plan.

Jessica Stanley craned her neck so hard to get a look at the show as she walked she didn't see the school's quarterback who she also stalked, Alan Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson was frozen by lust in his tracks and was not prepared for a Stanley interception as she crashed her food against his back. Spaghetti stains are hard to remove from white fabric according to the horrified thoughts emerging from Jessica. So is blood, little Sheepheaded Simpleton. So is blood. And the newborns wanted yours. And drat it all, I couldn't let them have it, due to her mother and that tombstone business. Fate hated me today, I thought as I all but cuddled my nervous singer to my side.

Mary Sue spoke in a marginal southern drawl that made Jasper's lip curl as he didn't like bad impostors combining Hungarian and Alabaman accents. Her sisters simpered in tandem. And of them, Mary Sue appeared to be the one who had the collective brain. They were older than Father by a century. And really thirsty.

Rosalie hissed in Xeta, "That last name sounds like a stripper name. Beginners. Newborns indeed. I'm so going to kill them as soon as school is out," She gave them her third best fake smile. They never noticed it was not genuine. How they'd lived this long was amazing. They clearly had the survival instinct of a dodo bird. Violet Gorgon could not have sent these unless she meant them as a distraction. I sent that thought to the family. Jasper agreed texting Father to be on guard. The pack patrolled the borders of our land, eager to fight.

At the word stripper Emmet remembered where he'd seen them vampires before. From his thoughts, his wife was most definitely right. Apparently one of them had participated in the production of a motion picture that denigrated and oppressed women the world over by engaging in intercourse on camera. With Laurent. And multiple co-stars. Emmett had the movie saved to his email account and would watch it from time to time based on his guilty thoughts as an immortal film so bad it seemed human. It was, I snorted, in his collection of bad examples of pornography file. Of course he was never looking at Laurent. Just the female. For research purposes I'm sure.

Betty Ann's eyes landed on my girlfriend who did not notice the supernatural hissing and spitting going on at full blast around her as the newborns sat at a nearby table and stared at her. She wondered mentally in Hungarian if my singer was my new pet and if she could get in on the oh my …..that woman …NO. And that's final. She noticed the odd lights beaming from my singer's clothes and decided we'd done something with her while fornicating that she'd never heard of but definitely wanted to learn since that color of violet went well with her eyes.

These women need to collectively get a clue. They were Jessica Stanley stupid.

I cared not which gender these hoydens slept with on a regular or irregular basis, or whether or not they elected to film it for filthy lucre. They weren't getting their clutches on my manly parts. Or hers. Not that my girlfriend had manly parts. I'd personally inspected just the other day. Twice. For moral purposes, and professionally, of course. And they weren't taking one lick near me. Or my manly parts. And I did not require those kind of rings, thank you very much. They would interfere with that whole earth shattering part of my repertoire.

Things appeared about ready to ignite when they first encountered my wolf ring. Not that kind of ring you degenerate. Power wolf ring. They couldn't go forward but definitely felt that power blocked them from moving in that direction. Lots of power. And mentally, in their confused minds, Mary Sue with the hive brain decided that perhaps caution was warranted as she couldn't figure out which one of us was doing that thing but she liked it because it vibrated against her…..dear sweet Jesus. So she made sure to stick her chest out even further and then tried to move her…..mere words cannot even begin to convey the shameless behavior of this Jezebel. Or the stares she attracted doing it. Seven boys hyperventilated.

Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder clearing his throat. Repeatedly. With a sharp finger.

"What? I'm rather occupied at present saving the virtue of everyone."

"Ordinarily, I believe that women should be treated with gentle hands. In this case we have to be firm with these…..hussies. I suggest you alter the power so that it is uncomfortably warm. Our kind doesn't like extreme heat." Good point. It triggered the predatorial fear of fire. He must have taken a break from apologizing to the Virgin Mary by thinking of his Spanish Inquisition research.

So I shut my eyes for a brief moment and experimented. Nothing happened. So I tried again. This time it seemed by exerting just enough effort to give me a migraine that I could alter the nature of the barrier. My head fell to rest on my singer's shoulder for a moment. I needed the contact to control the pain. And she didn't seem to mind. I had to be careful to make sure it didn't hurt my siblings but didn't want to tip the flock of scarlet vampires, which actually proved worthwhile as Mary Sue leapt back in a huff.

They all thought Rosalie was the source of it, since apparently I didn't look old enough to do more than drool, and a well timed disdainful sneer on the part of my sibling. One of the stupider ones, Dallas Faith, thought Rosalie did it as a sexual invitation. Morons. newborns indeed. And as a matter of fact it was her stage name from pornographic films she'd made. In the name of supporting my sister and not outing Emmett, I shared that little nugget of information in the Xeta dialect. I somehow doubted their dainty little toes had ever set foot in the wilds of Brazil. There were only trees out there. Lots of them. And animals. No fornicating with people unless you wanted indigenous ones. Never mind. They'd probably done a world tour of every country. But they didn't understand Xeta. Thank goodness.

Mary Sue gave an not even close to Tanya-esque grin of wantonness and said at vampire pitch, "Which one of you naughty ones needs a spanking? Or two? Hmmm? That feels so good. We only want to play. We promise not to bite. Much."

She said that last part lustily to Mary Alice. And Emmett. Well, his manly part anyway. And Jasper. And Rosalie. And me. And my girlfriend was ignored because she couldn't hear at that level and we were all pretending to chatter anyway about the weather. Fine. I was sitting there saying nothing like a lump of clay trying my best to shield the family. I couldn't talk even at the best of times. And now I couldn't talk and save their lives at the same time. I had priorities. So, too, did my family. Their mates sat up straighter. I cannot verify what the manly parts of aforementioned mates did because I may have been immortally observant but even I had limits. Ten human boys fled the room holding their hands over their …..never mind. From reading the hissy fits breaking out in Rosalie's and Mary Alice's minds, the newborns' lewd behavior did not bode well. That's why I failed to catch the next offensive comment.

"And who is that pet?" Mattie Jo crooned at vampire pitch, licking her lips at human speed.

"She's not a pet."

Raising my head, I said that simply at vampire pitch squeezing her shoulder. My girlfriend, that is. Squeezing the shoulder of one of the newborns, I hypothesized, would most likely result in being turned into the vampire equivalent of a chew-in-all-the-deviant-ways-their-limited-imagination-could-come-up-with toy. And that was wrong, I sniffed. Because the only one who'd ever be chewing -er caressing her with my lips only most certainly would be me. Not the newborns. Hussies Galore. I avoided wincing as the third one from the right winked at a female teacher and caused the woman to faint, due to a heart condition. Literally.

As the computer science teacher landed slumped against a table overturning several trays of fake Italian cuisine on top of shocked teenagers, the one to the left of Mary Sue exposed her breasts that I avoided seeing at a gangly basketball player who unfortunately did not.

Mr. Exposed to Lewd and Disproportionate Jiggly Parts tripped and went feet flying into the air. Size 18 quad E battleship-sized shoes in the process went up the back of the skirt of the frumpy girl who was walking in front of him with her lunch tray minding her own business as frumpy girls should. The force of his feet sliding up the back of her long skirt and into her undergarments caused her to fall backwards. Like the proverbial human skidding on a banana peel, he flopped through the air. And his head hit the ground with a loud thwack and blood began to flow on the cracked linoleum floor. I heard her shriek words to the effect of "Ouch. My gracious mercy that is so cold" and think, "I picked the wrong day not to wear tights." She also offered numerous prayers to God to kill her on the spot. I could have told her that there really were fates worse than death.

Frumpy and Scarlet-Faced Girl was now squealing with shame, her back arched over his tombstone-sized feet, helplessly tangled, and batting away hands that tried unsuccessfully to assist her to stand. Mr. Exposed to Lewd and Disproportionate Jiggly Parts was out cold. All 6' 7" and 275 pounds of him. Humans had the most curious practices. Emmett mentally started evaluating said trampire-want-to-be-in–training as chaos bounded through the room. Jasper's eyes started glazing over as the waves of blood began to tempt him. He, in turn started sending out all those waves of desire, and wanting, and hunger. Lots of hunger. I realized we were most definitely under attack. From the newborns.

Did I neglect to mention they were hungry in more ways than one? Having them radiating lust and blood lust and Jasper absorbing aforementioned lust, blood lust, adding in his own blood lust, and then beaming all those complicated emotions out to the cafeteria caused an instant commotion as people started reaching for each other's food and stuffing their faces. Or kissing the person next to them passionately while reaching for food. Regardless of whom they were. Alas, their powers did not work on my girlfriend who blinked in confusion around her. And at me.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I said at vampire pitch to Emmett in Xeta, "Summon Tanya and her sisters." I had now sunk to new levels. We needed Tanya to come and out-hoyden someone. Tanya liked a challenge. I was living proof. From the sounds of the humans around me, I could see this was going to be a memorable day. Pretending to stretch, I inhaled with joy, as I turned on my powers, and hurled them colorlessly across the room. If they wanted chaos, I would be delighted to feed their appetite. And I didn't mean to brag, but everything about me supernaturally speaking was bigger.

**Please review before the newborns descend. Wait. Scratch that. They're up next. But please review anyway. It amuses me. And I write faster when inspired.**

* * *

**AN: I did warn you that you would need seat belts for this section. I'm not done yet. I haven't even gotten warmed up.**

**Snarky Summary: Edward suffers a bout of jealousy embroiled in a love triangle between Bella, himself, and his shirt, which she clutches in her sleep like a blankie when he sneaks out of bed and the house, for Bella's life needs fixing purposes, of course. The Denalis come to Forks to help plan the world domination campaign of the Cullens. Lady Karma visited the impetuous and sadly unlamented William M. Black, esquire, with butterfly kisses. Paula played show and tell. Paula won. John Quill played judge and jury and made Judge Judy seem boring. Judge Wopner, too with his ruling. Edward has a dream about Horatio, his best friend from his human life. Bella wakes up with Edward's shirt in her death grip and jumps to the wrong stripper-gate conclusions. She thinks she well….mere words can't say it. *blushes* Rosalie orders Edward to aid his girlfriend in feeling like she has a sense of control in her life. Speaking of control, or the lack of it, Edward senses a unique bunch of red-eyed-people speeding for the school. Now you all remember I promised at the beginning of this story that I would not be feeding the books back to you, right? Raise your hands anyone who saw me doing that with the newborns? And the devil most definitely made me name a character Mary Sue. I wasn't going to write my newborns as just any other Mary Sue immortal. Although I kinda sorta did. And didn't. The newborns attack Forks high school and Edward summons Tanya and her sisters to the rescue. Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the Human Turns."**

**Starched Shirt Edward would like you to know that the patron saint of prostitutes is Saint Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus.**

**Saint Nicholas is claimed by more groups than any other saint and is a very busy man indeed, he is also the patron saint of children due to that whole gift giving tradition he began when he threw money through the window of a man who had three daughters and needed dowries to save them from being forced into the world's oldest profession. He is also the patron saint of Russia, Turkey, Greece, and Grooms. And of Merchants, Pawnbrokers, and Thieves.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Dream Edward says Starched Shirt Edward clearly needs to get laid. Not that he is. But he has a better chance with that Bella. Oh. Wait. They just started fighting. Now Main Edward is mad. Nobody talks about…his…girl…his..wom…his sin….his drat it all HIS. She's HIS.**


	38. HOD pt 27 Oh, the Depravity!

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta. **

**And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills. How she spoils me.**

**Um, all I can say in reaction to the last chapter is I'm humbled. Thanks to all who read and thanks to all who offered feedback. Shout outs to my muses: Wanderer417, tazz, jaijaimays, MiaCullen, Khadijadaw, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, Anais Mark, Valeira, blue2185, MLogan, Emily1672, Pillowbiter, chloe9, nofangsallowed, lea2009, SueBob, Pomme_de_terre, fanficreader83, jenejes, Mizra, Elphabacy35, Sariedee, pclo, lisamackb, NightCullen, June, Merrisol, Rgwmnks, Sonecrackle, Duckiclover, Azrielstar, tapiana, oncebitten, Notmyself, Sheeijan, Squarepancake, Robs_Muse, Sweetswirlypop, LJSummers, Maddy Green Eyes, dellatwi, BellaS, Disney Vampire, Redsoxlove, teeheeitsme, JustJasmine, Gwen69, Miss Poison, JlJohnson, Merciless Vixen, Rebeka13, .Yamii.16, Pamela J. Austin, Angelbach, Forest Sentry Koneji, Codelina, Mamato, Viridis73, CullenPearl, Ldybnny, TwilightMomofTwo, CindyWindy, Mutt N. Feathers, Luv4edwardcullen, PurpleMadDragon, RedneckAngel, Amortentia_4u, and Solenoidbella.**

**Sorry there was a delay, the scene with Tanya, Irina, and Kate that I initially wrote, I didn't like. It didn't meet my "that's just so wrong" meter. So I tore it out and started from scratch. I like this version much better, and hope you do as well. **

**The things you need to remember from past chapters for this chapter are: first, Bella is non-confrontational - she still hasn't talked to her Father or Mother about that whole lying to her about her injury issue. Second, Mary Alice told Edward that Bella could never get into a van with Tyler Crowley and the vision she showed him cause him to blow up bridges in ire. Third, Sue and Harry pointed out on their visit to the Cullens that Bella is not a "touchy" person and they can't believe she allows Edward to touch her. And Edward has been awfully touchy by his standards in the last chapter. Using the wolf powers causes Edward extreme pain and he's having to multi-task and keep a firm hold on his stress level because if it goes out of control, so too do his powers.**

**The newborns created utter chaos with their arrival at Forks' high. In desperation, the Cullens summoned Tanya, Kate, and Irina for technical tramp support. Edward is terrified his soul-scarred singer will attract undue attention resulting in unpleasant conversations with Italian immortal officials. The Cullens are trying to determine if the newborns are the first wave of Violet Gorgon's insidious attack. She still hasn't called. Or written. The wench. And so we begin. I feel the need to warn you that this chapter contains mature content. Really mature content. Starched Shirt Edward is shrieking in outrage kind of content. Jugurtha, however, thinks it's totally hot. Just sayin'**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Twenty-Seven: Oh the Depravity! The newborns and Tyler Crowley must die! Not necessarily in that order.**

There. Delighted to be of assistance, I acted. Now that was an appropriate show of force. I sent a wave of energy in Jasper's direction as he and my siblings stood across from the newborns ostensibly greeting them. I recalled Hezekiah had claimed I possessed the ability to decrease blood lust in proximity to my girlfriend. Since Jasper and the hungry newborns were awfully close to said girlfriend in immortal terms, I acted to protect her. And the Quileute spirits graciously obliged as I zinged another blast toward my errant sibling. Even better, seeing as the bleeding too much by hungry immortal standards unconscious male, Mr. Exposed to Disproportionate Jiggly Parts on the floor, was part Quileute, doing so ensured protection for his sake as well. I thought it signified an even deal. She and he both received supernatural protection along with all the other mortals in the room.

And like flipping a switch, accompanied by the not so gentle clap of Emmett's rib-cracking one armed man pseudo-embrace, my emo brother's gift stopped gadding about inflicting mixed emotions on the environment. Instead, his formidable pride sparked to life.

Mary Sue newborn thought, _"Oh, I'm totally staying here. Our powers seem to agree with the locale. I think we've become stronger! I can't wait to do this again!"_ The others mirrored her attitude. Idiots, every one. Unless Violet Gorgon was an evil genius, who kept idiots on beck and call, these women, while irritating, would not be a pile of ashes any time soon. Unfortunately.

Adopting a tranquil expression that I knew meant he was certainly up to no good, Jasper angrily mastered himself. Then he sent enough waves of peace and remorse and forgiveness and serenity to have the room holding hands and caroling kum-by-yah. Lauren Mallory decided to forget she had been trying to both eat and kiss a potted rubber tree that sat near the window. Jessica Stanley enshrined for all time the memory of kissing Ben Cheney while trying to inhale his masticated spaghetti that was in his mouth. And now on her tongue.

Erik Yorkie definitely wanted to develop amnesia as he had found himself lurching back from the smiling Emily Banks. He mentally chanted, "I am gay. I am gay. I am not attracted to that girl. Even if she is pretty. And nice. I am gay. I am gay." He vowed to renew his subscription to the Advocate. Whatever that was. I didn't know he intended on pursuing a legal career. Who knew? Then he started having thoughts about Jasper's backside. He convinced himself that his brief embrace of Emily Banks helped keep his private life private as it should be. And agreed to take Emily out to the movies that night. Humans.

Mary Alice hissed at her mate in Xeta at vampire pitch, "Jasper, please don't make the room too relaxed or all hell will break loose again with the newborns."

Always thinking ahead, that one.

The newborns didn't like us speaking in languages they could not comprehend. In response, they started speaking Russian amongst themselves thinking, of course, we didn't know that tongue. Morons. We all exercised massive self control and refrained from correcting their grammar. And accent.

It took a minute or two, but the humans, as orchestrated by Jasper, were too calm to be horrified at whose food they'd recently grabbed or face they'd kissed. The gossip fallout would keep them occupied for hours. Wide-eyed, Rosalie blinked innocently at the stupefied school nurse who had come to assist the bleeding basketball player and said, "Mrs. Ottel, I think we just saw emotional contagion, right? I learned all about it on Dr. Phil." She hoped that by the end of the day the administrators would have a nice explanation for the bizarre behavior and could simply forget it ever happened, ascribing it to a fluke.

I reached out with my senses to look for Tanya, Kate, and Irina. They had decided to take Billy Black on a drive and when the film clips from my sisters and brothers arrived, had parked the car to stare in fascination at their phones. Even the overly sedated Billy had complained peeking at Irina's Blackberry, "Those leech whores should not be running loose in that school. Why are you picking on me when they need a lesson in manners?" Silently, he wondered if that last one on the end. Her face looked familiar. That absolutely confirmed in my mind how stupid these women were, if Billy had them in his pornography collection.

Tanya responded with, "They haven't threatened to murder anyone my family cares about Big Boy."

"I never threatened to harm anyone."

"No, you just planned on killing Charlie and Bella Swan and possibly Jacob if he got in the way."

"Why would you care about humans? You're blood suckers." He sounded indignant at the universe.

"True. But those Swan humans have been claimed as family according to the treaty. And we'd have to get involved if they were harmed. Because that makes them my family, too."

"You have no proof I meant to harm anyone," He slurred. Clearly he was overly medicated. We needed Jasper to visit him again. Perhaps Paula, too.

"So you were collecting all those sperm samples to impregnate whom, precisely, William?"

"A surrogate."

"Uh-huh, one named Bella Swan." He appeared pole axed.

"No, I was going to use another woman I found on the internet."

"We searched through your computer files Billy. You've been digging through the Swan's trash trying to track Bella's fertility cycle. We found the records." This was news to me and I decided he most definitely was going to die. Plans be damned. No one dug through my singer's trash. No one but me. And he definitely was disgusting because he actually stole the trash and handled her……I lacked the words to express my ire. I had simply studied it, for research purposes of an entirely other nature.

"So I thought she'd make a good surrogate. That's no crime," he whined.

"It only takes one single sperm to accomplish that job, Billy, not thousands of vials." He looked away from the merriment on her face, reddening. "And we most definitely know that Bella had no idea of your plans. Did Jacob?" Billy's trapped expression answered that query. "You bring an entirely new meaning to the term "fatherly love," my cute little eunuch."

Kate picked that moment to say, "Billy, you're starting to smell awfully tasty right about now. How about not making a peep while we watch these films? We're overdue for a luncheon." He blanched and stared at the phone again.

"Who are they?" He thought they looked familiar. And seemed to have short-term memory problems.

"They are new immortals to the area who are apparently causing chaos at Forks."

"Why don't the others stop them?"

"Because they don't want the children harmed. Right now they are negotiating like civilized beings."

"I have cousins in that school. I demand you remove those blood suckers." Now he cared about his relations? If I hadn't seen the evidence myself, I'd have sworn he was a woman he acted so contrary. Then again, he was drugged, which possibly explained why he was repeating himself.

"William, what was that Kate told you about remaining silent? Thinking here." Tanya cooed. She said in Latvian to Kate and Irina, "This has to be that group we've been hearing about that has been impersonating us. I think we definitely need to teach them a lesson."

"Shall we kill them?" Irina asked hopefully. Blood thirsty, that one.

"No," Kate said, "They haven't really caused harm to our reputation since most people laughed at them. And they only harmed humans, not immortals. I vote to make them suffer rather than kill them."

Irina grumbled, and stared at the film on her phone.

"Sister dear," Tanya tapped her nails on the steering wheel, "We might be attacked by an immortal force in a few days. We need to make sure that this isn't the first wave. And if it is not, then we need them on our side. If the newborns die in combat, so be it."

"What will we do to convince them to fight?"

"The usual."

"Oh. Excellent. I can't wait." Irina positively beamed. Then she turned to Billy. At the expression on her face Billy soiled his diaper and fainted.

Kate tsked at him and said, "How did he manage to kill so many people considering he faints at the mere sight of teeth?"

"He's ingenious at being stupid and surviving, which gives him something in common with the newborns," Tanya snorted. She turned the black BMW around and stomped on the accelerator. "Kate, love, please text them all that we will be there as soon as we can. We have to deposit William at home before we come to play."

"Can't we just leave him by the side of the road? It's not like he's going anywhere." Irina complained.

"Our cousins want him to live and suffer, and _that _could kill him since his legs don't work. With his luck he'd be eaten by animals. I don't want to disappoint Jasper and Carlisle. So patience. We'll get there."

"Why can't we see Edward's human?" Kate asked.

"Because they don't intend on turning her, for one thing. Carlisle also knows that I would ask her all sorts of questions which might frighten the dull thing to death. And that might put Edward in a snit."

"That doesn't explain it. We go around humans without being detected all the time. And you have enough self control to not question her. And our cousins have left her out of the films they've sent," Irina noted.

"True. We'll have to look into that as well. I suspect it can't be good, whatever Carlisle is not saying. He could be trying to shield us, the daft man." Tanya floored the pedal to the floor at the car zoomed toward Forks. "Hang in there, dear cousins. We're coming to play," Tanya sang. And grinned. "And I can't wait to meet the newborns." Mary Alice hissing at me at vampire pitch to focus pulled me back to the cafeteria and the chaos within.

While nodding at the distracted school nurse in support of his mate, Emmett said at vampire pitch in perfectly pronounced Oscan to the newborns, "I'm Emmett Cullen. This is my mate Rosalie. Alice and Jasper are mates, and this is my brother Edward and his girlfriend Bella. This is a no-hunting humans ground. Eyes on me there, big guy. Focus," he said. Sharply, he snapped his fingers in front of the male immortal's face. Laurent drooled over the fallen and unconscious and bleeding basketball player, and planned a quick trip to the nurse's office. He grew irritated at being told what to do by this "lumbering cretin" who dressed like a common laborer and he felt distressed at hearing the ambulance arrive. That was his lunch!

Three female teachers had to be summoned to assist the young lady whose undergarments were tangled with the unconscious athlete's shoes, because the elderly petite nurse could not handle it on her own. Poor Frumpy Girl hyperventilated, and at an elbow from his mate, Jasper zonked her with an extra dose of kum-bye-yah. I expected to see little birds chirping in circles around her head as Frumpy Girl slumped with a dreamy smile plastered on her face. The entire basketball team materialized along with a few bulky football players, because the paramedics could not lift him from the floor. It took eight of them and a pair of scissors deftly handled by a discreet teacher to disentangle frumpy girl from unconscious boy, lift the fallen player, and transport him to the waiting ambulance. They reminded me for a moment of those cartoons that showed ants creeping along carrying a human sized silver platter with delicious looking food. Wait. Stop that thought.

I swallowed a mouthful of venom. He was not food. That was Fred Wayland, forty-second cousin thrice removed to Hezekiah. With the departure of Mr. Exposed to Disproportionate Jug---I mean Jiggly parts; the students became occupied with cleaning up the area around them, avoiding eye contact with one another. The teacher with the heart condition that had fainted had been evaluated and had decided to lay down in the teacher's lounge for a while. Two colleagues assisted her from the room. Another searched through her purse for the medication bottle she required. Steaming over the spilled milk on his trousers, the gym teacher went around the room helping straighten tables and ensure the children were unharmed. He wondered in his mind, _"What the hell was that?"_

Mary Sue inwardly sighed, _"These infants can't stop us. And they were turned improperly as their eyes are funny – or else they have poor contacts. And the one sitting by the drab immortally marked human needs a haircut."_ Considering the foolishness of her thoughts, the scary thing is that she actually seemed to be the smartest one of the flock. And I most definitely took exception to her incorrect evaluation of my lovely girlfriend. So I shared her naïve musings with my family using my powers. I scanned their minds to detect the presence of the Gorgon. My siblings looked at me in expectation and I sadly shook my head, "no". Sadly, because that meant we couldn't kill them, at least right away, while holding the moral high ground. These were too young to associate with the haughty Gorgon and her kind. And their minds were too easy to read, their pasts, as well. I continued sending their thoughts to my family. Who agreed. Jasper was exasperated saying under his breath in Tagish, the language from South Yukon, "We do not have time for this. And they could be dupes."

"Although the term infant might be accurate describing us compared to your age, we actually can stop you," Mary Alice replied in lilting tones, "seeing as we can read your minds and the future, and your gifts don't work on us. Our irises are from drinking animal blood." She managed to gloss over the whole Jasper beaming lust to everyone and confusion – and the newborns in their stupidity decided with excitement that _their_ own powers must have grown. And they believed those odd vampires were so lying their tongues off. Since they were not mentally linked, they had no idea that we had been accurate in reading Mary Sue's thoughts. And Mary Sue wasn't telling. She, too, thought it was a lucky guess on Mary Alice's part. One cracked her knuckles in anticipation as she put down her tray. They took seats at a table across from my siblings. To the humans watching it all appeared friendly.

Angela walked by and waved at our table as my girlfriend smiled in response. Miss Webber passed in close proximity to the newborns. One of the slatterns seated at the end of the table nearest the path humans walked, Carol Lynn, actually tried to reach out and fondle poor Angela as she passed. I couldn't have that. Without moving a muscle, my Quileute powers mysteriously forced themselves into being as I pled in my mind for aid from the spirits. Using my gift, I jerked Carol Lynn's chair back at the exact second the aforementioned newborn trollop's hand would have made contact at supernatural speed and much against her will made her hand rest flat on the table while glowing green. Snapping her fingers, Mary Alice said, "See? Saw that one coming a mile away." Carol Lynn stared at her chair as if it had grown feet and gaped at her still glowing to immortal eyes palm. Her sisters realized one of us had the power to move objects and thought that was so hot and they couldn't wait to see, sexually speaking, how they could use it to play. Considering everyone was occupied with pretending the past five minutes hadn't happened, none of the humans noticed anything different about our table.

Jasper said softly. "We don't touch humans like that here, either. It's rude unless they ask, and vulgar doing it in public. And you'll stand out." He was playing it mild. "If you would like to visit the local hospital, the leader of our coven works as a surgeon. He can supply you with fresh bags of human blood. Or if you are especially hungry," the entire deluded family nodded eagerly, "we'll send for some to be brought for you. What brings you to Forks?" Jasper began his questioning in a deceptively mild manner. That smile of his was potent. Offering them blood a master stroke of evil. And, of course, he actually meant to do so as he texted Father. Four of the newborns started fanning themselves at the sight of his pearly teeth and fast fingers. Two of them chirped in their pea-sized brains that they were going to have to change their thongs. That proved my point as to their stupidity as clearly the women all wore patent black leather high heeled shoes, and I saw no sign they carried extra pairs with them. Marcia had explained female footwear to me.

"Miss Marcia also explained to us female undergarments. Remember?" Jugurtha said over his fifth best leer. Oh. Right. Ew. This was the part that I would ordinarily start tuning out, whistling something irritating to ignore the most unwelcome observations of extravagant and, might I add, disgusting detail. I much preferred bikinis and boyshorts. None of that thong business for my girlfriend. It appeared painful, not to mention unhygienic. And with her bad luck, she might be required spontaneously to burst into fits of fleeing from fleet footed purple-eyed red-eyed immortals. A thong would surely make simply movement uncomfortable. We couldn't have that even if they would show off that birthmark----never mind. Emmett thought in his mind, "This wolf gift of yours is kinda cool Edward. Even though I know it disgusts you, we need you to beam their thoughts to us. It'll confuse the heck out of them." Duly inspired, I focused on aiding my family. Oh the sacrifices and torment I endured for their sake. And hers.

"You are ogling them," I scolded Jugurtha, who leaned against the wall fiddling with his nails.

Without breaking his stare he shrugged his shoulders. "It's a free country, and they are most definitely giving handouts. I may be on a diet, but that doesn't mean I cannot appreciate the menu."

Mary Sue's dulcet voice drew me back to their parlay. "We heard the weather was ideal for blending in with humans. We're tired of the night. We were in Nevada before."

I gathered from Betty whatever's mind that one of them had slipped and had drank her latest human conquest dry. Ella Joy apparently became a bit too jubilant while working as a showgirl with her choreographer. They'd had to burn down the entire showplace to hide the evidence. Which seemed an awful lot of effort to go to for one 120 pound male. Haven't they ever heard of hiding the bodies in the desert? Vultures needed food, too. Were they excessively foolish when they were mortals? Given how ruthless the Volturi were, how were they even alive?

"They definitely look like the type who would take their clothes off in Las Vegas,"

Starched Shirt Edward's scathing glance surveyed them like a clergyman sitting in a den of iniquity. In this case at least, he was right. These tramps made Tanya seem like haute couture of vampire trashy behavior.

I couldn't let Starched Shirt Edward know he was right and had to tease him. "Since we've never been inside or watched one of those establishments how would you know?" I goaded him. "And you are having impure thoughts." He shifted from foot to foot but held his place by grinning Jugurtha, who watched the chaos unfold like a gourmet appreciating a feast.

Mary Sue's slumberous gaze landed on my human and I heard her thoughts, _"Humans have the attention span of a fruit fly. I've never seen one that was constant. More fun for me. They'll never last. Mine don't."_ From her mind she thought the truth – her version of it anyway. I could not help it if _she_ lost her appeal around humans. Beauty without brains was dreary. As my girlfriend had both qualities in abundance, I would never suffer that fate. I still had my arm around the back of my dear little one's chair as I toyed with a lock of her hair.

Mary Sue wondered, _"I can see bright color coming from that human. And why does that delectable boy look like he wants to fuse himself to her side? We're far more attractive, experienced, and limber. We could show them all a good time. Wait,"_ she caught sight of my palm, "_he was the one who marked her with his brand. Talk about territoriality. I've never seen this done to a human. I thought him naughty for toying with someone else's snack. But this? And that is a totally cool venom tattoo on his hand, must have hurt to get. Not that I've even considered it but why would he bother to stamp her that much? Humans have the attention span of a gnat in comparison to us." _Shining through her clothing, the gyrfalcons shifted on her glaring balefully at the newborns. FitzCarrion was the only one they could directly see and he snarled when they studied my little bottle cap. How curious. My singer didn't seem to notice at all. The newborns other than Mary Sue blithely ignored the "do not touch" immortal vampire postage stamps glowing out of my girlfriend's clothing.

Brazenly beaming lower level "let's lose our inhibitions" signals like a miniature version of Tanya - and fortunately in my case, a decidedly less powerful one, they addressed us. One of them, Addie Mae, decided she without question wanted to make my girlfriend her new human best friend. Her concept of play time, however, left much to be desired. Scratch that. Would happen on a cold day in Hades. No one played like that with my girlfriend. No one except me. Although in my fantasies she was better portrayed, dressed, and more satisfied than in theirs. They made Mike Newton's depraved visions look eloquent.

Addie Mae sent my perplexed girlfriend a smoldering glance, thinking, "Just because he marked her doesn't mean I can't make him share. She's too delicious looking to waste all on one vampire." I offered Addie Mae an icy "over my un-dead body," expression she seemed to find endearing, as if I were a toddler standing in her way. The other one ran her fingernails languidly down the front of her blouse cooing that "he is just the hottest thing and I can't wait to taste him," out loud. Fine, that's how it was going to be. We were going to involve the humans with verbal out loud sparring? They had crossed the line. The one attempting to influence my girlfriend appeared perplexed that she was not reacting to her waves of lowering inhibitions, or her all but panting on her from five feet away. How hilarious. Emmett pretended they were talking about _him_ as all the fake conversation at the nearby tables ceased and said, "Why, thank you for the compliment ladies, but I am off the menu."

I said nothing, keeping track of the power usage, squeezing the shoulder of my girlfriend in support. The newborns decided they simply needed to try harder. As one of them opened her mouth to speak, I decided to let them see the many power rings that surrounded my girlfriend. And let my head explode into supernatural flame. Ella Joy decided that my human must be some kind of sexual athlete for me to guard her so fiercely and thought I was playing hard to get.

Mary Alice predicted whenever the newborns walked into a room sheer chaos would ensue. Laurent, by her predictions, made Gianni the Groper appear like a nun in church in terms of behavior. And why they didn't capitalize the first letter of their last name was not only un-grammatical but peculiar. This was not helped by their questionable taste in wardrobe which left them shockingly bare. Why not hang a sign around their neck that advertised their rate? Oh, that's right, they typically didn't charge unless the price was a human life.

The coven had long ago discovered they loved having sexual relations and they cared not which gender they engaged in said behavior with as long as they had multiple partners present for multiple sessions. And they had escaped Volturi notice because they were an unclaimed lost coven. From their memories they were not affiliated with the other lost covens, although they had been turned by one. Apparently the immortal had decided they weren't worth the effort to keep. By Volturi law, abandoning a freshly bitten vampire was punishable by death. The lost covens had no such rule. And appeared to be smarter. Being stuck with these tarts for their early years would be a nightmare.

The newborns with their superior view of themselves as sexual public servants reminded me of me at my rebellious years. I had thought I was helping humanity, too. Yet I had never had sexual relations with anyone including, might I add, myself. Back then. And it hadn't mattered to me how many lives I drank, nor did it matter to the newborns how many lives they ruined. Further, it was their lack of discrimination in terms of taste. They were aroused, they claimed, by the fragility of the humans they seduced. And they had to move often because they had accidents from time to time. In their mutual mind, by having sex with humans they were performing a public service – giving their partners the best sexual experience of his or her or their lives – provided they survived without becoming a snack. They definitely needed to be put in a room with Tanya and her sisters.

Speaking of which, the newborns might have been egalitarian in their sexual habits, but they were most definitely not in the 'who gets to become immortal' department. The newborns had _never_ met a human male or female they had wanted to turn, so when some unfortunate soul was bitten, they would finish him or her off, hide the body and leave town. So far they had never been caught. We knew they would not last a week in Forks. Mike Newton would die first. Unfortunately, we had to work to save his life.

Mary Alice thought to me, _"I think they have some kind of gift that keeps them alive as strange as that sounds." _I nodded, as that was the only explanation I could Tyler Crowley had to go and ruin my day. My week in fact.

He desired to enrage the unlovely Miss Mallory and intended utilizing my human as the tool to accomplish this simple feat. Instead of latching onto one of the ever so eager newborns who would have been overjoyed, each last one of them, Laurent included, in assisting Mr. Crowley in his endeavor, he aimed for mine.

I generously permitted him to remain in one piece because unlike Newton, Mr. Crowley actually thought of my human with respect, and I currently had my hands full with the newborns, maintaining the wolf ring at the house, around the pack as well, as Paula barked orders at them to patrol the perimeter and called the retired elders to take positions where they could see anyone approaching the reservation who didn't belong. And I had to keep the barriers intact around my family in the cafeteria as well as the set surrounding my dear little bottle cap as I felt a jolting pain lance through me. Someone was knocked at the door with their usual perfect timing. I begged the geezer shamans for aid. Tyler could sit with us for a few moments. I had priorities. I sagged for a moment against her shoulder. I needed her touch like a starving man requires food. She patted my arm and said, "Headache?"

"Mmm" was all I could say. She reached into my bag and retrieved the fake pain medication – fake by immortal standards, real by human, though. "Here, Edward."

I took the pills she dispensed and swallowed it down, knowing I'd have to regurgitate it later when I had a spare moment or two. Which at this rate would be never.

Besides, beyond wanting to spending time with her pretending to date, Tyler's thoughts were totally consumed with that she-devil Lauren. Also, it might do me good to watch the more socially adept humans dating or attempting to in his case. I know my girlfriend's heart did not race at the sight of Tyler. And he was quite popular in the minds of the young ladies at school. This was a safe experiment to see if she preferred my company. Besides, Lauren, since they quarreled, had behaved insufferably. And Rosalie had said this morning my human girlfriend needed to have a sense of control in her life. I could do that. I inhaled to take in the power of her scent to dull the edge of the pain that swept through me.

My dear little algae lover seemed to have a sixth sense that she was being watched by Tyler. At first she seemed genuinely confused, having been diverted due to the confusion of the newborn's attack. Then wary. I decided I had to help him in his plan as his presence would save me from having to have conversations with my girlfriend while I supernaturally fought. I invited him to join us at lunch when he was standing by our table. She pitched daggers at me with her eyes. I smiled back at her benevolently. I had to show my singer without, alas, breaking any more bones of irritating human males, that she would not be spending time with anyone but me. The newborns tittered at me. I ignored the cretins. Sort of. Fine, at least on this issue. I had lives to save.

In Xeta, I whispered at vampire pitch to Mary Alice, feigning ignorance, "Where is Tanya?"

Glumly, my sister answered, "She texted me that she's an hour away. But they most definitely are coming. I've been sending her film clips from my phone."

I checked in at the house to make sure the pack were still in their cage, I mean, moving around the cottages. They were currently bounding through the woods and arguing over who could stench-splode the fastest. I heard a voice clearing uncomfortably near me and turned to examine my dear little bottle cap who appeared to have coughed. Using my senses I conducted as much of a medical exam as I could get away with in public and found her lungs to be their usual level of wheeziness. She did not have a fever. Nor did she seem congested. I wondered if she was coming down with another illness.

Tyler was oblivious about my relationship with my human. He thought that by inviting him to their table I had given my blessing to ask her on an excursion and that I must have odd space issues as I had my arm around her shoulder. Since he had observed my supply of painkillers on the table, he decided I was simply drugged to the gills. My girlfriend put them away and reached over to the portable chess set I always carried in my messenger bag. She challenged Tyler to a game. Tyler announced, "You like chess? Awesome! I play it all the time." She destroyed him in three minutes. She was far nicer than I would have been in her place.

"So uh Bella, do you want to go see a movie?" he tried to get her to meet his gaze. In vain, of course.

"What movie is the group planning on seeing?" she appeared cautious taking forever to answer him, studying the board.

"Oh it's not the group." He imbued warmth into his tone. How was that different from my voice? Why was he considered better? Wait. He wasn't by the only vote that mattered. She appeared uncomfortable. He lacked my charms, I chortled in glee in the privacy of my thoughts. Even the newborns agreed from their table that he would fail. That was eight votes in my favor. This was totally fair as an experiment. Starched Shirt Edward was too busy praying to vote, and Jugurtha reserved his opinion.

"They always see a movie on Friday night. Is it a smaller group this week?"

"No, uh, they have plans so it's only me. I wanted to take you on Friday. Final Destination 3 is out and the series is awesome. I know you'll totally love it."

My girlfriend blushed and stared at the table. She let the silence stretch out to the point even I felt uncomfortable although I tried to show my support of her with my eyes by keeping them on Tyler to allow her not to feel like she was the center of attention. Seventy-six seconds later she said, "I'm sorry Tyler but I'm going to be busy that night. Thank you for asking, though."

She turned to me and said, "Edward, how is your head?"

"Fine." I answered, as I returned to checking the strength of the rings and searching the minds of the newborns for connections to the Violet Gorgon. I also had to mentally join Grace and scour the area for trace of any other immortals as this definitely could have served as a diversion. I couldn't let my family down. Or my girlfriend.

Tyler continued, "What about Saturday? We could catch a matinee?"

Silence.

"I'll be spending the weekend with family friends." Her blood pressure appeared to be raising. Curious indeed. She was shy after all. This much talking must have been difficult for her. I was proud of her for her improvement in conversation skills. Grace found traces of tracks off to the north. We followed their path and realized they most likely came from the lost coven that guarded my dear little algae lover's farm. And of course, we found their spirits lurking in the cave and informed them mentally of the newborns and their gifts. It was a simple matter of professional courtesy. They'd be on the lookout for other immortals, they insisted. Tyler's wheedling tone and flushing face caught my attention for a brief moment.

"All weekend? Won't they let you out with time off for good behavior?" He laughed at his own joke.

"But I don't want to leave them."

My singer shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I couldn't imagine why. She had already told him no. Perhaps she was simply kind-hearted and felt guilty for embarrassing him in front of me. I noticed she glanced at me once or twice with longer than her usual 2 second gazes. Since she seemed to be managing Mr. Crowley with little effort, I remained silent to show my support and went back to work. She could take care of herself. I was trying not to be possessive and smiled in my munificence. I wanted to show her and my family that she had some control in her life. Or at least let her think it.

Emmett turned from his hissed negotiations with the newborns as he explained the treaty and whispered to me at vampire pitch, "Edward, what the heck are you doing?"

I responded, "I'm sending the newborn's mental thoughts to you, like you asked."

"Not that you oaf. What are you doing with Bella?" he sniped.

"I'm following Rosalie's instructions and conducting an experiment which so far is fascinating." My voice possibly sounded too eager in their minds.

Even Mary Sue shook her head in our direction and made that curious gesture with her palm across her throat in a sawing motion like she was decapitating herself. I wish. Considering she had centuries more experience with humans than I did, I took that as a sign of support as well as her telling Emmett to cease pestering me and return to their parlay. She thought something in her mind about how my drab little human wasn't even trying to make me jealous. See? I knew this would work. Rosalie said to give her a sense of control and I was indeed fulfilling that assignment. Magnificently, might I add?

My sister was currently engaged in a debate with Mary Sue about the appropriateness of their clothing for Forks' dress code. Rosalie insisted they'd be sent home within the hour. Alice mentally predicted they'd be undressed within the hour. Rosalie had time to say, "Not that kind of control Edward. Be nicer," before she returned to arguing about hemlines. Girls. Of all the things to debate at a time like this, they fretted over fashion and paperwork? My family definitely needed my aid. And balancing these wolf powers and communicating with my girlfriend appeared to become easier with practice, I noticed.

Tyler and my singer played again. This time she showed restraint and slayed him in six moves, handily winning again. Tyler broke out in a sweat as he looked into my human's sympathetic eyes. His thoughts amused me. At first, he intended to pretend to woo her with his finesse in the game, after losing two in a row, he decided that his objective of driving Lauren insane could be reached simply by acting nice to my human. As long as Lauren could see him smiling at my lovely little bottle cap from her perch across the room, he thought, his mission was accomplished. He snuck a glance to a hissing Lauren coiled and rattling in her seat. Mr. Crowley might not have been the sharpest tool in the garden shed, but he did understand his occasional girlfriend.

Lauren viewed Tyler's performance seething oily plumes of malice, _"What the hell does he think he's doing with that klutz? And look at her. Not only does she have to have Edward Cullen slobbering on her," _how misguided Lauren was. I could only dream of the day my dear little one slobbered on me. Jugurtha slapped the back of my head and snarled, "Focus," as I returned to Lauren's rant, _"but she wants to take my Tyler, too? I think the whole high school needs to hear that rumor about her having had an abortion of Cullen's brat which is the real reason why she missed so much school. I wasn't getting too many people to believe that leprosy story, anyway. This one sounds nastier. And I gotta keep the attention off of those whores that walked in. I'm so telling everyone they have STD's." _

Lauren required a lesson, I decided. Starched Shirt Edward curled his lip in revulsion and said, "We do not have a problem with her alerting others to the dangers of those diseases, but as for the rest she most definitely must be stopped."

From across the room Jasper hissed, "Edward, Bella is humiliated. And she's hurt. Start talking. Now. Declare yourself her boyfriend, you imbecile." He returned to verbal jousting with Dallas Faith, asking her about her history in Europe.

How could Tyler asking her to a silly talkie motion picture harm her feelings? Human women were so confusing. And the last time I had acted "boyfriendly" in public she had questioned me afterwards on the day of the Clearwaters visit to the house. She didn't want me acting that way before others unless Jacob was present. And my calculations had indicated she had a 96% chance of rejecting him. I had done my homework. How could the odds be in my favor and she be feeling hurt? What did Tyler do to cause her distress? Rosalie had said I had needed to give her a sense of control. Her turning him down would have shown that. I sulked because I couldn't break his legs. Or make him explode. Although I could do other, more creative things.

Jugurtha said, "If you aren't going to lay claim to her, the least you can do is make Lauren suffer." Brilliant. The Lauren suffering part. It's not like I would ever declare myself in front of a whole group of mere humans. That required talking. More than I liked, anyhow. And more than I could accomplish at the moment. Why say words, when I could simply show her?

Talking to my siblings required too much energy. Instead I simply interrupted the flow of the newborns' thoughts to send Lauren's instead. To the fascinated eyes of the newborns, my entire family inhaled in rage and transformed from their friendly façade as they turned at supernatural speed to glare at Lauren.

"I think Lauren should feel a wave of inappropriate lust towards Tyler right about now, don't you?" I predicted at vampire frequency in Sian, a little known dialect from Malaysia. The newborns did not speak that tongue either and Mary Sue wondered what Lauren had done to enrage them. They were kind of scary looking, even if they were babies.

Despite that whole murdering people for decades, Jasper was, at times, a gentleman. And he totally threw all that fine upbringing out the window when he heard Lauren's plans. He answered in kind, "Since it's Lauren and the humiliation potential is high and she has been looking at Alice in a mean way all day, and she's glaring at Bella - I'm about to unleash some major passion on her. Besides, I think our new guests need a proper demonstration of power which they'll think they did since they're so foolish. Batten down the hatches. Lusty Lauren is about to make tongues wag all across Forks." Jasper sounded excited.

He cracked a smile as the entire family hissed at him, "Be careful!" wanting to avoid arousing the already over-sexed newborns.

I kept my face impassive as he thought of the last time he had marital relations with my sister and his signature move with his as she ….. _Why_ was it that Jasper could block out traumatic years from his life and mine were enshrined pristinely for all time? I devoutly wished I could develop selective amnesia.

I pretended not to notice Lauren as her temperature rose and her eyes fogged over with lust as she simpered at Tyler. Lauren's mind could not understand how she could be plotting to kill that Swan – wench, I believe, was the loose translation of the term - one moment and wanting to tear Tyler's clothes off the next. It was time to claim her man, she decided. Standing up and adjusting the straps of her brassiere and smoothing her shirt, and trying to inconspicuously tug on the lower hem of her undergarments with her pinched index fingers and thumbs, she pranced to the table, oozing what she considered to be allure. Frankly her facial expression resembled a constipated horse we once owned, or was it a mule? Definitely a mule. It had become so ornery Jasper had eaten it. Like the cat.

The newborns found fault with her shoes. That was one point in their favor. Carol Lynn said at vampire pitch, "Those pumps are so last season ago." The others nodded, sagely.

Addie Mae said, "Her hair is all wrong."

Mary Sue sighed, "That sour face could frighten vampires."

As Lauren approached our table, blood and lust in her eyes, she planned her verbal assault on my singer. Seeing those new red-headed girls who were all stunning had put her in a devil of a temper. Now she had seven little forces of competition for attention running around, and she couldn't tell them apart. Of course, that meant she had to pick on the quiet girl in order to show everyone who was boss. The table where Edward and the klutz sat was oh so conveniently located to offer a free show for the new kids.

Rosalie turned away from the newborns to say, "Lauren, perhaps you and Tyler can work your differences out so the rest of us can eat in peace. And enjoy the silence."

"It also might help make the wrinkles on your face smooth." Mary Sue added helpfully, as her sisters nodded in unison, before they returned to badgering Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice at vampire pitch. To human ears they were debating the merits of collegiate football.

Lauren was horrified at the idea of having wrinkles, and even more so at having the new girls point it out to her. She had a modeling career ahead of her, she knew she did. Tyler leapt up with an apologetic wince at my human and took Lauren's hand. He said in a wheedling tone, "Honey, let's go out to my car and find your mirror and we'll see if we can see any wrinkles in the sunshine, ok? You know the light in the cafeteria is harsh and makes everyone look all pasty." Clearly, he was well practiced at this kind of thing.

Erik Yorkie snorted to himself,_ "God, I wonder if Tyler is in the closet as well and using Lauren for cover. What straight guy kept multiple mirrors in his car? And I have caught him staring at the Emmett's ass several times. He was definitely an ass man." _

"We find the deer blood quells our appetites and allows us control," Jasper interrupted his vampire pitch speech with a 'pardon me,' and targeted another blast at Miss Mallory. Lauren threw her arms around Mr. Crowley, and planted what she considered to be a scorching kiss on him. Doing a not-so-charming impression of a pelican, she wrapped one leg around him standing there in the middle of the cafeteria. Hopping on the other, she roughly pushed Tyler against the wall with her claw-like appendages.

Starched Shirt Edward looked up from a tome of Saint Thomas Aquinas and said, "She planned on spreading an untruth about our dear little one – a monstrous untruth. I think she should suffer more." He quietly advocated removing her tongue with red hot pliers.

"She appears to be trying to asphyxiate him with her tongue," Jugurtha observed dispassionately. "And you really should ask our dear little one to be your girlfriend. Now would be opportune," he advised, as the newborns studied Lauren with professional accuracy and dismissed her as an amateur.

Dallas Faith thought Lauren needed lessons on the proper use of one's tongue while kissing, and noted Lauren's hands looked crablike as they roamed Tyler's buttocks too quickly by her standards. Once again, that was another point in their favor. The being amateur, not the tongue part. Or the buttocks. I had no interest in Tyler's buttocks unless they were attached to his legs and he was leaving the room. Hopefully, with Lauren. Which at present he wasn't. Drat.

Thinking of that comment about her tongue distracted me. Well that particular part of her could certainly serve as a weapon, or a display in a butcher shop window. Tyler did not seem to mind one bit the idea of his imminent demise.

The Vice Principle, Mrs. Corelli, summoned by the cafeteria staff smartly tapped Lauren on the shoulder and cleared her throat, glaring at the duo. Lauren ignored her (Tyler too) and continued enthusiastically attempting to inhale all the oxygen from his body with her lip lock like a sucking vortex. She had somehow added inappropriate motions with her hips to her repertoire, thanks to another blast from Jasper directed solely at her. Mary Sue sniffed that dreadful human girl couldn't even move her hips properly to entice men, and felt sorry that their out of control powers couldn't have been harnessed earlier in other locations. She couldn't wait to practice more. Jasper's face stayed smooth as I beamed that misguided assumption to my family.

Mrs. Corelli tapped Lauren's shoulder again and said, "Ahem." Without looking, Lauren face palmed her and continued kissing Tyler like her life depended on it. Perhaps Mr. Crowley was unusual for a mortal and could breathe through his ears?

Emmett moved from his seat and happened to catch Mrs. Corelli in his arms. He solicitously inquired, "Hey are you ok, Mrs. Corelli?"

We could smell the blood pooling under her skin and knew she'd have a black eye. Mary Alice ran to get an ice pack from the kitchen, grabbing Dallas Faith by the hand most likely to keep her from misbehaving. Dallas Faith wondered if Mary Alice wanted a quick shag in the kitchen. What did carpet have to do with the current events? Oh. Never mind. Mrs. Corelli appeared quite angry. Lauren and Tyler were still kissing, ignoring the cafeteria that watched them in morbid fascination.

Somebody whispered loudly from the table the school band occupied, "I always thought she kissed like an eel."

Shouts of merriment burst across the room. The bespectacled string bean-thin speaker high-fived the male sitting next to him and both made appropriate masculine grunting noises.

Emmett said to Mrs. Corelli as she lunged, held immobile in his arms, "Um, Mrs. Corelli, Ma'am, would you mind looking at that window for 5 seconds?

"Why would I want to do that Mr. Cullen?" she seethed, reaching for Lauren again.

"Plausible deniability," he stage whispered.

Her hand froze as she pretended to be stretching her arms like a boxer before a round, shrugging off his hands. "Mr. Cullen, as long as no bones are broken, I plan on occupying myself for a minute. Have fun. Don't ruin the new paint job on the walls." She muttered through a fixed smile. She could have had a second career as a ventriloquist.

Mrs. Corelli made a show of dropping her watch on the floor in the direction of the window. As a matter of fact, it almost looked like she flung it. And the watch skimmed across the wooden floor like a hockey puck. She walked quite slowly for Mrs. Corelli's usual marching pace to retrieve her property and stared the students that would have moved from their seats to fetch it for her into sitting like statues. Mary Alice and a sulking Dallas Faith returned with an ice pack and handed it to Mrs. Corelli, "You should put this on your eye, Mrs. Corelli, it's going to bruise."

Mrs. Corelli, who volunteered at the local battered women's shelter, now reached a level of anger that impressed Jasper, who did his best to block her.

Emmett reached over and lifted Tyler from Lauren's death-like maw of horror putting his hands on both of them to pry them apart. Tyler came up, gasping for air. A long trail of drool between the mouths of the would-be lovers - as my brother pried them apart - made the students in the immediate area squeal in disgust. Tyler's arms reached out for Lauren as he cried, "Honey bunch!" Mrs. Corelli all but leapt on Lauren like a linebacker making a sack.

Emmett said to Mrs. Corelli, glancing at Tyler's obvious personal difficulty with his trousers, "If you don't mind, I think our friend Tyler could use some bracing air, and he'll be in your office in," he stared at his watch, "six minutes, won't you Tyler?"

The young Mr. Crowley looked like a doll in Emmett's huge hands. Firmly believing that Emmett might kill him if he disagreed, he nodded eagerly as my brother cheerfully led him from the room by the throat. Lauren wailed, trying to chase, chanting, "Mine. He's Mine!" That woman has possessiveness issues and was making a complete ninny of herself. Mary Alice grabbed her by the other arm, preventing her escape.

My evil in all the right ways sister Mary Alice then said innocently, "Oh gracious, has someone considered testing her for a mental imbalance? She doesn't _look_ like she's on drugs." Then she let go of Lauren.

Tottering in her stiletto heels, Lauren failed to see the applesauce conveniently placed on the floor by a young lady whose lack of physical attributes had been mocked by the shrew the day before. Lauren slipped, fell, and broke a heel. Alas, Mrs. Corelli, when noting Lauren's balance issues had let go of her and delightfully watched her land. Ms. Mallory immediately started wailing about her precious shoes and their untimely demise. She had broken her second pair of Jimmy Choos in a month. I would have to research the subject but she appeared to suffer from an addiction to footwear. The only other case I knew like it was Imelda Marcos. Clearly, a rare neurosis. And now she wore applesauce all over her clothing. Oddly, the smell of apples was not objectionable. Not that they were on her, the smell of them across the room felt pleasant. Lauren continued her wailing, "And the dry cleaners don't get that Armani skirts need special handling. But what could you expect of workers who were confined in juvenile hall?" she sniffed.

Rosalie looked askance at Lauren and said loud enough to be overheard by the entire room, "Good looks wear off, but stupid is forever."

Jasper nodded and said, "I have the suspicion that she'd complain loudly if she was hung with a new rope."

Mrs. Corelli acquired a gleam in her eye, as Dallas Faith lifted Lauren from the floor like a pebble. Leading a limping Lauren out by the arm, Mrs. Corelli announced in an overly meant to be heard by the entire room loud voice, "Lauren, you have earned sixty hours of Spartan service once the police are finished with you." The room gasped. "I'm also going to have to contact Tyler's parents to see if they wanted to charge you with assaulting their underage son. I wonder how you'll fare in the local juvenile hall facilities." The entire room winced. Lauren in jail? No one saw that coming. Sixty hours was unheard of in Forks recent memory. Detention at Forks High was called Spartan service. Usually it consisted of having to help the janitors and perform maintenance work around the school. Mrs. Corelli planned on making sure Lauren had to clean by hand the girls' restroom before and after school every day for the rest of the school year.

Mike Newton with his double-casted legs said, "Can I just say a big thank you to Emmett Cullen? Let's raise our glass in a toast. He just prevented the birth of the spawn of Satan." The entire cafeteria raised a glass and toasted to their dishonor with a rousing, "here, here." When he wasn't fixated on my human, Mike could be amusing with his own brand of Newtonian logic.

My singer had watched the entire spectacle with her hand over her mouth trying not to make any noise. For a moment, when she saw the two lovebirds kissing she had almost appeared sad before her features became aghast. When Lauren slipped and fell, my girlfriend surprised me by appearing concerned for the shrew's welfare. Clearly my idea of her as selfless was justified. Even the sight of someone who had humiliated her suffering social disgrace aroused pity in her. I had no memories of ever being that kind. The Real Me could never compare to such purity.

In her mind Lauren decided this was all that Swan girl's fault for attempting to steal her Tyler. On her way out the door the shrieking Lauren stopped for a second to hiss at a quiet girl, "What are you looking at, you moron?"

My singer winced at the deed.

"Sticks and stones and all," I soothed.

"Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will always hurt you," she answered in a small voice.

Once the hysteria and bonhomie in the room calmed down, I turned to her hoping to challenge her to a game of chess, eager to make up for my inattention. The newborns appeared to be behaving; the rings around the house the wolves and my dear little one remained in place. The pack bounded about happily on our property sniffing away for red-eyed people. And Grace and I could find no other supernatural forces in our territory. My girlfriend was standing holding her uneaten tray in her hands. I stood, as a gentleman should.

"Aren't you going to finish your meal? You need your strength."

"I'm no longer hungry. I need to work on my English paper. See you." She said that so quickly.

She walked eyes down past the table holding my stupefied siblings and steered clear of the newborns and the applesauce on the floor.

Mary Alice said at vampire pitch, "Edward, go after her."

The newborns all followed her path with their eyes as she walked and three of them and Laurent were inappropriately visually fondling her hindquarters. Which was wrong. And that irritated me.

"Why? She needs to concentrate." I left out that I didn't want to follow her like a puppy dog, and appear subservient to a marked allegedly by me human before the newborns. It concerned me to see she refrained from touching her lunch, but I'd see she ate something highly caloric later when we did one of our world vacations after school. I knew full well she'd had a healthy breakfast. Perhaps she was still full from all that food. Besides, I was divinely inspired. I would save the virtue and lives of countless Forks teenagers. And the bottoms of my girlfriend and her friend, too.

Powering up my laptop, with a phony email account, I pretended to be Mrs. Stanley and contacted Mrs. Corelli in concern about a rumor my child had texted me from school. Porn stars that were young enough to pass for teenagers were actively recruiting for co-stars trying to get children to not only strip naked and behave in scandalous manners, and risk their lives, but even worse, to abandon high school. And this parent definitely wanted her daughter to graduate, go to college, and avoid becoming a tart. And the porn stars had to go. Fingers flying in a flurry, I posted that missive with the trace of a smirk. My family and even the newborns wondered at my mirth. I couldn't help if they didn't know I'd just checkmated the newborns. I was modest. Quiet, too.

I tracked my girlfriend's progress as she walked briskly down the hall to ensure no other red-eyed people leapt from behind a trophy case or set of lockers. Her English paper was not due for two weeks. And I had seen her already perusing a completed draft for it the night before. Her devotion to her school work was admirable. I did not understand why working on a paper rather than playing chess with me would cause her discomfort – aside from being deprived of my presence.

And she had not looked me in the eye when she had said her farewell, which she had never done at school. I wondered why her face had appeared so flushed. She didn't have a fever, but her blood pressure was elevated. And she seemed to be walking quicker than her usual careful gait to the library through the school's halls. She had made me so proud in turning down Tyler. Clearly, my plan to let her think I wanted to win her heart was inspired.

My siblings blocked their thoughts and shook their head at me. I paid them no mind. They didn't understand her like I did. She was in control of her life. At least that's what I permitted her to think.

I could not imagine what was keeping Tanya and her sisters from the cafeteria and extended my senses. I had, of course, thoughtfully sent them a copy of the newborns' debut. And they had no idea I was the one who had sent the email as I most definitely did not want Tanya thinking that I watched pornographic films or wanted to correspond with her in any way concerning said films that I did not peruse. Tanya and her sisters had watched the film shrieking in laughter, gawping as Dallas Faith and Laurent writhed like humans covered in mud. Or pigs. They couldn't decide which represented a more apt description of the pair. Billy Black had the brains to appear embarrassed as they genuinely asked why he found something that horrible arousing.

The bell rang ending lunch. The newborns eyed their prey as we all walked to the door.

Mary Alice hissed, "If you take a single bite, we will be forced to act."

"Relax," Laurent said, "We promise we won't drink from them."

They vanished into the crowds and headed for the empty gym, delighted mortal partners in tow.

Emmett thought to me, _"Edward, as much as I hate to ask you to do this, I'm going to have to insist you watch and show us what happens to make sure no one gets bit. We can't interfere without a fight at this point."_ I sighed in response. The sacrifices I made of my dignity for my family. Starched Shirt Edward blinked up from the Bible and spluttered, "They actually want us to watch those strumpets fornicating?"

"Yes." Jugurtha said, "For moral purposes, of course."

"What possible purpose can lurking like a pervert and witnessing such deviancy serve?"

"We're going to use our powers to make sure the humans don't die."

"Oh. Well. Oh my. Can we do this with closed eyes?"

"No." Jugurtha pushed Starched Shirt Edward towards the prayer bench and said, "I think you should pray for the power of chastity to be granted to these mortals and for them to accept our Dear Lord and Savior into their beating hearts.

Dallas Faith was taking off her shirt before an amazed young man taking his hands placing them in a most definitely inappropriate region and telling him, "You can touch me all you want, handsome. I want you to make me scream. I know you can." She then brazenly unzipped his bulging trousers. Her sisters did various versions of the same routine as did Laurent with a young woman whose virtue had been lost years ago so I did not feel bad for not intervening to prevent her seduction. From their thoughts, the newborns intended on keeping their word and not biting anyone. Apparently my power to quell blood lust had worked.

All the human males thought it was hot that they were participating in an orgy. The girl didn't mind so much since she had slept with all of the boys in the room since her eighteenth birthday, save Laurent, anyway and wanted seconds and thirds and fourths and….. She couldn't wait to……ew. Laurent passed around a flask of scotch. And in between the rustling of clothes, sucking of various body parts, and moans of delight all the humans imbibed. And just when, according to Mary Sue as she prepared to mount her moaning like a stuck goat football player, things were getting interesting, the locked door slammed open and in walked Tanya and her sisters.

"Now _that_ was an entrance," Jugurtha laughed.

Tanya hissed at me in Saami, _"Knock out the humans, Edward."_ I eagerly complied. It was a two for one-win. I no longer had to worry about their virtue. The humans, that is. Tanya's had been given away eons ago. Nor could their fornicating activities continue. Them being unconscious and all.

Laurent nearly cried when his partner stopped licking his……and slumped to the ground. She had been, in his estimation, quite talented with her…..never mind. He was kind enough to catch the young hoyden to prevent her from being harmed. Mary Sue thought it was curious her partner was unconscious since usually they fainted _after _having an orgasm and she hadn't really even touched this one. Clearly, their abilities had grown and they needed more practice, she gushed….

Kate chose that moment to unload her power on all the immortals in the room causing them to shriek in pain. Jasper helped, as he had snuck out to ostensibly use the restroom, and aimed terror at the newborns from the water fountain he pretended to use. He added in his unique formula of "de-lust" at the unconscious humans. Laurent watched in horror as Big Laurent became Not So Big Laurent and his own personal Eifel tower crashed against his leg.

Jugurtha rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, we are bigger. Focus."

I summoned the spirits, asking them to aid in quelling all the bloodlust of the vampires, as it arose in response to their frustration. And my powers glowed and did nothing. I tried again, and they sat mute, ignoring me. The rings around the house started to flicker. Trying to remain calm, I said, "I'm sorry. I can't do them all at once."

Tanya thought I meant that I desired to have sexual intercourse with the unconscious males in the room, crowing that she had suspected my sexual preference all along. I corrected her with a mental picture of the power ring around the house and the one around the school. I didn't need her seeing my be-ringed in wolfly power singer and marked by immortals I intended on killing, so left her out of the picture. Tanya and her sisters were fascinated and decided that alas, I was still heterosexual. Hoydens. My singer was hotter than them, too.

"I'm Tanya Denali and these are my sisters Kate and Irina." Her alto voice positively teemed with enthusiasm. "We've been dying to meet you for quite some time, considering you've been attempting to impersonate us across Europe and Asia." The newborns hung their heads for a moment. Mary Sue brazenly said, "It's nice to meet you. Can you please give us five minutes? We're in the middle of something." She started fiddling with the unconscious football player trying to get parts of him to reanimate without success, lightly slapping his face saying, "Handsome. Oh, Handsome. Come back and play" This had never happened before with a live human, she mentally wailed. The others were seriously confused as all their partners were equally un-aroused and soundly asleep. Despite repeated attempts to wake them. Addie Mae wondered with a gasp if their powers were failing. The others caught that idea at the same time.

Kate giggled as I sent the thoughts to her. She said, "You have a choice, get up and get dressed, or I'm afraid I'll have to use my power on you again with more permanent results."

Dallas Faith decided in terror that Kate had definitely stripped them of their powers temporarily and crawled around the room for her scattered attire. Within five seconds they were dressed and crying. Laurent, too. Jasper was having too much fun.

"What about the humans?" Irina said.

"You're absolutely right, sister. Thank you for that observation." Tanya answered and quickly arranged the snoring bodies. She stood back with a smile. "There. That's so much better." She spilled a bit of scotch from Laurent's other flask, and left it in one boy's hand. I had to admit I had seen some sick things in my time as she moved from mouth to mouth, coating their lips with scotch, dribbling it on a body or two. What Kate and Irina did, however at their sister's direction, was absolutely revolting. And genius. The immortals dashed from the building as Mrs. Corelli, accompanied by the campus security officers, burst into the room.

"_Jesus, I knew Abbie Martingale was sexually active but seven guys at once? That requires way too much energy….never mind,"_ Mrs. Corelli thought. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed 911 as clearly they had a case of alcohol poisoning, since they weren't awakening at her bark. Her voice remained calm as she checked everyone's pulses and thanked God they had caught them five minutes into the period. No one was tardy in her school, although she didn't look forward to explaining to eight sets of parents what their children had been doing when skipping class. And she thought it odd their clothes had been neatly folded. Who meticulously arranged their clothing prior to an orgy? That and the alcohol must have been why nothing happened. She thanked God she'd gotten there before any of them had actually had sex.

The happenings in the cafeteria had just been overshadowed by Tanya's brilliance. Mary Alice predicted that night, in the hamlet of Forks, tongues would wag at the tale of how eight students were discovered stark naked in the locker room. Abbie Martingale was found slumped astride the middle of Steve Johnson's thighs with a naked as a jaybird Bill Canon leaning on her from behind and other naked males waiting for their turn – although thank God they had all been too drunk for anything to actually happen. It was speculated that she had been planning on performing ew ….. on Trent Smith due to the position of his spread eagled body as his bottom covered Steve Johnson's – the one whose thighs Tanya had arranged Miss Martingale on - face. Others argued that it was _Steve Johnson_ who had planned on giving attention to Trent Smith while being pleasured by Abbie Martingale in an assembly line of debauchery. All eight names would go down in Forks history.

Motherly Tanya and her sisters had even been thoughtful enough to dress the boys in condoms they hadn't thought to use, some partially on, others open and in their hands. And to be extra kind, Irina had stuffed extras in Abbie Martingale's purse and several of the boy's pants pockets. They all also made sure to leave in place the deviant rubber objects that several boys had put on…..never mind. And manners prevent me from even contemplating what they had done with the KY Jelly Mary Sue carried in her purse like chewing gum. Piously, Tanya had reminded herself that she was just setting the scene and she had simply arranged the bodies and couldn't help it if humans were too stupid to know she had saved countless lives –and that no one had actually had intercourse. She had even arranged them so that no mortal's private parts had touched another's. Even she had standards. She sighed. This was the moral thing to do; Tanya sang, as she loaded the frightened newborns into our cars and she and her sisters drove them to our house.

Once the multiple ambulances left, and curt messages left with aghast parents, Mrs. Corelli stomped into various classrooms looking for the absent newborns. She wondered what _else_ could happen as she caught a glimpse of her blackened eye in the trophy case. She had a film clip that I had never seen and definitely did not want to imagine in her email of Dallas Faith eagerly engaging in all sorts of almost physically impossible sexual activity. Earnestly. With numerous co-stars including Laurent. The only thing she hadn't done in the film, Mrs. Corelli snarked, were animals. Her problem, Mrs. Corelli's that is, was that she had to expel them all, Laurent too, for dressing like slatterns, being porn stars, bad ones at that, and if they left quietly she'd overlook the badly forged identity papers since the police had already been here once. She could not find a trace of them on campus. She decided that the newborns had definitely realized they couldn't get away with such behavior at Forks' high. And now she had an alternate suspicion but not proof for just what Abbie Martingale and her co-stars had been up to. She wasn't about to let her wayfaring students get exploited even if they all were 18 years old, and scheduled a meeting with the students and their parents. Mrs. Cope with satisfaction dis-enrolled the newborns. Kids these days, were crazy.

The newborns exited our vehicles, peeking at Mother with Peter and Charlotte standing at her side. The very sight of Charlotte made the newborns decide to obey quietly. And that Eleazar had a look about him that made Laurent's survival instinct kick into operation at a red-alert status as he ordered, "Enter the house. We have much talking to do." For a second they considered fleeing and that was when the pack bounded into the back yard teeth snapping jaws drooling. Wolf Paula, in particular, enjoyed as she urinated on Mary Sue's shrieking form to a mental chorus she could not hear from the rest of the pack of "Gross!" and "Awesome" and "Now THAT's marking your territory!"

All of the newborns started vomiting on cue, as a sympathetic Carmen patted backs here and there murmuring encouraging words. Mother backed up a step or two, thanking the pack, gulping her gorge, and said over the heaves of the immortals crumpled before her, "Welcome to our home. When we said this is a no-hunting ground ladies and gentleman, we really did mean it. I'd like to introduce you to what would happen should you elect to ignore the treaty we have in place." All the wolves growled on cue. Sam did a particularly good low-rumbled one that made Dallas Faith quiver in all the wrong ways and nod, "Yes, madam." The wolves were even kind enough to use their front claws to gingerly lift the newborns from the ground and set them aright. Laurent vomited again, and Seth solicitously refrained from tossing him into the nearby forest. Eleazer turned on a hose and sprayed the yard as Mother went around handing out toothbrushes and wet washrags to all. Carmen was even kind enough to lead Mary Sue into the house, not by the hand, of course, and let her shower in my bathroom. I made a mental note to scour the entire room with bleach before permitting my delicate human to enter it or use the commode. God only knows where Mary Sue had been. And I refrained from watching Mary Sue shower like a stalker as I had already been morally compelled to observe and beam such observations to my highly entertained family at school. I knew more than I ever wanted to about the sex-starved septuplets from Czaak. The Denalis took the petrified newborns to our last guest cottage to keep them away from our house. Thus ended the chaotic reign of the newborns at Forks High. Alas, I did not have an opportunity to enjoy my victory against pornography, although my brothers suspected my role. I admitted nothing. I had bigger problems than being caught faking an email from Mrs. Stanley and raiding Emmett's online and still secret from his mate lewd film collection.

My human wasn't talking. To me. Well, she wasn't talking much to anyone else either, on the way home from school. And my girlfriend did go straight to bed, Mary Alice's bed as I gawped. I left her alone because of that whole desperately needing to vomit from over-taxing my powers and then hunt business and for Rosalie to work with her on that whole nightmare affair. Despite her ability to heal me, my pain could wait.

They conversed for a few hours, with Rosalie having to pry the information from my quiet girlfriend with conversational crowbars and patience I never knew she possessed while her racing pencils fleshed out the nightmare. She and Mary Alice ended up having to use sneaky techniques that always failed with me, a series of closed questions, to get information, "Was he tall or short?" "Blonde or brunette?" They always sniped at me for using those questions and here my sisters managed to get my girlfriend to speak at length. Talk about double-standards. When she felt she had captured everything, Rosalie displayed the sketches to my girlfriend, who blanched and said, "That's her, alright. Him, too." She picked up the picture of the Violet Gorgon Rosalie had drawn the night before and said, "I recognize that face of the black haired woman. But I don't know from where."

My entire family froze across the house.

"Really, I had a dream about her and drew it," Rosalie lied. Sort of.

Snapping her fingers my girlfriend said, "That's really strange. I think I remember dreaming of her, too. But she kept saying the same thing over and over."

"What did she say, Bella?" Mary Alice asked gently.

"It didn't make any sense. She said something that sounded like 'pert-oo-mum,' in a voice like you would to a baby."

That halted the entire house. The word 'pertumum' in Oscan meant "to destroy". I decided curling on the forest floor and clutching my abdomen would have to take place later. My girlfriend and family required my assistance. And I desperately needed quality pressed against the flesh time if I was going to continue being able to fight. Then my singer's next words nearly started my heart.

"Alice, could you give me a lift home?" Mary Alice and Rosalie cheerfully refrained from arguing that she was supposed to be staying the entire week with us. Rosalie said at vampire pitch, "We'll do what we can," to Emmett and Jasper as they exited the house. I was, they claimed in hissed Xeta at each other, a moron. I looked up from drinking a Roosevelt Elk I'd snatched before her terrorizing words and wondered what I could possibly have done to earn my family's ire? I had saved them from the newborns, after all. I had to place faith in my sisters. It would be difficult guarding her if she returned back to her Father's house.

Jugurtha said, "Difficult but not impossible. Eat more. We need the strength." I lunged at another elk, snapping his neck and sulked as I sucked. On the animal. Alas.

To preserve my sanity, I turned to my other problems for a moment. I could not possibly envision what had these women so irritated with me. Perhaps I should give them a decade or two to calm. Women were like that. Capricious. Besides, I had bigger problems than silly overemotional put on the earth to plague me females. I ran back to the house at top speed, regardless.

Violet Gorgon had managed to sneak into my girlfriend's dreams at some point and my sisters were having difficulty getting her to identify a time frame for that dream. That raised the issue of whether the Gorgon had snuck past our barriers. The picture Rosalie drew matched the one Jasper had sketched of his sister. Down to the crooked teeth. And the drawing that Rosalie had done of the other one revealed we had an entirely separate problem. The male in my girlfriend's nightmares with the malevolent eyes was, as conveyed at vampire pitch by the astounded Rosalie, an immortal child.

At the very sight of an immortal child, the Volturi insisted that if we did not kill the vampire immediately – which we should – and they'd be embarrassed for us if we failed to, we had to report not only the existence of the child, but of the child's maker. And this put Father in a quandary.

How do you call your good friends – the ones you've been hiding the fact that you communicate with their not so good friends – and tell them, "My family and I have been consorting with a mortal girl who has dreamed of an immortal child. And I'm not turning her. And that's final. And you can't talk to her. Farewell. By the way, would you mind coming and helping save us from imminent death by snotty vampires in a few days that hopefully aren't under your control?" And the only reason, I suspected, to show these immortal to us in a vision was to warn us that he and the others were coming. Soon.

To protect the Denalis Father had refrained for telling them about my soul-scarred singer and had asked me quietly to use my powers to hide the marks. In his mind he'd thought that he was burdening the Denalis with enough as it was and didn't need to add more to their shoulders. What he left unsaid was that he feared Tanya, or her sisters, due to their past, might bolt and turn my dear little one in to save their necks. With great shame, I'd told Father, "I can hide them from mortals, but not immortals. I've tried." He had patted my back and had said, "Then we'll simply tell the Denalis for their own good, to protect them, they should avoid casting eyes on Bella." My mind turned from the scene with Father to the chaos in the house.

We knew the Jasper family dying part was correct. At least I did. I had, with Jugurtha, mentally sat down and counted each individual bone snap after replaying the tortuous vision in my mind more times than I had cared to admit. To cover my tracks, I had purchased three sets of human bones. And I'd asked Rosalie and Father to help. We'd snapped the bones and catalogued the sounds of them, filing them away in our minds. And then I'd watched the vision from Skeevy's eyes and immortal senses again just to be sure and beamed it to Father and Rosalie. By my best guess, everyone had died instantly save Susan. I hypothesized he'd turned her accidentally. Before the process could start in earnest, her still mortal body had walked itself back into the house and burned to a crisp. That is the only explanation that Father, Rosalie and I could come up with to explain how a human woman on fire would calmly walk holding a dead toddler. She must have thought her child was alive and acted on instinct to save him. Mothers were like that.

I had also hired a graduate student or two – historians were notoriously diffident about completing their dissertations – to do hand searches for information on the fires in Texas that year pretending to be writing a book and needing the assistance of their agile minds. The twenty budding scholars had all found evidence that Jasper had not as he'd been hampered by not having the time to physically search the archives himself.

A local minister's wife, Mrs. Baker, had written an account of the fire and what they had witnessed that sounded every bit as harrowing as my little algae lover's vision of it. She claimed to have barely escaped with her life and that she had most definitely seen the body of Jasper's nephew. He'd smothered to death from the fumes, she hoped, before he'd been burned. Aaron had somehow not touched a hair on his head. The minister's wife had been haunted at the perfection of the child's features; he looked so much like his father, poor mite. And then the explosion had happened and she had run to save her life as people around her had burst into flame and died. To that day, she attributed her survival to the power of God alone. Despite being burned, she had been one of four people to walk away. Twenty others aside from the ten members of Jasper's family had not. And that was on the Whitlock land alone. Over 2,000 people had died in the wildfires that had raged in the area that night.

Later, Jasper had kept an iron control over his gift when Father and I had shown him the pictures. Father had explained to him the results of the morbid study we'd conducted while Jasper had trained the wolves out of hearing range. At least this way he knew to the best of our abilities that they all, save Aaron, were at peace. I handed him the historical reports, without saying a word. My brother had never seen the immortal child. And Jasper might have done a lot of things in his time, but that was one he'd adamantly refused to do. Even he had standards. We stayed silent waiting for him to say something. And remained so when he had nothing to say. He left the room to return to training.

I turned to the lab to study the venom, algae, and saliva samples from my not speaking to me girlfriend. As an experiment, I tried to grow more. I'd check on those results later, I thought, as I reached out with my senses to track my singer. She sat in her room typing an email to her pen pal in Spain while Rosalie and Mary Alice huddled in a corner pretending to do homework debating strategy in Xeta at vampire pitch. We hadn't taken a vacation. Perhaps we could do that tomorrow. That might put her in a pleasant mood.

Rosalie stood and said, "We should all get back home, Bella."

My stomach sank when my girlfriend said, "Thanks, but I think I'll stay here."

Mary Alice, the evil woman, took her hand in both of her own and said, "Now Bella, we promised your father that we'd take care of you. And your heart scared the life out of us the other night. Father still needs to keep you under observation and we didn't want to have to keep your Father up doing it."

"What do you mean?"

"Mother has medical training as well. She and Father have been taking turns monitoring your vital signs while you sleep to make sure that dying business from the other night doesn't happen again." Her cheerful announcement wiped the color from my little algae lover's face as she dizzily sank to her bed. "They did so because they know how much you hate being hospitalized. We all took refresher courses in CPR while you slept the other day. And when you are in the hospital Edward becomes hysterical and refuses to leave your side or sleep."

I could have sworn I heard her mutter, "You could have fooled me." I must have imagined that.

"Why not come back and let's have a girl's night? Just you, me, and Rosalie. I'd love to take one of those vacations that Edward has been talking about. It sounds like fun." Mary Alice sounded so cheerful.

Rosalie nodded, curls bouncing, and said, "Edward's been hogging you lately, and we've let him because he's so shy and we've never seen him talk that much. But we like spending time with you as well. So do Jasper and Emmett."

My girlfriend stared at the floor for a while with a set to her jaw before saying, "Ok." She stood, gathered clean clothes from her closet, and quietly returned to the embrace of our house. Rosalie and Mary Alice appeared smug trailing behind her, and blocked their thoughts from me. Socrates' wife, Xanthippe, had gained notoriety for being a shrew. Who knew she'd be reincarnated and have her soul split into my sisters?

Jasper and I sat up late at night strategizing our best response.

"We're trying to figure out how to best handle the newborns," Jasper said to Mother when she asked what was keeping us at the dinner table. She avoided asking why I was not upstairs with my singer. Because my singer was not upstairs where she belonged. At my side, sleeping with me. And I did not understand why. Mary Alice currently guarded her, along with Emmett, as she slept. My dear little one had shifted 20% more than usual compared to her normal sleep cycle. She belonged with me. But I had to be strong. I could not let them see my panic.

"Jasper, handling the newborns and Laurent is not a difficult task," Mother said in that voice she used right before she assigned you a dreadful chore or punishment.

"I'm afraid I don't follow you. They seduced seven humans today and Lord only knows what they'll do next. They aren't particularly careful." Father said as he emerged from his study.

Currently, they were in a guest cottage having met the pack and after vomiting three times been inappropriately aroused. Obviously any normal vampire could discern that something was wrong with those women if they found that stench something they wanted to inhale. Laurent had been the only one to have the good taste to vomit continuously. They'd ignored Seth, the scentless wonder, to focus on the gobsmacked John Quill and the equally flummoxed Sam Uley. We had the miffed at being expelled from school in a backwater town like Forks newborns sulking with Laurent in a cottage away from them. And I definitely had those barriers in place set to extra hot in all the wrong ways if one of the newborns tried to cross the ring. Seth would not be losing his virtue on my watch. John didn't have virtue to lose, but the point stayed the same. He might kill the newborns in defense of his manly parts.

"Yes, but Carlisle, didn't you tell me that Tanya and her sisters were the original succubi?"

"Yes."

"So, I imagine that Tanya and her sisters could use apprentices since they are working on their next book. I am sure that the newborns have all sorts of several centuries' worth of stories to tell that would fascinate the Denalis. Especially if they write a 'what not to do' guide. The Volturi, in particular, would love it."

Jasper said, "Oh my stars, she's brilliant."

"Mary Sue strikes me as the smartest one in the bunch," she said, "And they all are very prideful. They should not be hard to handle."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Simple, have Tanya challenge them that they can't last the next five days without having sex with any one."

Rosalie chimed in, "Oh Mother, that is definitely on the right track. I think their love of variety," she pursed her lips, "would definitely lure them into taking the bet."

"Why five days?" Father asked.

"Because we're going to be too busy, I suspect, to monitor them as closely as we'd like. And I think it would be wonderful to have the newborns and Laurent expel some energy by having them train with the wolves. They might come in handy."

Rosalie squawked in alarm as she heart my human's heart rate indicate she'd soon arise and dashed upstairs and pretended to be asleep. Perhaps taking my quiet girlfriend back to Liam's house had been a mistake. Currently, she seemed to be deep in thought about something, having woken up. I'd counted her pacing the room for twenty minutes, arms crossed, while the startled Rosalie and Mary Alice lay on the king sized bed feigning slumber. She was ten minutes late for her medication, and Rosalie, pushed beyond her point of endurance, "woke up" to remind her of that fact. Grace sent me a worried croon suggesting I get myself over to sweet girl's side post haste and I decided to accept that advice.

And it took my little bottle cap twice as long as it normally did to fall asleep, so I ended up assisting her. She needed her rest. Since she had not given me permission, I sat on the floor rather than lay at her side. Usually she would scoot over towards me. Yet now she did not move an inch. She did say one word. "Tyler." Had I been able to sleep at that moment that would have kept me awake. He must be the reason she was so upset still. It was not like her to be silent this long, despite the fact that she'd not said a single word to her Father about his mendacity, my singer knew she could talk to me about anything. She'd said so. My experiment this afternoon had shown she would date no others. So why was she saying his name in her sleep, this human boy? The touch of her hand as I clasped it in mine helped restore me, lessening the pain from all that energy I'd expended. I sat on the floor all night. My heart remained silent.

When it came to my would-be girlfriend, my one day bride, I was a thoughtless desperate fool. After three days of stilted conversation in the drives to and from school, and quick meals in which she rapidly consumed thirty-five percent fewer calories than average and promptly fled to the sanctity of the library, I was close to crumbling. We could be attacked at any second by the real red-eyed people. What made it worse is that my girlfriend appeared to be conversing well with my siblings. Rosalie, in particular, made an effort to flash winsome smiles and offer supporting suggestions.

My dear little one and Mary Alice spent hours after school at her house playing chess, and now, God help me, taking vacations in their minds. They went on a trip to Granada in Spain when they realized my girlfriend's love of the country. I could have told them that. Had I known. I'd buy tickets next week if she'd speak to me. I was reduced to lurking in the forest like a lunatic out of vampire hearing range so I'd at least have _some_ pride. Someone had to guard them from the red-eyed people. You know, who were supposed to arrive in. . . well never mind when they were arriving. That's why they called it an ambush, due to that pesky lack of RSVPing before they tried to chew you up and spit you out and set you alight. We were anticipating an ambush at any time. Thank the Lord we had the Denalis. And oddly enough the newborns were keen to join in on the fun once we'd offered them a highly edited version that left out terms like "singer" and made clear that my girlfriend was staying human for the time being.

Carmen had never had to fight anyone. Eleazar on the other hand, having belonged to the Volturi, had quite the battlefield experience. He and Jasper were in male immortal heaven, discussing tactics, oohing like little girls over the vampire blades and diving over the wolves, laughing while they taught them to fight as a team. Eleazar admitted when he'd left the Volturi he'd had to turn his weapon in to the armory. No one left holding one unless they were on a mission, and their tactics had shifted to using people with gifts so they now left the swords behind although they did take daggers. And the secret of the vampire blade production was a closely guarded one. The sword smiths that had made them had all been rounded up and were confined to the fortress the Volturi ruled.

The Vancouver coven finally answered in a cryptic text sent to Father's phone. And the milk cooler he ordered appeared mysteriously that day in the mail, despite the fact they had refunded the money to his credit card. The message said they would keep a watch over us from a distance and that should we need assistance in their opinion, they'd offer it. Ingrates. Cracking my knuckles, I couldn't wait for the next time one of them stumbled to us, sick and have us say, "We'll observe you for a little while and see if you need help. Cheers."

And my research on the algae had one interesting finding. I couldn't make it grow. No matter how I tried or what protein I put near it. No single variable I could think of aided. It simply smirked in its Petri dish at me. Rosalie and Father had the same results. Emmett's eyes had faded eight hours after his exposure to the substance and his scent had returned within nine. And Emmett had been accurate on its flavor. How anyone could live off of that for decades…..I scowled as I sprinted away from my observation post for one of my Hezekiah assigned runs. I had tried running in a short circle and had worn a noticeable path in the dirt. That wouldn't do. So I'd decided while she was guarded by my siblings, I'd test my range. And ran away like the coward I was.

Sadder than a weeping willow in frost, I took in the expanse of the canopy around me as I climbed to the top of my tree. My old friend. Who always was there for me. I suddenly found myself missing the friend Horatio that I'd observed in my dreams. He'd always seemed to help me through my blunders. Sitting atop my favorite perch, I encountered a Douglas squirrel. Why I didn't scare him was yet another example of the local wildlife's almost woman-like inconsistency in their behavior toward me of late. "Douglas" as I'd imaginatively baptized him, kept a collection of acorns in a depression by my left thigh. Ah, that's it; he was braving being a not quite snack to guard his food. It was scarce in the spring since most nuts were shooting up growths. I could respect that. Gingerly, I picked up an acorn and placed it on the wood at his shaking feet. He nodded at me, sat down, and began to nibble delicately. He looked at me as if to say, "What's your deal?"

"Women." I grumbled, swinging my legs in the air below the branch.

He stopped chewing, glanced up from his meal, and nodded in comradery. Clearly, even squirrels have flighty females. He finished the acorn. I reached into my pocket sadly staring at the pack of unsalted almonds I had found kept in individual serving sizes. For her. She who did not speak. To me. Who hated speaking. I'd found them because they had more protein than a granola bar and I needed to be prepared in case she fainted again or if I had to pretend for her safety's sake that she had fainted again. She who made me actually miss the physical sensation of eating. I tore the plastic open with the care of a surgeon, and carefully handed my friend an almond. He seemed to like my company and took the food from my hand. So in the spirit of friendship, I ate one too. We sat in silence nibbling on nuts – almonds, you degenerate, not our own or any one else's for the record– soaking up the silence, two males of the world. I realized I needed to go running again to work off some energy and saluted my furry companion. "Same time tomorrow?" He chattered happily as I poured the rest of the almonds in his food pile, leapt to the ground, and burst into a sprint. At least one friend was speaking to me. Grace nudged me mentally and I felt her touch on my shoulders, patting my back. Make that two.

My siblings all had the same thought that frustrated me so, "He'll figure it out eventually." What was there to figure out? I was intelligent, rational, and I might add modestly, smarter than the average vampire. Why couldn't they simply tell me? Why the guessing games? And they wouldn't think what they meant. Damn them. And she seemed so sad when she thought I wasn't looking. Pride forced me to hold my tongue and wait for the proverbial penny to drop. Even the newborns avoided me, their survival instincts having finally kicked in. And I couldn't exactly turn to Tanya and say, "I know you have been lusting after me for decades, but I require your assistance with a mortal girl I like far better than you." That seemed rude. Although true. But still. I had manners. Sometimes.

Speaking of insane women, Tanya, after being texted by Mother about her idea for the newborns, texted back, "Already planned. I have an even better idea." She and her sisters, elegantly attired, stared at the standing newborns inspecting them like a general before new recruits.

"Do you know who the Volturi are?" Tanya began gently.

"Some group of old vampires in Italy," Mattie Jo waved her arm as if discussing last year's outdated garb.

"Ah, to be young and naïve again." Kate said with a sad smile. The septuplets stiffened at that description. Laurent stilled.

"We used to think of them that way too. That was before they executed our Mother for breaking their laws and we barely escaped with our lives," Irina said as they winced.

"So how do you feel about a healthy wager? I've been debating with my sisters. I think you're disciplined to have survived all these years, but they," she wagged a finger at Kate and Irina, "insist you walk the earth merely out of dumb luck."

"We have lots of discipline," Carol Lynn and Betty Ann said in tandem.

"Really?"

"Indeed," Laurent crooned at Irina. "I'd love to show you."

"And I've love to watch," Tanya offered a winsome smile that made him shiver.

"We're up to any challenge you give us," Mary Sue declared, chin jutting out, pride in place.

"If you can remain completely celibate for two centuries, we'll allow you to be our apprentices. That means no orgasms of any kind for any reason by any means," Tanya stipulated.

Kate and Irina said, "We won't look down on you if you refuse. It was difficult for us to do, so we know exactly what we are asking. It might be too much for you young people."

"I accept." Laurent snarled.

"We do, too," Ella Joy stated before Mary Sue could speak, elbowing her sister into silence.

"Excellent!" Tanya squealed. "We're going to have so much fun! Let's start with training."

"Now?"

"Of course. I always keep my word. Now, the first thing you have to learn is self-defense. So we're going to be training with Jasper and his friends the wolves all night to test your stamina. Follow me!" Tanya sailed from the room trailed by the befuddled newborns. I stopped observing her utter triumph over them to mourn my own defeat as I trudged to my brother who worked in the lab studying a vampire blade. My girlfriend's dagger seemed like a toy in his large hands.

Who knew challenging someone to behave like a lady and dangling Tanya in front of them like tramp bait could be so effective? Women. I shook my head. Crazy every last one of them. Especially mine.

Emmett told me absentmindedly as he stared into a microscope attuned for vampire senses, that all I had to do was simply apologize. "For what?" I begged.

"It doesn't matter. Since you are a guy, you're always wrong anyway." His explanation made absolutely no sense.

He stopped working, and said, "Stop pacing a second, Edward and look at me. Why don't you ask her to accompany you to the Yorkie Festival tonight?" He said it like it was so simple even an idiot could see the answer.

"She hates dancing. It reminds her of her disability." I hated standing still.

"True, but there's more to do there than dance." Emmett looked at me like I was an imbecile. Prudence dictated that I needed to research the festival using my laptop. So I thanked him and retreated to my lonely room to conduct research. Not that kind of research. Indeed, it appeared Emmett was right. Not about the imbecile part.

There were booths for food and crafts and contests. I predicted it would be a raging success. Armed with knowledge I tried to ascertain the best way to propose, I mean request her presence at the human gathering.

I had guarded her at night, and to my distress she had not uttered a single word to aid me in discovering the cause of her behavior beyond that one word of Tyler. And she had a past history of nightmares if I was not in the room with her, although she rested quietly at present. Her Grandmother, however, was another story. I had been so desperate; I broke in another way. With Grace at my side, I lowered her shields to see who would come knocking. I'd mentally asked Grace if a few of her disreputable friends could come and stand by. There was no sign of the young to me old power. Hezekiah's geezers stood in wait, grumbling about wasting resources but looking forward to a fight.

My singer turned to me and said, "Dream Edward?" I never thought I'd be glad to hear Genevieve's voice turning my girlfriend into a sock-puppet again.

"Yes, dearest one?"

"Dense. Dark."

By all the heavens now she wanted me to look for something that was dense to protect her granddaughter? And dark? "That spirit," I vowed, "received an extra thrill tormenting me," I muttered under my breath.

"True. Don't be late."

"You almost killed her the last time you spoke through her, Genevieve. Either say something constructive or leave, madam. And thanks ever so much for siccing the red-eyed people on us."

Smacking me with a throw pillow that flew of its own accord into my face, she vanished from the room in a spiritual huff. Taking all her answers with her. Spitefully, I put the shields back up as clearly even the ghosts around me were idiots. When my siblings that were within hearing range raced into the room expecting another attack from the Gorgon, I had some explaining to do.

"I wanted to see what would happen if I lowered the shield around her to see if the Gorgon would give me conditions or terms. Genevieve made a brief appearance and left."

Father chided, "You took a huge chance considering her heart stopped the last time."

"I know." I answered, not looking at all the emergency equipment I had scattered about the room. Just in case. I was a complete bastard. "I did not feel I had a choice. We need to know if the Gorgon had demands." I pretended to have the moral high ground. Only years of perfected deception kept them engaged in believing me.

"So you did not sense her presence? Hasn't she been trying to get through ever since her initial foray?"

"Well, someone has. And I've had some assistance keeping them at bay. Hezekiah has shaman friends who have been helping me, so I did not do this without backup help." I piously explained.

So I decided more research was in order. Women research. Not that kind of women research. In order to understand the enemy, I decided to peruse the literature on feminism. Germaine Greer's work made it sound like human males were evil overlords meant on controlling every move made by every woman. That night Mary Alice caught me reading one of Greer's books online with a shocked expression on my face as I skimmed through the 1970's The Female Eunuch. My sister sighed, and took the laptop out of my hands and said, "You're only young once but you can be immature forever." And then she left with the laptop. Did she think I didn't recognize she was quoting Greer? I wasn't a complete idiot. My sister's sense of humor was odd. Very odd. One thing that did strike me was the idea Greer also wrote, "Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate."

In desperation, I decided we had to have another one of our chats while she slept. Perhaps that would sink into her subconscious and she might talk to me. Either that or think she was hearing voices and possibly insane. But desperate times and desperate vampires called for desperate measures. I hated this talking business. And we got along perfectly fine when she was asleep. I had a captive audience. And siblings outside scrutinizing on my every word like food critics in a new restaurant hang it all. And parents lurking in the hallway. Perhaps silence in this sense was golden. So I sat on the ground by her bed. And I thought a lecture to her while holding her hand. Her Grandmother could read my mind at inconvenient times. Maybe she could, too. This was definitely an inconvenient occasion. She pulled her arm from my hand and cuddled against the pillow. Then fate had to go and rub my face in my misery by having her drool on the pillow. I wanted to tear it from her fingers. But putting myself in its place could prove awkward at present.

I felt hope return when she rolled onto her stomach two hours later and her arm flopped against my chest. I felt my heart leap into life and all but threw myself into the pitch for the succor of Hezekiah's counsel.

My obstreperous tutor must have grown tired of the armchairs. We were both sitting on a rock that was near a cliff watching a scarlet sun descend from a purple sky into the welcoming arms of the Pacific. I had about an inch of distance in between me and Hezekiah and stopped breathing immediately. I'd vomited enough for a century, thank you very much.

"It's a remarkable view." You could see anyone coming at you in both directions.

"That it is, son. I proposed to my Jenny here."

"I'm straight and you are married to a fine woman. This can never be."

He snorted and with a bony elbow gave me a sharp jab in the ribs.

"Stop goofing off. You got problems, kid."

I exhaled in frustration, "I am at the point where I feel like telling the next supernatural spirit that attacks me that I am sorry but I have booked my schedule for the next three centuries and to please return to abuse me at another time."

"I wasn't talking about_ that_. But, you've had an awful large burden sitting on those shoulders. It's good to see your family stepping up to the plate to help you. I was right proud of your Pa. And I can see why you run away from that Tanya. I heartily approve of her and her sisters pestering Billy Black."

"My family never ceases to astound me. They are far better than I deserve."

"We need to talk about your little Missy."

"Did Jenny send you with a lecture?"

"She and Sacajawea all but wrote down instructions," as a large notebook filled with his scrawl appeared in his hands. "I'm going to be in all kids of trouble with the missus if I get it wrong; so stop flapping your lips and let me say my peace." He turned to a page, scanned the words, and shut the notebook. Jenny had such good advice about dating; I was desperate to hear. So I turned with a woebegone expression as my friend huffed.

I pressed my lips together and waited for the haranguing to begin.

"Jenny says that while you did a wonderful job the other day especially with her talking about her family, you need to ask her out again."

"She's not speaking to me. How can I do that?"

"Heck if I know, son. Move your feet one in front of the other and ask her if you can take her to see a show. And bring her flowers. Women like that."

"May I ask you a personal question?" I stared at my legs as they kicked nervously against the rock upon which we perched.

"Ask away."

"How long were you married?"

"About 50 years," he said that with a smile. Despite looking like a gnome, having crooked and tobacco-stained teeth, he transformed into another person with that expression.

"Do you understand you wife?"

"Heck, no. Even the powers won't help with that, son. The committee is in agreement that you should ask her on another sojourn but not to her Great Uncle's land. Quanah Parker, Geronimo, and Sitting Bull are arguing with Sequoya over the best battle plan to rid the land of the spirits. Once they decide they'll let you know. President Roosevelt says that you need to remember to be a gentleman at all times and that he's proud of you defending the honor of that fair maiden against whatever that strange phantasm was. He wanted me to remind you to discuss battle plans with your sneaky brother, to learn more fighting techniques from him, to make sure you run more, and to speak softly and carry a big stick. And he's praying for you." Excellent even Teddy Roosevelt thought I needed God on my side. I was doomed. That was the last thought I had before I felt Father shaking my shoulder awake so I could creep from Mary Alice's room like a thief in the dawn.

Father sat with me as my heart stopped. I found I never became used to the pain as I sagged against him. The lack of her touch made it worse. Tanya and her sisters, briefed as to what was occurring when they smelled the distinctive change in my scent and heard my heart beat had the consideration for once in their existence to stay away from the house and afford me privacy. They were horrified when mother explained my daily routine. I dashed from the house to hide my suffering. Hezekiah has suggested flowers. I could do that. I returned with a single blossom of lupine and placed it on her pillow right above the patch of drool. As her heart rate increased, I fled. I asked Jugurtha, "Please schedule in our day a groveling session, a private one." We both knew she was scheduled to return to her father's questionable care Sunday night. My time was running out.

He flipped through my planner, staring at the script through his reading glasses, making hmming noises. "The only time that will work is lunch today."

"But we'll be in front of everyone." I was nervous enough speaking. But the entire school damn them, had noted the strained relationship between my singer and I and paid even more attention. They'd hang on our every word. My girlfriend deserved privacy. Dignity, too.

Jugurtha sighed. "Not really. Not if you are at your table that you usually sit at. You can arrange with your family for her to sit there." True. Very true.

My heart almost ripped out of my chest when I saw my dear little one in front of me in the cafeteria line as she took her tray and walked past our empty little table and the one that my siblings usually occupied to sit by Angela. I maintained smooth features as Miss Webber worried in her thoughts about my pale human and wondered what I had done to upset her so. Ben Cheney sat his tray down by Angela at that moment concerned about my singer as well. _"Cullen was behaving like a jackass,"_ he grimaced. Which brother of mine had offended the mild-mannered Ben, I wondered? Oh wait, now I knew the identity of the braying beast in his brain. Me.

Jasper mentally said, _"Edward, you absolutely need to go and sit with her. Suck it up, and take it like a man."_

"Take what?" And what did my manhood have to do with this? I was clothed for Pete's sake. He must be jealous.

Noting my silence my brother hissed orders like a drill sergeant at vampire pitch. "You must engage the enemy in her own territory. You must sit among her friends, and you must ask her on an excursion immediately before one of those sniffing hounds swoops in when she's mad. Even I can tell she's angry. She might tell them yes." Now he held my undivided attention as my gaze fell upon a boy leering at her from three tables away. She was mine. I would not permit her to date any other.

I couldn't have that. I would definitely kill someone.

I walked over to their table and sat across from her with a smile. Jessica Stanley mentally screamed at such a piercing level it actually inflicted pain as she scurried to sit at my right side attempting to slyly brush her shoulder against me. I dodged just in time dropping my napkin to the snorts of my siblings. The Volturi would have so much fun using her as a weapon if turned.

"Hello Edward, what brings you to our little table today?" She ogled me, stripping me with her eyes. Hopeless Hoyden. And I did not have that physique. She made me appear like one of those muscle-bound morons that lifted weights. I could definitely show her lifting weights. But I'd be appropriately attired while doing it, thank you very much. The whole table expected me to answer. Starched Shirt Edward jabbed me with a finger and remonstrated, "Answer the imbecile."

"I find the company appealing." Some of it that is. She simpered and batted her stubby lashes at me. Newton actually wondered what I had done to make my singer so angry she moved tables. He astonished me by hoping that my human was not emotionally distressed. For once, he put aside his lewd fantasies. Perhaps I broke that out of his system. Tyler sulked, missing Lauren, who was serving time in juvenile hall for assault, much to the scandal and delight of the school.

Bets had been made all day long as to how many bruises would be adorning Miss Mallory when she emerged as even she was not tough enough to survive the brawlers locked up in that juvenile facility in Port Angeles. Were I crude enough to bet on the beating of a female human, I would have to throw in my lot with the population of the juvenile justice system. Lauren Mallory struck me as vindictive and cruel, but only because few people challenged her.

Angela and Ben speaking to my silent singer drew me away from my mental sojourn.

Ben cleared his throat and said, "Hey Bella, Angela and I were wondering if you had plans for Sunday afternoon? We wanted to go hiking in the Olympic National Forest."

"That sounds like fun." She smiled.

If she wanted hiking I could show her the _real_ thing, I thought darkly, rather than human prancing about on man-made trails munching on granola bars and feeling at one with Nature. And I'd have to go along, of course, because she could fall due to her disability. Angela's thoughts indicated she felt bad for my singer due to my silence. How was my not saying anything wrong? I did not understand these confounding human women. Ben thought to himself that, _"Christ, I left Edward a perfect opening to jump in on the trip and he ignored it. Either Cullen is a complete moron or he genuinely is not interested in her."_

"_Maybe Bella was right, after all,"_ Angela thought, remembering my girlfriend telling her weeks ago that I barely noticed her and was certainly not attracted to her. God, I had found a new form of hell. Breaking social rules around my singer. My anxiety started to spike although I kept a serene expression. Running 50 miles this morning had not been enough. Jasper sensed my peril. I hid the shaking of my hand as I bought time by gulping a sip of soda, which felt like battery acid lunging down my throat.

To my surprise, my entire family came and sat at the table as well. Emmett sat to my left, casually reached across the table, and chucked her, to my alarm, on the shoulder with a meaty paw. "How's my favorite fuzzy gosling?"

My human actually tittered at him and I saw the hint of a grin before her eyes fell to the table.

Rosalie even managed to look amused and complimented my singer on her hair. Even worse, she actually sounded sincere and reached out to tuck away an errant strand back into her hair fastening. Mary Alice had styled it that morning in the back of the car in something called a French braid. I worried it would cause her head to ache. And while it complimented her lovely features, I preferred her hair worn loose.

Everyone at the table had the same thought at the same time that Rosalie almost looked like a mother would with her child as she smoothed my singer's locks and patted her arm. Rosalie had found a new way to torture me.

This was becoming ridiculous, I fumed. I was letting the smell of a puny human control me. I was an immortal, for crying out loud. She was just a passing fancy that smelled better than all the other drab humans that surrounded her. And I wanted her to be a passing fancy every second of every day in my miserable life as she was the only joy in it. In the past three days she'd brought me to my knees. But she was human. And a fantastic chess opponent. I should be able to control her with ease. Although she showed the stubbornness of her unhinged relations at present. I had a superior brain after all, despite lacking a functioning soul, or morals. But still. I fretted, this should not be happening as my breathing started to accelerate and I felt a smashing sensation squeezing my chest. These dratted human symptoms picked the worst times to manifest.

"_Edward, would you mind if I calmed you? You'll perform better that way."_ I nodded absentmindedly. Jasper sent a wave of that sentiment in my direction.

Calm? I was perfectly calm. I was complete toast. She was never going to speak to me again and I did not know why, mentally, I wailed. Jasper scowled and sent another round of calmfire at me. Actually that time seemed to work. I still realized that she would never speak to me again, but somehow could not seem to mind. And I gave her a hazy smile.

Well, if my not saying anything was harming my human, I had to show my family I had resolve. And myself, of course. And her. And the rest of the school who hung on our every word, damn them all to perdition. Tyler thought it would be a great idea to get together with my singer and drive her to the festival in his van. That was, I'm sorry to say, my breaking point as I bent my fork that I'd pretended to drop under the table. I remembered the vision Mary Alice had experienced of the last time his van had approached my singer and the bloody consequences that had, thank the Sweet Lord in High, not occurred. And slaying him in public would be rude. And messy.

"And unnecessary," Jugurtha chided. "Open your mouth and ask her to the festival. Now!" he commanded. The fork in my hand mysteriously vanished thanks to one of my sneaky siblings.

"Bella, are you planning on journeying to the festival tonight?" I blurted. Her features flashed a bit of panic before she blushed and bit her lower lip.

Emmett told me at vampire pitch, "Edward, you need to make my words more modern."

What was wrong with 'festival'? Now he criticized my noun choice?

"I made plans to meet Angela. My father is taking me." She answered with care, her voice quiet.

"Oh."

Rosalie hissed in Xeta, "She's not rejecting you Edward."

It sure sounded like it to me. The whole table stared at us. And the surrounding ones as well.

Jasper kicked my ankle and at vampire pitch said, "Repeat after me, Edward. Would you do me the honor of allowing me to accompany you at the festival this evening?"

I managed to spit that line out in a smooth manner, despite the look of manly desperation Emmett noticed in my eyes. I even breathed on her. Three times. Much to the amusement of my family.

Somehow, I avoided arousing Jessica Stanley in the process who mentally wailed, _"God how sick is that. It's cruel fate that he asked her not me. I know he's sending those flowers to Mom to hide that he really likes me. He's just shy and doesn't know how to say it. I have to try harder." _I may have been a depraved soulless beast, but even I had benchmarks, which she, fortunately would never meet. I avoided looking at the delusional damsel.

"I thought you were going camping?" my singer sounded guarded. Her friends watched enthralled. Jessica thought she was insane, ironically enough. Some girl at the next table named Lisa couldn't believe how stupid I was being in asking that dull girl out. Ben thought to himself that I was "manning up" after all.

Drat. I had mentioned leaving that night days ago. Curses. Seeing the rainclouds outside inspiration struck, "The weather changed. It's going to pour where we planned on camping." Not like that had stopped us before, but humans became hysterical about precipitation. I had Jacob Black's example in my mind as he bumbled through the rain. My brain tried to skip over the whole crying on the ground episode that I had scoffed at earlier. Perhaps he'd had a good reason to cry, I considered charitably. After all, I had cried in my singer's arms and I was still very much a man. Well kind of a man. A very confused kind of immortal man. Blast.

"Tell her your plan for the evening," Jugurtha bellowed. "Now."

"Would you like to meet there and I'll take you home? That way you can spend some time with Angela earlier." 'And once I have you in my clutches, I'll never let you leave my lair that I intend on dragging you to and holding you captive forevermore,' seemed a bit over the top. So I didn't say it.

Ben thought to himself that would work perfectly because he wanted Angela to himself that night. He smiled at me in thanks.

"That would be nice." Cautiously the words finally emerged from her lips. I almost sighed. My entire family mentally cheered.

I whispered at Jasper at vampire pitch, "I offer you my gratitude."

"That's what brothers are for, Edward."

"And sisters, too." Mary Alice and Rosalie beamed.

"You know Edward for an uptight repressed male, you certainly have shown you can be awfully motivated where Bella is concerned," Rosalie actually teased at vampire pitch. I thought she was going to reach out and pinch one of my singer's cheeks like you would a small child.

My girlfriend's face seemed to brighten then. I felt like the sun had emerged from a clouded sky illuminating my life when I saw her hesitant smile.

"So Edward." She started. I wondered why she still seemed sad.

"So Bella," I finished. Trying to cheer her with my gaze. I watched in wonder as her lips tentatively curved upward.

"I've a strong urge to beat you senseless. In chess. Of course." She used my own line against me, the impertinent scamp.

Emmett took a large bite out of his hamburger making sure to chew with relish. He hissed at me that I had to eat food if he did. I took another bite of congealed pizza, pretending the texture didn't feel like sandpaper grating on my tongue, thankful I didn't need the fork I'd destroyed earlier. I happily took out the board and arranged the black pieces as she arranged the white ones. Looking her in the eye as I handed her the white king that had fallen over, I said, "My lady, I believe you have the first move."

* * *

**AN: Oh my sweet baby Jesus. He finally asked her out on a REAL date. You all are so going to love the next chapter. Swear. Edward after being forced for moral purposes to observe the debauchery of the newborns arranged their expulsion in record time. He'll need therapy for years to wipe the mental images of those hoydens from his mind. The Denali coven proved resourceful in handling the newborns and gave new meaning to the term flesh peddler, as they framed eight gullible caught-with-their-pants-down-humans for participating in an orgy they actually never had. The newborns had a rather memorable stomach churning first encounter with the wolf pack. Paula, in particular, gave Mary Sue her best. Tanya flung down a challenge to the newborns, one they moronically accepted, and enlisted them in the Cullen/Denali Army to Overtake Forks and Destroy Haughty-Oscan-Shrieking-Aristocratic Immortals. The Vancouver Coven sent their aid. Sort of. Rosalie managed to uncover that Bella has been having visions of how Jasper's family died, and possibly the Violet Gorgon, too. Edward managed to seriously offend his dear little not speaking to him algae lover and couldn't figure out what he had actually done. In desperation he turned to his family and committee and the local wildlife for support in the courting of his girlfriend. And he finally asked her out on a Real Date.**

**I've left links on my profile for a few things. **

**The Blaeu Atlas from 1645 was used to pick the newborns' hometown which really did exist.**

**There is an Oscan-English dictionary which proved helpful in the writing of this chapter. **

**And I left a picture of the flower Edward left on Bella's pillow as well as the view Hezekiah showed Edward as they talked at the end of the chapter.**

**AN on Edward: I've had a few readers question whether or not Edward watched Mary Sue shower. No. Ew. This is the guy whose been leaving the house for years the second one of the couples in the house gets amorous. He is not remotely attracted to the newborns - repulsed actually. Also, I feel the need to point out that Edward has an awful lot on his plate. Hezekiah has told him that he's the equivalent of a newborn vampire and newborn wolf - so his emotions are raging from time to time - and he can be a bit unpredictable. Using the wolf gifts comes at a cost (vomiting, blinding headaches, passing out, weakness, agonizing body pain, that whole heartbeat starting and stopping dealio) and he is using them in this chapter on multiple levels. He's monitoring the Cullen home and the wolves, he's searching the area for Violet Gorgon and her minions, he's translating the thoughts of the newborns and feeding them mentally to his siblings (a trick which ordinarily he'd need Hezekiah's staff to do and one that in and of itself is painful to do), he's got multiple shields up and around Bella, and then there's that irritating force that knocks on the doorway to her soul from time to time that also hurts. He's got all that on his plate and he's trying to carry on a conversation at the same time. His decisions in this chapter regarding Tyler he probably wouldn't have made in more calm circumstances. Yes, he is clueless on social cues and so clueless he's not realizing how clueless he is. And when you combine that with arrogance and make the person shy - that's a lethal combination. It reinforces itself. Edward avoids people because he's shy and therefore doesn't get to have practice conversing with them and working on controlling that fear. Same deal with Bella (although she doesn't look down on people). And him fuming about how she's just a human – by reminding himself of how powerful he is – he's really acknowledging the power she has over him. **

**Bella for her part was perfectly capable to telling Edward that he had offended her and what he had done. But since she's non-confrontational she said nothing and avoided him. So she, too, holds responsibility in the conflict they had in the chapter.**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter, which most definitely will be fun. Lots of fun. Swear.**

**The newborns are swearing to remain celibate if you review. Tanya is promising to be naughty. Starched Shirt Edward would like to aid them (the newborns that is) in their feat and is therefore pleading with you, and Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, for feedback.**


	39. HOD pt 28 You Shook Me All Night Long

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta.**

**And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills. She plays Satan quite well with that cruel red pen of hers. She has an awesome story called The Deluded. You should check it out.**

**I have rarely been so entertained by the reviews you all have been giving me. To each and every one of you who reads this story - thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your support and words of encouragement. I know that your time is valuable, and I appreciate that you have taken the time to read my work. I had some insightful comments from several of you that influenced me to try to answer some of your questions in this chapter.**

To my muses many thanks for the encouragement. Your reviews for the last chapter were absolutely fantastic. I keep posting this story because of you: Merrisol, sexysadie13, spicyone94, AliciaZA, WillowMarie, Robs_Muse, redsoxlove, tazz, Miss Poison, khadijadaw, pclo, sariedee, June, littlemissbatty, oncebitten, dellatwi, jaijaiays, fanficreader83, pomme_de_terre, squarepancake, chloe9, Rgwmnks, elphabacy35, forthelove, nofangsallowed, BellaS, Sheeijan, Disneyvampire, notmyself, .Yamii.16, LJSummers, CindyWindy, Codelina, rebeka13, Forest Sentry Koneji, Matahari, Purple Mad Dragon, luv4edwardcullen, Solenoidbelle, mamato, Viridis73, JLJohnson, Sapphira Majoram, TwilightMomofTwo, Mutt N. Feathers, teeheeitsme, JustJasmine, Gwen69 and Cullen Pearl.

Remember that seat belt warning? You might need multiple seat belts for this chapter. Seriously. No drinking while reading especially carbonated beverages, and please use the restroom beforehand. Main Edward can't be held responsible for the condition of your undergarments or computer monitors. Or keyboards.

******This section of the story contains mature content. This is the point where I am supposed to remind you of the M rating of the story. I'm going to earn it in this chapter. Enough Said. Starched Shirt Edward is on oxygen in the corner with blue...lips. Please pray for his continued respiration. And his hand. He probably has carpal tunnel syndrome since he keeps making the sign of the cross over and over and over again.*****

**Snarky Summary:**

**In our last installment of "As the sex toy turns" kidding - yeesh, I mean, "As the human turns," we found that Edward learned the hard way about the communication genius that, alas, he is not. He put aside his principles of privacy and asked Bella in front of mere mortals to accompany him to a festival on a Real Date in an effort to win back her regard. Our clueless cold boy wonder still did not understand, however, what he did that hurt her feelings, and on that level rivaled the newborns for the title of the "stupidest vampire ever". The threat of the imminent Forks crashing by the Violet Gorgon and her haughty, snotty, thoroughly tatted with ink way waaaay deadlier than anyone else's, and most likely armed to the fangs with more lethal accessories minions has the Cullens, the Denalis, the Quileutes, and now the nimble nubile newborns working around the clock. Although they promised to not have orgasms for two centuries, the newborns are doing it, I mean, aiding the Cullens, in the name of future sparklygoogasm Denali Sister taught sex. And a better wardrobe. And the possibility they might develop taste although Main Edward shudders to think about that concept given Tanya's record. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the chapter. Edward has some 'splainin' to do.**

**A few things from the past that you need to remember for this chapter. Bella has been scarred on her soul with venom marks in the shape of gyrfalcons and her scent has vanished for all save Edward (and Alice can kinda sorta smell her faintly). Any odor that comes in immediate contact with Bella vanishes scent-wise from an immortal perspective. This is complicated because she's adorned all over her body with those pesky marks that glow through her clothing - that immortals can see but humans can not. It begs the question, why stamp her everywhere and hide her scent? The only way she'd escape notice from immortals would be if blind ones came to visit. Bella's Great Uncle Liam had a lab, well, fine, TWO labs - one of which had glowing algae in it with a cotillion of Other Immortals in Spiritual Form guarding its slimy basement. Carlisle has been educating his family on the lost covens. Despite their Evil Overloard(s) status, no one in Italy has figured out how gobs of people who want their head on a stick could manage to stay lost for so long. This is in the order of things a multiple violation of the Rules of being an Evil Overlord according to .. (quoll (dot) uwaterloo (dot) ca / (dot) mine / overlord (dot) html**

**The lost covens don't call. They don't write. They don't send flowers. Aro is crying himself to sleep at night because he can't kill them. Seriously. Caius is perpetually grumpy over that fact. And Marcus is mute on the subject having been in a 1,000 plus year snit. And Carlisle has had some past interaction with the lost covens that he kept from the family for their safety. He helped one he named "Eve" who was sick. She claimed she did not need blood and had a different diet.**

**Edward has been suffering from, ahem, performance issues of multiple kinds although he begs to differ on that label. His powers fluctuate from time to time, working sometimes, ignoring him at others. He has had episodes in which he has shattered glass and caused the earth to move - ones he has yet to fully understand - and ones that save Mary Alice - the Cullen coven does not know occurred (Bella, too). For moral purposes, of course, this has, alas, forced him to engage in research for the sake of his singer. And his hand. I mean his welfare. What Edward does know is that if he is not careful with his emotions, very, very bad things could happen. So says Hezekiah.**

**There is something Edward said in an earlier chapter you should keep in mind. He fancies himself a brilliant actor. He's been using those abilities to keep his family guessing as to his mental state, so he claims. Edward practiced scripts for when he would have conversations with others before actually engaging in said interactions. Give the boy a rehearsed script and he feels like he can get through an interaction (except when Bella blinks at him like that it's ever so distracting and totally not fair). Put him on the spot with her in the room and amp up his anxiety? Well, that's bad. And the stuff made of comedic gold. And so we begin with Edward and Bella sitting at the lunch table surrounded by his siblings and stunned humans playing chess.**

* * *

**Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Eight: You Shook Me All Night Long**

Belatedly, it occurred to me that once again, current circumstances necessitated that nannies —I mean monitors— accompany us on this evening's excursion due to that whole unwanted dinner guests in the form of an invasion expected at any moment issue. Blast. Can't a mortified downcast and, might I add, feeling definitely depraved vampire have a wee bit of time in tranquility? One night. That's all I desired from fickle Lady Fate. Fine not all, but it represented a reasonable starting place. Once informed that I had actually asked my girlfriend out on a proper date Father insisted— due to that whole acting like a newborn vampire and wolf with raging emotions problem— that if I required chaperones, and that point was non-negotiable. I really was frozen in time at seventeen. God clearly hated me. No, it was worse than seventeen years old. What seventeen year old male was followed by his family on his first date? And second? And third?

Battling on the black and white squares of the board, I pondered the logistics of our evening while we circled each other mentally. The humans sitting around us chattered about the newborns and other unseemly goings on at school that I'm too much of a gentleman to mention and still revolted at the brief parts I'd witnessed.

Mrs. Corelli, wearing makeup to mask her fading bruise marched through the cafeteria, heels clicking on the worn linoleum and thought, _"Oh good, the mute Cullen kid appears to have made progress with Bella. If he hurts her I'm going to rip his throat out and feed it to him piece by piece, maybe his arms as well. I remember her as a child. Liam asked me to keep an eye out for her. Strange man. He never spoke, either. If those two married and spawned children they'd all be the most silent family that ever lived."_

Blocking out the world chirping around us, she beat me twice in a row. My girlfriend, not Mrs. Corelli. Although the mere premise of the Vice Principal attempting to cause such damage to my near impermeable flesh almost caused me to supernaturally jeer. I strongly suspect she and I differed markedly on that whole conceptualization of "throat tearing," me being far more practiced in that fine art than she. Arm tearing, too. With her bulldog like charm, Mrs. Corelli had earned herself a vacation to the United Kingdom to tour famous gardens, a dream she and her husband had been saving their spare income for two years. Ridding the school of Lauren Mallory alone merited that anonymous gift. Jugurtha saw to it immediately. He thought it an excellent idea. Starched Shirt Edward quibbled we should send them on a pilgrimage of religious sites in Ireland and Scotland instead.

I actually attempted to compete against my thoroughly-trouncing-me opponent, I'm sorry to say. Tsking at a litany of bad moves of mine, my family lamented my performance at vampire pitch. Of course, they rooted for her over me and witnessed my humiliation with relish saying it was, "About time I met someone who could keep me on my toes." I don't know about those particular digits, but my dear little one most definitely had little difficulty engaging my undivided attention.

With the Violet Gorgon prowling in her dreams, possibly abounding in the soggy countryside, her "I really wish they would stay dead in every dimension" demented relations meddling daily in our private lives, and her tendency to be followed by the dark shadow of calamity, I vowed I'd never again think of her as dull. In fact, if this was "dull" then "exciting" would doubtlessly cause me to explode into flames and float to the earth in streamers of ashes and dust. I felt like I lived in the immortal version of Agatha Christie's novel _Ten Little Indians_, wondering what disaster would spring from the heavens next.

Jugurtha glanced up from re-arranging my bursting at the seams schedule and commented, "Now might be a prudent time to engage in that private groveling session. And no one has mysteriously been murdered, so Agatha Christie's book does not quite fit the occasion."

"How long do I have budgeted for sincere groveling? And her Grandparents and Great-Uncle were murdered in questionable circumstances. That's three alone in one fell swoop. We could add Billy, Charles Swan, and Jacob to the mix."

"No one has died lately at the hands of hidden parties. I think the short story _'The Monkey's Paw'_ might be more apt. Also, it fits your current morbid sense of humor. Get moving. You have fifteen to twenty human minutes for sincere groveling depending on how fast you walk and enunciate. It was delightful scheduling your date this evening. Think of how much fun we could have planning your wedding if you behave appropriately with her. You need to start your evening off on the right path."

Right. Dangle wedding bands in front of my eyes. The rat bastard - I mean my manager of mushrooming mayhem who knew me so well. Duly inspired, I stared intently at the board and checkmated her in two moves thanks to Jugurtha's sage stratagems. As she stared stunned at her defeat, and my siblings blinked wiping their eyes in shock, I refrained from smirking seeing as I'd had help.

Leaning forward across the table, softly, I said, "Why don't we see how the garden is doing today?" Well, I said that in my mind. What actually plummeted from my mouth was the croak of, "Garden?"

There was a gargantuan climbing rose that I knew she intended on trimming. We couldn't risk her tripping and gouging her eye out with a sharp branch, or cutting her fingers off with the pruning sheers. The hedge containing the roses was so large I had a vision for a moment of the vines reaching out like pink zombies and yanking her into the depths of the bush, never to be seen again. I had to protect my little algae lover from perilous petals. It was the right thing to do.

Jessica Stanley wailed within the confines of her miniature mind that I wasted my time and looks on a broad who couldn't even garden properly as those roses totally were overgrown. And in need of fertilizing. And they reminded her of the flowers I was not sending to her. 'Goodbye cruel world,' were the next words I wanted to hear while she had a tantrum. Alas. She lived still. If turned, the Volturi could use her to annoy misbehaving vampires into eagerly building their own pyre and lighting the match. If the vampire wars ever broke out again, she would be their secret weapon. And why she would refer to my underweight singer as "broad" made me understand why five million members of this particular generation had anorexia nervosa and/or bulimia. They were blind in terms of body image. I'd have to watch my girlfriend's diet to ensure she did not fall victim to the same illness. Now that we'd arranged our evening, truth be told, her appetite seemed to have improved.

Jugurtha sneered at Miss Stanley, "Our dear little one all but inhaled four pieces of pizza. And "broad" is a term for dame or a woman."

Oh. Well, then. My singer was most definitely a woman. But I disliked the derogatory mien of Miss Stanley's thoughts. They sounded disrespectful. We couldn't have that. And it would be wrong to break her legs or send her off to jail with Lauren. I'd have to ponder her punishment on a later date.

"Time's a wasting." He starred at his wristwatch clicking his tongue.

I stared at the long line of students in front of the human food trash bins that befouled the air before the window to the kitchen where we returned our lunch trays, truly a walk in hell by vampire standards. Due to that whole needing to feign respiration habit, we could not hold our breath and had to walk the gauntlet of doom every day. My already cramping stomach quailed at the idea of having to pass the ordeal today. It wouldn't do to vomit blood and human food on the floor in front of my dear little one and the nosy humans. I gulped back a mouthful of human saliva that now seemed to be in my mouth instead of the venom I expected.

"Hey Edward and Bella, we'll take care of your trays. Go garden," Rosalie urged, giving my panicked face a worried glance. "Get some fresh air. You look horrid." She thought to me.

Mike Newton's pain medication must have been causing him to hallucinate. There weren't any plows in the greenhouse. Why would there be any illegal "plowing" going on? When did husbandry become a crime? And of all the crimes to accuse me of, that? How about assault? Battery? Murder? These human teenagers grew stranger every year. Odd. Very odd.

As we walked through the gauntlet of human food bins, I chanted to the spirits for strength.

She stared up at me when I placed my hand on her shoulder. There were spots of spilled fruit salad in her path. We could not have her slipping. So I guided us away from the puddles.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes," I lied.

I had no idea what I was going to say to her once we were alone. I had practiced three different scripts and had frozen mid-way through each scenario. It would have helped if I actually knew what I was apologizing for, I grumbled. Women! As mine led me to my doom.

My sisters had helped her in the garden recently and it now all but sparkled. Mary Alice, to my delight, had insisted on leaving the overgrown shrubbery and rose bushes intact. Hence, I had a convenient excuse to secret her away, I mean attempt to speak to her.

Three minutes and seven seconds later, I seated her on the wooden bench in a verdant corner. As the school was occupied with eating and gossiping, the deserted hallway outside of the garden afforded a temporary sanctuary. Prying eyes could not see us because of a thick hedge that shielded the bench from view on two sides. Fine, the mortals couldn't listen. I would still provide free entertainment for my family who could not easily leave the hearing range due to that irritating requirement to act like a human and all. Gadzooks.

They carried on a lively conversation with the other occupants of the table about some recent talkie movie that I had never heard of and wouldn't deign to waste my time to watch. Unless of course, she wanted to see it, I fretted. I had not been inside of a movie theater since...well...ever.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I think you should be on bended knee before her."

Jugurtha agreed.

My dear little one's eyes widened as I dropped to my knees before her. At that moment someone vociferously hammered on the sealed door of her spirit; which probably explained why I yelped and clutched my head in one hand and kind of sort of forgot temporarily where I was and what I was attempting to do.

Summoning my Quileute supernatural friends in my mind, I begged Hezekiah's cronies to call more geezers and bored and spoiling-for-a-fight spirits to my aid as frankly this was not a convenient moment for me to engage in solo battle. I had no idea I'd cause a supernatural stampede as I heard hollers and whoops of glee from above in response and a few "take that's" followed by crowing galore. With their able assistance, we managed to maintain the seals to my little bottle cap's spirit against a powerful foe.

Suddenly, I realized she held me upright by the shoulders. Mine. Not hers. Upon further meditation, however, the idea of my shoulders being supported by hers if we were prone...never mind. I couldn't quibble too much over my current position as she cradled my head to her chest. I needed to vampire faint more often.

Jugurtha said, "The laying on her fantasy is hot. Perhaps we could get a taste of the side of her neck while we're at it? Just one teensy lick? Oh, and you'd need to support your weight on your forearms or you'd squash her like a bug. Just saying." He held his arms out to show he was unarmed and meant good will.

"You really are still seventeen years old. Thinking concupiscent sinful things at a time like this? Return immediately to defending her soul from that demon! And commence with the groveling." Starched Shirt Edward appeared as if he would stroke out at any second. Sweat trickled down his forehead rolling off his cheek. He actually straightened his collar and tie.

"Edward?" My dear little one sounded alarmed. Freeing a hand, she reached down for her messenger bag. She depressed the power button for the phone and muttered, "I forgot to ask which type of epilepsy he had. God, I'm an idiot." Had I not been finishing fighting at the moment I would have corrected her mistaken evaluation of her intellect.

With her other hand that currently cradled my skull, she threw her weight behind her arm and tackled me to the earth. My dear little one rolled me to my left side on the thick grass. I heard the tone we'd programmed to call my Father in a medical emergency sound as she tapped the key. I could get used to her throwing me to the ground. Really. As I was otherwise occupied double-checking her spirit, I did not protest, although my hand snatched the phone and disconnected the call in one move, and captured hers.

I heard my dear little one say in a firm tone, "I have to time it to tell his Dad. Edward, let go of the phone." I might possibly have tossed the phone out of her reach into the flora.

She crawled over my twitching form and lay facing me, her free hand on my cheek. Her thumb grazed my lip. Panicked, I realized she wanted to open my mouth not to kiss me, but to make sure I did not choke to death. At her touch, I gawped like a fish. One with closed eyes, anyway. Her fingers did not belong anywhere near my teeth. With a last mental thunderbolt, I and my geezer minions and disreputable spirits tossed whoever it was away from her. I had to move quickly to save her fingers.

The first thing that struck me when I opened my eyes was how calm she seemed, evaluating me instead of shrieking like most women, I suspect, would.

"You are not the idiot. I am." I said with what sounded to me like heartfelt emotion, "I have a bit of a headache, nothing more. I'm fine now." That actually kind of sort of was the truth.

I permitted her to regain the use of her hand that I'd trapped. She leaned over and retrieved a bottle of medication from my bag, read the label, and offered me her water bottle. Counting the tablets, she handed them to me without a word. She put her arm behind my shoulders as I rose on an elbow to drink. It was sweet of her to think she could actually lift me, her being ninety pounds lighter and all.

Swallowing, I claimed, "I'm not going to have a seizure."

She tugged me back down to the grass. "Your skin is gray Edward, and you are shaking."

This seemed an apt opening and definitely a time to divert her as I blurted, "I sincerely regret causing you distress. If you tell me what I did the other day, I will do my utmost to improve."

The grass felt comfortable. I saw no reason to leave. We couldn't be observed from the window due to that overgrown rosebush issue. Perhaps it would recreate the sensation of intimacy we had when we lay together at night and talked. I figured it couldn't hurt. And to be on the safe side, I captured her hand in my own.

She studied the collar of my shirt and rubbed my temple with the fingers of her other unclaimed so far hand. And I had no desire to stop said activity - the temple treatment aided with that head pounding predicament.

"I hate talking," she said to my shirt button. The past three days had displayed abundant proof of that declaration.

Then there was the pesky fact that despite years of deliberate parental deception that she'd recently discovered, she'd never once commented on it to her dim-witted Father under my close observation. While she stayed with us, she did not contact him, although she did read his text messages. And her behavior toward her Mother had me berating myself with ice in my stomach spreading tentacles of dread that pierced my chest, making respiration painful. She did not answer Renée's calls or read multiple email messages. Nor did she open the three handwritten letters her mother had sent and one bright pink card polluted with childish looking handwriting and poor grammar. I'd watched, at the time in satisfaction, as she had burned all the notes unopened in the kitchen sink and cleaned up the mess with a composed expression. Thoughtfully, she'd even had a fire extinguisher from Rosalie's work bench within reach. We had all pretended to be otherwise occupied to give her the privacy to commit arson. If it would make her feel better, I'd tie her nitwit of a mother to a pyre and set her alight myself, and add Lauren Mallory for entertainment purposes.

Not that my deception could compare. I dissembled to preserve my girlfriend's life. They lied to protect their miserable hides and shirk parental responsibility for her rehabilitation. But still. If she could stop talking to people she loved when they erred, what would she do to me for whatever it was I had done that had caused her such suffering? I was not family. I was an undead man walking.

Jugurtha said, "It's time to speak. She's awaiting your answer." Oh. Right.

"I know. I do, too." I had no difficulty imbuing sincerity in that line.

My siblings decided to let me handle this on my own from their thoughts and walked out of what they thought was my hearing range to the other side of the school and exited the building. Drat. Right when I'm willing to wave the white flag and accept aid, they retreat. Marvelous.

Rosalie said to Emmett, "He's making progress."

Emmett said, "Rose, honey, he looks like he'd have to feel better to die. He's got that desperate look on his face like he can't decide if he's going to throw her over his shoulder and run off with her or toss her on a Petri dish to study. He's stared at her saliva samples for hours. Other than when she's asleep that's the closest he's come to being near her in three days. I know touching her makes his pain better and the guy has to be seriously hurting."

Mary Alice interjected, "We have to let them work it out on their own. We've done enough."

Emmett said, "Can't one of you talk to Bella and tell her to put Edward out of his misery?" Oh, please?

"No. Because she won't say a word if we try. And I'm not going to risk alienating her when he's perfectly capable of speaking for himself." Rosalie's voice was like the judge condemning the damned. Fine. Be like that.

Emmett crossed his arms frowning, "Honey, if we aren't careful he'll simply not talk again for a decade or two." Emmett was a very smart vampire.

Jasper agreed, "With what you described he has, I don't know how much more we can reasonably expect from him. He was terrified at the table. And we have to watch his emotions." Wait. What? Now I had a condition? Aside from that whole heart starting, vomiting, migraine suffering, smelling like a mortal, hair growing, muscle aching, and now producing human drool condition?

Jugurtha slapped my hand and said, "Focus on the prize. Spy on your siblings later. They're discussing your communication apprehension." Good man. Wait. "My what?" I silently bellowed.

"Relax. It means you're shy."

"Well, why didn't they just say so? Everyone knows I'm shy. I've acted that way for years. Do they need that bit of information sent to them by telegraph? Smoke signal? Semaphore?"

In an oh so reasonable tone, the predator said, "We were extremely shy when we were mortal. Haven't you learned anything from those dreams? Turning made us worse, from what I gather."

Starched Shirt Edward nodded. And since I had few memories of my human life a few dreams could not be construed to represent an entire seventeen year's worth of well...me. They weren't a representative sample, the statistician in me opined. I'd have to deal with this later. My girlfriend awaited my continued sincere groveling.

She said, "I hate when everyone stares."

What did that have to do with the other day? Everyone was too busy tripping over themselves due to the newborns and Lauren Mallory? Drat. This whole communication thing...now I'd have to be rude and direct.

"Me, too." That sounded helpful. I think. She said nothing in response. I broke and stammered, "I'm not. . . comfortable with most people. Bella, please tell me what I did to offend you." I stammered, sounding jittery. I wasn't faking the trembling I desperately tried to hide.

We laid in interminable obmutesence for seventy-two seconds, me begging with my eyes in abject misery, her turning various shades of the nearby flowers. I'd have to wait her out. I remembered Jasper telling me the other day if I squeezed her hand it would make me seem empathetic. And since she stared anywhere but at my face it could capture her attention. So, I cautiously attempted to avoid mangling her fingers in the process; and gave her a gentle bit of pressure with my hand. We lay about a foot apart, as was appropriate, given this was school, after all. I couldn't tarnish her reputation. Although, if I ever got her in the National Forest away from hymens, I mean humans...never mind. Thirty seconds later she spoke.

"When Jacob was at the hospital you..." she halted, clearing her throat.

"Yes?" I recalled when that toad attempted to manhandle her.

Jugurtha said, "It might work better if you stop appearing as if you're about ready to sink your teeth in her neck. You're angry at Jacob, not her." Excellent point.

By Jove, if she cried, it really would kill me provided my siblings didn't do it first. I was a complete bastard for having to ask her to explain to me precisely why she and everyone else thought I was a complete bastard. But still. I didn't want to behave like a complete or even partial bastard in her eyes again. Doing so out of her eyes was fair game as long as I did not get caught. Her hands shook and her face was pale. I could smell fear in her blood.

"Why didn't you help me with Tyler? You're supposed to be my Fake Boyfriend, remember?" she whispered, voice cracking.

"Were you afraid he was going to harm you?" I sounded appalled even to me.

Jasper, now within hearing range, slapped his forehead like he'd forgotten something as he searched through his locker. I knew better since he blocked my thoughts as did the rest of the family. Weasels. Leaving me to turn and twist in the wind. Entreating her to reveal her feelings was hard enough.

"No. Yes."

"I don't understand," I sighed in defeat, staring at our joined hands. Two could play that whole avoid eye contact game. I had decades of experience over her.

What was I to say? "I'm sorry for not breaking Mr. Crowley's legs like I did Mike Newton. I thought refraining from eviscerating Tyler with a blunt spoon on the spot reflected admirable self-control," did not seem to be quite the thing. Nor did, "I was looking out for your best welfare, keeping force fields around you, searching for skeevy immortals in the area, marking my terri-I mean guarding your virtue from Whor...Hordes of Hungarian Hoydens. Talking at the time was simply too much for my fried by wolf powers faculties to contain. I'm only a superior supernatural individual, you know." Foiled. Again.

"You didn't break Jacob's legs." Jugurtha clarified. Through his reading glasses, he studied the climbing roses that wound their way up the wall seven feet above the ground and stared down at us like old biddies, clutching their pink shawls closely. "These have aphids," he pointed at the afflicted blooms. He expected me to criticize her gardening? I was foolish, but not suicidal. The blooms waved in the air indicating their agreement.

"What I did to Jacob was worse than breaking his legs. I ended his Father's line at least in his eyes, caused him to question his heritage and masculinity, and frightened him to incontinence with horrible table manners in the process. The only thing I could do to top that would be to arrange for him to fall on a coffee table as well." Wait. I saw that avaricious gleam in Jugurtha's eye. And Starched Shirt Edward whistled innocently a Latin hymn. Which meant it was a unanimous vote.

"Pencil castrating that barbarian baboon Jacob Black into our schedule." I felt marginally better at the thought. That was something I knew I could accomplish successfully. I'd already practiced on his putative parent. Putrid Pervert. Adding his puling progeny to the mix meant I'd be a castrator. Twice. And, might I add, quite professional.

"You can't do that for at least three weeks, I'm afraid."

"Why? It's not like Mr. Virgin Stub had much to remove. I could probably accomplish the task with a local anesthetic in one point seven seconds." He did have a point though as Jacob had been shipped off to stay with his sister while Billy recuperated. I should have performed that surgical procedure ages ago.

"You have exams around the bend. I have to leave open blocks of time to schedule in our epic battle with the Violet Gorgon and her minions as well as lessons with Hezekiah, and conniving with Jasper and your Father. Your family has too much going on keeping an eye on the pack to go down to the reservation again to assist in the surgery. The young Mr. Black is three hours away so it would look spiteful considering he hasn't attempted to communicate with her in any way since we destroyed his letter. And you need to return to your plan of courting your girlfriend. Emphasizing how much you respect her should prove helpful. Additionally, you might want to remind her you don't remember much about that day due to that medication issue and all."

"That's weak. Human sounding," I scoffed.

"We're pretending to be human, grasshopper. And it's effective. Right now she's still afraid you're going to seize in an epileptic fit due to all that shaking you are currently doing." I had now sunk to new lows.

Aside from feigning weakness, I had willingly, for moral purposes, forced myself to beam repulsive sexual acts to my siblings. Now that I gave it further consideration, as I "saw" them listening to every blade of grass, heartbeat of hers, and rustle of cloth around my girlfriend and me, they were perfectly capable of standing outside the locker room door on their own the other day.

"True. But then again, Emmett made a lot of money."

"I beg your pardon?"

"He bet Jasper that he could persuade you to watch an orgy when they realized the newborns intended to seduce non-virtuous humans at school. Jasper feels rather sore at present about losing."

"Why would he do so when it could incite lust in me?"

I remembered the shouting his dainty mate had done at my brothers not too long ago. And what would Miss Emily Post say about the ethics of my brothers insisting that I beam pornographic thoughts to one's female siblings? She'd expire on the spot, falling on her pointed pen. Emmett and Jasper were not only disgusting. Worse, they were rude. To me. And my sisters. This could not be borne.

"Jasper knew you weren't sexually aroused by the newborns, given his reading of you, he deemed it a safe bet. Also, you weren't in the same room as your singer, therefore, an appropriately timed one. Might I add, he kept his word and did not beam any emotions at you to incite any kind of feelings without your express consent? And your siblings could all tell from the things you refused to look at when you let them see inside the locker room - how disgusted you were."

I didn't recall hearing them plot. "How did we miss this?"

"We were multi-tasking, and it did not escape my notice. We had more important things on our hands at the time. Consider it a strategic loss."

"What is strategic about this? I'm now officially a degenerate in the eyes of the family! They're next going to accuse me of listening to them when. Ahem. And we have never done that."

Starched Shirt Edward nodded from his prayer bench and pointed, "Deviants, both brothers. Oh my Sweet Blessed Mother, protect us in our hour of need!"

"No, it means that you possess the moral high ground to enact revenge on your brothers. And you proved your virtue by keeping your eyes in respectful locations at all times during that episode compared to what Emmett and Jasper expected."

He whispered something in my ear. It was, of course, brilliant. Mean, too. And he pointed out I could most definitely use Tanya for this one, keeping her occupied and out of trouble. Even Starched Shirt Edward laughed and offered his imprimatur of approval. Then again, he'd been re-reading the history of the Jesuits in early American history to prepare himself to face battle with the proper amount of viciousness.

"Edward?" By my best guess mere seconds had transpired, but I must have been thinking too long. I smelled the adrenaline and fear in her system and blinked like a human. I darted my head around the enclosed garden to check for a wave of shrieking like berserkers purple eyed red-eyed people storming through the wall and trampling the rosebushes. Not the newborns. The other ones. Or Tyler with wilted talkie movie tickets in one hand, car keys in the other. Or limping Mike Newton with a warm Bud-Lite. Or Jacob Black comparing her to canine excrement and offering to bunk with her in exchange for household servitude with a leer. Or.

She gently slapped me across the cheek. It kind of tickled, truth be told. And I definitely wanted her to do it again. Perhaps when we were truly alone.

"Come back, Edward." She struggled to reach across me for the cell phone I'd placed out of her grasp in a lavender bush. She'd have to reach through the thatch of thick marigolds to reach the phone hidden in the purple blooms.

I heard Emmett's voice at vampire pitch shouting, "Edward! Snap out of it! Don't make me have to bust in there and carry your sorry self home by the scruff of your neck. You have two seconds to start yammering, bucko. You're scaring her. Think of her heart."

Appropriately chided, I lifted and pulled her against me, foot long distance be damned, as I rolled to my back. "I'm sorry?" I laced our fingers together with my right hand. Leaning up, she supported her weight with her free right forearm against my chest staring down at me in concern. This was a view I could most definitely contemplate indefinitely for a month or five, provided she didn't elbow me in the throat. I used my thumb on her palm rubbing in small circles, trying to use my powers to send her heartbeat back to its normal rhythm. It did not seem to be working.

"You were out of it. You didn't move or say a thing and I thought you were seizing."

I had no idea what story my Father had given her about my seizures and didn't want to get caught in a lie. Not that one, at least. Fine, not any lie.

"Sometimes I go very still when I'm nervous." I had enough human blood in my system to actually blush. "Would you feel better if my Father examined me as soon as we go home?"

I did not want her fretting about my condition. Although it was incredibly convenient at times. And once again, I was a total bastard using my purported health ailments to lure her home like a carrot in front of a bunny rabbit when her own health was far more disconcerting.

"Fine. Can I have my phone back?" She tried to disentangle our fingers and reach for it where it laid peeking through the blooms.

I did not feel like moving at present, so kept her in place and said, "I considered appropriating it for a moment or two."

"You have your own phone," she logically reminded me. Drat. The silence became painful.

"I'd have better luck with yours."

"Who would you need to call?"

"A helpline for people in trouble."

"You're in trouble?"

"Most assuredly." I definitely wanted to get in trouble with her. Not in a common school garden, of course. I had scruples. Occasionally. The Olympic National Forest would do in a pinch.

"How?"

I let the silence stretch out before I answered, haltingly. The roses fascinated me all of a sudden. They seemed to lean closer in order to listen. Jugurtha was right. They did have aphids. "Most times I have no idea how to act around people. So I say nothing. I'm sorry saying nothing hurt you the other day. I did not know what you wanted to do." This telling the truth business occasionally worked despite that whole given the opportunity I'd prefer to hammer railroad spikes through my tongue than feel this way again. I didn't have to feign the forlorn sound in my words. "I thought remaining quiet showed you respect and trust." There, that sounded feminist. I think. I held my breath waiting for her response.

"How?"

"It was your choice whether or not you wanted to accompany Tyler. And he did not seem romantically interested in you so much as attempting to use you to annoy Lauren." I left out the part that I'd dismantle any car she ever set foot in that had him at the wheel before he could contemplate cranking the key in the ignition. "I'm afraid I don't remember too much about that day beyond that."

"From your pain medication?"

"You could say that. My mind went elsewhere, I felt . . . nervous."

"Why?"

The plastic ceiling drew my fascination. It definitely was not up to code. I'd have to fix that to keep it from landing on her delicate skull. "The last thing I really remember of that conversation was wanting to crawl under the table." I left out the "And tear him from limb to limb sucking the blood from his veins in spite for Tyler having the gall to cause you to feel distressed." But that would have been too much. Tacky, as well.

She sniffed, and patted me on the chest drawing my eyes to hers. "Tyler can't play chess."

"True." I offered her the glimmer of a smile and released her fingers.

She crossed her arms over my breastbone and rested her chin on them. We remained like that for a blissful forty seconds.

"Those climbing roses have aphids. Would you please help me kill them?"

A woman who wanted me to destroy things. She knew me well. And spoiled me so. If only I could get her to drool on me it would be perfect. I wanted to freeze this moment in eternity. And I'd have to remember instead of sending her cut flowers to send her entire plants if I ever did send roses. I picked a nearby daisy and handed it to her with a flourish. She put it in the top button hole of her shirt. Inside, I wanted to jump for joy; but prudence dictated I should appear calm. She had accepted a flower from me. I think that meant I was forgiven.

I rolled to one side, gently dislodging her from my trunk, carefully took to my still shaking feet, and held out a not trembling by the sheer force of my will hand so she could rise gracefully from the grass. All that worked save for the graceful part.

"For you, my Queen, I would slay anything." Well, I would. I'd already annihilated an army of dust mites in her Father's deathtrap of a domicile. We'd definitely slain Billy Black's testicles. And I'd trounced the Violet Gorgon a thousand times over in my dreams. And don't even get me started on what I had planned for Skeevy and his hooligans.

"My phone, please?"

I returned the device to her and it vanished into the voracious mouth of her messenger bag. I was not sure how many times a day she fed that blasted thing, but articles around her always seemed to be sucked into its maw.

We spent the next ten minutes in companionable silent bliss with me holding her aloft by the waist so she could spray soapy water on the afflicted blossoms. It appeared perfectly respectable. I'd have to research new techniques of killing aphids and add them to the list of irritating things in my singer's life that must be demolished. After dust mites, of course. And Jacob Black and his soon to sent to the unhappy hunting grounds testicles. I almost had trouble keeping my hands from shaking. We had a Real Date. Soon. And she was speaking to me again. Sort of. Although we'd not exchanged a word in ten minutes.

The lunch bell rang and reluctantly, I released her to attend class with a scowl at the dratted clock. This pretending to be human routine had to end. Well, some of it had to end. Once this term at Forks High concluded, I was never going to sit through high school again. There was no point without her in it.

Stalking the clock with my eyes like prey, I couldn't wait for school to conclude. Both Mary Alice and Jasper had to remind me on separate occasions to pretend to pay attention. When the bell rang, I moved as quickly as our roles permitted and slowed only when I heard the gym teacher thinking he should ask me to join the track team. He ceased when he saw me limp for a few paces and decided with my sickly complexion, he should reconsider that decision. Fantastic. Now, I looked half-dead to the mortals, too.

She accompanied us back to the house, chatting happily with my sisters. I texted Father about my need for a real looking medical exam. He greeted us and led my girlfriend and me to the medical room that adjoined his study. I let her remain while he examined me, seeing as he did not need to have me remove any clothing. He checked my pupils, fascinated by their reaction to the pen light. Evidently, even my pupils could not act appropriately by mortal or immortal standards upon Father's perusal. And he easily faked taking my blood pressure as the dial faced away from her. Father pronounced that I would not die any time soon, after asking detailed questions about my very real headaches and nausea. I confessed my alleged episode in the garden to him. I could not have her feel she had to breach my privacy by telling my Parents, had I held my tongue instead.

He said, "Bella, I'm so sorry I neglected to explain his condition to you. Edward has temporal lobe epilepsy. And he occasionally has migraines as well."

She surprised me. "That's when he zones out and doesn't answer?"

"Exactly. It can cause patients to feel fright, too. Edward has also experienced a few grand mal seizures lately. We have been working on finding the right adjustment to his medication. It looks worse than it is and his case is mild. His brothers and sisters keep a close eye on him at school because of it. Here's a list of things you should watch for that indicate he's about to have a seizure."

He handed her a written by Mother list as her penmanship was easier to read. I had the most amazing vampire Parents ever. He diagnosed me with human conditions instead of telling her I was a tactless wastrel, who failed to pay attention, or got zapped by supernatural powers and had fits. That would, I'm sure, have gone over well. She would have run shrieking into the woods for real rather than in my nightmares.

Father noted her pallor and said, "I think you've had enough for a while. Bella, you really should lie down after I take your weight." She had gained one pound since her return from the hospital, a small victory. Then Father surprised me and asked, "Edward, please stand on the scales." Baffled, I complied. Since my weight hadn't changed since 1918, I knew how this would unfold. Wait. That scale had to be wrong. Maybe my girlfriend's weight was also inaccurate? This could not be good. She wore her boots today; those had to have added to her weight as well.

"Son, you've lost four pounds. We'll have to increase your food." The whole house heard. Then he had to go and ruin my denial by stepping on the scales and showing me his own weight which had not fluctuated since the 1600's.

I recalled him telling me that by the standards of his time, his height had made him a giant among men, almost a freak of nature which was why he considered me, Jasper, and Emmett towering over him so amusing. It had also explained why he had to flee his hometown after being turned. He stood out in crowds. Literally.

Mother wept over her ledgers in her study. My sisters considered it before adopting composed masks. Jasper went to Mother's side to help calm her and she waved him away politely.

"Did you not notice that your clothes are loose?" Father asked.

"I thought the cloth had stretched."

My girlfriend watched with a worried demeanor. We couldn't have that. She'd suffered enough emotional distress for all time in my opinion.

Father said mentally,_ "You look pale even by vampire standards, Edward. How are you holding up using all this power?"_

At vampire pitch I answered, "I'm still standing." That was vague.

He replied within the confines of my skull, _"There have been cases of immortals with powerful gifts that literally used them to the point where they burned the ability out of their system. Some even died. Please be careful. We have vampire blades. We have the Vancouver coven. We also have the Denalis as well as, it appears, the newborns who most likely will strip naked in front of the enemy and offer an exceptional distraction." _

My lips twitched at supersonic speed at his observation. _"And we have the pack who have done very well in training. If we are attacked I genuinely believe that we do stand a chance at defending ourselves. A lost coven would be suicidal to take the chance of mounting a huge battle, as in days gone by, so I cannot see her sending a large force. The Volturi are in the country. And attacking with a large force would start the wars up all over again because of my connection to the Volturi, which if the coven is intelligent they will have learned. I suspect if she does send anyone, it'll be a force less than twenty." _There had to be something wrong in the fabric of the universe when my immortal Father tried to cheer me by pointing out that we could merely expect twenty slavering venom tattooed veterans of centuries of immortal battles soldiers surrounding the house with vampire blades in their gleaming teeth and hands.

Regardless, I had the best vampire Father ever. He gave me permission to take my girlfriend to bed. I mean to take a nap. After a drought of over fifty-five hours, I could have genuine quality pressed against the flesh time with my singer. Scratch that. I mean my girlfriend. I mean my woman. And I couldn't wait. We'd get that sleeping part over with before the date even happened. I must have lost the weight from the strain the past few days. We left the study hand in hand, although I don't recall who reached for whom.

Mother had left her a nightgown on her side of the bed and had turned the sheets down.

"What's this?" she asked feeling the fabric of the gown with fingertips as I handed the bottle of her migraine medication to her.

Mother said in my mind, _"It's designed to end mid-calf which would make it easier for her to move and less likely to trip. So don't stare at her ankles, dear."_

"Mother liked the color and Rosalie and Mary Alice bought matching gowns, which confuses me. I thought all women didn't want to wear the same dress." She smiled at that. "It's your home too, now, you know." She needed to understand that I would not be returning her to the dubious care of her idiot Father.

"I'll wear my pajamas if you'll wear yours." Oh, little girl, the thoughts that inspired in me.

"You have yourself a deal."

Rosalie followed us into the room, ending those thoughts. At least for now. It wouldn't do to shatter glass in front of a sibling. I'd have to practice contemplating thinking about kissing her without nipping her neck later.

I changed in the bathroom, and our bedroom hadn't seen the light of day since she had left it, so I didn't need to worry about closing the shutters. To my distress, she had fallen asleep with her hand reaching out to my side of the bed by the time I finished changing at a human pace.

She had needed me and I had not been there. I wanted to be the last thing she saw before she slumbered. I certainly enjoyed having her be the last thought when I fell into the embrace of human sleep. I walked to the bed listening to her vitals and breath sounds, knowing Rosalie did the same. And that whole listening to the human business sparked my temper although I maintained a tranquil demeanor.

I surprised my sister by saying, "Rose, would you mind sitting with her for a moment? There's something I need to take care of."

Starched Shirt Edward emerged from the library holding our journal - well his version anyway. Humming he turned to various entries running his finger along the blue ink in his precise print. Even his writing appeared uptight. "Our vampire family has carried on a tradition of betting since the arrival of Jasper and Mary Alice. This custom is Jasper's fault. And it has sunk its claws into Emmett. They are in need of a cure."

Jugurtha interjected, "The problem is that it is so 'normal' for them to do it that they acted on reflex. They remembered the conditions that earned wrath from the last time and made sure they did not duplicate them. We do not need to expend energy defending ourselves from needless practical jokes. And they need to understand this. My plan will see they learn." True. So true. It would require considerable acting skill. Given my headache and nausea, I hoped I could deliver the performance of a lifetime.

Seething over the latest prank, which was wrong, on so many levels, I vowed virtual vengeance, despite the innocent on purpose tone of my brother's current thoughts. I might have walked into it willingly, but they should have known I had ...well...I did not want to observe the sordid goings on in that locker room. Jugurtha's plan hinged on the fact that they all had been worried about my mental state seeing as I had all those powers raging through me, not to mention my interest in a human, which shocked them apparently more than orgies interruptus in the locker room at Forks High. Currently, my brothers pretended to be worried about my weight.

I went outside and sat on the stone bench on the back area of Esme's garden. It lay within my "range" of being able to read other's thoughts - at least the one my family thought I had. Father was busy consoling Mother swearing that I'd eat enough for an army of vampires - poor choice of words there - and gain the weight back within no time at all. He'd personally oversee it.

Desperate times called for audacious measures. And I was most definitely in a devil-may-care mood, which explained why I stooped to asking Tanya within her mind, _"Might I have a moment of your time?" _And I must confess Grace and I enjoyed watching my cousin leap around the room like an electrified eel, staring everywhere until she realized that I spoke telepathically. Her sisters, knowing better, held their tongues as she regained her composure, raised her palm, and waved them to silence. She signed in American Sign Language, "Edward is speaking to me in my mind, sisters!"

This was something twisted enough to bring a venom tear to her eye, I predicted. Considering her kill count established over centuries made mine appear like a dollhouse to a skyscraper, I could hardly accuse her of being tender-hearted, nor sentimental. Not that she had a functioning heart, either; thank the sweet Lord on high.

_"Yes, dearest?"_ Occasionally, Tanya could be discreet. She had not told a soul about our conversation weeks ago; when she'd explained to me that the lovely lady currently lying in my bed was not a demon, but a treat designed by destiny for me and me alone. And for that, I respected her. Probably that alone.

Tanya kept her responses confined to her mind, realizing with bated breath I did not want others to hear our conversation. In some ways, she could be newborn-like foolish in her determination to change my regard for her. And I hated it when she called me that endearment with an arched brow, although I did observe and appreciate that her hands had not signed the phrase to her family. So to aid Tanya in understanding our familial only relationship and spread chaos as well, I included her sisters and mine in on the telepathic discussion.

Watching them all jump in time as they stared at me from their various positions in the guest cottage and our house proved amusing as well. I sat at the bench with my back to them throwing stones at the river. Women were sensitive creatures. I should know. I didn't mind that showing this amount of power indicated a slight increase in the range of my gift's reach. That would be a strategic loss I willingly endured.

"Emmett and Jasper played a joke on me the other day as a bet." I could tell from the tilt of Tanya's lips she knew all about it, but only afterwards. She even felt sympathy for me. Being subjected to the antics of such rank amateurs could have sexually scarred me for eternity, she fretted.

Kate and Irina winced because they considered how embarrassed they imagined I had felt when beaming the thoughts of the newborns to them, appreciating my shy nature. This bet apparently was news to Rosalie and Mary Alice, whose tempers soared in a duo performance into the upper regions of the stratosphere. The fact that Mary Alice had failed to see it pushed her "my visions aren't working" emotional button. I hated causing distress to my sisters. But I did so in the name of spite. Their mates had earned mine. And fiddling with me, they hadn't learned from the first time, needed to cease. It was a good thing Jasper was out of range with Paula and the wolves. "I'm in mind to pay them back, and I thought you would find it amusing." I said to my enraptured audience.

_"Depends on what you have in mind, tiger," _Tanya said.

We kept the conversation mental because Emmett currently fondled, I mean worked on his beloved Jeep in the garage. If there was such a thing as car pornography, he was the patient zero for the illness. And our Parents were talking in the library and I didn't want to tattle to them. Not about the car pornography which everyone knew about anyway, but definitely about the orgy watching bet.

Since Jasper currently trained with the pack, accompanied by Peter, Charlotte, Carmen, and her mate, he wasn't in range to feel the hysterics Tanya and everyone else had. Paula felt my ire through our shaman link so I briefed her. This was one of those times I thanked the stars she couldn't speak to the pack as it kept them out of the loop. Paula eyed Jasper's ankles like she considered nibbling on them in my name. With relish, she had a suggestion. Or two. Tanya added a third and fourth. Rosalie a fifth. Mary Alice a sixth. I had to give them credit for having better imaginations than my own. When you added in the Denali sisters and mine, who collectively penned the script, with Paula's evil 'bury the hatchet' kind of strategies, we had vengeance nirvana.

Considering what Paula had done to her own flesh and blood, mine were, therefore, in serious trouble. They just didn't know it yet, I gloated. Tanya gushed about how magnificent I was that I could plot this without saying a word or alerting the others. Then she wondered how that would work in ...and managed to catch herself before having inappropriate thoughts.

Laurent sniffed in disdain at Tanya's enthusiasm, and insisted on adding in a word here and there to the fascination of the other newborns who had joined in on the fun. Uppity fake Frenchman, who changed the spelling of his name from Lóránt to Laurent simply to woo strumpets. His changes did add authenticity to the role, I had to admit. I only required ten seconds to practice but to make them all happy I did it mentally for long enough that all were satisfied I could play the role convincingly. Even Laurent.

Mary Sue newborn thought I looked, "totally hot" and encouraged me to break a leg. Such strange things came from that woman's brain. Paula gently explained what breaking a leg meant. Oh. Why didn't Mary Sue just think_ that_ in the first place? Perhaps I should have Father examine her and her sisters for brain damage.

Speaking of hysterics on an entirely different emotional range, Jasper's irate wife most definitely agreed with the plan and said, "That will totally work." Lysistrata One and Lysistrata Two decided they were on another sexual strike, scribbling furious notes back and forth to one another sitting in my room in the pitch black. They intended to use the excuse that it was better not to have sex before battle because it improved fighting skills, increased battle lust, and made the sexual relations after fighting had concluded more intense. There would be nothing that their husbands could say about that since my sisters planned on arguing they sacrificed pleasure to ensure the welfare of their husbands. Spitefully, I hoped the Violet Gorgon didn't attack for a decade or three.

I thanked the good Lord above that Rosalie and I had never actually been mates. I would have killed her. Or she, me. My sisters gave up marital relations with their mates. For me. I shook my head. Twice. The world must be coming to an end. I almost shuddered to think what would happen if my brothers crossed them a third time.

Mary Alice had texted her husband asking him to help her for a moment track an account of Liam's. Not able to resist the siren call of chasing Mr. O'Shea, he leapt for the bait and swallowed the hook and the fishing rod. When he came within hearing range slobbering at the challenge of tackling Liam, I approached Emmett in his garage.

A beaming Laurent stood at my side arms crossed against his chest surveying the room as if it smelled like a pig sty, and that we should be privileged he graced us with his presence. Emmett wondered what I was doing in my pajamas having expected me to be sleeping by my singer as I had huge rings under my eyes and appeared, in his opinion, like calling me dog excrement would be a step up. How delightful. That would work even better.

"Uh, What's up?" Emmett said. "You like tired, Edward."

"I can't sleep. I have a confession to make," I said to the tire of his Jeep.

"You do?"

"Indeed." I stared at the floor and flushed.

Laurent became all gooey-eyed at the scent of the human blood and said, "You can do this, exactly like we practiced in the woods, big boy."

_"Big Boy? Practice? Woods?"_ Emmett and Jasper mentally shouted. Followed by many obscenities in Emmett's mind. _"Christ, we must have really confused him. I could have sworn he was straight. Not that there's anything wrong with him not being straight, I mean. What the heck has he done with Laurent? I'm gonna have to kill him for seducing my ignorant baby brother."_

"When you made me watch the newborns," my voice trailed off as I focused on the rim of the tire in front of me.

"Yeah?"

"Well that was the first time I've ever witnessed any sexual activity."

"Like ever?"

"Yes." I appeared like I wanted to fall through the floor. And blushed even more.

Jasper reminded himself mentally, _"I did not sense anything beyond revulsion. He's probably going to confess that or his ignorance about the sex toys. I can easily imagine him being concerned that he's asexual. This can be handled. Besides, I think Emmett can handle explaining anal beads far better than I."_

I might have been forced to watch their grotesque behavior, but I most definitely had not stooped to surveying anyone's anus. How could my brothers tell the participants had bumps or warts or whatever those bead things were down there that Jasper mentioned? I hadn't learned of that particular condition in medical school. This was so confusing. I did not have to fake that feeling.

"Ok. Do you have any questions?" He sounded almost fatherly there, for a minute.

"I'm so glad you asked. I'm so embarrassed."

"I promise you can ask me anything, Edward. Laurent and I, between the two of us, I'm sure, can answer any question you have." He sounded professional. Calm. And considered leading us upstairs to his bedroom to play show and tell with ...ew while explaining their use considering I had a date tonight with my girlfriend and might one day in the far distant future need to be prepared.

I all but hopped from foot to foot in agitation, wringing my hands, "Well, I found watching them...oh I can't say it..."

Tanya cooed from outside into my mind, _"You're doing so well, Edward. Keep the moving from foot to foot up. Run your fingers through your hair and puff out breath a few times. Pace, too."_

She ought to be the expert on nervous men with performance issues, so I followed her counsel. Laurent reached over and smoothed a lock of my now mangled coiffure back in place. I took no notice as I made rounds of the three feet in front of panicking Emmett.

Laurent rolled his eyes then patted me on the shoulder, "There, there, you can do it _mon ami."_

"What?" Emmett prodded.

Jasper listened mentally doing gymnastics of concern, _"Oh my God, the shame pouring off of him, this is bad. This is really bad. We've stepped over the line again. Alice is going to kill me. Emmett, we're going to be bunkmates for eternity."_ He loosely chanted something vulgar that translated to, _"Oh my stars!"_

Shaking with shame, I whispered at vampire pitch, "Upon further reflection, I found it . . . well. . .um. . . arousing." That last word sounded torn from my soul. I did. Just not sexually. Revolting arousing. So I was totally telling the truth and Jasper couldn't know I lied as I thought about my singer's gorgeous...well never mind. I thought about her charms and stirred up some good old fashioned appropriate for me lust. Followed by a swarm of shame serenaded by Starched Shirt Edward.

"Oh, well that's normal."

"Even if I found watching Laurent appealing? If he was more appealing than watching the women? When thinking back on what I witnessed, I couldn't take my eyes off his..." I stopped. "And I don't know how to tell Bella."

Starched Shirt Edward hissed, "Stare at the ground! Remember, we're supposed to act like we want hell to open up and swallow us!"

As Emmett gawped Laurent preened and managed the amazing feat of looking down his nose while cricking his neck up at Emmett as he said, "I tend to have that effect on people. It's the Frenchman in me, I'm afraid. I'm irresistible." He gave a Gallic shrug.

"You're not French, you're Hungarian," Emmett said.

Laurent airily waved an arm, "Why let a little detail like geography dictate the nature of my soul? The second I arrived in France it called out to me like Mother's milk."

_"Then maybe you'd learn to speak it with the proper accent, big boy," _Emmett thought.

"Edward, what do you need to tell Bella?" Emmett reminded himself that it was a good thing we had blocked off Genevieve as she would totally kill me for breaking up with her Granddaughter before I even took her out on a proper date. On that, he did have a point.

"Well, I had planned on asking Bella to marry me." That halted the conversation in the library between my Parents, who had attempted not to listen but twitched at that word. Mother inhaled with joy. Father smiled from ear to ear. If I knew declaring my formal intentions would spark this reaction, I would have definitely done so earlier.

"You did?" Jasper stumbled outside, and tripped headfirst into the shrubbery.

"I don't know how to do that now. What is the etiquette of asking a human girl to enter into an open marriage with others?"

Jasper spat out wet leaves guiltily. Mother clutched at her throat, eyes wide. Father smelled a rat. And smirked, while patting her shoulder.

Mother worried my weight loss had made me delusional. The look on Father's face clued her in and she covered her mouth and thought, _"Go Edward. Tell him you want to sleep with Tanya. He'll die."_ Little did she know, I could do better than that horrifying concept.

"Open what? Others?"

"I want to make up for lost time. Tanya has agreed to personally tutor me. Kate and Irina, too. To make sure I can please everyone."

Tanya entered the room with a cheery, "Hey Emmett! Do you have a crescent wrench I can borrow? We need to use it to adjust William's wheelchair. Edward, how is the talk going?"

"Good?" I hung my head and swung my arms.

"You didn't tell him about...that other thing?" She asked cocking her head to one side and studying Emmett with a mysterious smile. She could give the Mona Lisa competition in that department. This part was Paula's idea.

"What other thing?" Emmett gave a strangled whisper.

"Now, Edward, we have to be honest. You can do it." Tanya soothed.

"Well...um...ah...ahem..."

I stayed silent for two minutes while my brothers writhed and waited for me to speak, which also was Paula's idea. And worked oh so well.

Finally, I elected to put them back in their misery, "After watching the newborns I had a strong desire to stare at you and Jasper. Like that." I called up the human blood in my system to blush again and spoke that line in a tortured whisper. The Quileute spirits were happy to aid me as they disliked being used needlessly and for pornographic purposes. Sweat broke out on my forehead. And palms.

"Like what?" Emmett thought I wanted to compare the sizes of our...manly parts. As if.

"Well, you know. And I became even more frightened because Rosalie and Mary Alice started becoming appealing that way as well. Mother and Father, too."

Tanya said, "Emmett, I explained to him that it's all perfectly natural given his sheltered past and suggested he share those feelings with everyone in order to work through them."

I nodded my head in agreement, flushing. "So I'm starting with you." I clapped my arm around his shoulder in an imitation of a move he had done to me not so long ago, "I really do admire you, Emmett."

"Ah, I admire you too; big guy, but I have a mate." His panicked mind wanted to let me down gently. He had no idea I was gay. Or bi. Or whatever. Not that there was anything _wrong_ with all of that. He swore he supported glad by purchasing lesbian pornography. I didn't know we had a Miss Glad in Forks, and I found it highly offensive that he categorized her by her private choices. I'd have to look her up to make sure he hadn't shamed the family, given his disability. My next words cut off his thought.

"Oh, I admire her as well. Maybe Father was onto something all those years ago when he brought Rosalie home for me. I guess I'm a late bloomer." Rosalie had penned that line with a spiteful smile.

"This is all part of being a family, Emmett, and natural. You'd do anything to help your brother, wouldn't you?" Tanya purred, running her hand down his other arm, crouching to the ground in front of his feet for a crescent wrench that lay forlorn on the floor. Rosalie stuffed a pillow in her face to keep from shrieking at the strangled noises coming from her mate. She and Mary Alice held each other's hands in joy. And of course, I let all the participants who were in on the joke witness what was happening in the garage with Grace's assistance. It was only fair.

Father thought,_ "That boy has lately started to show signs that he is definitely from my line. They're never going to see what he has planned coming. And I'm not going to interfere."_ He held up a hand to his wife motioning her to silence with a smirk, followed by a kiss. Moving right along, my mind returned to vengeance.

I think Jasper did the mental equivalent of vampire fainting when he saw Tanya go down on her knees before Emmett...and felt all the lust she blasted in his and only his direction. He sat there literally drooling on a rosebush, hands covering his manly parts. Jasper was so overwhelmed and confused by the lust and shame beamed at him. He struggled with all his might due to that promise to never beam lust at me - for self-control.

That's when Kate, and Irina, and the ever so eager chorus of newborns exploded into the garage and said, "Wonderful! Can we join?" I thought his eyes were going to roll back into his head at the blast from them.

Jasper was chanting in his thick skull,_ "Discipline. Discipline. Discipline,"_ in an effort not to hurt me by broadcasting his emotions.

Dallas Faith started to adjust her shirt, merely loosening her collar and one button, thank the Good lord. That was enough to terrify Emmett into remembering his pornographic collection. The other one. He panicked because Rose was currently borrowing his laptop upstairs. He had visions of a shrieking mate trying to dismember him. He stared at Tanya blinking up at him with the wrench in her hand all innocent-looking and smacked himself for having disgusting thoughts.

With the perfect tone of confusion in her voice, Rosalie said out loud, "I didn't know Emmett was into tulips - that is what he had labeled the folder that contained the filth.

"Aw, how sweet." She clicked on it and inhaled in genuine sounding outrage as she opened the folder containing the film. Her husband winced as he heard the first few seconds play.

Emmett blurted to Dallas Faith, "You vowed to be chaste for two centuries!" Inside he thought, _"Rose is going to kill me, Jeez! And poor Edward. God, what did we do?"_

Mary Sue newborn laughed merrily and said, "True. We vowed that we can't have orgasms. But Emmett, we never vowed that we could not give them to you. Or any one else." She positively glowed as she took a step towards him giving me a lingering look of lust. She peered around his shoulder and noticed Jasper sprawled on the ground through the garage window. Mary Sue positively sang, "Oh, goody, I see Jasper out there in the shrubbery holding his aroused self." She clapped her hands in command, "Sisters! Play time! That poor man needs our help! Fetch the hottie! And his wife! And the other wife! And the parents! Let's play newborn Twister!" She shouted that last line.

Mother and Father didn't have to fake their gasps from the library. They thought Emmett and Jasper would suffer more if they remained silent.

One of the newborns hit a button that started Emmett's music collection. The telltale tune, "You Shook Me All Night Long" boisterously blared from the speakers like a carnival barker as the newborns started to dance and toy with their clothing and hemlines, teasing Emmett. Who gulped.

The newborn sisters squealed on cue and moved towards him like piranhas on bloody meat.

Rosalie hissed from upstairs, "Emmett McCarthy, you are going to envy a pile of ashes by the time I'm done with you."

Mary Alice didn't say a word. She simply let her anger blast her mate. Who literally did a back flip from the force of it in the bushes. Addie Mae and Carol Lynn were closing in on him fast, twin gamine grins on their face oohing with lust.

I leaned forward towards Emmett smelling him. Jugurtha said it would be the killing blow. Emmett was frozen with the deer before the fangs hit expression. "Ah, Edward, I'm sorry but."

"Gotcha." I met his eyes and smirked in satisfaction. I extended my hand to Tanya like a gentlemen and aided her in standing since Emmett was too busy gaping glassy-eyed.

I took out a crisp dollar bill from my pajama pocket and handed it to Tanya. "Congratulations."

Emmett wailed, "You bet one dollar?"

"No. I bet ten cents. And Tanya won. Keep the change." I said to her.

"What did you bet?"

"I bet you wouldn't last ten minutes before cracking." Emmett was slightly appeased at the concept of ten minutes. At least I respected his endurance.

Tanya chirped as she patted Emmett's cheek, "Poor boy is so inexperienced. I bet you wouldn't last three, Mr. Premature Reactor, as you broke in two minutes and sixteen seconds. Enjoying the shrubbery, Jasper?" My other brother sat pole-axed outside furiously thinking about how he'd been played. Again.

The newborns that stood in front of him giggled and said, "You're cute when you're angry, you know. Better get inside and see your mate. We don't recommend attempting make-up sex at present."

Reality intruded into my merriment. Emmett and the others noted the pale by vampire standards face I had as the pain kicked in again causing me to grab my head and stomach. The wolf ring flared for all to see before I put it back up again in place and stiffly resumed my usual posture. Kate had her hand on my back in concern. Mary Alice darted into the kitchen and entered the garage. She handed me a bag of warmed blood, others ready on a tray. Gulping at the sight of it, I forced myself to drink three bags.

Jasper came in the room trailed by Addie Mae and Carol Lynn who studied his backside like it was a piece of art hanging in a museum. He waved de-lust right back at them without turning around.

Tanya said, "Boys, my impression of Edward's symptoms is that he can only use the power if he feels pain and his suffering increases the more power he has to use. Your bet was selfish and wasteful. What do you think would have happened if the shield around the wolves broke? Or if he passed out when you needed him the most from being overtaxed? Even I know better than to tease him about his private life at present."

Irina chided, "We came here to defend you from a venom tattooed army. And you're tormenting your brother who is your greatest source of hidden strength and leeching his power? Why don't you just lie down and hang signs around your neck that say, 'Fresh Vampire For Free?' Fools." She appeared angry enough to start dismembering Jasper and Emmett.

Mary Sue said, "We might have led misguided lives, but we never once forced anyone to watch us play." Her sisters and Laurent nodded on cue and appeared saddened for my brothers. Which really smarted. For them. Speaking of smarting.

Kate turned to me and said, "Edward, do you think the Quileute spirits would mind enlightening your brothers as to how you felt on that day at that time? They might learn more that way." Brilliant.

Drawing on their natural hatred for all things vampire, the Quileute spirits were only too happy to share with alas, my entire family and the newborns, and Carmen, Peter, Charlotte, as well as the wolves. Everyone fell to the ground save my sleeping girlfriend who snored, unaffected.

"I'm sorry. I did not ask the spirits to do that to everyone." I blurted.

"Jesus Christ," Tanya whispered and uncharacteristically, crossed herself. Irina nodded and stood first, aiding her sisters to stand. They stared at me, not bothering to hide their pity.

Rosalie had not left my girlfriend's side. From her place where she'd fallen to the carpet she crawled toward the bed and thought, _"I have no earthly idea why he's not truly dead for good."_ She and Mary Alice bit their cheeks to maintain composure. My brothers lay on the ground pondering their pain. And to their credit, my own.

Irina said, "You all knew all along that he has been vomiting, having migraines, and fainting due to these powers and you still abused him this way?" She shook her head in disgust.

Kate said, "Thanks for proving to us that you can behave like complete imbeciles. I think you should both get back to practicing. Combat. After what you've done to Edward, we're going to have to fight harder now." That really sliced the tactician in Jasper.

Paula howled on cue. The pack had no idea why she howled first but it was cool sounding so they decided to do it too now that they weren't prone on the ground from whatever the heck that was.

Mary Alice said, "The wolves will be at risk as well."

Over in their section of the forest, Carmen, Peter, Charlotte and Eleazar stood gingerly. Eleazar took out his phone and dialed Father, who answered the phone with a, "One moment please." He said to my brothers, "When you are done with your training for the night, stop by the study. We're going to have a long chat. Eleazar is about to be told to expect you both." He then had a short chat with his now livid friend, who positively could not wait to get his hands on my brothers. For training purposes, of course.

Mary Alice said to me, "Rosalie's upstairs and she and I will guard you both while you sleep. You look exhausted, and Bella is getting restless like a nightmare is coming on." She reached out and took my hand, Irina the other arm. My sisters were amazing! My cousins, too! I even had fond thoughts for the newborns. It would be a cold day in hell before I granted Laurent's current wish for playtime with me and my girlfriend. But still.

And watching Emmett and Jasper's faces at being scolded by the Denalis was priceless. Especially since Irina was the quietest one of them and rarely spoke to others aside from her sisters.

On that note, I felt enough had been said. My work here was done. I went upstairs to my room after my brothers mumbled, "Sorry, Edward."

"Lord Edward, you look horrible." Rosalie was her usual blunt self. My brothers winced in shame. "We'll stay here watching over you both while you sleep. And I'm sorry I didn't realize what they were doing the other day and stop it. I should have been more observant." Rosalie pushed me towards my side of the bed. This made Mary Alice angry all over again for not predicting it.

I didn't have to be told twice as I crawled on the mattress, too tired to get under the covers. The second I pulled my girlfriend against my chest, my eyes slammed shut. The last thing I recalled was sighing. She was in my arms, again. Where she belonged. I felt her hand go around my waist and with a smile on my face reverently kissed the top of her head, basking in her forgiveness. I surrendered to the pull of sleep feeling the balm of her touch and the sensation of her scent on my psyche. Then, I felt like I plunged down a deep well, the air crashing against my flapping in the wind clothing. Landing actually hurt. A lot.

When I opened my eyes I saw the last thing on earth I ever expected beaming down at me with an ecstatic smile. The Violet Gorgon really did have lovely eyes.

(I could have ended it here. But noooo, I love you all too much. *sniff* *wipes away venom tear*)

I felt the slab of the stone floor on my back as I lay at her feet. The chamber was lit by moonlight alone. From the inky darkness, I saw her step forth. And she smiled from ear to ear, in terrifying beauty and said, "Youngling, you hold something of mine. And you will surrender it to me. Now."

I tried to move but was frozen in place. So I turned to the one thing I could use, my wits, "Frustrated at not being able to break into my bride's mind are you, madam?" I scored a direct hit with that. Hezekiah appeared in human form in an impressive stench-splosion. He waved an arm which lifted me to my feet. Grace patted my shoulder checking me for damage.

"This does not concern you, servant. How dare you interfere?" the Gorgon spat at Hezekiah.

I must admit I am not shamed to say the violet light at her fingertips did appear intimidating. It was almost black in color at the edges. I translated her words to him since apparently she didn't speak a word of English and I knew for a fact he didn't understand Oscan. His lips twitched at the word 'servant'.

"Tell her that as you are my student, you are my responsibility. And any threat to you will be dealt with by yours truly." Hezekiah studied her with a persnickety scowl, tapping his foot acting bored. Which actually was kind of hilarious. He behaved as if he smelled something fouler than himself and had too much of a sense of manners to comment. He objected to the servant label as he'd worn his best suit and tie and a flower in his lapel. The walking stick gleamed with polish recently applied. Jenny had personally arranged his tie.

The Violet Gorgon appeared like she was going to vomit once the wind took his spiritual scent near her. She covered her mouth.

I said, "I am his apprentice. He is not a servant. You have upset him and he is cranky by nature. Please use a more respectful tone. Since he cannot understand a word of Oscan, you can threaten me all you like as long as your voice sounds pleasant about it. And word to the wise, stand downwind and back up a step or five."

She actually laughed. I had the sensation from the look of shock on her face when she'd finished that it had been literally ages since she'd done that. It appeared to anger her further.

Then her face grew fierce. "What have you done with her?"

"To whom do you refer?" I was not giving away information for free. I wasn't born yesterday.

"I felt but could not see her presence. What have you done with my child? She won't even talk to me, or show herself to me, her own Mother." If she could feel but not see, that meant she was talking about Young to Me Old Power. And I genuinely had no idea where she'd gone, much less what in blazes she looked like. But I knew where to find out, if I survived the next few minutes. That was when all hell broke loose.

She saw my palms. And I could only surmise from the astonished expression on her face that this offered definitive proof that she had not been the one to give me the scars. Her ignorance therefore proved, I concluded with joy, that she had not been able to observe any of our activities since she'd been exiled from my girlfriend spirit. If she didn't know about the marks that adorned me, she most definitely didn't know about those plastered all over my little bottle cap.

The Gorgon snatched my hands in her own and said while tracing the venom scar on my upturned palm with care, "I've searched for centuries. You will tell me where she is."

I actually felt pity for her then. I couldn't read her mind in spirit form. She was too powerful and blocked me. But I could see her eyes. They mirrored my human Mother's the night of her death. For a moment, I forgot about that nearly killing my singer bit that she'd done.

"Madam, she would not directly communicate with me but used another spirit as an intermediary, hiding her form. She said I was not powerful enough to speak to her." I could tell by the expression on her anguished face she believed me. I suppose snobby behavior was genetic. Which made me wonder why I could speak to the Gorgon because I felt all kinds of energy coming from her.

"My own child. She did not recognize me. You will help me find her."

"I will on one condition."

"You are not in a position of power to bargain, youngling. I could keep you in this state for eternity. Him, too." She nodded contemptuously at Hezekiah.

"Actually dear lady, I am. I'm the only one in my coven who has that knowledge. Keeping me in this state grants you nothing but the dubious joy of my presence. And do you really want to smell him for all eternity?" Her lips curled in the shadow of a smile. I continued, "How were you separated from your child? Did you quarrel?"

"No. We were attacked by the Romanians when she was young. In the melee we were separated. I have searched for her spirit ever since. That night was the first time I'd felt it. And she attacked me. Her own mother." She wept.

I saw in the Gorgon's eyes a soul that, if possible, seemed more miserable than my own. I knew how it felt to long for a departed relative I could never see. I could only imagine what it felt like to search the earth knowing my human mother still lived, yet unable to find her.

"So you never meant to hurt my bride?"

"I found a portal to my child through her by chance. She was my only way of reaching out to my daughter. She's no good to me dead."

"You almost killed her. The spirits using her body weakened her heart and lungs." She could see the truth in my eyes. "Halt your attack on my family and I'll help you." I would give anything on this earth to see my human mother but she didn't need to know that. Instead I said, "I understand your pain. I miss my own Mother." I extended my hand.

Hezekiah had been following the translation I sent him. He said to the Gorgon, "It would help if you would tell us your daughter's name and appearance. He and I could do a summoning."

"Your crude power will do no good." Now that was insulting. She looked like Rosalie evaluating a bad outfit on a human. And she ignored my outstretched hand.

My teacher cackled at her. "The crude power wielded by yours truly has kept you out for quite some time, lady. I only let you in when I decided you were calm enough to talk like a civilized being. And my young apprentice threw you out rather easily the other day. Think of what I could do with that crude power seeing as I have more of it at my beck and call." Hezekiah said. Gawping, I translated his exact words. I had no idea if he lied. He habitually held back information on me. Perhaps he had an army of geezers?

"I will hold my army off for another week." She conceded. "But then you have to produce them. Or I'll simply take you by force. And your entire family to ensure your cooperation."

"Seeing as we're close with the Volturi that could cause all sorts of problems."

"They don't threaten me. I care not," she shrugged her shoulders.

I changed tactics. "Who do you mean when you say the term 'them'?" She now had me completely confused. Young to me Old Power had been the only non-corporeal entity left in the room aside from Grace when the Quileute spirits had departed after the Gorgon's attack on my girlfriend's soul. I recalled Young to me Old Power telling me via Grace that she was sorry as she lost her temper. Apparently she had stamped me as well most likely during said conniption fit. Will wonders never cease?

"You'll bring me her brother as well. Where you find one, you will find the other. I want my children."

"Grace? Can you find Young to me Old Power?"

"Yes. She talks me."

"She's spoken to you more than that day?"

"Yes."

"About what?"

"You."

"When was the last time you talked to her?"

"Now."

"She's in the room? Shielding herself?"

"Yes. She worried you harm. Watch."

A winged gyrfalcon sailed into the room and landed on my shoulder. The Gorgon's face transformed and I have not the words to describe the transcendent joy as she opened her arms weeping. For a moment I feared she'd try to embrace me. With certainty, I knew I did not do well with hysterical females. The bird pecked at my head affectionately, I hope. Either that or she was hungry. My headache lessened dramatically as I felt her power flow through me.

She hopped to the ground and from her form emerged a tall woman with black hair in a plait like they did to horse tails wearing a dark tunic and pants. Her boots looked handmade, and were of deerskin. She was a head taller than her mother. I did not see her face, nor for that matter did Grace, and Young to Me Old Power with a shimmering wave literally shoved Hezekiah and I out of the room, and slammed the door. Apparently, the family reunion would be a private one. We found ourselves back in our leather chairs in the forest.

"Harrumph. That was one upset biddy. Too bad we didn't get to see if her daughter slugged her. Or what she looked like."

"Indeed."

"Now that she has what she wants. I don't think she'll bother you any longer."

"I saw no sign of the mysterious brother she demanded I produce. I'd be an idiot to trust her."

"I'm not saying you shouldn't still prepare. It never hurts to be cautious. If they can't find the brother, they might think Bella is a conduit that can help. Or you, since you have power they've never seen, they might think it useful to add you to the coven. And the daughter cast a spell on you that stripped you of your scent."

Lovely.

"Edward," he scratched a long finger against his liver spotted hand, "The haughty one was mighty surprised when she saw the scars on your hands."

"I can't imagine why, I remember them burning into my flesh when she grabbed my hands that night. I thought she had given them to me."

"Nope. Looks like her kid did and put herself between the two of you. That must have been why the Gorgon looked so desperate. She sensed her young. I can't imagine if I searched for years to find my child, and once I found her she attacked me and didn't know who I was. That had to smart."

"She is aristocratic and therefore tricky. I don't know a word of truth fell from those lips."

"So you didn't notice the hem of her dress?"

"No, why should I? It's a dress. Nothing more."

"Look at her feet." He shut his eyes and sent me the image of her from his mind. I focused on the bottom of her gown and started. "By Jove."

The entire hem was sewn with silver thread in the shape of gyrfalcons. Ones that resembled the scars on my hands.

"What did Liam and Genevieve get themselves into that they were involved with vampires who are that protective of Bella, but didn't lift a finger to stop her family's murder? That don't sound like friends to me." Hezekiah spluttered.

"I honestly have no idea."

"The committee says you need to look at your Pa's library on the lost covens. And maybe ask those older guests of yours to talk about them. It doesn't make sense that you have all those battles being fought and no one utters a peep about it years later. And Jenny said she's mighty proud of you for asking your little missy out. She says be sure to dress up, comb your hair, and bring her flowers. Oh, and you need to tell her she looks pretty."

"She said all that?" Her advice had worked so far.

"All but the last part. She sure liked it when I told her how pretty she was. Can't hurt." For a moment I glimpsed the young rogue he had been back in the day as he cracked a grin.

When I woke up I found Rosalie's face alternating between alarm and irritation.

"What's wrong?" I turned to see my girlfriend asleep with a smile on her face snoring away.

"Someone has trust issues." She sniffed. Mary Alice said nothing but appeared concerned.

"How can I have trust issues? I was asleep."

"Edward, the second you went to mortal sleep her necklace started glowing and so did you." She shut her eyes and sent me the image.

"I didn't do that consciously. I met the Gorgon, you see."

"What?" They both shrieked so loud they woke up my girlfriend who leapt into my chest.

I said, "Shh everything's ok," and breathed on her as she shook. My hands stroked her hair that I accidentally on purpose took down from that tight plait only to discover to my distress that her hair had been harmed. It bent at strange angles from whatever my sisters had done to her. I stroked it praying it would return to its usual shape.

"What was that?" She rubbed her eyes.

"You could give her a heart attack," I scolded them at vampire pitch.

"Goodness, Bella. I'm so sorry; Edward just surprised us by telling us what he planned to do on your date."

"He did?" She turned a vivid hue of rose.

On that note, Mother and Father walked in carrying trays they set up at my desk.

"Bella, dear, I'm sorry my daughters woke you in such a startling manner. You've had a good two hours of sleep. We've brought dinner. I made enchiladas using the Clearwater directions. Sue said you liked the verde sauce."

"Thank you." She beamed at my mother, taking her hand and stepping from the bed.

As was proper I had stayed above the covers given the number of guests we had skulking about. So I reached across to the chair by my side and tossed my girlfriend's bathrobe to Mary Alice, who held it out for her to don. Father mysteriously produced one from my closet a dark ruby red one that made me look like the host on that Masterpiece Theater show Mother loved to watch from time to time.

At vampire pitch, my sisters apologized profusely, and I told them, "Forgiven." I sent the family the mental image of what happened, holding onto my head as the pain resumed while my sisters kept my human occupied with her back to me.

"You look better. Does your head still hurt?" My girlfriend asked without turning around. Scary smart, that one.

"Oh, I'm sure it'll pass soon. They don't last very long. How's yours?"

"Good." My family nodded at us and vanished from the room.

From the library, Jasper said, "I don't trust that the Gorgon will leave us alone. Not for one minute."

Well, on the additional bad news front that meant we wouldn't have to dig up the Swans or Liam O'Shea anytime soon for irritating the enemy purposes. I turned my regard to my girlfriend.

"Miss Swan, I'm surprised your nose didn't grow an inch."

"Are you implying I'm lying?" She huffed, hands on her waist.

"No, I'm plainly stating you're lying."

"I'll have you know I don't like lying. I'm not very good at it."

"Really? I never would have suspected." I did not bother to hide the sarcasm.

"My head is good compared to how it was earlier." She sounded embarrassed and squirmed in her seat. I was a beast.

"Oh. My apologies."

"Accepted. So what do you have planned for...tonight?" She asked her tray of food.

"Why should I spoil the surprise?"

Peeking up at me she said, "I would like to have an idea of what to wear."

"Clothes would be proper."

She smacked my arm, "Behave." She had no idea how much I'd been behaving lately. No idea at all. Considering what I wanted to do. "Pants or skirt?"

"You don't like skirts."

"I never told you that."

"You never wear one." I left out the stealthy search of her room I'd conducted at Liam's house while she slept. I'd found an entire drawer filled with them, the tags still on. Genevieve had bought her more skirts than pants. I wondered if that's why she did not wear them now.

"I don't own any at present. But that doesn't mean I don't like them."

I decided to leave her wardrobe and loathing of shopping for a discussion for another day. Since she lied so poorly, I wondered if she had even opened the dresser drawer. My intuition said that she had not.

"Emmett is into a sport called competitive eating. Have you heard of it?"

"Those are the guys who stuff their faces with hot dogs in two minutes, right?"

"I suggest we engage in a civilized form of the practice seeing as you still need to gain back the weight you lost in the hospital. I bet you can't eat four enchiladas."

"What do I get if I can?"

"Whatever you wish."

"Since you need to gain weight as well, I accept. But you have to eat four also."

Five enchiladas later, after mutually storming through Switzerland by computer on a tour, I noted with satisfaction she had eaten an extra one happily. Somehow vomiting on the keyboard in front of her did not seem the right thing to do. Enchiladas suizas were designed by God as a new form of vampire torment. The sauce burned all the way down my throat, and currently boiled in my stomach like witch's brew.

"My Queen, you have won the wager. What is your heat's desire?"

For a second she had such a sad look on her face, and I belatedly remembered her murdered relatives, and abandoned wardrobe, and wanted to kick myself. "Not much."

"Well, then you should have no problem telling me."

"Five dollars says she asks you to kiss her," Jugurtha sounded eager noting she stared at my lower lip a second too long.

"You don't have any money and I'm not taking that wager," I said to him through frozen lips. I couldn't kiss her. Yet. Not that I didn't want to. Every single second of the day. The things, decent ones, I imagined doing to her with my lips. Not those kind of things. Romantic things, like kissing her fingers. But I required practice, as merely doing that could cause one or two of them to be permanently detached from her dainty hand.

And I couldn't stoop to grabbing an innocent human and practicing on them? What was I to do? Going to the morgue and kissing corpses for scientific purposes of course had been Jugurtha's practical suggestions. Even I couldn't bear that. So he "compromised" by suggesting I lurk in Alzheimer's wards and retirement homes for a fresh corpse.

Starched Shirt Edward bellowed, "We will not be fornicating with corpses or abusing geriatric humans!"

We both silenced him with a glare.

Jugurtha said, "You could volunteer with an ambulance and practice giving mouth to mouth to humans. That's appropriate." Only if they lived.

Fuming, Starched Shirt Edward heaved, "You should find a doll. That way no one will be endangered. What about that one at her Great-Uncle's place?" The one at Liam's fortress was the right size, even if half its hair had been chopped off.

"Edward?" she snapped her fingers in front of my face, "Come back."

Gracious, I was being rude. She didn't seem angry, though. "I am sorry. I get lost in thought sometimes."

She was generous enough to pretend as if it had not occurred. "I want to see something you never do."

"What would that be?" my sick mind had all sorts of notions of things she had never seen me do. Starched Shirt Edward slapped the back of my head and thunked the top of it with a knuckle for good measure.

"Smile. Really smile."

"I smile." I think. Mostly at supernatural speed when mocking others. But still.

"Not with your eyes. Not like you mean it."

"That's all you ask?"

"Uh-huh."

I thought of the vision Alice had shown me of the Future Us, and the smile I'd given her then. I couldn't wait to reach that point. So I put that expression on my face. She seemed delighted. I froze as her fingers traced the outside edge of my lower lip.

"What a handsome smile." She turned scarlet after saying it. "You should do it more often."

I could not quite believe she called me handsome. I must have misunderstood.

My Mother was about ready to weep on Father's shoulder down the hallway where they lurked, she was so happy with my girlfriend.

"I will if you will." I had to detach my lips from her fingers to speak. Alas.

"Deal."

We shook hands on it. "Now please step outside so I can get dressed. I have to meet Angela before..." She flushed at turned her face away staring out the window. I did not have to fake the smile I offered her.

Women! Bewildering every last one of them. What was wrong with saying the word, "date?"

Mine had ventured upstairs to my sisters' room. I stared in the clear pool of a pond and smiled again. I texted Rosalie and reminded her of her promise about cooking my girlfriend's hair with that torture device.

My muscles weren't used to smiling and I think one side of my face was higher than the other which made me appear like I smirked instead. So I practiced for a few minutes. She deserved my very best. And if she wanted a simple smile, I'd do it all night long.

Jugurtha cleared his throat. "Since her father is insisting on escorting her to the festival, that leaves you time to do research. Not that kind of research. Kissing research. You're going to fetch me the head of that doll."

Yes, sir. He showed me my schedule for the evening. "Do you want the head on a silver platter?" Starched Shirt Edward laughed at my wit.

"What are you going to do for your date with our dear little one?" He asked.

"Aside from walking around the festival and gawping? I have no earthly idea."

Jugurtha whispered in my ear. The man was brilliant. She'd never see that one coming. I'd definitely show her who was king of the jungle. And I couldn't wait to see her face. The rest of her, too. Of course.

I left for the sanctuary of the woods putting on a burst of wolf vampire speed. I counted the seconds until I could have the succor of my singer. I mean my girlfriend. I had to get used to actually saying that out loud. The girlfriend part as now I seemed to have permission. At least, I think that's what my little bottle cap wanted me to do. I couldn't wait to obtain that practice.

I sighed as I ran through the trees, and wound my way to the Swan farm. I pushed away images of my girlfriend being attacked by Italian officials with an internal shudder. I had some questions for the Other Immortals that lurked on her land. And Grace and I agreed that we were definitely going to obtain some answers. If they played nice, we might share the data we'd gathered. Possibly.

After concluding that bit of informational commerce, we'd practice that kissing business and kill a deer or two or three. I stopped by the squirrel Douglas' branch to toast my evening with an almond or two. He seemed in a chipper mood and patted my hand when I said to him, "I have a date with my girlfriend tonight. I have to leave shortly." Douglas saluted me as I descended to the ground. I had errands to run.

So after making my way through Liam's sneaky security system, and climbing into his hoarder's haven that hid his basement laboratory, I spied the doll. The Other Immortals were in the pit in spirit form. I had called out to them that I was merely running an errand and not after their green slime, I meant food. They cackled at me spiritually as I said, "After much investigation, I cannot possibly imagine how you manage to consume that garbage. You are far braver than I. I can't get it to grow so far. I could accomplish more if you would find Liam's notes. Beyond that, I'll let you know if we find any other interesting things."

They wandered away after hearing a noise on the ocean side of the cave, which sparked my curiosity as it was made by one of their own from what Grace and I could tell. Even more they had dismissed me as any kind of threat, I huffed. I was now alone so said my senses. I lifted the doll. The head was smaller than my human's. The lips, of course, could not compare to hers.

Grace made a curious keen wondering what I was doing with whatever that was. Mentally I told her, "I am offering a sacrifice to the Quileute spirits to keep sweet girl safe tonight." As my lips were about ready to descend, I sensed another presence and guiltily dropped the doll. Whirling to fight, green fire in one hand, I faced the amused eyes of an immortal female who literally walked out of the wall. She was the one I had sensed that had apparently created a distraction for her colleagues affording us privacy. She tossed me an apple as she laughed.

"Your Father named me Eve. We need to talk, Edward, and we don't have much time."

As I raided her mind like a hungry Viking, she thought about how funny I looked about ready to kiss that doll, and how sad it must be for me to long to touch a frail human. I escaped from her mind as fast as possible. Her pity stung.

"We have to discuss things before your date."

"Such as?"

"Kissing." Her eyes fell to my lips as she smirked at the apple in my hand. Belatedly, I realized it appeared similar to the one in Jasper's vision. "Your dating her is rather controversial in our coven. We need to make sure you don't kill Bella."

Oh, the ignominy of my existence.

I didn't recall giving them a vote on the issue, truth be told. That seemed rude to say so instead I asked, "Why?" I waited for her to commence with the verbal flogging. Her features resembled an ice sculpture, inscrutable.

"We promised Liam that we would watch over her. Since you have no plans on turning her, we've allowed you and your family to have continued contact with her."

I could hear her cohorts spiritually marching back to their places, so we switched the conversation to a mental link.

"In order to take her out, you have to drink this." She held out a shot glass full of the sludge.

"I'd rather not."

"Why not be safe in case you decide to be a lovelorn fool as well?"

I threw it back and gulped. She pounded me between the shoulder blades as human tears ran down my face.

I had considered the possibility of drinking the algae and had borrowed a set of contacts from the medical room that Jasper wore after his most recent slip up in order to be able to attend school without frightening the humans with his maroon irises.

Explaining my eye color change would be a bit awkward to my girlfriend. And I couldn't exactly look at her and say, "Oh don't worry about these. They're real. You've seen the fake because I'm a deer-sucking blood-sucking fiend who only wants to suck...I mean sniff...I mean kiss...your lips that are burned across the back of my eyelids I know them so well. Other parts of you, too. Watch the teeth." So I donned the contacts.

Jugurtha said, "Stop nattering and find out why she is helping you and what she wants for it."

"The average vampire doesn't give a fig about the average human. Why did you bother with the Swan family?"

"We already lived off of the algae. Liam found the cave by chance. We decided to let him live when our seer predicted he would help us."

"So you told him what you were?" My voice even to me sounded aghast.

"We don't follow the Volturi's laws, Edward. Of course we told him. And Liam never breathed a word to anyone."

"Even Genevieve?"

"He never told that woman." That meant she'd probably found out some other way by the set of Eve's jaw.

I remembered a time when people in anger referred to Eleanor Roosevelt as "that woman." This could only mean that Eve and I were destined to be friends bonded by our mutual disdain of all things relating to my girlfriend's Grandmother's meddlesome ways.

"He studied our system and found a way to breed a variety that was more nutritious and that killed the blood lust."

I did a very un-immortal like double-take. "Completely?"

"I have not felt it in years."

"So that's why the Volturi can't find you. They're too busy scurrying around looking for your blood supply that you don't use it. And they can't smell you either."

"We are but one clan. We have alliances with many others who share our diet. Not all of the lost covens agreed to turn away from consuming blood. Those who abstained from human blood though, have never been caught by the Italians."

"You are not a tiny clan and you know it. I'm not that foolish."

"Could have fooled me these past few days." She scored with that one. Ouch.

"And you have scentless blades."

"Correct."

"Why don't you attack?"

"We have no reason to. We have been left in peace." She lied and didn't care that I knew.

"Forgive me for asking this." There really was no polite way to say what was on my mind.

She arched a brow and waited patiently as I stammered. "Why did your lot permit Billy Black to murder Liam, Genevieve, and Jericho?"

"The sister," she uttered with unshielded loathing, "had what she claimed was a vision. She convinced the others of its truth. I could not dissuade them." She had more venom in those words than any I've ever heard. There was no love lost between her and Genevieve.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "There's more to what she's saying."

"They willingly stepped towards the bees."

"I know. I watched." Her voice was hollow. "Her vision indicated if any interfered with his plan to kill them, they would live, but Bella would die. They chose their fate. We could not convince them otherwise and believe me, we tried."

"You let the man responsible for your food source stay dead?"

"We tried to turn him. It failed." Of course I would not have detected their attempts because they had no scent and they didn't need to bite him given all the bee stings, and even if they did have a scent it would have faded with time. Liam's heart had stopped too quickly. I saw Eve in my mind weeping and trying to restart his heart. She only stopped when rigor mortis set in and I saw two male immortals literally pry her off of Liam's corpse.

"She can't be turned and you can't be truly happy with a mortal."

"How do you know?

"Because I thought I loved Liam. I found my mate the month before Liam died. You risk making that child suffer when your nature kicks in."

"I have not found a mate in a century. There's no reason to believe I'm going to find one now."

"I thought the same for forty years." She did not bother to hide her grief.

"You were with Liam for forty years?" It must have been a relationship like Jasper had with Maria. Clearly Liam was not her singer. My little bottle cap and I were different. Special.

"Yes. By our treaty with Liam, Bella can't be turned. So you best practice to make sure your teeth don't slip where they should not. I would hate to have to kill your entire family."

She expected me to argue about that treaty. Had I lesser acting abilities I would have jumped with joy and skipped all the way home. This completely solved my 'how do I tell my family I loathe being a vampire and won't turn her into one not so much because I hated being a vampire but moreover because I refused to give up her scent' issue. I was a Scent-antic Swan-aholic.

"Have you told my Father?"

"No. We'll leave that to you." I wondered why they hadn't told us this earlier.

"Use the apple to practice or a peach." She nodded towards two that lay on the ground at my feet. Had they been snakes and I mortal, I'd have died. "If you use pressure on your lips and hold them in position, you can keep them away from your teeth if you decide to kiss her. Make sure her lips are not cut and you keep your venom away from her. Tell her that you are nervous and want to do this right and beg her to please stay still. That should work. I have to leave now. You should go."

She pushed me up the ladder the fruit held in an apron like arrangement of my shirt. I ran to a private corner of the woods, far away from lurking eyes and scoffing ears. The apple was history at the touch of my lips, which scared the life into me, and worse, tasted very good. Eve had been right, however, the peaches were easier to work with. As the juice ran down my lips I marveled that I didn't feel revolted.

And now I had slid down the evolutionary ladder from failing to masturbate properly, to contemplating kissing corpses for moral research purposes, of course, to leering at dolls. And now I found myself fondling fruit. I truly was a monster only slightly above pond scum in the order of the Universe. Dipping my face in the Sol Duc River cleansed the mess and scent from it. Partially. I smelled like I'd landed face first into a fruit cart. I hoped to avoid my family and our guests and ran back to the house to change. I couldn't be late. Genevieve said so.

And just because Liam and Even had an inarticulate romance did not mean that I would fall into the same trap. I went over a thought I'd gleaned from Eve's mind as I ran. In it I saw but could not hear Eve pleading with Liam, guilt painted brightly on her face. He appeared devastated by whatever she said, and leaned forward and kissed her forehead. It looked like one you would give to tell someone goodbye. She pled with him gripping his arm before letting go and watching him walk away. The last thing I saw was her sobbing into another vampire's arms. Fate would never be kind enough to grant me a mate, so I could stay with my girlfriend as long as she'd tolerate me.

I walked out of the woods and found myself in the clutches of the Denali Sisters. Carmen, too. I had sensed their intent to talk to me, and knew that either I would willingly engage them or they'd follow me on my date. As I stepped towards them I wondered, perhaps I'd been poisoned by the peach juice? Addled by the apple?

"Cousins?" I maintained an even tone. I could easily out-run them if worse came to worse. Provided I didn't trip. Which at this point seemed likely.

"We're here to help you with your date." Irina and Kate and Carmen actually meant it. Tanya fumed over not being able to see this ordinary human. Wearing a sweet smile she most definitely did not mean, Tanya blocked her thoughts. The ones that I had captured indicated she thought I'd shown impressive character growth with my practical joke on my idiot brothers even if she noted I had a practiced script so still was every bit as shy. She predicted I didn't stand a chance with the human girl due to that whole never speaking issue. And she sniffed, and sniffed again. Her sisters and Carmen joined in on the sniff-Edward-fest.

Jugurtha said, "We have developed a new symptom that shames us."

"We have?"

"Indeed. It causes us to question our very vampire nature it is so dreadful and we've kept it from our family to protect them?" He said that last part faster as Irina opened her mouth. "We now require actually eating human food. Even if it makes us vomit. We crave it." Oh my dear manager. How did I function without you? I now could explain the whole fruity smell problem.

And they all sat there and sniffed at me.

"Edward, I can't smell you. At all." Kate said, alarmed. What an impressive time for Young to Me Old Power's gift to manifest. Now, I didn't need to confess my fruit predilection. That thought proved my downfall. I lost focus for a moment at being faced by the women. Fine, I absolutely panicked, fearing they'd never let me leave until they'd mortified me to un-death. And I stared down at my body wondering if Young To Me Old Power had left any other little gifts. Like stamping my manly parts.

My mind raced. I couldn't have them set eyes on my girlfriend - my cousins that is not my manly parts - who I heard in my sisters' room. The mere implications of that...My illusion that kept the scars on my hands from appearing to the immortals faded. The newborns had been too hysterical to comment on the scars they had observed. My family had closely listened. And Mary Sue had figured that since no one had mentioned it, she shouldn't either and the rest had followed the hive brain.

The women sucked in breath they didn't need and Tanya and Kate actually wept. Eleazar stepped out of the woods with Carlisle and Mother trailing after him and stopped still in his tracks at the sight of my hands. Mother crashed into his back she was caught off guard.

"What in God's name have you gotten yourself into, Edward?" His voice rose to a roar.

"I'm sorry?" My voice sounded weakly.

"Your hands."

"Yes, what about them?" I was not above playing stupid.

"You hid them from us." The idea of quiet me lying to Eleazar baffled him.

"At my request." Father said. I suppose he started sending out those sneaky waves of goodwill as everyone seemed to calm. Jasper lurking in the bushes within range may have aided in that effort.

"I didn't want to burden you." I stared at the forest floor. "I apologize if it offended you."

"Son, I'm not offended. I'm worried about keeping you alive." His shaking voice caught everyone's undivided attention. The fear in it, in particular.

"I beg your pardon?"

"During the vampire wars, all sides agreed that one animal was off limits for any clan to claim. They all planned to use it once they had annihilated everyone else."

"Why?"

"Vampire pretentiousness. The Aristocrats were snobs." In my experience with Violet Gorgon that sounded about right.

"What was that symbol? The forbidden one?"

"You're wearing it on your palms."

"You said you didn't recognize the drawing Carlisle sent you."

"I didn't. Carlisle, whoever sketched that draws horribly. So do you see our problem?"

"Someone is claiming victory even though the Volturi rule?"

"Exactly. If the Volturi laid eyes on you..." He didn't have to finish that thought. "And that means that whoever marked you comes from someone powerful enough to literally make that claim."

Father said, "Since the lost covens left the field of battle rather than surrender, I can only assume the Volturi did not feel comfortable wearing the symbol."

Eleazar agreed, "They wanted a true victory, and have been training soldiers with gifts for centuries waiting for the next attack. Edward, you can never show that mark to another immortal. Any one wearing it will be killed on sight by a survivor of the vampire wars." Grace noted my panic as I kept my eyes focused on them and didn't turn to the house. Father and Mother had been good about preventing the Denalis from seeing my girlfriend. I made the image of FitzSinister and FitzLuck vanish from my hands in their minds with an appeal to the Quileute spirits.

"You've been protecting us because the only reason he would have obtained those scars was defending his human girlfriend. I can only assume she bears the marks as well," Tanya said around a sniff.

The Denali sisters remembered the execution of their mother at Caius' hands. I could not handle this.

Mary Alice said into my mind, _"She's safe with us. Go. The Denalis and the newborns won't tell a soul."_

How in the blazes did Young to Me Old Power think she was helping my singer by stamping her all over her frail body with a mark that would get her killed? I fumed.

Jugurtha said, "Because she guessed that it was a lost coven after her. And the Volturi, I'm sorry to disagree with Eleazar, would not kill her. They'd take her to see if they could use her as leverage. She's no good to them dead. Correction. She's no good to them destroyed. I could see them turning her."

When she tapped me on the head, Young to Me Old Power must have done that dead zone scent thing as it had just now kicked in. And my immediate family standing around me played out a portrait of pity as they sniffed. And sniffed. And sniffed again.

"Tanya." I said formally. Her nose was buried in my armpit. Face-palming her, though appealing, would look unchivalrous.

"Oh. Sorry. Edward, I can't detect your scent." She sounded appalled. As if I'd died right in front of her. Supernaturally speaking. Dare I hope this dampened her ardor?

"It's a side effect of a meeting I had with a spirit. It took a while for it to impact me."

Eleazar said, "How long does it mask your scent?"

"Indefinitely."

"That will make you almost impossible to track if you can keep them from your mind. Most immortals are trained to chase minds or scents; they don't use the old fashioned technique of studying the ground. Someone is looking out for you, son. He turned to Carlisle, "If they can't smell him, and he can mask the lights, I say it's as safe as it would be here for him to take Bella on a date. As long as he has us within calling distance.

Irina took me by the shoulder and led me to her guest cottage. She handed me a box.

"Here."

I opened it. The shirt was a deep brown. I rather liked it.

"It's for you. Run along now. And shave," her lips curled upward, "Women don't like having their cheeks scratched with stubble. And yours could tear her skin."

Yes ma'am. "Thank you Irina." I gave her a smile like my girlfriend said I should do more often.

Typically stoic, Irina appeared startled and returned the gesture. "Get on with it, you scamp. Don't keep her waiting."

Box in hand; I climbed the stairs to my room ready to do battle with the razor. In the first step of the how to kiss my girlfriend without imperiling her neck plan, I had to have smooth skin. Because by the end of the night, I most definitely planned on testing my lips against her skin. As much as I dared. And I most definitely intended on letting her know I considered her my Real Girlfriend. Seriously. And did I mention that when inspired I could be awfully impudent? Irina nodded in approval as I raced into the forest. Eve's green glob aside, I intended on hunting. I couldn't take a chance tonight. Not with what I had planned. I had been, after all, very careful what I wished for. I simply wished for her in my arms. For some reason, that made me smile. A lot.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, in this chapter we see Edward having a private groveling session with his ever so cautious singer. Both of them made a bit of progress about what fanficreader83 has labeled "Tylergate". Edward found out he'd been the brunt of a practical joke at the hands of his brothers in the midst of a crises. He brought entirely new meaning to the term payback. Tanya, her sisters, and the newborns decided to aid him in his quest. And they totally owned Emmett. Jasper, too. Tanya definitely showed she willing to do more than just lust after Edward's back. In a pinch, she totally has it. Her sisters, too. Emmett and Jasper's wives have been reading too much Ancient Greek humor (Aristophanes' play Lysistrata to be precise) and have gone on another sexual strike in protest of their treatment of poor Edward.**

**Hezekiah and Edward had high tea with the Violet Gorgon and apparently her daughter before being given the bum's rush. And threatened. But still. Rich Ancient Immortals *shrugs* Bella's one wish when she wins a bet with Edward catches him off guard. Oh, and since necrophilia is off limits, kissing fresh corpses, too (that includes Jessica Stanley, alas, alack), Edward struggles to find a way to conduct research on kissing before his date, so he doesn't shred his singer's lips. Or neck. Or...never mind. And he has another surprise visitor with mortification on her mind. Ye Gads!**

**And Eleazar Denali, gives an entirely new meaning to the term bird watching as he talks to the sitting duck, I mean roasted goose, I mean roaring mountain lion that is the newly de-scented Edward Cullen about the meaning of those pesky scars.**

**One last comment on a characterization issue. Some of you might wonder why Edward became so incensed at his brothers. His biggest fear - well one of them anyhow - is that he cannot perform sexually even in the unlikely event that his girlfriend falls in love with him and agrees to his proposal of marriage. And he's a control freak. And having to watch the newborns frolic with gleeful abandon pushed all his "this will never work for me" buttons. Realizing that he stupidly walked into that joke as well amped up his anger and his pride. He's been (willingly) sitting on humiliation from the teasing of his brothers for decades and he's never really bothered to let them know it bothered him. Now he is. In short passive aggressive bursts. And his brothers keep trying to go back to "normal" at times and simply don't think because they do not realize the extent of the anger Edward is sitting on and has cherished like a child (Remember, Edward can block Jasper and has been doing so for years). Betting is an ingrained part of the Cullen culture. They'll figure it out.**

**Please review before they kill each other. And the fact that it amuses and inspires me.**

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading.**

**References:**

**I've left a picture of the garden that inspired the one in Forks High on my profile.**

**The Monkey's Paw is an awesome short story by W.W. Jacobs written in 1902. I highly recommend it.**

**Aristophones' play Lysistrata inspires Rosalie and Mary Alice in this chapter. You can find it by Googling the name.**

**Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians is an awesome mystery.**

**I used information from the epilepsy foundation to describe Edward's symptoms.**

**Sadly, one out of every four women in college has an eating disorder according to the latest figures and it is on rise in men as well.**

**If you Google James McCroskey and communication apprehension you'll learn more about the idea as he's the one who coined it.**

Teaser for the next chapter:

With her in my embrace I sprinted away at just under vampire speed, careful to maintain the illusion of humanity. It did not seem to frighten her as her heart rate stayed the same. I tried to pay attention to running rather than her arms around my neck, her fingers against my skin, and the aroma of her scent. And I reminded myself to breathe. And not to lick her neck. Yet.

I listened to her heartbeat as it created a rhythm beating to the time of my feet that pounded the forest floor, scattering the leaves and ferns in my wake. We reached a favorite part of the Park; the deep forest with the older trees, fifteen minutes later. I put her down, leaning her against the wide trunk of a moss drenched tree, my flattened palms on either side of her face and bellowed, "Isabella Marie Swan what were you thinking?" Panting, I glared at her. My siblings were out of hearing range, thank the Lord.

I'm having so much fun at present describing their evening which will be in the next chapter. Swear. And just so you know there is no meadow in that chapter. Dream Edward wants you to know that he is the one who will be kissing Bella if and when any kissing occurs in this story. She likes him best. Main Edward has just blown a gasket and is being held back by Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward. Laurent thinks they are fighting over him. Tanya thinks that ten years of uninterrupted sex might unwind Edward a bit. But only just. She still can't understand why he's not that into her. Everyone else is (or has been).


	40. HOD pt 29 How Bout Dem Apples?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

*****I said it last chapter and it bears repeating, this section of the story will earn its M rating.******

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta. **

**And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills. How she spoils me.**

**Ya'll are killing me with the reviews. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Many thanks! To my muses: CindyWindy, RedneckAngel, Gwen69, Forest Sentry Koneji, TwilightMomofTwo, Pamela J. Austin, Ldybunny, mamato, luv4edwardcullen, PurpleMadDragon, Codelina, Sapphira Majoram, Viridis73, CullenPearl, Mutt N. Feathers, Sariedee, Mav, jaijaimays, tazz, Cullen Concession, Noosh, tears, Rgwmnks, dellatwi, notmyself, Miss Poison, forthelove, oncebitten, nyaris, sweetswirlypop, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, June, AliciaZA, Sheeijan, BellaS, Merrisol, fanficreader83, sexysadie13, ksangi, Elphabacy35, inko2, LJSummers, spicyone94, WillowMarie, Robs_Muse, redsovlove, and Wanderer417.**

**Snarky Summary:**

**When last we bumped into each other, Edward with the eager assistance of the cast of his cousins and the newborns gave entirely new meaning to the phrase "newborn twister." Our hero asked his girlfriend out on a Real Date. And he has absolutely no idea what he's going to do with her. He knows what he **_**wants**_** to do with her, but that involves all sorts of earth shaking, glass shattering…….not to mention the destruction of fruit baskets. Merrisol, awesome reviewer extraordinaire, dubbed his condition FrUST. He doesn't have the time to slay a peach orchard before their date. But a hard up vampire can dream, about doing more than discovering new creative ways to pit peaches, now can't he? **

**The Violet Gorgon, the banshee we don't adore, has insisted with her usual paranormal petulance that they recover the body/spirit/whatever of her son/progeny/spawn of Satan. The ingrate neglected to mention little things like oh, his name, how old he is, nationality, appearance, peculiarities, muzzle size, food allergies, you know, the pesky fine print. Violet Gorgan did say she does not want Bella's heart on a stick because the Gorgan has been using Bella's spirit to try and find her children. Edward had a mortifying conversation with Eve, who he learned had put up with, I mean dated, crazy as a bedbug Liam for forty years before wizening up and dumping him and finding her own mate. Liam didn't take rejection well, so she says. She also has the excellent taste to loathe Genevieve. Edward is thankful for Eve's instruction without laying a fang on him - advice in the fine art of kissing a human without killing said human. Oh, and Eleazar let Edward know that the tats he has on his hands and that are stamped all over his girlfriend's body are the newest smoking hot accessory if you want an audience of enraged immortals after your ashes. **

**Things to remember from previous chapters, the Los Angeles coven was annihilated systematically by the ever so meticulous Volturi after a newborn attacked an elementary school. Much mortal bloodshed ensued and was covered up with an explosion. The Volturi are in the country traveling from coven to coven to scare the unliving, I mean remind them who is in charge and what the Golden Rules are about doing unto others, vampirically speaking, of course. Charlie is convinced that Emmett is interested in both Rosalie and his daughter. And worried that his daughter has a stalker. Bella refuses to speak, write, email, etc. her dingbat of a mother. Charlie barely gets a word from her as well due to that whole decades of disability deception dealio.**

**We begin with Edward having a jaunt down memory lane while he waits for the second that he can join his girlfriend at the festival. Oh, and he also learned he can't, much to his distress, ever lay a fang on his girlfriend in that "I vant to suck your blood" kind of way. The Vancouver coven said so. They have a treaty with Liam, which for some reason, despite the fact that he's dead and all, and despite the fact that Edward has never seen said treaty - they are following. Damn bureaucrats. Edward of course, has no such knowledge of the joy learning about this treaty brings to his life – that he'll admit to. Now his singer can stay scentastically fabulous in his life for as long as he can keep her above ground and breathing. As long as her Grandmother stops trying to send those visions of doom, he thinks life might just be tolerable. **

**

* * *

**

**How 'Bout 'Dem Apples**

Eric Yorkie's Family owned Columbia Life Farms. His Grandfather, a contrary man by nature, would hold an annual event celebrating the fruit he grew on his farm in the country outside Maple Grove, a small community located outside of the Olympic National Park almost between Port Angeles and Forks. Cherries were in season during June, July and August. Apples, as everyone in the area knew, were in season in the fall.

Shrugging his wiry shoulders at Mother Nature, the elder Mr. Yorkie ignored practicalities like not having fresh fruit due to the growing season to host a social event. He didn't care that late March was most likely bitterly cold, and argued it built character to breathe in the bracing country air. The outdoor festival benefited the pediatric wards of the Forks and Port Angeles Hospitals. Every year, the celebration expanded in size, the inclement weather part of the draw. If it snowed, sleeted, or rained, they held the event in a large warehouse on the farm. If it did not, it all took place outdoors with large tents and a dance floor. The attendees even danced in the rain with the band performing under a canopy one year. Eric had uploaded film clips and articles about the event on the family farm web site.

Strawberries, raspberries, lavender, loganberries, blackberries, blueberries, apples, cherries, grapes, pears, peaches, plums, raspberries and walnuts competed for attention in the rich soil. The elderly Mr. Yorkie diversified his crops because he did not trust in Fate to be kind. He had, after all, learned that lesson the hard way. The festival and our family's history crossed.

During the Second World War, Mr. Yoshida and his family were unceremoniously carted off to Manzanar for the sin of being full-blooded Japanese in an era reigned by the dread of the unknown. Father had treated them a time or two for upper respiratory infections and a broken arm, and appreciated their circumstances. We lived in fear of mortal discovery and disdain. If unmasked, however, for being immortals, we had the ability to defend ourselves from mobs of humans without incurring a scratch. The Yoshida family and thousands of others like them did not.

When we witnessed what happened to other Japanese-American landowners, Father decided to intervene from afar. My Parents insisted on purchasing their now criminally depreciated in price land. They hired someone to tend the farm, as we knew our welcome had worn out in the area, thanks to the tragedy with the Quill family. When Mr. Yoshida and his family emerged from the camps at the end of the war, they were greeted with a chauffeured car hired by my Father to meet us in Denver. Upon arrival, they were stunned to find not only had the farm profited in their absence, but Carlisle insisted on selling it to them for the price of $1.00 and a serving of Mrs. Yoshida's famous Yorkshire pudding. He gave the deeds of the five other Japanese families he had protected to Mr. Yoshida and requested that he grant them back their land, which the awed human had indeed done, much to their shock and surprise. Father had made Mr. Yoshida promise not to reveal the name of their benefactor, and to his credit he honored his word. Because of the memory of what their family had suffered, Mr. Yoshida legally changed their surname to Yorkie. He reasoned that it would make the government have to work harder to find him without a traditional Japanese surname, and honor the reclamation of his land in a subtle manner as well. And the Yorkie's they had been ever since. Mr. Yoshida was now known as Old Man Yorkie by the locals.

When we returned to the area, we had kept the Cullen surname as a way of letting the tribe know we meant no harm and to prevent them from thinking we were another group of vampires they had to worry about, rather than the original ones who had left in the night. To any human who commented, we simply insisted that Carlisle was the son of the man who had lived at Hoaquim. When Father ran into Old Man Yorkie at market, his eyes were failing, and he accepted the story as Father had most likely blasted him with that goodwill gift of his. The Yorkie family felt obligated to send us fresh fruit in remembrance on the anniversary of the day we sold them back their farm. They promised never to forget. We sincerely hoped they did.

Jasper, Eleazar, Mary Alice and Father agreed that the Violet Gorgon would hardly attack a public festival. We decided we could use it as an opportunity to test my ability to shield my girlfriend from a distance. I was over 30 miles away at present, and I could still see the barriers in place, white and green fairy lights twirling around her body as she sat in Chief Swan's car.

The wolf pack whined about being left at off the guest list of the festival attendees with choruses of "Man, that's so unfair." Or refrains of, "That totally bites!" And "We haven't killed anyone yet, c'mon" as the third verse.

Paula, Jasper, and I had compromised it would be permissible to take them within range of the festival for training, but that they could not attend. Too many of them, save John Quill still possessed little control over their tendency to stench-splode, although Sam Uley was making great progress followed only by Seth. Mother and Sue had already replaced over twenty outfits in the past two days. Over the yowls of protest of the pack, John Quill volunteered to attend the festival to guard my girlfriend. He had just entered his vehicle to drive there.

My siblings had turned around from their run for supplies and were on their way to the training grounds they had decided to use that were within proximity of the festival, immortally speaking. The newborns and Denalis were running there. Carmen, Eleazar, Father, and Mother remained at the house. Jasper and Emmett had hours of practice to do, after having been lectured by our Parents about their recent betting habit.

With Eric's knowledge and expertise of the Internet, the advertising for the annual festival had been much more effective. They expected the largest crowd ever, and planned accordingly. Chief Swan grumbled as he drove my girlfriend to the farm. As part of his duties, he had to volunteer time in the dunk tank while people who he had given tickets to all year long lined up and took turns enacting revenge. It was their most popular event. Eric had raised the price by half a dollar, the evil boy. They were going to make a record profit from that draw alone.

Angela and my speaking to me now girlfriend had planned on meeting by the main entrance. I followed my human in the mind of her Father as they drove to the festival an hour earlier than discussed at lunch. She talked to few people at school beyond my family and me. Angela and her friend Ben were the only others with whom she seemed comfortable. Her growing friendship with my sisters pleased me. Mary Alice had predicted that she and my human would be fast friends. Even Rosalie had warmed to her and Rosalie didn't like anyone.

My girlfriend wore her new bright red coat over a dark top and pants that Mother and Marcia had selected. Irritated at the change in schedule, I understood she had to follow the direction of her father. I felt slighted that she had arranged to meet earlier with Angela, upon being texted by her father to the change in their itinerary, but had not informed me. Was she still angry? I had picked her a bouquet of ---

My cell phone rang. Mary Alice said when I answered, "You're thinking like a human girl. Stop it. She didn't have a choice in the matter and you showing up early at the festival would appear strange. And stalker-like. And notice her collar."

Occasionally, it was good to have her feel needed, seeing as her gift had proved so unreliable lately. Beyond observing that she did have a few visions at school, accurate ones, at that, we still hadn't discerned the extent to which I or the wolves impacted her ability to read the future. She had experienced a few correct ones at home, too. As she currently was not surrounded by any stench of supernatural origin or me, I could only hope that her talents were sharpening. In particular if she had a vision involving whatever it was I would be doing with my girlfriend tonight, it could prove helpful. Using Grace's aid, my voice caught in my throat when I saw her. She still wore the daisy that I had picked for her at lunch. She had put it in a buttonhole. Mary Alice had pinned it in place.

Charlie thought, _"Geez, with Leah getting knocked up just like I saw happening, I'm gonna have to talk to Bells about sex. And I really don't want to have this conversation. But her Mom is a dingbat. And poor Sue and Harry think I should say something. Damn. Now that she's meeting that Emmett tonight, I have to say something. I can't have my baby girl getting knocked up, too." _He cleared his throat and squinting at the road, said, while nervously tapping the dashboard, "I think it's time you and I had a talk about boys. I've seen the way that Emmett Cullen looks at you."

"I already had this talk, Dad."

"With your mother?" his voice raised in alarm, face turning florid. _"God she probably handed her boxes of rubbers and told her to have at it, knowing Renee."_

Her complexion matched his as she gritted, "No. _Your_ Mother - the doctor. And Uncle Liam - the biologist."

"Oh. Uh, Good." Charlie shuddered with memories of his Mother giving him what he suspected was the same speech. She'd even had charts. _"Geez I thought I was gonna die when she started talking about nocturnal emissions. I mean, normal mothers don't talk like that to their sons. And putting Liam in the room? Christ. Even I didn't have to face him and that cold smile. No wonder Bells doesn't date. My Mom probably scarred her for life. Uncle Liam, too. Not that he ever got any tail from what I could tell. I never saw him go on a single date. I guess that's not a bad example for her to follow, then." _ He quickly became distracted thinking about Paula's......toes and what he wanted to do to said digits that night. Freak.

Not a single word was exchanged from Chief Swan to his equally silent daughter during the entire forty-seven minute trip. And both had normal heart rates aside from the occasional blip of Charlie's as he had inappropriate thoughts about Paula. How bizarre. Weren't human families supposed to converse with each other? As the police cruiser pulled into the gravel driveway of the Yorkie's farm, he found a space and shut off the engine. My new powers allowed me to see my singer as she emerged from the car, face brightening when she caught sight of the Webers and the Clearwaters.

Leah stood with her parents and two cousins, jaw stuck out ignoring the sidelong glances from others who walked by. They had allowed her out of the house, despite her presumably being grounded for life, for the first time since the news of her pregnancy. Emily and Jennifer Whitelock, her cousins visiting from out of town, accompanied her. The car trip had made Leah's morning sickness make its presence known, and her cousins and Mother accompanied her to the woods as they were closer than the restrooms as she became ill in the bushes.

Chief Swan said, "Bells, be careful in the crowd," he winced at the implication she could fall as her eyes seemed to harden, her shoulders stiffening, her back turned to him. "And I don't uh know how long I'll be tonight. You might want to catch a ride home tonight with Emmett if you're going to be with the Cullens. I always help Old Man Yorkie clean up and it takes hours."

"Do you need help?" She wore a cautious look on her face. Not that her father could see it, since she faced away from him.

"Nah, you're too tiny to be of much good. And you should get some rest." My singer's face seemed to freeze. She walked to the Webers without a word. Her worried father watched after her before turning to greet a neighbor. Charlie thought, _"There she goes stiffening her back just like Ma would do when she was mad. I have no idea how to talk to her. Girls are tricky. And things with Paula are weird. I haven't called Billy, and I can't find it in me to give a damn, even if he lost his balls. Now that's an effective form of birth control. Wonder if Emmett would mind if I...." _

Charlie went to the dunk tank and mournfully met the eyes of his colleague from Port Angeles, as the two penitents took their seats in side by side dunk tanks. Charlie took it with good grace as did the Chief of police in Port Angeles. People loved timing their shots so that both men were immersed at the same time as they sat in separate dunk tanks, an idea of Eric's that most assuredly would be repeated next year due to its line hundreds of people long. Think of the children! I wondered if my date would mind if I dunked her father for an hour or five? Then again, considering how he'd treated her, she just might help.

My singer disappeared into the crowd weaving her way toward the Webers.

Angela said, "Hey Bella, you remember my family, right?" she gestured at Reverend and Mrs. Weber and their rambunctious angelic-appearing twin boys. "Did you bring your school ID? They'll give us a discount." My singer displayed it to her friend as they approached the ticket stand.

Mrs. Weber said, "Dear, do you really want to be walking around all night holding your purse?"

"I don't have pockets large enough for my money and id card, Mom."

"I can hold them for you," my girlfriend pointed to her large coat pockets.

Mrs. Weber took Angela's purse and said, "Thank you, Bella. I'm going to lock this in the trunk with mine.

Angela thought for half a second that she should get her cell phone, too, but didn't want to burden her friend with carrying half her purse with her. Besides everyone carried them now.

Given her health of late, my girlfriend had better have hers charged and on her person or we would be having words. Grace and I couldn't detect the hum it had when functioning, which meant nothing since she rarely had it powered on.

Upon paying admission, the Weber family and my girlfriend encountered the Clearwaters. Leah couldn't stop pouting about how she hadn't been able to see her Sam in forever. _"Christ I have needs, you know. This locking them at the Cullens was silly. He's going to be a father. I need him, too, just as much as the tribe does. I can't wait to go maternity shopping with him. Just because Mom said I'd get fat and all doesn't mean I can't look hot for my man. I'm probably going to have to talk to Swan. That creepy Cullen vampire looks like he's into her more than she thinks. I have to watch out for her."_ Her thoughts turned to matters best left unsaid involving unusual positions of her body and Sam's. Ew.

I contemplated locking her in a room with Tanya, but decided that Tanya might kill her out of boredom. Angela appeared anxious, and not to my surprise, quickly tired of hearing about Leah's missing fiancé. So my girlfriend and she departed from the Clearwater clan for a walk around the grounds.

I listened from Eric Yorkie's mind as he stood a few feet away watching the girls thinking of how pretty they looked that night. He felt bad for Leah Clearwater. She had struck him as too smart to get pregnant while in high school. Now that he listened to her talk continuously about her troll of a boyfriend, she sounded awfully insecure to him. He bet she planned it.

My singer noticed Miss Weber peering anxiously through the crowd.

"I don't see Ben yet, Angela." She whispered to her tall friend as they wandered away from the family. The two of them were a study in contrasts. Angela was tall and thin, all elbows and knees. My girlfriend was a head shorter. And perfect in every way that mattered.

"Am I that obvious?" Angela whispered, panicked, peering around suspiciously.

"Of course not. If he realized, he'd be asking you out." My dear little one replied.

Angela said, "You are so sweet to say that." She decided when my girlfriend truly smiled although it was rare, it transformed her features. Miss Weber felt delighted at the improvement in my little bottle cap's mood. She was so excited her friend would finally be dating that...well...me. _"It's obviously to anyone with half a brain that he cares about her. I thought he'd faint at the lunch table when she agreed to go out with him."_ My face in her mind, did not flatter me. She must be confused. About the fainting part only.

From his perch a few feet away, Eric thought that Angela was clueless about men because Ben clearly had it bad for her, and it was kind of my human to comfort her and somebody should just lock Ben and Angela in a room until they talked or came out officially dating. That wasn't a bad idea, I pondered. Perhaps I could arrange for my singer and me to be confined together in the school library? Wait, scratch that, she'd spend all the time reading. The garden? Stupid me. The infirmary?

"So you can play doctor?" Jugurtha sniped.

"You watch your words!" Starched Shirt Edward turned to Jugurtha and wagged an index finger with his right hand, holding his left crooked at his waist. He looked like a school marm.

Jugurtha held his hand to his brow as if frightened and morally outraged, "I'm merely pointing out how inappropriate it would be to be sequestered in that small of a room. A classroom without windows would be a better idea. She would have the illusion of space. And they could talk in private without being distracted by nosy passersby." True. So True.

"Provided you comport yourself as a gentleman should, if locking you in a room is the only way to make you converse with our dear little one, then I vote 'yes'. We need to marry her soon before someone else tries." Starched Shirt Edward opined. The quickest way to die in my mind in the town of Forks would be to propose or otherwise irritate my woman.

Angela grabbed my singer by the arm as they walked away from prying ears, "I like Ben, Bella, and I'm afraid to let him know. I don't want to ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same way, and I'm too chicken to ask. I don't want to push him." She said that like she'd just confessed to burning Bibles by the stacks.

My singer sighed and said, "I know how you feel."

Sitting atop my perch on Chimney Peak, overlooking Enchanted Valley, I had been facing south while consuming the blood from my most recent kill. Although the young ladies could not see me from the miles away where I crouched, turning my back to them while gorging seemed the appropriate thing to do. I halted at my girlfriend's words. The expression on her face combined with the wistful note in her voice made me stop sucking the blood of the Columbia black-tailed deer I had slain to listen. What in blazes did she mean by _that? _

I found myself gazing at the face of the recently departed from this life deer awaiting an explanation before it occurred to me how foolish that was and returned to feeding. Could I have been wrong and did my singer actually have strong feelings for me that went beyond mere attraction? Or, I panicked, stopping again and asking the dead deer, had she developed affection for some mortal boy and I had failed to see it like I had failed with the EdBargo? My siblings had been chanting about my stupidity for the past three days. Did she agree to accompany me tonight to make_ Mortal Him_ jealous? Ye Gads. I'll simply have to try harder to woo her and show her my fortitude. She'd never seen anyone with the patience of me.

Once I had finished the deer, I buried the body, muttering thanks for listening to me rant like a madman, and moved on for my next serving. The disgusting drink from Eve ensured I felt no hunger. But I could not risk my girlfriend's safety on a product that I had not tested extensively. Not at a time like this. I ran ten miles to the northwest to Mount Meany, a favorite haunt of mine. I had to find things to keep me occupied until our meeting time. Douglas and I sat on our limb killing time watching the clouds prepare for a show as they darkened. I listened to the crowd while I fed him almonds.

Grace allowed me to watch the girls as they moved among the teeming throngs of people. Everyone seemed to have a preference for either wearing a bright yellow slicker or a dark blue or black one. My singer's red coat stood out in the crowd. They passed brightly colored booths with crafts that caught their attention - I noticed my girlfriend seemed to like the one featuring embroidery. I'd have to purchase it for her when I arrived. Her finger delicately traced the air above the needlework without touching the yarn as the elderly woman in the booth inquired, "Do you like embroidery?"

"I haven't made a buillion stitch in so long I don't know if I even could," she had a pensive expression. Grace and I watched as she peered at a delicate pattern of violet stitches on another piece that created dainty flowers in the shape of a heart. Angela called her at that moment. So with an apologetic glance; she left the booth to follow her friend.

She waited patiently while Angela examined different crucifixes made from local trees trying to decide on which one to get her cousin for her birthday. She left without making a purchase. Tracking their progress through the festival thanks to Grace's aid while I hunted for my second deer proved easy. Bursting through the bushes, I pounced on another animal.

Paula, as Charlie's date for the evening, kept an eye on the girls, before being pulled into a conversation about a current case with a client. I heard her chide herself for not paying as much attention to her work as she should with all the training she'd been doing. And she wanted to sneak away for a while to practice with the pack. It's not like Charlie would notice. And John Quill was on his way.

Extending her senses she did not detect the scent of any vampire. Paula tried again using her power in a quiet corner to reach the pack mind. To her excitement, she could faintly hear Sam and Seth. They kept flickering like a moth around a flame. But she considered it progress.

Eventually, Angela and my dear little one found themselves standing in line at the large communal punch bowl paying for one dollar cups handed out by a gaggle of liver-spotted octogenarians.

One studied them through her cat-eyed bifocals and declared, "My gracious, you two look terribly thirsty. Have some cider. It will warm you up and bring the bloom to your cheeks."

Angela thanked her sweetly and accepted both paper cups. She handed one to my singer, and gulped down her own under the watchful eye of the matron. They made a contrast, Angela drinking quickly and my singer sipping daintily. Once Miss Weber had finished hers, she threw the cup in the nearby refuse receptacle. They walked away through the crowd. My singer sipped hers as they trod around people.

As soon as they had their backs to the women and were out of hearing range, Angela said, "I don't mean to be unkind, but the drink tastes too salty for apple cider. I swallowed it as fast as I could because it was awful, and I didn't want to hurt the server's feelings. I'll have to talk to Eric about changing the recipe since it doesn't taste like it normally does."

My girlfriend sniffed her drink suspiciously, took another sip, and made a sour face. "You're right. I thought it was just me, so I was sipping and hoping it would taste better."

Eric Yorkie walked by at that moment and Angela stretched her long arm out and captured his coat sleeve.

"Bella, let him have a taste from your cup."

Intrigued, he took a small sip, made a pained face and said, "Gross. Thanks for telling me."

Eric darted to the stand. I knew the farm would flourish under his capable hands. I saw him dump the entire bowl and the four others nearby in an outside sink as workers carted out more in fresh bowls for the throng at his command. He apologized to the crowd for the quality of the previous bowls. He announced that for the next hour the cider was free. His Mother noted his attention to detail and patted him on the forearm murmuring in Japanese how proud she was of him.

"I really wish he'd ask me to dance," Angela blurted. Then, she covered her mouth in surprise. She longingly glanced at the large wooden floor already set up with white lights strung around it from tree branches twinkling in the gloaming.

"Eric?"

"No. Ben," Angela giggled. "Do you want to go over and join?" she nodded towards a group of friends congregating near the dance floor holding their drinks.

My singer blushed and for a moment wore a forlorn expression, "I can't dance."

She looked panicked. None of the people nearby intended, by their thoughts, to ask either woman to dance. I could not understand her concern, although I was grateful she did not desire the company of any other touching her. I knew about her disability. I would not be a boor and put her in that position.

Angela told her, "We won't even go near it. Ben's not there, so let's go walk." She dragged her in the direction of a cluster of trees. My singer stumbled for a minute before righting herself with Angela's assistance. They both examined the ground to discover the source and my little bottle cap laughed as she saw a pink apple.

"We must be in the orchard. Watch your step." Angela glanced up at the trees. The apple was out of place, she thought. They weren't even in season.

The girls wandered through the old orchard. The sun was setting and they lost track of time, although I was counting every second for them. Since they seemed content, the newborns and the wolves, Peter, Charlotte and the Denali Sisters fighting merrily a few miles away, I turned my mind to stalking my next deer.

Before being around my dear little one I wanted to ensure I had gorged myself, considering the power use I'd have to employ of late. Since I had not had enough quality pressed against the flesh time, everything hurt. My singer listened as Angela did all of the talking.

While stalking my next prey, I kept half an ear on them. One could never be too careful. The girls seemed to conclude that all men were imbeciles and Ben in particular exemplified that construct, poor fellow. Maybe he should just say he was sorry.

Starched Shirt Edward reminded me that I still had to apologize to our dear little one in full for offending her. I grumbled and asked Jugurtha to re-schedule a groveling session.

"You know, I've had it. I'm going to go and find that twerp and demand he take me on a date." Angela's voice sounded overly loud and confident.

They were on the far end of the orchard at a place where it ended and an old growth forest began to the south of the farm. With a determined glint in her eye, Angela snatched my singer's hand and walked in the opposite trajectory of the festival, towards the dark trees. Women, I huffed, they had absolutely no sense of direction. Only fifteen minutes had passed. I couldn't show up for another ten, I sulked. This was so unfair.

Angela stumbled and then giggled. My singer looked at her friend warily and said, "Angela, are you ok?"

"I'm just ducky, Bella" she tittered again.

"You know you're kind of breathing funny. How about I come with you to offer moral support when you ask Ben? We better hurry. I thought I saw Karen Davis with her eye on him. And Abbie Martingale."

"That skank? And that whore?" Angela yelped. "Let's go."

I decided I needed to read Angela's mind more closely as I saw her lurch into a large tree trunk, dropping my human's hand to break her fall. To the best of my knowledge, Angela was a sweet young woman who had never uttered vulgarities. Something seemed strange.

"I'll tear their hair out if either touches him," Angela snarled. I saw my little bottle cap's eyes widen as she stared at her friend like she'd just transformed in a rabid boar.

Upon further scrutiny by Grace and me, Angela's thoughts were muddled. She couldn't feel the pain in her knee that had recently slammed against a tree, tearing her skirt. Typically fastidious, she did not appear to notice or care about the state of her attire. Angela couldn't seem to remember where they were going or why, but wow those trees sure were spooky looking. She had her jacket open and a white cardigan with pearl buttons glinted in the moonlight like fireflies.

Miss Weber's thoughts turned to a cartoon of a beak-nosed man on a horse, terrified as he galloped, being chased by another. The trees reminded her of the show. She stumbled and caught her cardigan on a branch, saying loudly, "Ow. The tree hit me. Sleepy Hollow." Then she punched the tree and howled shaking her fist. "Where's Icabod? I want to dance with him."

As usual, I hunted alone. I had taken the time to climb part way up Mount Meany in the Park, one of my favorite places to view the stars. Its elevation guaranteed it to be void of humans. I stopped and tilted my head to the side, eyes losing focus. I had recently killed my last prey: a Roosevelt elk. I couldn't trust Eve's disgusting concoction. Not with my girlfriend's life, especially if I contemplated trying that kissing business. And on that note, I took out one of those mouthwash strips Emmett advised I use. One melted on my tongue. I couldn't have blood breath. Not tonight. He'd felt so bad about his most recent transgression he'd left me two packs in my sock drawer.

Hearing my human's heart beat accelerate in alarm distracted me. I had been messier than usual, cleaning my hands in snow at the top of the peak and climbing a tree when I heard the change. Even from 20 miles away, I could pick her out of a crowd. I had been listening in on their conversation with half an ear, not giving them my usual level of attention, distracted by the chase, and the need to clean the blood from my hands and mouth.

Grace said, "Sweet Girl," and offered me a view of Angela and my girlfriend that definitely captivated me. I snarled at my carelessness, and flung myself into the air. Leaping from my perch in a tree to the damp ground 200 feet below, I landed and erupted with speed. The pack of mouthwash strips lay abandoned on the forest floor.

I could be there in minutes. If I hurried. This was not good. Leaping over the Queets River, I blazed a trail between the Humes and Queets glaciers. I turned my thoughts back to Angela's confused mind. My dear little one might need me. It was rude to be late. Genevieve said so. And Angela had mentioned something about an apple; I searched through her mind until I realized the color was the very same one from Jasper's vision. I would have slapped myself had I the luxury of time.

Since I couldn't read my girlfriend's mind due to nature's curse, I was not sure about my singer's immediate physical health. I could definitely tell Angela had ingested something probably like the drug Rohypnol. They were in the woods away from the crowds. Reaching my mind out for the thoughts of others, I realized that my suspicions were justified as I descended into a new form of hell. I passed Mount Carrie and crossed Cat Creek. Apparently, I had been right not to trust the Gorgon. We were under attack.

Grace and I detected several groups, mortal and immortal, stalking prey in the area. And one coterie in particular had the images of my girlfriend and Miss Weber dancing in their twisted minds like diamonds glinting in the light. The gifts I'd been given were indeed powerful, but they didn't permit me to be in five places at once. And the immortals had only recently entered my range. The mortals had merely been leering brazenly at women, their thoughts repulsive, but not criminal.

I pounced on their minds rifling for any clue I could find. Men were coming. Predators like me. And they had drugged the festival goers by tainting the cider. A second group, this one of two immortals, was farther away to the North but moving in the festival's direction. They had just entered my range.

Paula's closed to the pack mind perked up as she asked through our shaman link, "What is the problem, Edward?"

I snarled out an answer to her.

Cooly, she said, "Be there in a sec." She had left the festival to join in on the fun since her replacement had been on his way. We hadn't factored in that John Quill drove like a little old lady and still wasn't there.

Paula couldn't text anyone about it as she was in wolf form sans phone having slipped away from the festival to train. She tried sending her thoughts to Seth and Sam. Only Seth caught her attempt to communicate. And he couldn't effectively link with the others yet.

I called Irina and said, "Immortals, two groups. Eight of them. Landing Discovery Bay. Two pronged attack. Two others ten miles due north of festival."

She turned to her sisters, Peter, Charlotte, the newborns and the other wolves and said, "We're under attack. Ten immortals, splint in eight and two. From what Edward says, three separate groups of men are hunting women at the festival." Irina concerned herself with the immortal threat. "Let's go," and sprinted to meet her prey.

I reinforced her message showing images to the pack that Grace and I had detected. Seth shouted, "Man, I'm so going to chomp on anyone who lays a hand on my sisters."

The newborns were actually excited about fighting as they kept pace with the wolves. Tanya took Seth, Sam and Charlotte to intercept the two immortals that were closing in on the festival. Eagerly, Irina took the rest of the pack and Peter and Kate and the newborns to stalk the red-eyed people at Discovery Bay. Paula and I decided to lower the protective ring around the wolves as they needed to fight without interference.

Making calls on my cell phone while sprinting at top speed was not a challenge ordinarily as I hit the speed dial for Emmett's number. Conversing while leaping over three separate tributaries of the Hoh river, was an entirely other matter. If engaging in battle with the purple-eyed red-eyed people, I needed my brothers as much as I hated to disturb them from their evening of rolling around trying not to vomit on the pack. They were driving on their way to join the training ground that now stood empty like a lonely stadium after the conclusion of a game.

"Hey PukeWard shouldn't you be with Bella already?" He was driving his Jeep thinking about how much he loved the engine on his way to the festival.

"Red-eyed people Yorkie farm. Need help. Two immortals, nine miles north. She's hunted by humans. Southern orchard."

"Hang tight, baby brother, we're on our way."

My brother, Jasper, Rosalie and Mary Alice could be here in minutes given that Emmett drove like a maniac. I'd overlook the patronizing 'baby brother' comment just like I had for the past fifty years. Jasper could use his laptop to trace my phone if need be. Almost halting me in my tracks, Mary Alice experienced a vision so ghastly it made the one with Tyler seem mundane. She whimpered and Jasper picked up on her emotions and transmitted them to the occupants in the car.

She texted my phone with shaking fingers, "You have three minutes. Or she'll die."

At her words, Emmett yelped and pushed the car even harder.

Seeing the thoughts in my sister's mind, I believe, was the point I lost my mind. There were more men in the group that I'd originally detected. Lots more. She saw what would happen if I didn't run faster. And it was bad. Very bad. Unspeakably bad. Worse than anything I had ever seen or done bad. When the realization struck me, a three ton lump of rock to my right vaporized.

Recalling the faces from her vision, I used Grace to search the area for them. I found one group near my girlfriend. Another stalked women a mile away on the north side of the orchard. A last group lurked around the dance watching the humans like vultures, searching for weak ones to separate from the herd.

She had a cell phone. She had to have it on her. Logic said so. My frantic fingers dialed at vampire speed. It rang three times on the floor of her father's cruiser before sounding an electronic message. When I got my hands on her.....

I roared in fury as I wove through the thick trees, blasting three large ones in the process into sawdust, and dived head first over Dead Man's Gulch. The ten immortals I sensed were strangers. Then again, considering we hadn't exactly been social butterflies, this was not a surprise. Skeevy did not rank among them, and _that_ most definitely was.

The group at Discovery Bay appeared to be quite old, not in a geriatric way, though. And ill-tempered. I raided their thoughts like a lumbering bear, not caring if they detected me or not. They thought in pristine Umbrian, and were on average 1,642 years old. None had particular gifts I could detect, aside from a heightened sense of smell in one, and a venom tattoo of an owl on another's temple.

I couldn't sense their motivation as they were thinking about the last puny humans they ate and the weakness of American blood due to antibiotics in their meat and other mundane details of no use to me. Perhaps they were old friends of Tanya's trying to look her up? Forgetting that whole need to pretend my powers weren't as strong as they were, I beamed their image to her, Kate, and Irina in a blind state of panic. Unfortunately, my powers spluttered and I could only do it for a second. Communicating with the wolves was almost effortless. Immortals? Not so much.

Tanya texted back to me, "Strangers. Clan symbol Western France. Lost Coven."

If they were male immortals and Tanya and her sisters had never met them, we were definitely in trouble since they had been social butterflies, for lack of a more appropriate term, for eons. I tried to send the images to my siblings and parents. Ignoring my fluttering wolf gifts, I attempted again calling out to the spirits. Trying to transmit thoughts in two different regions at the same time, proved more than I could handle. My powers flickered then, and I bellowed in anguish and I went, gift-wise, temporarily blind. My bellow caused a landslide behind me of rocks that disappeared before they landed on the wet earth.

I couldn't sense my girlfriend and neither Grace. Nor could I see the Discovery Bay immortals. They had vanished into thin air. I had two minutes and forty seconds left. Pleading with the spirits, furiously, I flung out my wolf power, ignored my pounding skull and the searing flames that roared across my chest, and encountered Angela's wandering mind.

"Where are we?" Things were becoming hazy in Angela's vision and she did not make for a reliable scout. My sometimes Fake Girlfriend put her arm around her friend and squeezed her shoulder. Considering the trouble they were in, she appeared entirely too composed.

"We're heading toward the orchard, remember? We're going to find Ben so you can ask him out."

Angela's words were slurred and rapid, "Oh, that sounds like a plan. Why do I want to ask him out? And is this the apple or the walnut orchard? It looks like regular trees to me." They both stopped walking and studied the trees. They needed to run! Not categorize the arboretum!

John Quill didn't believe in answering his cell phone while driving due to that whole not wanting to be distracted while operating a moving motor vehicle business, which was downright inconveniencing me at present. He was not in wolf form; as that would have made squeezing into his blue 1976 Volkswagen beetle a trifle difficult, so he could not "hear" the pack's need of him.

Rather than waste time making useless phone calls, I chose another way to obtain his attention. I asked the Quileute spirits ever so nicely if they would assist me in informing him seeing as my powers were blinking on and off at a rate that disturbed me. Perhaps I startled him by shouting the situation at wolf speed into his mind, as he drove his car off the road into a ditch. Despite going through the windshield and being in a deserted area, he healed nicely. He reached into the back of his crumpled car for supplies, and transformed into his burly black-coated beast. Irritated that he didn't have time to hide the car and avoid official detection as explaining a single person car crash without having a scratch would be difficult, he apologized, "Edward, I'm sorry. I'll get there as soon as I can." He did take the time to backhand a tree onto his car thinking that might aid things. It completely flattened the vehicle.

"No keep moving," I wanted to shout at the girls, John, too.

Angela started as they heard rustling. I tore through Boulder Creek, scaring a family of beavers and all but flew over the pink spreading phlox wildflowers adorning Happy Lake Ridge that reminded me of her blush. I snarled at whoever had given the ridge such a moronic name at a time like this. Only when she was safe in my arms where she belonged would I be happy. Reaching out with my mind, the larger group of the pack that ran with Irina had picked up the pace. They tore up and down Mt. Chatham all but setting fire to the ground with their paws, heading northeast following Irina's lead.

"What was that?" Angela whispered. "It sounded like coyotes."

Unfortunately, her human senses were right. They were being hunted by animals, just not those ones. I recognized their degraded nature from their minds. I kept recalling Genevieve speaking through my girlfriend saying, "Don't be late."

"Angela, you're freaking me out. Come on, let's hurry it's pitch black now."

They heard another rustling noise. Followed by a mocking chuckle that, from Angela's perspective, seemed to come from on all sides.

With an unusually calm expression, my human moved to have her back facing an old tree, an oak in the middle of the orchard with a trunk so thick it sheltered the two of them. She used a tall huckleberry bush for cover. A large boulder lay behind the tree. Black gravel littered the adjoining earth from a landscaping project that appeared to have been abandoned years ago. Good girl, I thought, use the tree to protect your back, as she surreptitiously gripped something in her fist. And she used the graveled terrain behind her as a natural warning system. She could hear someone approaching from behind if they walked on the rocks.

"Well hello there, ladies. Looks like you could use a hand." An overly hearty voice boomed from the darkness.

From Angela's fuzzy eyes, I saw five large men come out on each side, surrounding the girls, arms at their sides, ready to pounce. They had a leashed bloodhound. Five others stood in the background. The moon was behind them and they blocked the light standing ominously tall and bulky in Angela's mind. She could not get a good look at their faces, but Grace could. I took the image and sent it to my siblings and the pack. I begged the Quileute spirits for extra strength on her shield to protect her from mortals. They did not answer.

Back at the house, Mother and Father knew better than to call any of us.

Eleazar said, "We should join. If they attack the house, there's no one here for them to hurt."

Then the phone in Father's hand rang as he agreed, moving to the door. He froze in his tracks.

"Dear?" Mother said.

"It's Aro." Father sighed. "I can't ignore his call."

Carmen said, "We're not leaving you here alone. We'll stay together then, and prepare medical supplies in case any one is wounded."

Father answered the phone with a placid, "Hello, Aro."

"Oh my dear Carlisle. It's been ever so long. I must come visit soon." Aro had a lilting tenor voice.

"That would be charming," I had to give him that; he obfuscated like no other.

There was a pause as Father waited for Aro to tell him the point of his call. It could vary from anything to asking his opinion on a historical matter, to a medical issue, to discussing the latest peculiar thing he'd learned about humans.

Aro sighed, "We've been so busy since that bit of bother in Los Angeles. We had to discipline the Cincinnati coven this afternoon, I'm afraid." By discipline I can only assume there were no longer immortals residing within the confines of that city, having blown away in the wind from their funeral pyre.

"Oh, dear."

"They told a human. And did not turn him. One of them was actually fornicating with the imbecile and crushed his arm." Father went very still. The others leaned forward, hearing the words.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Aro." Father thought we were going to have to turn my girlfriend that night, or the entire family could die. I had neglected to tell him Eve's announcement about the treaty. Texting it at that moment would most definitely appear suspicious. And it's not like anyone was near enough to my girlfriend, save me, who had a working set of fangs. I'd put out that fire later. I had two minutes. I ignored Aro and Father, and turned back to begging the spirits for assistance.

Jugurtha said, "They don't always let you know they've granted a wish, you know. Focus on running. We need to get there. If our dear little one's shields show to the human Angela's eyes, we are going to have a serious problem."

Starched Shirt Edward turned from his frantic rosary reciting in Latin to say, "Kill the evil women hunting bastards. And their little dog, too."

Well, then. It was three to zero, which was totally fair. I'd have to remind him to pray to St. Francis later. Grace and I concentrated on the girls in the south orchard.

"What do you say, guys, do they look like they need us?" an oily voice crooned from the largest one, apparently their leader, by the way they stood around him. He scratched his jaw with one hand and caressed his bulging belly with the other.

Thanks to Grace, I could see them clearly, but I knew my singer could not. Bursting from the Park, I groveled to the Quileute powers to aid me, praying Hezekiah's name. I even reached out for Young to Me Old Power. She might not want to talk to me, but she had cared for my girlfriend on some level due to that whole Liam providing their food supply issue and all, and I was beyond pride at this point.

And sheer spite, I must confess, made me mentally bellow at the Other Immortals on the O'Shea farm, Eve included, who guarded the cave, "Thanks so much for your coven's promised assistance. If Liam's grand-niece dies, I'm going to personally burn every last microbe of algae from your miserable dank cave. What a marvelous way to reward his sacrifice for your kind."

I wasn't sure if that message reached them, mind you, as my brain felt wrapped in cotton batting. But it was the thought that counted. My feet moved faster than ever before, as if Mercury had loaned me his shoes. I moved at double the rate that ordinary vampires could, so said Grace.

My mind took me back to my little algae lover's side. She acted wary at the offer of assistance.

"It's the neighborly thing to do," the one on their right added, in a bass voice rich enough to make a voice instructor weep tears of joy.

I had shielded my singer from immortal and 'I really wish they'd stay dead' mortal _spiritual_ tampering. I hadn't planned on it being mortal _physical _tampering at the time I had placed the barriers. Frankly, I wasn't sure if the spirits had honored my request, and really didn't think now an appropriate time to test that hypothesis. Seeing as I didn't have a control group and all. And--

"Shut up and run! One minute and fifty seconds." Jugurtha roared, staring at his stopwatch. Good man. Right. Running now.

_"Don't be late,"_ Resounded again in my mind.

In that moment, I can honestly say I have never been so happy in my tortured undead existence to see a herd of wild goats. The United States Government had decided to experiment and had released four of them into the park which had quickly exploded into quite a large collection of inbred stinky mammals that now plagued the same governmental officials. Questionable ancestry aside, the herd was smart enough to sense the menace pouring from me as they bleated and leapt nimbly out of the way.

Adorned in lush coats of green fir trees, Mount Baldy laid before me to my right, Mount Storm King to my left. They were roughly the same elevation, so I sprinted between them. I was getting close. John was two minutes behind me, although for an old man he ran awfully fast. She didn't have two minutes.

I told him to aim for the older immortals. Tanya was on her way there, too, as they were in between her and my girlfriend. She didn't plan on stopping to chat and catch up on old times.

Not realizing I could hear her every perception, Tanya groused in her mind, _"Stupid boy, I learned the hard way not to fall for a mortal with Alexander. They all died on me. Every last one. And immortal sex is so much more fun. If she dies, I really do think he'll completely go around the bend."_

Since I didn't need to ponder Tanya's intimate life, with a shudder, I turned my timesharing brain back to my girlfriend. Angela sat down on the ground holding onto my dear little bottle cap for support as she sank, "I need to take a nap."

"You can take a nap in a minute. Remember your boyfriend is meeting us with Eric and Tyler right now? And Edward is on his way." It was a valiant attempt. Ironically, I had Lake Sutherland to my left, and I was indeed striving to reach her side. I had one minute and seven seconds.

"Who?" Angela blinked at my little algae lover, rubbing her eyes. "I don't have a boyfriend. Do I?"

The men didn't buy my girlfriend's bluff for a second, thanks to Angela. I could hear the ringleader's thoughts as he gazed at the two of them. They had drugged all the punch bowls that had initially been used. They had planned on creating mass hysteria when the chemicals took effect and take their pick of the women in the confusion. The leader, Hank, wondered at the luck his associates were having in their end of the orchard finding dates.

Eric Yorkie had interfered with their fun and only a few festival-goers had been drugged. These were their first choices. They planned on returning to the crowd for more once they secured the girls with the rope one of them had in his backpack, and the duct tape, too. If they could find any more drugged women, they grumbled. So they decided to have fun with the ones they had. The dog they'd trained to track the scent of the drug as well as their prey.

I was so going to kill these bastards. Not only for merely contemplating laying a finger on my girlfriend, they were ruining our date before it even began. Romance killers. I couldn't have that. Mary Alice would be disappointed. And my dear little one must be so frightened. I couldn't have that, either. Therefore, these men had to die. I'd gladly break my multiple decades' long record of non-murdering ways. Just this once.

And for the Gorgon to launch after I had brought her long lost daughter to her? Typical aristocrat devious female. I was most definitely going to be having a not so lovely conversation with her. Chivalry be damned.

I felt like someone else took control of my body as I willingly called upon the Quileute powers, "Please spirits, if this is one of the tests that Hezekiah said you would put me through, I'll make any sacrifice you ask, I'll take any pain you send. Please make me run faster. I only have fifty seconds. Please. I'm begging you."

Seeing as the agony that ripped through me was unexpected, I deduced that they'd answered my request. Gritting my teeth, I did my best to ignore the sensations roiling through me and put one foot in front of the other. Regardless of the speed at which my feet flew, I felt impotent.

Worse, I couldn't use Grace, because if I did, then that would most definitely reveal supernatural things to my singer that she was best not knowing. Angela, too. In order to touch human flesh, Grace told me she would be visible to my singer since she had been officially bonded to the tribe. If my girlfriend learned of our secret, Volturi law said I had to kill her or turn her. If I turned her, the Vancouver coven would kill me and my family. So Grace couldn't be used. The fine print on paperwork was ruining my date and my life. Hers, too.

Grace and I returned to supervising with dread the conversation between the mob and my dear little one, "Oh the poor dear, why don't we just help you?" Hank, the one I determined to be the leader's voice, echoed from the inky darkness. He enjoyed taunting her. Drugged or not, she appeared too calm for his tastes. He was going to have to fix that.

"No thank you, I've already called for help." She patted the pocket of her bright red cloak that had reflectors sewn on it.

In the dark, she'd be lit up to mortal and immortal eyes. Drat. "Please start stripping," sounded so wrong to pray to the Quileute spirits. But I did it anyway. For moral purposes of course. Just her jacket, though.

"You don't look like the calling for help type." He jeered.

"Why would you say that?" She was debating him over her personality? She needed to run!

"You're cute, but a meek little mouse. That's why we picked you." He sounded as if she had won the lottery.

Indignantly, she said, "Picked me? For what?" I could tell by her face she had something planned. She wore the same countenance she used in chess when she won. Which frightened the living and unliving daylights out of me. And resulted in the death of four trees as I passed, vaporizing and leaving trails of sawdust in my wake.

Those men easily were over 180 pounds each. She couldn't fight one of them, much less them all. I had forty seconds.

"You're going to be our date for the evening. You and your little friend." I did not need to see his face to tell he leered at her. And she was most definitely otherwise engaged for the evening. And every one else after that.

"No. Sorry. I have a boyfriend. But thanks for asking." She adopted a bored expression. Genevieve had trained her to show manners to a butchering potential murderer and his accomplices? Her relatives really were certifiably insane. I needed no further proof. My poor little delusional bottle cap.

The leader of the mob rumbled, "I don't believe we care. But we don't mind if your mythical boyfriend watches, do we boys?" They chortled. Jostling each other as they laughed, they took a step closer. "We'll even let him participate in the first part."

Mythical? I'd show him_ mythical_. What was that line from the Monkey's Paw, "Careful what you wish for?" That's right. He should have been better read in literature, I sniffed. I most definitely planned on watching what _he_ wished for. Assisting, too. And even better, now that I'd been officially invited, I couldn't wait to get there and personally make his acquaintance.

The leader thought of his cell phone, wondering if the boss men had the new number since he'd recently changed it. Perfect. I texted him a message. I had to RSVP. Manners said so.

"You really should care. My Dad's not far that way." She pointed towards the lights and crowd. My dear little one sounded so confident now. I was so proud of her. Although I planned on yelling at her for not running away and leaving Angela behind at the nearest opportunity. Angela was expendable, my little bottle cap was not. Ok, fine, I would feel terrible for a few seconds if anything happened to Angela, and would most likely track anyone down who harmed her and mete out punishment. Miss Weber was not my singer, and my singer could not be replaced in my life, not just on the basis of her scent. But for her soul. That's it, her nature. She was naturally designed to appeal to me on every level. That and the very idea of her getting so much as a hangnail horrified me. Miss Weber was important to my singer, I mean my girlfriend, and harm to her could cause harm to my dear little one, and that would irritate me. It was a testimony to her loyalty that she stayed at her friend's side and faced those beasts.

Hank, their portly leader, jumped as his phone chirped with the reception of my message.

Blocking my number, I'd sent the words, "Wait for me."

Hank decided their bosses had sent the message since they usually texted him. He didn't mind waiting for a while to see who sent it, seeing as he wanted to meet them in person. He was having fun anyway, and no one was nearby that could interfere. He had all the time in the world.

Speaking of important to my dear little one, I reached out with my mind to find the nearest Clearwater. I nearly tripped at what I saw.

In the crowd of the festival, Leah Clearwater's stomach bothered her still despite that whole vomiting earlier bout. Emily and Jennifer sipped on their now cold cider and handed her a can of soda they'd thoughtfully bought. They walked near the woods on the north side of the orchard to take in the air as Leah vomited behind a tree. They had a group of men closing in on them.

"Oh my, do you need help?" One of them crooned.

Emily said, "My cousin is pregnant, she'll be fine. Thank you for asking."

She stepped closer to Leah, who now leaned against the tree, muttering, "No one told me it would be this bad. God." Jennifer moved to Leah's other side, standing sentinel, and faced the five men with a frightened face.

Three of the beasts stayed in the festival crowd watching with amusement as more people started to stumble. The five that stalked the Clearwater girls in the northern part of the orchard intended on herding them slowly towards their accomplices in the southern part of the orchard. Bouncing from mind to mind, I discerned the entire group was supervised by cell phone by a pair of immortals, although the men didn't realize them as such. The mob had been given descriptions of victims, not names, and ordered to kill them. Leah didn't match what they'd been ordered to find, but the other two girls did. They didn't plan on leaving Leah out of the fun, though. It was only right.

In Tanya's group, I sent Seth the image of his eldest sister and he exploded from his companions. The men were about 400 feet away from my cousin and the pack. Tanya and her group hit them with such a force they never felt their death and the humans couldn't capture the movement with the naked eye.

Frantic over his soon to be wife and child, Sam snatched one man in his paw. Racing from the area where the humans could hear, he dismembered him with a few chomps, and gave new meaning to the phrase 'bite his head off.' It didn't take the others long to dispatch this group. Seth didn't even think twice as he snapped the neck of the first man he caught in his claws. Tanya had little use for men who abused women, young and pregnant ones at that, and was not particularly gentle with hers, either. Paula and Charlotte tag teamed on theirs. Paula studied Charlotte in concern because her eyes had turned pitch black as she decapitated her target. That explained her inattention. She feared Charlotte might lose control and go after the human girls. Because she was in wolf form, Paula couldn't communicate this apprehension to Tanya. She certainly wasn't going to be stupid enough to phase into human form in front of a thirsty vampire or two to do so. She turned her back to the others and made a soothing noise at wolf pitch to Charlotte, who bent over, hands on her legs, and tried to marshal her control.

When Sam realized all the men were dead, he phased into human form and went positively feral. He could smell Leah and their child. Worse, he could smell her fear as she heard the noises of death, still ignorant of her plight. He needed to see that she was well. He loved her so much. The baby, too. He couldn't wait to marry her and be a Dad. He'd ordered a baseball and mitt on the Internet today.

Sam sprinted back to his love's side, catching the attention of the others in his group as they tried to head him off. The human girls leapt in fright at the sight of the naked as a jaybird Sam. As far as they were concerned, the looming men had simply disappeared from the forest with squeaks into the dark.

Leah smiled, realizing he had just unphased. The others had no idea why her boyfriend was naked and thought him disgusting and bellowed loudly their disapproval that he was a shame to the entire tribe. At the sound of her sneer, Sam turned and saw Emily in the moonlight. This was bad. This was very bad. I sent Paula, Seth and John Quill the images along from Sam's mind.

Paula thought, _"Oh Lord, no. Please not now."_ She growled at Tanya and gave a head toss in Charlotte's direction. Tanya didn't need to be told twice to watch over the almost out of control immortal. She slapped Charlotte a few times and said, "Discipline. There's a buck right over there, let's go have a snack." She dragged Charlotte away to hunt.

Sam stared in fascination as if he'd witnessed the face of God.

"Uh hello, remember me, the mother of your child? Right here, big guy." Leah teased, leaning against a tree, waving her arm to get his attention.

Taller than her by a head, Emily held Leah by the waist, and patted her back, biting her tongue at her real opinion on her cousin's fiancé. Emily thought Sam was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. Here he showed up naked when his pregnant due to being seduced in her hospital bed girlfriend vomited. And here he was after they'd had the life scared out of them by those creeps expecting sex? Poor Leah had been throwing up all day. Emily planned on having a talk to Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry about this. She fingered her phone in her pocket and turned it on. She hit the speed dial to call Aunt Sue.

"We were meant for each other." His eyes had taken on this odd fire to them and seemed to be glowing in the dark, which was utterly creepy. Emily and Jennifer glanced at one another in confusion. They thought he was teasing Leah when they realized he was staring at them. Emily decided he was a complete jerk to treat Leah like this, and turned away from him, not wanting to see him naked. Maybe he was high on something.

Sue answered the phone, "Emily where are you all?"

Sam reached for her hand and took it in his own falling to his knees, ignoring that she yelped and tried to pull away, "Marry me, Emily."

Over the phone Sue said, "That has to be a joke, right?"

The astonished ring-wearing Leah and slack-jawed Jennifer, not to mention Emily, did not find this amusing. John was in wolf form and didn't want to traumatize the women by un-phasing. He also truly had no idea what was happening. Paula couldn't communicate it and I tried to send the information in a short burst as I sprinted. I didn't have time to stop and interfere; I had to save my girlfriend. By John's behavior, it didn't sound like my message had been received. I sent another wave trying to link to Seth, Paula, and John at once. I stumbled head over heels rolling down a hill as the pain crashed into me. Crawling from the ground, I leapt up and continued my flight. I'd done what I could from here. The rest was up to them. Paula had better develop her powers soon.

"Sam, this is not funny." Leah snapped, bursting into tears.

Over the phone Sue said, "Leah, baby? Emily? Are you there?"

"I need that ring back. I have a better use for it." Sam said happily pointing at Leah's trembling hand. "We'll invite you to be a bridesmaid. Girls like that right? Oh Emily, we're going to be so happy. You'll see. You are my life now." He stared at her like the newly converted.

"Have you been sleeping with my fiancé?" Leah turned on Emily, tears coursing down her face and gave her a shove. Due to that height and weight differential, it barely made an impact on Emily physically, but the damage was done. Emily dropped the cell phone. I heard Sue call Harry to her side and put the phone on speaker. Shaking, Emily started to cry. Jennifer, too. Sam was frightening her. She'd never do that to her cousin. And she had her own boyfriend back home.

"No, Leah, I swear! I have a boyfriend." She continued to try to get Sam to release her hand before pleading, "Sam, let go of my hand, you're hurting me."

He dropped her fingers as if they burned and apologized profusely, eyes shining in adoration. He frowned at Leah for her sharp words. She shouldn't make his love unhappy. That was not right. He needed Leah to understand that he'd found his true heart. She'd be happy for him. Emily would make a great mother. Leah would understand their need to be a family. She was cool like that.

"I'm not your fiancé, I'm hers. We're getting married." Sam said while keeping his eyes fixed on Emily. The others had finished disposing of the bodies and had caught up with him. They were debating which form to take. Seth remained in wolf form behind the trees on alpha order from Paula. Tanya and Charlotte had just finished feeding and stepped out into the night. Charlotte had been messy and had blood on her tan shirt. Jennifer and Emily saw them and froze in terror. Paula cursed and phased into human form, realizing the girls would have to be brought in on the secret. Knowing Leah, she'd probably think that Paula and he had been having sex in the woods. Tanya tossed her long coat to Paula, who put it on as they stepped to join the fray, ignoring the fact that Tanya stank to high heaven to her wolf senses.

Leah leapt, arms extended like claws for Emily, and shrieked, "How could you do this to me? I _hate_ you."

Sam, seeing the threat to his imprint, that's what she apparently was, chose that moment to phase into a wolf. Due to that whole accepting more pain bit, I couldn't summon the power divided as it was across the National Forest to move in time. Also, I had thirty seconds to reach my girlfriend. I sent a blast in his direction, a second too late to do any good.

Emily pushed Leah out of the way, and took the brunt of his attack. She died immediately. Jennifer, too. Emily and Jennifer's headless bodies hurled against Leah, who in turn slammed into the trunk of a tree. Paula's power emerged to shelter Leah from further injury, as Sam crashed into a dark green shield she'd erected with a howl. Paula ordered him to stop in an alpha voice. Sam ignored her.

The barrier that I erected milliseconds too late ensured Sam couldn't touch anyone further, mortals as well. Sam snarled at Leah, beating his bloody claws against the rampart. He was determined to kill her in a frenzy of grief over the death of his imprint. He threw his weight repeatedly against the green rings Paula and I'd erected around him and roared. Sue and Harry were both crying. They didn't know where their daughter was. And I didn't have the power to help them.

Using rage he'd contained since that horrible night in 1940, John Quill hit into Sam's side so hard they literally took out two massive trees on their way to the ground.

He used the alpha tone, "You will cease trying to hurt her!"

Sam froze, and John swatted him across the clearing with his right paw. Paula ordered Sam in the alpha tone to un-phase. Nothing happened. John repeated the command, and Sam transformed.

Paula picked up the bloody phone and quietly told Sue and Harry what had happened. "Get to the hospital, we'll have Leah brought there."

Sam blinked around the forest blank-faced. "Leah, honey?" He ran to her side and crashed against the barriers, and moaned. He couldn't decide if he wanted to kiss or kill her. He stared in horror at Emily's body; Jennifer's too, and wondered what had happened. Leah was drenched in blood from her cousins and whimpering in pain.

John remained in wolf form and Seth howled, torn between helping Leah and helping his other sister. He wanted to kill Sam. Right now. And Paula had ordered him not to move so he couldn't help when she needed him. With a heavy heart, I reminded Paula of the two immortals that, having heard the commotion were closing in on them. Paula told Tanya of their plight before transforming.

John commanded Seth to phase into wolf form and give chase after the other immortals and said, "There's nothing you can do to help Leah. Bella needs you. Move it."

Tanya grabbed Leah and said to Sam, "She's going to the hospital. Seeing as I'm clothed and faster than you, I'll do it. You have a mess to clean up." He began to pursue my cousin; fearful Tanya would feast on the blood covered girl. John growled an order and Sam froze in place.

Charlotte had moved as far away from the bleeding bodies as she could, and struggled to keep her lips closed. She ceased breathing, begging God to give her control. She didn't want to leap on those dead humans and feed. But they smelled so good.

To distract herself she said, "Tanya has stopped breathing. She's seen more blood than that and not attacked. She's your best chance at getting the girl to the hospital in time."

Again, using the alpha tone, John commanded Sam to remain in place.

Sam screamed, "I have to get to the hospital. And oh God, Emily!"

Charlotte said, "You have two immortals and other humans that you as a pack member need to kill. And you don't have time to go to the hospital. Move it.

_"Phase back now."_ John commanded him in silence. Sam cried soundlessly, staring at the bodies, and phased into wolf form at the mental command from John.

Livid, I slammed up separate rings around the entire pack. I had fifteen seconds. They weren't killing any other innocent humans tonight. This was going to be bad. Very bad.

Jugurtha nodded.

Starched Shirt Edward wept, "Those poor girls. I'm going to pray for their soul. And the baby."

Jugurtha said, "We don't know that she has lost the child yet."

"You and I both know the odds of her not losing the child are slim." He said grimly. Without a word, he returned to his bench.

I had not bothered to tell anyone about imprinting because Hezekiah had said it was a fluke. Paula had thought the same. I had never been more sorry to have been wrong.

Back in the south orchard with my girlfriend and Angela Weber, the men weren't impressed at the idea of an armed Charles Swan when my dear little one claimed her father had a weapon, "That won't stop us," the fat one laughed.

"You might want to rethink that position. He's good with a gun. And he has lots of friends with extra time on their hands." Her voice was calm because again, she spoke the truth. Her father adored his gun collection. Had she told them he was a police officer, they most likely would have killed her right away. Saying he was nearby and implying he was armed and that she had contacted him was a good strategy, even if it froze the human blood in my veins. And my little algae lover sounded like she was advising the men against making a bad move on a chess game, for crying out loud. Was she normal? Shouldn't she appear afraid? I'd just seen Emily and Jennifer die. I couldn't let that happen to her and Angela.

And where were the eight immortals I sensed in the Discovery Bay area? Grace couldn't find them, either. John Quill's party fast approached the two that lurked north of the festival. I couldn't sense anything from those two immortal males beyond they were younger than the group at Discovery Bay, bored and tired of waiting, and this was the stupidest job they had ever been assigned. They planned on killing the humans a month from now to cover their tracks. I'd worry about them later. I had priorities. Hank, the leader of the southern orchard group spoke again, regaining my attention.

"Really? Your Dad likes to shoot? And his friends? Excellent. I love a challenge. The last one we had fun with was an FBI agent's daughter. Now she was a screamer, wasn't she boys," they all laughed together, "Her dad was a sniper. He's in detox. We had so much fun with his baby girl it broke him when he saw what we posted on her Facebook page. I wonder how your daddy will compare. Because the two of you together, we're all going to have a memory making night that we can relive over and over again," he held up a digital camera. "You two have star potential written all over your sweet freckled faces, and this baby handles night vision like a pro."

"So you're nothing more than a common rapist and murderer?" She raised her eyebrow at him and curled her lip as if he reeked.

"I'm offended, little mouse, that you would think me capable of rape. That's disgusting. I can assure you that no one will harm you. In _that _way. And for the record, I'm not common. I'm creative as you will soon discover. We've practiced our body art across the country." So that was the new term for serial killing? He gestured at my singer, holding his palms out as if measuring her face. "I see national news coverage with you and those big brown eyes. You look like Little Red Riding Hood, and I can't wait to be your Big Bad Wolf. You have that dewy untouched look that I can't wait to spoil." The others joined him in laughing uproariously.

I'd show him the Big Bad WolfPire. Bastard.

My rage boiled within me, causing the implosion of the collection of boulders I passed into grey powder. The mob still didn't plan on doing anything to the women yet. They liked to toy with their victims as long as possible verbally to amp up the fear. Their thoughts told me they loved to watch the movies later over and over and one of them was filming right now in night vision, careful not to capture the men in the frame, just the girls. The leader snapped their pictures with his camera. He had been told to wait after all. He'd give them thirty seconds. They would understand.

One of them had a cell phone that rang. He looked down at the message and said, "Uh boss, they said we can't harm the special one." He turned his screen to the leader who squinted as he read, grumbling. "They let us do what we wanted with all the other special ones."

"Not this one."

That begged the question. Which one was special?

Near the dance floor, I heard Ben wondering where Angela was, because he intended to ask her to dance. He wanted to make this their first date. He had a rose for her. Charlie was grumbling about getting dunked for the fourth time by Lauren Mallory's sneering father. Apparently Mr. Mallory had paid for the honor of throwing baseballs at him for the next fifteen minutes uninterrupted. He was a little sore about those 25 tickets he got last year in his new Porsche. And his daughter being arrested.

From Angela's muddled thoughts, I could tell she was too frightened to speak and confused as well. With Grace's aid, I could see my girlfriend moving her hands furtively. The men's minds did not consider her a threat. They enjoyed playing with their prey and wanted to make this last as long as possible. Although they were a little disappointed she didn't look afraid yet, the other one showed potential as a tear went down Angela's cheek. They were far enough away from the throng of festival attendees that a scream or two would not be heard over the blaring music and noise of the crowd.

I had run out of time, according to Mary Alice's vision. I howled in pure rage.

Increasing my speed by means I know not with a hiss, the trees literally turned into a blur, the ones that didn't erupt that is. I kept running, cursing that I couldn't fly as I trampled through a throng of sword ferns which grew all over the forest. Why would Violet Gorgon, who had insisted we hand over "them" try to harm my dear little one? She had pursued her all this time merely to kill her when she told me that my girlfriend was no use to her dead? Did she find out that her son that she searched for had died and blame it on me, and decide to kill my dear little one as punishment? I couldn't feel the Gorgon's presence, but that was the only explanation that made sense given the immortals in the area.

The mortal leader liked the sound of his own voice, "Tell you what ladies, to give you a sporting chance, we'll let you have a thirty second head start. Now."

Instead of running like a normal woman would, my little bottle cap shouted, "Hey, Ben and Edward! Over here!"

To my shock, she sounded convincing. As the men swiveled to look for the new threat, my human struck. She aimed for one and hit the jerk standing next to him. Regardless, it was a solid throw that made contact with a wet smacking sound. The man's mind exploded in pain as something glowing and white crashed forcefully against the back of his skull. He screamed and saw stars as he tumbled to the ground, clutching his bleeding head. Once he hit the ground, he vomited. An apple lay at his feet.

The others shook their heads, swearing that it looked like it was glowing when it sailed through the air. Their dog whined, catching the scent of new blood. She cleared her throat to get their attention, damn her, instead of running like any intelligent woman would. Seizing the moment of distraction, as they faced her, my singer sprayed all the men with something that made their eyes burn and throats choke. She included the dog, too. The gasping men doubled over. Curiously, they now glowed in the dark where they had been hit with the chemical. She chose that time to make her escape, yanked Angela by the arm, and ran. Her necklace appeared to be on fire it throbbed so brightly. Miss Weber didn't seem to notice as they sprinted away into the trees.

Tanya reached the hospital in record time. She was even sweet to Leah, a rare feat for Tanya around a human girl, telling her, "Hang on there. Fight." The emergency room personnel at Port Angeles took Leah into their care. Tanya left since there was nothing more she could do to help Leah and the child beyond create a story about a tragic wolf attack. As she sprinted back at vampire speed to the forest, Tanya winced as she heard Leah screaming for her baby.

John commanded Seth to stay in wolf form and help his other sister. They had two immortals to kill. Seth couldn't wait. Charlotte, with a nod of her head, urged them to run faster.

Reaching for the mind of the two immortals who appeared to be supervising the humans, I encountered two vampires, one 300 years old, the other 269. One was from Central America, the other from Kenya by the tenor of their thoughts. They hated this job. Killing humans - rather ordering humans to kill humans was a waste of their talent, the older one sniffed. They caught the scent of human blood from Emily and Jennifer on the wind, and moved to have a taste or two.

Back in the South Orchard, Angela whispered, "Ben left me," as she cried while moving.

"No he didn't. He's waiting for you," my dear little one soothed pushing her friend to move faster.

"Who?" Angela said.

As my three minutes ended, I noticed her daisy had come loose and dangled from her shirt. I had run out of time. Speech escaped me as my feet pounded the earth.

"Man that was messed up. I know I didn't drink that punch." One of them mumbled as he coughed, wiped away the tears in his eyes, and watched his compadre writhing on the ground. "Frank, man, you ok? Shake it off. She's a girl. And she just threw an apple at you, for crying out loud, you wimp. The mace will wear off."

He must have been drugged, because I did not see her wielding a mace. I would have remembered that. She had not had a long stick with a spiked metal ball in her hand. She could have killed herself with it, given her balance issues.

"She can't get far. They're too drugged," another one said, swearing and choking.

"Somebody likes to fight. I love a girl with a sense of pride. Oh, the fun we're going to have beating it out of her," the leader promised as they crawled to their feet and gave chase, wiping their eyes and coughing as they stumbled.

I was fifteen seconds late. The "special ones" from the leader's thoughts, were females that apparently were left in isolated locations for the immortals. The humans had never seen them, nor, as long as the money poured in, did they much care who employed them. Or what happened to the girls, professional curiosity aside.

Ahead of the mob, my girlfriend grabbed Angela by her hair and snarled, "We are going to ask Ben out right now!"

"Ok, Ok, you don't have to be so pushy. Who's Ben?" Angela ran with my human.

The soon to be corpses, still wiping their streaming eyes, did not plan on permitting the girls to escape. They figured they didn't have to be able to see them too well to disable them. Besides, the stupid things were running right into the arms of Pete, Adrian, and Fred who had lingered around the punch bowl to see if they could drug it again. They had been told to head this way about now. Too bad she'd sprayed the dog, too. He was now useless. They swore they would make her pay, leaving the bleeding one behind with the dog.

The supervising immortals, as they ran, smelled the blood on the wind as the concussed man was closer to them than the now too cold to drink human girls. They decided they needed to pay a personal call, and dispatched the concussed human with glee and a sip or five. That was about the time John Quill's party found them. One had his fangs in the man's neck, the other his leg. John didn't worry about table manners.

Charlotte advised him he'd have to dismember the concussed human, too, as he'd been bitten with venom. John started a pyre as he sniffed the rain brewing. It was a good thing Jasper had insisted everyone wear containers of Greek fire. Mr. Battle Plan Extraordinaire had told us the Greeks had terrified the enemy throwing it on ships in the 7th century. Water did not put it out.

Charlotte said, "This is too close to the humans to handle. We have to move the bodies to burn them."

Grabbing scattered limbs, they ran further into the forest. Seth didn't care about the bodies; he just wanted to reach his sister. He was frantic about Leah and the baby. He'd deal with Sam later.

In the southern orchard, reading the mortal animals' thoughts as they pursued my woman, they had no idea about the fate of their now bleeding not so much associates. They thanked the Lord that more were on their way about a minute behind, if they had stuck to the plan. They liked to have large parties with the ladies. Everyone got their turn to be an artist. It was only right.

My human told Angela, "Ben is going to be your boyfriend if you ask him to dance. We have to get there before the other girls. I know you used to run track. We need to hurry."

She took her bright red coat that had reflective strips on the back off, and threw it to the west. It dangled on the branch of a tree, as they headed for the south instead. The men would think she'd run towards the festival as any normal human would, except, of course, for my crazy girlfriend.

Nodding, Angela increased her pace for about two minutes as they raced side by side in the pitch black. Unfortunately for them, the men picked up the coat and recognized it for the ploy that it was. Once of them started fumbling through its pockets as he ran. Angela tried not to panic, hearing the sound of pursuit from behind.

My girlfriend was in shape and had muscular legs, but I knew she did not run regularly due to her condition. It was only a matter of time before it happened. She tripped when a log she stepped on collapsed under her weight. That one wasn't too bad. She pulled herself up off the ground, and kept moving. It appeared she tried to shake off the pain with a grimace. Angela ran a few feet in front of her gasped, doubled over, and crumpled to the ground unconscious. My little algae lover couldn't react in time, tripped over Miss Weber's body, and sailed into a tree trunk with an "oof." Landing in a tangle of limbs and leaves, rubbing her temple, my human lurched for Angela and yanked her into the dark to hide behind a cluster of five feet tall salal bushes, as clouds obscured the moon and thunder boomed.

Back at the dance floor, the crowd on the farm started chanting, "rain rain rain," and kept dancing, oblivious to the danger, as some of them started stumbling. It was chilly by human standards tonight. I hated the idea of her being frightened and cold in the dark. I was so close I could smell her. Then she had to go and scare the wits from me again. My girlfriend pulled out the vampire knife Liam had given her from its scabbard she had tucked in her jeans. Who went armed on a Real Date? That wasn't normal. Odd. Very odd. In an endearing sort of way.

Jugurtha said, "She's been wearing that knife since Emmett gave it back to her when she is not around you. No one has detected it." I hadn't noticed it because I'd been too miserable to check my girlfriend for illegal weapons at school while wondering how I'd earned her wrath. Silly me.

Now would be a good time to give me the gift of flight, I whined to the Quileute spirits, who were having none of that. It was not possible for me to run any faster, although I tried.

She peered through the leaves of the salal bush at the men approaching wiping at their eyes. Grabbing Angela's dead weight, she tried to hunker down near the earth. She had one finger on the bottle of chemicals again and crouched in front of her friend's lax body with a defiant look on her face and knife in the other hand.

I could hear her asthma start as she strove to be quiet, gasping for air and clutching her chest with her knife hand. Shaking, she dropped the knife like I expected an ordinary person faced with an overwhelming enemy to do so she could flee. Instead, she reached into her pocket and removed an inhaler, and gently depressed the level to take a dose. She tucked it back into her pants. Smart girl to keep her head in a crisis, I thought proudly. Although I'd prefer she be running the other way. Like normal humans would. But no, I had to go and date the heroine. Then she lifted the knife from the ground after covering it with the wet earth.

"She's keeping what little moonlight there is from reflecting on the blade," Jugurtha noted with approval. "Her Great-Uncle was smart."

She tried to bury Angela's gleaming sweater with leaves. Her own clothes were dark. She kept her face toward the ground although she rubbed dirt on it.

"I like her even more now," Jugurtha said, "She's keeping her face from shining in the moonlight. Her hands, too."

I leapt across a ravine landing franticly, as I scrabbled for purchase on the other side and burned through the miles. I couldn't fail her. She had to live. She was mine. The idea that she had to actually bear arms because I had not been at her side when she needed me competed with the vision that Mary Alice had experienced earlier. I couldn't figure out why I felt like howling at that moment, I pondered, as a furious and might I add, loud one emerged from my throat.

Across the forest, Paula's party looked up from their bonfire that burned in the rain due to that Greek fire brilliant suggestion of Jasper. Now that the bodies had been burned, Seth saw no reason to stick around and leapt to aid his sister. Irina's party heard me as well, and wondered about my mental and spiritual well being.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Proper vampires don't howl."

Jugurtha said, "This one does. Let him focus."

My siblings heard my howl. Emmett said, "Oh hell, the boy never spoke until he met Bella. And he's gone completely around the bend if he's howling. God knows what those freaky dog powers are doing to him. This is bad. Run."

They leapt into the darkness of the forest and tore through the miles. Jasper's mind reached out for my emotions that I didn't bother to block and those of our prey and the girls.

He told the others, "This really is horrendous. We have to go faster." He had gone into calm voice mode, which could not be good.

They were already going at full speed, but increased their rate anyway as they heard me baying. We all winced as we heard the screaming when a drunk party-goer stumbled upon the bodies of Jennifer and Emily. Old Man Yorkie personally came and covered the bodies with tarps to protect them from the rain. Charlie and his fellow police chief were summoned from the water tanks. There was nothing else the elderly farmer could do beyond pray for the girls. He ordered his son to find a rifle to kill the wolves that had clearly done this from the claw marks on the bodies. Tanya had planted the story of barely escaping from a wolf attack at the hospital before she had left. Old Man Yorkie finished the job for her.

The searching through the forest mortal beasts jerked around at the second howling noise I made, wondering what the hell that was. They turned on flashlights looking through the forest for their prey in the darkness. The beasts lined up five in a row. Even without the dog, it didn't take long for them to track her by her breathing before they captured Angela's pale hand that moved as she started to revive in their beams. The third howl I made caused them to whip around in paranoia. The men gathered in front of the hedge and stopped as they heard the wheeze of my human. Her daisy lay on the ground. Alone. It still appeared untouched.

One of the mob said, "Little girl, I am going to make you scream for that. All night long. Maybe tomorrow too. And the day after. And I plan on having myself a really good time teaching you who's boss."

His thoughts were vile. I'd have to help him work on that issue. I tried to control my temper. Really I did. So instead of trees or rock exploding around me, I merely shook the earth a teensy bit. Everyone stopped for the thirty seconds of the quake. A tree fell in front of her separating her from the men. She remained in place, back to the tree trunk she and Angela leaned against. The men walked around the obstruction. She turned to face them. I had never seen that expression on her face. She appeared serene.

The other three men in the group that lurked in the festival grounds, in an angry mood at not being able to drug the cider again, approached from the other side of my dear little one and Angela. Those vultures were still about a half mile away. They had lost their prey when the surrounding partygoers had actually paid attention and taken the drugged ones to get help. They planned on taking out their anger on the girls they did have. Unfortunately for them, they had not factored into their plan running into enraged Cullenary vampires. Jasper whispered their emotions and Mary Alice their plan, and all four leapt upon the men and crushed their throats. Alas, the beasts literally never knew what hit them as they were dispatched with lethal hands. My siblings didn't even stop to sniff the dying men as they darted after my howl.

I had five humans in front of me and five more coming from behind. Sometimes life really was cruel, I wailed. I'd have to do this so she didn't see me. She couldn't discover me for the beast I was, and I dearly wanted to kill those men, and knew I couldn't do it in front of her. I couldn't put her to sleep at present in case the men hurt her. I heard Emmett at vampire pitch call that he was coming.

I whispered back in Xeta, "Hurry, ten humans. Don't want to kill in front of her." I didn't bother to tell my family the men's names. They wouldn't need them for long.

Pure instinct took control of my body, as I approached the men, remaining in the dark to study my prey. I growled. My human shut her eyes and stilled.

Ignoring the short hairs that stood up on the back of his neck, one of the men said, "It's probably a coyote, they run wild around here, or a wolf. Either way, we're armed."

From the pitch black, my voice emerged and startled the men.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you leave the ladies alone. I especially do not like people frightening my girlfriend."

My declaration might have been tardy, but it was heartfelt. And perhaps it was said before the wrong audience, at an inopportune moment, but I felt proud for having declared her my girlfriend again, rather than my Fake Girlfriend. This time I meant it. And my family and the pack were witnesses. So there.

"Oh, look fellows, we have ourselves a hero. How cute. Step in to the light, kid." The ringleader brandished a human weapon - a .9mm, I believe. The others pointed their flashlights at where I had been ten seconds ago. Alas, they hadn't counted on wolf/vampire speed.

To taunt them, I had run my hands along an evergreen shrub so they could see the plant moving as if I had seconds ago left once their flashlight beams landed on it. Their minds indicated the panic they tried not to show, combined with irritation at being torn from their prey. The others were over a minute away.

Reaching out from the branches, I took one and snapped his neck at vampire speed. I flung his body far into the distance so it landed with a thud the mortals nearby could not detect right at the pounding feet of my awed siblings. All the mob knew was that their buddy had literally vanished into thin air. They looked around startled, trying to pretend composure they definitely didn't feel. That's when I grabbed the next man who stood in the middle of the crowd. With this one, I tossed the body where the men could see it, but the girls could not. I had manners, you know. Their beams unfortunately didn't land in it, much to my disappointment. Apparently, I needed practice at terrorizing mortals.

"It's rather amusing you're pointing one of those because you and I both know you can't use it. We're too close to the festival. The noise of the shot definitely would attract all kinds of attention." I taunted. "And where did your friends go? We were having so much fun."

"You're right about the noise. But that's never stopped me before," he said in a matter of fact tone as he fired his weapon.

In a voice that broke the heart I didn't have, my dear little one screamed, "Edward!" and threw her vampire blade as she saw his finger move on the trigger.

Frightened by the gunshot and the scream the indignant birds in the area took to the sky.

"Jeez. I am going to kill that little girl," the man leaned down, blood soaking his back as he tried to reach for the knife that had embedded itself into his back as his friends circled around him. The gun fell from nerveless fingers. He spewed blood in a fountain from his mouth as he dropped dead face-first at their feet.

"Well, well, well. We got ourselves a live one. Come on, we need to go and start the party. He'd want us to catch them in his honor," one of the others said without a pause. He was over six feet tall and appeared emaciated he was so thin. One poof, and I suspected he'd fly far away.

"Why? We were just becoming acquainted. It would be rude to leave." I chided from the dark. Oh, any by the way, he missed." I laughed, darkly. I had to draw their attention away from the girls.

Jugurtha said, "You can barely speak a word to our dear little one in the cafeteria and now you're quite chatty with the enemy. You are making progress, grasshopper."

The new leader put the old one's gun in the waistband of his trousers. He thought to himself several naughty words I refuse to repeat, and that one gun shot could be overlooked with the thunder and lightening, but two in a row would be a problem. He'd have to wait and kill me by hand or with a knife. That one sticking out of his friend would do, he vowed, as he saw it shining. Or he could catch me; he fantasized, and make a real party of it. He reached down to touch the blade and screamed as his flesh started smoking.

I decided I needed to get on with the making him and them suffer a lot business. So I let out a growl at a volume that the humans could hear.

Jasper called out at vampire pitch. "We're almost there." Grace wanted to participate but realized I didn't want my dear little one to witness anything of a supernatural nature. Now that I actually wanted to, I couldn't put her to sleep, despite repeated attempts. Her necklace burned brightly in the night, the scars on her, too.

"Who the hell are you? We outnumber you. They're ours. Walk away kid, and thank your lucky stars you get to live." Their new leader hissed and nodded his head at two the men to capture me, gritting his teeth at the pain in his fighting hand.

I merely increased the volume of my growl. The others started toward me warily.

"Interesting word choice there. Hell." I laughed. I waited until clouds covered the moon and cloaked the area in night's dark gown before I pounced. It had been so long since I had hunted humans. Old feelings I really wanted to remain old feelings began to creep to light.

Starched Shirt Edward did not like how much I was enjoying myself. "Focus on our dear little one!" he advised.

Out of the pitch night, I ran through the center of the thugs reaching out with both hands and flung them like twigs, and retrieved her knife as I passed the dead leader by. The force sent the middle two crashing into the men next to them. I could hear them all slam against the trees and each other like bowling pins scattering. Since it was pitch black, I knew she couldn't see a thing. They would live but were now angry and hurt, particularly the new ringleader and the one he had slammed into who now had a moderate concussion. I didn't have time to kill them, and needed them alive for information. My siblings and Seth, however, were another matter entirely, in the having time department. Paula and the other wolves burst into the area the same time as my siblings.

I tried to make her sleep again. And nothing worked. Her medallion blazed. This was unacceptable. I pleaded to the Quileute spirits for aid. She stayed conscious, attending to Angela attempting to mask the anxiety on her face.

She shouldn't feel frightened any more than she already was. By her pale face, wide eyes, wheezing chest, and adrenaline in her blood, I could easily see she'd been terrorized as I approached at human speed huffing as if from exertion. Angela's loss of consciousness meant she was one less witness, albeit one with an alarmingly slow heart rate. My human stood over her friend's crumpled form, eyes wide, watching me. With a sinking heart, I half expected her to run screaming. With the light in this area I dismissed that she might possibly have seen my speed and strength. It was dark, and she had hit her head. Then she did the unexpected. She smiled.

Taking out an epi pen, I stabbed her in the arm. She jerked in reaction. I could smell the GHB by the scent of it in her blood.

Furious, I lifted Angela over one shoulder and snatched my girlfriend over the other, clasping her tightly to remind me she was alive.

For once, she didn't argue. Smart girl. Angela remained unconscious. Even smarter. I ran like a mortal boy away from the orchard.

I could sense the rattled mob, oblivious to the approach of my siblings, crawl to their feet to give chase. I turned to sprint as they hissed impotent threats at me to stop. That's when the birds on my girlfriend decided to have a say. The one on her back rose out of her screaming like a phoenix and headed straight for the cluster of men. It tore the right arm of the one closest to Seth from his body while slashing his belly wide open with the other claw. The other men screamed in fright, turned around and found themselves facing a beaming Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Mary Alice, and Charlotte. The pack moved from the sides to completely surround the men.

"We have so much talking to do. Thank you for that camera and backpack. I've always wanted one just like it. I can't wait to try it out," Mary Alice sang.

Rosalie snatched my dear little one's torn coat from the grasp of another and said, "You don't look like a winter. This color would be totally wrong for you. Besides, it isn't even your size."

Jasper drawled, "Gentlemen, we are going to have ourselves a nice long chat about your comportment with young ladies. I can't wait to hear what you have to say for yourselves."

Emmett found the duct tape and rope the men had on them and decided to put it to good use. My siblings tied them up so fast; the men didn't even have time to scream.

At vampire pitch, I told them I'd be back to help and asked Jasper if he would mind questioning them. FitzCadaver hovered within view of the subjugated mob. He put his bloody claws to his beak from time to time, keening in satisfaction. I made a mental note to myself not to anger my dear little one. Ever. Her friends were just as scary as mine. And why didn't FitzSinister and FitzLuck take flight like hers had? And why did hers wait til now to act? Clearly they were not functioning properly, aside from that whole rending flesh business.

"Now you have tattoo envy." Jugurtha sighed. "She's alive and relatively undamaged. You should thank your lucky starts that cell phone ploy worked with their now very dead leader."

Since I couldn't cope with speaking to my dear little one at the moment I was so angry; I reached out with my senses to track the other party of eight immortals at Discovery Bay that had disappeared from my and Grace's view. Irina's group crept into the clearing that held the vampire's scent from two sides. Atop a pile of ashes, they found a note that said in Oscan, "Problem solved - V."

Fuming, Irina stared around the area, concerned.

Kate said, "It must be the lost coven and they can mask their scent."

What they left unsaid, was that meant the lost coven could also mask their sound, both physical and mental.

Trying to calm her livid sister, Kate said, "We'll search the area and if we can't find them we had better get back to help the others."

I hadn't detected a thing, and wondered if the moment the men had disappeared from my mind had been due to a power surge of my design or someone else's. Scratching their heads, they examined the piles of ashes, eight of them. There were no traces that a fire had burned them. Just the ashes left in neat piles on the forest floor. The imminent thunderstorm would soon take care of that problem. I turned my regard back to my own situation.

I sprinted away holding both girls. We reached about 100 yards from the edge of the forest and I slowed, pretending to need the air.

"I think they drugged Angela. She complained her cider tasted salty." My human said in an awfully placid voice. The drug must have kicked in. I still held her over my shoulder not wanting to release her from my greedy clutches, knowing I had to get back to those beasts.

"Did you drink any?" I already knew the answer by the scent of her blood.

"A little. I threw mine away. It tasted strange." It was now interacting with her headache medication to make her tired, I guessed.

"How has she been behaving?" This talking business wasn't hard when I had a purpose to it. I pretended to labor a bit as if talking while running posed a challenge.

"Confused, aggressive, sleepy, and she's breathing funny." It seemed odd to have this conversation with her hanging over my back like a sack of wheat as she clutched my jacket. But odd lately had become my life. I quickly resumed my pace until we arrived at the outermost edge of the trees within sight of the festival that had ground to a halt as news of the bodies and sight of drugged attendees captured everyone's regard. No one knew the identity of the bodies as they did not have identification on them. And I had to run at an almost human pace in an attempt to ensure she believed in my illusion. I couldn't have her find out about Leah, Emily, or Jennifer just now.

Already knowing the answer by her scent, I gasped like a human as I slowed, "It sounds like GHB. She requires medical attention." Large trees hid us from the clearing where the festival played. My singer pressed against my back with her palms trying to push herself up and I snapped, "What are you doing?"

"Trying not to call any more attention to us. Put me down. I can walk." Oh. Smart girl.

"Wait one moment, please." She then confused me by standing on her tiptoes, reaching up and adjusting my shirt collar putting it underneath my coat. "Hold Angela by the waist in front of you for a moment."

My girlfriend ripped off her fleece pullover. When I had asked the Quileute spirits to have her strip, I had intended for her to stop at her coat. This hardly seemed fair. To my alarm, she went and tore the coat and cardigan sweater off of Angela, who slept regardless. Now she was stripping her friend as well? I had eyes only for her, although I really wished she'd stop shedding attire at that moment. She could take off all the clothes she wanted later, once I had assured myself that she hadn't damaged her brain and all with that fall.

Jugurtha said, "She's not stripping. Wait." He sounded disappointed so he must have been correct.

Why she picked a time like this to be fashion conscious was beyond me. I would never understand women of any species, I muttered darkly in my mind. She took Angela's coat and fed Miss Weber's arms in the sleeves, securing it about her once again. My singer put her friend's cardigan sweater on her own body inside out over her shirt. Then she put her own pullover back on and fastened it. Angela's cardigan was completely covered by her top.

Although I found it strange to see, I concentrated for a moment instead on the men. So far they were still lying on the ground moaning, except for the one attacked by the bird of prey who sat on his corpse. My siblings stood guard in the dark arranging their next step.

I felt a tug at my sleeve. "May I borrow you handkerchief?" I leaned Angela against one arm and handed the fabric to my girlfriend. She held it into a hollow on a waist high flat stone nearby that contained water. And then she scrubbed her face. Why she picked a moment like this to work on her hygiene was completely beyond me. She stuffed the now dirty handkerchief in the pocket of her pants, and turned her now clean face to me.

"Ready?" She held out her hand to mine. I could not figure out women for the life of me. They all acted odd. Even mine. We clasped hands as I entered the clearing acting as if it was perfectly normal for me to have a human draped across me like a shawl. They were the ultimate vampire accessory. I could snack and look fascinating at once.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Not funny. Practice a story for Miss Weber's family." Right. Good man. Occasionally.

The festival was chaotic. Several people, men and woman alike, had been drugged and the humans apparently had detected it. Since Eric had changed the punch so quickly less than a dozen people had become ill. My singer pointed toward Angela's frightened parents, and I quickly carried her over to her family. Reverend Weber panicked at the sight of his unconscious daughter. Mrs. Weber hushed the twins. I transferred Angela's limp form to Ben Cheney, who actually looked capable of murder. I should know. One of her brother's held the rose Ben had bought for his date.

"Reverend Weber, Angela and I were in the woods when she fell. She started acting funny and then fainted. Edward and I decided to get help," My dear little one sounded perfectly innocent. Then she blinked, darn her, sealing the image of a bewildered young girl. She did not lie, but she did not precisely tell the truth, either. Fortunately, the good Reverend Weber was too frightened to notice.

"Thank you Edward, Bella; we'll take her to the hospital. Did she say anything?"

Unseen by our audience, my hand stroked my singer's back coming to rest on the nape of her neck. She leaned against me, completely vulnerable, and said, "I remember her telling me her cider tasted funny, and 20 minutes later she started acting irrational. It scared us. Then she started saying Ben's name."

My girlfriend was good. She told the truth in such a way that she left out the most important parts and aided her friend in her romance and health. I had been prepared to slaughter everyone at the festival if she had opened her mouth. Or loudly insist that she had hit her head. Caressing her skin under her hair with my thumb, I had my hand on the nape of her neck as a safeguard, in case I had to knock her unconscious without using my sporadic at times gifts. My face remained composed as a little voice by the name of Starched Shirt Edward reminded me that perhaps I should appear concerned for Angela's welfare. Oh, Right.

"We'll take it from here. Thank you so much. God Bless you." I tried not to laugh at the irony.

Starched Shirt Edward insisted, "God would indeed bless us for our act of Christian charity as we were twice over the Good Samaritan."

Jugurtha Predator wanted to go back and play and congratulated himself for helping me run so fast using our instincts and staying silent in the process. I needed to figure out what to say to my girlfriend, I thought furiously, asking him for help in being sneaky. She couldn't learn my nature. It was dark. She was confused. And she most definitely couldn't learn about Seth, not that he'd stood within the range of her vision. Explaining, "Oh by the way, I'm immortal long to suck your blood and anything else my lips can touch. And your half brother explodes every now and then into non-stinking piles of monstrous drooling fur. Marry me. Pay no heed to that dead jerk hanging against the tree," might prove challenging.

Jugurtha whispered, "Don't say a word. Let her do the talking. Find out what she even knows." Oh, right. Clever one, he is. And I still had to yell at her for taking on those men. But it would be rude to make a scene in public.

She grabbed my hand, and tugged me toward one of her father's officers. I thought to myself this was not going to be good, but her heart rate hadn't changed from its current patter. She turned to Deputy Smith, tapped on his jacket sleeve, pointed and said, "I saw that man over by the punch bowl and he stayed there an awfully long time. I think you might want to check his pockets. He had friends with him. They were all wearing the same hats." The man was wearing the exact same bright blue hat as some of his friends in the woods. He hadn't been in on the plan; he had merely supplied the drug. And he liked the cool hat they had given him with all that money.

Like a dog on the scent, Deputy Smith thanked her and took off. He grabbed the man by the punchbowl, and asked him to empty his pockets. He arrested him immediately. Irate festival goers started recording the arrest on their cell phones. Taking her hand, I pulled us out of camera range and knew we needed to leave. Right now.

First, I had to ensure her health. "You have a bruise on your temple. Did you fall?" I asked infusing my voice with concern as we strode towards the trees.

"It's nothing and it barely hurts. They never touched me." I knew she had to be prevaricating. I'd seen that fall.

She'd just stabbed a human in the back and killed him. Should she be blubbering by now? She must be in some form of Swan shock.

She surprised me by putting her arms around my waist and whispering into my chest. "Thank you, Edward. Why don't we go somewhere nice and quiet and talk?"

She was a dangerous creature. It was a good thing I had her blade. And I decided she was absolutely right. We did indeed need to talk. I couldn't wait to get her alone. I had small bits of hope that I had bamboozled her. I'd done it before, after all. And I breathed on her a time or twenty for good measure.

Besides, there wasn't any glass worth worrying about in the Park, and fighting had aroused the beast within me. I'd practiced with the fruit. I'd earned a kiss or three.

Mentally laughing at the irony, I stayed silent as her hand tentatively reached out and took my foul one in her firm grasp. Leaving the festival, I casually walked into the woods with her, scanning the minds to make sure we weren't noticed in the chaos.

I suggested, "You might want to call your Father to let him know you are safe and well."

I handed her my cell phone, and kept ahold of her other hand. She did not seem to mind, as it was currently shaking. She released my hand to use the phone.

She didn't bother to speak to him. She simply sent him a text informing him that she'd be spending the weekend with us.

From his perch in the forest, my brother and siblings listened to our conversation.

Emmett called, "Uh Eddie, what are you doing." My siblings wanted me there for that mind reading ability of mine. I thought Jasper perfectly capable of handling it. They were only humans after all.

Mary Alice said, "Edward, be careful with her. She's never killed anyone before." Really? You don't say.

Rosalie said, "Keep her away from us. We'll handle this." She flung a body over the back of a wolf like a saddlebag.

Emmett said, "We'll need to go further into the woods to have privacy." Seth had told them about his sister as he stood in human form borrowing Emmett's coat.

Jasper kept a firm hand on Seth and eyed Sam who stood by the glaring John Quill and said, "We have this under control, Edward. I think you should go calm down."

At vampire pitch, I answered, "Fine."

The gang had been rounded up, trussed like poultry, and thrown over the backs of angry wolves who promised to make sure they had a bumpy ride. My family and friends moved the men through the dark to a quieter cozy spot in the Park near Mount Fitzhenry. They called Irina and Tanya to join in on the fun. I couldn't help but almost laugh as several of the men were beyond terrorized when my siblings easily hefted two or three at a time as they sped away from the festival.

The Denalis and the newborns were equally entertained with their group once they arrived. The wolves increased their bewilderment. But the gyrfalcon that sat atop the corpse, clutching his severed arm sealed the deal. Tanya approached the bird without a pause and regally said, "Thank you for protecting Edward's human. We need to dispose of the body. Do you mind?" The bird leapt into the air and landed on a tree branch. Then it vanished. Tanya thought to herself that I had acquired an interesting new weapon. She had no idea.

A tug on my sleeve pulled me back to the present as my singer's necklace flared again with the return of smug FitzCadaver. As soon as she handed me the phone, it vanished within my jacket. I snatched her into my arms taking time to simply hold her against me, thanking the stars she had lived to wheeze another day. I snarled, livid at life.

With her in my embrace, I sprinted away at just under vampire speed, careful to maintain the illusion of humanity. The pace did not seem to frighten her as her heart rate stayed the same. I tried to pay attention to running rather than her arms around my neck, her fingers against my skin, and the aroma of her scent. And I reminded myself to breathe. And not to lick her neck. Yet.

I listened to her heartbeat as it created a rhythm beating to the time of my feet that pounded the forest floor, scattering the leaves and ferns in my wake. We reached a favorite part of the park; the deep forest with the older trees, fifteen minutes later. I put her down, leaning her against the wide trunk of a moss drenched tree, my flattened palms on either side of her face and bellowed, "Isabella Marie Swan what were you thinking?" Panting, I glared at her. My siblings were out of hearing range, thank the Lord.

"In regards to what?" she scrunched her nose in that manner I adored. She wouldn't distract me tonight with that emotional carney's trick.

"With those men?"

"Oh, that?" she casually waved an arm as if to say, 'that's nothing' and rested her fingertips against my jacket. Drooling on me wasn't going to change my mood either; although, in a pinch, it might have helped.

"Yes, Bella, _that._" I couldn't keep the frustration from my withering tone.

"Honestly, I was thinking about strategies to ensure we got out of there alive." She actually managed to sound reasonable when she spewed that nonsense.

"With what did you spray them?"

Reaching into her pocket, she held out her canister, "Triple Action Mace, police issue."

Reading the bottle I discerned with a sniff it was a combination of pepper spray, tear gas and it marked anyone sprayed with a UV coating.

"My Dad gave it to me last week."

He might have been an utter idiot, but sometimes he surprised me. Perhaps Genevieve controlled him, too, when he frustrated her. I mentally grinned, thinking of that harridan bouncing him against the floor a time or two to make a point about his peerless save Renee poor parenting. My far too calm to be normal girlfriend wheezed again, distracting me from my foolish fantasies to the cold reality I faced.

"Ah, so you intend to return to stalk them?" I couldn't help but infuse my tone with venom.

"No. But I could send my Dad after them. He's a good shot."

"Against that many men?" I arched a brow. Forget her Father. I'd dance around the forest in glee if he took a bullet that evening. But with the way my luck worked, he'd most likely outlive me. "You took a huge risk there."

"I didn't have a choice." She did not seem to understand me. I lowered my face to the level of her own, mere millimeters from her eyes.

"You took a foolish chance with your life." I enunciated each word slowly to ensure she understood my justified wrath.

"Not really. I knew you would come Mr. Cold One. Can we go home before it rains?" She spoke in the ceremonial speech of the tribe. Her accent needed work, but she sounded almost fluent.

"I beg your pardon?" I replied in English.

What_ was_ it with these Swan women and their ability to scare the fear of God into me? _I _was the possibly soul-less demon. It definitely should be the _other _way around on the horrifying business. I huffed in umbrage at the unfairness of the universe in terms of terror. I arched a brow, adopting an amused mask.

In English, she continued, "Edward, I've known since the moment I saw you that you aren't quite human. I'm glad I can finally tell you. It must have been a huge risk for you to help me tonight. And I'm grateful you did. Angela won't remember anything. And I won't tell."

I stood staring at her as if she concurrently chanted in Cantonese and Greek while doing the cha-cha. Or was it the foxtrot? I canted my head to one side. For once, she caught me speechless. Fine, it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time that really mattered. Aside from that Tyler episode.

"Why would you say something like that?" my acting took over.

"I knew from the second I saw you who you were." Her face possessed certainty that clutched at my stomach with cruel claws. This cannot be happening to me.

I scoffed, tilting her head to the side with my finger tips to explore her injury, "Bella, you're bruising at your temple. And in this town it's hard to hide being a Cullen, so of course you knew who I was the second you saw me. How many fingers am I holding?" I extended three and waved them before her, acting concerned. Well I was.

"Three. That's not what I meant, and you know it."

Over eighty years of peerless acting came in handy at that precise moment.

Using a mild tone, I soothed, "I'm afraid you're not making sense, Bella. We should get you to a hospital."

"I grew up hearing the Quileute's legends. One of their elders insisted that I learn their language. He taught me in secret. I know they hate your family, although their reasons are wrong."

Deciding to humor her for a moment I acidly replied, "And you aren't frightened by the rancor?"

"Why should I be? After reading Ephraim Black's journal, I know that I have no reason to fear you. I've known about you since I was seven."

There she went again, shocking me from speechless, to witless, for good measure.

"Ephraim kept a journal?" My voice cracked.

"Yes, I recognized you from the drawing."

"What drawing?" We were careful not to have our pictures taken. And I'd never seen Ephraim sketch so much as a straight line.

"The ones he made in his journal of you and your family."

I felt the hands of death clamping around my throat. In a strangled whisper, I said, "How is it that you know about this journal and the rest of the Quileutes don't?"

"The man who gave it to me made me promise. He said they would not understand or believe, but I would."

Wasn't there an upper limit on shock inflicted upon me by the Swan O'Shea clan? Or were Genevieve and Liam using up all their ammunition in one fell swoop?

I shut my eyes, knowing I had failed to protect her innocence. Not that kind of innocence. But still.

She tugged on my sleeve to bring me back to reality as my eyes opened to look upon her calm face.

"Then you should know I'm positively lethal." I rumbled, narrowing my eyes at her. I kept my face millimeters from her own as her scent bathed me, attempting to soothe my spirit. Venom should have exploded into my mouth given all the recent bloodshed, yet I was not hungry. By golly, Eve's food must have worked.

"So, what was your Great-Uncle really doing?"

"I told you everything I know about his work."

"You neglected to mention the presence of others that guarded the cave."

"What?" She sounded genuinely alarmed. "He had guards? That can't be so, because I would have to pay them since I run the household accounts."

"They are not human, Bella." She blanched.

"Oh. I see. What are they guarding?"

"The cave, it seems. And your Grandmother has been sending us messages for weeks. Surely you know. Why didn't you speak up sooner?"

Now she actually appeared disconcerted for a moment, "Edward, I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't recall anything except for the usual nightmares. I've told you about all the ones that were strange."

"Why was Liam armed to the teeth?" I changed tracks.

"He never told me."

"How did he get a vampire blade?"

"A what?"

"The knife he gave you. It's special." I took it out and handed it to her.

"Well, it looked that way by the design. Beyond that, it's just a knife." She shrugged as only a woman could, dismissing something so precious to a man. She tucked it back into the scabbard she'd strapped to the small of her back.

"It's a very special knife that would aid you if you were attacked by my kind."

"Oh. Well. Aside from Ephraim's journal, no one ever told me anything about your kind."

"Then why are you wearing it at school? Plan on taking out Lauren Mallory? Or Jessica Stanley?"

"I don't know. I just felt safer with it on. It's so strange. I know I'm breaking the rules and would get suspended. But it made me feel better."

"Liam never told you? Or Genevieve? About immortals?" I recalled the Other Immortals mentioning that Liam had insisted that my girlfriend by kept supernaturally innocent.

"They never said a word."

"So you knew about us since you were seven and you didn't tell them?"

"I promised the old man I wouldn't. And I feared if I did, they would think I was crazy like my Mother."

"Who was this tribal elder who gave you the book?"

"A cousin to Mr. Quill. He died three years ago."

Shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I stepped away, and curled my lip at her.

Gently, she reached out and put her hand on my shoulder, and did the most astonishing thing. My utterly mortal girlfriend, who was the fairest smelling of them all, stepped forward and pressed her cheek against my chest.

In a clear voice, she said, "If you wanted me dead you could have killed me hundreds of times by now. I saw you struggle with your appetite on the day you took me home from the hospital. I trust in your control."

Greedy arms automatically wrapped her in an embrace. My hands shook as one cradled her head.

"How did you?" I couldn't even articulate basic sentences now.

"I can smell blood. I may not have seen you drink it on that day, but I sure smelled it. Why do you think I looked away for so long in the living room and agreed to take a second shower? I was trying to give you privacy. Besides, it's hard to pretend when your eyes glow green in the dark."

"They what?" My voice actually cracked like an adolescent. She hadn't seen that. She couldn't have. I was too careful.

"When I stayed at your house the night you were upset, don't you remember?"

I did not think it possible to become even more uncomfortable, as I recalled crying in her arms, "I recall the night, yes." I said through stiff lips.

"When you were sad," she traced a pattern into my sweater with her fingernail. I felt like my chest was on fire every place she touched, "you glowed bright green and your eyes had flames in them....the light is what woke me. That, and it was like I could hear you in my sleep."

"And you pretended like you didn't see it?"

"I figured if you didn't say anything about it, I shouldn't. You were understandably upset considering it was the anniversary of your death and your parents'. I didn't want to make you feel more self-conscious. Besides, it wasn't important."

She knew how I _was turned_? Oh my sweet Lord, she never once gave any indication.

And I'd never told Ephraim anything beyond my full name.

"How did you know I died with my Parents?"

"I learned your full name from the journal and found the certificate of your death. Interlibrary loan. You can learn all sorts of things that way. I can't imagine what it felt like to lose them like that and wake up, well...like you."

This woman went leagues beyond Genevieve like scary. No, stop that. She made Genevieve look like a rank amateur in the concept of fright. I was most _definitely_ going to have to marry her now. She had a mind I truly admired, I thought in awe, before a memory slammed into me reminding me of a point.

"You knew what I was, and you touched my mouth and held me in your arms and slept with me regardless? And you touched my _lips_ this afternoon!" I actually raised my voice to her in a roar, sending the birds, beavers, foxes, and crickets within a mile shrieking in terror.

I frightened, I'm ashamed to say, only the wildlife. In hindsight, I must admit, it was ungentlemanly of me. The birds at least, and Douglas, of course, appreciate my regret. My singer stared at me impassively, like I was a small child, and she was waiting for my tantrum to end. With patience.

"I bet you say that to _all the human girls_, you charmer you. They're glowing right now - your eyes. Quite a lovely shade of green fire." She sounded so calm and composed. "And 'yes' to all your bellowed questions. I knew something was going on with your heart, and I waited for you to tell me."

"My what?"

"The man told me to watch for the one with the heart problem and give the journal to him. You were the only one in your family that was sick. And it didn't take a genius to figure it was your heart since you clutched it every morning and looked devastated. And I couldn't bear to see it. I didn't know what else to do since I didn't want to pry." She looked so sad as she stroked my cheek.

Starched Shirt Me howled, "No one speaks to our dear little one in that disrespectful tone of voice and volume! You will wound her tender feelings!" He actually physically slammed me across the back of my head with enough force to smart. With a King James edition of the Bible.

Jugurtha said, "Stop using sacred books for assault purposes. You'll have to pray to the Virgin for that offense." He turned back to me and said, "And I'll join him if you don't adjust your attitude, and recall the manners that you were raised with by our vampire Mother. We decided not to drink her. We all voted. That means we have to be nice, since we plan on marrying her. And you need to apologize to her already." He grumbled, "Again."

I shut my eyes, panting. She should be running screaming like a banshee in the other direction. Yet here she stood. Blinking at me. Wheezing in peace. Although I saw her hands tremble a bit when she thought I wasn't looking. And that made the beast in me roar to life. I needed information from her. And I swear on my mortal Mother's soul, her neck stumbled of its own accord into contact with my mouth.

Fireflies exploded at the contact, as my system lit up on almost every level. She never complained, so I did not feel the urge to halt. My lips moved ever so carefully tracing a path up the side of her neck, across her unwounded temple and stopped at her forehead. I was too angry to kiss her right now on the lips, properly. But oh, how I longed to claim her. I could smell her heartbeat accelerate, giving lie to the serene façade she played. Her fingers remained in place on the side of my face shaking as I moved around her, caressing her with my closed lips. And I most definitely breathed on her every chance I got. Her other hand rested on my hip, and pulled me closer.

The blood, as it pooled in her skin, struck my senses. While I appreciated the scent, Eve's concoction dulled the hunger that ordinarily would have roared to life. The memory of what had caused that bruising made me to gulp back a mouthful of venom. And growl. Belatedly, I realized that growling business would not help in the getting her to talk part. Although the lips on her skin felt fantastic and merited further trials. Lots more.

So I did it again, this time concentrating on the other side of her neck. The feel of her flesh against my lips felt like trails of sparks shot from her. It created this vibration within me that entranced us both.

Jugurtha said, "We do not have the discipline to taste her now. Ask her more questions. And the lip action was definitely worth repeating. I vote 'yes.'"

We turned to get a vote from Starched Shirt Edward. He lay dazed slumped against the wall, a dreamy smile on his face. "We need to propose so we can do this eternally. Would tonight be too soon to get our human mother's ring?" Speaking of human, I mentally returned to mine.

My head was still lingering in the side of her neck that she'd turned towards me, completely vulnerable. "Is that the only time I glowed?"

It concerned me that I had glowed light, and had not been aware of it. There would be witnesses. Human witnesses. Like Angela Weber. Besides, I couldn't discuss my heartbeat at the moment. It hurt too much to contemplate.

"In the woods a little while ago, I saw your eyes shining behind the men, but I don't think they did." She furrowed her brow as she concentrated, "They were the only part of you that I could see. And I wouldn't have let you near the Webers if you had still been glowing."

That furrowing business made her wince due to that bruising on her temple. I kept seeing her stumble in my mind and hearing her head smack against the trunk of the tree. And that fueled my temper soaring into the skies. FitzWhateverthehellI'd named them smirked at me from her body, daring me to hide her behind any bushel.

"So all this time you've been pretending you don't see the marks?" She astounded me.

"What marks?" She seemed sincerely puzzled staring at me. "I don't see any marks on you. Are you ok?"

"What do you see?" I held up my palm with FitzLuck facing her.

"Your palm." She placed hers against my own.

"You don't see any purple light? Anywhere?"

She spoke slowly as if each word hurt. "Edward, I see only you. And occasionally you glow green. But that doesn't frighten me. And it doesn't change who you are."

"You shouldn't be around me," I spat in one last attempt at virtue.

She kept stroking my face as if it would tame me. Her touch felt so good, I closed my eyes and inhaled. I couldn't bring myself to pull away, despite the fact I was seething. Shaking, too.

I hated the universe in that moment as my fingers flexed against her warm palm. Truly hated it. And I wondered what kind of evil I had wrought in a past life that it would put me in such a present bind. Every instinct in me screamed that we couldn't lose her. Paperwork be damned. She was ours. We were not giving her up. To anyone. The Vancouver Coven could pound sand. The Volturi, too.

I told Starched Shirt Me to stuff a sock in it so I could pay attention. He was singing, _Ave Maria _the Schubert version, of course, practicing for our wedding. I focused my mind on the back of her hand as she grazed my cheek gently. This face touching business was definitely something I wanted to practice. At length.

"I don't care _what_ you are Edward. You matter. You could be slimy with tentacles and cross-eyed, and I'd still want to be around you, even when your eyes turn black, and I sometimes want to smack you. Ephraim wrote you don't hunt people - just animals."

"And knowing all that you're eager to be alone with me? You're either the bravest woman I know or the most foolish. I can't decide." I hissed, eyes wide shut.

She snorted. "Watch it, buster. You're just sore I was handling myself just fine when you decided to make an appearance, Mr. Tardy Come Lately."

I gawped at her audacity. She fake punched me in the shoulder, but stumbled on her feet. Her eyes were getting heavy. I could smell that she had ingested a bit of the drug but the epi was fighting off its effects. But the drug was now in the lead, by the smell of her.

I had never had a woman try to strike me; well not a real one. Rosalie doesn't count in our few wrestling matches when she was overcome with newborn blood lust.

"And besides, I had to protect you."

"How could you possibly protect me? I'm immortal." I spat, exasperated.

"I didn't know_ that_. Ephraim did say you could be killed. He didn't say how. Why do you think I was so upset after the truck accident? I thought I'd almost killed a family of immortals beloved by the tribe's forefathers. It was horrible," her eyes grew misty.

"I'm sorry about that. But again, I would like to know how precisely you helped me tonight?"

"Aside from killing the man who tried to shoot you? And you're welcome, by the way. I had to get you out of the festival before the men standing around you realized you had deer blood on your shoulder and collar. Why do you think I grabbed Angela's cardigan? Some blood from your shirt transferred to her sweater."

"How did you know it was deer blood?"

"I've been out with Harry during hunting season Mr. break-the-rules. I know what deer blood smells like, and I can always smell blood anyway, for that matter. I don't know why but I can. I didn't think the men around us would bother to ask too many questions if they saw it, though."

"You don't have any questions?"

"I'm not going to make you uncomfortable by asking. Somehow, it feels rude. If you want to tell me something you will. I trust you."

"You really shouldn't." Once again, with mordant wit, this whole honestly thing did take a load off my chest, I thought, in catharsis. I should try it out every eight decades or so.

"You really should learn to have faith in humans Edward. We aren't all alike and we just might surprise you. Ephraim wrote highly of you and your family. The fact that you are different is not important."

"Ah, but I beg to differ. It makes us what we are." I hated to tell her the truth again.

"What we are is a man named Edward and a woman named Bella. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else matters." I could not believe this woman that Fate, merciless Fate, had flung at me.

How I wished her words were true.

"Edward, I've known for years and I haven't said a word. And I won't ever tell another soul. I would never do that to you."

"And you aren't frightened knowing I'm a soulless monster?" I was not ready to throw in the towel, but I decided to play along.

She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder gently and said, "I was the first time I saw you and you looked at me like I was an entrée. Then I realized if you wanted me dead, you could have killed me hundreds of times, and got over my bias. And for the record, you are not a soulless monster."

"Excuse me?" I seemed to be repeating that often. It made me sound hard of hearing, foolish, or worse, both.

I had my eyes shut against her forehead breathing hard. I was shaking with tension.

"I wish you could read my mind like you do everyone else's to see my words are the truth."

Reflexively, my eyes snapped open to see her expression. She dared to smirk.

"I guessed that one on my own."

"How?"

"I overheard Mike Newton tell Tyler Crowley that he was thinking about asking me out the very second you broke his legs. I feel horrible thanking you for defending me against his legendary Bud Lite seduction. Especially since there was no way on God's green earth I would have accepted."

"He knows I did that?" And it was good to know she had exceptional taste in refusing Newton and preferring my company. This definitely showed potential.

"No, of course not. I do. No one else has any idea."

"How did you know?"

"I didn't until you admitted it just now. Ephraim's journal hinted that one of you could read minds. It didn't say which one." She donned an expression on her face; the one she wore after beating me in chess, the one that made it difficult for me to concentrate.

"There's a saying about curiosity.... And where is his journal?"

"I'm not a cat person, so it's a good thing it doesn't apply to me. Besides, with my luck, Fate will kill me anyway in a completely random event like a short circuited toaster when I grab a bagel. The journal is in a safe deposit box at the bank."

"Don't joke about Fate, she can be awfully cruel. I'm living proof."

"I'm not joking. I know. I've felt her hands a time or two. And I happen to think that Fate smiled on you the day she brought you into my life. I know the world is a better place; my world is a better place, with you in it. I can't even imagine it otherwise." She stumbled over the last line, flushing.

"You're awfully naïve, little girl." Her shaking had grown.

"No, I'm awfully chilly." I gawped as she stepped closer into the shelter of my shoulders, and parted the snaps on my jacket. She said, "Do me a favor and cover me with your coat until I warm up, I'm freezing."

I should have realized that earlier, I chastised myself. Without a pause, I complied and decided she was definitely going to be the recipient of another new coat, this one approved by me. The U.S. military had ones specially made for the Arctic. I'd order her two. She burrowed into my chest completely enveloped by my coat as her hands wrapped around my back.

"You know, I could just as easily put you in the car." It wasn't a long run to where I had left it.

She had her eyes closed and this expression of bliss as she smiled. "But the batteries under your sweater and in the lining of your coat are just as effective. Besides, you smell far better up close and in person than your car heater does. I call that a two for one win."

Again, I gaped at her. I think she just took my queen. Sneaky singer.

"So Bella."

"So Edward."

"You definitely are full of surprises. It's going to pour in a few minutes." I lifted her up, holding her hips just like that day weeks ago in the icy parking lot. This time, I didn't need to persuade her to wrap her legs around my waist. I stayed stone still as she hooked her little hands around my neck. I zipped up my coat. My fingers wrapped around her legs, ensuring they were in place. The sky opened up again.

"Can we do this again? I love the feel of the wind on my face." She sounded excited as the rain started in earnest.

Most definitely little algae lover, most definitely. Your wish was my desire. I had my eyes shut, trying to think.

She leaned forward and whispered as the rain poured on us both. I stilled when I felt her lips touch my ear, "Are you going to prove to me that you have an open mind and not be bigoted against me for my mortal status?"

"Is there anything else you'd like to add while you're driving me mad?"

"Just one thing." She said with a blank expression.

"And that would be?"

"Gotcha."

* * *

**There is a thread for this story on twilight ed (dot) net on the AU forum where I post teasers and occasionally explain my twisted story. Please feel free to stop by. **

**In 1942, the U.S. Government confined 110,000 people (many were American citizens) of Japanese ancestry in military style camps across the United States. You can learn more about it on my profile. **

**There's a great book on the subject called Farewell to Manzanar.**

**GHB is a very real drug. Frightening, too. To learn more and arm yourself with knowledge, please check out projectghb(dot)org's web site.  
**

**For more on philematology - the study of kissing, CNN has a highly entertaining article. Might help with the love life, too. :) I have posted the link on my profile.  
**

**Characterization comment:**

**Bella has been trained since she was a wee child by her Uncle Liam how to behave in crises situations - although he never told her why. This does not mean that she's not scared, or frightened or is going to walk away from that night as if nothing ever happened. I wanted to give a nod to canon to show that she can be unusually calm even in the worst circumstances. **

**Keep in mind that during her conversation with Edward, that she's coming across in the way that she does because she's drugged, and shock is starting to kick in as well - which is also why she was so talkative. I know many of you all were expecting some major lip action in this chapter. I did not go there for what I feel is a very good reason. First, Edward was enraged enough to explode trees, and landscape all across the Park. Him even putting his face near her neck in the mood he was in, was a sign that he was teetering on the edge of control. He did comment several times that he thought he had lost his mind - and his behavior in part is reflecting that. Ordinary not quite rational deluded CC Edward would never have pawed his dear little one in such a coarse manner after she'd been terrorized by stinky boorish mortal serial killers. Second, and to me just as important, Bella in that scene was trying to show him that she trusted him (which is why she bared her neck to him), and seek comfort. She was also, oddly enough, trying to comfort him. Given the circumstances of the chapter, it did not make sense to me to have the characters do anything beyond what they did. There will be lip action coming up. Swear.** **But I had to put myself in her shoes. If I had been through that ordeal, I might want a hug, maybe a kiss, but I'd just want to be held. And while you wait for me to post the next chapter, you might be entertained by reading ones like HOD 2, HOD3-5, and most especially, the ending of HOD part 10. If I did my job right, this arc should take on different meaning, too.  
**

**Snarky Summary:**

**I know. I'm evil. *blinks* And I love surprising you. How'd I do? **

**Soooo Bella, stalked through the forest by a mob, showed in a rather pointed manner that no one messes with her Real Boyfriend without her express permission. And she has an ill-tempered minion that bites people's heads off. Literally. And better jewelry than all of us. Better, aim, too. Edward had better learn how to pucker up fast. **

**I don't want that woman mad at me. I don't know about you. *clears throat* *looks around* Raised by Genevieve and Liam? Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. Edward better watch his step. **

**Edward kinda sorta went all caveWolfVamp on us. Angela and Ben were helped in their romance by Bella. And the Eight immortals that landed at Discovery Bay only stayed around long enough to become piles of ashes with a lyrical lengthy love note left with hugs and kisses by the Vancouver coven. Those bastards aren't sharing their intelligence. We have no idea why those eight immortals showed up that night, or where they were from, you know, the little things. When Sam saw Emily in the moonlight, he managed with the swipe of a paw to destroy his life, and that of his extended family. We also saw the dynamics of the pack change as John Quill appears to be the new alpha. For some. In the middle of an immortal hissy fit, Bella and Edward give new meaning to the term necking. **

**Edward learned the Volturi plan on making a house call, and that they had just destroyed an entire coven for doing what he's kinda sorta doing with his girlfriend. Good thing neither one of them has a scent. Too bad Edward's scent – traces of it -- is all over the house. Even worse, is Carlisle's caution that blood relatives, if they are old enough, can detect mortal kinship through smell. Cousin Jane and Alec will be visiting. Tomorrow. And Carlisle neglected to tell our Italian guests that they are kinda sorta related the last time they saw one another. And about Edward, too. Their other relative.**

**Bella is blinking up at you and asking you to review. She might talk more if you do. Dream Edward is gazing at her in adoration because she's totally hot. Starched Shirt Edward has fainted from excitement. Please pray for his…..soul. Jugurtha is all kinds of excited about the next chapter. Please review. It amuses me so. And I answer every one.  
**


	41. HOD pt 30 Btwn a Rock and a Hard Place

**Your reviews for the last chapter left my jaw scraping the floor. I'm wiping away venom tears here, people. Three pillows on a silver platter from the Isle of Esme for you. And you. And you. Many, many, thanks. So because you overwhelmed me with your feedback, you are getting an extra long chapter. **

**To my muses: SueBob, SiouxperNaturalCharmedVampire, prettyflour, mizra, .Yami.16, austexfan, Matahari, Amortentia_4u, Viridis73, solenoidbelle, LJ Summers, CindyWindy, TwilightMomofTwo, ForestSentryKoneji, Codelina, Angelbach, ldybnny, squarepancake, jaijaimays, PurpleMadDragon, Mutt N. Feathers, luv4edwardcullen, Pamela J. Austin, RedneckAngel, Miss Poison, Gwen69, CullenHistorian, pomme_de_terre, blackjacklily, Robs_Muse, redsoxlove, Cullen Concession, Fitten, Brunette Devil, Nyaris, oncebitten, forthelove, khadijadaw, kaydence, BellaS, AliciaZA, silly sad sarah twilighted, sariedee, Sheeijan, RedSole, Sexysadie13, notmyself, tears, crackupmonkey, chloe9, June, Amberdale, twifam1, sweetswirlypop, rogue, dellatwi, Merrisol, nofangsallowed, pclo, fanficreader83, MsLessa, tazz, Gangsta T, JaJiTaXx, elphabacy35, mav, nosh, Rgwnmks, ksangi, blue2185, and Cullen Pearl, many thanks for all your amazing support. It means the world.  
**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

*****I said it last chapter and the one before. It bears repeating, this section of the story will earn its NC-17 rating.******

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta. **

**And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills.**

**Snarky Summary:**

**Bella, Angela, Emily, Jennifer, and Leah endured harrowing and deadly confrontations with a gang of murderers in the orchard last chapter. Edward, his family, the newborns, and the wolves came to the rescue. According to the handbook of the World Chess Federation, the title of 'Grandmaster' is awarded to an international player of exceptional skill. Edward had a new endearment for Bella: my little Grandmaster. She's earned it, you see. **

**So when we last left our heroes, Bella kinda sorta gave Edward a few things to put in his thinking cap. Ok. Fine. A lot of things. Like eleven doozies, each one packing the punch of a teensy thermonuclear blast. She made him her bitch. But he asked for it, the rat bastard, dismissing her as a stupid human girl. The surviving serial murderers are in the not so tender clutches of Edward's family, the newborns, and the really have a claw to pick with them wolves - if they can get a howl in edgewise - as Rosalie, Jasper, and Irina are awfully wrathful at present. Seth is under alpha order to not rip off Sam Uley's . . . snout. John Quill appears to be the new leader of the pack. Leah is in the Port Angeles hospital, her parents keeping vigil in the waiting room. Thanks to a story planted by Tanya, news of a wolf attack has the locals armed and clueless, and taking to the forest to hunt down anything that so much as twitches with shotguns and torches. A Swiss Knife, too. **

**Aro called Carlisle to fret about having to destroy the coven in Cincinnati for carnally consorting in all the wrong ways with a, "I know what you are" human. Oh, and he wanted Carlisle to know he was sending Jane and Alec, who are in the midst of their terrorizing tour, to see him. Soon. Carlisle has decided to save the family's immortal ashes and that Bella is going to have to be turned. Alas, he does not know about that little glitch in the paperwork alleged by Eve, that if Bella gets turned, the Cullens get flambéed. Speaking of fireworks, Edward went ka-booming all over the Olympic National Forest and Park with his bad self leaving a trail of gravel, sawdust, crushed like an empty beer can on Superbowl Sunday human bodies, and of course, earth shaking results. Diva. **

**As our story begins, after having had his ashes handed to him, rhetorically speaking, by his back-stabbing, secret-keeping Really Real girlfriend, he realizes that they have to return to reality – not that he would know what that was if it bit him on his 'don't mean to brag, but he has a bigger' …toe. Edward has to ensure her safety. After all, she is the most precious thing in his world. Sniff. Sniff.**

**Things you need to know for this chapter from earlier ones are that Hezekiah warned Edward that in order to be able to keep the use of the Quileute powers, the spirits would test him a time or nine by asking him to make a sacrifice. So far, Edward has told the spirits that he is willing to take on Bella's pain in exchange for her suffering less, or other paltry requests he makes (being able to run faster to save her). The Cullens have been experimenting with the algae they collected from Liam's slime pit of hell and no matter what rain dance or scientific doo-hickies they try, they can't get it to reproduce. They've tried Barry White, Marvin Gaye, Nine Inch Nails, and as a last resort…Barry Manilow. *oh the shame* Tom Jones, too. They are in desperate need of agricultural Viagra. Or Cialis. 'Cause nothing puts those frigid little dinoflagellates in the mood to do the proverbial photosynthesis or even throw a pair of panties. Or a thong. Nada. **

**Oh, Eve, one of the Other Immortals (Edward nicknamed the rest after the Seven Dwarves) gave Edward a shot of the sludge prior to his evening with his lady fair, telling him that it would help with the bloodlust. She should know. How Liam stayed respiring for forty years as obnoxious as he was is a testament to her patience, or bad taste in men, take your pick, so snipes Main Edward. Or the fact that perhaps Liam was mute. Speaking of neurotics….**

**Edward has long feared (because he does not remember what love feels like), that his family, if pressed, would abandon him and ask him to leave. He has been making increased requests of their time and resources, and this has been building up his stress level. Edward has been mostly silent for the past seven decades or so. At first in the HOD arc, he'd speak when he had to, after rehearsing every word. He hated it, but he would do it. Speaking has become more difficult for him lately because it appears that he actually **_**cares**_** what Bella (and his family) thinks, and isn't just reciting words so the human girl will leave him to sulk in peace. When she looks at him and bats her lovely long eyelashes, he turns all gooey-eyed and forgets whatever the heck it was he intended on saying, which is just so unfair. Bella recently had a scare involving her heart, soul-scarring, too, so everyone has been watching her like a hawk to see if she has any negative constitutional effects. And finally, a few chapters ago Edward, when smacked upside the head with a pillow by Bella in their bedroom, swore to her that she had earned herself a "gotcha" as in when you least expect it, expect it. And so we begin, in the pouring rain, after flooring him repeatedly with her astute observations, Bella has just looked Edward in the eyes and (totally pwnd him) said, "Gotcha"…**

**The score so far? Bella 14, Edward 0**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Thirty – Between a Rock and a Hard Place. Not _That_ Kind of Hard Place. Maybe  
**

I snorted at the ludicrous turn my life had taken with dreadful words blithely tripping from her pearly ivory teeth. It required considerable will-power not to screak at the sky in frustration. My poor battered bottle cap simply did not comprehend what she had done, and was in no state to have it explained to her. She'd been drugged with GHB, and most definitely had lost that delightful inhibition against speaking and remaining numinous.

Even worse, I found myself incapable of stringing elementary words together – a burgeoning ailment around her lately. Time, precious time, was a luxury denied me. Considering she was armed and dangerous with knowledge while drugged, in shock, and positively chatty, I could not take her near my siblings.

Seth was not in any emotional condition to transform and take her home. Cruel as it may be, considering the tragedy in the Clearwater family, and the shocks my girlfriend herself had experienced not long ago, I thought it best, given her heart ailment, to wait on telling her about Leah, Jennifer, and Emily. It might have sounded mercenary, but after seeing how those poor girls had died, there was no way I'd ever leave her around a wolf unescorted. Not a young one. I remembered all too well the chewed and shredded bodies of the Quill family all those years ago.

Leah was in surgery and there was nothing my dear little one could do to help her. Jennifer and Emily would still be dead tomorrow and the day after, as hateful as that sounded. I had to put my dear little one's needs first. Without a word, I took off running. I only made it fifty feet before I stopped in my tracks, and heard her say, "oof" as her body smashed against my chest, and her arms tightened around my neck.

"Edward?" she snapped her fingers in front of my face and giggled. "You've gone all glassy-eyed like Alice does." She did not just notice my sister's visions. I was officially filing a protest with the forces of Fate. They had given me a heroine who was entirely too perspicacious for my and her own mythological welfare. Why couldn't I have a simpleminded singer?

She peered at me and tittered, "_Erythronium oregonum__."_

Marvelous. Now she was chanting in Latin.

"Jessica Stanley would have died in less than two seconds, and we most likely would have developed indigestion from drinking her." Jugurtha flipped through my schedule, "We prefer our dear little Grandmaster because she's smart and keeps us guessing. And if life were a game of chess, she just totally routed us, to boot. Currently, she's pointing to a flower at your feet, and calling it by its appropriate name in Latin. Its English name is the trout lily. I suggest you give it to her now."

Ever the gentleman, I reached down and plucked one. She snatched it from my hand, sniffing at it. Which did not work so well for her. Then, she stuffed it in her shirt.

I started moving before she pointed to a large piece of shrubbery and tried to compact that in her top as well.

"Don't tell me you knew this all along?" I pleaded with my predator. She couldn't have emasculated us all.

"The fact that I did _not _should tell you something about her ability to protect herself. And if she is this good of a thinker when she's drugged, think of what she's really like when she has her full faculties."

He said that in a reverential tone as she stared at the flower petals. My singer had become the predatorial Virgin Mary. Now he'd start sacrificing squirrels and eagles to the altar of her beauty by the light of the new moon. I'd better warn Douglas. And Starched Shirt Edward would have histrionics at the pagan rite.

Speaking of histrionics, I turned to Jugurtha and pointed an accusing finger at him, "You're supposed to be the one lusting after her blood all the time, and here you are all placid."

"I don't need to act agitated, as you've taken over that job for me quite stupendously, might I add. Next time can we lick her neck? Just one teensy flick with the tongue at vampire speed? The algae worked at controlling our blood lust. Think of what that means for our budding relationship. We can one day practice safe kissing. Maybe more." He resembled a child I'd observed in the human food story entreating his irritated parent for a candy, all the while knowing the answer would be, 'no'.

"There will be no more talk of tonguing our dear virginal one before marriage!" Starched Shirt Edward had recovered his composure and walked up to me and pushed me in the shoulder. He pointed his index finger at my clavicle accusingly, tapping with each word, "Algae or not, you took advantage of that sweet girl." He positively reeked of hellfire and brimstone. Hypocrisy, too.

Wait. What?

"Excuse me? She just unloaded nine, or was it ten, huge secrets on us. I think _she_ is the one who has taken advantage of us. We have been seduced. I feel so….used. And foolish. I clearly am abysmal at being an immortal, sneaky or otherwise. And we just saved her from an assemblage of serial killers."

He stared at me as if I were as penitent as a newly debauched nun. Which I kind of sort of was. Not repentant. I most definitely was not a nun. Fine. I was a virgin, but I had a really good excuse. And now, with that whole shattering glass talent combined with fists of fury, an even better one.

Muttering to himself, Starched Shirt Edward gazed up at the sky, and ticked off individual points on his fingers before answering, "Eleven secrets, by my count. She's drugged. And our dear Queen has just had those evil bastards we need to punish chasing her and her human friend Angela through the orchard, nipping at her heels like Satan's servants. Without permission, they took photographs of her frightened face. She fell, twice, and hit her fragile head. And you had her pinned against a tree and sniffed her neck and rubbed your lips on her? Animal!" He paused to shake his fist. "She deserves respect. And she should at _least_ be able to remember our first kiss, you know." That seemed to trouble him every bit as much as the animal, part of his tirade. His words stung.

"For the record, you totally enjoyed that, we did not kiss, so stop being a hypocrite," was the only defense I could construct, as remorse knocked at the door of my dormant conscience.

Starched Shirt Edward preached, "And _we_ are a serial killer, too. You can stop committing the sin, but it doesn't take away the fact that sin you did. A lot. For three long years."

"I am not….well I was…..But I. . .drat." I stomped off towards the cave. I turned on my heel. For spite's sake I asked, "If we're a serial killer, then why is she not better off left with those beasts, the sycophants of Satan?"

Starched Shirt Edward squawked, "Because we're supposed to be reformed! And moral! Go after those men now. That's moral! Saint Thomas Aquinas says so. And apologize to the maiden."

"He does?"

"Indeed, he says there are three conditions that must be met for war. First the leader must declare it. Second, a just cause is required, and third, we must have pure intentions. Those beasts attacked our dear little one and her friends, it is honorable to defend her, and we are only trying to create peace in our lives. We have two out of three. I vote yes. That makes us legitimate warriors in the name of virtue, honor, and the protection of women. Now go and apologize."

Jugurtha flipped through my schedule whistling, not saying a word in my aid.

I glared at him as he said innocently, "Don't look at me; I was only doing my job." He returned to tsking at time. You have about thirty-five minutes before the humans arrive with pitchforks and torches at the site your siblings are questioning the prisoners. I'll add this issue to your list of things to loathe yourself over, and schedule a fretting session later. Get moving."

Shame coursed through me as the rain baptized me with waves of her rage. The whiny weasel had a point. I was an animal. And now I had to figure out how to grovel. Again.

She slapped me. Hard. I peered down at her in astonishment. "I beg your pardon?" There. I apologized. Sort of. And asked a question at the same time. That was my sole two for one win of the night, and I was definitely going to seize it.

Between gritted teeth, I ordered Jugurtha, "Schedule more beseeching later, in case that failed to appease her."

She patted my shoulder, "It was the only way I could get your attention. If anyone should be freaking out right now, my vote is for me. Edward, we're standing out in the open. We need to move to cover," Her teeth chattered in the chilly air. She must be worried the men could find us as her eyes scanned the nearby trees. Then she started to scare me again, "Your eyes are so green. Like bunchberry leaves in spring." I had brown contacts on. I remember sticking them in my eyes. Poor dear little one.

"I was not 'freaking out' as you call it. I was listening."

"To what?"

"Others. . . to ensure your safety. I hear far better than you can. We are alone at present. Please give me a moment."

"Oh. Sorry. But your eyes really are green, you know."

Shutting my lids, castigating thoughts flitted about in my brain. I had blocked out all other mortal and immortal minds to concentrate on her during her interminable surprise-a-thon. When I opened up my range, I located the prisoners a few miles away.

My family had picked a marvelous location, where the sound would be less likely to carry, as calculated by Emmett and Rosalie. The thick old growth trees muffled the noise and their canopies were so thick that it deflected some of the rain. It made a sharp contrast, the quiet in the ravine, with the roar of the storm, and the serenade of the thunder and lightning. They had arranged the men in rows facing each other and had simply said nothing for ten minutes. The wolves prowled, snuffling at the prisoners, drooling on a few. None of the immortals showed any interest in the captives. And the men thought it was not normal that all those pale people didn't shiver in the weather as the temperature dropped.

Jasper started questioning them, "You have really waded into territory far above your reach, you know. What are we going to do about it?"

"Let us go. We'll pay you money," One of them had the gall to request.

"Gosh fellows, let me think…..No." Jasper stroked his chin in mock contemplation, and gave the man a fond glance. "But points for trying. Let's get started, shall we?"

I heard the trussed men sulkily answering my siblings' questions.

The idiots expected to be rescued by their employers at any moment, as they had not sent the pre-arranged text at the agreed upon time. Why would immortals care about mortal lackeys that had been caught? Grace and I desperately scoured the area and found a seven member party, with one female and six males, steaming towards us, having just entered our range. They were seventy miles away and closing fast. We needed to get those prisoners' cell phones turned off. Especially if they had GPS locaters.

Newly reborn, my wrath soared far above where it had previously been. Perhaps due to the stress and all. I couldn't seem to concentrate. The minds of the mortal men drew me inexorably like a siren. Before I could warn my family, three of the prisoners' cell phones simultaneously chirped. Carol Lynn, Betty Ann, and Ella Joy newborn cheerily grabbed the phones from the pile on the ground. One said, "Oh, goody! Let's see what we have here, shall we?"

Carol Lynn read, "Touch the special one and your death will be slow."

Betty Ann squinted at hers, "Respond to the signal."

Ella Joy said, "If she's not hale and hearty do yourselves a favor and kill each other now."

One of the captives remembered lifting my girlfriend's red coat and searching through the pockets when he'd found it hanging from a tree. He'd encountered her school identification card, Angela's too. The trolls had mouthed the word "Arlington" to each other under their breath and grinned as he'd passed the cards to Hank, the recently deceased ringleader, who had leered and licked his lips. They had given chase and I had been too busy to ponder the meaning of the term "Arlington." Now, reading their minds, I knew. They had planned on stopping by in the wee hours Sunday night and paying a visit to both houses once they were occupied and waiting like sheep. My singer was supposed to return to her Father's house on Sunday, so she would have been vulnerable, had she not had a vampire boyfriend. Idiots. They wanted to repeat what they had done three months ago in Arlington, Texas. Or maybe they could have a repeat of the FBI agent's daughter in Virginia. The flickers from their memories repulsed even me.

I could sense my girlfriend's exhaustion, but I knew I had to make time. I couldn't battle immortals with her in the fray, or worse, speaking. Standing in the open under a deluge from the heavens, the icy water did nothing to cool my wrath. Given my emotional output of late, it stunned me that I was not hungry. That I didn't want to leap upon her. Fine. I totally wanted to leap upon her, but not with bloody intentions on my mind. Then there's the fact that I really do think I had lost my wits given the fright and multiple unpleasant discoveries of the evening. I would like to think that I would not have behaved otherwise. Possibly.

Because had I been in my right frame of conscience; I would not have stood in the open in the forty degrees, by the feel of it, cold water, with my poor human clinging to me with chattering teeth. I'd have tucked her away somewhere dry, warm and cozy, because I was meticulous about her welfare and care. Except for that whole being chased through the orchard business. And had I been sane, I unquestionably would not have subjected her to the attentions of my lips so soon after killing men and vaporizing parts of the National Park. But still. I would most definitely have to add those bastards, mortal and immortal, to the list of things that must be addressed in my girlfriend's life. Castrating Jacob Black would have to wait for another day. Not that it would take a day. Seriously. Jugurtha, at my command, merrily moved 'dispatching deviant duplicitous dirtbags' to the top of the list. Saint Thomas Aquinas said so.

"Are you afraid of heights?" I glanced up at a favorite tree, my meeting place with Douglas, calculating the distance from the ground. Silly me, why did I even bother to ask? This demon woman feared nothing. Including me. Fine. She was afraid of open water. The idea that she feared water more than an immortal that could kill her _far_ quicker, sent me into a mental snit for a millisecond.

Jugurtha put his arm on my shoulder and said, "Focus. Get her up in the tree and tie her to something." Excellent idea.

"No, what's high?" her flat tone and breathing indicated she was succumbing to the stress of the night. The drugs, too. With a concussion, I didn't want her to sleep. But I figured if I left her awake with a guard, she would be fine. This had to be done. For us.

Grace crooned in my mind, "Go. Sweet girl. Protect." I pitied anyone, mortal or otherwise, that elected to pester my pleasing in every way girlfriend with Grace hovering nearby.

I said to my minion, "If any immortals make it past us, can you kill them?"

Grace did the equivalent, I believe, of laughing. That answered my question.

As thunder crashed above, and lightning crackled in counterpoint, I unzipped my coat. Good thing for me that lightning struck all over the Park that night. Carefully, I set my girlfriend down on the ground under a thick canopy that shielded most of the rain. She wobbled against me. As her eyes widened, I removed my jacket at vampire speed and put her in it, pulling the hood up with a quick snap of both hands on either side of her pale face. Cranking the batteries to full capacity, I hoped they would warm her.

She didn't have time to blink more than once. And she was completely dwarfed by my coat. Had it been any other situation, I would have thought she appeared comical. Drowning in the fabric of the rain jacket, she remained silent as the long sleeves hung past her fingertips scraping the ground. They seemed to fascinate her as she wiggled her arm making the empty sleeve move. And giggled.

Paula called out to me using our shaman link. From the tenor of the thoughts coming from both Sam and Seth, things were about ready to erupt. Seth had an alpha order from Paula not to attack Sam, who had an alpha order from John Quill to behave himself. Seth glared at him instead and muttered, "murderer" over the mental link the wolves shared, the first time all had actually heard him. Sam roared and leapt at Seth, only to be halted by that barrier I'd constructed seconds too late to save the young girls. He slid down it like a pane of glass. Paula had managed to erect another around her son. It actually was quite good. Not as good as mine. But still. And with more immortals on the way, we did not have time for this. So snarled John Quill.

Paula said, "Is Bella ok?"

"She's unharmed."

"I need you here to check the ring I made around Seth. I don't know how strong it is, and half the pack is now listening to John Quill. My alpha order might not hold on him for much longer." Paula admired John Quill. Having him as the alpha was fine by her.

"She's drugged." That was the truth. "I'll be there presently. I cannot bring her as she must stay ignorant of the wolves and our status."

That was absolutely the truth. I technically didn't lie. Holding back information, as Hezekiah had adequately illustrated, was a tried and true practice in instructing students in Quileute lore. Although now that I thought about it, if Ephraim had mentioned something as amazing as vampires in his account, I wonder if she knew he'd been a wolf. I couldn't wait to get my hands on his journal. Why would he have wanted me to have it?

"You can't leave her alone, drugged, Edward. She's scared stiff, I assume," Paula remonstrated.

"Grace will be guarding her."

"Excellent," Paula's tone turned vicious as she stared at the motley collection of humans that cowered at her claws.

"Grace says you have a party of seven immortals headed towards you from the southeast, one female and six males."

"How far away are they?" Paula maintained a professional demeanor.

"Seventy miles but moving fast." I did not have to tell her they were coming for the men. She'd figure it out from the cell phones that had recently rung.

Paula stepped behind a tree, un-phased, and whispered the information at wolf pitch to the others. Sitting on logs facing each other, the captives thought she looked odd standing there in nothing but a rain jacket, and dang she had nice legs. And what kind of woman walked around barefoot in this weather, one of them grumbled. It just wasn't normal.

Jasper stood behind and out of range of the owner of the first phone's peripheral vision. The men facing him could see everything. "What was the pre-arranged signal you were to send to them?"

"Blue Paint," he lied.

Jasper clapped both hands on either side of the man's shoulders, breaking his clavicles. He moved at a blur. Everyone heard the twin snaps and the man's cry of pain.

"Try again, sparky" he said so reasonably, patting the prisoner's shoulder.

The man panted, "No matter what you tell them, they'll probably come, anyway. We've never gone this long without signaling them."

"You have three seconds to tell me the code," Jasper said in a wintry voice. "Three, two—

"Carthage," I knew he spoke the truth.

Jugurtha said, "You could learn a lot from your brother, you know."

"In regards to what?"

"Deception is not an emotion. It's an act. His gift therefore is not attuned to discerning falsehoods from fact. So he's adjusted to compensate. Liars have an increase in adrenaline."

"So do people who are afraid."

"True. Liars also make gestures in the hands and feet that give them away."

"So do people who are afraid. And they are tied."

"But they can still move them."

"True."

"Liars also make more speech errors, and the temperature on the surface of the eye increases. Your brother is checking for all of those."

"I'd been lying to him for years. He couldn't be that good."

"Immortals are different. I was mentioning the physiology of lying in humans. And you've rarely spoken to him, so how could you lie? You've simply masked your emotions from him to protect our privacy. Now you should join the others. Time is wasting." True.

I said to my girlfriend, "Can you stay absolutely quiet?" Stupid me for asking that. Of course she could.

She answered with graven eyes. Then laughed. A lot.

"Marvelous." I lifted her legs, placed them around my waist, and climbed up the trunk of the tree. I left her 180 feet up in the air sitting on a branch and used my and her belts to secure her to the limb so she wouldn't fall. "Bella, meet Douglas the squirrel. I need you to stay here and wait for me. Don't try to climb down. I promise I'll be back."

Eyes wide, she leaned back against the tree, blinking at Douglas, who watched her warily from another branch hugging an almond to his chest. I handed her a packet of almonds.

"I'm not hungry."

"He is. You might try feeding him. The food is scarce for squirrels in the spring." I broke off as she peered over my shoulder, did a double-take, and gasped. She clapped her hand over her mouth.

"What is that?" She pointed a quivering index finger at the glowing blue manta ray flapping its over twenty foot wingspan in the air.

"Oh, that." I waved my arm in a deadpan imitation of her father because she so deserved payback.

"Yes, Edward. That." Her voice sounded awed.

"Meet Miss Grace. She's going to be guarding you." Grace crooned and to my shock, my girlfriend heard it.

"Hello, there. Aren't you beautiful," she breathed, reaching out a hand toward my minion. They connected with a blue spark that made my little algae lover leap.

"She's so warm." She laughed again.

"Indeed. I believe she's trying to warm you." I needed to leave. Soon.

The limb I perched her on was large enough that I felt safe leaving her there secured. My singer was the purest soul I have ever met next to Sister Claire. So Douglas should be safe. I didn't see her taking the vampire knife to him. Or Grace.

But just in case I said, "Behave yourself with the knife while I'm gone."

I heard her mutter as I left the tree, "Now I definitely know I'm drugged. There's no way Edward would be talking to squirrels or manta rays flapping in the air. Does he chirp squirrel-ese? Is that even a legitimate language? Manta rays float in the ocean, not the sky. Grandmother warned me about PCP. Maybe I've watched one too many Disney films." her voice trailed off as she rubbed her temple and cupped her forehead in her palm. I couldn't decide if that was the drugs or the concussion talking.

I cupped her cheek in my palm and said, "I will be back. Stay."

"Woof," she laughed as if that was the funniest joke she had ever heard. I leapt from the tree and ran into the night.

According to Volturi law, I was honor bound to either kill her or transform her as soon as inhumanely possible, preferably tonight. Yet, there was that tiny issue that the Vancouver coven claimed a treaty with Liam that ensured, I'd be killed, my entire family, too, if I did so. I hated the universe in that moment. My siblings should not have to die because of a journal. My Parents, as well, for that matter. Loathing every second that carried me from her side, I sprinted downhill through the downpour and the fight they didn't know they were about to have.

Seth was biting at the bridle wanting to ensure my girlfriend's safety. Ignoring the pounding in my head, I sent him a mental picture of her beaming up at me, accompanied by one that showed her guarded by Grace. Seth was doing the next best thing to actively fighting with Sam: he simply pretended he didn't exist, and closed his mind off from him. From Sam's perspective, Seth's mind felt like an iron wall. The others weren't speaking to Sam, either, save a barked command now and then from John Quill.

My girlfriend sneezed into her sleeve, drawing my regard. Allergies? Pneumonia? I'd have to check for both when I returned. Crossing the Elwha River in one bound, I headed through Bear Pass towards Mount Scott where my family waited.

She'd keep quiet if I asked, and she certainly had proved she knew how to hold her tongue, and deceive well enough to shame a professional tonight. I couldn't turn my human. That would be rude.

Starched Shirt Edward pointed out that this he was proud of my renewed attempts of chivalry to my human. He said, "Please refrain from the brutish practice of mentally calling her 'my human' as it sounds bigoted."

"So aside from 'our dear little one' what am I allowed to think of her as?"

I prefer, "my bride," He tapped his foot. "Or, 'my peach.'"

Perverted Prude. Jugurtha and I both simply stared at him. He flushed to the roots of his hair.

Mentally, I rolled my eyes at him. While her personality pleased me, I gained satisfaction from simply smelling her, or being in her presence, or hearing the sound of her laugh. Or watching her garden. And let's not forget observing her read, and attempt to engage me in chess. Board games aside, it caused no end of frustration that she possessed perceptiveness above the level of the average human. It was complicating my arrangement with her. And my very being recoiled at the idea of turning her. I couldn't lose her scent or her…for that matter. And I most definitely couldn't endanger my family over ….her. Any more than I already had. They had limits. I'd have to take her and flee. But if I did, then I'd leave them to take my punishment. And that was something I could not do. They could not be executed because of me. I was not worth dying for.

Starched Shirt Edward warned me that she showed all the signs of a besotted young girl and that my plan had worked, but that I needed to honor her feelings by showing I returned them. I pondered that notion as I sprinted from her like the cur I was.

My human would have been revolted; for example, had she known that as I recalled her voice telling me that it didn't matter _what _I was that she still cared for me, that I _mattered_, something in me snapped. Using my gift, I tracked the minds of her attackers who repined in the not so kind hands of my siblings. The men couldn't seem to stop staring in fright at the newborns, of all things. For Pete's sake, of all the vampires in the vicinity, they were definitely the least deadly of the bunch. Clearly, in the food chain line of smart serial killers, these prisoners dangled from the bottom rung. But they'd established that the second they'd targeted my girlfriend.

Jasper called my cell phone and using Tagish asked, "Does Miss Grace have a sense of who this new party is? We know the Volturi have been traveling in the area." It would be rather inconvenient, rude as well, to send the wolves to greet our Italian guests.

Using her aid, Grace and I studied the approaching immortals. These fell into an entirely different category than the groups we'd seen tonight. All wore black and gray clothing that matched. Their minds indicated irritation, rather than concern, at our captives' inefficiency. I could not get a specific idea of age, as all focused on running or thought about the soccer game they planned on watching that night. Their power felt old, however, as old as Tanya and her sisters. The men had sent their phones pictures of my dear little one and Angela Webber. And that was entirely unacceptable.

Why couldn't these strangers have a useful thought? The one that received Jasper's texted message that responded with the correct code looked down at it, and thought that it was the right code, but sent at the wrong time. He decided they had better check to make sure. Their coven leader was not known for being merciful. His mind did not reveal to me who their leader was. As he turned to talk to the others I caught the sight of a mark. And that of his comrades, as lightning lit up their temples. Fittingly, they appeared to be thunder bolts, crude ones at that, scored into their flesh. They hadn't used a dye, rather a sharp instrument and some sort of process, venom most likely, to prevent healing.

To my brother I said, frustrated, "She senses that they are supervisors to these men and they are still on their way. She says they have scars, not tattoos, of thunderbolts on their temples. They do not look like the Volturi. Jane is blond and the lone woman in the group has red hair. None of the men appear related to her. It can't be Jane and Alec."

"How soon will they arrive?"

"Fifteen-twenty minutes." He hung up without a goodbye. My brother showed not a trace of disquiet as he put away his phone and surveyed the prisoners. He had left the men's phones and their GPS locaters working on purpose. The immortals would be walking into an ambush based on my family's hidden position.

Mary Sue leaned over one of them and inhaled, "You smell awfully good for a murderer. What do you say sisters? Should we share him?" She made it clear by her teeth that she had food on her mind. The man squealed. Fear spread like a plague through their ranks. They had no idea they'd been captured by cannibals. Those women were too hot looking to eat flesh. That was not normal. Oh, the stupidity.

"God, no. Please. I'll do anything," the man groveled.

Jasper turned to Tanya and her sisters and said at vampire pitch, "Do you know of a coven that uses thunder bolts as a symbol? Miss Grace says they have carved two of them into their temples instead of a tattoo."

Kate mused, "We knew a group in Greece that liked that symbol, but we thought they all died out."

Turning back to the begging men, Jasper continued his interrogation. "We already know that you'll do anything we ask," wielding the perfect disinterested manner, Jasper said. He acted as if a thought had struck him. With a carpetbagger's toothy smile, he said, "I'm afraid you are going to have to compete in our version of Survivor Serial Killer in our own Forks Coliseum. We're only going to permit three of you gladiators to live. We'll let those that give the best information have the chance." He stared at his watch, noticing of a sudden that the face had cracked.

"What about the others?" one sounded baffled. Dimwit.

"Oh, no worries on that. We'll insist that the winners kill you in order to earn the right to live. See? Easy as pie. Start talking."

At vampire pitch he said to the others, "Does anyone know the time?"

Those that had watches peered down, and discovered that all were shattered. The plastic cell phones had survived to blink another day.

Marvelous. I wondered how far my reign of terror had spread this time.

"We drug girls!" one shouted, "And we film them."

With the 'I'm so bored' expression, Jasper snapped his neck casually and let his body sink down and rest in disquiet, alongside a quaking comrade who soiled himself in sympathy. I'd have to practice that particular expression. Jugurtha admired it.

"I don't believe I made myself clear. I said _useful_ information. We have your cameras, wallets, credit cards, and your cell phones. And we already know you've been drugging women, seeing as you were stupid enough to drug, accost, and threaten the girlfriend of one of us, who is a very grumpy vampire."

"Vampire?" They weren't sure if he joked or not.

"No way," Percy scoffed.

"Way," Emmett smirked, while crumbling a good sized rock into dust with a fist.

Jasper picked up on that note, "Since you clearly aren't taking us seriously, the number of potential winners now has dropped to two. Who wants to die next?" He sounded like he'd asked who wanted a second helping of dinner with such bonhomie.

The tall gangly one, Percy, that had taken over as the new leader, spoke first. In his mind, he was determined that he'd come out alive. Forget the others.

"We were hired to murder women across the world who matched certain descriptions."

"And those were?"

"They always changed. Tonight we were supposed to find Caucasian brunettes with hair that reached the shoulders. We were ordered to film them ---." With her short hair, no wonder Leah had not fit in their list. Poor girl.

The one sitting next to Percy didn't want to be the next to die. He interrupted with, "We were paid five thousand per kill in a wire transfer. I have all the account numbers memorized." He recited them, hopefully. His heart sank when he realized no one wrote them down on paper, or anything else, for that matter. And he didn't see any fangs so he knew Jasper was totally lying.

"How much did you earn?" Rosalie said that so mildly, while tipping his chin up at her with fingers that caressed his jaw. She sounded as if she considered following his career path. And her appearance clearly had him stammering. Rosalie did that to mortal men.

"Four hundred eighty thousand and five hundred dollars," the man blurted. Doing murder math meant he'd killed 961 human females.

"Fascinating. How long have you been doing this job?" Tanya said that with just the right tone of admiration, beaming lust at the one on the far right who had a stool pigeon quality to him.

He blinked at her, "We've been together for six years."

"Who hired you?" Mary Alice asked.

"Don't know," another whispered.

"You were hired and paid gobs of money for six years to butcher innocent women and you don't know who your employer was?" Mary Alice said skeptically. She thought one of them had to know. With the wolves nearby, she was all but blind, she fretted. All their futures had disappeared, which could mean with the immortals on the way they were all about to die.

Jasper honed in on the prisoner with the least fear, one named Art. "What can you tell me about your employers that the others don't know?"

"One was from Kenya."

"How would you know that?"

"When we made our first kill, we were partying with each other after…." Art cleared his throat, "And we were knocked out. We woke up with this," he bared his upper arm which had a tattoo on it. Of a red –eye.

"What does that have to do with Kenya?"

"I used to do aid work over there. Peace Corps." He managed to look pious for a moment, remembering how unfair they were for firing him. Just because he liked the woman a little young. It was normal in that culture. He was merely adapting. "And I know the accent. When they knocked me out, I remember hearing one of them speak like that when I was coming to. I never saw a face, though." From his mind, he told the truth.

"What did you remember him saying?"

"He ordered someone to use more ink. He wanted the tattoos to have more red in the center." Now, I definitely knew from his mind he spoke the truth because his thoughts panicked because he knew nothing more. And I had remembered touching the mind of the Kenyan immortal.

"Name your victims," Irina said to the men.

"Lady, how in the hell do you expect us to do that?" one of them whined.

She sent him a freezing glance, and with a casual clap on either side of his head, crushed his skull. Brain matter splattered all over the prisoners that sat near him. His corpse fell forward to rest like an exhibit for the remaining captives. With a blank expression, at vampire speed she held her hands out to the rain, and washed them clean. The prisoners, however, only saw that she licked her fingers. While tapping an index finger against her lower teeth, she stared at them like a picky judge at the county fair examining substandard livestock. Irina said to the rest of the men, "Now you only have one winner left. I would be willing to bet I've killed more people than you have. Most of mine died with a smile on their face. You won't."

Even Percy attempted to sit straighter. She had their undivided regard.

The men had been frightened when Jasper had killed the first one. He was, after all, a big strapping guy though, so they could understand it. But a tiny woman like that to be able to crush the skull like a grape, that was an entirely other matter. Dread started to sink into the clearing. This was not normal. And everyone was really pale. And her licking Mahendra's brain had been disgusting. Woman shouldn't be cannibals. Not proper ones anyway.

"Anyone else with a stupid question?" Emmett said cheerfully.

Percy, their current leader said, "We were given descriptions of victims, not particular targets. Sometimes we learned their names. Most times we didn't bother to ask, and they didn't tell."

"What was the point?"

"Beats the heck out of me. It was a job. I just liked doing it. And the pay was decent." He shrugged his shoulders casually. From his thoughts, he felt absolutely no shame in what he had done. He thought to himself, _"It's a tough job, but someone's got to clean up the Darwin soup. Stay calm and as long as you hold back about the special ones this should turn out fine. I have to come out of this alive. Someone has to feed my cat, Precious. She's sixteen and needs me."_

"Then what use do I have for you?" Jasper inquired, ever so the polite southern gentleman.

"We were hired to kill women across seven states and ten countries, on particular dates. I kept a record." The churl adopted a crafty mask. It was in a flash drive he had tucked into his pocket that he always took with him.

The wolves started growling on that note. Sam, in particular, wanted to chomp their bodies. That way he wouldn't have to think of….Well it was totally their fault anyway. If they hadn't…..

The mob had no idea who their supervisors were, supernaturally speaking, and the voices in their minds of the aforementioned managers matched the mental voices of the two immortals that John Quill and Seth had killed. I had the faces of the victims they had thought of engraved in my mind, although I knew the list wasn't complete. There was nothing left of these animals to question, my senses told me. Right now, I had my priorities.

Kate asked, "How did you dispose of your victims' bodies?"

Percy shrugged, "Sometimes we had to act on short notice or think outside the box" – he thought of the four they'd dumped in the bayou in Louisiana, and the two they'd hidden in an abandoned mercury mine in California. "Usually, we found a field and buried them."

Humans don't typically think in exact directions. He did not, for example, recall the name of the bayou, which of the hundreds of mercury mines that had been abandoned they'd used, nor did he ponder the location of the seven fields in which he recalled digging shallow graves. And it was not like we could call the human police and say, "Hey, we're a loyal group of concerned immortals. Out of civic responsibility, we murdered some serial killers who confessed to burying bodies in this field, and dumping them in a mercury mine in California. Oh and you need to search all the bayous in Louisiana. Honest. Bye now."

We had company coming, men in large groups with guns tracking in the forest after the wolves' paws. It was time to leave. Soon. Fortunately, the heavy rain worked to obliterate the paw prints. But the men were within five miles and closing fast. And the immortals approached as well.

Percy earned my undivided attention by mentally saying my girlfriend's name. He couldn't wait to see her again. He had grand plans. For her entire family. No one had ever escaped his clutches. And she had those big brown eyes. It was fate.

What balderdash. Sure I had killed men, but I had done so for three years, not six. And I had worked alone, not in packs. Aside from that dismemberment business, which had been vampirically necessary, I had never carved into the flesh of any of those criminals' corpses with anything save my teeth. And I most certainly had not kept any alive to torment after drinking them dry. I'd had some standards. What had the world come to?

I timed my approach as a storm started a symphony of noise with clapping thunder. And I most definitely made sure Jasper didn't detect my emotions. At least, not at first. My girlfriend, who said it didn't matter _what_ I was, would have screamed had she seen that without pause, I quietly snapped the necks of three of them like clothes lining dominos in under one second. Perhaps her calm face would have frozen if she saw that I drove the cartilage of the nose with the base of my palm into the brain of another, killing him instantly. Mary Alice, Jasper, and Emmett stared as I stalked toward the last group who faced the bodies. The convicts wailed in terror, conveniently drowned out by the thunder. Laurent and Dallas Faith newborn were impressed with my speed and wondered how they could learn to move and glow like that sneaky boy did. Mary Sue thought I looked totally hot.

The site of bloodshed didn't bother Tanya. The very notion of _me _doing it, however, she found disturbing. Now she had to form scruples? Had I known it was my innocence that appealed to her, I'd have killed a time or five in front of her. Irina fretted that I'd snapped, Kate, too. Although Irina liked the economy of movement I used when I killed.

At John's bark, the wolves didn't interfere. They had wanted to kill those jerks; I believe was the loose translation of the term, half an hour ago. Seth decided that I was strong enough to protect his sister. Sam wished he could take my place. How little he knew.

Mary Alice's vision played through my mind like a madman's serenade. When my sister had told me I only had minutes to reach the girls, she'd witnessed me discovering the twisted bodies of my girlfriend and Angela, in the same patch of woods, hearts silenced forevermore. I could not erase the sight of their eyes fixed in terror, mouths open as if screaming from my mind, or what the vision had shown had been done to them before they begged for death with a hacksaw and railroad spikes. I had probably exploded half the Park in my rage trying to reach them with that possible future image hounding me.

But what sparked my fury beyond reason in the present, were the thoughts coming from one of them, the newly crowned leader, Percy. While his friends cowered, he had the audacity to fantasize about what he would do when he won the contest. With my woman. And her friend. Apparently, Jasper must have been boring him as he had the cognitive time to fantasize while being surrounded by an irritated clutch of immortals and a slobbering pack of werewolves. The temerity. I could not let that hubris stand. Chivalry said so.

Perhaps it was the predator in me that moved my hands as they pounced upon Percy, and lifted him to my face. I growled. Percy never saw what hit him. I suspect my human would have become shocked had she seen that I punched the ringleader's replacement so hard his heart exploded inside his chest cavity as his body landed like laundry across the branch of a tree. Because methodical was my middle name in matters of defending my woman, I snatched a railroad spike from an open backpack and rammed it through the side of his head as he dangled in the air. Now that was an ornament I would not mind having on my tree for Christmas.

To the rest of the riveted immortals I snarled in greeting, "Bella is safe." It was only fair I let them kill the rest. I had discipline.

Emmett, Rosalie, Laurent, Irina, and Kate, Tanya, and Mary Alice dispatched the remaining criminals. I was otherwise occupied as it no longer satisfied me to watch his corpse twitch in a tree. Tearing him from the branch, I flung him to the earth and continued to beat the quite dead by now ringleader's corpse. I showed care not to break any more of his skin, only his bones. All two hundred and six of them that I could reach. The newborn sisters were, for once, by the mirror expressions on their vacuous faces, shocked into silence.

I stood over the replacement leader's gangly body, threw back my head, and howled my wrath at having nothing left to kill in the immediate vicinity. I was most eager to meet the latest immortal callers. The rainwater washed the scent of death from my hands, not that it would have stayed anyway thanks to Young to Me Old Power stripping me of mine like she had my girlfriend. My howl was the envy of the pack. It's volume, too.

And it spurred the humans who hunted us into running, guns in hand. My power expenditure of the evening began to catch up with me. Blood dripped from my nose in front of a group of riled up vampires. Lovely. Good thing I had no scent. But I might have to smack Peter. And Charlotte.

Emmett shouted at vampire pitch, "Edward, you moron, now the humans are going to come straight here." Paula transformed, nudged the wolf next to her and pointed a paw, and told me _"We'll try to lead them away."_ She left Seth with us; and at a barked order from John, the pack took off, splitting into two groups. They planned on leading the humans on a wild goose chase. And if they ran into those immortals on the way, Paula thought to me, she'd definitely make sure to greet them properly.

Clicking her tongue at Emmett, Mary Alice chided, while patting me on the bicep, "Easy on the shouting there, brother dear, Edward has all those new unpredictable powers right now and does not need any more upset. You got it?"

My family and the newborns, the pack too, had been so surprised because they had not smelled me in the vicinity before I sprang into the ravine. More importantly, they literally had not heard me coming. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Irina approached me slowly. While beating Percy to his Eternal Reward, I had not bothered to shield my emotions. Jasper was alarmed, once again, at the intensity of pure savagery coming from me, his quiet bookish shy brother who needed coaching to even ask a girl out on a date. He staggered, worried for his mate.

Jugurtha said, "You need to calm yourself. We need our guileful brother for his planning. If you hurt him, he can't think so well." Oh. Right. "Think world peace." He soothed.

In the split second before he started to move to her side, I said, "Jasper, I would never hurt Mary Alice."

His mate met his gaze with a fierce one of her own. He went back to trying to block out all the roiling rage, bloodlust, and concern around him. How he had questioned humans for all those years without going stark raving mad from their emotions was simply beyond me. We couldn't age after we were turned, and he may have appeared similar to that young soldier all those years ago, but he wore a different set of eyes that had witnessed countless acts of brutality.

Jugurtha remonstrated, "Worry about him later. He's fine. You need to scan the environment." I stared around, taking note of the surroundings.

They had brought all the bodies from the south orchard here. We now had a rather large envy of immortals everywhere collection of corpses. The lightning illuminated my companions' concerned faces. We didn't have much time to hide them. The humans were climbing fast.

"Stay. Safe. Card. Apple. Soon," I said to the startled into silence immortals.

My siblings and Paula, hearing through our link, understood. The one phrase that Genevieve had sent echoed in my mind in a loop. I knew what she meant about the apple, and now, I most definitely understood the 'card' and 'soon' part of that bit as well.

I growled, and at vampire speed searched through one man's pockets. Sniffing like a baited bear, I removed my prize - my future bride and her friend's school identification cards. The killers had retrieved them from the red coat she had thrown to the ground as a distraction while fleeing. I made sure to take the flash drive from Percy, and tossed it to Jasper. Lifting Percy's corpse from the ground over my head, I angrily flung him in a heap with the others, and turned to face a gauging by Jasper and Irina's thoughts, irritated at my inefficiency, audience.

Oh. Right. Well. Cold reason started to permeate my predatorial side. They unfortunately had a point. I had not bothered to track the entire interrogation or listen to their minds, considering my recent shocked to the core umpteen times by my Real Sneakier Than Me Girlfriend, as I'd all but drooled at her feet confoundedly. And worse, I'd been too far away to be able to admit to them the parts I _had_ overheard. I could cover for the flash drive as I could claim I'd smelled it while searching for her card.

My family could play back to me their memories of the interrogation from earlier. But now that the wretches were dead, we couldn't discover anything stray perception they had accidentally on purpose forgotten to mention. Nor could I admit to anything I had learned. I had to be a selfish creature. It was my nature, after all.

Jasper had known the prisoners were holding out on him, and had planned on breaking them over the course of the night, until I had gone all WolfVamp. He tried to hide his disappointment. And the smell of the blood from the bodies, for several, was like old times….Peter, Charlotte, Jasper, and Kate started swallowing mouthfuls of venom, eyes black as tar. We did not have time for this between the human hunting party and the lightning scarred immortal irked middle managers. Mary Alice took off a back pack she'd been wearing and scrounged around inside. She emerged with a large thermos of algae. The others took turns taking shots and trying not to squeal over its taste.

We could hear the clamor of the frightened and angry humans approaching from the distance. They searched the forest, for both men and wolves, led by an armed Yorkie family and livid Chief Swan, who chanted to himself as he swatted away a fern frond that _"thank God his baby girl was safe and how I've known those poor kids since they were toddlers and seeing them dead and all..Dangnabit I was gonna shoot the damn dog that dig this, and bring Harry and Sue it's head to mount on their wall." _He would have to get in line.

The chief from Port Angeles had his hands full handling the bodies and the coroner and having his men control the morbidly curious crowd. I had to act fast. There was nothing worse than Charlie Swan armed and stupid. Ok. Fine. There was. But I didn't think having him walk upon us and find a recently deceased human mountain of broken bones accompanied by the largest horse-sized wolves he'd ever seen in his tiny little mind would be a felicitous way to begin my official courtship of his daughter. He might decide I had a bad reputation, consorted with riff raff, or some such nonsense.

And Chief Swan ignored the calls of the two packs of wolves that came from the south and the north, determined that this was the right way. He barreled through the bushes straight towards the corpses. Of all the times to be perceptive. He and his daughter….. well she wasn't terminally stupid. Unfortunately.

I extended my hands for all to view and allowed my fellow fighters to see by my iris color that I had not fed in the flashing light, as I removed the contacts that I had put in, only to find that they were no longer there.

Jugurtha said, "Using the wolf powers burned them to bits. Your eyes are an unusual shade of green and they are currently glowing which has everyone jumpy. Everyone can already tell you haven't fed on human blood." Right. So my singer hadn't been hallucinating. Marvelous.

Extending her school identification card, I snarled, "They had Bella's card and Angela's as well, and the flash drive contains the record of their kills. It takes a while for the algae's effect to occur in reducing blood lust. You all might find it prudent to stop breathing now. Especially you, Jasper,"

My brother was having a difficult time maintaining control, no doubt from my anger, and I cautioned him several times. With a heave, the strategist took control, and he recovered his composure, "You should note the tattoos they have on their arms."

Tanya and I examined the corpses clinically. "Jasper, all of them are identical," she said as she sniffed, "they're crude looking." She flicked away an arm.

Emmett said, "Edward, how long does Miss Grace say we have?"

"For which party?"

He stared at me as if I were in need of short sentences repeated twice using simple words. "The immortals that are on their way."

"Oh. Sorry. Hmmm, if we run to meet them, we can do it in twenty minutes."

Kate, Irina, and Tanya conferred. "We've never seen anything like these tattoos," was the general consensus. Mary Alice snapped pictures of the marks with the camera she'd taken from the most recently expired ringleader, and the faces of the corpses that were still recognizable. And shucks, Hank, the original ringleader was right. The night vision worked quite well.

I panted for a moment, wiping at my nose as the rain washed my blood away. Now I had to talk with my head tilted back, with Emmett supporting me, and Rosalie pinching my nose shut. How dignified. "Does the phrase 'special ones' mean anything to any of you?" came out in nasal tones. Jasper stiffened his posture, and Peter and Charlotte both appeared shocked.

"That was a code phrase our coven used in the Southern Wars," Peter explained.

"What did it signify?" Rosalie asked. She patted my shoulder as her handkerchief kept my nostrils sealed, trying to end the nosebleed. _"Thank God,"_ she thought, _"his blood has no scent."_ She was feeling the effects of that horrid gunk, thank God, again, she swore.

Peter said, "The term 'special one' meant that the human was singled out as having some unique gift that made them too important to use in the regular battles. We weren't the only ones that used that code phrase, though. It was quite common. The covens kept throwing newborn troops at each other and needed a fresh supply."

Charlotte added, "Rarely, the special ones showed up to a battle. Most we never saw again. But we were only there for a little while." She turned to Jasper for him to explain since he'd been with the coven for decades.

"They are correct. That practice went on the entire time I was there. You're looking at a 'special one,'" he didn't bother to hide the bitterness.

Irina mused, "You know there is another meaning of that term. I do not expect you to know it because you are too young."

Kate agreed, "Oh, that's right. Clever."

We all turned to Irina. Tanya appeared unusually grave. Irina said, "In the early part of the vampire wars, the Volturi did not understand the value of vampires with talents. Marcus was the one who changed their minds. Before they had him, though, they used the term 'special ones' to signify ones they intended to assassinate, out of fear of their power. They sent out groups to hunt down any vampire in any clan they heard of that had a talent that made them nervous. Thousands died."

Tanya said, "That was not the only use for the word, though. The Romanian coven used it to refer to mortals who had blood they found appealing. They captured them and literally bred them like cattle to other humans so they would have a constant pleasant tasting food supply."

Jugurtha whispered to me as dread knocked on the dark door of my pitch black soul, "We do not know that the Volturi know of her existence. And we have no contact with the Romanians. We have blown up trees, boulders, watches, windows, and ravines across the National Forest and Park. We're going to have a tough enough time explaining that. Don't let them think you are completely unstable. Calm down." His advice made sense.

Emmett decided we needed to change the subject as he morbidly watched the facial tic that had sprung to life in my cheek. He glanced over at the bodies and said, "Obviously they look like red eyes. Are we looking at the red-eyed people?"

"Indeed they do. And I have no idea. I can't see these fools hunting the Swans for generations. They're mortal." Mary Alice sighed.

I said, "Based on what Grace and I can tell, they were supervised from afar by immortals. How do we know that this is the only group?"

Jasper said, "None of them have the scents Bella described to you, so I think it would be a waste of time to take clothing samples to her. Plus, the rain is washing everything away, regardless."

We heard the approaching crowd shouting encouragement at one another over the roar of the rain. They were about a mile away.

Jasper said, "We'll have to take the bodies and run further into the forest to dispose of them."

I held up a palm, closing my eyes.

There was nothing left of the Discovery Bay immortals as the wind and torrential downpour had obliterated their ashes. They had been quite old, compared to us, and I still wondered why the Violet Gorgon would attack this way. She did not strike me as the type to utilize humans for anything save hors d'ouerves.

Thinking of the pile of still twitching corpses, I called to the Quileute spirits in aid. Bloodhounds bayed half a mile away honing in on the pile of corpses. My family was anxious to move, although supernaturally speaking, they had plenty of time. Green light spouted from my eyes and hands. I did not know what I did; I only knew I had to let the power out of me. And hiding that many bodies took effort. I should know.

I felt the presence of Young to Me Old Power as Grace greeted her from afar. Since she wouldn't deign to converse with the proletariat likes of me, I directed my inquiries to my pet.

To Grace, who floated in the air by my girlfriend, crooning to her, I said, "Why did Young to Me Old Power's Mother do this?" Remembering that one of the immortals from Discovery Bay had the tattoo of an owl on his temple, I added, "And why did she use a lost coven from France?" My mind flickered to the thunder bolts that possibly came from another country with the now approaching next round of immortals, "And Greece?"

Grace answered, "Did she?"

I said, "I can't think of any other immortal aside from the Gorgon that would be stalking my bride, can you?"

Silence.

Grace's answer that came from Young to Me Old Power sucked the oxygen out of the clearing, "Lots. Humans come. Cold ones, too. Done Talk now."

I felt Young to Me Old Power and that of several other spirits cloak me in strength. Like the typical snotty aristocrat that she was, she never thought a single thing to me that I could use, beyond that I was not worthy of speaking to her semi-precious self. We'd have to take a rain check on that conversation ranting about her delusional mother, I thought to her. Especially that irrational demand to find her imaginary brother without any kind of helpful clue like a name and birth date or location and a shoe size…..and I could swear I heard an elegant titter in response. Then another ancient spirit decided to enter the fun and my eyes literally rolled back into my head at the power that filled me, spilling over my soul. And the next forty seconds were a blur. My family told me after the fact that I looked like a wolf fueled Roman candle as green and white lights burst from my entire being and coated the corpses.

I came to awareness moments later, wondering what had happened, only being clued by the faint pattern in the earth that quickly disappeared. My nose was being held by Rosalie, which meant I must have another nosebleed. From her thoughts, blood had come from my ears as well. Wonderful. No wonder they hurt.

"Where are the bodies?" I asked.

Jasper had calm voice mode on, "You should know."

"I beg your pardon?"

I squinted trying to recall. I had hoped the spirits would aid me in digging a hole faster than normal. Young to Me Old Power, from what I understand, and the other spirits in working in conjunction, seemingly had other ideas. I patched together from Jasper's mind that the earth suddenly trembled. A patch of terrain by the covered in green energy bodies had cracked in a split second, swallowed them up like an angry beast, and had snapped its jaws shut at my stunned family and cohorts. When the hole had closed, only an immortal eye could have discerned the disturbance in the earth as the spirits had, ever so kindly, rearranged the leaves and recently uprooted ferns and assorted shrubbery. That was about the time from their memory that I pitched forward to the soggy earth's cold embrace.

Covered in mud and leaves, twigs nested in my hair. I had hit a tree trunk on my way down to the soil and had clawed through the moss on its trunk. The same moss covered my right hand and lurked under my nails. Sighing, I worried the humans would trace that to me. Before everyone's started eyes, the moss grew over covering my trail on the trunk of the tree.

"Edward, what the hell was that?"

Now my family was worried that I had been possessed by spirits, which actually, I kind of sort of had. The men were a quarter of a mile away, drawn by the light. Emmett pulled his protesting mate away and stepped back, sniffing for birch. My eyes had glowed differently, they thought, than they normally did. And Emmett was fingering his vampire blade. Like that would help if spirits attacked. But the thought was nice. Considerate, too.

Spitting out the leaves that were in my mouth I kept my face planted on the ground seeing as it hurt to move and all. "It's me Emmett, and I'm not possessed."

Groaning, I rolled over on my side facing him, and curled into a fetal position. It hurt too much to hum. The rain continued to hammer us all, and washed the grime from my forehead. Mary Alice started towards me, and her mate held her arm.

Emmett wagged his finger at me, "Just because you aren't glowing purple doesn't mean it's you, and my baby brother can't make the ground open up like that. And he doesn't float like Tinkerbelle. You're going to have to prove to me you're Edward. Or start barfing pea soup."

The others gave me a healthy distance. Mary Alice believed it was me and held her tongue. Why he compared the algae to pea soup was beyond me. I hadn't found those particular vegetables that bad compared to lasagna or meatloaf. They had tasted like ball bearings, if memory served.

"Edward," my so not angelic in nature sister said in a treacly voice, "What is the name of the folder that Emmett keeps his horrid film collection?"

"Tulip."

The newborns giggled, recalling Emmett and Jasper's recent humiliation at my hands. I almost smiled, but the thirty-three muscles that would have required were otherwise occupied pinging in agony. It looked like green steam emerged from my body that turned into fog that banked me.

"Christ, he looks like an episode of Dance Fever with all the cheesy dry ice. I know for a fact my baby brother doesn't smoke. Demons could possibly read minds, too. That doesn't prove he's Edward. Rose, honey, you were thinking of the answer. He has to prove by saying something only Edward would know that we aren't currently thinking about." Emmett was determined that I was the Gorgon. And he wondered how to get her out of his baby brother as beating him was not an option. He cracked his knuckles. And his neck. Preparing for some sort of paranormal altercation.

"Fine," I sighed, he asked for it. In Tagish, the dialect from the Southern Yukon that the newborns most certainly did not comprehend, eyes squeezed shut, still rocking slightly, I recited the dates and locations of each occasion that he had slipped up and killed a human. I gave him the exact times as well. I left out the names of his victims since that would have defied the whole point of speaking in another language to be discreet. Concluding my proof, I told him how many times he had vomited after the last episode. Seeing as he had been alone at the time and had never told a soul save me, I believe I proved my identity. If he could have fainted, he would have. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings." I added softly, as an afterthought.

Through clenched lips Emmett said, with a shake of his head, "Only Edward would think to apologize. Fine. You're Edward. You look like…..you look like crap. Are you ok?"

"Yes," I prevaricated with ease. My head felt like the entire combined armed forces of Europe Morris danced across my brain.

I felt proud in that moment to realize that I held no interest in the blood of those men that I'd dispatched to meet their maker. After all, I had something far better waiting for me clutching a tree.

"Where is she, and is she ok? We need to leave now." Mary Alice asked.

"I left her in a tree four miles to the south."

"You what?" Emmett barked in concern. "With her disability?" He reminded himself that I had been howling so perhaps he shouldn't shout down at me, considering I'd just made bodies disappear like Jimmy Hoffa. My nose had ceased bleeding so he held out his arm and aided me in standing upright. And worried that he'd find my girlfriend crumpled in a heap of broken limbs at the foot of a tree. Without my permission, he flung me across his shoulders and headed toward my girlfriend.

"Jesus, Edward, you're hot."

Mary Sue newborn said as if we were all imbeciles, "I have been saying that all along. He has untapped depths."

"Not that kind of hot. I'm not into men, especially relatives. I mean his body temperature is elevated."

Laurent sniffed and muttered, "Philistine."

Rosalie leaned across and felt my forehead. She actually appeared frightened, _"I can only sense the temperature when I touch him. I should be able to tell how hot his body is without touch. It's like he's not even there until my hand is on him. Christ he looks like ….sorry Edward."_

Sprinting away from the killing ground after us, Tanya thought it inconvenient that we had decided not to turn the human. She would be easier to handle as an immortal. And that way Tanya could actually speak to her. And if we did have immortals lusting after her scent as a special one, that would solve that problem immediately. I ignored Tanya, seeing as I had more things to worry about that were considerably more important. Knowing my spiteful cousin, she probably hoped I would drink my girlfriend dry. Her mind returned to worrying about Leah, which actually impressed me.

Mentally moving to the mansion for a moment, I checked in on my Parents. Father had conveniently left us to our devices and had not texted the order to turn my girlfriend. He planned on doing it himself after discussing the matter with me and her. Mother worked out the logistics of planning my girlfriend's death from heart failure.

Returning my mind to my gawping family and the newborns…and the pack….I said,

"I left her guarded by Grace. She's been drugged."

My family remembered Miss Grace in Manta Ray form back at the immortal slime pit on Liam's farm, and instantly calmed. The newborns wondered who Miss Grace was. I had just killed a mountain of men in front of them and they doubted my ability to keep one mortal wheezing? My family….

Irina said, "I doubt you'll need our escort to retrieve your human from a tree." Irina had her priorities in order. And she'd totally called my girlfriend a "human" to appease Tanya, her thoughts said to me. Irina was awesome. I extended my powers. She looked hopeful. Irina really wanted to kill someone. Again. Those men had made her so mad the way they had initially dared to look at her, her sisters, her cousins, and even the newborns. And don't get her started on those lost coven imbeciles.

Jasper looked at her like the warrior that she was and said, "Fine. We'll go give these seven immortals a proper receiving party." Then he smiled. And now I understood why no hostile force ever walked away from the battlefield after encountering him. He acted as if he could kill them all by himself with a flick of his finger, but as a favor to us all, he'd allow some of us to trail after him to watch the show. And he had the credibility to back that demeanor.

He squeezed Mary Alice's hand, whispered, "I may be late, but I'll get home as soon as I can."

Tanya waved at the newborns and said, "We'll see you at home then. Darlings," she caroled over the approaching bay of the men and dogs, "we're going to practice running and looking lovely while doing it. And we'll greet some warriors in the Denali manner. After me." She sailed out of the area trailed by her family and stooges-in-waiting. I had no idea that she and her sisters had returned to killing men by having sex with them. Tragic.

Laurent wanted to have the rear position and Irina's growl solved that problem. He would stare at the other backsides instead. He might be celibate and it might be killing him…never mind. Ew. Peter and Charlotte went along to keep Jasper company. It would be like the good old days, Peter thought fondly.

It was a good thing they went, as the couple ran with the party away from the humans and the festival. Peter and Charlotte said they needed to go hunt as Charlotte was looking desperate now that all those human bodies had bled internally in front of her. Apparently she'd only taken a tiny portion of the algae and was still partially hungry. She had wanted to feed off the fresh corpses, and had wailed seeing them disappear in front of her eyes. After some persuasion from her spouse, Charlotte settled for another deer instead of attacking the humans who hunted…..us. They did the immortal equivalent of drive through dining as she sucked on a buck holding it while running.

Emmett, Rosalie, Mary Alice and I were left as they continued to run toward Mount Meaney, where I had left her in a tree. There was no way I was letting her near my girlfriend unless she wanted to be a pile of ashes. Charlotte, not my girlfriend. For the record, I wouldn't be averse to Charlotte snacking on Charles Swan. So long as she had the good taste not to turn him.

Emmett had wanted to fight the immortals, but he worried that we could be attacked while retrieving my girlfriend and didn't want to leave me vulnerable. Also, he wanted to keep an eye on me after all that earth munching corpses business. He hoped my girlfriend was ok. Those ahem….jerks must have scared the soup out of her. She was such a tiny little thing.

Speaking of my poor little sludge lover, I couldn't have my siblings find her awake. The drugs had made her far too talkative for her own good. If she had shocked me, I did not even want to think what would happen if I got her in her chatty and giggling state near Mary Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett. I had a mental image of her greeting them with, "Hey! By the way, I know you're blood suckers. Can we go now? I'm cold," as she fist-bumped Grace in her manta ray form, and howled like a hyena. I shuddered.

Mary Alice said, "Edward?" She moved toward me like I was going to pass out while hanging on Emmett's shoulder. I needed to do a better job at performing being composed. My girlfriend's pulse depended on it. So I had to protect her. My family, too.

Grace showed me my staring in fascination singer who caressed her glowing form reverently. My girlfriend now had her own spiritual fan club. Her pendant wasn't glowing, so I felt that meant all was fair in love and war and I could do what I desired. Well, not really. But I didn't feel a twinge of remorse for what I did next. And I didn't sense Young to Me Old Power, as her presence had been absent when I had regained my senses. So I had no witnesses, aside from Grace. Using my power, I caused my girlfriend to sleep, not missing the glimpse of befuddlement on her face before she fell unconscious, and slumped against the trunk.

Douglas jumped on her head and bent over tapping at her eyes. He left an almond for her in her shirt pocket and moved to a branch to guard her. I know with her having a concussion that I should keep her awake. But right now, her having a constant pulse mattered more. I'd take my chances. And she really didn't need to know right now what had happened with the Clearwaters. And her brother wore Emmett's long raincoat and nothing else, and explaining that he hadn't become a sexual deviant, just a werewolf, would be awkward. This was for the best.

I said to Emmett, "Please put me down." Once he did, turning to Seth I said, "We have decided to keep Bella ignorant of the wolves. You will have to stay out of sight."

"Stop for a second," Mary Alice reached into that backpack again and threw a set of undergarments and jeans in Seth's size at him with a pair or what appeared to be sandals. She shrugged, "I don't have to see the future to know that there was a chance one of them might take human form."

I didn't even want to contemplate what else she had stuffed in that bag. Seth happily donned his attire behind a massive tree. Despite his frame which now towered over me, he still appeared baby-faced. Haggard, too, since he was thinking about his sister, Leah.

We sprinted for the tree. When we reached it, I said, "Wait here, please." Grace had ever so kindly put up a barrier around her in case she fell that my siblings could see as she floated in the air before them. The reunited in name only wolves had joined us, and were astounded. I had the coolest powers of them all. Miss Grace now had a fan club. Mary Alice insisted on climbing with me. Rosalie, too.

Climbing at vampire speed, I found my out like a light little bottle cap and unlatched her from the tree. In a blur, I refastened my belt and hers, and pulled her into my arms. Both Rosalie and Mary Alice glared at me as if I'd lost my mind. Which I kind, of sort of, had. Sighing, I handed her over.

Rosalie leapt to the ground as gently as she could, holding her. Mary Alice timed her jump so that she plunged at my side the entire way down. I landed in the middle of my siblings. Emmett grabbed me as my feet touched the earth, worried I'd fall. Seth studied her from afar to ensure that she was in one piece.

I wasn't sure of the etiquette of, "Nice to see you Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Edward now that I know you all are blood sucking fiends." Or worse, "My, what large dogs you have." Somehow my singer looked appropriately innocent as she lay in my arms unconscious, thank God. We ran in the downpour to the jeep that Emmett had abandoned and the Volvo that I had left. I maintained my silence simmering in fury as we departed in groups. No one said a word as cumulative stress finally took its toll on us all.

After five minutes of blessed quiet and blocked thoughts, Rosalie said, "How long has Bella been unconscious? Did she hit her head hard?"

"It's hard to say. It's been so long since I was a human I don't know what "hard" is." That was technically true. And that way I wasn't lying. They seemed to think she had been unconscious in the tree the entire time.

Sitting in his Jeep, behind our car, hearing every word, Emmett was impressed that I had the discipline to tie her to the tree and leave her in that state considering how overprotective I was. Leaving Grace to guard her, in Emmett's mind, was a sneaky stroke of genius. And he still could not wrap his mind around the idea of what I had done to those men.

Emmett said, "Edward, maybe Father and Rosie should have a look at her to make sure she wasn't hurt too bad." With a slight inclination of my forehead, I indicated my agreement. I had to plot how to get through the next few hours.

Mary Alice did not try to cast her future. She simply stared at her hands on the steering wheel, twisting them. That left me to answer. Drat. We were in the Volvo driving at a snail's pace due to the presence of enraged law enforcement officials. Emmett and Seth were in the Jeep trailing behind. The authorities had cordoned off the area and checked each car before allowing it to leave. We sat for twenty agonizing minutes before we rolled up to Deputy Smith. He didn't even bother to search either car and waved us through. Smart man. He searched everyone else's though. In his mind, the Cullen kids were alright, and Chief Swan's daughter was a cute little thing. She'd make a good cop, he decided. Besides, she looked dead to the world and needed some rest. He'd heard rumors she had heart problems, poor mite.

The Port Angeles hospital called out a siren lure, and I stared in its direction, contemplating my options.

Rosalie picked now, of all times, to be perceptive and said, "Edward, if we take her to the Port Angeles hospital, which is crawling with humans right now, her Father will interfere because of those poor dead girls. We can test her in Forks."

She reached across the seat, took out a pen light and pulled back my singer's eyelid testing the pupils. My mind ran through the series of tests we'd have to do in order to ensure she didn't have brain damage. That could explain all that nonsense she'd spouted earlier that evening. Perhaps. Not.

I told Jugurtha, "We need to always carry a pen light on us from now on. It's only practical with her brain and all." He scribbled that into his "to do" list.

Mary Alice sealed the Port Angeles hospital decision when she said, "Considering her heart stopped the other night, I don't think it would be a good idea for her to learn about Leah, Emily, and Jennifer tonight. She was childhood friends with the Whitelock girls. We should wait at least a day. And tell her when she's sedated.

We drove straight there and snuck in the back of the Forks Hospital. Rosalie and I ran the tests efficiently, while our siblings paced in the woods around the parking lot with the be-ringed wolves that had followed us. Sam knew better than to ask if he could go to the other hospital. Paula had phased into human form while we ran the tests and had called Harry Clearwater to check on Leah. She wanted to take Seth there, but feared he could become too emotional and phase. And with the hospital packed with festival goers and authorities, this was not what they needed. Seth was mature enough to appreciate that point. He decided he'd guard his other sister instead.

As I heard Harry and Sue sobbing by their unconscious daughter, Sue updated Paula, who offered her sympathy, then put Seth on the phone. Sam stayed in a dark section of the nearby forest with the rest of the pack, listening in on the call. John Quill had him confined under an alpha order. I avoided Mr. Uley's mind. I had enough to worry about. His girlfriend would live. I could not say the same for mine.

Starched Shirt Edward softly said, "You didn't beat your pregnant girlfriend, break her jaw, ribs, arm, and knock out three of her teeth. Don't compare the situations. How would you feel if you had done that in reality to our dear little one when she carried our child?"

I hung my head. The fantasy I'd had of Real Me married to my Future Bride with children flickered in my mind for a heartbreaking moment. He was absolutely right. I was a monster.

Speaking of monsters, professional courtesy and brotherly affection mandated that I use my Quileute gift to check on Jasper's progress tracking the seven immortals – the ones that seemed to have supervised the beasts we'd enthusiastically sent off to the Great Beyond. I hadn't had much time to pay more attention to the men and one woman as closely as I would have preferred, seeing as I'd been infuriated and stark raving insane at the time I'd been firing their employees. As Jasper's posse honed in on the wary immortal middle managers, I thought about warning them that the men were armed with vampire blades. Grace thought it prudent, so I texted Jasper the news giving my minion the credit for the observation. Jasper and Irina both had blades, and Jasper had teeth that chomped with fury. I thought they'd be fine. Grace agreed.

I turned my mind back to the incoming party of red-eyed people. I searched their minds for any connection to the Gorgon and found absolutely nothing. They'd vanished again. Well, six of them had. One was left tethered like Prometheus to a rock in the rain with a note in a plastic bag on him that said, "Enjoy" in Oscan. By the sniff of him, he'd been poisoned, and although alive, was paralyzed. Jasper thought the man's condition most likely permanent, as the Vancouver Coven did not play well with others.

Hanging from his foot was a bag that held seven metal arm bands. They had Babylonian words carved into them. And an odd-shaped elongated letter X drawn sideways through the capital letter V in Latin script. Jasper read the note without emotion, and smirked at the new captive. He hoped I could read the man's mind, thinking we'd snuck one over on the Vancouver Coven. Unfortunately, the prisoner's mind contained nothing of use as it seemed to be stuck in a loop imagining his turning ten centuries ago. He'd been bitten after a ceremony while surrounded by his extended family, who cheered like spectators at a fight as he writhed on the floor, sobbing in agony. Sticking out of the ground on all sides of him were seven vampire blades. The original type of vampire blades, distinctive scent and all.

Irina and Kate leaned over to read the armbands. They said silly words like 'honor' and 'courage' and 'wrath.' Some men were an embarrassment to all of the rest of us. Idiots. Why couldn't they write something useful on them, like, 'I'm from Chicago.' Or 'My coven is coming to kill yours next Thursday? Want to play Parcheesi while we wait?' Kate and Irina untied the man and hid the rope in the underbrush. Peter slung the body over his shoulder and they headed for home.

I yelped when Rosalie turned to me and said, "Strip."

"I beg your pardon?"

She tossed me a gown and pointed at the MRI. "We're running an exam, and I don't have time to fight about it. Change and get on the table."

Fine. Whatever. But not in front of her. I moved to the other room. She kept her back to me the entire time.

Once my sister was done tormenting me to her satisfaction, I dressed. Rose and I grabbed the films to show Father. My dear little one's head would live to cogitate another day. And her heart showed no signs of damage, despite the fear she'd endured. She'd been very lucky.

Rosalie told Seth, "The tests show she will be fine. Due to her heart condition, we're going to have to keep her sedated until we have an idea of how she handles what happened tonight." My sister was astounding. She offered valid reasons to explain the invalid ones why I intended on keeping her sedated to the eyebrows around my family until I came up with a workable plan. No one had to be convinced that she'd endured a horrific ordeal. We told Seth, who called his parents to share the one bit of good news for the ghastly evening.

Speaking of parents, Emmett had texted all news of note to ours over the course of the evening. While waiting on my little Grandmaster's tests and watching her sleep, I had followed the activity at the house. I had never had a better reason than now. Her very scent, I mean life, I mean soul, was on the line.

Mother had moved to the kitchen to call Sue Clearwater to convey her sympathy. I had listened in on the conversation. Sue told Mother the valium she'd taken was the only thing keeping her able to speak. She was so angry at Sam Uley she feared she'd do violence to him herself. Harry sat in a corner holding Leah's hand. They had called Emily and Jennifer's parents, who were on their way to bury their only children. I did not envy Harry Clearwater the burden of his leadership or the ordeal he would have to face. The last thing Mrs. Whitelock had said to her sister before slamming down the phone was, "I left them in your care. Why did you let them out of your sight?" Sue told Mother Leah was still pregnant, much to our surprise. They were all holding a vigil for her and the child. Sam had been informed of the news through John, who had managed to form a tentative link with Paula.

From afar, Grace and I watched as the coroner collected the bodies of the girls with as much respect as he could. Old Man Yorkie and his family bowed their heads in silence as the stretchers carried away the remains of Emily and Jennifer Whitelock. Unfortunately so much damage had been done to their heads it would require DNA testing to match the appropriate one to the correct body. Their parents did not know about the whole werewolf business, so had been told the cover story.

Sue felt guilty because her sister couldn't keep a secret to save her life. There was no way she could ever let her know what truly had happened. And that made her feel unspeakably cruel. I shook my head at the dear grieving woman. She did not know 'unspeakably cruel.' I looked him in the mirror every morning.

I turned away from the activity at the Yorkie Festival and the Port Angeles Hospital to scanning the National Forest to see that Irina and the rest were on their way home, carrying their prize.

My dear little one would stay in my room as usual, I thought, as I climbed into the car. After tonight, I'm not letting her out of my sight ever again. Or my bed. I had to confess, I loved the feeling of her as she cuddled against me, to the bemusement of my family. She knew what I was and she_ still _wanted to touch me and whispered my name in a nice tone of voice. There was something fundamentally wrong with that picture. To me, that meant she really had hit her head awfully hard.

I heard my heart start to beat at that moment and thought in frustration, _"Oh now? Now he wants to talk? Argh!"_ as my lids closed and I fell into a dream clutching her to my chest like one of those cherished teddy bears. I fought the pull furiously, and finally succumbed after directing a charge of power at my singer that would keep her deeply asleep until I returned. I couldn't have those lips moving in front of my family. Not without me there. Not like that moving. Ew. I had standards when it came to kissing. There was no way in hell I'd do it in front of an audience.

I opened my eyes to find myself sitting on the cliff watching the purple and scarlet sunset with Hezekiah. He still wore his suit from his encounter with the Gorgon.

"Well, son you've had yourself quite a night. Might want to take some of those fancy shmancy anger management courses, you know." Hezekiah sounded like a Grandfather instructing a wayward relative. The only thing he didn't do was wag an index finger at me.

"They were going to kill her. Genevieve has been warning us about them for weeks. And I have no idea if _this_ was what she meant."

"Well, that's not what I meant, either. I agreed with what you did to those men. Quanah Parker is all excited about your brother Jasper, even if he is a white man, for his questioning technique. And he said he'd marry that Irina in a heartbeat if she wasn't a….vampire." He's crowing about the warrior children they could have had together. He shook his head chuckling, "But you still need to calm down. Your little missy needs you. Just look at what that poor Sam did to his family." Hezekiah sighed. "You need to see if you can test for that mutated gene to make sure none of the other wolves have it, Edward. If they do, you'll need to unmake them."

I regretted dearly ever listening to Harry Clearwater's plea to change Sam. I had greedily thought he'd be another large wolf. Harry, ironically, had simply wanted to keep him too busy to pester his daughter, who he hoped would get over her obsession with the man.

"Is that what you want me to do with Sam? Killing him would be a waste. Why not let him spend eternity reliving what he'd done?" I knew all about that kind of mental torture.

"Edward, remember how I told you some wolves if they did not want to continue being them when they were first made, could be unmade? When you unmake wolves it doesn't kill them. They just go back to normal."

"Oh."

"Larry and Ephraim are mighty torn up about the problem." His mournful face turned away from the purple sky, "The way imprinting works is that it only happens once. Sam will never do that to another woman. You need his ability to fight, provided John can control him. He clearly is not going to follow Paula. And you're going to have to keep Sam away from Seth."

"Noted."

"Have you learned any more about her pendant?"

"Aside from the fact that tonight when it glowed for a time, my powers didn't work on her? No, I'm afraid not." He fumed at me. "What? She wasn't speaking to me for the past three days. It's hard to question her when words refuse to depart from her lips," I said, exasperated. "Do you know what that pendant means?" I asked him, recalling his tendency to like surprising me. I had experienced entirely too many surprises for one decade, thank you very much.

"No, son. I know it's a thing of power."

How would an Irish family come to have it? They were not poor, but they were not rolling in wealth, either. From my understanding my own family had been well off financially, and I could never have envisioned them having jewelry that valuable, for that matter. "What else did you know about the O'Shea's?" I asked him.

"That would be telling…."

"I'm cross. Don't be difficult." Now that Eve's drink had worked, and had kept my bloodlust at bay even during the explosion of my temper, I knew I had the possibility of pursuing a kiss or three with my singer. I wanted to get this conversation over with so I could return to her side. And of course, I'd wait till she was no longer traumatized to try kissing her. I wasn't a beast. Sort of. I cringed at the memory of all but snorting her neck and tracing it with my closed lips. I should have been stronger. She must have been in shock.

"They kept to themselves. They were Irish and had a line of seers in their family."

"Of course, isn't that requisite for one of Irish descent, along with claiming to be distantly related to the King Brian Boru?"

"You might want to ask Grace what she knows."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, just because I wasn't paying attention, or alive, doesn't mean that she doesn't see. Grace is thousands of years old. She's been on the land all that time. Oh, and there's ah one other thing." He grew uncomfortable under my scrutiny shifting uneasily in his chair.

"Isn't there always?" I intoned graciously.

"The Committee thinks you need to return to the land, accompanied by your siblings and have a chat with them to find out what they really know about the groups of immortals they destroyed. And you definitely need to continue talking with Eve."

"Do you know for a fact that the Vancouver Coven destroyed them?"

"I was following you. So no. But it's the only thing that makes sense. And you need to find out about their deal with Liam."

"I agree."

"And you made a connection back there that I don't think you realized. You connected Young to Me Old Power with the Vancouver Coven. How did you make that leap in logic?"

"The tenor of her mind felt similar to the Other Immortals is the only thing I can tell you. Her accent also matched theirs perfectly."

"Well, that doesn't mean she's with them, you know? She could be from the same area, not the same clan."

"The Other Immortals, and Eve appears to be one of them had blades with the same design as the scars on my hands."

"Don't mean to be difficult, but you're walking around with those marks and borrowing their blades. Are you part of their clan?"

"Oh. I see."

And there's another thing. Those vampires must have spied on us a time too many. They're spirit walking using our techniques. You can follow them to find out where they are."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess they were too arrogant to think anyone would try. Now listen up."

Time passed in its own manner in Hezekiah land. We commiserated over Sam; he trained me on discipline and congratulated me on levitating for the first time. He made me practice on boulders. Despite the pain, it didn't seem that difficult.

"You're getting stronger every day, Edward. I can sense a big difference. And you owe Bella when she wakes up some kind of romantic evening. She's going to be mighty peeved if you don't, once she gets over the fear from killing that …..." he left the word unsaid. "And you're going to have to talk to your Pa about that treaty."

"Was Eve telling the truth?"

"I didn't follow Liam, so I don't know. Maybe. It sounds like him. She sure seemed torn up."

"You aren't going to tell me what to do about the Volturi, are you?"

"Those are your people, son. You know them better than I do."

"I can't let my family be executed."

"True."

"And turning her tonight would be murder."

"Also true."

"The Clearwaters just lost their nieces. Taking Bella on the same night might kill Harry."

"I don't disagree, Edward."

"The Vancouver coven says if I turn her they'll attack the family."

"I saw that. I'm mighty sorry to see you in a fix like this."

"What does the committee say?"

"Nothing that I think you need to hear."

"And Jenny?"

"She says you owe your little missy a romantic outing. Flowers, too. I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you can think a way out of this fix." I could only give her flowers if I was in one piece.

"Hezekiah, I don't know what to do," I sighed. Decision time was fast approaching. Once Father heard that she'd hit her head, he'd decide that was the way she'd died for the story given to the public. I could see it now fall apart. She'd never given any indication when we talked of wanting to be an immortal. Not that I wanted her to be one, regardless. But still. The idea of forcing that on her curdled the venom in me.

He patted my shoulder. "Edward?" I jumped three feet into the air. Hezekiah had vanished. In his place sat some Native American man wearing a turban and smoking a pipe. And it was _his_ hand on my shoulder.

"Where did Hezekiah go?"

"Nice to meet you, too, Edward. I'm Sequoyah." He had a deep rumbling voice and waved in greeting with his palm.

That was the chap who had invented the Cherokee alphabet. And he was on the committee. "Oh. Pleased to meet you."

"You told the spirits tonight that you would make any sacrifice in order to be able to run fast enough."

"That I did." I waited for the pain to start. "I felt the pain they gave me."

"That wasn't them. That was all you, son. We don't want to give you more pain. We think you've had enough for one evening."

"What do you want, then?" I looked at him suspiciously. He appeared far too commonsensical, which of course meant something ill this way scurried like a spider in the night.

"Power requires sacrifice." Ah, here we go.

"What kind of sacrifice in this case?"

He had no emotion on his face that I could discern, "Your girlfriend."

And then the weasel vanished. Just like that. Half-Priced Houdini. I started to search the area in earnest for the trace of his spirit. We needed to discuss this matter further. I saw him in the distance walking on the beach and ran at him.

Jasper's cautious hand on my shoulder woke me from my conversation about at the time when I planned on swearing up a storm at Sequoyah and pitching an epic tirade. My girlfriend. As if. He could take the blasted powers and stick it where the Pope….never mind. I didn't need…..we had the Volturi coming and they might kill my family. Father wanted to change her probably in the next five minutes and that most definitely would get my family killed. Drat. This required further consideration, and unfortunately, speaking more than ten words on my part. At this moment, my life, vampirically speaking, sucked.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**We began our chapter with the burgeoning Cullen clan giving an entirely new meaning to the concept of 'reality television,' in playing their own distinctive version of Serial Killer Survivor. The prisoners, I'm afraid earned the 'thumbs down' rating. The Party to Dominate Forks questioned the scumbag festival crashers and learned a thing or two before Edward, the party-pooper, dropped by and made everyone vanish. Just when things were getting interesting, he goes all diva on us and made the prisoners feel like they wanted the earth to open up at their feet and swallow them. *Sigh.* He's getting almost as snotty as Young to Me Old Power and her not so precious Mother.**

**One thing they did manage to learn was that either Angela Webber or Bella Swan gives entirely new meaning to the term 'special one.' Tanya, her sisters, and Jasper give us a jaunt down memory lane on super secret vampire code phrases from days gone by. *getting misty-eyed here* *sniff***

**Carlisle and Esme, acting on a plan to save the family's hide, cheerily sit home while their children frolic with felons and plot murder of their own. Metaphorically speaking, they have their eyes set on Bella's heart.**

**To keep his family ignorant, Edward uses his Quileute power to sedate his overly-talkative in all the wrong law-breaking ways singer. The Committee to Dominate Forks found another group of immortals who stormed the National Forest to micromanage the prisoners and once again, those sneaky Vancouver bastards beat them to the punch. Offering a sweetly worded note, they were kind enough to leave one splayed and stiff in all the wrong ways. Tacky jewelry, too. And an original formula vampire sword or seven.**

**Edward has a lecture, I mean conversation with Hezekiah on anger management and is given another assignment by the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes. And Sequoyah appears to give him a pop quiz.**

**Now Edward sits in his car in the front of his house, holding his singer, trying to weasel his way out of telling the truth, much less speaking. Good luck on that one, sparky. Much more fun is up ahead. Remember to fasten your seat belts. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Sequoyah is credited with inventing the Cherokee language. And he really did wear a turban. I left a link to his portrait on my profile. See? **

**I had fun researching the transmission of noise in the outdoors. Predicting Outdoor Sound**** by Keith Attenborough, Kai Ming Li, Kirill Horoshenkov was helpful in explaining the role of trees in muffling sound waves for that interrogation scene.**

**Mark Knapp writes a nifty book on Deception. **

**If you want to brush up on your philosophy, I highly recommend The Cardinal Virtues: Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance by Saint Thomas Aquinas.**

**Stay tuned for the next episode of As the Human Turns. **

**Please review, Starched Shirt Edward is lonely. **


	42. HOD pt 31 Fourteen Kinds of Fked Up

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended nor will I ever make a dime off of this story. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

*****I said it last chapter and the one before. It bears repeating, this section of the story will earn its NC-17 rating.******

Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta.

And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills.

I continue to post this story because of the feedback I receive. And you all are my muses. Many thanks: June, oncebitten, twibrarian88, pclo, kaydence, Fitten, Fleuritup, Duckiclover, blues chicka, writz, Rgwmnks, bellas-evil-twin101, Miss Poison, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, antipyro, dmnsqrl, Nyaris, Rogue, BellaS, stbreakingdawn, nothing2do, mommakat, twifam1, Ksangi, Cullen Concession, tazz, MsLessa, Merrisol, Cullen Historian, sariedee, dellatwi, jaiiamays, fanficreader83, Sheeijan, Squarepanckae, Elphabacy35, sexysadie13, fangrl, austexfan, mizra, Forest Sentry Koneji, prettyflour, Viridis73, ldybnny, CindyWindy, Mutt N. Feathers, Codelina, Emeraldshay, luv4edwardcullen, Pamela J. Austin, Kymbalie, and Cullen Pearl.

Thanks so much for reading!

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight – Part Thirty-One: Fourteen Kinds of Fucked Up**

**Snarky Summary:**

**Let's get things started with the things you need to know from previous chapters. In a safe deposit box Liam left a picture with a drawing of a human blood dependent immortal Edward nicknamed 'Skeevy.' He also left paper that had numbers written in lemon juice. The Cullens have been trying to understand the meaning of those disconcerting digits ever since. They look like bank account numbers. And Liam thus far, has kept them guessing. Miserable Mountebank.**

**Charlie has been letting Bella stay with the Cullens due to that pesky asthma she's had trouble with and the fact that his daughter is so angry with him they barely speak. He had a rather um, memorable visit to the Cullens a few days ago where he walked in on Edward in the bathroom. Edward would like you to know that he was naked for moral purposes only, minding his own business, and had both hands on the soap. And he doesn't mean to brag...but he has better hygiene than Charles Swan. He's awfully prissy for someone who never gives a shit.**

**Edward likes to go to Mount Meany and hang out with a Douglas squirrel that he has, in a burst of inspiration, named, 'Douglas.' Ksangi, reviewer with a sense of humor every bit as twisted as mine, believes that Douglas should be re-named "Douglas the Destroyer" as he is the secret evil mastermind of the entire story. Douglas would like Ksangi and everyone else to know that it is ever so difficult sharing scenes with Edward because the diva keeps stealing them from him. He has Edward's nuts at present in his little claws and does not plan on giving them back any time soon. He likes how they taste. And he's hungry. And Edward freely offered them. Take that, Laurent. Besides, they are plentiful and he needs both hands to eat them.**

**So when we last left our anti-hero, he sat in front of the Cullen mansion like a trapped rat, holding his singer, I mean glowing in all the wrong ways girlfriend. My bad. And he's found himself in a socially awkward position. Life is just so unfair seeing as there's no Miss Manners for the Vampire World to aid Main Edward. There's this group of Italian fussbudgets who have these Vampire Golden Rules that he's recently violated. By law he's supposed to be sucking on Bella's, ahem... Neck...that's the ticket... right the frak now, drooling venom galore. But if he does that, then not only will**_**she**_**be dead, which would distress him. And her. But she'll also not be as aromatic. Tanya said so. And we all know (repeat after me) "If Tanya says it, it must be true." Edward cannot abandon his singer. Who would snort, I mean sniff her? Or collect her drool samples? He has needs.**

**If he caves and turns her, the Vancouver coven claims he'll be in violation of section 2.115 of article B of the Treaty Between Liam and the Vancouver Sludge Suckers Coven. So there. In addition to siccing neck-picky bureaucrats on his family, so says Eve, they'd have to kill them all. Pity. That. The Treaty Says So. In section 2.116 article D. In the immortal words of reviewer extraordinaire Merrisol, Edward is "fourteen kinds of fucked up," (Hence, she gets credit for the chapter title.). Forest Sentry Koneji, yet another sage reviewer, pointed out that Edward had a "deadly chain of events twined around his neck." It's about ready to go boom.**

**Edward had a rather pointed conversation with the serial killers that, alas, did not end well. He wants a refund. Or a do-over or ninety. Breaking every bone in Percy's body was not enough to sate his wrath. Out of the three separate packs of immortals that were gadding about the Olympic National Forest and Park last night, only one hung around for questioning when all was said and done. And he's rather uncommunicative. No matter how hard the Cullens try. Or Jasper scares him. This guy has lips of steel. But he came with interesting accessories and vampire marketed weaponry that kind of sort of smelled. Won't**_**that**_**be barrels of fun to explain when the Volturi show up for dinner? Hmmm? "Oh, I was minding my own beeswax when I found these in the forest. Seriously." *blinks***

**Sam Uley imprinted on Emily and during a fight fursploded and accidentally killed both Emily and Jennifer Whitelock, while purposely trying to kill Leah, the mother of his unborn child and woman who wore his engagement ring. Sam is in a new level of hell as he struggles to comprehend what happened and why. He also seriously wounded Leah, who is in surgery. The pack has a new alpha in the form of John Quill.**

**To prevent his family from finding out about those pesky violation of the Volturi Commandments on his part, Edward used his Quileute gift to convince his family that Bella was drugged to the eyeballs, which she actually was, and kept her asleep. Sequoyah, a member of Edward's Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes told Edward that he had to make a sacrifice. One that Edward took exception to and attempted to negotiate before being awakened inconveniently, might he add, by his emo-brother Jasper.**

**Carlisle had a wake-up and smell the vampire blades call from Aro not long ago that made him realize the Cullen coven might possibly be under suspicion for breaking the Volturi law(s). Alec and Jane, plan on visiting. Soon. If they show up at the house, seeing as it reeks of unregistered werewolf when the breeze flows the wrong way from the cottages that would be all kinds of embarrassing to Esme. She prides herself on having an immaculate home (thanks to the hard work of Emmett and Jasper - don't think they aren't still being punished by her for their first practical joke). But it would distress Carlisle as it would reveal yet another law violation on the part of the Cullen Coven. The Volturi don't strike me as being swayed by "the spirit of the law" arguments. You? Calisle plans on leaping on Bella the first chance he gets, in a purely non-sexual vampire paternal sense, and turning her. And Edward knows it he just can't admit it since he's hidden his range of powers from his family for spying purposes and all. Whoops. Awkward.**

**Edward's siblings have seen him for the first time in action as a lethal force and they are all kinds of upset (freaked the Hades out) about it. This could threaten that perfect vampire child image he's worked to perfection for 75 years. His siblings do NOT know about his rebellious period in Chicago - thinking that he's never killed a single human. Edward would rather keep it that way. And he's worried, genuinely so, that his father and mother might feel forced to share his past with the family, given he's a newborn wolf-pyre and all. If that happens, Edward fears his family might ask him to leave. He did kill people. And he did inconvenience them by taking the men's lives before Jasper could learn more information from them. Edward is a basket case. Scratch that. He makes a basket case look stable.**

**And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Thirty-One - Fourteen Kinds of Fucked Up**

When we had been at the hospital, Rosalie had changed my dear little algae lover into a hospital gown for the tests we had run. I had turned my back during the process. Mary Alice had entered the room to assist. Both women gasped.

Using Grace's aid, I kept my back to them but observed - purely for the sake of my singer. And my sisters. Mary Alice had found the trout lily that I had given my girlfriend. She had stuffed it in between, ahem. Well. My girlfriend had. Not Mary Alice.

Rosalie sniped, "Edward, do I want to know why she stuffed a flower in her cleavage?"

Timidly I answered, "Rose, she's drugged on GHB. Do you honestly think I can answer that?"

Once those tests had been completed, she and Mary Alice fetched a spare set of clothes that Mother had insisted we keep in Father's office, seeing as my girlfriend should have the equivalent of frequent flier miles in terms of trips to the emergency room. We'd simply wrapped her in a blanket for the trip home.

I told Jugurtha, "Please make a note that we need to carry at least two sets of clothing for our girlfriend in the car and at Father's office. More importantly, we forgot to include a coat."

He scribbled notes. "How about layers? And she could use gloves and a hat. The face and upper chest area are five times as sensitive to alterations in temperature."

"Excellent idea."

"I'll see what I can find online." He reached out with a large hand to Starched Shirt Edward and said, "Come, we must select proper attire for our dear little one."

"Really?" His face beamed as he liked this job, and then became severe, "None of the Victoria's Secret nonsense."

"So you want her prancing about without proper support and undergarments? Think of her breast tissue." Jugurtha appeared the very picture of reason.

The word 'breast' caused Starched Shirt Edward to fan himself, and pull on his collar.

"What does..._that_...have to do with anything?" Starched Shirt Edward squeaked, reddened features squinting in confusion.

"The reason we buy those undergarments for her is to preserve her Cooper's ligaments and keep from tearing breast tissue. It is for her health," Jugurtha lectured.

"Tear?" Starched Shirt Edward sounded appalled.

"Tear," Jugurtha answered.

In horror, he whispered, "Would she bleed?" Starched Shirt Edward said staring down at my little algae lover.

"Oh no. What would happen would be even worse," Jugurtha prognosticated; putting his arm around Starched Shirt Edward, and pulling him against his side like one would a good friend or younger sibling.

"What?" Starched Shirt Edward blanched and bit his nails.

Jugurtha gently took Starched Shirt Edward's hand from his mouth with a firm, "Stop that. It's unhealthy."

"I'm worried about our bride, what would happen that is even worse?"

"She would sag."

Starched Shirt Edward jumped as if poked with a cattle prod and shouted, "We are buying her proper undergarments immediately. Onward to Victoria's Secret! Our dear little peach will never be without one of those garments again!"

Jugurtha said to me, "Once he's been bitten by the lingerie shopping bug he's going to be an absolute monster. Oh, you might want to pay attention to our vampire family now. It's show time."

The frigid rain cascaded in sheets, like waves of enemy arrows in battle, making visibility by human standards difficult. Mary Alice and I had put my raincoat back on my battered little bottle cap and had wrapped her in a blanket for the trip home. The car negotiated the soggy streets in the capable hands of my sister, as Rosalie and I sat in the back of the car huddled over my girlfriend. Watching and listening to her heart beat like stalking prey. Only on the attention part, that is. None of that biting business.

Even I could not run fast enough to keep her dry in that torrential downpour. In the fury of the storm that had gained power as we approached the mansion, she was going to get soaked no matter what. I again cursed under my breath my ineptitude in not having an umbrella handy.

Jugurtha said, "She's been hounded by serial killers, concussed by a tree, and you're fretting over her getting wet for a few moments? Prioritize Mr. doctor twice over professional. We need to have a plan for what to say to our family." He whispered in my ear. That might work.

Jasper opened the driver's door for his wife. Turning to me, as she swung her legs from the floor to the doorway's ledge, Mary Alice saw me glaring at the water and said, "We do have an umbrella in the glove compartment. I put one there a few days ago. It's raining so hard it would break it, anyway. Let's move her into the house and in dry clothes, shall we?"

I couldn't have agreed more. And less. Emmett appeared before my window and opened the door, worried about both me and my girlfriend. Thanking him in clipped tones, I exited the Volvo. Emmett held out his hand to assist his mate in standing and shut the car door. I ran toward the house like a guilty man facing the plank on a pirate ship, as my large brother loomed behind me, poking me between the shoulder blades with the dagger of his concern. Jugurtha said I had to project calm despite that whole being in pain issue.

For some odd reason the water hitting me evoked the memory of being in church all those years ago - one of my precious human memories I retained. I remembered being so focused on praying that I could not see my human Parents out of my peripheral vision, although I felt them at my side. I couldn't see anything at first, because my eyes had been shut as my lips moved in prayer. When I completed my favorite psalm, I opened them to stare at the black shoulders of the men kneeling on the pews in front of me. My family and I sat in the middle of the cathedral so there seemed to be endless rows of penitents between me and the altar. The women wore colorful wool hats that stood out like Easter eggs in a sea of black and gray. And I recalled Father O'Connell walking down the aisle with the bronze aspersorium held in his large hands, trailed by altar boys. As he moved, he dipped the wand into a bronze bucket and flung it out towards the parishioners, sprinkling us with holy water. I still remember starting in surprise as I made the sign of the cross when the sanctified drops hit my flesh, even though I had seen them coming.

I no longer was that innocent boy who had stared with reverence at the tabernacle, fretting about the state of my spiritual life. Instead, I was the mass murderer with the charred soul, who had returned to his old pastime. For moral purposes, of course. Baptized by unholy rain that speared with icy tips as it lashed against me, like all those years ago in my human life, I felt surprised that it had come to this. After all, my crown of secrets had been mine alone to bear. And the whimsy of the world was about to bring it all down upon my shoulders. Hers, too.

I decided it was another time for a silent lecture of my girlfriend. She would listen better unconscious anyhow.

_"So let's see if I have this straight. Your werewolf dating Father, who occasionally lusts after me, went stomping about the forest tonight after me and mine armed with more than his stupidity. Instead of a normal first date doing something mundane like walking through crowds of humans at a festival and throwing baseballs to earn you a stuffed animal, we instead have you chased by rude paparazzi serial killers. And you now have another coven aside from mine claiming rights to your life. You really do know how to show a man a good time. One thing I can most definitely swear is that I'll never be bored around you."_

In response to my tirade, she snored. Briefly, I weighed whether I should simply dash for the car, get behind the wheel, and drive away with her in the front passenger seat. And I struggled to master the shame that having the very idea brought me. If I walked into that house, my Father would try to kill my girlfriend, whose life I had almost lost hours ago. Every fiber of my being kept my feet glued to the floor of the car. If I did _not_ enter the house, my entire family would die. Most likely soon.

Intellectually, I rolled those thoughts around, bound and determined to present a muted countenance to my relations. Especially Jasper. He'd been bombarded enough from my unbridled emotions this eve for a decade or five. The only thing that I could find within myself to regret about killing those men was that I had acted so violently in front of the women in my family. And that I could not kill them again. The men, that is. Not the women in my family. I had manners. Sometimes.

Speaking of women, I used my Quileute power to keep mine sleeping despite the rain. I definitely did not want her awake for the conversation I suspected my family and I'd be having. Considering all the breaking Volturi rules hell she'd unleashed on me in a simple twenty minutes, I cowered at the thought of what she might chirp to the family if she woke and had hours of time. So I dosed her again. Just in case. Loose lips sink singers. Real Girlfriends, too. And if she had known all along that I was an immortal, that meant she was either fiendishly insane or had the survival instinct of Mike Newton to willingly consort with me and mine.

And she had said I mattered. _Me._ She only knew the Pretend Me. But I'd willingly take his scraps for as long as I could hold her regard.

Rosalie examined us as we approached the house, and noticed my girlfriend did not so much as twitch despite being soaked. _"Edward, are you keeping her asleep?"_

I knew she'd figure that out, so might as well confess. Considering she had a concussion, medically, it was not the appropriate thing to do. So I simply said nothing.

_"She has a concussion. The drugs should be wearing off by now."_

In Tagish, the dialect of the Southern Yukon I asked, "With all she's endured this evening, do you think she is in any condition to learn about Leah, Jennifer, and Emily, considering her heart? Or to be questioned by Jasper and Father?"

That face she used when criticizing others morphed into her professional psychiatrist one, _"You're right. I apologize. We'll have to keep a close eye on her. But Edward, she's going to have to learn sooner or later. And the longer you keep it from her, the more upset she'll be."_

While we had been occupied at the hospital testing my girlfriend and me, the rest of the immortals had been scouring the forest and Port Angeles for clues. The hotel rooms the men had occupied had been pig sties, so said Peter, an assertion fervently seconded by his mate. He had found a suitcase stuffed with poorly forged identification cards for all of the men. Three different sets for each one. Jasper commented on the lack of professional quality. His search for the forger revealed a dead human in Modesto, California. He'd died in a spectacular house fire sparked by his gas water heater. Three days ago.

Mother's frightened face examined us all for injuries when we trudged through the doorway, dripping water and mud everywhere. "Oh my Lord, children!" She had a horrified expression as she took in the sight of me glowing with a heartbeat holding my still shielded and sleeping girlfriend along with the rest of my sodden siblings. The boards creaked as we dribbled rainwater all over Mother's polished floor. Rosalie took the now dripping wet blanket and unraveled it from my girlfriend's body like a winding sheet, as I awkwardly tried to keep my dear little one secure in my arms. We moved to the mudroom off to the left. I handed my girlfriend to Rosalie to remove my shoes and socks, before taking her back into my arms. Her absence of those few seconds burned at me. I could never let her go.

Kate, Irina, and the newborns had arrived earlier and had briefed our Parents on the entire evening, their version of it, anyway. Father had examined the frozen immortal and had waited for me to come to offer my opinion. Jasper could not sense any emotion from the man save, hurt and fear. The wolves had gone off to discuss what to do about Sam.

Trembling in dread, I held my little algae lover out to Carlisle like an offering to a stern god. "She hit her head. I did not arrive fast enough to stop it. We ran tests at the Forks hospital."

He had never looked more like a fallen angel. Father blocked his thoughts and made no move toward her. I did not have to feign being too worried by her condition to pay attention to his actions. His face was troubled. I couldn't see him pouncing on her and sinking his teeth into her without at least commenting, so fought to work my courage up to tell him about that 'no biting' clause from the Vancouver coven. Somehow I didn't think, "By the way, despite the fact that she's totally known about us since she was seven, if you bite her, we'll all die anyway," would be well received.

Buying me a moment to think, Emmett said, "Carlisle, I think this was what Bella's Grandma Genevieve had been warning us about."

"Why would you say that?" He asked, running through a quick examination of her, staring at the chart Rosalie and I had made with her vitals and test results.

"The Yorkie family grows the same variety of apples that Genevieve showed us in the vision, Bella's identification card was stolen by the men, and she and Angela were chased across an orchard that had a large oak tree in the center. I have to give her credit; Mrs. Swan has her own twisted logic. We had both mortals and immortals in the forest tonight. Since the Vancouver coven killed two groups of them, we don't know if they were human blood dependent or if they lived off the algae. The two that Tanya and the wolves killed had maroon eyes. And then there's this." Jasper showed him a picture he'd snapped using the night vision camera we'd appropriated from one of the bodies.

Father said, "What an odd design. Gentlemen, I'm having trouble understanding what happened to the men you questioned."

"They are dead and buried where no human will ever find them." Jasper replied with a decidedly satisfied tone in his voice.

"I understand that Jasper. How did you hide the bodies so fast? Edward?" Father and the rest turned to me.

"I don't know."

Emmett treaded cautiously, "Um, Edward, since you did it, you kinda have to know."

"When I use the powers, I have to request the aid from the Quileute spirits. Sometimes others answer as well. They lend me their strength. The Gorgon's daughter was one of them."

Jasper said, "What do you mean by lending strength?"

I hated this explaining business. Being the focus of attention made me want to hop from foot to foot or scurry from the room. Perhaps both. Clearing my throat, I said haltingly, "I suppose it's the spiritual equivalent of me asking you two to help me push a car up a hill. The only difference is that after the spirits lend me strength, part of it becomes mine if I am strong enough to tolerate it in my system."

Rosalie, ever so practical asked, "How is that not being possessed?"

"Hezekiah says that the spirits can't force me to act against my free will with the powers. And they don't hang around in my thoughts afterwards."

"I see. But this one you call Young to Me Old Power, who is the Gorgon's daughter, you saw her, though, and she is not Quileute, correct?"

"Yes, but I only saw her from behind. I did not see her features. And it was in a vision."

"So how do you know she is not a Quileute spirit?"

"Hezekiah does not claim her as part of the tribe, nor does Miss Grace. To the best of my knowledge she is immortal like us. She thinks in Oscan, although her accent is off. Her spirit was there tonight. And she is powerful."

"Like her Mother?"

"More, I suspect."

"So she was responsible for the bodies sinking?" Mary Alice asked.

"She and another old power aided me in addition to the Quileute spirits, and it felt like it overcharged my system."

"Why would you say that, son?" Father asked.

"When I accepted their strength, I remember this pulse becoming trapped within me and the next minute or so is a complete blank."

Rosalie said to Father, "He bled from his nose, and ears, the ground shook, cracked, swallowed the corpses, and sealed as if nothing had ever moved. Then he passed out face first."

Father drolled, "Is that all?"

Mother had her hand over her mouth, definitely unhappy. "Why didn't you catch your brother?"

Mary Alice said, "Sorry, Edward." To our Parents she claimed, "Honestly, we were all so shocked we stood there gaping like baby birds."

I never noticed the scrollwork in the carpet. It was unique. And far better to study than my family's faces. Their thoughts were bad enough. So I scrutinized my girlfriend. Even sleeping, she looked exhausted with shadows under her eyes. Father had not shared his and Mother's plan with my siblings. And my Parents were careful to confine their perceptions to the immediate conversation. Carmen and Eleazar knew and thought they were out of range from my gift.

"Edward, can you explain what happened with the gyrfalcon?" Mother asked.

"It leapt from her flesh when she fled and attacked one of the men. The bird eviscerated him. Then sat on his corpse guarding it."

"How? And why only one when there were so many attackers?"

"I wish I knew," I breathed.

Father said, "I think that after we examine Bella, we will be examining you as well." He had that overly optimistic voice he uses when he had to give bad news.

Rosalie said, "I already made him do an MRI. I have the results here," she handed them to Father. I avoided grousing. Just. "I think you'll find them interesting." Great. Now the world would really know I was some kind of deficient immortal. Father glanced at the films. And frowned.

Sensing my discomfort, my sister came to the rescue. The other one. "We have another problem," Mary Alice said, "We are going to have to keep a closer eye on the pack. They have a new alpha. John Quill."

I stared at the ground, castigating myself because my powers had not been strong enough when it had really mattered. I should not have let them fight that close to crowds of mortals. They were too young to be around humans. Vampires? Fine. We could protect ourselves. But innocent humans? And despite telling Paula, I had never warned the pack about imprinting because Hezekiah had said it had only happened once in the tribe's history.

Carlisle said, "Edward, can you tell us what happened? I know you have a mental link to Paula."

"Hezekiah claimed there was a defective gene that caused a wolf to fixate on a female after they phased into human form. He said it had happened only once in the tribe's history. Billy Black has been under the delusion that Jacob carries that gene, and that is how he would fall in love with Bella."

"So the tribe knows about it?"

"No. Billy learned it from an elder and he never shared that knowledge with anyone. Other than Paula and me, no one knew."

"What happened in the story Hezekiah told you?"

"The wolf imprinted on a married woman, who refused his suit, and died by his hand. When he realized what he had done, he un-phased and from all accounts went insane before being killed. It happened hundreds of years ago. Apparently, Sam has that genetic flaw."

I had managed to unwind the memory of the event from the stored tribal knowledge while at the hospital, not in time to be of any use.

"Aside from testing the entire tribe for it, there's nothing we can do about it at present. Did Paula arrange for a wolf sighting?" Father's voice sounded clinical. Practical. His face showed his distress, however.

"Already handled by Tanya, the rest of the pack, and Paula. We're going to have to separate Seth and Sam." Jasper said.

I extended my senses out to the pack to check on their welfare. Paula had completed a teleconference with the tribal elders, who unanimously blamed Sam. They planned to have a meeting the next night to discuss his punishment.

Through our link, I told Paula, _"Sam could never have known he would do this."_

She thought back to me, _"Agreed. But two girls died. They're going to look for someone to scapegoat. How is Seth?"_

_"Father had him sleep in Emmett and Rosalie's room. We're going to keep him separated from Sam."_

_"If Sam touches my son, I'll kill him myself," _she spat.

_"You constructed very strong rings around Seth. Sam will never lay a claw on him."_

_"Good. I'm so angry at him I don't think I'm capable of speaking to him tonight."_

_"John has handled it."_ I said thinking of the discussion that John had with the shaken young man.

_"Better him than me."_

_"Sam has to live the rest of his life knowing . . . You couldn't punish him more if you tried. We need him as a wolf right now."_

Paula agreed. Gently she said, _"You did the right thing tonight. We could not let them live after they saw us."_

A memory from Sam's conversation with John Quill popped into my conscience, unwelcomed. Sam had explained what he had felt right before he'd attacked the girls. John listened in silence. Sam said, "I remember the scars you showed us from the attack. Were you ever able to forgive your brother?"

John answered in a gravely voice after a long pause and clearing his throat, "The story that has been passed down in the tribe about that night was censored. You were told he went insane and killed my family.

"Isn't that what happened?"

"No. He phased for the first time in front of my family. Back then, they did not tell candidates that they were going to become wolves. They did the ceremony on them when they were drugged and the family waited to see if they would phase. It was considered shameful if you could not phase. My brother phased in front of the family for the first time when he was irrationally angry and accidentally killed them. It was what he did next that I had a hard time forgiving."

"What?" Sam was distracted by the need for a story worse than his own.

"He decided to frame the Cullens. He had heard Gregory Clearwater claim the Cullens ate human flesh and blood. So he chewed on the bodies of my family. I was the only one who was spared."

"Jesus Christ man. I'm sorry. That's fucked up."

"He lost his sanity that night. Then Gregory Clearwater murdered him. I have few memories of Lee because I was so young. But when people did talk of him they told me how good he was with me. I don't think I forgave him in my heart until the night I first phased. Because I understood then how terrified he must have been."

Sam said, "Leah will never forgive me."

John stared into the night. There really was nothing he could say that was the truth.

Father called out to me, tapping my forearm to regain my attention. He had not wanted to startle me, as I had been holding my girlfriend the entire time.

"Rosalie why don't you join us? Edward, let's take her into your bedroom and examine her shall we?" We walked up the staircase, Rosalie and Father shadowing me in case I dropped either my girlfriend or myself, apparently. My siblings changed clothing at vampire speed.

Carrying a fresh set of undergarments and a nightgown she had purchased for my girlfriend and had not had time to store in the drawers I'd cleared out for her in my dresser, Mother returned to the room.

With shaking hands, I laid my dear little one on the bed. Rosalie and Mother stripped her down to her undergarments. We had collected her wet clothing from the floor of the hospital and had put it in a plastic bag.

I tossed the soggy contents in a pile in the bathroom. I turned the boyfriend part of my brain off and let the doctor take over. Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha Predator knew better than to peek and were locked in the library praying the rosary together. And examining catalogs, too.

Rosalie traced the pattern of deep bruising that had started on my girlfriend's right leg. Fortunately, she had not torn any ligaments or sprained anything while running and falling. She had managed to bruise her poor ribs again. Thanks to my rush when I had snatched her and Angela, I had inflicted some of those that were forming around her chest and back, I cringed. The gyrfalcons glared at me, accusingly. The dark purple bruise on her leg where she'd fallen was definitely going to hurt.

Acting the role of the gentleman I was not, I turned my back as she and Rosalie removed the last bit of my dear little one's clothing and redressed her in a nightgown and undergarment. When they were done, I lifted her in my arms as Rosalie pulled back the covers.

Mother took the wet clothing to the bathroom and returned with three thick bath towels. Taking one and folding it in half, she laid it across the pillow as I placed my girlfriend on the bed and covered her. Mother put the other two towels on the table by the bed. We left her sound asleep after I sent another blast of power at her and met downstairs in the dining room. I noticed her necklace started glowing as I left the room. No one knocked at the door of her soul, so I felt safe leaving her for a much needed conference. Grace promised to guard her.

When I went downstairs, Father and Rosalie asked to see me in his medical room. The rest of the family, save Mother, left the area to offer us privacy. Rosalie showed me the film that I had not wanted to examine of my brain.

"Edward, do you see what these powers are doing to you?"

"Yes."

"Can you learn how to control them so this does not continue?"

"I don't know. Now I understand why my head hurts so much."

Father said, "Son, I've seen damage like this in victims of head-on automobile collisions. Ones that did not wake up."

I gulped and said, "But I heal back every day."

Rosalie said, "That's until you have to use the power again and it starts all over, doesn't it?"

I muttered, "I have no choice, Rose."

She grumbled, "I know, Edward. I know," and patted my arm tentatively.

Father said, "Edward, until we are sure you have mastered your new gifts, I'm going to insist on regular MRI's. And I need you to record your symptoms. Rosalie, let's experiment with the dosage of painkiller and feed him some blood. Double it."

Without complaint, I swallowed the dose of deer blood and painkiller.

Father texted Jasper and the rest of the family returned to see what I could detect from the sole surviving immortal.

Upon examination, the frozen like a human treat immortal appeared to be a veteran fighter. He had venom scars that Eleazar said indicated he'd been stabbed with a venom blade. At his temple was a raised pair of thunder bolts. He was about five foot two, and stocky with black long hair that reached his shoulders and a full beard. And he had so much body hair that it could be labeled a pelt. Even on his back.

Father asked, "Can you tell me what his thoughts are?"

I answered despondently, "They are not of much use to us. He is reliving a ceremony that happened at the time of his change and the first half hour of his transition again and again. His family is there and they are all speaking Greek."

Emmett asked, "How old are we talking."

"Quite, I can only guess at his age by some of the words they use since I've never been around an old Greek vampire. I think he's over a thousand years old."

Jasper said, "That would explain the emotions I read from him."

Father said, "Do you see any variation in his thought pattern?"

"No, down to the second, it is the exact same scene over and over."

Father sighed, "I ran a test on his venom. The Vancouver Coven has designed a new type of poison. I doubt he will ever recover."

Jasper said, "Can we replicate it?"

Emmett answered, "Already working on it, and so far, so good," he whistled happily, and then stopped, realizing how out of place that was with a nervous glance at me.

Waiting for judgment like a penitent before my Parents surrounded by my stupefied siblings, cousins, and frightened into semi-intelligence newborns, I finally managed to make everyone speechless again as they remembered my rage.

Father girded himself to speak. I leaned against the wall; arms crossed, and studied the scratches on the wood floor. Hezekiah's staff was at my feet. I picked it up, and asked the spirits to aid me before he could begin. Jugurtha had planned it this way.

I first shared with my family the images taken from the men's minds of their last kill in Virginia of the FBI agent's poor child. Then I moved to their intentions and feelings of excitement as they drugged and stalked the girls through the forest. I showed them how I had attacked the mob, snatching both girls in the dark, and running away into the night. I might possibly have conveniently left out that entire section with my singer telling me she knew my secret. They didn't need to know that right now.

To distract them from worrying about that, as the coup de grace, I shared the thoughts that had spurred my fury toward the last ringleader. He had fantasized about finding my poor human alone at home during the next day - and the indescribably violent content of the vision filled with her bleeding battered body. I recounted her shrieks of agony and the pleading for her life that had fueled my fury as he and his imaginary men took turns killing her. They had invented a Mother and Father and siblings that didn't exist and took turns with them as well. Percy planned on filming and laughing as one by one they sent the imagined Swan family to their painful deaths forcing the other cowering members to participate and watch. They saved my girlfriend for last. And then they went to the Webbers for seconds. And what he did to the twin boys with a carving knife...

Rosalie ran to the sink and vomited blood and algae. Jasper managed to hold onto his gorge, having seen his fair share of murder. Mary Alice's face, admirably, remained still. My Parents were aghast. I had never seen Carlisle so upset. Taking a few calming breaths, he waited to gather his emotions into a more serene place. And both now completely understood why I had lost my temper. The newborns wept. Laurent looked green around the gills. Eleazar burned with rage, and the Denali women had carefully expressionless faces. Peter and Charlotte, like Jasper remained composed.

Father said, "You must have been devastated to see that, son. Is that why you killed them?"

In an eerily calm voice from Mother's point of view, I replied, "They were mine to kill when they had threatened what was mine by right." And I reminded myself I had not killed for enjoyment. I hadn't found a second of the fight "fun". I didn't tell him of the ecstasy I had felt; "fun" was too mild a word, at seeing these men who had planned to harm my girlfriend dead.

Father said, "What you did was in defense of innocent human life, Edward. And I am impressed with you all that you maintained your discipline. Before we discuss this further, we have an urgent matter that has developed. Aro called, and Jane and Alec are on their way. I expect they will arrive within the next few days."

We all looked to Mary Alice.

"Don't look at me, I don't know them, so I can't read them on command. I haven't had a vision of them arriving, but lately that does not mean that they won't. And I certainly haven't seen any of us dying." she grumbled that last part.

"They wiped out the Cincinnati coven when they learned that one of the members was dating a human who understood her true nature. Edward, we're going to have to turn Bella before Jane and Alec arrive. I cannot rule out that Aro was giving us a warning because he knew what they would find."

The words "special one" raced through my mind. How would Aro know about me and my girlfriend? It's not like he and the Gorgon were on speaking terms. Nor were there other immortals in the area that could tattle. Father was over-reacting.

"I had a conversation with Eve earlier and she asked me to convey a message." I did not have to pretend to be nervous.

"Yes, dear?" Mother encouraged.

"The Vancouver coven made a treaty with Liam. Eve said that if we turned Bella, they would kill us."

Father grimaced, "This is the first time I've heard of this. But they are a secretive lot."

Mother said, "We're going to have to come up with a plan. Why don't we just leave and take her?"

Jasper answered, "Because it won't stop whatever is coming after her and we are better off dealing with this threat on ground that we know." He turned to me, "Why would they honor a treaty with Liam? He's dead."

Someone forgot to tell him that. Liam, I mean.

"Liam and Eve were together for forty years. Then she met her mate. Liam died a month later. From what I can tell, he willingly went to his death believing he was saving Bella, and giving Eve a chance at a life with her mate. And Eve tried to turn him and failed." My family winced. "It could be guilt that motivates Eve. Or honor. I don't know. Her mind did not offer any useful clues, beyond that she meant what she said, and his death devastated her."

Mary Alice said, "These are people who buried evidence in their graves. They thought ahead to a certain extent, albeit crudely. Liam must have had some kind of leverage, and the only thing that to me makes sense is he threatened their food supply."

Emmett said, "We could probably take them with our numbers. You said they had about twenty members. With the wolves we outnumber them."

That theory worked for me. "The food supply has been shrinking of late, from what my research shows. And I cannot determine the answer. It would be just like Liam to design it to stop working at a certain date." The man was crazy as a loon. Smart, too.

Father said, "Edward, take her from here tonight. Don't tell us where you are going. I'll contact you when it is safe to return. We will handle Alec and Jane. I don't think the Vancouver coven will attack us if they know we've been warned. They have no way of knowing that we considered turning her tonight."

"What will you tell Jane and Alec?"

Tanya said, "I'll think up something appropriate to distract them. I'm on it. I saw the council kill my Mother. They're not going to do that to you. Besides, Carlisle, you are too close to the Volturi. At the very least they would give you a hearing which would buy us time." In her mind she said to me,_"Edward, I have loved many humans. And not a single time did I not walk away without a broken heart. And you know by my thoughts that I am speaking the truth. I have no right to tell you what to do. But as your family, I ask that you care for yourself. Losing Alexander nearly killed me." _I could detect her grief-filled memories, Jasper, too.

None of them understood. And that was, of course, my fault. I had, after all, deceived them into believing that I loved her. I would have to live the lie. For as long as she'd let me. She was mine. I went upstairs and packed for us both. Mother and Mary Alice insisted on including human food bars they knew she would prefer. Since neither one of us had a scent, it would be easier to go on foot in the rain. I'd let her sleep for a while first. I could not sense any strange immortals in the area.

Jasper had collected the red-eyed people's cell phones. The wolves had recovered one that had not been destroyed from the two immortals they had killed. Carmen and Eleazar started tracing the call history. And we knew where the human men had been storing their things, due to a credit card record from one of them. Jasper and Emmett and Mary Alice decided to investigate their lair at the first opportunity to see if we could learn anything else. The newborns said they'd go with them. No one wanted to be around the wolves.

Having killed her fair share of men she had been involved with, I believe is the loose translation of the term, by accident, Tanya was probably the best person to talk to Sam. Since she had been coated in Leah's scent, Kate and Irina stepped in while their sister cleaned herself.

Irina had requested a sedative from Father to be given to the poor man. She handed it without a word to Sam.

"Why would I want that?" He said. "When I wake up the world will still be the same and I'll still be a murderer."

"It will keep you calm and from phasing in case John's command doesn't work. And I don't think you want to see what Edward will do to you if you so much as twitch in Seth's direction."

At the mention of Leah's kid brother, he took the tablets and clutched them in his palm. He went to the back of the cottage and left, sitting on the porch. Under the shingled roof, he could hear the rain pelting against the tiles, as he shook the tablets in his palm like dice. The call came then, informing us that Leah had miscarried. Sam heard every word and his shoulders began to quake silently as he attempted to tamp down the emotion, fearful of phasing. Using his wolf senses, he could smell the area around him and was past caring that the vampires stunk to high heaven. There was nothing left that mattered anymore. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought of the baseball mitt that was making its way through the mail to Leah's house. That was the point he silently wept.

Jasper emerged from the dark like a ghost, startling Sam. _"Christ, I didn't see him he's good. Then again, it's not like I'm any kind of decent wolf. Go figure."_

"I'm in no mood for company," Sam growled. He acted like the tears on his face did not exist.

"Good. Shut up and listen." Jasper retorted. "Swallow the pills," He handed him a glass.

"What?" he barked throwing his arm out in exasperation, beyond defensive now. His shoulders shook. He couldn't phase or he'd most likely die. Then again that wasn't such a bad idea. But he had to be here for Leah. Oh, God. He took the glass and swallowed the damn tablets.

"It would be putting it mildly to say the group that turned me into a vampire was cruel. I was a soldier in the Civil War, and they captured me and all my men. They turned me first and kept my troops like cattle in a pen for three days in the blazing heat of summer in Texas. My men were forced to watch as I screamed the entire time. When I woke up, my captors set me loose on them."

Sam said nothing, staring into the woods. Jasper sent a wave of calm at him and continued.

"Newborn vampires are very much like young wolves. They have absolutely no control. Except unlike you all, the main thing we desire isn't killing someone in a fit of temper, although that's an added benefit. We only seek to feed. They set me loose on my own men."

Sam's mind thought,_ "Man, that's messed up, but I don't see what the hell it has to do with tonight and...me."_

"One of my victims was my childhood best friend."

"I'm very sorry." Sam made an effort to sound polite.

"My best friend was also my brother-in-law. He slaughtered my entire family and saved my sister and nephew for last. Then he burned the mansion to the ground. I have a feeling that we have something in common. I was not there to protect them."

"How do you..." Sam's voice broke and he used a clenched fist to brush away tears.

"You don't. Ever." Jasper answered. He didn't bother trying to calm him as the drugs took effect. Sam left silently avoiding eye contact.

He curled up on the sofa in the Denali's cottage. They said nothing about the stink. Eleazar patted him on the shoulder and covered him with a blanket as he slipped into a troubled sleep. He dreamt of his wedding. The faces of Leah and Emily kept mixing in his mind. I knew all about guilt, although I felt none for my actions towards those animals tonight.

Jasper had returned to the house, his mission accomplished.

Father added, "Edward, before you go, I think it might be best if you allowed Jasper to calm you, and perhaps you should wait an hour or so." I could feel the effects immediately washing over me. I caught Jasper's thought that he was glad he had decided not to kill my human now that he had seen how I felt about her.

Mary Alice remained silent, watching me. Before my girlfriend entered my life, I had never asked anyone for anything. I did not know what words to use. Quietly, I said to my sister, "Bella does not need to know what dropping her identification card almost caused. What do I do with her card?"

Alice grimaced and gazed for a moment into her world of visions. "Put it on the desk in your room. Put Angela's by it. We'll say Mother found them in her pocket when doing her laundry."

"Thank you Mary Alice." I turned and walked toward the staircase anxious to be on my way.

"Edward?" She seemed unsure of whether she should speak from her thoughts.

"Yes." I did not turn around.

"Mother has already ordered her a new coat. It will come tomorrow." That did not seem to be all, so I waited. "You did the right thing. And you're not in danger of going on a rampage." She remarked in a firm tone as if I needed encouragement.

I shrugged my shoulders and calmly climbed the staircase without a word. At the word 'rampage' I had panicked for half a second before stuffing the emotions away. She did not know my history, I could tell from her mind. She had no idea what that word meant to me. I didn't deserve such a wonderful sister. She had no idea of the rampages I_ had _done. Tonight was but a microbe in the sea of blood.

Mentally, Mary Alice added one last comment. _"Bella's not showing it right now but those men really scared her. And I saw her kill one of them in a vision. Did she really?" _My silence answered her question. _"She's definitely going to have nightmares tonight and in the future."_

Tearing off my clothing in my bathroom, it made wet thudding noises as I tossed it to the floor. I showered the mud from my hair and changed. Staring at my soaked trousers piled next to hers was an interesting vision. Territoriality surged through me, as I decided I wanted to see her clothing piled on my floor every day by my own pile of clothing, of course.

I had forgotten we had put her to bed with soaked hair, remembering Mother's action with the towels. With my hands I sent another wave of power to keep her asleep. Concerned, I approached the bed and reluctantly crawled like the troglodyte I was toward her. Since I'd dosed her with the strongest wave of my ability to make her sleep, I wasn't worried about disturbing her rest. Lifting her into my arms, I moved her to recline against me. Several sets of pillows lay scattered about on the bed- two were designed especially for her. Despite the covering towel, her pillow was soaked, and I tossed both to the carpet. Mother had left extra towels within reach, so taking one, I did my best to ensure my dear little one's hair was reasonably drier without harming her bruised temple. Taking the other pillow, I spread the remaining dry towel across it, doubled it over and lay her head down upon it.

Remaining outside the covers, I could not touch her with my body after what I had done. Not after how I'd lost my temper. Keeping an anxious vigil, I hovered over her. Then the demons came to chase her. She cried out in a voice that desperately tried to sound calm, "Angela we have to ask Ben out now. Run." In vain, I attempted to soothe her as she tossed and turned. I didn't want my hands, particularly after having killed men to touch her - it seemed improper - but her nightmares bothered me. "No, Dad. Edward. Faith," she muttered, and shifted restlessly.

She relaxed a small amount at the sound of my voice whispering to her she was just dreaming, and all would be well, and that she was safe. The second we touched, the familiar spark ran throughout my frame and she stilled, and called out, "Edward," in a voice that made my eyes burn. Throwing in the towel, metaphorically speaking, I shed my slippers, and crawled in beside her under the blankets. Instinctively, she moved towards me and quieted when we touched. My heart continued to beat and my entire family ignored it as did I, although with every thump it reminded me of my quandary, and how little time I had left. The pain killer Father had given me barely made a dent in my system.

The problem I had was her knowledge of our identity gave me only two options: kill or transform her. If I let her live, I could bring the Volturi's wrath down on my family. I adamantly refused to even consider transforming her. Even during my killing spree in Chicago, I had meticulously ensured that I had never turned a single soul that I had slain. If I had refused to condemn hardened criminals to this undead existence, what did that say if I turned her? If I transformed her into a creature like me, not only would I possibly rob her of her precious pure soul, but just as importantly, I'd steal her designed for me by Nature scent. She would no longer be my singer. She would simply be another thirsty immortal, and a clumsy one at that. Complicating matters, the second my fangs, or that of any other member of the family touched her, we'd bring death and destruction upon our heads in the form of the Vancouver coven. I couldn't let my family assume this burden. It was my problem to solve.

Leaving her side, I went to the bathroom to wash my face. As I stared at my green eyes in the mirror I finally dared to complete my homework assignment from Hezekiah that I'd been avoiding. Not long ago, I had used the Quileute power to "see" the souls of my siblings. Jasper's had been so black, with a tiny patch of white, I had refused to consider examining my own. Now, I had nothing to lose. It was time I face the monster I truly was. I called upon the spirits to help me see what little soul I actually possessed.

Starched Shirt Edward moaned and said desperately, "It's not the same. We don't know what it looked like before. This could be an improvement."

Jugurtha made no comment.

My soul was every bit as black as Jasper's, the portion of white in it, slightly larger, so said Starched Shirt Edward. I used a towel to mop my clammy face, leaning against the cabinet with a hanging head and blocked feelings in case Jasper was emo-spying. He couldn't suspect that I'd been remembering an ugly episode in the history of the Roman Empire.

Masada had been the sight of a revolt in the first century. The Tenth Legion had surrounded the mountain fortress and had held a three year siege before the Jews within decided to end the matter, once they realized the Romans would triumph. Nine hundred and sixty of them had died by their own hand. As suicide was forbidden in Helachic law, the husbands had killed their wives and children, and then the men killed each other. They had refused to surrender, preferring to die free than live in slavery. And they had insisted on leaving food out for the Romans to find. They had not wanted any to think they had been starved to death.

I could not even begin to imagine my family making a similar covenant in the face of the looming threats of the Volturi or the Vancouver Coven. Seeing as how I'd managed to hide human corpses with ease, but had failed to protect Jennifer and Emily Whitelock, Leah Clearwater, and her baby too, proved the unreliability of my powers in desperate times. Carlisle's concern that I could burn out by over-using my strange gift also represented a valid consideration. The MRI of my brain showed damage that a human could not have survived, and I had no idea if I would soon become frozen like the immortal we'd found. There existed no guarantee that the spirits would even listen to me ten minutes in the future. I was, after all, a natural enemy who had served my essential purpose, and in the aftermath proved incompetent to aid the tribe. I'd found them a shaman, I'd done my best to train her, and I'd created a pack. What did they need me for?

Mary Alice acted like she suspected something. She continued to block my thoughts and kept her counsel, giving me odd looks from time to time from the den that I studiously ignored as I lay in bed inhaling my singer's scent. It was hard to enter into a staring contest through walls, after all. I knew Mary Alice wanted to talk to me, and I could not face it at present, pathetic poltroon that I was. Besides, my dear little one needed me right now, and it was considerably easier comforting her while she was asleep and did not require unreasonable amounts of conversation from me. Despite all my efforts at deception, I was right back at square one. Exhausted both mentally and physically, my muscles reminded me of the sprinting I had done that evening and now I paid the part-human price.

Jugurtha had suggested meditation might help as well in addition to that whole quality pressed against the flesh time. I closed my eyes, trying to think of favorite spots in the forest or my secret haunt that no one in the family knew I used. Feeling like the blanket left near the water's edge that suddenly finds itself drawn out by the tide into open water, my body succumbed. Like any other temporary half-human, I fell asleep.

I dreamt of my maternal grandmother that night. When I was eleven, she asked me to accompany her after giving me a brief embrace. Regal in her black widow's weeds, Grandmother Grace led me by the hand up the narrow steep stairs into the attic. Rooting around in the dusty furniture, she peered into the dim room muttering in Gaelic.

Answering in kind, I said, "Grandmother, how may I assist you?"

"Your eyes are better than mine, my dear child. Do you see a small box that is a trunk that is about this size?" She gestured with her palms to show its width and height.

"I'll go look for you Grandmother." I walked into the labyrinthine stacks of furniture. "Do you mean this one?" I held up one against my chest, after crawling through the maze for ten minutes. It seemed heavy for its size as I tottered towards her. I emerged covered in grime and cobwebs.

"Exactly. Bring it along, please, and come with me _A leanbh na páirte_." I recalled that meant in Gaelic "my dear beloved child." She walked over to a window, opened the wooden shutters, and let light flood into the room. Two dusty chairs were cleaned by my frantic hands and she allowed me to seat her properly, before I took my place across her on the other chair. She gestured at me to keep the box on my lap. It seemed in my small hands enormous.

Made of dark cherry, a metal clasp locked it. What made it distinctive was the pattern of woodcarving my fingers traced across the far left and right edges of the top of the trunk. Swans were carved into complicated designs. An unfamiliar coat of arms stood alone on the back side of the trunk. With a dirty fingernail, I outlined the shape of a stag, lost in thought.

Her words startled me, "You know I see things don't you, Edward."

"Like Mother? Things that will happen?"

"Indeed." Was all she said.

"Is there something you have seen Grandmother?" For a moment an expression that only now, with vampire eyes, I recognized as agonized crossed her face, before she smoothed it into a composed mask. I now knew from whom I had inherited my dramatic talents.

"I have this to give you. It has been in our family for hundreds of years. And every few generations we pass it onto another."

"What is it?"

"It is your life's task."

"I'm sorry?" I did not understand.

"You have to fill this box with items that you treasure. Only you can determine what those things are. It could be a pebble from the garden to a medal won in battle. Once this box is full, you will find your heart and you will return it to me. I will then give you another task. And you need to remember this and promise me you will work very hard to find the items. It's important child." Her voice became uncharacteristically brusque towards the end.

"Grandmother, how will I know what should be in the box?"

"Your heart will cry out for it."

I vowed to fulfill her wish. She seemed so sad sitting there in her formal gown with a brooch at her throat. My older eyes now realized she had seen my fate. The women of this world, both O'Shea Swan and Ó Cuileannáin - changed by my relatives to Cullinan - were more than I could understand.

Her green eyes blinked away tears as she told bewildered Younger Me, "I love you my dear child. You are such a good boy. I know you will always remember your duty to me." Her voice quavered as she said, "Somehow, I know you'll do great things. Your future, Edward, will be grand."

I had not understood her at the time. And as the dream sank in, I only now began to appreciate her words. Grandmother Grace had died three weeks after our conversation in the attic. She and my human Mother both clearly suffered from an overdose of optimism when it came to predicting my path in life.

I had used the box to store the pocket watch and the locket that my Parents had bequeathed to me. Despite having lost my memory after being transformed, it seemed I had followed some of her directions. I planned on examining that box again at the first opportunity. In the past, I had never paid much attention to its design. It had simply been a wooden box, and somehow I had known that the knife that changed my life had to go in there in remembrance of Sister Claire and the children. My Mother's engagement ring had been added along with the bottle cap. The coat of arms on the back and the memory of Mary Alice's vision of her turning had shown me that Carlisle and I were blood related. Mother's locket definitely belonged in there. And thinking of it made me remember the dreams I'd had of my human Mother and smile. That couldn't be bad. Given the presence of Grandmotherly like and un-like ghosts, in my existence of late, I had no doubt I'd see her one day. I did not understand my quest, though. Hopefully, her ghost would direct me.

Starched Shirt Edward interrupted my attempt to return to sleep and castigated me for not showing more care with our dear little one as she was starting to show bruising from where I had grabbed her in around her waist when I had snatched her and Angela from the maws of the mob. Admittedly, he had a point, as in that moment rage had caused me to forget her frailty. I sniffed, detecting the marks at her waist, guilt creeping over me in a fog. Father would definitely have to check on Angela Webber to ensure she had not been harmed at my hands.

Jugurtha Predator intermediated between us as the calm voice of reason. "We were desperate and are still learning our boundaries. We meant no harm and our intentions were pure. Now we know what not to do in the future." He should take up a career selling snake oil, although he made an astute observation.

Her pendant came alight on that note. It burned for an hour.

I called out to my family, warning them of my intent. I had to find out why Violet Gorgon had sent a force after us. I lowered the barriers around my girlfriend's spirit. I warned the shamans who had been helping me, and they, Grace and I sat around to see who would make an appearance. She kept us waiting twenty-seven minutes.

"Dream Edward," I heard my singer's syrupy voice call out in the darkness, her breath hot against my chest. Lovely. Genevieve. Why couldn't the Gorgon show up like any other unreasonable female when I requested?

"Real Girlfriend?" I whispered back. Meaning of course, my girlfriend, not her shrew of a Grandmother who I double-dog dared to try to slam me to the floor in the foul mood I was currently in holding her concussed and traumatized granddaughter. I learned that phrase from Jasper and found it appropriate for the moment, I sniffed.

"Could you please stop it?" I'd saved her Granddaughter and once again, I was being chastised? Cruel. Ingrate. Demon-in-waiting Harpy.

"Stop what, dear lady? You have only to ask and I will do my best to make it so."

I hated how Genevieve spoke in riddles. Life would have been so much more convenient had she empowered her granddaughter to say, "Golly gee, a mob of murdering humans will be stalking me and Angela Webber through the orchard tonight. Three flocks of haughty immortals, too. Don't be late. And remember to question them thoroughly before you decimate them and allow the earth to inhale their stinking in all the wrong ways corpses. And you'd better run fast to beat the Vancouver coven. And meet my Auntie Eve. Have a shot of algae. It'll put hair on your chest."

That would have been _much_ more reasonable that babbling about apples that were grown on the Yorkie farm, and cards, and sweaters, and blood, and hiding, and trees, and journals, and sending visions of my sister who had died by a mob's hands, or images of a man and a woman holding hands walking into an oak for crying out loud forest, or images of siblings as they tease one another and help each other...I listed all the hints that now fell into place. And wondered at the others that did not. Perhaps the woman simply enjoyed tormenting us as a personal hobby, and there was nothing more to it?

"Stop thinking you're done. Don't leave. No Eve." She pled.

"Dearest Real Girlfriend, I could never leave your side. It would be an act of absurd lunacy on my part to make me abandon you. I'll be with you so much you'll grow tired of me. And fear not, I will be cautious with Eve."

I had no intention of heeding Eve's Cassandra like call to abandon my girlfriend. Or Tanya's self-interested one, for that matter. Just because _they_had bad experiences didn't mean I would. And neither one of them had my self control. Or a singer involved in the equation. So there.

Rubbing her forehead in my chest, my little bottle cap then surprised me with her rapidly said answer, "."

Here we go again, I thought darkly. That woman, the amazing intelligent web spinner of them all Genevieve O'Shea Swan, was definitely going to be the end of me, if my lovely girlfriend didn't beat her to the pyre. I would ensure her granddaughter healed and would treat her like the Queen of my life that she had become, "scent"-antically speaking for as long as I was able. And I put the barriers firmly in place to ensure there would be no more interference from Genevieve seeing as now she babbled and I did not want to risk the health of my darling girlfriend. Again. I stared down at her and sighed. My sisters tapped at the doorway.

Since I'd had the good sense to block my phone number when she had texted him, Chief Swan had been texting my Parents instead all night, inquiring as to the welfare of his child. Paula had promised him to come over and personally check to ensure her safety and had called him from the house. It was only a matter of time before the story of Angela Webber got out once she regained her faculties. We decided to strike first. Paula informed Charlie of what had almost happened to his drug-addled daughter.

Frightening the men around him, he'd broken down over the phone and had wept when Paula had told him that my dear little one was sedated and that we had to monitor her asthma and her heart. Chief Swan had been in the middle of the forest hunting the wolves in vain when he'd told the other men he had to leave and why. Once he ensured that he had informed his chain of command, he sprinted to his cruiser and roared to our house a little over half an hour later. He'd driven 90 miles an hour the entire time lights and sirens blaring at full glory, fuming that any man would try to lay a hand on his kid. Actually, he handled his cruiser well on those curves. Chief Swan, latching onto a memory of her when she was six, contemplated getting her a dog. A big one with huge teeth and a spiked leather collar. As he all but did a two wheel turn into the driveway, Paula went out to the porch to greet him. Jasper all but rubbed his hands together in glee for round two with Chief Swan, promising me with his thoughts that he would handle everything, and grumbling, I left our warm bed and her healing embrace. After setting the bedroom just so, I buried my nose in a volume of Cicero downstairs.

The official cover story that was told to the Webbers and the rest of the community was that my singer had been drugged to the gills when my brothers and I had found her and Angela. The three of us had unwittingly scared off the evildoers that we unfortunately never saw. She had been so talkative with the Webbers due to the drug, which everyone completely believed, and had not shown symptoms until we got her home. Since I ostensibly had no knowledge of the men at the time that had spooked them in the forest, my silence on the matter was also accounted for, and the community would totally believe it, so said Mary Alice. We had established a reputation of virtue with our dealings with Gianni the Groper. And saving my girlfriend from death's door when she had pneumonia. That evening, mothers across Forks encouraged their daughters to bring home a Cullen boy. Or three.

Charles Swan came to personally shake our hands for saving his daughter. It was all kinds of awkward when he insisted, while sobbing his thanks, on man-embracing Jasper and Emmett, who had the sense not to vomit when Chief Swan's nose dripped all over his shirt during the aforementioned unnecessary physical contact. Her father had the survival instinct to pause at me and simply pat my upper arm from a safe distance, and now he'd renamed me Edmund. Jasper was kind enough to send a wave of remorse colored with a twinge of lust at Charlie. He kept chanting to himself, _"Paula. Paula. Paula. This has got to be stress. I'll go see a doctor or something,"_ on his way up the staircase.

We permitted him to weep over the snoring body of his child - heart monitor beeping along to the tune of his sobs. And I saw no harm in putting in an IV line. She could have been dehydrated from the running. Additionally, it totally sold the health-in-crises-but-not-bad-enough-to-be-hospitalized blarney we fed her gullible father. The oxygen mask was a nice, touch, I thought, the not being used respirator, too. Charlie simply saw all those blinking lights, heard the beeping of her heart, and the hiss of the oxygen, and became hysterical all over again. He hugged her carefully, chanting, "My poor Bells."

Jasper's gift ensured that we would not have to justify keeping my girlfriend at the house longer as Chief Swan was just so appreciative of those nice Cullen boys even if that Edwin was moody and needed a haircut. He reminded him of Liam, now that he thought about it. I always knew Charles Swan to be spectacularly simple-minded. Now I had concrete evidence. Liam indeed.

Paula led him downstairs and, after sitting with him on the sofa, directed a signal to me. I unleashed Mr. Sandman Quileute style on Chief Swan, much to the relief of my family. The newborns went with Paula to return him to his house. Addie Mae loved the engine on the cruiser as she drove it following the speed limit the whole way to the Swan residence, sulking that she couldn't turn on the lights and sirens which sounded so cool. She'd have to date a police officer in a century or two since Paula was awfully territorial of hers.

Unhooking the heart monitor from my dear little one, I could put it off no longer. Mary Alice and Rosalie dressed my girlfriend in warm clothing as she slept, and then reluctantly handed her to me. I made sure I wore the vampire blade Liam had left her, as I shrugged on a backpack and redistributed her weight in my arms. Hezekiah's staff was strapped across my back as well. Without a word, I left. It was, after all, better this way.

As I ran through the downpour, I listened in on the conversation as everyone tried to pretend that things were in normal crises mode, and it was simply divine that the Volturi planned on visiting our house that stank of werewolves and had a pack in residence at any moment. Didn't every blood drinking vampire have guard wolves?

Emmett thought to me as I left, _"Good luck, man, and for God's sake, use your brain. The other one."_

Mary Sue newborn waved a handkerchief after me, like the lady she was not in days gone by. She sighed and said to her sisters, "Now that's one fine piece of "...never mind. They sighed along with her on cue. Laurent, too. Irina clapped her hands and asked them to focus on the task at hand. She'd put them to work trying to discover what the numbers that had been written in lemon juice on paper accompanying the picture of Skeevy meant. Considering none of us had figured them out, the newborns would have to be idiot-savants to do so. But it kept them busy.

Jasper said, "I don't like the idea of him off with her alone. His emotions tonight were unstable."

Father answered, "I appreciate your point, son, but we all have scents. He does not. None of the wolves can go be..." He and Jasper remembered Seth and Paula's scentless condition in tandem, "The wolves have their hands full. Once he wakes, Seth needs to be with Leah and Sue and Harry, and even that is going to be difficult to arrange. Paula has a mental link to Edward and can alert us if there is a problem." Of course, he had no idea that if I concentrated, I could block her, too. I was the teacher, after all. Hezekiah had shown me that teachers deserved mental privacy. And I was definitely blocking her now.

Emmett said, "Tonight, he completely lost it out there. He killed three men before we were able to get much information out of them. Who is to say that he would be thinking clearly if the Volturi managed to track him down using some gift we don't know they have?"

Father said, "I trained him to track from a young age. He's most comfortable off by himself, and I thought the quiet time would be better for him than sitting here around everyone's thoughts which would make him uncomfortable. He hates being the center of attention. And he needs the rest. It seemed the most prudent course of action. He'll hear any immortals that come near him, thanks to Miss Grace and melt into the woods."

Mother scratched her head, "It's awfully convenient for the Vancouver coven all of a sudden to tell us that we cannot turn Bella. They never indicated any interest in her before. Why now? I don't like that it's forced him to leave us. He's vulnerable. I've never seen him look so bad, Carlisle, as he did tonight when he walked out the door."

Tanya came in the house from the cottage, having heard the last part of the discussion. Knowing she would offer an opinion, regardless, they waited for her to say her peace. "What he is feeling is pure instinct because she is his singer. That is why he lost control tonight. He's so withdrawn that he snapped. I always wanted to encourage Edward to come out of his shell. I never envisioned he'd do it with such flair. The Volturi beat a tiny lost coven any day in threat potential. I don't even know why you had that debate. He needs to bite her and get it over with."

Suspiciously, Rosalie said, "Why are you so eager for her to be turned?"

Sweetly, Tanya answered, "Aside from the fact that it's the law?"

My sister said, "Yes."

Tanya continued, "The second she's turned she will no longer be his singer."

I had heard enough to give me another headache and tuned them out as I ran to a small house I had purchased under another name, Walter Lipman, decades ago. It was in a remote area high on a mountain. The caretaker I retained kept it stocked with canned food. At my request this evening, she went out and supplied it with fresh provisions as well. I found a box addressed to the fake owner of the house in Mary Alice's unique penmanship left on the doorstep. It had a thermos of the algae that she had collected from the cave. My sister apparently had been holding out, and had experienced a vision, as I had never told her about the house. I had already packed some algae, but it was a sweet thought. She left a note, "You don't know everything, kid."

The second I touched it, her scent vanished. So none of my family's scent would be in the area, and they couldn't track mine. Or hers. Fine, they could smell me all they liked what was left of my scent at the house, but they'd never be able to find me, thanks to Young to Me Old Power. I had turned off my cell phone's GPS locater.

When I'd purchased the small house, I hadn't much cared about the furnishings. I had only wanted a place to go if the family realized me for the fraud I was and threw me out. I also used it from time to time as a retreat, having become used to leaving the house every night to afford the couples privacy. An architect paranoid about world invasion (he ended up being right, after all) had built it in the 1940's as a refuge for his family, and I'd purchased it from his children when he departed this earth, and modified it slightly.

What had appealed to me was the structure was built along the side of a mountain. You entered on the second floor that afforded a lake view peeking through the trees. The bedrooms and bathroom were downstairs. Sitting in the living room or on the porch outside was literally like living in a tree house. Even better, unless you knew where it was, you'd never find it. I thought of my Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes for inspiration. Quanah Parker had gained a fearsome reputation for fighting. I vowed if anyone attacked I'd make him seem like a ninny.

During my reconstruction of my girlfriend's home, I had donated the furniture at my house to the Salvation Army and had purchased a new bed, mattress set, dresser, sofa, table, and chairs using the alias. Remembering her special needs, I had also hired men to redesign the bathroom to make it safe, so that she could not fall as easily. And the house had been allergy-proofed as well. The caretaker had overseen the delivery and arrangement of the furniture and new linens and allergen free pillows. I had planned to take my girlfriend here for our honeymoon. After our visit to the farm, while hunting, I had gone to some of the areas that Liam had snapped photographs that hung in his house, the ones she liked. I had taken a few ones myself and had framed them. I wasn't nearly as good as Liam, but I wanted her surrounded by things that comforted her. Stealing the photos from his house's walls to put in mine would be creepy. Rude, too.

How ironic that instead of my honeymoon, I took her there the night of our first official Real Date that had been crashed by barbarians. I had noticed her medallion flashing while I'd been running. Her venom scars had behaved themselves, although FitzCadaver had looked more smug than usual back at the mansion.

It was now three o'clock in the morning, and she needed her medication and food. She woke as I approached the front door.

"What?" she blinked. She had to raise her voice over the sound of the pounding water.

"Good evening."

"Where are we?"

"I promised you a date, didn't I?" I kept my tone light. I had practiced this speech. Eighty-five times.

"Yes. You most certainly did. Preferably, when I was conscious."

"You sound like a ninety-year old," I teased.

"You would know."

My smile faltered at her smirk. "Since my original plan for our outing was interrupted by those mongrels, I decided you deserved a rain check. One I'm taking now."

"What happened to my watch?"

"Oh, I'm afraid it broke. We're having the glass replaced." From what Grace told me, I had knocked out the glass in an eight mile radius. But they'd had another earthquake as well, so no one would pin that on me. No one human, that is. My brothers smelled a rat after my corpse stuffing of the earth, but had no proof beyond that. I put her to the ground under the porch as we emerged from the storm's fury. Removing a key, I unlocked the door, and gestured for her to enter, "Ladies first."

She stepped into the tiny mudroom and I shrugged off the stuffed backpack, and stuck Hezekiah's stick in a corner. I took her coat from her and hung it by my own from wooden pegs on the wall. There was a long cedar bench adorned with an overstuffed red velvet cushion that invited us. A fresh stack of towels lay on it. We both sat side by side and removed our boots. Despite wearing a slicker, her pants were soaked from the knees down, and her hair was still wet. I turned up the heat when I noticed her shiver.

I took a towel and handed it to her to use on her hair, while using another to wipe the beads of water from the large backpack that I'd carried.

"I have a washer and dryer in the next room; we can clean these when we change."

"I don't have any other clothes, Edward."

"You do now." After wiping the rain away, I unzipped it and reached inside proudly. I removed. A brassiere. Pink. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole right then and there. She mirrored my expression and I didn't think it physiologically possible for her face to turn that red.

In a deadpan voice, she drolled, "You animal."

I stammered, "I'm sorry. I packed your clothing. I didn't mean to embarrass you. Women need undergarments, right?"

Gravely, she nodded, "That we do."

It could not get any worse, so I reached inside and pulled out the stack of clothes I had packed for her with my favorite pink boyshorts on top. I pulled her nightgown out from the bottom of the pile and said, "Here," praying she'd ignore my second gaffe. Smart girl, she accepted them from me without comment. "There's a bathroom on the lower floor." I led her down the staircase I'd done my best to make safe. It had skid proof rubber strips on each individual stair. Double banisters, too.

My traitor hands that had thus far only served to mortify me latched onto her toiletry bag, and I happily handed it to her. She shuffled to the bathroom, and closed the door with a click. I unpacked while she showered and changed. I gulped a shot of algae chased with another strip or five of mouthwash, and donned my pajamas. Saints above, that concoction was vile, I wheezed, smacking my chest, hoping the taste would dissipate soon.

Despite the thermostat, I stacked logs into a crackling fire in the hearth. The flames reminded me of my talk with Jugurtha. And my family's peril. I had a plan that would save us. They just did not know it as I had avoided making any decisions around my sister. Not that she would have been able to see, given that whole wolf power deal. But still. It didn't hurt to be too careful.

At a noise behind me, I arose from my crouch. She had on the gown with the baby roses that I adored. And she looked exhausted as she slowly approached me, and took me by the hand. She had made use of the hair dryer Rosalie had insisted every human woman needed. I had bought three. Just in case. She had a lot of hair.

"I have food if you are hungry."

"I ate before..." Her voice trailed off as a shadow flickered across her face, gone in a fairy's breath.

By now the GHB was out of her system. "Well, you fell asleep before we could give you medication. You have bruises all over you. How bad is the pain?"

"I do not have bruises," She blinked at me in confusion. Perhaps that head injury had been worse than the tests indicated, or the sedatives had been too strong for her system. I did a double take when I realized the bruise on her forehead had partially healed. That couldn't be. I'd smelled the extent of the injury at home. Regardless, I had to set her straight.

"Real Girlfriend, I saw them when Father examined you."

She flushed again.

I tried to be soothing. "I have a medical degree as well, Bella. Rosalie, Father, and I are all doctors." Twice. Professional. In my case. "There's no need to prevaricate. You had them all over your back, your waist where I grabbed you, and on your legs," I used a gentle tone. I knew how she hated to admit pain.

That's when her fingers went to her neckline; and while staring me in the eye, she slowly unbuttoned the top white button.

Then the second.

Then the third.

Then the fourth.

Oh my stars. I stood there slack-jawed, and blushed to the roots of my hair, belying that whole professional dealio. Instantly, I imagined her underneath me, sighing my name in pleasure. We were, after all, alone. And the glass on the windows was blast resistant. Installed two days ago. I mastered myself as the nearest window pane rattled, startling us both. She turned slowly away from me towards the bed, and dropped her nightgown to reveal her upper back and shoulders. Well, she would have revealed it save for her thick waist length hair that spoiled the view. She clutched her gown to her chest to preserve her modesty. And I wasn't going to say a word. Not that I could, as my tongue was fused to the roof of my mouth.

"Do you mind moving my hair out of the way?" she had that calm voice again.

Now that I thought about it, I did not mind at all. If my girlfriend wanted to stand half naked in front of me and have me examine her, I would happily comply.

Starched Shirt Edward howled, "You will respect our bride, after what she has endured tonight. Deviant."

And I mentally sighed, "You are right. I've never had a woman reveal herself to me this way. I am sorry."

I offered him a rare concession. He grumbled and tried to pretend he wasn't peeking. Bastard. Jugurtha leaned against the rock wall of his cave and said nothing.

My fingers grazed her back as I saw the glowing gyrfalcons sneering at me: FitzCorpse perched on her shoulder, FitzCadaver preened at the nape of her neck through the chain of the pendant. Considering how he'd torn one of her attackers to pieces with a bored flick of his talons, he could live to sneer another day. Although he and I would have to talk about his tardy timing. At vampire pitch I conveyed that thought to him, which made him gawp. She had seven venom scars on her, one at her throat, FitzCarrion, the two others I'd mentioned, one on each palm and one on each ankle. I glared at the others for being inept. And they all appeared to find that evaluation disconcerting as well. Young to Me Old Power had literally shackled her with gyrfalcons, just in case any immortal that happened to set eyes upon her was mentally slow. Once I stopped staring at the damn birds I gaped at her flesh. I could find no trace of the bruising. Aside from her temple, her shoulders were clear.

"What the devil?"

Forgetting my manners, I stepped forward and took the fabric of the back of her gown in my hands. I pulled it away from her skin, and stared down at her lower back, "Bella you had marks all over you. Deep bruises. I need to see your leg, please."

At her nod, I reached down with my hand and lifted the hem of her gown, revealing her leg that had been covered with marks from her fall. The skin was yellow in places, on the side of the leg that had taken the impact of the fall. I traced her thigh carefully with my fingers.

"Not but a few hours ago, Bella, these were dark purple. I have never in all my days, seen anything like this," I whispered.

Well it was true. On multiple levels. She leaned back against me. And said nothing, despite blushing. Like a brand, I dropped the hem of her gown, restoring her modesty. Somewhat. I held the fabric away from the back of her shoulders and examined the side of her waist; I could see the yellow marks of my fingers on one side.

"I'm sorry about the bruising on your waist. That happened when I lifted you in the orchard. It was careless of me."

"The alternative party kind of sucked, Edward. You did not hurt me," she said firmly. "And I have no clue how the bruises are gone."

One of us had to be the adult here, and after what she had experienced, I was not going to be a beast. I lifted the cloth back to her shoulders. I needed to find some tangible way to show her that I was not like those men.

Jugurtha grumbled something in my ear. Perfect. I reached down from behind her and buttoned the gown for her. I'd had decades of practice putting on my own human shirts without tearing them. This was simple, really, although I took my time. When my hands were finished with the one at her throat she took my right palm and led me to the bed.

"Are you warm enough?" I asked. The room was about sixty-seven degrees.

"I'm sure the heat will kick in soon."

I reached down to a drawer built under the bed and removed a down blanket. She helped me spread it over the bed. As I crawled in beside her, and pulled her against my side, I tried to relish in the comfort of what had almost been robbed of me that eve. Leaning over her, I reached out and clicked off the bedside lamp. We settled into our familiar position. When it was my turn. She lay across my chest.

She turned in my arms and said to my shoulder, "Thank you, Edward."

I ignored the burn in my long dead conscience as I rubbed her back. "Sleep my little Grandmaster."

She smiled at the title and drifted off to dream. Belatedly, I remembered I'd neglected to offer her food. Or medication. My head hurt so much, my body; too, I clutched her against me like a living painkiller. The power in me dimmed and wavered. I managed to keep her shields up, the ones back at the mansion, too. It took concentration. And it smarted. A lot. But everything else was too much at the moment.

Grace crooned at me. I felt her touch at my brow. "Rest. Safe. Guard."

Since I was not keeping my little bottle cap asleep with my powers, due to a weakness of the spirit, not the flesh, the first nightmare kicked in about thirty minutes later. I heard her muttering, "No." and "run" and her legs started to thrash. And kicked me twice. She could break her foot doing that, so I pulled her against me, and put my hand on her legs to keep them still. That seemed to make no difference at all.

"Bella, wake up."

In a repeat of the evening, her arm flung an imaginary blade as she punched me in the eye. My girlfriend had an excellent right hook, truth be told. She came awake screaming my name, trying to climb into my chest cavity, it seemed. She straddled my waist and grabbed at my shoulders, trapped in her nightmare in the realm before she became fully awake. For half a second, I wondered if FitzCarrion was clawing my throat, it hurt so much to hear her frightened cry.

I could smell the stomach acid, and this time used vampire speed and ensured she made it to the bathroom to fall to her knees and vomit her dinner. Supernatural service with a scowl. She wept as she regurgitated, while I held her hair. When she finished, she stayed huddled on the floor, sobbing. I could not bear to see my dear little one in this state. And it was my fault for not being at her side in the first place. I knelt by my Real Girlfriend. Mrs. Stanley's observation that my little dear one had a reputation for equanimity in her general disposition, gave cause for concern.

"God, I'm sorry Edward. I know you won't believe me, but I almost never cry."

"Let's rinse out your mouth. I'm told that makes you feel better."

She nodded, tears raining on the wood of the bathroom floor, pooling into beads on the beeswax. I took her by the waist and helped her to her feet. She stood, leaning against me, and bobbled to the sink. My distraught little bottle cap scoured her mouth and rinsed. While I admired her dedication to oral hygiene, she seemed to take longer than her usual time. One minute and twenty seconds, to be precise. I let her be, as I didn't know what to say, and this kept her off the streets causing paranormal mayhem. If scrubbing her gums improved her mood, I'd let her do it all night. Although I must confess, I'd never wanted to trade places with a toothbrush more in my life.

"You cannot be married to our dear little one and not speak."

I arched a brow at Starched Shirt Edward. "Of course you could. We were two quiet people. I'd like to think that our relationship was so strong that we were beyond words, and could sit in splendor basking in each other's..."

Jugurtha snapped my schedule shut and said, "You should engage her in a conversation. She needs our unfortunate experience as a murderer at present, although I don't recommend telling her our provenance just now."

Indeed. How did I look at her, my first and only Real Girlfriend and say, "Pshaw, I've killed boatloads of people, little girl. Learn from your retired until tonight serial killer of a boyfriend. You'll feel better. Never."

I took my hand and covered her right one that wielded her toothbrush with such vigilance. "Bella, I think your mouth is clean now."

"I keep seeing it over and over. It'll never be clean. I'll never be clean."

She dropped the toothbrush to the cabinet. Her palm escaped my grasp to seek succor in hot water and soap. She scrubbed under her fingernails. Three separate times. Then she started wringing her hands after she'd rinsed the hypoallergenic suds away. Oh, wonderful, now I was in the presence of Lady MacBeth. This had to stop. I moved in behind her and shut off the taps. Taking her quivering fingers in mine, I dried them with a hand towel as gently as I could.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Only a boor would dismiss her tender feelings. She killed someone tonight for us. And it haunts her." Right. That. Drat. That meant I had to say something eloquent or wise. And I had nothing rehearsed. So I blurted the first thing that came to mind. Unfortunately.

"You're upset from earlier tonight?" With those careless syllables, I had just morphed into Forks' village idiot; stupider, if possible, than Jessica Stanley, Jacob Black, the newborns, and Mike Newton combined.

She inclined her head infinitesimally, staring at the sink and leaned back against me. It seemed my dear little one could not meet her reflection's eyes. All too well, I knew how that felt. I wrapped my left arm around her waist, and with my right hand lifted her chin to make her look in the mirror. Once her head was level, I stroked her cheek with my fingertips. The tears that fell stung.

I had packed medical supplies. Just in case. The portable defibrillator, finger pulse oximeter, and epi pens were nearby in the event of that heart stopping business. Rosalie had insisted on including Phenergan suppositories for Lord only knows why...she would want to include anti-nausea medication... Oh. Right. I needed to offer her nourishment since she'd vomited up her dinner. She needed her strength. How does one offer one's newly baptized girlfriend that kind of medication according to Emily Post?

"You don't," Jugurtha said. "Feed her first and watch what happens. She's got the new-killer blues. You remember them."

I recalled the euphoria that I'd lived in for years in Chicago come crashing down the night that Sister Claire and the children were murdered. I remember how I'd sat in a tree for days; once I'd finally stopped butchering criminals long enough to think about the ramifications of my behavior. I remember sobbing. And I remember vomiting for eight days before I could keep any blood down my stomach. I couldn't let her put herself through that.

"You have to honor her feelings though, and you've been quiet a tad too long to appear sensitive. Say something supportive to encourage her to talk about what happened," Jugurtha snapped.

I didn't bother to ask him why that mattered, since I'd witnessed every harrowing detail. I already knew what had upset her. What was conversing about such a ghastly subject going to do but upset her further?

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Humans are different. They require speech to heal from wounds like this. And you are merely being consistent as you have asked her to speak about what upsets her to you before. She will trust you more." Oh. Right.

I turned her around by the shoulders and she buried her face in the thick cotton of my shirt, wrapping her arms around my waist. Hearing her weep made me want to travel back in time and kill those men all over again. This could not be borne. She should never have to shed a tear. She was too precious. And with her head tilted that way she looked like Cousin Itt on that silly show I'd watched with Emmett during the three days she'd been ignoring me. I could not see her fair face. I parted her tresses and pushed her hair over her shoulders, placing a lock behind her right ear. My fingertips traced her un-bruised temple, and then moved to stroking her skull, kneading the flesh as gently as I could as I moved my way to her dainty nape. I had been reading up on massage therapy. If ever someone needed it, now seemed appropriate.

"It didn't work," I heard her whisper.

"What did not work, Bella."

"You always keep the nightmares away. And now I..."

Starched Shirt Edward reminded me, "She feared that you would think she was using you the other night because having you near in her mind seems to make the nightmares cease. She seems upset because she had one. And we seemed to play a starring role in it. We must comfort her. It is our fault she was attacked in the first place."

When she continued to weep, I took matters into my own hands and lifted her bridal style. The fireplace tempted me as I ascended the staircase into the den. Upon further examination, the room seemed too chilly to me for human standards, and I did not want to have her out of my hands for the time it would take to rebuild a suitable fire. This was a singer girlfriend emergency. Instead, my feet made their way to the kitchen, and I set her on a maple counter. In desperation, I reached inside the refrigerator.

Mary Alice had said mortal women, when distressed, were comforted by consuming ice cream. While the peach one had the calories she required, I feared it would chill her too much. I opened instead a container of organic yogurt in lemon, a flavor I knew she favored.

She wiped at her eyes and blinked at me in confusion.

"You need something to settle your stomach. Would you like some toast?"

She nodded, sniffling.

So I stood there feeling useless and cooked her four pieces of semi-brown toast while she sniffled out directions on how to utilize the toaster oven in between sobs. Relieved that she had agreed to take nourishment, I poured her a fizzy drink. The toast and drink were consumed slowly without incident, although the glass rattled a time or two against her teeth, so I helped her steady it. She quietly cried the entire time she chewed, avoiding my gaze. When she picked up the yogurt, her hands shook so much; I took the carton from them.

Imploring her with my eyes, I held the spoon out for her instead. She just had to meet me halfway. I couldn't have her spend our Real Date Rain Check weeping. That wasn't right. She deserved peace. She tipped her head in acquiescence and I brought the lemon yogurt to her lips. Her teeth chattered around the spoon a time or five, which pulled at the heartstrings that currently were in full operation. Making me proud, she finished the whole thing. That's my girl. I mean my girlfriend. I mean my Real Girlfriend.

Reaching behind her, I placed the empty container in the sink to her right. She leaned forward, nuzzling into my chest. She took a few heaving breaths and wound her arms around my neck. I might have breathed on her a time or nine.

"Edward?" She asked.

"Yes, Bella?"

The words seemed torn from her soul, "Will you please hold me?"

Her sobbing began to slow, so I lifted her from the cabinet to my shoulder. Her arms tightened around my neck, her legs my waist, as I made my way in the dark down the stairs to our bed. I lay on my back, with her atop me, and pulled the covers up over her shoulders.

"Bella your muscles have locked up. I can feel the knots. I'll try to work on your shoulders, if that's ok with you."

Her face appeared fused with the side of my neck and her hair actually tickled my nose as she mumbled, "Fine."

Discreetly batting away a few strands that were taunting the skin under my nose in the guise of stroking her hair, I listened as she continued weeping. Then she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"What could you possibly have to apologize for? Bad taste in literature? I'm still horrified you read Withering Heights. I'm dating you despite that serious flaw." That did not get the laugh I had hoped. Drat. She shut her eyes and said nothing as tears continued to course down her face.

"It was wrong of me to have gone into the woods away from the crowd. I wanted to get away from the dance floor because I...And because I did, you risked exposure to help me."

Her words cracked when she asked, "Are those men going to try to come after us?" I couldn't lie to her on that. And I had abundant evidence that she could keep her lips sealed.

"My family and I killed them."

"Seriously?"

"Every last one, my lady fair."

She burst into a fresh round of hysterics and cried harder, much to my distress. Perhaps I should have told them we relocated them to a comfy gulag in Siberia?

"Bella, what is it?" I could not keep the panic from my tone. I did not understand women. Especially mine. She should be happy that the men were not going to come after her, right?

Her voice rate increased with each stuttered word, "If I hadn't been such a c-c-coward, then your family and you wouldn't have h-h-had to d-d-d-do that. I'm so s-s-s-sorry. Did you call the police? I n-n-n-need to make a st-statement. Oh God, we might have to go to court. I-I'll hire Paula to defend you. I can't bring attention like that on you! How are we going to hide the bodies? I walked off with a m-m-murder weapon."

I could hear her heartbeat race. My poor little Grandmaster clutched at her chest and started to wheeze. She hyperventilated at that point, both hands twisting the fabric of my shirt.

I put my thumb over one of her nostrils and closed it. "Bella, you are hyperventilating, I need you to breathe through your nose one breath every five seconds. Can you do that?"

"I c-c-c-can't feel my fingers," she wheezed staring at them, alarmed.

"That's a symptom of hyperventilating. I know it feels odd, but it's normal."

I tracked her heart rate, and put her finger in the pulse oximeter to measure the level of oxygen in her blood. Normal should have been 95, and she was at 89. To distract her, I said, "Bella, the bodies are something you do not need to worry about."

"Will my Dad find out what we...?" She sounded five years old for a moment.

"No. He will never know. The bodies are where no human would ever find them. Your father knows you were drugged. He knows the men chased you. He thinks my brothers and I scared them away without realizing you were in danger. He came to see you while you were asleep."

"You're sure." I was not sure what part of that she did not believe. Probably the Chief Swan visit, if I had to guess.

"I give you my word." Not that it meant anything.

Five minutes later she breathed normally, but still she wept. Once the numbers on the finger pulse oximeter were normal, I slipped it off her hand. The silence stretched on, interrupted by the sounds of her cries.

Trying to use a soothing voice, I said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, 'no' and again, I felt her hair moving against my skin. It felt like it crackled and popped.

I said, "It might help."

She shuddered, "You'll think . . . I'm horrible."

"Actually, I believe it is safe to say, Bella, that there is nothing you could ever say to me that would make me think that. You can tell me anything, remember?"

If we were competing in the Most Horrible Fiend in the World Sweepstakes, I would be a universal champion, bar none. A Grandmaster. With a pitch black soul.

"Liam always insisted that I learn how to fight. We would just mess around, you know? Like spend hours doing archery or throwing knives."

Archery? Knives? With her sense of coordination? That man really was mad. Foaming at the mouth, barking at the moon, nibbling at Godzilla's toes as he moved to stomp the city mad.

Jugurtha said, "Maybe so, but she hit her targets tonight. Both times. So it paid off."

True. But still. Archery? I had entirely too much of a vivid imagination to even ponder putting a bow and arrow in her arms around a human population. She'd turn them into shish kebabs. Accidentally. Or she'd shoot herself. Perchance both.

"I see," fell from my strangled throat and died squirming upon the earth.

"And he told me that if I had to kill someone that it would upset me."

The only thing I could envision Liam O'Shea killing was an innocent fern, an algae sample, or some hapless moron who elected to read his still dreary after all these days doggerel verse. How would Liam know about the fine art of dispatching humans? Inquiring minds wanted to know. I'd let that one go for now.

"I think that would be how normal people would feel, Bella."

"But I had to kill him to save you. And I feel bad. And that is awful. When he pulled the trigger - Ephraim said you could die. He never said how." She wheezed, exhaling in gasps, "I...thought you were going to d-d-die in front of my eyes."

That was the point she really broke down. How I hated seeing her weep over a miscreant like me who really wasn't worth a nanosecond of her time, especially her tears. I feared if I held her how I wanted to, I'd squish her or break her ribs. So instead, I rubbed her back.

"Even if it had hit me, a bullet would not have pierced my skin, Bella."

Like a prairie dog, she suddenly rose up on her elbow and met my eyes, and that would have worked had her hair not fallen in her face. I pushed the strands away so I could see her.

"Even a silver one?" I kept my face still. She was adorable.

"Even that," I said in my most solemn by virtue of assiduous acting voice.

"Oh. Well I didn't know," she sniffed. And rubbed her eyes. And nose. I reached over and found another handkerchief from the nightstand and dabbed at her tears.

Then she sobbed again, "And my daisy. I lost it, Edward. I'm sorry."

The open backpack lay within arm's reach by the side of the bed. I rummaged through it until I found my prize. Kate had brought it back to the house and had left it for me, saying I should give it to her again, even if it was crumpled. She'd wrapped it in a box and I opened it.

"Here," I showed her the contents. From a mortal's perspective, it was pitch black in the room, so I stroked her cheek with the petals. She shivered.

"You found it?" Her voice trembled.

"I knew you would want it." There, that wasn't exactly lying.

"Oh," she stared at the crumpled bloom, sniffled, and for the first time in three hours, offered a fraction of a smile. "Thank you. I wanted to save it."

"Bella, I am grateful that you were so brave tonight and acted to defend me. It's very sweet of you. No one has ever done that for me before."

"Killed someone?"

"Well, yes, but took a risk like that for me." My voice spilled over with wonderment.

My girlfriend killed someone. For me. Who knew? Now _that_ was a vampire valentine, albeit a late one. She had hidden like no other kind of hidden depths.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't matter. You do. To me. And to your family."

I said nothing. Words escaped me. So I stroked her cheek instead. We lay in silence as she struggled to calm her tears, and I swallowed and fought not to weep my own.

She sighed and moved her face back to resting it against the crook of my neck, tantalizing me with the scrape of her nose against my flesh. I ran my hands across her shoulders, working at the knots that had taken residence there and refused to leave without a fight. An hour later, I felt satisfied that I had worked on the muscles on her shoulders and back to where she lay all but purring against me. This Swedish massage business most definitely had been an inspired idea by Jugurtha. She rewarded me by falling asleep and drooling on my neck, the daisy clutched in her fist.

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward shows his family the real reason he lost his mind over the serial killers. Well, one of them, anyhow. He tells his family as well about Eve's claim about the treaty that Liam had with the Vancouver coven. The lone immortal that survived the night clams up.**

**Carlisle and Rosalie explain to Edward the toll the powers are taking on that brain he's not really using. Sam and Jasper had a bracing conversation about regretting one's actions. Leah lost the baby. She doesn't strike me as the turn the other cheek type. You? Edward and the rest of the Cullens have decided not to tell Bella about the tragedy because of her heart condition.**

**Edward has a soul-searching moment. He also had a dream about his Grandmother Grace and a quest she assigned him as she gave him his trunk.**

**Charlie learns the cover story of what happened to his baby girl and speeds like a maniac to the Cullens to check on his child. That Edgar is awfully sulky, he thinks, but he's grateful to them for saving her life. He still is going to have to talk to Emmett about two-timing his daughter with Rosalie. He's wondering why serial killers would be sending him letters about his daughter's wardrobe.**

**Following Carlisle's order, Edward sweeps his singer off her feet all the way to a house he bought but never told anyone about. Considering neither she nor he have scents, it would be difficult for the Volturi to track them combined with all that wolf power. Bella shows Edward some skin. Un-bruised skin. Bella finally realizes that she kinda sorta killed someone and talks it out with Edward who offers her a course in Murder Management 101.**

**Stay tuned for the next episode of As the Human Turns. I'll post it. Soon.**

**To the best of his knowledge Starched Shirt Edward can not find any record of a Patron Saint of Breast Sagging. He's looked. Lots. Even online. Main Edward asked him to while he said he was praying with our dear little peach. **

**Please review. Edward needs some love.**

**

* * *

**

**References:**

**I've left links on my profile for this chapter.**

**To learn about that myth about heat escaping from the head more than any other part of the body, check out this cool site:**

**http: / Soundmedicine (dot) iu (dot) /segment/335/Winter-Hats-and-Body-Heat**

**Quanah Parker, a member of the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes had a fascinating and at times quite sad life. There's a link to his story on my profile:**

**Walter Lippmann has an awesome book called Public Opinion that you should read. I had Edward change the spelling of the name for his alias so the man's fans don't knock on his door. Although they'd be really old groupies. But still.**

**Masada is on the UN's World Heritage Site's list. The story is sad, fascinating, and alas, true. You can find information on it at the Jewish Virtual Library (dot) org.**

**Shakespeare's play MacBeth makes for awesome reading, especially on the subject of hand-washing, seeing as flu season is coming.**

**Cooper's Ligaments are not a figment of my twisted imagination. There really is a good reason why women wear bras:**

**People even do research on it:**

**Page, K. A., & Steele, J. R. (1999). Breast motion and sports brassiere design: Implications for future research. Sports Medicine, 27, 205-211.**

**Wonder what the centerfold is in that journal.**


	43. HOD pt 32 Sword of Damocles

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Many thanks to VJGM for being my validating beta. **

**And to Fantasy Mother for her beta skills.**

**Many thanks to everyone for reading. **

**Shout outs to my muses – thank you for your continued support and general hilarity: antipyro, Lady Dragona, Moni_MD, Katrela, Killeen, Ticked off Tara, pomme_de_terre, andyCullen, kaydence, Rgwmnks, kiewie, nettyrose, smiles, fleuritup, Nyaris, oncebitten, June, Sheeijan, BellaS, sariedee, Disneyvampire, loveforwild, blue2185, Mav, sexysadie13, Merrisol, Jenney1979, thisistami, tazz, elphabacy35, sweetswirlypop, Cullen Concession, Miss Poison, Camilla, lisamackb, Rogue, Noosh, fanficreader83, notmyself, squarepancake, redsoxlove, dmsqrl, silly sad sarah twilighted, bellas-evil-twin101, writz, Fitten, twibrarian88, pclo, Cullen Pearl, prettyflour, Mutt N. Feathers, Viridis73, .Yamii.16, CindyWindy, bitandhooked, austexfan, ldybnny, Chloe9, KayRad816, xqueenfrostine, jaijiamays, Mizra, Codelina, TwilightedMomofTwo, Angelbach, dellatwi, Pamela J. Austin, luvredwardcullen, Forest Sentry Koneji**

**The songs for this chapter:**

**The first is by Rob Thomas, All that I Am:**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=IiYWOU9j9w0

**The second is by Keith Urban, Making Memories of Us:**

http://www** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=xtlaUVEmUOk**

**The third is by Greig – In the Hall of the Mountain King:**

http://www**(dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=xrIYT-MrVaI**

**

* * *

**

**Snarky Summary:**

**After realizing that my dear little Grandmaster was hounded through the Yorkie's southern orchard by a mortal group of red-eyed tatted serial killers, and additionally recognizing that three separate groups of immortals came frolicking through the Forest and Park with gleeful abandon and indubitably malicious intent most likely after Bella and Angela, the Cullen Coven postulated that **_**perhaps**_** the purple-eyed red-eyed vampires had made an appearance. Or maybe they were just ordinary red-eyed immortals in a cranky mood who stumbled across the wrong patch of trees. Maybe that was what Bella's Grandmother had been babbling about for the past few weeks? And if so, did that mean she'd go away and **_**die**_** already? Pretty Please? Just sayin'.**

**Edward had some 'splaining to do with his family which he kinda sorta did. In pieces. The technical term would be lying by omission and he has no such knowledge of any kind of activity, nor would he admit to having knowledge of any such activity if such activity did occur. Given the extent of the brain damage he undergoes daily, Edward is convinced that his days on Earth could be numbered, and that his powers can't be counted on to save his family and his dear little one, seeing as he'd had some, ahem, performance issues of late. **

**Jasper and Sam participated in a contest to see who could win on woe. Jasper, that overachiever of angst, won Bibles down. Edward had a soul-searching moment and made a decision as to his plan for how to escape the quandary he's found himself in. Charlie learned the sanitized version of Bella's ordeal in the orchard and came roaring to the Cullen house for his own Come to the Fiends moment of parental clarity. **

**Edward informed his family of the ****section 2.115 of article B of the Treaty Between Liam and the Vancouver Sludge Suckers Coven the he has neither seen nor read. He's also informed them of the threat by the scum suckers to invoke section 2.116 article D ****and that pesky clause that allows them to decimate the Cullens if they lay a fang on Bella. Or venom slobber.**

**Jane and Alec are on their way on their bundle of laughs tour. At Carlisle's request to scram the premises, Edward took his dear little one away to a house he bought in the mountains for some quality pressed against the flesh time. Bella had other, more revealing plans. Edward learned all about how to handle hysterical Swan women first hand, alas. Alack. And it hit Bella that she kinda sorta killed someone – for moral purposes of course – and that she kinda sorta can't tell anyone – for moral purposes of course. Edward can soooo identify.**

**The Cullen family pondered the evidence they gathered from the hotel rooms and technological trail left by the mortals and immortals. The mortal men admitted to killing women based on description alone and that some women had been categorized as "special ones" and much debate ensued over the interpretation of that term. Jasper revealed that he was a 'special one,' and Tanya got all weepy thinking of the old use of that term.**

**Forthelove, in one of the funniest comments I've read about this story ever, wrote, "Oh, and Tanya 'succupotomos' Denali, who just wants him to quit being obsessed so she can suc...well nevermind. I can not even imagine the mess all this subterfuge and denial is going to cause. I recommend hanging the vampsicle on a wall, you know, like a decoration. It would be intimidating as hell to come in and see a 'frozen' vamp hung up there and know that 'hey that could be me.'" Oh my sweet baby wolfborn Edward, that was highly entertaining, and an apt description of Tanya "Succthemostest compared to you" Denali and the frozen stiff in more ways than one vamp. More on Vampsicle in this chapter. I think Aro definitely wants to use him as a decoration for the front entryway. Speaking of Jugurtha…**

**Viridis73, sage reviewer commented about Jugurtha, "Truly, he's a master of stating the obvious and also, often, the voice of reason. Except when it comes to licking..." Jugurtha, for the record is poking me…I really do mean that in the purest sense of the term, ahem, in the sleeve with a message. "If our dear little one got some Cullen tongue more often, she'd lose those inhibitions about speaking. Swear. There's nothing so good as quality tongue." Not that **_**he's**_** ever had any. But still. He has extensive research. Seriously.**

**Things you need to remember from past chapters for this one are; first, Edward has expanded abilities, and as established in the opening chapters of the HOD arc, has refrained from mentioning them to his family. When his ability to read minds expanded in range, he didn't tell them because he wanted to be able to listen in on their discussions about him so that he would know when they asked him to leave. That's what he says. And believes. Edward genuinely does not appreciate that his family loves him. He has convinced himself that he's only good to them because he's useful, and when he outlives that usefulness they'll kick him out. Hezekiah and he had a chat at the end of Mammoth sized mongrels about the 'rules' of him being able to use the Quileute powers. Edward has been experiencing odd symptoms and no one knows why or if they will get worse.**

**As our story begins, Edward has recently managed to calm his girlfriend from her considerable distress through the fine art of Swedish massage and timely posy giving. She's sprawled atop him, asleep on his chest, clutching her daisy, drooling. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

**The Sword of Damocles**

Sighing, shadowed with a frown, my little Grandmaster muttered in Latin in her sleep, _"Peziza violacea,"_ - which, if memory served, was the name of a fungus. Funny, she didn't _look_ like she was encumbered by another nightmare. Why would allergens stalk her in her sleep? Hadn't she endured enough?

Giving her the flower had been inspired. I'd sent Kate a text thanking her for her thoughtfulness in recovering my little algae lover's daisy from the orchard floor. In the darkness of the room, I reached into the bag that sat within reach and pulled out a small piece of amber. Trapped within it was a moth.

When we had fled Siberia due to those smart natives who correctly suspected our nature, we had stopped in Kaliningrad before making our way to Gdansk. Europe's largest source of amber came from that region. As we had passed in the autumn night, I'd found a piece that had caught my eye. I'd tucked it away, thinking that I and the moth had much in common, frozen forever in un-natural life, unable to escape our earthly manacles.

When my girlfriend had told me that Liam and she had studied butterflies for enjoyment, I had immediately thought of the piece, tucked away in a sock for safe keeping. Packing the bag for our journey, I had found the pair of socks and had held them while staring at her sleeping form. I had thought it might bring a smile to her face.

Hoping that it would improve her mood, I rehearsed a script for what to say. I placed the amber on the nightstand. I'd give it to her when she awoke.

_"Gymnocarpium dryopteria." _Now she muttered about oak ferns which grew at high elevations. What I would give to live in her mind for an hour. Or two.

Hearing the language evoked a favorite author of mine, Cicero that I had read earlier when Chief Swan had burst into the house in histrionics galore. In his - Cicero's that is - Chief Swan probably couldn't _spell_ the word 'Latin' much less read it - _Tuscalunae disputations, _Cicero told the story of a tyrant by the name of Dionysius. One of his courtiers, I suppose you could call him that, sycophant also worked as well, named Damocles once complemented the leader on his wealth and power. Much to his surprise, the king suggested they switch places for a day, so he could experience what living the life royal felt like. Dionysius ordered an extravagant feast to be served for Damocles to cap his day of pretending to be a king.

During the meal, Damocles noticed a sword, a rather sharp one from his perspective, hanging over his head by a horse hair. Dionysius explained to the alarmed man that this represented what his life as a ruler of men was like, having power like that. I had no idea how my name had changed from Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to Damocles. But Damocles I had become. My singer's vampire blade hovered like a grasping shade above my head, and the hilt dangled by one of her long strands of hair.

While Starched Shirt Edward prayed at his bench for the quick recovery of our peach, Jugurtha and I conferred.

"It goes against my nature to do this. But I will keep him occupied."

"I know. But it must be done."

"But it is a Pyrrhic victory. Give it some more consideration. I'll take him lingerie shopping. That could last days."

Jugurtha walked over to Starched Shirt Edward who had, on a spiritual high from all that groveling before the Blessed Mother on our girlfriend's behalf, moved cherubically in the library snorting lines of dusty Plato, "Here now, my good man, that brassiere that you selected for our dear little one reminds me of the armor Queen Isabella of Spain wore in 1492." He held out a photograph.

Starched Shirt Edward turned his head to the right to study the picture, "But it's modest. And armor is strong. She won't......tear that way." His voice caught on the word 'tear.'

"We are going to have to visit the catalogs and made an educated decision after reviewing our options in the name of our dear little one's health." Jugurtha held out a photograph, "Technology has increased significantly in engineering of these garments since they were first invented. Notice these items from Panache. They are functional, yet they have flowers on them. Our dear little one does adore flowers. We received abundant proof the other night she would like them on her undergarments." Starched Shirt Edward's eyes became glassy as he stared at the photograph and started to sweat. Jugurtha led him by the hand into the cave, as Starched Shirt Edward began to bellow about propriety.

Once I was truly alone, I wanted to cry. Yet even with my heart functioning, tears refused to fall from my inhuman eyes. I had never been as frightened as I had been tonight in all my years unwillingly skulking the earth. Perhaps the terror of the past few hours had drained all those raging newborn emotions from me. It felt like I was a blindfolded fool who stumbled into bales of cotton, never accurately perceiving his surroundings.

I watched her as she lay cocooned against my miserable heart. Miserly unrepentant arms could not let her go if all the gold in the world depended on it. She was beyond compare.

She was also out like a proverbial light, resting uneasily, the dilapidated daisy still clutched in a fist. I reached for my phone and searched the Internet for files on psychological reactions to trauma. Since Rosalie had diagnosed her with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following her truck accident, I had been doing my homework reading every issue of the Journal of Psychological Trauma, the Journal of Rehabilitation, and the Journal of Traumatic Stress that I could get my hands on, others, too. The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had a helpful article on suicidal ideation. I read it twice.

My poor little algae lover. The numbers about PTSD sufferers told a weary tale. The American Psychological Association claimed that 5.2 million adults who were in between eighteen and fifty-four years suffered from the illness. Women were twice as likely to have symptoms than men.

Speak of the devil, my phone chirped and Rosalie was on the other end.

"I feel like I've never left home. It's been so long, dear sister," I whispered at vampire pitch in Alngith, an extinct language from Australia.

"How is she?" Typical Rosalie, ignoring social niceties and little things like manners to cut to the quick. Why did I suddenly feel like the girl in this conversation?

"She woke up screaming an hour ago and vomited." I said that like I reported the weather.

"And?" What else was there to say? Her vomit smelled delicious? Some things needed to remain sacred between us. That was most definitely one of them.

"She cried. A lot." I did not have to feign discomfort.

"Did she say why?"

For someone so smart, occasionally my sister could be obtuse, "Isn't that obvious, Rose?"

"Alice mentioned some tomfoolery about Bella having killed someone earlier."

I did not know what to say in response to that. It was my fault for not being at her side, that she had to take that man's life. The fact that she'd stabbed him to protect my diseased soul baffled me still. She'd known I was a vampire and still felt compelled to throw away her only weapon into that man's spine. I shook my head, caressing hers with a free hand.

My extended senses told me that Rosalie started reminiscing about how angry she had been upon awakening as a newborn at the circumstances of her demise. Rosalie recalled how she had plotted her revenge on her attackers for months before acting. It occurred to her then that she'd had hours to contemplate what she had done, my singer most likely mere seconds. And she never would have predicted my girlfriend to have the fortitude to take a life. Rosalie's thoughts returned to the first night of her immortal life.

I recalled how I had left the house to afford her privacy so my Parents could explain to her how she'd been brutalized and murdered by her fiancé and his leering friends. I had heard her screaming as the memories of the event had roiled into her brain, and had cringed literally at the traumatizing recollections that had spilled forth from her hysterical mind.

How I had wished I could give her the ability to forget those memories. For half a moment, I had been tempted to kill the entire group of men on my own. And I had immediately vomited up the blood I had consumed that morning at the idea of returning to my old habits. Sister Claire's face kept me from sinning that night. Further, I could not offer Rosalie solace as it was not a gentlemanly topic of conversation in that day to discuss the deplorable manner of her death. And I understood that Rosalie felt shamed at the idea of me knowing what had happened to her.

So I made it up to my new sister as best I could. I pretended not to hear her thoughts, and kept my distance. I did not tell Father when my range increased because I needed to be able to listen in on the family if they decided to ask me to leave. But I couldn't let Rosalie know I had 'heard' her most private thoughts even if I had attempted to block them out, a skill I'd only recently began to rehearse as immortal minds were so much more work than mortal ones.

Rosalie wouldn't care about that "I attempted not to listen to your murderous plans" distinction and would have felt violated. Instead, I offered her my silence as she plotted and schemed, and acted stupid when she 'tested' my range with inflammatory thoughts. Although I had privately hoped she would not take that path, I could not judge her for what she intended to do.

Naively, I had decided since she was female, she would merely dream about harming the men. It wasn't possible for me to take her aside and say, "You know, despite the fact that the bastards totally deserved to die, let me tell you from someone who has killed mobs of deserving criminals - you only feel empty in the end."

I had never envisioned she'd actually go out and murder them. Rosalie had marveled that I had held my tongue as she dispatched each one while allegedly 'hunting' at my side over a period of weeks. When the obituary notices started appearing in the Rochester papers, our Parents had at first not wanted to believe that Rosalie had killed. Father had thought since the men had been violent, and all had a secret to share, that they had turned on one another. After the grisly discovery of her former fiancé's remains, they realized their folly.

I recall also leaving the house for that conversation as well. I did not want her knowing about my killing spree. So the least I could do was pretend to be stupid on her behalf. And our Parents had never breathed a word about the matter - either of our matters - to a soul.

Rosalie did not regret for a second murdering her killers. She did think of me fondly for keeping her secrets. Much to my surprise, when confronted about her deeds she freely admitted them to our Parents. Rosalie made a point of telling me as well in front of them while explaining to them that I had no role in the planning and execution of her schemes. I had feigned shock. And had not said a word.

When Carlisle had taken me aside and had asked if I had known what she had planned, I had told him the truth as I saw fit. I recalled saying, "I knew she fantasized about it. And I could not begrudge her that. But she's female, Father. I had not idea she'd actually act." He had, thanks to that seventeenth century upbringing, completely understood my point. My sister's empathetic voice tore me away from my jaunt down memories best left unspoken lane.

"Oh, Edward. If she killed a man, Bella's going to need our help."

"I know."

"How are you holding up?"

"I feel better," lies slithered from my lips with ease. Well, I did. Sort of. Physically.

"That's not what I meant. You killed several men tonight, Edward. I know what that feels like." Now we were wading into waters I wanted left un-navigated.

"I'm afraid I lost my temper. I am sorry if I offended you with my deplorable behavior. It was ungentlemanly of me to do that in front of you and the others." I had just enough survival instinct to know if I apologized for murdering men in front of her because she was _female_ that she'd personally construct my funeral pyre. Irina would have helped.

My sister snorted, "Edward, I've killed more men than you have, unfortunately. I know what it feels like to have that realization sink in, and the feelings that come after. You don't. If you need anyone to talk to..." Aliens had once again invaded my sister, and made her kind. It was awfully sweet of her to offer post-murdering mortals counseling to me, considering I had no need of it. I was a perfectly adjusted reformed serial killer.

To encourage the return of my normal sister, I said, "Thank you, Rose." Then I hung up the phone, and turned it off before she could ask more prying questions. I'd never hung up on anyone like that before and fretted at my rudeness, but worried even more about where that conversation had been leading. I'd had no choice.

Incredulous, my sister stared at the dead cell phone in her hand as she stood in my bedroom in the mansion, criticizing my closet. Thank goodness I'd had the sense to store my collection of saliva blessed garments in a private storage facility. She stomped over to her mate, who sat on my side of my bed. He pulled her down to the mattress to sit at his side with a casual tug on her free arm.

Mary Alice and Jasper stood across from them. Folded on the dresser sat a stack of my little bottle cap's cleaned, pressed and meticulously folded laundry. My own sat next to it in a separate pile. Emmett and Jasper had been busy, it seemed. Mother would have them doing chores for decades. They'd even added the extra starch to my shirt like I preferred. Who knew being tormented by my brothers could have such benefits?

Emmett said, "Rose, what is it?"

Rose sounded stunned, "The twerp actually hung up on me."

"That does not sound like Edward," Mary Alice said in my defense, "Could the signal have dropped?"

"I hope he's had the good sense to take her someplace warm. If he thinks that we are going to tip toe around him going all Rambo on those prisoners last night, he's delusional," Emmett said.

What on earth did 'going all Rambo' mean? Aside from general murder, had I committed some new sin?

"You know what bothers me the most?" Jasper said in a thoughtful tone.

"Aside from the lost opportunity to learn useful information?" his mate asked. I wondered why they didn't just use a vampire blade to give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice with a tish of venom on it while they were at it.

"Edward's emotions were not those of a first time killer." That earned the entire house's undivided attention, damn him to everlasting hell for being absolutely correct in his assessment. "I spend decades leading vampires into battle. I've spent more years around vampires the first time they kill, than I have this family. I know every nuance of surprise. Edward wasn't. At all."

Fine. Boast about _your_ sins while pointing the accusing index finger of judgment at me. Hypocritical far too observant for my continued mental health bastard.

"We all saw the vision that spurred him, Jasper. If I'd been in his place, I don't know that I would have bothered to sit back and feel anything but rage," his wife soothed.

"If our places had been changed, I probably would have acted similarly," Jasper grumbled, "But he fights like someone with experience. And more interesting than that, he reacts emotionally like someone with years of battle under his belt."

"I don't understand your argument," Emmett prodded, "He totally lost it back there and ruined our plans. How is using a railroad spike on a human skull that we needed to question acting like somebody with experience?"

"It is if you are used to leading or making the decisions. Maria used to act like that when she lost her temper: willful, spontaneous, and lethal. It would not occur to her until minutes after she was surrounded by piles of bodies that she had made a tactical mistake. Even then, she never admitted it when she did."

"What else are you thinking?" Rosalie, typically, probed for more dirt.

"This is the kid that Emmett and I both wrestled before, who we beat for years. And this is the kid who suddenly moves like an experienced killer and emotes like one, too. So who is this kid?"

Listening from the library, Tanya thought that Jasper was exaggerating. Irina thought Jasper was exactly on track, but she wasn't going to say anything that would get me in trouble. She figured if I held my tongue I had a good reason. Why couldn't more women be like Irina? Silent? Kind when not trying to hunt down and kill other immortals?

Rosalie decided that she and I needed to have a talk.

Mary Alice decided that she and I needed to have a talk.

Emmett decided that he and I most definitely needed to have a talk.

Tanya decided I could benefit from her personal therapy. As if.

Kate decided that Tanya needed to be diverted from pestering me.

Irina decided that she and I needed to take a long walk to do some soul searching.

Mary Sue decided....never mind. She was supposed to be on that whole chastity vow, and while physically she abided by it, the immortal flesh most definitely was overactive in the imagination department. Hers. Not mine.

Jasper didn't decide about any talking. He just planned on beating the living daylights out of me to make me confess.

Mother and Father both decided it would be a good idea to take me on a private camping trip, just the three of us and have a talk. To bond. Lovely.

"Well, we'll have plenty of time to question him after he gets home." Emmett, ever logical said.

"Jasper, you know that whole 'special ones' phrase?" Rosalie said.

"Yes?"

"We don't know if they meant Bella or Angela. We really should put some kind of watch on the Webbers." Why I didn't think of that was beyond me. Good call, Rosalie. Her tenacity every once in a while proved helpful.

Mary Alice used her powers searching for Angela's future. She did not see anything that she found suspicious, nor did I from reading her multi-vision of Miss Angela Webber's mundane mortal life tour. And that most definitely meant we needed to put a watch on the Webber family. Mary Alice's powers were not functioning properly at present. If they had been, I'd have been warned in plenty of time....except that I was....by Genevieve not Mary Alice. Drat.

"Surely there aren't any immortals left in that group that would attack a packed hospital?" As news had spread of the murders the locals had all gone scurrying in morbid haste to the hallways of that building. There was no way a group of immortals could carry out an attack and still follow the Volturi laws. Then again, upon further consideration, I don't think the lost covens particularly cared about the Volturi laws.

Father said, "Eleazar and I will go and spend some time at the hospital. We'll see if we can get Paula to test her range to see if there are any immortals in the area with her gifts."

"Good idea. Now that we've decided that, we have to plan on what to say to the Volturi when they appear," Mary Alice said. She avoided telling them of the vision she had of Jane and Alec arriving at the house and finding the stench of werewolf blowing from the back.

"I have an idea," Jasper said. They all leaned forward to hear. Since I'd read his mind, I didn't need to stay to hear his plan. I turned my senses outward.

My mind leapt over to the Denali guest cottage. Sam tossed in his sleep and awoke with a jerk, staring around the room, confused. For half a second, he had an ordinary face. Then like a fetid breeze newly encountered, the memory of what he had wrought collided with his conscience and transfigured his face. He looked like a man who woke up from a torture session to discover he'd been crucified.

Tanya sat on the sofa opposite him. She had come into the room and had replaced Carmen's shift, watching him while he slept, which disturbed the young man. Unfortunately for Sam, when groggy, he had expressive features. Stench issues aside, any man who did not want to be around Tanya simply because she was Tanya, automatically earned my regard. He wasn't remotely attracted to her. Another point in his favor. Tanya would be beside herself.

"I had to make sure you wouldn't hurt anyone while you slept," Tanya explained, trying not to be offended that a male didn't feel overjoyed at waking up near her side. She reminded herself that they were supernatural enemies and that probably explained his disinterest. That, and him beating up his fiancée, she sniffed within the privacy of her twisted psyche. Like she hadn't kind of sort of killed multiple of her human lovers?

"Oh. Sorry." He stared at the blanket Eleazar had covered him with hours earlier, worrying at the wool fabric with his fingers.

"Paula explained to me about what happened back there. I'm sorry I was not more understanding. I have never heard of anything like that." Tanya fired off her first volley. She avoided the term 'imprinting' showing some common sense, for once. She also avoided saying the painfully obvious, "I've never heard of anything like that, but I've killed loads of my lovers. How 'bout a kiss, oh stinky one?"

"I would have reacted the same way," he shrugged his shoulders. He was too tired to vomit from her stench, and his eyes burned from un-cried tears. Tanya did an impressive job of hiding the fact that she pondered losing her lunch as well. She reconsidered that whole kissing business.

"We're going to have some long discussions, you and I," She said in a brisk tone, the mental health professional.

"Why?"

"I know all about grieving, Sam. And you are going to need help to get through the next few weeks. I'm a trained psychiatrist." She actually had been to medical school. It was several centuries ago. But she had done the psychological training to practice in London. So that had to count for something.

He said nothing for seven minutes. Then with a voice that sounded like sandpaper, he said as he stared at the glimmering power ring I'd set around him, "I ordered the baby a baseball mitt and paid extra to have it rushed. Leah . . . likes baseball. I had it sent to her house. It should have arrived yesterday. Maybe today."

Tanya nodded. "What was the name of the company?"

Sam told her.

Putting away her phone, Tanya said, "I'll have that handled." She texted the newborns and asked them to go to the Clearwater residence using Tanya's Audi rather than the obnoxious and tawdry VW minivan she planned on sending to the junk pile in the sky.

Sam hated having to ask the next question. "Is there any news?" He had his cell phone burning like a brand in his pocket. He had composed message after message to send to Leah but couldn't even begin to think of which one to send.

"She has a broken jaw. She lost a few teeth and will have to undergo surgery to replace them later." Sam inhaled and acted as if he had been struck. Tanya was not done yet.

"Leah also has a broken arm and ribs, as well as black eyes and contusions where she collided with the tree or where the bodies hit her." She used a matter-of-fact tone. "She's very lucky she's alive."

He stiffened at the use of the word 'lucky' and my cousin was astute enough to notice.

With an impish grin, Tanya leaned forward as if confiding a secret and said, "Have I ever told you about the origin of the word succubus?"

A flicker of morbid interest sparked in his eyes, but his face remained blank, "No."

On that note, I decided that I did not need to hear of Tanya and her sister's checkered past.

The newborns, when they arrived at the Clearwaters, found the box sitting on the front stair. Mary Sue decided it needed to be donated to the Boys and Girls Club of America. Sam never asked, and they never told. When suspicious neighbors asked why they were there, they pulled out cleaning supplies that Mother had sent them to purchase and claimed to be the Cullens' cousins from Alaska who were helping out the Clearwarters during their time of need.

That meant they had to lurk inside the house and clean it. But they didn't mind studying more about these humans. Especially that Seth who was totally going to be a hottie in a year or two. That Emmett was awfully helpful when they called him and asked how to use human cleaners. Jasper, the other hottie, too. And the poor family probably needed their help, seeing as their relatives had been murdered and all. They were curious seeing as they'd never hung around to see how humans mourned after killing one of their lovers.

If it was one thing I shared with Sam, it was the idea that when it came to Our Dear Lady Fate, and her allotment of luck in my life, I was the suckiest monster of them all. My little warrior, my reincarnated Sister Claire, really was too good for the likes of a beggar like me. Of that I was certain.

A line from a prayer that Starched Shirt Edward liked to chant echoed in the blackout of my ruminations, _"To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears."_

Both Sam and I had been handed a bitter brew by Fate. I vowed I would do my part to face it bravely. To endure for my little Grandmaster's sake. Nothing else mattered. Family.

Sounding like it had been recited in an empty medieval church ringing across a paved stone floor, another line from a prayer competed for attention in the dank echo chamber of my mind.

_I confess . . .that I have sinned through my own fault. In what I have done and what I have failed to do._

That, in one phrase, summarized my entire existence. Gleaming in the night, I stared up at the ceiling as the vampire blade of Damocles danced mockingly above my head, jauntily pirouetting from a thread of her hair. I knew it was only a matter of time before it crashed on us both. I had Sam's example, you see, to remind me.

Hearing her stir, my hands wrapped around my little algae lover's nape, as I caressed her warm skin with greedy fingers. I vowed to cherish this breath-taking, word-stealing from my lips, awe-inducing woman in my arms. As long as I could.

_Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death._

Mine. All mine. And soon, forevermore.

Sleep crept up on me like an assassin in the night, and sliced me from her side so quickly I hardly had time to gasp. I tried to make my way to Hezekiah's beach so I could finish my conversation with Sequoyah, but apparently no one in the Committee wanted to talk to the pitiful likes of me. Instead I was pulled away to land in a strange city. I knew I was not in Washington State by the foliage, or lack thereof, comparatively speaking.

From the outside, the small red brick one story house appeared like any other from the 1940's. It had a scratched front door with two windows adorned with white artificial plastic shutters. Why would humans waste money and time putting up devices that would not help them in a storm? Mortals were so bizarre in the things they did to their domiciles. The weeping willow in the front slouched forward like a snoozing human at a school desk and covered the sidewalk that led to the doorway with her thick strands of greenery. Three concrete steps let to the tiny four foot wide cracked concrete front stoop.

Whoever lived there did not appear to worry about what the neighbors thought, given the state of the muddy lawn, decay in the paint on the trim, and filth on the cracked shutters. A small dying boxwood hedge lay wheezing beneath one window, bare earth under the other to the left side of the door. The sole accomplishment in landscaping lay in the two rounded foot tall shrubs that stood sentinel on either side of the front steps like miniature canines. Apparently, they were poor guards, too. I heard an interrupted scream - an adult male's by the sound of it.

And like someone reeled me in on a fishing line while I thrashed and fought, I moved under protest towards the house, starting in surprise when I passed through the closed aluminum door, and moved through the unused by its appearance kitchen with olive green décor down to the basement below. Mother would have had fits at the filth in the kitchen, Father, too. The cobwebs in the living room corner added a certain charm.

Whatever force controlled me guided my protesting form down a narrow threadbare carpeted staircase to the basement. I saw a group of immortal men with maroon-eyes and black cloaks tossing around a human male who had his arm in what appeared to be an elaborate cast. They spoke Umbrian.

The mortal screamed in Chinese. I must be having nightmares about the Volturi guard. Not that I'd ever laid eyes on one of them, but I recalled Carlisle telling me about their black cloaks. Their elegant attire seemed out of place in the concrete-floored room. A tattered mattress that had seen better days sat on the floor. Pictures of a smiling couple were plastered across every inch of the walls in the dreary room.

"You had to go and crush his arm in such a spectacular way that they wrote about his surgery in the newspaper. And the explanation you came up with for your little 'accident' was pathetic," one chided an immortal female who wept, and reached in vain for her lover. The couple from the pictures didn't appear so radiant now.

"Ah, my little dove, you have forced us to remind you of your vows. First, tell no mortal. Second, if they do find out, kill or turn them. Clearly, he wasn't valuable enough to you to turn. So why are you so distressed?" The guard genuinely acted confused.

"He did not want to be immortal," she whispered, struggling against the arms that held her back. "He has told no one. He has not left my side since he learned. I feared I didn't have the discipline to turn him. I'll do it now. Please?"

Funny. The man didn't look like a fine-print reading accountant, "That's factually inaccurate, Fusako. He left your side when he had surgery." The bereft immortal female hung her head.

"I listened the entire time. He said nothing to the doctors," she sounded desperate.

Her mortal lover was terrified and even more so when the vampire holding him cracked his cast like a candy cane and then took a large bite.

The Volturi guard took turns drinking from him, taking their time, ignoring the shrieks from the female, who tried in vain to save him. It took him twenty minutes to die from their definitely not so tender care. No mortal, no matter how brave, could endure that kind of attention in silence. I could feel the screams of both doomed lovers like lashes against my ears. Every time one left his mouth, his lover quailed as if scourged. The second his soul departed his body, I saw a young girl walk into the room. Others followed her.

"Boys, didn't our master tell you to never play with your food?" She had a young man standing next to her that scowled at the others.

"Sorry, Miss Jane. Say Fusako, I forgot to put venom in him. Would you like to have a go?" He held the body out to her like he'd accidentally had the last beverage in the house. Which, he actually kind of sort of just had. There were no other mortals in the building.

Jane and, I assume her twin Alec, watched as two guards gestured at four other vampires that had trailed behind the twins down into the basement. There was a smack as a body hit the floor and everyone turned to discover the female immortal had fallen, eyes wide on top of her dead lover. One of the guards diffidently kicked her body, like one would a rock you wanted to turn over to see what was on the other side. She showed no reaction.

"Can't she even do anything right?" He sniped as he kicked her again. Her body flew across the room and rolled like a thrown log, showing no reaction.

Jane aimed her light blue eyes at him and commanded him to stop, "She's dead."

"She's not dismembered and burned. How can she be dead?"

"Some just give up the will to live and literally ceased existing. It's quite rare."

She resumed lecturing a group of immortals nearby.

Alec turned to the other vampires and said, "Out of professional courtesy, we'll make this quick."

The last thing I heard was Alec crowing, "And to think they named this city after Cincinnatus. You'd think its inhabitants would at least know how to fight and use their brains."

My eyes were drawn to the empty eyes of the dead immortal female as Alec delicately dismembered her. She never so much as twitched. He placed her head by that of her lover. The woeful expression on her face acted as a contrast to the perpetually frozen into a scream visage of her late boyfriend. Snarling and screams filled the air as the vision turned to black. The tortured eyes of the female haunted me.

I let my girlfriend sleep as long as she wanted that night. She woke at ten o'clock the next morning.

She had not slept well. Neither had I, for that matter.

"What time is it?" She whispered through clenched teeth.

"It's mid-morning. How bad is your head?" Blue-black shadows under her eyes underscored the pallor of her skin. I could tell from her blood pressure that pain had awakened her.

"I've had worse." She turned in my arms, and fumbled for the bottles of medication I had lined up like toy soldiers on an oak nightstand. She surprised me by taking double her usual dose.

"That bad?"

She said nothing, and swallowed a gulp of water from the glass I'd left nearby.

"You probably should have some food with that."

Her arms moved protectively to her lower abdomen, "I don't think I could keep it down, Edward. I'm hoping I can keep _this _down."

Eight saltine crackers and two plain bagels later, the medication appeared to be taking effect.

She started searching through the pockets of her clothing from last night.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"Looking for my phone," she winced as she bent towards the floor. I don't know why she thought her phone would be hiding in her left boot.

Oh. That. I recalled my fury when I'd tried to call her, only to find she'd left the phone on the floor of her father's cruiser. Addie Mae had found it when she had driven the police car to the Swan residence and had been kind enough to return it to my Mother. For an unobservant nitwit, she was occasionally useful.

"You don't have it here."

"But I had it last night."

"No, Bella, you didn't. You left it on the floor of your Father's cruiser." In a remarkable feat of self-control, I left out saying, "I tried calling you several times to warn you about those irritating serial killers."

"If you know where it is, then why don't I have it?"

"Addie Mae newborn found it when she drove your father's police car home."

She didn't bother to hide her disgust, "Do I _even_ want to know what she was doing driving his car?"

Virtuously, I assured her, "Following Paula, who was taking him home. He fell asleep at our house after seeing you. My family got him home in one piece." Unfortunately.

"What are the newborns doing with your family?"

"My cousins from Alaska have taken them under their wing."

"You have cousins in Alaska?"

"Of a sort."

"Does that mean they'll stop touring high schools?" She sounded hopeful.

"Their days of attending human high schools are I'm delighted to say, at an end."

"I'll drink to the end of the trampires," I coughed and she slapped her hand over her mouth. "God Edward, what is in this medicine? I have no filter." Actually I liked her without her usual guard. Sometimes. Anyone who accurately pegged the newborns as not only immortal but slatterns should be celebrated.

"You knew they were vampires?" I kept an even tone.

"Sorry. Yes." She changed the subject, "I need to call and check on Seth and Leah. We were going to go to the movies this afternoon with Emily and Jennifer and I overslept. They're going to be irritated when I cancel."

While part of me delighted in knowing she chose my company over that of the Clearwaters, the doctor in me pointed out that she had a migraine and probably wouldn't be able to do any socializing with the likes of me, either. I couldn't help but crow that she showed no interest in contacting her father. My girlfriend really knew how to hold a grudge. And I totally approved. Even better, Chief Swan had the foresight to forget mentioning that his daughter carried a cell phone, so her bird-brained Mother could not harass her further.

Mentally, I cringed as I prepared myself for a fresh round of hysterics. I didn't know how to gently break the news to my girlfriend. So, of course, in a panic I blurted out the bald truth. Well, part of it, anyhow. Not that her mother was a nit-wit. Unfortunately.

"They won't be mad. Leah is in the hospital with a broken jaw, arm and ribs, drugged to the gills. Emily and Jennifer are dead. And Seth is staying with my Parents, although he's sedated at present."

"Come again?" She sounded eerily composed considering what I'd said.

So I repeated my words. "Leah and the girls were chased by another group of men in the orchard. My family arrived in time to save Leah, regrettably, not in time to save the Whitelock girls."

"Did the men...?" her voice trailed off. She gulped. I grumbled in my mind. She hadn't had much color in the first place. What little she did have quickly leached from her face. She stayed perfectly still.

I worried about her poor heart, calculating how much medication I could give her if her heart rate became uneven, or if she hyperventilated again. I had to say something because her eyes pleaded for words, "No. Actually, the girls were harmed in a wolf attack." That was the absolute truth.

Her lips made an 'o' shape, as her hands gracefully fluttered. She covered her mouth briefly. Then she stammered, "Did Seth _phase_?" In her baseball card collection of secrets gleaned, she had just floored me again with another collector's item. I had pride, so I pretended to be perfectly calm.

"Yes. He was not responsible for the harm to the girls."

"Who was?"

"Sam Uley."

"How?"

So I explained the concept of imprinting.

"I need to go see them." She had gone into a fair impersonation of Jasper calm voice. There was no way in God's green earth I would let her see those bodies. Besides, they weren't even in the area any longer.

Jugurtha said, "I don't think she meant the Whitelock girls." Oh. Right. Sorry. He went back to the cave to debating Starched Shirt Edward over the merits of demi-cups versus minimizers - whatever that was.

"Sue and Harry have flown up to the funeral today. Leah is not able to receive visitors right now. And Seth is, for all intents and purposes, going to be sedated for the next 24 hours."

"The baby?"

I couldn't look at her as I shook my head.

"Might I borrow your phone, please?" Since she asked so nicely, it would be rude for me to say 'no.' And since my phone was in plain view, difficult to claim I didn't have it.

I handed it to her. As she took it from my palm she gave my hand a squeeze. I pulled her against me, stroking her shoulders as she typed with her thumbs.

She texted Leah, "I just heard the news. I am so sorry. Love, Swan."

She texted Seth the same message.

"You sent Leah a lovely floral arrangement."

"I did?"

"You did. In her favorite color of white. Mother handled it."

"Thank you, Edward." She sent a text to Mother's phone thanking her for sending Leah flowers, then called Angela Webber's cell phone. Since we were supposed to be hiding, it was a good thing I had used a different cell phone. It was the same make and model as the other, just a completely untraceable number. And I was going to destroy it as soon as she ended her call. I had spares. It did not hurt to be careful.

"Hello?" Angela sounded groggy. I could hear her family in the background and extended my senses to see into the hospital room. Angela, from the looks of her chart, would be released later on that day.

"Angela, it's Bella. How are you?"

"Better. Bella, thank you so much for what you did last night. Please thank Edward and the Cullens for me, too."

My girlfriend held the phone away from her ear as Ben's voice bellowed that, "No one touches my girlfriend."

Angela glanced at him, exasperated and said, "Sorry about that. He's been here all night pacing." She turned to her boyfriend, "Ben, I'm fine. The doctors are letting me leave in an hour. Why don't you go with my Mom back to the house? My brothers need some company, they're giving Dad fits." She looked up with a smile as Father and Eleazar entered her hospital room.

Father had examined her files and gave her a quick check-up. The hospital showed no sign of supernatural visitors aside from us. Eleazar's gift, one of them at least, was in detecting talents that mortals had that could be used if they were turned.

While taking her blood pressure, Father said at vampire pitch in Pech, an almost extinct tongue from the north central coast of Honduras, "Do you detect anything special about Miss Webber?"

"Yes. She has a strong force about her."

"Strong enough by Volturi standards to merit being turned?"

"Yes, although I've encountered far more powerful mortals."

"I see."

"Carlisle?" Eleazar asked.

"Yes?"

"I won't be able to offer you a definitive answer until I've met Bella."

"I know. We'll arrange for you to see her when she returns. I do think that we should continue to keep Tanya away from her." While I disagreed with his decision to put Eleazar into the same room as my human - I already knew she was gifted. Putting him in the room with her glow-in-the-dark tattoos only endangered him should Aro with his mind reading abilities come calling.

And while I was at it being in an agreeable mood, I completely concurred with the sentiment expressed by Ben Cheney concerning the keep your grubby mortal hands off my girlfriend business. Considering what I had done to Newton for simply fantasizing about her, those bastards had died easy deaths given their macabre plans. I tuned out my dear little one's conversation with Angela and focused on the mansion, instead. Mother and Carmen sat in the living room watching the human news channel.

The news contained a story of a missing girl from Alaska. I saw her face as it flashed on the screen but gave it little notice. Mother said, "My goodness, that girl looks an awful lot like Irina."

Carmen stared at the screen for a moment and responded, "I can see the resemblance, poor little mite, although the girl's hair is lighter in shade and shorter."

My girlfriend ended the call and handed me the phone. I crushed it into fragments with one hand. The drug had started to impact her system as she swayed like a drunk in the street at closing time. I decided she needed her sleep.

"I picked this up in Russia. I thought you might like it," After tossing the phone at vampire speed into a nearby receptacle, I handed her the amber.

That earned me a smile, "It's very thoughtful of you, Edward."

I did not argue when she crawled right back into bed and fell asleep, curled up against my side. The crumpled daisy had been moved to the nightstand, and in its place she held the amber. I let my little bottle cap slumber all day. And the next. And the one after that, too. She needed her rest, and I benefited from quality pressed against the flesh time. I put off making any decision regarding that whole treaty/law quandary and chose to spend as much time with her as I could. We'd all been excused from school. Apparently being drugged by a group of serial killers was an acceptable reason to Forks High for us all to miss class, no questions asked.

Appalled at my lack of knowledge about talkie movies, she insisted we watch several on the television. I learned that a double-feature of old movies from the 1950's made her smile. I'd brought the Wizard of Oz, her favorite picture, which earned another one. And we took several of those vacations we adored using the computer: Morocco, Spain, and Portugal would never be the same in my mind.

While Harry and Sue planned and attended the double funeral of their nieces, Paula stayed with Leah. The heavily sedated Seth called her every few hours to talk to his sister over the phone. Not that she answered. Leah had been operated on to repair her broken arm and jaw and could not speak, nor could she use her phone, as she had a broken left arm and broken fingers on her right hand. She lay in bed instead and stared at the wall. I never saw her shed a single tear. Paula held one-way conversations with her. Leah did not respond until six hours into Paula's visit. The second day of that visit.

"Leah, can I tell you a secret?"

Leah's dull eyes sparked to life and she nodded.

"I need you to swear on Clearwater honor that you'll keep this."

Leah tilted her head in acquiescence.

"I was pregnant a few years ago with Charlie's baby."

Leah's eyes widened and she grunted. Her jaw had been wired shut making speech impossible.

"A co-worker pushed open a stairwell door while telling a joke to the guy behind him. I remember he looked over his shoulder and laughed. The stairwell door slammed into me and sent me down two flights of stairs. I lost the baby. I never told Charlie." Paula's eyes were dry. "You are not alone. And you can always talk to me. What happened was not your fault."

She explained the concept of imprinting to Leah as gently as she could.

Leah's mind was muddled by drugs. She fell asleep despite the ache in her belly where her baby was supposed to be. "_So Sam was hoodwinked by some wolf mojo. That doesn't make him any less of a killer,"_ she thought, bitterly. _"Or a cheater. I can't believe Emily would cheat on me with him. And I can't believe Jennifer wouldn't have told me."_ Her mind went back to replaying what she could remember of the terrifying last moments of her cousins' lives. She remembered the warm blood splurting all over her. She remembered the feel of the rough bark against her cheek as she careened into the tree. Leah recalled what it felt like when she realized she had missing teeth as her mouth had filled with blood. That led Leah to remembering Emily's gap-toothed smile when they were both six playing in the sandbox behind her house. She couldn't believe she'd never see her cousins again. Leah vowed she'd never forgive Sam. Or Emily. Or Jennifer. Or herself.

She remembered her Grandfather's lectures. If those damn vampires hadn't shown up in the first place, her brother wouldn't have had to become a wolf. Sam, too.

Despite Grace and my efforts at searching, there was no sign of the Volturi guard in the area. My girlfriend and I spent the days either cooking, baking (she looked adorable with flour on her face and hands, cookie dough in her hair), reading (we avoided military history and battles for poetry instead. And, of course, I'd left her tattered copy of Withering - I mean Wuthering Heights - back at the mansion), and stargazing. I had a rather expensive and might I add, large, telescope.

We spent hours staring at the night sky.

"Have you ever used one of these?" I showed her my telescope. Really.

"Yes, but I've never looked at the stars much."

"Too busy staring at a book?" I teased.

"Maybe."

"Take a look at this," I pointed it in the direction of my target.

"What is that?"

"You're looking at Sirus. It's a binary star. Sirius and its twin orbit around the same center of gravity. Astronomers say it's actually hotter than the sun. It's the brightest star in the night sky."

"I remember hearing about that. It's the dog star, right?"

"Gold star for you, my Queen. The ancient Egyptians associated its rise with the flooding of the Nile, and the Romans with the hottest part of the summer, hence the phrase 'dog days' when talking about the heat."

I taught her what I knew about astronomy. We didn't have to sit outside to watch the stars, although we did need a clear night. One of out three wasn't bad. And it gave us something aside from chess to talk about.

Since the first night, she'd not cried once. And she'd only vomited twice. Lucky for me, when I handed her the suppository medication for her nausea, after the second bout on the second day, she didn't need an explanation as she disappeared red-faced into the bathroom. There was no more vomiting after that. But she slept an awful lot. And even in her sleep she curled around me, seeking comfort.

Her routine was off due to all that sleeping. She awoke at four in the morning. Insisting despite my pleas to stay in bed, my little algae lover insisted that she could not sleep. She seemed to be in a calmer state of mind. She made her way to the restroom holding more of the telltale lingerie I'd purchased for her sandwiched between the rest of the clothing - also selected and paid for by me. I was considerate that way. She demolished half a dozen eggs and 9 strips of bacon, two bagels, an apple, and an orange, looking mortified as she continued to seek sustenance. To make her feel better, I ate alongside her. She didn't need to know that I would vomit it back up. I would pretend to be human in this regard for her sake.

"Should we go back to school?" Her voice sounded uncertain.

"We have the week off."

"It's not a holiday on the academic calendar."

"Father cleared it with the school. Your Father agreed. No school for you this week. And I couldn't go today if I wanted to."

"Why?"

"It's going to be sunny for about an hour in the afternoon."

"I know you don't explode into flame when light hits you," she scoffed.

"No, but the human eye, for some reason is drawn to us like a magnet when we are hit by bright sunlight. They can't look away from us. And it's far too easy to attract the wrong kind of attention that way. So we do not go out into the direct sun around humans."

"Oh."

I was not standing in the sun, so could not understand why she stared at me so.

Grace crooned to get my attention. The group of immortals from my dream came into view in my astonished mind. I felt Jane and Alec enter the territory along with eight other guards, and sent a quick mental push to Paula, who immediately texted to Jasper. The Volturi guard had read the headlines of an animal attack and the headless bodies being found and wondered out loud if we had anything to do with it. Jane suspected that we faked being vegetarians merely to torment Aro, and conveyed that to her smirking twin. No one could really live like that anyway, she scoffed. Her mind felt every bit as cold as it had in the dream. Alec's too.

Jane had fond thoughts of punishing that coven in Ohio, practically misty-eyed as her mind recalled the events, ones that seemed to echo eerily the dream I'd experienced. Those vampires had been foolish and had earned all that she and her twin had dispatched. She'd actually had to break off lecturing the leader of the coven when she heard unnecessarily loud screaming coming from the other room. She'd walked in to find the rest of the guard tossing a human male around in front of a female vampire.

Both Alec and Jane were disturbed by the memory of the immortal female's reaction to the death of her human lover. With a single scream, the vampire had simply ceased to exist and had crumpled to the floor. Vampires didn't scream over mortals unless they were being robbed of a nice smelling one. And the only immortals they know of who had regularly consorted with humans were the Denali sisters who had the decency to kill almost all of theirs for centuries before adopting quaint habits that amused her masters.

Jane mused that the fallen immortal female from Cincinnati had not ingested poison. She'd simply dropped like a sack of bones to the concrete. Demitri had not been able to sense anything in her at all for him to chase. So they did her the favor of destroying her body. It was the Volturi way to be considerate in all things. Then she'd turned to the quaking coven leader with an angelic smile and said, "Now, where were we?" There had only been four other immortals in the coven, none of them gifted.

They had not put up much of a fight, Alec griped. He really longed to find one of those lost covens and test his skills in a real fight. No one would fight against him anymore. And that bored him. It was boring as well having to kill the next door neighbors on three sides of the house due to all that screaming. They had called the police. Gas lines, old ones at that, were so convenient for murder.

I didn't require genius intellect to wonder why Fate had sent me a vision of that particular event. I couldn't allow that to happen. The memory of the doomed immortal female was blazed into my brain. So I had to stop delaying the inevitable.

I turned my mind away from his immortal whinyness Alec, as my girlfriend stood and said to me, "So what are we doing today?" Her headache seemed better. Her stomach, too.

"We are going on an excursion."

"Are you going to tell me where?" I saw a glimmer of life in her eyes. And it tore at me so. For her eyes to be that flat. But like the fighter she was she tried to shake off the memory. She did not mention a word about it, or the night. And I did not feel like pressing her.

"We're going to the Olympic National Park." I wondered why her face blanched and then wanted to smite myself. "If that's ok with you?"

"Did we leave evidence behind?"

"Bella, everything that needed to be hidden has already been handled by me and my family. I'm taking you on a hike. We'll drive a ways first."

"It would be good to get fresh air." She turned away from me to stare outside the picture window to the view of the trees and lake.

"Why don't we eat first?" I had made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with her favorite raspberry preserves. It smelled ghastly.

"Why not?" She sounded placid.

"I'll make it for us. Why don't you sit at the table and enjoy the view?" Her migraine seemed better.

I walked into the kitchen. I couldn't only feed her a sandwich. She needed her vegetables, too. And it had only been two hours since she'd had breakfast, but she needed to make up for the nutrition she'd lost lately. She had only gained three pounds back of the weight she had lost while in the hospital.

So I followed the instructions I had heard Mother give my brothers a few days ago and made a salad with carrots, celery, and those miniature tomatoes. I pulled out a cucumber from the drawer in the refrigerator and tried to remember how Mother had used them. I knew they had to be peeled. It occurred to me that when cut in half and quartered, the wedge shape was almost the right size to practice, ahem, on something other than peaches. Then again, I mused, as my fingers and paring knife flew through the air, the cantaloupe and honeydew did, too. Maybe the mangos? Before I could destroy the produce, I sliced it into pieces and carried it on a tray to my girlfriend who had borrowed a wool sweater of mine and sat at a table under the canopy of trees. It was chilly outside. I placed the tray in front of her and disappeared inside the house.

Rooting around in the storage closet downstairs, I found a coat I had purchased for her during my doomed Italian clothing campaign. I'd donated the wardrobe to charity but I'd kept a few things out of sentimentality that I'd secreted here. Mary Alice hadn't insisted I had to throw everything away, after all, only that I couldn't give it all to my dear little one or she'd be overwhelmed. I had a simple warm coat that I'd had tailor made for her. It had only cost $4,500. The gloves and scarf that matched had been included at a special price. Three for one. That seemed like a fair deal to me. I brought them all out for her. With thanks she put the coat on and continued to pick at her sandwich.

"Why do you have this house?" She asked.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean?"

"Well, you live with your family, right?"

"Yes, I do."

"So why do you have this place?"

I didn't think telling her, "I bought it so when they realize I'm an unrepentant serial killer and liar and kick me out that I would have a place to go and sulk for a decade or five," would be quite the thing at the moment. So, instead, I danced around the answer.

"Do you like what you see?" I waved my palm away from me encompassing the trees and the view.

"It's glorious," she said.

"Exactly. I saw it one day walking by and decided that I wanted it. When the original owner passed away, I bought it from his children. I come here from time to time to get away from the world." That was exactly the truth. Sort of.

I forced myself to eat the putrid peanut butter sandwiches along with her, and we both took turns trying to scour the taste from our tongues before we left for our sojourn. The things I did for this woman. She'd never know. As we walked towards the door she stopped, reached into her pocket and placed the piece of amber on the dining room table careful not to scratch the wood. Forlornly, it waved goodbye to us as I ushered her out the front door. I didn't bother to lock it.

We walked outside to the detached garage, and I opened the door of the Land Rover for her. Purchased in 1996, I only drove it enough to make sure the battery did not die and serviced it myself, mechanically speaking, of course. I'd altered the vehicle so that it could be driven over rough terrain. We entered the Olympic National Forest from the southwest.

As we drove, I thought it important she know about the area, "I enjoy coming here because you can find such diverse variety in the landscapes: rain forests, the mountains, the beaches---

"Don't forget the 'large lowland lakes and cascading rivers.'" She finished my sentence for me with a sunny smile as I pulled the car to a halt at a parking place, "I've read the web site, too."

We walked to a scenic point. Pushing at a pile of rotten leaves and needles with the toe of her boot, she said, "Great Uncle Liam used to take me on camping trips every summer, just the two of us. It was one of my favorite things to do. And he did much of his research right here. He called it his living laboratory." We had stopped at Lake Quinault.

"I can take you camping any time." That was technically a lie, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Yet.

"Thank you, Edward, that would be nice."

She stared at the water, while I fumbled for something to say that did not involve her demented relatives. Of course my mind blanked so I asked, "Did he come here often?"

"Almost every day. Grandmother said that when they were children they played in the Park. She and Jericho had their first date here as well. It's kind of like an extra family member. We used to joke it was both mother and wife since Liam never married."

Remembering my plan I saw a crowd over at another overlook and headed towards them with her. The sky was still overcast - the sun wouldn't be out until later on in the afternoon. We needed to go where we'd be seen. The more populated observation point showed a better view of Lake Quinault in the morning light as the fog begrudgingly moved aside. From this angle, the sun behind the mountains cast shadows on the water. From our angle of observation, fir trees stuck out against the skyline in silhouette, like crenellated stones adorning a tower wall of a keep.

We encountered a group of children from the La Paz reservation. They looked too young to be in school. One of them, a little tyke with a stubborn set to his eyes marched up to us and said, "My name is Jethro. I'm five. What are you doing here?"

When he smiled he had dimples. They appeared to work on my hu ... I mean my girlfriend. His skin had goose bumps, indicating he was cold, although he did nothing about it as his parka hung open. Why did humans insist on giving their children names better suited to Basset hounds? He did not look like a 'Jethro' but he did look like he should have an older sounding name, like Jedidiah or Jerome. He had an 'old soul' quality about him.

My girlfriend crouched down to his level and zipped up his coat to his neck, patting the fabric in place. She said, "Hi Jethro. I'm Bella. This is Edward. We came to see the plants. You?"

"I came 'cause Mom said I had to. It's boring here," he complained.

A similarly vertically challenged mite scampered over to tug on his sleeve. Her blond hair seemed out of place among the Native American children, "Jethro, c'mon," She stared up at us in concern. Smart little girl.

"This is my step-sister, Molly."

She stage-whispered to her step-brother, "We can't talk to strangers. Aunt Gin said so."

"These aren't strangers. It's Edward and Bella. Bella is on the rez with the Clearwaters all the time. So _she's_ not a stranger." Jethro pulled his arm away from the little girl. I raised an eyebrow at him as that ungentlemanly behavior was not appropriate, "Sorry, Molly," he avoided looking at me and started to ask another question of my girlfriend.

Before he could get more than, "What are...." out of his mouth, his teacher, Mrs. Collins, came by and said, "I apologize. Jethro and Molly, what did I tell you about staying in one group?" She gave us one last embarrassed glance as she marched him back hand firmly on the back of his neck to his wriggling classmates.

Jethro yelled, "I was just talking to Edward and Bella, 'cause this place is boring!" The other tourists in the area that were not part of the class group, all twelve of them, stopped to stare at us as my dear little one attempted to disappear behind the shrubbery. I put my arm around her tenderly, sealing in the minds of ten of our audience what a nice young man I appeared to be, comforting his shy girlfriend. Three had the good sense to wonder what we were doing out of school.

The nice Mrs. Collins then remembered where she'd seen my girlfriend before, and the penny dropped. _"Oh Lord, that was the girl that almost got murdered the other night. No wonder she's not in school, poor thing looks exhausted and twitchy. That must be the Cullen boy. He seems so protective of her. She's lucky to be alive. I hope they catch those animals...."_

My work here was done. "Come along, we have to gather some pictures for biology class," I said sanctimoniously, just loud enough for the humans around to hear. We walked away from the area hand in hand and headed to the nearby Merriman creek.

My girlfriend seemed hypnotized by the foaming water that almost looked like white smoke as it rushed across the rocks. She reached down and lifted up a black pebble smoothed by water over decades, and put it in her pocket.

"Why are you keeping it?" I asked her, "It's just a rock. There are plenty of other rocks. And you are walking off with National property as well."

Looking around to make sure we were alone, she leaned forward, "So says the man who _eats _National property on a regular basis," she snorted.

I don't know why I said it, but I blurted, "I eat, food, too. I only drink....." I stammered, stung by her casual jest about my dietary restrictions.

"Oh, I didn't mean---," Her tone indicated regret.

I decided to change the subject. "I must insist I am dying of curiosity. Why that rock?" She couldn't help what I was. Neither, for that matter, could I.

"Because it's lasted."

"Excuse me?" All of those rocks had been exposed to the fury of that river for who knows how many years. Rather than breaking, they'd hunched down and let the water flow over, smoothing their surfaces. It did not make sense why she picked that one as opposed to another.

"I like its constancy. It's a good reminder for me."

"Reminder for what?"

"To not let the world change me. That's what Uncle Liam used to tell me every day. Now I know what he meant. He used to compare me to a rock in Merriman Creek."

"He went _here_?" Silly of me to ask that like a simpleton, she'd already told me he all but lived in the Park. But I never imagined a specific place when I thought of him slithering about aside from the rain forests. I checked the nearby trees to see if he'd left the mark of Satan.

"Liam was an avid outdoorsman. Grandmother said he never married because no one could persuade him to leave the Park. Sometimes he would disappear in here for weeks at a time." She wore a misty smile, and had no idea the truth of her words. "It made Grandmother grumpy that he spent so much time here. She said it wasn't healthy."

Indeed. I suppose I could see her point as being with Eve certainly wasn't very healthy. "Bella?"

"Edward?"

"I have several places that are favorite haunts. Would you like to see them?"

She offered a tremulous smile, "Of course."

And so began our pilgrimage across the acreage of the Olympic National Forest and the Olympic National Park.

My swan-song, if you will, to the silent companions of my misspent ill-gotten youth.

From Merriman Creek, we swung west and headed into the off road area of the National Forest. Over 85,000 acres had been left pristine by ordinance, so the Land Rover was definitely needed. We headed through the Hoh National Rainforest, and after viewing the moss encrusted trees in what they called the "Hall of Moses," we headed north to Mount Appleton. They had glorious fields of wildflowers that I knew she'd enjoy. I'd brought along a digital camera and snapped a few shots to make her happy. Lupine, avalanche lilies, fairy slippers and fawn lilies competed for attention at Appleton Pass. And she loved the view of Mount Olympus from the side of Mount Carrie. We took time to gather Lupine since I knew she liked it, although she only let me pick three stems. As I helped her back into the Land Rover she placed them on the dashboard. They sat there mocking me in their optimism and cheer. Considering they'd be dead in 24 hours they were awfully chipper. How I envied that.  
Now came the tricky part. I left the car on an abandoned trail east of the Eel Glacier. Although I'd never bothered before, I had used one of Jasper's credit cards to purchase a license to permit us to access the backcountry. I'd used his name and that of his wife.

Reaching into the back of the Rover, I removed two bags and Hezekiah's walking stick. I put a backpack, a small one, on her shoulders, and said, "I'm going to carry you because the hike would take too long."

She got that stubborn set in her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest, "I like exercise."

"Exercise it is, then." She'd fold sooner or later. She wasn't designed for long hikes, unfortunately, especially ones that went up steep mountains at high elevations and were over 20 miles by crow's wings. "I brought a walking stick. Why don't you use it?" I handed her Hezekiah's staff. She took it without comment, running her fingers across the polished carvings. Her gyrfalcon guardians' luminescence shone more brightly in the morning light as we walked, her necklace, too.

Five miles later, she hadn't complained once, despite stumbling a few times. The wooden staff seemed to help her with balance. I worried about her poor heart, but it kept pace at a normal rate. And her asthma did not flare up, damn her. I wanted to carry her. Just this once. She didn't seem to mind that I did not want to converse. Although occasionally we would comment on the flora and fauna. I had memorized all the varieties of flowers that grew in the park. I found all I would have to do in some cases is mention the Latin name for a plant and she would tell me what she knew about it. Who knew talking could be this easy? Not that I planned on doing it often. But still.

Two miles and three conversations about ferns later, we found ourselves standing before a large Douglas fir staring at its immense girth.

"I have a place that I like to go whenever I need to think. No human has ever seen it, and it's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I ran my thumb across her lower lip, "I would like to take you there."

"Ok," she agreed far too easily, "now tell me what the catch is."

"I'm going to need you to trust me," I said that so reasonably. Bastard that I am. Taking it from her hand, I tucked the staff through my backpack. Before she could protest, I scooped her into my arms and ran at vampire speed straight up the mountain before us, and the next one, too. I paused on the top of one long enough for her to take in the view of Mount Olympus.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever feel like the mountains are alive?"

"I don't follow."

"It's like they are these old god-like figures that stare down upon us. I wonder if that's why the Greeks came up with gods."

"I don't know." If they were god-like figures, then they would be glaring at me for wasting time. But it was my time to spend and she was worth it.

I brought us to a lake not far from a quickly flowing stream. We were near Mount Deception. The water in the lake was a light blue today, and offset nicely the nearby mountains adorned in green bursts of firs. She was distracted by the flowers that bloomed everywhere. Yellow daisies and pink phlox curtsied before her.

"I know you don't like water, but we have to swim to get there. And the view is worth it." I loathed myself in that moment when she took off her shoes and socks hiding both in the inside of her left shoe along with her pebble. It took every bit of acting ability I had not to fall to my knees and weep, wrapping my arms around her and begging her for forgiveness as she removed her coat. I hung it from a branch.

I didn't want to think about what I had to do, I only knew I wanted her to enjoy the time we had left. I removed my shoes and socks as well and left them sitting forlornly overwhelming her small boots bought not so long ago by Mother. No one would come by as we were alone out here, away from anyone who could hear or see anything. Caressing its wood one last time, I placed Hezekiah's staff in front of our shoes. Moving at vampire speed, I removed the rock from her sock. I didn't want people to remember her for being a thief of National property. I put the pebble in my pocket. She never noticed.

"And how, great chess master, are we going to avoid dying from exposure? This is an odd time for a swimming lesson." She stared morbidly at the pool. Her heart raced.

"Handled, oh ye of little faith," I gestured at my backpack as I tossed it over the limb of a nearby Douglas Fir. I took off my coat as well.

I stepped into the water and said, "This is to help you breathe," holding out an air canister, "It won't be long, I promise."

Truer words, unfortunately had never been spoken, I thought, keeping my practiced smile intact. Fortunately, she was not looking at me as she took my hand.

Walking into the water she shivered. We swam, more like I dragged her underwater to a small hole in the face of the mountain. I surfaced inside the cave and hauled her out with one hand. She couldn't see much yet. I moved to turn on a battery powered camping lamp I had brought for the occasion, illuminating the area. She gasped, shivering, as the cave came alive.

"Here, you must be chilled," I gestured to the corner of the cave which had a hot spring. "Come on, it's warm." I assured her, as she tentatively took my hand. Her teeth were chattering and she was soaked to the skin.

She didn't have time to scold me as I swept her into my arms and deposited her spluttering into the hot spring that was lit by light that crept through a small hole in the ceiling of the cave. There was a ledge in the pool that had more than enough room for us both. The hot spring was four and a half feet deep. Leaving her side for a moment, I dashed around lighting candles and turning on portable lights at vampire speed and sat down beside her.

Arms crossed over one another, she rubbed her hands to create friction, splashing warm water on her arms, aiming a blast or two at me, before sinking to her neck. Her teeth chattered as she stared around at the blue and white banded stone.

I had several piles of towels stacked nearby within reach.

The light had allowed wildflowers to take root in odd patches dangling down from the roof of the cavern, like pearls on a chain.

"Do you like what you see?" my voice tested the waters, rhetorically speaking.

"I'll forgive you. But just this once," she studied the chamber, awed. She started to slip off the bench so I pulled her against me. I earned a tentative smile when I chucked her under the chin. My girlfriend did not require makeup. With her hair darkened by the water, lips rosy from the temperature, she was simply breathtaking. Not that I had any breath to give. But still. I scrutinized the droplets of water that ran down her face, beads hanging like jewels from her lower lip, nose, chin, and lashes.

I had heard one of Father's nurses commenting to another when my girlfriend had been hospitalized that mortal women liked candles. They said it created romance. So I'd bought a thousand white ones that were scentless. They flickered happily, flames dancing away the darkness. I hoped she liked them.

I had never imagined I'd envy a bead of water, as I watched her lick one from her lower lip. Silence was between us as we companionably sat side by side. I moved her backwards on the bench and casually kept my right arm around her to ensure she remained there.

Hidden behind a rock, I offered her the avalanche lily I'd picked at vampire speed before I'd snatched her into my arms and leapt in the water. She took it and put it in the buttonhole at her throat.

"This spring has a bottom that you can touch. Are you comfortable in it?"

"Now you ask?" she scoffed.

"Bella," I pleaded.

"The temperature is fine, Edward, and so is the depth. And had you asked me to swim, I probably would have told you that you were out of your mind. So I get why you did what you did," she grumbled, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was worth it. I think I am the luckiest girl in the world."

"I'll note that for the record book." I stuttered, absolutely loathing my life, maintaining a composed mask.

I thought of the last time we had sat in water like this, when she had yanked me into the tub at the mansion. We had both been fully clothed then, too. How I wished we could have years' worth of such memories. But Fate was a cruel harpy. I wanted my girlfriend to have one glorious sight to see. And aside from her smiling face, this was the only one I could envision. Knowing it would be for the last time, I wanted to throw my arms around the peacefulness and soak it into my being. Hers, too. I had to save her from the seemingly endless line of immortals that wanted to harm her. And this was going to be the death of me. Literally.

Grace called my attention to my Parents, who had sent a message to Jane and Alec asking to meet in the National Forest. They had something they thought the Volturi needed to see.

Jane, accompanied by eight guards and her twin, almost seemed to transform out of the fog. The little blonde girl offered Father and Mother a chilly smile.

The scentless effect of the algae had worn off those that had consumed it on average of nine hours after their first sip. They still had the telltale green eyes, covered by contacts.

"It's been too long. Aro sends his best, as do Marcus and Caius." In her mind, she couldn't wait to leave. These immortals were strange. Although she couldn't offend them as the Volturi all adored Carlisle.

"Thank you, my dear Jane, you look lovely as ever. Alec, how have you been these past hundred years?"

Alec sounded bored. It wasn't like these_ vegetarians _could fight him as weak as they were seeing as they were anorexic, "Aro has kept the two of us busy protecting our kind. We've traveled quite a bit. The Southern wars were particularly entertaining."

Jasper stayed calm, although he stood with his back to them, ten feet away pretending to converse with his wife. Rosalie and Emmett blocked the Volturi guard's view of him. The Denali coven stood by them, the newborns, too. I noted that Tanya had ensured they were appropriately attired for the event. They actually appeared respectable. That woman could work miracles. Sometimes. Now if only she could convince them to remain silent. Or grow functional brains in milliseconds.

Jane said in bland tones, "We're being rude, brother dear, Carlisle, please introduce us to the rest of your family." She looked meaningfully towards the others where they stood, mentally hiding her astonishment at the size of the coven. I couldn't help but wonder what she would have done if the wolves had decided to make an appearance. Presently, John kept them confined to the mansion. Peter and Charlotte reluctantly had remained at the mansion. Jasper had feared that three venom scarred immortals might be pushing their luck.

Father, Eleazar, and Jasper had come up with this plan. It was risky. Daring. But that was my brother. Mary Alice had blessed it. And that was that.

Grace and I pondered erecting a protective circle around my family. My minion advised that since the human blood drinkers might see it, as it would be hard to shield from this far away, and that we should only do it as a last resort. Jasper's plan was designed to make them leave and stay away.

Emitting calm, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Mother, and Mary Alice approached, accompanied by the Denali coven and the newborns. Father introduced everyone, save for Eleazar, who the entire guard knew and respected. Alec and Jane could not wrap their narrow superior minds around Carlisle attracting this many immortals to his unnatural lifestyle, especially one with Eleazar's reputation as a fighter.

Alec gawped at the newborns. Mary Sue winked at him. Twice. He thought at least she was a blood drinker as he was bamboozled by the maroon contacts she and her sisters wore. She beamed her miniature lessening of morals at him. He never noticed he was too busy staring at the similarity between the newborn females and wondering what it would be like to have all of them at once. Tanya had designed their outfits so that to the minds of the Volturi men each woman glittered like a gem in the light. Alec had been stunned by the first shiny thing waved in his face, and his eyes then stumbled upon the infamous Denali sisters, and he all but drooled. Which was disturbing to no end, seeing as he appeared to not have experienced puberty before his death.

Tearing his eyes away, Alec remembered he had to show discipline. "You look like you've seen many a battle." Alec said to my brother, finally being able to see him.

"I had a rather memorable turning." He answered simply, instilling fear in them all for good measure.

Jane did not realize she was being manipulated and did not like being afraid of someone. Maintaining a frosty demeanor, she said, "Child, who was your maker?" Child, indeed. Somebody was insecure about her appearance.

"It doesn't matter as I'm quite sure you killed her years ago. She certainly deserved it."

"Her name?" Jane purposely made her voice sound bored. That usually terrified people. And damn him, Jasper seemed entirely too calm on her terror-meter.

"She was Maria Montenegro-Allende."

"I'm afraid I don't recall the name. Was she in Mexico?" He nodded. "Hmm I'll have to consult with Felix, we split for a time and he took one side and Alec and I did the other."

"Who else was in the coven?" He gave her several names. She recognized two of them.

"You were with a rather naughty crowd. How did you get away?" Jane wondered how a warrior could give up human blood. Pity. What a waste. And she should be taking him into custody for questioning, but that would possibly irritate Aro.

Jasper sounded so sincere, "I escaped the second I saw an opening, and no one was strong enough to stop me. An older immortal came to the group and taught me about the Volturi. Once I knew what they were doing was wrong, I wanted no part of it. I killed the ones around me. No one was strong enough to prevent me from leaving." He offered her a cherubic smile.

It was the most frightening look I've ever seen him wield. From one monster to another, it certainly scared the life out of me, so I'm sure it worked on Jane and Alec. From their thoughts, it seemed to inspire tremendous professional courtesy and appreciation.

"What happened to the immortal - the older one?"

"Maria killed him for educating me."

"His name?"

"Finn O'Roarke."

Jane paused and her mind raced. Finn O'Roarke had been one of her fighters that she had sent out on a reconnaissance mission. He'd never returned. And he had been a strong enough fighter to take care of himself. Oh well. She'd have to make a note of it to inform her masters of his confirmed demise.

Jane shrugged and sniffed the air delicately, staring at my family and cousins. "Now I can tell by your eyes that only a few of you have been snacking lately on proper food." She gave Laurent a dismissive glance and shuddered, "Why do some of you smell like humans?" She looked at those of the family who had the distinctive amber eyes.

They had all scrubbed and scoured and donned new clothes from the skin out to ensure they did not smell of the wolves. And the wolves to their credit had avoided coming within stench range of the family for twelve hours. My family had purchased their clothing from the mall so it was drenched with human scents.

Carlisle smoothly replied, "We entertain from time to time in order to blend in with the humans and not raise suspicion. We were with several last night."

"Why do you even bother?"

"Because we have to go around them in order to control our blood lust and I work as a physician which means it would appear odd if I did not entertain socially from time to time. We work very hard to avoid detection."

"How do you manage it?" She sounded genuinely curious and appalled at the same time. The Volturi guards nodded, as they, too, were repulsed and sincerely bewildered.

"I have never tasted human blood. So for me it has not been hard, but my family have all found ways to cope by exposing themselves daily to the scent of humans in order to maintain an immunity of sorts. It is difficult, and we hunt often in order to compensate.

"I can't imagine living off animals, Jane delicately shuddered in disgust making a moue with her lips.

"How would you know if you've never tried? It makes us more powerful, I think, than you, because we can control our emotions easier than human blood dependent vampires. Why not hunt with us and judge for yourself?"

"Perhaps some other time. There is a vampire missing from this coven. Who is he?" How, if she had never met us, did she know that? Her thoughts were not forthcoming. Neither, for that matter, were Alec's.

"Our son, Edward. He is hunting. He is often solitary." Father's mind indicated he was elevating the use of his gift.

Alec said, "Would he know anything about the recent killings?

Mother blinked, a perfect portrait of innocence, "Which recent killings? Humans are always murdering each other."

"Someone has been crossing the country murdering humans in a disgustingly obvious fashion and carving initials into them. It's clearly the work of a vampire."

"This has not been covered in the human news," Rosalie simply stated the truth.

"That is because it's so random they have not figured it out yet, the imbeciles. The letters change in shape and size and technique of . . . ahem . . . application with each victim. But they are always the same: H and A. Whoever is doing it keeps changing languages." Jane thought it was a horrible thing to waste a perfectly good meal like that. She was raised to not toy with her food. And unless they had useful information, which in her experience, they rarely did, torturing mortals was a complete waste of energy.

Alec said, "We know it's a vampire as we've been to the scenes. And we know that it's more than one."

Father said, "We do not mix socially with other immortals. We have not had any come through this area since we moved here two years ago that we have detected. With one exception: this is why we asked you here. We found a group a few nights ago with these." He held out the arm bands, and casually gestured to the rigid as a board man my cousins brought out and dropped at Jane and Alec's feet.

Jane noticed the scar at the catatonic immortal's temple and her wide smile and gimlet eyes did not bode well for the man. His thoughts were still in the same loop about his turning. "My dear Carlisle, Aro will be so pleased. He's been looking for this group for centuries. How did you find him?"

"We were at a local festival and stopped to hunt. We found them in the wood headed towards the humans. I'm afraid their intent was to attack them publically in such a way that it would draw notice to our kind. We stopped them to maintain the law."

Without saying a single lie, Father now gave them a believable explanation for the headless corpses. They had interrupted a feeding that had gone out of control and covered so the humans would never know. Carlisle's Coven were amazing.

Since Eleazar was among their number, Jane decided he must have done all the fighting.

"It must have been good to get back to old times and do battle, eh?" She said to him.

"Oh, it would have, but they were all dead by the time I got there." He answered.

Jane smelled fear from some of the coven, particularly the tall blonde female Rose something or other that her fellow guard members leered at; but that was to be expected as she scared everyone.

The guard to Jane's left looked from Rosalie to Alice and gasped as a light from the sky lit their features. He wasn't the only one.

When Jane heard Arturo's surprised exclamation beside her, she turned and said to her subordinate, "Would you care to share your thoughts?"

I stiffened by my girlfriend's side as I read the flummoxed minds of the Volturi guard. From the mental images of the victims, several had been among the "special ones" that I'd pulled from the men's minds that night.

He said, "I think we found the connection to the murders. Look at those females." He pointed to Mother, and my sisters.

Alec nodded, "All the victims in the past two years have been small with black hair, tall with long blonde hair. Lately they've switched to small brunette girls. Whoever has done it is particularly interested in making them suffer as long as they can before killing them. And the victims bear a remarkable resemblance to your wife and daughters, Carlisle. I know that you have not been doing the murders - but who have you angered lately who has the initials H and A? Although we disagreed with your decision to leave, no one in Volturi bears any ill will toward you."

He stopped for a moment and studied the Denali coven. Alec said, "Sister, dear, the ones in Europe resembled the Denalis sisters." He turned to Eleazar and said, "We both know that you have plenty of enemies."

Jane thought to herself that no one sane immortal would bother hunting him down and killing Carlisle since he was a favorite of her masters. Eleazar had been a disappointment in their eyes when he had left, but they bore him no ill will. If anyone attacked one with as fearsome a reputation as him....fine, Jane admitted that since he had turned vegetarian, she mentally spat the label, the immortal community wasn't so scared of him any longer, thinking him weak due to his restricted diet. And if anyone killed one of the Denali sisters, they'd have to deal with the legion of immortals that they'd slept with who would doubtlessly be irritated. Tanya in particular had been quite the busy bee sleeping her way to the top.

Father's face wore a genuinely confused expression as he said to Jane, "I honestly have no idea. I have never had any kind of dispute with any immortal. I'm aghast. My daughters have been with me for most of the time only living apart a few years or so to maintain our secrecy. And during that time, they never encountered any immortal. My son Edward has not left our side for decades and I can guarantee you aside from the Denali coven he has never met another immortal. He's so shy, he's almost mute. This is odd, Jane. It's almost like whoever is killing the human women wants to draw you here? They've been so brazen about it."

Eleazar said, "I'll have to give it thought. I can think of six immortals with those initials who hate me, although two of them, I am certain, are dead."

Alec asked, "Tell us more about that night."

Emmett said, "We encountered a group of immortals that planned on attacking a local festival. There were human news crews and cameras and cell phones there, and they could not have killed that many people without causing notice. They raised arms to us without provocation." That was all the truth. Every last word. Except for the parts they left out.

"How many?"

"Eight in the first group, two in another, seven in the last."

"You fought off three waves of attacks? Were they newborns?" Jane's voice sharpened.

"Oh no, they were all older than I am," Carlisle said.

"Where are they?"

"All of them are ashes, I'm afraid. The ones in the final group all wore this," Father held out a bag that contained the armbands. "One in the second group had an owl venom tattoo on his temple." I had left drawings of the faces of those I had managed to see. Father showed them to Jane, "These are the best reconstructions that we can give you."

Jane and Alec gawped and pointed to one group picture I had sketched, "That is a lost coven that Aro has been searching for hundreds of years." She pointed to the seven immortals that had perished at Discovery Bay.

"Really? It was not on the list of the clans that Aro showed me. I thought we should let you know."

"So you have more than one lost coven trying to kill you?" They stared at the group picture of the ones with the lightning bolts on their temples.

"Perhaps." Father acted bored.

"Why?"

He shrugged, "They didn't stop to talk while we were fighting. They had vampire blades."

Rosalie brought them forward. Since they all had the distinctive scent on them there was no way we could keep them anyway. Jasper had called it a strategic move. If we were defying the Volturi, we certainly would be lunatics to hand over our banned weapons.

Father should have had a halo hanging over his golden brow, "I know Aro collects these so wanted to send them."

Alec said, "You fought them off unarmed? And they had vampire blades?"

Father said nonchalantly, "I did tell you that our diet gives us power. It was not difficult. We simply took their weapons and killed them." The guards stared at Father like he'd grown ten feet instantly. A few thought they might give that diet a try. Just in case.

Alec sounded appalled, "But you might be attacked. It sounds like you need the weapons."

"The law says we must hand them over," Father beamed, the apotheosis of virtue as he blasted them with his gift. "We did fine without the weapons. If attacked again, we will find a way to cope." He played the virtuous vampire so well. Jane and Alec never knew what hit them. "Oh, and we almost neglected to mention, several of them had cellular phones. We've included them. And the clothing they left behind at their hotel rooms." That was a genius move as well. Jasper and Eleazar had already raided their contents, and taken samples of the clothing. They had no need for them.

Serenaded by Jasper, they felt an unfamiliar twinge of guilt as well. They couldn't leave the fourth brother, as Carlisle was known in the immortal world, weaponless. If something happened, their masters would be furious. They'd give him the weapons. They were only looking out after their own...hides. And they wondered what that unusual scent was.

As her nose twitched, Carlisle said, "I smell it too, dear girl. Don't you know what that means? You and Alec are of my line. Of my blood. I'll have to do some research, but I believe we must be cousins." He sealed their fate in stone at that moment by claiming them as kin. The others in the guard stared at the forest floor trying to afford their leaders privacy.

"How delightful." Alec seemed stunned. He'd never met a living relative. And Carlisle was older which gave him seniority. He couldn't let his...cousin die. He and Jane communicated with a glance. And Jasper used a bit more of his gift to make them feel unusually happy.

"We have no need for those as Aro's collection is vast and he has similar blades. We will permit you to keep them." Jane made that sound so generous. She planned on calling Aro the second she was out of hearing range. This was not good.

Alec said, "The only reason I can think of is that they are trying to send a message to our masters. You are well known throughout the immortal world as being beloved by them all, as a brother, although it's not well known where you live. Anyone who hurt you and your coven would strike a blow."

What Alec had left out was that now that they had been claimed by Carlisle as kin, and acknowledged him in return in front of immortal witnesses, anyone who threatened the Cullens, they would have to deal with. This temporarily solved one problem. But the second Jane or Alec or another Volturi who would now most certainly visit more often set eyes on my girlfriend, we still had the breaking the law problem. My family though, was safe. For now.

Jasper stuck the knife in a little more increasing the discomfort felt by the guard, "It would also be a way of sending a message to the Volturi that no one is safe. They attacked Caius' family the last time, did they not?" From his thoughts Jasper referred to that horrid night when Caius and Marcus' families had been ambushed. Marcus' had perished. Caius' by sheer luck had survived, although he'd lost three sons, a daughter, and his parents.

Jane said, "We will go to Seattle and investigate. I will call Aro on the way. If there is anything he wants you to know I will inform you of it on our return visit. Thank you for your hospitality, she beamed a winsome smile at the family, and with her black cape swirling around her, departed. She mentally wished us luck. From her mind, we were going to need it. And it would make her crabby, she discovered to her surprise, if she had to kill someone over Carlisle. He might be peculiar, but he was family.

One of her men hauled the body of the frozen immortal over his shoulder. He actually whistled as they left. Another lifted up the garbage bag that held the clothing from the murderers. Alec nodded at Father and took his time kissing every female in the coven goodbye on the top of the hand like a gentleman. He lingered a second too long over Mary Sue.

Their meeting - that between the Volturi and the family, not the one between Alec and Mary Sue - had taken fifteen minutes. I had distracted my human by having her sit in front of me on the ledge and stroking her hair. She was almost asleep. It couldn't hurt for her to nap. I could do it once she was in a deep state. I hummed to her my human Mother's lullaby, and she sighed in my arms nuzzling against me. I could hear her heart sink into the realm of Morpheus.

Once the stunned Volturi were out of hearing range, Father said, "Did you learn anything else from the hotel rooms?"

Mary Alice said, "Only that they had been in several cities lately. The flash drive that Edward found had records and pictures of each victim, and where they buried them." Of course they had copied the original flash drive, and had given that to the Volturi tucked in the pocket of one of the trousers they'd handed over in a garbage bag.

Mother said, "Find a way to anonymously mail it to the police. Dead or not, those families need to know where their children are."

"What about their cell phone records?"

Jasper said, "I'm still going through them. Most are to cell phones that are dead ends. I haven't finished going through them all, though. When you combine the resemblance of the victims to our family with the fact that they all died on dates of famous battles, it definitely looks like someone from our past, possibly mine, Carlisle's, or Eleazar's is being targeted."

"Why Eleazar?"

"I was in the guard longer than Jasper was with Maria's coven. And the women in Europe that were killed looked like Tanya, her sisters, and Carmen. All the dates of those murders were from famous vampire battles in European history. The ones in the States were from the Southern Wars, and I was active during them, too."

Since there aren't many recorded accounts of them floating around, that meant that only someone with intimate knowledge of them would know those details.

Father said, "We are not going to have a choice but to turn Bella. The Vancouver coven will have to cope. We have as many members as they do. And if they harm us, they will enrage the Volturi. They're bluffing with the threat of death, and the question is why they would bother since Liam is dead?"

Mary Alice said, "I think that Liam was training Bella to be his replacement. She plans on getting her Ph.D. in biology from the same program he attended. She has saved all of his work, Father. It's like the man merely left the room for a moment in his lab it's been kept so pristine."

Jasper said, "Since the food supply is dwindling, and they don't appear to mix with humans, they need her to go to school. So if she was turned, depending on how long it took for her to control herself, it could delay that plan anywhere from two to fifteen years. And at the rate Edward said the algae were dying, they don't have that time."

Mother said, "So why not simply demand that we solve their problem in return for turning her? It's not normal for them to even give her a second thought."

Rosalie said, "From what Edward said, I think Eve feels guilty because she left Liam for an immortal. This could be her way of dealing with it."

"Why?"

"Because they were together for forty years, right? And Bella has no idea. So that means that when she came during the summers, that Eve had to share Liam with Bella. She could only see him at night when Bella was asleep because Liam was around her all the time. And that must not have sat well with her. I would resent like hell having to share Emmett with a human. Even a child."

"I don't understand the direction you are going with this Rosalie." Father said.

"The Vancouver coven claims that they have looked out after Bella all this time and have her best welfare in mind."

"Correct. They certainly showed it by marking her," Jasper said impatiently. He didn't see the point, either.

"Look at all the accidents she has had simply in our presence. They never intervened the night of the truck accident. If Edward and Alice hadn't found her at home when she had pneumonia, she'd have been dead in a day. And Edward said she fell several years ago in Liam's cave and broke her leg. They left her there for hours. If Seth hadn't have found her, she'd have died, then, too. How is that looking out for her welfare?"

Father said, "From what the medical records say, her leg had been set when she arrived at the hospital."

"How nice of them. Did they give her painkiller? Treat her for shock? Hold her hand?" They all shook their head.

"When she was in the hospital all that time, did you ever hear a peep from the coven?"

"No," Father said.

Mother said, "Just because they did not call does not mean that they did not know. Miss Grace told Edward that they had been watching over Bella for a 'long time' and that could mean that they have a way of observing her that we can't detect."

"Edward would hear them." Emmett said.

"He never heard Paula," Mary Alice countered.

"Oh. Right. Dang."

"She did have that gyrfalcon attack the mortal." Emmett said. "Which was disgusting, but effective."

"Yeah, but they didn't work earlier when she really needed them, did they?" Rosalie argued. No one had an answer to that. Why stamp her all over if the tool didn't work?

"We will simply have to keep a constant watch on Bella. If possible, it would be best to wait until she finishes school to turn her. But if Jane or Alec or one of the other Volturi appears, we'll have to act quickly."

"I suspect that Edward is going to be a problem. It's strange. He's never said a thing about not wanting to turn any other person." Emmett said. That was because we had never contemplated turning any other person. Moron.

Father said, "Edward saw how difficult it was for Rosalie. He did not like that she did not have a choice, and I understood his position. You were in no state to talk to me that night, my dear. I think he fears making that decision, but ultimately I know that he will do the right thing. He is clearly in love with her. And having Bella in his life has made him happier than I've ever seen him." How little they knew me. I was completely miserable. Holding her in my arms. Inhaling her scent. Touching her lips that I could never brush with my own with my fingertips. She whispered my name, and it flayed me to hear it.

Mother asked Jasper, "Dear, can you give me a sense of how he was like emotionally last night at home?"

"He's obviously conflicted as he cares for Bella but does not want to tear her from her family. She would never be able to see the Clearwaters again, and he knows how important they are to her. I suspect he would be perfectly content to live with her remaining human."

Emmett said, "But if she stayed human, I don't see how he could be with her, you know, I mean like a spouse." My brother had the manners to appear uncomfortable discussing something so private in front of the Denalis and newborns.

"I think she is worth more to him than that, Emmett." The newborns' eyes widened at the very thought of me being willing to live with a mortal. Like that.

Emmett nodded, "But yeesh."

Jasper said, "I honestly was worried there for a while he might do something foolhardy, but he changed his mind."

"What do you mean?" Rosalie's voice became shrill.

Irina gave him a cautious glance.

"For a minute, there, I could feel such anguish in him, when he told us about the treaty with the Vancouver coven, the only thing I could conclude was that he had decided to take her life."

"By turning? Of course he'd take her life," Tanya said in a bored tone.

"That's not what I meant. Take her life like Rosalie and I intended on taking her life not so long ago." Tanya hid her joy at that idea from everyone but Jasper who gave her a look. She stared off into the distance, ignoring him.

Carlisle and Esme gasped. "How could he?" Mother said.

"It's his decision to make since he is the one who claimed her," Rosalie pointed out in a dull voice. "And if he did it, he would do so to protect us, so none of us has the right to criticize him for it." My sister argued with ruthless logic. "We know the laws. And Jane and Alec could be back any time. We can't assume we'll be that lucky again."

It had not occurred to them that I would not be returning. Ever.

Carlisle said, "Alice do you see anything that should concern us?"

My sister sighed and said, "I see too many outcomes and I don't know which one he'll pick. Half the time he ends up making a decision at the last minute, so I'm surprised regardless of how many visions I have. And there have been several times when things happened, like Hezekiah's initial visit, which I never saw. So I'm going to have to trust Edward to believe in himself and do the right thing." At first, she thought of that vision of my girlfriend and I standing and smiling under the trees. That was followed by another of them packing up my things from my bedroom, Mother crying.

See, even Mary Alice understood my position.

My singer mumbled, "stupid" against my chest kissing me. If we could just work on raising those lips....what was I thinking? I frowned, as despair coursed through me. I was counting the breaths and heartbeats, stalling for precious time. Thinking of Sister Claire's words of hope, I repeated a prayer or twenty-nine on my dear little one's behalf. Not that I personally believed in them. But for her, I'd break my decades long fast and utter the syllables. For her soul.

_To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve..._repeated in my mind along with Genevieve's reminder, _don't be late._ And her warning about red-eyed people being after her granddaughter.

_Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears..._was the next line of the prayer.

I heard Eve's voice saying, _"She can't be turned. Or we would have to attack."_

The shade of Sister Claire said all those years ago, _"A soulless creature would not hold my hand. Or talk to me. Or care. God loves us all . . . God loves you. Else you would not be here with me. You have a purpose in this life."_

The only thing that I could determine was that my purpose was to protect her and my family. Sister Claire said so.

When Mary Alice had shown me the vision of the possible future with my bride, with us leaning happily against a tree staring into each other's eyes, I had dared to have the hubris to hope it could come true. I had begun to stock the cave so that she would be comfortable when I brought her here to see it. I knew she was short, so I had placed stones that were square and hand carved by me as observation points around the cave to afford her a better view. I'd constructed railings so that she would not fall into the lower region. That happiness mocked me now as I stared with rue at the lights glinting in her hair in the image of Impossible Future Us in the forest.

Speaking of light, I decided she needed to see my favorite part of the cave. That could be her last vision. Aside from her face, it was what I would have wanted to see had I been lucky enough to depart this earth to heaven. But I knew better. I would go straight to hell. FitzCarrion would see to it. I had planned it this way.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"There's something I wanted to show you."

"Important enough to wake me when I'm so comfortable?"

There was little I could say that would be the truth. So I simply stroked her hair.

"Fine," She grumbled. "This better be worth it, buster." She stabbed my chest with a forefinger on each word of that last sentence before unwrapping her arms from me and pulling away. She playfully splashed water at me. I pretended to ignore her. Not that I could ever do that.

I had always planned on bringing her here one day. I never thought it would be in circumstances this ghastly. Piled neatly by a set of towels, I had left a clean set of clothing for her nearby in a sealed plastic bag, a week ago when I'd been on a hunting trip. The plastic bag mocked me now.

"There's an area right over there with a pillar that you can change behind. I've brought you dry clothing and a towel." I lifted her from the tub, letting go of her reluctantly. She trailed water behind her flicking drops at me. They reminded me once again of the holy water from all those years ago. When they hit, they stung like boiling oil. And I turned my back like the gentleman I was not.

While she changed, using wood I had stored months ago, I set up a small fire in an area of the cave that the ventilation from the crevice in the ceiling would permit to burn safely. I had to do this in order to see the plan through.

Using a towel on her hair, she emerged in dry clothes that fit her, thanks to a trip to the store and Marcia's excellent taste.

After setting the fire, I had changed behind a pillar at vampire speed into a dry set of clothes as well. I hadn't wanted her to be cold.

"Oh, that feels nice," she held her fingers out toward the fire to get warm. "What are we going to do when we leave? I'm just going to get soaked again."

I thought, _'Unfortunately, we were not leaving. Ever.'_ I would never forsake her, even in my own death. I thought of Hezekiah's first resting place. God, I've turned Faulknarian like 'a Rose for Miss Emily.' Upon further consideration, Miss Emily didn't seem so unhinged now, after all. But I'd one up her. I wouldn't stay alive.

"You look so sad, Edward." She said.

"I'm merely tired." That was entirely a lie. I felt weary. But I had to see this through.

The fire burnished her hair with auburn and gold, reminding me of the Impossible Future Us. "I have something for you." My voice sounded shy, and broke on the last word.

She said nothing.

"It was my Mother's. She gave it to me not long before she died. I want you to have it." I held out the locket. Her face blossomed into a radiant expression, that almost mimicked Future Her from Mary Alice's vision.

"Edward, it's lovely." For a second, I feared she'd weep.

"Come over here and look at the view and I'll put it on you." Said the spider to the fly.

And I couldn't stand myself in that moment. "This formation, it looks like a pipe organ to me. What do you think?" I directed her gaze to an area that had curtains of stalactites polished by time. It was easy to get lost inside the swirls and the complex turns and twists.

"It's like the bottom of a broom became confused and turned into white marble instead," she said.

The stalagmites in front of them appeared like someone had spent thousands of years carving them into intricate patterns as they rose like stalks of flowers from the floor of the cave.

Genevieve would want me to protect her grandchild by ensuring her a quick and painless passing. She'd known what I was thinking and hadn't told me otherwise on her last visit. With a heavy heart, I had come to understand that I had her blessing to commit this abominable act of mercy. I memorized the back of her head as she stood a bit in front of me peering around at the formations in wonder while I placed the locket around her neck, ignoring the bird on her nape, who appeared to be sleeping. Rare bursts of sunlight entered through a small crevice in the ceiling and reflected against the walls like a mirror illuminating the room with white light. With the candles scattered about the chamber, it looked like we stood in a cathedral of sorts. The hot spring in the corner bubbled merrily away like a holy water font, adding to the illusion of peace, so ironic, given what I had planned.

Finally, after dawdling as long as I could, I fastened the locket around her throat. I couldn't help but trace my fingers along the side of her neck. I expected the combination of her medallion and the locket to clash, and indeed she appeared weighted down by baubles. The pride on my Mother's face as she asked me to give this to a woman I cherished scourged me.

When I had started altering this cave to make it more presentable, I had measured a rock that was high enough for Mary Alice be able to see the view and be tall enough to where she was my equal. Somehow it seemed wrong to have my girlfriend there. She stepped onto that same square-shaped rock in front of me. It was about a foot and a half off the ground. Since she was taller than Mary Alice it made her about two inches taller than me. Taking note of the discrepancy, my little bottle cap laughed, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as I came from behind her to stand at her left side. She stood in the perfect angle for me to strike from the side. This was going to be too easy. This was going to kill me. My chest constricted. I felt as if thousands of enemy arrows pierced my flesh burning with venom's kiss.

"Oh wow, Edward that is amazing! It looks almost like a totem pole over there with a staff in his hand." She pointed to a cluster of stones. I thought of those dreaded Quileute spirits, as I saw Sequoyah's face imposed over the rocks. They could keep their blasted power. I wouldn't need it where I was most likely going. She was worth more to me than all the power in the world.

"The best view is of the ceiling," my traitorous mouth suggested. She craned her neck and spread her arms wider to maintain her balance.

In an excited tone, she said, "Oh Edward, look over there," she spun and slightly stumbled, catching herself on my left shoulder, spinning me slightly, as she faced my deceitful countenance. I felt like my infected corpse would explode in agony when she threw her arms around me and spontaneously hugged me.

"Edward this is so much better than planning a trip. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It's glorious. I can see why you come here," her warm breath teased my ear.

Flopping like a fish tossed from a lake onto arid ground, my arms waved in the air for a few moments before finding her back. It was almost like they were rebelling against me and did not want me to touch her. Taking in her scent for one last time, I closed my eyes and let the anguish rip through me. Sue Clearwater telling Mother that my girlfriend did not like to have physical contact with others replayed in my head along with her saying how amazed she had been at the sight of her willingly touching me and seeming so comfortable.

In her luminous eyes I saw the exact smile from Impossible Future Us. I wanted to scream aloud at God for being cruel, as I closed my lids, fighting the urge to cry, shaking with grief. Now I understood why He had put her in my life. She was the ultimate punishment for my sins. And God knew what I would have to do, all along. She must have sensed my need, as her arms squeezed about me, and she ran her hands up my back. I kept my horrid hands still on her small frame. I couldn't use them just yet. I couldn't say goodbye. I needed a little more time. Mentally, I begged pitiless Fate.

Lost in my thoughts, talking myself into what I was going to have to do, I froze when I felt her lips graze across my cheek as she pulled away from the embrace. Only God could be that vengeful, I thought, as I loosened my arms. Dangling her before me, having her this close, while knowing I had to save her by giving her up. This was the right thing. This was the difficult choice. I was Abraham from the Bible with precious Isaac, except despite my pleas no angel appeared to halt my hand.

This sacrifice was going to destroy me. This had to be done to ensure my family's survival. And I wasn't going to change my mind. I couldn't live with myself. With or without her. With the birds on her body, I wouldn't have to. They'd take care of me for my actions, and deposit my limbs in the fire. It was only right. I definitely deserved a painful death.

So canting my head at her, I opened my eyes and moved in for the .....I smoothed my features into a blank expression. I kept repeating in my mind, "This is for the best. This is for us." I could not bear to see what the Volturi would do to her with the gyrfalcon marks she had on her, given the vast resources they had at their disposal. The birds couldn't kill all those immortals in their ranks. I kept seeing them toy with the human in Ohio taking turns munching on him before his bereft lover. The woman's eyes encouraged me to act.

FitzCarrion stared at me stone-faced. Even he knew. Neither he, nor any of his flock attempted to stop me by uttering so much as a cheep. And she could never be turned; she hated the very scent of blood. I acted solely out of her welfare. I could never put her through the pain I'd experienced as an immortal, the revulsion she'd felt for taking that man's life would pale to what she would feel with vampire enhanced senses raging through her. Not that she'd live longer than a nanosecond after turning, regardless. The Volturi would still kill her and my family.

I could never willingly give up her scent, and keep her around as a vampire - what purpose would she serve? Aside from those chess games, and conversations, really....and her ability to keep me guessing, and her love of military strategy, and her penchant for crumpled flowers and surprises, her complete acceptance of my vampire nature, and the way she seemed to fit perfectly in my arms at night. That old Quileute Elder who had given her Ephraim's journal had been right in his own way when describing me to her. Heart problem indeed. Forehead resting against hers in silence, I breathed heavily.

Then I moved in for the kill. Smiling in a rictal grin, mouth flapping like a baby bird, I consoled myself that sometimes life forced you to make impossible choices. I acted solely out of her welfare, unselfishly spurning my singer. And since I hadn't started slamming around on the cave floor, I had her relatives' blessing. This must have been what they were warning me about all along. I'd been too blind to see. I had not wanted to see. I had always believed since awakening to my interminable hell, that Fate was hateful. I'd never realized until precisely this moment just how much, though.

My hands were in the perfect position to snap her neck quickly and painlessly, as I ran them up from her shoulders. She put her fingers on either side of my face, cautiously tracing a line from my forehead to my cheekbones in wonder. Her thumbs grazed my lower lip.

I stared at her, without saying a word, trying to use all my acting ability not to weep. I couldn't bear this life without her, so I'd follow. Mary Alice would know, because I had most definitely made up my mind. We would not be the cause of my family's death.

Hating Fate, I tried to take in the last memory of her face as she smiled shyly at me. I shut my eyes, gritted my teeth, blinked away the weak human tears, and swallowed. Jarring me from my debate, I felt her breath on my cheek. I gasped as her warm lips touched my skin above my cheekbone. This could not be happening now. I had encountered a new form of Hell. Then, I felt them brushing ever so cautiously against my own. I froze like Lot's wife into the proverbial pillar of salt. My hands halted right as they were preparing to give the death snap on the fragile column of her throat. And then the unthinkable occurred.

As light as a moth's wings, the second her mouth touched me, pleasure is too tame a word for such joy - hummed through my entire body. Then like those typical O'Shea Swan women are wont to do she blindsided me by opening her lips and letting me taste her. A feeling that dwarfed the sensations I had experienced on that day involving that inadvertent venom leakage as well as the day involving the research purposes only experimental venom leakage awoke with a primal scream.

And my stars, she actually nibbled at my lower lip. Oh. My. Oh Me. Oh My. Oh My. Oh My. Oh My. When she shyly traced my lower lip with her tongue, Christ and all the Apostles, I could not help myself. I pulled her against me like a greedy-souled bastard that I was, intent on stealing her breath, kissing her to life instead. I felt a tremor rage through the earth.

Remembering Eve's caution, I molded my lips to hers, keeping her from my teeth. Her hands remained at the sides of my face gently stroking my unworthy flesh. I'd have to move her execution to a later date. I had priorities. Right now, I couldn't get enough of her.

Any reasonable vampire would have acted as I did, if kissed by his singer. And she kissed me first, for the record. Time had no meaning here. Lost in her, I had stepped away from the rock, carrying her with me. Her feet dangled above the cave floor and her hands remained at the sides of my face, gently stroking me. My dear little one took her time driving me stark raving insane with her mouth, wielding feather-light kisses with lethal precision. I let her have air every now and then. That was fair.

She awoke a slumbering beast that roared. I instantly became painfully aroused, and the desire to throw her over my shoulder and carry her off to a dark lair - wait, too late for _that_ we already were in one - to have my wicked way with her nearly undid me. I could feel the earth move under my feet and could not find it within me to give a damn. Seeing as her feet were off the ground it wasn't like she knew. And her passionate response absolutely terrified me as she threw her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs around my waist. Clearly, she had no sense of self-preservation and no idea what one touch of my venomous teeth could do to her flesh. Oh wait. She did. Drat. And she was the one who kissed me first, regardless. She just proved she was Chief Swan's daughter, no paternity test required.

To know that she realized that I was not human and kissed me with such genuine enthusiasm and pure acceptance humbled me. I had expected her to run screaming into the night, metaphorically speaking, us being in a subterranean cave during the day and all, fearing for her soul. Now that I knew her taste, I did not want to stop kissing her, and much to my delight, she shared my sentiments. Brilliant minds think alike.

And she was driving me _insane_ with lust. And despite never having engaged in it, prior to this second, she was very good at this kissing business. Although I had never kissed anyone before, I could not imagine feeling this way about another. I was so grateful I had resisted Tanya for all these years. Kissing my girlfriend was worth waiting nine decades, I vowed. I would cheerfully wait nine more if I could kiss her again.

If I thought her scent was divine, her touch magical, when you combined those two with her taste, you had walking vampire ambrosia - the fruit of the gods. No. Scratch that. This was _better_ than the fruit of the gods. Because if the gods had tasted this, they would have _never_ let her from their sight. I could _never_ get enough of this woman, I vowed, as I carefully paid homage to her eyelids, her nose, her chin, the hollow of her throat, the space under her ear, and her collarbone. She dragged me by the ears to her lips as I warned, "You cannot touch my teeth, Bella. It would kill you."

"Figured that out on my own, vampire boy."

"I am not a boy," I all but growled.

"Mmm you most certainly are right on that count." She whispered, and then blushed.

She kissed me, and I don't know what she did this time, what she pulled out of her bag of tricks that she had used so recently to clobber me into a carnal stupor. Whatever it was, with the flavor of her lips she lit every sense I thought I did not have left from zero to sensory overload. The cave started to tremble in earnest as I felt sexual arousal and the fury of my quandary roar through me as this wave of tenderness assaulted me, dragging me into a whirlpool, helpless as a bobbing coc----I mean cork.

I attempted to tamp down the raging emotions. I could see my hands were glowing against her face. Her pendant had started to shine with a blindingly bright light. When the roof began to shiver, I thought perhaps I should stop kissing her long enough to look around. Just to be on the safe side.

The earth rolled beneath our feet. Yelping, I pulled her to the ground and leapt on top of her. Not like that. Alas. For moral purposes, of course. We were covered with a shower of marble as the stalactite above us detached from the roof of the cave and plunged like a spear towards us. The jagged tip of it hit three inches from my right shoulder. Had I been human, we both would have been crushed as it smashed against me into smaller rocks.

All was silent in the cave in the aftermath. Silent as the grave. Save for her heart that fluttered like a little bird. And seventy-six candles that flickered defiantly. I'd had the bright idea to purchase some that were difficult to extinguish.

"Bella?" my voice was frantic.

The earth resumed trembling and immediately another shower of rocks fell down upon us and I continued to shield my girlfriend with my body.

Jugurtha emerged from his lair and bellowed, "You have got to maintain control or you really will kill her this time. Think of the water in the corner in the springs. Listen to it. Think of the silence. Focus on that." His voice hypnotized me. The earth stilled.

As the dust settled, I shrugged my shoulders and threw the rocks covering us away. I moved my hands across her body checking for broken bones as her eyes snapped wide.

"Are you well?" brushing marble dust off of her, I noted with concern that she was shaking and laughing. Her light green top was offset by the pendant which seemed to have a slight glow. I'd have to take her to the hospital and check her lungs. And God forbid, her eyes, the slivers of marble could blind her.

"Bella, how many fingers am I holding?" I commanded, waving two in front of her eyes. "What's so funny?"

I had an epi pen handy in case her lungs needed it. My question only made her laugh harder. Her lungs sounded clear. She held out two fingers and placed them against my own. I could not help but join her as her humor was contagious, hiding my relief. Lying on the ground, she reached up with a dainty hand and traced my cheek as I crouched above her.

"My Grandmother told me when I met the man that I would love, the earth would move when we first kissed. She told me that's how I would know he was the one."

The words poured from her mouth unthinking, to be snatched back with her silence and a flush. Staring me straight in the eye, she had told me she loved me and I hadn't answered. Instead, I kissed her back. That had to count for something. And I had let her live. So that was two things in my favor. Because once again she struck me dumb. My girlfriend loved me. Me.

"Like I said, your Grandmother was a genius," I said, thinking that she clearly sent that earthquake, repentant.

I kissed her right ear. Then her forehead, then----

She yanked me by the hair and pulled my lips down to hers. Yes ma'am.

I thought back to the sword of Damocles that insolently spun above us. Rather than waiting for it to fall like a guillotine, I decided I would be better off snatching the blade for my own use from Fate. Sometimes you had to make your own destiny.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I gathered as much power as I could. I was definitely going to marry this woman, which meant she had to stay in one piece. The Vancouver coven and their treaty were with a deceased party, done without her consent, and therefore null and void. And threatening my family's welfare made me positively cranky. The fact that I'd even contemplated laying a hand on her to snuff out her irreplaceable life sent my rage soaring into the clouds. Green light blazed from me, white from her.

"Edward? You're glowing. And so am I."

"Hush, dear," I whispered back, kissing along her cheekbone.

Her glorious hands were encased not only in the shields I had constructed, but in white fire that sent waves of energy through me with each brush of my lips on her skin. Mentally, I reached out to the Other Immortals. I sensed Eve's spiritual body sitting on a stoop in the cave surrounded by the men under her command. Primal rage must have fueled me, because I didn't feel any Quileute spirits joining me at that particular moment. So I asked them ever so politely if they would mind offering me assistance.

I looked up at the sword of Damocles smirking at me from my imaginary hands and swung with a mental roar.

Defiantly, I erected a barrier over the algae that landed with a deafening crash like the ringing of the portcullis as it clanged shut in front of an invading army of slavering barbarians. Each one of the Other Immortals on guard duty leapt into the air like electrocuted cats and pulled out their weapons. The pool glowed with the dark green power of the Quileute spirits who were only too happy to oblige since they wanted those scum suckers off of their ancestral land, seeing as they had been murdering most of its inhabitants and all, tribe members included, for generations.

My mental presence remained invisible in the cave as I erected new thicker barriers around my family slamming them up with such force that everyone, the wolves included, leapt into the air and stared in awe.

There was a new order in town. A new game plan. School was once again in session. Alas, Jacob Black was not in town for a tutorial, but I was a patient demon and could prioritize. Sometimes.

Father smiled widely and said to the family, "Edward appears to have been inspired. I'm sure he'll be home soon to tell us his news."

Moving back to the slime pit that nearly cost my dear little peach her life, my voice resounded in a wintry blast, "No one dictates what happens to my bride. I refuse to honor any treaty alleged or otherwise that you made with Liam, seeing as he's dead and all, was not her legal guardian, and had no right to make decisions on her behalf.

She is my family. She is my life. And if she was_ that_ important, you wouldn't have left her to rot for hours with a broken leg and concussion all those years ago in the cold on the cave floor. You would most definitely have told us who was trying to kill us and her the other night, which you failed to do.

And I'll starve every last one of you before I permit you to touch a hair on her head or that of my family. I suggest you pay a timely visit to my brother Jasper to carve out a new agreement. I will let neither algae nor blood touch your lips until its ratified. If you refuse, I will destroy every last microbe in this cave."

The Quileute spirits were only too eager to aid me as I slid a second spiritual portcullis over the pit and it landed with a psychic ear-splitting slam.

I heard Sequoya's voice in my mind say, "You must sacrifice something. And we never meant _kill_ her, you imbecile."

Snarling at him I said, "I'm in the middle of starting a war. Do. You. Mind?"

"You need those powers to enforce that war, son."

"Fine! It's the 'you're too stupid to even be a white man,' routine again, is that it?" He snorted, and crossed his arms staring off to his left muttering. I continued ranting, "It has to be something important, something crucial, correct?"

He nodded. Hezekiah had sacrificed his entire tribe's welfare in test number one that the spirits had given him by risking placing all the ancestral knowledge in my supernatural by nature enemy of the tribe vampire brain. He'd offered his life in exchange for his wife's as he held his tongue while being beaten to death in test number two. The very idea of physically harming her at my own hands or watch her and my family die hurt every bit as much as his death, I vowed. And it had taken him twenty minutes to die. I'd endured this agony for days without causing earthquakes and explosions galore I'd fought so hard to hang onto my control. For her. They could have my life as long as she and my family were safe.

"We need you alive. Sacrificing your life is not an option at this time." I thought I heard him mutter the Cherokee word for 'imbecile.'

With a mental wail, I offered the only thing I had left that mattered, aside from my family which was NOT an option. The algae is what allowed me to kiss her now, without wanting to chomp her neck in half, I thought, as I moved my attention to that delicious region. In Jugurtha's honor, I flicked my tongue at vampire speed in the hollow of her throat as she and I both moaned. It was after all probably the only time I would ever be able to do it.

"Edward," Sequoyah said, clearing his throat. He stood with his back to us.

"Privacy please? We're having a romantic moment here," I snapped. "I'll give up the algae's power on me. Make me immune to its ability to dampen my bloodlust for her. Give me time, if you will, to escort her home. I need to get her from here safely."

It hurt to even utter the phrase. Like shards of vampire blades, it pierced my heart with each word.

Without so much as a "Sorry I interrupted your first kiss," or "A thousand apologies for making you think you had to sacrifice your girlfriend's life for thirty eight hours, fourteen minutes, and fifteen seconds." Offering a typically expressionless face, damn him; he vanished, as a wave ran through me. I suppose I had just passed their exam with flying colors. I'd been still a heartbeat too long for my girlfriend. So she decided to get my attention.

And she most definitely - - Holy Mother of God she bit my ear! I mean nibbled. I mean - - By Saint Peter's rod----Holy Jesus! That tingled all the way down to my toenails!

And I wanted her to do it again. Right now. Saint Peter could keep his rod. I had my own.

And giving proof to my whole 'we don't need to talk since we are one soul' theory, she answered my wish at the rumble of my growl. I could only return her attention. Chivalry said so. I knew she had scent-sational saliva, but my word. When you added taste to it, by Jove. And of course, I couldn't nibble her ear, because ew, I wanted her to keep it, I couldn't have a Van Gogh Girlfriend, so I used my tongue instead. Starched Shirt Edward would have to get a life. I would tongue her ear twenty four hours a day seven days a week if I could. Heaven would be swimming in a sea of her saliva. She tasted divine. Even her ear wax was sensational.

Returning for a brief moment to the substance I'd just sacrificed, I took one last mental look at Liam's slime pit from Hell and the stupefied immortals that stood near its new glowing surface.

They stared in horror at the pool. One tried to touch it and shrieked as it shocked him with crackling waves. He held up a hand that was scarred, permanently, it looked like. It had the symbol of a snarling wolf on it. Pity. He screamed again when he realized that it had scarred his real flesh as well.

"What have you done?" One of the men, Doc, I'd nicknamed him on our first visit to Liam's cave, said to Eve, staring up from his friend Dopey's smarting like the dickens hand.

Infuriated, in a positively vicious tone, I spat, "She crossed the wrong Cullen."

One of them, Sneezy, I believe, said, "It's not like he can really hurt us from afar beyond a stinging palm. We'll go there with our seer and break whatever he's done. And teach him manners. His family, too." They nodded.

Grace appeared in front of the spiritual selves in all her twenty four foot finspan glory and hissed at Sneezy's sneer.

"And that _thing_ is really getting annoying, and needs to understand its place in the food chain." He pulled his sword and lunged at her.

Since he was in spirit form, I wasn't sure how that was going to work out for him. Blue flames of something that appeared unhealthy emerged from Grace's maw and coated Sneezy as he morphed into physical form inside the cavern. Still in spiritual form, all the Other Immortals scrambled back from the edge. Sneezy started screaming and rolling on the ground. His actual physical form had been blasted with some type of acid. Their seer must have done something from their thoughts to aid him. Too bad it wasn't enough. Sneezy phased back into spirit form and continued to roll around. His spirit form landed on the shield over the pool. Convulsing as if electrocuted, he burned into bones before his coven's gobsmacked eyes wailing the entire time.

I would have to remember to write a 'thank you' note to his ashes. Wielding the energy that surged through me, using Hezekiah's instructions, Grace and I followed Sneezy's spiritual trail. And eureka, we discovered the true meaning of those inked in lemon juice by Liam numbers. They were the modern day longitude and latitude of the we don't really live in Vancouver coven. How uncharacteristically considerate of Liam O'Shea.

I said to Jugurtha, "Please pen something putrid in thanks that we can leave in Liam's grave as an inappropriate token of our esteem."

Jugurtha laughed and said, "On it. Now back to focusing on the enemy. Then kissing."

Grace and I left the Vancouver coven the love note of putting up shields around every vat of algae we could find in a two thousand mile radius. I was quite surprised to find so many lost covens. Who knew?

In Oscan, I had Grace dispatch a note that appeared in front of Young to Me Old Power as she stood in her room carved below the earth in the Olympic National Forest.

"I'll not set a foot toward finding your brother until you rein in Eve and fix her mess. And do give your Mother my very best. Most sincerely, yours, Edward Cullen." It fell to the floor at her feet.

So there.

And not to brag, but I left in a spiritual huff on that note. A big one.

After all, I had much better things to do with my lips. My girlfriend's, too.

* * *

**AN:**

***Appears pious* **

***blinks in innocence* **

**What? *waves arm dismissively* Pfft, I'm only extending canon, as Book Edward clearly stated in Twilight that he had not made up his mind if he would kill Bella or not on their first "date" in the meadow. In CC Edward's mind, he cannot handle the images that he retrieved from the Volturi of what they did to the vampire-human couple they killed. He keeps seeing Bella's face and there's no way, he vows, that he would ever let her endure that kind of torture. And if he turns her, then his family dies. If he doesn't, then his family dies. In his mind, by taking himself and Bella (he really was going to do himself in) out of the picture, that solves the problem. He'll go to hell where he belongs, and she'll go straight to heaven where no one can hurt her. Except he can't do it. He can't hurt her like that. And the quandary he's in is making all those newborn emotions that he's unfamiliar with roil around with the pressure of a tsunami. And he's stunned into submission that she appears to like him regardless of that "By the way, I'm a walking corpse" issue. **

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward entertains the recovering Bella at his bachelor pad. He and Rosalie engage in some sibling bonding and a walk down misery's lane. Edward's family is all kinds of curious about his recent manslaughtering with the mostest they've ever seen ways and decide they can't wait to turn him into their own personal stool pigeon. Jasper in particular is slobbering at the thought of making Edward squeal, out of professional courtesy, of course. Information squeal not any other kind of squeal. Fine, maybe a shriek of pain or two if he can get away with it. But yeesh, you all are disgusting to go there. *blinks in piety***

**Jasper is straight. Jasper is not attracted to Edward. He's going to be repeating that to himself for the rest of the story, thanks to you all. Perverts. Now where was I……Oh.**

**Tanya attempts to counsel Sam about his accidentally killing of humans galore. She's miffed that despite being in mourning and all, he's not that into her. But she's trying to help, regardless of that whole supernatural enemies and stench business. And Atilla the Hun smelled worse. Sort of. But she still managed to suck….never mind.**

**Carlisle and Eleazar pay a visit to Angela Webber to determine if there's any reason why high in the instep immortals should be sniffing around her. Bella contacts her friends and family to offer comfort where she can. Except for her Father. Who she is still not talking to due to that whole lying to her for fifteen plus years business about her disability. As far as Carlisle is concerned Bella still has a big sign around her neck that says, "Bite me!"**

**Paula and Leah have a talk about imprinting. Leah really knows how to hold a grudge. Edward has a disturbing vision about the Volturi and their dealings with the Cincinnati coven. He decides to take Bella on a tour of the National Forest and National Park for old time's sake.**

**Jane and Alec and their flunkies had a charming visit in the forest, orchestrated by the sly as a devil cousin Carlisle who dangles vampire blades and cool looking jewelry in front of them and sends them off on their skulking way to terrorize the next group of vampires. Before they leave, the cheerful news spreaders that they are those pesky Italians, inform the Cullens that the murder victims they've been tracking across the globe resemble the women of the Cullen and Denali covens. Tanya is seriously pissed they killed lesser looking humans. No one could look as pretty as she. The nerve of some people. Irina looks excited as this means she has another reason to kill immortals. Jasper, Eleazar and Carlisle are wondering collectively who they pissed off that bad. **

**So Edward had a test from the Quileute spirits and man it was a real killer to study for. But he passed it, only because Bella totally cheated. Although the Committee is going to tear him a new body part in the next chapter for being terminally stupid, among other things. Edward did make a significant sacrifice involving his singer. The Vancouver Coven and all the others that they supply with sludge is on a hunger strike. They just don't know it yet. And it's all Eve's fault. Edward is totally going to make her his bitch. Seriously. Liam said he could. Stay tuned for the next episode of 'As the Human Turns.'**

**Please leave Starched Shirt Edward a review. Before he expires from a heart attack. Main Edward, too.**

**And Douglas the Destroyer would love to hear from you as well. **

**

* * *

**

**References:**

**This is a marble cave in Russia that I relocated to the National Park. I thought it looked a lot like Native American carvings.**

http://media (dot)englishrussia (dot)com/marble_cave/1_007(dot) jpg

**Cicero****'s **_**Tusculanae disputations**__** is an interesting read for my budding classics scholars out there.**_

**The United States Department of Veteran's Affairs runs the National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:**

**http://ncptsd **(dot)**va **(dot)**gov/ncmain/index **(dot)**jsp**

**The National Institute of Mental Health has a useful web site as well:**

**http://www **(dot)**nimh **(dot)**nih **(dot)**gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index **(dot)**shtml**

**The statistics cited in this chapter unfortunately are true. They came from the web site of the American Psychological Association:**

**http://www **(dot)**apahelpcenter **(dot)**org/articles/topic**(dot)** php?id=6#Post-Traumatic%20Stress%20Disorder**

**For more on amber and fossils:**

**http://www **(dot)**fossilmuseum **(dot)**net/Tree_of_Life/FossilAmber **(dot)**htm**

**I swear to God, I didn't make this up. They really do statistical analyses on bust sizes in order to make better bras. In Japan. But still. **

**http://www **(dot)**physorg **(dot)**com/news156096749 **(dot)**html**

**The story of Cincinnatus is interesting:**

**http://www**(dot)** dl **(dot)**ket **(dot)**org/latin1/historia/people/cincinnatus01**(dot)** htm**

**The plant life of the region is fun to research. Who knew they had that many ferns?**

**http://wwwfac **(dot)**mcdaniel **(dot)**edu/Biology/wildamerica/redwoodforest/Efernredw **(dot)**html**

**For more on twin stars:**

**http://www **(dot)**nsf **(dot)**gov/news/news_summ **(dot) **jsp?cntn_id=111724**

**A Rose For Miss Emily by William Faulkner is absolutely riveting:**

http://www (dot) wwnorton (dot)com/college/english/litweb05/workshops/fiction/faulkner1 (dot)asp

**For more on marble caves:**

http://www (dot).

http://russianpictures (dot) net/?p=99

http://www (dot) nps (dot) gov/orca/index (dot) htm

**And lastly, there really is research out there on the history of bras. **

http://www (dot) prima-donna-bras (dot) com/history-of-bras/bras-after-1930/

**Just ask Starched Shirt Edward. Jugurtha is currently traumatizing him with the Panache catalog. Please leave him a review. **


	44. HOD pt 33 About that Kissing Business

**My philosophy as a writer is that if you are simply reading this, then you've given me the gift of your time, and I sincerely thank you for that. If you review – that's icing on the cake. And I think based on the communication I have received in reviews and PM's that I can honestly say that I have the best readers in the world – most of which are far funnier than I could ever hope of being. **

**Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing for me. Go read her story. It's wonderful. And Douglas has a cameo.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. But the characters of Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, The Other Immortals, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron. So there.**

**Many thanks to Lizzie for the rec: http://blogdiaryoflizzyvamp1901 (dot) blogspot (dot) com/**

**And LJ Summers: http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/1965916/LJ_Summer**

**And to Sheeijan: http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/454295/Sheeijan**

**And to Mizra for the recs on the Lion and the Lamb and general awesomeness.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading.**

**Shout outs to my muses. Your reviews were hilarious. And helpful. You all rock. Sexysadie13, Lady Dragona, Nicolina, tazz, Robs_Muse, sariedee, antipyro, pomme_de_terre, twibrarian88, BellaS, twifam1, Disney Vampire, Cavriola, June, Venus308, jaijaimays, Rogue, Cullen Concession, silly sad sarah twilighted, notmyself, nyaris, AliciaZA, smiles, sweetswirlypop, Ksangi, fitten, pclo, fanficreader83, fleuritup, elphabacy35, Mav, Kaydence, , Killeen, Merrisol, oncebitten, twilightluver6, katrela, Moni_MD, mizra, SiouxNaturalsCharmedVampire, Tapiana, bisalein, TwilightMomofTwo, Chloe9, kingsley smirnov, HarlemBella, jmolly, Viridis73, ldybnny, Nethead, Miss Poison, Matahari, Cindy Windy, prettyflour, dellatwi, Pamela J. Austin, writz, austexfan, Forest Sentry Koneji, squarepancake, RedneckAngel, Codelina, bitandhooked, LJSummers, Mutt N. Feathers, Angelbach, luvredwardcullen, .Yami.16., etharay, and Cullen Pearl.**

**

* * *

**

**Snarky Summary:**

**We cockblock (since SM characterizes them as stone would the technical term be rockcockblock? Or stonecockblock? Or sparklyrockcockblock? Inquiring minds want to know) – I mean *clears throat* interrupt this make out session to tell you of the events of the last chapter. Edward kinda sorta took Bella to his lair with most definite impure intentions. Not **_**those**_** impure intentions. Other impure intentions of a permanent sort. For her own good, though. For them. Seriously. **

**While he was stalling for time, Jane and Alec came visiting the exponentially expanded by the vampire equivalent of cockroaches trampires Cullen Clan. The wolves stayed at home because making the Volturi vomit in tandem, while amusing, would have been rude. Esme said so. Peter and Charlotte stayed home out of fear of scaring Alec and Jane with their venom scars. Yeah, that's right. That's the ticket. They had a case of self-preservationitis. From the visit, the Cullens learned that some group has been transversing the globe murdering women that bear a resemblance to the Denali Women and the Cullen Women. How rude. Can't they just send a voodoo doll like every other self-respecting sociopath? Hmmm? But I digress. **

**Bella's fate is hanging by a kiss. A scorching one, mind you, but there you have it. Edward decides that he has to keep her above ground in their underground haven because of her talents in the…fine art of philematology – in which she apparently is a prodigy. So says Edward the unexperienced *clears throat* only been kissed by peaches and apples – allegedly cucumbers, too, expert on kissing. And he earned a misdemeanor in lusting after honeydew and cantaloupes. But still. And for the record he did not want to kiss that doll or that innocent fruit and was in no way aroused while doing so.**

**When spying on his family, Edward realizes that Jasper is thinking too much for Edward's own good. He'll have to do something about that. The list of relatives that wants to have a cozy private fire-side chat with Edward is growing. The only one not on it is Dr. Phil.**

**Since Edward's all pissy, metaphorically speaking, alas, he throws a bit of a tantrum and decides to have a smackdown with the Other Immortals declaring invalid that pesky treaty between Liam and the Sludge Suckers and does something teensy like oh, pfft, start a war. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder assuring me that there is nothing "teensy" about him. Fine. So Main Edward decides to wield his sword….I mean THE sword of Damocles for a change and issues an order or two heard for 2,000 miles. He wins. Shot glasses down. And Grace totally has his back. And she gives entirely new meaning to the term lougie with that acid burning routine of hers. The Vancouver Coven – who actually do not live in Vancouver at all - the weasels - all have pictures of Ghandi posted in their dwellings courtesy of Edward to aide them in their hunger strike for peace. Let the games begin.**

**

* * *

**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Thirty Three - About That Kissing Business**

I must admit, for someone who didn't really speak English, Grace did take awfully good dictation. Her penmanship was exquisite. And the stationary appeared elegant as it fluttered to the floor of the underground cavern that Young to Me Old Power occupied. She wore a smirk, and shook her head. Despite several attempts on my part, I could not read her mind due to those iron clad barriers she had in place - heck the coven had around the whole place. But I could watch.

My impression from observing her was that she thought I played games far above my league. She was about to learn the hard way the fruits of Eve's folly. I may not have talked well, much at all in the past seven decades, but I meant what I said. When I wasn't lying, of course.

The now six dwarves, as I had nicknamed the Other Immortals that had guarded the cavern - that cave they could no longer enter thanks to yours truly enraged anti-hero- surrounded Eve in their headquarters. They appeared to reside in a large cavern with freshly mowed stalagmites. One brown haired chap bellowed, "What in the name of the gods did you say?"

Voice cracking, Eve straightened her shoulders, "I told him the truth, that relationships with mortals don't last."

Several winced in sympathy with her and then, I suspect, remembered that whole dead colleague issue by the return of their furious physiognomies. Doc, as I had nicknamed him due to his elderly appearance and remarkable resemblance to that cartoon character that Mary Alice admired, shook his head at her and said, "You had to have done more than that. He just killed Thesanthiel!"

"Thesanthiel made the first aggressive strike. He attacked that thing first."

"He's dead either way," Doc snapped. "So what did you say?"

"I told him that he cannot turn Bella. I tried to teach him how to kiss her without killing her - not physically." She stared at the short blonde man who stood by her side - I assumed he was her mate - Sleepy. "I told him we had a treaty with Liam."

"Now you decide to develop a conscience and get protective of her? You better hope your cousin doesn't dismember you personally for your interference."

"They planned on turning her tonight. We all know that since the Volturi came. And I promised Liam before he....died," under Doc's withering glare her voice silenced.

Dopey said, while rubbing the scorched into his flesh ever more wolf scar on his Fake Canadian palm, "You couldn't stand her when she was little. Why honor an agreement with him? He's dead. That Edward is right, any agreement we had with him is null."

"I gave Liam my word," she snarled, "and I mean to keep it."

"We were expected to make deliveries to the other covens. How are you going to explain this? Now we are in violation of multiple treaties the globe over."

Eve said, "We'll have to negotiate a new treaty. The Cullen leader is reasonable. He will not endorse what this young one did. I would dare to speculate Carlisle Cullen knows nothing of what the young one has done."

I heard yelps about invasion and other such bother in the 2,000 miles that I had put shining barriers around every container of algae that I could find. Cell phones started ringing in the headquarters of the Fake Canadians. Well, at least I had kept Young to Me Old Power occupied and out of my hair. It sounded from the tenor of the answered cell phone calls that she would have some fancy negotiating to do.

Young to Me Old power detected my presence which I hadn't tried too hard to hide. I thought I could make a show of force and remain watching them. She had other ideas, and with a vicious tug, slammed down some kind of shield that my smarting brain decided we would challenge another day.

Then my future bride had to go and yank on my collar, pulling me away from hilarious hissy fits across the globe. She was absolutely right. This was more important. Speaking of which, school time still was in session of another sort.

"And because you are the most important thing in my existence," that could take the place of _'I love you'_ I thought, "if we are to kiss, there must be rules, Bella."

I moved back from her to take in some fresh air and tried to focus a little bit less on her scent and chomping her neck which I kind of sort of wanted to do in more ways than one.

"Rules? What kind of rules?" she peered up at me bewildered.

"Rules designed to keep you in one piece, my dear. From time to time, my razor sharp teeth are coated with venom, and if your fingers were caught on them, or your lips or any part of your body for that matter, the results would be tragic and devastatingly painful. We cannot kiss if you have a cut in or on your mouth or face."

"Really?"

"Swear on my honor." I waited for the earth to open up at my feet and suck me down into the waiting arms of Hell for that remark. I continued, "Alas, this will, of course require instruction. And given your recent losses at chess," she inhaled in umbrage, "Since you strike me as slow, I will sadly be forced to offer you repeated lessons. Allow me to demonstrate the proper way to kiss one such as me." I didn't want to add - 'the only man you'll ever kiss.' I wasn't quite a man after all. What would have been appropriate in its place? 'The only demon you'll ever kiss,' sounded off-putting somehow. So, too, 'The only possibly soulless fiend you'll ever kiss.' Too wordy.

Starched Shirt Edward picked now to insert his unsought presence and chastise me for improper lip contact with our dear little one in addition to the staying over her body unusually long foul he also called on me. Scandal-fearing Spoilsport.

"Fine. I hurled at him, "You stay quiet when I'm contemplating killing her to save her soul, but now that the decision has been made and all the drama is ended, you burst in to regulate my first kiss? Go directly to Hell. And stay there."

Never mind that I asked Jugurtha to distract him with lingerie catalogs. In the face of temptation, his ethereal flesh failed.

He tapped his foot impatiently, "I'm trying to save her soul. We knew you wouldn't do something so horrid, anyway." He nodded at the silent Jugurtha, poking him with his right elbow. Jugurtha remained still.

Starched Shirt Edward turned to him and said, "Well, didn't we?"

Jugurtha walked into his lair without a word.

Starched Shirt Edward twisted his head as if scenting his prey on the wind, stared at me as if I were an unexpected and undesired discovery under his shoe and breathed, "You really were going to take our dear little one's life?"

His lips moved much like a beached salmon, and he completed that illusion as he took on a strong resemblance to a stuffed fish from Chief Swan's office wall. When rage roared through him, his face transformed into one appearing as if it detected the same stuffed fish months after it had rotted, as his nostrils flared.

"I'm going to offer novenas to the Blessed Mother for at least a decade for that alone. Oh my poor soul." He clutched his heart and stumbled towards the prayer bench. Halfway there he changed his mind and said, "I can not pray while this angry." He went into the library and slammed the door, yelling, "No tonguing our dear little one, either."

Tongue? He stayed silent in the face of her imminent death and he was ranting about tongue? 'I'll show him tongue,' Perhaps it was time to listen to Jugurtha. Again.

With a wicked grin, I knew not what force consumed me. I threw my gentlemanly upbringing and refined manners aside, and pulled her by her shoulders from reclining on the ground to a sitting position facing me, but to my left. Our hips almost touched. I lowered ever so slowly my face to hers, remembering that whole lip and teeth business. Inhaling her scent, I trailed my lips in a path from the hollow of her throat to and flicked my tongue against her clavicle. God's teeth! She moaned aloud.

'_Take that,'_ I thought at Starched Shirt Edward. I could make a woman moan. I meant my woman. I planned on playing that sound back at a later date in my brain for hours. In the meantime, I had more samples to create. For research purposes, of course.

I caressed her scarlet face with my hand and she stunned me again my taking the very hand that had planned her death in her own and kissing it. "Edward, I think that I am definitely going to require repeated instruction as, unfortunately, are you."

"I, my Queen?" she questioned my skill? I had kissed ....well no one...aside from her. But since first scenting her, I had practiced in my mind. Assiduously. Often. Without any improper self touching. Or venom leakage. Sort of.

She pulled me against her and said, "I've never done anything this bold, but I figured since I almost died, I had to be brave just this once." She really had no idea of the truth of her words, I mordantly observed, and if she rated kissing me as bold, I could only wonder what category justifiably killing that animal with her vampire blade fell into on the Swan meter of conundrums. "You, of course, require lessons in how to properly touch a human. And I would be delighted to tutor you to correct this ...inadequacy."

As my jaw dropped in shock at her implication....inadequate?..The Devil... she surrounded my sulking lower lip with her own, cautiously avoiding my teeth, as I hissed in place, taking in her taste. When allowing her to breathe, I groaned without shame. She had no mercy. Not that I asked for it.

"This is the second time you kissed me." I managed to grit out when I pulled back from her, trying to maintain control. I could see the pulse in the hollow of her throat calling to me in a siren's serenade.

"Details, details. And Edward, I'm afraid I'm going to have to correct you again," she chided me with a wagging finger tapping against my nose.

"For what offense?" I traced down the skin of her shoulder moving to skim under her clavicle in a repeated circle. I definitely did not notice the smell of her arousal or her nipples that pressed against my chest.

"You clearly can't count." She kissed me again, pulling back just when I was becoming involved. "This is our fifteenth. Pay attention now." She sounded like a teacher. A very gorgeous teacher.

She kissed me again - and moved her lips from my greedy mouth to the side of my neck and the edge of my ear. How I loved my bossy human and her nonverbal requests. Only a gentleman would refuse; I contemplated, after I initiated another kiss with my mouth, as I separated our bodies to give her an opportunity to take in air.

While she caught her breath, I decided to let my lips explore. And in that moment, I most definitely was not a gentleman as my mouth tasted her flesh at the side of her neck. As she moaned, I realized that I could not continue this because I did not know what would happen if I climaxed, and did not want to use this opportunity by risking her newly precious life to find out; the memory of her destroyed dresser and shattered trees reinforcing that unwelcome idea. That, and FitzCarrion's duenna-like glare became annoying. I had mental visions of him leaping from her flesh and tearing off my....never mind. Mentally, I looked at him and snarled at vampire pitch, "So _now_ you're guarding her?"

He had the gall to scoff at me with a look like, _"We knew you didn't have the intestinal fortitude to go through with it. Puling Coward Bastard."_

Jugurtha said, "Ignore the bird, she's more important." Right. Good man. I mean vampire predator.

Impishly, I scooped her up into my arms and tossed us into the pool of warm spring water. She squealed as she came up for air, clinging to me.

"Gotcha," I smirked.

"That was wrong."

"Perhaps, but we needed to take a break. I must insist that we stop at kissing."

"Why?"

"That, my dear, is an excellent question. All this kissing business, I'm afraid, wakes up the predator in me, and I don't want to stop at kissing you."

"Who said I wanted you to," she baldly stated. Oh, dear merciful heavens, she was evil. Genevieve's spawn.

"Actually, aside from that whole desire business, it makes me want to tear your throat out. And I can't stop at one sip like the movies, Bella. I really would like to avoid that happening."

She laughed, "What am I, the vampire's equivalent of a Lay's potato chip?" I blinked at her in confusion.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that. You have no idea how easy it would be to drain your body of all of its blood. So I'm afraid, as sorry as it makes me, that we will have to negotiate boundaries, and when I say stop, I really do mean stop."

"Oh. Wow. I'm sorry." She squeaked. "Are you ok?"

I had asked Sequoyah to at least give me a grace period and it seemed that it had ended. I needed to leave, if only for a deer or two. Or I'd most definitely do more than kiss her.

Heaving out a breath, I said, "I am now that I've managed to distract myself. But I'm going to have to leave you for a few moments and hunt. I'm going to take you out of the water and you're going to have to promise me that you will remain in one place with both feet continuously on dry ground and not fall. I'll only be a few minutes." She nodded in agreement solemnly as I pulled her from the water and left her in place sitting on the stone she had stood upon to kiss me, wrapped in the Royal Velvet Down alternative blanket I had brought to the cave for her shroud. I walked over to the underwater entrance, and called over my shoulder, "I'll expect to have an exam ready when I return, to see if you have mastered your latest lesson."

Smirking at her gasp, I dove into the water and emerged after sensing no human activity. Bursting from the lake, I ran and found several Roosevelt elk who, conveniently, couldn't outrun me, to sate my thirst. After burying their bodies, and cleaning my hands, I sprinted to a nearby tree and all but flew into its branches. I was delighted no immortal had witnessed me feeding. I had leapt on those animals with such passion, one might have thought I had.....oh never mind.

Jasper had insisted on leaving clothing and supplies stashed in places humans couldn't easily find in case of emergencies - like having to leave town in the middle of a hunt. I had added things for her to the caches scattered across the National Forest and Park, and had left some of my own that the family did not know about. Removing two bags that contained full changes of clothing sealed in plastic, I leapt for the earth and my singer. I'd been gone six, perhaps seven minutes. I placed the bags near our shoes and Hezekiah's staff and dove.

As I swam down to the underwater entrance, I saw a bright light emanating from the cavern. That couldn't be good. I kicked at vampire speed and noticed the light appeared different from the color that her necklace made - this was white, yet golden. And, might I add, blinding as well, which theoretically speaking, should not be able to happen to an immortal. Although truth be told, around her, thanks to her insane relations, all bets were off. I actually had trouble navigating the entrance to the cave.

Springing from the water, I returned to her side only by smell. From the feel of my hands, she had followed my advice. The source of light seemed to be a fiery chunk of marble in her hand. I snatched it from her, placed it on the ground, and examined her for wounds as my eyes ceased stinging. Her flesh did not smell scorched.

"What is that?"

"I don't know. I found it on the floor in the rubble. I think it came from the roof. It called to me. When I hold it, light appears. It's kind of neat."

When I had touched it, the glow had immediately ceased. I placed an index finger on the odd-shaped stone, and nothing happened. Hmmm. She placed one finger beside mine and it began to shine, and then removed her hand.

"What do you mean it called to you?"

"Can't you hear that song?"

"Apparently not."

"Oh, it's pretty - but not like any music I've ever heard."

"Could you sing it for me?"

"Not unless you wanted to die a painful death by a pirate."

"I beg your pardon."

"My singing is like murder on the high c's. It would make dogs weep."

"Humming?"

"Better not experiment," she said piously.

"Touch it again, please." The rock. Not my ...ahem.

She placed her hand over my own hand, unfortunately, and said, "Now what did we say about boundaries?" The double-entendre accompanied by the 'appearing offended in virginal outrage' expression was priceless.

"Oh, my apologies if my kisses offend you. I'll most definitely have to insult you again," I smirked, and pulled her against me.

All the pain and anguish of the past few days seemed to be catching up with me, and I felt giddy with relief that I had made a decision that did not involve killing my girlfriend. For all I knew, due to my challenge of the Not Really In Vancouver Coven, we both could be dead tomorrow. Although it went against my melancholy nature, I intended to seize the happiness in my life while I could.

I contemplated all the reasons why she was so precious to me and wished, since I talked so poorly, that I had a better way of showing her how strongly I felt. Gently, I lifted her off the ground and kissed her with the reverence she deserved, this most holy relic in my unworthy presence.

To my delight, her body seemed to respond rather vigorously to my attention. Great Caesar's ghost! She wrapped her legs around my waist, which was fine by me. Yet she caught me off guard when she tightened them and broke from our kiss, moaned my name against my cheek in a way that I would most assuredly fantasize about for the rest of my existence. Then she fainted. Oh my. Oh me. Oh......damn and blast! I couldn't kiss her if she was unconscious, because that was absolutely creepy. Tracking her heartbeat, sniffing her like a hound, I wondered why she'd lost consciousness. Was she ill? Oh me. Oh my. Holy Smokes!

It took me all of two very long seconds to figure out why. She wore a smile on her face. And I needed to get into the water again before I brought another shower of marble down upon us as the floor shook. I dropped into the hot spring holding her in my arms, and lowered us gently onto the bench. She came to a few moments later her right cheek pressed against my chest, "What?"

This was one of those times I hated having to speak. How does one tell one's virgin human girlfriend, "Sorry, my vampiric powers are so strong that you had what I hope was the first and most satisfying orgasm of your short life. Rest assured, I plan on giving you many more. Let's see if I can do that again. In the name of research." But we'd have to test her heart again to make sure she could stand it. I couldn't kill her with a mere kiss. That would be rude. Chivalry said so.

Awkwardly, I gulped, and decided to fake my way into sincerity, "How do you feel?" That sounded calm, not smug like I wanted to behave.

She blushed and buried her face in my chest. "Fantastic," she mumbled into my shirt. Had I been human, I would not have understood the syllables. And I was sincerely hoping for her sake the Ephraim's journal had not mentioned our keen sense of smell. "Um, that was some kiss, Edward."

"You enjoyed it?"

She blushed some more and nodded. "Mmm. God, yes."

Her vital signs were now within normal range, her eyes glowed, she appeared embarrassed but happy. Who was I to deny her pleasure? I kissed her again for the sake of her happiness. Just like before. Ok, fine, I might have put a little more effort into it on this occasion compared to the last. She climaxed and fainted with another moan. And she said my name again. How marvelous. Now this was a clinical trial I would not mind performing endlessly. I traced her cheek to awaken her.

Jugurtha said, "You need to stop this right now. It's not fair to her because she doesn't understand what is happening to her body. And if you aren't careful, you are going to have to go and conduct independent solo research in order to be able to even be around her without pouncing on her like a jackrabbit. And leaving her alone in the forest to do that with the Volturi lurking about would not be prudent."

Starched Shirt Edward blinked in confusion and said, "I don't know why she fainted. Is it her poor heart? Shouldn't we take her to the hospital for more tests?"

Jugurtha took him by the hand and said, "When a man and a woman share a special kind of relationship..." and led him into the cave.

A few moments later, I heard Starched Shirt Edward shriek, "She did WHAT?" Followed by a calming slap from Jugurtha. And more lessons. I smirked at each slap.

Her voice sounded, drawing me from my smug enjoyment, back to hopefully more, "Edward?"

"Yes?"

She ran her finger across the buttons of my shirt, tracing one with a nail, "You can kiss me like that when we are alone. If that happened at school or around your family, I would just.......die. Was that some kind of vampire thing?"

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

"What happened to me? I've never felt anything like that before." I could smell the endorphins raging through her system, and I couldn't help but feel smug at the dazed but happy expression on her face. Score one victory for the virgin vampire.

"Some women faint when they . . . orgasm," My voice broke on that last word. "So I've read in medical journals."

She appeared as if she wanted the earth to swallow her whole. I didn't feel like telling her that I had that particular ability at this moment in time.

"But that didn't happen before. I mean don't get me wrong....it felt amazing when we kissed earlier," She stammered.

"Did it bother you that you fainted?"

"No, because I know I'm safe with you."

Cold-hearted beating-hearted baseborn boor that I am, I couldn't resist. Besides, this was much better than what I really wanted to do as I avoided staring at her neck, "Then I suppose we'll simply have to test a theory of mine, once more." She got a gleam in her eye, moved up on the bench and straddled me. Oh me. Oh my. Oh my stars. She stayed up on her knees so there was no improper contact with my, ahem, misbehaving manly parts. Unfortunately. How I adored conducting research in the name of "scent"-antic science.

I slowly pulled her face to me and put all the emotion I had into a single brief kiss. I can confidently say, with scientific accuracy, that her orgasm lasted twice as long as before. And with much satisfaction, I can report that she fainted again. And this time she screamed my name, which in my mind was a statistically significant result, although I only had a sample size of three. But still.

What was that phrase Emmett liked to say, oh right. 'I was the man.' I wasn't sure what that meant, but it sounded good and I was going to run with it. Not that I _was_ a mortal man. But still. 'I was the male vampire,' didn't have a particular ring to it. I was most _definitely_ going to have to marry this woman as soon as inhumanly possible and invest in vampire soundproof technology. If I had my way, she'd scream my name all day and all night long. Scream in a good way. And scream for more.

As she slumped against me getting some well needed rest, I extended my senses to listen for my family. The Volturi had left and I did not sense any other immortal presence. Just to be a complete jerk, I set a ring around my girlfriend's farm. No more spirit walking for them. The Quileute spirits thought that was an exceptional idea and all but jumped for joy.

Back at my personal house, my regular cell phone chirped a text. With Grace's aid, I saw it was from Erik Yorkie asking me to have Father call him. He'd never contacted me before. Nor had I given him my phone number. How odd. I sent a mental push to Paula informing her of the request. She called Father.

Since Erik Yorkie was a friend of my girlfriend and due to that whole history business with his family, I used my senses to check on his welfare. He stood outside his Grandfather's bedroom, pacing the floor, cell phone clutched in his hand like a cudgel. He had been crying, so said his reddened eyes and lids. His phone rang. Father was on the line.

They had remained in the forest to discuss my issues, "Hello, Erik, what can I do for you?"

Erik thought that my Father's response was freakishly fast, and that he'd have to thank me for it later. He owed me one.

"My Grandfather is sick and won't let us take him to the hospital. He says he'll only see you. Can you please come, Dr. Cullen?" His voice shook, poor man.

"Of course Erik, I'm not far away. My family has been hiking. I'll be there in a few minutes. Please tell your Grandfather for me, if you will."

"Yes, sir."

"Erik?"

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?"

"Can you please tell me any symptoms you noticed? I need to know whether I should bring an ambulance and you have to be my eyes."

"I think he had a heart attack. We were talking about what happened at the festival, and he got short of breath. He doesn't have asthma so we were worried, and he kept rubbing his left arm. Then he grabbed his chest and passed out. When he came to, he threw up."

Curious, I took a quick look at his Grandfather, who appeared gravely ill. And Erik would make a find physician.

Father arrived ambulance in tow, in record time. He entered the house and bowed properly to the Yorkie family, greeting them in Japanese. My immortal Parent avoided looking at the picture on the mantle that he personally had snapped in Denver of them on that day all those years ago when he'd returned the land to them. Age had not been kind to Old Man Yorkie.

Father entered the bedroom.

"Shut the door, please," Old Man Yorkie weakly called. As he was a private man, his family did not think twice about this request. Father conducted a quick exam.

"How bad does your chest hurt, Mr. Yorkie?"

"You can stop pretending, you know," he wheezed.

"I beg your pardon?" Father said, perfecting a bewildered demeanor.

"I know you are the same man who gave me my land back all those years ago. You have the same scar on your temple. I do not mean to distress you." Father had a faint mark barely detectable to the human eye on his temple. He'd definitely been caught. Drat. Old Man Yorkie said with a lowered voice, "I have said nothing out of honor. And I apologize for upsetting you now. I have seen in Japan how the buraku were treated. After being in the camps during the war, I would never want your family to be treated differently because of things beyond their control. Yet, I must ask if my family is in danger after what happened to those poor girls? Are others in the community as well?"

"Those poor girls were killed by wolves, and my family has handled that matter. We're only sorry we did not get there sooner. We are close to the Clearwaters."

"I've never seen a wolf do anything like that in all my years," Old Man Yorkie did not doubt Father's words. He simply could not believe the violence of the attack. "What about those men? The story is that your sons scared them away. They have only arrested one, though." His lips shook at the indignity that had been inflicted on his guests.

Father soothed, "The rest will trouble you no more, but we are looking into the matter. And my family will watch out for yours as we always have. I would appreciate it if you would tell your family to stay out of the forest until I say otherwise. Guns will not be effective." Old Man Yorkie inclined his wrinkled brow in agreement.

"You need to rest. And I'm going to insist, as your doctor, that you come and spend the night in the hospital to run tests."

"I'm dying, Dr. Cullen. Even I know that."

"You might be. But please do this for your family's sake. They are worried. Your grandson, in particular, is upset."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." Old Man Yorkie formally shook Father's hand with a strong grip, given his condition.

"It was my pleasure," Father said softly, lifting him into his arms and carrying him from his bed to the gurney he had brought with him into the room.

As Father opened the door and rolled him into the hallway, Old Man Yorkie stared at his assembled relatives and said, "I won't sleep a wink if I hear of you going into the woods. Stay out of them until I say so." They all nodded.

Father said, "I suspect he has had a heart attack. We'll know more after testing. Let's be on our way, shall we?" He personally pushed the gurney to the ambulance and rode with Old Man Yorkie the entire way. Tapping on my nose brought me back to my adorable little Grandmaster.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Are we being followed?"

"Not at present. Grace is helping me monitor the area though, to be on the side of caution." That was sort of the truth.

"I didn't dream her up?"

"No, you did not."

"What about, oh you're going to think I'm crazy," she started to twist her hands.

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I thought I remembered something about a squirrel?"

"That was Douglas. He sat by you and guarded you that night."

"You talk to squirrels?"

"In a manner of speaking. He is a friend. Nuts are scarce in the spring, so I bring him almonds."

"That is incredibly sweet of you." There was nothing sweet about me. Except for her.

"Edward, would you mind telling me why you really took me out here today?"

"What do you mean?" My words boiled in my throat, as I appeared calm and composed.

The admission, 'I brought you here so you could see the most beautiful sight I could imagine, aside from your face, before I snapped your neck and permitted your useless birds dismember me,' would never pass from these lips. I had standards. And lying most definitely was the Golden Rule in this relationship.

"You're hiding me from someone, aren't you?"

"Our family had some visitors today who are decidedly unpleasant, and I did not want to take the chance of you encountering one another."

She and Tanya in the same room was a ghastly thought. Tanya would most likely whine about my girlfriend's appearance and then I'd have to do the gentlemanly thing and insult my cousin. No, we couldn't have that. Adding Alec and Jane to that scenario made even me blanch.

"What kind of visitors? And what kind of unpleasant. Crazy ex-girlfriend?" Tanya could only _dream_ of having that label. Fortunately. Although she was certifiably nuts. She certainly had examined enough of them and bitten off...never mind, poor Attila. I had found in my experience in college that it was always the ones with mental issues that went to study psychology. Not that I had that problem. But I had enjoyed the courses.

"Aside from you, I have never had a girlfriend." Her mouth moved but no sound emerged.

"You're . . . . old . . . though." Her words stung. I recalled Jasper's scandalized face as he had contemplated the difference in our ages.

"True."

"But you're drop-dead handsome, Edward."

I offered her the shadow of a smile, "Thank you, I think." Drop-dead indeed. How I wished for the day.

"Why have you not dated anyone?" She seemed sincerely baffled.

"Because I've never met anyone until now that was worth the time and energy. There are covens spread all across the world. The central government of most of them is in Italy. And their main law is that vampires must keep their existence secret from humanity."

I neglected to give her the full story on that whole Golden Vampire Rules business. I did not want to scare her.

"Your family has accepted me, why wouldn't the Volturi?"

"They would most definitely not accept us interacting with a human because they use them for food. And they think of you as livestock, not individuals." She blanched. "My family is unique in the immortal world. We are one of two covens that refuse to drink human blood. That makes us outsiders and peculiar to the rest of our kind, although Carlisle does have a strong friendship with the Volturi. We actually go among you in order to keep us immune to your scent."

"Why are the Volturi here?" She honed in on the problem.

"Do you remember the school in Los Angeles that exploded?"

"That elementary school?"

"That would be the one. A newborn vampire attacked the children."

She covered her mouth with both hands for twenty seconds simply looking at me as if she wanted me to tell her I was lying to her. Which I totally was. But not about that.

"How could they?"

"When we are newly transformed into vampires we are rather difficult to manage."

"What do you mean?"

"We tend to be over-emotional, easily offended, ragingly thirsty for human blood, and tremendously strong."

"Stronger than an older vampire?"

"Yes. Ironic isn't it?"

"How long are you a newborn?"

"It depends and can vary from one year to over a decade in terms of discipline. Whoever turns you is responsible for ensuring that you do not expose the secret of our existence, and that you behave yourself until you are rational. And one of the strongest taboos in our world is the turning of children."

"Oh Lord, Edward, I can't even begin to imagine."

"We call them immortal children. Centuries ago, a group of vampires decided to turn children as an experiment. They were uncontrollable and caused mass destruction. You know that period as the Great Plague. We know it as the Second Vampire Uprising. The Volturi went around the known world at the time, rooting out all those who had turned immortal children. They wiped out entire covens. Cities, too."

"What do you consider a child?"

"Probably someone younger than 15 would raise their ire if they were turned now. But the ones that did the most damage turned children as young as three months. And those that were old enough to be mobile - those newborns were impossible to control because they were too young to reason. They never outgrew being a newborn."

"So what happened at the school?"

"A newborn vampire attacked a classroom and bit most of the children. Instead of killing them, the newborn turned them. The Volturi were in the area."

"What do you mean 'turned them?'"

"We can create vampires by biting them and injecting venom."

"I thought you had to have a blood exchange."

"No. One bite with venom and that person is dead. That is why when we kiss we have to be careful."

"Edward the entire school blew up."

"The Volturi wanted to ensure there were no witnesses living and they wiped the immortal children out before they could be transformed. Then for good measure, they eradicated the entire coven in Los Angeles that was the largest in our country. So you see, the Volturi are not to be trifled with, and I would prefer to keep you out of their sight and scent just in case."

"They killed all those children. She sat there stunned hugging herself. I needed her to understand how deadly serious the Volturi were, so I did not touch her to comfort her.

A clinical tone might be best to hammer home that message, "Indeed. It took them most likely four to eight minutes. And I doubt the Volturi batted an eyelash in remorse. It takes three days for a human to transform into a vampire. Three days of screaming in agony." I did not want to go into the image of what that meant for children. She was intelligent enough to put the pieces together.

She said nothing, staring at the ground. She wouldn't meet my eyes. Now was most likely the moment she would regret kissing a fiend like me with such disreputable non-acquaintances that ruled over my world.

"I know that what they did was a terrible thing. Truly, I do. Can you imagine the horror if those children were unleashed upon the world? They would have absolutely no impulse control. Humans would be helpless. They would slaughter entire cities. This happened before. Carlisle witnessed it."

"They couldn't be kept in a jail?"

"The Volturi would not bother caring for them. They would consider that a waste of resources. They aren't what you might call humanitarian in their treatment of others that are weaker."

"Did they have to take out the entire school?" she said in a strangled voice.

"No. That was distastefully excessive." She winced at the understatement in my words, "What words can I use to describe the horror of killing children? There are none. No matter what label I use, it still pales before the atrocity of the deed. And the deeply ironic thing is that in taking the lives of those children, they saved countless human ones, not because they value you for anything aside from your blood."

"So fire could hurt you?"

I nodded.

She glared at the fire I'd built like she wanted to put it out. Then she threw water on it and did. She coughed as the smoke filled the air around us and glared at the ashes as if they were about to be shot.

"The only way that we can die is if we are dismembered by either another immortal or a wolf, and then burned. It takes considerable power to do that."

"So they had to dismember those children? Burning them wasn't enough?" She swallowed.

"Yes. Fire alone would permit them to simply regenerate."

"Do the Volturi come to Forks often?"

"They have never visited before. I hope they never have to again, but I cannot rule it out. Your gyrfalcon marks glow like a neon light Bella. I can't have them seeing you. Now do you understand why it is important that you tell no one? Lives really do depend on it."

"I've known for years of your kind Edward, and I've never breathed a word, not even to my own family. Now you've given me even more reason."

"How would you like to learn how to swim?" I said, changing the subject and splashing her.

"I wouldn't."

"Not even in a pool of water this shallow? Trust me, please?" I was amazed lightning bolts didn't spear from the sky and fry me in my place. "Here, I'm going to hold you in the water. I'll have my hands under you the entire time. Promise."

Sequoyah appeared in my mind and said, "Your grace period is long past. I gave it to you to get her home, not ahem. Well." He crossed his arms and harrumphed.

"Spying is so distasteful." I should know. "But I do concede your point. I'm trying to help her be more comfortable in the water. We'll have to swim to get out."

"As long as you understand the algae's effect has completely worn off."

"Can I use it to assuage hunger?"

"Yes, but it will not stop you from thirsting after _her_ blood. It _will _stop you from wanting everyone else's." I nodded. "And Sitting Bull has a message for you."

"That would be?"

"Real men use their hands, and don't have to depend upon using lazy powers to pleasure a woman."

Now that was offensive. My powers were not lazy. And just as soon as I could marry her I would test that hand theory. Extensively. With multiple trials. Spoilsport.

He left saying, "Enough of that canoodling without a ring on her finger. Show some decency or we'll have to teach you some. Even the white sneaky President said so."

I'm glad they were in agreement with my scheme to make her my own.

Balefully, I said to him, "Telling tales about Bella's private life is tasteless."

He flushed and vanished in a huff.

I knew I'd have to stay with her if she signed up for swimming lessons because even by human standards she did not seem to be a strong swimmer. When you combined that with her lungs, that was a recipe for a disaster.

I decided we had done enough for one day and pulled her back onto the bench. We let the peacefulness soak in as the babble from the spring relaxed us along with the heat of the water. I wanted to memorize every glimpse, knowing it might be the last time if the Vancouver coven had their way. I wanted to experience all I could with her before I had to save her from the Volturi and all the other immortals that seemed to be lining up after her. Bitterly, I focused my senses on the house while clasping her against me.

"He's been acting so jumpy," Jasper observed. "Something has been weighing heavily on his mind."

"Well that's a no-brainer." Rosalie replied. "He killed all those men. I've never seen anything like it. He terrified me."

Jasper agreed, "His control is simply unbelievable. Had they threatened Alice, I probably would have drunk them all dry and not cared who saw in my rage. And I have never in all my years seen him that angry - it was stronger than the day of the vision of my turning."

"Yeah, but we've neglected to completely discuss how he got rid of the bodies."

"Pardon me?" Esme asked.

"When he used his Quileute powers to make the ground open up and swallow the bodies, he was dead calm afterwards." Mentally, my brother decided he'd have to be more careful about teasing me seeing as I could make the earth move and all. If only he knew how true that statement really was.

"We're going to have to convince him we have to change her. If the Volturi see those marks on her they'll take her," Rosalie said.

Jasper added, "We have to keep her out of their hands. You know what they do to vampires who don't pass muster." They all shuddered. Carlisle had told us that humans that did not make good vampires were dismembered or worse, used for training the guard as victims having to fight for their lives in order to live another day. It was the vampire world's equivalent of gladiators. And in all the years the Volturi had ruled only four had managed to prove they were worthy of being turned and escape that fate. Demetri was one of them. His ability to track had not manifested itself until they watched him in battle. He could find any enemy no matter what the condition or where he or she hid. My family's thoughts were in turmoil. I might be able to convince them to permit her to live after all.

Eleazar said, "I left the Volturi on good terms, because they still believe I'll come back and fight at a moment's notice. Carlisle has immense power in our world, although he doesn't see it that way. They offered him a seat, to be the fourth member of their leadership. They have too much respect for him to simply snatch Bella and run. If it came to that, I think we could talk our way out of it. But we will have to come up with a plan, several of them, in fact."

It was not in Father's nature to boast. I wondered how much influence over them he truly had, and how much his gifts had come to play in it. He had been welcomed with open arms by them the first day he had arrived in their fortress. The average vampire had to wait hundreds of years to gain an audience. Carlisle had literally walked right in the front door past the guards without a raised eyebrow. Any other vampire who tried that, from his thoughts, would have been shredded.

That's about the time Hezekiah decided to make an appearance as I fell into sleep. We were sitting in the leather chairs staring at the moss rather than each other. This was going to be all kinds of awkward. He had purple spreading flox clashing with the moss.

Hezekiah said, "Edward we need to have a talk about the proper use of those powers. He squirmed in his seat. I did, too.

"The powers weren't meant to be used on your little missy like that. And it's not respectful to do that to her before you all have wed, so says Jenny. And me. So we've taken that particular ability from you to be able to use on her." Fine so I could give other humans orgasms? That made so much sense.

"I'm sorry."

I wanted to ask, "Forever?" But that didn't seem proper at the moment.

"I know you are son. She's a shy little thing who has been through an awful lot in the past week. You took advantage of her attraction to you. Don't do it again until after you put a ring on her finger. And honor her wishes on privacy."

"Yes, sir." I paused and hurled into the abyss of humiliation, "Why could I do that?"

"You took your emotions and impacted how she felt. It was designed to be a weapon to kill an enemy." Through orgasms? What kind of wolves and shamans were these anyway?

Hezekiah snorted at me. "Edward, you can take that rage and all those newborn emotions you feel and with a touch you can channel it into causing physical sensation on your opponent in a fight. So if you use the powers right, and get some discipline, you can make enemies shriek in pain at a simple touch. It was designed to be a defensive measure if you were surrounded by others. Your system has adapted to it in ways we never used."

Now I see, the powers were jealous because they couldn't pleasure their spouses like this. What was the technical term for this issue: orgasm envy? I'd have to write a new entry for the DSVM's new edition whenever they added a supernatural neurosis part.

And Jugurtha said, "Watch your step, God only knows what else they could take from you sexually. Like, for instance the ability to even have an orgasm if you make them mad." Right. That. I now truly felt repentant. That would be ghastly. Speaking of which, "Hezekiah?"

"Yes, son."

"Are the tests always that awful?"

He didn't bother to lie, "Yes, Edward, they are. With power comes sacrifice. And you have more power than any being in our history. You will constantly be tested. We would never ask you to kill Bella, though. I'm right sorry you thought you had to do that. I could not interfere, and had to put my faith in you that you would see the light. You scared the hell out of all of us."

"It sickens me that I even considered it."

I felt too ashamed to meet his penetrating gaze. "Perhaps you should remember that the important thing is that you did not. Although I'm mighty impressed with how you decided to chew out the immortals that have squatted on Bella's land for generations. You're right on wanting to get them away from there. As long as that algae is there, she'll always be in danger, because everyone will want it."

I felt something pulling me away from him as he called, "Don't forget---" I did not hear the rest of that message.

How I found myself standing in a hollow watching Liam and Eve talk, I have no idea. Their words were not detectable. But she appeared to be begging him. She even dropped to her knees weeping. He kept shaking his head, "no" and then I moved to a corner of the Swan's house watching Eve drooling over his open wounds. He was literally covered in her venom and didn't so much as twitch as she made chest compressions. As that scene faded, I saw her mate take her in his arms and forcibly pull her from Liam's corpse as she screamed his name. It reminded me of the look on the face of that pitiful female vampire in Cincinnati. The last thing I heard her say was, "I love you. I love you," in Oscan. She wasn't talking to her mate. In the farmhouse now, Eve sat in a small room with a double bed, holding a blue shirt rocking back and forth on the floor with it held to her face weeping. Eve huddled against the bed like it was Liam's shoulder. She seemed to hear a noise, folded the shirt at blindingly fast speed secreted it away, composed her features and vanished. The scene changed. Now Eve stood alone in the snow before Liam O'Shea's headstone. A locket hung from around her neck. Eve did not strike me as the locket-wearing type. She reached out as if to clean the snow off of the polished marble and withdrew her hand, scanning the area for witnesses, finding none, apparently as her shoulders relaxed, "I'll keep my promise," she vowed bitterly glaring at Genevieve's grave. For half a second, I thought she was going to spit on Genevieve's marker, before she spun gracefully and disappeared into the fog.

Next whoever controlled these dreams moved me to a narrow strip of road outside of La Push. Eve stood in the shadows as a car roared past. With a malicious grin on her face, she sprinted in the heavy rain and caught up with the vehicle, keeping to the tree line. She moved so fast, no human could have seen it as she jerked the car just enough to scare the occupant. He continued to steer while swearing at the elements and the road and everything else.

Eve clearly was not done having fun as she went for pass number two and nudged the car the other way. The driver cursed the winds, grumbling that he couldn't wait until he got home. That's when she struck. Eve lifted the car and tossed it from the road crashing it down an incline into a strand of trees. The impact snapped the spine of Billy Black. She walked away in the rain, a smug grin in place as he screamed in pain, dusting off her hands. "That was for you, beloved," she said warmly to the sky. A man, her mate, I believe, joined her a mile down the road. She threw her arms around him.

"Why didn't you kill the human?" he asked.

"Because I heard his spine snap. He'll be paralyzed for life. And that is better than killing him."

"Do you feel better, Tetia?"

"Now that I have you in my arms, yes." I could tell from the expression on her face that she meant every word. Hand in hand, they faded into the dark.

The cave appeared the same, I think, as I opened my eyes. I had only been asleep a few minutes. And she drowsed in my arms as well. We both came awake at the same time.

In the past eight hours, we had been all over the Park. Although we had stopped for her to use the restroom earlier, I hadn't bought any food for her beyond the almonds and energy bars I habitually carried. We needed to return home. And that meant swimming again. And she knew it by the nervous expression she attempted to hide. Only my girlfriend would have absolutely no fear of vampires but be scared to death of water.

I pulled her out of the hot spring. "We need to return home and have dinner." With each step towards the water's edge, her feet slowed. I acted as if nothing was wrong, trying to be considerate and not shame her. That became difficult when she tried to pull her hand from mine. I said softly, "You did it once, Bella. You can do it again."

"This looks manmade?" Now she was trying to divert my attention by pointing to some sculpting I'd done above the wall of the hot spring.

"It is. I carved it as a project. My own personal Roman bath, if you will."

"Edward, you carved that part of the wall as well?" she pointed to the scrollwork that had come to my mind one day that I had felt compelled to sculpt into the lip of the tub and up the wall.

"Yes."

"Why did you make swans?"

I stared at the carving. Now that I thought about it, the swans were from the design on my chest of treasured possessions. I had carved them on the wall here to add it mentally to the box.

"I carved this two years ago. I didn't know why I picked that design at the time. It came to me and I followed it."

I pulled her closer to the edge, meeting her eyes, trying to show it would all be well. More lies on my part.

Shoulders rigid, eyes on the ground she blurted, "Can I tell you something?"

It would be the understatement of the day to say my little bottle cap appeared a bit tense.

"Always."

"I'm glad you brought the air canister."

"You are? Why?" I used my warmest voice.

"Promise not to be mad?"

"You have my solemn word."

"When I told you that Uncle Liam took me to the pool until I could float......"

"Yes?"

"I panicked. We were only there for about three minutes. I don't know why I didn't freak out earlier..... I don't know if I can get into that water, Edward."

My girlfriend was smart enough to know we needed to leave, and that swimming would be the means of our egress. And I didn't think it would be prudent for me to hack a hole in the ceiling if I wanted to keep this place secret from nosy humans. Doing so would also risk her safety. She needed a diversion.

"And you didn't share this little detail earlier because?"

As she prepared to answer, I pounced. Placing the air mask over her mouth I dove into the frigid lake. I could hear her heartbeat accelerate, so swam as quickly as I could to the surface. In my grasp, she couldn't have escaped if she had tried.

And try she did. I could see the fright on her features. She clung to me for a moment and I said, "See? We're here, safe and sound."

Teeth chattering, she nodded but did not let go of me. The water was cold and since she had struggled a bit more this time than last she had been in it a few seconds longer, and by the smell of her skin, she would have slight bruises on her arms from her attempts to flee.

Lowering my dear little shivering one to the earth, my hands remained at her waist as her feet wobbled until she'd gained purchase. The temperature outside had dropped considerably while we had been in the cave and the winds held a bitter edge. Her lips were blue and her hands shook so much she dropped the plastic bags with clean clothing and towels that I handed to her. I changed behind a tree at wolf-vampire speed and found her arms crossed, eyes vacant still wearing her wet clothing, the towel in her hand, the bag at her feet, forlorn.

She appeared like she'd gone miles away in her mind, and honestly, I hadn't expected her to be this affected, considering her reaction when we had first entered the cave. The fact that she wasn't speaking did not help matters. I used the extra towel in the bag at her feet to work on her hair. I knew she needed to get out of the soaked clothing, but didn't want to strip her as that, while efficient, would be rude. Sequoyah and Hezekiah would agree.

"The temperature has fallen twenty-five degrees since we entered the cave. You really need to change your clothing, Bella."

She stood like a wooden doll arms crossed. "I'm sorry, I'm just so cold." I did not think she would do well if I snatched her into my arms and drove her back to my house. And I certainly did not want to take advantage of her in a vulnerable state. Which would be wrong. Drat. I was a doctor. Twice. Totally petrified of being professional. I instructed Jugurtha to keep Starched Shirt Edward in his cave, lest he expire from heart failure.

"Bella, do you think you can dress yourself?"

She nodded. I turned my back. My little Grandmaster stayed in place. I let a minute pass and with the increase in the force of the cooling blast of air roaring down from the mountain, decided enough was enough.

I said in a voice you would use, I imagine, with a dangerous animal - I'd never bothered to talk to the lethal ones I had encountered, preferring to snap the neck instead without the effort of a conversation, "I am going to help you dress, and I promise to be a gentleman about it. May I please have your permission?"

For a moment there, she looked like she was going to weep with shame and straightened her spine. That seemed like Genevieve taking over. Or God help me, the Gorgon. I checked her eyes quickly for that distinctive purple color, and listened to the door of her spirit. My senses detected no more than the usual clamor that I had managed to tune out - thanks to the shamans who had too much time on their hands, much to my delight.

"Thank you. I'll do it."

I turned my back and heard the sounds of wet clothing falling on the ground. It seemed to be taking an inordinate amount of time for her to lower her pants and remove her shirt. And her temperature kept dropping as the wind picked up. Racing in from the north, a storm was coming.

"Bella?" I broke my word and turned after five minutes of silence. Standing with her back to me, she had managed to put on the dry boy shorts and the flannel lined jeans. Her fingers shook too much to latch her brassiere or close her pants.

It was either stand there and watch her have an asthma attack, or worse, develop double-pneumonia, or be a knave and let her know I had peeked. At the risk of my reputation, I chose the welfare of my dear little one. Since we were going to be married, she would eventually get used to being naked before me. I hoped. I really hoped. A lot.

Attempting to keep my fingers from trembling, from my position behind her, I put my hands on her cold shoulders and said, "May I?"

She nodded. I had studied that particular contraption at length, out of scientific curiosity about Cooper's ligaments and the health of my dear little one, of course. The flimsy scraps of fabric that were a marvel of engineering also know as her brassiere had three sets of double hooks, which made no sense to me. I used the loosest setting, as I didn't want to impede her respiration. I turned her to face me and looked her in the eye the entire time as I dressed her at vampire speed in a thermal top and flannel shirt. I tucked the shirt into her pants and fastened them for her. Moving her wet hair out of the way, I helped her don a thick sweater, and her coat and gloves. She stood on a towel in bare feet with bluish toes. I lifted her in my arms and carried her to a nearby rock.

She started to get that look on her face she had that night she had wept about those men. And she was not talking. Her eyes were drooping as I dried her feet, making sure to increase her circulation, and put thick socks on them and laced her boots. The ground appeared cold and unwelcome and I did not want to lay her on it while I put on my pack. Even if I buried the supplies, I would have to put her down. I had to erase all signs of our presence.

I gently shook her, "Bella, I need you to stay awake for just a bit."

Grace crooned and appeared beside her. My drowsy girlfriend leaned against Grace like a small child, and wrapped her arms around her. With a flip of a fin, Grace lifted her to her back. Grace performed this hypnotic humming sound. And my dear little one promptly fell soundly asleep. Grace was the most awesome companion in the world. Next to my girlfriend, of course. I packed up our things, and erased all signs of our visit. I said to Grace, "I am honored that you have taken such tender care of Sweet Girl."

Grace said, "Sweet girl scared."

"She fears open water." Grace's silence was the equivalent of a raised brow. I sent her images of the inside of the cavern. To Grace it was simply a pile of rocks.

"We should get home. The Vancouver coven might try to move on the house."

"Rings strong." Good point, that.

"Thank you for what you did back there with the Other Immortals. I did not like them insulting you. I will have a talk with them about it."

"Those lack power."

"Do you think we have enough to defend ourselves from the entire coven? It's been awfully hard lately to use the powers." To Grace, I did not mind admitting my fear.

My girlfriend nuzzled against her and planted a kiss on Grace's back mumbling, "Grace. Awesome. Warm." Wonderful, now we had a mutual fan club.

I put on the backpack, stuck Hezekiah's staff through it, and retrieved my slumbering bride. Amazed, I ran my fingers through her now bone dry hair. Grace snorted at me as if to say any idiot knew sweet girl could not stand around in this weather with long wet hair. Mentally, I thanked her.

Drowsily, Bella said, "How did my hair get dry?"

"Grace."

"Mmm, thanks," Bella fell asleep again.

Grace followed us as we ran at wolf-pire speed back to the car. Reaching out to the Fake Vancouver Coven, I found they had firm walls back up in place, blocking out any immortal with a power to detect them. Anyone but me, that is. The other covens appeared to have been warned - well some of them. I could hear bickering and finger pointing galore along with a few thousand whines of "I'm hungry."

Word spread through the lost coven grapevine that the Vancouver coven had shut down their supply. That broke multiple treaties with multiple covens. At least that's what I overheard, while running with her, from the phone calls that arrived at the residence of the Not Really In Vancouver Coven.

Due to that whole bright white and I green light spewing from her body, I made sure to keep off the paths where humans went. Mentally cackling, I appeared to have created a nightmare for Young To Me Old Power. Proper motivation never hurt anyone, I sniffed.

Besides, they insulted my minion and tried to _stab_ her. On her own ancestral land. That made me cranky. Fake Canadians.

Grace alerted me that something immortal was coming. It did not "feel" like the Fake Canadian Sludge Sucker No Longer Not Really In Vancouver coven minds. What concerned me was that I could sense that there was a presence, but only after Grace pointed it out to me.

Reaching into my mind, I offered prayers to the Quileute spirits to aid me in detecting the threat to my family and the tribe. What I saw made me halt in my tracks. A veritable army of immortals was headed for the mansion at top speed. They were divided into four groups and each approached from a different direction. They all had dark maroon eyes. This whole red-eyed people business was beginning to become positively tiresome. I held onto my mental sword of Damocles. Something told me I would have need of it. Soon.

My rage soared as I glanced down at my bride. I was sick and tired of Fate dictating my existence. I blasted against Young to Me Old Power's shield sending her the image of the approaching immortals, "So THIS is how you respond? Madam, you seem to be under the mistake impression that I was bluffing." Sending a wave of power to the cavern, I removed half the algae in the pool - and offered her and her coven a glimpse of the slime level halving. She didn't need to know Grace and I had moved it to another cave, "Now your food supply is cut by half. Call them off or I will take it all." Howls of outrage sounded around their dwelling.

Young to Me Old Power appeared incandescent with fury before spitting in Oscan, "Imbecile. Those are not my clan. Notice the eyes, and the absence of the gyrfalcon on them? That distinctive lack of weaponry? Thank the gods you are sterile. Your progeny with her would be too stupid to sneer."

Oops. Well, it was good to give them a show of force, regardless. And I was not about to admit that I was wrong. And I strongly resented her insult on the intelligence of my fantasized children. She and her Mother weren't exactly the pick of immortal DNA with those raging tempers of theirs. I countered, "You could have hired mercenaries from another lost coven that drinks human blood."

"That I could. But why waste good coin on something that would be much more satisfying handled in person," she hissed. I believed her then. That woman was scary.

"Now I see the resemblance between you and your Mother." She seemed to find that observation hilarious.

She laughed, "And if I were foolish enough to hire mercenaries to attack you, at the very least I'd make sure they were armed. Your diet has left you feeble-minded. That, or the misuse of your powers on that tiny brain, Youngling. And there is one thing you appear to have overlooked." I really hoped she hadn't been spying on me and my bride in the cave. Grace didn't think so. That would be so wrong.

"And that would be?"

"I've marked her with guards."

I beamed her a vision of what had happened that night in the forest prior to her joining me when we had disposed of the bodies of the killers. I showed my dear little one's obvious fright in being pursued by those animals. Young to Me Old Power appeared bored as she saw my girlfriend slam against a tree and how, bravely, my dear little one had refused to abandon her human friend Angela.

"They did not help, and only one of them functioned, and that occurred after I arrived. She could have died ten times over before I reached her side."

"And whose fault is that?" Young to Me Old Power asked.

"Mine. And I accept that. And bravo with claiming you've been guarding her all this time from afar. If that is true, then you share blame as well. So if you are going to unleash the wings of Hell on me, at least make them work properly. You sent me one gyrfalcon and six dodo birds."

I was not about to admit to her that the birds had also failed to activate not so long ago when I'd had my singer's neck in my grasp. Which really made it seven dodo birds.

Grudgingly, Young to Me Old Power said, "The pendant must be malfunctioning."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think it is her guardian. It senses danger. It seems to influence when the birds awaken."

"You _think_? Then who are _they_?" I showed her the looking far too eager for a visit immortals running through the dusk, keeping to the trees. Slithering our way like a cobra in sight of a feast.

"I've never seen any of them. We will be there presently. Learn to show a little restraint Youngling. And don't leave the human girl alone." My girlfriend started to glow bright purple again.

I snarled as I blocked her power, "If you want the rest of your food supply to remain intact, you will explain yourself."

"I'm trying to make sure those birds work correctly. I am not going to harm her. You, on the other hand, have a lesson coming that will have to wait for another day."

Sticking my tongue out at her was juvenile. But I did it anyway. At the Gorgon's daughter, not my dear little one. Had I stuck out my tongue in her proximity, I'd have put it to better use and....never mind.

I lowered the barriers I had put around my precious one cautiously; ready to slam them back in place at the first hint of a threat. After four seconds, Young To Me Old Power told me to put the shields back in place. Which I did. Not because she had asked. But because it was the right thing to do.

Young to me Old Power had a point. I could not leave her here alone. I had to take her with me. I called the house and warned them and sent a mental push to Paula who had left the hospital to train with the wolves over fifty miles away. Peter and Charlotte were with them.

Mary Alice had a vision of a pack of immortals approaching the house from four sides. She yelped and informed the others. I sent the vision Grace had to Paula as well.

Circumstances beyond my control forced me to engage in ill manners and merely nod at Douglas as I raced past our tree without stopping. My dear little bottle cap and I arrived at the car. I decided that since I could outrun the thing with ease, it would be of no use to me. So I ran right past it. I would fetch it later. The fairy slippers that ordinarily I would have stopped to pick for her morphed into raptor like beasts waving their purple heads at us as I sprinted.

She woke up when the wind started to blow harder. "What's wrong?" My girlfriend asked.

"We have unexpected guests approaching the mansion." She had that glowing chunk of crystal in her pocket by the feel of its burn against my side.

My girlfriend held out her arms, "We're glowing again."

"We have a problem. I can not leave you alone."

"Friend or foe?"

"I have no idea. I'm guessing foe."

"Well, time's wasting. I'm sure your family will want to give them a proper reception.

I raced back to the mansion so fast my poor little algae lover, lover of dead algae - whatever - my poor dear little one held me with white-knuckled fingers, although she didn't complain once.

"May I have the short version of why an army of vampires would be descending upon your house? Did Emmett insult someone? Lots of someones?"

"Your Grandmother has been sending us messages while you sleep saying that you are in danger from the red-eyed people. We thought they were the ones that you dreamed of and have been trying to sort things out without much success."

"She what?"

"You don't remember?"

"No, I don't. She never mentioned anything like that when she was alive."

"Did Liam ever talk to you about his relationship with a coven of vampires?"

"Liam never mentioned vampires. Ever. He wouldn't even let me eat Count Chockula when I was little."

Why she would want to eat a person....my girlfriend was a cannibal?

"It's cereal, Edward, that has a silly vampire drawing on the box." Oh. Right.

"I'm sorry to ask this, but did any of those men from the other night smell like the ones in your nightmares?"

"No."

"Your uncle was involved with an immortal woman who belongs to another coven. They are what we call a lost coven. They broke from the Volturi leadership over a thousand years ago and hid their presence so they would be left alone. Liam found a way with the algae in the cave to create food for them so that they did not require human blood."

"I feel like you are describing an entirely other person than the one I knew growing up. How long did he date this woman?"

"Forty years." The look on her face was pensive.

"Liam was very private. That must have been why he was in the Park so much. She lived there didn't she?"

"She did and she still does. She claims that they have been watching out over you." My girlfriend exhaled in disbelief. I quite agreed.

"They claim some kind of hold over you by treaty with your uncle."

"That's a load of.....he would have told me.....Or Grandmother would have. She must have hated that woman."

He never told her about his dating of 40 years. He never told her about immortals. He never told her that her Grandmother's prediction of their death was correct. Her face rapidly moved from disbelief, to fierce concentration. Then anger. It seemed her family had an issue with honesty. Thank goodness, I was bringing her into mine.

"Bella, I think that Liam was trying to protect you. His girlfriend said he willingly went to his death because Genevieve had a vision that it was the only way that you would survive."

"That's stupid," she spat. "And Liam was not that dumb."

"His girlfriend thought the same."

"God, she must hate me."

"Did Liam every mention any female that you didn't know around you? Or have a picture?"

"Not a word. Neither did Grandmother. She did call the Park "the other woman" from time to time. Now that makes sense. There might be something at the farmhouse. I've never gone through his things. I couldn't make myself do it. So what did Grandmother say to you?"

"She would either rattle off phrases that meant nothing to us, or she would send us visions. We've been confused for months. The only thing I can figure is that she was trying to warn us about the orchard, because she mentioned apples, and blood, and a sweater, and told me not to be late."

"She always seemed to know things before they happened when I was little."

"Bella, do you notice anything unusual about your wrists?"

"No. They're the same wrists I've had all my life," she held out her hands for a moment before grabbing at me as I took a corner at high speed.

"One night when Genevieve was speaking through you - your heart stopped. When we brought you back there was another person speaking through you. We've nicknamed her the Violet Gorgon because she was rather unpleasant, and you actually emitted a purple light."

"What happened?"

"I think it would be easier if I showed you." We had arrived at the house and I put her on her feet. My family waited inside.

I could tell they all wanted to talk to me. As I held open the front door for her, at vampire pitch I said, "I can see you want to talk. I need to show Bella the Violet Gorgon and explain things to her as quickly as I can. Would you please give me that time?"

The family gaped, "You told her?"

"She already knew. She's known since she was seven who we were."

That should keep them mentally busy for a moment or two. Sometimes, talking to them proved diverting.

Jasper was the first to recover and muttered back in Tagish, "We don't know that we have much time Edward. How fast are they approaching?"

"Grace says they are twenty-five miles away and on foot, and the first wave has fifty fighters. Paula and the pack are thirty miles away and moving as quickly as they can. The Vancouver coven really lives under Mount Carrie in the Park, and they are coming as well."

Masking his astonishment like a professional, Jasper said, "How large is the Vancouver coven?"

"The Fake Canadians have over three thousand in the coven. They have sent four hundred."

Young to Me Old Power called out to me, "Unlock the barriers around the farm so we can teleport, you idiot."

I decided for just this once, to overlook her insults and grant them access to the land. The algae was safe from them. She sent over a hundred, including herself. Armed to the teeth. I sent the vision to Jasper who kept bouncing on his toes as if he prepared to sprint away at any second.

Jasper now began to look excited, and literally rubbed his hands together in glee planning a nasty reception. "You have five minutes. Use them wisely." Father nodded in agreement as did Mother.

Since all this took place at vampire pitch, it looked to my girlfriend that we were all staring at one another, saying nothing. Rosalie, Mary Alice and Mother all reached over and hugged my girlfriend to keep her occupied, exclaiming they were delighted she was safe and well. Cautiously, she hugged them back.

When the hugging session was over, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Please come upstairs with me for a moment. I need to show you something."

I lifted her and raced to my room. I shut the door with my foot as I crossed the threshold. Privacy would have been preferred, but sometimes you had to make compromises. I set her down in the chair by my desk and knelt in front of her. Hezekiah's staff felt cool against my face. I took her hand in my own, rubbing her palm with my thumb for comfort.

I showed her the times when Genevieve spoke through her. I did not think she needed to know about the visions and refrained from showing them because several had caused physical pain. There was no way I'd show her Jasper's turning. I finished by showing her the episode with the Violet Gorgon. I did not translate what the hag had said because I didn't want to frighten my dear little one. It took about a minute. I had four minutes left to make my case. "The nightmare you had of the burning house? That, we believe, was the death of Jasper's family. They were murdered by immortals." She had gone into calm mask mode that I hated.

"Why would Grandmother want me to know about that?"

"Truth be told, I think she wanted _him_ to know, not you."

She said, "Edward, I don't recall a thing about any of those times she spoke through me." Despite that unusually placid face, her hands shook slightly.

"There was another spirit in the room that helped me the night the Gorgon visited. I have nicknamed her Young to Me Old Power, because she's younger than Grace, but older then anyone in my family. She helped me fight off the Gorgon. It ended up that the Gorgon was using you to find her children, and Young to Me Old Power, who appears to have some sort of leadership role in the lost coven that dealt with Liam, is her daughter. She marked you on your wrists, on you nape, on your shoulder, on your throat, ankles and palms with gyrfalcons. When the men were chasing you, one came to life and tore him to pieces."

"Ew. Can anyone else see these? And can I use them on Lauren Mallory?" My family chortled below.

Emmett slapped Rosalie on her back and said, "Edward caught himself a real live one." I quite agreed.

"Any immortal that looks at you will see them, even through your clothing." Her eyes widened in alarm, which well they should. "They can see through my clothes? She crossed her arms over her chest and appeared ready to faint again.

I put her head between her knees and said, "No, my dear, they can only see the lights. We do not have x-ray vision." Alas. As her heart returned to normal I said, "The marks shine like a beacon. The immortal that placed them on you used the symbol of her clan so that any vampire who saw you would know that you were under protection."

"Why can't I see them?"

"Because you are mortal."

"Can you help me see them?"

"I can try." I used my gift to send her my memory of what they looked like, and stopped when the memory included my hysterical reaction. She stared in fascination at her hands. And then mine.

"God, now I'm really a freak. My Grandmother would lose her mind if she could see these. She had strong views on women and tattoos." Too late on that losing the mind part.

"Do not ever say that. You are not a freak. You are the most wonderful girl in the world. And those are not tattoos."

"What are they?"

"They are symbols that were left on your spirit - and they can be removed - they are not marked on your flesh in reality. And given that they protect you, I think your Grandmother would make an exception. Bella," this was the hard part, "the coven that marked you is a lost one, and very powerful. They oppose the Volturi. That is why I had to hide you today. If the Volturi caught sight of you, it would be very bad." I needed to put a smile on her face. To soothe her. So I improvised, and went with my instincts.

Both Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha voted with me. It was unanimous, and my family was getting impatient. I reached into my wooden chest and pulled out the box with my mother's ring. And I fell to my knees before her.

"I want you to have this."

"What is with the gifts all of a sudden, Edward?"

"I'm not very good at talking."

"State secret, that."

Rosalie trilled, "I knew there was a reason I liked her."

I ignored my family as my Parents glared the rest into silence. This was, after all, the most important moment of my life. "Open the box please?" I begged her and did not feel ashamed for a second. I was a miserable creature and I would be lucky if she did not scream and slap me when she opened the box. And I did not think saying, 'Since I decided not to kill you, it would be better to have you as my wife as second choice of fates.' It sounded rude.

Slowly she lifted the lid and inhaled a wheezy breath. "Oh....." Her mouth moved, but no sound emerged. I could identify with that.

"Would you do me the honor of accepting my suit?"

She simply nodded, glassy-eyed. I might have breathed on her a time or nine. I slid the finger on her left hand and it slipped off. My Mother's fingers had been larger. I slid it on her index finger. She balled her left hand into a fist to keep the ring from falling off.

"We'll have Rosalie resize it tonight." I did not want to engage in anything so personal as kissing her with my family around, so I kissed her hand and the ring instead. "You have no idea of the honor you have bestowed upon me, Bella."

I smiled like she liked - what she called a real smile. And it almost appeared like we were the couple in the woods on the Future Day Mary Alice had predicted from Grace's perspective, as I caressed my lovely one's hair in the manner that she liked, and gazed upon her with the adoration she deserved. The rest of the world could go to Hades. I had Heaven right here before me. And I would be damned if I would let her loose. Besides, society's laws, both human and immortal, placed her as mine by right. Three orgasms said so.

The ring kept slipping, so she took off the locket and slipped it around it before re-fastening it around her neck, "I'm afraid I'll lose it if I don't do this, is that ok with you?" She did not want to offend me. I had the sweetest fiancée of them all.

"Not at all. Do you like the ring?"

"It's stunning."

"My Mother gave me it and the locket shortly before....." I cleared my throat. "She told me to give them to the woman I wanted to marry. I've been saving it all this time. I never thought I would find that woman. I never thought I would ever have a need to give them to any one." She squeezed my hand.

"I'll talk to your Father as soon as I can."

"I'd rather you didn't just yet."

"Why?" Her Father was an imbecile, true, but it would be ill-mannered not to ask for her hand.

"I am not eighteen yet. I'm not legally considered an adult in the eyes of the law. I bet if I applied for a marriage license, I'd have to have my Father's consent or my Mother's. And they'd say, 'no.' Let's wait till my birthday to tell him."

I was perfectly fine with keeping him in the dark under those circumstances. And I would be looking - rather Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward would inquire into how to get around that marriageable age issue. We could marry in a foreign country, and let them know on her birthday she was my wife. Although in my world, the coven leader simply had to pronounce us married, and all other members of the coven would respect it.

Jasper kept trying to get the phrase 'child bride' out of his head. I was going to slap the snob into the next county at the next available opportunity.

Jugurtha marked it into our schedule. He said blissfully, "Don't blow him up. You don't want to irritate Mary Alice. I'm going to start planning your wedding. Something small. Next weekend you can fly to Mexico and be married there."

From downstairs I heard Emmett say, "That was well done, Romeo. Now get down here."

Mother was crying with joy, as were Rosalie and Mary Alice. I suppose this was one of those times it was advantageous that we did not weep tears.

Father said to my mind, _"Edward, that was very brave of you and well done. She'll make a marvelous addition to the family. We already love her."_

Eleazar and Carmen were here. Eleazar had texted them to warn them not only of my engagement, but of our unwelcomed dinner guests. Tanya, Irina, and Kate had taken the newborns shopping for more appropriate attire even though they considered the selections in the area to be crude. Irina's thoughts indicated she felt excited about the fight and mentally declared it was about time I found someone so Tanya would stop being annoying in her obsession over me. Tanya thought I had lost my mind and my engagement was symptomatic of me being delusional. Kate worried for everyone's safety and that the newborns might be harmed in battle as they'd only had a few days to train with the wolves. She and Irina gave each other a silent glance agreeing that they would keep Tanya far away from my fiancée. Given my powers and emotional behavior lately, they wanted their sister to stay in one piece. Smart women.

Walking downstairs I practiced in my mind the script I had decided upon to give my family. The best offense was a really good distraction. And aside from that whole proposing to my little bottlecap issue, I certainly had a doozy.

As I entered the room, Jasper said at vampire pitch, "Confession time, junior." He turned and said aloud at human volume, "Hello Bella. Congratulations," to my bride. Then he glared at me. The whole family was stunned. My mother and sisters rushed forward to embrace my fiancée, repeating their hug-a-thon of the human from earlier.

I whispered at vampire pitch, "Please do not squish her."

To Jasper, I said in Oscan at vampire pitch, "Fine. You caught me. I lost my temper with the We Don't Really Live In Vancouver Coven."

"What do you mean by that, Edward?" Eleazar asked from across the room.

He and Carmen beamed at my bride. Eleazar extended his gift towards her, and felt absolutely nothing. His thoughts said he could not see any reason why any immortal would give her a second glance in terms of talent, aside from those glowing birds and all. His gift placed her as any other mundane mortal.

I showed them a vision of my encounter with the Fake Canadians, leaving out all that kissing and nearly killing my fiancée business. Emmett thought Grace's power was awesome. He got all misty-eyed seeing her kill Sneezy. Rosalie loved the branding of Dopey part as did Carmen and Eleazar.

Jasper thought my cutting off the food supply a clever idea in theory, "It would have been nice to have been given a warning prior to doing it, Edward."

Father thought I was coming into my own, although prior notice about declaring war, he thought at me, would have been appreciated. He did not like Mother being distressed.

Mary Alice chattered at my human along with Emmett and Mother as our conversation continued at supernatural speed and frequency. To outsiders we appeared a cozy sight.

"I lost my temper. I didn't like them threatening the family. Or her."

"We're going to have to turn her, son."

I thought quickly on my feet. "I'm afraid that's not possible."

"What do you mean? I think her test results show her heart could endure the process," Father said.

"The venom scars. Young to Me Old Power fine tuned them about half an hour ago. I do not even want to think what would happen to her if someone tried to turn her."

Pragmatically, Father said, "Then we'll simply inject her with venom at vampire speed, the birds won't have time to activate and when they do, I think you and Grace can handle them. Paula, too."

The immortals were approaching quickly. We did not have time for this debate. Father realized it, too.

Mary Alice's eyes glazed over and she said, "They are coming and it's too late to get her out of here. We'll have to brazen our way through it."

I kept my face serene since vomiting in front of my family would have been rude. The very idea of her becoming a slave to her thirst, a beast with red eyes....I could not see her turned into me. Besides, I could not give up her scent. It would fade when she was turned. And I did not want my family to know of my unhappiness with being a vampire, so this made things awkward. But I did not have time to fret about that, as instead I started wondering why I had not detected anyone in my range. I called out mentally to Grace who must have been vacationing, as images of vampires approaching the house appeared in my mind.

Tanya, her sisters, and the newborns sped up the driveway and leapt out of the car. Irina insisted they take position outside at the back door as clearly some of the enemy approached from there.

"Edward what are their minds saying?" Father asked as we exited the house.

"Give me a moment," My temper flared. I had paid attention only to their size and speed. My wits had fled because I had not bothered to listen to their thoughts - because I had not heard any. Because of my weakness, I had possibly endangered my family.

Mentally, I started chipping away at the blockage that I felt. My hands glowed green as I stretched them out towards the ground. Somehow it felt better that way, I felt stronger. Now it was down to me and this icy feeling wall. I imagined myself as Hezekiah's staff in my mind, and took it and pierced the shield. Someone made an odd growling noise at a tenor I'd never heard from a vampire, and whoever it was sounded irate and slightly congested. Oh wait, that was me.

I felt something shift as I poured into the hole I had crafted. My, oh my, what treasures I discovered without letting them know. Who knew the dog powers could be this helpful?

My bride had her arm on my shoulder the entire time, whispering God only knows what, while rubbing my back.

I blurted in Oscan at vampire pitch, "Sorry about the delay. They had some kind of shield that I broke through without them knowing. They are coming for Alice."

My family understood; I had ensured my singer did not as Mary Alice cheerily conversed with her. I didn't want my bride scared any more than she already was, although I highly doubted her ability to speak that particular language or hear vampire pitch when not being turned into a sock puppet by her demented Grandmother.

Tapping on her shoulder, I gestured to her to be silent with my index finger as the enemy came within range. Then again, I did not need to encourage her to be quiet. She had perfected it over the years. She nodded in understanding. At Eleazar's counsel, I decided not to let the approaching enemy know about the ring surrounding the house and made it invisible to the immortal eye, my scars, too.

Half of the unwelcome coven approached the house from all sides. We met them in front of the porch out in the open. The oily thoughts in the mind of one man leapt out at me, his current name was James. He took one look at Alice and did a double-take. Emmett came and stood to my left, Jasper and Mary Alice to my right. We insisted nonverbally that my bride stand behind Emmett and me.

Father said, "I'm Carlisle Cullen. To what do we owe the unexpected pleasure?" I could tell he used his gift on them as the approaching immortals relaxed.

Paula said the pack were two minutes away. Young to Me Old Power said they would arrive in three and not to do anything more foolish than I already had. Lovely. We needed to keep our uninvited guests talking. And I was horrible at that.

"My name is James Brandon, and I'm looking for my wife. I've heard you have her with you."

He radiated menace and lies. I could sense a blue glow from the pocket of his trousers. The exact shade of blue of Mary Alice's medallion in the vision. The pendant of my singer started to flare white light.

Father said, "No, we do not. Sorry."

James stared at my sister and said, "On the contrary, sir, after searching for decades, I appear to have found her."

From the crowd before us, we heard a gasp. Jasper felt this wave of emotion sweeping towards him, as a tall woman with long red hair ran at him arms thrown out before her. I do not think I have ever seen such joy in all my years as I witnessed when I gazed upon her enraptured face.

She whispered, "It's a miracle. Thank you, God. Oh, thank you." And then there came that dreaded phrase, "Jasper, my love." Genuine love radiated from her, according to Jasper's pole-axed mind, as out of sequence memories began to flood him at the mere sight of her. His lips moved in silence. Mr. Calm in a crises mode had vanished.

"Annie?" his jaw dropped, and confusion and pain radiated from him mixed with shame.

"I waited for you, my heart. Just like I promised, I would, when you gave me your ring." She put her arms around him, her cheek against his chest. "God, you have no idea how long I have dreamt of this moment."

"I saw your burned house, and your grave. I thought you were dead." Agony came from him wafting over the crowd around us before he controlled himself. She flinched for a moment before he apologized and ensured he had control of his emotions.

She stepped away from him, realizing they had an audience and this was not proper by her day and era. Annie held his hands, "Aaron turned me and then left after killing our parents." She said with a disconsolate expression. "I woke up remembering him and you. I haven't found Aaron because I've been looking for you, my heart. And now we can be together like you promised. Once we find Aaron, our family will be almost complete." She looked curiously at my relations.

Mother said, "Jasper, who is this?"

I had often complained that Fate hated me. Perhaps it hated Jasper more as I stared at this syzygy from Hell of him, Annie, and Mary Alice standing almost in alignment like the planets.

My sister smiled at the woman as the vision crashed into her mind. Mary Alice's eyes glazed over as she saw Annie's rage a split second before Jasper said the words that sparked it. I found it quite curious how we immortals felt things at such intensity, burning far brighter than anything the humans could ever attempt. Both Jasper and Mary Alice, while feeling compassion and pain for Annie, were not influenced in their thoughts of their mate bond.

Annie's thoughts of her love for Jasper flickered like a steady flame in my mind, and it positively radiated from her with every fiber of her being. She smiled, appearing like they were about ready to march down the aisle before beaming family and friends. Annie planned a second wedding to celebrate their reunion. I could tell from Jasper's thoughts that he loved this woman.

"I'm Annie Haringhoost Whitlock, and I'm Jasper's wife. Who are you?"

The frightening thing is that while James lied through his crooked yellow teeth, Annie spoke the God's honest truth. I sent the memories I could pry from her mind to my brother's. How does one tactfully tell one's brother that he's been a bigamist for decades?

He straightened his shoulders as if facing the firing squad with valor and said, "Annie, this is Mary Alice Whitlock, my . . . mate." That sentence had to be difficult for him to say. I could tell from his memory that he had genuinely loved Annie and had memories of that love that were returning in his shock. It was, of course, overwhelmed by his abiding regard for his mate, as Annie was about to discover.

"Annie?" James said mockingly. "How quaint. I much prefer Victoria. And she has answered to it for over 100 years."

It irritated him that she'd never given him a second glance. She was a prized catch who had eluded them all, swearing fidelity to her missing spouse. How convenient that he stood before them, James sneered in his putrid brain.

"You can't marry another when you are already married. And you certainly can't form a mate bond when you already have a mate. Oh, miss, how awful for you." Victoria started to sob, looking at my sister as if she were the most pitiful creature on the planet. My family felt terrible for everyone involved.

"Jasper, what you have with her it's not a real marriage. We married the day before you left for war."

I could see from her mind that she told the truth. And showed it to Jasper. And because I had to, I replayed for him her memories of their wedding night. Jasper appeared like he wanted to vomit. And for the love of Pete, I wanted to join him after having that vision. I did not want to ever see Jasper naked again.

James' thoughts indicated boredom. He did not doubt Victoria had feelings for Jasper, feelings that were convenient for him because he planned on relieving Jasper of his wife. He thought it a fair trade, although his singer did not smell the same as she had on that day he had first seen her. In fact, much to his disgust, he could not smell her fragrance at all.

James saw my bride and noticed the burning pendant under her shirt; the birds oddly had dimmed but were still there. "Well hello there, what have we here? Your pet?"

"My bride." I retorted icily.

James casually said, "The marks on her body say she needs to come with us. Phoenix, I think our time here is done. We found what we needed." He spoke to an ugly-looking-by-immortal-standards squat little man who stood to the left of him.

I uncovered my scars on my palms before the crowd. "Well then, I suppose that means I'll have to accompany you. Provided you can take us."

I snorted. FitzLuck and FitzSinister sneered at the looming throng. I found it all kinds of interesting that Phoenix knew how to block me from reading his mind. The only way he could know that would be if he knew the Denalis. I glanced over at Kate, who guiltily stared at the ground.

"Sorry Edward," she muttered. The redhead's cries pulled me away from Kate's mental explanation of his gifts.

I nodded at Jasper who had gone into calm crises voice mode. "Ma'am, I don't recall much of my human life, aside from my family."

"We grew up together. I am your family." She corrected him softly.

Annie-Victoria thought James needed to grab that little one next to him so they could leave, and she would have one of her troops take the weird looking human and her husband. Jasper would understand. He'd have to. Their love would see them through this awkward transition. She had finally after searching for over one hundred years, found her mate.

The Southerner in Jasper emerged at long last. Horrified at his social quandary, he took a useless breath and said, "Miss Annie, I am surely sorry to cause you grief. I only remembered Aaron recently."

"Well, that must have been a sign!" she beamed. Yes, a sign from the demonic hands of my singer's Grandmother that trouble was on its way. Maybe she meant red haired person with red eyes. My singer could have got it wrong. Annie's eyes were certainly maroon showing her preference for human blood.

"Miss Annie," he paused sending a wave of calm to her and the rest of the vampires, "I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you that I am happily mated to Mary Alice. And no force on earth can undo that as you well know." He beamed compassion at her. And calm.

"But you love me."

"I do, indeed." Jasper fought to maintain his demeanor and tried again to soothe her with his ability.

And if that was her feeling calm under his influence, I did not want to see what her temper really was like. Watching Annie-Victoria as she was absolutely crushed proved painful, not to mention dreadful. We all felt like interlopers on a private scene. And her pain scourged my brother like a cat of nine tails whip held in the hands of a demon.

"I waited for you, for all these years, because I knew our love was so strong that if you lived as I had heard you did, that you would be searching the world for me. I left messages in every town trying to find you. I've been faithful to you for all this time. I never let another man touch me. I saved myself for you. I even abandoned our daughter to keep her safe." She gasped as she sobbed, holding her arms around her waist. My brother moved as if struck.

"Our daughter?"

"Yes," she wept. "We had a little girl."

I sent the images from her mind to Jasper of a tiny little tot with auburn curls and his eyes. She had survived Aaron's wrath because Annie-Victoria had left her with neighbors for the day. Annie-Victoria stared at her years later playing in the woods with her new family, towering over all the other children, lithely moving just ahead of everyone in their game of tag. She always won, Annie-Victoria, thought in pride, just like her father.

The scene moved to a graveyard, as she wept at the premature death of her daughter. Jasper moaned in pain for the child he never knew he had. She had died in 1893, although Annie-Victoria was vague on the details. She'd been buried under her new name which is why Jasper had never known of her. To protect her Annie-Victoria had erased the records of her birth.

Thinking of how she'd had to watch her child from afar due to Fate and search for her man all these years, the rage that swept through this tall woman impressed me. Her mind immediately turned to Mary Alice, "You took my husband. He is my mate. I have a prior claim." She waved her ring at Mary Alice who blinked at her in sympathy.

"Miss Annie, I can not even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you. I'm rightly sorry for it."

"As am I," my brother continued his wife's sentence smoothly, "I am truly mated and I am happy with my wife. I am so very sorry to be the cause of not only your pain, but the idea of you roaming the earth for all this time...." His voice trailed off in sympathy for her. He tried to use his powers on her to no avail. You couldn't calm the truly insane. And Annie by her mind had just joined their ranks as the newest member of the mad. Annie died in that moment and Victoria emerged from the bloated corpse.

"Jasper, you are just confused. You'll remember me, and then you'll understand our bond and why I waited without a qualm for all these years. Our love withstood even death. We are truly mates. You've simply forgotten. But I'll help you, my heart."

James watched amused. The other vampires in his coven began to shift restlessly, something immortals rarely did; they were bored by this drama. Victoria just needed to grab the little females and run.

He took out a medallion identical to the one my fiancée wore, that from the thoughts of one vampire in front of me had drawn them here like a magnet. James claimed, "This necklace proves that Mary is my wife. I gave it to her on our wedding day."

This brought Victoria much comfort. That would solve everything. They could all go their separate ways. God designed it that way.

"What was my brother's name?" Mary Alice asked him.

"That's a trick question, my sweet. You didn't have a brother."

James only remembered killing her parents. I decided not to share that ghastly image with my sister, although I did share it with my brothers, Eleazar, Laurent, and Father. The wolves too, as I fed them the scene. And fine, I had included Young to Me Old Power in on the fun all along.

My sister frostily said to the cad, "His name was Jeremy. It's rather stupid to lie in front of an empath and a psychic." Mary Alice called out in Oscan, "that is mine," and the pendant flew from his grasp.

Jasper's palm caught it and he put it around his wife's neck.

"Oh well, we did try. We did show manners did we not?" The other vampires agreed. He stepped towards Mary Alice, saying to the vampires around him, "Only she, Jasper, and the human are to live. Kill everyone else." As they leapt towards us they slammed rather hard, might I add, into the rings I'd erected around us and fell to the ground moaning in pain. Pity. That.

"What was that again?" Jasper asked. "It's hard to hear you with mud in your mouth."

My brother pulled out his vampire blade, as did Eleazar and every other immortal we could arm. I had given my bride hers, not that she would have need of it. I wanted her to feel safe.

Climbing from the earth brushing the filth from him, James coolly ordered, "Phoenix. I believe they need to feel some of your gift."

Phoenix smiled and it was not a very nice one with all those missing teeth. He pulled a syrinx, or pan pipe, from his pocket and began to blow into it. I wondered how he fed without drooling. As the high notes filled the air, the pain began and I knew no more.

The last thing I heard as I crumpled to the porch was the clash of metal and flesh. I planned on chiding Hezekiah about his inconvenient timing the second he arrived. Except, he didn't. I floated in blackness unable to breathe or move. And if I thought that was bad, it was nothing compared to what followed next. Listening to Grace's croon, I swam toward the sight of her in the sludge that surrounded me. As I burst from the pitch, I'm afraid I lost my temper again. Oops.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, this is the part where I have to remind you that in the ****first section of the story they are all alive, right? Excellent. Let the snark ****commence. Edward and Bella kissed. A lot. Edward really has one heck of a ****peck....I mean pucker. Had, being the operative term. About the puckering ****part. Alas. Alack. Main Edward wants me to tell you that all his manly parts ****are intact and for the love of Pete, will people stop asking about the ****performance issue. Damn envious spirits. Why can't they just have their own ****orgasms and leave his alone? And hers? This is so unfair. To them both.**

**Bella learned all sorts of new regulations and about treaties and ****spirits galore. Young to Me Old Power and Edward had a meeting of the ****minds. Sort of. She so plans on smacking him into the next century the ****second she gets her claws on him. And finds what he did with her food ****which she is contractually obliged to send to over 3,000 covens across ****the globe. Edward decided to saunter home with his dear little one, and ****gift her with visions and more accessories. More uninvited guests came ****to dinner. Jasper found out he has a wife. Another one. And a child.**

**Edward's ring of power fell due to that jerk Phoenix, who Main Edward ****wants me to tell you is so going to get a piece of his mind. Soon.**

**Starched Shirt Edward and Douglas are clinking nuts together. Please review!**

**

* * *

**

**References: **

**There's a nod in this chapter to Lloyd Alexander author of the chronicles of Pyrdain.**

**I have vivid memories of being emotionally scarred by my Mother ********showing me this book. So I had to have Jugurtha read it to Starched**  
**Shirt Edward.**

**http://www (dot) amazon (dot) com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539**

**Old Man Yorkie made a reference to the bakura when mentioning why he did not spill about the Cullens being immortal and all. For a brief lesson in Japanese history:**

**http://search (dot) japantimes (dot) co (dot) jp/cgi-bin/fl20090120zg (dot) html**

**For a fascinating account of the history of cussing:**

**http://www (dot) unm (dot) edu/~abqteach/linguistics/02-08-10 (dot) htm**

**To learn more about the dodo bird:**

**http://www (dot) britannica (dot) com/EBchecked/topic/167601/dodo**

**The legal age of marriage in Washington State actually is eighteen:**

**http://www (dot) wsba (dot) org/media/publications/pamphlets/marriage (dot) htm**

**It's always a good idea to know the symptoms of a heart attack. Many people don't know about the pain in the arm as a warning sign.**

**http://www (dot) americanheart (dot) org/presenter (dot) jhtml?identifier=4595**

**Annie/Victoria's surname came from this source:**

**http://civilwarthosesurnames (dot) blogspot (dot) com/**


	45. HOD pt 34 I Have a Heart Problem

**This is where the Denali coven really lives**

**http://static**** (dot) panoramio (dot) /photos /original /16628662 (dot) jpg**

**Snarky Summary:**

**So in our last chapter Edward discovered he had an unusual talent to make women swoon. Well, one in particular. And those uptight Quileute spirits suffered a case of orgasm envy and ripped that gift away after he'd only used it three times. Now how is he going to explain to his fiancée that he can't perform, ahem, like that? Without hands? "It's not you. It's me. Really." I can just see it now. *blinks sadly***

**Jasper had an unexpected family reunion, and drove off a demented relation in an uncharacteristic bout of emotional stupidity and tactlessness. And the Cullen coven had an unexpected visit from yet another group of red-eyed people – this one demanding Mary Alice and Bella. As if. When we last ended our saga, Edward was writhing on the ground under the tender ministrations of an immortal named Phoenix. **

**Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.**

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing for me.**

**Many thanks to everyone for reading. And hanging in there with me.  
**

**Your reviews for the last chapter had me howling in all the right ways. Many of you had rather firm opinions on Edward's gift of puckering and producing delightful results for CC Bella. Alas, if every man could kiss like that. *sniff* Ladies, we'll always have CC Edward who wants you to know that even though he is temporarily impotent – wait – that's not the right word – he would like to assert that not all men need their hands. He hopes to one day join those ranks again. Thanks to my muses:**

**Cullenista, superhuman moron, Fitten, beeda1974, lovelifeX2, TwilightMomofTwo, Viridis73, PJ Austin, , Forest Sentry Koneji, Mizra, Austexfan, bitandhooked, ChloeNine, luv4edwardcullen, jaijaimays, Mutt N. Feathers, jmolly, Cindy Windy, Solenoidbelle, prettyflour, Codelina, tapiana, antipyro, Lady Dragona, Rogue, TraceyJ, Sexysadie13, tears, jynxx, silly sad Sarah Twilighted, electrovanilla, katrela, feluritup, Mav, Nyaris, JajiTaXx, squarepancake, chmcolli, Cullen Concession, Merrisol, Lisamackb, Siamecho, kaydence, fanficreader83, MsLessa, Sariedee, well that's me, smiles, writz, notmyself, Killeen, Disney Vamire, elphabacy35, LJ Summers, Jenny1979, Nicolina, tazz, June, cavriola, pomme_de_terre, and Robs_Muse.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. But the characters of Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, The Other Immortals, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**The song for this chapter is Penelope's Song by Loreena McKennitt. You can find it on Youtube  
**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Thirty-Four – My Name Is Edward Cullen, and I Have a Heart Problem. **

James was irate that Phoenix's shield failed to work, scrambling mentally to discover the source of our strength. He thought it came from Emmett because he was the largest and radiated menace. The imbecile mentally dismissed everyone else as being weak, especially me due to that whole writhing on the ground like a worm on hot ashes business. Now that he thought about it, he'd never seen Phoenix leave someone alive after that particular trick so he wondered why his subordinate had all of a sudden gone soft.

James sighed as if giving that order to kill everyone had been hasty. "We can, of course, allow you to remain unharmed under one condition. Hand over the human and Mary and we'll allow your family to live."

"What could you possibly want with my son's human fiancée?" Father started using his gift, trying to ignore my suffering in order to help us all. We could see the Uninvited Immortal coven relax. They thought we were a bunch of little children they could snatch candy from without so much as a wail. Meanwhile the wolves were closing in, as was the Not Really In Vancouver Coven.

"What I want with the human is none of your business," James snapped, "And you would be better off obeying me, pretty boy." Sometimes I forgot that Father had only been in his early twenties when he had been turned.

Father summoned a voice I've never heard before. In a wintry tone, accompanied with a polite smile, he said, "How rude of me. I failed to introduce myself. My name is Carlisle Cullen. In the immortal world, I'm known as the fourth brother. And you are trying to take the wife of Raphael. And that human is my daughter and under my protection. Jane and Alec's, too."

Someone from the back of the crowd exclaimed, "Wait. THE Raphael." And started moving forward to examine my brother while the ones around him moved back a healthy distance, much to James' ire.

"In the flesh," Jasper said, drawing James from his mental snit fit.

It was so unfair that Raphael, he thought that name mockingly, had a more fearsome reputation than he did. He'd have to remedy that. And that fourth brother business? If he was a dead fourth brother, then no one would complain, right? And what Jane and Alec didn't know couldn't hurt him. He'd create an alibi swearing he'd been in Cancun instead of Washington State.

One lout scratched his chin and whined suspiciously, "How do we know that is true? No one who has ever seen Raphael's face survived."

Jasper simply smiled, "An excellent point. Want to see why?" He lunged at the vampire that crept towards our Mother. We needed a fire. Now. So my dear little one asked Grace for some help seeing as my powers seemed to be misbehaving. A blast rocked the yard right in the middle of a clutch of Victoria's party. Fire exploded at their feet. Two managed to get away in time. Grace, remaining invisible, took care of the rest. Apparently she was hungry. Really hungry. The vampires disappeared bite by shrieking to shame a banshee bite in front of their horrified comrades.

It even captured Victoria's notice mid-rant about the universe being unjust. With a wave of her hand, she moved her group of 25 vampires back a few paces. And the other vampire that lunged for Jasper, she personally tore apart, screaming, "No one touches my mate!" Apparently something about the name Raphael had sent the already unhinged woman around the lunatic bend for another lap or fifty. I couldn't make sense of her mind. It reminded me an awful lot of Lee Quill on that awful night not so long ago.

The vampires in the coven gawped. One of them muttered, "I didn't sign up for this. Jane and Alec and Raphael? That's a recipe for immortal disaster. I don't even like saying those three names in the same sentence."

Phoenix leaned over gently with a vampire blade and carved out the man's tongue, throwing it into our fire like one would an extra piece of wood. The afflicted man rolled on the ground shrieking. Phoenix kicked him towards the flames and scoffed, "Bite your tongue."

Father merely acted bored at the distasteful display, "I'm afraid we won't be able to comply with your requests. Please leave our house and our property immediately." He did not have to verbalize the "Or I'll make you," part.

"Sorry, no." James barked, laughed, and lunged with a feral cry.

Grace showed me as I climbed out of the pit of despair towards her that fighting had broken out between my family and the Uninvited Almost As Snarky As Me Immortals that stood around James. From the thoughts around me as I'd fallen to the ground screaming, my fiancée had literally thrown her body on top of mine. The immortals in the area had to turn away their eyes hurt so much from the phosphorescent glare the two of us produced.

Phoenix yelped and dropped his pipes, halting the music, and despite a brief respite, the pain resurged with a vengeance. Apparently none of his victims had ever had the bright idea of lobbing a pine cone at his face, except of course, for dear Rosalie. My sister did not like this repulsive yahoo hurting her brother. Phoenix, for his part, wondered why all of my family was not collectively squirming on the ground as that is what he had intended with his gift, not just that baby-faced brat with the smug grin and human barnacle like appendage that hurt his eyes.

I heard my fiancée whisper, "You can't die on me Edward. I won't let you." I went completely still at the touch of her forehead against my own. As if we were alone, she rubbed her fingers on my temples, which actually, despite all that agony business, seemed to help. It took everything I had to keep still. I couldn't hurt her. I flickered in and out of awareness. A thought from that scumbag brought me back.

Phoenix could not figure out why his grand scheme failed and decided to concentrate a blast on my dear little bottle cap to see if that would make a difference. And that was where I believe I lost my composure as power roared into life as I groveled before the Quileute spirits. Within the prison of my mind, the sludge that I crawled out of like primeval ooze in my personal hell acted like tentacles from some monster out of an old movie, trying to imprison me in its lair forevermore. With that mental sword of Damocles shaking in my hand, I started swinging, and each movement sent fire radiating up my arm, tempting me to drop the weapon.

Then Grace lifted me from this realm by a fin and moved me into her lair. She insisted on cleaning me like a Mother sending her son out to face the enemy with clean undergarments and a nice haircut still tsking over my need for a haircut. I came to with the realization that a blast of some kind of power was headed towards my little Grandmaster. And that was completely unacceptable. I put up a shining hand and erected a wall in anticipation of impact. That should show those bastards I had power. Or not. All the pain washed over me as the blast hit, fortunately sparing them. I vomited blood and my lunch, which would be all kinds of uncomfortable explaining to my girlfriend that I did not have a bleeding ulcer. Wait, she already knew about that drinking blood business. The immortals on the other side saw the human food exploding from my mouth and were revolted. Who knew the smell of regurgitated food acted like chemical warfare as the wave backed away from the front line? It made fourteen of them vomit, I'm happy to report. Jasper thought it an excellent diversion. Emmett gave it bonus points for the gross-out factor. Even Laurent was impressed. Although I caught him staring at my backside a bit too long.

Seeing his retreating troops, James snarled at Phoenix, "Whatever you did wrong. Fix it. We don't have time to dither."

Phoenix barked, "Why not do something original like pick up a blade and fight yourself, eh? Or are you too afraid of harming that pretty average face?"

That was enough to launch James straight for Father, who stood in front of Jasper and Mary Alice. The little human was a curiosity. Mary Alice was his real prize.

Curiously, the vampires that stood around Victoria or Annie or whatever her name was, did not join in on the fray. She tried to drag Jasper to safety. I was in so much pain it was easier to concentrate on the thoughts of others as rage spurred me to beg the spirits for aid. I was going to show all of these bastards what power really was. I think. I feared I'd never be able to use it again because of these strange icy-like vines that seemed to be wrapped around my brain.

My brother struggled with the idea of hurting Annie, but needed to help his mate, and that gap-toothed scoundrel was getting on his nerves. "Miss Annie, if you really knew anything about me you would know that I would never hurt you willingly and I'd never abandon my . . . wife." He winced at that last part. Jasper felt so confused. And talking to her in public about matters so private – he'd panicked in that initial moment of seeing her and he felt shamed at having caused her such distress in front of others, much less other immortals who would spread it all over the VampVerse.

"I am your wife! And you already abandoned me once, Raphael. I used to follow your orders during the Southern Wars, you know that? I scoured all of Mexico and you were right under my nose all along. Why does she get you but I can't? What is so special about her? We were happy! And you swore to love me forever. I've kept my vow no matter how much it hurt. I abandoned our child and our family to keep her safe and find you." She wept outraged and overwhelmed which swept into my brother's tormented mind. From Mary Alice's comments, Annie figured out his gift really did work and took comfort in the pain radiating from him. He had been away from her for so long; he needed a reminder of their love. And she sent to him all the love and pain and anguish that she'd endured.

"As much as it might pain you to do so Jasper, as your true wife, I am insisting that you end this association with this poor woman and return to your family. You must honor your vows. Any marriage ceremony you had with her is invalid. I'm giving you 24 hours to disentangle yourself from this torrid mess." She shook herself free of his arm waved at the gobsmacked vampires around her and said, "This is not our fight."

Jasper brushed the hair from her brow trying to send his feelings into Annie in vain, "This is my fight. And I have to finish it. I'm so very sorry."

Love turned to pain turned to justifiable anger. Victoria/Annie decided that the ones who wanted Mary Alice would just have to cope with her death as she turned and ran with a group towards the woods. Jasper did not have the heart to chase her, nor did he have the time as he was attacked from all sides. As a vampire blade dagger headed toward the back of Annie, he literally snatched it from the sky, earning himself a wound on the arm in the process from a snarling significantly shorter than he furry little vampire who appeared to be from Macedonia. And his first wife took note of his sacrifice on her behalf and tucked it away in what was left of her rational mind. She then noted Mary Alice's concern for my fiancée. That could be useful, too.

Jasper hoped that they could work things out and she could move on with her life, and it was an understatement to say that he was engaged in self-flagellation – although currently he was beating everyone else around him to ashes. My brother didn't seem to grasp that his first wife had literally just gone insane. His only emo excuse was that he had to block the emotions and rage of everyone around at once in order to survive battle after receiving that one tsunami of emotion from Annie/Victoria. He couldn't hone in on one person for a long period of time or he would feel overwhelmed. The main emotion he had detected from Annie/Victoria/Whatever she called herself now was anguish on a level he had never felt. The few memories that he did have of their wedding and their life tortured him with rapier images of a smiling couple that danced under the stars while chaperoned by their beaming parents. And it had been half a century since my brother had been in battle, and he'd never been in one quite this_ large _with quite these emotions. And that's when Jasper really let loose and had a good old fashioned hissy fit at the unfairness of life. And since he couldn't take his rage out on Annie, he decided to find another more deserving target. He wanted James' head, and he wanted it now. The arms and legs were optional. Disassembly, delightfully, was required. This was a goal he could really sink his teeth into with relish. As he advanced on the enemy ten of them took one look at his face and fled screaming all the way.

And just like lady Fate, adored me so, she decided I needed more excitement in my life. Apparently, I must be bored. I couldn't seem to figure out how to use these blasted powers. I felt this energy radiating through me but I couldn't determine how to let the force out of me. My singer wrapped her hands around my waist and we both seemed to glow: she a bright white and me a dark green. Our auras combined and I felt like the very earth's warmth flowed into me as my hands caught on fire. Vampires around me launched at the two of us. Instinctively, I swept my fiancée behind me to protect her as I surged to my feet. My arm used too much force and she went flying across the clearing, her body headed towards the shut front door of the house. Yelping, "Oops" I used my power to slow her rate. And a vampire crashed against me at that second, distracting my mind. I heard her bones snap as she hit the side of the house. I screamed in fury as I smelled her blood as she slid down the wall and saw her lose consciousness. I had managed to levitate my brother with ease, and boulders under Hezekiah's tutelage. Why couldn't I lift a 105 pound girl? I put up a force field around her crumpled form, knowing I could not help her now or my entire family would die.

The wolves exploded out of the forest behind the house having recently pounced with glee onto the extra supposed to be laying in wait for an ambush troops that had lurked a mile from the back of the house in wait. The dead immortals the wolves had killed were, based upon their screams for help that had gone unanswered, affiliated with Phoenix, _were_ being the operative term. The pack had dispatched them in two minutes. It had taken longer to set the fire than it had to kill the twenty immortals. John insisted they'd have to work on that whole setting fires quickly practice as, much to their satisfaction, the pack finished their first course and left it roasting in the woods.

When they bounded into the battlefield, most of the enemy crowd of vampires had never seen anything like these mammoth sized beings, and had heard rumors of the ones in Europe. That was when the tide started to turn and they began to retreat posthaste as the wolves tore through their ranks. Young to Me Old Power led her troops in from the west as they milled into the crowd of unwelcome pests. And she kept the archers busy the entire time.

John suddenly gave the pack a command to pull back which confused me. I wanted those immortals dead? Why were they retreating?

I had tuned out Young To Me Old Power's ranting at me. She'd been doing it for the past ten minutes and I thought if I pretended it was not happening maybe she would just leave me alone and torment someone else. I should have known better. Just like her Mother, that one. Crazy and tenacious. If the two of them were so charming, I could not wait to meet the missing twin brother. And how was I to know she was speaking directly to me? It's not like we were on a first name basis.

Her 400 strong force surrounded James' group, with her in the front, an expression on her face as if having to even meet with these immortals was beneath her semi-precious self. At the wave of her arm, archers pulled back longbows that looked like something that had escaped the Battle of Agincourt. What good would arrows do on our flesh? That was a pointless bit of showmanship.

Oh. The arrows. Eve snarked to me with her thoughts, _"Edward, it's been so long. And you've been a rather naughty lad in the meantime. Pay attention now. We used our alloy to make the arrows and coated them in poison. As soon as they land those they hit will die." _And golly gee. She was right. The first wave tore through the skies like a swarm and landed among the surging crowd towards the back of the enemy line.

Incredulously, James laughed out loud, "Seriously? You're using arrows on us? How quaint. This is going to be fun."

That's when the first fighters struck with the arrows started falling to the ground screaming at a pitch that hurt everyone's ears.

Eve said, "Wait for it. This is the good part." She sounded like she watched her favorite picture show. Everyone stopped swinging for a moment to turn to watch the victims who began convulsing with yellow foam spewing from their mouth. While that had everyone riveted, both sides included, Young to Me Old Power with a pained sigh signaled for a second round, with a "this is going to be too easy," mien radiating from her snotty self.

I noticed all the Fake Canadians wore dark green tunics and had embroidered gyrfalcons on the hem of their shirts. They did not stand out as the clothing was designed to blend in the forest. You had to be close to see the stitchery. It did serve as an interesting device in battle. The enemy that moved close enough to see the symbols became distracted.

Eve all but quivered in anticipation as an even larger wave of arrows that came from the opposite direction skewered fifty-seven more enemy vampires. And these instantly shrieked and burst into flame. "That's a more recent trick of ours. Nasty, that." One or twenty hurled their bodies against nearby companions who batted them away in panic, dropping their weapons to extinguish the flames. We might not be able to die by fire alone, but it was enough to instinctively panic any immortal. And panic spread through the ranks as they watched the burning stumbling wretches try unsuccessfully to put out the fires on their bodies. The problem being that they weren't dead, merely paralyzed and burning endlessly. That's when Jasper decided he was going to seize the advantage and began hacking his way through the gawping enemy before him, Alice at his side.

The Uninvited Immortals realized, belatedly, that perchance that arrow business should be taken seriously. From my memory of the longbow, its maximum range was about 240 meters when used by a human. In immortal hands, however, it was considerably more lethal. With our strength we could fire from considerably farther distances, and with our vision, more accurately.

I pounced on the next vampire in front of me, a blonde with an overbite and hygiene issues judging by the plaque on her teeth. I had never killed a woman before. After she screamed what she planned on doing to me, Jugurtha suggested that just this once we could make an exception and to just imagine that she was Lauren Mallory. She had threatened the welfare of our manly parts. We couldn't have that. My family never knew what made me tear that woman to limbs so fast, they simply admired the speed.

Phoenix found religion when he realized that Young to Me Old Power's archers were outside of his range of his power and could shoot him at will. And when I turned back, that Phoenix character had run away with his tail between his legs like the puling pan-pipe coward who couldn't even play the instrument properly, I added, in a hiss merely to enrage him, or drool, or better yet, both. "Did they make dentures for vampires? If so, you needed a pair STAT." He halted for a second, tempted to turn around and show me who was boss. I continued while hacking at two wiry sword bearing gnats in front of me, "Vampires were supposed to become more attractive when transformed," I shouted at his back, "which made me wonder what you looked like when alive. When you were born, I'm sure the doctor slapped your mother." The immortals around him were stunned that anyone could talk to Phoenix like that and still live. He aimed a blast back at me, which kind of sort of hurt and I snickered, "Pathetic. Run along now little troll boy before someone actually makes you fight like a real vampire." His inglorious exit was accompanied to the jeers of the Cullen coven.

I told Jugurtha, "Pencil in our killing him as soon as we can." He flipped through our schedule and said, "At present we're booked, to your right!" Oh. Right. I stabbed some immense immortal that looked like he belonged in a traveling circus as the muscle-man. He dwarfed Emmett although it didn't take much effort to carve him to pieces.

I waded through crowds of immortals, some paralyzed by arrows cheerfully hacked apart by the sword wielding newborns, others like extras from a zombie movie lunging for me. And darn it all, this killing multiple people at once business was work. Sure I'd killed a roomful of humans or two in my day – gangsters – and I was never caught –although having one time being called the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre had been entertaining at the time, but this was different. These could fight back. And even worse, they were armed with vampire blades, too. Which hurt when they struck flesh. They'd dipped theirs in some kind of unpleasant substance as well that fell just short of poison. My powers activated and I began to burn green which worked as a distraction ploy. Then they flickered off. Blast.

As he skulked out of the clearing trailed by cowardly minions Phoenix shouted back at me, "Hey, do they make you in a glow in the dark version, sucker?" I think there was an "s" on that last word. I glared at him wishing I could blow him into smithereens imagining him as the new Tyler Crowley sitting in a van. Troll boy failed to hide the starts of surprise when three trees along his path vaporized in impressive geysers of wood shavings. A few landed in his eyes. And hurt, I am delighted to say. I'd have to kill him later as I had to face the howling hordes hopping in front of me waving their weapons. I let Phoenix know with a mental shove that the sawdust in his clothing was a personal gift from yours truly and that I'd kill him later as he didn't merit enough attention to chase. He squealed in outrage and aimed a wave of his gift at me that, being out of range and all, killed twenty of his own soldiers. Diva.

"Hey thanks moron!" I jeered.

I heard shrieking behind me from the direction of my fiancée. The rings that I'd erected around her were weak due to that whole powers deserting me in my time of need problem. So all her birds decided to come out and play and be useful for once. Grace kept herself invisible and hovered over her body and the birds were smart enough not to tangle with her. I ordered FitzSinister and FitzLuck, the ones on my palms, "Join them." And they stayed exactly in place, blinking at me in confusion. These minions were morons. Even my hands couldn't work right tonight.

Emmett thought the seven birds surrounding my dear little one's body extending their wingspan – giant birds, might I add, were totally cool, and worried as he could smell the bleeding that not only was she going to be hurt, but I was going to lose my mind when they had to turn her. My entire family tracked her vital signs, ready to pounce if they could take the time and had to in order to preserve her life.

And Emmett really liked the way the Fitz flock disemboweled and ate the guts of the vampires that challenged them. That had to hurt a bit as they used their talons to perfection. Vanquished vampire, medium rare. I'm not sure why Emmett thought their slaughtering of the immortals needed to be capped off by drawing the letter "z" in their chests prior to ripping them to pieces, but I'm sure he had a good reason. I'd never seen anyone fight and look so darn cheerful in the process. Emmett acted as he reached out to kill the next opponent as if they were long time companions meeting for a pint of ale at a tavern in front of friends. Rosalie handled herself with distinction, particularly when one of James' gang made a rude comment about her attire and virtue.

Mother and Father worked as a team fighting the immortals in front of them, and it was all kinds of awkward trying to fight and keep track of my family's kill rate while trying to shield them at some low level from the powers that various vampires in James' group kept trying to direct at them. We still faced a large group that seemed to increase by the minute. And Jasper kept inching closer to that James character with his wife fighting at his back.

Peter and Charlotte when they made their appearance at the side of the wolves had sent terror through the ranks of those who had participated in the Southern Wars. Peter, apparently had earned quite the reputation as a hell raiser. Five vampires dropped their blades and ran for their undead lives when he and his wife hacked in their direction through the arrow adorned poisoned immortals at their feet, joining Jasper and his mate.

Young to Me Old Power ordered another wave at the retreating vampires – half were hit and fell to the ground. She hadn't deigned to pick up a weapon using her powers to immolate anyone who came to close. Her minions would then hack them to pieces. Apparently she could not be bothered with the messy details of that slaying the enemy business.

I wanted to go back to my fiancée and aid her. But I couldn't leave my family and siblings to die as we were currently being attacked. I had to protect them all. But I could hear her heartbeat fluttering remembering how she'd said my name as she slipped into unconsciousness whispering it like a prayer. My powers wavered again when I noticed a large wave gathering for an attack on her and the flock. They seemed to think that she would be the easiest hostage to snatch if they could kill those glowing things. I threw out an arm begging the powers for aid. Nothing happened. The three rings I'd put over her spirit flickered off. Had I the luxury of time, I would have grabbed at my pounding head at that moment as icy daggers stabbed at my forehead.

That's when Eve and her mate rushed to my little bottle cap's side. As scores of enemy immortals headed towards them Eve halted mid-swing, noticing my power plight. She held out her hand and did something that erected a ring around my singer. She whispered a heartfelt, "I'm sorry, Bella." It only took a second, but it proved costly. Eve stared down at a blade that erupted out of the front of her chest, cleaving her in half. As she fell and the next sword strike hit, she worried for her mate. Then she worried no more. Her mate seeing her fall, snapped. Letting out an anguished wail, he hacked her killer to bits, threw his sword to the side, and at the cries of his comrades knelt down before the enemy arms widespread and permitted himself with joy to join his mate. The Uninvited Immortals attempted a second assault on my singer and what the gyrfalcons didn't kill, Grace annihilated.

Young to Me Old Power appeared distressed at Eve's demise. She ordered her archers, "Kill anything that moves towards the human that isn't on our side."

I couldn't choose if I should run back to her since she did have her guardians or continue defending my family and my fiancée by killing the ringleaders, so I simply fought my way through the throng, screaming in rage. I wanted to head for that Phoenix gent and track him into the forest, but I couldn't use my senses to detect him. Instead, I had to use what little power I could beg, borrow, or steal to reconstruct the shields around my fiancée and family although they only protected them from the gifts of other immortals. Bodies flew at me from every direction and I kept snarling and dismembering, tearing a limb here and there with her vampire dagger. They did not expect us to have blades. Jasper and Emmett used the scentless swords which caught our attackers completely off guard. I left several missing both arms and continued fighting, knowing they couldn't pick up their limbs. The newborns were highly effective in stabbing and tossing body parts into the roaring fire. Several of them came up with the ingenious idea of flashing their, ahem, body parts at the enemy and distracting them while the others lunged for the kill. Tanya seemed to find that technique amusing as she wielded her blade, Kate at her side, Irina coming up from behind.

Growing impatient, Jugurtha suggested decapitating the enemy and moving on to let the newborns finish the job would be prudent. Good idea. I cut through the crowd like butter or molasses, depending upon when the powers decided to work. And goodness, my head hurt. It startled the enemy to see but not smell blood running down my nose onto my chin. I didn't have time to wipe it away and frankly, it appeared to be a good diversion that allowed me to kill four hungry vampires in a row.

Her necklace burned so brightly the immortals attempting to ring my dear little one and Mary Alice – whose necklace had also ignited, could not see either, nor could I, although I could hear my little Grandmaster's heart beat. The bright light also aided Jasper in his hacking expedition as more fell before his sword. He had picked up someone else's blade and now used both hands like a windmill of doom. Jasper and Mary Alice were even more lethal because she knew exactly what they would do before the enemy even thought it. So anyone who thought she would be Jasper's weak flank soon learned of their mistake. And it didn't take long for those watching them fighting to figure that out, as increasing numbers dropped their arms and fled to be cut down by arrows. Young to Me Old Power ordered her forces that no enemy was to leave the field alive.

Emmett chortled as he fought merrily whistling as he and Rosalie worked as a team killing anyone who approached them. Mother and Father managed to hold their own. I was amazed to see that Mother was quite fierce. I had never seen Carlisle kill anything other than animals so watching him snarl felt like an out of body experience. And James was quite good with a blade. Father suddenly lost his temper at this demon who threatened his family and with a clean swipe, decapitated James right as his body exploded with arrows – turning him into a vampire hedgehog that danced headless around the field. Jasper arrived to assist in that dismemberment part and they tossed his body like garbage into the roaring flames after searching it for any kind of evidence they could use. He emerged with a cell phone and nothing else.

Irina frankly, was the scariest of them all, as she, like Jasper, genuinely loved the taste of battle. She moved lithely through the troops as if she were dancing with death, wearing an enchanted expression as she sliced and diced her way across the crowd. Tanya and Kate as well as the newborns fought with a ferocity that surprised me. Eleazar appeared to be in his element, although Carmen was probably the weakest fighter in the bunch. When she took two wounds to her right shoulder, her mate lost his temper and showed the immortals around him just why the Volturi had prized his skills. Young to Me Old Power sent off a final wave of arrows and that, combined with the wolves and fear of Raphael-itis, proved to be the turning point. Those left standing on the field scurried off to be chased by her troops. She went with them, snarling mentally words to the effect in haughty Oscan that I had better see to my fiancée.

My dear little algae lover came to consciousness and I ran toward her, hoping my family could take care of the rest. As I sprinted at wolfpire speed, my brothers had to kill the ones in my wake tearing apart two women who were foolish enough to block my way. The battle was all but over as Young to Me Old Power's troops chased the remaining force from the field.

Rosalie and Mary Alice with Charlotte's assistance had captured two soldiers and held them at sword point. Jasper, once he calmed down, would have his work cut out for him, as these two appeared to be museum quality old by immortal standards and gifted. Jasper and Emmett and the newborns held them while Rosalie, Father and I arrived at my dear little one's side. The Denali coven and the newborns took care of burning the bodies.

Seeing her blood from her head wound all over the ground having it aromatically just lying there, I had been tempted to throw myself on it and lap at it like a dog leaving her to Carlisle's care. Getting a hold of my control, I looked at her broken body and realized painfully the folly of involving a human in our life no matter how pleasurable her company, particularly a human that I refused to turn. We had managed to stop the attackers in time before any one had tried to bite her, and of course her birds had killed from my count twenty-seven who had been foolish enough to charge them, Grace had handily killed thirty before they figured out that this was not a battle they wanted to fight. I could tell from my fiancée's condition that she quite possibly could die. And it filled me with dread. Her pendant burned reminding me of my failures.

Carlisle said, "She's broken two limbs and is bleeding badly. This is not good Edward as you well know. She doesn't have long. I'm going to turn her." The birds hissed and advanced towards him. I sent a mental plea to them to let me do the talking as they closed in on my alarmed parent.

"She stays mortal." I said, working frantically with the medical supplies that Mother had brought.

Mother asked me twice, "Edward, are you sure?"

I insisted in a soft voice, "Yes, I am." Adamantly. My singer came to consciousness at my words. I could see the pain in her eyes. I knew she would not remember any of this due to the shock, and the head wound.

"Edward, I don't know if she can survive this, she's lost a significant amount of blood. I think it might be best if we turn her." Father repeated as if I hadn't heard him the first time.

"No. Absolutely not. I'd rather she die." Her eyes snapped open and stared into my own and her lips moved but no sound emerged.

"Son, I'm serious when I say she might not make it."

"No," I spat. Pieces of the corpses of the enemy vaporized around us. That's when my family decided perhaps they might want to try a different approach.

My broken little bottle cap whispered in bafflement, "Edward?"

"Yes, little one?"

"I'm so cold. And it hurts."

"I know. You'll soon be warm. Close your eyes." I kept my calm as my sisters began to weep.

"Edward?"

"Take the locket," her words slurred, her tone flat.

"No, you keep it"

"Please." Her words fell on deaf ears as she lost consciousness. She must have really hit her head hard because she was not speaking her plea in my direction, looking Father in the eye as she spoke.

Rosalie removed the necklace and ring and tossed it at me in disgust. She knew better than to even try to remove the pendant. I could feel the warmth of my dear little one's body on the locket as I stared at Mother's ring.

Jugurtha snapped, "Focus on her. Now." I stuffed the jewelry in my pocket and went back to work. Carlisle took the leg injury while Rosalie handled the head wound not trusting me around the blood. I worked on her arm. We had to shock her heart twice.

Once she had stabilized, Father said, "We don't need the hospital. We have all the equipment we need here," which was good because my senses weren't working enough to let me know how surrounded we were by irritated enemy immortals. Jasper knew that they'd most likely have the human hospital staked out, regardless. And the agony that ripped through me from using and not using the powers made me turn to the side and vomit. And now I felt hungry all of a sudden, which had never happened before when I'd been ill.

The smell of her blood became too much, more than it ever had been before. If she was going to die, then I could have a taste of her blood, right? It was not like she was going to use it. And she had asked me to touch her neck to remove the necklace. She wouldn't mind. She was unselfish that way. Noticing my dark eyes, damn him, Emmett pulled me away from her as I lunged for her throat growling, "Sorry buddy, no can do."

Alice and Mother had to join in on the fray as I struggled against them summoning the Quileute powers to let me have a light meal. They ignored me. Paula came out of nowhere and placing a paw on my head sent some kind of blast that sent me into darkness.

I came to briefly. I have vague memories of insisting that I be permitted into the room we used to perform surgery on her, scrubbed clean by Emmett and Jasper. And I have some memory of my face meeting the floor as both my brothers sat on me in encouragement of my not bursting into the room and drinking her blood as I smelled it calling to me like a whore on the street corner all those years ago in Chicago.

I recall Mary Alice giving me shots of algae as the newborns held me in their thankfully tame version of newborn twister. I could hear Mary Alice telling my brothers that she wasn't sure why but it wouldn't stop my craving for my fiancée's blood. Paula said that some kind of power was influencing me as all at once, the whole room wanted my girlfriend's blood, too and started racing towards the door. Young to Me Old Power came into the room waved her arm and put me out of my misery with a not so gentle punch of her power and an angelic smile. Women. Sneaky every last one of them. And she erected some kind of barrier around the door as my family crashed into it and tumbled to the floor stunned. She looked at six guards and said, "Go in there and make sure they don't kill her." And darkness sucked me screaming away from the lure or her blood. I didn't even have time to warn her to have them scrub before entering the surgical suite. We couldn't have her developing post-operative infections.

My human Mother sat on a bench in our garden. The sun was shining in the early spring light.

"Edward, come and sit by me," she patted the wooden bench to her left.

"Yes, Mother," I answered softly.

"You appear worried."

"I have not met anyone. And I have tried so hard." I sounded pathetic. And weak.

"Oh my child. Did I ever tell you about my courtship with your father?"

"No."

"We met at a singing performance. He was with a friend of mine from school. Your father never even noticed me."

"That does not sound like an auspicious meeting, Mother."

"Indeed. I knew the second I saw him that we would be wed."

"You did?"

"Yes. My heart cried out for him, you see. And yours has not called for anyone, has it?"

"No," I stared at my feet in shame.

"Edward, it took your father three years to come around and ask me to marry him. He was quite stubborn about it because he thought another woman would make a better wife and refused to admit he felt anything for me. I suspect you take after him in that regard. But don't worry son, you'll meet her. And the second you do, your heart will know."

"I don't know what that feels like, Mother, how will I recognize it?"

"Because your very nature will force you to put all your needs aside for her welfare. And you won't give it a second thought. And your soul will be joyous in her presence." She gave me that look that said,_ "Trust me,"_ without verbalizing it, and a fond smile, as she brushed my hair out of my eyes.

I felt Mother's hand shaking my shoulder as reality rudely interrupted my conversation with my human Mother. We were surrounded by guards from the Fake Canadians. I had failed my human mother's test. When it had counted, my very nature had wanted nothing more than her blood. That couldn't be right. And given her disability, I cringed at the thought of me snapping again, shamed to the core of my being.

What stopped me from letting Carlisle turn her was the image of how miserable she would be once she learned who I really was and how much she would hate me if I transformed her. I wondered if this moment is what Sister Claire had meant – saving one innocent soul from a life like mine being my sole purpose on earth.

As I hunkered by the door, it humiliated me that in the moment she had needed me the most, my brothers had to kill her attackers while my powers had failed me repeatedly. When she needed me again, I had wanted to drink her dry. Even now, I had two family members and assorted glaring Fake Canadians monitoring me to make sure I didn't harm her. I literally did not have the words to convey my contrition, and held my tongue and controlled my emotions around Jasper, who had enough emotions roiling around him at present due to his own marital problems.

In the silence of the night, I replayed the image of my shortcomings during the battle over and over again, to remind myself of how weak I had been when overcome with these human emotions. Mary Alice and Rosalie enthusiastically created a cover story and backed it up gleefully with evidence both had pulled out of thin air in case we needed to use it. Selfishly, I couldn't help wondering to myself, given my human's bad luck, how often we might be forced to repeat such drastic measures and risk exposure.

Father came out to announce the surgery had been successful. She had shattered ribs on her right side; her arm had been broken in two places, her leg as well. She had lost her spleen. And she had cracked her skull. It was a good thing I had ordered the necessary equipment to test her injuries, installed in a room in the basement. But she would live. I could not look my Father in the eye. I was waiting for him to tell me to leave.

He sat beside me. "Edward, it's ok."

"I'm not sure what you mean?" His thoughts did not indicate he wanted me to leave. I could not understand why he was not angry at my refusal to turn her, everyone else who was immortal simmered at me, save of course for the Denali coven. From the light streaming from the doorway of the medical room, her necklace appeared to be functioning, the birds that had been guarding her during the surgery, were back in place on her body.

"When I turned you I followed your Mother's wishes, and you were too far gone to be coherent enough to consent. Although I do not regret having you in my life as my son, I know how difficult it has been for you to be alone among us all these years. I know you are scared that she will hate you for changing her. I genuinely believe she won't. She loves you. And your Mother and I love you. And nothing will ever change that." He placed his arm on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before rising. "Edward, something you should also consider is that the longer we wait, the less likely her brain will be able to recover from the damage it has sustained today. The process of transformation does not cure old wounds." He stood there expecting a response from his thoughts, and I failed to be able to utter a word, stubbornly studying a houseplant. I looked up to meet the eyes of my Mother. She came and sat by me holding my hand placing her head on my shoulder, telling me how much she loved me with her thoughts, calling me "my dear boy." I could not answer, so I squeezed her hand.

From their thoughts, my family was baffled at how I could risk her life knowing that one little bite would have made all this suffering unnecessary. They were aghast at my pig-headedness not to mention, bewildered. We had to change her because the Volturi most definitely would arrive when they heard about this latest incident. I went into the medical room and put the locket with the ring swinging from it back around her neck.

Tanya thought she stood out of range as she said to Irina, "See, I knew he didn't really love her. If he had, he would have turned her. I'd give this another week, maybe two."

Irina said, "You raise a valid point, sister." Irina's thought indicated that Tanya, for once, was right in making an evaluation about me. She'd leave me in peace until I was more settled and then try and talk to me.

Young to Me Old Power sat with Jasper hammering out the details of a treaty listening with interest to the conversations around her, blocking my thoughts easily with her power. She didn't care what my reasons were for not turning my fiancée as long as she got her way. Why she insisted on her staying human was beyond me, but it did alleviate the ire directed at me seeing as we were surrounded with hundreds of troops.

I watched her from across the bedroom, unworthy to take the comfort of her touch, and the necklace flared in brilliance and burned for the rest of the night. In the morning, it finally extinguished. Her stitches had healed. The bones of her arm and leg were knit. The ribs no longer had fractures. The wounds from her concussion had healed slightly, and her head clearly pained her, but I'd take the miracles that Fate had granted without complaint. I had never seen anything like it in all my days. My entire family was stunned. This represented, I felt, a sign from above that I acted correctly. Sister Claire would be proud. I had saved my little one's soul for yet another day. Ten hours later she still slept, though. Father told me she needed her rest and not to worry.

Young to Me Old Power at the news of her health, left without a word. With a flick of my hand, once the treaty had been ratified, I replaced all their food, removed the barriers, and ignored everyone but her.

Carmen's cell phone rang and when she answered it her face indicated the news was not good. "Eleazar!" she called for her mate.

"You have a lovely home. Oh, pardon me. You had a lovely home," a male voice chortled in Umbrian, Phoenix by the sound of it. "We visited Denali first, silly us. Then we found where you really live. We thought you needed some incentive to come play. So we're going to turn the entire town of Norvick in twenty-four hours. Cheers." He hung up the phone.

We had lived with them in Denali years ago, but when we had parted ways; their coven had relocated to the Jade Mountains in the Kobuk Valley National Park area of Alaska. It was remote, and they'd stayed there ever since, preferring the isolation.

"Could they be any more obvious about baiting a trap?" Jasper sniffed in professional outrage. He was so going to kill them anyway.

He turned to Kate, "So, what do you know about this group?"

She answered, "It's not very pretty, Jasper."

"I don't need details; please tell me what I need to know to kill them."

"I don't know that you can. Not with Phoenix in one piece. I can't even imagine why he took off like that unless he had a plan."

"What do you mean?"

"Phoenix is probably the most gifted immortal I've ever met. And he's infamous for not wanting people to know about him. Every coven he's ever had, he's eventually killed all the members. And he's been in nine." That meant he surrounded himself with morons.

"His gift is that he leaches power – any power – and he's never met an immortal that can resist him. I would go so far as to say if he met Alec and Jane even with their gifts, Phoenix would win. And he has to be outraged that his gift didn't work on us as he intended. I would bet he doesn't understand Edward's role in this and thinks that we are responsible since we are older than all of you. That's going to make him all the more determined to come at us in Alaska as hard as he can to make sure he regains his reputation."

Jasper had included a mutual assistance clause in the treaty and called Young to Me Old Power, and invoked it. She promised to send him troops.

"With the arrows and their range, we can easily kill Phoenix without having to worry about his power," Jasper replied coolly to the family.

Irina said, "Jasper, I've met your….Annie before. During the Southern Wars."

He sighed, "I know. She was under my command. I never met her, though, and I ignored the gossip about her." We all gawped at the irony. "She can control blood lust. I am sure that is why we tried to attack Bella."

Irina left off that Annie/Victoria was infamous for her devotion to her undead spouse that no one really thought existed, because none had ever laid eyes on an immortal fitting his detailed description. I could have told them no one that lived – aside from Maria's coven. And perhaps renaming himself Raphael might have contributed to that confusion.

"Did anyone know about that James character?" Rosalie asked.

Everyone shook their heads. Everyone except for Laurent, who looked uncomfortable.

"I can't help that I'm irresistible." He said. "He and I were together briefly. He did not meet my standards and I moved on." Laurent sniffed. James had been a little short in the …oh dear Lord please scourge my mind of that vision. His temper is why they had parted ways, though, Laurent being evolved and all. I did not want to walk around eternity with that cad's manly parts jouncing in my mind. And yes, I was most definitely bigger. Douglas was probably bigger, come to think of it. I couldn't find it in my heart to feel sorry for the man. No wonder he was so mean. And if ever I needed proof that he and Mary Alice most definitely had not had sexual congress of any kind that was it. Today we would call James intersexed.

Eleazar reached for his phone and made a call to Italy. Apparently another branch of the Volturi guard, old friends of his, was visiting the locals in New York and they would be absolutely delighted to pay a visit to the backwoods of Alaska. And Eleazar, the newborns, and my family were going to join them. A quick text to Young to Me Old Power had her promising to guard the house while my dear little one resided within it.

Seth spent the night on the floor by the bed guarding his sister. He closed his mind off to me. The rest of the pack didn't want her turned in the first place and thought, aside from that whole leaping and wanting to drink her business, I had shown uncommonly good sense in a crises.

When she awoke she did not say a word when tests indicated her balance had been damaged by another 5%. I hoped it was temporary and that her necklace would cure her. She seemed like she was far away when we talked to her. Father said we had to give her time. My fiancé took a shower with the assistance of my Mother and insisted the next morning that we needed to return to school. She had that set to her jaw, and no one had the heart to argue.

I couldn't very well say to her, "Sorry about that watching you die twice part. You're staying human. Have a muffin." So instead I sat with her and ate breakfast watching her pick at her food.

The Denalis honored my wishes and stayed out of the house, affording us privacy. The last thing I needed to deal with at present was Tanya and her nonsense.

Mother said, "Bella, I know this has all been very confusing for you. We are going to have to go up to Alaska for a bit to check on the Denali's property. Edward is going to stay here to take care of you."

I had as the treaty dictated, replaced the sludge back in its place and had uncovered the barriers across the vats I'd erected world-wide. The treaty they created with Jasper seemed fair to me. Young to Me Old Power had refused to disclose details of the original treaty with Liam, arguing that since we had decided it was null and void, the details were irrelevant. My fiancée could not be turned until her 18th birthday, and that was fine by me because I'd take her and run, if necessary. If the Volturi came, she'd be secreted with the lost coven. I couldn't get the haunting image of Eve out of my mind. In her last moments, rather than thinking of Liam, who she had seemed unusually devoted to considering she was mated to another, she had only thought of the purity of her love for her mate and worried for his well-being. And I knew from her thoughts that she had truly loved Liam. Her mate's instantaneous disintegration into lunacy had been equally distressing.

Annie arriving out of the blue had been a further source of confusion for us all. I had seen glimpses of her in Jasper's mind over the years, but had never placed them in context. I simply thought they were memories of the scores of women he'd been with and had dismissed them to afford him privacy. In the aftermath of the battle, Jasper had a lot of explaining to do to his wife, um Mary Alice, his mate. How does one annul a marriage when the other party is most definitely unwilling and human judges can't get involved? This whole bigamy situation was embarrassing.

The two Romanians we had captured had refused to admit why they wanted Mary Alice, and had gloated that we Cullens have no idea what peril we had unleashed. Jasper rolled his eyes, and decided to take them with him on their trip up to Alaska for extended questioning. He did not plan on being gentle with them. And for their part, they didn't seem to care.

With my fiancée standing a foot away from my side, I waved goodbye to my family as they climbed into the various cars, promising to return in a few days. Every family member had pointedly hugged my silent singer farewell offering words of encouragement. Emmett had frightened us all by lifting her up by the waist to his eye level and saying, "I expect to come home to a talkative gosling." That almost earned a grimace from her and she astonished us all by gently kissing his cheek. My brother received a kiss and she barely spoke to me. I was in a new level of hell. Emmett stared at me in reproach as he placed her gingerly on the ground under the close observation of his non-jealous mate. This represented further proof that my family had descended into complete chaos. Rosalie normally snarled at any human female who so much as took a second glance at her mate. While my family gushed at how sweet Emmett was I could not help but compare it to that King Kong movie I had seen last night while she had slept.

Father had called an associate of his to come and take his place at the hospital, some grumpy Scot named Fergus McTavish, who was thankfully on our diet having two years of experience with it. Fergus arrived within hours, moved through the house like a ghost, and afforded my fiancée and me privacy; although he did not approve of me being in such close proximity to her at night. Silently, he told me that he expected me to behave like a gentleman or he'd have to teach me a lesson. I assured him that I would respect my Parents' wishes and that was the end of the discussion as far as he was concerned.

We turned heads when we arrived at school. I walked my dear little one to class, my arm at her stiff back as she cringed at the stares people didn't even bother to disguise. This was the first time she had been seen in public since that orchard business and people had already pestered Angela who had arrived half an hour earlier for details that she could not remember. Ben had finally had to tell the gathering crowd of goggling gawpers to 'knock it off.' I did not have to send that message verbally as an icy stare or two had the same disquieting effect, causing mortals to scamper out of our way.

I noticed that my fiancée wore her clashing necklaces under her shirt. She had told no one about our engagement, even Angela who we passed in the hallway. As usual, she was the model of discretion. We couldn't have word reaching her Father.

Jugurtha was working on researching which country I could take her to in the next few weeks to have a quick marriage. Starched Shirt Edward was joyfully at prayer at his bench in thanks for the miraculous healing of our dear little one, and even better, her living state sans venom. Due to that whole blood lust problem, I hunted twice as often. And drank the sludge as well.

Her friends sat with us at lunch that day. She barely spoke to anyone despite their attempts to engage her in conversation. After sitting back and watching, and being on the receiving end of pointed glances from Ben and Angela, I decided perhaps I should try speaking. Angela's elbow in the ribs, followed by Erik Yorkie's casual appearing clap on the back of my shoulder and hissed, "Say something, doofus," sealed the deal. I could take a hint. It's not like I was oblivious. And when had I been renamed, 'Doofus?'

"Would you like to play a game of chess?"

"No, thank you. I'm behind on my work. I'm going to go to the library. See you in class." She said that so politely while smiling at Angela, who took her tray, stacked it under her own and led her from the room as we watched silently. United against men, typical of the women to jointly torture us all. Ben and I wore mirror glum expressions as we watched ours walk arm in arm from the room. Mentally, I cringed to see her bobble a time or two as she exited.

"I don't know what you did, Edward, but you are clearly in the doghouse." Erik Yorkie said.

"I know." Remembering my manners, I asked, "How is your grandfather feeling?"

After remaining long enough to hear of Old Man Yorkie's stubbornness and return to the land of the nearly living, I left the table without a word and broke into her garden to sit on the bench and stare at the roses. They still had aphids. I used more soapy water, reaching the ones that I knew she couldn't access without a ladder. The aphids sneered at me, while the rose heads drooped, glumly. They missed her, too.

The next three days followed the same pattern. Young to Me Old Power curiously, had determined that I did not know my way around a human kitchen. Every morning one of our guards brought us a basket of food. I had no idea who had prepared it, nor did I care as it smelled perfectly disgusting – aside from the apple pie, of course. My singer ate occasionally pecking at her food, cutting it to death before taking a swallow or two. After the first day, her appetite seemed to come back to its envy of a linebacker level. The conversation, however, remained absent. School was a repeat every day of the day before to the concern of our classmates. Two of her teachers recommended to the Vice Principal that she needed to see the school counselor. Since they had the same insistence over Angela, I did not let that concern me.

I decided instead of letting her escape to the library on the fourth day back that I'd escort her to the garden instead. The aphids and I were having a pitched battle. She accompanied me and we murdered them in silence. Holding her aloft was supposed to make me feel better. Yet it only reminded me of the words that remained unspoken but lurked in the corner like unwelcome relations.

Extending my senses, I detected the crazed mind of Victoria. This was confusing, as I thought she would be in Alaska. She was headed in that direction, and mentally ranting about being betrayed. She vowed, as she left my range, that she would have Mary Alice's ashes before the week was out, and started dialing numbers on her phone to call for more aid. And the plans she had for the rest of my family chilled me to the bone. Then Jasper would be back in her arms where he belonged. He'd been, after all, perfectly happy at her side all these years keeping her company in her mind. Suddenly, like flipping a switch, her mind vanished from my ability to hear it.

Placing my singer abruptly on the ground, I called and their cell phones all took messages. They were probably out of range. But they could check their voice mail. And text messages. Using my mind, I decided to contact Young to Me Old Power. Grace and I discovered she, too, also seemed out of reach. In proper Oscan, I told the twenty guards that lurked outside of the school about Victoria and they promised glumly to pass the word on, as one sent a message on his phone to the forty that skulked a mile away.

As we climbed into my car in the school parking lot at the end of the day, I said to my quiet little bottle cap. "Where is Ephraim's journal?" She had to give it to me, so she had to answer that.

"Good call," Jugurtha encouraged. "Try to draw her out."

"I hid it in the safe deposit box."

"Why?"

"Because I knew if the book fell into the wrong hands it would cause problems for the tribe and you."

"What do you mean? The book is written in Quileute, right?"

"Yes and no." She was making this difficult.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's written in a code that uses Quileute and Cherokee."

"And you knew this how?" I winced afterwards at my tone.

Rather than act offended at my implication of her ignorance, she said, "I like learning languages." She shrugged her shoulders casually, and stared at her hands. She'd managed to demolish her cuticles over the past few days.

"Ask her how she learned to read it," Starched Shirt Edward offered. In desperation, I lunged for the idea.

"Where did you learn codes?"

"Oh, those were math games that Grandpa Jericho and Uncle Liam taught me to keep me busy when I was little."

"Would you mind if we fetched the journal?"

"I guess. As long as you don't mind driving."

"Why would I?"

"Because we'd have to go to Seattle."

"Pardon me?"

"The safe deposit box is in Seattle."

What was it with her family and safe deposit boxes? Couldn't they bury something in the back yard for once like other mentally challenged mortals? "Do you feel well enough to go?"

"As long as you protect me from Jessica Stanley, who looks like she wants to bite my head off and spit down the stump." She twisted the hem of her sweater in her hands.

"You have my word of honor. We'll go this weekend." Not that I had any honor to begin with, but my heart was in the right place.

Jessica's thoughts as we sat in the front seat of my car, pretending not to notice her ogling, were her usual idiocy. I didn't think it possible for the chit to be more foolish, but like Newton, she constantly astonished me with her fiendishly astute ability to underwhelm. _"God, what is it with that Swan girl. She gets the week off because she gets chased by some group of creeps in the woods, and she gets Edward,"_ she scared me how she pronounced my name in her mind. She said it like a prayer. If only she knew she was metaphorically praying to Satan. _"She gets Edward Cullen and his entire family waiting on her hand and foot. How is that fair? Everyone at school is talking about her all the time."_

My girlfriend being stalked by serial killers was unfair in Jessica's mind? Birdbrain. Why couldn't Darwin get it right some of the time? She definitely belonged at the bottom of the food chain. Did I need to hang a sign around her neck begging someone to snap it?

"_What am I going to have to do to get them to stop talking about her and Angela, break Lauren Mallory out of juvie? Wait. I'll start a rumor about Lauren. That'll totally work…." _Who was I to interfere in the slandering of the mendacious Miss Mallory by her alleged close friend?

Humans. They changed their affections so quickly it was difficult to keep track.

Another thought haunted me. I had heard James' perceptions during the battle. He had planned on calling Italy the first chance he got to report his news, although he hadn't shown in his mind who he would report said information to, which did not help matters. As I flew through the trees hunting, I pondered the situation. If the Volturi had been alerted by one of the retreating fighters, they would not stop at merely killing my singer. They could take out the entire school in their zeal to ensure she hadn't talked. And everyone would die horribly and it would be covered up by an explosion or some such nonsense. In my mind, while I cherished human life and did not want to see anyone blameless hurt; having an entire school annihilated for one girl bothered me. No matter what they did, I knew that she would die first and horribly before they'd kill me. I was not afraid to die, but I could not stand by and watch it happen to my family and the town of Forks because of my actions. I had to count on Jasper to kill the remaining force. If they were dead, as I predicted they most surely would be, they could not be making any calls to Italy. And no one else had indicated a similar desire. We were safe for now.

To my dismay, I found my fiancée's influence on me growing on that whole raging emotions issue. As I spent more time in her presence human feelings that I suspect had long ago been relegated to the back of my mind began to awaken, resulting in disturbing experiences that confused my predator instincts. I had been shocked to feel jealousy towards that simpering idiot Newton and the other young men who competed for her attention. At it emerged at moments that made no logical sense. Our second day back, when Jessica had pestered my dear little one in class for more details on her ordeal, Mike had turned and said, "Would you like to talk about one of the most awful nights of your life to a roomful of strangers? Never mind. You would. She wouldn't. Leave her be, Jess."

Having rigidly trained myself to blend in with humans for decades, when the desire to tear out his throat arose in me in class after reminding myself of his disgusting evaluation weeks ago of my fiancée's body in an ungentlemanly manner with atrocious vocabulary, I had felt baffled, even annoyed. Hadn't he learned when I broke his legs? Did I need to add his arms and spine to the collection? Wait, he hadn't thought any of those things. I wanted to kill him anyway for defending her. On principle. And that disturbed me.

She still barely spoke to anyone, and did not protest when I crawled into bed beside her every night. My Grandmaster quickly fell asleep. I had not needed my powers to assist her. Much to my dismay, she had nightmares, and slept poorly each night.

When I asked after she awoke from the most recent one, panting, "Bella, you seem to be having bad dreams again. Are they the same ones?"

She kept her back to me. From Grace's view her face seemed so sad, "Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm tired." Well, when she was ready to talk, I'd be here. I was not going to push her. She'd been through enough. I gingerly pulled her into my arms. With her head injury and all I tried to make sure I did not jostle her too much. Lying against her warm body made me feel almost human, and reminded me of the 17 year-old boy who had planned on marrying and having a family. For those few blessed hours, I could almost pretend I had that life as I stroked the hair that fell against her back. Her skull was too tender. This would have to do.

My conscience told me I was simply using my mortal fiancée to act out a fantasy because I was bitter about my immortal life. The fiend that I was knew it was the closest we would ever be able to get with my singer and that he'd take those scraps. I knew indubitably that the starched shirt version of me was apoplectic at my behavior. I could hear his voice pontificating at me for putting a virtuous young lady in a compromising position. I decided that for once I would seize a pleasure that was mine. It seemed gradually that the role of the lover however became reality. Starched Shirt Edward wanted her to stay mortal. He fought kicking, screaming, and clawing frantically the entire way whining about our dear little bottle cap's immortal soul.

And then there was all that awkwardness about that kissing business. I did not know how to tell her that I could no longer please her as I had in the past with a single kiss. And I most definitely knew it would be inappropriate to follow Sitting Bull's advice and use my hands to achieve similar results, engaged or not. I felt relieved that she did not try to initiate any kisses. I knew she had a constant head-ache as a result of her latest fall. I did not want to be a boor and push her when she was in pain.

Despite my pull toward her, beyond my physical beauty I could not understand why she seemed so devoted to a creature like me, despite that whole not speaking to me business. With her recent head injury, I knew we could expect all sorts of various behaviors from her and this was just her way of processing the trauma of the past week.

Even by human standards, our courtship had been fast, from what my research showed. I overheard her agreeing with Jessica's pestering questions that I was handsome. At first it made me feel smug. Then I wandered if that was all there was to it. And now that I'd lost that power that had pleased her so, I did not know how I could satisfy her as a man while keeping her human without that whole killing her problem. Now that we had kissed, well, a lot, she had natural – fine - unnatural expectations.

Beyond that I never had any understanding of why she cared for me other than simple physical attraction. She seemed in every way in that department like every other human affected by vampiric charms. Although I enjoyed being around her, I wondered how long it would last. Having observed humans for decades, I knew mortals and teenagers of this generation in particular, to be fickle creatures of caprice. Mary Sue newborn said so. As did her sisters and their hundreds of years of memories of courting humans. Even Irina and Kate had agreed with that sentiment.

Despite searching, my pet did not find traces of any other vampires in the area, aside from the ones guarding us. Nor did Paula. The Clearwaters were understandably aghast. It was a point in my favor that I had not turned her in their minds.

Although I was bad for my singer, I coveted her in my life. Worse, I realized she had developed an unhealthy dependence on me. In the aftermath of her injury when we were alone she mulishly insisted by what she did not say that she longed to join me in immortality, a thought that I found repugnant and failed to mask, a reaction that wounded her, although she held her tongue. I recoiled at how impetuously she made up her mind, eager to leave her parents and the Clearwaters. Upon reflection I could understand her desire to leave her good-for-nothing-but morbid amusement parents. Leaving the Clearwaters, forever, considering how much I longed to remember my human family seemed cold. She'd regret it, particularly when after being turned; Seth longed to tear out her throat and had to fight the instinct.

In light of this, her feelings toward me seemed immature, and I wondered how long she would care about me before she flitted on to another human boy, one who could kiss her with warm lips, one who could offer her children borne of her flesh, one who she did not have to fear would kill her with an embrace. In the back corner of my mind, I also wondered if perhaps her attraction to me lay in her desire for immortality as really that was the only thing that I could offer her that she seemed to desire aside from my body. She had been waiting all these years to play her role in helping the tribe, not me.

My dear little one clearly had no idea at her tender age of what she thought a vampire's existence was, and time would soon sort her confused thoughts, Starched Shirt Edward attempted to reassure me. I had decided as long as my poisonous nature did not spread to her life, I was content to remain crouched in the corner watching over her keeping other boys at bay, waiting until the day she grew tired of me. But in the days past her injury, I realized that my pernicious nature had spread. She who had been so selfless now stubbornly insisted she would leave everyone she knew and loved to be with me who she did not know and could not truly love. She didn't say it with words. She didn't have to. I was not a complete idiot. As our talk became more stilted, our embraces in the dark of our bed cautious, I predicted this becoming worse and worse. I would never change her, my family most definitely wanted to and she was intelligent enough to figure this out without them having to utter a syllable. I could tell she would never stop resenting me for that disparity. She recovered at an inhuman rate, I was alarmed to see, and wondered what else had changed in her nature.

In desperation, I decided a change of scenery might help. "How about a sojourn to see Douglas?" I stammered. She nodded, and I gathered up a coat for her. I tried to ignore her hesitancy when I lifted her into my arms. As my feet tore through the forest floor, I attempted to outrun the demons chasing us in our minds. I could hear them nipping at my heels howling for her blood, and it made me run all the faster.

We arrived at my favorite tree in record time. The Not Really From Vancouver Coven guards had been left in the dust but had called ahead to another set that had lurked in the area in case I went to my known to them already by means of demon witchcraft haunts. My fiancée saw flashes of fabric around us, and stiffened in my arms.

"Bella, what is it?" Her face had become almost serene which given the past few days most definitely captured my regard.

"We aren't alone," she smiled in a grimace that came just short of appearing sincere.

"True." At her expression, I quickly assured her, "Those are members of the coven that Liam used to work with – the ones who use the gyrfalcon as their symbol. They are here to ensure we stay safe."

"Oh." She did not complain as I flew up the tree to my branch. Douglas sat and squeaked a greeting. He looked from one of us to the other with a worried frown and leapt to a higher branch. Even he knew when to steer clear.

After ten minutes of silence, Jugurtha said, "She's not saying anything because she thinks she can be over heard."

"Well she can." I said, applauding her for her keen powers of mortal observation.

"Ask the guards to withdraw at vampire pitch to afford you privacy to talk." He did not have to add that even they knew I was in trouble, as the miserable bastards had been taking bets on which one of us would snap first. She was beating me currently in the odds stakes.

I hadn't bothered to learn their names although a quick mental scan could probably have cured that ill. By tripping to the loudest mental voice I said, "My fiancée and I require a bit of privacy to converse. Would you mind moving out of hearing range?"

He had a filthy mind and I growled at the thoughts that went through it. The boulder next to him evaporated into a cloud and he suddenly saw the virtue of cleaning up his thoughts, reminding himself, _"Damn he's a mind reader. I forgot. Sorry. Just don't paw her and break anything or it'll be your hide."_ He said that like he could actually enforce it. To save face, I nodded and he and his companions, ten men and ten women, withdrew. In the minds of the men, I was in the dog house. In the minds of the women, I was an imbecile. I agreed with both.

"I have asked them to withdraw to a point where they cannot hear but they can see us. What is on your mind?" I hated having to utter those syllables. Sometimes this whole talking business was like being on the rack. The only thing she had not used on me was a hot poker. Wait, that look she just gave me qualified.

"Edward, I know it . . . bothers you, but I have really thought this through." She quietly said as we sat in my tree on Mt. Meany, the first time she'd ever mentioned our silent battle. It gladdened me to see she had the discretion to wait until we were alone to have this discussion. And I almost wondered aloud at how Fate the cruel harpy had arranged for my family to be absent. She and they had yet to have a "let's discuss this whole blood sucker business" chat and I knew I operated on borrowed time. I did not have to tell my family members that I did not want her knowing about that singer business. She'd been scared enough lately. I could not have her frightened of me as well.

"I . . . care . . . too much for you to condemn you to this life. I am happy to stay by you as you are. You are the most important thing in my existence." And that was the absolute truth. I could never give up her scent and her taste and her touch. Turning her would rob me possibly of all of them. I couldn't risk that, selfish creature that I was. It frustrated me that she seemed to want more than I could give her. Wasn't I enough?

She took the peace offering of a package of almonds that I handed her. Douglas all but danced from paw to paw as she left them in a neat row. We sat in silence for an hour before I realized she was not going to say anything further on the subject. Douglas ignored the row of nuts preferring to study us, instead. Perhaps she had agreed with me finally and it had taken her a few days to appreciate my perspective? She reached out and held my hand, giving it a squeeze. That had to be a good sign.

I wanted to sit by her side for an eternity, but the sun set and it began to grow cold. She did not say a word on the way back to the house. Young to Me Old Power had sent dinner as well. Pizza. Marvelous. I sat by her side dutifully munching the cardboard, pretending not to be revolted. She must have known of all the human food on the planet, I loathed it the most. Scratch that. If she did, she would have sent it every night. My dear little one read a book on Roman history and I pretended to do schoolwork, watching her all the while.

That night Jugurtha said, "Try snuggling with her. She likes that." Indeed. She did.

* * *

**Characterization Note:**

**Bella is fundamentally non-confrontational. Take a look at how she has responded to discovering her parents lied to her for years about her disability. She has not discussed it with either of them - particularly her mother who she has simply avoided. You learn how to fight at home. Bella didn't see a lot of fighting growing up - just sneaky underhanded moves her mother would make. So she's not going to get in Edward's face. And for his part, Edward has made a bit of progress in that a) he knows she's upset with him, and b) he actually has a clue why. From Bella's perspective, she's absolutely floored - because she heard every word of what Edward said when they were debating over whether or not to turn her. And she is wondering why she's good enough for him to propose marriage to, but not to turn into a vampire. And notice they have never before discussed her human/vampire status until now. For her to actually talk to him about it, raising the subject of their conflict, was huge for her. **

* * *

**For more on the physics of medieval archery:**

**http://www (dot) stortford-archers (dot) org (dot) uk/medieval (dot) htm**

**Alaska has some awesome National Parks.  
**

**http://www (dot) nps (dot) gov/kova/index (dot) htm**

**For more on the subject of intersexed individuals:**

**http:// www (dot) isna (dot) org/faq/what_is_intersex**

**Snarky Summary: **

**So 'oops' was the understatement of the year as Edward kind of sort of had a little performance issue while fighting. His inability to stay, erect on the ground, I mean, um, powerful meant his dear little one was harmed, not that he admitted responsibility for it as he was sailing on the river of Denial. Young to Me Old Power shows up party pooper that she is and drives everyone away with her pointed observations. Carlisle proves he can name drop with the best of them, and when that fails, knock a few heads off. Eve exited the story leaving a distinct impression on Edward. Jasper has his hands full with his ex, I mean current wife. The other one, too. The Cullens had to chase the bad guys up to Alaska to save a village, leaving Edward behind with Bella and a Fake Canadian army guarding them. Bella and Edward's relationship became awkward due to that whole watching her die twice and refusing to change her issue. Bella gives Edward the silent treatment, which is fine by him because he has no idea how to tell her he can no longer give her orgasms with a single kiss. They talk. Sort of. And snuggle, too.**

**Stay tuned for the next episode of As the Human Turns.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Douglas would like a review in appreciation of his performance. Unlike that Edward guy, he does not have issues with his nuts.**


	46. HOD pt 35 Fine I Love Bella Swan Happy?

**http://static (dot) panoramio (dot) com/photos/original/2063865 (dot) jpg**

**The link above is moonlight off of Jefferson Cove, WA.**

**

* * *

  
**

*****I do want to warn you that this chapter contains mature themes, and is dark, even by my standards. It is not for the faint-hearted. And folks, I am seriously not kidding on that warning. This chapter made my beta cry, and she's a tough cookie. So I didn't have her read the second draft. Any errors in it are my fault. Take heart, the chapter ends on an up note. Edward finally gets a clue. *** **

**Thanks to vjgm for being my supervisory validating beta.**

**And Alicedances for being my junior validating beta.**

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing for me. Sorry about that crying business.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. But the characters of Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, The Other Immortals, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, and FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Thanks to everyone for sticking with me and reading. And shout outs to my muses:**

**Sexysadie13, merrisol, superstarrh, lovebooks, blue2185, Lady Dragona, Cindy Windy, Cullen Concession, Cullen Historian, Cullen Pearl, June, smiles, Fleuritup, Sheeijan, Miss Poison, Venus308, Killeen, Rogue, elphabacy35, twifam1, MsLessa, dellatwi, fanficreader83, Robs_Muse, sariedee, JajiTaXx, notmyself, kaydence, mav, chloe9, TraceyJ, Disney Vampire, redsoxlove, oncebitten, tazz, tears, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, electrovanilla, katrela, viridis73, KayRad816, termiteSH, PJ Austin, ldybnny, LJSummers, TwilightMomofTwo, jmolly, Zen Nashton, Mutt N. Feathers, Solenoidbelle, twibrarian88, Forest Sentry Koneji, PurpleMad Dragon, prettyflour, loveliveX2, antipyro, codelina, cavriola, luv4edwardcullen, Mizra, fitten, mamato, Amortentia_4u, and Superhuman moron.**

**

* * *

  
**

**The songs for this chapter are as follows:**

**Wander this World by Jonny Lang: http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=jtb6ey5no2U**

**Storm by Lifehouse (which has a really cool slide show with it): http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=QU6AhH2a1cU**

**Fear by Sarah McLachlan: http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=l_vVmeUf6QU&feature=related**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness - Part Thirty-Five - Fine. I Really, Truly, Sincerely, From the Bottom of My Ossified Heart, Love Bella Swan. Happy? **

The tipping point came the next day. To cheer her and Leah, who had been released from the hospital, we held an informal celebration at the Clearwater's. Sam knew better than to show his face, although he'd sent flowers. Leah had excellent aim, tossing the bright blossoms one-by-one into the trash from twenty feet away.

To my astonishment, Young to Me Old Power appeared at the door bearing gifts for all three. I wanted to tell the Clearwaters to check her to see if she had soldiers hidden inside that wooden heart, but somehow I did not think they would understand me in my Homeric paranoia. Sue had no idea who she was, but recognized a vampire when she saw one.

"It's fine." I said to Mrs. Clearwater.

"I'm Sue Clearwater," she took the gifts that Young To Me Old Power held stiffly in her arms, "Welcome to our home, and thank you for coming."

When she remained silent standing still, I hissed at vampire pitch, "Normal human manners require you offer her a name and compliment the domicile, even if it is beneath your highborn standards."

Her mouth twitched at superhuman speed, and she said in a deceptively soft voice, "My name is Arria. Your home is lovely."

The Oscan accent made it a bit of a challenge to understand her English. And I didn't buy for a moment her guileless demeanor. She was a chip off the ancient decrepit old Gorgon off the block of her mother. Demon Spawn. I couldn't imagine any man having sexual relations with that harpy, so she must have been created out of some dark demonic magic. Either that, or like the female praying mantis, the Violet Gorgon bit off the man's head after she finished with him.

And then she entered, carrying of the illusion of hesitation effortlessly. I knew a scam when I saw it. She didn't have a hesitant atom in her form.

"How do you know my children?" I noticed Sue did not separate my fiancée from that group. In her thoughts, Sue Clearwater was all kinds of curious as to why a vampire showed up at her house bearing gifts. And my, this one was awfully tall.

"I have watched them grow their entire lives. Liam and I were colleagues." She offered a glimmer of an expression one could label as 'warm.' Mind you, only a vampire or wolf could catch it.

I cleared my throat and said at vampire pitch, "Pretending to be delighted for mortal eyes to be conversing with them is another curious custom." Her smile became fractionally wider. Definitely a chip off the iceberg, that one.

"Are you a biologist?" Sue asked.

"No." Arria simply said nothing. To the aristocratic vampire sensibility, Sue's behavior was deemed impertinent. Using the shaman link, I asked Paula to rescue Mrs. Clearwater from social disgrace by immortal standards.

And quick as can be, Paula Black entered the room and said as if she'd been friends with Arria her entire life, "Arria, so good to see you, thanks for accepting my invitation. Let's go catch up, shall we?" She placed an arm companionably around Arria's waist and walked towards the back of the house.

She led the bemused leader of the We Don't Really Live in Vancouver Coven, to the living room, where Leah stood, tired of laying and sitting, and stared enviously at those who could eat cake. Leah's diet came through a straw these days. My fiancée stood protectively near her holding her hand, offering it a strong squeeze. Leah knew a vampire when she saw one and wondered what the . . . ahem, blazes, Arria was doing at her house. _"I wish I'd never laid eyes on any of those blood suckers."_ Leah thought bitterly. _"I'd still have my baby. I have to talk to Swan tonight and convince her to dump her boyfriend. I can't have her dating one of them. It's not safe."_ I could tell Leah was going to be a problem. I would have to work on that later. I whispered to Jugurtha to pencil her into our list of things that needed to be done in the life of our fiancée.

Seth towered over them both, wondering a kinder version of what everyone else was thinking concerning Arria's uninvited gate-crashing of the party. He thought to me, "Edward, what's going on?"

Using their fragile link Paula said, _"Seth, it's ok. Edward, act like she's an old friend of mine. She was close to Liam. O'Shea."_ I nodded at Seth in agreement and his shoulders relaxed.

Charlie had come bearing daisies at Paula's suggestion, and to my utter horror, brought an unacceptable gift with him.

"Bells, I thought you might like this. I know you've wanted one since you were small. I even checked your allergies." He had this pathetic expression on his mug.

My fiancée crouched down to the leashed beast at his feet, all 17 pounds of him. "Thanks, Dad."

Charlie had not been kidding when he had decided to get his baby girl a dog, spiked leather collar and all.

"It's a Tibetan Mastiff," he said.

"Jeez, Uncle Charlie, those things get to be huge!" Seth was bowled over at the animal hating Charlie's gesture. As Seth went through what he knew of the breed in his mind, it took years of acting for me to remain calm. How would she walk a beast that would grow to be over 100 pounds? He could sit on her and squash her like a grape. Charlie couldn't care for his own daughter much less a dog. Seth had heard Charlie say enough growing up that the only animals he'd ever allow through his front door had to have been shot first. Why pick _now_ of all times to be out of character?

The puppy walked up to me, showed absolutely no fear of my nature, lifted his leg, and urinated on my pant leg and shoe. Well, he made a decent mongrel attempt to do so. I moved out of the way at just under vampire speed when Charlie was beaming at his daughter. Fortunately. Only Charlie Swan would pick out a dog too stupid to have a sense of self-preservation around a predator. I growled at a frequency the dog and the wolves in the room could hear. He ignored me as if I bored him, offering me his back and a dismissive twitch of his curly tail.

My fiancée grabbed a bottle of club soda and a handful of napkins and stammered a mortified, "Aunt Sue, I'm so sorry. I'll clean it up and take him out."

Sue joked, "Welcome to being a dog owner, Bella. How about you take him out in the back yard and I'll clean this up? It's no bother."

"But-"

Sue cut her off with a wave, "Sweetheart, I really would rather he be outside so he can't baptize the carpet again."

The mongrel ended that debate after giving me a dog smile over his shoulder. He prepared to squat and make a malodorous fecal offering to the Clearwaters' beige shag carpet.

With that, my fiancée scooped up the dog and scurried with him outside, leash dragging behind them. I grabbed it; for fear that she would trip and break her neck. Arria laughed at the sight of me trailing behind my woman like a servant. She thought I acted like a lapdog guessing from her visage. Blowing up the furniture in the Clearwater house would have been rude, so I settled with rattling the windows instead to indicate my displeasure. It only made Arria more amused, I'm sorry to say. She and Genevieve must have been friends in real life.

Leah and Seth followed, wanting to see the dog. What in the name of Pete was so exciting about watching an animal defecate? Humans had such peculiar interests. I thought mine was going to burst into applause as her going to be a drooling beast in one year dog finished desecrating the lawn. Then he had to go and scratch in the grass and rub his scent all over the place just in case we happened not to notice his repulsive pile. I moved down-wind. That smelled worse that the mace she had used the other night. How such a large amount of waste came from such a small being I would never know. Emmett was the one who had attended veterinarian school. I made a mental note to ask him later.

Jugurtha said, "It's an exceptional breed and will keep her safe from humans. As you know they were used in war ages ago to frighten the enemy quite effectively." Perhaps I could train him to eat Mike Newton. Charlie, too.

As she placed him on the ground, the little tripping over his own pudgy paws monster rushed about too excited to be out of doors. He caught a scent one second, and darted in its direction and then catching another, stinky-do lunged away. He moved too fast and with such force I feared she could hurt her arm or worse, have it pulled out of its socket. She was fragile. Even the normally useless gyrfalcons agreed with me, glaring at the beast askance.

Leah grunted something at my fiancée that sounded like a question. With her jaw wired shut, talking proved a challenge. And it was a small thankful twist of fate that she could not understand sign language, nor with her sprained fingers could she write. Considering how angry her thoughts were, it was, perhaps a mixed blessing she could not verbalize at present. I would love to see how she was going to convince my fiancée to dump me due to that whole can't communicate issue. And I didn't mind breaking all of her fingers in an accident if necessary. I made a note to Jugurtha to disable the keyboard on her laptop the next opportunity I had.

In response to Leah's gestures and noises, my dear little one said, "I don't know. Genghis Khan used them in battle. I think I'll call him Genghis."

Genghis seemed oblivious to his new name wanting to trample through Sue's vegetable garden instead, taking time to urinate with care on her tomato bushes. I noticed we were going to have to have him neutered, then reminded myself of the statistic that four out of five dogs that were hit by cars and killed were unneutered Romeos wandering in search of a mate. So I decided to say nothing about that snipping business. It didn't matter since I was bigger in every way that mattered, as I saw her snuggling with the stinky monster. He had the temerity to place his tongue, drool, and scent all over her face. I was definitely not kissing her tonight. Unfortunately. Unless I convinced her to take a shower. Alone. Alas.

Charlie was indoors fetching a beer when it happened. I saw her opening the gift I had bought her of a volume of Will and Ariel Durant's work when she jerked, having cut her finger. We'd been around copious amounts of her blood already and I was the only one at the most risk, so I backed away carefully, as she clutched a napkin to it looking in embarrassment and apologizing. The fragrance wafted over me, and I pretended not to be affected. Her necklace flashed. That's when I felt a push mentally as I saw Fergus's and Young to Me Old Power's eyes turn pitch black as they lunged at Seth and Leah and my fiancée who all stood together in a shining trio.

I bellowed at vampire pitch, as this time I moved blindingly fast, sweeping the girls into my arms, out of the way, chanting to myself that I could not drink from her in front of company. It would be rude. Mother said so. Seth exploded into his wolf form and growled, squashing the lawn furniture in the process. I ignored the dog as he could fend for himself. The puppy dog. Unfortunately, no one wanted to bite him. Once they were out of the path of Fergus and Arria, I dropped Leah and my peach like lava on the lawn and stepped away placing myself in front of them, but halting my breathing and attempting to master my control. I wanted to turn around and chomp her right now. A lot.

Jugurtha shouted, "Put up your rings around the house. You're being manipulated." Grace hissed in agreement. Squeezing my eyes shut, I managed to construct a barrier and instantly, the hunger abated.

Paula threw up a second shield around the house, and the two immortals fell to the ground as if stunned. Seth had smacked both of them aside, and it had to be a testament to how out of control they had been and how quickly they'd regained it as neither of the two vampires had fought back as they struggled to fight off the blood lust. I sent Charlie to sleep with a wave of a hand as he fell like a plank to the sofa, spilling beer all over it in the process. Unfortunately, he did not break his neck.

My pet wasn't answering me for some odd reason. My fiancée clutched her dog and sister with that calm look I loathed. Leah shook with anger, and Seth worried about both.

Young to Me Old Power shook off the blood lust and her eyes quickly turned from pitch back to green as she snarled in Oscan and bolted into the dark of the night right through both my and Paula's shields as if they had never existed. She never even glanced back at her almost victims. Fergus followed, a mortified apology sounding from his lips. We lowered the shields for him and put them right back up when we felt another attack.

"I have no earthly idea what just occurred, but that was not normal and nothing like it has ever happened before." I offered my sincere apologies to Chief Clearwater.

Considering the treaty had just been violated, he seemed awfully calm. Harry's troubled face said, "Didn't you feed?"

"Yes, that's why this doesn't make sense. We always feed before going around large gatherings of humans, and I watched them drink myself. The algae that Arria uses absolutely quashes the desire for human blood. I know they were fine. I read their minds."

Paula said, "He's telling the truth, Harry. Something odd just happened."

Then I recalled Victoria's talent. She could control blood lust. And at the moment, I had a rather strong desire to introduce her to lust of another kind. The 'I want to carve you into pieces and set you alight and dance around your quivering corpse' kind of lust that I had known all too well all those years ago. My fiancée stared at my face with a fearful expression which she quickly masked.

I called Grace again and this time she answered. She showed me a group fleeing into the night, one I had not detected with my abilities, I thought, aghast. I told Paula. "I have to leave you here to guard them. There's a group of immortals in the area. We will go search this group out." Young to Me Old Power was incandescent in her ire, ten miles ahead of me, and most eager to make their acquaintance as she followed their trail. I bolted from the house. I heard Arria ordering more troops after the group. They appeared in the forest like mirages and started chasing their prey.

Paula, angry and upset at nearly watching her son die before her eyes, simply shook her head at me.

_"Keep the pack on the land guarding its borders," _I said through our shaman link as I fled into the night.

We chased the scent all the way to point where the vampires split into groups and simply disappeared off the face of the earth having jumped into the ocean. Arria's troops could find no sign of them after lots of swimming. Much to my distaste, I could not detect them either, which disturbed me to no end. I was going to have to handle this once and for all because I had failed to protect her and my family as was my job. And I was going to have to do it alone. Hezekiah would help me. I was going to protect my family, the people in the area, and also my fiancée.

Given this was the second time in days she'd nearly lost her life; I could see no future for us while Victoria and Phoenix walked the earth. And if my human Mother had been right, I had not acted like I would have behaved had I stood near the one I was meant to love. Her needs most definitely hadn't been in the forefront of my mind when I'd lunged at her the day she'd been mortally wounded. Having seen what happened with Eve and Annie, I realized I had been kidding myself that she could be a part of my life that she could ever truly love one such as me.

In that moment, I chose the safety of all rather than my selfish pleasure at her scent. Doing the right thing for once felt good. Besides, I had feigned the feelings of being in love and had realized I could never share with a human a connection like that my siblings had with their vampire mates. She could never really love the Real Me, mentally or physiologically. When I returned to the house, with a heavy heart, I wished my family had been here for me to talk about my intention.

Those odd human symptoms returned again, and this time the chest pain brought me to my knees on the staircase. Shaking off the discomfort, I needed Mary Alice, and wandered forlornly into her room. My singer was spending the night at the Clearwaters guarded by the wolves. Fergus was out hunting for the vampire that had tried to trick him into violating his diet. Mentally, I made a note not to tangle with him. He was downright mean when riled. I found a letter addressed to me on Mary Alice's bed.

She must have known of my problem having seen it. This was the correct thing to do, I reasoned. It was not like I could feel true love for her like our kind did because she was human. Stringing her along with a paler imitation would ultimately prove to be unfair. I opened the thick envelope waiting for the words of comfort to flow over me like they always did when I talked with my sister.

_Edward,_

_I know what you are thinking. This time, at least I had an accurate vision. You can't do this Edward. I've seen visions for months of Bella becoming part of our family. I have kept them from you because I did not want to upset you as you have been dealing with so much pressure. I have been so proud of you in all that you have done to protect her. You have grown so much since she has entered our lives. And I see her being close friends with Rosalie and me - best friends, and sisters, too. _

I dropped the letter in disgust. This was most definitely a sign from above. I knew for sure that I had to leave because hell would freeze over before I condemned that sweet woman to a single second of an existence like mine. In that moment, a wound that had festered for 75 years ruptured. Raging through the city streets, Vampire Singer cackled in glee as she snatched young children and drank from them, their nannies, too. Then she ran and attacked a tour group in front of a famous church, with wild blood red eyes as the humans fell screaming for aid that never arrived. My nightmarish vision changed to her crying on the ground with piles of their bodies strewn about her stacked like cordwood against the church wall, asking me why I had made her kill all these people, spewing up their blood in remorse. But I felt in that moment that the image had been called up to send me a message.

A little voice in my head kept niggling at me to finish reading what Mary Alice had written. I could not be rude to her. She had taken the time to offer me her counsel.

_Edward, I know you will have a hard time believing this, but you can not leave Bella. She is going to be your mate, Edward, the one you have been waiting for all these years. I have seen it. And the two of you will be so happy. Please, please listen to me. I am begging you._

Mentally, I snorted at the ideas Mary Alice presented. Vampires mated with other_ vampires_ and since I would never change her, that could never happen. There had never been a human-vampire couple mated pair in all my readings. And being single and solitary by nature, I had spent considerably more time reading in my 100 odd years than they had. All of my research said that vampires instantaneously recognized a mate and bonded quickly, and that both of them recognized it as such.

And I had not had such knowledge when my eyes had first fallen upon my singer. I'd wanted to drink her dry in a definitely non-vampire mate ritual sense. I could not dwell on what I myself could never possess. And thinking of the hope that such a future lay for me seemed too much to bear.

The mere fact that I _could_ leave and _wanted _to leave proved them all wrong. I knew from watching my family that mated pairs could not bear to be apart, and I felt at peace with my decision. I would have to leave her before whatever it was that I _did_ feel for her destroyed her kind nature. Her uncle killed himself when Eve's mate had appeared in their lives. I could not take a chance of something like that happening to her. And thinking of Jasper's deranged wife sealed the matter in my mind.

Victoria's trail had headed east from what Grace could tell. I couldn't ask Jasper to leave his mate and hunt his demented wife to her death. He had suffered enough. And he was busy killing that drooling troll Phoenix. I had to handle this for him. For my family. For us all. The chances were quite high that I might not survive.

Briefly, I had considered having her catch me being unfaithful with another girl but knew even my impressive acting skills could not carry off the illusion that I desired someone like Jessica Stanley or the recently disinterred Lauren Mallory. I could see it becoming awkward to try to kiss one of them without having them launch themselves onto my venom coated teeth. And had _that_ happened, given the choice between turning them and killing them, I would have let them die without a qualm.

But the thought of those two did inspire me in another way. I wanted to make sure my soon to be ex-fiancée understood we were done, and I knew how best to do it: an audience. She hated being the center of attention, as did I. But this had to be done. For us. For our future.

I chose to have the conversation in public view but outside of hearing range. After all, I was not completely heartless. And I did not have the heart to recall from Alaska one of the newborns, who I knew would have been happy to comply to create some kind of public scandal. To allow her to save face, I planned it so I looked like the evil one and she the fair maiden so her classmates would feel sympathetic. But also, they would all understand and could reinforce that message with my stubborn singer. The chances of my death were high. But I was determined to take out as many as I could when offering up my useless existence. I could not be worrying about her, too. She would be fine with the Vancouver Coven. They already guarded her having over 100 soldiers lurking on tribal land. Paula would help, too.

Having the speech outdoors also gave me the advantage of a quick escape. The next day I sent many brooding looks at my classmates all morning so they all would be aware that a problem existed. I had acted remote when I had joined her in line at the cafeteria, greeting her politely while keeping her physically at arm's length as was proper, and pretended not to see her outstretched hand. Her forest green shirt was becoming, and her hair had been swept up into an elaborate coiffure Rosalie had taught her. It must have taken quite some time to do, I thought sadly. Angela's mind told me that Sue had helped my little one with it, and truth be told, she had never looked lovelier. I gulped with pride when I saw the chain of my Mother's locket.

Having noticed my distant behavior she appeared nervous, hands shaking at times, and stared down at the table often in silence. I felt frustrated because I wanted her to enjoy at least the first part of lunch so she'd have at least a few fond memories and felt it was not going well. I did my best to make conversation, "How has your day been?"

She began to converse more readily, "I applied for a job at Newton's Outfitters. And I have an interview at the bank tomorrow."

"Why?"

"They'll be jobs that I'll do after school and on the weekends, and with both I can work full-time in the summer."

"That would be a lot of time."

"Well, yes, but I can use the money toward my college fund."

I did not tell her that she already had one. And why she felt she needed to work when she had millions in off shore bank accounts was beyond me. I figured she had decided that was Liam's money and that she could not use it for her own personal use. My human needed to have a degree, and leave this backwater town. I owed her at least that. And my college fund was larger than that created by her Father. So there. Eight million should cover it. Right? I made a note to Jugurtha to triple the amount. I had to leave her more money than Liam had. Compared to my income she was all but destitute.

Starched Shirt Edward was furious with me and said, "Once we leave there will be no one to make sure our human was cared for, seeing as she was quiet and shy and her Father an idiot."

"The tribe will watch over her, and the family will be back in 24 hours. Stop over-reacting. The Fake Canadians are here as well, spitting at our heels. Besides, you wanted us to save our family. This is the only way we can do it. Do you want to see what happens to her if we meet our vampire mate? Her Uncle killed himself within a few weeks."

Starched Shirt Edward shuddered as I replayed the image of Liam and Eve, and of Eve's desperate attempts to transform Liam's corpse before being pulled away by her mate. "And look at Jasper's poor first wife," I pressed my case. Then I showed him Annie/Victoria's face as she saw the man she adored and was eternally wed in the eyes of God with another woman. "Do you want us to fall into unintended bigamy? Think of her immortal soul."

And now that my powers had been reduced, I had avoided kissing her because how does one explain tactfully that they no longer can give one's fiancée such pleasure from a mere buss of the lips. Now they had to use their hands? Except that would most certainly be improper. Not that the lip contact had been proper in the first place. But still. That was all kinds of awkward. How could I keep her happy and satisfied if a warm mortal boy could do so better in my place? Well, not better.....but he wouldn't have to worry about killing her. Although, he too, would have to rely on his hands. It made me positively grouchy thinking about some mortal boy with a pulse pawing her.

I made sure she took her painkiller before I asked her to join me for a walk towards her garden. Taking her by her good arm, I carefully led her to a location outside the cafeteria that was far away from others so there was no danger of anyone bumping into her but we could still be seen. She had been surprisingly quiet lately even by her standards, and acted relieved to be escaping from inane chatter and cautious stares of the students, who like wild animals, scented blood on the ground.

We rambled in silence to the edge of the campus. I leaned against an ancient Douglas fir tree. We were in sight of the large windows of the cafeteria, and the whole room could see us as we talked like a television drama without sound. Her eyes troubled, she asked me, "What is it?"

"I have to leave."

"To go after those people?"

"Yes."

"Ok. That makes sense." This wasn't going how I planned. She did not appear distressed.

"I'm tired of this game I've been playing." I said in a cross tone using exaggerated gestures so the viewers in the cafeteria would see this would not be a happy conversation.

I could hear from their thoughts that I had captured their undivided attention. Most felt sorry for my soon to be ex-fiancée, which was exactly what I had hoped to foster with our show.

"Edward, what are you talking about?" She gave me a cautious look. I could tell by her posture she realized trouble was on its way. And then I opened my mouth to eagerly shatter her heart by blurting out the truth. Which was not what I had planned at all.

"Bella from the first moment I met you, I've lied." Anger at my stupidity coursed through me, and it almost seemed like another being took control of my tongue. My planned and rehearsed script disappeared before my mind in a red haze of rage. Life was so unfair. She could never really love me and I knew it. I had to make her see it. The adoration in her eyes only made my temper soar higher.

"I know that. But you had good reason."

"Not about my identity. Well, not only that."

"There's more?" Was there ever, little girl. I had to confess. Fury said so.

I couldn't seem to stop speaking. I have no idea what came over me, as I used a cloying voice, "When I told you that I took one look at you and wanted to make you mine, that was only part of the truth." I paused for effect and proper timing, "Your blood, and your blood alone," I curled my lip on that last word, "lured me and kept me at your side and motivated me to protect you."

"What?" She looked like she was going to faint for a moment. I couldn't have that. So I shook her gently by the shoulders.

I answered her as if she was a simpleton, "The fragrance you possess is unique and calls to me like a siren. Usually, the vampire kills anyone with blood that smells that delicious the first moment they meet. Emmett killed both of his. Jasper's only lasted six seconds when he encountered her." She gaped.

I continued regardless of her reaction, "Being around you almost felt like stepping into the warm sunshine after a cold winter's day. But I made a mistake in proposing to you." She stiffened with every word that dripped like poison from my mouth.

"I don't understand..." she glanced up at me with a stunned look.

Adopting an overly patient demeanor, I sighed. The expression on her eyes disturbed me, so I stared over her head as I retorted in an icy tone. "Your effect on me has become inconvenient in my life and that of my family. It is difficult keeping you alive around my family when you constantly trip and bleed. I'll miss your lovely aroma." I smiled gently at her, caressing her face with my hand and taking a deep breath. She shrank from my touch and backed up a step with a jerk. I ignored the pain that lanced through my mind at the sight of her behaving so.

I could barely hear her whispered, "You love me. You said I was the most important thing in your life."

I closed the space between us. "Of course I did. I am still a man. I said what you wanted to hear. Part of what I told you was true, actually. But I never did tell you I was in love with you." I chucked.

"Yes, you did." She said stubbornly.

I offered her a pitying expression, "Your _scent_," I stressed that word gently, "for the past few months made you the center of my universe. At one time I would have killed to continue being around it. So I did love _part_ of you, the element of you that calls to my nature. For these past weeks I have structured my entire day and night around that singular part of you. Why do you think I stayed in bed with you but did nothing improper? It was always about your scent," I leaned forward and inhaled loudly and sighed.

"That can't be true. I know you feel something for me."

"According to our laws, when you first discovered our secret I was honor bound to take your life or transform you. The day in the cave, I planned on killing you. That is why I left your shoes by the lake. I was going to convince the world you had drowned. Does that give you an idea of how I view you? It was the combination of your scent and your touch and your amazing taste that swayed me from that course. I suppose you could say I felt sentimental - I did gift you with your life."

She did not back away in horror like I expected her to.

"Why didn't you transform me?" she asked in a too calm voice.

And it enraged me that she did not run screaming from the beast that I had revealed myself to be. I canted my head and stared at her like she was a specimen: the spawn of the eternally stupid Charles Swan, "You really would be of no use to me then, because changing you would make your scent vanish. That is, after all, your main appeal, aside from an amusing game of chess now and then and sparkling conversation." She gasped and clutched her chest and I continued to pretend to ignore her reaction, since her vital signs were stable.

And then I really lost my temper, "I would never transform anyone for any reason to live this existence. You are ten times a fool to crave it. I would give _anything_ to trade your place and be an ordinary dull human. I was willing to let you die rather than transform you when you were attacked. Carlisle wanted to transform you and I refused. We had to shock your heart back twice. So I suppose you could say I watched you die twice, and both times refused to change you. I've already made up my mind, and I was content the last two times to watch you flat line and not bite you. I know I will not change my mind. It's against my nature. I'm not fickle like you humans, you see."

"Yes, actually, you are. You propose to me one day, and do this the next?"

"I never changed my _mind _about how I felt about you. I only decided to end this charade and tell you the truth. That doesn't make me fickle. It merely makes me honest."

Her eyes began to adopt a remote expression. I could see the blood drain from her face and she clenched her hands into shaking fists. "So you're telling me that this was all some kind of elaborate act to fool the stupid human?" she pleaded with her eyes for me to stop. "So what, I've been like a human potpourri for your entire family? Is that what you're saying?"

"Oh, my gracious, no, you are just human potpourri for _me_. Not them. With my family, they came around you because you had a gift, one that you no longer appear to possess. You radiated visions to us from our human lives. That's why we kept you around - that and your scent, of course."

Since the Red-eyed people were dead or soon would be what she did not know would not hurt her. And that was kind of sort of the truth. Everyone had admired the effect of her visions. Everyone save Jasper.

"The family initially started paying attention to you because they were afraid I would lose control during school hours and drain you dry in front of a horrified classroom. And Jasper and Rosalie both plotted to have you killed to keep me from doing just that."

"Rosalie is my friend. That can't be true."

"Rosalie hated you at first sight and most definitely planned on killing you until I told her not to. And all of a sudden, right after she had a vision from you where she remembered her human best friend Vera and how you were like twins separated at birth with Vera - then she was nice to you. Surely you did not think she did it because she actually really liked you?"

"But Alice,"

I waved an arm and interrupted her, "Alice woke up from her transition without a single human memory and from touching you started having visions of her human family. Surely you did not think she stayed with you for the chess? She can read the future, after all."

"Oh."

I continued as if she had not spoken, "But Emmett - you gave him, head damaged Emmett, a memory of his human family that he cherishes to this day. And Jasper - you gave him a vision that allowed him to recover lost memories. Vampires do not get amnesia after being turned - but somehow he had lost his memory of his turning and the year afterward. Now he remembers it, and I daresay shall never be the same, thanks to you. He and Rosalie both had plans to take your life before I convinced them to let you live. You giving them the visions sealed the deal, so to speak."

"And your Mother and Father?" She whispered.

"You gave each of them a memory of their human life as well. And Mother is so affectionate anyway. But really Bella, we never in all our time associated with humans for very long which made you novel. What did you think would happen? Did you think you and Mary Alice were going to play chess for eternity?"

"So she knew you were going to do this?"

I cut her off with a commanding gesture. I wouldn't lie about Mary Alice to her. I had to stick to the truth. "She is able to see visions of people who are close to her emotionally. We always act in the family as if she knows anything and she keeps her mouth shut, so it is safe to assume she saw this coming." She had, after all, written me that letter. And apparently she had not left one for my singer.

I tsked at her, chucking her under the chin. "Bella, you aren't old enough to even understand love. You merely think I'm attractive because of my scent, which is used by my kind to stun prey. What you have felt was purely chemical and a product of your raging hormones at your age. How else do you think you had such a strong reaction to my kiss the other day in the cave? I have never heard you say anything that indicates you feel anything beyond simple physical attraction. And when I am gone, you will find another boy to follow you around like every other human teenage girl. A pretty girl like you will have a line forming starting the minute I leave."

Twin tears started running down her face. She wiped at them furiously with the heel of her palm, sniffing. I tried not to pay attention to the voice of Starched Shirt Edward that said she looked pathetic and that I was a beast mentioning the cave and my attempt at seducing her of her virtue with my powers. I huffed in impatience giving her time to calm herself ostensibly. She bit her lip to marshal her control. I could tell she was starting to believe me. But she still needed that extra push. After all she had stopped crying after a measly two tears. She should be weeping if I was doing this right, I thought. That is what all the other human females did when I observed them taking leave of their former flames at school.

"I was ready to give up everything for you and you do this? Now?" She glared at me furious. "And when-"

I did not want to hear this, so I interrupted her, again. The expression on her face was making it difficult for me to concentrate.

"The very idea of you as a vampire is repulsive," I snarled. Channeling my best Tanya and Laurent impersonations I looked her up and down with an amused glance, dismissing her with my eyes, clicking my tongue. "You would make a miserable specimen of the breed. The transformation takes your most outstanding quality and magnifies it. So although you would be lovely, you would be the clumsiest vampire in existence, even more ungainly than you are now. I can not even imagine you having the coordination to hunt. Unless you tripped over deer you would never be able to kill them. That would mean we would have to hunt for you to keep you alive. We would be the laughing stock of the immortal world. And your aversion to blood would mean you would go insane within months. I simply do not know what we would do saddled with the world's most clumsy anorexic vampire. I have tried to break this to you gently and you simply refuse to listen, you foolish little girl." I stretched out those last four words, "And I honestly wondered if it was me you wanted or eternal life," I spat the last lines infused with malice.

She acted as if each word was a lash that hit her body, and flinched before straightening her shoulders. This did not seem to be working according to plan. I would have expected her to be hysterical right now, begging me to stay.

She stared at the ground and in a whisper said, "That's not true, Edward. And it's not fair. I can see you've already decided this without me, so let's end this now."

My singer turned away from me to stare at the bark of a tree. I needed to see her eyes to make sure she understood. I did not like not being able to gaze into them. They were, after all, the only way I could try to read her mind. With entirely too steady hands, she reached around her neck and removed my Mother's locket with the engagement ring. "Here, I won't need this anymore. If this is how you treat people you profess to love it really is a good thing your Mother is dead and can not see you now. I'm embarrassed for you. Give it to the next human you deceive." She held it out by the chain as if its very touch offended her. I noticed she exercised caution to ensure our skin did not connect as my hand impatiently reached out, palm facing up to accept it. And she still would not look at me. I ignored the way the diamond glittered in the weak light.

I behaved as if she had not spoken and pocketed the jewelry, with an impolite huff. The wrenching sensation in my gut bothered me. Returning gifts was rude. That was my Mother's locket. And her ring. I had given both in good faith, despite that whole wanting to kill her earlier deal. And I had never imagined she would refuse to keep them. Perhaps this was working, after all.

"I plan on taking some time to see the world while I hunt the immortals that are after my sister, thanks to you and your grandmother. Promise me that you will not be an annoyance by trying to follow me or them? I am not going to be here to catch you the next time you stumble, which should be in about ten minutes by my count." She stared past my shoulder, so I took her by the chin to make sure she understood and said in the cruelest tone I could think of, "And you must promise your continued silence. Or others will come worse than James and his pack. And they will show no mercy to you and yours."

Swaying against a tree as the memory of the attack hit her, she swallowed suddenly and pulled her face from my hand. I watched her without touching, knowing that had been a low blow. By her scent and expression, I could see my words were finally starting to register.

I was tempted to help her back to the school but decided against it. She was starting to wheeze with asthma in her agitated state. But she had her inhaler in her pocket and an epi pen I had added. She'd be fine. She'd have to get back to the building on her own. There were other immortals nearby who could help her. And I'd made sure they all had medical equipment, too. And a 200 page list of typed instructions.

I heard one of the Vancouver Guard hiss in Umbrian, "If you touch her like that again, I'll tear off your arms, you rat bastard."

Fine. It's not like they should be listening, anyway. Contentious creeps. The sharp tone of my soon to be ex drew my attention from his sulking.

"James never laid a hand on me Edward. _You _were the one who broke my bones, and damaged my brain. And I forgave you for it, even though you never apologized." That stung, as it occurred to me that she spoke the absolute truth. I never had apologized and it was ungentlemanly of me, but, alas, too late to rectify, "I think I've proven several times that I keep my word, Edward. Unlike you, I have a notion of honor and integrity. Go ahead and run. It's what you do best."

She threw the line at me with a look of pity. I could already hear Angela and Ben planning on coming out to check on her. It was time to end this speech. Abraham the lusty linebacker was considering joining them and pounding me to pieces. As if. And his slattern of a girlfriend thought I deserved to be smacked across the head and shoulders by my tiny ex-fiancée. Even the virtue-challenged Abby Martingale declared she'd never "do" me. I think that was good.

Starched Shirt Edward would have been envious, I used my most patronizing tone, "Bella, when you look back on your life years later, you will think of this incident as nothing more than a bad day." I waved my right palm outward, "Your memories of me will vanish. After all, you're merely human."

I smiled her favorite smile, and leaned forward to kiss her. The pendant flared, and I felt this force that prevented me from making contact, shocking me. I pretended not to take notice. She recoiled away wearing a visage of disgust, and the Fitz flock snarled at me. I opened my mouth to deliver my last scathing line. I'd definitely planned it to have maximum impact.

"Shut up and beat it, asshole," said the boorish Vancouver head guard from twenty feet away, pointing me to the south. I ignored him.

Then she surprised me. Rather than offer the clever arguments I predicted or stare at the ground weeping pathetically, she turned slowly on her heel, and walked away without a word, the apotheosis, ironically enough, of grace. I ignored the twinge I felt when she did not look back once. The Vancouver guard handed her a handkerchief as she passed him. With a shake of her head she politely refused and continued to move away. Although her heart raced, she seemed abnormally calm. Angela and Ben came out to meet her. I knew my time to leave had finally arrived.

I heard Angela say, "Bella, are you ok?"

"Now that I realized I wasted the past few weeks of my life on a loser who didn't deserve a minute of it, yeah, I will be."

That didn't end the way I had envisioned, but it would have to do. Clearly, I had angered her if the term "loser" meant what I thought it did, because I had won 60% of our games of chess.

At that moment, I decided my work here was done, realizing that her Grandmother might kill me for real in her mad plans concerning her progeny if I didn't escape. Besides, Genevieve detested me, so my freeing myself from her granddaughter's life should have her positively skipping with joy in the afterlife. And Young to Me Old Power would keep an eye on her. The Not Really From Vancouver guards ignored at me as I left, most of them. Two of them spat on the ground as I passed, a vulgar gesture from their time. And three of the women in the group made the sign warding off the evil eye at me. Five saluted me with a single middle finger. Then they all blocked their thoughts.

I stepped out of sight into the forest at human speed and then sprinted without looking back a single time. She was not the only one who could act unaffected. My mind could have played tricks on me but I thought I heard her mutter, "Coward!"

The Vancouver guard muttered, "Here, here," collectively.

One female said fondly, "Good riddance. She's a smart one."

Ben Cheney's was embarrassed for me and believed only an idiot would leave a wonderful girl like her. And dumping her right in front of the school not long after she'd nearly been murdered was just the height of insensitivity. He had expected better from me. With that humbling line, I blocked out the entire gathering as I heard the news race through people's shocked minds. I was now in the eyes of Forks High an insensitive cur.

Jessica and Lauren squealed in unison, and the students around them glared in disgust. Jessica was already using her cell phone, dialing my home phone intending to console me in my hour of need. How pathetic. She left four messages. Worse, she had me on speed dial. Long-faced loser.

Angela thought to herself that I had no idea what I had done. I already knew what I had left behind. She was just a simple human girl with a vicious barracuda of a Grandmother who would watch out for her. Not to mention Paula would handily be there as well. This really was for the best. I was finished with the tiresome charade of pretending to be her Real boyfriend. And I just knew my ex-human would have a magnificent future. Mike Newton surprised me by throwing an arm around her rigid shoulders and saying in a commiserating voice, "I'm sorry. We're all pigs deep down inside, you know." That earned him a watery smile. I refrained only just from turning around to finish the job I'd done on him earlier. It's not like she was attracted to him. I think.

I ran from her like a madman, gulping in air I no longer needed as I ducked around the trees, winding my way under the canopy, staying in the shadows. Sprinting past the Swan residence, I congratulated myself for my behavior last night. I had entered her house, swept into her room and cleaned the entire place so that she could move back in without a problem. I had gathered up all her recent gifts from our family after her accident that Charlie had stored in her bedroom like offerings to an absent god and placed them on her desk. Earlier that morning, while she had slept at the Clearwaters, I had returned all of the possessions that we had collected for her at my house, to prevent any awkward future encounters between her and my family. That way she would know I really was done with her. She had a year's supply of hypoallergenic products for her hair and skin. And the coats I had ordered from the military I left hanging in her closet. They would keep her warm when winter hit.

Returning to the Cullen mansion for one last time, I ignored the ringing of the phone as Jessica's OCD nature revealed itself. The wolves slept in their cottage, ignorant of my actions. I had returned the gifts we had given her to make her angry with me and gratified by my absence as my ace in the hole. I hoped to never see them again, and wondered why I couldn't bring myself to destroy the tokens I'd kept of her as I stared at the bottle cap in the trunk. I shut it decisively.

For some odd reason, a Biblical verse from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians came to mind, _"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child. We see now through a glass in a dark manner; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known. And now there remain faith, hope, and charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity." _

It was time to put up the foolish dreams of a little boy and show true faith, hope and charity to my family. And I told myself I felt relief that this charade was over. I could go back to my usual role of the good son. And my family would stop pestering me. I would stay silent for a few decades if need be so they would keep me.

I had another reason why leaving her now was more important than my scent hobby. I needed to hunt Victoria and her friends. I knew she would soon be targeting my brothers, and particularly their wives. If we were away from my ex-human, then she would be less of a target. And I would be free to keep my family safe. After all, I had to make up for my lack of action when they had killed James. In the unlikely event Victoria came to Forks, she would not bother with a human girl once they saw I no longer valued her. Vampires do not fight other vampires to save the life of a human and then abandon her if they cared. The plan seemed foolproof. And she did have the Clearwaters to care for her, the pack as well. And the Fake Canadians. And that dratted dog. She would be fine.

Chanting after me like a children's taunt, the words from my sister's letter echoed through the forest.

_Oh Edward, I have seen what would happen if you leave her. This is what she will become. My vision showed her destroyed._

Mary Alice had even drawn with colored pencils what she had seen in vivid detail. While admiring her skill with color and light, I chided her letter for her malicious attempt at manipulation. My human would never look that pale or thin or weak. The haggard being in those images didn't even _look_ like the woman I had memorized in my mind.

Rolling my eyes at my well-intention sister's histrionics I scoffed at her warning, and tossed the sheets to the floor in disgust. After all, I gloated in pointing out, she had been wrong before. She had seen a rabid version of me slaughtering my ex-singer and an entire classroom of humans on the first day of class I snidely recalled. I argued based on the subjective nature of Mary Alice's gift that she had erred. So my ex-fiancée could decide that she was over me and my absence would offer her plenty of opportunities to fall in love with the horde of hormonally charged mortal boys that constantly clamored for her attention.

Mary Alice's uncharacteristically viperish last words to me in her letter before I had left on my quest had been memorable, _"Edward, it's a good thing you are dead. Right now if you were human, I'd have to say you were too stupid to live." _

She had no idea of the immense sacrifice I was making in her name. I hunted Victoria so she would stay Jasper's mate, and free my brother of the stain of bigamy. I could not let her know. Shedding my singer showed I was willing to make any sacrifice for the continued well being of my family. One day they would understand.

The last sentence of her letter, almost as if we were having a mental conversation was, _"Fine Edward, but mark my words, by the time this is over you're actually going to beg to die from the effects of leaving your future mate."_

I had never felt so beleaguered by my sister, or abused by her gift. At the use of that detestable word "mate," the one thing that fate had denied me as an immortal, I lost control of my temper and felt an unusual shoving sensation in my brain as I thought of my ex-human. I snapped at the paper, "Of course, dear sister, because we all know," I bit out, "If Alice says it, it _must_, therefore, be true. Stay away from her," in a withering tone before turning my back on her and my family. I knew she would see this in a vision since she was far enough away from me to be able to use her gift properly. And Jasper could not beat me from this distance for speaking so disrespectfully to his whatever she was wife/bride/mate/immortal on the side. So there.

I ran to begin my tracking mission using the Quileute power to fuel my speed. I did not look back as my feet carried me away. As I hit the ten mile mark I could swear I heard Mary Alice's voice sounded in my head, _"She's not your human any more, Edward. You lost the privilege to call her that. She's my friend. And I won't abandon her."_

I called out to Grace mentally to follow me. She ignored me. I felt like an eye slammed shut in my mind, blinding me for a moment. My senses returned to the normal level for a vampire. I stumbled as I ran through the Redwood forest in California as I felt my heart beat start. "Not this. Not now!" I growled as I sank to the loamy earth.

The setting was the same, two plush leather chairs. Hezekiah sat in his suit, holding his pipe. He did not have his stick this time. I had left it locked in storage in Forks since I had no intention of wandering near any Quileutes and therefore had no use of the implement. The tribe was safe in Paula's hands now.

"Well, you've created a fine mess for yourself, Edward." He shook his head sadly.

"I failed to kill them all when they attacked because I misused my powers. I have to save my family."

"You did not misuse your powers, Edward. The fact you are still alive proves they worked."

"What?"

"That Phoenix fellow. No one has ever walked away from a meeting with him, word is up here. He meant to kill everyone except for Alice and Bella. You stopped that all on your own."

"But my powers failed."

"They wavered when you started to doubt yourself. True. They worked just fine when he attacked. You just didn't realize it. But now you have a bigger problem."

"Aside from snotty immortals wanting my sister's head on a stick?"

"That's not what I'm referring to, son. Your little missy." His voice trailed off as he stared at me with pity in his eyes.

"Not you, too." I huffed in annoyance.

This was becoming old. I had picked my family over her to show my loyalty for them. Her human affections would not last, and I would never change her or permit anyone else to, so other than my selfish pleasure - keeping her around really was pointless. Although I did miss the chess, I caught myself thinking before I mentally slapped my hand. And her eyes. And of course her scent. Her habit of speaking Latin in her sleep. Her arms around me at night. I willfully turned my mind away from her memory, and stuffed her symbolically into a dark hole of my conscience.

"You may have noticed your pet has stopped contact with you."

"I wanted to take her with me to track the ones that attacked us."

"She won't go. And she's right mad at you. Even if you do return, I don't think she'll ever answer you." He looked so sad.

"I lived without her, whatever she is, in my life before. I'll do so again." I stated casually ignoring the pain I felt at Grace's silence.

"Do you remember when I told you that I was giving you all the powers of my line?"

"Yes."

"Well, they also include looking into the future. You don't seem to have used that gift, but I still can. All I can say is that you are making a terrible mistake."

"You rarely saw into the future and I can always change mine."

"You're going to have to learn this the hard way Edward. I'm done talking to you. I'd wish you good luck but I know you're not going to have it. I'm done teaching you. Bye, son." He vanished from the forest, as once again, I slammed to the ground. I awoke to find vultures perched on my body tearing at my clothing, pecking at my flesh. For once in my miserable existence I thanked divine forces for my impermeable skin. Although my skin hurt and my muscles twinged.

Whereas I had planned to wrap things up in a week and get back to my life, Victoria continuously evaded me with ease. The only thing I could determine as I tracked her scent and failed to find her mind was that she must be using a vampire as a shield to hide her thoughts - which meant she must be part of a lost coven. I could hear other voices, other immortals, too, but not her clarion insane mind. And my pride refused to allow me to call my more experienced brothers after failing so publicly in Forks.

I could not separate them from their mates - it would be too cruel a burden. If the slight discomfort that I curiously felt from a mere vampiric break up of a brief relationship with a _human_ was a standard, the agony of being kept for months from your true mate would be unendurable. And I had the additional reason that I did not want them to think they were right. So I communicated infrequently with them with random texts that said essentially nothing and otherwise kept my cell phone off for weeks. It did not bother me that no one responded.

When the cell phone battery died in the Rocky Mountains, I did not bother recharging it for a month. I never stayed in any one place very long. My search consumed me. I had visited six covens so far of blood drinking humans. Some I had talked to, others I had observed. None had heard of or from Victoria/Annie/Crazy Current Wife of Jasper. All had heard that trouble was afoot and the Volturi on the prowl. Interestingly, the minds of the leaders indicated all had been threatened with mysterious phone calls from different male voices telling them that a fight was on the way and they would have to take sides, or be destroyed. In Denver, I learned that Jane had paid a visit to the coven and scared the unliving daylights out of them all, and had been tracked taking a private jet out of the country with her twin. I wondered why they recalled them to Italy.

Now that my singer and I had parted, mentally I debated the notion of love with Starched Shirt Edward, who I suspected was leading the search for Victoria - explaining my lack of finding any trace of her. Starched shirt me was whining, pious, and a moron. He kept lecturing me on faith and love and begging me to return to our dear little one. Jugurtha Predator watched in silence. Finally he reached the point where he jerked Starched Shirt Edward by the collar and they walked to the library door shutting it decisively. They did not emerge. Fine. I would not summon them. I didn't need Jugurtha to hunt. If things became truly desperate I could always summon the other one, the one I had locked up all those years ago. He definitely wanted to come out to play.

I spent the next several months ineptly trying to convince myself moment by moment that my sacrifice on behalf of my family was worth my burgeoning pain. As time passed, I remember being genuinely baffled that I felt any distress at all. It was impossible that an almost 18-year-old human could possibly comprehend much less return affection like what I felt for her. I had initially told my former girlfriend that I had loved things about her because I had known that was expected behavior for suitors of the era. I did not know that one such as me could feel anything beyond a strong fondness for a _human_. I had not worried about deceiving her because, after all, I did feel _something_ more than friendship, and I did have her best interests in heart when making decisions that she lacked the maturity to make. But love?

Admittedly, I had fought speaking that word after feeling the singular passion from her kiss. Instead I had said things to her like she "was my life now" that had sounded good to my mind at the time, full of reason rather than passion. Perhaps, I wondered, I had been swept away by the excitement of the forbidden: dating a human, particularly given my inexperience. Despite our physical distance, her siren call grew in strength day by day. And I fought, kicking and screaming and fighting to understand why I felt compelled to return. The strain grew to the point where life simply became wearisome.

I had tried to imagine in my mind an elderly version of her with grandchildren scampering around her feet as she sat in her rocking chair, reading glasses perched on her pert nose, laugh lines on her face, a prettier version of Genevieve thank you very much, having lived the life God intended for her with a faceless husband by her side.

Since I had abandoned the algae's ability to block my desire for her blood, had I stayed with her it would only have been a matter of time before the predator inside me either killed or condemned her to the never-ending hell of my existence. I could not bear the idea of her spending an eternity living with my poisonous nature. Saying such harsh words to her had been necessary, because if she really knew me she would never have spent a second in my presence. Aside from Jessica Stanley or Lauren Mallory, what reasonable human wanted to date a reformed serial killer? She had only known the part of me I had crafted for her to see - the Pretend me, the Fake Boyfriend. And he was an illusion. Even if what she had claimed to feel was genuine that meant she never really loved _me_.

Another month crawled by in misery. Time seemed to slow with every passing moment. I shoved the memories of her that seemed to grow in intensity with each second from my mind. I refused to contemplate the sound of her voice as I ran from her like the puling coward she had rightly called me. As the weeks continued, I continuously reminded myself she was stubborn and I had angered her. Remembering the girl who had studiously avoided me for a month, she would go out of her way to prove I had no effect on her in front of her friends.

I had refused to return to check on her despite being tempted constantly. My presence would only impede her forgetting me. I also feared that I might have an instinctual territorial reaction if I saw my singer with the new boyfriend I predicted she had by now. And as the days passed and I thought of her face endlessly and the agony made it hard to function rationally, I began to wonder if I had completely lost my mind.

When I had left her, I had expected to go back to feeling the way I had for 75 years: alone. I had not anticipated carrying her ghost with me every second of my existence or smell the memory of her intoxicating scent wherever I ran. After all, I had left the bottle cap in Forks, but it appeared to have pursued me relentlessly across the globe.

Occasionally, my human heart would force me to sleep. And when that happened I had the same ghastly experience over and over. I would have some strange sort of dream first. And they confused me so. The first one showed me bloodied Annie/Victoria in a long gown thrashing about on the floor of a small house.

As her heart stopped and her bright red eyes opened, a familiar figure crouched at her feet. "Hello, my pretty, my name is Maria. This is my brother, Guillermo," she pointed to another familiar figure, the immortal child that had destroyed Jasper's family home.

"Jasper?"

"Who would that be? It's Annie, no?" She was asking my brother's wife her name.

"My husband, Major Jasper Whitlock." A cunning light went on in Maria's eyes, and she shared a malicious glance with her brother.

"I have not heard of this man." She lied better than I did.

"I must find him. He is my husband."

"I'll make you a bargain. Work for me for a while, and when you have completed your task, I'll help you find him."

She slowly nodded in agreement, "I'm hungry," Annie said.

"Ah, have I a meal for you," Maria opened the door. I am guessing by their screams that Annie's parents did not last long. Her sisters, too.

While Annie had her first meal, Guillermo craned his neck at his sister and said, "She is gifted. I think she should be with the special ones."

"I agree, mijo."

"Maria?" He switched to Spanish.

"Yes, Guillermo?"

"It will take years to build a separate army quietly."

"True."

"So we'll need something to keep everyone's attention off what we are doing."

"True, my brother. I agree. And I have just the thing. Raphael."

That was the first odd dream. I had others. They made no sense. I kept seeing Mary Alice's vision of the two of us standing under a tree, me and Future Singer. It never failed to make me feel utterly miserable. I would shake myself awake and wait for the agony of my halting heart to wash over me welcoming the pain for once.

The trail led me to Idaho, where I found three separate sets of immortals that appeared to be readying for battle. I killed them with the vampire blade I'd taken, and I'm sorry to say it was not even a fair contest. Due to that weapon I could invoke that 'no biting' policy I'd adopted. Aside from knowing that their leader would summon them "soon" their thoughts had not been helpful. So I wandered through four other states, and found six other lost covens with hostile intent. They were a disappointment as well. I was beginning to understand why Alec whined about not being able to get into a good old-fashioned fight. And I lost not a wink of sleep over dispatching any of the immortals that I killed. They deserved it.

Then I trudged to Texas. I sat late one night and begged the Quileute powers to aid me in finding Victoria's scent. Much to my astonishment, a path appeared glowing green. Growling in success, I followed it. The trail led me to a house deep in the pine woods outside The Woodlands - an ironic name if ever there was. I extending my senses and put my body into the house - my spirit body - taking a page out of Hezekiah's book of tricks.

A group of vampires feasted upon the body of a shrieking young man. They had initially planned on turning him but blood lust struck several they all pounced upon him, each going for an artery. I could hear their gluttonous thoughts as they basked in pleasure to the discordant tune of his demise. The young man had a careworn baseball mitt and bag full of equipment scattered around the floor. He appeared to have been in high school. The class ring on his now pale finger indicated he had been a senior. I couldn't help but envy him his death. Not the manner of it mind you, that was terrible, poor child. But he had the chance to die and to stay that way. He could go to his eternal reward and face God with a pure soul. I smiled at the thought. Their chattering distracted me from my pity party. And they were taking forever to feed. Imbeciles.

"She wanted us to turn him. She's going to be mad," one named Gus said.

"She can go turn her own army herself. This one tasted too good." Another named Griselda snarled peering up from the victim's leg before she returned to drinking from him. He quickly died as Gus snapped his frail neck in irritation, "God, why do they always whine like that. It's irritating. Ever hear of dying with dignity, bubba?"

"Did she indicate when she planned on returning?" A brown-haired female vampire named Sally asked as she licked the blood from her lips, venom drool falling from her gaping maw onto the body.

A large male immortal named Ron threw the boy's drained arm aside and answered, "I hate arms, they have so little blood. I like a good leg now and then. I had an Argentinean last week that was delicious. I'm going to have to go and see if the minerals there make all the humans taste that good. We'll have to find more humans tonight. Oh, uh, she wanted us to deliver them to her. I'm not sure where she is at present. But if you think her temper is mad, don't even think about crossing her sibling." He glowed green and he smelled like Victoria. That couldn't be right.

"Your scent is off, Ron. Can you knock it off, it's distracting me? Feeding here?" Gus griped as he licked at blood on the body.

"Victoria said I had to carry her scent with me to lure that lone Cullen. She wanted to use him for bait for that Alice. I've been trying to find the bastard for months but he keeps getting away. He's really good." He complained.

What? Good? I plunged into his mind as he thought of his gift. Ron could take on the scent of any thing he smelled and use it to lay a false trail, as he had done for me all these months I thought enraged. Apparently, he could turn it on and off and had done so which is why I kept losing her or his, I should say, scent. I was listening for _her_ mind, not his.

"Remember what she was like when she first came here?"

They all had mental images of a raging female determined to find her mate. Annie/Victoria had stayed for several years thinking he would come home, wandering near his old family home. She vowed to find her mate. They had been in the midst of the Southern wars and had needed every fighter. The coven had taken to calling her the Vampire Penelope behind her back. Victoria had been so vicious in battle that none had dared try to stop her. Life had been considerably calmer in her absence. Frustrated, I listened to their minds for over four days learning nothing of use beyond she followed the instructions of some hidden hand. Apparently, Victoria was smarter than I had anticipated which irritated me to no end.

I was the beast that terrorized Chicago, for crying out loud. In 1929, when my appetite had raged out of control I had committed the St. Valentine's Day massacre and made national headlines. The bullets were merely to disguise the damage from my teeth.

I was the one who had condemned Al Capone to his miserable death. He had been harassing a religious order of nuns for money. I had taken a syphilitic corpse, had knocked him unconscious in the night and had rubbed the body on him transferring the illness after twenty dedicated minutes of trying. He had died in agony at my hands slowly over time. I had sent him a lovely little message penned by hand telling him that he had been given syphilis, the very soul of consideration, as a warning. I had ended the note by saying that if he continued his behavior towards the clergy, I promised to make sure everyone he loved caught it with him, starting with his family. The harassing of the nuns had ceased, and I had met Sister Clair shortly thereafter. If I could do that to a legendary gangster, my inability to find one stupid nutty out of her tree vampire....meant I had clearly lost my touch.

To remind myself I was not a complete failure, I pounced upon the house when they brought their next unconscious snack, a little girl about 12 years old. Storming into the room, I tore into Sally making quick work of her before moving on to handily dispatch Gus and Griselda. I know I made a terrifying sight because I shot green fire that burned them from my hands. My Quileute powers apparently could not resist killing vampires. Ron I saved for last.

"You wanted to see me, I believe?" I snarled and growled.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Edward Cullen." Recognition flared in his thick features.

He blinked at me. "And man," he waved an arm, "You seriously reek. Ever heard of a bath?" He exhaled, "Whew! And who sings Panis Angelicus when fighting?"

"I like people hearing pleasing things when they die." That made sense to me at the time.

Ron looked at me as if I'd taken leave of my senses. "Punk, you have been a pain in my backside, and I really wish I could kill you for what you just did to my friends." He sighed with a pained expression, "but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you to Victoria and let her decide your fate."

"How can you take me when you don't know where she is, you moron?"

He waved a wafer thin phone at me. "Dial down the aggression, dude, or I'll have to hurt you. I've got a nifty little thing called a cell phone. Twenty-first century and all. You should try it."

"Really? Excellent. Use it. I'll willingly go with you."

"Get out. Seriously?" He all but danced a jig. Why was he asking me to leave him, the imbecile?

"Seriously." I snapped tapping my foot.

Ron pulled out his cell phone and dialed a familiar number thinking that it was for use only in emergencies and he had used it in ten different exigent circumstances and Victoria had always answered on the first ring. Ron heard her voice mail sound instead. So he tried again, and felt irritated when he heard the dulcet tones of her voice again on the message. So at vampire speed he tried a third time, wondering what in blazes was going on with her. I stood there looking lifeless as I rifled through his mind. With each unsuccessful call, he became more distressed. Mentally, I heard him complain that he had no idea where she'd be if she didn't answer her phone since she had that vampire that blocked powers and masked her trail hanging out with her.....The next time he called he heard a message that said the mailbox was full.

"So Ron, tell me about this vampire that can block powers. How annoying is that?"

His lips moved before his brain caught up to warn him to be cautious since he felt frustrated at Victoria, "God, Phoenix. That is one scary dude. Guess it sucks to have him after you now doesn't it?" He snickered.

I giggled like Mrs. Stanley, "Not particularly. Considering I'm standing here free as a bird and all." Acting blasé in front of him wasn't a challenge. I was more likely to expire of boredom in his presence than I would from a physical attack. And I knew he lacked any special power beyond that whole masking of one's scent trick. He stared at me as if I'd gone insane.

Ron mentally chortled at my stupidity, thinking of Phoenix's face and a whole plethora of memories of poor individuals Phoenix had slain over the years. I took each thought and tucked them away for further examination at a later time.

"You're pretty stupid if Phoenix doesn't scare you. I mean come on, man, he scares me more than Victoria does and I'm not afraid to admit it."

"I'm not afraid of him because so far he can't seem to find me. Why should I be?"

"Because he can kill you with one thought."

"Been there. Done that. Boring." I sang.

Ron stuttered thinking that if Phoenix had lost his gift the next scariest person he knew was Victoria. He wagged a finger at me, "Oh, so you never figured out the whole blood lust thing did you?"

"I'm sure you'll tell me, given I'm doing to die at some point." I had to encourage him to believe he had a chance to kill me. Although he didn't. At all.

"Victoria said she thought it would be fun if you and your family felt outrageous blood lust. So she sparked it."

"Are you telling me that Victoria's power is that she can spark blood lust?" I acted shocked.

Ron nodded solemnly, "Swear to God. Why do you think she was so successful in the Southern Wars?"

"Do tell."

"Man it was sick. She could take a group of newborn vampires, I think her limit was 20 at a time, and whip them into a frenzy like nothing you've ever seen before. They would tear anything apart in front of them that stood in between them and humans on the other side. And Victoria was always careful to have a tasty group of humans nearby."

I ripped from his mind the battles she had fought in that he had observed, noting her skill and deviousness. She really was a good match for Jasper when she lived. In all my years, I had never seen a case of unrequited mate bonding, and given what little I understood of the process, if she and Jasper were truly mates, when she saw him he would have abandoned Mary Alice. Except his bond with Mary Alice was solid and impossible to break at that point - not that he wanted to dissolve it, mind you. Victoria really never had a chance with him. Ron's mind indicated he had outlived his usefulness as he started thinking fond thoughts of killing the unconscious human on the floor at our feet.

I tore him to shreds without a bit of remorse. Now I had lost all hope of finding Victoria. I'd have to go back to Forks and start anew. I had managed to read from Ron's thoughts before he died that she had at least two groups of 20 vampires currently in her command. And four more she could summon with a call. Victoria was after Jasper so naturally she'd be lurking in Forks. I had to call them. My fingers looked for my phone and found it and a dead battery. And my model of phone was not similar to any of the cell phones on the dead vampires in the room. I used Ron's phone to call my family and received no answer. I left a message on Carlisle's. They must be hunting. I'd check in later. I had told them everything they needed to know in the voicemail. I had protected them to the best of my ability. I was the good son off on a mission to save them, after all.

After searching it to see if I could find any clues about Victoria, I emerged with a spiteful journal written by a long dead vampire that offered a particularly unflattering view of her. I threw it into my backpack. Finding lighter fluid, I poured it over the bodies and set them on fire. The house sat on a lake far enough away from the trees that it would not spread, and even if it did, in my mood I cared not, I thought, as I lifted the unconscious child.

I had not fed in ....I could not remember the last time I fed and to my disgust I found my mouth filling with venom as I stared greedily at the little girl. I flew to a nearby house and left her on the front doorstep after ringing the bell. She had not had any serious injuries, thank God, beyond a concussion and a broken arm, which I set and splinted. And I couldn't help but have a vision of another little girl that had fallen and been aided by immortals. I felt relieved at fleeing from her side that I hadn't drunk her dry. I ran into the De Soto National forest contemplating hunting. After my close call with the little girl, the idea of feeding repulsed me. And I sensed a storm, a bad one, coming from the west.

I knew I needed to find my family, realized that I could not return to Forks. After all, it wasn't like she'd be waiting for me, although I missed her with every second. And it wasn't like she wouldn't be surrounded by a bevy of mortal boys all better than I, although the thought of that made me want to shatter boulders. I tried to take out my rage on a rock and found the rock stronger than me, to my disgust. I couldn't even blow up a pebble. Now where was I supposed to go? I used the phone to call my family and again they did not answer. I had something urgent to do but couldn't quite remember it. All I could recall was this dainty girl as she played chess. I could not get the image from my mind as it clung on desperately. What was her name?

I descended into a mindless pit much worse than anything I had felt when I had returned from my rebellious years, chased by her face. I hadn't hunted in three months a record for me, because I couldn't work up the energy. In hindsight, I think that contributed to my actions. Without eating, my power faded as did my reasoning ability. I found a cave and hid. I sulked at the idea of returning back to Forks to face my failure but knew my family needed me. I got up and wearily ran to the west. I stumbled as I couldn't remember if I needed to be in Forks or Alaska or Seattle, so I turned east instead. It had made sense at the time.

Hezekiah visited me one day as I lay in an abandoned barn waiting for sun set. I had gone into Louisiana thinking perhaps Victoria had headed for New Orleans. My heart let me know of Hezekiah's arrival as it burst into rhythm and I fell from the mortal realm. When he appeared in his chair, his eyes widened as he looked down at me. He covered his mouth as if trying to keep from vomiting. I stayed on the floor too exhausted to crawl into the comfortable appearing recliner behind me.

"Son, you're pathetic. You need to eat. An animal NOT a human, please. And you need to go home. And for God's sake, you need a bath."

"I have nothing to return to." I chanted to one of his Western Wallflowers that gaped at me by his shoe.

Wagging his index finger at me he said, "You need to make up with your little missy. She needs you real bad right now. Mark my words."

"She's no longer my little missy. I told her the truth."

His features sank into a frown. How had I displeased him, too? Paying attention required so much energy.

"No son, you told her what you thought was the truth. If you think hard enough with that fancy brain of yours, my boy, the truth will occur to you."

"I know not what you mean."

He sighed. "I suppose we'll have to do this the hard way. He's all yours," he called over his shoulder and vanished.

I found myself back in the barn and the straw still poked at my back, annoyingly, like nagging from a wife. Groaning, the barn door opened and before my disbelieving eyes two large deer pranced inside to have the door close behind them. I took that as a sign from God that perhaps I should feed. Just this twice. And my, it felt good, although my throat was parched.

Then I heard an unfamiliar voice laughing at me. I looked up from my meal to find the scornful eyes of Liam O'Shea looming over me like a judgmental deity.

He snapped, "I always suspected you were an idiot. Thanks for giving me cast iron proof, you spineless bastard." Hezekiah was right, Liam did have a temper and he was scary in his insanity.

"At least I know how to write poetry," was the only thing I could sling back at him.

Liam captivated my attention by saying, "You harmed my family, so I have absolutely no problem harming yours. You might want to try calling them right now."

"What do you mean harming mine?"

"You hurt my little girl, and your family leapt at her when she was wounded and tried to kill her, so I'm afraid I had to teach them a lesson." What was the man talking about? Was he bouncing my family against the ground like Genevieve was wont to do to me?

"Victoria caused them to feel blood lust."

"Right, like I'm going to believe anything that comes out of your foul mouth, you little coward," he sneered. "And she's Jasper's wife, so that means she's family. What kind of moron forgets he's married?" he sniffed.

The man was insane. Although the circumstances of his demise had been unfortunate and I regretted the effect on his granddaughter, perhaps it was best after all that he be confined to heaven where his deluded self could not harm anyone. Someone needed to up his medication.

"You broke her heart so I'm afraid we're going to have to teach you another lesson," Liam said. "We put considerable thought into this one, which is why we made sure to feed you first. We wanted you rational enough to understand just how stupid you were. Oh, and by the way, Genevieve sends her best."

He disappeared and I blinked around the barn wiping at my eyes. I finished the next deer and asked their corpses, "Did I just see what I thought I saw? Or have I gone completely around the bend?" One of the bodies suddenly took on the appearance of my dear little one, and I cringed away from it.

I turned on my, well, Ron's phone actually, but why quibble at this point? It wasn't like he needed it, so technically I hadn't stolen it. I had merely liberated it from a pile of ashes to save the environment from damage of it going into a dump. I was recycling. I was an environmental vampire prince, as well.

My fingers frantically tapped out Carlisle's number. Dialing Rosalie received the same response. And Jasper. And Esme. And Emmett. In desperation I tried Tanya. When I received no response to the cell phones of anyone in either coven I broke and called Mary Alice. I got her voice mail. They all couldn't be ignoring me. They wouldn't do that. They prefer to taunt me. Then I called all of the newborns. Then Carmen. Then Irina. Then Kate. Then Eleazar. I even called Laurent. Something was most definitely wrong, and I could not read the minds of Liam and Jericho. I called Paula. Then, I called my human. She would know what to do. Her phone did not answer, either.

I convinced myself that they were fine, that he was just toying with me. Liam smirked and said, "This time I let them live. Next time I'll find a way to hurt you worse. Oh, and Jericho wanted me to tell you he's on his way to inform your parents of all the evil things you did while they weren't looking all those years ago. Every last thing. In painstaking detail," he taunted. At the idea of Carlisle and Esme hearing of my wicked deeds, I panicked. Then Liam said something far worse. He said, "Oh, you misunderstand me. He's not talking to them. He's talking to your real parents. Right now."

I crumbled to the ground and cried at the idea of my Mother and Father hearing of my shame. He said, "Jericho says he was not sorry, and to tell you that he was looking forward to telling them what a heartless, cowardly, spineless, measly-minded, pathetic, egotistical, self-involved moron they had spawned." Then he got really mean and told me that Jacob Black was more intelligent. He shuffled off into the clouds caroling, "Take it away, my friend."

I have no idea to whom he spoke, nor at that point, numb on all fours, nor did I care. The tree behind me was ripped from the earth, and before I could even move at vampire speed, smacked against my head. I stood wondering how wood could actually hurt me when the second blow landed. It was like being chased by a big stick. Then I realized the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt was stalking me. He kept after me for the next month, hitting me at completely random intervals, but always batting me west. The tree would appear and disappear at will. It was traumatizing. My Parents and siblings did not answer their phones. It seemed that the coverage in their area was down.

He was right; he did carry a big stick. And I was beginning to feel very sorry indeed. Unfortunately, the sneaky white man on my committee had friends. And they chased me, too. I think it was the ghost of her Uncle Liam joining in, or maybe Sitting Bull. He was sneaky. He decided to hurt me in the best way. When I did actually try to hunt, he scared away all the deer and animals. I was reduced to stalking skunks. And I continued to starve since I only found two and they were snatched from my arms after spraying me with their scent. I had to jump into several lakes to rid myself of the odor. I was so pathetic. The only thing I managed to frighten in the process had green webbed feet. Edward Cullen Frog Stalker Extraordinaire.

In desperation, I took to breaking into a grocery store and drinking the blood from the butcher shop. I knew I needed to go home to Seattle or maybe Denali but stopped in Galveston to gather information. The coven there was not much help. They were getting ready to battle another one from the south for the right of ruling over Los Angeles. How boring. I killed them without a second thought. And burned the building to ashes. How fifteen vampires thought they could take over the entire area of Los Angeles was beyond me. I had to kill them to save them from their stupidity. They all knew Victoria. And someone named Phoenix who scared them even more than she did. Interesting.

One day my mental image of that human became so powerful it literally stopped me in my tracks. I was wandering through Ville Platt, Louisiana in the forested areas when suddenly I felt like someone had seized control of my mind forcing it to what appeared to be the cliffs on her land that were above the ocean. I saw her perched daintily at the edge.

My heart started to beat on that note and I looked down with alarm. I was watching the vision of my human unfold while having another one.

Time may have passed, decades in fact, but Genevieve's eyes were still the same as they stared into my own startled ones. She wore a grey dress and pearls, her hair swept up into a fancy style. "And you have the audacity to insist that my son is stupid? Compared to you he looks like a genius, and coming from his own Mother, that's saying something." She sniffed.

"I'm enchanted to finally make your acquaintance as an adult, Mrs. Swan." I had saved her granddaughter. She no longer had any reason to harass me or her brother and husband for that matter, who persecuted me despite my sacrifice on behalf of their precious Grandchild. I would definitely talk to her. I kept my tone pleasant remembering the last time she had been angry with me.

"Go home and fix your mess," She pointed a finger at my chest.

"What mess?" I wondered if my siblings were harmed. They hadn't called in months. Was I supposed to call them? I forgot. Where was home? Then again, I hadn't even bothered to check my phone that day. Or the other. I think.

"The one you left in Forks." She spat. She offered me a bag of blood. I thanked her and drank it.

She gave me another with a syrupy smile. And kept smiling five bags later. In between gulps I claimed, "I am keeping your Granddaughter safe by hunting the ones who attempted to harm her. What more do you want me to do? I am giving it my all."

She was so unreasonable and ungrateful. I did this and treated her with the same consideration I did my own flesh and we weren't even engaged any longer and she called me an idiot? "And she's perfectly safe. I planned it that way." I felt unnaturally calm.

Genevieve shook her head, clicked her tongue, and said in a withering tone while scorching me with disdainful eyes, "I stand by my original words. You make my son look like Einstein in the brains department. Stupid. You are going to spend the far distant future reaping what ye hath sown." Her shaking voice actually managed to give me pause as did the genuine pain in her eyes. I hadn't had anyone throw scripture at me in ages. Starched Shirt Edward had ignored me all this time.

She vanished without a word in a huff that would have been the envy of Violet Gorgon. Well, at least I emerged from that one unscathed, I thought, as I woke up. An invisible not particularly gentle hand lifted me from the ground and slammed me repeatedly against a nearby rock then dunked me underwater a few times for good measure. Clearly, I spoke too soon.

My heartbeat started up again and the hand lifted me out to fling me on the ground as I sank back into sleep.

Suddenly I was sitting back in the living room in the house in Chicago. My Mother had showed the last guest to the door after our fourth tea. I remember feeling morose as I had not met any young lady that appealed to me.

"Edward, come here, son." She patted the sofa at her side. I immediately joined her.

"What, Mother?"

"I have a story to tell you. Sometimes love is difficult to find because it's right in front of our eyes."

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Do you know how sometimes I have these premonitions?"

"Like the night of the storm when you made us go to the basement and lightning struck the house?"

"Exactly." My mind came back to me and I remembered she had an unerring ability to predict the future at strange times. A wistful expression crossed her face as she reached into her pocket. She handed me a box. "Open it, please." Inside laid a lovely little ring.

"What is this, Mother?" I hadn't even met someone I liked and she was giving me a ring? Someone was counting their chickens before they hatched.

"Edward, I have seen the girl that you are going to marry. I am so happy for you. She is absolutely lovely and you look so happy holding her hand. The two of you are walking in a forest. She's wearing my locket around her neck," she paused for a moment, "She has long waist length brown hair and matching eyes and even her name is beautiful. She's wearing green. And I've seen that she will capture your soul."

Mother gently brushed her thumb against my cheek, and all the memories of my human life came rushing back in a roar. Real me screamed in agony as they untangled with a crunching noise from my greedy immortal starving and confused mind. All of a sudden, I remembered what it felt like to love my human Parents and to be truly loved in return. Now I remembered what romantic love was supposed to feel like as a human, although I knew just knew that I had not experienced that longing during my mortal years.

"Oh Edward, I know you'll meet her, and something tells me I need to give this to you now." Her eyes puddled with tears. Now you will understand, son. Go to her." She ruffled my hair with her fingers one last time and vanished as my arms reached out in desperation for my Mother's comforting embrace.

And I realized that I felt genuine love for my family now both human and inhuman. From my human Mother's mind, I had gleaned the exact image of Bella on the day I had left her before the ugly words had flown from my maw. I now understood how foolish I had been in underestimating my sentiments for her. My mind wailed that I had thrown her away like wheat on the wind. But life could give me a second chance. Sister Claire said so. Bella was such a forgiving soul. She had even been nice to Lauren. I had misunderstood my Mother's comment about putting my needs subservient to that of my love because Victoria's gift had made me feel blood lust. And I now realized that I loved my Bella with all my being and what little remained of my pathetic soul. I ranted and rocked back and forth calling myself a thousand times a fool.

Centuries old Me realized my Mother had seen her death in that moment and had tried to prepare me. Human Me at the time had not understood. But I knew she was right. I knew that I loved fiercely with a fire that burned from the embers of my tattered being. I would rise from the ashes. I had to hunt. Then I had to go and find my love. I had an awful lot of explaining to do and really, I couldn't wait to see her face. It had been too long.

Physically, I could no longer keep myself from my true love's side. Simply thinking those words made me laugh out loud in jubilation. I did not even mind when something smacked against the back of my head distracting me for but a moment. After months of anguish, I felt too happy to care. I had finally seen the light after crawling in the dark of the frigid unforgiving night. After over a century of pain, I had at long last discovered my one true love. My soul mate. I recalled Genevieve's last words through my Bella about soul mates and could not agree more. That delightful harridan had been right all along. I did not mind admitting that.

My mind switched back to a vision from the reservation. I saw smoke fuming in the air as buildings clearly burned despite the torrential rain that poured. My Bella stood at the edge of the cliff shivering with straightened shoulders eerily like when I had left her all those months ago. It was winter, I thought, not sure of the exact date, or month for that matter, where was her coat? I had purchased two new ones for her after the orchard ordeal and had ordered them delivered to her Father's house. This couldn't be real. This had to be a hallucination because she appeared terrible. Her face was hollow. She stepped towards the edge, the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I cried at her to stop. Something snapped in my brain. I ignored it, concentrating on Bella pleading with her not to jump. She tilted her head to the side shaking it sadly. She whispered, "I have no more tears left to cry for you."

_'Wait,' _I cried in my mind. I didn't say anything to her, but I heard a sibilant voice pleading with her to back away from the cliff's edge, that she could not do this to her family.

I shouted over it, "Please, my love, don't, I'm begging you listen to me. I love you with all my heart."

Liam must be sending me this to torment me. I knew she was fine, probably sleeping in her bed right as rain. Something smacked against the back of my head forcing me back into the vision. I could smell blood in the air as venom painfully flowed into my withered mouth. The scent of her blood pooling under her skin struck me. I could see utter exhaustion in her red-rimmed brown eyes. She had a new scar on her right hand. I couldn't see the pendant around her neck. Searching her form with my eyes, I saw it dangling from her fingers as she took it and stuffed it in her pants pocket.

"Sometimes you have to do hard things for those you love." She paused, shut her eyes and muttered, "But you wouldn't understand anything about that, now would you?"

"Bella what are you talking about? Step back from the edge. Now!" I roared. The birds on her were barely visible. And they squatted on her body doing nothing.

The male voice talking to her in soothing tones sounded nothing like mine but she treated it as if it were. How odd. It insisted that she needed to wait for it and that it was on its way for her and that it loved her. I could see the necklace glowing brightly through her pants, pulsing like a heart.

For one fleeting moment, Bella's features curled into a parody of a smile, "Perhaps one day when you are older and wiser, someone will teach that to you. I hope for her sake she's not human."

Her words tore at my conscience. I deserved every one, but she would never try to kill herself. My chess champion Bella was far too strong for that. She had seemed fine when I had left her and I most certainly had tried to break her. If she could survive that, with such grace and composure after all that she'd been through, she could live through anything, I reasoned. I had to get back to her side to beg. I'd find out for sure that she was well. It would not take me long to get there, merely a few days if I ran. I had human money. I'd fly. It was time to splurge. And I most certainly increased my pace.

I sprinted to southeast pleading for the Quileute powers. This time, they answered. I could be there in a few hours if I ran fast. I could catch a flight from Houston.

Bella sounded so heartbroken her words sliced through me like vampire knives. I saw her glance back at something over her shoulder calmly and say "I'm nothing more than an ordinary dull human girl. You have overestimated my value. Don't you think if they cared they would have come? It's been months. And I'm keeping my side of our bargain." Her face looked; if possible, even worse than it did on that day I had left. She acted as if she'd been thrown to the wolves. I had passed through Lake Charles and was on my way to Beaumont as I begged the Quileute powers to increase my pace. After months of silence, to my surprise, again they answered.

What was she talking about? She was safe in Forks. Nothing bad would happen there. My mind said so. My powers hadn't warned me of any thing bad. This had to be wrong. Grace hadn't seen a thing. Then again, my pet hadn't communicated with me since the day I broke my Bella's heart, and made what I appreciated in that moment a horrible mistake. But still. I entered Channelview, Texas on a mission, ignoring the hurricane around me huffing in annoyance as the airports - all of them in Houston - had been closed. I had reached her side in times of turmoil before, and I could do it again. I didn't need the fake visions to spur me.

I heard a squeaky male voice I could not see pleading with another in Oscan at vampire pitch. This was not the voice that had been crooning to my beloved. "The take over of the North American covens from the Volturi control is on track to happen three weeks from now. We've spent months on your personal mission and have had no success. If they valued her, they would have come by now. We have to find Jasper, he's integral to the plan."

"That's what I've been doing," hissed a voice that sounded an awful lot like Victoria.

"But it's not working. We have to consider that he might be in Alaska having gone to ground. All the troops we've sent up there have failed to report anything back and could be dead for all we know. We have to go personally. You know what she'll do if we don't report having him by now."

"They'll come. I know it. They have to. That little one can see the future. She said so."

"The human is no good to us dead. Why don't we just turn her to save her life and hold her hostage? We have to find the algae so the Vancouver coven no longer has their power over the other covens. They clearly valued her at some level as they've left guards and marked her."

I could not make out the conversation at that point. Things became confused.

Then I heard a snarl and Bella gasped. I felt agony rip through my body and realized that what I saw really was happening, and what would have been slightly stinging to me was murderously cruel to her. I smelled her blood as pain ripped through my shoulder. I could only see her face as it was transfigured in agony and she sucked in a gasp and bit through her lip, and fell to her hands and knees on the ground panting. The sound of fighting occurred behind her out of my view. The Fitz Flock exploded from her body snarling. All would be well. They would protect her until I could arrive.

I saw blood running down her chin and she did not seem to notice. Something had hurt my dear little one. Screaming I ran straight through San Antonio. I might have howled a time or two. I was so panicked I forgot to go to the airport and continued running, believing I'd reach her in time. After all, I'd done it before against all odds. It was now time to pull out that whole spirit walking trick. I closed my eyes and prayed to the Quileute spirits for their aid. They made me run faster instead in physical form. I whined that I needed to be in Washington State, so they ignored me. And they assiduously assisted me in having improved vision of the view of my beleaguered Bella.

In all the miserable years of my existence, I have never encountered anything as haunting as the glimpse I caught of my beloved's face. I shouted at her, "Please sweetheart, you need to back away from the edge slowly." Perched daintily on the precipice, for an eternity she ignored me, her stare fixed on the horizon. And then she ripped the beating heart from my body by ignoring my pleas and those of that irritating smooth talking male who kept pestering her to wait for him. I knew rationally she would never jump, recalling her terror of open water. I knew her better than anyone else.

Holding herself like a sprinter before a race, with blood dribbling down her face, she cast herself into the air with a smile of relief on her face. Then it transformed into a mask of hopelessness as she plunged through the air. I saw her plummet into the water feet first while I screamed at her to fight and to swim. And to his credit, the other male voice shouted in horror as well. Those damn birds were no where to be seen, the cowards. My legs tried to kick for her. I summoned every reserve of Quileute power and begged Grace to save her as I continued to pound away at the distance, the miles disappearing beneath my frantic feet. I heard nothing in response. Summoning every power I could in the area I prayed to the Quileute spirits to save the life of the one before me, the one who had been adopted into the tribe in a bonding ceremony symbolized by her charm bracelet.

At that moment my heart started, patterning itself after her uneven rate. As her heart slowly stopped I felt it in my own chest, howling in rage and screaming my denial to the mocking heavens. I could see her face as she struggled without oxygen throwing her arms back, not even fighting to reach the surface. She had this mask of pure horror, and seemed frozen. Pain lanced through my chest as I felt her suffocating, my chest burning, my lungs in agony, moment by moment. There was blood in the water around her body. Her pendant lit the water around her offering me a ringside seat.

Earnest prayers to a God I had long ago ceased to believe cared stumbled from my lips as I heard Bella's heartbeat struggle and fight and stubbornly beat and then slowly stop with a mournful thud in less than two minutes. There were no words to describe the rending of the remnants of my being as I spied the still features of her face in the depths of the Pacific and her open mouth.

Those expressive eyes I had worshiped from afar remained fixed and open and dull as life left them. I knew in that moment with every fiber of my being that she had perished. A powerful current smashed into her body sending it twirling like a child's metal jack spinning round and round, and dragged it downward into the inky depths of the Pacific's cruel embrace. I collapsed to the ground sobbing in Sonora with the sensation that my very body had been ripped asunder. I had never felt any pain that could equate. I would have cheerfully sat through two hundred years of Vision Jasper's hell with ten times the pain of my transformation added in for good measure and considered myself lucky. The realization that she was eternally gone and that I had been powerless to stop it slammed into me. I had left her vulnerable in the first place and she had died at her own hand alone and abandoned feeling that no one loved her. My glowing hands mocked me.

My phone - Ron's phone - whatever - suddenly turned green and rang. The number on the screen indicated it was Mother. She was returning my call. And I needed her to tell me this was not the truth. She should be in Forks by now. All should be well.

The reception was hideous. After a long pause she gasped, "Son, Bella's . . dead we need hurry---"

The phone died in my hands along with my hope.

I threw my head back into the air and wailed, scaring only the snakes. I felt things shatter and the soil rocking beneath my feet and did not care how far it went as I threw my torment out into the world. Nothing mattered any more.

Starched Shirt Edward broke his silence and began rocking and weeping and saying "This was our fault and our dear little one will burn in the eternal flames of hell because of our stupidity."

He curled into a fetal position on the floor in front of the library. I could smell the salty tears as they rolled down his cherubic cheeks. He literally screamed as his face flamed red, veins standing out on his forehead. He acted as if he was being personally tortured. Heaving, after a few moments he crawled on the floor toward the prayer bench and fell face first in a heap onto the kneeler. He sobbed his arms reaching out in vain for the icon. The force of his landing slammed the prayer bench against the wall, shaking the icon of the Blessed Mother from the wall. It fell and shattered into smithereens on the wooden floor before our astonished eyes.

"This is on our soul. This is on our soul. Lord have mercy on that sweet girl. We failed her. We are most definitely going to burn in hell for what we did." He crawled for a few paces then collapsed shoulders shaking in his grief, fingers cut on the shards of the icon.

The Predator Jugurtha who had been silent all these months emerged from the library. He wiped away his own tears. Without a word or glance, Jugurtha walked toward his cave, and scooped Starched Shirt Edward into his arm as he passed. He said nothing to me because there absolutely was not a thing he could say that would hurt me more than I already felt. Both stopped speaking to me months ago when I had ignored them. Now the true hell began. I saw the drops of Starched Shirt Edward's blood shining against the beeswax of the floor, reminding me of her mortality.

God started tormenting me. He wanted to rub it in, that he had offered me paradise and in my pride I had spurned it. I heard an unfamiliar voice whisper wondrously that she still lived. Then I saw Skeevy's, armed to the fangs angry face in the vision. And that couldn't be right, either. His eyes were deep green. Forget his eyes, and to hell with Skeevy. Bella was gone. Fate was simply trying to torment me as I justly deserved.

But I knew better. I had heard her last heartbeat and the uneven rate as she had died. And I knew the sound of her heart like no other on the earth. I had wailed an impotent lullaby as her heartbeat had slowly ceased before my incredulous eyes. Clawing into the earth, I needed something warm to touch to feel her arms, her body, her scent; I needed it like air to a human. And slowly, I felt its lack as the sand flowed through my fingers. And her face had looked so horrible, wan, thin, exhausted and most important of all: lifeless.

My world ended in a second and everything came into focus as time stood still. I could not even comprehend for a moment that my priceless Bella had taken her own life. She had been so strong and brave, fearless even. Except for water. But still.

This was the woman who knowing me for the beast that I was had sheltered me in her arms pretending to be ignorant of my nature. She had risked her life to embrace me that night as I had wept. She'd feigned ignorance as I glowed green to give me my pride. This was the selfless one who had risked driving icy encrusted roads in the pitch black snowstorm to fetch medication for her ailing father - a father who ignored her. This was the tenacious woman who still loved me even when I shattered her body and almost took her life trying in vain to protect her from harm when we were attacked by James and Phoenix. This was the woman I had arrogantly decided could never really love me well enough to meet my lofty immortal standards. This was the woman that in my hubris, I had thrown to the vicious hands of Fortune without a second thought, blithely whistling as I had departed town.

My lips moved, yet no words emerged, as I rocked back and forth, hands cradling my skull, screaming in torment. Everyone had their limits. I knew I could no longer continue enduring this life, and never even tried to talk myself out of that decision. My religious upbringing dictated that suicides went straight to hell. Ironically, the soul I had vaingloriously felt destined to save I had instead damned with my damned nature.

I dared to hope God would see fit to spare her as responsibility for her demise could be laid solely at my feet. I planned on begging Him to allow me to accept her punishment along with my own so she could be welcome in heaven. As my forehead touched the hard ground, another notion struck me. I had to kill the rest of the people who were after Mary Alice before I could die. And I had sufficient motivation now. My family hated me. They wouldn't take me back. But I could give my life for them, too. And this time, I really meant it. I had sufficient motivation.

I had found it deeply poetic that Mary Alice had predicted I would be begging to die. Clearly, she had seen this and that meant she knew my brothers would be able to care for their mates. I was completely useless to the Cullens. For that matter, I brought nothing but death and pain to the Masen name as well. It was time for me to take responsibility for my exponentially expanding litany of sins. Without a doubt, the world would be a better place without me polluting it. After all, I had killed a magnificent creature with the purest soul I had ever met. My Bella. And countless others. I deserved this. At long last, I now understood that I had casually annihilated the very thing that I most loved in the world. I had ignored Sister Claire's advice. And I could not go on without Bella, but I had to make amends. I had to protect her and them one last time. My life might not be worth much, but it was the only gift I had left to give.

Using all my speed left, I ran to the southeast, ignoring the hurricane that literally blew the trees and houses to tinder around me. Once I reached the Gulf of Mexico, I knew what I needed to do. I had to feed to give me enough energy to carry out my task. So I hunted, hating every second of it, not even bothering to hide the bodies of the animals in the zoo. I stopped at three HEB grocery stores and raided their butcher shop before running to the beach. As I stood on the sand, I threw my bag aside; I had no need of it now. I crushed the cell phone that had conveyed the news literally killing the messenger. Jumping into the warm embrace of the water for a heart breaking moment I remembered the feel of her arms as they lay against my skin. I could have sworn I smelled her. And that's when I weakened in my resolve.

I'm ashamed to admit I had a moment where I lost my mind. I found myself forgetting about the rescuing Mary Alice and the family from our enemies part and just wanted to jump straight to the dying part. I'd join my love in death. Carlisle, hadn't _really_ tried after all when he described his suicide attempts to me; he most likely had made half-hearted attempts. With the aid of my human powers and my occasionally functioning heart, I vowed I could get the job done. My heart could start beating again after all this power use it most definitely would and I'd be ready. I swam frantically to the Puerto Rico Trench, the deepest spot in the Atlantic Ocean. Surely 8, 381 meters, or five point two miles, would accomplish it combined with the pressure. Carlisle had only tried in a teensy pond or two in England and the Thames. The stench alone from that river probably kept him alive. I had determination and motivation and time and no one left that I wanted to burden with my presence. Feeling eerily serene now that my decision had been made, I swam to the bottom of the trench and sat and waited cowering in the dark to die alone as I deserved.

Five hours later I realized it would not work despite my summoning of every power I remembered. When I needed them most, the Quileute powers taunted me, preserving my life rather than hastening my longed for release. And I screamed, frightening away the sea creatures that had come out to stare at me. I groveled before the Almighty and begged Him to take my pitiful life. As usual, He ignored me. I deserved His disregard now. Sobbing, banging my fist impotently against the ocean floor, I hit against a rock and immediately the yellow tufa stone of Italy came to mind from the painting in Carlisle's office. I had to summon help for my family and Mary Alice. Then I could die. I had to confess my sins. I still had family in Italy. They just didn't know it yet. I had to protect them, too. From rebellion.

The Volturi would help me. They owed Carlisle. And Jane and Alec and I were related. Besides, I could just threaten to attack a school like Los Angeles if they didn't go after the red-eyed people. This would be much simpler. I'd ask them to see justice and pursue Victoria and Phoenix since I was so inept as well and couldn't be trusted to accomplish simple tasks like keeping a single human alive.

Starched Shirt Edward stayed locked away with Jugurtha weeping. Since they weren't there I had to call on the only voice I had left. I had stuffed him away years ago and had tried to pretend he never existed. And he ran into my weary embrace once I released him. To really get the job of killing done, I needed the demon from Chicago. He did not have a physical form like Starched Shirt Edward or Jugurtha, and I certainly hadn't given him a name. Black formless smoke is how he appeared in my mind, thick and choking when close. He stood back in respect when I requested it so we could think. And I did listen to his whispered suggestions. I had to listen to someone. Even Hezekiah had abandoned me.

As I rocked back and forth trying to endure the next ten seconds, I kept seeing my Mother's enchanted face as she described Bella to me. Then I would see Future Bella and Future Me from Mary Alice's vision, leaning against the tree staring at one another in adoration. Next, I would see my sneering face as I hurled verbal missiles designed to cause maximum damage at her flailing body. The final rusty nail in my crucifixion came when I heard her voice saying, _"Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't matter. You do. To me. And to your family." _

When I heard her laughing, and tracing my face with her finger as she said in wonder, _"My Grandmother told me when I met the man that I would love, the earth would move when we first kissed. She told me that's how I would know he was the one," _well, then I simply broke down and abandoned myself to tears and the unending hell my life had now become. Earlier I had complained that I lived a Sisyphean-like existence. And I had been wrong, because I could not endure losing her again and again and again, in reality, or in my mind, now that she'd perished. I'd have to change my Fate.

I would decimate every last one who was after my family. Just as soon as I finished crying. I had nothing left to lose, after all. And they had never seen vengeance like I had in mind. I did have, after all, a rather vivid imagination. And years of patience. From far away, I heard a voice whisper, _'To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.'_

Wiping my eyes, hours later I resolved as I swam towards the surface, I'd show them tears. I'd show them all. They had definitely messed with the wrong Cullen. They had taken Bella Cullen from me. School was back in session. I felt power the likes of which I'd never experienced surging into my body as I swam toward the sunlight embracing the smoke-like being mentally with my arms. I remember the words of that weasel Machiavelli: "Men ought either to be indulged or utterly destroyed, for if you merely offend them they take vengeance, but if you injure them greatly they are unable to retaliate, so that the injury done to a man ought to be such that vengeance cannot be feared."

As I burst through the surface and turned eastward and swam I vowed to prove him right. I was most definitely going to deliver serious injury to covens galore. Every second that Victoria lived without Jasper was torture, so I'd figure out how to torment her in earnest later. I had priorities. Starting now. First, I had to warn the Volturi, and procure aid for my family. Then as the pieces from the confounding cliff side conversation and the various visions fell into place in my mind, I was going to find that head of the hydra, Maria. She definitely had it coming. Her little brother, too. The voices in my head said so.

* * *

**AN: I know. I know. I want his testicles on a pitchfork as well and I wrote the damn chapter. While I wanted to split them up, I decided to make Edward sanctimonious in an entirely different way, and for other reasons. He really has convinced himself that because their relationship does not resemble that of his mated siblings that he can never have "true love." And he thinks he's been kidding himself because it would only be a matter of time before Bella realized what pond scum he is and left him for a boy with a pulse. Or, his vampire nature kicked in thanks to the examples of Eve and Annie, and he left her for an immortal. And he has the image of Liam willfully going to his death after forty years with Eve haunting him. Because Edward can't believe that anyone could ever love him, he's attributing Bella's devotion to the results of a childhood crush on a picture from Ephraim's journal, the impact of his vampire charms, and her inexperience. Also, his dream with his human mother influences his decision because she says when he met his true love, he would instinctively put his needs second to hers - and that whole trying to drink her blood while wounded in his mind proved that he did not do that. Tanya and the newborns played a role in pointing out that they had never had a successful relationship with any human. Then there's the little problem that his newborn wolfpire emotions got the best of him due to nerves and he lost his temper with Bella when he spewed what he believed to be the truth to her. **

**And just so you know, Esme was not calling him to tell him that Bella was dead or not dead. You'll find out more on that later.**

**And presently, CC Edward has no idea how sorry he's going to be. But he does, on the bright side, fully understand that he loves Bella Swan. And he's made some leaps of logic there at the end that I've hinted at in past chapters. If they don't make sense to you now, they will soon. Promise. **

**You'll see Edward and Bella in the same room next chapter. She's alive.**

**

* * *

Research Notes:  
**

**For more on Tibetan Mastiffs and their history – they are a fascinating breed: ****http://www (dot) akc (dot) org/breeds/tibetan_mastiff/history (dot) cfm**

**This is a full grown Tibetan Mastiff: http://www (dot) tibetan-mastiffs (dot) net/gallery/slides/Tanjur (dot) jpg**

**This is what the puppy looks like: http://www (dot) tibetan-mastiffs (dot) net/images/rosiedaughters (dot) jpg**

**This is what Edward reads about the breed that send him through the ceiling: http://www**** (dot) tibetanmastiff (dot) org/HTMLfiles/Breedfacts/whytmisnotforyou (dot) htm**

**That stat on the death rate of un-neutered males was not made up, sadly: http://dogs (dot) suite101 (dot) com/article (dot) cfm/neutering_and_spaying_ones_dog**

**Paul's letter to the Corinthians makes for interesting reading: http://www**** (dot) drbo (dot) org/chapter/53013 (dot) htm**

**Penelope was the wife of Odysseus, and attained legendary status for her fidelity to him during the years he was away fighting the Trojan War, a tale penned by Homer. Not the Simpsons' Homer. Think a wee bit older: http://classics (dot) mit (dot) edu/Homer/odyssey (dot) html**

**Panis Angelicus – is a Latin song that means "Oh Lord Most Holy." This is a boy's choir performing it. It's usually sung at communion during mass, or as a solo by a tenor at a secular performance. So Edward singing it while killing – odd. Very odd. Ron was right.**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=Fr9Do5ZxPZA**

**HEB is an awesome grocery store chain in Texas. I recommend their brand of Strawberry Preserves. And Apple Strudel Bread. **

**http://www (dot) heb (dot) com/welcome/index (dot) jsp**

**Suicide is not a subject I take lightly. Here are the warning signs: http://www (dot) suicidepreventionlifeline (dot) org/**

**The deepest part of the Atlantic Ocean is the Puerto Rica Trench: http://oceanexplorer (dot) noaa (dot) gov/explorations/03trench/welcome (dot) html**

**The childhood game of jacks, the metal pieces spinning through the air, was an image I used in the story. It's a great game for kids:**

**http://www (dot) ehow (dot) com/how_2964_play-jacks (dot) html**

**The Prince by Machiavelli is always a fun read. Gianni the Groper gives it two thumbs up: http://www (dot) classicallibrary (dot) org/machiavelli/prince/index (dot) htm**

**

* * *

  
**

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward and Bella have a little spat. Jewelry is exchanged. He leaves in a huff. And behaves like the apotheosis of an asshole. Chasing after Victoria proves harder than he thought, and Edward slowly has adjustment issues due to that whole leaving the love of his life problem. He stops to say hello to several covens. And Goodbye. Genevieve, Liam, Hezekiah, Sitting Bull, and Teddy Roosevelt all take turns schooling Edward until he finally, thanks to the help of his human Mother, sees the light. Timely, too.**

**This is the part where I have to remind you of the beginning arc. I can't kill her. Pfft. For long. So you know she's going to be ok, right? Right? And you also know that they get back together. Right? I don't believe in needless angst and get irritated at authors who either drag it out or add it in to give a story legs. You will see them in the same room together in the next chapter. Promise. ****And if I can give you something to think about. Re-read the break up scene. Notice his words. He meant every single one of them. How do you sweet talk your way out of **_**that**_**? Cause CC Bella is not a doormat. ****And think of just how awkward it's going to be for Edward saying, "Um, Sorry."**

**Since this is my first fanfiction, it has been a humbling experience trying out genres. I've tried my hand at suspense, mystery, romance, and now angst. You'll have to let me know how I did with the angst part. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Closing Song: Sick Cycle Carousel by Lifehouse:**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=rWOZWRC5f1Q&feature=fvw**

**http://static (dot) panoramio (dot) com/photos/original/7234202 (dot) jpg**

**This is sunrise off of South Padre Island, Texas**

**

* * *

  
**

**Starched Shirt Edward is having a really tough time, Jugurtha, too. Both need some consolation. Douglas says he wouldn't touch Edward's nuts even if he was starving. Please review. **


	47. HOD pt 36 Ok So I'm Only Inhuman

**http://www (dot) warrenwilliams (dot) co (dot) nz/2009/AUG_1110 (dot) jpg**

**The picture above is taken in Sardania, but I liked it for this chapter. It's by a photographer named Warren Williams. You should check his stuff out. He's good.**

**So I took a little while to post this. Sue me. Kidding. I got a little carried away with researching this section, and did not want to post during NM's premiere weekend. **

**Thanks so much for reading. Seriously. I appreciate each and every one of you. There is less angst in this chapter. No sniffling allowed. **** Main Edward said so. It might make some a little misty-eyed in some sections. **

**I've just started reading Unto a Heart of Stone by JackieJones. I love it. If you're looking for a new story you might want to give it a read.**

http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5487679/1/Unto_a_Heart_of_Stone

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. **

**And to Alicedances for being my junior validating beta.**

**Thanks as well to Fantasy Mother and Alicedances for beta-ing this chapter.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Many, Many thanks to everyone for reading.  
**

**Shout outs to my muses: pomme_de_terre, summerc79, APM, BellaS, blue2185, squarepancake, SueBob, MusicAngel107, smiles, lovebooks, katrela, M Logan, June, Rogue, Robs_Muse, Killeen, sariedee, oncebitten, agirl2224, Fitten, Cullen Concession, notmyself, twifam1, elphabacy35, vwbuggin1, Rgwmnks, MsLessa, CindyWindy, Lady Dragona, lisamackb, Kaydence, TraceyJ, JaJiTaXx, fanficreader83, DisneyVampire, sexysadie13, superstarrh, Merrisol, Zen Nashton, twibrarian88, Miss Poison, lovelifeX2, , gemkay, austexfan, KayRad816, Forest Sentry Koneji, Antipyro, Mizra, ldybnny, TwilightMomlfTwo, codelina, jmolly, writz, I was born a unicorn, dida123, mahitabella, luv4edwardcullen, Viridis73, HarlemBella, prettyflour, Mutt N. Feathers, LJ Summers, TermiteSH, dellatwi, favludo, DawnStimson, PJ Austin, jenejes, Miss Poison, and Cullen Pearl.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Songs for this chapter: **

**Fisher: I Will Love You:**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=imzkwkgUF4E**

**Sarah McLachlan: When She Loved Me:**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=fo2w5HPZTHA&feature=related**

**Toto with Michael McDonald: I'll be Over You:**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=Q6QpuuTwgSk**

**

* * *

  
**

**Snarky Summary:  
**

**Edward: Bella, I'm a deceitful jackass. I fooled you. *Sniff. Sniff. Ahhh* Fare----**

**Bella: Take your Mama's necklace and ring and stick it where the Easter bunny doesn't roller skate. Oh, and you suck at chess. Don't let the screen door hit you on the way out.**

**Fake Canadian Boorish Big Guard: Beat it, Sparky. *growls. Grabs sword.* (The real one, thank you. **_**The metal one**_**. Perverts.)**

**Edward: *Furrows brow. Scratches head. Says to Bella* "I have never sucked on a chess piece." *thinks*(**_**Or any kind of sword, you degenerates.)**_** *pinches bridge of nose* **_**I don't understand women.**_** *runs away* *calls over shoulder to Fake Canadian Boorish Big Guard* "And my name is not Sparky. Ignoramus." *leaves in self-righteous huff of galactic stupidity.***

**Edward wanders alone on a mission to track down Victoria and her goons. He kinda sorta has a hard time doing so, although he makes loads of new friends and attends lots of bonfires. Various members of the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes take turns instructing Edward in the fine art of going home. Teddy Roosevelt has a bat to pick with him. Actually, a tree. And I don't mean to brag…..but his is definitely bigger than Edward's. Speaking of our clueless boy meander, Edward has all sorts of confusing dreams while starving to undeath. Genevieve stops by to send her best. Liam, too. Edward has a revelation that he really truly does love that stinking in all the right ways dull human girl. Golly Gee. His beloved Mother was right, after all. He gets his human memories back. Emotions, too. Our not so young lover can't wait to see her and try to earn back her forgiveness. If she's nice to Lauren Mallory surely he has a chance. Or not.**

**He can't believe his eyes. Or his heart. But he does.**

**He sulks at the bottom of the Atlantic for a while after having a proper nervous breakdown, before vowing vengeance galore. And so we begin. **

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Thirty-Six – Ok, So I'm Only Inhuman.**

I could have imagined it, but I could have sworn I saw Sister Claire's face floating above me, leading me to the sun. Breaking the water's surface, I began to catalog the lists of things I had to do. Without Jugurtha, it proved ever so difficult remembering things. The other voice, the demon from Chicago, sibilated he would help, but he did not have real hands, so he could not hold a planner. He said we had to clear our schedule because this was a challenging type of prey we hunted. Right. Excellent. Good man. Er, entity. Whatever. I kicked a few sharks that mistakenly thought I would make a good lunch. Whatever happened to predatorial professional courtesy?

That was about the time my traitor heart decided to commence beating. I wailed as I sank in the water and saw the sharks that had not been kicked by yours truly turning back round. After deciding I did not want to die, NOW it decides to start functioning and drown me? And have me chomped on by fish? Ok. Fine. I totally deserved a moronic death like this, I spat out saltwater, but it would have been nice to at least have the chance to save the Cullens, the Denalis, and even the trampire newborns. Instead Fate lets me die out here having only partially achieved my goals, the vampire version of Walter Mitty, marginality galore. The world was most definitely not over-run with justice lately. After I finished drowning, I would have to remind myself to file a complaint with the cosmos.

Knowing I could not forestall the inevitable did not make me struggle any less, as I battled to remain awake and floating sans shark teeth. Thrashing about in the water like a trapped fish resisting the relentless pull of the fisherman's line, I could not help but think of the poignant irony – my one true love had died by water, and now I, too, would perish in the unforgiving clutches of Poseidon's realm. The last thing I remember thinking was how her frail form flailed about, spinning like a whirlwind, followed by her lifeless face.

It felt like I floated in the air observing events like a ghost. I could see, smell, taste, and hear, but not interact with anyone. I saw my family being attacked by Phoenix and an army of about thirty immortals armed only with sharp teeth. A shirtless Jasper appeared well….he did not have that calm in a crises demeanor. Considering his era's norms, him walking about without a proper top was absolutely scandalizing. He had that, 'I am about to explode in rage and kill everyone in the State and have loads of fun doing, it too,' kind of expression that sent one or two of his enemies beating a hasty retreat and running for the hills. Wearing ragged clothing, Father, Mother, Rosalie, Emmett, and Mary Alice were all involved in shooting arrows at Phoenix and the approaching horde. It did not surprise me that Phoenix stayed out of range as he seemed to fear that someone in the family had power that could harm him. From my limited perspective, I could see that the sides were almost evenly matched in terms of numbers. Mother appeared to be barely holding her own, exhausted, too. I could see another group approaching the fight. Led by Aaron, on my family's left flank. This was bad, this was very bad. Mary Alice looked me straight in the eye and mouthed, "Help," before someone pounced upon her. The last thing I heard was her scream.

I opened my eyes to find myself face down on a cold stone floor that appeared all too familiar, trying not to cry out in response and save my sister. Clearly, that could not have been real. Fate could not take both her and Bella in the same day along with the rest of my family. I must be hallucinating. Or not.

Someone with a small foot tentatively nudged my ribcage and rolled me over. I spat water to the side and found myself staring into the narrowed eyes of the Violet Gorgon. She appeared her usual disagreeable self. Marvelous. Not her. She was most definitely not marvelous.

"Pardon me." I mopped up the water on the floor with my soaking wet sleeve. Regurgitating in front of gently bred women was rude. Not that she counted as female. But still. I had manners. Even if I was insane. Had I been sane, I might have aimed for her slippered feet. Maybe. There were eight stone-featured guards standing behind her and four servants in the room. I could not recall ever having felt this cold, even as a human in the winter of Chicago. Peering about, I wondered where Hezekiah was. He had, after all, accompanied me the last time I had been here.

"Your elder will not be joining us. I have not invited him." That meant she had found some way of blocking Hezekiah, or he no longer cared what happened to me, or she could read my mind. I certainly deserved his disdain. I showed no reaction. But I certainly thought a few foul thoughts about her temperament, ancestry, and progeny. Just in case. Since she did not dismember me on the spot, I figured the mind-reading dealio definitely was not her skill.

Ron, the vampire I had killed in Texas, must have been right. Even in the spiritual plane, I suspect I reeked. This surprised me, because I thought that Arria or Young to Me Old Power had erased my scent. That meant she, too, had stripped me of her protection, yet I still had the birds on my palms. Odd. Very odd. The Gorgon sniffed in disdain, fanned at the air in front of her highborn nose, and promptly stopped breathing. There were benefits to this stinking business. FitzSinister and FitzLuck gazed on the Gorgon with adoration, the bastards. Had they been able to speak, I suspect they would have groveled for an autograph. She pointedly ignored them.

Her wry voice sounded. It would never cease to surprise me how glacially cold I felt every time she spoke. "Youngling." She paused and scrutinized me head to toe as if trying to decide where to first begin beating me. I could easily imagine her muttering, 'Decisions, decisions' to herself in highborn Oscan. Carlisle had said the more powerful the immortal, the darker the power, and this woman emitted dark purple light that in places almost appeared black. Aside from her, of course, I had never met an immortal this old, and remembering my manners, tried not to stare. She was every bit as well preserved as the Denali sisters, despite beating Tanya hands down in the crazy department.

"Madam, am I in Hell?"

"Why would you speak so?" She offered the same beggar's pittance of a smile as her daughter had at the Clearwater residence.

"Because you are here. And only Satan would be cruel enough, after the day I have endured, to put me in a room with you."

"Who is Satan?" She genuinely did not know that name as she looked to her guards who all shrugged. "What clan claims him? I know of no place called Hell."

Add ignorant to her list of disagreeable qualities. It would have been rude to say, "Hey, fancy lady, ever heard of a little book called the Bible?" So I thought it, instead.

"You could call him a powerful immortal who hunts humans. No clan claims him."

"Oh, I know nothing of him," she dismissed metaphorical Satan, his minions, and brimstone with a haughty sneer. "You appear to have lost your way. What are you doing in the middle of the large water?"

"I am seeking vengeance on behalf of my . . . dea . . . ," I could not finish that word, ". . . bride." My voice cracked on that word. I had no right to call her such. In my shame, I could not meet the Gorgon's inquisitive gaze, "and attempting to gain aid for my … the Cullens."

"Aid for what? And what happened to the little human?" She actually sounded sincere. And alarmed. She snapped her fingers at an aide who fled the room.

Hanging my head, I did not answer. I could not speak of it. And she could not hurt me any more than I already was.

"Edward," she had never said my name before, "is Bella walking among the mortals?"

I shook my head, but could not utter the word, 'no.'

"Did you turn her?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head, 'no.' I did my best not to cry. I succeeded only because I suspect I had no tears left.

"Are you certain?" Her voice sounded eerily calm, like the period right before the hurricane struck. I knew she had used my bride's spirit as a way of searching for her children, but really, complaining about being inconvenienced by Bella's death just might make me snap and rip her to pieces. I wondered what was vibrating like that before I realized that my body shook like a Quileute before phasing. Biting my cheek, I barely kept from howling.

I held out my right palm. Despite having been in the ocean for hours, sand and dirt were crusted under my nails. She took it, and I sent her the vision that played in an infinite loop in my mind. I did not intend to, but she grabbed her chest as she experienced the pain I had felt when Bella had drowned. She wavered on her feet a moment before righting herself, and shook her head as if to clear it. Then I sent her the one with the Cullens being attacked.

"You do not know for certain." There was an undertone of steel in her words. Fine, live in denial, and I did not feel, at that particular moment in time, like debating her.

"I know in my….soul." That dark shadow that, I'm sure, was now entirely covered in pitch.

Four burly guards glided from the back of the room. She waved them towards me. "You will accept my hospitality. We will speak when you are rested."

Which would be never. And I assumed she was using the royal 'we', as I had no intention of saying anything further to the she-demon. I heard her barking orders in some language I could not understand as I left.

The stoic sentinels ignored the stench coming from me, although two of them appeared ready to vomit as they lifted me from the floor. As they grabbed my arms and frogmarched me from the room, I listened to their thoughts. Perversely, I took some sick pleasure in that – the foul odor part, not the frogmarching bit. Leaping into their minds, I could easily be mistaken for some mad prophet that had escaped from the Old Testament. I had a beard, bushy in places, thin in others, and my matted hair reached my shoulders.

They led me through narrow stone passages to a Roman bath. The guard to my immediate left thought I smelled worse than a herd of encrusted-with-odiferous-fecal-matter mountain goats left out in the heat of the day. The one to my right decided I smelled like those human garbage pits. Lovely. The other two really wanted to kill and burn me and whined that life was so unfair. They were going to have to scour the hallways after I passed to cleanse them. And I totally agreed with them on the unfair part.

One handed me a flagon. "Take."

I expected him to grunt at any moment and scratch himself under his arm. When he glowered and the other three joined, I sniffed at the contents, found them only slightly revolting, and drank the entire cup. Alas, it did not contain hemlock or any other poison. If it was supposed to have some kind of effect on me, I knew not. My mind still hurt every bit as much, replaying Bella's death in a continuous loop. The smoke voice told me to stop whining, because at least I could have a headache when my human was dead, and that I needed to study my surroundings so I could escape. He was right.

One of them tossed a wooden implement that had a curved end. I stared at it stupidly as it clattered to the floor and skidded to a halt at my feet.

As I stared at the wood, it reminded me of one of those peculiar dreams that had plagued me over the past few months. In it I saw the deep grain of a wooden table with a world map spread out over its surface, decorated with colored pins in locations across North, Central and South America; Europe as well.

"_What do you hope to accomplish with this mission?" A young voice asked._

"_Sending messages, my dear."_

"_Of what?"_

"_For Jasper to return. And for Eleazar to remain at his own home or lose his precious coven." _

"_You feel that threatened by Eleazar?" The young voice sounded incredulous. And affronted._

"_With his talent, he could build an army capable of causing us severe damage, and the Volturi know it and could summon him. He also is talented with the blades. Jasper taught me that it is one thing to fear and another to respect the enemy, brother mine. Eleazar's only weakness is his coven. I never defeated him on the battlefield."_

"_How many more covens are we going to frame?"_

"_Atlanta, New York, and Toronto are the strongest ones left standing that refuse to cooperate."_

"_It was rather ingenious of you to send Jasper's wife to find him in a separate group."_

"_I do not trust James. He has another agenda. I have not discovered it. But when I do, I'll have Phoenix crush him."_

"_Are we going to destroy the Volturi when we come to power?"_

"_No, dear, it's better to let them suffer and know they have no control in front of the rest of the covens. By the time I am done with them, they'll be completely powerless. Just you wait. I have a plan."_

"_But you said I would get to fight powerful immortals. And I want to fight them."_

"_Remember your promise?"_

"_Yes." He sounded like he sulked._

"_You must always remember it. I cannot have you near any of the Volturi ever. They kill immortal children."_

"_I'm not a child."_

"_But my precious, you were young in appearance for your age when I had to turn you."_

"_I was considered a man at that time," he sniped. "I had more than proven that."_

"_They would take one look at you and think you were younger. They would never stop to ask questions."_

"_But you don't let anyone else see me, either. Even our allies."_

"_Guillermo, do you remember the steps of what we did to the Los Angeles coven?_

"_Yes, first we spread a rumor they would riot. Then you set loose the newborn in that school right next to their house when you knew the Volturi guard was nearby. What of it?"_

"_I played on the Volturi's terror to make that scheme work. The clans might disagree on many things, but like the Volturi, they are all terrified of the legend of immortal children. I could not control them if they knew I had you in my life, once we take over. That is why aside from your squad, no one knows you exist. And I could never bear to lose you."_

"_I will be able to challenge the Volturi and earn my freedom when we seize the power of the lost legions."_

"_We need Jasper's little plaything to do that. All in good time. Good things come to those who wait and plan."_

I heard a gruff voice clearing his throat, which brought me back to the room with the Gorgon's minions.

The smallest goon took pity on me, the uncultured beast that I clearly was, and said haltingly, "It is a strigil. You put oil," he pointed at a clay container by the edge of the bath, "on your skin and scrape it off. Then you bathe."

I had read about them, even seen a few in history books, but holding one in my hand seemed surreal as I lifted it from the floor.

The soldiers muttered among themselves as I stood there in silence. One decided to take matters in his own hands and tore off my shirt. If he wanted the soiled garment that bad, well, I did not feel like fighting him over it. My pants, however, were another matter entirely. Indignant, I summoned the Quileute powers and they ignored me, as apparently they decided I reeked so badly they were not coming near me, either.

Holding the trousers at a distance while scrunching his nose in distaste, one of the guards pulled out a plastic bag from the pocket and said, "What is this?" as Mother's….I mean Bella's… locket fell out of the opened sack. When it landed on the stone floor it broke, scattering the pearls across the flagstones. Mother's diamond ring skittered across the room, end over end, landing at my feet like an accusing witness. The stone winked while pointing an indignant finger at me in the torchlight. The silver of the locket was tarnished. For such a small thing, it made such a loud noise when it hit the ground. My chest seemed on fire as my head started to throb. Everything began to become hazy then, as rage and grief competed for who could shout the loudest.

For an object so tiny, it packed the power of a leviathan. A vision of the last time Bella had held that ring slithered before me, winding its coils around my throat. Then I saw my human Mother's smile and brave face as she handed me the locket all those years ago, as she foretold how I would fall in love and one day offer this to Bella. And my eyes shut as I saw Bella spinning as if tied to a Catherine Wheel, buffeted by the currents through the inky waters of the Pacific. Summoning the powers was instinctual.

Standing in my undergarments and acting dignified was not, at the moment, a concern. I growled and immediately burst into flame, pulling my arms back, ready to … I was not sure what I intended at the moment. I only knew I wanted to kill him for touching that necklace, and the others for not preventing it. That was all I had left of Bella. My Mother, too.

For months, I had carried it with me in a sealed plastic bag to prevent Bella's scent from bothering me. The jewels represented a talisman to remind me of the honor I did, in fact, have; so said my human Mother, and of the woman Foolish, Foolish Me had thought I would one day meet. I had not taken it out of the bag even once, deranged vampire's honor. Seriously.

The men backed up, caution on their faces. Something icy tapped the middle of my back, below my left shoulder blade. Growling, I turned to find myself face to face with the Gorgon. Well, as much as someone of my height could get with someone that short. But still. I suppose she felt like round two, as dark purple light shimmered around her body and hands. And, of course, fate would have her be the first and, most likely, only woman who had ever seen me partially disrobed. Life was not supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be my Bella in front of me. Instead, she lay scattered on the floor at my feet.

To her credit and my astonishment, the Gorgon maintained eye contact with me and permitted me some dignity. "Youngling, I regret that my men were not careful. I will have this repaired. Help me collect the pieces to ensure it is done correctly."

Oh. Right. Good idea. I squatted on the floor beside her and picked the locket and the pearls up, the broken chain, too, and the ring, and deposited them into her cupped hands at wolfpire speed. As she rose from the ground, she handily blocked my ability to read her mind. But her eyes were not as cold as they usually were. The smoke voice warned me it was a ploy to take advantage of me when I least expected it.

As she walked away she said over her shoulder, "Bathe, Youngling. You reek of the sewers." Just to be mean she added a final command, "He needs his hair cut. And that face…." she tsked, "he can't go in front of them like that."

What kind of mother can not locate her own children? For centuries? And of all the immortals on the planet, why was she pestering me to find one? Obviously, she had immense power at her fingertips. Not to mention, now that she had been reunited with her semi-precious daughter, why did she not assign her the task? Odd. Very odd. The mother and daughter, both.

Green fire and all, the men kept a healthy distance from me, but made it clear they were not leaving the room. Apparently, one of them feared I might attempt something foolish, like take my life, from the broken expression on my face. Too late on that.

I presented my back to them and did my best with the oil and the wooden tool. The boxers stayed on, thank you very much. This caused much grumbling among the barbershop quartet of bathing doyennes until an elderly gnome-like man meandered into the room. "Child, you are doing this wrong."

He snatched the oil and strigil from my hands, and in a business-like manner, began using the tool on me, muttering about modern day immortals and their poor hygiene, snapping at the waistband of my shorts in his tirade. They stayed on, though. I did not protest when he gently pushed me toward the bath. I could not help but see Bella's face reflected back at me as I stepped into the warm water. She would never be cleansed from my putrid soul.

Speaking of filth, the grime took longer than expected to scour, especially the part trapped in my hair. Somewhere along the way, I had rolled in pitch, which clung to some locks, stubbornly. Once I was suitably covered by water, I surrendered the undergarment, which the men accepted at the point of a sword. They planned on immediately burning it, not caring about the sopping wet fabric part. The old man handed me drying cloths and presented his back so I could don the fresh clothing he offered. He glared at the others until they turned around, muttering about me being childish.

As I completed dressing, the elder pointed to a bench. A servant entered holding shears and a comb. I received my first haircut in over a hundred years under his critical eye. The servant man would shove my head one way and using shears created from the vampire swords, snipped away the gunk that screamed all the way down to the floor in protest, refusing to relinquish its death-like embrace on my hair. Reading their thoughts, I now had hair shorter than it had been in my human life.

When I was judged suitably clean, another servant handed me a glass of that foul substance, and I drank without complaint. It was not like they could harm me. That was when the servant carefully took out the razor. Only someone with my dumb luck would have a beard that grew in blond, considering I had drab red hair. God indeed had a sick sense of humor. The men thought the hair and beard clashing a sign that demons lived within me. They were right about the demon part, the smoke voice chortled. I did not feel like explaining to them that I had an anomaly on a melanocortin 1 receptor gene, because I was, in fact, nothing more than a massive mutation.

Wandering through the warren of passageways, they brought me to a small room that had wooden chairs. The Gorgon stood by hers. I waited until she sat to take my own.

"Speak," she ordered. So I did.

"There is a rebellion about to occur in North America against the Volturi, led by another lost coven. Maria Montenegro has been threatening coven leaders all across the region."

The name did not seem to register with her as one of importance. I sent her the mental image of Jasper's turning. And the Gorgon paused as she studied the features of the vampires she saw, which distracted me from showing her any more visions. She knew Maria by a different name, I guessed by her reaction and the muttered-like-a-curse, "Antigone."

She shook her head like a dog out of water before continuing as if unaffected. "How do you know she leads?" Her voice sounded as if I had told her the sky really was bright orange.

"Maria has ordered immortals to murder women who resemble relatives of my brother Jasper. She used him during the Southern Wars and apparently desires his services again."

"So rather than directly request his aid, she leaves bodies across the world? How pedestrian. And with that she plans on starting a rebellion?" She sniffed.

"It makes some sort of twisted logic to her, I imagine. Maria has been framing other covens so that the Volturi guard kills them and saves her the effort. She claims she's after the lost legions."

The Gorgon stilled. "You plan to journey to Italy?" She asked that so reasonably.

"I do."

"I will send men to accompany you. And some to Forks as well. I will see your family safe."

"You're a lost coven."

She merely raised a brow.

"You hate the Volturi."

She gave no answer for a full minute. "The sooner you are on your way, the sooner you can aid me in finding my lost son." Oh. Right. She sent me a mental picture of the dark-haired toddler that was Arria's twin. Unless someone had turned him at two, that would not help me much.

"His name is Rasce." Her voice softened.

"Why do you believe I can find him?" I did not ask why she believed him alive. Arria had survived, after all.

"You have the strength. I have felt it. I have seen it. We will leave this discussion for another day when you are in a better frame of mind." She said that so matter of factly. Little did she know I would never be in a better frame of mind. It simply was not possible. "You are late."

She actually ruffled her fingers through my hair as she stood, which was the oddest sensation. "Go, youngling. I will find your kith and kin." I remembered the last time she said that and stiffened. So, apparently, did she. "And you have my word I will not harm them." I was waiting for her to say, 'much,' yet she held her tongue. I did not tell her they were in Alaska. I could not trust her with that.

She put the repaired locket in my palm and closed my hand around it. That woman had skin so cold she could compete with an iceberg, and most likely win, ice caps down. I could feel the smooth metal and the scraping of the stone from the ring against my skin. Like the spiky ends of a morning star burrowing inside my flesh, the memory of the last time a woman had handed this to me crash-landed into my mind. Equal parts shame, remorse, and anguish ambushed me. I stared at my closed palm as if I clutched a deadly-even-to-me viper within it, afraid to release it in order to fight it, yet knowing I could not hold it captive forever. The Gorgon did not bother offering me a fare-thee-well.

If I had thought that Tibetan mastiff drool of Genghis the puppy smelled bad, it actually ranked above that of the bovine species. I woke up in a pasture with a cow licking my face. Groaning at the pain in my body, I barely managed to roll in time as another cow began to urinate where my body had been. At vampire speed, I leapt to my feet, swaying slightly. The cows seemed to realize all of a sudden they were in the midst of a predator or two and stampeded away.

I remembered the whispered directions Violet Gorgon had given me and turned at the sound of laughter. The four goons were there watching me. And they had brought about six hundred friends and associates, all armed to the teeth with vampire blades: the unscented vintage. They had not seen fit to arm me, worried I might try something moronic.

"I am Sorisi. We will make sure you arrive." From his mind, I smelled like any other non-lost-coven immortal. And my hands made him nervous as FitzSinister and FitzLuck were both in a foul temper. It took effort not to stare at the ornate venom tattoo on his temple.

With serenades of vengeance firing my mind, I ran to Rome that night in formation with the Gorgon's soldiers and scuttled into the sewers, following the troops. The Volutri were able to live out of sight of mortal eyes as long as they did because they had sealed off miles and miles of catacombs. Any human who stumbled upon them became a memory, another mad tourist lost in the maze.

When modern humans became too noisy digging their subways and basements and such, they moved their location and carved a new one within a mountain in the Apennine range north of the eternal city. Aro preferred the peace and quiet. Carlisle had said that over time, they had converted their new den into their own playground with all the sumptuous comforts of a palace. I spent the day lurking in the vestiges of their ancestral home waiting for the sun to set, accompanied by the silent troops.

Staring at the collection of bones that lay at my feet, I mused they had certainly added their own fair share of died-before-their-time human bones to the piles around me. We walked with morbid curiosity into what had been the main gathering room, staring at the remains of the rotted thrones. Beyond it laid a room in ruins. Considering the only damage we found elsewhere appeared to be from cave-ins or the passage of time, this room caught my regard. It appeared as if a madman had gone berserk.

Out of the wreckage from the floor, I lifted a gold pin of an eagle: a fibula used to clasp a cloak. Something caught my eye. Rummaging through the rubble, I shifted the stones nearby and found a large man's ring with a seal of an eagle on it. By its appearance, someone had gone to great lengths to destroy the room, yet this piece escaped the wrath, abandoned in his haste. I put both in the pocket of the cloak that the Gorgon had dressed me in when I was not caring. With my black clothing and boots, aside from my hair and height, I blended in with her men. Fine. I stuck out like the proverbial gangly red-haired step-child in a family of short and stout brunettes. Once evening set, I crawled out of the depths of the Eternal City and sprinted into the night.

When I came within a mile of the door of the Volturi's fortress, the soldiers vanished from my side. I continued in the direction and after a bit of searching, found the door and banged my closed fist against it. Moving noiselessly, a compartment opened as metal slid across to reveal a hole.

The hawk-nosed guard who stood on the other side craned his neck, sneered up at me and demanded, "What do _you_ want."

My hands were in my pockets. I had set the birds on invisible mode, as it would not do to alienate them right away with that whole, 'I wear an autograph of a lost coven you loathe' business. Besides, it's not like I woke up after a drunken tirade having stumbled into a tattoo parlor. I could not help it if I had, 'Lady Fate Hate' stamped on my forehead like the mark of Cain.

"I desire to see Marcus, Aro, and Caius."

"We all have things we want, fool. Go away. They are busy with your betters. And your Oscan has a horrid American accent."

His thoughts were preoccupied with the fact that he was a new guard. Boris took pride in his century of servitude at the front door, and hoped to be promoted soon to an interior door. From his thoughts, they had five more doors that he knew of within the mountain. Boris was a snob. Boorish Bastard.

I hated Boris in that moment. And my accent was not American. Cretin. He was keeping me from avenging Bella and saving my family.

He did not seem to understand that I had an important need as anger rushed through me. I urgently needed to unleash the Volturi on Phoenix. And Maria or Antigone or whatever the hell her name was. Soon, she would not be requiring any nom de guerre. Victoria, too. And Boris was denying me. That meant, fortunately, that this imbecile in front of me would have to suffer to achieve that end. For moral purposes, of course.

With that one thought in my mind, I shut my eyes and inhaled, thinking of Hezekiah and pleading for his help. He had his Jenny. He appreciated my pain. I was trying to help my dead little missy and set things right. Surely he would not still abandon me?

For a moment, I understood the rush of the young wolf as my mind reached out for the Quileute powers, and to my surprise they answered with a roar. Ironically, when I deliberately tried to kill myself they refused to appear; but now when I directed them on other immortals they showed up dancing from foot to foot, eager for battle, acting as if they'd never fled. Typical. I officially decided that all the spirits had just proven to me they were female.

Jolting through my listless frame, I did not argue with the wave of energy and the black smoke cackled with glee. I seized the power with both hands, and vowed if I was going to die, I would definitely take this one with me. I called upon the fiend from Chicago, and he emerged with a celebratory howl. Reading Boris' mind, when my pitch black eyes became burning green flames, he thought perhaps he was wrong about that American accent, after all. And that howl was positively bizarre. Loud, too.

I ripped the solid titanium door from its hinges and tossed him by the nose across the passage. The three others who lunged at me I smacked aside like grains of sand on the wind. As I passed their shaking bodies, I snarled, "I have no intention of harming anyone else within, provided they mind their manners." As I walked away, I tossed over my shoulder, "And my Oscan is better than yours. Ignoramus."

Ignoring his wailing, I turned to face my next panicked welcoming party. Eight guards came at me this time, arms outstretched in unwelcome intentions. They continued to attack, and I batted them away like ping pong balls while walking. Nonchalantly, my foot kicked down the next two security doors they had like they were eggshells. From their gobsmacked minds, I learned the map of the warren of tunnels and made my way to the largest one they called the throne room. If this was the greeting I received, it was a wonder the Volturi had remained in power all these years. None of them appeared to know how to fight. The last three doors were tougher, so I had to use the powers from my hands to melt them.

Along the way, I gathered an eager audience of impotent immortals, both male and female, that threw all their offensive supernatural abilities at me like petals before a god. Golly gee, I suppose that not really caring how long I lived so long as I obtained my revenge gave me some extra protection. Their gifts pinged against the raging fires that encased my body and evaporated into mist.

Listening to the clamor from the brains around me, they found my eyes particularly disturbing, given that whole green flames business. And fine. I confess. I might have made my head explode into verdant tongues a time or ninety for dramatic effect. Especially when I found they fervently believed the green fire within me was connected to evil spirits that could harm them, according to an old dusty legend. And I confess, I set some furniture on fire. Sue me. It's hardly my fault they failed to build a sprinkler system in their fortress.

They did not even begin to understand what true terror felt like. But they would learn. I dripped sparks like raindrops as I moved. They bounced on the ground and when they landed against immortal flesh, it caused much screaming about those legends and evil and nonsense. What ninnies. No wonder Carlisle left.

The closer I moved towards the three leaders, the more lethal were the forces flung at me. And much to their surprise, the first time the inner guards bounced a designed–to-fry-me-to-ashes power off of my shield and took out three of their own vampires, the stronger immortals decided perhaps they should refrain from using their abilities lest they decimate the rest of their irritated-like-no-one's-business companions. Some were excited, as they had not had a "real" battle like this in …well…..ever. Not since Alec showed up, the sissy, and made them all look bad with his abilities.

The Volturi's venom tattooed - have not really been used in centuries - soldiers waited within the next chamber, frothing at the mouth in anticipation of being unleashed like the dogs of war. Too bad I was going to turn them into the toothless puppies of sparring with my shoelaces. Showing the first sign of intelligent life, they decided to forego that whole power business and charged at me with vampire blades, shrieking their war cries at a pitch that would make a tenor weep with joy. I yawned, despite that whole looking fierce as they charged, and like they knew how to hold those blades business. As the swords came towards me and struck the shield, it sent a jolt up the metal that resulted in much shrieking of an entirely other kind. The guards dropped the melted blades and wailed about their hands like five-year olds. They now had a new tattoo. On their palm. Courtesy of me.

And wow, who knew? Arria's little minions she had gifted me with decided to spring into action, when more immortals rounded a bend and ran at me yowling like banshees. The gyrfalcons erupted into being from my palms and breathed fire. With flair, they finished off the blades, and a few unlucky immortals named Cassius and Pullo. FitzSinister crouched in front of me, FitzLuck had my back. When they chirped, it hurt the ears of the immortals they faced. A lot. I only wished Grace was here. Hezekiah, too. The rest of the immortals beat a hasty retreat desperately trying to prevent me from reaching the next chamber.

I sauntered into the throne room after gently moving Alec aside when he attacked, with a dismissive, "Move, child. Carlisle is in danger." He couldn't touch me either, much to his distress. Once he landed in a heap on the ground, I sent the thought mentally to him, _"I swear on the life of my father, Carlisle Cullen, that I mean no harm to your masters. I am here to warn them of danger and request a teensy favor. The sooner you permit me to converse with them, the sooner I'll be on my way. Cousin."_

With a scrunch of his nose, Alec and Jane confirmed the relationship and believed me, seeing the expression on my face. They had not liked the idiots who had died anyway, careless weasels. And claiming they could not kill me because I was inconveniently under their protection and they did not want to offend the fourth brother completely worked for them.

"You complained in Cincinnati that no one ever fought you. I thought I would offer you some entertainment. Of course, I mean you no harm, cousin." I blinked at him, the picture of innocence. Jane thought I was insane. Alec, too. Both wondered how I knew what Alec had been thinking on that day in Ohio in paranoia. I was not one to spy and tell.

With a furious wave of his arm, Alec called the others off from their futile attacks, "Cease. All will be well. My cousin means no harm. And I can handle him if he gets out of hand." I maintained an even demeanor and refrained from scoffing. As if. Alec liked the idea at that moment of claiming me as a relative. Jane, too. It solidified their position with the Volturi to have another powerful relative. Even if he was barking mad.

I had to give Alec his pride back. I understood what it felt like to have none left. So I did not contradict him.

For a moment, I feared I had lost my way, and transported myself to Madame Tussauds' wax museum, seeing the three immortals before me. Absolutely still, they sat in throne-like uncomfortable-appearing stone chairs. Caius looked like he had been turned in a foul mood and had remained in one ever since. Being a grouch seemed to be his only outstanding talent. Marcus acted unfazed by the clamor of my entrance and stared at the embroidery on the neck of my shirt, the gyrfalcons, too. He had a sealed vase by his right hand. From the thoughts in the room, it contained the ashes of his wife and family and he carried it with him wherever he went. The shortest, Aro, peered up in burning curiosity. And for some odd reason he did not fear me.

Considering I had just waltzed into their lair of doom without breaking a sweat, I wondered if they were too foolish to be of assistance. Were they the mental equivalent of the newborns, having survived all these centuries by dumb luck alone? Looks surely had not played a role like it had for the newborns. The only thing missing from all three of their ensembles was the embalming fluid.

I had not spoken in so long my voice sounded like sandpaper. "My name is Edward Cullen. I would appreciate it if I could converse with Marcus."

The powerful mute sat lifeless on his throne. There appeared to be a flicker of interest in his eyes for a millisecond before it vanished. He stared at the design of the weave on my shirt a bit longer than was normal. The pin that held the cloak at my shoulder, too.

Aro stepped to me gingerly and said, "As in Carlisle Cullen?"

"Yes, I'm his eldest son."

Aro appeared cheerful at the memory of Carlisle, although he still mourned the man's unhealthy dietary habits. And he wondered why Carlisle had not been answering his calls. He had even sent men to check on his welfare in Alaska. Three squads. None of them called back, either.

Aro's words raced from him in excitement. "I'm sorry, dear Edward, but Marcus has not spoken aloud in over a thousand years. Would I be suitable as his replacement? That was, by the way, an impressive battle. And you managed not to seriously harm anyone that mattered. Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking. We're going to have so much for you to do, my dear boy. Carlisle has been holding out on me, that naughty lad. I can't get him to answer the phone."

I think he said more in that bit of time than I did in my first decade back living with my Parents after my rebellious years. And my mind was starting to twinge in pain from wielding all that power. Did I mention my throat also started to scratch in a telltale sign of hunger?

I reached into my pocket and removed the gold jewelry I had found in the abandoned room. "I believe these are yours." The same eagle was carved into the arm rests of his throne. And he was the only one of them without a large ring. I could detect things, from time to time.

Aro said, "Indeed those do belong to Marcus. Where did you find them?"

"In the rubble of your old fortress."

"What were you doing there, boy?" snapped Caius.

I ignored him and said in response, "Marcus does not need to speak out loud for me to communicate with him. I can read minds." I turned to Marcus and held out my palm towards him. He waved an arm in assent as I approached his throne, hands extended, offering him the gold pieces. As I placed them in his hand, I sent the three of them the images of Bella that I deemed appropriate.

Aro winced when I showed him her death. I left out all that flashing lights and venom-soul-scarred business, because I did not want to get my family in trouble. And besides, FitzLuck and FitzSinister were busy hissing at the gathering crowd, keeping them back. As the ceiling size had expanded, so too had they in height. Both now stood over fifteen feet. I paused for a moment to take note of the size of the room.

The cavern could fit thousands upon thousands of spectators. They had designed it to be an immortal equivalent of the Roman Coliseum. I did not know Emperor Vespasiano envy was a psychological condition that immortals could catch. They had far outdone him. A small lake sat in the center of the amphitheater for water battles.

Marcus thought to me in a deep rumble,_ "I understand your pain." _And I knew he did. He made a slight nod at me that made the others in the room back away as he placed the signet ring on his finger. The pin he placed on the arm rest of his throne. He caressed the urn at his side.

Excited, Aro said, "He hasn't responded to any stranger in centuries. Keep talking to him, please, dear boy."

"_What is it you want?"_ Marcus asked.

"Vengeance. And the safety of my family and friends," I said aloud. Surely Marcus could appreciate that desire after all he had suffered.

"Boy, what is all this about?" barked Caius.

So I told them only the parts of my story that I felt they needed to know. "The group that Alec and Jane have been pursuing across the globe is a lost coven that has targeted my family and the Denali coven."

"Cousin Edward, we know that." Jane sounded irritated.

"They are led by Maria Montenegro who is also known as Antigone." Marcus' eyes turned to meet mine. "She framed the Los Angeles coven for the newborn attack and let you do her dirty work. She also informed on the Cincinnati coven. And she's framed three others: New York, Atlanta, and Toronto."

"That woman in Cincinnati told our secret to a human," bellowed Caius. "She earned her death."

"Perhaps. But her lover never told a soul, and he had plenty of time to do so. And I am sure there are other humans across the globe that know our secret and have held their tongues. That is, however, neither here nor there. Maria appears to be making a move to seize power in North, Central, and South America. She claims she's going to use the lost legions to kill you three."

"_What proof do you have?" _ Aro asked aloud, as Marcus spoke the same in my mind.

So I showed them some of the visions I had experienced. And they became like the newly converted as soon as they saw what she had done to Jasper's family. Having an immortal child for a younger brother sealed Maria/Antigone's fate. Had I known it would engender that reaction, I would have started my explanation with that and saved myself trouble. Aro and Caius now wanted her body parts on sticks for what she had done in Los Angeles. Marcus kept his thoughts to himself doing an exceptional impersonation of the Sphinx.

Aro asked, "I can read your mind better if you allow me to touch your hand. Would you mind, Edward?" He seemed to think I did not know about that whole 'I can read your entire life with a touch gift,' I snorted. Or that he could not read a thing without contact. This was too easy.

I sealed off parts of my mind that I did not want him to have access to: my private moments with Bella, everything about the wolves, our disregard of Volturi laws in letting Bella live, everything about Bella's deranged family. That was not his business. So too, the glass shattering part, because that _definitely_ was not his business.

Aro, egotistical vampire that he was, had no idea that I blocked his ability since no one ever had before. I let him think my green glow was a recently acquired power – which in fact it was - and inherited from my mortal family. Hezekiah until recently was my friend, but in this case he could stand as family, I reasoned. He had tried to warn me. And there was, I had discovered, a line of seers on my Grandmother's side. This could work. No one would be harmed by my discussion with the Volturi.

Despite his almost in-vampire like features, Aro's face became expressive and sad. "You have my sympathies." Aro genuinely seemed troubled. "We will consider your request. Why not wait in a chamber we'll prepare for you? We must learn about this Phoenix fellow." I nodded my thanks.

On my way out the door, Caius barked, "What does he want after nearly tearing apart our domicile? I want his head, the disrespectful pup. All he had to do was knock. We have manners, you know."

Upon my exit, I sent all three the mental image of Boris' greeting to me that had sparked my tirade in the first place. Caius swore he was going to dismember him. Snapping his fingers, he ordered a guard to see to the matter.

Ignoring him, I followed a faceless guard who led me to a chamber three stories below. On the way there, he decided to give me a tour out of discomfort. "The catacombs were originally used when human Christians were persecuted and not permitted to own land. They buried their dead under the earth. It gradually become commonplace and they grew all over Rome. Humans have short memories though, so they abandoned them and even forgot where most of them were. We had a few close calls in the late 1800's in our old estate in Rome but have mostly been left alone since then. Of course, we had to get rid of the bodies," he sniffed in distaste, "and scour the place to make it habitable. And when it grew too noisy, we finally moved out here. It is quite effective as a headquarters. Aside from Carlisle, you are the only vampire in history to ever have access without being invited, although I have no idea how you did it with that green fire."

His thoughts indicated there was no way the Volturi would let me leave. Either they would kill me out of fright, since I most definitely qualified as a 'special one,' or find a way to make me their new enforcer. The green fire rumor, thanks to cell phones galore, immediately began to rage through the immortal world. Alec, their current favorite, was going to be beside himself. I simply wanted to die after making a lot of vampires across the Atlantic suffer. Was that too much to ask?

The faster they helped me do that, the quicker I could rescue my love from Satan's clutches and save her soul. They did not seem to understand my urgency. I would give them a few hours to think before I forced their hand and left in high dudgeon.

All that power expenditure drained me, and the use of it made my misery compound. I could feel more emotions and now had nothing but time to contemplate my litany of sins against a pure soul whose only crime was falling in love with a fiend and allowing him into her heart.

With half an ear, I listened to Caius and Aro debate above me. From the little I could read of him, Marcus seemed to want to talk but had some kind of wall around his mind. It almost felt like he had been bound……not my problem. I knew he would support my decision. Since his mate had died, he had apparently lived like a stone for thousands of years, the other vampires' thoughts told me. That would not be me. Bella and I had not been mates, which is the only reason I was sane, I suspected. The image of Eve and her mate's deaths sprang to mind. How lucky they were to join each other in the afterlife so quickly.

With disgust, I realized from the tenor of their thoughts in the throne room they were going to grant my wish, but put strings on it. Aro wanted to turn me into some kind of weapon and already had my venom tattoo planned in his mind. Caius did not want me underfoot, so most definitely voted with any option that would keep me busy and out of his way.

I had to reach my love; I could not stand to be parted from her side. Why could they not understand that? Marcus had been outvoted.

They summoned me before them with ten guards in front and ten behind. I made sure that FitzLuck and FitzSinister put the fear of the gods into them. A young man stood shivering in the corner of the throne room, and my mouth watered with venom.

"Look what we've brought for you, my dear boy. All of us can sense your thirst. You have not fed decently in months, and I am impressed with your discipline. You no longer have to suffer, Edward, living off lesser blood. Here is nourishment for the taking."

I had left out that part about my rebellious years because that _especially_ was not his business. I had let him think instead that I had locked myself in a room and read Latin and Greek and Gaelic living across from a cattle slaughterhouse before returning home to Carlisle and Esme, chagrined and lonely having been sorely tempted by all those lovely human smells.

From the tenor of the grousing thoughts I heard across the room, the Volturi were offering me a rare treat. They had been living off of blood bags for decades, having decided that herding humans in daily would be difficult to disguise.

Politely, I said, "May I please be excused, sir?" I declined his gift without actually refusing it with what little rationality I possessed. The green flames had lowered to embers around me thrumming with tension as the room gasped.

Standing in the immense throne room felt surreal. Seeing the food quivering in front of me and refusing it took all my will. Since they would not aid me, I sighed, I would have to help them by offering sufficient motivation. From reading his thoughts, I knew Alec was eager to help, having been shamed. I would let him redeem himself.

By checking their minds for the date, I realized that twenty six hours had passed since she had drowned and I was still on this Earth. This was unacceptable. My body yearned for her to the point where I started to smell Bella everywhere.

I knew how this hallucination went; her scent had chased me across the country. And I had my priorities straight. I had to kill Maria, and her yapping brother, and then I would take care of the rest. Victoria, I was saving for last. Jasper should have killed Phoenix by now. Surely.

Somehow, though, the scent grew in strength. My thirst kicked into high gear. I had exhausted the small reserve I had, and now my body returned to literally starving.

Perhaps this is what the vampire that attacked Carlisle felt like? I remember he was hungry. I was famished. Jasper could not even comprehend this kind of hungry. The stone even looked appealing right now. But I had to reach my love. My nose twitched, and I snapped, running straight at the young man with a growl. He yelped as I blasted right past him, ignoring the cries behind me.

The immortals decided since I had passed up food, rather than be disciplined, I had clearly lost my mind. Marcus was the only one who, mentally at least, was amused. I added in what little speed I had left and managed to out pace the trailing guards because I smelled her scent. The Quileute powers must be leading me to Maria using this as a lure as I literally followed a green fog out of the caverns. The birds ran with me.

I called her name in ecstasy. Bella's. Not Maria's. Soon, I would be in her arms. Right after I killed all those irritating immortals. Then, somehow, I would find death's embrace. This was meant to be. Winding my way through the damp passages, they could not keep up with my pace as I stormed in a green flash instinctively towards the sunlight.

Since she smelled so strongly here, I could not defile her phantom presence with the beast from Chicago. With a roar, I stuffed him back into his hole. I let the suddenly helpful Jugurtha lead me above ground, bursting from a passage, finding myself standing for a second inside a dark cave. I must have taken the never used heavily guarded back door the Gorgon had mentioned.

The Volturi had grown awfully careless in the past millennium, especially on that heavily manned part. Vines covered the entrance and beams of light peeked through. Bad gardening aside, I could not see a single sentinel, although I smelled that the room had been occupied not long before.

Light blinded my weak eyes for a moment. I could not see her but I could smell her everywhere. It was Bella's last gift of a vision: one of her. And I would greedily take it like the miserable mendicant I was.

Sprinting, I burst toward the light and the only woman I had ever loved. As I made my way toward the sun, I prayed for deliverance from my miserable existence, imagining Bella's luminous smile. Briefly, I thought of my family, believing that they would be far better off without me after I had ensured their safety, as I pushed the vines aside and stepped towards the light.

I had dared hope against hope that God would, prior to my death, see fit to allow me at least a glimpse of her soul before sending me to my justified eternal reward in hell. Mary Alice's words from her letter entreating me not to leave, claiming I would destroy Bella, echoed in my mind as did the image my sister had sketched for me that looked remarkably like the broken girl I had seen on the cliff. The very image that I had insisted had to be false because Bella could never look that bad, I recalled, in pain.

When Heavenly Bella crashed against my skin in that moment, words failed me as I sincerely thanked our Creator for his benevolence for the first time in 90 years. I snatched her into my arms like a sacred relic, holding onto her spirit.

Feeling like a dying man in the desert at his first sight of water as he laid embracing death's cold hand, I did not think I could ever let her go; although I knew she had to move on to heaven and I to Hell. The very act of imagining embracing her lithe body against me had shaken me to the core of my being.

I was about ready to thank Sister Claire for her intercedence on my behalf with God, when I heard Bella's perturbed voice whispering about me being in danger, calling me a stubborn, self-absorbed, narcissistic, arrogant jerkwad and telling me to get a hold of myself and grow the hell up, as her fist thumped against my chest repeatedly. I think she called me a blockhead somewhere in there, too, in a much less decorous tone than I remembered her ever having used.

Bella partaking of the Beatific vision would not be shrieking like a fishwife, nor would she be insulting my character, no matter how horrible it actually was. While I had committed many dark deeds during my time above the earth, chess cheating, however, was not one of them. Bella in heaven was a saint who forgave me my miserable sins rather than reciting them. And she would not yank at my hair, ears, and especially my nose to capture my wandering attention, or slap my face. Twice.

And Bella in heaven would not look like a skeleton's shade with dark shadows under her eyes and weigh 18 pounds less, by my calculation, than when I had left her. Bella in paradise would not be bruised with the smell of fresh blood pooling under her skin and the sound of broken cartilage in her rib cage as she wheezed. And she would not smell like she had been wounded, I sniffed. Having listened to it in my mind endlessly, I could pick her distinctive heartbeat out of a crowd 50 miles away. So the uneven patter I heard now was definitely not that familiar rate. And her spirit would be free of those venom scars courtesy of Violet Gorgon. She had no need of those in heaven.

And Bella in paradise – well – I don't mean to be rude, but her hair would at least be combed and washed, and she would be properly groomed. And she would most certainly not smell faintly of the skunk-like odor of Jacob Black, combined with algae. And she would not be wet. But still. And she would be better dressed, as I had left her with a plentiful wardrobe. To test my senses and sanity, I inhaled deeply near Imposter Bella.

That behavior appeared to offend Imposter Bella even more and even made her begin to snarl. She spit on my face, punched me with a glorious right hook, called me a soul-less bastard, and told me to behave like the scumbag I was and scurry away from the guards that approached. As my lips sensed her saliva, belatedly, I realized where I was, who I held, and what I had done. And I was awfully flattered she had gifted me with her saliva, after all that confessing the truth to her business. How she spoiled me still.

* * *

**AN: Characterization Notes:**

**Edward for all intents and purposes is still in the middle of a nervous collapse brought on by his delusion, starvation, and the trauma of experiencing Bella's death. You might have noticed that his powers – more specifically his ability to detect things for miles around did not seem to be working this chapter. They were – he just was not rational enough to process them. And I feel the need to remind everyone that this story does not contain a love triangle between Bella, Jacob, and Edward. Oh, and Alice is, of course, alive.**

**I have had a few of you comment on Edward's general behavior in the last chapter – ok, a lot of you – and a few questions about whether or not Bella will forgive him quickly. Let me be clear, when he left, Edward was emotionally abusive to Bella. I want to stipulate that ****one incident**** does not make someone an abuser for life. He did a one-time losing his temper and was absolutely horrid. I don't know about you, but I certainly have had times when I became angry and said things that I dearly wished I could take back, things that make me wince to this day. **

**I am not, however, going to excuse away his behavior. Edward will be held accountable for it because he's going to have to live with the fallout and the regret and guilt. And Bella will not be taking him back in a split second because he shattered her trust in him. Nor am I going to keep them apart for 42 chapters. You might have noticed (I hope) that the pace of this story has picked up. We covered eight months in the last chapter. Bella's behavior at the end of this chapter – which will be made clear in the next one – is a product of extreme stress. I will not be re-writing the taming of the shrew, and she won't be turning him into a pinata. But he so deserved that right hook. You can consider this the beginning of the redemptive arc of this section. Main Edward is going to go back to attempting to protect his nuts now.**

**

* * *

  
**

**This is actually a cave in Sardania – called Neptune's Grotto. When I stumbled across it doing research for that other cave chapter, I knew I had to use it here. I imagined it as the Volturi's headquarters beneath the Earth. **

http://www (dot) italyguide (dot) com/database/foto_monumenti/229 (dot) jpg

http://maps (dot) google (dot) com/?ie=UTF8&ll=40 (dot) 56233,8 (dot) 163786&spn=0,359 (dot) 990355&z=17&lci=com (dot) panoramio (dot) all&layer=c&cbll=40 (dot) 56233,8 (dot) 163786&cbp=12,0,,0,5&photoid=po-14166920

**With an accompanying lagoon:**

http://www (dot) algherosardinia (dot) net/media/neptune%27s-grotto-capo-caccia (dot) jpg

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**So Edward kind of sort of came up with a master plan of vengeance. Violet Gorgon sidetracked him with a makeover. And troops. Jewelry, repair, too. Edward traveled to the Volturi to warn them of lost covens becoming unlost, avaricious, and ambitious. He kind of lost his temper with their customer service representative. So Edward decided to make a grand entrance. Diva. **

**After frolicking with gleeful abandon through the halls of the Montezuma….I mean the Volturi, he had an enlightening chat with his cousins and the trifecta of doom, and decided to take in the fresh country air and found his Bella. The End. Kidding. **

**Stay tuned for another episode of As the Asshole Yearns, I mean, As the Human Turns. My bad. Much more Edward and Bella coming up. Swear. Deranged Author's honor. Seconded by my beta Fantasy Mother.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Research Notes:**

**For a brief overview of the history of Roman Baths: http://www (dot) vroma (dot) org/~bmcmanus/baths (dot) html**

**The Romans brought oil and strigils with them to bathe: http://www (dot) dl (dot) ket (dot) org/latin2/mores/baths/history/oil (dot) htm  
**

**This is a tepidarium where they would bathe: http://www (dot) dl (dot) ket (dot) org/latin2/mores/baths/history/tepidarium (dot) htm  
**

**Edward refers to the necklace and wring in the palm of his hand like a morning star burrowing in his skin. This is a morning star. It is a weapon and a nasty one.**

**http://openclipart (dot) org/people/Chrisdesign/Chrisdesign_Morning_Star_%28weapon%29 (dot) png  
**

**For more on that pesky beard and hair color not being the same mutation:http://genetics (dot) emory (dot) edu/ask/question (dot) php/6627/Hair/1/  
**

**St. Catherine of Alexandria is the patron saint of philosophers. Preachers, too. http://www (dot) catholic (dot) org/saints/saint (dot) php?saint_id=341  
**

**The Catherine wheel is named after her: http://stcatherinesmonastery (dot) googlepages (dot) com/catherine20wheel1 (dot) jpg/catherine20wheel1-full (dot) jpg  
**

**The Roman Catacombs are a must see if you ever stop by Italy: http://www (dot) catacombe (dot) roma (dot) it/en/storia (dot) html  
**

**The Apennines is a mountain range in Italy that runs about 1,350km: http://www (dot) encyclopedia (dot) com/topic/Apennines (dot) aspx  
**

**The Colosium of Rome has an interesting history and was built in honor of Emperor Vespasiano: http://www (dot) romaviva (dot) com/colosseo-fori-imperiali/storia-colosseo_eng (dot) htm  
**

**I wasn't kidding about the wax museum business: http://www (dot) madametussauds (dot) com/London/**

* * *

**Songs:**

**Donato Y Estefano Que Estoy Enamorando : http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=R1hjtz6ldLY**

**Kate Vogele - You Can't Break A Broken Heart : http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=1rcnuIKATlY**

**Train – This Ain't Goodbye : http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=1geFL4kdPg0**

**

* * *

**

**I have a thread for this story on Twilighted. Please feel free to stop by. I don't bite. Much. And I post teasers there.**

**Starched Shirt Edward is overjoyed that his Bella is back in his arms. Please review and give him some encouragement. He's trying to figure out how Main Edward is going to say he's really really kind of sorry for telling the absolute truth. And protect his nuts.  
**


	48. HOD pt 37 Who's Your Daddy?

I think of the Volturi in their mountain lair when I see this photo:

http://mw2 (dot) google (dot) com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/11992888 (dot) jpg

And this is the cave where Edward and Bella are at the beginning of this chapter:

http://mw2 (dot) google (dot) com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/23234515 (dot) jpg

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. **

**And to Alicedances for being my junior validating beta.**

**Thanks as well to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter.**

**This chapter contains violent content.  
**

**

* * *

  
**

**Fanfiction Business:**

I am a judge for a contest called The Eddies and the Bellies. Nominations are now open. They have some cool categories. Please go out and support your favorite stories.

http://www (dot) thecatt (dot) net/tw/Default (dot) aspx

**

* * *

  
**

**Cullenary Coupling just turned one year old. **Okay fine, it's a little older than that, but I've been posting it for a year. And wow time has flown! I remember what it felt like when I first started posting this story; how I worried that the only person who would ever read it would be me compulsively checking it for typos (and Lord, I found a lot). And you, my dear readers have spoiled me so over the past year. I sincerely appreciate all the feedback from your reviews, PM's, and posts on the thread. With that in mind, I'd like to rec a story, Unto a Heart of Stone, written by Jackie Jones.

http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5487679/1/Unto_a_Heart_of_Stone

Please give her a shot. I think she's worth it. Her Bella is interesting.

**

* * *

  
**

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I make a dime from this. But the original characters in this story - Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Guillermo, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Your reviews for last chapter were highly entertaining. Many thanks to all for reading, reviewing, PM'ing, posting, etc. You make my day! **

**To my muses I bow my head in reverence: haippa, pomme_de_terre, silly sad sarah twilighted, sariedee, lovebooks, karajgil, redsoxlove, dellatwi, pclo, Cullen_Historian, Nyaris, Cullen Pearl, jenejes, BellaS, June, Siamecho, blue2185, Merrisol, smiles, Cullen Concession, Rogue, girls_got_bite, CindyWindy, Lady Dragona, Robs_Muse, Killeen, elphabacy35, kaydence, blueschicka, Elisabethskar, SueBob, Mav, fanficreader83, squarepancake, TraceyJ, JajiTaXx, sareliz, Miss Poison, Disney Vampire, summerc79, APM, mhgood, Treya, Nethead97, justm, Zen Nashton, loveliveX2, ldybnny, kiki2485, Dawn Stimson, jmolly, Mutt N. Feathers, Viridis73, LJ Summers, TwilightMomofTwo, RaquelnJake, twivrarian88, Codelina, Fitten, Forest Sentry Koneji, ChloeNine, prettyflour, notmyself, SiouxperNaturalsCharmed Vampire, favludo, writz, mamato, luv4edwardcullen, AliciaZA, Mizra, Angelbach, PurpleMadDragon, PJ Austin, and Iunnrais.**

**Characterization note: **It bugged me in NM that Edward left for such lame reasons. Moreover, it disturbed me even more that understanding the nature of vampire mates, his family took off, too. They left Bella to be vampire bait; thereby making them the stupidest coven of them all. And it bothered me even more when Edward finally pranced back onto the page, Bella took him back so fast I had whiplash especially that part where she subsequently blamed herself for him being a jerk in the first place. That won't be happening here. At all. You might be wondering what happened to make Bella behave this way. I have a different story to tell. And for the record, CC Bella was not sent by his family or trying to save him when she crashed into him.

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward goes off the deep end. Has a chat with the Gorgon and exchanges words about families and jewelry and Satan. Oh my. Oh, and he bathes. Once. Appropriately attired, he skulks, with the Gorgon's minions, his way through Italy, to the catacombed mountain lair of the Volturi, where he enters with style, making a distinct impression on immortals the world over. They have the coolest throne room ever that can seat thousands upon thousands of immortals. And Wow! That green theme he's currently working with, the flames business, has them wailing in terror, considering they have some musty hidebound legends about vampires/spawn of legions of demons looking that way, and signaling the end of the world. And the Violet Gorgon may have accidentally/on purpose dressed him to match those stories, too. Sue her. **

**Things you need to recall from past chapters for this one are as follows: Bella has a history of nightmares of people hunting her that she can't see but she can smell – the red-eyed people. In HOD chapters one and two, we learned that Edward had expanded abilities and gifts that he hid from his family, one in particular regarding Mary Alice's ability. Edward had a wee bit of a supernatural pissing contest – metaphorically speaking of course- with the Violet Gorgon and totally beat her to a pulp. Before he went off onto his exile, the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes had given Edward specific instructions about going back to Liam's farm to search for that endless source of power the legend has is on the land. Arria, also known as Young to Me Old Power, erased Bella's scent – so no one but Edward (and Alice kind of can) can smell her.**

**When last we left our clueless un-couple, they were exchanging bodily fluids. Scratch that. Main Edward could only dream of actually exchanging bodily fluids with his dear little ex-bottle cap. She, however, could most definitely be described as having made a one-way deposit of the aforementioned bodily fluids (Get your mind out of the gutter, you are blocking my view. Degenerates.). And okay, you got me. Main Edward is still kind of crazy as a bedbug. But still. He most definitely made an impression on the Volturi, who want him to come back for an encore of sorts. And he looked up long lost – well never really looked for until now - relations in the form of Alec and Jane. As we begin, Main Edward is chortling to himself about how his dear little one spoils him so. And she stinks. But still. She's alive. And she looks God-awful. But she's alive. And she has lost a wee bit of weight. And her hair is a mess. But he doesn't want to complain. She's in his arms where she belongs. Sort of. Now if only she'd stop kicking his shin. ****And so we begin.**

**Every once in a blue moon, I insert a line here or there about the local vegetation. This is a type of cabbage called Kale: **

http://en (dot) academic (dot) ru/pictures/enwiki/66/Boerenkool (dot) jpg

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Fragile – Sting - **http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=nCUtBZatcZU&feature=related

**Someday Someway – Marshall Crenshaw **http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=JmqUkxKNElc

**The Dark Night of the Soul – Loreena McKennitt – this is a poem from St. John of the Cross that could also be a love story. And I think of Edward and Bella when I hear it.**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=NHbiXCaEOuI

* * *

**Vainglorious Vampires - Who's Your Daddy?**

I knew she'd forgive me. If only I could ask for her pardon first. I mean, she's Bella. My Bella. But still. I'd remember to feel proper amounts of joy just as soon as I managed to get her out of this fortress still possessing a pulse; and, I sniffed, preferably bathed. I couldn't have my precious bottle cap reeking in front of the Volturi, even if I was the only one who could smell her. I had standards. Sometimes.

I yearned to lavish her with the fire of my contrition, as I held her cradled in my arms. Yet when I opened my lips to utter the words, they morphed to ash as they hit my forked tongue.

Something wet and cold smacked against the back of my head. Mary Alice had thrown a slushy snowball at me and had another in her fist. With the return of awareness, I found myself standing in a wooded area as a mixture of snow and rain pelted the ground, and I sensed the minds of my family as they stood behind her. Bella did not even seem to care as I nuzzled my cheek against her chest, and sighed her name like a litany whispered in prayer by a mendicant wretch. Starched Shirt Edward was so ecstatic that she lived still that he totally ignored that right cheek to upper chest improper contact on my part. I was in no way sexually aroused. Seriously. Jugurtha complained that she must be cold as she had been out in the snow without a proper coat. And her clothing was wet.

Feeling multiple emotions all at once theoretically posed no challenge for one such as me. After all, our superior brains were designed to function at a higher ability than those of mere mortals. Simultaneously, a cascade of joy hit me when I tasted and smelled her unique saliva on my cheeks, mixed with euphoria that against all reason my Bella lived still. Those human emotions that I now could name roared through me like a tsunami. Belatedly, I appreciated where we were, and terror again stole my voice. And no, I was not even worried about the Volturi or their meek minions and leadership communication issues. I had bigger problems.

Something was wrong with her heart, I mentally wailed, as I lifted her chest to my ear so I could listen more carefully, reverently even. I met my family's concerned eyes as I attempted to convince myself that I was wrong and had failed medical school. Twice. Completely sucking as a professional.

Bella hung in my arms stiff as a petrified log, legs dangling. She no longer struggled against me, as I kept my head on her chest in panic, and whispered her name like a sinner would a favorite psalm. Once I ascertained that I was not hallucinating - or in Heaven - aided perhaps by her kicking my shin eight times repeatedly chanting in ire the phrase "soul-less bastard coward narcissist" - and the chortling of the Volturi behind me that someone so tiny could fell the green demon - I felt true fright for the first time in memory given her clear mental fragility and proximity to the other immortals lurking nearby.

I erected a shield around us all. It baffled me to see that the original three-leveled barriers that I had left in place on her had not been functioning when she'd crashed against my side, nor were they still.

I could hear with each wheeze that she had broken ribs. And I could smell that she'd been cut recently. Her blood held the trace scent of infection. And don't even get me started on how her blood had suffered. She had low levels of iron, and I could not smell any of her usual medications she took for her pain.

Her hands trembled, as I stared in shock into her bloodshot eyes that stoically refused to meet mine, staring intently instead at the stone wall over my shoulder. All the energy seemed to have left her. But she held herself rigidly away from me - as much as one could when encased in my arms. Bella's cheeks were shrunken, eyes hollow, dark shadows under them. She wore the same outfit she had in my vision, with a sweater over it.

"Stupid idiot, now we are definitely going to have to give you your wish." I heard one guard crow as he slammed against the wolf ring of power I'd constructed. "We have someone on the way that is brilliant at destroying shields like yours. Too bad about your human. She'll make a lovely snack. Hey, she doesn't have a scent. They don't make scentless humans. And what's with the purple birds on her?" I'd heard enough. The other soldiers tried to hush their comrade. By that time it was too late.

I showed the simpleton my wrathful glowing eyes, lifted him with my mind and, taking a page from Genevieve's playbook, pounded him against the rock wall of the cave a time or five. Bella wasn't looking, it was in a back corner of the cave out of mortal eyesight, so I felt it was safe.

Using my best Oscan, at vampire pitch I declared, "She is mine. Do not ever disrespect her," seething with pent up fury and rage.

The ground started to tremble, and rocks began to scatter from the mountain above and rained down, bouncing off of the shield around us and peppering the startled immortals that yelped and dashed out of the way. Fear crept into the minds of the vampires of the elite Volturi guard, as they stared at me as if I had transformed into the very devil himself, as FitzLuck and FitzSinister feasted on the impetuous guard's intestines. When they were done, they breathed flames upon his corpse, incinerating it before his comrades' bulging eyes. Then the birds blinked at the Volturi guard, and made absolutely no move, standing in the cave like twin sentinels before me.

From the minds around me, I gleaned the preposterous, but possibly useful rumor that the morons inside had decided must be true. The glowing gyrfalcons I wore were the totem of a clan with blood lines so pure and pristine, no one would question its right to rule. They thought I had co-opted the symbols because the clan had died out as a sign for the immortal world of my desire to seek power. Or perhaps Jane, Alec, Carlisle and I were all that was left of that clan.

I gathered power from the earth into a green cloud of fire in my left hand, my free one holding my haggard heart's head to my chest where she could not see. I turned her, keeping her back to the scene. The now dead guard had the decency to be disemboweled without making a fuss about it. I could not bear to have her unnecessarily frightened, so I used my power to send her to sleep. Except she remained awake, not cooperating with that trying-to-keep-her-from-being-mentally-scarred-for-life-master plan that I had. Well, the one I'd come up with three seconds ago.

"Edward, son." I turned to see Mother and Father standing there. Mother was crying. Father's face had an expression I'd never seen him wear: ferocious. Perhaps I let that anxiety make the ground tremble a little more as I had clearly failed to protect them if they were here. Yet I was ecstatic they lived. Guilty, too, and. . .

"Edward stop. This instant." Father reached and put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a shake. Oh. Right. The earth immediately stilled as I gawped. What were they doing here? I thought they were in danger in Alaska. "We don't need these men buried like the others." He was referring to the serial killers that I'd, ahem, disposed of, I think with the aid of Young To Me Old Power. I decided to run with that and let him think that had been my plan. Not that I'd had one. And I did not mean to be rude, but he appeared exhausted, and I did not think that was physically possible for vampires. Real ones, that is.

"Hello, Father. Mother."

Mary Alice mentally told me, _"Edward, you need to loosen your grasp on Bella. And you might want to put your cloak on her. She's cold."_

She spoke slowly as if I had a hearing problem. Right. Excellent idea. I set Bella down at vampire speed and dressed her in the cloak the Gorgon had given me and then picked her back up in my arms. I could never let her go.

Since I had no idea he was in the range, I had not bothered to shield my emotions when I had my display of temper. Poor Jasper stood by Emmett, beaming calming emotions at everyone, and struggling to recover from the agony he had experienced tracking me. He wondered when I had learned how to cause earthquakes of that magnitude. Rosalie stood on the other side glaring at the guards. She came across as every bit as scary as the birds from their thoughts. My family wore cloaks that had shielded them from the light and snow, that when pulled back revealed they wore habits from religious orders.

The men were in the brown robes of the Franciscans, and the women were dressed as cloistered Dominicans. Eleazar and Carmen were there as well. No one would look twice at them in the Eternal City or traveling on a plane. I couldn't figure out why Bella hadn't been put in a costume as well. Or a coat.

To the guards who were upset about the death of their colleague, Father stepped forward placing his body between us, "My name is Carlisle Cullen. I see you've already met my son, Edward. He's not well at present, and we've come to take him home where he can recuperate. I'm going to offer my personal apologies to Aro, Marcus, and Caius." And he turned his gift on them at full blast.

"Oh, Fine. Nice to meet you," they all but handed him the key to the fortress. Really. Seriously. Why were people afraid of this lot? Imbeciles, every last one of them.

Every door of their stronghold had been designed to have ten panels. Apparently they'd been big fans of Lorenzo Ghiberti's famous doors in Florence called the Gates of Paradise, and had made the vampire version as we passed through the golden doors.

We crossed the threshold and three precious words spilled from her bloodless lips, "Put me down." She still would not look me in the eye, and her speech was enunciated in a dull voice. My cloak was so long on her petite frame, there was no way she could walk in it. Slowly, I placed her on the ground, pushing her behind me to protect her, keeping an arm out.

Arria burst into the passageway trailed by soldiers. Bella lifted up the hem of the cloak and made a bumbling beeline for her. The last time I had seen them together, Arria had been attempting to fasten her teeth against Bella's neck. So understandably; I felt confused, baffled even.

Although saying I had been relieved to find Bella alive was the understatement of my life, I did not let her know that her physical appearance concerned me. Humans at her age were flighty and changed affections as often as they changed hairstyles. She clearly had suffered from the lack of Jugurtha and me in her life aiding her with her issues. Flitting through my mind like fruit flies, each thought pounded on my confused brain and bounced away before I could capture it. I considered that I might possibly have miscalculated Bella's nature.

And did I mention I was hungry? Really hungry? Jasper eating the entire animal shelter hungry? And she was standing not far from my side with that glorious scent. I did not think it was possible for my eyes to turn darker. I growled and salivated, stepping towards her. Arria saw the color of my eyes and raised an eyebrow as she prepared, I'm sure, to attempt to stop me. Hunger was king for the day. I didn't like the smug boast in Young to Me Old Power's mind that Bella made the perfect Volturi bait. Emmett distracted me from pursuing that thought.

"Uh, buddy, we need to get you something more to eat, but this should tide you over for a minute. I can't let you chomp on Bella." Emmett sounded regretful. He handed me a bag of deer blood from a duffel bag which I literally inhaled as he blocked me from view with his bulky frame. Ten bags later, I realized we were moving as Emmett's massive hands nudged me forward. I cared not as I tried to discreetly eat, keeping track of Bella as she stood downwind with her back to me. When I finished the last one, I did not have the heart to tell him that I was still hungry. Really hungry. I could smell Bella, but they could not. And she smelled. .....positively divine.

As soon as we were in the lower regions of the catacombs, the scent of more animal blood hit me. We found ourselves faced with forty guards, forty very irritated guards, Jane, Alec, and Demetri at their head with Felix looming in there somewhere in the back. A large flagon was put in my hand by Alec with a grimace saying, "Please drink all of this now. We need you rational." He had eighteen more of them being held by revolted minions. I finished them all as the guards gaped, completely repulsed.

It was embarrassing having to feed in front of Bella, and my family knew this.

Mary Alice said to the guards, "The smell of blood sickens her. I'm going to take her back a few feet out of the range."

The guards' lips twitched, a few snickered, but none tried to stop my sister. And they all were fascinated with what a human was doing with those marks of power on her from a lost coven. Jasper and Emmett blocked me from her line of sight. I made sure to use my best manners. I did not want her to see any cow blood dribbling down my face. It would not do to scare her. I sighed as I felt the rejuvenation throughout my system. Two minutes later, I felt almost restored. I wondered why none of the guards reacted to Arria and her troops. Not my problem, though. Young to Me Old Power, as usual, blocked my thoughts.

Jane saw Bella when she stepped out from behind Mary Alice, and did a double-take. As did her twin. They thought something about the gyrfalcon symbol that didn't make any sense to me. Something about it being the most powerful totem of the lost covens, or some such nonsense. And they wondered why I was acting like I was in love with a blood relative. How they got the idea that Bella and I were related by blood . . .

Jugurtha smacked me across the back of the head and said, "You both have the same totems. Focus." Oh. Excellent point. I could do that.

My brain started firing on all cylinders. Although I appreciated we were theoretically all in immortal peril; I somehow felt, for the first time in my existence, optimistic. After all, I did have the Quileute powers of the entire shaman line, and now felt I knew how to use some of them, as a few more unraveled in my brain. Surely, they would not fail me in my hour of distress. Considering how my entrance had been when I was deranged, my exit would be considerably better. Jugurtha said he would help.

I gawked over at Bella like an awkward voice-cracking adolescent in the throes of puberty once I had finished drinking. She stood by Mary Alice, Rosalie and Arria examining the carving on the wall, ignoring everyone. Emmett handed me a pack of those breath strips. Right. Good man. It wouldn't do to frighten her with blood breath. I started to reach for her, and with a grimace, she stepped behind my sister who glared. My other sister. The one who glared like a professional pugilist.

Rosalie patted my arm and said, "We have other things to concentrate on, brother dearest."

Now that I had my ability to think back, I pilfered through the brains of all around me to take a good look at Bella. Her eyes refused to even glance in my direction, I noted. Her face maintained the expression that reminded me of that ghastly vision that had torn my mind. She seemed to be on the edge of cracking.

Most alarmingly, we all could hear her uneven heart rate and wheezing. Someone had already given her an epi injection and administered a breathing treatment not long ago, by the smell of her blood. All my family had epi pens on them.

A hulking minion, the boorish one from that day I had left her, stood by Arria, holding a sack with the nebulizer and an electrical converter kit to make sure it worked in Europe. While he was being all helpful and all, I wondered where was her warm clothing? The Volturi guards did not for a second think after the death of the first one, now that they had seen how frail she appeared that she had been brought along for nutritional purposes. Besides, the shining birds on her sealed the deal.

Jasper, at my side, passed me two epi pens without me having to ask. He mentally thought to me,_ "I know that you have been through Hell brother, but I need you to stay rational so we can get out of here. She seems strong enough at present."_ From his mind, this was the first time he'd seen her since they'd left for Alaska. That couldn't be true. Why would Jasper avoid her?

I nodded at him, and kept him blocked from my emotions. Considering our audience, I realized that I could not answer as I preferred. "It's good to finally see you, brother. I'm sorry I did not call you sooner," was all I could say aloud to him so he knew I understood. I didn't know how many other mind readers they had, as I sent my senses outward. Oh, quite a few, apparently. Good thing I had the rings around the family, I decided, as I strengthened them. Between Jasper and Father, the guards were no longer remotely concerned about that whole Bella wearing birds that looked exactly like the ones that had exploded off of me, the ones that still trailed me and looked awfully irritated.

Jane and Alec decided the best thing they could do was act as if this was perfectly normal behavior. So they had another powerful relative in addition to Carlisle, they mentally shrugged. It would only add to their reputation.

As we were escorted through the tunnels to the Volturi stronghold, my family offered me an abbreviated mental recounting of the circumstances that had transpired over the past several months. I could tell they edited.

_"Why were you not answering your phone?" _I mentally asked my Father.

_"We knew we were entering a trap in Alaska, but we did not anticipate just how bad of one. We have been fighting daily battles for several months and only just now managed to get away. They jammed our phones to prevent us from summoning help."_

He showed me images of night after night battles, of them being pursued, and of them hunting in turn. Apparently having arrows had managed to keep Phoenix at bay as he did not want to become an immortal pincushion with that poison. Three squads of Aro's men had joined my family, the Denalis and the newborns. And Young to Me Old Power's men helped as well. Father's thoughts indicated they had only recently escaped. Then he became vague on details. He made it sound like it had been a grand camping trip.

And the newborns had been particularly vicious in battle Jasper happily reported. The calls I had ignored, my heart sank, had been appeals for me to send aid in the time Jasper could un-jam the cell phone connections that the attackers had blocked. I had wondered why my family had appeared so haggard but good breeding and decades of manners engrained in me by our Mother prevented me from commenting. And they seemed awfully cheerful. That did not make sense.

Eleazar mentally thought at me that the threat in Alaska had been handled. Partially. They had managed to pummel Phoenix's forces to the point where they could leave while he had to regroup.

Mary Alice mentioned having a vision of a hoard of vampires attacking both the town of La Push and my Bella - a recent one. Her mental image matched pieces of the one that I had experienced. Mary Alice fumed, "I thought once I got away from you the wolf powers would not be influencing my gift. And it was so strange, Edward, it worked in Alaska about everything except for you and Bella. I haven't been able to get a single vision of her even now."

Father shushed her when the walls started shaking again, and gave me a firm tap on the shoulder, "Settle down, Edward."

We walked through the damp gloomy tunnels. The ground here became slick, and I knew her feet would struggle for purchase as I reached out to touch her, and held her solicitously like the treasure she was. I thought how wonderful it was to put her needs ahead of my own on instinct, just like my human mother had said I would. Bella said not a word.

I knew what Mary Alice had not. When she had angered me with her letter all those months ago, I had lost my temper. And I'd done something unwittingly, I swear. I had cloaked Bella from Mary Alice's power using my rarely used gift to block my sister's ability to read the future. I had used it only twice and must have forgotten what it felt like. I had not consciously intended to do it. And the guilt overwhelmed me, and the guards leading us in the gloom prevented me from confessing. Tentatively, I tried to extend my gifts just long enough to reach for that rarely used ability, and concentrating, I think I managed to unblock Alice's ability to see Bella's future. Since her visions didn't usually work accurately around me anyway, it would be a while before I knew whether this had worked or not.

My family silently followed me as we walked under the Apennines Mountains into a kingdom of the undead. I looked back at Arria, who held a finger to her lips motioning me to silence. I shrugged my shoulders and complied.

Jasper thought it was like Bella was a shell of a person before he suddenly blocked his mind.

_"So how did you come to Italy?" _I asked Eleazar, using my gift as he walked a pace behind me.

_"Alice had a vision that this was the best way to defeat Phoenix,"_ he shrugged casually. Then, he blocked his thoughts.

Thinking of my vision of Bella, I asked Father, "So none of you have been in Forks at all during this time?"

"No," he sounded placid.

"What about the immortal who replaced you at the hospital?"

"I don't know. We have not talked."

Carmen appeared exhausted and offered me a smile as she walked by her mate. I heard grumbling from the guards that this visiting without an invitation was highly irregular. Carlisle dialed up his power again and they went back to being complacent.

If they thought they were setting one step near my beloved angel, I would decimate the entire underground encampment, I thought, as the power roared through me and I started to glow green. I had the ability. I would wait and see as their thoughts were presently confused. They had no idea of the tenacity I had. No idea at all. I would show them if I had to. I knew the value of her life. It had been seared into my being. Mother touched my arm and said, "Calm, Edward." Oh. Right. I'd kill them later. When my Mother wasn't present. Although now that I thought about it, I'd probably have to apologize to her for letting the birds kill that guard earlier in an unappetizing display.

"Why not pass her to me, son. You might need your hands free." Mother said, and as usual, that was an excellent point.

"I'd like to walk now," Bella said woodenly, as I handed her to my Parent.

Mother appeared wounded and said firmly, "Bella, in that cloak you would trip. The way here is treacherous. I'll put you down as soon as we arrive."

My dear little one said nothing in response.

After racing through the dank passages that smelled of bones, mold, and death, we arrived at a golden door that opened with a loud scraping sound. We walked up a narrow winding slimy flight of wet stairs.

She completely ignored us. I dropped my arms to my sides not wanting to scare her any more than she already was given her rapid heart rate. I knew what we were approaching and planned on attempting to send her to sleep. If I could, it was the only way.

I sent my thoughts out to Arria,_ "My family's memories do not contain images of how Bella got here."_

_"That's because they didn't bring her. I did." _She answered my mind._  
_

_"For what?"_

_"A surprise. Aren't you happy to see her? Mother said you were distraught. I thought this would cheer you." _She dodged.

Well, that was true. And I certainly had been astonished. Young to Me Old Power looked like her Mother just then. Harpies, both.

_"They're doing a feeding upstairs or about to."_

_"Yes, I know. They do this once a year. It's their equivalent to Thanksgiving. All the vampires in the continent that can gain admittance come to observe."_ She did not have to say this was the largest gathering of Volturi soldiers as well. Not that they had bothered me earlier. To be fair, most of them had not been nearby when I had made my entrance. The throne room now was positively teeming with hungry vampires.

Anticipating the effect of the powers on her, I whispered to Mother at vampire pitch, "She's going to fall asleep in a moment."

We passed through eight now heavily guarded doorways without incident, and wound through the tunnels of the catacombs until we came to a door that led us to the back entrance of the throne room. I could hear from the clamor of the minds inside that several bayed for my head.

A statuesque vampire named Heidi led in a massive throng of hundreds of humans. From reading her mind, some were told they were on a pilgrimage to Assisi and this was a place they would sleep prior to leaving the next morning. Others had been told they were joining a tour group to see Ravenna, which used to be the capitol of the Holy Roman Empire. Another group had been told that in exchange for donating blood, they would be given tickets to see the famous museum in Florence, the Uffizi. One last group of sixty more people, this a group of prisoners liberated from a rotting jail in Argentina, had been offered jobs and thought they were going for an interview after the tour.

Heidi led them cheerfully to their slaughter as her rich voice narrated in pristine Italian the fictitious history of the building, which she portrayed as a lodge for the super-rich kept secret from mere mortals. She walked in front of the condemned-but-did-not-know-it, offering them information on the large mural sized Raphael paintings encased in glass that lined the walls. As far as distracting prey went, the device worked brilliantly.

The humans were so awestruck at the art they didn't think twice about the immortals sidling up to them to see the paintings. Heidi winked at us as she swept past. I heard the all the doors slam shut and lock behind the stragglers at the end of the crowd, sealing us all inside the chamber.

My entrance had raised the blood lust among many of the immortals in the capacious throne room. And it showed. I immediately attempted to send Bella to sleep and nothing happened. She remained awake, wide-eyed. Arria was blocking my ability to use my power on her.

And from the thoughts of the immortals in the room, I realized they could not see Arria or her men. Interesting.

I hissed at Arria mentally, _"Would you care to explain why you are allowing her to see this?"_

Arria smoothly replied to my mind, _"You wanted her to stay human did you not?" _Well, that was true. _"This will definitely aid you in that effort. Sometimes in order to do the right thing, Edward, you have to make decisions that others would not understand. Think of Winston Churchill and Coventry. This is one of them."_

Fine, I'd let her see the first few seconds, and then I was going to use every bit of power I had to knock her senseless.

Jugurtha said, "If you want her human, this definitely should do the trick."

Starched Shirt Edward was torn. He wanted to protect our dear little one, but did not want her mentally scarred for life in the process. He voted to abstain from making a decision on that matter.

Arria made one last comment that haunted me. _"If we want to protect her, Bella has to continuously wear the seals of the gyrfalcons. And I have to make peace with the Volturi to keep her in one piece to protect her from their laws. It's a devil's bargin."_

It must have been pouring outside because all the humans in the throne room wore matching long coats with hoods. Either that or the Volturi went to great lengths to ensure their food arrived at the proper serving temperature. Even by Volturi standards, from what I could tell this was a particularly grisly feeding.

Six hundred humans screamed as they were pounced upon by the greedy hands of gluttonous immortals. The shrieks weren't simultaneous, and some did not last long, as many immortals were hungry and efficient in leaping for throats. But the sound bouncing around the room followed by the crunching of sinew and bone was unmistakably loud. Waves of the scent of human blood hit all my family. And it was a good thing those Raphael paintings were encased in glass, I thought, as I saw the spatter from a jugular wound. In terms of misery, this reminded me of the agony of Jasper's vision. The bewildered and frightened thoughts of the dying humans slammed into me. And Jasper.

Since I had my singer standing by me; while mouthwatering, the blood of all those mortals could not hold a candle to a single drop of hers. Plus, I had just fed. I did not like even the concept of her being in another vampire's arms when bloodlust hit and turned to grab her.

Mother was so startled that Bella literally slipped from her lax arms and landed on the floor. Bella stumbled over my cloak, of course, right in the direction of the gore-fest. I could not reach her in time because I now had my hands full with bug-eyed Jasper, who had been caught off guard by the waves of hunger and anticipation roaring from the room that overwhelmed his empath brain. He looked about ready to fall off the wagon and board the bloodlust crazy train. I latched onto a man who looked capable of eating the entire cat population of Europe, fearing he'd snap as he started to growl and salivate.

Father seemed particularly disturbed as he grabbed a glassy-eyed Mother. Rosalie latched onto Emmett as both started to tremble. Carmen took Eleazar's shaking hand in her own. Mary Alice started having a vision, one I did not like.

Bella's eyes widened but not a word fell from her lips as she froze, taking in the panorama of human suffering before us. The statue of Laaokoon and Picasso's painting of Guernica could not compare in depicting misery. Nearly two feet in front of her, lay a set of blond toddler twins with their bleeding parents being yanked off of them and simultaneously slaughtered by a greedy mated pair from Perugia.

My hands occupied with Jasper, I did the only thing that seemed prudent at the time, given his appetite. I threw him at the four immortals that rushed us vowing vengeance for their earlier embarrassment. Jasper disarmed them and killed them with their own blades. Efficiently, might I add. I slammed up shields around my family, hoping to stave off the blood lust problem and it seemed to blunt the feelings, although they did not go away.

Mentally, I warned Jasper, _"Either get control of your bloodlust or I'll send you to sleep." _Being threatened like a small child from me seemed to do the trick. Irritated at his momentary lapse of vegetarian sensibilities, my brother leapt into the fray, eager to protect the family.

I lunged for my love, who suddenly showed unusual speed. And that's when she stunned us all. With an ear-splitting shriek of delight, the gyrfalcons erupted from her body as she covered the twins with her thin frame. The two hissing vampires from Perugia that hurtled in her direction never even stood a chance, really. All seven of the birds surrounded Bella, stomping their feet and extending their wings, heads tilted pugnaciously. They acted meaner that FiztSinister and FitzLuck. There was no way, after what I had endured, I would ever let any threat to her remain in one piece. So I moved to defend my love. Bella's pendant ignited.

As Bella crouched over both terrified children, a defiant expression on her face, I simmered in green fury. She should not be frightened; therefore, I was going to have to kill more vampires. Any reasonable vampire would respond to such a threat to his singer-bride.

Roaring in appropriately-accented-thank-you-very-much Oscan, I lunged across the room at wolfpire speed. "No one touches her!"

Gingerly, I took the children and literally threw them at Emmett and Eleazar to get them out of the fray, and waved an arm sending the howling toddlers to sleep.

My beloved did not have a chance to blink before I lifted her from the floor into my left arm, and pinned her to my chest which left my right hand free. I asked the Quileute spirits, oh so politely, if they would mind if my right hand burst into flames - dark green ones - to scare the room full of human blood suckers. And wow, as long as terrorizing vampires was in the cards, they were all kinds of happy to help.

Bella shut her eyes and stopped struggling as I hissed at her, "Sorry. I'm trying to keep you alive. Please, stay still." There. I apologized. Right? Now we could get married. I had the ring in my pocket.

Maybe it was the white nimbus that surrounded us both, as the green and white flames blended into a single conflagration. Perhaps the green powerful-enough-to-make-a-dragon-jealous flames that spewed out of my mouth might have captured people's attention. Well dead people. I mean undead people. Not the dying people in the room, poor souls.

The immortals in the vicinity definitely took notice. I kept hearing the thoughts of "green fire" and "threat" and "legend" echoing through the panicked minds of the surrounding vampires. One stopped licking the blood off the glass case over the paintings to stare.

The far end of the room began to rumble as a stampede of vampires attempted to leave. Arria and her rapidly multiplying guards also raced to intercept the immortals that lunged our way. Not that I needed the help. But still. Young to Me Old Power took out a blade and with a flick of her wrist threw it sideways and decapitated two of the mob. Then she started to gather her power and threw it right as I called upon the spirits and tossed my own fireball into the oncoming crowd.

I wished I had enough power to take on the entire room as I stared at the thousands of immortals that were in various stages of either fighting, contemplating fighting, or fleeing. Feeding on that many humans had triggered the predatory drive in many and they started fighting over the bodies.

Not all the Volturi were cowards, in all fairness I had to admit.

Bella said in a bored tone, "I want those children alive."

Yes ma'am. Her hands started to glow white as she reluctantly wrapped them around my neck as if I were covered with barbed wire. Suddenly, I literally lit up like the proverbial electric company as warmth from Bella's body flooded my own. The green and white forces raged through me in tandem. Small little white lights exploded into being around us - the familiar fireflies of days gone by. I pointed towards the twelve vampires that flew through the air towards us, and the fireflies pounced. The men literally vanished into nothingness. Eight others met a more disgusting fate, as the birds gleefully descended upon them, tore them to shreds, and scorched the remains into bitter ash. It would have been nice, had they left some for me. I was not settling for leftovers though. So the four venom tattooed ones that followed, died a fiery death, as I extended my right hand and imagined them vaporizing like the trees in the forest.

Arria and her guard took care of the seven others. The sensation of heat became blinding before winking out. I thought I heard pipes as well. And I'd never experienced such a rush of boundless energy. From the view of the immortals around me, I had green and white flames that began on the ground and shielded Bella and me. And dark green ones surrounded my family as vampires tried to hurl offensive talents at us, all in vain. I felt like I could kill the world. Only, if necessary, of course. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Sometimes. And fine, sue me. Technically I had never been anyone's lover, but I planned on amending that as soon as decently possible.

Suddenly I heard Hezekiah's voice in my brain saying the phrase "source of endless power," and I realized that I was staring at it in my beloved's eyes. They now glowed with white flames as pure energy roared into being and coursed through my veins at her touch. With my hands on her, I felt like I could do anything; achieve any result with my Quileute gifts. She was incomparable. I couldn't wait to marry her, and maybe we could actually have sexual relations without her dying and all. I could dream. These immortals were delaying that; which meant, of course, I'd have to do something to address that problem.

In hindsight, it really was the most audacious ambush I have ever seen. Fine. Not that I have seen any that I did not cause myself. But it was better than anything I had read about in the history books, to the point of making Jasper's most fiendish battle plan passé kind of daring. Everyone was so caught up with either feeding, trying not to feed, gawping at the vaporizing vampire business that I had just done, being terrified by the nine tremendous birds that hissed, or staring at the odd colored fire that burned from beneath me and my girlfriend's skin, that they did not notice the humans that still walked around that were not actually cooperating with the Volturi guard's Thanksgiving day plan. Several of the humans refused to die, literally stunning the immortals that attempted to feed from them. Those immortals were even more surprised when they were dismembered by their prey. Oops.

I sniffed, then sniffed again, then watched awestruck as the humans took out unscented vampire blades, and handily killed their attackers. They all pushed back their hoods, tossed the human-scented cloaks to the floor, and took defensive positions. I was not sure which side we actually were going to take in this fight.

The smallest figure of the fake victims pushed back her hood after dismembering her attacker with ease to reveal the smiling in glee face of the Violet Gorgon. I almost did not recognize her.

"My love," she cooed, "it's been too long."

Thank Christ she was not looking at me. I would hate to have to reject her in such a public forum. And I really was not looking forward to having to explain why the Gorgon had seen me in my boxers to Bella.

"It's them." Bella whispered in terror; becoming stiff as a poker, if that were possible.

I remembered the scents she had said she recalled from her nightmares, and sure enough the room was full of them. Lovely. I was waiting for a kitchen sink to fall from the sky. Werewolves anyone? What other supernatural conundrums could Lady Fate throw in my direction. Glaring balefully, I stared at the group of immortals that surrounded her diminutive figure. They had frightened my Bella. For years. And that was unacceptable.

"Are those the ones from your dreams that chase you?"

She simply nodded infinitesimally. I did not think it possible for her to turn whiter, but again, I underestimated her. She gritted her teeth and stayed still, clearly attempting to marshal her emotions.

"You are safe. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise, sweetheart." She did a double-take, but said nothing in response, probably going back to that being horror-struck business.

And the real red-eyed people looked positively skipping with joy at the sight of us, although not all of them had red eyes. I had never even seen my own human Parents look that happy. And I had all of my memories back, and I knew darn well they had loved me. I could not figure out just how insane these maladjusted malcontents were. None of them were laying a finger on my family or me.

All of this happened in the span of about a minute; although it felt like an eternity, which explains what naturally happened next. Unfortunately, my human remembered she was, after all, human.

I had been so proud of Bella as we had stood in the gory throne room for holding onto her composure in the face of what must have been terrifying. The violence that had gone on around us was far, far worse than what she had witnessed at our house all those months ago. Adding to that the presence of the voices from lifelong nightmares could not be good. Smelling the stomach acid, I did not protest when she turned from me. A drain sat near her feet and she turned to it and vomited. Alarmed, I smelled blood in it.

Young to Me Old Power had a thermos of water on her of all things and stepped forward and aided Bella in rinsing her mouth while I held her by the waist. For a second, Arria almost appeared tender, as she used a cloth on my dear little one's lips, before she moved back to her usual cold business-like manner. One of the Fake Canadians fetched a bucket from the nearby lagoon and threw it over the drain, cleaning it of her vomit. I stared at the metal grill as the water washed away everything except all that other blood that ran down the sloped floors in rivulets.

I hissed at Jasper that I needed a little help here in keeping my beloved calm, only to have him snip, "I'm trying, nothing's working on her."

The Volturi guard scared vampires - it was difficult to imagine how a human would react. And Bella had held her own with Jane, Felix, and Demetri, staring them in the eye on our way to the throne room. The rest of the guard's thoughts indicated they were sincerely puzzled that she hadn't started screaming by now as she stared numbly at the twitching bodies around her, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. In the wake of my rage, all feeding and fighting had ceased, and several mentally whined about good blood going to waste as it was now too cold to be appetizing, those that weren't being held at sword point.

Since she did not speak Oscan or Umbrian, the ancient languages used by the Volturi, she had no idea what was happening. She wasn't disrespectful by any means, but the expression on her face was completely blank. And every immortal in the room was fascinated at her scars. They'd never seen anyone marked so. One could actually accuse her of appearing bored. Aside from that whole vomiting episode.

Ten vampires approached intent on attacking as Marcus' voice commanded, "Halt."

This was a good thing, as I could tell from the minds around me that my eyes were burning with green flames, and they had started shooting from my hands as I flexed my fists and growled.

Except they were not fixated on me. Apparently Marcus and Alec and Jane had captured everyone's attention who was not staring at the Gorgon and her armed to the fangs immortals. Oh, and look, Skeevy was standing at her side. How absolutely marvelous. I could not wait to kill him. That improved my mood markedly.

I felt more power flow through me as I gathered it preparing to strike. It was right around then I realized that the Gorgon was not staring at me. She was staring at Marcus, and he at her. And the Gorgon was not the gorgon as she smiled in what appeared to be a rather friendly manner. Apparently she was something else, as he said like a long forgotten vesper, "Vivinna."

I had built up so much power, I kind of, sort of, forgot about it in that split second, when I took in the combined stunned expressions of the Volturi. A pulse of power moved from Bella to me and then over Marcus, Alec and Jane, and caused some sort of bother before I reigned it in.

All three started glowing to the point I had to cover Bella's eyes and the immortals in the room all had to look away. Jane and Alec fell to the ground, screaming in agony. No one could touch them; although many tried to assist. I had to throw a shield around both Jane and Alec like a pen around a dog to prevent their powers from killing everyone. She and Alec literally grew as they twitched on the floor before us. One very long minute later, they stood shaking off the pain like a dog emerging from water, in tattered clothes. By their new appearance, they appeared to have aged probably six human years. Both could pass for 19 now.

Alec all but jumped for joy as he took note of his now muscular, and significantly taller body. I pretended not to notice when he pulled at the waistband of his trousers to see if other parts of him had grown as well. Jane squealed mentally as she realized she actually had breasts....never mind. You could pick your friends, but unfortunately not your family.

From Father's thoughts, he'd been researching before he left a formula to help the two "age" in appearance. And they'd been taking it faithfully ever since he had left; hoping that one day it might work. Marcus had been taking a different formula created by Carlisle.

And Marcus. Now he was the really scary one. He had gone from looking like an advertisement for a mime school with a Prince Valiant haircut and translucent skin that seemed so delicate it could tear at any second, to....well.....that standing in his mate's arms. And _that_ was what Marcus must have looked like when he fought battles in his prime. That was a muscular, gleam in the eye, smiling like he'd enjoy ripping people into shreds man who did not look a day over forty five. He had Jasper beat hands down on the looking intimidating department. Marcus' eyes, instead of being maroon, were now gray. The only thing I could figure, was that the potion in and of itself didn't work unless it had massive amounts of power fueling it.

He started to speed towards Vivinna, and I felt a power soaring to block him from moving. The same power had attempted to influence me on numerous occasions over the past hour or so. I had bounced it off without really giving it further consideration.

A vampire named Cecilia standing against the wall behind Aro seemed to be the source, having responded to Caius' nod. With her thoughts, she planned on bending Marcus to her will, having been used for over a thousand years to keep him sedate.

Marcus said to her icily, "Cecelia, get out of my head. Now."

She scoffed and increased her concentration. That is the point I decided to intercede. I lifted Cecelia into the air as she panicked, screaming at the sensation of being out of control. Anyone who used their power to enslave someone for centuries didn't deserve to have them.

On a whim, I decided to use a variation of the spell I had used on Gregory Clearwater. As I concentrated, using supernatural strength, I literally ripped the power of her ability from her mind as she wailed in agony. I ensured with whispered Quileute words that her power would never be of use to her or anyone else again as green flame surrounded her. Once I was sure it had taken root, I waved an arm and the force surrounding her dissipated.

Her mate lifted her as she screamed, "He stripped me of my powers!"

Aro and Caius gawped at me like goldfish.

"She's correct. I did. Who's next?" I baldly stated to the crowd.

Her mate gathered her up in his arms, and fled the room as I growled. I couldn't help it if the Volturi guards were freakishly inept, I sniffed. And did I mention my head really truly did hurt now? And anything that irritated Caius was fine in my mind.

Marcus and the Gorgon fell into each other's arms and I figure since they had been separated and thought each other dead for .....wait....about that thinking each other dead part.....oh, Marcus, you devil. Now that man could give us all lessons in how to be scary. Making Alexander the Great look like a rank amateur scary, from the glimpses I caught from his unguarded mind, before he put the walls back in place.

That man could never go to Hell because he'd charm Satan into giving him the keys to the kingdom. He'd been pretending to perfection to mourn for a dead mate for over a thousand years. How they had survived being separated, I could only imagine.

As he pulled Vivinna into his arms, he lifted the silver urn he'd been carrying for eons, the one he'd literally refused to let out of his grasp, allegedly of his family's ashes, from his cloak. Marcus threw the contents to the ground. It was indeed ashes. Who knew? And then he waved his arm.

He and his wife started to glow and it spread to the floor in a ring around them. I could feel the power from over here. And it knocked several in the room to the floor. I remained standing on my feet, but only just. Out of the dust on the floor, rose thousands of soldiers by the look of those venom tattoos, who surrounded Marcus and the Gorgon. Did I mention they appeared to be hungry, and a mite irritated, too? And there were 18,000 of them?

I turned away for a brief moment as I heard the wintry voice of the Violet Gorgon in unctuous Oscan say to the stunned into silence room, "Marcus, darling, I'd like you to meet your youngest son Cale," she nodded at Skeevy, "your daughter Arria, and your granddaughters Alice and Isabella."

Mary Alice had human parents, for crying out loud. And she was the spitting image of her mother. So that could not be true. And my Bella, my cherished source of endless power that had helped save our family, could not be related to someone named after _cabbage_. I pulled her tighter into my arms as the entire room gawped in our direction.

Whatever drink the Gorgon had given me when I was her guest suddenly wore off. My gifts, all of them, returned with a vengeance. And extending my senses, I realized that the Volturi compound was surrounded by over one hundred thousand armed with scentless blades immortal troops who all hailed from lost covens. And all were under the command of Skeevy. And they couldn't wait to see Marcus. As of matter of fact, truth be told, they were absolutely dying to see him.

Marcus approached us and reached out with wonder to touch Bella's forehead. In British-accented English, he said, "Hello, Isabella."

She seemed hypnotized. At his touch, the visions started with a vengeance, cutting off that whole, "by the way, even though I'm over 2,000 years old, I'm your Grandfather," explanation that I was dying to hear. Sort of.

Suddenly Marcus' voice cut off as he was swept with a vision that spread through the room to all. It lasted but for a moment. But it caught the whole room's undivided attention, especially as it consisted of two visions at once.

In the first vision, I saw a woman holding two bundles to her chest surrounded by armed men and running into the night - a human terrified woman. The sound of fighting faded in the distance as she ran. The vision ended with her reaching a forest, staring at the children and swearing, "I'll keep you safe from them little ones." She had six other children of varying ages with her. All looked petrified. The woman was Violet Gorgon. The children were hers and her nieces and nephews. She started as she heard rustling from the bushes. Out emerged a young woman with black hair, "Antigone, you frightened me."

"Sorry, mistress," a younger version of the woman I knew from Jasper's mind to be Maria replied.

"You have Agrippa?"

"Caius' son is safe with me."

"We need to part ways now. The men with you will take you to shelter." Holding a toddler to her, Antigone scurried off into the night accompanied by twelve soldiers wearing Caius' venom tattoo. The sound of fighting approached. Quickly, the Gorgon's own force was surrounded by men with gyrfalcon tattoos. One of them chided, "I knew if you married that man we'd have a war on our hands." Marcus' soldiers glared back.

"Brother, I love him."

"He's a slobbering newborn at present that tried to kill you the last time he saw you."

"I've been told he'll recover. And once I deliver our babe, I can join him."

"We have to survive the next few days, Vivinna. Come, we have to run."

Two human women stepped forward and said, "Mistress, you are with child, please let us guard them." Both women wore the pendant that Mary Alice and Bella had around their necks. There were other women wearing similar pendants who guarded each child.

The vision cut to a scene where chaos descended. Soldiers wearing the garb of the Romanians stormed the scene on horseback attacking from all sides. One nurse scurried off with to the west with guards; the other had a smaller cotillion and headed south. Another threw her body over those of the small children at her side as they were overcome by the enemy. I heard the shriek of a child that prematurely cut off.

As she screamed, the Gorgon's brother put his hand over her mouth, and knocked her unconscious. He threw her over his shoulder and fled, hacking away all the while at the enemy soldiers. Marcus' soldiers leapt into the fray and managed to grab three of the children. The rest perished under the Romanians' greedy swords along with the human nurses that sacrificed their lives.

The vision that ran simultaneously was of Mary Alice being carried from a burning building. Benedict met with a group of people outside who appeared to be his family. "What happened?" his wife said.

"Some aristocratic hanger-on decided this woman was his singer."

"So you turned her?"

"I wasn't going to leave her to die. And he just killed her parents, and burned down the building. So yes, I did. You always wanted another daughter. And she's got talent that will be amazing. She needs a new name with a new identity. We'll call her Alice."

Three young adults emerged from the shadows. "Da, we have to run. Now."

Mary Alice started to scream. The daughter, Diedre, covered her mouth and teased, "It's not enough that we have a crew from the Volturi after us, you decided, Father dear, we needed more of a challenge by hauling a turning human? Excellent!" It would have been funny had her tone not been so frightened.

"I don't know if he'll come after us. I managed to wipe part of his memory. Unfortunately I was holding her at the time, so I have no idea how much of her memory she'll retain."

The scene shifted to a riverbank. Mary Alice was in the last stages of her transition. She'd been dressed in a new outfit. She was surrounded by vampires who wore Volturi colors.

They looked at the livid O'Farrell family, and one said, "Sorry, you're going to have to come with us. You're needed in Italy. We've been searching for you for decades."

"That woman is my new daughter," Benedict said.

Acting like a typical bureaucrat he clicked his tongue, "She's not on my list of prisoners. I'll do you the favor of not destroying her."

"You can't just leave her. She's helpless," his wife begged.

"Actually, I can, as I don't have the manpower to handle your family and a newborn. But as a courtesy to you, I'll give you leave to pen her a note reminding her of the laws. She can read, right?"

Benedict had just enough time to write, "Your name is Alice. You must not drink of human blood although you will want to - live off deer, cows, horses, and other large animals. If you are caught by others such as us biting a human, you will be destroyed. Use your gift and it will guide you, my child."

The Volturi guard snickered, "Caius is going to be so excited that you will be joining us. He had great plans for you and your family." The scene closed with Benedict holding onto his wife as they were surrounded by venom-tattooed soldiers. One of them held a blade to his daughter's throat as a precaution that Benedict would not use his gift on them. They were carted off and just out of hearing range when Mary Alice's bright red eyes flickered open. The vision ended.

Mary Alice and I looked at one another once the vision had worn off. Mentally to me, she said, _"I have no idea what is going on."_ With a steely expression, she turned to Caius and said, "You are holding a family, the O'Farrells. They claimed me when they turned me. As is my right, I claim them as my family and you _will_ release them immediately."

The room stopped. Caius glowered. Mary Alice and Marcus seemed to be having their own private conversation - one I could not hear, much to my disgust.

Marcus turned to his guards and said, "Find them and bring them here immediately."

Caius spluttered, "But they are dangerous!"

Marcus answered, "Then I shall ensure they behave. My Granddaughter gets her family back. Now. All of them. You have meddled enough in my life Caius. It ends now."

Aro and Caius, for once in their existence, had nothing to say. Bella and Marcus and Mary Alice gazed in wonder at one another and then Marcus did the unthinkable. After over a thousand years of ceaseless mourning, he smiled and laughed and threw his arms around his wife and children. Aro and Caius stared in envy. Aro wondered what he had to do in order to get a makeover like that.

I wondered how I was possibly going to explain to Marcus that I had kind of sort of beat the spiritual beJesus out of my Grandmother-in-law, his mate, that he was awfully protective of. I was toast. And a little voice whispered in my mind that no matter how improbable, it made perfect sense that Bella would be related to Young to Me Old Power and the Violet Gorgon. Fate hated me after all. This was my punishment for my sins, having both as family.

Jugurtha said, "I don't think the Gorgon will ever tell him that you beat her. And she has pride. And she would not want that story around." True. Very true.

Starched Shirt Edward snapped, "Pencil into his schedule a session for groveling," he turned to Jugurtha, "That can't hurt if he means it."

"But I don't. She nearly killed our dear little one. And I'm not going to compound the problem by bringing it up if she doesn't."

Jugurtha said, "We can debate this later. Focus on our dear little algae lover." The thrum of the conversation in the hall brought me back.

Aro shook his head to clear it, looked stunned for a moment and examined Bella and Mary Alice with his eyes and a sniff or two.

To his sister, he said, "Vivinna, I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you whole and well."

Someone from the crowd said, "I thought he only had one sister, Didyme and she's dead, right?"

The Gorgon turned and raised an eyebrow at Aro, who did the vampire equivalent of blushing. "Sorry, your childhood nickname kind of became your name. I liked thinking of you that way." The crowd murmured.

She nodded back at her brother.

In a smaller voice, he said, "None of my children survived the attack, correct?"

An expression of pain crossed her face for a moment, "I'm sorry. I was only able to save one, and she and her mate recently passed from this life when they fell in battle."

Aro and a jewel adorned woman standing not far away from him, who appeared to be his wife, hung their heads in sorrow.

Arria said, "Uncle Aro, Aunt Claudia, I grew up with her, and she was one of my most trusted soldiers. I can tell you all about her."

She approached her uncle and held out her hand. I decided it wasn't fair for only Aro to have the images, since his wife was clearly grieving a child she believed long dead. The images that soared through Aro's mind of the vampire I'd known as Eve were many, and rich. I sent them to Claudia, Marcus, his wife, and even, damn him, Skeevy as well. Claudia jumped when she realized what I was doing and wept. Aro turned to his wife when the visions ceased and said, "Dearest?"

"The fiery one, he let me see our daughter," she said to her mate. "Thank you." She addressed me.

"And your line is not dead." Arria said.

"What mean you? She was the only child that lived. All others have died."

"I have her children frozen in embryonic form. You have five, I believe, grandchildren that merely need a human host to be born." Oh, that was rich. She surrounded the fortress with soldiers, and then offered up the carrot of more progeny so that she could walk away without a scratch on her head. She was good. Scary like her father, good.

Aro wondered what human he could use on short notice, and then his eyes fell on mine. "Bella dear, would you mind if I touched your arm? Edward said earlier when he was telling us about you that he could not read your mind. I would love to see if you are immune to my powers as well, my dear child."

Picking up my hostility, no fool he, Jasper decided to intervene to save Aro's hide, "I think she's been through enough for one day Aro, thank you. Perhaps another time." Jasper said.

Apparently, no one ever told Aro, 'no.' No one who lived. And Jasper radiated that confidence and that, "I could tear you to bits if you didn't bore me so," look to perfection.

Grouchy by nature, Caius demanded in English, "Well, we can't have a human prancing about knowing our secret. We have rules, damn it all."

I couldn't help but get a mulish expression on my face, observed by all, before smoothing my features. Her heartbeat was erratic. I still needed to examine her; although I could tell she was not in immediate mortal peril or I would have acted sooner.

"She is too ill to survive it presently." I growled in Oscan. "And I will not permit you to try without her consent."

The vampires in the room gulped as no one had ever spoken to the Volturi in that tone of voice. No one, who lived a second longer. And now two of us from the Fourth Brother's family had done it.

Marcus continued in English for Bella's benefit, "She is clearly not in any physical shape for her transformation. Let her build up her strength and then she shall be transformed at a later date. I will personally oversee that it is done. And any vampire that touches her, without my consent, will be killed by me. His or her entire clan, too."

Skeevy glared around with the mental equivalent of "Yeah, what he said."

At the word 'transformation' Bella's face sank. This confused me. You would have thought I murdered her Grandparents and Great-uncle right before her eyes, from the pain that flashed across her face. All she had ever desired when I had left was to be turned. She appeared, for a moment, as if she would cry, and clutched at her chest as her heart rate fluctuated. I could smell the sweat that broke out on her forehead, despite the frigid temperature in the room. Now that I gave it some consideration, she looked worse now than the day I had left her. How could that be?

Jasper told me in my mind, _"Edward she's distraught."_ Genius observation. That.

I did my best to soothe her. Stroking her hair in the manner that she liked. Caius quickly distracted us all.

"What is this?" Caius barked nodding his head at the legionnaires that Marcus had created from dust.

The leader of the soldiers stepped forward and said, "Gaius Marcellus, _legatus_." He addressed Marcus with a fond smile by his rank.

Marcus nodded and said, "It's good to see you."

"And you as well," all the men answered at once.

Marcus said to the eighteen thousand men that had appeared, "A wondrous thing has been revealed. My family is back safe in my arms, and I would like to ensure that they remain so. You are charged with their protection."

The leader nodded looking at Bella and Mary Alice, measuring them with his eyes clinically.

"Those men were from your crack legions. They have been dead centuries. Is this some kind of joke?"

"No. They are real. You should know by now I do not jest if the past 2,000 years have shown you anything."

"But they're dead. I mean undead. I mean I saw them perish in battle and their bodies burned to ash." Aro exclaimed.

"True." Marcus said simply.

Aro's mind was filled with simultaneous bouts of awe and avarice and fright. Caius was too stunned to do much thinking at present beyond wondering what that slave named Antigone had done with his child. He thought back on what he recalled about her. She'd been captured when he had attacked her clan and had wiped out her family. He had spared her the sword because his wife was with child and he thought she'd make a useful addition to the household. And it amused him to see the prized high-born daughter of his enemy waiting on his wife and children. That, he thought at the time, was karma. I could tell him what had happened to his child, but decided that he'd have to figure it out on his own. I wanted to get out of this chamber of horrors in one piece.

Then, the penny dropped, Caius roared at his wife, Paulina, "Our son! He is the immortal child!" His wife, accompanied by Aro's, immediately burst into sobs. Caius was aghast at what had happened to his own flesh and blood; although he'd never met the child since he'd been away at war when Agrippa had been born. But still. He looked over at Jane and Alec and said to Carlisle, "That potion you designed that aged them. Would it work on my son?"

"I don't know. I don't see why not," Father's tone was sympathetic. "I think that it requires a tremendous use of power and that only Edward can provide that." Father was good. Not that I needed defending but he took a play out of Arria's handbook and dangled the ultimate carrot in front of Caius.

Marcus commanded his legions as members of the lost covens handed them bags of algae, "See that everyone is fed. We drink from bags now, not humans, and it increases our strength."

The troops ignored the scent of blood and the fresh corpses, despite their raging appetite, and drank from the bags. I smirked, watching them attempt to maintain stoic features as the taste of the algae hit them.

Jasper started to become out of control again with all that raw vampire emotion, and human blood wearing away at him, his ability to block feelings being taxed to the limit at being in such a large crowd. Skeevy reached into his pocket and emerged with what looked like chewing gum. He threw some at Jasper like raw meat to a beast. Jasper started chewing and stopped and sighed in relief as a rush hit him. "Thank you," he said to Skeevy. I don't care that his real name was Cale, I thought it was more honorable to call him Skeevy than after plant life. Why didn't she just name him broccoli by Jove if she hated her child that much to saddle him with such a moniker?

Bella gulped again and fainted. I decided that this room was unacceptable. I turned to the birds and said, "The blood is making her ill. Please dispose of it and the bodies. I'll help." Holding on to her and summoning my now increased exponentially powers, the birds and I set the blood and bodies alight. It made a fascinating show for the immortal audience, watching the gyrfalcons belch purple fire and seeing green flames start at my feet and cover the floor until it glowed underneath everyone's shoes before winking out seconds later. They never even had time to panic about that glowing floor business. The scent of blood and flesh vanished. The aroma of fear, however, lingered.

Gaius nodded in Jasper's direction and said, "I think I'll have what he's having. Care to share?" Green packs went flying at the soldiers. Now I understood why many in the maladjusted mob had green eyes. How curious.

I can honestly say that I have never listened to someone's mind and heard anything that stopped me in my tracks: until I held my Bella in the throne room with Marcus of the Volturi analyzing us. His talent lay in evaluating relationships, well, one of them. It was considered one of the most formidable powers the Volturi possessed in wielding against their enemies, probably second now to that pesky ability to raise from the undead armies of soldiers. When Marcus finally unblocked his mind from me, his deliberations literally rocked my world off its axis. His thoughts had been astonished at the existence of a mating bond between Bella and me.

In pristine Oscan he said, "Edward is the mate of Bella, so he will be leaving with me." Marcus' words stunned the room.

Aro crowed, "How can this be, she's mortal? I've never heard of a mortal and a vampire that mated successfully." He was trying to ignore that reference that Marcus made to leaving.

Forming a bond with a human singer had never occurred to anyone's knowledge, probably because singer's never lived very long past the first sniff. I could read from their thoughts that they could not possibly understand why I hadn't drunk her dry by now. Marcus had stunned the room by speaking aloud that she was my mate.

He said in Oscan, "I know of no singer that survived this long without being turned. Their bond is so new and significantly weakened at present, but it has the potential to grow."

Upon hearing Marcus' opinion, I had felt jubilant. It had never occurred to me that someone could truly love me to that extent, with my past, and I felt humbled. According to the laws of the vampire world, we had just been married before the highest authority in front of stunned avaricious immortal witnesses and my tearful siblings and Parents. My union with Bella was officially sanctioned by the Volturi, and claimed by Marcus as kin, who protected her from all other vampires by law. If they didn't respect the law, and I didn't frighten them with my wrath, the force of all those lost and now found irritated legionnaires might convince them otherwise. And if that didn't work, Skeevy and his 100,000 strong army that waited above ground should do the job. Or his big sister's and her 10,000 strong force. And since the entire conversation had taken place in a language that Bella did not understand, she was completely unaware. Going insane away from her now made sense. Sort of. I felt like the proverbial human who after a drunken binge, wakes up to find himself married. I had no idea when we had "mated." But mate we did. Sort of. Marcus said so. And Father didn't deny it. So there.

Starched Shirt Edward primly suggested, "We might want to hold off explaining that to our new mate, considering you had been a cad to her the last time you spoke with her. You even were foolish enough to encourage her to seek courtship from other human males. And you have another problem."

"What is that?"

"She's just become the most eligible female in the immortal world. Marcus said your mate bond had potential. He did not say it was final. And since she's human, all those lost covens who still have human lines will want to steal her from you. Look around the room at the faces of the single males."

Jugurtha nodded and said, "He's correct."

Starched Shirt Edward chortled and pointed at me as he crowed, "Really, I want to see how you would forbid our dear little one from committing adultery with any human- or an immortal - given she does not know she's married. Even if it is in a heathen ceremony," he sniffed.

"Marcus is considered historically to be a saint, and we were married by him. So that should count in canon law." Starched Shirt Edward appeared hopeful and scurried off to the library to search through musty volumes. Thank God.

He had a point, the bastard. Jugurtha Predator looked at me in disgust and walked away.

"What? Don't look at me like that. Where were you when I needed you?"

Jugurtha said sadly, "I was there the entire time shouting at you as was he. You simply acted like we didn't exist. You should look to her welfare at present."

In her fragile state, I knew I had to be careful with her right now. My mind, on another level, furiously attempted to pen some kind of epic apology speech. And the muses, cruel wenches that they are, were standing in the corner sulking at me, arms crossed across their chests in solidarity with my unconscious Bella. Words to heal our breech simply escaped me, and I honestly did not know how I would explain my departure to her, once I had the chance.

When I had left, I had not lied to her. I genuinely had believed myself incapable of loving her. And I had not felt the spark I had always heard that true mates do. What was I going to say, "I'm sorry for being convinced I could never love a mere human like you?" or "I'm sorry I thought your glorious scent was the only thing about you that held any appeal and I was wrong? You have a great chess game, too? And breasts? And brain?" that would not go over well. And she did not appear to have much of a bust line any longer so that comment wouldn't work, either. How about, "We've just been married and you have to obey me as my mate. Forgive me? Vampire physiology says so."

She started to awaken, much to my concern. As her eyelids lifted, she tried to struggle, and stiffened like a corpse just shy of rigor mortis in my grasp. Gently, I shushed her, as the conversation around us continued in both Oscan and Umbrian. I had never thought myself capable of truly loving anyone. Now that I had all my human memories and was rational enough to use them, I realized just how much I had suffered by blocking all love from my life. At the same time, I genuinely experienced wonder as I gaped at my Bella, who refused to meet my adoring gaze, that eternal love for her could spring from a loathsome heart of darkness.

* * *

**Closing songs:**

**One Republic – Lullaby – the slideshow is gorgeous with this song**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=olTV9KMcOrk**

**I'll Be – Edwin McCain**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=T9nKD949G9c**

**

* * *

  
**

**Snarky Summary:**

**Jasper explained that phone business. And Edward walked in on the Volturi version of Thanksgiving, their one day out of the year when they feasted on crowds of humans. Except these weren't. Oops. Bella's birds are bigger than Edward's. Meaner, too. And she doesn't mean to brag, but they killed more immortals, too. Edward discovers a little secret about power that Bella's been hiding under her bushel. The Volturi were ambushed by Arria and the Gorgon. Skeevy, too. And poor Edward just found out that not only does he have the mother-in-law from hell, but HER mother is scarier than Genevieve. Fate has just made him her bitch. And he doesn't mean to be a complete bastard, but Edward is wondering if Arria is indeed Bella's mother, who the heck is her father? And how the heck is Bella fully human? (She's NOT a hybrid). Because he can't contemplate Arria deigning to even converse with Charles Swan, much less procreate with him. Me neither. And Bella now is the fairest of them all in the vampverse. Everyone wants a piece of her. . ..heart, yeah, that's it.**

**Stay tuned for the next episode of As the Plot Thread Churns….I mean As the Swan Spawn U-Turns…..no, I mean As the Human Turns. **

**And scrape your jaws off the floor. Starched Shirt Edward says so.**

**AN: Hopefully Jane's behavior with Tyler in the front arc takes on a different note, now that you see what happened to her. Marcus is one serious badass. Jasper is weeping with guy-envy. Oh, and I did tell you that I had a different explanation for why Bella Swan was so special? Here's the section of the story where you'll begin to learn why. **

**Sorry about that whiplash. Sorta. *beams innocently* What?**

**

* * *

  
**

**References:**

**1. Lorenzo Ghiberti created the Gates of Paradise in the 1400's I'd like to think the Volturi inspired it with their doors. Here's what they look like.**

**http://z (dot) about (dot) com/d/arthistory/1/0/1/Q/Ghiberti_Doors_03 (dot) jpg**

**And here's where you can learn more about them.**

**http://www (dot) smithsonianmag (dot) com/arts-culture/gatesofparadise-200711 (dot) html**

**If you are ever in Florence, Italy, I highly recommend seeing them.**

**2. Arria is confused in her historical facts about Churchill and Coventry:**

**http://www (dot) bletchleypark (dot) org (dot) uk/news/docview (dot) rhtm/497230**

**3. This is Prince Valiant:**

**http://www (dot) kingfeatures (dot) com/features/comics/pvaliant/about (dot) htm**

**4. Laocoon was a priest of Troy who tried to warn the Trojans about that pesky horse dealio. The gods killed him and his sons for his efforts. The sculpture is considered representative of the Hellenistic style. And I've never forgotten the emotion on his face.**

**http://www (dot) utexas (dot) edu/courses/introtogreece/lect4/jaLaokoongroup (dot) jpg**

**Here's a little history about the statue.**

**http://classes (dot) maxwell (dot) syr (dot) edu/his301-001/hellenistic_philosophy (dot) htm**

**5. Pablo Picasso's painting Guernica is iconic for also capturing human suffering:**

**http://web (dot) org (dot) uk/picasso/secret_guernica (dot) html**

**6. The Uffizi is a museum in Florence that is just gorgeous.**

**http://www (dot) uffizi (dot) com/**

**7. Raphael painted some amazing works. This is called the School of Athens, and I thought of it on the wall of the throne room:**

**http://www (dot) mathematicianspictures (dot) com/PHILOSOPHERS/images/SCHOOL_OF_ATHENS_PAINTING_Famous_Philosophers (dot) jpg**

**8. If you ever are in Italy, after seeing Florence, you might want to stop at Ravenna. Dante is buried there, but its history is wonderful:**

**http://www (dot) questia (dot) com/library/encyclopedia/ravenna-city-italy (dot) jsp**

**9. For more on the Roman army:**

**http://www (dot) roman-empire (dot) net/army/army (dot) html**

**10. And I didn't make up the whole lost legions deal. I just applied it to this story:**

**http://ancienthistory (dot) about (dot) com/od/imperialbattles/a/031209Varus (dot) htm**

* * *

**Douglas would like you to know that he is in no way related to that demon Gorgon woman or her daughter. Starched Shirt Edward is praying to Saint Jude the patron Saint of lost causes as there is no patron saint of vampires afflicted with the mothers-in-law from Hell, not to mention grandmother-in-laws from Hell. And he's noticing that those two women kind of sort of look a little aggressively at Main Edward. Jugurtha has decided that he can no longer secretly leer at Young to Me Old Power, or her Mother, because even he has standards. Dream Edward is feeling neglected in this storyline. He'd love to hear from you. Please review. It drives me nuts.**


	49. HOD pt 38 Suckiest Monster of Them All

**I dance around the room squeeing like a fangirl when I get a review. You all just floored me with your PM's, reviews, and messages on the thread for the last chapter, making it the most reviewed one yet on this site. Unfortunately, FF does not show it, but if you go to Twilighted, you'll see I answer every single one. I love hearing from you, learning about what your interests are, what struck you in the story, and the help that you give me to grow as a writer.  
**

**Thank you! **

**Thank you! **

**Thank you!**

**I have the best readers in the world. They spoil me so. :)**

**I am on twitter now with the pen name bookishqua.  
**

**

* * *

  
**

**Author's Note on Characterization: **I had a difficult time, as a reader, swallowing the plot line from NM that the idealized girl; who suffers what appeared to me to be a severe bout of clinical depression, a week of catatonia without medical intervention, months of auditory hallucinations, borderline anorexia, risk taking behavior, and suicidal tendencies, could be instantly "whole, complete" the second she lays eyes on her scumbag ex-boyfriend who left her to die, oh, and behaved like a yellow-bellied rat bastard varmint the last time they saw one another. Or, that the suicidal yellow-bellied rat bastard varmint ex-boyfriend, by the mere sight of her, is all better now after she bats her doe-like chocolate eyelashes at him, as they bond over people being slaughtered in a room a few feet away. I considered all of that to be a plot-hole the size of China. But maybe that's just me.

I am not going to insult your intelligence by trying to convince you with a _deus ex machina_ that either CC Edward or Bella could be emotionally cured in a nanosecond with a couple of sessions of intense therapy or with a supernatural laying of powers. Edward was most certainly out of his gourd in the last chapter. He also was literally starving to undeath; and that played a major role in his perceptions, decision-making, and behavior. Now that he's had a blood binge, you can expect him to show a little bit more rationality as reality starts to sink in. I have a psychologist friend who has helped me with my characterization of Edward. To "show" Edward starting to snap out of his seventy-five-plus year delusion, I have written him as noticing concrete details, (hey, her heartbeat is off). Since he's still not quite all there, that will be shown with unrealistic expectations of Bella (she'll forgive me as soon as she speaks, and we'll get married), over-optimism about his power, and his fear of discovery, and one biggie I'll leave for you to read. But, seriously he's finally on his way out of the mental prison he lived in for so long. And we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am doing a lot of tying up of subplots in this chapter in order to make way for BxE sections. If something confuses you, please feel free to ask me. There is no such thing as a bad question, and I hated teachers in school that made people feel silly for asking a question. You won't get that from me. Anything in the story is fair game so long as I am not revealing future plot points. You can PM me, I answer every one, leave a note on the thread at Twilighted, or in a review. What you should be seeing is crazy Edward behaving in a way that brings all sorts of attention to himself and Bella, and the implications of that.

As ever, thanks to all for reading. Books

* * *

*****This chapter contains mature content and themes***  
**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron and any original characters and plot lines associated with them are mine. So there.  
**

**Many Thanks to Fantasy Mother for beta-ing**

**Thanks as well to Alicedances for being my junior validating-beta**

**And to vjgm for being my senior validating beta, and entertaining me on Twitter.  
**

**Your reviews for the last chapter were just amazing. Thanks to all for reading. And thanks for all the reviews, posts on the threads, and PM's. Shout outs to my muses:**

**Eonini, aerobee82, fancastride, lovelifeX2, Nethead97, fearlesschick, dacoops, TwilightMomofTwo, ldybnny, yuliangel, Fitten, ChloeNine, Viridis73, Zen Nashton, avidreader69, austexfan, Mizra, Amortentia_4u, twibrarian88, LJ Summers, Forest Sentry Koneji, Kiki2485, writz, prettyflour, KayRad816, Codelina, Lady Dragona, Dawn Stimson, Solenoid Belle, mamato, jmolly, PurpleMadDragon, CindyWindy, luv4edwardcullen, haippa, dellatwi, PJAustin, AliciaZA, Treya, Angelbach, mhgood, justm, Mutt N. Feathers, RaquelnJake, durmstrangduck, Miss Poison, BugRehson, June, Grneyedhulagrl, Fleuritup, smiles, chloe9, shichi, Cullen Concession, tazz, blue2185, sexysadie13, sariedee, pomme_de_terre, lovebooks, pclo, antipyro, Merrisol, JaJiTaXx, BellaS, MsLessa, itanaru18, fanficreader83, silly sad sarah twilighted, JDPhaneuf, Siamecho, Robs_Muse, Katrela, karajgil, Disney Vampire, Mav, TraceyJ, Kaydence, Jenejes, redsoxlove, squarepancake, elphabacy35, Nyaris, dellatwi, Cullen Historian, and Cullen Pearl.**

* * *

**Songs for this Chapter:**

**Throw Your Arms Around Me by Mark Seymour:**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=S4XahjfsyJs

**My Irish Angel (live) Jonny Lang:**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=iC2vgIvP0lY

* * *

**Snarky Summary:**

**There are a few things you need to know from past chapters that may assist you in understanding this one. ****Vivinna, Marcus' mate known in the books as Didyme is known as "the Gorgon" to Edward and she is mother to Skeevy (real name is Cale) and Young to Me Old Power (real name is Arria). Victoria legally IS Jasper's wife, but when he married her, she went by the name Annie. Like him, when she became a vampire she took a vampire slaying pen name (His was Raphael). Make sense? Test at the end of the chapter. Kidding.**

**Edward put up barriers around Bella's spirit after the Gorgon used her as a sock-puppet, in order to protect her from having her heart stop again. Hezekiah recruited a few shaman geezer friends to help Edward guard the door, and Edward left them in charge when he dumped Bella. Speaking of which, I strongly suggest re-reading the break up scene from HOD pt 35. We learned on the visit to the O'Shea farm that Bella fell and broke her leg in the cave years ago, and spent hours in the frigid dank dark hole while being watched by the Following the Star Trek Prime Directive Fake Canadians. The late Eve, in an argument over that pesky "no Biting Bella" treaty, was accused of hating Bella. In the Sword of Damocles Chapter, Edward let Eve and the Fake Canadians know where they could stuff that particular piece of paperwork, and put them and a two thousand mile range of lost covens all on an involuntary hunger strike until Arria signed a new treaty with Jasper. The Cullens were attacked by various groups of immortals, and one named Phoenix, and they were aided in driving them off from their property by the Fake Canadians. In the battle, the Cullens captured two prisoners, Romanians that they took with them to Alaska for questioning. You might recall that Alice was turned by a vegetarian vampire named Benedict O'Farrell that Carlisle believes is his first cousin due to a distinctive signet ring he wore, and that Carlisle, Jane, Alec, and Edward are all related. **

**So last time we were together, Edward kinda sorta forgot about that whole extremely shy business; due in part to the combination of being a teensy bit temporarily freaking insane, and letting his inner child out to gad about the mountains of Italy. He did everything but dance on a table with a lampshade on his head at the Volturi's catacombed crib, and impressed all the vamp courtiers with his mad game, fashion sense (dressed like a legend, thanks to the Gorgon), his wolf powers that shoot green flames (there's another legend about those, too), his keen powers of observation that the Volturi were not good communicators (if he's that observant while nuts, just think what our boy dumber could do once his head is screwed . . . on straight, combined with an extra dose of snark.)**

**And lo and behold! His battered little bottle cap lives and appears to be every bit as demented as he is. Arria convinced JerkWard to permit Bella to observe a feeding in order to "encourage" her to want to stay human. Bitch. Edward planned on putting Bella to sleep, not THAT kind of sleep, Yeesh. Except for that whole Arria cockSleepBlocking move of hers. Double Bitch. Bella leapt into the gorefest fray and saved a set of toddler twins. Just between you and me, when I ponder the notion of Arria as a mother, I can't help but think, 'she would eat her young.' I also suspect she's got a picture of Medea hanging on her wall like a shrine to a patron saint. Just sayin'. **

**When it comes to a certain vampire named Cecelia who had been controlling Marcus (so she thought), Edward gave new meaning to the term power strip. Oh, and strip tease. Who's next? Oh, my bad. **

**Marcus' very undead mate, who Edward knows as the Gorgon, Vivinna, prances into the fortress accompanied by accessorized backup dancers, I mean venom-bladed to the fangs soldiers, and they are all wearing the symbol that all the warring clans had agreed upon would be worn by the winner of the war: the gyrfalcon. Marcus had a family reunion, and a little venomless coup on the side. Vivinna declared that Bella and Mary Alice are Marcus' granddaughters, and that Arria and Skeevy (whose real name is Cale) are his children. We saw a vision of how Vivinna and their children were attacked and separated. Marcus, Jane, and Alec all got ageovers. And in a concurrent vision, Alice figured out how she lost her memory and that Benedict and his family have been kept captive all these years by Caius. She ordered her family back with slice of 'oh, no you didn't!' on the side.**

**Surprise, Surprise - Edward just found out he's mated. Not THAT kind of mated. In his dreams. The vampire bond I've met my soulmate kind. Sort of. And Marcus pronounced them officially married. Sort of - due to that incomplete damaged mating bond. Edward is now tied to the VampVerse's hottest human. Every single male vampire in the world wants what Edward is . . .not having. And did I mention Edward does not play well with others? Runs with scentless daggers? And currently makes Liam look sane and temperate? And might be a wee bit sensitive and possessive considering the state of his mate and that pesky guilt/I was wrong combo that is currently running through his pickled brain?**

**Caius recently learned his son is the vampire equivalent of a ne'er do well hooligan. Aro's late daughter Eve, has freeze dried embryos somewhere hidden, so says guileless Arria. *Blink. Blink* **

**Edward's family has no idea he broke up with Bella (da-da-da-dumb or he's-so-fucking-dead, which ever works for you), as they have been incommunicado fighting for their undead existence in Alaska against bad guy Phoenix for the past eight months and went straight to Italy from there, wondering why Edward was not answering his cell phone. They are quickly realizing that Edward is bonkers. Since he's a mind reader and all, they are trying to question him without being too obvious about it. Marcus just pulled the ultimate ace in the hole by reanimating his three lost legions, so that throne room now has 18,000 more soldiers in it with awesome tats and slack-jawed Volturi brothers. The Gorgon and her daughter brought 110,000 vampires with them just to say 'howdy ya'll,' or the snotty Oscan version of it, most of which are surrounding the fortress.**

**Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder wanting me to tell you that when he said Bella's family tree was demented a few months back, he clearly spoke too soon. He doesn't mean to judge, but he suggests that they are definitely in need of some form of counseling and basketfuls of psychiatric medication. 'I mean, for crying out loud Marcus spent over 1,000 years away from his mate for what exactly? Who does that?' he just said. Main Edward thinks it would have been simpler to just, oh, kill Aro and Caius, and then take over the world. **

**Main Edward needs to focus on his own ass—ets, or lack thereof. The realization that Bella really meant what she said when she said the L word all those months ago is starting to percolate in his Swiss-cheese-like brain. Mentally, he's beginning the process of awakening from a seventy-five-plus-year-makes-Rip Van Winkle-look-like-a-rank-amateur mental delusion. He's holding Bella in his arms before God and avaricious-high-in-the-instep-vampires-from-over-eighteen-countries and his Dear Little Wet One is looking . . .bored. And unhygienic. And not at him. The Cullens, Carmen and Eleazar, the Gorgon and the Fake Canadians are all in the stadium-sized throne room, and Bella is lying in Edward's arms like a frozen fish, vacant expression and all. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

****Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness – Part Thirty-Eight - Edward Cullen: The Suckiest Monster of Them All  
**

While the immortals congregated in the throne room stared at Bella and me with perceptions ranging from shock to outright scheming, I reached out with my powers to my family. They had all noticed that Marcus' mate, Vivinna, was the Gorgon from the drawing at our house, and Father was flabbergasted. He had never seen a picture of her, so he had not recognized her from Rosalie's sketch. And he, along with the rest of the Vampverse, most definitely believed she was eons dead fertilizing the soil in Tuscany.

Emmett thought, _"Oh man, Edward beat that woman black and blue. He's toast. We've got to do something. And it would be an insult to crap the world over to say Eddie-boy looks like crap."_

Jasper's overactive tactician's brain had already devised his third contingency plan to spirit me out of the room undead, once Vivinna attacked. It was kind of him to decide he would be the one to kill her for me. Nothing says, 'I care,' in Jasper Whitlock's mind than slaughtering your supernatural nemesis for you. Like a vampire Hallmark, his plan made him feel like the protective big brother. I almost felt sentimental.

Jugurtha was momentarily misty-eyed thinking about it from a professional courtesy standpoint.

Not caring that I understood every word, Jasper said at vampire pitch in Xeta, the rare dialect from Brazil, "Both Edward and Bella look awful. We need to leave as quickly as we can. Father, can you start an appropriate farewell speech?" Apparently, he and the rest of the family seemed to believe I had lost my mind. I would have to show them otherwise.

One comment in a foreign language at vampire pitch would be overlooked in this room, an entire conversation, however, would appear rude, and definitely attract even more notice. I linked minds with my Parents, Carmen and Eleazar and siblings, and placed shields around so no one nosy, meaning the entire stadium, could hear, and asked the Shamans to make it look like we spoke some drivel in English about the weather to those that surrounded us. In the unlikely event the immortals in the room could break past the barrier, I doubted they understood Geman Deng, a language spoken by two hundred souls in China. Taking those steps should show my family I was sane.

"_That is the Gorgon," _I stated the obvious in Geman Deng at vampire pitch and speed, and gave Father a confused look.

Father took that in stride. Appearing to all outsiders eerily calm, he said, _"Edward, are you shielding us?"_

"_Yes. You are the only ones who can see the ring around us. As long as it's up, they cannot hear our thoughts, and I've asked the spirits to make it sound like we are discussing the weather. I've never tried that trick before so we don't have long. Take heed, there are several mind readers in the room with power like mine. I'm blocking them right now." _I showed the five faces of those vampires to my family, and neglected to mention that two of them were actually quite strong. Jasper noticed wryly that they were all trying to stand within range to listen. They were about to get disappointed.

I asked the spirits ever so nicely in Quileute if the second those blood suckers tried to use their powers to spy on me or mine, they would get a shock equivalent to a vampire version of a cattle prod, and not be able to use their powers for a week. That seemed fair. Spiteful, too. The spirits rubbed their hands together in glee and intoned the Quileute equivalent of, "Fine. Just this five times." As the Quileute knowledge had unraveled a bit more in my mind, I now could "see" this collection of flames in my mind that I took to be the actual form of them when I spoke to the spirits, which was new.

Father said,_ "The second I saw her, I remembered the drawing Rosalie made of her, which dear, was exceptional."_ Rosalie almost reacted with a smile, but retained smooth features, returning the bold stares of the press of brightly dressed immortals that surrounded us. Father continued, _"We do not have long to confer." _He spoke at an impressive rate faster than normal vampire speed and pitch. Father offered a brief history lesson, _"We've been under the impression that Marcus' entire family was killed in an ambush by the Walachian Romanians over a thousand years ago when they were negotiating a treaty to fight together."_

Jasper said, _"But they were under a truce. And the Walachian Romanians were their main rival."_

Father nodded, "_Exactly, if both houses united, it would have ended the war. Marcus eradicated the Walachian clan, and then came to Volturi and had a breakdown. He has not left the fortress since."_

Mary Alice said, _"But we still have Romanians running around who hate him. Like the one we captured."_

Father said,_ "They are from the same country, but they are not related as they came from different clans. Marcus was brutal with the Walachians, and from what I understand, no one has ever been able to top his performance in battle. The sight of Marcus waking up mentally sound and reunited with his family most assuredly has people sweating. The fact that he has vastly outnumbered the Volturi here and now, should also have Caius and Aro in a panic, because he's the strongest one of them, and the fear of him has helped keep them in power. And Marcus is not going to be pleased when he finds out about the Romanian we had and what we learned from him before he died."_

I said, _"And that would be?"_

Eleazar nodded as if shocked with static electricity, "_Sorry, Edward. The Romanians are claiming – well they are about to – claim they have one of Marcus' children."_

"_What are they planning on asking in return?"_

"_Marcus' head." _Jasper said that like he was commenting on the sports section of the paper, which in vampire terms, he was. If it were not for the fact that we were being scrutinized by thousands, he would have snorted in disdain. Visions of Jasper torturing that Romanian fluttered through my mind; and my, did he take an entirely new meaning to the term job satisfaction.

I said to Jugurtha, "Make a mental note to avoid Jasper when he has a vampire bladed carrot peeler."

Jugurtha scribbled in our planner and said, "You need to hurry this conversation along, you are running out of time. And what Jasper did was efficient and awesome."

Rosalie said, _"So I guess that leaves me to mention the white elephant in the room. How is Bella related to that family? She's human."_

Carmen said, "_Someone as powerful as Vivinna would not make a claim like that in front of a crowd like this if she wanted to be taken seriously."_

I said, _"Everyone in the room believes she crafted Bella using her power like some vampire immaculate conception."_

Eleazar said, _"Vivinna came from the most powerful clan with the purest bloodlines. She married Marcus because there was a seer that predicted that from Marcus' house would emerge vampires that would change the world. Aro's sole claim to fame is that he was her half-brother through their mother, because his father's clan was small. Aro was the military leader when Marcus was a newborn, and he lost four of Marcus' sons all in one poorly planned battle. Marcus got their mutilated heads sent to him by a clan from Germany."_ I cringed when I read in Eleazar's mind what Marcus had done in response. Ew.

Mother put her hand over her mouth, _"I cannot even think of how it would feel to lose four all at once. Eleazar, how many children did Marcus have?"_

Eleazar said, _"No one knows._"

Mary Alice said, _"Weren't unacknowledged children considered illegitimate? Or am I getting my history periods wrong?"  
_

Carmen said, _"That was true in Europe in the feudal system. During the Vampire wars, people stopped revealing the size of their families because they feared the heirs would be targeted. Marcus would not say how many children he had and he would not show them in public.  
_

Eleazar said, _"Aro was better than most, and won more than he lost. At first, no one really strategized in the battles because they figured they could always turn more humans. He loved those young men, and losing them all at once due to his carelessness, I think, sucked the military ambition out of him because it is written he never set foot on a battlefield again. Marcus took over and changed everything."  
_

Rosalie said,_ "We're going to have to fight these people for Bella. They're going to try to use her."  
_

Father said,_ "I know, and I'll handle it." _I could sense him planning to use his power on the entire damn room if necessary to save Bella from being locked in a fortress never to see the light of day again. _"Edward, I know you are worried. I'm closest to Marcus of all the brothers because I treated him for depression, and was the only one who could get him to talk."  
_

The depression part would explain the state of his ransacked by a madman room I found in their old quarters and why his signet ring had been abandoned. Wincing, I decided he probably received the news of the attack on his family in that very room by the damage done to it.

Mary Alice said,_ "So in that vision, we saw how his family was attacked?"  
_

Carmen clarified, _"We saw how some of his family died and were separated. Especially those poor children.  
_

Eleazar sighed and said, "_No one really knew anything beyond they all died one night and the Walachian Romanians did it in a sneak attack. This is why the Romanians in the present claiming to have his son actually has teeth. And Marcus – well he was in such a bad state that no one ever mentioned it. And no one is going to say it out loud, but politically, we have a problem every bit as important as this coup. Vivinna's entire clan was believed to have been eradicated that night."  
_

We all glanced at him. Our entire conversation had taken seconds.

He continued, _"If Vivinna lived, who knows how many of her relatives are alive? Her father was the closest thing to a king the clans had. And her younger brother was being groomed to take his place."  
_

Father said, _"So we do not know who is really in charge. Vivinna's family? Or Marcus? Or both? And everyone in the room knows they have to pick a side quickly."  
_

Jugurtha whistled, "You have to give her points for sheer audacity in her brilliance. She literally walked right in wearing the symbol of the victor of the Vampire wars and took this place over without breaking a nail."

I sniffed, "It's not like it was hard."

"True, because you paved the way for her. Don't think everyone in the room doesn't appreciate that fact. You are being considered the main lieutenant of this coup by everyone in the room who is not in on the plan. And my vote is to do nothing to dissuade people from thinking that. It excuses away all your past behavior as being a distraction."

"You once again earned the title 'manager of mayhem.' I adore your plan. I vote, 'yes,'" and we both turned to Starched Shirt Edward who peered up from a Bible and nodded.

Father said, _"There is no good time to tell him this, but we need to as soon as possible. Edward, please ask Vivinna and Marcus to step inside the circle."  
_

I said to Marcus and his mate, _"Father has something urgent to discuss with you. If you step through the ring,"_ I made it visible to them and left the rest of the room out of the matter, _"we can discuss this in private."  
_

They both stepped through the ring, waving away others.

Marcus said, _"Carlisle, it is good to see you well. Edward told us you were having troubles."_

Father said, _"We have spent the last eight months fighting for our lives in Alaska from a rebellion led by a vampire named Phoenix. He is still alive, and we managed to defeat him enough that we could escape. We took a prisoner, a Romanian, who boasted that they have one of your sons."_

Marcus said, _"Do you have any idea of how many people have made that claim over the past thousand years? Particularly Romanians?"_

Father said, _"I know. But he had this on him."_ He extended a medallion, one that was a different color than the one worn by Mary Alice and Bella. It had a bright canary yellow stone.

Vivinna stared at it and said, _"That cannot be." _Momentarily, she appeared aghast.

Marcus said, _"I did not order any made in that color. They're lying. But it is a clever fake, aside from the stone."_

Vivinna said, _"No, they speak the truth."_

All eyes turned to her.

Marcus smiled wickedly at his bride and said, _"Darling, aside from our youngest son Cale, did you manage to have another child without remembering to tell me?" _He left off the "one that you misplaced for a millennium," part.

Vivinna said, _"I had the seer make the yellow ones for my brother's children."_ We all turned to stare at Aro, _"Not him,"_ she said sadly, _"The other one."_

Marcus said, _"My dove, we will have to add in eradicating Romania into the plan. Do we have time for it?"_

Vivinna said, _"I will make it,"_ with blood in her eye.

Jugurtha said, "Remember the man in the vision who carried her to safety? That was her brother, the one from the royal line. If the Romanians have his child, all hell really will break loose."

"Get ready to burn," I said. "From what I can gather from Jasper's memory, the man gleefully shared the news."

Marcus said, _"Did the Romanian give a name?"_

Father said, _"He did. Rasce."_

Lovely. That was the name that belonged to Arria's missing twin brother. I was definitely inspired to have to find that man because he was complicating my life. And what reasonable vampire hung out with childhood kidnappers for a millennium?

The Gorgon all but hissed and spat venom. Marcus put a soothing hand on her shoulder.

He said,_ "As soon as we are done here, I think we should pay our long lost friends a visit."_

"_With all of our men,"_ She smiled and actually appeared happy, which was terrifying.

Marcus asked Father, _"Which clan did he claim?"_

Father said, _"He claimed he was Carpathian."_

Marcus snorted, _"Was his tattoo poorly done?"_

Jasper said with a fond smile, _"It was, as a matter of fact."_

Marcus said, _"That means he's being held by the Transylvanians. They liked to copy the venom tattoos of other houses and put them on their spies. It's a very good chance they are telling the truth."_

The Gorgon said, _"There's no way they could have Rasce."_

Father asked, _"Why?"_

The Gorgon said, _"The name was rare so they could not have guessed it by chance. Rasce's nurse did not even know his name when we were separated. And aside from my family, only yours has ever heard the name. Our children and nieces that died that night did not live past the first fall of the sword, so they could not have talked. We never told the public how many children we had, or what their names were until they set foot on the battlefield and were introduced to others. They have my nephew, Vel, and he's been lying to them to stay alive,"_ she beamed.

Marcus said, _"We've talked long enough. We should break the circle."_

Because I had been talking with my family, acting unconcerned holding my beloved Grandmaster as if I had not a care in the world, and shocking the venom from five-no-longer-for-the-next-week-able-to-read-minds vampires, I did not appreciate the significance of the approaching feet.

Jugurtha had made an astounding observation. "Eleazar never said what Marcus did with the heads of his four sons."

Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, and I stared at the lost legionnaires, searching for a familiar scent. We were not old enough to detect by blood alone, unfortunately. If Marcus' sons had been raised, he had kept quiet about them, and they had not identified themselves to the room.

Jugurtha said, "It's not like her to ask her husband in public 'Say, did you manage to regenerate our sons?' especially if he failed."

We were so engaged, that we were surprised by the most mundane of things. People.

They were not a threat. Initially, I had dismissed them as more troops wearing scented robes. Then I started hearing their thoughts, and they were awfully loud in comparison to the previous crowd with not a single vampire blade among them. Unfortunately.

We saw another crowd being led into the stadium sized throne room from another door, and belatedly realized this one consisted entirely of humans.

Vivinna said, "As distasteful as I find it, they can't live. We'll not interfere."

Several in the mortal crowd did double takes as they saw a Volturi guard holding his detached arm and being assisted in reattaching the limb so it would regenerate. There was no turning back now.

Starched Shirt Edward placed the Bible aside and cried, "We cannot sit by and watch more humans be slaughtered. Not with the power we have. It must be put to use in the name of God." He stamped his foot.

Arria's platitude about making difficult decisions echoed hollowly in my mind.

Jugurtha said, "_You_ did not kidnap them. And you have to prioritize. Bella and your family are your first priority. And you are trying to get her out of here alive. God would agree."

"It still does not make me feel better. I could hand her off to Emmett and go kill the vampires. Or," the thought struck me remembering the surge of power I had felt in her arms, "I could hold her and do it even better, too." I started gathering power from us both.

Starched Shirt Edward tugged on my sleeve and said, "I have a better idea," and whispered into my ear. He had been reading a bit too much of the Spanish Inquisition and Old Testament, but I liked the pipsqueak's plan. And Bella's behavior disturbed me. She stared right through me and everyone else.

Jugurtha said, "You need to continue to show everyone watching that you are caring for her and that she belongs to you. If she starts shrieking that you are a soulless narcissist in front of this crowd, the results could be lethal."

While I agreed with his point, I was not foolish enough to think that the story of how she had greeted me was not going to spread like wolf fire. And her mother was still blocking my ability to use my power to make her fall asleep, damn the wench. Although I was irritating her right back because I had our family shielded, her daughter, too.

"Soon you'll be gone, with her in hand, surrounded by troops, and it won't matter because she's clearly ill and everyone can tell that. Enough of these immortals are old enough to believe the fragile little female stereotype blarney we're going to feed them. Stick to the plan. Or we could say she was in on the plan and that was her contribution to getting Arria in the door." Jugurtha chided. Right. That.

"_Edward,"_ Father thought, _"why isn't she asleep?"_

"_Arria is blocking my ability, and I have not figured out, short of directly attacking her, a way to prevent it,"_ I admitted, mortified inside, serene before all, a brief plea in my eyes. _"I do not have sedatives, and I obviously cannot club her over the head." _

What was a bastardly vampire to do? Our mate bond might appear questionable if I held my hand over her mouth, cutting off her oxygen supply to make her faint. So that was not an option either. Drat. Kissing her in public to the same effect would be grotesque.

Some of Marcus soldiers surrounded our group. The other seventeen thousand five hundred stood in formation at the opposite end of the feeding ground. Marcus said to those soldiers on the far end, "Remain here until I call for you. Do not feed on humans."

Our family bonding ended at that point. Well, at least the talking part. I lowered the barrier of power that shielded us from being overheard.

Emmett had to grab Jasper again as the smell of the human crowd and the emotional toll from them hit him. More of them began to sense that all might not be right by the longing-in-all-the-wrong-ways stares from the immortals scattered in the room who were casually moving to encircle them. This time Emmett had Skeevy's help. The twins my dear little one had rescued from the first feeding slept in Rosalie and Esme's protective arms as they stepped out of Jasper's struggling path. Jasper shook as the force of the humans' emotional force combined with the blood lust from every vampire in the room. It actually took two more Legionnaires to hold him. We needed to leave. Now. Marcus nodded in assent. I was tempted to send my brother to sleep, but Jugurtha said the more we could get people's attention off of Bella and me, the better, and Jasper radiating bloodlust and confusion to the immortals and humans in the room certainly did the trick.

I swung a bewildered Bella around the room as she stared wide-eyed at the huge crowd of humans that huddled in the center of the room, captivated by the glorious paintings, and about to die. Her lips moved, but no sound emerged.

Every vampire that was not eyeing his or her prey stared at us. Arria appeared smug, satisfied Bella had learned her lesson. I was going to have to do something about that.

In a cheerful tone, I said out loud in English, "Dearest, you have a choice. Go with me or stay and observe another feeding. As entertaining as that might be watching human-dependent vampires in the wild, please think of the children. They need us."

I nodded towards the twins she had risked her neck to spare. I was, I realized, a complete and utter bastard to hurt her this way, given her state of health and our rude parting, and I had managed to offend numerous human blood-dependent vampires. I would not be losing sleep over that last part.

But I could not afford a scene. That would cause even more problems, as I heard the single male vampires examining her and speculating. Several decided that our vampire mate bond must not be that solid after all and she could be fair game. I now held in my arms the most eligible human being in the immortal world. Marvelous. When I had envisioned men lining up to date her months ago in my stupidity, this was not precisely what I had in mind, thank you very much, Lady Fate, you bitch.

Using a gentler tone when she made no response I said, "Bella, I have to get you out of here now, you really do not want to be here in the next minute. Please hold still. Sweetheart, you are so thin, I am afraid your bones could snap."

She sighed, closed her eyes, and stopped wriggling. It was not like I would have dropped her. But still. One needed to maintain appearances. She was mine. All mine. Vampire physiology said so.

And if her alleged mother did not stop interfering in my ability to care for my bride, I was going to have to do something ungentlemanly. Scratch that, by rights I was going to have to do something ungentlemanly for her blocking me from sending Bella to sleep in public and in front of her family. It was the only way to make a point with her.

"Get Bella out of the room first. Stalk your prey later. I'll come up with some plans," Jugurtha counseled.

"Fine," I agreed, "Pencil in a vengeance and public humiliation session for Arria. She's earned it." Jugurtha took out my planner and grinned.

Starched Shirt Edward said nothing, which meant he voted 'yes.' He stared down his nose at Young To Me Old Power.

I felt like the world's biggest hypocrite carrying my human out of the room and knowing all the others would soon be dead. Father felt much the same as he gritted his teeth in frustration as we turned for the door. One mind in particular of the soon to be lunched-in-an-Italian-eatery-in-an-entirely-new-manner humans stood out mentally more than the others. I cocked my head to one side and stared at a Canadian schoolteacher and her twenty elementary school students who held hands and gaped at the room, too young to realize what was about to occur. Several of the youngsters pointed at the paintings and whispered in awe. Someone, it seemed, had requested Canadian children from that region as she had a particular affinity for their sweet blood with a fruity top note. I located that one leaning against the wall, a female from Aro's era named Sabine.

As the unnaturalness of the immortals in the room began to occur to the crowd, they started shifting in panic. The expression in the Canadian school teacher's brown eyes reminded me of another pair, and I could not take it any more. I decided to go with part of Starched Shirt Edward's plan and make the rest up as I went along. And that Sabine shrew was history.

I sent the frightened human to sleep and constructed a fortified shield around the Canadian schoolteacher's body, and those of the twenty elementary school children around her from her class.

Skeevy hissed, "Youngling, what are you doing?"

"Growing a spine, ridgeling, and taking the high road. You should try it."

And then I thought, 'What the heck? Why not go for broke and make a dominant show of force to the rest of the hungry immortals in the room?' With a jaunty wave, I ever so nicely asked the Quileute spirits for aid in saving those poor mortals from slobbering snotty aristocrat human blood suckers. They were overjoyed to offer assistance, and sent the entire crowd of humans to sleep, and shielded them all with verdant flames. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear Hezekiah's shaman geezer friends chortling with glee. I definitely heard one shout, "Take that, bloodsuckers!"

Sabine started shrieking at vampire pitch that I had stolen her dinner and by rights I should die. I thanked heavens that my dear little one did not understand Oscan, but did not like the idea of anyone shrieking in my direction when I had her in my arms. So I asked the powers to make an example out of Sabine and they gleefully went above what even I had envisioned. She exploded and splattered every vampire within forty feet with stinky ash as a green light that resembled a fist hit her from the circle that surrounded the children.

I could feel the raw power radiating from the school teacher, and was shocked the Volturi had not recognized it. Even more, I was repulsed that the Gorgon had not thought to at least save the children in the crowd. It was rude to set a recently reunited after a millennium of suffering mated pair at odds, so I took exceptional satisfaction in ignoring the outraged Cabbage-head Skeevy and benignly saying aloud to Marcus, "The human that is glowing the most has power like I have never felt in any mortal. We could use her. And snacking on children is distasteful. Rude, too. And snacking _in front of_ children is barbaric. And your daughter interfered with my attempts to shield my bride from having to witness the last feeding. So I am not sorry to say Vivinna, thanks to Arria, dinner is not being served." My mild tone only reached the few ears nearby and word spread rapidly through the stadium-sized room packed like sardines with immortals. Hungry immortals. So Arria was now being blamed as the party pooper. Hah. Considering that Sabine was older than almost everyone in the room, the ease with which I had dispatched the harpy was duly noted as the afflicted wailed that the green ash would never come off of Prada or Armani or whatever rags they wore.

Arria snorted in her mind as she stared at the falling ash, _"You've used this tactic before. It's not very creative."_

"_True,"_ I said back, _"But it makes you look bad in front of your family, and angers the hungry immortals in the room who I promise you, now blame you for denying them their feast, so that's an added bonus. Remove your shield from Bella. I never intended for her to see more than a second. What you did to her was insurmountably cruel."_

"_I can't."_ She actually sounded regretful.

"_And why would that be?"_ We were interrupted by the roar from the throne.

Caius stood from his chair and stalked towards the green circles of fire that burned around the mortals. He banged his fist against the wolf ring once, and yelped as it burned his flesh. His lackeys ran to do absolutely nothing, but stare at his smoking palm.

One whispered, "Dear Gods," and pointed, hand over her mouth.

"What are you staring at?" Caius made an effort to sound calm despite that whole pain business.

"Sir, your hand."

Caius lost that whole lordly demeanor as he gaped at the tattoo of a growling wolf appeared on the outside of his right hand and became more detailed before his disbelieving eyes. He barked in Oscan, "We can't just let them leave. They know where we are! And what the Hell is this on my fist?"

I snatched the thought that came into his outraged mind, "Benedict O'Farrell can take care of that problem with his gift. They'll never remember a thing. And you now have a permanent mark courtesy of me. I hope you like wolves. Who else wants one?" I used the tone the teacher used when passing out candy.

Emmett said to Rosalie, "I've never seen him like this. What the Hell?"

Marcus said to an aide as he pointed at the Canadian school teacher, "We're taking that one with us." I permitted the aide to pass through the barrier and retrieve the woman. From the applause as he emerged, you would have thought he had completed one of Hercules' trials. And when the crowed quickly realized that she was not going to be a vampire appetizer, they moaned.

To be spiteful, I asked the spirits if they would mind putting a damper on that whole smelling good problem the mortals had. I did not want them to have the distinctive putrid smell of the wolves, as fun as that might have been, because that could give away the tribe. So we agreed they should simply not smell at all for the near present.

Jasper's incessant growling at the rapidly disappearing scent of the sleeping humans was irritating and distracting me. Marcus settled the matter by grabbing Jasper himself and thwacking him on the forehead, with a "Discipline!" bark. My, it captured my brother's immediate attention. The right hand wrapped around the back of his neck aided in that effort, too, I suspect.

Marcus asked me, "You have the power to do this to the entire crowd?"

"Tattoo them with my new nifty clan sign, or make them forget?" Sometimes this talking business proved entertaining. Mentally I taunted Arria, _"Had you not interfered with my bride, the room would be snacking in peace."_ Which totally was a bald-faced lie. I think.

Refusing to even glance in my direction, she squared her shoulders and adopted an even more determined expression. No paternity test needed on that one. She and her father had the same forehead and shoulders. And height. Not so sure on the intelligence, though, as Marcus was a hard act to follow. I could see her from the minds of others surreptitiously studying Bella.

Father said, "I have not seen a limit on Edward's power to keep someone asleep, although he's never used it on a crowd this large. Benedict O'Farrell is actually my first cousin. Edward, what did you learn about him?"

"He's been kept here as a prisoner of Caius with his family since Alice was turned, and has exceptional skill at erasing memories." That answered the, 'what happened to my sister's past,' question. Mary Alice momentarily appeared relieved.

Marcus said, "I see. Brothers dear, I suggest you develop an affinity for a different diet." He threw each of them a pack of the algae.

Marucs said to Aro, "My granddaughter has seen enough death today."

Legionaries moved to encircle us. What was scary about them to the rest of the immortals that noticed, except me, was that Marcus' recently revamped soldiers moved faster than the average Volturi Guard vampire. I was faster. But still. We sped from the room into a honeycombed hallway and took a passage following Demetri's lead.

We had reached one level above the throne room when suddenly Mary Alice was hit with a vision. Benedict and other vampires in a dark cell screamed while calm-faced guards dismembered them; and another that showed the same immortals casually tossing their detached body parts into a roaring fire. They were competing to see who had the best aim with the heads, like some morbid basketball game. My poor sister stopped in her tracks.

Jasper bumped into her from behind he was so close, and said, "Alice?" He felt her fear and despair. And the entire group halted in the passageway and turned to stare. We were far enough away from the throne room to where Bella could not smell or hear anything.

The Gorgon said, "Is she having a fit?" Surely she could not have a defective relative.

Father answered, "She merely had a vision. Alice, are you well?"

"_I'll find them Mary Alice, I swear. Now that I have decided that, can you see anything?"_ I silently promised my quivering in rage sister.

"I saw a group of men murdering Benedict and his family, and throwing their bodies into a fire." To my mind she said, _"No, Edward I don't. Please hurry. I owe him my life."  
_

Marcus said, "Child, I did not order that to be done," in a placid tone.

Emmett said, "Then someone else did. Were they legionnaires, Alice?"

I showed the group the vision as she answered.

"No," she said in a stronger voice, "notice how they wore the black cloaks of the guard? I have never seen them before."

"I have. They're inept," Marcus said mildly. "Are your visions definitive?"

"No. They change if decisions are made that impact their outcome."

While she answered, I used the Quileute equivalent of the white pages. Jugurtha said it was more like Facebook, but I had never read that author, so could not comment. Using the descriptions from her prophecy, I extended my senses throughout the fortress while channeling power from Bella. Now, I was feeling irritated again.

"Eight levels below," I said.

Emmett said, "His voice just got all far away and freaky again. And Bella's eyes are glowing white. She looks like a scarecrow with flashlights for eyes."

Arria held her tongue and blocked her thoughts and those of her men. Wench.

Mother said, "Give him time, Emmett. We can't do anything about Bella just now, but I'm sure if that was dangerous we would know by now," she gestured at my bride's blazing sclera.

I showed them what I found. Eight levels below, I noticed five guards huddled outside a cell door. They were sulking. On the other side of the cell door, Benedict stood in front of his mate, calculating the best way to kill the fools. He and his wife Mary jumped as I placed a shield over the door, which went completely unnoticed by the Mentally-Challenged Goon Squad.

A tall thin blond one named Gustavo with inappropriately long hair groused, "Lucky us to miss the feast to do Caius' dirty work."

I doubled the shield. No one even blinked.

Marcus almost smirked, and said, "Edward, cover every door on that level and the four below." Excellent idea.

"Why not with shields three times as thick and bright?" Jugurtha suggested.

"It's not fair. I've been waiting for this day all year long," whined a short Ecuadorian name Pepe. "I'm so hungry I'm seeing flashing lights." He fanned at himself.

A taller and broad chested man over-optimistically named by his mother Raj, from Samoa, studied the ground and said, "We forgot to bring more equipment. It will take several trips to the furnace to dispose of the bodies. We should have brought a box or something."

Gustavo said, "We don't have the time. We have to be quick." From his thoughts, Caius had not specifically ordered their deaths back in the throne room, but Gustavo could tell. He wanted to get ahead in the influence game. He would definitely be promoted for this.

Rosalie said, "We handled more bodies than that without trouble." She left out the swallowing up by the earth part.

Shifting from foot to foot, with his hands on his waist, Pepe said, "Gods, the furnace is five tunnels down. This is going to take forever." He threw his arms open in frustration on the last word.

Two others, hulking giants named Hans and Franz, nodded, "Ya, ya. This is true. We will carry more since you three are such ergonomic girlie men." They did not seem to notice the glares they received. One was distracted by the beauty of his bicep, the other by…..never mind.

If this was the best Caius could produce in terms of death squads on short notice, then he should be embarrassed, and Father, Jasper, Eleazar, Emmett, Rosalie, Arria, Skeevy, and the Gorgon all chimed thoughts that translated as, "Gracious me, couldn't they commit cold-blooded murder right?"

These Volturi were amazing! How did they rule the Vampverse so long? Really. Impotent Imbeciles. And what did Lord Almighty In a Tight Spot Caius expect to happen when his unasked for, but sincerely felt wish came true? Marcus had clearly ordered the family released, and then they turn up ashes, "Oops? Bad record keeping? Who me? I never ordered this." Someone needed to go back to school to study Dastardly Planning 101.

Marcus offered me the privilege of seeing into his thoughts. From my studies I had read he had been revered as a brilliant general. Now, I understood why. He could mentally communicate at will with every one of his men. Effortlessly. And distance did not seem to be a factor at all. That would be an incredible advantage in a battle. Jasper was going to be beside himself, and most likely set up an altar to revere his new god of all things war-like. Mars, move over, we had a new deity of battle.

Marcus sent out a mental order to his men, showed them the vision, and ordered the snorting guards to hasten to the room now that they had the precise location. Caius had deliberately been vague as to where the family was being held to buy time, another torch in his pyre. They were four floors away.

Jugurtha sniffed, "Decidedly unprofessional. That's the best he could do discreetly since he could not send anyone obvious. Pathetic."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I'm not praying for their immortal souls."

Marcus said, "Edward, what can you do to stop this while my men are on their way?" He did not notice that his daughter was about to offer her services. She wiped her face blank at his words.

Jugurtha said, "Making her look good in front of her father will definitely score you some points after embarrassing her in public.

I smirked, "Watch." I held out my hand to Arria and said to her parents, "Your daughter and I work well together, and I think she would only make this better." Acting like we held hands all the time, she took mine in hers linking up with the power Bella supplied. Frankly, I could not help but pity the poor man Marcus decided to pair her with, she had _the_ coldest hands. But I digress. . . I felt like my head was going to implode and by the fraction of a grimace on her face, she must have agreed.

Jasper said, "You're not going to blow them up or anything are you?" he sounded hopeful. Arria rolled her eyes. Skeevy appeared intrigued. I had already done that to a few in the throne room they recalled. Skeevy suffered from gift-envy.

"No." What I had planned was even better. Okay fine, Arria had quite the fiendish imagination. So I adjusted accordingly, after she smacked me around spiritually once or twice to convey her point. I could be reasonable.

Eight levels below us, the goon Gustavo cajoled, "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can eat. They might have leftovers."

The rest nodded in annoyance. Summoning the spirits, I lifted the guards into the air after taking a page out of Genevieve's notebook; and slammed them repeatedly on the ground, and at Arria's bequest, against the shielded doors. I could not help it if every time their flesh made contact with a shield; they gained a new smoking-hot-in-an-entirely-new-way-tattoo of a wolf. They should have worn more clothing, Arria chided. And green was about ready to become the new black. Mary Alice said so. Arria was not sure what that meant. We blended our minds into a single force, and then things became really entertaining. We decided, as Hezekiah would say, 'to tear the roof off the joint.'

Moving through the barrier, guided by Arria, I spirit walked into the noisome cell where Benedict stood in front of his mate. _"Hello, Mary and Benedict. Alice Brandon of Mississippi and Carlisle Cullen sent me. I've shielded your door."_ Both recovered from their surprise quickly enough to be a Cullen.

"_Carlisle, my cousin?" _he asked. _"How did Alice find him?"_ He recalled desperately hoping somehow his one relative that he did know of could find her as they were dragged away by the guard. Mary put her forehead against his back and smiled, and traced his spine with a knuckle in a soothing pattern. Her other daughter had been found, after all.

I sent the thoughts to Mary Alice who smiled, "See, I wasn't abandoned."

Instead of answering, I sent Benedict and Mary an image of Father's ring with the family crest.

Arria smited me across the side of my head to convey, I suspect, that I should be more talkative. She said in my ear, _"Repeat after me. I am your blood relative, descended from Carlisle."_ I recited those words because they sounded good. How she knew that connection, I had no idea.

"_Please, can you protect my other children?"  
_

I stood out of the guards' sight, my back against the wall. Behind him, Benedict's mate squeezed his hand in support. His face offered no sign of our conversation, in case the guards actually looked at him and exerted the mental force to become suspicious. They were preoccupied with their never to be had dinner. They clearly lacked the imagination to think Benedict's long lost cousins stood upstairs, that Marcus had carried out a coup, and that they were about ready to be schooled by me. Fine. We.

"_Consider it done,"_ I said.

He showed me what they looked like. We found them easily three floors down in separate cells. Arria sent the information to Marcus, who informed his men. Watching her link minds with her father fascinated me. He was so gentle with her, and she seemed remote. Two of Bella's birds were delighted to act as escorts to speed things along, and literally falling through the earth, appeared outside the correct cell doors. Alas, they lacked proper communication skills as although tearing off the now unshielded by me door was most definitely a way to obtain someone's attention, it did not work in the 'I come in peace,' fashion. I had Benedict and Mary send words of encouragement to their children, who were having none of that nonsense, and refused to leave their cells, suspecting a Volturi trick. Lovely. Now I had to be in five places at once.

We left Benedict and Mary and at Arria's bequest, I appeared in front of the gawking in three different cells children simultaneously doing the, 'Hey there, I am your long lost cousin and if you follow the glowing bird, I'll take you to see your parents. Really. Scout's honor.' Well, I would have done that if I had any skill at talking. So instead, I showed them the family crest and waved with a smile that I hoped appeared inviting, seeing as this being in multiple places at once business kinda sorta hurt.

When that did not work, Arria impatiently lifted each by the scruff of the neck and dragged them to the world's second most awkward family reunion. Once they saw each other, that seemed to do the trick, but Arria was having none of that. Since they had been so stubborn, she kept them moving right along. They floated behind the birds through the passages on their way towards us, and had the good sense to remain silent. Marcus' squad was two floors away and approaching fast.

Marcus said, "We've done all we can, we must go forth. We are behind schedule."

So we began running. It was not a challenge to scheme and move and care for my dear little Grandmaster all at once. Fine, it totally was, since I had to run with Arria holding my upper arm, but somehow being linked with Young To Me Old Power helped. Somewhat.

And my, when Marcus told his men to hasten to the room that held Benedict and Mary, they were fast. Arria and I had considered sending the birds, but had decided it would embarrass her father and therefore, did not interfere. Much.

Arria had never heard of the NBA, but enjoyed my suggestion. Irritated at Caius, I literally bounced the rogue guard's bodies like basketballs all the way through the caverns, causing much amusement to the legionnaires as they sprinted around them on their way. Squawking like chickens, the guards were quite vocal in their fear as I slammed them repeatedly against the ground and - just because I could - each other all the way like toasting overflowing champagne goblets on New Year's Eve to the throne room.

I ripped the doors open with my mind as the occupants in the throne room stopped talking in annoyance at the interruption. Cheerfully, I bounced the tattooed bastards across the marble floor and had them rebounding in place glowing that, oh so distinctive and feared from the thoughts in the room color of green, at Cauis' outraged feet. Aro appeared highly amused and clapped his hands in applause.

"Look Caius! How gifted is our Edward! He has sent us jesters."

Way to go acting all cherubic in the face of defeat. To be fair, Aro had no idea what Caius was doing or had planned. But still. And I was so not "our Edward," I sniffed. Someone needed to increase Aro's medication.

Despite their mental challenges, I somehow think they both received my subtle message, since I kept the guards bouncing in that pattern against the stone. I wanted Caius, heck Aro, too, to understand that he could easily take their place.

At Jugurtha's suggestion, FitzLuck was kind enough to pen a note for me and deliver it to the bewildered immortals. He, accompanied by the rest of Bella's birds, had entered the room on our request. FitzLuck spit a message that burned on the glass of the largest painting. It diplomatically read, "I suppose you have to learn this the hard way. Benedict O'Farrell and his family are my and Carlisle's blood, Jane and Alec's too, and under our protection. Forever. Your Goons are an embarrassment to your evil overlord status."

Five floors above, the oblivious Jane and Alec wondered what this group had done to earn Caius' wrath as there had been no records on them as they ran through the passages. Both twins were miffed that they had been left out of the loop in this immortal family, which was, they realized also theirs, and had been abused under their very noses for decades. And they decided since Carlisle was protecting the O'Farrells, and now related to Marcus, and me, that they needed to decide their allegiance rather fast. Smart things, they voted with Marcus.

I'm not repeating what Alec said he owed to me because I am trying to mentally expunge the image of his larger than before manly part from my mind. I didn't mean to brag….but some genes in the family had skipped a generation leaving Alec mannishly marginal. His delusional mind seemed to think the opposite, however. Ah, to be young and stupid.

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "Stop comparing yourself. God will cut it off for your hubris!"

I sniped at him, "I'm busy contemplating immortal world domination here. Cease whining."

I had managed to keep Arria from overhearing the twins' thoughts and my ruminations because of her ladylike ears. And Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha were private, thank you very much, and most especially none of her business. I could not have the woman thinking I was demented. I was, after all, now mated to her purported daughter.

Jugurtha clapped a paw on Starched Shirt Edward's shoulder and stage whispered, "We all have our individual crosses to bear, isn't that what you Christians say? I think you should pray for our dear little mate's welfare. She needs you."

Starched Shirt Edward looked over to his prayer bench. He had cleaned up the fragments of the shattered icon by hand, and had left them in a jar on a shelf in the library. Staring at the bare patch in the wall where the Blessed Mother used to hang, he lowered his body to his knees and began reciting an Act of Faith in loud liturgical Latin. To distract him, I hung a new icon on the wall. He gazed in rapt adoration. I had picked one that I liked, one that had a friendlier looking Mary holding her child. Speaking of weasels, one of the brother's Volturi clearly required my attention.

Caius' panicked thoughts raced through his mind of how he would lose all his authority if the rest saw him treated in such a disrespectful manner and being bounced on the ground. This Cullen boy merited further consideration and, damn it, the weasel could read minds, thank gods not at this distance, though. Caius considered he would have to ponder with caution what his next step would be, seeing as he needed my power to save his son. And he needed to re-read the prophecy about that green demon. He could have sworn it was supposed to have come from Marcus' line. Marcus was going to be angry. Very angry if the truth came out. Caius couldn't have an angry Marcus. Maybe he'd slip and go back into his stupor again?

A vampire could hope. Although that would be more difficult now that the Cullen brat had stripped Cecelia of her powers. It took him six centuries to find her. He'd have to start looking for another replacement and grumbled at the work that entailed. Why couldn't things go back to normal? He liked Carlisle really he did, but his family was inconvenient. He thought fondly of the good old days with Marcus sitting like a stone idol at his side not giving a damn what he did. And damn, that Vivinna was ----never mind. Why couldn't his mate have been younger when she was turned? She hadn't aged well as a human.

In the name of family loyalty, and to Arria's amusement and vindictive satisfaction, I felt the need to share each and every one of those thoughts with Marcus. And all of his eighteen thousand men. The We're Not Really From Vancouver coven and their ten thousand other members. And the Gorgon's slobbering thirty thousand Siberians. Oh, and lest I forget, Caius' mate, and Aro's, too. It was only fair, after all. Especially Caius' fantasy of performing sexually inappropriate acts on Vivinna.

Caius mate, Paulina, squealed in outrage, and began beating him about the head and shoulders. The legionnaires in the throne room did a marvelous impersonation of warrior Greek Koroi statues with their blank expressions.

Caius grabbed her wrists, "Woman, what has come over you?"

"Vinvinna? Aged?" she spat.

Jugurtha snorted, "That was harsh."

"But earned."

"True, but you just sent Marcus a sexual fantasy his brother has had of his mate he hasn't seen in over a millennium. That was epic. Marcus is going to smack him around for that along, much less the O'Farrells."

"He has to peel Caius' mate off of him, first."

Down in the throne room, FitzSinister cawed a noise, the vampire equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, and all movement and pummeling of Caius halted. FitzSinister spat on the glass of the other painting, "Marcus now knows. Vivinna, too. Aunt Paulina, Rosalie says you should make Caius go weeks without your presence as that works quite well on her mate. Regards, Arria."

Underneath he scrawled my message:

"Caius, good luck finding another replacement for Cecelia because I will strip that one, too. I would happily excorticate you of your gifts, except for the fact you don't have any worth taking, save being a vampire geriatric. Oh, and who is the weasel now? Pompous Prat. Aunt Paulina and Aunt Claudia, please come visit for a day spa."

Best,

Bella and Edward

Arria loved the last line. I could not help it if my flock liked adjectives. Bella's flock, too. As they all glared at the now quiet as mice vampires in the room. FitzCarrion gently high-fived the now laughing Paulina. She thought the South of France seemed a good place to vacation for the present and definitely wanted to come see us. So Caius was going to have to forgive us. Now. She loved our sense of humor, these new relatives.

Taking a cue from her action, Aro laughed and said, "He writes satire, Caius. How amusing!"

Seriously, that man must be on the vampire equivalent of Xanax, Valium, perhaps both.

FitzCadaver decided he needed to be in on the fun at Arria's urging. But I wrote the script, seeing as she did not know modern idioms and all. Or sarcasm. So he spat at Aro and Caius' feet a message that burned in the floor in violet flames, "By the way, you have 110,000 armed to the teeth long lost guests hopping from foot to foot upstairs and outside who are positively undying to meet you. They didn't like Boris the boorish bouncer, either."

Gaius and the lost legions watched with amusement, as we ruined everyone's appetite as the room was infected with the pandemic of self-preservationitis. The birds left, making quite an exit. Young To Me Old Power decided our work together was done. I quite agreed as she was totally giving me a headache. We split our powers and returned to the new un-normal.

Jugurtha said, "That was well done. You worked well with her and aided her in impressing her father and mother and brother and all the troops you linked into the visions. She now has a chip-off-the-old-block reputation beginning. And she definitely owes you." Stupidity in the throne room distracted me.

Aro said to Gaius, "Take the men and reinforce the doors and see if his claims are true."

Gaius voice rumbled in a noticeably better Oscan accent than Aro's, "I'm sorry, Aro. Marcus ordered us to remain here and guard this set of doors." He pointed at the vampire world's equivalent of the Golden Arches. Aside from Tanya, that is. Who knows how many had passed through those doors? Never mind.

Jugurtha said, "You know, when we were in a tight corner, Tanya helped us save our dear little one. You might try being more respectful. I don't like comparing her to fast food. More than once. It's rude, and it lacks creativity."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I agree. You should call her the Immortal Doorknob instead." He crossed his arms and offered us an uncharacteristically beatific smile.

I took the bait, "Why is that?"

"Because everyone who touches it gets a turn." He tapped his foot and whistled and stared off into the distance, as Jugurtha and I mentally chortled.

Privately, I worried for his sanity. Poor lad. He had never in all our years together told a risqué joke. Well, not willingly.

Jugurtha warned me, "Don't you dare smile right now or people really will think you are delusional." I could control my emotions. Sometimes. I was a polished actor with decades of experience.

Knowing that she, Bella, _not_ Tanya, was my mate made the past year take on an entirely different perspective. I now understood why I could not keep myself from her when we first met. I was not sure when we had bonded as mates – I'd have to do research on that. Not that kind of research. Degenerate. And after seeing her obvious ill health and fragile state, I was frantic to get her to a hospital and evaluated. She could not forgive me if she was dead.

What was wrong with the We're Not Really From Vancouver Coven? I had left her in the care of the Fake Canadians, the bumbling bastards, with two hundred typed pages of detailed instructions. Could they read? I'd written them in Oscan. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward had both proofed it for spelling and grammar.

Marcus' men reached the imprisoned couple and released them. Benedict and Mary were both weak. I have to admit, those legionaries were mightily efficient as they offered algae packs to the curious pair, lifted them and ran. I suppose this was the immortal world's version of take out.

"More like a drive through window eatery," Jugurtha said. Bella spoke then and grabbed my regard.

"I'm tired of this game," she whispered.

As we were not watching a sporting event, I could only conclude that she was mentioning the feeding she had witnessed. Actually, it had taken on a gladiatorial kind of aspect with that whole killing vainglorious vampires that attacked us business. That was a sage observation from her. I read hope into that.

Rome had several well-staffed hospitals. We could be there shortly. Bella's pale face appeared like she was about to faint again. Her pressed together lips were leeching color. I moved my left arm to carry her full weight and used my free hand to caress her forehead and hair in the manner that she liked, signaling to everyone around us that she belonged with me. At my touch, she stiffened imperceptibly but did not fight. She refused to meet my eyes, and made not a sound. Her uneven heart did all the talking for her. And I knew that my absence was to blame. I could smell the fear in her blessed blood at my touch.

"Blood and blood alone," she said. I stiffened; wondering if she had gained the ability to read minds when that whole endless source of power gift had started to function.

Father, Rosalie, and I all shared a concerned glance as we rounded a sharp corner. Forget the hospital; I needed to get her examined immediately. Her irregular heart rate captured the attention of every vampire in the area as it became worse.

I had expected her to look upon me with loathing as she wept and watched the horrendous slaughter in the throne room. Instead, I found her dry-eyed, silent as statuary, with her arms wrapped around herself as if she were cold, which even in my cloak, I'm sure she was, factoring in the soggy state of her ragged attire.

Having her in my arms brought the past, present and future together in a grotesque mosaic. All those years ago, I had slain countless men with untoward glee. If the feeding in the throne room horrified her, I wondered, what would she think if she knew that the butchering I had committed during my years in Chicago made what she had observed today pale in comparison? What would she think if she knew, precisely, what I had done to the animals that had tried to harm her that night of the Yorkie festival?

I had spent seventy-five years devoutly trying not to think about Chicago, yet I had not one minute of regret for destroying those beasts in the orchard. I suppose that made me an unredeemable serial killer in truth. How would she respond to knowing she was irreversibly mated to a despicable creature like me? Dream Edward was on vacation. Slipping into his polished shoes, club footed Loathsome Me had made a devil's bargain in permitting her to see the first feeding, because I had hoped to encourage her to stay human.

In truth, I had never planned for Bella to be awake beyond a second of the feeding. Instead I had contemplated letting her use her overactive imagination for the rest. And I had most definitely not intended for her to see or smell so much as a single drop of blood. That was wrong. Cruel, too. I had utterly failed her on every level.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You pushed our dear little one too far."

"Gee, thanks. Why not pour acid down my throat while you are at it?"

Jugurtha said to him, "We had no idea she was this sick, or that Arria would block his power to make her sleep. He is only just coming out of his ahem…..bad state. His judgment is not the best. We must help him, not blame him."

He turned to me and consoled, "Concentrate on the now, so the future will happen."

Perchance Jugurtha had a point. By all rights, I should be in shock. I had been ordered to hand over my Recently Discovered Alive Ex-Girlfriend Singer Mate to be turned. I could not have that, especially the Ex part, but like he said, I would have to worry about it later. Her scent was mine, yet I would give it up in a heartbeat if she would only forgive me.

Merely smelling her made me feel grounded, like I had recently come awake and was emerging from a nightmare. We would have a quick wedding with only the family and the pack, the Clearwaters, too. Just as soon as I could get her to talk. I remembered the Future Us vision Mary Alice had shown me and played it a time or five. It could happen. Mary Alice saw my Future Bella smiling at me bathed in the golden light of the forest, and Future Bella appeared healthy and human.

Monotonously, Bella said, "There's blood everywhere, Dad." She sounded like she recited from a script someone else's lines.

Her Father; alas, was not here, because had he been, I would have accidentally on purpose neglected to save that imbecile. For moral purposes, of course. And I would have delightfully dismembered him to prevent him from becoming immortal, as even I was not that heartless.

"Bella, you will never have to see that again. You are safe." It was a sad state of life, when compared to my current purported Mother-in-law Charles Swan represented a better choice.

With a rattling sound from her chest, Bella coughed and bloody foam was on her palm. She ignored it.

"Bella, how long has this been going on?" I asked gently, relying on years of acting to conceal my concern.

"Part of you. Lake Sentimental. Human potpourri."

Starched Shirt Edward's lips formed an o-shape as he exclaimed over his clasped in prayer hands, "Oh my stars, by the Blessed Mother's veil, she's repeating those hateful words from that ghastly day."

The Fake Canadians with us realized it as well and were confused, but kept their mouths shut as the sleeping members now snored loudly on the shoulders of others as we ran.

Starched Shirt Edward fell to the ground on his knees and put his head in his hands, and said absolutely nothing.

My world ceased to spin at that moment as I realized her problem. Shaking with ire, fighting to stay calm at the alarmed expression on Jasper's face, I held her palm and examined it in terror, and tried to begin quietly blocking him again so he would think I was calmer than I actually was without breaking my stride. I expected her to quail at the sight of me sniffing her blood but she did not seem to be aware.

"Red. Marble. Soul. Mate." She repeated Genevieve's words that I had not understood.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Red is for blood, marble for the floor, the soul issue we have answered, and she was our mate all along. That was an efficient message." I heard Genevieve's words in my mind about how I was going to have to reap what I had sown.

And poor Jasper had been through the emotional wringer thanks to me. Blocking him was the moral thing to do. I went to that place in my mind I had used for all those years and used it again.

Catching sight of Bella's palm, Rosalie thought at me, _"I suspect she has broken heart syndrome and pulmonary edema considering the blood she's coughing up."_

Showing an appropriate amount of bewilderment, I said to Rosalie and Father, "Stress-induced cardiomyopathy traditionally strikes women in older age. How could it happen in one so young?"

Oh wait, I could see, after all. I was the bastard that had literally physically broken her heart. The Fake Canadians agreed unanimously, joined in their vote by Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward.

Mother asked, "Carlisle, what is it?"

Father said, "We are discussing her heart condition and trying to narrow down a cause, dear." It felt odd having this conversation while running through the now polished halls.

As we were escorted towards Marcus' suite, I paused, holding my stiff enough to mimic her Grandmother mate. The other Grandmother. I addressed Marcus at vampire frequency, "She is unwell. I need to obtain medical supplies and nourishment for her. Can we please factor that into the schedule?" If not, I was leaving. Her, too.

"What specifically do you require?"

"It is her heart and lungs that are harmed. It would be far easier if we took her to a hospital. We can sedate her for now." I listed supplies that I needed. Rosalie and Father added in a few that I had not considered.

Emmett said, "Edward we are in the middle of nowhere. How are they going to get human drugs that fast? Let us just leave."

Marcus replied, "I have kept Carlisle's surgery current since he left. It is fully supplied. We can serve your immediate needs."

An aide scribbled on paper my instructions and handed it to Felix, who for someone of his size, showed remarkable agility and speed when properly motivated. Father had been with the Volturi over a hundred years ago, so one wondered what Marcus' idea of fully supplied actually entailed. But beggars could not be choosers. Father left with the guards to search his old surgery five doors away.

Marcus said, "Three doors to the left is a private room. We cannot stay long," he warned, appearing concerned at her pale face.

Following Marcus, we ran into a private chamber off of his library. The simple room had a leather sofa and three arm chairs, and was blessedly silent. It had a large portrait of Vivinna hung in a place of honor on the wall. Aro had signed it. He had painted it last year. As much as I hated to say it, the man was talented. And he had clearly known his sister, because he had captured the cold remote expression to perfection.

Bella's features remained inscrutable, her eyes distant, as she retreated, I suspect, within her mind. She acted as if we were not there, completely still, her eyes unfocused. Her heart rate continued on at an uneven rate and her wheezing became worse. Bella started trembling; I smelled her sugar level as it plummeted.

"She's going into shock," Mary Alice stated the obvious, "Bella, sweetheart?" she called out to her in vain. Bella made no response.

Every one of my family members called her name, trying to offer support.

Mother fell to her knees beside Mary Alice and took Bella's face in her hands and kissed her forehead, "Bella, dear, we need you to come back." For a second, I thought I saw recognition in her eyes followed by a flash of pain, and she retreated again.

Felix entered the room, "Aro sends his regrets for the timing of the meal." He seemed genuinely embarrassed as he held out a glass of orange juice.

"Thank you," I softly said.

I laid Bella down on the edge of the sofa, seeing if she would sit up. She did not move from that position. Marcus excused himself and left the room. In a tone Jasper envied, he issued directives and vampires scurried.

A new Volturi guard appeared. He had a pile of clothing, for Bella. "Paulina and Claudia thought this would fit Bella and sends it as a token," he smiled showing his teeth. It was a lovely wool cloak in a deep forest green, accompanied by leather slippers that were her size. And no, I was not going to let him dress her in it. Pervert. And the Volturi wives, aside from men, had excellent taste. I asked Jugurtha to pen them a thank you note. FitzCorpse delivered it with a smile.

"Bella," I called softly. She gave no sign that she heard me.

I called her name again, and she did not answer her expression blank. Snapping my fingers in front of her eyes provoked no reaction. I pushed at her shoulder gently only to meet resistance.

I took Bella and put her on my lap with her back against my chest.

Father returned with a bag stuffed full of medical equipment trailed by two equally supplied guards. He said, "Thank you, Marcus for being so thoughtful. My, what a lovely portrait of your wife," and passed by into our chamber.

Rosalie rifled through the bags, and said at vampire pitch in Xeta, the dialect from Brazil, "Edward this is the first we've seen of her since we left Forks. Can you please explain what is going on?"

"I am afraid I do not know the full story."

"Another boy. Don't leave," Bella said dully.

Father said, "Son, what do you mean? We left you with her, to care for her. Who is this other boy she's referring to?" He avoided the "leave" word.

It was only a matter of time before my sins caught up to me, I feared, but now was not the time to discuss them.

From behind me, Mary Alice mentally said to me in Xeta, _"No, I haven't told them what I saw. I'm leaving that to you. I know what you planned, Edward, yet even I don't know what you did. I can guess, though."_

The closest thing to a private conversation we could have meant switching to another language the immortals outside could not understand, using a barrier they could, and having it in silence. I could not look Father in the eye when I answered in Xeta, but let my family hear, _"Victoria attacked the day after you left and used her gift to incite blood lust to force Arria and Fergus to attack Leah, Bella, and Seth at the Clearwaters' house."_

Jasper said in the same tongue, _"Was anyone hurt?"_ he was back to calm thought-voice mode.

"_No, but it was a close thing. I knew Victoria would never give up, and I could not imagine putting you in the position where you had to kill your childhood sweetheart, Jasper. So I left Forks and have not been back since. I have learned a great deal about Victoria, and who she is with. She works for Maria Montenegro, who is planning a revolt to seize all of the Americas as revenge because Caius enslaved her years ago. She hired the men who murdered women who resembled those in our family. They framed the Los Angeles and Cincinnati covens. Maria wanted Jasper to help carry out the plan and to lead once she was in place. And she definitely knew about and intended on capturing Alice because she said she was the key to unlocking the lost legions you see before you downstairs. She is the one who has been ordering about Caius' son, who is the immortal child."_

My family simply stared at me in shock.

Emmett ignored all that juicy gossip I had just laid out for him and said, _"But what about Bella?"_

"_I made sure that Arria had her guarded, the pack, too. I left them detailed instructions on her care."_ There was an uncomfortable pause. _"I felt I had no choice but to pursue Victoria to protect everyone and repair the treaty. If Victoria killed Alice, then Jasper would die. . ."_ My voice trailed off.

Father said, _"So you figured if you died, it would be less of a loss?" _His face seemed so sad.

I shrugged my shoulders. _"I am only one. I had no idea I was mated to Bella. They are two. I could not put Jasper through that, or Mary Alice, or the family."_

Bella's words resounded in the silence of the room, "Repulsive miserable specimen."

I flinched with each vacant syllable that flayed me as it fell from her lips. The flat tone only made it sting more like a bucket of salt water thrown on a whipped prisoner's back.

"Marcus said the bond between the two of you was weakened – shattered, I believe he called it," Rosalie said neutrally. She had decided to play dirty because she said it aloud in Oscan.

I had a choice, start acting irrational again, or prove my sanity by answering the question. I considered this a suck-suck option. No matter which path I chose, I would be the Suckiest Monster of them all. Who most definitely was not going to be sucking anything interesting or sinful anytime this decade by the look of things.

Jugurtha smacked me on the forehead and said, "Focus, lover-boy. Having those kind of thoughts right now really would harm our cause. Think of Jessica Stanley naked." That did the trick.

"Edward," Father said aloud, and waved his hand in front of my pensive face, "where did you go off to?"

I really couldn't say, "I am sorry Father, I was engaged in lurid sexual fantasies of my catatonic bride that I cannot wait to deflower, if I can figure out how to do so without killing her. By the way, did you know my orgasms make the earth shake more than I did earlier back there in the cave?" That would be rude. So instead I offered a different version of the truth.

"Until recently, I have not laid eyes on her in months. But Bella understood my reasons for pursuing Victoria, and agreed I should go. From what I understand of mates that would explain the way I have been feeling all this time. As for Bella…" I shuddered. They didn't need to know I had broken off our engagement. I would be asking her to marry me again. Just as soon as she was speaking. Surely she'd forgive me. She was Bella. She was a saint.

Mother said, "But surely you know what she's been through these past months. You called her, right?"

I stared at the floor and shook my head, 'No. I honestly cannot tell you why.' That totally was the truth.

Jugurtha smacked me up the head and said, "She's not well. Pay attention to her and it will get them to stop questioning you. We'll save our hide later. You have to establish your right to care for her. And you might want to put the locket around her neck when no one is the wiser moving at wolfspeed."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Don't you dare! You insensitive cur! You cannot risk setting her off in her current fragile state."

I lifted the glass of orange juice and literally had to hold it to Bella's lips using my right hand, and tipping her head back with my left, as I poured it into her mouth. Bella struggled for a moment, and then swallowed the juice. Some spilled out and dribbled down her chin onto her shirt. Bella did not react as a normal human would by wiping at her face. I flinched as I appreciated, given she had recently vomited, that the acid from the juice would burn her throat. Yet she needed something to raise her sugar level. It then occurred to me that it was quite odd that immortals like the Volturi would have orange juice.

Sensing my thoughts and unperturbed at the conversation going on around him in a tongue he didn't need to understand to know my family was politely biting my head off over Bella, Felix said at vampire pitch, "We have a few human aides who work for us. We like to keep them fed. Also you never know when a human might drop by. We like them to have decent sugar levels." Thankfully, he left out the "before we feed" part. At the expression on my face he clarified in Oscan, "We run a blood bank out of Florence that is quite profitable. We only….do this…once a year. Anything else would be impractical to keeping our presence discreet." He didn't have to tell me that the humans that worked there for them they would never be permitted to leave with a functioning pulse.

Nor did Felix have to tell me that no human had ever left the premises alive. Not until today. And she was doing so surrounded by 60,000 bachelors, 18,000 of which had not seen a woman in a few centuries, and fourteen un-mated lesbians who were convinced they could woo my wife. Magnificent.

Two guards entered the room carrying a queen mattress set. Another appeared out of place doing the mundane chore of carrying linens and pillows. The last whippet thin one, with a French sneer in place, held a bed frame. All were brand new. The equipment, not the immortals. Marcus was scarily efficient. The Volturi had no need for beds for….ahem….sleeping. And he was not going to have his granddaughter recline on a bed that had been used for gods only knows what by other vampires, Marcus fretted from the other room.

The guards erected and arranged the bed at vampire speed, and despite his melancholy demeanor, the Frenchman knew what he was doing. The pillows were not hypoallergenic, but we would not be here long enough for dust mites to gather and storm her feeble lungs in an orchestrated attack. My brothers had surprised the guards by requesting cleaning supplies and had literally scrubbed the room of every bit of dust and fungi they could find. Marcus ran a tight ship, so they had not had much to do.

Mary Alice held Bella's hands trying to calm her. I handed the now empty glass back to Jasper with thanks, wiping my mate's face tenderly with an offered damp cloth. Wordlessly, I nodded and waited for the Volturi Guards to leave, holding my shaking mate in my arms as I endeavored to soothe her. Carmen was afraid to touch Bella since she knew they had not yet met so she stayed in the background, wanting to support us, but not knowing how.

The guards left the room, closing the door behind to offer us the illusion of privacy. My family and I were, for the moment, alone; although I could hear Marcus in his library and his guards outside the door. And Young to Me Old Power, Skeevy/Cale/Cabbage Head, and their mother were about to enter the room. Lovely. I could not wait to chat with them, although I would have to re-schedule killing Skeevy for another day. Sadly. If she wanted a re-match, the Gorgon was in for a rude awakening. I had been practicing with the power while holding Bella.

Jugurtha said, "Um, my friend, Marcus has not seen his mate in over a thousand years."

"Yes, so?"

"Grasshopper, look at what being away from a not-quite-mated Bella did to you in eight months, and you've never had sex. Now think about that intensified for over a thousand years from someone who clearly has had sex."

"Okay fine, he won on woe. I'm still giving them a piece of my mind."

"True. But that is not my point. If you so much as raise your voice to the Gorgon, Marcus might lose his temper. And you haven't exactly been rational lately, so why would they listen to you now?"

"Arria worked with me, she knows my mind." Partly.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You acted like a maniac earlier. And you tried to _eat _our dear little one." He ignored Jugurtha's long stare, "You are not one to point fingers at others for treating her poorly. Just look at her! She's now our broken little bottle cap. You would look like an idiot wagging your finger at others, and your family will find out what you did."

"How?"

"Do not think Arria has not found out verbatim what you said to Bella when you left her. You had an immortal audience, remember? And do not think for a second that she will not use that against you." Oh, right. Drat. Yes, but she owed me.

"So you think I would have been better off taking her to my cave, dumping her and leaving her to swim out and find her way home? I left her guarded and sacrificed my dignity by discussing such personal matters to do so."

Sadly, Starched Shirt Edward whispered, "You sacrificed more than your dignity the second you opened your mouth on that day. The fact you had an immortal audience only made it worse."

Rosalie drew me from my deliberations and said, "Edward, you seem preoccupied. Let me assist you."

Jane warned us in her cool voice of her approach as she alone entered the room. Before the transition downstairs, she had appeared to be a very young 14. Thanks to whatever power had emerged from Bella and I, she now appeared like she was 19, perhaps 20, and she had grown three inches –and now stood taller than Mary Alice. Jane held in her hands a brightly colored wool sweater and appeared to uncharacteristically beam with happiness wearing new clothes.

"I have spent centuries cursing fate for having been turned so young. I don't know how you did it, but thank you," she said to Bella with what actually sounded like warmth. "This should fit you."

And the sight of Jane smiling and talking to my silent bride was all kinds of awkward. Could she not realize the poor woman was traumatized? Did stupidity run in my family?

She nodded at me, and placed the garment in Rosalie's astonished arms. Bella acted as if she weren't there. Jane then resumed her normal non-emotional tone of voice and manner and stepped back against the wall. It was odd thinking of her as family.

I lifted Bella from my lap to lie on the bed, removing her right worn tennis shoe and socks. I could have sworn we had thrown those away when we had bought her new clothing. They were the white canvas ones that had no treads that had nearly gotten her killed on that day in the icy lot. At the touch of my hand on the bare skin of her foot, her body became rigid, and her eyes wide. We all listened to her heart rate spike, and adrenalin flood her system just as it had during the feeding. I halted my movements as if burned.

Shutting my eyes, I asked my sisters, "Her clothes are soaked from the outdoors. Walking in the cold tunnels, I am sure, did not help. Please assist her." My voice sounded dead even to me.

I, accompanied by Jasper and Emmett, who swiveled the not-understanding our modesty customed Skeevy all offered our backs, as I ensured the small children remained asleep on the sofa, and walked to the other side of the room. My brothers clapped me on the back as I rifled through the medical supplies. I had no need of a stethoscope to hear her heart rate speeding far above normal levels.

Rosalie had found a vial of a powerful sedative, and I sniffed it to ensure that it was indeed the medicine the label claimed. Lord only knows what would happen to a poor pharmacist that made the mistake of stocking counterfeit drugs. I found a stash of antibiotics in vials as well. Father had done well.

Filling a hypodermic syringe with an antibiotic, I grabbed an alcohol swab packet, disinfected the syringe, and took another swab for Bella's arm.

"What are you doing to my daughter?" Arria said as she approached, steel in her voice. I tapped the side of the syringe with a finger to check for air bubbles.

Concentrating on my task, I did not bother to turn to look at her as I spoke, which in hindsight was rather rude, "Considering she was born to Renee Swan some eighteen years ago, and when last I checked female vampires are sterile, would you mind explaining to me how she could be possibly be your child? I am, of course, merely curious, for scientific purposes. I can see the obvious physical resemblance, now that I really see the two of you." Then I got rude I'm not sorry to say, and acted obtuse, blinking benignantly.

"So are you Renee's sister? Did she pretend to be pregnant for you?"

If looks alone could destroy immortals, I'd dwell at the bottom of History's ash heap, if Arria had any say in the matter.

I studied her without regard that my attention could be perceived as being ill-mannered, because everyone _else_ in the room was doing the same thing, looking back and forth between Bella and Arria like spectators at a tennis match.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "That woman and our dear little broken bottle cap share the same coloring."

Jugurtha arms crossed, stroked his chin in contemplation, nodded and clarified, "Arria's hair is a shade darker."

"Her eyes cannot be counted," I qualified.

"Why?" Starched Shirt Edward asked.

I said, "With Arria's green eyes due to the algae diet, eye color was hard to judge, and therefore invalid as a variable of comparison."

Jugurtha said, "She has the shape of Genevieve's eyes, Vivinna's lips, and Arria's cheekbones."

The one major difference we all could not comprehend was the size differential.

Jugurtha said, "How did something so dainty come out of someone so big for her time?"

At almost six feet in height, which was gargantuan for her epoch, Arria towered over Bella. Come to think of it, that height made her the female Godzilla of her era stomping through the centuries, destroying lives of the miniature humans on the O'Shea farm in her wake. No wonder she was single.

I said, "Vivinna and Bella were of a similar height. Considering that Skeevy and Marcus and Charlie were also tall, her diminutive stature was a fluke of genetics."

"Either that, or she mated with a vertically-challenged human. And I can totally see her dominating in bed," Jugurtha said.

Starched Shirt Edward blushed and breathed, "My, yes," before doing a double take, turning redder, and became a revisionist historian, spluttering, "I am not sure what you meant by that, but it sounded naughty. Focus on her story, not her body. Deviant."

Howling hypocrite.

Arria said, "We needed to continue our human line. And have done so for generations. Our bodies, once we are turned, will not allow us to carry a child, but that does not mean we cannot take part in creating one. Genevieve harvested my eggs. She implanted three in that insipid woman. Only Bella survived her time in that incubator."

Father said, "Renee never knew?" His voice sounded appalled.

Cooly, Arria replied, "That was the terms of the agreement. Genevieve said I could not interfere until Bella was eighteen. I could not even _name_ her."

I could tell from her mind that she had watched her daughter from afar for all these years, itching at her treatment. And oh my stars, the name she had selected gave new meaning to the term horrid. She intended on naming her Atilia.

Had she never heard of Attila the Hun? Did she hate her daughter that much? My poor dear little demon-spawned one would have been mocked her entire life. Although on the bright side, it definitely would have kept Tanya away.

The only reason Charlie still had a pulse was because even Arria begrudgingly realized that it would cause Bella suffering if Arria killed him. And it would remove a source of the cover they had designed for her to pass in human society, unnoticed by immortals. From Arria's uncharacteristically unblocked to me thoughts, she had very nearly broken the deal with the accident had happened to Bella as a toddler, which is why Genevieve had engineered Bella's moving to Phoenix.

One thing was certain, Arria hated Renee Swan, if possible, more than I did. And the vampires that had watched over her in Phoenix were a grumpy lot due to that whole not being able to stalk her in the sunlight problem. Amateurs. Arria had agreed to the move only because no one, as Genevieve had accurately predicted, would ever suspect a child of Arria's to be sent away from her side.

And the guards had pretended to be a coven. Even _they_ had not known Bella's true identity. They had believed she was a valued human they were waiting till she aged to turn. Which kind of sort of was the truth all along.

I decided to test the paternal waters, "So Charlie was unfaithful, biologically speaking, without his knowledge?"

Voice dripping with scorn, she said, "That imbecile is not her sire." Now judging by the high esteem Arria held her demi-precious self in, I had no problem believing the sincerity dripping from her venom. So it begged the question who had fathered her? We all waited for her to speak.

Marcus said, "Name the father."

She already had ramrod posture but somehow managed to add in a touch of defiance, as eyes all but blazing, she huffed, "Liam O'Shea."

Oh my stars. That was the immortal equivalent to telling me that Grendal and Medusa had mated. My poor little wet one, no wonder she was insane. But all would soon be well. She'd feel better when she knew we were married. Seriously. Starched Shirt Edward said so.

Then, someone banged on the door of Bella's spirit so hard, I actually yelped, and clapped my hands over my head. Blood started coming out of my ears. I lost my temper.

"Madam, for crying out loud, I told you that I would do my best to find your son, please cease," I said to the Gorgon.

"What mean you, Youngling?" Vivinna said.

Arria and she both felt the next blast, which I did my best to defend. That was when my nose started to bleed, and the world decided to appear woozy. But I was not giving up. No siree.

"That," I hissed, "Why are you doing it?"

"I am not," Vivinna said and looked at her daughter as the third strike roared though my frame.

"Neither am I," Arria said, concern in her voice.

Skeevy said, "Do not look at me."

I called out in Quileute for Hezekiah's aid, and that of all his shaman friends. And what the spirits told me back was that they had their hands full. I felt Arria take my right hand in hers, the Gorgon the other and Marcus put his hand on my right shoulder and Cale on my left. Then the fourth blast hit, and it was a heart stopper.

* * *

**This is the part of the story where I am tying multiple plot threads together and you might occasionally feel whiplash as something from long ago rears its ugly head. One of the things that I've been trying to "show" with Edward is how his assumptions all along have been off-kilter, and the ending of this chapter underscores that point, but also "shows" how he learns as he comes out of his delusion. **

**But there is one big thing that he did that I hope you noticed. This is the guy who murdered criminals in Chicago for three years and carefully made sure he did not turn a single one. This is the guy who loathes being a vampire so much he rejected Bella because she wanted to be one. And this is the guy who while out of his tree agrees with Arria to take Bella to "see" a feeding (even though he wanted to put her to sleep, the very idea....ew). And this is also the guy who singled out a Canadian teacher to be turned, rather than killed, even though he saved everyone else. And he did it without a second thought.**

**Also, you have no idea what has been going on in Bella's life for the past eight months beyond that Victoria was after her. Aside from that one detail, in the upcoming section, I'm not following NM's plotline. Since it's told from EPOV, the problem he has now is to find out what is wrong with Bella, try to help her, try to earn her forgiveness, and try to keep them both alive. Pfft. Easy. Oh, and just about every aspect of her life has been a lie, and she was the last to find out.  
**

**If something doesn't make sense, please feel free to PM me or come to the thread on Twilighted. As long as it's not giving away the future plot, I'll answer anything about the story. There's no such thing as a bad question. :) Books  
**

**

* * *

  
**

**Snarky Summary:**

**The Cullen children get schooled in family history. Marcus has a wee bit of a temper, just ask the Romanians from eons ago who made his sons act like basketcases. A current group of Romanians has a teensy request to make of Marcus, so says Carlisle. ****Marcus and Vivinna, mates, oh my, saw each other for the first time in a millennium and instead of jumping each other's boner… I mean bones, and doing the horizontal lambada, immediately made awesome plans for their first romantic date, to jump someone _else's _bones. Lots of bones. We're talking orgy-time here in terms of scope of violence. To show his regard for his little sweetheart/serpenthead, his dove/vulture, Marcus is going to decimate the vampire population of Romania. It's his equivalent of a, pfft, small token of his regard: a chocolate bon-bon. Just one that's bon-fire-burning. (And the crowd goes mild). Now _that_ is a way to show your commitment. Most ordinary immortals would, I suspect, be looking for the nearest alcove for a quickie after a millennium of celibacy, but not this pair. Ice in the veins indeed. I shudder thinking of those two (what's the first century equivalent of 'the sack' the shed? The straw pallet? The mud wattle hut? The Roman couch?) in the same bed, and I most definitely think the Gorgon is into spanking. But I digress. *Main Edward cracks whip* Ouch. Yeesh. *Rubs sore butt* Sorry. *Mutters, "Repressed Diva-Fate's Bitch-Boy-Galore."* Now, where was I? **

**Edward, the Grand Poobah of Gloom and Doom, as named by Robs_Muse, ruins everyone's dinner with a tantrum. Caius gets a cool new tat. Benedict O'Farrell, Carlisle's jailbird long lost first cousin, has a mind blowing gift. Is it just me, or can I see a show of hands for how many of you think he blew Jasper? Thought so. **

**Arria and Edward join forces and make a distinct impression on the hen-pecked never getting any kind of action for five centuries Caius. They also make a splash with the Volturi wives. During Edward and Arria's two-some of power, Main Edward wants me to tell you that although he was Vulcan mind-melding with his mother-in-law, both hands were on Bella the entire time. He was in no way aroused. Seriously. And that woman really does have THE coldest hands, so he totally understands why she's single. And probably a virgin. Jugurtha agrees and says there's no way he'd ever let her give him a hand......shake. Not that Main Edward is one to judge. But still.**

**Benedict and his family are rescued from the pit of despair and dragged to a family reunion by Arria and Edward. Despite all that massive power output, when he really needs them to, Edward's powers went limp, he couldn't make his little wet one sleep, and now he's staring at the results. Bella is so upset she's spitting blood and catatonic. When Edward said he broke her heart, um, well, he really kinda sorta did.**

**Edward plays verbal jujitsu with his family, who smell a rat bastard during a cozy chat. Jane smiles without intending to cause anyone to scream, faint, vomit, urinate, or experience any discomfort whatsoever. And Lordy, she even says, 'Thank you.' Who knew? Arria interrupts Edward drugging and stripping Bella to go all parental on him, and act like she cares. Spoilsport. She's just jealous because it's clear not only is she not getting any, but she most likely never had any in the first place. And we finally learned a new thing about Bella's family tree. It doesn't fork. Last, but not least, Bella has an attentive caller. Determined, too. Who can it be now? Sorry, had to go there.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Research Notes:**

The term _deus ex machina_ has a rich history: http:// dictionary (dot) reference (dot) com/wordoftheday/archive/2006/02/09 (dot) html

Rip Van Winkle is an interesting tale: http://www (dot) bartleby (dot) com/195/4 (dot) html

Medea gives entirely new meaning to the term "crazy-ex-girlfriend," it's a play by Euripedes, and kinda sorta finishes off the story of Jason and the Argonauts.

http://classics (dot) mit (dot) edu/Euripides/medea (dot) html

Everyone talks about the Transylvania and Carpathian regions of Romania, so I picked a different area to have the largest clan:

http://www (dot) infoplease (dot) com/ipa/A0107905 (dot) html

Ahhnold Schwarzenegger made the phrase, "economic girly men," popular: http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=SUzUbtIptqQ

So of course I had to use it for satire

Hans and Franz said so: http://www (dot) hulu (dot) com/watch/4184/saturday-night-live-pumping-up-with-hans-and-franz

Hercules' twelve labors makes an interesting tale: http://www (dot) perseus (dot) tufts (dot) edu/Herakles/lion (dot) html

I love art history. The Greek koroi statues are pretty nifty. And well endowed. Kidding: http://www (dot) mlahanas (dot) de/Greeks/Arts/Kouros (dot) htm

Broken heart syndrome is not a figment of my fertile imagination: http://www (dot) mayoclinic (dot) com/health/broken-heart-syndrome/DS01135

Catatonia is more than sitting there like a lump of clay(dot) I used a different type of it in this story, not only because it was different, unexpected, but it worked with the dramatic irony.

http://emedicine (dot) medscape (dot) com/article/1154851-overview

Catatonia symptoms are currently being debated among scholars in psychology: http://www (dot) neuropsychiatryreviews (dot) com/aug03/npr_aug03_catatonia (dot) html

Brief Reactive psychosis is what sparked the episode in Bella and explains her violence towards Edward: http://www (dot) nlm (dot) nih (dot) gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001529 (dot) htm

Starched Shirt Edward needed a new icon. Notice that Edward gave him one that shows more of a relationship between the Mother and Child:

http://davenation (dot) com/madonnas/found/APIndex244-OrazioGentileschi_1565-1647_MadonnaAndChild_je (dot) jpg

Grendal is the monster in Beowulf: http://www (dot) grendel (dot) org/grendel/beowulf (dot) html

* * *

**Please stay tuned for our next episode of "As the JerkWard Relearns."**

**Next chapter, Rosalie and Mary Alice and Esme are going to have a lovely ladylike chat with Arria about motherhood.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Happy Late Birthday to JaJiTaXx and Chloe9!**

**Douglas is tapping me on the nose and telling me if he doesn't get some lines pretty soon, he's taking Edward's nuts elsewhere. Please review, Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward need some love, and Main Edward's nuts are on the line.**

**Mizra made this for all the Douglas fans, and it's hilarious: **

http://api (dot) photoshop (dot) com/home_/adobe-px-thumbnails//fullsize (dot) jpg


	50. HOD pt 39 Desperate & Disparate Vamps

This is the Hoh National Rain Forest and the picture of it will help you understand a scene coming up:

http://static (dot) panoramio (dot) com/photos/original/16312821 (dot) jpg

**AN: **So I got a little carried away and wrote a chapter that is over 30k. I decided to divide it into several parts and post about every other day.

**And your hint for the next few chapters is this - Bella will wake up from her catatonic state when she sees someone she trusts.**

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**I have been sick for an entire month with bronchitis that like the crazy ex-boyrfriend we've all had, who doesn't want to take a hike, so sorry it took so long to post this. Many thanks to all of you who entertained me on the thread, sent me PM's, harassed me on twitter (bookishqua), and generally were amazing. Shout outs to my muses: pclo, joelmelissam, fleuritup, schleprock, Rogue, Lost Star, JaJiTaXx, blue2185, smiles, TraceyJ, June, Katrela, sexysadie13, itanaru18, Cullen Concession, DH_Director, elphabacy35, pomme_de_terre, jenejes, Siamecho, KristinHazzard, summerc79, karajgil, Merrisol, fanficreader83, Tyree Thomas, Mav, kaydence, squarepancake, Forethelove, Forest Sentry Koneji, Mizra, tumblin' di, Lady Dragona, kumiko ana marie, TheRavyn, aerobee82, PurpleMadDragon, TwilightMomofTwo, antipyro, prettyflour, DawnStimson, Cindy Windy, Codelina, t1992, silly sad sarah twilighted, sariedee, chloe9, AliciaZA, dellatwi, Nethead97, avidreader69, Mutt N. Feathers, RedneckAngel, mamato, jmolly, PJ Austin, Solenoidbelle, Treya, kiki2485, Angelbach, allmine, LJ Summers, luv4edwardcullen, eonini, fancastride, lovelifeX2, Disney Vampire, nyaris, and Cullen Pearl**

**

* * *

  
**

**CC – Chapter Eight – Part Thirty-Nine: Desperate Times Create Disparate Vampires**

**Snarky Summary: **

Carlisle taught us about a Hatfields and McCoys feud involving all sorts of clans across the world fighting for power called the Vampire Diaries. Sorry. My bad. The Vampire Wars. Marcus of the Telecles clan was married to the royalist of them all, Vivinna of the Catharnai clan, due to some drunken seer claiming their line would rock the VampVerse.

The Cullens were attacked by multiple groups of red-eyed vampires – one led by Victoria/Annie who is Jasper's ball-and-chain - I mean legal wife - due to that whole mistakenly thinking she had died after finding her grave snafu. Doesn't anyone bother to dig deep and conduct research anymore? Sigh. The _other_ party of red-eyed people led by James - may he forever more rest in pieces - and Mr. Pan Pipes of Pain Phoenix. The Cullens triumphed with some help from the pack, and the Sludge Suckers' pointed observations that made the enemy foam at the mouth. Phoenix lured the Cullens to Alaska for an eight-month-long scrimmage. Edward dumped Bella and was the world's biggest jerk, no biggest tool, no….too modern….the world's biggest brutish buffoon-like boorish lout in the process by telling her the absolute truth from his perspective during a hormonal fit of man-wolfpyre-trum rage. That little rascal decided he would save Alice and Jasper from certain death by killing Victoria himself. *Sigh. Men. Why can't we all be hermaphrodites and vibratorians and just get along?* Here, have a sex toy or two. But I digress.

Our Boy Blunder, despite the fact he's sort of insane, managed to glean vital intelligence – alas, not brains, only data - about a coup planned by Maria of the Southern Coven War the one who gave Jasper the ultimate hickie. She has a bone to pick with the Volturi.

Since that little hiccup with Bella dying and all in Be Still My Beating Heart, Edward and Arria both shielded Bella with power rings and huge freaking mean snarky gyrfalcons galore. Edward always assumed when someone tried to access Bella's spirit, it was either Genevieve or the Gorgon. You know what they say about people who assume: it makes an ass out of you and - oh forget the, 'you' part - just Edward.

Marcus and Vivinna, mates of the millennium, planned a smoking hot double date with a Romanian coven or two, and a hundred thousand troops as duennas. And just so you know, Marcus has more stamina, intestinal fortitude, bigger cojones than you, and you, you over there, too. And did I mention Marcus kinda sorta has a temper after being sent the heads of four of his sons eons ago, hearing about his family being ambushed, and the loss of his legions? One he's been sitting on for 365,250 days by my count, in agony, plotting his vengeance. Just between you and me, it's a toss up as to what irritated Vivinna more, losing her children, or losing three legions. But not getting any for a millennium definitely has her a bit high strung. Imagine the reunion sex between those two.

The Cullens have started to realize Edward was a) not in Forks like they thought, b) went out of his tree nuts, c) sitting on some secrets, and d) appeared to have offended Bella. Edward is noticing little things from reality like Bella's barely speaking, staring through him, having an irregular heartbeat, and the new malnourished bedraggled appearance.

Someone starts rudely banging on the door to Bella's soul as the chapter ends. Cretins. Can't they use VampGlitterTwitter like everyone else? Or send a flaming email or twenty? But Marcus Telecles of the Volturi and his family have Edward's back, and shoulder, and arms, in a purely nonsexual sense of the word. They are most definitely not holding hands, swaying, and singing kum-bye-yah around a campfire toasting marshmallows. Think of them as the world's meanest spiritual pretzel gathered around a supernatural font of power roasting impaled immortals. Edward has put up barriers that keep others outside of the room from hearing what they say or think and he's bleeding from the nose and ears. So far not from any _other_ orifice, but hey, the night is young. And so we begin.

**

* * *

  
**

**Songs for this section:**

**George Thorogood – Bad to the Bone**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=Vc0LPn1-vwA&feature=related

**The Boys are Back in Town by The Bus Boys:**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ltFdS0SJ41s

**Icicle Works -Whisper to a Scream:**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ZIxgHu5U1v4

**Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta, and entertaining me on Twitter. Mwa-ha-ha!**

**Many Thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for beta-ing**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Thirty-Nine – Desperate Times Create Disparate Vampires**

**

* * *

  
**

"Dear," Bella said emptily.

A beleaguered anti-hero vampire can only fall so far; and endure so much persecution, before he rears about in fury and mauls his attackers in a righteous state of focused rage. Nothing in my wretched travails could possibly be equivalent to watching Bella perish when she flung herself from the cliff. Rosalie and Father both thought Bella suffered from Broken Heart Syndrome – stress-induced cardiomyopathy. It did not make logical sense. That condition usually happened in older women. What if they erred? What if her condition was graver? I had no equipment to run tests. This was so unfair. Life had given her back to me, this breathing miracle before my atheist soul. Maybe Fate decided I had not suffered enough, and returned her to me silent as a graven image. Taking her twice would be more fitting for the punishment I had earned.

Jugurtha took me to a place to replay a memory. _It was that day in the park. We were standing in the Hoh rain forest. There were so many shades of green around and moss everywhere dangling from the trees or coating them like stubborn ice in winter. The sun stabbed through the canopy, white sheets its only footprint. Bella stood in one obliviously basking in the purity of the pearl colored light, a visual feast for immortal eyes._

_Starched Shirt Edward said, "We should propose this very second."_

_I ignored the pipsqueak. He was correct, however, we should attempt to converse. It was only polite. _

_Jugurtha said, "Ask her about her trips here as a child."_

"_So you used to come here with your Great-Uncle?"_

"_Yes. We would examine the ferns." What excitement. This is the man who taught her how to use a knife and fern-watching? Odd. Very odd. What did they do, pull up a chair and watch them grow?_

_Bella said, "Did you know there are over 130 species here?" _

"_Of what?" I knew that. But I did not expect her to. And she totally stole my thunder as I had planned on telling her that twelve to fourteen feet of water fell in the forest annually._

"_Moss, ferns, lichens, the usual suspects." Her idea of suspects and mine, alas, were not the same, as I remembered those murdering beasts who had tormented her in the orchard. I may well have been a murderer. But at least I had discerning tastes and did not prey upon innocents, I sniffed. Usually._

_I had been reading up on ferns as of late so as not to sound like a complete ignoramus. "Did Liam primarily research sword ferns or deer ferns?" There. That showed I knew about two types that grew in the forest. She should appreciate my efforts. _

"_He worked with all of them. Moss and lichen, too. He wrote a paper about alectoria sarmentosa and air pollution." That species was called common witch's moss and grew in trees draping them like unwanted laundry on a line._

_I noticed her staring at one tree in particular. _

"_What is it?"_

_She pointed to the moss on a tree that appeared to be fighting a pitched battle for dominance like hair spreading on a phasing wolf's human skin, and said, "That is one of my favorite sights"_

_The moss besieged the tree from all sides. It grew so thick it was hard to even see the wood beneath. I could not help but think of weary Atlas holding the Earth atop his trembling shoulders, and this tree a broken version of the myth, as the Titan clearly knelt, about to collapse._

"_It's an almost broken tree, Bella. The moss is so heavy it's destroying it. See how the branches bow and touch the ground with the weight? And look at the one next to it that has completely fallen to the Earth."_

_She said sadly, "That's how we are different, Edward. When I see it though, I root for the entire tree."_

"_So do I. I just said so."_

"_The entire tree includes the moss. The species here intercept fog and rain, making storms less severe, and they help maintain the humidity, which allows other plants to grow," she sounded like she was reciting a lesson learned as a child, " So when I see that tree, I can't help but think, despite all that weight, it's still standing. Look around and see that others did not." She gestured to the scattered corpses of the moss' onslaught. "And even when they fall, they keep fighting. That one is its own little ecosystem." She pointed to the corpse of the fallen tree._

"_I never knew you were such a rebel." She started to stumble over a trunk. To disguise my rescue attempt, I moved at vampire speed to make it appear I could not resist lifting her into the air. I stepped over a deer fern or five along the way. _

"_Shh, don't tell anyone my secret. I might have to kill you," she teased. Her fingers squeezed my upper arms on that last sentence about killing and such. Considering her weeping from the night before, I needed to change the subject. Now. Movement should distract her. _

"_Careful my Queen."_

_I pulled her out of the way of common witch's hair moss as I moved, therefore, being completely justified in bringing her closer to my face for a few seconds. And to keep her content, I might have exhaled on her a time or twenty-five. We couldn't have moss getting in my deer little fern lover's hair; or worse, her weeping again. That would be wrong. _

_She craned her neck to stare at the web of branches above, offering me a spectacular view of her throat. "Liam used to hold me like this so I could gather samples of the moss for him."_

_I hadn't intended for us to be here so long given her allergies. Lichen were, after all, a combination of mold and algae. And we were surrounded by fungi that could set her off into wheezes aplenty. But she had asked to see it. So I had decided to make the sacrifice. For her. And drat it all, we kept stumbling onto conversational minefields. Our last day had to be happy._

"_Now let me see, what was it that Seth called you? Ah, I know. Short stuff."_

_She blinked up at me, "We can't all be giants, Edward."_

"_Edward?"_ I heard Father's silent call, yanking me into the painful present.

Marcus' gift to be able to communicate clairvoyantly with us seemed effortless on his part. He said, _"We should converse this way for the time being."_

Rosalie thought tentatively, _"Only Edward can read minds. Can you even hear us?"_

"_I can, and I can transmit yours to everyone in the room,"_ Marcus assured her.

Emmett said, _"Edward looks like he's gone to his happy place. Oh, dang, now that can't be good."_

Another blow landed on the door of her soul and I deflected it. Foot-stomping irate geezer shamans, who helped Hezekiah and me, scrambled to offer aid. Drops of blood from my nose landed on the ground, while small streams from my ears trailed down the sides of my throat into my clothes. I ignored it. Considering Arria had removed my scent, I was not worried about anyone deciding to nibble at my neck. The Telecles clan surrounding me appeared well fed. Marcus, their chief, was bemused by the sight of a vampire shedding unscented blood.

Jugurtha said, "That is a good sign. You do not often catch him unawares."

The last time someone knocked on the door of her spirit this hard, it was Marcus' tiny it-would-be-an-insult-to-Satan-and demi-demons-alike-to-call-her-a-she-devil mate, Vivinna the Gorgon, and it literally stopped Bella's heart. Anything that even approached threatening her made me feel . . well . . grouchy with the need to smash something. As I tracked its uneven patter and her wheezing breaths that faintly smelled of blood, I vowed I would not forsake Bella again. If I granted access to whoever hammered on the door of her spirit, it could kill her forever. I refused to pay that price.

Recalling her words on love, my human Mother's words reverberated,_ "Because your very nature will force you to put aside all your needs for her welfare. And you won't give it a second thought. And your soul will be joyous in her presence."_ My late Mother was absolutely right.

Desperate times created disparate vampires. So I contemplated pouncing upon her and biting her then and there. Not _that_ kind of biting. Or pouncing. Alas. Besides, I stood in front of my family and allegedly hers. I possessed moral standards. For half a second, festooning her with garlands of venom filled bites seemed appropriate. The only thing that brought that plan to a screeching standstill was the dissenting voice of her heart's cacophony.

Jugurtha barked a quotation from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." I did not mind if he showed me another vision from sort of happier times. Not that he did now.

Gasping, I wondered why, when I was fighting to stave off an enemy attack so brutal, he blathered this counsel, "And the ontological ramifications of Emerson's quotation are?"

"It is not the size of the dog in the fight that determines the outcome; it is the size of the fight in the dog. And right now, _you_ have the deadliest pack in the world, perhaps in all history hanging onto you offering reinforcements. They are the Telecles clan, for crying out loud. No one save Vivinna's Catharnai clan is scarier so said Father. Stop your pride. Use them. I have never felt anything that rivals the power Marcus alone seems to be wielding now that he's come out of his stupor. And that Gorgon and her daughter are definitely alpha bitches." True on both counts. "It is to their benefit that Bella survive."

Father said, _"Marcus, the last time this happened she went into cardiac arrest. Someone is trying to use her. After all the power he's used recently, I'm not sure how long Edward can keep them at bay."_

Marcus closed his eyes for a second listening, and said, _"Whoever it is, he is not in this compound."_

The Gorgon said, _"Bella does not have to be involved. We can divert it." _ If that was true, then the harridan and I were most definitely going to have a chat about the first time she used Bella.

My withered heart dragged its feet to a halt for a moment like a faltering prisoner of war at the end of the line, and started again, rancorously, painfully, as if jabbed by a comrade to keep the guards away. I staggered a second before regaining my balance, and ignored the silent exclamations around me that vampires did not stumble. Real ones, that is. Unless being dismembered which totally didn't count.

Marcus said, _"I meant to inquire earlier, but was preoccupied. Why does Edward possess a human heart beat? And why is he bleeding?"_

Carlisle said, _"It is a long story and not important at present. He'll be in pain, but as long as he is conscious, he can use his gifts. My son is not himself at present."_

Marcus said, _"Vampires do not lose consciousness, Carlisle. And he appears to follow orders."_

Carlisle said, as yet another gong sounded in our minds, and golly, that one smarted, too, _"He does. And ordinarily Edward barely speaks, and avoids attention. He's gone decades only saying about forty words." _Father stepped forward and literally made sure I remained upright by catching me as my heart stopped again with a pathetic thud. I exhaled in pain, gritted my teeth, and slumped against him. _"He has access to power, but it hurts him to use it, and it makes his body have some human symptoms." _

Eleazar stepped forward with a cloth and took over holding me up, while Father gently cleaned the blood from my face, throat, and ears. He then pinched my nose in the cloth and tilted my head back, which made me feel all of six years old.

"_Son, do you need to be touching Bella right now?"_ He worried that my contact with her could harm her given my power surges. And that question just sounded wrong coming from him. And I did not have power stamina problems. Usually.

"_Shielding,"_ I clarified. I had to protect her reputation and all.

"_I see."_

"_She is the powerless source."_ I stuttered. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.

Vivinna said, _"Explain."_

Arria lent me some supernatural strength and said, _"There has been a legend that the land that Bella's family comes from contains a powerless source of energy. We've had the hardest time keeping humans off of the property as they search for it. We always thought it was an artifact, not a human. Liam thought it was the algae that he made. If Bella is the powerless source, then that would explain much of Edward's behavior in the throne room because he was touching her."_ See, she believed me immediately. And it was kind of her to help keep me conscious.

Jasper, Mr.-I-don't-do-anything-aside-from-mass-murder-now-that-could-be-considered-more-socially-inappropriate-than-holding-hands-with-my-wife-in-public, thought he'd put that to the test. He said, "Edward, I will help you maintain contact with Bella." He held my hand over hers. My younger uptight-in-entirely-twisted-ways brother. Handhold panderer purveyor extraordinaire. Considering he still thought of my dear little algae lover as a child bride and all, it was awfully considerate of him to help us break social norms by clutching one another longer than was proper before immortal royalty in order to determine martial gain.

And I had noticed his sexism and ageism. It repulsed him that I had a _younger_ female mate, yet he would have been fine had I dated one of the _ancient_ Denali sisters. Hmph. Talk about bizarre double-standards. And all of those went out the door at the idea my dear little Grandmaster could be the ultimate weapon.

Yet, Jugurtha reminded me, my brother at times like this was the greatest. What other family would help you touch your catatonic-ex-but-hopefully-speaking-to-you-future-bride when she lay nearly unconscious in front of her armed-to-the-fangs-cranky-aristocratic-demented relations? Perhaps the Cullens were keeping me, after all.

Jugurtha smiled, "Jasper is turning aside his standards because he's so excited that Marcus is . . . well behaving like _Marcus_, again. For Jasper, it's like Jesus Christ, Alexander the Great, Hannibal, Sun-Tzu, Machiavelli, the guy that wrote the Internet guide on how to be an Evil Overlord, and Elvis all came alive to break bread with him one night. He's beside himself. And you are uselessly worrying about her reputation. It does not matter."

"Evil overlord?"

"Yes, a handy list of 100 axioms. He's blunter than Machiavelli."

"How so?"

"Machiavelli takes an entire chapter to advise people to slay every last enemy. And another to counsel on the appropriate use of terror. Axiom number 40 says, 'I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.' He covered two chapters in one sentence."

"Nice. Now we need to go back to her virtue." Which was a subject dear to my heart.

"Even he would say her virtue is irrelevant."

"I beg your pardon? It most certainly does in polite society."

"She could have slept with as many men as all three Denali sisters combined. Then doubled. And she would _still_ be considered every bit as precious. She is Marcus' human heir. She's a walking priceless artifact in immortal terms."

Marcus asked Rosalie, _"Can you see to Bella's welfare while we are occupied?"_

Rosalie responded, _"Yes. I am a doctor."_

So was I. Twice. Professional. Insane, possibly, too.

Marcus said, _"Edward, link minds with us. I will handle this."_ He sounded like he was offering to pay for dinner.

He started a bit when Bella's brown eyes flamed white and waterfalls of power roared from her to me. I could feel it surrounding me in a cloud. The whole room gaped as my irises turned from dark green flames to tongues of pure white. I had a shield over the door so no one could enter or see, which his guards were not happy about, and at the first sight of me, Arria had added in her own two cents. It created the equivalent of a spiritual Great Wall of China.

Marcus mentally ordered his men, "Be silent. All is well." He held out his hands like a human would if warming them by a fire.

Jugurtha said, "If Marcus Telecles is offering to foot the bill, then by all means hand it over to him. You could learn from him. Anyone who has the power to endure that kind of suffering that crippled us in eight months for a millennium? Sign me up. I definitely want whatever he's been having for the past thousand years or so. And with Bella's power aiding us, we should be able to really punish whoever is on the other side of that door."

Oh, right. After closing off the parts of my mind that were none of their affair, I coalesced my energy into Marcus and brought Father with me to be on the side of caution, blending our power into a blue column I sensed. And because I would never hear the end of it if I did not, I dragged along Jasper as well just to prove to him that I was not completely deranged, as well as evince that Bella power business. Eleazar, too. Once they joined, all felt the energy radiating through me from Bella with disbelieving eyes.

From Mary Alice's perspective, I looked like an angel without wings. What was it with the women in my life being far too optimistic about my nature? I hope that disease was catching and totally infected Bella. Soon.

Marcus and his mate were already joined as one. Not that way. Ew. Arria and Skeevy linked in, not most definitely _that_ way, either. I mean, I know this family is dysfunctional and all, and used sperm improperly now and then. But still.

Let there be no doubt about the matter, Marcus led. I could not move. I took comfort in knowing that as my Father held me; I also clutched Bella's hand, due to Jasper's intercession, like a solitary prayer. I could monitor her and shield her as well. From the minds of my family watching us, we appeared frozen in time we were so still.

Marcus said, _"I believe we have kept someone waiting long enough. Any more of a delay would appear ill mannered. Carlisle, I think we should dose whoever it is with generous portions of your gift. It would not do to frighten them right from the start."_ Frightening them later was most definitely proper. And totally fair. Sun-Tsu said so. Machiavelli agreed. And still insisted it was better to be feared than loved. Sun-Tsu told him he was around longer and didn't die in poverty in jail and to be silent, as he was penning a new warfare tome. I stopped listening to them bicker when Sun Tzu started demanding someone named Jet Ski play him in a talkie picture. I'd have to ask Emmett who that was later.

Marcus tore open the door and shifted the focus to himself of the putrid entity beyond it. And no, it was not Genevieve, or Liam or a suspender-wearing supernatural salesman with sparkling teeth and a vial of snake oil. Feeling Father nimbly use his talent felt like having a ringside seat at a champion fight when you saw the knockout punch first strike flesh. When he really desired to enthrall his audience, Father was impressive. We all but whimpered, 'We're weak little lambs. Don't hurt us. Please,' on a psychic level. And size-wise seemed puny indeed. Not that we were. But still.

Arria and I both spat at the same time to the minds of our circle, _"Phoenix."_

Despite his overtures, strong ones at that, Phoenix acted as if he could not see us. We, on the other hand, had a clear view of his prune-like face, oversized eye sockets, that fascinating combination of an under bite with missing teeth, and seven pre-cancerous moles as he sensed our presence. I made a note to Jugurtha to remind Phoenix to see a dermatologist after I was done killing him when he landed in Hell. Filtering through all the lawyers and Hollywood executives might prove challenging, but I felt confident he could locate at least one doctor down there among Satan's denizens. Probably someone who practiced in Beverly Hills during his mortal life.

Father sent another wave of his gift to buy us time and said to Marcus at vampire speed, _"That is the one who attacked us in Alaska."_

Marcus asked, _"What kind of damage did he do?"_

Jasper said, _"He captured entire towns and villages and dragged them along as food for his army."_

Marcus said, _"Considering how desolate Alaska is that sounds like an appropriate strategy. You always see to the provision of your soldiers. What did he do wrong?"_

Jugurtha warned, "Hold your tongue, Marcus used to do the same thing during the vampire wars. Don't judge."

Jasper said, _"Marcus, when you kidnap and destroy entire villages in this day and age, humans notice. And because of their technology, it is harder to hide. Besides trying to kill us, he flagrantly broke your laws."_

Eleazar added, _"Phoenix demolished two homes of ours, destroying almost everything we own. And he attacked the communities nearby that helped us maintain our cover." _

For a second, the vision of Mother having her arm ripped off by a cackling rotund soldier flickered in Eleazar's consciousness before he replaced it with images of the smoking ruins of both their homes, one in Denali, and the other in the Jade Mountains. I saw the animal corpses the army had slaughtered and burned to starve them. That had to be a mistake. Mother still had both limbs. Gracious, Irina had a temper from his thoughts. And I had an entertaining vision of Tanya having a hissy fit seething that Phoenix had taken her shoes. That couldn't be right. Marcus distracted me from visions of disembowelment.

"_You survived though. And Aro said he sent three squads to find you. Did they?"_

"_Yes. All three. They are there currently handling the situation."_ Father answered.

Jasper said, _"Phoenix's soldiers were accustomed to fighting Southern War style, hand to hand. They were not used to being attacked with arrows and blades. They had the numbers advantage, but we managed to wear them down."_

Father commented, _"When he plays his pipes, he manages to drain everyone he targets of their life force and then his soldiers move in while they are weak and dismember them. It's far worse than what Alec can do. We kept Phoenix at bay with poisoned arrows."_

Marcus ignored the pounding of Phoenix, _"How many were in your party?"_

Jasper said, _"Four hundred or so. He had about eight hundred." _My brother sounded nonchalant. This must be the new raging fashion in dissecting battles.

Jugurtha explained, "This is his chance to discuss warfare with Marcus. He does not want to appear like an amateur. And as we saw at the battle at the house, Jasper earned quite a reputation for his acumen on the field."

Eleazar scoffed, "_All of us used our knowledge and gifts to drive the man insane. He was insulted he could not kill us. I would pick out which ones had talent and we poisoned them first."_

Marcus shook his head sagely, _"That is a natural outcome of depending upon gifts rather than discipline, ingenuity, and training. This Phoenix chap is lazy, and used to taking shortcuts."_

Father sent out another wave of his, 'I'm so innocent and harmless, do not mind little old weak me,' gift.

Eleazar said, _"True, but Marcus, he is one of the most powerful immortals I have ever met. He did not really need the ones around him to kill. He just liked having an audience."_

Marcus sounded almost amused, _"You mean to tell me you managed to defeat an army twice the size as yours with an immortal that powerful with minimal casualties? Really Eleazar, powerful or not, it does not matter if you are foolish."_

Father said, _"We lost three hundred soldiers. We had one hundred twenty left at the last battle we fought. We used a blizzard to attack them and return. And we did have both Alice and Jasper's talents at hand along with Eleazar's experience and power."_

Starched Shirt Edward exploded, "Our dear little one is threatened. Why are they sitting there talking as if nothing is wrong?"

Jugurtha soothed, "First, she's shielded by them all, so she's perfectly safe. Second, Marcus is establishing a trap, making it look like we are weak and cowering and foolish. And besides, they're talking at vampire speed, only seconds have elapsed."

Marcus said, "You'll have to brief me about it later. Let's deal with this, shall we?"

One would think Phoenix had learned the rudiments of manners since our last meeting when we beat him to a scaredy-cat fleeing pulp. Phoenix did not bother with a typical greeting like, "It's been ages since I burned down your homestead," or "How is the environmental devastation from your end?" Or "Sorry about that prank phone call luring you to Alaska, or "Tanya, your shoes look much better on me. I'll reimburse you for them." Clearly the man's mother had no care for his manners or reception in polite society. Sincerely, I felt embarrassed for the pretender troll. He needed to re-enroll in a course for Applied Villainy 101. Especially since he had a royal audience. Not that he knew that.

The troll snarled, "You've got twenty-four hours to deliver Alice and Jasper Cullen. Or else, I'll make what I did in Denali look tame." I never noticed he spit that much when he conversed and reminded myself to stay a healthy distance before I killed the impudent troll when engaging in the gentlemanly parlay expected before battle. The few teeth he had were bright yellow and black at the roots, which did not help with that attractiveness issue. Dubbing him Gollum's backwater bastard cousin would have represented high praise. So, too, the version of a miniature orc posing for a tooth whitening ad. The 'before' version.

"I am afraid you will have to be clearer." Marcus used a quavering tone as if he could not hear Phoenix.

"I was perfectly clear. Don't you listen?"

"Indeed I do, and you were not, my good man, I'm sorry to say. I have no idea what you did in Denali." Marcus sounded like an obstreperous denizen of a retirement community.

"Stop playing stupid. I want Alice and Jasper Cullen, or else this time we'll destroy the entire town of Forks. Port Angeles, too," Phoenix brightened at the idea. "We had so much fun tearing up Alaska." He resembled a child in homeroom reminiscing over a vacation to Disneyland.

"So?" I wish I could sound that disinterested.

Marcus caught Phoenix off guard. "What do you mean, 'so?' I'll frame it to look like your coven did it, you imbecile."

"Again I must ask, 'why would this cause me personal distress?'"

Phoenix sounded like a child reciting a fantasy, "And then I'll laugh when the Volturi Guard rips you to shreds. Hey, how is it they call you the fourth brother? Pretty boy, you should be terrified by now. I've killed thousands of immortals more powerful than you."

"They do not _call_ me the fourth brother. Who might _you_ be, great and fearsome immortal slayer disturbing my evening?" Marcus' bleak tone was a work of manipulative art, so claimed Jasper. I memorized it to add to my repertoire of intimidation tactics.

"Someone you don't wanna cross called Phoenix," he growled. He actually sounded almost intimidating, except for that bad articulation and grammar problem.

"So where will you send the Volturi guard? I'm sincerely curious."

"If you aren't Carlisle Cullen, then that means I found the lost coven that fought with him. I tracked you to Vancouver. You left arrows in the woods up there with your power all over them. Amateurs," he scoffed as if this was child's play. Arria actually laughed. She had regularly left signs in the forest of their presence. I had to grudgingly admit, even I had never felt their presence in the Olympic National Park, so whoever had shielded them was truly gifted.

Marcus followed the trail of power to increase our view of Phoenix beyond his toad-like face. We found the troll standing in a small house in Fairbanks, surrounded by ten aides who were supplying him with power from their life force. There was an elderly couple in their night clothes drained dry, lying dead stacked against each other, and bound like cordwood at his side. Phoenix wore a pair of Tanya's boots and one of Eleazar's leather coats that dragged on the ground behind him. Mary Alice would be entertained. I would have to save that memory for her.

Phoenix held in his hand an arrow that had been crafted by one of the Sludge Suckers, and used it like an immortal compass, although it appeared to require tremendous effort. Off to the right was chained what could only be Genghis, Bella's dog. He had been beaten, but lived still, and glared at Phoenix from the corner of his eye.

Eleazar whispered something to Marcus' mind.

Marcus inquired, "When did you start cross-dressing as a hobby?"

Phoenix's chest puffed with pride. "This is Eleazar's coat and his boots. I like to psychologically damage my enemies."

Marcus said, "Eleazar is significantly taller than you."

"What's it to you?" snarled Phoenix.

"That means that since his coat is dragging on the ground behind you because it is too large for your diminutive frame, the shoes you have on do not belong to him."

"They fit."

"They are Tanya's."

At vampire speed, Phoenix tore them off immediately whining, "Gods only know where they've been. Thank you for the advice. Now where were we? Oh yeah, you really should do what I say."

I heard a whimper from behind him and my eyes were drawn to Genghis as Phoenix threw Tanya's boots over his shoulder and they landed on the dog.

The last time I had seen the mongrel he had been considerably smaller and had attempted to urinate on me. _"That dog is Bella's and she loves him," _I told Marcus, making the utmost sacrifice.

Marcus, Vivinna, and Eleazar made the first strike. Like brittle leaves in the fall crumbled in a fist, half of the aides radiated a blue fire and scattered to the earth in shards of steaming limbs. Skeevy and I reached for the canine with our minds. Using the flow of energy to secure the beast was not all that different a mental sensation than the practice Hezekiah had made me do when floating rocks. I broke the chain while Skeevy snatched the body, and we pulled Genghis yelping through to our side.

Arria said aloud, "This is Bella's dog that Charles Swan bought her." She did not need to add, "Eat him and I'll end you."

Emmett lunged forward and caught the whimpering dog.

Arria mentally dismembered three of the squealing vampires with Jasper and Father's assistance.

Phoenix must have never encountered anyone who could do that. He stepped seven jerky paces back from the circle beyond the area where Genghis had lain.

Skeevy thought to us, _"He must think he is out of range. And I think he realizes he does not have Carlisle."_

"Beating a domesticated animal is pusillanimous. Now then, where were we?" Marcus tsked.

The other aide leapt back with a scream. Despite wavering on his feet for a moment, Phoenix maintained a death grip on his soldier. He slapped the aide and whispered, "Shut up, or I'll really give you something to whine about."

Jasper said to our circle mentally that Phoenix sounded like a frustrated parent at Wal-Mart and clearly had rage issues. I was not sure why parents would find Wal-Mart disquieting, as it had seemed logically organized to me. But still. I had never observed in the one time I had been in the store any human erupting into rage. Curious.

Phoenix cleared his throat and turned back to the dark blue ring in the air that floated before him, "I know you did not just call me a pussy. Is that the best insult you've got?"

How could that troll confuse the word, 'pusillanimous' with a cat, for Pete's sake? Clearly, he had listening issues as well. Simpleton.

"You require the services of a dictionary in addition to your ten aides. I called you gutless."

"That's what I said _you_ said," Phoenix scoffed at the inching on the ground body parts of the three Arria had dissected, "They'll reform in a few days, so that was pointless. Don't forget Los Angeles! I arranged that." He wagged an index finger at us.

"Arranged what?"

"We set a newborn loose in that children's school and the Volturi killed everyone in it and the entire coven." He said that with such pride.

Marcus sounded genuinely amused, "I can not believe you fell for that ploy. You are reputed to be smart. I can only suppose you've been practicing Social Darwinism and ridding us of the stupidest immortals ever in the thousands you claim to have slain."

"What ploy? And I did kill thousands. Honest."

"One of the Volturi guard, Sabina, has a particular fondness for young humans. Since she had reached her ninth century serving, they decided to reward her, and imported some. They found your newborn so quickly because they already were at the school picking the best of the humans. The Volturi Guard left the sick ones behind so the mortals would have some bones to find." Now that was repulsive, fabricated out of half truths, and sounded absolutely true. If Marcus surprised Phoenix, the slug hid it well.

Phoenix insisted, "The entire coven was killed. We did that," like it was a tremendous accomplishment. Which in fact; it kind of, sort of, was. Everyone, it seemed, yearned to be around movie stars, even the immortals. The Los Angeles coven had represented one of the oldest and largest in the country.

Marcus spoke slowly as if addressing a wayward child, "No, you did not. They insulted Caius' of the Volturi's wife. The Volturi let them stew for a few decades and killed them when it suited them to send a message to all the other covens. They left the ones who were too young to be involved in the dispute alive." Now that was news. And absolutely true. Sort of.

"Whatever. That's not going to stop me. I'm only going to come at you again, twice as hard."

"I sincerely hope so." Marcus said. "So far the only thing I am liable of to perish from around you is boredom, seeing as you cannot discern even the simplest of plots involving food and vengeance, nor can you converse. Your first attempt at combat is laughable. Alice and Raphael are under the protection of Marcus Telecles of the Volturi, and claimed as his kin. The entire Cullen family is now part of the clan. And the Volturi would have a difficult time hunting down the Cullens seeing as several of them fought at their side against you. Raphael sends his best by the way." Jasper showed no reaction physically that Marcus knew the fake name he used during the Southern Wars.

We had remained cloistered from other immortals. After hearing of their global sweep to round up veterans, it had been our fear that the Volturi would kill him if they ever found him, seeing as those pesky venom scars were awfully hard to hide. Apparently, Marcus had known all along, because Aro from his thoughts and Caius as well, had no idea.

Jugurtha crowed, "That is further proof that Marcus could block Aro like we can from his mind. And by mentioning Jasper's fighting name he has also offered him amnesty from any charges of the Southern War. I love this man."

Phoenix sneered, "Marcus is a drooling imbecile who has been propped up on a throne blubbering over his mate for a millennium like a patsy. You'll have to try something better than that bogey man. And I also want that puling brat with the branded human in addition to Alice and Ra – ph –a -el," he stretched out the syllables jeering. And manipulating the Volturi is easy. I've done it loads of times."

I wanted to complain that this was going on to long. With all the power flooding my system, my head had reached its capacity for pain. But I knew better.

Father advised,_ "Marcus, Edward is suffering. We should end this. Eleazar noticed with Phoenix that the cold seems to debilitate his gift. He would not personally fight during blizzards."_

Vivinna sounded offended, _"Real vampires do not take shelter from a storm."_

To Father, Marcus murmured, _"Thank you."_ To his wife, _"I agree."_ He shook her hand gently as she built up power for a strike, _"Dearest, we need the lackey for at last one mission. You can kill him later."_

She sighed, _"Anything for you."_ I wanted to gag. She almost sounded affectionate.

Marcus said politely to Phoenix, "Benevolent fortune with that. Give Antigone a message for me."

I remembered the sight of Antigone from the recent vision of how Marcus' family had been ambushed and flung to the corners of the earth. Antigone had been a highborn slave put in charge of Caius' son. Somewhere along the way, she had transformed from a dutiful sounding servant to Maria Montenegro. She had kept and turned Caius' son, had terrorized the Southern States, and had planned a rebellion of the Americas. I had to give her credit. She really knew how to hold a grudge.

Phoenix replied in an even tone, "Assuming I even knew someone with that name, what would I tell her?"

"I am going to enjoy destroying everything that matters to her - starting with you."

On that note, the house that Phoenix occupied collapsed. He dashed out, shaking off pillars and asbestos, leaving his trapped aide behind to fend for himself, the dismembered ones, too. Then Marcus made the house burn.

Phoenix headed through the snowstorm for another small cabin and it exploded in a tower of blue flame that looked straight out of the Old Testament. Growling, Phoenix ran for a residence ten feet away that by scent contained ten more of his minions. Now, it was ten less. Force from that combustion slammed Phoenix into a snow bank, and he emerged yowling like a scalded cat.

Marcus waved his power like a conductor before an orchestra of doom. He casually destroyed the eight houses that surrounded Phoenix, one after the other, in spectacular detonations that made Emmett's favorite action movies boring. I believe from the interested expression on Phoenix's face, that Marcus managed to capture his undivided attention. And he might not be aware of it, but we had incinerated one hundred twenty of his troops.

"Who the Hell _are_ you? I am so going to slaughter you." Phoenix snarled indignantly, brushed off flaming pieces of wood as they caught his coat sleeve alight, and made several crude gestures with his right hand at the blue ring that shimmered before him. His soldiers that still lived backed away to a safe distance. And Phoenix, with a toothless smile, pulled out his pan pipes and began to play.

"It has been underwhelming chatting, message boy. You really should take lessons. Your timing is dreadful, your playing off-pitch, and you misremembered the melody of a tawdry common song."

Marcus reached through the door, and in a blur so fast I barely caught it, gently yanked off Phoenix's right arm from his shoulder. Marcus brought it through the blue ring to our side, clutching the pan pipes.

Phoenix screamed and quickly bit off his cry. Marcus, with a mental command, summoned Demetri, who joined the circle to detect Phoenix's signature presence as it was magnified by his muffled pain. Now, with Demetri's uncanny gift, there really was nowhere that Phoenix could take refuge. And with his limb, we also had his lye soap smelling scent, and the pipes he somehow used with his gift. A three for one win.

Marcus handed the twitching arm to Felix, "Burn this and the pipes as well. Now he should tell, if he's still connected, where his arm went."

Felix acted serene, like people handed him immortal body parts every day, as he left and casually tossed the waving limb into a roaring fire five flights below that burned as an eternal flame. It made rude gestures the entire way down. I have no idea how, since it was no longer attached to his body, but Phoenix cried to the heavens as his arm and the pipes succumbed to the delicate kiss of the inferno.

Marcus said to Jasper, "I think his remaining troops could do with a dash of terror, don't you?" My brother eagerly complied, and with his powers magnified by ours, most definitely had more fun than he'd had in decades, save for tormenting Charlie Swan.

I heard the crowd of Hezekiah's geezers in the back of my mind shout, "Hey sparkie! We can find him, too, you know. We're better at tracking." Excellent. Now I had supernatural tracking envy. And the geezers felt that ripping arms off did not send the right statement, so they added a new scent to Phoenix as he turned to run after his screaming soldiers. A thick cloud, it smelled like a thousand skunks convened and ate sulfur and then sprayed him all at once combined with the stench of ripe dog excrement in honor of Genghis. On that repulsive note, we were duly inspired to take our leave. I voted to rename Phoenix 'Stench,' to the Quileute spirits and shamans. The geezers howling with merriment agreed, with one vote abstaining, and two holdouts for something that sounded like, 'Dead ducker.' The spirits were wrathful over Genghis' abuse.

Marcus shut down the connection. _"If that man has terrorized immortals for centuries, they need a refresher catechism on warfare." _

Funny, Marcus sounded like he was about to step up to the podium and teach the Vampverse a thing or two. And that was fine by me. I liked to watch. In a purely research sense of the word. The one I intended to devote a hundred lifetimes to watching currently radiated a cold fire to everyone else in the room, white lightning, on the other hand, to me. As I attempted to collect myself and avoid vomiting on my bride, Father and Eleazar sat me down on the corner of the bed, breaking my connection with her. The second our hands separated, the fire in her eyes died. Mother came forward with a wet cloth, and she and Father washed the blood from my face, neck, and ears. It hurt to blink. Alec, acting on Marcus' command held out a clean shirt. My arms were too heavy to lift, and I felt shamed at being dressed like a child when it was my mate who required our aid. They gently lay me at her side placing my hand on hers as I let the pain wash over me.

It amazed me how such a simple thing as placing my hand on Bella's evoked such solace and joy. I recalled Jugurtha's words about the size of the fight in the dog. Reaching out with my last strength, I tried to connect with her spirit and felt the usual blockade. "Fight, Bella," I said, as my hand warmed hers, our hearts beating in time, the machinery of war gearing up around us.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: ****So let's see where were we? Edward had a spiritual ménage a one, two, three, four, um sept. Whore. But he did it for Bella. And to prove he was not insane. The Cullens and Telecles clans found out about that whole Bella and her power tripping. Phoenix got bitch slapped by Marcus and friends. And burned. And rhetorically critiqued on Dastardly Speak, and Marcus awarded him an F and told him to come back when he really knew how to fight. The spiritual geezer corps of shamans that have been helping Edward out for grins decided that Phoenix hadn't suffered enough and gave him a new signature scent, a new form of Global Position Stench tracking. **

**

* * *

  
**

http://api (dot) photoshop (dot) com/home_/adobe-px-assets/

**References:**

When I looked this up on Atlas I had to use it (dot) Too funny:

http://www (dot) pantheon (dot) org/articles/a/atlas (dot) html

Catatonia is more than sitting there like a lump of clay (dot) I used a different type of it in this story, not only because it was different, unexpected, but it worked with the dramatic irony (dot)

http://emedicine (dot) medscape (dot) com/article/1154851-overview

Catatonia symptoms are currently being debated among scholars in psychology:

http://www (dot) neuropsychiatryreviews (dot) com/aug03/npr_aug03_catatonia (dot) html

Brief Reactive psychosis is what sparked the episode in Bella and explains her violence towards Edward:

http://www (dot) nlm (dot) nih (dot) gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001529 (dot) htm

If you want to learn more about the Hoh Rain Forest, this is a great site:

http://www (dot) ohranger (dot) com/qa/16064/how-many-species-fern-are-i-n-hoh-rain-forest

Moss and Lichen, too:

http://fresc (dot) usgs (dot) gov/products/fs/fs-154-02 (dot) pdf

Social Darwinism sounds very vampire like:

http://library (dot) thinkquest (dot) org/C004367/eh4 (dot) shtml

http://www (dot) fordham (dot) edu/halsall/mod/spencer-darwin (dot) html

Sun-Tzu was a Chinese general whose writings on warfare are world famous:

http://www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/suntzu/

Hannibal was a famous Carthegenian general who crossed the alps with 59,000 soldiers and 37 elephants (dot) Swear (dot)

http://www (dot) livius (dot) org/ha-hd/hannibal/hannibal (dot) html

This is one of my favorite Internet satires (dot) Seriously (dot) Jugurtha gives it two thumbs up (dot)

http://www (dot) eviloverlord (dot) com/lists/overlord (dot) html

* * *

**WTVOC and Jandco have a story called Dear Isabella that you can read at A Different Forest (dot) com (dot) It's exceptionally written angst **

**Please review, Jugurtha needs some loving. Starched Shirt Edward, too.  
**


	51. HOD pt 40 The Lies That Bind

**CC – Heart of Darkness – Part Forty – The Lies That Bind**

**This is Bella's bracelet they retrieved from the Bank:**

http://www (dot) redrobinantiques (dot) com/images/Etruscan_Chrysophrase_935_Bracelet_close (dot) jpg

**Shout outs to my muses: **Viridis73, Camilla, sonecrackle, RedneckAngel, Solenoidbelle, DawnStimson, t1992, Merrisol, tumblin' di, avidreader69, Angelbach, Treya, dellatwi, CindyWindy, prettyflour, PurpleMadDragon, Solenoidbelle, Mav, Disney Vampire, Kaydence, Robs_Muse, Rgwmnks, Rogue, Mizra, elphabacy35, TraceyJ, jejenes, Jenny1979, fanficreader83, siouxchef, pclo, Fleuritup, schleprock, Cullen Pearl, Lost Star, JaJiTaXx, squarepancake, June, MsLessa, stardust, summerc79, Pomme_de_terre, Cullen Concession, writz

**Many thanks to everyone for reading. **

**Thanks to the hilarious posters on the thread at Twilighted who keep me laughing.**

* * *

**Songs for this chapter:**

Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=zO6D_BAuYCI

Jonny Lang – Lie to Me

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=XNMlD4ytkaE&feature=fvw

Better Be Home Soon by Crowded House:

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=wOenp3MUnh0

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta, and sending me awesome music on Twitter. **

**Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers and WTVOC spoil me so with their beta skills.**

**Thanks to Oxymoronic8 and GinnyW for the creative support.**

**Jmolly sends me obscure words for me to work into the story and feeds my habit regularly. Many thanks!**

**

* * *

  
**

**Snarky Summary**

**Things you need to know from previous chapters for this one are: Bella's demented Grandmother sent garbled messages using her like a sock-puppet, visions, too. The Cullens had no earthly idea what the termagant wanted. She would speak through Bella when she slept, and Bella referred to our Boy Feigner as, 'Dream Edward.' Arria had been separated from her mother in an ambush and raised in the States. In Scentantic Shenanigans HOD pt. 22, Arria met her mother for the first time since being separated by trying to kill her. I suppose that's the Telecles way of showing affection.**

**So the last chapter took place in the ultimate hideout with the mostest deadliest of them all – Tony Soprano's house. Fine. Kidding. The Volturi catacombed lair in Italy – where more than fashion is cutting edge. They are in Marcus' tricked out chamber in his suite to be precise, and outside of said chamber are his posse, skulking because Edward and Arria have put up the cockEavesdroppingBlock. The Cullens and the Telecles clan were just getting to know one another and circling over our dear little wet one's silent-as-an-irritated-matriach's-mouth, like competing raptors over the last little lion in the jungle, when Phoenix came a knockin'. With class and style, Marcus and the spiritual pretzel of power gave our troll dunder useful advice on discourse, and a helping hand. Marcus confiscated Phoenix's pan pipes in the name of good taste for villains worldwide. And a good time was had by all. Except Phoenix. But nothing ever makes that sucking vortex of life happy. Diva. I mean seriously, he broke into Tanya's house to steal a leather coat and a pair of her boots, and then burned the place to the ground. Who does that? Couldn't he at least walk off with something credible as a trophy? A pair of panties as a souvenir that people would actually believe he'd been there? A thong or two? Everyone else has. He didn't even have the decency to rob her of her paintings (all of her done by masters – in more ways than one), jewelry (now melted into clumps), credit cards, or cash reserves. And he did that not once, but twice to two different estates. Not only is Tanya livid, but Irina is all kinds of excited about the revenge seeking part. **

**Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder and telling you that Phoenix picked his pen name in a fit of optimism because he most definitely won't be rising at all from any heap of dust if Main Edward has a vote in the matter. He's after his ashes, in a purely professionally murderous way, of course. For research in the name of his and his oblivious mate's future. He thinks Phoenix might have inherited Machiavelli's stupidity AND his torture gene. Not that he can find any evidence that they are related as Phoenix is older than Niccolo and from South America rather than Italy. But still. It merits further scholarly inquiry. Jugurtha says so. Starched Shirt Edward keeps asking why I would think it would be better to steal women's rubber slippers instead of boots and a jacket as thievery is still thievery in the eyes of the Lord. Speaking of thongs, for the record, Main Edward has never seen any of Tanya or any other woman's undergarments. His dear little algae lover doesn't count. He bought most of hers because it is his job to provide for her. So he gets an exception right? Besides they're married now. *blinks piously* He just has to get her to be sentient enough to tell her that little fact. He can't wait. **

**Bella has been declared the long lost human hair, I mean human heir of Marcus Telecles' clan and Vivinna's Catharnai relations as well. Which means every scheming immortal would blithely run over Tanya and the Denali sisters, the newborns, too even if they were stripped down, oiled up, and laying on a bearskin rug with a welcoming smile to get to Bella. Sorry ladies. I mean Trampires. My bad. **

**Marcus and Arria's first concern after being separated for a millennium is foreplay Telecles style – I mean battle planning. They decided that Phoenix needed a lesson in manners for the piece of mind of everyone. Before that unwanted cretin interrupted them, Arria was about to do some splainin' about inter-library loaning bodily fluids from a certain demented genius. Not that there was anything **_**wrong**_** with that. It's not like he was mated to her cousin Eve. *Sniff* They simply had a fling. For forty years. And it's not like Arria had sexual relations with the man – just his child. Yeesh.**

**We know that Bella's entire life has been a oh…….a lie. Pfft….no big deal. She'll bounce back. I'll let **_**you**_** tell her that her parents aren't really her parents and that she's the daughter of an ice-princess vampire, and granddaughter descended from two of the most powerful clans in the VampVerse. And 100% USDA approved human, too. Edward should know . . he…..never did a thing beyond kissing, Seriously. *blinks* But he will, of course, not admit that they had the most fun possible with clothes on, because he is a gentleman. And true gentlemen never breathes a word about giving her multiple orgasms with a kiss alone. Not that he needs to breathe, or that he likes talking, or that he means to brag….. And he's confused by the phrase, 'dry humping,' as there were no starving camels in that cave, and his dear little sexually sated virginal one and he were most definitely in the water, therefore, wet. But I digress…..Edward's looked at her ob/gyn, I mean medical records enough and savored, I mean tasted – kidding - **_**tested**_**, her blood enough to know a human when he sniffs one. And let me tell you, he's made snorting Bella Swan into a religious vocation of sorts. She rocks his world. **

**So in our last chapter, we learned a bit more about the Cullens' extended respite in Alaska. Apparently they did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express, and the food was nothing to write home about. I don't know about you, but I would not ever try to starve Jasper (AKA Raphael-the-Southern-Coven-War-Leader-Who-Killed-Enemies-Galore-Kentucky-Fried-Chicken-Finger-Licking-Good-Style). That guy's got a temper and an appetite, and when he's pissed everyone gets to feel about it, too. Edward singled out a female to be turned, yet arranged for the second course of Thanksgiving dinner to be protected. **

**Poor Edward has been using so much power that his head is starting to protest, although it was all done for a good cause, due to the need to protect his mate and family. He's now sitting on the bed by his mate in Marcus' quarters trying to cope with the excruciating pain of realizing how much she hurts. Oh, and did I mention he has a headache? Like an Excedrin three three three times worse than infinity migraine. Despite that, he has shields around the room so that they can have true vampiric privacy. For talking. Alas. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty – The Lies That Bind**

"Dream Edward?"

"Yes, dearest?"

"Why did you leave me?" Remembrance of that exchange plagued me, as I kept hearing her tearful delirious voice predicting exactly what I had, in fact, done nourishing the profligate remnants of my soul.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Flagellate yourself later. Look!" He pointed to a half-opened door that was behind Vivinna. An ancient Roman frieze adorned the space below the ceiling on the walls. I gawked from my position lying beside my mate, holding her clammy hand.

Starched Shirt Edward dragged me back to when Bella was recovering at home from pneumonia. I had wandered downstairs to fetch her breakfast as she was still too weak to leave bed.

Crinkling his nose, Starched Shirt Edward opined, "We need to re-evaluate what we witnessed." True. Very true.

_It took considerable forbearance not to regurgitate deer blood all over her breakfast, some concoction meticulously created out of fresh eggs and rancid vegetables called migas. Mother had decided to try to offer breakfasts that she had found on a menu from a restaurant not far from my singer's home in Phoenix. Jasper's research had revealed a pattern of dimwit Renee Swan Dywer taking her daughter to this dining establishment based upon her credit card history. Mrs. Dywer was currently locked into a high interest account with a disreputable bank and was two months behind on her minimum payment. Thank goodness we were here to care for my human. Two warm tortillas that had been rolled unfurled, landing on the side of my right thumb. Whoever had the bright idea to combine flour and oil and onions had created a new form of immortal torture. It smelled like gasoline, vinegar, with a top note of turpentine. And there was a second plate mocking me, a twin to hers. I gulped. I could do this. For her. I had to. Her scent could be impacted if she dropped more body weight. Any reasonable vampire would choke down food for the very principle of the thing. For the sake of her scent._

_She sat in the bed with my English notebook turned to a blank page. Her eyes were shut, and her hands flew across the page. As I approached she appeared to be lost in thought. Yet I had never met a human who drew with her eyes closed and slept at the same time. Moving that rapidly could harm her delicate fingers. I placed the tray on the desk and filched the pencil from her hand and the pad. She grumbled, "Where," and flipped on her stomach. Mother entered the room._

"_Edward, what is it?"_

_I handed her the notebook._

"_Did you draw this?" _

"_No."_

"_She has an excellent eye. Look at the chiaroscuro. She even managed to put in the veins on the leaves. This must have taken her hours."_

_I had been hunting for twenty minutes and I could not see given the sheer detail she had invested in the piece how she could have drawn it in such short a time. If I told Mother that my singer was engaged in autonomic writing, she might take her back to the hospital. I'd just have to be careful and keep the notebooks out of her reach. I was a doctor. Twice. Professional._

"_Bella, dear, it's time to wake up," Mother's voice made the perfect alarm clock. She sounded so caring. Bella's eyes fluttered for a moment before she came fully awake meeting my gaze with lips curved upward in a fledgling expression of amusement before she schooled her features into a cautious mask. _

Months later, I saw the exact design carved into a wall. I had never found anything that had resembled it in my research. And based on everyone's thoughts around me, Bella had never had a guided tour of Marcus' quarters. Mother noticed the direction of my gaze and turned and froze.

"Carlisle, she drew that."

Marcus said, "Aro and Claudia made it for me. There is no other like it."

"Edward, can you tell me more about that day?" Mother asked.

"I found her drawing with her eyes shut. She seemed asleep."

Jasper thought,_ "And you neglected to mention this why?"_

"She never did it again. I thought it was a fluke."

Father patted my shoulder and inquired, "Did she speak?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"Where."

Jugurtha said, "You could have perceived that incorrectly. Selective perception, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"What if she said 'ware?'"

How did she ---oh, lovely. More Genevieve. How was I to know that the drawing had any significance? Couldn't she have had her insane brother while he was drabbling doggerel drop a line saying, "Oh by the way, my Great-Niece isn't my Great-Niece. She's my daughter. And one day her sludge sucking vampire relations will come calling. You might want to read up on your history. Biology, too. And make lots of armed friends." That would have been the appropriate thing to do. The reasonable thing. But no. It was a sheer miracle my poor dear little wasted one had lived to the ripe age of eighteen. On one side, she had a family that brought Cassius' lean and hungry look to entirely new meaning.

What did she expect me to be a mind---never mind.

"We'll have to ponder that later." Marcus said. He dismissed the now one-armed Phoenix like yesterday's refuse. He asked, "It astounds me that a creature of such feeble temper gained repute. He appears to have a severe lack of skill in the principles of the art of war. If the immortal world holds that imbecile in great esteem our plan will be far easier than anticipated." He paused, "I did not alter his scent, who did that?" I saw his lips twitch for a millisecond, indicating he must be vastly entertained.

I said, "Me." Tentatively, I tilted my head, refusing to wince before the en---before my in-laws. The nose and ear bleeding had stopped thanks to Father and Eleazar's combined efforts. Unfortunately, my pounding skull was another matter, as was that strange tightening sensation in my chest. Father and Eleazar hovered. We all knew that I had used so much power that sooner or later my body would rebel. I voted for later. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward concurred.

Jasper thought to me, _"Edward, that was amazing. Thank you."_ Everyone totally believed the powerless source part as they recalled how Bella's eyes had kindled pure white light that had spread from her to me.

Jugurtha said, "Our display sealed the deal, and proved your worth."

"How so?"

"Her power went to you and you alone. Only because you elected to share some of it were the others impacted. We aren't very good with lending things to others. We held onto most of the power she gave. That too, was an excellent choice."

"Why am I suddenly so brilliant?"

"You are not. I am. Phoenix does not require all our power, merely enough to show we can repel his advances. We can hide our abilities and practice with Bella in order to protect her and our mate bond." I knew I kept him around for some reason.

Arria almost smiled at me, "I loved it. You'll do well in this family." I expected her teeth to gleam with her hollow words. What did Arria know of this family?

Jugurtha said, "You might know more about her Mother than she does considering they only recently met."

Marcus stared at Bella as she lay on the bed, "Edward, explain the barriers you have placed around Bella."

Tact was not at the head of my agenda seeing as the meringue band that played raucously was awfully hard to tune out. "I made them to drive away everyone who was attempting to use her as a conduit. It was killing her."

Emmett and Rosalie both thought that this would be a bad time to confess to Marcus that I had spiritually beat his wife to a pulp. Especially given his reception of Phoenix. Emmett had visions of Marcus tearing off my toes one by one. If it would have diverted my attention from the thundering at the base of my brain stem I would have invited him to begin.

The Gorgon grumbled and crossed her arms, "After that day, I never tried to seek access to her again, Youngling."

Marcus glanced from her to me. "I have some history to learn it seems."

Vivinna's right hand swept outward as if brushing away all those attempts we had engaged in trying to spiritually slaughter each other roughly thirty sennights ago, "Our first meeting was confusing. Marcus, you have no cause to worry."

Fine. Two could play that game. I said, "You knew you were hurting her. Why did you stay? It literally stopped her heart. Madam you have no idea what it is like to---"

"Watch your children die, helpless to aid them?" she interrupted. Fine. Seize the moral high ground waving the corpses of your dead children which were, although tragic, irrelevant to the matter at hand.

The Gorgon shrugged, "It brought us Arria, though, and Bella. So I cannot regret doing it. And you did not make it clear she was human." Cold. When Bella and I had children, that woman was never going to babysit. Even if we followed Father and Mother's route and adopted newborn vampires. She'd give them fresh humans to play with as toys knowing her.

Skeevy offered, "Once we understood the situation, I tried twice because I thought I could be gentle. I ceased when I realized if I broke the barrier I would most likely end her life."

"I marked her because initially, I had no idea who you were, I merely felt that powerful spirits were after Bella and wanted to warn them to stay away," Arria stipulated.

Marcus asked Arria, "What is wrong with the marks you put on Bella? They do not feel right."

Arria responded quietly, "They are chained to her spirit. Our enemies used a seer to strip the shields that Edward placed around her and damage the symbols that I did as well. I have only partially repaired them."

The idea of Bella without her shields frightened me, as I had believed them to be permanent when I had left. Why had they failed? If they had stripped her of them once, they might be able to do it again. This required further contemplation. I said, "I put her shields back in place. The birds seemed to work correctly when I commanded them."

Arria qualified, "They are not at their fullest strength, though." She was talking about the birds. Not my shields. Which were perfectly functional.

If that was the gaggle of gyrfalcons weak, I could not wait to see them at their best. They would rip off every suitor's head that approached my bride and probably eviscerate them as well. Marvelous. Wait, they had already done that a time or five. My imagination wondered what they could do to top that performance.

Marcus approached the bed where Bella lay. Emmett had been working to treat Genghis, much to the surprise of the Guards who thought the dog was better off as a small snack.

Genghis whined. Bella turned towards the sound. Marcus said, "Emmett, put the dog on the bed by her."

Emmett said as he administered a pain killer, "With all due respect, Marcus, moving the dog right now will hurt him." At Marcus' reproving glance, Emmett lifted blanketed mummy Genghis like shattered glass and placed him by my dear little Grandmaster. And I had to give credit to the beast, even though it clearly pained him, he moved his head closer to her side, and promptly destroyed my rudimentary goodwill by placing his plague coated tongue upon her helpless arm multiple times.

I intended to fetch a cloth and cleanse her of that scent and disinfect her arm when Jugurtha stayed my hand, "The dog could help her. Do not interfere."

"It is unhygienic. And she is ill."

Jugurtha said, "She trusts the dog. Use that to reach her. And dog's mouths are typically populated by less bacteria in comparison to humans."

Feeling like the underbelly of a serpent represented a large step up from my character, I said, "Bella, Genghis is hurt. We managed to rescue him. But sweetheart, he needs you."

I made my voice sound piteous on that last sentence. Genghis glared at me and growled. Some things never changed. That dog still loathed me. Marcus gave him a sharp glance and the dog had the intelligence to cease his grumbling immediately, realizing who was the Alpha in the room. Then he whined at Bella.

"Good boy," Bella said vacantly.

Marcus said, "While she's focused on the dog, we must work fast, I can already feel the first attempts by other immortals to reach her mind."

I extended my senses and felt absolutely nothing, which scared the life out of me, but alas, not the pain. I had to be able to use my powers to protect her and they were failing.

Jugurtha counseled, "Panic later, focus on building a stronger shield."

Arria's clammy cold hand found mine again, causing me to start in surprise. This whole hand holding practice that the Telecles clan did felt peculiar. I could count the number of times I had initiated a touch with my family on one hand. She was cold even by immortal standards. In more ways than one.

We merged our powers and somehow the pain that pounded in my head receded as I thought of Bella, of protecting her, of my love for her, of my hopes for her. Touching her hand helped, too. And the minds that Marcus detected became clear. Had they been snakes, they would have bit me. Not that they could have caused me harm in real life. But like Paula Black's quiet conscious that I had not detected, I had not been listening at the proper level. I had Jugurtha make a note to be more sensitive in the future.

Jugurtha said, "Power does not always mean a flashy show. Some of the greatest powers you never seen until they have you within their grasp. Like Carlisle's."

Together, we constructed a new barrier around Bella. I must say that what I had created had been impressive, but Marcus and everyone else together? She shimmered silver around the separate structures that Arria and I had created. I'd never felt anything so solid as the barricade we constructed, even when fighting the Gorgon and Phoenix.

Emmett said, "Um, she looks like a walking Mardi Gras float with all those colors."

Marcus asked, "What is that?"

Carlisle said, "A famous parade in the United States celebrating the last day before Lent begins."

"He makes it sound gaudy."

"It is."

"We cannot have that." Marcus stared at Bella and once again we all did that hand holding routine. The birds became silver. The green barriers and swirling fireflies of silver light from the wolf powers remained.

The Quileute powers on principle refused to release their visual claim to protecting my dear little shining one from vampires the world over. They said, 'no,' quite firmly. The geezers said, "Someone has to stand up and represent the wolves. We're staying green, Sonny Boy, and that's it."

I said to Marcus, "I am sorry, the powers that guard her refuse to change color as green is their shade of choice. There is nothing I can do."

We felt several attempts from external others, irritating ones aimed at my beloved. Marcus sent out an order to his legionnaires in the throne room, who grabbed twenty squawking immortals and executed them immediately without further ado. Aro and Caius did not interfere. I approved of Marcus' decision.

Jasper suggested that I ask the spirits to make the bodies vanish like I had the first course from VampVerse Thanksgiving humans earlier. Since it involved blood suckers, and intimidating them, the 'we're staying green for the principle of the thing' entities quickly complied. People in the throne room, soldiers included, lunged back when they saw the green wolf ring, the circle that protected the sleeping humans from becoming a feast and masked their scent as well, suddenly cannon balls of light to each disassembled body. The surges coated the bodies, heads included, and I let the spirits take out the refuse. They might have added in some bloodcurdling screaming noises or ninety just to be show offs. I had nothing to do with it.

Having been mentally briefed by Marcus, Aro announced, "Who _else_ wants to attempt to use their gifts on Isabella or Alice?" I think the rest received Marcus' and my message loud and clear. And when he was not cooing over some inanity, Aro could actually sound mature with a touch of gravitas. And his present smile was chilling. Jasper would have been all kinds of professionally impressed. Aro's wife by her thoughts certainly was. . .oh, merciful heavens, never mind.

Marcus pulled me from obsessing over scourging my memory, "You no longer have to assume the sole burden of protecting her, Edward."

Before that sad incident with his singer, Emmett had shown promise as a veterinarian. We could not stay to allow him to finish his degree due to that whole eating his new instructor issue.

Emmett thought to me, _"Edward, buddy, I need you to be prepared."_

I stared at my brother befuddled and thought back, _"Prepared for what?"_

Having ascertained the growing threat before us, I was already ready and willing to fight any immortal for her hand. I felt comfortable with my powers, when they worked.

Genghis whined again and licked her. Staring straight ahead, Bella said with a slight inflection, "Good dog."

With a hint of relief, Rosalie said, "She is starting to pay attention to the world."

For that alone, I even went so far as to carefully pet him and express my gratitude, "Thank you." No fool I, my hands remained confined to petting his back left flank. I knew better than to get near those teeth. Not that they could harm me. But still.

"Good dog." Bella moved her hand and fisted it in his fur on his neck. We stared at his body. He was not good in my opinion.

Jugurtha said, "What reasonable vampire could expect more from a canine? He was not bad, either."

"Fine. Could we have her call him, 'Marginal Dog?'"

And then the damn animal had to go and die on me. With a shuddered wet wheeze, Genghis departed this realm, probably simply to spite me. Emmett started cpr and said, "Edward, I need you to breathe for him." Marcus and the other Telecles immortals blinked in bafflement.

This was karmic payback for my sins, I felt sure. I moved slowly thinking of all the things I had fantasized doing to this beast, this most assuredly had not been on this list.

Jugurtha said, "You're doing it for her." Right. Ew. The dog. Not her. God hates me. Clearly.

I fixed my mouth against his and offered a puff or two. The only part I gained satisfaction from was covering his snout so the air flow would work properly. The Telecles clan gaped. He tasted worse than human food and his breath probably rivaled Phoenix's. Genghis came back after the application of a wee bit of electricity to his trunk that I dearly wish I could have been the one to use.

Father said, "We should move him. We do not want to distress Bella."

His professional pride stung. Emmett said, "Oh man. I'm sorry. I did what I could. His injuries are too severe, and it is only a matter of time."

Arria shrugged, "I'll find another beast of the same breed, age, and color. She'll never know the difference."

I fumed and Jasper interceded, trying to keep everyone rational, "Arria, humans bond with their animals. They feel love for them."

She simply blinked at him, "So?" Now she was trying to imitate her sire? At Bella's expense?

"So, you cannot replace one with another and think she will not notice." Mary Alice said with an edge to her voice.

"She barely had the dog for any time," Arria shrugged.

"Eight months is a long time in human terms if you have bonded with a beast, and especially if you raised it. She will be devastated." I said.

"The dog ran away two weeks after you left. He was chasing a vampire and they caught him." If she knew that, why did she not send troops after the beast?

Marcus said, "Alec, take the body of the animal to the fourth room down the hall. He won't disturb anyone there. I've ordered Luc to come and relieve you, Emmett."

Mother said, "Please save the dog if you can. He is important to her."

Marcus simply stared and waited for her to continue. Mother said nothing.

Arria started to argue and her father cut her off with a wave of his palm. "Do it," he said to Alec. Emmett lifted Genghis' body, but Bella had him in a death grip. Genghis' blood was in between her fingers.

"Good dog." She said in English, a contrast to the Oscan we all spoke around her.

I took a wet cloth and gently peeled her fingers from Genghis' coat. I moved at a blur because I did not want her to realize she had blood on her hands. Fortunately, she did not have it elsewhere. She could not pull back in my grasp, and stared through everyone at the wall. I cleaned her fingers, feeling as if it were my fault Genghis' blood coated them, and tossed the cloth to Father. She had no reaction at first, then seemed to notice the smell.

"I'll never get them clean," she whispered. "Ever."

Emmett took the dog from the room and returned a few moments later. He could tell from the expression on my face I worried about the ability of the dog to survive in any one else's care. _"Edward, the guy seemed competent enough. There's nothing more we can do." _By his thoughts this Luc fellow was the biggest immortal Emmett had ever seen. Maybe he'd intimidate Genghis into staying alive. I tuned out the dog's heartbeat and sounds because I had to focus on Bella.

Once alone, with the room shielded from prying ears, Marcus turned, as if nothing had happened, and returned to the issue of Bella's paternity. He said to his daughter, "Of what house is Liam O'Shea?"He sounded like he was asking about the worthiness of a particular wine.

She sniffed, "When I sensed their power, I had his line investigated. They descended directly from the Ó Flaithbheartachs."

She announced that like she had used the gold medal of sperm. The Gorgon appeared impressed.

Marcus grunted in approval and explained to my confused family, "They were a powerful and pure line of immortals, albeit a small clan. It must have been blind chance their mortal line lived. Or else they hid them well." He never mentioned what had happened to that line.

Arria beamed at her Father like he had awarded her with a gold star on her homework, "So when I found the O'Sheas and sensed their potential, it seemed a natural course of action."

Arria left out telling us that her investigation was the only reason the O'Shea family did not die in a barn fire like the Fake Canadians had initially intended, or that the O'Sheas she _had _investigated were not Liam and Genevieve but their parents. She had planned on using Liam from the second she had sensed his heart beating, regardless of him loving her cousin, which explained why she had gifted their mother with the pendant.

Rosalie asked, "How did Renee agree to carry Bella?"

Arria shrugged, "Genevieve handled the humans." She seemed to have done that a lot in her time. In terms of scheming with the threads of people's lives, Genevieve was the Tanya of Forks, combined with Irina's ruthlessness, and Dallas Faith newborn's dumb luck.

Behind me, Mary Alice and Rosalie distracted Bella by pulling her out of her wet clothes, as the men once again offered their backs save Carlisle and me. Ensconced firmly in her own little world, she proved to be a challenge to undress because she would push against them when touched.

Mary Alice kept chanting she had to be gentle or she would break my bride's bones. "Oh Bella, clearly I came back just in time to save you from disaster. This sweater is a man's and it is down to your knees it is so big. These jeans are six years out of fashion. I am appalled." Mary Alice teased her gently.

If Mary Alice was correct, and when it came to all things clothing wise she usually was, the only place she could have obtained them was at Liam's, and that was a wardrobe purchased for her at twelve years of age.

Mary Alice's voice threw bilge water in my face, bringing me back to the present. When she discarded the sopping sweater, she revealed the dirty shirt emblazoned in my memory from that horrific vision.

My sister took the shirt off, revealing another one beneath it. She held it up, "And this shirt? It has a hole on the hem, and is torn on the back. This simply will not do. Grunge was so 1990's." Bella did not react to any of Mary Alice's comments that I could hear, nor did her heart rate change. Her wheezing continued. Mary Alice found several more shirts below the first one. All were ripped in the back, she complained.

Doing a quick calculation based on Bella's weight, I decided to treat her with the strongest dose of a sedative I could.

"Bella, you've become quite the jewelry collector I see." Mary Alice said.

When the last shirt was removed, it revealed that Bella wore the green and silver bracelet that I had retrieved from the bank that day under her clothing. She had pushed it up on her bicep into an arm band of sorts.

As I turned with the syringe and handed it to Rosalie, I stopped in my tracks. I had shifted my mind into a physician's mode; but the second I rotated and saw my Bella in her undergarments I lost that ability.

My brothers wondered at strangled moan and turned along with Eleazar and Skeevy, who had drawn his sword searching for a threat. We stared nauseated at the bombshell before us. Mother started to weep over the wreckage of my folly. Mary Alice held onto her composure by sheer grit. Rosalie appeared about ready to explode. Emmett grabbed onto Jasper, as did Skeevy, who appeared every bit as disturbed as Jasper, if that were possible. I asked the Quileute spirits to please shield my beloved from Jasper's gift as I felt his rage soar.

Starched Shirt Edward appeared, and for once, instead of shrieking about our inappropriate eye contact said, "That," with an accusing pointing index finger, "Is what you did to her. Happy now?" Without shame, he studied her form, shoulders heaving as he wiped at his eyes and nose with the back of his shirt cuff. Jugurtha patted him on the shoulder and offered him a handkerchief.

The litany of _"This is all my fault," _played in a continuous loop, along with a refrain of, _"To thee do we cry poor banished children of Eve."_

Face sweating and beet-red like a fire engine about to explode, Starched Shirt Edward leaned forward and shouted in my face, "Cease whining and do something for her aside from pitying yourself! You broke her. You fix her!"

Jugurtha pulled him back with a, "My good boy, we must show temperance. He's still not quite himself. Come, I have some new catalogs to show you. The summer line is out. We must clothe our dear little one. We will have to buy several wardrobes for her as she gains weight. We need your prudence to select modest attire that fits her new station as our wife." He led him away to the cave with an arm over his shoulder. There I stood clutching a fistful of weak excuses, like a spurned suitor's wilted nosegay.

I had realized earlier that Bella had lost weight, even noted the amount. But seeing it literally snatched the words from my mouth like a light fingered thief. From human eyes, she would have appeared gaunt, but wearing long sleeved oversized shirts and multiple layers, she had managed to hide the true extent of the damage done to her frame.

The skeleton that had hung in my first class in medical school came to mind. Emaciated, from Mary Alice's view Bella's brassiere appeared indented as it lacked the flesh to fill it. She could see the bones in Bella's chest in contrast to the jeweled medallion that lay flat against her skin dimly glowing white. One strap was broken on her brassiere.

Rosalie said sharply as she put her hand over mine, "Edward, she's lost thirty pounds. You'll need to administer a smaller dose. That dose would kill her."

Rosalie's claim could not be right. I had weighed Bella in the cave when she had first thrown herself into my arms, and it had been eighteen pounds. Placing the syringe on a table, briefly, I lifted Bella to test that notion. Rosalie was right. I do not know how I could have miscalculated something so simple. I corrected the dose, hands shaking and handed it to my sister who did not even bother to hide it from me that she double-checked the amount, and studied me from the corner of her eye.

How could Arria travel with her alleged daughter in this condition? But Arria acted every bit as surprised as we were.

"The medallion should have healed her," Arria said, blaming the metal around Bella's neck, trying to save her own from the scorn directed at it.

Marcus said, "The workmanship proved to be erratic, Arria. We cannot know that." By his side, Vivinna studied Bella's body. If she opened my dear little one's mouth to examine her teeth, I was going to forget being a gentleman.

Carlisle said, "The pendant has healed her before from serious injury, which is why we are so astonished. You are correct though, it has been, in hindsight, working unevenly."

This did not make sense. I scrutinized Bella's pale flesh stamped with damson and black and yellow and brown harbingers of woe mournfully, detesting myself. The last time she had been this bruised it had been, as she had correctly pointed out to me, my fault, too. I had lost control of my power and had hurt her in the process during the first battle with Phoenix. I had also never apologized for that, either.

Now, I could see marks on her where someone had held her by the upper arms, and her right shoulder. And she had bruises on her legs from Lord only knows what. Rosalie turned Bella's body to make it easier to administer the shot. The second I saw the bare skin of her back, I knew I had not hallucinated Bella springing from the cliff. And that was the last semi-rational thought I had.

My entire body exploded into flames, sparks dripping from my forehead as I started shaking in rage and possibly bellowed something about engaging in a campaign of global destruction on an immortal scale. I replayed the vision of her plummet from the precipice in excruciating detail and my heart started beating in time with Vision Bella's. Crouching over her in the present, I had the sense to prevent others from experiencing it with me. I heard Genghis howl in time with my own.

No matter how hard I fought, I could not stop the scene unfolding detail by detail in my mind, or the accompanying agony as I clutched at my chest. I only knew I had to reach my mate and that someone had hurt her and could harm her still. I felt Vision Bella's heart give its last beat as mine stopped, too. The air caressed my cheek as I collapsed. I could hear the cries of everyone in the room and then I could not feel a thing, as the verdant flames enveloped me and I landed in blessed blackness' embrace.

You know your life truly is in the doldrums when even Genevieve O'Shea Swan shuns you. Liam, too. I heard Jugurtha's calm voice, "We'll stay here awhile and chat."

Staring around, I realized I sat in an armchair inside Jugurtha's cave. I had never seen this place. He decorated it better than the house in Forks.

"What? Just because I'm a beast does not preclude me from being a man of culture."

"True. The Volturi proved that point."

"That is who we need to discuss."

"You are taking me away from Bella for this?"

"I'm not taking you away from her at all. She is safe. But since I am the one with the survival instinct we need to have a refresher course in aristocratic politics."

"Father explained, Jasper, too, that there were scores of squabbling clans vying for power ineffectively at first, and later with more purpose. What more do I need to know?" I huffed impatiently.

"Marcus' Telecles clan rose to power with him at its head. Uniting in marriage with the Catharnai clan only helped matters since they were considered the strongest line."

"What was so special about them?"

"They showed acumen that rivaled Marcus and there were more of them. They also held a stronger reputation in the fear department. And Bella now is the heir to that entire legacy. Cousins married each other back then, and we have no idea how many of hers still trod the Earth with immortal feet. You truly have landed in a nest of vipers. We need to find out if Vivinna's marriage was _sine matu_."

"Why would it matter if she was under the control of her father rather than her husband?"

"Marcus was from a lesser clan. I cannot see them marrying her off any other way. We must proceed with caution because we do not know the extent of her family's involvement if she was married in that manner. Let them think your behavior today was the result of acting on a plan from Arria, and go back to being quiet."

"If I am quiet, people will simply move in and try to stake a claim on Bella."

"She's not land, so they cannot plant a flag in her chest. Marcus has pronounced you married to her, and we will be working earnestly to improve the mate bond once she is well. You gain more by sitting back and observing during this time. And with her ill, no one has the right to approach her. This works well for a rapprochement attempt."

"I concur. I'm returning now." And my body ignored me as I floated in darkness.

I found myself once again sitting in the leather recliner. We had moved to a darker part of the forest. The trees loomed over us, moss-coated trunks blending in with the equally furry boulders. Bunchberries and Avalanche Lilies accompanied the western wallflowers sitting like children at Hezekiah's polished shoes. He was in his Sunday suit and tie. And he had shadows under his eyes. I did not think it possible for spirits to lose weight. He appeared haggard.

"Son, you have a way of ……"he stopped.

"I know. I am sorry."

"You are?"

"I don't understand anything anymore."

"Edward, you need to get back to Forks pronto."

"Oh, I agree, Bella requires treatment. Hezekiah?" My voice fell to a hush.

"Yes, son?"

"What is wrong with me?"

"From what Jenny tells me you had yourself a right and proper nervous breakdown. You've been working your way up to it for months. And I see you have found the endless source of power."

"Did you know?"

"Heck no. I would never have guessed. We were all plumb gobsmacked."

"I don't know what this means – this ability of hers."

"Edward, do you remember when I told you that every time you share power with another stronger spirit that your strength grows from it?"

"Yes."

"Neither I nor anyone up here I can find has ever seen the type of power she has."

"Is she more powerful than Marcus?"

"That I don't know. I do know that her power blends with yours and only yours. And it may have to do with the fact that you have the wolf in you."

"Wait. So she's my endless source of power?"

"That is what it seems. I don't think any one else can use her ability. And it is increasing yours, but it also is hurting you more every time you accept the use of it. She's also the only reason you're still standing as her touch seems to help heal you. That's about all the time we have. Jenny says you better work on your apology speech, but I should not have to tell you that."

Miserably, I whispered, "I know."

"You're in a Hell of a mess, Edward."

"Will you leave me again?"

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees meeting my eyes, "Son, I never left you. I simply sat back and waited for you to listen to me. We've been with you every step of the way, shouting at you for months. Teddy Roosevelt appears to be the only one who captured your attention for long. We've all tried to get you to come out of your fog."

Oh.

"Is President Roosevelt going to beat me with a tree again?"

"He's mad enough. He says right now even that won't hurt you. He says that you have to repair the damage from the treaties that you have harmed and the covenants you have broken with Bella and your family. Stay strong, Edward, and learn how to duck."

I came to in a state of fury feeling as if someone rudely banged a gauntleted fist against the door of my mind, interrupting my lesson with my friend. He had been a sight for sore eyes. His advice made me feel like I had the ability to get through the next five minutes.

Now I could feel Bella's physical pain in the present, and my heart started beating again in time with hers. And I could at least in one way stop her from ever experiencing pain like that again.

Forget that leaving her alive meant torture for every second on earth knowing Jasper refused her love; I was most definitely going to annihilate Victoria. Now. Growling something about Victoria and death and justice, I sprang from the floor. I knew the power in me would be magnified a thousand times as I touched my unnaturally still little one and I called upon the Quileute spirits to help me avenge my wounded love and to let me take on her pain. It bothered me not that I most likely had an ocean between my prey I was absolutely ---

Smacked across the jaw and woke up face down on the smooth stone floor, my forehead resting on a pair of large feet. Calloused hands lifted me like a spoiled fruit from the ground. Marcus held me like I had seen one woman at the school office hold her screaming toddler.

He almost sounded bored, "Are you in control of yourself now?"

"Yes."

"Patience, Edward, is a virtue you should contemplate. Bella requires you to be calm for her sake. Your unacceptable loss of control most likely frightened the part of her that is awake. And you could have hurt your brother who has suffered enough today." He tilted his brow towards Jasper.

Everyone stared at me. Marcus set me down by Mother. I could not decide what was more humiliating as I read Marcus' mind, the fact that he had to scold me in public, or the fact that his wife, who casually studied her nails of her closed left hand, had felled me with one solid punch. I knew where Bella inherited that hook. And my jaw actually hurt. Caesar, Michael Angelo, Ramses II, Emperor Tiberius, and Napoleon had all been left handed. And now I realized the real reason why society treated left-handed people as if they were possessed by Satan. She set the bar for that legend.

And I worried because I could not hear Genghis.

"Where is the dog?" I asked.

"His howling and yours was disturbing Bella so I had him moved. He lives still." Marcus stared. I could not meet his gaze for long.

Mother put her arm across my shoulders.

Father said, "He is new to his gifts and as a side effect of them, acts like a newborn."

Jasper, I am sorry to say, had vomited up all the algae in a Ming vase due to that tiny bit of emotion he had caught from me before I had blocked it. Everyone else in the room that was outside of our family had developed a healthy respect for his gift having been blasted as he responded to a fragment of my pain. And blast it, my brother's twisted little mind was actually wondering why he had only felt a flicker of my emotions. I could not have him finding out I had blocked him for years.

Mother said while stroking my back like you would a small child, "Edward, we need you to keep calm or people could get hurt. Can you please do that for me? For her, too?"

Jugurtha said, "Remember the plan."

"I apologize. I will try." I whispered against the top of her head, and radiated an appropriate level of burning shame in Jasper's direction with a top note of anger. That should keep him occupied.

Jugurtha said, "You got flattened in one punch by the Gorgon. That was hot. And she totally stripped you of your man card, which helps with our strategy. She's back on my list of MILFs." He scribbled something in my planner. Why was he comparing her to milk? We hadn't drunk any since breakfast with Bella ages ago. "She can spank me any time," he muttered as he scribbled. Sometimes that man baffled me. Why would he ask her to beat him? If one flick of her fist hurt that much on my jaw, I shuddered to think….never mind.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You cannot even determine our poor little one's weight accurately. I think you should let Father and Rosalie treat her." He said to Jugurtha. "We did deserve that beating. I agree with you."

Jugurtha said, "I must vote with him on the treatment issue. You need time to recuperate."

Rosalie and Father examined Bella. Rosalie said at vampire pitch when her hands touched Bella's trunk, "The left side of her rib cage had several fresh breaks. The right side, too." They did not have to say this was the third time she had broken ribs within the past year.

I could see the pink and silvered scars from her past surgeries tracing jagged trails on her wasted arms and legs. Rose gently rolled my dear little one over to examine her spine. I saw the initials carved in her flesh and smelled the infection that had started to take root in her blood. The marks seemed to burn my eyes. And her lower back appeared to be one large bruise. Something had definitely hit her, something large. She had gone into the water feet first, so it could not be from the fall. I definitely planned on having a chat with her now silver gyrfalcons once they were back on her body. At present they were downstairs causing chaos, my minions of mayhem. Where were they when Victoria carved her up like a Christmas ham?

Jugurtha said as he flipped through my planner, "You need to focus. Arria told us minutes ago that the birds had been damaged by a seer. I've added her to your list of imbeciles who must die immediately for our dear little one's welfare. And I have also scheduled in some breaks where you can explode non-sentient objects. The seer is ranked second currently."

Oh, right.

Forget that. I used my power to snap at FitzCadaver, "Where were you when she was attacked with a knife?" He sneered back, appeared momentarily guilty along with the others, that it was a long story and could I interrupt them later, they were a little occupied as he breathed a trail of fire at the feet of an angry immortal who wanted to feed on the humans he could not smell that were surrounded by that annoying green stuff. My brother clearing his throat drew me back into the room.

Jasper's refined sense of decency required he immediately move his eyes to the floor to preserve her modesty, although he certainly had an alarming glance seared into his memory.

"Who the Hell beat and cut her?" Jasper bit each word out slowly, fuming. For a moment, he forgot those ingrained Southern manners about swearing in front of gently bred females.

"Your wife." I answered out loud in Oscan. All eyes turned to Mary Alice. "The _other_ one," I clarified, "The legal one. From the smell I think she poisoned Bella, too."

That sounded bad. But it was the truth. If Jasper knew how to communicate effectively with women, we would not be in this predicament.

Arria said, "The poison was a mild one, and the necklace has overcome it." I could tell she wondered how I recognized the poison seeing as my family had not detected it earlier.

Marcus said to Jasper, "Would you care to explain this?" Oops.

Jasper said, "I was turned by a woman named Maria Montenegro—"

The Gorgon said, "She was the slave Antigone that Caius assigned to watch over his son. She kept and turned the boy." By his face Marcus had never seen the common house slave.

Jasper said, "I have only recently recovered memories of my newborn years, ones that were blocked. I did not know that my human wife had been turned, and believed her dead because she had a grave. She works with Maria."

Marcus said, "You are mated with Alice?"

Jasper answered, "Yes, sir." He could not appear more uncomfortable.

Father, Rose and I stared in stupefaction at the deep wide red scars that were on her stomach, hips, and upper buttocks.

Rose said to Father, "I have never seen any marks like this, have you?"

Father said, "No. They appear recent and severe enough to require stitches, yet I can see no sign she received them."

Even I with my sensitivity to her blood had not sensed this amount of damage. I guessed from the minds of the others that Marcus and Skeevy, and Alice could smell her, although not very well. The Gorgon and her daughter, too. Thinking of that woman as the birth mother of my beloved was terrifying and somehow, my righteous reward.

I handled Rosalie a suture worked at vampire speed on the carved shoulder.

Emmett said, "Jesus Christ. She looks like she hasn't eaten in months. What the Hell, Edward?"

Rosalie had already dosed her with a sedative. And her stitches on her back were a work of art. Father used another syringe and administered a shot of an antibiotic to stave off the infection.

Jugurtha reminded me, "While you've been bantering with Arria and knocking out her guards, your sister has been needling you about the necklace and ring. Pay attention. She just asked you why you broke up with Bella."

Thinking of the whole heartbeat and screaming scene from a few moments ago, Father said sharply, "Rosalie, in the shape Edward is in, I think that question has an obvious answer, and can wait. Since they are mated, they are not broken up." Right. What he said.

"Yes, Father." Mentally she said, _"Get it together, because you and I, brother mine, are overdue for a long talk about this,"_ she gestured with her head at Bella's body. I heard the same thoughts in stereo from Emmett and Jasper. Eleazar and Carmen. Mother and Father. And Marcus. The Gorgon, too. And Arria. Lovely. Skeevy could not wait to get me alone. And that lout from the day I had departed voiced from the back of the crowd that he was going to kick my…never mind. I was now the piñata of the immortal world. Everyone wanted to take a swing. Except, I was not filled with sweet candy, but the putrid fruits of malice galore.

Starched Shirt Edward smirked, "They need to take a number and stand in line. But you will survive it. You will do it for her sake."

I was good at holding my tongue. I had decades of practice. They could not break me.

Jugurtha showed me another memory.

_I sat with Carlisle in his study before opened tomes. Jasper and Emmett sat by us at a table. Emmett said, "I cannot believe all this happened for generations and we never knew."_

_Father said, "We have lived a sheltered life from the immortals. Aside from the Denalis, I did not trust any to keep the secrets of our gifts."_

_Jasper said, "But even when we lived with the Denali coven, they never said anything either."_

"_I suppose it's simply become a custom not to speak of that time. So many immortals and humans lost their lives. Tanya, Kate, and Irina had their mother executed before them for creating an immortal child. We did not want to cause them distress by discussing the era. And the Volturi did not like the way it had concluded with the largest clans vanishing into the mists, so it was to their advantage that they let generations assume they were the sole power."_

_Emmett said, "So what would happen if the lost covens ever appeared?"_

"_War," Father said bleakly. His grim words were interrupted with the sound of Bella laughing with Mary Alice and Rosalie upstairs. _

_

* * *

  
_

**Snarky Summary:**

**Genghis managed to get Bella to react to her surroundings. Arria knows more about Bella than Edward it seems, and he is all kinds of bent….well that's true on **_**multiple**_** levels, but he's all kinds of bent out of shape about it. No one beats him in Bella Trivial Pursuit. Vivinna sure knows how to handle Edward when he gets all emotional, although she's more direct about it than Marcus. Bella is in bad shape thanks to that shoddy pendant that is on the fritz. I think the fritzy pendent is the fourth cousin twice removed to Hans and Franz. But I digress. Victoria really knows how to make a point about her husband's scalawag ways.**

**Edward pitches a fit or two. Passes out. Gets lectured by Hezekiah. Learns that Bella is HIS endless source of power, not any one else's. Pity. That. He's totally not sorry about that part. He's not into sharing you see. Genghis and Edward sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S….well you get the idea. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder and insisting that he made the ultimate sacrifice thinking of England. I mean thinking of Bella the entire time. Between you and me, he has a better chance of getting to first base with Genghis than he does Bella at present. Jugurtha gives Edward the 411 on vampiric politics to help him understand his brave new immortal VampVerse. **

http://farm4 (dot) static (dot) flickr (dot) com/3455/3356258242_094ce5d248 (dot) jpg?v=0

**This is a roman frieze**

**

* * *

  
**

**References:**

**Automatic writing is studied at Duke University:**

http://www (dot) duke (dot) edu/web/lit132/automatic (dot) html

**Chiaroscuro is a term I learned in art history class - the balance between light and dark an artist uses:**

http://emptyeasel (dot) com/2007/07/20/chiaroscuro-in-painting-the-power-of-light-and-dark/

http://www (dot) webexhibits (dot) org/colorart/vinci (dot) html

**Migas are really good (dot) But don't take my word for it:**

http://homesicktexan (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2008/05/migas-in-morning (dot) html

**Which is more dangerous, a dog bite or a human bite?**

http://indianapublicmedia (dot) org/amomentofscience/dog-mouth-vs-human-mouth/

**I borrowed the "lean and hungry look" line from Shakespeare. Julius Ceasar is fun reading:**

http://shakespeare (dot) mit (dot) edu/julius_caesar/julius_caesar (dot) 1 (dot) 2 (dot) html

**Vivinna has an unusual amount of power given the era when she lived. Same deal for her daughter. The term 'sine manu' is discussed here as well:**

http://www (dot) pbs (dot) org/empires/romans/empire/women (dot) html

**Jasper had better read up on Ancient Roman marriage laws before Marcus teaches them to him:**

http://www (dot) fordham (dot) edu/halsall/source/cjc-marriage (dot) html

**Jasper has excellent taste in picking vases:**

http://www (dot) art-and-archaeology (dot) com/timelines/china/ming (dot) html

**Edward has clearly never read the urban dictionary:**

http://www (dot) urbandictionary (dot) com/define (dot) php?term=milf

**Selective perception is a cool concept, and the story of Edward's life:**

http://counsellingcentral (dot) com/psychology-definition-of-the-week-selective-perception/

**Grunge is more than dirt:**

http://www (dot) fashion-era (dot) com/the_1990s (dot) htm

If you own a dog, you should know canine CPR (dot) I did not make this up:

http://www (dot) billfoundation (dot) org/news/canine_cpr (dot) html

* * *

**Tune in next time for our next installment of As the Gudgeon Spurns.**

**Douglas would like to thank his fan club for their support. He will be appearing in a few chapters. Promise.**

There's a picture of him on my profile

**Please review, Genghis needs some love. Cause he has all kinds of plans for Edward.**


	52. HOD pt 41 Sounds of Silence & War

**CC – Heart of Darkness - Chapter Eight – Part Forty One – The Sounds of Silence and War**

***This chapter contains dark themes***

Do you remember the bridge that Edward blew up in a fit if pique? The one he kept having nightmares about Bella stumbling across? That one?

http://static (dot) panoramio (dot) com/photos/original/11040484 (dot) jpg

The first link for this section on my author's profile page will become important later in this chapter

Many thanks to all for reading!

Shout outs to my muses: anniebme, Fleuritup, pomme_de_terre, jenejes, Truefan, Merrisol, Robs_Muse, notmyself, Rgwmnks, TraceyJ, elphabacy35, lost star, fanficreader83, JaJiTaXx, Mskuhlena, lovelifeX2, jmolly, sonecrackle, solenoidbelle, Treya, DawnStimson, dellatwi, PJ Austin, Mizra, Prettyflour, Cindy Windy, Codelina, Lady Dragona, Ldybnny, favludo, Kymbalie, sariedee, Oxymoronic8, wtvoc, GinnyW, Cullen Pearl, squarepancake, sexysadie13, summerc79, blue2185, Viridis73, lovelifeX2, and Avidreader69

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. **

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers and Jackie Jones for beta-ing above and beyond the call of duty. **

**Many thanks as well to Mizra, who worked her tail feathers off making family trees in order to help all readers at this point of the story have a visual way of keeping track of who is related to whom. I can't even begin to tell you all how much that means to me. I will include this link in future chapters so people don't have to hunt for it if a question arises. **

**http://www**** (dot) mizradesign (dot) com/manips/CC/familyhistories (dot) html**

**Fanfiction Business: I am a judge for the Eddies and the Bellies ****http://www (dot) thecatt (dot) net/tw/default (dot) aspx**

**And want to encourage you all to go out and vote for your favorite fanfictions. Voting should start next week. **

**Songs for this Section:**

**Carmina Burana o fortuna **

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=7HMQOX3h7ZI&feature=related

**Now We are Free – Hans Zimmer/Lisa Gerrard – Gladiator**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=9CppQF_nwn8

**When Will I Be Loved? – The Everly Brothers**

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=LsB1W9MQ9nI

* * *

**AN: **Bella has lost thirty pounds. I am NOT writing her as suffering from an eating disorder. She's been eating like a linebacker for the past 11 months. Just wanted to make that clear.

Second, the flashbacks are serving several functions. I thought of them as a way of showing the readers the way that the past, present, and future are/will collide/ing. To me, they are important as they are setting up what you can expect to see when Bella does start talking to Edward (and everyone else) again -which will be when they arrive in Forks. She'll be catatonic for 24 hours.

Third, in this section of the story, it is my hope that you read the information about Marcus and his family and see just how much Bella (and the Cullens) have stepped through the looking glass into an entirely new world. One they did not choose. One that was forced upon them. And one they can't leave. It should also make you start to wonder about the first arc of the story a bit more.

For your daily dose of snark you can follow me on Twitter. I don't spam. Promise. FF was down twice when I was trying to post and the emails were taking over 12 hours to get through so consider this a more efficient way of finding out when I post.

bookishqua

**Snarky Summary: **

**It's been so long! I've been sick, my beta's been sick, my validating beta's been sick, and fanfiction's web site has been sick. Sorry you didn't get this sooner, and to atone for it I smashed two chapters together. Although for the record, I'll take bronchitis any day over the flu and feel lucky, thank you very much. If I get the flu, I am for the record going to spam vjgm for transmitting it via the web. Kidding. Not. Things you need to know from previous chapters that will aid you in understanding this one are as follows. In HOD part 25, Bella took Edward to see Not-Really-Great-Uncle Liam's labs, the cave lurking underground brimming with glow in the dark algae, and skulking in the pitch shadow-walking-immortals. Apparently, the Vancouver Coven was not from Vancouver, the bastards, and ran a moral immortal fast food business for scum-sucking vegetarians world wide. The Fake Canadians kept the killer location of the sludge secret, and therefore built up power with other lost covens. 'Be nice to me and you get food that makes your scent vanish,' kind of power. Jasper had speculated with Alice on the difficulty of that many immortals hiding from the constantly searching Volturi. Now we know how. Partly. The Lost Covens gave up consuming human blood, and also maintained mortal lines and bred them like nymphomaniac rabbits with other randy humans from other Lost Covens to create the most powerful vampires they could. And boy did those humans ever get it on. Lots and lots of progeny over the generations were doing the horizontal lambada while listening to the Lost Coven version of Barry White and Marvin Gaye and Nine Inch Nails. WTVOC says that I should also add D'Angelo, R. Kelly, and Prince to that mix, so I'm totally doing it and giving her credit for it. But still. Vivinna and Eve both tried to convince Edward that Bella had to stay human. They never said why. Gee? *scratches head* In the Sword of Damocles, Edward forced the Vancouver coven and others within a 2,000 mile radius to go on a hunger strike until Vivinna agreed to sign a new treaty with the Cullen family penned by Mr. Military Meticulous Jasper. Since he never intended on allowing her to be changed, Edward had no problem agreeing to wait until Bella was eighteen before doing that whole venom chomping business. And folks, now she's eighteen. Problem. That. And Marcus has announced that she will be changed. Problem. That. **

**In How Bout Dem Apples, Bella flashed us a peep of her backstabbing nature. Our dear little Grand-orphan expressed her regret over said pointed observations in Fourteen Kinds of Fucked Up. Charlie, when he heard about her almost death decided he was getting his baby girl the biggest damn dog he could find. And boy did he. Edward and the Tibetan Mastiff puppy Genghis pissed each other off from the first second they saw each other. **

**We saw in the last chapter that Bella has a heart problem. Seriously. Not just that rat-bastard lily-livered lying asshole Edward. Her heart is not beating in a proper rhythm and she is coughing up blood. I mean Edward cherishes every little scent-antic saliva sample his dear little one gives him, but blood and lugies? He has to draw the line somewhere. And she's only speaking a word or two. Random. She's found a new way to drive Edward bonkers. I keep waiting for her to look at him, tweak his nose, and yell, "Psych!" then "Bitch!" Followed by the 'knee-knee-knee' sound from Psycho with her holding a vampire blade aimed at Edward-don't-mean-to-brag junior. Kidding. Not. Testicles are over-rated anyway. It's not like he needs his. Or ever will at this rate.**

**In the last chapter we learned that Fate had not been so gentle with Bella. Her dog Genghis helped bring her out of her daze for a few moments and then had to go all diva and sink into cardiac arrest just to prove he was valuable. Scene Stealer. We'll definitely have to get him and Douglas in a room. Douglas has asked me to remind you that he still has Edward's nuts since Edward clearly has no use for them. Speaking of which, Edward proved once again that he can arouse all sorts of things with the touch of his lips. Even the dead. Perhaps there is hope after all for his relationship with Bella. **

**Marcus ordered his men to take the newly-brought-back-to-life-by-the-lying-lips-of-Edward canine Genghis out of the room down the hall. Marcus' family is repulsed at Edward's tendency towards French kissing dogs. Back in their day, when they weren't walking uphill both ways in snow, they either used dogs in battle siccing them on enemies, threw plague infested corpses of them over the walls of cities as germ warfare, or ate them. Not the plague-infested ones. My, how time has passed. They sincerely wondered for a moment if Edward needed to have a room for husbandly duties of an entirely **_**other**_** kind. Jugurtha says just to mess with them he should have. Asked for a room. Nothing more. *blinks* I mean, seriously, Edward has standards. On an entirely other note, aren't you glad I wrote out that ability for him to create instant orgasms with a kiss? That would have been all kinds of awkward with Genghis. I shit you not. I mean Edward's annoying enough when he barks at Bella and demands she comes in other stories. I'm thinking Genghis wouldn't react so well to that whole yanking on the collar business. *woof***

**The Cullens and the Telecles Clan begin negotiations as to who will have custody of Silent Bella. Marcus had declared her kind-of-sort-of mated with Edward, yet she is also now the most valuable human in the VampVerse due to that smoking hot DNA of hers, which means the Cullens cannot protect her. Edward sees in Marcus' chamber a sculpture that Bella had drawn a picture of while asleep back in Forks months earlier. **

**Our coming back to reality fumbler learns that whole source of endless power business so far means that Bella is ****his**** ultimate source of power but there don't appear to be vampire adapters that permit her to work with any other immortal. He can't help but feel smug about this fact. Arria spills about how Bella came to be born and why she chose Liam's scary swimmers out of all the people on Earth. Jugurtha gives Edward a quick tutorial on Lost Coven Politics 501, and Hezekiah stops by to check in on our dear boy blunder to encourage him to get his scrawny butt back to the reservation in Advanced Shaman Musings 719 as soon as possible. **

**Vivinna knocks out Edward with a single punch when he has a hissy fit over Bella's new etchings courtesy of Victoria – and totally owns him in front of his and her families. They find all sorts of curious scars on Bella that they cannot tell what caused them. *Waves arm* Aside from the ones Edward gave her with that whole flinging her into the house by accident snafu. And the ones caused by accidents they learned of by scrying her medical records. But she has new ones. Odd ones. Arria plays dumb. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

****CC – Heart of Darkness - Chapter Eight – Part Forty One – The Sounds of Silence and War**

Mother, Mary Alice, and Rosalie carried Bella into an adjacent bathing chamber determined to clean her carefully, and wash the salt, sand, and grime from her hair. I would not know what they saw because Arria sniped to me privately, _"Bella deserves privacy from prying minds,"_ – that meant me – and then she abruptly shielded the room like the Iron Curtain. Fine.

She cares about her daughter's privacy but lets others bathe her wounded child while she stands in the other room emitting that chilly demeanor? And minutes ago, Marcus declared me to be her mate - Bella's not Arria's – in front of fang and countries, which means I get to look at her naked all I want. Immortal law says so. Somewhere.

I can only assume that they worked at vampire speed, because they emerged with my dear little bedraggled one a few minutes later. Arria might have been able to block off the room. She could not prevent me from reading their minds when they returned with Bella – well those of my family. Giving her a bath had been a trial because Bella had resisted every movement they made til they finally had to hold her down. Mother wept, fearing she would shatter Bella's forearms at the sight of her naked form. Rosalie fretted they would add to her bruises. Everyone felt the sight of Bella writhing, or trying to while they washed the sand from La Paz from her hair was eerie as she made not a sound through that blank mask she wore.

It required every bit of acting prowess I owned to pretend ignorance and to remain as composed as I could without having people suspect me of being demented. For a moment, my mind wandered to memories of deceptive days gone by. On that day in the cave, when I had contemplated ending her life, with a single embrace she had actually preserved mine. In every way that mattered.

_We were at my house hiding from Jane, Alec, and seeking respite from the world. After weeping over the worthless wretch she'd slain with an improbably perfectly- aimed blade to protect, of all things, mendacious me, I had carried her to our bed. Bella had murmured to me something impossibly sweet, given my malevolent nature, about how I mattered to her and my family. I maintained what I hoped was a soothing pattern of circles, and rubbed her back gingerly with open palms. She drowsed, draped atop me like a bearskin rug. Working at the boulders of tension in her shoulders, I feared bruising her._

"_Bella?"_

"_Hmmm?"_

"_I've been creating friction with my hands to help your tense shoulders. I'd like to use pressure."_

"_M-kay."_Her hair swept up off her back obscured her face from me. As she spoke a tuft of it blew. She put her hands on my shoulders for leverage and scooted closer towards the headboard and my face, fangs, and lips and fangs and lips and rubbed her chest against me in the process oh, my. Drat. I was totally going to my well-deserved Hell. She was vulnerable. Weepy. She kept her hidden face planted firmly on the space between my neck and shoulder. I had to be strong for both of us.

"_I need you to tell me how hard is too hard. I do not want to hurt you. Compared to me, you are fragile."_

_She harrumphed into my neck, nuzzling it. I could get used to this. The nuzzling. The scoffing, too. When combined in tandem with her strategically placed atop my chest, this practice merited further trials. And several follow-up studies. We most definitely desired gathering longitudinal data. Quantitative Methodology said so. _

"_That sounded suspiciously like a scoff, my Queen."_

_I could feel her breath spreading fire to my clavicle, searing through the cotton of my shirt with each syllable, "I might not show it tonight, Edward; but I am stronger than you know."_

Months later, those whispered words returned to deride me. I struggled in vain to sustain a sense of optimism. Seeing and feeling Bella drown had been the worst ordeal of my life, but _this _ranked a very close second, to find my love, my newly declared mate in such a fractured state. Bella appeared like an automaton when they carried her into the room clothed, a towel drooping from her shoulders. Her eyes were open, yet she did not seem to see. The image of Lot's wife from the Bible came to mind. Bella had seen true wickedness and acted as if transformed into a pillar of salt.

"She has never behaved so. What is wrong?" Arria sounded mystified.

Rosalie said, "My human sister has these little things called emotions flitting about her mortal consciousness. Right now they are damaged."

Arria stared down at her watch, "When will she speak like normal?" What did she think? She could schedule in a time for Bella to have a nervous breakdown? She all but tapped her foot in impatience.

"Witnessing the violence of the feeding has sent Bella into a state of catatonia," Father said in a neutral tone.

Arria stared at her knife and toyed with it, "I don't know what that means." She uttered that question in a commanding tone like, 'You shall explain this odd behavior, peon.'

Marcus simply lifted an eyebrow at his daughter which produced an amazing rise in the respect she accorded my Father. She offered him some kind of half nod which I think in Telecles-speak meant, "I formally apologize for acting like a snotty aristocrat – which I totally am – please continue, my good man."

"Technically, catatonia describes people who are non-responsive to their environment while being awake," Rosalie expounded. I could tell she took joy in using words that Arria would not comprehend. Young To Me Old Power might come from pristine aristocratic bloodlines, but with every multi-syllabic word, Rosalie intended to communicate her evaluation of Arria's brainpower. Father frowned at Rosalie and conveyed to her with a glance that she was on a short leash.

"She speaks though. She noticed the dog." Arria pointed at the empty space on the bed where the mongrel had lain. Totally hogging attention. I mean, I know he had been beaten and all, but couldn't he have planned his temporary demise at a more convenient time?

Father attempted to soothe the waters, "There are different types of catatonia. Bella seems to be moving between them. When she attacked Edward in the cave, and her heart rate became fast, that was most likely due to the condition. Now she's showing the other type. She speaks every now and then nonsense words."

"But why?" Those words did not trip lightly from Arria's lips.

Rosalie intoned, "It means that throwing her at the Volturi as bait was a bad idea and forcing her to watch six hundred people devoured caused her to have a mental collapse. Humans are fragile. They have _feelings_." Rosalie said.

Jasper decided the clinical tone our sister utilized only made her words sound harsher once the verbal arrows took root and burrowed beneath the skin. He mentally told me,_ "Edward I've always had a difficult time reading her. But now. . . she's like a blank slate."_

"Good dog," Bella stroked the blanket on her lap. I celebrated at her movement. Then she froze right back up again.

Mary Alice worked at combing and drying Bella's long tangled hair. Rosalie grabbed a brush and took another gnarled section of Bella's tresses. "The truth of the matter is she could snap out of it in an hour. Or she could stay this way the rest of her life." And once the import of those words struck Mary Alice, she tore into Arria like a tornado.

Her frigid tone contrasted with the gentle strokes Mary Alice used on Bella's knotted hair. "What you did to Bella in the throne room was unconscionable. I could see Edward trying to make her sleep to protect her, and you prevented it." Mary Alice's voice cut the room like ice. Judging by her thrown back shoulders and narrowed eyes, clearly Arria was not used to having anyone speak to her in a tone like that. And Rosalie and Mary Alice made an impressive debate team.

Jane seemed to think so. Both sisters mentally wailed about the lack of something called leave-in-conditioner. I thought that you had to rinse that product from one's hair. But nothing was too small for me to do for my mate. Especially when Mother pondered cutting significant portions of her hair. We couldn't have that. Bella would be upset. She preferred long hair.

Mentally I said to both Jane and Marcus, _"My sisters think Bella requires something called leave-in-conditioner for her hair."_

Marcus tilted his head to one side and his eyes became glassy for a second before he answered, _"Heidi will see to it. Go meet her," _He ordered her brother had expressed disdain for his chore, Jane bolted from the room all intent on impressing Marcus with her usefulness seeing as he did not currently need her to cause anyone to writhe on the floor in pain. And the fact that she even considered doing that to my mate in order to shock her awake disturbed me greatly. Besides, I doubted it would have worked anyway.

With a genuine expression of bafflement upon her face, Rosalie said to Arria, "All my life, I've yearned to be a mother. I do not understand how you could do that to your own child. What ever made you think she would be unaffected watching a feeding?"

"She's proved her strength," Arria countered, "Bella did kill a man not long ago."

Sharply, Esme rejoined, "There is a vast difference between taking one life in self-defense and watching a room full of immortals crush the throats of six hundred humans."

Arria said, "You do not understand our ways. I was testing her, and she passed."

Marcus waved his arm at Bella's body and said to Arria, "You planned this?"

Arria gestured defensively towards the toddlers that slept in the next room, "Bella showed bravery under duress, saving those humans. I did not realize she was so weak, or I would have arranged for it to occur at another time."

That did it. This woman was toast. On that note, Jane entered the room and handed to Rosalie, Mary Alice, and Mother identical bottles of some substance. It seemed to cheer them immensely. And then they proceeded to spray it upon my poor little mate's hair. She smelled like a rotten coconut grove. Even Emmett curled his nose. Staring at Bella's hair, struck by the stench, my sister lost her temper.

Mary Alice clenched her fists and shook like an adolescent wolf about to phase. "Except you miscalculated. And you let her enter that room assuming that Edward and the rest of us could protect her. You never told any of us that she had new abilities, like being able to move faster. How were we supposed to guard her if we didn't know?"

"I don't make mistakes. My men and I were capable of protecting Bella in case your family failed, and Edward adapts well under pressure." Arria had her arms crossed staring over Mary Alice's head.

Who was being audacious now? If that wasted-away woman was any indication that Arria had been protecting her daughter after eight months . . . then Genevieve had shown remarkably good sense in having Bella raised away from her. It did not hurt as much as I thought it would, deciding that Renee Swan was a more qualified parent. Perhaps Liam had ample motives for the algae dying conveniently around Bella's eighteenth birthday. Only he was a mortal insane enough to take on Arria.

Rosalie said, "Edward is sometimes adaptable, but it depends on the circumstances. I think it is safe to say that my brother is not himself at present." She said to my mind, _"Edward, I know this reeks to high heaven. We need it to untangle the snarls in her hair and we will rinse it."_ And at that second, blessedly, Arria's unscent-my-singer-to-all-but-me-blood plan kicked in. Now I and a few others could smell her, but at least she would not reek to strangers.

"Failure to recognize your own weaknesses is a potential death sentence, Arria," Marcus said sharply to his daughter. He gestured to his mate, "We all make misjudgments. Living with the consequences is the bitter part. Your Mother and I have sacrificed a thousand years to atone for our transgressions. And you never put critical tasks in the hands of soldiers that are not briefed and prepared."

Impassioned, Alice bit out each word, "Right now, Bella wants to die. The visions I am having are so devastating I can barely stand it." Her hands shook so badly she had to halt brushing Bella's hair for fear of breaking it. Emmett nudged her aside and took over.

If I had to guess, it almost appeared that Alice and Marcus had some kind of private link. Suspicious bastard that I am, I suspected my sister, who had so handily blocked me from her vision of my suicidal bride, had conveyed the contents to Marcus, and through him to the rest of the family.

Arria grimaced like she was contemplating being ill. Skeevy, too. Marcus and the Gorgon stood staring at their daughter and Bella. Like the statue of blind justice had her blindfold ripped off forcibly by Fate, Vivinna seemed to be re-evaluating her child.

The efforts of my family to block me alarmed me. When you added in that Marcus ensured I could not read the others of his clan, that sent my anxiety levels soaring to the heavens. And I sank down beside my bride as she sat like a statue on a catafalque. The bed had become her bier.

Jugurtha kept whispering to me in a soothing voice and showing me Future Us. I tried to use the vision. Truly, I did. But I kept supplanting the image of Bella in Future Us with the emaciated woman next to me, smiling lovingly as if all were well in the universe, and the ghastly contrast flayed at my conscience. I had spent decades dreaming of reaching Death's welcoming embrace, yet the idea of my Bella doing the same made my very being revolt. The Bella I knew had nice things to say about dead trees lying on the ground suffocated by moss. The Bella I knew lived to defeat me in chess. The Bella I knew endured my caustic tongue and walked away from me with queenly grace, when she wasn't tripping. I could not reconcile the two images in my mind.

Jugurtha said, "You do not know that the Future vision of the two of you will not happen. Alice has not said so."

"She has not reassured me that it will," I hedged.

He wagged a finger at me. "That does not mean you have to lie down and accept her leaving the mortal life this way. Now we know we have a challenge before us."

Speaking as if she were comforting Mary Alice, Arria pointed out gently, "Your visions have been wrong before." That was true. The woman was a genius.

"Keep telling yourself that," Mary Alice snapped and turned back to attending Bella.

Father asked Mary Alice, "Do you see her as suicidal right now?" Merely hearing that word speared my soul.

My sister sadly replied, "Yes. We cannot leave her alone with any kind of medication." I recalled the drugs she had been prescribed back in Forks – the ones she did not currently have in her system. She definitely had enough to, if mixed in the right dosages and combined with alcohol, put herself in danger. Fine. She was never being around a bottle of any kind of medication again. Problem solved.

Throwing her hands up, exasperated, Arria snapped, "She did not try to kill herself. Victoria tried to make it appear that way so it would trigger a vision and you would walk into an ambush. She planned to kill you and restore her husband. Bella handled herself with bravery, and the necklace will heal her." She pointed to the glowing pendant as if it were the sudden appearance of the Ark of the Covenant before praying pilgrims.

Sadly, Mary Alice said in Oscan, "I don't see her being healed like you predict."

"She did not jump willingly." Arria said. "I was there. You were not."

"And what the heck are you talking about her jumping?" Emmett barked. "Bella doesn't jump. She could break her neck using a step-stool."

Arria sighed and said, "Victoria texted Bella that she would spare the Quileute tribe if Bella would meet her at the cliff on Liam's farm."

"How did that happen? You are vampires. And you had plenty of soldiers to take on Victoria, and the tribe can take care of itself," I could not resist the dig.

She gazed at us as if we were simple-minded, "Bella teleported on her own."

I stared at her as if she had casually informed me that I was married to the spawn of Satan. Never Mind. Scratch that. I gawped at her as if she were unhinged. Of all the audacious strategies, she needed to come up with a better story. I was not born yesterday. And neither was Bella.

"The Gorgon used her power to snatch you from the ocean and to send you to Italy accompanied by her troops," Jugurtha reminded me. Right. That. But my mate was human. She could not do something like that on her own. Someone had to have helped her.

"Uh-huh. Pull the other leg and it plays _Jingle Bells_, Lady," scoffed Emmett.

Arria clearly could not understand what he meant, but his tone made her straighten her spine.

"When she donned the bracelet she gained abilities we have not seen. I think it was in response to being attacked."

"What bracelet?" Marcus asked.

Arria tilted her head at Bella's left arm, "My nurse said the bracelet was yours, Mother. I gave it to Liam to give to her when she was eighteen."

Mary Alice moved Bella's hair and the towel that was draped around Bella's shoulders to show us the jewelry. I remembered it from the bank.

Marcus said, "I had that made for your mother by an artist and had it blessed by her family priest. I was going to give that to her when she awoke from being turned. I do not sense anything unusual about it."

Arria said, "That's the problem. Once she put it on, she could do things that she could not before. Things she should not be able to do."

"For her own welfare why didn't you remove it from her?" Mother was appalled.

"You don't think I've tried?" Arria reached out and touched the bracelet's clasp. As she did, the bracelet literally created a force field that pushed away her hand. Mother, Rosalie, Father and I all attempted reaching similar results. Mary Alice stared at Bella for a moment willing a vision to come.

She said to Marcus, "Grandfather, you had it made, right?"

"Yes."

"I think that you have to be the one to take it from her."

Marcus came over hesitatingly, "I might harm her."

Father said, "You have handled jewelry over the years, certainly."

"Yes."

"Make sure you handle the jewelry, not her."

Marcus approached Bella cautiously. Mother and Rosalie extended her arm, which Bella fought against. Marcus could not remove the bracelet.

Jugurtha said, "Have him try it alone."

"Please, try it alone," I said. He sighed as Mother and Rosalie carefully put down Bella's arm.

Rosalie said, "Because of the form of catatonia she has, any movement you make of her body she will push against. You will need to move fast."

"I think I can manage that." Marcus said.

Marcus moved at a speed so fast we could barely catch it with our immortal eyes. He emerged holding the bracelet in his hand and ever so tenderly placed Bella's arm back on the bed.

Jugurtha whistled, "We have a new velocity in the VampVerse: Marcus Telecles speed. He's as fast as you." Fine. Perhaps. But I would grow faster with age. Surely. In some respects only.

Marcus walked to Vivinna's side and fastened the bracelet around her right wrist. She appeared startled. "I have waited a thousand years to say this, 'Welcome to the first day of your immortality as my beloved mate.'" I definitely did not notice that his thumb caressed the inside of her wrist at that blurring rate, because I was not a moral degenerate. All the time. Perhaps I could call myself a semi-reformed-part-time-moral-degenerate? Too wordy.

Jugurtha said, "His discipline amazes me. He hasn't seen his mate in a thousand years, and you'd never know it. If I were in his shoes, I'd be out of those shoes with her in a private room…." I waved him to silence.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Why would you need to be barefoot to converse privately with your wife?"

Jugurtha leered, "With her, upon further consideration, I'd keep my boots on."

"Trying to focus here," I chided them both.

My sisters and Mother took a break from verbal sparring to rinse the goo from Bella's now straightened hair. This time she did not fight as much because they figured out how to hold her still. They returned with her shortly smelling considerably better to my senses.

Marcus reminded his daughter. "I believe you were explaining what happened to Bella."

So Arria sent to Marcus, who in turn put us into the live feed, an image of Bella appearing out of thin air in the Olympic National Forest and sprinting in the rain mixed with sleet. This was the strangest form of déjà-vu. It was the area of the park from my nightmares where I had seen her running terrified on so many nights. Except in my dreams, Bella had been considerably better attired and nourished. And not so fast. And definitely not that wet. And where was her coat?

This Bella ran like a lame gazelle, albeit a young, gawky one. She kept looking over her shoulder for signs of pursuit. In her hand, she held the shining chunk of marble that she had found in my cave on that day in the Park. And she went over the bridge they had built which was, if possible, even worse than the one I had demolished. The second I had a free moment in Forks, I was most definitely turning that into sawdust.

The morons who designed it had widened it merely eight inches. Gee, that way people in wheelchairs could die, too, when the next mild wind destroyed that rickety contraption. And the flooring of it was covered with rounded logs, making navigating the structure without falling flat upon one's face a challenge. After fumbling across it and having two almost falls followed by two near-plunge-over-the-weak-wooden-railing episodes, Bella reached the other side and sprinted into the forest.

We saw her run to what was, last time I checked, Emmett's beloved Jeep, and drive off like a maniac, without fastening her seatbelt or using turn signals, or the windshield wipers, and racing far above the advised speed limit. She took a corner on two wheels in the vision. My heart was keeping time with hers and could not speed up to have a proper cardiac event. But still.

Emmett said, "Hey, that's my car. Where the heck did she learn to drive like a maniac?" Alas, his observation was astute, she made the taxi cab drivers in Athens appear dreary and dull in comparison. And I did not approve of the admiring tone he used. We could not encourage her to be so reckless with her precious life even if this mirage were true. "Say, that's strange," Emmett reached into a pocket and I heard aluminum jingling, "I have the only set of keys here." He held them out for display. Now that just proved my point.

Now I _knew_ this could not be true. Bella did not know how to manipulate the wires of an automobile into starting. Why would she teleport one moment and then use an automobile the next? Bella was not a common thief. I could not see her creeping into our garage and helping herself to Emmett's beloved jeep. And she was considerate. Safety conscious, too, reminding me to put on my seat belt at all times when we drove in the snow. Aside from that whole blithely hanging around disreputable deranged botanists and allowing them to teach her how to wield bladed weapons. Or chatting sweetly with vampires and knowing it the entire time. And sleeping next to a vampire fully appreciating she could be chomped upon at any second. So this vision had to be manufactured out of immortal whimsy. Arria's story made no sense when compared to the Bella I knew so well.

A group of guards appeared wearing hangdog expressions. They behaved for all intents and purposes, like the five stooges. The vampires grumbled about that whole scentless problem Bella had, which would make tracking her challenging. Why, when they masked their own scents as well, was that a valid excuse? I made a note to Jugurtha to add them to the list of people I had to question to learn more about why my Bella was in such a sorry state. Then I planned on making them sorrier.

One genius pointed to the tire tracks the alleged car purportedly stolen by my mate had left in the wet dirt, "She used up her burst of power. She is going to the reservation by car," he snapped to the other and thwacked him on the forehead. "I told you not to take your eyes off of her, and you should have confiscated that bracelet. Arria is going to personally dismember us. We better get Sergei." They vanished. Who the heck was Sergei? Bella did not know a Sergei, by Jove. There was no Sergei at Forks High, either.

Jugurtha said, "We left her for eight months in the care of Arria's coven. She had time to meet lots of new acquaintances, and we never bothered to learn their names. Now I don't know about you, but I'm enjoying watching Arria get roasted. They can criticize us for leaving her, but we are just one. Arria had thousands at her disposal. We need to sit back and let nature take its course. Marcus appears displeased." True. That.

Nonchalantly, Marcus asked, "What reservation?"

Arria answered, "The Quileute tribe has a property that adjoins our food source. Bella owns the land that the algae are in. We've kept the location secret for generations." She left out that whole murdering innocent human families when scaring them into leaving would have been so much kinder. They would have left all the same. I'm sure she could have thought of something if she put her stubborn mind to it.

"Did Victoria discover it?"

"No. Bella has a close relationship with the tribe. Victoria used it against her."

"If your soldiers protected Bella, how did Victoria reach her?"

"She sent a written message that appeared on Bella's cell phone. My guards alerted me, I went to retrieve Bella."

A chill even by immortal standards struck the room when Marcus pointedly asked, "How do you know Bella was not betrayed?"

"Aside from the Cullens, me, and a few humans, no one had the phone number. You are welcome to question Bella's guards. I don't believe any of them would betray her." Marcus turned to Jane and said, "See to it." Jane all but danced from the room. From Marcus' thoughts, he planned on assisting her from afar. He mentally told Alec to get the names of the humans and add them to the list to be questioned. I would have to handle that later. I couldn't have them terrorizing Angela Webber. Mike Newton? Most definitely.

As we stared in stupefaction, Arria said, "I'm not quite sure what happened, but I did hear enough to tell that Victoria wanted Bella to stand near the edge. Bella must have slipped." Arria shrugged. "Or decided that jumping was the best avenue of escape and failed to use her powers to teleport." Wide-eyed Arria feigned innocence, "She is very new to them, after all. And she probably burned them up with the first jump she did."

Casuistical crap.

"If she had Bella's number then reason would suggest she had everyone else's including Jasper's. Why would she have bothered not directly contacting her husband and waiting on Alice's gift to work?" Marcus asked.

"Phoenix jammed our phones almost the entire time we were there," Jasper said with a touch of admiration for his rival's tactic, "We were only able to get a few calls out, and we did not bother to answer the numbers we did not recognize on our phones because we were trying to summon aid." He took out his cell phone and opened it up and found not a single call or text from Victoria.

"And you didn't stop her from falling because?" I blurted to Arria.

She rolled her eyes, "I had my hands full killing Victoria, who had lunged for her. I tore her head off, threw her body to my soldiers and jumped after Bella. I could not do both at once."

Jasper looked up from his cell phone and stilled like the pond before the boulder hit. Mary Alice took his free hand.

Malice dripping from every word, Arria leaned towards Jasper and cooed, "I should offer you condolences on the death of your unlamented forgettable wife, but somehow cannot find it in me to care. I only wish I had the luxury of dismembering her entire corpse or could kill her again for what she did to Bella. It irritates me that I had to delegate that task." She reached into her pocket and extended her palm, "I believe this was your Grandmother's; I ordered it kept for you." She sounded like the apotheosis of consideration. Arria held the rings he had given his wife all those decades ago when he had, by Jasper's faint memory, professed his undying love.

Jasper, much to our astonishment, reigned in his gift and maintained an unabashed expression as he pocketed the jewelry.

I wanted to kill Victoria as well. But I was not about to rub Jasper's face in it. Most assuredly, he made a mistake in how he conveyed to his late wife that he had mated with Mary Alice. He could have been more sensitive and expressed that message in private.

Starched Shirt Edward opined, "Taking her justified anger out on Jasper seems harsh. You should say something. He is suffering at Arria's hands. And even by my standards you sound overly supercilious."

"I detest talking to strangers or people in general and I've done far too much already. It's giving me the jitters," I complained. "And he appears calm." I ignored Starched Shirt Edward's misreading of _my_ behavior. He did that all the time.

"You need to be a man, and stand up for your brother." Jugurtha said.

Fine. No need to involve my manly parts in this. Jealous bastard.

I interjected before Arria could continue her rant, "You are being unnecessarily cruel to Jasper." I left off the part that said, 'I realize because you are a frigid-in-more-ways-than-one-old-maid you do not understand what it feels like to love another romantically,' because I had tact and diplomacy.

"Why not? His being with two women started this battle." Actually, he had been with considerably _more_ than _two_ women since he had been turned; and prior to being mated, but that was private. I definitely would not be pointing out the error of her ways on that score as well. Jasper would thank me.

Once again, I ventured into the verbal joust, "Arria, Victoria was convinced that Alice had ensorcelled Jasper into believing he was mated. That woman sincerely believed she was saving her husband. She genuinely loved him, you see."

"What does that have to do with anything?" She blinked at me as resembling for a moment Starched Shirt Edward in all his clueless glory.

"I have found that particular sentiment sometimes makes fools of us all." And I most certainly did not feel like elaborating on that statement. Plus, it was a good way to divert her. Seriously, I doubted she had ever loved anything aside from her poisoned arrows and swords. She probably named her blade that horrendous name she had planned for Bella: Atilia and sang lullabies to it after hacking off heads and limbs all day long.

Vivinna sniffed at the thought of Victoria, "That woman comported herself poorly."

Esme chided, "Vivinna, how would you feel if today, when you first saw Marcus after a thousand years, you found him to be happily mated to another? For all the world knew, we believed you long dead."

Vivinna shrugged, "Marcus would never do that." Frankly, I did not want to see or even imagine what The Gorgon would have done had that occurred.

Father said, "You do not have any way of proving that point, Vivinna. You were human when Marcus last saw you, just like Jasper was with his late wife. Marcus' vampire instincts could have taken over, and he could have mated to someone during all this time. Many vampires forget their human lives or retain only faint impressions."

Vivinna opened her mouth to speak, and inexplicably closed it.

Recalling Arria's earlier words that sometimes leadership meant making difficult decisions, I had to defend Jasper. So I ignored the pounding in my skull and sent a vision to Marcus to broadcast. He was much better at it than me. As the vision flickered into view, I explained, "I saw how Victoria was turned."

They watched as she awoke in blood-splattered clothing to find herself hovered over by Maria and Caius' son, the immortal child. Jasper winced as he heard the lies Maria told his dearly departed wife, as the shrew offered to help her find Jasper in exchange for her service. Maria's malevolence stood out to all and made everyone angry. Even Arria found them setting newborn Victoria loose on her mortal family as her first meal distasteful. If that bothered her, then Jasper being let loose on his own troops would probably send her into a stupor.

Vivinna insisted, "That proves my point. That Maria creature sent your wife to find you, presuming you would learn of her deception. Yet she expected you to fight at her side for what motive?"

Jasper said, "She has always had a unique way of viewing the world. It would make perfect sense to Maria to claim she had no idea that I was the man Victoria sought all along. She would sound regretful and insist that the second she had suspected, she had sent her to find me." Which was absolutely incorrect. She sent armies of immortals out across the world to kill women who resembled my female relations as some sort of super secret code for Jasper to understand and return home. Upon further consideration, the Gorgon did have a point. It was an exceptionally poor method of sending an indirect message.

Jugurtha said, "If she knew what the Denalis and the females in this family looked like, then she knew where we were and never said a word.

"Yes, but if she had some sort of timeline and did not need Jasper until a particular date, then it makes sense for her to send her most troublesome troops on missions to keep them occupied," I responded.

Jugurtha reminded, "Ah, but she did not. She let mortals do most of the dirty work."

Marcus asked Arria, "Did any of Victoria's forces escape from the battle?"

Arria sighed in a, 'Yes, sir,' voice, "Not a single one."

"Maria had sent Victoria in a different group than Phoenix," I said. "They did not work together. And no one on Maria's side knew where Victoria was, as of a few days ago."

Father inquired, "How do you know that, Edward?"

"In Texas, I had a productive discussion with one of her lieutenants. He even gave me Victoria's cell phone number." I recited the digits.

Arria said, "We found no phone on her body."

"If we can find that phone we can locate Maria," Jasper declared. "They most likely presumed that," he paused over the name, "An--Victoria had gone to recruit more troops, which accounted for her silence. She could be out of touch for weeks without them raising an alarm."

"Jasper, I am sorry for your loss." Eleazar offered Arria a wintry glare as he addressed her, "Now that we know of Victoria's death and the battle, I still do not understand what happened with Bella. I have been at those cliffs. Are you telling me Bella survived a leap from that height?" Eleazar said in a way too mild tone. I knew from living with him that he implemented that tone typically immediately prior to dropping a rhetorical guillotine on an opponent.

"Yes."

"If she was under your care, why would Bella be in a position to do so?" The blade snapped loudly as it clanged.

"She jumped because she had no hope left." Skeevy interjected.

Mother asked him, "How do you know this?"

"We can occasionally communicate with each other in our family without speaking aloud. Connecting with Bella was challenging. I was running to meet her when I finally found a way to link minds. I heard Bella say she did not matter, and that Victoria wasted her time. That if she had, the Cullens would have returned months ago." My family collectively flinched. "I attempted to convince her otherwise to stall for time."

Jasper did not read dishonesty from him. This was confusing. Bella's mind was closed to everyone. How could Skeevy mentally communicate with her when I could not? Did I mention the injustice of this?

I said, "When I was in Texas I had a vision. I saw Bella's face as Victoria carved her shoulder. She bit through her lip. Blood rolled down her chin. The birds came awake. Bella was on the ground like a sprinter one moment, and then she threw herself off the cliff. She had a smile on her face."

Blocking her thoughts, Arria said, "That meant, Edward, that she expected to be able to use her gift."

Everyone stared at me, except the Gorgon and Marcus.

I ignored Arria. I most certainly did not plan on doing any kind of confessing with so many people present of anything. But they needed to know that Arria blathered hogwash. My dear little one's life lay in the balance and I'd happily surrender some of my pride to save her. The words I required would not leave me until I held onto Bella's hand. I required tangible proof that she existed as I clasped one of her hands in my own and rested it against my forehead. With shut eyes, I continued, "And then her face transformed and she went into the water and did not swim so much as a stroke to save herself."

No one said a word for over a minute.

"It was . . . the most heinous event I have ever witnessed," my voice wavered and I gulped. Those accursed human tears picked now to try to fall, but I managed to suppress them. There was no way in Hell I would weep before this audience. I cleared my throat and tugged at my collar. "I do not remember much after that, but bits and pieces until you all fed me."

Mercifully, my family had the presence of mind to block me from their perceptions as the significance of my words stabbed through Arria's lies. Marcus was considerate enough at a look from my Father, to do the same with his kin. At that moment, I required the mental silence like a human needed air. Marcus and Vivinna's suddenly too smooth features bothered their daughter.

"She was simply trying to escape through another route and miscalculated," Arria insisted. Sometimes when you tell a lie often enough you start to believe it. I should know.

The feel of Bella's cold hand against my forehead helped me continue, "Arria, did you know Bella has always been petrified of open water?"

"No one ever told me." That's because she never bothered to notice.

"She never in a million years would have considered jumping into the water there as a means of escape." Bella had never been a nail biter. Her fingers with ragged cuticles and jigsaw appearing nails in my hands said otherwise. I glanced up from my scrutiny of Bella's pale fingers to meet Arria's eyes, "She cannot swim a stroke."

"Seriously?" Emmett did the equivalent of vampire blanching.

I nodded.

Someone was living in a world of denial. I understood how difficult it was realizing it, having fought loving Bella and lost. I maintained my gaze with Arria, "From what I could see, she deliberately flung herself from the cliff and I sensed no power coming from her on the way down to the water. I have been reliving that vision endlessly. You have no idea how much I wish I was wr----."

Words scurried like shrieking banshees from my rotten mouth. I broke off, because I literally could not utter another syllable and maintain my equilibrium. I gazed upon my stoic bride, and reached out to caress her face. At the last second, my fingers stilled as I saw the red mark on her lip and remembered the blood I had seen coursing down it. My family started to wipe at tears that never fell as they struggled to maintain their composure. That whole blocking business halted. Father's eyes alone burned with anger as he moved them to the floor, his thoughts roared with it, but his demeanor to the others mimicked a serenity I knew he did not feel. What an actor. Eleazar and Carmen were almost as skilled. Rosalie saw no need to hide her emotions. Nor did Mary Alice.

Jugurtha said, "Arria knows exactly what happened. She's trying to protect her daughter. Suicide is a taboo in the immortal world. If word gets out that Bella attempted it, everyone will think the Telecles human line is weak beyond repair. That's why this conversation is being shielded so strongly by more than just you so no one else can hear." That was cold, and sounded completely accurate.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our dear little Grandmaster was not committing suicide. She was offering her life to God so that others could live. That makes her a martyr of charity like St. Maximilian Kolbe. And a superior tactician."

We both stared at him.

Starched Shirt Edward huffed at our blank stare, "He was a Catholic priest imprisoned in Auschwitz. Because someone escaped the camp, the guards chose two men to die in reprisal. Father Kolbe volunteered in place of a father of two who had originally been selected. He is the patron saint of drug addicts, journalists, political prisoners, and families." Wiping away a trail of tears, he silently cried as he said, "We should never have left her so that she had to make that choice. This is our cross to drag."

Jugurtha patted his arm, "There, there, my good fellow. We must stay calm in order to be strong for him and aid our precious mate. She requires your fortitude now more than ever."

Starched Shirt Edward pulled away from Jugurtha's grasp, straightened his shoulders, and quietly walked across the room to kneel on the prayer bench in front of the new icon of the Blessed Mother. He lowered his head to his hands and said, "I'm offering prayers to St. Maximilian in Bella's name, and Saint Jude for yours."

Arria's frosty tone pulled me back into the room, "Officially, Edward, she knows how to swim because you taught her. And if anyone hears of this incident, they will all understand how miraculous it is for a human to have such great abilities and will excuse her miscalculation. She'll be considered brave and heroic."

"_She jumped off that cliff because she thought she was sacrificing her life for the welfare of everyone. That IS brave and heroic."_ I fumed to her stubborn-as-a-billy-goat mind.

Arria hissed back, _"No one in the immortal world will understand. And they will tear her to pieces and mock her as a weakling. Is that what you want?"_

"_Will it stop them from lining up to pursue her?"_ I gestured in the direction of the throne room.

"_No, it will make her appear even more attractive because they'll conclude a weak mind can be easily controlled."_

Rosalie contemplated the floor, or should I say slamming Arria's face against it repeatedly, for a moment before giving Arria a scathing glance. She turned her attention to Bella. Mother held a trembling hand over her mouth and exhaled a breath she did not need before shaking her head to clear it, and adopting a fierce expression. Father took his mate's hand in his own for a brief squeeze. She acknowledged it, yet maintained her scrutiny of Bella. They both moved nearer to her.

Father touched her face tenderly, _"My poor child. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. And I am going to destroy anyone left alive who was responsible." _Everyone else stared at Arria as he thought to me, _"Edward, as much as I loathe admitting it, Arria is correct on how suicide is perceived in the immortal world. We will have to come up with some sort of believable story."_

That should not be too difficult. I'd been lying like a cheap rug for years.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, "How did Bella survive?" Father asked Arria as he moved from Bella to me. He patted my shoulder with his free hand.

Marcus sent to everyone Skeevy's vision.

With a scream that sounded awfully perturbed, Arria decapitated Victoria like child's play. She kicked the twitching corpse to the troops behind her, and threw down her sword. Without hesitation, Arria ran to the cliff and plunged through the sky after Bella. Skeevy and four immortals jumped a second later from the cliff into the ocean. They quickly separated to search the water, legs churning.

His immortal eyes could only penetrate so far of the oceans' dark waters. Skeevy shouted underwater, "Her heart, I can't hear," and dove again in a different direction. On a rock five hundred yards from shore, Seth and a bleeding Jacob Black hauled a blue-faced Bella out of the water. I know it was inappropriate and all, but I hoped Jacob would become a snack. He was fresh meat, after all. It wasn't too much to ask Fate to do me a teensy favor now and then? Okay fine. It was. But still.

Seth and Jacob's torn winter clothes weighed them down as they both started mouth to mouth resuscitation with Jacob performing compressions. He must have munched bottles of anabolic steroids since we last talked because he had hit a monstrous growth spurt. I barely recognized him under that far too tight sweatshirt. Now I knew why Bella's ribs were broken. Bumbling Bastard. I would have to address that. At length. With another gentlemanly chat.

From Skeevy's panicked vision we saw how Arria and the others raced at vampire speed towards the huddled group listening for a heartbeat, hearing nothing. Seth threw his head back, screamed, grabbed for his sister, placed his head on her legs, crying, and blossomed green and white flames from his form.

Furiously working to save Bella, Jacob was not even aware of Seth's little power problem and said, "Zip it Seth. Don't give up."

Seth chanted a litany in Quileute, "Please, I will give you whatever you want. Please save my sister. Swan should not have to die for our failure to protect the tribe. I will give my life for hers. I'll do whatever you want. Please give her back. We all have suffered like never before. I can't lose her. Please I am begging you for a sign."

Jacob swore at him, and started breathing into Bella's mouth. I almost had heart failure at the sight of his lips on my beloved. In between gasps, Jacob said, "God helps those who help themselves." He went back to trying to resuscitate Bella. When did he find religion? And did he have to drool that much on her? Ew.

Jugurtha said, "We frightened religion into him. Remember?" Oh. Right. That.

I could see the power rushing through Seth as Bella's body began to glow white – so white, in fact, everyone immortal had to close their eyes even those watching the vision. When we could see, Jacob was literally pushed off of her. Trumpeting a clarion battle cry, out of the water emerged a gigantic bird of prey, showering everyone with drops of water that burned. In contrast to this leviathan, Grace appeared like a miniature manta ray. Might I add the menace radiating from the bird was palpable.

I heard the words,_ "Sweet girl," _snarled in my mind. Then I realized by the distinctive luminescence around the beast, that it _was_ Grace in a different form. More of the stored memories from the tribe unraveled in that moment.

Eleazar said, "What in the name of the gods is that?"

"Thunderbird. She protects the tribe in times of great need. You know her as Grace." The family stared at me so I affected a nonchalant manner as we watched the vision unfold.

Starched Shirt Edward wrung his hands from the prayer bench, "Dear God, what are they doing to her?"

Jugurtha's smooth voice soothed, "That is Grace, our friend, helping Bella. Historically, the Thunderbird came in a great time of need for the tribe. It is doing it again. And Seth had to have tremendous power to summon her. Because Grace is linked to us."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "But Grace loves Bella, too. Where were the gyrfalcons when she jumped? And where was Grace?"

Eleazar asked, "I do not speak Quileute. Did Seth summon her?"

I whispered to the others in the room. "No. I remember begging Grace to save Bella."

Arria decided to distract us by continuing with the vision, and showed how Grace had Seth lift up Bella's clothing to reveal her waist. She nudged Seth aside and raked a claw across Bella's body. That had to hurt, and Bella made no move. Grace drew blood with a long scratch but seemed to be putting something inside of Bella.

Jacob crawled out of the ocean he'd been flung into and bellowed, "What the Hell are you doing, Seth?" Gee, I don't know. Allowing his sister to be possessed by ancient Quileute spirits? Who'd have thought?

"Saving my sister. Get back." Jacob did not listen, as all stupid male members, and almost memberless males of his family are known to do. Grace smacked him back into the water, drawing more blood from the wound on his shoulder. Too bad none of the immortals liked the scent of his blood. Nor, alas, were there any sharks within calling distance. Arria said so. Apparently, she wouldn't have minded had Jacob vanished, either.

Skeevy, open hands extended, said in halting accented English, "I am here to help for her. Could you please stop the bleeding?"

Jacob scoffed and said, "Asshole. Your friends just tried to kill our entire tribe. If you think I'm letting you have her…" He started shaking with rage. Grace touched him with a claw and a snarl and wide-eyed Jacob had the good sense to be silent. Grace's huge talon definitely was an attention getter for even the most oblivious.

Arria and several others had reached the rock as well. The bird and Seth and a cowed Jacob blinked at Skeevy. Grace tilted her head after studying them, offering permission.

Arria and her brother placed their hands over Seth's and the medallion that was still in Bella's pants pocket flared to life. Arria retrieved it. Crouched at Bella's head, Skeevy took the necklace and slipped it around Bella's throat. He emitted waves of some kind of red fire the entire time. He cradled Bella's head in his hands, whispering in Etruscan, "We have waited all this time for you. Bella, return. You are not alone."

His sister burned a vivid hue as she radiated power, and concentrated on the necklace. Arria lowered her forehead against Bella's and whispered in Oscan as she rubbed her temples gently, "Child, come home to me."

A second later, my beloved returned gasping and choking to life. Both hands clutched her bleeding stomach, and her eyes burned with white flames. Appropriately, she spit in her mother's face.

That's my Bella.

I was not about to tell Arria that was a natural side effect of that drowning business. Both Emmett and Rosalie mentally cheered. Mother, too. At the Bella coming back to life part. The spitting, too. Jasper kept a straight face by thinking of . . . oh merciful heavens I really did not want that image of what he did to the Romanian prisoner in my mind.

Seth shouted, "She's back!" And did a fist pump. That glowed green. And looked awfully impressive. He high-fived a jubilant appearing Skeevy, who seemed confused by all that hand clapping business, but looked too happy to be picky.

Grace cleared her throat as if to say, _"Get back to work."_

With Seth, Arria, and Skeevy's help, Grace activated the pendant and partially healed the wound before the necklace winked out like an incipient idea in Jessica Stanley's mind. Startled in fury, the bird turned as a group of Victoria's men reached the beach and leapt into the water. The ones behind them had arrows. Big ones. Not that they would have worked on Grace.

Seth yelled to Grace in Quileute, "Please, take Bella to safety."

Marcus had a significant rival in velocity. So fast my eyes could barely capture it, Grace snatched a yelping Jacob in one claw and Bella in the other, belched a wave of thick goo at the first row of immortals that were preparing to shoot into the water, and flew away. Grace left behind her screaming slime-covered soldiers writhing like worms on hot coals on the ground. I could not help but wonder what the mortal Black boy was doing among the immortals.

The vision Telecles clan yelped as Grace flew away.

Seth consoled Arria, "She'll be fine."

Arria gave him a withering glance that eloquently conveyed, _'You better hope so, mortal,' _better than mere words alone. She said to Skeevy, "Cale, we need to find and kill their seer."

"Hiya, I'm Seth. So nice to meet you Cale. You'll need me to find the vampire with the power," he ignored Arria's deplorable manners. Gracious, he sounded awfully confident despite that whole red-rimmed eyes from crying earlier business. Seth phased as Skeevy, Arria, and the others dove for shore.

Father asked, "How did you encounter Bella again?"

"Seth led us to a place the Quileutes had used decades ago for religious ceremonies." Arria showed Hezekiah's cave and the most unwelcome sight of a Jacob Black rocking a blanketed Bella in his arms and chanting, "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner. Please wake up. Please don't die. Charlie would kill me. C'mon Bella, say something." He shook her a time or five. That represented crime three in my list, after the broken ribs and drool dealio. Hadn't he ever heard of shaken baby syndrome? He could have hurt her poor brain. Or her neck. She could go blind.

That soon-to-have-a-really-good-reason-to-be-terrified boy appeared furious for a second until he saw Seth, who said, "It's okay." He lifted Bella from Jacob's skunky smelling arms, and they walked out into the pounding sleet.

This had to be created to entertain us. "But I sealed that cave shut with rocks no human could use."

Askance, she stared at me with a haughty expression. I was missing something. Arria said, "I'm sure Grace moved it. We found him holding her, trying to keep her warm with his body, which is the only other reason she's alive."

"What do you mean?"

"Jacob is a wolf."

Oh my Lord. By Saint Lawrence's fire.

Starched Shirt Edward stage-whispered to Jugurtha, "He just called upon a saint."

"So?" Jugurtha channeled Marcus perfectly.

"Not just any saint." Starched Shirt Edward all but danced from foot to foot.

"Let us hear it then." Jugurtha beckoned Starch Shirt Edward closer with his palm.

"The pagan Prefect of Rome was angry because he could not steal from the Church. So he decided to make an example of Saint Lawrence. He had him slowly roasted to death on a grill. Saint Lawrence told his executioners they needed to turn him over that he wasn't done yet."

Ew. "Make a note to tell that story to Jasper," I said to Jugurtha, who scribbled it in my planner with a nod. "Now if you don't mind, I need to return to my duty of having a fit of choler. I've earned the right."

Shutting out the vision, I turned my head to the side and asked Arria, "Who made_ him_ a wolf?" I could not keep the edge from my voice. In that moment, the fact that he quite possibly had saved her life was irrelevant. The second I saw the moron, I was yanking that wolf status. I saw his beady little eyes and drooling rapscallion rubbery lips in my mind, as I heard her ribs crack beneath his hands. He'd make an ugly wolf, anyway. And a stupid one, too. And if Victoria's troops had attacked, factoring in his stupidity, how was he still alive? That merited further consideration. Jacob Black was the cockroach of my life.

"I assume Paula did. She turned over half the tribe," Arria used a mild tone. Like I was going to swallow that ploy. I don't think so.

The Quileute knowledge came rushing to my mind. Something catastrophic had to have happened to make the women in the tribe feel frightened, and Paula as well, because the wolf gene had been triggered by Paula the shaman since I do not remember having any Quileute wolf-turning ceremonies on my own during the past few months. And that must have indeed been something terrible because Paula Black did not scare easily. And she must have been desperate in order to be able to turn all those people. After she had given her word, if she had turned Jacob, I expected the apocalypse to be approaching. That had to be the sixth sign.

"Rosalie," I held out my hand, "May I please borrow your cell phone to call Paula Black?"

"You cannot," Arria said.

"Excuse me?" This was no time to be petty. I smelled a rat or five.

Starched Shirt Edward advised, "Watch her eyes. She knows something."

With something almost resembling pity on her face, Arria said to me as if I were a child, "Edward, you cannot call her because she is dead. Bella and Charles Swan found her blood-soaked house two weeks after you left. That was also the night Genghis went missing."

"What about Paula's body?"

"Whoever attacked her most likely bled her to death and then disposed of her." She sent Marcus mental pictures that he showed us all. Paula's once beige living room had lost every piece of furniture and was bathed in scentless gore. From what I could tell, Paula had put up one hell of a fight.

"Bella saw that?" Emmett almost bellowed. Rosalie shushed him, "You'll wake up the twins." Since I had used my gift to send them to sleep that was not likely, but I appreciated the sentiment.

Arria said, "Yes. They were on their way to take Paula to dine. Charles Swan had to be driven home by Bella, after he called for more mortals to come." My poor little bottle cap. Arria made it known by her tone what she thought of a sheriff who had to be driven home by his traumatized daughter.

Marcus showed us an image of Bella leading Chief Swan by the hand to the cruiser. She opened the door, and waited for him to sit. When he stared glassy-eyed from the passenger seat, Bella leaned over and reached across him. With slightly shaking hands she fastened the seat belt for her Father. As she pulled back he grabbed her wrist. "Bells. . . . I love you, kid." Then he broke down, cradled his head in his palms and wept. She patted his cheek and said, "Right back atcha, Dad," and walked around the hood of the car to sit in the driver's seat. It took her a few moments to adjust the seat height and the mirrors for her short height. She even knew how to turn off the flashing lights.

I saw her make eye contact using the rear view mirror with her guards. The boorish one waved at her as if to say, "Go, we'll follow." Bella drove off into the night, a sobbing Charlie sitting by her side.

Oh. This was bad. This was very bad. Paula was the brains of the tribe. Why didn't the spirits warn me? I was going to go to her house and find out who did this and by the time I finished with them, Jasper would look restrained.

But the tribe had John as alpha.

"Is John Quill still alive?" It impressed me that I remained composed.

"Yes." I could tell by her voice she did not want to discuss the tribe.

"I—"

Jasper interrupted my next question and said to Marcus, "Pardon me, Edward. We and Arria have a treaty with Quileute shapeshifters in the area. Edward's power is directly linked to them. We are obligated to send troops to the Forks area _now_ in order to be in compliance."

With a voice like fall's first frost he said to his daughter, "Why did your coven not address this?" Marcus' words made the entire room stop.

Arria sounded like a teenager caught sneaking in the window, "Edward cut off the food supply to covens in a two-thousand mile area to force us to re-negotiate a treaty about Bella. Several covens declared war, and I had to divide troops to re-establish control. The ones I left behind failed to apprise me of how serious the problem."

"And why was that?" Vivinna asked.

"Because they believed they could handle it. And they did not know about the specifics of the new treaty so did not think to defend the reservation unless I directly ordered it. I can't order something I don't know is happening." Arria's voice sounded defiant.

Marcus remained silent for six interminable seconds, "Arria, let this be a lesson in leadership. We will discuss the particulars at a different time. Bravo Edward." He asked Cale, "How bad is the damage?"

"To what?" Cale answered.

"To our allies, the shapeshifters', army?" Cale blinked at his sire. His silence indicated that no one had informed _him _of the treaty. Marcus turned his ruthless gaze to his daughter.

"I still do not have all the information," she hedged, "I went straight from Idaho to Forks to aid Bella and then came here. We killed all the troops we could find. But I expect more are on their way."

Jasper predicted, "The Volturi feast lasts ten days in November, so I imagine that Maria has timed her attacks to coincide with the most powerful immortals being on their way here."

I hid the gulp I made. I had been gone from Forks that long?

Marcus called out, "Tiberius!"

A legionnaire entered the room, a centurion by his attire. "Yes, legate?" He had a voice that rumbled through the room it was so deep.

"Take ten thousand troops that Cale selects with you and eight centuries of legionnaires." Then Marcus had some kind of conversation mentally with Tiberius, I assume, giving him orders. Tiberius saluted and left.

Marcus called for Demetri to enter the chamber. "Go with them do your best to hunt for any enemies. Assess the financial damage that has been done to the Qui-leu-tes," he stretched the syllables out testing the word, "so that we may know how best to aid them."

"Yes, sir." Demetri hustled out the hall after Tiberius, excited to be out in the field on what he considered to be a "real" hunt.

Four of Arria's men went with him at her nod and she said, "I'll send two thousand as well. They know the area."

Marcus said, "Think of the particular soldiers you plan on sending." She shut her eyes and he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. After silence of a minute he said, "I appreciate your position in the treaty. Your troops now have their orders and are informed of the conditions of our obligations. We were not there when our allies needed us so we must do our best to redress their grievances and aid them to recover."

I extended my senses to the surface and watched in morbid fascination as thousands of soldiers crowded into a circle and simply vanished. I had thought when I had left that the tribe was in good hands. I had convinced myself that I had done as much as I could with Paula Black to prepare her, and that the Quileute knowledge would unravel on its own.

It is one thing to leave and crush someone's heart with hobnailed boots in the process because I lost my newborn temper and veered from a planned script with acidic verbal blows. It's entirely another, when you leave and not only put that heart you belatedly cherish at risk, but all the people that you care for as well. In my misplaced nobility, I had utterly failed on every level.

Jasper said, "Edward, would you like me to help you remain calm?" I could not believe after hearing the news of his first wife's death, he worried for my emotional well-being. And I could not have my suffering dulled because I needed to hang onto these feelings. I deserved them.

Jugurtha advised, "You need to do a better job at shielding Jasper, but not too good of one to arouse suspicion that you could block him." Right.

"No, thank you, Jasper. I deserve to feel this way."

Genevieve's prognostication that I would reap what I had sown bitterly crouched on my shoulder, a hobgoblin digging in its claws. I could not help wondering what else lay in store. I extended my senses once again to the surface above the Volturi's lair to see the area teeming with armed-to-the-fangs soldiers. The full orb in the dark sky meant it had to be around the twenty-first of November, also called the Frosty Moon. If ever a word described my life at present, "frosty" seemed appropriate.

As I gazed upon my beloved, I said to her mind while stroking her damp hair, _"I may not show it now, Bella, but I am stronger than you know."_

_

* * *

  
_

**Snarky Summary:**

**When Bella is getting naked, I mean a bath, Arria picks now of all times to get all parental. As if. Wench. She totally CockNekkidMateBlocked Edward. He merely wanted to supervise her care. He's a doctor. Twice. Being repulsively unprofessional. Seriously. Rosalie and Carlisle explained Bella's peculiar behavior as being pretty much all Arria's fault. Which definitely means she's Bella's Mother. Everything is always your parents' fault, right? Thought so. Bella, so says Young to Me Old Power, has acquired some interesting abilities since Edward dumped her. Go Bella! Like teleportation and speed. As if. Main Edward knows that donkey dust cannot be true. Does Arria have real estate holdings in Brooklyn as well she wants him to peruse? Hmmmm? He left his dear little bottle cap under her protection and is horrified to see that she might even have to have her hair amputated due to Arria's carelessness. Say it isn't so! Not the hair! The horror!!!**

**Arria sends a few fascinating visions about things that happened to Bella while the Cullens were out of town. Girl most definitely knows how to get herself in trouble with immortals and her Dad. Arria that is. She appears to have passed that tendency down to her daughter. At least the getting into trouble with immortals part. Skeevy also spins a fascinating tale. **

**Starched Shirt Edward would like you to know that Saint Jude is the patron saint of lost causes and Saint Lawrence is the patron saint of librarians. Main Edward plans on praying loudly to Saint Lawrence when Starched Shirt Edward is reading. In pig-Latin. They both agree that they will pray for Paula. **

**Marcus gives his mate a little bling-bling. A thousand years late. But still. **

**Arria informed Jasper he's now allowed to wear black for more than fashion statements. She refrained from telling him it would be tacky to get married to Alice ****for real**** this time so soon after the passing of his legal spouse. Arria's totally got his back on that score. Instead, s****he offers gracious congratulations to Jasper on him no longer being a bigamist. Edward and the Cullens receive some unexpected news about Forks. Marcus proves he's the postal service of warfare. Only one that really works. For free. Although it would be safe to say that Marcus is about ready in the next chapter to "go postal" on Romania. Then Forks. Go Marcus!!!**

**Stay tuned for our next episode of "As the Warriors Return"**

I thought the Sounds of Silence captured the tone of this whole chapter. If you watch this clip, the explanation of the song really does capture some of Edward's mood.

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=eZGWQauQOAQ

**References:**

Winston Churchill coined the term Iron Curtain to describe the area of Berlin controlled by the Soviet Union:

http://www (dot) fordham (dot) edu/halsall/mod/churchill-iron (dot) html

and here is a broad overview from the BBC

http://www (dot) bbc (dot) co (dot) uk/history/worldwars/wwtwo/legacy_01 (dot) shtml

For more on Lot's Wife this website is highly entertaining:

http://www (dot) bible-topten (dot) com/bad_women (dot) htm#LOT%27S%20WIFE

For more on the Ark of the Covenant:

http://www (dot) newadvent (dot) org/cathen/01721a (dot) htm

and this article From the Smithsonian is excellent:

http://www (dot) smithsonianmag (dot) com/people-places/ark-covenant-200712 (dot) html

The issue of suicide in this story is not one that I take lightly as an author. Each year one million people globally commit suicide. Ten to twenty million attempt it. In the United States, thirty thousand people die at their own hand every year.

It went up 24% from 2005 to 2007 in Veterans aged 18-29 years.

http://www (dot) cbsnews (dot) com/stories/2010/01/11/national/main6083072 (dot) shtml

I think it is important to know the warning signs to help not only ourselves but our loved ones and friends.

I did not make up the legend of the Quileute thunder bird. I did modify it for this story.

http://www (dot) quileutelegend (dot) com/chimakoan-tribe/quileute-legend-of-the-thunderbird (dot) html

The statue symbolizing justice has roots in many cultures:

http://www (dot) commonlaw (dot) com/Justice (dot) html

Shaken Baby Syndrome – you should know the 411 on it:

http://www (dot) mayoclinic (dot) com/health/shaken-baby-syndrome/DS01157

Saint Maximilian Kolbe's story is touching:

http://www (dot) catholic (dot) org/saints/saint (dot) php?saint_id=370

http://www (dot) jewishvirtuallibrary (dot) org/jsource/biography/Kolbe (dot) html

St. Lawrence is the patron saint of burn victims due to that whole gruesome death business.

http://www (dot) newadvent (dot) org/cathen/09089a (dot) htm

Methinks Marcus does channel St. Lawrence. Seriously. The guy was an audacious spiritual bad-ass:

http://www (dot) catholic (dot) org/saints/saint (dot) php?saint_id=366

Each full moon of the month has its own name. Who knew?

http://www (dot) space (dot) com/spacewatch/full-moon-names-2010-100127 (dot) html

**Marcus is blinking at you. If you review, he might release Starched Shirt Edward and Douglas. **


	53. HOD pt 42 Parenting Telecles Style

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this. But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. **

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers and Jackie Jones for beta-ing above and beyond the call of duty. **

**Many thanks to all for reading!**

**Shout outs to my muses: DawnStimson, CindyWindy, Fitten, lovelifeX2, Codelina, dellatwi, Lady Dragona, Mizra, PJ Austin, jmolly, prettyflour, favludo, avidreader69, Purple Mad Dragon, superstarrh, Viridis, Cullen Pearl, Nyaris, WTVOC, oxymoronic8, GinnyW, Angelbach, Treya, Forest Sentry Koneji, blue2185, emmettballeermine4evr, Robs_Muse, Cullen Concession, twifam1, nanny_t, pomme_de_terre, elphabacy35, notmyself, sexysadie13, Kaydence, summerc79, MsLessa, dh_director, JaJiTaXx, Mav, Rogue, fanficreader83, pclo, TraceyJ, Rgwnmks, jenejes, anniebme, June, Fleuritup, truefan, and Merrisol.**

**If you like snark, feel free to follow me on Twitter at Bookishqua**

* * *

**Songs for this section are:**

Oh La'mour – Erasure

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=cuRzq-oeiDE&feature=related

At Seventeen – Janis Ian

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=efHOIT1ROk8

Love Will Keep Us Alive – The Eagles

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=jqTLlHkfSC4

**Many thanks as well to Mizra, who worked her tail feathers off making family trees in order to help all readers at this point of the story have a visual way of keeping track of who is related to whom. I can't even begin to tell you all how much that means to me. I will include this link in future chapters so people don't have to hunt for it if a question arises. **

**http://www (dot) mizradesign (dot) com/manips/CC/familyhistories (dot) html**

**Snarky Summary: **

**Things you need to know from past chapters that might aid you in understanding this one. When a man has a special love for a women. Kidding. Carlisle told the family of a visit by a Lost Coven vampire named Eve who was ill – almost dying from an illness. He cured her and sent her home with doses for twenty people and directions on how to make more. That was how he first came into contact with the Fake Canadians. And when times became tough (How Bout Dem Apples) and Carlisle asked for help, the Fake Canadians were rather stingy with information. Paula made a vow with Edward that she would never transform Jacob into a wolf seeing as she realized he was not the sharpest tool in the shed. Since she helped castrate her own brother, Edward took her at her word. In the Fine. I Love Bella Swan…chapter Edward had a vision – several actually – but one with his Mother where she showed him Bella, told him that she was the woman he would love, and then like a typical woman, gave him his human memories back at an inconvenient time. **

**Carlisle told Marcus that a group of disgruntled Romanians claimed to hold hostage one of his sons. Jugurtha offered a history lesson telling of how four of Marcus' sons had been slain at once and their heads sent to him in a basket. He'd also lost three legions. And we saw in a vision how Marcus' pregnant-at-the-time-with-Skeevy wife was attacked and rescued by her brother Aranthur. **

**Edward and Arria rescued Benedict O'Farrell, the immortal who bit Alice with that whole forgetful talent, and his wife and three adult pig-headed children from Caius' clutches, and Marcus' soldiers were leading them to the suite. Edward, aided by everyone in the Telecles clan with power, put shields around the room so nosy immortals could not hear a word. His family is aghast at his and Bella's condition – particularly their behavior. Did I mention Edward has a headache?**

**Pfft, not much happened in the last chapter. We just learned about a possible reason why Bella is catatonic, oh, and that she could wake up tomorrow or be that way the rest of her life. No big deal. We also learned a bit more about the relationship between Arria and Bella – Arria cares more about Bella than she lets on, that frigid faker – I mean she gave up ****battle**** to jump after her kid that she never speaks to. What other parent from the Telecles clan can say they've made the same sacrifice? Huh? Aside from Marcus who sat for 1,000 years to get his legions of doom back. But still. Bella gained some odd abilities when she wore that bracelet that Edward retrieved with her from the bank – like speed and a wee bit of grace. Marcus fixed that, of course by filching it from her. Maybe. We got to see Victoria, who gave entirely new meaning to the phrase 'crazy-ex-girl….no wife'….no, oh Hell - Crazy-abandoned-legal-oh-no-you-don't-you're-still-my-spouse, go off to the vampire great beyond after Arria bit her head off and gave leftovers to her troops. In the hilarious words of Kaydence, "Also, for the record, Arria deserves a strong talking to by dear old I could kick everyone's ass because I'm full of unparalleled awesomeness and mind fuckery tricks, at best." What she said. Summerc79 wrote, "Arria, the way she goes on you'd think she was born out of Jupiter's thigh. She needs Daddy M (not Boney, huh, though maybe he can turn out to be daddy Cool - somehow...) to steer her back on the right path." What she said, too. **

**And we found out how Bella, the girl who can barely walk without tripping, and can't swim a single stroke, managed to survive that whole cliff plunging episode. This is the part where I remind you that there is ****no**** love triangle between Jacob, Edward and Bella. Bella would happily become a hermaphrodite before dating either clueless jerk right now. Edward and the Cullens got a lesson in the cultural attitudes toward suicide by the immortal community, so the story of Bella's leap will have to be re-framed. **

**The chapter also stood out by what did ****not**** happen. Over 100,000 of the Lost Covens are lurking outside the Volturi crib and have yet to run in there and start swinging their blades. The other ones. Aro and Caius are most definitely aware that they've just had a major power shift and instead of running into Marcus' chamber and trying to negotiate, both are downstairs chilling in the throne room. Okay, fine, Caius has a justifiably irate mate on his hands due to that whole fantasizing about Vivinna and mentally whining that his wife was turned too old, and Aro just found out his daughter Eve lived through the ambush but died recently. So both are bummed. But still. Can't evil overlords snap back from devastating personal trauma? This violates the rules somewhere. The Cullens take advantage of Marcus' high standards in battle planning to rake Arria over the coals. Expect more of that. They haven't even started with her, nor have they hit the part where they tell her that they are 'disappointed' in her performance. Edward learned that Bella had some rated UE – as in Un-Edward approved experiences, like when she discovered the blood-splattered house of Paula Black. Edward also found out that Jacob was turned into a wolf and he is all kinds of unhappy about that. Edward is most displeased, ranting that the world is not exactly overrun with justice. But with a furrowed brow, he vows that he'll soon fix that. *sighs* Men. Morons. With those words, he just tempted Fate to bitch-slap him. As our chapter starts, the Telecles Clan and the Cullens are standing across from one another in a room that is shielded from prying ears and minds. Benedict O'Farrell and his family have been cooling their heels in the hallway. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Forty Two – Parenting Telecles Style Appears to be a Contact Sport**

Marcus steered the conversation back to a topic dear to my heart, "I believe we were discussing Bella's welfare. Arria, how will you use this experience to be a better leader?"

"I failed to delegate to my lieutenants, which put everyone at risk. That was my fault." Those last words seemed dragged from Arria by herds of wild horses.

"Possibly. Your biggest flaw from the little I know is that you failed to communicate effectively with your subordinates." I almost felt sorry for Arria. It's not like she had Marcus' 'I can be in a bazillion minds at once issuing orders' talent. She was only imhuman like me. Then Bella coughed and I fought the blast of rage that wanted to erupt and target Arria. Everyone saw Bella had flecks of blood on her lower face and throat. Mother handed me a wet cloth and I brushed it against her skin tenderly, I think.

Mary Alice pointed her index finger at Bella and me. "I'm sorry. You two are discussing battle strategy? Now? Look at Bella. Arria, she was left in your care. So how do you explain her weight and her heart? This is your idea of _parenting_? You left her for Victoria to die! Last time I checked we weren't related to the De' Medici family," Mary Alice pressed. Then she paused. "Grandpa Marcus, we aren't related to them are we?"

Marcus cracked an almost smile and said, "No, we most definitely are not."

Arria's face fell at vampire speed seeing his illusory happiness before hers blossomed into a waxen composed mask.

"The De' Medicis were amateurs," Vivinna sniffed, "And the same could be said of you," she stared at Mother and Father. Lovely. She denied being related to the De' Medici's, not because of who they were, but because they failed her lofty standard of intelligence. So to deflect an attack she goes on the offensive. Predictable. And as for that abandoning business. . .

Starched Shirt Edward softly reminded me, "Our immortal family fought for their lives in Alaska, but so, too did Vivinna in Washington from a dispute that we caused."

Mary Alice did not like whatever she saw that was about to emerge from our Mother's mouth. Cutting Mother off, she blurted, "I left Bella a letter. Why did she not receive it?"

"I know of no such letter. Had you given it to me, I would have ensured she had it." Arria studied a dagger she twirled in her hand.

Jasper said, "I believe she speaks the truth."

Scorn dripped from her words, "Thank you ever so much."

"We never would have abandoned her." Esme said, "Did you not reassure her?"

"Why would I do that?" Arria seemed sincerely bemused.

"Because that's what a mother does when her child is afraid, Arria," Mother said, clearly holding on to her patience by determination. Both the Gorgon and Young to Me Old Power acted like they had failed to receive that Motherly Behavior newsflash.

Arria blinked benignantly at the family. "I refused to lie to her, Esme. And I had no idea what kept you, or if you even lived. I did send five teams after you." From Jasper's reckonings, her aid is what permitted them to survive, not that he was going to admit it at the moment.

Rosalie picked up where Mary Alice left off, "I hardly see where you get the moral high ground. After an ordeal like _that_, you dragged Bella here and forced her to witness a feeding for what reason?"

Piously, Arria replied, "I could not very well leave her alone after she had escaped her guard. This mission has been planned for quite some time. She was safest around me."

Oh, fine, so she dragged her from a suicidal jump and vicious attack by a raving lunatic, to raise her from the dead to attend a mass slaughter of humans and a way-too-high-in-the-instep-immortal revolt. What a fun Mother-Daughter bonding experience! I waited with bated breath to see what she dreamt up for a Christmas gift. Or Bella's birthday! Seeing as she had not done so in eighteen years, I did not see her beginning the practice now. But still. Like a talisman, I touched the pearls in my pocket, and dared hope for the future.

Starched Shirt Edward qualified, "She did leave our dear little bottle cap costly jewelry." True. But the cold embrace of silver and gold on the skin served as a poor substitute for a Mother's love. I should know. I had two excellent examples burning my fingertips in remembrance.

"My dear," Mother said to Arria, "you clearly know nothing about raising a child. Bella said in that vision we saw that she believed she did not matter to us. Clearly, you knew that was not the case."

"No, I did not." Arria raised a brow. "You were in her life for only a few months, and vanished as quickly as you appeared."

Both my sisters reared back like electrified eels at that blast. Oh, that was most definitely not going to be repeated by me, what spewed from Rosalie's fertile mind. I had no idea she even understood such vulgar language. I wasn't even sure what she meant, for the record. Which disturbed me. It wasn't like I could turn and ask Emmett or Jasper at the moment. Both my sisters metaphorically rolled up their sleeves and entered the fray.

"So you stayed away and let the Swans raise her for what reason? Let me see, she was brain-damaged and no longer of any use to you." Mary Alice snapped.

"That's not true," Arria huffed.

"Last time I checked, her ovaries still functioned," my not so angelic-acting sibling noted; and that observation went off like a misfired canon in church. "You were going to keep her human and force her to_ breed_," Rosalie spat that word, "with someone you selected, weren't you? That's why you had her watch the feeding. You needed her to be so repulsed she would want to stay human. That's why you insisted she not be turned until she was eighteen. You were stalling for time."

"I would never have _forced_ her," Arria protested.

Rosalie snarled, "No, if she didn't agree, you would have simply knocked her out and ripped her ovaries from her."

"That is distasteful," Arria spat. What an understatement.

"The truth usually is." Rosalie leaned forward as she spoke sweetly. "So tell me, did you let enemy vampires frolic through the reservation in order to repulse Bella even further?"

Young To Me Old Power, nostrils flaring, shoulders thrown back, sneer fixed firmly in place, appeared like no one in her life had ever talked to her so disrespectfully, which probably was the case. "You do not know whom you are talking to." She actually conveyed impressive menace at that moment. Her stillness, as well as that of the blade in her agile hands, and manner that she could explode into action at any second only contributed to that aura.

"Hmmm, let's see," Rosalie recited in a sing-song voice, "Arria, daughter of Marcus and Vivinna," she pointed to those two, "sister to Cale," her index finger moved like a compass to his form, "half-neice of Aro," she pointed over her shoulder towards the throne room. "I think I have my blood ties correct. And I know _exactly_ who I'm talking to. You just took the gold crown in the heartless category, sweetheart." Rosalie moved her head like a machine gun at the entire Telecles and Fake Canadian clan, "Let me make this clear to all of you. Bella was officially claimed as part of this family while you sat back and did nothing and watched her suffer." She shook a fist at the Sludge Suckers. "So legally, regardless of blood ties, she is now my sister. And there is no way in Hell I will let you harm her."

Arria stipulated, "She is of _my_ line," like that explained and excused everything.

Some women became more beautiful when angry. Rosalie was not one of them. I worried that if my family pushed Arria too hard, she might say something about my questionable past behavior. Like the truth, heavens to Betsy. At some point, I might have to actually open my mouth and defend the woman to save my hide.

Jugurtha said, "She is Marcus' daughter. The Gorgon's, as well. Arria can take care of herself, and she would not appreciate your sentiments that she required defending from us. Watch and wait."

Rosalie's deceptively sweet voice inquired, "So tell me, did you start paying attention to her welfare only _after_ your male heir died?"

We simply gawped at the two verbal combatants like a tennis match between children that had suddenly turned lethal.

Jugurtha breathed in the throes of idolization as he slapped shut my planner and moved the glasses on his nose. He peered academically at the skirmish, "Rosalie takes no prisoners. And she's probably correct. Arria would never put her eggs in one basket."

"Our dear little one possessed a sibling? And Rosalie is taunting the mother over his untimely departure from this realm?" Starched Shirt Edward was aghast.

Jugurtha reminded him, "This is the same mother that forced our dear little one to watch the feeding so she could terrify her into staying human, remember?"

Starched Shirt Edward crossed his arms, "I agree that what Arria did was wrong. Yet, I cannot mock the death of our dear little one's brother. And we have made mistakes, too. Arria does not seem like a person who has seen much of God's love."

That's because she didn't believe in Him. She prayed to the gods instead. I wasn't going to point that out and horrify Starched Shirt Edward by informing him that our mate's mother was a pagan.

Arria actually growled. She said not a word, and merely narrowed her eyes. Marcus held up a palm and she ceased.

We gaped gobsmacked as the silence framed Arria's lengthened inarticulateness, Marcus quietly commanded his daughter, "Answer her."

Bitterly, Arria insisted, "My son was better suited for leadership because he was a strong male. I have no children left but Bella."

How could she throw away one child and cherish the other?

I asked, "Was he a twin to Bella?"

"No. He was born twenty years earlier."

"How? In vitro fertilization wasn't even discovered until 1978," Rosalie scoffed.

"The research supporting it dates back to the 1890's," Father said, "And there was significant progress in 1959. Genevieve O'Shea Swan most definitely could have pioneered the procedure and kept her discovery to herself."

Jugurtha advised, "Can you imagine how awful Bella would have turned out being raised by Arria? As much as I loathe admitting it, Bella was better off away from her as a child. Genevieve, Jericho, and Liam did a better job."

"How did he pass from this world?" Marcus asked what we all burned to know about this mysterious-departed-from-this-Earth heir.

Arria stared at the ground seething, before meeting her parents' impassive faces. "A plague swept through the coven and felled us like leaves in autumn."

"How severe?"

"A third of the coven died. I sent Eve to Carlisle for help so I could attend my son. She fell ill, too. By the time she returned with the cure, he had died."

Vivinna said, "I am sorry to hear of this." Wait. She was acting almost human? Maybe that was a comment on the whole plague hitting the tribe, too business. She seemed the type who would be devastated by that every bit as much.

"He was a good child. I named him Marcus after you," Arria told her Father. She could have been discussing the damage to winter wheat from a recent hailstorm from the emotion she invested into it. She sounded irritated, not devastated. I did give her points for ingratiation with the "I named your dead grandchild after you," plea.

In isolating her coven from modernity, she had condemned her eldest child. And the one child she had carelessly thrown into the caprice of the human world, she had wounded as well.

"Why does Bella not have any other siblings?" Marcus asked mildly.

Starched Shirt Edward blanched, "Why is he asking her such private things in front of all?"

That's easy, because Arria was too frigid even to think about doing another round of IVF. Seriously, couldn't he tell her eggs were inhospitible?

Jugurtha chided, "Giving birth to an heir was a matter to be discussed in public. It was Arria's duty to provide as many as she could." Like the force of an unexpected gale, Young To Me Old Power's alto tones yanked us back into the fray.

"We had planned for _that woman_ to carry more than one child to protect the coven's succession. Bella was the only one who survived. Marcus was a newborn vampire when she was born, and difficult to control. I feared if we brought Bella to the coven, he would kill her out of jealousy." Okay fine, so she was not completely evil. "Genevieve also said that if I hid her in the mortal world she would be stronger. Our seer cast the runes and agreed."

Rosalie said, "I can see you cared for your son. Yet, I will not allow you to let Bella suffer the same fate. So legally, regardless of blood ties, she is my sister. And there is no way in Hell I will let you harm her."

"This is unnecessary. Why would we harm her?" Cale asked in a concerned tone.

"You are the same ones who left her in that cave to die for hours a few years ago, right?"

Mystified, Cale glanced at his older sister. If vampires' heads could explode from sheer wrath, I suspect Arria would have been a goner. Jasper gave her a dose of 'I will not scream-itis,' followed by a round of 'I will not slay-it is,' with a dash of 'I will not launch and detonate like a rocket-it is.'She exhaled as she simmered.

Vivinna said, "Daughter, please explain." We all patiently waited for Arria to speak. I knew I had faults. That I had sinned. But I had never left Bella to die….well I'd never _intentionally_ left her to die in a dark cave alone. It made me grouchy even contemplating it.

"No you took her to a dark cave to die directly," Starched Shirt Edward needled me.

Jugurtha pounded him across the shoulders hard enough to make him yelp, "Pay him no mind, he's still out of sorts."

Jane and Alec picked that moment to re-enter the room. The twins of terror both were satisfied through means I am not going to discuss that Arria's soldiers had not betrayed my bride.

With more than a wee bit of rancor, Arria announced, "Eve arranged and supervised Bella's coming-of-age trial, because I had to travel."

"Her what?" Emmett blurted. "When did you all become Masai warriors?"

"It's tradition in our family that when you are on the cusp of adulthood, you be tested. I left it up to Eve to arrange, and Bella passed the trail." Arria shrugged her shoulders elegantly, "She only broke one bone." That being the leg. Pfft, not a problem. "Humans are frail. It could not be helped. Eve ensured Bella was cared for."

Rosalie's temper frayed, "Eve made Bella lay in the pitch dark of that cold cave in agony for hours without administering any pain killer before she allowed her to be rescued. It defies all logic that Bella did not die from shock while she was impressing the Hell out of you."

Judging by the blank expression Marcus wore, a broken leg in his time was not a serious injury, "Arria, you gave her the same ritual your brothers experienced?"

They broke their limbs? And stuck them in the dark? What kind of wimpy ceremonies did these people follow? It would take all of six seconds for a bone to heal on an immortal, and the cold did not affect us.

"I did."

"And she passed."

"She did."

Marcus declared, "I fail to see the problem in this case. She was physically harmed undergoing a challenging ritual and she healed. What of it?"

"She nearly died." Mary Alice seethed.

Arria blinked and waved her palm as if she was describing an act of munificence, "But she did not. She was even guarded by Eve."

The mental image of Eve sitting on a stoop like a gargoyle watching my mate writhe and cry for six hours disturbed me. No wonder the other coven members had accused her of hating my mate. Bella was the child she wanted to have, that Fate denied her; the child Arria robbed her of having. And her apology to Bella before she died in battle now made sense.

Rosalie asked, "Did any of you attend medical school?" My sister continued staring at the cluster of Fake Canadians. They all shook their heads, "no."

"Why would we bother?" Arria sounded offended.

"I don't know, to help those human breeders you kept around stay in one piece and squirt out breathing progeny on time, who survived puberty so you can mate them to others." Rosalie rejoined. "Perhaps if you had a doctor or two around when your clan fell ill in the first place, your son would still be alive. Carlisle easily cured Eve. If you did not have any medical knowledge what was your backup plan? Venom?"

Arria nodded, "But only as a last resort. Bella was very brave. Eve said that she did not cry once." She sounded like Bella had won an Olympic gold medal.

Emmett inquired, "Did Eve mention if Bella was conscious?" That question seemed to confuse Arria. Emmett explained, "Humans cannot cry if they are unconscious from pain. How much of that time in the cave was she awake?"

"The entire time. She only fainted once." Again, Arria mimed the proud parent. We started at her, revolted.

Irate, Mother's clenched fists shook, "Are you aware of her brain injury?"

Young To Me Old Power's disgruntled ruminations fascinated me. Arria briefly imagined the sight of Renee Swan wailing in the hospital waiting room, "I turned my back for a second when doctor Mrs. Swan called me. This is all her fault. My poor baby!" That disgusting sight morphed into wan Genevieve wearing a stained lab coat perched on the bedside of a heavily bandaged Bella. Lovingly, she stroked the ends of the toddler's hair. Liam hovered on the other side of the bed, channeling the sphinx. Bella's small hand reached out drowsily and grabbed his. She pulled it against her face and said, "We-am." Standing outside the room, Arria's long fingers pressed flat against the glass and shook. Another hand appeared, reached out, and took hers – one belonging to the late Eve, who said in Oscan at vampire pitch, "Cousin, we are supposed to be feeding now. You know we cannot linger or we risk her exposure."

"I want to kill that human… She _damaged_ Bella."

Eve took her by the arm, "I know. I do, as well. But we need her. You can kill her later. For now, we have to follow your plan."

"I do not know that we can any more," Arria grumbled and tilted her head towards the hospital room.

"I wouldn't rule Bella out quite yet, cousin mine." Eve's smile made a coat hanger blush with envy, "Race you home."

Angrily, present tense Arria collected her thoughts and slammed the wall blocking me decisively.

Arria said to Mother, "Of course, I remember."

"Then you willingly planned a ritual so that Bella could fall and risk a concussion?"

Rosalie had reached her thresh hold and all but belched brimstone and fire. "Bella was not wearing the pendant back then when you tested her. With her brain injury, a serious concussion could have killed her. The medical records from that time of your _ritual_," she snarled the words, "show she suffered a concussion in addition to a broken leg. That means she should have had immediate medical condition. Instead, you let her fall, and you left her with Eve, who hated her, for six hours. Brilliant move, that."

"Arria, you know that turning does not heal old injuries. Bella's balance was damaged further by that fall," Mother remonstrated.

Mary Alice piled on the criticism aimed at the impassive mother-of-the-year, "And considering the danger she was in, Eve left it to a young boy to carry Bella, who weighed more than _he_ did at the time, up the rungs of a ladder, and then up a staircase before summoning aid?"

Marcus barked, "What?"

Arria said, "I did not design the ritual. Eve did. I trusted her."

"Daughter, it appears that you need to spend more time studying the nature of humans in order to better aid Bella," Vivinna commented softly.

From reading the cauldron of churning confusion in the Telecles Fake Canadian ranks, they were starting to turn against Arria. Why would she allow her heir to be damaged?

Arria stared off into the distance, her icy mannerisms frozen back in place. The Gorgon, Marcus, and Skeevy said nothing.

Esme said, "It seems in your efforts to maintain your family traditions, you hurt Bella more out of ignorance than malice. If you want to continue to be involved in Bella's life, then you need to learn about her, and how to treat humans. Marcus, I will not stand for _my child_ to be put through any more of these trials." There was an edge of iron in Mother's voice.

Father stepped to her side, and met Marcus' eyes, and said, "I agree. Our daughter is not strong enough to endure any more."

Marcus nodded and replied, "This would have been the last one, regardless."

Jugurtha chortled, "Oh, score one for the Cullens."

Starched Shirt Edward scratched his head, "I do not understand."

I told him, "By not challenging Mother and Father, Marcus has told Arria she is not fit to parent Bella. And the silence of Vivinna means she agrees as well, considering Bella's state. Cale's lack of participation in her defense only adds to the problem for Arria." Jugurtha waved his arm, "Regardless, it's a moot point, because Bella is of age and not a child. Carlisle can call her his daughter because she is mated. Marcus loses nothing by conceding it. But it also means that the details of the marriage between you and Bella require further negotiation. I suspect the Telecles clan would like to keep her in an arrangement that keeps her independent from you."

Father interrupted Arria's next attempt at self-defense by the simple expedient of holding up one hand and saying, "I remember my Father used to beat me every so often because he insisted it prevented the Devil from taking root in my soul. He was not any different than any other man I knew in our village. Had he lived now, he would have been jailed."

I had no problem with that sentiment. Parents howled even now over whether or not corporal punishment was appropriate with children.

"Those of you with history degrees," Father continued, "know that alliances were made in families for political reasons particularly during times of war. Many cultures have coming of age rituals. You expect the Telecles clan to act like modern parents, yet they do not even understand the concept."

I stared at my sire like he had morphed into the vampire version of Jessica Stanley.

Jugurtha said, "He's offering Arria and her family the opportunity to save face."

Emmett stuck his chin out pugnaciously, "Then I suppose we'll have to teach them. Because I'm not going to sit by and watch them put her through another gauntlet of gyrfalcons to prove she belongs to their oh so holy line."

Marcus said, "Emmett, she had to, or the clan would never accept Bella."

Jasper said, "I am willing to bet that the clan did not even know of Bella's existence at the time, so why would it matter?"

"It is a matter of honor," Marcus answered.

Now my brothers were tag-teaming. "Earlier you mentioned how you don't send a soldier on a mission without training, right?" Emmett asked Marcus.

"Indeed."

"Arria ignored Bella all these years. She allowed her to grow up ignorant of her heritage and culture, except when she had to conveniently make her suffer rituals to prove membership to a group Bella never actually signed up to join. Bella also had no idea she was being tested or to even expect it. And Arria made them physical trials, which also disadvantaged Bella. See where I'm heading?"

Marcus said, "I am sure Arria had a good reason for what she did. And Bella passed them all."

"I had to promise Liam that I would not tell her, yet I had to satisfy the rites of my coven," she explained.

Great, so by agreeing to that batty biologist's wishes, she tormented her child.

Jasper continued Father's face-saving tactic, "Bella has already been through enough, thanks to all of us. It does not matter the intent, we collectively did this to her."

Mary Alice nodded her head in agreement.

Jasper took a step forward and actually rested his hands on his mate's shoulders and stared at Arria. I shook my head wondering at my sanity because Jasper rarely touched Alice in public and only on the hands, and he appeared to be in a staring contest with Arria, who blinked first. Jasper deliberately did not use his gift.

Arria said, "You have no right to dictate….

Emmett erupted, "Lady, is dodging responsibility your idea of exemplary leadership? If so, I want to run a paternity test on you right now." That was rude; albeit accurate. Even Marcus appeared perplexed by the vehemence in Emmett's voice. My brother pointed at Arria, "Where were_ you_ when Bella was in the hospital with pneumonia for over a week and nearly died? I don't have any memory of you giving her baths, or holding her hand for hours when she was delirious and crying with nightmares. I don't remember you cleaning her soiled sheets like my Mother and Father did. I did not hear from Edward of you showing up to the hospital to keep the Blacks from trying to kidnap her."

"Had they tried I would have killed them." She stared at Emmett like he was a young recruit arguing with an older soldier. Which he kind-of-sort-of was.

He snorted, "So you neglected to kill them _twice_ over. Cause last time I checked, both of them still had a pulse. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. I've never seen you sit down and eat a meal with her to encourage her to regain her health."

Arria's lip curled, "We can't eat human food. But I provided it for her," as if Emmett was a moron.

Emmett said, "Exactly. Neither can we. But we sat and ate meals with her for weeks to encourage her to gain weight. You lack the imagination to even try to help Bella."

She shrugged, "I had the hospital watched."

Jasper said, "Not unless you were doing it remotely, because we patrolled the area. I never sensed anyone in the region who felt concern about Bella as a mother would if her child were on her deathbed. The emotions I get from you, frankly, are cold."

"We had a seer guarding her. And I did as well. You never detected it. My mind is also closed to you unless I choose to open it. And who gave you the right -"

I cut her off and let Jugurtha write the script I used, "I did as Bella's rightful mate," I left off the, 'I refuse to stand by and allow you to marry her or her ovaries off to some snotty aristocrat,' as it sounded crude. "We have no qualm if you claim her as your blood kin for political advantage. Please be gentler with her feelings. We will be happy to assist you in this so that Bella can adjust to her new life." Well, it was true. I might have improvised that last line. Someone had to see to the emotional welfare of my bride. Someone who cared. That would be me.

I held the engagement ring in my pocket. I'd put that right back on her hand as soon as I could. Although I'd probably have to use some of Emmett's duct tape to get it to fit since superglue was not a viable option. Surely, she'd speak soon.

Bella captured our full attention by whispering, "Gotcha."

See? I knew she'd come out of her fog.

Mary Alice said, "Father, can you lend me your scalpel?"

"Whatever for?"

"So I can slice out Bella's ovaries and remove the need for her devoted mother's attentions. Once she has them, she'll be on her merry little way and never plague her again." I had never heard Mary Alice be so crass. Truth be told, every word she said was the truth. But still. Ew.

Rosalie snorted and brightly chirped, "I'll perform the procedure myself. Let's begin shall we? Edward, please pass me that vial over there." She acted like the perfect Stepfordized Vampire.

Marcus said to Alice, "Child, I believe you have made your point."

Marcus turned to Arria, "He is her mate."

Arria groused, "He left her to die." I stayed still as the poisonous truth washed over me.

I did not feel this was the time to say, "So did you." Instead, I replied, "That is my cross to bear. I accept my part in the responsibility for that, and will do everything in my power to see to her happiness." She narrowed her eyes and all but spit venom at me as I blinked the very image of contrition.

Emmett concluded, _"Way to go making her look bad while accepting responsibility. You are coming back to the real world PukeWard."_

"Edward clearly did not know, and the mate bond was not strong enough at the time to prevent him," Marcus judged. "We cannot convict him for failing to realize that he had bonded to a human and acting to protect his coven. Now he understands. He is still her mate. He also gave us invaluable intelligence." He left off the, 'that you failed to learn,' part. As well as the, 'and you failed to guard her,' part, too. Notably, Vivinna agreed with him.

Arria clenched her teeth and said nothing in response. Mentally to me she griped, _"You and I, Youngling, will converse later about Bella. No matter what my Father sees, we both agree that your mate bond is not fully formed. You are on probation with me. Treat her again like you did on that day, and I will personally gut you. And Father will help." _Did she have to say that last part with such relish? Or was that her idea of Fatherly-Daughterly bonding?

Mentally, I responded, _"Yes, Madam."_ Because really, there was nothing left to say. I only had eyes for Bella. The words of Winston Churchill came to mind,

"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up."

Bella was such a pure soul. And considering Charlie and Renee had prevaricated to her for over fifteen years every day, when you compared that to the time frame in which I had lied and deceived – she should forgive me. Right? I mean, I _did_ tell her the whole truth in the end, and I took measures to protect her. And I sincerely loved her this time. That had to count for something.

Starched Shirt Edward threw his hands up in the air bringing his palms to rest with a smack against the leather padding of the top of his prayer bench. Then just to show some extra dramatic irony, he cradled his head in his hands, followed by loud chanting in Latin to Saint Jude. Something about opening the eyes of the blind or some such nonsense. He clearly was not in his normal frame of pipsqueak mind because everyone knew Saint _Lucy_ was the patron saint of the blind, by Jove, not Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. I'd have to have Jugurtha talk to him. Marcus' voice pulled me into the room.

To Father, Marcus asked, "Can Bella be moved?"

"Of course."

"We will have a short delay before we reach America." Excuse me? She was catatonic with an uneven heartbeat and his only human heir, and he wanted to delay her getting the hundreds of tests I was most assuredly going to insist be performed? Was he mad?

Father put a staying hand on my chest and mentally emitted a clipped, _"Silence."_

"Yes. We will monitor her carefully."

They were interrupted by the arrival of Benedict and his still golden-eyed family as Marcus bade them enter. The Volturi had at least respected the O'Farrell's decision to maintain a heathen diet, which probably explained why they had such large amounts of animal blood ready for me. The O'Farrells entered the suite. Their chastened children, who had resisted being freed, were clearly mortified by their obstinacy in the face of reason. Father held out his hand, "Benedict, I am your cousin Carlisle Cullen. I am so sorry it took us so long to find you. Of course you know Alice. This is my wife Esme, and our other children Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. Alec and Jane are our cousins."

Benedict squinted at him, and returned his grip, "You look like your mother Alisoun." To Mary Alice he said, "I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy it brings me to see you safe."

My sister said, "Everything happens for a reason," and then positively beamed in jubilation for a brief moment before schooling her features to a composed mask when her eyes fell upon Bella.

Father stared at Benedict's bare fingers and asked, "Where is your family ring?"

Benedict said, "They destroyed it forty years ago."

Father removed his and handed it to Benedict, "As eldest this is your right to wear. I'll have another one made for myself and your family members."

"But you took her name, the Cullen name," he sounded aghast. The ring showed their Grandmother's crest.

"That does not mean I have any more of a right to it than you. Please accept it with my goodwill."

With a nod to Father, Benedict said to the rest of the room, "This is my wife Mary, my daughter Deidre, and my sons Thomeas and Gavine."

Benedict was shorter than Father and the ring had to be put on his middle finger. Father said, "We'll have it resized when we arrive at our home. You will, of course, be invited to stay with us for as long as you wish. You're family."

The O'Farrell's appeared hesitant. I can only imagine how I would feel after being imprisoned all those years at having freedom. I would want to lose myself in the world.

Marcus greeted Benedict, "I knew about your captivity. And it is a sorry excuse, but I could not risk having you released until I had enough forces to take over. The only thing I could do for you was insist that you be allowed to maintain your diet and see your family regularly. With your talent, you will have to remain protected, or Caius will simply try to take you back."

Carlisle said, "I understand you can make people forget. Can you tell me about it?"

"I can erase an entire life if need be."

"For how long does the gift last?"

"I have no limit that I know of."

Marcus said, "Could his gift be used to help Bella?" He said that so casually when that had been his plan all along the devious bastard.

Father regretfully sighed, "I do not think his gift would work because her mind is impermeable." How I wished she had a normal brain like most other weak humans.

"How much do you need her to forget?" Benedict inquired.

Knowing it would never work, I said, "The last nine months."

Benedict stared at my mate as she lay on the bed. I could not sense any change in the power in the room.

"What happened to her?" Mary O'Farrell asked.

"She witnessed a mass feeding. It frightened her into this state," Rosalie opined.

After staring at her for a few moments, Benedict sighed, "I'm sorry. Her mind is like nothing I have ever found."

That's my Bella.

"We have a roomful of humans that need to forget about three days of their life downstairs," Mary Alice said. "Can you do it?"

"Of course. It might take time."

"Do they have to be awake?"

"It works better if they are not, actually."

Marcus said, "Edward, please use your gift to see if you can aid Benedict from here."

I held out my hand to Benedict and summoned the Quileute powers. And once I started glowing, much to Benedict's alarm, I put my hand on Bella's and concentrated. Marcus showed him the humans sleeping in the throne room.

It took two minutes.

When I emerged from the trance, the entire room stared at Bella and me. Marcus said, "So that's why I was able to destroy that many houses? Ordinarily I would have had to stop at two at a distance like that."

Jugurtha chided, "You realize you just upped her status and value in the immortal world to save those humans. I see why you did it, I merely wanted to point out you now have more complications."

"Duly noted, but I scored a point against the Gorgon and her daughter who wanted them killed for convenience's sake. And maybe saving those lives will help even out the scales after all I've done." Even though it was a drop in the bucket. And did I mention my head felt like it was going to explode?

Starched Shirt Edward seemed to think it mattered. The balancing the scales part, not the exploding cranium issue.

Bella pulled her hand from mine as if she was burned. I decided that was a positive sign that she was becoming rational.

Carmen and Eleazar made arrangements for the dispersion of the still asleep and very confused when they woke up humans by members of a lost coven from France. The elementary school children and the teacher in particular would require delicate handling. I fancied a bus crash with them being rescued after being isolated sounded good.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "The teacher will not be with them."

"Why not?" I asked

"Because you singled her out to be turned."

"I did no such thing."

Jugurtha said, "Actually, you did. It was an excellent move."

"I do not understand."

"You sensed power in her that the slobbering vampires in the room could not detect. She will make an impressive immortal, and because of that alone, now that they have studied her with clear eyes, no one begrudges what you did. From what I can tell, aside from Bella, she's the most powerful human to walk these halls. And Marcus has claimed her in your name as being under his protection. Caius cannot get his claws in her. He's beside himself, actually."

I wanted to regurgitate all that blood on the floor, and it felt like the world started to spin as white lights winked in my peripheral vision. No, it definitely started to spin and I put my head in my hands. When you added it to the pile of mushrooming sins that lay prostrate like a newly enlightened sinner at Bella's feet, it ……I extended my senses and found the Canadian teacher in a soundproof room right as she began screaming as the transition began. I had missed the bites by seconds.

I must not be sick.

I must not be sick.

I must not be sick.

I had to be strong now.

Jugurtha patted my back and said, "I'll schedule in a time for you to explode all sorts of large inanimate objects if you can focus on Bella right now. The Canadian teacher would have died a horrendous death. This way she will live on and not have to rely on human blood."

Father handed me a glass of algae that had a painkiller in it. I threw it back, hoping that it might work a bit. The sludge seemed to slither down my throat and burn at the same time as the drug fought with my system for control. I'd never had this much pain killer at once. And Father had added in a sedative, too.

Jugurtha said, "We are going to be leaving this room. You need to lift her carefully. And if you feel dizzy you need to tell someone."

Marcus snapped his fingers and Felix handed him a cloak. Instead of donning it, he threw it at me followed by the clasp, "Edward, you need a warm coat where we are going." Marcus went into a side chamber and emerged dressed for battle. He had aides pass out vampire blades, unscented ones at that, to us all.

Marcus nodded at Skeevy, who texted something into his phone as did Arria. I extended my limping senses and could tell that the thousands of troops outside had been given leave to enter the fortress. It sounded like Hannibal with a herd or ninety of elephants, as thousands of feet marched through the hallways into the throne room.

Rosalie grabbed my hands as I reached for my mate, "I don't think so. You are drugged right now and could fall." Right.

"If I am not seen carrying her, it will send the wrong message."

Emmett said, "He's right, Rose. I'll walk by his right, you take his left."

We arrived moments later at the throne room surrounded by soldiers like sardines. The room was now filled to capacity. Aro and Caius did their best to remain calm. Whatever Father had put in that drink went to work almost immediately, although it only took the edge off of my physical pain. I appeared to be immune to the sedative.

Marcus' stentorian voice rang out, "Brothers! Glorious news! We are no longer at war with the majority of the lost covens. Only a few refuse to reconcile."

Except he did not address the words to Aro and Caius so much as at the crowd that roared and applauded at him. Marcus waved an arm and the shouting ceased.

Caius said, "Who leads them? When did you negotiate a treaty? You don't speak."

Vivinna said, "I led them in his name, with the assistance of my family." Aro gaped.

Four young men, led by Aranthur Catharnia – Vivinna's brother I'd seen in the vision of the ambush - stepped from the ranks of the legionnaires. They saluted Marcus and Vivinna. One clearly appeared different than the other dark-haired ones. He was taller, heavier, with white blond hair and maroon eyes. He said, "Greetings, Father, Mother, Uncle."

Jugurtha whispered, "Remember the four Telecles sons who died at once and their heads were sent to Marcus in a basket?"

"Gracious, yes."

"That's them."

"Metie," Aro cried to the blond one, "Pesna, Teitu, and Thucer . . ." to the others who all resembled one another to the point telling the difference between them would be a challenge. "But you. I saw. How?" His face erupted in a smile as he stepped forward and put his hand on each and said, "Oh, you have no idea how happy….." He said to Marcus, "Brother, how?"

Marcus said, "It required a thousand years of sacrifice to bring them all back. It was worth every second." He smiled at his sons.

Caius gaped. As did Claudia and Paulina, the Volturi wives. The other ones.

Jugurtha laughed and said, "Oh, Marcus has done more than just engineer a bloodless coup. Caius and Aro are definitely going to be hating life."

I asked him, "How so?"

"Marcus told them he and Vivinna sacrificed a millennium apart suffering each second in return for the gift of _some_ of his dead children and his legions."

"True."

"That means that Claudia and Paulina are probably going to consider asking that Aro and Caius do the same."

No wonder Caius appeared like he was going to be ill.

Marcus said, "I must see to the needs of my family and will be taking a trip, brothers. Caius, we intend to search for your son and restore him to you and Paulina. Good night." He turned to Aro, handed him a sheathed blade, and said, "Aro, we have work to do." Aro kissed his mate's cheek, and dutifully followed him. He brightened at Marcus' words and all but clicked his heels together.

"What about me?" Caius wailed.

Marcus, his arm held out for his wife as they walked, said, "Lead wisely, and make amends to your mate. I expect a formal apology to mine when next we meet, or I'll leave her in a room with you." Marcus said over his shoulder, "I don't think it will turn out the way you initially envisioned, brother dear." Vivinna ignored Caius. I so saw her flexing her left fist, though. Well, that did not go how I expected.

Jugurtha said, "What did you expect?"

"Marcus to snarl something like if Caius ever imagined Vivinna in that way again that he'd kill him."

"He followed the teachings of Sun-Tzu."

"What do you mean?"

"The best battle is one you never have to fight. These aristocrats do not understand feminism like we do. Marcus threatened to let his wife kill Caius in a tone of voice that sounded like she could. Caius been insulted appropriately, and mocked. And had _Marcus_ threatened to kill him, then he would be acknowledging that Caius _is_ a threat. This way he does not, teases his brother, and smacks him hard at the same time. He probably won bonus points from his mate as well. And earned a few back on Caius' behalf because it will decrease the ire of his offended mate. And don't think for a second Caius doesn't realize it."

Two vampires emerged from the back carrying the screaming Canadian schoolteacher. With each cry, a refrain echoed, _'I did that. I did that.'_ I had visions of Bella doing the same.

On that note, two soldiers crossed the tall spears they held in their hands and the room was filled with humming that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The throne room melted before my eyes and it felt like we were dunked into a vat of ice cold water. From Caius' mind, we simply disappeared.

One second we were in Italy, the next we stood on a hillside in a blizzard in three feet of frozen snow under a cloudy sky that obscured the vanilla moon. Like waves of the sea, the fields of powdery ice were sculpted by the blasts of air into ridges and ripples. A collection of pine trees huddled like humans seeking warmth from one another off to the right. Others surrounded the left side like decorated skeletons. The weight of the snow shawled the branches and made it easy to see through the leaden limbs.

A small empty cottage thatched with feet of snow stood a mile to the North. With a preoccupied manner, Marcus said, "I'll settle you in that empty house over there." He did not have to say the Volturi owned it and used it as a spy headquarters for the region. "Vivinna and I are going to make a quick social call on old friends."

Marcus also did not say he planned on bringing a few thousand of his own on said envisioned fantasy unsocial call. With visions of gore lurking on his mind, he led us through the bitter night oblivious to the negative twenty below zero Fahrenheit temperatures and the knife-edge howling winds to the cottage. The Canadian school teacher harmonized with the blasts. I extended my senses; there were no humans within listening distance. Her screams were deafened by the wind, thank goodness.

Father said, "I take it we are in Romania?"

Marcus nodded, "Only for a short repast. This should not take long." He mentally informed delighted Aro of the Romanian situation.

Giddy with glee, Aro clasped his hands together almost as if in prayer. "Oh brother, it has been so long since we fought side-by-side in battle. How happy you have made me!" There he went with that slaphappy routine again.

A guard opened the door of the house for us and we entered, stamping our feet on the mat by the doorway.

The clumpy snow stubbornly clung to us like determined door-to-door salesman of days gone by. Father said to the vampire holding the teacher, "How long ago was she bitten?"

"About five minutes."

Two legionnaires lay her carefully on the floor on a pile of cloaks no one outside needed to wear. Why put on cloaks when you can look macho without suffering the effects of it?

Jasper attempted to soothe the poor woman with his gift, and if that was her calm during her transition, I did not want to see her agitated. Considering all the emotions Jasper had experienced of late, I worried this might be difficult for him.

Jasper said to the nervous-looking soldiers who had already felt bits of his gift, "I have experience supervising transitions." Oh, right. Silly me. How could I forget that he had murdered, butchered AND turned humans for decades. How thoughtless of me.

Father said, "Good we still have time." He reached into his bag, pulled out two large bottles of purified water and managed to get the woman to drink them without choking to death. I recalled Father's explanation for the water making her transition easier if she was hydrated. He promptly dosed her with enough sedative and pain killer to knock her flat.

We brushed the ice off of Bella's cloak and I took a seat on the floor between the writhing teacher and the fireplace. Since my heart was beating, I had the body heat to warm Bella. Which meant it was totally ethical for me to clutch her to me in the manner that I did, sheltering her inside the cloak supplied by Marcus in place of the soggy one I had loaned Bella earlier. She could have frozen. Seriously. I would have given just about anything to have some of Rosalie's batteries.

Starched Shirt Edward tugged me by the hand and said, "Here, watch. Remember the second morning after you rescued her in the icy parking lot? You were giving her driving lessons."

_I arrived at her house two minutes early, thankful my suspicious sister had not minded me studying a few of her car manuals. My singer answered the door with a mystified expression. I had personally watched through his bumbling mind as Chief Swan had inspected the truck's tires and fluids to ensure the truck would be functional prior to heaving his girth into his cruiser and departing for another day of staring at parking tickets and pastries. Nice of him to worry about the car and not his own daughter. _

"_Good morning." _

"_Hello, Edward." She seemed focused on watching the ground to make sure she stayed standing on it as we walked to the car. I would have cleared her sidewalk and driveway, but Mary Alice had warned me that the noise of the metal-bladed snow shovel would wake the neighborhood and her father would become territorial over his land. Humans. He could have the land. I only wanted his daughter. For moral purposes, of course. For the rest of her life._

"_I see you put the crampons on correctly."_

_My human stuttered, "The what?" She seemed aghast for a moment. _

"_Crampons. Ice grippers?" Did she have a memory problem? I needed to get her into the vehicle and turn the heat on as the chill in the air had made her cheeks red. I could not have her falling ill. It could harm her precious scent. _

"_Oh. Right. Yes." I could not understand why she acted so relieved. They were not difficult to utilize as I had demonstrated for her at school; and she was an intelligent woman. I opened her car door for her and forced myself not to lift her into the car and attach her seat belt for her. Mary Alice had also ruled that out. Too patronizing._

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes, Bella?"_

"_Do you want to go to school?" Like the fly helpless in the spider's web, I tripped into her eyes, and forgot what I was planning on saying. Jugurtha smacked me into answering._

"_Most assuredly," I stammered._

"_Then you'll need to get in the car and let me close my door."_

_Her lips twitched at me for an interminable moment that in human time Starched Shirt Edward pointed out represented nothing more than a microexpression. It was important that she had NOT done anything beyond it, he opined. I wanted her to laugh. Just not at me. To her credit, she remained silent and solemn. I wanted to crawl under the car and let the earth swallow me whole. Starched Shirt Edward said she was a kind soul to overlook our errors._

"_Right. Sorry." I shut her door and walked at boring human speed to the passenger side. Which was locked. My singer had to unfasten her seat belt and slide across to lift the manual lock. Her car was warming up and in park. She could have been hurt. I would have to remember to unlock the car door every morning to prevent this from happening. Any reasonable vampire would worry about the safety of his singer. _

_I shut the passenger side door. She stared at me out of the corner of her eye._

"_Bella? I think the vehicle has warmed up properly."_

"_I agree."_

"_So the key to backing up in this weather is to be gentle with the accelerator and brakes."_

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Fasten your seat belt, please."_

"Edward," Rosalie had her 'I am professional and around a lunatic,' voice in place. "Here," Rosalie said, "I will lay them against her," As she produced three batteries from her pockets and wired them into place turning them on to help warm Bella. My sister had somehow become not only a vicious debater, but a sensitive almost mind-reader. Who knew she could grow so much in eight months? Now if only she could produce a hospital and laboratory so I could provide my mate with the aid she required, and away from that screaming woman who put my teeth on edge. I had not heard wailing that piteous since Rosalie's transition. Rosalie handed me a bottle of water and we took turns ensuring Bella had her share as well as the twins.

Bella's heartbeat became slower then sped up again in a haphazard rhythm. I prayed Rosalie and Father's diagnosis was correct and that it was not something even worse, as visions of heart surgeries performed on Bella tortured me. She already had enough scars meandering across her small frame.

Father cogitated, _"Son, I know this wait is agonizing, and the turning is not helping matters. You have to remember that people from Marcus' time had different ideas about medicine. Bella's not bleeding to death, therefore in his mind, dealing with the threat of the Romanians is also taking care of her."_

Imperceptibly, I inclined my head in a nod. I said, _"She's catatonic because of the feeding she saw. And now we have one screaming right beside her."_ I could not tell my Father how much I regretted singling that woman out. I knew from the time of the battle at our house, when I had refused to turn Bella, that he suspected, but evincing guilt now over that particular sin would seal my fate. He might not want me to stay. And I loved my family. So to keep them, I said, "She," nodding at the writing woman, "has great power. I could not bear to see it go to waste." There. That sounded like something he'd want to hear.

Jugurtha counseled, "They care for you. Think of all they risked today for your sake. We will proceed cautiously. And that was inspired about the teacher."

Father said, _"We cannot know for certain why Bella is catatonic. Why don't you see if you can construct a barrier around the woman to shield the sound?"_

Suddenly the school teacher sat up and wailed loud enough to make a banshee weep with admiration and professional envy. Watching Bella's glassy eyes and how she did not so much as flinch, I could not take it anymore. As Father grabbed the screaming woman's shoulders to lay her down, I summoned the powers. Within my mind, I chanted in Quileute, _"I know I have to assume the burden for this. I don't even remember doing something so horrible. Please, my mate has suffered enough for my sins. Please do not let her hear this woman's screams."_

I placed a shaky hand on the strange woman's shoe as the ring was created. All the room stared as it surrounded the woman, but not Bella, who lay in my arms. The screaming from the minds of the rest of the room cut off like a switch. And the spirits were offended I had not asked earlier as they said they owed Bella. When I asked for what they refused to answer. Oh, right, meeting Victoria to save the tribe. Jumping to her death to save the tribe. Those little things. They were absolutely right. As far as I was concerned they owed her considerably. We were in perfect accord on that issue. And they agreed that I deserved to hear every scream and said they would assist in that effort.

I heard a voice in my mind saying, _"Who is there?"_ It came from the woman, not the Quileute spirits. No one else in the room had sensed it.

"_My name is Edward. I am sorry you are hurting. I wish I could say it will get better. It should pass in three days."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_You are becoming immortal. What is your name?"_

"_Merr . . .isol du Pre."_ I lost contact with her as she sank into the greedy arms of pain.

Skeevy said in a far too offhand voice, "What was that?"

"Her cries were frightening Bella and affecting her heart. I used my gifts so that no one but I can hear her. Her name, by the way, is Merrisol DuPre. I'm sure once she wakes up she'll be happy to meet you." Jugurtha said I should add that last part. Skeevy stared at her longer than was proper. She had shoulder length auburn hair and for the present bright blue eyes. Freckles, too.

Jugurtha said, "Skeevy is a goner. Poor man."

Reading his impressions, I answered in his mind, _"If her jewelry is any indication, she is unmarried."_ I nodded at her left hand. _"Humans these days wear rings, like those on my Mother." _I owed him for earlier in that argument with Arria.

Emmett started a fire, while Mary Alice and Mother held the kept-sleeping-by-me twins, as they hovered over the woman and Bella both. Emmett said, "We don't have enough wood for long."

Skeevy waved an arm at a group of soldiers, "Fetch more. My niece and the humans require warmth to survive." They all but tripped over another escaping the room like Olympic sprinters to fetch wood. Others joined and it turned into a vampire running parade of sorts through the raging blizzard.

Three minutes later, smiling like eager puppies, the soldiers returned beaming with a large pine tree they had ripped out, roots and all and had broken into four parts. One poor soul seemed to think he could simply feed the four feet long hunks of ice-coated lumber into the fireplace and all would be well. Except the wood section he held was larger than the hearth. Another didn't realize the dirt from the roots was being scattered on Merrisol as soil glopped onto her forehead. Father cleaned her face and held her hand, and tried to soothe her. He said, "Edward, I need to be able to hear her, too." Right. Sorry. I waved an arm and included him in the circle of pain and regret.

Jasper took a rusty axe from the corner, and waved the men outside. I could hear the axe strike the timber with a thwack as he split the tree into sections. He returned with stacks of wet wood and began building a larger fire. There were books above the fireplace, one was a Bible, the other two were translations of _Gone With the Wind_ and _The Mayor of Casterbridge_. Jasper picked _Gone With the Wind_, and started feeding pages of the first chapter into the stacks of wood and kindling. I reminded myself to congratulate him on avoiding sacrilege later. _The Mayor of Casterbridge_ was a superior book.

"What are you doing?" Mary Alice asked her mate. The Mississippi-native clearly was upset and believed that he should have gone with destroying the Hardy, instead.

"You have to have extra things to start a fire when the wood is this wet."

"Oh. She looks cold, Jasper. Her lips are blue. Merrisol's, too. We have to check on the twins."

Rosalie said, "I have enough batteries to keep the both warm if we put them together in a blanket. I can't turn them up too high because they are so fragile it could burn their skin."

Mother decided no child was going to freeze to death on her watch. Esme handed the female child to Carmen, and went into the small nook that passed for a kitchen and began searching the cabinets. She returned with a bottle of olive oil. Jasper used it to make the fire start and we all did our best to avoid retching at the odor that resulted from the burning wood and mashed olives.

"What in the name of the gods _is_ that?" Skeevy winced. He had enough Telecles clan stubbornness to continue breathing even though it was unnecessary.

Mother said, "Humans have used it to cook for generations. It is oil from olives."

And on that note, Skeevy conveniently took his leave of us, remembering something about Romanians he needed to attend to.

Marcus and Aro left the area surrounded by five thousand legionnaires at guard duty, and an ecstatic Aranthur Catharnai, by the ghost of a smile on his face, who had not only recovered his long-grieved nephews, but now had hope his only son still lived. What other family had a reunion by lunging into battle to hack apart another coven? Marcus and Vivinna had barely said two words to one another or their newly-risen-from-the-ashes four sons. Arria hadn't even bothered to walk up to her four brothers and say, "I'm your long lost baby sister, and the last time we saw one another I was drooling. How stupid of you all to die at once. I might have made mistakes but nothing that moronic. Nice to meet you." Instead she gave the Telecles form of a hug by nodding at them. Skeevy did the same. The four men, I must admit, handled vampire blades quite well despite that whole being slaughtered a millennium ago due to stupidity party. I was not quite sure how four of Marcus' sons could be ambushed at once. And I was sure, based on how Marcus had treated Arria earlier, that the second he got them alone, he'd be asking the same question. I'd probably pay money to see that lecture.

Jugurtha snorted, "It is one thing to admit that you erred. It is entirely another when your parents had to suffer for a millennium to pay for those errors."

I sniped at Starched Shirt Edward, "You really should try to convert them to Catholicism. They should already have the ingrained guilt part down." He huffed at me and muttered that I was a heather. Which I totally was.

Family night for the Telecles clan consisted of collectively storming the monastery that had hidden the Walachian coven for centuries. I would rather not think of what I saw that frigid eve that passed for sibling bonding, and definitely wanted to expunge the things I had heard. Marcus sent immortals and mortals alike off to the Great Beyond with an economy and skill that made him the Picasso of warfare. The vampire equivalent of an octopus, Aro delighted in reading every one's life history before they died that he could reach. And that man practically groped the entire coven. Metie, the hulking blonde son of Marcus was acting like a misplaced Viking, and appeared the part as well. That one showed a distasteful amount of glee during battle. And his beatific smile made him appear unhinged. Worse, he liked to sing while swinging his sword. Not that one. Ew. The blade. The unscented vampire blade that he currently wielded to hack apart a screaming teenage immortal girl.

Jasper sulked that he was not along for the ride. The only comfort he had was that Alec and Jane had been left here to guard as well.

Using a flat voice, Jane said, "Back away from the hearth."

I gazed up at her as if she were mad, as the fire agreed with me, with a loud crackle and pop.

Alec studied Bella's unbound tresses and murmured, "The hair always catches fire first."

My eyes widened as I saw the memory of his and Jane's human death at the stake. I knew they would not want that acknowledged out loud as they seemed to have an abundance of pride. To their minds I said as I moved back from the fire, _"Thank you for sharing your wisdom for Bella's welfare."_ That sounded far better than, "Jane you looked far better with longer hair and what a ghastly way to die and I'm not sorry Aro killed the entire town."

From my seat on the stone floor clutching my silent Grandmaster to my chest like a blessed medallion, I waved to Jasper and he cautiously approached. I patted the ground at my right side and waited for him to be seated.

Hezekiah's caution that sharing power with older spirits would only make me stronger had proved true, as I had rallied. At present, my powers were cooperating. I closed my eyes and sent the images of the skirmish to Jasper, who sat like a gourmet chef appreciating another's work. "Marcus is sending these to me." I explained my sudden expansion in range. And it was true. Marcus had been so busy he had not taken the time to include Jasper in his mental feed. It was an oversight I was sure he would soon correct.

Emmett said, "You just became the AM radio of the immortal world." I am not sure what that meant.

"The Romanians are putting up quite a fight." Jasper sounded like a sports announcer, a well-bred one.

Father apparently did not need my help as he had a direct feed as well. He predicted, "This should end shortly. I think this Romanian clan is only three thousand strong."

It took half an hour to storm and destroy their previously impenetrable abode. The thoroughly professionally impressed Jane, Alec, and Jasper were now Marcus' military minions. Marcus personally oversaw that whole execution of wailing enemies business, which took an hour to carry out. He did not wait for them to offer him an explanation, or beg for mercy, or attempt to negotiate, which several attempted to do. He and his men and his wife and children simply killed them all methodically after letting Aro bless them with his touch and pilfer their entire lives' knowledge.

As the last body was ripped asunder, Vivinna asked, "My nephew?" It would have been tacky had they killed the chap by mistake.

Marcus turned his head to listen as he communicated with the minds of his men. "Alive, but in bad shape. His father has found him. Carlisle will need to see Vel. Possibly Rosalie as well."

Marcus said to another soldier, "Gather any intelligence you can. Then burn the entire place to the ground. Find the stragglers and kill them."

Aro gave them a list of those he had determined were missing after rifling through the minds of the not-so-dearly departed.

"Join us in Washington State in America when you finish your task." Suddenly Marcus' voice sounded in my mind, "Edward, can you please dispose of the bodies?"

When did I become the grim garbage reaper to sterilize the abattoir he had birthed?

"As distasteful as it seemed," Jugurtha said, "The faster you do this, the quicker we leave. Besides, you can impress the men making thousands of vanquished enemies vanish. Think of the bold statement that makes. And Marcus' eldest, Miethe, needs a reminder you have power. Watch that opportunistic one like a carpetbagger."

Starched Shirt Edward said through slit eyes, "The Romanians in that building deserve to burn for killing those monks generations ago and desecrating the house of God. I vote, 'yes.'"

Calling upon the Quileute spirits who informed me they were beginning to feel taken for granted until they saw what I intended to ask, they all but pushed me aside and the body parts writhed for a second before bursting into flame and vanishing. As far as they were concerned, that was one giant leap for all of wolfkind. The murmurs went through the ranks about the green demon mated to Marcus' ill granddaughter. I knew nothing about why Marcus' oldest child, Mr. Singing while Swinging Metie Telecles ended up covered with green ash. Nope. Sorry.

From reading the minds around him, Metie was the only survivor of a clan that had been allied with Marcus'. I saw from a legionnaire's mind an image of a child found amongst the rubble, clinging to his dead Mother. He had refused to leave her side for the three days it had taken Marcus to arrive. Marcus had to pull him screaming off of her corpse.

Newly married, he concluded his wife would like a child until they had one of their own. And from all accounts from Aro's mind, Vivinna had doted on him as much as those borne of her flesh.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "The one," he pointed to Metie, "reminds me of Lee Quill. He's not right in the head. And they have not realized it yet."

I was not going to be the bearer of the, "Hey, I realize you spent a thousand years suffering in order to resurrect your sons and troops, but you need to send that one back to the manufacturer for a recall," news. Nope. But I most assuredly planned on watching him like a hawk.

Vivinna handed a slip of paper to the man, "This is where they keep their human line." She didn't need to say, "Kill every last one of them."

Five minutes later, Marcus and his family, accompanied by a gawky sixteen-year-old appearing vampire, entered the house. The young man took one whiff of the children near Bella and lunged for my scentless mate instead, proving Marcus' concern about his mental well-being. Before I could teach him proper manners, Skeevy and the boy's sire caught him.

His father Aranthur Cartharnai said, "Child, in this family, we do not eat our human cousins. Vel this is Bella, Marcus and Vivinna's granddaughter." Good to know they had rules, aside from, _Thou shalt slay thine enemies._

Vel tilted his head and drooled venom across his tunic. He whined, "There are small humans. I am hungry. That woman over there stinks of venom." He nodded at Merrisol.

Blithely, I said, "Those are Rosalie and Emmett's children. I do not recommend trying." I left off the, "Or I'll hurt you part."

Rosalie and Emmett glanced at each other for a moment and then stared at the toddlers as if they had seconds ago sprouted from the earth. "Edward, I –"

"Bella saved them for a reason." Besides, I could hardly raise them alongside a mother that would not speak. Given how I hated to converse, they would be mute. Bella and I clearly weren't ready for children. And it would keep Rose mentally occupied for the time being, while I schee---made plans to manage my family's mental hygiene. My own, too. Not to mention that of my mate. But then again. Ye Gads! She actually really was my family.

Jugurtha said, "Clever move, now they owe you for fulfilling Rosalie's dream. If they find out what you did to Bella, they can't be as mean. Bravo. And keep feeding Jasper battle information. He's Marcus' number one groupie."

Skeevy stuffed more of that green substance at his drooling relation, who sulked while trying to chew and whine at the same time. I had ranted at Fate because being turned at seventeen was awkward. Due to our lifestyle we had maintained a sheltered existence, so I was only now seeing large groups of immortals. In all my limited experience, I had never seen one with a severe case of acne vulgaris. Mike Newton would baptize this man, "Melted pizza face." The idea of being _eternal _pizza face, perhaps my lot was not so miserable after all. At least in that regard. There was no amount of antibiotics or benzoyl peroxide that would help. I made a note to Jugurtha to see that Vel's father had a copy of information on his condition.

I gathered up my still-not-speaking-to-a-soul mate as we exited into the storm.

Father inquired, "Are we returning to Washington?"

Marcus clicked his tongue and said, "Soon. We need to make one stop. Perhaps, two. Those two Romanians you captured delivered their message eight months ago."

"Yes?" Father said. "What of it?"

"That means they have sat in ambush waiting for me all that time. It would be unkind to keep them languishing any longer."

With Jasper attached to me like a barnacle battle junkie, we watched as Marcus' armies slew thousands. His revived legionnaires moved at a rate that ordinary, even older vampires could not match, and I was not sure how that had happened. They did not discriminate. They meted death with equal opportunity. Everyone who came before them perished and most certainly did not go gently into that night. Jasper squirmed in his seat itching to take part and cheering quietly when he saw a particular move or sword swing, thrust, or strike that he liked, and my, he was awfully vocal.

Emmett said "We need some popcorn and it'll be just like home," We nodded.

Then he had to ruin that perception with, "It's like the closest thing to porn Jasper will watch. He looks like a guy at an all night burlesque show." Esme cleared her throat and Emmett blustered, "I'm sorry, but it's true. Look at him." Emmett had spoken in Oscan at vampire pitch so Mother could not scold him for using the word 'porn' around my mate. Not that there was a word in that language, seeing as Emmett had to call it what roughly translated to, 'naked woman for sale for view.' But still.

After sacking a citadel in Transylvania, an interminable hour later, we stood in the Olympic National Park, surrounded by Marcus' entire army. I sniffed the air. I could smell smoke, see a distant fire, and hear the screams. Forks was burning, the reservation, too.

* * *

**Snarky Summary**

**The Cullens learn about the Telecles' habit of testing their members – not **_**those**_** members - in order to prove they belong. The nature of Bella's leap is officially changed by the spin doctors for political purposes. Rosalie gets Arria to admit that she had hoped to never use Bella as a leader due to that whole problem of her being a mortal female breeder and all. The philosophy of parenting is pondered. Esme gets in Marcus' face and says no one will be messing with her and Carlisle's daughter again. Go Esme! And Marcus seems to agree. Vivinna, too. A good time was had by all the Telecles clan with they rumbled in Romania. And they just returned to Forks to find it on fire. I mean, they planned on painting the town red, but yeesh.**

**Stay Tuned for our next episode of As Forks Burns**

Closing songs:

Heartache Tonight – The Eagles

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=-KnWazzc18U

Your Wildest Dreams - Moody Blues

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=kmmPFrkuPq0

Smoke gets in your eyes – the Platters

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=57tK6aQS_H0

**References:**

For more on the De' Medeci family: http://www (dot) historyworld (dot) net/wrldhis/PlainTextHistories (dot) asp?historyid=aa24

Emmett wasn't kidding when he asked about the Masai tribe from Africa. I loved studying them in school: http://www (dot) africancraftsmarket (dot) com/Maasai_people (dot) htm

The history of In Vitro Fertilization is more complicated than I initially conceived. Fun, too: http://www (dot) brown (dot) edu/Courses/BI0032/IVF/history (dot) html

Saint Lucy really is the patron saint of the blind: http://www (dot) catholic (dot) org/saints/saint (dot) php?saint_id=75

For more on the history of marriage: http://www (dot) psychologytoday (dot) com/articles/200505/marriage-history

Imagine 37 elephants crossing the alps and coming to knock on your door. Hannibal had a ball with elephants in battle. Seriously:

http://www (dot) boisestate (dot) edu/courses/westciv/Punicwar/07 (dot) shtml

I like to stare at this page from time to time. It is filled with examples of people who failed, but kept trying. Winston Churchill's quotation is on it:

http://www (dot) des (dot) emory (dot) edu/mfp/efficacynotgiveup (dot) html

For more on the social impacts of acne: http://www (dot) skincarephysicians (dot) com/acnenet/socimpct (dot) html

In included a nod to Dylan Thomas' poem with the 'gentle into the night' line: http://www (dot) poets (dot) org/viewmedia (dot) php/prmMID/15377  


* * *

**Bella wakes up next chapter. And Douglas comes back next chapter as well. Promise. If you review, he might be there longer.**

**This is the best picture of Douglas I've ever seen. Douglas agrees. And despite it being on photobucket, alas I did not take it.**

http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Douglasnutstwo (dot) jpg


	54. HOD pt 43 Fair Game

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Three – Fair Game, Rare Medium, Not So Well Done**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. ****No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this.**** But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**If you like harmless snark, please feel free to follow me on Twitter at bookishqua**

**Many thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. **

**Thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for betaing. ****This is the twentieth draft of this chapter - and they have, without complaint, looked at and edited, I think, three different versions. They are awesome, and I could not do this story without them. **

**Thanks to WTVOC for making my I heart Snark Avie. She spoils me so. She hangs out at ADifferentForest(dot)com. You should, too.**

**Shout outs to my muses: anniebme, cavriola, sariedee, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, pclo, Disney Vampire, antipyro, TwiSentinel, MnROSES, TwilightMomofTwo, M Logan, twifam1, Kristin Hazzard, Alicia ZA, Squarepancake, Fleuritup, jenejes, Msessa, Merrisol, Cindy Windy, sexysadie13, Kaydence, smiles, pomme_de_terre, TraceyJ, summerc79, JaJiTaXx, Rgwmnks, Rogue, Elphabacy35, fanficreader83, Rogue, blueschicka, redsoxlove, Emmettballeermine4evr, Robs_Muse, Cullen Concession, blue2185, nanny t, Notmyself, Malachite Flames, solenoidbelle, Lily Forth, Islan the Island, TheBrunetteDevil, Twi-hard-girl, Fitten, lovelifeX2, codelina, lady dragona, Mutt N. Feathers, avidreader69, Dawn Stimson, favludo, dellatwi, prettiflour, Treya, mamato, Momma Laurie, Purple Mad Dragon, Luv4edwardcullen, Angelbach, TheRavyn, jmolly, PJAustin, Cullen Pearl, Siouxchef, Iceangel7, and Mizra**

******AN: Sorry it took a while to get this up. Had a pesky virus - but am feeling better now. I'm giving you two chapters in one with this. Thanks for your support, for reading, and generally being amazing readers. You should know that all dialog that takes place between vampires in this chapter does so at vampire pitch and speed. And all movement is also at vampire speed - save for conversations with humans. They are in the cold and don't really want to be there too long. **

**Songs for this section:**

Lenny Welch – Since I fell for you

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=OBDfju1F76M&feature=related

The Platters – Smoke gets in your eyes

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=mOcU40jqToQ

Meet Grace in her true form:

http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/pterosaur-1 (dot) jpg

Douglas has missed you all!

**Snarky Summary:**

I'm so glad we had this time together, just to ….oh, sorry. My bad. So where were we? Last chapter Edward chomped at the bit as he saw his family take turns bitch slapping Arria in a new revolutionary form of tag-team Cullenary Coupling. And there was no group sex involved, thank you very much. Our dear Edward learned a bit more about the fine art of patience, thanks to Marcus' newfound desire to take a ruthless roadtrip through Romania. Edward had to all but sit on his hands when they attacked the monastery.

http://www (dot) artline (dot) ro/files/gItems/image/5/Monasteries-Tismana-Romania (dot) jpg

And then, after witnessing the Telecles family hacking apart that oh-so-surprised coven, and liberating their idiot relation who hung out with his kidnappers for a century or ten, one would think that would be a bold enough statement proclaiming their return to the snobs of the Vampverse. But no. Poor Edward, it's not enough that he is frantic at watching his poor little bottle cap wheeze, freaking at Jasper cheering the slaughter, and listening to Merrisol-the-newly-bitten-because-of-his-pointing-her-out-Canadian-school-teacher scream. No, despite all that growing up business he's been doing, our favorite 104 year old boy wonder STILL has to take out the trash. So says Marcus. Life is so unfair. And then you don't die. And then, Marcus had to go window shopping in Transylvania and raid this place on principle.

http://mw2 (dot) google (dot) com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/24846006 (dot) jpg

(For my Romanian readers, I do promise that I had Marcus attack your world heritage religious sites only in fiction. They weren't really hurt in the writing of this story. Much. Thanks for letting me metaphorically borrow them.)

It was a remarkable feat of self-control that Edward didn't blurt out, "Pardon me, but my not-speaking-to-me-for-the foreseeable-future bride is emitting phenomenal smelling blood every time she exhales. Further, her heart appears to be in distress. I'd rather her blood be inside her. Really. Would you mind terribly if we took her to a hospital in between hacking apart Romanian enclaves that will still be there tomorrow to kill? Pretty please?" See, the boy has learned something about the fine art of discretion and self-control in the past few months. *wipes away venom tear* But he still has a ways to go. Had he just said, "Her ovaries are dying!" I suspect he would have had everyone's undivided attention.

Things you need to know from past chapters to understand this one are as follows. The whole freaking story. Kidding. Not. You might find reading HOD pt. 21 and pt. 29 helpful. Leah kinda sorta had a major crush on Sam, got knocked up, engaged, and disengaged painfully due to that whole imprinting snafu. Her late cousins' last thoughts were of terror; as Leah misunderstood the situation and raged at Emily for cheating on her with Sam, sparking him to accidentally kill her cousins. When we last left Leah, she had not quite understood her role in that tragedy, and was most definitely of the opinion that Bella would be better off away from those vampires. And Sam is so off her Christmas card list.

Arria showed Edward a different vision of his nightmare of Bella running through the woods. In this one, Bella was considerably thinner, in fateful death vision attire, and being chased by her guards as she escaped to the reservation in Emmett's hot-wired jeep for a not-so-hot lunch date with Victoria. One of her goons - I mean guards - mentioned that they had better find Sergei to aid Bella. This disturbs Edward, as he has no such knowledge of any Sergei in or around Bella's life. (And there isn't a love triangle in this story involving Sergei, either.) We also saw that Grace helped Jacob, Seth, Arria, and Skeevy save Bella. Grace is asking that I convey to you that no one harms "sweet girl". She's taking names. Oh, and she scared the unlife out of a few vampires in manta ray form, but in her true form? Grace is even scarier. She is the Quileute legendary thunderbird who protects the tribe when summoned. More on that later.

The Cullens and Eleazar and Carmen traveled on their own to Italy wearing religious habits as disguises. Either that or they picked up a new fetish. Kidding. The rest of the vampires have been kind enough not to mock their peculiar taste in clothing, or their alleged fetish. In the beginning of HOD 38, Eleazar explained the Vivinna came from a blue-venomed line that was considered to be the royalist of them all, and that if her family survived – _and we now know her brother and nephew did _– that could change the power dynamic of the Vampverse. Vivinna's father, Eleazar said, was the closest thing the squabbling clans could agree upon who was worthy of being called king. Did I mention the Gorgon's Dad kinda-sorta made Machiavelli seem un-ambitious and misinformed, and Alexander the Great a simpleton? Oh, my bad. It raises the legitimate issue of _who_ is in charge, who could_ be_ in charge, and what the aforementioned who's might do in order to _ensure_ being in charge. Also, it makes the drooling pizza-faced Vel all sorts of scary now, and a target. Speaking of drooling…

Bella's dog was rescued from the evil clutch(es) of Phoenix, only to slink from this mortal coil in an appropriately dramatic fashion. Biting-the–Hand-that-Wheezes-For-You Bastard. So Edward went and cheated on Bella. Sorta. Edward, in an act of heroic so-not-animal-husbandry-self-sacrifice, locked lips with Genghis to save him on behalf of his battered befuddled little bottle cap. Seriously, that's probably the closest thing that man will get to action for the near distant future. Arria showed everyone a memory that had Bella and Charlie finding Paula's blood-splattered house sans the corpus directi, I mean delecti. Bella is totally not speaking to anyone. At all. Lips of steel, channeling that vampsickle from a few chapters back. Sort of. Rosalie diagnoses that Bella is suffering from trauma. Gee. Ya think? Can't sneak anything past that Rose now can we? Aside from the fact her big brother has been deeply traumatized for the past seven decades, and lying to the family. But still.

Right before Edward confessed that whole, "I totally faked loving you . . .*sniff* *sniff*," brouhaha, Bella had recently learned that Charlie and Renee had lied to her about that pesky head injury. She discovered that her Not-Really Grandparents and Fake-Great-Uncle had participated in the deception. The Cullens, after welcoming her into the family, promised they'd be back in three days. Methinks the girl is going to have trust issues. *sniff* *peers down nose through glasses.* Common sense says so. And seeing as during the time she was around Edward, Bella never once confronted Charlie or behaved rudely towards him for lying to her for 15 or so years? Edward and the Cullens are toast if they think she wants to have a chat with them, even when she can. And the Cullens have no idea about Edward confessing to that pesky plan of Jasper, oops, I mean the pesky perfidious _plans_ that Jasper, and Rosalie, and even he constructed to off his little bottle cap. Not that kind of off. Ew. Or the bug spray.

Jugurtha is tapping me on the shoulder. He has composed a haiku to explain his current advice to Main Edward regarding Bella's behavior:

Stay the patient course

Of little worth is your ire

Your bottle cap is mute.

Marcus was the paternal piper with the longest-grudgefest-of-them-all leading a merry crew around the wilds of Romania to chat and reconnect with old friends. He even had a roaring 'let's invite all the neighbors' bar-ba-que to celebrate old times. What a prince. And after a one thousand year separation, mere words cannot express his joy at being reunited with his long-dead-and-decapitated-possibly-dunce-like sons and his prized legions of doom. And the wife part. Seriously. So he had to go and celebrate by having a family night out playing board games of a different type to spread the word about their reuniting and raise a ruckus in a way that does not….never mind.

Arria is in the doghouse. Esme and Carlisle have made it clear that Bella is their daughter, and the pop quizzes by the Telecles clan are to cease and desist pronto. Marcus loses nothing by Carlisle's claim that "Our daughter cannot take more," Seeing as since Bella is married – ergo part of Carlisle's family, and evidently catatonic – Marcus' not fighting Carlisle's use of the word 'our' works fine for him. It appears like Marcus conceded something, when in fact, he did not. Don't think Carlisle doesn't know that. Watch that f….sucker. I technically can't call Marcus a fornicator-without-the-consent-of-the-king since he clearly has not had marital relations in a coon's age, which makes him totally beat Main Edward in the repressed category, manly parts down. I don't even want to contemplate the wild reunion monkey sex between Marcus and the Gorgon. Just think of the terror they could spawn if Vivinna decided to give IVF a go. Thank G(g)od(s) Marcus is sterile due to that whole "bite me" business that Caius started. On the neck. And the chest, too. But that was it. And neither one was aroused. Seriously. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But still.

Edward has been living in a delusional world for over seven decades, one he created as a response to that whole figuring that he really WAS a serial killer business and not a vamp-venger saving poor humans from evil men. So Edward scurried back a few weeks later to Carlisle and Esme, let them think he might possibly have almost slipped oh, once, and had lived as the perfect vampire son ever since. His siblings have no clue he ever killed a soul because Carlisle and Esme don't think it is anyone's business but Edward's. And since they never grilled Edward about it, they can't tell what they don't know. Edward in the beginning of the HOD arc had forgotten what the emotion "love" felt like. In the "Fine" chapter, Edward got his human memories back, and he most definitely understands that he loves the Cullens. Oops. And he also fervently believes with the fire of the newly converted that he loves Bella. Oops oops. He has said in the past that if the Cullens ever found out what he did, they'd ask him to leave, and he truly believed that if Bella really knew who he was, she'd never really love him. He felt she cared about the Dream Edward act that he used. So now he's totally screwed, metaphorically speaking, alas. His knee-jerk reaction is to make sure no one in his family knows about what he told Bella. Ever. And he has the engagement ring and locket in his pocket and plans on putting them back on Bella just as soon as he can get her alone and speaking. Preferably breathing without bleeding, too. With a normal heart rate. He doesn't want much. Pfft. Delusional dimwitted dunderhead.

When the whole crew manages to reach Washington State, thousands of hacked-to- pieces-and-sent-to-the-great-dustbowl-in-the-sky immortal corpses later, they arrive in the back country of the Olympic National Park to find the welcome wagon burning, well, part of it, during a snow storm. Realizing the need for speed, they begin to converse at that pesky supersonic vampire rate, which in my mind sounds like the Chipmunks on helium, but ten times as fast. And so we begin.

http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/forksburningdawn-1 (dot) jpg

* * *

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Three – Fair Game, Rare Medium, Not So Well Done**

The distant blaze belching black fumes contrasted to the pristine glacial air of Nature's majesty around us. Thick drifts of snow decorated the ground in loose powder, and the moon's luminescence revealed the pattern of crevices carved by the wind across its shining surface. Thanks to winter's kiss, the trunks of the trees in the forest to our right resembled white columns from a Greek temple. And the small Douglas Firs to the left appeared like trussed captives, silver boughs weighed down by the bondage of the snow.

We stood in the rugged part of the Olympic National Park with nary a human except the ones we brought with us around. I marveled at the stealth abilities of the lost covens. Golden eagles, orange-crowned warblers, western bluebirds, Roosevelt elk, and evening grosbeaks were all in the area and oblivious to our presence. The fire had not touched the forest. Douglas, when I searched to ensure his welfare, was minding his own business in his tree with his mate. Never mind. My apologies.

Jasper thought, "_Edward looks mortified, feels it, too_," as he called out to me privately, "_Hang in there, Edward. You are doing so much better_." He blocked his thoughts and pointed to the left, "We have some supplies stored up in that tree over there. I think the twins, Merrisol, and Bella all would benefit from them."

My tactician brother added, "Edward, I'm sure you would have included something for Bella. Do you have supplies nearby?"

I wondered if I should be offended that he had guessed correctly, grateful that his words offered me an opportunity to save face, or complimented that he took into account my consideration in regards to all things involving my Bella. Yet, I had packed supplies for the family, too. To do otherwise would have been thoughtless. Since we had sedated her with a strong enough dose to knock her sideways, I held my dear little mute one's unresisting form in my guilty-as-sin arms. The drugs, not my abilities, had left her in a half-drowsing state. It took every reserve of willpower I possessed not to leave my family behind and sprint for the house to run every medical test I could think of on her. Twice.

"One thing at a time, grasshopper. You need those supplies from the tree, first. Bella is not dressed for this weather," Jugurtha cautioned.

I answered my sibling, "Yes, two trees to the left. I stored extra supplies for all of us." I did not have to add, "Please hurry," as we could all see her body temperature fall, accompanied by the visual reminder of the frozen clouds that emerged with each breath she exhaled.

Emmett handed his son to Mother and attempted not to laugh, using a vampire speed half-grin aimed at me instead, "Knowing your attention to detail, OCDWard, this should be good. I'll get it." To the outsiders, he appeared the perfect teasing brother. Internally, he couldn't believe I hadn't started barking orders about Bella's medical treatment, or pitched a hissy fit at the amount of time that had passed as she lay silently and stared blankly into space.

I'd like to think Emmett ran so fast to escape my burgeoning wrath at his newest insulting nickname. In truth, he was more afraid of Mother and Father. Sigh. Mother and Father might be able to make Emmett feel like the Earth might swallow him while administering a tongue-lashing. But I and I alone, could do it in truth. What did it take to earn some respect from this family? And my perfectly reasonable behavior did not manifest the symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder. Some people were envious of my ability to think and plan for every occasion. I could not help it if I possess a vivid imagination.

Three soldiers trailed behind as Emmet sprinted. Now my perfectly-able-to-take-care-of- himself brother required company to climb an icy tree or three. That was going to amuse him to no end at first. He dashed up the broad trunk with his feet like a runner and then used his arms to scurry like King Kong to the area where we had secreted an emergency stash. His companions were not experienced in climbing ice-coated branches, although they learned quickly. Including mine, there were three other trees similarly adorned. They returned with four bulging backpacks.

Jasper took the one I had provisioned from Emmett, and whistled. "This is heavy. What's in it that we can use?"

He studiously ignored the frosted smoke that emerged from my mouth. Our kind did not require respiration – except me when my heart beat. And although we did, if we elected to breathe in cold temperatures such as these, produce frozen vapor, the venom in our system did not create as much condensation as humans did. So every vampire stared with morbid fascination at Bella and me, listening to the noise of our Jeckyl and Hyde heartbeats. And hang it all, I could not help it if I had larger clouds of air emitting from me than ordinary vampires. Now, even my breathing was the subject of scrutiny.

Metaphorically undying of curiosity, Emmett wondered what I could possibly have packed that was that large, aside from medical supplies. I ignored that unspoken jest about a portable CAT scan. There was no way to hang one from a tree. And the two I had purchased had not stood up to my tests of the elements. How ridiculous.

Months ago, to avoid arousing the attention of nosy passersby in Forks, I had utilized the Internet, to equip my family in the event of an emergency that required we take a human with us. The nice salesperson from REI had been only too happy to sell me their mountain hardware tango four tent for a paltry sum of $750.00. A two person shelter had seemed improper.

Jasper whistled, "Good tent choice, Edward. What else do you have?" He continued to burrow through the bag.

Jasper removed two white sleeping bags: U.S. Army issue. The U.S. Army Research Institute would never miss a sleeping bag or two of their latest invention to provide warmth for their soldiers. If their contemporary technology, about which I had personally read the research reports, was good enough for them, it was good enough for my Bella. And, I hated to admit it, but I now felt the cold. I had packed the extra bag, just in case I had to pretend to _be_ human for my human. Ironically, in my inhumanity, I now really required its use. Thermal undergarments, sweaters, and woolen socks had never been more welcome.

Shaking his head my brother proclaimed, "I don't _even_ want to know how you acquired this, seeing as I've never heard of it."

Father stared, which made me shift from foot to foot. What was wrong with a little bribery of a federally employed scientist or five? Yeesh. And how was he helping me look good in front of an audience by implying I was a thief? Ten years from now, you would be able to easily purchase the bag at any surplus store. I had merely sped the clock up a bit with honest commerce.

"I paid good coin for them," I spluttered, "I only wanted the best for Bella."

"_Then why did you need two?"_ Emmett thought to me, genuinely curious. This notion was followed by a long pause and an appalled, _"Oh man, geez, Eddie please tell me you aren't feeling the cold when your heart beats."_

The white fabric of the bags became the focus of my scrutiny, and I made no response. He called me Eddie, and my given name was _not_ Eddie. At the sound of that hated nickname, a vivid human memory of me socking a school yard bully for calling me that moniker flittered into view behind my closed eyelids.

"_Buddy, I'm sorry."_ Emmett sounded sincere, and I shrugged my shoulders infinitesimally, and examined the frozen forest. I did not deserve his kindness or pity, not when I could hear every whimper and wail from that poor school teacher, Merrisol. And not when my poor bride did not so much as even drool as she wilted in my embrace . . .

Mother waded into the fray with a glint in her eye towards my siblings, as the same notion raced through all of their minds, "I'm sure you did, dear. My goodness Edward, how thoughtful of you to include water bottles and a first aid kit. Since we need to go into town to inquire about the fire, I think you would blend in better if you changed into that outfit. We'll change our clothing as well." I had the greatest vampire mother of them all. She covered for my immortal frailties. And attempted to make excuses for me. Not that it would work, as I was attired in clothing similar to the other soldiers.

Marcus said, "This would be a good plan if we encounter humans. Our odd dress can be explained away." With a sword strike or two. "Yours would be more difficult. Your Mother is wise."

Moving at vampire velocity, the Fake Canadians handily erected the tent, and only the tent, while I watched Jasper unpack the rest of the bag. Helpfully, he draped a clean outfit of clothing across my shoulders, "Why don't you go see to Bella's welfare and change?" I turned and entered the tent, carrying my bride over the thresh hold.

The world as I knew it had just ended. Jasper had actually suggested I disrobe in front of my child-bride. I'd never bothered to explain my extended abilities to my family – letting them think the ones I admitted to were merely Grace communicating with me. Therefore, since I had my back to them I definitely did not see Mary Alice sign to Emmett that he was going to spook me if he did not stop pestering me with questions and couldn't he see how fragile I was?

And I most certainly did not see Rosalie hand her daughter to Carmen to sign at vampire speed that the family needed to keep a close eye on both of us and that I had clearly experienced some kind of psychotic break. They kept their thoughts to mundane things like the trees and the glowing clouds. But they couldn't fool me. I could not have them thinking I was insane. They'd try to keep me from Bella. And I could not have that, either.

Jugurtha pondered me, cupping his chin in his hand. "I think this actually plays in your favor."

"Insane people are not allowed to play with sharp objects. They are not left in peace to plot. I wanted to take her back to my house so she could recover in peace and serenity."

"You don't need sharp objects. You're remembering your mortal glory days of being a fencer and feeling naked without a blade. We've shown over and over again that we do not need a blade to take a life, mortal or immortal. And you have two handy birds that would most assuredly defend you if your back was against a wall." Fine. That was totally true.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "There is no way our immortal family will permit us to take our dear little one away. She's too ill. And they are too worried about us."

"There are clothes toward the middle that you might find useful," I called over my shoulder to my brothers. My family stayed away and ostensibly offered me privacy, while moving hands at blinding rates of speed. With all due care, I placed Bella on the cold hard ground and slipped her wrapped body inside the insulated sleeping bag. She always went to sleep on her left side, so I arranged her, careful of her wounded shoulder, with trembling hands. She lay there like shards of shattered glass, and I had no idea where to even begin to repair the damage. I only knew I had to.

Jugurtha cautioned, "Your body temperature is dropping. You must change into warmer attire."

I kept my back to Bella, a useless gesture; because she faced the opposite direction, and stared blankly at the tent wall the entire time, I'm sorry to say. This was our wedding night. And this _most definitely_ had not been one of my fantasies about it – dragging my beloved from battle to battle while delaying her medical attention. Also, I had not imagined removing my clothing before my bride for the first time in such piteous circumstances. Truth be told, I hadn't envisioned that part at all, I had focused solely on removing _her_ clothing. Lovingly. Longingly. As quickly as I possibly could without tearing them from her like a marauding beast, and sending her screaming from my side with bruised flesh and broken bones. But still. Bella coughed as I removed what passed for a shirt and dropped it to the floor. I spun around at the sound as I smelled more traces of her blood. Forget keeping my back to her. I watched her like a hawk as I pulled the thermal undershirt over me. I must have made an error, because this appeared to be baggy. The shirt too. And the pants only fit because I had a thick pair of thermal undergarments adding bulk along with a good leather belt. Simply seeing her there, I tried to look on the bright side. She lived. And she was mine. Marcus said so.

How curious that out of all things in my miserable world, a simple smell designed by Nature for me had sprung a love so sacred and pure. As soon as I finished zipping the insulated coat I donned, I crouched in my stocking feet by her side like a gargoyle, condemned to watch from the rafters but never speak.

So I used a wee bit of that ability to create a ring around the two of us, and had the good sense to warn Father so he and the family would not become distressed when the sound of Bella's and my heartbeats simply vanished. I knew I couldn't tarry, as I studied her. She looked exhausted, with purple shadows under her empty eyes.

"Bella, I apologize that you had to endure the past eight months. I'm sorry you had to see that butchery in the throne room, that you inherited the coldest mother-daughter duo on the planet as grasping relatives," the words stumbled and flailed from my serpent's tongue, "I am so very sorry that I did not appreciate you sooner. I thought I knew everything, more fool I." The silence that used to be so comfortable stretched out painfully as I stroked her cheekbone, too craven to look her in the eye.

I would never understand why the simple act of holding her in my arms took away my pain and gave me strength. But it did. Selfishly, I needed to touch her, to have her against me if only for a few moments, to remind me of what I fought for – and possibly keep my head on my shoulders. I curled up next to her and pulled her against me.

It felt so strange, her being all bundled up in a sleeping bag, and gracious, the ground felt bitterly cold. "Somehow, Bella, I _will_ find a way to make this right." I trailed a finger along her skull running it through her tresses. "I know my word is not worth a fig to you, but I offer it regardless. I swear on both of my Mothers that I will do my best to win your trust. I swear I will spend every second God gives me showing you my regard, and protecting you from harm."

"Ahem," Starched Shirt Edward said, impatiently tapping his foot.

"What could you possibly want at this precise moment?"

"Forks is burning. Now that you have seen to her comfort, we must stop it."

Forks could burn to the last matchstick for all I cared. Quality Bella Time, on the other hand, truly was irreplaceable. Then I remembered my human Father giving me his pocket watch and telling me that I was now a man with honor. I suppose with my current priorities, it only proved how much I had fallen. I did not want to leave the tent, which made me a treaty-breaking bastard. Marcus had enough troops. They did not need me.

"You're not even remotely scary, Edward Cullen." I heard her dulcet tones and joyfully leaned over her. My voice cracked, "Bella?"

For a flicker of time, our eyes locked. And then it seemed as if she and I were hanging on the edge of a cliff, me holding onto her hand pulling her to safety. Inexplicably, she simply let go of mine. Bella's eyes once again became sightless.

Staring at her micro-expressions, I had seen brief recognition and then absolutely nothing. I pressed my forehead to hers, fruitless tears dropping on her face as I remembered the last time I had really seen her fall and perish, before I regained control. I was never letting her near a cliff again. Ever. Heck, I wasn't letting her near a stepping stool. We were going to have to move to a single story house.

"She said that phrase to us, months ago, right before we went to sleep. She's not quite back," solemn Jugurtha said.

I used my shirt sleeve to dab at her face, carefully cleaning it of the tangible signs of my weakness.

"Bella, please come back. I'll do anything. Please."

Even to me that sounded piteous. So I tried to look upon the bright side. There. Like the gentleman my human Parents raised me to be, I had sincerely and heartfully apologized. Again. In private, to preserve my neck and her reputation. And by Bella's silence, I interpreted that to mean that I was forgiven. She did not glare at me once. Hearing approaching feet, I lowered the shield, reluctantly rolled away from her. The second I lost contact, the pounding began at my temples. And at wolfpyre speed, I began lacing my shoes, the picture of innocence.

I turned, and Skeevy carried writhing-like-Medusa's-hair Merrisol inside the tent, apologizing for interrupting. The sight of her only encouraged me to don my boots faster. Besides, we had another audience of sorts.

Arria's soldiers gathered around and marveled over the tent's construction, which drew the fascinated attention of the legionnaires. As I passed through the egress and returned to my backpack, I realized I now had a fan club simply because I possessed the ability to think ahead. Mother, Mary Alice, Rosalie and Carmen entered the tent to change, shooing out a reluctant Skeevy.

The rest of the family went to the forest and used the screen of the trees to change - seeing as dressing like clergy in Forks might raise an eyebrow or ninety. Understandably, my veteran of the Southern Wars sibling had not wanted the other immortals to see all those venom scars that covered his frame, so disrobing out of sight had been fine by him.

When he walked from the forest, he took one look at me as I stood by our rucksacks and frowned. As did the rest of my family.

"Edward," Mother said, "You . . . you . . . "

Father took over for her, "Son, how long did you go without nourishment?"

"I do not know."

Jasper rustled through one of the packs left by the family and took out a pair of pants that were clearly his size. He might have been taller than me, but he also had a wiry frame, and smaller waist size. "Edward, go in the woods and change into these."

"The pants I have on are fine."

"You can't fight if they fall around your ankles, boyo. All the enemy has to do is cut your belt to distract you."

Jugurtha weighed in on the issue, "He's right and arguing with your brother only hurts your cause. They are very upset. Humor them. This is not a battle worth fighting."

"Thank you, Jasper." I took the attire from him as I passed and pretended that I did not have hundreds of thousands of gobsmacked immortals pondering how long they could have gone without nourishment and thinking that real vampires did not lose weight.

Aro pondered the peculiarity of that notion, considering he had plenty of data to support it, having starved more than a vampire or ten in the bowels of the crypts in Italy.

My family frantically signed how they had knew all along that I was weak and had looked awful and so forth and so on. Wonderful. Even after the indignity of being cleaned and shorn by the Gorgon, I still managed to appall my relations. Father and Arria had a painfully obvious discussion for all to hear in Oscan about the calorie count of the sludge the Fake Canadians relied upon for nutrition. For now, they decided I would be gorging on both. And a group of the Fake Canadians at Arria's direction ran out into the wilderness and entertained me greatly by chasing after a startled Elk or five. They returned with all of them still alive. This brought entirely new meaning to the term competitive eating.

"Ignore the cretins," Starched Shirt Edward said, "Dress faster." Right. I returned to stand by Mother, who wordlessly took the clothing from me and began folding it. She placed it back in one of their packs.

"You look better, dear. And I want you to go have a quick snack. Our friends at Arria's coven were kind enough to fetch these for you."

We both ignored that I had to cuff the pants to make up for the length problem, Jasper being several inches taller than me. They needed to have their attention diverted and I knew just what would do it.

Skeevy gave me a large flagon of that godawful brew. I drank it as politely as I could, seeing as I had an avid audience. And then I did the vegetarian vampire walk of shame by sauntering over to the wriggling wildlife and acting as if I did not have a care in the world.

The boorish one held the largest and gave me the wary eye. He thought at me with a tone of 'this is what you deserve' thrown in on the side, _"If you don't mind me saying so, you look pathetic."_

"_Oh I agree with you completely."_ I answered. His bewildered expression egged me on. The devil made me do it.

I moved so fast, he didn't have time to blink, as I snatched the elk from his hands, snapped its neck with a practiced gesture, and drank as quickly and might I add, politely, as I could. Which was considerably faster than he could move. With every pull of blood I took in at a supersonic speed, I prayed to the Quileute spirits to give me strength to show this bloodsucker a lesson. For good old time's sake, they decided to assist, even though one or forty of them told me the last time they had seen me in the area I had behaved like a jerk. But I was their jerk. So they'd help. And they also realized since they knew I never ate in front of an audience that helping me would also be punishing me as well, that made them all the more eager. Carlisle and Jacob Black were the only two beings I had permitted to watch me drink blood from an animal. As I moved from sample to sample, after the last drop had been drained, I placed the body as delicately as I could at the feet of the immortal and thanked him graciously. And then I moved on and did it again. When I was finished frightening the fifth Fake Canadian, the spirits made the Earth rumble and moan. It appeared like the old growth trees with their massive trunks shook off some snow and reached out and inhaled the corpses. They disappeared within like a person thrown into a pond of water. And they, not I, decided to make it look like sets of ghostly green branches pulled the elks into the tree, cackling with glee.

"Jesus-something I will not repeat-Christ," Emmett breathed, as the five guards said the equivalent of "By Jupiter's thunderbolt," or "By Athena's Owl," in filthier language. Affecting boredom, and trying to look manly about it, I wiped my mouth with a handkerchief. And Jasper might have decided to get in on the joke by amping up their fear just a wee bit. Not enough for the others to notice. But I appreciated the gesture.

The boorish one quickly regained his composure. It's not like I would kill him in front of an audience, seeing as I was a malnourished weakling and all.

"_If I did this malnourished, and wrecked such havoc so handily at the headquarters of the Volturi, just think of what I can accomplish when fed."_

Since public humiliation would gain me nothing, I stopped the lesson at that nodded at them in thanks and returned to my family of the blank faces. Arria almost cracked a smile. Marcus and Vivinna managed to maintain slightly curious expressions and a stone cold calm demeanor.

"The tree was a nice touch," Marcus praised.

Jugurtha laughed and said, "We cannot touch the boorish one because he protected our dear little one. We can drive him insane by acting scrupulously polite at all times and thank him graciously in public at an appropriate time for guarding Bella. I'll have to think of the perfect gift for him and the others." I was glad Jugurtha worked for me. "Pay attention to your family now or they will continue to think you lacking in wits." Oh. Good idea.

Father said to my mind, _"Edward, I want you feeding every three hours. Five deer or elk. And a large flagon of algae every hour."_

"_I do not know that I can ever gain the weight back Father. Did you lose weight when you. . . ."_ I did not like asking him about his newborn days. He had told me that he had attempted to starve himself.

"_No I did not. That is why I am concerned. Nothing about you these days is normal, son."_ He said that with a kind voice. I did not respond because his words were accurate.

I brought a beatific smile to Jasper's face when I withdrew two laptop computers, encased in plastic and insulated containers to protect them from the elements. "I assume these are already loaded with software and capable of accessing the Internet?"

"Of course."

"Way to go, Edward!"

I retrieved a package that held eight cell phones with extra batteries. The model that I had selected for Bella went right back into the sack. Many on looking legionnaires were confused as they watched my family begin to program their phones. Jasper admired my selection in technology as the phones I had included had been better than the ones that he had packed in the other caches.

Marcus said to the legionnaires, "This is a box that allows humans to speak to each other across distances. That," he pointed at the computers, "is what scribes use. And most everyone knows how to write in this time."

Last came money, credit cards, and forged passports which the Telecles clan and the Fake Canadians most definitely did not need to see should we need to make a hasty exit. They vanished into Father's pockets. The clothes that Jane had provided for my dear little Grandmaster were adequate, but not for cold weather of this nature.

Thank goodness the spirits had consented to quieting Merrisol's screams so that only Father and I could hear them, they would have echoed off the mountains.

"No they wouldn't. Remember the Lost Covens have some way of hiding their scent and sound," Jugurtha corrected me.

"You put considerable thought into this, Edward," Mary Alice praised, "I think we might be able to use a pair of the pants you saved for me on Bella." The soul of discretion, my sibling left unspoken that although Bella stood several inches taller, Mary Alice currently outweighed my dear little wasted-away one. The snow pants I had included had a drawstring waist, my sister showed me. Morosely, I conceded her point.

"The knee high winter boots were brilliant, because the hemline won't matter, Edward. We won't need to undress her. We'll simply add more clothing."

Arria took the remainder of the attire that I had packed for Bella. She and Mother arrived at some kind of mental truce as they both entered the tent to aid their daughter. My mate, did not struggle as much this time when they dressed her.

Arria said to Mother, "The clothing is suitable."

Politely, Mother responded, "Thank you, Arria. I did not buy these. Edward did all on his own." Vampires doing double-takes astounded me every time, especially when they were high born aristocrats who affected that nothing in the world deserved their semi-precious notice.

"Her hands are white, and look like my mother's." Arria complained, holding one delicately. She stilled as Bella wrapped her fingers around her own.

"Not for long," Mother consoled her, "It's how humans react when they are cold. Edward bought goose down gloves for her," Mother handed one to Aria and placed the other on Bella's hand, "And a hat."

She held out the balaclava I had purchased in the only color the merchant offered: black. Mother had never seen them worn in person. _I always see the terrorists in those films that Emmett and Jasper watch wearing these, I don't know that it will keep her warm. _She put it aside as they cautiously wrapped my little Grandmaster in the blankets with the batteries and then put her inside the sleeping bag, new coat, boots, gloves, and all. The sleeping twins went into the other one wrapped in sweaters and coats. Merrisol, although she kept up her screaming, had ceased thrashing about for now, so we left her inside the tent with Carmen watching over her transformation. Eleazar and his mate were delighted because I had thought to pack a set of clothes for them as well. And they thought it sweet that I had included provisions for the curiously absent Denali sisters. And the newborns. Although putting all of them in a room with thousands of soldiers . . . I shuddered at the chaos that would ensue.

I asked Father, "Where are the Denali sisters? And the newborns? And Peter and Charlotte?"

"They are currently resting and recovering. A few of them were wounded and need time to heal – nothing permanent, Edward. We left them with Arria's people."

A whooshing noise from miles away caught us all off guard as a gasoline station exploded sending the greedy flames soaring into the snowflakes.

As we took in the view of the fire raging in the distance to the west, I gleaned from Marcus' thoughts of an entirely other raging inferno. He already had Demetri set up in another tent retrieved from my family's supply. Demetri searched through computer files frantically scouring for any relative left alive that could be linked to Bella or Mary Alice.

"_Jasper is phenomenal with a computer,"_ I thought to Marcus.

Becoming the focus of his regard made me belatedly appreciate my intrusiveness. I might be able to read minds, but perhaps I should have asked for permission before clomping into his with the silence of a Clydesdale. Marcus noted my hesitation and answered in kind, "_An excellent suggestion."_

Marcus said aloud, "The second I declared Mary Alice and Bella as family all their relatives that are human became targets. We have to find as many as we can that are alive. Jasper, I'm told you are good with finding people."

Jasper stood up straighter at the request. He already had the computer tucked under his arm.

Vivinna said, "Most of it we already accomplished Marcus. Arria has been working on it for months." That implied that she had known all along that Mary Alice was related and had never bothered to share such knowledge. Which was so typical.

"Thank you for your foresight, Vivinna," Marcus' voice held warmth as he smiled, genuinely smiled at his mate. And eight milliseconds later, his face returned to its regular demeanor.

No fool he, Jasper did not feel like trusting his newfound Whatever-in-law and gave his wife a glance. She nodded in Cullen body-language agreement.

Demetri's fingers tapped away at his laptop. He had been joined by minions, some utilizing computers, others jabbering in cell phones in a Tower of Babel cacophony.

Mary Alice walked a good distance away from me, accompanied by her husband. She cast her gift out to the winds and returned with a stiff carriage, "I see a group attacking a house full of mortals, though, and I'm not sure why. I do not see any sign of immortals wearing your tattoo."

Vivinna hesitated, "Could you draw their faces?" None of the relatives that her soldiers had found had been her missing son, Rasce.

"As soon as I have supplies, I'd be happy to," Mary Alice answered. She refrained from asking if any of her relatives had been found because she was too busy seething that they had apparently had information about her all along and had not shared.

Jasper had no such problem, "My wife had a sister. Did you find any trace of her?"

Vivinna slowly answered. "We found her grave. And that of your brother and parents."

Mary Alice asked, "Do you know if my sister had children?"

"No." My sister's face fell, "That does not mean she did not." Vivinna said, "Knowing of your gift we brought their bones to see if you could use them." Ew. Two men emerged from the crowd at her wave carrying a wooden chest.

My sister managed to hold onto her composure only due to the direct application of a considerable dose of Jasper's gift. The idea that they would desecrate her human family's graves was disgusting, and, of course, brilliant. Even Jasper thought so.

Aro decided to offer his aid in calming my sister. Not that she needed it. He said, "May I see your vision, dear Alice? Perhaps I can be of assistance."

During my mortal life, I might not have grown up with a sister, but I had always wanted one, seeing how Horatio St. James, my human best friend, had interacted with his. And I most assuredly had not been a good sibling to Mary Alice, who had kept my secrets to my shock. So I wanted to return the favor. And in the name of fraternal love, the second her skin made contact with Aro, I sent her vision to play in his mind in an endless loop. Then, like any good brother would, I blocked off portions of her mind that were none of his business. Like, the rest of it. I'd never endeavored to accomplish that before. It sounded like something the Quileute spirits would agree to, guarding the privacy of my family from greedy beings. Mary Alice stared straight ahead and never gave a sign as she felt the wolf power's touch on her mind. Aro slowly withdrew his hand back from hers, befuddled like a small child told, _'No'_ for the first time.

Jasper benignly said, _"What are you doing to my wife?"_

That mild tone did not fool me for a second, _"Blocking all but the vision from Aro. I thought you would appreciate the privacy."_

My sister's history was private, and meant to stay that way. Someone had to stand up to Aro for his 'give a moment, take entire decades' approach to frolicking through people's minds. Which was wrong. And something I dearly wished I could do. And I most definitely did not want Aro having access to any of my conversations with Alice. So there. A two for one win.

"_Brilliant!" _Jasper showed no outward sign of his approval, and managed to keep a rein on those emo-abilities. I couldn't have Aro seeing Jasper confessing his involvement in the Southern Wars, either. Marcus might have offered him amnesty a little while ago, but I knew Jasper would not want others to know the particulars of his life back then.

Aro said, "The streets resemble those of Munich, and the immortals in her vision are a nasty lot from Scotland, who seem to think they have a claim to rightfully lead."

Marcus took the vision and sent it to a group selected by Skeevy. "Find these humans, and bring them unharmed to me. Kill those immortals." They left and blinked out of the Park. I had not figured out how they did that and it was, for the record, driving me insane as it looked completely chilling seeing people simply vanish before my eyes. And the mere idea that Aro could have access to things like that unfortunate incident of inadvertent venom leakage. I shuddered. I was going to have to find a way to permanently block Mary Alice's mind from that weasel. Knowing him, he'd leap upon her the first opportunity he saw. Aro might have been polite, but deep down inside he was addicted to wanting to know everything about everyone. The smart immortal version of Mrs. Stanley. Jasper appeared to have figured this out, which offered me small comfort.

Father's voice interrupted my rant concerning my, I mean _my sister's_ privacy, "Marcus, if you permit me to gather DNA samples, I might be able to discover how Mary Alice is related to you all."

Vivinna said, "I do not understand. What do you want to do with the bones?"

Why, if she did not know who Satan was, would she understand Watson and Crick's ground-breaking research in human chromosomes? My poor Grandmother-in-law was socially stunted in modern times. And I suspected a lecture on DNA from my Father, since slaughter and political machinations were not involved, would bore her.

He explained, "Oh, I'll study those, too. First I would need to take some of your venom and test it. Think of it like another way of identifying relatives without using scent or powers." He hesitated.

"_Edward please construct a barrier like you did earlier that affords us privacy."_

My head and entire body already hurt from my past efforts and recent ones exercising new abilities regarding Mary Alice.

Jugurtha noted, "Over the past few days, you tapped into powers you never realized you had. And it has made you stronger, but you require time to recover. Eating helps. But you need to sleep with Bella." Not that kind of sleep.

"That is one resource we do not have," bleakly, I responded while staring at the fire. Time. But you could add sleeping with my wife to that list. Life was so unfair.

Marcus put his arm around my shoulder like one would to his own child. I only just managed not to stiffen like the startled-into-silence idiot that I was. _"You must be tired, and I suspect your Father wants another barrier. Let me aid you."_

His gift mixed with mine made the shield function and his arm kept me from falling to the ground. But he could not offer the succor I gained from Bella.

Father baldly asked Marcus, "What measures are you willing to take to ensure the safety of Bella and Alice?"

"How are they threatened beyond the political means?" Emmett asked.

Curious, I gazed over at Marcus because I wanted to know the answer to that as well. There was no limit to the number of immortals I was willing to put aside my pristine principles to decimate on behalf of my sister and mate.

Father explicated to the family, "Aro and Caius have been funding research for generations seeking to find a way for vampires to reproduce. Other immortals have tried to appropriate that data for centuries."

Mother inquired, "What about the legend of the incubus?"

Forlornly, drooping like a wilted plant, Aro sulked, "Unfortunately, my experiments with hybrids have all failed. They have abnormal growth rates, short life spans, and they cannot reproduce. Most could barely speak."

"Why you?" Jasper asked Marcus.

Marcus recounted, "When I was but a child, a drunken seer pronounced at a feast that the Telecles line would produce great vampires, and change the world forever. The man promptly fell to the ground dead."

Based on the gory spectacle that Marcus revealed to us, I suspect the man had tuberculosis - a disease that had mercilessly claimed victims from King Tutkankhamen to Chopin. After his dramatic declaration before a silent as a tomb chamber, the poor soul had expired spewing fountains of blood.

How inconvenient. Dramatic, too.

Jugurtha mused, "What an exit! The spectacular gore and dropping dead part after the announcement is what made people start talking, I would bet. I can envision people whispering over fires ages ago that the gods killed the seer for speaking out of turn."

"Because of that prophecy," Marcus voice took on a bitter edge, "my brothers were assassinated one by one. My sisters both died in childbed along with their babes. Their living children were put to the sword." What Marcus had done in response to each incident had been ghastly, each deed more pronounced than the next. "And after Vivinna and I married, our children became targets. We did everything we could to protect them, and I grew overconfident that my reprisals had sent the appropriate message. We paid a dear price when we failed to protect our family."

Despite the sacrifice of a thousand years, some of Marcus and Vivinna's children remained dead. I was not sure why he was able to bring back his four sons, and thought it imprudent to inquire. And I avoided staring at those newly born ones that stood off to the side included in the circle and watching like foxes, silent as the grave.

Father's face was grim, "Arria, Mary Alice, and Bella could be snatched and put into breeding programs by any immortal with enough power."

"IVF is common these days," Father added, "It cannot be a simple manner when performed on vampires, because I have never heard of any other immortal using the procedure to have a human child."

"We tried for decades to make it work without success," Aro said.

"Genevieve mentioned that the procedure was complicated. I saved her records," Arria continued to pull out tricks from her sleeve, "And I told no one but my cousin." She could have exponentially increased her coven's size had she used the knowledge.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Not without risking Bella."

Marcus insisted, "You acted in Bella's best interest."

I seriously doubted she regretted for a second not giving that knowledge to anyone else in her own coven, much less the others.

Marcus insisted, "Arria has done an excellent job protecting herself. And Vivinna will not be leaving my side. I will not have my family trifled with by any immortal, and I do not make the same mistake twice. Bella and Mary Alice will be guarded forever. We can undo the shield now."

Together, we tore down the barrier, and I stepped to the side away from Marcus' grasp.

My gracious, Marcus seemed to mean those words. Arria almost smiled at the praise. I noticed that Marcus had not complimented his daughter on her ability to currently protect Bella. Could he add a puny ignominious bastard to that list of people he wanted to annihilate seeing as he was so efficient at it?

Starched Shirt Edward yelled from his prayer bench, "No more trying to kill yourself!"

Duly inspired by the clueless quibbler, I said to Jugurtha, "Well, it's time for Billy Black to have a convenient accident. Pencil it in to our schedule."

The leather bound book remained closed in his hand. "No. He'll suffer more living."

"True." Drat.

The thought of anyone coming after Bella, especially in the shape she was in, concerned me, Mary Alice, as well. Marcus was right, Arria could look after herself. Anyone who kidnapped her would need a copy of _The Ransom of Red Chief_. It might assist them seeing kidnappers tormented by their alleged victim. And the King James edition of the Bible couldn't hurt.

I wondered why Jasper's eyes flickered to the tent every few seconds. His thoughts seemed to be occupied with the human children that Emmett and Rosalie had adopted. Jasper's mind drifted to the haunting last words of his late wife, as she had declared that she had given birth to a daughter. I had looked all over his old homestead. Her family's, too. And every graveyard in the area. But I had found no trace of their child.

Jugurtha said, "Give it to him."

Starched Shirt Edward blinked, "Give what? To whom?"

They had not made sense at the time, Victoria's tangled thoughts, but I had found a few glimpses of Jasper's child. I feared if I showed it to him, it would only hurt him more.

"That's his choice, not yours. And he is stronger than you give him credit. Offer it to him privately. We have to build up good will." Right. That.

"_Jasper?"_ His mind had drifted to wondering what children with Mary Alice would look like. _"I can show you Annie's thoughts. They were jumbled and might mean something to you. I think I have an image of your child."_

Calling upon the spirits I leaned against my brother as I sent him all the curious ramblings that his late wife had mused. One image stood out more than any other, a small child, and a young woman. They seemed to be the same person. She had Jasper's hair, dimples, and her mother's eyes. And no name. But Victoria's thoughts had indicated she had loved her.

Jasper took in the images like a starving man given a feast. I studiously refused to read his mind. It was his business. I owed him privacy. Something jerked my shoulder. Oh. Jasper. _"Thank you. Heads up. The terrible twins approach."_

Jane obtained my undivided attention by the sheer act of walking and standing beside me as if taking in the view of the fire, one I knew she instinctively hated. Her brother Alec took position on her left. Jasper stilled, and watched them both like prey. Privately, Alec said to me, _"Aro is deeply distressed at your human's condition. Marcus is beside himself with worry for her. Considering he hasn't shown a flicker of emotion in over a thousand years, that should tell you something." _I was not sure why he felt the need to explain the painfully obvious to me. I was not stupid. And Marcus did not seem beside himself over anything except battle.

Jane chimed in, "O_ne last thing, cousin. If you leave her again to suffer like that, you self-righteous prig, you better hope I get to you before Marcus does."_

She surreptitiously zapped me slightly with her gift for emphasis - just enough to remind me of what she could do. The harpy aimed all of her power at a certain delicate part of my anatomy, one that I could not mention in front of polite company due to my proper breeding and all. A part I wanted to be able to use with my mate at some point in the future. Repeatedly. Religiously. Reverently. Not that Jane's blast actually hit it –er me, because I had shields. Huge ones. That worked. The mere idea revolted me and sparked my consternation.

Jane apparently didn't care that I had nearly destroyed the Volturi's fortress in Italy, and that told me something as well. Jane was scary, and possibly mentally unhinged. And what was wrong with her brother not preventing her from making such a risky move? They appeared to love one another. She did not realize that she could not impact me. And distant blood relation or not, I was going to have to shield my manly parts from her forevermore.

I maintained a placid expression as I took a page from Marcus' behavior and said, _"It was due to my power as well as Bella's that you are the age that you currently are. Don't make me have to alter it. I could goof and make you even younger." _Which was sort of true, something I had no idea how I could recreate, but sounded impressively awful. It most definitely made an impression on the twins.

Jane attempted to disguise her unease as she bluffed, _"That would require an awful lot of explaining to Marcus. And you have not built up enough good will with him that he would tolerate you trying."_

"_He could not stop me. He lacks the power. And if he kills me, then you definitely would have a problem."_

She smirked as my nose started bleeding. And that irritated me, which explained why I threw my normal standards of cruelty aside, _"As it stands, I do not know if I or Bella died, if you would revert back to your original appearance," _I said sanctimoniously. Now, I had two most fervent bodyguards. Jane took a handkerchief from her twin's hand and offered it to me, waving the white flag of peace, "Cousin," she said, sincerely troubled.

Women! Capricious every last one of them. Except for Mother. Speaking of whom, I had a lot of apologizing to do to one.

We had only been in Forks for about five minutes, as we had moved and had conversed at vampire speed. I reached out for Grace, who tentatively responded to my compunctious, _'Fine. I'm flat-out-groveling,' _greeting; and _'Incidentally, I'm offering you my eternal thanks for saving, "Sweet Girl.'"_

Grace was disturbed at my bleeding. Father made me stand with my head bent back, which appeared all kinds of idiotic.

He said, "Edward, I think we have enough resources so that you can rest."

"_I have mental contact with Grace. She is giving me information Marcus can use."_

People around did not need to know what I was doing in the event I failed.

With Grace's assistance, I used my gift to find the enemy. The Quileute spirits were all in a tizzy and tripping over another to keep me standing, blazing headache and nosebleed be damned. I told Marcus, "Phoenix is headed towards the Quileute reservation. We have about twenty minutes before he gets there."

"How do you know this?" Vivinna asked.

"The Quileute spirits tell me." That sounded better than, 'I have voices in my head that I occasionally invite to invade my body.' That made me sound like a spiritual strumpet. Which I most definitely was not. Strumpets charged.

"I have never seen anything quite like it, Marcus, and he is generally accurate," Eleazar sprang to my defense. Generally? Gee whillikins, I would have to show more effort around him. Or he had developed amnesia during his time in Alaska, which seemed to be the case as every time his mind wandered to it, he'd flick away to something else.

Marcus sighed, "Edward, how impressive is his mighty force this time?" He barely avoided sarcasm, but made his disdain clear.

"Can you please order your men to hold their arms?"

"Plan on taking them on yourself?" he teased, staring at the red handkerchief. As if. Their weapons wouldn't work on me. I smiled in return around the cloth because it was the polite thing to do. And my Mothers both raised me right.

The bleeding mercifully ceased, "No, I want you to meet someone and her appearance might cause sharp objects to be flung in the sky or blades of all sizes to be handled improperly. And I'd hate to see you lose a large percentage of your men needlessly. Arria can confirm this." Now I had captured his attention.

Arria guessed my intent and said, "Father, he speaks the truth." It's not like I had lied to her. Much. In any way she'd ever know. What a wonderful impression of my character.

"Hold your arms, no matter what you see." Marcus ordered his troops using that remarkable supernatural telegraph of his.

"Grace," I called out. "Please show yourself to our army."

Majestically, she appeared in her original form of a pterosaur. I approached her while all the other immortals backed away to give her a healthy distance. She picked the right being to scare them. Grace was bigger than FitzCadaver and his cronies. Her wingspan was well over twenty feet. I didn't even need to wax eloquent over the ferocity of her maw. Her claws were razor sharp and I now appreciated how she had tried to carry Bella without hurting her. It seems we all had taken a turn at harming her in some way. And Grace's head and the way she glared at everyone had a manner that overpowered even Marcus in the fright department. Then again, Marcus didn't glare quite like that, which is perhaps what accounted for people's terror of him. He always seemed eerily calm. I wondered if Bella had inherited that tendency from him.

Holding out her arm to nervous Lost Coven troops to stay movement, Arria said, "She helped save Bella's life. She answers to Edward." She left unsaid, "And my Father will kill you painfully if you disregard his orders."

The soldiers were confused and Marcus firmly ordered those that contemplated reaching for their swords or bows, "Do not engage."

I could tell from their minds that Grace terrified them, and they were having trouble quieting the instinctual desire to avoid being chomped to bits or torn asunder by her. Well, most of them. The Legionnaires followed Marcus' orders precisely and maintained bored expressions. Maybe they were still partly dead? His five sons did not so much as twitch, although Skeevy had the advantage of his brothers having already dealt with Grace and lived to tell the tale.

I did not care about dignity at this point. I threw my arms around her and said, _"Thank you."_

"_Sweet girl sick."_

"_I know. We need to go and defend the tribe. Can you come with me?"_

Grace liked that idea. She showed me that Phoenix; at least in his boast, had not been kidding. And she did something with her power that dulled the pain and gave me a feeling like I actually might be able to survive the next hour using the gifts. I opened my closed eyes to find Hezekiah's walking stick lying before me radiating power.

"My thanks," I bowed to Grace. As my hand went around the carved wood, I couldn't help but see his face, and now I could hear the geezers who still guarded Bella's spirit much better.

"Suck it up, boyo, it's time to kill some leeches," one called.

Gee, Thanks. I had managed to singlehandedly invade the most feared coven in the immortal world and they called at me like I was an amateur, which I technically was. But still. I definitely was not an amateur at that killing business. I just hadn't killed all that many immortals. Yet. But I had every intention of gaining practice. I couldn't wait to get my spiritual hands on that bastard Phoenix. Besides him attacking my family and me earlier, I totally owed him for failing to immediately kill, I mean, attacking Genghis. Bella adored that irritating ill-mannered dog. Unfortunately. Now I'd have to avenge him, too.

Staring off to the fire in the west, I said, "I estimate eight thousand, Marcus, from what Grace says."

Marcus scoffed, "Surely you jest."

"No. Edward doesn't have a sense of humor," Emmett said. Thank you very much. I did, too. Wasn't sarcasm considered humor? And how would he know? I barely spoke.

"Is that _all_?" Marcus sounded genuinely offended, militarily speaking, of course.

Jasper explained, "Legatus, by the Southern War standards, an army of that size was considered gargantuan. He thinks he is going to crush you."

Not that Jasper would admit to having personal knowledge of those Southern War activities, that being illegal and all, despite those pesky venom scars he had all over his body. And the fact that Marcus had correctly identified him as Rafael. No sirree, Jasper was watching out for our family by worshiping at the feet of his new iron age rock star idol. He was even calling him by his rank.

Marcus tsked at Jasper as if his vampire childhood had been positively deprived. Which it had been. But still.

And Phoenix acted awfully cranky there with his one arm and a new set of pipes, with an empty sleeve hanging limply from his right shoulder. He had constructed an unusual harness so he did not have to hold the instrument. It made him look like a lost circus clown who had stumbled into an insane orthodontist's office. With Grace's assistance, I showed that view to Marcus.

He conveyed it to others, who scoffed, snorted, tittered, and otherwise produced immortal mocking noises galore. Marcus sighed, "I think we only need eight thousand, my dear," to his wife.

She waved an arm. "Why not take an extra five thousand from the Newfoundland and Chilean covens? Both are still green and require practice."

Skeevy added, "Those two thousand from the Pyrenees coven would do well."

Marcus suspired, as if asked to bring on a pesky younger sibling or thousand on a trip, "This time, Bella remains behind. Carlisle, see to her medical care. And _you_ will personally ensure it happens without her suffering a scratch," he ordered his daughter.

Wasn't it a bit illogical for him to be castigating his daughter for her irresponsible parental behavior when his _own mate_ had misplaced _their_ children for a millennium? Not that I was going to point that out to anyone. Yet. I had manners. Occasionally.

"Those words will never depart your tongue. Both Vivinna and Marcus paid dearly for their errors. They suffered torment that crumpled us to sand in a few months without complaint for a millennium," Jugurtha said.

"It does not seem polite," Starched Shirt Edward called from within the library as he rustled through dusty volumes conducting some kind of research. Not that kind. His hands were on the books at all times.

"Yes, Father," Arria nodded in agreement, mentally moping about not being able to go to the battle with the other soldiers, to kill the ones who had hurt her coven and child -- because she had to look after her ailing progeny. Fine. She didn't think that. She had locked me out of her mind. But she sure _appeared_ that way.

So Marcus sent a clear message to his daughter about good old-fashioned parental responsibility by denying her the opportunity to go maim other immortals, and forcing her to watch others parent her mortal daughter. Clearly, he had figured out his daughter's mind, although he'd only been around her a few hours. She was positively beside herself. By Jugurtha's count, she came close to frowning three times as she saw her family start to walk side-by-side off to fight. Arria, a thousand year old immortal, had just been grounded by her sire. How awesome was that?

Jasper said, "We need to find out how extensive the fire is."

Tilting his head to one side, Marcus extended his gift and permitted me to accompany him on the journey, interrupting my attempts to glean that data. I did not bother to tell him that I already knew, thanks to Grace. Connecting simultaneously with thousands of individual brains and communicating separately with each made me want to spew all those vats of blood; my head throbbed so much in reaction. Without the staff – sometimes even with it, I had difficulty making a roomful of people consistently receive my thoughts when I attempted to simply send them. Marcus performed this task with the ease of a human breathing to mobs of his soldiers. To him, it literally was effortless as he not only sent but lodged into every single mind he touched. And the vision he received from his troops and resulting conversation, proved illuminating. I could tell from their responses these men were all too willing to die again for him. I had no idea how one garnered that amount of loyalty from another being, much less masses of them.

Marcus turned to Carlisle, "My men have encountered forces on the east side of Forks."

Father's face remained calm, "How large of an army do they face on that front?"

"And how are ours doing?" Eleazar asked.

With a scoff, Marcus said, "They're complaining that I brought them back to life to be bored to death because they're only combating ten thousand enemies, who clearly cannot fight. This strategy of leaping for bodies and trying to gnaw your opponent to death has my men amused. Oh, Tiberius said we started the fires. Well, most of them."

He sounded like a fond parent who approved of that tactic as a mischievous maniacal child went around destroying everything in sight. Tiberius had used it to trap the enemy on two sides and he used his men to attack from the others. Clever.

"Did they start the fire at the reservation?" Jasper asked and cleared his throat, "That would be difficult . . .in light of our treaty."

Closing his eyes, Marcus consulted the MarcusVine.

Which really made my head hurt. It was an honor that he invited me and all, but I was beginning to feel like I had taken one of those hallucinogenic mushrooms I had learned about in that slowly unraveling Quileute tribal knowledge. Grace offered me a boost of power with a croon through our connection, and I thanked Hezekiah for the loan of his staff. Not that staff. The wooden one. I mean. Never mind.

Blocking Marcus from this part of my mind, I turned to Jugurtha, "Please schedule a hunt for hallucinogenic fungi. Young Mr. Black deserves a special treat, I think."

"Hmmmm" Jugurtha flipped through pages and said, "You're booked for the immediate present between slaying, scheming, and groveling. I'm sorry, but you simply do not have time to drug a minor. You are a doctor. Twice. Be professional."

"But –"

"Bella and her health," he interrupted, "outweigh picking on an obnoxious child in terms of priorities. And considering you are over a hundred years old, drugging him would be tacky."

"He put his lips on her wounded mouth," I argued recalling the sight of her biting through her lip and blood trailing down her chin when Victoria had attacked her.

"Only to give her CPR and he did not appear to be having a stimulating time doing it. And it did not seem to cause her discomfort." Exactly.

"We drugged Billy," I countered.

"Yes, who is significantly older, a multiple murderer, and collector of sperm samples that made it appear we were doing the Quileutes a public service. We wanted to avoid giving the Quileutes the impression that we were inhumane – although we _technically_ are – Castrating Billy Black without benefit of anesthesia, while possibly diverting, would have distressed our allies. If you single young Mister Black out for negative attention after he helped save Bella's life before his peers, you will look like a deranged bully."

"Fine. I can still change him back into a human. Our treaty says so."

"Yes, but for right now, he's better off as a wolf. From what I gather, the tribe needs every fighter it can beg, borrow, or steal. Jacob's advantage as a wolf is his sheer brawn and ability to fight in the face of opposition."

Perhaps a harrumph or two emitted from me at that ludicrous notion.

"You have to admit young wolf Mister Black was remarkably brave to take on several older immortals. He defended Seth and Bella without a qualm for his own hide. And when Seth started becoming emotional, Jacob remained calm. Bella is alive partly because he was too foolish to be afraid, or too brave to show his fear. If you transform Jacob into a 'not-so-helpful' human during a war, you will appear to be a petty tyrant. And insecure. It sends the wrong signal. Keeping him as a wolf with Bella at your side? Now _that_ conveys the appropriate message."

"So when are we turning him back into the marginal moron that he is?" I all but wailed. This was so wrong. My predator. My voice of all my desires was telling me I could not do what logically must be done. Just . . . gah!

"If he does not mature into a decent descendent of Ephraim, we are going to hope Jacob dies a noble death in battle due to his unending reserve of stupidity in terms of long range planning. Past that, we will have to wait until the immediate danger is over, and we also will have to find out what possibly could have made Paula break her word and transform him. She knew he'd make a terrible wolf. Our political position is tricky at present and we cannot afford to have the Quileutes irritated at us as well. I cannot foresee scheduling time for this task. Sorry. Now pay attention to Marcus. You are the only person who has ever been able to keep up with him. He's delighted, grasshopper. You have no idea of what an honor this is. Arria and her brothers are green with envy, although Skeevy thinks it's all kinds of cool that you can do this."

Marcus and I landed into the mind of one soldier who viewed the fire from the distance at the reservation, but claimed that they were not responsible. From his view, it appeared almost the entire reservation burned merrily. And there was not a fire truck in sight. Or a news van.

Marcus said out loud, "Edward, you will accompany us since you know these people." He turned to his four sons – the recently-reanimated-wearing-heads ones - and said, "Meet Tiberius, who is fighting on the outskirts of the east side of Forks. Kill every immortal on the other side that resists you. Take fifteen thousand soldiers, and look to your Mother to decide which ones. No mercy. Avoid killing humans or leaving a sign of our presence."

The four brightened at the thought and marched to their matriarch. She stunned us all by actually taking each by the hands and greeting them misty-eyed and individually by name. Couldn't that woman see we had priorities? She could do her reunion later, for the love of God. She had waited a millennium. What was a few more hours going to do? I had needs. I mean - Bella had needs.

Marcus did not have to say that Bella stayed here. And I knew better than to argue. It was the first time she would be out of my sight since we had been reunited.

"We'll need to call Harry Clearwater and warn him," I said to Father.

Marcus said, "Who is he?"

"Harry Clearwater is the leader of the Quileute tribe. He and his wife Sue are close to Bella."

Arria morosely stated, "You cannot warn him." When did she become the micromanager of my dealings with the tribe? And why would she suggest violating the treaty? Had she snapped and lost touch with reality?

Jugurtha poked my side with a sharp elbow, "Say something. Our dear little one's cold lady Mother just addressed you."

"Why?"

"Victoria butchered him at his office and left a note pinned to his chest the week after you left town." From her mind, she was not jesting, and she did not like offering up the information. Victoria had not been gentle. But ew. What a creative use of butcher paper. She had left a large blood splattered origami Swan beside his body. Jasper sure knew how to pick them.

"Oh, dear God," Mother exclaimed, hand over her heart, "I need to call Sue. That poor family. They must be devastated." She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and began dialing at vampire speed. The phone rang and rang and rang. I recalled the Clearwaters had not believed in answering machines for their land line. Mother then tried Sue's cell phone which went immediately to her mail box.

Arria's demeritorious silence and mashed lips condemned her as she watched Mother move. I stared until Arria finally caved and muttered, "Sue died days ago."

Mother dropped the phone, and Father caught it before it landed in a pile of snow.

Arria decided to share this information with us _now_? We all delivered that very message accurately, via the time-honored tradition of Cullen nonverbal communication.

Jasper mildly, which meant she was in trouble, inquired, "How did it happen?" instead of "How badly did you screw up?" which is totally what he meant. And she knew it.

With an edge to her voice, Arria grumbled, "Victoria shot Sue with an arrow. It was a remarkable feat at the distance the arrow traveled. The Clearwater children still live." Ah, she throws in some professional courtesy, praising the enemy to keep her from looking inept. And tries to distract by dangling the survivors for sentimentality's sake.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Who put Arria personally in charge of the Clearwaters' safety? We've laid enough sins at her door. I think this one is uncalled for, because I doubt the wolves ever asked her coven for assistance as mandated by the treaty," as he emerged from the library with a stack of dusty tomes precariously swaying under his nose. "And I will offer up prayers for them for the next decade."

Trying to be within Marcus' blindingly fast brain, my own, and focus on the present conversation hurt, but I still managed to accomplish it. Barely. 'Hezekiah, help me,' might have ran through my mind a time or five.

Eleazar also used that soothing tone oh so well, "What are you not telling us, Arria? We need to be prepared."

Arria sighed, "Victoria did it in front of the Clearwater children. And Bella."

Now, I was disturbed. My poor dear little one had been so upset at seeing strangers slaughtered in Italy. I could only imagine, unfortunately, what it was like for her to see Sue perish.

Starched Shirt Edward stared, gobsmacked, and said absolutely nothing, hands around his waist, slightly leaning forward.

"She cared for the Clearwaters probably more than she did her own parents," Jugurtha noted, patting him on the back a time or ten.

"Where did the arrow hit?" Marcus asked.

"Her eye. It was a good death. Quick."

Jasper said, "We need to know what we are facing. Please show us what happened."

His late first wife had never picked up an arrow that he could remember. And during the Southern Wars, they hadn't bothered using weapons on humans, so no one trained with them. It was pointless.

"I cannot. I was not there."

"What _can_ you tell us?" Jasper asked.

"Bella and the Clearwaters went to visit Harry's grave to leave cut plants. Sue leaned over to pat Bella's back when Bella's force field was activated around her."

"Are you telling me that the arrow was intended for Bella and ricocheted and killed Sue instead?" My voice rose. That woman really had been bonkers.

"No, it clearly was aimed at Sue from what my men saw. But you'd have to have battle experience to know. Leah and Seth were caught off guard by the lights, and Seth missed the arrow." Summoning them, she waved an arm at a collection of Fake Canadians.

Ten of her men emerged from the crowd and Marcus linked minds with them. Their memories positively disturbed us all. I could not see Bella's face, just her back as the arrow pierced Sue's body and robbed her of life instantaneously. She crumpled to the ground, the arrow protruding hideously. Seth immediately phased and Leah caught her mother and screamed.

Bella never made a noise as she dragged the taller Leah like a twig, who in turn hauled her Mother, behind Harry's tall tombstone for cover. Seth hesitated for a moment before throwing out a mournful howl. I could tell he wanted to give chase. Instead he used his bulk to crouch in front of his remaining family. As the image faded to black, I could hear Seth's angry pants, Leah's furious screams, and nothing but the uneven patter of Bella's heart.

Arria's mind then flashed to a vision of what appeared to be Sue's funeral. The Quileutes held it defiantly on a sunny day. Bella and Chief Swan stood among the jittery mourners. As men from the tribe lowered Sue's casket into the Earth beside her husband, Leah casually picked up a clod of dirt. I expected her to toss it ceremoniously on top of the casket, like I remembered from human funerals of my youth. Instead, she threw the wet earth at Bella, hitting her square on the force field, splattering the people around. To the mortal eye, Leah had simply missed.

Leah shrieked, " If it weren't for you I would have my baby. If it weren't for you I would have Sam. If it weren't for you I would have my Father. If it weren't for you, my Mother would be here. You ruined our lives and my family because your parents didn't love you. This is your entire fault, Swan! You brought this on us."

That woman had gone mad. Absolutely barking in more ways than one mad. She was shaking and her face turned a rather unattractive shade of - puce? No, that wasn't the right word. Ugly?

John Quill thundered, "Leah, silence!"

Tears coursed down her cheeks, eyes red and squinted in rage, Leah acted like she wanted to launch at Bella and physically rip her to shreds. She had her fingers curled and almost crouched. Seth had her firmly by an arm, and appeared to be struggling as he too, trembled.

I heard the boorish guard from that day in the forest at vampire pitch snarl to John, "If she so much as twitches at Bella, she'll join her mother in that grave. And I might like her kid brother, but the same goes for junior."

John answered at wolf pitch. "I'm handling it. I won't let her touch Bella. And I'm embarrassed at Leah's behavior. You have my apology on behalf of the pack. She's lost both her parents, is immature, and over-emotional."

The boor said, "We killed ten of Victoria's party today, and learned from one that the redhead shot the arrow. She is still at large."

Charlie dusted the dirt from his silent and still daughter's coat, then his own, and cleared his throat. His hands were shaking, as he reached out and put his arm around Bella.

"Leah, your parents and I had an agreement that if anything happened to either one of us; we would take the other's children. Kiddo, I know this is hard. We'll get through it. You cannot blame Bells for your mother tripping and hitting her head on a gravestone. Come home when you've had time to cool off."

Bella remained composed. She did not shed a single tear. I could see from her ramrod posture the blending of Genevieve and Vivinna.

"Home? I don't _have_ one left thanks to her," Leah lamented, "And I'm eighteen. You can't tell me what to do."

Way to go acting like it. Caustic Calumniator.

"Then start acting like it. Stop shaming your mother and your father's good name. You were raised better. And it's a damn shame that instead of celebrating your mother's life, people will walk away remembering this." Charlie seemed to channel his mother right then and there. Leah actually shrank from him.

With a sniff, she pivoted and stomped off in the opposite direction, so Seth let her loose. Ten feet away, she called at her brother. "We're leaving."

Seth did not even face her. He whispered to Leah in a tone I'd never heard the young man employ, "You will stay to watch our mother buried, you will cease dishonoring her memory, and shaming what is left of our family. I don't want to hear another word from your mouth. You've said enough."

For a moment, I swear I saw Ephraim. Leah snapped her mouth shut.

Seth remained fixed in place, his back to his seething sibling, and signaled for the men to continue. He picked up a shovel himself and helped scoop the soil. It appeared like he tucked his mother in for the night.

Bella had stared at the open grave throughout Leah's fit. She whispered to Seth, "Go after her. She needs you." Her gaze remained on the grave as the soil was poured over it.

From fifteen feet away, Leah watched until the grave was full. The second they smoothed the ground and started to lay the sod, she pivoted on her heel and marched from the graveyard.

Seth sighed, "I'm sorry, Swan. She's wrong, you know." He walked away after his sister.

Charlie awkwardly pulled his daughter closer and said, "She'll come around. You know Leah's always had a devil of a temper. Let's get you home."

Bella did not say a word as they left the staring crowd. Their scrutiny had to have distressed her more, seeing as she loathed being the center of attention. I had never seen a single thing about Charles Swan that evoked anything but disdain. Until then. I caught a glimpse of Sam standing far off in the background well away from the crowd with a guilty face. The vision ended as Chief Swan opened the cruiser door for his daughter, helped her in like a gentleman, and ignored the still stunned and whispering crowd, and drove away.

As I returned to the present rage sprang into being. Oh, was I going to have words with Miss Clearwater. I didn't care that she had lost both her parents. I knew what that felt like, and that didn't entitle me. . .Bella had suffered too, and Leah was not going to have the blue ribbon in the 'winning on woe' contest she seemed to believe she had entered. When I got my hands on that shrew, I'd show her what happened to people who disrespected my wife.

Jugurtha said, "The sooner you re-establish your shaman link with the tribe, the sooner we can get to business." Right. That.

Not bothering to hide the use of power, green fire sparked in my eyes as I summoned power from the Earth.

Emmett thought, _"Jeez, I am never going to get used to him going all still like a predator and tilting his head like that. He doesn't even look like my brother when he uses those freaky powers. Uh, Sorry Eddie."_

Ignoring him, I reached out for the pack and found more than sixty clear minds – John Quill being the loudest. _"John, it's Edward. I am back with reinforcements to help you. You have another group headed your way."_

John sounded, and from Grace's view looked, exhausted. _"How many are we facing? Where have you been?"_

"_Long story. Eight thousand."_

"_Immortals or werewolves?" _his voice grew loud and panicked.

"_I beg your pardon?" _Had members of the tribe gone rogue?

"_We have been attacked by vampires that also have werewolves of a different kind. It has caused chaos. Edward, they're bigger than us, and their bite . . . it drives the pack member insane. They have killed over forty wolves."_

I gleaned from his mind images of a European werewolf picking up one wolf I had never known, a female named Joan and breaking her like a twig in half across his knee, snapping her spinal column and then tearing her in half. The beast ate the part in his right hand before the horrified, repulsed, and now enraged tribe as he tossed her twitching torso at another wolf. When I had studied the size of their force, I hadn't bothered to examine it for another species.

"_That ends tonight. We are on our way."_ I was so going to kill lots of whatever the heck those things were. I already started ranting, I mean chanting in Quileute requesting all the aid they could procure, and had informed Marcus. Everyone started as the ground around me began to melt – the snow on it actually - and fire surrounded my frame. Like a marionette being jerked to attention, waves of Quileute spirits bombarded me, and a few others I didn't recognize, but were equally as welcome so long as they minded their manners. I couldn't risk Bella's life by dragging her to a battlefield. I would have to do this the new fashioned way. Supernaturally. And boy, were those spirits mad.

"_How many is 'we' Edward?" _John asked, pulling me away from my mental gymnastics.

"_Oh, pardon me."_

So I sent him the mental image of the hundreds of thousands of vampires that inhabited a quiet nook of the park. Who stared at the green fire that now really raged around me. I had become, supernaturally speaking the gloomy-green-burning-slightly-taller-than-average demon.

"_Holy Christ!" _John breathed, once my message reached him. Well, something like that.

"_We are on our way. You will not be alone." _I felt a group of the pack nearby come baying. Marcus' men did not so much as twitch in reaction, and they already were armed.

I stopped speaking to John as I turned to face the pack of seven snarling Quileute wolves that burst from the tree line and leapt in surprise. I held out my hand and put a green ring around them before they did something stupid, like die.

"_Are those the Shapeshifters?_" Marcus murmured in my mind. With a jerk, I nodded, _'yes,'_ trying to focus on being in Marcus' brain, being connected with John and the entire pack, monitoring the well-being of my dear little mute one, tracking Phoenix's progress, and dealing with these poor simpleton souls who seemed to think it was a grand idea to burst into a clearing filled with 100,000 immortals for a quick bite or two. It did not occur to them that they had not scented or heard a peep from us. Which totally explained why the tribe struggled. Paula had somehow turned idiots. Jacob and this lot were living proof.

The Legionaries moved at that freakish velocity and had the wolves completely surrounded, arrows, swords, and spears at the ready should Marcus give the command. They anticipated a felicitous fracas. Detecting that perhaps they had wandered into the wrong clearing, the young wolves froze.

"I have made it so they cannot harm your men," I said through the mental link to Marcus.

"My men could easily kill them, but you have my thanks." He sounded almost amused.

They gawped, well as much as wolves can, as five furry frames smacked into the green walls I constructed around each of them, which left them unable to leave, confused, too. And my, they were all kinds of vocal about their plight. From reading their minds, they had no idea how to fight vampires. They hadn't bothered to listen to John, thinking instincts would take over.

"_Who the Hell is he?"_ one of them wailed through the wolf link, staring at me as I glowed in their distinctive color. And they thought my eyes were odd because they were the same shade theirs turned when they phased. Except theirs didn't look that cool.

I said aloud, "My apologies for my manners. I am Edward Cullen. I have brought reinforcements for the tribe. It would be rather ill-mannered to cause them distress, considering they traveled across the globe to aid you. And it does not seem a fair fight, the lot of you against," I spread my arms to encompass the irritated throngs of armed and all kinds of dangerous vampires who were sharpening blades or swinging them in practice. The blades, not the wolves, although that could have been arranged by the murmur from the mobs, "them."

"That's the shaman-finder-dude that John mentioned." One, named Kurt, said to the other.

How eloquent. When did we start turning cowboys? I was not wearing a ten gallon hat. Dude, indeed. Scanning their minds, they lacked a full connection to the pack and did not have the memories of the other members. How curious. They appeared to consider John their alpha, though.

John barked for them to treat us as allies and to obey me. Oddly, they could only catch about every third word of his perfectly-clear-to-me-message. Thank goodness English is a redundant language and they could figure out what he wanted. Their muzzles dropped as they stared around the clearing and saw vampires. Mobs and mobs of them. Fortunately, the winds carried the stench of the wolves out of the clearing. It finally occurred to these genius wolves that they could not smell a single vampire. Sadly, they had no idea what Grace was.

Grace was in agreement on their ineptitude.

"_About those European werewolves," _I started. She snarled. Since I had not been there to advise her and no one else had summoned her until now, she had watched powerless and angry. None of the European wolves had ever crossed Quileute soil. They had done all the fighting away from her sanctified territory.

Arria said, "Oh, Edward I have something for you to take." She handed me her own quiver of arrows. Each held a silver tip. And they smelled citrusy. "Poison." I felt like she had given me a sack lunch for school as she beamed for a moment before schooling her face into its usual expressionless state.

I handed them to Jasper. "My thanks, Madam. He's far better with a bow than I." Seeing as I had never used one, this was an easy decision. I recalled from my human life years of fencing practice. I had not been the best in my class, but I had been quick. Still was, when it mattered.

Arria advised, "You cannot let them bite you. And they are stronger than the Quileute wolves. They cannot mentally communicate like the wolves can though, which helps. When they are in battle frenzy, they often lose the ability to think rationally."

The images she sent of them to me from battle were some of the most disturbing things I had ever witnessed. Mere words cannot even begin to describe the carnage they caused. Oh, the poor tribe.

"How did you learn so much about their weaknesses?" Jasper asked.

A new group of the largest humans I have ever seen appeared out of the mist.

Emmett thought, _"Man, they look like a cross between a linebacker and a basketball center."_

They smelled like any other normal human. Arria introduced them, "This is Sergei and his family, our European werewolf consultants, and friends of Liam O'Shea." In my mind she said, _"You will be very nice to Sergei because he has a temper."_

I nodded at Sergei and he had the coldest light eyes I have ever seen. Fine, he was second to Marcus. But yeesh. I believe it was loathing at first sight. Bounding behind them, making a beeline for Bella, was a dog.

Since shouting, "For Heavens' sake, why aren't you dead?" could have been misinterpreted as rude, and worse, honest, I said, "How is Genghis healed so quickly?" The astonishment came naturally to my words.

Arria answered, "You _said_ Bella loved the dog."

"I did, and she does." Well, she did the last time I saw them, and she was not the type to change her affections . . . never mind.

"My father ordered him to be bitten."

Jasper's eyebrows rose, "I have never seen vampire venom heal an animal." He should know. Particularly in the case of domesticated ones.

"He was not bit by a vampire," Arria said. She gestured at Genghis. "We had him bitten by a European werewolf."

The devil you say. I stared at Genghis, who completely ignored me despite my whole saving his mangy hide business. The ring I had around Bella's tent at present prevented him from encroaching upon her space. Mentally, I dared the dog to try and urinate on me now.

"What will happen to him?" I could not have him going berserk on Bella. Then I really would, alas, much to my distress, have to kill him.

"He'll grow like anyone else. He might phase. We do not know. This has not been done for centuries." She left off the word, "successfully."

"He's still a puppy. What would he look like if he phased?"

"That's hard to say since he hasn't, which is unusual." She pointed at the full moon.

Sergei said, "European wolves are compelled to change with the full moon, but ones who learn control are able to avoid that instinct." His voice was as cold as our winter in Siberia.

Marcus had fond memories of slaughtering Sergei's kind, but also had developed a healthy respect for them. He said, "We should be moving."

Genghis barked as he pounded a paw against the barrier. Of course, I ignored him.

I walked to my mate's side and crouched down beside her as she lay in Esme's arms.

"Bella, I am going to go to the reservation. I will be back as soon as I can."

"Good dog," she said. I grimaced and stroked Bella's hair in the manner that she had enjoyed as a child. Grace approached us and the immortal legionnaires began to become awfully twitchy with their blades. And I interpreted Bella's comment to mean she wanted that cur Genghis nearby. Drat.

"Genghis is here to guard you, my sweet." I waved at the beast and for once he actually obeyed as he approached Bella and curled into a ball at her side.

"Grace, my companion, wants to greet my mate." I said that in proper Oscan with a tone that implied I would be cross if they interfered.

Grace, unfortunately, did not understand the concept of a tent. She poked her beak right through one side of it, and when it fell, she destroyed the offending fabric out of concern for Sweet Girl.

"It's okay," I said. "She did not know what a tent was.

Grace crooned to Bella a sound soft, like a mother's lullaby. The surrounding vampires found it disturbing because they all relaxed as if swept away by a dose of Jasper-calm-it itis. Genghis ruined the sound by adding a mournful howl.

Following the tune, Bella turned her head. She blinked. And for half a second, she appeared alert before she melted back into the silence. Grace backed away after bowing to Bella and Mother, snorted a puff of air in approval at my recent haircut.

"You don't have a choice but to let the dog remain near her. She is clearly responding to him," Jugurtha advised.

"He's a newborn were-whatever. Lord only knows what could happen to my mate," I countered.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "She has those birds which were quite handy in Italy. I vote we order them to destroy the mongrel if it threatens her. She gains joy from Genghis. She should have him near." Good points all. Drat.

Father said, "Edward, we've been in this cold about as long as is advisable, and now definitely should be on the move. Can you ask Grace if the house is intact?"

Marcus said, "I have men surrounding it at present. They've already scouted the area and found it to be free of immortals."

Our house had new rings surrounding the ones that I had constructed and had strengthened prior to my departure. From her thoughts that she sent to me, Arria had placed additional barriers around it that had kept it from being raided. Aside - it appeared - from Emmett's jeep, which was still in possession of an inventive new wiring system, nothing was out of place.

Grace and I flipped over to the Forks Hospital, which was currently overwhelmed with casualties from the reservation and surrounding areas. The official story the Quileutes told anyone that asked was that a gang of thieves with huge dogs had been preying upon the populace with home invasions, but that they had scared them away with shotguns. And an artfully arranged car accident far away from the action had the attention of Chief Swan and his men. I'd have to have Father examine Charlie, who appeared absolutely haggard.

"Father, the house is well. Arria put up extra measures." I had to earn points where I could.

"Thank you." He said to her. She gave him a fractional movement of her head which I interpreted to mean, 'you're welcome' in haughty Oscan speak.

I glared at FitzCadaver, FitzCorpse, and FitzCarrion and the other marks I hadn't bothered to baptize with a name that lurked on my love's spirit, "I expect better guard duty from you all. I am going to have to let that mongrel near Bella. You have my full blessing to do anything you like to him should he act threatening towards her."

Grouchy Gargoyles. They nodded at me and craned their silver necks to gaze in adoration at Vivinna, Arria and Bella. My mate had minions. Mean ones, too, with silver makeovers, supernaturally speaking, of course, that were the deadliest courtiers of them all as they paid tribute. Aside from Bella's mother, that is. And her grandmother.

A significant number of the Telecles-commanded troops had never seen my personal birds of prey - not _those_ birds of prey - the _gyrfalcons_. Word spread like a lit fuse. Marcus implemented that enchanting gift of his and informed them of the soul scars on Bella, deadly advertisements that promised pain if any attempted to harm so much as a hair on her head. He ordered his troops if they wanted to remain in one piece, not to anger the birds. No one argued. The birds surrounded her and my family and glared at the immortal crowds.

"Emmett," I called to my brother as he took his leave of Rose.

"Yeah, buddy?"

I pointed to one lurking soldier from the Irish coven, "Remind me to help you maim that one when I return."

The Irishman smiled at me, amused. What a block head.

"Um, Edward, the guy's just standing there," Emmett said, "What did he do?"

I sent him the thoughts the man had about his bride, in glowing detail . . .

Emmett's eyes almost exploded from his skull and he said, "Man, I know I have a filthy mind. But Jeez. That's disgusting. You ever think about my mate like that again, oh Hell." He punched the man into a crowd of legionnaires. "Have fun, guys. Keep him in one piece, and play nice." Indeed. They did.

As my family prepared to depart for the house, I heard the screaming from the Irish Vampire harmonizing with Merrisol du Pre, the Canadian School teacher, all the way into the forest. I could not help but try to think of happier times.

_My dear little one lay curled against me in our bed, wearing her nightgown of baby roses. Marcia, the clothing consultant, had been right, of course. The brushed cotton cloth did indeed feel smooth against the skin. I had my arms wrapped around my singer and stroked her temple with the reverence she deserved. Not that temple, her head. Degenerate. _

_Her gyrfalcons grumbled at me, but left me in peace as my fingers appeared to be aiding her in sleeping, as they were appropriately confined to stroking . . . her temple and hair. Only. It's not that they did not desire to wander further; it's that I had standards. Rigid . . . ones. Standards, that is. We had been discussing the murder of her Grandparents earlier and Billy Black's role in it. _

"_It must have been so hard to know that all on your own and not be able to tell anyone," I blurted. _

"_Mmm, I've never felt deprived. It's just the way life worked out."_

"_Why did you not tell the Clearwaters?"_

_I felt her stiffen. The seconds dragged by like weights had been attached to the hands of time. Seven interminable minutes later, she susurrated, "Well, I had no proof. I thought if I did tell them, they'd go looking for evidence and then get killed because of me. And I couldn't bear that."_

"_Billy will not ever harm them. You have my word on that." By Jove! I had upset her._

_She made no answer. Nervously, I continued. And drat it all, my voice cracked as I said, "Your Father. . ." I hoped to get her to talk about her intentions towards the man. And I did not mind fueling the fire of her anger at him. That benefited me. And her. Mendacious moron. I could not believe he lied to her like that for all of that time. It was wrong. Simply criminal._

"_He won't interfere." I was not sure what she meant. Interfere with what? Us?_

_So, I prodded, "How do you know that? Have you talked to him about it?"_

_I stayed vague. _

"_No."_

"_Why?"_

"_There's no point. He lied, and he knows it, and he knows I know it. What is there to talk about?"_

_Oh. That._

"_He needs to apologize to you."_

"_He's not sorry he did it. He's only sorry he got caught."_

"_What about your Mother?"_

"_I'm not talking to her." My dear little algae lover's voice quavered and she shifted. I pulled her closer against me._

"_You sound like you mean that forever."_

"_Maybe I do. There are some things you just don't get over, Edward." _

"_I've seen you speak to your Father."_

"_He," she stressed, "respects my silence." I definitely noticed the uneasiness in her voice. She did not want to discuss the topic further, and I was capable of taking a hint on occasion._

_She twisted so that she rested with her head further down on my chest than was usual. I did not like her so far away and could not help that my hands pulled her to me. I definitely pretended not to notice her momentary smile. Her fingers started rubbing my temple, which actually, felt fantastic. So I recompensed by stroking her back ever so gingerly._

"_Go to sleep, Grumpzilla." My hands froze._

"_I object to that appellation. Last time I checked, mine was 'Edward.'"_

"_You signed a card to me with that name. Or did I have another admirer?" she teased._

"_So I did, my Queen. And no, you do not. You have your hands full at present with me." Well, she did. Greedy soulless bastard that I was, I envisioned her ultimately having her hands full with another part of me, after marriage, of course. But I could be patient and wait. I pushed those future plans aside before Starched Shirt Edward's head exploded and dangled visions of Bella and me kneeling before a priest in wedding attire. He quietly returned to his nightly prayers at his bench. _

_And with that, I followed her wise counsel and surrendered to the sensation of her fingers serenading the pain right out of my mind. Only she could make me feel this way. We'd have to do this more often. _

A hoarfrost encrusted branch of a Douglas fir smacked into my face like any icy catapult, and jolted me from memories of happier days. They say that becoming a vampire increased distinctive traits a person already exhibited during his or her mortal life; which is one reason I was grateful that no one had bothered to bite Leah Clearwater a few months back. Fine. Two had tried, albeit without success, and had scurried into the night in shame as soon as they realized the sheer stupidity of their actions. Aside from Leah's love and loyalty to her family, the self-involved shrew seemed to be a waste of mortal flesh.

Imagine my indignation as we entered the forest to join the battle, when I found myself face-to-face with the simpleton. In wolf form. Her. Not me. And seriously? She stank. For the record, she did not sneak up on me. I merely had a plethora of items on the agenda of things that needed fixing in Bella Cullen's existence to worry about the self-absorbed sucking vortex that Leah was, and the five other new wolves I did not recognize, and I most definitely did not create.

Besides, it's not like the spiteful Miss Clearwater could hurt me. Seriously. She'd probably take one swipe at the enemy, miss, hit a tree instead, and yowl about cracking a claw, before stomping away and frightening more innocent wildlife.

Three vampires near Leah and her companions vomited immediately with cries that translated to, "My gracious what could possibly be the source of that rank odor?" along with appeals to various ancient deities. Several made the sign of the evil eye at her and them. The wolves were stunned as they literally had not heard or smelled our presence. And I must confess it amused me to catch Leah flabbergasted.

It must have been the fifth sign of the apocalypse that someone had been desperate enough to change both Jacob and Leah. Seriously, the last time I saw her, I had saved her scrawny-still-mortal neck from lunging leeches, as she had dubbed them. So it irritated me when she threw herself at me gaping jaws extended with definitely rude intentions. Where were her manners?

Interpreting my pause for not wanting to kill a female, Marcus whipped out his sword with a fluid grace the fencer in me envied. Duly inspired, I moved at wolfpyre speed to intercept Leah Clearwater as she attempted to rip off my skull, and save her worthless noisome pelt. Again. My poor wife had horrid taste. In friends. In this case only. Gracious. Someone had anger issues. Perhaps I should let Marcus get in a teensy stab or two?

"She definitely deserved a spanking," so said Starched Shirt Edward.

Jugurtha shivered, "No. Even I would not be tempted. Her personality, or lack thereof, would ruin everything."

Seth exploded into view dashing around the enormous tree trunks and struggling in vain to catch up with his demented sibling. Once again, we were treated to the sight of shapeshifter astonishment as he appreciated our scentless and noiseless state. I caught Leah in my right hand by her throat, pinned her to the ground, and erected a shield around the others that arrived with her to prevent them from so much as twitching.

"Leah, it's been so long." Not long enough if I had a vote in it. But no, Fate detested me, and never tired of showing her ill regard. "Bella's going to be fine, thank you for asking." I shook her with each last word.

Twisting my hold so that Leah's muzzle faced Marcus and Vivinna, I decided now was the ideal opportunity to introduce everyone since we were all one big happy family with the most twisted tree in the universe. Even better, thanks to those shaman powers, Leah could not move a millimeter without my say so.

"This is Leah Clearwater, whom Bella considers to be a sister. The tall white wolf right over there," I tilted my head, "is Seth Clearwater, whom Bella considers to be her brother. Young shapeshifters possess temper problems. Pay her no mind. She is harmless. She will not attack your men."

In Quileute, I announced in the polite tones rigorously drilled into me in almost all matters of social comportment by my human Mother oh so many years past, "This is Bella's Grandfather Marcus and Grandmother Vivinna, and the army they brought to save the tribe."

The Gorgon twirled thin blades in each hand, maliciously, and, might I add, dexterously. No knitting needles for that one. The only way she'd ever use a crochet hook would be to impale someone or gouge out an eyeball or five. For a fleeting moment, I imagined how Vivinna and Leah would have been received in my human Parents' drawing room. We had not covered how to converse with noble-born immortals, or foul-smelling shrewish shapeshifters.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our dear human Mother would have pretended she could not see the weapons and would doubtlessly have asked her about her taste in music. And she certainly would not have acknowledged the odor. That would hurt Leah's feelings."

Once in a full moon, he was dead-on accurate in his pontifications. And this was one of them. It would stun my human Mother if I pointed out the rank odor Leah contaminated the air with, her disreputable dim-witted associates, too. Couldn't they have the imagination to think if the Lost Covens stayed lost all these years that perhaps it might be due to that "can't be heard or smelled" issue? It was an ingeniously simple way to drive Aro and Caius and the rest of the clans under their domain absolutely barking mad. If you cannot be smelled, and cannot be heard, and do not utilize blood from any source, you can stay hidden forever. They had proved it time and again.

And of course, both Vivinna and Marcus acted immune to the odor of the wolves. One of the pinned new pack members, a fourteen-year old named Simon, said through the wolf link, "I know she's like disgusting smelling and all, but damn she's hot for a bloodsucker."

I said to him through the link which made all the wolves jump, _"She's over a thousand years old, heartless,"_ which was absolutely true,_ "and mean as a snake,"_ that part, especially so. _"And you should thank you lucky stars she cannot read your mind."_

"_Hey man, you're a leech, how can you do that?"_ one protested indignantly.

"_Your spiritual forefathers chose me to find your shaman."_

"_Oh, and that worked out so well," _Leah snarled from beneath my hand.

The gloves came off at her defiance. I forced Leah to phase into human form, Seth followed, not wanting the world to see his sister's tattoo of Sam's name emblazoned upon her posterior. Four vampires threw cloaks at her. Because they did not want to see her naked, either. She and Seth both looked like the first century equivalent of perverted men who lurked on street corners offending decent women. I remember hearing Emmett think, _"Dang, I never thought I'd say this about someone, but she's cuter with clothes on. Her sour manner makes her all kinds of ugly."_

A point in her favor, she felt mortified at being seen naked before God and country. Leah spat, "Bella's Grandparents are _dead_. What kind of sick joke is this?" Leah clutched at her neck. Then, because she did not want to appear weak, she crossed her arms across her chest. Beyond that, she could not take a single step as I had her pushed her into the same ring of power that held the others.

I maintained an even demeanor, "The story is long and involved. Bella is biologically the daughter of Arria Telecles and Liam O'Shea."

Both Seth and Leah remembered Arria quite vividly, from her visit to their house and leaping for their throats with blood in her eye. Both Clearwaters also remembered Liam O'Shea. And both were now officially - what was that term - creeped out. Seth said so.

"So she's adopted. Why should I believe a word that comes out of your stinking mouth?" Leah said. By searching her present mind, I decided that Bella must have never told her a thing about me. Leah, therefore, had no idea of my past lies, nor did she have any clue that we had temporarily broken up. It was but a small setback that I would remedy as soon as inhumanly possible. Who knew I could count on my dear little one's discretion at a time like this? I'd have to praise her later.

I couldn't very well ask Leah, "Have I ever lied to you?" Although frankly, I had never even addressed her. But still.

Jugurtha whispered directions in my ear.

"_Does Arria strike you as the type who would deign to claim a mortal child as her own? One who is brain-damaged and not as perfect-looking as she seems to believe she is?"_ I struck home with that one, thankfully spoken silently in Quileute to her mind and that of her brother.

Seth conceded, _"No. And Liam always spent time with her."_

"_Can you think of any other reason why hundreds of thousands of vampires would show up to defend the reservation which has eight hundred recorded members and three hundred and seventy one occupants?" _I showed her and Seth the mental picture of the crowds of soldiers that they could not see with their senses.

Seth's mind flashed to the algae cave at Liam's farm. He had no idea that it was used for food, simply that it was guarded. I said to his mind alone, _"That has been protected all along. And never - under any circumstance - mention that cave aloud; or even think it to the pack. You could get every last one of them all killed before they could so much as blink." _I used the equivalent of an alpha tone on him. My emphatic manner made him stare. Thank goodness he had not managed to master linking minds with the tribe in my absence.

Aloud I said in English, "Seth, the tribe requires a shaman-in-training." For that I most certainly did not implement supernatural wheedling powers. Really.

"Are you selecting him?" Leah nearly shrieked.

"He volunteered to serve the spirits in any way they asked. So yes, I believe I am."

"On what criteria?" she snarled, images of Paula's bloody house echoing in her mind at fast feed followed by her father, then her mother, then Bella. Then. . .

"He sacrificed everything for the tribe's welfare out of love for his sisters."

"As charming as this reunion is," Marcus' voice rang out, "we are behind schedule, and Bella and the children are growing cold." He did not even bother to look at Leah. And Bella's body temperature had remained constant thanks to our attempts to keep her alive. It was mine that was dropping.

"This is important," I pressed, "It concerns Bella, and Phoenix is not at the reservation yet, according to Grace."

"Three minutes, then, Edward."

I took the Clearwaters by the shoulders and pushed them into the clearing where they could see their sibling, and let nature take its course. Both sprinted for their sister. Grace for some reason changed into her manta ray form and hovered over Bella, protecting her.

Curious, I reminded Grace, _"They are almost her brother and sister."_

Grace said, _"Tall girl cruel."_

I answered, _"Oh, I quite agree. But sweet girl loves her. And everyone deserves a chance to apologize wouldn't you say?"_

Grace grumbled and backed up a bit. Bella's hand shot out and made contact with Grace as she crooned to her. The clearing stilled as they watched. Seth and Leah knelt on the ground beside Bella, who lay in Mother's arms. Even Genghis placed his head on her legs and whined.

Seth touched her forehead, "Bella?" She did not answer. "What is wrong with her?"

Rosalie explained while clutching her children, "She is suffering the effects of her ordeal. She has retreated within her mind. Seth, she is not in danger of dying, but her heart is damaged." Both siblings could hear its unsteady beat.

Jasper detected the waves of guilt pouring from Leah. And love, I'm sorry to say. It would have been so much easier to loathe her if she hated Bella.

Seth rubbed his right temple, "Swan's heart has been off for months, and no one can figure out why."

Visits to doctor's offices sitting at her side holding her sometimes shaking hand flashed through his mind as in each successive one, Bella seemed to shrink, and Charlie who was in each one as well seemed to become more distressed. Memories of my dear little algae lover eating like a wolf in front of him and Leah flowed as well. I kept seeing them both encouraging her to eat more. Leah even hugged her once. It seemed like I watched some trick photography.

My sister said in a gentle tone she usually reserved for my dear little one, "We will make Bella well. I promise you."

Leah snarled and waved a fist, "You said you'd be gone three days. Either you can't count or you can't be trusted to keep your word. Which is it?"

Rosalie said at vampire pitch, "You _will_ watch your tone of voice around Bella and my children. Bella is not to be distressed."

FitzCarrion, bless his soul, leaned down and made baleful eye contact with Leah. He managed to capture her undivided attention. His beady little mind was fondly remembering disemboweling a vampire or three back in Italy. Leah did not have to be a mind reader to detect the nauseating combination of menace and nostalgia.

"We were trapped in Alaska for eight months fighting other vampires every single second. I am sorry we only came now." Jasper was not above using his gifts ruthlessly as he mined the vast reserves of guilt he detected in Leah. Nor did he have any problem taking a dig at Arria. "We thought we left you well-protected given we had signed a new treaty, you had combat-trained wolves in charge, and there was a coven nearby watching over Bella."

Grace continued to croon, and the birds joined in a chorus, harmonizing as all sprang to life. Bella's hand stroked Grace tentatively.

Sergei and his family stepped forward and Grace did nothing to stop them, nor did the birds. Sergei crouched down by Bella and rumbled, "Little one, Liam would not want to see you like this. You must come back. Life is not meant to be spent this way." He spoke Russian to her. How was that going to help?

Now I had to say something, "Bella, your family needs you. I need you. Please come back to us." I did not like uttering such private comments in front of others, but it had to be done. She was my mate; she just didn't know it yet.

Leah had seen enough. She fell to her knees beside Bella, "Jesus, Swan, you look like death warmed over. This is no time to play a drama queen. Wake the Hell up. We're kind of having a crisis here." She sounded so compassionate when she snarled that. Then she took Bella's free hand and raised it to her own cheek. "You and Seth are all I have. You cannot go out like this. You have to come back. Please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Please."

I wanted to join her in a Greek chorus, as I struggled to maintain my composure. I meant every word of her plea, too. Tears I refused to shed in public rained from Leah's blotchy face onto Bella's hand. Leah's voice cracked before resuming its usual demanding mien. "Besides, I have to yell at you for scaring us all to death."

From Leah's tormented thoughts, she had lost her temper at the funeral because she was a new unphased wolf. Seth's thoughts were similar, as was the rest of the pack. As much as I hated to say it, I sincerely understood.

Jugurtha said, "My research indicates most women have a committee who aids them in making major decisions."

"Like ours?"

"Yes, but in physical form. I believe it's called the femnet. You would do well to smooth the way for Bella and Leah's reconciliation because then Leah will owe you."

Right. Good point. Although that was a tough call, considering she blamed us for every wrong thing that had happened in her life. But still. Leah could serve a useful purpose if properly inspired.

Jugurtha said, "All you have to do is force her to experience Sam's thoughts from that night."

"That would be needlessly cruel. He murdered her cousins."

"Yes, but Leah needs to understand she had a role in it, and that Sam alone cannot shoulder the blame. Besides, she has it coming for screaming at our dear little one like that. And this time we have morality on our side. We are enlightening her."

"She already emits waves of guilt. And she's distressed."

"So?" We need her to get our mate back. And she needs to learn. And Jasper and Grace can calm her.

Starched Shirt Edward liked to read about trials of heretics in his spare time, so he waved an airy, "yes" and continued praying at his bench.

I did not even need to glance at my brother Jasper as he already was pondering working his wonders on the Clearwater siblings to prevent them from causing chaos. I mentally said to him, _"I need to show Leah something that will disturb her. She needs to feel the emotion and it will be intense. You might want to stand back."_

"_Are you going to be rude to her?" He actually sounded hopeful._

"_Decidedly so," I vowed._

"I'm fine, Edward. Proceed."

A vision flickered in Leah that showed she had seen Bella jump. I had to block her because it hurt too much to see from her mind, as she screamed futilely at Bella to stop. I knew I'd play it back later to torment myself. The feed I took from the wolf collective mind showed Leah sprinting with a notebook in her hand. She phased and roared and barreled her way to the cliff as scraps of fabric and the papers fluttered through the mist. The notebook rested forlornly nestled against the trunk of a Sitka spruce and a shattered tennis shoe. John quietly ordered Leah to fight the vampires that leapt in front of her. She had to obey him, and she most certainly wanted to ignore him, dodge the leeches and get to her sister.

In the vision, John said, "Seth and Jacob are going after Bella. You must focus now." Leah's bark from the memories I saw, truly was not as bad as her bite. Actually, it exceeded it in strength. She was an absolutely vicious opponent as she fought her way towards the beach where her sister lay, desperate to aid her. But I'd expected nothing less. I stumbled from that stream of thought into the present.

"_Leah,"_ I mentally addressed her, causing her to jerk, _"Because of a lie started by Gregory Clearwater years ago, you seem to blame vampires for things we had no part in. I'm afraid this is going to be unpleasant for you."_

Fine. I lied through my teeth. I wasn't afraid at all. And then I reached into the collective wolf pack, the back corners of it that new members could not access and pulled out the tribe's shame. I asked the spirits to show her that fateful night from Sam's perspective, the night he had destroyed their lives. I showed them how he had instantly fallen for Emily much to his confusion. I then let it play to its fruition so Leah could see how she had turned on her cousins, red-faced and screaming at them, priming Sam to want to defend Emily. And I did not stop the vision as Leah shrieked that she hated her cousin, and how she wanted her dead.

We saw through Sam's eyes the bloodlust followed by the numb sight of the devastation he had wrought. Then Sam's anguish stabbed against them as he flung himself at the barrier Paula had created around Leah half a second too late. We felt his hate. We felt his love. We felt his agony at the sight of Leah, his love, the mother of his child – his children he hoped. The last thing I had them see was the headless bodies of her cousins as their faces were frozen in eternal soundless screams. Leah maintained her human form only through the judicious application of my, Grace's, and Jasper's gifts. Seth, too. She appeared gutted. Even the birds sang to her.

Grace noted that Phoenix and his army were approaching. I said to Marcus. "We are so close. Would you mind buying us some time with Phoenix?" He and his wife, and their five sons all linked minds and created a portal with a scrap of fabric saved from Phoenix's clothing.

Phoenix did not march in the midst of his army, he pugnaciously waddled.

"My, all this for me?" Marcus said aloud, startling the mighty mouse – I mean fearsome immortal who had slain so many. The diminutive troll ducked close to the ground and peered about suspiciously.

Belatedly, he realized his crouch did not offer the brave visage expected of a general and rose to his feet, all five-foot-two of him.

"It takes more than a little tussle with you to stop me," he spat. "I'm coming for you, asshole."

"Stupendous! Let's meet at the Quileute reservation in an hour shall we? Just east of it."

"Fine! I'm definitely going to leave you something to remember me by."

I think he called Marcus a stupid trucker.

I could hear the geezers in the background rubbing their hands together in glee. Phoenix's soldiers to a last one had stopped breathing in order to avoid the new scent we'd baptized him with. Eue de fecal-coated skunk.

"Oh and message-boy?" Marcus called.

"My name is Phoenix."

"You clearly need to have another chat with Antigone. Do tell her that I've seen the size of her and your armies and that I am sincerely embarrassed for her. Here, I'll offer you inspiration."

Marcus reached through the portal and sliced off Phoenix's left foot at the ankle. He moved so fast, neither Phoenix nor his soldiers even detected it. One second Phoenix stood there shouting at the sky, and the next he howled furiously as he hobbled on his stump.

"Bastard! Now you're just pissing me off." He shook his one remaining fist at the sky, and then turned to his confused associates, "Bah, it's just a flesh wound. Stop staring!" He bellowed at his troops.

Emmett and Jasper had been made privy to the circle's antics and laughed, slapping their sides. "Christ, he's even quoting Monty Python!" When did my brothers start speaking to mountebank snakes? Oh, never mind. I had more important things to ponder.

Seth stroked Bella's forehead and said, "C'mon Swan, for your baby brother?" He placed his head against her chest, and listened to her uneven heart. Leah wept without a noise, a singular quality I admired about her, aside from her good taste in siblings. Her tears rolled down Bella's hand and wrist. Held in my Mother's arms, surrounded by the Clearwater children, and mountainous European werewolves, serenaded by Grace and Genghis, and her flock of birds of prey, with me standing there like a simpleton, Bella returned to the living.

"Hey. What?"

I noticed her eyes skimmed right past me without registering an expression. And she spoke in a rusty voice to no one in particular. "We have _got _to stop doing this."

Briefly, she glanced at me on the last word. I tried to pour all my love for her into a single glance. She had no reaction to my unspoken plea, as her eyes slid to Seth and Leah.

The Clearwaters forgot about that whole "I don't like to be touched," issue Bella had, and wrapped her in their embrace, Mother, too, as I mentally yelped at them about Bella's shoulder injury. Genghis somehow managed to wriggle in there as well with a happy woof, the cur. I wanted to tear them all, except Mother, of course, away. Especially the damn dog.

Mother said, "Bella, sweetheart, you have had us all so worried. Thank you, God," Mother directed that last part to the Almighty as she rubbed Bella's hair in the manner that she had preferred as a young child.

Jugurtha said, "If you pounce on Bella to show your affection, she will most likely be traumatized and create a scene. You cannot afford that in public. You have to be the stoic mate off to battle now that he's ensured her welfare. Everyone will expect that of you." I'd show him stoic.

Starched Shirt Edward clapped his hands, "Our prayers are answered! Our dear little one has returned. I must offer psalms in thanks."

I smiled happily at Arria and internally seethed, _"If you try to block me, I'm afraid I'll have to fight you, and considering I beat your Mother with little effort, you had better consider your chances. Bella needs to sleep, and seeing herself surrounded by thousands of immortals right now will terrify her." _

I refrained from telling Arria that I'd tell on her to her Father if she did not comply. Which was low. But I would do it in a heartbeat. Miss Precious-raised-as-an-only-child did not know a thing about sibling warfare and parents. I could run supersonic rings around her in that department.

Making her sleep ensured that any conversing Bella had to do could be done in private, not in front of thousands of prying ears. And after what I had told her about my family on the day I had left, this was going to be all kinds of awkward. Not that I'd admit anything to anyone.

For the record, if she spoke out of turn, Bella was still recovering from shock and trauma and confused. Her present silence only proved that point. I was going to have to go handle our enemies, and then start groveling later. The ring and necklace blazed in my pocket like a guilty conscience.

Rosalie said, "Bella, welcome back, we are taking you to the house for treatment for your heart." My wife's eyes softened as they landed upon the sleeping children. "They are safe, thanks to you." Rosalie said. "You were so very brave. Now, you need to focus on getting better, and of course we'll be with you every step of the way. We missed you so much."

The mulish expression that crossed my little Grandmaster's face caused me to worry that she would fight. It changed when she locked eyes with Sergei, his wife, and I presumed four sons, who resembled lost tree trunks from the old growth forest. She relaxed as both Sergei and Arria inclined their brows in assent.

One of Sergei's sons walked and stood by Bella's side. This was entirely unacceptable. He hurled figurative daggers with his icy eyes right back at me. I did not have to be a mind reader to detect those lucky for him subtle sibling-like thoughts he felt towards my mate. He had no idea that Bella and I had temporarily set aside our betrothal. His rage stemmed at me for leaving her vulnerable without a word of comfort for all that time. And he was, in that regard, absolutely right.

Then his entire family blocked me with ease. Which was wrong. I would have to worry about them later. I told Jugurtha to add them to our list. With a wave I sent Bella to sleep. And nothing happened.

Arria walked over, and knelt on the ground by a wary Bella. She reached out and caressed her daughter's forehead. "Sleep child. I will be here when you awaken. You are safe, and you must rest for the sake of your heart." And so she did. What was that?

My chest began to pain me. Arria had not attempted to block my power in any manner that I could discern. My ability to send Bella to sleep simply did not work. This merited further testing. And Arria totally stole my line. _I _was the one who was supposed to tell Bella that she was safe.

"Don't panic," Jugurtha soothed. "Bella's actually speaking now. This is a wonderful sign."

Arria said to me mentally, _"Your powers, I can only assume, no longer work on Bella because while you were gone she has mentally grown in strength. Then there are the biting words you said to her that damaged your bond. You and your family think I blocked you, but I did not." _

"_I accept my part in this. My wolf powers turned me into a newborn again, but with double the problems. I lost my temper with Bella because of it months ago. And I will spend every second of forever trying to make it up to her. You did not send her to sleep when you know you should have. And it was horrifyingly cruel. She is like that because of both of us."_

Arria stunned me by offering remorseful eyes. _"I made a promise to Liam, one I cannot break, that she would not be turned until she was at least nineteen. When she was with your family, she was so eager to become one of you. I showed her that scene because I feared she would again start to want to be changed. Liam was convinced she would die and was researching if it was even possible when he passed. Bella had not said a word on the way to Italy, and I have seen her be silent for long periods of time before."_

"_You wanted her human to carry the next Telecles heir."_

"_Edward, you and I both know her heart is too weak. I would never put her through the strain of carrying a child." _

"_Are you telling me you were willing to defy your family, and let her die human without passing on the family line?"_

"_Why would I put her through that, when I could simply have another child? Now, thanks to my mother's unceasing ambition, my daughter has been revealed to the world."_ Arria did not sound pleased.

Jugurtha said, "Remember she only met her mother months ago. They do not appear to have much of a bond. This is interesting. And we can use it. Provided she speaks the truth and is not testing us."

"Excellent point. Well, do you think she speaks the truth?" I asked my predator.

"Actually, I do," he and Starched Shirt Edward said at the same time.

"She did not defend herself earlier because she did not want to reveal her defiance to her relations. If I had to guess, there is no way on Earth she would allow anyone to touch her daughter. She seems to feel true remorse and anger at what Bella experienced."

"So why did she bring her to the caves?"

"She couldn't leave her and she had to bring her troops personally to fetch her Father. And Bella was silent, but calm from her description. Apparently, Arria did not realize how damaged Bella was. Remember she thought the necklace would heal any physical damage on Bella. Arria has little experience with humans, let alone her own daughter. If I had to guess, I'd say she stayed away from the tiny human line they had because it reminded her of her daughter." I'd have to ponder that idea later. My sister drew me from my conversation with Arria.

Mary Alice said to the surviving Clearwaters, "We were so sorry to hear about your parents. Bella is sleeping now, and she is speaking, thanks to you. When the fighting is done, please come to the house. You are welcome to live with us as long as you like." Leah stiffened, Mary Alice added, "Your sister needs you, and we have plenty of guest cottages." That made Leah's mouth snap shut.

Leah opened her mouth to argue and I groused at her, _"We're about ready to head into battle. You have a choice. You can face the enemy in wolf form or as a naked human. Which is it? I will not tolerate you being rude to my family because they were ambushed in Alaska for months fighting for their lives. Silly them, they thought she was safe with the pack and Arria. And I don't think Bella's most- powerful- immortals- in- the- world grandparents like you very much. Way to go making a first impression. They'd kill you without a second thought, and tell Bella you fell bravely in battle. And in case you haven't noticed, you are surrounded by thousands upon thousands of immortals that are hanging on your every word. Bella, to them, is literally royalty. Insult her at the risk of your life. If you cannot control your temper I will have no choice but to change you back into a human."_

"_You can really do that?"_ Her quiet demeanor caught me off guard. She sounded like a frightened child. Which. . .damn it all, she was. The poor girl acted awfully immature for her age.

"_The spirits taught me how to make wolves and how to unmake them as well. I would only do it to protect the tribe."_ I left out saying, "Because the idea of you harming me is laughable, but I suspect she received that message. I continued, _"Leah, if you died, it would cause all sorts of problems for not only the tribe, but for Seth and Bella. So yes, I would turn you back to a mortal without hesitation if you cannot control yourself. Bella needs you. Seth, too."_

Leah said nothing but glared at me, and the ground. She perused an icicle hanging like a shark's tooth from a distant tree limb. Capriciously, she moved from fright to indignation. _"You have some gall marching in here acting like you care. Making me see that with Sam. Where were you, oh great shaman, all this time?"_

"_Obtaining over a hundred thousand reinforcements to protect the tribe. You?"_

Mentally, I said to Marcus and my family, _"Bella does not understand the concept of a vampire mate. I do not want her unnecessarily stressed until such a time as she is strong enough."_

Rosalie surprised me by saying, _"I agree. She is too fragile. We still need to test her heart. She cannot deal with any more stress."_

Father and Mother's silence indicated their assent.

Marcus inquired, "What is it you want, Edward?"

"_Please order your men that they are to never speak of Bella around the wolves. In any way." _

If I asked him to order his men not to refer to her as my mate, that would send even more bachelors flying towards Bella with outstretched arms and posies. Marcus appreciated my position.

Marcus said, _"That seems a prudent course of action, and only a small portion of my men even speak English. Bella should be informed at a time when she is strong. I will not, however, lie to her." _The odds of her turning to Marcus and chirping, "Hey Grandfather, by any chance did I mate with anyone recently?" were slim.

Jugurtha said, "He is supporting you, but also giving you enough rope to hang yourself with. He'll hold his silence, but if she asks later, he'll tell her you asked him to. Clever."

I turned back to Leah and said, _"Do I have a decision?"_ I wanted to call her Stinkzilla. But that would have been accurate. And kinder than she deserved. But if Bella could forgive Leah, there existed hope for me. I had, as Starched Shirt Edward piously pointed out, the sin of pride hanging over my head thinking I was better than Leah. Well, I was. Better _for_ Bella. But still.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You have just pointed out Leah's role in the deaths of her cousins. And she feels genuine remorse about Bella. You would do well to show her compassion. She lost virtually everything. And now she realizes her part in it. Remember, she carried a babe."

Reading Leah's present thoughts, Starched Shirt Edward was dead-on accurate. That should offer her sufficient motivation on the battle field to kill the bad red-eyed people.

I spoke solely to her mind, _"Leah, what happened with Sam was a ghastly tragedy, and had I been in your place I would have probably acted the same. Wolves turn because the shaman wakes them up by activating the wolf gene and the women of the tribe are collectively frightened. Vampires don't, aside from me, have that power. I have lived for over a hundred years. Never have I met a soul with as pure a heart as Bella. She will forgive you. She loves you. You are important to her. And I will offer you any aid that I can." _And I truly meant every word.

Leah sniffed and wiped at her face. I handed her a fresh handkerchief supplied by Father, "_Bella hasn't forgiven Charlie or Renee,"_ she reminded me.

"_Did you lie to her every day for over fifteen years about her having a disability and deny her medical attention for the aforementioned condition that could have improved her life?"_

"_No."_

"_Did you pretend nothing happened once you knew that your daughter had discovered your deception, and insist you'd do it all over again?"_ I asked.

She stared over at Bella guilt inscribed all over her face.

"_No. I screamed horrible things at her at Mom's funeral. You have no idea how awful I was to her. I was . . . My family has been all she's had for years and I screamed that she had killed them. She's so shy and quiet, and she's been so sick. Edward, she jumped two hours later. And it was my fault."_ She wiped at her eyes and nose. I did not need Jasper's gift to detect the self-loathing.

"_Leah, you were out of your mind with grief. Grace showed me what happened. You had never phased before. When you have untapped newborn wolf powers the slightest things can set you off." I showed her in supersonic flashes the story of Lee Quill and his family. "You could have killed Bella, her father, and half the mourners then and there, and you did not. And I understand the rages. I have felt them, too. They are like someone else has control of your mind and body. And when I'm under their power I blow things up like rocks and trees."_

"_But I wanted to kill her. God, why am I even telling you this?" _Leah wailed.

This was the tricky part,_ "Because aside from Sam, I'm probably the only person who understands. Your emotions were being controlled by the nascent wolf powers. Leah, you did not make her leap from the cliff. And you can never mention her jump aloud around these immortals. You can't even think of it as some of them can read minds."_ I showed her which ones and what ranges they required. "_The official story Arria is telling everyone is that Bella took flight, intending to use her powers to save herself and that they failed to engage in time."_

"_Why would they give a damn? And what powers?"_

"_Suicide in their culture is taboo, and they would think less of her. And because of who Bella is, she will most likely have immortals around her for the rest of her life guarding her. I'm not sure on the powers part, Arria claims she has developed some."_

I sent Leah and Seth and John as many images at wolf speed as I could in order to convey the gist of the situation. I left out all that partial mate bond business. As far as they knew, I was Bella's exhausted boyfriend, and every single immortal male on the planet was going to try and separate us out of political avarice. From reading the pack mind, Bella had not uttered a word to a soul about breaking up with me. I knew, just knew, if she hadn't told Seth or Leah, then she had not breathed a word to anyone beyond what she had said to Ben and Angela on that day. And both of them would have kept silent. I had the most amazing mate in the world! She knew how to keep a secret like no one else. She spoiled me still. And I totally owed Angela and Ben. I'd have to send them to college.

Primly, I said to Jugurtha, "Schedule time for us to ensure that we muzzle the Fake Canadians from re-telling what they witnessed on that day eight months ago. Bella's privacy should be protected."

He said, "Her Mother, I would bet, has already handled that task. Did you detect that any but those who had witnessed knew aside from Arria? I did not." Good point.

There were thousands of Fake Canadians nearby and a quick scan of their thoughts indicated ignorance of the dreadful scene. I also noticed the ones that had been there were keeping well away from those that could read minds. Interesting.

_Leah said, "What do you want?"_

"_Simply for you to be there for Bella."_ The picture of piety, I held my palm to my heart as I addressed the Clearwaters, "_I'm asking you to do this for Bella. She is going to have vampires throwing themselves at her left and right in order to try and curry favor with her Grandparents."_

"_God, Swan will hate that."_ Seth noted the obvious.

"_I know. And she'll have even more admirers if they think she is weak. We can't have that."_

Speaking of weak, the sooner we obtained medical care for Bella, the sooner I'd be able to clear up that unfortunate episode of tremendously ill-timed truth telling. It was back to the Golden Rule for me. If she could forgive Leah, who had screamed abuse and had hurled dirt at her in front of a crowd, then surely she'd open her heart to me. I hadn't accused her of murder, or being responsible for any kind of crime. Although she had killed someone, but that involved special circumstances. I had lost my head and had unthinkingly blurted the truth, but had the Fake Canadians around to ensure her protection. Jugurtha and I had managed to persuade Marcus Telecles and a hundred thousand of his closest friends to come all the way to Forks.

How hard could it be to persuade one glorious human female such as Bella to marry me? It was for us. And she could not be my mate if she did not love me. So that was a bonus point in my favor. And this time, I really did love her. So that was another bonus point. Vampire physiology said so. She said, 'yes' before with little persuasion. To marriage, mind you, and I treated her with respect. Mostly. But definitely would in the future.

John interrupted my machinations and said dryly through the wolf link, "_Are you telling me that Bella is now vampire bait?" _As soon as those words formed in his mind, he wished he could snatch them back.

Changing the subject seemed prudent.

"_How did the reservation catch fire?"_ I asked John.

"_We bused our women and children to Canada on a sunny day with a set of wolves, and set the fire ourselves. We figured this was our last stand and we weren't leaving a stick for them to take. Now are you going to yammer all night or are you going to come and help?"_

I made a mental note to anonymously pay for tattoo removal for Leah and her Sam-adorned backside. To them both I declared aloud, "Your parents were marvelous decent people. I will help you avenge them."

Leah snorted, but tellingly remained silent.

Seth kept an excellent poker face and shut his mind to me._ "Why now after all these months?"_ he finally asked.

"_The spirits could not reach me while I hunted other vampires."_ That was technically true. They sure tried to reach me. And I had ignored them. Teddy Roosevelt and Sitting Bull had made a distinct impression. "_I sincerely had no idea until a few days ago there was anything wrong. My family could not use their cell phones as Phoenix blocked the signals."_

"_It did not occur to you to call my parents and check on us or Bella? Your fingers look fine," _Leah observed.

Sometimes. Just sometimes, the bald truth represented the prudent course of action. Well, part of the truth. "_I did not call my own family, either, because I sincerely expected to die fighting. We all have things we have done that we regret."_

Marcus announced decidedly, "Time is up." He turned and began a bracing pace.

Surrounded by an army, my bride and family, save Jasper and Emmett, winked out of existence, which was all kinds of disconcerting to the panicked wolves.

"I sent them to your domicile," Marcus explained aloud in English.

"Relax, they're fine," I assured the wolves.

Father, assisted by Rosalie, took Bella to the medical room and began preparing her for tests. I would keep an eye on her. She had yet to speak again, and for some odd reason, Arria stood by her side and refused to leave the room. Not that anyone asked her. Odd. Very odd.

"She's safe for now. Focus on not tripping over that log right there." Jugurtha pointed and warned as I bounded over it in the nick of time.

Jasper picked up on my anxiety; the amount I elected to show him, and thought, "_Edward, it will be okay. We have to take these fights one at a time."_ He looked at Emmett like I was going to explode into a demonic fury at any second. Which I totally would once we got in front of the proper audience.

"C'mon big guy. Let's go show these hooligans that they can't come to our town and disrespect it like that." Emmett slapped my back. His hand felt cold.

Finding Douglas in his tree, I managed to find him at a more convenient time, and sent him a greeting. He seemed to be happy that I had returned and wanted to schedule an appointment. And he requested that I bring Bella.

"We need to purchase more nuts. The ones at home must be stale," I told Jugurtha.

Leah and Seth ran behind. Leah snorted at Emmett's cheery comment. I'd have to educate her.

Together in theory, separated in spite, we sprinted into the forest to greet the rising sun and raging inferno. Speaking to Seth had required me to use extra power because of his mental frequency. Remembering the lesson I had learned many months ago, I used my gifts to their fullest ability and took advantage of Hezekiah's staff which focused the power. I listened as closely as I could to scan the environment, to see, of course, if Seth believed me.

"_Edward?"_ a weak voice whispered, pulling me from my consultation.

"_Paula?"_

* * *

Closing Song:

Book of Love – Peter Gabriel

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=6nZGv8VTBVE

**Snarky Summary:**

**Edward gets more than an eyeful of Douglas and his mate. And he's still apologizing for it. **

**The family sets up temporary camp while they prepare an attack plan. Edward shows everyone the extent of his preparation. The family realize that Edward has a little weight problem. Seriously. Edward gets take out. Marcus takes Edward along on a mind trip of all mind trips. Arria and Esme stop fighting long enough to see to Bella's welfare. Edward apologizes to Bella. Again. What a guy.**

**Vivinna tells Alice not to worry, she's been doing some digging in her family tree. She's got her back. Make that Alice's Father's spine. Her Mom's legs, too. **

**Marcus= 2 Phoenix= -2**

**Jane= 1 Edward= 2**

**The very idea of Jane eyeballing Edward's package is a thought so sick and twisted that even I contemplated writing it but decided against it at the last moment. I have standards. *sniff* and she would have been in no way sexually aroused when trying to make a point to him on gentlemanly decorum. I thought the threat of the electrified penis routine was every bit as effective. She really knows how to light a guy's fire, I'll give that to her. And she did so in the name of family loyalty, after all. She can't have Edward embarrassing them now that she's officially related to the weasel. He already made a spectacle of himself in Italy, although that can be explained away as part of an ingenious scheme crafted by Marcus and Vivinna to divert everyone's attention from the real invasion. And I really liked the idea of Edward threatening to reverse puberty on her. Sue me. **

**Edward does the, "Honey, I'm home!" speech times two, and ****learns disturbing news about the pack. And Leah sure knows how to give a man a proper homecoming welcome. Someone's destined to remain celibate not-by-choice-forevermore. ****Why don't we just play pin the tail on the donkey since everyone in the room wants a piece of Main Edward's ass? Even his own Parents. **

**Leah is tapping me on the shoulder an insisting that she has better taste in men and when I write that "she wants a piece of Edward's ass," she is in no way sexually aroused. Main Edward is answering back that God has blessed him so.**

**Speaking of the Clearwaters, we learned that Edward is not the only one who has some apologizing to do to Bella as Leah wins the story's award for bitchiest of them all. I can't wait till she finds out what Arria did to Bella in forcing her to watch that gorefest. Arria and Leah in a room. Oh Hell, it wouldn't even be a contest, but Leah might whine something epic before being dispatched to the great stinky beyond. Edward gave her a dose of memory and emotion therapy by forcing her to relive Sam's imprinting. Leah has been schooled.**

**Genghis is tapping me on the shoulder and asking me to let you all know that he is currently attempted to scour the stench from his gums that Main Edward left. He was merely taking a little rest and did not require such repulsive attentions. And he most definitely is pissy about it and plans on letting Edward know. **

**Leah and Edward do some bonding. Not that kind. Edward promises to help her out of the goodness of his cold-hearted nature. What a prince. **

**Grace and Edward reconnect and she scares the beJesus out of the Lost Coven armies, except of course, for the Legionnaires of Doom. She'll have to work on that. Edward and Arria have an interesting private chat about Bella. It seems Arria has her own agenda when it comes to her daughter, one that Vivinna might not like. **

**Carlisle, Mary Alice, Rosalie, Esme, Arria and Carmen return to the house accompanied by their human family/guest to take care of Bella, the toddlers, and Merrisol. The rest go off to war.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Research Notes:**

"**Off" is a brand of bug spray sold in the United States:**

http://www (dot) off (dot) com/

The Chipmunks are cartoon characters that have distinctive high squeaky fast voices. I can't help but think of Douglas when I see this film clip.

http://www (dot) chipmunks (dot) com/

**The Olympic Peninsula Audobon Society is of great help in learning about the birds in the area during the time frame I've written the story:**

http://www (dot) olympicpeninsulaaudubon (dot) org/shell (dot) php?page=birds_where

http://www (dot) olympicpeninsulaaudubon (dot) org/shell (dot) php?page=bird_sightings_2008_No_1

**This is a Golden Eagle. They look a little scary to me:**

http://www (dot) glaciermt (dot) com/golden-eagle (dot) php

**The Cornell lab of Ornithology is a cool site to learn about birds. Gorgeous pictures, too.**

http://www (dot) birds (dot) cornell (dot) edu/

**This is the best explanation for why our breath creates fog in the cold I've ever read: **http://www (dot) newton (dot) dep (dot) anl (dot) gov/askasci/gen99/gen99839 (dot) htm

**REI is a chain of stores that sells outdoor equipment and camping gear:**

http://www (dot) rei (dot) com/

**The Ransom of Red Chief is a hilarious story by O'Henry:**

http://classiclit (dot) about (dot) com/library/bl-etexts/ohenry/bl-ohenry-ransomred (dot) htm

**Portable CT scanners really do exist:**

http://www (dot) medpagetoday (dot) com/MeetingCoverage/RSNA/11989

**Here is more about the legend of the thunderbird:**

http://animal (dot) discovery (dot) com/tv/lost-tapes/thunderbird/

**Scientists link the story to the pterosaur which was a flying reptile as large as a small plane.**

http://animals (dot) howstuffworks (dot) com/extinct-animals/pterosaur-info (dot) htm

**A Clydesdale is a really big horse.**

http://www (dot) equine-world (dot) co (dot) uk/about_horses/clydesdale_horse (dot) htm

**Tuberculosis took the lives of many famous people:**

(dot) gov/dhss/dph/dpc/tbfamouspeople (dot) html

**The U.S. Army really does have a division of scientists that test gear for soldiers, like Q (short for Quartermaster) in James Bond:**

http://www (dot) arl (dot) army (dot) mil/www/default (dot) htm

**And Edward says reading some of their research papers on keeping people warm is like child's play, they are so easy to find.**

http://oai (dot) dtic (dot) mil/oai/oai?verb=getRecord&metadataPrefix=html&identifier=ADA275603

**This is an example of the head brace that Edward saw Phoenix wearing:**

http://radiofreephoenix (dot) com/images/bob%20dylan%20-%20harmonica (dot) jpg

**I had never heard of hoarfrost. This web site explains the history of words:**

http://www (dot) takeourword (dot) com/TOW183/page2 (dot) html

**English is a redundant language. Scholars say so.**

http://docs (dot) google (dot) com/viewer?url=http://www (dot) uni-due (dot) de/~bj0063/doc/shannon_redundancy (dot) pdf&pli=1

**The history of the word 'dude' is like awesome:**

http://www (dot) livescience (dot) com/strangenews/dude_linguist_041208 (dot) html

**Multiple nerdy scholars said so. Word. Seriously.**

http://www (dot) jstor (dot) org/pss/455525

**If you don't know who Monty Python is, you really should.**

http://www (dot) intriguing (dot) com/mp/

**The science of microexpressions is funny. John Cleese says so.**

http://www (dot) wisegeek (dot) com/what-is-a-microexpression (dot) htm

**Some believe you can use this to spot liars**

http://www (dot) paulekman (dot) com/

http://news (dot) bbc (dot) co (dot) uk/2/hi/health/3743448 (dot) stm

**Part of Jugurtha's lines were inspired by a haiku contest that Salon ran. Seriously:**

http://baetzler (dot) de/humor/haiku_error (dot) var

**The Quileute tribe's language is unique and they are perhaps the oldest tribe in the Pacific Northwest**

http://www (dot) ihs (dot) gov/facilitiesservices/areaoffices/portland/portland-tribe-quileute (dot) asp

**And they are indeed a small tribe:**

http://www (dot) quileutes (dot) com/quileute-indian-reservation/the-quileute-tribe (dot) html

**Origami is entertaining:**

http://art-smart (dot) ci (dot) manchester (dot) ct (dot) us/how_to/ori_swan1 (dot) html

**Learn more about the self-serving bias here:**

http://changingminds (dot) org/explanations/theories/self-serving_bias (dot) htm

**The history of DNA is a must read:**

http://www (dot) ceoe (dot) udel (dot) edu/extreme2004/genomics/dnahistory (dot) html

* * *

**Stay tuned for the next edition of As Phoenix Burns, and the Legionnaires Return. Oh, Main Edward is going to be learning a lesson or two at Bella's hands coming up.**

**Please review, Douglas says it will drive him and his mate nuts. Seriously.**


	55. HOD pt 44 Um, Sorry

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/DouglasReadyforhiscloseup (dot) jpg

**Douglas sends his very best. And Edward and Bella most definitely will be in this chapter. Honest. Strap on those seat belts. **

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Leahaswolf-1 (dot) jpg

**Meet Paula in wolf form**

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Italianalpsfrost (dot) jpg

**This is a sea anemone**

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/seaanenome (dot) jpg

**And if ever an image to me described Bella at this point in the story, it's this:**

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/SwanSong (dot) jpg

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Four – Um, Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.****No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this.****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.

Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills. It is an act of love and dedication to read 150 plus pages. Twice. I bow before them.

Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for reading a draft of this chapter (and the next) and offering me priceless feedback.

And thanks to the ladies on the thread at Twilighted, and the ones at Twitter for general hilarity and inspiration. Feel free to follow me at Bookishqua. I'll follow you back.

**As ever, thanks so much for reading!**

**Shout outs to my muses! Thanks for the reviews, pm's, tweets, and general awesomeness, which help more than you will ever know. Thanks for sticking with me all this time: Jenn9394, Mosekemom, AngielNCarter, antipyro, summerc79, smiles, Robs_Muse, sexysadie13, Rogue, anniebme, madzee, fanficreader83, MsLessa, Merrisol, Rgwmnks, TraceyJ, jenejes, pomme_de_terre, mav, notmyself, elphabacy35, lost star, JaJiTaXx, redsoxlove, cavriola, sariedee, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, June, Disney Vampire, mizra, mortangel, mzzmjj, treya, DawnStimson, dellatwi, PJAustin, Teeks0412, jmolly, Mutt N. Feathers, Lady Dragona, prettyflour, CindyWindy, favludo, avidreader69, viridis73, peircenb, codelina, Angelbach, fitten, malachite flames, Solenoidbelle, Lily Forth, Isla the Island, TheBrunetteDevil, Twi-Hard Girl, and lovelifeX2.**

**

* * *

**

**Snarky Satire: In a remarkable feat of self-control, I have refrained from posting a satire as an AN that I've written about Edward and Bella's current predicament – and what Douglas thinks about it. You'll have to check it out on Twilighted's thread for the story here. Please do not drink anything while reading. You have been warned:**

**http:/www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=33&t=1210&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=2320**

**

* * *

**

**Snarky Summary:**

**Things you need to know from previous chapters that will aid you with this one are first: Genevieve spent weeks using Bella like a spiritual sock puppet sending baffling messages galore about the "red-eyed people" and one night things got a little out of control. You might want to brush up on the Be Still My Beating Heart section to recall how Bella got scarred. Edward lost his temper in the Sword of Damocles chapter and put Arria and her Fake Canadians and every lost coven in a thousand mile radius on a diet of no-algae in order to force her to sign a new treaty concerning that "no-biting Bella" conundrum. Would that make them extreme-vegan? Anyway, some of the other covens revolted against Arria for hoarding the food supply for a mere century or nine. Heartless wench. Vivinna had plucked a ranting Edward from the ocean and had insisted he be bathed, shaved, shorn, and sent on his merry way to Italy after a cozy chat. Mother of a heartless wench. She also kind of sort of arranged his attire and appearance to match old legends of a green demon that the old snotty aristocrats all fear like the human version of the bogeyman. Or Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddie Kruger mated with Jason from the Halloween movie franchise. Or the Alien and the Predator – never mind that combo sucked. And Edward for the record, had a blast. In Italy.**

**Edward had promised to train the new shaman in exchange for the continued use of his Quileute powers. He believed he left Paula with knowledge aplenty, wolves a-trained, and Bella a-protected. Imbecile. Oh, and Hezekiah also let Edward know that during his own human life, he had two tests, and yowza - the second one was a real killer. Edward has already had one exam, that whole, you must sacrifice dealio he thought meant "Kill your human girlfriend." Whoops. Jasper learned, much to his distress, that he was a bigamist as his childhood sweetheart wife he long believed burned to an ember appeared and demanded he leave that floozy Mary Alice – or she would dismember….never mind. Wife number one did not take rejection well. At all. And let's face it, the unflappable Jasper really seriously sucketh at telling his Penelope-was-a-wuss-in-comparison-like wife who has butchered thousands and relentlessly searched for him since the Civil War that he's no longer that into her. He's into someone else. And has been for fifty years. Sorry. Can he please have his Grandmother's ring back to give to Mary Alice seeing as Annie/Victoria/What's her face has taken such good care of it all this time? Kthxbai. It is a time-honored Southern tradition to have a crazy ex-girlfriend. Jasper is just into the extreme version of Southern culture. And he's deplorably bad, considering he's all Major Emo, at letting a girl down easy. Main Edward would like you to know that had Jasper merely shown a little more tact and set up separate households and used an inventive line or two thousand, all this could have been avoided. How hard can it be to keep two women so sexually satisfied they ask no questions? Amateur.**

**Speaking of which, Edward decided to go gadding about the country in search of his brother Jasper's legal wife's head, and legs, and arms, and ass – morally speaking of course – to prevent his family distress. Our boy-wondering-what-the-heck-is-causing-him-so- much-pain had the strong desire to turn her into an old flame in more ways than one. So he got a little side-tracked, while figuring out about that whole rebellion Maria had planned. He gained his human memories back, including what "love" feels like. While he was at it he also figured out at long last that golly-gee-willikers, he's truly in love with Bella. Who knew? **

**That makes that whole heartfelt, "I *sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff* *sniff* *snort* *sniff, sniff* totally lied to your weak mortal brain so I could keep huffing your…..scent….your blood….." speech um, awkward. It's not like he can fall to his knees, look at her and achingly claim in velvet tones, "Bella, I lied." *pouts* *dazzles* *glitters* *pants on her fifty times for good measure* *saunters* *crashes and burns* Fine. He could **_**totally**_** say (and do) that, but he'd actually BE lying, the sanctimonious rat bastard. Although the panting, upon further deliberation, is not a bad idea. Note to Main Edward…**

**Imagine his astonishment when the whole gang shows up for a feast day in the catacombed caverns of the Volturi and Marcus stages a coup – decides to reanimate some old friends and loved ones (known as his Legions of Doom), and Arria decides to bring Bella along in a Bring-Your-Daughter-To-Work kind of scenario - her being the doting VampMom and all. And Edward kind of goes diva expending copious amounts of spiritual powers in order to defend his dear little dilapidated daffodil. Oh and he has a family reunion of sorts with the O'Farrell family that the Volturi have held in prison for a mere fifty years. Time flies when you're having fun. And he arranges for the turning of a Canadian school-teacher named Merrisol. **

**Throwing an epic snit, Bella decides to give everyone the silent treatment. Seeing Bella naked for the first time…in months…like **_**that**_**…does not have Edward aroused or amused. In any way. He's ready to go kick some ashes and worry about recording names later. And no, Bella does not suffer from an eating disorder in this story JSYK. So after impatiently (Main Edward does not like my preference for the word 'impotently' in that sentence – but we all know he has performance issues) trailing behind Marcus as he rumbles through Romania and throws bonfires a plenty for his dearest friends he hasn't seen in a coon's age, they arrive in Forks. **

**Then Leah throws a stink. Bitch. And we see that she kind of sort of tried to bite Bella's head off at her Mom's funeral. Rude Bitch. And then she told Bella a thing or two along the lines of "My parents are dead and it's all your fault!" Whining Bitch. Somewhere out there there's a village that is missing its idiot. Speaking of which, it takes a veritable village to wake Bella from her stupor. Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Marcus, the Gorgon Vivinna, Skeevy, and Aro – accompanied by Seth and Leah and a legion or nine of soldiers and fake Canadians run off into the night to face Phoenix, Edward hears a familiar voice. Who can it be now? And so we begin.**

Songs for the chapter:

New Order - /Blue Monday

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ZufBoReGFx0&feature=related

Yesterday – Beatles

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ONXp-vpE9eU

Runaway – Del Shannon

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=MoRWaNsnAnA

Madonna – You'll See

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=MMQIdzXi_RE

Douglas has been on the lookout for you:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Douglasonthewatch (dot) jpg

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight - Heart of Darkness - Part Forty-Four - Um, Sorry.**

We lay in bed, and the feel of her lace nightgown that exposed a tasteful-in-more-ways-than-one amount of Bella's luminous skin was incomparable against the bare flesh of my chest.

"Sweetheart," I teased as she sighed.

"Hmm?" She lulled in the half-world between Morpheus' enchanting call and consciousness, as I trailed reverent fingertips over her soft shoulders, brushed aside her hair and teased the nape of her neck. Out of pure wickedness, I slipped my palms underneath her gown and ghosted them across her back only stilling when they reached the end of an entirely different kind of pilgrimage...

"Edward!" Skeevy shouted against the shrieking gale that felt like thousands of tiny arrows sliced into me, cruelly wrenching me from dreams of my beloved bottle cap as I ran in formation. A wintry burst of snow blasted us all, catching me off guard, forcing me to blink away the ice's sting. I landed back into reality courtesy of Skeevy yanking me out of the path of a lying-in- wait-ice-encrusted-spears-pointed-at-me Sitka Spruce. Why did he care about the frigid foliage? Had I hit it, the tree would have died. Not me.

Considering I had fantasized about killing him for months, I found this all kinds of peculiar. He was the demon who had relentlessly hunted Bella for years in her dreams, causing her countless nights of misery, for non-malicious family reunification purposes. But still. I wanted to dislike Skeevy for that, except for the fact that he was too damned nice. Clearly he had the recessive genes in the Telecles family. And I wasn't all that distressed at the idea of him giving Genevieve and Liam nightmares for decades. Drat.

"You seem fatigued," he called as he moved me out of the snow drift that I had landed in gracelessly. My brothers brushed the powder off of me as I stood there like a simpleton. Did I mention I could feel the chill of Skeevy's hands all the way through the multiple layers I wore? Poor Merrisol - his currently turning mate - thank goodness she could not die from the cold. His feet could be the undeath of her. Or appropriated as secret weapons of torture to make immortal enemies chirp like songbirds.

"My thanks." I said. And began running. They followed. And I decided to ignore their concerns that the wind should not be able to impact me seeing as I was a real vampire and all.

"Are you well?" Skeevy repeated. Presenting a composed face to the world, I told myself that pulling up my insulated coat's hood and tying it securely under my chin merely showed my dedication to pretending to be human, not that I actually felt the plunging temperatures. Much. Fine, it was bloody frigid enough to make Satan blanch, and my ear lobes sting. Running camouflaged the chattering of my teeth.

Emmett nudged Jasper and both stared at me as we scurried through the forest winding our way through the old growth trees, trying to leave the mountains behind.

Jugurtha said, "You need to pay attention to your immediate surroundings."

"Bella soon will be my immediate surrounding."

"Yes, but first you have to find a way to persuade her she even wants to speak with you, before you can lure her back to your bed." True. That. Drat. Double Drat. Women! Why couldn't we all just get along? And not require pesky things like genteel sparkling conversation? That seemed perfectly fair.

"Our dear little one is a living saint," Starched Shirt Edward opined. "She will surely forgive us when she witnesses our genuine remorse." Was that a hair shirt I saw peeking out from his collar?

"The sooner this task is completed the quicker we can return to scheming, groveling, and diverting people's attention," Jugurtha suggested. Excellent plan.

_"Edward?" _I heard that weak voice again.

_"Paula?"_

_"Leave!"_

_"Tried that. Not very effective."_ I answered through the shaman link. Its use felt foreign after all these months.

We arrived at a frozen patch of the Hoh River encrusted with small rocks crowned with sea anemone-like frost. To hide our tracks, we jumped over the expanse, leaving the tufts of ice intact. We ran west towards Forks on our way to meet Phoenix's army in battle.

At the mere idea of another gore-venom-fest, Aro became so excited that he sprinted ahead of our group to all but skip with the soldiers who were at the front. Marcus fell back to run beside me, after he and the others saw me trip over a log and avoid falling only due to the mixed blessings of the modicum of vampire grace I still possessed, and the quick left arm of Skeevy. I let the fact that Marcus had been easily outpacing me slip my mind, considering the voice I had just thought I had heard.

_"Edward, what is it?"_

Cupping my forehead in my palm, I tried to rub away the iron-like bands that clamped down upon my skull, _"I heard a mind that cannot possibly exist."_ I must be more tired than I had calculated - and I had already felt exhaustion's toll. Clearly, I had started hallucinating. Which I never did.

_"Whom did you think you heard?"_ He sounded so calm. Calmer than Jasper in calm voice mode.

_"The last Quileute tribal shaman. Charles Swan was courting her. Her name was Paula Black."_

_"If you heard her voice, then why do you speak of her in the past tense?"_

Realizing I could not massage away the pain, I took my hand instead and waved an arm in frustration. _"Arria said Bella and Charles Swan found Miss Black's house covered with her blood months ago. They never recovered a body, but humans cannot lose that much blood and live."_

_"She is a shape shifter, correct?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I would not rule her out so easily. She is the one that Carlisle said had no scent, correct?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Was she also not the one whose mind you had difficulty detecting? Why not try to use these gifts to see if you can find her? If you heard her once, who is to say you cannot capture her mind again?"_

Tsking at my doubtful expression, Marcus advised, _"Edward, warriors must be watched the most at two times, when they are very strong, and when they are weak and have nothing to lose. Both are equally dangerous."_ Unfortunately, I knew about the nothing to lose part.

I asked Grace if she could show me what had happened at Paula's house on that night months ago. She responded, _"No, busy far away. Could not see."_

Tentatively, I reached out using the shaman link, and begged the spirits for aid. I heard nothing but the snow, and the wind, and the roar of the countless minds around me frothing at the mouth in anticipation of war, which come to think of it, were awfully inconvenient at present.

Jugurtha cautioned, "Remember we failed to hear her before because we were not listening at the correct low frequency her mind uses. You have to block everyone else out and focus in order to find it." Right. That. Good man. I adjusted accordingly, and still heard nothing amidst the minds in the region that blared at my pounding head.

Then I received the disturbing image of the crumpled form of a bloody Paula Black huddling in a cave, paws over her head, shivering. Her pain battered against me and flailed like a man on his way to the executioner's, before she slammed down some kind of barrier, using a word I did not understand. Reaching into the collected tribal memories that had been increasingly coming unraveled offered no aid. Wielding Hezekiah's walking stick, I began chipping away at the wall I could not see or touch. Compared to the force that had surrounded Phoenix, and the one used by Arria upon occasion, both of them could take lessons from Paula. I redoubled my efforts.

_"Paula?"_

_"Edward?"_

_"Run!" _She whispered as she flung at me a series of images: a flash of a battle, the sound of screams, whimpers of pain, the warm splatter of gore, venom's sting, and then, I heard no more. The images she had transmitted . . . I wanted to vomit at the fear they induced. And her drinking blood from the neck of a half-dead European werewolf. Ew. Even I had standards. And I know there were jokes about lawyers being blood-sucking leeches. But still.

The last thought I heard from her was the mournful yet defiant, _"It's the only way I can survive," _as I saw her hollow eyes burning green flames tinged with black at the edges back at me. The only problem was they were not supposed to have that pitch coloring so said the ancestral memories. That and the gulping blood like a fraternity pledge with the last beverage at a festive weekend gathering part. Not to be snide, but the Quileutes were revolted by _our_ kind for drinking blood. Someone had double-standards. But her secret was safe with me. I was not about to reveal her as a closet wolf-blood-drinker. Sadly, I was going to have to tutor my student into having better taste.

From listening to the Greek chorus of nearby minds, I appreciated that I looked bad. Too thin, exhausted, twitchy seemed to be the tenor of the majority that ran around me. Others groused about my excessively painful to immortal senses malachite nimbus, temper, and audacity. All of which I totally agreed with as fair criticisms. But Paula? She appeared worse. She was in her wolf form, with an infected wound directly below her throat that did not appear to be healing. One would not be mocked for mistaking her for a sack of bones covered with a thin tarp of ragged fur.

Starched Shirt Edward waved his arms in the hand like stalks of corn in a breeze and wailed, "A woman is in danger. Stop mocking the predicament!"

Jasper asked in Oscan, "Edward, what did you see?"

I did not think they required the specifics, "Paula singlehandedly killing a European werewolf."

Emmett high-fived Jasper, "Good for Paula! Wait. I thought she was dead?"

Marcus halted our progress. He clapped an arm around me and said, "Please send me the thoughts." For Paula's sake, and due to that being stared at by thousands of confused troops, I offered the severely edited version, which Marcus in turn, broadcasted to those around us.

Marcus said, "It appears they attacked her and caught her off guard."

From the vision she had sent, Paula had been ambushed at her house by a group of immortals and European werewolves that she had never sensed coming. Judging by their "humans are so puny" demeanor in the soundless series of scenes, her attackers had not considered her dangerous. Marcus snorted as he saw the scene unfold.

Jasper said, "You cannot blame them for believing her to be a mere human. We made that mistake once. They aren't as large as the European variety."

The immortals, from Paula's mind, had expected to encounter a human woman they could question before sending to a sloppy demise. They had received the distinctly unwelcome shock of their undead lives when Paula had morphed into a wolf - a large one and had attacked her way through the ranks of the four vampires. I could empathize. Paula was formidable when she chose to be. And those immortals totally deserved everything she did to them. Snotty scoundrels.

"She fights well," Marcus noted. "Did you train her?" he asked Jasper.

"I did."

"You show potential."

I thought Jasper was going to expire from happiness on the spot. His joy soared through the bodies around us putting the already-excited-to-be-hacking-at-another-group-of-hapless-immortal soldiers into a higher plane of ecstasy.

Marcus pointed to one part of the vision. "See those tall men? Those are European werewolves, and they are not phasing."

"Do they only do that when the moon is full?" I asked.

"When they are mature enough, they can phase upon will. Her house appears to be too small for them to transform without shattering the roof."

"Why would they care?" Emmett mused.

Leaving a house with telltale holes in the roof would have been hard to explain. And presuming they had the slightest capacity for logical thought, the most unwelcome callers had no idea how many other of those wolf-like mongrels there were in the immediate vicinity.

She had killed four of the group handily before they decided to take her seriously as a threat. Paula took a swipe at a shelf in the kitchen and sent her spices raining in a cloud all over the immortals. They started choking from the multitude of disgusting odors and with an impressive backhand, Paula then threw in the coup de grace, a canister of something that made the European werewolves fall to the ground and scream in earnest.

"My good man," I poked a finger at Jugurtha, "Please make a note in our diary that a substance called "Tony Chachere's Cajun spice" causes European werewolves considerably delightful distress. And see if we can purchase it from a nearby human store."

Jasper was already ordering up a supply using his Blackberry.

I returned to her ruminations. A snarling female lunged and threw herself on Paula's back. They fell to the ground. The European female managed to tear a chunk of flesh from below Paula's throat before quickly being dispatched with a creative use of a coal skuttle. Jasper particularly appreciated that move. Paula ran out the back door with two irritated immortals on her heels into the deluge and quickly lost them, chanting in a panic the words of the phasing ceremony.

Something was missing from the story she sent. Paula had escaped from what we saw of the memory, and had fought bravely, but acted frightened almost to the point of irrationality. The snobbish immortals would not be able to find her scentless blood in the deluge, and thanks to the wolf gene, she would heal every bit as fast as vampires did from a wound. Yet I could sense from her face and thoughts, pure terror.

Jugurtha peered and scratched his chin, "Her shoulder wound should have healed by now. And it did not. She must have believed she was dying and acted in desperation. Incidentally, I can have a case of that spice product shipped to the Cullen mansion in six hours if you do not mind paying extra."

"Do so."

I said in Oscan to the others who stared at me like I was about to burst into flame and spring into song and dance simultaneously, "Paula Black changed the tribe because she believed she had been mortally wounded and sought to protect the tribe. She never meant to turn Jacob into a wolf. That was done by accident, and she's sorry."

"Who is Jacob?" Marcus interrupted.

"Her idiot nephew and we should probably avoid saying his name," Jasper replied in Oscan, his tone mismatched to the venom of his words. He avoided the gaze of the curious wolves who loped at our side. Their ears had perked up at the only word they had managed to understand in the exchange.

"I see. Why does this concern you? One person becoming a shape shifter should not be a problem. They're awfully small compared to the real wolves I've seen."

"The young man in question is under the delusion that he's going to marry Bella," Emmett snorted.

"_Why_ is he still living?" Marcus chided.

For a second, I had an image of Bella's irate face on that day in the hospital when Jacob Black, esquire, had attempted to lure her to his Father's house with enticements of chili, fornication, and household chores. Idiot. He never stood a chance with her. She was mine. All mine. Just as soon as I could persuade her to speak to me again.

Jasper replied, "At the moment it is politically advantageous, and Bella would never consider his suit." Emmett chimed in his agreement.

"I see. Edward, can you use your ability to detect where the other shaman is now?" Marcus asked.

Feeling like the child caught with his hand in the proverbial spiritual cookie jar, guiltily I moved my mind away from its lurking - I mean monitoring of my family's examination of my mate. Seeing as none of them knew about the whole increased range ability business of mine, and I definitely intended on keeping it that way. I'd have to do some quick thinking. So I parroted what Jugurtha told me to say, "She and I have a mind link because we are both shamans, and I am her teacher. Paula is barely alive in a cave more than eighty miles due east. She's been poisoned."

"Do you have any idea of the size of the force she faces?"

"I only saw flashes here and there of what seemed to be a small coven," I replayed them for Marcus.

"I think this sounds like a mission for her nephew, don't you?"

Jasper snorted, "He's too stupid to live."

Marcus eyes twinkled. "Precisely." Oh right. Brilliant, that. "And even better, we're permitting him to expire as a hero."

I cautioned, "We need the shaman alive, though. She is as smart as Arria." I meant to say 'smarter' but thought the truth in that particular scenario would not do me any favors.

"Then you will have to accompany him. To ensure his soon-to-be-sung about death is not in vain. And I'll send a healer with you who is versed in our poisons. If you encounter a force larger, I can always send reinforcements."

The words, "I'm afraid I'd kill the nephew before the enemy did," somehow lurched from the hinterlands of my brain to my lips. I have no idea what overcame me in that moment.

"Ah. So don't speak to him. You have perfected that technique. Also, bring other shape shifters as witnesses and an incentive to behave."

I might have recently lost my mind, but at least I had the good sense to conduct the next query in the privacy of Marcus' thoughts. _"Phoenix's gift is deadly in person. Can you shield from him?"_

_"Why would I need to?"_ Marcus appreciated my tact and appeared to find it endearing. Wonderful. Now I was cute. In a perfectly childish manly military sort of manner. If he reached across and pinched my cheeks I was going to expire from mortification. Not _those_ cheeks, although that probably would have had the same result. No, most certainly would, I meant to say.

_"Phoenix kills immortals by draining them of all their energy when he comes within a certain distance,"_ I explained, _"And his range could have compounded since he feeds off of his soldiers."_

_"How dreadfully unoriginal. Arria, Carlisle, and Jasper recommended that we can easily bedevil Phoenix by shooting missiles at him and his troops out of the range of his gift. When I use the portal, he cannot wield his power."_ Marcus' smile should stay hidden from sight. He made even me nervous with it, and definitely captured the attention of every other person in the area who watched. From the thoughts of his soldiers, him baring his teeth in that manner meant lots of the enemy dying. _"That means when I do kill him I'm going to make St. Sebastian look like he had an easy death." _Marcus sent me a vision of Phoenix filled with so many poisoned arrows he looked like the vampire equivalent of a porcupine.

Marcus summoned a group of his soldiers forward. "Edward needs to go hunting. See that he does so successfully. Make sure he eats the algae every hour and feeds on at least five large deer every three."

Why did I suddenly feel like a small child left at home for the night with a minder? Ones who looked at me as if they were being left with demon spawn?

He waved at one of his legionnaires to join us; a man whom by the bags he wore was their healer. Marcus said to Skeevy, "Please accompany them as well."

I had thirty legionnaires with me, and ten men from the Fake Canadians - including my least favorite boorish brooding bastard, and ten of Skeevy's joined us.

Jasper thought to me, _"Edward, you have to let the tribe know this immediately."_

_"But."_

_"I know she might not be alive. But if she is and they find out we sat on the information. . . We are in a precarious position with the tribe at present. You have to think strategically."_

_"We brought over a hundred thousand-"_

He interrupted me, clapping me on the back as he ran by my side. _"That's all well and good. And they will certainly be grateful if it helps and they live. But we will also have to answer for the time we left them on their own. We still do not know what happened. And I am going to need you to do your best to find out. A vengeful ally is a dangerous one."_

_"We totally outnumber-"_

He cut me off again. _"Edward, when people are irrationally angry they often don't really care about the odds." _Well, he had me there. I certainly appreciated that sentiment. I think I felt that way when I first arrived at the Volturi catacombs. Things were a bit fuzzy at present. And no disrespect intended, but that phrase should be inscribed on his late wife's tombstone. Thinking of my poor Bella's face as Victoria/Annie whatever the Hell that scorned witch's fifty-eight personalities chose - thinking of the anguish as she literally carved her initials into Bella's shoulder rejuvenated my rage.

Cheerily, Emmett said aloud, "Buddy, tone down the growling part. You're making people nervous. We all know how much you love fighting."

The audacious bastard actually managed to deliver that whopper of a tale with the right touch of benign goodwill to make it believable. I'd firmly established in my brothers' minds during our wrestling matches over the past decades a marked disdain for any form of combat. Emmett considered the recent times he had seen me fight to be aberrations on my part as I had been clearly overwhelmed by those "freaky wolf powers" as he dubbed them.

Using the wolf link, I reached out, and against my better nature, said, _"John, I think Paula is alive. I am going to take Seth and Leah with me. Jacob might want to join us."_

_"Are you sure?"_ What a loaded question.

I sent John alone some of the visions from Paula and said, _"I do not think she would want the others to see this."_ He understood, I suspect, being a quiet man.

Seth asked using the wolf path, _"Edward, what is going on?"_ Leah watched in silence.

_"I just heard Paula's mind. We're planning her rescue."_ That attained their undivided attention. _"John is sending Jacob."_ Now they understood why they had heard Jacob's name earlier, although they did not like being kept out of the loop.

_"I might be wrong, you know,"_ I warned them morbidly.

Jacob whined about being away from all the action until John informed him that Paula might be alive and suddenly, he became the newly converted. Young Mister Black could not wait to reach my side and come to my assistance as he took off in a tizzy. Alas. I looked forward to witnessing his tragic demise. And Jacob looked forward, once his aunt had been secured safe and sound, to teaching me a lesson or two about manners, or the lack thereof. For the first time ever, I was happy to be back in Forks. I could not wait for school to be in session again. We had _so_ much catching up to do.

"No!" Jugurtha ordered me. "You have to be the bigger man."

"I am..."

"Intellectually," Jugurtha snorted, "and he towers over you, and you know it."

"Can you give me one reason why he should not die a noble death tonight? Even Marcus endorses the plan."

"Yes, I've been pondering the issue. First, he is Ephraim's descendent. And it would hurt Ephraim if you killed him." Drat. That was true. Technically.

"Second, if you take him along and let him see you rescuing Paula, he'll owe you."

"Why? I would have rescued her regardless of his presence."

"He doesn't know that. He thinks you are a self-absorbed scoundrel." Well, that was absolutely true, which caused me concern. If a nattering nit-wit like Jacob Black recognized my true character...perhaps I should change his categorization in my mind to an idiot-savant. That worked for me.

"And then there's the last reason," Jugurtha opined, flipping through the pages of Sun-Tzu's masterpiece.

"Which is?"

"Paula promised he would stay human. If we turn him back into a mortal, we look bad. If she does, she's looking out for the welfare of her nephew, the tribe, and she's keeping her word which she broke, and by the treaty has to fix. We are in trouble with the tribe already. We need to point to an example where they broke the treaty as well, so Jacob is our living leverage. Worse, she turned him and left him alone with Bella vulnerable. We can definitely use that."

"And then," Starched Shirt Edward blurted, "you have to consider that Miss Black loves him. And she has been through much suffering, and most likely needs him to aid her in giving her comfort. If we kill him, she would most likely guess. We do not want her as an enemy. We need her friendship. And she has helped us with our dear little one in the past. We absolutely need her oratorical prowess." I noticed he avoided pleading for the life of the weasel nephew on the whole, "Murder is immoral," grounds.

"Fine," I muttered in disgust. "Have it your way." Life was so unfair. I could kill anyone on the planet, except for Jacob Black. Ye Gads.

Jugurtha put Sun-Tzu aside, pored over my schedule, and said, "You have enough time to fit in a rescue if you move quickly. The legionnaires can keep up with you."

One named Quintus handed me a flagon of algae which I drank with a shudder while they all chuckled in sympathy, and laughed at me as if I were a juvenile human partaking of his first alcoholic beverage. Not that I had ever actually done that while alive. Unfortunately. And they were polite enough to ignore me as I faced away from them while feeding upon four deer they brought me, and I attempted to assist as they efficiently buried the corpses well away from the group. The legionnaires insisted I should rest.

As I watched the last one smooth snow over the animals' grave, Skeevy muttered to Jasper, "Edward appears pale - even by our standards." They all thought I stood out of listening range.

"I do not know what to tell you," Jasper added, "I've never seen him look that bad in the fifty years I've known him. And now he's feeling the cold. I do not know if he can suffer from frostbite, but we should probably ask Father. And his emotions are volatile to say the very least, when he's weak."

Emmett texted home with nimble fingers. I had no idea how he used such tiny buttons with his big fingers. After sending a text, "Carlisle, can Edward get frostbite?" he chimed in, "Usually, our sibling doesn't speak but every few decades. Since he met Bella, well, all that has changed. Now he talks a little more, but only when he has to. Mostly, he stands around watching her every move when she's not looking, and pines. Poor guy. He's got it bad."

"We need to make this mission go as quickly as possible," Skeevy cautioned, "Father is worried Edward cannot hold out much longer. He can sense that he is weakening."

"Now it makes sense why he had to be around Bella for his pain to lessen," Emmett mused.

Skeevy said, "I have been told that vampires feel emotional comfort around their mates." Jasper was too polite to tell him that fishing for information about Merrisol - his currently turning mate - was painfully obvious.

"I know," Emmett sighed. "But Bella is an entirely different kind of connection. If he touches her, his physical pain eases as well. We have never seen anything like it."

"Can she heal other vampires?"

"No." Jasper said.

Emmett butted in, "Those freaky wolf powers that he has are so hard on his system. Carlisle and Rose did tests and said if Edward had been human; the damage to his brain from wielding them was the equivalent of dropping a human from a ten-story building. And every night, Edward has to sleep in order for his body to regenerate."

"So he has these gifts, but it causes pain to make them work? That is not normal."

Jasper said quietly, "Father is sincerely worried the powers Edward has will kill him. His heart keeps starting back up, and you cannot smell it at present, but he has his own blood flowing through his body. Edward feels pain not only physically, but emotionally when he uses his abilities. It is impressive how much he tolerates without complaint. He's a tough kid."

I was _not _a juvenile goat. And I was not little. And for crying out loud, I was over a century in age. How long would they think about me like a puling infant? And I inwardly scoffed at the idea of an eternal demise. God couldn't be that kind. So I knew I was safe on that front.

Jugurtha pushed his glasses up his nose and reminded me, "You strategically chose to act like the shy seventeen year old all these years. Don't blame them because you succeeded in your efforts." Right. Blast. "And they will find it odd if you all of a sudden act like a mature man. We can't let them know we've been fooling them, although Jasper is beginning to wonder. And your god gave you Bella back from the dead."

Skeevy said, "We have so many troops accompanying us that Father would like us to move quickly. He wants to use the storm to hide our tracks. If Edward can get a precise location we can jump to it."

As I turned to face them, Skeevy wiped the expression of pity from his features. My brothers did not bother. Marcus stood out of range convening with his commanders.

Washing my hands in the snow, I dried them against my pants and donned gloves, attempting to hide trembling fingers as I rejoined them.

Jasper made the ultimate sacrifice to give up fighting a battle alongside Marcus to accompany me as he worried I'd die by tripping over my shoelaces or impaling myself on a tree stump and setting myself alight. Emmett, too.

Jasper inquired, "Edward, which way?"

"She's been hiding in the caves around Lake Wenachtee."

"That's over a hundred miles from here due East." Emmett whistled, "that's some range you've got there, buddy."

"Paula has a strong mind. Hezekiah said this was normal between shamans and their teachers. I do not know that there is a limit to the range," was the only thing I could think of to say.

Marcus huffed as he rejoined us, "Do I want to know who Hezekiah is?"

Jasper laughed, "Doubtful, as he's dead."

"So are we."

"No, I mean _really _dead as in speaking from the afterlife dead." Jasper only caused more confusion.

Vivinna joined us, having recently chewed out a soldier for his lack of archery skills.

Marcus had never met an immortal that could commune with the dead. "Our Edward grows more fascinating by the moment," he said to his wife.

Emmett explained, "He was a Quileute shaman we knew in 1940. He teaches Eddie how to use the powers he has." Well, that sounded accurate, albeit farfetched.

I turned to Leah and Seth and said aloud in English, "Jacob is on his way. Could you please wait for him and then catch up with us? Time is of the essence."

"Sure." The other wolves with them vanished on John's order and loped back to the reservation. They could not wait to get away from us. And that hot lady that stank.

With a salute, Marcus and his mate took their forces and headed westward for the reservation following the path of the wolves. I had managed to show John and the rest of the pack what the Telecles clan looked like and their uniforms, too, so the younger members wouldn't do anything moronic like attempt to engage the wrong group of bloodsuckers in battle. That would be deadly. Rude, too.

Prudence dictated that I maintain a constant scan of the immediate environment while also devoting part of my mind to Bella. They were in the midst of running tests on her heart, and so far the only thing that they knew for sure was that she was very sick. And she slept throughout all the procedures as if she was beyond caring. To the surprise of all, once they had completed the tests, Arria lifted her daughter and said, "Which room?" Mother led her to mine, and put on a fresh set of sheets. Together, they put her to bed. It made the most bewildering sight, Mother untying Bella's right boot, and Arria, her left. Since the house was still cold, they left my dear little algae lover in her warm clothes and piled blankets over her.

Jasper turned our group around after a quick jump courtesy of Skeevy's lost coven that left us two miles from the lake where Paula hid. My brother led us to the east at a blindingly fast pace through the heart of the storm. We were halfway to our destination when Marcus, Vivinna and their soldiers met the curious-yet-too-desperate-to-question John Quill standing amidst the soaring flames of the reservation's buildings that shook their fists at the night.

Marcus ordered his troops to take up position, with his gift and explained aloud to John, "I am Marcus Telecles, John Quill. There is a large army on their way. We will be able to handle them with little effort, pull your troops back and let them rest. You have suffered enough."

"I offer you my thanks, Marcus, but this is our home."

Kindly, Marcus said, "They have a large component of European werewolves among their soldiers." John retained his ramrod posture and still demeanor. "Strategically it makes sense for us to be in the first wave. We have vast experience fighting them. You will be able to have plenty of vengeance, and this would be a better use of your troops."

John wearily agreed. His face broke into a wide grin as Marcus used his gift to connect with the wolves and show them his plan. There was much happy yipping and yowling amongst the tattered tribe.

Phoenix was on his way to his rendezvous with destiny filled with delusional deductions of his own importance. Grace and I were rather angry about that whole attacking Genghis incident, despite the fact we, okay, fine, _I_ loathed the dog. So I asked Grace if she would call in some favors.

The first thing we did was have flocks of birds, every bird we could talk into the venture, spook the enemy army. They flew ahead of them through the forest, the avian version of Paul Revere signaling with their disquiet that something was most definitely wrong. And fine, Phoenix may have been gifted, once again, with payloads of excrement from a couple thousand or so. It added to that skunk odor the geezer shamans had generously bestowed upon him not so long ago. And it made the troll appear ridiculous in front of his soldiers covered with bird droppings he could not dodge. Knowing he feared the snow for some odd reason only added to the hilarity as he used handfuls of it to attempt to clean himself.

Then the flocks stayed well out of immortal range and started cawing at him in patterns. Grace had encouraged them to use a particular trill that was perfectly pitched to grate on sensitive vampire senses.

It sounded ominous having that many animals out of range of the ever so powerful immortals taunting them, like the slug at the bottom of the food chain had suddenly developed a stentorian set of vocal chords.

Phoenix waved his only remaining hand and said, "They're damn birds. Ignore them." He ran towards the flames of the reservation.

In the battle at the mansion months ago, Arria's archers had indeed been impressive. But they had nothing on the legionnaires. The first wave of arrows that soared through the snow-filled sky caused complete panic to break out among the enemy army as the men and women hit began seizing on the ground screaming in agony, before freezing in a repugnant rictus.

Phoenix barked, "That should inspire you to move faster. It was a lucky shot!" Or thousand. Idiot. He boasted, "Get me close enough and I'll kill them all!"

I had to give the man credit for either being distressingly optimistic or dismally dunce-like. Death stalked him and he acted oblivious. Clearly someone was overconfident. What a delusional, sad, sad man. I had looked forward to killing him. But I'd make this sacrifice for the greater good. Paula needed me. And I needed her alive more than I needed to kill Phoenix. So said Jugurtha. And Starched Shirt Edward pointed out that I had to give Marcus something to do to let him feel useful.

Meanwhile, our minds were suddenly filled with images from another army. Marcus' four sons and assorted legions of doom that had arrived to bolster the already bored out of their skull soldiers had made quick work of the remnants of Maria's now Southern fried forces. The fight had transformed from something that resembled an army of cats casually batting at hapless mice to choreographed chaos. Many from Maria's army had scattered, fleeing for their lives. That did not work out so well, either, as the legionnaires scared the life out of them with their speed.

Tiberius ordered that a few should be allowed to escape in order to send word to the enemy. The rest Marcus' men patiently slaughtered. The force they had encountered might have been strong fighters in the Southern Wars, but against better trained soldiers with arms, it never really was a contest. Emmett, had he been watching, would have claimed that it was not a game, merely a scrimmage.

Marcus, at Jasper's urging, insisted that any cell phone or electronic device found upon an enemy must be returned for study. The legionnaires had no idea what those funny boxes were, but orders were orders. And I still had my eye on that Metie Telecles. Something was most definitely wrong with him. He enjoyed killing way too much. And I didn't like the look of him. At all.

Jasper shook his head as we ran at the end of that vision. "Something's off."

I barely paid heed to his words. The satisfying sight filled my mind of thousands of arrows lashing against Phoenix's army and stabbing him in the backside a time or five. He squealed in outrage and yanked them out.

Marcus opened a portal in front of him and said, "You really should learn not to trifle with your betters, you know."

That occurred right around when the poison sank its barbed claws into him. Phoenix could not move, nor could he do anything but mentally scream. I knew what that felt like having suffered at the whimsy of his gift. Marcus made it appear like a massive glowing hand reached out and snatched Phoenix from the Earth as he pulled him through the portal.

Aro touched the troll's paralyzed body, greedily lapping up the repository of generations of mental marginality, and then said, "Brother dear, he's all yours."

Phoenix, from Aro's thoughts, had been a naughty boy. I filed away the memories for contemplation at a later time, and kept part of my mind shadowing Aro. Jugurtha claimed we had been able to glean all sorts of useful information in maintaining this practice.

Vivinna stabbed Phoenix in the chest and literally ripped his heart out as Marcus cleaved the troll's head from his scrawny shoulders.

"Ladies first," he bowed to his mate. She offered him a bright smile and tossed Phoenix's shriveled organ - the heart I mean - into the flames. Without even looking away from her, Marcus flung the head over his shoulder through the air to make a vampire basket of sorts in his rapidly increasing scorecard of death. Rather than getting sappy, Marcus yanked his bride to the side to avoid her being leapt upon by four lumbering vampires. He casually sliced two of them in half as they flew past. Aro yelped and brandished a sword with lethal precision in defense of his sister and killed the other two. And he groped every almost still twitching not quite corpse he could find. For tactical purposes, of course.

Two soldiers stepped forward and lifted the carcass of Phoenix and threw the pieces into the soaring fires around them. Then I heard this wave of battle cries as the forces met head on in the space between the fire and the snow. Did I mention that Marcus was impressive on the battlefield? And his wife most definitely had his backside, in a purely logistical sense of the term. She gave new meaning to the phrase, "backstabbing battle-axe."

As the troops began to fight in earnest, I easily picked out Sergei and his towering family. It was rather difficult to miss them transform into their European wolf form. They were every bit as tall as the enemy ones. And outnumbered. But that did not seem to matter because they fought dirty. Really dirty. Jasper would heartily approve dirty. They particularly liked to lift up the bodies of the enemy soldiers, rip them in twain, and throw the screaming-in-pain missiles at the opposing European wolves. It kicked in their already battle-aroused predatory instincts if they were hungry, and confused them as well, long enough for someone or several someones, to hack them to pieces.

"Edward!" Jasper elbowed me in the side having received the Marcus-vine feed, "Phoenix is dead. We have to focus on the present. Nod at me if you understand." Jerkily, my head moved in an affirmative gesture. "Excellent." He and Jugurtha ordered at the same time, "Find Paula." What a marvelous idea.

It took a while to isolate a frequency that seemed to work. I kept sending out the same message without hearing a response. Fifteen minutes later after the fifty-eighth, _"We are almost there,"_ I heard a faint voice scratch against me.

_"Where?"_ Paula sounded almost delirious.

I could see through our link that she stalked two vampires. Her first victim's scream broke into a wet gurgle with a chomp of his skull as she used her claws on the other simultaneously. Paula might be an amateur compared to me, but she definitely had that killing with economy business down. I worried how she would burn their bodies considering she was trying to hide and all from irked immortals. Paula held out a shaking claw and literally plunged her front paws into the abdomens of both soldiers. An oily smoke-like spiritual aura of black with green flecks appeared around the corpses as they shriveled into something resembling petrified wood. She then turned them into the equivalent of sawdust - how I know not. It took her all of four seconds before she heard more vampires coming and flattened to the ground, teeth bared in a grimace.

_"To you, Paula. We came for you."_

_"Dammit Edward, I am not worth saving. I told you to run." _She snarled. _"I am-"_ and then she somehow managed to break that heretofore unstoppable shaman-student connection using some foreign power that mentally burned. Then, I heard nothing at all from her.

The spiritual geezers who had been silent shouted, "Get that girl, Sonny!"

That's about the time all Hell broke loose immediately around me. It felt all kinds of smug being with the lost coven, knowing that their gifts shielded_them_ from being detected from other immortals. And Marcus' legionnaires were an amusing lot acting unaffected as they saw things like telephone poles and cars and houses and . . . .I thought after having sensed Phoenix and his army and having learned their tricks, as well as that of the covens I'd encountered in Italy that I knew all. It never occurred to me that we could have those same gifts used against _us_. By another lost coven. Or three. We ran into a clearing and found ourselves surrounded by a force four times the size of ours.

The boorish one that I preferred to ignore and the soldiers that accompanied him blended into the crowd behind me. He thought at me, _"Keep your mouth shut and let Cale handle this, Junior. And you caused this particular problem just so you know."_

My name was not Junior. There was nothing junior about me. That I'd ever admit to. I mean I was superior to him. Definitely. With better manners, when I was not being overcome by wolfpyre newborn rage and screaming hateful things at my beloved bride. But still. I had apologized twice over. And she was such an angel. My Bella. And I only chose to follow _his_ advice because I would have kept my mouth shut regardless. Why break a seven decade's long strategy that had worked well. Imbecile. If you don't speak, they cannot use it against you. Everyone knew that.

Starched Shirt Edward poked me in the ribcage with an elbow and said, "His name is Decimus. You should get to know him."

"Why would I bother addressing that beetle-browed blowhard?"

"He's useful."

"Dead."

"Were you in Forks the past eight months guarding our dear little one around the clock?"

"No." I sniffed, "But I don't know that _he_ was."

"You don't know that he was not, either. But he acted as the head of her guards before we left. Why would that change?"

"Perhaps because he's incompetent? She nearly died. Actually, she did die." My mental voice cracked and Starched Shirt Edward winced for a moment and puffed up his chest.

"Do not blame him for our shortcomings, and Arria's. And we must show him and the others that we are not the man they saw on that day."

"My vote is still for him to accidentally-on-purpose perish - preferably painfully."

"His mind is useful."

"True."

"We do not have Aro's ability to gather all those memories at once. My vote is for him to live. And murder in this case is immoral and we're trying to avoid that now that we are on the path to righteousness. We have to be worthy for our bride."

Jugurtha shrugged his shoulders refusing to disagree, which meant he sided with the preening pipsqueak. And he definitely did not open my planner to pencil in, "Behead the boorish backbiting bunion-on-the-sole-of-life also known as Decimus. With extra vigor and dismemberment, too. Throw him a hearty bonfire." Why did Marcus get to have all the fun?

"Fine. Have it your way."

I heard Emmett mutter in Tagish, the almost extinct dialect from Canada, to Jasper, "Edward needs more of the green gum. Now. He's turning pale."

Jasper reached into his pocket and withdrew a pouch and handed it to me. I knew better than to argue. I wolfed it down as quickly as I could to avoid gagging. This was as bad as human food. Almost. And it did not go over well that I consumed it in front of the hungry enough to ponder drinking animals opposing side. They seemed to think I was taunting them. Their food supply was low, several mentally whined. And they were hungry. Jasper-hungry.

Excited at the prospect of gaining food, their leader hailed us and said, "You don't look familiar. What coven are you from? We are on a hunt after a beast that has killed several of our soldiers."

By the ragged appearance of the bristling vampire, Paula had also gotten her claws into him as he was missing a leg. Then the leader's eyes fell upon my distinctively malachite green glowing form and his chin jutted. The soldiers in the field surrounding him became tense.

Jasper thought, _"Try to lower the amount of energy they see if you can."_

I couldn't help it if I was hot. Supernaturally speaking. But I obeyed.

Skeevy said, "My name is Cale. Marcus Telecles has taken over the Volturi and restored the Lost Covens who are now in power."

"Then he'll understand when we kill that irritating Arria, after we deal with this beast."

"Actually, he won't, seeing as she is his daughter." Skeevy's cloak parted as he drew his sword, and revealed the gyrfalcon coat of arms across his chest, "And my sister."

The man howled, "She has horded food from us for centuries. We have a right to it, too."

"She has kept your clan alive at great risk to her own."

"We outnumber you. I feel like I should give you a head's start just to be sporting," Their leader scoffed. The others followed suit in the scoffing contest.

Since they were trying to be annoying, this of course meant I had to have more food for the principle of the thing. The very idea that they would drool and try to kill over this sap-like sludge was silly. Although it made sense seeing as it hid them for years from the other side. But Arria totally had a right to horde it.

Skeevy said into my mind, _"Edward, now would be a good time to start glowing green and doing that trick with the fire."_

Fine. Now I was the entertainment of the party. I canted my head to one side and said to the leader, "The woman you hunt is under my protection."

"Arria?" he spluttered.

"No. Arria has no need of my protection." I figured that would score points with her when she heard that claim, "I am referring to Paula Black. It appears she's torn through your ranks and caused you considerable distress." My scathing gaze focused on his wounds. And I knew nothing about the seven smirks I sent at him. I can not help it if he misunderstood a polite smile.

And I won't repeat the vile things he said in response concerning Paula. I was now going to have to kill him for insulting her honor. Not that she...never mind. It was the principle of the thing. And I actually liked Paula. Not in _that_way. And this bastard was keeping me from my suffering mate and_ that_ most definitely had me irritated. I'm afraid I kind of overdid it on the green power business because my head started hurting and I threw controlling my power out the window. I wanted this over quickly. Both newborn sides of me thought that sounded like an excellent idea.

When I summoned the Quileute spirits and pointed out that I required their assistance because their female shaman was grossly outnumbered and why hadn't they helped her like they should have in the first place - they became a bit perturbed. I felt like I had spiritual linebackers tackling me, except they were leaping inside of me and my power grew along with the pressure inside my skull. Ouch. I believe they were making a point.

"Jesus, Eddie, lighten up," Emmett squinted. Wasn't I doing just that? What else did he want from me? Spiritual confetti?

The other side watched in morbid fascination.

"What in the name of the gods is that?" The leader of the lost coven that pursued Paula sounded as if I was the most repugnant thing he had ever seen.

Whispers of "green demon" scurried through the ranks of the men. Apparently they were a bit familiar with the green color having come into contact with Paula a time or ninety over the past few months. And some of their thoughts. That silver-tongued litigator managed to disgust even me, which meant I totally had to share with Jasper to get his opinion on her battle techniques - absent that whole throat rending and sipping part. Jasper's eyes got all foggy with battle-envy as he mentally danced in delight.

I snarled at the enemy leader, "Without provocation, your coven burst into her house, wounded her, and chased her into the forest."

"We knew the human had been around Arria. We wanted to see what she knew about the food. She was fair game. And we had no idea she was one of those _things_. So what if she dies? She's a stupid human."

Jasper scoffed, "That makes you appear all the more foolish because you haven't managed to kill such a weak puny beast. And it looks like she certainly chewed you out." We laughed at his pun.

The boorish one stepped out from behind a legionnaire and said, "I'd second that observation."

"Decimus! You bastard!"

Okay, maybe the leader wasn't a complete idiot. Starched Shirt Edward slammed his fist against my ears and said, "Focus on the enemy!"

Irritated, the blast of power I sort of intended to hit him with smacked into the soldier standing immediately to the left of the enemy leader and sent him screaming falling and clawing at the ground. Oops.

"Am I supposed to feel sympathetic that you failed in plotting to kill my sister?" Skeevy used a withering voice.

"It's not fair she has all the food!" the leader wailed, trying to make an intimidating display of waving his vampire blade at us as he tried to ignore the screaming of the man writhing at his feet like a snake in hot ashes.

Skeevy sounded sincerely curious. "We've been hiding from persecution for centuries. Who ever led you to believe that life was fair?"

The powers within me decided they had heard enough of this "might makes right" parley nonsense. I held my palms flat toward the frozen Earth and summoned even more shady friends to join in on the spiritual Mardi Gras. I lunged for the leader. He irritated me. But he irritated Decimus and Skeevy even more as they threw blades that seemingly erupted from his chest. So I decided that the seven around him required my attention, especially the one wailing on the ground, making my head hurt worse. I heard Jasper and Emmett swear and leap into the fray after me, fretting about me moving too slow to survive in a fight. And I grumbled back at the Quileute spirits that they were slowing me down, so said my brothers. Even Jasper was faster at the moment as the powers seemed to splutter as I threw a blast at an enemy soldier in front of me using Hezekiah's staff. It managed to catch the soldier's shirt alight, but that was it.

He batted at it with his hand and jeered, "Is that all you've got?"

"Why no, thank you for asking," Skeevy responded as the legionnaires began to fight, moving at velocities that only now caught the attention of the other group as being not quite right. Save Skeevy and the Fake Canadians, they were too fast. No one moved like that. And fine, we were outnumbered, so Grace decided she would break her rules just this once and leave Quileute lands, seeing as Marcus seemed to have the situation well in hand, and I apparently did not.

It was a good thing I had recovered my human memories and recalled all that fencing practice as I stabbed two who, I think in all honesty, tripped onto my blade. Not that I'd admit that. Somewhere along the way, I'd dropped Hezekiah's staff and had started using my sword. The metal one.

Grace took on her reptile form, cloaked herself from immortal eyes save mine, and used her talons with brutal efficiency on the throngs of the enemy immortals that my brothers smacked and stabbed, the ones who seemed to think that if I died everyone else would simply go away. Grace did not like that sentiment.

Upon seeing the wailing vampires perish, several of the men in the opposing group immediately transformed into European werewolves. Grace sailed toward the other side of the clearing. She showed me that one of the European wolves stomped on Hezekiah's staff, intending to crush it. The instant his paw made contact, he vanished, much to the consternation of his colleagues. Even Paula had not pulled off a trick like that.

Marcus sent another five hundred men who quickly surrounded us and that's when the fighting began in earnest. So Grace snatched four soldiers at once and for lack of a better term, really chewed them out. She kept her form hidden from the enemy, which entertained me to no end as they jumped as she took swipes at heretofore oblivious soldiers. Who had the courtesy to promptly scream in terror and die. And stay dead.

My goodness, those European werewolves were almost twice the size of the Quileute wolves, and Grace really knew how to hold a grudge. She literally ripped one in quarters before leaping to a howling female - who did not protest for long. I saw several of the giants pick up soldiers and gnaw them to pieces. Well, they tried. They grabbed legionnaires that Marcus had insisted be doused in poison. The second their mouths touched the legionnaires, they fell over like tree trunks.

And that's when Grace really got excited. Me, too. I let the birds come out to play. They burst from my hands and flung themselves with shrieking glee upon bewildered men and women. That whole outnumbered problem seemed to be spiritually handled. And fine, Marcus' legionnaires really knew how to fight circles around other enemy lost coven. Grace, in between eviscerating the enemy, scooped up Hezekiah's staff and dropped it at my feet.

Jugurtha said, "Scan all the minds you can that are still alive to find out about any poison they might have used on Paula. And grab the damn staff as it helps us focus." Right. Drat. The one who had poisoned her, from the thoughts of the others, had died weeks ago in a particularly grisly manner. Emmett and Jasper were awfully helpful in preventing me from falling a time or five.

Emmett hissed in Tagish, "He's starting to fade. Those wolf powers are blinking."

I had no idea why he was so upset; I was in exactly the same amount of pain now as I had been half an hour ago.

Jacob and Leah and Seth chose that moment to join us. I ordered them to stay back from the European werewolves and let the legionnaires handle them. Alas, Jacob listened. Jasper took the arrows that Arria had given him and shot one into the eye of a male that charged us. He tumbled to the ground and transformed back into his human form trying in vain to yank the arrow from his head. The legionnaires fell upon him like ants on a carcass and made quick work of him - well the part of him that Leah left over. Even Jasper admired her style.

I could hear Paula in my mind, as she crept behind a soldier that charged Seth and Leah. Marcus had sent his troops a picture of Paula in wolf form so they knew not to attack the emaciated wolf. Unfortunately, she was very easy to pick out of a crowd, scentless issues notwithstanding. Paula leapt on top of the enemy vampire fighter and ripped his head off with a bite, leaving his remains for the legionnaires to hack apart. She pounced on the back of a European werewolf, and to the shock of the Quileute wolves, tore his throat out and greedily drank from it. She dismembered part of the carcass, tossed the rest at a group of the legionnaires and lunged for another enemy wolf. The thoughts of shame and disgust that oozed from her mind hurt, and Jasper picked up on them from her. I knew them well. They had been my companions all these years.

"What does that make me, chopped liver?" Starched Shirt Edward shook his fist. If only.

As she gulped from another dying European wolf, I sensed the power in her grow slightly, before weakening again. Seth and Leah did not bother to hide their revulsion.

_"Aunt Paula?"_ Jacob said through the wolf link. She could not hear him.

To this day, I'm not quite sure how it happened. From Marcus' mind I saw a European wolf leaping for John and at the same time I saw two flying towards Paula who was weakening as she faced three other opponents. But the tipping point was when I detected from the thoughts of the ones in the clearing that they had sent a faction to the Cullen mansion to scour for food and hostages. I heard Marcus' voice in my mind say, "Edward, please be calm, my forces know and have the house surrounded. She is well."

Everything went white behind my eyelids as I roared my outrage to the heavens and felt the carved wood of Hezekiah's staff burning into my palm. I remembered Bella leaping. I thought of the sight of her body flailing through the ocean, of her blue lips when pulled from its grasp. I thought of her kicking against me and shrieking like a fishwife, and then I was slammed with the image of her leaping through the air on the screaming children as immortals I wanted to kill all over again darted towards her. I saw that snarl of defiance on her face before everything seemed to leach from her mind and she went silent. Then I remembered her body. And that's when I think I lost what little temper I had left. I wanted them all dead. Now.

I threw back my head and roared with wrath as my body seemed to break into a thousand pieces as I flung myself at two European werewolves and pushed Paula into Emmett's arms. As I felt the sting of teeth on my clavicle, I remembered John's warning about how their bite made the Quileutes go mad. Really? I'd show them mad. I'd -

I woke up on the ground, bleeding profusely from my chest and surrounded by a crowd of solemn legionnaires. Skeevy mouthed that I would be fine. Except I could not hear any noise and felt blood dripping from my ears, eyes, and mouth. Did I mention how cold the snow felt as it braced my back? Through split lips, I begged the spirits to aid Paula and reached out for her broken form that lay beside mine. Jacob nuzzled at his unconscious aunt, trying to revive her, howling.

Emmett batted Jacob's muzzle away from his aunt's wound snapping, "You don't know what that is, kid. Leave it." I picked that much up from reading Jacob's mind. I still could not hear a thing.

Considering that Paula was still in wolf form, and we were chaperoned, I did not think she would mind if I took the liberty of holding her hand - I mean gore-encrusted paw. Emmett was working on her wound, apologizing profusely to her from his thoughts. Seth and Leah moved Jacob back so he could work.

Jasper's mind suddenly panicked as he thought that it struck him as quite unusual that, despite the pressure he placed on my wound, that my flesh was not healing as all immortals' would. He gestured for the legionnaires' healer to attend me. The man moved the cloth aside and tsked.

Regret washed over me, and I could not help but point out to the Quileute spirits those sentiments. In my attempts to aid both the tribe and my family, I had left them all vulnerable. I begged them to aid Paula, as she had clearly suffered considerable harm. I felt the spirits trying to enter her mind and hitting a black wall that surrounded it like a Fortress of Doom in the fairy tales. They sighed their apologies and wandered off into the night.

I dropped her hand as I lost my battle with the pain as through the shaman link, I heard her plea, _"Let me die."_

_"No."_

I wanted to tell her that life couldn't be that kind, but I was otherwise occupied. And I hated talking, mentally, or otherwise. The next thing I knew we were standing outside of the mansion. Well, a group of us were. And fine. I was totally not standing.

Emmett carried me like one of his children. Decimus actually held my weapons. Grace had the staff. Jasper and eight of the legionnaires carried the wolf form of Paula. Seth, Leah, and Jacob trailed.

From Jasper's thoughts, the rest had remained to question the not-going-to-be-skulking-upon-the-Earth-much-longer immortals. Then excruciating pain crashed against me with such force Emmett actually dropped me like a scorching rock. Initially, I had no idea its source. I never even had a chance to defend myself as I slipped into the dark, Grace's alarmed croon ringing in my ears woke me again.

The legionnaires lowered Paula to the lawn as we came to the threshold of the rings of power around the house. It would not let her cross. I roared to the spirits and tried to merge my mind with the barriers that Arria and I had constructed around the house. The ones that were being battered by something almost as powerful as the Gorgon's fury. That's about the time, I decided that Paula was going to have to get over her issues because she was keeping me from mine - I mean my beloved. I held out a shaking hand, snatched a cloak from a confused Legionnaire and threw the tiny scrap of fabric on top of Paula.

In Quileute, I hissed, "Phase back now."

Wearily, she complied. Everyone else was so busy staring, I assume, at Paula's toenails that they forgot to catch me as my forehead experienced the cruel embrace of the sidewalk. It hurt more than my shoulder, so I didn't mind so much as the world faded.

I had missed Hezekiah's grotto, the golden moss hanging from the trees like silken skeins of a maiden's hair. The quiet sounds from the birds. And it was in eternal spring which was even better because the scattered wildflowers momentarily brought me cheer. I felt warm. Cold, too. He handed me a large icepack as he hovered over my recliner in our usual haunt. When I gratefully used it on my tender forehead, Hezekiah packed my shoulder with something that stung like the dickens.

"Old friend, did you have to summon me right then?" I whined.

"Sorry, son. I didn't summon you."

I removed the ice pack to gawp, "You did not?"

"Nope." He pushed the bag back on my pate.

"Not that I am not delighted to see you, Hezekiah. Why am I here? Bella needs me. And she's sick."

"Well," he stopped fussing with my wounded shoulder, hemmed and hawed for a second before pushing his glasses higher on his nose and pulling on his tie, "You passed out. I thought I'd take advantage of that opportunity to chat with you. Seeing as you aren't going anywhere anytime soon."

"I need to help Bella and Paula. Can't you send me back?"

"Sorry, son. You have used so much power in the past few days, your body," he paused with that inscrutable expression I had come to know forebode bad things.

"My body what?"

Hezekiah's eyes were full of pity.

"Well?" I could not help the crack in my voice as it elevated in volume a tiny bit.

He waved an arm so I could see as a scene appeared on the far side of our clearing. My family stood around me. Rosalie was performing CPR. And not on Jacob Black. Father was helping her doing the chest compressions. On me.

I made a mental note to Jugurtha, "Please schedule in time to be appropriately repulsed that we have made lip contact with Rosalie. Ew."

Jugurtha said, "You'd rather make lip contact with Emmett or Jasper?"

"Point taken. But Ew. I'm officially revolted. And what the blazes is going on with my shoulder?" I think the European werewolf had taken a chunk out of me, but I should have been regenerating. And I wasn't.

Jugurtha noted, "Should you not be more concerned as to why they are performing human measures on your immortal body?" Right. That.

"Hezekiah? Is Bella ok?"

"She's sleeping like a babe upstairs, Edward."

"What is happening to me?"

"You died, son. We're sorry."

"Died as in permanently dead?"

"Now that I don't rightly know." He tapped his square liver-spotted fingers against his bicep.

I turned back to the scene and morosely watched my brothers lift my body as my sister and Father continued to work on me. They had turned the second floor into a vampire hospital of sorts. And I observed morbidly as they laid me on a gurney next to a legionnaire who had an arrow embedded in his backside. That one did not seem to pain him as much as the twenty four sticking from the backs of his calves.

I felt Hezekiah patting me on the arm as I stared and the chaotic scene.

"This is another one of those damned tests."

"Yep." He did not even bother to sound ashamed.

Marcus entered the room flanked by his risen-from-the-dead-only-to-dispatch-it-in-spades sons. Three of them actually appeared concerned. Metie, on the other hand, showed no emotion. Good poker-face, that one.

"What is wrong with Edward? I felt his mind shut down," Marcus asked.

Emmett was stitching up my shoulder, and I noticed he wore biohazard gloves. And was passably good with a needle.

Father said, "I think he hit his limit with the use of his gifts, Marcus. I can't bring him back." He sounded awfully distressed. But he refused to stop. Rosalie, too. Sometimes I really liked the pig-headed part of my sister. Like right now. She would find a way to bring me back. She was smart like that. I stayed dead. Vampirically dead, too, to the consternation of all. For half an hour.

"Dearest?" Marcus called out for his wife, who appeared with Arria, and trailed by that old man who had been my bath attendant at her fortress. For a second there, I could swear Arria's face did the vampire equivalent of blanching.

Seth entered the room in human form, appropriately attired. Wasn't it getting awfully crowded in there?

He pointed, "Please put Edward's body over by the window." Seth helped my brothers move me.

Emmett said, "Why?"

"Because," Seth answered.

How helpful. Skeevy had seen that look on Seth Clearwater's face before on the day they brought Bella back, and did not intervene. He held back Decimus with an arm.

"Wait."

Arria, Marcus, Skeevy, and Vivinna stood at my head and started that whole odd hand-holding practice of theirs. Marcus sent a jolt through me that should have awakened every dead soul in Atlantis, it hurt so much. Glass shattered in the room as Grace decided she, too, needed to have a claw on me. Ouch. Even the bath attendant seemed to think it was appropriate as he cradled my skull in his careworn wrinkled and awfully cold hands. Had I been awake, I would have thanked him and declined another hair cut.

"What is the test this time?"

Back in our grotto, I felt something tugging at my coat sleeve. A woman appeared before me, a diminutive one at that, "Sacajawea, I presume?"

She nodded. I knew I'd learn nothing flapping my lips, so stared at her.

"Your next test is upon us," she intoned. Satan's teeth, were they all related to the Telecles clan with their timely pop quizzes? I would definitely have to conduct research on that theory.

"I accept the challenge," I all but snarled.

She leaned forward and put both hands on either side of me as her fiery hands grasped my shoulders. Golly that hurt, "Great power requires sacrifice."

"Yes Madam, figured that one out already," I shot back.

Then she vanished. What. The. Devil. _That_ was a test? Hezekiah had told me that months before.

"What was _that_?" I waved my open palm at her footprints. "And I'm not killing Bella. No sirree."

"Sorry son, that would be cheating, which I am totally against seeing as I like you and all and the spirits never give you the same test twice. You have to find your own way on this one."

Women! Crazy even in the spiritual realm. Except, of course, for Jenny. And I wasn't falling for that "you have to kill Bella" nonsense again.

Hezekiah warned, "You have to be careful with Paula, son. She's been through a lot."

I'll say. Unarmed and wounded, she had hunted down a lost coven over a seven month period and had picked them off one by one like characters in an Agatha Christie novel. That woman intimidated me. She could give Vivinna and Arria, heck Genevieve, too, lessons in warfare.

"Why did you not assist her? You sent Teddy Roosevelt after me with a tree, for crying out loud."

He shook his head from left to right forlornly, like I was a pupil who had earned failing marks. "Edward, we did help her all that we could. She does not have a strong enough connection with us; otherwise we would have been able to do more." He paused, "Why do you think we were trying so hard to reach you?"

I thought of the sight of Paula, of the pain that wracked her wasted frame, of the disturbing images I'd seen in John Quill's memories, and shame spilled over my overflowing cup, "I'm sorry."

"I know, son. I know."

"How is her drinking European werewolf blood going to affect her?"

"Yeesh. I have no idea, Edward. None of our ancestors ever met one of those things. And we certainly didn't _drink_ the blood of other wolves. We believe from the black bands that surround her power that she's in trouble."

You think? I wanted to snarl. Instead I said, "How so?"

"Edward when you summon the spirits, do you remember that I taught you to construct a shield?"

"Yes." Not that I had always used one. For months. It had seemed pointless as they had come anyway. When they had wanted to.

"You have not been using it. And neither did Paula. Not all the spirits that aid you have your best interests in mind. Some are flat out evil."

"Are you saying that I've been having the equivalent of unprotected spiritual congress for months?"

"Yes."

"Why am I learning about this now?"

"We told you multiple times and you ignored us, Edward."

Oh. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward said, "They did. And you did." Magnificent.

"So why, since I am presuming that I have summoned more spirits than Paula has, am I not packed to the eyeballs with demonic forces?"

Jugurtha joked, "Professional courtesy."

Starched Shirt Edward crossed himself and smacked Jugurtha on the shoulder hissing, "Show some respect for the soldiery of Satan!"

"Why? I don't believe in them." Jugurtha needled. "They are just myths created by people to guilt you into not following your inner drives."

Hezekiah sighed, and pulled me into the not-quite-present as I drowned out the epic battle between my guides. Jugurtha had Starched Shirt Edward in a headlock at present.

Hezekiah said, "I think the birds might be protecting you. We're not sure. But you have been very lucky, Edward." Right. I stared at them working on my body, quietly crying inside, mightily striving to maintain an even demeanor.

"Those spirits, how am I supposed to tell which ones mean me well?"

Calling out, "Oh wonderful spirits that I plan on allowing to control my body temporarily in exchange for strength, on a scale of one to five with five being 'heck yes,' please indicate the degree to which you believe you are intrinsically evil," did not sound particularly effective. Although it was a good question methodologically speaking.

"We require condoms," Jugurtha sighed. Starched Shirt Edward began to howl and Jugurtha put his hand over his mouth, "Spiritual ones. Call them most holy shields against Satan, if you will."

"Fine." I grumbled to Hezekiah, "I promise to always be cautious in summoning spirits."

"And to work on your shielding," my teacher prodded.

"That, as well." I would forever more strive to avoid unsafe spiritual sex.

He began to shuffle to the nearby brook peppered with mossy rocks, "I've never seen anything like what has its teeth in Paula," Hezekiah rubbed his throat in the spot she had been bit, "neither has anyone up here. It's giving her strength, but it's taking it as well. Jenny says be strong. Sitting Bull says be crafty like him. Quanah Parker thinks you should kill every immortal in sight and run away with Bella and Irina, and that he's smarter," Hezekiah guffawed, "He's really taken with that Irina. President Roosevelt and Sacajawea both say it's time for you to focus on your little missy as well as your exam. Jenny and I agree. Keep an eye on Paula now that she's within the limits of the wolf ring. Bye now."

One moment I blinked at Hezekiah's wrinkled mournful mug, and the next I stared into the fathomless eyes of the bath attendant. His large hands were on frigid blue fire the color of the heart of a tongue of a flame, and I hurt so I could not so much as twitch. Grace's claw marks had ripped open my chest cavity and it pulsed with energy that seeped through it like acid. Aghast family faces witnessed the wound knitting back together, leaving a series of vivid jagged scars.

Seth held out a palm, and the wildfire of white flames that roared across my chest abandoned my body and wafted back to Grace. How peculiar. My heart started right then. Loudly. Protestingly. And, might I add, painfully? I watched my body suck in oxygen and writhe, held down by several.

"He'll live now, but have our seers watch that woman," the wizened man pronounced in unctuous Oscan. With a calloused hand, he patted my forehead absentmindedly, wiped his hands, and walked over to another table that held a wounded soldier.

"Thank you, father." Vivinna said.

Wait. What? And _what _woman?

"Bella?" I managed to croak to the satisfaction of the room as Rosalie wiped at me with a wet cloth.

I heard Merrisol howling five doors down as she continued with her transition. Skeevy left to go sit by her side, and hold her hand. I suspect _she_ was the woman that the King had ordered watched. I could feel waves of raw power washing off of her. Arria had constructed a shield around Merrisol to keep others in the house from being harmed, particularly the toddlers who slept on Emmett and Rosalie's bed. My sister firmly believed that humans spoiled their children and half of what she saw was completely unnecessary. Rosalie had been shopping online for a nursery in between running medical tests on both Bella and me.

Father carried me out into the chilly hall. Despite the rumbling furnace, I felt the air hit against my goose-fleshed back as he ascended the staircase. His hand burned like an icy brand. It was still cold by human standards in the house. And I required new clothing as it distressed me beyond words being carried around in naught but my undergarments.

Jugurtha breathed, "My, oh my."

Starched Shirt Edward crossed himself, "This is most definitely a sign from on high."

"What are you two blathering about? I expressed concern for the well-being of my mate. As I should. There is nothing wrong with that."

Jugurtha stared at me like I was slow. "Remember the man that all the covens agreed would be king if they stopped fighting?"

"Yes, the warrior on high deified by all."

"That was _him_. It took Marcus, Skeevy, Vivinna, Arria, and Grace to even get you to the point where you were almost alive. But he had the final vote."

"The_ bath_ attendant is Larce Carthanai?"

"Stop being a snob. If the King of the Lost Covens is waiting on you while you bathe, it is rather rude to demote him to a mere bath attendant. He did you an immeasurable honor. Twice." True.

But no one said, "Hey, here's our King, and by the way, you totally stink and need a haircut," now did they? How was I to know?

"We would have come back eventually. The spirits would not have left us."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Jugurtha tapped his chin, "It's irrelevant really."

"Why?"

"The King of the Lost Covens literally raised you from the undead. You cannot obtain more of an endorsement than that. He's more powerful than Marcus. You just gained a home run in immortal credibility. And you might possibly, because of your nature, have gained more power."

"Seth helped. So did Grace."

"Yes, but everyone will think they followed his bidding."

Oh. Excellent. "Wait, hadn't I established a modicum of infamy with my power usage in Italy?"

"No, the immortals all think that while you were impressive, and quite conceivably a demon, that you acted on orders of Marcus, and therefore, were putting on a show."

"I made bodies vanish!"

Jugurtha shrugged, "Dead human ones, or weak immortal ones."

"I have birds that can cleave through scores of immortals at my beck and call."

"Yes, ones with Marcus' seal. Who is to say _he_ did not order them put on you?

And simply because you have power does not mean Marcus will allow you to live long enough to use it. They have all been waiting to see if he murders you."

"That would kill Bella. It is in his best interests to procure peace from my clan."

"You aren't fully bonded, remember? And I promise you; almost every immortal out there would love to put that theory to the test. She's priceless political capital."

"Edward?" I managed to pull Father's voice out of the babble both in and outside of my pounding-like-a-jabbering-jackhammer-on-overdrive head.

"Edward, we are going to take you to Bella. Son, she is in bad shape, and I've increased her sedatives. We'll watch over both of you. Rest."

And so I did. The second he laid me on our bed and placed my body around hers, I knew I would feel better. And why was he dressing me? It was my wedding night. Sort of. Not that I would attempt anything, seeing as I currently could hardly move, but I could dream.

I sent out a last scan of the environment. The Quileutes, with assistance from Marcus' men, put out the fires and literally hid the bodies. All that was left of Maria's army to the east were fragments of soggy ash. A few stragglers who had been permitted to escape scurried south warily, glancing over panicked shoulders as they sprinted for safe haven. Paula laid a floor below with Rosalie and Seth fretting over her, trying in vain to close the wound at Paula's throat.

"Grace, can you please help Paula?"

Grace sadly indicated it was not possible. Paula had made agreement with wrong spirit, so decreed my minion. Grace could not interfere. I asked her to explain and was met with silence. Then a croon as Grace pulled a trick from my repertoire and sent me to sleep. I tried not to let it disturb me that Arria stood at the foot of our bed by Carlisle and a if she could cry tears she'd be teary-eyed Mother, watching us sleep. Which was completely improper. People should have privacy, you know. When did my mother-in-law become a stalker? How was I sentient while completely asleep? And as much as I loved my Parents, they no longer needed to chaperone my wife and I. Bella shivered and I sleepily pulled her against me ever so gently, as Mother put more covers on us. Phoenix was dead, two armies slain; I had my love at long last back safe and sound in my arms. Life, dare I say it, was good as the pain began to recede.

Arria said, "I will keep watch, I know you have much to attend to with your other children." Upon their departure, she constructed a barrier around the room, so said Grace.

Scrunching my nose at the scent of sedatives in her blood, I cuddled Bella's warm form against me. Mentally, I orchestrated a campaign to win my dear little algae lover's trust. Telling the truth had been absolutely disastrous, so that was one platinum rule that would firmly be followed in the future. No more truth telling if at all possible. Ever.

After months of unceasing misery, the intoxicating idea of battling wits with my stubborn Bella over such a glorious prize played a continuous siren's song. I felt the thrill of the hunt, the blaze of the bewitched. I reminded myself smugly that my vast age difference would serve me well and that Bella was never going to know what had hit her by the time I finished persuading her to be my bride. Although she already was according to vampire law. But still.

Hiding in her hair, I smirked to myself as Bella muttered in her sleep, "cold feet." Gratefully, I kissed the top of her head thinking with an unusual amount of optimism all would soon be well. In my own personal haven, I laid by her side absorbing the delicious scent of her. She muttered in her sleep, "Idiot. Grovel. Harridan." And I froze.

She possessed multiple seals around her soul, and Genevieve should not be able to pierce through. Fuzzily though, I could not mentally move with any sense of agility to test the notion. Grace slammed down a ring around the two of us that illuminated the room with an ominous glow. One that made the very vigilant Arria in the room jump.

I realized Genevieve was conveying her affection which she punctuated by spiritually tearing me from Bella's side and slamming my face against the floor repeatedly: just unlike old times. Sneaky woman took advantage of my weakened state, left my actual body intact but slammed my spirit instead, so Arria wouldn't intervene. Who did that? And I thought they were _friends_. For the first time in months, I was in too good a mood to care undeterred by Genevieve's misanthropic greeting. Despite my now acquiring the Grandmother-in-law from Hell - oops, I realized after that cognition breezed through my mind that perhaps she would object to that well-deserved title. But still. And Jugurtha reminded me that I had acquired two Grandmothers-in-laws from the fiery pits of damnation. Genevieve actually appeared in spiritual form standing at the foot of the bed just to the left of Arria who could not seem to detect her.

_"Madam, I was just raised from the undead, and require rest. Do you mind? I promise to fight you another time."_

Genevieve spat, _"Young man, clean up your mess."_

Spiritually speaking, I cracked an eye at her and sniped, _"We've had this discussion, madam. And I am weary."_

She pointed an accusing index finger, _"Look at what you did to my beloved child."_

_"You mean the one you deceived and lied to all these years? That beloved - what is she after all - your niece? The one you kept from obtaining medical treatment - you being a doctor and all? You seem to have delusions of adequacy regarding moral standards."_

She shook her fist at me. _"Listen here, buster, don't you even think you have the right to judge me," she hissed._

Dream me clapped slowly, and ranted, _"Bravo madam. I might be a wastrel who faked being in love with Bella to keep her alive. But you, her own flesh and blood? You and your demented brother have the gall to label me a profligate? What did you think was going to happen once the truth came out? And I never thought I'd say this, but I pity your son. You really must have hated him." _Charles was a buffoon, but certainly did not merit this level of spite. In my estimation, this woman had reached rock bottom, and continued to plummet.

_"Bella would have eventually accepted it. And I love Charles."_ I quirked an eyebrow at how defensive, not to mention ridiculous, those words were.

_"Eventually? In the past few months she's found out her entire family lied to her, prevented her from obtaining medical care to improve her condition, and abandoned her to Renee's capricious fancies."_

_"We were protecting her."_

_"By allowing her brain damage not to be addressed? Seriously? You did attend medical school. Or was that a lie as well?"_

_"We gave her physical therapy whenever we could."_

_"Marvelous. I wish you had stalked her health with the vigilance you did my family."_

_"Young man -"_

_"My goodness," I interrupted, "what an odd way of showing your motherly love; cuckolding Charles without his knowledge, and hiding his other biological child from him as well. And you never bothered to ask Arria if vampire could hunt humans in their dreams? Congratulations you are tied with Vivinna for Mother of the Eon award."_

Simmering in the prolonged silence, Genevieve stared at the ground for a moment, lips moving, most likely bubbling curses. Like a toothless dragon, she huffed a time or two in outrage, and then moved to study Bella's pale thin face. We both watched the rise and fall and heard each wheeze. A brief truce appeared to be in place.

_"Her heart,"_ Genevieve put her head over Bella's chest as if listening.

_"I know. We are treating her for it. We will do more tests tomorrow."_

_"Why isn't she hospitalized?" _She crossed her arms and sniffed disdainfully.

_"Because the Forks hospital is currently overwhelmed with casualties from the immortal attacks. And Marcus wanted to make sure he could ensure her safety before sending her there. We'll take her first thing in the morning. Father and Fergus are over there right now attending to the wounded."_

_"I have never seen her so. . .Edward, don't make my mistakes. Fix your mess."_The harridan gave a longing glance at Bella, the living ruins of her machinations. And mine.

Within my mind, I hissed back, _"Physician, heal thyself!"_ as she faded from sight.

How convenient that she neglected to inform me that I also had to repair the ravages that _she_ had wrecked in Bella's life. Aunt-in-law Genevieve refrained from saying anything familial-like, "Offer my best to your vampire parents." Or, "Congratulations on your recent marriage!" One thing I had to credit that harpy with, she never ceased to bring joy every time I realized she had flown away on her broomstick for good. Despite that whole silent spat of ours, my mother-in-law stood sentry, clueless, and I remained wrapped around my restless frowning wife.

Arria withdrew a cell phone from her pants and punched in a number. Charles Swan answered. "We are safe and well. And Paula has been found. I'm having men come to escort you to the Cullens." She hung up as he bellowed, "Paula? Bella? Woman-"

Grace showed me how Charlie drove like a maniac to the house with nervous lost coven soldiers hanging onto the handles and arm rests as he took hairpin curves at a remarkable-for-a-human velocity. Now I knew where his daughter learned how to drive. He did not even bother to turn off the squad car's ignition as he sprinted for the house. If he thought he was taking one foot into my bedroom and disturbing my wedding night, he was sadly mistaken.

Rosalie sweetly greeted him at the doorway, "Oh Chief Swan, thank goodness you're here. Paula has been asking after you," she totally delivered that line with an innocent face.

"How is she? And my daughter?"

Father closed the door of the ballroom filled with piles of cell phones that Jasper, Eleazar, and hundreds of soldiers were currently examining. They were creating some sort of database of phone numbers.

Charlie repeated his question, blinking at my sister as if she wasn't quite the sharpest pencil in the can. She had been talking with her husband at vampire pitch and speed. Father walked in the entryway just then, and shook Chief Swan's hand, "Please come to my study, Charles. Both women are stable. I know you want to see them but we must talk first about the heart condition that Bella has."

"I know about that," Charlie said, waving his hand. "I've been taking her to doctors for months." He batted at a tear on his face and calmed himself. _'I can't lose my baby girl. She and Paula are all I have in this world. Jake, too. And Seth and Leah, poor kids, they need a father. Pull yourself together, Swan.'_

From Charlie, I captured fleeting glimpses of the past. I saw how concerned he became when he noticed her declining health, how he had taken a cooking class to learn how to prepare sustenance for her. He had even had Paula help him create meal plans before ...his mind slipped to three different doctor's visits where no one gave him reasonable answers. I saw her faint five times in her father's mind at home. Shockingly, when inspired that man knew how to run. He caught her every single time. I had images of him sitting at a table with her counting every bite she took, and calculating caloric values of her meals. Of him picking her up from school because she had passed out. Of him holding her hand in his own while waiting for test results, thinking how much her fingers were like those of his own mother.

His thoughts went to the last time he had seen Bella, as they had exited his car after Sue's funeral and that ghastly scene thrown by Leah. He had put his arm around Bella and had embraced her, "You know she's going to feel terrible in a little while. She's lost both her parents, and we'll have to be patient. We'll get through this. Don't forget to take your medicine." He took a bottle from his jacket and handed it to her.

Tight-lipped, she accepted the offering, slipped out of his grasp and bobbled over to a vehicle driven by Decimus. From his recounting, I could see Charles felt helpless and overwhelmed as he watched the disappearing car. For once, I could identify with Charles Swan. We were both bumbling fools when it came to Bella.

Back in the present, Arria showed the good sense to send him into a thundering sleep when he interrupted Father's explanation, stood and demanded to see his daughter and fiancée. Wait? Really? Mary Alice caught Charlie and they put him in another room next to the very drugged Paula. He and Seth were bunking for the night.

Paula sensed my scrutiny and attempted to push me away. Not that she could, seeing as I was the teacher and all. But I let her have her space._"When I wake up from this we have to talk, Paula."_

She answered in a clipped tenor,_ "There's nothing to be done, Edward. Go to sleep. Take care of Bella."_

When the screaming started two hours later, instantly awake, I leapt from the bed, moved her against the wall, and shielded her with my body. I crouched growling in anticipation of an attack by a bloodthirsty coven or twenty of vampires or a pack or ten of ill-tempered European wolves - my hands green glowing with fury. Since I had been completely asleep, I thought she had seen something in the night, and castigated myself for being distracted, if a mere _human_ could discern a threat where her vampire husband could not.

I whispered at vampire frequency to Arria, Father, Marcus, and the multiple squadrons of soldiers outside. All assured me in bewildered voices that no enemy lurked in the frozen woods surrounding the house. When my senses and Grace and Seth and Leah and Paula and even Jacob all confirmed no external enemy, I had been inconsolable to realize that her anguish originated instead from a beast that lived in her mind.

Leah said through the wolf link, "She's been having horrible nightmares for months."

"Worse than usual?" I asked. And no, she couldn't join us.

"Way worse. Sorry I forgot to tell you. And you better behave yourself around my sister." She showed me a few images that disturbed me. In our time together, I'd never seen Bella so tormented.

So I did what I had always done before. I put my hands on her hair and pulled her into my arms. And I watched helpless as she shrieked in terror and her birds began to awaken scouring the room for something to dismember. This was far worse than anything I had ever seen, and I had witnessed some horrendous nightmares. "She's fine, there's nothing to kill," I commanded the FitzArmy who blinked balefully at me.

A flying fist made contact with the wound on my chest, and I yelped. Gathering her flailing body into my arms, I firmly immobilized her thrashing limbs in my grasp, and started stroking her hair.

"I'm here. You are safe." I crooned while trying to tune out the roaring nerve endings shouting their complaints.

Given our bond, I thought that our old routine of touch and soft words would be enough to assuage her fears. My family understood when I placed a barrier around the two of us as I knew Bella would not want the immortal world to hear her scream so, although the sudden silence of it had frightened Seth and Leah into charging the room before Emmett and Jasper stopped them. Jacob paced outside Paula's door a floor below.

And when I had felt Bella stiffen in my arms and try to squirm away from me in vain, and plead, "I'm just a human. Kill me," I wanted to weep like a child, silently shaking as I caressed her temple. The little light in the room that immortals could sense emphasized Arria's high cheekbones, and the razor sharp edge of her eyes as she crouched by the bed. I pulled Bella close and rocked back and forth. Quietly, I grieved for the love I'd slain as my dear little one pushed ineffectively against me. Devastation took root, as I realized how I had poisoned her mind with inexcusable slurs. I trembled too much to be able to carry a tune to serenade her to sleep or even hum to comfort her. Bella's gasps fell in time with my broken beating shell of a heart.

Arria cautiously reached out and stroked Bella's forehead, which seemed to help. My dear little Grandmaster gradually settled down, and Arria lifted the shield. Surely the worst had passed. I did my best to tune out the worried cogitations of my relations as they worried within the walls of the mansion. And then, I feel asleep at her side. Even Genevieve left me alone. I did not even merit a taunt or two from Sitting Bull, or a thwack or five from Teddy Roosevelt despite most assuredly deserving them.

The same sequence repeated itself three more times that night, each one longer than the episode prior. And might I say, going from the darkness of dreamless sleep to hearing Bella scream felt equally ghastly every time it happened. At vampire speed, I noted my reactions were starting to resemble the startled cat in the cartoons on television as each time she shrieked I would leap from the bed as if shocked by a cattle prod and search for something to slay.

I had picked up from Decimus' thoughts that this had been going on for months accompanied by his loathing of me and worry for Arria's daughter. He recalled that no matter how many nights he had sat by her side she had screamed anyway so he had, at her doctor's orders, stopped disturbing her sleep. I now understood her deterioration in part, she was sleep deprived and terrorized by that toad stalking her sleep. No wonder she couldn't eat. With each incident, I realized the torture of being separated from her these past months rivaled the agony of watching Bella flee in her dreams from demons I had fiendishly unleashed. And it was completely creepy that Decimus watched her sleep, and let her shriek. We would definitely be discussing this issue. And boundaries.

Alerted by Emmett who maintained vigil outside, I did not protest when Carlisle and Marcus entered the room. Father administered a sedative to her with an injection while I held her still in my arms as she screamed during the third nightmare. He placed his hand gently against her brow, and swept aside her hair to look upon her tear-streaked face muttering, "Poor dear."

Moving to the other side of the bed, Father patted my shoulders as I held her. And he made me drink four bags of blood. Arria stoically handed me three glasses of algae. Rosalie insisted on taking my blood pressure as I was now running a fever of 102. And my shoulder smarted enough that I actually requested pain killer. Father managed to sneak a sedative in there when I was not looking and I felt woozy.

"Her heart can't take this." I administered oxygen to Bella with the clear plastic tubing in her nostrils as Marcus turned the tank's handle to the right.

"Edward, we'll take this one day at a time. She will sleep now. You have to be strong for her now and give her time. And you are a wreck. You have to rest."

The Gorgon slipped through the door. As Bella flailed about in my arms while I monitored the drug's course through her system, the Gorgon approached with a shining hand and said in Oscan, "Hush, child. You are safe."

The word "Salvus," emerged from Bella's lips as she quieted and relaxed.

Father had no idea what I had done, though, on the day I had left Forks, and I could not tell him in my shame.

"Edward given all she's been through in just the past few days it's no surprise she's having these dreams." He soothed. Father muttered something about cumulative stress and having to read some more and that he would consult with me the following day.

Marcus said, "Edward, it seems overwhelming right now but it will become better. She's so frail as a human and her body has suffered as well as her mind. She cannot recover in hours like you." Eerily, he caressed her hair exactly as Genevieve had done, and that seemed to settle Bella.

Father agreed, "Right now she simply requires rest, and time for the medication to aid her system," he encouraged, as he, Marcus, and Vivinna slipped from the room. Mother perched on the sofa by a silent Arria as I slipped into sleep.

When morning broke, I stroked Bella's hair like I always did to wake her. I hated to interrupt her rest, but she needed her next dose of medication. And we had to travel to the hospital as soon as possible to administer more complicated tests. I warned my family that Bella and I required privacy and erected a shield, ordering Arria from the room with an irritated glance. She left the house, much to my surprise. Arria, not Bella. Rosalie had sedated Bella moments before. She should be placid once I managed to get her to agree to be awake.

Bella opened her eyes, took one look at me and curled her face in the strangest amalgamation of revulsion, hope, and despair before trying to hurl off the bed. I moved at wolfpyre speed to block her, easily leaping over her hurtling form and catching her safely. Lurching backwards, she attempted to scramble from my arms, panting in fear. Despite that whole sedated-to-the-eyeballs issue, I could all but feel the waves of emotion pouring from her. Lat time I checked, I was not an empath.

"Bella. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you. Please calm yourself."

Admittedly, it was not the best way to begin the morning. She blinked at me as if I had sprouted tiny demons from each shoulder that chanted spells at her pitching fire and abuse.

"Oh no you don't. I'm not falling for that trick again. You are not real. You don't even _look_ like Edward. I'm not telling you a thing."

And this irritating humming noise began and my hands were pushed two millimeters from her flesh. Not enough for her to notice, perhaps, but regardless it gained my undivided regard. The Fitzflock opened their eyes and glared.

"Get out," she whispered, and pushed against me.

Golly, my still-not-healed wounded shoulder picked that precise moment to send signals of overwhelming pain; possibly due to her hand pushing at it.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Bella dear," I gritted. "And I'm in my own room."

"Don't 'Bella dear' me, loser. You can't even talk like he did. By door or window I care not. Leave." She had been around Mary Alice too long; I flinched behind a calm façade.

So I gave up my dignity and confessed, "You were my first kiss."

She puffed air derisively through her lips, "Not buying it."

"I taught you how to float." She removed her hands from over her ears.

"Everyone learns how to swim. Still know you're fake." She actually stuck her tongue out at me.

"You are terrified of open water. You have a pen pal in Spain. Your Grandmother taught you how to embroider. You are bored at school and usually work three weeks ahead of everyone else. Liam taught you how to shoot arrows and fence. And you are the kindest soul I have ever known in my time on this Earth."

"You've tried that trick before, too. This is becoming boring." The scary thing was, she sounded like she meant every word. What the blazes was she talking about?

I blurted, "The key code to get into Liam's lab is 78429320482A223197F9ZPQW6."

She stilled. I pressed forward with my verbal campaign. "You killed a criminal to save my life with the blade Liam gave you, and wept about it the next night in my arms." There. See, I was a gentleman after all. To keep Starched Shirt Edward from hyperventilating, I proved my regard with murder rather than recounting the number of times I'd made her orgasm on that day in the cave. My cave. Not _that_ cave. And I would never subject my wife to the indignity of having to endure multiple orgasms around listening immortal ears.

Then Bella lightly slapped her face, patted her upper chest and pinched her arm. "Oh God, I'm awake, aren't I?" She winced and moved her shoulder as if it hurt.

"That you are," I whispered solemnly.

She inhaled a deep breath and schooled her features into an awfully good impression of a composed young woman. "What are you doing here?"

"I am at my house."

"Yes. Why am I here?" Bella said that in a monotone voice. Perhaps the sedatives worked now?

"It was the safest place we could keep you last night."

"What are you doing in bed with me?"

"You had nightmares all night, Bella."

"So?" I totally knew where she inherited that tone of voice.

That was the point where my planned script ended, and words scurried away leaving me like the lone thief in the room as the police stormed through the doorway. We began a staring contest. She tilted her head and scrutinized me, concern fleeting across her face for a moment before being hidden.

"The last time we talked you could not run away fast enough. What brings you back to Forks?"

"You."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Bella you have God knows how many other vampires pursuing you at present. I cannot leave you."

Although the truth, that was, in hindsight, perhaps not the best strategy to employ, seeing as how it had been disastrous in the past. I reminded myself again of my need to adhere to our platinum rule of dishonesty in the name of our love. Her eyes glazed over and she stilled. Then she adopted that Liam-faced demeanor I loathed.

"Why?"

"How could you ask that?" I switched tactics and did not have to pantomime the sadness I showed.

My heartfelt plea met nothing but silence. Bella eyes searched the room most likely to see if any other immortals lurked nearby.

"Sue and Harry are dead. And the tribe and my family are being attacked. I don't have time to deal with any more games."

Sometimes you had to hurt the ones you adored in order to make them well. I had no shame in playing the Victoria card. "Victoria had hundreds of friends with her and they need to be found." I did not think Bella was in any mental or physical condition to hear about Maria and her thousands of soldiers that I suspected were coming our way. Even miscreant, deviant, semi-reformed, newly married serial killers like me had limits.

"Thank you for your concern. I've lasted this long without you. I think I can take care of myself. I have others who have helped." I did not like how the words, "take care" sounded.

I snorted. Her shoulders stiffened in outrage and she started to wheeze and grab her chest doubling over.

Like old times, I handed her an inhaler. She snatched it and administered two puffs, and placed it on the table by habit. Her heart rate slowed. That's when the twins decided to greet the morning with dueting wails.

"I hear children crying," she said.

Arria had, to her credit, instructed Skeevy to take Merrisol back to her coven to finish her transition, not wanting Bella to be disturbed.

"The twins have been resting downstairs in the nursery Mother and Rosalie have been making. Rosalie and Emmett have adopted them." That made her stop for a moment. "When you saved those children, you did a very brave thing. Why did you do it?"

"Because."

"Well, I'm here 'because.'"

She made no response. So I forged ahead. God, I detested talking. Now more than ever. I felt like I stood before my judge and jury - which actually she kind of sort of was. So I did the moral thing. I diverted her attention from the numerous failings of my character.

"You have a heart condition that is treatable, and Father wants you to take these." I handed her the first dose of medication which she placed on the table. My dear little distrusting one stared at the bottles.

"Bella, how long has your heartbeat been irregular?"

Jasper had hacked into the hospital for her medical files, but knowing her, she had probably been suffering for weeks before being seen. I had perused them over Father's shoulder, spiritually speaking, last eve. They were all worried that I would destroy the household upon reading them. Fergus, the immortal who had taken over for Father during his extended vacation, had overseen her care. In the chaos of last night, I had forgotten about him. He had worked at the hospital all night and currently chatted with Father in their shared office.

She stared at the bottles and made no reply.

"Bella, how bad does your head hurt?"

She rubbed at her collarbone. "I feel fine. You really look like you need rest. And what happened to your shoulder?"

Seeing as I was fully clothed and she could not see the bandages - that bombshell left me stupefied. Bella rubbed the precise spot where I'd been bitten - on her own body.

"I had a run-in with a few European werewolves when I found Paula." I seized the opportunity to look like the hero I was not.

"What?"

"Paula's alive. We rescued her last night. She's downstairs right now on the second floor sleeping. And your Father is here along with Seth and Leah." I had to be truly desperate to pull that trick. And I left out that whole, "Jacob Black is sulking downstairs," part because she did not need to be further annoyed.

"Where are Seth and Leah now?"

"Sleeping. They are exhausted from last night. They helped with Paula."

"What happened?"

I waved an arm airily; a perfect imitation of her father, although she refused to let it show. "Not much. Phoenix and his army attacked the reservation and were beaten into ashes by Marcus and John Quill and the thousands of soldiers we brought back with us. The Quileutes threw a huge bonfire and burned down almost the entire reservation." Her eyes widened. "And we found Paula over a hundred miles to the east being hunted by a lost coven." Now that I thought about it, I had no idea how that had ended as I had passed out and all.

I reached out to Jasper and said at vampire pitch, _"Jasper, do I want to know what I did last night?"_

_"Actually, I don't think you do." _Then he blocked me. Decisively.

Duly noted.

"Does your shoulder hurt right there?" I pointed to where she had her hand over it.

"A little and I have no idea why." I was not about to inform her of my suspicions.

Bella squinted at me and sniffed, "You have blood in your ears, but I can't smell it. I'll let you have the first shower." I cringed as the first thought that came to mind was, - 'Actually my sister gave me a sponge bath last night, so I'm fine.' That would go over well. Ew.

Searching for a safe topic I said, "I bathed last night." I walked to the sink and began to apply shaving cream single-handedly after washing the blood from both ear canals. "Where's your charm bracelet?"

She traced the carvings in the wood of the headboard with a finger, "I don't have it anymore."

"I do not understand. Did you lose it?" That bracelet meant the world to her. I'd have to replace it immediately.

"No."

"Then what happened to it? Did someone steal it?"

Now I felt morally outraged. Stealing from my wife was wrong. She ground her teeth, and stared at my shoulder, which throbbed every time I moved my arm.

Bella stood, scraped the handful of pills into her palm, and took them all with a few sips of water. I said nothing as she approached me, and pulled a vanity stool out from a corner and pushed me into it. Yes ma'am. She could push me around anytime. "_By the way. We're married."_

She took the razor from my hand, "Sit before you hurt yourself."

My sister had initially meant to modify the razor and had been vastly amused that my beard could be trimmed by an ordinary three cent human made blade.

Bella turned on the hot water faucet. I stared up at her in adoration, which clearly made her uncomfortable, so I switched strategies and looked pathetic instead, which came naturally.

She shaved my face slowly. A man could get used to this. And seeing as my shoulder screamed in agony, certain parts of me behaved themselves as my blood supply was otherwise occupied. She pushed my face to the left to get a better angle. I totally ignored that her hands shook a little. She was weak after all, and I a selfish boor in allowing her to shave me. I was memorizing every second.

"I know how much that bracelet meant to you, Bella," I pressed, "What happened?"

She must have channeled Arria at that moment, her voice became so frigid, "I put it in the coffin with Sue, ok?" Bella put the blade down, and folded her arms across her chest. My face was halfway shaved. I could not finish the rest of it, given my arm wound, I realized.

"I am so sorry to hear about their deaths. They were remarkable people. I'll get you another bracelet."

"You can't"

"Of course I can, I can get you one right now if you like," I extracted my phone from my pocket. No gesture was too small to earn her forgiveness.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Bella snatched the phone from my hand, placed it on the cabinet, and said in a slightly elevated tone, "Leave. Now." She appeared outraged. She even gestured with a pointed index finger helpfully in the direction of the doorway in case I was confused about the only exit in the room.

"But..." Approaching her like one would a venomous viper; I tapped her hand which made her lift her gaze to meet me.

"You don't get it. You can't just replace memories. You can't make it all go away with a stupid piece of metal. Life doesn't work like that for us mere mortals." With each word, it sounded as if life fled her and left an empty shell.

"Oh, I see." In truth, I did, thinking upon all the countless images of my mortal life that my human Mother had gifted me with days ago. Re-discovering my life did nothing to change the heartache of the loss of my Parents, even after all these years.

Pity filled her voice, "No, you don't. And that's the problem."

"Bella, I am so sorry for the way I treated you. I was cruel. Please forgive me. I did not mean to hurt you. I have . . . new gifts . . .that cause me to have a temper that can rage out of control. And on that day, I . . . What I said. . ."

"Of course," she interrupted.

I stared at her.

She picked up the razor and continued shaving me. "You can't help that you don't love me because I'm a human with pleasant-smelling blood. I get that." Her strokes were even, businesslike, in fact. "And at least you told me the truth. Of course I forgive you. Arria explained what a singer was. I appreciate how hard it has been for you to refrain from killing me. In your place, I probably would have lied just as much to stay around something that affected me so."

A strangled "Wha-?" was all my piteous brain could muster as a response.

Bella had returned to the "Stun the Cullen," mode, God help me. She finished the other side of my face in record time. I gawped at her. Then she handed me a wet washrag to wipe the traces left. When I sat there like a stone, she took it from my hand and dabbed at my cheeks.

"You did have a point in what you said that day." The cloth went under my goggling eyes which I unfortunately had to close momentarily, ruining my unfeigned astonishment.

"Yes, about that -"

"When I was seven," she continued as if I had not croaked, "I convinced myself that I had fallen in love with a drawing based on a story about you. And you sure charmed the socks off of me." She morphed her muscles into the mockery of a smile. "It seemed so _ridiculous_ that an immortal would spend two seconds with me. By telling me the truth, you made me realize how quickly I rushed into things."

"Bella, I - "

She talked over me, "Arria explained how vampires can influence humans' behavior. So I agree that your . . .gifts probably affected me and helped me along with that illusion. Now that I know the truth, I won't make the same mistake again." She left the bathroom. Gaping at her back, I felt like someone had cleaved a limb from me with a dull blade and I merely waited for the sensation of exquisite agony to commence as a leech approached me with a glowing poker to cauterize the spurting wound. I lifted my phone and stared at its face as if the smartphone could help me. Idiot.

Jugurtha breathed, "The fact that she has not attempted to slit your throat should be recorded for all time. Watch her. And get up from the stool and go into the bedroom."

He said that like she had something devious up her sleeve. She was barely in any shape to string two sentences together. The Bella I knew never spoke that long, either. I sucked in a nervous breath and entered the lair of my dear little Grandmaster. Egad! I did not like feeling so discombobulated.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our dear little peach did not say she did not love you." True. But he was the eternal optimist.

"We have arranged for breakfast to be served at the hospital." I put on my coat and searched the closet for one of hers. And staring at the dusty rows of shirts, I remembered that I had moved all of her clothing to her house with Charles Swan. The coat that Marcus had gifted her with had mud on it, and the one she had worn last night from the emergency supply had been torn in the efforts to remove it. I could not have her chilled.

"It's ok. I'm not really hungry." She stammered, and backed up a step. The backs of her knees brushed against the footboard.

I stepped a pace towards her. "Yes, Bella, actually you're quite hungry. I can hear your stomach."

She jerked away from the wood as if scorched and lunged backwards. Unswayed, I took another step.

"So why don't you want to eat? Do you think you are overweight?" She couldn't be anorexic could she? I believe I accidentally uttered that word aloud as I saw her face transform and bloom into anger. I suspected from her reaction that I was not the only one who had wondered this.

"It hurts, ok?" she snapped.

Bella now had my undivided attention as I stepped forward to hold her by the shoulders, "Where does it hurt?" I couldn't stand the idea of her in pain. And she never admitted it if she could help it. And lifting my arm in that manner, outraged nerve endings retorted, was not a move I cared to repeat. Ouch.

"Lately, when I try to eat my stomach just feels in knots. And I'm hungry all the time. It's like I can't eat enough." She looked like she was going to cry. Although it was physically impossible, she tried to shrink into the floor rather than endure my touch.

"Have you been vomiting?" I kept my tone even.

"No."

"If you don't eat you weaken your immune system and the stress will have even more of an impact on you. We're going to go to the hospital. I'd like Carlisle to examine you. And we need to get you on an antidepressant at the very least."

"I'm fine. I'm simply tired." She ran her fingers through her hair wearily. I found it atypical how Bella avoided uttering my name. She swung away from me, lifted up the shutters, and took in the winter view from the glass wall.

"Bella, I'm a doctor. You are not fine."

"I'm not going. You're over reacting."

She crossed her thin arms over her bony chest. The shirt she wore made her weight loss all the more apparent. Pivoting, she leaned against the glass wall. She lifted the sole of her shoe to rest against the pane, and crossed her arms again.

"I saw you attempt suicide." There. I said those horrible words. Her face remained irritated.

"Right back atcha, Romeo." Well. She had me there. Sort of. There was no way she could know about my shameful time in the Puerto Rican trench.

Jugurtha soothed, "You were distraught. And it would have been impossible for you to die down there regardless. We would have had to be dismembered and you cannot light a pyre under water." Right. See?

"Bella, I was trying to save your life and that of my family in the Volturi's fortress. I am so sorry that you had to witness that. I cannot even begin to imagine how horrible that ordeal must have been for you."

She stared at me and said not a word. I was becoming frustrated. And not a little desperate.

At vampire speed, I approached her and put one hand on either side of her face, both palms flat against the glass wall. Looming from above, I told her, "Bella, I've already examined you and I know as a physician that you require further testing. You've lost so much weight that you are malnourished."

"Why do you even care?" She tilted her face up and me and stuck out her chin defiantly, "It's not like it's your business."

I didn't think it prudent for me to tell her, "_Actually my dear little one, we were married and according to vampire law it is now my business."_ Somehow, I didn't think that would go over particularly well.

Instead I tried logic - human logic. "From smelling your blood I can detect that your basic nutrients are missing and you are low in iron. Your heart rate is also drastically different." A mild understatement if ever, but I saw no reason to alarm her before we reached the hospital. "I have already seen the bruises and cracked ribs that you have, thanks to the very dead Victoria." She performed a double-take. "Arria killed her and then threw herself over the cliff to rescue you. Your Mother has one devil of a temper. I'm guessing you never had those examined by a doctor." Bella looked ashamed for a moment.

"You know?" She whispered, appalled.

"Know what?"

"About. . . me."

She acted as if I had discovered something repulsive about her. Which in fact it was. But I loved her still, demon-spawned-from-Hades female relations and all. And let's face it, she didn't just have a skeleton in her closet, she had boatloads of them, just waiting for the opportunity to explode and startle the wits from a man like a fun house of horrors at the county fair. My bride was the apotheosis of what Emmett called, "high maintenance." But still. I loved her so. I was going to have to maintain decent relations with all sorts of unpleasant immortals for her sake. But she made the sacrifice worthwhile. High maintenance, indeed.

"If you mean your parentage, then yes, I found out in Italy while you were indisposed. None of us had any idea. It's why your . . .Genevieve had been warning us all along that you were in danger. It was a rotten thing for them to do keeping something that critical from you," I sniffed.

Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me Mr. Holier-than-thou Hypocrite, _We_ have kept many, many things from her, too." Right. That. Well, in our case it was morally right. Sort of. But when it had mattered, we had told her the truth. Kind of.

Jugurtha stared at his pocket watch, tsked and suggested, "You're been staring off into space for two seconds now. Time to speak." Good point, clever man.

I continued, "I am sure they had their reasons. From everything I have been able to gather, Genevieve, Liam, and Jericho loved you more than life itself." Which was totally true. They died in her name, not that she needed to know that particular fact, either.

The soul of tact, diplomacy, too, I did not think she was in any condition to hear, _"Your life has changed over night. Marcus Telecles is the most powerful immortal on the planet and you are his living human Granddaughter. And we're married. Surprise! Can I have an unfortunately non-instant orgasmic kiss?"_

Instead I countered, "We also need to rule out that you don't have an ulcer. That could be why your stomach is hurting. And from your ordeal in the water," I couldn't bring myself to say 'suicide attempt' and she jerked at the word 'water,' "We need to have you evaluated to make sure you did not injure yourself and that you will not try again."

"What I do or don't do is no longer your business. Please, for the last time, leave so I can go to school and get on with dating my Legion of Admirers."

Despite the fact that I completely deserved her scorn, it hurt to have my words thrown back at me.

I knew better than to mention the other marks on her body because frankly, there was nothing to be done about them, and I seriously doubted she knew about them yet. And despite her fragile state, I knew I was going to have to push her.

"I can't." I ran the backs of my fingers along the shell of Bella's ear, and toyed with the strands of her hair.

"You can't what?"

Her birds scoffed at me, and I snarled at vampire pitch and speed, "Listen up, you yahoos, you failed to protect her in the first place and now she suffers. So don't _even_ think about emerging from her spirit. She requires a different kind of aid than your lot can offer. And as her mate, it is my right by law to care for her." Sulking, they simmered but remained in place.

"You have a choice, my sweet. You can go willingly and have either Carlisle or Rosalie examine you. Or I will take you myself and conduct the most thorough physical exam I guarantee you have ever had from a physician." I could sense the goose-flesh rise along the skin of her neck. And I had no problem exhaling on her a time or nine.

Bella's eyes widened at that point, and she held her breath.

"Stop doing that. You'll only faint." Images of her drowning stabbed at me, the memory of her burning lungs, and the glass window began to rattle, making her jump. And inhale.

Livid, she held her breath again. Following Jugurtha's advice with Starched Shirt Edward patting my back, I tried to take in a few deep calming breaths of my own. Inwardly, I quailed as she glared displaying equal portions fury and despair. I could understand the rage part, but the anguish baffled me. I was her mate. She craved physical contact from me. I knew that for a fact. Vampire physiology said so. If I had to touch her and felt markedly better doing so, it made perfect sense she would yearn for the same, and that it would comfort her. So when my hands moved towards her waist, she gave up her toddler tantrum and took in another shuddering breath.

"You wouldn't. You're too proper." She glanced up at me and blushed to the roots of her hair.

I leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "Want to bet?"

And fine, it was perhaps out of line for me to run my nose against her cheek. And neck. And other cheek, and the crook of her neck. I wanted to stay there forever. Since my heart was irregularly beating I had to breathe sometime. I was only inhuman. She stiffened as I inhaled much needed oxygen - and even more needed beloved-wife-temporarily-speaking-to-me-again-singer scent. Belatedly, I realized just how tacky that completely necessary respiration appeared, given our months ago discussion of the significance of her blood's charms upon me. I ceased breathing immediately when I saw tears well into her eyes. Sighing, I pushed away from the wall, said, "I apologize," and produced a clean handkerchief for the tears I was sure would fall, feeling like a cad. When I could look her in the eye, I found my handkerchief unused, untouched, and unnecessary. Bella's eyes were clear. She refused to cry.

"You can't," She stammered - a plea and a demand. If she was going to be stubborn, I would totally win that contest. For us.

"Ah, my dear, but I can and I will. I'm a doctor, Bella. I went to medical school twice, for goodness' sakes. And I refuse to sit back and watch you suffer any longer, when you are clearly ill."

She snorted. I didn't even need to hear her recriminations for my appalling neglect of the past nine months. I could recite them on my own.

"Why Rosalie?" Bella seemed mutinous. "She wants me dead, remember?"

"If that were the case, given your recent behavior, why would you complain?"

She pursed her lips and breathed through her nose. I thanked my unlucky stars that I had that sound barrier in place, and proceeded to babble. "No, Bella. Rosalie _wanted_ you dead when I first began courting you because she feared the Volturi would kill our entire family for breaking the law. And she quickly changed her mind once she got to know you. Rosalie adores you, Bella. She is a medical doctor as well. She graduated at the top of her class in Cornell. You need not worry about Jasper, either, when he's been fed. He planned on killing you because he did not like seeing me suffer from the effects of your scent. And that law part."

Jugurtha chastised, "That was not particularly soothing." Well, true. But she needed to be warned about Jasper.

Talking about my family's past murderous plots mortified me. She had to know they meant her no ill will. From a mere mortal's perspective, absent my protection, if they wanted her dead, she would be. Common sense said so. She simply used it to divert me.

"Bella, you are stalling. I have absolutely no problem with physically carrying you to the hospital. Your choice is to walk in there on your own two feet or be carried. What is it going to be?"

The bookshelves over my shoulder became the focus of her attention. They had been dusted while we'd slept, and Mary Alice had at some point ordered more chess books that had been unpacked. Bella appeared to be counting the new volumes.

"I can go by myself. I'm an adult." Her voice cracked on that last line.

"Time's up. And you are a horrible liar."

"Said by the expert," she zinged me with that. "You can't just drag me to the hospital. I'll tell my Father you kidnapped me. He's got a gun." I thought back to the last time she had used this ploy and my blood pressure rose.

I bit out, "Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for the hapless Chief Swan, I am bulletproof."

"Inconveniently so," her fingers tapped against the glass a grating nervous dance.

"For crying out loud, I'm immortal. Do you_ honestly _think your father could intimidate me?"

"Yeah, because you like that whole blending into society part. Being shot multiple times in public would make that sort of difficult."

"His bullets would never land. Since my Mother and Father are friends with Chief Swan, it would also be churlish for him to shoot at me in cold blood without at least hearing a token explanation. And when your Father sees the results of the medical exam and has it hammered home to him what an _abysmal_ job of parenting he's done these past few months, no charges will ever be pressed. Marginal bluff, by the way, further proof of your decline, my weak Grandmaster. I am done talking."

Bella's eyes widened as I removed my coat, and she flinched and held her arms up cradled around her head. She seemed absolutely panicked. Warning her with my eyes, I extended my coat for her to don. She refused to, offered her back to me, and held her hands over her face.

Jugurtha ticked off points with his fingers, "She is traumatized, she is mourning, you cannot expect her to be able to think like she usually does. And I'm sorry to tell you this, but in the grand scheme of things, us being unkind to her pales in comparison to Sue and Harry being murdered, seeing the slaughter in the throne room, and her being hunted for months on end by hundreds of immortals. We have to tread carefully. Push too hard and she'll stop talking."

Bella stood in her socks and wore no shoes, but that simply meant she would not be going anywhere in the winter cold, so I definitely was not putting any on her. I'd heard the phrase "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen," applied to the ideal wife. One out of three wasn't bad. Although she wore wool socks. But still.

"Fine. If that is how you want it. You appear to be incapable of making simple decisions that are in your best welfare. So I will make them for you."

Using one hand, I pulled her away from the glass. The second our flesh touched, a blue spark erupted, and made her yelp. I took advantage of that and carefully wrapped her in my coat. Gently, I slung her over my unwounded shoulder as I had promised. I could hear her gasp as her broken ribs moved. Since she could not see me in her upside-down position, I did not bother to hide the wince I made. I loathed hurting Bella; but this would obtain her medical care, so it had to be done.

She muttered darkly under her breath something about being treated like an infant and how wrong this was, called me an unreasonable jerk, and fumed that I was further damaging my own shoulder. Wholeheartedly, I concurred with the "jerk" part; however, I begged to differ on the "unreasonable" business. Taking her for further testing was the most rational thing I'd done in months. Leaving our shielded haven would be problematic in her current mode. Bella totally was right on that shoulder business, but I decided I could handle a puny human, an adorable one, but still weak.

"Vampires possess the ability to hear far better than humans do. I have used my gifts to afford us privacy so my family and the assorted soldiers outside stay out of our business. Now, I will have to remove those barriers. For your sake, I will try to leave the house without my family having to witness you behaving like an infant. I suggest you aid me by being silent. If you protest, they'll decide they need to accompany us. And they'll find this hugely entertaining, as will the army that surrounds the house." That made her stiffen, and grumble something about injustice. Perhaps playing the "she hates being the center of attention," card represented an underhanded move, but it appeared to work.

Inspired by Skeevy, "Who ever misled you to belief that life was fair?" I mordantly asked, as I whispered the Quileute words to allow the rest of the world to hear us.

I opened the bedroom door and at vampire pitch said, _"Bella is having a difficult time agreeing that she requires medical assistance. I think she would be more comfortable if you did not see me carry her down the stairs."_ That was the absolute truth. Well, it was. Sort of.

My family and all the guards lining the halls did a wonderful vanishing act as I carried her down the staircase.

Rosalie said as she got into her car to drive to the hospital, "It's your ashes if you drop her." As if.

"Way to go, Edward," Emmett choked as he whisked by at vampire speed. "You go boy!" I was not a boy, and I clearly did not require being ordered to take my bride to the hospital. Twice. My brother confused me constantly.

Bella struggled and immediately ceased when I placed a splayed palm on her backside. "I really do not want to drop you, but when you jerk like that it hurts my shoulder." Clearly, I should have done that move sooner. For moral reasons, of course. Now that we were married I could, when alone - which we were - totally fondle - I mean touch - her backside whenever I desired. I could hear mentally the gasps of horror that my human Mother would have made at such a picture as well as my lurking family and adjusted my grasp on my dear little raging one accordingly. Particularly when I sensed the company that awaited us outside. Given his temperament, it would not do for her Grandfather Marcus to be unnecessarily upset, so my hand had reason number two to relocate to her upper back, and I adopted the visage of a saint as Mother called that they would follow since Carmen and Eleazar offered to babysit the twins. And I totally pretended that my shoulder was not killing me the entire time. Darned European werewolves and their filthy mouths.

To divert my attention, my thoughts meandered to happier times. Bella had once complained that the Vikings were inelegant fighters. Having her draped over a shoulder like well-earned plunder most definitely made me reconsider that notion. And I stiffened as I extended my gift to scour the area outside, hearing the sniffs of an aristocratic mind or ninety.

"What does _he_ have that I do not?" one name Seamus moped.

Her, idiot. I have her. I reinforced that point by making spiritual hands burst from the soil and pull him squealing like a swine to the ground, while encircled by his confused coven. They stilled when they saw the green color of the hands that the spirits happily clenched into threatening claws. And I would know nothing about the dagger-like fingernails the hands wore, or the venom that dripped from them, spiritually speaking, of course. No one, and I mean no one, was putting a hand on my booty.

* * *

Swan picture for the chapter:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/FightingSwans (dot) jpg

**Snarky Summary: ****So in this chapter we saw Edward find out that Paula has gained a whole new following of disreputable arrogant Lost Coven hooligans and Eurotrash werewolves. The gigantic kind. With really big sharp pointy and, might I add, unhygienic teeth, accompanied by gingivitis galore. They offer Edward a biting farewell. Not that kind of biting. Main Edward, Seth, Leah, Jacob, Jasper, Emmett some Fake Canadians, and a legionnaire or two hundred wander into a battle. Oops. And Edward has some, ahem, performance issues. Due to stress. Not size. Or the cold. Fine, yes to the cold. And Starched Shirt Edward screaming in his ear. **

**Edward dreams of Jacob's untimely demise due to a heroic death while saving his aunt. Jacob envisions Edward's most timely demise due to a heroic death while saving his aunt. Marginal minds think alike. SSE and Jugurtha outvote Main Edward, much to his dismay. Marcus shows Phoenix a thing or two about the appropriate administration of pain management, seeing as he has his D.B.A. – Doctor of Butchering Administration - in it. Vivinna almost gets the last word. Marcus four sons, Eenie, Meanie, Miney, and Metie metaphorically munch upon the extra crispy remains of Maria's deep fried into ashes army. Edward fights in a battle to save Paula, gets bit by a trashy European werewolf, and is a spiritual slut having unsafe spiritual relations, and kind of sort of dies. The End. Kidding. Not about the dying part. Since Jesus is busy with Holy Week, and Hashem with Passover, Larce Carthanai, the King of the Lost Covens, steps in and makes a Lazarus out of our anti-hero. And Sacajawea gives Edward a pop quiz. Cruel wench. Bella and Edward sleep together immediately. Not. Bella takes a blade to Edward's face. Finally, Edward and Bella have a lovely first conversation sans shrieking, screaming, or sedating, and he drags Bella to the hospital, after palming her ass. Someone has to be the adult in that relationship. *sniffs* **

**I will be posting the next chapter hopefully within 24 hours. **

**Please review, poor Edward needs reassurance. He's totally after Bella's ass-ets at present.**

**References:**

The title for this chapter was inspired by one of the funniest introductions I have ever heard in a speech. Prime Minister Tony Blair offers amazing apologies. Seriously. Belated ones. But still. Main Edward could learn a thing or two.

http:/www (dot) cnn (dot) com/2003/US/07/17/blair (dot) transcript/

There really is a Bring Your Child To Work Day. See?

http:/www (dot) daughtersandsonstowork (dot) org/wmspage (dot) cfm?parm1=936

Rodney King's question of "can't we all get along?" Inspired some of Edward's ranting.

http:/www (dot) npr (dot) org/templates/story/story (dot) php?storyId=97490927

Dante decided Satan deserved to suffer forevermore under ice. I read Dante eons ago. It was the semester from hell. Bwa-ha-hah

http:/www (dot) danteinferno (dot) info/

There really is a Tony Chachere's spice. http:/www (dot) tonychachere (dot) com/

Saint Sebastian was martyred in 287 by being shot with a whole bunch of arrows. http:/www (dot) saintsebastian (dot) us/martyrdom-of-st-sebastian (dot) htm

If you haven't read the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein, I highly recommend it. Emmett's complaint about "my precious" is a theme borrowed from it:

http:/www (dot) tuckborough (dot) net/gollum (dot) html

The Once and Future King by T.H. White uses the phrase 'might makes right' and is an awesome account if King Arthur. Two thumbs up.

http:/www2 (dot) netdoor (dot) com/~moulder/thwhite/

Samuel Taylor Coleridge's The Rime of the Ancient Mariner makes for exceptional reading

http:/etext (dot) virginia (dot) edu/stc/Coleridge/poems/Rime_Ancient_Mariner (dot) html

Some of Edward's lines regarding Genevieve were inspired by this satire:

http:/www (dot) begent (dot) org/perform (dot) htm


	56. HOD pt 45 Mated Dead or Alive

**This is a photo by Floris Van Breugel – I can't stop staring at his work. Really. Neither should you.**

**http://www**** (dot) artinnaturephotography (dot) com/images/large/20091229_0230 (dot) jpg**

**I have links to other pictures on my profile**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.****No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this.****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.**

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills. It is an act of love and dedication to read 150 plus pages. Twice. I bow before them.**

**Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for reading a draft of this chapter (and the next) and offering me priceless feedback.**

**And thanks to the ladies on the thread at Twilighted, and the ones at Twitter for general hilarity and inspiration. Feel free to follow me at Bookishqua. I'll follow you back.**

**As ever, thanks so much for reading!**

**Shout outs to my muses! Thanks for the reviews, pm's, tweets, and general awesomeness. Thanks for sticking with me all this time. And it really made my day to hear from readers that I've never heard from before, too. You all have no idea how amazing it is to read your feedback: JaJiTaTx, Mosekemom, Bkwrm, fanficreader83, schleprock, Merrisol, jenejes, TraceyJ, elpahbacy35, sonecrackle, Rosabella-Faith-Cullen, Mutt N. Feathers, solenoidbelle, prettyflour, CindyWindy, mamato, avidreader69, mortangel, Lady Dragona, Codelina, Purple Mad Dragon, Viridis73, Angelbach, Fitten, Jenn9394, Blue2185, cheeky_sweetie, redsoxlove, Rogue, kickedbckntn, Pomme_de_terre, notmyself, twifam1, mzzmjj, Forest Sentry Koneji, Rosaliesmiled, dellatwi, and Favludo. **

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Fine. You've Just been Rick=Rolled, but with a different song. Really. Swear. Evil Author's Honor:**

**Vincent – Rick Astley:**

**http://www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=hc7CcAiTnGk**

**Run – Snow Patrol:**

**http://www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=h_i89w8I1Mk&feature=related**

**Who let the dogs out? – Baha Men**

**http://www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=EKtnVASZooE&feature=related**

**Open Arms – Journey – You have to fast forward this to 2 minutes because Steve Cain likes doing freaking long piano solos. But dang! Journey's new lead singer Arnel Pineda has a set of pipes. ****http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=xUWJ8bf09BU**

**For the purists, here's the same song with Steve Perry:**

**http://www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=xShgBXY3kUc&feature=related**

**Breaking Inside – Shinedown**

**http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=34inp6QnA3o**

**

* * *

  
**

**AN: I feel the need to remind you all that only a few days have passed in this story since Bella leapt from the cliff. Everyone is therefore treating her very gently, but keeping in mind how fragile she is. You might have noticed she's having mood swings, too. Important. That. **

**Snarky Summary: So last chapter Phoenix went out with a big bang – not **_**that **_**kind of bang - courtesy of Marcus and Vivinna. No whimpering allowed. And Aro got his hands all over that troll in a supernatural pickpocketing routine like none other. For entire life mind reading purposes, of course. And Edward just happened to be um, mentally lurking, and gleaning all that knowledge that Aro managed to swipe from people's minds during that battle. Main Edward would like me to inform you that for the record, he was repulsed that Aro did not seem to be all that picky where his hands touched people, and that seemed rude. But he's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. The Quileutes really know how to make a "We'll show **_**you**_** Sherman marches through Georgia," kind of statement as they burned most of their reservation to the ground as a welcoming gift to the advancing army from Phoenix. Marcus showed up with a few thousand old-fogey friends to give them a hand, and a good time was had by all the geriatric-never-looked-so-good warriors, save Phoenix and his homies. On another front, Maria had forces to the east of Forks that Tiberius, reinforced by Marcus' four "we're back from the headless beyond" sons. And despite facing thousands of enemy troops for the first time in a millennium, Marcus' legionaries were bored stiffer than human - - - corpses. These imbeciles seem to think hurling themselves at them and trying to **_**nibble them to death**_** was an effective tactic. *snorts* "No, really, I don't mind at all standing here while you try to gnaw off my poisoned arm you disgusting nitwit." They would like me to inform you that these modern vampires are wusses and it was a community service for them to kill them to erase the stain to the honor of the immortal name. Those thousands of slobbering Southern-they-soon-got-schooled-in-the-virtues-of-vampire-blades forces were morbidly amusing. **

** On the final front of battle, Edward along with Jasper, Emmett, Skeevy, Jacob, Leah, Seth, and assorted legionnaires, Fake Canadians, and a few of Skeevy's troops frolic through the forest to find Paula. And find her they did, along with a really pissed off Lost Coven that she had been tracking and picking off in two-by-two's for the past seven months. Paula looks, well, it would be an understatement to say she is in dire need of Queer Eye for the Straight Wolf makeover. During the battle, Edward kinda sorta loses his temper and his powers kinda sorta fluctuate all over the place and the last thing he remembers is getting bit by one of those skanky Eurotrash Werewolves. Ouch. He finds himself in the grotto with Hezekiah who informs him that he's having another pop quiz. Drat. And he kind of sort of dies and is brought back to life by Marcus, Vivianna, Arria, Skeevy, Grace, Seth, and most importantly by Lars Caranthai – the King of the Lost Covens. While unconscious, Genevieve pays a sympathy visit to Edward and he really lets her have it about her morals, or lack thereof. He should know. Sheesh. Bella has a ghastly night of nightmares. When she wakes, they have a chat of sorts that ends up with Edward hauling her over his unhurt shoulder to be taken to the hospital. He realizes as he blitzes down the staircase hauling his dear little disgruntled one that her Grandparents and associated guards wait at the front door, so perhaps he should move his hand from her ass. And she's **_**his**_** booty and no one touches what is his by right. And we all know Edward is always right, right? And so we begin.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Eight – Part Forty-Five –Mated – Dead or Alive**

Marcus' limousine waited outside. I was going to have to talk to him about getting a less ostentatious automobile. A legionnaire opened the door, lips twitching at vampire speed, as I shifted Bella into the car. Marcus trained his men well. They had the manners to scoff at supernatural velocity and pitch to spare the delicate feelings of my dear little deranged one. Like cracked glass, I placed her on the leather bench seat beside a bemused Marcus. Bella's hands clashed against mine, as stubbornly, she insisted on fastening her own seatbelt with an angry click. She would not look at me. Arria and a clothed-in-modern-day-dress Vivinna sat inside as well. Marcus sported a navy suit that Father would have admired. The Gorgon and her spawn wore outfits I could have sworn that my sisters had ordered last year. And how someone found footwear that would hide Vivinna's cloven feet on such short notice . . . never mind. Together, stewing in silence, we made an uncomfortable family portrait.

Marcus as ever led the battle charge. "Bella, my dear, it is, as usual, a delight to see you. I understand we shall be visiting the hospital this morning."

She coughed into her sleeve as humans had been taught to do in flu-season, cleared her throat, and said, "Grandfather Marcus, he is completely over-reacting," Bella fumed, and leaned her head against the glass of the window, watching the town of Forks pass. I tried not to gawp at her calling him "Grandfather Marcus," and he did not bother to conceal his delight. We all ignored the flecks of blood on her shirt sleeve.

"My dear, your blood does smell very weak, your heart rate is not normal. You are covered in bruises that I can detect from twenty feet away. I can even sense the chemicals in your body healing your broken bones. You definitely need to see a doctor. I'll go with you. Your Grandmother, Mother, and I all love you and want you well."

Delicately, he grasped her left hand. From her seat to his left, Vivinna reached over her husband and rubbed her thumb across to top of Bella's palm in comfort. I could see how that one simple gesture impacted my mate. That family was disturbing with that whole hand-fondling habit. At least Vivinna had the good sense to keep her features neutral. Arria sat next to me and watched the exchange. Thank goodness she respected her daughter's personal space and did not feel the need to add to the hand holding-a-thon.

For a moment, I envied them. Ok, fine, longer than a moment. Not the hand-fondling habit. Just that they could hand-fondle _her_. Bella did not like being touched by strangers. Heck, she had barely tolerated affectionate contact by the Clearwaters, may their departed souls rest in peace. And here was Vivinna, who misplaced some of her children for a mere millennium, acting the picture of matronly affiliation? Shouldn't she be expressing some sort of maternal angst about that one she hadn't been able to track down? What was his name, Rascal? Who named their child that?

"His name is Rasce," Starched Shirt Edward corrected my Oscan. Whatever. He should have his named changed to, "Sulking-in-silence-for-more-than-seven-centuries-after-being-left-with-a-shoddy-sitter-by-Mom."

Extending my mind, I explained Bella's preferences concerning affectionate physical contact to Marcus showing him memories – not those kind of memories because that was most definitely not anyone's business especially her sword swinging and slicing Grandsire – memories from her and the Clearwaters. And I deliberately withheld my opinion on his wife's parenting skills, or lack thereof. That would have been rude, albeit highly accurate.

Bella hung her head and moved both socked feet away from mine on the floorboard.

"Fine."

Arria addressed me in Oscan at vampire pitch, "Edward, you look horrible and your wound . . ." She sniffed delicately.

I nodded. It reeked. Emmett's stitches had torn due to that slight tussle with my hu----my mate.

Arria handed Bella two granola bars. "I've been told that humans in a hurry like to eat these for breakfast. Would you care to humor me?"

Bella ate both bars, and even sipped from the container of whole milk Felix handed back from the front seat. I wanted to hate them for their over-organized successful persuading of my wife to partake of nourishment, compounded by their sneaky trick of driving slightly lower than the speed limit through side streets to add in time to our journey to ensure she finished her repast. And Bella could not help but display her discomfort with being the object of every immortal in the vehicle as she ate. It seemed hot as blazes in the car. I held my tongue because I suspected they tried to make it overly warm for Bella's sake and overcompensated. Everyone else held their tongues, too. The only noise was of Bella and me breathing. The crunch of the granola bar resounded in the confines of the car. Once she finished, Marcus commanded Felix to get them to the hospital posthaste. We arrived in two minutes.

Bella sat mutinously refusing to move. I sighed.

Moving at wolfpyre speed, I opened the door before anyone else could, unbuckled her seat belt and set her on the ground. Seeing as I now had blood staining my shoulder, I did not think it prudent to carry her.

Hesitatingly she moved towards touching my arm and pulled her hand back as if burned at the last second, "Your shoulder."

"I'll go see the doctor if you will."

Vivinna solved the clash of the Titan wills by taking Bella's hand in her own and leading her like a child to the hospital doorway. Marcus worried I would drop dead on him, so put what appeared to be a comforting arm around my shoulder. Actually, he held me aloft.

The concerned look in Carlisle's eyes accompanied by his rigid posture at the stench of me when we walked into the hospital caught everyone's notice. Father wore contacts to disguise his suddenly-green-from-consuming-algae irises as did my siblings and I. My Father was not a tactile person. So it startled both Bella and me when he hugged her briefly. His crew of nurses - my minions –all shook their heads and appeared bereft at the sight of her, and me. Father dispatched them on errands and quickly, my, how quickly, that examination room filled with unnecessary immortals.

Rosalie stood on her tiptoes, patted my forehead like a blind woman reading a face, and said the painfully obvious, "Edward, you have a high fever. He's not supposed to get fevers." My sister actually acted frightened as she insisted, "You're bleeding like a pig and your heart is still not beating properly, and I can _smell_ your wound festering."

Bella stood on the other side of the room staring fixedly at the spreading blood on my shirt. Fergus, Father's dour immortal doctor colleague who had taken his place all these months, gestured the way. Rosalie pushed me into an examining room as Father led a bewildered Bella into the adjoining one. Disrobing in front of my sister months ago had been traumatizing enough for me to vow never to do it again. Knowing it had happened once more last night while I had been indisposed only hastened the horror that stampeded in a frenzy through me. A man had to draw the line somewhere.

"Really, I can take my own cultures from the wound, thank you very much." My shirt was remaining in place on my back where it belonged. Fergus, damn him, stood in the corner supervising the mayhem, and not lifting a finger to assist me. It would not do for the humans to figure out that my teenage-appearing sister was directing my medical care.

Rosalie began caterwauling at being denied the sight of my disrobed self – and reflected a decidedly morbid fascination with my infected wound.

Vivinna, hearing the clamor, entered the room and asked, "What is it?"

Throwing her hands out in vexation, Rosalie sniped, "Edward is not cooperating. I need to examine him, and he refuses to remove his shirt."

Before I could blink, Vivinna ripped the garment off my back with a malicious smile as the buttons flew across the room, rolled around, and died in shame.

"Youngling, were you waiting for me to disrobe you again? You certainly have more interesting scars compared to last time."

Oh, by all the saints in Heaven, she was trying to finagle me being murdered by Marcus. I had never been more thankful that Bella did not speak Oscan than at that particular moment. Indubitably, it would have been squirmingly uncomfortable trying to explain that comment to my mate. Not that she had heard it. But still.

"_Last time?"_ went every immortal mind in the hearing area.

Emmett thought,_ "Oh, Hell no. Eddie and ……"_

Even the tips of my ears burned as I attracted more attention by flushing. The short haircut made it all the more obvious.

While Vivinna may have possessed lovely features – it was clear which side of the family Bella received her gorgeous face from – I would sooner sleep with Tanya, all of her sisters, and the newborns, possibly some animals of the forest, in that order before I would ever consider sexual congress with the pit-viper meets banshee wife of Marcus. She was one step above Jessica Stanley on the lowest rung of the sexual desire food chain.

Speaking of my savior, Marcus entered the room trailed by guffawing legionnaires and said, "Darling, why are you tormenting Edward?"

She beamed up at her spouse. "Because he makes it so amusing." And with a firm hand on my unwounded shoulder she pushed me towards my sister and said, "Behave, now. Or I'll finish the job."

That woman was Satan. I stiffened my shoulders and refused to dignify that threat with a response. Grace said she hadn't interfered when I whined about the lack of supernatural back up because, "you sick." Wonderful.

Starched Shirt Edward yelped, "Well I never." We all knew that.

Jugurtha smirked and said, "She's yanking your chain and you are falling victim to it, hook, link, and sinker."

"What do you mean?"

"Has it occurred to you that there are most likely different norms concerning nudity in her coven dating from the culture of her eon? She's clearly figured out you are modest from your last stay with her."

Right. That. Drat. What did I have to do, start parading around naked again? Once in front of Chief Swan was enough, thank you very much.

My family had apparently been busy during the night. They had managed to round up appropriate modern clothing for Marcus and his soldiers that he showed in public, no mean feat. The rest of the troops were skulking in hideouts all over the park. Jasper was mentally debating the merits of air dropping clothing and supplies to make it go faster.

Marcus and Vivinna both stared along with the scared-into-a-once-in-an-eternity-silence Rosalie at the vivid marks that perched on my chest. The legionnaires were kind enough to ignore the scars, seeing as they had seen their fair share of them. Some mangy Eurotrash mongrel had literally ripped the flesh from the area around my collarbone. And while Grace had managed to heal Bella with a minimal of scarring, the same, alas, could not be said for me.

Jasper dashed into the room initially thinking he was sparing me from Marcus' wrath, followed by Emmett, only to stop, presenting an obstacle for my bulky brother to crash against.

"Edward, what the…." Emmett stepped forward, gestured to my seeping shoulder and thought, _"I sutured this last night and that wound looks almost new."_

Grace's talons had left scars that literally pulsed. She hoped they would eventually fade to white, but at present they were a mass of purple, pink, and red puckered ribbons of rent flesh.

How bizarre. Jasper apparently found the marks to be worthy of envy. My brother was peculiar to no end. Bite envy? Talon envy? I had no idea what to label this particular neurosis.

Rosalie dangled the jewelry that had been in my pants pocket the night before in front of me and said, "Edward, behave so Fergus and I can examine you and I'll give you back your ring and locket." Now she was playing dirty. My lips flapped like a beached fish. And all those green flames might have possibly exploded all over me, making everyone save Rosalie, Marcus, and Vivinna flinch. Figures.

Marcus said, "May I see them please?" to my sister, who handed over the booty. My booty. This was entirely inappropriate. Our Mother standing in the corner, angered at Rosalie's rifling through my human family's mementos in the middle of a crises, and worse taking them from the house without my knowledge or consent in order to toy with me. Gracious Mother was mad. She gave Rosalie a "you-are-so-in-trouble-when-we-get-home" look that raised my morale. Rosalie did not bother to feel shame. All was fair in love and medicine.

Rosalie thought at me, _"You're acting like a jackass."_ Ruthless researcher.

"These appear to be a bit feminine," Marcus teased.

"They belonged to my late human Mother. At her bequest, I gave them to Bella when I asked her to be my bride." I did not bother to disguise my discomfort and might possibly have let my emo-brother have an extra vicious surge of it so he could project it to the entire room. Who know actually expressing emotions could be revenge – I mean authentic persuasive communication?

Marcus handed them to me respectfully and offered an apologetic glance. "Rosalie," he did not turn to speak to her, staring at me instead, "You have my personal guarantee that Edward will behave. Holding Bella's jewelry hostage, while clever, is not required." Stupendous. "Dearest," he addressed his solemn wife - who by the thoughts she shared of my haunted face from days before - clearly remembered having to repair the locket when I visited her last, "why don't you take everyone with you to the waiting room so Rosalie and Fergus can work?"

Vivinna quietly shepherded a surly parade of siblings, family, and assorted personnel into the waiting room. Mother remained in the room. She approached me from behind and put a comforting arm on my back. I could feel the tension radiating through her. From her thoughts the sight of the wound had her considerably distressed. Like a beggar scouring through empty pockets in panic, I had no words of comfort to offer. I could not promise that it would be better, because I genuinely had no idea.

Marcus leaned against the wall, "You may proceed," he ordered Fergus, "I brought a few things you might find of use," he handed over a black doctor's bag.

Fergus and Rosalie opened it and all but squealed like small children at Christmas.

"You designed syringes that will work on Edward?" Rosalie all but beamed - which she usually only did when being spiteful or killing something -or thinking about killing something.

I did not have to be a mind reader to appreciate that my sister planned on turning me into an immortal pin cushion. Eight syringes of blood and venom later, I would have liked to call her a blood-sucking-in-more-ways-than-one-leech, but all the tests she and Fergus planned on performing made sense. I used my gift to monitor the other room to see them take Bella's blood pressure, which was too low, and her temperature, which thankfully had returned to normal. With a resounding bang from the other room, Arria slammed down a shield so that I could not hear a word of Father's consultation next door. Which was totally unfair.

Despite my best wheedling, even Grace refused to help saying, "Sweet girl need talk time. Arria says so." Now my minion was rebelling and taking Arria's side? I was in Hell.

Marcus had brought with him from Italy IVs that could pierce vampire flesh. I did not want to know how they had been used before, I mentally shuddered. Rosalie gave me an IV with painkiller and two different antibiotics.

Fergus venomously needled, "Who stitched you up laddie, a horse doctor?"

Actually, that was the case. And Emmett barked, "Hey!" from the other room.

"My brother Emmett did the work on the battlefield."

"Hmm. Good for him. Totally shows." Fergus harrumphed and needled me for real this time. He closed the part of the wound that had torn open. I thanked providence Arria had kept my blood scentless or Bella would have been ill, and we couldn't have her sicker than she already was just because my flesh refused to cooperate and heal. Fergus bandaged my shoulder and aided me in dressing in one of those horrid hospital gowns to cover my scars. When did hospitals become so chilly? It felt like a meat locker.

When Father opened the door, I saw Bella sitting on the examining table, feet swinging, facing away from me. "Edward, your temperature is still elevated. Please come here, son."

A similarly hospital-gowned Bella blinked at me, peeking momentarily over her shoulder before returning to staring out the window at the view of the parking lot. Slowly, I walked into the examining room and stood by my dear little algae lover. I took my coat that she'd been wearing from the chair near her and draped it over her shoulders. Moving like that made the room spin. Darn Rosalie and her greed for my blood, now I was actually light-headed. Vampires didn't drink orange juice. Well, they did, but it didn't digest. Noting my pallor, Father gave me a bit of algae to chew surreptitiously.

One of Father's I mean _my_ minions walked in and handed him some test results. She looked like she could use another case of chocolate. A little bit of honest bribery never hurt me. I asked Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward to see to the matter. Starched Shirt Edward adored buying gifts for people.

"We're going to hospitalize both of you," Father said.

"What?" Bella and I exclaimed at the same time.

"Do not argue." Father sounded awfully firm.

At just over a hundred years old, I did not need to be ordered around like a teenager. This ploy was no longer useful. Most definitely, I'd have to reassess my strategies with Jugurtha, who opened his schedule and said, "You're booked right now."

"With _what_?"

"Son, I need to look at that shoulder again." Father lightly touched my chest and pain slammed into me with spiked boots, dragging its heels, and stomping a time or nine.

The floor rushed like a long lost lover to embrace my face. I collapsed in a heap at Bella's quiet feet. Even her socks smelled divine.

Emmett laughing accompanied by the mutter of low voices jesting in Oscan was the first thing I heard. I awoke in a hospital bed, with Jasper sitting at a small table to the right facing Emmett. They were playing poker and Emmett was currently winning. We were surrounded by a fascinated audience of legionnaires – absorbed in learning the rules and stratagems of poker, of course. Seth had joined in on the game as had an exhausted-appearing John Quill.

Using the wolf link I noticed that from John's perspective I seemed awfully flushed.

I closed my eyes to think, listening to the cacophony of the thousands of minds around me. This was all kinds of uncomfortable. Speaking of which, I needed to give Bella time to adjust to our new reality. Surely ten hours would do?

My family could not know of our quarrel. Seeing as her being changed was a foregone conclusion and worse, that the choice had been ripped from my hands only made me more determined to use the situation to my, I mean our benefit. Great Caesar's ghost! It wasn't anyone's business what had transpired between Bella and me. And I was going to have to insist, regretfully, to Father after scanning Bella's medical test results – once he let me have them - that her heart was not strong enough to endure a change. And it was a good thing they banned jewelry in the hospitals. We'd make excuses for Bella's medallion to be worn, but no one expected her to wear her engagement ring or the locket of my Mother's that I had given her. Speaking of which, where were they? The heart monitor started chirping as my traitor organ –not that organ – started increasing. I could hear Bella's monitor in the next room rising as well.

Jugurtha said, "Rosalie was transformed at a time of deep terror. Look how hard it has been for her to adjust. We cannot do the same to our dear little one." That was most definitely an airtight argument. Even better, totally accurate. "And you need to calm down. The jewelry is safe back in your box at the house." Emmett injected something into my IV while calling for Father. Honestly, I do not remember the next ten hours. Apparently, I fell unconscious again.

An ice cold touch on my hand startled me into consciousness. I woke up to find myself surrounded by my family, Marcus, Vivinna, Arria, and Skeevy-of-the-arctic-cold-hands. This did not look good. They wore identical expressions of gloom.

"Edward," Father stepped into view, "your fever has reduced and your wound appears to be knitting at a human rate." We all could hear my uneven heartbeat.

"How is Bella?"

Father handed me a sheaf of papers, her most recent test results. I scanned them, flipped through the pages, and devoured the information, not bothering to mask my frown. This was bad. This was very bad. And gracious mercy, my shoulder smarted with every passage of a page.

"Edward, Bella's heart is clearly damaged, as are her lungs, but I have hopes that she can heal with medication and time. We questioned her guards and could find no evidence that she has been suffering from anorexia or bulimia. And she does not have any kind of parasite to explain her weight loss."

"I know what it is," a voice softly called.

We all turned to Vivinna. She shifted uncomfortably, but squared her slight shoulders. "This I have seen once before."

She was not a trained medical doctor. I could not for the life of me understand what the woman was blathering about. Then again, I never really had from the get-go.

"Could you please explain, Vivinna?" Father asked. "Whom did you see who suffered similar symptoms?"

"Me."

Marcus recounted, "I was turned along with our first four sons. Vivinna was with child. To keep her and our other children safe, they kept me isolated from my wife, although I could see her from a distance. The one time I stepped close, well, I tried to eat her. . . Sorry, my love." She waved her arm at him as if it were water under the bridge with a small smile. "I'm afraid I was a miserable example of an out-of-control slobbering newborn."

"As Cale grew within me, I sickened," Vivinna explained. What did this have to do with Bella? I most definitely knew _she_ was not pregnant. "I needed Marcus. I could not eat enough food. And I grew weak. I ate more, to no avail. My stomach hurt all the time, and I had . . ." she appeared mortified," . . .fits of weeping and rage that made no sense. It pained me to breathe. When my brother took me into hiding, it became far worse."

"My wife is not known for crying," Marcus said. "Even during childbirth." That made sense. The only tears I could imagine this woman weeping were from joy at decimating an enemy legion or five on a battlefield.

Father asked, "How did the situation resolve itself?"

"I died."

"Beg pardon?" I stuttered.

"They had to cut Cale out of me, and my father bit me. It is the mate bond that caused the damage."

"She seemed healthy when I met her first. Then she had asthma. . .and pneumonia . . .and she cried often. Bella said to me that she never cried. And she seemed to eat more than usual." I recounted her list of symptoms wanting to hit myself.

Father said, "We also cannot discount the impact of the necklace. It is probably what is keeping her alive at present."

"That makes sense," Rosalie mused, "I remember the first time I saw Emmett and how powerful that felt. Bella's mortal system is not strong enough to handle the process. And since it did not happen at a vampire pace, that's why we were all so confused about the two of them."

Emmett noted, "We all suspected they had bonded – but weren't one hundred percent sure. Bella became glued to his side and Edward actually spoke a time or two, and became completely irrational if he thought she was threatened. That was the only explanation that made sense. But they did not act like traditional vampire mates."

It would have been lovely had they shared that teensy bit of information while I had been panicking, scheming, and essentially going insane trying to understand and research my odd behavior. Thank you very much.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Stop blaming them because you failed to adequately read their minds and monitor them." The Gorgon speaking drew me back into the present.

"Yes," Vivinna said, "but the process between Marcus and me literally took my life. I only lived three months apart from him, and every second . . . hurt. She has lasted longer, how I know not." She had this stillness about her that captured my regard. Any other person might have said she was frightened. I knew better. That woman had no feelings. Well, not many that she'd admit.

Marcus said, "And their bond has been damaged because of the separation. They cannot be kept apart." He left off the "or she'll die," part.

The idea of Bella suffering because of mating? Not that kind of mating. The vampire kind. I mean the vampire mate bond forming kind of mating. Well that was unacceptable. No disrespect intended toward my lovely little bottle cap, but Vivinna struck me as meaner, tougher, and most assuredly more willful. This did not bode well for my bride. If I had any say in the matter, I was definitely not going to be killing my dear little despondent one any time soon because she would not survive to become an immortal.

They all heard the heart monitor that was attached to me accelerate far beyond what was normal and my chest tightened in concern for her welfare. This was all my fault. Vivinna had survived three months! Bella had lived twice that. Which meant - I needed to see my Bella. I needed to touch her. I needed to grovel at her feet. I sat up, and my shoulder seized the opportunity to make its needs known and screamed in agony – I might have as well – Marcus might have gently slapped me once upside the head, and the lights went out. I had the most peculiar dream.

Bella sat in her medical gown, hunched forward as Father examined the sutures on her back, and re-dressed the wound. One would not have blamed me upon first glance for fearing she had become catatonic again. Her face wore absolutely nothing. No life. No happiness. No sadness. No grief. It was naked of all affect. And that frightened me more than battle.

Father removed the latex gloves and tossed them into the trash can. He walked around the examining table and said, "Bella, I know how much Edward means to you. I need your help."

Father stood facing her. He waited her out. After three minutes and two seconds she broke. "How?" she sounded completely befuddled. And heavily sedated.

"I'm going to tell you a story because I doubt Edward would tell it to you himself seeing as he is so shy. You grew up with the Quileutes and know their legends."

Bella's posture became ramrod. "Yes."

It did not take a genius to know Father stood on shaky ground. Her hands moved to play with her charm bracelet like they usually did when she was nervous. Except it was no longer on her wrist. Instead she had a barcoded plastic patient identification band. Bella dropped her hands into her lap.

"So I assume you know about the wolves."

"Yes."

"Bella, do you know about how wolves are when they are young?"

"I know– about the Quill family."

Father grimaced. "Then you know that they can become irrationally angry. And then they can phase and kill others accidentally."

"That is how Emily and Jennifer died, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"What does this have to do with Edward?"

"We used to live near here in 1940."

"I know, Ephraim left a journal." Father was learning first hand of her ability to stun the Cullen Man with a well placed phrase or five.

"He did?"

She answered in a dull voice, "Yes, that's how I knew who you were. He drew pictures."

Father fiddled with her IV bag, and administered another dose of medication, "I would love to see this. So you knew who and what we were all that time and said nothing?" He disposed of the syringe and returned to standing at her side.

"It was not my place. I did not want you to feel bad."

"Weren't you afraid?"

"No. Ephraim said you all were different. Good." She almost sounded like she was going to drift away to sleep.

Carlisle must have been using massive amounts of his gift on her. And that told me that his gift did not work through the mind. Interesting.

"Edward recently gained abilities in order to help the tribe. You could say he made a devil's bargain with a Quileute spirit when you were ill."

"Oh?"

"He's faster than other vampires, and stronger. And we're not quite sure the extent of his abilities because they are so new. We definitely know that he can cause rocks and trees to disintegrate when he becomes distressed." It was kind of Father to leave out that whole, "He made a roomful of humans disappear into vapor." Or "he bounced immortal bastards like basketballs to embarrass Caius." At that moment, I adored my vampire Father.

"Is that why all those trees disappeared that night Angela and I were chased . . .?" she gulped.

"From what Emmett and Jasper tell me, Edward blew up a significant portion of the park trying to reach you - he was so angry."

She gathered a lock of her hair in her hand and started twisting it. "I'm not sure what you want me to do or how I can help."

Surely he did not believe I would vaporize my bride in a snit of newborn angst? Seriously?

"I need you to know, for your safety, that Edward has a dual nature. Because of the burden of the gifts, he is now the equivalent of a newborn vampire and a newborn wolf. That makes him exceedingly dangerous, even by our standards, and that is why we always guarded you." This had to be a nightmare. I did not want her any more afraid of me than she already was. She knew she was my singer for goodness' sakes. That had to make things all kinds of awkward now knowing if we quarreled I could make things around her – or her - vanish. I was formally withdrawing the best vampire Father ever claim.

"I know I am his singer. If he wanted me dead, I would be." She sounded so bored, and kept swinging her legs. Father made an odd face. "What's wrong?" Bella asked.

"Bella, vampires cannot lose weight, yet Edward has. We heal almost immediately from most wounds, but the bite on his shoulder is infected and raw. He is emotional, and prone to fits of temper, and this is particularly true in regards to you and your safety. I need you to assist me and keep him calm."

"Why?"

"These powers, when he uses them, they do the same amount of damage to his brain that I would expect to see in a dying human who was involved in a head-on car collision. And that is why unlike us, Edward sleeps. He has to breathe when his heart beats; we do not. My son has migraines and seizures, and bleeds from the mouth, nose, and ears. Ordinary vampires do not. And most times when he wakes up, his heart stops, and physically . . ." Father broke off and looked away and rubbed his hand across his brow.

She whispered, "I remember."

"He has not complained for fear of upsetting us. And this is where the miracle that you are comes into play."

"I don't understand."

"I know you do not. You do not have children. It is hard to explain the torment of a parent at watching his beloved child suffer. Bella, you calm him. And you take away his pain."

"I what?"

"We have no rational explanation for it - and we have never seen anything like it in our history. When you touch Edward, Bella, you literally heal him. We tracked his progress on nights he was with you against nights he was not. There is no comparison. Likewise, his touch seems to heal you, as well."

"How?"

"He has saved your life several times. Some of which you know. Others you were not awake to appreciate. That night your heart stopped at your house, he brought you back to life by using his gifts."

"Wha—"

Father talked over her, and in all my years I'd never heard him interrupt a lady. He must be exhausted or extremely upset, despite that hiding-it-like-a-snake-charmer-demeanor, "Your Grandmother would use your spirit while you slept to send us messages, and one night Vivinna pushed her away and took over. Edward literally seized one of the most powerful immortals I have ever encountered and beat her out of you."

"I don't remember."

"Vivinna had been looking for her children for generations. She sensed the bond from your soul and leapt for you."

"Oh."

He continued as if she had not spoken, "Arria was watching using her gifts, and she did not realize it was her mother trying to speak through you, so she marked you with the family crest to protect you. Inadvertently, all those women put you through so much strain, your heart stopped. When you were scarred by Arria with the gyrfalcon marks, Edward was horrified."

"Why?"

"Because she marked you so that any immortal could see you from far distances – you – a mortal. And according to the Volturi laws that would have raised questions for your life as well as our family's if another immortal that followed their laws saw you."

"Oh." Bella was awfully chatty tonight as she studied her socked feet.

"Edward also used his gifts to let him take on your pain."

"He what?"

"Edward could not bear to see you suffer. He still can't. Two of the marks that Arria intended to be on you went to him instead. They are branded forevermore on his hands. Your marks can be removed. Edward does not have that choice. And considering he was already in pain from using his gifts in the first place, taking on your pain, caused him considerable discomfort."

"Is that why I stopped hurting that day?" She rubbed at her throat where her first scar had been placed.

"Yes."

"How often has he done things like this?" Her voice had a note to it I could not understand.

"My son did them constantly every chance he could. I do know that he has to be close to you for them to work. He genuinely believed he left you protected with the pack and Arria's coven. We all thought you were safe. It seems like everyone failed you."

"Arria told me you were trapped in Alaska, that's hardly your fault. I got by."

Father's gentle voice sliced like a lash with the bitter truth, "Bella, you flung yourself off a cliff to try and protect the tribe and your family from Jasper's first wife after she beat and stabbed you. I do not consider that 'getting by.' Because of our failures, you suffered immeasurably. Your Grandfather will ensure, as will every member of this family, that no one ever hurts you like that again. Marcus has over a hundred thousand troops in the area to keep you safe. Our family loves you, as does Edward. We will spend eternity trying to make it up to you. I need you to take your medication and work on healing. Can you please do that?"

"Why? They're only going to come after me again."

Father shook his head, "Bella, when you feel like sharing I would dearly love to know what happened while we were away." His voice became gruff, "I know losing the Clearwaters has devastated you. Time does heal some wounds, if you let it. If Sue and Harry were in this room, what do you think they would say?"

"I don't know."

"I think they would most likely lecture you as I am and encourage you to care about your life. Also, I do not think you have any way of understanding at present how powerful Marcus is. No one from any army will ever touch you again. He has officially claimed you as his kin. You are safe."

"Sure," she said.

"And in regards to Edward: Please be gentle with him."

"What do you mean?"

Father reached into a pocket of his lab coat, and held out a newspaper, a copy of the Houston Chronicle, for her to read. "He was in Texas and literally incinerated a large area of land. Scientists have no idea how to explain it and are blaming it on everything from global warming to a meteor. That anomaly happened at the precise moment you died. Given the symptoms that I've noticed of the two of you feeling each other's pain," he stared as she rubbed her shoulder, "I believe Edward saw and felt you die."

The front page had several pictures of my ire and a map of the region affected. Bella dropped her hand to the bed. She ran her fingers across the page smoothing it and scanned the article. "When he. . left, he really planned on dying?"

"I don't think he wanted to, but he realized that it was a possibility. Edward has always considered himself primarily to be the family's main line of defense because of his gift. Because he is so quiet, we never realized how deeply those sentiments took root. When a vampire marries, they bond differently than humans do. Usually, if one dies, the other follows or goes insane. Edward feared that Victoria would kill Alice, and therefore Jasper would perish as well. He decided that it would be better for him to risk his life than have the family suffer the loss of two members." Father shook his head. "And he could not bear for Jasper to be in a position where he had to kill his own wife. He had read Victoria's mind, and knew they were childhood sweethearts."

"May I ask a rude question?" At Father's silence she said, "How did Jasper not recognize his own wife?"

"Over fifty years ago, Jasper had found a mass grave and thought she had perished with his family, murdered by the coven he belonged to at the time." I loved how Father left out distressing things like, _"He killed all the men under his command in a fit of rage, dismembered them, burned them with extra oil."_ The soul of discretion, that one. "Three weeks later, Jasper met Alice and they fell in love. He sincerely believed he was free to marry. And with some of us, our human memories fade with time. Jasper has had trouble remembering parts of his mortal and immortal life."

"That's pretty sick. And Victoria was out of her tree crazy."

"Indeed." He handed her a dose of an anti-depressant as well as an anti-anxiety medication and watched to make sure she swallowed all the tablets.

"How is the pain?"

She reached for her usual dose of pain medication that he had in his palm. "Compared to him, I'm feeling kind of normal now."

Father smiled like he had found the Holy Grail. "There is nothing normal at all about you, my dear. You are simply beyond compare. And I thank God every day He saw fit to bring you into our lives."

Her fingers fiddled with the blankets and she appeared to be counting the threads in piece of stitchery hanging in a frame on the wall. I had remembered her fondness for embroidery and had asked Mother to decorate her room accordingly.

"Did Angela bring this piece?" Bella pointed at a small frame that held a heart made out of flowers.

"No, it's from Edward."

"I was thinking about buying it at the Yorkie festival, but I never told him. And I doubt Angela did either, since she doesn't really remember much about that night. How did he know?"

"That you will have to ask him, my dear. He was rather closed-mouthed about the whole thing. He has not really been up for talking lately, aside from asking how you are doing."

"Where is he?"

"In the next room."

"How bad is he?"

Father did not bother to hide his concern, "I sincerely do not know. I have never seen anything like this before."

"How long have you been a doctor?"

"Hundreds of years."

"Do vampires get sick?"

"Yes, although it is rare. But I have not seen any thing of this type. Nor has Marcus or Vivinna."

"How old are they?"

"Over two thousand years."

"Can vampires . . . die from being sick?"

"It is not ordinary, but yes, Bella, they can. Bella, do you remember when you were hospitalized with pneumonia?"

"A little."

"You had a very rare strain. Even the CDC in Atlanta was confounded. Edward spent hours conducting research and figured out which antibiotic would cure you. And he insisted that we send the information to the Clearwaters, and saved both Leah and Seth. My son was so worried we had to bring blood to him for him to drink. He refused to leave your side because you would weep if he left."

"Oh."

"And when he made his bargain with the Quileute spirit?"

"Yes?"

"He did so because you were so very ill, and the spirit told him that the powers might help cure you. My son accepted powers having no idea if they would harm him or not, in the hopes that you would be well. I have never seen him so much in love. It brings us such joy to see the two of you together."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Would you mind sleeping with him?"

She spluttered, "You realize just how sick that sounds, right?" For a moment, she actually sounded like her old self.

Father laughed. "I mean that in a purely innocent way, we merely plan on putting your hospital beds by one another and you would be chaperoned as you always were at our house. He also is unconscious and drugged. I doubt he'll disturb you."

"That would disturb my Dad."

"We'll have the beds separated during the day, and your Father will be told that you and Edward both have the same condition. We'll separate the beds with a privacy curtain. At night we'll push them together. No one will know."

Bella's voice regained that listless quality. "Yes. I will."

"We're going to move the two of you to a private suite that has a larger room."

The next thing I knew, we were in an unfamiliar room with two hospital beds that were pushed together. Bella lay in one and I in the other. She faced a bank of monitors keeping track of my vital signs.

I recall taking a biology class in college where we learned about spiders. The lecture had all been such dry abstract material, that it had not particularly interested me. It's not like vampires could live off of flies, so I had never really given the lesson much consideration after hearing the lecture. In that grand scheme of things, we were the immortal spiders, weaving our webs so complex the humans never saw them approaching until after we sank our teeth into their fragile throats.

The initial plan had been brilliant: to pretend to be in calf-eyed love with my singer to distract my scandalized family. Granted, it had required considerable effort on my behalf – such as speaking. In the end, I had both succeeded and failed beyond my wildest imaginations.

In Coleridge's _Rime of the Ancient Mariner_, a sailor killed an albatross, and the irate crew forced him to wear the symbol of his sin around his neck because he brought them bad luck. My plan so brilliantly devised morphed into that bird. Now, I wore it under my clothing like a hair shirt. Lurking like a hidden vice, I could not let anyone know what I had done.

"I think Mary Alice would be sympathetic," Jugurtha said.

"I have burdened her enough with my problems, and she risked much to keep her word at the expense of her relationship with Jasper. I cannot do that again."

"She is formidable," Jugurtha reminded me. "Did you see how she took on Arria?"

"If Arria so much as twitched in our dear sister's direction, Jasper would not be amused. The Gorgon's spawn might be older than Jasper, but given some of her recent decisions, I would put my wager on Jasper in a fight between the two," so said Jugurtha.

"Mary Alice has recently been reunited with Benedict and his family – you know – those cousins of ours who turned her and were locked up by the Volturi for five decades? She appears to be helping them adjust seeing as they're so jittery and all back at the house. Also, she needs to focus on recovering from whatever happened in Alaska that they are all keeping from us. I created this conundrum, so it is up to me to repair it. I have already asked too much of them all."

Our debated ended as I overheard Father say to Mother quietly that seeing as how Bella acted so calm around me, that we had only had a tiff that would soon be repaired. Clearly we loved each other. He saw the way she looked at me.

Bella watched as my fever rose, and bleary-eyed, studied the monitor like my temperature would reduce from the efforts of her irked gaze alone. After the first hour, she grumbled and reached over and put her hand right on . . .oh my dear sweet Lord in . . .ouch. . . my shoulder . . .and pressed. Now I see the resemblance to Genevieve; as both clearly had an unhealthy preoccupation for tormenting minding-our-own-business-not-so-innocent me. Grace floated outside the window and I heard it opening. Perchance, I might have let out a manly bellow of discomfort.

Emmett burst into the room from what Grace showed me, and found Bella in bed with Douglas, who gawped bug-eyed up at him. My brother pointed an accusing finger at Douglas and yelled, "What in the Hell is in bed with Bella? Get your furry little paws away from my baby sister! And what did you do to Edward?"

Emmett lunged for the quivering form of Douglas, who gave an indignant cheep and took flight into the air. He landed on my nose and clawed both of my eyelids in his hasty scramble to escape Emmett's supersonic wrath. I caught my brother's fist before it could land on my friend who took shelter in my hair. Grooming it apparently. Bella sat wide-eyed staring curiously at Emmett but made not a sound.

"Don't," I rasped.

"Geez, buddy. God knows what kinds of disease he's carrying and he scratched your face. You're bleeding, Edward. I'm going to have to give you shots for rabies. And we're now going to have to test you for the plague."

The family crowded into the room, accompanied by the bemused Telecles clan.

"Douglas is my friend," I gritted. My fever dropped half a degree. "And he doesn't smell diseased."

"Rosie!" Emmett wailed, "Honey, we need some new drugs. Edward's completely lost it. Now he's naming animals and snorting them, too."

That's when Bella decided she'd had enough. Ignoring that IV attached to her left wrist, she climbed over the metal rail onto my bed. Which was totally fine by me. And she covered my body with hers as if she was protecting me from Emmett, which was adorable.

"Father! Bella's lost it, too. I've got to test that thing for rabies. And the plague."

"His name really is Douglas, Emmett. He's my friend, too," she said calmly.

Emmett gaped at her, and raised his voice louder, "And we need to up her meds."

She sighed.

"No _way_. You're serious." Bella had managed to stun Emmett handily. Victim number three in her coup of the Cullen Men.

Dully, she nodded. Douglas chattered up at the family eager to overlook their poor greeting behaviors. He kept grooming my hair, which actually felt sort of nice.

Bella pointed, "I bet if you check the pocket of the coat Edward brought me in you'll find a packet of almonds." My coat sulked, hanging from a hook on the back of the door.

"For you?"

"No. For Douglas."

Jasper walked to the doorway, fumbled through the coat pockets and removed an incriminating packet of almonds.

"That's it. He's gone to the dogs. Our brother really has completely gone around the bend. Bella, vampires don't talk to animals. We _eat_ them. Well, some of them. Not _rodents_. And for Pete's sake, we don't _feed _them! Rosalie! Honey, Edward's really gone bonkers this time!"

Bella whispered, "He's not a rodent. He's a mammal."

Ignoring Emmett, Bella reached for some nearby gauze and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, and dabbed at my stinging face, which required me to close my eyes. It humbled me that she would do this, considering oh, the last two conversations we'd had. I could feel the flesh slowly knitting back together. When I opened my lids, I found her gravely watching, the bloody gauze held right by my face.

"It's not making me sick," she whispered and shook her head.

"The algae removes its scent."

"Oh."

"First he falls in love with a human, and now he's hanging out with the local rif-raf," Emmett mumbled.

Appearing outside my window in manta ray form, Grace made her presence known to the family and glared at Emmett, who held up both hands in submission and said, "Ok, Miss Grace. Fine. Perhaps Edward's taste has become more refined with time. My bad. You better do your best to keep him from getting sick, though. Bella, I'm not going to kill your furry friend Douglas. Now get some rest." He stomped across the room. "If that guy is hanging out here, then he'll have to be inoculated."

"Fine. But he lives." I croaked. Douglas was not all that happy with the idea, but when I explained just how his life would improve he consented, provided we offered the same service to his mate.

Emmett returned an hour later with an impressive battery of shots for Douglas, who glared askance at him from the top of my head.

"Look, I know I tried to kill you. Sorry. But if you're gonna stay in a sterile environment you gotta have shots. Eddie, tell him I'm not going to kill him."

Douglas crept cautiously towards Emmett at my gesture. He squeaked as Emmett dunked him into a pail of warm water that Rosalie carried into the room.

"You cannot drown my friend." My hand reached at vampire speed for the panicking Douglas.

"Relax Edward, we're just giving him a bath. He reeks, and we need to make sure he doesn't have any fleas on him. He could be carrying the plague." Douglas was highly offended by that comment. Not so much by Rosalie's shampooing skills. I wondered at whether they had slipped hallucinogens into my IV as I gawped at the sight of my sister towel drying a preening Douglas. He declined the use of a hair dryer with the majestic wave of a paw. And he consented to allowing Emmett to give him a manicure. Pedicure, too.

Emmett gave Douglas a "we will not be tearing the flesh of Edward or Bella," lecture. Followed by, "Every time you come here you will have a bath first." Douglas eagerly nodded.

The now clean Douglas leapt on my bride, and she lay beside me, and curled up with that damn -----. I mean my friend. She slept the entire night. As, alas, did I. Douglas was gone from my bed in the morning. The Lothario.

And from the thoughts of my family, I was never going to hear the end of this. Eternity was an awfully long time. Sometimes.

The next time I woke, Bella was sitting up in bed, and we were alone. It was mid-afternoon. She wore a peculiar expression on her face.

"What is it?" I mumbled. "Are you well?" What a moronic question. I wanted to smack myself upside the head and shoulders for it.

"Fine," she said.

She took a notepad from the bedside table and wrote with a pencil, "They don't know, do they?"

I blinked at her bewildered, and not a little drugged.

"Your family." She wrote. What? What about them? I could hear them around.

Like the imbecile I was, I continued to stare in confusion.

"Us." she managed to scrawl with a trembling hand. The penny dropped. She wrote on the pad to keep the others from over-hearing. Smart woman. My woman. My beloved woman.

Lightly, I wrote, "It is private. Not their business." Which was the absolute truth, and made her lips curve upward for a lovely two seconds. "They also believe that we are together." I wrote underneath. Well, I meant to write it. I only managed to get, "They also believe that…" on the page, because that's when the first vision struck.

Maria/Antigone, whatever her name was, reclined on a sofa, drinking from a human that she tossed aside like refuse to a corner of the room. It landed upon seven other drained corpses. She had atrocious table manners, as blood ran down her mouth and stained the gown she wore – appropriately the fabric was scarlet. And the shade, not a flattering color, but that was another matter entirely. I did not bother to disguise my disgust when she belched in Spanish, "Damn Northern Mexicans. Their blood is too spicy. Bring me an American next! Gods know I need something bland to tame my appetite. And clear out that pile. Their shit stinks."

"Señora," a terrified man entered the room, dressed in butler's garb, followed by newborns that lifted the corpses and hauled them away at vampire speed. One remained behind with a bucket of water and a brush to scrub at the floor. The quivering butler extended a silver platter that held a letter. She picked it up and read it quickly, dismissing him with a surly wave. No fool, he all but blitzed from the chamber. Judging by the décor of the room, Maria had an affinity for gilt-furniture. Her room looked straight out of a bordello from Portugal in the 1600s. Not that I had been in any. Every item of furniture had Spanish clawed feet. Figures.

Whatever was on that letter sent her into a rage. Maria began stalking across the room and shrieking in Spanish, "I'm going to ruin that worthless bastard. No one leaves me." She threw a chair literally destroying an adobe wall in the process, "No one ever leaves me and lives, Rafael."

The immortal child that I now knew to be Caius' son – the one Antigone had kidnapped and turned, entered the room, "What is bothering you sister?"

"Rafael has chosen to depart our coven. He never reported back from his last mission. And scouts found only ashes of his men."

"How do you know he lives?"

"The pyre was right by the grave of his family. Subtle he is not."

"Ah, so he found out we paid his relations a visit all those years ago?" He giggled. "Too bad, that was a crack squad he had with him. And we are low on soldiers."

"So it would seem. We failed to train all the human out of him. He appears to have rediscovered family honor. How boring."

Phoenix stood in the hallway lurking. She bade him entrance. "How can I be of service, madam?"

"You're my new general. Go out and raise an army." She snapped her fingers at the butler cowering in the hallway. "Ernesto! Fetch me the seer."

Two guards escorted a bald large-enough-to-be-a-Quileute man into the room. The port wine birthmark stood out against his tan left cheek. He remained standing silently watching her pace.

"Find me Jasper."

The man's eyes rolled back as he began scrying for my brother. "He lives."

"Silly! I know that, I want to know where."

The man moved as if controlled by a puppeteer and sat at a table covered with maps, some blood-splattered. He grabbed a piece of paper and began drawing. Mary Alice appeared as he sketched. He was not very good. He'd failed to capture her eyes. And she looked frightened, even weak. When the man awoke from his trance, Maria sniped, "What is this?"

"His mate."

"We have his human wife with us at another location. We turned her years ago. This is not his mate. She's been driving me insane looking for him, the stupid bitch."

"This is his mate. And he has found her. We must leave, enemies approach."

Maria snatched the crude drawing and folded it into quarters. She stuffed it into her gown. "Well, I think we should definitely give Rafael an extended honeymoon before we call upon him. It's only polite." The vision ended with the sight of her malevolent sneer as she gathered up the maps at vampire speed and tossed them to a servant. And I heard the scream of her next snack. She did, after all, require one for the road. A woman had to keep up her dainty strength.

The second vision dug into my brain with the delicacy of a morning star. We moved back to Forks to Ephraim Black's tiny house, and the sight of Ephraim's wife, Evelyn, calling him to dinner. He sat on a sofa writing in a leather-bound volume. Every now and again he would peer at an open book to his left.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

He closed the book he had been consulting. It was _The Last of the Mohicans_. Ephraim continued working on his writing.

"Writing a note to the Cullens."

Reasonably, she said, "Why not send a letter?"

"I am."

She fiddled with her apron strings, "Ephraim Black, you're writing in a book. That's more than a letter."

"He's going to need it."

"Are you dreaming again?" She called over her back as she set the table.

Ephraim's eyes followed her sadly. "I am." He stared at the cradle across the room that held a sleeping child. He wrote faster.

His wife entered the room carrying a stack of papers she placed on the end table at his side.

"I did not want to risk spilling something on these six pictures. Who is this?" She pointed to one.

Ephraim lifted a drawing of Bella. She was wearing the clothing from that horrible day. Ephraim's keen eye had managed to capture her devastated expression. Immediately behind her, he'd drawn Victoria. Bella's body sagged, but the viewer could not see why. Because of the way Ephraim had drawn the picture, they did not know that Victoria stood behind Bella and carved into her back with that beatific smile. To the untrained, it merely looked like someone taunted Bella.

"That's the woman who is going to save our tribe." His large fingers touched Bella's face.

"Do you know her name?"

"No, I don't. I just know that Edward one day will. And that he has to see this picture."

"Why?"

"My dreams tell me that he has to stop this from happening." He added one last stroke to the cheerful smile on Victoria's face, shading in her dimples. Ephraim placed the drawing inside the volume and closed it with a snap that sounded to my flabbergasted mind, like the clanging of a prison door. The vision ended.

That was odd, everything was shaking, but I could not feel the Earth tremble. The glass rattled but did not shatter. And I stared at a notepad of paper in my lap that was soaked with my blood, completely obscuring the writing that had been on it. I could feel blood from my ears and mouth and my stars, the pain in the center of my eyes was impressive.

Bella stared at me, wiping at my face with a corner of her gown. "Shh, it's going to be fine." She was wearing blood all over her gown, and I started patting her methodically, checking her for injuries, incapable of articulate speech, moaning instead.

"It's not mine. It's yours," Bella said.

Marcus and Father burst into the room as Bella drew me into her arms. Her medallion blinded me as the rest of the family crowded the room, locking the door. Thank God the blinds were shut. I felt like I was going to have a seizure. And my. I believe I did.

"Come on sleeping beauty, rise and shine. Don't make me have to kiss you," Emmett threatened in a gruff voice. He added in a noisy wet kiss for good measure. And my stars, how that threat brought me to lucid cold consciousness. Bella slept restlessly beside me.

Emmett lifted me from the bed and said, "She's stable. I'm getting used to this whole feeding on a schedule routine. It's time for your snack. And no, you can't have Bella." He handed me a flagon of sludge, I mean algae. And five blood bags later, he held me as I scoured my mouth with the one hand that cooperated. And Rosalie was kind enough to hand me one of those breath strips as they hauled me back to bed.

"I believe I experienced another vision."

"Boy, did you ever."

"I'm sorry?"

"Every immortal in the fifty mile area had it, too. Even the wolves. You even managed to catch the European wolves off guard – the ones in Marcus' army. And that Russian wolf Sergei?"

"Yeah?"

"Smashed an SUV he got so mad when the vision hit the picture of Bella with Victoria um Annie um…" Naming that demented shrew even in death proved awkward.

"Oh. Jasper must be furious."

"Jasper is way beyond furious to an entirely new plane of scariness."

"What do you mean?"

"Jasper has gone freaky quiet. He's been closeted with Marcus for the past twelve hours. Even Marcus is having a hard time getting him to talk. Jasper insists he's thinking, and that something isn't right. Aro keeps prodding him in the forehead from time to time with an index finger to make sure Jasper hasn't completely lost it. He's even got Aro so nervous that he actually asks permission before doing that whole mind-sucking impersonation of a Hoover vacuum cleaner thing he does. Jasper slapped his hand away the first time he tried it without asking."

Emmett flashed a few thoughts that showed Jasper in his "I'm thinking," mode. Now I completely understood his distress. And no one batted away Aro the mental memory groper's hands and lived. Except Jasper. The family watched disturbed as Jasper texted a number I did not recognize, "Thinking of you fondly," It wasn't going to the Denalis, who were busy rebuilding their home with assistance from Peter and Charlotte and the newborns. Emmett had insisted on sending out several crews of soldiers to assist. Poor men.

"Hey, buddy. We have it handled. Get some rest." He deposited me like a sack of rice back into bed. I tried not to wake Bella. "Don't worry. She's drugged to the gills. You scared the crap out of all of us, Edward. She was the only one who stayed calm beside Father and Marcus.

"But Ephraim."

"Bella gave us the key to the safe deposit box. She hid the journal in San Francisco. Marcus sent men for it and they jumped to and back in ten minutes. It's right there." He pointed to the volume. It had several pictures stuffed in its leaves. I turned the page open and found scribblings that made no sense and actually blurred and twirled before my weary eyes.

Emmett leaned over and sighed, "Jasper said Ephraim wrote it in code. We're working on it."

"How did Bella read it if it's in code?"

"Good question. She's gotten awfully tight-lipped about it. Says you have to be the one to read it and she's sorry."

I flipped to the first loose leaf picture after staring gobsmacked at Ephraim's renditions of me, Father, Mother, Emmett, and Rosalie. He'd made me look so noble, the sly bastard.

Reverently, Emmett's large palm stroked the paper that contained the sketch of his mate, "He was amazing. I love the drawing of Rose. And buddy, you have to promise you're going to stay calm if you turn that page. I can't have you hurting Bella."

I nodded. And flipped the paper. And saw the drawing from the vision. My hands shook so hard, Emmett had to help me steady the book. To his credit, Emmett knew there really was nothing he could say.

Emmett shook his head, "Poor girl. Jasper is beside himself after seeing that."

"Bella first saw this when she was _seven_." I clutched at my heart. Rosalie and Fergus rushed into the room and one of them injected enough sedation to flatten a herd of pachyderms.

"Aw, jeez."

"She . . . knew this was going to happen."

"Yep."

"She never said a word."

"She still isn't. Consistent, that one."

I flipped to the next picture. It was of the leader of the killers from that night in the orchard leering, his face halfway obscured. Bella wouldn't have recognized him from the drawing, but I certainly did – and the tattoo sketched to the side. The next loose picture was a detailed one of my Mother's locket lying next to Bella's pendant. My traitorous mind, of course, took me on a stroll down uncomfortable memory lane back to the day I gave Bella the locket, to the wondrous look upon her face as she accepted it. Then there was one of Hezekiah standing in his grotto leaning on his staff and laughing. The last one was the kicker, though. It showed an origami figure of a swan balanced on top of a vampire blade. The swan was blood splattered.

Emmett said, "Arria said Harry's body had a swan like that left with it."

The sixth drawing was missing and that scared the faith right back into the devoutly atheist me.

"What are you up to?" I pled to her sleeping face.

Mary Alice entered the room and dejectedly sat by my side. "Sleep, Edward. I'll guard you both." She leaned over and held my hand and gave it a brief squeeze.

Rolling, I fought off the sedatives and clutched Bella against me like a cross before one of those fake vampires.

The next two days, I am sorry to say, I do not recall much of, seeing as my fever decided to be a pest, and rise high enough to make my sister Mary Alice insist that Lars Cartharnai come and pay a visit, seeing as judiciously overdosing me on antibiotics and Tylenol did not appear to be helping. I shuddered to think of what state I'd be in if I didn't have my dear little sleeping one at my side. Hezekiah did not do me the courtesy of paying me a visit during any of the bizarre dreams I experienced, nor did any of the other suddenly silent-as-the-grave committee.

Feedings kind of blurred into this routine of someone lifting me from the bed and dragging me to the bathroom. I even remember Mother brushing my teeth for me a time or five as Father held me before the sink and ordered me to spit. The next thing I knew, I was awake with Bella in bed beside me, pale, but composed. Various members of the Telecles clan and my coven stood in still life poses.

At vampire pitch, I requested if I could have some privacy with my mate and the room cleared. I put a shield firmly in place as I heard Father give me a time limit before he entered the room. Parents.

As much as I loathed admitting weakness, I had a migraine, and simple cogitation at present proved challenging. Simply constructing the barrier made everything spin for a moment or two before righting itself. "Bella, I need your help with the journal. It's written in code."

"Yes, but it's not a hard one."

"I forgot, you study codes."

"Liam. . .,"she paused, "he liked breaking them for a hobby. He and Jericho used to try to stump each other all the time."

"Why don't you read it to me? I'm afraid my head hurts." I sounded pathetic.

"No. Sorry." She didn't even give that a second thought. Cruel wench. My cruel wench. But still.

"Excuse me?"

"The man who gave this to me said that I had to give it to the immortal with the heart problem and that he would know how to read it. If I read it to you, then I'm not following my promise." And with that, she turned her back to me, and proceeded to snore. Adorably. Women! I mentally whined as I clutched at mine.

I sent out a mental plea to Father to find an edition of_ The Last of the Mohicans_ that had been around in 1940. Then I remembered the stack of books in the trunk at the farm in Liam's den-of-death-by-slime-and-algae that Bella had asked me to help her retrieve. She had claimed at the time that they were her family history. Understandably, I had been distracted by the vampire blade that we had discovered that day. I sent Arria after the trunk, who in turn, ordered Decimus to do the dirty work. He carried the entire trunk into the room and left it at the foot of our beds. Arria opened it, returned with the volume, placed it on the table, and proceeded to stare at her sleeping daughter. Arria sat for four hours without saying a word.

Jasper entered the room and reached for the journal and the novel, and left to rejoin Marcus. Bella slept throughout. I dozed intermittently. Focusing on Jasper's brain to check his progress in deciphering the code, although an excellent idea, proved beyond my abilities. So I fell into the arms of my beloved.

"We were supposed to do that," I sniped at Jugurtha as we struggled to come awake.

"No, we weren't," he said.

"How do you figure? We clearly have a heart problem."

"So does he. Hello, first wife alive when he mated with Mary Alice?"

"True. But we are sneaky. We should be able to break that code."

"We have a fever and it is impairing our ability to function along with the pain we are in from the bite and our migraine. We can let Jasper be a hero, just this once. A victory would do wonders for his morale. He sacrificed fighting by Marcus' side - a dream of his - to protect your flank. You owe him." He flipped through my schedule. "And you are too busy scheming and recovering to lend a hand." Right. That.

Bella squirmed in her sleep and scooted closer to me. I suppose I could accept quality-mate-pressed-against-the-flesh-time in exchange for allowing him to do that task. I cracked an eye at her, wondering what on Earth had possessed this woman to sit on a secret like _that _for all those years. That was just not normal by any stretch of the imagination. And my eyes stung, my chest constricted at the idea of how scared-to-the-depths-of-her-soul she must have felt when I walked away from her that day spitting spite galore. Ever so helpfully, my conscience retrieved the memory of her standing there defiant, with her chin up staring at me scornfully, saying she pitied the people I loved. She had good reason for every word she had said. I could hardly wrap my mind around the I idea that she had uttered those things knowing what was going to happen. My life was a graveyard of living regrets.

Before I shattered the hospital with exploding glass, I let Jugurtha talk me through a few deep breathing exercises. Starched Shirt Edward, while weeping, uttered a few Glory Be's, and said the Our Father stressing that, "thy will be done," line a time or forty. I felt like the fiend that had latched on to Paula lapping from her soul as I cradled Bella in my arms allowing her scent and presence to soothe me. All the minds around me I kept at a buzz, blocking them. Time passed.

"Edward." Jasper tapped my foot to regain my attention. No fool he, Jasper carefully walked to my side of the bed saying out of Bella's striking distance. He handed me the newly translated volume once he was done. He placed the original journal and the copy of _The Last of the Mohicans_ within reach on the bedside table.

"When did you pick up Quileute?"

"Paula taught me. Emmett and Rosalie have been practicing along with Mary Alice and Mother. Father has been fluent in it for years." That part I did not know. Jasper had a better accent than most of the tribe.

"What does it say?"

"I think you should read it for yourself." Jasper left the room, blocking his thoughts. Rosalie sailed into the room to check on my medication, bantering with Mary Alice all the while. She sweetly smiled as she grabbed a vial of something and put it into my IV. I was past caring.

Jasper's immaculate penmanship would have made a schoolmarm weep. With an economy of prose, Ephraim told the story of the tribe, how they came to be shapeshifters. He wrote of how his family had always been the servant to the chief, second in command for generations, and how all that had changed due to Gregory Clearwater's sour temper. Ephraim wrote of his election to chief, of his reluctance to accept the position, and of how Hezekiah told him that his dreams would tell him what to do. There was a legend or two in there as well. Nothing I did not already know, which was maddening.

Ephraim wrote about our family's arrival, of how we befriended him that day in the forest all those years ago. He explained about our treaty – although not the reasons pertaining to the Volturi - and the bitter internecine squabbling that ensued as a result of it. He framed the agreement more as supernatural enemies agreeing to live in peace out of pragmatics and stumbling into a working friendship of sorts along the way. Ephraim credited us with saving the lives of his wife and children during her pregnancy. He worried if the wolves weren't turning because of us, what threat could have activated the gene. Little did he know, the threat came from within, not without, thanks to the sneering face of the murderer times four Gregory Clearwater.

Ephraim was generous in describing us, forgiving our faults, flattering our talents, while still remaining a bit mysterious about them. He never said I could read minds; just that one of us had the ability. Beyond skulking in a room, I had not interacted with him much during that time, seeing as I hadn't interacted much with anyone, but for some odd reason, I fascinated him. He wrote that he dreamed of me. That he dreamed of my family, too.

"_Our tribe is poor in funds, but rich in history. And we have guarded the Peninsula for generations from evil. My dreams tell me that evil will return, my good friend. It will devastate the tribe, which is why I require your assistance. I need you to teach them how to fight. I need you to teach them how to survive. I need you to help the tribe not make the mistakes it did with John and his family. My dreams tell me I do not have much time left. So I must beg of you to care for my family, and in return, I promise I will do my best to care for yours in my own way. The girl is the key. Don't ever let her go. Protect her with your life."_

I gulped back a mouthful of venom and remorse.

"_To thee do we cry poor banished children of Eve,"_ resounded once again in the confines of my writhing still-entirely-too-small voice.

"_Don't be late,"_ Genevieve's shrill tones grated.

"_Coward!"_ Bella's voice needled.

Ephraim had dreamt of her, after all. That had to count for something. I still had work to do, especially seeing as I had failed to stop his prophecy.

I swore to the God and prophets that had abandoned me all those years ago, that I would try to be a better person, if only they would help me find a way to ease her suffering, to soothe her frights, to be worthy of her regard.

That meant more dissembling, deception, and deviousness. But in the name of our love, I would make any sacrifice. She deserved more than merely me. So much more. We had mated, partially, and I selfishly refused to stand aside and let any other break that bond. She was mine. Now I only had to convince Bella that I was meritorious enough to be hers.

"Patience. She cannot handle stress." Jugurtha advised. Good point, that.

Father entered the room and took the book from the table, neutral expression fixed in place like drying cement. He flipped through it in seconds, stopping with each drawing. When he came to the sketch of the necklaces, he smiled. That look vanished when he saw the picture of Victoria and Bella. Marcus examined the tome next. They both took seats in the room. Everyone else, save my snoring and sedated singer, cleared the area.

"I have known my Granddaughter only days. She reminds me of an arch."

I could think of all sorts of lovely creations to compare her to, the petals of an avalanche lily, the intricacy of a Rachmaninov concerto, the mystery of the Mona Lisa. Architecture? Not so much.

Marcus peered into the trunk of books left at the foot of the hospital bed and said, "Ah," as he lifted a history book on Roman warfare. He flipped it until he found a drawing of the arch of Septimus Severus. "They used arches for everything from living quarters to aqueducts, to wasting manpower creating ones that stood alone to honor victories or victors. They're simple to look at, really, deceptively simple; because they alone bear the weight, while no one notices. Edward, welcome to the family, Bella inherited that attribute from my wife's side. And Vivinna has often been compared to her Father."

Magnificent.

"Does she, too, possess a penchant of scaring the Hell out of you?"

"Indeed. I think it is her second favorite pastime. I have learned over the centuries that nothing is so terrifying as my wife's imagination." He offered me a benevolent stare.

Only I could become enraptured with a woman who was quite possibly more stubborn and patient and lest we not forget most importantly – insane - than me.

God help me.

I was toast.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Edward and Bella sitting in a tree doing N-O-T-H-I-N-G, sexually speaking, of course. First comes nuts, then comes swearage, then comes Douglas offering an alternative to marriage. Kidding. On the Douglas part. accompanied by the Telecles clan. Carlisle hospitalizes them both. Vivinna posits a theory as to what is killing Bella: Edward. Everything in this story is, after all, his fault. Carlisle propositions Bella, tells her about Edward's um dual temper problem, and sticks them in bed side by side. Separate beds. Alas. Alack. Douglas sleeps with Bella, and is discovered **_**in flagrente directo**_** by the entire family. But Edward's got his back, and his nuts. And new love marks across his face. Carlisle explains that whole Jasper thinking his first was wife dead snafu to Bella. Edward has another whopper of a vision that has Jasper and the Telecles clan in an absolute snit. And that Maria. Crude wench. Ephraim's long lost journal is decoded by Jasper to surprises galore. Everything really is Edward's fault. See the ruins he's left behind? **

**Douglas would like you all to know for the record that in that bedroom scene, his nuts were nowhere near Bella's, which were **_**his**_** in the first place. The nuts that is. You know, Edward's. The ones he handed over to Douglas. Seriously. And Edward would most definitely like me to tell you that the only nuts that Bella will ever be handling will be his. **

**Please review. I could use a laugh or two. It'll drive me bonkers.**

**Research Notes:**

The history of hair shirts is hairy, indeed. Goat and camel hairy.

http://www (dot) newadvent (dot) org/cathen/07113b (dot) htm

The history of the Spanish clawed foot furniture amused me

http://antiques (dot) about (dot) com/od/furniture/a/SpanishFoot122909 (dot) htm

Squirrels might be cute to look at, but you really shouldn't touch the merchandise.

http://www (dot) laanimalservices (dot) com/wildlife_squirrels (dot) htm

Really. See?

http://vetmedicine (dot) about (dot) com/cs/zoonotic/a/zoonotic (dot) htm

To learn more about birthmarks:

http://www (dot) aad (dot) org/public/publications/pamphlets/common_vascular (dot) html

My friend Katinki says Rachmaninov is pretty darn intricate to play.

http://www (dot) biographybase (dot) com/biography/Rachmaninov_Sergei (dot) html

If you are ever in France, check out the mystery of Mona Lisa's Smile

http://www (dot) wisegeek (dot) com/what-is-the-mystery-behind-the-mona-lisa (dot) htm

And the arch in Roman history – loads of fun reading about it:

http://faculty (dot) mccfl (dot) edu/frithl/HUM2210/Rome/roman%20art%20and%20architecture (dot) htm

This is the arch of Septimus Severus

http://z (dot) about (dot) com/d/goitaly/1/0/5/0/-/-/rome_septimius_severus_1 (dot) jpg


	57. HOD pt 46 Devotion is Beautiful

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Six – Devotion is Beautiful**

**Title credit goes to Summerc79 for inspiring it in the first place. She told me of an idiom: **"C'est beau le dévouement". And it just spoke to me. Devotion is beautiful.

**I have a running satire going on the thread that starts here and keeps going. Douglas is interviewing the animals of the forest about Bella and Edward and getting their suggestions on romance tips. Um, don't drink anything while reading:**

http://www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=33&t=1210&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=2320

**http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/bicepscurlsDoulgasreadyforhisrematc (dot) jpg**

**Douglas**** would like you to know he's been pumping twigs in order to prepare for a rematch with Emmett.**

**And for the record, he did all he could to stop Edward from leaving:**

**http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/PeanutsElenaTanasescu (dot) jpg**

**You'll be meeting this character. He and Paula are like this *crosses index and third fingers* This is taken from the art of J.P. Targete**

http://targeteart (dot) com/MoreArt/gallery2/d/2066-5/demon (dot) jpg

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.****No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this.****But Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.

Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills.

Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for reading a draft of this chapter and offering me priceless feedback.

And thanks to the ladies on the thread at Twilighted, and the ones at Twitter for general hilarity and inspiration. Feel free to follow me at Bookishqua. I'll follow you back.

http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/sunriseoversunflowers (dot) jpg

**As ever, thanks so much for reading!**

**Shout outs to my muses! Thanks for the reviews, pm's, tweets, and general awesomeness. Thanks for sticking with me all this time: Forest Sentry Koneji, obsessedwithedwardandbella, Malachite Flames, Dawn Stimson, AliciaZA, Mutt N. Feathers, Lady Dragona, Gwen69, dellatwi, jmolly, writz, mzzmjj, Cindy Windy, Rosalie Smiled, Codelina, Fitten, PJ Austin, Disney Vampire, luv4edwardcullen, avidreader69, ori1, Viridis73, PurpleMadDragon, Angelbach, prettyflour, favludo, Twaddles, Robs_Muse, Rogue, MsLessa, JaJiTaXx, notmyself, schleprock, ellenah, Jenn9394, summerc79, fanficreader83, Merrisol, Rgwmnks, kickedbckntn, anniebme, TraceyJ, jenejes, pomme_de_terre, mav, elphabacy35, lost star, redsoxlove, cavriola, sariedee, June, dellatwi, Solenoidbelle, and Cullen Pearl.**

**Songs for this chapter:**

Behind Blue Eyes – by Limp Bizkithttp://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=5MSqF_rQ6Mw

It's Been Awhile – Staind -http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=K2NGe9mLAEc

The Reason – Hoobastank -http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=BLaXVI3ICp4&feature=channel

Hurt – Christina Aguilera http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=IHagPodxu5g

**Snarky Summary: Things you need to know from previous chapters that might aid you in this one are as follows. Vivinna and Marcus had pendants designed for the nannies/nurses of their human children. They were meant to protect the nanny and to act as a tracking device. When put to the test, the medallions failed on an epic level. Not a single one worked until it got put around the neck of Bella Swan. We know that it shines with a bright light from time to time. We also know that Bella has healed at abnormally fast rates in the past due to the effects of the necklace. So finding her in such a sorry state – still wearing the bright shining necklace? Not a good thing. Oh, and Edward also figured out that Bella is the Endless Source of Power. When he touches her…..and uses his powers things really get out of control. She's one hot momma. In the non-pregnant sense of the term.**

**Hezekiah told Edward that in order to keep his shaman powers, that the spirits would give him tests whenever they so desired. If he passed, then he would be permitted to use the powers. If he failed, well, he'd _have_ the powers but supernaturally speaking, would be impotent. But he'd look good and sparkle so being limp like no other. Call him (apologies to Limp Bizkit fans) Just sayin'. Paula, it appears, has taken up some rather peculiar culinary Cullenesque habits during Edward's absence. Now she's a bloodsucker in more ways than one - with a penchant for European werewolf blood of a recent vintage. And the fact that she - who is dwarfed by the European werewolves - has been hunting them down and killing them for months while grievously wounded should give you an idea of just how scary Paula is. Mean, too. Edward chose well when he selected her to be the Quileute shaman. Aside from that blood sucking business. But he'll try to help her with that. Or at least develop better taste. **

**So Edward had a bit of a challenge in convincing Bella that she did, indeed, really want to go to the hospital and be examined by a physician. And he does not mean to complain, but his shoulder now hurts thanks to his tussle with Bella – alas, not that kind of tussle. Pervert. And he's bleeding -from his bite – not _that_ kind of bite – although he can dream. He wouldn't mind biting her a time or nine, so he thinks it's totally fair if she wants to bite him. And his wound stinks, supernaturally speaking of course. So into the hospital Edward and Bella go, never to be seen again. The End. Ktnxbai.**

**Kidding. **

**Carlisle**** insists on hospitalizing-for-real both of them, much to Edward's surprise. How do you hospitalize a vampire, for crying out loud? And hide all those unusual medical records? From Carlisle's nosy nurses? Not to worry, Marcus has his back. Douglas drops in for a social call and sleeps with both Edward and Bella. Really. And he leaves, once again, with Edward's nuts. **

**Thanks to pawing Bella, Edward has a doozy of a vision, one he doesn't mind sharing with the nearest immortals in the neighborhood. Vision one is of the bitch Maria/Antigone/Cruella de Ville could only dream of being this mean, and Vision two is of Ephraim and his wife. It's the second vision that manages to scare the fecal matter he does not produce out of Edward. **

**And to say Jasper is having a snit over Edward's most recent visions is the understatement of the decade. Now, he's so pissed off, Aro is getting creeped out, and it takes a lot to creep out the creepy-in-all-the-wrong-ways Aro. Really. Our Little Southern Storm Cloud is about ready to whip out something dastardly. Vindictive. And appropriate. He's been duly inspired. He feels like this whole thing is all his fault. Really, he's wrong, It's _partly_ his fault for not being able to let his first wife down easy, particularly in being so insufferably hot that she was obsessed with him and willing to wait for his hawtness for over a century – turning down smoking vampire sex and preferring to stay chaste instead. I'm sorry, move over Edward, I want Jasper now. Just sayin'. **

**Speaking of the devil, our favorite anti-hero is constructing a platinum rule to guide his marriage with Bella. _No more truth telling ever._ I left the waving of wire hangers as depicted in that classic movie Mommie Dearest out of that scene. Edward likes the ring of that 'No more truth telling ever' slogan. He's planning a steady diet of deceit, deception, and dissembling in order to win back the uneven heart of his wheezy lady fair, and glue that engagement ring back on her finger where it belongs and collar her, I mean graciously offer her his late Mother's locket. Bella apparently has lips of titanium, that one. Keeping secrets galore. She makes the Vampsickle from the How Bout Dem Apples chapter look like a freaking gossip. And Vivinna has oh so helpfully only now decided to inform the family that the mate bond process is most likely what is eating at Bella. Seeing as it killed Vivinna. Quickly. No pressure. Marcus, Carlisle and Edward are discussing the perils of the Telecles women and their adorable traits. Even Marcus is smart enough to point the finger at the King of the Lost Covens for Vivinna's scarily ingenious ambitious ingenuities. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Six – Devotion is Beautiful**

Brown, an ordinary color surrounded me. I saw it in the ice-encrusted bark of the fir trees of the National Park, in the fistfuls of soil and the dark pelt it obscured when I buried an elk, in the grain of the planks that made up the slats of the shutters in this room. Brown like the strands of hair tinged with gold that fell across my hand as she slumbered restlessly beside me. Brown like the hearts of sunflowers that I had seen on my travels that now flashed before my eyes as they had nodded and bowed before Apollo's chariot. Brown like the rocks that peppered the rivers, polished to a glow by the water's unending caress.

Artists claimed the color brown represented wholesomeness and steadfastness. Humanity tended to take those qualities for granted. Certainly, I know I did, and I was not even a person. Not a real one, anyway. Brown like the color of dried blood baked in the blistering sun. Brown like the plain polished lid that had adorned Sue Clearwater's casket. Brown surrounded me, and yet somehow I had utterly failed to appreciate its significance.

And now I clutched at the fingers of my brown-eyed, brown-haired mate, my living arch, and viewed the wreckage of my hubris, as I studied the drawings done on paper that had faded to yellowish tan with age. Ephraim had told his wife in the vision I had recently experienced and shared with over a hundred thousand of my dearest supernatural friends that I had to see the journal in order to prevent the events depicted from happening. And like the perpetual bridesmaid, I had been too late, and out of Luck – an attribute that I had actually never possessed in the first place. Brown like the color of the hangman's noose as it tenderly slid over my head, constricted around my throat, and squeezed pitilessly.

My whole world had been reduced to a color. One I had failed to see with eyes sealed shut. On that day months ago when Mary Alice had left me a letter begging me not to leave Forks, she had drawn a picture of an almost unrecognizable haggard Bella – the image that she had predicted would occur. When comparing Mary Alice's drawing with the woman resting poorly by my side, the truly terrifying thing was that in my sister's vision, Bella appeared healthier.

They say the road to Hell was paved with intentions both noble and pure. I had left the trees of Forks months ago, hoping to spare my family the anguish of losing two cherished members, preferring instead to risk my own worthless hide rather than see my brother or sister perish. And my kindness had been the cruelest kiss I could have bestowed upon Bella. I had offered her the truth and a sneer on my way out of town. And my vitriolic words had turned her into a living curse.

Now, I saw before me the ravages of the immortal nature I so loathed as they feasted upon her selfless being. Never had I permitted myself to even contemplate the notion of having a true mate. Such love was not meant for murdering craven wretches like me. And yet here I was. Mated. Both dead and alive.

And the shell-shocked woman who lay supine beside me would never believe a word that slithered from my forked tongue. And never before had the truth been so important. Her life, both mortal and immortal, depended on it. So I had to find a way to wheedle my way back into her heart. For us. And there was no rule I was not willing to break, no person I was not willing to crush to save her. I was a wraith duly inspired as Fate wound her razor-like threads around the throat of my bride.

As I stared at our entwined fingers, I recalled a time or five how, before I had left her, when I would awaken at night briefly from a nightmare, only to find my dear little gracious one had squeezed my hand while she had slept. Somehow, even while unconscious, she had known of my distress. And I recalled how at the time such a simple gesture had awed me. Now I sat in the squalor of a living nightmare staring at her slack fingers crowned with broken nails, bitten to the quick, rhetorically wearing the sackcloth and ashes of a conversational beggar and smelling the perfume of the sedatives Father had liberally prescribed her.

Marcus leaned his elbows on his knees and offered cold comfort, "Edward, I can tell you one of many advantages of being mated to women of the Catharnai line."

World-wide familial genocide? People standing in line to murder you? Your wife? And your children? Worrying about your children murdering your _other_ children? Thank God Bella and I could never have progeny. With that toxic DNA running around they'd charm each other to death while stabbing each other without saying a damn word. And our daughter would do it while winning at chess.

I stared at him like a simpleton. Jasper had told me on more than one occasion that the very alive King of the Lost Covens, Larce Catharnai, had been even deadlier than Marcus. If his demon spawn, I mean daughter, took after _him_, and if my wife took after her. . . my head swum. Warily, I eyed the door wondering when he would storm it and attempt to cleave me in twain.

The words, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting," dripped like jewels from Marcus' lips, ones that sliced into the flesh with each strike. "Edward, by the grace of the gods you have created a miracle. Your spirit has bonded eternally to Bella's."

Alarmed, Father said, "Son, are you going to vomit again?"

He held out a pink plastic receptacle. Facing away from Bella, I clutched at it like the desperate mendicant that I was and inhaled deeply a time or nine trying to go to what Starched Shirt Edward called my _spiritually happy place_. But that did not help, because my spiritually happy place was a field of sunflowers with Bella standing in the middle of it, putting their hearts to shame with the color of her hair. And she kept losing weight in my visions of my spiritual happy place making it my not so spiritual happy haven.

"Take heart son," Marcus assured me, "You shall never suffer from boredom."

Why couldn't Fate have offered me an uninteresting woman to become ensorcelled by, rather than one I could not stop thinking about like a deranged stalker? One with dullard relations – oh – well _fine_ she possessed dullard and demented relations aplenty. But why couldn't Fate have given me ones that stayed out of my business? Ones that did not send me putrid prose or tattle on me to my blood relations that should be - with the grace of the Almighty that I preferred not to acknowledge, resting in peace.

Not that Chief Swan was even aware that his daughter and I had dated, been engaged, much less been _married_. He still thought Bella had been haphazardly romanced by that Emmett character. Chief Swan felt grateful for our absence because clearly that Emmett boy had made up his mind and was with Rosalie. Although, he still needed to check her age, because despite her height, Rosalie still appeared awfully young. Not that he wanted to judge Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen on their parenting skills. They were fine people who took wonderful care of his baby girl. His poor baby girl, Chief Swan sobbed as he stared at the sleeping restlessly Paula. Marcus had stationed "nurses" outside of her room who did a remarkable job of not sneering at the man. John Quill had insisted on a pack member or two being in the area at all times in case she phased and started craving someone else's blood, too. Word of her blood binge drinking had flashed through the revolted pack thanks to the guilty mind of her nephew, who surprised me by feeling even worse that he couldn't keep his thoughts to himself.

Speaking of morons, why did that insipid wailing Chief Swan insist on calling Bella his "baby girl?" Humans! She had aged well past the stage of infancy. In the great State of Washington, my dear little slumbering one was legally an adult. She could marry without his consent, vote in Presidential elections, and even join the military. Not that I would permit her to do that last one, and I was totally for her formally using the human legal system to commit the first in that list. Fine, compared to me in age, she was practically an infant. But still.

Large calloused fingers waved back and forth in front of my eyes, "Edward, focus, please," Marcus ordered. Staring at his palms like a hypnotized mouse watching a king cobra, I could see from the pattern of hardened skin on Marcus' hands combined with the scars, his years of working with a sword. Memories of fencing experience rushed to my mind as I beheld the evidence of a man I probably never wanted to face holding a sword in his left hand. Or his right. He could fight equally well with either, so said Jasper, echoed by the marks on Marcus hands. Ambidexterity in his time made him all the more fearsome a fighter. Perhaps that was why the Christians later decided that anyone who was left-handed stemmed from Satan?

Everyone save Bella, Father, Marcus and me had left the room. Marcus thought to me, _"Do you feel capable of constructing one of those sound barriers?"_

I nodded and made one. Eyes squeezed shut with effort, and with hands that literally shredded the pink plastic vomit receptacle and scattered it all over my bed and the floor, I tested the firmness of the barricade and confessed, "I can not predict how long it will last." Staring at the shards made me think of rose petals from the garden at school. Realizing the pieces were strewn about the bed like glass at a traffic accident reminded me of the damaged woman lying nearby. I tracked her vitals, sniffed at her blood, and wanted to weep.

Noting my concerned stare at my mate, Father said, "Edward she's heavily sedated. Bella will not hear a thing." Saying that in Oscan at vampire pitch and speed aided in assuring me of our privacy. "We need to ask you some questions, son," he grimaced, and then gave an awkward pause.

I read his mind.

Kill me now.

I chose the wiser path and uttered not so much as a syllable but met his gaze warily.

"Edward, when vampires mate, they form the bond quickly, although the time does vary. For some it is at first sight, like it happened with your siblings. For others, such as your Mother and me, it required more time to form. Esme was devastated and mourning the death of her infant son, David; and, like Bella, she suffered from depression."

This information caught me off guard.

Father's voice fell, "Edward, it took probably three to nine months for ours to form; but I would say it was not completed until two years had passed. I had brought her home because," he stared at the linoleum for a moment, "I missed female companionship, and I thought you might improve if you had another to keep you company. When Esme opened her eyes, I felt like someone had hit me across the forehead and forced me to see the sun for the first time. I can only say that my entire perspective on the world changed. I could not imagine life without her. Your Mother felt guilty being so happy when her child was dead. It took her time to come to accept that she lived still. Considering the circumstances of her passing, Esme felt guilty for loving me at first."

I had thought Mother took one look at Father and simply knew based on her newborn thoughts. Apparently, I had misunderstood, and I had been, ahem, otherwise occupied in Chicago during that time period. The memory of her battered body taunted me as I remembered Mother's change, and that she had leapt to her undeath.

Father and Mother were private people. Why would he be telling me these things? In front of Marcus?

"He does not share them lightly, which means you should attend to his words," Jugurtha noted.

Marcus interjected, "Edward, has anyone explained the process of mating to you?"

Flustered I said, "I went to human medical school. Twice." And ruined the effect by turning scarlet to the tips of my ears.

Father patted me on the forearm, "Son, we did not mean sexual reproduction. Marcus and I are referring to the formation of an immortal mate bond between two individuals." Oh. Right. That.

Stuttering, I babbled, "Do you not simply look at each other and instinctively know that you have found the other?"

Both of them said in cautious tones, "No," at the same time, wearing expressions ranging from mirth to pity. Magnificent. Not only was I a virgin. But I was also a stupid one. I should don a sign to wear around my neck that read, "Too Stupid To Mate in Two Separate Species," and join Mike Newton in the loser line of life.

Marcus began, "When a vampire mate bond is newborn, both immortals feel an undeniable attraction to the other. Yet it is a matter of free will. In order for the connection to form, both have to be open to it, and both have to give fully of their spirits to the other."

"That is why," Father explained, "That Jasper did not return his first wife's feelings when she arrived at our house. There is no such thing as one-way mate bonds. That is what made Annie-Victoria's plight all the more devastating. She searched, from what we have learned, most assiduously for her husband for generations, and in his absence hung onto the memories of the human love they shared. Once the bond is fully formed, it cannot be broken. Jasper could not have left Alice. It simply is not possible mentally or physiologically – even if the rational part of his mind had intended to honor his wedding vows to Annie-Victoria."

Marcus added apologetically, "I did not jest when I confessed to being a drooling newborn. The primitive thoughts that raged through me were not particularly useful ones to guide you. I only knew that once I awoke as an immortal, I had to be with Vivinna. It enraged me that other vampires refused and insisted that I would hurt her. I seriously feared they wanted her for themselves. The first time I did escape from them and made my way to her side, I did initially desire her blood. She smelled amazing, although her blood did not sing to me as Bella's does to you."

"Marcus, how did you not kill Vivinna?" Father asked.

"Her brother gave me a rather firm chat, followed by her Father," Marcus almost smiled.

Father asked, "So how did you realize you had mated with a human?"

"I could not stop thinking about her welfare, and I could not stay far away from her. I wanted to drink everyone else's blood more than hers of the humans that I did smell. It physically hurt to be outside of Vivinna's presence. We lived that way for a few months and then we were separated by Fate. Unlike you, I had the advantage that Vivinna and I had been married, and I already thought of her as my mate. So I never really gave it much thought beyond that. Until now."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I did not bother to question that I had formed a mate bond with her when I awoke. But although she loved me, it did not work that way for my wife. She did not return my feelings at the level that I felt them for her. Husbands and wives were always turned at the same time to prevent this very thing in my time. And most marriages were not made for love, so it was awkward if spouses when they awoke did not mate. Now you know why Caius and his wife are unhappy. They are not true mates although they love each other."

Starched Shirt Edward opined, "That would explain why you felt you could leave Bella and that our dear little peach's feelings for you were so much weaker. Gosh! You are not as much of an idiot as I had thought." He sounded amazed. Twerp.

"When did your mate bond become complete?" I asked Marcus.

"Shortly after she was turned." Marcus said, "I don't expect you to know now, because it's an almost liminal perception at first. It would help if you could recall when you first began to have strong feelings, aside from your appetite for her blood. In order for the two of you to form the bond, you both had to be in love, Edward."

That was all well and good, but it would not help me much to become all gooey-eyed thinking about the first time I had wanted to do something aside from drinking her dry, when she suffered so. I heard her wheeze as her asthma began to act up.

"She's so sick. What do we do?" I begged Father, a supplicant before a merciful deity.

"I agree with you, Edward. She seems to be holding everyone she loves at bay, including Seth and Leah, as well as our family, her Father, and you. I believe this is in response to the shock she's experienced."

Scandalized, terrified, and shamed, the words dribbled from me like poison, "Vivinna did not live long. I am _eradicating_ Bella without laying a hand on her."

"Son, you are not killing her. Broken heart syndrome is easily treatable ordinarily. She is a difficult case because her blood pressure is so low that we cannot give her the normal medication that is used to heal the heart."

"That's what I meant. It is the fault of my nature that she suffers so."

"Edward," Marcus sounded the very voice of reason, "because Vivinna did not survive long does not mean that Bella is fated to die in the same way. Times were so different back then."

"He's right," Father added, "Vivinna was with child, the top cause of women's death back then was from childbirth itself. The pregnancy was difficult, and that only compounded the problems she had. Painkiller in those days usually consisted of a leather strap they offered you to put in between your teeth. It goes without saying that her access to quality healthcare was limited. Bella's circumstances are entirely different and because her health and nutrition were most like far superior than what Vivinna experienced in her mortal life, she has lasted longer. With medication, time, and treatment she will improve."

"Marcus said the bond was broken. I left." I took her hand in my own and cradled it against my chest. I tried to block out the automatic thoughts of how much her hand had shrunk since I had left.

"The bond is damaged, yes. But I see no reason why it cannot be repaired." Marcus dangled hope before me. "You will have to stay by her side at all times. Somehow, I doubt you will find that a chore." If this was punishment, sign me up for prison now. I would happily do consecutive life sentences. As long as I could be in solitary confinement with her. I did not ask for much.

Father informed Marcus, "As we discussed earlier, Bella is not in any state to learn of this. When we left town months ago, she and Edward were at odds about her becoming immortal. As you have seen, she vomits at the scent of human blood. He feared she could never survive on blood or algae. When you announced in Italy that she would be turned, Bella appeared devastated."

The image from his mind of Bella's face unfurled before my shrinking mind. It played in super-slow-vampire motion just to torture me. Even on the day I had left her, she had been arguing for being changed. And now that it was being forced upon her, the idea that she did not want to be turned felt like someone had stabbed my spine with red-hot ice picks. My heart, too.

"I would never turn Bella against her will if that is your concern. She would be safer, obviously, in an immortal form."

"No. I misspoke. My apologies." Father bowed his head, the diplomat firmly in place. "At present, if we bit Bella, she would die because her heart could not withstand the strain of transforming. And the pendant that you originally designed for the caregivers of your human children has performed erratically on Bella. We have no way of guaranteeing that it will continue to function in the next hour, much less the next month. We have no choice but to turn her at some point because of the vampire mate bond."

"I will talk to her."

"Son, I don't think that now would be ideal. At present she's on suicide watch. I'm not going to restrain her because we will have someone in here at all times."

"I know," I glanced at her, watching the rise and fall of her bony chest embracing the squeezing sensation that erupted around my heart. I deserved to suffer. "I will wait until she is more stable." Whereas once I would have given anything to keep her human, now I had to plan my campaign to convince her to accept immortality.

"Have you learned how you are related to Alice?" I blurted. Why would this be important now? My mate's life was at stake. My tongue acted like a runaway freight train.

"You are running a fever, and they are not holding it against you," Starched Shirt Edward tried to soothe me.

Father said, "I have conducted initial tests that show they are related, but not as closely as Bella is to Marcus."

"So Alice is not your granddaughter?"

Father clarified, "I did not say that. She is of his line, just not of the same generational level as Bella."

"I've declared her my Granddaughter," Marcus shrugged. "No one will question it. Carlisle, it is my understanding that Bella has been lied to by people close to her on many an occasion." He managed to say that without scorn.

"She only recently discovered her . . ." Father paused tactfully before continuing, "The humans who believe themselves to be her Parents lied to her about a serious head injury she sustained as a child."

"Why?"

"They believed that she would have a better life growing up believing she lacked motor skills than knowing she had a serious brain injury that could never be cured."

"How did my daughter select such imbeciles?"

"You'll have to ask her. Chief Swan is a good man, although not the most intelligent human being I have encountered. He genuinely loves Bella. Renee Dwyer, the woman who bore her, is more difficult to read. Aside from delivering them into this world, I never had further contact with Genevieve or Liam, so you'll have to find out about them from your daughter."

"Fine, I won't have the Swan chap executed then," Marcus sighed. "Or that Dwyer woman. Who _else_ lied?"

This conversation, especially the blasé tone Marcus used, made me nervous. And I had to look out for my own neck - I mean our health and prosperity - so I told the absolute truth for maximum diversion purposes, of course. "Genevieve let Bella grow up believing that her biological Father, Liam, was her Great Uncle. I only just learned from Bella that she had discovered the deception and she is devastated. Matters were made worse because Genevieve was a medical doctor who allowed her granddaughter to remain untreated for her condition. And Bella knows this, too." I did not have to fake an ounce of that sanctimonious tone. And I dared Genevieve to try something now. Spiritually I stuck my tongue out at the sky. I might possibly have wagged it a time or two. And made what Emmett called a raspberry with pursed lips and spittle galore. In my mind.

"As much as I loathe suggesting it," Father sighed, "when you combine that with the stress of the attack, the deaths of the Clearwaters, and her poor physical health, Bella cannot mentally handle another shock at this time. Her heart is weak as are her lungs. I suggest we tell her about her physical symptoms and that we are treating her for them. We'll leave it to Rosalie to determine when Bella is strong enough to learn about the mate bond."

"She is my mate." I said, gulping, "With aid from Rosalie, I will make the decision. Right now, Bella is behaving irrationally and easily distressed." Well. That all was true. Jumping off cliffs to save entire tribes of shapeshifters, in my opinion, instead of turning her birds loose on her attackers _defined_ irrational behavior, considering she was mortal and all. Refusing to see a physician in such an injured state only solidified my case. And she addressed me in such impertinent tones. That could not be normal, either. If my presence represented the prescription that would soothe her ills, then that should be enough. So there.

Marcus reminded me, "Edward, I will not lie to Bella."

Sarcastic words stumbled from my fevered mouth before I could stop them, "What are the odds of her saying, 'Grandfather Marcus, did I accidentally form a supernatural bond with another immortal in the last year?'"

He laughed out loud.

Father thought that somehow I had managed to develop a keen sense of humor over the past seven decades.

"My apologies," I flushed, "but I cannot maintain the shield much longer." My head felt like a melon dropped off a wooden cart bouncing against the ground, and they took mercy on me when I accidentally winced.

"Sleep, Edward. We will stay here and guard you both," Marcus suggested.

Father walked into the waiting room, so showed Grace, and joined a dejected Mother. He took her hand, "What is it, dear?"

"Carlisle, I am so worried about our son. How could he even think that his death would not be as devastating as that of his siblings?"

"I wish I knew."

"He has never been rejected before. I do not know how this break up with Bella is going to affect him. He does not seem to understand she ended their engagement."

"They are mated, Esme, we simply have to give them time to heal one another, and let nature take its course." She laid her head against his shoulder.

"She looks so ill Carlisle. And I recognize the look in her eyes."

"What look?"

"She is wearing the face I wore the day I tried to take my life. She does not care if she lives or dies."

"Actually the fact that she was willing to sleep near Edward I take as a sign of hope. If she did not want to live, she would not bother to let him near. I told her that he could heal her and she him."

"Yes, but she also knows that he craves her blood, dear, and that he is not quite rational."

"You make a good point. I have her on a strong course of anti-depressants as well as medication for anxiety. And she is being guarded at all times."

"I pray for both their sakes that happens. I cannot lose another child. Not again. Not this way. If she dies, he will too, and I love her, Carlisle."

Rosalie had been sitting nearby listening the entire time. "She needs more than medication, Father."

"What do you mean?" Arria chose now to speak. "And my daughter is a fighter. She will improve," she said to Esme.

"Humans who have been traumatized do better if they have sessions with a trained therapist."

"What is that?" Arria hated to ask.

"Someone who has been educated in the workings of the human mind, who can help them recover." Rosalie extended an olive branch, "I have studied this. If you would like, I could loan you a few books on the subject."

Arria nodded regally, "That would be helpful. Thank you." Rosalie took out her phone and texted her husband.

I said to Jugurtha, "Please note this day in the family Bible. Arria expressed gratitude without having to kill anyone. And worse, she sounded like she meant it. And Rosalie offering to help her must be the fourth sign of the apocalypse."

On that mournful note, my feed from Grace ended and I plummeted into the dank hole that sleep afforded. Despite searching high and low for Hezekiah and the rest of the committee, no one from my hiding committee of geezers and geezerettes saw fit to harass me verbally or otherwise during my sleep. I kept trying to wake up, because my mate needed me, but it felt like I had two of those Sumo wrestlers – immortal ones – from Japan standing on each lid.

My first dream began in Chief Swan's house as he and his daughter entered the front door. Bella appeared heavier in her appearance, so it must have been shortly after we had left town. Both wore somber attire and Chief Swan's eyes were swollen. It would have been a compliment to say that Bella moved like an automaton. And she wore that moth-eaten navy coat I loathed. It hung on her like a sagging scarecrow.

His back to her, Charlie removed his suit coat and draped it across the recliner. "Get changed." He said that in a soft voice and swallowed and wiped at his eyes with a shirt sleeve, and began to loosen his tie.

She stopped on the staircase, but said nothing.

"We're going fishing now that the wake is over," Chief Swan announced. "Harry would have wanted us to. Seth, Leah and Sue are going to come. And we're going to spend the night over there at the Clearwater place."

"When do we leave?"

"Not for an hour."

My vision's eye followed my dear little one's narrow back as she finished ascending the staircase, walked to the right, and entered her small bedroom. I must be having some kind of drug-induced hallucination. Her room appeared drastically different. Gone was the bulletin board over her bed that held the maps of all the vacations we had taken – color-coded straight pins, threads, and all. I could not find a single picture of her family. The computer we had given her did not sit on her desk. And when she opened the closet door, I knew I had to be in the wrong dream. It was empty of almost all of her clothing.

She shrugged out of the coat and tossed it on the bed. Why was she wearing a winter coat in the summer? She unzipped her gown and let it drop to the floor. I supervised her changing, because she could have tripped, and this was a dream, after all. So it was not like I was a moral degenerate or something. She then slid the straps of her slip from her shoulders and it, too, slid down her skin and puddled around her ankles. Besides, studying her offered me a set of comparison images to gauge her current condition in the event this was not a hallucination. Fine, I was a complete degenerate. I couldn't help it if I enjoyed watching my mate remove her clothing. I wanted to enjoy that sight every day. For eternity. Just not under circumstances when she seemed so sad. That seemed wrong, somehow.

When she removed her stockings and stood upright, I saw the scars on her from the injuries she had sustained at the battle with Phoenix at our house. And that was the first clue that I was not creating this out of a figment of my overactive imagination. She put on an old set of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. It took her three tries to put the pants on since she could not seem to keep her balance. Finally she sat on the bed and slid them on. Bella's color kept fading and she appeared like she was going to pass out twice. The worn canvas sneakers smirking at me from her floor – the ones I had thought I had destroyed did not belong on those feet. And I knew for a fact the undergarments that she had on under those clothes were old. She normally wore them on Wednesdays, and they did not appear to fit.

A greeting card of some sort peeked out from underneath a pair of cotton socks, as she lifted them. The card read, "Dear Bella, thank you so very much for your generous donation of the computer and coats and clothing for our annual charity drive. The medical equipment, too, that the Cullens left for us will most definitely come in handy with one of our parishioners. We have enclosed an inventory should you want to claim this for your taxes. Warmly, Rev. and Mrs. Weber." She opened the inventory and I read it over her shoulder feeling like someone jumped on my solar plexus a time or forty-five. It contained every item we had ever given her down to the scarf and winter boots.

I wailed to Jugurtha, "She gave them the emergency medical supplies we had stored her domicile. All of them!"

She had donated her mattress, the linens, the spices, the chess books. Every last thing we had given to her, including the cell phone, went to charity. But the item on that list that reached out and grabbed me by the heart and squeezed was seeing the part about the expensive chess set that had been valued at over five thousand dollars, and her abomination of a truck. From below, I heard a knock at the door. Bella walked out to peer around the staircase and halted. Arria surrounded by ten of her guards stood in the doorway.

"What can I do for you, Arria, isn't it?" Chief Swan said, struggling to act normal.

"We need to talk." Her guards crowded behind her into the Swan's living room as Bella slowly walked down the staircase and stood with her body between Arria and her Father. She had this determined expression on her face like she was serenely staring her own mortality in the face. Charlie reached out and squeezed Bella by the shoulder, a gesture of reassurance. What an idiot.

He was surrounded by stuffy immortals and he thought he could shield his daughter? Even worse, _she_ seemed to believe she could protect him. And that scared me even more, because I had seen that expression the night she had faced the murderers at the Yorkie farm. The vision ended with Bella's birds beginning to activate, as Arria reached out and put her hand over her daughter's – the one that discreetly held a vampire blade, "There won't be any need for that, Bella."

My wife pulled a knife on her own mother.

That just proved she was a Telecles better than any DNA test ever could. Even more disturbing, her mother appeared touched, misty-eyed, like one would expect a parent watching a baby's first step.

I called to Jugurtha, "Make sure that dimwit Renee Dwyer is not permitted to fly or use any other means of transportation to come into the vicinity of our dear little armed and dangerous one. She might show her true colors and stab her. As amusing as that might be, justified, too, we cannot have our bride murdering others – even if they deserve it. It would be tacky."

"Got it. Incoming!" He muttered as he scribbled in my day planner.

The next vision began with a muscle car pulling up to the O'Shea farmhouse. Two others followed, and out of the middle automobile emerged Bella guided by Decimus, the boorish beetle-browed captain of her personal guard. He drove a rusty Oldsmobile, for Pete's sake, with obvious incorrect tire pressure and a dented front fender. What immortal did that? His cronies behind alighted from a Ford Taurus that needed a new fan belt. No wonder they failed to guard her. Bella wore an outfit similar to those of the other coven members, dark pants and a shirt. And she appeared to have dropped twenty pounds.

She said, "The clothes are just upstairs."

He sniffed, "I smell dust and mold, lemon, and a bit of wax." She almost gave him a smile and said, "I never lie."

Well _that_ was a whopper.

Never lie, indeed. What did she call not saying, "Oh golly, it's nice to meet you Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. By the way, I've known you were deer-blood-sucking vampires since I was seven. Have a journal."

_That_ was dishonest.

And most unhelpful.

Inconvenient, too.

She could lie with the best of them. I should know. Given her DNA, I felt it safe to say she was a born deceiver.

Decimus put an arm on hers to aid her up the stairs. I would have liked to have ripped his throat out for that alone, but his demeanor indicated concern for her well-being in a sibling-like manner, not lust. Or even avarice. My mind's eye stayed outside the house as I heard him say, "The only way you are walking out of the house wearing those is if we wash them."

"You don't even know how to use a washer." Bella blustered.

"Yes I do. I read the manual Liam so helpfully had on file." I could hear the sliding of hangers and opening of drawers. "Your doctor's appointment is in half an hour. You'll have to go in what you are wearing. I'll leave two guards behind to see to your laundry."

"I can do it."

"I know. But right now we don't have time. We need to have your heart examined. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," she sounded positively ashamed.

"I brought you a chocolate bar." That _bastard_.

"Thanks. Hershey's. You sure know how to spoil a girl."

"My wife insisted on buying a whole case of them when she realized you liked them," he said fondly.

I sniffed, a bar of Toblerone in her favorite flavor was 260 calories, compared to the measly 200 in a common Hershey's bar. He couldn't even _feed_ her properly. Granted the Hershey's bar had 2% of the daily requirement of iron that she needed. But still.

She had a heart condition and he fed her poor quality chocolate? As soon as I woke up for real, that man was going to the great immortal ash heap in the sky. Right now the Sumo wrestlers started bouncing again on my lids, so I could not move. But I could dream. And scheme.

Jugurtha shook me awake, pointed to Starched Shirt Edward, and said, "Junior and I both concur that Decimus has to live to burden you another day. No killing him."

"But he---"

An index finger landed in the center of my forehead and stabbed with each word, "No. Killing. Him. We even talked it over with Grace and she definitely agrees, as do the birds. All of them." Fine! Curses! This whole follow-the-Ten-Commandments behavioral management plan would make Machiavelli smirk.

I argued, "When consumed, chocolate triggers the same pleasure centers of the brain as sexual intercourse does on human women."

Jugurtha crossed his arms and smirked, "Are you worried you cannot compare to a common Hershey's bar?"

Oh.

Well. When he said it like that. No. I most assuredly was_ not_ worried about that. I was _far better_ than a common Hershey's bar. After all, I and I alone could make the Earth move beneath her feet. I could make her orgasm with a kiss. Five -

Jugurtha tsked and interrupted a perfectly pleasant memory, "No, you misused that particular talent and therefore, in the immortal words of Sitting Bull, will have to be a real man and use your hands to achieve the same results." Drat. I wanted to hyperventilate. If she ever let me kiss her again, what was I going to do when I could not produce the same results? I mean…. Gah!

My heart monitor began racing. Rosalie appeared with a gleaming needle. Sweetly, she overdosed me with something that made me not seem to care too much about my alleged supernatural sexual inadequacies. Sleepily, but with care, I felt my mate's face to check her fever and heard Rosalie say, "She's improving Edward, but you are not. Get some sleep." So I did.

Vividly, I recalled begging the deity for one more sight of Bella after she had perished before my eyes. And I also remembered the way my shattered soul had leapt at the very sight of her in Italy. It felt terribly wrong; to complain then, that holding Bella now felt different. I thought that knowing I loved her, that clutching her against me - my very being would be elevated. And while I certainly could detect the human and immortal sentiment of love that I felt for my dear little Grandmaster, she did not rest easily in my arms like before. I felt like a whining spoiled child for observing that very fact.

She had forgiven me. She had said so. She never lied. Much. And not very well. Except when pretending to be immortally ignorant. But still. Bella had said she had forgiven me, and had sounded like she meant it. And I had to believe that, because it gave me hope that our mate bond would be complete. But more importantly, that she would live and flourish. Her every breath meant the world to me. It always had. I just had failed to appreciate the significance until now. If I could make her happy, I would happily give up the pleasure of her scent. I'd give even more if I could persuade her to love miserable me.

Four hours later, Starched Shirt Edward decided it was his turn to pester me into consciousness with the irritating chant of Latin morning prayers. Staring at my sleeping secretive singer-wife reminded me of all of my responsibilities that I had failed to keep. Not that reciting words in Latin embodied one of them. But still. I ignored the gasps and bellicose fist-shaking from Starched Shirt Edward before reminding him it was a sin to shriek in front of the Madonna. And he risked offending Baby Jesus with that vocabulary and tone.

Jugurtha said, "First thing on today's Agenda of Doom is to contact Paula. She is skulking in a guest cottage at the house."

Paula had stayed in a room next door for a week before Father had released her to another hospital of a sorts back at our guest cottage. Charlie had moved in to care for her. Seeing as her house was being renovated by Emmett's crew, Charlie completely understood her desire not to set foot in it. He still had nightmares about the night he and his baby girl had found the gore-splattered walls and shattered furniture. If it were up to him, he'd demolish the damn house with dynamite. Lots of dynamite. She had agreed to sell it.

I waited until Paula was asleep to strike. No one else was awake in our area of the Forks Hospital, save Fergus and the "nurses" that Marcus had imported to assist in our care at night. Arria sat in her now familiar corner.

As I started glowing, she hissed, "What are you doing, Youngling?"

"Striving to have a shaman-to-shaman discussion with Paula."

"Oh. She is indeed troubled." Her reply smoothly sailed from her tongue, and Arria made no mention of the five separate rings that she, her Mother, and Marcus had erected outside of Paula's hospital room to keep her inside and un-phased and whatever demon that was feasting on her from roaming. Diplomat, that one.

Arria also avoided mentioning the summit they had held while I had been unconscious debating whether or not they should simply slay Paula to save us the trouble. Grace had informed me of that one. Those Telecles folks were the very epitome of kindness. Who else would plot murder to spare you the trouble of killing your own friends? Besides Jasper. Then again, since he was mated to Alice and she was Marcus' relation of some order, that just meant that she fit right in from the beginning in picking ruthless spouses.

That black bubbling goo that surrounded Paula's spirit like tar made it challenging to communicate with the ease I expected. _"Paula?"_

She woke, and answered in a far too composed voice, _"Is Bella well?" _

_"Yes. I talked with Hezekiah about you."_

The only thing I received in response was a glum, _"I see."_

_"He reminded me that you and I both have neglected to construct shields before accepting the aid of spirits."_

_"Figured that one out already, Edward, but thanks."_ She fluffed a pillow and shifted.

Grace aided me in seeing Paula in her guest cottage bedroom; Charles Swan snored in a leather recliner holding her hand. Marcus had put a shield around Charles, damn him - I mean my, what a gracious thing to do for my first cousin-in-law. From a spiritual perspective, it appeared like this black shadow towered over Paula. Whatever power had latched onto Paula was older than Grace. Colder than Grace. And about to meet me.

I had, after all, smacked around Vivinna. How hard could this be in comparison? My powers had also grown with each use of them. Granted, I was currently in the hospital with a fever attired in one of those uncomfortable garments. But even with a paltry wound, I felt confident of addressing the situation. Stop snorting.

Using the Marcus-Vine, Arria summoned Marcus and her Mother. Lovely. Time to hold hands again.

"Edward, my daughter says you require our assistance?" Marcus lifted me from my beloved's side and deposited me like a potted plant in a chair by Arria instead, careful not to rip out my IV. This was not a fair trade by any means whatsoever. Arria woke up the birds on my dear little snoring one, who took preening positions around Bella's bed.

What? Can't a black-souled demon have a simple conversation with another one without requiring the United Nations of Immortality to appear? Yeesh.

Marcus said, "The house is quite a distance. Do you need me to open a portal?"

"No. My shaman link allows me to communicate with Paula from this distance."

"Carry on, then," Marcus gestured for me to begin and then took my hand.

_"Who are you?"_ I asked the spirit. It had its fangs embedded in Paula's throat and greedily suckled. Shaped like a pine tree, it possessed two heads, one sticking out from the center of its trunk, and thousands of tentacles that waved in the air like grass in a breeze. One head chewed on Paula's back, the other kept moving from her throat to her wounded shoulder. And did I mention it had poor table manners? And drooled?

Perhaps this was Arria's alter ego? Reminding me of our first encounters, the spirit acted as if it was offended that I even addressed it, and continued feeding as if I was unworthy of its notice. Someone required a lesson in humility. Summoning power from the Earth, I dropped Arria's and extended an irritated right hand in the direction of the corner of the room and wagged fingers impatiently. Hezekiah's staff tottered eagerly across the linoleum floor to meet my flesh, and I took advantage, after constructing the appropriate spiritual condom – I mean defense, of all the power Marcus and his family offered. Arria moved her hand to my shoulder.

I called out to every Quileute spirit in the area that they had better show up and assist their female shaman, seeing as they had left her vulnerable on her own so long and owed her for sacrificing again for the tribe. They were surly about joining with all those hand-holding powerful bloodsuckers.

_"We are here to aid Paula, and the immortals in this room have fought on the side of the tribe._" I snapped at them in Quileute, _"Do not spurn their assistance."_ I cleared my throat. _"Please."_

I heard an old geezer, one of Hezekiah's cronies, sadly say, _"They're having a hard time, sonny, because Paula sort of half-way failed her test."_

_"How do you half way fail? Either you pass or you do not. And if you fail, then you lose the powers, right?"_ I barked back exasperated. The flames flared in response as I gathered more power, illuminating the room.

"Do not wake my daughter," Arria chided. _Now_ she decides to get all parental? Waking up her daughter was a Telecles sin, but forcing her to watch a mass slaughter was not? I did not mean to judge, but my new family was weird. I tossed another shield around Bella's form ensuring that she could not hear a thing, and refrained from informing her biological Mother that her daughter slept like the dead. I should know.

Geezer voice number two quavered,_ "That spirit latched onto her during the exam. We could not finish it."_

_"Oh. Well, we'll just have to see about that."_

_"Atta boy! Go get him!"_ the Geezers chortled and went back to defending Bella's spirit. I was not a boy.

One hollered down at me, _"You go boy!"_

The Quileute powers decided perhaps they might gather to administer the rest of the exam and one-by-thirty-seven slipped into my spirit.

_"Greetings, soul-sucking demon. I believed I addressed you in perfectly appropriate tones a moment ago. You have seized onto my student. As her teacher, I would like to know your spiritual intentions."_ That sounded perfectly reasonable. It ignored me. A migraine returned with a lover's kiss. Arria raised an eyebrow and all but laughed.

She said, "It doesn't understand you when you speak in Oscan." Marvelous. Now we were dealing with an uncivilized fiend.

That's when my brothers decided to drop in and pay a social call, accompanied by two of Marcus' returned from the headless beyond sons, Thucer and Teitu. I was not going to be the one to tell Marcus' hulking son that his name sounded like a garment worn by a dancer. He had his Father's eyes, so that should keep people from teasing him to his face, perhaps. Not that it would stop me. But still. I had manners.

I heard Emmett's voice say, "What the Hell?" From his thoughts, we were all lit up in various different colors of power, but mine glowed white and green like nothing he'd ever seen. And Emmett thought he had seen enough odd power behaviors from me to last an immortal lifetime.

My brother grabbed his phone and called Father, "Edward's doing that whole freaky glowing in the dark trick again," he tattled.

"Paula," I managed to grit out at Emmett.

"Check on Paula. Gotta go." Emmett hung up on Father at a nudge from Jasper.

Both came to stand by Bella in case, I went bonkers and tried to chomp on her neck or other delectable regions. Like I would be stupid enough to do that not only in front of my brothers but in front of her Grandfather and banshee female demon-possessed relations? Please.

Marcus said to his sons, "Please join us." And so they did. I felt a surge in the power around me. That Teitu was awfully strong.

Jugurtha said, "Pay attention to the demon, you know the one that ignored your last attempt to address it." Right. That.

_"Marcus,"_ I mentally called, _"Do you know any ancient tongues? I think this spirit is very old."_ When I meant ancient tongues I was not, of course, referring to his wife. That would have been rude. Accurate. But rude. And I would have said, "Ancient forked tongues," as well. The devil was in the details.

_"Would you mind if I did the talking, Edward?"_ Marcus asked warmly.

_"Not at all." _I hated conversing on sheer principle.

Marcus tried a form of Chinese spoken in 1500 B.C. The spirit actually glanced at him a moment before belching, spitting black goo to the ground, and continuing to feed. Marcus switched to Samarian. And the demon's face lit up and, while still sucking every bit he could from Paula, with one head, he launched into some kind of tirade that made no sense to me using the head that had been latched to Paula's shoulder. By his tone of voice, he sounded like a guest at a hotel sniping about the laundry service. Marcus nodded a time or two and answered in polite but remote tones.

This was getting boring. I was losing quality-pressed-against-the-flesh time. That was distressing. Tragic, too. She needed me.

Emmett said, "Marcus, Edward looks like he's getting twitchy."

Marcus said into my mind, _"I have asked him to cease feeding on Paula so we could speak. He's complaining that her spirit tastes vile. I believe now would be a good time to strike."_

Jugurtha said, "When you strike, call out the word _Átashsaia._"

At last! Before common sense could insert its ore, I snatched at the demon's lower head, called out the word Jugurtha said was Zuni, and thereby yanked one set of fangs from Paula. The other teeth left behind appeared embedded in her back, and continued to move even though they were no longer attached to the demon's body. So I ripped them out by hand and tossed them to the floor as the spirit howled with his other head.

Jugurtha consulted a volume with Starched Shirt Edward and said, "Well, it's not a Zuni demon. Call out the word, Apotamkin." He returned to huddling over the book reading along.

"What the heck is that?" I barked after I shouted the word.

"A Native American legend from the Malisseet that is their equivalent of a vampire. The demon prefers children, though," Starched Shirt Edward sounded so calm. And that word, too, did not seem to have any more powerful effect that our power and our hands.

"Call it Kwantomm!" Starched Shirt Edward eagerly suggested.

"We are not in Romania, and I doubt one traveled all that way to chase Paula," Jugurtha said. "Ignore him."

Starched Shirt Edward huffed in umbrage and went back to flipping pages like an irritated librarian. "How about Nekomata?" He chirped a few moments later as I attempted to get the beast in a headlock.

I turned the demon's lower head towards Starched Shirt Edward and snapped, "Does this look Japanese to you?" For a moment, the demon helpfully smoothed his features and froze as if posing for a picture, before resuming howling.

"I don't know. I don't go around meeting Japanese fiends, do you?" Starched Shirt Edward sniped in return. Oh. Well, That was a good point.

It had a choice, Marcus explained as I fought. It could continue to feed from Paula with its one functioning set of jaws, or it could release and fight me. He coolly suggested that I try slicing the body with a strike or five to give it proper motivation.

That's when the fiend decided to let us know that those things waving around him really did have a use beyond pure aesthetics. Disdainfully, he simultaneously stabbed Paula with nine tentacles; each had a small mouth at the end. She screamed. The others all aimed for me. And they sort of stung and tickled a bit too. The demon was not pleased to realize that my flesh could not be broken and pointed at my shoulder wound like a sinner. He seemed to think this was unfair.

Using a vampire blade Marcus handed to me; I spiritually sliced off the lower half of the demon's body and threw it to the geezers who began chortling in glee as they attacked. Arria and Vivinna entered the fray and literally dug the nine embedded tentacles they found from Paula's chest with a dual show of power. Thucer and Teitu hacked away at the demon's left side.

The demon did the indignant, "Do you have any idea of who I am?" equivalent of a rant at Marcus and started gathering power to return our felicitous regards.

Marcus offered back an expression of, "Do I look like I care?" He said, "Edward, would you mind if I joined?" No. Not at all. Be my guest.

Sneering at the fiend, I growled, "Hey imbecile! It would be an insult to weak women the world over to say you fight like one. A human one, too." I used the Ionic dialect of Ancient Greek I hoped it understood. And wow. It did.

That pleased not the demon, who continued to call to his disreputable cronies. Without a word, staring at me, one head moving hypnotically as it ignored that whole missing a tooth or two and the lower half of its other head and lower body business as it began acquiring power. Perhaps it could benefit from making the acquaintance of FitzLuck and FitzSinister? They had done so well in Italy. And they were most eager to do something, so both flew to Paula's room in giddy relief at the prospect of combat. They pounced right as I directed a blast, not at the snake, but at Paula instead. I lit her up with so much power she began seizing. And Marcus added in a blast or eleven. Father's immortal medical colleague, Fergus, sedated Charlie, and spirited him from the room, while Father stayed back and watched the birds work.

_"What are you doing?"_ Paula gasped spiritually as her body writhed.

_"Saving you. Silence, please."_

_"I cannot be saved, Edward."_

_"Done talking."_ I cut her off before she could mention that whole wolf-blood drinking business.

We did have an audience, not that she knew it, and only Arria understood a few words of Quileute. I sent another pummel at the fiend who bellowed in ire. The sound of it certainly smarted on the ears like the giggles of Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory mated and had spoken spawn.

I could see the rotted areas of Paula's soul where the spirit had feasted. So I did the only thing that made sense to me. I stabbed Paula, not the fiend. Moving at a blur, I carved away the putrid remains as she screamed and swore like a sailor. Marcus had included them in the Marcus-vine and my brothers watched happily. Emmett was impressed. Jasper was quietly horrified at how women of this century had changed, although he did admit she probably cursed more fluently than he did. Eloquently, too. Watching from the cottage bedroom, Father thought I had a gift for surgery.

We all worked to shield Paula as the irritated entity struck. Instinctively, the newborn rage erupted, and I threw a punch that landed in between the strikes of the birds that plagued the demon. FitzLuck got in a fantastic position and tore away more spiritual flesh. Deciding it had perhaps overstayed its welcome, the demon vanished leaving spiritual soot all over the room.

Teitu, after cleansing the room of the demon smut, measured the area around Paula. He found no trace of any forces beyond the shield. Her aura remained the same sickly shade of green tinged with black, but it would take a while to heal all that spiritual damage I felt sure.

"Thank you," I said to the Telecles clan.

"Of course, Edward. You're one of us now." Marcus lifted me and deposited me back into bed after scanning to make sure I had not been infected with any of the demon nonsense. Feeling like a limp rag, I huddled against Bella and fell asleep, holding my staff. Not that staff. Hezekiah's staff. The wooden one.

Emmett grumbled that I had a new "blankey" whatever that was. I sought sleep and hunted my dreams for Hezekiah, who continued to evade me. When I found that man, I was going to beat him with that stick. Seeing as beating that demented female who assigned me the test would be rude. Hezekiah would have to do in a pinch.

Marcus shook me awake a few hours later, speaking in Oscan at vampire pitch. "Edward, we have a problem."

I felt my mate stiffen and heard her heart accelerate. Bella blinked up at her Grandfather and tried to vanish beneath the covers.

In English, he exclaimed, "Bella, dear, it is so good to see you awake for a change." He pulled the sheet away from her rosy face, and bestowed a gentle kiss on her brow. "I hear you are an exceptional chess player. After your breakfast let's play a game, shall we? Edward can play the loser."

Wow. Just. Wow. It had to be that British accent. Human women in the States went nuts over it I had often observed. They found it charming. When you combined that with Marcus' acumen, it was a lethal combination.

Jugurtha barked, "Pull up a chair and watch the master play." Amen.

"Sure," Bella said.

Why hadn't I thought of that?

"Because you haven't been awake enough to play a decent game," Starched Shirt Edward observed, and then went back to praying at his bench. Seeing as he worried we were going to burn in Hell for abandoning our bride during her time of need, he had created lists of things we could do in atonement. Jugurtha and I had crossed out the wearing of the hair shirt suggestion, and definitely vetoed the attending mass part with our bride. She wasn't even religious. That would only alienate her, we had explained to Starched Shirt Edward. And a hair shirt would be pointless, as it could not have the same effect on us as it would a human. He suggested we consult Marcus to create the immortal equivalent. Jugurtha distracted him with more lingerie pictures. He'd found old volumes that showed gowns from the turn of the century.

_"Your shaman friend,"_ Marcus said to my mind, as he took Bella's bishop.

Alarmed, Grace showed me the view of Paula in her room. The wound at her shoulder appeared considerably better. She now had bright shining purple barriers that would make an immortal weep with envy stamped all over with Marcus' personal shield. And the demon sat right next to her in her bed legs crossed at the ankles arms behind his perfectly intact top head, all but doing the equivalent of whistling in innocence as his tentacles taunted me.

_"It cannot reach her soul."_ I spluttered as I scrutinized our work.

_"True. But it is feeding from the shield."_ Bella made an impressive rally with her next move.

_"How long can we maintain them?"_

_"Indefinitely."_

We both saw the black edges of the green fire that burned at the heart of Paula. Marcus won the game. So I had another First Cousin Mother-in-law from Hell. This was fast becoming par for the course.

_"I suspect the damage is permanent. But I believe she is better than before. The demon cannot feed directly from her. Nor can it influence her any more than it already has."_ I'd take the victories, even small ones, where I could.

I set up the board so I could take my turn at play. Arria, and Vivinna, and even Decimus sauntered into the room to watch.

Paula sent me a heartbreaking array of memories – the panic of the attack, her desperate summoning of the powers, the sensation as that one leapt into her and gave her the strength to turn the tribe at once, followed by the gnawing feeling at her wound and the desperate thirst she had for European werewolf blood. She had tried to avoid drinking it, but the spirit had literally taken control of her body and had thrown her at every one she could encounter. I could understand. I knew exactly what it felt like to desire something that repulsed you. I was not about to share with her how I had lusted after Bella's blood a time or two thousand. That was personal.

I texted Jasper and asked if he and Emmett could pay Paula a visit to help her with a sensitive issue. They both had seen her drinking the European wolf blood and needed no further explanation. My brothers left the hospital to return to the house.

While they approached her guest cottage, I sent the belligerent Paula my own series of images. I showed her the first memories I had as an immortal. I showed her Carlisle explaining to me what I was, and I let her feel the revulsion I had at craving human blood the first time my immortal senses detected it, and the anguish I had felt when first consuming deer blood. It had not tasted good enough. I had still felt hungry for that which repulsed me. I showed her my attempts to eat human food, and my misery when it refused to remain in my stomach. I recollected how Carlisle had to force me to hunt, how I had wept upon feeding at last on a doe. I had not wanted to feel the satisfaction of having animal blood in my system while still craving the real thing from a living being. She wasn't going to win on the woe in one's life contest. Sorry. And if she wanted to see suffering for one's appetite, well, Jasper was about to school her.

_"How did you cope?"_

_"The desire to kill humans repulsed me even more than the desire to drink deer blood."_ That was the absolute truth. The edited version. And I made my voice sound at peace with that whole being a deer blood drinker vampire. And seeing as I was so distracted, Bella beat the pants off of me, metaphorically speaking, alas, in a distressingly short number of moves. From across the room Thucer chuckled and applauded his niece. She acted like she wanted to vanish. Marcus said, "I don't believe you've met your uncle. This is Thucer. He is working on his English."

"Eet iz …." He started. Then started again. And a third time. He apparently had a speech impediment. It took over a minute for him to finish a simple greeting. I was so proud that Bella did not try to finish the sentence for him or correct his atrocious accent. Marcus explained the rules of chess to Thucer who watched the game, fascinated. Vivinna entered the room and gave her son a kiss on the forehead and happily took a seat to watch.

Back at the guest cottage on our land, Jasper and Emmett entered Paula's room. Emmett held a plastic colored glass tumbler in his hand.

"What is that?" she asked pointing at the bright blue cup.

"The lost covens have been using this as their diet. We were thinking perhaps the algae might benefit you, and help with the craving for blood." Emmett said that so sincerely. Paula drank the glass, wincing and cried, "Jesus Christ! That is worse than anything I've ever tasted."

Peering down at the scene, Starched Shirt Edward crossed himself and said, "She's taking the Savior's name in vain. Clearly, the demon is not out of her. That poor, poor woman!"

Jasper said, "I need to know what happened so I can help you."

"Oh, I quite agree, she definitely needs spiritual help," Starched Shirt Edward chirped.

Jugurtha and I silenced him, asking him to go and pray for her continued recovery. To Saint Jude. He scurried away earnestly.

Paula's voice was pure steel, "Who says I need help?"

"Stop quibbling. This is bigger than your pride. This concerns the welfare of what's left of the tribe you turned." Jasper knew how to go for the jugular with a cheerful face. The fact that he did not stoop to using his gift made the impact all that much worse. "I know all about battle, Paula, and about having to make difficult choices and living with the consequences. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. In the meantime, I need to know what you learned from this coven you hunted. There could be others."

"The birdbrains had no idea about the tribe, to the best of my knowledge. I managed to pick up bits and pieces of their language. They only cared about me and seemed to fight over their food."

The day passed with rounds of chess that my entire family took part in and much to my amusement, Marcus' too. Bella insisted that she and I take turns trouncing the family. She was not playing at her usual level of skill. Unvarnished truth be told, neither was I. And rarely a word was spoken beyond, "check" or "congratulations."

I reserved that level of gamesmanship for my life. I mean our life – where it was most required.

"How are you feeling?" I said when the silence in the room became uncomfortable. Marcus and his clan had left to go attend to his army, so we were alone with Mother in the corner as a chaperone.

"Fine." My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and refused to move. She tilted her head at me and said, "You should probably lie down."

"I will if you will."

She crawled over to my bed without a word and slid under the covers. At contact, her necklace began blazing and I felt cold and hot at the same time all over. But I refused to let go of her. And sleep defeated me as I surrendered to the darkness.

Later that afternoon, I woke to find her watching me. Marcus, Vivinna, Arria, and Mother were stationed around the room.

Bella asked me, "How is Paula?"

"Not good," I rubbed the sleep from my face.

"What is wrong?"

"The night she was attacked, Paula stumbled upon a demon. He has since taken residence in her spirit and refuses to leave."

One would think after all she had been exposed to in the past year in terms of beings both mortal and immortal misbehaving, Bella would be shocked at the concept of a demon. Not my Bella. Her face remained composed, "Is she going to die?"

"I do not know. We all fought the demon last night while you were asleep." If Paula died, that would distress Charlie, not to mention my bride. So Paula definitely had to live. Besides, I liked her.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I was too polite to tell my bride that was a stupid question. Of course I did not wake her. Besides, her biological mother would have killed me. I had priorities.

Smoothly, I replied, "You needed your rest."

She held her hand out to me before a fascinated Marcus, Vivinna, Arria, and Mother and said, "Try again, school boy."

School boy?

Jugurtha reminded me, "Your power does increase exponentially when you touch her. It can't hurt to try. And she does have a point."

"But, she could be harmed!" I was not a boy. Granted, I appeared to be young in my features, and I lurked, I meant inhabited schools from time to time. Ok fine, maybe a few consecutive decades. But still. School boy? Boy? My poor little bottle cap. How she still suffered so. She was barking mad if she thought I'd risk a single hair on her head.

Marcus mentally said to me,_ "It's always a risk. But she deserves the right to take it. And it will give her something to do besides grieve."_

Refusing to gawp or reflect the gobsmacked sentiments I smothered, I cautiously took Bella's hand in my own, and called out in Quileute for the spirits once again to come and administer a re-test. Bella watched fascinated as I jerked every time a spirit leapt inside.

Because I currently radiated a power that had an unusual signature, thanks to Bella, spirits that usually lurked came calling. I pushed off the riff-raff evil ones with a glare, and graciously accepted the aid of those who passed Hezekiah's spiritual purity test.

Out of nowhere, this surge of power so great crashed into me that I felt like I was about to be pulled under the Earth. I turned my mind's eye to Paula, and did the logical thing. I aimed it all at her shield. The demon howled and singed at the edges.

"Is it working?" Bella whispered through clenched teeth.

Marcus answered for me, "Bella, the demon is wounded but refusing to concede."

Her eyes grew distant, Bella said, "Paula's house that night we found it, all that blood."

And that is when I believe she lost her temper, and threw a fit.

So Bella added more, God help me, more than even my immortal mind could contain. So I thought. And then, damn her, she stuffed more power down my suffocating throat.

The demon was struck by this tremendous crush of righteous anger, courtesy of my dear little endless-source-of-power one. In a spiritual hissy fit of epic proportions, it took its singed self and departed. For now.

I do not remember much after falling into her arms and murmuring, "Thank you."

Neither one of us moved until the following morning, when my dear little bride shifting in her sleep accidentally put a knee against a delicate part of my anatomy that I really wanted to remain intact, a part lower than my shoulder wound. Ouch.

Bella woke and yelped, and almost leaping off the bed, fell. So I had to catch her one-handed while grimacing.

"It's fine. You're safe," fell from my lips a ritual long practiced.

"Sorry," she stammered. Her eyes fell to the new volume that had previously been hidden behind two vases of flowers. "What is this?"

"Turns out Jasper is the one with the heart problem."

She adopted a stunned expression, "_He_ translated it?"

"Like child's play. He transcribed it into English in about an hour and a half."

"You read it?"

"I did. You are the bravest," I bit back, 'most insane,' for fear of hurting her delicate feelings, "woman I have ever encountered in my long life. Beautiful, too."

She harrumphed.

Arria observed from her corner. Of course she had done nothing to prevent her daughter assaulting me in her sleep. The visions I had experienced thanks to my dear little silent one had sent Arria into the equivalent of orbit and she'd been simmering ever since. I was not privy to her blocked-like-the-immortal-version-of-the-Iron Curtain thoughts. I am sure they went along the lines of being livid at her child being involved in immortal politics from a young age – especially ones that had nothing to do with high-born snotty, I mean aristocratic purple-blue-venomed vampires - and even more, at her daughter's ability to keep her mouth shut.

I tried to pour all the contrition and love I felt into my gaze. As I looked at my mate. Not her demon-spawn mother.

Arria said, "Bella, we should take time to bathe you." She had to repeat it twice before Bella understood what she was trying to say. Arria's accent left much to be desired. Arria, much to my dismay, let her daughter stand on her own two feet and walk to the bathroom after she efficiently detached my dear little one from the heart monitor. Father came to get me at that moment so I could take a shower in another room. I fretted for my mate. She needed me. And I disliked being away from her side. For any amount of time.

I watched, appalled, as Bella saw her body for the first time, and really paid attention to the scars. Naked she stood by the mirror and gasped. Arria and Vivinna were alone with her.

"What?" She could not complete the question.

"That happened the day you fell. Grace did it." Arria shrugged.

"What did Grace do to me?"

"She gave you some of her power and we all brought you back." Arria used a businesslike voice.

Vivinna traced a scar on Bella's hip in an oddly comforting gesture and said in halting English, "Marks of warrior. Proud."

"Victoria," Bella hesitated. Arria arched an eyebrow.

"Is _very_ dead." Arria said that so cheerily. "I killed her."

"I know. Thank you for that. What did she do . . . to my back? I couldn't see it?"

Arria used a cautious voice, "She carved her initials in it."

"Oh." Silence reigned for half a beat, "Good thing she had a short name." The lack of expression in her response broke my heart.

Arria said, "It has healed, thanks to the necklace. And Edward." She left off the part about the scar being visible and red. Bella appeared confused, "His touch heals you. That is why I permit you to slumber at his side at night." Rosalie had removed the stitches a few hours back.

"Right," Bella sounded exhausted.

Thinking of that scene depressed and enraged me in equal parts. Knowing she had prior knowledge that Annie-Victoria would harm her in some way and had said nothing bewildered me to no end. If Bella thought we were not going to be discussing the pictures in Ephraim's journal, she had another thing coming.

"She is in no shape. That vision with Maria was ghastly, and she must be exhausted after using all that energy last night. Did you see how she is shaking? We will not push her at all!" Starched Shirt Edward shouted.

"What he said," Jugurtha echoed.

Fine. I could wait. Patience was my middle name. Prudence sounded stuffy. Temperence too old-fashioned. This required a new form of devotion.

The next month and a half inched by at a glacial pace. Fergus, Father, and Rosalie insisted on keeping me in the hospital for two weeks. I was in complete accord with that decision, considering I had no intention of leaving my dear little one in the first place. It made extra work for them, keeping the nurses at bay and away from my not-quite-human-self.

Seth grumbled good naturedly when he came in to provide a urine sample that the staff could check, seeing as I did not produce human waste. As he disappeared into the bathroom he said, "The things I do for you, Edward. It's a good thing I give a shit."

Thank goodness Mother had her nursing degree. So it was convenient that Mother insisted that she would care for both Bella and me. Seth reddened beneath her gaze as he emerged from the bathroom with the specimen cup, "Um, sorry about the language." He sat by Bella and took her hand as she slept, after sanitizing his own following a baleful glare from me.

Following my rather dramatic seizure, Bella had left off any and all discussions of what the _Cosmopolitan_ magazine brandishing a semi-clad strumpet and unwanted sexual advice at how to drive "him" into ecstasy in the bedroom called, "the state of the relationship," negotiations that human men so loathed. I had found a copy in the waiting room, and with Grace's assistance, had read over a young woman's shoulder in horrified dismay at the state of humanity. Women! No wonder they were all so peculiar. Rags like _Cosmopolitan_ were warping them. I made sure to scour my dear little one's living quarters, once I found them, to ensure that she kept that trash from her reading list.

During the following sennight, although I had been officially discharged, I never left because Bella was still ill. The inoculated-for-rabies-and-a-host-of-other-plagues by Emmett and bathed daily by Rosalie, Mary Alice, or Mother - Douglas and Grace both kept constant company when the humans were not present. Humans outside of the tribe could not see Grace. Douglas, on the other hand, would have created another wave of panic. Marcus managed to have bags of deer blood delivered on the three hour mark, and I grew used to consuming them in the bathroom and scrubbing my teeth. Gargling, too. I couldn't have my poor wife vomiting at the scent of me.

During the day, we separated the beds and pulled a curtain between them to give off the illusion of privacy. Leah, and Seth did their fair share in attempting to engage my bride in conversation. She mostly slept. Bella's conversations with my sisters were polite, but distant. After observing one exchange Leah asked at wolf pitch, "Can you give us a second?" Mary Alice and Rosalie left the room.

"Um, Swan," Leah said.

Bella stared at her.

"I did something stupid."

Bella stared at her and said nothing. But she patted her hand. Once.

"You were staying with us on the day the Cullens left. I found a letter on your bed that was addressed to you. And I just lost it."

"Why?"

"I know it's wrong, but I blamed them for what happened with Sam. If it hadn't been for vampires, we wouldn't have had to turn into slobbering dogs. And I was afraid they were going to bite you."

"Oh."

"It was from Alice."

"Oh."

So when she had left me that letter begging me not to leave, my sister had also written something to Bella as well. How sad.

"I'm sorry."

Bella paused and said, "We all make mistakes. It's ok."

"I read it. Well, part of it."

Bella's lips twitched, "Oh?"

"Alice said she loved you and that she needed you to remember that. She said that she needed you to be strong and that you were family. I didn't read past that before I got mad and lost it."

From outside, Mary Alice mentally grumbled that now she understood why Bella was so quiet with her. Rosalie wanted to tear – never mind. Mary Alice gripped my sister by the arms and hissed for her to control herself.

Angela called Bella every day, and took to texting because Bella acted monosyllabic. Ben and Angela sent flowers. They had been told that Bella was contagious and could not receive visitors yet. We spent many hours silently playing chess. If she did not want to speak, I could wait her out.

My Father came up with the lame excuse that I required an MRI. And then went about making me have one. In my absence Mother went into the room and asked Arria to give her some time with Bella. Coolly, Arria left the room without a word.

"Hello, Bella."

Bella blinked at her and nodded.

"How do you feel today?"

My bride shrugged her shoulders. And then turned to stare out the window. If she thought that was going to deter Mother, she was about ready to learn a lesson. Mother had that glint in her eye.

"Bella, I want you to know that I understand suffering. I have seen my fair share of it, during my time on Earth. If you ever want to talk, you have only to say a word. We all love you so, and hate to see you hurting like this."

Bella handed her the chess board to set up a game. They stayed like that for an hour. Bella never said a word.

We celebrated that Bella gained seven pounds. Her lungs were improved, but her heart remained the same. As did mine. And Father was frustrated because my wound had not completely healed. Paula's was giving him and Rosalie fits, too. The demon had thus far left her alone, which made it all the more curious. We had to sneak food into the hospital for Bella because she ate so much. I kept importing Toblerone bars for her.

I wanted to mention the journal to Bella. I wanted to more than mention it. I wanted to question her with a bare light bulb hanging over a stool if necessary. But after reading it, Jugurtha and I had decided that she still seemed too fragile. She had not wanted to discuss it. And we need not push her. It's not like she knew anything else. Right?

As if reading my mind, she made a scoffing noise at her book she held in her hands, harrumphed a time or three, channeling Genevieve no doubt, and went back to reading.

With the arrival of Christmas, my poor Mother was beside herself.

"Carlisle, we need to try to make Christmas special for the Clearwaters and Bella."

"Darling, I agree, but whatever we do, I think, should be casual. Humans usually gather at the holidays. I worry pushing Leah and Seth into a festive night would hurt more than help. Having the holiday is going to be wrenching no matter what, unfortunately."

None of us felt much like celebrating, and had a quiet Christmas, pretending the holiday did not exist. We did not purchase gifts for one another. Father said the fact that we were alive and with our loved ones was enough.

Seth and Leah looked so pathetic that I insisted that they sleep in the room with Bella and me on Christmas Eve. I have no idea what overwhelmed me then. It was a good thing Father had insisted on large hospital beds. The now-towering-over-most-women Leah crawled in beside Bella, kissed her on the forehead gently and said, "Merry Christmas, Swan." From Leah's thoughts, it was the first Christmas they had ever spent together. And Renee had conveniently arranged for them to be away from the phone on that particular holiday, ten years in a row. Uneasily, we all fell asleep.

Sue visited me in my dream. She had an arrow sticking from her eye, which made conversing a challenge. "Edward, make Leah pass out the gifts. And—" the dream inconveniently ended on that note.

I was awakened by a poke in the wounded shoulder and yelped, "What?" I expected to find Sue standing over me.

Seth, curled up in a sleeping bag on the floor, gracefully rose to his feet. Leah stood over me. Not to be rude, but I would most definitely kick her out of my bed. She was not a sight I wanted to wake up to in the middle of the night with that sour face.

Panicked, Leah pointed a shaking index finger at Bella, who tossed and turned and writhed with her shields glowing faintly. A familiar scent clung to her. The demon that had plagued Paula had come for a visit. He had managed to stun the birds somehow.

_"Marcus!"_ I mentally roared. And I commanded the birds to look alive with a jolt or nine of inspiration. Arria stood in the corner snarling already fighting the demon.

Bella opened her eyes, peered up at me and said, "It hurts so much." A tentacle appeared out of nowhere and began probing at her active and shrieking shields. I slapped it away. Arria sent a burst of power at it. The birds all sprang alive at once and hissed, looking for the demon. We heard mocking laughter at a supernatural pitch.

Leah and Seth snarled and started shaking to phase. I halted them, "You can't fight it like that."

Using the Ionic Ancient Greek dialect I knew, I growled, "You appear to have a preference for picking on little women. Why don't you try picking on someone your own size? Puling coward."

Ice dripping from every word Arria ordered in the same dialect, "You will cease pestering my child or I will end you."

I didn't bother asking nicely for the Quileute spirits. I demanded. Hezekiah's stick glowing in one hand; I sailed from my bed over to my bride's and covered her with my body in a protective shield. Our foreheads touched. Instantly, I felt the demon's attack as I absorbed it into my black shielded-to-the-gills spirit. In a fit of spite, I unleashed the demon from all those years ago, the one who had aided me when I had lost my mind. I needed him and Jugurtha both this time. The monster eyed the demon suspiciously sniffed in disdain and said something along the lines of "Geriatric geezer."

And an angry Bella wrapped shining arms around me and offered me her power. "Whatever that is I want it dead," she cried. Yes ma'am.

With a jerk, Marcus' mind connected with mine. Gracious, he was angry, even if he was currently fifty miles away. He linked with every person in his family and army and directed a blast in time with mine at the demon that began to smoke. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward huddled over a dusty tome from the library, and fed me a series of names to call out - which I did, not bothering to ask why. The monster from Chicago lifted the vampire dagger and began stabbing gleefully at the spiritual body of the fiend. The other one. Marcus attacked it seven more times to my outraged-beyond-measure five. It did the equivalent, even while screaming, of sticking its tongue out at us and leering. Arria was impressively angry and it showed. I sensed another blast - one that virtually shook the Earth come from out of nowhere. Ah, the King of the Lost Covens was now joining in on the fight. He scored a direct hit and the demon shrieked, and then turned around and wagged its hindquarters at us.

I grabbed Bella tighter against me and decided that it was time to test the limits of that whole endless source of power routine. Absorbing as much power as I possibly could, I linked with Marcus and his hopping mad army, and the King of the Lost Covens' icy mind. Leah and Seth, using the wolf link, after several tries, managed to connect with me and put their hands on my shoulders. And my, the raw ability in Seth was astounding. And what Leah lacked in ability, she more than made up for in spite.

"Do something!" Leah yelled.

"Working on it," I gritted.

When I hit upon a suggestion from Starched Shirt Edward that was almost unpronounceable, "Xitragupten," the demon began shaking like a wolf about ready to phase. Marcus repeated the word, and bellowed something in a language I did not understand. I heard this epic tearing noise, followed by a seismic blast. The fiend exploded into smithereens after another utterance from Marcus in some unpronounceable tongue and a thundering blast from all of us aimed at it. I expected the glass in the hospital to shatter and was stunned it did not, as I brushed hair from her forehead and used my power to scan her for spiritual scarring.

"What did we do?" I asked my fiend and Jugurtha.

Starched Shirt Edward paced and ranted after throwing the book onto a stacked table, "We named the demon. By calling its real name, we had the power to command it. And we need more water from the Holy Shrine of Lourdes! We must bathe our dear little one in it! Now! Oh, and she is scarily powerful when combined with Marcus' army."

"I don't remember ordering the attacking demon to do anything."

Jugurtha said, "You didn't. Marcus did." I had the best Grandfather-in-law in the world. Granted, he came from a sick and twisted family. But still. I sent the monster from Chicago back to his cell. Feeling smug, he pranced away without complaint, wagging his fingers at Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward.

"What the heck was that?" Bella wheezed from beneath me.

Tenderly, I ran my finger down her nose, "The demon that attacked Paula tried to come back for a visit." I left off the "and steal your soul forevermore," part.

"Oh."

"Are you in pain, Bella?"

"Not like that," she shuddered and moved her arms from my back. Reluctantly, I realized lying atop my bride in front of an audience when she was not being demonically attacked appeared inappropriate – especially when that audience included her raging biological Mother. I moved away so Leah and Seth could hug their sister.

Arria walked to the side of the bed and reached for my dear little one's hand. "Child, we will make your shields stronger."

But I rejoiced when Bella wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. I think she was fibbing on that pain part based on the scent of her. Begging in Quileute, I asked the powers to let me have her pain. Arria sat in the corner of the room saying nothing.

Using the wolf link, Leah snarled, _"Is that asshole coming back?"_

Seth said, _"Yeah, what's up with that, Edward?"_

_"The demon is gone forever,"_ I said.

Leah growled,_ "Can any other one come after her?"_

_"That, I do not know. I do not think so. But it cannot hurt to be careful."_

_"What about Paula?"_ Seth said.

_"We'll have to keep an eye on her, too." _I reached out with my senses to find her sleeping peacefully with the same odd black soot coating her.

Arria muttered something in a language I did not understand and a new barrier came into being. "Go to sleep. I will keep watch."

That night, Bella bonelessly slept curled in my arms. I awoke in a panic to hear her crying out in her sleep.

"Bella?" I gently shook her while rubbing her back. She came awake with a gasp and stared about the room like she wanted to reach for a weapon.

"You were dreaming." How remarkably observant of me. She sagged and then tried to pull away as I used my sleeve to wipe at her sweaty brow.

"It might help if you talk about it."

"No thank you." She crawled out of my bed back into the one she had shared with the awake and listening to every word Leah. It took an hour for Bella to fall asleep again. Rosalie had to increase the dose of sedatives. Leah held her awkwardly and patted her back. Seth made not a sound and did not sleep until his sisters did.

_"I have a favor to ask, Edward." _Leah said using the wolf link when I found her standing over me the next morning. The only reason she did not get a snarl was she handed me a cup of algae courtesy of Arria.

_"Yes?"_

_"Can you ask your family to please pretend it's not Christmas? I don't want to hear that fucking word."_

_"Consider it done."_ I sent the message to my Father, who shook his head sadly and patted Mother's hand.

Charlie actually had Christmas Day dinner catered with Father's permission, upon the condition that the word "Christmas" not be uttered. He and Paula came over, and we all ate in a makeshift table set up outside of Bella's room. To continue the "It's not really Christmas," party spirit, Charlie had ordered submarine sandwiches. And saints preserve us all, Charlie brought with him the bathed by Emmett demon-spawn dog Genghis.

The foul beast took one look at Bella, and lunged for her, barking in canine joy. He then proceeded to lick her face and drool all over her poor skin. My fingers longed to snap his neck. Genghis performed the equivalent of dog-laughing at me. This was the irony of my life. I battled ancient demons for the soul of my singer-bride, only to lose to a mere mongrel. The impudent fur-ball possessed just enough survival skills to know he could not urinate on me in the hospital. Even Arria had the good sense to limit his visit fearing that whole, "Could phase into a European whatever wolf-dog at any second problem" due to over stimulation. Drooling Dimwit.

And fine. I let the Clearwater children sleep in the room for the next week. They had needs.

One afternoon a week later, Charlie requested some private time with his daughter. Father assured him that I was drugged to the eyeballs, and would not awaken. Charlie helped his daughter adjust her blankets. Father left the room.

"Your Grandmother Genevieve had a safe deposit box that she kept letters that were supposed to be opened by you when you turned eighteen. I assume you opened them."

"Yes."

"Do you have any questions?"

"Do you know what was in the letters?"

"No, but I can guess."

Bella said nothing.

Chief Swan cleared his throat and sounded like he would rather swallow glass than speak. "When the . . . accident happened when you were a toddler, I was so panicked I begged the doctors to help you. I told them that I would do anything. You needed a blood transfusion. They took my blood samples and told me in private that I could not be your biological father. I knew my Mother had access to the records and confronted her. She admitted she had guessed that." Charlie's face reddened and he cleared his throat, tugging at his collar. "She told me that if I let Renee know that _I knew_ she had cheated on me that she could take you and we would never see you again. Bells, I don't care whose DNA is running around in your veins, you are my kid, and I love you. Now that you are eighteen, and she cannot interfere in custody, if you want to ask her who your biological father is, I won't stand in your way. I'll support you. It might help explain your health problems."

"You are my Dad. I don't need another one. If my health history mattered, Dr. Cullen would have asked you." Well that was indeed the truth.

"Losing Paula . . .that nearly killed me. Seeing you waste away these past months has scared the life out of me. I need you to promise me that you're going to keep swinging at whatever this thing is. I raised you to be a fighter." He chucked her under the chin. That earned him a glimmer of a smile.

"Ok."

He sat by her until she slept. I faked being asleep on the other side of the curtain. For such a dimwit, he could be sweet in his own stolid manner. And I really looked forward to him confronting Renee about her alleged infidelity. Seriously. That would be epic.

No matter how much thought I attempted, I could not think of a single thing to get for Bella that would not come across as some grand overstated gesture. I called the woman she had met the night of the Yorkie festival to come to the hospital and visit with my dear little demented one to teach her how to embroider. Bella seemed to enjoy the time. So I gave her the only thing I thought she desired, space and time. And every-other-day visits from Genghis who apparently could drool at record speeds, the mongrel.

Research showed petting a domesticated animal relieved stress and lowered blood pressure. And for reasons that were entirely beyond me, my mate did not beat me upside my head or shriek at me. She simply remained quiet, living in her own interior world. Every night she slept by my side, and I regularly awoke to shrieking nightmares she refused to discuss. Her necklace burned every evening. Mother, Father, and various members of the Telecles clan took turns guarding us at night along with members of the pack.

I deviated from my musings when I heard my brother's concerned voice as they talked in his office at the hospital.

Emmett said to Father, "Edward's shoulder is not healing at the rate it should. We're on our fourth course of antibiotics. Rosalie is having a conniption fit."

Father countered, "Yes, but his fever has lowered. And he has gained a pound. And the flesh is better than it was."

"I've never seen him like this. He's not the Edward I know. And he stares at Bella so much I swear I wouldn't be surprised if he starts calling her, 'My precious.' And Father, Bella, she's all but mute. Even drugged she is a mess."

"Emmett, let's take time to celebrate the victories that we have. He is back. Bella is safe and healing. Paula is alive and demon-free. We are now more powerful than ever before and the Vampire wars appear, at long last, to have ended. And your brother loves Bella and is not Gollum."

Emmett grumbled that no one else could see how bad off I was and stomped off to the comfort of his mate and children. He brought the toddlers to see Bella once Rosalie decided she was well enough to receive them. We all feared the very sight of the children would send her into fits. But she merely smiled and patted them a time or two, and then stared out the window. Her nightmares were worse that night. And the next. And the one after that as well. I developed a routine of holding her against me, immobilizing her as much as I could until I could wake her with a gentle shake.

It was a wonderful thing that Emmett and Rosalie did not need to sleep based on my at a distance observation of the newborn parents. Those terrors, I mean toddler twins, ate like gorillas, and raged at a volume consistent with that beast. Little animals. And I bit my lip to keep from shouting with glee when I heard Emmett wail, "Rosie, why does human infant feces have to smell so revolting?" The sight of his son urinating in his face, however, I dare say, was going to be enshrined in my mind forevermore. Apparently Emmett learned the hard way about cold water and male children when changing diapers. So said Mother.

Speaking of which, Rosalie had Mother set up two rooms for the children, as she insisted that they needed to learn how to sleep in their own rooms from a young age. And her choice of décor seemed insensitive. Emmett insisted that his son would not be raised in a "girly" room so Rosalie decorated it with some silly looking fake vampire called "The Count" and couldn't seem to understand why her children howled at the sight of him. So she became equally as insensitive and then put up some wall paper covered with some creature called "Cookie Monster." Perhaps I had chosen wrong when I had suggested my sister raise the twins. She appeared to be obtuse.

So she put them back in the little girl's room. Those little creatures already had my sister wrapped around their tiny fingers. She just didn't know it yet. And they had yet to be given names as Emmett and Rosalie continuously debated over the perfect appellation. Rosalie insisted there was no way on Earth she would name her male child "Butch" a name Emmett liked. And Emmett muttered under his breath that if his daughter was named "Star" then he would wonder how much she would charge by the hour in exchange for her…..ew. Jasper grew sick of their quibbling briefly consulted his wife, stalked into the room and said to the wailing children, "Evelyn Rose, hush and go to sleep. You, too, Phineus David." Both children silenced mid-howl and promptly lay down and went to sleep. Mother two rooms away cried as she heard the boy had been named after her dead son.

Jasper had not used his power on the children. "How the heck did you do that?" Emmett asked.

"I remember my nephew," Jasper admitted wistfully as he departed the room without a second glance.

Although Bella healed slowly physically, on a psychological level we all worried about her. The time that had passed had been enough for the anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication that Father had prescribed her to take effect. And her necklace blazed every night and I could tell from my nose alone that she healed physically at an accelerated rate. Father had assured me that sleeping by my side would also assist her, as it certainly had me.

But even by Bella standards, Leah and Seth complained she was too quiet. Marcus had even imported a therapist specializing in immortal affairs to talk to Bella, who had simply asked which color Dr. Jung, the original famous world-renowned Dr. Jung, wanted to be when they played chess. Despite daily appointments, and the rigorous shielding to create privacy by her irritatingly-devoted-to- irritating-me mother, Dr. Jung complained that Bella would not tell him a thing.

By day, I read quietly in the room, as I could sense her unease and did not feel the need to advertise it or to push her while she was so weak. We all took turns playing chess and checkers and dominos and a whole host of board games Mother provided. Mary Alice helped Bella with her schoolwork that she was behind on and turned it all into school. Rosalie spent hours combing her hair and painting her nails. My siblings attended school while we were hospitalized, not that I paid much attention to it. I had priorities. And Jasper kindly forged homework for me so I did not need to worry about the academic rigors of Forks High. At night, I slept with Bella, and chatted in my sleep with Hezekiah, who decided I needed to increase my training. The committee was still being annoyingly close-mouthed about my current test. They did indicate that Paula had passed hers. And I did not use the walking stick on Hezekiah. Although I was tempted.

To give me something else to do aside from sulk and fret over my wife, Father reminded me of my responsibilities to the tribe. Right. That. Jasper, Marcus, and John had been in constant communication. Marcus had set aside funds to rebuild the reservation, to the shock of the tribe. He used his own soldiers, who were trained on the job by Emmett, to complete the projects. Within three weeks, the tribe had enough houses for the members to move out of the hotels Marcus had paid for them to reside in temporarily.

Skeevy, to his family's joy, had found his mate in the Canadian school teacher Merrisol du Pre. She and I had not communicated since the night of her change, but I heard word from Father that they were blissfully gawping at one another, and that had been echoed by Marcus. I had yet to see a blissful gawp from Bella. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

Charlie stunned us all by insisting that his ex-wife not be informed that Bella was in the hospital. "Bella is over eighteen, and she does not want to speak with her, so I'm respecting that. They aren't talking right now, and Bella would be upset if Renee came and got hysterical," was his response when Father questioned why Renee was not there. "And my nerves are shot, and frankly I can't handle the dingbat."

Well, for once the man showed common sense. An examination of my wife's email account showed fifty seven unopened emails from her mother. Considering she had not even bothered to come to the Clearwaters' funerals - either one of them – I did not blame Bella for her distance from the woman. Jugurtha said, "Do you think anyone bothered to even tell her?" Good point, that.

Marcus had the entire hospital surrounded at all times by his men who were managing to adjust to modern day living. Arria kept busy during the day engaging in quelling the remnants of the rebellion – I mean diplomacy - but returned every night. I gathered from her that Marcus' infusion of troops had literally crushed all the opposition and put the fear of multiple deities into the troublesome lost covens that had revolted.

The constant company grated. I desired some privacy with my wife. "I am mated to Bella. I do not require a chaperone." I said to Arria and my Parents, while Bella snored.

"You were bit by a European werewolf Edward, until we figure out what the effects are I will never leave you alone with my daughter." Well. That made perfect sense, damn her. Aside from a fever that took three weeks to break and a raw shoulder, I did not feel any different. Nor did I have the desire to leap upon the stoic Sergei when he visited, which he did every other day with his hulking family. Rather than glare at me, they simply pretended I did not exist beyond formal greetings.

When they left after the first visit I asked, "How did you come to meet Sergei? I did not sense him living with Arria's coven."

"Liam left me a letter with directions in case of an emergency."

"What did the letter say?"

After a period of silence she muttered, "It gave me a list of names to call. The first two were dead. Sergei was the third."

"When did you call him?"

"The first time the tribe was attacked. Fifty people died." She took my queen.

"Oh." I was the sorriest bastard of them all. I lost the next five games. I had sunk to new depths of pathetic standards when my wife had to turn to her crazy dead biological father for aid due to my stupidity.

Seth was a constant fixture around the place, his sister, too. Leah had been spending every free moment she could with Bella. And something was bothering her that she needed to talk to me about but was too embarrassed to try. I had not been habituated in dealing with irrational women.

The Clearwaters had been wonderful to Bella for all those years, and I owed them for that. And on the night of the Yorkie festival, despite my best efforts, I had not been able to stop Sam. That memory plagued upon me.

Father said to my mind, _"Edward, I think that you should have a chat with Leah. Mary Alice says it would be a good idea. Why not start by asking her about her Parents' estate?" _

"Leah, I know this is awkward, but has anyone discussed your parents' estate with you?"

"No. I haven't opened any of the mail. And I think Charlie contacted the insurance companies."

Father said, _"You are well enough to leave the hospital. Make sure you are not seen."_

"Let's go find out, shall we?" Leah stepped out of the room as I found a set of clothing hanging in the bureau and changed in the restroom. We said nothing to my sleeping wife as we skulked from the room hiding from the humans, moving at supernatural speed.

Using Father's car, I drove out to her house, thinking of the last time I had been here, trying to push the thoughts from my mind. Genghis, the beast, had not been permitted in the hospital, and fretted back at the house, although he got along with the wolves. And Paula recovered slowly and was waited on by Charlie. That poor man divided every spare minute between his job and trying to care for both Bella and his fiancée. The only reason he was not spending his nights at the hospital was because my Mother had insisted that they would guard Bella and had arranged regular visiting hours during the day.

The official story was that Paula had been kidnapped and that a group of campers had found her standing over the bodies of her captors. Marcus even managed to produce a human corpse or two that appeared appropriately evil, with matching criminal records. And Rosalie, out of malice, played the one move she knew would ring all of Charlie's bells. She insisted that Father tell him that Paula had sustained a head wound, one that impaired her memory and that it would probably be best not to remind her of what she could not remember.

I stood at the Clearwaters, and noted the difference a few murders and months had made. Leah had not been kidding when she said she had not opened the mail. Who did that? She had missed, from the letter from the mortgage company, several payments and risked foreclosure. The insurance companies that Charlie had contacted were quibbling insisting that Leah had to provide extra copies of the death certificates of her parents and prove her mother had not died by suicide. I texted Jasper and asked him to please send money to purchase the title from one of my accounts. We couldn't have the Clearwaters thrown into the street. And for spite's measure, I texted Paula and asked if she felt well enough to make the lives miserable of an insurance agent or two. Three faxed letters to the house later, Paula happily went about making phone calls that ruined the days of idiots galore. She also filed a lawsuit against the companies. Marcus sent a few lawyers who were licensed to practice in the great State of Washington over to the house, the real ones without a pulse to assist, and a good time was had by all.

"Leah, we are going to have to go through these letters and files. Your Parents most likely had insurance, and you can use that money to take care of Seth." Of course, I was lying, sort of, through my teeth. I would make sure that they never had a want. But it was important to give Leah a sense of obligation to her brother.

"I know. But when I look at it, I just . . ."

"I'll help."

"Why would you bother?"

Since saying, _"Having you on my side ensures that my bride might one day speak to me," _wasn't prudent, nor was, _"I think you are immature, but I liked your parents, and I'm hoping heredity wins and you develop a personality,"_ I chose another form. The truth.

"My Parents died. Carlisle took me in. I know what it feels like to lose Parents suddenly. And I was too distraught – I was younger than you – to handle the estate."

"So what happened?"

"Carlisle took care of everything. My family died by plague, yours by violence. I know the situations are different, but I remember how frightened I felt."

Leah's eyes welled up with tears, and she sniffled and stared at the ground, angry for crying in front of a leech like me. Oops, she remembered that I could read her mind, and that totally was not fair.

I said nothing, and decided to pretend she wasn't being rude. I could not help my gifts. It was not like I intended to listen in on her thoughts. Fine, I totally did. But it was for moral purposes. And saving my own worthless hide, which was a two-for-one advantage. Jugurtha agreed with a nod

"I had a dream about your Mother."

"What?" Leah stared at me like I had sprung demon's horns from my chin.

"She told me she had a message for you."

Leah shifted from foot to foot. "Well, out with it."

"She said you had to give the gifts. All of them. Does that mean anything to you?"

Tears ran down her face. Oh dear, I had made her weep again. I hated human tears. "Yeah. Mom bought Christmas gifts early every year and would store them in the attic. I couldn't bear to take them down."

"I'll see to it."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "It is for a worthy cause you endure her presence. We are being a martyr."

"We aren't dying for our faith."

"Well, we are being a kind of martyr, offering up a sacrifice for the greater good."

"Leah, do you know what the advantage is of being a wolf?"

"None that I've discovered." She did not want to admit she enjoyed killing my kind.

"You get incredible speed. Why not practice it?" We sat at the dinner table that was covered with heaps of letters. It took over an hour at wolfpyre speed to examine the documents and sort them into piles. And my goodness, humans mailed each other a lot of useless pieces of papers. I did not want a credit card at that virtual bank-robbery interest rate, nor would Leah or Seth. So I destroyed every last one of those vile offers. Nor did Leah need a new magazine subscription to _Cooking Light, Men's Health_, or _Architectural Digest_. She did not know how to cook and had no interest in it. I'd have to ensure she didn't starve. Because what she had been living off of, ew, even I would not eat those animals. She was going to have to develop a more refined taste. I couldn't have her shaming the family.

"Leah, for Seth's sake because he is still growing, you must provide food for him."

"I fuuu…..I hate cooking," sprinted from her almost foul mouth. She reddened under my gaze.

I was going to reward her attempt at cleaning up her language by pretending I never heard that bad part.

"Then it only makes sense for you to eat with us."

"You all don't eat."

"Yes, actually, we do. We eat with Bella to encourage her to eat."

"I can understand eating at the holiday – you couldn't get out of that. But that means you barf it back up again, right?"

I said nothing.

"Gross! You must really care about her if you're willing to puke every day just to make her eat." Leah sounded bemused. "Your _whole_ family?" she eyed me suspiciously.

"Word of honor. They take turns. It's hardest on Jasper." Leah liked the mental image of seeing Jasper suffer seeing as he seemed impervious to everything else.

"I can't move out of my house."

"I am not asking you to."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to eat three meals with my family every day. And Leah, you are not going to give up on attending college."

"Seth needs me and the tribe is under attack."

"You hate being a wolf." She especially hated that she had grown over a foot and her frame had become so broad she had to purchase new pants. What was it with women and their weight?

"So? I have to do this for the tribe. My father was chief, and I'm next in line."

"Not every chief has had the wolf gene. So, we'll have you take online courses starting in January. Once this is taken care of you can start summer school."

"Could you study while fighting a war? Never mind, you totally would."

"You will not know until you try, and it might make you feel better?"

"Hours of studying will cure me of what?" She snorted.

"Your life in a way will go on like your parents wanted." I didn't mind pushing that particular button. If she was off at college, she could not pester Bella as much.

"Now what was it you wanted to ask me?"

She said, "I can't get a straight answer from Paula, and there aren't any other female wolves alive. I heard you are a doctor."

"That is correct."

"Rosalie told me. Seth said you had all of the tribal memories stuffed in your head. I need you to answer a question. I think you are the only person who can."

"I'll try."

She whispered shame-faced, "Am I pregnant?"

"Heavens, no!" I blurted.

"How would you know?"

"I could smell the change in your blood."

"I did not change like the other wolves. They all grew first. I did not. When I first phased and ran off, I woke up in agony and did not remember periods of time. It happened more than once. A few months back, my periods stopped. I did not remember what I did. And none of the other wolves had been around to tell me. Except Sam. And he and I don't really talk."

"You are taking birth control tablets by the smell of you."

"Yes."

"Then you should not have a problem." I did not bother to ask if she was sexually active. I knew the answer to that. Leah was so bitter that no one was interested in sleeping with her. Sam was so guilt-ridden after what he had done, combined with the death of her Parents, he blamed himself for everything. Rosalie had insisted he be treated for depression and medicated as well. And Dr. Jung actually did have a client that spoke to him. It just wasn't my wife. Rosalie had cornered Leah and had her on medication as well. And it seemed to be working for all concerned, although Leah adamantly refused therapy.

She appeared relieved. "Thank God I'm not pregnant. I could not handle it."

I reached into her mind, holding my hand out to hers and asked Grace what had happened during those times. Grace showed Leah that she had basically done the same thing every single time she had phased – gone hunting and killed rodents. And that Sam had kept his distance but had followed her. He had left a set of his clothes nearby when she phased back into human form out of kindness so she would not have to go traipsing back home naked. That explained why she was worried she had done something untoward.

"What the heck has Sam been doing?"

I peered into the pack mind and pulled out Sam's memories. "He's been guarding you. And he's been trying to respect your space, Leah, and protect you from embarrassment. He's been worried because the European werewolves always went after the females in the pack first when your tribe fought. He did not want you to die."

"Hmm," that totally went over her head. She exhaled in relief. Minutes later, Leah nodded off. I saw on the corner of Harry's desk, the notebook that Leah had clutched in my vision of that ghastly day. It appeared ruined, although the pages were intact, they were crumpled from water damage.

It sang to me with a siren call, and I never thought twice about resisting. I went out to the car. It had a bag of school supplies Mother had purchased for Bella. She had not experienced any difficulties since I knew Bella's favorite color, and she always used the same brand, it was excellent planning on my Mother's part that I had an identical notebook. Bella would never need to be bothered. I even had the same color of pen she used, since she bought common ones.

I sat at Harry's desk, careful to leave sleeping dogs….never mind. Leah had left a window open despite the chill because she said she was always hot.

Forging Bella's handwriting was not particularly challenging. And she had fretted that hers was sloppy, and gracious, she was right in that evaluation. I can safely say that any human would have a difficult time trying to mimic her untidy scrawl. What struck me as unusual was how it varied from near impossible to read to being curvy, slanted, and precise. Oh, I flipped a page, of course that made sense. Bella rewrote her notes. Why would she do that when she could type them faster than she could write? We'd have to discuss her study habits.

By Jupiter's wrath, either her notes were shoddy at times or the teacher plain awful, perhaps a combination of both. I had never seen my dear little one engage in scholarship of this nature. A search of her records indicated, much to Starched Shirt Edward's distress, that her grades had slipped from straight A's to B's and C's. Thank God I had returned. This was intolerable. I would have to help her study. It's not like I hadn't been to high school a time or ten. It only took me ten minutes to write out her notes. There. That should improve her life. She would not have to suffer the loss of them. And it had been a remarkable feat of self-control that I had not added to them in her handwriting and corrected the gaps. I had several degrees in history. But it would frighten her to read words she did not recall writing, and we couldn't have that.

Jugurtha said, "You need the check the rest of the notebook."

"Why? I am current with the dates."

"Bella liked to practice writing her notes."

"Yes, I can see that, I have copied her work twice over in two different handwriting styles."

"That's not what I mean. She did not like her handwriting, so she would write a draft out first before she sent a letter to someone. I saw her practicing a few times when she was with us."

Oh. Right. Why did he know that and I did not?

I flipped back and found nothing but blank pages, with running ink.

Seventeen pages later, I found a letter:

_I, Isabella Marie Swan, being of sound body and mind do hereby bequeath all my possessions to my brother Seth Clearwater. The contents of the safety deposit under my Great Uncle's name at the First Bank, I leave to Leah Clearwater, the sister of my heart. _

_Should I die by Victoria's hands I am looking to the two of you along with Sergei and his family to ensure I remain that way. I have no desire to join the vampire's ranks. I know, despite everything, that I can count on you to see this through. Growing up with parents who treated me as an afterthought never really bothered me because I had my Grandmother, Grandfather, and Great Uncle Liam as well as your family. After I lost my Grandparents and Liam, you were the only ones who ever sincerely treated me like I mattered - the only ones that really meant it with their words and deeds. I wanted to thank you all, even though I wasn't really one of you, for treating me like I belonged for as long as you did. _

_Leah, no man is worth that much suffering. You have to recover and be strong and get on with your life because hanging onto your rage would kill your parents all over again. You've pushed everyone you loved away, even Seth, who needs you most. I write this knowing that I'm going to die, most likely painfully and alone. But I am choosing that death. And to have to make that decision is a pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy. If you don't stop from taking the path you currently walk, you'll join me. _

_Please don't make my sacrifice meaningless. I'm making it in your and Seth's name. _

_Please look after Charlie. I have set aside an account at the First Bank that should care for him and any medical bills he might have for life. I have also left an account to aid Sergei and his wife and children. _

_I no longer believe in heaven. Please be strong and happy and live your life knowing that somewhere out there I am looking at you. Give me reasons to smile._

_Should you recover my body, I would like to be buried in a plot that I purchased next to my Grandparents and Great Uncle, and I have set aside funds so that no one will bear a financial burden with Forks' Funeral Home. And if I may, I would like my headstone to be exactly like theirs. And I don't want a funeral. I just want you and Seth to live and be happy and know that I love you both with all of my heart. Your sister, Swan. _

She made no mention of Renee in that letter. That haunted me.

I could do this. I was strong. They were only words. Watching Bella die had been the most pain I had ever experienced. Incalculable. My hand shook on the "I have no desire to join their ranks," and I had to stop for half an hour to be able to compose the section where she talked about dying alone. Word by horrible word, I constructed the letter that exenterated my soul and fed upon its scraps. I felt so smacked sideways by Fate, that I literally had no tears to cry even though my heart beat, reminding me of the humanity I could never attain. So Starched Shirt Edward did it for me.

Starched Shirt Edward cried so hard, Jugurtha had to help him to a chair in the library at a table stacked with volumes of Aquinas. He flung his arms out and sent the books to the four corners of the room. And then he simply put his face on the desk, covered his head, and wept the tears I could not as Jugurtha sat by his side.

I remember in my mortal life when children misbehaved our teachers if they did not beat them, forced them to write sentences repeatedly. I had never been punished so. But this, designed by Lady Fate, this was the essence of cruelty. I wrote those words to the sight of her leaping and the score of my scornful words that I had heaped upon her the day I had broke her heart and faith.

I felt something on my shoulder and found Douglas there. He used his tail to dab at the tears that I discovered pouring down my face. Sympathetically, he cheeped at me to keep my chin up, and the sooner I completed this, the sooner I could return to my mate. And he was totally right, as usual.

Grace crooned at me and patted my back and stroked my hair, fussing at me like a Mother. She peered over my shoulder and asked me, _"Why you away sweet girl?"_

_"Sweet girl's sister needs help. I will return to sweet girl soon."_

Bella forgave Leah. I think. She told her she loved her. You did not do that to people you did not forgive, right? I noticed that she did not include her Mother in the list of people she loved. But Renee Dwyer had lied to Bella for over a decade. I had merely pretended to love her while really loving her all along, which technically didn't make it lying for a few months. If Bella forgave Leah, she'd forgive me. She had already _said_ she forgave me. And Bella never lied. Except for that whole pretending to be ignorant of my immortal status for months.

I did not require the pointed finger of Starched Shirt Edward to remind me that I was the most miserable wretch on the planet for causing such distress to a delicate female – and one we cherished. I accepted that this crown of nails and thorns was mine to bear. I had done this to her. So I had to find a way to make it right. If only I knew how.

Once we had found a car crash while hunting. One of the victims had stunned us by sticking his fist into a burning car. Father, while treating him had asked why he had burned himself. The man answered, "Because I needed something worse to make the pain go away." I had thought at the time, pondering the agony of my transformation that the dying man had not been as mad as everyone else had thought him. His words came back to shadow me. I would have given just about anything to make the pain go away, but refused. This was my mess to repair. So said Genevieve. I turned the pages of the original notebook when I completed the feat that would have made Hercules flee in terror. And much to my surprise, even though I thought nothing could ever stun me again, Bella proved me wrong.

I found another missive, this one in Russian.

_"Sergei, Billy Black is pressuring Jacob to marry me. He wants Liam's land. He told me if I loved my family, that I would join his. I could not bear it if any harm came to Sue, Leah, and Seth. Especially since Harry's death was my fault." _

"It's an awful feeling." I heard Leah's voice from the couch. Somehow I had not noticed her waking up. Way to go being sneaky. I'd have to work on skulking while being emotionally devastated. Heartbreak was no excuse for sloppy defensive measures. Grace crooned to me that she had been watching.

Leah started towards Douglas about ready to phase, lunch on her mind. I held out a palm, blasted her with power, and said, "That squirrel is not for snacking." Douglas waved a paw at her.

"You're cuddling with rodents now?"

"He's not a rodent. He's a _mammal_, and he is friends with Bella and me."

"Fine. Squeaky gets to live another day. What are you doing?" Leah asked. "And I didn't think you kind could cry." She had the sensitivity of a lumbering boar.

"They can't. I can because of the Quileute gifts, I think. And his name is Douglas."

"Bummer. So what are you doing?"

"I did not want Bella to see her notebook and remember that day. I wanted her to have her notes. I copied them."

She peered over my shoulder as Douglas leapt to the other one, "Damn. You have her handwriting down. Even the sloppy version." I thanked Douglas for his time and suggested he use the open window to make his escape before Leah forgot her manners as her stomach growled.

"How did you acquire the notebook?"

I entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. It had a container of spoiled milk, three wilted carrots, and some green matter that I think long ago had been lettuce. Eight months ago it had been groaning with the strain of the food that Sue had stuffed into it. I turned to the pantry without comment and found nothing on the shelves. Dust coated every surface within sight. Leah's chin jutted out daring me to comment.

"After the funeral, I went back to the house, and Seth and I fought. He left to go to the reservation, when Jacob Black knocked on the door. About ten minutes later, one of her guards showed up and said that she was loaning me her notes from history class. I knew the excuse was bullshit. I shut the door on him and started reading. Then I found . . . that." Leah's face drowned in guilt. "I knew where she would go to do it. We had made sick jokes when we were kids about being so embarrassed we would take a header off the cliff at her place. Liam had overheard us once and had almost yelled at us," she snorted, "the man never spoke, but on that day his eyes got all wide when he heard us."

"What did he say?" I reached into my pocket and extended a packet of almonds to Leah.

"What is this?" She blinked at the package.

"A snack."

"Oh. Thanks."

"So what did Liam have to say," I prompted her again as she devoured the package. I handed her another.

"He said the currents were so bad at the base of the cliff that we would not live long and insisted we never try jumping. I found that letter and grabbed the notebook and ran as fast as I could." She stopped and we sat there for minutes in the eerie quiet filled with equal shares regret and loathing. I didn't need to have Jasper's gift to discern that. "Then I saw her jump, and I screamed and I phased for the first time in my life. And nothing I did mattered as I saw her die."

I could not think of anything eloquent to say. Frankly, I could not think at all. Leah went to the fireplace and started a fire. The house had adequate heating, but who was I to question her? It was not like she could stuff me in there. Her current thoughts were not of murder.

She held out a palm, "Give it to me."

With a hand I forced not to shake, I gave her the original notebook. Casually, she tossed it into the fire. We both watched it burn. She pulled out the metal spiral with a pair of tongs and left it to cool on the hearth. Both of us avoided looking at the new version of the notebook.

"Edward, what language was the other letter in? Her handwriting was so awful I couldn't tell if it was one of her codes."

"Russian. And what codes?"

"She doesn't speak Russian. Just Spanish. And she reads Latin. And Liam taught her all sorts of codes. She used to practice them for hours."

"I see." Why would that mad sludge scientist be teaching my wife codes? "Apparently she writes Russian."

"Fluently?"

I shrugged, "Hard to say. I only saw one paragraph."

"What did it say?" I was not mentioning her father for anything in the world.

"She addressed Sergei, and told him that Billy Black was pressuring Jacob to marry her to get his hands on Liam's land." That was true.

"I remember hearing a rumor that Jake planned on proposing, but none of us believed it. He doesn't even like her. Why would he marry her? That stupid legend?"

"Right. Billy believed in it. He raised Jacob from birth to believe that he would marry Bella."

"Freak."

"No doubt."

"Well, Jake doesn't have to worry about that any more. Billy died months ago. And I'd know if Jake was thinking about marrying her now seeing as he can't hide his thoughts from the pack. And he's not – he's worried about Paula, and about Bella a bit, but not like someone who loves her. He's more worried about Charlie."

I did not feel like informing her that due to my shaman status, I could frolic through the wolf pack at my will and that she told me nothing that I did not already know. But really. She had just made my day. Fate had handed me a bright spot of cheer. "How did Billy pass?" Painfully, I hoped. I hadn't picked that up from anyone's thoughts. But then again, Billy had been so detested towards the end that totally made sense. But for his own son not to ponder his passing? That was his just dessert.

"People were really vague about it, which meant it must have been horrible," Leah sniffed and shook her right hand as if waving away an annoying fly. "Something about a machinery accident at his garbage plant that required a closed casket funeral."

"My." That sounded better than, "I wanted to kill the bastard."

"What else did the note say?" she asked.

I had to give her credit, when she actually used her brain, Leah could be clever. "Leah, would you believe me if I said you really don't want to know? And that it had nothing to do with you?"

"Yeah. I would."

We turned back to the table and the pile of letters.

"I'm totally burning that junk mail." She tossed it into the fire.

I snatched the fake credit cards from her hand. "The fumes from that would harm your lungs. The rest is fine to burn."

"You don't like me."

"Leah, I did not know you. I did not like that you disapproved of me dating Bella. Mind reader, remember?" She stared me up and down in a most inappropriate manner like one would examine horseflesh.

"I always thought she needed someone who would make her talk. I was raised to fear your kind, so letting go of that has been hard. And the two of you, if you had kids, would probably have mute ones. Smart ones," she teased, "Maybe I was wrong in thinking that she deserves better. But the same could be said about me."

"Why?"

"I acted like a complete bitch to her at my Mom's funeral."

"She forgave you for that."

Quietly, Leah confessed, "I stole something from her. I can't figure out how to give it back."

"What did you take?"

She walked over to a bookshelf and opened up a volume on the top shelf – one well above Bella's reach. She returned with a letter and handed it to me. It had been opened. "Your sister left this for her and I read a few lines and then got mad and hid it. I was so embarrassed when I told Bella, that I kind of made her think I'd shredded it."

I worked assiduously to control my blood pressure. I hadn't been screening her thoughts at the time of her conversation as I had been trying to give them privacy. I would not be making that mistake again. "Why?"

"Because I was afraid. I was afraid she would get hurt. And I just needed Bella. And I know it was wrong. I don't know how to fix it."

"I think you should talk to Mary Alice."

"So she can jump me? No thanks."

"She can read the future."

"Oh."

"So she can tell you what to do. But I do understand. Bella does deserve better than me. She deserves so much more."

"Doofus, do you love her?"

From her perspective my nostrils flared, and my cheeks turned into twin flags of scarlet. I could not believe she asked me such an intrusive question. And my name was Edward.

Leah put her fists on her hips and glared down at me, "Don't get all huffy on me, asshole. Either you love her or you don't. Spill." Then she crossed her arms against her chest and glared. At me. I tried to ignore that her bicep was larger than mine. And I had not been named after an anal orifice.

Jugurtha said, "Her mind is a treasure trove of information on our dear little one. You cannot afford to alienate her. And it would be good I think for Bella to see that Mary Alice did not abandon her. So you need to convince Leah to give her the letter."

I did not feel right saying, "I want to tell my wife that I really do love her before I tell anyone else." Instead, I nodded awkwardly and some sort of strangled noise emerged from my throat. And I did not have to fake that whole nervous appearance business, as I yanked my wandering fingers out of my hair.

For a moment, she sounded a decade or two older, "Men! Edward, you have to _say_ that once in a while. Chicks dig like stuff like that."

When last I checked, I was not married to a chicken, much less a juvenile one. Squirming, I stilled, "I'll try to do better." I did not have to fake those sentiments.

"See that you do."

"Leah, bring the letter when we go back to the hospital. We'll claim we found it when going through the mail."

"That's sort of the truth." She tucked it in her coat pocket. I made a mental note that she needed an entirely new wardrobe. She was wearing a set of her late Father's pants held up by suspenders, and a plaid shirt that had seen better days underneath one of Harry's coats.

"Works for me."

All of a sudden I jerked to attention. Grace had called out to me.

"What is it?" Leah said to my ashen features.

She touched my shoulder and reached out with the wolf-link. So I decided, just this once, to share. With her, John, and Father and Marcus. Emmett, Rosalie, Mary Alice, Mother, and Arria, too.

Jasper, he of the fearsome temper and dark moods, had gone hunting alone.

And someone apparently had found him. Someone who twirled a vampire blade with agile fingers.

A man dressed in dark clothing approached. But not just any man. Aaron.

Jasper's childhood best friend. The one who had served under him during the Civil War.

Aaron, the man that Jasper had saved for last when he had butchered his own troops as a newborn, on a hot summer day in Texas. Aaron, the man Jasper had accidentally turned while his friend had begged for his life. Aaron, the man Jasper had flung to the ground to lie twitching in the same place where he himself had turned, to be feasted upon by Maria's minions to help him along with his change.

Aaron, his brother-in-law twice over, Annie-Victoria, Jasper's childhood sweetheart, had been Aaron's sister. And Aaron had married and sired a son with Jasper's younger sister Susan.

Aaron, the newborn vampire who had invaded the welcoming arms of Jasper's childhood home and had murdered every last member of his family – including his own wife and child. Aaron who had then stood and watched the house burn to ashes without interfering. Aaron who had not lifted a finger when his own wife in the process of turning had taken their son out tossed him to others and had walked back into the house and burned to ash. Thanks to Genevieve, Jasper had every memory inscribed in his psyche for life, scarred to the soul.

Aaron who had not so much as uttered a syllable when the crowd had unwrapped the smoldering blanket to find the body of his toddler son with his throat torn out and crushed.

Aaron, who flitted through the forest twirling steel in his hand as rapidly, he approached my brother from behind.

That Aaron.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: **

**The Telecles and Cullen covens band together to rid Paula of that pestilence problem. Apparently, it's catching. Edward shows that no one messes with his bitch. I mean his woman. Marcus seconds that motion. The King of the Lost Covens, too. A tense holiday is had by all, as both Edward and Bella slowly recover. **

**Edward is kicked out of the hospital and encouraged to help the Clearwaters. He and Leah come to a meeting of the minds. Leah informs him that ding dong the dick is dead – Billy Black having mysteriously up and died. And Edward finds a letter from Bella that crushes his soul. Leah has some girl-type questions to ask the hapless Edward. And Jasper meets up with an old friend.**

**Quick note on Bella: **

** I had a huge problem how in NM, SM went out of her way to characterize Bella as so deeply traumatized and mentally ill, and had her instantly cured when Edward came back on the page. In this chapter, Bella is doped up to her eyeballs on both anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. The anti-anxiety medication, in particular, makes her sleepy. And Carlisle is using massive doses of his gift on her to the point she's in a stupor. She won't be that way for long. I had over a month pass in this chapter to "show" her healing physically, but also to show that Bella although she's made some progress has a ways to go on the emotional level because she won't open up. She's not being silent to punish anyone, or sulk. She simply is incapable of processing much of what is going on around her and can only handle reality in small doses. She also has difficulty making decisions and concentrating. You'll see her coming out of that next chapter. The National Institute of Mental Health says each year 14.8 million Americans suffer from depression and 7.7 suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. **

http://www (dot) nimh (dot) nih (dot) gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index (dot) shtml

**For more on depression please see the Mayo Clinic: ****http://www (dot) mayoclinic (dot) com/health/depression/ds00175/dsection=symptoms**

* * *

**Much, much more Edward and Bella coming up in the next chapter. They're going back to school. Oh my!**

**Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the JerkWard Returns"**

**Please review, Starched Shirt Edward and Douglas need some love. Not that kind of love. Fine. Any kind of love will do. **

**http://i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/HowlingattheMoon (dot) jpg**

**References:**

**Are posted on my profile. Lots of them. **


	58. HOD pt 47 But Forgiveness is Divine

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Seven – But Forgiveness is Divine**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.**

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills.**

**Thanks as well to Katinki and pomme_de_terre for their assistance.**

*****This chapter contains violent content. And excessive snark. You have been warned.*****

**Happy Birthday to LJ Summers and to Mizra!**

**Thanks to every one for reviewing! Thanks to all for reading. It still blows my mind. Really. Not that way. But still.**

**Shout outs to my muses: AliciaZA, writz, dellatwi, prettyflour, TwilightMomofTwo, Dawn Stimson, CindyWindy, jmolly, Forest Sentry Koneji, RosalieSmiled, sonecrackle, Viridis73, solenoidbelle, mamato, obsessedwithedwardandbella, avidreader69, PJAustin, Mutt N. Feathers, favludo, Fitten, Lady Dragona, Codelina, Angelbach, Ori1, Ksangi, twaddles, Robs_Muse, Summerc79, Merrisol, jenejes, kickedbckntn, pomme_de_terre, fanficreader83, Rogue, JaJiTaXx, Disney Vampire, Sariedee, redsoxlove, schleprock, krjemb, notmyself, jenejes, TraceyJ, Lost Star, elphabacy35, jenn9394, kimboacp, MsLessa, SexySadie13, Miss Poison, ellenah, Silly Sad Sarah Twilighted, June, Cullen Pearl, Nyaris, Mizra, fleuritup, and Rgwmnks.**

This is the Whitlock coat of arms. I did not make this up. Swear:

http:/whitlock (dot) castlewebs (dot) net/whitsend/images/arms1 (dot) jpg

Songs for this chapter:

By Your Side – Lifehouse

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=O0729fcEsEk&feature=related

Everything – Lifehouse - http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=fjDojEOiMcE&feature=related

30 Seconds to Mars covering Bad Romance Live on the BBC – http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=x7spoPjx7hs&feature=related

30 Seconds to Marks Kings and Queens

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=GjJmYnTxT3w

**Snarky Summary: So Edward, thanks to these wolf powers has expanded abilities that he's been hiding from his family for oh, forever. He reads minds far beyond the range and in much better detail than they believe he can. Edward can emotionally block Jasper, and his gift interferes with Alice's ability to predict the future. Asshole. Edward insists this is perfectly reasonable behavior because he needs to monitor his family so that when they decide to kick him out he can be prepared. Which totally makes sense to him. So essentially, he's been supernaturally stalking his family for decades and switched his focus to Bella. But still. He's a giver, our Edward. He's currently in a tizzy because he is undergoing some kind of a spiritual purity test thanks to that damned Geezerette Sacagawea. Like a typical female, he has no clue what she wants from him, and she is, of course, not talking to him because he dared to ask. Women!**

**Last chapter we saw Carlisle "Pimp Daddy" sweet talk Bella into crawling into bed with his dying-in-more-ways-than-one son. For moral purposes. Of course. It should be noted that Bella is not really in the best shape to make decisions on simple things like matching socks, much less what to do with his über-hawtness Edward Cullen - GooberWard extraordinaire - so named by the lovely ladies on the thread at Twilighted. (Serious non-snarky moment: A key problem with people suffering from depression is that concentrating is difficult, and making even simple decisions can seem almost impossible. And did I mention Carlisle has Bella highly medicated on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants? And he's also pulled out all the stops on his gift to make her feel safe and secure by blasting her in waves?) In the month and a half that passed in the last chapter we saw Edward and the Telecles clan helped with that what prettyflour calls Paula's "STD problem" – Spiritually Transmitted Demon. Lordy, we saw that Bella when properly motivated, is kinda scary and demanding when she wants her way in bed. And we saw that while Bella healed physically, words seemed to stay put in that lovely little mouth of hers. Silent as the grave, that one.**

**On my evil author's honor, I want to assure you that she's not keeping quiet to punish anyone. Nor is she singling Edward out for a frigid in more ways than one freeze-out attempt. Bella just does not feel like talking. To anyone. At all. We did learn; after all, last chapter that she's really, really good at holding her tongue -for decades if need be. And Edward thinks that's got to be all kinds of wrong. Because him sleeping with her in the non-sexual sense, of course, I mean - being by her side during her (and his) hour of need should heal her. Right? Right? Moron. And he's getting irritated because he literally cannot have a private moment with his mate – seeing as he was bit by some Eurotrash werewolf – and all the Quileute wolves (save Paula) that were bitten became yowling like drunken cats crazy. Or definitely dead. And quality-pressed-against-the-flesh time with his singer was difficult enough to procure while his immortal Parents acted as chaperones. But now, with Arria lurking in the room - or one of her family? It's beginning to grate on his last nerve. He has needs. He and his mate need to bond. Not that way. He's a doctor. Twice. Professional. Well fine that way. Just not now - due to that possibly killing her accidentally due to venom overcharge dealio. Besides, he's a sensitive guy and completely understands and respects that his little bottle cap is most likely not in the mood. She has a headache. Really. No lie. And she's feeling poorly. He's a prince.**

**Did you ever wonder why someone as twisted as Genevieve – the woman who so wronged her only son (Gee, Thanks, Ma) – would bother to give a rat's ass about Jasper's welfare? Or his antediluvian family's dirty laundry? Or HIS dirty laundry for that matter? It's not like Jasper was meant for Bella, right? (You're supposed to say, "Right!" at that point. No Bella/Jasper action in this tale.) So Jasper, he's been smacked around a bit by Fate in this story. He learns through visions first hand that he had kind of sort of forgotten – pfft - the fine details about his turning and a bit about his newborn years. Genevieve was oh-so-helpful in seeing that Mary Alice, Jasper, and Edward all had a threesome from Hell, non-sexually speaking thank God (Bella was in the room, after all) in reliving the part where Jasper woke up from his transformation with a hearty appetite and murdered all the men under his command and his childhood best friend Aaron accidentally on purpose in HOD pt 9 Legacy.**

**Sure Genevieve apologized. She said while using Bella as a sock-puppet that Jasper "needed to remember." So to help him out cause she's totally cool that way, Genevieve let Jasper have another vision in which he got to stand outside of his family house and watch his brother-in-law zombie through the door and hear (but not see) him greet everyone with open arms. And teeth. And you might recall, Bella had an intense and vivid-as-it-can-get nightmare of a woman walking out of a burning house who carried a bundle and tossed it to a group of people who were fighting the fire before turning around and walking back into the flames of her own free will. The dream ended showing Aaron surrounded by a crowd of Maria's minions and her immortal child "little" brother while Aaron stood there passive as his family turned to ash before his bright red blank eyes. There will be a quiz after this chapter. And gold stars awarded to those of you who remember which chapters contained those scenes. Cause I don't remember. Kidding.**

**In the last chapter, we learned the bundle tossed from the burning house to the humans was that of a dead toddler: Jasper's only and named after him nephew. And you might also recall that Edward had a vision of how Victoria-Annie awoke to find Maria and her immortal child "brother" standing over her all kinds of curious about who she was. Annie Whitlock wanted her husband and she wanted him now. Maria said, "Not to worry, work for me for a spell, and I'll help you find your man, and by the way, we need to get you a new name. How bout Victoria? It's queenly, regal. Like you. I insist. Here, have a snack" *points to cowering parents and sisters* Maria neglected to mention that she'd be doing Jasper every which way she could have him and his sparkly peen for a few decades while she sent Annie-Victoria scurrying around the country pining and looking in vain for her husband that she knew, just knew had survived to an undead life. But still. Maria can't help it if she doesn't like to share other women's husbands. *shrugs* Finders Keepers Biotch. Sex with Jasper was totally worth it. Fine, I admit it, Maria's evil motivation is that she hasn't had a Jasper-induced orgasm since the 1950's and she's tired of being sparklycockblocked. Hence, world domination. It's her way of foreplay.**

**Also, that last vision that Edward experienced with a hundred thousand of his closest immortal friends showed Maria finding out about Jasper's little impromptu bonfire at the sight of his family's mass grave fifty years ago. She decided she'd let him sulk before coming after him to teach him a lesson. And her oh so helpful seer drew a picture of Alice and informed Maria that the woman in the drawing was Jasper's mate. Curiouser and Curiouser. Maria positively can and did wait to meet her. She has things to do, world domination to plan. And now she needs Jasper and Alice to do it. She also seems to think that those two will help her be able to find the lost legions – the ones that Marcus just raised from the undead. And ain't it curious that someone *cough Maria cough* seems to think that leaving corpses of women all over the country that resemble the Cullens and Denalis will clue Jasper in that ET needs to phone home?**

**With visions of vengeance he's shielded from all, Jasper has gone all quiet and stealthy to the point where he's managed to freak out even Aro – who would like me to tell you that he put the F in the word Freak. Superfreak by Rick James – that was done in his honor. And here Jasper has to go sneaking off into the forest for a private family reunion. Doesn't he know we like to watch? And he's going to be so busted when he gets home cause he neglected to tell wifey-poo. The other one. The undead one – The one who failed to see this one coming and is mad as a wet hen at present. Yeah, that one.**

**Edward, in a fit of insanity motivated by trying to show his unspoken devotion to Bella, took Leah to her family's home to help her sort through her Parents' estate. They bonded a bit. Not that way. Ew. And boy, did Edward learn the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished. He found a note from Bella that kinda sorta hurt his tender feelings. That Bella might not talk much, but yowza, she wields a pointed pen. And she's really decidedly sure that she does not want to be caught dead or undead being a vampire now. He's just finished reeling from that knowledge when the vision of Jasper tiptoeing through the trees in the Olympic National Forest hits. Edward feels the need to share the sight of Aaron and Jasper with a few of his family, Leah, Arria, Marcus, and John. The first scene of this chapter sheds light on that whole Jasper/Aaron/Victoria/Maria problem before we move on to Edward and Bella who are going back to school. And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

As the silver blade spun through the snow-filled air, I noticed the workmanship. Having fenced all of my mortal life, I had seen an abundance of swords, foils, and daggers. The intricate designs that the We're Not Really From Vancouver shard of the Telecles coven had crafted in their weaponry had been captivating. Apparently, it was important that their enemies be bedazzled by beauty when they were dying in droves. This particular blade stood out from others by its simplicity, its almost complete lack of ornamentation. No one from the Telecles clan would be caught undead wielding it – except perhaps Marcus. Yet the purity of the design showed in the effortless manner that it glided from Aaron's fingers towards Jasper's back.

And really, I could not sit back and watch my younger brother be knifed by his childhood ex-best friend. As the eldest of Carlisle's children, I had responsibilities. Jasper currently stood over sixty miles away. Why couldn't my brother pick a more convenient location to be ambushed by a deadly, and, might I add, poorly-shod foe?

Yet I could not sit back and watch my brother die. It would be rude, although it would end that whole question-and-answer business-about-secrets-I-had-no-intention-of-ever-telling even to someone as fearsome as him. But still. With the return of my human memories, I now knew that I loved Jasper like the brother I had never had growing up as a mortal. So I had to save him. Besides, he was my brother. I had only one other left. And Emmett, bless his heart, was obnoxious and inconveniently perspicacious. I needed Jasper to keep him at bay. Practicality said so. Mary Alice would not survive the loss of her mate. And our Parents could not lose another child. So this decision was simple. And gracious, that knife was flying through the air towards his shoulder blades awfully fast. My time was running away on Mercury's shoes.

"Wait!" Jugurtha waved his arms as I prepared to borrow a Quileute spirit or nine. He suggested, "Cut everyone off from the feed except Marcus, and apologize to the others. Tell them you have a headache and make sure you sound weak when you are speaking. And remember to appear so in front of Leah to shore up your story."

As a general rule, I did not like lying to my family when simply keeping my mouth shut was so much more efficient, but I figured I would sacrifice my honor to do it just this ten thousandth time. Faking the weak part was not necessary, as my head pounded and knees wobbled. I did as Jugurtha requested.

Leah pushed me into a dusty couch as her voice shrilled, "Sit down before you fall. Edward, you look like shit. Yeesh, I didn't think your kind could get that pale. I'm calling your Dad." She ranted, "What the Hell does your brother Mr. Bad Ass, think he's doing?" Too busy focusing on Jasper's possible plight, I paid her little attention. I heard her fiddling with her phone and tuned her out as she used the wolf link to plead to John to send some shapeshifters in the general direction of Jasper to stink up the place. And I neglected to inform her that Jasper's surname was not named after anal orifices.

Freakishly agile, Jasper contorted his trunk in some bizarre even-by-immortal-standards-manner that appeared like he played the game limbo without the benefit of the horizontal stick, and rhythmic music. He managed to easily duck as the sliver of vampire-venom-cursed metal missed his neck. Shivering in the trunk of a Sitka Spruce, the blade's reverberations soon fell quiet.

Leaping upright, Jasper took a moment to marshal command of his gift, and slowly pivoted to face Aaron. This was the part; I felt sure, where he would unleash all sorts of righteous and considerably overdue wrath and reach for a weapon or five. Ever since we had been joined by the Telecles clan, my brother had developed an alarming fetish for secreting vampire blades on his person. Multiple vampire blades. I had attributed it to the fact that the Telecles clan liked killing as a family bonding activity and Jasper merely wanted to be prepared the next time they went on a rampage.

"You still couldn't hit the broad side of a barn door. Just like always," my brother's voice sounded curious, his hands alarmingly empty. I expected a primal roar. Instead, his greeting seemed awkward, muted, and sad. There was no way my brother would have gone hunting unarmed in this current environment of treachery and deceit.

"Jasper," Aaron stood before him, like a frozen lake, with lax fists at his side.

Aaron moved closer. He threw his arms around Jasper, not in some kind of Greco-Roman wrestling move intended to rip him to shreds, but rather an embrace, and clapped him on the back in a manner that would have broken ribs and perhaps perforated a lung or two in human males and said, "Brother. You took a risk in contacting me. I am glad to see you are well. What news?"

I could not help but remember the last time the two of them had held each other so. Jasper had been joyously chomping on Aaron's throat as he desperately fought in vain for his mortal life. Time may have flown, but in some ways, elements stayed the same. Once again, at Jasper's hand, Aaron's world was about to irrevocably shatter. And there was not a damned thing he could do about it. Typical Jasper, he went right for the throat.

"Annie died in battle." I saw the grief spread like the plague from Jasper to into Aaron as he seemed to sag for a moment, held upright by my brother.

"At whose hand?" Aaron hissed as he brushed away the fleeting support from Jasper and stepped back a pace.

"That's irrelevant," Jasper's voice softly answered. Stonily, he stared over Aaron's shoulder, scanning the environment, listening to make sure they were not heard. Aaron remembered right then that the Park and Forest were both crawling with soldiers and lowered his voice.

"Did you kill them, then?"

"No."

"My sister is dead. Your wife of over a century. And you are saying whoever killed her is irrelevant and still alive? Is your name Jasper Whitlock?"

"I am saying this, Aaron, because you cannot touch her."

"We'll see about that. Who in God's name is she?"

"Marcus Telecles' daughter, Arria. She acted in defending her child."

Aaron halted mid-rant to do a highly un-vampire like double-take. "Oh. I had heard rumors that he is now active. And I thought his family all died."

"Active does not quite capture the situation. This place is crawling with his troops and his very much alive family." Jasper reached into his parka and withdrew a small container. "I have some of Annie's ashes. I thought we could scatter them together, or decide if we wanted to bury her." His hands trembled.

I had to admit, when Arria executed someone, she did it with panache. She had ever so thoughtfully gathered Victoria's remains into a tasteful silver vessel. Arria had even inscribed Annie's name on it. And in a crowning touch, she had it marked with the coat of arms of Jasper's mortal family.

Both men jointly held the urn for minutes saying nothing, sharing in some hidden sacrament.

Aaron whispered as his voice cracked on the razor's edge just shy of weeping, "Hide her, O Savior; Till the storm of life is past; Safe into the haven guide; O receive her soul at last." Ironic, he had been a vampire all these years and still shook his head as if to clear the tears that our kind could not shed.

Jasper cleared his throat and said, "Amen."

"When?"

Jasper turned the urn around so Aaron could see that Arria had even gone to the lengths to inscribe the date of Annie's birth and dismemberment with extreme prejudice – I mean untimely demise –on the side.

"Why did you not tell me when you first learned of it?"

"Because the place is swarming with troops, my every move has been watched, and I could not get away until now. Also, I needed more time to gather information."

"I forgot that cold part of you." Aaron answered in a flat voice.

Jasper's lips twisted, "I am grieving too, Aaron. I've now lost her twice. I did not want to tell you this over the phone I left for you. Would knowing a month earlier have made a difference?"

Aaron sighed. "No. She'd be just as dead. My poor sister. She was so full of love."

Not the last time I had seen her, considering she had been barking insane with the most painful case of unrequited love I had ever encountered, bar none. Jasper let Aaron hold the container and put his arm around his brother-in-law's stiff shoulder.

I used the time to call off the wolves that Leah and John had sent to the area. John ordered them to hang back, be silent, stay well out of stench range, and let the two men talk.

Jasper then pulled a Bella on me. "Before I forget, thank you for your help in Alaska. We never would have survived without your aid."

Oh. My. Stars. Oh. My. Merciful Heavens. Aaron's mind. Oh. My. Goodness. The memories that flickered to the surface before sinking into the abyss. Oh. My. I had images of Aaron carving symbols in tree trunks, bending branches, leaving pebbles in what seemed to be random arrangements. Aaron ruthlessly dispatching a soldier that appeared to grow suspicious of his tree husbandry habits. Not that kind of husbandry. Jasper dropping his cell phone and a charger on a rocky ledge while fighting off three men. Aaron killing a few of Arria's soldiers – no mean feat by the sight of it - and collecting the hidden phone and charger and leaving with no one the wiser.

The images shifted. I now saw an Aaron so different in mannerisms that it was as if he wore a different skin. He coldly told his troops they were wasting time trying to slaughter and drain every large mammal they found to starve my family out with a "What kind of fun would it be fighting weaklings? They already are at a disadvantage because they do not feed from humans. Let them eat. It'll be more sporting fighting them that way. And cease wasting supplies by poisoning the animal carcasses. That tactic hasn't worked. Save the supply for the arrows." I barely recognized him with that stiff posture, emotionless face, and raspy voice compared to the one who stood so still by Jasper.

From Jasper's mind, I saw a scene on the battlefield where everything within sight - the whole world seemingly - caught on fire in a scene right out of the Book of Revelation. Aaron's thoughts showed he had decided to create a distraction by having one of his men set off an explosion in an oil well. The inferno spread like demons bounding after a lone Christian to the nearby trees. It had put a barrier in between Phoenix's army and that of my family who had used the opportunity to make their escape after killing their opponents in battle. I had seen Phoenix bellowing at Aaron, "What the Hell was that? Um, sir?"

"Are you telling me you are going to let a little thing like the fire I used to provide you with their bonfires get in your way? Aren't your men in position like I ordered them?"

"What order?" Phoenix almost wailed.

"Are you telling me your men are not on the other side of that fire in force to dismember the army like I ordered you two days ago?"

Phoenix seemed to shrink.

"Get out of my sight before I kill you myself." Aaron pointed. Phoenix slinked away furious. For Phoenix not to simply kill Aaron on the spot. How peculiar. Jugurtha directed me to study the memories again.

Mother attacked a soldier with her bare hands, and used his own weapons to slice him into pieces. I had never seen my Mother quite that handy with a blade. Rosalie, Mary Alice, the newborns and Carmen in particular stood out in the fight. Every last one of them fought ferociously. And Laurent was lethal using short swords in both hands. Eleazar proved his reputation had been earned as he fought back-to-back with Kate. Tanya and Irina tag teamed like no other women I had ever seen, well, ever. Arria was exceptional with any kind of weapon. But she could learn a thing or nine from those two. Vivinna, too. The newborns not only fought dirty, they were vulgar as well, using tactics to distract the fighters that were absolutely unladylike. And in that battle I saw Volturi guards as well as reinforcements from Arria earn their reputation.

I said to Jugurtha, "Remind us not to anger the women in my family ever again. Except Tanya if she behaves in-appropriately – which she indubitably will. And we will have to be extra sneaky to escape Jasper's clutches." A baritone voice with a faint Southern accent pulled me from my mental feast of fraternal deception.

Aaron bowed his head and said, "Brother, it was the least I could do for you. I'm glad you remembered our signals. I would never have let them starve you and your coven. And thank you for not outing me to your companions." His voice grew brusque on the last word. "What happened to Annie?"

"I'm trying to piece together the story and I need your help," Jasper said.

"How?"

"I know vampires sometimes forget their mortal lives but this was like whole sections of cloth had been torn from my memories. I do not understand how I could forget so much."

Aaron looked pained. "Everyone envied the two of you because you knew since we were small that she would be your wife. And you were adored by Annie."

Softly Jasper explained, "The family I have joined has access to a seer that shares visions. I have had one that showed that Maria set Annie loose on your parents and sisters."

At first, I thought this was some kind of sick revenge Jasper played beaming pain at his murderous brother-in-law while saying, 'hah hah hah, your family is dead, too,' but his thoughts did not support that hypothesis. Months ago, at the battle at our house, Annie had claimed that Aaron had turned her and had then left.

"That sounds like Maria. Poor Annie." Aaron brushed away snowflakes that were clinging to his eyebrows and hair. Jasper's thoughts only detected sadness and grief from Aaron.

"Did you know that Annie had become an immortal?"

"Maria's brother Guillermo taunted me once that I resembled my sister. I had to pretend to be bored by the comment. He never mentioned her again. But I heard lots of rumors of a woman who matched her description fighting for Maria in the Southern Wars."

"Annie claimed you turned her."

"I did not. I don't know why she would lie about the way she was turned unless she was ashamed of it. And I never communicated with her, so it's interesting that she knew I had been turned. Either Maria or Guillermo told her."

Things became awkward then.

Jasper let the silence linger before claiming, "In the vision, Maria offered Annie a deal – if she worked for her, she promised that she would find me and reunite the two of us. Maria deliberately kept us apart. Annie spent," Jasper gulped, "over a century looking for me every single day, while I tried everything I could do to keep her and the family alive by pretending they did not matter."

Aaron said, "I understand why you stayed away. I acted to protect you and Annie both. I had hoped that the two of you would find one another. I was sure that the strength of your love would bring her to your door."

"It did," Jasper appeared on the verge of tears, "But I had already mated with another. I had believed Annie to be dead in the . . . fire at our house. Her name was on the grave's marker with all the others. A few weeks later I met my mate."

Jasper addressed the herd of elephants that stood in the room. Why he did not tear Aaron to pieces for the cold-hearted murder of his human family was beyond me. His thoughts were such a maelstrom of confounding images that I could make no sense of them.

Aaron clutched the silver urn to his chest, like cradling a frightened child, and stroked the metal as if he traced his sister's brow, "Jasper, can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Why would you say it like that? So quickly." He appeared astonished.

"Because I understand."

"No, you do not." Aaron's face shattered into a thousand pieces.

His voice fell, "When I woke from my transformation, they ordered me to take them home. I remember feeling happy because I could not wait to see our family. I led them straight there."

"Did they feed you when you awoke . . . like they did with me?"

"No. I did not even understand what that meant. Everything was so confusing to me then. I wanted to eat my clothing and that did not make sense to me." I remembered from the vision we had of that day that Aaron's uniform had been splattered not only with his own blood, but with that of Jasper's men.

The two men fell silent; the woods ringing with regret in the serenity of the frozen night.

"What then?" Jasper prodded, almost as if he asked about the next inning in a game he had failed to see.

"I attacked the first human I saw and got a taste of his blood. But he was so small. And I was thirsty."

Jasper's memory showed Aaron carrying a short wizened man who had been their childhood math teacher for a while as he approached the house before discarding him at the scent of the family home.

Aaron's head fell into his free hand, palm cradling his brow, hiding his eyes, illuminating his shame, "When I arrived at the house, Maria gave me a choice."

Jasper waited and Aaron, while shaking, confessed to Jasper's boots, "She told me that I had to turn the entire family, including our son." He peered at Jasper on that repulsive note, "Or I had to kill them all. If I refused either option, she would let them be a meal for her soldiers while I watched. She claimed her men liked to play with their food before they ate. They were dismembering the man I had killed and . . ." his voice trailed away. And my word, her men were repulsive.

Being an empath, Jasper did not have to say something like, 'I cannot imagine…' because frankly, he could. "That was one of her favorite tricks," Jasper said. He used his gift to try to soothe his brother.

Aaron crouched into a fighter's stance and said, "We are not alone."

Composed, Jasper remained upright, "We are."

"Someone just tried to play with my mind. We are not alone."

"That was me."

"Oh."

"I can alleviate your suffering. I apologize. I should have asked permission first."

"I knew you were famous for fighting but I never knew you had a talent."

"I never told anyone when I was with Maria."

"What can you do?"

"I can detect people's emotions. And I can use mine on others to influence their behavior."

"So that's why people trembled at the mention of your name?"

Jasper sounded affronted, "No. I did not use the gift except on rare occasions and never around Maria or anyone that mattered. I earned that reputation the good old-fashioned way. Pure orneriness."

"You always were a charmer." Aaron momentarily smiled, and then caught himself as guilt wound its vines around his soul and strangled the momentary mirth. "I cannot let you assuage my pain. I deserve to suffer. Jasper, I swear on my honor, that I went in there with the intention of turning them. Maria made it sound like child's play. They said all I had to do was bite and drool on them." Plaintively, he cried, "I mean, how hard could that be?"

I had thought the vision we had experienced of how Jasper's family perished was bad enough, the event made worse by only being able to hear and not see. Silly me. Aaron's point of view was so much more ghastly – even after what I had seen and done in my dissolute life. Rarely, when sifting through the minds of others, did I find an immortal that I deemed more miserable than me. Aaron, however, stood out as being one of those sad wretches. Apparently from his ruminations, I did not have the market cornered on self-loathing.

Feeling the tsunami of remorse and shame from Aaron, Jasper scraped at a pile of snow he had made with his boot.

Jugurtha said, "We might have discipline, but Jasper - the fact that he is hearing something so personally distressing and reining in his talent in order to keep Aaron talking - now that is impressive."

Jasper's eyes seemed to bore into Aaron's as he put his fist against his own chest, "I share blame in this with you."

"No."

Jasper ignored his protest, "Without a second thought, I slew all of the men under my command that had trusted me to see to their welfare. I murdered you, while you begged for mercy. And I know in the moment my teeth ripped into your throat, I had not a single regret, not a single thought aside from greed for your blood. From my teeth you sprang to this life, and I hold myself every bit as accountable for our family's deaths. Had I simply killed you in the first place, this never would have happened. It is I who should be begging you for forgiveness. Aaron, can you ever forgive me for condemning you to this fate? Annie, too?"

"I thought I had."

"You changed your mind?"

"No, it's one thing to forgive someone for wronging you when you do not see him, or ever hope to, and time passes. Now that you are here, I . . . am trying."

"Killing them . . . I'm sorry that you had to."

"That's just it. I didn't."

"I don't understand."

Neither did I. The vision clearly sounded to me like he'd killed every last one of them. I had spent considerable time listening to the bones snap trying to ascertain how many had died at Aaron's hand in a vain attempt to give Jasper closure.

"I turned everyone except my son. His blood was so sweet I took too much and . . . failed. I did not know my strength. But everyone else was turning. I tried to save them. Susan started screaming my name. The others stopped me from going to her and dragged me out of the house. I did not understand. They claimed if she was strong enough that she would walk out on her own and join me. I rejoiced when I saw her carrying our son. I thought perhaps, he too had survived."

"How much time passed before the house caught alight?"

"Five hours. They kept me outside hearing them scream. Maria's soldiers were burning all the farms in the area to cover their tracks. She thought she stood out of range of my hearing."

"What did she say?"

"Guillermo," he spat the name, "Insisted that I had failed the test, that I had not turned my son. That I needed to be taught discipline. Maria laughed and kissed his cheek and said, 'You know there's no way I would have allowed that child to turn. We cannot risk it.' The rest have potential."

"'It's my birthday,' Guillermo whined, 'and you haven't let me play in so long.'"

"'Oh brother dear, you are right. You have been so strong. Happy birthday! You do deserve a gift.' She waved her men away. Guillermo set the house on fire with his gift. He walked over to me and said it would give them incentive to turn faster because humans approached to fight the fire and we wanted to avoid discovery."

"I called him a liar. He tried to use his power on me and nothing happened."

Jugurtha watched the memory of Susan walking back into the house and sighed, "She probably had no idea she could survive by leaving the house. The pain clouded her mind."

"I think somehow she knew. The look in her eyes . . ." Starched Shirt Edward's mused. "I think she chose her death because he killed their child."

I think Aaron agreed with Starched Shirt Edward. Jasper's voice drew me back in.

"Aaron, we both were victims of their lies." Jasper's voice was bitter. "When I realized the extent of it, when I first believed Annie to be dead, I washed my hands of that life."

"You really angered Maria when you left, Mr. Fighter-of-All-Time Raphael," Aaron reminisced over the rumors of Maria ranting like a banshee.

"I never knew that Phoenix character."

"I did," Aaron spat on the ground, "I've heard a rumor. Please tell me it is true and that he's dead for good?" He grimaced at Jasper's nod. "I could not save my wife or our family," Aaron seethed, "because that bastard held me and forced me to watch while Guillermo played. They wouldn't even let me bury them."

"Marcus Telecles and I made sure he suffered, and added in several doses of public humiliation." Jasper said, "I have no idea why Maria picked him to take my place. There were others who were better qualified."

"Maria had armies that she kept separate from the other. She sent him from mine to yours. She used you to run the Southern War to hide what that she was recruiting an army of 'special ones' and building it in Michigan."

"How did you know about both armies?"

"I'm Maria's second in command." Aaron's malevolent grin chilled even me.

After a long pause, Jasper said, "When Annie showed up out of the blue . . ." Jasper's voice broke. "I could barely remember her and was hit by all these confusing images."

"What are you not telling me?"

"You always knew," Jasper's smile was bittersweet. "Annie believed that she was my mate, and that I was under some kind of power that affected my mind."

"Jasper, she was right. Only it was my power. Annie was your mate."

"I do not understand how if I loved Annie so much when alive, how did I not know she lived still as an immortal? I hated my time with Maria's army because I was constantly bombarded with people's emotional pain and shielding. Pretending not to be effected was exhausting. Three weeks after I heard of Annie's death I met my mate. How could I be mated to two women at the same time? And it was agonizing to see Annie, and to start remembering things, but I did not want to leave with her. I knew I loved Annie. I felt like a cad. I handled the situation badly."

"There's this old wives tale that you only have one immortal out there that you could mate with. I know it to be untrue. Jasper, you could have mated with Annie. But you had to be with her for it to happen completely. That's the way the mate bond works. You and she were both so miserable during that time because your bond had started to form but never grew. We had one woman who had two men who both swore she was their mate."

"What do you mean?"

"The second she walked into the room, two men from another coven stood as if pole-axed. She smiled. That's when the fighting started. Our seer determined that she had a true bond with both men."

"What happened?"

"The men killed each other, and Maria murdered the woman for causing problems in the first place. So you could have been partially mated with Annie all these years. Had you been fully connected to her, when you met the other woman, you would have rejected her and stayed with Annie. In order for a bond to form, both have to accept it, and even in the event of there being more than one rival, we instinctively do not share. That's my fault that the two of you were not together."

"How?"

"When you bit me, I remember wishing you would have no memory of how you had killed me, and what you had left behind."

"You were human when I bit you."

"Yes, but it was the first thought I had when I woke. I remember seeing you but you looked so different. Maria felt some shift in power coming from me and said, 'This one I can feel his strength.' I . . . think my gift took away parts of your human memories, perhaps even some of your immortal ones. I do not have much practice with it."

"What gift?"

"I think I can manipulate what people remember or at least suppress them for a while. I have only tried it a few times, once on you, and a few times on others to save my neck. You cannot remember because I took that from you. I do not blame you for mating with another because you sincerely thought Annie was dead. Is she the short one?"

"Yes, her name is Alice. You'd like her. But if I did form a bond with Annie should I have been in agony while I was with Alice?"

"You have suffered all this time I am sure."

"Yes, but I did a lot of evil things."

"Part of those feelings could have stemmed from Annie. Being away from her. Because your instincts suspected she lived on some level. Have you noticed a change since she died?"

"Yes. I feel like part of me has died as well. And I want to kill everyone all over again. I've been struggling to contain my anger."

"I am not sure if I can, but would you like me to try to restore your memory? The Annie we both loved would not have wanted you to suffer like this."

"No thank you. I have been examined by an immortal with the same talent," Jasper spoke of Benedict O'Farrell, "He says my memories are now intact."

"What did my sister do when she realized you were not going to leave Alice?"

Jasper hung his head. "I think she went insane. She engaged in a campaign trying to force me to return to her by attacking people close to us in Washington State. She did this the entire time we were in Alaska."

"And you had no idea until now because we blocked your cell phones," Aaron sighed and rubbed his eyes. "What did she do?"

"It's more like what did she not do?" Jasper shook his head, "Annie persecuted a local tribe of shapeshifters as well as the mate of my coven brother Edward because she thought Alice would trade her life for Isabella's. The problem there is the person she chose to single out for attention is from the Telecles clan."

Aaron said, "I cannot believe my sister would be that foolish."

"She did not know of the woman's ancestry. You cannot take revenge against the Telecles. They have united with the Catharnais. And I am now related to them through Alice."

"I understand. But I am definitely killing Maria. After I kill her brother Guillermo."

"Aaron, I mean it." Jasper shook his friend's arm for emphasis, "You cannot target Marcus. He's one of the deadliest immortals I've ever met. Don't believe the stories about him sitting useless for a thousand years. Only the King is more dangerous."

"The King? When did we get a King?"

"Larce Carthanai now rules the immortal world and he's taken over the Volturi."

"I have heard legends of that man. Maria is going to be distressed."

"We cannot target any of his clan. But Maria, now she's fair game. And I have a suggestion for you. Her brother?"

"That ass?"

"He's not her brother."

"What?"

"She kidnapped him. He is the only son of Caius of the Volturi. She's been holding him hostage all these years."

"He genuinely believes that he is her brother and that she keeps him hidden because he is an immortal child."

Jasper reached into his pocket and removed a flash drive. "You were the one who taught me the best way to deceive was to tell part of the truth. She does have to keep him hidden because he is an immortal child. But really, you know Maria, what better way to make someone suffer than to keep them separated from the ones they love? Here's everything you need to prove to him who he is. I even have a letter from his Mother begging him to come home."

"How did you get her to do that?"

"I didn't. He was an infant when he was kidnapped, so it's not like he would know what her handwriting looks like. Alice wrote it. She said it would be effective. She's a gifted seer."

"Did she know about Annie?"

"No. That took her completely by surprise. She's still upset about that."

"You're not going to tell me that I cannot kill Guillermo, too, right?"

"Aaron, if you don't kill him, I will," Jasper said.

"Oh brother of mine, you now are speaking my language. I have plans. I've been making them for over a century." Aaron's face fell as he stared at his sister's urn. "What shall we do with her? I cannot return to camp with her ashes. Annie hated the cold. We cannot let her loose in it."

"I will hold onto them until that day we can all return to the family grave and give her a proper burial." Aaron bowed his head and handed the silver container back to Jasper, "Take care of her."

"I promise," my brother sounded so solemn. "Will anyone comment if you return in better clothes and a pair of shoes?"

"No," Aaron smirked. I'll just tell them I robbed a human house or two while feeding. It would not be the first time I have done it." Jasper planned on raiding a nearby cache of supplies, one of many that we had hidden all over the Peninsula.

Side by side, Aaron and he walked into the forest shielded by the falling snow. The silver container seemed to glow and noting the reflection of the moon's beams from it, Jasper quietly put it back in his parka. He zipped shut a pocket that lay over his heart. As they passed the tree with the lonely knife impaled in it, Jasper pulled, offered it casually to Aaron and said, "It's a good blade." Aaron accepted and sheathed it. "But I like this better." Jasper handed him another. Aaron twirled it experimentally, "It has a fine balance to it." He suddenly became absorbed in staring at a small ornamentation on the hilt – a mockingbird.

"Jasper, I used to call you that when we were children because you could imitate its call. That and you were obnoxious."

"It won't mean anything to Maria or anyone else who sees it. But I wanted you to have a reminder that I am with you always to the bitter end. Be careful with it. The blade is poisoned. Here is the sheath for it." The two men sprinted away into the frigid night.

"Edward," Leah decided to be helpful in disengaging my attention and poked me in the stomach. Twice. Then she attempted to smack me upside the head but I caught her palm before it landed. I could not let a simple girl beat me. "You've been out of it for ten minutes. I texted your Dad, but he already knew. Did Grace say if Jasper was alive?"

Thank goodness she had no intention of following in her Mother's career plan and being a nurse. With her bedside manner she would try to beat her patients into better health.

"Grace said he is fine. He is talking with Aaron."

"Who is that guy?"

"It's a long story."

"Give me the highlights then."

"Aaron is Jasper's childhood best friend and brother-in-law that he accidentally turned into a vampire."

"Oh, man Aaron must be pissed." To the best of my knowledge no vampire had ever urinated, but I was not going to correct her on such a vulgar point.

"How could Jasper do that to his own family?"

"Jasper had no idea what he was doing. He was newly borne to this life. That is why you do not want to mention this to my brother. He finds it upsetting." She did not bother to hide the horror on her face.

Leah's face froze, "You should have him talk to Sam. Bet he can identify," she whispered.

I said nothing and simply watched her as she paced. I was not about to betray Sam and Jasper by telling her that they already had talked. It was not my place.

Leah's face curled in disgust and she crossed her arms, "What? Is this the part where you preach at me that I have to forgive Sam for what he did?"

"No. That is up to you."

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Her syllables dripped with scorn.

"No. I would never jest about something so serious, and your beloved Mother would flinch to hear such crude language coming from you." I tried to pull my thoughts away from my sleeping-like-the-dead mate back in our room at the hospital. The one who had claimed to have forgiven me. The one I had been away from for over an hour. A painful hour.

Leah changed the subject, "Your sister says she's a shrink."

"I'm sorry?"

"A head-shrinker."

"My sister does not belong to a cannibal head-shrinking tribe from Ecuador last time I checked. And really, it is a little known fact that they stopped shrinking heads in the 1970s."

Leah pushed against my shoulder – fortunately for me the unwounded one, "Oh jeez, you are so lame." I walked just fine last time I checked, "We call people 'shrinks' who are therapists."

I did not bother to conceal my confusion, "But my sister is not a therapist. She is a psychiatrist."

"Whatever. She gave me pills. And wanted me to talk to some old man who thinks he's the Carl Jung."

I said nothing. I was not a big believer in talking. It only led to trouble in my experience.

Leah said, "I feel a little better. I'm still angry a lot. But it's not making me phase every ten minutes like I was." We sat for a few minutes before she boldly asked, "Your family died a long time ago, right?"

"Yes, in 1918," I could not help the clipped tone, the one she ignored.

"Do you ever stop missing them?"

"No." I did not have the heart to tell her that I had forgotten mine for many years. Now that I could remember them, the grief . . .throbbed like an old injury in the cold.

Leah swiped her fists over her eyes, "It hurts so much. And my poor Dad. I don't understand how someone could do that to another. Well, I did not until I started phasing and killing. Then I totally got it. Does that make me every bit as sick? Cause no offense but your kind, biting into your flesh is rank."

"No. All young shapeshifters have rage when they are newly phased. It is normal."

Now that we had dealt with the mountain of mail on the dining room table, I noticed the little things. Sue had a whiteboard in the kitchen with a list of errands for everyone written in her neat hand. Extending my gift, I searched the rest of the house. Sue and Harry's bed lay unmade, and the laundry basket in the master bathroom contained dusty clothes that required cleansing. Sue's red toothbrush sat next to Harry's blue one. Their room appeared untouched. Their robes still hung on hooks in the bathroom. On Sue's nightstand stood a collection of tomes - medical books on heart conditions made up most of them. The volume that topped the stack was one on grieving the loss of a spouse.

A stack of sympathy cards were neatly arranged on a desk in the room, with a small collection of thank you cards penned in Sue's hand. We would have to finish those.

"The house is as unchanged as she can make it," Jugurtha said.

Starched Shirt Edward sighed, "That poor girl is in denial. Even if she is annoying, we must assist her."

"I thought a lot about what you showed me last month," Leah referred to the memories of Sam's imprinting that I had shared with her. "That was f-messed up."

"Sam had no idea what was happening to him. Neither Paula nor I had ever thought that imprinting could ever happen. I had been told it was a flawed gene, a once in a million occurrence. Sam has to live with what he did for the rest of his life."

"I know. But so do I," Leah said. "Bella forgave me so easily. It makes me feel like a bitch, but I . . . can't bring myself to feel that way towards Sam. I keep seeing my cousins die with me screaming that I hated Emily for cheating on me with Sam. Now I know she was freaked out and trying to protect me. I keep remembering how much pain I was in when he tried to kill me. The baby was not real to me until I tried so hard to protect it. I'm not as good as Bella is."

"I think it would be wrong," I gulped. This was so awkward. I hated talking. Discussing things of such a personal nature even more. I cleared my throat and continued blundering ahead arms outstretched, metaphorically speaking, like a conversational zombie, "I do not believe it would be right to tell Sam that you forgave him if you did not truly feel that way." Well, that was true. Fake forgiving was wrong. Bella would never do something like that.

"It's not like I could hide it from him. He is in the pack. And he doesn't seem to feel anything from what I can tell from the collective wolf mind."

"You can hide your thoughts from him and the pack. Sam's been doing it for quite some time to spare the others."

"What?" Leah nearly shouted.

"I am not hearing impaired, Leah. There is no need to shout. You do not have to share everything through the wolf link when you transform."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. That is just a by-product of being a young wolf."

"No one told me this. And everyone is sharing way too much. Why didn't Paula or you tell us?"

"Because I did not know until recently. I am still having training."

"There's no one to train you, bucko."

"I am trained by a Quileute spirit when I sleep. And my name is not Bucko."

"Oh, thank God. Teach me how. Now. I want them all out of my business. I hate hurting them with my memories. And we need to teach this to the rest of the tribe."

So I did - using the wolf link before a captivated audience. Twenty minutes later, Leah and I returned to the hospital in Father's car. Leah had a stack of thank you notes to mail. She stood in front of the post office box.

"Leah, your Mother wrote these for a reason. It is disrespectful to her memory that you not send them."

"But it's her handwriting. If I send them, then I lose them, forever." Leah wiped away tears.

"You have more copies of her handwriting around. You need to do what your Mother wanted. And you can always ask people to return them if they do not plan on keeping them."

With a sigh, Leah muttered, "Here. Drop them in there before I change my mind."

I raised an eyebrow and said, "Act like a Clearwater."

She sucked in a breath and stuffed the envelopes into the large blue box like they were white hot coals.

"Being an adult totally blows," Leah snarled as she jumped at the noise of the metal drawer slamming shut.

I quite agreed.

"They won't let you near Bella if you are that angry."

She exhaled and said, "I need to walk around by myself for a while. I'll join you all in a few."

"Your Parents would be proud of you." I actually meant that.

"Yeah, whatever. Still sucks being me." She walked away without a word.

Bella's guards supervised me drinking three servings of deer blood and four of the growing-more-annoying-by-the-moment sludge before they would let me enter the sanctum sanctorum. Mother insisted I wash the deer blood scent from my body, and I changed into fresh clothing in the closed and locked-by-me bathroom. The Clearwaters' house had been so dusty there was no way I was going to risk my beloved's allergies by coming within sniffing range of her wearing dustmite excrement and fungi. Trying to scrub my teeth and tongue caused the necessary death of numerous plastic toothbrushes. We couldn't have my dear little armed and dangerous one retching at the very sight of me. Being parted from her had been excruciating. Carrying on a conversation with Leah almost as much. But I had done it for us. I had to find a way to show her my devotion since that whole talking business was not my forte.

"Mother?"

"Yes, Edward."

"The Clearwater house is a shambles. And it is filled with dust. Leah needs new clothing. Seth too."

Mother put her hand to her mouth and said, "Gracious, Edward, I have been so worried about everything else I completely overlooked that. Leah has been so distressed, I thought it better to make sure she was fed but give her space. Thank you for pointing the matter out to me, son. I'll handle it. I am proud of you for helping her."

Mother ignored the evidence of tears on Leah's face when she made an appearance thirty-six minutes later; sensing commenting on them would only anger her. She said to Leah, "Dear, we need to go shopping for you and Bella first thing in the morning." The word 'Bella' ensured that Leah would not argue. "And Seth," Mother completed the troika of guilt. "Why don't we stop by your house again and see what you already have?"

She sailed away with Leah captured in her merciless grasp and snatched her brother along the way as they left the room. They encountered Chief Swan in the hospital cafeteria. Upon hearing of their planned shopping excursion, he insisted on paying for everything.

Rationally, I understood I had been away from her for a few hours. Irrationally, it had felt like an interminable ordeal. And really, that was silly, because nothing could compare to the day she had . . . I needed to stop being foolish. My brothers could take camping trips away from their mates without whining. It must be this whole newly sort of mate bonded business.

Bella lay curled on her side in her own bed. I do not understand how, but even in sleep, she appeared exhausted. Her nightmares had continued unabated, and my wife had lips of titanium in adamantly refusing to discuss them with anyone. In consultation with Dr. Jung, Father had gradually lowered her medication in the past few weeks as he had not deemed her to be a threat to herself, and her medical history indicated that previous attempts at sedation had not made a difference with her nightmares. Although we all insisted she required medication, Rosalie said we no longer needed to keep her 'doped to the gills.'

Arria maintained shields around the hospital room to prevent nosy passersby - both mortal and immortal - from overhearing Bella's bloodcurdling to me - venom-curdling to every other immortal – screams she made when she suffered through a nightmare. With Paula, I had been able to see the demon that had possessed her. Unfortunately, I could not say the same for my mate.

I longed for the power that my touch used to have to keep the nightmares at bay. Bella did not have them as often as she had a month past, but the fact that she still suffered from them galled me. I would wake her up every time, and say, "Bella, it's just a dream. You're safe." The words felt like rotten lies every time I said them. It hurt to see her so petrified every time she opened her eyes in the middle of the night. Worse, whereas she first would push me away trying to crawl out of the bed, now she lay resigned in my arms as I patted her back, pulled her against me and said what had now become a ritual, "I wish I had the power to keep them at bay." Jugurtha thought we were having some kind of healing effect on her because she would always go right back to sleep in my arms.

Emmett had not been wrong when he had complained about my behavior towards Bella. For the record, I took exception to being compared to Gollum and my beloved turned into a figurative ring, a golden token. She was so much more precious than that. And Gollum had failed on every level from basic hygiene to manners to understanding the dynamics of the proper utilization of power. And I do not mean to brag, but I was considerably better looking even as a human.

Over the past month and a half, I had studied my battered bottle cap's every movement, every gesture at supernatural speed, hoping to be able to understand her. To a human eye, it appeared as if I kept my eyes to myself as I always had a book in my hands or my laptop. To preserve her privacy and not appear like a maniac, I simply used my gifts to look upon her. I could not have my bride distressed when spiritually stalking her was so much easier. I mean observing her welfare. For moral purposes. I had to let her think she had peace from me. She needed rest and quiet. And I was only happy to do my end on the 'quiet' part. We got along perfectly that way.

Rosalie and I were in perfect accord in seeing that the copy of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina offered by Sergei as reading material would not see the light of day in Bella's room when he had sent it via Arria a month back. What was the daft man thinking? Did he honestly believe that tale of a woman's unhappy love affair that ended in tragedy would be uplifting to my highly medicated bride? Moron. When given the plot summary, Arria had blathered on about censorship and how her daughter was an adult and could make her own choices. That woman was demented. Just like her Mother. Marcus had to step in and say that Rosalie, with her training, and Father with his, and even the appalled Dr. Jung who ranted that this would most certainly cause more nightmares, outvoted her.

"What's Sergei trying to do? Cure Bella by - there was no word for schadenfreude in Oscan – having her feel better at reading about the sufferings of others?" I snapped.

Marcus instructed his narrowing-her-eyes-and-glaring-daggers-at-me daughter, "Arria, why not set the book aside for a few months? That way when Bella is in a better frame of mind she would still have access to it, and Sergei's wishes would be honored."

What was next? Othello? Medea? Or something uplifting like poetry from Sylvia Plath?

"Youngling, what would you have her read instead?"

"She enjoys books on military history."

"But those have humans dying in masses? How is that different?" Drat. That was a good point. Damn my Mother-in-Law-from-Hades to perdition.

"She likes them. They make her happy. She read them from a young age so they might bring her comforting thoughts of her dead relatives. And she reads mysteries."

Two weeks later, the harpy smuggled in that damned copy of Withering Heights along with a few recently published books purchased online on battle history that to the best of our knowledge Bella had never read. I wanted to shred that paperback, but Bella's eyes actually lit up when she saw it in her Mother's hand. So it would live to wither another day, winking at me maliciously from her bedside table.

I sat ruminating about the past month and a half. We had provided Bella with an array of books personally selected by Father, Rosalie, and Dr. Jung for her. She read a few and ignored others. Searching through the trunk Arria had brought from the farmhouse, I had even offered some of her -well-Liam's books on military history. Those too remained untouched in a pile in the corner of the room where she could not trip over it.

"Edward?" Rosalie mentally spoke to me from across the room.

I blinked at her.

"Before we left, you were the person Bella talked to the most. Even Alice and I, as much as we enjoyed spending time with her, had a difficult time making conversation where she would share things about herself. I know you do not like talking. But I need you to be strong for Bella. You have to talk to her."

I gulped. I managed to convey with my mind a message to her although it took effort, "If she does not want to speak I do not want to force her. She has been so frightened. I can feel her pain." Well, I could. And that was totally true. And did I mention I had no idea to talk to her?

"It's time to be an adult and show your love for your mate. You have to set an example. She knows you hate talking and if she sees you trying, it might make her try, too." Drat. Curses.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "If by talking you could stop her from suffering why do you hesitate? Are you that cruel? Do you enjoy watching our dear little peach in this state?"

Weasel. I cracked him across the pate with a knuckle for that sentiment.

Jugurtha waded into the fray and said, "Try. For her. Rosalie is right."

So I constructed our own sound barrier that even Arria couldn't pierce despite her fulminating glances. As long as we were within her sight and I behaved myself, I felt perfectly justified in turning my back so Arria could not read my lips and blocking her view of Bella in the process.

"Bella?" she kept staring at her book. She had studied the same page for ten minutes and my dear little algae lover was a fast reader. "Would you like another book?"

"No."

Jugurtha said, "You should ask open questions, not ones like that." Oh. Right. Good point.

"Would she like a prayer book?" Starched Shirt Edward waved one. Jugurtha and I both said at the same time, "No."

Jugurtha said, "You need to share something personal to get her to speak. And address her by name." Hell would freeze over before I would blurt, "I saved myself from lusting immortal wenches so I could give my virginity to you." So I chose the next least painful route.

This felt like having red hot coals shoved up my nostrils, "Bella, you told me once that you knew how I had died."

She looked at me, startled.

"I am sure, you being you, that you researched the Spanish Influenza pandemic."

Bella whispered, "Yes."

I blurted, "I remember every second of what it felt like to lay there in my Mother's arms. Despite being taller and heavier, she insisted on holding me. She was so sick but she begged me to drink water. I made a deal with her that for every sip I took, she would have to take one as well. People were screaming and dying and crying all around us. Mother's eyes, I can still remember how frantic they were. I remember," I shook my head from side-to-side, "Telling her that all would be well. That we just had to have faith."

She watched. And said not a word while I rambled. I hated talking. Especially when I prattled. But I pressed on. For her.

"I wondered where my Father was, and why my Mother kept looking so scared. She was smaller than me, and I remember her holding me in her arms and thinking that the universe had gone mad that a grown man was being rocked like a small child. I recall how hot she felt, and the song she sang to me. And then I slipped into a fever. Carlisle carried me from the ward and changed me."

"Why?"

"He is a distant cousin, and my Mother begged him to save my life. She knew what he was."

"Oh."

"When I woke up, I could not understand how I had died, and yet there I was. I could not understand how both of my Parents who lived such good lives could die like that."

"Why did he not change your Mother?"

"I have never asked. But from my memory, she would not have survived the transition."

"What do you mean? I thought it was one bite and then you were a vampire a few hours later."

Knees against my chest, I sat with my arms wrapped around my legs. "No," I showed her the bite marks on my wrists and ankles. Hesitantly, she traced the ones on my wrist, "Actually, it is several venom-filled bites and three days of screaming agony before you wake up as an emotional newborn with raging thirst. I cursed fate for taking them and leaving me alive. I would have given my life for theirs without a moment's hesitation."

"But you heal from injuries. I've seen it."

"Our venom leaves permanent scars, and the older the vampire the darker the marks."

"I don't want to be a vampire anymore." She crossed her arms and lifted her chin and met my eyes with an unmistakable look of disdain. I thought my heart would split in twain on the spot and lucky, lucky me, it kept its uneven rate matching my mate's tempo.

"I know," my voice cracked like a wafer, "I cannot imagine why you would want to. You have witnessed the . . . very worst of our kind. I am telling you this because I know what it is like to suddenly lose your entire family. I was the one who sickened first. I caught it at from my friends and I brought it home to my family. They all died because I went to fencing practice."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why did they kill all those people in Italy? What was that?"

"Marcus told me that the Volturi for decades have fed from bags they obtained from a blood bank system. Once a year, Caius insisted that they had to have a feast."

"Are you telling me," she appeared faint, "That they kept people like cows and bled them and fed that way? That kind of blood bank?"

"No. They founded one of the most successful blood bank systems in Europe. They paid people for donating."

"When?"

"Well, blood banking started as a practice in Chicago, in the nineteen thirties, but the first one in America of note was in San Francisco in 1941. The Volturi leapt on the idea and have done it ever since."

"So I walked in on a vampire Thanksgiving."

"You did."

"That was," she swallowed, "the most repulsive thing I have ever seen."

"Now that he is in power, your Great Grandfather has banned the practice. And word of the algae that Liam invented is spreading throughout the world."

Her eyes widened in alarm, "Not that way," I tried to calm her, "Just that there is algae and that it works better than blood. The vampires who live off of the algae are actually stronger than those that live off of human blood. And after being on it for a while, they no longer crave human blood. No one save Arria and her coven know where the algae comes from. Vampires literally have killed each other for years trying to find out."

"What did you do . . . on that day in Italy?"

"I used my power to keep you and my family alive."

"But you made those bodies disappear."

"They were upsetting you and making you sick. I had to."

"What did you do with the second group?"

"I put a shield around them like the one I have around you and I right now. Arria can see us but she cannot hear a word. May I?" At her nod, I reached out and took Bella's hand and showed her the power ring that surrounded us, "No immortal could touch those people because of what I did."

"Oh." She pulled her hand back.

"And Father and the rest of our family helped see that they made their way back home."

"But they would tell others what happened."

"We have a vampire, a relative named Benedict, who can change memories. He altered theirs. They thought they went on a pleasant vacation. You can ask Marcus. He'll tell you all about it. If you want, I could have you meet Benedict. You could," I swallowed, "forget the things that torment you."

"No, thank you. They all lied." She must have meant her family. "For years. And I can't forget what I know."

"I would have told you if I had known. I'm sorry."

"Why am I so important to these people? Why won't they just let me go home?"

"Bella, do you remember what I told you about the Volturi?"

"Yes. They rule your world."

"Ruled."

"What?"

"Marcus staged a coup on that day in Italy. His Father-in-law, who is your great-grandfather, is now the King.

"So what is Marcus?"

"His right hand, from what I can tell."

"You don't know? You're a mind reader."

"Families are based on dynasties. And your great-grandfather has two living children, Vivinna, Marcus' wife, and her older brother, who you have not met."

"Got it."

"Vivinna and Marcus have several living children. You have not met all of them. Your uncle has one living child, and he's a drooling . . . he was held captive for a thousand years. Dr. Jung has been spending a lot of time with him. I do not know that he will ever be what you could consider 'normal.'"

"Vel." She must have remembered their first meeting. Vel had tried to pounce on her. Marvelous.

"Yes. That's him. He won't hurt you, Bella."

"So what does that leave me?"

"Because of your lineage every vampire from a notable family is going to want your attention to try and gain influence."

"Gross! So I'm going to be hearing what, first century pick up lines?"

"Possibly," I snorted, "Maybe a few from the tenth century, too."

"Great," she scrunched her nose, "It'll move from 'hey little human girl wanna see my lair,' to 'hey little human girl wanna see my crumbling castle?'"

She actually snorted. I almost smiled to see her sense of humor returning. Then, her next words took that glimpse of happiness right back out of the room.

"I remember Marcus announcing that he was going to have me turned." Bella blanched and trembled.

I took both her hands in mine and said, "Bella, I convinced them that they could not do that without your consent. The fact that your heart is so weak also kept them from trying. But I will _never_ allow them to do that to you."

"Why?"

"Because it is your wish. And I and my family will insist that it be respected. I do not know Marcus well, but I do not think he would turn you without your consent."

"Arria would jump me in a heartbeat if she thought she could gain from it."

"No, actually, she would not." I could not believe I was defending that harpy. "She does not want you to be an immortal, either."

"Why? I'm not good enough for her pristine standards?"

"Bella, you vomit at the scent of blood. Why would anyone who cared about you sentence you to a lifetime in which you had to drink blood to survive. There's no guarantee that the algae would work on you. Arria loves you enough to not want to see you have to endure that kind of pain."

"She does not understand love."

"She is over a thousand years old. Families were not like they are now when she grew up. And she was raised by her Father's guard. She met her Father the day you did. She's only known her Mother slightly longer."

"She only cared about me when my half-brother died." I did an ungainly vampire double-take. "Liam warned me in a letter."

"You are forgetting something."

"Like?"

"Arria could always have more children."

"Really?"

"She said there were other embryos that they have preserved all these years. She has thousands of immortals under her rule, yet she personally guards you ever night."

"Where was she when I was a kid?"

"You'll have to ask her. She's a cold one. But in her own way, I believe she loves you."

"That's the story of my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I grew up surrounded by people that in their own way claimed to love me. She's no different."

"Bella, did you know she is ruled by a warrior code? Vengeance against thine enemies and all that?"

"Figured that one out long ago."

"She stabbed Victoria, left her body to be handled by her soldiers and literally jumped off a cliff to save your life."

I held out my hand. Shaking, I replayed what I had seen from the moment Arria leapt after Bella. I did not want to show her how she had died. Instead, I showed her how she had lived and what Seth, and Jacob, and Skeevy, and Arria had done. I made sure she saw Arria begging her to live. And then I showed her Seth being swept by the spirits that I had sent and Grace emerging from the water.

"How did that happen?"

"I had a vision. I sent them. I kind of hijacked your brother spiritually speaking."

I was mentally reliving her dying and it showed on my face. I burst into green flames. Arria, in that "you are so unworthy" voice of hers, uttered in English, "Youngling, if you do not calm down I will be forced to remove you from the room. You had better not be upsetting my child."

Bella waved at her as if to say, "I'm fine." She put her forehead against mine and said, "Why did you bring me back?"

I stroked her temple, "Because the world would be empty without you in it."

"You went to all that trouble for a _smell_?"

Jugurtha said, "There's no way she'll believe you. Better deflect."

"No."

"So why then?"

I pulled back from her. "Figure it out. You're a smart woman. Even if your chess game as of late has been spotty."

She inhaled and got a glint in her eye, one I had not seen in months. Arria cheerily said from her corner, "Whatever it is, you have my permission, Bella."

Leah picked that moment to barge into the room dragging her brother. Both wore new clothing. Leah had a bag filled with washed-by-her-own-hand paid for by Chief Swan new clothing for Bella. I took down the barrier seeing as it might have hurt to have them slam into it.

Leah announced, "C'mon, Swan, let's take a vacation. We haven't done one in ages."

They pushed the two beds closer together and clambered aboard. Seth sat at the foot of my bed facing his sisters. Leah had brought her own laptop, Seth, too.

"Hey Swan, did you know there's a hat museum in Portland? We could actually go on that trip." Seth swung around his computer to display a plastic figure wearing some ridiculous ensemble.

"Oh Hell no. We're going to see the Button King."

"Pardon me?" To the best of my extensive knowledge there was no country named Button.

"It's this old dude who has glued buttons to everything in South Carolina." Leah showed the site to Bella who actually smiled. Truly smiled. And I refused to point out that the proprietor of that establishment was not 'old' seeing as he was only in his 80's.

"Hey Edward?" Seth asked. I raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. Jugurtha said that was man-law for 'What?'

"How old are you anyway?"

"I was born in 1901."

"You don't look 106. What's it like to live that long? You must have seen some awesome things."

I blushed. "As long as you keep phasing you won't age, either."

"So you were like what sixteen when you were turned?" he baited me wearing a goofy grin. Brat.

"No I was almost eighteen."

"So you've hung out in high schools ever since? Dude, that's like serious suckage."

I had no idea what 'serious suckage' meant but it sounded dreadful. And high school had been. Until her.

"I went to college, too."

"Really? How many times?" Everyone stared at me.

Leah took her size fourteen shoe and kicked at her brother, "Seth, if someone as obtuse as me can see that you're making Edward nervous, you have got to be verging on serious hazing. Give the guy a break. He hates talking."

"State secret that." Bella cracked a jab at me.

I smiled when I remembered the last time she had said that to me. On the night I had proposed. It seemed like that memory occurred to her as well because she became white as the sheets on the bed and shivered. Concerned, Leah reached for a spare blanket and draped it around Bella like a shawl, fussing over her like some kind of old biddy.

When she was not looking, Leah mouthed at me at wolf pitch, "I swear to God the two of you are gonna have mute children. Talk, asshole. And stop squirming. You're supposed to be the mature one, right?"

Arria perched in her corner with her usual dagger spinning in her fingers smiled beatifically as she stared out the window at the snow that showered the ground. I heard what at first blush sounded like a titter come from her direction. Proof again that aliens must have overtaken her. The only reason that woman smiled was when she disemboweled an enemy. Oh. Wait. Never mind.

Jasper did not return to the hospital that night. Instead, he encountered a solitary Marcus on his run back to the house.

"Going anywhere?" Marcus said brightly as he tossed a dagger and twirled it in his nimble fingers at vampire speed. He kept switching hands. And Arria was good with her dagger, but Marcus, that man was an artist with a blade.

Jasper halted and said gruffly, "I had some personal business to take care of."

Any normal vampire would have been terrified for being caught consorting with the enemy by one of the world's most powerful immortals. Not my brother. Like any smart fighter, Jasper kept his eyes fixed to Marcus' face, and did not fall for that whole frighten them with sparkling swordplay trick.

"Yes, Edward's pet noticed and sounded the alarm." Marcus sounded fond of Miss Grace. I had to agree. She was simply magnificent. Grace mentally crooned at me in response. Ruffled my hair, too.

"I had to see him in person, Marcus."

"Jasper, I have no quarrel with that," Marcus shrugged.

"He's in Maria's army."

"Spies are a useful commodity, particularly when they are family."

"Marcus," Jasper almost sounded concerned, "If you saw, then you know that Maria has another army, a larger one."

"She'd better. She's going to need every last one of them by the time I'm done with her."

"So she sent decoy troops to attack the tribe for all those months."

"That makes sense. It is not like she would forget the swords that were used to attack her own family. From what Caius' memories tell me, he put her entire clan to the sword in front of her eyes."

"What did they do to earn his wrath?"

"Backed out of an alliance. The girl was supposed to marry someone from Caius' clan."

"Oh."

"Before they were turned, the two neighboring clans were very close. Antigone, or Maria as you call her, was like a younger sister to Caius' wife. Enslaving her saved her life. Caius did that as a gift to his bride."

"But Caius killed the rest of the family?" Jasper's tone sounded merely curious, dissecting history.

"He started with the one that was like a brother to him. The one who betrayed him by following his Father's will. Caius saved the patriarch for last."

"Would you have done the same in his place?"

"Gods, no." Thank goodness the man had an ounce of common sense in him. "I would have killed the patriarch first." Jasper inclined his head in agreement as did Jugurtha. "Caius over-reacted, and resorted to brute violence instead of attempting to reopen negotiations. The marriage had not even happened. There were other eligible women in the clan that could have been united with his own. And I never would have put Antigone near my wife and child. I was away at another battle when this happened. Caius placed Antigone, his wife, and their child with my clan, and ignored my request that the girl be moved."

No wonder Caius had been so quiet about Marcus taking over. He knew how badly he had miscalculated all those years ago seeing as he had been the architect of his own personal destruction. It had cost Marcus his family, and Caius his only son and heir.

"I meant what I said about Guillermo. Are you going to stand in my way?"

"No." Marcus sounded affronted.

"Caius and you go a long way back." Jasper responded with that ever so mild voice of his.

"From the visions that Edward has shared of Caius' son, he shows all the reasons why we banned creating immortal children. Physically aging him will only transform his outward appearance, not his nature. Caius himself would put the child to the sword."

"Does Caius know how bad his son is?"

"Yes. I have communicated with him privately and shown him the visions. No one will stop you. Good move sharing his true background with Aaron."

"Maria is going to hit us with the biggest army she can gather."

"Of course she will. You've managed to astonish me. Do tell me more about how you got away in Alaska." I turned my attention away from them as they walked off into the forest.

The next morning was a Sunday. Sergei entered the room after Bella and I had awakened and spent a silent breakfast staring at anything but the other. Usually his family accompanied him, and this time he came alone. He gave me one of those icy "I would tear your liver out" stares that he seemed to think worked on me. I did not even need to read his mind to know he desired privacy with my mate due to that whole gesturing with his thumb business. Since he was not in possession of any books that could traumatize my beloved, I let him have his favor.

Doing my best Marcus impersonation, I left, letting Sergei think I munificently granted him his wishes. I drifted down to Father's lab to stare at cultures Rosalie had taken of Paula's not-quite-healed wound. And Rosalie and Father had left out the latest results of tests they had performed on Bella. Arria remained in the room with her daughter doing a fine impersonation of an immortal gargoyle.

In Russian, Bella asked Sergei, "What is a newborn vampire like?"

Easily, I could have answered that. Her own Mother could have answered that. Heck, any of her guards could have answered that. Thinking upon our day in the cave, I already had told her that. Why did she ask him? Did she think I had lied about…..oh never mind.

My dear little algae lover wore that detested by me calm expression she used during a crises. How I hated that look. And she spoke Russian almost fluently; and that bothered me every bit as much. How could I have missed something like that? Somewhere I could hear Liam snickering, the devious bastard.

"The young ones, they crave human blood and will do anything to feed that appetite, to the point where they are not rational and have no bother for consequences."

"How is that different from the Quileutes?"

"With those young shapeshifters it is anger that they feel and rage at some innocent bystander that triggers them to phase and kill. They do not drink blood. With a vampire, you have a - how do you say this? A different kettle of cod. They can become overwhelmed with any emotion and that sparks a craving, and they desire to feed on humans without end. I have seen newborn vampires weeping over how much they loved their human parents while crushing their throats and drinking their blood – completely unaware of what they did while they were doing it."

She did not hide her disgust, "That's horrible."

"For those that care about things like morals, yes it is. Others, they realize they do bad things but they do not stop, a slave to their cravings. The ones that live on human blood by hunting them are the most temperamental. They cannot control their prey drive. You are thinking about that Edward of yours, eh?"

Bella said nothing in return.

Sergei grunted, "Carlisle said that Edward is now like both a newborn vampire and a newborn Quileute. I have seen the rages that both species feel, the idea of them combined? I am torn between wanting to beat the Cullens for letting him near you and admiring the young man for having such self-control."

One would think after a startling comment such as this that Arria would fly into some sort of protective rage. She cleaned her nails with a dagger and acted as if she were not present in the room.

"Self-control?" Bella gulped.

"Bella, you are lucky you breathe still. Edward is very unpredictable right now. That is why your Mother refuses to leave you alone with him."

Arria actually smiled, I dare say preened, at that comment. Not that anyone saw it. Bella and Sergei were too wrapped up on their conversation.

"Every second Edward is near you, it torments him because he can and he will not drink from you. This new power has made it twice as difficult for him because it uses up so much of his energy. That is why we ensure he feeds every few hours."

"I thought the algae would take care of that."

"Your Mother says it has worked on her entire coven for years in controlling blood lust. But Edward still has to feed every few hours. And those that drink the algae can go long periods of time without needing to eat. So it must be hard on him."

I had neglected to share with anyone that I had made a deal with the Quileute spirits in exchange for Bella's life that I would continue to be tempted by her blood. That the algae would not be able to be used to allow me to be closer to her with ease like it had in the past. For a glorious few hours. People might over-react if they knew that.

"Sergei, what about your kind?"

"Mine have the worst newborn period of them all. When the young beast sees the full moon the first time, it is chaotic. It is like you are observing while someone else takes control of your body and then everything fades in the brain. You wake up the next day wearing nothing but gore and entrails and have no memory of what happened after the first glance at the moon."

"Edward was bitten by one of you."

"Yes, that also is true."

"Leah and Seth said the Quileutes that were bit all went insane and died."

"That is true. We are heavier and taller than the shapeshifters. The pain from our teeth hurts more than those that vampires have. Much more. And vampires do not do well in fights with our kind. We are the most dangerous immortals. That Edward appears to be sane to me."

"Will he turn into one of you?"

"This I do not know. We had a full moon pass and nothing happened. So we will see. You will not be near him, little girl, on such nights until we are sure he does not become one like us. We also are watching Miss Black." From Sergei's memory, they had actually moved me to another room not long back on the night of a full moon. I had been sedated at the time. No one had bothered to inform me, I grumbled to Grace who answered back that she had seen it as necessary to protect both me and sweet girl.

"Does your kind always phase with the first moon?"

"The average ones do. That is what concerns me. The more powerful our kind, the longer it takes for them to phase in the first place. That is why so many that do are traumatized. I did not phase for six months after I was bitten. I could not understand why my body did this. With many, it was with the first full moon. Your Edward will need watching."

"The Quileute wolves have tempers before they phase and they usually grow a lot after they start phasing. Do your kind?"

"We can be bit into being, and we also, like my children, can be born. What makes our kind so frightening is that usually they simply transform. There is one sign that the virus has become active."

"What is it?"

"A high fever."

"Normal people get that."

"True. That is why it is hard to know who is one of us and who is not. Just because you are bit does not mean a person will transform. Some heal with only a scar. Most others die from the bite."

His meaty palm took our battered chess board and began aligning the pieces. Bella wearing her frozen demeanor said nothing about the two weeks that I had run a fever. And I, for my part, was rather perturbed to discover that I might possibly be a newborn in three separate species and no one had elected to share that little nugget with me. Grace took umbrage at that notion and grumbled the equivalent that she could not help it if I was too stupid to listen to her when she kept showing me pictures of European werewolves phasing. I had thought she was having some extended immortal temper tantrum about all the damage they had caused. Oops. Women! Even in supernatural form they were confounding to me.

Arria moved so fast Bella literally started as her Mother suddenly appeared at her side. She said, "Bella, you are safe. If Edward started to phase into anything other than what he is now, I would know, and I would act."

I was never going to get an opportunity to be alone with my bride. Ever. This was pathetic. Goodbye Future Us sex life.

Emmett from outside Bella's hospital room whispered to Rosalie in Tagish, "Man, talk about cockblocking."

She swatted at him. "This is serious, Emmett. He could die. Or worse."

When did Arria decide to battle with chickens? My brother was a moron. The mere idea of her versus an outraged rooster nearly made me snort in laughter.

I was not alone in the sanctity of the lab for long. Emmett left his irritated bride, and went looking for me feeling guilty. He walked into the room, as I stared up from the charts I had been poring over like a pilgrim at prayer. Bella's heart kept its off-kilter rhythm and she seemed to be drowsing in her medicated sleep now that Sergei had left after sharing the joyous news of my possible impending demise with my depressed bride. Cad. Truth-telling Tattle-tale.

"Edward," Emmett said, "we need to talk." He had that tone of voice everyone used when I appeared on the verge of malnourishment, violence, or both.

"I ate an hour ago." Even to my own ears, I sounded defensive.

"I know, Buddy. That's not what we need to talk about." To make matters worse, Jasper came into the room along with Skeevy. Wonderful. Teitu and Thucer Telecles, two of the once-headless wonders, were not far away lurking just out of vampiric hearing range. Were we going to go on a field trip to slaughter some irritating hamlet of lost coven vampires? I had priorities. My mate being the first one.

Jasper waded into the fray, "We need to discuss school." I was not fooled by that placid expression. I could totally see through him. Fine. I could not because they all were blocking me. But still. Just knowing they were blocking me meant something unpleasant was about to commence.

"Yes?" Those numbers seemed off in the first series of tests from Paula. I flipped to the next set of test results. Emmett waved his fingers in front of me to capture my attention. Huffing, I met his glance. "I'm busy."

"We wanted to warn you so that you don't go all wolf-freaky on us." Emmett blurted.

"I do have self-control." Sometimes.

Skeevy elbowed Emmett in the side and said, "Edward, you have been understandably occupied with your mate," he should talk. "Some developments occurred that we thought you should know." If they were putting me in the information loop, when so much had been hidden from me, this did not bode well.

"What?"

"Forks is full of vampires."

I exhaled and almost laughed. "I know that, the army is everywhere."

"Um, that's not what we were trying to say. The high school." Emmett spoke slowly to me, as if I would detonate at any second, which frankly, irritated me. I had self-control. I had proven that time and again. So I would simply have to prove it to them.

Nonchalantly, I asked, "What about it?"

"It's been hit by a surge of immortals in the past few days," my heart sped at the idea of an attack, "No! No! Not that way. They have been registering to attend school." Emmett waved his hands like a baseball umpire declaring a player to be 'safe' to capture my attention.

Again, he over-reacted which annoyed me more. Marcus had an army in the area for crying out loud. If anyone stepped out of line I am sure that he and his Legions of Doom were more than capable of thinking of creative methods of retribution. Jasper, Skeevy and Emmett all stared at me.

Channeling years of acting I said mildly, "So they are trying to mainstream like we are?" I blocked Jasper with ease because I really wanted to say, "Why would anyone sentence themselves willingly to high school? Morons. And of all the high schools in the State that one? Double morons. Especially when they knew if they munched on a human or two Marcus would wipe out their entire clan. Triple morons approaching the Darwin award level." But that would have been too much. Wordy, as well. And I could not work up the energy to devote that much speech to something so inconsequential. I needed to look over those blood test results from yesterday to check Bella's iron levels.

"He's taking this better than I expected." Skeevy sounded mystified. See? I could still act with the best of them. I had perfect control.

"Taking what?" I had no idea what he blathered about. "We cannot be the only ones entitled to an education." I pontificated, and went back to my perusal of data hoping they would respect my need to analyze the mystery of Paula Black's bite. Mine, too. And I required further peace and quiet to contemplate the recovery of Bella as my eyes longingly wandered to a stack of records Father had set aside for me. I had already gone over them forty-five times, but with my dear little one, she deserved more intellectual effort from me. I had to discover why she was not gaining more weight. Why her heart still beat unevenly. No one else seemed to be able to do it.

Skeevy wiped his eyes and sighed. "Edward, - "he started.

Jasper beat him to the rhetorical punch, "The school is brimming to capacity with immortals that are either guarding Bella, or plan on trying to take her from you."

Seriously, I could not help it if my wolf powers went a bit out of line and my body exploded into flames that made all the vampires leap out of the way shouting to the prophet/god/gods of their choice. I was a newborn from two species – no, make that possibly three. What were they thinking? Paula's blood sample went 'poof' into fire along with the test results in my hand. Jasper snatched them from me and Emmett used the fire extinguisher when a simple foot stomp or two would have sufficed. The table that held Bella's records burst into flame and I leapt for them while Skeevy pulverized the wood. I cradled the bundle to me as if it were Bella. Her poor records. They were bent.

The audacity! I was definitely going to eradicate any immortal that set a haughty toe within the walls of Forks high. Except for those guarding Bella, of course. And my family. I had standards. As far as I was concerned, I had just declared war on the rest of the immortal aristocracy. They were never going to know what hit them. I was going to appropriate a page from Carlisle's repertoire of sneaky skills. And if they thought I was scary the night of the battle at the caves, they most definitely required further inspiration. For a moment I smiled, imagining bouncing them like basketballs from the hallways of the high school. That image did not produce the momentary mirth, the whole exploding them into ashes part while bouncing them around crowds of designer-clad courtiers. Now that was hilarious. I had more power now. Loads more. And practice. And discipline. Sometimes. But still.

Finishing off the remains of the table, Skeevy almost sounded like his Father, "Your brother does not smile."

"I know! This is bad. This is very bad," Emmett said.

"Edward," Jasper interrupted my machinations, I mean perfectly morally appropriate strategizing, with a quick shake to the shoulder, "Calm yourself. We can address this with little difficulty."

Easy. I would kill the bastards before they ever pranced into their first class. Problem solved. Granted, I would have to do something involving my powers, and I would have to find a way to do it so fast the humans did not notice. I had made corpses disappear in the flash of an eye before, sucked into the earth the night of the Yorkie festival. So Arria and a dozen or so spirits had helped. I had vaporized more, however, in Italy. But both times had been before an immortal audience. Those pesky details aside, I felt sure I could overcome with proper planning and contemplation. I was a serial killer, after all. A repentant one. Killing humans was wrong. Well, most of them, anyway. Immortals on the other hand? How hard could being a serial killer of immortals be?

Skeevy actually smacked me across the shoulder blades and barked, "He looks like he needs something to drink. He's turning red. And green."

Emmett said, "Remember the Quileutes." That sounded like a battle cry.

Somehow more of that algae gum was shoved at me and I found myself sitting on the floor chewing furiously while my guards watched every morsel of that disgusting goo that could, if possible as Hezekiah would say, "put hair on my chest." Not that I would mind actually having some . . I mean . .. . more than the adequate amount I already possessed.

As long as I did not grow a pelt like some of those poor Quileutes did when the wolf gene was activated. That Embry looked like something from a caveman exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum. Emmett had told me that Jasper and he had researched some odd procedure called 'man-scaping' in order to hide the sudden growth of chest, back, arm, hand, foot and facial hair that the young man experienced in the weeks after I'd conducted the transformation ceremony. I would have to research that later. It sounded painful. Speaking of which, I needed to shave my face.

Skeevy squatted facing me with my brothers on either side the epitome of the 'hear no evil see no evil speak no evil' baboons I had seen in a carving. He lightly smacked my cheek, "I think he's coming around. Edward?"

My word, how did I end up on the ground?

"Yes?" I acted startled. It would not do to rip his hand off for touching my cheek – the one on my face thank you very much - since he was mistaken about me being delirious and all. I had manners.

"The Quileute high school burned to the ground, remember?"

"Yes."

Jasper explained, "So John Quill and Father negotiated with the school district in exchange for grant money provided by our family to pay for the extra students that they would be attending Forks High until the new school is built. We also paid for new portable buildings to be set up to handle the overflow. And Mrs. Cope has already created our schedules for next semester. You are in every class with Bella. We are all taking turns having classes with you two because it would look odd having the whole family in the room with her at once. And the school is no longer accepting new students. Any new immortal shows up and they will be turned away. Marcus has ordered that background checks be done on any immortal that enters a fifty mile radius of Forks."

From Jasper's thoughts, Marcus had ensured that texts went to every immortal cell phone of the hangers-on that occupied the United States at that moment. He instructed the haughty snotty immortals in Oscan that they were not to dine upon the humans in the area. He suggested they follow the practice of feeding from blood bags or hunt animals. Marcus said that he was happy to provide blood to any coven that asked from his headquarters. The Volturi did own the most extensive blood bank system in the world.

Emmett said, "Oh, and Marcus sent a personal message to the immortals in town. Freaked the heck out of a lot of vampires, too." He grinned.

"What did he say?" I gritted out.

Jasper said, "He welcomed them to Forks, reminded them that the populace was off limits, and wished them a nice day via text. He addressed each by name."

Skeevy added, "My Father insisted that Bella have a guard. Alec, Jane, and I will all be attending school as well as her usual contingent of fighters from Arria's coven – well, those that look young enough to pass for that age. The rest will surround the school." To his credit, Skeevy had been working with Mother and his mate to improve his English over the past month.

"The best part," Emmett chortled, "is that we've made sure there will be more than one wolf in every class."

That should make every vampire in the room; us included, absolutely miserable, seeing as we could not hold our breath and maintain the illusion of being human. Aside from Paula, the only wolf that did not reek was Seth Clearwater. Being around the other pack members would drive out the weaklings in an hour or two. Problem solved without immortal venom-shed. Alas.

At that precise inconvenient second, Hezekiah decided that I needed to pay attention to his needs and pulled me under into the depths of sleep's embrace. Choking on sludge, I slid onto the floor of Father's lab unconscious while my brothers scurried to catch me. What's another concussion or two? Did I mention I was choking?

We were standing on the reservation and a battle appeared to be raging around us. I yanked Hezekiah out of the way of a stampeding European werewolf and gathered power to strike. Dumbfounded, the world ceased when I saw Victoria-Annie shouting encouragement to her coterie of killers and using her power to increase their bloodlust. Hadn't Arria and her troops executed her with extreme prejudice over a month past? If not, I was so going to make up for her lack of success. Roaring, I aimed a blast straight at Victoria's grinning face and watched as it did nothing to stop her from tearing apart a screaming young man. All the fighters froze around me as Hezekiah said, "Edward, son, this is a memory. Once it was real, but isn't any more." The wolves were scattered all about, badly outnumbered, and in the small part that I had observed were not fighting together as we had trained them.

"You noticed, eh?" Hezekiah said patting my forearm with his liver-spotted hand.

"Yes. Why?"

"The wolf link doesn't always work like it did with the first group you transformed. You thought Seth couldn't mentally connect because he shared a mutated gene with Paula. While you were away, I heard stories that it was common for many wolves to not be able to link with the pack mind. Those that could not after a few months usually turned back into mortals."

"So you're telling me that Paula basically turned the entire tribe and the new ones could not communicate with each other?"

"Yep. Well, every one that had a wolf gene got turned. The others stayed human."

"Did the tribal members even know that they would phase?"

"Nope. Paula had so much energy from that demon that about half of those with the gene phased the night she was attacked. Then others started doing it one-by-one as the weeks went by. Poor woman never had a chance to explain because she could not link with the tribe. The demon prevented everyone from reaching her. Except you."

"How did the tribe hide it from the humans?" I marveled at the Quileute strength in the face of adversity.

"Carefully. They were all scared spitless. John did the best he could. That Fergus who took your Father's place helped them come up with creative illnesses to explain why people suddenly went missing for a few weeks."

"Maria has another army coming. We have to train them."

"Who's 'we' paleface? _You_ have to train them, Edward. No one is going to trust Paula to do it."

"A European werewolf bit me, too. Why would they listen to me and not her?"

"You did not develop the fondness for sucking the blood of those European werewolves that you killed. That and the pack saw you fight and know you are more powerful than Paula. Quanah Parker has no problem with Paula drinking blood and thinks the tribe is being ninnies. President Roosevelt says you need to re-establish your moral leadership with the tribe and train the new ones and Seth as a new shaman as well. And he suggests bringing your sneaky brother to keep him occupied and off the streets. Jenny has nicknamed him the rebel with a cause."

"Fine."

"Part of the problem that got everyone killed was the young ones could not control their emotions and it all poured into the wolf link and overwhelmed everyone else. I need you to make sure the entire pack gains skill in controlling their emotions and keeping them from the wolf link like you taught Leah and them today. I'm sure Jasper can be of assistance, too."

"Fine. Repeated lessons. Bring Emo-brother. Anything else?"

"Yeah, Jenny says you need to keep helping Paula because the tribe is being sexist towards her."

"How?" I was scandalized. Sexism was morally reprehensible.

"Jenny doesn't think it fair that the tribe is angry at Paula for leading away the immortals that attacked her and accidentally getting herself possessed by a demon. Accidents happen. They're angry because they feel like she left them alone all that time to suffer in ignorance while having hijinks in the woods. Oh, and Jenny says to try talking more to your little missy. She's suffering so."

"I know. But we are surrounded by nosy people all the time. And she is private, like me. I do not want to distress her."

"Oh Sitting Bull quite agrees with that. He told me to tell you that you had better be proper in how you use your hands around her or he'll come after you again."

I transformed into the immortal equivalent of a beet, face flushed with mortification. "A man has his limits. I will not have my bride insulted by being spiritually eavesdropped on during our – private time. And the very idea that I would make untoward advances to her while she is ill and traumatized and for crying out loud in the hospital! Tell Sitting Bull if he has the spine to come down here and face me. . ."

"Relax, Edward. They can't see. Sequoyah could because he was testing you and he blabbed. Jenny and I had a talk with him. He won't do it again now that he understands how repressed you white people are."

"Damned amateur linguist. Should know when to keep his words to himself," I fumed. "I am not repressed. My Mother raised me with manners and morals. And I will not have my bride disrespected, spiritually or otherwise."

"Good that means you'll get that ring back on her finger pronto. Guess that means you'll have to start writing things to her with all that fancy smancy book learning seeing as you aren't going to be alone with her any time soon. She likes code, you know."

"Sacajawea is still hiding from me. The cruel wench."

"No, she said her peace. She said you'll figure it out, or you won't." He referred to my latest test from the Quileute spirits. And see that just proved my point. Double cruel wench. She and Genevieve could spiritually harmonize.

"Could she pick a more convenient time? We are surrounded by haughty blood suckers that want to steal my bride, we have Maria's minions lurking about, and I've been sick. And Bella is still unwell."

"True."

"So?"

"Don't look at me, smarty pants. I don't get to decide when you get tested. Think I liked the timing with mine?" Oh, well. Hezekiah's second test had resulted in his death at Gregory Clearwater's hands. Ouch.

"Sorry Jenny," I said to the heavens. He had given his life to save hers.

The scene of the battle vanished, leaving us in Hezekiah's grove sitting in our leather recliners. "Let's see if we can work on unlocking more of those memories. Get ready, son, because this is not going to be an easy lesson. I wish we had more time."

Three hours later, I came to some sort of awareness in my hospital bed with a hysterical Rosalie completely forgetting about her medical training. I could not move but I could see everything from the minds of those around me.

"Father," she wailed a painfully obvious point, "He's not breathing!" And God help me, she and Arria began CPR on me. I couldn't decide which was worse, Rosalie tearing open my shirt to display my scars to my horrified bride, or Arria's clammy lips touching mine. Oh, the inhumanity. And when did Arria give a damn about saving a human life much less an inhuman one? Aside from that of her daughter?

"Her son died, remember? She cared about him." Jugurtha reminded me.

"Fine, I totally get it!" I shouted to the heavens in the privacy of my mind. "Power requires me to sacrifice my dignity. Lesson learned. Let me breathe now. Get Arria's arctic lips off of mine. Stop scaring my family and Bella." I could not tear my eyes away from the sight of Bella's pale face.

Nothing happened. My body lay there as Father took over and using one of those specially supplied by Marcus needles, injected my heart. Then Rosalie tried the paddles. Everyone worked around Bella, and paid no mind when she reached for my limp arm. Except for Emmett who realized my bride was about ready to get electrocuted accidentally by his hysterical mate and lunged. Bella's pendant began to blaze literally making the room vanish in brilliant light as she touched me.

The world stopped again. And Sacajawea appeared. "It's been so long!" I used my sarcastic greeting that I typically threw at Hezekiah. "This is the part where you remind me I'm getting tested and that power requires sacrifice, right?"

She lifted an elegant brow and said not a word. Typical. I couldn't let Bella get electrocuted. And I had nothing to give. It's not like Sacajawea wanted my Mother's jewelry. And they certainly had made it clear that I wasn't going to be offering up Bella's life for them. And the last time I had sacrificed the blunting the whole bloodlust aspect of the algae so I could permit her to keep breathing. That's when the penny dropped.

"If I sacrifice this, I'll still suffer, right?"

"She nodded."

"Take it."

The damned woman said, "You passed the first part." And then while I wailed, "First part?" she disappeared on me. Again. Gah! I had just made a huge sacrifice and they wanted more?

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You did a good thing."

I snorted. "Lot of good it seems to be doing me now."

I had given up the only thing that aside from being around Bella, gave me pleasure, that fed my being. I had given the Quieleute spirits the pleasure that I felt when I smelled Bella's blood, and had insisted that I still feel the craving. With my luck, the damn powers would make her smell like a skunk. I was going to spend eternity not inhaling. But Bella was worth it. My family, too. So why did that spirit look at me like I was a moron when she left?

As time started back up, Emmett hit some kind of invisible wall and slid to the ground. The paddles never touched my chest but made an awfully loud crackling noise.

Rosalie snarled at Arria, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I'm not doing that, Rosalie. Bella is," Arria answered calmly.

It felt like someone poured molten lava down my throat. With a shudder, I started to breathe again. Pain consuming me, I tried to drop my dear little Grandmaster's hand for fear of hurting her. Somehow, she had acquired a grip of impressive strength. Either that or I now was a puling weakling-in-more-ways-than-one, as handily, my bride defeated me in a battle of thumb wrestling. I longed for the day when she knew we were properly married and I could do more than wrestle thumbs with her. Then again, she would have to speak to me, and I her. Drat. I was going to die a virgin. Again.

I woke to find everyone gawping at me. "What?" I wheezed. "Is Bella well?" I tried to turn my head but it would not cooperate.

"She's fine. Buddy, your lips!" Emmett blurted.

"What about them?" I patted my lower jaw. They felt different. I had a hard time talking.

"They're swollen like you've been stung by a wasp or something. And they're blue!"

Arria said in innocence. "What? I've been practicing CPR in case either one of them needed it. The human parenting book Rosalie loaned me said every parent needed to know it." She shrugged a dainty shoulder. Kill me now. Please.

On the bright side, my humiliation earned a ghost of a smile from Bella who dropped my hand.

Marcus said, "Edward, what is it about you that the women in my family can't resist? Even my own mate was tearing your clothes from you the other day. And now my daughter . . ."

I blushed to the tips of my toes, much to everyone's amusement. It only made my lips more blue. Humiliated, I covered my bare abdomen with what was left of my shirt.

"What? You never said I couldn't share him with Bella, Father," Arria huffed.

My eyes widened in horror. I could not even look in Bella's direction. How does one reject Marcus Telecles' daughter in front of her father and my bride without being an utter ass?

"Marcus, my son's heart just stopped," Father laughed shakily, "Arria, you're going to kill him all over again."

"My apologies Edward, my family's sense of humor can be . . . dark. You should take a breath now before you human faint."

It took Bella poking me in the side to get my attention. I sucked in air, terrified at how I would feel. And for the first time, I experienced the sacrifice. Oh I still wanted to jump her and drain her dry. She still smelled better than any thing I had ever encountered. Intellectually I knew that. Instinctively I knew that. But it was like that part of my being was numb. I did not experience the euphoria that I typically felt, what Emmett had tried to describe as a thousand orgasms all at once. I was thirsty. For her alone. But it didn't feel good. Instead, it just hurt.

Father helped me put on a clean shirt and buttoned it for me, tossing the ripped one to Emmett. Uncharacteristically, Father embraced me and his thoughts despite his professional demeanor were tumultuous, "Son, I cannot bear to lose you. We have to find a way to work on your power not killing you. And I know you do not want to hear this, but we need to run more tests. This was a bad episode."

Bella reached out and grabbed my hand again as if she feared I would expire on the spot.

"Thank you." I said to her seeing as she had used her gift to bring my worthless hide back to life. It came out sounding like gibberish, though, due to that whole swollen lips problem.

And just when things couldn't get any worse, Vivinna decided to join the festivities. Thank God I was clothed. And escorted. I could see a glimmer of mischief in her gaze.

"Youngling? That is a new look for you, wearing my daughter's venom." See? The woman was Satan. Tormenting me in front of my traumatized bride. Who did not understand a word of the highbrow Oscan her Grandmother had just spoken. But still.

Marcus said in English, "Dear, his heart is frail, we need to play nice. Can you help him?" Vivinna really was stunning when she smiled like that. Not as stunning as my Bella. But I could see why Marcus appreciated her. And I jumped like a newborn when she put her iceberg like hand on my lips. Didn't she know I could bite her? A lot? And if she tried to tear my shirt off, I was going to have to belt her. Ouch. My lips felt like an infected wound had been pierced and drained. They shrank back to normal size before my trying-not-to-stare family. Mother handed me a wet towel that I used. Well, I attempted to but my arms would not cooperate. Making my humiliation a home run, my vampire Mother had to intervene and wash my face. Now the blue part vanished.

Mother leaned forward and hugged me, kissed my brow and pled, "Edward, do you think you could work on that whole not terrifying your Parents part?"

"I'm very sorry, Mother," I felt miserable, and for one single moment rested my head against her chest.

She caressed my hair and said, "There, there, Son. It'll be ok."

Realizing I was acting like a small child, I pulled back and said, "Thank you."

Rosalie said, "Come along brother dearest. It's time for more tests for you." I tried to cooperate. Really, I did. My legs decided to protest. Emmett caught me and gently transferred me to a wheelchair. This was so not fair. I was going to have to be away from Bella. Again. I fell asleep during the brain scan. Rosalie woke me with a light slap across the face. I reached out to grab her hand to prevent a second slap and found myself staring into Bella's eyes.

"You wouldn't wake up." She said. She could beat me any time she wanted. Repeatedly. I traced the inside of her palm with my thumb.

By the look of it, I had been moved into an examination room. Father and Rosalie studied at my test results. Emmett and Mother and Rosalie were all there.

Mary Alice said to my mind, _"Bella insisted on coming down here to keep you company. Maybe you should say something to her. Like now. And be gentle with her wrist."_

"I'm sorry." I seemed to be saying that a lot these days. But I meant it. Truly. "I did not mean to frighten you." I released her hand.

Father's grim face conveyed the news before I had time to read his mind. I seemed to be having trouble actually using that gift at present due to a pounding migraine and all. The light in the room hurt my eyes. Bella reached over and flipped off one set of lights.

"I do not want her scared any more than she already is." I begged Father at vampire pitch.

In kind, he responded, "She is stronger than you know. And she is much better. And I am not going to lie to her."

Rosalie appeared on the verge of weeping. And that never happened. She blocked me with ease.

"Will somebody start talking, please?" Bella said.

"Edward, from these results there is no way if you were a human you would be alive. By all rights, you should be a quadriplegic and comatose with this kind of damage."

"I'll try to heal faster," I said.

"Bella, I think you are the only reason he is still with us. Thank you, dear, for saving my son." Father said.

Rosalie wrapped her into a hug, squishing her between Mother, Emmett, and Mary Alice in some kind of a family huddle-hug-a-thon. They hauled me into a wheelchair and I do not remember much of the ride back to the room.

"We'll leave you two to get some rest," Thucer said. "Arria, I will take watch for tonight. You should go see Grandfather. He misses you."

Father insisted on putting me on an IV with enough pain killer to knock out a herd of antelope. As she crawled over the metal rail with Emmett's assistance, Bella slid into bed beside me and everything felt wonderful as she settled against my side. I kept my back to her. When the lights dimmed, I did my best to hide my mortification that she had seen my scars. I had not wanted her to be afraid. And now I'm sure I repulsed her gauging by the memory of Bella's horrified reaction. For the first time since I returned, she reached for my hand in her sleep. She held it all night as I felt the heat from her necklace warm us. And for a few hours, if possible, I was in Heaven. I refused to sleep. I was afraid if I woke up, the hand holding would be a dream.

Six hours later, my body betrayed me and I sank into a dreamless sleep.

Father discharged Bella two days later. I had spent most of them asleep, nudged awake every few hours to be doused with algae. Fortunately, when I finally woke, I felt normal, whatever that was. Father's minions gave us a small party, and my bride spoke long enough to thank them before I escorted her stiff body to the car. Marcus led the way, Arria walked to my side. Charlie was at work hunting home invaders and my Parents had arranged for Bella to be moved. Bella said nothing as I opened the car door for her. Away we drove back to the mansion.

Learning of her disdain for being the center of attention, Marcus had exercised restraint and had used a fleet of armor plated black sports utility vehicles rather than the armor plated limousine. Bella could not see the rings of power that glimmered so brightly around my Parents' house. My, how they had increased since the King of the Lost Covens had taken residence within. He could not wait to spend more time with his great-granddaughter. And she had yet to meet two of her uncles. If he thought I was going to let Metie Telecles, he of the singing while swinging and lopping of heads maniacal smile, near my beloved…..

Jugurtha said, "We must watch and wait and not create a disturbance concerning that one." Fine. As long as he stayed away. Far. Far away. Currently Jugurtha noted that Marcus had him and his brother Pesna marshalling forces in Canada. The Quileute spirits and I were in agreement concerning running a test trial to see if we could do the immortal equivalent of electrocuting to undeath a volunteer immortal. And I so volunteered Metie to be in the first trail. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward voted 'no' - the bastards. Which was totally unfair.

"Marcus spent a thousand years in agony bringing his sons back from the dead."

"Fine. So killing him would be inconvenient. I would have to find another way."

Bella asked Arria as we crossed the thresh hold of the house, "Why are we here?"

My Mother winced and turned away to hide her pain. She excused herself and left the room to go to the kitchen.

The words escaped my lips before I could stop them, "Bella, please don't hurt my Mother. Her only sin was being stranded in Alaska fighting for her life for eight months," I whispered in her ear.

Bella stumbled at my words. It took her a moment to find her balance, yet another reminder of the damage I had caused her through my carelessness.

Bella blanched and squeezed my hands that were on her waist in response, "I'm so sorry. I did not mean it that way." She sounded humiliated.

Decimus, the boor, snarled at me in Oscan, "Way to go welcoming her home, oh tactful one. Chief Swan never explained to her that he was living with Paula over here. And Bella has been living with us."

Jugurtha added, "She is right to be confused, especially since we have not really cleared things up with her." Jugurtha soothed. I apologized to her by my count six times. What else was there to say? 'By the way, we're married? Happy almost two month anniversary!' I think not.

Arria said, "Child, at present our fortress is hosting thousands of immortals. I do not think you would be comfortable there with that amount of noise as they are training continuously. Some are also having a difficult time making the transition from drinking human blood to living on the algae. And Paula is recovering here, so Charlie is living in the guest house. The Cullens and I thought you would be more comfortable here because you would have more privacy."

"Oh. Thank you for having me." Bella said to my Mother when she returned to the room holding a tray of drinks. Which only unintentionally stabbed the stake further into her.

"Not at all, Bella. You are family." Mother answered simply.

Arria interjected into the awkward silence, "Bella, Esme spent time preparing food for you. Perhaps now that we are all here, you can both teach me how to make the food that you like."

There. Right there. Solid proof the aliens had moved from controlling Rosalie to Arria. I could not even imagine Arria holding a spatula over a skillet. She'd more likely shoot a deer and skin and dress it herself than bake brownies or cook omelets. I checked her thoroughly for demons while Marcus did his almost smirk in my general direction at supernatural speed.

On that note, my stomach growled. Vampire stomachs do not growl – like that. Mother, the soul of discretion, thought at me, "Edward is your stomach upset?"

I nodded as if to say, 'I'm fine Mother.' I could not explain it, but my stomach had not rumbled like that in over a century. And the food. The apple cobbler with its cinnamon and sugar and dough and fruit smelled delicious. The bread, too. I actually felt my mouth water with saliva, not venom. Bella took her place at the table as I seated her and took a chair to her right. Mother loaded up two plates for Bella and left me with an empty one to select my own poison – I mean human food.

Larce Catharnai, Marcus, Vivinna, Skeevy, Teitu, Thucer, Rosalie, Mary Alice, Emmett, and Jasper all sat around the table. Mother had added extra leaves to make it three times its normal size.

"You don't have to do that," Bella said.

"Pardon me?" There I apologized again. My remorse knew no bounds.

"I know your kind does not eat food like this. We are not in public so you don't have to fake being a human in front of me anymore. I know it makes you sick."

"Ordinarily, I would take you up on your offer. But I'm hungry." Her eyes bulged and the Fitzflock began twitching. "Not _that_ kind of hungry," I clarified, "My stomach is rumbling like it did when I was human. I do not know why." The rest of the immortals talked amongst themselves pretending like they were not hanging on my every word.

"Try some bread." She handed me a roll. I took a cautious bite and chewed.

"Edward?" Mother asked concerned as she heard my stomach growl again.

"All will be well, Mother." It occurred to me just then the last time I had said those words in that optimistic tone. I had been lying in a hospital ward crammed like sardines dying in indignity while trying to soothe my frantic human Mother. Under the table, Bella reached out and took my free hand in hers and gave it a squeeze before releasing it to finish her meal.

Carmen and Eleazar brought the twins downstairs and placed them in some contraption that mother called a "high chair" and Evelyn provided entertainment for all by refusing every bit of food placed in front of her, much to her Mother's confusion. Judging by her heart rate and increased adrenalin, Evelyn's wailing was making my bride nervous. We all watched as Rosalie battled her daughter in a force of wills.

"Try playing airplane," Bella suggested.

"Won't that make her vomit?" Emmett asked.

"I don't mean swinging them around in the air. You let them think the food on a spoon in an airplane flying to them. Like this." She demonstrated with her spoon. "Sound effects help."

At vampire pitch Rosalie said, "My daughter will not have to be cajoled into eating food that is good for her. This contest stops now. She either eats or she goes to bed hungry for a few hours."

Emmett shushed her, "Hang on, Rose. Let's see if this works. And it would hurt Bella's feelings if we do not try."

And my, it did. Work, that is.

Bella turned to my Mother and said, "Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Cullen. It was excellent. May I please be excused?"

Four hours later, my protesting stomach woke me from a sound sleep at Bella's side and I bolted for the bathroom to be ill. Revolted, I shut the lid and flushed the commode. I was startled to find myself being lifted by none other than the King, who aided me to the sink as I washed out my mouth and brushed the acid and venom and food from my teeth. The whole house had heard me retching, and I was mentally bombarded with words to the effect of, "My you just regurgitated sooner than you ordinarily do when you consume human food. Are you well?" Emmett was the only one who still called me 'PukeWard.' Thucer wondered if I made a habit of these odd spewing bouts. I heard Marcus explaining to him the method behind our 'let's eat with Bella' plan. Thucer agreed to try human food to help his niece. What a prince. Ok fine. He actually was one. But still.

"I'm fine, thank you," I lied to them all. My entire body ached, my head pounded, and my stomach felt on fire. But knowing that would not help anyone else, so I kept it to myself. I had scared them enough for one week. Father was at work. Rosalie needed some time with her children. It's not like they could do anything to make me feel better. Grace crooned to me.

"Youngling," The King said. Fantastic. Now the entire immortal world was going to start calling me by that nickname. "Edward," he repeated. I met his gaze.

"Yes, Sire?"

"My wife did not survive the transition." I gulped and listened to the patter of Bella's heart. Although she was physically improved, she was still too weak for anyone to even contemplate turning her. That and her desire not to be turned sealed the deal in my mind.

"I am very sorry to hear that, Sire."

"She was a good wife. I miss her. Make every moment matter." He canted his head towards Bella.

"Yes, Sire." He patted me on the head and somehow the pain lessened. I went back to bed and felt all kinds of awkward doing so under the gaze of the King and Arria. They took out a chess board and continued a game. Sleepily, Bella asked, "Did you get sick?"

"It's nothing."

"Liar." She pulled me against her. And everything seemed to fall away.

I did not want her to be distressed. But I knew today would be difficult. I woke her up early. She yawned and said, "What?"

"We're going back to school today and it might be different."

"Hunh?"

"You have a guard."

"I did before."

"Not attending school with you."

"Is that necessary?"

"Yes. Forks now has other immortals that have decided to attend high school."

"Idiots." I quite agreed.

From her corner Arria said at vampire pitch, "Her Telecles side shows."

The King guffawed and said, "No, my dear that's the Catharnai in her."

My entire family blew back into Forks high along with Jane and Alec, and a contingent of approved-by-Marcus immortals with Decimus at the helm of her guard. Jane and Alec, playing the role of Bella's Italian cousins, had never been to human school before, and we were going to have to tutor them to make sure they could keep up, much to their disgust. During the drive to school, Jane grumbled when I explained at vampire pitch that she could not torture her teachers into passing her in the classes or murder them. Alec grumbled when Jasper said at the same frequency that executing humans who lusted after his sister with their eyes, while tempting, would break our cover. I whispered at a level the staring off into space Bella would not hear that we could find other ways to torment them, and his eyes widened in mirth.

The funny thing to us was that while Alec and Jane's reputation had spread, most immortals had no idea what they looked like in their older form, and news of their "age-over" had not reached this corner of the world, beyond, of course, Marcus' forces. Alec and Jane looked forward with eager anticipation informing the socially invading immortals of their stupidity. Jasper mentally joked that a new dance craze was about to be invented by the invading aristocrats at Forks High – the 'backing away before Satan and Satanette' samba. And although he said not a word, I most definitely knew that he was concerned that people would be making attempts to woo his mate as well. And Jasper lately, well, he kind of had a temper problem.

Bella found herself the center of attention when we approached the building. I walked behind her, my sisters and Jane at her side, my brothers and Alec in front. We were encircled by a group of fresh-faced legionnaires. Lauren Mallory squealed to Jessica that we had some new "hotties" at the school. Brutus, one of the legionnaires asked me in Oscan, "I do not have a torch in hand. What does that woman mean?"

"She finds you physically attractive."

He leered. Titus smacked him up the back of his skull and said, "Our kind would crush them without meaning to. No seducing the human wenches. The immortal ones, too. We're on duty." From his too much information thoughts the legionnaires had been pillaging their way lothario style through the ranks of available unmated lost coven females who were oh so eager to help end their millennium of celibacy due to being dead and all.

Tuning out that she was also the focus of over fifty sets of eyes, Mary Alice said, "Rosalie and I have been working with them on how to converse with humans. We will add flirting to their lessons. All that you have to do is ignore them and breathe on them a few times telling them you are busy and they'll leave." Thanks to a photographic memory, the soldiers knew the identities of every human in school, and which ones were friendly to Bella.

Angela, cleared with a wave to approach us, emerged from the crowd and patted Bella on the arm saying, "It's so good to have you back." Mary Alice handed Bella her schedule and said, "Mrs. Cope has put you in these classes." Angela saw Ben, hugged Bella again and took off after her boyfriend to make it to her first class.

Bella hesitated slightly and I bumped into her and snaked an arm around her trunk to forestall her from falling. I had no intention of groping her in public. By pure accident, my forearm just happened to be four millimeters under her breasts. She pushed my hand away once she gained purchase of the concrete. As we made our way into the front hallway of the school, we were all but surrounded by a flock of strange to us immortals who were attempting to pose as humans. All wore contacts. But really, that idiot from the fifteenth century had not bothered to shave and his unkempt hair resembled something that had scurried alive from the Old Testament. He was outraged that Mrs. Cope would not permit him to enroll in school until he followed the dress code.

A growl from Emmett at vampire pitch, accompanied by a mild, "Do what she says," from Jasper as we breezed by the office ensured that unflappable Mrs. Cope would live to administer another day. That snotty Venetian coven standing ten feet away needed someone, most likely my sisters, to inform them that haute couture and Forks High School did not blend. Rosalie mentally sniped they looked like they had escaped from a runway in Milan and needed to be fed human food. Privately Jasper thought a few stood out like prostitutes at church services.

One of the Venetian coven elbowed another and hissed at vampire pitch, "That's the human that is related to Marcus. The plain one by the arrogant looking tall one. The short one with the bad haircut is the other granddaughter." Apparently, as aristocrats they were used to insulting other immortals with impunity.

Jane decided they needed a dose of her power before I broke cover and incinerated them on the spot. Two slipped and fell to the ground shrieking.

As we passed, Jane said, "The next one that insults my cousin dies. I'm Jane, by the way."

And she made a convincing display of pretending to be shocked when she accidentally on purpose stepped on one screaming woman's fingers. Jane couldn't help it if that woman thrashing about got in her way. Their coven members lifted them up and hefted both out of the school before they gathered more attention than they already had at Jasper's mild suggestion.

Jane noticed my bride's hesitation and we all sensed Bella's increasing discomfort with the climbing of her heart rate. Jane whispered to her in Spanish. "Ignore them."

Cautiously, Mary Alice patted Bella on the back and said in the same tongue, "Bella, we're going to be late for class."

Bella brightened when her brother plowed his way through the crowd and said, "Hey Swan, we have first period together."

"Seth, you're a freshman, how did you arrange that?"

"Took a fluency test in Spanish. Piece of cake."

"Oh. Good for you."

Marcus' army knew how to keep a secret. The purple-venomed-blue-bloods that surrounded us had no idea that Seth could transform into a beast that could and would chomp them for lunch. They began to get an idea that something was off, when other tribal teenagers who were attending Forks' high followed my instructions to kindly enter the building and blend in with the new immortals and offer them a friendly Forks welcome.

Seven vampires ran away from their classrooms to be sick in the bushes wailing in various tongues. They were most displeased when Titus of the legionnaires instructed they had to hide the evidence of their illness lest humans find blood splatter alarming. The order went through the school at supernatural speed of, "Anyone caught vomiting blood in public will be expelled and the humans will be told you died of a bleeding ulcer." Five of the forty immortals that had enrolled in Forks High dropped out immediately, sniffing about the intolerable standards. I called that a good start. Five more sycophants came and took their place within the hour. I had my work cut out for me, so asked Aro by text if he would mind paying a visit. Aro said through the Marcus-vine that he would be positively delighted as he rubbed his palms together in glee. I liked to think of it as a new form of 'show and tell.' Forks High had a new Italian Groper.

When the first one approached Bella with a disingenuous, "You must be Bella. I can tell by how lovely you are," my dear little silent one stiffened and fisted her hands. We had two layers of guards separating us. Bella bobbed her head in response, and we all kept walking to class. The hanger on continued to pester, "Would you care to join me and my family for dinner this evening?" Dinner my foot. That one thought about making her the main course.

At vampire pitch, I hissed in Oscan, "I can read minds, and if you so much as set foot near my mate I will annihilate your entire coven. Inviting someone over to be the main course is rude. Lethal in this case when the guest is a Telecles."

I shared with Marcus the mental image that idiot Vicente had of drinking and turning my wife. The dim-witted Italian scoffed at me and made a rude gesture and muttered something about how she clearly needed to be instructed in the fine art of love by a real vampire. I was too much of a gentleman to let Vicente know that she had already received more than adequate instruction in that area.

The troglodyte turned and ran smack into Aro, who grabbed him by an arm and caroled, "Vicente, you naughty lad, you showed up for the wrong school. Never fear, I've come to take you home." And his entire coven went 'poof' just like magic with an airy wave of Aro's hand in their direction as they were escorted from the building by his teenage appearing guards. Aro moved so fast that no one noticed him. No one human, that is. And the exiting immortals were too terrified thanks to the judicious use of Alec's gift to protest.

Spanish class was the usual dreary ordeal. We had three unwanted immortals in it. And both were taught manners by Mary Alice when she hissed at them at ranges no human could possibly detect, "You will be silent and refrain from annoying me."

I sat behind Bella and watched her take listless notes. She must have been bored, seeing as she spoke Spanish fluently. I would have to take notes for the both of us. Mary Alice looked on with concern. Even Seth went to the trouble to scribble a note and throw it at me at wolf speed. I placed it on Bella's desk. She opened it to find, "Look alive, sis! I'm going to totally get a higher grade in this class than you are if you keep dozing off," scribbled on it. She buried the note in her pocket and appeared to wake up after that. At the conclusion of the period, Seth gave Bella a half-hug as we departed for our next class. The three unwanted immortal were indignant when one legionnaire and two of my siblings intercepted notes they had intended to land on Bella's desk.

"How come he got to send her a note and we did not?" one of them whined.

"Because he's family," Mary Alice said, "And you do not have our permission to harass Bella. Shoo!"

Walking through the hallways proved surreal. Whereas once it had been this morass of human children, many of whom had blood the smelled far too good for our liking, now it had personally cleared by Aro immortals doing a hideous job of pretending to be human and teenaged. Mrs. Corelli currently had two with badly forged identity papers in her office and was calling the police to come pick them up and arrest their Parents because there was no way those thirteen-in-physical-appearance-year-old children could be the seventeen-year-olds that they claimed. She wasn't born yesterday. Thank goodness Marcus had insisted that immortals join the police force as two showed up in uniform to take the delinquents away.

As we passed through the hallways, we were peppered with enthusiastic greetings galore in a multitude of accents. Bella walked slower with each pace as the attention directed at her increased, and her heart began to beat faster. I could see her painting on her calm-in-a-crises demeanor that Jasper would have envied and ignoring everyone.

Our path was suddenly blocked by this greasy-haired Frenchman, "Why are you not taking French, Meez Swan," he minced.

Even by vampire standards he had body odor issues. He smelled like centuries old sweat socks.

"She prefers Spanish, sir," Mary Alice answered tartly. She stopped breathing his odor was so foul.

"Who might you be?" Rosalie inquired as she reached for Bella's hand and pulled her out of stink-range.

He uttered in pristine Umbrian, "I am Lancelot du Loc. The one and only. I am here to court this fair maiden. You," he sneered up his oft broken nose at me, "do not frighten me."

"He should, and no thank you." Bella answered in hesitant Umbrian.

Mary Alice, Marcus, and I had been tutoring her in it for a month. And my chest swelled with pride. My Bella had a tongue and she used it with skill. I mean. Never mind. My Bella was amazing. Take that Mr. Narcissus-is-there-someone-else.

He ignored her. And that was unacceptable. Sexist, too.

"You're a little old to pass as a human high school student," Mary Alice rejoined in deceptively sweet tones.

"I agree. That is why I am the new substitute teacher for French. The original is quite ill, I'm afraid."

If ill meant drained and buried in her backyard. I flashed those thoughts to Marcus and Bella's guard.

Marcus sighed through the Marcus-vine, "Edward, you may do anything you want to him. Although all you really have to do is sit Lancelot in front of a mirror and he'll be occupied for hours."

I decided the prudent approach would be to ignore the preening imbecile. Lancelot. Not Marcus. The noisome troll would not be in any of our classes. I asked Jugurtha to plan to do something appropriately dastardly to him first thing after school. Jugurtha happily penciled it into our planner.

Starched Shirt Edward sealed the deal with an "Amen!" uttered from his prayer bench as he waved a hand in front of his nose.

Jane tugged at Bella's sleeve and said, "Cousin, you must show me to this English class."

Lancelot was not used to being ignored by men and attempted to take me by the shoulder to inform me so. I could not help it if I used that whole pouring emotion into touch Quileute trick that I could use as a weapon on anyone but Bella. It caused his flesh to smoke upon contact and branded him with a wolf mark. He hid a yelp and retreated to fight another hour, images of death and mayhem on his mind. No one insulted Lancelot. Clutching his palm, he stalked away in high dudgeon, scattering students in his odious wake.

Jessica Stanley did not make it through ten minutes of class before she became ill in a trash can and had to be escorted to the office. She wailed to Mrs. Corelli – and via phone to her Mother – that, "The French dude made me puke he reeks so bad oh my God." Or words to that effect.

Mrs. Corelli personally walked to the class, found the students to be almost faint from lack of oxygen and pointed to the door. "Out!"

"Pardon me?" Lancelot grinned like he found this woman amusing.

"Your services are no longer required. You are dismissed. We will mail you a paycheck for half a day."

"I refuse."

Alec and I joined forces at that moment. Hiding that whole turning colors business the two of us combined our abilities to make life so miserable for Stinky du Loc that he up and sailed out of school. I, of course, would have no idea about supernaturally stabbing at the jackass in his buttocks. Grace suggested it would be a fitting salute to leave wolf marks with each jab burned into his odiferous flesh. I quite agreed. I had the best minion in the world.

Emmett bit his tongue as he saw the Frenchman leave jerking every few feet at his hindquarters.

"Edward, I never thought I'd see the day when you would willingly grope a guy's ass. I'm proud of how much you have evolved."

All the immortals in the room choked. I had to correct my brother. "I did not lay a hand on that oaf. I merely stabbed him a time or nine with wolf tattoos he will forever bear as a token of my esteem."

By Jove, every single class was a mixture of frustration and hilarity. Since we had wolves that sat on either side of Bella, and family members or legionnaires taking every other seat, it kept the aristocrats from attempting to approach Bella and Mary Alice during class. One woman ran from the room and made it just in time to the bathroom to be ingloriously ill. The two that decided to ignore they were pretending to be high school students and did not have to listen to the teacher when he called the class to attention were sent to the office and suspended for the day as Alec explained to them in painstaking detail as he froze them in the office what he would do if they tried to kill a soul. The others quickly learned, much to their outrage, that they actually had to follow these silly mortal rules. One would have thought they had been condemned to the bowels of the Volturi dungeon. Although come to think of it, they were not far off in the comparison, speaking as one who had seen the bowels of the Volturi dungeon and lived to tell the tale. High school was a living Hell.

The "we will not kill annoying humans rule" was emphasized by several youthful-in-appearance armed to the teeth legionnaires who had learned English fluently in the past month to be able to attend class. Not that the aristocrats knew they were legionnaires. But still. They looked scary. If that did not grab immortal attention, the literal army that hid in the area around the school captured the attention of a few, particularly when they captured about ten too-old-to-pass-for-teenagers but not for perverts who lurked with poor manners planning on kidnapping Mary Alice. They had been stupid enough to try and bribe the Legionnaires to join in on their scheme. Jasper had excused himself to personally handle the matter.

Marcus sent out another text that made it quite clear that his family was not to be pestered. I heard the minds of several dismiss him thinking he had sulked on a throne for over a century. Word of Romania must have been exaggerated. They would pretend to follow his rules but get their way, they believed. I felt the need to share those sentiments with Marcus - what Grace had overheard - seeing as my reach was not that far. On days I had migraines. But still.

Jugurtha sighed, "School really is back in session. We are going to be vastly entertained."

"I vote to kill them all and let God sort them out," Starched Shirt Edward chirped. "It's the moral thing to do to protect our wife and these human children from the dregs of the aristocracy."

The official story that explained our return we had left vague on purpose and was not widely known yet. We had told Angela Weber our initial cover story, and drat it all; the woman was not a gossip. Nor were my Father's nurses beyond mentioning around town that we had been stranded in Alaska due to family business.

So my siblings had to start from scratch when they reappeared a few days back. All the students knew was that we had been vacationing in Alaska on a camping trip and our plane had crashed in the wilderness. It had taken us months to hike to civilization. And I had been injured in the accident, which explained my weight loss and slightly haggard appearance.

Jessica Stanley, unfortunately, recovered from her morning bout of hysterics, still found me stalker-worthy. She attempted to tell me twice what a good cook she was and how I clearly needed "fattening up." I refrained from explaining to her about the obesity epidemic that currently swept American children and how she, herself could have a healthier heart if she lost ten pounds.

The next two classes passed with much the same frustration. Every new aristocrat we encountered had to go about trying to solicit the attention of my bride and Mary Alice. My sister handled them with ease. But my dear little one seemed to droop more as the hours passed, much to my concern.

Rosalie leaned over and wrote on Bella's notepad, "Do you want to go home? You look tired." Shaking her head in the negative, Bella indicated she preferred to remain at school with a quickly scribbled refusal.

Due to an over-curious teacher who kept me after class with morbid curiosity about Alaska, I was late arriving to lunch. Once I purchased a lunch tray, I discovered Bella sitting by Angela and Ben with half a grilled cheese sandwich on her plate and a bottle of water. At top human speed, I sped to the table. Mary Alice had saved me a seat.

Words escaped my lips faster than Mercury's feet as I begged her, "Bella, please take your medication and eat so you will gain weight. Think of your poor heart."

I put the tray down on the table beside her and took her plate. Efficiently, I replaced it with a perfectly nutritionally balanced lunch with an orange and her favorite lemonade. Wordlessly, I handed her medication that she kept in her messenger bag, which from her blood's smell had worn off.

Mary Alice, horrified, leapt up as Emmett managed to conceal dragging me away from Bella's side with a realistic sibling-like, "Hey Edward, nice to see you, buddy. You look starved. Here, eat my food."

He pulled me into a chair and like the good fake human I was, I used my manners to consume the revolting ratatouille and Salisbury steak. The gravy slid like peanut butter laced with razor blades down my throat. Decimus stared at me from across the table like he was trying to figure out which limb to rip off first.

My sister sat by my bride and patted her back apologizing and saying that I was a complete idiot. Bella reached across Mary Alice for her cheese sandwich, ignored the food I had left for her, and finished it as if every bite pierced her tongue in pain. Without a word to anyone, she left the pills untaken on the tray and left. No one said a word in the silent cafeteria the entire time. Even the invading aristocrats.

I grabbed Bella's medication and started to walk after her determined that she'd take it if I had to force each pill down her throat. Emmett came by my side. Mrs. Corelli had been summoned by a fearful cafeteria worker, and waited in the lunch room's entrance for me. She marched towards our table, and glared at me like I was an insect beneath her shoe. Mrs. Corelli intercepted Bella right as I reached her, swept Bella into her arms and indicated with a well manicured palm that Emmett and I needed to accompany them to her office.

Mike Newton growled at me as I passed, "Way to go being a complete asshat on her first day back in school."

Mrs. Corelli's lips twitched and she pretended to suddenly grow some kind of hearing impairment and refused to correct Mr. Newton for his crude use of language. I longed to break his legs all over again. Jugurtha voted 'no,' and told me I had more important matters to attend to.

It took effort, but I managed to ignore the seething venom from the other students in the cafeteria who could not believe I had humiliated Bella like that. Images of the past months that featured a quiet-as-the-grave withering away day-by-day Bella buffeted me about like a paper ship in a violent sea. Only my acting ability kept my features still.

In silence, we walked into Mrs. Corelli's office. Like the considerate husband that I was; I constructed a shield that kept nosy immortal ears from hearing a word. At wolfpire speed, I mentally created a script in which I recited all the reasons piously why I was in the right.

"Would you mind explaining to me just what the heck is going on? Bella sit down before you fall over." Mrs. Corelli helped her into a chair.

"Bella is suffering from a heart condition. She was just released from the hospital where she's been for several weeks. I was trying to get her to take her medication." I used my most sincere tone, concerned yet responsible. "See?" I held out a fistful of tablets and her appropriately labeled medication bottles. Bella appeared to try to sink further into the chair.

Mrs. Corelli looked alarmed and her mind raced in panic as she reached for the phone. She mentally stopped, thinking my Father was no longer her doctor, and wondered if I had taken to pushing drugs.

"As you can see by the labels, my Father prescribed the medication, and is her physician. The power of attorney signed by her Father is still valid."

Emmett tried to be of assistance and added, "Feel free to call our Father if you like. And Bella and her family are living with us while she recuperates."

Mrs. Corelli through gritted teeth said to Bella, "Is all this true?"

Bella nodded and crossed her arms.

"Yes ma'am it is," Emmett answered for my fuming bride, "I apologize for Edward. He means well. Bella really is sick. We have all been very worried about her. And that is her medication that she should have taken half an hour ago."

Bella fumed and started to wheeze and clutch at her chest. Mrs. Corelli bellowed for the nurse to come in and take Bella's vitals. The nurse, Mrs. Ottel, from her memories had lots of practice taking Bella's blood pressure and temperature.

I raised an eyebrow at Mrs. Corelli as she dialed Chief Swan first, who asked that the phone be passed to his daughter.

"Bells, I need you to take your medication. Or I'm going to come get you and put you back in the hospital myself. And you have my blessing to belt whichever Cullen offended you just this once."

That earned a snort from her followed by, "Ok. Bye."

She stared at a handful of pills that she reluctantly accepted from Emmett. Mrs. Corelli poured Bella a tall glass of water from a pitcher she kept on a side table in her office sitting primly by a philodendron. Bella took them and swallowed in a gulp. She also took two puffs of her inhaler as we all watched. The nurse pronounced that she thought Bella would live.

"Bella, you will need to keep a supply of your medication with the nurse as per school policy. Take this form home and have Dr. Cullen or your Father sign it." She handed Bella a piece of paper.

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry. I forgot." The paper vanished into her messenger bag. She studied the plant on the table and said, "May I please be excused? I don't want to be late for class."

Mrs. Corelli said kindly, "Of course, dear. Run along now. And the garden has missed your touch. Let's plan on letting you tend it this week." I moved to follow and the Vice Principal snarled, "Mr. Cullen – both of you. Have a seat."

I did not want Bella to have to carry her messenger bag. Emmett had hauled it to the office, but she needed it for class. Quietly defiant, Bella lifted the bag and exited the room and made her way to the hallway. She found Jane and Alec waiting with her guards and Mary Alice and Rosalie. Jasper was in gym contemplating pounding my face instead of the basketball he dribbled against the floor.

Alec took Bella's messenger bag with a smile. Jane put an arm around Bella's shoulder and said, "Men can be such imbeciles. I brought you your lemonade. By the time I am done with you, I will have you running circles around him." She handed Bella a full container.

Bella smiled and said, "For someone who is pretty scary, you're awfully nice."

"Shh, don't let anyone know. You'll ruin my pristine reputation," Jane smirked.

"Mr. Cullen, am I boring you?" Mrs. Corelli snapped fingers in front of my nose.

"No ma'am. I'm sorry."

"Wipe the deer in the headlights expression off your face and listen up." She then proceeded to lecture me on gentlemanly behavior and her expectations that I would not harass my beloved in any way. "From what I have been told you made Bella the center of attention and embarrassed her this afternoon, junior." My name was not junior. "I overlooked your escapades with Gianni because the troll was repulsive and I did not have any evidence on him until you two caught him red-handed. I will not ignore you picking on a female student. I expect better behavior from you."

I put on my best tragic mask and told Mrs. Correlli, "Being away from Bella these past months has been difficult. Finding her so ill . . . I merely want to help her."

I even breathed on Mrs. Corelli a time or two. She looked at me about as interested as if I recited weather statistics. Frankly, she acted as if weather statistics might actually have impressed her more.

"That might work on other folks, Mr. Cullen but the dewy-eyed pouty lip routine actually bores me." She turned her glare to Emmett. "Was he brain damaged in that plane crash you had?"

Emmett blurted, "No!"

"Mr. Cullen-the-questionably-elder," she continued her verbal harangue narrowing her focus on Emmett, "I expect you to keep junior here in line when he is in school. I have rearranged your schedule to ensure that you are in every class with him. I have every reason to believe with your kind assistance that he will behave himself. I also have requested that you be seated by him."

Emmett whispered at vampire pitch. "Dude, you are so busted."

"But I'm telling the truth!" I wailed at the same frequency, brimming over with righteous indignation.

"And HuffWard, you have a new nicknamed: JerkWard. After that display in the lunchroom, I kinda think it fits, actually. AssholeWard is too much of a mouthful. I know it's not fair, but they blame you for her physical condition."

Jasper had, much to his dismay, not had time to sit me down for that heart-to-unbeating heart session he had planned. At present, he was working on his question list with unholy glee. This really was the first time my family had spoken about my leaving Forks since Italy due to assiduous manipulations on my part.

"How was I to know that I had mated? I was trying to save the family from Victoria and legions of immortals. I did not want Jasper to have to kill his own wife. I left Bella guarded," I seethed in frustration and rage.

"Generally you know you have mated because you feel overwhelming love for the other, Edward," Emmett replied mildly.

"I did not know what love felt like. I did not remember many human emotions after my transition. I had a vision and gained all my human memories back the day she . . .. And Bella understood why I left to chase after Victoria and encouraged me to go."

I bit off the rest of my explanation because really, it was not their business. And I couldn't believe I had blurted out that much, albeit at vampire speed. Remembering Bella's lifeless face floating through the water had me wanting to kill everyone in the building. Now.

"I know Buddy. I figured that out watching you all those years. But now you do know, and that's progress. I'm proud of you. Now stop trying to die for the family because that irritates me. We love you just as much as the others." And that was that, as far as Emmett was concerned.

I begged Emmett with my eyes for help with Mrs. Corelli. He cocked his head at me at watched me writhe in agony. Mentally he said, _"Edward, you need to get practice speaking. Talk to the woman,"_ he gestured at vampire speed to the Vice Principal, _"It's not like she can bite you." _Then he yelped, _"Buddy, you need to calm down, you're starting to glow green. I'm sorry for pulling your leg. Please let Jasper calm you down. Dang, you shielded the room didn't you? I can't let you fry Mrs. Corelli. She's one of the few humans in Forks I actually like."_

He rued the day they played that joke on me and that Jasper now had to ask permission before dosing me with his emo-gift. I schooled my features into a picture of sincerity.

Jugurtha whispered into my ear while Starched Shirt Edward recited a few prayers in Latin.

"Mrs. Corelli, I apologize if my behavior appeared . . . untoward." Saints preserve us; I loathed talking now more than ever. It seemed every time I opened my mouth, I only made things worse. I should simply take another vow of silence for the next seven or nine decades. Wait. That would not work, either. Drat.

I blinked down at the short little Vice-Principal's gimlet expression, and realized Genevieve had merely been reincarnated into a different body. It did not matter that they inhabited the earth at the same time, the idea was the same. Perhaps Genevieve simply invaded her spirit? Either way, she was bedeviling me. "I am sincerely worried about Bella's health. She has not been taking care of herself. She had lost thirty pounds when I found her. I had to carry her to the hospital myself, because she refused to go," my voice began to take on a strident tone.

"I know all about what she's been doing Mr. Cullen. Unlike you and yours, I've had a front row seat. And you aren't the only one who has taken her to the doctor's, you know." Her mind flashed to a picture of her finding Charlie sitting in the emergency room mangling a newspaper while he waited for news on his daughter who had fainted at school. "You are going to have a new code of behavior starting now. You have told me, and Bella's Father has confirmed that Bella has a heart condition. Upsetting her will only make it worse. You are, therefore, not to cause her emotional distress at school. You will be permitted to keep your current schedule under one condition. You will not address Miss Swan aside from greeting her one time once a day, so I suggest you use your one conversational opportunity with care. After that, you may only respond if she elects to speak to you – which I highly doubt she will seeing as she's about as talkative as her Great-Uncle. I will talk to all of your teachers and ensure that you two are not assigned to work as partners on any projects, and that they understand your behavioral conditions. You will not be sitting by her, either. The first time you deviate from this plan, I will move you to other classes. The second time you deviate I will suspend you for the day. The third time for the week. Are we clear?"

"I doubt that's legal." I fumed.

"Sue me school boy," she drolled. "How do you think your Parents would react if I called them and described your most recent behavior?" She brightened at the idea and positively beamed with a ruthless salesman's smile, "Say, let's find out."

Then the Italian barracuda picked up the phone, put both my Parents in a three-way conference call and read them the riot act on my behavior. My Parents were most enthusiastic in their support of the new behavioral plan. Father apologized to me at vampire pitch that they had to play along.

Aloud at human speed, Father said. "Edward needs to work on his social skills, and we assure you that as his Parents we will see that Bella is left in peace."

After agreeing to meet for lunch the next day with them to iron out the details of my new behavioral plan, 'Evangeline' as she insisted my Parents call her now, hung up the phone on them and turned to stare at me with a harsh look that Jane would have envied.

For half a second, I forgot which one was the immortal and which was the prey as she leaned over me and barked, "You could always just put us all out of our misery and take the GED and skip down the road to harass the community college, seeing as we bore you here. But somehow I think if you did, you'd just end up standing on the street corner waiting for her to exit the building like a stalker. Fix your mess." There! Right there! Proof that Genevieve had used her as a sock puppet.

Inwardly I fumed. This was so unfair. I was not a stalker. I was married. You can't stalk your mate. Fine. She didn't know about that married and mated part. But still. Outwardly, I insisted on displaying wounded bewilderment and ineptitude, the second part being not all that hard to feign. I nodded at Mrs. Corelli in agreement and left sulking for the classroom feeling like a caged lion at the zoo being poked by mischievous children.

The students at Forks were fascinated. And nobody, me included, was going to be touching my booty – I mean my bride. During school hours.

Jane's phone rang as they walked to the next class. She answered it in vampire pitch hiding the device behind the bulky guards, mentally irritated that human children weren't supposed to be using the phone they would have to pry from her undead hand. She hung up after a few terse syllables. Alec stared at his own phone as he, too, received a message.

Emmett and I walked behind them but within what Emmett believed to be my range. He nodded his head and said, "Edward, what's going on?"

With distaste, I responded at vampire pitch, "Those murders that Jane and Alec had been tracking all those months ago," my voice trailed off as I swallowed bile in disgust, trying to keep the little bit of human food in my stomach. We had to duck into a bathroom. Once I had rinsed out my mouth, Emmett said, "Yeah? What about those murders?"

"Apparently, they had resumed with a fury that caught them off-guard. In seven states, ten women had been found butchered like the others." They had all died in a manner that I was too well mannered to describe. "All were five foot four with long brown hair and brown eyes."

"Aw Jeez. What else?"

I clenched my fists, "All had the word 'vengeance' carved into their upper backs in Latin. Ten women in nine States matching Mary Alice's description had also been found. On what was left of them had been carved 'Raphael.'"

Right about then, Mary Alice crumpled and Bella caught her as my sister had a vision. In it, a dainty dark-haired woman grabbed Bella and said to her in Spanish, "Hello my dear, my name is Maria, and we are definitely not going to be friends."

* * *

**Please review. It's the friendly thing to do. Maria says so. More Edward and Bella coming up in the next chapter.**

**AN: The title of this chapter is "But Forgiveness is Divine" because I wanted to show different aspects of forgiveness being shown (or not) in this story. I also wanted to flesh out the idea that forgiveness is one thing, but reconciliation is entirely another. Bella really did forgive Edward when he asked her to. He did not ask her to reconcile. And he's trying to ask her without asking her by showing her his devotion so she'll trust him. And he managed to get her to open up a bit in this chapter - which was huge - and then he managed to make her angry - which also was huge. He got Bella to react. To him. As for Mrs. Corelli, her bark is worse than her bite. She figures Edward barely speaks so announcing this is his punishment is a token because the guy has never spoken that she's seen. So she looks tough but is actually encouraging him to think before he opens his mouth. And she's giving Bella a sense of control in that Bella gets to choose if she wants to answer or not. Put yourself in Bella's shoes. What do you think she's thinking about Edward and his family? And how awful is it to have all those snooty immortals staring down their noses at her? Bella's about ready to up her game - stay tuned for the next chapter.**

**Snarky Summary: Aaron and Jasper have a chat about the good old days. And women. And Jesus, Maria, has it coming to her. And I don't mean a Hallmark greeting card. Edward and Leah have a chat about that pesky forgiveness issue and bond some more. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder and insisting that I tell you that by bonding he means conversing – not the lurid thoughts he knows you have in mind. Degenerates. Leah is his family. Unfortunately. *sniffs*. And Jugurtha says Leah has the new killer blues. And she can't forgive Sam which Edward thinks is totally fair. Fake forgiving is wrong. He should know. Marcus gives Jasper permission to execute the immortal child.**

**Edward and Bella have a chat about oh everything as she flits from topic to topic discussing lies, treachery, and her family. Edward gives her the 411 on why all the immortals are after her assets. Edward begins his campaign to win his wife back in earnest by actually speaking to her at length. Hezekiah takes him for an extended training session that winds up with Edward locking lips with Arria and begging the powers to save him. He gives up something precious in order to be able to continue to use the powers. Sacajawea tells him he passed his first part of this test and like a typical woman disappears without a word. She doesn't call. She doesn't write. She doesn't send flowers. **

**School is stuffed with snotty, haughty, purple-blooded aristocrats that want to stick their noses up. . . never mind. Bella has a new set of bodyguards that can beat everyone up. Edward makes an ass out of himself in the cafeteria and now if officially in Bella's dog house again. And Maria leaves a little present, well several little presents, as a gift to Edward and Jasper. Hugs and Kisses, too.**

**References:**

**Limbo is a fun game. Try playing it on roller skates:**

**http:/www (dot) ehow (dot) com/about_5121439_limbo-game-rules (dot) html**

**Researching this story often takes me to places where I learn things perhaps I never wanted to know. The practice of making a soldier kill his own family is unfortunately not something that I dreamt up from my twisted imagination. I took the happenings of what has happened in Uganda to create the story of Aaron.**

**Eichstaedt, P.H. & Eichstaedt, P. (2009). First kill your family: Child soldiers of Uganda and the Lord's resistance army. Chicago, IL: Lawrence Hill Books.**

**The prayer Aaron said is from the Civil War:**

**http:/veteransprayers (dot) tripod (dot) com/id9 (dot) html**

**Head Shrinking tribes are a thing of the past.**

**http:/archaeology (dot) about (dot) com/od/fiction/ss/2009_expedition_week (dot) htm**

**For more on grief:**

**http:/www (dot) scientificamerican (dot) com/article (dot) cfm?id=five-fallacies-of-grief**

**To learn more about depression:**

**Here's a link with a video from the National Institute of Mental Health:**

**http:/www (dot) nimh (dot) nih (dot) gov/health/topics/depression/index (dot) shtml**

**WebMd has a great site as well:**

**http:/www (dot) webmd (dot) com/depression/default (dot) htm**

**Tolstoy' Anna Karenina is considered a classic of Russian literature:**

**http:/classiclit (dot) about (dot) com/od/annakarenina/a/aa_annakarenina (dot) htm**

**For more on classical literature ranging from Chinese, to Greek to Roman this site is cool:**

**http:/web (dot) cn (dot) edu/kwheeler/resource_lit (dot) classics (dot) html**

**There really is a hat museum in Portland, Oregon**

**http:/www (dot) roadsideamerica (dot) com/tip/12245**

**And a button king. Really.**

**http:/www (dot) roadsideamerica (dot) com/story/18752**

**I wish I could say I was kidding about the Darwin Award. It's really sick satire. I could envision Edward reading this and shaking his head pre-meeting Bella.**

**http:/www (dot) darwinawards (dot) com/**

**This article on manscaping is hilarious. Seriously.**

**http:/www (dot) boston (dot) com/lifestyle/fashion/articles/2009/08/27/a_manscaping_backlash_has_begun/**

**Do not drink anything while watching these videos. You have been warned. For more entertainment on that subject the razor company Gillette offers signs that they have a sense of humor:**

**http:/ifitshipitshere (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2009/06/gillettes-hilarious-manscaping (dot) html**


	59. HOD pt 48 About That Marriage Business

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Eight – About that Marriage Business**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.

Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills.

Thanks as well to wtovc, Katinki and pomme_de_terre for their assistance.

*****This chapter contains violent content. And excessive snark. You have been warned. It also has a happy ending. And a shameless bribe at the end.*****

Many thanks to those who have read!

A thousand thanks to all of you who have reviewed, PM'd, tweeted and shown your support in ways that have touched me. I'm finishing this story because of you. Shout outs to my muses: DawnStimson, Ori1, Lady Dragona, Dellatwi, RosalieSmiled, TwilightMomofTwo, jmolly, mortangel, mamato, Fitten, prettyflour, Mutt N. Feathers, avidreader69, Disney Vampire, CindyWindy, Angelbach, elphabacy35, Codelina, Viridis73, Fleur, redsoxlove, schleprock, MsLessa, summerc79, Robs_Muse, JaJiTxXx, KristinHazzard, Rogue, necroscope52, pomme_de_terre, Merrisol, angelflip, kimboacp, TraceyJ, mousekemom, fanficreader83, nocturnal_rendevous, Rgwmnks, notmyself, Victoria Maundrell, Ksangi, twaddles, June, Sariedee, shc92, Kaitlyn145, LoreliD, Karalynn79, Iceangel7, Mitmee_pie, cindyjo, and Cullen Pearl.

Songs for this chapter:

I will Love You – Fisher: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=nsBvgAnhr7w&feature=related

You Can't Hurry Love – Phil Collins: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=5s7GidH3CMU

Groovy Kind of Love – Phil Collins: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=dmtN7vCLsrg&feature=related

Forever For You – Daryl Hall and John Oates: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=K8MT1X3LpyY

Too Late – Fisher: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=uxmScJCMvHo

Windmills of Your Mind – Sting: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=kb9dcv1xDiY

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Hi there! *waves* Things you need to know from previous chapters that may assist you in understanding this one. Let's start out by giving you a timeline. It's been almost two months since Edward kinda ran into Bella in Europe and carried her off to bed – a hospital bed. They did not do all that much talking while in the hospital, but played lots of games. Not those types of games - Degenerates. Alas. And now that they've both been sprung from the hoosegow, they have returned to Forks High for a tough first day back to class. **

**In this story, Edward was gone (and his family) from spring to all of the fall semester. And to explain their long absence, the Cullens invented a story about being stranded in Alaska – which was totally true – due to a plane crash - which kinda sorta was not. So the students are all kinds of curious, especially the new we're-not-sure-how-to-pretend-at-being-human vampires that are lurking around every corner in the school. And life for them just sucks. They aren't allowed to drink a single puny human. And they are surrounded by these other humans in every class that literally make them vomit. Even worse, anyone caught spewing in front of a human – if it's blood - will immediately be suspended by the immortal police outside the school that are there to remind everyone to mind their manners. And Edward has been all but sitting on his hands he has so many questions he wants to ask Bella about teensy things like why she sat on the secrets in Ephraim's diary all those years without saying a word. But he's trying to be a gentleman and give her space. And that isn't working out all that well. Oh heck, let's see what Mrs. Corelli's diary has to say:**

_**There are days I love my job and days I want to cry. Poor, poor Bella Swan. One of the Cullen kids – the one that looks like the love child of a tall thin version of Silent Bill, Bob, Bubba, whatever the character's name is and Howdy Doody– flipped out in the cafeteria and all but chased her with a handful of horse pills she has to take. The entire school got to hear from him a reminder of how thin she is and how sick she's been. She certainly looked like she was begging the ground to swallow her whole on the spot. So I dragged her and Mr. Would-Be Boyfriend and his brother into my office. Then I find out she's got a heart condition. Poor thing looked like she was going to die in the chair in my office. The Cullens have never been troublemakers – although I've got my eye on that Jasper. He looks like he's been around the barn a time or two and way too innocent. Which clearly means he's up to something. He might allegedly be dating his adopted sister, but he's been all but smoldering looking at some of the Eurotrash new students. So I bellowed at Cullen jr. about his oafish ways. Kid never talks anyway, so I limited him to talking to Bella once a day. Seeing as he never speaks, it might actually encourage the dope to say something meaningful. I hope this makes her feel like she's got some kind of control in her life. Three more months and then I don't have to chant my daily prayer about how seeing as I'm an administrator and all I can't kill that bitch Lauren Mallory with a Jimmy Choo heel through her shriveled heart and burn her at the stake. I am professional. I am professional. I am professional. Fuck it, I'm totally making a voodoo doll of that bitch. I am professional. I am professional. **_

**End of Mrs. Corelli's ranting, I mean diary.**

**Another thing you might want to consider since this is EPOV is maybe he's not always right about things, yanno? Katinki calls it the unreliable narrator. Like, for example, he totally misread how he felt about Bella from day one. Maybe he should give others the benefit of the doubt too, eh? Just because you're a mindreader doesn't make you a know-it-all. He sure seems to believe he's suffering while ignoring the hands reached out trying to help him. And it could be that he's so used to suffering that he perceives everything through that lens. But also, he is going through the process of contemplating the ramifications of his actions. And he's realizing them in bits and pieces, not all at once. By taking off in the way he did and the choices that he made, Edward unintentionally did harm to many people that counted on him. That doesn't go away overnight. And he's now realizing that the road to Hell really is paved with good intentions and doing his best to figure out how to made amends. Without getting skewered by his family. **

**And Bella, ay, yay yay. Pobrecita. Put yourself in her cement shoes. Edward broke her heart, told her she stinks, that he asked her out on their trip to the park with the intention of killing her, that he almost killed her on their first kiss, that those three orgasms meant nothing to him, and that he was off to chase after Victoria because of all the problems that Bella and her meddlesome Grandmother had caused his family. What a bitch. Then Bella and her Dad found Paula's house covered in blood. Then Harry died in a ghastly murder. Then the tribe got attacked. Lots. Then Sue perished right before Bella's eyes with a freaking arrow sticking out of her eye. And Bella was getting sicker every day that passed. She only knew Edward for about three and a half months. Then he left. She's been around him, highly medicated for the most part for two months. Why should she take him back after such a short amount of time? More importantly, Edward hasn't even asked her to take him back for that matter. Take heart, though, we are approaching the end of the Heart of Darkness arc.**

**So this Maria, she has, ahem,**_** issues**_**. It's hardly **_**her**_** fault she stumbled upon Jasper his royal Hawtness and had to take a little bite or three out of his tasty neck, and a ride or nine thousand, now is it? An arch-villainess has needs, too. Besides, it's hardly **_**her**_** fault Jasper was married, not that she pays attention to those little social conventions seeing as she's still pissed off Caius crashed her wedding before it ever happened and murdered her groom and family. Maria would like you to know that by immortal vengeance standards she's an almost humanitarian. She was nice enough not to kill Jasper's wife – for good – and even gave her a job and her eternal life a sense of purpose. *sniffs* Also, she did live up to her promise and reunite them. She never agreed to a timeframe. So there. She can't be blamed he went off and mated with someone **_**else**_**. Who does that? And he owes her by her count fifty-five years worth of orgasms. And she plans on collecting. She understands he's mated so Maria says it's totally fine with her if Alice watches. **

**Now that Maria, she REALLY knows how to hold a grudge. Kidnap your best friend's child and hold him hostage without anyone having a clue for centuries because you're a wee bit mad at her husband for massacring your family in a fit of choler. Only don't let anyone know about the hostage holding part. Just meticulously plan world domination over time. Aaron and Jasper catch up on old times talking about wine, women, and long - ing for Maria's . . . well, you know. Not that. Perverts. They are high-minded. They are only interested in her body for vivisection purposes. Really. They want her head on a stick. In more ways than one.**

**Edward has a test from the Quileute powers that in a moment of desperation due to Arria giving him that kiss of unlife business (thanks to Jmolly for that line) he agreed to give up the pleasure associated with Bella's scent. Have you ever been hungry – so hungry your stomach hurt? Well, imagine being around something that makes you that hungry. Except you no longer experience pleasure around it, despite knowing that it is your favorite food. You just want to eat it. And that, my darling readers, is where we find Edward. Sure, he wants to drink Bella dry. The mechanism aside from that whole self-discipline dealio of his that kept her in one piece was that he experienced mind-blowing pleasure at the whiff of her. Now he just craves her with mind-blowing hunger. I should also add for clarification purposes that he did not give up the healing power of her touch, or the calmness that it brings him. So he can go around her and feel better, while trying desperately not to drink her dry. Gee, thanks. Goodbye Future Us Sex Life. *wails* Also, Edward chose what he was going to give up. The spirits never told him it had to be something that extreme. They can't help it if he's a stupid white vampire. **

**Bella gets sprung from the hospital;only to return to a brand new Forks High school. I mean Forks High stuffed to the rafters with aristocratic immortals who all vant to suck, never mind. Edward shows he has progressed in that talking business, especially in the tact and diplomacy part, so much so that Mrs. Corelli decides to act as his personal mentor/coach in all things communication. She puts him on the Corelli Courtship 101 Plan: How to court your wife in one sentence or less. It's for the discerning conversationalist. With that in mind, we find ourselves back at Forks High. The Cullens have just learned that Maria's been accidentally-on-purpose leaving human bodies all over the place. Alice having slumped into Bella's arms experiencing a vision of Maria having Bella in her clutches cooing threats. Edward is not amused. Neither is Jasper. For the record, there is no girl-on-girl action going on. Yet. **

**Did you ever wonder how "the deal" came to be made? I did. Here's my version of what sparked it.**

**And so we begin.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight: Part Forty-Eight – About That Marriage Business**

Emmett touched my shoulder during Mary Alice's vision of Maria with my beloved in her clutches, and witnessed the entire event; Marcus, too. My brother and I both threw up our hands in frustration when the vision abruptly ended. We bellowed things along the lines of "Gee Whiz!" - like spectators at a sports game when a referee made a ridiculous call.

Vampires were not supposed to age from the time of their change. Or show it, much. Alice, for example, had her hair cut prior to her transformation and it remained that length. I had never quite understood why pre-age-over Marcus, Aro, and Caius had skin that seemed so thin when the other legionnaires did not appear to have complexion issues. And the Volturi wives did not appear to be similarly stricken. Tanya and her sisters were almost as old as Marcus and their skin seemed 'normal' which is why Maria appeared like a freak of nature.

Her skin had taken on a - for lack of a better word - she resembled the vampire version of a Dalmatian canine. Black glistening patches covered her skin irregularly. Some of them squirted like bubbling oil. And I do not mean to be rude, but time had not been kind to Maria. From his vision from Hell of his turning, I could understand why young Major Whitlock had stopped to converse with such a pretty lady on the day he had perished at her teeth. This incarnation? Bloated like a three day old corpse, yellow blisters ran up both her black spot-blighted arms. Young Jasper would have thought her dead and kept moving. Bubonic plague victims were more attractive.

Grace decidedly expressed her revulsion. She showed me that it seemed Maria had found herself a fiend to snuggle up to. One that made Paula's STD – spiritually transmitted demon - look like child's play. Supernaturally speaking, I could not tell where the demon began and she ended.

Emmett yelped something that sounded like, 'Edward, what the heck is that?'

Marcus' succinct answer via the Marcus-vine chilled me. _"She's literally gone to the damned. The demon that inhabits her will ultimately swallow her whole and she knew that from the time she entered their arrangement."_

"Now that," Jugurtha, breathed, "is one seriously vengeful woman."

"She made a deal with Satan?" Starched Shirt Edward appeared stunned.

"I'm afraid so. Well, with one of his henchman anyway." Just this once, I took pity on him and decided to be nice.

"But why?" He sounded so forlorn, "She could live as an immortal instead and possibly come back to Christ's arms. Why abandon all chance of redemption?"

Jugurtha attempted to expound on the unexplainable to Starched Shirt Edward, "Because she could not control her craving for revenge." As sorry as I am to say it, I understood Maria-Antigone perfectly. Generations ago, Caius had slaughtered her family and enslaved her.

Marcus explained, _"That woman has broken the one law we have that is even more taboo than immortal children. Now we have two excellent reasons to kill her. Not that we needed one." _

"_What has she done?"_ And I thought I knew _all_ their golden rules. It figures more lurked in the fine print.

"_Antigone's made a deal with a demon –a type that created so much chaos that we thought we had eradicated them all centuries ago. She must have found a way to summon one. She just signed her death warrant, regardless of which faction finds her first. That's why she's operated through surrogates for all this time. At the very sight of her, she'd be killed by any immortal with sense."_

"_We managed to kill the demon that was in Paula,"_ I offered.

"_Yes,"_ Marcus agreed, _"but even though that was an old demon, it was not like the one that this woman has. The longer that it is with the host, the more powerful she becomes, and the more it consumes her as well. We had bad experiences with people afflicted with demons of that type and when the signs began to show, we killed them. I doubt she has long to live. That is why she's acting now."_

Hopeful Jasper asked, _"So all we have to do is wait her out? Maria will die, right?"_

Through our connection, Marcus' voice dashed that hope to pieces, _"She and the demon have become one, Jasper, the demon will consume her body and soul and then find the next person willing to make a deal or that it can overcome. That's why it's become as powerful as it has; it only is attracted to strong immortals." _

"Is that why she wants me?" Jasper asked.

Pityingly, Marcus replied, "Possibly. More likely, the demon wants Alice instead. With that kind of power, the demon would be virtually unstoppable. Also, it would be mated to you, so it would have your eternal services regardless of a bargain with your wife.

"Alice would never consent to let a demon inhabit her."

"Do not underestimate what she would do if it meant preserving your life."

Well, that was simple.

"Move killing Maria to the top of our Agenda of Doom. Because if she ever figured out how powerful my wife was, then we would really be in trouble."

Jugurtha stared at me solemnly over my day planner, like a teacher giving a quiz to a wayward pupil. He tapped his fingers patiently.

My mistake occurred to me then, "Wait, Alice's vision had Maria actually putting her hands on Bella. Too late." We were already in it over our heads.

Back to the present, Bella shook Mary Alice gently. "Alice, what was it?"

Mary Alice acted well. Gently, she said, "I saw someone from the other side of the immortal war trying to talk to us." Well, that was kind of true. With Bella's heart condition, it really would have been inappropriate for Mary Alice to blurt out the truth.

"So they're really coming."

"They are."

"Good. Let's get to class." And with that no-nonsense answer, my bride with the perfect posture ushered her guard down the hall to history class.

We ignored Mr. Harris' lecture. Had he been able to perceive his surroundings at vampire speed, it would have been comical. To the human eye, we appeared to be taking notes, occasionally shifting. In reality, the immortals in the room were texting at vampire speed or tossing memos to each other giving orders. The snotty aristocrats could tell by our grave demeanor that something serious had occurred. So they kept quiet.

Due to her heart condition, Bella could not attend physical education, and I could not leave her alone. Even with Mrs. Corelli's behavioral management plan, she had to grudgingly put us in the same improvised study hall. So we both sat at the office at a table within sight of Mrs. Corelli and the ever-so-vigilant nurse. Apparently, Father excused me from P.E. for the present because of my recovery from the plane crash in Alaska that never happened.

Bella acted confused and angry, and five minutes into the period, Mrs. Corelli decided that she would be more comfortable if Bella sat in her office in a comfy chair with an afghan around her shoulders and drank a hot toddy while reading the novel of her choice. And gosh, Bella's guards could not surround her in this one instance, so Father had become creative and wrote that Alec and Jane both had a seizure disorder that would be worsened by exercise. They joined us as well - I mean they sat by me.

When planning this, we had all shuddered at the idea of Jane and Alec learning how to play dodge ball. She and her brother would kill everyone in the room. A little competitive, those two.

Jane glanced down at her cell phone that was, according to district policy, supposed to be off. At vampire speed, she read the latest update on the bodies of the murder victims, and informed me that, "Your human has fallen asleep. And cousin, dear, you are a complete asshole for embarrassing her like that in public."

"When Miss Jane is having to lecture you on manners . . ." Starched Shirt Edward's voice trailed off, the picture of piety. Pompous prig.

How did I, by being the victim of good intentions, become the bad guy here? Women!

I resemble that remark, I thought, and retorted at vampire pitch in Oscan, "She has a name, Cousin Jane, and it is Bella. She is my _mate_ not my human. In the future, please refer to Bella by her given name." I left off the part that said, _"And I'm already aware of the other issue in regards to my character. Thanks for pointing it out to me so that I can reflect upon the splendor of my horrid nature at length."_ Too wordy.

Mrs. Corelli gently woke Bella up at the end of the period and said, "Do you feel well enough to go to class?"

"Yes, Mrs. Corelli. I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"That's fine, dear. You looked tired. Feel Better?"

"Much," Bella said.

"Off you go," the Vice Principal beamed at her like a mother bird watching her young's first flight.

Calculus awaited us. It took a serious accomplishment in ineptitude for the teacher to take a subject and explain it so clumsily that he managed to completely confound an engineer like Emmett. Rosalie, too. I worried for the future of our country. Really, I did. Fortunately, this class was almost aristocrat-free because none of them could pass the placement exam. Forks High had a bunch in remedial math classes.

The mental whining of the new immortal additions to Forks High began to grate on my last nerve. Not only were the men wailing about how they had to cut their hair and shave their faces in line with the dress code. The women wailed that they could not dress like slatterns, and had to pretend to be virtuous. And Marcus had made it very clear what would happen to anyone caught seducing or snacking on a human. School sucked! And they all burned with curiosity as to why no one had turned the sickly-looking Telecles heiress.

They could all hear she had a bad heart. And see the concern on her not-quite-mate who was a human doctor and not-quite-rational and spoke with an odd accent. I did not. My Oscan was better than theirs, for crying out loud.

When class finally ended, we went to our car. We rode home in silence. Mary Alice held Bella's limp hand and chattered about their school work. Bella murmured in appropriate gaps in the conversation, but appeared to be miles away.

Rosalie glared at me and sent me pitying thoughts, _"Edward, you and I are going to have to talk about women."_ Gods!

This was followed by the cheerful mental pronouncement from Jasper, _"Sonny boy, it's about time we had ourselves a little chat."_ Kill me now. It really was the Lady or the Tiger. Except it was not a short story. It was my miserable life.

We exited the car. Emmett aided Bella, and patted her on the shoulder with a "Take care there, little gosling."

Jane took over and accompanied my dear little not-speaking-to-me-one into the house. Bella retired to the library to tutor Alec and Jane and the rest of her guards in English. The frozen cast to her face made it clear that I required no tutoring from her. Alas. The library door firmly shutting in my face echoed that notion. Leaning my forehead against the wood of the door, I wondered what I could possibly do to fix this. Hari-kari was not an option.

Jugurtha soothed, "You did not mean to hurt her, but you put her front and center in front of the school and talked about her health. If you go in there right now, it will make things worse."

From inside the library, Jane said to my mind, _"Edward, when women are angry they need time to rage. Stop leaning against the door and do something that makes you look less pathetic."_ This coming from the woman with temper issues. Fine. I turned around and plodded upstairs to my room to sulk in peace.

I was going to go as mad as Hades without Persephone.

Downstairs, Rosalie and Jasper sniped at each other about who got to dissect – I mean question me - first.

Jasper told Rosalie, "You have ten minutes, and then he's mine. You can have what's left."

They quibbled like soldiers rolling dice over a beggar's robes. I tried not to take offense at Jasper's statement. Besides, I had run circles around him with relative ease for five decades. Rosalie and Mary Alice both entered my bedroom. I erected a shield around the room because there was no way I intended to let the rest of the immortal world, much less our Parents, hear this lecture.

"What the heck was that at lunch?" Rosalie demanded.

Throat tightening under their glares, I felt like I swallowed a wrecking ball, "I messed up."

"Gee, Edward. You don't say," sarcasm was not a lovely quality on Rosalie's not-so-angelic face.

"What did Mrs. Corelli have to say?" Mary Alice asked.

"She said I can only talk to Bella once a day to greet her."

"That's it?"

"She also asked if I suffered brain damage in the crash."

"No, Edward, I mean she did not give you a detention or anything?"

"What she did was worse." I outlined the behavioral plan and our Parents' addition to it.

Mary Alice and Rosalie both scratched their heads.

Mary Alice spoke for them both, "Wait, she's disciplining you, the guy who detests speaking, by not letting you speak? That hardly seems like a real punishment. Carlisle and Esme's behavior simply meant they were playing the role as effective human parents. So you had a bad day. Let's talk about the fine art of groveling. Listen up."

I left that lecture even more confused. According to Rosalie, no matter what, by being male, in any dispute, I was always wrong. That represented the first Platinum Rule of a relationship. If I had to ask what was the matter, then I was in even more trouble. What was a mind reader to do when he could not read his wife's mind, otherwise? Women! They made absolutely no sense. Where was the justice in this world? It seemed geared towards hating men. Mary Alice normally seemed so practical. How could she agree with Rosalie?

Speaking of which, both left the room. Jasper entered, followed by, and I tried not to gulp, Marcus and King Larce. Jasper had decided to pull out the big guns, the bastard.

"Edward, we thought we would come by for a chat."

I gave them all a look that expressed my "I'd rather swallow boiling pitch than converse" sentiments.

Marcus began, "When it is forming, the mate bond can sometimes cause our behavior to go awry. You only want what is best for your mate and those emotions can become overpowering." Right. That. Exactly. I decided to forget to mention that he had tried to eat his own pregnant-at-the-time bride.

"That is most likely why, Youngling, you misspoke at your meal. You should discuss this with Isabella when she is ready," King Larce said. What he did not have to say was, _"You had better get this cleared up before Arria gets home or you are dog meat."_

I expected Jasper to get out the truncheon out and start beating me as he began firing away the impressively long and thorough list of questions he had in mind. Instead he said in his benign tone – which clearly meant he was up to something that did not bode well – "Edward, I know your emotions have been unpredictable lately. You have to remember that mates also impact each other."

"What?"

"When you are frantic, it bleeds over into Bella's emotional state. When she feels awful, so do you." So Bella explained why I had been walking around depressed for the past. Never mind. I'd been in a bad state far longer, so said Starched Shirt Edward.

"Oh. I did not know."

"So you have to work on trying to shield her while she's human. Your vampire emotions are too strong for her system."

"How do I protect her?"

An hour later, I had the most wonderful relatives of them all. They kept their questions for another day. And I had been educated in the fine art of how to keep my mate's emotions to myself. I mean how to keep my mate from suffering at my hands. As for my thoughts, I seriously doubted that they could penetrate that stubborn-as-a-goat's shielded mind of hers. I think. But it never hurt to be prudent.

That night after dinner, Bella remarked that she was tired. She excused herself to shower. Then my dear little one promptly took herself off to her Father's guest cottage. My silent bride walked right past me without a glance as I sat with the chess board waiting to grovel properly at her ivory feet. Each soft footfall traveling down the stairs felt like a kick in the throat with one of Jasper's steel toed boots. The back door shutting felt sort of final. I sat too stunned to move. Jane and my sisters had both commented that women required time. How long, precisely, they did not stipulate.

"Bells?" Chief Swan answered at her knock.

"Can I sleep on the couch?" Mother had insisted that the one-bedroom cottage be furnished with a plush hide-a-bed model in the living room.

"Sure, kiddo. Let me make it up for you. It's a really nice queen."

Sitting in the bedroom, trying to give them privacy, Paula said through the wolf link, _"Edward, would you mind explaining to me what you did to make Bella so upset she's trying to sleep on our sofa?"_ Haltingly, I did.

"_Oh. Human women sometimes need time to calm themselves. Let her stay here tonight."_ And then I received a marvelous tutorial from Paula in what to actually say that might persuade my bride to forgive me for my offense. She earned every penny of those lawyer fees, my silver-tongued shaman friend. I thanked her profusely.

Once the bed was made, Bella crawled into it. Charlie stretched out by her side. He watched the sporting news.

"Bad day?"

"Yeah."

"You can't win them all, kiddo. But I'm proud of you for sticking it out."

"High school is Hell, Dad."

"I know. But just think. All those colleges that you applied to are already fighting over you. This won't last forever."

Colleges? Applications? I bellowed at Jugurtha that we needed to make immediate inquiries and start bribing a board or two. We had been remiss in our educational planning. And hers!

No matter how mightily I tried, I did not sleep that night. In her Father's guest cottage, it did not seem like Bella rested well, either. Every beat of her heart felt like a reminder; a bony pointed finger stabbing me between the eyes, reciting to me a litany of my significant shortcomings.

Starched Shirt Edward at his prayer bench said the rosary for five hours straight in atonement for our behavior. When that was not bad enough he went from blathering about the Sorrowful mysteries to singing the hymn, "Immaculate Mary," which became a song that would not leave my mind, no matter how hard I tried.

Once Charlie had taken himself off to bed, Arria and King Larce himself had sat watch over Bella, making sure that Paula did not transform and eat my bride while she slept. Not like_ that_. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, were it any other consenting female on the planet aside from mine. Genghis, the mutt, curled up on the front porch and guarded the door from me - I mean from any intruders.

The next morning, Bella breakfasted with her Father and Paula. Arria had arranged for her medication and a fresh set of clothing to be waiting for my dear little algae lover when she awoke. Bella petted Genghis on her way to the driveway. Damn dog. He pranced all the way to the forest wagging his tail at me.

Decimus drove her to school in a separate SUV. I watched in misery from the chase car. My siblings certainly let me have it with their thoughts, but aloud chattered about the weather and a new sport the Lost Covens were teaching them. Something like an extreme immortal form of rugby. With swords. Emmett could not wait to try it out. We pulled into the school parking lot early.

Emmett said, "Hate to remind you of this, buddy, but you only get to greet Bella once a day at school. Use it wisely. Like saying you're _sorry _for yesterday." The resounding silence from my siblings made me human blush for real which made Emmett feel even worse for me. Thank God it was only family in the car. And I had shielded it. But still.

I exited the SUV and headed towards Bella. Her guards acted like they were going to remain in place like Corinthian Columns surrounding a vestal virgin until she gestured that I could approach. What did they think I was going to do to her? Morons. I held out a key that had mysteriously appeared in my hand thanks to Jasper and handed it to her. She turned it into the light and studied it and inclined her head in assent.

We wandered our way to the school's garden. Despite it being late January, the garden still bloomed seeing as it was protected from the elements, heated, and had a sprinkler system. Her guards insisted on examining it to check the room for hidden weapons in the climbing roses and blue butterfly bushes. They were simply harmless flowers. But I appreciated their diligence and discretion as they left us and stood outside. My little bottle cap knelt down at a flowerbed. I fell to my knees by her side, a sinner before a saint.

"What can I do to help? I am so sorry for yesterday. I panicked." I wanted to bite my tongue because that was the only thing I was allowed to say. And I had spat that sentence out so fast I wondered if she even understood it.

Forgiveness manifested in the tiniest inclination of her brow. "We need to weed and trim back the roses."

Standing with his back to us in the hallway outside, Decimus asked aloud in Oscan, "Why is she doing manual labor?"

Jane shrugged, "Arria says she has enjoyed doing it since she was small. Humans like to grow things and smell them."

The garden was well tended in the flower beds with rows of verbena, lobelia, and marigolds standing at attention. The odor of the marigolds drowned out that of the other flowers and made sitting in the garden a sacrifice – one that was worth it.

"What is it?" She asked.

"The marigolds. Why did you plant them?" They were a new addition to the garden.

"They are good at preventing aphids. Are they bothering you?"

"Their odor clashes with the roses." She actually smiled at that observation. "Did you know they were found in Brazil by the Portuguese in the 16th century?"

A flash of interest showed on her face, "I've always thought of them as plain old flowers." There. That meant I could speak again. Baiting my beloved with botanical history. I suppose that made me a biology whore.

Jugurtha said, "I object to that label."

"Why?" I asked.

Starched Shirt Edward blurted, "Whores charge for their services. We don't." Well, that was absolutely right. So what did that make me? A biology slattern? Starched Shirt Edward fanned himself.

Withdrawing from my mental gymnastics, I said, "They even spread to India. The Indians loved them so much they adapted them to use in their rituals."

"So they're like religious symbols?"

Starched Shirt Edward crowed, "See our dear little one cares about religion. Talk to her about Christ's love." I ignored him. The religious panderer of all panderers.

Jugurtha put his hand over his yapping mouth and said, "Hush, don't ruin the moment. He's trying to earn her favor." And Jugurtha was right; I needed to concentrate on her, not my personal peanut gallery.

"Yes," I said speaking more freely as the memory came to mind, "but not just in India. Mexicans sprinkle their petals on the graves of their loved ones on the day of the dead." I cringed thinking maybe that was not the most helpful detail I could have mentioned. "If you like on that day we can visit Harry and Sue."

She set aside several shriveled marigold heads and said, "That would be nice."

But the roses that climbed the walls were all out of control. If I had to guess, I'd say no one had offered to help her trim them. More likely, Bella had not wanted to ask. I started to weed at human speed to the plants she pointed out – even though I already knew which ones had to go. I pretended to be ignorant just this once. That took five minutes. Following her pointed-with-an-index-finger instructions, I pruned back the blooms my dear little one selected.

"Arria told me she always wanted me to be human," the remark came out of nowhere.

"Did she say why?"

Bella reached over and yanked out a weed, "I'm a freak." She tossed it over her shoulder.

"I beg your pardon? Did she call you that?" I could not hide the outrage her words evoked. Or the hurt.

Bella moved and faced away from me. She occupied her hands with a section of the rose tree, pulling at leaves and arranging stems, "Arria said in the immortal aristocratic world, only perfect people deserved to be transformed. Not ones like me that have damaged brains."

Regret washed over me at her matter-of-fact delivery and stiffened spine. I had contributed to that whole issue at the battle with Phoenix when my powers had gone awry and she'd nearly died. Her accidental head injury at my hands had worsened her condition.

"I'm sorry, Bella. This is my fault."

"How? I was brain damaged before I met you. She decided when I was a little kid."

"But I only made it worse. I never meant to hurt you when Phoenix attacked. I did not know how to use my gift, and I lost control and you almost died."

"I know you did not mean to hurt me then." I hated that word, _'then'_ seeing as it was so loaded and all. She veered from our murky past to the present as she turned to face me, "I'm right though, they look down on me like a freak. I have learned enough Oscan to tell the gist of what they whisper."

"Carlisle always kept us away from the aristocracy. But from what I can tell they look down on all of us."

"Why?"

Jasper fought during the Southern Wars and their method of combat . . ." I hesitated, "He is covered with venom scars that the immortals can see. That alone makes them afraid of him."

"What do they think he's going to do?"

"They think he is a savage because they all fought with vampire blades and Jasper did not. Emmett had his skull crushed by a bear, and Carlisle transformed him, but his brain never healed all the way. They know something is not quite right with him but have not yet figured it out. When they do, they'll sneer more at him than they already do."

"That sucks."

"Carlisle and I are both blood related to Jane and Alec. We come from what the aristocrats consider to be a strong line of vampires. But as for the rest of our family, they are plebian to the aristocrats. And we did not follow the diet that most of the aristocracy did of human blood, so they believe us to be weak." I do not remember the last time I spoke so much.

"Oh."

"Marcus has little patience for them. They will behave. If it makes you feel better they do not like me much, either."

"Why do they look down on you?" This was not the time to say, _'Well, you see, I sort of have what they want. You. By the way, happy anniversary. A year ago, we had the truck crash, and I think that's when we mated.'_

"By the vampire world standards, I'm not really a vampire any more. I'm some kind of abomination. Seeing as I come from a good clan, that only makes it worse in their eyes."

"Because of the wolf powers?"

"Yes. It is not _normal_ for a vampire to have a heart beat. So they stare at me, too. They all think I should have been destroyed to hide the family's embarrassment."

"Weasels." She stabbed the trowel into the soil like an explorer would a country's flag on virgin earth. It wagged back and forth.

I could not agree more with that sentiment.

"Bella, we will both be outsiders together. They can all go hang."

We shook hands on it. I refused to call her a freak. Our flesh positively hummed at contact. Years of that acting practice allowed me to pretend to be unaffected. I took hope at her trembling fingers as she moved away from me to open the doorway.

Jugurtha said, "That was well done. You're getting to her."

We left without a word to wash before class. Scrubbing at my nails as I saw the soil vanish down the drain, I wished my other sins could be so easily repaired.

In between each period, the aristocrats peppered my Bella with invitations to dinners, teas, and soirees. Bella seemed to grow tenser with every moment. In English class, I could see her fingers gripping her pen so hard I feared it might snap. Every few minutes she would stop writing and place her palms flat on the desk as if she needed to stretch them. The maneuver failed to hide the tremors. So instead Bella went back to writing with one hand strangling the helpless pen, and the other fisted on the desk as if she planned on hitting the next person that approached.

Her guards caught all the notes the insipid aristocrats attempted to throw to her and made a competition of either tossing them back and hitting the indignant unrequited message composer in the face, or they took turns aiming for the trash can. The teacher and other oblivious humans never noticed - due to that whole immortal moving at rates so fast the human eye could not see business. Nor did they overhear the hissed conversations at vampire pitch that went something along the lines of "How dare you prevent my worthy message from reaching that human girl. Do you know who I am?" The guards and my family never bothered to answer anyone.

A man had his limits. I declared, "As amusing as this all is, the next one of your lot that throws a message to my Bella in this or any other class will die. You all wanted to go to school. Now pay attention and look alive."

Jasper actually had to remind a few that they needed to breathe to keep up that human illusion. He used the period to lecture at vampire pitch the immortals on their not-quite-blending-in transgressions. Jasper had their undivided attention.

Time refused to hurry its feet despite my watching the clock vigilantly enough to cause my siblings to glare at me a time or nine. Bella had forgiven me, so surely that meant she might address me at lunch? I had even brought our old chess set. The second I entered the cafeteria and rounded the corner, I knew what I would be facing. Blocking her body with mine, I gently pushed her into the arms of her guards as the first volley flew through the air.

Waves of human food pelted me from people who 'tripped' and several of the accidental on purpose pitchers yelled obscenities at me. From the eyes of others around the room, I saw the expression on Bella's face as a glob of what appeared to be creamed gravy with an extra dash or nine of black pepper landed on my head and dribbled down my temple. She appeared to be in physical pain. I had erected a barrier around her, but her guards had pulled her out of range.

Emmett said at vampire pitch to the room of horrified immortals in the cafeteria, _"Stand down,"_ he ordered the legionnaires who were preparing to draw their hidden blades.

To the other vampires Rosalie chided, _"You all wanted to blend in and human children fight like this without murdering each other's families down to the last child."_

"_That's why we are the superior breed." _One Russian vampire sneered as he ate his hamburger and struggled mightily to keep it down.

The tomato soup, in particular, burned going down the back of my head into my shirt as the thick plastic bowl smashed against my skull and clattered to the floor. And the mandarin orange slices – Dear lord, the Volturi could use that as a new way to make recalcitrant vampires squeal when being questioned. Some brat had even had the temerity to throw a raw slice of onion at me. Due to the short haircut and all, it had landed like a horseshoe swinging around my ear. Some vicious female had tossed something called a Thousand Island on my shirt. It smelled like it should be named a thousand-stinking-bits-of-some-kind-of-vague-vegetation-coated-in-multi-saturated fat.

The immortals in the cafeteria were genuinely confused as to why I had not annihilated the entire room or simply blocked the missiles with a blast of that infamous, now questionable, power I allegedly had. One snickered that it was only a matter of time before I was no longer a problem seeing as I was so weak and all. Fine, it was petty, but that not-so-smart alec promptly fell asleep face down in his soup, much to the horror of his colleagues. Now they had to sneak him out of school and collectively wailed that it was impossible for vampires to sleep and how mean I was.

"Leave and do not come back and he will wake up. I stripped him of his powers, though." I snarled at vampire pitch, wearing a perfectly victimized expression for all the mortals to see. "Who else wants to join him?" I asked as I was hit in the head with a biscuit.

Jasper threatened politely at vampire speed, "Nobody makes a move towards any human. We must blend in and not be noticed. That takes fortitude that most of you do not have."

One sniped at immortal frequency, "Your brother just made my cousin fall asleep and robbed him of his gift. How is that blending in?"

"Humans faint all the time. Take it from me that Edward really does mean that your cousin will not wake up until you leave and do not come back. He does not tolerate rude behavior by ones who should know better. And he has the ability to strip every last one of you in this room of your gifts."

Emmett yanked one enthusiastic human aside and prevented him from throwing vegetables at me. It was the sandy-haired dim-witted quarterback of the football team, "Want to keep that arm intact buddy?" My brother cheerily asked.

Rosalie glared murderously at one young woman who hesitated on throwing her milk before wisely deciding to drink it instead.

Without a word, hanging onto my dignity by a thread, I put my tray down on my stone-faced siblings' table dropped my backpack, and sped at humiliated human speed down the aisle headed to the gym to shower and change. Someone pelted me with a hamburger bun that had extra mustard on it. Dijon, to be precise. Damned French should have kept that innovation to themselves. They did not call it mustard gas for nothing back then in the Great War.

As quickly as I could, I simply continued walking being pelted the entire way through the room, metaphorically, alas, running my own gauntlet of torturers armed with human weapons-in-the-form-of-hamburgers and spaghetti sauce and hot dogs, the French fries bounced off of me. The cheese and globs of mayonnaise did not. A pear, half coated in high fructose corn syrup by the stench of it, landed in my shirt's front pocket.

"Score!" crowed the fruit tosser, high-fiving his seat mates, who grunted in appreciation at the difficulty of the shot. So far, about half a minute had passed in human time. And I could not resist slinging the fruit back at him to splatter in his startled face. Jerk. Too bad about that broken nose. The blood made all the immortals in the room perk up in their chairs.

"Knock it off!" Bella yelled. Suddenly, the food stopped sailing at me.

Jane zapped a hungry for the wrong kind of drink immortal, timing her attack so it appeared he slipped in a pool of soda.

Remembering my manners, I turned to Bella and called over my shoulder, "Thank you," and continued at full speed ahead. She appeared like she could not decide if she was going to attack someone or cry and massaged her upper chest. I had ketchup running down my left cheekbone, which appeared to cause her further distress. And I could not stay to comfort her, which burned at my soul. Inconveniently immortal, my monstrous nature called and out-ruled any other need.

Rosalie said, "I've got this, Edward. Go clean up. Good job staying calm."

Two teachers escorted the bloody student from the room.

"Please stay here," I whispered to my family, "Take care of her," and fled the second I was out of sight. With every pace away from her side, I could hear her heart beat, smell her fear, and see her pain.

By means I know not, I had the presence of mind to put up a shield around me. With seconds to spare, I barely made it to the bathroom in time before I became ingloriously ill. It most definitely would have caused chaos had I regurgitated deer blood in public before gawping humans. Besides, I had an image to maintain. I could not have anyone hearing me be weak.

I emerged from the stall to find my personal Good Samaritan, Erik Yorkie, staring at me. He had witnessed me sprinting and had followed me from the cafeteria. I kept my mouth shut, fearful I might have blood on my teeth.

"Man, are you ok?"

Erik, fortunately for me, respected my unspoken plea for space as I held up a palm at him.

Hanging my head, I hunched over the sink to hide the pink water that I spat. "No. But I will live." Unfortunately. This whole telling the truth thing was not so difficult with Erik. Especially after putting up a shield around the room. He had a kind face.

Jasper had programmed his laptop computer to save his documents every three minutes. I felt like I, too, ran on some kind of automatic drive; I could not let much time pass without having to check on Bella's welfare. I felt like an old-fashioned radar swinging my gift around the school searching for her and her alone. Three minutes, however, would have felt like an eternity.

To my surprise, I found my dear little wheezy one stalking out of the cafeteria trailed by her intimidating retinue. Decimus and her guards surrounded her, as they approached our SUV. It made sense they would want her to leave. From the legionnaires' thoughts, they were irritated that the humans had not attempted to finish me off. That way I could have killed them all and prevented the guards from suffering another day surrounded by those foul-smelling Quileute wolves and overly hormonal human children who should have been adults with their own children by their day and age. Several of the immortal legionnaires began to get all misty-eyed for the 'good old days' when men were men and women were buck-toothed and short and could not read. Fine, that was rude. But still.

Deciumus opened the back of the car where we stored our emergency supplies. He handed Bella a duffel bag. "These are his."

"Thank you," Bella took long-for-her strides back into the building.

I feared she would trip. But her guards stayed at her sides, and had the good sense to make sure she wore a coat when she elected to dash outside. I would have to work on having them insist she actually have the garment zipped closed when gadding about in the frozen air. Clutching the bag to her chest like a football, she rounded a corner and continued her martial pace heading my way. I needed to take a shower now, before she sent one of the legionnaires in to find me in this state. Searching through Emmett's locker, I found a bag of toiletries and a towel.

Even my boots had not been spared. They had been hit with what smelled like cream of chicken soup. I disrobed as quickly as possible and stood under the hot water trying to scour the multiple stenches from me.

Jasper intended to head my way and I asked him, "Stay there, please. I am well." So instead he viciously unleashed emo-Hell on the kids in the cafeteria, scourging them with guilt and remorse with a top note of shame. Many were worried about Bella, and Jasper ruthlessly took advantage of that.

Erik rifled through his locker for a comb and a plastic bag. When he returned, I said, "Thank you, Erik. You did not have to do that." I stammered.

It was hard enough being mortified and sulking alone. Doing it with company, well, that was something I was not accustomed to. Erik seemed sincerely concerned. And dang it, Bella was stomping in ire towards the gym, guards in tow. Alec and Jane were vastly amused by the display. With my luck, Jane would barge in here and terrify poor Erik to death and try to yank the towel off of me or something like that.

While I bathed as quickly as I could, Erik sat on a bench facing away from me. It humbled me that he picked up my soiled clothing from the floor and folded it as neatly as he could and placed each item in a plastic bag he had retrieved from his locker. He tied it shut making a knot out of the handles and placed it beside my soiled shoes. Erik stood, walked to the sink and yanked a few paper towels from the dispenser, wet them and used them to mop at my boots. He said, "Edward, when my Grandfather had his heart attack, you arranged for your Dad to get to our place in record time. I owe you, and I'd like to think we are friends. Our families go way back." Did they ever.

I turned off the water and wrapped the towel around me. Erik turned and did a double-take when he saw the scars on my abdomen. "Edward what the fuck is that?" His voice rose in alarm. The hot water only made my scars look worse. And my ribs stood out since I had lost weight.

"The wolves – the ones that were responsible for the killings that night at your family's farm."

"Yes?"

"They won't be bothering you again." That was technically the truth. "My family and I handled the problem."

"Is that why you were gone so long?"

"Partly. Yes."

"Edward, when you take a shower, everyone is going to see. What are you going to tell them? And jeez, your shoulder. Man that looks like it hurts."

My wound still had not quite healed and the stitches that Emmett had made, the signs of them, left raised tracks. Erik swore it looked like someone had tried to disembowel me. Good guess.

Drat. "I hadn't thought." Father had medically excused me for the week. But I could not do that forever.

"The story I heard was that your family's plane crashed in Alaska, right?"

"Correct."

"I'm guessing they stayed away as long as they did because of a grizzly attack. Would that work? It sure explains your shoulder."

"It would."

"Jesus. Does Bella know?"

"She's too weak at present to know the real story, but she's seen the scars." He raised a questioning brow and I had to save her reputation, "I had a seizure and Father had to use those funny paddles on my chest the other day." Erik's jaw dropped and I rushed, "I'm better now."

"Do I have to worry about you dropping dead on me in the middle of class?" Alas. No.

"I am on regular medication and my siblings are in my classes with me, but thank you."

"Your siblings don't attend every day. I want your Dad's cell number." He held out his cellular phone, and I recited it to him as he programmed it into speed dial. He must be worried about his Grandfather.

"Is your Grandfather better?"

"He's as good as can be, considering he does not have long to live. I'm worried about you, which is why I asked for the number. If you have a seizure in class, I'm calling your Dad."

"Oh. That would be very kind of you, thank you."

Erik gestured at my chest and he finished programming his phone. "You can't hide something like that forever, Edward, not if you are dating her." I kept the shield up over us, regardless, which irritated the four immortals in the building that lurked in the hallway who could read minds, and the two that had extra hearing capabilities. Bastards. They scattered like sheep in the wake of the legionnaires.

Bella was now about fifty feet from the gym door. I had no earthly idea what she intended. One of her guard, like a gentleman, pulled open the metal door for her. I could hear the patter of Bella's feet on the waxed wooden gymnasium floor. Chief Swan had bought her a new pair of boots, a sensible set that were waterproof and insulated to keep her feet warm and dry. I hated to admit that I would have purchased the same pair, had she let me.

Jugurtha said, "Pay attention to Erik, you can't let on that you know she's coming. He's already suspicious like his Grandsire."

"I am the youngest in my family. I have five sisters," Erik said. "They're all off in college now or married."

"Yes."

"I learned a thing or two about women growing up surrounded by them."

I said nothing.

"Edward, you suck at communicating. You need to learn how."

"I know." Misery crept into my reply.

"What happened the day you left? It looked like you two argued from the cafeteria. It was all everyone talked about for weeks until school let out."

"What did Bella tell you?"

"She never said a word and nobody had the balls to ask from the look on her face."

"She is private." Although I was not bound by regulations such as the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability act of 1996 like my Father concerning her health, I did not feel comfortable blurting out any more than I already had. And I needed to tell him something gossip worthy enough to get him to stop paying attention to my deplorable behavior all those months ago. So I explained what I had all but announced to the entire school in the cafeteria the day before. "Bella has a serious heart condition."

Besides, she was about to do something drastic, given by that pacing she was doing in front of her worried guards. Three different ones offered to take the bag into me. And I was rifling through Jasper's locker trying to find a clean set of clothing, pretending to be unaware. Both my brothers had fallen down on the always-be-prepared front and only had athletic attire in their lockers. Emmett, bless him had left a supply of those mouthwash breath strips. I used three. And sank to a bench.

Erik startled me, "We all know that. I had to drive her to the doctor a few weeks ago when she fainted on me in the parking lot before school started. You don't get it. Bella went from being shy, to almost being mute. No matter how much she ate, she grew thinner. Jessica and Angela even followed her to the bathroom to make sure that she wasn't throwing up her food."

I put my head in my hands.

He continued in a sympathetic voice, "All the girls took turns so Bella wouldn't figure out we were watching her. Even the teachers helped. Mrs. Stanley took to sending sweets with Jessica several times a week. Then Mr. Clearwater was murdered, and I thought that was going to kill Bella. But losing Mrs. Clearwater, too? I have never seen her in such bad shape. And she never cried, which freaked us all out."

"My family and I had to solve that problem from the festival. We left Forks to take care of it. Bella was upset, and I did not handle it well at all." That was all I would ever admit as I rubbed at my eyes. Who would have ever thought she would save me from social disgrace? Bella rescued me by her timely arrival as she pivoted mid-pace and stalked to the door that clearly had the word 'boys' emblazoned upon it.

She muttered, "The heck with it," and yanked open the door to the boys' locker room.

Perhaps a time or ninety-five, I had fantasized about her finding me in the shower while I bathed, with both hands on the soap at all times, thank you very much. Like any virile male, those thoughts were normal. Even my twisted imagination certainly had never envisioned it would happen like this -with Erik Yorkie in attendance. And me being covered in unsightly scars blaring purple, blue, pink, and red. Fate continued to toy with me like a cat batting at string.

Fortunately, I did have a towel on. Sort of. Fine Dammit. I had a large fluffy towel as we had an overabundance of bath sheets in the house. I stood at her entrance as did Erik.

"Here." Bella tossed the bag at me. I human blushed from head to toe and caught it one-handed. The other was firmly on the towel keeping it in place at my waist. "Erik," She offered him a regal nod as if they met over a chess board. Bella pretended as if she was not standing before me and staring with unreadable features at the unsightly marks that covered my chest. I wanted to turn my back to her, and aside from stepping inside a bathroom stall or lunging in an unmanly display behind a bank of lockers, there really was no place to hide as my ears flamed. And she did not look like she was going to attack me and tear my towel off. Much to my misfortune.

To add to my disconcertment, her guards followed her into the room, so now I had another reason to be nervous - I mean be cautious - with my behavior. We could not have a scandal starting. And for crying out loud, Jane had joined. Marvelous. If I did not exercise appropriate caution, this alarming predicament could transform into something akin to the newborn orgy-that-never-was part two. I turned my back to them. Bella walked around to face me.

"Thank you, Bella." I said that instead of, _"Please leave the room before I forget I am a gentleman and attempt to seduce you, audience be damned."_ Fine. I had no intention of uttering those words. But it was the thought that counted.

"Your green chewing gum is in the bag, too." Brilliant woman.

"I am humbled." I could not break from her gaze.

"Do they hurt?" She reached out and traced one without touching my flesh. On my upper chest near my throat. The short hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Just that part of my body, thank you very much. Everything else behaved except the scars that blazoned like a practiced hussy on a street corner.

"When it is cold, yes."

"I'm sorry." She gulped.

"The fault is not yours, Bella. But please, you must leave before you get in trouble." Her fingers hovered millimeters from my skin. I captured her hand and kissed the top of her palm.

"Get her out of her as quickly as possible," I murmured at her guards at vampire pitch.

Cocky legionnaires, they all smirked back at me. One had the gall to properly salute me at immortal speed. Jane decided if Bella and I were interrupted, Marcus would understand a few human deaths. I groused at my pain-management-happy cousin to behave and do her job without bloodshed.

"Where are your dirty clothes?" Erik held up the plastic sack. She took it from him. "I'll have these sent home."

"Thank you."

"I'm going now." Bella kept her hand in place. Reluctantly, I released her.

"See you later, my Queen."

Bella exited as quietly as she entered, trailed by snorting-at-me-at-immortal-pitch guards.

Decimus insisted on taking the bag from her and complained at immortal pitch to the others, "I never understand those humans. Even the ones in our coven are confusing until years after they've turned."

"Thank you for making sure she was not touched." I said to Decimus at vampire pitch, as he squired her back to the cafeteria.

Jane said to Bella, "That was well played. You are learning how to make a man squirm. But you could use a lesson or two." Lovely, if Jane and Bella joined forces, well, I would be really dead for an undead miscreant. The only thing that could be worse would be if Tanya or her sisters got involved. Jane nodded at Decimus, "Have one of them take those to the guards outside," she crinkled her nose in disgust at the plastic sack. One sped away with it as if he held a skunk.

Erik snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Hey, you! Time to put some clothes on and stop the floor show."

I had no idea what was showing on the floor aside from my bare feet. But I changed as quickly as I could, and secured both my brothers' lockers. I made appropriate use of Erik's kindly offered comb to straighten my wet hair. Not that I had much of it, thanks to the haircut I had received at the Gorgon's retreat. But it was the thought that mattered. I handed it back to him, offering him my thanks, and he put it away.

The young Mr. Yorkie cleared his throat and gave me a stare worthy of his Grandfather. "As your friend and hers, I am asking you: what are your intentions towards Bella? Because half the students, and probably all the teachers, will stand in line to maim you if she gets hurt again. And don't think I haven't noticed all the new kids staring at her like she's fresh meat." That man was entirely too observant for his own good. Probably got it from his crafty grandfather.

"I am not sure I follow."

"Bella is a pretty girl. Not my type," he added defensively raising a palm in peace.

"Of course." I knew he preferred men. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Erik was a gentleman. I approved of him being around Bella. He was good for her. And even though I had little use for most humans, I actually liked Erik Yorkie. He reminded me a bit of Horatio St. James, my human best friend.

Erik continued, "But with her being so sick, there are plenty of _other_ attractive women to choose from. All the new people seem to only be interested in her; and that has everyone talking. That and the fact that she's surrounded by large guys or your family all the time."

I could hardly look at him and say, _'Well, you see, it's like this. She is the human heir to the most ruthless vampire dynasty on the planet.'_ No, scratch that. _'She is the human heir to the TWO most ruthless vampire dynasties. She's the immortal world's missing link.' _After all the reading I had done about the Carnathai coven, and the Telecles coven, I completely understood why Marcus' children had been hunted like animals. If I had an ounce of survival instinct in me, and had lived during that time, I'd have done the same. The idea of all those genes mixed with the daringly demented ones from her biological Father's side? I don't care if he came from a pristine immortal lineage from Ireland that had managed to escape eradication most likely by convincing other immortals they were too stupid to be turned or slain. Crazy was _crazy_, no matter what fancy name you attached to it. My poor little demented bottle cap.

"Earth to Edward," Erik's hand waved in front of my face.

"She's rich."

"What?"

"Bella has come into an inheritance now that she has turned eighteen, one she had no idea she even had. She is beyond rich. Bella makes my family and yours look like paupers in comparison. She cannot touch the money until she's married."

"Aw, man, that sucks." Really, he had no idea.

"That is why we are surrounded by an influx of new students. Most of them want to try to date her. The other half work with my family to keep her safe. My intentions toward her are honorable, I swear."

"Who's on the good side?"

I recited the names and descriptions.

"Who's on the bad side?"

"Aside from the Quileute students, everyone else who is new. Erik, some of them are not high school age, they merely do a good job appearing like it. Several have unsavory backgrounds. Do not tangle with them unless one of us is around."

"How would that stop them?"

"You could say that my family has lots of scary relatives that keep these people in line."

"So are the kids that threw food going to vanish tonight?" He joked. Partly.

"No. That foolish behavior was not worth fighting over."

Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward wholeheartedly approved. As I left the locker room, I said awkwardly, "Thanks, Erik."

"That's what friends are for. Wipe that pathetic look off your face. It just makes people want to come after you and hurt you. We'll play chess at lunch tomorrow, deal?"

We shook hands, "Deal," and walked towards the cafeteria. Three shame-faced students apologized to me as we passed them.

Jugurtha pointed out that Erik was right. I smoothed my facial muscles into a pantomime of placidity.

My phone chirped with an incoming text. "Erik, my family bought lunch for you and it's waiting in the cafeteria."

"Cool. You coming?"

"No, I think I'll stay out of the line of fire for now." I walked to the cafeteria. My bag was with my family, so I felt the need to find a book.

My noble intentions of sulking in solitude shattered when my gift showed me my Parents' car approaching the school. They had a meeting with Mrs. Corelli to discuss my behavioral management plan. Even worse, Marcus walked with them to the school's doorway, which frightened the life back into me. God knows what he would do.

Rosalie hissed in pristine Oscan at vampire pitch to the immortals who thought they stared discreetly at Bella in the lunchroom, "Stop looking at her and eat your food."

Angela said to Bella, "Let's stop by the garden." My dear little one did not tell her she'd already visited it for the day. Together, they left, trailed by the usual suspects – I mean Bella's guard.

Bella and Angela talked in the garden with the guards loitering outside. Felix pretended not to listen. Mentally, he was thinking about the bet he had placed with the other soldiers on how long it was going to take for my singer to accept me as her mate. The odds currently were looking bad for me. Felix had bet five months.

My stomach plunged at the thought as I wound my way through the staring-at-me-rudely crowd of humans. I ignored them. Sheep. But I reminded myself, I had put up with seven decades of misery until I had met her, so five months in immortal time, pshaw, I could do that. I thought. Maybe. Drat. I heard one had actually bet two centuries. Bastard. I'd show him. Maybe.

Angela asked Bella as they sat on the bench, "What is going on with Edward? Why are these people following you?"

Bella dismantled a marigold by pulling at the petals. "He's being a pest for reasons that are completely beyond me. I hate seeing him being hurt, though. And I came into a lot of money so I now have guards." She scattered the green grass with flecks of yellow petals, decorating the grave of our past relationship.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I hate it. I'm donating every last dime the first chance I get."

"About Edward, I don't understand. Haven't the two of you talked? He all but lived at the hospital after they let him out. The poor guy was a wreck. Even my Father came to see him we were so worried."

"No. There's nothing to talk about, Ang."

My heart stuttered at the dull lack of emotion in her voice. I could not be too late. Marcus said so. She loved me. She merely did not realize it. So I had to help her; without, of course, being perceived as a stalker. I was not Jacob Black part two.

"But he hurt you. And you are living with them, right?"

"Yeah, but I got over it fast because life happened. Sometimes you reach a point Ang where you can't be hurt anymore."

Angela hugged her in sympathy and said, "I'm so sorry Bella. You've been so sick. Losing Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater was bad enough. Leah freaking out …I can't even imagine how scared you must have been in the hospital. Now this? I'm not saying you should take him back, but I really do think Edward is sorry for hurting your feelings. He reeks of it. The guy stood there blocking you so none of the flying foot hit. He could have run."

"I know. This morning he apologized for what he did yesterday and I forgave him. Thanks for being there for me Ang." She sounded so lost and scared and lonely. Felix fantasized about slaying enemy immortals to keep from blurting anything untoward. How he hated to see the little Telecles _princessa_ suffer.

_Princessa?_ Oh dear God. If they called her that she would have a heart attack. I was going to have to – forget that – I linked in with Marcus immediately and expressed my concerns about the state of her royal title.

"_Edward, I understand humans insulted my granddaughter today."_ He said that so reasonably as he stared at Mrs. Corelli. In actuality, what he meant was, 'Why haven't you put half the school to the sword?'

"_Marcus, the issue has been handled."_

"_You think so?"_

"_I do indeed. We cannot kill so many if we want to remain inconspicuous."_

"_Accidents happen."_

"_If more humans died, it would upset Bella."_ That sealed the deal.

Mrs. Corelli shook hands with them all and said, "It's nice to meet you all. Please come into my office." As they took their seats she asked, "Mr. Telecles, may I ask what your interest is in this matter?"

"I am here representing Chief Swan as Bella's family. We have a security issue we need to discuss with you, not Edward's behavior, which we assure you will be appropriate."

"Oh?"

"Yes, as you have seen from the recent influx of children that are not from the Quileute tribe, Forks High has attracted lots of new students."

"I did notice that."

"They're after Bella."

"What?" Mrs. Corelli stopped tapping her desk, and grabbed a pencil.

"I am a wealthy man. Bella is my sole living relative, and the new students are from families that are in my social circle." What a master of deception, "Alec and Jane are posing as her cousins. They work for me. With the recent home invasions and deaths of the Clearwaters, I have Bella guarded around the clock. Edward has been concerned for her safety."

"Sue Clearwater died in a fall."

Marcus said, "With an arrow sticking out of her eye. In front of Bella and her children."

"What?"

"She was murdered. So was Harry. Threats have been issued about Bella and Charles Swan. All the Cullen children are aware and have been doing their best to help keep Bella calm and happy while she recuperates." Marcus sounded awfully placid given what he had just said.

Someone had finally managed to make Mrs. Corelli speechless as she snapped the pencil she had been toying with in half, "Dear God."

Father said, "As Bella's physician, I cannot emphasize enough that everything must be done to keep her as calm as possible. With stress, her condition could worsen. You have my word that Edward will behave. He panicked because he knew the severity of her condition. Yesterday, Bella did not realize the importance of taking her medication on time. She does now. My son would never speak unless he felt forced to."

"Ok. He meant well. I apologize if I was a little hard on him. I'll lighten up. What do you need me to do?"

"Here is a list of the guards that are posing as students. Please treat them with latitude as they are simply performing their jobs."

"They cannot carry firearms on campus."

"They do not bear those weapons as I understand it is illegal in schools in this country. You can move Edward back to his original seat in all his classes. Believe it or not, he is the one that keeps Bella calm." Marcus left off the other weapons the guards had. And Mrs. Corelli decided not to ask, and that she would issue new orders regarding me at the end of the day. They quickly ended the meeting and promised to touch bases later in the week.

As this occurred, we made our separate ways to our seats in History class. Bella, head down, took a seat in the front row. Mr. Harris, the balding, portly old man in a twenty-five year old body, always waited until fifteen after the hour to begin class, insisting that we had to read a chapter so we could discuss it. So thin his chest appeared concave, he wore bright suspenders every day. Today they were an obnoxious shade of orange that made his royal blue shirt painful to the eye. As the class would fill up with diffident young minds, he had a ritual of usually reading some magazine. Today, he had out the newspaper. From his mind, he fretted about some blather about the pollution in the ocean, and pondered writing a letter to the editor and contacting the local chapter of Greenpeace.

As I took my seat, the revolted thoughts of the classmates – the mortal ones – bombarded me. The headline facing the class screamed about the corpses of the "brown-eyed girls" and underneath showed gratuitous pictures of the victims' bodies stolen from a police file. Alarmingly, the women resembled either Bella or Mary Alice. Bella took one glance at the disgusting journalistic display before her eyes and froze.

Her heart rate soared like a bird taking flight fleeing for its life. Speaking of fowl things, her gyrfalcons started to stir. This was bad. This was very bad. I ordered the FitzFlock to stay in place. They wanted to tear the teacher apart, which I was not opposed to on principle. Due to mortal rules and all, they would have to kill him after school I explained to them.

The imbecile tried to obtain Bella's attention by waving the actual paper at her; just in case she had not seen the repugnant photographs.

"Bella, it's time for class to start. Wake up." This had not been the headline of the Forks paper. And it had not occurred to me to search the school for the morning edition of today's Seattle Times. Drat.

Emmett, sitting to Bella's left, pushed the paper away from her head and said, "Take a look at the front page that you're waving in her face, Mr. Harris." The teacher yelped and tossed the paper on his desk.

"Hey gosling, you ok?" Emmett snapped his fingers, but Bella sat non-responsive. We all could hear her heart. I was irate.

In the Tagish dialect, Rosalie said at immortal frequency in that 'I'm in the middle of a crises and you are acting like an infant' tone of voice, "Edward, you need to stay calm. She's scared enough as it is without you adding to the problem."

Three French immortals in the room now wondered about the mentally weak human that they had to deign to chase. I asked Jugurtha to remind me to do something inappropriate to those French snobs later.

The Predator scribbled in my schedule and gave a wicked grin, "Why wait? Insult their forefathers." Excellent idea.

At vampire pitch, in the most pristine Oscan I could muster, I sneered at them, "Human females of Bella's age, ones that were properly raised from quality families, are not used to such distasteful displays of violence." That shut them up. Hinting at their inbred ancestry. All three had ears that if the right wind, they could hang glide off the Olympic Mountains.

I stood up from my wooden desk – one purposely designed in the early eighties to be used as a torture device it was so uncomfortable - and stalked to the front of the class. Waving my fingers at Bella produced no response.

"Edward, you should remain seated." Mr. Harris tried to sound all authoritative, but the voice cracking and gulping and sweat that beaded his brow kind of sort of ruined that effect. I did not deign to look at him. Blundering Blockhead. "What do you think you are doing?" He asked.

"Taking her pulse. She has a heart condition." I left off the 'you imbecile' and used my most polite voice. Really. Dang it all, my Parents and Marcus had left - having the world's shortest meeting in Forks High history.

I leaned down and said to Bella, "Sweetheart? I need you to say something." She remained silent. "Bella, we're going to go to the hospital. Your heart rate is soaring."

Carrying my beloved, I exited the room in high dudgeon, flanked by three legionnaires from the class. Mr. Harris did not even attempt to stop us, unfortunately. I fantasized about strangling him with his orange suspenders.

Mary Alice looked the teacher up and down in a manner that would have been more appropriate coming from an old woman – which technically she was. Yet seeing it from such a young face proved disquieting to all. Scathingly, she said, "Mr. Harris why would you wave something so disturbing in front of a girl with a heart condition? Edward is taking her to our Father immediately." She pulled out her cell phone.

"I did not mean to. Alice, you can't have that on during school hours."

"Pardon me. I'm texting my Father, Bella's physician, that she has a medical emergency seeing as your fingers are awfully slow and all. You should have called the office minutes ago."

The students tittered before realizing it was inappropriate and went back to worrying about Bella. Mr. Harris flushed.

"Mr. Harris, why would you display something sick like this?" Jasper leaned over and held up an object from Mr. Harris' desk.

"Oh shit," Emmett hissed at vampire pitch staring at Jasper's hand.

Jasper held in his cupped palm an elegant origami figure. It was a swan. On sheet music. And it was splattered in red paint by the scent of it. Just like the one that had been left on Harry Clearwater. Only that one had been covered in _his_ blood splatter.

Mr. Harris contemplated the merits of losing his breakfast burrito right there in front of the class. He swallowed back bile and yelped, "I have no idea what that is. Throw it away."

Emmett said, "We gotta jet. This can't be good."

Surrounded by legionnaires, I carried my frozen-like-a-plank-of-wood girlfriend by the school's office on my way out the car.

"Freeze, Cullen. What the heck do you think you are doing?" Mrs. Corelli emerged out of nowhere like a ghost. She patted Bella's face, noting with concern, "What in Heaven's name happened?"

I announced in the most proper tone I could conjure, "Mrs. Corelli, Mr. Harris' choice in gory reading material that he waved in Bella's face requires your personal touch. We are taking her to the hospital to check on her heart. And that catatonia problem. Good day, Madam."

Emmett waved his cell phone and said, "Mrs. Corelli, Bella's heart rate is very high. I took her pulse, too. We gotta run. I just called her Dad. He knows and is on his way to the ER."

Rosalie and Mary Alice followed. Mrs. Corelli barked, "What? Are the entire Cullen family going to the hospital? And who are you two?" she bellowed at Jane and Alec.

Marcus' directions flashed into her mind as Alec said, "We're Bella's cousins."

Mrs. Corelli waved them away out of professional courtesy. "Fine." She let that slide as she watched the crowd leaving the building.

"Hold on there, bucko." The Vice Principal put her palm against Jasper's chest and stared up at him. Jasper got a taste of that whole 'who was prey' sensation. "Mr. Hale, where do you think you are going?"

"After my family. Edward does not handle Bella being ill well at all. Rosalie usually goes into hysterics. By the way, that teacher had this on his desk." In a flash, Jasper showed her the bloody origami swan. He'd managed to find a white plastic bag to hold it. She stared into the sack and turned pale.

I am afraid the mental language from Mrs. Corelli would have earned her several hours of Spartan Service detention. She swore almost as creatively as Jasper did when he was mentally on a rant.

Leaning towards her over the shared sack Jasper confided, "Chief Swan has not released to the public that one like this was found on the body of Harry Clearwater. So I'm taking it to Chief Swan who is on his way to the hospital. It's probably best that Bella not be at school right now. Seth Clearwater, either." It never once occurred to my master tactician brother that the average high school student would not have access to sealed murder files in a small town. Talk about audacity. And name dropping.

Seth bolted from around the hall and almost careened into Jasper, having heard the entire exchange. The haunted look on his face melted the cold iceberg that was Evangeline Corelli's heart.

Jasper followed that stellar performance on manipulation by unleashing a wave of guilt and rage on the Vice Principal that had her forgetting all about him, and stomping like a mini-dinosaur in pursuit of the moronic miniature Mr. Harris, history instructor of mediocrity. Bella's SUV, driven by Decimus, roared up to the curb. We climbed in the automobile and ran every light to make it to the ER trailed by the rest of the guard. Father had recently arrived at work. Mother and Marcus turned right back around in their car and headed for the hospital. And gracious, Mother behind the wheel was frightening when she was in a hurry.

Bella's heart rate soared and she started to shake. I cradled her against me and breathed into her hair, "You are safe. You are safe. I am here. No one will hurt you. I promise." Fuming, I realized I had no way of telling how that paper swan had arrived in the classroom. Grace had not been watching either. I felt like a failure.

Like before, Bella remained rigid in her own little world. We had to run, alas, at human pace to the emergency room when we arrived in the hospital's parking lot. Charlie pulled up behind us, proving once again by the tight corner he made on two wheels that he drove like a taxi cab driver in Athens – utterly insane. I remembered with a shudder the last time I had seen via a vision of Bella driving and swore never to let her behind the wheel of a car. She would be the death of me. Really.

Jasper had taken a good sniff of the swan. The vampire that had left it had not been an algae eater. With all the new scents in the school Jasper mentally went over which one belonged to which immortal, checking them off of a mental list of suspects. He was so going to kill who ever did this. Slowly. He barked at Aro in his cell phone and requested that he pay another visit to school to play pat-a-cake with every immortal there. I should have thought of that. Irritated at the threat to his niece, Aro was only too happy to comply. He loved pressing the flesh like the good old fashioned politician that he was.

The wolves in the classroom had gotten a sniff of the paper as well, and they were all kinds of eager to feast upon the fool who had offended Bella. After they killed the teacher, noses twitching, they fantasized about ripping the leech apart that had left the swan.

"What happened?" Chief Swan demanded.

Emmett said, "The history teacher waved the front page of the Seattle newspaper in front of her face."

"What the Hell?" Charlie bellowed.

"He was reading the back section."

"I'm going to kill the bastard." That attracted hushed stares from the crowd in the lobby.

Mary Alice took him by the arm and said, "Do not worry about it, Chief Swan, we sicced Mrs. Corelli on him. I don't think you'll ever find the body." That, personally, would be hilarious.

"What kind of asshole shows….pardon me," he stammered.

Jasper clapped Chief Swan on the upper arm and decided to serenade him with a teensy dose of emo-power because the anxiety the mortal exhibited was irritating the anxiety that Jasper _already_ felt and was trying hard not to send to us. And he aimed a bit at the room too so no one would report the Chief of Police for threatening murder and mayhem. The man could stare down legions of screaming armed immortals and bite his way through the best of them but when Bella got sick? I could totally understand his concern. Usually visions followed. That and he was attempting not to murder masses over the reminder that Maria was gunning for his mate. He already blamed her for the death of his first wife.

Marcus already had security stationed around the hospital, given Bella's exemplary luck and all. Jasper could not help but fret that this situation smacked of a set-up. He used the Marcus-vine to express exactly those sentiments. Grace assured me that no army of a threatening to us kind lurked in the area. I laid Bella down on the examining room table and she would not let go of my arm. I had to move her hands so I could sit beside her, and whispered, "Let's hold hands instead, Bella, ok?" She nodded - the first time she had responded to anything in the past fifteen minutes.

Rosalie sedated her. Mary Alice gave Bella a hug and said, "Please come back." We all could hear Bella's heart which slowly returned to its normal unhealthy beat.

Father examined Bella efficiently and checked her pupils, Rosalie and I had already run all the same tests, too.

"I need to speak with Edward alone, please." Bella's voice made Rosalie leap in a highly un-immortal like manner. The room cleared. I constructed a sound barrier because Bella's eyes made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Once they were out of the room, Emmett turned to Rosalie and said, "Rosie, we need to design a special Pez dispenser."

"For what? We do not eat human candy. Our children are too young for it."

"To put in Xanax tablets for Bella. Poor kid needs anti-anxiety medication on tap." I ignored my brother. I would not be sedating Bella around the clock, especially with addictive medications. Although they could observe us through the window, we both faced away from it, so no one could read our lips through the sound barrier I had crafted.

"Bella, I am so sorry you had to see that." I seemed to be saying that far too often around her lately.

"I slept by you because your Father asked me to. He said it would heal you. He told me about the times that you saved my life."

"You do not need to worry about that."

"I did not tell him you only did it because you only wanted to preserve the scent of my blood. I have continued to sleep by you even though," she paused, "I know your family _thinks_ you love me."

"Bella –" she interrupted me.

"And I know you do not. . . . Even though sleeping by you is painful for me."

"Have my powers harmed you? And with all due apologies, you do not know how I feel."

She ignored my last claim, "No, school boy. You did."

"I'm sorry."

"I forgave you for what you said that day because you told me the truth. As repulsive as your behavior was, I got why you did it. Thanks to Sergei and Seth and Leah, I understand the whole newborn anger management problem you have. I didn't rat you out to your family."

"Thank you."

"I did not do it for you. I did it for me."

"Pardon me?"

"You owe me." She emphasized each word made more dramatic by the fact she said it to the floor, feet swinging, hair in her face.

"I do." With my free hand I pushed her hair over her shoulder, trying to see her without the thick curtain of her tresses.

"Good. Then we're agreed."

"On what?" I blinked at her. She made little sense.

She finally met my gaze. Hers was devoid of any detectible anxiety, and that put the fear of the Lord right into my pitch-black soul, "I find myself the most chased after mortal in the immortal world. A world I have no intention of ever joining."

"Bella, I will never let them turn you against your will."

"Oh, I know that. That's why I'm offering you a deal."

"What is that?"

She pointed an index finger at my chest, "You get to be around me twenty-four seven and sniff me to your heart's desire. I won't hold it against you."

"But I already am." I held her against me every night. Clearly this was the sedatives talking.

"I need an immortal Fake Fiancé. I'm nominating you for the job seeing as you lie so well and already have limited practice in the role. You are the one person I can trust to not . . . want me aside from aromatic purposes."

"That is not true."

She barreled ahead shaking, and I felt awful contradicting her. I could feel her fear.

"You have reason to want me to stay in one piece. So I'm making you an offer you can't refuse: me in exchange for you faking that you care."

I did not think anything could possibly compare to the agony of watching her die.

Silly, silly me.

I did not think much could equate with reading her farewell letter - the one she wrote to Leah explaining that she intended to die -and then having to write it out word for word forging her handwriting.

_Poor banished children of Eve._

This might not have surpassed those trials, but it ranked in the top five tribulations of my life. I wanted to pat my arms to make sure my limbs had not been sawed off when I was not looking as numbness spread through me and something squeezed at my chest and stabbed my lungs with sharpened ice picks.

"Your lips are turning blue. Breathe." Bella poked me. I noticed then, that since the day I had returned she had never addressed me by name. I suppose I deserved that. But I was not sure what it meant. It felt wrong, not having a name, like I did not count as a person. Not that I was. But still.

Ruthlessly, she jabbed me with a finger in the side, and I took in a gulp of air.

"I have not been faking that I care for you." This time. Or the last for the record. But still. "I would be delighted to be your Fake Fiancé, my Queen. But I have a counteroffer."

Stonily, she stared at me out of the corner of her eye before darting her eyes away to look straight ahead.

Jugurtha advised, "If you tell her now that her scent no longer affects you, then you lose your leverage. And she'll feel even worse. Use another tactic."

"You're making a counteroffer when I'm in the ER? You realize how sick that is, right?" She blustered.

"When it comes to you, I have no shame." That was a whopper of a lie. I had loads of that particular sentiment. But I would risk anything for her, so that was sort of the truth. I tapped her nose with my index finger, "Try another ploy. And _you_ are heavily medicated on sedatives and making lurid offers to me. You realize how sick that is, right? Why should I take anything you say seriously?"

"Because the only truth you know is that your instincts crave the way I smell to an irrational degree that rules you. I can always take that to the bank. It's the only reason I matter in your self-centered world and I'm fine with that. My expectations of you are simple."

Self-centered? Me? Everything I did, I did for her and my family and - . Stop laughing.

Our audience outside dearly wanted to know why I would not permit them to hear when we sat side-by-side on the examining table facing away from them. To keep them confused, I put a comforting arm around Bella. From the corner of my eye, I glared at her, "They're all watching us, although they cannot hear a word. You are not thinking this through properly, my little Grandmaster."

"What is the flaw in my logic?"

"Bella, marry me for real. It is the only way the immortal world will leave you alone." She stiffened as if stuck.

My little Grandmaster did not seem to believe me. She laughed and addressed the wall in front of her, "Fine. Under one condition." Bella's voice seemed unnaturally flat for someone who had just agreed to be my wife – even though she already was my wife. But still.

It took effort to keep my hand that was on her from quivering. She agreed! I was truly forgiven! "What is that, my queen?"

She crossed her arms and stuck out her jaw, "You have to make it a marriage in every sense of the word."

Emmett said to Rosalie in Tagish, "What do you think?"

His mate hissed, "He can hear you."

"So? No one around here speaks Tagish except us and Edward won't care." Emmett channeled Marcus with his craftiness.

Cautiously, Rosalie answered, "I think Bella might be considering taking him back."

"I what?" I wanted to shout at my dear little one, _'Have you a death wish?'_

Wait. Scratch that. I knew the answer to that rhetorical question. If I told Bella now about that whole destroying the area problem when climaxing, then what use would I be as a spouse? And fine, when it came to her, I did have shame. A lot of shame. I could not tell her this. Not now. Not when I could try to solve it later. So I started shaking.

"You heard me. Unless you don't think you could muster up the energy for little old human me." She dismissed me with a head-to-toe gaze reminiscent of the one she had given Gianni the Italian Groper. I could not have her thinking I was not a man -even if I was not one, technically.

"Fine," I growled with a loving smile into her ear - because now I knew Bella was bluffing. "I agree to _try_." Rage made things red again as my world shrank at the sight of her tiny insincere answering smile, and I flung out, "Then you have to agree to be turned."

There. That would solve that problem. Offering me something I could most likely never actually _have_ when she never really meant to offer it in the first place. Sex. With her. That was wrong. Not the sex part. Just the fake offering part.

Bella extended her left hand and smiled coolly, "Agreed," I automatically shook it because of manners and all, "As long as you're the one that does it." Her words moved so fast, I did not realize I bled until she finished metaphorically stabbing me.

Jugurtha smacked me upside the back the head and bellowed, "Calm down immediately. She is referring to you biting her not, ahem, that. Yet. Remember how well things went the last time you lost your temper with her?" I let out a deep breath. Or five.

Starched Shirt Edward peered around Jugurtha, "Did our peach really propose to us? How untraditional. We must say 'yes.'" He clapped happily. "Ask for her hand properly like the man you are."

Dazed and more than a bit confused, I stared at my dear little demented one's hand like it had transformed into a live viper. We had come so far from the handshake in the garden, to my kissing her palm like a courtier of day's gone bye in the locker room. Drat it, my hands were about to shake like a phasing wolf. I could not let her see how she affected me. Remembering her chat with Sergei about that whole possibility of being a newborn in three species, I tried to marshal some control.

I stood and turned and bent before her, mimicking a calm demeanor for my family and hers. Pretending to tie her boots, I knelt down on the ground with that same hand in mine and seethed, "Miss Swan will you do me the singular-"

"Yes. Please get up. I want to go home." Surely it was the drugs that made her voice sound so strangled yet detached? She pulled her hand from mine. I retied my dear little bottle cap's boot laces at supernatural speed hiding my face against her shins. Head lowered, I used the time to gather my composure as Jugurtha whispered in my ear. She had agreed to be my bride. That had to count for something.

Jugurtha pointed out, "This is not the way you wanted it, but you are getting your way. And the immortal world will respect it if you formally marry. They'll have to. So don't argue. Change the subject." Fine. I could do that. Using all that discipline I could muster, I contorted my face into the image of Marcus in his calm in the face of the storm mode.

"Jasper has an ex-girlfriend named Maria." I ruined the effect by blurting that fact like a nattering nincompoop. Oh marvelous. Marcus might not talk much, but when he did, he utilized smart words. My dear little fiancée had been scared enough for one day.

Jugurtha sounded excited, "No actually, this is inspired. By talking about it when she's sedated, you have a better chance of her being reasonable about it." He waved majestically, "Proceed." I rose from the ground, avoided my curious family's perusal, and took my seat on the gurney beside her.

"Jasper has entirely too many crazy women in his life for my taste. Except for Alice."

"Agreed. Maria is the one who made Jasper a vampire and she also turned Jasper's," I hated to mention her name, "first wife, Annie."

I did not think it would do to 'show' Bella using my gift that disturbing scene considering as it was bloody and all. "Maria offered to help her find her husband if Annie worked for her."

"That's sick."

"Most definitely. Maria kept them apart for almost 150 years before sending Annie to fetch him. Annie did not figure out she had been played the fool until that day at our house."

"That sicker. Your kind really know how to play cruel, don't they, toying with a heart like that?" Ouch. She was right. But still. She sounded bitter.

"Not all of my kind are like that. Every member of my family and yours would willingly offer their life to defend you."

"Why? They don't like my scent."

"The Telecles family has accepted you with open arms into their ranks. They do not show love like you would expect it. We meant it when we said you were family. We still do."

She scoffed, "Every person who ever claimed me as family lied to me. Joining the Telecles clan just gets what's left of my family dead."

"I hope you are not including the Clearwaters in that list of people who lied to you. And my family followed the Volturi law to preserve your life, not to hurt you."

She flinched, and then stared down at the tile floor, "The Clearwaters never told me you were vampires."

Stabbing at my phone, I pulled up a copy of the treaty and had her read it. Then I took her hand and using my gift, showed her how concerned Harry had been in his negotiations with Father over Bella, we then switched to me claiming her as family in front of Jacob and explaining what that meant to the moron. I finished it off with her hearing Father assuring Harry that he had never seen me so enraptured and that we had no intention of turning her.

"Bella, you could have told them at any time that you knew we were vampires. You chose to hold you tongue and hang onto the diary. You cannot blame them when they felt they were helpless and tried to protect you according to the treaty they _had_ to follow. They feared we'd abscond with you and run or we'd demolish the tribe. They had no idea they had Paula as a wolf. So they bargained with the devil and trusted us to see you safe. Don't you dare try to blame them for loving you."

"You're right." She conceded, "But everyone else lied." And she was, of course, correct on that score.

"Your Father kept his mouth shut because he feared Renee would take you and he'd never see you again. Do you blame him for that?"

"No. He never told me about my head injury."

"Chief Swan was not a doctor. He was so distraught at the time you were injured that he did not really remember much of what they told him beyond the words 'permanent brain damage,' from his memories that I have seen. He thought there was nothing that could be done, and as silly as it sounds, he sincerely thought he was helping you." She made a frustrated face, "I understand your anger, though. Father explained to him just how wrong he was and he's been feeling horrible ever since. He does not know how to make this right." I could totally identify with him. On that matter only.

"Oh."

"The person who knew best and said nothing was Genevieve, who was a doctor and knew better. She could have seen that you obtain treatment aside from the physical therapy she had Liam do with you. If you want to be mad at anyone, take it out on her. She sent me and my family on a wild goose chase trying to protect you when all along she had a letter waiting for you. And you are forgetting your role in this."

"Mine?' She spluttered.

"You knew from the time you were seven what we were and that we needed the journal. You barely mentioned it, Bella. I had no idea how important it was. I _never_," my voice shook, "would have left you had I read it. When I saw those drawings, it nearly killed me seeing how much I had failed and let everyone down. I cannot understand how you would sit on something that huge and never say more than one word in passing. Especially after seeing that picture of you and Victoria."

"But I thought you already understood about what was coming. I promised to say nothing beyond giving you the journal. I was afraid if I did not follow the old man's instructions," she heaved in a shaky breath, "that people would die and it would be my fault. The picture looked like Victoria was simply saying mean things to me. I never dreamed she'd . . ." her voice trailed off as she rubbed at her shoulder.

"Maria is the one who sent those men that chased you that night at the Yorkie festival. She is the one who is behind the women that have been dying all over the country. And Annie followed Maria's orders when she came out here. That is on Maria, not you. Are there any other tribal secrets you've been sitting on since you were seven?" I said that last part teasingly.

Plaintively, she said, "No. That's all the old man told me. I grew up thinking that was what I had to do. I'm sorry."

"It's all water under the bridge. And this mess is not your fault."

"You just said it was for me not saying anything."

"No Bella, I wanted you to understand that by not saying anything, you acted similarly to the Clearwaters. You did what you thought was best for the good of everyone. Do you see?"

"Oh. Ok."

We sat for five minutes. She startled me by speaking.

"What is this Maria's deal?"

"Maria is planning a revolt against Marcus, needs Jasper to help her execute it, and is trying to intimidate us all to achieve that."

"Are her fingers broken? Can't she just pick up the phone and make a proper threat like any other bug-eyed crazy immortal? Geez, Victoria managed to find my number. It can't be that hard to find Jasper's" Actually, it could. But she had a valid point.

Squeezing both palms along the edge of the examining table, I vowed to have a nervous breakdown about that fact later. When alone.

Starched Shirt Edward smacked my hands, "You'll bend the metal. Stop that!"

Bella kept those lips sealed shut, so I knew she was not inclined to share what Victoria had said. And I was changing her phone number. Immediately. And putting the number in my name. As it should be. It would be in the name of Mrs. Edward Cullen. That would be proper. Emily Post said so. Seeing as Rosalie had sedated her thoroughly and her heart rate was behaving, I felt I could press on.

"We are changing your phone number."

"Whatever. I need to kill Jasper." Bella drew her vampire dagger from its sheath and twirled it. She performed the move well initially and made me think of her Mother before the knife fell and I caught it.

I took the sheath from my mate and put the blade back in it, "You are too sedated to be handling sharp objects at present, Bella. I will hold onto that for you for now." How did she move from discussing such serious matters to jesting about jabbing Jasper? Discreetly, I sniffed at her blood and checked the smell of the sedative.

Jugurtha noted, "She's highly medicated at present. Keep the knife from her, regardless." Indeed.

"Spoilsport. Give it back. I need that."

Using my right hand, I held it just out of her reach as she tugged at my left sleeve. When she rose to her knees and leaned against me, I stood. She refused to let go of my arm.

"Why, my little warrior," I inquired, "do you want to dispatch my brother to the great beyond?"

She literally dangled from my arm now, feet above the floor, "Cause he has a 66.6% rate of crazy, murdering, freaky ex-girlfriends in his life. I've already ran into the 33.3%." Curious such succinct statistics emerging from a distraught and drugged mouth.

Alarmed, Rosalie asked, _"Edward what is Bella doing, trying to stab you?"_ I shook my head 'no' at her and gave and the rest of my family a warning stare at vampire speed that said, 'stay out of this.'

Father commented, "Perhaps Edward can use this incident to break through to her as gently as possible. He appears to be handling himself appropriately. We have reached the point where Bella does need to appreciate the danger she is in. It is only right. Despite her initial reaction, I'm encouraged that she is speaking now." Father left off the 'and leaping for a vampire blade' part.

I lowered Bella to the ground, and carefully lifted her back up on the examining table. After tucking the knife away in my front coat pocket, I leaned over her. I placed both palms flat on either side of Bella, playing with her fingers. By looking down at her, foreheads touching, I hid my face from our audience.

I said, "Maria is the 'red-eyed people' your Grandmother warned us about. It was she who arranged for the swan to be found and most likely the pictures in the paper today."

"No, she's just part of it."

Bella tried to reach for my pocket, so I wrapped her into my arms holding her immobile, acting enraptured for all the world to see. Fine. I was not acting.

From outside, Mother said to Father in Oscan, "Look dear, I believe you are right. They seem to be having a good talk."

Tuning them out, I asked Bella, "Excuse me? Part of what?"

She studied her still swinging feet, "Grandmother and Liam warned me off of _all_ of your kind. Somehow, I think she considered you my last hope to keep them away."

"To my sorrow, I did not understand what Genevieve tried to tell me until it was too late. We have had a few chats recently, your Grandmother and I." Bella goggled at me, "She insisted I was stupider than her son and that was saying something."

Bella choked off a laugh and wiped at her eyes, "That sounds exactly like her."

Shuddering I confessed, "I take responsibility for my part in this mess. And I am trying my best to fix what I can, to help the tribe, and to keep you safe."

"I know. Seth and Leah and even John said so."

"Why are you consenting to be turned? You indicated earlier that you had no intention of joining the immortal world."

She stilled and studied a poster educating the patients about the hazards of the flu, and then avoiding my eyes, leaned against me and tucked her head into my coat. To the outside world, it appeared we were cuddling. "People around me die. This is the only way to keep my Dad, Seth, Leah, the tribe, you and your family alive. I don't want them dying trying to protect me, and I know they will."

Tuning out the heartache, at the sacrifice she believed she had no choice but to make, I tried to be patient, "Bella, you all can be protected. My family can take care of themselves."

"They were trapped in Alaska for how many months?"

"Not by your fault. And sometime when you are not so upset, I will tell you how they got out. It is an amazing story. They held up against an entire army, Bella."

"Uh-uh, seeing that swan was the last straw. The immortals will never stay away from me while I'm human. That means Seth and Leah will always have to guard me and won't have a life even if they do survive."

"If you turn," I gulped, "you are sacrificing your mortal life. And you do not have to, Bella. I cannot understand why you would make that decision, knowing how you feel about us immortals."

"Tell me, do you really think I'm living a quality mortal life? If I'm a . . . like you then no one will ever be able to hurt me again. I'll be able to protect myself. Becoming one doesn't mean I'm joining them. Your Dad told me about how the powers hurt you. This way you will not have to risk your life to protect me, either. So let me go and kill your brother."

Wriggling, she reached for my front jacket pocket that held her knife and put her hands inside. Once her hands were inside, I used the fabric to capture both of her wrists which were alarming close to certain parts of me that I wanted to behave. And I really wanted to kiss her right then, depraved beast that I am. But one of us had to be the adult here -even if she already was legally of age. Besides, she was drugged and scared and irrational about killing my sibling.

"Bella, I'm afraid I cannot permit you do that."

Our faces were so close I felt a crackling in the air, "Fake Fiancé, we need to work on your limited vocabulary. You don't _permit_ me to do anything. As for Jasper, why not? You've never worried about morals before? Why start now?" She yanked ineffectually.

"First, he is my brother and I love him. Second, Jasper gained infamy as a warrior. You would not last a second around him. He's lethal."

"I did from his first wife." She said matter-of-factly, "I doubt his taste improved."

"Jasper cannot be compared to Maria or his first wife on any level. He is one of the most dangerous immortals I know." Not as dangerous as me, but I could be generous.

Bella snorted, "He's not worse than Grandfather or Great-Grandfather."

Keeping a light tone, I stroked her hair, "True. But those two fall into singular categories as probably the top two most powerful immortals in the world. Your Grandmother and Arria and half your uncles are not far behind. Do you think Jasper's going to stand there and _permit_ you to kill him, my Queen, out of charity? Or that I would stand by and watch?"

She ignored my teasing words, "At least it would be quick. Besides, it can't hurt to try." This was, after all, the mortal girl that had pulled a knife on her own Mother. Her irrational desire to kill Jasper had to be a by-product of stress, sedation, or both. Maybe that marriage part, too.

That meant I would have to hit my dear little dilapidated one with reality. I chucked the pious smile to the side of the conversational winding road and offered her a mournful glance. "But then if you did that, you would also be killing Mary Alice." Bella froze and finally stared at me, panic stamped on her face.

"When vampires marry . . . _sometimes_ they become mates. Every couple in my family are mated. And if one mate dies, the other follows."

"Is that why when Eve died. . . " her voice halted and she gulped. "Her mate ran into the mob and threw down his sword and let them." And then a few of the pieces fell together. "That's why . . . you," 'Left' should have ended that sentence.

I worried about bruising her wrists, so caressed them with my thumbs, and implored her with a mendicant's gaze, "Yes. I could not bear to lose half of my family."

"Two is not half."

"Three is. I had to protect you all. Esme lost her mortal life after her baby son died. She still mourns him. It would have killed my Mother to lose another child, much less three."

Bella absorbed that for a while before eventually saying, "I'm sorry about Esme. Your sense of direction sucks."

"Victoria had a soldier that had the ability to take on her scent. I chased him across the country before capturing him," I edited out the part about me killing him and appropriating his cell phone for moral purposes. She did not need to know that part. It could distress her. "Along the way, I learned about Maria's plot. Then, I think I lost my mind." I swallowed a mouthful of remorse, "That's why when I thought you had . . ." She was already distressed, I did not need to remind her that I had seen and felt her die, "Well, I went to Italy to seek help."

She looked pained so I tried to change the conversation a bit. And I gave her another injection to keep her heart rate from climbing.

I caressed her hair, framing her face, "Cruel I have been, but I could not sit back and watch my brother have to kill his _own wife_. She was his childhood sweetheart. He loved her, you see." Like I did her, I wanted to shout.

"Not enough." Bella of last year had never sounded so harsh.

"Bella, you cannot judge what you do not understand."

"Explain it to the stupid human girl." I ignored that pointed barb.

Fine. I did not. "Stop that. You are one of the smartest women I know. When vampires form a mate bond, they become one emotionally and physiologically, and it strengthens with time." So I have been told, but given my vast experience with my one true mate that old wives' tale did not seem to work for us.

"So?" She sounded like Marcus.

"Jasper loved his first wife, believed her dead, and was mated to Alice for over fifty years. Because of their bond, he could not have left Alice even if he wanted to. Jasper feels guilty, is mourning Victoria's death, and he is beside himself with what she did to everyone in his name. So no killing Jasper."

"Ok. What are we going to do about Maria?"

I wanted to yell, "Who is 'we'?" but I was raised with better manners, and besides, being drugged and all, I had to give her some latitude for foolishness. So I said, "Make her come to us."

Bella whispered, "She'll burn down Forks."

"Not with the massive army your Great Grandfather has stationed here, she won't." I needed to divert her from being afraid. "When do you want to make the announcement of our engagement?"

"Will it even work?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the place is swarming with immortals now. What if you meet your mate?" Her voice was so soft just then.

Freezing like prey before a beast would not help, although I felt like it. Even with her being sedated and terrified and all, she would have a heart attack if I told her we really were married and that congratulations, she was my mate. "Bella, I am not going to mate with any other woman. It is impossible."

"Tell that to Liam," Bella said.

It was hardly _my_ fault that Eve, his girlfriend of forty years, met her mate. And besides, the birdbrain never even gave her a chance to figure out if her love for him was stronger than the immortal, him running off to die and all.

"Marcus can sense relationships between people. Ask him yourself. I agreed to marry _you_. And I will. You need never worry about me wanting another." That was the honest truth. Sort of. I sounded so sure when I declared it, too. And I had told her enough that she could figure it out on her own when she felt calmer. So there.

"If you say so. Let's have a Fake Courtship. No one will believe if we announce it today since I'm stoned." No one had thrown a rock at her. The drugs must be impacting her more than I had thought.

"But of course, my Queen. Anything you want." And I meant every word. From the bottom of the hole I had personally dug in my shattered heart.

Bella slid to the ground and bobbled a bit. I held her steady.

"Easy. Are you dizzy?"

"I'm good. Let's go before my Dad bursts in here with a gun." She insisted on walking out of the examination room on her own two feet. Charlie had been prevented from doing precisely that bursting-into-the-room-business thanks to Jasper's judicious talents. Chief Swan took one look at Bella and embraced her. It felt odd seeing them like that. Even more seeing him stroke her hair like her Grandmother used to do to her when she was a toddler.

"Bells, honey? What happened?"

She whispered into his jacket, "I saw the pictures and needed to think for a while, Dad. Sorry I scared you."

"Bells, you should never have seen anything like that."

I head out her coat and gloves for her since we were leaving. She wobbled and leaned against me as she put her arms into the coat. With my hand steadying her, she zipped her parka shut. Her Father actually wrapped the scarf around her neck as she put on the hat. He ignored me.

"I'm going to break that teacher's kneecaps." Chief Swan would have to stand in line. Mrs. Corelli, from what Grace showed me, had done a fantastic job reducing Mr. Harris to tears once his class had adjourned.

Bella tried to joke, "That would be illegal, Dad. And gross."

"No one messes with my girl. Let's get you home."

It seemed even stranger seeing Charlie refer to our house as home. His thoughts indicated he felt content to have her in the mansion seeing as Carlisle and Esme were such wonderful people who clearly cared about his daughter. That Jasper had a fine career ahead of him in law enforcement. Jasper had shown him the bloody swan and he was having it sent off to the lab to be analyzed. He was considering keeping Bella home for the week. Which I totally agreed with.

Due to the paper swan, Charlie's mind kept flashing to images of the murder scene of Harry Clearwater. Charlie recalled how he had been called Mr. Clearwater's office late at night. Harry's murderer had left him literally in pieces with a bloody origami swan sitting jauntily atop his body. Well, part of it anyway. The killer had even been kind enough to wrap part of Harry in butcher paper. The next memory showed Charlie sitting by his sleeping daughter.

With a shaking hand, he nudged her. Chief Swan had just left the understandably distraught Clearwaters. He couldn't believe how crazy his life had become. First, he lost Paula, then he had to sit back helplessly while his little girl got sick, and now this? He hated to disturb her rest, but he knew Leah could barge in the house any minute for all he knew. Or Seth. He wanted to be the one to tell his daughter about Harry.

"Bells?" his voice cracked and he gulped and shook her again.

"Yeah?"

"Harry's gone."

"Hunh?"

Charlie's shoulders began to shake. Bella sat up and drowsily pulled her parent into a clumsy hug as the weight of his words settled on her shoulders. It hurt to see her face move from confused to anguished. The next image I had was of an eerily calm appearing Charlie being led to his room by an equally eerily calm Bella.

Wearily, he sat on the edge of his bed and said, "I'm fine now. You should get some sleep. I have to stay sharp. God knows what else could happen tonight. I've made sure the house is locked up, and we're moving into Liam's place tomorrow"

"Why?"

"Liam may have been nuttier than a three dollar bill, but his paranoia is going to pay off. He has a security system even the CIA could not duplicate." Indeed, that was the complete truth. The CIA did not have immortals prancing around murdering irritating humans who trespassed.

Charlie's face turned beet red as he yanked off his boots, "You're coming with me to work tomorrow, and we're going to fix you up with a gun."

"Dad, I'm not old enough for that to be legal."

"Screw legal. We're going to use one of Liam's. He had a huge collection. You're going to the range tomorrow and we're going to practice shooting."

"Ok, Dad."

He placed his revolver and cell phone within reach. Bella kissed his forehead and shuffled from the room.

I removed myself from Charlie's mental walk down disturbing memory land. Angrily, I bellowed at Jugurtha to check the paperwork and see if Bella was in possession of a firearm. It would not do a bit of good against a vampire. But in her state, I did not want her around guns, for crying out loud.

Mentally shouting, I made that point quite clear to Marcus, who insisted that her guards had ensured that she was not near her guns.

"Her _guns_?" My heart rate started soaring. Marcus sounded so blasé about a woman who could barely walk in a straight line being in possession of a firearm. Liam had, from Marcus' observation left her forty-seven various different types of firearms. I was yanked from my own incipient temper tantrum by the vicious mental ranting of Young to Me Old Power.

On business hundreds of miles away, Arria was livid and awfully vocal about her daughter's recent scare, thanks to the Marcus-vine. She called Bella and they had a brief conversation which was the Telecles equivalent of "I'm fine. Don't worry."

Charlie hovered over his daughter on the trip home and I could not interfere. Taking Chief Swan aside and saying, 'Let's discuss the use of firearms around your fragile daughter,' while tempting, was not needed. I was _never_ letting her out of my sight. So the conversation was unnecessary. Father and daughter walked, side-by-side into the house, he with his arm slung around her shoulder like she could trip at any second -which actually, she could.

While she ate dinner, I raced up to my room at vampire speed, and retrieved the box with my Mother's ring. In that moment I actually prayed, stumbling over the words in Latin. I had made a devil's bargain to earn the hand of my angel. Maybe. I wondered if now that the drugs were not as strong in her system if she would come to her senses and change her mind.

Sister Claire's voice told me to take my Mother's ring. I remembered how happy Bella had looked when I had proposed to her the last time. Truly, I would give anything to see her smile like that again, after everything I had done. I remembered my human Mother's smile when she told human me about Bella and how much I would love her.

If I gave this to her, it would make Mother rest in peace and maybe make Bella smile in the process. Opening the box with nervous fingers, I carefully placed the ring in the pocket of my trousers and joined the family and assorted Telecles clan in the living room. I was afraid to hope that she could ever love the Real Me. By past experience, I knew it to be the cruelest emotion of them all.

Jugurtha suggested, "Hold onto the ring. It's too early to give it to her now. She's still distraught. Watch and wait."

I always had my gift on, and after years of practice grew used to monitoring the area. That's why when I heard the thoughts of a deliveryman for a floral shop making his way to the house I alerted the guards at the foot of the drive way via text that my pet Grace had sensed someone coming.

Teitu Telecles happened to be in the area and decided to stop by to see what a truck looked like. The delivery man alighted from the vehicle nervously when he saw the large men and newly installed gate that helped secure our land from nosy humans.

"I have a delivery."

"For?" answered Teitu with an atrocious accent.

Speaking slowly and loudly the floral shop employee said, "A Miss Bella Swan. Can you accept it for her?"

"Yes. Put them there," Teitu pointed to the ground nearby. The man placed the vase down thinking these people were nuts it was only a vase of roses. He handed Teitu a clipboard. Teitu stared at him blankly.

Demetri suggested at vampire pitch, "He is requesting your mark on that paper to show he did his work. Use that blue stick to make your mark."

Teitu carefully signed something I could not read and extended the clipboard back to the man. The employee all but rolled his eyes as he unclipped a small envelope from the stack of papers and handed it to Teitu.

"You forgot to accept the card. Have a good day." He drove away as quickly as possible. Teitu handed the card to Demetri who opened it.

Demetri gawped at the card that read in Spanish, "Bella, Can't wait to meet you and your entire family. Maria."

My lungs felt like Emmett and that burly Teitu Telecles both bouncing on my trunk like a trampoline. Grace felt something was off. I did not smell any kind of poison, Decimus was right behind me with the same concerns.

I dashed out the front door so fast that my family and Bella followed. Even King Larce made an appearance as his soldiers studied the vase. No one touched it.

No fool he, the regent said in Oscan to me, "Youngling, I will teach you how to recognize tricks of old demons like this. Do not blame yourself for not being trained. The fault is ours. This is advanced." Bella seemed to understand his words.

"What the blazes is that?" Jasper asked.

"A greeting from Maria, it seems." King Larce answered in English, and gestured at the card. "She is good," he acknowledged.

Jasper did not touch the note that Demetri had dropped on the ground as he leaned over and read it. With a disgusted snort, he moved so the rest of the family could see it. "She really must be losing it. She was never this showy."

Marcus had been with his Legions of Doom in the Park planning Maria domination when he had sensed the disturbance. He arrived, surrounded by a few thousand of his close friends. All of them were quite irritated.

"Remain calm," Jugurtha snapped. As it was evening and we did not have neighbors within miles we did not have to worry about that whole exposing ourselves to mortals issue.

I heard one of the old shamans that had been guarding the door of Bella's spirit say, "Now _that_ is one nasty spell," followed by grunts of agreement from his companions. The roses smelled strange. Other than that, they appeared to be normal flowers.

But if the shamans said it was a spell, then those flowers had to die. Now. I summoned the spirits in Quileute asking them to keep my beloved safe and to protect her and my family by helping me vanquish that vase of roses. It should not have been that difficult accepting that many spirits, but it hurt. And I aimed a blast at the roses that rivaled those I had used in Italy. They smirked back at me, completely unaffected. So I aimed another blast. Damn flowers winked at me.

Teitu Telecles put his hand on my shoulder, "Wait, young one." I suppose that was better than Youngling.

King Larce said, "You use power the wrong way with this. Do not touch the flowers," and raised his hands to -

And that's when I found myself torn spiritually from everyone's side into a room with Ephraim Black. How he had found his way into my library sitting by a bewildered Starched Shirt Edward I know not. Ephraim could not seem to see anyone but me.

"Edward?"

"Ephraim?"

"You had to go and fight destiny, didn't you." He shook his head with a sad smile running his fingers across a volume of Plato. "Nice library you have here."

"I am so sorry. I thought I was protecting the tribe when I left. I do not know what I can do to make up for my failures, but swear I will try—" He cut me off with a wave of his hand.

"Live and learn. You really have a problem."

"Which one?" I sighed. Not to complain, but I had lots of problems. Jugurtha had them in lists. There was the Bella problem, the dealing with my family problem, the dealing with the Telecles problem, the Maria problem, the tribe problem, the Paula problem, the handling snotty aristocrats problem. Boy, did I have problems. Lots. I collected them like stamps.

"This threat to the tribe could wipe them out forever. You must protect them."

"How?"

"Train them to cope with their new challenges and finish your test."

"No one will tell me _what_ the test is," I huffed indignantly.

"This is your test. You are facing it with the threat to the tribe." His face told me everything else I needed to know.

"So this is akin to Hezekiah's final exam." That was a real killer, that one.

Ephraim did not sugar coat his response, "Worse." I had never seen him look so bleak.

"You knew you were going to die," I stated.

"I did."

"Yet you told no one."

"Well, I did not know how or when. I knew it would be soon so I tried to prepare my family as best I could. Leaving them; that was the hardest thing I have ever done." He changed the subject, "I am allowed by the powers to give you a suggestion."

"This is because I'm the stupid white man, right?"

He chuckled and said, "They do seem to be impressed at some of your antics – especially how over-reactive you are on making sacrifices, so yes." He had been so young when he'd been murdered. Over-reactive? Me?

"What?"

"Stop worrying about yourself."

And then, with that odd bit of wisdom, he melted into the floor like a Salvador Dali painting. I found myself flat on my back in my bed, Father hovering over me, my siblings, Mother and Bella in the room.

Lovely. From Mother's thoughts I had collapsed into Teitu's startled arms and he had merrily insisted on carrying me to the house. I was never going to live this down. Routed by roses. So I needed to offer another explanation.

"I'm fine. Ephraim wanted my attention." That was the truth. Really.

Father asked, "Ephraim? Did you have a vision about him again?"

"No. This time he talked to me."

"You have never mentioned conversing with him before," Father examined my eyes with a pen light.

"I have never done so in a vision until now."

"Oh."

My dear little one sat beside me on the bed. "That's it. I'm done with school," Bella gritted. That was when my nose and ears decided to bleed. I feared she would become upset seeing the blood and began to shift away.

"Knock it off. Stay still. You are not allowed to bleed to death on me." Bella yanked a tissue from the end table and dabbed at me. Thankfully, the algae I consumed hid the smell of my blood from her. Rosalie went to the bathroom to fetch a wet cloth and more towels and a new pillowcase. Emmett went to the linen closet to find a new pillow seeing as I'd just ruined the one my head rested against.

"What do you mean about school?" With my nose pinched, it sounded like "thool." "And I'm not dying, I think."

She tossed a soaked tissue into the trashcan Jasper held out and tilted my head back further, "Using your powers turns your brains to mush. Your Dad showed me your scans." Fear crept into her voice, "I'm not putting Seth and the young wolves or Angela and my other friends at risk. Plus, this takes care of the immortals at school. I'm taking the GED exam so I don't need to go any more. I can't have your brains being turned to sawdust over me." Too late little girl.

"Me, too." Resounded from around the room. My siblings and I had effectively decided to become high school dropouts. Mind you, we were all senior citizens. But still.

Emmett smiled, "Great idea, Bella. Rose and I don't want to miss the twins' childhood." They slept peacefully downstairs.

Five minutes later the nosebleed stopped. Bella and Mother took turns wiping at my ears and nose, while Rosalie and Father handled the supplying the clean wet linens part. Head throbbing in agony, I let them. Some of the Telecles clan drifted into the room.

Bella asked, "Are you ok?"

"My head hurts," I said. "I feel like taking a nap and talking to Hezekiah."

"Who is that?" She sounded like she thought I had hallucinated.

I answered, "That is the Quileute shaman who trains me when I sleep in how to use these powers. I rest better with you by me. Do you mind?"

Something flickered in her eyes for a second before it vanished. It looked like a bit of defiance. "Fake Fiancé, I vote we go to bed." She said that so assuredly and crawled over me to her usual side of the mattress.

Who was I to argue with such brilliant thinking?

I heard Arria enter the area as she stormed from the forest all eager to start maiming someone for disturbing her daughter. She was a day late, and a dollar short, that one and about to throw a royal snit of the ages. Would the spirits consider just this once letting her take a nap? Fine. They said 'no' quite firmly to that plea. Even she created in them a healthy sense of self-preservation. My family and the Telecles clan left the room.

Downstairs, Marcus calmly proposed murdering the delivery man. With much amusement, I heard Jasper wryly explaining to him that he could not execute a human for simply performing his job. Tapping into his laptop, Jasper hacked the web site for the floral company. The bill had been paid on a credit card account we had discovered that one of the killers from the Yorkie festival owned. So Maria was connecting the dots for us in case we were supernaturally stupid. How kind of her.

Metaphorically hopping from foot to foot like a child at Christmas, I absolutely could not wait to meet Maria up close and in person. Her demon, too. I had a special welcome planned for Maria-Antigone-soon-would-not-be-needing-a-name-wench. Really. And her little demon.

After being examined visually and spiritually head-to-toe by her outraged Mother who had taken the stairs at vampire speed and bolted into the room, Bella said, "Arria, we need to rest. We both have bad headaches."

Arria reached over to the table and found Bella's pain medication. "Do you require this?"

"Yes, thank you." Bella took the tablets and a glass of water her Mother personally poured for her.

Mentally, I said to Arria, _"You know with the damage to my brain from the power I used today I am not capable of transforming into anything that would hurt Bella. Would you mind giving us privacy? I proposed to her today." _

"_Have you announced it?" _Arria inquired.

"_No, she's drugged. I wanted to make sure she still meant it in the morning when the medication and shock wears off. No one knows but you."_

"_Break her heart again and I will break you."_ She nodded and left the room. As I lay with Bella on the bed, I decided it was time, to play dirty. Not that kind of dirty. Besides, the door was wide open and I really did have a headache.

The immortals from high school would not be satisfied with us simply not attending. They would find excuses to stay and linger in some exasperating capacity. And Marcus might be upset if I killed them all, seeing as most came from reputable clans that were allied to him. So I reached for my phone and did the only thing that to me that made perfect sense.

At vampire speed, I texted Mary Sue Newborn and asked if she would mind paying a visit and bringing along the whole Denali gang as well. This most definitely ranked as a newborn emergency. I had scores of immortal men that required improper seducing and public humiliation. Women, too. My phone rang.

I heard them squealing in excitement as Mary Sue clapped her hands and announced, "Sisters, Edward is requesting we travel to Forks to seduce snotty sycophants. What Would Tanya Denali do?"

"Seduce them with style!" I heard the rest of the newborn clan shriek and laugh with glee.

Mary Sue asked, "How soon do you need us there?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh, goody!" she caroled, "We'll be there soon, cutie pie. We had so much fun plotting the last time. I can't wait to see you," I terminated the connection.

"Who was that?" Bella asked.

"I invited the newborns to come and meet the aristocrats that have caused you distress. They are bringing the Denali coven with them who are old family friends and cannot wait to get started." I heard choking from all over the house. Mother actually crossed herself as she stared at her accounts from her business. Father began texting Irina about Bella's heart condition. He wanted to make sure Tanya would behave herself. Irina texted him back that she would personally ensure that her sister did not kill Edward's mate.

Emmett said, "Man, Edward must be pissed, because that's plain evil."

Jasper smiled proudly, "He really is growing into a fine young man with a good head on his shoulders. Even I did not think of that idea. It's going to be fantastic to watch."

Marcus inquired, "Would you all mind telling me which pack of newborns are coming into town? And who turned them? How did the Denali coven take custody of them?"

Three floors above, my dear little one regained my undivided attention. She smiled, transforming her face as she scooted closer towards me on the bed. I froze, lost in the beauty of the moment.

Bella then pulled me against her. "Excellent move calling them. That would be wonderful. I definitely approve."

Now with the immediate vicinity of immortals to be otherwise occupied by vulgar goings on, I had time to plan for my meeting with Maria. We had so much catching up to do. For the first time ever, I used quality-singer-pressed-against-the-flesh time to seek out Hezekiah. No sacrifice was too dear to earn back the love of my dear little Fake-to-her-Real-to-me Fiancée. I had to figure out how to woo my mate and kill Maria and her army. Thankfully, I no longer had to worry about homework and irritating exams. And alas, no more Mrs. Corelli, or that toad history teacher. How ever would I cope?

Jugurtha sighed happily, "I'm penciling in time to plot to kill the devious Maria. And you definitely have a lot of courting to do. Let's start by taking her on a visit to see Douglas first thing tomorrow."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I vote 'yes' bring on the Spanish Inquisition!" He all but shouted and stomped an indignant foot. "No one sends flowers to our dear little peach! And a trip to see the squirrel would be appropriate if we are chaperoned."

I reminded the twerp, "Maria did murder lots of innocent people, too, you know. And we, alas, are chaperoned everywhere we go."

"Right! Punish that mass murderer! That, too!" he insisted. Pompous Poser.

I asked Bella, "What happened to the flowers?"

"Great-Grandfather Larce made them blow up. It was kind of cool to watch."

Downstairs, the vastly amused by the description of the newborn chaos that was barreling its way to town Marcus turned to his sons and Father-in-law. Vivinna had arrived as had her raven-haired still irritated-looking-after-all-these-years muscular like a gymnast brother, Aranthur. Ye gads! That man needed to lighten up. Bring some joy into his life. Seriously. I know his son Vel was deeply emotionally scarred due to that captivity at the hands of the not-so-nice Romanians for a thousand years and all, and possibly insane. But still. At least he had his health.

The Gorgon said, "Husband, what do you desire?" Funny, I knew she was not talking about marital relations.

"I believe we should send Maria a message -a long overdue one. Did you obtain the item?" Marcus asked his son Pesna. Arria smiled and my stomach plummeted wondering what she was up to.

With newly green eyes, my in-law Pesna canted his head and grinned. Unlike his brother Skeevy, it did not make him appear a bit friendlier. "Yes, Caius had it ready." He held out what appeared to be a child's toy made of clay.

Metie smirked. He still appeared every bit as crazy as before. And I still stood by my theory that he was some misplaced Viking lost in time. He was so pale he was blindingly white even by immortal standards. And his lips almost looked like he had women's cosmetics on them. Not that I normally looked at the lips of men. But his were surrounding that peculiar smile.

Marcus crumbled the toy it into dust that hit the floor and used it to open a portal.

On the other side reclined Maria on a couch. The immortal child sat by her. His feet did not reach the ground. Aaron and a few others stood in the room behind them muttering as they stared at a table full of maps of the State of Washington. Jasper all but mentally danced for joy as he stared at the clearly outlined battle plans in Aaron's messy handwriting.

"Who are you?" Maria spat at us. And I mean she literally expectorated on the ground a glob of black sputum, and wiped away charcoal-appearing drool from her swollen lips. How crude.

"Sister, what is it?" Caius' long lost son inquired. His hands glowed as he prepared to burn whatever threatened her. That looked like an awful lot of power to be in the hands of someone who was certifiably insane. Sitting by someone even crazier. You could see on his face, however, the love he felt for her.

Marcus did not bother with formalities. He handed a sealed by wax envelope to his daughter. Arria tossed the piece of paper at Maria that had Jasper's distinctive handwriting on it. It hit her in the forehead and bounced into her lap. Moving in a blur, Marcus decapitated the child with a short vampire blade while Maria was distracted, staring greedily at the envelope's face. King Larce and Vivinna helped with flying blades. In the blink of an eye, the Immortal child was history, literally. Moving at speeds a normal immortal could only dream of they grabbed his remains through the portal. Maria screamed in agony and stared in horror at the now venom-splattered note that mocked her from her lap.

Marcus said, "Antigone, I've offered you a proper invitation to battle, penned by Raphael. You're boring me to tears with your beginner's tactics. Caius thanks you for your years of baby sitting. He's taking his son back now." He made sure she saw him tossing a twitching arm of the immortal child into the fire that burned in the living room. The portal closed decisively as she shrieked.

They threw the rest of the remains into the fireplace in the living room and burned the quivering mass in the typical Telecles-Catharnai business-like manner. Jasper was given the honor of disposing of the head. Like handling a basketball, he tossed the last bit of the screaming immortal child into the fire with the comment, "Ain't Karma grand." Arria personally added the oil to make the fire burn hotter. Thucer helped. Teitu leaned against the wall studying them all, clearly amused. I suppose this was the Telecles children's version of playing together.

"He can't burn fast enough to satisfy me," Arria hissed staring at the still glowing oddly hands of the immortal child in suspicion.

"All you had to do was ask, sister dear," Teitu said as he waved a hand at the fireplace. Whatever he did made the fire so hot it incinerated the body. I still wondered how he and his three brothers had lost their heads all those years ago, considering he had _that_ amount of power. "He was an amateur." Teitu said of the immortal child.

Jasper said to Skeevy, "Genevieve said the vision she sent of my family dying at his hands came from your eyes. How is that?" Now that was a thorny question.

"While spirit-walking, I saw it happen. I was drawn to the power of him," Skeevy nodded at the fireplace, "I watched it from Russia. I am sorry you saw that. We spent generations scouring the earth for immortals of power trying to find our family."

Vivinna added, "I saw it too. We had no idea who the people were. I have no idea how this woman took the memory from us." That seemed to disturb the Gorgon. Welcome to my life.

Marcus dialed Caius and said, "Brother, it is done." He ended the call, because really, what else was there to say? We used extra virgin olive oil to make his limbs burn faster? He looked like your side? My son enjoyed using his powers out on your son's corpse? Your son really knew how to heat up a room?

Jugurtha liked that last line, laughing and slapping his knee.

"Edward," Bella said my name for the first time in months. It sounded rusty falling from her lips.

Wearily, I opened my eyes, "Yes, dearest?"

Harrumphing at my endearment she said, "Go to sleep. And you're still a drug pusher, flower-demolishing Fake Fiancé. Thank you for helping me." She wrapped me into her arms stroking my back and the nape of my neck, which helped with that whole head pounding like a three-alarm-fire problem I had, and I sighed in contentment and kissed her collarbone.

"You are safe. I will never let anyone harm you," I vowed from the haven of her arms.

Together, we reached for oblivion, sheltered for now as I searched for Hezekiah. I was a man on a mission as I felt the engagement ring all but burning in my pocket, reminding me of my goals. School was back in session. But in the meantime, I was enjoying being putty in Bella's felt-so-good-I-wanted-to-weep-with-joy hands. As her fingers caressed my supernaturally scorched skin, I felt my pain slowly fading away.

"Christ, Bella, you have no idea how good your hands feel. My head is killing me," I muttered against her throat. Then and there, I decided that she could toy with me all she wanted as she traced my ears with her fingertips. It was only fair seeing as this was a matter of love and war.

"Shh! I hope you have a shield up. If Arria hears you, she'll never leave us alone. Is there a vampire equivalent of a shotgun wedding?"

"No, there is not an equivalent. Yes, I do have a shield in place. And Arria is leaving us alone because I am too weak to do anything." I tapped my temple, which was not the best idea, "Splitting headache, remember?" Unfortunately.

"Hmm we'll have to work on that, Edward."

By Jove! I swear that woman was trying to kill me, like every other demented female in her line. And I could not be happier about it. Oh the plans I had regarding wooing my wily wife as she worked on my neck and shoulders and back and neck. Did I mention how I loved the feel of her on me? How the shards of my soul sang? Mary Sue newborn would most definitely approve.

* * *

**This is what Maria left for Bella. Mizra made it for me, and did not blink when I asked her if she would mind adding some red stuff to the picture:**

**http:/i689**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/vv251/fanfics09/ImComingForYou (dot) jpg**

**Snarky Summary: This Maria, she doesn't call, but she does write and send flowers. Cue the Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand duet of You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore. **

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=wj10EzNKA2M

**That hideous hoyden Maria certainly is determined all of a sudden to attract Jasper's attention now that his first wife is so conveniently dead for good. Main Edward thinks that even cat-eating-hungry Jasper would never deign to have any form of intercourse with the current Maria. And yowza! Does Maria ever know how to make disreputable friends of the demonic persuasion. Marcus explains that Maria has managed to break the one final frontier of vampire taboos. It wasn't like she had not already signed her death warrant. But still. No, Maria had to go and be an overachiever on that front. Jasper is all kinds of twitchy to get his hands on her. For moral purposes, of course. **

**At the hands of his sisters, Jasper, and Marcus and King Larce, Edward is tutored in the fine art of groveling and the vampire mate bond emotion sharing dealio is explained. Edward wants**_** that **_**nonsense to stop immediately. He's still living by that Golden Rule of No More Truth Telling Ever, which includes emotions in the fine print. He apologizes to Bella for his ungentlemanly behavior after tossing and turning because Bella decided to exile herself to her Father's sofa in the guest cottage. Which is wrong. She belongs in bed with her husband. So sniffs Main Edward, the now insomniac asshat. **

**Speaking of jerks, the school decides to let the fur fly in the form of food missiles aimed at his Edwardliness for his mortification of Bella the day before. Edward flees to the locker room for a conference on women with Erik Yorkie, and a side of compassion and humiliation offered at Bella's hands. Angela and Bella have a chat about Edward. Mrs. Corelli, Marcus, and Esme and Carlisle meet to discuss that whole death threat issue. The history teacher makes a huge impression on Bella – as does the considerate art display left on his desk. **

**Bella proposes to Edward. And he makes a counteroffer of the ages. So does she. So does he. Bella decides she's done with high school. Forever. And Maria sends her very best. Again. So Marcus pays a short visit to leave his regards and hand deliver an invitation penned by Jasper. Wonder what's in that letter, eh? What do you say to the woman who arranged the murder of your entire human line. "Toodles?" Just between you and me, that bitch needs to die already. Stay tuned for more Edward and Bella.**

**

* * *

**

**We are approaching the end of the Heart of Darkness arc.**

**Please review, Starched Shirt Edward needs someone to explain to him just what happened. He thinks he's engaged. But he's not sure. And someone said something about sexual intercourse. He thinks.**

**To encourage you to do so, anyone who reviews this chapter will get a satire of Bella's diary sent to them. It's for you to figure out which parts are mockery and which parts are what she actually thinks. Mwa-hah-hah.**

**

* * *

**

**Closing songs: **

**Y Como Es El – Marc Anthony – has English translation and I think of Edward thinking about Dream Edward when I hear it. **

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=OpeRKIKurIg

**What About Me? – Moving Pictures**

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=OzQKECQgjW8

**References for this chapter are posted on my profile.**


	60. HOD pt 49 How to Court Your Wife

**Heart of Darkness – Part Forty-Nine – How to Court Your Wife in Seventeen Syllables**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media copyright infringement is intended, nor will I ever make a dime from Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron who are mine. So there.

**Thanks to vjgm for being my senior validating beta. And entertaining me so. Mwa-haa-haa.**

**Many thanks to Fantasy Mother and LJ Summers for the beta-extraordinaire skills. **

**Thanks as well to Katinki and pomme_de_terre for their assistance. And GinnyW, too.**

**So I owe some people not only a big round of thanks, but a serving of humble pie as well (mine, not theirs). I always look over the list of who reviewed to thank my muses and found a whole 2 pages of reviews that went unanswered and completely freaked out. Either the software at Twilight ate them – which has happened in the past – I was sicker than I thought with that last bout of bronchitis and zoomed – which is entirely possible as well. So mea culpa to a whole boatload of you for my late responses to your reviews. I answer every one, and it is important to me that everyone be acknowledged. I promised a satire to every one who reviewed the last chapter. And I do remember sending those out, but ff and twilighted were both cranky that day. If you did NOT receive one, please PM me and I'll send it to you. Evil author's honor. Really *blinks***

**Thanks to photgal, schleprock, blueschicka, Ajo4, summerc79, lynnehand, winterraine, Fleuritup, jenejes, JaJiTaXx, Missy96, Mav, Rogue, Scarlet, Rgwmnka, Merrisol, KristenHazzard, pomme_de_terre, WillowMarie, elphabacy35, CindyWindy, notmyself, twaddls, fanficreader83, lippert1000, Lost Star, nocturnal_rendevous, kimboacp, shemhazai, mariann17, necroscope52, anniebme, lovebooks, TraceyJ, redsoxlove, MsLessa, Robs_Muse, sariedee, ttyyyytt, stykks, Cclan, writz, JB30, latour, DawnStimson, RosalieSmiled, prettyflour, PJAustin, cuteangelgirl01, mortangel, AliziaZA, Forest Sentry Koneji, Mutt N. Feathers, Elletee, Lady Dragona, Avidreader69, hunybmom, rileybier, SolenoidBelle, jmolly, dellatwi, star574, Lisa54aa, Luv4edwardcullen, hastaluego, Codelina, HarlamBella, Angelbach, LJSummers, Viridis73, and PurplemadDragon.**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So Edward has been having a Hell of a time at school due to that whole what prettyflour calls "conversational blue balls" problem. Yep, he's got that, except it's caused in part by Mrs. Corelli's behavioral management plan for Courting Your Not Quite Wife 101. She and Starched Shirt Edward should get together. Wait. Scratch that. Never mind. It's also caused by the irritating as all get-out factor that all these haughty snotty- not having a clue how to blend-in-y with humans aristocrats are vampire squatting at Forks High, trying to suck up in more ways than one to his dear little one. Edward managed to earn his bride's forgiveness for his latest conversational chaos clusterfuck. And he has a summit with Eric Yorkie on the nature of women and his human PR problem at the High School. That damn Maria in her ever so subtle way keeps sending tokens of her disrespect to Bella and Mary Alice – this time a paper sculpture of a bloody swan on sheet music. How creative. Bitch. Soon to be dead bitch. But still. Edward does not take the news well that Victoria had Bella's phone number. He insists that he will have to act to save his dear little deranged one by changing her number to keep her from being harassed by spiritually sleazy demonic riffraff. **

**Bella decides to take life by the horns and become a college dropout. Book Bella traded a semester of college for sex. I thought it only fair that CC Bella trade high school for the right to keep breathing. The rest of the Cullens think that's a fine idea. No more school for them. Ever. Well, at least in Forks. Bella asks Edward to marry her. Really. Sort of. Maria sends more token of her false esteem, and lets everyone know that she and Satan are like this *crosses fingers*. Honest. *blinks* *crosses self*. Edward has a brief chat with Ephraim. Marcus decides it's time that Maria suffer a bit and kills the immortal child right before her beady eyes. He neglects to offer her financial remuneration for her centuries of babysitting. Cheapskate. His family has a bonfire over the body of Caius' late son. With extra olive oil and spite on the side. Now THAT is a true friend. Who else would you're your only surviving progeny to save you from getting in trouble with your wife? Marcus is the man. Jasper leaves Maria a hand-penned missive. Wonder what's up with that? What can you possibly say in one page to someone like Maria? Because, "Die bitch," seems too crude for courtly Jasper the tactician with mad - and I really mean mad - game. **

**Things you might want to keep in mind for this chapter from past ones – go re-read the break-up scene. Really. It will help. Promise. Also, you might want to recall that whole Buck Naked Edward dealio. Bella proposed and propositioned – sort of – no really, actually, her husband in the last chapter. Edward's human Mother had a vision of his bride and told him all about how much he would love Bella right before they died (Her and her son - not him and Bella. Got that?). Sister Claire is from HOD1 and was very influential on Edward's life, not that he's told anyone about her. But still. Edward has had some visions while he dreams – some showing past events involving people he knows. Some he thinks might have been insanity induced because they had Bella doing some pretty improbable things – like running somewhat gracefully – and outrunning her guards. Women. Figures. Unpredictable every last one of them. **

**Our last chapter ended with Edward in bed with Bella. Not doing anything like **_**that**_**. Perverts. She was stroking. His hair. Really. On his head. The **_**other**_** one that he occasionally uses to think. Alas. And so we begin. **

* * *

_I had the strangest dream. In it I saw a distraught and, might I add, disheveled Marcus limping into a dank cavern. He was covered with slashes that seemed reluctant to heal, and determined to seep. The only sound in the cave came from the drops of blue-tinged venom that leaked from his wounds, and splattered to the rock floor. From the back emerged a cloaked form. And I do not mean to be rude, but it was hard to decide who smelled worse. Him or her. I think the dark figure was a her, at least. _

"_What brings you, Marcus?" It was definitely a her. She possessed a sublime alto voice that would make singing coaches weep at its richness._

"_You know damn well, witch." Considering he was unarmed and she radiated power, this did not bode well. I must be having some odd dream of an anti-Marcus. _

_Frost all but dripped from her, "You shall address me with respect."_

_He bowed his head as she waved an arm and bodies appeared around him at his feet. I could not see much in the gloom, but many were children, several human and quite young. At least they were at the time of their deaths. It would be an understatement to say that they had been savaged. In a phantom basket to the side sat the heads of his four eldest sons, frozen in mid-scream. They had not gone gently into that bleak night by the condition of the skulls. Marcus squeezed his eyes shut as if he could not bear the gory sight before him, and then opened them and stared mournfully as if he could not look away at all that remained of his family. Something flickered behind him and he spun to see piles of what remained of his Legionnaires. They made up fields and fields of piles of smoldering limbs._

_The woman tsked, and he turned to face her, "A handsome lot. You must say out loud what it is that you want from me."_

_He bowed his head respectfully, "Please. I want my life back. You once offered me power. I am here to accept."_

"_You gave that away when you accepted the teeth of the vampire." She sounded bored._

"_I want my clan, my family."_

"_They are dead."_

"_I have been told you can change that." Marcus fell to his knees and reached out for the nearest body. His shaking hand passed through it. He shut his eyes. _

"_I will grant your request." She announced that so understandably. _

"_My thanks."_

"_For your disrespect, I will only partially grant the favor." _

_His shoulders slumped. He craned his neck up at her and said, "What part of it?"_

"_I will bring back four of the children."_

"_My thanks." His tone was flat. His voice shook. "What is the condition?"_

"_You must choose which child I return to you."_

_Marcus wept and waved a hand to the bodies that surrounded him, "I love them all. How could you make me choose?"_

"_Even him?" She pointed to Metie, Well, what was left of him. "He is not of your flesh."_

_"That matters not. He is my son."_

_She said nothing and acted like she had all the time in the world._

_He stood like a condemned man, defiant, yet broken._

_I rubbed my eyes as I heard Marcus sob. Surely, I must have hallucinated that part?_

"_You disregarded my counsel, Marcus. You made children with the most powerful line next to ours. What did you expect to happen? By giving them life, you threw them in Fate's path."_

_Chest heaving, he said through gritted teeth, "Give me the four strongest in power. . . please."_

_She lowered her hood. Quite possibly, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. But she was still ugly where it mattered. The crone nodded. "Your ambition will cost you. I will even throw in your lost legions for free."_

_"I will pay any price."_

_The words dropped like daggers from her upturned lips. "I know that. One thousand years."_

_"Done," He said that so quickly._

_"Without your mate."_

_Marcus gulped, stared her in the eye with hate, and whispered, "Now you toy with me. My mate is dead. Unlike some of my children, Vivinna's body is ashes and unrecoverable."_

_The woman's voice crooned, "You were misinformed. She lives still. The pain you feel is not only from the loss of your clan, but from the separation from her."_

_He smiled for all of a millisecond before his features fell into grief. _

"_Done." _

"_I am curious. Why did you request the four strongest?"_

"_My children will have to be strong to survive the enemies that will hunt them. It would kill my wife to lose them a second time."_

"_A wise answer." The woman walked off into the stygian darkness and chuckled, "I shall watch you with interest, my child. You show promise. Leave now."_

"_Wait! I beg of you!" Her footsteps halted._

"_You try my patience, young one."_

"_How do I kill the demon? It has destroyed thousands and must be stopped."_

"_How generous of you to consider the welfare of others. That should have been your first question."_

"_My apologies. I am not myself."_

_She appeared at his side in an instant and touched him on the arm. Marcus screamed as she chanted something in an ugly language._

_He slumped to the ground falling amidst the illusions of his children. The bodies disappeared on contact with him as he reached out his hands and writhed in agony, "No!"_

"_You have the tools to slay the demon. Use them wisely. They drain your energy." She tsked._

_Newly healed of the lacerations that had covered him, Marcus crawled to his knees and mumbled, "My thanks." He used protrusions in the rock of the cave to pull himself to his feet. After panting for a moment, he stiffly walked away into the night._

"Wake up." Something shook me. I opened my eyes to find Bella cradling me against her. And stroking my hair. Which felt nice.

"I'm sorry?"

I heard Arria say, "Daughter, are you well?" I sensed that the sound barrier I had created prior to falling asleep had shattered.

"Yes. Edward had a bad dream. He's fine." Oh merciful Heavens, I heard Young to Me Old Power approach along with my Parents. Can't a man have a nightmare in peace?

Bella put her fingers to my mouth as I opened my lips to speak. Transfixed, I watched as she put an index finger against her full lips that I really wanted to taste. The lips. The finger, too. Heck, all ten of them. And then her neck. Oh, she wanted me to stay silent. Well, that was not a challenge. Then she took her hand and shut my eyes for me. Fine. Eyes would remain shut. I could obey my bossy little human. Sometimes. This seemed like a reasonable decision. And that was the last thing I remembered as I felt her arms tighten around me. Dammit. Life was so unfair. It ripped me from basking in her divine embrace to sitting slumped in Hezekiah's grove in my usual leather chair – which felt cold and damp.

"My dear friend, you have the most abominable timing." I was going to have a temper tantrum of the ages if he pulled this during my honeymoon.

"We have some work to do, but first, we've been summoned."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Marvelous. Lead on, McDuff."

He smacked me across the back rather hard for someone so frail, "Now you watch your tongue, smarty-pants."

Hezekiah placed his hand on my shoulder. The grove evaporated and we found ourselves standing back in the moldy cave from the dream I had about Marcus. And I had not, I am sorry to say, imagined the stench wafting from the cloaked figure. It was body odor with a top note of bat excrement. Even Hezekiah gulped, swallowed and turned green. Due to that irritating having a heart beat issue, I could not stop breathing like any other immortal. Which sucked.

"Step forward, child." Now this could not be good. Hezekiah stood beside me in his Sunday best, and nudged me forward. Close up, if possible, she smelled even more disgusting. My eyes watered.

I fell to my knees, hoping to find better air while pretending to be polite. No such luck. Now I had guano on my knees. The ammonia was wrecking havoc with those refined wolfpyre senses. This woman could give the Volturi lessons in the fine art of olfactory torture. Really. Caius himself would sing like a canary to escape this noisome den.

I had not imagined the beauty of her voice, "You have unusual power. I have never seen the like." She reached out towards me. Because Hezekiah did not seem to be disturbed, I did not prevent her from taking my hands and touching the venom scars. The birds blinked at her cautiously. My, the woman had warm hands.

"You will take a message to Marcus for me." She was not vampire, but she had the ice cold strength of one. What was I? The immortal postal service? Didn't they have cell phones over here? Or email? Wait. Scratch that. Wouldn't Marcus with his Marcus-vine gift be able to link with this woman? Marcus could do anything. Right?

"Yes ma'am?" After what I had seen, I was not about to offend her. "I hope the news is good. You know what they say about killing the messenger," escaped from my lips.

She threw back her head and laughed, and squeezed my hands. "What a treasure you are. I shall enjoy watching you grow." I did not feel the need to correct her. Due to my quirky nature, the only attributes about me that would ever grow were my hair, my audacity, my guilt, and my shame. I would never grow any other way, being a vampire and all. Perhaps she was insane in addition to being just plain cruel. Judging from her grip, she could crush Emmett in an arm wrestling contest. I contemplated inviting her home for entertainment purposes.

"Tell my son, that I guard his lost children. That I keep their spirits safe so that none shall take them. Tell my son he needs to remember the rest of our bargain."

"Your son?" I blanched.

"Marcus." Funny, now that I thought about it, he did have her eyes. Cold, silver, and deadly.

"Might I ask a question?"

"You may?" She raised a brow.

"The Gorgon keeps asking me about Rasce. Does he dwell among the lost children?"

"He does." She genuinely smiled, "You call her the Gorgon?"

Oops. Hezekiah said I looked like a man who accidentally swallowed a bottle of hot sauce.

"Madam, I most sincerely apologize if I caused offense."

"I told him not to marry the high born chit, and then he had to go and fall in love with her," she shook her head, "I adore the nickname. It's appropriate. Come back and see me, and we shall talk further." She patted my cheek and I felt this rush of energy bowling about my brain.

Jugurtha griped that I needed to keep my mouth shut. "That woman is the most powerful thing I have ever seen. She's scarier than the King of the Lost Covens." He captured my undivided attention because he truly sounded fearful.

Hezekiah stepped forward and did that whole shoulder grabbing thing and yanked me back into our grove, most likely to keep me from saying anything like, _"While we're reminiscing about your family, let's form a mutual loathing club about Arria, too, shall we?" _

"Christ Jesus, Edward. Son, you have got a mouth on you for one that barely speaks," my friend laughed, wiping away tears of mirth. "Sitting Bull approves of your behavior. Even Quanah Parker is impressed."

"Sacajawea is standing there in the afterlife with the Committee saying nothing, right? With crossed arms and a tapping foot?"

"That she is." Typical. Contrary female. Gives me some ambiguous statement about my latest test and then vanishes.

"Edward, she did say something now."

"And what would that be?"

"Get ready to work." Lovely. "We have fallen behind on your training, son. And we don't have much time."

Hezekiah trained me, spiritually speaking, to the point where I wanted to curl up in a ball and grovel for mercy from the nosebleeds and passing out part. He kept feeding me algae delivered by Grace when I would vomit and would make me get back up and train harder. And then he worked me more. Hezekiah said we had a lot of catching up to do, training wise. Understatement. That. Liver spotted Heartless Geezer – I mean how kind of him to make months of training pass in our little parallel universe while assuring me that Bella would not be a spritely ninety-two when I returned. To make me work harder, occasionally, he'd show me a glimpse of her and she appeared to be well.

More of those Quileute memories were coming unraveled from the tangled mess that occupied a corner of my pickled brain. My accent which was already good, improved, so said Hezekiah. And now I could actually physically see the spirits – at least I could in this realm.

"You've done good, son. I'm proud of how hard you have worked."

"Please tell me this was the end of my most recent test – surviving being in the same room as Marcus' Mother?" I pleaded from my position flat on my back on the soft moss at the foot of my recliner in our grove. Grace helpfully splashed some water on my face and stroked my forehead.

"Nope, sorry. You're still being tested. Miss Grace approves of how hard you're working too."

"Is this punishment?" I certainly deserved it.

"Edward, in order to be considered worthy of having all that power, the spirits have to weigh in on the matter from time to time. Obviously, you are a special case."

"I know."

"You raised a lot of eyebrows with your shenanigans in Italy."

"They spirits helped me."

"That they did. They had a mighty fine time socking it to some of those vampires. But you scared them a little, too."

"I did? How is that possible?"

"Because you had what Jenny calls a nervous breakdown."

"All things considered, I think I'd earned it, don't you?" Was all I could say in response.

He coughed to prevent what would have been - I suspect - a mordant chuckle and fiddled with his walking stick.

"Edward," his features became stern, "you selected a human woman to be turned to a vampire without giving it much thought." I winced, as the shame seeped through my pathetic excuse for a soul.

He gave me one of those, 'I'm about to impart wisdom you do not want to hear' stares. "Considering that, it is only reasonable that they have to make sure you are up to the challenge of having that amount of power."

"Hezekiah?"

"Yes, son."

"Every time I have been tested, I have made a sacrifice." I swallowed back a mouthful of venom, "If I have more power than anyone they have ever seen, it only makes sense that they will continue to test me."

"Well, that might be true."

"And pretty soon I will run out of things to give up."

"Edward, when I said 'power requires sacrifice,' I think you over-reacted a wee bit."

"What do you mean?"

"The spirits expected you to show some sort of commitment to them and the tribe. They really did not expect you to go hog wild and give up the power of the algae to reduce your blood lust for your Little Missy. And they really were floored when you gave up the pleasure from your Little Missy's blood. That was on you."

This was beyond unfair. "Can I take it back?"

"No, it doesn't work that way."

"Hezekiah, correct me if I am wrong. Did you not in your first test from the spirits sacrifice by stuffing all those Quileute powers into my vampire mind when you were trying to protect the tribe in 1940?"

"Yes."

"And the second time they tested you, if memory serves, you willingly went to your death?" I shuddered remembering the sight taken from the not-quite-dead-yet Gregory Clearwater's brain of how he had beaten Hezekiah to death.

"That's true. But Edward, I made sacrifices that benefited the tribe. How does you giving up the ability of the algae to kill the blood lust you feel for Bella help the tribe?"

"Oh." I was an idiot.

"How does you giving up the scent of Bella's blood help the tribe?"

I grumbled, "Well pardon me for taking them literally. Next time I'll know better and will sacrifice a rodent in their honor and anoint him with oil and wine before setting him alight."

Hezekiah sat on the ground by me. "Edward, I wish I could say when you die that you get all the answers to the questions you have about life. You don't. I made the choices I did at the time because they seemed right for me. Edward, with the power that you have, just do your best to live your life with honor. That's all I ask."

"Half the wolves Paula turned are dead. I was not there to protect them or train them because I thought I was being honorable." I rolled my head to the side to meet his gaze. "I can offer no explanation for Merrisol du Pre – none that would make any kind of sense – aside from saying I was trying to save the lives of my family and Bella and used her as a distraction. It's a pathetic excuse to condemn someone to being a vampire. And that is, as you say, on metoo. I have to live with that."

"We all do, son. You aren't alone. But the test of character comes in what you do now."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to wallow about it, or are you going to try to go about helping others?"

"The helping others part sounds like the right thing to do. But I thought I was doing that all along."

"You have the strangest tendency to either overthink things to death or to not even notice them. It fascinates me. You had a hand in Merrisol's fate, and that makes you partly responsible for her future."

"I'm glad I entertain you and the rest of the committee. I thank you for your aid. I will see what I can do to assist Merrisol, although as she is newly mated, I probably will not see her for some time." I could feel him fading away and called, "Give my best to Jenny."

I awoke alone in my bed. The headache did not pain me as much as before, which seemed promising. Memories of yesterday – of the fear, and the rage, and the hope – swept through me. I was engaged! Maybe. Hopefully? Speaking of which, mentally, I searched for my bride hoping that those memories indeed were from 24 hours past. I needed to ensure that she was not an octogenarian. I had her nightgown clutched against me like one of the napping twins' clasping a favorite blanket.

Lord, I hoped I had not demanded she remove it for me prior to letting her leave the bed. Because I had no such memory. And that would be wrong on so many levels. The not remembering part. She could disrobe for me any time. We were mated. Sort of. But still. I would be delighted to help her with that whole sexual inhibitions part. Once we were alone. And she was speaking to me. That seemed appropriate.

Grace showed me that Bella walked in the forest nearby with Marcus. And I was stunned to realize that, if her cell phone that lay on the bedside table was accurate, four days had passed with me sleeping. I remembered just then that Victoria had called my dear little fake-to-her-very-much-real-to-me-fiancee, and my vow to change her phone number. Her phone rang just then, and before I could stop myself I destroyed it. Emmett sat in the corner making notations in a sketch pad.

"Ah sleeping beauty awakens. Father!" he bellowed unnecessarily loudly, closing his sketch book.

Then he made obnoxious kissing noises at me trying to hide the concerned gaze.

Solemnly I intoned, "Emmett, you are married."

"Yeah, what about it, buddy?"

"Which means that I am afraid I will have to decline your request for a kiss. It would not be proper. Additionally, there's the clincher that I am completely repulsed by you."

"Twerp!" He reached for a pillow and me as Father walked into the room and evilly inquired, "Gentlemen, am I interrupting? Would you prefer for me to come back at a later time?"

"What about me,buster?" Rosalie cooed as she sashayed into the narrowed her eyes at her frozen mate who clutched a pillow that I suspect he had planned on smothering me with - seeing as I inconveniently had to breathe and all due to that pesky heartbeat problem. He dropped the weapon like a thief.

"Aw Rosie, I was teasing. Sorry, Edward. You've been out of it for four days and yes, Bella's walking with Marcus nearby. So what were you – what the heck is wrong with your palms, and Jeez Louise, you stink!"

He was right. I did. I stared at my palms. Instead of being a deep purple in color – which the Gorgon had made them when she'd burned them into my palms, the gyrfalcons were now a blue so dark it almost appeared to be black. Somehow, they'd grown in size, too.

"He looks worse than he did when he went to sleep. That can't be good," Emmett said to Father and Rosalie as if I were not right before him. He waved a hand before his face, "Sorry buddy, but you stink. Like saying you smell like bat shit would be a compliment. Father, I think he passed out again."

I heard Rosalie say, "What the heck would make him smell that bad? And how did his hands change like that?"

"He crunched Bella's phone just because it was ringing, too. That's not like him at all."

Ignoring my squawking family, using my gift, I quickly found Bella and Marcus again. "Isabella," Marcus stepped around a deer fern and paused, to capture her attention.

"Yes?"

"Edward is having a difficult time at present."

"Yeah, I know. He's been sound asleep for four days. That can't be normal," she sounded concerned.

"Our kind do not sleep. Ever. Except for Edward. Carlisle has told me Edward woke up about thirty seconds ago and asked after your welfare. I'm afraid he strangled your phone."

"I never use it anyway. He's ok?"

Marcus consulted the Marcus-vine. "Carlisle is going to examine him. You should prepare yourself because Edward appears . . . haggard. I do not mean to pry. I know Edward's separation from you caused considerable pain. It would help him if you were to engage him in conversation more often."

"Grandfather Marcus, I hate talking probably more than he does."

"I know, child. Which do you detest more, talking in general or conversing with the fawning sycophants that have been hounding you lately?"

"Their visits these past few days. . ." she shuddered. "Are they always that obnoxious about shoving their superiority in everyone's face?"

"Yes. They are. So if you speak to Edward more often and appear to be in accordance with him, they will still clamor for your attention, but not your hand in marriage. He scares them quite effectively. Edward also needs help healing, and I believe you are one of the few that can aid him."

"Can't we just have Miss Grace kill them all instead?" She sounded so hopeful. I hope she did not include me in that mass slaying.

Marcus actually laughed out loud. "No one will ever doubt your Telecles heritage, my dear. But we need to work on your tactics. Besides, we require our alliances for the upcoming fight with Maria."

She grumbled, "Fine. Your snobby friends get to live to wheedle another day."

They walked farther away, surrounded by chortling guards. He guided her back towards the house. I had to get ready. I could not have her seeing me in such a state or smelling me. And she never answered whether or not she was going to talk to me.

Jugurtha waved an index finger at me, "Now, now, Mr. Glass-is-half-empty-standing-in-the-middle-of-the-Sahara-desert, she never said she would not be willing to engage in conversation with us, either. You are being pessimistic, unnecessarily, might I add. We have our immortal nature on our side. The bond between you and Bella means she cannot stay away for long." I could not admit even to him that I longed for her to want to be with me by choice, not by immortal sneaky tricks – like a completely unnatural physiological process known at the mate bond.

I wanted her to want me for the Real Me. And I did not see how that would ever be possible, therefore, I had to rely upon Jugurtha's counsel and bag of tactics. How did a loathsome fiend like me tell a gorgeous intelligent virtuous woman, "By the way, I am a quasi-reformed serial killer? I do not kill humans any more. Much. Unless they are after you, and then all bets are off. Really. Have a daisy."

The stench wafting from me grabbed my undivided attention, "I need to bathe." My currently-not-breathing family was ecstatic at the sudden concern I showed for my hygiene. Father stripped the sheets and mattress cover from the bed and tossed them to Emmett who sailed out the door with a, "I'll be in my lab StenchWard. C'mon Rosie, I have something to show you after we finish burning these sheets."

They left after I tossed my clothing outside of the bathroom door. As I closed the bathroom door, I leaned against it and tried to sort through the mess that made up my life. I could not help but notice the scars seemed different today, darker, and yet not as deep.

As my family had noted, the gyrfalcons, FitzSinister and FitzLuck had a new appearance. If possible they actually appeared to be more intimidating. Emmett was not jesting when he said the venom scars had increased in size. They now covered my palms and inner wrists. Running a hand across my face, I felt the stubble that I was by all the laws of the immortal world, not supposed to be able to sport. I felt the oddest sensation of pressure in my, ahem, lower abdominal region.

Starched Shirt Edward suggested, "How peculiar. We must consult our human memories. We have not properly thanked the Lord for returning them to us, you know." He frowned at me, tapping his foot.

As my, ahem, manly parts were behaving, and I could not recall this discomfort in my vampire life, I decided the preening pipsqueak had a point. Staring into the mirror as I brushed my teeth, I noticed the shadows under my eyes were darker than I recalled. Although I had gained a few pounds back, I still had gaunt cheeks.

Some vestigial human instinct kicked in then. Even with my speed, I had barely enough time to construct a sound barrier before I dashed to the commode and used it for the first time in over a century. For bodily purposes. Not research. Or regurgitation.

I stared at my traitor manly parts in accusation and after Jugurtha warned me to shake myself carefully and put myself away before I strangled certain appendages. Horrified, I fell to my knees staring in disbelief. For the record, I was most definitely not aroused.

"Man, Edward's got it bad if he's having to whack off. I'm going to have to talk to him about handling his junk," Emmett thought from the lab as he studied a sample of Genghis' blood. His toddlers slept in a cot nearby. Rosalie shrieked from the next room as the fire she started in the hearth made a "whoomping" noise when she fed the sheets into it. Thankfully, Jasper pulled her out of the way and Teitu did something with his gift that made the fire behave and the bedding vanish. My sister required a lecture on the basics of science. What was she thinking putting linens that contained flammable chemicals like guano in the fireplace? I felt sure her husband would handle the matter if Teitu and Jasper did not. All seemed well on that front so I turned my attention back to my stench problem and stepped into the shower. It took vigorous scrubbing at wolfpyre speed to erase the scent from my body.

Ignoring the shrieking from my sister, I wondered at Emmett's words. I had not struck any object in the room, and I was more than sure that even if I _had _he would not have been able to hear due to the combination of that sound shield, combined with his screeching mate nearly burning herself to a crisp, and all. And in the forties, that term "whack" had referred to murdering hoodlums, for Pete's sake. I certainly had not done any of that. Lately. I could not understand what Emmett was thinking. And junk? If anyone had junk it was Bella. Half the things on the counter were hers. Was I supposed to be handling _her_ junk? Blast it, I had bigger . . problems and would figure that whack and junk business out later. My brother was so confusing. Why could he not speak plain English?

Jugurtha pointed and barked, "Turn the water off. Put on a towel. Put the lid down fast. Our vampire Father, Carlisle, is on his way and about to knock on the door. Get to your feet. Look undead! None of that blushing business."

Springing to action, I barely managed to accomplish those tasks before Father knocked at the door.

"Son?"

I bade him entrance - sound barrier firmly in place - as I guiltily closed the door behind him. From Father's eyes, I appeared ghastly, paler than normal and twitched nervously.

"Edward, perhaps we should discuss . . ." Father's concerned voice trailed off as he paused and sniffed. Then I was flooded with the mental images of what some of my family – meaning my brothers - had thought I was doing for twenty-three seconds. As if. Twenty-three seconds was insulting. I think.

Mustering as much dignity as I could, I shuffled to the commode and raised the lid. From his eyes, the only part of color on me was the scarlet flags of shame burning on my cheeks. I mentally apologized to Jugurtha for failing on that whole feigning appearing truly undead part.

Father peered in the bowl and said, "Bella must have been afraid she would wake you if she flushed. Simply put the lid down – "

"That is not hers," I mumbled at vampire speed.

"Come again?"

Jugurtha joked, "I'm standing here saying nothing," and zipped his lips.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "I do not understand? He simply asked him to repeat himself. Considering he spoke that so fast I could barely understand it that seemed a perfectly reasonable request. Why are you smirking like that? It appears sinful."

If I did not know him better, I would suspect Father joked with me. Wait. He was.

"Has Charlie been sneaking into your room again, terrorizing you with bodily functions?" Father teased.

"No," I stared at my reflection in Father's polished loafers as he stood on the fluffy bathroom rug that we had added in since our return. Skid-proof, of course.

He lifted my chin to make me meet his eyes, an oft repeated gesture of days gone bye, "Son, I do not understand. I cannot help you if you do not level with me." While he was at it, he started to check my pupils and palpate my throat as he listened to my heartbeat. He stared at the inside of my palms with a sober mien.

"It is mine." I whispered shamefaced to his upper lip.

"You urinated?" Father maintained a neutral demeanor. And might have started using doses of his gift on me in liberal amounts. Wait, no he wasn't - that was just me squealing like a stool pigeon.

"I did."

This was bad. Very bad. Granted, I sounded like I had axe murdered a family. Which I had years ago, albeit without the axe. But they were all male gangsters. And rude. And I had killed a coven or six during my time away. But they, too, had been scurrilous, and even worse, stupid by immortal standards.

"I do not hear any human noises coming from your abdomen like bowel sounds. Do you think you could urinate again?" Father inquired, "We need a sterile sample to test."

"Perhaps later?"

Father grasped me by the shaking shoulder to keep me from running, no doubt, "This is not the end of the world, Edward. We will study this together."

"Normal vampires do not urinate like a human, and please. . . I do not want anyone to know," I gulped. "They already think I am a freak of Nature." My vivid imagination conjured images of Emmett calling me, "Edward Cullen, Master Urinator, Extraordinaire," in front of the Telecles clan and pompousaristocrats. He would not mean to do it on purpose. But he would do it nonetheless.

Father leaned across me, closed the lid, and flushed the commode. He washed his hands and said, "I have always respected your privacy, Edward, and will continue to do so. I do need you to promise that if you show any new symptoms you will share them with me?"

Reluctantly, I answered, "Yes, Father."

"Excellent. Please lower the shield. The family is quite concerned. Also, I suspect you would prefer to avoid the lecture Emmett is planning for you with Jasper's assistance. Together, son, we shall think of something. Look on the bright side, your bite appears to be improved." He was right.

Once I made the shield vanish, Father proclaimed to the household, "All is well. It is not what you thought, Emmett. Edward is still feeling under the weather." I had the best vampire Father in the world. He refrained from announcing to the immortal world that I had urinated instead of masturbated.

Father selected clothing for me, which perhaps explained the tie he handed me and more formal attire. From his thoughts, he believed his wardrobe selection might assist me with courting my bride. He assisted me in dressing because my legs did not seem to want to cooperate as we moved towards the bed.

Mother knocked on the bedroom door carrying a tray with a large cup of algae. She had a warm glass of fresh deer blood beside it. Thucer had gone hunting with my brothers while I had slept and had drained a deer or four for me. I asked Jugurtha to research what we could do as a proper show of thanks -aside from assisting him with his speech impediment, which we had been researching assiduously.

Jugurtha said, "You are still in your bare feet. Get dressed, Bella is almost here."

"Thank you, Mother." I drained both glasses.

Mary Alice and Jasper appeared with fresh linens and made up the bed quickly.

Father said, "Edward, let's get you back to bed. I believe you have exerted yourself enough for one day."

Mother took one arm, and Father the other.

"What is wrong, Edward?" Bella entered the room. I could not have her bothered. Besides, this was embarrassing.

"_Oh, not much. I merely urinated for the first time in a century. Have an engagement ring," _did not seem appropriate courtly conversation. Nor did, _"Hey, Bella, do you mind if I answer that later? My brothers want to teach me how to masturbate properly."_ Mind you, I had only conducted research of that nature, purposeful planned research once. But still. I did not need help with that. It's not like they could teach _me_ how to shake the earth. And they might get jealous. Mary Alice had said so.

My heart picked that moment and weighed in on the matter. It decided to stop for the first time in months. We all fell silent as it began to stutter its pace. I pulled away from my Parents, wrapped my arms around myself, and turned my back to everyone in the room. Gritting my teeth, I braced myself for the wave of pain that I knew would hit.

"It is his heart, Bella," Mother explained.

"Hey Fake Real Drug Pusher, you're not having a heart attack?" She blurted, panicked. Her hands fluttered like startled butterflies. Then after catching Mary Alice's eye, she took on that eerie composed expression.

"No."

My bossy bride took me by the hand and led me to the bed. She pushed me down to a sitting position. And then she took off my tie. Which in other circumstances would have been totally hot. So whimpered Jugurtha mournfully. Starched Shirt Edward sat stiffly in a chair and rubbed at his collar reverently.

Bella tossed the tie to Mary Alice and took a seat beside me on the bed and unbuttoned the two top buttons of my shirt and said, "There, you should be able to breathe better."

At a time when it was appropriate, I would have to give her disrobing skills further contemplation and relive that moment again a time or five thousand, pretending my family was not present for it. I could not speak at that moment, but my heart had no such problems, as I doubled over in agony. By means I know not, I ended up with my head in her lap, blinking away tears I refused to shed as my heart wheezed, stuttered, and gasped.

Somehow, my dear sister Mary Alice managed to seat herself at my feet and hold both my hands in hers to keep Bella safe. From her thoughts, she dearly wished she could shoulder with me the pain and be my personal Atlas. What I had done to have such a remarkable family I would never know. I certainly did not merit their regard. No one commented on the change in color of my hands business. Bella blanched and grimaced.

I had always been able to remember pain. And this, while certainly not pleasant, did not feel so bad with Bella stroking my forehead. Degenerate. We were in front of my entire family, for crying out loud. Besides, Mary Alice literally had both my hands trapped.

Father had paddles ready and charged and was about to signal Mary Alice to move Bella from me.

Rosalie and Emmett weighed in on the matter. My sister said, "I don't think we should let it stop without further study." She lifted me up from Bella's lap, and injected me with enough epinephrine to power a freight train courtesy of those vampire modified medical equipment Marcus had supplied us with in abundance.

That was when my heart, which had been gradually slowing, all of a sudden went back to matching Bella's. And my, that hurt.

"What is it?" Bella sounded alarmed as she heard me make an unmanly moan. She pulled me closer, a sweet gesture so thought Mother.

"His heart is beating again," Rosalie said.

"Normally?"

"No," Rosalie offered Bella a sympathetic glance as she fiddled with another vial of medication and syringe.

"What do you mean? And is that for me?" Bella asked nodding at the shot.

Mary Alice said, "Yes, you appear to be sharing some of his pain. His heart beat matches yours. Beat for beat."

"But I'm sick. My heart isn't right. Am I doing this to him?" Bella sounded aghast. Golly, how to answer that one without lying.

Father said, "Bella, nothing about Edward has been routine since he gained these abilities. You are not to blame. I believe that your necklace might also have affected Edward and you in some way that could explain his heartbeat and how it is behaving at present." It had been radiating a subtle light when she took me in her arms.

Father had not prevaricated. Much to my relief, he had not said, "Congratulations, you're mated," either. In his mind, he had no idea if our hearts matched because of the mate bond. Because of events beyond his control, Marcus had not been physically around his wife enough to know how her heart had beat. And he certainly had not had a heartbeat to match being a normal vampire and all when he hated formed his mate bond with his human wife.

Here I was lying against my Bella, with her holding me and rubbing my temples. The presence of my Parents hovering, however, along with the rest of my family, made this awkward. Marcus entered the room with Teitu and Thurcer and hang it all, the Gorgon. Now I would have to be honest to get them out of here.

"Bella, are you in pain?"

"Not feeling a thing now," she teased.

Rosalie brought a cup of algae that she had dosed with pain killer.

"Here," she extended it to me. Bella took it from her hand.

I do not remember my dear little one having arms quite that strong as she helped me to a sitting position. Perhaps it was manipulative, but I decided to let her assist me.

"_Faker,"_ Emmett mentally smirked.

His face fall when my hands shook so much I could not hold the glass. Jasper took a seat behind me like my own personal vampire column and allowed me to lean as my dear little bottle cap held the glass for me. I stared at her in confusion.

"Edward, you need to drink. Let me help you." I had no objections to tilting my head back and having her pour sludge down my throat. Nope. Not me. No sirree. She could pour that foul substance for me anytime as long as she agreed to personally lift the cup to my mouth. How she spoiled me. Jasper helped hold my head still.

"Vampires don't get twitchy like that." Emmett said aloud, his mirth evaporating like thoughts from Jessica Stanley's brain.

Father nodded in agreement and said, "Edward, I would like to take a sample of your blood and venom."

"Why don't you both rest for a while?" Rosalie suggested.

Worried Emmett took a blanket and spread it over me like a mother hen.

Mother kissed my brow and genius woman that she is, beamed at my dear little bossy one, "Bella, I cannot thank you enough for helping Edward."

Bella blinked at Esme.

Mother clarified, "Your touch still seems to make his pain better. We have no idea why. We have never seen anything like it." Vampire mates did not have the ability to heal each other, so Mother spoke the truth.

Marcus said, "Edward, from the color of your venom scars, I take it you met my Mother while you slept."

I nodded at him.

Emmett blurted, "Dude, what is it with you and the Telecles women?" I wish I knew.

"Can you show me what happened?"

"I think your wife needs to see as well," I warned him with a glance. Marcus took on his crises mode expression then as his wife stepped closer.

"Youngling?"

"I have news of your missing son Rasce. I am very sorry."

Marcus lifted my hands and examined my palms as his mate literally gawped. Teitu and Thurcer were impressed.

Perhaps it was the exhaustion, but I showed him the entire vision from the beginning – including the deal he made with his mother. Marcus stood like a marble pillar and made no reaction. He did not share this vision with anyone else save his mate. I could completely understand why. In the long litany of surprises that I had experienced that day, Vivinna burst into sobs at the sight of her butchered children in the vision lying on the floor. Marcus grabbed her with one hand as she doubled over clutching her womb. Seeing their bodies cleaned and with her Mother-in-law did little to assuage her grief.

"We shall discuss this at another time, dearest," he said to his mate, "Edward and Bella appear exhausted. Edward, you have my thanks. Tread carefully around my Mother." Now that I already knew. She was scarier than all the immortals I have ever met combined, and I did not even know what his Mother was.

I could swear the Gorgon grumbled something derogatory about the witch. But I must have imagined that. Marcus and his sons left the house taking her with them.

Jasper said, "Would you mind telling me what just happened?"

"I met Marcus' Mother while I napped."

"She came here?"

I pointed to my temple, "No. In my mind. She asked me to deliver a message to Marcus. I found out Rasce, Arria's twin that Vivinna had asked me to find, had died."

"How?"

"That, she did not tell me. Bella, I am sorry for your loss."

Bella said, "Arria never believed he survived the attack. But thank you, Edward."

"Legend has it," Jasper studied me, "that Marcus' Mother is a powerful sorceress."

I paused. How to answer that without violating Marcus' privacy. "She is not vampire. She is not human. And she is . . . intimidating." I left out the part that I thought she bathed in bat guano and stank to high heaven. That was rude, but accurate.

Mrs. Corelli picked that moment to call Father's cell, inquiring as to why my entire family, Bella, and Seth Clearwater, were not present in school. Again. Father took the call and left the room.

"My children," he explained, "and Bella have decided to take the GED exam, and we intend to home-school Seth. Given recent events, we do not feel that attending school is safe for Bella or Seth."

Seeing as Forks High had become so perilous, could I pray for Jacob Black to be massacred by an errant flying folding table?

Jugurtha stared at his planner and reminded me, "No killing the simpleton. He did save Bella's life, and he has been very helpful with Paula, and invaluable in keeping Charlie occupied." Drat.

"How is Bella?" Mrs. Corelli spluttered.

"Evangeline," Father added in the touch of using her first name, "Another shock like that could irreparably damage Bella's heart. Her Father agrees with this decision."

"Mr. Harris would like to apologize to her in person. He has tried to reach Chief Swan for several days," She had the quivering lout shaking in the chair opposite her desk, wringing a newspaper to death in his hands.

"Perhaps we should wait on that matter. Chief Swan, at present, is armed and contentious. Bella is in no condition to be reminded of those photos." He ended the phone conversation.

With that, our days of suffering the marginality of Forks High concluded. Mary Alice smoothed my wet hair and said, "You really look like you could use some sleep. You, too, Bella."

Cheering would have been inappropriate as I heard Bella's shoes fall to the floor and she crawled under the blanket beside me. It felt strange because I was sleeping on her side of the bed.

"Alice, do you have a longer chain than this one?" Bella pointed to the one that held her pendant.

Alice's eyes glazed over as a vision hit which she effortlessly blocked from me. "That is a great idea. I'll be right back." She returned moments later with a chain twice as long and slipped Bella's pendant over it. And then my sister took her own medallion and added it to the chain. She handed it to Bella, who poked me in the side and said, "Edward face me, please." She totally did not need to ask that again.

With Jasper's assistance I managed to roll although it hurt. A lot. Bella slipped the necklace over my head. The chain was long enough so that it could fit over hers as well. And of course that required that she hold me close to her, which was a trial I would somehow learn to endure.

My dear little one shyly said, "You'll have to tell me if this works."

Alice said in Oscan to the medallion hanging from the chain, "Heal my brother," and her pendant caught fire and landed against me. Alice and Jasper left along with the rest of the family.

Crackling, blue and white fire bombinated across the two of us. The sensation felt odd, although not painful. Anytime Bella wanted to chain me to her side, I would definitely be first in line to be her personal slave. She tapped me on the chin, "Sleep." Yes ma'am. And with that, I did.

My dear little bossy one and I took a celebratory nap. Groggily, I awoke five hours later to find her watching me. Which felt all kinds of awkward. We were alone. That part I liked. I hoped I had not done anything ungentlemanly while I had slept. Prior to falling asleep, I had constructed my own supernatural stonewall around the room -which was totally fair seeing as the door stood wide open. Alas.

"You have been sleep talking." Bella smiled exactly like she did on that night she unleashed verbal Swan Hell on me and told me she knew all of my secrets. Well not all, but damn near enough to scare the goodness right back into me.

My throat closed, and I made some kind of response that Jugurtha carped sounded like I was choking.

He suggested, "Take a few breaths like a normal human would. She's not beating you." Yet.

"What?" I could not even meet Bella's eyes.

"Sister Claire. I did not know you had a sister."

This called for supernatural help of the highest order. I begged Grace to show me what had transpired. Sure enough, there I was making not a sound into my dear little bottle cap's startled collarbone as she gawped at me. It was not like Bella to lie, and something clearly shocked her.

"Bella, I do not have a history of sleep talking."

"But there was no other way she could know about Sister Claire," Starched Shirt Edward reminded me. "We had never written her name anywhere that our dear little one could find. We paid for her masses to be said in cash that could not be traced back to us."

Bella tilted her head on the pillow, "Well, I did not say you said it out loud. So who is Claire?"

Oh, by all the saints in Heaven. I was dead. I started making these strangling noises again and grabbed at my chest. Bella scooted toward me, moving in for the conversational kill, innocent expression firmly in place. Damn her.

She whispered, "Calm down, Fake Fiancé, I don't think you can have a heart attack with both medallions on." I stared down at her fingers which were around both jeweled pendants that still glowed – one in white, the other in blue. She pushed me back on the pillows.

I glared at Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward who both shrugged their shoulders. "You got me what she's talking about," Jugurtha uttered in that tone that suggested he admired her from a professional courtesy standpoint. "I do not think she is lying, though." And here I was naively thinking I had scratched myself inappropriately. Or worse, urinated on myself and her while asleep. But no. This was beyond humiliating. _I_ was the demon who was supposed to be omniscient. Not her.

I shut my eyes. It was easier that way, "Bella, for your safety you cannot ever refer to me as your Fake Fiancé. Do you understand?" I thought that was a good deflection.

"Oh. Right. Ok Real Fiancé."

Would you mind sharing with me what I . . . um said?"

She smirked at me, "I will be delighted to when you stop dodging the question and tell me who Claire is."

"Was."

"Was?" Bella's teasing face became sober.

"She was a nun I knew in Chicago. She devoted her life to caring for the poor. Now, aside from mentioning good people that have been dead decades, what else did I say?"

Cautiously, Bella answered, "You think my hair feels as nice as rabbit fur."

Some of those human memories started percolating to the surface. My human Mother had a collar on a coat made out of rabbit fur that I had adored as a small child. I recall rubbing my face against it much to her delight when she held me in her arms on the way to the house.

"Oh. Well it does feel lovely."

"Thank you. You also have a strong desire to kill Billy Black. He's rotting in the earth at present, in case you did not know."

"I do?"

"You thought it five times." She actually appeared guilty over the bastard not befouling the earth.

That definitely sounded true. Drat. I was irked that I had not killed him myself.

"He had inappropriate plans for you. I am not sorry to say that it gladdened me when Leah told me he had expired."

"And you seem to be under the impression that," she hesitated, "Genevieve enjoys torturing you."

Upon further reflection, that was not only true, but justified. But this was her Grandmother – no Aunt – no by the confused array of expressions that crossed Bella's face I knew I had to tread prudently. "She and I have had some interesting conversations in my dreams. She believes me to be foolish. And I must be driving her absolutely insane, because I agree with her."

"Do you talk to her often?" Bella's casually presented question broke the heart I rarely used.

"No. The last I saw her she woke me from a sound sleep by taking my spirit and beating it against the floor a time or ten."

"When did this happen?"

"A few hours after I returned with Paula."

"Edward you _died_ that night."

"I did make that point to Genevieve. I'm afraid she did not care. And let's be honest, I deserved her ire."

"Did she hurt you?"

"Yes. But I think that was the point. She has quite the temper. Once she was done, we conversed."

"No one ever got a word in edge-wise with her when she was alive."

"I understand why. I believe I chastised her for her web of lies she created around your life."

"You?"

"I know. The irony."

Bella harrumphed.

"It is one thing for a complete stranger to deceive a person, Bella. We both know that it is entirely another for your own flesh and blood to do so."

"Did she beat you again when you pointed that out to her?" Bella asked.

"No. I actually made her ashamed, I think. She told me that I needed to make sure I did not repeat her mistakes. Genevieve expressed concern about your heart and ordered me to take you to the hospital."

"I will never understand why Genevieve, Liam and Jericho all lied to me."

"Do you understand how rare you are in the universe?"

"I'm just me. Ordinary."

"No, Bella, you are not. Genevieve managed to do what no one else could – she created you from a powerful vampire female. Carlisle and Marcus said the Volturi researched this for centuries without success."

"Really? Why wouldn't in vitro fertilization work with an immortal?"

"I have been told that the eggs are too frail. Genevieve, of course, she left no records. So no one understands how it is that you came to be. The other vampires think some sorcerer created you." Frankly, they were not wrong. I firmly believed Genevieve had dark powers.

"So the only reason I matter is because I'm an experiment that worked?"

"Bella, for generations these covens picked the humans that they thought would make powerful vampires and bred them to others to make what they hoped would be stronger immortals. But the power does not become evident until after someone is turned. And not everyone survives the transition. So can you imagine what the world would be like if the most powerful female vampires were able to provide their eggs to create human children?"

"Yes. I can. They'd kill for that knowledge."

"Now combine that with the prophecy that some drunk seer made eons ago that Marcus' line would change the immortal world. That is why your aunts and uncles were killed."

"So why aren't I dead, too?"

"To the aristocrats out there in the immortal world, a marriage with you would make an alliance of the ages. If they could figure out how to get a child from you that would be even better. You are more valuable to them alive."

"Gross."

"Bella, your heart is so weak right now I doubt you would survive the transition to being immortal. No one in their right mind would ever think about asking you to bear a child."

"My immortal family is kind of crazy, Edward. And since I am human, then in vitro should work on me without any hocus pocus magic." Icy fingers tripped down my spine because she was, of course, correct. "No one would have to get me pregnant, they'd just have to slice me open and yank out my ovaries."

Ew.

"I know you are a Telecles and all, and battle is in your bloodline, but really, can we add something more peaceful to your reading diet? Like poetry about plants and flowers and waterfalls?"

"You can't run from the truth," Bella insisted.

I beg to differ. I had been doing it for decades. But she required comforting.

"Arria told me that she could always have another child, and vowed she would never do anything that would put you in danger again. I believe her. Besides, anyone who tries to get to you will have to get through _me_. And if you think _your_ family is crazy, well, you have not seen anything. When it comes to your safety, I'm barking-at-the-moon mad. Your paternal Great-Grandmother," I showed her my changed palms and allowed her to see the venom marks, "Made sure I could protect you."

"Wow. They are different from mine." When she touched the shimmering scars a jolt went through us both, and power crackled around the house. The rings – every last one of them – let out this scream as the birds on Bella transformed. The marks were now larger, and shared the same inky blue-black color as mine.

"You really know how to turn a girl black and blue there Romeo," she deadpanned.

I consulted the Marcus-vine. He was currently occupied consoling his weeping mate. Marcus said, "My Mother, it seems, really likes you, Edward. Bella is fine. My Mother has strengthened the shields on you both beyond anything that I or any other immortal is capable of doing." I broke off the connection to afford him time with Vivinna. Seeing her weep was not something that I enjoyed, no matter how irritating the woman could be. I had a hard time erasing the images of those butchered children from my memory.

Jugurtha said, "It's excellent that we are stronger. Those children are dead and gone and being sad about it only gets you distracted." He snapped his fingers, "You have digressed from your objective of finding out if she can read your mind. Get back to it."

Grace helpfully showed me how I had sighed Bella's name and had smiled like one of the toddlers in my sleep. She also included the startled reaction of my mate, who looked at me as if I had sprouted demon wings before her eyes.

That was about when I blushed from stem to stern. I had to fight the urge to pull the blankets over my head and live like an immortal ostrich for eternity.

"Bella, can you read my mind?" I did my best to keep a calm voice.

"Not like you can. I can only hear a thought or two. It's only happened a few times in the past couple of weeks."

I jerked and my eyes widened.

"Edward, relax. I won't say a word."

"Why did you not tell me?"

"I was pretty doped up at the time and thought I imagined it when it first happened."

She must have been so afraid. "I remember how I felt the first time I realized that I could hear another person's thoughts. I felt terrified. I thought I had lost my mind."

"Could you do that while you lived?"

"No. I discovered it when I awoke an immortal. Have you ever heard any one _else's_ thoughts?" I had to help her if I could.

"I can sometimes hear things from Arria and some of the other Telecles. My Oscan is so-so, and I get the feeling that what I heard they let me. . ."

"Can they hear you?"

"No. I don't think so. Grandfather Marcus said that might change, but that my brain worked different than others."

"Why would it change?"

"He said the bracelet that I wore for a while, the one that belonged to Grandmother Vivinna, was powerful. That it made my mind stronger than a normal human."

My face became composed.

She tapped her forehead. "I'm still the girl with the head injury. I'm not ever going to be cured."

"With your necklace, I would not entirely rule that out." I pointed to the bright light that continued to pulse from both pendants.

"Grandfather Marcus and Great Grandfather Larce did." Oh. My.

"I am so sorry." I reached out, hesitating, and traced her cheek with a finger. She did not move away, closed her eyes for a moment, and stilled like a frightened animal. Surely she felt that spark that I did the second we touched?

Pragmatically, my dear little one shrugged, "No use crying over what can never be."

Jugurtha advised, "Now would be a good time to inquire if she has changed her mind about our engagement. It's the _moral_," – he cut off the spluttering Starched Shirt Edward. Clever we both know he meant _'strategic'_ – "thing to do. Not that I think she has changed her mind." Jugurtha could have elbowed Starched Shirt Edward off of his prayer bench he positively brimmed with piousness.

"Bella, you were in shock at the emergency room the other day, and we sedated you with rather powerful drugs."

"Trying to back out, Fake Drug Pusher?" She moved from prey to predator in the blink of a gimlet eye. I think some of Mrs. Corelli must have worn off on her. Either that or I was going to have to restrict her access to Jane. Rather than playing chess, like a rational person would do with a fragile, weak-hearted human, God help me, Jane's amused thoughts showed she and Alec had been teaching Bella how to throw a knife with some success. And using dummies was not good enough for my picky cousins, they used themselves as targets. I had the image of Bella throwing a knife into Alec's chest emblazoned on my pounding brain.

Starched Shirt Edward bleated, "Make sure our bride knows of the sincerity of our marriage proposal. Scold the cousins later."

"No!" I ejaculated, verbally speaking, of course, and then cleared my throat when my voice cracked like an adolescent. "I wanted to ensure you meant what you said. I am trying to do right by you. Bella, I truly want to marry you."

The details of our deal scuttled to the forefront of my thoughts. Through considerable effort, I hid my fear as I shuddered at the idea of changing her. She could die - forever this time seeing as I was not exactly the King of self-control these days. I remembered King Larce had said his first wife had not survived the transition. Just because I sacrificed the pleasure of my dear little calculating one's scent did not mean I did not simultaneously want and fear drinking her dry.

"_I_ am keeping my world," she crossed her arms and wore this mulish expression before she turned her back to me.

Jugurtha smiled like the feline that had consumed far too many birds of late, "Ah, excellent. I think a trip to see our furry friend is in order to elevate her mood." Brilliant. That.

"Bella, would you like to see Douglas?"

"Yes, please, if you feel up to it."

She took off the chain from around my neck and I immediately felt the absence as the pendants winked out. Bella pocketed the longer silver braid, and put both pendants back on the original one. Nimbly, I fastened it around her neck for her. I felt considerably better than I had in quite some time. She let me stroke her hair, once, before she jittered away to the closet.

We dressed in coats and boots and took off with the usual guard, fine - triple the usual detail trailing us at a discreet pace with triple the guard acting as point. Marcus had insisted that a healer accompany us as well as some of his crack Legionnaires. To their credit, a human could not detect the guards. But still. Damn duennas. Decimus led them and he let me know in no uncertain terms in his prissy Oscan that I was not to lift Bella into a tree considering I could not hold a cup a few hours earlier. Good point, but still.

"What are they doing?" one guard asked in Oscan at vampire pitch.

"Going to see a _rodent_," Another answered.

"Is he going to drink one in front of her? That's unnatural." A third yelped in disgust.

Decimus barked so I did not have to. "Douglas is not a rodent. He's a mammal. Edward will not be drinking him. The princess likes looking at wildlife. Don't judge the Cullens' dietary habits."

Douglas acted delighted to see us as we sat on a log near his tree. He seemed to think my tie looked splended. I handed Bella, just like old times, a packet of almonds. She laid them out individually on a large log we used as a bench. He accepted them like tribute to a tyrant with a regal wave of a paw. Then he had to go over board and jump on Bella's shoulder like a glorified parakeet, and dare I say it, squirrel snuggle my fiancée. Forgetting me, they stared at each other gooey-eyed. Decimus had to order seven guards to put down their arrows.

"I do not think bestiality with a squirrel is physically possible. You're safe from him," Jugurtha said. "We're definitely bigger, we smell better, and we can kiss her like no other." Then he snorted. At me.

I felt ashamed. Jealous of a squirrel. Especially one that I happened to like. His mate, Henrietta, decided to make her appearance then. She and my dear little Grandmaster were already fast friends, it seemed. Females. They even ganged up on me cross-species-wise. Henreitta gave me a huff and leapt to Bella's other shoulder and proceeded to chirp at her while toying with her hair.

"That is his mate, Henrietta," I pointed just in case he did not realize his wife watched him cuddle with a human. From her other shoulder, but still.

"We have met. She's pretty." Bella said.

Douglas chattered his thanks and hopped towards his wife. He nodded at me in farewell, clearly intending to get his nuts later. I mean retrieve his food at a different time. Right now, he needed to wait upon his mate. Happily, they scampered away to put his nuts to an entirely different use, I dare say.

Indubitably, I was the most pathetic vampire in existence. Married several months. Virginal. Celibate. Sitting by my wife as my squirrel friends - never mind. Even the animals received more affection that I did, it seemed. At this rate, I was going to die a virgin. Twice over.

Starched Shirt Edward sat by Jugurtha at the library table, thumbing his way through one of Plato's dialogues. Jugurtha reached across him for a volume of Sun-Tzu, and Starched Shirt Edward smacked his hand and said, "You keep reading that thing over and over. You need to broaden your mind. Try this." He passed him a volume of Saint Thomas Aquinas.

"Why would I want to read him?"

"Because he was very clever."

"How so?"

"Hundreds of years ago he managed to make the Church accept the teachings of a pagan like Aristotle without getting burned at the stake for heresy. I think you would like the way his mind worked."

"Hmmm, perhaps." He picked up the volume. Without breaking his gaze from the title page Jugurtha said to me, "Before we have thoughts about our celibate state, perhaps we should ponder the notion of conversing. I've heard it can end that whole drought on the personal life front." Good idea. Except it required speaking.

Bella and I sat in silence watching the sun attempt to break through the clouds unsuccessfully, enjoying the view.

My own personal storm cloud, Decimus, said at vampire pitch, "Bad weather for a human approaches Marcus does not want her getting wet. You have ten minutes to commune with Nature before we need to leave."

To my beloved bottle cap, I sighed, "We have a storm coming."

"I do not mind storms." She swung her legs using one boot to gently toy with a fern, and stared off at the approaching clouds. Just as the trees had been friends in my mind, it seemed the ferns of the forest and flowers were hers.

I said to Decimus, "I require privacy to court my bride for a few moments. Please stay in range, but keep your backs to us."

Decimus mentally grumbled that they would stay out of sight and that I would have to suck up the lack of privacy. Bastard. So I slammed up a shield that made it appear like we sat gazing like starry-eyed idiots at each other. I might have possibly borrowed and bastardized it from Alice's vision of Future Us. Sometimes you had to fight unfairly in matters of love and war.

"Bella, I will bring you back here whenever the weather permits as often as I can."

She grumbled, "Ok."

Our visit with Douglas and Henrietta appeared to have her in a more relaxed frame of mind, and she had expressed reservations about returning to the house. Which meant, I suspected, that she did not mind remaining around me longer. That had to be a positive sign as well.

I reached for the ring in my pocket.

"Did you really mean you wanted to marry me?" I barely kept my voice from cracking.

"Yes," she stilled her feet.

"Then this is yours." I fell to my knees and said to her boots, "I know I do not deserve it, but it would bring me great joy to see you wear it." My hand shook as I tried to keep the nerves from taking control of me like a marionette.

I heard nothing in response, except her accelerated heartbeat. And wheezing. That was good, right?

Then I smelled the adrenaline and my eyes snapped to her face. She saw the stone in my hand and literally made an 'o' shape with her lips before slapping her hand over her mouth. She swung her legs over the other side of the log, and lurched for some nearby sword ferns. Knowing her respect for plant life, her careening into and squishing the local plant life did not bode well. She backed away from the ring in my trembling hand, like it was a king cobra about to strike. The Fitzflock actually began to stir on her before I hissed at them that she was fine and they were imbeciles and to settle down as I had enough on my hands. And then she took off and ran. She actually hurtled over the large trunk that had been our bench.

Where did she think she was going to go? I was immortal, for crying out loud. And she could hurt herself moving at rapid speeds like that with her impaired balance issues. No more hurtling for her. I would simply have to propose to her later when she was more rational. Her safety and well being came first. At wolfpyre speed, I jammed the ring in my pocket, dashed ahead and caught her in my arms before she had moved five feet.

"Get it away!" She panted immobilized in my greedy embrace. Her terror was contagious. I winced.

"What?"

"That!" She said it like it was so obvious, the source of her fear.

"I do not understand. Please, for the sake of your heart, tell me what is wrong. I hate seeing you like this."

Then she had to go and scare the un-life out of me. She broke down and wept in my shirt loud gulping sobs. For one hundred seven interminable seconds. This appalled me. From the smell of her tears, I definitely had traumatized her. Clearly, I had clearly done something wrong. I had no idea what it was, though. _She_ had proposed to _me_, the other day. Earlier, she had indicated she still desired to accept my suit. That meant she needed the ring back. Right? But since I was the male, Rosalie said that meant I always had to say I was sorry for our relationship to flourish.

The words tumbled from me like drunken acrobats, "I apologize if I hurt your feelings. I did not mean to. It kills me to see you weep. Please tell me what to do to make it stop. How can I make this better?" I sounded pathetic to my ears. I could not tell who shook more, her or me.

"Keep that _thing_ out of my sight. Please," she beseeched. Now I entered a new realm of fear, because I had never heard Bella, even when Victoria took a knife to her, beg. I lifted her from the ground and met her eyes. She meant every confusing word. I rested her head against my racing heart. Her feet hanged in the air. At least she was not kicking me like she had in Italy. Nor had she spat on me, or kicked my currently shriveled in fear manly parts. But still.

With the meticulous precision of my immortal mind, I kept replaying the shell-shocked look on her face at the sight of the engagement ring. It was merely a harmless touched-by-no-magic piece of jewelry. Surely she remembered it had belonged to my departed human Mother. I could not understand why it sparked such pain in her to see it. In good faith for once, I was offering it to her as a symbol of our love. But if she did not like it, I could certainly find another one that she did. I had loads more. In a bank. In Chicago.

"I will gladly get you a different ring."

"No, thank you. I don't want one." Her voice had no tone.

Frustration erupted and crept into my response, "You are _most definitely_ wearing a ring so that everyone will know you are properly wed and it will save me from having to attack and kill any immortal aristocrat."

Decimus called out at vampire pitch, "That lame illusion is not working any longer seeing as you made it sunny and it is about ready to snow. Knock it off."

"Decimus wants me to lower the shield I have around us that affords you and I privacy." I warned her with my eyes as she slid down me to stand.

"No one heard us?"

"Not a word for the last five minutes." I had my hand on her shoulder and used my gift to let her see the rings around us.

Gingerly, I patted Bella on the back and offered her a handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes and handed it back to me. She would never fool an immortal, but compared to a minute before, she appeared remarkably composed and said, "Fine. Undo it."

I waved an arm and with a green pulse, she suddenly saw the immortals around us.

Teitu and Thurcer picked that moment to appear out of nowhere - scaring the wits into me, as I leapt in front of her.

"Look what we have here, brother, it is our niece." Teitu said, peering around me. To my thoughts, he said, _"My apologies, our Father sent for the two of you. We have company coming."_ What they did not say was that somehow – not from me – Marcus knew that Bella was upset.

Skeevy picked that moment to appear immediately to the left of his brothers, just in case the first message did not reach us and his two brothers got lost. He put his hand on Teitu to stay him from speaking. From his thoughts, Teitu wanted to know why the child's eyes were leaking salt.

Skeevy, bless him, was the soul of discretion. "Edward, if you do not mind, my brothers and I would like to catch up with our niece."

He extended his hand to her and accepting it, she smiled tremulously and said, "He doesn't. It's fine. Let's go." He put her on his back like a sack of wheat and took off running, his brothers flanking him. The rest of the guards followed. I stood there feeling her tears on my tie.

Jugurtha smacked me on one side, Starched Shirt Edward the other and said, "Catch up with them." Right. That.

"I need to think first." I insisted. Mother had suggested carrying a small pad of paper and a pen with me so that when thoughts occurred to me, perhaps it would help if I wrote them down before I spoke them aloud. I had rehearsed that proposal seventy-three times. But clearly, I required more practice. Mother said so.

Douglas scampered down the tree and landed on my shoulder. He took a seat, patting me twice. Henrietta told him that I had a cowlick standing up that needed fixing. Nervously I patted my head.

"Would you mind taking Bella a note? Please?" Douglas thought that was a fine idea. Henrietta chirped her support. Grace agreed to ensure his safe passage.

Ordinary people stole verses from Shakespeare or Tennyson or that grammatically challenged ee cummings chap. And do not get me started on that Emily Dickinson woman. She clearly had mental issues.

Starched Shirt Edward shyly offered, "Mother Theresa once said, 'We cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love.' I vote 'yes' to the poetry."

Why not haiku? That would be different. I wrote,

Your soft words I miss

Laughing over a chess Queen

Ransacking my heart

That seemed appropriate. She most assuredly had stormed through my heart like a rampaging beast. Well, maybe not a beast. I read it aloud to Douglas, Henrietta, and Grace. From her home two hundred feet up, Henrietta chirped that it needed refinement – my handwriting was too sloppy.

Jugurtha peered over my shoulder, "Is that the best you can imagine? She needs to be wooed, my good man. And Henrietta is absolutely correct about your penmanship."

He dictated, "The poetry you

Embody fills me with joy

At your voice's sound."

"But Jugurtha, Bella barely talks."

"My good man, that is the point. We want to encourage more speech, and it is important to let her know we treasure the times she does converse."

"Why?" I groused, "That means I have to talk back and that only leads to trouble in my experience."

"Because you have to earn her trust for the mate bond to form. You must show your devotion to her with words and deeds combined."

Starched Shirt Edward looked up from his own notepad. Waving a pen at me, he said, "I pray for your soul/That you gain serenity/From our penitence. Write that."

Jugurtha and I ignored him. I went with both my poem, and Jugurtha's. I folded the note into a small enough size for Douglas to manage. Miss Grace took him happily off searching for my mate.

Grace crooned to her and Bella said to Skeevy, "Please stop a moment. Miss Grace wants something."

He signaled to the others and everyone halted. Skeevy placed Bella on the ground with appropriate care. Bella hugged Grace as the Legionnaires and Teitu and Thurcer wondered what she was touching, and why that squirrel floated in mid air. The Legionnaires had heard stories about some beast named Grace that the green demon employed. They all decided that Douglas must be the Grace monster that ripped the scars in my abdomen. Wonderful. Douglas the Destroyer.

Skeevy ordered in Oscan at vampire pitch at the soldiers prepared to shoot arrows, "Do _not _slay the squirrel. She is attached to it."

Ye gads! Squirrel shish-kabobs would not have been a good thing. I mentally ordered Jugurtha to send a floral arrangement to Skeevy's mate as a token of our thanks. Mind you, she was a newborn and would most likely try to suck the sap from the stems. But still.

My dear little one took the note from Douglas and said, "Thank you. That is so sweet of you." Douglas appeared to be in heaven as she scratched behind his ear. His right foot started repeatedly thumping. I could totally identify.

I heard her mutter in Spanish after she read the note:

"How do you say 'jerk'

With seven syllables because

'Boorish' just won't do?"

She folded the note into sections and stuffed it in her pocket. Bella muttered, "I was raised better."

Teitu had been working on his atrocious English skills and had one of those sticks that made colors on him. Paper, too. He was only too happy to lend it to his niece.

Grace and Douglas brought back a note to me that read:

How do you give thanks

To fate's divine intervention

When mere words lack strength?

By Jove! What the Hell was that? Grace and I studied my dear little baffling one's face and she still appeared, unfortunately, to be attempting to mask distress.

Diplomatically, Skeevy lifted my dear little bewildering one into his arms and as they ran through the trees, said in a low voice that the other vampires pretended not to hear, "Young Edward strikes me as earnest and hapless when it comes to conversing."

Bella said nothing in response. The wind began to pick up in strength, blowing her hair into her face. And Skeevy's - who managed to tactfully puff away a length that landed on his mouth.

"Bella, if you do not tell Edward what he did to distress you, then you condemn him to making the same error endlessly."

For a moment I feared she would weep again before she sniffed and wiped at her nose and eyes.

Skeevy sighed, "The poor man would never guess on his own. Edward is also so private that he will never ask any of his family, either, for fear of shaming you. His Father told me that he spent over a decade without saying a word once when he was upset." Ok, so that was totally true. "Since he is a newborn in many ways, his emotions sometimes get ahead of him."

"I always end up alone anyway," she blurted and then lowered her head and mashed her lips together as if they were the fortress door holding more words at bay.

"Bella, I know you have been disappointed by other relatives. I do not agree with my sister's choices in how you were raised. I will never lie to you. It is obvious to all that you share a special connection with Edward. And you will never be alone again. You are a Telecles, cherished and accepted by your clan."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not perfect like you all are."

"None of us is perfect, child. I know trust has to be earned. Would you do us the honor of giving us a chance to prove ourselves to you?"

Cautiously, she murmured, "That seems fair." That man was a chip off the old block. He managed to tell my bride she was mated to me without, in fact, using those very words. I was in awe. I needed to spend more time watching Skeevy.

"I should not tell tales, but when you were ill, the entire Cullen family took turns berating my sister about her inadequacies and were impressive enough to silence her. My Father even weighed in on the matter after hearing what they had to say to him."

"Really?"

"Did you know after observing them with you that Arria has been taking cooking lessons and reading about human development? As have I, my Parents, and my Brothers."

"Why? I can cook."

"Why not? We cannot. We want to learn how to do things that are meaningful to you. We understand you do not like being showered with gifts. That is why the ones you have received Grandfather Larce has been storing for you.

"I'm getting gifts?" She yelped.

"Yes. We only keep the ones that are deemed appropriate." I meant to keep listening but this red haze overcame my lesser nature.

Mental images of, oh my gracious stars! I was definitely going to kill that ass from the Quebec coven. He sent disgusting and vile pictures of himself to my bride, promising her endless nights of pleasure and insisted that _his_ venom would ensure she turned right seeing as he came from a pristine Lost Coven line and all. Why was it that human males who were marginally-endowed seemed to feel the need to share pictures of themselves with innocent females? A courier was on his way with orders to kill the ignoble wretch.

Turning my mind to the Quebec coven that currently camped in the National Park, I asked the Quileute spirits for assistance. After my latest session with Hezekiah, I felt more in control. They were positively repulsed that a blood sucker would send such revolting images to one so beloved of the tribe. I think my capacity to absorb power had increased. It felt like a football being tackled by both teams as they leapt inside me and whistled for more to join. The venom scars on my hands, FitzLuck and FitzSinister began hopping up and down like a proverbial child begging to play on a rainy day. So I let them. They exploded from my hands and took flight. And my, they were impressively fast, larger, and I could feel blasts of power from them as they moved away at wolfpyre speed.

With the assistance of the offended spirits, I found the unlucky imbecile boasting to his coven how, "That dim-witted human was definitely going to be mine. Soon."

Dim-witted?

His?

Soon?

I think not. Most definitely.

Jugurtha sounded annoyed, "We must make an example of him. Even Machiavelli would agree."

Oh, my, yes.

"In the color green," Starched Shirt Edward then lost his temper and proceeded to throw books he was so angered at the thought of our dear peach being sent such crude and debased pictures. He added, "That Jean-Claude man clearly appears to be in need of that ring the newborns wanted to give us for our manly parts."

Indeed.

I rolled up my sleeves, leaned my head to each side to stretch my tense muscles, and extended my hands to the earth to let the spirits overwhelm me. My bride needed me. And this was definitely something I could do for her. For us.

I made the tree behind the oaf come to life roaring like a mammoth. I surrounded it with a green nimbus. It speared Jean-Claude, and tossed him into the air as he shrieked. The branches then pitched him like a baseball to the loving talons of FitzSinister and FitzLuck who took great delight in ripping him to shreds before the gaping crowd and pitching twitching body parts back and forth to each other. A maw appeared in the massive trunk of the tree.

The birds casually tossed pieces of him to it, like feeding raw meat to a lion. The tree ate him and spat out his shoes, wristwatch, and rings as his head screamed for assistance. Batting it back and forth for a few times proved entertaining to the birds before FitzSinister tossed it over his shoulder into the gnashing mouth of the spiritually possessed tree. Belching the rest of the man's clothing, the tree then returned to normal.

One of the Real Canadians decided to take his sword and hack the Douglas Fir to pieces. That seemed unfair, and stupid given the presence of the birds, so they added him to the body count. He was dessert. I had the tree say to the stunned crowd that gathered around it, "Are there any other dimwits who desire to die?"

Their coven leader appeared pole-axed and shouted, "Who the hell are you? We come from a better line!"

"If you do not know who I am, then how do you know your line is better. Ignoramus."

That stumped him.

"How dare you attack Jean Claude and Pierre! I demand you return them!"

"That would prove difficult," The tree bent down and poked his shoulder with a branch, "seeing as they are definitely eternally dead and all."

Some people simply failed to listen and required further instructions. I made green roots explode from around the coven leader and yank him into a pit that opened in the earth. He turned to ashes quite nicely thanks to the extra ire of the spirits before the ground slammed shut over him like a snapping trap. And wow! Talk about stunned into silence. The rest of the vampires screamed as the birds approached them. I felt my work here was done as I approached the party that protected my mate. I ordered the birds to return. Running straight at the screaming crowd, they soared above the cowering masses off into the clouds.

Marcus thought the yanking him underground was a nice touch. He sent his approval of my actions through the Marcus vine and suggested that I might want to tone down the green light shining from me as it could alarm Bella's guard. He left out that whole, "seeing as they know you upset her," part. It made sense that I appear calmer when I approached. I had the best immortal Grandfather-in-law ever. It almost balanced out his shrew of a wife. And daughter. And don't get me started on his Mother. That woman really was terrifying.

I needed to get my mate alone and continue to grovel at her we reached the mansion, we were in time for the arrival of the newborns.

Mary Sue saw me in the distance and sent her thought to me, _"Oh honey, you look like you have lost too much weight. Sugar, we need to fatten you up. Let's plan a strategy session in a few hours!"_

She and her sisters took one look at Bella's solemn face. _"Edward, what have you done now?"_ Mary Sue mentally exclaimed. Guiltily, I sighed. _"Never mind. We'll work on that, too."_

Marcus, his wife, their sons, the Gorgon's perpetually grumpy brother and his drooling progeny were standing in the room as was Arria and a lost coven of haughty immortals from Germany. I am afraid to say the Telecles women were not impressed with the newborns, even with the Denali makeover and classy attire they now wore.

My sisters approved of the low-heeled shoes, cashmere turtlenecks, cardigan sweaters and modest skirts. Mother thought the pearl jewelry that adorned all seven women was lovely. Laurent wore a suit - Italian from his mind - and a jewel-toned tie. All of them, Laurent included, wore discreet crosses that the German coven thought caught the light rather well. The newborns had even arrived in a BMW rather than the garishly painted Volkswagen vintage van they had used in the past. Nostrils flaring, like a larger purebred dog studying a five pound mongrel, Arria sniffed in disdain. Mary Sue moved her eyes from me to quirking an eyebrow at Arria.

The reaction of the Telecles men, however, was entirely different.

The newborns took one look at the men in the room and smoldering glances flew aplenty.

Jasper whispered under his breath, "No way."

Oh Hell.

Squealing erupted from all around the room as each of the female newborns launched herself past the confused German coven to pounce upon a Telecles man. When I had summoned them to seduce snotty aristocrats, _this_ was most definitely not on the agenda. For the sake of her protection, I pushed Bella behind me to ensure that she was not hurt in the morass of flying limbs and ecstatic embraces. Skeevy and the rest of her guards that were in the house covered us from behind while trying to scrape their jaws off the floor.

"Darlings!" squealed Addie Mae and Dallas Faith as they leapt upon the stunned-into-silence Metie and Pesna.

"Pumpkin!" shrieked Carol Lynn to Thucer and Ella Joy to Teitu as they threw their arms around the smiling-like-simpleton vampires.

"Give me some sugar," caroled Betty Ann to the awkwardly gaping Aranthur Cartharnia, grumpy brother to the Gorgon.

"Oh, I cannot wait to get you alone, you gorgeous hunk you," Mattie Jo said to Titus Telecles, one of Marcus' senior soldiers and a second cousin to him as she traced a finger on the outside of his ear.

"Hi there, hot stuff," Mary Sue newborn cooed into the stunned eyes of King Larce as she traced his withered bicep.

"Edward what is going on?" Bella poked my back to obtain my attention. Twice.

"They mated." Since no one's lustful thoughts were directed at her, and everyone was clothed, I deemed it safe to pull her around to stand at my right side. I kept my arm at her waist, just in case.

Bella hissed, "They _what_?" She looked confused, flushed, and whispered. "I'm not stupid. They just got here. They can't have sex _that_ fast."

Actually, from their amused thoughts, they could. Not that they did. But still. The newborns were following the Denali class behavioral management plan. Which meant no public orgies. For now.

Rosalie frantically texted Tanya and her sisters wondering where they were and sharing the joy. I managed to glean from the zipping like fireflies in the dusk minds of the newborns that Tanya had suffered a serious wound in the battle with Phoenix's forces and had not quite recovered. And the devastation that I glimpsed that had transpired in Alaska. Tanya had her hands full. I tried to mentally block out the image of her left breast, poor woman, it had been hacked off with a vampire blade and was still regenerating. She intended, so said her timely text to Rosalie, to advise me via email.

Competing against the chorus of ecstatic squeals, my voice never stood a chance. Laurent was not the only one who appeared stunned as he gazed at the drooling Vel. Oh, the Gorgon was definitely going to go around a bend over that pair. She was awfully protective of her nephew who had just been outed, which she apparently did not have a problem with; but that whole impaired-by-a-millennium-of-Romanian-torture issue had her morals actually firing for once. Who knew? Laurent, appeared to be every bit as concerned about his new mate.

He vowed, "I will heal you with my love, _mon amor_."

Vel beamed at him and took his hand, "You smell good. Can I nibble your fingers?" Laurent's eyes went glassy at that point. And common decency prevents me from describing the content of his lurid fantasies.

As a matter of fact, all the new bonding emotions soaring through the atmosphere sent Jasper shooting from the building because he was about ready to start beaming all that to everyone else. Since Mary Alice remained in the house, I am assuming that Jasper's thoughts about solving his own problem were true. There were sometimes when my gift became a burden. The mental image of Jasper ahem, comforting himself in the woods . . .I was going to require therapy from Dr. Jung. Lots of therapy. Scratch that. Therapy meant talking. No therapy for me. Ever.

Bella kept gazing at the faces of the new-mated immortals with everything from confusion to what seemed to be anxiety appearing on her expressive-when-she-chose-to-be face.

Satan made me do it. My willpower failed me, and I could not help myself. I smiled broadly, as I said in the most formal tones I could summon without laughing, "Dearest," I squeezed her waist affectionately, "I would like you to meet your new cousins-in-laws, aunts and step-Great Grandmother."

"May blessings shine upon you, my Queen," I cheerfully proclaimed to Mary Sue newborn and King Larce.

Mary Alice decided that perhaps now would be appropriate to steal my bride in case an orgy or a death match broke out in the living room. "Bella, let's go upstairs. I need some girl time." She did not bother to wait around for my bride to agree, and instead lifted her and bolted up the staircase. I caught a whiff of Alice's vision and blanched.

Father saw me and raised a brow. In a soothing voice gift firing at full blast, he announced, "We should give you privacy to celebrate your recent union. Perhaps we should schedule a visit for a more convenient time." All the newly mated couples nodded fervently. The Germans decided that they definitely needed to leave and vanished without an _"Auf wiedersehn." _

As she sailed out the front door on the arm of the beaming King of the Lost Covens, Queen Mary Sue Catharnai mentally called to me, _"Don't think I've forgotten. I just need to spend some time getting acquainted with my man. You should talk to Alice till I get back."_ Sound advice.

No fool he, Marcus knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. And his wife looked like she was going to launch. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, and said, "My love, is it not wonderful to see our family smile after years of pain?" Then he had to go and kiss to top of her head in a courtly manner that distracted her quite well.

That man was dangerous. Appropriately scary, too. The Gorgon's face immediately went from glacial to blank. I have no idea what thought he sent to his mate using his gift, but it appeared to have her in some kind of tizzy.

She heaved, "Husband, I will await you at home," and swept out of the room, dragging the ever-so-amused Skeevy with her as she pointed out the obvious to him, "Your mate awaits you." She was not taking any chances with her one remaining son that had not bonded with the newborns. And I was trying to scour the slumberous look she exchanged with her husband at vampire speed from my mental rolodex.

As she passed, I could not help but whisper to her at vampire pitch, "Take heart madam, it could have been worse. Your oh-so-eligible daughter, Arria, could have bonded with one of them. My, how awkward would that be making a suitable alliance - seeing as you can not do that with Bella?"

With a stiffened carriage, the Gorgon all but stomped from the house, the tiny little thing. My laughing had my family looking at me like I had lost my wits. Again.

Skeevy, however, seemed vastly amused and told his Mother, "He scored that point well, Mother. The Youngling can be taught! He even learned the Telecles trait of kicking the enemy in the throat when they are wounded. I see great things in his future."

Ever so nonchalantly, Marcus said, "Edward, let's take a stroll and find a lunch for you, shall we?" I was not hungry. That was not a request. Not really. It wiped the smirk right from my lips. Him walking off into the woods sealed the deal. He got the moral high ground to take me off into the woodshed – I mean forest - to find out what I had done to upset his Granddaughter. Plus, he handily escaped from the sight of the newborns fawning over his children, father-in-law, brother-in-law, cousin, and nephew. Most importantly, he managed to escape from the wrath of his wife. That man's brilliance never ceased to astound me. Perchance time around Marcus could help me.

"Yes, sir," I attempted to maintain an aura of composure. Traitor heart that I had sped up a bit, but kept at its uneven rate in time with my bride. I hurried after him.

Jugurtha hissed, "Settle yourself. Your stress could hurt Bella."

"How?" I knew we were mated, well, sort of mated, but I had never seen one vampire's stress causing damage to another vampire.

"Exactly," He answered.

"Exactly what?"

"She's not a vampire. Bella is a human. When your heart rate increases from emotional agitation, hers could also. See?"

We listened and sure enough hers did. Drat. The newborns had left the property with their new mates; thank the Sweet Lord on High. My dear little baffled one was being lectured by Rosalie and Mary Alice on just what had happened. I was going to have to contemplate upping her sedatives because I did not see myself being calm any time soon, especially with the tricky topic my family currently handled like a live grenade while telling the absolute truth. Perhaps my brother was correct about designing a Pez dispenser for Xanax.

Starched Shirt Edward exclaimed, "We must show fortitude. We must be a man, and not allow our emotions to harm our peach. No Xanax for her!" Like a fire and brimstone preacher standing at the pulpit, he pointed an accusing finger at me. Then he turned to Jugurtha and asked, "What is this thing called Xanax? It sounds wicked. And who is this person Pez who passes it out? Do we need to kill him?"

"Xanax is a potion that will make Bella calm so his feelings cannot harm her heart. Pez is harmless," Jugurtha handled this for me.

He took Starched Shirt Edward by the shoulder and said, "He is finally in his right mind. Do not make him angrier. We need him rational."

I was perfectly rational. I had no idea what had Jugurtha so concerned. I had been perfectly behaved for . . .about fifteen minutes.

Starched Shirt Edward slumped, "My apologies. I was overwrought. Think back on what our brother Jasper showed us about shielding our feelings so that she does not suffer from them."

Oh right. For once the man had a good point. Flexing a part of my brain that I had only practiced using once proved difficult. With Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward's encouragement, I managed to create a buffer.

Mary Sue newborn would make for an interesting Queen of the Lost Covens and Immortal World. And they would also never be bored stiff.

Mary Alice threw an arm around Bella and said, "You look upset. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, thanks."

"Bella, are you worried that Edward is going to mate with another female vampire?"

"It's not like he would be able to help himself. Look what happened with my Uncle. He was with Eve for forty years."

"Bella, I have seen multiple visions of your future, and no matter what, one thing has been constant: Edward."

"What?"

"I have known Edward for fifty-five years. Fifteen words were all I managed to pry from him the first decade. In all that time, I have never seen him come alive like he did when he met you. He is so painfully quiet. Talking makes him shake. But he does it for you. I cannot even begin to tell you how special that makes you." Arria picked that moment to walk into the room and slam a shield down. Damned interfering woman. We were just getting to the good part!

"Edward, are you practicing shielding Bella?" Marcus voice called out to me and my racing heart. I felt his hand on my shoulder. Belatedly, I jumped, but did not get far in Marcus grasp.

"My lord?" I wasn't sure what to call him. And my voice cracked on that. How pathetic.

"Son, relax."

"Yes, sir."

His soldiers moved out of immortal hearing range and we began to run. When we reached a lonesome summit in the Olympic National Park, Marcus took a seat after dusting the smattering of ice and snow off of a ledge. He gestured for me to join him.

"Construct a sound barrier, please, Edward." That cannot be good. I did and kept it visible so Marcus could detect it, and so could his legionnaires.

"Your mate bond with my Granddaughter has been severely damaged, Edward."

"Back in Italy you said it had potential."

"It does, but you need to give her a chance to heal."

"Is it in worse shape than when we were in Europe? I cannot leave her side. She has an entire army after her led by a demon."

"The bond is slightly stronger. She has an army defending her as well. She will never be alone, and I am not asking you to leave her side."

"You are not?" This man confused me.

"Have you asked Bella what happened to her during the period you were gone?"

"No."

"Perhaps you should. Son, you're going to have to find a different way to court your wife. I have found making women cry is not helpful unless you are giving them a gift of something irritating like a small animal."

"I know."

Women! They were making me deranged, every last one of them. In her line only. And her little dog, too. I mean, really, what kind of person had a Tibetan Mastiff that had been bit by a European werewolf hanging around?

Jugurtha said, "You were bit by a European werewolf."

"Whatever. Trying to think here." I wagged a finger at him.

"Edward," Marcus lectured, "you need to find a way to deal with your anger and forgive yourself. Doing so subtilizes the memories that I can see plague you into ones that are easier to bear."

Even with my advanced degrees, elevated vocabulary, and multiple languages spoken, I was stumped as to his meaning. "How?"

"Because you can see them as lessons learned, not deeds unpunished. I know all about making mistakes, Edward. I have spent a millennium suffering because of foolish decisions I made in haste. Worse, I condemned my mate to the same sentence."

"But in the vision I saw, you got your children back. And your men. Right?"

"I did. Yet in the same set of circumstances, knowing what I know now, I would have acted differently. I earned some of my children back. Not all of them." Admittedly, I burned with curiosity about his Mother after spiritually meeting her, but was not quite rude enough to ask. What kind of woman made her son choose which child lived? Given the women on both sides of that family, it was amazing any child survived, come to think of it.

Marcus leaned forward, "I have done and seen considerable evil in this world, Edward. What is eating at you?"

This could not be happening. I knew he could not read my past, and that he could only read the perceptions that I permitted him to hear. But still. I gulped. And from Marcus' mind, turned pale. Yet another reminder about my not-normal-vampire nature.

"Come now, it cannot be _that_ bad. I jest not when I say that I have heard it all. Confess. You will feel better," he cajoled in an awe-inspiring-at-its-persuasiveness voice that had Jugurtha drooling in envy. He looked so much like his Mother in that moment.

Perhaps that explained why, before I knew better, I had to go and blurt the truth. "I abandoned my mate and the tribe and left them to die. Is that not enough?"

Marcus grunted.

"Every time I hear her heartbeat, her lungs struggling to breathe, I know it is because of me and what I have done to her." I beat my fist against my breast.

"What was your agreement with the tribe?"

"That I would train their new shaman and help them learn how to defend themselves."

"Did you?"

"Well, yes. I started at least. Jasper and the family helped with the battle training."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because I suspected something bigger was afoot than a spurned wife. I had to leave to protect my family. I thought I had left the tribe in good hands. My family had planned a quick visit to Alaska."

No offense against Paula and all. She could not help that she had been possessed by a demon. Ok fine, she could. But still. It could have happened to anyone. It was a miracle it had not happened to _me_ given the shady spirits that I had gathered around me in past months. Did that make me an otherworldly floozy? And I had been right. That whole red-eyed people threat had been real.

Why didn't Genevieve simply write me a letter that said, "By the way, after you finish rescuing my lied-to-all-her-life-niece, please be sure to watch out for the soul-sucking demon that is after her and your entire family. Liam sends his best!"

Lightly, Marcus slapped my face, bringing me most definitely back into the present. "Stop daydreaming."

"My apologies." I rubbed my jaw.

"You remind me of a passage that I read years ago, 'Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king.'" He waved his arm at the view below us filled with deer and elk and all sorts of feasts, "'The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.'"

Well, what do you say in response to _that_? 'Gee, thanks? Guilty? Actually, oh great one, I am really more of a bastard than you think?' I said nothing and stared at the earth that I dug at with the tip of my boot.

"Edward, think on my words. Your bond with Bella will not be repaired until you come to peace with yourself. Life is a series of mistakes that hopefully make us stronger. The threat we face from Maria is one of the gravest I have encountered."

"Why?"

"Because that breed of demon that lives in Maria is what killed my sons and every last one of my Legionnaires. It made it look like a game of a young child. Vivinna and I spent a thousand years suffering earning back my family. We could lose them in an instant. I need you to be focused, son."

"Oh. Is there anything else I need to know about this demon?" How eloquent. I had become the progeny of Mike Newton, conversationally speaking.

"It can control the ones it kills."

"But they are dead, right?"

"It takes their spirits, Edward. That is what my Mother was telling you. She has guarded the spirits of my dead children from the demon all these years."

"If that demon killed your four sons, are they more vulnerable now?"

"From what she said to you, I think my Mother is guarding them as well. But that does not mean they cannot die again. And that is not the worst of it," Marcus felt the need to add to the boiling oil that bubbled around my throat.

"What is?"

Marcus tossed a rock that landed five miles away fortunately in a stream after knocking softball sized holes in eighteen trees. "We survived assassinating the immortal child by pure luck thanks to Jasper's note."

"Really?"

Marcus snorted, "Jasper was irritated that Maria was unimaginative in making the origami swan she left for Bella out of sheet music from Swan Lake."

"How did he top that?"

"Aro helped."

"Really?"

"Yes, Aro adores opera. He suggested quoting Mozart's Don Giovanni."

That play was all about the man who was damned if I recalled correctly.

"Which line?"

"He used two. The first was the statue of the dead telling Don Giovanni, 'I'll be coming to your house tonight for dinner.'"

"How appropriate," I smirked, "And the other?"

"It was in the scene where the statue of the dead speaks to him, 'Misguided, perverted, anger not the departed,' is what he wrote on the paper." Marcus paused for a moment and then declared, "Maria is considerably more powerful than the demon that decimated my troops and my life."

That had been a thousand years ago. Marcus had grown in power since then. And somehow, he had killed the last demon. This time, I had the power of every shaman in Hezekiah's line and had been learning more about the powers every day. I could handle this if he could not. Really.

Jugurtha whispered something profound into my ear and helped keep me composed. Using my best lackadaisical manner, I said the only thing I could. "So? I'm still going to kill her."

So there. That was true. Really. I was. As soon as I could locate the damned she-demon. But still. No one trifled with my family. A man - not that I was one – had to take a stand. And this was mine. Using my boot, I drew a line in the earth, and then stepped over it.

Hours later, after returning from a light snack and a quick jog, something woke me from a rather long discussion with Hezekiah. Bella had her back to me, asleep on her edge of the bed. Spine rigid. Genevieve lives again. I studied my mate as she lightly snored to the sound of the snow falling outside. Without waking her, I scooted her towards the center of the mattress.

Rosalie came in to check on us, more specifically me **– **as she handed me more pain killer. My sister mentally asked me to construct a shield. Once it was in place, she said at vampire pitch in Tagish, "What in God's name happened earlier today with Bella?"

"I offered her my hand in marriage."

In all my years, I had never seen a smile like that from Rosalie. "Oh Edward! Did she agree to take you back? Well?" She actually went up on her tip toes and bounced. Twice.

"She accepted."

"Were those tears of joy? She did not seem happy when you returned from the forest."

"I am not sure. You women are so confusing."

"Try me, brother, dear."

Mary Alice knocked and we bade her to enter. She had clearly seen this conversation coming.

"I merely offered her my Mother's ring after she accepted my suit on bended knee. I expressed my eternal devotion."

Rosalie said, "Always a good move. So what happened next?"Mary Alice seemed to already know the answer to that question but held her tongue.

"She stared at it like it had transformed into Phoenix before her eyes. Bella actually attempted to run away."

"Edward, I do not want to pry because I know how private you are." Rosalie held up a palm in an 'I come in peace unarmed' manner. "You should give Bella a different ring."

Oh. there was some superstition about engagement rings from broken engagements being offered again that I had overlooked? I would have to do more research on this matter. Emily Post had offered no assistance.

Rosalie tsked at me as I replayed the memory of my second proposal to my dear little one back in my mind.

Mary Alice said, "I definitely think offering her a different ring would be fruitful."

My family's constant assistance humbled me so. "Thank you, Rosalie and Mary Alice. I want to do right by her."

"I know Edward." Rosalie actually sounded sad. Not for me. But for Bella. "Just be gentle with her. She is every bit as confused as you are. Her entire world has been destroyed in a matter of months."

"Earlier, that was fear. I could smell it. Seeing that ring terrified her." Jugurtha said.

"It's not like I threatened to beat her or anything, I simply held the ring out towards her for crying out loud."

My poor wife. She was so fragile and damaged and it was, of course, my fault for failing to protect her as a spouse should. Now, she feared rings. I would have to give her an engagement necklace. Wait - she already had one. A necklace. Perhaps an engagement bracelet?

"I vote for an ankle version," Jugurtha leered. Knowing him he'd want me to fasten it after licking her ankles.

"That couldn't hurt." He scolded me.

"No_ licking_ of our little one!" Starched Shirt Edward bellowed.

"Why not?" Jugurtha scoffed, "We're married, after all."

Starched Shirt Edward flushed like an overheating fire engine. Beads of sweat broke out on his brow as he stammered, "Not in the eyes of the Church. More importantly, our dear little rose blossom has no idea she is our wife. So no licking her until she knows and consents."

I could nod to that. Really, it was not like I would dream of licking her without her permission. I was high-minded like that. Fine, I would definitely dream of licking her. But I would not actually attempt said licking . . . .

Starched Shirt Edward said to Jugurtha, "Is this some new illness due to that bite – this fixation on licking her?"

Jugurtha threw his arm around Starched Shirt Edward and said, "Perhaps. But he will behave. You have ensured that quite effectively. Let us go and study more about that Aquinas fellow. We also have to select more lingerie for our peach. I have a new catalog from England that I think you must help me examine. For her sake. We cannot have her dressed inappropriately, and I require your wise counsel."

They walked side-by-side into the library and shut the door on me. Peace at long last. When I came back to the room my sisters had vanished as well.

I expected my dear little distraught one, after that episode, to have screaming nightmares about being pursued by diamonds. Much to my consternation, Bella soundly slept for three hours and did not move by so much as an inch.I could not sleep as anxiety did a jig in my stomach with hobnailed boots. I had to fix this.

Since I was the man in this relationship, and everything negative in it was by default my responsibility regardless, I had to find a way to make this better. In desperation, I did the one thing I had put off for a century. Depressed, I left the room. Feet dragging like lead weights were soldered to them, I trudged up the stairs to the attic.

It took some time, but I finally managed to discover the other boxes of my human family's possessions that Father had saved. The rest were in storage in Chicago. Emmett and Jasper had dusted the entire attic to keep my bride from wheezing. I could smell the beeswax and lemon oil as I touched the wood of the steamer trunk. Grimacing, I considered opening it. I kept hearing my vampire Mother's voice remind me that they were only things and could not hurt me. I wished that were true. By simply holding one out, I had caused my bride considerable distress. Again.

I lost track of time staring at the wood of the lid hands frozen in place as memories of my human life bounded through my guilty mind. How could I forget such amazing Parents? My human family had been a close one, my childhood very happy. I knew not what made Lady Fate toss me like garbage into the immortal world ripped of my anchors. How far I had fallen since the day I had died.

Skeevy escorted Bella into the attic and shut the door behind him on his expedited way out of the room. And I definitely heard him offering to take his sister Arria out for a sojourn. Alone. At last. I was so stunned my manners fled and I remained kneeling before the trunk as she tentatively approached.

Jugurtha ordered, "Put up one of those sound rings." Excellent idea. Done.

Bella did not have a fever, but her face was red. "Are you well?"

"I'm sorry for freaking out earlier." She stuffed her fists in the pockets of her pants and shifted from foot to foot. I could see they were shaking. Her feet and her hands.

Jugurtha pointed out, "She is offering us an olive branch. Take it and thank her."

"Not as sorry as I am, Bella. I was thoughtless. I did not realize you feared jewelry."

"I don't." She stood straighter and appeared confused.

"Bella, you looked at me like I had transformed into Satan before your eyes." Truth be told, it had reminded me of the expression on her face all those months ago when I had . . . behaved highly inappropriately. But she had forgiven me for that. And Bella never lied.

She stared past me and said, "I was not thinking. I just reacted. Edward, it hurts me to see that . . . ring. I'm sorry. I remember that day and." She looked like she was about to cry. I could not have that. I moved from the trunk to crouch before her on bended knee. I kept my hands fisted at my sides to keep from spooking her.

"I know you have no reason to believe me, but I would never hurt you like that on purpose." Before she could answer, I stumbled ahead, blind man that I was. "I have a question," I hesitated, miserably, fearful that I would send her shrieking from the room.

"Go ahead."

I feared looking at her in that moment more than I did fighting Phoenix on that day not so long ago, "You said that you forgave me for all those things I said and did. Did you mean it?" I whispered that last part.

"Of course, Edward."

"I am still trying to learn. I need your help." I cleared my throat and tried not to cry. "Bella, if you forgave me, why did me offering you that ring hurt so much? You forget when you forgive, is that not so?"

I had read a passage by Hannah Arendt that reminded me of this moment, "Without being forgiven, released from the consequences of what we have done, our capacity to act would, as it were, be confined to a single deed from which we could never recover; we would remain the victims of its consequences forever, not unlike the sorcerer's apprentice, who lacked the magic formula to break the spell." I did not know the magic words. I sat there trapped like a fly in a web of my own making.

"Some people say that. I think what they mean is that you do not rub people's faces in their past mistakes."

"You have not done that to me."

"When I saw that ring, I could not help but hurt inside. I'm sorry, I can't help it. But I do forgive you."

I hung my head and rubbed at my forehead. "Oh. My. Had I any idea, I never would have offered it to you. I apologize for my insensitivity. I see the ring differently than you do."

"How?"

I opened the first trunk. I pulled a piece of paper from the trunk and handed it to her. It was a formal invitation to one of the teas my human Mother had thrown all those years ago.

"For months, my Mother had been holding formal teas to bring young ladies to the house for me to meet." I pulled out a picture that had been taken of us sitting on the couch. There were several pictures that had been taken of that day. Now I know why.

Bella patted my shoulder and read the invitation. "Why?" She pored over the pictures.

"Back then people were considered adults at a younger age than they are now. I wanted to fight in World War I. My Mother saw a different future for me. She invited dozens of young ladies to the house for socials. I felt like a failure because none of them . . .Well . . ." my voice stilled.

"What happened?"

I exhaled in a shamed huff, "Nothing. I sat there like a trapped animal and tried to hide my shaking hands as I sipped tea. I think I chipped three different cups. Horatio St. James," I pointed to his solemn face in the first picture, "Was my best friend. He sat by me most of the time and helped me."

"I know how that feels."

"Did you know my Mother saw you in a vision all those years ago?"

"Really?"

"Yes. I lost many of my human memories in the years after I became – what I am - and gained them back while I was gone."

"Your kind seem to have problems with memories."

"Yes, we do but only of our human lives. We have perfect recall; well most of us do, from the moment we awaken as we are."

"Why did you lose your memories?"

"I do not know. It does not happen to all of our kind. But it did me. And it happened at a young age, which is rare."

"What did you forget?"

"Within three years . . . Almost everything about my human life. I remember becoming distraught when I found a journal and read it wondering who had written it. I did not recognize my own handwriting, or any of the events it described. I could not conjure in my mind the face of my family."

She handed me back the invitation holding it carefully to prevent the paper from being damaged. Eager for something to keep my hands busy, I placed it back in the trunk, turning partially away from her. I opened the adjacent trunk and found my Mother's coat with the rabbit fur. I took it out and placed it on Bella's lap. "That was her coat. The collar has rabbit fur. When I was very small I remember rubbing my face against it as she carried me."

She stroked it. "It is very nice. I can see why you liked it."

"On the day you . . ." I could not say the word 'died', it hurt too much. "I had just experienced a vision of my Mother describing the woman I would marry. She told me of you, Bella. In that moment, all my human memories came back. I started to run home. I could not wait to see you and begin," I laughed bitterly, "groveling at your feet."

"What did your Mother say?"

"It was the day of this tea. I remember telling her that I was sorry for disappointing her and not feeling drawn to any of the young ladies she had invited. She gave me the ring with tears in her eyes and insisted that she just knew that I would need it soon. She told me that she had seen me getting married in a vision. And she described you exactly down to the color and length of your hair. Two days later we were all dead. Well, some of us were."

"Gosh," Bella gulped. She handed me back the coat and grateful for something to do, I put it back in its trunk.

"Now, when I see that ring, I think of my Mother's excitement at our marriage how happy she was as she described you. I see it as a sign of hope for the marriage I never thought I would have, for the family I never dared dream I could have. I know you do not see it that way, though. So I am . . . sorry that in my rush to please you . . . that I did not consider your feelings and only thought of mine."

"Edward, what are you doing?"

My hand shook at I touched another trunk. I had my back to her.

"When we first visited Liam's farm, everything looked like it had remained the same since the day he died. You even had the clothes that Genevieve purchased for you hanging in the closet with the tags still attached in plastic."

Bella mumbled, "Yes."

"I understand. Really. I do. Would you mind staying with me while I open this? It is something I should have done years ago but could not work up the fortitude."

She knelt down on the floor beside me. We faced nine large wooden trunks. Somehow I felt better when she placed her hand beside mine on the top of the lid and helped me open the Pandora's box of my human life.

"Carlisle had to pack up my family's things because I could not."

Silence greeted me. I pressed on. "Newborn vampires tend to be overemotional. Easily upset."

"You lost your entire life in two days, Edward. There's no shame in grieving that."

"I only sat on the floor and cried as Carlisle worked. Over the years, I only managed to open that one," I pointed at one in the corner, "I ignored the others. It hurt too much to go through these things and not know what any of them were."

"Do you need help?" Boy did I ever, little girl.

"Somewhere in one of these trunks is a green box. It belonged to my Grandmother."

I opened the closest trunk. On top were dusty pictures of my Parents. Bella rose to her knees and leaned over it.

"May I?" I could not deny her.

"Of course. What is mine is yours."

She picked up one and ran her finger along the frame, "They were tall for their time. Your Mother is lovely." Then she sneezed. Damned dust mites. I thought I had cleaned everything.

Jugurtha said, "You cannot dust what you do not open, and your family would never dream of invading your things. Say something intelligent about your Mother."

"That was her wedding dress."

Carlisle had saved and labeled my Mother's wedding dress, my Grandmother's, too, which was underneath it. I handed each to Bella.

Bella fingered the dress carefully, "Your Grandmother was small. I think she was shorter than me. Those dresses are gorgeous." She laid them carefully across her lap.

"She was. But fierce."

In the very bottom of the trunk, I found the green box and placed it in Bella's lace-covered lap. "My Mother was an optimist. Like you. Her Mother gave this to her when she turned eighteen. This is now yours."

She opened it cautiously. Inside gleamed jewels and pearls. I reached for one item and held up a sapphire ring with a cluster of diamonds peeping from behind a cameo brooch.

"My Grandmother Grace was wise and tremendously kind. I named Miss Grace after her."

"I adore Miss Grace."

"She calls you 'sweet girl.'"

Bella smiled tentatively.

"You do not have to do it today, or even tomorrow. When you are ready for the world to know, then please consider doing me the honor of wearing it."

She froze. I looked at her eyes, entreating for permission to simply hand it to her. She offered a slight inclination of her brow and did that whole Swan stuns the Cullen routine by extending her fingers towards me, palm facing down. With shaking hands, I put the ring on her finger. It slid right off.

I caught it as Bella bowed her head, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Sweetheart, it does not fit right now because you still need to gain weight. I will have Rosalie fix it for you tonight. It's not your fault. You have done no wrong."

I wrapped my arms around her and we sank together to the wood floor. The wind slammed against the side of the house, making the air vents sound like sea shells. My back resting against the wall of trunks behind me, I caressed her hair with nervous penitent fingers as she stared at the ring. Digging into the bottom of the jewelry box, I found another treasure. Grandfather had insisted that Grandmother Grace have a matching bracelet.

For a moment, I thought I was sitting in church staring at a woman praying with her bowed head and quiet demeanor. "It is gorgeous," she whispered. I heaved a sigh of relief. "Edward, thank you. It won't fit on my wrist, though. I'm still too skinny." She said that word like she loathed it and slumped forward.

"Stop being so hard on yourself. You have made so much progress in the past few months, my Queen. It takes time to heal and gain weight."

"I eat like a draft horse, Edward. It does not seem to make a difference." My Bella never complained. Ever. This was bad.

"But you have gained weight, Bella, and you have seventeen more pounds to go. I will still eat with you, if you like. And the bracelet will fit on your ankle." She flushed to the roots of her hair and fanned at her face. Jugurtha was brilliant.

"May I?" I gestured to her feet.

"Oh, this is silly." She spluttered.

"Humor me, my Queen?" Mother and Emmett between them had made sure the attic was well heated. I took her boots off and her right sock. I fastened the jewelry around her ankle and it fit. I liked the way the stones shimmered against her skin. Before I knew what I was doing I traced a finger across the bracelet and said reverently, "It looks wonderful."

"I feel dumb sitting here barefoot. What am I supposed to do to those snobby vampires, wag my foot at them?" She lifted her ankle in the air. I needed to stop staring right now. Even Jugurtha agreed as the windows rattled.

At vampire speed, I disrobed. My feet only. "There. We'll be silly together. And I would be vastly entertained by you doing so. Shall we practice the ankle wag to pull off the appropriate level of haughtiness?" That earned a smile. I refused to call her dumb. She was not mute. Or simple by any means. And no one was looking at her bare ankles but me.

I remembered Hezekiah's Jenny saying that I needed to find out more about what my dear little one liked. I could do that. I had seen Jasper interrogate people. Mind you, I learned from his memories and he killed most of his subjects. Which I would definitely not be doing. Today. But still. She sneezed.

"Here, let's put these dresses up before the dust makes your asthma worse." She handed each to me and I stuffed them back into the trunk and slammed the lid. No more dusty wedding dresses for her. I'd have to remember to burn those, too. They made her sneeze. That cannot be good.

Starched Shirt Edward nudged me and said, "Say something intelligent."

"What was your favorite food as a child?"

"My Mother did not know how to cook much, but the one thing she could do was make a really good tapioca pudding from scratch. What about you?"

"Do you remember the meal we had in the hospital when you were recovering from pneumonia? The chocolate cake?"

"Yes."

"That was from a recipe that my human Mother recorded. I thought you might like it. Esme made it for you."

"That's sweet Edward." She sounded stunned. "Do you still like it?"

"When you become . . .one of our kind . . .normal food does not taste the same." That's because normal food has two legs, not four. "Other vampires do not crave food made by humans. Except for me."

"Why?"

"I do not know. What is strange is that when I started going around you, I started liking the scent of some foods."

"Like what?"

"I remember the day I brought you the ice grippers that I touched you and had a vision."

"What did you see?"

"When you were upset and I touched you, I suddenly remembered walking into my house in Chicago. It was winter and snowing outside and I entered a warm kitchen. I smelled baked apples and the yeast of bread rising. And Bella, it smelled so good." I sounded awed.

"Is that normal?"

"No. The only thing when you become an immortal that has any appeal is the blood of humans."

"You would not happen to be thirsty at this moment, would you?" She squeaked.

"No, I am not. You are safe from my evil clutches. Well, part of them anyway," I tightened my arms around her. I was never letting her go.

"So touching me brought your human memories back?"

"Yes. When you cried that day on the bench I felt useless. I had never touched a human before to comfort . . . When I touched you, I remembered my human Mother rocking me in her arms and singing to me." My voice shook. I left out the whole, "I was dying at the time part." That could ruin the happy moment and all. I could learn tact.

"Really?"

"You have no idea of the miracles that you bestowed upon me and our family. You brought me my memory of my human Parents. Carlisle had known them when they lived, but can you imagine what it is like to have to have someone else tell you about your own family?"

"Actually, I can. I seem to not have known mine when they lived." I did not know what to say to that.

"Have you been talking with Arria about them?"

"Some. But you remember it all now, right?" She soothed.

"I do."

"Favorite childhood memory?" she asked, cleverly changing the subject.

I leaned over to the open trunk and pulled out a toy train. Part of one.

"When I was six; my family gave this to me at Christmas. It was my first train set."

"What happened to them? Are they up here? I'd love to see them."

"I have a few left. I think they are in Chicago, but I will send for them."

"This one looks like it's been through a war."

"When I awoke as I am, I was irrational. And grieving. Carlisle could not leave me alone. We had to go together to close up my family home."

"God, Edward that must have been so hard."

"The Spanish flu killed every last member of my household. Carlisle and I came home to . . . " I did not think she needed to hear about how we had found the corpses of our maids and cook and the three-year-old little girl who lived across the street. Her entire family had died and Carlisle guessed that our staff had taken her in. They all died in the living room. But she did not need to know that. "When I saw my room, I was not used to my strength. And I was distraught at how we had died, and the silence of the house. This was all that was left of that first train set. Carlisle stopped me before I destroyed the rest."

"Does it still hurt you to look at them?"

"No. I remember the joy I felt at collecting them."

"I propose we start collecting trains."

"You want to?"

"I do. You can teach me about them."

"Then my dear little antique lover," she giggled, "I shall make it so. I think I can afford a few sets without going bankrupt."

She covered her mouth for a moment in surprise. "Gosh, I never thought about how expensive they were."

"Bella?"

"Yes. I'm sorry we can research them and collect the pictures if you like."

"I do not mean to be rude."

"There's a 'but' in there somewhere."

"My Grandmother's ring that you hold alone is worth three years of tuition at Dartmouth. The bracelet alone could pay for your entire graduate career. I am disgustingly rich. Alice has invested my money for years and made me enough that you will never want for anything. We can buy all the trains you like."

"Oh. Ok."

I could hear Charlie downstairs asking after his daughter.

Sometimes doing the right thing was totally unfair.

"Your Father is asking after you downstairs. Do you want to see him?"

"Sure. He's been worried lately." Her voice trailed off.

She put on her socks and shoes, leaning against me. I followed suit. Except for the leaning part.

"When do you want to tell him about our engagement?"

"Now."

I cannot recall ever thanking God that I was immortal and sincerely meaning it prior to today. And I had already had a heart attack for one day. This woman was going to kill me.

We trudged down the stairs to face the incipient wrath of Charles Swan. Who, if my prediction was accurate, would think I had impregnated his child while we were in the hospital. As if. Alas. But a fiend could dream. Of that. And the fun practice of actually bringing that fortuitous event about. Lots and lots of practice. Not the her in the hospital part. Scratch that.

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "Your manly parts must behave around our dear little one you lout! You cannot appear before the family and her Father in that state!"

Fine. Just this once. All that I had to do was call to mind the terrorizing sight of Charlie urinating in front of me to master myself.

I closed the attic door and took her by the hand to meet our impending doom.

Like a dandelion before the hurricane, he was eating a bagel with cream cheese as we entered the kitchen. "Chief Swan, might I have a word with you in private?"

"We're getting married." Bella blurted as he lifted the coffee mug to his lips for a sip.

He spit his beverage on the floor. And his shirt. I yanked his daughter out of its foul path.

Mother and Father burst into timely exclamations of joy and clapped. The entire room started boisterously congratulating my little Grandmaster, who smiled shyly back at them. She had slipped the ring over her finger and made a fist to keep it in place.

"It's better this way," Bella whispered.

She said to Rosalie, "Could you please help me adjust the ring size?"

"Definitely!" Rosalie said eyeing the stone with admiration. "Bella that ring is breath-taking."

Indeed. It was better this way. From the tenor of Charlie's thoughts, I could not help myself.

"_Jesus, that muppet-faced twerp knocked my baby girl up. No wonder she freaked out and had to go to the hospital. That's why she fainted two days ago. I'm going to . . . definitely not tell Renee. And I gotta buy more ammo. Good thing I'm engaged to a lawyer, cause I think I'm going to need one."_

I placed my hands protectively across my bride's abdomen. And fine, I patted our non-existent child. Twice.

Rosalie, pretending to drink algae she was passing off as herbal tea, literally choked on it.

Mary Alice coughed into her hand to keep from bursting into peals of laughter.

Emmett solicitously patted his wife on the back. Just in time, the children started wailing in their cribs upstairs. Which elevated Charlie's blood pressure.

"_Christ, twins run in the family. What if she has two babies? Her heart can't take one pregnancy."_

He looked on the verge of tears.

Leah Clearwater kissed Bella and whispered, "Congratulations," to her and "About time," to me before volunteering to assist Rosalie with the twins. Which had to be the fourth sign of the apocalypse. Leah wanting to be around children. Willingly. The poor woman.

Seth pounded my back hard enough to break human ribs and said, "Way to go, man. Hurt her and I'll kill you." He said that like he meant it, the foolish child, with a sincere smile on his face.

Charlie began to hyperventilate staring at Leah and remembering her quick engagement and hearing the howl of Phineas David, who possessed an impressive set of lungs.

Paula took Charlie by the arm and whispered, "I did tell you that Swans mate for life did I not? I saw this happening months ago. And before you make an ass out of yourself, Bella is not pregnant."

That's when Charlie fainted. Four times. With my hand on my bride's flat abdomen, staring at the ring on her hand, and the stubborn set of her jaw, I could not help but think that there were some days when it really was good to be me.

* * *

**References are posted on my profile.**

**Snarky Summary: **

**Ah, young love. *sighs* **

**So, where were we? **

**Edward meets Marcus' Mother. From this, he has concluded two things. First, Marcus totally wins on woe. The poor man spent a millennium in vampire-time-out separated from his mate because he disrespected his Momma. Damn. That's cold. Edward broke due to that separated from his beloved in a little over eight months. The idea of that kind of unceasing agony going on for 11,992 more months? Marcus is the man. Second, Marcus agreed to that deal without bothering to consult his mate, the Gorgon, who appears not to be the slightest bit perturbed about it. Edward believes that he could learn a thing or two thousand from Marcus. **

**Hezekiah decides Edward requires more wolfpyre schooling, seeing as he's now a juvenile-appearing delinquent. While he's at it, they discuss that whole syllabus and examination policy. Main Edward would like to officially state for the record that the Total Quileute Management spiritual plan they have him on is so last decade ago. He votes for a different approach. **

**Edward has *blushes* a new human symptom. Marcus and Bella have a chat about chatting. Bella tears Edward's clothes off. Sort of. Bella is into chains now when it comes to sleeping with Edward *cracks whip* Really. Bella asks Edward to share his thoughts about the thoughts he shared. Edward and Bella discuss her lying-like-a-cheap-rug Grandmother – I mean Aunt Genevieve. Douglas digs poetry. A lot. Edward re-proposes to Bella. Twice. The newborns land in Forks with a bang. Not that kind of bang. Fine. With that kind of bang. Tanya has a boob problem. Edward decides to return a gift in person. Sort of. Marcus drags Edward out for a chat about women, forgiveness, and demons, not that those things have anything to do with one another. Edward takes a walk with Bella down memory lane. They decide – Bella does – to make an announcement to the family of their good news. **

**Stay Tuned for the next episode of As the She-Demon Burns**

**Please review, it makes me smile. And Jugurtha leer. **


	61. HOD pt 50 Naked In More Ways Than One

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.  
**  
**

This is a picture taken by maggie94 entitle squirrel hunting for nuts. Douglas would like to say hello! He's missed you all so. *sniff*

**http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/ (com) jpg**

**Many thanks to LJ Summers and Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter. I could not continue to post this story without their assistance. Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for pre-reading and generally being a fantastic friend.**

**Thanks to VJGM my senior validating beta who tempts me with Glee and 80's music. Mwa-hah-hah.**

*****This chapter contains mature content. Bella and Edward actually converse. A lot. It's positively pornographic. But still. You have been warned*****

**Thanks to everyone for reading!**

**Thanks to all my muses for your reviews, PM's, tweets, and overall awesomeness. This was a difficult chapter and I was a little picky with it. Thanks for your support and patience: Erica Keber, Dallasgurl, DawnStimson, RosalieSmiled, favludo, love4allpplz, JMCullen09, Lady Dragona, Viridis73, latour, TheRavyn, dellatwi, CindyWindy, Mutt N. Feathers, prettyflour, hunybmom, mortangel, AliciaZA, Angelbach, stykks, JB30, redsoxlove, writz, PurpleMadDragon, luv4edwardcullen, avidreader69, star574, jmolly, TwilightMomofTwo, CosmicCat, Summerc79, yuexdor, lippert1000, lost star, kimboacp, schleprock, pomme_de_terre, Rogue, JaJiTaXx, jenejes, TraceyJ, Fleuritup, cheeky-sweetie, Siamecho, fanficreader83, Merrisol, elphabacy35, Mav, MitziJani, and notmyself.**

**

* * *

**

**I neglected to show you all the ring Edward gave Bella in the last chapter. This is an antique ring from his time. It can be yours for a mere $14,000 US. *sighs* Mizra made the banner. Those of you that follow the thread on Twilighted should recognize it. **

http:/i689 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/vv251/fanfics09/ring-cc-1 (dot) jpg

**This is Bella's engagement bracelet/anklet. It's gorgeous and I want it. **

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Bellasbracelet (dot) jpg**  
**

**Shout out to True Fan for generally being an awesome person. She knows why.**

**Some kind soul nominated Cullenary Coupling for a Glove Award in "The Most Pissed Pants Award." I swear on my evil author's honor I had no idea of this when I wrote Edward's latest human symptom. Honest. *blinks* A heartfelt thank you to whomever nominated me, and my congratulations to the winners in all the categories. ****http:/thegloveawards (dot) webs (dot) com  
**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty – Naked In More Ways Than One**

**Songs for this chapter:**

Neil Finn – Throw Your Arms Around Me - http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=Ft_qz4qIZuw&feature=related

Neil Finn – She Will Have Her Way - http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=QEcoIV6NI-U

Sugarland – Stand Back Up - http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=PpLoD723kx8

Steve Perry – Foolish Heart - http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=A-A8MSEB9rg

Journey – Who's Crying Now –http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=b1cjUA9jadM&feature=related

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So where were we? Ah, about ready to proffer you my usual dose of serendipitous snark. Marcus' Momma is meaner than yours, *points* and yours *points* and most definitely yours *points.* And it goes without saying that when she says "you're grounded," she takes that to entirely new levels, along with, "I don't like that wench you married." Yeesh. Talk about Mommy Dearest on crack and steroids. We learned about the "deal" Marcus made to bring his children back from the dead, and what killed them, and how those legionnaires managed to tag along for the ride. We also learned that the type of demon that inhabits Maria is the same kind and way more powerful than the very-very-dead-in-a-way-that-only-Marcus-could-do-now demon that ravaged the Telecles family all those years ago. Lovely. You might recall from a previous chapter that Marcus four sons had their heads sent to him in baskets, which kind of sort of pissed him off. I mean, really. How rude is that? So Marcus felt the need to kill the entire coven that failed to stop the demon that hijacked one of its members and ambushed his kith and kin in the process. He was quite thorough. Then he sulked for a thousand years in a corner. Without sex. So Marcus is definitely way more blue-balled that Edward could ever hope to be. Think of the epic reunion sex he had. Never mind. **

**Hmm, what else happened? Let's give the bare bones. Edward at long last found Rasce, Arria's lost-long twin and reported on the news to Vivinna. Main Edward doesn't mean to brag, but his birds really are bigger now and darker, too. Even better, so are Bella's. Our dear little bottle cap has a new heart stopping talent that makes Edward almost piss in his pants. Bella, Edward, Alice, and chains – oh my. Bella and Edward discuss marriage. The end. Kidding. Douglas, Grace, Skeevy, and Marcus all play diplomat and Edward finds that - in terms of proposals - the third time is the charm. The newborns land in Forks with a splash heard round the world. And lots of zippers, too.**

**We also learned just how nasty a demon Maria really is. I mean nasty aside from the blisters and bloating. She's **_**really**_** nasty. I mean nasty aside from her peculiar sexual habits and hygienic challenges. Inquiring minds want to know how Jasper managed to work up the enthusiasm for all those decades to do. That. **

**Speaking of "that," When last we left our young lovers – scratch that – celibate partially-mated human-anti-hero couple who aren't coupling – yet – we saw Bella had decided to seize the moment and inform Chief Swan of her impending nuptials. **

**To quote prettyflour, "(Shut it SSE. They are mated, married-sort-of-kind-of in a fake/real fiance sort of way. Edward may be an emo wolfpyre-not-so-sparkling conversationist, but he is a man. Right? He can dream. On second thought... If his precious sneezy-wheezy-one can go part-time telepath, he had better be careful his thoughts... Better stick to the ankle licking fantasies for now.)" *Books dies laughing* *clears throat***

**Edward would have no idea why Chief Swan turned that perplexing shade of puce when he innocently patted Bella's abdomen. Twice. Really, the man should consider changing professions if a simple affectionate gesture made him lose consciousness. Four times. **

**Further, Edward is insulted that Chief Swan thinks that he might have impregnated his dear little demented one. Fantasy-life aside, his beloved bride is a pure innocent maiden – he's only made her orgasm three times, for the love of all things inhuman. Not that it's anyone's business. But still. Besides, she's underweight, and impregnating her, in addition to being bad for her heart, is not the best way - so says the physician side of him - for his dear little dilapidated one to gain seventeen pounds. Really. *blinks* He's a practical prince of consideration. **

**Things that might assist you with understanding this chapter are as follows. In Be Still My Beating Heart, Edward plays a joke on Charlie. In Mammoth Sized Mongrels, Edward decides to show Bella who is boss. And it ain't him. You might gain some insight by re-reading the cave scene in the Sword of Damocles. So with that, we return to the scene of the crime, I mean breath-taking engagement pronouncement.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty – Naked In More Ways Than One**

When she announced to the family that we were going to be wed, I wanted to trumpet my love for my dear little pithy one to the world in general and my family in particular. Perhaps perform a moderate fist pump or two? Given a split-second more time to contemplate, I might even have broken down and juvenilely high-fived Emmett. But this is me, Mr. Not-quite-immortal-petrified-stick-in-the-mud; so I settled for lurking behind Bella and striving mightily to ensure I did not gawp before my relations. Or hers.

I loved her. Really. And my dear little shy one had bravely told everyone that she had agreed to marry me. Truly. Despicable me. I had to show them all I was mature enough for marriage - despite that whole being over a century in age part. And having play-acted the part of a stuttering seventeen-year-old perhaps a bit too assiduously. And being already married. But still. I also had to show them all I was worthy of her.

Frankly, I did not really care about the opinions of the haughty-snotty my-venom-is-better-than-yours highborn families throughout the Lost Covens as long as they minded their manners. But I cared what Bella thought. I had jumped at the chance to marry her because it would give me time to earn back her regard.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Carpe Diem! Tell her you love her before her family."

"No," Jugurtha insisted, "Bella will think he is acting. Worry about strategy later. Enjoy the moment." So I did.

Rosalie pointed a shaking finger and exclaimed, "Edward is actually smiling. Would you look at that!"

Bella and the entire family turned to stare at me like schoolchildren at a zoo, watching in stunned awe as some rabid animal goes spectacularly bonkers.

That had not prevented me from expressing my exultation in my own way. Quietly. Despite the fact that I had rarely engaged in the behavior, when last I checked Washington State had not outlawed smiling -even if I was criminally bad at it.

Charlie, once Father had roused him from his fourth fainting spell, had managed to gather quite the crowd.

Father insisted, "Please give him some air."

Paula helped her fish-belly-white fiancé to his feet and planted him in a chair as she said, "Put your head between your knees. It helps." Miss Black reinforced that counsel by pushing his skull in the appropriate position.

Jasper, ever so nonchalantly, blasted Charlie with a dose of I-will-not-throw-a-tantrum-itis, nimbly relieved the sheriff of his firearm, and placed it on the kitchen counter – minus a bullet or twelve. Emmett had vanished into the study and returned with a bottle and a tiny glass. He poured one point five ounces of Glenlivet whiskey and handed it to Chief Swan.

"Here, sir. You look like this would help."

Bless his deceptive little-non-beating heart, my brother wore the perfect blend of "I hope this helps," with, "this man should be inebriated as soon as possible."

Paula lifted her grip on the scruff of her fiancé's neck. At the first whiff of spirits, he popped up like an inconveniently placed garden rake in the lawn would hit a forehead when trod upon by an unsuspecting shoe.

"God bless you," Chief Swan snatched the shot glass, "Your mother raised you right, son." He downed it in one ill-mannered gulp, followed by a gasp. "Hit me again, please."

My poor little bottle cap, clearly her father was a raging alcoholic. We would have to discuss setting limits on his imbibing, entering him into a twelve-step program, perhaps prescribing the drug Antabuse.

Jugurtha peered over his reading glasses from the volume of Thomas Aquinas that Starched Shirt Edward had persuaded him into reading, "You are jumping to premature conclusions concerning that man."

"Why?" I pulled Bella closer against me as her father lifted his head from his glass to peek at us in a manner I suspect he considered surreptitious with a top note of opprobrium. Seeing as we were in public and had recently announced our engagement, such close contact seemed appropriate. And since his daughter did not take note of his expression, being busy receiving with grace the well-mannered congratulations of the Telecles clan, I decided to overlook his behavior.

Despite temptation's siren call, I was not going to push my luck or morals by kissing her in front of everyone. I ignored, therefore, Emmett's "Aw, give us a kiss," comment. That would have been boorish. Possibly deadly. But still.

"No, licking her in front of her family would be uncouth. Stealing a kiss would be fine. And decidedly hot." Jugurtha looked hopeful and batted his eyelashes at me like a puppy dog begging for a bone.

Starched Shirt Edward insisted, "Absolutely not! You must respect her boundaries!"

Whatever that meant. She was not a country with internationally recognized borders. What a ludicrous comment. I most certainly did not envision planting a _flag_ in her like some snotty, smallpox-infested colonial explorer on virgin soil. I wanted to plant much more than a . . . oh never mind.

I settled for kissing the top of her hand in a courtly manner. It made her turn the pink of the clouds at sunrise before the clapping and whistling crowd. Afterwards, Bella kept her face on the family, her back to me.

I could feel her trembling and in the guise of being the perfect fiancé smoothed a hand down her arm and whispered, "Shall we make our escape?"

Her Father reached for the bottle and I could not have my dear little one seeing her erstwhile parental unit soused. She already had enough on her mind. My dear little audacious one deserved to be happy. I could not believe she had declared our engagement like that.

Jugurtha snorted, "It was a brilliant move on her part. Her father cannot do anything but support the match, and it saves her from having to repeat it to anyone else. Watch the direction of those thoughts." He marked a page for later debate, and turned to a new chapter, "You barely pay attention to Charles Swan since you have dismissed him as a threat."

"I do so to maintain my sanity and accidentally-on-purpose-breaking his spine for his abysmal parenting job with Bella."

"He has improved on that front."

"He could only go up," I sniffed. "A history of family mental illness is one of the risk factors for alcoholism and he wins a blue ribbon on that criteria alone. His parents were certifiably insane. His uncle, too. He is male, and they are more likely to become addicts compared to the fairer sex." Jugurtha rolled his eyes like I wasted his time. "What? He watches excessive amounts of sports on television and all the commercial advertisements advocate wild bouts of drunkenness with inferior brands of alcoholic beverages. And look, right there, he took a third drink of whiskey."

"He has experienced a shock. In all the time we have been watching her; we have never once seen him drunk. Considering all of the losses of loved ones that he has endured of late, the threats to his daughter's health and well-being, and the pressure at work from the fake home invasions that he cannot seem to solve seeing as they are vampire attacks, if he were an alcoholic, he could not have hidden it from us. He would be clutching a bottle all day and night, too. Not taking his daughter to the range and making sure she knows how to fire a gun."

Okay, fine. No twelve-step program for him.

Starched Shirt Edward proposed, "Why not tell him we are suitably rich and can support our dear little peach right now? That way we do not have to speak to him later."

"Chief Swan, I apologize for not asking for your consent earlier. I inherited a substantial amount of money and properties from my late birth parents. When you feel better, I would be happy to have my financial advisor discuss my portfolio and holdings with you to show you that I can support your daughter."

Charlie spluttered, "Do you have a savings account?"

"Of course." Ninety-four when last I checked.

"Do you have enough to buy a house?"

That's when my sister stepped in before I made an outsized fool of myself. "Chief Swan, I don't know if you recall, but Carlisle and Esme adopted Emmett, Edward and me when our birth parents died. We inherited considerable assets. Edward owns several houses. They are all paid for."

Mary Alice sent to me, _"Edward, don't talk to him like he's an idiot. Look innocuous. This is an ordinary human ritual. Good parents have to ask these questions."_

Mollified, Chief Swan said politely, "Life insurance?"

Well, actually no. I had no need to waste my money. Father had to take out policies because he worked and needed to appear respectable and financially responsible like ordinary humans. He and Mother both had them.

It did not seem prudent for me to say, 'Golly, I have gobs more money in the bank than your tiny mind can imagine. Why would I want to waste it on something I will never need? Bite me.'

Cautiously, I modified my demeanor to an acceptable level of respect with Mary Alice's guidance. "Sir, I have already seen to it that in the event of my untimely demise that you and your daughter would be well provided for in my will."

Paula placed her hand over his that held the glass. "Listen to him, honey. I'm their family attorney. I've seen the records. He's telling the truth. Do you remember when Bella had her accident last January and the insurance company refused to pay for several of the bills?"

"Yeah, they wanted an insane amount of money and you were getting ready to help me sue them. But that was a mistake. What of it?"

"Edward paid them off so they would leave the two of you alone." Charlie put his head back between his knees again and gulped in air. I think I heard him taking the Lord's name in vain a time or three.

"Thanks. I'll pay you back." Charlie sounded numb. Alarmingly, he meant it. The paying me back part. Which I would not permit.

Bella's chin jutted half an inch higher. From Charlie and Paula's view her face became remote. Reading Charlie's pea-brained mind made me want to bite my lip.

"_How did this happen without me knowing about it? She was hanging around with Emmett for a while, then the whole family took off and vanished for months in Alaska and now a few months later she's engaged? That Edwin, I mean Edward doesn't even look old enough to shave. They'll probably break up next week, so I'm going to shut up now. And her poor heart. I can't risk her getting upset right now. I can still hear little kids crying so I must really be on my way to getting drunk. Christ, I hope Paula's right about Bells not being pregnant, with all the medication she's on, even if she carried to term the kid would come out with five heads."_

Charlie was a far better actor than I had ever credited, "Edward, Bella has always had a good head on her shoulders. Sounds like the two of you have put some mature thought into this. If she wants to marry you," Bella inclined her head, "that's enough for me. My kid can take care of herself. If you hurt her, I won't have to lift a finger, she's a better shot than I am."

Now that was a scary idea, and it made my bride's lips curve in a way that chilled my blood. Regardless of Marcus' irrational leniency on the issue, I was still hiding all the firearms from her the next time we went to Liam's. And she looked entirely too entertained about the mental notion of shooting useless metal projectiles at me.

"Come on, hon, let's let everyone get some rest." Paula made Charlie vanish from the house out the back door; bless her demon-stained soul. Now _that_ was a Mother-in-law that I could not only tolerate, but would actually look forward to visiting, despite her marginal taste in husbands. And I definitely did not hear her teasing Chief Swan that it was too bad he had fainted because she had planned a special surprise for him that evening that would now have to wait.

Charlie insisted, as he shook off her arm and tucked it under his own, that he felt perfectly fine, as he almost tripped across a rose bush with a bluster of, "baby girl . . . married."

I turned my attention back to my adult fiancée. Baby girl. Indeed. Everyone in the room launched into rounds of excited dialog. Considerately, they phrased their questions so that Bella was required to give minimal responses.

The most-definitely-still-scandalized Jasper had decided to put aside his questionable morality concerning my engagement to one so young in the higher name of political strategy. Now he concluded it made wonderful sense that I align myself with the Telecles family in order to protect Bella from unwelcome attention from aristocrats with armies and simultaneously reinforce the Cullen position in the immortal world.

"_Jasper?" _I said to his mind alone.

"_Yes?"_ He crouched and fiddled with the silverware in the dishwasher rack, his back turned to me.

"_I left a phone in my top left dresser drawer I would like you to have."_

"_Does this have anything to do with Emmett blathering about you crushing Bella's cell phone in a fit of pique?"_

"_The day she jumped."_ I concealed shaking hands by fiddling with the ends of her hair. _"Victoria . . . I mean Annie . . . lured Bella there by calling her. I reprogrammed another phone with the same number for you."_

Jasper stood and busied himself with the oven, _"I have already ordered Bella another one that will be delivered tomorrow morning under a different name and number."_ Reaching for a baking dish in a cabinet to his left, he offered me his stoic profile as he added, _"I am so sorry about Annie."_

I held up a palm to stop him and disguised it for the human and immortal audience by scratching my head.

"_If I had handled the situation better last year,"_ Jasper admitted, _"she would not have turned on Bella."_

I knew what it felt like to realize I had been sadistically manipulated by someone from afar – someone I did not even know – that someone being Maria. Which was wrong. What had I ever done to her? And targeting Bella was moronic on multiple levels, like secreting the proverbial bitten apple in Eden and thinking that God would never know. Maria was about ready to have a religious experience -just as soon as I found the wench. She had not entered my range. I suspected she had something to do with the explosions of an oil refinery or two in Galveston that caused every worker to die. That would make a morning snack for an army of the size we had heard she gathered.

Jasper kept a strong leash on his sentiments concerning the death of his first wife. I could not even begin to comprehend the agony that Annie endured searching for her husband all those years, being teased by Maria with nuggets of information now and then, only to find him happily married and mated to Mary Alice. I had a front row seat to how it had broken Victoria/Annie/Crazy woman as she realized how she had been deceived and that Maria expected her to kidnap the needed-to-be-alive Mary Alice and bring Jasper home.

Bella was right when she had astutely observed that vampires took peculiar glee in their heart-ache games. That Maria, at least on that level won a speechless salute from me for her presumptuousness. I did not know what to say to Jasper. Instead, I dangled the conversational carrot of vengeance before him.

"_I thought you two had so much catching up to do, that you deserved the first strike. We both know it's only a matter of time before Maria calls. She will not be able to help it." _

Jasper went all emo on me and crossed the room in the guise of congratulating me on my engagement. He smacked me across the back a time or five and mentally praised, _"I like the way your mind works, Edward. Thanks."_ Out loud to the humans he said, "Congratulations! Bella, I'm so happy to have you in the family where you belong. I have a dessert I made earlier with Emmett's help: homemade peach ice cream and apple cobbler."

"Sorry, my love," I whispered to Bella, "we have to sit through dessert, and then I promise I will get you out of here."

"Fine," she answered through gritted teeth framed by a coat-hanger smile as I seated her at the now expanded-by-five-leaves dining room table. "Your brothers are amazing cooks." Bella dug into her dessert.

Since we still had to play human for Charlie, I finished a bowl of cobbler that tasted exactly like I remembered it as a human. The ice cream, I am sorry to say, felt like someone stuffed rancid frozen peach slivers down my windpipe in a half-baked attempt to garrote me from the inside. After one bite, Bella took the bowl from me and said, "Mind if I share it with you?" I had the best Real Fiancée ever. She was willing to eat . . . to save me from social disgrace and gastric distress.

I had that lonely-in-the-crowd feeling, only this time it possessed a unique air. As I stared at the laughing relatives around me, and the Telecles clan doing an admirable job of having a good time without murdering the masses, the first vision I had experienced at the touch of Bella came back to me. I recalled the scent of cinnamon and warm bread as I smelled the cobbler in my mortal Chicago home. I remembered the astonishment I had felt upon recalling a human moment of my mortal life, and even more the tantalizing scents that had accompanied it. Most of all, I reminisced how in that memory I had been walking into the warm kitchen from a frigid winter day. Over a year later, I sat in a different house and inhabited a different lifetime, having come in from the cold, if only for a little while.

The days passed in a blur.

Charlie, alas, still stared in paranoia at his daughter's flat abdomen and would scowl fleetingly at me from time to time.

As I escorted Bella to a weekly checkup with Father and Rosalie, Chief Swan attempted to corner me a week-and-a-half after the four-in-a-row fainting spells. Her father stood in the front doorway and glared at me when I patted my bride's abdomen and said, "I'll be right here if you need me," as she walked to the study. My Father shut the door on the medical examination room, leaving us alone.

Charlie said, "Edward, my daughter is not some kind of Buddha statue that you can get good luck from rubbing her belly."

I responded with complete silence and a blank stare. There was no way I was going to even deign to answer. It belatedly occurred to Chief Swan that his word choice was perhaps absurd, and he began shifting from foot to foot with his hand on his gun.

Jugurtha stopped reading his war strategy book of the month selection and teased, "Breaking his neck would be so easy to explain away seeing as we could argue that clumsiness was a Swan trait."

Starched Shirt Edward chided Jugurtha, "We must not mock our dear little peach's disability. Her human Father is not clumsy, although he can say foolish things. I vote to raise a frosty eyebrow and do our best impression of Sister Mary Jonathan from first grade."

With one wintry stare and a slap of a wooden ruler against her palm, I recalled that formidable nun could silence a room full of rambunctious children. Charlie mentally groused something about me resembling a puppet, and expressed bafflement that I, whom had once appeared repulsed at the notion of dating his daughter, was now in fact engaged to the very same daughter. I nodded at him and walked to peruse a bookshelf. Half-an-hour later, the news cheered me, her blood work showed improvement, and she continued to gain weight and muscle mass. We visited Douglas in celebration, and gifted him with a squirrel feeder.

I would like to be able to say that the month of February was filled with hours of quality-fiancée-pressed-against-the flesh time. Like a dementia-riddled senior-citizen, I was not cognizant enough at night to remember, and too proud to ask what happened lest people know about my mental haze. Hezekiah, bless his liver-spotted heart, became my cheerful slave-driver – beg pardon – I meant teacher in all ways related to the proper use of the esteemed Quileute powers and appropriate methods of spiritual intercourse.

When I would open my eyes, Bella and the family would be around me, quiet as an Irish wake. Rosalie and Father would matter-of-factly insist on performing a physical and I did not bother to protest. Apparently, my white blood cell count disturbed them as did my low iron. Once they left, Bella would insist that we sit side-by-side with her pendant on the long chain wrapped around us both.

The days were mine to sleep in peace for at least a few hours. Bella and the rest of my family took turns waking me up to feed me in between naps. Nights were another matter. It started out simply enough, Hezekiah told me he bent the rules a wee bit so that it felt like I worked with him far longer than the few hours that I slept. Except, I went from sleeping for seven hours the first night, to nine hours the second. The next night and from then on it averaged about ten hours. And every morning would be the same; I would endure heart-stopping pain without the heart-stopping part and do my best to fake serenity as Bella saw past my act and pulled me into her strong arms.

Grace showed me that Rosalie had discreetly taken to keeping records of how long I slept, asking Father if there were any new human symptoms. Father kept his word to me, and told her that he had not noticed anything beyond the odd white blood cell count, low iron, increased appetite, muscle aches, sensitivity to cold, hair growth, headaches and nausea. Solemnly, Father had added, that worst of all, that I suffered from the need to speak every now and then and fall in love. Rosalie threw a towel at him and said, "Get out of my lab," as she went back to work on one of my blood samples.

From Jasper's thoughts as he made his way to the library, Maria had been sending tokens of her affection across the country as corpses that resembled Alice and Bella kept being found. The humans were understandably hysterical considering the average female in the United States had brown hair and eyes. Victims were turning up with both short and long hair. He and the rest of the family kept the papers from Bella. But she had the Internet and a laptop, so I doubt that stopped her from reading.

My head hurt too much for chess, so I settled on taking a vacation via the computer. Currently, she liked architecture, so we studied the painted roof of the French church Saint Cecilé of Albi, along with the stained glass windows of the cathedral in Chartes. Well, it must have been architecture she appreciated, but we looked at an awful lot of churches across the world from Greece, to Russia, to France. She avoided ones in Romania and Italy. Starched Shirt Edward beamed in delight and proclaimed this to be a sign of her interest in conversion. I pointed out to him that she had never asked for a religious wedding and I was not about to push one on her as my dear little one and I stared at a lovely photo of a monastery perched atop a mountain at Athos.

Inevitably, despite drinking several glasses of algae, my words would begin to slur, and Bella would set the computer aside and push me down as she leaned over to turn out the light. It took me a week to convince her that she could leave the light on, since it made no sense for her to sit in the dark with me bored out of her skull. Just because I slept half the day away did not mean that she had to. She ignored me and wrapped her arms tighter, I'm happy to say.

According to Grace, Bella would nap with me. When she awoke, she would keep company with my sisters at my side. She refused to leave the room when they volunteered to get her out of the house with an, "Edward needs me." Marcus had taken to spending an hour a day with her while I slept. Grace did not show me that part.

The following week, my dear little distracting one showed me reflecting pools across the world. The week after that she wanted to see pictures of the back streets of small cities in Europe. I am not sure why. And I felt too tired to ask as long as she seemed happy keeping me quiet company. My heart soared every time I caught a glimpse of her ankle bracelet. Grace said she never took it off.

Grace showed me Mary Alice, Bella and Rosalie having a conversation over my prone form during the second week of March.

"I thought this training was supposed to make him more powerful." Bella gave me a worried glance and tentatively caressed my hand. "He looks worse every day, and he's not sleeping well." I frowned on cue.

Mary Alice said, "I suppose it's like lifting weights, Bella. It hurts to do it at first. The body has to take time to recuperate. We can all sense his power becoming stronger."

"Emmett taught me that if you aren't careful lifting weights, you can tear muscles. Every time Edward wakes up, he's this ball of pain. It hurts to see it. I don't know how or why he keeps doing this."

Mary Alice explained, "Edward has always considered himself the protector of the family."

"No one can do that."

How did my beloved become so jaded? What was Marcus? Chopped liver? Oh never mind.

"I know that. _You_ know that." Mary Alice tilted her head at me. "He has yet to learn it. He's going to keep trying. He also made a promise to the Quileute tribe to help guide them, and this training is him keeping his end of the bargain."

Bella inquired, "Why, since we have such a huge army, are we sitting here like ducks?"

Rosalie pulled a blanket closer around my feet which were hanging off the end of the bed, "Marcus told Father that he wants to fight Maria on his terms. She has to come to him."

Grace ended the vision on that note. She had not considered the rest of the conversation important.

My most awesome minion patted my aching shoulder. _"Sweet girl scared."_

"_I know. We have to help sweet girl stay strong." _Grace liked that idea.

If I became winded, frustrated, or crabby, Hezekiah would mournfully remind me that the end of all days was nigh upon us and I needed to stop fretting about my still alive-by-the-grace-of-God-and-Miss-Grace bride, that if I paid attention, "You just might save that scrawny neck of yours along with the tribe and your little missy. Now tell me again what Marcus said about that she-demon Maria."

So I did. Hezekiah scratched his chin, hemmed and hawed a bit and let out a plaintive sigh. "Edward, I can't think of any story that deals with a demon like this in our lore. I'm going to have to ask around."

He shut his eyes, and I assume began his spiritual communion with the committee of geezers and geezerettes as well as any Tom, Dick, and Harry Shaman he could pester in the afterlife. When he came back from wherever he had traveled, he did not appear like a denizen of a happy hunting ground.

"Come on." He walked to the babbling brook and sat on a nearby rock and removed his shoes and socks, and dangled his toes in the water. It became silent as a mime doubtlessly due to choking on the fetid aroma from his feet.

"What is the purpose of this?" I did not like disrobing. For anyone except Bella. Being naked in front of Charles Swan months back fell into that category. I had done it for her. Sheer spite, too.

"To relax. You should try it every once in a century, smarty-pants. Now come here and keep an old man company."

"You are not old."

"Am so."

"I'm older."

Hezekiah offered me a chuckle and said, "Dog years don't count, my boy. You are on the way to becoming a man. But you aren't there yet. Now stop your griping and take off your shoes and socks. The water isn't going to melt your toes off. Grace keeps it at a nice temperature for my arthritis."

I heard my pet croon in that soothing note that always made my pounding temples feel slightly better. She ruffled my hair while she was at it, and with an invisible hand reminded me that I needed to get another haircut as she preferred it short. So reluctantly, I turned my back and removed my boots and socks while marveling once again at the thick curtain of green-golden moss that hung from the trees in his grove. He had put down more wildflowers again around his chair. Careful not to stomp on them on my way to the brook, I gingerly took a seat beside him on the flat rectangular rock that acted like a bench. By the laws of vampire nature, I should not be able to be affected by the cold or heat. But lately I had noticed it more and today was no different. The water felt pleasant.

"Jenny says she's happy to see you and Bella talking. She wanted me to also tell you that giving Bella your Grandma's ring was inspired."

"Thank you, Jenny." I would have to remember to put a fresh batch of flowers on her grave. "Um, do you have any suggestions?"

Hezekiah cricked his neck to the left listening to the wind and the water and his wife. After ten seconds he said, "She thinks your little missy needs help dealing with all those lies Liam and Genevieve and Jericho told her. President Roosevelt thinks you should marry Bella tomorrow."

I gulped. That would be prudent, provided I could remain conscious long enough for the ceremony. The ever-increasing crowds of immortals that attempted to contact her daily might go away. Since word of our engagement had spread, they had sent enough business to the florists in the area to keep them quite occupied for months.

Thucer enjoyed vaporizing the arrangements that Mother could not send to one of Father's patients, a resident of a nursing home, teacher, elderly shut in, dying child, or other deserving person. Reverend Weber's church looked like a mad wedding planner had attacked it due to the sheer variety of bouquets crammed around the altar. We even sent some to the Stanley and Newton households in desperation. Bella wanted nothing to do with the blossoms, and suggested we simply forward the parcels to couples listed in the paper that had announced their engagements, weddings, or anniversaries.

Marcus insisted we stop being so generous after the third day, fearing it would call unnecessary attention to Bella in the human community. His troops discreetly accepted the floral arrangements and destroyed them. Mary Alice and Rosalie wrote the thank you notes on her behalf in pristine Oscan.

After receiving another haircut from the King of the Lost Covens, I donned an outfit that my brothers selected for me and sat on a garden bench by my dear little one long enough for a proper photograph to be taken. In it we were both smiling and holding hands. Mother posted an engagement announcement in the local paper. Arria and her brothers dealt with the inappropriate counter-offers of other marriages, seeing as I was considerably occupied.

"Stop daydreaming." Hezekiah dragged me from floral and engagement musings back to the grotto. "Jenny says that you need to marry Bella when she's ready. Both she and I think that she is not right now with her heart and weight and bad dreams and all. Besides, Jenny says it might spook her."

"How"

"She might get the idea you're marrying her because you think that you two are going to die."

She would totally think that. Maybe. I had a challenging time figuring out my dear little quiet one lately. When conscious, I hung on her every word. I lived for her infrequent smiles.

"Edward, trust takes time. Maybe if you help her find out what Liam was up to at the farm that might be a good idea. It would get you two out of the house. Arria is so secretive about that place that you definitely wouldn't have lots of company."

"Good idea. If only I could stay awake long enough." Bitterly ironic that. Lucky me, I got to spend hours in bed with Bella, without spending hours in bed with Bella.

Hezekiah went from calm to all-business. Rapidly he said, "You do look tuckered out. I'm going to have Grace take you home now. Bye, son. Say hi to Bella for me." He shouted through a cupped palm, "Don't forget to work on that _talking_ part of courtship."

My family became concerned because Bella would awaken and not be able to rouse me, not that way deviant, alas, to a state of consciousness. Without fail Arria, the Gorgon, even Marcus and the King of the Lost Covens tried to drag me into the not-quite-mortal realm. When I did awaken of my own accord, I faced a plethora of questions. I had no choice but to take a mid-day nap and Bella insisted on supervising. Finally, I felt well enough to help work with the tribe for a few hours a day.

With the nightly bouts of training with Hezekiah, followed by daily sessions with the wolves and legionnaires, time flew. To keep her out of trouble, Bella accompanied me at all times, except for when I was with Hezekiah. Then, from what Grace observed, Bella guarded me. It was now April. Maria's forces had not set a toe in the State of Washington. Marcus seemed content with his plan to make her come to us.

With spring in the air, I took advantage of the wildflowers that bloomed in the Park to offer to my bride as we took daily walks to see the avalanche lilies, white bog orchids, and purple lupine that bejeweled the mountains. Now that Bella was feeling better and officially engaged, swarms of couture adorned bootlickers descended upon the mansion to pay their formal regards and swear eternal devotion to the Telecles clan. Snotty aristocratic manners dictated that Bella and Mary Alice had to attend.

Stupidly, I asked if we could spare her from the drudgery of daily audiences and make this more efficient somehow. Marcus smiled and offered me an answer that made me want to flee. Unfortunately, being the not-quite-mate and all but definitely Real-to-me-Fiancé, Marcus left it to me to impart the news to my dear little recalcitrant one. I would have rather chewed shards of a vampire blade or nine like a corn on the cob. And Bella probably would have joined me at the bitter picnic.

I waited for her to emerge from the closet. She wore clothes that were hanging on her making her appear like a melting scarecrow. A captivating one. How does one tell one's bride that her clothes do not fit? Moreover, that I was not letting her step outside of the room in that sagging outfit? She'd trip over her pants and break her neck in three feet flat. Rosalie had warned me that human women were sensitive about their weight. Since the announcement of our engagement, Bella had gained another seven pounds. She still had ten more to go, fifteen if I had my vote.

"I know." Her lips trembled as she stared morosely in the mirror.

"You know what?"

"I have nothing to wear. Nothing that fits."

I searched through my desk drawer and found a tape measure.

"Here."

"That will help me, how?" She stared at it grumpily.

"You loathe shopping."

"True."

"Marcia the saleswoman at the mall said if I gave her your measurements she would purchase attire for you and bring it to the house whenever we wanted. Your measurements have changed. We need to take them again."

"I liked the clothes she brought the last time."

She snatched the tape measure from my hand at a speed she should not have been able to accomplish. Bella marched into the bathroom with a paper and pencil, the tape measure draped across her shoulder.

"Allow me?" Accuracy was important, after all. I could not have her wearing ill-fitting attire.

Mother mentally explained to me the measurements that should be taken and walked me through the process of modestly measuring my mate. And she encouraged me not to comment on any of the numbers that I wrote. I had the most astounding vampire mother of them all. She was available on call for consultations about women. Who knew?

I used the Marcus-vine to see if Jane was available. She knocked on the bedroom door. I bade her to enter.

"You skulked?" She teased in a deadpan voice at vampire pitch. That was followed by a cheery, "Hello, Bella. I wish I had more clothes to loan you."

Jane's age-over had caused her to grow significantly taller. Bella had outgrown all the outfits she had given to her.

Bella searched for words, and finally said, "I am not heavy enough to fit into my regular clothes, and all the others are too tight. Edward has a personal shopper. Would you please shop for me? I trust your taste."

Mary Alice was going to sulk. If she had her way, Bella would be dressed in frilly French outfits with something called kitten heels for crying out loud. Elevated footwear of any kind, much less ones made out of infant cats, would be inappropriate. By picking Jane, Bella ensued that Mary Alice would most likely not interfere. My dear little peach seemed back at her game.

"I will take pictures of things and send them to you with my phone to see if you like them. Would that help?"

"Works for me. I'll give you a pedicure in return every week for a month. Buy more nail polish that you like."

Jane acquired an avaricious gleam that I usually saw before she entered battle. Apparently she really had a penchant for nail lacquer. Women. Chemicals. Never a good mix.

She grabbed her twin and left the house posthaste using my car and credit card with my blessing. I texted Marcia that she had company coming. I could hear Marcia's squeal of delight as she thought of the commission she would make.

"You have that look," Bella examined me warily.

"I?"

"You."

"And what look would that be?"

"Like you are regretting the axe you are about to swing. Out with whatever bad news you have." Drat.

"We're both being sentenced to a metaphorical chopping block. I'll perish only at your side, my Queen."

"What are you talking about?"

"We have to . . ." I swallowed, "make an appearance - seeing as we are engaged - to converse politely with allies of Marcus."

"We've been doing that every day."

"Lots of them all at once."

"Ew."

"Oh, I know. It is positively barbaric," I fervently agreed.

"I vote we barricade ourselves in the attic and let Grace handle the crowd." This was the perfect woman. Really.

"If you endure one visit with me at your side, I will ask Marcus if we can spend a week at my house at the lake."

"Two weeks."

My dear little one. She wanted to hide with me for two weeks alone.

Her hands shook. I took them in my own.

"Edward, they think I don't notice that they stare at me like I'm a piece of meat. Or some kind of demon." To the human-blood dependent ones she definitely was not a piece of meat, she was a small pitcher of blood. But Jugurtha insisted that explaining that point to her would most likely result in hysterics.

"Bella, they look at everyone that way, even each other. If it is anyone that they do not like it is me. I am not considered worthy to be married to you."

"Tough."

"That's the spirit."

We found Marcus in Father's study. Both men sipped algae from tea cups and chatted about the good old days of the seventeenth century.

"Hello, Edward, Bella?" Marcus hailed, "How are you this fine day?" He had a handful of messages.

"We agree to the social. We would like, in return, to have time alone at a house I own in the mountains. Two weeks."

"I think a rest at Edward's retreat could not hurt provided you are properly guarded. Five days."

Bella and I counter-offered at the same time, "Seven."

"Agreed. After you come to a gathering at Arria's in two weeks."

We straightened our shoulders, and left the study posthaste before they could coerce us into any more aristocratic ceremonial shenanigans with the Fake Canadians.

"Attic?" Bella sounded hopeful as we reached the bottom of the staircase.

"Definitely," I took her hand. She squeezed mine back.

"The depraved things I do to get alone time with you. You have no idea." I teased.

"Your Mom told me you spent two hours dusting and vacuuming the attic yesterday."

I made no response. She had been involved in a pedicure with Jane.

"It already seemed pretty clean up there the last time we went, Edward."

"You are allergic to dust. I did not want anything to make you sneeze."

Grace had helped me incinerate the dust mite-encrusted wedding gowns of my Grandmother and late Mother. Father had packed the trunks for me all those years ago. I had no idea why people saved old clothing. It was not hygienic. Really, it was not like either one of those blessed ladies would be wearing the garments or would give a fig what I did with them. By the time we were done, Grace and I had emptied three trunks' worth of vintage attire that had belonged to my human family.

I had only hung on to one outfit, and that I had asked Mother to have professionally cleaned. It was the suit and tie I remembered wearing on Sunday mass, all those years ago. The one Starched Shirt Edward sported every day of our eternal life. He had been most insistent that he would pitch an epic hysteria fit if I had tossed it. So in thanks for his services rendered, I spared it from the ash heap of my mortal life.

"Thanks." Bella drew me from my recollections. We had reached the attic.

"Anything for you, my Queen." I opened the doorway that led to the narrow staircase, "after you."

"You put in skid proofing," her feet swept over the rubber patches experimentally. "Thanks."

She stopped when she reached the top of the stairs.

"Edward?" She craned her neck taking in the room. I had, ahem, made a few other changes, with some help from my family.

"Yes?"

"What . . . why?" She pointed.

"Emmett said you and I were acting like we had cabin fever, so your uncles and their mates, even Arria helped, along with our family."

Under Mother and Emmett's supervision, the entire attic had been redecorated and reorganized. Cardboard boxes gathered dust, so the family had repacked everything into a custom-built by Rosalie and Emmett wooden system of drawers, trunks and closet space. It had freed up over half the attic. The windows had been cleaned, the wooden floors polished with beeswax, and a new lighting system had been installed that mimicked natural sunlight. Emmett had insisted on ensuring that the room was adequately ventilated so it would be warm in the cold months and cool in the summer.

"Your trains?" Bella marveled.

"I had them shipped from Chicago."

We stood before one wall that contained floor to ceiling maple shelves that were filled with my model train collection. I had spent an hour setting one up on the floor with pillows scattered around.

Sitting on the floor, there was a wrapped box with a bow on it addressed to me. I had not put that there. With burning hand, I was about ready to vaporize it fearing it represented another demonic love note from Maria when Bella yelped, "It's from me."

"What is this?"

"You will have to open it and see."

Carefully, I lifted the box's lid, and stared at it, astounded. It contained a Lionel train set, from 1917.

"I had been trying to find this for you as a gift for the past few weeks."

"A what?"

"You know one of those things they give you on your birthday."

"My birthday is not until June."

"I know. I was worried it would take a while to find one, so Jasper helped me search while you were asleep on his laptop. I wrapped it and asked Arria to help me hide it by storing it at her place. My uncles forgot about the giving it to you in June part and thought you should have it now. Happy early birthday, Edward."

"I do not know," I handled the set reverently, "how you did this, but this was the one set that I had wanted the most. Thank you, Bella."

"Really?"

"It was a special edition, built to honor the Great War. I wanted to enlist. My Mother vehemently opposed it. I did not want to hurt her feelings by purchasing the set. And then . . ." That whole reign of death and destruction part that swept my family into the winds.

Not many women that I knew of, fine, not a single woman I knew would want to play with an old train set. Except mine. Woman, that is.

"I hope it does not bring up bad memories."

"No, it does not. Only happy ones of carefree days. I had a very happy mortal life."

"Would you like to set it up?"

"Yes. Can I show you the rest of the attic first?"

"There's more?"

Led by me, Bella walked to what had been Mother's labor of love, a room Esme had created under the eaves. Against one wall of the narrow space, she had put a daybed, covered in white fabric, and numerous cushions. A modest flat screen television hung above a cherry cabinet filled with movies, CDs, books, and enough board games to keep us occupied for hours. Jasper had made sure that our wireless network worked so we could use our laptops.

A symbolic touch, Mother had even added French doors, to give the illusion in a house full of immortals, that the room was private. Whenever we were here, I most definitely planned on using my gift to ensure we had that luxury. Since the visit with Marcus' mother, Arria had backed off of insisting that we be guarded at all times in case I fursploded into a European werewolf.

"How did they do this without me knowing?"

"Bella, you sleep like the dead. And you and I have spent most of our time asleep these past few weeks."

She fingered the coverlet. "Did Agatha embroider this?"

"No. Teitu and Ella Joy did."

"Get out." She stopped me before I left. "That means, 'no way,' or 'you're kidding me.'"

"Oh," my cheeks crimsoned. "These idioms, sometimes I do not know them."

"Why would Teitu do this?"

"He wanted to make something for you. He knew you were taking embroidery lessons, so his wife taught him. They're teaching all the other Telecles men now."

Bella covered her mouth and shook her head in disbelief.

"Edward, our family is insane. Of all the skills I would predict the newborns to have, needlework is not at the top. This is better than anything I could do." She whistled in admiration.

Now on that matter, I would most definitely have to agree. About the sewing and the newborns. On the insanity, I'm sorry to say, it only ran in her family.

"I am afraid we will have to spend time up here or their feelings will be hurt."

She snapped her fingers in mock dismay. "Golly. Somehow," Bella took my hand and pulled me to the daybed, "I think we will manage. Where did the newborns stash the sex toys?" She said that verbal semi-tractor trailer so benignly. I think I might have appeared like I was going to faint and made an unmanly splutter or three.

Bella reached up on her tiptoes and poked me in the chest, "Gotcha." Then, amiably, she suggested, "How about a friendly game of poker?"

"Prepare to be vanquished, little girl."

"That's the spirit, big guy," Bella began to deal the cards.

She beat me four games in a row. Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep and she joined me. Rosalie became concerned when we did not answer the call to come downstairs for dinner, and found us asleep, Bella curled around me like a scarf.

Rosalie shook us awake and mentally said to me, _"It's sweet, Edward, even when you are both out like a light, she's been guarding you these days. Whatever you're doing, keep it up."_

I had no idea how to respond to that. I always knew we got along fine when she was sound asleep.

Brutal did not even begin to describe the next eight days. The entire committee decided to take turns assisting in my training. President Roosevelt had his stick back out and I had to practice mentally batting it away while Quanah Parker and Sitting Bull both rushed me from different sides. Sacajawea always preferred the sneak attack, and Cherokee moved almost as fast as I did. Hezekiah insisted that I was showing progress; however, despite the number of times I had been thwacked across the skull courtesy of the late President or gleefully sacked by one of the other geezers or geezerettes. Hezekiah insisted that I had greater control of my powers and that they had increased in strength as well. I would have to take his word for it. I felt too tired to think.

I awoke in the dark confused.

Hezekiah had broken off mid-sentence from yet another merciless training session and had transported me home. Something must be wrong. He would not have sent me back so quickly otherwise seeing as we were only halfway through a lesson. Muscles whimpering, fumbling in the dark, I found her side of the bed still warm. I rolled over and bit back a groan. My chest throbbed like someone had decided to drop a set of spiked barbells on it a time or nine, and it hurt to breathe. Worse, I smelled adrenalin and it did not belong to me.

Extending my senses, I found her almost crouching in the bathroom, behind a closed door. Bella's heartbeat galloped and she seemed to be having trouble breathing. I decided manners could wait - her welfare was more important, proper respiration, too - and opened the locked bathroom door. Hezekiah and Jenny said so. It was seven in the morning.

Wearing a dark purple nightgown, hair unbound, Bella stood in front of a tub of warm water, shaking and rubbing at her upper arms. I did not see any sign that Maria had managed to sneak in any unwelcome gifts of flowers or other irritating blood splattered demon-cursed accessories. Nor had the steam manifested into some fiend. Since my dear little shaking one did not order me from the room, I struggled to think of something to say more eloquent than, "ouch," as my head decided to remind me that it hurt.

Bella stared at the tub like it was about ready to transform into an army of howling goblins and feast upon her. Both hands cupped her pendant. I could see its light through the pink skin of her palms outlining her bones.

"Bella, you are crying." Brilliant observation. That. "What is it?" There. That sounded better.

Slowly, I approached and stood at her side. Her eyes were red-rimmed, she had her lips mashed together so hard they appeared white. The scar on her chin from that horrible day stood out, a memento of times best left forgotten. She said nothing so I used Jasper's favorite ruthless trick with shy victims - I mean conversational partners - and opted to wait.

Bella backed away from the tub another foot. She stammered, "I . . . can't,"

I knelt down in front of her, hands resting on the cool tile floor.

"Can't what?"

Bella used her sleeve to pat the tears from her cheeks. "I'm such a coward." She uttered that like it was the darkest secret she had ever kept and my charred spirit recoiled. This was my fault. And her damned family's, too.

"When I think of Bella Swan, numerous adjectives come to mind. Intelligent."

"Yeah, right. I feel _so_ smart lately. Not to mention perceptive. Go, me." She performed an unenthusiastic fist pump, and then returned to wrapping her arms around her body like paper streamers around a Maypole.

"I do not know of any other eleven-year-old that studied organic chemistry for fun. And you play a superb game of chess."

"That doesn't matter."

"Ah, but it does. I have absolutely no patience for stupid people. When I think of you, Bella Swan, I also think of your strength."

"Cause I can lift rusty trucks like flower petals, right?" Quite possibly, her memory of the truck accident from last year had returned.

"My human Parents taught me that courage is acting despite being afraid. The night of the truck crash, I saw the truck heading towards the trees and jumped into the cab to put my body over yours. I actually had to wrestle you because you were trying to save my life, when I was trying to save yours. Even in the chaos of an accident, you were so brave."

The tile on the bathroom floor reminded me of kneeling on the cold marble floor of the church when I was a small child learning my prayers.

"You," I leaned towards her and cupped her cheeks, "are not a coward. You are a human who lives with lethal vampires as if _that_ were perfectly normal. You treat us like we are people, not fiends, even after all that you have seen. A coward would have run like a comet the second she laid eyes on us. You befriended us."

"Cause I was brainwashed by a dumb journal from a dead man."

Drat. She required more persuasion which necessitated more tactful talking. Ye gads! I began to prattle.

"You could have simply chucked the book at us and ran. You waited instead to make sure. A coward would have left Angela Weber to face that mob alone that night in the orchard."

"Ew." She batted at me.

"You guarded her armed with a rock and an _apple_ against men with guns."

"I knew you would come," Bella broke me with a whisper.

"A coward would have left me to die and ran. You knew I was immortal and still defended me from a murderer."

"Ephraim's journal said you could die. I did not know how. That man could have had silver bullets or something." Oh how she spouted adorable lines that I could not laugh at during the most inconvenient moments. So I hugged her. "And those scumbags totally ruined our first date."

"Bella, a coward would never have agreed to answer a phone call from Victoria, much less meet her face-to-face."

She mumbled in my shoulder, "Cause I thought it was Leah or Seth calling."

"You talked to her. You did not hang up."

"I wanted to know what she wanted so she would go away and leave us alone. Um, I kind of yelled at her about Harry and Sue." I would have to ask about that on another occasion.

"A coward would not have tried to trade her life for that of others."

"Dying is easy, Edward. Living? Not so much."

Tell that to Harry Clearwater, I momentarily considered saying before Jugurtha put the _ixnay_ on that response. So I did the only thing I knew. I held her tighter and caressed her back.

This was so frustrating. I did not know what to do but keep trying. And it hurt to see her so frightened. I had to be calm for her. Really, what else could I say? "Actually, little girl, you should be terrified; a screaming, absolutely insane she-demon is headed for Forks and wants to kill us all and very likely might. Look what one of her kind did to your uncles and aunts. Marry me?" Even I knew better. Besides, I had already proposed. Twice. So I trudged forward through the muck of my conversational cluelessness regarding all things female and most things human.

"A coward would not have _lunged_ atop two children during a vampire mass feeding to save them. A coward would run from the idea of being around young werewolves, yet knowing how dangerous they are as young shapeshifters, you treat your brother and sister and dog no differently. A coward would not have summoned Sergei and his family to come and save the tribe."

I pulled away so I could see her, "A coward would have written me and my family and Leah off, yet you forgave us and gave us a second chance. Why then, would you still call yourself that?"

Something about the water captured her attention. I glanced from her to the deep tub.

The last time Bella had taken a bath . . . well, she had been sick and I had unceremoniously deposited her in there nightgown and all to lower her fever. She had decided with a timely-on-her-part-due-solely-to-pure-luck-yank that I should join her. It would appear tacky if I smiled at that moment. So I maintained a grave demeanor despite the mirth associated with the memory of me declaring she had earned a 'gotcha.' She had more than paid me back in spades for that affront to her dignity.

Bella simply cried.

Knocking politely on the ring I had established around us that afforded us privacy from peering minds, Arria reached out and said to me, _"Good, you did wake up, after all. Bella wants to bathe by herself. Perhaps you should assist her."_

That had to be a harbinger of doom because the anti-June Cleaver of the immortal world actually sounded concerned. Like an ordinary mother would. And her timing was atrocious which must run from her Mother's side.

"_Thank you, madam, for the warning. I am with her now." _

Speaking of frustration, upon further reflection, I had not really observed, I mean supervised – my dear little self-loathing one's showers in the past few months not only because I am a gentleman, but because Arria had been with her and had blocked it. Interfering cold-blooded woman.

Starched Shirt Edward was polishing his shoes, "Remember, our dear little one is afraid of swimming."

"But this is not swimming and she showed no sign of fear in the tub the last time."

My poor bruised peach, she shivered in my arms, and wept on my shoulder for all of seventy seconds before regaining control. Hunched over like Quasimodo, I held her close; afraid if I opened my arms she would fly beyond my reach. Had I the imagination and talent, I wished with all my might I could utter flowery phrases that would bring laughter to Bella's eyes and banish her demons.

When the deity had passed out oratorical prowess, I had not been anywhere near that line. I think I had been held up in the "children should be seen and not heard" queue for double-doses.

Instead, I offered her clunky arguments that had left her in tears.

"I feel the need to remind you that the last time she was in a pool of water Bella drowned." Jugurtha matter-of-factly remonstrated. "The time before that, you probably ruined all her good memories of her swimming lesson by telling her you intended to _kill_ her in the underground cavern." Oh. Right. Idiot. Me, not her.

He held up a hand in warning to Starched Shirt Edward, "Not done yet, and _you_ should keep silent." Starched Shirt Edward went back to devoutly polishing his shoes. Jugurtha continued, "She's had company helping her bathe every day since we returned except today. One wonders why."

"She was too ill to bathe herself and no one wanted to leave her alone, of course."

"Yes, _then_. She's not suicidal now. They are not hiding your razor from her anymore."

The ache that clenched in the region where my heart allegedly functioned made acting almost impossible as it yanked and twisted and ricocheted inside my chest and finally burrowed beneath my bones with poisoned spikes.

Bella interrupted my self-flagellation, "I can do all those things you said without really thinking about it, but I can't take a bath like a _normal_ person. It's pathetic."

While holding Bella, almost like someone had flipped on a radio, I heard voices that I had not detected before, which disturbed me. Despite that whole sound barrier I had constructed around us from prying immortal ears and brains, Bella's uncles were asking at various levels of tact and non-diplomacy what had her so scared and whom she wanted them to kill. Metie already had a sword out. Thucer was reaching across his worried mate for his. Pesna was half dressed and running for the door. Skeevy approached from the library.

And when I momentarily removed my hands, I did not detect their mental presence. Jasper and Mary Alice hunted in the Park, so he could not have ratted her out. When I touched Bella's pale face again, the Oscan chorus, primarily the baritone section, resounded. Arria had the good sense to hold her tongue, and remain in her seat in Father's study. Out of the cacophony, only Skeevy asked Bella in solicitous English if he could help her as the other voices swelled. She cried out, put her hands up over her head, and crumpled into my arms.

"Edward, please, make them stop," she panted.

Panicked, I mentally bellowed in Oscan, _"All of your combined voices are scaring and hurting her poor mind and head. I am with her now. If I need assistance, I will ask. Thank you." _

Discovering the sneaky-on-every-level channel they had used with the assistance of the perturbed Quileute spirits, I slammed down a new shield so hard that Grace and I felt quite satisfied it conveyed a message that Bella and I were not to be disturbed, thank you very much. Even Marcus held his tongue and shushed the Gorgon who wanted to interfere.

Vivinna did not think it _normal_ for someone to be that frightened. Not someone with Telecles blood. She wanted to toughen Bella up. By all the Saints, I was definitely going to have to smack the twenty-first century into that harridan, I mean . . . discuss the "no more random Telecles tests" policy with her.

Head tucked under my chin, Bella said, "How did you do that?" I felt the brush of her lips move against my neck as she spoke.

"Do what?"

"You should not be able to hear them."

"Why?"

"Grandfather Marcus said no one except family could hear."

"I had to touch you to detect them at first, but I can hear them now." I suspect Marcus' rabble-rousing Mother had something to do with that. Or else Bella's gift of boosting my abilities had kicked into overdrive. "I think when I visited with Marcus' Mother she gave me the ability."

"How?"

"Spite." Bella giggled and sniffled into my neck. "She is the most powerful being I have ever encountered."

"More powerful than Great Grandfather?"

"Indeed."

Bella leaned back from me. I could now see her face. "No one has ever mentioned much about her to me."

"She and Vivinna are like this," I made a v-shape with my fingers. "Marcus and Vivinna stayed apart for a thousand years because of a bargain Marcus made with his Mother to bring back your uncles and the legions. I think she has the market cornered on interfering mothers-in-laws for all time."

"Oh. Wow. How did you make their voices go away?" Her necklace started burning a toasty glow that actually felt quite nice.

"I will teach you how. It takes practice and time. But in the meantime, all you have to do is tell them in your thoughts that they are hurting you with their power. They would trip over themselves to stop."

Vampires have such strong gifts that they do not think about how it would work on a human. What is sad is they all probably were muting their abilities.

Jugurtha prodded, "Family history and lesson plans later. Find out about the tub." Right. Good man.

"I have fond memories of that bath tub." I continued, "You pulled me in it, remember? I swore you had earned a 'gotcha.'"

She offered a damp smile as she tugged her sleeve so it went over the base of her palm like a glove and swiped the cloth against her eyes.

"I vote to recreate a good memory. I will even let you dunk me and pretend to be astonished and grudgingly declare you the winner of another 'gotcha.'"

"You're willing to get in the tub?"

"Of course."

"With me?" She said that in such a tentative voice.

I wanted to dig up all her relations and beat their putrefying corpses soundly. Although that was disgusting and repulsive, and quite possibly morally reprehensible. And something I asked Jugurtha to pencil into the calendar.

Without glancing up from the pages, he said, "Fine. But leave that woman Genevieve alone. That would be ungentlemanly of you." He had the tip of his tongue pressed against his upper lip while concentrating. "You have to earn Bella's trust and love, train with Hezekiah and help the tribe, find and kill demonic Maria and dispose of her army, keep the factions of the Lost Covens from trying to claim an alliance with Bella, take the GED, get into Dartmouth despite having missed their deadlines, manipulate Jasper into leaving you alone and minding his own business, have a much overdue discussion with Mary Alice to show our appreciation for her holding her tongue about everything she knows, continue your research on the ever shrinking supply of algae, keep an eye out on Leah and Seth, find out what Liam was up to, put flowers on Jenny's grave, apologize to your Parents for scaring the life out of them lately, and spit on Billy Blacks gravestone and dance with glee under the full moon. When all that has been accomplished, I'll consider penciling in time to desecrate Liam and Jericho's corpses. You really are booked, you know. Now pay attention to her. She asked if you really wanted to bathe with her. Being quiet for two seconds is not reassuring."

"Definitely," I stood and held out my hand, "Bathing in clothing will be _de rigueur_."

Starched Shirt Edward whimpered, "I vote 'yes' so long as you behave yourself and remember our bride is fragile and vulnerable and not to be trifled with."

I refrained from correcting his grammar concerning prepositions. He offered that counsel with a pointedly turned back and continued polishing the shoes. He had a hole in the toe of one of his socks. His sad tone, however, made me gulp.

Starched Shirt Me elbowed Jugurtha, who shrugged and chided him, "One of us has to look to be able to advise and frankly, I like to watch. You have a history of fainting at key moments." With a flourish he teased Starched Shirt Edward, "But please proceed being properly puritanical. And work harder on polishing that other shoe. Put some elbow grease into it."

I lifted her so that she was at eye level. Bella leaned her forehead against mine. "They'll think I'm silly."

"Bella, if they all had to ask you what was wrong, that means they could not detect anything except that you were afraid. I shielded the room from everyone including the Telecles clan. _They_ will never know. Grace is watching over us." Grace offered a croon that Bella heard with a slight jerk.

"Hi Grace, not my best moment right now."

Grace caressed Bella's head gently, ruffling her hair.

Bella did a double-take when I used my gift and showed her the power rings that surrounded us.

"You did that?" She marveled.

"Yes."

"For me?" Her voice cracked.

"Of course."

My dear little distressed one asked after my empathic sibling, "What about Jasper?" Again, I searched the house for him.

"Grace says he is out of the house hunting with Alice twenty miles away. Bella, this is between you and me. I will not tell anyone."

Her whisper sounded with newborn hope, "Promise?"

"Promise."

"Are you sure?"

"You have my word. Bella, _telling_ would involve talking," I shuddered as images of conversational crucifixion whirled before me, "Inordinate amounts of conversing. They would drag me in front of both families, and that Dr. Jung, and . . ."

Bella understood how much I hated to speak. She could trust me at least on that much. It perturbed Dr. Jung to no end that she had not said one word to him during their sessions about anything of consequence. They played chess and she trounced him at poker.

"Right. Thanks."

Rising from the floor with her in my grasp, I put her down so she could stand. She placed her hand in mine and I stepped into the water. Bella wore a long-sleeved dark purple nightgown Rosalie had bought for her that covered from the throat to her ankles. This was appropriate. She had on more clothing that the bathing costumes of my time. I lifted her by the waist as her eyes widened like sunflowers. I held her above the water.

"I am not letting you touch the water until you say so. And I will not let you go."

In a shaky voice, she whispered, "Okay."

"Okay, what?"

She pointed her toes. "Can I test the water with a toe?"

"Of course," I lowered her. She dipped the tip of one into the warm water and whisked it back.

"Is the temperature satisfactory?"

"It's fine."

"See? You are still here," I soothed. "I should probably be screaming 'I'm melting' right about now," I teased her about her favorite movie _The Wizard of Oz_. I do not think she heard me.

"Put me down, please." She had her hands wrapped around my shoulders, white-knuckled fingers digging into me. "No, wait!"

I stilled. She rested her head against my chest, listening to the rhythm of my dark heart that matched her immaculate one. After another minute she said, "I'm sorry for being so silly."

"You are not being silly. I can stand here all night."

"The water will get cold. That can't be good for you. Put me down." She sounded sure.

Inch by inch I lowered her into the bath water until she stood on wobbling legs facing me. I moved my fingers from her waist and grabbed her hands.

Acting like we were on a picnic in the Park I suggested, "Bella, why don't we sit?" She sank down with me with such a fierce concentration. One would have thought she was deciphering code or doing calculations.

We sat that way for five minutes. In silence. I held her hands as she kept her eyes at the level of my clavicle and tried to slow her breathing. My thumbs brushed the inside of her palms. I felt the call of the past for a split second.

_During his veterinarian days, I had visited Emmett at school. He had been examining a dog, a Newfoundland if I recall, that had been brought in after being beaten by its owner, whom after owning the dog for two months, had decided the school could keep him. _

_I remember asking Emmett, "What are you doing?"_

"_I am showing the dog that not all people are cruel. He's been abused for a few months, but time and patience will be the best medicine." The dog kept his eyes lowered but his ribs heaved as he panted. Emmett said, "Come here Edward and help."_

"_Help? How?"_

"_Pet his muzzle and be nice. You know what it is like to be scared. Right?" Indeed, I did. I held my hand out and the dog tried to scoot off the examining table. That was one smart dog recognizing a predator._

"_Let him sniff you, first. Make a fist." I did, and the dog gave an experimental whiff and then went back to panting. Emmett and I sat with the animal for two hours. _

I could not get the image of that dog's eyes, hopeful, resigned, and fearful all at once, out of my head. Jugurtha had said months ago that people improved if they discussed their fears out loud.

"Bella, can you tell me what you were thinking when you stared at the water?"

"Bad stuff." A motor mouth she was not.

Wanting to reassure her, and avoid crushing her fingers in the process, cautiously, I squeezed her hands. "Bella?"

"Yes?" She sounded ashamed. I changed tactics.

"How have you been keeping yourself clean all these months?"

"Three minute showers or spit baths."

How peculiar. She certainly had not smelled like her saliva. Perhaps I was losing my sense of smell, vampirically speaking?

"Has a tub been stalking you in your dreams?" I inquired seriously. "If you want, I will have this removed and your uncles and I will tear it to pieces and burn it on the front lawn for offending you."

She splashed me. "No."

Nonchalantly, I struck, "So why did you take a bath today?" And wow. Just that like, she spat out the answer.

"Because I'm tired of being scared all the time. I thought it would be no big deal. I didn't want to be a baby."

"Correct me, please, if I am wrong. You, who have a long history of hydrophobia, are beating yourself up months after having survived a horrific attack that resulted in you drowning," my voice caught, "in a large body of water? And that makes you a coward, how?"

Silence greeted my words like an old acquaintance.

"As long as I can remember, I have had nightmares of drowning. It felt exactly like the dreams," Bella said, eyes squeezed shut. It was a good thing I was immortal and her lids closed, because I stared slack-jawed for a micro moment before I morphed my countenance into a solemn one.

I tried to expunge the image of her lifeless body being tossed in the ocean like a leaf from my mind. Bella jumped as if zapped by a spark and gawped at me.

"What?"

"Did you really see that?"

She did not bother to disguise her panic. And dammit she had read my mind at a most inopportune time. I asked the Quileute spirits at immortal pitch if they would consider shielding my traumatized bride from my thoughts until further notice. And they were quite happy to assist me after seeing her reaction.

On general principle, I avoided telling the truth about me whenever possible, as Dream Edward was so much easier to act. But in this I was caught. She had already seen the image and she had recoiled, so Responsible Engaged Me needed to check on her welfare. I could not take it back from the inaccessible-to-me maelstrom that roiled about in her skull. Why Fate had me fall in love with a woman whose mind I could not read . . . never mind, I totally deserved that.

Each word had to be dragged kicking and screaming like a child having a fit from me, "Yes. I saw and felt it as if I were inside you."

Her lips made movements as if she intended to speak, yet no sound emerged.

She squeezed her eyes shut and put her hands to her head. "God. I'm so sorry." More tears fell from her.

"Whatever for?"

"I would _never_ want anyone to feel what I did on that day. Edward, I swear I didn't mean for you to."

Every tear she cried felt like someone speared me between the shoulders. She definitely got that "I'm going to bolt" demeanor about her.

Damn and blast! I pulled her into my lap. Hang propriety.

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for. Genevieve made sure I saw and felt that. She wanted me to come home to help you."

"Oh."

I tilted her face up to me, "I have trod this earth for over a century, yet I have never seen and endured anything so terrifying. Bella . . . I cannot lose you like that again." My voice broke like glass. I cleared my throat and did my best not to add to her distress by weeping. I shook her a little for emphasis, "You matter. To me. And to your family."

I remember her saying that to me once. So like the thief I was by nature, I looted it and used it on her. But I meant every purloined syllable.

"Bella, the sight ran in your family. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you were dreaming about that day?"

"I have never dreamed about the future before."

"Yes you have. I did not realize until later."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you were sleeping one night you sat up in bed and made a drawing. You slept through the entire thing. I put it away because you never mentioned it."

I asked Grace if she would mind bringing the drawing to us. It dangled in the air in front of Bella.

"Edward, what is that?"

"That is a detailed drawing of a work of art that is in Marcus' quarters in Italy. I had never seen it until that day. Neither, I am quite sure, had you."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Bella, I thought you remembered. You dreamt for over a decade about people chasing you in the woods – and all along your family was spirit walking looking for you."

"Oh."

"Now that your nightmare about water has happened, and you survived, I think you deserve a new beginning."

She met my pleading glance and I would have given almost anything to be able to understand her in that moment. "Right. It's only a tub."

I could take a hint. Sometimes. Time to change the topic.

"Emmett enjoys trying to dunk and splash me, would you enjoy fighting a water war?" Jugurtha slapped a hand against his forehead and muttered that he had worked so hard with me for me to act like a moron.

She tried to flick water at me, but her heart was not in it.

"I am a doctor. Twice over. I went to medical school twice." Why I babbled redundantly, I have no idea. It made sense at the moment.

"I saw the pictures and the degrees. Impressive. You must be a slow learner. I'll be happy to tutor you when we get to college."

My little grandmaster was rallying. "In some things, I certainly am."

Like that whole talking business. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I did not know what to say. And she was so scared. And pantomiming a calm demeanor required considerable acting reserves. The sooner her bath was over the sooner she would cease being frightened.

I blurted, "I've seen you naked when treating you when you were ill. If you want to remove your gown, I will help you bathe. I promise, of course, to be a perfect gentleman and remain clothed. Professional."

I expected her to push me away and leap from the tub, yet still she remained. Like a sinner's last prayer, I held her against my heart, and waited for a sign.

"Fine."

She shifted in my lap and turned her back to me and nodded. "I can wash myself. I just need help with the water part."

Bella raised the gown's hem to her thighs. I lifted her by the hips and pulled the garment over her head and tossed it on the tile floor. It landed with a smack, scattering drops on us both. The water and her long hair covered her breasts, but she drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Shh," I pulled Bella against me. The muscles around her shoulders were tense.

"Would you like a towel?"

"What for?"

"To cover yourself with, if that would make you more comfortable. Think of it like a hospital gown." I acted as if I discussed the weather.

"You've seen it all before. What's the point?"

"The point is to make sure you are as comfortable as possible."

"Oh. No. Thanks." She tightened her grip on her legs doing the closest thing to fetal position you could do while remaining seated.

No pressure. I had to become Edward Cullen Master Bather Extraordinaire.

Tentatively, I stroked my hands across her knotty shoulders in circles. That seemed to please her. Ten minutes later, I asked, "May I wash your back, my Queen?"

"If you do it like that," she murmured.

I reached for the bar of soap and spent fifteen minutes simply massaging Bella's shoulders, then her upper arms. I used the washrag to rinse her. The scar tissue on her shoulder, courtesy of Victoria, waved a lace handkerchief at me wearing a dull red hue. Bella surprised me then.

"Don't let me go?" She sat up straight and crossed her arms across her chest. Cautiously, Bella lowered her shoulders back into the water, staring at me as her head partially sank. She jumped a little when the back of her skull touched the water.

"Never." I whispered as I halted her descent. I kept my eyes on hers and a hand under her nape as I gingerly dampened the top of her head. She shot up and hunched her shoulders, water dripping into her eyes, so I quickly offered her a hand towel. My dear little ferocious one reached for the bottle of shampoo. I kept my hands on her back tracing patterns against her skin as she washed her hair. Her ribs showed. She did not even resemble, however, the wraith she had been in November. Her physical therapy had helped give her muscle mass in her arms and legs. And she –

"Can you help me rinse it?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just don't let go."

I held her as she dipped her head back and said, "You are doing fine."

By some miracle, I had kept my word and had not peeked once. She still wore her panties and I was not about to encourage her to remove them.

Jugurtha said, "She has given you not just an olive branch but an entire limb by trusting you with this."

I did not need Jugurtha to tell me that Bella had given me the tremendous gift of trust. Her scars from her most recent surgery had faded, more so than they should have in an ordinary human.

Starched Shirt Edward wiped at his eyes and forehead, having kept his back to us the entire time. "Our poor dear little wet one."

I ran my fingers across the initials on her shoulders left by Victoria several times, but did not let them linger. Acting as if they were not there seemed to be the appropriate course of action as she had not stiffened. I used my hands to feel if she had all the shampoo out of her hair and reached for a towel. We stood and I wrapped the thick cotton over her body. Bella tucked the end of the fabric so that it would remain in place, and pulled her wet hair out from under it.

"How are we going to explain the wet clothes?"

"You dunked me and I pulled you into the tub. No one can hear us, remember? So no one will know otherwise."

Afraid of tearing her hair, I squeezed the water from it as carefully as I could with Jugurtha giving directions.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?" She was already pulled flush against me, face buried in my sopping shirt. And I thanked heaven for once that my unseemly urges had minded their manners.

She kissed my wet chest. "Thank you," Bella said into the shelter of my trunk.

It felt like her lips branded me through the fabric with a touch of phosphorous. I flipped the switch with my foot that would cause the tub to drain and we stood there listening to the water sulk away.

"Are you ready to get out?"

"Yeah, I am."

She took a step. I held her as she climbed from the tub and did not let go even when I joined her on the tile floor. I did not want to make a big production of things, so I stared at my hands on her waist. Hers covered mine. She offered them both a squeeze and stepped away. And I let her go, and forced my greedy palms to fall to my sides. Acting as if I ordinarily trailed water all over the bathroom, I offered her my back and reached for the shaving cream.

Bella left the bathroom and changed in the walk-in closet. Not that it mattered with my gift, not that _she_ knew that, mind you. But I kept my word and did not peek until I was sure she was clothed by the sound of things. She wrapped a towel around her hair.

I tossed Bella's nightgown from the floor into the tub, and mopped up the water from the ceramic tile floor with a towel. She could slip, otherwise. I moved at wolfpyre speed, and tossed the damp cloth atop her gown. Then I began to shave my face. I was, I vowed with the first pass of the razor, contrary to Chief Swan's description, definitely mature enough to shave. As I finished, I heard a knock behind me and answered, "Yes?"

"Here."

Bella had covered her shoulders with a dry towel like a shawl over the light yellow gown she wore. She held a stack of clean clothes for me. Taking them from her and placing them on the cabinet, I bent slowly watching her to see if she would bolt the entire time. I kissed her on the top of the head.

"I am the luckiest man on the planet to have you as my wife."

"You are shamelessly flattering me, Sopping Wet Fiancé. I'm not your wife yet."

"Guilty as charged, my Queen." The tips of my ears flamed, matching my face. _And for the record,_ I silently rejoined, _you are indeed my wife. _Aloud, I cleared my throat and blinked bashfully at her. "Ahem, uh, is it working? I have been told women like that."

"Some do."

"Would you happen to be one of them?"

Bella stepped closer to me making eye contact all the while and when my heart pounded in my throat, casually reached around me for a wide toothed comb.

"Stick around and find out, buster."

I was a doctor. Twice. Faking being professional. I chanted that ninety-four times in my mind. I could feel the familiar electricity crackling between us as she grazed against me. I would pick a more convenient time to tell her my name was not Buster because right now, my lips could not have moved even if I had wanted them to. Then she pivoted, winked at me, and walked back into the bedroom hips swaying. Heck, she could call me Buster any time.

"Yes ma'am." Shutting the bathroom door, I slid down against the wood and gasped a time or ten. This talking business was positively exhausting. No wonder I avoided it, although, despite my plodding efforts, it appeared to be working. But still.

At Jugurtha's barked orders, "She needs you. Act like a man," He briskly slapped my face a time or two. "Snap out of it!" Adding insult to injury he tilted my chin and critically scrutinized my mug, "You missed a spot shaving." He thwacked my cheek with a middle finger, "That could scratch her face."

I shaved again at full speed. Now, clean-shaven as a babe, I was ready to face my dear little brave one.

Jugurtha barred me with a muscular arm, "Hold on there a second, my good man."

"You are keeping me from my woman."

Red-faced, wheezing like an old man at the top of a flight of stairs, Starched Shirted Edward appeared apoplectic as he pointed an index finger at me like a brazen sinner in the town square, stunned beyond words. So I ignored the over-reactive twerp. Nattering Nervous Nelly.

"You are buck naked. Frankly, _I_ would have no problems sauntering in there in such a state, but _you_ most uptight one, definitely would. And your bride has a heart condition. Clothes first. Prepare her for the splendor of your naked glory later." Right. I donned the pajamas she had brought me. The underwear too. She had touched my boxers. And lived to tell the tale. I'd have to encourage her to do that again.

"That. Take that one out." Having recovered the ability to speak thanks to a tossed glass of water in the face from Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward pointed to a bottle on the counter. It was one of the collection of mysterious beauty products understood only by women that appeared to mate like rabbits and double every time I left the room. I mentally referred to it as "Bella's junk."

"Why?"

"It says it is for detangling. You could help comb her hair."

Jugurtha concurred, "It would also be a good distraction to give us time to advise you while conversing." Excellent.

Armed with a bottle of hypoallergenic de-tangling Bella's Junk, I corrected my posture and prepared to enter room and speak again. Once or twice. Courage under fire, and all that.

Summoning up my intestinal fortitude, I turned the door knob and entered the bedroom. I would worry about the rest of the world later. My woman, after all, awaited me. She might have a tangle in her hair that required my attention. Demurely, she sat on the bed, cross-legged, the chess board in front of her already set up.

"Want to play?"

I smiled. Most definitely, come to think of it, I did.

**This was the photo that inspired the attic scene in this chapter:**

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/redoneatticroom (dot) jpg

**Snarky Summary:** **Edward enjoys tormenting Charlie about Bella, sex, and their non-existent child. Edward and Charlie discuss marriage. Sort of. Charlie gives his blessing to our young lovers. Kind of. Jasper and Edward bond over a cell phone. Jane agrees to do a favor for Bella, and no one dies. Main Edward is proud that infant cats get to live to breathe another day. As long as it is away from his dear little wheezy one. Hezekiah makes Edward his bitch. Bella and Edward negotiate with Marcus for the right to engage in depraved activities sans entourage in Edward's hidey-hole . . . I mean his house. Marcus agrees provided they perform in public even more depraved deeds. Like conversing with haughty, snotty family members, and aristocrats, too. Bella gives Edward a present. Not that kind of present you gutter-minded deviants. The Cullens and Telecles and Catharnai clans join forces for an attic battle that results in a hide-away for Bella and Edward. All Wet Edward and naked Bella in the tub. No cigarettes afterwards. Edward helps Bella deal with her fear of clothing. I mean water. And he's a perfect gentleman he's very sorry to have to say. Jugurtha, the damn cock-blocker, prevents a repeat of Buck Naked Edward. Thinking of Main Edward and his boxers observation, LJ Summers penned this line in a snarky email, which I saved for the summary, **

"**May I touch them again?, Real Fiancé?"**

**They were still in the drawer, but who was I to argue if she wanted to put her hands in my drawers?"**

**To which I add, "She was my wife. It was her right, after all. She could do with my drawers anything she wanted. Anytime she wanted. I was, of course, talking about her folding laundry. Pervert."**

**Between her and Fantasy Mother, I have the snarkiest betas of them all. **

**This chapter was originally around 32k, but I knew you kind souls would only care about the naked Bella part, so cut the chapter in half. Intimacy comes in four forms: physical, emotional, intellectual, as well as sexual. I wanted to "show" in this chapter that Edward and Bella are definitely growing on three out of the four. I'll post the next one in a few days. I have even more fun coming up. Stay tuned for the next edition of **

**As the GooberWard discerns**

**Please review, Jugurtha says he's willing to strip to his boxers in return. And Douglas is willing to show his collection of Edward's nuts. **

**Closing picture:**

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/greenbench (dot) jpg**

**I have posted a teaser for the next section on the Cullenary Coupling's thread at Twilighted. **

**

* * *

**

**References:**

Glenlivet is a famous brand of whiskey made in Scotland:

http:/www (dot) whisky (dot) com/brands/glenlivet_brand (dot) html

How much can a standard shot glass hold?

http:/www (dot) infobarrel (dot) com/What_is_the_Volume_of_a_Shot_Glass%3F

Antabuse is one of several medications used to treat alcoholism:

http:/alcoholism (dot) about (dot) com/od/meds/Medical_Treatments_for_Alcoholism (dot) htm

There are a whole list of risk factors for alcoholism. Edward was not kidding:

http:/www (dot) mayoclinic (dot) com/health/alcoholism/DS00340/DSECTION=risk-factors

The history of smallpox in the United States is depressing:

http:/www (dot) emedicinehealth (dot) com/smallpox/article_em (dot) htm

This is a cathedral built in the 13th century in France that Bella likes the

Cathédrale Ste-Cécile of Albi: http:/www (dot) sacred-destinations (dot) com/france/albi-cathedral

The stained glass windows at Chartes are gorgeous:

http:/www (dot) paradoxplace (dot) com/Photo%20Pages/France/Chartres/Charlemagne_Window/Charlemagne_Window_07 (dot) htm

This is an awesome article on the origin of the phrase, 'happy hunting ground.'

http:/www (dot) straightdope (dot) com/columns/read/2094/did-native-americans-really-believe-in-the-happy-hunting-grounds

and on dog years as well:

http:/www (dot) straightdope (dot) com/columns/read/370/is-it-true-one-dog-year-equal-seven-human-years

There really is such thing as a maypole.

http:/www (dot) chiff (dot) com/home_life/holiday/May-Day (dot) htm

Bathing in clothing really wasn't all that unusual in Edward's generation. See?

http:/www (dot) ocf (dot) berkeley (dot) edu/~roseying/ids110/WHIS (dot) HTM

Here's a picture:

http:/www (dot) victoriana (dot) com/Womens-Fitness/Beach/suit-8 (dot) htm

They really did make a 1917 edition of a military train:

http:/www (dot) collectorsweekly (dot) com/model-trains/lionel-prewar

Hydrophobia is real:

http:/www (dot) merriam-webster (dot) com/dictionary/hydrophobia

And can be treated:

http:/www (dot) healthcentral (dot) com/anxiety/c/22705/71074/aquaphobia-water


	62. HOD pt 51 Moonstruck Madness

**Jugurtha says hello!**

**http:/ballyhooligan**** (dot) files (dot) wordpress (dot) com/2009/09/calvin-klein (dot) jpg?w=280&h=280**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this chapter. More than once. Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for pre-reading and generally being a fantastic friend.**

**Thanks to VJGM my senior validating beta who tempts me with Glee and 80's music. Mwa-hah-hah.**

**Many thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Shout outs to my muses! **

**Mizra, Merrisol, TraceyJ, elphabacy35, JaJiTaXx, Fanficreader83, photogal, Rogue, notmyself, kimboacp, vampiremom1221, akemi, PJ Austin, Solenoidbelle, star574, Mutt N. Feathers, TwilightMomofTwo, hunnybmom, Erica Keber, ChulaB, CindyWindy, prettyflour, Lady Dragona, mamato, jmolly, RosalieSmiled, writz, mortangel, JB30, stykks, avidreader69, purplemadDragon, LJ Summers, Angelbach, luv4edwardcullen, favludo, wtvoc, and 8oh3.**

**I saw this picture – and it inspired this chapter. Thanks to Mizra for turning it into a banner for me. I've posted it on my profile.**

**http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/HauntinglyBeautiful-500x300B (dot) jpg**

**Snarky Summary: Main Edward earns a private chortle or two by jerking Charlie's chain when Bella announces to the family that they really are engaged. Jugurtha is in awe of Bella's rhetorical strategies in parental management. Charlie decides to offer his blessing since he does not want to upset his daughter's heart, and thinks since she's young she'll ditch Edward in a week anyway. Parents. *snorts* Edward makes the ultimate sacrifice to show fraternal affiliation in offering Jasper access to Bella's phone. He's sure that Maria will come a-calling and thinks that it's only fair that Jasper have the first shot at the wench. Edward is awfully fair like that. Jane manages to, without lifting a finger, outmaneuver Alice on the fashion front and gets to go shopping for the needs new clothes due to that whole gaining weight issue Bella. While curled up sleeping with his dear little wheezy one, Hezekiah makes Edward his bitch – I mean seriously trains him to be able to use those powers. Not that he thinks it will help seeing as they've never faced a demon like Maria before. But proper preparation never hurt anyone. Except Edward, who can't seem to stay awake – and he didn't even have sex to cause this problem. Life is SO unfair. In exchange for engaging in a public display of political shenanigans at Arria's crib, Bella and Edward negotiate with Marcus for the right to engage in depraved activities sans entourage in Edward's hidey-hole . . . I mean his house. **

**The Telecles and Catharnai clan come over to the mansion with serious plans on their minds and no one dies. Except a few dusty boxes as the entire family gets together to create a new hangout for Edward and Bella. Main Edward likes the fact that his family thinks it's appropriate for him to sleep with his bride in more than one location and affords them privacy to actually have more quality-pressed-against-the-flesh-time. He wonders what is up with Arria seeing as she's no longer engaging in that annoying stalker-like habit of insisting on guarding him and Bella while they sleep. The woman clearly has been working on her boundary issues. **

**Bella gives Edward a present, a mechanical one. Without batteries. Speaking of charged events, Edward has to leave training to deal with Bella having a bathing crises. Much conversation ensues. Bella has a little problem with a new gift that is really freaking her out. And Edward can't have that. No one messes with his dear little wheezy one. Except him. For moral purposes, of course. And for the record, he really regrets his tremendously ill-timed truth telling session all those months ago when he lost his temper and flounced Forks. He's still following the Platinum Rule in their relationship, but bending it a time or two to tell her the truth. He's bewildered why that seems to be working. Edward manages to convince Bella that really, bathing is not that bad, so long as she does it with him. Naked. Sort of. **

**Things you might find helpful to recall from previous chapters are: Machiavelli was not permitted to join the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes although that did not stop him from making some comments about whether or not it is better to be feared than loved. Paula had a little problem with the tribe upon her return. Bella and Edward really hate talking, crowds, and particularly talking in crowds. Don't get Bella started on dancing. She'd rather hang with killers than . . . oh never mind. Edward has from the time he first started interacting with Bella had visions. And you might find it helpful to read You Shook Me All Night Long to refresh your memory on the newborns. Bella expressed concern in the last chapter that people would find out about her panic over bathing. Edward promised her that it was between them, and private, and then convinced her to take her nightgown off. He put the wet clothes in the tub. **

**So as our story resumes, we find out couple in bed.**

**

* * *

**

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty-One – Moonstruck Madness**

"Ow, Edward."

I lay in bed facing Bella. She squirmed from side to side shifting her hips. Which really was not helping me keep still and being able to concentrate on her needs due to that whole wanting-to-nibble-and-possibly-chomp-on-her-neck business. Its ivory column serenaded me there in the moonlight. Bare. Pulse thrumming. I was an animal.

Growling, Jugurtha heartily agreed and suggested and then begged me to lick her jugular. Just once. "We gave up her scent," he reasoned, "not her taste." I pulled her closer, and pondered the possibilities, which led to me feeling all kinds of shame. This had to be for her. Not me.

Mortified, I whispered to her, "It is supposed to at first if you are doing it right. I am really sorry."

It took all I had in me not to let my tongue have its wicked way with her. There. Then. Now. Alas, I had other uses for it. I had to speak first. Women liked that. Despite leading to relational satisfaction, so said the journals I had been perusing of late, it also had the handicap of creating the need for more conversing. Blast!

My dear little warrior woman was not a whiner, "When is this going to feel good like you promised?"

"Honestly?"

She glared at me, "Do I even have to answer that?"

"Ahem, well . . . with enough practice...years?"

She pushed back against my chest, dislodging me with five indignant thumps. "Get out of my bed."

"This is my bed, actually. A little while ago, you told me that 'get out' meant 'no way.' How is it proper English to say, 'no way of my bed?"

"Leave!" She thumped my breastbone with the heel of her palm. "I am no longer in the mood for this lesson. I now have a headache."

"But my dear ..."

"Out. Don't 'my dear' me." She pointed a finger that would have made Starched Shirt Edward proud, "Come back when you can do it right."

"We could try a different position?" I entreated.

Darkly, she muttered, "How is that going to help with the pain bit?"

"You will not know until you try. It takes practice and working together."

She stared at me suspiciously.

"Think about the alternative," Without shame, I played dirty. For moral purposes, of course.

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "We cannot let anyone else do this! It is our right and duty!" Temporarily in a truce, the predator initially nodded, "And tonguing right now is not proper!" My irritatingly large uptight one pronounced. Prudish Pricklypuss.

Jugurtha sniped at him, "What do you _even _know about foreplay?"

"What is that?" Starched Shirt Edward blinked. "It sounds like something naughty that will land us in confession before a priest."

Jugurtha took him by the shoulder and led him off to the library. "Only if you cannot perform it adequately. Come. I have some books to share with you."

"Are they good ones? You know I have discerning taste."

"Oh, definitely. They could keep you handily occupied for years. It is time to further your manly education. We must do this for our bride."

Bella said, "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, why not lay your head in my lap and I will put my hands in your hair? I know you like that."

"Yeah, I really do. It feels nice when you do it that way. Fine."

"You're sure?"

"I'm desperate, Edward. And it feels so big against my head. Overwhelming. I don't know how you handle it." She lay down and snuggled against my thighs. I ran one hand through her hair preparing to guide her.

Emerging from the library Jugurtha clicked his tongue – a reminder I ignored, "He fainted with the first picture from _The Joy of Sex._ I'm letting him wake up on his own, so we have a minute or so. Keep a steady hand. You do not want to crush her skull."

She poked me to obtain my undivided attention. On my shin.

"I know, Bella. Me too. You have no idea. You think I liked living that way for years?"

"Years? Edward, you are over a hundred."

"Years. Thank you for the reminder of my age as I had clearly forgotten it in my befuddled state. You are the first; I have, um, ever. Well, _you know_. Helped with this problem." I whispered that last part due to that strangling sensation in my throat.

"How did you cope?" Her fingers played with the comforter and my knee. "It feels so massive."

"I had to do it by myself, and that probably is why it took so long."

"So could I do this by myself?"

"Well, yes," I stammered, abjectly flustered, "but in theory it works best with two people. At least. Vibrations and all."

Starched Shirt Edward stumbled from the library, tie askew, and tugged at the sleeve of Jugurtha's leather jacket, "Is this _really_ necessary?"

"You don't get a vote in this one, little guy. We're married." The predator scrubbed his knuckles against Starched Shirt Edward's scalp and said, "Please go and pray to the Virgin Mary, that patron saint of marriage for us in this most important moment as we initiate our bride." Starched Shirt Edward sprinted for the prayer bench and started chanting in Latin. Humming, too.

"Wait," she raised up on her elbows, "Don't we have to use protection?"

Starched Shirt Edward increased the volume and speed of his chanting, "I'm trying to protect her with all my might Oh Blessed Mother." Egads.

"Protection?"

"You know so we don't end up catching what Paula had?"

"Yes, that was bad. I will be careful for both of us," I assured her.

"Good, because I'm definitely not getting treated for _that_ by your Father. It would be really hard to hide from my Dad, Seth, and especially Leah. Arria would go crazy. If you think she's bad now…..And if word got out among the other immortals? Goodbye reputation. They'd definitely be standing in line."

Three floors below my family listened in wearing various expressions of shock, awe, and incredulity.

"Edward and Bella," Emmett said, "With her heart? He'll kill her."

I had no idea how what we were doing would result in her _death_. Really, the man was over-reacting. Perhaps I gulped back a mouthful a venom a time or two, but I had this under control. I tried to raise the privacy shield but our lesson would not work if I did that. Not properly. I could not do both at once. Drat. Now Marcus was, of course, interested hearing the words "Bella" and "death" put in the same sentence. This was not the time for familial interference.

Across the bed from us, Mary Alice sat amused having watched the entire time. "Mind if I join?" She rubbed her hand across Bella's tense back.

Bella muttered, "Please tell me your first time hurt too, right?"

"Jesus Christ!" Emmett yelped from three floors below us. He looked at Jasper, "Say it isn't so? You're standing here cool as a cucumber while _that_ is going on?"

Jasper said, "Watch your language. There are ladies present. I have no problem with it. It would be good for Bella and Alice. They both need the practice."

Emmett gawped fortunately for him, within the confines of his tactless brain, _"After fifty years of marriage you think she needs practice? You really were a complete whore. And I need to watch my language?"_

Jasper picked up on that whole 'I'm repulsed by you,' deal of Emmett's and left the room.

Father said to me mentally, _"Edward, son, I am very sorry to intrude at a time like this. Some of your family are confused as to what you are helping Bella with at present. Would you mind helping me educate them to keep them from annoying you?"_

At vampire pitch, I addressed the family, "The Telecles clan has some kind of private mental channel that they use to communicate telepathically."

Emmett dropped a wrench. I continued,"Bella can hear it. Because it is too strong for her mind she feels pain and distress. I am teaching her, with Mary Alice's assistance, how to block her mind."

"You are a considerate soul. Please continue," Father instructed.

Mother said, "He's come such a long way, Carlisle. I'm so proud of him."

I had the most glorious vampire Father of them all. He let me play mind games with my young inexperienced bride in bed as long as I wanted. With my sister. Who knew, I thought as I smiled at Mary Alice, that being in a family could be this much fun? And my eternally amazing vampire Mother encouraged it and said it made her proud. Maybe this immortal life was not so bad, after all. Maybe.

"We will be assisting Edward," Marcus added through the Marcus-vine, making Emmett jump literally.

"Great, now everyone gets to watch me writhe," Bella grumbled.

"Shh, this is for a good cause. It won't always be this way. Now try to relax."

"Famous last words, Romeo."

I hoped I had not angered her, because she was comparing me to the greatest idiot in English literature. Next to Hamlet – mr. can't make up his mind, of course.

Mary Alice said, "I'm sorry Bella. It does not really hurt me. But I'll do all I can to see that you are comfortable. I had a vision that this would work."

"Really?"

"Absolutely." My sister held up a palm, "Cullen's honor." Bella flattened hers against it.

"Ok. Let's get this over with. I want to be a pro by the end of the week."

I loved my ambitious woman. She wanted to practice games in bed. A lot. With me.

We only worked for ten minutes that day. Due to her endurance issues, not mine. Her poor brain needed the time to recuperate, as I stroked her temples and bid Mary Alice and the rest of the Telecles clan a silent farewell.

"How long has this been going on?" I managed to gulp down a glass of algae helpfully handed to me by my sister as she left without disturbing Bella.

"What?"

"The pain in your head from Marcus and family."

"Well, at first I could only hear bits and pieces. It did not hurt at all. Lately though, it has been bad." She snuggled closer against me. "Marcus says it is because our bond is growing. Don't get me wrong Edward, they're nice people and all. But it this is what liking them brings. . . Maybe I need to not like them so much."

"It helps if you come up with a mental image of the hardest thing you can imagine and think of it being between you and the minds of others."

"Did it really take you years?"

"Yes, but Bella, I did not know what I was doing. I do now. Hopefully you won't have to go through what I did."

"Hold still," She pushed me back against the bed and lay atop me, and wrapped the long silver chain around us both. My dear little protective one. Of me. She never ceased to amaze me. I noticed her birds appeared darker, mine too. The pendants flared to life.

I asked Jugurtha, "I know we are busy, but we are going to have to add in a session with Marcus' hygienically challenged Mother to find out what that woman did to us the other day."

He said, "I'll pencil that in to your session with Hezekiah tonight. Be sure to bring her some kind of offering."

"How? I am in spirit form?"

"I recall you being clothed in that realm, correct?"

"Yes. What of it?"

"So who is to say you cannot, say, have a photograph of Bella tucked into your pajama shirt when you sleep tonight? And you could totally lick Bella while she sleeps. She will never know and I will never tell. Or judge."

"How ludicrous. Why would I ever give someone that mortiferous Bella's picture? Why not paint a bull's-eye on her left temple?"

"Because first, one is _already_ there, and second, you _really_ want _that_ malevolent woman on your side. You want her to see her great-granddaughter. We do not know if we are going to survive this battle with Maria. Bella needs someone to watch over her in case we cannot. Look how well she did without us. So giving her one last lick is totally reasonable."

"And you think the purveyor of Misery for a Millennium is the best choice? This woman made Marcus pick which murdered child lived and threw in three legions for fun. Why bother with someone mundane like a family photograph when she keeps the spirits of her grandchildren's corpses for a thousand years?"

Rarely had he seemed more serious, "Yes. I do believe we need her. In all our time around the most powerful immortals have you ever met anyone who was stronger?"

"No."

"More ruthless?"

Well, that was completely true. I would pay good money to get her and the Gorgon in the same room. In comparison, Marcus' Mother made the Gorgon seem like a yapping four-pound Pomeranian standing next to a slobbering two hundred pound Tibetan Mastiff. And now I knew whom he took after.

The predator said, "Now, now, she claims to be guarding the souls of her grandchildren which is why she keeps them. It's not like she's a serial killer."

I glared at Jugurtha for that tacky dig.

He shrugged. "Besides, think of how angry she has to be having to guard her grandchildren and see what was done to them every day for a thousand years. In her place, I would be all kinds of protective of my only remaining human relation. And protecting Bella scores her points with Marcus who has every reason to detest his Mother. She could have summoned him, but she used us as a messenger. She wants her son back."

True. Very true. Jugurtha was a genius. I was going to have to purchase another black leather jacket for him to add to his collection. Perhaps another set of leather boots.

"I have never taken a picture of Bella. The engagement photo is framed on our desk and large. I cannot fit that into a pocket. Stealing one from Charlie would be tacky."

"So draw a portrait right now," Starched Shirt Edward piped up from his prayer bench. I knew there was a reason I kept him around.

"Bella, does your head still hurt?"

"Yes." Reluctantly, I rolled us over and reached out to the table to my left.

Fingers running across the bottle tops like piano keys, I searched for the right note. Picking from three different medications, I handed her a strong dose of pain killer.

"That's more than I normally take. Is it going to knock me flat?" she asked.

"Perhaps, but you will not hurt. When your head feels better, we will continue practicing blocking thoughts."

"Can we start more lessons tomorrow?"

"Most assuredly." I handed her a glass of orange juice.

She took the tablets from me. "I'll take them if you take a dose."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I can tell that your head hurts, too. You look exhausted. I vote we take a nap."

She crawled over me, took a decanter of algae, and poured me a glass. I took the tablets, hoping I would not spit them back up later and crumbled them into the sludge and drank it, hiding a grimace. At the sight of my compliance, she took her own pills and swallowed them along with a breakfast bar. Tugged by the hand by my bossy beloved, I crawled under the covers, pulled her against me, and surrendered to sleep chained to her side.

How she spoiled me so, despite the fact that she knew I was rotten to the core. I rued the day I had left her, flinging such bile and spite on her defenseless head. My words had come to roost on the headstone of my character. Somehow, I had to convince her that she should love me. I knew our mate bond gave me an advantage, but I felt like Sisyphus without a rock knowing I had to get to the top of the hill around invisible hurdles.

Jugurtha said, "You are making progress. She opened up with you today talking about her fear of water. She let you help her. And she cried."

"How is the crying part good?"

"Because we learned from the minds of others long ago that Bella never cries. She was so emotional when we first started going around us because of the mate bond working. Today we saw evidence that the process has continued."

"What?"

"Remember what Vivinna said about being so emotional."

"She was pregnant at the time."

"True, but she insisted that she had never been overemotional with her other pregnancies. I'm sure that the power of the mate bond overwhelmed her human system."

"It killed her."

"Bella has two amulets, and a ton of resources that Vivinna did not have. Relax. This all is good for us."

I clung to that hope as I reluctantly let the world drift away.

"That was awfully fast. Back so soon?" Hezekiah chirped from his leather chair.

"We need to see Marcus' Mother."

Hezekiah's thin fingers tightened on his walking stick as he stood, "What the heck for? We were lucky to get away like we did." His wrinkled flesh resembled tan crepe paper.

"Fine. You caught me. I love the ways she smells."

Hezekiah chuckled. "The real reason, son."

"Because she changed us in some way." I showed him my considerably darker gyrfalcon scars.

"Old news, son. I was there when she did that. And when did you become royal? What's with the 'us?'"

"When I touched Bella, it changed her birds as well."

"Yes, and did not Marcus explain to you that his Mother gave you her blessing?"

"Her what?"

"Edward, she's a priestess."

Aside from pure menace, I had not picked up any kind of spiritual demeanor from her. "What was she a priestess of, Lucifer?"

Hezekiah sniffed at me. "You are not normally this blunt. Have you been drinking something aside from blood or algae?"

"Oh, I am quite drugged at present. But that is neither here nor there."

Hezekiah yelled like a parent in front of his drunk-for-the-first-time child, "What did you take?"

"I had to take pain killer so Bella would take hers."

"Well, I don't know if it will work on your pain, but it definitely is working on that tongue of yours."

What kind of holy woman made her own son pick which child lived and died? I mean, really, this was sounding like a bad idea the more I considered it.

Still I said, "Hezekiah, neither you nor any other shaman you know has ever seen a demon like Maria. The Batty Priestess of Scariness on High has."

It might not have been fair, and invading the Telecles' clan's privacy, but I showed Hezekiah the vision of Marcus making the deal with his Mother. He shook his head in a grimace. Then, he actually smirked.

He criticized my behavior for rude speech and yet he smiled at the notion of children being slaughtered? Which one of us was more drugged, I wondered?

Stiffly I muttered, "I did not find that funny."

"The vision? Ghastly. Edward, I smiled because Quanah Parker is now insisting he wants to marry not only that Irina girl, but Marcus' Mother. Even if she stinks to high heaven by his standards. He said he's looking forward to bathing her in a river. Sorry."

"Accepted," I said. "Focus on that whole looming-legions-of-demon-powered-terror problem now, please. You said that this threat to the tribe was its greatest challenge."

"Yes, that I did."

"Marcus told me Maria is significantly stronger than the demon he killed a thousand years ago. He also said that we were all lucky we did not die when we pulled that stunt the other day and killed the immortal child. Logic suggests that with all that in consideration then yes, I will go see Her Most Royal Noisesomeness in all her magnificent squalor."

"You have to be invited, son. _She_ summoned us."

"That means since we went there once, we can visit again, provided she has not moved. By the stench of that cave, I suspect she is a homebody minus the ninety-nine cats. She decided to be daring and substitute a million bats instead."

Hezekiah guffawed, "Cats, bats, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you should take drugs more often, Edward."

The world tilted then. Those pain killers were definitely strong. I had all the side effects, yet still got to keep eighty percent of the suffering.

Starched Shirt Edward offered me a cup of tea to sober me up and urged, "Convince him to see that foul woman." Oh. Ok.

"Remember, she said we could visit her. Are you coming or not?" Impatiently, I tapped my fingers against the back of the lounge chair as I stood behind it holding on for dear life.

"Keep your shirt on. I need to consult with the others." He shut his eyes. I peeked down at my clothing. I still had all of it on me. That man confused me for sport, and I fell for it every time.

"Give Sacajawea my best," I jibed as Hezekiah communed with the committee. "And see if Quanah Parker and Sequoya are still alive. Aside from inappropriately leering at women, they have been awfully quiet lately."

Quanah was a hot head. He definitely would vote to go see the Priestess of All Things Scary. For a second or so, I saw two Hezekiahs shushing me. And I was still trying to erase the mental image of Sequoya lurking about when Bella and I were in the cave. Kissing. A lot. That was private. And highly inappropriate. Him. Not us. Since I had proposed to her that night, man-law dictated that our actions had been covered under morality's cloak. Our love was sacred. Pure. Aside from that whole almost killing her business. How was I to know he was invigilating - spiritually speaking - while I had my first kiss? Jerk.

"Grace, can you please bring me a piece of paper and a pen from my desk?" They appeared out of the air. I sat in the recliner and used the arm rest as a desk. Quickly, I sketched a picture of Bella, which my minion found fascinating.

"_Sweet girl,"_ Grace sighed.

I joined her.

While sketching, human memories kept me company. My mortal Mother had been quite the painter. Our house had been decorated with her work. As a human, I had taken lessons in art, I now recalled. I put them to use, and poured both semi-drugged heart and tattered soul into my efforts. Every now and then the short hairs on my nape would stand at attention because I could feel the metaphorical noose tightening around my neck. Based on the alarmed tenor of the Telecles clan's collective musings earlier, I suspected that I was running out of time. It was not like I had been awake enough to have an update on the war status lately. The last I had heard, Maria's army had crossed the Mississippi. In immortal terms, they seemed to be taking their sweet time.

Jugurtha tsked, "Their stupidity give us more time to train. Take advantage of it."

Hezekiah opened his eyes, and impatiently before he could quibble, I reached for his scrawny arm. One of his ancestors had been quite helpful with his memories and talent concerning contacting spirits from another realm as I untangled the ability from the gnarled skein of Quileute tribal knowledge.

I stared at the Fitzflock and said, "Take us to bat cave."

I could not understand why Hezekiah was laughing. So I ignored him.

FitzLuck balefully asked if I could please be more specific. There were an awful lot of bat caves. "Take us to the Mistress of Gloom who blessed us in the exceptionally moldy and smelly bat cave."

Marcus' Mother had marked the gyrfalcons, and that meant they should be able to find her spiritual trail. Once they understood my destination, FitzLuck and FitzSinister all but skipped as they let out dignified shrieks of excitement and we vanished from Hezekiah's grove. I opened my eyes to find Hezekiah standing in front of me like a sentinel, clasping my hand on his stringy shoulder. The birds on my hands flapped their wings in wonder and sang a greeting. We faced, by the eye-watering stench, Marcus' Mother standing in the dim light covered from head to toe in a long robe. Hezekiah and I gulped in tandem, Adam's apples bobbling.

"Young one, Elder," she gestured towards my teacher, "what brings you?"

Listening to that mellifluous voice emerge from the hole where her face should have been proved to be deception at its finest. You would never know the cruelty that she could unleash, and she appeared unarmed, aside of course, from the reek around us.

Hezekiah swallowed thickly. The odor from me, her, and the cave tested his limits. Mine, too.

Jugurtha elbowed me, "It would be best to get this over with as quickly as possible."

"Amen!" Starched Shirt Edward said while pinching his nose.

"I have a gift for you," I stammered to that woman.

The priestess removed her hood to reveal a face that was eerily familiar. She had thick brown hair that was slightly darker than Bella's and the same mouth. Her eyes were light grey like Marcus'.

She stared at Hezekiah like one would an underfed geriatric draft horse and said, "How kind of you, but I have no need of an assistant."

My teacher stiffened and he harrumphed. I could not help but snicker.

"No madam, I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am quite attached to Hezekiah and my teacher is not mine to give." Reaching across him, I extended the portrait to her, "This is for you. I drew it."

I did not mean to brag, but I had managed to capture Bella's beauty, along with the glint of quiet studious defiance in her eyes.

The priestess stared at it. Off to my left, I could hear water trickling down the obsidian wall of the cave. Really, this was entirely unnecessary to live in such filth and mold. Did she not own a broom? A bucket or a mop? Bleach? I asked the spirits if they could extend the courtesy to make the guano that surrounded us vanish discreetly. We immediately noticed the difference.

Marcus' Mother did not appear to be upset. "What did you do?" She asked.

"It is a son's duty to help his mother. I have no idea why Marcus has allowed your domicile to fall into such disrepair, but I attempted to fix it for you. I hope I did not cause offense, but madam, you should not be forced to live in such conditions. Is there anything else I can do to make your quarters more comfortable?"

Hezekiah did not so much as twitch, but I could tell he was trying with all his might not to shout with laughter.

Jugurtha said, "She seems intrigued. Good move."

"For centuries, people have come to me mewling requests, and bearing piteous tales. None have offered me a gift or cared enough to ask about my home."

"Did you not raise your son with _manners_?" I blurted.

Has he not heard of Mother's Day? Christmas? I mean really, his thousand year time-out could have been shortened perhaps with a tasteful Hallmark card or two. That family had serious etiquette issues. Emily Post would be appalled.

Hezekiah muttered at me through our shaman link, _"Easy on the offending part, junior."_

"Young one, Marcus' father raised him once he was weaned. My son's lack of manners does show. He has improved with time."

She stared at the drawing and traced her finger along it.

"That is Bella, your human great-granddaughter. She is everything to me." The priestess's eyes seemed to gleam in the dim interior. I coughed, cleared my throat, and soldiered on, "Bella has brought hope to us all. Maria and the rest of the immortal world either want to kill, kidnap, or use her in some way for gain. If I die facing Maria and her army, it will hurt Bella because she is my mate. I ask that if that happens, you please watch over your great-granddaughter."

"Why are you asking me? You have seen how I am with my son."

"Like wine, I figure you would have improved over time," I shot back.

At her raised eyebrow, blanching Hezekiah reached up without looking and cuffed me. He grumbled, "Manners, Edward. Madam, he is drugged. I apologize for his smart alec tongue."

"Everyone in Bella's family, me included," I entreated, "has failed her. Without malice, but fail her we have. I need one family member to stand by her. And for that, I pick you _because_ of the way you were with your son. You would not let sentimentality blind you."

"Take my hand." I had been right the last time; her flesh was warm despite that cold-blooded nature. "Show me your Bella."

So I picked the first thing that sprang to my mind: Bella on that night in the forest standing over Angela, arguing with the leader of the mob, throwing a knife to defend me, and then scaring the life out of me by playing the 'guess what?' game to perfection. Marcus' mother actually laughed out loud. I think she killed three stars with her mirth as I saw lights in the sky go winking out. Jugurtha slapped me and reminded me to focus on my dearly beloved one, not the carnage in the sky.

Marcus' Mother changed her tune when I continued with the images of Victoria attacking my dear little defiant one, of Bella's death and rescue. Of Bella in Italy spitting in my face and punching me, and kicking me, ahem, of her leaping on the twin children, as the bloody feast went on around her. I showed her Bella in the hospital helping us fight the demon in Paula, Bella trying to heal me with her pendant and her power as we lay curled around one other. I ended with the vision Alice had shown of the Future Us standing in the forest smiling at each other.

"Agreed. The girl has spirit. Vivinna's protective charm she bought from that charlatan priest seems to have worked on her alone. And Bella's power interests me. I ask for something in return."

"Can I interest you in some custom made windows?" I pointed to the hole in the roof forty feet behind me that had permitted the bats entry all those years. Heavy rain cascaded through it at present. "Firewood for your hearth? Furniture?"

"No."

"Yes?"

"Draw me a picture of my other grandchildren. And my son." She sounded unsure of herself and I am quite sure the word "please" was not part of her vocabulary. I asked the spirits to provide me with more paper and a pen and sat on the now clean floor of the cave and drew. I lost track of time. A fire appeared beside me to keep me warm, and a cup of something that Hezekiah sniffed and nodded as he handed it to me. It tasted like apples and cinnamon and helped with that head pounding problem.

The first thing I drew was my memory of the whole family standing together prior to taking on the rabble-rousing Romanians. Thucer, Teitu, Metie and Pesna held their swords and cuffed one another. Marcus and Vivinna almost-smiled in that, "How marvelous! We're about to go and slay thousands" manner of theirs. Skeevy seemed uncertain, and Arria stood off to the side, remote while watching everyone else.

"This is Marcus' wife?" She pointed to Arria's sketch.

"Well, they are similar in coloring, but no, that is your granddaughter, Arria, and she towers over her mother, who I believe you call '_that woman_.'"

"Arria is the one that marked you?" The Priestess pointed to my palms. I showed her that memory of how that happened. At the idea of Arria spiritually tackling her mother over Bella, the priestess chuckled. "Young one, you have no idea how you entertain me. I am tempted to keep you."

Ye gads! I acted like she had not spoken.

"This," I pointed to the picture, "is Vivinna."

Since Arria did appear younger than her mother, I guessed I had not done a good enough job on the family portrait, so I drew individual ones of each member.

"I never wanted them to marry," the priestess sighed. "The stars predicted much bloodshed."

"But they did, and they paid a thousand years in suffering for their sins. Vivinna searched for her missing children all that time, raised your grandson Cale on her own, and created a network to rescue your son."

"Do not normal mothers know when their child passes? I did."

"I have no idea, Madam."

The priestess gave the drawing an almost-smile. "You call her the Gorgon."

"She annoys me when she can, she is inconveniently ambitious, but I believe she cares about Bella in some odd fashion. Oh, and all your grandsons are newly mated. Would you like pictures of their brides?"

If the Gorgon made her balk, morbid amusement alone made me wonder what she would think of the newborns. Although I refused to explain the concept of a pornographic movie to the woman. Even I had scruples. With the newborns' ability to survive anything, no matter how outlandish their behavior, they would probably get along like a house on fire. Ok, so that was a bad metaphor given Jasper's past. But still. Even Jugurtha agreed.

The Priestess consented with a diffident wave.

I found it all kinds of ironic to be sitting in front of such a powerful personage, drawing of all things, the now-not-so lowly newborns.

"You have drawn the same woman several times over. Why?"

"That is not the same woman. Your grandsons mated with a set of identical septuplets."

"That is a good sign."

I saved the picture of Mary Alice for last.

"Who is this?" she asked.

"Her name is Mary Alice. She has been my sister in our coven these past fifty years, but she is of your blood. We are not sure how." I hoped for an answer. She stared at the drawing and then gave it no more attention than the others.

"You had best return to your training, Young One. Come again when you can. Give this to your mate."

The energy radiating from the small tear-drop shaped lapis lazuli stone burned my fingers. I said, "She is mortal and has a weak heart, I can feel the power of this. Will it harm her?"

"No. Do as I say. Have her wear it around her neck by those useless trinkets. Bring this Bella to call when she is strong enough. You have my thanks and my word, Edward."

She was going to have to wait another thousand years before I brought my bride into a mold-infested pit like that. But I appreciated the sentiment.

We squinted one moment in the now not-reeking cave, and the next found ourselves seated opposite one another in Hezekiah's lounge chairs in the grotto.

Hezekiah roared, "Jesus, Edward, it's a good thing I'm already dead and can't expire from another heart attack." Then he laughed, "We should drug you more often. That was brilliantly played, my boy. Your sneaky brother would turn green with envy if he could have seen that."

We attempted a lesson. I lasted only an hour before sheer exhaustion along with the pain killer swept me back into Bella's warm embrace.

"Edward," she poked my ribs with a cold finger, bringing me instantly awake. How had I lost my shirt? Not that I minded her touching my bare skin. It felt quite nice.

"Mm, yes?" I sat up. My eyes watered. Her hand rested against my abdomen.

"Where have you been? Cause no offense, but you, and now I, really stink. I thought it was just your shirt." She waved the fabric in the air like a white flag in battle and tossed it across the room. The universe was still mocking me. My bride tore my shirt off and I slept through it. Even worse, she waved the dratted thing at me sending whiffs of bat excrement galore my way. I gulped down bile and venom. This was _so_ not fair!

Jugurtha said, "Oh, I totally agree. That's just cold. You must have seriously irritated someone in a past life."

Wolfpyre speed was not something I had shown Bella often. Now definitely called for such a display. I scooped her from the bed and deposited her to the floor, "Cleaning house for your great-grandmother who had an overabundance of bat guano. Grace, would you mind disposing of the sheets, mattress, blankets and pillows?" They evaporated leaving only the bed frame. Upon second sniff, that stank too, so Grace took it as well. If possible, I smelled ten times worse than I had on the last visit. Using a damp handkerchief, I cleaned the astonishingly-stench-free Priestess' stone and said, "Your great-grandmother sent this for you to wear with you pendants."

"How pretty. You get the first shower, Stinking Fiancé. I insist." Bella strung the gift on the chain and yelped as it vanished with a small puff of air when it touched the other pendants.

What _was that?_

"Are you well?" I checked her for broken bones which Jugurtha griped was excessive, although he gave me points for bare chest contact.

Olfactory matters seized the day, however, as we both realized we could not bear the odor and I was the worst sinner and stinker of them all.

My whole being lightened at the touch of her flesh against my trunk. I had never been touched so and ruined that whole looking masculine part by blushing. Bella pushed me towards the shower. "Edward, it did not hurt me. But I am a desperate woman. Either strip, or be stripped." She started to cough and gag.

Dashing into the bathroom, I decided she had a point. At wolfpyre speed, I tore off the rest of my clothing while standing in the shower and turned on the water. From across the room, I tossed the reeking fabric in the tub, and flipped the switch to send the water spouting from the showerhead. I did not much care that the water felt ice cold.

"_Mary Alice_," I called out mentally and quickly informed her of our quandary with images that made her nearly choke with laughter, _"I need you here now. Just you."_

Duly inspired, I bathed at wolfpyre speed, while my sister hurried to the bedroom. In my haste, I had left the door slightly ajar, but Bella was too busy trying to tear her clothes off and put on a robe to worry about me. And I was too busy to watch. Her. That is. Really. Trying to bathe, hold down my gorge, and remain standing proved to be challenging. I kept everyone out of my head for self preservation and sucked in deep gasps of air. I heard a knocking and jumped as I saw Mary Alice standing with her back to me in the bathroom. She held a bottle of chlorine bleach.

"Relax, I did not peek. I know how private you are." She held the bottle up in the air over her head.

"This is for fabric," I said holding the bottle over my manly parts. And I do mean to brag because the bottle was large enough to cover them and permit me modesty.

"Use it on your flesh. Not on your hair. Try this on your head." She had a jar of tomato sauce. Both made good sense. So I doused myself with bleach and a side of tomatoes. Now I smelled of the chemicals, but beggars can only be losers.

When I felt confident I was rid of the stink I wrapped a towel securely around my waist; seeing as I had no clothes and all, and Bella wore my one bath robe. Two minutes had passed. As I opened the bathroom door, I asked the Quileute powers to make the filthy ones on the floor make like a tree and leave forevermore. They disintegrated into nothingness before Bella's gawping eyes.

Mary Alice held a stack of clean clothes and said, "That's a great trick, Edward."

"If you ever do that to my clothes while I'm in them, I really will kill you." Bella quipped and tried very hard not to stare at my chest - so claimed delusional Jugurtha. She had seen me in a towel before; this was no big deal and a scent-antic emergency.

And really, truth be told, I had no intentions of anything improper because she really did reek to high heaven. Even I had limits seeing as Mary Alice stood three feet away. Further, I associated that odor with Marcus' mother; whom I most definitely did not find attractive despite the pulchritude of her form.

The priestess of all things malodorous could have made a mint selling that fetid perfume as a form of birth control, crowd control, or any other kind of coercive force. Bella's eyes drifted towards the tub and at her look of panic, I made our wet clothing and towels vanish with no one the wiser.

Happily, I would purchase her more nightgowns. And underwear. I think it was time for Victoria's Secret to have a sale. Watching Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha debate selections always entertained me.

"_Can you please help Bella with a shower?"_ I asked Mary Alice.

"Yep. Shoo." Once dressed, I opened the door to find a large audience. Felix, Jane, Alec, Marcus, Vivinna, Arria, Father, Mother, Emmett, and Leah all stood there.

Marcus drolled, "Edward, I sense you visited my beloved Mother, yes?"

"Jeez," Emmett remembered the odor, "Hey StenchWard, how's it going?" He looked at Marcus and said, "How come he doesn't reek like he did the last time?"

"I did," I could not manage to disguise the shudder, "I just finished bathing."

"Edward, what the hell happened to your bed?" Emmett's voice rose.

"_A little louder so the wolves in the guest cottage could hear you," _I wanted to gripe. Now I had the entire hallway rubbernecking the half-empty room.

Ignoring him, I pointed behind me, "I'm afraid I had to destroy some bedding, though." Emmett's eyes widened as his thoughts plunged straight to the gutter, thinking of other uses for the bleach they had all seen Mary Alice taking into the room. "I woke up beside Bella and she is not amused at the perfume she currently wears. So Grace disintegrated the mattress and bed linens. Mary Alice is helping Bella bathe." Arria and Vivinna went past me to check on my bride. I figured that my sister could hold her own.

I heard Mary Alice telling Bella, "I might need to get a different shampoo. The tomato juice has helped, but let's try a second time. You have an awful lot of hair." My poor little stinky one, I had ruined her hair. This smelled far worse than the curling iron stench.

Vivinna entered the bathroom and from what Grace showed, waved a glowing hand.

Arria sniffed, "Mother, you made it go away? How?"

"Years of practice," Vivinna responded in a serene voice.

There was no love lost on that side either, despite the dulcet tones. The reek vanished from the rest of the bedroom, so said Mary Alice's mind before Arria decided to lower a barrier and give them all blasted privacy. For crying out loud, I had not peeked that time, either.

I did not like the way Leah hung back, "You are family, and Bella's sister. You have every right to go into that room." Using the wolf link, I solemnly teased, _"Besides, think of the opportunity to make Arria and Vivinna squirm due to that whole wolf-vampire odor issue."_ With that, Leah needed no further persuasion. She and I shared similar views on the lack of parenting shown by Arria and Vivinna both.

Leah said, "Thanks," and walked past me giving me an odd look. I tuned her out.

"Son," Father asked, "what did you do to acquire such a strong odor?" He seemed to be staring at my face an awfully long time. Mother, too. Then the rest of the family joined in, and all of them blocked their thoughts.

"Well, I kind of decided her cave needed cleaning. And I stayed a lot longer. I don't know how long. It felt like hours. Marcus, I forgot to tell you the last time I visited she said you had to remember your bargain."

Marcus smoothly ignored the bargain comment, "Edward, she used that to keep people away. She would always make sure they reeked when they left to keep them from returning. Although the cave definitely is awful, she doesn't really smell that way."

Good to know she was only slightly less insane than I initially assessed. Marvelous. Now she will have to either persuade a legion of dysentery-ridden bats to come and pay a visit for a few centuries or develop a more disagreeable personality to scare away penitents.

"Marcus, I have another mattress set stored along with a bed frame. Would you mind sending someone to fetch it?" I wrote down the address and handed him the key to the storage room.

Teitu beamed and declared, "Emmett has been teaching me how to use the big jeep. Pesna, Emmett and I will go." He was big enough so that when he clapped a hand against my brother's back; even Emmett had to work to stay on both feet. From Emmett's present cognitions, teaching Teitu and the Telecles brothers how to drive a standard transmission had been a labor of love and patience. And three transmissions. And lots of grumbling from his wife, who found, much to her surprise, that Metie had a gift for mechanics and was a quick study.

Emmett glanced out a window, "It's raining pretty hard out there. We'll have to use one of the eighteen-wheeled trucks we've been using to haul around the construction equipment. But sure, we can do it. And um, sorry." He referred to his perverse thoughts.

Jasper called from the kitchen, "Lunch is ready!" Mother had taught him how to make steak and potatoes. Jasper was in love with the grill. He didn't see steaks cooking on those racks.

Father and Rosalie approached me as a now clean Bella emerged from the room and did a double-take. My head hurt so much that I could not seem to read anyone's thoughts at present, being occupied with standing in one place and remaining vertical.

"Why are you all staring?" I asked.

"Son, I do not know what Marcus' Mother did, but you've aged."

Marcus said, "It is a good thing you took him from the mortal school. Even they would notice."

Bella held my hand and insisted on accompanying me as we walked downstairs. I allowed Rosalie to prod me into the examination room and stared in the mirror. To my eyes, I simply appeared haggard, no more or less than the past few weeks. The birds appeared the same, and let me know how happy the visit had made them.

Rosalie declared, "There's no way you can pass for seventeen again. You look at least twenty."

"_Marcus? Is this normal?"_

"_Normal and my Mother do not belong in the same sentence. I can only guess at her motivations, and I would probably be wrong."_

"If anyone comments, we'll say it is stress from surviving that bear attack that never happened," Father said. He conducted more tests that took another hour. While we waited for the results, Emmett and company returned and installed the bed and mattress set. They seemed to be taking an awfully long time although I did not bother to watch. I had Bella in the room, and she was much more entertaining as she sat by me in Father's study, and held my hand. We passed the time with me tutoring her in Oscan.

Father called us to the examination room, "Edward please have a seat," he pointed to the table. "Your blood work shows that your white blood cell count has risen a bit, so, too has your iron. Both are still lower than I would like. You look like you have aged another year in the past hour." Mother, Jasper, Rosalie, and Mary Alice all agreed.

Marcus extended a hand and began calling upon his gift as a blue nimbus surrounded him. Three minutes later he said, "I explained to my Mother that if you age much more it would be difficult on our current situation. I think that is as far as it will progress."

Bella walked up to the examining table, perched beside me, and bumped me with her left side. "Edward, I'm afraid I am going to have to wag a finger at you." That made no sense, unless you counted moving your entire body as wagging a single digit.

"For what? I much prefer the ankle wag, just so you know."

"It's supposed to be me everyone freaks out over and is in the hospital. Not you." She tickled me and I could not help but laugh. I had no idea I was ticklish. "See," Bella insisted to the staring in morbid fascination family, "Edward smiling made him look a year younger. There's nothing to be done, let's just go back to bed. My grumpy old man needs his rest." Right. Although having just chortled, I definitely could not pass for being grumpy. But I would not argue if she wanted to go to bed. Ever. I was not born yesterday. I would be her 'old man' anytime, anywhere, anyplace.

Two weeks passed in a blur. It was now the middle of May. We had to take time off from our fighting-to-stay-alive business to deal with Arria throwing a party to introduce her daughter. Marvelous. Bella and I both prepared that morning at an arthritic turtle's pace as if facing a twitchy-fingered firing squad. She had on a dark green dress and the engagement ring fit her left hand. Heirlooms be damned, I had the anklet modified so it would stay that way and it gleamed up at me as Bella straightened my tie.

"You look handsome Drug-Pushing Fiancé," she teased.

"You . . .," I stammered, "lovely." She had robbed me of words. I babbled like a Newtonian simpleton.

"Thank you, Edward. Promise me you will keep me from having to dance?"

She looked so lost for a moment. Her balance had not improved despite physical therapy.

"Most definitely. I hate dancing, too. All that spritely gadding about. Positively unhealthy looking." She almost smiled.

Jugurtha said, "Try to compliment her again. Remember our gift."

"Your beauty leaves me wordless as usual," I answered back and handed her a daisy. "Here, you can wear it for good luck." She pinned it in her hair. The party occurred at Arria's place, which spiritually skulking aside, I had never visited in person. Carved under a mountain in the park, people never would have guessed a complex that large had been burrowed centuries ago.

Bella had not set foot in it since the day Victoria had attacked her. I could tell by the set of her shoulders how tense she was.

"If I could get us out of this, I would," I apologized and took her hand in mine.

"The only reason I am not ditching them is because we get seven days to ourselves at your house." She sounded almost excited.

"Do you like the house?"

"I love the house. The view of the lake is . . . I could watch that forever without getting bored. If we get a clear day, I hope we could both spend some time drawing it. There are plenty of trees in case Douglas and Henrietta want to come and visit."

"There are some pretty walking paths we could take if you like," I offered. I had hired gardeners to come in and spruce up the place for her. I could not wait to see her face when she saw all the blooms and rosebushes.

"Sounds great," she smiled briefly before donning a sober mien once we entered the complex. As we walked through the halls, I noticed that Arria's people would bow to Bella and address her as "Little Arria," which was not her name, last time I checked. I vividly recalled Arria had intended on naming Bella the female version of Attila, so this made no sense.

The next Fake Canadian that did it, I corrected in prim Oscan, "Her name is Bella. Call her by it."

I asked my dear little one, "Did they always call you by the wrong name?"

"No."

"Poor you." That must have been disturbing. "How did Arria convince Charlie to let you stay with her?"

"I did not hear their conversation. I barely stayed here." I could tell by her voice that we needed to change the subject.

We had been working for half an hour every day on shielding. All of her family had come to help. Bella was much better at protecting her mind from her kin, aided by a Quileute spirit or nine. But she learned quickly. I could hear the roar of the crowd as we approached Arria's hall which was every bit as large as the one in Italy. This place had been built to be Marcus' fortress by his close friends who had rescued the infant Arria and spirited her across the globe until the found haven here. They had built it to his specifications. We joined the Telecles and Catharnai families and walked into the room facing the crowds as one. My hand shook as I tried to refrain from killing an idiot or twenty that had lewd thoughts concerning my bride. Bella tugged at my hand and I looked down at her as we proceeded to our social doom.

"I came here with you. And I am leaving with you. I chose you. Not any of them."

I put an arm around her shoulder and said, "Thank you for being you."

We hated every second. Marcus had explained to us that with this display it would solidify his alliances but also protect Bella and Mary Alice.

By walking in with us side-by-side, the Telecles family sent the clear word that they claimed Bella, Mary Alice, Jasper and me as family as were the rest of the Cullen coven. Marcus used the Marcus-vine to remind his allies that if they gawped at his human granddaughter and making her nervous would displease him as she had been ill and was not used to their ways. So everyone comported themselves with decorum and stared at supernatural speed instead.

Stinky Du Loc, also known as Lancelot in some corners of the lied-to-for-centuries world, stood before us and bowed, "Those cretins made me bathe before I could come. I made the sacrifice to my dignity so I could see you. I notice you are still human. I would be honored to turn you. My venom is strong. We would make –"

Bella interrupted him, "What about Guinevere?" Everyone surrounding us pretended not to listen while hanging on every word. My dear little perspicacious one had stumbled into a weak spot. Lancelot did the vampire equivalent of blushing, stuck his nose into the air and waved an arm like swatting a fly.

"She is long passed from this realm."

"Why did you not turn her?"

"Because he failed to do it correctly." I bluntly announced.

"It happens," he offered a Gallic shrug of a muscular shoulder. "Fate brought me to your feet."

Jane sent a low-level blast at him and he cringed. She had become so considerate when it came to Bella. She did not want Bella frightened at the sight of Stinky du Loc squirming and screaming on the floor.

"You are beginning to irritate me." I said to him with a left hand bursting into green flame. The birds cawed at him from my hands, making everyone around us back away.

The words, "green demon," flew through the room faster than human women can gossip.

Stinky sneered, "I am quite powerful on my own. You do not want to battle with me, young man."

"Actually, I do. It would take all of half a second to turn you into a stinking pile of ashes." Bella remained calm, this was appropriate.

Marcus said, "I would find it amusing to watch. He definitely could kill you. Because you are irritating my Granddaughter and defying the rules of polite society, you are banished from this Kingdom.

Teitu and Metie flanked him.

Bella said, "Wait. I would like to say something." Her right hand shook in mine, and she gave me a squeeze. She extended her left fist so he and the rest of the crowd could see the ring.

In a clear voice she said, "I have chosen my fate. This is my fiancé, Edward Cullen."

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, while wrapping my arms around her. Metie and Teitu did not give Lancelot time to say more than an overdramatic, "Farewell, beautiful one," before they ushered him out the door at that peculiar speed that was faster than the average elderly immortal could perform. Not as fast as me. But still. Odd. Very odd.

Speaking of decorum, or the lack thereof, although Bella and Mary Alice were the honorees, Mary Sue newborn made her debut as the queen of the lost coven, surrounded by her sisters. She and I had not had time to sit down and have a proper conversation, but I had requested via text that she do all she could to keep people's attention away from Bella. I left the details up to her bountiful imagination. Noting the awkward silence after Lancelot's exit, she and her sisters decided to act. She did not disappoint.

They pranced by Bella and me with air kisses and coos and walked to the other side of the room, taking all the attention from us. The gowns the newborns wore were tasteful, yet daring, so thought my sisters. Vivinna most decidedly did not appear amused as she had wanted Bella and Mary Alice to be front and center in order to manipulate alliances worldwide – not her father's third wife. At the third fulminating glance, Mary Sue used the family channel to inform Vivinna,

"_You threw Bella at the immortal world without bothering to think about how weak humans are."_

"_She has the blood of three great families running through her veins,"_ Vivinna parried, a not so subtle dig at Mary Sue's background. _"She will learn our ways."_

"_That is what you don't seem to get, lady."_ Mary Sue gave as good as she got, _"Bella should not have to. She hates being stared at, and that won't change whether she's human or immortal. This is the only time she will be put on display for so large a crowd."_

"_Who do you think you are?"_ Vivinna seethed.

"_Why bless me for my poor manners,"_ Mary Sue cooed, _"I am Mary Sue Catharnai, your new step-mother which makes me the Queen of the Lost Covens."_

"_You are my father's new mate, that does not give you power to rule,"_ Vivinna seemed amused.

"_Before you have a hissy fit and go running to your Daddy, you should know he agrees,"_ Mary Sue rejoined._ "Edward asked me to make sure that he and Bella were left in peace tonight. We definitely must meet for algae soon so you can help me with my deplorable manners. Just think of the shame I could heap on the family without your help." _

She winked impudently at Vivinna, took King Larce's hand, and said to him, "I can't wait to see you on the dance floor, darling."

Much to my surprise Caius and Aro showed up with their wives and stood and behaved as if everything was perfectly normal. Except that part about the King being in charge, not them. But they put on a wonderful show of diplomacy that kept every immortal that did not have their eyes plastered to the newborns watching the whole time.

The news that septuplets had mated with the Telecles sons and the Cartharnai line as well had everyone foaming at the mouth with interest. The sight of them all on the dance floor captivated the majority of the room as all were excellent dancers that moved, so said the highly amused Rosalie, just shy of being proper. I supposed they had spent too much time in Las Vegas as showgirls. Skeevy looked dapper in a suit by his beaming bride Merrisol. I kept her well out of Bella's path in case she became hungry.

Bella whispered, "Merrisol has interesting . ."

I cut her off, "Newborns eyes glow that way."

Bella gulped.

"For how long?" She whispered, looking as if she was going to be ill. I fanned at her.

"It varies from one to two years, sometimes longer. And Bella, no one will ever force you to become immortal if you change your mind."

Seeing her distress, Mary Sue accompanied by her spouse, gave Bella a hug and a peck on the cheek and promised to come and visit. Her Great-Grandfather embraced both Bella and Mary Alice and claimed them as kin. And that was that.

After an interminable hour, Bella said to Arria, "I am feeling tired. I am going home now." What she meant to say was, "Edward is looking tired so we are leaving now."

Arria said, "You did well, child. Go in peace."

As soon as we were away from the crowd, I said, "That was . . . "

"Ghastly," Bella finished.

Decimus chuckled, "Bella, you showed yourself to be a Telecles tonight."

My eyes began to droop. I knew that a training session was about to begin regardless of my social calendar, and Decimus hauled us back to the house. I fell asleep in my suit. When I woke up hours later, thanks to Grace's helpful observations, I found that Bella had managed to get me out of the jacket, tie, belt, shoes and socks without me being awake for any of it. Which again, was totally unfair. Especially the belt part.

Mary Alice informed us solemnly the next morning that she was sorry to say, but the newborns had remained clothed all evening long. Which had not stopped them from being the belles of the ball for one second. And my sister had a vision she showed me of gobs of people dying to our North that did not bode well.

Mary Alice's vision along with reports of some unusual activity in Canada and Oregon dampened our day. Marcus informed us that our visit to my house would be postponed. We hid our disappointment and took advantage of the attic. Bella had a game called twenty questions that the Clearwaters had taught her. And I was horrible at it because I could not read her mind. Which, like most things in my life, was wrong. The things Bella chose usually stemmed from our vacations, which I found fascinating because aside from that there was absolutely no logic in her selections.

The whole family took turns training with Marcus and his men. Father had a squad that he educated in treating battle wounds, and we had a warehouse producing both poisons and antidotes alongside spears, arrows, and new and improved vampire blades using a design Emmett and Teitu had collaborated to forge. Peter and Charlotte came down from Alaska, and told tales of entire cities burned to the ground.

From their tales, it sounded like the Denali coven was almost as busy as we were, and Benedict and his family went up to help them encourage people to forget about oh, I am sure lots of things. Marcus had sent them troops to help rebuild. It was a sign of how desperate that she was that Tanya accepted the aid, seeing as the Volturi had ordered her late mother executed for creating an immortal child. Tanya had studiously avoided them or hearing news of them with religious fervor ever since they had spared her and her sisters.

We had all taken the GED, and the appropriate officials at Dartmouth and several other colleges had been financially encouraged to overlook pesky details like deadlines and admit me along with Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rosalie insisted that they were done with school and planned on raising their growing-like-weeds children. Grace showed me that while I had been sleeping, Bella discreetly had mailed a letter to Dartmouth putting off her admission for health reasons.

"So Dartmouth," I said.  
"Can wait."

"Why?"

"Do you really think Marcus would permit us out of his sight right now? I don't see this Maria problem ending any time soon. And I wanted to reserve a slot for later."

"Where you go, so shall I, my lady fair." With that, my whole family put off college. We were now drop outs in every sense of the word.

Peter and Charlotte spent hours with Marcus and Jasper answering questions about Maria and all they recalled of her. I would have preferred not to eavesdrop, but knowledge was power, so I pushed my scruples aside and took note of every word and image I could steal from their minds. Some of their memories were positively harrowing. Peter and Charlotte were alive only by virtue of being ruthless on the battlefield. They had only been with Maria for two years before she had ordered them killed and Jasper had let them escape. So Jasper spent most of the time talking. My poor brother. His life really had been hell.

Forks had returned to "normal" believing that the band of home invaders had been killed in a fiery fight with Chief Swan thanks to some sneaky tricks of Marcus and friends. Paula was having a house built that could fit everyone and the builders were taking their own sweet time about it. Charlie did not like the idea of cleaning out Bella's room to have Jacob move in it, and was under the delusion that his daughter might actually want the house that he did not raise her in, so he was fine with this arrangement. And seeing as he showed more affection towards his daughter, I refrained from shattering his neck. But only just.

Hezekiah's training had been showing good results and I had been working for an hour a day with Seth and Paula to keep my word to the tribe. Paula, despite being spiritually fumigated and all of demons still had a black nimbus – albeit a much smaller one that radiated around her but she was becoming stronger every day. Seth showed promise.

At the end of one lesson, Paula said privately to me through the shaman link,_ "Edward, I still have not been able to connect with all the minds of the pack, and John is not talking to me much these days. We need to know what happened while we were gone."_

I had no idea what she expected me to do. I was not at the top of the list of favorite people in the tribe's mind, although they begrudgingly conceded that I had brought them aid. Lots of aid. The school had been rebuilt in record time, houses quickly constructed, the roads repaved, we had even set up a new park for the children to play.

"_Edward, I need you to speak with him. I'll listen in. He's coming to dinner tonight. I suggest a stroll through the woods."_

Ordinarily, I did not like being ordered around. Although ordinarily I permitted people do it all the time feigning meekness galore. In this case, however, I did not mind having Paula being able to listen in and offer advice about what to say. And Paula knew it, the silver-tongued litigator.

"_Agreed."_

Marcus stunned us by announcing prior to dinner that Bella and I could take our vacation the next day. Bella's face lit up and she offered one of her rare smiles. I was counting the hours until we could leave. I know it was selfish seeing as we lived under the threat of Maria and all, but the constant surveillance, I could tell was chafing at Bella. She needed this more than I did. She hurried upstairs and packed a bag for us both. I even suggested that her mongrel of a dog Genghis could accompany us seeing as she had become attached to the mutt. And he appeared to tolerate my presence and did not transform into anything that would give me a decent excuse to kill him. Drat. But still. I made this sacrifice to see her smile. The dog absolutely worshipped the ground Bella walked on, and once he realized that I did too, we seemed to come to a mutual peace of sorts. Having remembered the Newfoundland from all those years ago, I gained a new appreciation for Genghis and did my best to show him that provided he minded his manners and realized that I was alpha, he was in safe hands.

John arrived accompanied by Jacob, Seth, and Leah.

I asked Seth and Leah, "I need to talk to John, can you please keep Bella company? I left out the, "so I don't have to strangle Jacob?" part because of any of us, Leah was more likely to do the right thing, I mean – lose control and pounce on him first. Paula had only recently explained that whole quadruple-murdering-by-the way not only was your late parent a bastard but you are, too. Congratulations! You're not really blood family. I suppose Jacob lurking in the cemetery by his late mother's grave meant he did not take the news well. But at least he had stopped putting flowers on those of his happily-dead-to-me rotting in the evermore father. I had enjoyed moving the cheap grocery-store bought blooms from grave to grave with a little help from Grace.

I had stopped doing that when Starched Shirt Edward tapped me on the shoulder and had said while peering down at Jacob, "I might not like the scamp. He compared our dear little peach to dog excrement. But," Starched Shirt Edward had sighed and had waved an index finger at me, "he gave her breath when she had none. Consider how much we miss our beloved human parents. Stop taunting his attempts to honor his kin." Amazing how such earnest entireties sprung from him while the pipsqueak clutched a copy of an Edgar Allan Poe story.

Jugurtha had agreed, "He does not have all that much character to begin with, although he showed potential with saving Bella. He's like a bean sprout in the Sahara. Don't impede the little he has from growing. Besides, if anyone found out we would look silly and cruel."

Starched Shirt Edward continued his lecture. "We have not detected him obsessing over our dear little peach once since we returned. He has also left her alone. Perhaps he is growing now that he is free from his father's influence? Jacob has been nice to his aunt and kind to John, his grandfather."

"Edward?" John's bass interrupted my mental debate, "would you mind walking with me in the garden?" Amazing. If I didn't know better, I would think he was a mind reader. I knew he lacked that skill aside from the whole communicating via the wolf link. But still.

When we were a quarter of a mile from the house I suggested, "Why not stop here? The view is magnificent." I guided him to a log because John's feet began to drag. In the moonlight, John appeared exhausted. He did not push my hands away when I said, "I am a doctor, and would like to examine your throat if you do not mind." His glands were swollen, and his lungs sounded poor.

"It's just the tail end of the bronchitis. I'm on antibiotics. I went to the clinic today to make sure I was not contagious. I did not want to risk getting Bella sick." Marcus' men had rebuilt the clinic in record time and re-staffed it as well. "Edward, I'm too old to stay alpha much longer. After we take care of the threat from Maria, I plan to retire. We have a problem."

"What is it?"

"When Paula created all the wolves, there was so much chaos; many of them formed their own packs."

I already knew this. But said nothing. Grace had kept a watch on the tribe for me.

"We have one small one that I cannot link minds with and they are young and immature."

"Are they stupid?" I could not help but think of Jacob.

"That they are."

"What do you fear?"

"I've heard rumors they do not like our contact with your family and the other vampires. After all they have seen, it is almost impossible for them to imagine vampires as being peaceful and meaning them no harm."

Frankly, the lost coven vampires ignored the Quileute wolves. They considered them a lesser mutation seeing as they had fought by and against European wolves for centuries.

"_One of them aspires to rule the entire tribe."_ Paula said in my mind, _"Ask him about it."_

"Who is their alpha?"

"His name is Peter Lake. He's a hothead even by young wolf standards. I would have willingly turned Jacob before him."

I searched through the minds of the pack like a librarian hunting for a stray volume. Guided by John's mental image of the man, I found him sitting at his home surrounded by three other wolves and shared the view with Paula. Judging by their appearance, they must have been munching on anabolic steroids for the past few months. With most tribe members, the growth spurt made them more impressive. These fools looked like reflections in a funhouse mirror disproportionately wagging in the air.

Peter chugged a beer, his sixth it appeared, a common vintage that made Budweiser actually smell better. He belched and pounded his chest, before lying back on the weight bench and lifting a barbell into the air. "We kill John and that leech Jasper and the rest will go away. It'll be easy. We'll have to add in Paula and that candy-assed Eddie."

Candy? I did not have sweets in my pockets when I did put food in them. I had nuts. He must be drunker than he appeared.

Paula whispered, _"Ask John about what happened while we were gone."_

"Can you tell me what happened while I was gone?"

John stilled and grimaced. "Edward, remember that I could not link with everyone, right?"

"Right."

"So that means I've had to piece together events and some we never will know the answer to."

"Why?"

"The night Paula was attacked at her house; she managed to turn over three hundred people who had nothing but stories they firmly believed were legends. I felt the terror of many of them as they phased."

"Did they all phase at once?" They had when I had performed the ceremony.

"No, that's what made it so bad. About a third phased immediately, but they were all on the reservation and the pack managed to get to them fast. We had to pass word through the tribe and everyone watched for signs that someone could phase. Lots of people had to drag young men out of rooms with little excuse. We told the public that we had a wave of measles and needed to stay to ourselves. Your Father's doctor friend helped."

"How did the tribe take the news that the legend was real?"

"Not well. You can explain a growth spurt that happens to a young person away. I was always big so I did not grow after I phased. But many of the middle-aged men and women did. They had to quit their jobs and go into hiding because they grew several inches in a week. We had parents phasing in front of children. Three died that way." He sighed. I hung my head remembering John's mauling at the hands of his brother all those years ago.

John stared off for a while, and then opened his mind to me for the words he could not say. They'd had three people who had planned on selling their stories to the press. Another had wanted to start a reality show.

"I am sorry. That must have been horrible."

"I am the alpha. I made the decision that they had to die. The vampires that attacked that night solved the problem for me and we had our first major battle. The other side did not expect us to put up much of a fight and when they saw we could kill them, they retreated. We thought we would be safe if we kept up patrols. We were fools."

"Why?"

"Jasper did a fine job training us. And we had been around long enough to be able to control our rage. Many of the newly transformed wolves in combat went mad or forgot their training. So Victoria came back with reinforcements. Everything went to hell pretty quickly. She showed up with a few of those European wolves. We could handle the vampires. We had no idea how to fight the European wolves. They were bigger, stronger, and better trained. The only way we could take them was for several of us to gang up on a single one at a time. That cost us lives."

"Oh."

"In the months that followed, there were several attacks where all the witnesses are dead. Many of the ones that turned wolf later on were not able to link with the pack; they died the quickest, and took their memories to the grave."

At the pictures I gleaned of vivisected corpses, men both young and old dead in human and wolf form. One had been a grandfather to the grandson he had his paws wrapped around trying to staunch the bleeding when he had been speared by a vampire. John and the pack had to bury them in mass graves. I grew absorbed in staring at a deer fern. Shame snaked through me like a poisonous cloud.

"_Edward, knock it off,"_ Paula all but shouted through our link, _"Feeling that way dulls your power. We can't undo what happened but we do need to understand it."_

I forced my voice to remain even and asked the next question, prodded by Paula.

"What happened next?"

"Harry was murdered. Charlie suspected Billy. But we knew by scent that it had been vampires. Gregory Clearwater tried to insist that he was now the tribe's chief. I had to pay him a little visit. He changed his tune when I showed him pictures of what they'd done to Harry's body."

John fell silent thinking at Harry's grotesque death of his friend. I knew Victoria was insane, but butchering Harry, literally, and leaving a bloody swan on his chest, that took the crazy-ex wife genre to entire unparalleled levels.

John and I sat absorbing the sounds from the forest. I could hear pine cones rolling nearby where a family of raccoons scattered them in their haste to be away from the predators they sensed.

"His murderer left a note demanding that we hand over Bella and Alice or more would die and they massacred fifty new wolves that night. . ." John cleared his throat and coughed, spitting to the side.

"Three nights later we were attacked again on our north border. They had a larger force and this time threw an army of European wolves at us. We had some dynamite laying around that we used on them, but we knew they'd be back when they retreated. The original pack did their best to train people. We were overwhelmed and frightened without Paula and you and your family."

I patted him on the back to help clear his lungs as he had another bout of coughing.

John continued, "We called everyone in your family. We even had Bella try all the numbers in case we had recorded them wrong." The image of a sober Bella slowly pressing out each number passed through his mind as I heard each call fail or go straight to voice mail. "I left messages. When you did not answer, we believed you were all dead. Fergus said he had never been much of a fighter. He tried to help us where he could with making up death certificates and such, but he was not leader material."

John explained, "Sergei and his family showed up then and scared the life out of us. I'd never seen any human that big. They took to patrolling the area around the reservation, and they helped train us in how to fight their kind. When the enemy's army started becoming larger and the attacks more frequent, Sergei and I sent a message to Arria's coven and asked that they shelter Bella and help us."

"Were they not guarding her? I had left instructions."

"Yes," John nodded and wheezed, "They were already guarding her from a distance during the day. After Harry's death, Charlie and Bella had moved to the farmhouse along with the Clearwaters. Arria was away on business almost the entire time quelling uprisings. I had to deal with her number two," John clearly was not impressed by the man as he spat a glob of sputum on the earth, "He agreed to guard Bella, but said the Clearwaters and the tribe were on their own because he had not been ordered otherwise. I don't think he gave my messages to Arria. Sue died a month later. By that time, Bella was so sick, and we were dealing with almost nightly attacks."

Paula said, _"I think we have asked him enough for one night, Edward. I have been reading through our history and there is a rite we can do to bring the different packs into one. I'll need your help to do it. Tell John."_

"Paula and I think we have a way to bring the different packs together. We will try later on tonight to see if we can make it work. John, I am so sorry that I was not there for you. There is a possibility that I might not survive this battle. That leaves you with Paula who is going to stay out of it to protect the tribal memories."

He grunted, relieved by his perceptions, because no one wanted to fight along side her.

"I'll do what I can about the tribe with Paula," John promised. "I need some kind of spiritual help from you. The waiting Maria out plan that Marcus has makes good sense, but the young wolves are frightened every time they open the news paper. I need help keeping them calm so they don't phase all the time. We tried sedating them but then they couldn't phase when they needed to. And this place has become so stuffed with vampires in the past few months we need to come up with some way to tell friend from foe."

When we stood, John fainted. "I believe this is the part where I invite you to spend the night at our guest cottage," I announced to his sleeping body as I slung him across a shoulder and walked back to the mansion.

I texted Father and Rosalie and asked them to meet me in Paula's cottage. They both took an alarmed look at John as I deposited him in Jacob's bedroom.

John had a good point. We really did need to come up with a way to let the wolves know friend from foe. And being supernatural creatures, we fought at a speed that shouting, "Remember the Alamo!" to refrain from killing friendly forces really would not be helpful.

Marcus had taken the stance that he was not going to spread his army out defending other cities. Any vampire that wanted to live had to choose: hide from Maria and quite possibly die, or come to Washington State and join his army. His ranks had swollen in the past few months. And his troops had taken the newcomers and trained them to the point where even Jasper seemed satisfied.

Using the wolf link, I said to Jacob, _"Your grandfather has fainted. Do you think you can stay with him tonight in your room at Paula's cottage?"_ I hated even admitting the overgrown gnome lived with us.

"Sure." He seemed a bit disturbed at my voice in his mind and leapt into the air scattering his reading material all over the floor. I entered the cottage and carried John to the bedroom.

I ignored the pornographic magazines that Jacob had sitting on the floor by the bed. I definitely did not see the shots of women with unnaturally enhanced bosoms and vacuous smiles. Guiltily swinging his foot like a golf club, Jacob pushed the magazines under the bed. Fear flashed on his face when he noted John's pallor.

"Grandpa John, are you ok?"

Father gently took his hand to prevent him from shaking John's shoulder. "Jacob, he is asleep and needs his rest. He is in remarkable shape for someone of his age, and the wolf powers will help him heal."

Jake stood about eight inches taller than me, and outweighed me by a hundred pounds. He had stopped fantasizing about wedding Bella, as a matter of fact, had not really engaged in a single one since we had returned. Peculiar, considering he was an inveterate stalker. I left him alone because I realized he kept Charlie occupied when Paula was not with him and stayed well away from Bella. He left me alone because he knew from personal experience and from reading the wolf pack's memories that I would squash him like a spinach leaf if he so much as blinked at me in a manner I found disrespectful.

"Your aunt and I need to conduct shaman business."

"I got this," Jake said as he pulled a blanket over his grandfather.

I left Jacob Black with his grandsire and walked by the side of his Aunt while best unspoken remorse and guilt accompanied shadowed us back to the house.

Paula offered one last thought as we entered the mansion, _"Edward, we need to think about who is strong enough to take John's place. He's right. No one will accept me as alpha. Where should we try this?"_

"_Jasper is in the library. Let's kill two birds with one stone."_ We found my brother ensconced with Marcus and Thucer poring over historical tracts about battles won long ago.

I asked Grace for her assistance and summoned the spirits. So many arrived to help that the power circles around the house began to make exploding noises as they crossed the threshold and leapt into either Paula or me.

"Edward, why are you summoning the spirits? Are we under attack?" Jasper could not contain the excitement from his voice. After the bodies I had seen in John's memories I wanted to vomit in the trash can.

"Not yet. Trying to unify the different packs into one," I panted as a particularly heavy and ancient spirit stomped across my nape in baseball cleats on his way inside. I surfed through the ever-so-ploddingly unwinding skein of ancestral memories and found a chant that I thought might be of assistance.

Paula cut me off and asked sweetly in Quileute, "Spirits, it would save the tribe if all the wolves could be as one as you intended and hear John Quill. Aid us. Give strength to the young ones so they keep even tempers around innocents." Right. Effective that.

I added in my own request to keep Peter's collection of trolls out of the loop. The spirits agreed. We could feel hundreds of minds doing the equivalent of, "What the goodness is all that racket in my head?"

Paula hissed at me that I needed to say something. Me? Talk? She elbowed me hard, _"They won't listen to me right now. Speak up and tell them that you asked the powers to unify them to help with the upcoming battle." _That sounded perfectly reasonable.

I said, _"The spirits want you to be able to communicate." _

Paula huffed. What? I had said exactly what she wanted.

Sam quickly understood what we were about and said through the wolf link, "Thanks to our shaman and Edward, you are all now one with the original pack. We use this to communicate and it will increase the odds that we can save the tribe and fight better." Exactly. See? I need not say another word.

Paula said out loud to me, "Stay with Bella. Jasper and I are going to pay a visit."

Jasper flipped a page, "Do you require an escort somewhere, Paula?"

"There's a renegade pack Edward kept from joining into the wolf link. They plan on killing Edward, John, me, and you."

"Me?" Jasper actually brightened. He managed to evince both malice and viciousness in one toothy grin.

She patted him on the arm, "You." Paula asked me via the shaman link, _"A little help here?"_

"Grace showed me something tonight." Despite the whole pounding skull problem, I managed to share with Jasper, Marcus, and Thucer the image of the misshapen mounds that passed for young wolves as they drank and belched their way to oblivion and ineptly plotted an attack on Jasper. They could not figure out a way to get him from the house. Morons.

Jasper rolled his eyes. I believe he thought words to the effect that he was going to take the time to dispatch them all out of Christian charity. The tribe so owed him for deigning to deal with these idiots.

"Why, Miss Paula, thank you so much for enlightening me about these mischievous scamps. Why don't we pay them a social call to express our utmost regards?" He oozed southern charm.

"Why, Mr. Whitlock, I had the same idea," Paula adopted a really awful southern accent, curtsied to him and kicked off her stiletto heels. "I'll meet you in the holler out back in a jiffy." Paula left the house to disrobe behind a tree and phase.

Thucer stuttered, "We should take men along in case."

Marcus concurred.

Jasper chortled as he left the library and all but did the Irish jig to the house that held the rebel pack. Marcus sent along a few legionnaires with his sons to make sure that Jasper behaved himself.

Grace and I had to watch to make sure everyone was ok, and fine, out of morbid amusement. Jasper politely knocked on their door, and tapped his boot impatiently.

A semi-drunken Peter answered and slurred, "Hey fellas, the leech came to us. How bout that?" He hiccupped and said, "I guess I have to invite you in, right?" He belched loudly without covering his mouth.

"That would be the polite thing to do, yes," Jasper answered.

Peter spat at Paula's feet and said, "Figures you'd be with him. Blood-drinking traitor bitch."

Paula had not been taught the ceremony to un-make a wolf. We had not had time. I spoke the words into her mind after Jugurtha suggested it. She phased into human form. Jasper ripped off his jacket so fast one would have expected my sister to be in the vicinity and handed it to Paula. She donned it, smiled sweetly and chanted the words.

"Great, she shows up with the pale sucker and starts rambling. Are you screwing him, too? Well, let's get this over with."

Jasper said, "I'm afraid that I'm greatly offended that you have insulted this fine lady's honor. I'm going to have to express my disdain if you do not immediately apologize."

"Like hell. She is the reason why all this happened!" Peter whined. "I'm not taking anything back, and you can't make me."

He tried to phase and nothing happened.

His mouth opened to protest and his body collapsed into itself as the entire house dropped into a sinkhole of fire. Both Jasper and Paula jumped out of the way.

Thucer tsked. "You waste time talking." That man was a chip off the old block. Scary as hell.

He headed back towards home alongside the grinning Teitu.

"Contain the fire," his brother ordered the legionnaires they left behind.

Officially, the death of the men was going to be attributed to a gas fire water heater explosion. Within ten minutes, the rumor zipped through the tribe that John had ordered them executed because they refused to join the pack. Neither Paula nor I felt the need to correct that misapprehension.

Feeling my work was done for the night, I crept into the bedroom since the light was off and Bella in bed.

"Where have you been?" Bella asked. I jumped guiltily.

"John Quill is ill. I escorted him to Paula and your Father's cottage. He is spending the night with Jacob guarding him." That was far better than saying, "Oh, nothing dear, I just arranged for the murder of five annoying wolves and forced the compliance of the renegade packs by scaring them senseless with a mental bond." She might think I had control issues. Ridiculous.

"He looked bad at dinner. I didn't want to say anything."

"Father says he should be fine." Bella had her back to me facing the shuttered glass wall. She rubbed at her forehead.

"Did you take your medication?" I saw the bottles lined up on the bedside table. Bella had taken to sleeping with her vampire blade within reach. Our engagement portrait sat behind it.

"Yeah, which is why my headache does not make sense." Her necklace began shining.

Cautiously, I pulled her back against my chest and stroked her temples. I did not mind doing that for an hour. She deserved to be adored. There was no army I was not willing to face, nor a corner of Hell that I feared to cross that would bar me from defending her right to live, and my right to be by her side. Before I slipped off to sleep I felt her kiss my forehead and heard her softly say, "Edward, thank you."

I was going to relive that memory over and over just as soon as I woke up. And I was never going to wash my forehead. She kissed me.

Bella had nightmares almost every evening. She did not scream like she used to, and we no longer needed to sedate her. When asked, she would shrug her shoulders and say they were not so bad and change the subject. Dreams allegedly are the stomping ground of the subconscious. I have experienced my fair share of them in the past year since I began sleeping. Some showed me episodes from my mortal life; others left me shaking with portents of doom and destruction.

Jugurtha said, "You know, you are having more of these lately. We should discuss them." Right. Later.

I had a hard time distinguishing between visions and dreams. My human Mother sat in front of an easel and painted. Her chair sat on a flat rock that huddled with others in the middle of a lake so cerulean blue it seared the eyes.

"Pay attention, now, Edward, I'm about to show you something important."

Considering what she had shown me the last time, she now had my undivided attention.

At the touch of a tendril of fog, her face morphed into Maria. We stood in a burning prairie that sounded and smelled like a scene from the apocalypse. The pungent odor of scorched rubber almost made me lose my lunch. I could hear people screaming as glass shattered and reverberations shook the earth. And the sensation of so many minds bombarding mine at once – it felt like I was being swarmed by bees.

"I believe you call this Nebraska?" She giggled. Her army had literally obliterated an entire city – I was not sure which one. "I have a bargain for you," Dream Maria preened.

"Like you did with Annie Whitlock? No, thanks."

Dream Maria laughed which caused a row of blisters to burst on her cheek and drain pus, "I can't help it if the woman lost track of her husband." She made a moue with her swollen black lips and spat a wad of something vile to the side. It crawled like a slug with a tarantula's furry legs towards me. What was that going to do, attack my shoe? Really. This woman, no wonder she chose Phoenix. They were flunking partners in Bad Villainy 201.

She twirled a hank of her matted hair, "Give me Alice and I'll leave without a fight."

"I'm waiting for the fear part."

"Excuse me? I destroyed an entire city!"

I tapped my foot, and crossed my arms, and threw in an eye roll, "Dream Maria, you are trying to do a fear appeal. Classic psychology. In order to make it work, though, you have to first, be a credible source. Second, make me believe that some kind of danger is imminent to me or better yet since I am male, mine. Third, in order to be effective you have to give me a way out. So far, I'm failing you at two out of three. Phoenix and James were easy to dispatch and entertaining as well - albeit unintentionally. So you razed a town in Nebraska. You have been doing the same routine of redundancy for decades. Annihilating humans is simple. Exceedingly bored now."

"Give me Alice, or I'll make what I did to Jasper's family look like child's play," she barked.

"Hmm, let me think on that. No." I answered at wolfpyre speed.

If this were real that demon inside of her would be reaching for me like one of those competitive eaters at the first sight of a meal and then going after Alice. No one would expect Demon Edward carrying off Mary Alice. This Dream Edward, therefore, felt free to be obnoxious and loose-lipped. What could a mere dream do to me, after all, that could possibly compare to the visions I had experienced? If I could imagine myself dealing head on with my fears this would make my real life easier.

Using a long-suffering tone, I asked the spirits out loud if they would please keep me from being pestered by repulsive ex-girlfriends of my Lothario brother. Helpfully, I re-translated parts of that message into Oscan to be clear in my aspersions. They erected a ring between Dream Maria and me as she lunged, swollen fingers curved into claws. The spirits jerked me out of her reach as one of her knuckles seemed to burst like a grape. She threw back her head and screamed, spouting all sorts of badly accented Oscan mixed with grammatically-challenged Spanish shaking her right hand.

"Quite a feat. You conjugate ineptly in two languages. And your Oscan accent is atrocious. Next time aim higher and use more effort. Remember, you are supposed to be terrifying."

Jugurtha tried to say something and I hissed at him that I really did not need the distraction at the moment, thank you very much, I had this handled.

In Dream Maria's eyes - behind the rage - I discerned no trace of anything that could resemble a soul. The demon must be on its last legs. Perhaps that was the message I was supposed to understand from this. Her irises should have been maroon due to that diet of hers, but the entire time they had gleamed pure black, like polished gagate.

"If you had any idea of the power that I have, you would not have such a smart mouth, you fool."

"Stalker. 'No means no,' and Jasper made it abundantly clear when he left fifty so years ago that he was done with you with that subtle message of killing all the troops under his command. And seriously, taking revenge on Caius by babysitting his spawn? Last, but not least, butchering humans that resemble my family members? We received that message months ago. Doing it over and over makes you look moronic. I am not impressed. Bye now. I suggest a facial or five thousand. And go back and re-read Machiavelli a time or five seeing as you completely fail at being feared and loved."

Dream Maria's bloated cheeks seemed to have something crawling under their surface like maggots. She vomited black goo down her ripped dress front. Which did not help with the intimidation factor. I think the demon had chewed through her to the point nothing remained but a sagging edifice of a wretched being, about ready to tumble.

"I am a vampire who has been playing at being a human for a century, and a physician. So I am supposed to cavil in fear at the sight of you regurgitating? Still not scared. And I do mean to be rude, so if I have to give you fashion and beauty tips, you really are damned given my ignorance of all things popular. I promised Jasper he could have the first shot at you. I would wish you a good evening, but that would be lying. Can you please hurry up and get to Forks so I can kill you? It should only take a second or two of your limited time."

Without further ado, I walked towards a glowing door that I knew meant home.

Dream Maria simpered, "Nice ass." My posterior was not nice. I had that on good authority from legions of human women over the past century, as they rated it everything from fantastic to scrumptious and even hot. This definitely was a dream. She threw out more verbal bait, "You are cute when you're angry. You'll be back. Men always crawl back to me when they realize their mistakes."

"Right. Like Jasper?" Preposterous prognosticator. Armed with a half-wit and decidedly delusional, Dream Maria became too cartoonish even for me to tolerate. Jasper was so far two-for-two in the demented ex-lover quota. I really did not want to meet any of the other immortals he had seduced.

Women. Crazy every last one of them. Especially mine. I marveled as I opened the doorway that led home, and slammed and shielded it against Dream Maria. Clearly this exercise had served its purpose. I probably talked more to Dream Maria than I did to my entire family the first decade Jasper and Mary Alice lived with us. I said to Jugurtha, "Remind me to be less chatty when I face her in real life."

"Noted," he scribbled in my planner. He seemed awfully quiet.

Bella needed me. She could have a bad dream. Or an asthma attack. Or trip getting out of bed over the suitcase she had packed for us both. I had to return to her - if only for the privilege of lying by her for a few minutes more. For reasons beyond my comprehension, she let me near her and held me tight while she slept. Considering I was not worthy of kissing the hem of her nightgown, it awed me still. Like she did.

Thinking of my warm bed, I had much better things to do with my hands at that moment than stand around threatening Dream Maria. Proper husbandly things to do with Bella, that is. Honest. Without my hands. Fine. A fiend could dream. I still got the girl in the end anyway.

I understood that Jasper and Marcus wanted to wait Maria out and force her to come to them. But really, this was becoming tedious. Seeing as she was now invading my dream time that meant I really needed to dispatch Maria post haste.

Sorry Jasper. No one came between me and Bella. Stalkers Keepers. Losers Seepers.

"Edward," Marcus iceberg like hand shook me. He was accompanied by all his not so merry men – well the ones that could fit in the bedroom aside from my family. They acted awfully upset as I peered up at them feeling like I lay on the forest floor staring up at moss encrusted looming trees. Privacy please? Had they ever heard of the quaint custom of knocking? I so could not wait for our vacation as I looked longingly at our suitcase.

"What?" I croaked. My mouth tasted horrid. I think I had now developed halitosis? That could not be good. I needed more mouthwash strips. Immediately. Jugurtha quietly wrote that down in my planner.

"Edward, where is Bella?" Marcus said.

I blinked at him as if he suddenly switched to a foreign tongue.

Her space beside me on the mattress was warm, but empty so said my grasping fingers as they fumbled on the lonely cotton. She must be in the bathroom. The door was shut and the light showing underneath the crack. Except my gift showed me the room had no sign of her but a hair brush that lay cracked in half on the tile floor. The daisy I had given her was threaded through her engagement ring and sat on the table by her medication bottles.

We all experienced the vision at the same time, Dream Maria stood with Dream Bella at some castle that seemed right out of a Boris Karloff movie. Fog curled around their feet and Dream Bella was barefoot, shivering, and defiant. I had to be imagining this again, because Real Bella would never traipse about wearing a black tight evening gown that revealing. For goodness sakes, some thief had sold her half a dress. She would never even leave the closet she was so modest before others, in such skimpy attire.

Admittedly, she appeared fetching in it. I would have to purchase something similar for her to wear in a short version so she would not trip over the skirt once we were wed. And I could not see her engagement ring. Surely my subconscious would manifest that detail accurately? The cloud of bats fluttering in the sky only added to the 'this is not real and you clearly still have issues with being a vampire' refrain that Starched Shirt Edward sang.

Jasper's ex-partner cooed after wiping away charcoal drool on the sleeve of her gore-encrusted dress that somehow managed to stink exactly like it had in my other dream, "Hello, my dear, my name is Maria, and we are definitely not going to be friends."

Now, see? That right there was definite proof. That did not happen because I had seen Mary Alice's vision months back. Neither Bella nor Maria had been at that location wearing those outfits looking like they had escaped from the back-lot of a B-grade horror movie. And Real Bella would either faint, vomit, or both at the scent of Dream Maria coated in soot and blood.

Then I took a good look at the necklace Dream Bella sported that had two glimmering pendants hanging from it as both shimmered a familiar white light. And my confidence turned to cinders as I realized the bitterness that coated my mouth was not a new human symptom. It was the ashes from Nebraska.

Despite being surrounded by an army, shielded by the most powerful vampires and cranky immortal priestesses, and me with the Quileute powers, Maria still spirited Bella from right under my nose while I dozed. This could not be borne. And she clearly was not in Nebraska anymore.

Without giving it much thought, I snatched the daisy and the ring. Fearfully, I began to pray.

_To thee do we cry poor banished children of Eve_, competed in my head with Genevieve's _'Don't be late.'_

Plaintively, Grace cried out, _"Sweet Girl!"_

Our engagement photo fell over and shattered.

Marcus slapped me across the face, "It's very real Edward. Give me something of Bella's so I can make a portal. Now!"

At once, objects began flying through the bedroom at Marcus. Mother threw a shirt from the dresser; Father a tennis shoe from the floor. Emmett chose an afghan folded on the sofa; Rosalie a hair bow. Jasper tossed the vampire dagger that Bella kept on the table within reach when she slept. Arria rifled through the suitcase and found a jacket, her mother Bella's favorite pen. Thurcer and Teitu searched through Bella's messenger bag tearing it in half in the process, and began trying to make their own portal. Metie snatched a scrap of embroidery but settled on a skein of amethyst yarn instead and lobbed it across the room. Pesna flung socks at his sire from the laundry hamper. All missed their moving target. They had a veritable treasure trove of Bella's things and accomplished nothing. I had no choice, therefore, but to take matters into my own fiery hands.

"Aw, Geez, Edward's head and hands just exploded with the freaky green fire. Give him some room!" Emmett yelled.

Acting so fast that I barely processed it, Marcus lunged past me and snatched up the pillow that had cushioned Bella's head. King Larce placed a shining hand on Marcus' shoulder as his son, Aranthur, and idiot grandson, Vel, accompanied by the shrieking like harpies newborns, stormed the bedroom sporting swords, spears, furry leather boots, and bless them, a horned helmet or five. This, alas, was not a Wagnerian opera.

Spitting Quileute pleas at wolfpyre speed as I focused on Bella's ring and the flower, Grace brought along a whole list of new friends to come out and slay. Old ones, too. The Quileute spirits, the usual rabble rousers did not wait for an invitation and they dove into my frame with an eager whoop or thirty. Enraged, I even silently asked in Oscan Marcus' Mother if she would mind joining.

Then, the birds unfurled from my palms and launched screaming at a large green patch of shimmering air the spirits opened. And I begged the Fitzflock that was on Bella to wake up and smell the demon venom. While occupied with hurdling into the air, my skin stung, my heart hammered, and I remembered Dream Maria's threat to outdo the destruction she had wrought upon Jasper's family.

The phantom pain of losing Bella clawed from my abattoir of vile memories and acted like rocket fuel to my rage as it pranced before my closed eyes. No one touched my little bottle cap. Grace told me the portal was open and should work.

I heard Marcus bark through the Marcus-vine, "I have a portal, get everyone up here from phase one immediately. We are attacking now."

He kicked at the base of my bed and out popped a drawer filled with wicked looking vampire blades, that I had no idea had been there in the first place. Vivinna started dispensing them swiftly like sweets to a crowd of children while warning them the blades were poisoned.

We all saw the demon's spirit rise in an oily shadow from Maria's body and pounce upon Bella.

I remember lecturing her last year while she slept about the bad company she chose – some of our best conversations - might I add - had occurred this way. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you what you are."

My wife had ignored my sage wisdom. She now surrounded herself with vicious vampires galore who had a combined body count between them that rivaled the population of China, unpredictable adolescent shapeshifters that could tear her to pieces in a fraction of a heartbeat, and hulking European werewolves, not to mention that damn dog Genghis. And her dim-wit of a parent, Chief Swan. I had to draw the line somewhere. Now demons wanted to come and play? Bella Cullen was not going to be consorting with any fiend but me.

Jugurtha roared, "The portal you made is open. Cease lollygagging and jump!"

My heart sped along with Bella's and it hurt to breathe. I knew this feeling all too well, having experienced it in a nightmare or ninety. The vision went black as I howled in fury and dove through the glowing fire after my life and my love.

* * *

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/endofthedarkbyMarcAdamus (dot) jpg

**Snarky Summary: Oh noes! This is the part where I need to remind you what that pesky demon looks like. *shows picture from wallet* See? Gross, right? Even CC Tanya would not sleep with that. Really. She says so. *blinks***

**http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/dronebycandylab (dot) jpg**

**Books makes sad panda face at CC Bella. Who in the first arc of this story is human. And demon-free. Well, sorta. She's not got this guy stuffed in her bra, ok? So where were we? **

**Bella and Edward and Alice played games in bed. Marcus and the Telecles family joined in on the action. No one died. Edward decides to go acalling Marcus' Momma to cut a deal and show her his etchings. And lives to tell the tale without her going batshit. Paula, Seth, and Edward are working on those Quileute lessons. All the Cullen "children" take and pass the GED along with Bella. College plans are made. And then made again. Edward and John talk about tribal history – all that happened while he was gone. Paula and Jasper fix a diplomatic issue with a little help from Thurcer and Teitu. Edward and Bella endure a social occasion with the Lost Covens, and the newborns are the talk of the VampVerse. Maria visits Edward, who wakes up surrounded by everyone but Bella. Strap on your seat belts. Who wants to be in the room when Edward, the entire Telecles clan, and Jasper realize what has happened? *rubs hands together with evil author glee* **

**The newborns are storming! Clothed! Armed! And shrieking after their mates! Mary Sue newborn Catharnai is pissed. This Maria is interfering with a) her sex life b) her mate and c) her family and d) she's not going to take it any longer. Bella, honey, your Step-Great-Grandmother is coming. Not that way. Deviants. **

**Closing song:**

**Maneater – by Daryl Hall and John Oates. Check out that 80's hair. **

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ap-OO0xqTe4

**Urgent – by Foreigner**

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=ZRf8VV_iIwo&feature=related

**Stay tuned for the next chapter of As GooberWard Earns his Stalking Rights Back. **

**Also known by the title: As the Ulcer Burns**

**Or: As the Bitch Returns**

**Please review. It cheers my dark soul. Edward says if you do, he promises to kill Maria.**

**Edward and his mother meet here in his dreams.**

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/morningfog (dot) jpg**

**Wave Douglas!**

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Douglaswithmouthfulbyrusik-barusik (dot) jpg**

**He would like to say something, but at present he has Edward's plentiful supply of nuts in his mouth.**

**

* * *

**

**References:**

The Joy of Sex is a book that was published in 1979 and penned by Alex Comfort that had a tremendous influence on the way that couples of that generation discussed sexuality. The book was revised in 2002.

http:/www (dot) amazon (dot) com/Joy-Sex-Revised-Completely-Updated/dp/1400046149

To brush up on your Texas history:

http:/www (dot) answers (dot) com/topic/remember-the-alamo

There really is a great game called Twenty Questions:

http:/www (dot) ehow (dot) com/how_2044552_play-twenty-questions (dot) html

Boris Karloff made some great movies:

http:/www (dot) imdb (dot) com/name/nm0000472/bio

Kim Witte writes about fear appeals:

https:/www (dot) msu (dot) edu/~wittek/fearback (dot) htm

To learn more about jet, or gagate which was used in Victorian times as mourning jewelry see: http:/www (dot) cst (dot) cmich (dot) edu/users/dietr1rv/jet (dot) htm

For more on B-Movies see:

http:/www (dot) bmoviecentral (dot) com/bmc/bmc-articles/145-what-exactly-is-a-b-movie (dot) html

For more on Wagner:

http:/www (dot) wagneroperas (dot) com/

I made an allusion to the Book of Ruth Chapter one, passage sixteen at a few points in this chapter in the way that Edward is now seeing Bella:

http:/bibleresources (dot) bible (dot) com/passagesearchresults2 (dot) php?passage1=Ruth+1&book_id=8&version1=9&tp=4&c=1

"Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me."


	63. HOD pt 52 One Order of Vengeance

*****This chapter contains violence, innuendo, and snark. And a really repulsive Maria that squicked out one of my betas. You have been warned. Oh, it also contains a shameless bribe at the end from Jugurtha.*****

Songs for this chapter:

Devil Went Down To Georgia – http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=K6RUg-NkjY4

I watched this scraping my jaw off the floor. Amazing. Moosebutter – John Williams is the Man -http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=PGYAPr6UKhs&NR=1

Keep Your Hands To Yourself – Georgia Satellites -http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=16Ur45vTtw0

All links are posted on my profile if you don't like cutting and pasting.

Swan picture for the chapter is: http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/sWANS (dot) jpg

Douglas is shocked! Absolutely Shocked! As shown in this photo taken by Marina Shcherbatyuk.

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/ (dot) jpg

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

Thanks to VJGM my senior validating beta who tempts me with Glee and 80's music. Mwa-hah-hah.

Many thanks to LJ Summers and Fantasy Mother for beta-ing this chapter. JaJiTaXx beta'd Maria's dialog, and a thousand thanks to her for correcting my Spanish. Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for pre-reading and generally being a fantastic friend.

Shout outs to my muses: simaril, favludo, DawnStimson, Lady Dragona, TwilightMomofTwo, Erica Keber, CindyWindy, prettyflour, mamato, Solenoidbelle, stykks, Viridis73, writz, mortangel, redsoxlove, ChulaB, TheRavyn, hunybmom, RosalieSmiled, Mutt N. Feathers, avidreader69, JB30, Angelback, star574, jmolly, luv4edwardcullen, summerc79, akemi, photogal, Kristin Hazzard, TraceyJ, brandyoso524, Pomme_de_terre, Rogue, Kimboacp, fanficreader83, JaJiTaXx, notmyself, marsy-cat, and vampiremom1221.

Thanks to everyone for reading!

This is the picture I had turned into a banner that inspired the setting for this scene:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/HauntinglyBeautiful-500x300B (dot) jpg

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, short story long Edward is shaken, not stirred to consciousness after having a repulsive dream involving Maria. He wants you to know that his pants were dry when he woke up and he was in no way aroused – but I digress – he wakes up and his woman is a-missin'! "Oh no it's Mr. Bill!" **

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=k78TVkbrHHM

**Let's all make our Beaker face of shock together, eh?**

http:/www (dot) beakersaviary (dot) com/images/f/f1/MuppetsBeaker (dot) jpg

**And his dear little missing one's family is all kinds of concerned. They thought she was steal-proofed to the eye-balls, and can't believe someone snatched her right out of Edward's immortal super-glued-to-the-nth-degree hands and his bed. I mean, I know he was asleep and all. But really - talk about caught with his pants down - metaphorically speaking, alas. **

**And after his little blast of outrage in Italy, and a time or three in Washington State, Edward's not having that at all. He needs to kick some ass and take names. Oh yeah, and get his woman back. Edward's had some um, past problems with that whole sharing issue. Example One: Mike Newton at the end of HOD Mad Bad, and Dangerous to Know. Example Two: Jacob Black in Legacy. Other things you need to know from previous chapters that might help you with this one are as follows. Edward has human symptoms that are all kinds of irritating – heartbeat, bleeding, muscle aches, migraines, he actually has to breathe, and sensitivity to cold. And urinating. Oh the shame. *hangs head* He's all kinds of insecure about it because he says the other vampires – the haughty snotty ones – don't consider him to be a "real" immortal. Not that he gives a piss what they think. And really, if you want to quibble? They're not immortal. They can die. Someone needs to come up with a new label for the species. Demi-mortal? Marginal-Immortal?**

**Speaking of death, Maria has been taking her sweet time getting across the country to fight Marcus as she moseys past the Mississippi and stops for a quick bite of Texan food. But she's sent her own tokens of dis-regard all along the way – demonic possessed flowers, a bloody origami swan that showed up in Bella's classroom. What a sweet stalker. From a professional standpoint Main Edward is not impressed. Maria lacks dedication and discipline. He thinks. He's been stalking Bella faithfully for over fifty chapters. He should know. If you go back to the beginning of the HOD arc, Genevieve used to use Bella as a spiritual sock account, to send ambiguous messages to the Cullens, while chastising them for being dim-wits. When in that state, or delirious, Bella took to calling Edward, "Dream Edward," which he kind of sort of liked and kind of sort of hated. He was jealous of that dude Dream Edward. Because he could never really be that fantastic and charming seeing as he was a miscreant wretch. Think of it like Cyrano in a one-man play, he was jealous of the mask he played. Speaking of emotional issues, let's talk about the unhinged in more ways than one villainess: Maria.**

**So Maria, what's her deal? Maria's had a serious hard on for Caius due to him crashing her wedding, killing her groom, slaughtering her family one-by-one in front of her and enslaving her. Caius, you see, killed his BFF family when they backed out of an alliance. And Maria and Caius' wife were all but sisters. Awkward. So Maria cut a deal with some Romanians and arranged for an ambush to happen and skipped off into the sunset with Caius' only son and heir. Along the way she caused death and destruction in Jasper's life. **

**Marcus' sons Metie, Thucer, Teitu, and Pesna were killed after they fought a battle involving a demon just like the one that is in Maria. And it took all that Marcus had a thousand years ago to stomp that one out. He's quite legitimately concerned that Maria is boatloads more powerful in comparison. **

**As our chapter begins, we find Edward in his bedroom surrounded by his family. He's managed to construct a portal and is all kinds of eager to get to Bella. Because she's been jumped by a demon. She's mortal, frail, standing in front of Maria and her demon - and not dressed for combat. Worse, she is barefoot, too. She has a habit lately of leaving a vampire blade by the bed when she sleeps, which Edward has found all kinds of curious. He should - seeing as he actually does sleep at night. Mwa-hah-hah, But I digress. Edward is armed with more than his wits and lunging through a portal as we find our favorite GooberWard and his fair lady. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty Two –One Order of Vengeance with Extra Spite on the Side: How Do You Solve A Problem Called Maria?**

Seventeen schools ago, I actually felt tempted to speak when a history teacher misinformed the pupils about the origins of the "thumbs up" gesture. He erred in telling the gullible children that the Roman Emperor would use an upraised thumb to indicate whether or not a gladiator should kill his conquered foe. Actually, if the Emperor wanted the person to live he made a palms down gesture. If he decreed the fighter should die, then he showed a closed fist.

I could take an occasional hint. Sometimes. Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha made four closed fists as I snatched Bella's vampire blade and dove through the portal I had fashioned to save her. Whoever penned the phrase, "Revenge is a dish best served cold," most likely never obtained it in the first place. Truth be told, revenge was a dish best served smoking hot and savored like ambrosia from Zeus' private reserve.

Bella needed me. This was a supernatural emergency.

In my best Quileute, I asked the spirits, "I would like an order of vengeance with an extra helping of spite on the side. Now." I might possibly have spiritually snapped my fingers in an impatient and demanding gesture once or thrice.

Bellowing as the energy from the spirits surged unfettered within me, I sailed through the portal and landed on the other side. Well, I meant to gracefully. Due to that whole power surge issue, I led with my face, planted it on the ground, and slid like a baseball player across extremely cold stone towards Bella's feet. It was, I must confess, very un-immortal-like in terms of battle decorum.

As I rolled, Jugurtha said, "Hide the blade in the small of your back, let's start out by conversing." Good point. I needed my powers now anyway, the blade was a last resort.

While I had been in transit to this gloomy but pedestrian-by-Transylvanian standards castle with anemic bat flocks, the demon had pounced on Bella. I was absolutely not having that. Neither, it appeared, was my dear little sleep walker extraordinaire.

As I lunged in vain, the demon slammed into a shield that I was quite sure I had nothing to do with creating. It only made me slightly less furious to see that the entity slid like slime down an invisible wall and looking quite honestly, very un-demonlike in that moment, too. So I was not alone in my anti-hero walk of shame. Both my Mothers would have told me, both my Fathers as well, that being late to save the girl definitely constituted bad heroic etiquette. And I had done it. More than twice. Shut up.

"Save the self-flagellation for later. Kill _that thing_ immediately," Jugurtha helpfully instructed.

Thanks to Marcus' Mother's machinations, the Fitzflock had grown in height, impressively so. They certainly appeared more menacing than they had in Italy – which had been remarkable, might I add. The lads surrounded Bella and crouched and belched fire the blue color of the heart of a flame. Maria skipped back a casual step. The demon to my eyes appeared like a grey ghost that shadowed the once beautiful vampire's dilapidated body.

Bella exhaled. The frigid air turned her breath to white vapor. When Marcus' Mother had upgraded our shields she had not been jesting. Even the carbon-dioxide my dear little exasperating one exhaled hit the barrier and would not permeate. I had never seen anything similar. Now _that_ represented a new level of possessiveness I could admire.

Arms crossed as if bored, Bella tapped her bare foot on the frosty stone.

"Wow," she addressed Maria and her demon in Oscan, "Don't you think you should bother to ask before possessing someone? It seems the polite thing to do." This was followed by, "What took you so long?" Bella asked me while genuinely smiling. Her poor toes were turning red with the cold as a wind blew down from the mountains and she grabbed the dress' skirt.

Which was all kinds of distracting because I had to be reminded by Jugurtha with a smack to the back of the skull that I was an enraged male. Which I totally was. Right. Now. Just not at her. The enraged part. I definitely was male.

Bella had not smiled at me like that since the first time I had proposed. Great Caesar's Ghost! That dress with its low cut was all kinds of distracting. She appeared cold, although I am not admitting how I noticed. So I did the right thing when Starched Shirt Edward suggested it. For moral purposes, I disrobed. I took off my long-sleeved shirt and put it over her head. And I offered her my socks as well. She thanked me and snaked her arms inside the sleeves. Speaking of serpents.

Someone had sleep-snatched my woman. That very someone with the atramentaceous eyes stood before me complimenting my chivalry while unabashedly leering at me.

"_Ay, pobrecita_, I apologize for the weather. It is very romantic of you to clothe her. My, what curious scars you have," Maria prattled.

Jasper's psychotic ex. Correction - psychotic _other_ ex - needed to understand that Bella was not hers to take. Right before she died forever and ever amen hallelujah. I considered myself a patient man, but Antigone/Maria/Fiancée-Kidnapper-From-My-Bed had sawed through my last nerve. No one singer-lifted my dear little bottle cap. And out of our marital bed? That was all kinds of rude. And ending now.

"No, you are not allowed to urinate on Bella to mark her as your territory. Even I would not go there." Jugurtha warned. "Show good posture." He smacked my stomach. "The abs are passable."

Fine. I was a little slow on the uptake as Bella's question concerning my alleged tardiness finally sunk in.

"Long?" I repeated dumbly.

My eyes bulged out of my blazing-like-a-green-sun-in-a-snit head. Another arctic blast of wind roared out of the mountains and caused me to shiver. That stinging skin business continued, and was accompanied by an alarming case of goose-pimples. Real vampires did not react to the cold. So I ignored the goose flesh.

Without warning, FitzSinister and FitzLuck erupted from my palms and joined hers. Her flock, not any other part of her. Now properly covered supernaturally and materially, Bella stared at Maria with the determination she showed the other day in front of the bath tub.

"So what is with this interesting parakeet collection?" Maria pointed as a paltry group of bats hovered behind her. That woman had definitely gone batty if she aimed to impress me with her collection of two hundred and twenty three itty bitty miniature Dracula impersonators. The FitzFlock scoffed at them - and at Maria, too - and stamped from claw to claw and flapped their wings in umbrage.

My bride swam in my shirt as it reached down to her knees. She asked Maria, "Ever heard of the charming custom of bathing?" Bella pointed at a particular part of Maria's sleeve that had mud caked on it. Of course my arms were far longer than my bride's. She rolled back the dangling shirt sleeves, as if she had not a care in the world.

I was the pitch-black, tattered, quasi-soulless fiend with impressive supernatural powers. Furthermore, I felt rather irritated at the moment with another pitch-black definitely-soulless fiend. Did my dear little algae lover _not_ understand that teasing a demon about hygiene issues and mocking her mascots placed her in immortal danger? Had my dear little bottle cap become my dear little clueless one?

Because from reading her shriveled-like-a-mummy mind, Maria definitely intended to do far more vile things with Bella than Victoria had ever imagined. Truth be told, Maria smelling bad represented the least of her considerable issues. That skin . . . I stared at her forehead as something bubbled beneath it. Even Vel Catharnai with his acne-ravaged face could not compare.

"Look!" Starched Shirt Edward poked my side. "At the demon, not our bride!"

As I gaped from my beloved to the beast, I scrutinized the demon – really noticed the totality of Maria's being for the first time.

White steam that seared the nostrils bad enough to rival Marcus' Mother's abode poured from the demon's body. Crumpled flesh laid where eyes should have been, and its nose and both ears had been severed – the nose most likely by a dull blade. Given the dentistry of its infancy, it had remarkably straight - albeit bloody - teeth. The skin that covered the frame looked like it belonged to a third-degree burn victim. And by far, the worst attribute of the demon was that it had pendulous breasts accompanied by withered manly parts. Rather than being inside of her as I had expected, the demon leapt back onto Maria's sagging flesh, and most definitely acted not amused as it crouched like a gargoyle and rubbed its face. I could see them both inhabiting the same space.

"Kill the heathen!" Starched Shirt Edward roared.

Outraged, I snarled at Maria in Oscan. "You do NOT kidnap my bride!"

"Me?" Maria simpered and held a hand to her chest. "You are right, my handsome one. I did not. Surely you can see that I am completely innocent? Honestly, I have no idea what she is doing here at my private retreat. I am called Maria Montenegro, by the way. I am very pleased to make the acquaintance of you both. Welcome to my family home, Eduardo and Isabella." She curtsied in her bloody gown with a tattered hem and extended a filthy hand for me to kiss.

Unbelievable. The gall. I scoffed. My name was not Eduardo. Maria's home was now a museum. She over-charged people to come inside and most likely die. How tasteless.

I felt something tugging on my shirt sleeve. It was Bella. I did not turn around, refusing to give my back to the enemy and her little friend.

"Yes, dearest?" I channeled my best Marcus tone of voice when dealing with a crazy woman. I mean my mate.

"She did not kidnap me."

"Then how, pray tell, did she spirit you from our bed in the middle of the night under all of those shields?"

Bella flushed and glanced at Maria, whose eyebrows raised in interest.

"No one has ever found me here, _mija_. He asks a good question." Now I was going to have to kill Maria for calling my dear little wayward one the equivalent of "my dear" in Spanish.

My bride crossed and rubbed at her upper arms, "That's easy. I went looking for her."

Satan's smoke! "I beg pardon." She sounded so reasonable when she made that preposterous claim.

I asked the birds if they would mind standing closer to my beloved in order to block the wind, which they were only too happy to do. FitzCarrion had the bright idea to send a blast of power to the stones beneath Bella's feet warming them. The ancient Romans had done that in their houses – heated the tiles using warm water. The waves of power on the stone was a brilliant idea. "Keep up with that," I instructed. "Remember she is in socks so do not make the stones too hot."

"How did you find her?" Bella did not have power like Marcus. Or me. Okay fine, she totally had power, an endless supply of it, but not _that_ kind of power.

"It's not like it was hard. She offered me an engraved invitation." Bella tossed the bloody origami swan to the ground. "Sending this to me at school was tacky."

Starched Shirt Edward nudged me with a bony finger. "Attend to the demon, before she tries to roast our bride like Saint Lawrence." Good point.

Maria eagerly nodded in concurrence with Bella's "I went looking for her" claim. A patch of her cheek started to sag before it plopped to the ground in a pinkish-brown splat.

"She did. It takes a lot to shock me. I was very surprised that she could trace one such as me from that token. And you are sleeping with a human? How is she still human?"

I sneered, "Discipline. You should try it sometime, Madam."

Bella shrugged. "I knew you would come and Great-Grandmother agreed. I grew tired of waiting for her to attack. I wanted my life back." She gestured towards Maria with a thumb.

I turned my head to the side, keeping an eye on Maria and in a restrained manner asked, "You what? Are you _out of your mind_? Wait." I held up a palm, "Don't answer. That was purely a rhetorical question." And I really did not like the answers the last time that I asked it.

Instead I inquired, "Do you think that the next time you decide to go gallivanting off and do something this reckless you could consult me beforehand?"

"That would be the world's shortest conversation. 'Say Edward, I'm thinking of trapping Maria.' 'No.'" Sarcasm dripped from her pretty little tongue. And she did a killer impersonation of me looking down my proboscis at someone.

"You could have been slain a thousand times over." My heart tore with each word.

Bella kept her arms crossed.

Maria tsked and said, "He is right. I could have killed you. But I appreciate your audacity. I have not seen anything to match it in centuries. For a human so young, you have old eyes." Maria's careening like a pinball thoughts of what she could have done to Bella revolted me.

"Isabella Marie, when I get you home I swear . . . _first_ we are upping your meds."

I stopped for fear my head would explode. Too late. It did.

Maria scooted back out of range with a startled imprecation in vulgar French. She seemed to believe that I was an unpredictable sucker.

The FitzFlock shielded Bella with their wings. My skin kept stinging like a swarm of bees pecked at it a time or a thousand.

"Oh my, does it hurt, _querido_?" Maria asked me while waving at my head. The green flames fascinated her pickled mind, and Maria thought it all kinds of unfair that her demon could not put on an impressive light show like that.

"What? It was a great plan. And it worked." Stubborn Bella added in a touch of defiance to her lunacy.

"You accepted _battle advice_ from Mary Sue newborn?"

"Ah! Did not," Bella scoffed and turned her head to the side.

"Did, too." I insisted. "While I appreciate her survival skills. _Battle?_ Are you _ill_?" I reached behind me and checked her forehead for a sign of a fever. "Nice dress, by the way. I am never letting you out of the house in it. Perhaps we should save this discussion for another time. We have an audience." Although from where I stood, the outfit did provide a nice view of her . . never mind.

Bella stared at her wrist where her watch should have been. "Doesn't matter. She'll be dead in five minutes. She won't be blabbing." She sounded so sure of herself. She played chess with her life against an opponent that had tossed out the rule book centuries ago and had checkmated Jasper.

Maria jeered at Bella's evaluation of her shrinking life span. She clapped her bloated hands to obtain our attention.

"Children, let's not fight. Darling, he is right; the dress compliments your light coloring. You should show him who is the boss of you and wear it out one night," she winked, "With proper shoes." She noted my dear little shoeless one's socked feet. "What matters is that you are all here and we can all be together in one happy family."

I glanced around searching for the snake oil or the stray carpetbag. She was not keeping my Bella. I smelled her first. I mean I fell in love with her. I mean. Whatever. I stalked her first. And loved her at long last. So there.

"I'm sorry, Madam, I do not believe we have officially met. My name is Edward Cullen, and if you want Bella, you have to understand that we come as a package deal, and we will not be joining your family. We have one of our own. Now kindly remove your claws from her or I will be forced to act," I actually sounded polite although I refused to offer her a hand to possess – I mean shake.

"I do not have my claws in her yet. And mind your manners. There's no call for threats." Maria acted offended, and shook a finger at me. Which promptly split from her hand and thudded on the ground with a smack followed by a pink burst of rotten flesh. Maria pretended that it did not happen and good breeding dictated that I follow suit. But gross. The finger and splatter began crawling on the ground towards Maria – along with all the other various bodily fluids like the world's most repugnant inchworms.

"Ignore the floor show. Proceed with the lecture," Jugurtha prodded.

"My beloved has enough female harpies in her family, I am going to have to draw the line now and insist that no more join it. I already have my hands full as it is."

"That is the God's honest truth for once coming from your lips. Our dear little peach has insane female relations," Starched Shirt Edward vowed. Jugurtha and he shook hands on it.

"_Ay, amorcito lindo querido_, like you could stop me."

Maria seemed to find me vastly entertaining and wanted to reach out and pinch my cheeks. The other ones. And I was definitely not - nor would I ever be her 'little lover boy.' I did not remotely resemble Jasper for crying out loud. And as much as I hated to admit it, I would sooner sleep with Tanya and Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory all at once than so much as set a finger on . . . _that_. She laughed until black goo streamed from her eyes. And fourteen blisters ruptured on her arm and neck. By Jove! Her body literally slid from the bones and pooled in a revolting heap.

At the sight, I pulled Bella behind me with one arm, pushed her forehead against my back and advised, "Please do not look. You really will thank me." Frankly, the demon was more attractive at present. It morphed into a human form.

Bella said, "Kind of have to in order to stay alive, you know. And I _did not_ take battle advice from Mary Sue newborn." She peeked around me and gasped.

We stood dumbfounded. Why this particular demon chose the form of Groucho Marx was beyond me. I detested that man's acting. Was that supposed to make the demon more appealing? The fiend ignored the puddle of Maria at its feet.

To me, it said, "I can offer you endless power."

"No, thank you. I am in a committed relationship with another entity." Well, that was true. And polite.

Jugurtha mused, "Truth be told you are in a committed relationship with more than one entity – Hezekiah and Grace. I suppose it's a three-way?"

I ignored him.

"What is a three-way? That sounds like fun." Starched Shirt Edward asked sounding like he had just asked why the sky was blue.

"But I'm more powerful than any other demon you'll find," the demon sounded like a proverbial scorned woman.

"Perhaps. But look at what you did to Maria." I pointed to the smoldering heap behind him, "She is positively repugnant." The pile inched towards the demon like a drunk caterpillar.

The fiend threw both arms wide like a street corner preacher showing a jacket lined with fake watches. "Power has its price. What a life she lived! She managed to obtain glorious revenge." He acted like a conductor before a renowned orchestra taking his bow to a cheering crowd.

"By babysitting?"

"What does that word mean?" He scratched at his chin.

"She was the nurse to Caius' son. She obtained revenge on Caius for enslaving her and decimating her family by essentially doing her job marginally for all those years? Who cares?"

"Caius' son died."

"Yes, on _his _order at Marcus' hands as an act of professional courtesy, and much to the relief of Caius. Had she let the world know she had Caius' son as an immortal child and paraded him around for a millennium or two chomping on a city or nine flaunting the Volturi laws? Now _that_ would have been revenge." I tsked. Amateur.

His smarmy grin did not change by a millimeter. "She ran the Spanish War and built up an army."

"No, _Jasper_ orchestrated the Spanish War. Maria appeared to get in the way in between snacking on crunchy humans."

The demon took a step forward and lowered his voice, "I can make you more appealing to women."

Bella did not like that. She poked me in the spine a time or three.

I countered with, "Hush, darling. Saving the world here."

"So?" I said to the demon in my best Marcus impression, "I have the one I want already. As you can clearly see, I have enough on my hands dealing with her. Why would I want more?"

"He does not need another woman," Bella carefully pronounced in prim Oscan. She whispered, "He has me." I patted her back.

The beast actually twirled the moustache ends like a villain of movies gone by, "Well, I can make her quiver at the mere sight of you," and stared me up and down as if I were lacking.

"Dropping trou right now would be rude. But epic," Jugurtha sighed. "Never mind. Proceed with the invigilation."

I did not mean to brag. But really. I was not going to dignify the demon's claim with a response. Our private life, not that we had one in the past several months, was private. My Mothers raised me right.

I curled my lip at the fiend. And raised a burning hand and contemplated which part of him to disintegrate first. Decisions. Decisions.

It held up an open palm, "You're right. That was completely out of bounds. But I can help you with your endurance."

Now this was beginning to irritate me. I did not have endurance issues. Not any that I would admit to in front of my bride. I mean, really, that was a low blow. Where was the honor in demonic verbal jousting?

Jugurtha scoffed, "Simply act mildly offended at his lack of imagination. Nothing more. Do not oversell it. How did this demon gain power? Thucer would complain that it talks too much. We need to get popcorn and eat it like humans at the talkie movies."

Starched Shirt Edward chastised, "The minion of Lucifer gained power by seeming to be non-threatening. Pay attention!" He pointed to a spot behind the demon that seemed to be pulsating and growing.

"I saw that. It's not like he is being subtle about it." Jugurtha sniped.

"Would you mind telling me what you think you are doing?" I asked, politely pointing at the area of expanding power.

"Persuading you."

"Not working, terribly not sorry."

"I can make your existence meaningful."

"Is your name Bella Cullen? Because she is the only one who can." She hugged me from behind for that and left her arms wrapped around my waist. Which felt nice.

"It can be if you want it to." The fiend took on my beloved's face. Now that irritated me.

Bella unclasped her arms from around me and made two closed fists in an imperial gesture I recognized. Oh, most definitely, my dear little death demanding one. This demon was going off to the great beyond. I took both Bella's outstretched hands and gave them a brief squeeze before dropping them.

Like Starched Shirt Edward on a tirade, I aimed an index finger at the wretch, "You have nothing to offer me but parlor tricks and blisters. Begone." I said to my bride, "_We_ are leaving. Now."

I quickly chanted the words to strip the demon of Maria's power. It had worked several times before with old immortals. But I had never tried it with a demon-plagued old immortal. And in order to strip someone of a talent, that individual had to have one. Apparently, Maria had not. Nothing happened.

"Sometimes manners get you nowhere," the demon sighed and shook its head at me like I behaved like an errant child, "I see we will have to do this the hard way."

Like a noose dropping from the trees unexpectedly, something that felt slick surrounded my flesh. I believe the voice I heard screaming belonged to me, although truth be told it sounded awfully girlish, I am saddened to say. How long can true torment last? Oh right, I forgot about Marcus and his millennium of misery. How inconsiderate of me. I do not know how long I struggled against it. I could not move for fear of harming Bella, who seemed unaffected. I had to save myself so I could return to my life and family. I felt this pain being pulled from me that clashed against the demon's power. I had to hold it back it hurt so much. This made Phoenix look like a perky recreational leader at an old folks' home. And I tried everything that I had learned from Hezekiah and King Larce about dealing with demons. I could feel it squeezing me about the throat as I gasped for air.

That was when Bella's hand on my back started rubbing in small circles. I was in too much pain to bat her away. Belatedly, I recalled that whole source of endless power dealio. Good girl. I mean woman. I mean wife. She did not stop the pain, but that whole gathering storm inside of me became an incipient tsunami. If only I could let that out of me. At present it was not cooperating. And Maria, by Bella's count had four minutes left to live.

I remembered the gift that I had used on Bella that day in the cave; the one initially intended to be a weapon. Thanks to those meddlesome Quileute spirits, I could not use it on her again. Besides, making her have an orgasm at that precise second would have been crude beyond belief. Distracting, too. But I could use it on the entity in front of me. And I definitely did not plan on giving any pleasure.

Spitting out Quileute in gasps, I asked the spirits to give me every bit of pain that Maria had caused in this world either directly, or indirectly. They were generous although they apologized that they could only give the suffering from the tribal area. Grace indicated her irritation because she could not jump into the portal and physically be with me. She did not think that we needed to feel that kind of pain considering we already were in considerable distress and added in her own request. Right. That.

So I threw all of that at the demon who only appeared to grow stronger.

The demon licked its lips, "Why, what a sweet thing for you to do, my handsome one. Pain nourishes me. You expanded my life span by countless years. I should have invited you much earlier," It purred.

That was when Marcus and crew blasted into the room accompanied by the shrieking newborns.

"_What took you so long?"_ I asked Marcus through the Marcus-vine.

"_Edward, it's been half a second."_ He removed his jacket and tossed it to me. With Bella's help, I put it on. It hung on me like a flour sack.

"_She can bend time."_ It felt like an hour had passed but in reality had merely been moments.

Marcus, four of his sons, Arria, my siblings, and a host of legionnaires swarmed the area. And the newborns wearing furry boots and helmets and bearing swords.

"Why would you think I took advice from Mary Sue newborn?" Bella asked from out of the blue.

And Mary Sue found it curious and thought we were discussing the pretty dress that Bella sported – well, what she could see of it. Sweetly, she offered Bella the mink coat she wore, "Larce gave this to me but I think it would look far better on you, dear."

My dear little cold one accepted the cloak gratefully. "Why, thanks."

"_Tonto!_" The demon literally danced in glee as it called Marcus a fool in Spanish. "My army is attacking yours right now – you being separated here and all. By the way, I have as many soldiers as you do, and most of them are newborn. If you surrender now, I'll let you live and keep Washington State."

Marcus gestured nonchalantly at the still-dancing-an-irregular-jig demon, "Who is this? And what did you do to Maria?" He pointed to the smoldering pile.

"Maria has taken the form of a famous actor known for bad comedy," I explained.

"Ah, I see. Proceed."

Marcus, his sons, and all of his soldiers acted. I did too when I heard the barked command. We all threw our blades at once at the demon. The sky grew dark as arrows flew and landed in the demon's flesh. They made sucking sounds like feet moving through mire as gas escaped from the body with each projectile that pierced it. Groucho Marx Demon Maria stood there like an undead porcupine, rolled its eyes, and morphed back into Maria's form. By Bella's clock, the demon should have one more minute to live.

"You cannot kill me. I'm truly immortal." The demon shrieked and laughed. The arrows pushed out and clattered to the ground and the swords that impaled came flying back at us at a considerable velocity. Arria and I both handled that problem. Fine. She handled it, and I played a supporting role while trying to manage the pain the demon still inflicted on me. It felt like a really bad case of heartburn at present raged inside of me.

And that was when Marcus truly surprised me by holding his arms wide as if ready to embrace the world, like a minister before his parishioners exhorting them to pray. A flock of gyrfalcons erupted from his body, more than I could count and every bit as large and mean-spirited as the ones that lived within Bella and me. They all dove straight for the demon and made Alfred Hitchcock's bird movie look like an oafish cartoon. The demon no longer cackled.

I kept Bella behind me as the pain leached from my body with the death throes of the demon. Maria disappeared and did not go gently into that night. She took twelve of Marcus' birds. The rest pierced through the last barrier of defense and shredded the fiend's putrid flesh. Ew. And I hated to admit it, but Marcus birds were bigger than mine. Hers, too. And he had a larger flock.

Like typical woman, the remains of Maria decided to do something unpredictable. The demon stood right back up again and pieced into something that resembled pork barbecue with eyeballs and a wig atop a disheveled stinking rag that served as a dress and fluttered flirtatiously a few eyelashes in our direction. She should have been dead ten seconds ago.

Groucho's alto was replaced with Maria's soprano, "You cannot kill my spirit." The demon tripled into three bodies. "Since we're all together, I am going to take advantage of a golden opportunity."

Bella gulped. Arria moved closer to flank me on my right and Thucer to my left. We all shielded her.

At first, I believed the demon simply offered another parlor trick. I expected my sword to pass through thin air when I swung at the group of identical images of the beast that surrounded me. Every time the blade made contact it sent a surge through me that actually really hurt. The demon ducked and darted but did not appear to be concerned about the damage I inflicted. Bella's hand on my back meant that whole power problem kept growing. I tried repeatedly to channel it, but it stayed put inside of me stubborn as a goat.

None of us bothered to say something war-like such as, "prepare to die," or "by my bride's time frame you are two minutes tardy for your demise. Die already." But the newborns played nasty.

While leaning against her sword and examining her fingernails, Ella Joy clicked her tongue at the demons facing her.

"Darling, that look is so thirteenth century. Want to learn how to use fake eyelashes? Your top right eye just lost half." She frowned in mock sympathy.

"Mercy, me, you poor things, she's right." The demon began checking in the mirror Ella Joy helpfully handed her. Right then, Ella Joy hacked the other three copies of the demon that surrounded her to pieces.

The demons reached out with arms that moved blindingly fast and stuck entire fists through the trunks of Pesne and Metie. Who looked irritated and healed faster than an immortal should.

"This seems just like old times," the demon cooed as the men's mates yanked their bodies back and began hacking with wifely umbrage. "I had a cousin who enjoyed killing your siblings when I pointed her Romanian host in their direction."

Mary Alice had come through with Marcus. At the sight of her the demons dashed and squealed so she now had her own collection.

My sister faced her foes and said, "You don't want to do this."

"But I do. Because when I have you possessed, then Jasper will come home where he belongs. With me."

Mary Alice decided she had enough with that talking business and took out two long thin blades that she began twirling rather dexterously. She made short work of the demons that surrounded her and helped the newborns in their fights. About a minute later, four more demons appeared for every one that we had slain. Bella clung to my back and kept the power surging inside of me.

"So did you predict that coming?" The demon crowed to Mary Alice, "I am sincerely curious about my new power. Give up and I'll spare your mate," the demon taunted.

I decided this was becoming tiresome as the demon started inflicting injuries on the Telecles clan. All she had to do was touch them with a finger and their skin burned. I asked the spirits in Quileute if they would mind shielding a few more bloodsuckers for the good of the tribe. They were not happy about it, but they agreed. Rings went up around each family member.

"Marcus, you sly dog, you. How creative." The demon clapped.

"Thank you. But I cannot take credit."

"You did not do this?"

"No."

All the incarnations of the demon would strike the shields and the shamans upstairs that guarded Bella's spirit began throwing in their help and shouted encouragement to me such as, "Atta boy!" and "Go get 'em, tiger." When last I checked no one from our side was named "Atta boy" or "Tiger" and we were not engaged in a game of baseball, so this confused me. That was what happened when you became old as a mortal. The mind deteriorated. Which meant –

Jugurtha asked, "Can we multiply our birds?" Consulting the repository of ever-so-slowly unwinding ancestral memories in my brain showed no such power existed. And Marcus' flock was shrinking by the moment battling off demons.

Marcus used the Marcus-vine to warn us to proceed with caution. He began using the gift his mother had given him all those years ago to kill the demon that had attacked and butchered his family. Like he had feared, it only worked about a third of the time in killing off the incarnations.

Starched Shirt Edward recited the rite of exorcism which oddly enough seemed to function although not as well as the tool Marcus used. His birds dive-bombed the demons, tearing off chunks of flesh and burning them.

Grace interrupted and flashed an image to me that I found all kinds of disturbing. A force had gathered outside of the northern borders of the Quileute lands. Sam had their phased with a vengeance army lined up. The shields I had created were holding although it hurt all of us when the demon pounded away at them. I sent Grace back to the tribal land and asked her if she would mind killing as many European wolves that set foot on our sacred ground while remaining invisible. She was only too happy to comply. Grace had a lot of making up for lost time to do.

It was two o'clock in the morning in Forks. Maria had sent an entire force of European werewolves that were running in formation towards the tribe. Too bad I had shared with them Paula's memory from the night she had first been attacked of how they were not so happy with a certain spice made by Tony Chachare. Emmett and Rosalie had designed what they jokingly had called Cajun spice bombs – projectiles filled with the stuff that exploded on contact. Sam seemed to have things in order, so I returned to paying attention to my immediate surroundings. Jasper was currently involved in having a temper tantrum.

Without bothering to speak a salutation, Jasper decapitated the demon with one efficient swing. The head sailed and crumbled into rocks when it touched the earth. A new one grew right back and blew a loud kiss at Jasper and said, "_Mi amor_, I did it for us! She was not worthy of you. I made you what you are."

"Why would I possibly aid you? You killed my wife and slaughtered my mortal family."

"You did not need them being in your way. Come back to us. Roberto, Julio, Ignacio, and Humberto are my generals – your old friends. It will be like old times. Your talent is wasted among that rabble."

Jasper reached into a bulky backpack he had brought with him. Always prepared, that one. He threw a sack at her feet. Out of it rolled four heads.

"You seem to be missing your generals." He helpfully pointed out the painfully obvious to her.

"They were your friends!" Maria indignantly booted the heads aside like soccer balls.

"They outlived their usefulness. If they are your generals, I fear for your army. You learned nothing from me despite the decades I spent teaching you. Killing them was simple."

While the demon shook its head in disappointment, my brother struck using another blade, this one poisoned. And this modern day hydra was delighted.

The demon blew another kiss at Jasper and wagged a tongue or three, "I've waited so long for you." She backhanded him like a piñata, "You've served your purpose, and reminded me that generals really are replaceable. Thank you for bringing your wife to me. Hopefully this one works better than the last." She sighed. And she winked at Mary Alice. "We are together going to rule the world. We'll all be one big happy family. I'm done dancing with you all." Each one of us now faced a demon that was prepared to spring and steal our souls. Lovely. Barbaric, too.

Jasper crouched, flesh re-knitting and prepared to lunge again. This time he planned on really biting her head off.

"Maria, ask me what else I did." He offered her a wicked grin.

"Stop, _mi amor_, you are arousing me." She blinked at him coquettishly. Mary Alice glared balefully at her in return. "What did you do, you bad man?"

"I killed twenty-eight other leaders you had placed around the world, and jammed all the cell phone networks in the area. I'm afraid I found a whole bunch of phone numbers that belong to you and could not help myself while hacking into your accounts. Not only do you no longer have a dime, but your phones for your entire army have been disconnected due to lack of timely payment. Good luck planning that battle. No one knows who is in charge."

The demon actually appeared disturbed. Man, Jasper was, to quote Emmett's mind, really scary when he was mad. Distressingly thorough, too. Two hundred fifty seven million seemed like an awful amount of money to steal.

Maria really sort of lost her composure at that point. She and all of her other incarnations began slamming against the shields with heated hands. All Hades really broke loose. While everyone began hacking at the demon, another portal appeared. Magnificent. Who else was coming? Stinky du Loc?

Bella whispered, "I did not take advice from Mary Sue newborn."

She must be hysterical. She kept saying that blankly.

Marcus' Mother appeared behind us and passed by and stroked Bella delicately across the cheek. The priestess embraced and kissed her. "You did well, girl." I almost didn't recognize her without her fetid stench. Marcus' Mother that is, not my bride. Arria stood there almost slack-jawed. "Good for you for fighting your Mother to protect your daughter. Continue forthwith."

Bella silently pointed emphatically at the priestess as if to say, _"See? Not Mary Sue newborn."_

The demon chortled, "Oh, who is this? Care to join?"

At a speed that allowed her to slip beneath our blades untouched, Marcus' Mother walked right up to the demon and pounced. I can definitely say that the demon never saw that move coming.

"Dude. Girlfight," Emmett said. "Who is that? She's kinda hot."

Marcus said, "That, Emmett, is my Mother."

Rosalie smacked Emmett who said, "What? I'm right. Damn, she's hot. That's not an insult. Hit her again Mrs. Telecles!" he shouted encouragement to the priestess, who found Emmett amusing.

My money was totally on Marcus' Mother. When the priestess' hands made contact with the demon, it caused every last one of the incarnations to drop their attacks. They all started screaming.

Marcus darted forward to be met by a solid wall of power, "Mother, no."

"Hush, child." She did not bother to turn to him but offered the demon an enchanting smile. "You are responsible for killing my kin and threatening the ones that live. I demand satisfaction."

The demon moaned something that sounded like, "Care to negotiate?"

Marcus' Mother responded with an openhanded slap upside the face that caused the demon to yowl. Her hand left an imprint and cracked its skull. Black tar oozed from the cranium.

Coming from Marcus' Mother, I could feel the power gathering in the room and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Marcus, Arria, all the brothers and I did our best to construct a barricade. Because one second the demon was working on its third refrain of "Gah, you are killing me wait till I get my claws in you, who do you think you are?" and then it was like an atomic implosion of power. I stiffened my spine. Bella put her hands in my pants, you see. The _back_ of my pants. Oh my, of all the times to want to seduce me? Here, in front of my family and a field full of demons? My woman had issues. Serious issues.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "She is not trying to seduce you. Idiot. She just wanted you for your weapon." He sounded smug as he pointed to the dagger that Bella now held.

The elastic band snapped as it made contact with my waist. Marcus' Mother - while smacking the demon around – held out her arm and my dear little one attempted to murder her. I mean she threw the vampire blade straight at her Great-Grandmother. I was powerless to stop it due to being currently occupied with seven shrieking demons.

Fortunately, Marcus' Mother was a good catch. The priestess palmed the weapon and aimed her wrath at the lump on the ground that used to be Maria – the one that we had all ignored. She threw the blade at the heap of putrid flesh. Quick studies, everyone else thought that seemed like a capital idea and aimed arrows and blades at the lump as well. Arria used that bow with skill, sinking seven poisoned arrows. Upon contact, they caught flame and quickly transformed the remains into a writhing column of fire.

"This is what happens to those that attack me and mine." With a flourish, Marcus' Mother sent another burst that made the column flash and double in girth.

The last thing we heard was the demon gurgling beneath the methodical hands of the priestess as she crushed its throat. All the incarnations vanished at once - along with Marcus' Mother and the column of fire.

What remained behind where the column once stood was a solitary stone figure – in the shape of the young Maria, mouth fixed in a soundless scream. I am not ashamed to say the very sight of it gave me pause. My gift did not include being an empath like my brother. Yet I could feel immeasurable fear and pain emanating from the stone.

The weapons that had been used against her – including Bella's beloved blade – had incinerated.

Jasper rubbed his head and rocked back and forth as he tried to blockade his mind.

"You are not imagining it," he said and grimaced.

Marcus waved an arm and put some kind of emo-dampening ring around the block to prevent it from hurting Jasper or Bella or me.

Small snakes remained in the place where every avatar of the demon had stood – ones like I had never seen before, glowing with black light and eyes.

"Kill the serpents with the poisoned blades." Marcus ordered, sounding more than a bit concerned. "Be careful not to touch them with your bare skin." Marcus' birds immediately began vivisecting the snakes. Then, his flock all winked out of existence. I would have to learn that trick. It definitely was more dramatic than the one I used with the Fitzflock.

After scorching a few to death, FitzLuck and FitzSinister limped back on my hands. FitzCarrion had his wing severely damaged and cried piteously. Bella held out a hand and he lowered his head for her to stroke him.

"Thank you for protecting me. I hope you feel better."

His wing began to mend with a little help from Arria and Bella and me. After offering my dear little exhausted one looks of adoration, the Fitzflock slipped back onto Bella.

At Arria's urging, I decided to save everyone the trouble of slicing and dicing the remains of the snakes and literally used the Quileute powers to turn them to dust with assistance from Grace and my bride. Her grumpy mother, too.

"I cannot see anything of her in a vision. Is she gone?" Mary Alice said at the mark in the stone walkway that was all that remained of the priestess.

"Antigone lives still. She has been eternally sealed in that form."

"Can she escape?" Jasper asked.

Softly, Marcus answered, "No."

Marcus walked up to the remains of Maria and mused in satisfaction in answer to her earlier munificent offer, "Oh, Antigone, about that sharing power offer? No. Decidedly not."

Mary Sue asked, "Marcus, can she see or hear us?"

"Not any longer." He said, "She is in too much pain really to care. She's going to make a good example to store in my courtyard."

I snatched Bella into my arms and shouted, "You will never do that again."

She stared at Maria through haunted eyes, "Ok."

"You scared the life out of me. When I woke up and found you were gone . . ." I literally gnashed my teeth for want of anything intelligible to say. Strangled noises emerged from my maw. I pulled her against me and never wanted to let her go.

"I know. I'm not sorry." She said solemnly into my chest, "I had no idea she meant to die."

Marcus sighed.

"She gave them to me," Bella whispered.

"Bella, who is them?" I feared the answer.

"My aunts and uncles. I am guarding them now." My dear little spiritually-sneaking-around-on-me bride must have hit her head. Hard. I checked her for a concussion. She crumpled in my arms, yet remained conscious. My head was killing me because all that power still bounded around inside of me with no outlet.

"Bella, say something. And if you can hear them, try to shield like we practiced."

She did not answer.

And if this were true, it represented the greatest case of supernaturally passing the buck I had ever witnessed. I could imagine the priestess saying, _"Oh here, mind doing me a favor, for a thousand years?"_

"How?" I demanded of Marcus.

"I made a bargain with my Mother."

"Yes, I saw. To the best of my knowledge it did not involve Bella."

"Remember the other part of the agreement she mentioned when you visited? She said I needed to remember our bargain."

"I do. I did."

"Mother had planned for me to be her student and felt that by accepting the vampire's teeth that I had lessened myself from what I could have been. In order to obtain her blessing to marry Vivinna, I promised that I or one of my descendents would be her student."

"No disrespect intended. That is a tad challenging, her being _dead_ and all."

"Edward, my mother was not human."

What was with his verb tense? The man appeared to be in denial. Is? She was.

"So I gathered."

"She is a true immortal."

"So what was that?" I tilted my head towards the statue of Maria.

"She left to recuperate. She is not dead. Merely in spirit form."

"She is _so_ not going into Bella's body." I snapped at him. And her. She was semi-conscious at the time, but we had a history of productive discussions while using this medium. Speaking of which, I totally slammed up more shields on her than a strumpet would around a preacher.

"I concur. But when Bella is recovered, we will have to find out what she agreed to. Because she clearly had been communicating with my Mother without us knowing." Marcus actually grumbled.

It was the only time I wondered what the Gorgon would do if she were present, a polka? Or the samba? On the ashes of her not-quite-dead most-holy mother-in-law from the Formerly Stinky Batcave. Perhaps the Chicken Dance would be too much?

Arria observed but did not appear pleased. I directed my thoughts to her.

"_Did you have any idea she was talking to your Grandmother?"_

"_No."_ She mentally sighed. _"She did not share that with me. I would have helped her had she only asked." _

Women! Plotting to drive me mad every last one of them. Only in the Telecles family could you sulk because you were left out of sneaky battle planning. Arria stroked Bella's forehead and brought her out of her trance.

"Bella, can you walk?"

"I'm fine," she answered like she actually believed it.

Marcus said, "We must return to Forks. It will not be an easy fight."

"We are better trained," Arria noted.

"So we are," Marcus agreed.

Marcus opened a window and allowed us to see the armies lining up against one another.

Jasper whistled, impressed. "It looked like it was right out of a scene from the Civil War."

I checked on the Quileute wolves. I now had a battle on two fronts. John Quill snored back at the mansion being sick and knocked flat and all. The tribe needed me. Grace crooned through our link that "bad ones" were storming towards the ancestral land. Tens of thousands of them. And half of the force that she detected were European werewolves.

Bella spoke just then, "Time is wasting."

Indeed. What she said. Now, we were definitely leaving. Bella took my hand. Together, we stepped through the portal Marcus formed.

Back in Washington State, I had scores of unruly guests waiting for me. Like Marcus had said of his Romanian foes all those months back on a cold winter's night, it would be rude to keep them waiting. I looked forward to greeting them Cullenary style.

The last thing I saw of what remained of the creature once known as Maria; she represented the new roosting perch for a colony of bats. Alone on her ancestral land, her remains quietly screamed at the pitiless mountains as the bitter wind howled carrying off the bloody origami swan that Bella had thrown at her feet. I cared not – Surrounded by my family both old and new, I left that battle with the girl. I mean woman. I mean my wife. Head held high like the little queen she was, Bella walked at my side - sober face illuminated under the moon's pearlescent beams, safe and sound – for now.

* * *

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/MountainMoonscape (dot) jpg

**Snarky Summary: Ding Dong the bitch is dead. *Shrugs* So Bella got a little impatient and decided to take matters into her own hands. It's always the quiet ones you have to watch. Marcus Mom shows up to settle the score. Remind me not to irritate that woman. She really knows how to mete out epic punishments. Bella fondles Edward's blade. Really. *blinks* Scout's honor. Not that I was a scout. But still. And my, Edward has a lot on his hands. ****He's started the chapter out freaked out and raging about his woman, only to find her not-so-safe having kidnapped herself. He's being attacked by multiple demons that vant to do more than suck his blood. He's shielding the entire family because the demons are kind of painful, and he's fighting off a whole bunch of them while his little bottle cap is sending enough volts of power to blow out a building. Pun intended. And he's trying to handle all that power that's being stuffed inside of him that isn't cooperating at present. At the moment, he's booked. ****Maria's army is raging towards Forks AND the reservation. Stay tuned for lots more fussing and fighting.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling Extra Posted: So if you are interested in finding out just why Bella did what she did in this chapter, I've posted a oneshot entitled Bella and the Priestess. It's told from the POV of Marcus' Momma and gives a bit of her history as well as how she and Bella first met. And you might just find out a bit about that whole Bella and Edward relationship in there. The link is on my profile. At this time, I do not have any plans on writing another multi-chaptered fanfiction story once Cullenary Coupling is complete. I am open to doing a few more one-shots if readers are interested. **

**Jugurtha is all kinds of excited that in the next chapter you will get to see his best side. If you review, he will tease you. He would like me to stress that what he teases will not be posted anywhere else. He's exclusive that way. **

**He has insisted that I post a picture of him on my profile. **

* * *

**References:**

Part of the title was inspired by a song from the Sound of Music. Yeah, I know. I have a sick sense of humor. http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=M1HwVmY28Pk

For more on that thumbs up dealio and the Roman Emperors: http:/bernd (dot) wechner (dot) info/Hitchhiking/Thumb/

And Roman heating systems:

http:/www (dot) bbc (dot) co (dot) uk/schools/primaryhistory/romans/technology/

http:/en (dot) academic (dot) ru/dic (dot) nsf/enwiki/186841

The movie Scarface with Al Pacino has a fantastic line about "say hello to my little friend," two thumbs up. And warning – that clip is violent.

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=TVKPzmR1gds

For more on the movie: http:/www (dot) imdb (dot) com/title/tt0086250/quotes

And bats. There are people who actually count them for a living:

http:/californiaagriculture (dot) ucanr (dot) org/landingpage (dot) cfm?article=ca (dot) v060n02p91&fulltext=yes

There really is a formal procedure the Roman Catholic Church uses for exorcisms. Swear to God. For more on exorcisms:

http:/www (dot) trosch (dot) org/chu/exorcism (dot) htm

And this is a highly entertaining blog on how to curtsey. It also mentions another by the History Hoydens which I definitely intend to visit. We nerds have to stick together:

http:/twonerdyhistorygirls (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/07/from-nhg-library-how-to-curtsey (dot) html

Closing Song Because I'm Totally Sick:

Queen – Another One Bites the Dust http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE&ob=av2n


	64. HOD pt 53 Infamous Last Words

**I actually did update not long ago. If you want to know the particulars of how Bella met Marcus' Momma and cut a deal: Here, have a one-shot told from the POV of the Priestess. You might find her view of Bella to be illuminating - especially in light of this chapter. If people like it, I might write more out-takes when Cullenary Coupling is complete. You can find it on my profile. If you like it, please put me on Author Alert.**

**http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6445287/1/Cullenary_Coupling_Bella_the_Priestess_Oneshot**

* * *

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me. mwa-ha-ha**

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, to Fantasy Mother, and to Pomme_de_terre for the beta-ing.**

**Thanks to all for reading and sticking with me all this time! It means the world to me. Cullenary Coupling is officially two years old. I'd appreciate it if we could do a roll call of sorts and you could either drop me a review and say, "I'm here," a tweet, a post on the story's thread or a PM. Anyone who does, regardless of the medium she or he used, will get a teaser for the next chapter that won't be posted anywhere else.**

**I'm on Twitter at Bookishqua. Oh, and if you are following me on Twitter with a locked account - if you don't let me follow you back? Then I can't see if you Tweet me. That sounds really nasty. But still.**

**Shout outs to my muses: Viridis73, The Ravyn, Erica Keber, markieelizabeth, Lady Dragona, mamato, Dawn Stimson, TwilightMomofTwo, star574, sonecrackle, hunybmom, CindyWindy, Simaril/Hecta, prettyflour, writz, avidreader69, Disney Vampire, JB30, stykks, Angelback, favludo, mortangel, Mutt N. Feathers/amyat, luv4edwardcullen, PurpleMadDragon, Blue Canoe, Debbie1870, photogal, Rogue, Jenejes, nutmeig, twifam1, KristinHazzard, Merrisol, TraceyJ, notmyself, JaJiTaXx, Shemhazai, Kimboacp, vampiremom1221, Arsinoe, janefanatic, Rgwmnks, akemi, fanficreader83, Bkwrm, Gone_Crazy109, summerc79, and brandyso524.**

**If ever there was a song that captured a mood or a particular character this one sums up everything I've tried to pour into Edward. And the lyrics are gorgeous. It's by the late Jim Croce and called Time in a Bottle:**

**http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=qHDt2t0oO7g**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So last chapter, Edward went off searching for Bella who had vanished from his bed. How rude. Clearly she has not learned the proper appreciation for his sparkly peen. Not that she's getting any at the moment. But a pervy vampire can dream. Good, golly almighty! Did he ever find her! OMGrace! His poor dear little demented bent-and-twisted bottle cap had taken to dressing in strapless haute couture gowns that showed tantalizing glimpses of her peaches, I mean, erm never mind. . . And by Saint Peter's rod! She's been hanging out in dingy fortresses with dissolute demons! Named Maria – Antigone - UberUglyBitch! Really, she's so vile she can't even attract a proper colony of bats. *sniffs* And Edward, our sparkling wolfpyre was not having any of that - the hanging out business he really could give a rat's ass about the bats. As far as he's concerned, when it comes to taking responsibility for Bella's behavior the buck stops here.**

**He and Maria and Bella had a lovely "Who's on First/Oh No You Didn't" chat. Maria swears she's as innocent as a newborn lamb but _only_ in regards to the kidnapping his missus. Right. Whatever. Half-Priced Whore. Edward says she's still going to die. And he's really not sorry, Jasper, that he has no intention of leaving her around to be your sloppy seconds.**

**Maria tried oh-so-hard to tempt Edward into letting her snatch his . . . soul. He wasn't having any of that nonsense. So she played hardball. Main Edward would like to clarify that he did not engage in any games with any balls of any kind with that woman. Demon. Whatever. Starched Shirt Edward seconds that motion and Jugurtha rounds it out with an "even I'm not that desperate to lick that thing," conclusion.**

**The rest of the family decided to take their own sweet bent-by-Maria time to make an appearance to throw a Telecles-Catharnai-Cullen family bonfire. Jasper gets in a few words that catch Maria's undivided attention. Payback is sweet! Pun intended. And heads rolled. Great Grandmother Telecles insists on being the one to light the match for that roaring bonfire – and then pulls a conveniently timed dramatic vanishing act so she doesn't have to deal with the wrath of her son.**

**Edward is all kinds of upset; not only at Bella being missing, but finding out she went gallivanting off to look for Maria on her own because she was "tired of waiting." Oh and he sees that Maria has ordered an extra helping of European werewolves to go to greet their friends at the reservation. Marvelous. Those assholes didn't even bother to RSVP. Cretins! And Bella has had her hand on his back. Mostly. When it hasn't been messing with his waistband. But that's another story. But she's been force-feeding him all that power supply. He's all amped up – except there's no place for that power to go – would that make him sparkly power cock blocked?**

**Ultimately, Maria is stunned into silence by their hospitality and charm. Forever. Really. *blinks***

**Things you might want to keep in mind from past chapters to help you understand this one are as follows: First, people have kind of kept Bella out of the loop on a lot of key events for just about her entire life. You know, pfft, little things like her paternity, her maternity, major medical conditions, supernatural family ties, the fact that she's had other supernatural stalkers aside from Edward, and the murder of her relatives. Bella's been quite upset to find out all of these things especially considering she was trained to be analytical, calm in a crisis, and to think like a tactician. Second, Marcus has been meticulously planning on stomping Maria like last season's grape harvest. He has expressed to Edward the genuine concern that Maria might kill them all because of her power. And a thousand years might have passed, but you never really recover from the death of one child, much less several of them. Marcus is worried his family could die all over again. Imagine how unhappy Marcus is to find out about Bella and his Mother making some kind of deal – because the last time he went to bat with his Mother cost him a thousand years of torment. Marcus is all kinds of concerned on Bella's behalf and irked at his Mother's interference. Third, because he's still in the reaping what he sowed stage, Edward has been finding out what happened to the tribe while he was gone, and trying to earn his way back into Bella's trust. Main Edward would like to point out that although he lied about a whole bunch of things to Bella, his family, and himself – he never told Bella that he loved her. So he's one level above pond scum for that. Now he's in the position that if he blurts out, "By the way, despite that whole faking courting you business that I did months back – and despite the fact that we're allegedly fake courting – I really do love you. *blinks* Trust me - Bella might really hurt him. Fourth, Edward has been training his newborn assets off trying to master his powers – you know, those powers that they still don't quite understand the nature of or limits that he has – all while undergoing another not-so-pop quiz from Sacajawea. If he passes the exam, he keeps his powers. If he fails, well, he keeps the powers, but he cannot use them. That kind of sort of sucks when you do not understand what the test is and have no idea, therefore, if you're going to have your powers stripped of you at any second. Like now.**

**You might find skimming the first chapter of the HOD - Pride and Tribulation - to be helpful since we are coming to the close of the back story and after the NEXT chapter will begin the final arc. **

**At the conclusion of the last chapter, the Cullens and Telecles clans left for Washington because Maria ever so kindly informed them that her army was attacking -oh, right about now. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Eight – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty-Three – Pfft Why Talk When Killing Is So Much Easier? Infamous Last Words **

Marcus, like me, seethed, and longed for something to kill. Lots of somethings to kill. He did not enjoy being reminded of how his children had lost their young lives. Maria definitely had thrown their hallowed memories in his face. While Holy Water does nothing to vampires, venerated remembrances I can attest from miserable experience, can flay impermeable flesh better than a vampire blade. You can deflect a blade. Harmless memories of times long putrescent? A vampire is completely at the whim of a mercilessly perfect ability to recall every fleeting moment of an immortal life.

Watching his Mother vanish, the Telecles scion had felt powerless. Belatedly, he realized that I alone, of those around us, had heard ideas that were best kept private. Gently, he shielded his mind from me. I had been privy to his thoughts long enough to realize that Marcus was incensed at the recklessness of Bella's actions.

Commanding a gigantic army that had not fought together in centuries required diplomacy on multiple fronts. Not only did Marcus have to deal with that whole "sat like a statue for a thousand years," image, but he had to convince people that he could lead and did so in the name of his father-in-law. He had been quite the busy bee these past months.

From Marcus' perspective, Bella had done the equivalent of a recruit with zero fighting experience telling a centuries' old major general that his meticulous plan was _so two centuries ago_, and that she had a better idea that they were going to try instead. Without doing the patronizing telling part. My dear little deluded one running off and absconding with – well herself - caused Marcus' plan to have to be sprung early along with lots of back-up contingencies and new made-up-on-the-spot initiatives. Marcus hoped they were ready. I nearly vomited when I detected something that I had deemed Marcus long immune from suffering: fear.

Staring at the man, as he rapidly gave orders while marching through a portal, one never would have guessed the true nature of his perceptions. Unfortunately, he appeared to have passed that particular talent on to his granddaughter – the one that held my hand at present. The one that owned me lock, stock, and dilapidated soul.

"Edward," Marcus said, "the Quileute tribe is heavily reinforced. We will go there first. I can command from anywhere."

Why not? My skin still stung and I did my best to keep my burgeoning temper in check. Ordinarily, I refrained from speaking due to that whole detesting it conundrum. But when I got my dear little death-defying-demon-chaser alone – oh the things I actually _wanted_ to say to my Bella. Jugurtha had started a list. Starched Shirt Edward possessed his own. Every last member of the Telecles-Catharnia-Cullen clan possessed one as well. When Mary Sue newborn wanted to lecture a person on survival skills? It definitely rang a wrong note. Especially when she was right. God help us all.

My Bella had gone gadding off without asking - I mean consulting - any of us, to frolic with gleeful abandon at a demon's derelict hidey hole - acting as fresh fiend bait. And that was wrong on every imaginable level – especially the part where she left _my_ – beg pardon, I mean _our_ - bed to do it. Marriage was supposed to be about open communication. Right? Battle planning, too. Not that Bella even _knew_ that she was married much less mated to despicable me. But still. It was the _principle_ of the thing.

Underweight and fragile, Bella had just witnessed all of us battling a demon army. Although I had shielded her and borne the brunt, she had been subjected to attacks as well. Her heart rate was rapid, her wheezing a bit worse than usual, and I could smell the adrenaline in her bloodstream. I remembered her reaction to seeing battle the last time and could not help but worry. We had originally planned on having her far away from all the fighting when the battle commenced with Marcus' Mother. Now, that no longer represented an option. That dress did not appear to have a storage area for an epi-pen or an inhaler or two. Emmett tossed me one he had managed to grab and I presented it to Bella.

Rosalie and I conducted a quick mental exchange and decided that we did not want to risk Bella's well-being by exposing her to something as disgusting as _more _warfare. The pitter-patter of her uneven heart reminded me that I had to make a valiant attempt at calming my rage. I think I had begun my third draft of my potential tirade with the judicious editorial assistance of Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward. Now that the immediate danger had ended our family did not bother to hide that they were definitely not amused. At the cacophony that assailed me, the aforementioned valiant attempts went metaphorically sailing out the window alongside the chamber pot of decorum. Knowing that everyone was angry made me even more irate about the predicament.

"You know," Jugurtha said while staring at my planner and re-arranging my schedule, "if I had to call it, I imagine Bella did this because she was tired of the aristocratic vampires looking down at her and wanted to prove herself worthy."

"She could have proved herself all she wanted with us at her side." Starched Shirt Edward sounded like he could not decide if he was angry or sad. "She must have done this to illustrate her mettle. She inherited a pagan family with horrid rites of passage that usually had something to do with surviving ordeals." True.

Bella squeezed my hand while we were in transit through the portal. The process felt like stepping into a sauna before coming out the other side. If she thought that whole showing affection through hand hanky panky was going to influence me – warm, soft skin or not - she had another thing coming – not that I had any intention of stopping her from touching me. But still.

I was a man about ready to explode and give his woman a much-deserved tongue lashing - Not that kind, pervert - just as soon as I could finish decimating the enemy legions and find a proper place for privacy to conduct my aforementioned screed.

Jugurtha flipped through my planner, glasses perched in place on his nose, and sighed, "I have penned it into your schedule. This battle probably will take at least twenty-four hours perhaps longer," he tsked. "Adding in recovery time, you can lecture her next week."

Whatever. I did a double-take when his words took root.

"Balderdash. Why do we require seven days?"

"Because we should sufficiently rehearse due to the importance of the issues."

"There is indubitably a very long line of peeved immortals that plan on chatting with our-run-away bride about her wayward habits. I propose we be first in line. We are mated, you know. We rank."

"I will see what I can do. Two seconds from now you are scheduled to warn Sam of our approach."

"Why?"

"To keep the high-strung Quileute wolves from panicking and thinking we are the sneaky enemy with a new way to ambush them. Plus, killing the pack in front of Bella would be inconvenient and messy."

Right. I used the wolf link to warn the entire tribe so they would not give us a rude welcoming. A few scoffed that I lied. Oh Paula, she certainly had not been picky when she had transformed every last member with a wolf gene and an allegedly functioning cortical stem – Jacob Black being the apotheosis of that principle. How is it that they could accept that they could stenchsplode into supernatural beings of lethal grace, and yet the idea of vampires being able to cross space and time was us trying to boondoggle them? A few sniffed the ground seeing if they could detect us running under the earth in case we had created a system of tunnels in our copious spare time.

From Sam's point of view, the earth groaned as a black circular space formed – one that was three feet above the ground, thank you very much. Listening in on the pack feed proved entertaining. The newborns, nicknamed the "smoking hot stinky ones," by the younger pack members, were the first to emerge. By Jove! The new Telecles/Catharnai mates confused me so. All the newborn females had shown up wearing outfits that made them appear like extras that had escaped from some barbarian movie from the eighties. They all sported furry boots that made me wonder if they needed to be dusted in flea powder, long mink coats, horned helmets – like something out of a Wagnerian opera, and had thin vampire blades. To be fair, it appeared that in the last year they had learned how to utilize them quite well. They jumbled about like puppies that could not wait to attack a giant's shoelaces, ones with real sharp teeth that would unexpectedly transform into cantankerous grizzly bears when the enemy least expected it. John Quill would have laughed at the sight.

Grace showed me that sick-and-down-for-the-count John tossed fretfully in a deep sleep at our house, having been moved from the guest cottage to the second floor. My Parents watched over him and prepared the mansion to be a military hospital of sorts. Marcus had left the place surrounded by guards and both Parents had all kind of help available to them. I texted Father and Mother both that we had returned with Bella and were well and Maria quite dead. Mother jumped as her phone began chiming with multiple messages from her children offering various versions of, "We're fine, Bella's not dead, Edward behaved himself, off to war, I will be late for curfew – don't wait up." That allowed me to concentrate on the matters at hand.

Sam had stepped up to take John's place. At the moment, the freshly connected pack quibbled about accepting this change. Grace dropped Hezekiah's wooden staff at my feet. I picked it up, my old friend, and leaned against it, feeling the cool wood draw power from me. These past weeks, Hezekiah had made me use the tool constantly.

I stared up at the large wolf, "Hello, Sam."

"_Welcome back," _he answered tersely.

Using the shaman link, I demonstrated to Sam how to make the alpha tone and explained the rules on when it should be used.

"_Why are you telling me this? I am not the alpha."_

"_You are now. John is too sick to fight and he planned on retiring after this battle, regardless. As shaman, I am appointing you alpha. Paula agrees."_

"_How do you figure? I murdered my family. . ."_ Sam's guilt and bitterness leached through every word, two horse-lengths behind his despair. With a phased Leah standing within sight, it was a good thing we kept this conversation private between the three of us.

Paula attempted to soothe him. _"That was not your fault. You will never imprint on any other woman. You have the best fighting ability in the pack, and you keep a cool head in a crisis. Right now, we need you to rise above the past."_

Sam intended on arguing because he did not feel like taking the word of a woman that had been bitten by beasts that made every other Quileute foaming-at-the-mouth insane.

So I perhaps selected a mean ploy and stroked my chin pretending to be lost in my musings. _"Leah would be the next choice. I worry she is still a bit volatile, though." _Slight understatement. That.

"_I am acting as alpha while John is ill. We will follow the plan he created. Prepare to attack,"_ Sam summarily ordered the pack after muttering lots of naughty words that I am too well-mannered to repeat.

Leah said politely through the wolf link, _"Edward, I'm going to ask a question that apparently no one else has the balls to ask."_

I waited. Sam remained stoic studying the approaching storm clouds.

"_What's to say he won't see some female and go ballistic and turn on the tribe? With the alpha powers he could order us to kill each other."_

"Excellent point," Jugurtha praised. "She really has an eye for the tough questions. Once she learns a modicum of tact, she will make an interesting chief."

Several voices raised in agreement on the wolf link with Leah's assessment.

To his credit, Sam remained sensible.

"_Leah, Paula and Edward have assured me that it cannot happen again. If it makes you feel better, why don't you and Seth fight at my side?"_

"_Why?" _Leah asked. Her polite mien made her words slice deeper, _"So I can be the first to die followed by my brother?"_

Using the alpha tone, Sam said to Seth and Leah, _"If I ever became crazed over another woman and attack the tribe I am ordering you both to kill me."_

Leah stilled and canted her head. _"For real?"_

"_That was the alpha order I gave. Ha-"_ he broke the word, _"Satisfied?"_

"_As much as I'll ever be,"_ Leah turned and took position at his left side, Seth at Sam's right. She announced on the wolf link, _"Sam's alpha. Time's a wasting people. Stop whining and get ready to fight."_

That seemed to resolve the matter. Paula phased and took up a position guarding Seth and Leah.

"_You have come a long way,"_ I said privately to Leah at Starched Shit Edward's urging.

Leah grumbled, _"For the welfare of the tribe, I agreed to fight under him. It's not like we're going steady."_

"_You had to show trust in Sam to agree to accept him as alpha. Do not dismiss that."_

"_What the Hell did Swan do?"_ Leah asked, changing the subject. So I showed her in a succession of images. Leah did not even attempt to mask her shock as she wolf-gawped at her sister. Bella appeared to take a renewed interest in studying the pedicure of Leah's toes.

"_Jesus Edward, that Maria's a fucking troll."_

In my brief stint inside her mind, that was one particular sin, having sexual congress without the benefit of holy vows with trolls that Maria had not committed. Leah confused me.

"_Repulsive does not quite describe her."_

"_Is that bitch dead?"_

"_Decidedly"_

"_For real? 'Cause no offense, but she seemed un-killable."_

"_I guarantee you she is suffering eternal torment as we speak." _I showed Leah the image of what remained of Maria.

"_Awesome! Can you take me and Seth there so we can piss on her remains?"_

Jugurtha clicked his tongue,_ "She requires closure over the death of Sue and Harry. Insist on ground rules."_

"_If Marcus approves and you both are in wolf form."_

Bella squeezed my hand and asked, "What's going on?"

"The tribe just accepted Sam as temporary alpha since John is ill - thanks to Leah's support. I have informed Leah that Maria is no long polluting the world. She has expressed her unreserved joy at this announcement, and expressed the desire to pay respects to Maria's remains."

Leah did the equivalent of a wolf giggle before sobering.

_Is Swan in trouble?"_

"_What do you think?"_

Leah was indignant at not being included on the killing Maria business. After all, that woman had killed her parents.

"_I think I'm going to kick her bony little ass. Where does she get off prancing around in a formal in front of a demon? Where the Hell are her shoes? And she never said a word to me."_

Precisely.

How does one tactfully tell one's quasi sister-in-law that the bony little backside in particular belonged to me? And if anyone was going to be nailing someone's . . . oh never mind.

"_Leah, Bella probably said nothing because the Priestess most likely swore her to secrecy."_

"_She is pretty stubborn about keeping her word," Leah mused._

She had no idea._ "We will all have time to discuss this with her later. In the meantime, be safe, and bite lots of heads off like Jasper taught you."_

_"You too, Edward. Stay in one piece for my sister. For reasons that completely escape me, she's really got it bad for your worthless hide." _

With that ringing endorsement of my character, I decided to get down to that killing business.

"_Edward?"_ Paula asked, _"I left Charlie asleep back at the guest cottage. Do you think Grace can help you can use that sleep gift to make sure he stays that way for the night?"_

"_Consider it done." _With Grace's able assistance, I made sure Chief Swan would sleep like the dolt he was. Paula had left him a note that she had remembered a filing for a case that she had to work on at her law office and would see him later.

I noted the reinforcements that Marcus had sent ahead. And for crying out loud, someone forgot to inform both the French and the Italian sections of the lost covens that they did not have to be stylish while fighting. Overdressed much? Who engaged in combat wearing Prada? Not that I knew how to pick out a Prada ensemble from a stage costume, but Addie Mae scoffed that question to Mary Sue and it seemed a good observation. Not only, Addie Mae sniffed, were they wearing couture, but they had committed the sin of wearing _last season's_ garments. I would have to make a note to figure out just what that meant later. Mary Alice definitely would know. Right now I had a goodbye to offer without showing how frightened and angry I felt at having to leave my Bella in plain sight of the oncoming enemy.

Bella waved at Seth and Leah and blew them both a kiss and then met my eyes.

"My Queen, the wolves need me. I have to go now." What a brilliant observation. I could not help that my voice was clipped.

"I know. Please come back to me in one piece."

Gee, perhaps she should have worried about that _before_ she crept out of our bed and donned a stunning gown. Scanning the minds in my range that were linked to Marcus caused my heart to race. We were not ready. By their best reckoning, this battle was a month early. I read the concerns from the bored-appearing Telecles men immediately around me, like a pickpocket that discovered something that snapped off his fingertips. I ground my teeth.

Starched Shirt Edward insisted, "We could die forevermore. You should say something to make up for shouting at our peach in public. Naturally, we should plan to correct her behavior in private in the future. If we have one." Right.

To the disgust of the FitzFlock who thought I was overdoing it, I fell to my knees in front of Bella and said, "Yes ma'am."

I could not apologize when I did not regret expressing my dissatisfaction with her questing-without-informing-me for Maria. So instead I offered her a stubborn gaze and said absolutely nothing. Bella shifted from foot to foot. I could smell from the air we were in for a rain storm within the next hour or so.

"And Edward?"

We had attracted the attention of the soldiers that Marcus had sent as reinforcements: a rather impressive lot even if several of the high born ones were sniffing in their beady-little minds about how I was unworthy of being with Bella. Many were appalled on my behalf that I showed up to fight barefoot wearing human pajama bottoms and a coat. Others wondered mirthfully, exactly what I hoped to accomplish facing immortals holding a glow-in-the-dark wooden toothpick. Which they knew I could hear. Bastards.

Bella fleetingly hugged me. Who needed to go to battle? They could all work out their differences without me. With me on my knees, and my head resting where it was, I had much better things on my -

Jugurtha said, "Kiss her, you imbecile. With tongue. Not there. Higher."

Starched Shirt Edward insisted, volume increasing with each word, "We are furious at the moment. Besides, we will _not_ be doing private things in front of an audience especially with our tongue! It is obscene and disrespects our bride. Our love is sacred! Pure!" Emphatically, he stomped a foot on a patch of moss. I needed to get him new wingtips. He had a small hole in his worn left shoe sole. And his right shoelace had three knots in it where it had been crudely repaired.

Marcus had commented earlier that the fight with Maria had left his Mother in spirit form, weakened. I said, _"If you are out there and listening, Madam Priestess, you and I have some discussing to do about my bride. And I would appreciate you not interfering as I encourage her to take shelter."_

Chastely, I returned the hug and mimed the role of a gentleman. Drat. With her feet dangling in the air, she would hardly be able to chase after any other demons, so this was appropriate. But I definitely breathed on her a time or five as I stood and held her against me. It delighted me to see its effect in her glassy-eyes. I suspect I had Marcus' Mother to thank for that, since that trick had not worked on Bella in months.

My family pretended not to notice the huffing part. Whistles sounded from the troops around us. Bella pulled away, face flaming and decidedly dazed as I set her on the ground.

"What happened to that promise that wherever I went you would follow?" She poked me in the ribs. She must be feeling overwhelming remorse. Bella did not touch me in public. Not like that. And not like _that_, either. Deviant.

"I demand an exemption for warfare. Besides, we are following the spirit of that promise. Had I my choice, _you_ would be surrounded by an army far, _far_away from here."

She grumbled, crossed her arms, and tossed her head, "Typical bureaucrat trying to weasel out of an agreement with fancy word work."

Bella appeared equal parts frantic and defiant when I refused to rise to the obvious bait and spar with her.

I erected a shield so that others could see us but not make out our words. Nor could they read our lips as I made our heads too bright to observe. Petty, but I was not in a mood to dither.

"Bella, I cannot watch you while in battle. I need to know that you are safe. Last time, I lost my temper and hurt you. The Clearwaters' house is easy to guard. I would like you to stay there until I can safely move you home."

I left unsaid the part about how I currently hung onto my rage by a thin thread. Or that if her head was injured again that would not bode well for her health. Or that she still was too weak to survive a transition - although her strength had improved. I still did not plan on taking any chances – no reasonable vampire with my luck would.

"I know."

"I cannot take a chance on that happening again. I trust my family to guard you. Even from me." Snapping my fingers, I took away the shield that afforded us privacy.

"I'm not moving from here, bucko. Kill them all and hurry back. Your sisters and the newborns will keep me company." My dear little task master. Whom I was utterly charmed by, but still enraged at, for the record. The newborns squealed and clapped.

Mary Sue trilled, "Oh honey, are we ever going to have a good time. Larce wanted me to wait with you. Thanks for asking, though. We'll help guard you, sugar." Rosalie grumbled at having to sit out the battle, but decided Bella's well-being was worth the sacrifice. All the women wanted me to go away so they could pounce and find out just what Bella had been thinking when she had concocted this hair-brained plan.

Bella's jeweled medallions flared in my hands as I fiddled with them for a moment before dropping them back around her neck. I trailed an index finger down the bridge of her nose, patted it twice, and teased, "What a way to give a man incentive to come back. Fare thee well, my lady fair. I shall return as soon as I can."

And then I had every intention of upping your meds. After I lectured you into the next century. And perhaps kissed you. And then lectured you again. And then told on you to your Grandfather. Scratch that. He already knew. I was not above telling on her to the Gorgon. Scratch that. She would _indubitably_ be impressed with Bella's daring and see that the news spread through out the VampVerse. Oh wait. Too late on that, as well.

The Gorgon all but floated off the ground, she was so proud of Bella. Women! Or should I amend that rant to be, "Telecles women! Mad as hatters every last one of them. And equally scary. Especially when together! My Grandmother-in-law was the Stone Age equivalent of a power-greedy publicist.

Holding on to the tatters of my dignity and demeanor, I heard several snide minds wonder precisely what I thought I was going to accomplish on the battle field seeing as I appeared ridiculous in their eyes standing there without even so much as a dagger although they gave me humor points for clutching a stick. No one had ever heard of me being able to use a blade. And maybe one or two hundred seventy-seven tiny little immortal minds pondered, those power stories of the green demon from Italy had been wildly exaggerated. Speaking of which, my skin maintained that whole stinging business; and if the power contained within me grew any more, I worried I might collapse. I dropped Bella's hand and walked away, rubbing the back of my skull.

Starched Shirt Edward reminded me, "Ephraim said to stop worrying about yourself if we wanted to pass that test that Miss Sacajawea has been giving us. I think you should embrace the pain! That's what Jesus would do."

"Yeah, and that worked _so_ well for him. In the end, He got nailed."

I expected someone to show up with rusty nails and an olive tree right about now. My body hurt from all the fighting and power slinging. I sank to my knees holding my head. Addie Mae grabbed Bella before my bride could lunge for me.

"Hang on dear," Addie Mae soothed. "I think Edward needs a moment to collect himself." She escorted Bella inside the Clearwater residence, along with her siblings, with Mary Alice and Rosalie in tow.

Jasper and Thucer each grabbed an arm, and moved me a quarter of a mile away.

Before either one of them could get in a word, we heard them. Mind you, with vampire senses we had known they were coming. The first sight of the enemy took the courtesy from my brother's lips. He totally forgot about asking after my welfare as he propped me against a Sitka Spruce tree.

"I'm fine, thank you," I said to no one in particular as I batted away a branch.

I sent a silent message to Douglas and his mate Henrietta that they needed to take shelter at the mansion. The Olympic National Forest was quickly filling with all kinds of dangerous immortals. Douglas convinced Henrietta that they could use my bathroom sink as a hot tub, which sealed her cooperation. Ew. I suppose that made me a bad host. I explained to Douglas how to use the sink without drowning and where he could find the washrags and soap and the special shampoo that Emmett had concocted for him. Mother was vastly amused when I texted her about the incipient squirrel invasion. She promised to make sure my guests were clean and respiring.

Jugurtha said, "Our vampire Mother has a large amount of bleach stored that we can use on the sink before our dear little one lays a finger upon it. No worries. Let them bathe."

Listening to John recount the battles that they had endured while I had been gone had humbled me. It also had piqued my interest. With Bella's assistance as well as Mary Alice's I had been conducting historical research on the European werewolves. Sergei had been only too happy to share what he knew with Bella. Marcus had forged an alliance with a few individuals of that species over the years and had used them in battle. But none of the volumes that I had consulted had mentioned what I suspected was true. Also, Marcus had never worked with battalions of them, preferring to stick to his own kind.

What if they were some form of empaths like Jasper? In reviewing the Quileute pack's memories of their attacks the one thing that I had noticed was the presence of reason-crushing terror and how it had appeared to peak as the European wolves had pounced. From the collective mind, it had almost seemed at times like the Quileute wolves had frozen in fright before dying. Using the collected memories of the tribe, nothing they had remembered from previous battles with vampires compared to this. Historically, the wolves fought bravely when confronting the enemy – even if they clashed against a superior force. Feeling a certain amount of apprehension was normal, but the Quileute's instincts took control during a fight. It was not just that the European werewolves were physically larger than the Quileute shapeshifters. There had to be something else I had failed to consider.

"They are scarier in packs," Jugurtha said.

"So are the Quileute wolves," I harrumphed.

"What if it is a gift, an ability that the European wolves have? Remember how we felt when we first saw Sergei and his family?"

Perhaps he was on to something. I hypothesized that their ability to intimidate the enemy became magnified when they were in packs. Because the very sight of Sergei had certainly disturbed me. I would not like to admit that he had frightened me, because he had not. But still. As the European wolves raced towards us, I tried to use my gift to stare at their souls. Ye gads!

What an unexpected vision. They emitted the color red like steam from a cooking fire that started from the soles of their feet and wound around their bodies in wispy trails. It rose and combined into a large orb that followed them like a dark moon and sent rays that extended over a hundred feet in every direction.

One of the geezer shamans upstairs that guarded Bella observed, "_That _sonny, is what you need to stop. They're basically sending out the message that 'you are prey act like it,' to everyone they find. Get your sneaky brother and that cold old bloodsucker on it." Right. Good idea.

Jasper – I have no idea how he managed to hang onto his sanity. He was surrounded on every side by immortals hyped up for warfare, and century's old grudges. Based on his accounts of the Southern War, I knew Jasper had never fought as an immortal around this large of a group. My distress must have shown.

"Edward, I have been practicing for years being around crowds. Why do you think we took so many trips to large cities? And sporting events?" Oh. Right. Mary Alice went to New York City to shop. Jasper went to practice for battle of another kind. I now understood my brother. "You look a bit tired. Why not stay here with me and see what you can do with your gifts?" That seemed like a fine idea.

Since I hated talking and it hurt too much anyway, I grabbed Jasper's arm. We were not a touchy-feely family, and Jasper knew if I was actually manhandling him that it was for good cause so did not smack me away. I showed him and Marcus what I had seen. It must have been a gift associated with the Quileute spirits, because Marcus could not detect what I perceived and silently acted all kinds of peeved about it. That sentiment zinged through the Marcus vine by every powerful immortal within shouting distance of a view of the onslaught. It seemed the European werewolves under his command had been holding out on him.

"Or else Maria did something to their nature. It would be completely like her to experiment on them without them even knowing," Jasper expounded. "If they appreciated what kind of power they had in packs, they could leave. I bet they can send fear but can't read it beyond the obvious signs from an enemy. When they get within range, you'll have to see what you can learn, Edward."

Marcus did not like surprises because he usually planned for every possible one that could be sprung. He seemed to be handling this one well.

"Sergei?" he asked the transformed beast at his side, "is there something about your brethren and fear that I should know?" My, how reasonable he sounded.

"_They like to kill and are good at it and that scares those who die. What else is there to know?"_

Marcus shared with Sergei and his family what I had detected. Had I been in any other state, I might have enjoyed the equivalent of a hissy fit that Sergei threw. Neither he nor any other of his family had such a gift. Nor had they detected it during past attacks. They must be immune. And talentless. Aside from that whole looking scary part. I turned my attention to Sergei and his family. They did, upon further consideration have the same kind of what appeared to be trails of steam coming from them, but it was grey almost smoke colored. And it did not gather into an orb above them, and I showed that to Marcus and Jasper. Somehow, Maria or one of her minions had figured out how to harness the natural ability of the European wolves and turn it into a mass weapon. Smart. That.

I asked the Quielute spirits, "Say would you mind blasting into oblivion that red cloud above the enemy army?"

They responded with something snippy like it took me forever to ask, and added in a complaint that I did not ask for much seeing as that cloud appeared powerful. I concentrated and what should have been simple to do seemed to require too much effort. All that practice and training with Hezekiah and when I needed to light a bonfire, I stood there, the equivalent of having a spark shooting from my wand. Not that one. The staff. Not that one. Hezekiah's . . . never mind. I felt blood coming from my nose and this wave of energy did the equivalent of sneaking out the servant's door as it catapulted from me and collided with the looming spectral mass above the European werewolves.

The resulting implosion caused the leaves and needles to fall from trees about one hundred yards around the Southern Coven army's first force. Thundering towards us, the European werewolves thought it some kind of trick and maintained their charge when none were wounded.

When the spirits killed whatever the heck that thing was, everyone else stayed standing except for me. I did some kind of cool-looking-upon-hindsight aerial flip. And all their power, like iron shavings to a magnet, decided to come and visit me. Lovely. Jasper was all kinds of envious once he put up a barrier around me so I wouldn't distress him with my awesome fear-mongering abilities. And I would know nothing about directing it at a few immortals that kept questioning my fighting ability. Because that would be petty, immature, and a misuse of Marcus' army.

Jasper said to Marcus, "If you will have someone around me, I think we can use this to our advantage. I'll have to get within ten feet to make it work."

"No you don't," I blurted.

"I don't? Why would that be, Edward?" My suspicious brother asked.

"I can project. I think with Grace's aid. Well, we can try."

Jasper refrained from saying out loud that I looked like standing proved to be a challenge. And I refrained from correcting him.

I put my hand on his shoulder and said to Jasper, "Grace wants you to identify a target."

He liked that group of newborns that ran in front of about forty European werewolves. Focusing despite the sensation of someone stabbing behind my ear with ice picks, I managed to stare at the group. Respectfully, I asked the spirits if they would mind scaring the living daylights out of that particular collection of approaching bloodsuckers and hairy hides. They said they would be enchanted and would deign to use a bit of Jasper's ability, too. Really.

Jasper fomented this blast of primeval fear that I aimed at and struck the entire gaggle of newly minted vampires and mercenary European werewolves. Mindless with terror, they scattered in all directions attacking anything that obstructed their way. I saw four vampires nibbling on the legs of a Euro-trash wolf that they had pulled to the ground. Well, it seemed our work was done there.

Inspired, I asked the spirits if they would mind taking some of the European werewolf power of fear mongering from me and letting Jasper use it for this battle only. After all, he had far more experience manipulating people's emotions. It would be a better weapon in his hands. For the good of the tribe. They griped that since it wasn't a Quileute power in the first place, it was not like they had ownership of it and that I had to be the one to do it. Fine. One nosebleed later, Jasper was dipped like an ice-cream cone in a light coating of red shavings of menace. I still had my own collection of the stuff that appeared to be multiplying. It had the added benefit of making Jasper immune to my new ability.

While Jasper pointed, and I directed, and the enemy reacted, I communicate to Paula through the shaman link.

"_Do you see what I see?"_ I asked.

"_I do. We need to warn them."_ Translated into Paula-speak that meant, "Since I can't communicate with the entire pack at once this means you have to speak." Drat.

So I showed the image to the entire Quileute pack mind. _"The reason you feared them before was because it is their gift. The larger the group, the more they can wield. We have destroyed the first group's power. But more are on their way."_

Quil, Brady, and Jacob in human form all had canisters in their hands. The ground began to shake as the European werewolves started baying and thundering towards us from half a mile away. I really did understand in that moment the terror the young Quileute wolves must have felt all those months ago when they caught sight of one of those beasts. That sight of snarling menace fast approaching moving faster than the mortal mind could detect accompanied by the rumbling of their paws striking the ground was impressively intimidating. They stood double the size and weight of the wolves with sharper teeth and a bite that made the Quileute lose their sanity.

Sam gave the order, _"Fight together, and do everything you can to avoid their teeth. Anyone that is bit . . ."_

I interrupted,_ "Paula and I can strip that person of the ability to be a wolf. John already agreed."_

In past battles the bitten Quileute wolves had occasionally turned on their pack-mates with understandably tragic results. John had decided that a certain group of youngsters and spry older wolves would be responsible for picking up the wounded bodies once we un-phased them into human form. I had never un-wolfed or un-shapeshifted someone, although Hezekiah and I had practiced the ritual several times. I hoped that I would be able to perform due to that raging head problem.

"_Fire!" _Sam roared when the enemy was twenty feet from the line and closing fast. Asking him if he could keep it down because I had a migraine would have been rude. So I decided it would simply be more prudent to annihilate the Southern Coven soldiers because at the moment, they were winning the "who is louder" contest.

A barrage of metal canisters ruptured on the ground directly in front of the opposing side, right in their midst, and behind them as well. Dark red clouds of Tony Chachare's Creole Seasoning dust filled the air. The European wolves that came into contact with the substance screamed, promptly choked, and writhed on the ground. After all the suffering they had endured at the hands of the invading Euro-trash werewolves, the Quileute tribe showed no mercy and shredded their way through the enemy's front line in a spectacularly repulsive contest.

The Southern Coven others that had avoided the clouds retreated and waited for the spice to clear from the air, prowling back about a quarter of a mile. They could not communicate with a shared mental link like the Quileute. A quick scan of their minds showed those that were rational enough seemed to think that whole red cloud business embodied unfair fighting. Boo-hoo. Whiners. A mile behind them, a second considerably larger wave approached. One that had no idea of what lay in wait.

Seth and Leah and company proved that hours of training really did work. The Quileute powers had not decided to let me in on the secret, but Seth moved slightly faster than the other wolves, with sharper senses, even though he was scentless- and had a still-shaky connection with the pack mind. Jasper beamed with pride as he saw his work come to fruition.

Marcus stood surrounded by guards using his gift to orchestrate troop movements. His eyes, which had transformed in Italy to their original gray, kindled a blue fire. I did not need his gift to tell me that another battle raged in the Olympic National Park. His wife and King Larce led that army and appeared to be holding their own with ease.

Sergei, when I searched out his mind, seemed flummoxed with the approach of the next European werewolf battalion. He had never seen it honed in this way, and he had a healthy respect because it was working on him as well. The fear seemed to act like a cattle prod of sorts, forcing the group into a mob mentality and clearing the way before them of enemies, sending them into a panic. Which did not strike me as fair at all.

I asked the spirits if they were mind ever so much loaning me Grace, and asked her, "Could you please aim something at the big ball of fear that is above them?"

Grace wondered why.

"Because that is their food."

Grace said, "Food dead soon."

She flew towards them in stealth mode and vomited some kind of blue gunk on the mass.

And to Grace's ire, while the ball shrank in size it still burned with pride. It scorched away the coating. So Grace tried a second time. Then third. This was the last group of European wolves that had been targeting the tribe. The others were in the mountains fighting against Marcus' other force. I could not figure out why, if I had been able to destroy the first group, that I had no success with the powers affixed to this one. I squinted and studied them in frustration.

Starched Shirt Edward pointed, "That one right there glows differently."

"He seems to be feeding the most energy into the ball," Jugurtha agreed.

"Jasper, could Maria have found more than one way to make the European werewolves powerful?" Maria would use anything she could so long as it did not threaten her power.

"Yes," Jasper answered. "Why?" I showed him what I saw spiritually coming from the approaching army.

Paula had been working rather assiduously at unraveling her ancestral memories these past few weeks as had I. She said to me, _"If Grace can get me near them, I know of something that might work."_

Grace was only too happy to come and pick Paula up. I tuned them out as they whispered. Jasper wanted me to aim at a group father back and it required more of my concentration. So I never in a million years would have expected Grace to fly over the group with a chanting Paula who turned into a glowing beacon with her green fire tinged with growing levels of black demon soot.

My minion sprayed the alpha with more of that clingy blue goo that sounded like it really smarted from his bellow. Grace then dropped Paula over him – the large Euro-Trash one that the dark sun followed. She chanted something quickly before sinking her teeth into the beast in a language that I did not understand - the ugly one from the time when the demon had a hold of her. He roared and tried to shake her loose as his jugular burst. But Paula really had her teeth into him and did not plan on going anywhere. My chest constricted when I saw a newly borne demon emerge from Paula.

"_What are you doing?"_ I asked Paula, stunned. She was using powers that were forbidden by the all kinds of offended Quileute spirits having clearly on-purpose acquired a spiritually-transmitted-demon. The green power around Paula faded.

"_What I was meant to do. Playing the card I was dealt. Do not follow my example,"_Paula thought back to me.

The poor woman had clearly gone insane. And that frankly terrified me. Because if she could snap months after being bitten . . . She and I were the only two to have survived bites from the European werewolves. Father had thought me immune to that insanity business because of my vampiric nature.

Black fire engulfed her and the alpha leader both.

Jacob phased, roared, and leapt at the European pack, trying in vain to save his aunt. He did not care that the opponent towered over him; he literally chewed and slashed the first one in half on his way to the second. He had eager company supporting him.

It was not a pretty way to die, and the demon she had consorted with temporarily shrieked at the injustice of it all as he, too, departed this realm with assistance from Grace and me. And die she did, taking him and three nearby European werewolves with her. So I did the only thing I could. I put a shield around her so she could burn without taking Jacob with her. The Quileute spirits initially refused until they realized that I was trying to keep the demon Paula had embraced dead forever. Jacob howled. I did not want to be in the room when Chief Swan learned that his back from the dead fiancé really was gone forever.

Seth cannoned into Jacob and growled at him encouraging him to kill the enemy rather than presenting them with an easy target. So moved, Jacob began making up for lost time.

"_Now I have no one."_ Tormented, Jacob lunged for another vampire. I am not going to repeat what he thought about the entire species of vampires as he tore that one to pieces.

Jugurtha said, "Jacob has sisters but they do not get along and have tried to cut him out of his father's estate. He really has no one except Charlie. Focus. Mourn later. We will count on our unique immortal nature to prevent us from going mad. I have seen no signs of it of late. And despite her deal with the demon, that was a logical thing to do."

Starched Shirt Edward smacked my back and bellowed, "We must meet the enemy! Our time is at hand!" Right. Whatever. He needed to stop shrieking in my ear and annoying me. Did I mention I kind of had a migraine as well as a general felt-run over by a steam-roller over all body-ache? My damned skin felt like it had stretched too thin and was about to burst like an egg on a summer scorched sidewalk.

Of course, that was when two Quileute wolves, young ones named Tony and Trey, were bit rather badly by the enemy – the towering hairy one from overseas. Chanting the words as quickly as I could, I pointed Hezekiah's staff at the writhing bodies while other pack members took on the main force. I will never know if it worked, because another group of the enemy crazed with fear from Jasper's gift, literally stampeded over the wounded shapeshifters and the ones that guarded them. They all died. And the words evaporated on my tongue.

And that was when Jasper decided to pit the forces against the other. As the lead wolf in that pack died, the threads of power dissipated. Jasper took all of that fear and sent it back. He found his next targets coming over a hill.

Whoever had planned the attack must have expected the first wave to do all the dirty work. Reinforcements of vampires swarmed through the ranks of the European werewolves. Unlike their hairy colleagues, they were not bothered in the least by the spice bombs. And my, they seemed awfully hungry seeing as they made no effort to control the venom drool running down their chins and did not care that the wolves stank to high heaven. They were, after all, irrational newborns, ruby red eyes, slobbering chins and all.

And those people that had vanished from the oil refinery in Galveston? It looked like Maria's army had shown restraint and had only eaten fifty percent of them. The other half stood before me still wearing their blood-soaked uniforms.

Shakespeare had a line from Henry VI where he wrote, "The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers." Maria had not struck me as the intellectual sort, but apparently she had taken his words to heart. Or brain, or demon spawn. Whatever.

Her soldiers had turned an entire firm - one of about fifty. But still. Even worse, they had specialized in corporate law. Everyone knew those bastards were absolutely iniquitous. Two were still carrying their briefcases. What were they going to do? Club someone to death with them? Behead us with briefs? Demolish us with depositions? I scoffed at the sight of one of the female attorneys wearing what appeared to be awkwardly high heels. How was she going to fight in those? I might be barefoot and in pajamas. But I was better equipped to save the VampVerse.

My senses extended to take in the throngs of beings that made up the Southern Coven Army's main offense against the reservation. Over half of them were more than ordinary vampires. Maria had not been satisfied with stuffing her ranks full of brawny driveling newborns. Whoever followed her orders had to go overboard.

Like the skin the split-second after the blade has sliced it, I stood numbly watching and waiting for the blood to blossom. Invisible to all but me and a few others, thousands upon thousands of the same Hydra-like demon that had stolen Maria's soul perched on each warrior in the enemy army we faced. Perhaps she had learned something from Jasper, after all.

Marcus explained to the Lost Coven Army using his gift, "Maria arranged for her soldiers to be infected by other demons of the same species. Had she infected any of her fighters, when she died, they would have died as well and would have taken the life of the host as well. We do not know how strong the demons before us are. It is possible they could be every bit as powerful as she was. If we can find the ones that infected them, we can kill them easily."

"How long does it take them to gain full strength?" Jasper asked.

"Two moons," one of the legionnaires around me answered in a hollow voice.

"Why did the demon that attacked you not possess you all?" Emmett wondered. "I mean, you all are the best fighters around."

"I do not know."

Teitu said, "My brothers and me were newly turned and impulsive. The demons tried to infect Father's men in vain. They were smarter and wiser. Us? We fell like wheat. They offered us revenge for the deaths of our siblings. I was the first to fall. Then I realized the demon had lied, that my siblings were alive when it became part of me – although not for long."

He stopped talking. No one was rude enough to press him. All four of the resurrected Telecles men appeared distraught. They would not like me to share how they perished. So I will honor their wishes. I will say that the demons that took their lives with such glee were cruel of a kind I have rarely seen. Until now.

Now I understood a bit more why Marcus's men had died at the hand of a similar demon. How, if you are a young vampire, do you know who has been possessed and who has not? You cannot tell friend from foe. Marcus men had died at the hands of each other and it had been a venom-bath.

Perchance it was also a good thing that Caius and Aro had decided to take the field. Each led their own squadron of troops coming in from a different angle and surrounded the enemy – well the portion that had been sent to attack the reservation. Aro all but bounced up and down on his toes, he acted so excited about plunging into battle. He linked his fingers, twisted his arms so that the palms faced outward, and cracked his knuckles merrily, "My, oh, my, what fun we have before us, brothers! Isn't it spectacular?" He could not wait to find out how the European wolves had been altered. He wanted a pack of his own.

Marcus had ordered him to seize every mind that he could so they could learn as much about Maria's army as possible. Aro "the original Italian groper" of the Volturi drooled every much as the typical newborn at the notion of combat.

The pain I had been trying to push away and ignore spiked, feeling like someone beat me about the chest and shoulders with an anvil. Jugurtha, sweating, agreed with a nod, lips mashed to keep from bellowing as it lowered a bit and then came swopping back seemingly out of nowhere.

When I had desperately prayed for death upon my awakening to this unnatural existence, I had envisioned its peace, its silence, the happy shades of my smiling relatives waiting to embrace me as I had silently wept peering in the mirror at my freakish demon-scarred irises. Now I stared out at a sea of the same eyes – except these actually did have demons of another more lethal sort inhabiting them. Maria's labyrinthine cognitions in the short time I had been around her had bombarded me with images of the cruelty that goaded by the demon she had treated countless beings mortal and vampire alike. For her it had been every bit as necessary as the blood.

Knock-kneed, pain engulfing my trembling body, this definitely did not resemble the death for which I had quietly entreated a deaf and mute God. The enemy's army might be missing generals, but they were almost as vast as Marcus' from what my senses told me, and were stuffed with human-blood enriched newborns – newly minted fighters that could rival most immortals' strength.

Fine. I had nothing to lose. I had this nightmarish image of the enemy newborns feasting on the FitzFlock and then leaping upon Bella and kind-of-sort-of completely lost my temper. She had been snatched from my bed. Fine, she had snatched herself, but I had not been able to personally kill Maria and someone needed to suffer. Her troops would do in a pinch. So I fell into the arms of the Quileute spirits that shrieked inside my tattered soul and gave in to the pain and embraced it like a mother would a child. I could feel the power banging against a door that shuddered within me with each blow. And then I was interrupted. I was a man desperately in need of some spiritual privacy to go and toy with myself.

Marcus warned me, _"Edward, I have permitted Lancelot to join the battle."_

"_Why? You banished him for being a braying jackass." _I could not believe that last part slipped from my mental mouth. I never swore in public. Well not that I did. But I swore to Marcus. Which was wrong. Marcus found it charming. I wanted to say, "Would you mind bothering me later, I am having a power crisis here," but held my tongue. I had manners. Sometimes.

"_He is marginally talented with a blade and virtually guaranteed to die. It should offer a bit of entertainment amongst the spectacle."_

Marcus included Jasper in the conversation via the Marcus-Vine. My brother nodded his agreement and beamed like a cherub – one made all warm and tingly by death. Lots of death. But still. Jugurtha definitely liked the idea. Both he and Starched Shirt Edward shook on it.

"_Noted. I have no complaints."_

"_He has requested permission to apologize to Bella. I have granted it out of morbid curiosity. I will show you what happens."_ Now I definitely had complaints. And I did not need him to show me anything, but I was not about to admit that.

Addie Mae brought Bella to the Clearwater's door as Stinky Du Loc, wearing a full set of antique armor for crying out loud, hailed my bride. He removed the head piece. I found it amusing that the jonquil colored plume appeared to be wilted. Perhaps the pouring rain had something to do with that. Globs of algae littered his beard, and when the water hit ran down his face. He looked like a stark raving mad prophet from the Old Testament that had become lost and stumbled into a suit of armor. His horse contemplated throwing him.

"I have returned to apologize, dear lady, for causing you distress. I go into battle to fight in your name." Even his horse stank and was not too pleased about it.

"I see." Bella answered and rubbed at her forehead.

"I would be honored if you would grant me the small favor of granting me something of yours to take into battle."

"Mine?"

Oh Hell no. That was it. That man was a degenerate if he thought I was going to let him have alone time with my woman. Or any woman in my family. Or any other woman in my acquaintance. Except for Lauren Mallory or Jessica Stanley. Scratch that. I _like_ Mrs. Stanley, so I would sadly have to protect her dimwit daughter, although I drew the line at talking to the sheep headed stalker. Lauren Mallory he could have with my lowest regards.

"Like a lock of hair, or a ribbon as a token of your esteem," he smarmily lied through his dark yellow teeth.

_Token?_ Oh, that was definitely it. Every _last strand_ of her hair was staying on her head. And the sixty hairs that she lost a day on average he could not have, either. There was no way I would ever let that meretricious glory-hog take a _token_ from my woman into battle. Find your own little bottle cap and_this time_ do not accidentally-on-purpose kill her out of ineptitude Mr. My Venom Smells And Functions So Much Better Than Yours You Cretin. Except when it does not. Jabbering Jerk.

"I feel the need to point out that you had a whole collection of tokens. Many of them you shrink-wrapped." Starched Shirt Edward sniffed. Why was he picking now to goad me? Caviling crone. I was occupied having a proper manly conniption fit. And damn, my head really hurt. All my skin, too.

"Yes, and to show my remorse for looking upon her that way I had Grace destroy everything but the bottle cap."

This could not be borne. A man had his limits. If _I_ could not keep tokens and I loved her, there was no way in Hell I would permit _this stagnant pond scum_ to entertain the notion. Or any of the other filthy ones that rolled in the mire of his tiny little brain. When his beady pig eyes dropped to her chest and he smiled grandiosely, I am afraid what little composure I had I spat into the wind. Hang the scores of the Southern Coven warriors that were on their way! This meant war! He had leered. At my woman's innocent breasts. Which was wrong. That was my prerogative. And I only did it in private at supernatural speed. And _I_ did not inhale. Not only because it was pointless – I could not appreciate her scent like before. Also, it was rude. So there.

I would know nothing about how several stellar jays – peacock blue feathers damp with the rain began to take swooping dives at Lancelot's unprotected pate. A few managed to get in a few pecks here and there. Three left deposits that warmed my heart right on the top of his head. And I definitely would know nothing about promises made to feed them for a year or five.

"Order lots of birdseed," I told the laughing Jugurtha as the rain washed the excrement into Lancelot's beard.

My poor beleaguered bottle cap looked like she wanted to drop kick the pusillanimous bastard. I could not have that. She should not be distressed. Because I definitely planned on doing that to her later as well. When we discussed her demon-seeking addiction. The other one. She could sniff me all she wanted. Anywhere she wanted. Anytime she wanted. Except right now.

Jugurtha whispered in my ear. And I liked his suggestion. A lot. Staring at Stinky du Loc gave me the proper motivation. The wrath he inspired helped me open that jammed door in my being that all the power had been battering.

That was when things got really ugly. By things I should clarify: me.

Silently, I managed to order the flock, "Guard Bella!"

They shrieked back that they were already doing that and to hurry up - they expected to see a decent fight from me - because that pudgy partridge perched on top of the Clydesdale horse irritated them, too.

Addie Mae bared her teeth to Lancelot, "She won't be passing out any favors to anyone but Edward – her _man_. She made that quite clear the last time she talked to you. Bye, now."

Bella sneezed, "Ew, no!" and turned her back on the man. The birds, the smaller ones, began dive-bombing the horse's hind quarters. Which made the irritated equine bolt.

The crowds watching applauded her. Rosalie and Mary Alice hustled Bella into the house and the newborns sweetly shut the door. Perhaps a soldier or two from Scotland made jeering catcalls at our warrior blunder. Him. Not me.

Decimus headed Bella's personal guard and said to Lancelot as he careened by, "Beat it!"

I contemplated the meaning of Sacajawea's words, "_power required sacrifice_." Well, the only thing that seemed constant was the pain, and I had fought that every step of the way. So I was going to stop worrying about myself and let it wash over me. I had not died yet.

Lancelot held onto his mount and passed a rocky protuberance. The stone exploded and vaporized taking four trees with it. It spooked his horse into charging straight for the enemy.

Emmett yelled, "Aw Hell, Edward!"

Stinky du Loc, the daft man, took one look at me and decided that perhaps there were a few beasts that needed slaying far away from there. He charged with a yelp towards the eager arms of the enemy. Armed with a wooden lance, he did not stand much of a chance. And everywhere he went things started erupting around him – like rocks, trees, the occasional enemy soldier.

At a more opportune time, I would have to chide Emmett on swearing in public. Although I agreed with the sentiments he shouted. Rosalie yanked Bella back into her arms before she could flee the house when she heard Emmett bellow my name.

My sister said, "_You_ cannot go out there. You will endanger Edward. And your birds won't let you out, anyway."

Bella, of course, wanted to fight and grumbled about fairness and justice and other antiquated notions as Mary Alice patted the couch.

"Why aren't you out there?" she asked Mary Alice as she sat by my sister.

"Jasper has suffered so much, I think it would be better if I stay here and help keep you safe. I do not think he wants me to see him right now. Whoever dressed you had superb taste." She changed the subject and stroked the jet beading on the skirt of Bella's gown.

"Great Grandmother put it on me. I'm not sure why she forgot about shoes."

Jugurtha yelled, "Fashion matters later. Attend to the enemy."

That's when Bella screamed and pointed out the front window. Hezekiah's staff which I had lost track of when things had started exploding around Lancelot, had embedded itself into the tree directly in front of the Clearwater's house. I would have to let my sisters and the newborns calm her because I had other things on my mind - Like death and vengeance.

I lunged after Lancelot because it was not right that the enemy should get to him first. I had all sorts of things I thought about saying to him, the miserable, slimy slug who had ogled my woman. And that was when thinking about all of that rage; I felt like I caught on fire and winked out of existence. My world literally turned malachite and I felt like Jane's memory of being burned at the stake before I found myself staring at the ground, crouching. I howled. And howled again because it felt good and put hair on my chest as my late human Father used to say. Lancelot looked over his shoulder at the noise and let out a cry and dug his feet into his horse to make it go forward. He was not so much eager to vanquish the enemy as he was to run away from what he saw. Coward.

The first immortal he found slapped it out of his hand and ate the horse. Waving a vampire blade, and shouting about how important he was, Lancelot vanished under a pile of shrieking newborns. I was right. Those lawyers Maria's minions had turned really were animals.

"Jesus Vulgarity Deleted Christ Edward. What the freaking Hell?" Emmett bellowed.

Indeed. I let out a perfectly pitched howl. Lancelot's helmet cracked in half along with his shield.

Imagining crushing his head like a pumpkin, I stared down and flexed my hand. Except it was not a hand. It was a paw. The largest one I have ever seen. Following what appeared to be the drool that landed on my paw I realized with shock that I had teeth. Well, fangs. I clicked them together experimentally and sparks flew. Drat. I mean I had a snout. And thick fur. And a bushy tail that when wagged sent a dozen immortals tumbling. And somehow the spirits had messed things up, and instead of having red hair I was a blond. Which was wrong. On so many levels. Despite being tested for the presence of the European werewolf virus, it appeared to have manifested. Inconveniently, I had turned into the blond King Kong of the wolf-pyre world and my legs were wobbly as a newborn foal.

Fear that I was definitely going to die hit me. I had never really cared before because existing had been such a burden. But now I had something to live for – a wife – not that she knew she was my wife yet, and a family and friends. Perhaps I should tell her tonight, seeing as she would most likely take that news with more aplomb in her current repentant state.

Thinking on that scene, now I had more than one thing to lose. And I suspected destiny by throwing this curve ball at me once again taunted me. How was I to fight when I had no idea what I was or if I could phase back at any second? It was bad enough facing such an immense force barefoot and in pajamas and a jacket. Fighting naked with my manly parts swinging in the cold wind?

Jugurtha said, "That means you should kill as quickly as you can in case you do not have time. The gods have given you a boon of a bigger body. Do not waste previous time whining about it. Fight! And for the record, we currently have the largest manly parts of them all. So there." I stared down at myself. Not bad. He was right. Duly inspired. I decide to go and slay thousands.

Starched Shirt Edward wailed, "The nuns said if we kept doing that we would have fur on our hands. Oh my sweet precious Savior, oh please do not punish us this way! Now we will never be able to make love to our woman. We are an _animal_! She will not marry us if we are a _dog_! It is against Canon law." He fell to his knees.

Jugurtha slapped him in a business-like manner. Once the man ceased flailing about, the predator snarled, "Pray to Saint Michael the Arch-angel the patron saint of soldiers that your screeching does not get us killed. As for the hairy hands? How would the nuns know? They never had sexual relations. And I doubt they watched men masturbating and tracked the hair growth rate on their hands. Man up!" He did not address the doomed to be perpetually hairy part.

A line from an Addison play flayed my conscience, "The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, the best of circumstances." Jugurtha and Addison both offered astute observations. I needed to summon that dignity and grace. I was not sure what Jugurtha meant about "manning up." I would have to ask Emmett what that meant later. That would of course, presume that I had a "later" waiting before me.

Regret washed over me. I had never had the chance to tell Bella – my wife – that I loved her. Muzzled as a wolf, I could hardly bay it to her now. I stared back at the shielded house with undisguised longing. Perhaps this had been my fate all along. To fall and save my family and pay for my immeasurable sins. Who was I to judge Maria?

I, too, had experienced the predator's satisfaction at the scream of a victim accompanied by the rich draught of blood. I, too, had enjoyed meting out cruel deaths to beastly men.

Maria had a considerably longer run than I had exercised, abhorrent table manners, had meddled in business that was not her own, and had toyed with marriages. But really, in some ways, we had not been all that different -factoring out that whole willfully agreeing to sell my soul to Satan or one of his minions business, because I most definitely had not crossed that line. I had employed some standards. And I had quit. For a few decades at least.

Because the only way out of this quandary meant I had to kill, and I had to become accomplished at it expeditiously. Once again, I had run out of time. I had no idea how to fight in this body. When the Quileute wolves had phased for the first time, they had only kept the shape of the wolf for ten to twenty minutes depending on the individual's level of control. And no one had ever phased to anything this size. I did not have the same frame that they did. In addition to being taller, and heavier, I had a wider chest, and peculiar black barbed claws. I felt like some angry god had flipped over an hour glass and then had refused to show me how much time was left while jeering.

"_Edward, are you in there?"_ Sam asked through the wolf link.

I growled something along the lines of _"yes"_ in return and continued to shred through the enemy before me.

The voice from Chicago – the one I had locked away said, "Let me help. You need me again. Jugurtha and I make a good team. You need us both to survive to get to your woman."

"Prove it."

"You have not been asking the right questions of those around you. Like Miss Grace."

"How so?" I stared askance at the dark clouds of smoke rings he blew at me. Cigarette smoking represented a repulsive habit. Smoking oneself? Sounded and frankly was unnatural. I wagged my finger at him.

"Miss Grace had to come from somewhere, did she not?"

"Well, yes."

"So, why is she alone? Or is she?" I opened the cage door and he sauntered past me.

Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward made no counterarguments.

"Grace?" I called upon my minion - voice cracking. "Are there others like you still living?"

"Why?" She sounded a bit remote.

"You are the guardian of this area, correct?"

"Am."

"So are there other guardians of other areas nearby that we could ask to come and help us?"

I found myself and my coterie standing in Miss Grace's grotto. Except I was in wolf form and towered over them all.

"Why did she bring us here? We are needed in battle!" Starched Shirt Edward yelped.

Grace pushed me from behind gently and the others followed until we reached a clearing.

Starched Shirt Edward crossed himself. Jugurtha whistled. The beast from Chicago grinned.

There were five birds – larger than Grace but definitely long in the tooth, and a nest with hatchlings guarded by a large male.

"Family." Grace said.

"Are there other families like yours?"

"Yes."

"Will they come to help your land?"

"No. Is _mine_."

"Will they come to help the battle that will be in the Park?"

"Do not know. Want ask?" Grace's mind indicated she felt troubled it had never occurred to her to request aid. It was not their way.

"Yes, please."

She and the rest of her family let out a mournful tune to the heavens. Faint cries came back what felt like hours later, as I stood there shifting from paw to paw.

Grace said, "Conditions."

"They have them?"

"Yes."

"What are they?"

"Not yours." By that Grace seemed to mean the others wanted to emphasize that they were not at my beck and call. That seemed fair.

"Of course. I would never presume. Any thing else?"

"Secret."

"By that you mean they intend to fight and not let anyone know about it?" How would they manage that feat?

Jugurtha clapped his hands together and rubbed them.

"Grace has stealth mode. They can fight invisibly and everyone will think it is Miss Grace and her reputation will grow, which will only help protect the tribe. I think the idea is brilliant, actually. I vote yes."

"I do as well," the Smoke being from my rebellious years and Starched Shirt Edward said at once. Starched Shirt Edward crossed himself and blanched. I pointed to the prayer bench and he scurried there to ponder my sins and keep his distance from the ruthless amoral side of me.

So we left with three creaky specimens from Grace's family that all but wheezed as they took flight. And I never saw the others that accompanied us, and Grace never told me how many joined. They insisted on staying in stealth mode and that meant from me as well. I insisted, in return, that Grace let them know who we wanted destroyed. It would be all kinds of distressing if they attacked the wrong group of bloodsuckers or wolves or Sergei and his family. Grace's creaky relatives went invisible and began to tear their ranks through the portion of the Southern Coven Army that was in the Olympic National Park.

Emmett bellowed up to me out loud and mentally, _"Hey buddy, you okay there? You've been just standing there staring at the ground for a few seconds."_ When they had seen me go still Marcus had ordered me surrounded by legionnaires. I chuffed a response that sounded positive.

Jugurtha clapped me across the ankle and said up to me, "Courage. Remember all your training."

Gazing across the squirming masses of demon-packed fighters, I decided he had a point. I needed to beseech, appropriate, and purloin every last resource to survive this, given my spotty record at battle – without acquiring one of those STD's like the late Paula. Hezekiah had said so. I muttered an invocation or three to him and the committee to aid me.

Two equally powerful forces yanked at me. One castigated me for failing to keep track of my woman, who had gone and run off and meddled with matters far above her knowledge. That priestess did nothing for free. The other bellowed that Bella's impatience with waiting for Maria had, more importantly, put not only herself, but my family and extended family in jeopardy, not to mention her own. I had failed in my role as the protector of the Cullens. But it had not occurred to me that they required protection from the actions of my could-definitely-hold-her-tongue wife.

Bella and I, if I survived this, definitely had some talking to do about appropriate husband and wife communication. Just as soon as I let her know we had been married for months. In a charming intimate human blood-bath of a ceremony in Italy. One that I felt sure she would never forget and no one could ever replicate. I felt misty-eyed for a moment recalling the moment Marcus had announced she was my mate. Those were the good old days. Then I was _so_ upping her meds. Mine, too. I was going to need the vampire equivalent of Xanax to be married to Bella Cullen and stay sane. And since I had my human memories back, I did remember that I had a fondness for scotch. Perhaps I should test to see if that was something that I could appreciate in my new state since I liked the smell of cinnamon and apples. I had earned a drink. Perhaps two.

Before I turned to face the foe, I unblocked Jasper's ability to read my emotions. I had nothing left to hide, in that regard only. I tried to pour all the love I had into a mournful howl. I thought of all the reasons why in the short time I had been gifted with Bella's presence that I had failed to appreciate her for the remarkable woman that she was. With that sobering sentiment in mind, I bounded across the field to embrace cruel Fate and try to cheat her once again. Fate. Not Bella. I was the faithful type. Really. Anti-hero's honor.

Grace in stealth mode accompanied me as I leaped for the oncoming Southern Coven Army. Without meaning to, simply by stretching to stare at my foreleg, I flattened five enemy immortals as I landed. Oops. My minion's colleagues created chaos that I had to pass off as orchestrated by my power.

The other side charged when they saw me. Maria had, it appeared, been resourceful and had managed to scavenge a few weapons that the Volturi had overlooked. Her leaders – former leaders I should stress – had been intelligent enough to give the precious blades to more experienced fighters. And wow! They had been training for this day for quite some time. Not as long as the Lost Coven Army. But still. I had to give them points for fruitless ambition.

I searched the area for a trace of Aaron – Jasper's friend and our handy-dandy double-agent. If he raised a sword against us, that protection would vanish. Maria had somehow skipped him in the demon-passing out department so said Grace. But that appeared to be about to change.

"What is it?" Aaron stood over a table poring over maps and barked at a demon that skulked towards him. He dialed a number on his cell phone, "I can't get anyone to answer." Oh clever Jasper had left Aaron a satellite phone.

"You must join us." The demon who lived in the form of Aaron's aide said.

He sounded so different, so much colder than he had when he and Jasper had reminisced about times best forgotten.

"I lead you, idiot, so I don't need to join you. Get out of the way."

Aaron sidestepped the demon and moved to the other side of the table. He twirled the blade Jasper had given him in one hand almost like it was a pen. I made sure Jasper and Marcus could see the map Aaron used.

Babbling, the demon repeated, "You must join us."

Oh, that made things so much clearer. This time the demon reached with quick arms so I had to act.

Using the Quileute spirits, I said to Aaron's mind, _"Maria and her demons are dust. Since you saved our family in Alaska, I am extending that same courtesy to you. Oh, and kill him now."_

Aaron put Jasper's blade to good use. May I just say that man could do things with a knife that would make a sushi chef weep with jealousy? Grace helpfully exhaled something nasty on what remained of the demon, scooped Aaron into the air, and flew away. His troops were mighty surprised by the sight considering they could not detect any presence of a huge bird – only Aaron struggling as he sailed off into the heavens.

"_My apologies. That is Miss Grace holding you. Please cease screaming like a small child,"_ I advised Aaron.

Brother or not to Jasper, there was no way in Hell I was putting Aaron in a house with Bella. They had not been properly introduced. Taking into account Aaron's deplorable track record with female family members and bright maroon eyes, I was not putting him around a scrumptious smelling mortal – especially mine. So I asked Grace to stuff him into Hezekiah's cave and put up a ring, keeping him confined. It also saved him from wandering off and running into a vengeful Quileute wolf or ten.

"What the devil?" Aaron shouted when he scrambled to his feet. Well, he said something that approximated that idea. In vulgar Spanish.

"_I have to run. Stay where you are. Mind your manners."_

Well, that was true. That represented a veritable treatise of conversation with a complete stranger from me. I could have said, "And try to avoid eating anyone you are related to by blood or marriage," but that perhaps would have been tacky.

"_Jasper?"_

"_Yes, Edward. That is an impressive trick, by the way."_ My brother sounded so calm as he stood behind me far out of what he knew to be my range.

"_Thank you. Grace is helping me communicate with you. I have secured Aaron in Hezekiah's cave. He is unharmed."_

Jasper said, _"Edward, that was awfully considerate of you. Let's proceed shall we?"_ He pointed to the enemy force.

"_It is not thoughtful. He is their general. It made sense to take him away. You wanted the Southern Coven Army not to have anyone in charge."_

I shared the image of Aaron's traumatized troops that cringed from the sky as they saw their leader vanish and did not see Grace's colleagues as they pounced and destroyed at will. Back at the cavern, Aaron yanked out his personal cell phone to text Jasper and it did not work. He thought it was because of that confined-to-a-cave business. Marcus and Jasper found the episode vastly amusing. Grace had returned to the scene of the crime and at my instruction whispered "Rafael" in a spooky tone to Aaron's jittery troops. Her friends thought that was all kinds of amusing and joined in the game.

Marcus said to my mind,_ "Edward?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Kill as many as you can any way you want. Now."_

Marcus was so kind to me. He let me lead the charge as we left the reservation having stomped the attackers there to smithereens. The enemy army kind of resembled a colony – or several of them – of red ants. Maria had wanted to look professional while revolting – not that she herself had carried off the professional part. The revolting angle? Now _that_ she had effortlessly nailed.

At a sneeze from me, a row of enemy archers incinerated, bows and all.

"Excellent, Edward!" Marcus encouraged.

I liked my Grandfather-in-law. His wife? Not so much. Although I did have to laugh because I had managed to make her speechless. At the moment, she stared entirely too much at my hindquarters for my comfort. And she had minion envy as she saw the damage that Grace and her cohorts inflicted. And no, I was not loaning Grace out. Ever.

A memory of snickering at talkie war movies that Emmett enjoyed sprang to mind. The battle cries of the actors had sounded so ridiculous especially coming from puny humans. Now, upon further contemplation, they made excellent sense.

Why yell, "You lunatics are severely outnumbered, outclassed and I am highly annoyed that I am having to waste my evening chomping you to pieces. Oh, and prepare to die the most painful demise that my overactive imagination can plan. 'Cause that is totally fair." Why exert that effort when a primal scream conveyed the same message of wrath and impending doom so much more succinctly? This represented yet another example where talking wasted precious time. So I threw back my head and let a battle cry resound.

The enemy clapped their hands over their ears and screamed as the sound waves struck them. I did not realize that I could burst the eardrums of an immortal. Until now.

At the touch of my claws, Southern Coven vampires started shrieking, convulsing and vomiting. Two of them flailing about touched comrades who similarly fell to the earth and summarily died. And my, what dramatic exits. Jaw-dropping stuff that would make actors turn green with lean and hungry looks.

Below me, an enemy soldier waved a sword hysterically. I leaned down and bit her head off. I do not mean to be rude or distasteful in speaking of the departed, but more than a mouthful of that entity was definitely wasted space. Taste, too. Moving at a blur, I carved it into two sections before Jasper could blink. Marcus, too. I breathed flames upon it. From that large snout of mine. Apparently I had breath so horrid it shriveled vampires like beef jerky and charred the grass. Who knew?

Genghis, upon our first meeting, had distinguished himself for having the attention span of Jessica Stanley - darting from one scent to the next. That is how I sensed the environment around me. Everything smelled so compelling. I darted from one area of the field to another with no goal in mind save wreaking as much havoc as I could. Jugurtha and I became the ministry of mayhem.

Marcus firmly ordered his troops that they were not to shoot me. One idiot from an Irish coven that I had offended decided he could not help it if he deliberately misunderstood a direct order and fired a poisoned longbow at me. I batted it out of the way with a paw. Since I had broadcast Brennain – the idiot from the Irish coven's – thoughts to Marcus and he to his army - No one was surprised when Emmett killed the jerk for willful insubordination.

"I trust no one else will make such a foolish choice." Marcus sounded positively frosty.

Aro chirped to the head of the Irish coven, "How charming! We will be meeting when the battle ends and shaking hands over our agreement." What he meant by that, "Won't it be wonderful to catch up on old times!" was, _"I'm going to grope every last one of you, so anyone who was in on the murder attempt might consider the virtue of dying. Less fuss that way." _And, "Demetri will make sure you all make the gathering," translated to, _"and if you are stupid enough to survive the battle and try to run, expect more pain and suffering."_

I did not deign to look at them because the trees under the pounding rain were so much more interesting. The branches waved, bowed, and curtsied in the presence of the formidable gales. Given the wet weather, Thucer was jealous of my flame ability. Typical male all upset because his gift went limp. But he encouraged me to burn the whole Park down. The battle had happened, unfortunately during the beginning of the tourist summer season and in a heavy rain, so Jasper's extra supply of Greek fire came in handy – along with the flames that I could create that water could not bother. Maria's troops had snacked their way through the back country, so setting a small fire or nine, although the environmentalist in me flailed at the damage, seemed the appropriate thing to do.

I would show those bastards endurance. Cullenary style. Because we were, I noted to Sam and Marcus, in trouble. Jasper had mentioned that during his time with Maria that older immortals had never stayed long. Evidently that was because Maria had moved them to her _other_ army. I sincerely wondered what men and women of their age and wisdom offered as viable excuses for consorting with such trash. And staring at the expanse of the Southern Coven Army, there were an awful lot of ancient immortals that I had not expected within their ranks.

Viewing with my gift, I could see that every vampire in front of me had a newborn demon inside. I could see them spreading through her ranks and demonizing the rest. While tempted, I did not want to ask Marcus if he had any spare mothers lurking around in foul smelling caves that would be willing to give the kiss of death to a few thousand more irritating immortals.

"_They have not had time to take root. It makes them slightly stronger than a newborn. But you have to watch as you fight them,"_ Marcus warned everyone with his gift. _"Don't let them anywhere near your mouth. And if they talk to you don't agree with anything they say."_

Jasper signaled and a large group of Marcus' men pulled out what appeared to be machine guns. They fired them into the other side. When the bullets struck, they passed through two to three astonished vampires who laughed and pointed at them for their stupidity. It did not occur to most of them that the bullets should have bounced. They expected to heal immediately.

"What was he going to do, poke holes in them to death?" One taunted.

Jasper's men kept firing. The other side ignored the bullets treating them like gnats.

I used my gift to have the earth open in random spaces and suck startled troops in while incinerating them. Much more efficient. Traumatizing too, from that whole psychological warfare angle. Grace's friends thought that was hilarious and joined in on the fun. The leaders could not command their newborns because they went spectacularly bonkers and began running in all directions.

That was when the poison from the bullets hit and the wounded enemy fell like stunned birds to the ground, paralyzed. We now faced a field stuffed full of vampsicles. Grace, her friends and I flambéed them. Jasper used the fright of the surrounding soldiers to cause chaos within the ranks of the Southern Coven Army.

More reinforcements from the enemy arrived over the hill and I decided it was time to show them who was boss. The sooner I got this done, the sooner I could be with my Bella. So I unleashed that whole fear mongering part that I had forgotten about. They turned tail and ran. I gave chase.

Thinking of my bride, I sent Genghis from the mansion to keep Bella and my female relations company with orders that anyone who harassed her, or my sisters, or the newborn sisters for that matter, was to be dealt with in any way he saw fit – so long as it was painful. Deadly, too. For once we saw snout-to-snout on an issue.

I shook off an elderly immortal or nine that had decided to nibble on my ankles while spitting naughty words in dead tongues. Which tickled a bit. The arrows that landed on me stung at first until I figured out how to use my shield and tossed the hanging-like-barnacles leeches from my body. Grace suggested that I go invisible like she could and showed me how to burn the arrows from out of my body.

Chomping and slicing my way through masses of the enemy became so much fun, especially when they could not see me coming. I learned a neat trick of using an undetectable pitch that shattered eardrums galore from the Southern Coven Army. Every time they healed, I would let out another cry and shatter them again, which proved quite diverting. The enemy seemed to have a hard time fighting while holding their heads and screaming in pain.

"_Youngling?"_ Arria called. I ignored her. _"Where are you?"_

This red haze went over my vision and I wanted to annihilate everything in sight. So I did. Since I was the biggest thing on the field save the trees, although for the record, whoever decided I should be thirty-nine and three-quarters of a foot had an odd sense of humor. Everything that I touched burned. I remember breathing fire and setting alight an entire coven from Bolivia, and another one from Ecuador.

"_Edward?"_ Marcus asked, _"I cannot find him."_ Hah! That is because I could hide at will, always could.

Marcus in action – well, from my perspective I could see why his enemies quaked at the sight of him taking the field. They ran shrieking once word spread that Marcus' now head-wearing sons were back from the dead along with eighteen thousand or so of his lost legionnaires who moved at a blur during combat. Many vampires from the enemy side were literally dead before they comprehended it. Oh yeah, word also spread that Marcus had a son and daughter squirreled away – a wife too – who had directed his armies in his absence. And Raphael as a something-in-law. Marcus' soldiers liked bragging while slaughtering. Who knew they were such notorious gossips, too?

That last part was the kicker. No one of the enemy knew what Jasper looked like, so to them every vampire they saw – and they saw a virtual ocean of people – could be the one they feared – the one they had been convinced for decades that they could never beat. Jasper was the bogeyman of the Southern covens. Who knew? And armed with swords rather than incisors – he did a splendid job, from what I saw. He wielded his gift like a grandmaster aiming blasts of pure fear at the crowds of newborns causing them to stampede. He picked up the pain and agony of the being-stomped-like-fine-china enemy army and sent it right back to them. Teitu declared it was a fantastic trick.

Our Parents were safe at the house, waiting on the wounded. Leaning against Genghis, Bella sat fulminating with Mary Alice, Addie Mae and Ella Joy playing poker with Rosalie at the lead at the Clearwater's dinner table. The rest of the newborns stood guard around the interior of the building.

Emmett employed rocket launchers he had designed filled with poisoned projectiles that blasted through a coven or twenty. When he could, he kept me in sight but tried to also look out for the pack. Seth and Leah and the rest of the wolves comported themselves with honor. Under Sam's leadership the pack cleaned the area in more ways than one. And a roaring good time was had by all. Grace and I went back to being ministers of mayhem.

The enemy force decided to switch tactics. During World War II and the Korean War, ill-equipped armies had occasionally used a technique called the "human wave" where line after line of soldiers would hammer the opposing force. Highly effective upon occasion, it also had the additional advantage of scaring the living daylights out of the enemy. Many soldiers lost their nerve at seeing this massive ocean-like swarm of people heading straight for them screaming at the top of their lungs. I faced an inhuman swell eager for my hide. And I did not mean to brag, but unless they planned on standing on each other's shoulders three vampires high, I towered over every one.

About thirty seconds had passed since Marcus had called my name.

"_Youngling, either answer my Father or I promise you that I will throw the biggest wedding you can imagine for you and Bella. I will invite every last aristocrat, including the one that I betrothed Bella to when she was born."_

That woman was the devil. I snorted. And I might possibly have said that Satan bit out loud. Well, thought it anyway and not bothered to hide?

The Gorgon said, _"He has used that name before. I do not know of that immortal."_

Marcus laughed. _"Darling, he does not run in our social circle."_

Vivinna sniffed, _"I see. We are going to have to do something about the company that Youngling keeps."_

After assuring that my family could comport themselves accordingly in battle and were not in need of my assistance, I proceeded to dive through the enemy ranks sending body pieces into the sky like vampire confetti. I had things to do. People to annihilate. And Bella waiting for me. I had priorities. And those blasted crotchety immortals with impressively strong venom started nibbling at my ankles again. When would they learn? I flung a few into the air and shredded them with my teeth and set what was left on fire and tossed it into an oncoming crowd for good measure.

FitzLuck and FitzSinister appeared just then and dive-bombed the enemy causing havoc in their wave. So I made the illusion that a hundred or so trees came to life and had them attack the enemy as well casting fire in every direction. I even used the trees to make globs of fire rain down from the heavens. I felt Arria entering my mind and she actually was acting nice for once. Who knew slaying bad guys for moral purposes could be -

The next thing I knew, I floated above my normal body and saw my family gathered around me in my room in the mansion. It was as noisy as it had been the first time I had perished all those decades ago. Every inch of the house was stuffed full of the wounded. Wearing the same dress and my shirt, a pale Bella sat behind me, holding my head in her lap.

"Bella, how long have you been talking to Mother?" Marcus asked. He did not sound amused.

"Not long." That was not an answer. Marcus raised an eyebrow. Bella reluctantly continued. "When he came back from his last visit, Edward gave me a pendant from her. She came to me in my dreams after that."

"You decided to make an adult decision. I am going to treat you like one and show you the consequences. Whose idea was it to go after Maria using you as bait?"

"Mine."

"What did my Mother say when you proposed this idea?"

"She wanted to know if I understood what I was asking."

"What she meant by that, Bella, was whether or not you realized how powerful a demon Maria was. Your aunts and uncles. You saw their bodies before I took them from your mind."

"Yes." Bella became agitated.

"A demon considerably less powerful than Maria – one of the same breed – wiped out my family in a night. _Our_ family. With my mother's help, I barely managed to kill it. You went hunting one that was infinitely _more_ powerful on your own."

Jerkily Bella snapped her teeth shut and nodded.

"You neglected to tell any of us. Why?"

"I was tired of waiting to die. And . . ." She stared down at my face trailed a finger across my crown, and stopped talking.

"So instead you risked everyone else's life because _you_ were impatient? How adult is that?"

"I'm sorry, Grandfather. I did not mean it that way."

"You have not even begun to feel sorry, Bella. But I fear you soon will be. Your gift – you gave too much of it to Edward. That was why he phased. Your gift awakened the virus that we did not know he had in his blood. If you recall, we had scheduled a session to practice fighting with your gift for tomorrow."

Her voice shook, "Nobody tells me anything. I did not know Maria was that powerful. I never meant to hurt Edward. I only. . ."

"I had to sit in agony for a thousand years with Vivinna suffering because I made the same mistake you just did. I underestimated the enemy and did not think about the consequences, and made a deal with my Mother. What did she want in return?"

"To give me a few lessons."

"It's never a few. You and I will go see her when this is finished."

She stared at her hands.

"Bella, you realize that Edward has been severely hurt."

"I know."

"He was bitten by some immortals that are older than me," Marcus pointed to my right and left arms that now were adorned with curious black, purple and blue scars.

"He has always healed before. I will cure him again. Great-Grandmother showed me how."

Compassion in his tone, Marcus softly said, "My dear, Edward might never wake up, and I need you to be prepared for that possibility. This could be the rest of his existence. We have a whole roomful of immortals like him back in Italy. Some have been asleep for nine hundred years."

Bella had her necklace around us both and it kindled white fire as did her eyes and body. I have never seen anything of the like. Marcus acted as if nothing happened.

"Sometimes the greatest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Edward has made many mistakes. He tried to set them right today."

"That he did."

"So you should honor him and your bond by making sure you eat and sleep and be strong. The bond between the two of you might help him."

"Ok."

"And when the time is better you and I, young lady, shall be having a lengthy discussion about battle planning and informing your family of your intentions. You were brave today but foolish and Edward suffered for it. We lost entire covens in the battle and some of your wolf friends. You have to try to trust in us. I know that is difficult. But lives depend on it."

Bella bowed her head before meeting his gaze, "I know. I am sorry."

"If not for Arria's ability to talk to Miss Grace, Edward would be lost forever. He still might be."

Arria came and sat on one side of Bella. The Gorgon the other. This was bad. I had two too many Telecles females in my bed.

"Father, the fault is mine. She has not had time to learn our ways. I kept her ignorant," Arria said. She took Bella's hand in her own.

"Then we shall all work together to rectify the issue."

I saw Bella's free hand move in my hair but could not feel it. How odd. My bride started to shake as Jasper picked up on emotional pain from the house and sent it through the room before mastering himself. Tears ran down Bella's cheeks before she regained her composure. Arria embraced her daughter. She did not waste words telling her that all would be well. Or that I would wake up soon.

"Daughter, you are not alone," Arria stroked her hair as she had often seen me do. I could be wrong, being delirious and all, but from my perspective, Young To Me Old Power's hand shook. Bella initially stiffened, and then accepted the shelter of her Mother's embrace.

It confused the Gorgon as to why the child's eyes briefly leaked salt. That was not normal behavior for one of her illustrious line.

"Husband, Bella erred, but the ploy worked." She placed her hand on his forearm, "Fortune sometimes favors the fearless."

The idea of the Gorgon teaching my bride family values? That did it. Something stuffed me back into my body and gracious. I hurt like the blazes of hellfire and damnation on LSD or PCP or some other foul illegal substance.

"Bella?" I croaked.

"Edward?"

"Thank goodness you are safe. Did they hurt you?" I babbled.

She peered at me oddly and gulped.

"No."

"I am sorry I did not keep you safe. Please do not cry. I will never let you out of my sight again." I loved my modest little fighter. Oh, did I say that out loud?

"Careful what you wish for," she whispered as I drifted away. "You just might get it, Dream Edward."

"Dream Edward. _Jerk._" I believe I managed to huff.

No matter how hard I fought, my eyes slid shut and everyone faded away.

I found myself sitting by Hezekiah in our lounge chairs in the grove.

"Well," He opened up a window to my world so I could watch what happened in my room. Father and Rosalie worked over me. Arria held Bella at a safe distance.

Marcus explained to Mother, "No one usually survives the bite of a vampire as old as the one that attacked him – and he was bitten several times by four separate old ones. When you combine that with the new bites from the European wolves, it is remarkable that he is still in one piece."

Hezekiah elbowed me and said, "He's right. Your power from us is what keeps you in the mortal world. Sacajawea said you passed with a B minus. You're not dead, by the way."

Hezekiah said that so proudly and I heard his geezer shamans that guarded Bella's spirit shouting an encouraging word now and then,

"Don't mind us, we'll keep the fort down," one yelled.

Another added, "Give 'em Hell, sonny boy."

I definitely planned on contesting that grade. I was _not_ a B minus student. Ever. Unless I planned it that way.

My body started glowing green then. Bella squirmed past her Mother. She already had the necklaces around us and wrapped her arms around me as the white light enfolded us both.

"What is going on?" I asked Hezekiah.

"Well, the Quileute spirits were all kinds of impressed with how hard you fought for the tribe. They decided that you passed the test and deserved a reward."

"No offense, my dear friend, but that," I pointed at my writhing body back in my bedroom, "does not appear rewarding."

"We decided that you can smell Bella now."

"Beg pardon?"

"Well, that meant so much to you and seemed to help you mentally. With this whole phasing into Godzilla the Wolfpire business, we decided that you needed every bit of help you could get. So you get to feel the pleasure from her scent."

I gulped. My lips moved but words clung to my tongue like stubborn toddlers to a mother's leg.

In our bedroom, Bella wrapped her hands around my shifting body, "Oh no you don't, buster." Bella said. "You're staying here." Yes ma'am.

On that note, I could not help myself and started to scream. I did not believe that any kind of pain could possibly compare to what I experienced the day I realized how much I loved Bella. Sadly, Lady Fate decided that I needed to be reminded of that point. Perhaps I had been taking her for granted? Women tended to get upset over that, so I am told. And Lady Fate and I, well, she definitely acted like a scorned strumpet. The last thing I remembered was choking on Bella's name as the most glorious scent hit my nostrils followed by the thunder of every nerve ending lighting up at the same time in pain. Her Mother yanked her from me.

I needed Bella's touch, but could not have it for fear of that whole killing her problem.

The next thing I knew, I sat on a wooden park bench in my starched shirt and suit from 1918 and wondered how my old shoes had become so polished. It appeared to be autumn and the trees shook their leaves in splendid glory. Scarlet, tangerine, brown, terra cotta, pumpkin and saffron competed for attention from my starving eyes. Bella would love this. A strong chilly wind swept a patch of maple leaves across my feet. One scarlet sliver of color tangled in my shoe laces.

Bella sat by me on the bench to my right wearing period clothing, and sipped a mug of mulled cider. She warmed her hands against the clay sides and exclaimed, "It's perfect! Find me a house in a forest so we can enjoy falls like this every year. It's a feast for the soul."

Another voice said, "I agree."

My human Father sat by me on the bench. By her lack of reaction, I presumed that Bella could not hear him. She stared off transfixed at the jeweled colors that before my gaze turned from scarlet to a different hue. I saw blood dripping from the trees, flesh and sinew, too. My victims – all of them - stood in the vast forest before me. I dashed to cover her eyes with my hand. Something held me, however, in place like an anchor.

"Edward," my human Father said, "that will not be necessary." Bella sat frozen. I had seen her like that before, and my heart shattered all over again. "She cannot see or hear anything now. She is well."

Slumping, I waited for him to cuff me upside the head since the image of Liam chortling about Jericho tattling on me to my human family about my rebellious years popped into my mind.

"Father, do you want your watch back? I am so very sorry for my failures." I handed it to him staring at the thoroughfare. People had crushed the acorns that littered the ground into gold dust. I studied the bright splashes of color instead of his face.

He did not accept it. "Why would you give me the watch back, Edward?"

"I failed to live up to the Masen name. Surely Jericho told you."

"That bounder? I threw him out. He upset your Mother and Grandmother. I could not have that lout in their presence talking about such private matters that did not concern him. It is not like he's family."

"You did?"

"Edward, we _know_. We have _always_ known."

Panicked, I sprang to my feet. Bella sat fixed in place like an ice sculpture, her mug rested on her thigh.

Father reminded me, "Son, she cannot hear."

"Oh."

I asked in a small voice, "Should I leave the watch in the family mausoleum in Chicago, then?"

"What would I do with it?"

"I killed scores upon scores of men."

"You did."

"That was wrong."

"No, it was not."

Flabbergasted, I stammered, "How do you figure?"

"St. Thomas Aquinas argued that it was moral to take up the sword to defend from enemies. You and I discussed this many a time when you contemplated leaving for the Great War."

"Yes, war in the name of the sovereign Aquinas justified. There were police officers at the time in the city."

"With your gift, how could you turn in those criminals using the law enforcement system? By telling them you know from reading their minds that they killed? I raised you to be more practical than that. You had no one to turn to. No one to protect their victims. If anything, Carlisle failed you for releasing you too young into the world."

Shame glued my feet to the ground. I wanted to flee but could not move. "I fed from them."

"You did," he sounded troubled. "All things being equal, far better you chose their blood, than that of innocents. Had you not fed you could have done far worse. I have been proud to see you restricting yourself to animal blood all these years. I know it has been difficult."

I said to my shoes and the red leaves underneath them, "This is not real."

Father's deep voice sounded so kind, "You are correct. It is not. That is why I chose a location for us to meet that we never went to when you were alive. But it is still true. When you raise children, you do your best to teach them right from wrong. Then holding your breath, you sit back and watch them stumble and learn how to walk. Sometimes they fall."

Now I had to add insult to injury by weeping. I batted at my eyes. "I did far more than skin a knee."

"But I am still your Father. It is my job to pick you up. Edward, you wanted to go to war. Well, it looks like it came to you instead. Seeing as you've been tormenting yourself over this for decades, it is perchance a blessing that you never went to the Great War, after all. Trench warfare, from what I saw of it, would have been unpleasant."

"That's different, I –"

"You dismembered," he interrupted me, "after you drank from humans every night for three years. We are _quite_ aware Edward. We saw you take every life. Your Mother blames herself." I put my head in my hands and felt his hand resting on the nape of my neck. "Edward, your problem is that you never owned it. We understand you have to protect Bella - but guard your temper when facing others of your kind. We love you. We have always loved you. We always shall love you. Nothing can change that, son." I felt the weight removed from my neck and knew, just knew, that he was gone. There was so much I had wanted to say. I did not realize until I saw him how much I loved and missed my human Father.

Shaken to the marrow of my bones, I wept. I have no idea how long I sat on the bench and cried. I reached out to Bella for comfort and my hands went right through her.

"Silly, I'm not really here," She said and evaporated.

Sitting on the park bench like a penitent before a bloody altar, I was left staring at my victims. Mortals that could not see or hear me walked through the park oblivious to the presence of this grisly mob of murdered men.

"I am sorry," I said to them. "I should not have drunk from you. But I am not sorry I stopped you. And I am not sorry that I kept you from becoming one such as me. I envy that you died and stayed dead. I hated you for that."

Confused, I doubled over and covered my face. Starched Shirt Edward held my hand for a while and mercifully stilled his tongue. Dressed in identical outfits - his aged, mine fresh - felt surreal. I heard more rustling to my left as wind buffeted against me.

The leaf that had been in my shoestrings floated to my left twisting and winding like a miniature kite. I never would have seen it otherwise: the statue. Unassuming, it watched as mortals passed it by without stopping. The life-sized figure appeared to be a young Virgin Mary, eyes downcast. She wore a withered crown of twigs and tan leaves that partially obscured her head. I felt like she stared at the ground before me because I was not worthy of her regard. The vampire Samaritan.

I might have been a non-practicing-for-eight-decades Roman Catholic, but some things I refused to scorn when God had left me out in the frigid cold: his Mother, for example. Like a victim being prodded towards a freshly dug grave, I knew this would not end well. Here I was, a lowly semi-reformed mass murderer of both mortals and immortals, not fit to even gaze upon her, brushing the leaves from her head and shoulders. While I was at it, I used my handkerchief to clean a spot of moss from her wrist. You can take the man from the Church, but you cannot take the Church completely from the not-quite-human. Sister Claire came to life in the statue as warm flesh replaced worn marble.

"You are so stubborn." I jumped. "Did you not notice the words Marcus used with Bella? When he said the greatest lies we tell are to ourselves? They were the very same I told you years ago."

How did my guardian angel become a typical woman expecting me to know everything? I had been spying, I mean lying like a broken lump of coal in the room when that conversation had transpired. How was I to know that Marcus' words that I interpreted to mean Bella needed to stop suspecting everyone in her family of deceit - were intended for _me_ instead - as a message from on high? When last I checked I was not Superman. Or perfect. Or mentally ill. So two of out three were not bad, right?

"I _was_ right, you know," she chucked me under the chin and wiped at the tears on my face. "You have a purpose in this life. Go back to Chicago. You have work to do." Then she vanished leaving the statue behind.

I doubled over and covered my bewildered face. Starched Shirt Edward took me by the hand and mercifully kept his pronouncements to himself as he led me back to the park bench. He patted my shoulder as I pondered my sins. I know not how much time passed while I studied the mocking gloss of my shoes - the ones I was not fit to wear any longer. I had not been that innocent pure soul in so long. Someone to my left began tapping a foot.

Arria sat in my Father's place, wearing the same clothes she worn when going into battle. Surreptitiously, I wiped at my eyes. Arria did not notice my discomfort. She twirled a dagger in her right hand absent-mindedly.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked her.

"Allow Bella to make her choice. It is her life."

"She does not have a choice. Either she turns or by Volturi law she has to die. That or the mate bond that killed your Mother."

"If anything there is a huge clamor in the aristocracy insisting she be left human so that we can experiment on her."

"Ew." I think not.

"Agreed. Now you see why getting your mate bond repaired and functioning is so important. Oh, and one other thing." She sounded like she had forgotten to assign me a mundane errand. The blade continued to flash through her fingers.

"What is it?"

"Well, you have all these human symptoms. There is something you have failed to consider."

"I am sure you will be delighted to inform me."

"While your heart beats you most likely produce sperm." She left the blade wiggling from side to side embedded in the wood of the bench on inch to the left of my upper thigh.

My mother-in-law from Hell walked into the forest with me staring at her slack jawed. That woman most definitely wanted grandchildren. And I decided that I most definitely wanted to see if she was right.

Jugurtha and I bellowed the word, "Research!" simultaneously.

I positively could not wait to get started on my clinical trails. The results would be earth-shattering. But oh so worthwhile, I enthused, as I returned to my mental fantasy of returning to the house, seeing Bella standing by the table feeding our human children, rocking an infant against her hip and humming off key. Granted, her heart was too weak to bear children. But that was what surrogates were for, right?

Starched Shirt Edward stayed tellingly silent. It was perhaps a good thing he was not up to date on the papal encyclicals concerning reproductive research. Even he was willing to risk our immortal soul to sin in the name of science. And our future. Our children needed us. The world vanished.

"So what brings you here, Mr. Cullen?" I stood in a commercial enterprise that I did not recognize. Mrs. Corelli had her olive hands on a metal shopping cart and acted like nothing was wrong with standing and conversing with a former student in the condom section at a public store. Those heels could be used as weapons, and I could not understand how she remained level wearing them. Then I realized where I was and what she had said.

"Ah . . . well . . ." Words fled like thieves and abandoned me trussed like a Thanksgiving turkey on a cheap tin platter.

"Safe sex is a smart thing to plan, young man, especially with a bride with a heart condition," she left unsaid surprisingly protective thought,_ "who'd better not get pregnant or I'll beat the crap out of you when no one is looking," _handed me a cardboard box with the name of an old warrior on it. "Try these. My husband likes them."

I did not think it appropriate for me to say, "Actually Mrs. Corellli, I believe you would find it quite the challenge to beat the crap out of me, seeing as I have not taken one in over a century. But by all means, feel free to try." It would have been ungentlemanly of me to allow a woman to beat me. Well, anyone but Bella. Who could hit me whenever she so desired. As long as we were alone, and preferably in bed. That somehow sounded wrong. But diverting.

I then found myself standing around shattered trees staring down at microscopic particles of latex that had exploded along with another incident of venom leakage. I was clothed, smelling of venom and shame.

Starched Shirt Edward patted me on the arm, "There, there."

"I cannot even manage to masturbate without destroying the area around me. How the Hell am I going to survive foreplay? I know they call it the 'little death.' But seriously this is _overkill_." And hyperventilating was totally killing that relaxed sensation I had.

Jugurtha, glanced up from the planner and shrugged, "Now we know that we will not be requiring the use of those in any capacity. I think it is not about _us_ surviving foreplay. It is about _her_ surviving foreplay."

Starched Shirt Edward shrieked, "We are NOT confessing this to our family."

"Of course not," Jugurtha agreed, "Tree destruction is not their affair. You missed a spot," he pointed to my left as I repaired what damage that I could re-positioning a tree from the disemboweled earth to stand upright once again. "We will simply work on our discipline. Once our bride is immortal then she will be indestructible. So we are totally biting her soon because it will most likely compete the mate bond process. Problem solved."

I woke up to blinding agony like I had landed on the surface of the sun, which meant I had to be alive. Right? And I was in a definitely non-wolf like form in my own bed with a wan Bella beside me. Rigid, I shook and tried to breathe through it. Was this another test? The pain dissipated as I stared at her in wonder.

I reached out a hand to touch her. My, her collarbone felt warm. It shamed me to admit, that I had missed her scent. And it felt wrong smelling it. She was so much more than a scent. But holding my breath was not working out all that well.

Jugurtha smacked me upside the head, "Stop acting like a moron, her scent heals your soul. Breathe, you imbecile."

In that second, my heart felt like it beat faster than I could count. It felt like I had a freight train trapped in my throat as I swallowed. Words fled like forest nymphs from a dragon. I did not care that she did not love me. I could love enough for us both. That was fair.

"I would give anything to win your heart." I thought that. I do not think I said that last part out loud.

Bella yawned. "I think you've done quite enough, don't you?"

This had to be part of that weird dream state I had been in. I hated talking, which meant this could not be real. So I told the truth.

"If I had to face Maria's army a hundred times over to merit your regard I would do it."

"I think I just might let you," she extended her shaking hand, "My name is Bella Swan." She paused and blinked away tears, "It's nice to meet you."

"My name is Edward Cullen, I am equally charmed. Please do not weep."

Belatedly, I groggily realized that I was awake and gracious, I felt sore. Everywhere. I would have to panic about what I had said later. I had made her cry. I could not do that.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Miss Swan?"

She withdrew her hand from mine and gestured towards her face, "Trifling tears of joy. Pay them no heed. Would you, by any chance, be familiar with the game of chess?"

"I am, indeed, my fair lady."

"Do you enjoy chess?"

"I do indeed, Miss Swan. I absolutely adore chess, my queen. You could say I have a particular obsession with it. But I am very selective about with whom I choose to play. Only the best will do, you see."

This could not be real because I do not believe I wore anything more than a pair of boxers. She was outside of the covers, which was not normal. And she seemed awfully comfortable as she scooted across the bed and cuddled against my bare chest. But I could smell her drying tears and feel them across my skin. And her scent, mere words could not describe its affect on me. It ranked below the pleasure I felt when gazing upon the woman I loved, truth be told.

"That's fascinating because I, too, am picky about my chess opponents. I think you look like you would offer me an - at best - marginal fight."

_Marginal?_ I sat up on my elbows and glowered and then winced and sank back when she pushed at me with a single finger. I might possibly have groaned. She laughed at me, the wench, and wiped at her leaking eyes. Her engagement ring winked at me from her left hand.

And now I knew for sure it was real. Because the Universe would not give me a break from being tormented after nearly dying by at least one female in the Telecles line. I was some kind of Telecles catnip. They sure enjoyed toying with me. And as long as it was Bella, I did not mind letting her play. Not one bit.

Jugurtha said, "Now would not be the opportune time to lecture her. You have an audience listening." Right.

"I can say the same about you Miss Swan. I believe I owe you a trouncing for scaring me to death." There, I had said just enough to let her know and the others in the house, that I was still an enraged male correcting my mate.

"Right back 'atcha lover boy. I'll play you in eight hours."

"Why eight hours?" Wasn't Loverboy a Canadian rock band that Rosalie enjoyed? My thoughts were so muzzled.

"Because I need to catch my beauty sleep. I've been awake for three days, and you've been in some kind of coma for almost two weeks. Here, drink some algae." My dear little algae lover. How I had missed her so. She held the cup to my lips.

"Yeesh." I grimaced. "That tastes so vile." She reached across me and poured another glass out of pure spite, I think. Service with a smile indeed. Of course I drank every drop since she was willing to hold it to my mouth. I could not disappoint her. I loved her.

"And Edward?"

"Yes?" She wiped my drooling mouth for me with a napkin and pushed me back down in bed.

"My good man. Do not struggle. Her pushing you around in bed is totally hot." Jugurtha said.

"You could harm our dear peach with your strength. Best do what he says," Starched Shirt Edward blinked. "I'm going to go back to praying for him now." He skipped off to his prayer bench whistling _Ave Maria_.

Bella patted my cheek. The one on my face, thank you very much. "You now owe me ten days of vacation at your house in the mountains."

In mock outrage I spluttered, "Ten?" Somehow, I would bear that burden. Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward all but danced in glee.

"We could," he cleared his throat, "Do lots of lecturing of our wayward wife in that time in privacy as it should be." Oh, most definitely.

"Oooh so he wants to be feisty. Now it's eleven."

"Can we go for a nice even number like sixteen?" Bella did not answer. Which to me definitely meant she had no objections.

I could sense my relieved and laughing family throughout the house, but they left us in peace. Grace crooned a greeting and rubbed at my hair and put Bella under the covers.

Bella promptly curled up against me and fell asleep. She was back in my bed and arms where she belonged. Which was as it should be. And hurt like heck. And like the typical man I so wanted to be, I went straight to sleep with a contented snore. Quality-pressed-against-the-flesh-time had never been so sweet. I would have to beat her at chess and debate tomorrow. For now, I was content to let her feel in control. And I -

* * *

**I'm reading **_**Places, Everyone**_** by LJ Summers right now. I love what she does with her Bella. Girl's got a spine. **

**http:/www**** (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6016009/1/Places_Everyone**

**And Fantasy Mother decided to spoil her readers and add in an extra chapter to Across the Universes - which I've read and is awesome. **

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So the Telecles-Catharnai-Cullens engaged in some family bonding and fought. A lot. Vine Vide Vice and all that. Sam becomes the new alpha. Leah shows leadership acumen, and grace under pressure. Aaron flees the Southern Coven Army like a jet plane. Edward gives entirely new meaning to the word fursplode after Lancelot pisses him off and runs into the eager embrace of some newborns. Marcus slaughters the other side with a cast of thousands at his beck and call. Diva. His sons want everyone to spread the word that the boys are back in town. Paula says, "Goodbye, it's been crazy times." Douglas and Henrietta check out Edward's new hot tub. Speaking of friends, Edward makes a new set of disreputable shady ones that help him spread mayhem and enhance his reputation. Marcus and Bella have a chat about her demon-wayfaring ways and her deal with his Momma. While unconscious, Edward has some interesting dreams. When he wakes up, Edward asks Bella for another round of chess.**

**She counters by demanding time with him at his fortress of solitude. The other one. Two weeks of alone time. *Edward faints* **

**We'll have to keep working on that endurance issue. Wait. He just woke up. Um, someone's a wee bit defensive. Prick. **

**Please review! Jugurtha says it inspires snark. I say it inspires teasers.**

**Douglas "the Destroyer" would like to greet his fans. He and Jugurtha have left smoking hot pictures on my profile.**

**Quick Characterization AN: The Heisenberg Uncertainty principle when applied to people argues that two can observe an event happening in real time and walk away with entirely different interpretations. In the last chapter, some of you might have felt (and still do) that Bella acted heroically in making the deal with the Priestess and using herself as demon bait. I don't disagree with that evaluation. In my mind, Bella was partially driven by the mate bond to try and protect Edward as best she could. But there is another side. She acted without thinking through the consequences in immortal terms. And she made a decision without sharing that with anyone that was affected. Given her past, I think it is understandable why she behaved as she did. She's used to solving problems on her own, and in her mind, everyone is so well trained they'll roll with the punches. She's used to not having anyone to turn to. Now she sees yet another example to show her otherwise. I think you can be both brave and foolhardy at the same time. And Edward, GooberWard, as jmolly calls him, finally got around to telling Bella that he loved her. Sort of. Really. That totally counts, he insists. He's never said it quite like that to her before, so he gets points for creativity and romanticism.**

**Renesme is not a character in this story. I sincerely respect the right of others to adore every aspect of BD. I am not one of them - and sincerely wish that were not the case. I can't buy into the idea of children who communicate by face-palming their parents. Frankly, the concept of the hybrid baby and the damage it did to Bella and Edward's characterization repulsed me in BD. More importantly, I think a honeymoon baby in CC would be the worst possible thing for Edward and Bella given the fact that they have established in the front arc that they both aren't approaching marriage in a mature fashion with all the secret keeping and betting and not respecting each other's boundaries. Besides, Main Edward has other things he'd much rather munch on than Bella's . . . Not that he's telling you what they are. Nom. **

**We are fast approaching the conclusion of the Heart of Darkness arc.**

**And now if I might shamelessly borrow a phrase from prettyflour. . .**

**Sparkling out with an epic fist pump or five,**

**Books**

* * *

**References:**

**If you have not seen Abbot and Costello's comedy routine Who's on First, you really should:**

**http:/www**** (dot) americanrhetoric )dot) com/speeches/abbott&costellowhosonfirst (dot) htm**

**The "lean and hungry look," line is from Julius Caesar by the Bard:**

**http:/shakespeare**** (dot) mit (dot) edu/julius_caesar/julius_caesar (dot) 1 (dot) 2 (dot) html**

**The phrase, "the buck stops here," has a rich history:**

**http:/www**** (dot) trumanlibrary (dot) org/buckstop (dot) htm**

**Don't run into the hydra. Anywhere: http:/www (dot) pantheon (dot) org/articles/h/hydra (dot) html**

**How many hairs do you really lose in a day?**

**http:/www**** (dot) ehow (dot) com/about_5418646_many-hairs-do-lose-day (dot) html**

**For more on killing lawyers and Shakespeare:**

**http:/blogs**** (dot) wsj (dot) com/law/2006/10/04/the-first-thing-we-do-lets-kill-all-the-lawyers/**

**For more on Stellar's Jays – The Cornell Lab of Ornithology is a great place to learn about birds: ****http:/www**** (dot) allaboutbirds (dot) org/guide/Stellers_Jay/id**

**For more on Joseph Addison who had some amazing thoughts:**

**http:/www**** (dot) worldofquotes (dot) com/author/Joseph-Addison/1/index (dot) html**

**For more on Western Bluebirds:**

**http:/www**** (dot) seattleaudubon (dot) org/birdweb/bird_details (dot) aspx?id=353**

**For more on fall leaves:**

**http:/www**** (dot) sciencemadesimple (dot) com/leaves (dot) html**

**Saint Thomas Aquinas' theory on war:**

**http:/ethics**** (dot) sandiego (dot) edu/Books/Texts/Aquinas/JustWar (dot) html**

**Sometimes a picture is worth more that a thousand words. Try two thousand:**

** (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/womanleavesstatue (dot) jpg**

**For more on human wave attacks and battle history:**

**http:/www**** (dot) wordiq (dot) com/definition/Human_wave_attack**

**For more on the Korean War:**

**http:/militaryhistory (dot) about (dot) com/od/battleswars1900s/p/chosin (dot) htm**

**Loverboy is a band from Canada that was popular in the 80's. Really.**

**http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=cues2i1fv58**


	65. HOD pt 54 Rules of Engagement

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me.**

**Fantasy Mother has had to take a break from beta-ing because RL got busy. I'm dedicating this chapter to her because I wouldn't have posted the story without her encouraging me to in the first place, nor would I have gotten this far without her help. **

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing. Thanks to SleepyValentina and Farkle for their help with this chapter. And to Pomme_de_Terre as well for her beta-assistance. Ladies you are awesome!**

*****This chapter contains mature content. By that I mean images from a battle, violence, snark, more snark, and sexual content. You have been warned. Oh, and I don't suggest drinking anything while reading. *evil grin* ******

**I posted a one-shot from the Priestess' point of view - called Bella and the Priestess. Let's just say there are some hints in there you might find interesting for plot purposes - one that applies to this chapter in particular. Hint. Hint.**

**LJ Summers and I are beta-ing Fall To Ruin One Day by SleepyValentina which you should check out. **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Songs for this chapter: **

**Rhythm of Love - Plain White T's -****http:/www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=JWiwuiT58Yc**

**Fields of Gold - Sting -****http:/www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=cxVH-5D6c-k**

**Super Freak - Rick James -****http:/www**** (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M**

* * *

**Many thanks to all for reading! Doing the roll call was awesome! Thanks to all for the tweets, PM's, reviews, and posts. I especially love it when someone comes out of lurkdom to say hello. **

**Shout outs to my muses! U2shay, JB30, mamato, love4allpplz, star574, mortangel, Erica Keber, sonecrackle, angelari7, prettyflour, RosalieSmiled, CindyWindy, Zazagirl339, Simaril, hunybmom, Lady Dragona, PurpleMadDragon, Fitten, avidreader69, writz, bitandhooked, stykks, markieelizabeth, favludo, luv4edwardcullen, Solenoidbelle, angelbach, twifam1, sweetblood19, summerc79, Rogue, oldladytish, nutmeig, amyat, KristenHazzard, Fleuritup, pomme_de_terre, stretheway, twaddles, itanaru18, akemi, TraceyJ, MitziJani, Shemhazai, notmyself, Siamecho, fanficreader83, JaJiTaXx, Bluecanoe, LJSummers, mouse kitty, Merrisol, vampiremom1221, nazgullover, mww0128, wintersqueen23, TwilightMomofTwo, and redsoxlove.**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Hi there! *waves* *sniffs* It's been so long! We are finally at the end of the HOD arc. I've divided this chapter into two sections because even I, the High Priestess of Epic Snark, have my limits, and LJ Summers said it was only fair I give you all time to have a bathroom and/or food break. The final HOD installment will go up in 24 hours. It's written and beta'd. Really. Swear. Shut up. Kidding on the shut up part. Um, consider the extra chapter an extra special holiday gift from my heart to you. **

**In order to understand this chapter you need to remember every single freaking word of the past fifty-three. Kidding. There will be a test at the end of this chapter administered by The Beast from Chicago who has started lobbying for a Name. Not. So . . . At the beginning of the HOD arc, Edward made a deal with a wily Quileute ghost of a shaman named Hezekiah to procure the tribe **_**another**_** shaman (theirs being dead and all), agreed to be Hezekiah's student, and train said newbie shaman. In exchange for his labor, he was offered all kinds of awesome powers that created utter chaos in Main Edward's delusional life. Oh, and he kind-of-sort-of-accidentally fell in love along the way with his dear little demented one – whom at the moment he is quite cross with as she's been dangling her luscious bits in front of a thousand year old demon who is most definitely after more than Jasper's ass. And his wife's. The second one. She's already had her way with his first one. (Really long story. That. Gory, too.). And Edward is most definitely in a state of Epic Manly Outrage (also known as EMO) because his dear little not-that-she-knows-she-is-married-to-me wife has been having secret carryings on with Marcus' batshit Momma. Considering Marcus' Momma has spent the past thousand years staring at the butchered corpses of her not so dearly departed Grandchildren that were slain by a demon's hands, the very idea that she would send Bella out to trap an infinitely **_**more**_** powerful demon has him all kinds of pissy. (To learn more about her and how she sees Edward and Bella's relationship check out the one-shot Bella and the Priestess that I posted.) So Maria is screaming in eternal Hell courtesy of Marcus' Momma - who oh so conveniently remembered a spa appointment to work on her body odor issues and split without so much as a "Oh snap, biotch!" at her stunned foe. **

**Edward and company returned to Forks to face a two-front battle. Bella kind of overdosed Edward on that endless supply of power vampire substitute for crack she has. Marcus led his Army of Eternal Doom into battle against the Southern Coven Forces of Gloom. Stinky du Loc got on Edward's last nerve and he showed **_**him **_**what happens to people who leer at his woman's breasts. Edward kind of . . . well, you'll just have to read about it, but he channeled his inner beast and went all wolfpire on the opposing side. And he doesn't mean to brag, but life is good when you are the biggest of them all. *blinks* Paula most definitely knew how to make a memorable exit. In the process of slaying the masses, Edward was nibbled on by a few creaky old vampires and pfft - an Eurotrash werewolf or two. He had some really awesome dreams/visions, one with his human Father telling him he needed to face up to his past, the other with Sister Claire telling him he needed to get to work. Hezekiah said the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes was so impressed at Edward's acumen that they decided to let him have the joy of Bella's scent back. When he woke up, he kinda sorta said, "I don't Fake Love you. I really Really Love you. Hi, my name is…" **

**Things you need to remember from past chapters to help you understand this one are as follows: Edward has been working on that whole self-loathing problem. He kind of went buck wild in Chicago some years back and stopped feasting on humans when he met a nun named Sister Claire that he thinks of as his own personal guardian angel. She inconveniently died on him, having been stabbed by some asshole that Edward felt justified in drinking dry. Edward returned back to Carlisle and Esme, but never told him, or anyone else for that matter, what really happened during his vacation. His Parents have kept his secret because it's not theirs to tell the rest of the family. Edward created this mental delusion in which if he played the part of the perfect 17-year old son, then his family would keep him, having lost almost all his mortal memories and, more particularly, the memory of what human love felt like. Not **_**that**_** kind of human love. Pervs. He had no memories of **_**that**_** to forget - him being pure as the driven snow and all. And he thought he was **_**pretending**_** to be shy, when all along, Edward really was extremely introverted as a human. Carlisle interpreted Edward's withdrawn behavior as the vampire nature taking outstanding qualities and magnifying them. Edward became the world's quietest vampire (next, of course, to Marcus). Bella has a habit of going to sleep and waking up in entirely different locations, thanks to Edward, and being unnaturally calm about it. In a fit of temper, Edward kind of made Arria's life difficult and put everyone in her coven's food chain on a diet – but he had good reason because she was being a jerk. Arria let him know that he kind of messed up her plans regarding Bella – seeing as Bella had been previously engaged and all. Not that Bella knew anything about it. I feel the need to emphasize once again that there is NO love triangle in this story between Edward, Bella and any other individual/entity/other assshole. There. I feel better now. Speaking of assholes, Edward got all those human memories back the day he saw Bella leap from a cliff. And he's really really sorry, and trying his best to mop up the mess that happened when he split Forks in high dudgeon. Now you're sorry? Asshat. *sighs* InHuMen. Crazy, every last one of them. Not that I know any aside from the voices in my head. But still. **

**Bella finds out that her past isn't really her past. Much to her alarm, she is now one of the hottest prizes in the immortal world. Edward and Bella made a deal about getting married. So he has to keep up his end of the bargain by marrying and having sex with his wife, who unbeknownst to her really is his wife in the vampire world. He also has to turn her. At the time of the agreement, he had no problem agreeing to that whole making love, I do, nom nom business. He didn't think she was serious and all. Plus, he figured if the fantastic event that she WAS serious, he'd figure out how to have sex with her without killing her cause he is, after all, a freaking genius. Just not at that freaking part, but give the boy points for effort. Bella really has no idea how hard that man has to work to get some booty. Well, time has passed, the wedding date approaches, and Edward still hasn't figured out how he's going to have sex with his wife without nom noming on parts of her that he should not. Oh, and you kind of need to know the front arc. The revised by your evil author and beta'd by her evil and, they might add, snarkalicious betas - front arc to see the chaos that Tanya caused most definitely on purpose. With that, we find our lovers in bed - asleep - deviants - and begin our chapter. Heads up – Edward is drifting in and out of consciousness so things will be bumpy at first. Oh, and strap on the seat belts. And away we go. **

**Cullenary Coupling – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty Four –Rules of Engagement – Surviving My Wife Is Going to Make a Mass Murderer Out of Me**

Biting through the leg of a European werewolf, I shook my head from side to side spraying blood everywhere. Grace crooned to me as I sank my jaws into the back of another werewolf. I ignored her while literally swiping at the enemy with scythe-like claws. Gleefully, I sent their remains spinning into the dark sky like mulch kicked up by a gardener's careless feet.

Two ornery Egyptians clung to my shins and clamped down with the enthusiasm of alcoholics locked in a liquor store. I had learned the neat trick of using my blood as being the agent of their death, as it appeared to be lethal causing them to burst into their own funeral pyre. Even better, if my blood dripped on one or two on the ground, it had the same bombastic outcome.

In hindsight I think I fell victim to battle rage; because I failed to think that move through to a logical outcome. Since they died so spectacularly in bursts of flame, at the time I did not realize it made me a target, making that whole being invisible part kind of pointless. Even from my eyes, I behaved like I had gone so far around the bend that I made Paula appear like a stellar model of mental decorum.

Grace let me keep shredding and flambéing the enemy as she attempted to make me listen to her. Then, guessing by the pockets of exploding Southern Coven Army members, her friends joined in deciding if the enemy in front of me was dead that perhaps I might pay attention when they heard the note of panic in Grace's call. Arria and Grace seemed to have joined minds because I could hear my mother-in-law.

And I did not care that she said I was dying. I did not care because killing was far too much fun. Then she sent me an image of Bella's heartbroken face followed by the site of her drowned body on that rock, and I lurched awake, gasping. Bella's lips were not blue and she breathed normally for her, giving a snore every now and then.

Mary Alice handed me a drugged cup of sludge and helped me drink it down. Grimacing did not make a difference in how disgusting it tasted, but somehow I felt better for it as I angled a grateful look at her. "I do not deserve you as a sister."

"Hush, you." She did not bother to hide a troubled face.

I asked Jugurtha, "Please schedule a session for me to fret about my mental health when I can properly appreciate how much trouble I have managed to encounter. Again."

"Rest is your best weapon right now," he answered. "Use it ruthlessly."

I slipped into the darkness.

So much for the peace offered by sleep and the succor of oblivion. Some vindictive deity decided I needed to be expeditiously travailed and aimed for my heart. Mother held me in her fevered arms in Chicago of 1918. Flames from a fever I could not control licked at my skin, and I could smell the stench of the rapidly dying humanity in the room. For a shameful breath, I feared that my immortal existence had been the product of a fever - that I would eternally die - and that Bella had never existed.

"Never forget that your Father and I love you, Edward. Remember, you must stay strong, no matter what," Mother whispered in my ear and weakly shook me a bit for emphasis. Cool tears splattered on my burning cheeks. Her eyes brimmed with stark trepidation. I promptly doubled over and clutched at my cramping abdomen, realizing this was a bad memory. I had forgotten her words, indeed most of my mortal life, and then remembered it all on one inglorious day. All too late. It did not stop me from promising her comfort. She was my Mother, and I an idealistic young man about ready to have his life blasted to smithereens to be reborn a dark phoenix.

"All will be well, Mother. I promise. You'll see."

One moment I was slipping from this mortal coil in the packed hospital ward, and the next Horatio sat by me in my family's fetid parlour. Our cook, three maids, and a small child were scattered about the floor having died one-by-one in squalor amongst the rich trappings. None appeared at rest, which seemed wrong, considering they had gone on to their eternal reward. Although this was something I would forever be barred from achieving, with Bella at my side, it no longer rankled. I embraced that this was how things were meant to be: the natural order of an unnatural life.

Horatio said, "Take heart. You are not immortal, you know. Not really. You _can_ die."

"That means that I would indubitably go straight to perdition after all the misdeeds that I have done."

"Edward, my friend, what if when you did die, that the good outweighed the bad?"

He vanished. I could not tear my eyes away from the small child who had huddled against our cook in death - a parody of a Madonna and child if ever there was one. I doubled over again and everything went black.

How had a vampire, particularly a snotty aristocrat by his dress, invaded my dreams? He was tall, sported pouty lips better suited to a clown fish, shoulder length smooth brown hair, with mocking maroon eyes. I suppose some might consider him handsome. And instead of being in my bedroom, he and I stood over the Goblin Gates in the National Park, a place where the Elwha River fell into a basin creating a spectacular view and a nasty fall for any that slipped.

"Cullen, we meet at last," he jovially held out his arms in welcome and over-enunciated his Oscan as if I could not understand the purity of his excellent accent.

"Who might you be?"

"No one of importance. You can call me Lucius." He said that like he granted me my greatest wish. I rolled my eyes at him.

Querulously, I barked, "Then why are you pestering me? Busy here."

"I wanted to thank you for conveniently dying so I can marry my promised mate."

That dying part I ignored, because he clearly did not know me or how stubborn I was at clinging to this immortal realm. He had my attention at his intentions towards my wife, "Bella was engaged to no one prior to accepting my suit."

"A female Telecles was promised to me at her birth, sight unseen. When word spread that she had mated with you, was brain-damaged, and ungainly to boot, I broke the agreement with Arria. Recently, I have come to see the error of my ways. _La Principesa_ is awfully spirited. I think she will do quite well in our family once she learns some basic manners. My coven and I are on our way to claim her. Thank you for keeping her safe for me. Now let's see what we can do to send you on your way." He squinted and frowned. If that was his, "I am about to dispatch you prepare to die" look, then I was embarrassed for him as a somewhat reformed killer.

He uttered those foul words with an overly-sincere manner so cloying I could taste the deceit. Having decades of expertise in that area, I knew a practiced liar when I heard one. He would have done cartwheels of joy had my Bella died a few years back. Perfidious Prune. He squinted again. Could vampires suffer from constipation? He looked like a likely candidate.

"What are you planning on doing, squinting at me so I die of boredom?"

He laughed, sincerely this time, "For one so young, your arrogance entertains me. You have no idea how easy it is to kill you."

Jugurtha said, "Be cautious."

"Why?" I snapped. "He reminds me of Phoenix."

"Either get on with it or go away. I have better things to do with my time."

I felt pressure begin in my forehead, like I had been pinned to the ground and kicked repeatedly in the skull by an outraged horse. Make no mistake, he was definitely trying to crush me, and coming close to succeeding. Blood ran from my eyes, ears, and nose, choking me. Weakly, I batted my attacker away. The pressure kept building. Because I am stubborn as a goat, I pretended to be unaffected.

The birds erupted from my hands, FitzSinister and FitzLuck, and lunged for him.

"Oh, look, what cute pets!" FitzLuck took exception to the word "cute" and pounced. Lucius' cloak was history – the immortal only managed to move in the nick of time.

"You owe me a coat!" He sniped. Really? I would like to raise that by an arm or a leg.

Some force batted the birds back without harming them.

"I do not like that one," Starched Shirt Edward shrilled and waved an arm at him, "Begone!"

"Me neither. That means we need to wake up, if we are so weak he can reach us in our dreams. He is clearly trying to dispatch us." Jugurtha shook my shoulder. The Beast from Chicago slugged me.

"What the -" I yelled as the Beast took the ball of power that I had created in self-defense at his strike, seized my arm, and pointed it at the jackanapes. I did not need to have a battle plan mapped out for me. The Beast helped me throw the lot at the rival. Lucius screamed in what I hoped was considerable distress. That should teach him to disturb my rest, and worse, threaten my mate with matrimonial intentions. I wish I could say that he had the buffoonery of Phoenix.

"Schedule something vile to happen to Lucius at an opportune moment," I instructed Jugurtha. He and the Beast consulted.

I heard other voices talking but tuned them out like the buzzing of an insect that I could not banish.

Lucius looked like he was coming back for round two. And I had expended what little energy I could muster. Someone wiped at my face and turned my head so I would stop suffocating. Cool hands took away the pain.

An enraged Hezekiah appeared behind gloating Lucius, armed with his staff.

"Hey Luscious!" Hezekiah taunted.

Lucius pivoted, indignantly at the jibe, "My name is Lucius. What do you want, old man?"

"Your head on a stick will do for now, coward." Hezekiah guffawed, swung the staff like a baseball bat at Lucius' skull. Too bad it was glowing at the time, the staff, with all that wolf energy. "Pathetic you are trying to kill a wounded man off in his sickbed! Come back to fight my student when you can act like a real man."

"You are going to die, mortal."

Hezekiah crowed, "I am already dead, imbecile. You can't kill me a second time, smarty-pants. Sure can't say the same for you, though." He sent another swing at Lucius, who ducked.

"Interesting company you keep, Cullen. Mr. Shade, there are worse things than dying." Lucius was not able to avoid the next hit, "Cross me again and you'll find out."

"Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out!" Hezekiah shouted as Lucius vanished, clutching his smoking skull and acting as if he were late for a pressing business appointment. I was definitely going to kill that blackguard - just as soon as I could stay awake long enough to carry out the deed. Someone was crying. That bothered me. I could not wake up to do anything about it, though.

"You cannot kill this Lucius right away," Jugurtha sighed, "because if the Fake Canadians were willing to make an alliance with him through marriage, then it stands to reason he comes from a powerful family that Marcus needs. Do you really think Arria would pick an idiot to marry her daughter?"

"She made the agreement at least seventeen years before her coven knew that Marcus was not slobbering and mute. _Arria _needed him; we do not know that Marcus does."

"Regardless, we must heed the counsel of our human Father. We must evince more prudence in our displays of force. This opponent? He should be treated as lethal - individually as well as politically."

"Miss Grace?" Starched Shirt Edward asked, "Can you please show us what transpired while we convalesced?" He left unsaid the message that Grace had not been able to stop Lucius, which, upon further contemplation, frightened me.

Like sparklers on the Fourth of July scattering tongues of fire behind closed lids, flashes of the past two weeks bombarded me. Reluctantly, I stumbled from my dream world toward the summit of consciousness. My face smarted: that Beast had a nasty left uppercut.

Bella's voice sounded happy. "Rosalie, look, he's waking up."

Out of the blue, it felt like someone had grabbed me from underneath the bed and was trying to pull me through the mattress as bands encircled my chest and constricted my air. Lucius apparently had sent a friend.

"Dream. Attack. Help. Enemy," I gasped.

Wonderful, now I sounded like I channeled Genevieve: the patron saint of unclear familial communication. The Quileute spirits understood and my entire body flamed malachite. Bella threw herself against me, which felt nice, especially when she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I don't think so," Bella sounded irritated. And did I say she was hot? I mean physically? I mean she burned my skin, in addition to being gorgeous? The pain ceased. I heard someone screaming far away, a female voice - not Bella's. Then it winked out as if it had never been there in the first place. With the cessation of the agony, I sighed.

Arria put her hands on my head. "Whoever they are, they have talent."

The Gorgon said, "I am following their path, Daughter. That female will no longer trouble Edward," she sounded quite satisfied. Then I felt another hand on my face. Bella lying against me was awesome -her Mother and Grandmother touching me at the same time? Not so much.

Frustrated, I used what little strength I had to tug on the Marcus-vine and send him Lucius' message and lame assassination attempts. I stopped short of begging him to keep his female relations from man-handling me - Bella being the exception.

By the sounds of the reinforced power rings that sprung up around the house, Marcus was not amused, and Arria coveted someone's ashes in an urn aside from mine. Some people collected china figurines or stamps. My Mother-in-law collected the ashes of her enemies. With Marcus and King Larce in charge, her existence not so onerous, I had no idea what she would do to keep herself occupied in peaceful times. Feng shui? I think not.

Grace called out for my attention. She showed me a panoramic view of the battlefield not long after they had carried me off. Body parts, many of them still twitching, carpeted the ground and hung like macabre Christmas ornaments in the evergreen charnel house that the Olympic National Forest had become. Due to the severe thunderstorm, the legionnaires moved at that intimidating blur and used Greek fire and Thucer to incinerate the definitely forever dead. Arria stood at one end of the field and ordered her Fake Canadians to cease juggling severed limbs as she tossed a begging-for-mercy head into a bonfire. She would have made an exceptional basketball player with her height and aim.

Next, Grace showed me the Quileute wolves.

"_What are we going to do about that?" _Embry asked Sam through the wolf link as he tilted his snout towards what remained of Paula.

"_We are not touching that. Let the vampires use their powers to make sure it is rid of the demon."_

"_Paula was ours."_

"_We can do nothing. Edward put up a force-field around her. What are you doing_,_ Seth?"_ Sam forgot that in human form, Seth could not hear him.

At the time I had created the ring around Paula, it had made good sense. To contain the demon should Paula have lost, I had also acted to keep Jacob from jumping onto his own funeral pyre – clearly a sign of my battlefield insanity. Garbed in Emmett's clothing from a nearby cache, Seth pushed his way through the barrier I had erected as if it were not even present. He glowed with an odd white-power and sifted through the smoldering body parts, flinching as it burned his hands. Entrails were festooned in the tree limbs above him and irregularly splatted to the ground with the pressure from the rain. The poor man had to stop to be sick twice.

Seth said to his sister, "We'll have to wait for them to cool."

"First responders are on their way, Seth. We don't have the time," Leah answered.

"Spirits send me aid," Seth prayed. "I cannot do this alone."

Once I was able, I had no intention of saying, "Seth, you know that woman that just seared her soul to a demon and killed that persnickety alpha European werewolf that was barreling towards you? That was your _real_ Mother. Ain't that grand? I mean, show me another Mother that would do _that_ for her child." Too wordy. Besides, Sue had taken an arrow in the head and Harry had become Victoria's chop suey. . . never mind. Seth had a surfeit of relations willing to give their all to protect him, _had_ being the operative term, alas. Jacob Black-in-name-only not necessarily being one of them. Alas, again. And I was not adding Bella to that list, thank you very much.

Half a football field away, Skeevy stood in front of a group of captured vampires examining them with his Grandmother's arctic eyes. She occupied second place on my list of entities I planned on haranguing as soon as inhumanly possible - ranking only behind my beloved runaway-to-stalk-powerful-demons lunatic bride. He stopped mid-question, and pointed out four captives. As his men executed the other prisoners, Skeevy ran through the crowd that parted like the Red Sea to stand by Seth. For someone from such a bloodthirsty - pardon me - venom thirsty family, Skeevy never ceased to impress me with his genuineness.

"Young Seth, do you require assistance?"

Skeevy held out his hand and stared at the smoldering pile of demonic fire that Paula had sparked – all the heat left.

"I do not detect any traces of the demons. Is that better?"

"Thank you, Cale."

Seth found a leg bone of Paula's. Praying quickly in Quileute, he transformed what was left of Paula and the other fallen Quileute wolves into human remains. The surrounding tribal members gawped as patches of the field lit up for one last heartbeat like giant fireflies and then winked out of existence.

"Paula, our late shaman, died to protect us all. I will not stand for anyone saying a word about her. You hear?" Seth stared at the other pack members, wolf and human alike.

Human formed Leah and Jake stood near Seth.

Jake's voice shook, "Why can't I cross this thing? What did Edward do? I wanted to save her!" He wiped away tears and slammed at the barrier.

Seth took the barrier down and tore off his shirt. "He followed her last wish and put it up to keep you from burning to death." Young Clearwater gathered the bits of Paula that he could find and placed them on the cloth. Seth cradled the charred shards like a swaddled infant.

Leah said, "We have to make Paula die in a way that Charlie knows that she is gone for good."

Seth hunched over Paula's bones keeping them out of the rain. "I know. If we did a fire, it would have to be a hot one. This is all that is left." He paused. "Jake?" Seth gestured for him to approach. "Here is your aunt. I am very sorry for your loss. Her bones have been blessed." Seth handed it to Jake.

Wiping rain from his forehead, Teitu ventured in his atrocious English, "Blow up petrol merchant with Paula's chariot away from Forks so other police find. Problem gone." Teitu smiled and swiped his palms together. "I help, yes?"

That man really needed to work on his English, chariots having upgraded _somewhat_ since his time. I hope he meant "mercantile" instead of "merchant" as enough innocent campers had been chomped upon tonight for having the bad luck to gamble like lost lambs in the back country in front of a vampire army. I mean really, what were the odds? In all fairness to Teitu, and in spite of his pigeon English, he had an inspired idea for someone that had recently come back from a ten-centuries-long Rip Van Headless Sparkle nap.

Seth and Leah left with Teitu, Skeevy and a squad of men. Embry and Jake, –who held the bundle of cloth like a football he guarded - joined. They walked off out of the shelter of the forest's canopy. The rain smashed into the earth so hard it sounded like gravel striking a tin roof.

As firemen approached the battlefield, the immortals worked to clear it of any "We just had a battle of the ages here," evidence. Grace did her best to slow them with a few timely fallen trees, and erased my paw prints. Eventually, the men reached the area to find what appeared to be some kind of disaster caused by lightning striking propane tanks that had killed a large number of campers that appeared to have been partying in the rain. The Telecles clan had scattered around the charred bodies of the human campers that the Southern Coven Army had snacked upon.

Grace jumped ahead in time. Knocking at our domicile, a police officer from Gray's Harbor County stood by one of Charlie's co-workers and informed an anguished Charlie of Paula's death in a fiery car crash at a gas station. Her vehicle had exploded near a van full of tribal members that had been returning from a camping trip. Which was so much easier than telling the world they all had died battling vampires.

Charlie shook his head. "It's a mistake. Like last time. She'll come home. My Paula is tough. A fighter. You'll see."

Grace skipped to showing Father telling Chief Swan that I had a migraine as he offered the distraught man his condolences.

Charlie muttered, "Carlisle, I need to tell my daughter about Paula, but with her heart . . .?"

"I'll be right there Charles, but Bella is stronger now."

Bella emerged from our bedroom. Awkwardly she hugged Chief Swan in the hallway after hearing his news. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I really liked Paula. She was good for you." Bella seemed crushed.

"I know. Better than I deserved. I love you, Bells."

Her voice broke, "Right back 'atcha, Dad."

"Please don't go dying on me, ok kid?"

Bella gulped, squeezed her eyes shut, and said not a word in response as her Father embraced her tightly. She had told me once that she always kept her promises. That was one vow she could not make. Instead she chose silence.

The scene shifted to Marcus and King Larce trying in vain to heal me and my festering wounds with their gifts. Once again, I lay in my Mother's arms; this time they belonged to my immortal Mother. She held me in place on the floor while I screamed.

"Carlisle, can you give him more pain killer?" Esme asked.

"He's on an extremely high dose. He could stop breathing if I give him any more. I can't believe he even feels this."

Jasper said, "I think he is having a nightmare. That is what it feels like to me."

Father, Rosalie, and Emmett all worked debriding the seeping bites. Bella kept rubbing her back in the corresponding places on me that were wounded. At Father's nod, Jasper offered her a dose of pain killer which she accepted without a qualm and swallowed dry.

Grace offered me a glimpse of a newspaper by my bedside. Judging by the headline, the "real" serial killer that had been slaughtering all those women across the world had conveniently appeared. Dead and all. Loaded to the gills with planted evidence that I strongly suspected that Jasper and Father and Rosalie had helped create. Forensic psychologists the world over most likely required therapy to recover from the disappointment of not being able to interview a mass murderer that had viciously taken so many lives and ingeniously staying ahead of the authorities for all that time.

Now I saw Marcus sitting in a chair talking to Father and Mother. The whole family crowded into the room, "With the recent surge in immortals in the area we are going to have to make changes. King Larce has outlawed feeding from live humans and insisted that all vampires make use of the blood bank system that we have if they choose not to live from the algae. I have taken the liberty of purchasing livestock – both deer and elk – for us to keep and harvest their blood, much like a dairy farm. No more hunting except for Edward, as his appetite is still unpredictable." He narrowed his eyes at Emmett. "Bears of the type you prefer are endangered, so you have no business drinking from them anyway. With your education, you should be able to care for the animals."

"Yes, sir." Emmett answered, because, really, what else could he say after being informed that he was going to have to live off of sludge or drained cups of animal blood. "No?" I think not.

Through it all, Grace kept showing me snapshots of Bella sitting on our bed just out of reach, eyes sunken. Watching. Arria and the Gorgon remained the entire time, royal handmaids of gloom in the literal sense. Jasper and Emmett took turns bringing my dear little in-so-much-trouble one trays of food that she appeared to consume mechanically. I saw brief images of Bella sleeping in Leah,s arms, then Arria's arms, then Mother's, then Rosalie and Mary Alice's. Bella had never been the "touchy" type, so that confused me most especially seeing her asleep in the Gorgon's arms. I half expected her to vanish for a thousand years due to that harpy's mothering.

Speaking of harpies, the scene shifted again. Leah cleared her throat, glared at Arria and Gorgon, and asked them at supernatural pitch for privacy. Both did the immortal equivalent of blinking at her like a peasant had asked the King to leave the room so he could converse with the Queen.

Arria shrugged and said, "We shall not leave until Edward awakens. We promise to hold in confidence whatever it is you say. If my daughter chooses to leave the room with you; that is, of course, her business."

Bella handed Leah a notepad and wrote in a code I had mastered last month, _"I'm not leaving Edward, sorry. What?" _

"_I was wrong."_ Leah's hands stilled for a minute before she continued. _"What I said at Mom's funeral. I did not mean it."_

"_I know."_ Bella wrote, _"Why now? Water under the bridge." _Bella underscored the last sentence three times.

"_Because you took it to heart, Swan, otherwise you would not have gone after Maria on your own."_

"_Leah. I forgave you. Forgive yourself." _

"_Dodge it all you like, but you know I'm right. Knock that shit off."_ Leah kissed her sister's cheek. She stood, looked over at me and said, "Up sluggard and get on with life, there is time enough for sleeping in the grave," and sauntered from the room. She totally robbed that line from Benjamin Franklin. Brat.

From what Grace observed, I then alternated between delirium babbling in a mish-mash of over forty languages and sleep punctuated by random bouts of screaming that set everyone's teeth on edge.

"See? If they have not shown you to the door already, then they are definitely keeping you." Jugurtha said.

Miles away from the house, Grace showed me that Aaron paced like a caged tiger in Hezekiah's cave. I scoffed as I saw him shaking an impotent fist and demanded to the empty space that he be emancipated. Miss Grace ignored him. I had been so insistent that Aaron stay alive but not get within sniffing distance of "sweet girl," and the wolves were prowling the area for stray vampires. Keeping him confined made perfect sense to her. My minion did grudgingly snap the neck of two large deer and fling them into the cave for him every few days. Aaron raged, while surrounded by rotting carcasses that she had turned him into an _animal _having to settle for the blood of such beasts. She switched to badgers and skunks. I had a quick image of Jasper coming out with canteens of algae that Miss Grace begrudgingly allowed inside – although my brother had to stay away, too. After pretending to misunderstand for a day or five, when asked by Jasper, she deigned to dispose of the rotting carcasses.

Back in the bedroom in what felt like the present, I heard Bella ask Marcus, "Could you make it so that other immortals cannot see the birds that guard me, please?"

"I can. Why?"

"No one else has them."

"So? You are special, my dear."

"I cannot blend into a crowd if I need to. And I like the advantage of surprising an enemy." Now she was talking Marcus' language.

"Of course, Bella. Only your immediate family will be able to see them in order to make sure they are functioning. No one else."

"That is one scary female," Jugurtha praised. Starched Shirt Edward joined in, as did the Beast from Chicago who had quietly been skulking in a corner all this time.

"Before you consider sending me away, I think you should remember how useful I have been of late. And you will need me to successfully court your wife."

"How? I use you to strategize how to slaughter enemies." I certainly did not want to _kill_ my wife. Okay fine, I was eventually going to _have_ to, and was kind of sort of looking forward to that – not the killing part, just reaping the rewards of her upgraded

less-likely-to-get-squished-during-sexual relations status. Except for the fact that my wife had been rather clear that she no longer desired immortality and instead was choosing it to stay alive. So that made killing her definitely distasteful.

So I could not imagine why I needed the Beast. I would never permit _him_ take over and do the job. He had been a marauding animal in Chicago. In a baby's breath, he would drain my Bella dry.

He rumbled, "I would not. That is unfair. I like her, too. She has a fierce mind that is compatible and trim ankles." He sighed over the ankles as Jugurtha stared at her bare toes. The Beast continued, "Drinking her would be a waste and political suicide." I glared at his billows of grey fumes. While I agreed with him on the ankles business - they were not _his_ ankles to peruse. If he called her "my dear little anklet," I would lock him up for another century for the sheer beauty of the act.

"Now that you have been wounded in battle, everyone is lining up to take your place expecting you to die, not just that pissant Lucius. Listen to their minds if you do not believe me." So I did. Dammit, the bounder was absolutely correct.

Having learned of me being wounded in battle, the Swedish aristocrats were actually holding a celebratory bonfire and burning me in effigy – although they were doing it wrong. They did not bother to make an accurate likeness of me. One of them had purchased a small stuffed toy that appeared to be a Dachshund dog one had found at a human store. It wore a kerchief around its neck that said, "Wiener dog." The yellow cloth was the first to catch fire. I was going to have to show them the proper use of an appropriately-sized wiener, not to mention how to treat the canine species with respect. Seriously.

Starched Shirt Edward sniped, "A few months back you wanted to annihilate all the dogs and cats in Forks because of the threat to our dear little one's lungs."

"We agreed that it would be inconvenient, fruitless, imprudent, and therefore, a bad course of action. They are burning us and comparing us to a scrawny eight-pound dog."

He stared at the scene over my shoulder and mouthed the word, "Wiener," in shock. The penny dropped.

"Burn them all! Bring on the Spanish Inquisition!" Starched Shirt Edward's spittle sprayed my nape as he pounded my back in encouragement.

"Fine by me," Jugurtha grinned.

"I vote 'yes,'" the Beast from Chicago rumbled. "Proceed with impunity from my judgment but make sure the message is received by Lucius, and I vote for mockery purposes we address him as 'luscious.'"

_Here goes nothing. _I was currently recuperating and all. My body in the room began to glow and my family leaped to give me space.

"What is it?" Rosalie asked Father.

"We should perhaps stand back." Father frowned.

I showed Arria the bonfire. She smirked and constructed a shield around me. I also showed her that odd dream I had about Lucius. Arria promised me that if I handled the Swedes, she would see that Lucius behaved himself. Whatever.

Arria said, "It's nothing. Edward has some business with the Swedes he needs to attend to. He is forgetting things that he has already told people."

"Can you give me an example?" Father asked.

"He already showed Marcus something and he's telling it to me again like I would not know it. That is not like Edward."

"True. He is running a high fever, and humans tend to become confused a bit with them."

Marcus walked in the room at that moment, eyes glowing white from him using the Marcus-vine.

"Oh, I see word has spread," he observed the power that fountained from me. Marcus sat on the floor by my side. "Vivinna, Arria, I think it's only fair that we help Edward since he is family and ill. And when we are finished with this, we do have some catching up to do with Lucius. Larce penned Lucius' coven a note demanding he appear with his entire clan in six month's time."

"Six months?" Rosalie asked.

"To give them time enough to gather; and more importantly, to be contrite." Arria smirked at my sister. "That is short by our standards, you know. If they all come, then they show they intend to deal with us in good faith."

"True, daughter." The Gorgon beamed, "I made one coven wait three hundred twenty years before I destroyed them all."

So they sat on the floor by me and all held hands. I decided that they, too, could play.

"What on earth is going on?" Mother asked.

"The Swedes are burning Edward in effigy, and one of their aristocrats is being obnoxious regarding Bella." Marcus said.

"Why?" Bella asked. "What did I do? Why are they burning Edward?"

"Oh," Marcus waved, "It's nothing. The Swedish coven leader is insisting that he be allowed to marry you instead."

"Like hell!" Bella snarled with heat. How I loved my little spitfire. "How dare they burn Edward!"

Jugurtha said, "It would be all kinds of embarrassing if we began a tirade and lacked the power to finish it. Proceed with using the allies."

Marcus and I made their effigy turn green, grow to thirty-nine feet and three quarters of an inch - in the name of artistic integrity, of course; develop drooling fangs and attack two of the more obnoxious members. The entire group screamed like teenage females discovering they suffered their first bout of _acne vulgaris _by looking in the mirror.

Marcus said into my mind, _"Excellent Edward."_

I remembered of a sudden the posters of Smokey the Bear warning that, "Only you can prevent forest fires." Had Smokey the Bear been there at the moment, I likely would have taken a break and made him into Smokey the snack, as I felt hungry. But I agreed with his sentiment. I had scruples.

Out of concern for the welfare of the other _trees_, and the plants and animals of the Forest, I made it appear to the snooty aristocrats that I currently terrorized - that the surrounding silvered trunks came to life and extinguished their fire. Besides, they did not have a permit from the Park authorities to burn anything much less _be_ in the back country. So it was the moral thing to do. The branches in the Forest's canopy cooperated with Arria's assistance to block out more light. And all the animals in the area politely kept silent waiting to see those obnoxious blood suckers get theirs.

The Swede's leader Dorkell said, "Stop acting like infants. That Cullen bratling is trying to scare you with smoke and mirrors. He does not have the gall to kill our members. We are too valuable to Marcus. We will go to Marcus' headquarters and simply demand our members back and the Cullen kid's head on a stick. Since I have the best bloodline in Europe, I'm claiming his human bride, although I'll have to hold my nose to plow her."

Dim-witted dork.

That was it. I would have the appropriate manly fit over being called a bratling later. No one plowed my bride. Except for me. And they insulted her scent! The gloves were off. Arria, the Gorgon and Marcus agreed.

Marcus used the Marcus vine and said to the leader, "You have earned what I am going to let him do to you." The vampires in the coven collectively wailed.

Grace's friends must have been watching and caught on and, without my asking, they helpfully emitted a few intimidating bellows of doom followed by whispers of "Green Demon."

For the record, I never taught them that phrase or asked them to say it for the record, so I would know nothing about that occurrence. Really. Out of practicality, I left everyone else alive so they could spread the unfortunate news. The pompous ass of a coven leader I fed piece-by-piece into a yawning fire pit I opened that surrounded the yowling coven members like a moat of death. Perhaps it startled his coven mates to see well, nothing ripping him apart. After making sure that the flames reached high enough to capture their attention, I returned the forest to its pristine state while the words "Green Demon," burned in the air in front of them, and tattooed on their forearms. And kindly, because I am a responsible citizen, I cleared away all evidence of that bonfire business. The dog I returned to its original form and had it land in the middle of the crowd. They scattered and went running for their cohorts from Russia who they heard liked to put vodka in their algae. Figures.

I then turned to the Beast from Chicago and said, "You have proven your point. Do not irritate the others and you can stay. Cease leering at my spouse."

"Noted," he sniffed.

All my sins once again came to roost like vultures waiting for my character – the good in it – to give its last breath. A sigh escaped me. "Surviving courting my wife is going to make a mass murderer out of me."

"Why do you say that?" Jugurtha asked. Starched Shirt Edward had paled and now clutched a rosary. Jugurtha patted him on the back, "There, there, I have this. Go pray for our tainted soul." And with that, off he scampered to the prayer bench to beseech the Madonna to purify our shoddy being. He used his peripheral vision to keep an eye on that smoke entity. I did not disagree with his prayers.

"The list of people I have permanently dispatched to an inglorious reward is lengthening by the day."

"You are neither a serial killer nor a mass murderer."

I scoffed. "If only that were true. I killed humans. Remember? And I just killed another immortal."

The Beast from Chicago nodded with a happy sigh. "Yes. Those were the days." He appeared to wipe away a tear.

Jugurtha thunked me across the forehead with his middle finger, "You need to revisit that time and reframe it. Serial killers kill in periods of time and have cooling off periods. You only stopped due to daylight. You did not kill for the thrill of it, impulsively, or to control the men you fought. Mass murders kill at a single instance in time against innocent victims. Serial killers do not empathize, they show no remorse, and refuse to accept responsibility. On that basis alone, you fail to fall into that category. I recall that you entered into battle with superior force all on your own against a larger army of criminals bent on murder, extortion, rape, and robbery. That is not called murder. It is _war_. You did it to protect the innocent at a great sacrifice to yourself because human blood is addictive and appears to have affected your psyche for the worse."

"When did you become an expert?"

"I read it at the FBI's web site. You should try it some time and expand your knowledge."

"Well, I-"

"I have listened to you beat your breast for decades, and _he _has not helped." Jugurtha gestured towards Starched Shirt Edward - who gawped at him from his prayer bench. "The time is long past for you to remove the proverbial sackcloth and ashes. And _you_," he pointed at Starched Shirt Edward, "need to come to peace with it and stop undermining him. Read more of your Bible about Joshua and the walls of Jericho and that Aquinas fellow. And about Saint Michael the Archangel." Jugurtha heaved a sigh and shook his head at me, "Our human Father was right, you know, trench warfare would have killed you, if simple street fighting of thugs has you this conflicted."

"I fed from them. I gained satisfaction."

"Many soldiers who kill in battle – justified battle – report feeling exultation from it. That is natural. Part of being human when the adrenaline is flowing. . .It is not polite to admit or acknowledge that killing is fun."

The Beast from Chicago said, "Preach it, my brother."

"Thank you. I believe I shall." Jugurtha bowed at him, before turning back to me, "And - -if you read the work of Maslow, he created a hierarchy of needs, killing was a fundamental need for all humans. He considered that normative. So why can it not be applied to you? Why are you so special?"

All of them faded from sight. I believe I fainted. If I was going to have a good time, it seemed to me all kinds of wrong that I could not be doing that with Bella. Pain reached out with a blitzkrieg attack and I lost sense of time for a while. I wound up sitting by Hezekiah again in our recliners. He had outdone himself with having purple lupine blooming all around us.

"Don't fret. You show no signs of dying or anything."

"Then why am I here? I miss Bella."

"I suppose your body needs time to work through all that poison." He whistled as he stared down at me, "Looks like you got a bit chewed up in that fight, son."

"Thank you for helping with Lucius earlier."

"That jerk? Keep an eye on him. He'll be back." Hezekiah fiddled with his walking staff the eyes were glowing on it. One appeared to wink at me. I rubbed at my face. Now the eyes were no longer shining. Perhaps I imagined it?

"Hezekiah, am I going to go insane like Paula?"

"I do not see any reason why you should. I have not had any visions of it."

"Did you of Paula?"

"I knew she'd die soon. Yes."

Gee, thanks for sharing. "If you knew that, then why did you not stop me from selecting her to be shaman?"

"Edward, that was Paula's fated path. She sacrificed herself to save the tribe. You aren't crazy, son."

"Yes, but if I were insane, then how would I know that you are real and not a hallucination?"

"You blow up things when you play with your tallywhacker. Teddy Roosevelt is volunteering to take out his big stick again to help you see reason again." He blushed. I sincerely hope he meant the _other_ big stick. Because I had no idea to see the late President's . . . ahem. Well. Never mind.

"Fine. You are real." I sighed and crossed my legs - in a manly way - with my right ankle resting on my left knee.

"We're all mighty proud of you, Edward. Jenny says since you have so much practice facing scary things, that you should use your vacation with Bella to perhaps do something daring like converse."

With that I was stuffed into my body. I woke up in bed. Dark shadows under her eyes, Bella slept poorly.

"Is she ill?" I croaked at vampire pitch.

"Exhausted." Father said, "We have had a hard time persuading her to leave your side. She has been understandably worried."

I asked the Quileute spirits if they would mind ever so much seeing that she rested soundly. They answered that they made no promises seeing as she was stubborn and sneaky and all. But they would try, and why not do her a favor by erecting a handy dandy sound barrier one that would also keep me from striking her if I started flailing about like a beached fish? What a marvelous idea. I waved a hand and muttered some hopeful words and one appeared.

Father asked, "What is that?"

"Sound barrier so she will not be disturbed. If I created it right it should be a shield so if I seize again, I cannot hurt her."

"You have not had a seizure in seventy-two hours, Edward. If I suspected you could, you would not be in bed beside her. All your tests show that you are recovering."

Emmett risked my wrath by throwing one of my socks at my dear little snoring one. It struck the shield and slid down the bed.

"Cool. It works!" He shouted. I winced from the noise as my head throbbed. She slept undisturbed. "Awesome, Edward!"

"Son, how do you feel?"

"Awful."

"You gave us quite the fright. Edward, you are never to scare me or your Mother like that again."

"Yes, Father." I was not going to apologize because I was not sorry for what I had done. Only what I had failed to do.

"The wounds?"

Rosalie chimed in, "You have been healing from your wounds at a human rate. It has been ever so distressing to watch."

Father made me swallow enough pain-killer-laced algae that promptly took effect numbing the wounds that itched as the flesh took its own sweet time in knitting.

Rosalie hugged her husband, who teased me from across the room. "I'm charging you for the therapy I need from hauling your stinky bare ass home and crying over you for two weeks."

"Don't swear." Rosalie's fist thumped against her mate. "Stop exaggerating."

"Ow! Sorry honey. But it's true. He totally reeked. And I did cry."

"Edward, you were _clothed_ when we brought you home," Rosalie said carefully.

Horrifying me, she showed me the mental image – and Rosalie did not lie. Arria had apparently found me with Grace's assistance. After my minion had transformed me back to human form, Grace had kindly dressed me in clothing from one of my many stashes. Although no one _else_ appeared to have witnessed it – my own Mother-in-law had now seen me naked. Which was enough to give me nightmares. For Eternity and beyond.

Reading the panic I did not bother to disguise, Jasper whispered at vampire pitch, "Edward what you did was phenomenal on the field. Way to go making a name for yourself and the family! Marcus' troops are chasing down what is left of the enemy. The rebellion has been crushed." He chuckled.

"Excellent," I mumbled. Someone kindly affixed two ton weights to each eyelid. Lazily, I drifted away thinking about the arms of my beloved and savoring her calming presence. Someone had thought to dress me while I slept in more appropriate attire.

Hours later, a cold finger in the middle of my forehead relentlessly prodded me awake. When I opened my eyes, Mary Alice sent her thoughts to me, _"Can you use your gift to afford us privacy like you did in Italy?"_

Wheezing and weary, Bella snored in peace on the bed. I erected a sound barrier.

My head hurt with the strain of the shield so I knew I had to speak aloud, "That hearing talent of Bella's occurred when Genevieve used her."

Mary Alice responded, _"We don't know what Bella is capable of, especially after Great Grandmother spent time with her."_

Right. That. I frowned. And grumbled at vampire pitch, "Has she mentioned anything about that?"

I dearly wanted to know what transpired when my dear little Priestess' pet met with my favorite odoriferous relative. And how Bella had emerged from seeing the woman without so much as a whiff of guano. That seemed all kinds of unfair. Someone played favorites. Which struck me as wrong – but not _nearly_ as disturbing as the idea of the Priestess encouraging my bride to go on dangerous forays, searching out demon-possessed sadistic ex-slatterns of my brother. Especially when Marcus' Mother had been surrounded by the dead bodies of her grandchildren who had fallen at the hands of a weaker demon. Upon reflection, Marcus' Mother was either straight up crazy, or had more intestinal fortitude than anyone I knew. Including Marcus. Mary Alice pulled at my sleeve to regain my attention.

"_Edward, she has not said much, and Marcus' Mother has been out of touch. Bella is gutted over Paula's death."_

"That cannot be laid at her door; Hezekiah said Paula would have died regardless."

To Jugurtha, I said, "Make a memo to ask Jasper if he possibly has any other crack-brained women in his past that he toyed with that we should dispatch."

Starched Shirt Edward sniped from his position at his prayer bench, "_You_ should talk."

"Wicked I may have been, but I never trifled with women."

"_Then_." He curled his lip. "You most definitely trifled with Bella. We should pay attention to our beloved vampire sister. We have not spoken privately with her in ages."

Well, that was true. I had kind of sort of been avoiding conversing alone with Mary Alice, and she, like the exceptional sibling that she was, had afforded me space and time from the lecture I indubitably deserved at her hands. She had warned me not to leave Bella. Foolishly, I had stuck my nose into the air, sneered, and had done it regardless.

And I ignored that jibe from Starched Shirt Edward. I never _trifled_ with Bella. I took everything about her quite seriously at all times. And if he meant the _other_ meaning of trifle, well, I was counting the days until we got married in the State of Washington when I _could_ trifle with her. . . never mind. I could not fantasize about my beloved with my sister in the room. I had standards. Some. I would wait until she left, of course. Which meant I should speak to hurry her on her way.

"What?" I decided to be blunt.

She kept her side of the conversation silent,_ "I'm worried about you."_

I shrugged. "Hezekiah says I will get better. I am sorry that I have not been a better brother to you lately."

"_Why would you say that?"_

"You have had so many things happen lately and I have been so caught up in my own troubles."

"_Edward, you left your mate to die for me."_

"Well, yes, but."

"_I don't call that being a bad brother. Terminally stupid, perhaps,"_ she brushed at my hair, _"I think you have come to see the error of your ways."_

"Yes, I have. If you say it, dear Sister, it must, therefore, be true. Do you still see that vision of Bella and me in the trees?"

"_That has not changed."_ Mary Alice sent those marvelous images to me again. Every detail had stayed the same. I should know. I had replayed that vision countless times. It never ceased to astound me. We both appeared to be so happy and in love.

"What was that about Bella guarding her aunts and uncles?"

"_Marcus took that burden from her. No worries. He said his Mother only intended it as a temporary measure to protect them while she fought Maria."_

Mary Alice showed me what I already had seen of Bella's conversation with Marcus.

"_I think she understands how reckless it was in hindsight. You need to tell Grace to let Aaron out of the cave."_

I smacked my forehead and belatedly regretted the gesture. I had forgotten about Jasper's brother-in-law. Suddenly, Mary Alice seemed so distraught. _"That poor man. He spent all those years planning vengeance. Once he had it,"_ she paused, _"Marcus plans on holding him for questioning. Indefinitely."_

"If the Southern Coven Army is destroyed, what value is he?"

"_Incalculable. We found out from Aaron that the immortals that attacked that night at Old Man Yorkie's farm worked for Maria and were outcasts from various covens. Maria had ordered them to destroy the human gang of killers after they did her dirty work - and she had wanted Bella and me alive. Genevieve really had been warning us all along, you know." _

"Please tell Jasper that if he goes to the cave, that Grace will let him escort Aaron out. And no offense, but until I am better, Aaron is not to get within striking distance of Bella. He can stay in the guest cottages or with Arria. I do not want him near any human."

"_Got it." She texted her husband, who took a group of legionnaires with him to fetch Aaron._

Then she really captured my attention.

"_I have had a vision about you and Bella. A small one. But I think it is important."_

I raised my eyebrows in inquiry. She usually shared her episodes without pause.

"_Chicago,"_ she thought the word.

"What?"

"_You need to take Bella and go when you feel better. Next month, I think. I saw you standing in a mausoleum with her at your side. Does that mean anything?"_

Right. That. I sighed. Mary Alice and I both held our breaths when my bride became restless. Bella grumbled in her sleep about snakes and leopards and spots and enthusiastically pummeled her pillow a few times before settling back into Morpheus' embrace. How peculiar. Ordinarily, my dear little one might shift a bit, but unless she had a nightmare she never tried to _beat_ anything. And I did not need my sister suggesting I check to see if Genevieve had paid a visit, either.

I even added in a warm spoken aloud, "Dearest?" and received nothing but a diffident snore in return. Thank goodness. I mean about the lack of a certain pit bull Grandmother. I mean Aunt. My poor little my-family-tree-does-not-fork one.

Then Mary Alice had to go and have another vision. Right then. I stood before a convent that I had not seen since the day I had scurried from Chicago. Jasper, Benedict, and Father were at my side. I put up an extra barrier around my sister and me in case my wife decided to try and do something perverse like read my mind.

"_Care to tell me what this is about?"_ Mary Alice silently asked me.

"Mary Alice has kept your secrets all this time, even from her mate. She never told a soul that you were the one to break up with Bella. You can place your faith in her." Jugurtha assured me. Starched Shirt Edward nodded.

The Beast said, "Fine with me. She's solid."

I shook. Keeping the secret had become second nature. But sooner or later they would want to know more about that vampire blade even if it had been destroyed in the fight with Maria.

"Edward?" With my silence, I had her undivided attention. From her thoughts, I appeared like I wanted to bolt from the room.

"_I met a young nun years back in Chicago who ministered to the poor. She was murdered. That was her order's convent."_

"_How awful. How did she die?"_

"_The vampire blade I kept all those years was sticking out of her abdomen."_

I held my breath. Waiting for the ax to fall. Mary Alice took my hand. She leaned forward and entreated to my mind, _"I have always kept my word. If I am seeing a vision of this, especially since I rarely have them around you, this must be important, Edward. Please. Let me help you."_

Jerkily, I made the slightest inclination of my head.

"_Edward, who killed her?"_

"_I did not recognize the man when I found him attacking her and two children. I recovered my mortal memories in the day Bella . . . died. He was the older brother of my best human friend, Horatio St. James. His name was Philemon."_

"_How did Philemon get a vampire blade – especially one that came from Russia?"_

"_I wish I knew. He was mortal and he was hunting Sister Claire."_

"_So you found this Philemon murdering a nun and two children?"_ Mary Alice's voice remained neutral, _"I hope he died that night."_

"_He did. I am afraid he perished before I could ask him any questions. Awfully inconvenient."_

"_What then?"_

"_I cleaned the bodies as best I could. I placed them in a nearby Church with a note that their deaths had been avenged. I left money to pay for the funerals. Then I went to find Father."_

"_You did the right thing. Somehow I am sure you do not see it that way. Do you presently have any connection to that convent?"_

Funny how after the secret was out then I started falling apart, and stuttered,_" I . . . I. . . um, well. . . send them money anonymously to pray for Sister Claire and the children's souls and maintain their graves. And I anonymously donated so they could have a new roof twenty years ago."_ I grimaced and cleared my sandpaper-like throat, _"I had never seen children die."_

My heart sped up. I did not bother to hide my distress as my hands shook while clutching the sheets. I did not think that she needed to know that I had killed a mob of gangsters for harassing those same nuns. It might upset her. Heart in my mouth, my emotions ran the gamut from relief at telling someone who seemed to be taking the news with composure, to trepidation that any second she might snap and see me for the pathetic creature that I was.

"_Edward, you have grown so much lately. I am sorry you had to see something like that. It is in the past and it cannot hurt you."_

"Alice, we have both seen how the past can rear its ugly head."

"_True. No matter what, we are still here together as a family, Edward. How about I go to Chicago with you and Bella?"_

"I am not taking Bella to that convent,"I said, scandalized. "It is in a seedy part of town."

"_No, I'm taking her to the museum. There's a watercolor display that I know she's been excited about seeing. I've seen this in a vision, Edward that we are to go there."_ She paused._ "Edward, you know it is not normal for someone to kill a human with a vampire blade. Even less for an immortal to leave one lying about. May I share this story with Jasper? We need to find out who Sister Claire was and why Philemon would have wanted her dead."_

"Yes, you may tell Jasper." Of all the people in the family I felt certain would not judge me, Jasper ranked only behind Mary Alice due to that whole killing spree for decades issue he had experienced. I still shook.

Mary Alice stood, leaned over and kissed my forehead. "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and I am proud to call you brother." With that she sailed out of the room already planning her conversation with Jasper and the details of our trip.

Wrung dry by the conversation, I curled around Bella, who muttered, "don't leave me."

"I promise. Stalker's honor," I whispered against the top of her hair as she wrapped around me. In her arms, I had at long last found my home. The world vanished as I drifted away.

Something tickled my nose. I swatted, well I _almost _swatted at it before remembering that it could be a human tickling me; and swatting humans would not be a good thing if it was _my_ human. Too squishy and delicate and yummy tasting. Alas, when I opened my eyes, I found Jasper with a feather and a lighter. He had planned on _stinking_ me awake, I believe. He acted disappointed to see me alert. Once a torturer, always a torturer. Bella lay on the other side of the bed, fast asleep.

Disdainfully, I eyed the feather. Had he stunk me awake it would have bothered her precious lungs. What was he thinking? My brother had issues. I destroyed the feather.

"It is one in the morning," Jasper said at vampire pitch. I put a ring around us to ensure my bride stayed undisturbed and, in case he had another feather tucked away, un-stunk. Stank. Stinkless? Whatever.

"Yes?"

"Sorry, caught me." Jasper smiled - he had not meant a word. "What can you tell me about the man, Philemon St. James, who murdered the nun?" Jasper slipped that in so smoothly.

"What do you know?" My brother was almost as good as me in terms of researching at archives. When it came to computers, as so much historical data now existed on them, he left me in the dust. .

"Records show he was educated in Europe, fifteen years older than you and your friend, and richer than he should have been."

"How? Horatio's family had gobs of money."

"Actually, they did not, as Mr. Saint James gambled poorly. Philemon had unusually large deposits of money made into his accounts not long before he died while his family lived on the brink of ruin."

I said to Jasper, "Horatio worshipped his older brothers but really only knew them through letters that they exchanged. They were always in Europe."

Jasper tapped on his laptop and said, "Interesting. You neglected to mention that the rest of the family passed in a house fire."

I had not wanted to upset Jasper. To touch on old wounds. And as all of the St. James family were dead, how did _that_ matter? Christmas trees caused lethal fires all the time back in those days.

"Rest, Edward. I'll take it from here."

Father took Jasper's place. By his demeanor alone, I knew to double that keep-Bella-from-hearing barrier, and to barricade my mind from my sleeping wife like monks hiding the Holy Grail from invaders. And anyone else. Amen.

And I would know nothing about my hand under the covers reaching out to take Bella's. She may have been gadding about in Morpheus' fields, but she squeezed my palm anyway. If I could convince her to drool – combined with her glorious scent, it would have been a trifecta of comfort.

"Edward, have I ever betrayed your trust?"

"No, Father."

"Alice says that we need to collect Benedict and travel to Chicago. I have avoided that city for all these years to spare you discomfort. We never really discussed your time alone there. Would you care to, now?"

Frankly, I would rather have marital relations with the Gorgon, her husband, and her four sons and their mates and every last member of the Southern Coven Army Maria included all at once. No. Really. Newborn twister indeed.

He sensed my feelings –doubtlessly due to that petrified demeanor I displayed.

"Son, I am begging you to share whatever burden you have carried all these years. You and I are a family by blood and by bond. I would do anything in my power to see to your happiness."

Words crept across my tongue on stockinged feet. Could I dare? Could I bear it when his eyes changed from green with a gold ring at the edges to the black of rage as he coiled to strike my name from the family Bible?

I remembered my human Father saying I had to deal with what I had done. So I decided to be bold, most likely due to the generous dose of pain killers that ran through me, and tell the absolute truth.

"I killed Horatio St. James' older brother, Philemon, and drank from him."

Well, that was true. I did. I gulped and waited for Father to yell.

He did not so much as twitch. "Were you visiting Horatio when you slipped?" Father sounded curious - like I had mentioned a peculiar weather pattern.

"No. At the time, I did not remember who Horatio was. I found Philemon murdering a nun and two young children. She died. I was too late to save anyone. It was," I cleared my throat and did not have to pretend being distressed, "one of the most abominable things I have ever seen. He could have used the knife and made it quick for those children. Instead he beat them to death and stabbed Sister Claire with the vampire blade. I did not slip, Father. I meant to do it." Vivid images from that unholy night came unbidden and like the wretch I was I shared them in all their abhorrent glory, hoping Father would understand because I lacked the proper words and acumen to describe it.

"Son, I am sorry. That must have horrified you. I presume you felt pleasure at drinking from him?"

"Yes. Yet I drank while she bled to death. I lost all focus. I snapped out of it in time to comfort her a bit." I showed him a memory of me talking to her. "But in the end, I was no better than he for taking delight in it."

"Is she why you returned to your Mother and me?"

Whispering, I answered, "Yes. I was so frightened at what I had done. When I finished with him, I . . . almost _drank_ from her and the children," my words spewed out at vampire-speed. "I could not . . ." My voice cracked and I rubbed away unwanted tears. Father put his hand on my shoulder. I stammered, "It was wrong to take a life like that drinking from him and feeling so good about it and wanting to do it again. Had I only paid attention, I might have saved three souls. She recognized me for what I was. She told me that I was good and that I had to make something of myself. I have tried so hard all these years to be worthy of her words and . . . be the man you hoped I would . . .be."

Father pieced through the rubble of my memories meticulously. "Edward, look at those wounds. Even with the tools we have now, I doubt any of them would have survived. You are being too hard on yourself. At that time, you knew nothing of medicine. And you were only a few years from your newborn stage. Seeing them die also probably reminded you of your own last mortal days. Children and women died around you for hours. The situation with Philemon pushed every button you had, Edward."

"Perhaps. I cannot help the way I have felt all this time."

"True. You can combat it with logic. I should have asked you about this sooner. It pains me to think of you suffering all these years over this, son. Has it ever occurred to you, how much control it took for you to stop? You could have gone on and killed half the city. Instead you came home."

"I never. . .-"

"You know you can always talk to anyone in this family, especially me, and that I will keep your confidence. When did you realize the identity of the murderer?"

"When I regained all my human memories. I think I lost myself for a while. I did not recall the significance of Sister Claire's killer until today. While I was ill, I dreamt of her telling me I had to get to work and my human Father telling me I had to face the past. And Alice had a vision telling me I would be in Chicago. I do not want to lie. But I do not want others to know. This is my burden."

Ok, I totally wanted to lie. I could hear my human Father's voice in my head telling me I had to own my behavior. That did not mean I had to share it with everyone. Right?

"Edward, every last member of the family has had difficulty with blood thirst, even me."

"How?"

"I lived with the Volturi for quite some time, and humans died every day around me. I left because I could not handle it when I despised their behavior but savored the scent."

"I thought you were immune to it."

"I am not. No one in the family judges. That is why Jasper has felt so welcome since he joined us. I will, of course, respect your wishes."

I had nothing to offer in response.

"Edward, I never sensed other immortals near that family. So we will have to go hunting to find out how Philemon came to be in possession of a vampire blade, and how he came by such large amounts of money. This could be important, especially if you and your sister are both having visions. You do know that one of Hezekiah's gifts was that he could see the future."

"Yes."

"So who is to say that your dreams are not a version of this? Edward, vampire blades were so precious in that time that no one would have ever risked leaving one. The Volturi would have turned the city inside out certain the place was stuffed full of a lost coven or two."

Exhausted, my mind began to wander. I changed the subject, "Am I going to have to worry about turning into one of those wolf creatures and hurting people?"

"Our working hypothesis is that it was a byproduct of that much power combined with the stress of battle. King Larce thinks the Quileute spirits did that to you to save the tribe and were trying to do that to Paula when she went mad."

"Am I going to go insane since I have been bitten by those European werewolves more than once?"

"We have managed to heal those bites this time."

"That does not mean I will not lose my mind later. Paula did."

"You do not have the wolf gene. Those people that had it in the wolf gene's purest form are the ones that went insane the quickest. Paula's was mutated, remember? That is probably why it took as long for her to snap. We do have some bitten Quileute members that when you are up to it, we need you to make mortal. I have been keeping them sedated, restrained, and under guard."

Hours later I woke up. John Quil was in the room. "Take me to the wounded wolves," I croaked.

Bella said, "What are you going to do?"

"I have to unmake them. And I will need your help because I am too weak on my own."

"Lead on."

They carried me to a basement room in the house that had been soundproofed. The poor wolves were screaming even though they had been sedated, and it unnerved Bella although she tried to mask it. Quite possibly the fact that thirty-five souls were afflicted, faces that she knew, added to her stress. Every last one had been a young recruit.

"Sam and I both ordered them not to phase," John said.

With Father holding me, and Bella placing her hand over mine, I clutched Hezekiah's staff. As quickly as I could, I pointed out to the Quileute spirits that these poor souls would only cause the tribe harm if they remained wolves. The spirits wholeheartedly agreed, and that was that. I passed out.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was staring at a green forest canopy from the deck of my other house. Bella was curled up at my side. We lay on a daybed. Someone - definitely not me - had constructed barriers of power around the place that inspired awe at their complexity.

"How? What?"

Bella clicked her tongue in mock sympathy, and brushed hair out of my eyes.

"Guess you now know what it feels like to wake up somewhere completely different than you went to sleep. Twice over. I thought you might enjoy the fresh air. We'll move the bed back inside later. Grandmother Gaia ensured we would not be disturbed."

"I do enjoy the fresh air. And the view is spectacular. How long have we been here? And where is that blasted woman?"

Decimus smirked at me in his mind and called out a silent greeting. _"You are safe and guarded and none of the aristocracy have any idea this place exists. Rest, Edward."_

"Seven hours. Decimus carried you. We took some short cuts so no one would follow. Grandmother is not here."

"Well," I declared to her and, using my gift, to Marcus at once, "The clock starts now. Because I demand that I had to be awake to appreciate it. I earned every second of that time."

"That you did, big guy. Now, have a drink."

She handed me a flagon of algae. Grace crooned in greeting and ruffled my hair. Life was good. My woman in one arm, a drink in another. A vile one. The drink, I mean. Phenomenal did not even come close to describing the woman in question. My minion looked well and content. I looked for the cherubs with their harps and golden platters of grapes. Leaning on my left side, I handed the empty cup back to Bella. "Thank you."

She pushed me back down on the mattress. "Back to bed."

_Yes ma'am. _Especially since she snuggled up against me. Ensorcelled by her smile, I would convivially stay in bed with her for as long as she desired. It was a tough row to hoe, but I was determined that I would be the one to do it. The hoe-ing. I - never mind.

I found myself in the bedroom downstairs when next my eyes opened. Bella sat by me, another serving of mock sympathy heaped on her lovely face.

"Four hours," she answered before I could ask.

I put up a barrier around the room.

"What's that?"

"It means no one can hear or see us."

"Did it always glow like that?"

"Yes. Now you can see it." Mortals were not supposed to be able to, but I would worry about that later. I had bigger fish to fry. "So the plan with the Priestess."

"Her name is Gaia."

"That. Spill. I am not buying that, 'I was tired of waiting,' malarkey."

"I was."

"I can only imagine. But you have never been that impetuous before. Why? And why not tell anyone? Bella, that night I had a confrontation with Maria in my dreams. She threatened me. I then woke up and everyone was yelling that you were gone. I thought she had kidnapped you and was going to kill you before my eyes-"

Bella swallowed and said gruffly, "When Phoenix attacked, you had problems."

"I did. I was new to my gifts. And I hurt you. Were you afraid that I would do that again?"

"Yes. I mean, no," she stammered and covered her eyes with a hand.

I waited her out.

"Edward, you've been sick, and you have seemed so tired from training when you were awake. When Maria came after me at school, with that bloody swan, I just wanted to smash her. I was afraid she would kill you like she had Harry and Sue. And I was not going to announce _that _to anyone, because that would have embarrassed you."

"You were worried for me?"

"I'd rather look like an impatient kid to the rest of the world than shame you. When Grandmother Gaia brought me to see her, I asked for her help because you said she was so powerful. I had no idea of Maria's strength; otherwise I _never_ would have done it."

"In the future, could you consult with me before selling your soul to Gaia?"

"Edward, I did not sell her my soul. And yes." Bella laughed, nervously.

"You made promises to her. What did she want, something piddly like our first-born child?"

"Funny. Hah. No. She asked me to be her student."

"Has Marcus talked with her?"

"If he has, he hasn't told me. She has not tried to contact me beyond letting me know she shielded our house."

"What did she say to you?"

"Oh nothing, I can tell by the color. Can't you?" Well, she had a point. Gaia did have a signature style about her designs. And the weave she had created was masterfully intricate, far more than anything I ever could have created.

"There is so much we do not know about their history, Bella. We wandered into some Greek tragedy halfway through the play, and I fear if we are not more circumspect, we could be hurt." I pulled her close. "I cannot lose you again. I do not think I would survive it."

"I'm not going anywhere, buster. You're stuck with me."

"Promise me you will never do anything like this again without talking about it?"

"By this you mean chasing after a demon?"

"I do."

"I promise," she whispered into my neck. We fell asleep with me wrapped around her like a bear hugging a tree.

When awake, my dear little autocrat had insisted on spending hours simply sitting by me and drawing the lake from the balcony of my mountain retreat. Scratch that. _Our_ mountain retreat. Without saying a word. When you combined that with non-stop quality-pressed-against-the-flesh-time-without-nosy-chaperons? It was bliss that the gods would envy. I suspect it may have been a by-product of that whole, "he might never wake up," business, but my bride was positively affectionate. At night, even while asleep, she did not want to let me go. How she spoiled me. This new closeness however, was not without its complications.

I woke up in the middle of the third night with her splayed across me like a starfish. And her scent. I was hungry. Voraciously so. And needed to leave posthaste. Bella began sleepily protesting with lead arms when I attempted to extricate myself. I did what any reasonable vampire in my position would do. I stripped, threw my shirt at her, and then ran for her life to the kitchen to swill down algae. Decimus knocked on the door.

"Are you well, Edward?"

"Sometimes her scent can overwhelm. I am better now. Have a drink." I handed him a serving of algae.

He raised his glass to me and we toasted. "The house. I like it. We have always lived underground."

"Thank you. I purchased it because it felt like living in a tree house."

His men had been discreetly stationed around the house the entire time, but since I had been shielding us, could not see or hear a thing. I had agreed with Decimus that once every hour I would check in with his beetle-browed worriedness. And that I would not shield us when I slept since I was still recovering.

"Edward, you have shown yourself to be worthy. I cannot imagine the stamina it takes not to drink her dry. I remember what blood lust felt like although I have not suffered it in centuries because of the algae."

I did not feel like sharing with him, or anyone else for that matter, that due to a deal with the Quileute spirits, I was immune only regarding Bella to that whole blood lust calming effect the algae had.

"How are things with the Lost Covens?"

"Everyone is scared to death of you after the battle." He chortled. "You are literally the talk of the immortal world at present. The Swedes have formally apologized and offered you tribute for their insult."

"I do not care what people think about me. I care what they think about Bella. Their late leader insulted her."

"The lesson, I believe, was learned."

"What about that Lucius fellow? No one has said a word." I could not sense his putrid mind, and believe me, I had checked my full range. Grace, too.

"Sometimes these affairs take time. He is from a powerful clan - almost as influential as the Catharnai house. You should get your rest." Realizing he was not going to answer my question, I said my farewell.

Like the tough man I was, I scurried back to my beloved's side. She could be cold, after all, and need me.

The next three days passed in a blur of chess, watercolor lessons, picnics on the deck, and cat naps. With me able to appreciate her scent, I felt at peace for the first time in ages. And as each second passed, I could not imagine spending another without Bella at my side, this divine creature that captivated my being. I caught myself staring at her lips, and found excuses to lag a step back so I could see her hips sway when we took the stairs down the deck to the forest floor. Just because I was on a diet did not mean I could not appreciate the menu.

"Shall we walk in the gardens?" I pointed towards the roses and wisteria that I had planted months back to please her.

"That would be nice, Edward."

We sat on a wooden bench as Bella studied the garden. Our guards afforded us privacy. Warning Decimus, I put up a shield in place. I wanted to savor our moments of pseudo solitude.

Memories had taunted me during my dreams these past few nights, of taking Bella to the cave and kissing her senseless.

Jugurtha said, "You have not kissed her in over a year, and she will never agree to get in the water."

"I know." He did not need to remind me. Every second away from those lips pained me. Her fear of water made that pain meaningless in comparison.

"I am afraid." I finally admitted once he sent Starched Shirt Edward away on an errand to study appropriate china patterns. The Beast from Chicago sat in Jugurtha's lair and watched old games of the Bears playing football on a flat screen, algae in hand, and ignored us.

"I had hoped to perhaps give her an embrace, but her scent is back."

"You have had time to become acclimated to it. Now what is the real reason?"

"I cannot make her feel the way that I used to. You know. Satisfied. With a single kiss. The Quileute powers took that gift away from me."

"Remember that was originally intended as a weapon to use your anger on enemies for the protection of the tribe. You had to go and find a more creative outlet for it, which offended the spirits. Technically, they made Bella alone immune to it, although I highly doubt you would try to use the pleasing side of that weapon on any other human." We both shuddered as an image of a lust-driven Jessica Stanley came to mind lips pursed like a goldfish.

"I do not know what to do. It is not like I can use my hands like Sitting Bull suggested. That would only lead to problems."

"True, although we would have a fantastic time getting there – while pleasing our mate."

We both adjusted our trousers and looked away for a few. "I think," Jugurtha continued, "that what Sitting Bull meant was that real men took pleasure in the effort it took to bring their mate such joy. That it was a way of showing with your physical actions how much you love her. Using your powers he felt was lazy." True.

Jugurtha said, "You do realize with the growth in your mate bond, your desire to express that love physically is only going to magnify, as will hers for you."

How it sucked to have my woman want to mate with me. Really. Because I most assuredly wanted to mate with her. In all sorts of decadent ways. Without the destroying-her-while- orgasming problem that I had.

My stomach felt like a cannon ball had decided to strike it a time or five at the images from a recent nightmare struck with an uninvited visit. In it, I sat on a picnic in a field of poppies so red they begged for an artist's attention. Pushing her down upon the blossoms and plying her with gentle kisses, I ripped Bella to pieces.

"Now, now, stay positive. Yes, you can be with Bella, but not like you want to. And not like before. So we will have to compensate by taking it slowly. Last time perhaps you went too fast."

"You think?"

"Give me time to come up with a plan. This requires careful consideration. We will get through it together."

"Thank you. And no licking."

Jugurtha grumbled, "Once we are married all bets are off on that score. Women like licking if it is done right. Trust me."

"What are we discussing? Are you giving Bella a lollipop?" Starched Shirt Edward had inconveniently returned.

Trailing her finger along my hand, she regained my undivided attention as every hair on the back of my neck stood at attention. Bella said, "This has been fantastic. Can we send them all away and never leave?"

"That could be arranged." Maybe. "I am going to have to borrow the birds for a moment."

"Why?"

"There is a coven from Chile that is about to become irritatingly close. I need the birds to plant a false trail."

"Fine by me."

I stared at the FitzFlock. "Go confuse the Chileans. Lots. Take your time." They shrieked in anticipation and took flight. Now, we were more alone.

"I do find that there is one thing lacking, however," I chided Bella and chucked her under the chin.

"Lacking?"

"Mmm definitely lacking."

"And what would that be?" She smiled up at me and yelped when I lifted her at wolfpire speed and pinned her against a conveniently nearby tree.

"Courage," Jugurtha cheered me. "Definitely get in a lick for me."

"I failed to show you my proper appreciation. Very bad of me."

"Oh?"

Our foreheads touched, I hovered there, like a climber afraid to look down or up, trying to work up my nerve to move. Then I fell. I grazed my lips against her cheek, the soft side of her neck. I could feel her trembling and hear her heart racing. Mine matched it.

I trailed my lips across her throat and stopped when I reached her lips. "May I?" I held my breath waiting for her assent. Or an outraged kick or three.

Gravely, she whispered, "Yes."

So I seized the day and shakily leaned forward and closed my eyes and kissed her and almost combusted on the first touch of our lips. I even remembered to permit her to breathe now and then. Being away from her scent had been bad enough – but being forbidden her taste – oh the tribulations I had endured at my own viperous tongue. Which I tried to put to better use.

"Mr. Cullen?" Bella gasped.

"Yes?"

Bella grabbed me by both ears which made those squeezed shut eyes of mine fly open.

Gravely, she said, "I'm afraid you have grown quite _rusty_, Mr. Cullen. I hereby sentence you to hours of practice."

"Drat." Hours? If this was foreplay, I was a dead man. But what a way to go.

So I kissed her again, and stepped away from the tree, fearful of the harming her with my now boundless enthusiasm. She dangled from my arms and proceeded to kiss the living daylights out of me. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist. Maybe one day I would get it right. In the meantime, I was going to enjoy being bad at kissing and learning from a master. And when she moved like that against me. . .

I heard the glass rattling in the house and felt the earth shake just enough to obtain my attention and tore my lips from her neck. "Bella I – need a moment." With all due care, I deposited her on the ground and sucked in lungfuls of crisp air. We walked towards a clearing I had been saving for a special occasion.

"Wow! Now I know where all the flowers come from," She took in the field of avalanche lilies. I gasped and clenched my fists to keep me from grabbing her and tossing her into the flowers.

"C plus," she threw over her shoulder with an impish grin staring at my lips an extra beat as she walked away headed towards the house. I knew she was not talking about the view.

_C plus?_ That was definitely not C plus material. I was going to have to show her more kissing when I could arrange my skin to stop stinging and that whole blood flowing to the wrong brain problem. So I thought of all sorts of revolting images and scents: bat guano, Jacob Black's face when Hezekiah told me I had to touch him to obtain my powers, Maria's flesh splattering the ground, black goo she spat developing tarantula-like furry legs and crawling towards me.

"Enough!" Jugurtha shouted. "Even I am disgusted."

Oblivious, Starched Shirt Edward prayed beatifically before the Blessed Mother in thanks most likely for having another erection that did not result in forest destruction, or worse, peaches being bruised. Not that I touched her. . .never mind. Yet. But a fiend could dream. I unclenched my hands.

I found my dear little desirable one inside the kitchen setting the table with silverware.

"I am here to contest a grade."

"On what basis?" She placed a basket full of bread by her plate.

"It was unfairly awarded." There. That was true. I was not a C plus kisser. And I definitely knew that she had not been kissing anyone else to find that out. I think. Granted, I had not made her orgasm. But still.

"Are you demanding a retest?" She leaned against the wall - a gamine tormentor with the enchanting smile.

I placed my hands on either side of her face, "Why, I believe I am."

She pushed me into a chair and as I gulped, straddled me. I let her take the lead - mainly because I sat there mimicking passion while inwardly gawping like Starched Shirt Edward at a burlesque review. This was, might I add, so much better than a burlesque review. I had my own personal dancer. Who traced her lips up my throat. I might have moaned. Twice.

"Ah, ah, ah," she brushed off my hands. Then she took her own sweet time in leaning forward. I most definitely felt it when she pressed her chest against my own, and ran her nose against the column of my throat. Had I been wearing spectacles they most likely would have fogged and then shattered when she nibbled on my ear. It was a good thing we had plastic cups on the table.

She stood so suddenly my body cried out in lament, especially at the lack of pleasurable pressure against my groin. "Perhaps you are right. B minus."

"What?" We did not even get to the good part!

"That does mean excellent, you know. Let's eat. I'm famished."

Two candles burned. A steaming bowl of pasta that smelled like acid – I mean lemon juice – sat and congealed in front of her with globs of tender chicken adding a rank top note with mothballs – I mean bits of Parmesan cheese. Speaking of rank, Bella had poured a large glass of algae for me.

Arria had claimed that eventually the taste stopped bothering you. I firmly believed that this was some kind of initiation joke, and that after two hundred years or so I would discover they had made a patsy of me.

After watching my dear little famished one demolish a plate of pasta, we retired to play in bed. Chess, that is. I am not ashamed to say she smacked me all around the board before we went to sleep. Having been over-stimulated enough for one day, I sank into slumber eagerly. How I had survived as a vampire without the succor of dreaming, I had no idea.

This was so wrong. I was on my _vacation_. That meant, when last I checked with Merriam Webster who defines the universe, "a respite from something," that something being my life. Or definition number four, "a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation." The only recreation that I could have safely these days consisted of quality-pressed-against-the-flesh time with my bride –who now liked chains. And he was taking me away from that.

Heartily, Hezekiah said, "Well, hello there! Edward, it's good to see you." He leaned on his walking stick, trying to play the "I'm a creaky geriatric" card, showing off his liver-spotted hands.

"Ordinarily I would say the same. What can I do for you, my good friend?"

"Tell me how you are feeling?"

"I beg pardon?"

"Edward, you had a mighty bad fight down there a few weeks ago and were bitten by lots of those ancient vampires and those Sasquatch-like blowhards from East Europe that like to call themselves the 'Children of the Moon,'" he made mocking air quotations. Our legends tell a story about Grace as being the protector along with the wolf spirit."

"So?"

"So we sent President Roosevelt out hunting to see if he could roust up some of them things up here. He found a few and told them about you.

"What did he find?"

"So we have no idea how you did _what_ you did. You have abilities that none of the three species have. Like that whole fire-breathing business."

Which for the record was awesome; although I suspected, caused indigestion. Talk about having venom with a kick.

Hezekiah continued, "What I suspect is that you stopped fighting the pain."

"Right. I did."

"See the ancient ones were savvy. They figured that if someone had unlimited power, that could lead to tyrants. So any power that they gave, came at a cost. The more power you used, the more it hurt the body, and the longer it took to recover. Our mortal bodies were not constructed to be able to withstand abusing the gifts. You changed all that because you have a stronger system. By accepting the pain and not fighting it, that meant you got to use more power.

"Lot of good it did me. I ended up in bed for weeks."

"Well, you finally accepted the burden of the gifts when you did that, son. That is why you passed your test. And when you combine that with Bella juicing you up like that. . . well, I can see what happened."

Whining would not help, "Please tell me that this does not mean more tests?"

"No, son, you're fine. We're all mighty proud of all you've done for the tribe. Um, there's something else." He cleared his throat and actually appeared reticent. "Have you thought any more about your problems?"

"Which one? I have a list. It grows by the minute."

"The one involving your little missy."

"Which one? Between her health, and recovery, and her insane family. . ."

"Edward, you need to work on your courting - the talking part."

"Why? We get along quite well. Why would I want to ruin that by talking? I would only end up in trouble."

"Women need to know they matter, son. They're just that way."

"I think I made myself perfectly clear on that issue." I mean, really, I had told her that I loved her. What else did he expect me to say, _"Yes, Bella, I totally boondoggled my family, Forks, assorted Quileute spirits, Lost Coven snotpires, and you into thinking that I loved you before. But I really mean it now, despite the fact that you come from the most powerful immortal family on the planet. The fact that most of them are certifiable barking-at-the-sun mad does not add to the attraction. That, and the women of your line enjoy thinking up fiendish ways to mortify me._ Despite those shortcomings, I love you for you. Too wordy. Nothing else says 'you matter' more than slaying a demon-infested army of irrational newborns to keep her safe. Right?

"You aren't understanding me. You need to hug her."

"I do when we sleep," I sounded like Starched Shirt Edward

"And kissing?"

That was not his business. I crossed my arms.

"It is if you morph into a creature like that when aroused."

"You have got to be kidding me!" I sort of shouted and jumped to my feet. My right cheek began to twitch. On my face.

"No, son. Sorry." He sighed.

My arms flailed, "It is not bad enough that I . . ." beat everything around me into smithereens and cause earthquakes. "Now I run the risk of . . . bestiality?"

"Son, you'll need to do more of that research. I'll do my best, as will Grace, to help you out. Jenny says you should go slow –"

_Please God, tell me that his wife was not instructing me how to masturbate properly? _

"Don't be so quick to turn down her advice. She has decades more experience giving hand jobs I would bet," Jugurtha interjected.

I ignored him, but blushed furiously.

Starched Shirt Edward asked, "What is a hand job?"

I definitely ignored him.

Jugurtha said to Starched Shirt Edward, "Page 341 of Book Two in the Denali Sisters' series. Go read it now. It is important."

"She says keep it at kissing - your little missy" – he emphasized at my look of bewilderment. "See how that goes. And you need to do that research soon. Your wedding day is fast approaching. And you might want to have a chat with Bella so she can help you."

"Help me how?"

I heard a thud from the library as Starched Shirt Edward fainted. Apparently, he had found the correct page.

Hezekiah shook a finger at me, "If she doesn't know about your problem, Edward, then she's only going to want to be closer to you. It is not right to keep her in the dark, especially when her safety is involved."

"I am surrounded by vampires. Where would you suggest I do this? In the house? If I morphed into a wolf that would really tear the roof off the place. Paula could only _dream_ of household destruction like this."

"Shucks. You're right." He rubbed his chin. "You can't do it here. Your physical body down there? That would be nasty. What about sneaking out? You can use your powers to mask your scent."

Of all the sacrifices I had to do – leaving quality-pressed-against-the-flesh time for this?

"Fine."

Hezekiah returned me to my bedroom. I awoke to find Bella sprawled across me. She had really filled out in delightful ways with her weight gain of late. I could feel the press of her against my thighs as she pulled me closer and snuggled her cheek against my – oh sweet merciless heavens!

I extricated my very aroused self at wolfpire speed. I was a man. This was natural. Jugurtha agreed. I was a supernatural being. Thrice over. I dashed for the shower. To use the cold water. And it was all sorts of wrong that I had to think of Jessica Stanley trying to kiss me while on my vacation in order to become un-aroused.

Jugurtha suggested, "Ask Grace to guard Bella and sneak past the guards. We now have sufficient motivation, and vigorous exercise I think is in order along with another meal."

Indeed. We had several rock hard reasons. I had never had that many ahem, incidents in one day. I had no idea how I was going to survive and stay chaste until our wedding without combusting. I wanted to seize my bride and have my wicked way with her, and even worse, she gave every indication that she would have no objections to such a plan.

"I am not shielded at night by agreement with Decimus." He had not been sneaking into the room but he could hear us both sleeping.

"True. So tell him that you need to hunt."

"They will only want to come and watch the vegetarian eat."

"No, they really won't. And you can insist they stay and guard her and totally outrun them."

"I am not sure about those legionnaires. They are awfully fast."

"Time is of the essence. We do not have time to argue."

Starched Shirt Edward emerged from the library rubbing his eyes, "What are we doing?"

"Conducting research."

"On what variables?" We said nothing. "On that?" He blanched. "Like last time?" He whispered in horror. And excitement. The hypocritical hyena. "Think of the animals! Remember that poor mother bird and her babies, and the raccoon you displaced."

"Who matters more: the animals or her?"

"Her," He and Jugurtha answered in unison. The Beast's "her" echoed from Jugurtha's lair.

"Excellent. I am glad we agree on the morality of this."

"Well. I never," Starched Shirt Edward began.

"You never. Twice," I barked.

"Twice?" he shrieked and crossed himself.

"Yes, remember the first time when she was sick? You totally enjoyed that."

"That did not count. We did not _mean_ it."

Jugurtha joined in on the fun, "Then why did you call him a deviant?"

Starched Shirt Edward flustered and waved his arms like those garish plastic flowers that spin in the wind when stuck in the front lawn.

"If you want our marriage to be legal and valid, then it has to be consummated. It would be unethical, immoral, not to mention revolting to practice having sex with someone else. This is the least evil path and you know it. We have to sacrifice our dignity for her. Because the alternative is unthinkable. We could hurt her - even kill her."

Starched Shirt Edward wiped at his eyes, beet-red from mortification, and said, "Our love is sacred. Pure. We have to do this in order to keep it that way. I vote 'yes,'" the scandalized Starched Shirt Edward prodded, "Go before I change my mind."

I dressed and found Decimus. It rained so hard outside that I would not have been surprised to encounter mad humans holding signs warning of the end of the world.

"This is not the weather that would help in our efforts," I groused to the predator.

"So outrun it." Jugurtha had my planner out. "We are marking off time for this in our schedule."

"Is there a problem?" Decimus asked, noting my scowl. I turned my back to him.

"No. I am going hunting."

"Are you out of blood?"

"No. I just like it fresh."

"We can bring the deer to you." I thought it kind that they were willing to overlook Marcus' hunting ban on my behalf. Given my appetite and odd powers, Marcus had decided that I alone could hunt all I wanted.

"Thank you, that is very kind. I am used to running every day. And I miss it. She's asleep. . . so . . "

"I see." He waved to ten men who came out from the forest. "Accompany him."

"That will not be necessary."

"I do not believe you get a vote in this, Edward."

"Why do I need guards?"

"Aside from the fact that you are with Bella?"

"Yes. That hardly warrants an escort."

"There are many that would like to end your existence." He ordered seventy more to shadow us.

"I thought we defeated what was left of Maria's army."

"We did. I am talking about aristocrats and their allies. Like Lucius."

I curled my lip at Decimus.

"Yes, and with my gift I would definitely see them coming. I just need to be alone." Boy did I ever. "I can take care of myself."

"They'll keep their distance. You'll never know they are there. You are still weak. And Lucius is far more powerful than you give him credit."

"Why isn't he dead yet?"

"That is a question you should give much consideration to, Edward."

Lovely. If Marcus had wanted Bella to be married to Lucius, he certainly would not have permitted us to be out here alone. And we all knew if King Larce or Marcus wanted the pest dead then he would be. I examined my guard of hardy-looking legionnaires. Even better, they were all kinds of excited about going running with the green behemoth demon. The Gorgon had spread far and wide tales of my exploits in battle. Jasper's too. And her son's. And her mate's. That woman had missed her calling in public relations.

So I said, "I am practicing my shielding. Marcus can find me at any time."

I left out the 'and I can totally block him from the Marcus-vine part.' That was private. I was, I sighed, going to have to set speed records in more ways than one. Jugurtha said so. I took flight. The legionnaires acted bored as we ran. So I put on a burst of speed. They remained at my side, not even breaking into the vampire equivalent of a sweat.

"Care to race?" I ventured.

"Only if you do not fear losing," one answered back. Preposterous Poser.

I picked up that gauntlet. And showed them wolfpire-blessed-by-Marcus'-Mother speed.

One of them, no, make that two, passed me handily.

"Let them win," Jugurtha said. "Shield now. Off into the bushes at the lakeside!" He instructed.

"He is gone." One legionnaire said in Oscan to the rest.

"No, he is here."

"I cannot sense him."

"He will keep his word."

Oh, the humiliation. Oh me. Oh my. Oh me. Oh what the heck was I going to do on my wedding night? Wait . . . the wedding night. Bella naked. Really naked. Supremely naked. In my hands. Both of them. I imagined paying tribute to her breasts. With my tongue. Competitive masturbating was not so bad, after all.

I woke up spitting out water as someone pounded my bare back. Rain hurt as it pummeled my skin. How did I end up naked? Surrounded by not-so-amused guards.

Someone gently slapped my face.

"He is alive," so pronounced the sour-faced one Father had trained as a medic.

"Wha—?" I coughed up more water. Someone needed to re-learn CPR as my ribs were cracked.

Jugurtha clapped a hand over my mouth, and the Beast quietly held me in place, "Relax, you were not caught wet-handed. Repeat after me. 'Did I phase?'" So I did. The predator said so.

"Considering the ground shook like it did in battle, we think so. None of us saw or heard you until you turned back to that form." He waved around his hand. Oh no. We were surrounded by wood. Lots of wood. Dead wood. Well, not quite dead wood. Limp wood. I saw the damage I had caused to the nearby trees. Modesty could wait. I ran and replanted eight Sitka Spruces that could be saved, and used my gifts to help three more. The legionnaires believed me mad but pitched in and offered assistance. The Quileute spirits wondered why I had them healing trees. Not that they minded.

"We do not leave signs that would concern humans," I explained.

"What about these?" One gestured to the trees that could not be saved.

In Quileute, I asked the spirits if they would mind ever so much making it appear as if lightning had struck the felled lumber, seeing as it was pouring cats and dogs at present. They grudgingly obliged and chided me about my habit of deforestation. My paw prints vanished as if brushed away by a spiritual broom.

Grace brought me a backpack that I had stored – never imagining using it in this context.

Marcus said into my mind using his gift, _"Edward, are you well?"_

"_I think so."_

"_What made you phase?"_ I had managed to keep Marcus from seeing my, ahem, activities since I had stayed invisible to his gift.

I had to exercise caution. I could not say, "competitive auto-eroticism." So, instead I said, _"I am used to running every night. When I go without it, I feel confined. And it has been a long time." _Which was completely true. _"We were racing and your soldiers were faster than me so I tired harder."_ Boy did I ever. It was a good thing I had come to in a lake. Because I felt relaxed.

"_You could have drowned if it weren't for my men. From now on, they will keep you company on evening runs and you will stay visible. If you want to practice shielding, you can practice with me at your side. Thucer and Cale will accompany you on your runs. I suggest another fifty miles."_ Marcus instructed.

Good thing I was dressed.

"_And Edward why are you not moving?" _He sounded impatient.

"_I need to locate my destroyed clothing. If humans find it."_

Grace told me that when I had phased I had burned everything. Including my cell phone and shoes. How inconvenient.

"_We will worry about that later. Run!"_ Marcus ordered. And I did.

Hours later, I took a warm shower and submitted to an exam by Father whom Marcus had summoned.

"Symptoms?" Father asked.

"Mild headache and muscle pain."

"No dizziness or nausea?"

"No. I do not remember much after I phased."

This was in line with what the Quileute wolves had experienced so said all that ancestral knowledge in my brain.

"This Lucius fellow." I ventured.

"I was wondering when you would ask. Do you remember when I explained that during the Vampire Wars covens fought over who would be in charge?"

"Yes, you said the one line no one contested was the Catharnai."

"That is true. The runner up to them in terms of power was the Macedonicus clan. They traced their roots to King Perseus."

"Have the Macedonicus clan contested King Larce's control?"

"No. But they have not endorsed it, either. Killing Lucius now, Marcus feels, would be inopportune."

"Lucius tried to kill _me_."

"Not very hard. He's capable of far more power. So he could argue that if he wanted you dead, that you would be. I paid his clan a friendly visit the other day." Father's smile chilled my blood. "Jasper and Metie joined me. Cale even brought Merrisol with him to show her off. We made sure to point out all the new mates that our clan has made."

"My bond with Bella is not complete."

"They don't know that. And as far as the aristocracy are concerned, when Bella publicly accepted your suit, the two of you were as good as mated because Marcus and King Larce did not contradict her."

"That will not stop them from trying to kill me, though."

"It certainly gave them food for thought. Get some rest, son. I'll keep an eye on you for tonight."

"Thank you, Father." I would fret over Lucius later. I trudged downstairs to the bedroom. How was I going to handle this? My wife, Bella, my dear little desirable one...She had expectations.

Jugurtha said, "Do not panic. We are going to continue researching and will solve the issue. We merely need time."

"We already announced the wedding date," Starched Shirt Edward observed, "It is not that far in the future. I have an idea. Go on and fret. We will get this sorted out. Check back in half an hour." I had never had him send me away and I was not going to complain. Well, about that, anyway. There were plenty of other things I could readily whine about concerning the state of my universe.

I found them sitting in the library with Starched Shirt Edward banging away at a manual typewriter with two index fingers. He ripped out the sheet of paper and handed it to Jugurtha and fed another piece into the carriage. The Beast from Chicago was proofreading, red pen in hand.

"What are you doing?"

Starched Shirt Edward primly replied, "We are compiling a list of arguments in favor of waiting for the wedding night before we share the joys of marital love with our peach."

"Well? What are they?"

Acting as if he read from the Bible, Starched Shirt Edward offered his suggestion first, "Premarital shenanigans are a _sin_."

Just like that. Wow. Who ever would have thought of that? And I highly doubted Bella _cared_ about that whole sinning part seeing as she was not religious; and when last I checked, had claimed not to believe in God.

Sensing my disquiet, Jugurtha tsked and adjusted his glasses, "We were married months ago. That argument alone is not effective."

"We were married in a pagan rite," Starched Shirt Edward hissed.

"Recognized as valid law by someone your church considers to be a saint. It is not a sin to have relations with one's socially recognized spouse married by holy men of your own Faith. Even Aquinas would agree with that. Our shenanigans, as you call it, would therefore be post-marital."

"She does not know we are wed. It would not be right," Starched Shirt Edward mournfully struck me with a killing blow to my irritatingly sensitive conscience. There were benefits to thinking like a miscreant for seven decades. I sighed. He had an excellent point. When I had my wicked way with my wife . . .she would most definitely know that she was my wife.

The Beast said, "I agree with him," he pointed to Starched Shirt Edward.

"Me? Whatever for?"

"Because you cannot tell her that you will not have relations with her because you are not married when sooner or later she will find out that you are both mated and married. Then, she would be angry and feel rejected. After that, even if you wanted to you would never have sexual relations with her."

Starched Shirt Edward pointed, "What he said. Yes!" He fist-bumped the Beast.

"What excuse do you have?" I asked the still figure of Jugurtha.

"Well, first, you have fantasized about a proper wedding night. Hot virgin sex."

Indeed. I had to adjust my trousers.

Starched Shirt Edward wailed, "You are debasing our sacred love!"

Jugurtha wrote down the words, "sacred love," and clicked his tongue. "I like that. Keep pondering that theme. You are onto something."

Bella might actually believe that particular appeal - the hot virgin sex - rather than the "sacred love" line which sounded like a ninny bleating - because the justification was grounded in reality. Boy, had I _ever_ fantasized about a wedding night with her. That involved screaming. Not that kind. _Good_ screaming. More screaming. Screaming-my-name-in-desire screaming. Not God's. I wanted her to know it was me bringing her such pleasure. And my hands. Both of them.

We both turned to Starched Shirt Edward. Who pointedly wagged his head, adjusted his tie, and cleared the phlegm from his throat.

"After our near-death experience," he beamed, "we have come to a deeper appreciation of Christ's love." He actually clasped his hands together in prayer. No. Really.

"So?" I shrugged in my best impersonation of Marcus "She will not care. Remember, she is not religious."

"She will care if she realizes that _we are _as a result of all that we have endured. So that means," he whispered something to Jugurtha and handed him a few dusty books and three papal encyclicals.

"That is inspired," Jugurtha laughed. "Keep talking, my good man."

Uh-oh. This could not be good. They whispered back and forth for fifteen irritating minutes and then Mr. Beast from Chicago got pulled into the inner sanctum.

"We have new rules of engagement," Jugurtha proclaimed.

"In battle?"

"No, rules for love. But they might as well be considered the same thing right now in terms of severity."

The Beast nodded his concurrence.

"What are these rules?"

"First, kissing is not to last longer than five minutes or first definite sign of arousal of our manly parts, whichever comes first."

"That seems prudent."

"Second," Starched Shirt Edward declared, "clothing is not optional. No more bath taking while naked, near naked or any similar condition thereof."

"That, too." Drat. The devil was in the details.

The Beast from Chicago drove the next nail into my palm. "Third, you are to ensure that Grace wakes you first every morning before Bella."

"Why? I enjoy waking up with her in my arms? That seems unfair."

Jugurtha cleared his throat and starred at me like a schoolmaster, "This is designed to prevent accidental crotch snuggling –which; by the way, was totally hot." He sighed like a gourmand recalling a five-star meal. "You can still wake up in her arms. But you should leave the bed to exercise as she will most likely want to be affectionate. Increasingly so as the days pass." That wedding could not come soon enough. Ye gads!

Memories rushed through me like a cataract. I whimpered.

"Fourth," Jugurtha punched something into his BlackBerry, "I have ordered purity rings."

"Bella has enough rings as it is and jewelry in general especially considering she does not like the stuff. I do not think she will want another."

Starched Shirt Edward tapped his foot. "Fine. You can wear yours as a sign of your commitment to respecting her chastity prior to marriage. And you can tell our dear little one that you are wearing it to let the world know that you are engaged and off the market. She will like that, I suspect."

Jugurtha said, "Hey, I was all for suggesting body piercings. He decided on the ring. It is a great idea."

"Fifth," the Beast intoned, "and most importantly, we shall at all times keep our hands to ourselves."

"I have never touched her inappropriately."

Starched Shirt Edward turned red, "What about your revolutionary method of fever reduction?"

Jugurtha said, "Making her orgasm before you were planning on snapping her neck? Three times?"

"You have it backwards, I ahem, pleasured her _after_ I decided that she would live and put the Fake Canadians and several hundred Lost Covens on a restricted diet."

"You cupped her as-ets." The Beast said, "That day on the ice."

"Fine," I grumbled and recited like a child reading sentences he had been assigned to write a hundred times as punishment. "I will respect her personal space and behave with decorum in all manners. Happy?"

We drew into a huddle, like football players. Jugurtha whispered a plan that gave me the moral high ground, was completely . . . going to be a _drag_ to pull out, I mean off. I mean. _Gah! Do not even think of saying a word. Pervert. _

So I brought Bella breakfast in bed the next morning - cooked by Esme and Arria and delivered to the front door by Decimus. Mother had suggested in a text bringing the meal to my dear little one accompanied by flowers. So I had picked three wisteria blooms. The sections of the vine measured about a foot long, and the fragrance potent, but it showed effort.

I carried the tray downstairs to our bedroom. She hugged my pillow to her while sleeping. Standing there like a numbskull, the sight of her hands clutching the cloth, made me think of her grasping . . . It took five minutes to calm myself. And another cold shower.

"Would you care for breakfast?" I tried to use my most appealing voice.

She stretched, and rolled onto her stomach. "You are feeding me flowers?" Bella pushed her hair out of her face.

"Ahem," I stammered and moved them aside revealing the silver cover over her plate. Four purple blooms fell onto the bedspread. And five drops of water fell from my wet hair. Drat.

"No, this."

"Metal?" She gestured at the covered plate.

"Very witty of you. _Voila._" With a flourish, I lifted the cover to reveal the food.

"It's sweet of you to think of me," she said. "I'm starving." Never get in between Bella and something she desired. Like food. She would be a hellion of a newborn. On every level.

One thing I noticed that had not changed was Bella's appetite. She ate like a horse. Well, two well-mannered horses. Fine. Perhaps three. Two and half? Although literally halving a horse was not quantifiable and definitely disgusting. Bloody, too. . .never mind.

"Do you know why I'm eating like this?" Bella asked between bites. "It cannot be normal. I thought it was because of my heart, but I'm better now and I'm still hungry all the time."

"Your metabolism has changed since you started coming around vampires." That was the truth.

She stopped eating. "Will my Dad get sick like me?"

"No. He is healthy as a horse. The condition is unique to you because of who you are. Your Father, when last I checked, is not a source of endless power. You have to feed the power, you know. That is why since I developed my gifts, I have been eating so often. Please, finish your meal, I like watching you eat." Quite possibly I might have sent her a lustful gaze or two – all in the name of encouraging her appetite. For food. Really.

"I will if you drink algae with me. And thanks, no one ever said anything." She poured me another glass and slid it across the small table to me. Her hand lingered on mine and I had no complaints.

"Deal. I doubt they understood. I do. This process has been hard on your body because you are mortal." Becoming mates meant my appetite increased, therefore, hers did too. Which was not, for the record, normal mate bond behavior, hence my family's confusion. Emmett did not go on a blood binge whenever Rosalie was hungry. If she hit her head, he did not develop a headache.

I waited until she finished eating. And I had brushed my teeth and had consumed three breath strips to clear the film of scum from them.

"What?" she asked.

"Ahem . . . well. . . we need to discuss . . some things about marriage."

"What is there to discuss?"

"Boundaries."

She waved the wisteria at me, which drooped like a wilting, ahem, flower stalk. "Heard that speech before. No impaling myself on your teeth while kissing." She then proceeded to stare down at her empty plate. I took the tray from her and placed it on a dresser.

"Beloved Fiancé, I respect you."

"I know." She studied her fingers.

"So that means I must show my regard by behaving like a gentleman."

"You've been pretty good at that lately," Bella said quietly.

"This is for your safety. When I say stop. I mean immediately."

"Was yesterday . . . hard?"

Was it ever.

Jugurtha ordered, "Say 'yes, it was.'" I repeated that with a sigh.

"Bella, I cannot do anything that compromises your virtue."

She pulled her knees against her chest and rested her chin on them. "I don't care." Her hand had wrapped around the wisteria vine and sort of strangled part of it. I doubt she noticed. She got on her knees and leaned towards me with arms outstretched and a dangerous gleam in those eyes.

Like a staked goat, I bleated, "But I do. Our love is sacred! Pure!" And I think about nailing you twelve ways from Sunday every moment. Purely. Divinely. Eternally.

I might possibly have sounded so undignified that the Beast rolled his eyes and Jugurtha winced, and Bella dropped her arms. I moved at vampire speed picked her up so it did not seem like I rejected her embrace, and swung her around to sit in the window seat.

Inches and worlds apart, we sat side-by-side staring at the view out the window of the forest floor. Douglas and Henrietta pursued each other through the evergreen branches. So far, Henrietta led Douglas on a merry chase. He could not seem to catch her.

Bella channeled centuries of Telecles discipline when she stoically asked, "So we are sticking to kissing?"

"We are."

"Can I touch you?"

Dear God. She was Satan's minion.

"Of course." I had a filthy mind. She held out her fingers and lightly traced my neck. And she shocked me. For real. Static electricity can hurt, you know? Even vampires have feelings.

"Can I shave you?"

Anywhere you wanted, little girl. I mean wife. I mean _down, manly parts, down!_

Jugurtha said, "You just quoted her dim-witted father, you realize." Oh, the humanity.

"I did not, Chief Swan referred to himself as _big guy,_ if I recall while staring at me showering. _This_ is totally different."

"Say something to Bella like 'yes,' as this shows we are willing to compromise. Besides, she has shaved you before and you lived." Jugurtha said. "It's not like a razor would do anything to your manly parts if she became enraged."

"If you like." I said that so casually.

Tremulous smile in place, she rose up on her knees again, stepped off of the bench, and led me by the hand back across the room to my impending un-death by desire.

The Beast from Chicago, Jugurtha, and Starched Shirt Edward were with me in my fifteen minutes of need. I wanted to pounce on her. And my dear little dedicated one did a remarkable job with a razor.

"I have books," I stammered.

"I know. Very interesting ones."

She bent closer, her lips enticingly near me to obtain a better angle as she caressed with a blade, erm, I mean – shaved - the right side of my face. Oh little girl, did I ever have books to show you.

"Really?" She said.

"Big ones. I mean thick ones."

She kept a reflective demeanor.

"What else?"

"Old and dusty, too. Well, they _used_ to be dusty before I polished them. To kill the dust mites so you will not choke. And I had not really bothered to read the books over the years, since I had no use for them. Lately, though, I have been doing a lot of research."

But I sure did now – have a use for them. I was a doctor. Twice. Determined to be a professional about that whole losing-my-virginity-without-unwittingly-killing-my-virginal-blushing-smoking-hot-bride business. I had been silent too long. So I blurted the first thing that came to mind. Unfortunately.

"Tanya is a sex expert."

"Who is Tanya?" The razor stilled, my dear little knife brandishing one's voice rose an octave.

"My cousin. I have mentioned her before." I think.

"You slept with your cousin?" She said something that vile in such a gentle nonjudgmental voice while holding a predatorily still razor.

Color suffused my cheeks, causing the tips of my ears to flame, "Oh. No! Never! I have_ never_. . .You are the only woman I have ever been with."

She resumed stroking my chin – I mean ridding it of unwanted stubble. Bella washed my burning face and patted it dry. I darn well let her. And enjoyed every last second. Thank you very much.

Jugurtha said, "You should be thanking her." He turned to his coterie. "Gentlemen, we have our work cut out for us." They solemnly inclined their heads – well, technically the Beast did not even have one, seeing as his form was black smoke, but you get the idea.

Right. That.

I changed the subject.

"Tanya and her sisters Irina and Kate have a series of manuals I thought we would read together. To prepare. For the wedding night." There, I said it. Without making my voice crack like an adolescent. Smooth I was. Not.

"Ok."

"They're Oscan, so we can practice speaking in the same tongue," I added insult to injury by prattling. The ends of my ears burned, I blushed so profusely.

"Are we going to be practicing?" So I could _phase and kill her?_ I think not.

"What?"

"With the books."

"Well," I tried to put venom in my parched throat, "I imagine they have some exercises that are within our limits, of course."

"So where are they - these cousins?"

"Tanya and her sisters are in Alaska rebuilding. Phoenix burned their homes to the ground. Both of them."

"Oh. How awful."

"No harm done. They are all well." Not that I had conversed with them. But that was the last bit we had heard from Carmen and Eleazar. Benedict and his family had been kept quite busy up in Alaska but Marcus had sent for them after the battle in Forks to deal with humans that needed their memories altered. While I gathered wool thinking of my relations, my wife poked me thinking of relations of an entirely different nature.

"The books. Do you have them here?"

"No, they are at the mansion. But I brought one." I held it out. It had a lovely photo of the three sisters on the front.

Bella stared at it for a while.

I put my hand over hers.

"We'll learn together," I vowed. Hands joined, we both turned the cover.

With dragging feet, we packed the next morning to return to prison – I mean, home.

"Edward," she teased, "I say we bolt for the forest and ditch them all," and tugged me by the hand, "This was bliss. One last walk to see the scenery?"

"I am looking at all the scenery I will ever need." I smiled down at her.

"Can we barricade ourselves in the attic when we return and go on a vacation with the laptop? You know they will probably have a bunch of parties and teas." Her nose wrinkled. "And stuff where they're going to parade us around like show ponies."

"Anywhere you want, Bella, I will follow. Even a party." I said that last part like it was torture. Which we both knew it was.

"You, Edward Cullen are agreeing to be social and converse?"

"Only for you. On principle I hate everyone equally, and talking especially."

"Now I really know you love me." She laughed.

"I am yours. My heart is yours forevermore. There is no other for me in this life." There. I told her that we were mated.

Hand in hand, we left the shade of the trees as I heard Marcus' men approach to escort us home. In that moment, I noticed that it looked awfully like the vision of Future Us. Bella even had the smile right as we left the serenity of the forest and approached our life to come.

After seven audiences, four soirees, and one tea where everyone sipped slime from china cups, I felt ready to strangle the entire aristocracy, and had stripped four immortals of their gifts after they had been rude. To avert certain venomshed, Marcus sent us to Chicago. Benedict, Father, Jasper and Alice accompanied us as did Thucer, Skeevy, and Teitu. We were heavily guarded, with a contingent of legionnaires, but that could not be helped.

My childhood home existed only in the ruined palace of my immortal mind, as it had burned to the foundation when Horatio's house had caught fire. Rather than rebuild, I had turned the patch of land into a private park. Fate had found yet another pointed way of telling me that I could never really return home.

We divided up: Mary Alice, Bella, her uncles and I to go sightseeing, Jasper, Father, and Benedict to dig in old records.

I have no idea how my feet led us here to the family mausoleum. Bella and I went inside alone.

The marble room did not seem so awful now, years after my last visit.

She said, "You told me once that Mexicans scattered flowers on the graves of the dead to honor them."

"So I did."

"So I bought a few."

Unzipping her backpack, she brought a small glass bowl for me to see. Inside sat three marigold heads that were the color of old golden coins. Nestled in the bowl, they reminded me of a family portrait. I picked the child first. Fighting to keep from shaking, I delicately crumbled the dried flower head into the bowl.

I handed the flower that reminded me of Mother, to Bella, "Will you help me?" She crumbled that slowly and scattered the seeds atop mine. We did the last one together, my hand wrapped around hers.

We left our offering on a shelf.

_To thee do we cry poor banished children of Eve,_ was the only bit of prayer I could bring to mind. Bella held my hand and gave it a short squeeze.

Starched Shirt Edward patted me on the forearm and chirped, "We know from our human Father that they are at peace. We are here with Bella, just as our human Mother foresaw. We are not banished." The dream from 1918 surfaced. I recalled the terror in my human Mother's eyes as she begged me to remember her words.

"How my Mother would have smiled," I choked.

"Why?"

"Bella . . ." I searched for the right words and sank to a marble bench, and my Bella sat beside me. "You are the Rosetta stone that gave meaning to my life. You dragged me kicking and screaming to the altar of love. And then you offered me your hand when I least deserved it. I hope to be worthy of your regard."

She wrapped her arms around me, and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"You are not alone, Edward. I know what it is like to lose everything at once."

"I came here years ago, hoping that if I stood in front of their graves that I would remember them."

"What happened?"

"I felt like a complete failure as a son. I could remember nothing. Now, it is so different. I know I had a happy life, a loving family. I no longer envy them for being at rest."

"No one in your family knew you hated being a vampire?"

"Never. I could not have Carlisle feel guilty. He turned me because my Mother begged him. She said she saw me doing great things. She begged because he was our cousin that she needed him to care for me."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"No. While there are aspects of this life I would not wish on anyone, I still treasure it for what it is. We all have our burdens to bear in life. I have only recently come to appreciate the joys that go with it." I squeezed her back in a hug, "With you and our family, life will never be boring."

I kissed her on the forehead. "You are my home. I feel blessed to have you in my life."

She clung to me and we stared at the plaques of my family with the dates of birth and death. I avoided looking at the empty slot that had been reserved for me. It did not seem to matter anymore that it would forever remain unfilled.

"Shall we?" I asked her after fumbling for words to a prayer I knew not how to even begin.

"Are you ready?"

Grandmother Grace's gift of the trunk all those years back, and her instructions that I had to fill it with the things that mattered came to mind. I took a single marigold seed from the bowl and tucked it into my wallet. This would have to be added to the trunk. Bella had given me back my Parents. Straightening my spine, I offered her my arm.

"I believe I am."

**Snarky Summary: Edward spend time pondering his bad ass battle skills, and realizes they had to bait him with images of Bella to talk him out of his berserker fury. He remembers his death in his human Mother's arms, has a quick vision with Horatio who seems awfully nice, and also meets Bella's original fiancé. Let's just say they get along like oil and water, and Lucius Macedonicus, esquire tries to kill Edward all Freddy Kreuger stealth-like. Twice. Hezekiah plays baseball. FitzLuck does a great Joan Rivers impersonation with fashion sense. Edward catches up on all he missed while he was asleep - Paula being put to rest, fake serial killers being caught to calm hysterical humans, new rules in place for hunting, you know, the little things. Edward visits with Mary Alice, Jasper, and his Father over his wayward past – well part of it. He wakes up at his mountain house with Bella. Alone. Sort of. Can I just say that Bella can give as good as she gets. Girl has learned a thing or two in the past year. About kissing. And teasing and such. Go Bella! Queen of the Blue Balls. Edward comes up with rules of engagement in order to properly court his bride. And has to engage in Mission Impossible-like antics in order to conduct more research. For moral purposes. Of course. Edward would like you to know he's still the biggest of them all. And he had a good reason for setting speed records. With research. Really. Edward and Bella talk Sex, Tanya, and Books. Edward and Bella visit Chicago to catch up on old times. **

**The next chapter, which is about 13k, is written and beta'd. I'll post in about 24 hours.**

**Please review, I just might tease you some more. **

**Sparkling out with an epic fist pump or nine. Not that way. Pervs. **

**Books**

* * *

**Closing Song: ****Sueña by Luis Miguel**

* * *

**References:**

For more on the Goblin Gates:http:/www (dot) seattlepi (dot) com/getaways/315750_hike17 (dot) html

Meet Smokey the Bear, and learn more about how you, too can prevent forest fires:

http:/www (dot) smokeybear (dot) com/

Grizzly bears are officially a threatened species – not to mention threatening when irked: http:/www (dot) mt (dot) nrcs (dot) usda (dot) gov/news/factsheets/grizzly (dot) html

http:/www (dot) npr (dot) org/templates/story/story (dot) php?storyId=5013084

For more on the history of Christmas trees:

http:/www (dot) holidayfires (dot) com/christmastree (dot) php

And yes, I did slip in a reference to Buzz Lightyear from the Disney movie Toy Story:

http:/disney (dot) go (dot) com/vault/archives/characters/buzz/buzz (dot) html

For more on kissing:

http:/yahoo (dot) match (dot) com/y/article (dot) aspx?articleid=8952&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=708649

For the origin of the phrase, "Oh the humanity," read this: http:/www (dot) navalhistory (dot) org/2010/05/06/73-years-ago-today-hindenburg-oh-the-humanity/


	66. HOD pt 55 Tribulation and Pride

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me.**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing. To Fantasy Mother, Pomme_de_Terrre, Oxymoronic8, SleepyValentina, Farkle, Superstarrah, and GinnyW for their help with this story. **

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. We are at last finally at the end of the Heart of Darkness arc of the story. Thank you for sticking with me all this way. The next chapter will begin the final arc of Cullenary Coupling. **

*****This chapter contains reference to violence, snark, more snark, vulgarity, and sexual content.*****

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Snarky Summary: So the last chapter we got to see various plot bunnies die in a mass slaughter. We cleared up that whole Paula really being gone and really being nuts and raised the question of just how much more nuts Edward can feel, I mean go. It's a hard life in Main Edward's pants, I mean shoes. We met Bella's original hoity-toity fiance who now wants her back. There will be NO love triangle in this story between Bella and any other characters. The Swedes acted like meatballs - I mean meatheads and the Beast from Chicago proved his worth. Edward choked the chicken, I mean conducted ground-breaking venom leakage research. And discovers he now has new problems. Size matters. He doesn't mean to brag, but he gives entirely new meaning to that whole "hunka hunka burnin' love" phrase. Edward had some bracing conversations with Mary Alice, Jasper, and Pappy Cullen about his dealings with Sister Claire and how she died. They are all sorts of curious since Mary Alice has had two visions, and Edward one, why they are called to Chicago. But they went, and Edward visited his parents' graves.**

**Things from past chapters you need to remember for this one are as follows: Edward has had chats with Mary Alice, and Hezekiah about his, erm, sexual issues, but never said a thing to Bella beyond explaining to her that they now had a system they were following of rules of engagement for her safety, and out of respect. Edward is a little worried because he used to have one impressive pecker, I mean pucker, and can't use the Quileute powers on Bella that way anymore so he's scared she won't be ahem satisfied by kissing him. Not like before. And as their mate bond grows in strength, so too, does their desire. He's screwed. Sorta. Nota. You get the picture. His family has no idea about his killing spree history and he plans on keeping it that way, thank you very much. Edward in his mind, thinks he's also been clearer in his communication with Bella - like for example telling her that there is no other in the world for him equates to telling her that they are mated. You also should keep in mind that the only experience that Bella has with the whole mate bond dealio is a) finding out about Liam and Eve, and b) seeing the newborns literally form a mate bond right before her eyes, and c) what she's observed from watching the Cullens. She and Edward have a connection that other mates don't. They feel each other's pain. They both seem to have voracious appetites. But if you go back and re-read the front arc, you'll see that Edward has been following those rules of engagement and having to exercise more. And Bella doesn't know why. Another thing you should remember is that Edward is related by blood to Carlisle and Benedict - and Carlisle has the awesome gift of putting people at ease so they think he's compassionate and harmless and means them well. Benedict can take all your memories. Forever. They are on the track of Sister Claire's killer, wondering why a mortal had a vampire blade, and why that mortal was hunting her. As we begin this final chapter of the HOD arc, Edward, Jasper, Benedict and Carlisle are standing before the convent that Sister Claire belonged to.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling – Heart of Darkness – Part Fifty Five – Tribulation and Pride **

Hours later, with Bella on the other side of Chicago, accompanied by Mary Alice, I carried on another debate. "Why am I bothering with this?" I asked Jugurtha.

"Stop making excuses and go in that building. Now. Jasper is not going to pester you. He is as curious as you are. We need to learn what we can about Sister Claire. We don't even know her real name. Many women when they took vows adopted new names. We know that her killer targeted her." I had managed to get that much from his mind before I had taken his life.

Jasper said, "Edward, Horatio's father had a drinking problem, and made bad investments. The family was almost broke, and living off the charity of relatives. No one knew it. Philemon, in particular, from what I could find in the archives, liked to gamble. And while he did live in Europe, he never set foot in Russia. I have no idea how he came across that blade."

"I know that someone gave it to him. He prized it, and he hunted her. But I was not in his mind very long."

We stared at the battered building that housed the convent of the Sisters of Mercy. Benedict, Jasper and I stood behind Father as he rapped on their scarred front door.

"Hello," Father greeted the woman who answered respectfully. He could charm the last penny from a pauper with that gift. "I called earlier. We have an appointment."

Father used his gift to afford us entrance, Jasper asked the questions, I relied upon my ability to rifle through their minds to discover what treasures the good sisters hid, and Benedict ensured that they could forget that we had ever existed. After twenty interminable minutes with a hobbit-like Sister Clodovia we left holding an envelope that Claire had left behind in her Bible. Records at the convent showed her birth name was Amelia Jones, which sounded fake to me.

I stared at it, sitting in the cold of our rental car, not far from where Claire and the children had died and my life had changed course.

A small sheet of paper, folded several times and browned with age fell from the envelope.

Father read it and said to Benedict. "I think you would be better with this."

Benedict explained, "This is a very old form of Gaelic. 'For generations we have been hunted, but we have survived. If you are finding this, then I have lost the battle and have fallen to the enemy. Take up the sword. Guard your young from the demon's bite.'"

"What a better place to hide from a demon than in a church?" Jasper mused.

Father said, "You know that would not stop any immortal that attacked."

"Which proves that they did not understand what pursued them," Benedict concluded.

Jasper said,"Edward, I think you should wait with Bella while we carry this out. Sister Claire's words make it necessary."

"What are we doing?" Benedict asked.

"We're going to rob a grave by digging up a body. But only for a little while. We'll put it right back. I think you would enjoy DNA testing," Father explained to our startled cousin. We returned home that night.

Two weeks later, we found that Father and I had no relationship with Sister Claire or the two murdered children. Mary Alice, on the contrary, did. She and Claire were close enough to be cousins. Speaking of Mary Alice, her sister at long last had been located thanks to the work of Peter and Charlotte. Having fled to Novia Scotia, the poor woman had been murdered on her wedding day, her groom and the wedding party, too. In the article describing it, the act had been attributed to a gang of local bandits. They liked to burn everything to the ground after robbing their victims. It reeked of Maria. Aaron later confirmed that it had been carried out on her order, although Maria had insisted that she was doing it to gain influence with another coven. From Aaron's perspective, Maria had no idea who Cynthia was, nor did she care beyond the fact that someone wanted her dead and not turned.

"Poor Cynthia. I have no other siblings left to find," Mary Alice said. "What an awful way to die."

When we reported the news to Marcus he said, "Edward, did you take any pictures of that vampire blade? I know it was destroyed when we fought Maria."

Looking like the eager star pupil, Rosalie said, "I did." She returned with several photographs.

Vivinna examined them, as did Skeevy and King Larce.

"Fake," the King sniffed. "See here, and here?" He pointed to leaves on the blade, "We never had those."

"Alice," Marcus said, "Their blood, not you, caused their fate. Because of a prophecy some religious idiot made, my line was considered to be cursed with talent that the gods envied, and we were hunted like animals. They left me alive because as a vampire, I cannot sire young. We have been tracing your line back as far as we could. In every generation that we could find documentation, they all perished by murder or some kind of sudden death. It is remarkable that you escaped. Even more that Bella lives and breathes."

Frostily, Vivinna looked out the window as if the trees were about to leap through and attack. "Husband, someone hunts our young still. This is unacceptable."

"I shall handle it, my dear," he promised his mate.

"How?"

"This time, I will ask for the aid of my Father." Oh, because asking for Mommy's help the last time was so fruitful. Ye gads!

That sucked the air from the room. If Vivinna feared Marcus' Father, as it appeared King Larce did as well, then Marcus possessed the most terrifying parents on the planet.

"I never make the same mistake twice." Marcus vowed, "This time, the gloves are off. We are going to do this his way."

It had been six months since that day. Marcus Mother had made herself scarce "recovering her strength," I hope he meant in power not odor, and he made no mention of his Father nor did any one else even in their thoughts - blast it all – no shoe size, description, you know - little details like what horrendous power he had as a talent. I thought of Marcus' sire as the not-so-jolly-immortal giant. No one tried to kill me - except my wife - and that was of desire.

The aristocrats behaved themselves, scared witless by that whole wolf story that had made its rounds. Bella and I used the time to craft our own fragile peace. I felt like I sat in a canoe on still waters, afraid to move lest it overturn. I feared Lady Fate was not done toying with me. As time had progressed our mate bond had strengthened, and as predicted, the attraction had become more intense. It was all I could do to keep my hands off of her. I had to constantly think of images so vile even Marcus occasionally asked me to tone it down as I managed to disturb him – although he felt my pain. At his insistence, I increased my nightly runs.

Jugurtha said, "Try being bonded fully and not getting any for a thousand years. Stop whining." Noted.

A memory bombarded me.

Bella had insisted that we be permitted to spend at least one week a month in privacy at our mountain home. Marcus had agreed. Which is why last month she had, ahem, floored me. I had returned from running to find her waiting for me wearing um, well, oh my, a white nightgown. While proper and covering her, regardless it turned certain parts of me on full alert. Parts that needed to behave. I needed to get a grip. No, not _that_ kind of grip. Animal.

Starched Shirt Edward slapped his palm over his eyes and gulped, "She's even more beautiful than I imagined." Sweat broke out over his forehead. Kneeling at his prayer bench staring at the icon of the Blessed Mother, he started praying the _Angelus_ in Latin. Which was not helping when he hit the lines about the, "word being made flesh" and the whole, "fruit of thy womb," business. I was so going to Hell now when the Virgin's face transformed into, well, _my_ virgin's face. Taking a prayer and turning into visual pornography involving my bride had to rank up there in the land of mortal sin.

Jugurtha said, "We are married. The only people we need to pray to be chaste around would be other women. Do you feel tempted by others?"

"Of course not!" Starched Shirt Edward and I yelped.

Primly, Starched Shirt Edward added, "No one on this earth can compare to our dear little peach"

"Amen." the Beast from Chicago stuck a fist in the air.

"Exactly." Jugurtha concurred, "She is our wife. Pounce. Now. Just remember our rules of engagement."

I was a refined male, raised with proper manners in regards to the fairer sex. That was simply a stupid night gown. One that clung to her curves in appealing locations. One that was _not_ see-through, alas. Although I could detect the underside of her breasts through the fabric. I wanted to get a grip on her . . . right now. And like the amazing woman that she is, Bella practically read my mind.

Slack-jawed, drooling, and my usual mute self, I definitely contemplated tackling her on the thick carpet. I had just enough self-control to erect a sound barrier as she approached, almost stalking me it seemed. The hair on my arms stood. When had my bride developed such a fierce gaze? It must have been a trick of the moon or my desire-fogged brain. Her eyes appeared to glow.

This Bella sounded warm, confident. "Welcome home, Edward." Said the spider to the fly.

"She is not a spider. And seriously? That's hot. She is shy and did that for you." Jugurtha chided. "See how she's shaking and trying to hide it?"

She held out her arms. As her scent sank into my soul, I bent like a reed in the wind with the blast of desire that swept over me. We were engaged. Hell, we were married. This was moral. And normal between not-quite-mated couples. Right? I kissed her fully with righteous passion.

Twenty minutes ago, I had partaken from three Roosevelt Elk and had scrubbed my teeth and had even used those breath strips. All that feeding went for naught in a trice because she had to go and properly kiss me in return.

Oh me. Oh my. Oh Sweet Jesus. What she did with her tongue. I might have whimpered. But I smiled when she moaned.

Even Sitting Bull would approve because I was using my hands like a _real _man. Not that I was one. But still.

She grabbed my ears when I tried to pull away, which only made me want to kiss her more. So I did.

Then she dangled above the ground, trailed kisses down my throat, and clung to me like fog. And how was it fair that she was scorchingly good at that kissing business, when I would have settled for a marginal embrace that would not tempt me so? My dear little personal Delilah.

The glass in the windows rattled. We had kissed beyond our usual time limit – thirty-six seconds past it so far. I did not care. Without thinking, I pushed her back a step. Her back rested against the entertainment center. Polka music shrieked from the surround sound system, scaring us both. For about ten seconds. I smashed the damn box, taking care of that mood killing business, and proceeded into battle, I mean kissing.

The Beast said, "Even I think we should slow down. You look like you are going to chomp on her jugular."

"That was kissing, you fool," I hissed. And then proceeded to kiss her again. Bella moaned. Which almost was the death of her.

Heaving in a gasp, I pried - I mean loosened - her fingers from my ears and caressed her face preparing with a quick kiss to back away for her dear life. And then the backs of Bella's warm fingers rubbed against the bare skin of my lower abdomen and I . . . fled like any ordinary vampire would do when in the presence of his singer and that magnificently, I mean painfully aroused.

It took me two minutes to reach the nearest icy lake, and while the house and its precious occupant were untouched, three boulders alas were pulverized as I blitzed past. Desperately, I dove into the waters praying for certain parts of me to wilt. Now.

I had moved so fast through the forest that the legionnaires had barely caught sight of me. No fools they, by the silence from the house, they had guessed that perhaps Bella and I were enjoying private time.

Titus, the second-in-command, approached with circumspection.

When I surfaced, he asked, "Feel like running for a spell?"

Since my manly parts had shriveled in the frigid water – on purpose might I add – and I had refrained from phasing into an almost forty-foot-tall wolfpire, I did not mind emerging. After all, they had seen me transform; and I don't mean to brag, but they could not possibly compare. On any level. So there. Except for that running business - which they were awfully good at doing. Bella's uncles picked that moment to show up and join. Lovely. I had to work to keep up as we broke speed records through the mountains.

When I finally returned, a hundred miles later, to the house, Bella wore a different nightgown, socks, too, and was quite asleep. I showered, my sore muscles protesting. My dear little tuckered out temptress had seemed fine the next morning and out of consideration for me had pretended like the night before had not happened. She spoiled me so.

We had courted properly from June through November by simply walking in the forest, trailed by a discreet guard or three hundred, and playing chess. Mother had thought it a wonderful sign when Bella had redesigned the garden at our mountain home as women typically did to perfectly suitable habitats. We had spent every night silently reading over the tomes on marital love. Tanya and her sisters had been prolific. Though hard to follow, the rules of engagement had been working as I had not phased since.

And I had nearly undone all that work in two days by tearing Bella's clothing off in public, almost phasing at the grocery store, and neglecting to tell her about Tanya's shenanigans before the entire immortal world. No idiots they, her guards had left the task of being the messenger of doom to me.

My phone chimed, and I read the screen. Jane had texted me that if I did not say something, she would actually leave Tyler's side and beat me. Magnificent. It would be rude to kill my cousin. And she did have a soft spot for Bella, as they participated in some bizarre grooming ritual that involved soaking each other's feet, scraping a file over the toenails and then slathering colored paint on them. Her words might have been rude, but Jane had a point. I needed to comfort my Bella. Because today had been significant in more than just the clothes ripping department.

It was the one year anniversary of the day since we had found our way back to each other in Italy – a day I had not wanted to mention – although it really was our anniversary. Our formal wedding was set to happen in mid-December when our friends would be out of college. We had planned on attending Dartmouth in January. On paper. Since Paula's death, we had struggled with how to kill Bella's mortal life off without taking her father along in the process. Never one for words, the man spent several hours a week quietly grieving at Paula's grave. He had lost fifteen pounds.

Grace showed me the recent conversations that Bella had with Tanya, the ones I had not paid attention to because I had been trying to work on that whole privacy and respecting personal and mental space issue. My Bella was an Amazon who bet women into attempting to seduce me. Who did that?

I could not wait for the day when I really could hold her in my arms without fear of crushing her like an oyster cracker. And all that I could say after watching Bella's tutorial from Tanya was that I was indeed a very, very lucky man. I could not wait to get lucky. And I was very grateful that Irina had given the fellatio instructions because we all knew that Tanya could not do it right after chomping poor Attila to un-death. It had been centuries and the man was still annoyed about it.

Jugurtha said, "That is so hot. She's going to get more sex lessons from Tanya and her sisters. We are going to have a phenomenal honeymoon." He actually rubbed his hands together and high-fived the Beast from Chicago. Well, he tried to, but his hand went right through the billowing dark smoke.

"Our peach tried to get that hoyden to seduce us? Is she breaking our engagement?"

Starched Shirt Edward's bewildered query frightened me into silence. Was she?

Jugurtha smacked me upside the back of the head and barked, "No. She is not leaving you. Focus." To Starched Shirt Edward, he extrapolated, "Young human brides often consult with older women prior to their wedding nights in order to be prepared to please their husbands in their wifely duties. It is a time-honored ritual."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "So she should discuss this with her vampire mother should she not?"

Jugurtha snorted. "Really, do you think Arria would care about making sure a man received pleasure in bed? Tanya's the better choice. Now perhaps you should pray to the Blessed Mother to grant her grace to our most holy union."

After recounting my epic tale of woe and redemption, I looked at Dream Edward and said, "Happy now?" to his pristine crisp shirt and tasteful tie.

He nodded and answered, "I am not a figment of Bella's imagination. You'll see," he winked like a professional automobile salesman. "Three minutes have passed while you have stood here contemplating your tribulations and swallowing your pride. She needs you. Apologize for your boorish behavior."

Primly, he straightened the knot at his neck. The cad had perfect hair. How annoying. I was tempted to hang him over the banister by the aforementioned thin piece of cloth. But that would be rude. Despite my having to chide his perverse thoughts now and then, he had listened to me rant for all that time.

The door slammed a floor below, jarring me out of my trance. As I returned to the reality before me, I climbed the stairs leading to the third story at wolfpire speed. I felt like a convicted prisoner approaching the judge to hear his sentence.

I hated Dream Edward. I had to play that role to get her to fall in love with me the first time. I had not wanted to act like him to earn her love the second. While I doubted that nonsense about Dream Edward being anything other than a figment of my jealous imagination, the entity had raised a good point. I had kept Bella waiting long enough.

Walking to our bedroom door, I heard Dream Edward mutter to Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward, "What a weasel."

Dream Edward indeed. I would most definitely out dream _him_. Starting now. Although that meant conversing. Dang it. I was doomed.

"Baby steps," Jugurtha shouted in encouragement. "You can do this. Just say you are sorry and wrong and she is right like Emmett instructed."

I turned the doorknob to enter the pitch black of our room. Wincing at the need, I placed a sound barrier around the area and closed the door behind me. No one else needed to hear our conversation.

Standing in the darkness, I listened for the patter of her heart, noting how it still kept rhythm with my own black one. Sniffing the air, I could smell the salt on her shirt combined with the proteins that made up the tears humans cried when in emotionally distraught states. Grace told me that Sweet Girl had been sleeping only for a little while. Time's fleet feet waited for no one, immortal or not. I removed my shoes and coat.

Lifting the covers, I spooned Bella from behind, gently unbending her from her huddled position. I tucked her head beneath my chin and ruminated over the events of the past few hours. I struggled to think of a way of presenting the scandalous antics of my deranged nymphomaniac cousin to my dear little distraught one that would not result in me being metaphorically eviscerated. Perhaps it was a good thing I was already dead. On the bright side, confessing could completely distract Bella from the grocery store fiasco.

My mood soared. Tentatively, I trailed my fingers down her arm. I did not think I would ever become accustomed to the joy of touching her. The sparks shocked me every single time.

I stroked her cheek. She lifted her face and rubbed against my hand murmuring my name.

"Bella?"

"Mmmf." She curled on her side and tried to flip over. I nudged her again.

"It is dark. Her human eyes can see nothing," Starched Shirt Edward reminded me. Right. That.

I saw her eyes flutter open and felt her give a start as she suddenly came awake followed by a disarming smile. Tenderly my lips brushed hers.

"Bella, you have only been asleep for an hour. Are you hungry? Or do you want to rest some more?"

"I ate something while you were hunting." She sounded groggy, pulled her arms around me, and nuzzled against my shoulder. It seemed for a moment that she was trying to fuse her body against my side she clutched me so hard – by human standards.

From their fortress they had crafted outside of the doorway of her spirit, I heard one of Hezekiah's shaman geezers say, "Sonny, I don't know what you did, but we got ourselves a lot of unwanted callers up here! And lots of them have women's undergarments as gifts."

Lovely. I asked the spirits in Quileute if they would mind sending a few spiritual bouncers up their way. Accidentally, I said that aloud.

"Why are you asking spiritual warriors to help us?" Bella asked. "Are we being attacked again?" Now her voice took on an edge of panic.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I apologize for frightening you. Some irritating aristocrats with gifts are currently attempting to use them to communicate with you. I did not think you wanted to be bothered."

"Good call." She heaved a sigh of relief. "They're giving me underwear, aren't they?"

"They are."

"Idiots. Don't they know I never wear any?" I gawped. She smirked and said, "Gotcha," and proceeded to giggle.

Jugurtha said, "She's been through an ordeal today. You should simply tell her you found out about Tanya and the bet and that you think it is hilarious while she's in a semi-hysterical mood. Research shows making your target laugh actually increases the likelihood of persuading them."

"Come now, Jugurtha, I do not have that good of a sense of humor. She will never believe it."

"You are a practiced liar. You had better start using that talent again in the name of her emotional health. Remember Father's words about seduction and truth."

Stretching out beside Bella I took her into my arms so quickly she yelped. This time, she deserved to be on top.

"Now would be a -mmpf." Jugurtha kindly muffled Dream Edward.

"If you make him angry, he will banish you like that other one from Chicago who only just got out." He took his hand from the indignant Dream Edward's sulking pout.

The Beast from Chicago clicked his tongue and said to Dream Edward, "Between his Mommy and Daddy issues, self-loathing, and existential crises, he managed to build himself a fine delusion there about being the perfect vampire child. I did not fit into that scenario so was banished as a part of Jugurtha that he did not want to acknowledge. See that you do not push his buttons. He is awfully high strung. And you are the new guy on the block."

Morons. I ignored them. I had better things to do with my time. And hands. Like groveling.

I said to the birds, "I think the geezers upstairs could use some help," and they did not need a second excuse to take to the heavens.

I ran my fingers up Bella's waist, and slipped them under her shirt to caress her back. She flinched when my fingers reached the area where Victoria/Annie/Jasper's-insane-first-concubine-wife had carved her initials.

She sagged as I began to knead the stiff knots around her shoulders.

"Tanya did something last night." I began my foray into treacherous waters. There confession stated. I was off the hook.

"Really? Was she very bad?" Bella muttered into my shirt.

"I have shielded the room. No one can hear us."

"Excellent."

"Well, you see …." I started shifting and realized that was a bad idea because it made her move atop my chest which led to other considerably wicked ideas. My mouth became like Death Valley in terms of moisture. I coughed in an effort to clear my throat. Bella seemed to take pity on me. I sounded pathetic even to myself.

She stroked my cheek the way that I loved. "Edward, you can tell me anything."

Jugurtha said, "That is totally hot, and if you don't confess now, I predict she'll grab your balls by that ferocious look on her face."

The Beast from Chicago said, "How would you know? She has never grabbed our balls before. You cannot recognize an expression that has never happened. But she does look feral."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our dear little one does not have rabies! And why are you worried about her grabbing balls? Do we even own any after all this time? I thought Emmett had all the balls in the family." They stared at him. I had too much on my hands at the moment to correct his logic.

"Tanya crashed my Bachelor party and stripped almost naked last night and it was ghastly and I am so sorry I had no idea she would strip in front of all our friends and your family!" I spit out sort of at human speed. There, I had confessed.

Somehow I never imagined confessing to Bella while she straddled my chest. It was taking all my self control to not flip her on her back and pounce. Or let her know I wanted to pounce for that matter.

Bella teased, "I heard Tanya in there somewhere and party but you've lost me. Did she do something outrageous?" Her fingers tiptoed up my chest. I was wheezing. It felt so good.

I squirmed as the mental image of Tanya pressing her pasty covered breasts against my shoulders while running her fingers through my hair and swaying crossed my mind. Yes. That definitely qualified as outrageous. I shuddered. And that killed my arousal.

"Decidedly."

"Do I even want to know how offensively she behaved?"

Emphatically, I said, "No."

"Wow. That bad?"

"I wanted you to hear it from me first. I was planning on telling you after the trip to the store. . ."

Bella offered a wistful smile, "What cosmic force did we disturb to be the subject of two separate scandals that hit Forks at the same time? What did you do in a past life?"

I leaned up and kissed her on the nose. "I think I have more than met my quota for wicked behavior in _this_ life alone. I am sorry to..."

Bella's fingertips on my mouth stopped my speech. And I wanted to do that pouncing part again, as I inhaled a gasp of her scent.

"Promise me you will not get too terribly angry?" She sounded almost scared. Why should_ she_ be scared when _I_ was the one confessing and in the hot seat?

"I promise," I whispered against her fingertips. And that whole fear thing, I am not shamed to say, made the rest of me behave.

Bella traced my right cheekbone, sighed, and said haltingly, "I kind of lost my temper with her before the party and made a bet." She sounded so ashamed.

I paused. "What did you bet Tanya?"

"I kind of ….bet her that she couldn't seduce you." Bella blushed to the roots of her hair.

I maintained a serene expression. "Very naughty of you. And what else?"

Wringing her hands together, she said, "Well, I might have told her the location of your party and I'm pretty sure I dared her to outperform the human stripper since I heard Lauren Mallory planned on crashing." Bella's words rushed out at once.

"Lauren did make a brief appearance. Tanya tried to have her turned."

"She would be the worst vampire ever."

"I agree. I arranged for her to wake up in drug rehab. Confused. Benedict saw to it."

I had to admit, however, that the idea of Bella sending Tanya after me showed a peculiar type of charm. She believed in me. And frankly, it was also strangely exciting. My Bella had a Machiavellian streak that I adored. I positively could not wait for the day to arrive when I physically could show her my appreciation of her betting and pay her back with interest. Most generous interest. Sincere interest. Appropriate interest.

"You are wearing a sinful looking smirk," so said the newly revived Starched Shirt Edward.

Now her sleep-talking of late took on an entirely new meaning. I felt bad about suspecting that Rosalie had been giving her a hard time. That policy of respecting boundaries and not spying, I mean watching over my family's mental hygiene, particularly my bride's, ended now. Did she not realize that I would walk on live coals to make her happy? There was no sacrifice that was too great for my love for this precious human woman who had changed my existence.

I gloated. Sometimes being a vampire with superior intellect made life too easy. Reason suggested this could work to my benefit, and I could emerge from this debacle looking like a wolfpire prince disarming. No _wonder_ my dear little deal maker acted so guilty. I decided then and there that I was going to be forgiving. First, I still had a lot to make up to her for after leaving her for all those months. Second, my recent behavior in the store _alone_ meant I had to hold my temper at last night's antics. And third and most importantly, if she figured out what I had planned on our honeymoon, I would need a vast reserve of good will to tap as I highly doubted I would be tapping anything else when I landed in the dog house.

"Bella, you have just had your first taste of the Cullen pasttime of extreme betting. Thank you for defending my honor with Tanya. I am humbled you think so well of me."

I was definitely not going to ask why she bet that I would reject Tanya. I was not quite _that_ stupid, especially with her perched daintily on my chest close to a delicate part of my anatomy wearing my shirt and little else. I knew where _that_ kind of question would lead, and was entertained at her enthusiasm in raiding my wardrobe. After I finished dying of desire, I was going to have to find a way to thank the Denali sisters.

The chirp of my cell phone from my coat pocket that hung on the bedroom chair startled us both. "I apologize. I forgot to turn the blasted thing off."

"Ugh, do we even want to know who's calling?" Bella sighed morosely. "That is why I turned my own phone off. Let the onslaught begin."

I managed to snag it. "Not calling, actually. Texting. Eric Yorkie sent me a link to his web page. He says that you and I would like what he has just posted."

With one mouse movement, I watched flabbergasted. I had found my new icon. I stared at the screen as if I sat in church wearing a look of sheer reverence upon my awed face. Bella sat beside me in worshipful adoration as well.

"Edward?" her voice cracked. "Can I see that again? I can't quite believe my eyes."

"Oh, most definitely. I would be positively delighted. We should authenticate it, you know. In the name of science."

Eric's next text produced a smirk,

"Hey Edward, because I like Bella so much I've personally uploaded the video of Newton to all our favorite humor web sites. It's now on YouTube and Ebaum's World. By the time I'm done with him, Mike is going to be a superstar."

That Eric already had a ruthless streak that meant running his family's businesses would be like child's play. I was going to have to pay to send him to get his M.B.A. when he finished his courses for his undergraduate degree.

Noting this glorious bit of news I wondered if Mike's misfortune meant that perhaps Carlisle's belief in God did possess merit. Surely this represented a sign of His munificence.

I, of course, felt the need to forward this proof of God's existence to my siblings. While I was at it, because of my high regard for the woman, I forwarded it anonymously to Mrs. Stanley and not so anonymously to Mrs. Newton.

Watching Mike in Tanya's not so tender hands almost made up for all the hellfire Tanya had unleashed last eve. Almost. Bella started laughing when Tanya lectured Mike about how to treat women. She brushed tears from her eyes with the back of her hand sniffling the entire time.

"That, Bella, is Tanya at her peak of devilishness. I kept her away from you because she acts demented."

"Was she _that _bad at your party?"

"Infinitely worse, I am afraid."

"Did Mike _seriously_ try to spank her?"

"Unfortunately. Mike does not have the survival instinct of a guppy in front of a white shark. And Tanya is definitely the shark."

"She totally owned him."

"That she did, my dear."

Grace began feeding me more images. Rest assured by the time I was done with Cousin Tanya that I was going to make the big bad wolf look like a cockroach. And I had to deal with Jacob Black on the way. Mushroom Munching Moron. I texted Sergei and asked him if he could be so kind as to pick young Jacob up from the forest floor and return him to the guest cottage guarded so he could not hurt himself. I used the shaman link to ensure that Jake would not phase. Sam had not realized that Jake was under the influence to the extent that he was and was mortified. Even John Quill was ok with what I intended on doing to Jake. Later.

Bella captured my attention from my plotting – I mean strategizing. "Edward, what are you leaving out of the story?"

"Do you remember that I told you that your pants tore because I was trying to remove something that was stuck to them?"

"Yes? What of it?"

"That something that was stuck to them was, ahem, a small part of Tanya's costume from the night she danced. She used superglue as an adhesive, which is why your pants tore. There is no reason that I know of for her to need superglue with her costume. So she probably put it there on purpose as a joke on me."

Bella groaned, covering her face with her hands as she saw the expression on my face at the mention of Tanya's costume. I could not say the word "pasty" in front of my bride unless referring to an immortal's complexion. She had a heart condition.

"Are you telling me I walked around Forks . . . like that?" Her voice rose, "And my _Dad_ knows? What was he thinking? Has he shot anyone? And oh, God, Grandfather Marcus! He's going to start killing people."

"No, love, all is well; although you do need to call your Father in a moment and assure him I have not locked you in the attic. We might want to obtain Mike's autograph now that he is a bona fide superstar." I changed the subject.

"Oh, I shouldn't laugh. I know how that feels. Poor Mike. We should call the hospital."

I checked my phone for other messages while extending my senses to check on the degenerate Mr. Newton. He was resting in his hospital bed, having just received the "safe sex" lecture of his life from his outraged Father. Jessica Stanley was in the waiting room doing the same awkward lecture with her parental units.

I recalled how much Jessica deserved her fate after hearing her shriek of glee and her uncharitable thoughts about Bella earlier during the unfortunate incident. Sometimes I really enjoyed watching karma in action. And besides, I could personally verify that Bella did not have cellulite. And even if she _did_ have cellulite I would love her just as much. I loved Bella for Bella. The fact that her lovely visage stunned me could not compare to the beauty I saw in her heart and soul. She could be bald with warts and duck feet and she would still be Bella. I did not think I told her that enough.

"Leave off the warts and duck feet, and definitely leave off the hair loss issues" Dream Edward pronounced with nostrils flaring, "it would kill the romance in the room."

When did he start channeling that snot Laurent?

I put away my phone and turned it off. "Emmett says that he heard that Mike is fine. Now where were we? Bella, I think we are off the hook."

That was the absolute truth. No one would be talking about Bella. Using my gifts to search the minds in the area indicated that Tanya and her sisters, Lauren-Stripper-Gate and Mike Newton appeared to be the talk of the town. I had never been so happy to see that someone in the world found my beloved's backside forgettable. Because I certainly did not.

And if I had to contact Benedict and call in a few favors, I had no problem sending him to every individual in that store for a personal "forget-my-hot-body" session because I would rather that no one remember the sight of my booty. I mean Bella's luscious – Whatever.

Jugurtha smacked me across the back of the head, "Focus on _her_; you are supposed to be rubbing her shoulders, not her upper behind." I moved my hands up as if scalded. I had priorities: calm my bride, get her to confess whatever was disturbing her, and then I was definitely going to have words with Tanya. I was angry enough at her that I actually looked forward to conversing.

As for my dear little bottle cap, shameless flattery seemed prudent. One of the things I found most endearing about her was that when I embraced her she seemed to lose the ability to reason. My motives were pure. I needed to find out what demons chased her in her mind. Anyway, I had long ago accepted my cold hearted bastard status. I could no longer stand to watch her suffer in silence.

I moved my hands to grasp her waist. I lifted her from my side, bringing her face level with my own, suddenly holding her prone in the air and simply staring at her. She held still in the air, looked surprised for a moment grasping my shoulders to steady herself. Slowly I lowered her body to lie flush against my chest, running my hands across the exposed flesh above her waist grazing her back with the tips of my fingers. I heard her gasp as she made contact with the skin of my hand. It felt so good to actually graze my fingers along her warm flesh. Overwhelmed with need, I reached behind her head with my right hand to bring her closer to me.

"Hate talking," I muttered.

"Mm God, me too," She answered. "Can we hate talking some more?"

Leisurely, I kissed her then on the lips, while rubbing circles in the small of her back. She moaned, as I began kissing her lightly from her temple to her jaw and made sure to worship at the hollow of her throat. I returned again to her lips. Shakespeare's sonnets could not compare to their beauty.

I rejoiced at holding her in my arms. After everything that we had endured, I still could not understand how God had chosen me to be in her life. And I did not feel like arguing with Him over the matter any longer. This was much more fun. My tongue traced the outside of her bow-shaped lips.

Heeding Father's words, for the first time I simply allowed myself to accept her love and tried my best to prove to her that I returned it. I pulled away from her lips, caressed the side of her neck with my hand, and whispered, "I do love you so."

I pulled her against me almost roughly and kissed her again, feeling on the edge of control.

"Steady there, my good man," Jugurtha warned. "Warning. We are about to call Mayday."

Why was he nattering about holidays? At a time like this?

Christ and all the . . .She nibbled on my lips! Which was delicious. Daring. And definitely a favor I could not return because I was sure she wanted to keep hers.

Bella recklessly threw herself into the kiss, placing her hands on either side of my head. She stroked my right cheek, running her fingers into the hair at my temple, slowly moving to trace my ear. I growled in response - the sound filling the room.

Bella froze. For a second, I think she remembered the grocery store. Her heartbeat increased and her muscles tensed. I immediately reacted.

"Shhh, all is well. That is a good growl. You have just become far too amazing at kissing for your own good." I chuckled and pulled away.

"Mmm can you wake me up like this from now on, Edward?" she whispered against me as I leisurely moved her shirt aside to kiss her collarbone.

"Bella, I plan on doing a lot more than this in the future when I wake you up." I moved away from her so she could see what I hoped passed for a mischievous smile.

Bella sighed as I moved away from her gently. She rolled to the side facing me.

"So what happened while I was asleep?" Bella asked.

"Carlisle and I went out for a short hunt. I daydreamed a bit. Do you mind if I ask you something?" Bella shivered under my touch. She nodded.

"What was going through your mind when you hyperventilated today?" I kept my voice sounding calm.

"I'd rather talk about how lovely dinner was," she verbally dodged.

"So would I, but that will not take away from the fact that you had a severe panic attack. And I am asking you as the man who loves you with all my heart to please level with me."

It took her an unusually long time to respond. "It was too much," she muttered.

"What was too much?"

"My jeans, the Volturi, the people in the store. I thought for sure the Volturi were going to massacre everyone then and there." The words poured fourth rapidly in a fountain from her mouth.

I remained silent, my face long schooled in the art of revealing nothing.

She trembled. "Then I started thinking back to that room in Italy. I remembered the screams."

I knew I had to say something comforting or she would stop talking. "That makes sense. It did happen one year ago today. Bella, everyone at the store is alive and well."

"Oh. Well that's good. I had images of them dying and it being all my fault. Then I kind of lost it." She relaxed fractionally against me.

"I need to know about the other ones you have had – the panic attacks - in order to help you," I soothed.

Bella would not look at me. I cupped her face and met her distant eyes. I pressed forward, offering her a determined expression.

"Do we really need to talk about this?" She started to sound defensive.

"Bella, if we are to be married there cannot be secrets between us."

Oh, now that was a whopper. But still. Morality was on my side.

"I know," she answered in a small voice looking away. Her heartbeat started to accelerate. I could taste the adrenaline of her fear.

"Please Bella, let me help you. I cannot bear to see you suffer like this. Do you remember the first episode?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Can you tell me about it?"

"Really, I don't want to remember." Tears were running down her face. I kissed them away, and pulled back to look at her.

Ruthlessly, I leaned to where my lips were right by her ear, "I can tell you, my dear, from personal experience, that when you sit on things like this, they fester and eat at you. I am not letting you up from this bed until we have talked about it. I have sat back long enough and watched you suffer. This ends now."

She pulled away from me with that stubborn expression I knew so well, "Sometimes, Edward, talking is a complete waste of time. They're not going away. It doesn't matter what I say."

"Bella, they will not go away until you _do_ remember. What happened the first time?" She was close to breaking. I knew the signs. I delicately ran my fingers in slow circles along the base of her spine underneath her shirt. At first she sucked in a breath. She started to relax as I continued massaging her. Bella sighed. Her eyes remained shut.

"Isabella, I need you to talk to me." I winced at my second dirty trick, using her full name. I was a cad.

"Coming back from Harry's funeral, I was driving and I couldn't breathe. I had to pull over to the side of the road." Her words seemed to be torn from her one by one as she whispered. She still kept her eyes closed.

"Do you remember specifically what you were thinking at the time?"

My hands continued stroking her back as if she had never spoken. It did not seem possible for Bella to appear more distraught. She opened her eyes briefly and nodded, tears coursing down her face. I moved my hands from her back and wiped at her cheeks.

"Bella, you can tell me anything. No matter what you say I will always love you. Nothing could ever make me stop."

Her next words virtually tore me in two. She trembled, looked me in the eyes, took a few deep breaths and continued haltingly.

"It was while you all were gone. I remembered when we…..in the woods…and how much Harry and Sue loved each other. You had said how stupid I was, how I did not think about my choices or who I loved. It hurt so much that he died like that, and to see Sue, and Leah, and Seth and know it was all because of _me_."

She heaved in a breath and the words fountained forth, "I was so angry that Victoria was coming after me when it was obvious you never loved me in the first place and your family dropped me the second you left. I did not see any way out for anyone but death at her hands. I was terrified she'd turn me. I feared that more than dying." Bella broke down and sobbed, laying her face against my chest.

Jugurtha said, "You must control your breathing and pretend to be calm and sympathetic."

"I am sympathetic."

"Yes, but you are not calm, and you must be for her."

I clenched my jaw, put on a composed facade, and asked, "So what happened?"

Her sobs had slowed to a point where she could speak. She had her forehead pressed against my chest and my shirt was soaked.

Bella took a deep breath and in a small voice said, "I snapped and started pacing. I was alone and no cars were nearby, but I walked to the woods and leaned against a tree. I took my inhaler and it didn't help."

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I know this is hard for you but you're doing a great job. Do you know how long this attack lasted?"

"No."

"Did you faint?"

"I wanted to, but no. God couldn't be that kind." She laughed bitterly. "Grace found me." Grace showed me what she had seen. The sight of Bella sagging against a tree clutching her throat pierced me to the soul. Grace had taken her home. I thanked Grace for caring so much for Sweet Girl.

"Do you remember what triggered the next one?" I gently shifted the topic.

I went to a safe deposit box that Liam had told me to go to in case of an emergency. He had left a letter for me with the truth in it."

Did the attack last as long as the other one?" My tone was businesslike.

"Longer. Mrs. Stanley found me. She drove me to the ER and sat with me until Dad came."

"I see. And the one after that?"

It took her a long time to answer. Finally she said, "When I saw Sue die."

I already knew about that one. I had gleaned those images from Seth and Leah's mind. "And we were not there to help you."

"Even though …..you didn't…. I tried to find you and your family. I spent hours at the library looking online. John had me call all your numbers. I did not know what else to do. The wolves were all so young. She killed so many of them. And it was my fault." She wept so forcefully she could not continue.

I cradled her head in my hands, and said, "Bella, I am so sorry that my stupidity caused such suffering. You are safe now. No one will ever hurt you like that again, I will not permit it. But you are also so much stronger now than you were then. _None_ of this was your fault. It was set in motion generations before either of us was even born." I hoped the physical contact would calm her, and wished with all my might that I could absorb her pain.

"I did not give you all Ephraim's journal when I first saw you. If I had only."

"Bella, we already knew a threat was coming. Victoria still would have found Jasper and then gone insane. That creature used you as a pawn. Do not let her win from the grave. If Harry or Sue were here they would have strong words for you."

"I know." She sniffed.

Something was off about her story about her attack today. I moved back so I could look at her. "Bella, I need you to think back to this afternoon at the supermarket. You did not have the attack in the store. You had it outside. What went through your mind that sparked it?"

"You don't want to know." She sobbed, "You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you. Bella, you cannot keep this inside."

"Fine. I thought you were going to dump me off at the farmhouse, grab your family and head for the hills because you had almost exposed your abilities."

"So we would all to into hiding?" Why would that bother her? She did not like people much more than I did. Well, conversing with them anyway.

"Not all." She whispered. "Last time you left me over a stupid accident. . ." her voice cracked and she coughed. "I thought you were going to run. Then I'd be alone again." She slammed her fist down on my chest emphasizing her words.

It required every bit of fortitude I had to pantomime impassivity. Bella's anguished eyes glared into my own for a moment before she took on a look of complete panic, like she had said more than she had ever intended. "I'm sorry, I . . ."

She covered her mouth with her hands, shut her eyes and wept. I could hear her heart rate spike and she started to hyperventilate. I took her hands from her mouth.

"Bella, sweetheart, it is going to be ok," I lied. I would do my best to make it the truth.

She pulled her arms out of mine roughly, rolled off me, and turned her back to me. She clutched her chest in that gesture I loathed, and struggled to breathe. Watching her weep without being able to comfort her with my touch was unacceptable.

I lifted her onto my lap and shifted her to face me. With her straddling me, using my hands to pull her legs around my waist, I put both my hands against her face and lifted her chin so she had to look at me. I kissed away the tears streaming down her face, shaking every bit as much as she was all the while.

I needed her to see my sincerity. Emphasizing each word, I said, "Bella, I am not leaving you ever. For any reason. And I could never hate you for simply expressing a legitimate fear."

She still was not breathing normally and, like as I had earlier today, I had her purse her lips and exhale. I put my forehead against hers caressing her side and arms and back murmuring nonsense to her. The time it took to calm her seemed interminable. Once her breathing had moved from the panic mode to something approaching wheezy normality, I continued reassuring her.

"Bella, did anyone ever tell you what Victoria's gift was?"

"No."

"She was able to make immortals crazed with blood lust in seconds. That is why Arria and Fergus lunged for you, Seth, and Leah at the party. It had nothing to do with the paper cut."

"But I was bleeding."

"She could do it without a drop of blood being spilt. It was her gift and she was very, very good at it. For her to even be able to penetrate an immortal of Arria's defenses, Bella, was audacious and showed how strong she was. Arria was beside herself. I knew if I did not kill Victoria that she would come after you again, and again, and again. My family, too.

When I left you, I shattered your trust in me and in our family. And I know that trust does not get repaired overnight. It is only rational for you to be afraid that something like that could happen again."

"No, that's not right; I trust you with my life." She sniffed, wiping at her eyes in a pleading tone.

"The trust you have shown me is far more than I deserve. We cannot pretend the past did not happen. And you should not feel guilty for feeling the way you do."

"It doesn't feel that way. It makes me feel like a horrible person." She glared.

"Bella, the nuns taught me in school that there was nothing wrong with feelings. That it was how you acted on them that mattered and gave them worth. You are not helping either one of us by keeping them inside."

"I didn't want to make you feel bad. You kind of have the market cornered on being hard on yourself, you know."

"What makes me feel bad is seeing you suffer and not knowing what is wrong or how I can help. We have to be able to communicate. It is no way to start a marriage."

Fine. I totally stole that line from Father. But still. And I was so going to Hell.

She jumped in my arms at the word "marriage."

"And I am counting the hours until you are mine legally in this land." I grinned at her and kissed her nose. For my efforts I received a tentative smile in return.

"The panic attacks are a problem that we can work together to fix. We need to do some exercises to help you. Would you let me teach you? Or would you prefer Rosalie do it?"

"It doesn't matter to me," Bella muttered. She was becoming embarrassed about crying I could tell.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Stop. Feeling. Guilty." I kissed her lips briefly after each word. "For being honest with me. It took courage, and I am honored that you trusted me enough to share."

I tried not to call myself the world's biggest hypocrite as my mind raced over all the things that I had, ahem, neglected to disclose to her. Like us already being married and sort-of-mated which would make my leaving her impossible. I pondered her words. Worse, I wondered what she had left out of her account. Trust had to be earned. Bella had feared I would leave her. So I needed to act fast.

"Bella, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

Her eyes were not as red. She appeared presentable seeing as I had been doing my best to fix her hair. Her clothing was suitable for the occasion.

"Marry me."

"I already agreed to that, silly."

"Now."

"What?" she stuttered.

"Reverend Weber, Angela, Mrs. Weber and their two demonic children are currently at their residence. I want to marry you right now. Ben is there, as well."

"Hah! Funny!"

Bella scoffed at me as I pulled out my cell phone, gently stabbed it to life and placed a call. Fate seemed to be on my side as I interrupted Reverend Weber lecturing a squirming Ben in his study.

I used Bella's cell phone to text him as Reverend Weber went to the kitchen to take the call.

Ben did a fist pump or five and yelled, "Angela!"

Revered Weber took the phone from his bewildered daughter. "Hello, Edward."

"Hello, Reverend Weber. I was hoping I could ask for a small favor."

"Yes?"

"Would you marry Bella and me?"

"I've already agreed to that, Edward. Were you worried that I would change my mind after today?" Lovely. He knew. Oh my stars. Upon examining his mind, I was going to kill Emmett. My family. How we had managed to blend in with polite society all these years occasionally was a complete mystery to me.

Jugurtha said, "The good Reverend's knowledge is even more convenient. Use it."

"No, sir. I am sorry to impose, and I hope that it would not be an inconvenience. I would like to marry Bella tonight. In your living room with your family and Ben as witnesses."

"Are you cancelling the formal ceremony?"

Words flew from my foolish tongue, "Oh Lord, I wish! I hate people. I mean being in front of them. I mean. . .we will renew our vows on that day."

"Is there a reason for the rush?"

"Yes. Events of the day, of which I am sure you have heard. I must protect her good name."

"Of course, Edward. Come over as soon as you are ready." He ended the call with a smile.

"Darling," he called to his wife over the shrieks of their twin boys, "we are about to have company. Again."

"Who?"

"The Cullens."

"Lord save me." Mrs. Weber laughed. "What now?"

"Edward and Bella are getting married."

"Angela! You need to change. Ben, borrow one of my husband's jackets and ties." She clapped her hands and people began moving as she straightened the living room.

I searched the house for my family. They were nowhere to be found nearby and frankly, this needed to be between Bella and me. Decimus waited downstairs. I apprised him of the change in events. He went and found the marriage license.

"You're serious," Bella said.

"Never more so. As much as I love you in my shirt, I think pants and shoes would complete that outfit."

"I'll change."

"Keep the shirt. It is adorable." I handed her a pair of jeans, and her shoes and socks.

"I need to dress up."

"No, you do not. You are stunning as you are. Time is wasting."

"Edward Cullen, I know you are not trying to convince me to get married without wearing a bra." She bit out each word through her beet red face.

"Heavens!" Without thinking, I opened a drawer I knew she used for attire and removed one – my favorite pink one. This was destiny talking.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our peach cannot leave the house without proper support. She would sag!" He sounded scandalized.

Jugurtha toasted him with a champagne glass of algae,– Dream Edward and the Beast from Chicago, too. "I quite agree, my good man. Think of her Cooper's ligaments."

Bella snatched it the bra from me like a newborn would a snack.

I found a tie and a jacket that suited, and called Eric Yorkie, "Can you meet me at the Webers' in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I need a best man."

"Wow. Sure. Be right there."

As we left the house, I handed Bella a heavier coat. Decimus drove and we were escorted by a delighted group of legionnaires. They were almost as excited as they were when facing screaming hoards of immortals they planned on hacking to pieces and toasting like marshmallows. They had not witnessed a wedding in . . . well, ages.

"Why now?" She asked as we approached the Webers' front door.

I did not think saying, "Because we were married exactly one year ago, so going through this ceremony is technically symbolic but I am happy to do so to prove my devotion to you. Happy anniversary!" would go over well. Instead I deflected with a question.

"Why not?" I knocked. "As far as I am concerned, we are married. I do not need a ceremony to feel that way. I am doing this for us." When the door swung open, I greeted the smiling Weber family and Eric Yorkie. I put an arm around Bella's shoulder. "And then there's the fact that I cannot wait to start the rest of our life." There. I confessed that we were married prior to that second wedding. Again. See? I could change. Honestly.

Douglas and Henrietta hopped up on my shoulder.

"Erm." Reverend Weber was not quite sure what to do.

"Meet our ring bearers." I handed each animal a ring.

Bella laughed as we passed through the front doorway.

"Decimus, we require witnesses." The legionnaires and Fake Canadian did an impressive job of acting indifferent.

"Of course," Decimus said.

"_Good luck, Edward_._"_ Marcus used the Marcus-vine.

"_Thank you, sir. Knowing how insane the women of your line are, I fear I will need it."_

Marcus laughed out loud at that sentiment. Quietly, he agreed. I was doomed.

I thought it might be nice to give my family a warning with my gifts since they were not responding to the texts I had sent in the car. Which was odd. I had been focused on Bella. All had seemed well when last I had checked. I doubted they would mind us slipping off to marry in such haste. Fine. Mary Alice might require sedation – but the rest would understand. Perchance I might have to bribe Rosalie to prevent her from doing something dastardly. Women were vindictive creatures when irrational, I had learned. Marrying Bella right now felt like the best decision I had ever made. So I was definitely running with it. My family would cope.

Except when I searched for Tanya and her sisters, I found something entirely unexpected. Emmett's jeep had pulled off the side of the road. Tanya and her sisters were out of the car and surrounded by Marcus' legionnaires. Father, Mother, Carmen and Eleazar were about a minute away and running at full speed towards the location. Emmett had texted them.

"What have we here? Did you have us stop to meet new admirers?" Tanya cooed at the cold-faced legionnaires. It irked her that they really did appear to be indifferent. She decided to zap a few with her power and leapt instead like she was shocked.

"Denali, I have a bone to pick with you," Arria said as she emerged from the crowd. Her brothers were behind her.

"I agree, daughter." Her Mother beamed. "You speak first. I insist." The Gorgon sweetly gave an airy wave of her palm. When that woman smiled, I instinctively wanted to pat my body to see what part of it had been stabbed.

Arria hit Tanya so hard she blasted through two record-sized Sitka Spruce trees.

Tanya moaned and pulled herself to the ground. Emmett had motioned for Irina and Kate to be still. As they were surrounded by armed legionnaires, and practical in the face of danger, that was not such a difficult feat.

"Can you tell me one reason why I should permit you to continue polluting this earth and not wipe out your kith and kin?" The Gorgon asked Tanya.

"Lady, who the hell are you?" Tanya spluttered and groaned.

"I am Marcus' wife. That is my daughter Arria. She is Bella's mother."

"Nice one. Bella's mortal. We cannot have young. And everyone knows Marcus' wife is dead."

Arria frostily replied, "Some of us can have young. Do you think we would claim her if she was not?"

I had never seen Tanya doing a goldfish impersonation. I did not think Tanya could be shocked. Surely someone had informed her of Bella's ancestry? Oh well, now she knew.

Tanya could take care of herself. They were talkers. I was not. It made perfect sense to me to let Tanya and my family handle this high-level diplomatic matter for now. With Emmett and Rosalie there along with Kate and Irina, I was sure her first meeting with Marcus' wife would be a rousing success.

Happiness roared through the empty mansion of my soul, and I seized it like the lucky thief I was. I had a marriage to attend. I said to Reverend Weber, "We hate talking, can we do the short version?"

He laughed. "I think that can be arranged."

I only just avoided performing a fist-pump or nine when Bella promised to love, honor, obey and cherish me and slipped the ring over my shaking finger. I was _so_ holding her to that "obey" part. She of the fierce eyes glowed when I quietly kissed her hand and slipped the wedding band over it. Devoutly, I answered Reverend Weber's question with a wholehearted, "I do. Definitely. Forever."

"I give you Edward and Bella Cullen," Revered Weber said to the clapping room. Angela and her mother were crying. Decimus appeared all vampire-misty-eyed, as well. I could have sworn I heard a choked off sniffle from one of the legionnaires.

Since we were in front of a man of the Cloth and his family, one that had recently been scandalized by my own relations, not to mention our guards, I gave Bella a chaste kiss on the lips. Resting my forehead against hers, I said, "Congratulations, Bella Cullen."

That really meant, "I love you." Since I had just promised to love her, saying it again would have been redundant. Now they were going to expect us to converse or something, and I was beyond words. I wanted to throw my prize - I mean my wife - over my shoulder and run straight to our mountain house.

My inner Greek Chorus leaned against the wall of the library. Starched Shirt Edward wiped tears from his eyes with a handkerchief, and launched into Schubert's _Ave Maria_. The rat bastard most likely wept because Reverend Weber was Anglican. I shook the minister's hand and discreetly offered him five thousand dollars. As he thanked me, he did not bother to look at the money and tucked it away in his pocket. Bella did that whole odd hugging-business with the female Webers and high-fived their twin boys who had managed to remain still for the ceremony after one raised eyebrow from one of the legionnaires.

Decimus brought out a bottle of champagne. After two years of chasing that infernal woman, she was at last legally wed to me in the State of Washington. Decimus brought out a bottle of champagne he had stored in the SUV. Ben handed me a shot of whiskey. I downed it without a second thought. And it tasted fantastic.

"Thank you, Ben." He handed me another. Why not? You only got married twice.

To Eric I said, "Thanks for being my best man."

Bella said, "Thanks, Ang, for being my maid of honor."

As I turned my mind toward the tête-à-tête between Arria, Vivinna, and the Denalis, I realized we were going to have to make a hasty exit.

_We need to make a stop on the way home_.I mentally showed Decimus and the rest of our guard an image of what was transpiring. And I definitely tattled to Marcus. And Aro.

"I'm afraid we must be on our way," Decimus smoothly said for me, reminding me of Horatio St. James saving me from social disgrace all those decades ago. Thank God. "We are late for another wedding party."

Reverend Weber would most likely believe that I could not wait to go and have marital relations with my bride – which would be a correct guess – I definitely could not wait. Yet wait, I most definitely would. First, I had to figure out how to perform my husbandly duties without killing my radiant wife or destroying the house by transforming into an almost forty foot tall fire-spewing, venom-slobbering wolf. Besides, she had no idea. That hardly seemed fair.

Sergei texted me that Seth had asked to see Jake. I had no objections and was surprised to see Seth walk into the room and strip Jake of being a wolf while the man snored. I had only taught him that ritual within the last month, and he did it perfectly the first time.

"What did you do?" Sergei asked.

"You don't need to worry about him phasing. He is no longer a wolf. I can't have drug users being armed with that much power."

"You are wise beyond your years."

Seth drove back to Charlie's to watch a football game.

Tanya appeared to be worse for wear at the moment, so with a happy sigh, I ushered my bride out the door, and climbed into the car.

Jugurtha suggested, "It is about time someone put the fear of God into Tanya. Lord knows she's spent centuries letting everyone else putting something –"

I glared at him.

"Never mind."

Soaking up the silence, I held hands with Bella in the dim interior of the car. I pondered what I should do to make damned sure that Tanya survived but received her just rewards. After all, I was a conscientious not-quite-human. And all was fair in love and war, especially when you operated from the moral high ground and wielded a veritable arsenal that I was quite sure Tanya had never seen. Shy I might have been, but when it came to Bella's welfare and happiness, I was about to make the earth shake in every way that mattered. Propriety said so.

My love at my side, my family gathering for a reunion down the street, I longed for another shot of whiskey that I craved as I girded my loins to face the succubae. Bella's wedding ring glinted in the moonlight and I could hardly tear my eyes from the revered sight. At long last she bore my name and that piece of metal was proof. It awed me thinking of how far we had come from the days when I had considered "my human" an endearment, skulking in the cold night outside of her room. Carlisle had told me once that he believed in the inherent goodness of all things formed by our Creator. In the darkness of my heart, I had scoffed at his optimism. Then Bella Swan crashed into my interminably miserable existence, seared the cynicism from my soul, and brought me kicking and screaming into the richness of new life. When she smiled at me, I dared to believe that anything was possible - that for her I could be a better man deserving of her regard. After all, her very existence signified a miracle. For a moment, in the air behind me, I could have sworn I heard the voices of Sister Claire and my Mother saying, "Well done." I could not agree more. Well done, indeed. Bella Cullen brought joy in every way that mattered and breathed life into a shriveled husk of a man, and left me in its place. I could not wait to begin showing her my gratitude and devotion because I sincerely looked forward to spending eternity in this realm with her by my side lighting the way.

**Please review – Edward is a newlywed. Sorta. He's nervous. Really. *blinks***

**It is after all, his wedding night.**

* * *

**AN: When I first started posting this story I did not have a beta. I have been going into the chapters on my own this entire time and trying to beta them on my own. Then I called in LJ Summers. *winces* So, you hopefully should find the front section better written. I kept the essential plot the same but gutted two okay fine three chapters and rewrote them from scratch and tried to clarify Tanya's characterization a bit more as well as Jake's. I've been working/editing like mad on the front end of the story at present to make sure that it's in line with the current characterization. So when you finish this chapter, you should be able to skim the front end and see the different meanings. And I've added in a few scenes here and there. *whistles innocently* *blinks***

**This really is the end of the Heart of Darkness Arc of Cullenary Coupling, folks. So your homework assignment is to go back and skim the front end. And notice what Bella knows, and what she ****doesn't**** know in terms of Edward's secrets. He doesn't mean to brag, but he's hiding a big one. Really big one. When I next post, we will start the final arc of this story which covers the fallout, the honeymoon, and (gasp) the end. Really. Expect Epic snark in a short arc. Stop laughing. I mean about the short part. Really. *blinks* I can be brief. Sometimes. **

**Snarky Summary: The Cullens visit Chicago and learn that Sister Claire was hiding from something vampiric. Mary Alice gains a new family member - and finds out the fate of her sister. Bella tries to seduce Edward. Fine. He ran like a world class sprinter for the nearest lake and then ran some more due to that strict exercise regimen that Marcus has him on - that Bella knows nothing about. Time passes. *blinks* Edward finds himself back in the present dreamily standing on the stairs and proceeds to try and pull his nuts out of the fire. He has a little chat with Bella, and boy does he learn a few things. So he has another chat with the Webers, Bella comes along for the ride. Douglas and Henrietta help Edward and Bella out as do the Webers, Ben, and Eric. Tanya and her sisters meets Bella's family. The other one. Tanya had no idea that Bella was related to Marcus. Neither Arria nor Vivinna strike me as the hair-pulling type. You? Tanya is in for boatloads of fun she did not pack protection for in the near future. And just between you and me, that girl-on-girl action she's about to experience will be hot. Quite possibly smoking hot. Just not how Tanya usually envisions it hot. Prepare to get bitch slapped to a different plane of existence, Tanya. A lot. So what else? Oh, Edward had a jaunt down memory lane and a conversation with a dreamy party (now you know whenever he said "pervert. Or Deviant" that he wasn't talking to you – and why he's got jerky sentences). We got to see the fallout from the battle, how Edward and Bella decided to talk about that whole sexin' dealio, her trying to seduce him a time or two. *sigh* Good times. And Edward having new and more perturbing performance issues. He cringes when I use that word. Fine. Edward, You are the biggest sparkliest peen of them all. Back to the story: he decided to prove his love to Bella by getting hitched. Now. She matters so much that he's willing to ignore that whole cat fight situation. He has better things to do with his hands. **

**References:**

The Angelus is a Latin prayer that is traditionally recited at 6AM, noon, and at 6PM. And yes, I am going directly to Hell for using it in this context. But still: http:/www (dot) trosch (dot) org/chu/latin-prayers (dot) html

For more on kissing:

http:/yahoo (dot) match (dot) com/y/article (dot) aspx?articleid=8952&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=708649

For the origin of the phrase, "Oh the humanity," read this: http:/www (dot) navalhistory (dot) org/2010/05/06/73-years-ago-today-hindenburg-oh-the-humanity/

Mayday is a distress call recognized internationally: http:/dictionary (dot) reference (dot) com/browse/Mayday

But it is also when spelled May Day, a holiday:

http:/dictionary (dot) reference (dot) com/browse/May+day

I picked Lucius' surname after reading this site: http:/www (dot) unrv (dot) com/culture/surnames-of-the-aemilii (dot) php


	67. Married With Issues

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Nine: Married With Issues: Hair-Pulling Has Never Been So Much Fun**

**Thanks to LJ Summers for the beta-ing. And Fantasy Mother for the snark.**

**Thanks to Pomme_de_terre for the pre-reading!**

**Douglas says hello! Pictures are posted on my ff profile.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.**

**Thanks to my muses. You have NO idea how much your support means to me and how it helps inspire me to try harder with each chapter: Siriusmunchkin, Viridis73, favludo, DawnStimsom, Solenoidbelle, Navarre, Jasper-replaces-Edward, Kristin Hazzard, For the Love of Emmett, Grasshppr36, redsoxlove, star574, Lady Dragona, Cindy Windy, Erica Keber, hunybmom, Edward's spouse, prettyflour, avidreader69, Mutt N. Feathers, PurpleMadDragon, love4allpplz, markieelizabeth, luv4edwardcullen, PJ Austin, nazgullover, JB30, writz, Angelbach, jmolly, u2shay, JaJiTaXx, angelari7, mamato, summerc79, VampireWeekday, twifam1, photogal, rabbit681, farsidelady, Rogue, Hecta, notmyself, pomme_de_terre, TwilightMomofTwo, akemi, Shemhazai, Merrisol, TraceyJ, fanfictreader83, vampiremom1221, ladymalfoy, sweetblood19, oldladytish, nutmeig, Fleuritup, stretheway, itanaru18, twaddles, MitziJani, Siamecho, Blue Canoe, mousekitty, and Schleprock.**

**Thanks to all for reading!**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Hello there, It's been too long. Let's see, about a month back I posted back-to-back chapters that ended the Heart of Darkness arc. Also, I posted a Christmas one-shot called The Gift that is only on here at ff on my profile. ****If you like it, please consider leaving me a review and/or putting me on Author Alert so you'll know if I post another one-shot - which is quite likely provided they are read. I'm at the part of the story where we are winding the plot to its crescendo and having to make the decision to include or not include, to one-shot or not, certain elements.**

**Exactly one year ago today Edward and Bella were pronounced mate and silent mate by Marcus before the immortal world in Oscan. CC Edward has never managed to get around to telling CC Bella that – although he's tried to hint at it a time or two as have various members of her family. Back to the story's present day - on *this* auspicious day, Bella had a bit of a problem with a shopping trip/homework assignment from Tanya gone awry at the Thriftway. And Edward was upset because his dear little algae lover had experienced a panic attack after he accidentally-on-purpose ripped part of her clothing off in front of witnesses. So Edward spent a few moments after a bracing conversation with his Father, thinking back upon his sins aplenty. **

**So when last we met, Edward had managed to get Bella to confess that she had nightmares about him prancing off into the sunset once again, taking all his (and her) family with her and leaving her alone. Awkward. That. Seems like Edward is still having to deal with the fallout from his not well thought-out death-dealing vacation and untimely episode of truth-at-the-time-telling. **

**Women. Always keeping laundry lists of your faults. The **_**second**_** you mess up, they pull the list out and you're roasted. Again. Memories like elephants, too. Main Edward has no idea where that rant just came from. He's pointing an accusing finger at me and insisting that he would never slander his dear little demented one like that, he means, his dear little bottle cap and that I made the whole thing up. Which maybe I did. heh heh. But I digress...**

**So Edward's plan of fixing his mate-although-she-doesn't know it - on the one year anniversary of Marcus announcing they were mates in a bloody ceremony that Edward still gets misty-eyed over recalling - is to ask Bella to run off and marry him today. Now. Bella thinks that is a grand idea provided she can be properly dressed. **

**Without his family in attendance. But with a full contingent of her guards. Eric Yorkie was best man. Ben and Angela were there and Rev. Weber performed the ceremony. And using his gift, Edward managed to detect a wee bit of a disturbance in the area also known as Tanya.**

**Oh CC Tanya, the problems that she has. See, Tanya and her sisters are still a bit miffed that their vampire mother was executed because she lost track of an immortal child she created, and it went on a rampage. I mean, really, so their little brother slaughtered a few cities or three. It was only humans. *sniffs* It's not like anyone **_**important**_** got chomped. *sniffs again* The Volturi executed poor loony Momma Denali and only just spared the Denali sisters because they managed to prove they had been shopping during the entire slaughter. So they don't like hearing mention of the Volturi and do their best not to talk about them at all, despite Eleazar having been one of their former guards. That totally doesn't count, and he keeps his mouth shut. No one with any sense gossips to them about the current Volturi brothers, either. And Edward has been so insistent that his beloved be protected from Tanya that the family has been awfully tight-lipped about her where Tanya is concerned. CC Bella had asked Marcus that her venom marks only be visible to immediate family – which meant in Marcus' mind, Tanya and her coven couldn't see them. So Tanya really had no idea about Bella's ahem, past. To her she was just a dull human that Edward had scandalized the immortal world by declaring that he would marry. **

**For the record, in this story CC Tanya does NOT love Edward - she actually sees him as appealing because he's emotionally unavailable. And no one ever tells Tanya no and actually means it regarding her ahem, charms. Except Edward. **

**So after causing chaos at the Thriftway and a scandal that most assuredly will eclipse Edward tearing Bella's pastie-adorned pants off -well **_**part**_** of her pants off – the devil is in the details...Emmett is driving them back to the mansion when his jeep is stopped by none other than Arria. And the Gorgon, too. Harpies. *rubs evil author hands together in unholy glee***

**Edward collects his bride and directs Decimus to speed to the location. Reluctantly. So as we begin, Edward is still talking to Dream Edward, and after recounting his epic tale of woe, dealing with Bella, and actually having to speak for an extended period of time, our boy blunder is whooped. Pooped. Tired. Mentally. So it hasn't quite occurred to him to tell the rest of his family (especially Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle) that he ran off and got married in the great State of Washington. Nor has it quite occurred to him that his Fake Sex Vulcan Pinch Nerve Plan is going to have to be moved up. A lot. **

**Things you might want to remember from past chapters that might help with this one? Go re-read the entire front arc. I re-wrote it. Well, parts of it. And you might want to take a gander at the Sword of Damocles chapter remembering that Edward has a Quileute power of being able to use emotion as a weapon that he's no longer allowed to use on Bella due to the Committee of Geezers and Geezeretts being offended and all. **

**As our chapter begins, Edward is just sitting in the car, ecstatic at being officially a husband, avoiding his husbandly duties (some of them), and his brain is pinging around like a toddler souped up on Kool-Aid concentrate due to stress. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Nine: Married With Issues: Hair-Pulling Has Never Been So Much Fun**

_"Stories have a beginning, a middle and an end. But not necessarily in that order." - Robert Silverberg_

As we left the Webers and headed our SUV toward Emmett's jeep, Decimus took the turns in the winding road in the cold night easily. The only light that pierced the inky gloom came from the accompanying SUV's. In them sat legionnaires who, while veritably misty-eyed that I had claimed my mate even it if was in a piddly human ceremony, were all kinds of excited to see what mayhem lay ahead. They had heard stories about Tanya. Lots and lots of stories.

To block out the lurid cogitations, my mind bounced back to the murderous intentions of Jacob Black. With marked reservations, I had conceded to leaving Jacob a wolf in the hopes that he would die a glorious death in battle as I had sincerely considered him too moronic to successfully urinate on a tree in wolf form, much less fight. And I had watched begrudgingly to see that, alas, he was not half bad as a fighter, and had improved under Jasper's thoroughly brutal tutelage. Young Mr. Black had saved Bella's life when I had been several States away tilting after windmills, and he valued being part of the pack. From reading his beady little mind, Jacob felt he was living his lifelong fantasy. And that his unlamented sire was looking down on him from heaven and smiling. This offered further proof, considering Billy had murdered at least five people that I knew of, that Jacob was either extremely optimistic as to the nature of a forgiving God, or a complete imbecile. Mushroom munching moron. I voted for the imbecile part. I definitely knew God was not forgiving.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "That is inaccurate. Why, if God hated us, would He put our dear little peach, who is now our wife, in our life? She now wears our ring, is in better health. Her very existence is proof of God's love for us."

"Because He has a sick sense of humor?" I mused.

Jugurtha snorted. The Beast from Chicago smiled as they high-fived one another at my jest.

Dream Edward held his tongue. Jugurtha pushed him forward and said, "You've gotten him to talk more in one day than he has in decades to all of us. Keep blinking at him politely and he'll speak more. So long as you guard your tongue, you are good for him." Perhaps he was right. I rather liked talking to the chap when he minded his perverted thoughts.

"That vile man, Billy Black," Starched Shirt Edward opined, "is most likely writhing like a worm in the eternal flames of Hell. Jacob is not old enough to appreciate it. Besides, the poor man recently lost his Aunt Paula. His sisters have tried to have him disinherited for being a bastard. He could not really murder you especially since he has been stripped of his power. And he was under the influence of drugs that scarlet cousin of ours fed him. I vote we let him live in peace. He is not going to try to take our bride because he is not even attracted to her. He'll probably shout for joy that she's married."

"Why should I listen to you?"

"I believe what he means to say," the Beast rumbled, while gesturing for Dream Edward to remain quiet - "is that Jake alive will help keep Chief Swan busy and occupied and out of our hair, seeing as we would like to have time to ourselves now that we are married. And Jacob's presence is healing for the grieving Chief Swan."

"Good point. Fine." I waved them away. Dream Edward seemed content to stare in a hand mirror studying his coiffure and the tuxedo and polished wingtips that he now sported in honor of our nuptials. He waved at me to continue talking to him. So I did.

I could not understand, aside from the influence of drugs, why Jacob would start nattering about wanting to trick my entirely-too-smart-for-him bride into believing something so moronic as him having imprinted on her. But if he could be a wolf, then anything could happen, right? I mean what were the odds of his late aunt being home-invaded by vampires and European werewolves and turning from afar every person in the tribe with a wolf gene? From what I could gather from his drug-addled brain, Jacob had to give his late unlamented father his dying wish and marry Bella. It didn't matter that he wasn't attracted to her in that way. He could fake it. Guys did that all the time. Imbecile.

With schemes aplenty bubbling in his dim little drugged-on-mushrooms mind, I had watched him out of morbid amusement. And I most definitely was not a metro sexual, having had that term explained to me by a laughing as he typed out his message Emmett via text. Jacob planning on killing me– not that he _could_ mind you– was the last straw.

Extending my gift into the wolf mind, the entire tribe knew it and waited for the hammer to fall. That was why Seth performing the un-phasing ceremony on Jacob a few moments back while he slept was such a moment of poetic justice. I did not have to lift a finger. No one would blame me. It would appear that the tribe had handled the matter. I needed to buy something marvelously extravagant for Seth. Like a small third world country or two. Even better, no one had bothered to inform Jacob of his de-wolfed status – another masterful move on Seth and Sam's part.

"You must be tired. Why else expend this much cognitive time on Jacob. You just married Bella. Again. Hello!" Jugurtha waved his fingers in front of me. Right. Good point. Bella. Focus on Bella. She made life worthwhile.

I thought back to those endless teas that my human Mother had thrown. All those years ago, I had felt like a failure because while pleasing to the eye, none of those young ladies caught anything but my boredom. None could compare in any way to Bella Swan.

Presently, she seemed so happy sitting by my side peeking at her wedding band. I was not about to ruin that by flapping my lips. So I patted her arm, and enjoyed the silence. And I tried not to jump when she started fingering mine. My wedding band, that is. Pervert. I was never taking it off. I had worked so hard to earn that golden ring.

Jugurtha tapped me on the shoulder and flipped through my schedule, "While you sit here, blissed out at finally being married in a human ceremony to Bella having meandering ruminations about your accessories, your cousin is having her head handed to her. Now might be the appropriate time to intervene. Why not ask Miss Grace to catch us up on recent events?"

Oh. Right. I squeezed Bella's hand as the car sped towards the scene. Arria and her Fake Canadian troops had stopped Emmett's jeep which had been returning to the mansion bearing the passengers of Tanya, Kate, Irina, and Rosalie. And fine, perhaps Arria and the legionnaire-accompanied Gorgon had chewed out Tanya while my Parents, Jasper, Alice, Carmen, and Eleazar had sprinted for the scene.

Tanya, with her antics, certainly deserved public humiliation galore. I supposed I should look for a few moments. For crying out loud! Talk about lousy timing. Bella snuggled against my shoulder and smelled even more delicious than usual, her hand rested against my coat. I was on my honeymoon. Couldn't Tanya pick a different day to almost permanently die? My cousin had issues.

Grace summarized, "Yellow-hair laughing mean slut fights poor." Her English had improved lately.

I winced at the term 'slut.' Perhaps it was accurate.

"Whores don't charge," Jugurtha reminded me.

"She is a hussy," Starched Shirt Edward sniffed. "Who has slept her way through the ranks of many of the covens world-wide. She is probably ecstatic over the Lost Covens coming out of hiding so she can torment more men."

The Beast tsked as he looked down upon the fight. "I would agree with that nomenclature."

"Grace, please catch me up on what else transpired?"

So she did. My Grace could be succinct when she wanted to.

About a mile from the road side, surrounded by frozen trees and un-amused soldiers, Irina, Kate, Rosalie, and Emmett stood as Arria belted Tanya again.

My brother marveled how that Arria woman had a mean right hook. The fact that Arria was left-handed made me fear what would happen if she actually managed to use _that_ hand -on my face - as she had threatened to do so a time or two if I ever caused her daughter distress.

Vivinna peered up at Tanya who had landed half-way up a nearby Sitka Spruce, dangling like a mashed Christmas ornament, "Arria, can you think of a single reason why I should let this whore live another moment?"

Young To Me Old Power, as I used to think of her, smiled like a child at Christmas in a room full of unwrapped presents. "Yes. I'm quite enjoying teaching her manners. She fights like a girl."

"Two can play that game, sweets." My cousin straightened her hair and swung away from the branch. Tanya leaped to the ground and took a swing at Arria, who ducked, smirked, and backhanded Tanya with mortifying ease. Did I mention that Arria towered over Tanya? And by the looks of it could probably outfight my cousin with one arm strapped behind her back? I mean, I had seen Tanya fight and she was talented in battle. But she faced Arria Telecles and did not appear to understand the amount of trouble that she had brought down upon her shoulders.

The Gorgon shook her head in disgust. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to finish what Aro started all those years ago when he destroyed your fool of a coven leader," Vivinna tutted in mock sympathy.

Tanya did her best to hide her terror. She was older than Arria but no match for her, despite landing a few blows. Arria might actually have stood still for a millisecond out of charity from her reaction. Scratch that. Arria Telecles did not have a charitable bone in her body – most especially where the welfare of her daughter was concerned and someone had sinned. Tanya was toast.

As he, Mother, Carmen and Eleazar arrived at the scene Father attempted to intercede. "Vivinna, perhaps we should discuss this at home."

Jugurtha said, "You really should intervene, Mother is worried. We cannot have that. And if Tanya died, Irina and Kate would sulk and we like them. Carmen and Eleazar would also be upset."

Sitting in the car as we took a sharp corner, I sighed and held Bella tighter. So I used my gift. To show my family and the Denali coven all that Miss Grace had seen of Tanya's plan regarding my dear little one. Perhaps it would be an understatement to say that my family was angered. And I might have accidentally included the sex with Jacob part because Tanya deserved it. And can I just say ew? How could she stand the stench? Oh wait. She had lived in Elizabethan England. But still. She had sex with Jacob Black - Mr. Quileute Limp Down Under. For information? Who did that? All she had to do was smack him a time or two and he would have sang like a canary.

"_I'm not lifting a finger,"_ Rosalie decided. _"She earned this."_

Emmett kept a blank expression and watched. Kate and Irina knew better than to so much as twitch when encircled by that many legionnaires. Carmen, Eleazar, Mother, and even Father, would have probably set records for how quickly their tempers took alight. Jasper decided to sit back and watch the entertainment. Mary Alice's thoughts were too disturbing to repeat. Seriously. She wasn't even using her gift to see if Tanya would survive.

Father sent out his thoughts to me. _"Edward, are you nearby?"_

"_A minute away." _I answered. _"Grace is helping me communicate." _I had not bothered to explain to my family that I had a range of being able to read minds that exceeded eighty miles. That could make them nervous. I always attributed any expanded gifts to Grace's assistance, which technically was true.

"_See if you can use your gift to assist Tanya. I want her alive so we can explain to her that Bella is off limits, when you are doubtlessly done shouting at her." _Father ordered angrily.

Yes, sir. I had the most amazing Vampire Sire of them all. He let me yell at Tanya.

Slipping inside of Tanya's mind proved no challenge. She was too terrified to even detect me, and it's not like that woman ordinarily took precautions about anything except the welfare of her clothing. I supposed I could not let her meet an eternal death. I wanted to have a happy anniversary. I had new family values to appreciate. Tanya could die tomorrow. What time was it? I counted off the minutes to midnight.

"_Tanya?"_ I said to her mind.

"_Edward?" _She silently gawped, hunting for me in the surrounding crowd of soldiers, unable to see my face.

"_Repeat after me if you want to live, and please do not argue for once in your life."_

"_Got it. Have I mentioned how hot you are when you are assertive?" She joked. But her mental voice broke._

Parroting my words, Tanya said aloud, "I and my sisters are the only ones that can control the newborns. You know, your new daughters-in-law, step-mother-in-law, and sister-in-law." She added that last part, but I did not disagree with the line so did not complain.

Vivinna paused, pursed her lips and cocked her head to one side, studying Tanya like a prime piece of meat at market with a rancid portion.

"She has a fair point made," Arria conceded with an elegant shrug. That did not stop her from smacking Tanya again. "By the time I am done with you, sagging will be the least of your worries, you vain creature."

This was getting out of control. I did what any reasonable man would. I tattled again to Marcus and Aro and ten of Tanya's lovers that actually had power and were nearby. They – the former lovers – ran as if spurred by legions of demons to Tanya's rescue, thinking of unseemly rewards. Gross. Why were men so fascinated by fellatio? Especially Tanya-delivered fellatio? Hadn't they heard of poor Attila? Never mind.

The clamor from Aro's horrified mind became difficult to ignore. If Tanya died, Aro's wife's potential pastie supply would, too. He wanted to grope Tanya at least once, mentally speaking of course, before he let his beloved sister kill the annoying wench. I sighed. That family. All about killing. Could they not try playing poker? Or Monopoly? Wait. They already played Monopoly. Just with real properties and lives.

Despite months of practice, as visions of Bella's tear-stained face bombarded me, my temper began to slip. Tanya did not appear to be properly sorry - just aghast that she had been caught. I intended to remedy that deficiency. Posthaste. Hezekiah had forbidden me from using my Quileute ability to send my emotions to Bella after explaining that it had originally been intended to be used as a weapon, not a . . . token of my esteem to my mate.

Having been properly instructed, I had used it during the battle with Maria's forces. And I decided it needed to be dusted off this wintry night. Tanya needed a dose. So with Grace's assistance, I blasted Tanya with a quick overview of how it felt to see Bella crying and shamed. As she was rolling on the ground, when she began coalescing green light and grabbing her head and screaming, Arria decided that I must be having my turn and actually gave Tanya a few extra seconds. And fine. Perhaps I showed Arria what I was doing. We fought well when we worked together.

Father thought to me, _"Edward, what are you doing? You can yell at her later. I'd like Tanya to survive the immediate present."_

"_I am merely showing her how much pain she caused Bella, Father. Tanya will survive."_

Back in the car, I used my Quileute gifts. "Darling, we need to pay someone a brief social call. I'm terribly sorry about the timing. Could you loan me some power?" I said to my delighted bride.

"Um, sure. But make it short, buster. I'm kind of tired. And behave. No turning into a wolf." Her hand began to shine. I spirit-walked my way into the scene. My family sucked in breaths of shock at the misty sight of me. Grace crooned behind me.

Addressing the Gorgon, I gestured towards Tanya and her sisters. "My cousins have already begun to make amends. I believe you have made your point, Madam, Arria."

Vivinna actually appeared emotional. "Youngling, they shamed Isabella before our kind."

"No. I did," mournfully, I replied. "They had a role in what they did and _did not_ do. But I should have shown more care with Bella. The fault is mine. Please, let them be. Our family has a long history of playing jokes upon another in front of humans. We have never involved Bella in them. The prank was intended for me. Tanya had no idea that I would over-react. She does not know of my new nature."

"_What the hell, Edward?"_ Tanya said to my mind. She has the gall to get indignant on me for hiding things from her?

"_I have a bone to pick with you later about your treatment of Bella," _I growled at her in the privacy of our thoughts and blasted her with my rage. Tanya curled into a ball on the ground.

Aloud, I said, "Tanya, I have new gifts. And it has made me experience a newborn period these past few months. I am only now getting control of my emotions. When I lose my temper," I blasted the fallen trees nearby into splinters causing almost every immortal to jump in consternation. Oops. I did my best to maintain a straight expression as Tanya and her sisters were now coated like candied applies in sawdust and pine needles. At my nod, Grace blew them off of Irina and Kate. Tanya brushed at her arms and hair.

Arria said to my mind, _"Well played, Edward."_

"Cousin, I become irrational when Bella is distressed. My abilities become more amplified." Having spoken entirely too much for nine lifetimes in one day, I decided I was just about done talking.

Besides, I had done my part. My family was all kinds of upset. Rosalie's face froze as she stared at my cousin as if imps had appeared from Tanya's toes singing of spices from lands long dead.

"Were you in on this?" Jasper asked Irina out of professional courtesy. He already knew the answer by her emotions. Evil Jasper wanted to see if Irina would stand by her sister in public or not.

"We had no idea this would happen. We thought she was playing a mild joke on Edward that only he would appreciate," Irina said. "I would never try to shame Bella like that. Or Edward."

Eleazar stepped forward. "On behalf of my coven, I do offer my sincere apologies for Tanya's behavior. She knows better. Her fault is in treating Bella like any other immortal in the family. And she had no idea of Bella's history. I had not been able to take her aside to tell her because we have all been so busy repairing our lands after the damage that Phoenix caused. They have been at one property, Carmen and I at the other."

Vivinna sniffed at Tanya, "And do not ever send females of any kind to my husband as gifts."

"_Husband? _When did Marcus marry?" Tanya wiped at her eyes and straightened her rapidly healing broken nose. From everything she had ever heard, his late wife had been a mouse.

"Over a thousand years ago you foolish child," Vivinna offered a wintry smile.

Marcus and his wife carried on a blazingly fast by vampire speed conversation via the Marcus-vine. Something that went along the lines of, _"Beloved, I am on my way. Please do not kill that slattern or her siblings, Edward just married Bella in a human ceremony to cheer her spirits. Tanya's well-earned demise would distress our granddaughter." _

"_Husband, Bella needs to become accustomed to our standards."_

"_You have been proclaiming far and wide about how marvelous she was in taking on Maria on her own with little more than a cheering speech of support from my erstwhile Mother. Bella has more than proved her mettle. And we cannot ruin Edward and Bella's happy day with venom-shed. Especially since Bella actually likes the Denalis. Besides, that Tanya woman has been chasing after Edward for decades. I am enjoying watching him discipline her. Why don't you be the first to announce Edward and Bella's marriage to her?"_

"_Very well, husband_._ But that will not stop me from toying with the Denalis until you arrive."_

"_All is fair in love and war."_

That was all I was willing to repeat of their conversation to the vastly amused Dream Edward because even I had standards.

Arria matched her Mother's expression in glacial power. "Bella is my _daughter_, Marcus' granddaughter. By all rights, you should be in pieces at my feet burning. You do not get a second chance, family, newborns, or not." She left the field of battle without a word and walked over to stand behind her mother.

"Vampires cannot have human children," Tanya scoffed, dazed.

"Most cannot." Vivinna looked at Tanya in mock sympathy, a dig that, judging by Tanya's stiffened shoulders and tumultuous thoughts, was well-aimed. I had never realized my cousin had wanted to give Alexander the Great a child. How sad.

I said to the minds of the Denalis, _"Didyme was a foolish nickname that Aro gave his sister. Since no one dared speak her name around Marcus, over time people came to think that was her real name. Do not even think of saying that nickname aloud unless you want to die. Her real name is Vivinna and everything she just said is true. I thought you knew. Sorry."_ I ignored Tanya's gaping.

Back in the physical realm, our car pulled up to the scene. Decimus parked behind Emmett's jeep.

"What is going on?" Bella asked.

"Tanya just met your Mother and Grandmother for the first time."

"Oh, is that all? Why here? Why not at the house? Is this some immortal thing?"

Jugurtha observed, "So, the Telecles clan is not linking Bella into their feed - I mean mental feed. Not _feeding_ feed. Interesting."

"They have the good sense," the Beast from Chicago said, "thanks to Marcus' gift, to know that you are recently wed and should not be disturbed."

Gulping, I said to my little bottle cap, "They know that Tanya was involved in the grocery store prank. And your Mother and Grandmother and Uncles are not amused."

"Well, she _did _get Mike back." My bride seemed exhausted to me. Today had been an ordeal for her. Unfortunately, there was no time like the inconvenient present to have to tell her the truth. Well, part of the truth.

"She also arranged for the . . ." I choked "for your pants to be adorned with her costume."

Bella's face fell. "Oh." Then she jerked upright in the seat and reached for the door. "For crying out loud, Arria will kill them all."

Decimus had it open as she scrambled out into the cold air. We picked a good time to arrive because King Larce, Aranthcar, Vel, and the newborns arrived. Each woman clung to the arm of their mate as they joined Bella's irate uncles. Even the newborns were not amused.

"Precisely," I said to Bella, "That is why we are here. Put your Telecles game face on, my dear. Things could get bumpy." We alighted from the car and I moved at vampire speed with her in my arms.

Bella exclaimed, "Hey, how are you glowing up there when you are here with me?" She pointed at my form across the way.

"Spirit walking. Learned it from your Mother and Hezekiah."

"Nice." She whistled. "Any other unusual talents you have that I need to know about, husband?"

_Husband._ I wanted to shout at the jubilation that word falling from her lips created in me.

"I'll never tell," I said in earnest.

What? That was the truth. I had no intention of traumatizing her, especially at such an inconvenient time such as this, surrounded by yapping immortals. Starched Shirt Edward actually nodded at me and sighed. Even _he _understood the problem. So there. Besides, she discreetly kissed my ear after her remark and laid her mouth close by my neck, which was all kinds of . . . magnificent. I did not want to interrupt her when she was being improperly affectionate with me before snotty aristocrats and my family. I had priorities. Sometimes.

Vivinna stared at Irina and said, "You have long had the reputation of being the smartest of the bunch. Talk to your sister and cease indulging her like a spoiled child." To Tanya, she proclaimed, "You will join me tomorrow along with your sisters. You will dress appropriately for the audience, or I will ensure that your wardrobe is altered. We must begin educating my family's new mates on aristocratic manners. Methinks you could use a reminding of them as well. I expect you to be exceptional apprentices and early for your lesson."

As we walked into view, I made sure that all could see Bella's Fitzflock for a few moments before masking them. The Denalis were floored now that they saw the birds, the same ones that were emblazoned upon the attire of the legionnaires perched upon Bella's spirit.

Vivinna sweetly extended her arms to Bella and said, "Granddaughter, congratulations on your recent marriage to Edward. Child, you make me so proud. Will you show me your ring?"

"Of course." Bella answered, startled at the hug Vivinna gave her.

Gently, the Gorgon released my bride after examining her hand. She turned to me. "Youngling, welcome to the family."

It caught me off guard the mental shouting from my family. Mary Alice reminded me how cold it was so I made sure Bella put her gloves back on.

"_Oh. Man. Buddy. A little notice?" _Emmett mentally shouted at me.

"_We can handle this." _Jasper almost tried to calm me before remembering his vow. I nodded at him that I was perfectly in control. Well, I was.

"_You ran off and eloped with out inviting us?" _Rosalie shrieked behind a serene face.

I expected the whining from some of the lost covens. Tanya and her sisters were surprised, to say the least.

"_Congratulations, Edward," Irina sent her wishes to me privately. _

Kate thanked various deities that I had finally wed.

"About time, son." Eleazar said aloud.

"Bella, you already are our family, but it gladdens me to see you and Edward take this step." Father carefully embraced my wife and passed her to a beaming Mother.

And on that note, Tanya simply vanished in a black cloud.

Marcus walked through a portal, accompanied by scores of his men. "Darling. _What _did I say?"

"I did nothing." Vivinna actually appeared startled and sniffed at the disappearing cloud of energy. "She's not talented enough to vanish on her own."

I searched through the minds of Tanya's legions of lovers that were within range. None had arranged this, although many in the area stared suspiciously around at the others. The Ukrainian from the bachelor party was particularly peeved. Apparently he had a previous engagement with Tanya that now would have to wait.

Bella tugged at my sleeve, "Edward, we need to pay a social call."

"Now?"

"Most definitely. Now."

"On whom, dear heart?" This was our wedding night. I wanted to whine.

Jugurtha cleared his throat, "About that..."

"Not now. Talking," I waved him away.

Bella said, "Great-Grandmother Gaia has Tanya." The immortals around us shouted as whispers of Gaia's reputation spread like the plague.

Upon hearing this, Vivinna actually giggled up at Marcus. "I have to hand it to your Mother, beloved, she has exceptional timing. You know I had nothing to do with that."

Marcus actually smiled at her.

I suppose saying, "So?" in the Telecles style to Bella regarding Tanya's current whereabouts and odoriferous company would be rude. But I thought it, regardless.

As he flipped through the pages of my planner, Jugurtha said, "This fits in with our agenda."

"How, do tell? Me - being newly married and all - making a visit to that entity that has conveniently hidden from us all these months past."

"You jumped the gun on the wedding - although it _was _a romantic gesture."

I had no memory of bounding across firearms. "What are you nattering about? Did you take over his body?" I pointed at Starched Shirt Edward who squawked in umbrage from his prayer bench.

"That's impossible," Jugurtha snorted.

Starched Shirt Edward crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "I did not. But he is right. We cannot have marital relations. And we are married!" He wailed and wrung his hands enough to make Lady MacBeth envious. "We almost turned into a forty-foot tall beast at the Thriftway we were so disturbed today. How will we avoid killing Bella when our manly parts are aroused? Our dear little one has no idea of our problems. She has expectations that we will perform our husbandly duties in the manner that she deserves. We are out of time!"

Oh. That.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Tanya gets bitch-slapped. And her schooling, it seems, has only just begun. Edward revels in being married and pays a short visit to prevent Tanya from being turned into ashes before he can do the job himself. And now, it appears that Tanya is in the tender clutches of the Priestess. *sniffs* Ash-blocker. Speaking of sparkly and not so sparkly blocking of an entirely other nature, it just occurred to Edward that Bella might expect to have, ahem, a little somethin' something' AKA hot steaming epic sex. Tonight. He's shaking in his boots. **

**Damn.**

**Please review, Edward needs the assurance. He's a nervous newly wed with performance issues.**

* * *

**References:**

This is a picture by Alexander Matev, that I liked for the fight scene. http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/ (dot) jpg

**Swan picture: ****http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/winterswansonalake (dot) jpg**

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/AftersnowstormbyIslander (dot) jpg**

**I've shown this picture before, but some of you may have forgotten. Meet Violet Gorgon. Ignore the name on the picture – I just liked the image.**

http:/www (dot) quizilla (dot) com/user_images/C/CR/CRA/Crazy (dot) Kitty/1136300894_DLauraPicturesMaylis (dot) jpg

**And this is an Italian actress that comes to mind when I think of Arria. **

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/Arria (dot) jpg**

**And this is who I have in mind for Tanya:**

**http:/i953**** (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/rosamundpikeasTanya (dot) jpg**


	68. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Bold

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Ten: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Bold**

*****This chapter contains violence, vulgarity, sexual content, and epic snark*****

**I'd like to offer my deepest thanks to LJ Summers for beta-ing this chapter. Thrice. Professionally. Thanks also to prettyflour for the beta-ing, and inspiring me to add 3k words of snark.**

**Happy Birthday to Fantasy Mother! She is posting her sequel to Across the Universes. Go read it. And ask her to please return Douglas whom she has squirrel napped! She claims that she is currently keeping him entertained with hooker chipmunks wearing red stilettos. *sobs* Save Douglas!**

**Thanks to everyone for reading!**

**Shout outs to my muses: Siriusmunchkin, campyrs, JB30, prettyflour, star574, CindyWindy, Viridis73, PJ Austin, hunybmom, RosalieSmiled, Kristin Hazzard, Mutt N. Feathers, luv4edwardcullen, farside79, Erica Keber, Angelback, Lady Dragona, mamato, writz, jmolly, u2shay, TwilightMomofTwo, Squirt, Hecta, peggytje, Vampire Weekday, JaJiTxXx, Rogue, TraceyJ, marsy-cat, fanficreader83, Merrisol, twifam1, rabbit581, photogal, favludo, akemi and summerc79. **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, I was originally going to call this chapter "My Great-Grandmother can beat up your Great-Grandmother. No. Really." But it did not have that zing to it. Last time we gathered, Edward impulsively eloped with Bella in a desire to show her how much he really truly does love her after they had a heart-to-heart talk. Romantic. That. **_**Ay yay yay**_**. *fans self* And then Tanya had to go and be the proverbial monkey wench - I mean - wrench by getting waylaid by the world's scariest modern day highwaymen and women. Oh. God, **_**the women! **_

**Bella's Mother, Arria, is certainly a Cold One. I mean it brings a drop of venom to her eye thinking about how she gave up dismembering Victoria so she could leap after her daughter and save her from a watery death. Now THAT's love, Telecles style. So having heard via the Marcus-vine of Bella's traumatic day, and having done enough snooping around, I mean detecting, Arria does what any grown woman would do. She goes running to fetch her Mommy. So they can both get into a roadside brawl with Tanya. Arria most definitely plans to cut a bitch. But first she wants to toy with her. Truth be told, Young To Me Old Power is sniffing that Tanya punches like a girl and can't even land a solid blow - I mean with her fist. I mean with her fist to the face. But she gives her credit for gumption. Arria's not trusting Tanya with a vampire blade for fear she'll hurt herself. Tanya is offended because she has serious skills with her hands and she's not just talking in the bedroom *coughs* because she DID, after all, survive the Alaska wilderness battling against that troll Phoenix. She's just been busy playing pranks and getting her groove on at the Thriftway and can't these aristocrats understand that she was **_**just kidding **_**and **_**Edward was her target? **_**JEEZ! Evidently, a sense of humor does not run in the Telecles line. Or breasts. *Tanya narrows her eyes* Oh wait. Arria heard that. *watches as Vivinna belts Tanya like a gnat* Sigh. Women. Crazy, every last one of them. Especially mine. I mean my characters. I mean **_**some**_** of my female characters. The rest are merely eccentric?**

**So this little dust-up that Tanya has caused has created a diplomatic headache for Carlisle. He has been quietly lobbying for Bella to be exempt from many of the expectations of a Telecles heir – you know, little things, like murdering enemies at family bonfires and undergoing tortuous rites-of-passage ceremonies. Edward's inability to keep his hands off of Bella's assets in public throws that in jeopardy. And then there's the little fact that many covens in the VampVerse would dearly love to off Edward so they could have Bella married to one of their own and not some forty foot abominable wolfpire. She's human, right? She can't *really* be mated to a whatever-the-heck-that-Edward-is. Right? *scoffs***

**You might want to recall the marriage bargain that Bella and Edward made in About That Marriage Business which is different in scope and context from the books. And you also might want to remember that chat that Marcus had with Edward warning him that as the mate bond connection between them repaired/grew that both would feel *clears throat* increasing desire for one another. Not Marcus and Edward. Pervs. Bella and Edward. It would also benefit you to skim the Rules of Engagement section of the story to see the guidelines that Edward has been imposing upon himself and his mate. So from poor Bella's perspective when she finally lets Edward kiss her, well, it's **_**nice**_** and all, but he doesn't exactly make her faint with orgasms. So she's confused. And it's not like there's a Barbara Streisand-Neil Diamond duet of "You Don't Give Me Orgasms Anymore" that she can play around him to give him a clue that his puckers don't pack the punch they used to. Edward's been blathering to her about "respecting her virtue," and CC Bella wishes he would respect her by getting rid of her vir -. . . never mind. She is sexually frustrated, and most definitely wants to jump his boner - I mean bones. After her lessons with Tanya, she positively can't wait to show her hubs a little bow-chicka-bow-wow respect - if you know what I mean. *cracks whip* She's going to make him scream. Lots. Her name. She hopes. **

**Which brings us back to Edward, who has just realized that Bella's going to expect a Real Wedding Night. Tonight. He thinks. And he neglected to tell his family he was eloping before he ran off and did it. The married thing, not the other It. I mean, he thought to invite **_**squirrels**_** – and included humans as a best man and maid of honor. Why not drag along a few family members as well? Now if only life would cooperate because he's the world's most desperate virgin. In more ways than one.**

**I mean, really, how do you look at your beloved dear little bottle cap and say, "Aside from that whole desperately wanting to chomp your neck business and drain you dry like the last orange on a scurvy-plagued ship in the middle of the ocean, sexual arousal, well, it makes me . . . horny AND hungry. Really, really hungry. Oh. And. Um, I have this perplexing problem that when I climax, I cause earthquakes, shatter glass for miles around, and flail around like a demonically possessed octopus smashing anything nearby into microscopic pieces. Oh, and now I turn into a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot wolf that just wants to destroy things. No worries. But if you really want to? I'm all yours. I can't wait to taste you. Can you be on top?" Um. . .**

**Things you need to remember from past chapters that might help you with this one are as follows. It would help if you have read the one-shot Bella and the Priestess. One year ago today, Marcus announced that Bella and Edward were kind-of-sort-of mated back in Italy. Officially, it counted as an immortal marriage ceremony. The vampverse, however, given Bella's human status, would like to disregard that or find a loophole in order to seize Bella for their own coven. Edward even had a memorable encounter with Bella's didn't-even-know-she-had-one ex-fiancé: Lucius AKA "Luscious." Edward is all kinds of upset that for political purposes, he has not been allowed to smash the man like a rotten grape beneath his boot. And that Hezekiah had to smack Lucius around to get him away. Embarrassing. That. **

**Also, because Bella had a heart condition, the family refrained from telling her about that whole mated-for-real-life dealio and left it up to Edward to break the good news. Marcus has refused to lie to her and has told her she's mated without using the exact words. Folks, Bella honestly has no clue that she is mated because her only experience with that concept is a) learning about Liam and Eve who dated for forty years before having a really bad breakup when Eve mated with a vampire; and b) she was standing there when all the newborns took a gander at their mates for the first time. She and Edward certainly never behaved like **_**that**_** the first time they saw one another. She remains, therefore, biased by her experience, and clueless. So it was one year ago today that Marcus pronounced them mates, and in Edward's mind, being an atypical man, he thought it would be more efficient to have the same anniversary date and all. So they eloped. But he is still suffering from an acute case of chickenshit-itis and has yet to tell Bella that they are mated. Or sort of mated. Edward has been waiting for her to heal her fragile nerves. His, too. And he also in his heart of hearts, wants her to choose him. Of her own free will. Without being told, "Hey, little mortal girl. Marry me. We'll be happy despite me acting like a douchebag twenty-two chapters ago. Vampire physiology says so."**

**We find our lovers observing the bitch slap heard round the world, and Edward realizing that he kind of sort of metaphorically screwed the pooch on that Vulcan pinch nerve fakeout-makeout-on-Isle-Esme plan. Now he has to figure out how not to have sex tonight. Erm. Oops. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Ten: Vengeance is a Dish Best Served Bold**

Control. I exhibited the perfect example of wolfpiric discipline as I stood in the emotionally charged forest facing irritated Telecles harpies. I mean relations. I would not jump my stunning bride. Especially in front of her family.

It was our wedding night. That meant I could finally make love to my wife. Yet, if I followed her expectations, my much fantasized caresses would result in explosions of passion, glass, earth, and quite possibly blood and more exquisitely yummy blood. Drat.

Bella appeared tired. It was getting late. I would have to dither while fetching Tanya. It seemed the coward's - I mean the prudent thing to do.

Sensing the desperation I mightily tried to conceal, Jasper handed me a wad of that algae paste. It had the consistency of semi-frozen salt-water taffy with none of the taste I remembered from being human. Gratefully, I took it. I had the best brothers. They helped me avoid sex with my bride. Even when I wanted to have it. And that whole leaping upon her and nibbling on her neck dealio, too. With food. Disgusting food. But still. It was the thought that counted.

With clenched fists, Father glared at the winding trails of black energy that dissipated from the frozen ground where our cousin had most recently stood.

"Edward, bring Tanya back to the house, preferably in one piece. We shall await you there." Father's clipped words suggested haste would be the best course of action. I could tell he was irate that Gaia had beaten him to the punch. Father was full of surprises. Mother simmered beside him, already planning a ladylike tirade. That Tanya, always having to be in demand and an attention whore to boot. What? That was totally fair.

I said to Jugurtha, "Please note in my calendar that I am never to make Mother and Father that angry. Their thoughts are positively vicious. And most definitely un-parental at the moment."

"Duly noted and recorded." Jugurtha scribbled. "Take Bella's hand. You should be on your way."

Arria gobsmacked us all by stepping forward and hugging her equally flummoxed daughter.

"Bella, are you well?" She actually sounded concerned. Like a normal Mother: albeit one armed to the fangs with moss on her chin.

"Yes I am, thank you," Bella whispered into Arria's shoulder. Her mother stepped back and examined her daughter head to toe - for what I am not sure.

"Congratulations are in order, I understand." Arria offered a genuine smile and hesitantly caressed her daughter's cheek. Proof number two that demonic spirits had overtaken my Mother-in-law. She appeared concerned for a moment before adopting a blank mien.

My own Mother looked on in approval, positively misty-eyed despite the raging at Tanya.

"Mark this day in the Family Bible," I teased Jugurtha. "Arria is acting like an almost ordinary Parent, minus the barroom brawl with Tanya."

"Our dear vampire Mother has set a good example for her," Starched Shirt Edward primly observed.

"Thank you all for defending me," Bella stammered to Arria and the Gorgon.

Vivinna beamed as she leaned against her husband, "Always, dear child. Always. We care for our own. Daughter, you have moss on your chin." Except when we lose them for a thousand years and are too proud to ask our Mother-in-law for aid. Arria rubbed at her face with a cloth provided by the Gorgon.

"Edward, Bella," Marcus warmly suggested, "I have no objections should you care to pay your respects to your Great-Grandmother and inform her of your marriage and remind her of the other ceremony date." He handed me a sealed envelope. "Give this to her." It was one of our wedding invitations. Some people held grudges entirely too long. How could he not invite his own Mother until now? Oh. Never mind.

The Beast from Chicago's smoke form expanded, "To be fair, she has been hard to locate these past few months as she has been recuperating from her battle with Maria." True. That.

I felt the crisp paper in my hand adorned with a gyrfalcon wax seal. That appeared to be a subtle cue for me to depart. I could take a hint. Sometimes.

Bella placed her fingers on the forearm of my coat. Borrowing some energy from my dear little determined one, I covered her hand with my own, and away we went.

I expected to end up in the dank cave. Indeed I braced myself for it, thankful that I had several inhalers and epi pens aplenty on me to care for Bella's poor wheezy lungs. Instead of the dank hole, we stood in sunshine under a grove of ancient trees - olive by the look of them. There was no sign of anyone. Wherever we were, the warm air felt like spring. We both removed our coats and gloves.

"This way," Bella said. Gyrfalcons - the real ones - shrieked a welcome and took to the sky, soaring above us. What were they, vultures of doom waiting for their turn at Tanya's carcass?

"How do you know?" I mean, really, I could not sense anyone, so how could s_he? _

My dear little algae lover pointed. "Those birds guide me."

"Have you been here before?"

"I've dreamt of it. But I've been here, yes."

We passed rose trees heavy with dangling blossoms. Gaia must have studied Bella's garden at the farmhouse. She had recreated the wisteria arch. A breeze sent me a bit of Tanya's stench, quickly overwhelmed by the fragrant purple flowers. Two fell into Bella's hair as we passed under the tangled vines. She took them, sniffed at the petals, and stuffed them in her pocket.

"This was when you cut your deal with her?"

"That would be the time. Her name is Gaia. You could use it, you know."

"She really must like you," I grumbled, "Because I got to greet her in that putrid cave."

Fondly, Bella smiled. "It was kind of sweet. I know I am not good at talking. She seemed out of practice and lonely. She worried that the cave would hurt my lungs. If I had to guess, she probably took Tanya there and, when we showed up, moved them both. Is there an immortal version of Lysol?"

"That sounds exactly like something your Great-Grandmother would do. But she is definitely going to leave Tanya reeking. The Telecles family motto should be, 'The spite never ends.'"

We both perused the landscaping. This design put the Hanging Gardens of Babylon to shame. Bordered by pink azalea bushes, magnolia trees laden with white flowers against green waxy leaves now surrounded us. Gaia had spared no expense, in pulling out the welcoming mat for her Great-Granddaughter. I even spied a meadow filled with avalanche lilies and purple lupine.

Starched Shirt Edward sniped, "We have no idea if those pagan plants even existed in that alleged wonder of the world. No one knows what they looked like, either. So how can this be better?"

Jugurtha shushed him. "Do shut up. Ruining the moment here."

Roses curtsied at gardenias while jasmine vines crept up and embraced the ionic columns of a white building. They even had yellow marigolds. In the midst of this splendor, on the other side of six hedgerows, Tanya sat on her knees, forehead planted to the ground. Gaia stood before her, wearing that Telecles creepy calm mask the entire family implemented with lethal acumen.

Noting our presence, Gaia subtly extended her right palm. Her lips moved at a speed I could barely process while she spat words at Tanya. It did not take a genius to figure out that Gaia wanted us to stay silent and remain where we were. When she stepped towards her Great-Grandmother, I pulled at Bella's shoulder and kept her at my side.

"She wants us to wait here." I said.

We had interrupted what appeared to be a rather frosty chat between the Priestess and her reluctant acolyte.

A gyrfalcon landed on a hedge to our right. I heard the rustling of leaves nearby. They parted as if moved by a shade's hand. A white wooden bench appeared on the other side of it. Oh? I supposed this was going to be an extended lecture. I led Bella to the bench and we sat side-by-side holding hands under the shade of the trees. The leaves closed once we passed through, forming a solid hedgerow to my left.

"Real Husband, what is going on?" Bella whispered.

Husband. I liked the sound of that word falling from her lips.

"I don't care if she's older than the Alps, that woman is smoking hot." Jugurtha all but leered at Gaia. Which should scar me for life. "Gotcha," he smirked before I could complain. "You can't seduce your wife in the garden in front of present company. It would be tacky. If Gaia cleared off, I would totally recommend you jump Bella. Tanya might learn a thing or two. And I've always wanted to try making love _al fresco_."

Dream Edward huffed at Jugurtha and said, "Talk to Bella." Oh right. He still wore his tuxedo.

I said to Bella, "With Gaia, I can honestly say I have no idea. Somehow, I doubt they are exchanging pleasantries. The women in your line are not exactly easy to figure out."

"Don't I know it." She wrinkled her brow and watched.

Bella traced the gyrfalcon mark on her neck and fiddled with the medallions. "So I guess Tanya never knew about me."

"She only knew that I was seeing you, and that you were my singer."

Bella tsked. "First rule of warfare is to know the field. I'm shocked."

"First rule of people who _lose _is that they _think_ they know the field. Tanya is indeed astounded. She cannot wrap her mind around the concept of who you are. "

"Because I'm not as pretty as she is?"

Dream Edward frowned.

Where had my dear little one obtained the idea that she was not beautiful? Perplexed, I stared at her, the crown jewel of my life.

"None of that. You are stunning and the only woman in my existence that I will ever love." I stroked her cheek, trying to take the sting out of my words. "In Tanya's mind, no one is capable of being as beautiful as she believes she is."

"That I noticed when we met."

I selected my words with care, "She never managed to form a lasting relationship with a human, so she cannot comprehend how someone as quiet as me could. Also, she cannot understand how you exist."

"Well, that makes two of us. Grandfather Marcus said the Volturi experimented for decades with _in vitro _fertilization and it never worked. Don't get me wrong, I know Grand . . ." she swallowed, "mother Genevieve was smart. But she never left any notes about her work. Even Liam did not explain how I came to be. Or my brother before me. The one who died."

If not for my enhanced hearing I never would have heard: "But I thought she liked me."

"Tanya does. That did not stop her, however, from playing a prank on me. I embarrassed her last night when I turned her down before an audience of immortals. She's been trying to spin the dancing at the bachelor party as a stunt for the past few hours. Lauren's antics have helped with that story since the mortals are repeating it."

"Why would she care? It was a bet. She lost."

"Because of Tanya's reputation of never being turned down."

Bella snorted. "There are better things to do with eternity, don't you think? Reputation my ass. Tanya toyed with you in public and crossed the line. Had you lost your temper in the store. . ." She covered her face. "I'm sorry. I never swear. It's vulgar."

Jugurtha said, "It probably just occurred to Bella that her homework assignment from Tanya - the one we are pretending to be ignorant of - could have backfired. Take it easy on her. Keep the focus on Tanya."

"I am afraid, my Queen, that I have no idea what you are talking about." I mimed confusion. "I agree. My Bella never swears. But I share responsibility. Had I been paying attention, you never would have left Charlie's house adorned with Tanya's, ahem, costume." I still could not say the word _pastie._

Given the choice, I would have preferred to stay far away from the unpleasant conversational topic of my temper. Yet, I could not bear it if Bella was afraid of me. After all, she had good reason. I had hurt her before in the fight with Phoenix. But still. She had never seen me as a wolf, but had heard stories of the battle.

"Marcus has been working with me these past months, as has Hezekiah, to help me with my control so I only phase when I want to." That was the absolute truth.

Bella changed the subject, waving her hand "Great-Grandmother looks like she's tearing Tanya a new body part."

"Actually, she's probably tearing her _two_."

"Can you hear what she's saying?"

Perhaps I fibbed. I did not think Bella wanted to see that side of her Great-Grandmother especially while she chided Tanya for her loose morals and sexual shenanigans. "I have been paying attention to you. We are sitting out of normal range."

Jugurtha said, "If she is going to be Gaia's student, then she had better be a quick study. Stop shielding her."

Bella's hand lit up with white flames. "Try now, buster."

_Yes ma'am._

I made sure that Bella could hear what I did, sending the sounds to her mind using our growing bond.

"You may look up, now," the Priestess said. Tanya lifted her head from the grass cautiously and remained seated on the ground. She peeked at the soaring architecture of the marble building wondering where on earth she was.

We both did a double-take as something appeared in front of Tanya. The image resembled a creature from a horror movie - a crone, sunken face spotted with age, grey hair yellowed, matted, and trailing down her back. Her withered arms covered with sagging skin bent like twigs. Her eyes were milky blue, fogged over with cataracts. Drool ran down her chin as she smacked her toothless gums together.

"What is that?" Tanya pointed and attempted to sound merely curious and utterly failed, "And no offense, but who are you? I'm busy being yelled at by others and I am afraid they will think I fled. Would you mind sending me back?"

'_That_ is you. The others are of no concern to me as I outrank them."

Tanya airily waved, "You must be joking. I look nothing like that." Wearing a coat-hanger smile, she patted her hip to be sure. "No offense, but for a garden this spectacular, something stinks. Did you plant a corpse flower by chance?"

"You would appear that way if I aged you to your actual physical age." Tanya shrieked as she looked down and from her thoughts watched her body began to shrivel under time's cruel caress. "That fragrance is you."

Tanya sniffed at her arm, revolted.

Gaia continued, "For so long you have used your wiles to act like a tyrant. Attacking Bella was outrageous. She is my great-grandchild."

"But she's human? And you are not." Tanya did not hide her bewilderment.

Gaia dodged, "Aside from knowing she is under my protection, what Bella is should not concern you."

"Madam, I did not attack her. You can hardly blame _me _for Edward's antics."

Actually, Gaia could and she did. Oh, my cousin. Defiant to the last drop of venom.

Oozing earnestness, Tanya insisted, "Why, I went down to the store to take attention from Bella and create a bigger scandal - which I assure you I did. I have tried to make amends."

The Priestess acted as if Tanya had not spoken, "You knew his powers have him behaving erratically because you have personally witnessed it. Yes, I can read your shallow mind. What a life you have wasted on vanity and useless men. And your preoccupation with Edward? Pathetic. I am here to help you with that problem."

"How?"

"Everyone else will see you as you appear in your immortal state. Until such a time that I believe you are repentant, and have learned from your mistakes, you will see the crone that you are. If you deviate again, you stay the crone forever."

Mind racing, Tanya considered asking about the stench and decided to plead her case instead.

"All this over a joke? We do them all the time in our family." Tanya's voice shook. From her thoughts she was terrified to behold her own body.

"Not in front of immortal audiences of strangers, you do not. You wanted to ensure that word spread. You even had the gall to arrange for Marcus to be there and you are lucky he did not kill you on the spot. We both know you timed her store visit. Edward could have killed all the humans including Bella, you foolish creature. It is beyond me why you seem to think I possess a sense of humor."

Tanya said nothing for a moment before sighing. "I accept that what I did was poorly planned but I did not mean for Bella to be hurt. Edward is so observant; I thought he would figure out the jest quicker than he did. I apologize for my behavior."

Gaia's face remained unchanged. "That is a beginning. I have someone who wants to speak with you. I shall leave you two alone." Gaia walked away. A young man stepped out of the dark shadow left by a hedge.

"Alexander!" Tanya threw herself at him only to crash through his form against the greenery. _That _ looked like it bruised more than her tremendous ego. She reached out again and heaved a sob when her arms failed to make contact.

"Saving my wife and son in the way you did was the most selfless thing I have ever seen you do," he said warmly as she rose shakily to her feet, brushing leaves and stems from her hair. "You have my thanks."

"Everything I did, it was all for you. Your line lives on, hidden from your enemies. I have done my best to watch over them without drawing notice."

Alexander sobered. "I have recently married."

"Whom?" Tanya did not bother to disguise her distress.

"My wife." He said that as if Tanya was a simpleton.

Not that she had been exactly faithful to Alexander during all this time. So her chiding him about the institution of marriage seemed a tad unfair. I hoped that when you died you were able to make love to your wife in the afterlife.

"At the rate we are going that is the only way we will be able to. Lord, if we are not careful we will die married and a virgin." Starched Shirt Edward began praying to Saint Jude in obnoxiously loud Latin.

Jugurtha patted him on the back. "Now, now, my good man. A little hasty. We much have faith that your good Lord will provide, eh? Now keep the volume down; I need to hear Tanya. She appears to be about ready to throw a hissy fit."

"The one I saved by faking her death who then up and died on me anyway? _That_ wife?" Tanya rubbed at an age spot on her arm that only she could see. She winced as Alexander sniffed and backed up a step.

"Yes. We realized we did suit after all. I am happy, Tanya. It saddens me to see what you have become. I hope you can re-discover the woman that I once loved. I am not worth the sacrifice you made and continue to make. I love another and have moved on. I hope you find the same happiness. Perhaps a bath or two might help. I've smelled soldiers at the end of campaigns that smelled better."

He vanished with a teasing smile.

Tanya fell to the ground. She huddled on the garden and sobbed. One would have thought that she was a victim laid out on the Aztec altar about ready to have her heart ripped from her living body. I am sorry to say Tanya had horrid taste in men. What a mountebank.

The Priestess reappeared and finally allowed us to approach. Bella was correct; Tanya did indeed reek. The winds blew the stench in the other direction. "Child, you should not be here," Gaia said to Bella. I offered the Priestess the envelope. She accepted it and tucked it away in her robe.

"Great-Grandmother, she is my friend."

"Friend? I beg to differ." She raked Tanya with a caustic glance. "If that is her idea of friendship, I can only imagine her idea of being in a family."

"But she _is_ family," Bella countered. And with that she proved that the women of the Telecles line were all certifiably insane as she fell into the proverbial frying pan and joined their ranks.

"What she is, dear child, is egotistical. She hurt you."

"It was a joke that went out of control. I had a part in it, too." Bella said to her Great-Grandmother's feet.

"How?" Gaia asked.

"I lost my temper and challenged Tanya in the first place to play a joke on Edward. I, ahem, bet she could not seduce him."

Gaia scoffed. "That's not a fair bet. Excellent." Tanya and I both gawped.

"Um, thank you for standing up for me. I would like to take Tanya home if that's ok. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I am not perfect."

Gaia sounded bored. "I have finished with her. For now. Run along. We'll work on developing your conscience in our next lesson."

Magnificent. I could not wait to hear what that entailed. Planning the mass slaughter of another coven? Making voodoo dolls of Tanya and stabbing her in the solar plexus? I had just learned that I could never have a disagreement of any kind with my wife for fear of being tackled by her outraged female demented relations. Marvelous. Since I rarely spoke anyway, I figured I could handle that conundrum.

Gaia waved an arm and Tanya's wounds completely healed from her earlier disciplinary punching fest with Arria and Vivinna. She did nothing about the pea coat that had a sleeve ripped off, or Tanya's torn sodden clothing. "Bella, I need to borrow Edward a moment."

Gaia put her hand on me and although we remained in the garden, it was like she opened another room where the two of us sat facing one another on the grass.

"Madam." I was definitely an idiot in some aspects of my life, but even I knew better than to disrespect Gaia. I fiddled with my wedding band.

"You require schooling," she said cantankerously. "Abysmally."

Her words caught me off guard, "In what regard?"

"Covering your tracks from others more powerful than you. Your domicile reeks of power. I can only assume my son is using you all as bait without having the courtesy to inform you."

Ice began forming across my chest and it became difficult to breathe when I saw the severity of her expression. "I think I have shown that I am capable of protecting Bella."

"You are not yet. That Lucius slipped through barriers that I made, Edward, when you were attacked."

That comment gave me pause.

Menace unfurled from her lips. "My children. My grandchildren were hunted like animals because of a prophecy that caused the other gods to shake. Marcus refused my aid because he was an irrational newly bitten vampire. You saw the bodies."

She waved a hand and they reappeared in front of me. Time dragged me back to that alley in Chicago on a bone cold winter's night that had been littered with the corpses of two young boys and the dying body of a nun. As horrific as their deaths had been – in comparison to Marcus' line? They had died easy. The children, even toddlers had been put to the sword.

"I could not take them until they were on the edge of death," Gaia's voice shook in rage. "I had to watch," she spat. "_This _could be Bella's fate. The only way that Lucius could have reached you was if he had someone as powerful as me aiding him."

"Will you accept a new student?" Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward, the Beast, and Dream Edward all inclined their head in agreement with this decision.

"I believe I have another opening."

"No more dangling my wife before demons." I wagged a finger at her.

"She did that for you." Gaia sniffed. "Not that you appreciated the gesture."

"What?"

"She feared you would lose control of your gifts if it came to a proper battle or ambush and could be harmed. Turns out she was right. You almost perished."

I blushed til my ears burned.

Jugurtha chortled, "Well, I'll be. Bella lied!"

"Beg pardon?" I asked him.

"That whole, 'I was tired of waiting for Maria business,' she deceived everyone to protect us. What a woman!"

The Beast, who had been in Jugurtha's cave, emerged and said, "We get to protect our fearsome reputation while she takes the heat for being young and audacious for a human fighting immortals. You have her well trained. She's an ideal mate."

I asked Gaia, "Aside from prissy aristocrats, who else is after us?"

"Forces powerful enough to kill my kind a thousand years back while I looked on powerless to prevent it. I will not make that mistake again. What is the phrase that humans like to use? The gloves are off." Gaia brushed at her skirt. "I killed their leader a few weeks back."

"Who was he?"

"_She_ was my elder sister."

What do you say to that? _Congratulations? Mazel tov?_ I thought my family had issues.

"Edward, they are now your family."

Rats. I erected stronger barriers around my mind. If Marcus could not read me, I doubt she could if I was careful.

"You are no use to me as a vampire. I'm giving you a choice. You can become human. I believe you have always wanted this."

Now that was a whopper. Good thing I have been prepared by my committee of Geezers and Geezerettes for mind games like this. "What terms are you offering?"

"I get Bella."

The words rushed from me like water from a broken dam. "No. Absolutely not."

"So you are telling me without a pause that you are refusing my generous gift? You could lead a human life, have young, die, see your human family in the afterlife." She sounded so reasonable.

"Madam, you waste my time."

She leaned closer and met my gaze, "You might have everyone else fooled, but I know that you hate what you are, Edward."

"Perhaps, that is true." I granted her the point, and gulped, "I love Bella more than . . . I hate myself. I will get over it to have her at my side."

"Yet you will rob her of her humanity?"

"You cannot steal what is freely given. And the choice has been made; it is out of my hands. The mate bond is too much for her to bear as a human."

"What if I let you take her scent?"

"And walk around smelling myself? Ew. No. She is my mate. You can take her scent and keep it."

"Your mate bond can be changed. Neither of you will suffer from the separation. I'll even add in money."

Now that offended me. I bit back a growl and started to shake.

"Stay strong," Jugurtha shook a fist.

Starched Shirt Edward gasped, "That pagan goddess is tempting us. Can we send her to the Devil now?"

I said to them both, "No. She is family. Marcus would be annoyed. I have a feeling if she went to Hell she would scare Satan and take it over. Besides, we can withstand her ploys."

I crossed my arms and glared at the Priestess, "I am not selling my wife so she can be your brood mare or for any other reason. She is my wife. I love her above all else. My love for her has no price."

"Edward, I am with child. I have no need of a brood mare. I carry boys. Three of them." Gaia bared her teeth in a grin pure with motherly malice. "They already take after their father."

I affected a nonchalant demeanor, "Is there anything else, Madam? I must get back to my bride."

"Congratulations."

"For what?"

"You passed your first challenge."

I scoffed; it was no contest. I had been roasted by masters of manipulation in the form of my Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes.

"You just might do." She actually beamed as I scowled.

"Very funny." I waited for Hezekiah to burst from a shrub.

"I did not mean it as a jest. I could give you your humanity."

"With strings I find unbearable. I could not endure life without Bella and I cannot protect her as a mortal. Or my family."

"Edward," Gaia said as she touched my upper arm, "you are more than a guard dog. I have watched you and seen the family. They value you because of your spirit, not your brawn or your gifts."

"Thank you." I had no idea what else to say.

The Beast said, "Perhaps we should run our problem with our venom research by her? I doubt she could be shocked."

"Absolutely not!" I ignored him and paid attention to Gaia. That was a wolf power issue. It's not like she caused it. And some things a man had to figure out on his own. Since Hezekiah had not been able to help me much beyond telling me to practice ahem, researching my control, that meant I had to figure it out on my own.

The Priestess snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. "Now we have a lesson to learn on covering our tracks so that we cannot be found and making stronger shields. Listen up, boy." She whispered instructions in my ear. Marcus had one scary Mother.

"If you believe I am scary, as you call it, wait til you meet his Father."

"Who is he?"

"I believe the humans call him Ares."

I snorted. She did have a sense of humor, after all. That was good. The god of war.

"Gods don't exist. Everyone knows that."

Starched Shirt Edward did a fist pump from his prayer bench and shouted, "Yes! He can be taught!"

"Vampires do not exist. Everyone knows that," she responded placidly.

Oh. I am afraid this stretched the bounds of my ability to think. I could see Bella descending from perhaps a batty demon or three from the Catharnai side. But a god? And a goddess? My brain reeled. That Marcus. He definitely had hidden depths. And insane ancestors.

Awkwardly, I cleared my throat. "I was raised to believe that there is only one God."

"I am not here to argue with you about that. You could think of me as a prophet, if you like. One more powerful than me has assigned me duties. I possess powers others do not, and have a long life."

"How did God let your children die?"

"How did God let the children of Job die?"

"You have read the Bible?"

"Edward, I am not completely uncivilized. Of course I have. The first commandment says that, 'you shall put no other gods before me,' not that no other gods exist. The entity you know as God did not destroy my family. Others did using their free will. He did nothing to prevent it. Just as He will not interfere with what I have done."

"What have you done?"

"I plan on having many more children. Also, my husband killed three others today. I believe we have made our point."

"Who were the three people?" I sure hoped she meant people and not children.

"They were clans linked to a god or goddess. He eradicated them all today including the deities that sponsored them." Never mind.

"Are we at war again?"

"We are. The stakes have never been higher. This is why you must learn and be vigilant. Lucius slipped past even my barriers once. That is not possible for a mere vampire to do."

"Well, he did it. And the Gorgon," Gaia's lips twitched at the nickname for Vivinna, "killed some female helping him."

"So that's what happened to my other sister. Vivinna shows potential. Perhaps Marcus did not err in marrying her."

"Your sister. A goddess?" I stammered.

"You seem to object to that term. But yes. I come from a large family. One that has shrunk lately thanks to me. I did have another sister."

"You killed your own _sister?_" I guessed by her expression.

"She was the one that cast the final vote condemning my children and my grandchildren to die. I had to beg for at least one child to survive. She was the one who insisted that I had to separate Marcus and his mate for a thousand years and only bring back four of the vampire sons. Of course I killed her. I had to when I saw Bella."

"Why?"

"The other gods and goddesses let Marcus live because he was sterile. Clearly, his line still lives and breathes. I am pregnant not only because I desire more children, but because I want to give them something larger to worry about than my recently brought back to life grandsons or a frail human girl."

With the fervor of the newly converted I exclaimed to Jugurtha, "I am so biting her tonight."

Starched Shirt Edward's eyes goggled, and Jugurtha covered his squealing mouth. "We have more company," He tilted his head to the right. We were suddenly back in the garden with Bella and Tanya behind us..

Marcus picked that moment to arrive. "Mother." He bowed. "Meet Vivinna, my wife."

"We have met, Marcus, I kept her alive when she was pregnant with Cale as long as I could before her father went and bit her."

"The pleasure was all mine," Vivinna chirped, as she clung to Marcus' arm. "Have you killed that annoying insect?" She peered around at Tanya and sighed. "Husband, she lives still."

"Bella asked that she be spared," Gaia said. "She did get married today. So I will spoil her this once."

"Thank you," Vivinna blurted, shifting from foot to foot.

"For that?" Gaia gestured disdainfully at Tanya.

"No. I could have handled _that_ on my own. I offer my gratitude for what you did and still do for our children. Bella also is special to our hearts." Regally, Vivinna bowed her head in obeisance. I waited for the world to explode.

Gaia's voice became gruff. "I loved them all. I still love them all."

"I know. Marcus told me you guard our late children's souls. I have no words. . ." For once, Vivinna appeared lost. Tongue-tied. Marcus put his arm around his wife as she wiped at her tear-less face.

"Would that I could, but I cannot bring them back like I did the four boys. But I can make sure they are at peace free from the demon's teeth. We have all learned our lessons. No one will ever make us suffer like that again. Marcus, your Father awaits you. Perhaps you should introduce him to Vivinna." She pointed to a shining arch. "I shall join you in a moment."

As he passed through the doorway, Marcus said, "Edward, you should go to the house to pack a few things. Take Tanya with you. She is polluting Mother's garden."

Bella sat on the grass beside Tanya, near enough to touch, although she made no attempt to do so. My dear little quiet one breathed through her mouth and snuck peeks out of the corner of her eye at our cousin. Hunched over, Tanya hugged her knees to her chest and rocked. While I had been busy with Gaia - Not that kind of busy . . . Ew. Those two - Tanya and Bella - had sat in silence.

Tanya looked worse than I had ever seen her. She had been crying. Had someone staked her, I doubt she would have felt it from the chaos of her thoughts. In an odd way, she reminded me of Lee Quill on that night all those decades back. Aside from knowing that she was in pain, kept seeing herself as a crone, and Alexander's face flitted through her mind, I could make little sense from her.

All this talking. I hated it. I stood before them unsure of what to say that was politer than, "Time to stop stinking up this dimension."

Bella met my desperate eyes and took pity on me. "So, Tanya?" My bride sounded kind. It humbled me.

Flatly, Tanya whispered, "Are you here to yell at me, too? I know I deserve it."

"No. We are here to take you home." Bella rubbed Tanya's back like one would a small child.

"Why?"

My dear little diplomat's hand stilled. "You owe me tutorials." Bella sounded cool.

"Pfft. I gave you one."

"I think you owe me ten sessions. Long ones. All day seminars. And I think you should be my on call expert for the next decade if I have questions."

Tanya babbled, "Why?" My cousin really was demented. Or stupid. Or both. She blinked up at Bella and mopped at her face with the back of her hand.

I remembered Sue saying all those months ago that Bella was not a "touchy" person. Still, she leaned over, held her breath, and hugged Tanya.

Bella's tentative smile broke my heart, "Why argue when it gets you out of here? We scarlet women have to stick together."

"Bella, I am sincerely sorry. You should not hug me. I smell like a sewer."

"I know."

"If I had any idea of everything you have been through, I never would have -."

Bella interrupted with, "Understood." She pulled away from Tanya.

"What is that woman? She is not vampire." Tanya sounded afraid as she gestured back at Gaia.

"You really don't want to know."

"I have never encountered anyone with more power."

"That is true."

"So it's just us girls here. No offense, Edward." She leaned closer to Bella. "Are you really Marcus' granddaughter?"

What was my demented cousin going to do? Sniff the genetic truth from my dear little impressively pedigreed one? I think between Vivinna, Arria, and Gaia, those three had insulted, punched, and terrorized the little common sense my cousin did have from her mind.

"Yeah, I am." Bella toed the grass with her shoe.

"Poor you." Tanya seemed distressed by this. "Bella, why are you forgiving me?"

"We all make mistakes."

Tanya embraced her. "Bella, with that attitude the aristocrats will eat you alive." Tanya appeared sincerely distressed for my bride's welfare. I feared for a moment my beloved might vomit over Tanya's shoulder. I stepped forward to separate them. How would Emily Post tell someone to phrase the request that an odoriferous relative back away before causing another to retch?

"Tanya." Bella straightened her spine like I'd seen Arria and Vivinna do on more than one occasion. "They'll have to get in line." She took a deep gulp of air. My lips flapped uselessly as color seemed to return to Bella's face.

Privately, to me, Tanya said, _"Edward, those Telecles woman are going to try to mold her with their scheming. By marrying her you just put a target on your back. You and I both know it."_

"Oh, look. Tanya is volunteering to cover you backside for you. How wonderful," Jugurtha chortled. "I like the newly humbled Tanya. Even if I still would not do her."

"Do what?" Starched Shirt Edward scratched his temple.

We ignored him.

I nodded at Tanya while putting my arm around Bella's shoulders and helping her stand. Her balance issues had not improved despite physical therapy, and this, too, was my fault. Upon further contemplation, Tanya also had a point. When word spread that Bella and I were formally wed and that Marcus had once again acknowledged it, as had the King, I could expect spectacular fireworks. Tanya had no idea, however, of precisely how stubborn my bride could be.

"Come." Bella held out her hand for Tanya. And with that, we left.

We returned to a full living room. Carmen and Eleazar hovered by the windows. Rosalie and Emmett cuddled their drowsing twins. Jasper and Alice stood by Mother and Father, heads together talking at vampire speed to avoid disturbing the children. It appeared for now we had a Telecles-free household, although the property was stuffed with our usual contingent of legionnaires.

Irina and Kate stared at Tanya without saying a word. Keeping blank expressions, the thoughts of my family went something like, _"Gracious me, how that reeks."_

Every immortal in the room save me, of course, stopped breathing - because they could. Some of us still needed oxygen. Blast it.

"Bella," Irina said, "I am so sorry that your feelings were hurt. I had no idea."

"Me neither," Kate added with a guilty face.

"It's ok."

"If you don't mind, we are going to take our leave of you now. Bella is exhausted." I said. Because it would have been rude to say, "If I stand around my wife much longer, I might be ill, and I would like to get her naked. For hygiene purposes. Really." At supernatural speed, I wiped at my watering eyes. Perhaps it would be easier if I simply took her to the other house?

Shadows under her eyes, my bride yawned. My dear little thank-God-she's drowsy one was all but asleep on her feet. We kept clothing at the other residence, it was not like we needed anything. Decimus had made sure we had plenty of food and algae. Our guards would follow.

Chief Swan was working a night shift surrounded by vampiric volunteer deputies. I texted him about our elopement because I did not want him to hear about it from someone else. I used Bella's phone. She would thank me for it later.

Jugurtha chided, "It would be cruel to make her stand in that filthy outfit one second longer. Bathe first."

Emmett passed his son to Eleazar and said, "Give me your coats. They're going into the fire." We handed them over immediately.

Bella grimaced, sniffed at her shirt and said, "Edward?"

"Yes, I agree." We left without a word for our bathroom. Bella made no complaint when I decided to carry her. Men did that with their brides, so I had read. But not because they stank. I listened to the commotion from the living room as I ascended the stairs.

Downstairs, Father said with ice dripping from each syllable, "Fortunately we do not need to breathe. Tanya, you can bathe later. We have more pressing issues to discuss." He pointed her to a wooden chair Mother had dragged in from the patio.

"I have requested privacy for us to deal with this matter before the rest of our new family joins us." Father's outraged voice shook. "Tanya, your selfishness put more than someone's _feelings_ at risk. What if Edward had lost control at the store? Her blood sings to him, as you well know. He could have drained Bella dry in an instant."

"Oh."

Father continued his rant, "Oh? We are in a politically cautious situation and depend upon the Telecles-Catharnai clan for protection. They would like nothing more than to take Bella away and inculcate her in their norms which by our day and age are barbaric."

"I'm sorry Carlisle, I had no idea."

"Because you were too busy focusing on yourself. When she was twelve, they left her with a broken leg in a cave for hours to see if she'd survive!" Father roared. "Then there is the problem of Edward. With his gifts, some consider him to be an abomination and have been calling for his execution."

"What?" Irina spluttered. Tanya did the vampire equivalent of blanching and sank further into her chair. She put her head in her hands.

Execution? That seemed a bit much. As if they could. But still. Puling aristocratic purple-venomed cowards. Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward, Dream Edward, and even the Beast from Chicago gave a "hear, hear."

That whole gift of appearing harmless and compassionate? Father used none of that. "Look at me!" Father bellowed at my cousins. "You three played with fire at the grocery store. Whenever Bella is threatened, Edward becomes irrational and sometimes his powers are ghastly to behold. Those wolf stories you heard are true. Imagine the problems we would have had if he had phased at the store and began killing immortals and humans alike?"

All of the Denalis shuddered.

Mother said, "By law, they would have killed my son at the very least."

Emmett shook his head, "You have never, Tanya, I promise you, seen anything as deadly on a field of battle. He tore through the Southern Coven army like they were ants."

"The battle lust from him," Jasper added, "Edward had more coming from him than I've felt from entire crowds."

Tanya said, "Why did you even let the bachelor party happen? You all knew about the bet."

Jasper offered a glacial smile, "Because the one thing we could count on was that Edward feels absolutely no desire for you, Tanya. He never has. The only thing I sense when you try your wiles on him is embarrassment for you. Bella was not present. We also used Alice's gift."

Eleazar patted Emmett's son and said, "Tanya, I have never seen you so out of control of your behavior. It is time to act your age."

Tanya winced. Direct hit. That.

"Sister, you have not told them the full story." Irina poked Tanya in the shoulder.

"Story?" Tanya asked Irina. "What story?"

"Stop playing foolish," Irina's patience had long ago reached its end. "About Alexander."

Tanya appeared fragile as memories of her most recent encounter serenaded her. "Oh. That." Tanya scowled.

"Yes, sister. Tell them or I will do it for you."

"What does that have to do with the present matter?" Tanya's blustering rang false. She did the equivalent of vampire blushing and attempted to conceal her recent heartache. From her thoughts, Tanya closed her eyes because the duet of the images of Alexander and the present sight of her withered arms was more than she could bear.

Irina looked about ready to punch Tanya for daydreaming. So I acted. Because I could, I sent the family the vision of Tanya's meeting with Gaia and Alexander at wolfpire speed. Emmett's mental commentary entertained me as he wondered why Tanya could carry a torch that long for a man he thought of as a "tool." Whatever that was. Tool of heartbreak? Vengeance galore?

Rosalie privately decided it further illustrated the inherent porcine nature of almost all men. My poor sister. Perchance one day she would get over her sexism. Sad. That.

"It has _everything_ to do with the present matter." Irina said, "You loved Alexander, a _human_. You did not form a mate bond with him, but not for lack of trying. He kept delaying being transformed so he could ensure he had human heirs – ones that you were incapable of giving him. You had to sit back and watch him marry and rut upon another. Then he died."

"I know."

"Ever since, you have never formed a meaningful romantic connection with any man. You aren't in love with Edward and you never have been. You're jealous that he has something that you desperately wanted. So if you can prove that his bond with Bella isn't real, then you won't feel that bad."

Tanya said, "I never thought of it that way." She sighed. "You are probably right. I swear I'm going to be apologizing to those two for the next eighty years or so."

"It's clear to us all," Kate chimed in, "that he has a true bond, although I have never heard of one."

Mary Alice said, "Bella went through hell while we were in Alaska and Edward was off chasing after Victoria. The reservation was attacked, and her loved ones were murdered before her eyes. Victoria very nearly killed her. She will bear the scars for the rest of her life. We have spent all our energy trying to get her better. She has a weak heart."

"Despite that," Rosalie continued, "she took on Maria by herself. Bella is not a shrinking violet. Save your apologies. Bella heard them once. Start acting like the cousin you profess to be."

"I apologized and she forgave me." Placating, Tanya held up her open palms. "I can only offer my sincere promise that I will do my best not to hurt her again. Believe me," she shuddered, "Edward made sure I knew the pain that I had caused. That boy has got it bad."

"Man," Mary Alice bit out. "I think he's earned the right to be called one."

"So he is," Tanya mused.

As I peered through her mind, I realized that she saw her arms in their youthful form. The crone had vanished. Tanya had learned a thing or two from Gaia, after all, because she seemed too numb to notice. Who knew? I had never envied Jasper his gift. The pain coming from Tanya combined with the family's justified wrath proved challenging to block.

Upstairs in our room, I had my hands full. My manly hands, that is. With my wife. Not _that_ part of her. Sicko. The last time Bella had been in here she had asked Mary Alice to burn the lacy undergarment she had worn at the store. My, how time and flown and once again, few things had changed.

"I want to take a shower. I feel dirty," Bella mumbled. "Tanya reeked."

"You are practically weaving on your feet. You are not doing this alone. You could fall." I insisted checking her for a fever because she repeated what was painfully obvious.

"Whatever." Bella shrugged out of her sweater and threw it to the floor.

Walking towards the bathroom, she started unbuttoning my shirt - the one that she wore to our wedding. She seemed too tired to care about modesty. I did my best to tamp down my desire, aided significantly by the putrid fumes that clung to our clothing courtesy of Tanya. My bride. She stank. Her blessed fragrance had been desecrated - enough to make my eyes water. How ironic to be grateful to Gaia and Tanya for their antics. Thanks to them, my wife and I could practice safe showering.

"Patience, this will soon be over. If you stop breathing that might help," Jugurtha warned.

"If he did that," Starched Shirt Edward sounded aghast as he wrung his hands, "he would harm our dear little peach's tender feelings. She has been offended enough for one day."

Dream Edward shook his head in agreement with that sentiment, "He has to breathe now. He would only pass out and then what good would that do?"

Compared to other vampires thanks to my Quileute powers, I had an expanded sense of smell. So I did this for her. And did my best to swallow my gorge.

Bella leaned against the wall to take off her boot. My left arm wrapped around her waist to hold her steady.

"Allow me. The sooner I do this the sooner you will feel better."

I removed her footwear and made short work of her socks and jeans.

"There you go again tearing off my clothes," Bella joked. "This can only end badly."

She was right, after all. I openly violated our rules of engagement regarding affectionate behavior in regards to nudity. But I did so for moral purposes.

"My Queen, it has been quite a day, and we both are tired. I promise to behave. Please let me be your Real Husband and take care of you."

My dear little drowsy one tittered and stiffened slightly when I unclasped the back of her brassiere and slid the thin straps down her shoulders. She had red marks on her rib cage.

"How did this happen? Are you in pain?" I sounded appalled as I traced the lines.

"I've been gaining weight. I need to buy a larger bra. It's nothing. It doesn't hurt."

I tossed the bra out with the rest of her soiled clothing. To Jugurtha I said, "Order her a new one now. An even dozen. Have them over-nighted or send someone to the stores immediately. Scratch that the stores are closed. E-mail Marcia the saleswoman. Text her, too."

"You should probably ask what size Bella is now to avoid the same problem," the Predator scribbled in my planner, peering at me over his reading glasses.

Right. Why ask when she was clearly so self-conscious? It would be rude. At wolfpire speed, I measured with my eyes instead and gave Jugurtha the numbers. I had conducted research upon proper brassiere fitting. I could be discreet. I should have noticed this problem sooner. In my desire not to feel so much desire I had been neglecting her of late.

Wisely, Jugurtha did not quibble. He took Starched Shirt Edward aside and said, "We must buy our dear little peach clothing that does not mar her delicate skin."

Starched Shirt Edward had his hand over his mouth. "Will she scar? Is she in pain?"

"I do not think she will be permanently harmed. But we can alleviate her suffering with our diligence. Come, to the laptop. We have work to do." Dream Edward remained behind to listen to me.

"Some wedding night, huh?" Bella said and sighed as her hands halted at the waistband of her panties. I had long fantasized about removing her clothing from her item by item, but not quite in these circumstances. And she looked so nervous as she leaned forward, her hair covered her chest. It took all my acting ability to remain composed.

To show my regard, I ignored the odor coming from her poor tresses. I kissed the top of her head and ran my fingers over her wedding band. "I am the happiest man on earth. Some wedding night, indeed. Besides, practice makes perfect."

She slowly removed her white cotton bikini underwear while I held her steady.

"I can't be the only one naked here. Are you joining me or not?" Bella asked, face on fire.

Oh, I was definitely joining her. Not that way. Even I had limits. I gulped with a mouth that was sandpaper-dry.

Bella turned on the fan in the bathroom. I disrobed at wolfpire speed. Our clothing made up a pile outside the bathroom door.

Bella stared straight ahead and sighed, "I kind of wanted to save the outfit that I got married in." She turned on the water and tested the temperature.

"I'll buy you a copy of everything. Into the water with you."

Thank God Emmett had insisted that my bathroom had to have those fancy multiple showerheads. Bella wobbled against me as the warm spray hit her. I could see her exhaustion beating down at her as she rubbed her burning eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yes, dearest?"

"Please, can we go to the other house? I don't want to spend tonight here. I'm sorry I stink."

"Working on it as we speak. The house I mean. The stinking too. Tanya stenched us both."

I gulped. I reached above her for the shampoo and body wash that Rosalie had designed specifically for cleaning the rank odor of bat guano from our bodies. Any other time I would have thoroughly enjoyed seeing my wife naked. I poured out some onto a loofah and handed it to Bella.

"Here, I will do your back. Open your eyes or you will fall."

Jugurtha said, "You've seen her naked before. You can do this."

"Yes, but usually when she was ill and that does not count. I am a doctor. Twice. Professional."

"That you are, and she currently suffers from exhaustion, both physical and emotional. You could scrub her at vampire speed, you know. Twice. Professionally."

Good point. Oh the irony. I knew from my siblings' lurid thoughts that I tried to block out that they enjoyed time in the shower with their mates. Here I was on my wedding night trying to get mine scrubbed as quickly as inhumanly possible. So I can not have sex with her.

"Bella, I have an idea."

Minutes later she wore a bathrobe, I had a towel securely wrapped at my waist. I tried not to be offended that she never once turned around to face me when we showered and I scrubbed her body and hair. I hoped she did not find the puckered scars on my chest revolting.

She sagged against me. "Can you please get me a nightgown? I'm too tired to put on clothes to travel." Her sleeping naked against me was not even an option at the moment, seeing as I might chomp her in more ways than one. So I was completely on board with the wearing clothing to bed plan.

"Of course. We cannot leave until Decimus tells us that the house is ready. So we will sleep here for a while."

I seated her at a vanity bench and fetched clothing at wolfpire speed. I cannot remember a time when I have ever dressed that fast.

"Lean against me." She stepped into a pair of panties. Light green.

"What is this?" She mumbled and patted at the brushed cotton fabric as it slipped over her head.

"I wanted to give you a wedding gift. Agatha embroidered it." When I had been gone, Bella had given away the baby roses and the dark green nightgowns that I had bought her. This one was buttercream yellow with flowers stitched on the skirt, around the neckline, and wrists.

"You had her make me daisies?" Bella's eyes welled up for a moment as she traced the threads. Did she not like the gift? I might possibly have panicked. "Thank you, Edward. This means a lot." She hugged me. For the life of me, I could not bring myself to move. Forty seconds later, Bella began to snore into my shirt. Gently, I shook her awake.

"Go away." She swatted at me and tried to burrow into my chest. "Bed. Now."

"Bella, you need to take your medication."

Grumbling, she stuck out a cupped palm for me to pour the tablets in, threw them into her mouth and mechanically sipped enough water to swallow them. She knocked the empty glass over when she set it down. I tried to ignore how easily it shattered.

"Night Real Husband." She fell back against the pillows and started, blissfully, to snore.

My wife. She spoiled me so. She fell soundly asleep when ordinary people wanted sex. I was the luckiest virgin monster of them all.

"_Decimus?"_ I called out to the captain of her guard as I scraped up the shards and crawled in bed beside my wife.

"_Yes, Edward?"_

"_Bella is asleep, but she wants to go to the mountain house. I promised her."_

"_We are already making arrangements. I think you should leave before the rest of the family gets their claws into Tanya. Less mess."_ Perhaps I had been right in not killing him after all.

"Jasper?" I used my gift to address my brother.

"_Yes, Edward?"_ He and the family waited for Irina and Tanya to finish de-stenchifying. Rosalie had withheld the shampoo and body wash she had given us, so this would take a while as Tanya was having to use tomato paste. I could count on my sister and Mother to be petty when it mattered. How amazing was that?

Bella's uncles and their irate newborn brides paced below in the living room. Mary Sue newborn Catharnai tapped a dainty shoe by King Larce. Skeevy had left Merrisol at home, as she was still a little new to the vampire life and he did not want her leaping upon his niece or the twins. Speaking of cannibalistic relatives, Vel and his mate Laurent leaned against a wall.

Marcus and Vivinna must have still been meeting with Gaia and Ares. Arria was also absent. Which seemed all kinds of curious.

I used my gift to speak directly to Jasper's mind. I did not need the other family members - as in the female ones - to know of my how-to-get-out-of-my-wedding-night sex plan. It was not their business. I thanked the Quileute spirits that their gifts prevented my sister Mary Alice from reading me accurately.

"_Jasper, we are going to the mountain house. I think it affords the privacy that Bella and I need."_

"_An excellent idea, Edward. We are already seeing to the special arrangements."_

"_I need you to do something for me. A small favor."_

"_Of course."_

"_Tell Jacob when he wakes up from his drugged sleep that he is no longer a wolf and read him the riot act. I do not want his Grandfather to have to be the one to do it first. John has had enough heartache."_

"_Can I scare him?" _Jasper rubbed his hands together. I sent him the feed of Jacob's drugged scheming. _"He is too stupid to live. Can't I just kill him?"_ Jasper was revolted by the inelegance of Jacob's pathetic attempts to plan my murder and Bella's marriage.

"_No. Remember he is mortal now, and he was drugged to gills when he did that. I know he does not love Bella. He cannot heal like before. And Chief Swan needs him to help with his grief."_

"_Dangumbit. Fine. I'll settle for scaring some Jesus back into the boy."_

That was the last conversation I remember having before my bride pulled me against her and we both fell asleep.

Roughly, someone's ice cold fingers shook my shoulder. "Hurry!"

"What?" At the voice's sound of dread, my body caught alight in malachite flames. Shirtless, Father lunged back.

"None of that. Get dressed." I had never heard him bark an order like that. I had been asleep four hours. Grace crooned a greeting.

"My apologies. Is Decimus ready to go to the other house?"

Father did not answer behind a blocked-like-Fort-Knox mind as he rifled through my closet. "Something formal that you can fight in if necessary."

He threw clothing at me.

"Edward, I am terribly sorry, but we have to wake Bella as well. She needs to dress."

"Whatever for? She is exhausted and did not want to change to travel." And he well knew that I needed her to stay asleep. For us. So we could avoid that whole making love business.

"We have been summoned to attend a hearing at Arria's headquarters."

"Why? Now? In the middle of the night? Bella is asleep."

"We have no choice but to wake her up, son. Your marriage is being legally challenged."

Perhaps I shouted. A bit. "By what idiot that wants to die?" Now I was awake. Profoundly so.

Bella sat up and rubbed at her eyes. "What's going on? Hey Grace." She waved out the window. We had not put the metal shutters down.

I handed Bella a clean set of clothes. "We must go to Arria's immediately on a matter of great urgency."

"What?"

"Our marriage is being challenged."

"I don't think so," my bride positively snarled and stalked out of bed.

Ye Gads! Her beauty silenced me. She clutched her clothing to her chest, tilted her head, shut her eyes, and counted to ten in Oscan.

Jane came into the room with Rosalie to help Bella get dressed quickly. They frogmarched her into the bathroom and clothed her in record time. At the sight of their grim faces, Bella did not complain. Jane was kind enough to pack the daisy nightgown in the bags we had by the door. She was growing on me, my prickly cousin. I liked how she took care of Bella when she wasn't making people scream in agony.

I repeated my question to Father. "Who is foolish enough?" I extended my gift and found complete chaos in the minds of Bella's guards. This could not be good.

"Lucius," Father answered.

"Gaia, Decimus, even Marcus have all said he's gifted. What makes _him_ so special that he can drag us from our bed?"

Jane said, "Cousin, he has powerful support among key covens."

I did my best Marcus impersonation. "So what?" Bella grinned, zipped up her coat, and fiddled with her gloves.

Father appeared to be choosing his words with care, "I learned tonight that he is the only son of Alexander the Great."

The earth shook. Father fell to the floor and Rosalie, Jane, and I pounced on Bella as the mansion's entire glass wall shattered into millions of shards. A frigid blast of air shrieked through the room.

Jane yelped her twin's name. In the front yard, Alec hunted in vain for something offensive to kill. The troops around the house drew their weapons - eerily still. The snow-laden wind mocked us.

Grace slammed up a shield patching the hole the enemy had blasted and let out a war cry. The Quileute powers and I reinforced the rings of power around the house. They would not use the same trick twice.

"_Did you do that?" _I asked Grace about the glass wall, already knowing the answer. She'd shattered it before.

"_No. I not." _Grace quivered in outrage. _"I call help. Now."_ She roared even louder. The walls shook.

"Edward, did Miss Grace do that?" Jasper asked as if commenting on a superior football tactic.

I checked Bella to make sure I had not harmed her when we had thrown her to the carpet. "No. We are under attack. I do not know by whom. I do not sense any soldiers aside from our own, and believe me Grace and I are looking. Whoever that was slipped through our shields but I know how they did it. I think I can stop them."

Jasper barked at vampire pitch in Xeta, the rare dialect from South America, "Edward, I need the truth. What is your new range?"

I extended my gift muttering in Quileute, as the spirits leaped inside me, ready to slay more Cold One human bloodsuckers. "I am accurate to over a hundred miles," I confessed in Xeta.

"Edward?" Bella whispered.

"Yes, dear?"

"This was not quite how I envisioned our honeymoon night. But I'll take you anyway I can get you." I was not quite sure what that meant, but it sounded sweet. I kissed her forehead. My bride. She made jokes during ambushes. What a woman!

Christmas had come early for my brother. He beamed. Jasper used the Marcus-vine to say something along the lines of, "My, the entire glass wall of our mansion spontaneously exploded - supernaturally speaking. Come look. Bring lots of legionnaires with shiny toys of death."

Starched Shirt Edward peeked out from the library door, hair standing on end wearing a rumpled nightshirt and holding a shaking candle in a brass holder.

Jugurtha shut the planner and pounded me on the back. "If Miss Grace is requesting aid from her kind, this cannot be good. Put up a shield like Gaia taught you."

"Do it right now!" The Beast from Chicago howled. Something malevolent pushed against my mind with a vise-like caress. Duly inspired, I let the Beast inside me, redoubled my efforts and spiritually tossed the invading force aside. Aside from fencing and Hezekiah, almost everything I knew about fighting I had learned from the Beast. We worked well together, and it felt like old times. I could feel the enemy retreat only to have it launch again like a junkyard mongrel. I gasped.

Speaking of canines of questionable ancestry, Genghis bounded into the backyard and bayed at the moon. Promptly, he phased for the first time into a twenty-three feet tall version of himself complete with slobbering fangs. It wasn't even a full moon. I don't mean to brag . . .but I was taller. Bigger, too. In every way that mattered. I ordered him to patrol the front of the house and eat anything that did not belong.

Jacob snorted in his sleep and began to wake, which would be all kinds of inconvenient for the moron to run outdoors naked and attempt to phase. Without a regret, I used my gift to send him to sleep. Then I woke up the pack to ensure that they were not under attack and warned Douglas and Henrietta to stay in their tree. Marcus had troops that quickly surrounded the reservation in case anyone decided to come calling, standing side-by-side with the irritated shapeshifters.

Shaking underneath me, Bella used her Telecles connection and called, "Mother! Help!" to Arria. She then began stuffing me with power, my darling girl, who all but read my mind. Just this once.

The enemy chose that moment to blast us again.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: That Telecles-Catharnai clan. Jeez. Talk about tempers. Don't cross these people, folks. Tanya makes the delighted acquaintance of Marcus' batshit crazy mean as a snake Momma Sneerest. Might I just say that they got along like lakes of guano on fire. Gaia teaches Tanya a thing or two about vanity. *shakes head* Dang. To pour lemon juice upon Tanya's open wounds, Gaia digs up an ex-boyfriend to come calling. Good times. Talk about an epic bitch move. Tanya shows that when pressed she can be a quick study. Edward and Gaia have a lesson. Not that kind of lesson. Pervs. Marcus and Vivinna catch up on old times with their family and plot mass deviousness. **

**Tanya and Bella chat and make stinky peace. with their clothes on and both feet on the ground at all times, thank you very much. Carlisle has a few choice words for Tanya regarding tact and diplomacy as does the rest of the family. Edward makes plans to move the wedding night to the other house. He asks Jasper to inform Jacob of his de-wolfed status. Bella and Edward standing in a shower. Not K-i-s-s-i-n-g due to that s-t-i-n-k-i-n-g dealio. And their wedding night begins with an impressively big earth-trembling bang that shatters glass and gets everyone, and I do mean everyone's attention. And Lucius doesn't mean to brag, but his pedigree is bigger. So there. **

**Bella calls Arria "Mother" for the first time and asks for help. Aw! 'Cause Mother-Armed-With-The-Mostest is too wordy. I don't see Arria sitting back on her laurels and scarfing back bon-bons. You? We started out the chapter with Arria in a bad mood. But this? Her daughter being attacked on her second wedding night? (Arria is pretending like that attack on Bella's first wedding day did not happen. After all, she did kill or help kill anyone that so much as twitched at her daughter. But still.) After she had spent time setting an example for the vampverse by making a spectacle of Tanya? Oh, I can feel the epic rage from here! Get ready people! Arria's about to blow a gasket. She may have ignored her daughter's emotional needs for eighteen years, but hey, when push comes to shove, she's first in line to hand out a beatdown. To protect those aforementioned emotional needs. Arria can learn. Sorta. **

**Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the Stone Cold Sparkly Cockblocker Mother-in-law From Hell Returns." Heck, expect the entire Telecles-Catharnai gang to be present for the good times. CC Bella would like you to know that if she weren't so tired, she would have jumped Edward's bones, audience be damned. And if she doesn't get her wedding night soon, she's going to show them an entirely new side of that whole source of endless power business. *winces***

**And for the record, there is no love triangle in this story between Bella/Edward and any other character JSYK. I've alluded to Lucius earlier in the HOD arc, and it's time to unravel his share of the story and then move on. **

**So if you were Bella, and in a pinch, which Telecles female would you put first on your speed dial. Arria? Vivianna? or Gaia?**

**Please review, it inspires snark. Jugurtha is leering at you.**

* * *

**References:**

For More on the Hanging Gardens of Babylon

http:/www (dot) unmuseum (dot) org/hangg (dot) htm

And corpse flowers really do exist:

http:/www (dot) news (dot) ucdavis (dot) edu/special_reports/titan/emerson3 (dot) lasso

The Ten Commandments are as follows:

http:/www (dot) bible-knowledge (dot) com/10-commandments/

Bella's nightgown embroidery hem

http:/kmcmurtrydesign (dot) com/kmdshop/images/KMD-HLDAISY (dot) JPG

For more on Fort Knox and its gold:

http:/moneywatch (dot) bnet (dot) com/economic-news/article/is-there-gold-in-fort-knox/385523/


	69. Undead Man Whimpering

**Cullenary Coupling - Chapter Eleven - Undead Man Whimpering**

*****This chapter contains violence, sexual content, and positively pornographic snark. And I should warn you to avoid eating or drinking anything while reading. One of my betas nearly choked to death on spaghetti while laughing. Really*****

**Thanks to LJ Summers, Prettyflour, Fantasy Mother, and Oxymoronic8 for the beta-ing. And Pomme_de_terre for pre-reading.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Cool links and pics are posted on my profile.**

**Shout-outs to my muses: Lefemmefarmer, Rogue, pomme_de_terre, Fleuritup, summerc79, jujubakiller, TraceyJ, KristinHazzard, stretheway, fanficreader83, marsy-cat, Shemhazai, MaryMaryMary, Merrisol, akemi, Squirt, Hecta, peggytje, VampireWeekday, notmyself, twifam1, photogal, rabbit681, farsidelady, JB30, star574, Viridis73, CindyWindy, love4allpplz, Lady Dragona, hunybmom, Disney Vampire, jmolly, Mutt N. Feathers, Angelbach, farside79, writz, Siriusmunchkin, prettyflour, hastaluego, u2shay, favludo, campyrs, RosalieSmiled, luv4edwardcullen, tufano79, Erica Keber, Angelbach, mamato, DawnStimson, and Solenoidbelle.**

**I had to sick Gaia on Fantasy Mother. Douglas has been returned. Thank you for your prayers and support. **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Shameless Bribe: If you review this chapter you will get a teaser that will not be posted anywhere else. Ahem, a hot one. *leers* Jugurtha gives it two thumbs up.**

**Songs for this chapter:**

Mr. Mister – Broken Wings http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=aWyeVfuolT4

Eva Cassidy – Fever http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=R-eyS1uluuY

Sting – Desert Rose http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=C3lWwBslWqg

* * *

**Snarky Summary: So, that last chapter ended with a bang. Some entity blasted the Cullen mansion, got Grace in a tizzy, and attempted to spiritually body slam Main Edward – who was all kinds of indignant. I mean, he wanted something to keep him occupied so he wouldn't have to worry about that cannot be having Real Sex with his wife business. But still. This? Really. It's a little much. Carlisle actually appeared concerned enough that he forgot to don a shirt before waking our young not-quite-yet-lovers. And our boy planning-to-tear-Lucius-asunder was downright cranky that it frightened (and awakened) his little bottle cap. She had experienced a long, emotionally draining day. She needed her rest. For health purposes. Of course. Main Edward is astonished that she called for her Mother, Arria. That is bad, very bad. Even worse, Carlisle told our dear couple that Lucius AKA "Luscious" was the son of Alexander the Great and contesting the validity of their marriage. Bella was not amused. Let's just call her our dear little snarling one. *backs up three steps* She's been around Gaia a little too long, methinks. Or Maria. Or both. Yeesh. And she just used her Telecles link to summon the vampires of war. Mommy, too.**

**You might recall from the front arc that Tanya had a "thing" for Alexander. That out of all her lovers, she probably really loved him, and his death gutted her, metaphorically speaking, alas. From the last chapter, we also learned that Tanya had made some kind of sacrifice on Alexander's behalf, and that he told her it was not worth it, that he had fallen in love with his wife, and to get a life. I mean, to take a shower and be happy. You also should keep in mind that from a supernatural perspective, Marcus' Mother, Gaia (AKA "StinkyGrams" by Fleuritup), made Tanya her bitch for eternity and beyond. If Tanya screws up once more, Gaia will turn her into the crone forever and forever and, well . . . you get the idea. I don't see Gaia being all that lenient and filled with sunshine and rainbows and three wishes if you rub her the right way. You?**

**So Lucius. What is his deal? Arria did offhandedly mention twenty-odd chapters ago to Edward that unbeknownst to her, Bella had been engaged and that Edward coming into the picture had thrown that out of whack. What she had not really been quite clear with Edward was how that betrothal came to be. Lucius is all kinds of offended. He comes from an influential clan with strong allies. And he had a powerful Daddy, too. He was offered a Telecles bride. He accepted. They then started waffling. He told them he didn't want damaged goods and to fix it and give him a Telecles bride. Because, well, you get the idea. So he paid Edward an innocent little visit to say "hi" and trade business cards. Sorta. *blinks piously* Hezekiah was even there to chaperon. Those Telecles bastards **_**said **_**they'd get back to him. They didn't call. They didn't write. They didn't send flowers. He still has not heard a thing beyond, "Hey, Edward took Bella to some human's house and had a marriage ceremony performed and it looks like Marcus and King Larce have approved it for good." So Lucius wants his Telecles bride. Now. Not that way. Perverts. Maybe eventually that way. Just not right now. He's not into public shenanigans of a carnal order. Did I mention his Daddy could beat up yours, *points* and yours? And mine? If it weren't for that being dead-for-good problem?**

**And Edward? What's his deal? After all, he's got a lot on his plate. Trying to earn back the trust of his bride while kinda sorta lying to her by omission the entire time. Not about that loving her business - because he totally does love her. Honest. *blinks* Even if Bella hasn't told him in so many words that **_**she**_** loves him back. He says that's fair - that he can love enough for both of them. Really. But when he becomes, ahem, aroused, he kinda sorta destroys everything around him, causes earthquakes, shatters glass, and even better, turns into a drooling dog. A really big one. And he's too ashamed to tell Bella. She has no clue. I don't know about you, but I don't think that's the doggie style that Bella envisioned from the books. You? I mean. Yeesh. She's got limits. Supernatural bestiality being one of them. Who's Your Daddy, Indeed. And Decimus told him that he might want to consider the fact that Lucius is still sauntering among the un-dead after having made an attempt on Edward's life a few chapters back. That speaks volumes about how much power Lucius has politically speaking. Even Gaia says he's got mad game, so that has Edward's undivided attention. **

**Main Edward has a whole list of things that make him go hmmm. He recently took a trip to Chicago to face his past and learned that Sister Claire (from HOD One) had been murdered by a family friend for money, it seems. Sister Claire's DNA indicated she is related Marcus. Someone's been killing off Marcus' remaining human ancestors. Makes you re-think Mary Alice's back story, now doesn't it? Especially that part about her family dying and James wanting her, eh? Next, Bella's been having nightmares for months and opened up a little bit about one. But our Edward feels she's not telling him the whole story. Edward has been hiding his enhanced abilities from his family for years. He can block Jasper's gift, Mary Alice's, too. Last chapter for defensive purposes, he admitted to Jasper that with his minion Grace's assistance, he can read minds for a range of 100 miles. Jasper is ready to fangirl Edward at the moment. But don't think he doesn't have a long list of questions for his brother. This chapter has several references to family members mentioned many chapters ago. In case you get confused, I have posted a family tree on my profile. **

**Things you need to remember in order to understand this chapter are as follows: You might want to re-read the last scene in Um, Sorry - when Bella wakes up and talks to Edward the first time. Important. That. Also, recall Bella and Edward's Marriage deal and how that came about, the Vulcan pinch nerve sex substitute Statue of Liberty Plan and most definitely - the rules of engagement that Edward has been forcing Bella to follow. Our Edward and Bella have been growing closer and that mate bond strengthening to the point where both of them just want to get it on, I mean jump each other, and they can't. Because our Edward has discipline. Lots. Really. He's gone this long with the bluest balls in the vampverse –second only to Marcus for crying out loud. He's so much more than the world's most repressed nervous virgin with stage fright. And because of his proper upbringing, the man is supposed to know it all when it comes to sex. Right? And he's smart enough to fix his problem by the time the wedding rolls around. Right? Except he's run out of time due to that impulsive elopement he arranged to prove he really loves his wife. So now he and his family have to plan on their feet. **

**Benedict O'Farrell has the gift to erase memories. He turned Mary Alice to rescue her from James. His wife and three children were imprisoned by the Caius because he wanted the use of Benedict's gift. Edward and Arria rescued them in Italy. Benedict is Carlisle's first cousin having been turned when Carlisle was a baby. Jane and Alec are also related to Carlisle and Edward. Rosalie and Emmett, while in Italy, adopted a set of twins that Bella saved. Jasper named them Evelyn and Phineas David. **

**Gaia let Edward know how she came to be a priestess and why the gods and goddesses above – not that Edward is admitting they exist – might want to kill Bella once or thrice. Edward is totally going to fix that problem by biting Bella ASAP. If she's a vampire she'll be more durable. *leers* First, he has to protect his wife and family from an unknown entity, deal with Lucius' conniption fit over his valid marriage, and oh, survive. But still. With powers from above blasting the heck out of the Cullen mansion we find our young lovers huddled on the floor using the bed for cover. And so we begin.**

* * *

_I went back in time to the beginning of my rebellious years. When, after the first kill, I had decided to embark upon a mission. The Beast had come to advise me._

"_Such fragile creatures – these humans – they pose no challenge to hunt. Are you sure you want to learn how to fight them?" The Beast's smoky form wrapped around me like a warm cloak, keeping at bay the chills of a guilty conscience._

"_I am. I want to stop the ones that prey on other humans. I will feed from them to preserve innocent life. That's fair."_

"_The first notion you must throw out of your mind is the idea of 'fair' when it comes to fighting. Nothing in combat is fair. The winners of the match decide who earned that label after the fact. Your challenge is to survive to be the winner."_

"_Survive. Yes."_

"_Humans can be controlled by fear. Use your nature to direct their fright and you can easily catch and kill them in seconds."_

_The Beast taught me how to shield my mind from the cacophony of humanity thinking around me so that I could function without going mad. After our first night of killing, we met for more training. I licked the blood off my teeth, satiated for now._

"_You did well tonight with that murderer. Now if you want a more interesting hunt, we could take on the immortal that arrived in town this morning. He's a bit old for you, but I think you can take him."_

"_When was he turned?"_

_Arms crossed, the Beast tapped smoky fingers against a transparent shoulder. "About four hundred years ago in Russia."_

"_I am just out of my newborn years. He will kill me."_

"_You are smarter and stronger. Do not underestimate your abilities and your potential."_

_The Beast taught me how to stalk him properly, how to keep from being scented, and how to hide my power in case the immortal was sensitive. He whispered advice in my ears as I fought my first battle and won, barely escaping with my life. Killing humans was so much easier; nutritious,too. I spat the enemy's venom into the gutter in the dead of night. After anointing my sacrifice with oil and setting it alight, the Beast helped me vanish into the darkness to live for another fight. Each day during my rebellious years he taught and I listened. And now, after a long break, I was once again his pupil as he helped me survive an attack from a much-to-my-dismay-superior, force. _

Moaning winds trampled through the shattered rooms as the house rumbled with aftershocks. Every last bit of glass from the Southern wall had fragmented. I covered Bella with my body as she put her hands on either side of my face and cautiously began feeding me power.

This entity attacking did not feel like Lucius' power. It had a crueler edge. Our growing mate bond permitted me to hear Bella mentally cry out for her Mother. Not that dingbat Renée, the other Mother: Arria. That alone had to be the fifth sign of the apocalypse. I know they had spent time together these past few months getting to know one another, but I never imagined that I would hear the day when Bella could address Arria in that manner. It seemed unnatural. Yet fitting. I felt strength from Young to Me Old Power as it snaked through my spirit and leached onto my bones with a primal fury. I recalled when I had put her and all the Lost Covens within a two thousand square radius on a hunger strike. Her current wrath dwarfed the anger I had detected all those months ago, like a pebble compared to an Alp.

From what I could discern, Arria currently combated someone and time-shared her brain. She asked me at vampire speed, _"What has Bella so scared? Her thoughts are not clear."_ I heard Arria say to her daughter in a soothing voice, _"Help is on the way. Stay with Edward. Give him some power. Not too much at once."_

"_Under attack. Something hurting my brain. House damaged. Shields, too. Never felt anything this strong." _I gasped to Arria, and included Marcus in the report. All the while, something or someone earnestly attempted to strangle my spirit. It frightened me to the depths of my tattered soul that all this occurred through Gaia's shredded shield that I frantically worked to rebuild. I did not even want to imagine what would happen without its pliable walls.

Bella called out to her Mother using the Telecles channel, _"They are attacking Edward. I have no idea who it is. Send help. They're hurting him. Us."_ She gasped in pain.

I heard Arria snarl a rude word in Oscan that I am too well-bred to repeat, followed by, _"What have you done to my daughter and son-in-law?" _And things became confusing after that.

As something malevolent clamped around my mind, and clobbered me with a metaphysical morning star, Bella rolled me onto my back and straddled my chest. Her forehead pressed against my own. Ordinarily, I would have no problem with her wanting to lie this intimately against me. In theory. Ok. Fine. That was horse hockey. If I were not being mentally asphyxiated, with what felt like someone clog dancing on my brain in hobnailed boots, I probably would have caused the earth to shake for several miles. Excruciating pain, I have found, tends to stop sexual arousal. Well, it does in me. Barbarian.

"I won't let them take you. Stay with me, Edward," Bella demanded.

_Yes, Ma'am._ _When you put it like that, and ask so ferociously? Who am I to say 'no?' _

"That is so hot," Jugurtha drooled. "Can you palm her derriere just this once?" He whimpered.

"We have an audience," I gritted through my teeth to him. One determined to aid me in, ahem, controlling the hotness of my wife until I could actually bite her. Which would be soon, for crying out loud. I would have done it already were it not for that whole bargain I had made with her. Something about "trying" to make love and all. Why did I have to do the honorable thing and pretend like I was keeping my word? I should bite her now. Then I could actually pleasure my wife without the killing her business. She would eventually forgive me. Right?

"Run your tongue across her throat then? I'm begging you, here. Seize the moment." Jugurtha begged through glassy eyes.

Starched Shirt Edward, wearing a white nightshirt, primly said, "Allow me." With an open hand, he slapped Jugurtha across the face, and poured a glass of water over his head for good measure. "Discipline! This is no time to fall to weakness of the flesh. He needs us! So does she!"

"You are correct. Forgive me for my loss of sanity. I am excited about the finally married part." Jugurtha wiped water from his eyes, shaking drops on the study's wooden floor.

I felt tapping on my shoulder. "You are being attacked at present. Focus on the enemy, and repairing the shield," instructed the Beast from Chicago in a firm tone. Correct. That. Good man.

Grace's bellows almost hurt my ears.

"_Grace?"_

"_They come now."_ She showed me a picture of a flock of winged beasts just like her.

"Why? I thought they did not want to help us after the last battle?"

"_Attacks against them, too. Mad. Want revenge."_

Soon we had company as her friends arrived. More comrades than I knew she had. Very angry acquaintances by the sound of them. The soldiers could hear but not see them. I feared they would shoot arrows at the enraged beasts. Silly me, they did. My minion and her friends burned the arrows, rendering them to cinders.

Grace began to sing, and her friends joined her. Streams of power illuminated the cloudy night sky.

"Cease fire, they're with Edward," I heard Marcus order through the Marcus-vine.

Bella's uncles and her Grandfather arrived with a bang, literally. The sound sent a flock of finches, heretofore roosting in the trees around the house, soaring indignantly into the air. We had thousands of lost-legionnaires-a-leaping through the portal surrounding the house and moving through the frost-encrusted trees.

In vain, the soldiers hunted for prey. They flitted silently throughout the area, frustrated at the lack of finding anything to kill. The same tale played out at the reservation. The wolves met only mocking winds that ruffled their fur with teasing kisses of ice. Leah and Seth prowled impatiently.

That's when, back at the mansion, we were slammed from what felt like another mind, perhaps more than one - primordial compared to Gaia.

"You can do this." The Beast cajoled, "I trained you years ago. Remember your lessons. Focus on drawing energy around you. They cannot attack what they cannot find." I had no problem being strategically sneaky. For survival purposes. Of course.

Back in our bedroom, feeling Bella wrapped around me, I concentrated on the spot where our flesh touched and the fire between us hummed. Not _that_ flesh, degenerate - the skin of our foreheads. I felt this buzz of energy as my dear little determined one cautiously spindled power, sweet endless power at me.

The apotheosis of equanimity, Marcus reached the bedroom. He crouched and put his hand on Bella's shoulder. "Bella, dear, are you well?"

He had such impeccable manners: Marcus ignored that whole straddling business.

"Giving Edward power," she huffed. "I won't do it wrong this time, Grandfather. I promise."

"Excellent. Your Mother sends her best. She is helping your husband maintain his strength. Take a deep breath. Give Edward a moderate amount like we practiced on three. One, two, three."

And by golly, she did. It amazed me what we could accomplish when my senses were not overwhelmed. My dear little destructive one and I connected and Marcus used our energy like a giant red-hot stone in a slingshot. Joined by his sons, he flung a wicked burst of blue fire at whatever attacked us. We heard screams that abruptly cut off, which was a good thing because my head pounded and white spots danced before my eyes.

The next thing I knew, I felt Thucer and Skeevy lifting us from the floor. Jane brushed glass from Bella's hair and clothes. Rosalie handed me a handkerchief to stop the blood that flowed from my nose when I took my feet.

"_Edward, we will go to Arria's. We need to evacuate you and Bella and get this marriage business officially decided," _Skeevy said into my mind. _"No one will take her from you, relax."_

Arria broke away from my mind to fight her own battle now that Marcus was here. I pulled Bella into my arms and growled. It sounded churlish, but I did not want to face an immortal audience with a nosebleed. Bad form and all. Made me look human. Weak. No offense intended to my bride.

Metie walked into the room, took one look at the sight of me pinching a cloth to my nose and said, "Here." Considering I suspected he was not quite right in the head, I approached him slowly. "I can repair."

He placed his hand on my nose and all but squashed it into my face. Squealing like a girl would have been mortifying, so I stiffened my shoulders instead as I felt heat in my sinuses.

Metie moved back, his hand glowing bright orange. "Good now?"

Indeed. It felt like he used a blow torch to cauterize the bleeding. "Thank you, yes."

Bella handed me a wet washcloth. Hating the sight of the blood that showed that I was not a normal vampire, I scrubbed my nostrils. Thucer took the cloth, threw it into the air and incinerated it before Bella's astonished eyes.

"I should join circus, no?" He joked. His stuttering had improved.

Father donned a shirt from my closet. Grabbing a parka from a nearby chair, I put it on –irritated at having to leave before I discovered who had been powerful enough to slip, again, through the shields that Gaia had put in place.

Jasper suggested, "We need to move into the hallway, out of the line of fire."

His advice seemed prudent. Glass crunched as we walked. Hezekiah's staff bobbled after me of its own accord, like a lallygagging sheep trailing behind the herd. In the hallway, Mary Alice offered me a large glass of algae.

"Drink it all. You're going to need it." She handed a smaller cup to Bella. "You, too." My bride downed hers without complaint.

"Check the strength of the shields, again, like Gaia taught you," the Beast suggested.

Good point. I grabbed the carved wooden staff in my hand and used it to focus my gifts. Before we had gone to bed, beyond checking that they were extant, I had not paid close attention to them. I had repaired them seconds ago; even strengthened the shields. That's odd. They seemed thinner than usual.

Chuckling, the Beast marveled, "Can you not see a trap? That's one crafty woman. Gaia made the shields strong enough so that they'd hold adequately to give you warning. She used you as bait."

I grumbled. _A little notice would have been appreciated. And her timing. Was brilliant. But still._ "Why are they not at full force? We are sitting ducks."

"Because she expects more enemies to come, of course." Silly me for asking. "They are falling for her ploy," the Beast explained.

"How much do you want to bet that another god or goddess died tonight?" Jugurtha asked Starched Shirt Edward.

"You cannot fool me." Starched Shirt Edward wagged a finger at Jugurtha. "I refuse to take that wager because we all know other gods don't exist. Those poor people are delusional." He crossed his arms over his nightshirt.

"Your Bible said that you could not put other gods before your own, not that others did not exist," Jugurtha taunted him.

We all heard the banging at the same time. I shushed Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha.

One section of the power barriers outside my bedroom had something enthusiastically pounding at it trying to create a breach. I could see dents forming with each blow. Grace and her friends directed a vociferous blast at the area directly outside the shield. A body became visible in spirit form. I sent the feed from Grace's mind to the Marcus-vine.

"_Ask for spirits help make solid. We help." _

Fine by me. I held the staff and called upon the spirits in Quileute if they would mind making the jerk or jerkette who had ambushed us visible - so we could properly greet him or her with some good old fashioned Cullen hospitality. Peeved at the attacks upon their guardians, they were only too happy to be of assistance. There were spirits that I had never encountered, older than the usual ones that helped me, lining up in droves to offer aid. Like butterfly wings, Grace's associates joined with my mind: there in substance, but difficult to detect. Mentally, I used the walking stick like a pick-axe and swung it at the form, chipping away at the rock-like substance that surrounded it.

Grace sent another wave of power and her friends used some weapon that I had never encountered. It took all of them to spin it into being.

"_Protect Sweet Girl children ears," _Grace warned.

Mother and Mary Alice held the scared-into-silence twins. I pulled them close to Bella.

"Edward, what - ?" Mother asked.

"Sorry, no time." I interrupted.

Moving at wolfpire speed, I erected a sound barrier around Bella and the children. I sent my niece and nephew to sleep.

My, that hurt. They used a frequency that seemed designed to drive a vampire insane. I did not even want to ponder what it would have done to Bella and the children.

"Edward, will they let us join them?" Marcus asked.

"Doubtful."

"We need the prisoner alive for questioning. Can you convey that to your friends?"

I nodded, gritting my teeth. Grace, her comrades, and the Quileute spirits wanted that immortal spitted on a stick. One of their young had died. The spirits hinted that the guardians rarely had offspring.

Squirming in spirit form like a butterfly struggling with an iron cocoon, the enemy resisted. A physical body took form. Grace and her friends decided to stop wrapping it like a mummy, reached inside, and released it. A squealing immortal fought to hang onto the barriers that suddenly metamorphosed into clouds, causing the body to plummet to the ground. We watched in morbid fascination as another one followed it. Grace's friends snatched up a female that radiated the most power and ripped her to shreds. They took turns breathing fire on the remains. Funny, it did not smell like other immortals that I had burned.

Marcus' countenance became grave as he sniffed at the air.

Grace said, _"You question other. She," Grace pointed to the charred remains on the ground, "Kill young one not hatched. Give other back."_

Silently, I told Marcus, _"The woman killed one of their young. They will permit us to question the other, but we have to return him."_

"Fetch our remaining guest. It would be rude to keep him waiting after such an audacious greeting," Marcus said to his sons.

Rather than take the stairs, they hurtled out the window and landed on either side of the body that thrashed in pain.

Jasper crept into my bedroom. He stared at the scene below, and winced, "Whoever that is, he's angry, confused, and fixing to start round two. He's awfully big for his britches."

Father asked, "Edward, can you tell anything?"

"I hear jumbled incantations in Oscan all but ordering the gods to save him."

Marcus handed me an ornate vampire blade and a sheath, "Welcome to the family, Edward. Have a Telecles blade. Jasper?" He tossed one to him as well.

Save for myself, Pescna, Marcus' son, was the most taciturn Telecles of them all. Accompanied by his older brother Metie, they yanked a man to his feet as he screamed in agony, unable to stand on his own. Soldiers quickly surrounded them. Whoever it was, the blast had burned the flesh almost away and it was not regenerating.

Metie offered a cherubic grin, coated the man in an orange light, and said, "Until I wish it, you will not heal. Talk, or suffer for eternity. Me, I hope you stay silent."

Marcus said to my brother, "Jasper, I think your delicate touch might be required lest Metie get carried away."

"_Edward,"_ Father sent his thoughts to me, _"We will not let them take Bella from you. I need you to remain calm. Can you do that?"_ I bared my teeth at him in what passed for a grin and stroked her hair as she huddled against me. At her touch, the pain in my head seemed bearable.

"All will be well. I am here. You are safe. We are leaving." I kissed her cold cheek. There was no way, after all we had been through, that I would let anyone pry her out of my arms.

"_Grace, we are going to Arria's. Keep an eye out on the house. Please send my thanks to your friends. Do not let anyone take that prisoner away from Jasper. He is our key to finding out who is responsible." _I broke the mental connection with Grace's friends. Genghis growled at the captive, licking his chops.

"_Careful,"_ Grace crooned to me.

"_Always," _I promised.

Teitu created a portal. My family and I stepped onto the brown polished stone floor that adorned Arria's cavernous gathering hall. As we traversed through a forest of ornate arches into the main hall, I noticed changes. Utilitarian in design, someone had been decorating lately. Vibrant tapestries hung from the walls making it appear as if we stood in a garden. The Catharnai and Telecles flags were in prominent view. Vivinna perked up at the sight of us as my wife and I approached the thrones.

King Larce had no need of gold to symbolize his reign. He placed his mahogany throne and his consort's on the top. One level down to the right and left of the King and Queen's, sat four thrones - I presume for Marcus and Vivinna and Arunthcar and his spouse. The next lower level held everyone else's. And my, there were an awful lot of thrones on that dais. It created a semicircle.

Hundreds of immortals occupied one end of the capacious room: both soldiers and aristocrats. An incensed King Larce stood before his throne. The crowd parted to reveal Arria stretched out on the ground against a man. She towered over him by about two inches. Speaking of straddling, that predilection must run in the family. Arria sat on the man without a smidgen of shame. Sweetly, she held a dagger to his, ahem, well. . .ouch.

Decimus' words concerning Lucius' powerful connections came to mind. I picked up thoughts from other covens in the room that they were there to support Lucius. Speaking of the devil, muttering with hands on their blades were scores of twitchy immortals representing his coven dressed in vivid green. By their disgruntled thoughts, I learned they were there to protest vociferously my marriage, armed to the fangs. I wanted to decimate them all. Posthaste. And go back to bed. That seemed totally fair.

Eleazar addressed Marcus using the Marcus-vine, _"The immortals Lucius has with him are lethal with the level of power they have. They have not acted yet, but that does not mean they don't have a plan. Edward, what can you tell us?"_

"_They are prepared to go to war. All those in the room came with the understanding that it could be a suicide mission."_

"_Of course," _Marcus drawled, _"How predictable. Did they really think I would not know about the soldiers that they have in the area? My troops currently have them surrounded."_

Scores of legionnaires lined the hallway standing at attention, ready to pounce. More filed in as we approached King Larce. Marcus walked ahead of me and bowed to his King.

"The house will have to be repaired, and this has been going on for months. Best let them speak their mind. We can kill them later. Right now your schedule has you defending your right to be wed to Bella." Jugurtha flipped through my planner. "I can possibly fit in an assassination attempt next week."

Perhaps I whined, "I don't have to worry about homework anymore. I am done with school. Billy Black is dead, Jacob de-fanged . . . I deserve some fun."

"True," he sighed. "Anything less than a week long honeymoon would be insulting. Leaving to kill someone would hurt her feelings. We cannot have that."

Starched Shirt Edward and Dream Edward both signaled their agreement.

Wonderful. There I stood, all revved up and no one to kill, the enemy held just out of reach like Tantalus' food. Life was so unfair. That weasel, Luscious, pulled me from my marital bed and that alone should be reason enough to annihilate him.

Taking in the spectacle of Arria toying with my nemeses, wearing a decidedly mocking expression, Father queried in a wintry tone, "Lucius, I presume?"

Perhaps it seemed immature. I might possibly have smirked. Twice. Toward the prisoner pinned to the ground by her Mother, Bella directed a frosty glance that would have made Marcus proud. The prisoner gave a baffled glance at Hezekiah's walking stick. Normal vampires did not need them, he thought, before blocking his mind.

"Dude, Arria gets more interesting with time. How amazing is that? She stopped the attack by holding a knife to his balls. She must really love our dear little one." Jugurtha acted all misty-eyed. "And take a gander at her expression. No paternity test needed on that one."

"Bella, dear. Are you unharmed?" Arria did not take her gimlet eyes off of Lucius. Her mellifluous words were at stark contrast with her wicked blade.

"I am well, Mother, thank you."

"That's what Mothers are for." Arria beamed.

Really? They were meant to threaten castration of all enemies of their children? Well, upon further consideration, my own vampire Mother would probably agree with the woman.

"Bring her some hot cocoa. Rosalie, we have formula for the twins if you need it." The idea of Arria shopping in a human store for baby formula –one that apparently matched the brand we already used– struck me as hilarious. But she was trying, I had to give her credit.

From every one's memories, Arria and Lucius had been conversing rather calmly about Bella. Young to Me Old Power had tilted her head to one side as if listening to something far away. Her eyes had kindled white with power as she had snarled and had tackled a gobsmacked Lucius.

My Mother-in-law did not waste time with useless words. And my, she moved fast. I almost cupped my manly parts protectively as I watched the scene from the memories around me.

Mary Sue newborn Catharnai started clapping and was joined by her siblings, "Sisters, now that is the Telecles way to properly grab a man's attention. Take note," she stage whispered, "I bet that's every bit as effective as a blow job."

Vivinna might possibly have looked like she had swallowed a spitting cat at hearing the words, "blow job." So someone had caught up on the slang of our era rather quickly.

I relied upon the Quileute spirits to help me unblock my opponent's thoughts without his being aware. Lucius' depraved mind felt it was only fair he have one for comparison's sake, as he felt he had earned it. Ew.

Begging the Almighty for mental bleach, I used my gift to continue rifling through the minds around me.

Bella held my hand. I could see her breath as she exhaled in the chilly room. Her body temperature was dropping. Immortals did not require trifling things like heat, unless death by bonfire was on the agenda.

"Are you cold, dearest?" I asked.

"Yes," she whispered back.

Tucked away in a coat pocket, I found a scarf and wrapped it around her neck. I pulled her against me because I still possessed a beating heart and created body heat. She could have mine. What was mine was hers, after all. I turned up the batteries that Rosalie had sewn in the lining of my coat, and unzipped it. Remembering a frozen day with a smile, Bella stepped back against my chest and zipped herself inside of my coat.

"Thanks, that feels nice." I rubbed her arms to create friction.

Mary Sue newborn Catharnai noticed the temperature as well.

"Larce, honey, Bella's cold. Can we make it warmer for her and our guests? We have two little ones as well."

"Of course," King Larce said. "Bella, we had a heating system installed for when you visit. We turned it on a while ago."

"I'll look at it," Rosalie volunteered. She handed her bundled daughter, Evelyn, to Mary Alice. Mother held Phineas.

A woman arrived bearing warm bottles for the twins and hot cocoa for my grateful wife who lowered the zipper of my coat so she could hold the cup.

"When did we start snacking on _infants_?" some moron asked aloud. Bella almost spit her drink. I patted her back in case she choked, and constructed an obnoxiously large ring around my family.

"Those are my children," Emmett announced with more than a modicum of menace. "Anyone who tries to make them a meal dies quickly, understand?" To me, he asked, "Can you wake them up? We need to feed them."

What my brother did not realize, was now his words started the rumor had started that more human children had been born of vampires, as the crowd compared Rosalie's coloring to that of the yawning twins. I could hear it race through the minds around me like a lit fuse. Lovely. Mother and Emmett now found themselves the center of avaricious attention from all corners of the room.

King Larce pointed to several legionnaires who surrounded my family. "I have made my policy on eating humans quite clear. There will be no problems," King Larce assured us. "You, leave my sight!" He pointed to the French idiot who had raised the issue.

Rosalie came back just in time to see the man scurry away. "The system is excellent. They did a great job installing it." We all felt warm air from vents flowing into the room. I moved Bella near one.

It pained me to hear a Moroccan coven leader, desperate for human heirs, attempt to disguise his envious thoughts and anguish at the sight of the twins. I could not help but feel pity for him.

With the aid of the Quileute spirits, I spoke to his mind, "_We found the children in Italy and adopted them. They do not descend from vampires. This world is full of orphans needing a good home and families to love them."_

"_Are you going to call for my death?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_ He did not bother to disguise his misery.

"_People should not be punished for mere thoughts. Deeds are another matter. I will say nothing. Ask Eleazar to come visit. He can sense talent in mortals. Visit the area orphanages. You never know, some of those children could be descendants."_

He man nodded at me, _"You have my thanks."_

The tramp of feet drew my attention. Arria's soldiers carried in what appeared to be several leather sofas and put them down across from the thrones. In a pit before them, Thucer dropped several logs and, with his gift, set them alight. I was not going to tell Bella that the pit was most likely used to burn the remains of vampires. Arria had no other use for fire.

Staring at the flames and the popping sparks that scattered from it, my brother tilted his head. "Um, honey?" Emmett said. The blaze appeared to have his son hypnotized.

"I'm not letting Evelyn down, either." Rosalie held her squirming daughter and began feeding her.

"Please, sit," King Larce gestured towards the furniture. Reluctantly, Bella left the shelter of my coat. So we sat to enjoy the political show in our modern day Colosseum.

"Arria, I think the man can stand now," Marcus said, pride evident. One would have thought she had killed her first enemy.

The legionnaires behind her had their hands on their blades and outnumbered what appeared to be Lucius' coven.

"That is not his entire force," the Beast said. "He most likely left them scattered in the area."

"Were they not told they had to all appear before the King?"

"Yes. But not on this date. You cannot fault Lucius for exercising caution when pulling a stunt like this."

Maroon eyes gleaming, Lucius warmly smiled up at Arria. Twirling a dagger in one hand, she rose and offered him the other.

"If a beautiful woman wants to throw me on the ground, who am I to complain? Thank you for the honor of your time," he said.

Jugurtha chortled, "Oh, he is a smooth one."

"Let's get this over with, shall we?" Father's tone offered a subtle rebuke.

I stood. "I could not agree more. My name is Edward Cullen. Meet Bella. My wife."

"Nullify it," Lucius ordered King Larce. "We had an agreement." His coven cheered and shook their fists.

My dear little irritated one put her empty mug down on the floor and jumped to her feet. Had I not grabbed her arm to steady her discreetly, she would have landed face first on the paved stone floor.

"I married Edward of my own free will," Bella announced in exceptional Oscan. "No power on earth could make me leave him."

Translated into vampire speak, my darling bride had unwittingly announced that we were mated, in fact. My dear little Grandmaster, brilliant in more ways than one. Even when she did not know it.

"This is fruitless. Everyone knows _humans_ cannot form true bonds with immortals," one of Lucius' commanders scoffed.

Bella clenched her fists.

"She is turning down the honor of a match with our clan? How hard did she hit her head? Where is her father? We prefer to deal with him," another adviser querulously spat.

"Watch how you speak about my Great-Granddaughter," King Larce seethed eyes kindling white power. Which was all kinds of disturbing to Lucius' clan.

Father stepped forward and comfortingly placed his arm on Bella's shoulder. For the past six months, day and night he had been entertaining different contingents from the immortal world, exercising his influence and building coalitions. He addressed Lucius' coven. "I am Carlisle Cullen, the Fourth Brother. I claim Bella as my adopted daughter, and speak on her behalf. Bella has formed a true match with Edward. As Marcus and Vivinna can testify, although it is almost unheard of, it is possible for that to happen."

Marcus kissed his wife's hand. "He speaks the truth." The crowd began murmuring.

"I am Arria, daughter of Vivinna and Marcus. Bella is my daughter. Your argument concerning her humanity is irrelevant. She has consented to being turned. I support her match with Edward. Her true Father is dead."

True Father? Liam? Try silent sperm donor. And wretched poet. Dylan Thomas need not fear the competition.

Starched Shirt Edward marveled. "She did not deny our vampire Father's right to claim our dear peach."

Jugurtha said, "That's because Arria is trying to distract anyone from asking Marcus to use his gift to determine if the bond between Edward and Bella is finally complete."

King Larce did not like taking orders. "Lucius, you had an agreement with Arria, not one with me," the regent fired back. "As King and head of this family, all marriages require my consent. When Arria told you the child had been wounded, you wanted nothing to do with her."

Bella stiffened and lifted her chin. Her face blanched.

The Beast cautioned me as I prepared to explode, "The King is saying this as a tactic. I know it hurts her feelings. You have to stay calm for her." Drat.

From behind, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She wove her fingers with mine and squeezed as her ire rose behind a composed demeanor. I almost did a very unvampire-like double-take when I saw the wedding bands on our joined left hands. In every way that mattered, I was hers and she was mine. All mine. I wanted to spend the rest of eternity making her smile. Luscious the dead-and-gone-daddy-name-dropper could go hang.

The picture of a young statesman, Lucius spread his palms. "Initially, I expressed concern as to how badly how badly she was wounded. They never gave me a concrete answer. I made my intentions to marry her clear months ago. Bella appears to be healthy and intelligent. I never put my objections in writing, which makes us still betrothed by law."

Arria countered, "Neither was the betrothal contract. You were verbally promised a Telecles female. You were never promised Bella, specifically. My daughter, as you can see, is well, and Edward makes her happy."

"Brilliant move," Jugurtha chortled. "Lucius has pronounced her fit to be married, and Arria has supported that assertion. The rumors of her being dim-witted should stop."

"We will not be cheated!" A whippet-thin man drew his blade and waved it in the air at us as he approached. The others put their hands on their swords. Lucius gestured for them to stay. Whippet-face, alas, failed to notice as his back was to the throne and his coven. I pushed Bella behind me and prepared to pounce.

"You!" King Larce bellowed. Ever so kindly I gestured to whippet-face that the regent had addressed him. He spun about. King Larce threw a blade that hit the man in the eye. A blast of white energy shot from it and coated the man like honey. He screamed, dropped his weapon, tumbled to the ground, and began seizing. "There will be order in my hall!" the regent thundered.

Lucius turned to his coven and ordered, "Do not draw your weapons."

Two legionnaires dragged the flailing man out of the hall with ropes. As soon as he was out of sight they dispatched him to the ash heap in the sky.

"That does not solve the problem that I still am in need of a Telecles bride as was promised."

"You have one," Arria sounded bored.

"Not if you are honoring her marriage to Edward. So who else is there?"

"Me." Arria smiled with newborn malice.

I almost felt sorry for the fellow as he all but swallowed his tongue for a fairy's breath before regaining his poise. Then upon reading his mind, I gathered that this had been his goal all along. Bastard. He ruined my wedding night when all he had to do was man up and ask Arria for her hand in the first place? I, of course, would know nothing about sending his triumphant thoughts to Arria, the rest of the Telecles-Catharnai clan and my family. Especially the part about her on her knees before his naked and aroused body begging to. . . never mind.

Amazing me with her aplomb, Arria never gave away what she knew. Neither did any of the other family members.

Jugurtha whistled. "That man will never receive fellatio in this lifetime by her."

"Arria, will you do me the honor of accepting my suit?" Lucius asked from bended knee.

"You look good in that position," she deadpanned. "Get up. Yes. Father?" Arria appeared to be following her daughter in her joy at receiving a marriage proposal. Moving to my side, Bella squeezed my hand and smiled up at me.

"Lucius, Arria's property and holdings remain in her possession to be disposed of as she wishes. She remains a member of my house under my rule."

"Nice." Jugurtha crowed, "If anything happens to Arria, all her property stays in the Telecles family. She is having a _sine manu _marriage. That is not in Lucius' best interests."

"I have enough property of my own." Lucius sniffed. "She is all the treasure that I require."

"Then you will not mind taking her name and becoming a Telecles, will you, along with the rest of your coven?"

Lucius inclined his head to show his assent. His men appeared flabbergasted. Alexander the Great must be rolling in his grave. For someone who had just been sort of threatened with war, Marcus came out the winner.

"I now pronounce you properly wed." Marcus waved an arm. "We have documents for you to sign."

"Congratulations," King Larce said. "Welcome to the family, Lucius Telecles." That distinctly sounded like a threat.

Vivinna said, "Arria's brothers are going to take you for drinks later to discuss our expectations on how you will treat my daughter."

"So you are content to allow this _rabble _into your house?" Lucius signed the marriage agreement. He handed the pen to Arria.

"Rabble?" I scoffed. "Your sire conquered most of the known world before his thirty-third birthday. By my count you have had nine centuries more time. And here you are, trying to weasel your way into power through marriage? My, how heroic of you. Is he _really _Alexander the Great's son?" I asked Father, who shook his head in amusement.

"Yes, he is the son of Alexander the Great. I was present at his birth." Tanya said from the entryway as she and her coven arrived. She smelled considerably better.

Jane did not appreciate being referred to as rabble. Frankly, Jane could not remember anyone ever insulting her - well, anyone still alive.

"Hello, I'm Jane. This is my twin, Alec. Perhaps you've heard of us? We are cousins of Edward and Carlisle. Now that you are related to us through marriage, allow me to welcome you to the family officially."

She had Lucius on the ground in no time flat. Flexing his fingers, Alec kept Lucius' men at bay as the man writhed on the floor, bellowing.

Alec stated, "Why, yes, how kind of you to ask. We are _that _Jane and Alec. Who are you calling rabble?"

"Lucius, stop being a boor and apologize for your bad manners. Jane, Alec, you've made your point." Tanya shook her head and sighed. King Larce gestured his agreement.

Jane released Lucius with a gamine grin. Alec offered his trademark, "If you think she's bad, wait till I try my powers on you," expression. Due to that whole "age-over" business, neither Lucius nor his men had initially believed Jane's claim. The Jane of legend was a young girl.

Father clicked his tongue. "I suppose since he just got married we can be civilized about this. Let him up, dear cousins."

Lucius' eyes widened as he pulled himself gracefully to his feet. Arria did not interfere, nor did she sign the agreement. Benedict, his wife, and their three children stood beside Father.

"His line has only produced one vampire with a modicum of powers, and he's mocking us? Cousin Carlisle, can we check his brain for imbecility? Are you sure he's mentally fit to be married?" Benedict verbally jabbed.

"Oh score one for Cousin Benedict. Look at him defend Bella all nice and subtle-like." Jugurtha rubbed his hands together in glee. "And their time in Alaska seems to have done them good."

"They were imprisoned by Caius for decades when we released them in Italy. They could only improve."

Benedict called out to Marcus, "He might be a better husband to Arria if I erase all his memories. What say you, Arria?" My Mother-in-law actually appeared to give the idea consideration.

I have to give Lucius credit, he did not back down in the face of pressure and acted like Benedict had not spoken. He definitely knew he was in trouble with his almost wife.

"I offer my apologies if my sense of humor was not appreciated."

Father nodded in acceptance. Arria then signed the document.

"Aunt Tanya." Lucius was delighted as he held out his arms in greeting. Tanya did not take them. Irina, Kat, Eleazar, and Carmen surrounded her.

With uncharacteristic venom, Tanya asked, "What have you been doing to my family, Lucius? Besides insulting their ancestry and dragging Edward and Bella from bed on their wedding night?" Tanya did not disguise her fury.

"Simply trying to collect on the promises that were made to me. Surely you understand." He uttered that so charmingly. "It was nothing personal."

I expected him to try to offer her a bottle of snake oil next with gleaming teeth and a Cheshire cat grin. Pretentious poser.

From her thoughts, Tanya was sincerely angry, and contemplated smacking him.

"Someone attacked us moments ago, Lucius. Would you happen to know anything about that? A strike against them is one against me as well."

"Do you jest? I would not do that. I need them alive." Lucius vowed, "Well, most of them, anyway." The cheeky bastard actually winked at me. "Arria, was that why you threw me to the ground?" He batted his lashes at his wife and complained, "Here I thought it was my charm you found irresistible."

Arria gravely replied, "You are lucky to be alive."

"We will talk later, Lucius," Tanya said. "Congratulations on your wedding. You best behave; I can personally verify that your wife has a powerful right hook."

"Aristotle," Lucius asked a wizened vampire behind him, "can you send men with Perdiccas to find out who attacked the Cullens? Where _has_ he gone, anyway?" Lucius acted perplexed as Decimus, Jasper, Pesna and Metie Telecles frogmarched a wounded man up to the throne area. "What are you doing with Perdiccas? He is with me. My gods, man what happened to you?"

Metie had kept his word, Perdiccas appeared partially healed. But that still had to smart.

Tanya approached Gaia and discreetly handed her a piece of jewelry. They conversed, but I was too distracted by the clamorous minds around me to spy, I mean listen.

"_All will be well, Edward," _Marcus thought to me.

Decimus tossed the indignant Perdiccas in a heap at Marcus' feet. "We found him using powers in an offensive manner."

"Well, as he _is_ my seer, that is his job," Lucius said. "I apologize if that distresses you. He is in charge of securing my safety. He needs a medic."

"I did nothing wrong," Perdiccas yelped.

"You aided in the attack on the Cullens and their allies," Pesna Telecles said. "I consider that to be quite offensive considering it was unprovoked. Don't you?" He raised an eyebrow to Lucius.

"Unless you ordered it?" Skeevy asked. "Were you going to kidnap my niece and force her into marriage?"

"I gave no such order. I merely demanded my day in court like any other noble when I heard they had wed."

"May I speak?" Bella asked. My dear little bottle cap looked about ready to explode. I do not believe I have ever seen her that angry. The birds pulsed on her body.

"Of course, Bella." King Larce waved his hand. "What is it?"

"When you were . . . gone," Bella directed her words to Arria, me, and my family and touched her throat, "Victoria did something to the protections you left in place." Her birds were visible only to us. Observers would have thought she meant the two pendants that hung from the chain at her neck. "That one," she pointed a shaking finger at Perdiccas, "made my every moment hell. I recognize his voice."

King Larce said, "Lucius, since he is your man, would you care to explain what you ordered him to do?"

"Sire, I have no idea what she is talking about." I would like to say he was blustering. Lucius' words were sincere. "My man was with me and has been with me. How could he harm her?"

"He tried to pretend he was Edward." Bella's voice shook with revulsion. "He tried to touch me in my dreams. At first, I was afraid to sleep. I was afraid that I was losing my mind. For months, he said horrible things about what he was going to do to me. Then he started coming during the day. When Victoria attacked me at the cliff, he did, too. He taunted me while she carved my shoulder with her knife. "

My wife held my hand and used her growing bond to send images to her family and me. Marcus transmitted them to the rest of the family, Lucius, and his clan.

Bella stood on the detested precipice, bleeding. For the first time, I understood what had really happened. I saw an image of my face with Perdiccas' voice saying, "I used your body because I was bored. My family entertained you to see if they could be that close to humans and not snap. You disgust me. No one will ever love you, foolish human pest. Save us the ordeal of having to gaze upon your mealy-mouthed face and take your life. You're not even worth the effort of biting."

Struck dumb at the repulsive words coming from what appeared to be me, Bella was right. The things I allegedly said were ghastly and sounded nothing like me since they were in his voice. Besides, I never talked that long if I could help it. And she definitely was worth biting. Singer scent aside, I planned on nibbling on her neck, writs, and ankles the first chance I obtained.

I had a choice: beat the man, or comfort my wife. She won. Aware of our growing bond, I tempered my anger and shielded it from my brother. Jasper worked hard to block the waves of rage coming from others in the room.

Jasper indicated to me that Lucius was not acting. Appalled, Lucius backhanded a smiling Perdiccas across the room. Jasper decided to put the fear of the gods into the seer.

Father whispered into my mind, _"This is part of why Bella was so traumatized when we returned. Now her nightmares make complete sense. Let her talk. This has to be difficult for her to speak about in public. Don't kill him yet."_

While he rocked back and forth and whimpered, I constructed a power ring around him, remembering my promise to Grace. It appeared to be the only thing that stopped Bella's uncles from leaping on the weasel. Not Lucius The _other _weasel. Arria twirled her dagger as she scrutinized Perdiccas, deciding where she planned on cutting him first.

Marcus walked over to the prisoner and stood inches from him. Menace radiated as he said, "These are indeed serious charges. What say you to them, Perdiccas?"

He managed to push away Jasper's gift. Perdiccas gave a scornful glare to Bella, and held his palms up, "I have no idea what she is talking about," he prevaricated.

"He lies," I said. "Mind-reader." I tapped my temple.

"Your powers do not work from that far away."

"Actually, they do. You are currently thinking unchivalrous thoughts about my bride, and fretting about someone named Minerva."

Perdiccas' leer and wheedling tone coming from a battered face created a sinister effect as he addressed my wife.

"No harm was intended, princess. I never laid a hand on you. Lucius will still accept you," Perdiccas smirked. He asked me, "Did she fight you as much as she fought me? Spitfire that one. She's quite obstreperous."

To irritate me, he showed me images of him taunting Bella. My fingers flamed and I longed to wring his scrawny neck, and then repeat the procedure.

How could I have failed to detect this? My dear little distressed one. How she had suffered in silence. I studied him like one would an insect. "I cannot decide if I should call you dead, deader, or deadest of them all."

Perdiccas cackled as his skin began healing. "My, he's amusing for one so young and new to his power. Abomination," he spat at me, "you are no match for me." He touched his chest, "I hunt with the gods and goddesses."

The roof was tall enough that I could transform. But Bella was upset enough. She had never seen me in wolf form. Now, when she was distressed, did not seem to be a good time. I had to show restraint. So I used sarcasm instead. My rage fueled my desire to speak.

"Says the man I blasted out of the sky. Your female companion made for quick killing, too."

Perdiccas laughed, still not believing me. "You cannot kill her."

So I showed him the images of her being ripped apart and burned.

Jasper offered a barbaric smile. "If you know anything about my brother, you'd realize he never jokes. He lacks a sense of humor."

I do not. Lack a sense of humor. I have played two practical jokes on him to gainsay that evaluation. Really. That was unnecessarily rude.

"They call me the green demon," I said as my hands turned malachite with wolf energy. I sent Perdiccas flying with a blast that burned large holes straight through each shoulder, and borrowed Arria's blade. Once she figured out what I planned on doing with it, she was only too happy to assist and joined forces with me mentally. Perdiccas sat up, moaning, "It burns!" - only to find the glowing blade at his neck as if held by an invisible hand.

"Edward, hold your fire," Marcus ordered as Perdiccas' body began slamming against the floor like an invisible hand capriciously tossed him about. He screamed.

I asked Arria, _"Are you doing that?"_

"_No. Unfortunately,"_ she answered.

"Marcus, that is not me."

"Then who is doing that?"

Perdiccas was shimmering dark green now around the edges, my shade of power. That left one answer. The spirits told me so.

"Miss Grace."

"Why now?"

"Grace is quite protective of my wife. If Grace wants him dead, I honestly cannot stop her."

That was about the time that Perdiccas shed his "I'm so harmless" image and started fighting back. The barriers around Arria's fortress took a blast that cracked a small hole in them. Perdiccas seemed to almost grow in height of a sudden. He sent a blast at Grace that had to have hurt. Arria's dagger wavered under the force.

Marcus said, "He has help. That is not him alone."

"They took a page from Gaia's playbook and let this happen," Jugurtha said. "Do not be alarmed. Kill him now."

We did not even need to consult. I threw my dagger. My family and the Telecles-Catharnai clan were equally moved. Seconds later, the man resembled a porcupine he had so many blades - poisoned ones - sticking from his body.

Bella asked, "Is he attacking _Grace_?"

"Let the men handle this, girl. Consider it your first official lesson in manners," Perdiccas barked. With a flick of his hand, the daggers seemed to yank themselves from his body. "I have the power of gods and goddesses on my side."

Name-dropper. I did not go around boasting that I had the power of ancient indigenous spirits fueling my abilities. That would be tacky.

Bella said, "I don't hide behind my husband. I am capable of dealing with scum like you. I had a great teacher."

He waved at the daggers and sent a portion flying at Bella and the rest at Arria.

Lucius yelled, "Perdiccas, no!"

As the blades spun through the air towards Bella and me, they struck the power barricade that I had around us and clattered to the floor.

Lucius grabbed a metal shield and threw Arria to the ground. The daggers pierced through the shield with screeching noises inches from Lucius' arm as he covered his bride. Why couldn't Perdiccas have better aim? A stronger arm? He could have saved me a problem, the weak bastard.

"For one who runs in such esteemed company, you lack imagination," I taunted him. "And trying to kill your brother's wife and step daughter? Rude."

Shaking with rage, Bella pointed a hand at Perdiccas and addressed the FitzFlock. "Get him."

The gyrfalcons sprang into life and hurtled at Perdiccas, talons extended. The crowd of Lucius' men scattered, preparing to fight.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Fine, go and join them," I said to FitzSinister and FitzLuck after they implored with their eyes like hound dogs before a large piece of cheese. Manifesting from my palms they dashed after their cohorts.

Perdiccas stopped his attack on Grace, and drew his blade.

Lucius ordered his men, "Do not engage!" They backed away from the birds.

He held out an arm for an irate Arria. "This time it was my turn to be on top. Sorry, dearest, are you well?" She ignored him and reached for her sword.

Muttering an incantation, Perdiccas swung at the first bird. Whatever spirits he prayed to ignored him. The barriers around the fortress were now sealed thanks to King Larce. Perdiccas' sword shattered like ice when he tried to hit FitzCarrion. FitzCorpse clawed the man's right cheek, shredding it in the process. FitzCadaver slapped him to the ground and FitzLuck perched on his chest digging into it with his claws. Perdiccas implored for the gods to rescue him. The other birds gathered around like vultures moving in on a meal and hissed at the jittery aristocrats in the crowd.

"Well done, Bella." A cloaked figure clapped and called off the birds with a gesture. I girded my loins for the certain venom-shed that would follow. Marcus' Mother had decided to pay a social call. Marvelous. Dressed in a dark robe with the hood drawn up, she was unrecognizable.

I appealed to Grace, _"Marcus' Mother has appeared. Please halt your attack. I promise to see that he is punished. On my honor. You do not want to tangle with Gaia."_

"_Done. For now." _Grace sulked.

Perdiccas began that blasted chanting again while wailing as his organs righted themselves.

"You have irritated me enough. Cease your attack, fool."

"Why should I listen to you, old woman?" Perdiccas snapped.

"Oh my, this man is dumb beyond measure." Jugurtha slapped his palm against his forehead.

"Did he just insult our Great-Grandmother-in-Law?" Starched Shirt Edward forgot that earlier he had encouraged me to kill the pagan priestess.

"That. Fool. Is my Mother," Marcus answered for her, yanked him from the floor, and punched Perdiccas.

Lucius and the men in his party froze as they watched their seer tumbling about on the stone floor like wadded paper intended for the trash can. Vivinna craned her neck as she followed his body's flight. He landed at Skeevy and Merrisol's feet. My newborn relation took one look at the seer and kicked him squarely in the wounded jaw. He tumbled until he stopped at the foot of King Larce's throne, panting.

"Some call me Gaia. You have been awfully busy these past centuries." I did not think it possible for a voice to grow any colder. "Hiring humans and immortals to do your dirty work."

The word "Gaia" rushed through the assembled crowd. Marcus had never been forthcoming about his parents and I can see why, given he had enough on his plate having his children hunted and all. Why advertise that you had more power at your disposal? And really, "hurt my children and my Mommy will come after you?" sounded silly. Until you met Gaia.

"I don't use humans for anything," Lucius sounded offended. "Madam." He added for good measure.

Jasper bowed to the Priestess. "Mother Gaia." My brother was a diplomat of the highest caliber. "May I?" She nodded. He cleared his throat. "We found in questioning him that Perdiccas hired humans and immortals to hunt Telecles ancestors and kill them. He's done it for centuries. And lately, he has been trying to frame the Catharnais as being behind it like he did with the woman, Claire, that he had killed in Chicago. We have records going back for quite some time." Jasper had been a busy little bee. He had not told me he had found who had paid for Sister Claire's murder. To be fair, I had been awfully busy of late. Preoccupied, too.

Mary Alice said to Perdiccas, "This won't end well for you."

"He was raised alongside me and is like a brother." Lucius interjected. "I will pay restitution for your losses." Rather brave of him to stand up for his somewhat sibling who had been scheming behind his back all this time.

"I will take my punishment. I acted for you. I did what you could not." Perdiccas seemed to actually believe that drivel.

Lucius asked, "Why did you pursue Bella?"

Perdiccas gestured in my direction. "To make her hate him so she would be easier for you to court. I never laid a hand on her. The rumors of her being weak minded - I thought they were true. When they returned, I left her in peace." Lucius did not bother to hide his disgust.

"While I appreciate the sentiment, I have never needed assistance in courting anyone, much less one _human_."

"You'd need divine intervention in my case," Bella snapped. Arria narrowed her eyes at Perdiccas and stilled her spinning dagger.

"My apologies." Lucius bowed to Bella and his wife, then turned back to Perdiccas. "Now what is the real story? Best confess all." He pretended that Arria had not drawn a blade on him.

A zealot's fire sparked to life in Perdiccas's eyes. "She had to die. The goddess said so. All of them had to die."

"Perdiccas," Lucius quietly stated, "I am married to Arria. I have given her my ring. You just nearly killed my wife."

Arria waggled the fingers of her left hand at Perdiccas, brightly. "Such a lovely ring it is."

Perdiccas gawped. This had not been on the agenda of gloom in his beady little mind.

"Were you planning on killing everyone but Bella so I would have an heir and no competition?" Lucius made that sound like it was a sweet gesture. Really.

"No. All the females had to die so the line would end. You would find another human wife and sire an heir. Your house would rule. The goddess promised. Why is she not answering me? I have been praying to her faithfully."

"Because she is dead." Gaia answered. "I killed her. Edward and his friends killed another tonight."

Perdiccas scoffed, "They are eternal. The goddesses called the three Fates cannot die."

"They can and do die although it is almost impossible to accomplish. The days of hunting my line have ended, Perdiccas. All three Fates are dead, two by my own hand. One by hers. And other minor gods and goddesses have fallen at the hand of my husband, Ares." Vivinna exhaled against her fingernails and brushed them against her collar while the crowd gawped.

Nothing says, "Be my Valentine," Telecles style, more than killing an interfering relation or two. Especially ones that are divine. Marcus positively beamed at his wife.

I cleared my throat and tried to forget for a second that I hated speaking. This was for Grace. Vengeance said so. "Begging your pardon, Sire, but I have an agreement to hand him over."

"To whom?"

"The party that helped me catch him in the first place. They are guardians of the land, and I can say little more than that."

Lucius did the equivalent of vampire blanching, poor sod, but kept his poise. "My offer still stands to pay restitution for what my brother has done. "

Starched Shirt Edward said, "That's what he gets for placing his faith in foreign gods. That Lucius seems to truly care for him."

Marcus said, "It would bankrupt you. He has killed that many of my descendants."

"They do not need money. You cannot buy them off. He killed one of their young."

"Great-Grandmother?" Bella asked.

"Yes, child."

"I think Great Uncle Aro is going to have to use his gift on Lucius and Perdiccas in order to make sure that all of this is true, and find out who aided Perdiccas." My little bottle cap turned to her new Stepfather and said, "You attacked Edward when he was bed ridden, I don't trust you as far as I could throw you. And someone has to look out for Mother's welfare." Arria appeared touched. She smiled at her daughter.

Standing by a silent Caius, Aro stepped forward and held out his hands happily, eager to serve. "This won't take long."

He touched Lucius first. "My, well, you won't be doing _that _particular trick you learned in Amsterdam on my niece, you naughty lad, you." Aro said to Marcus, "He is telling the truth. He meant us no harm and did not participate in the planning or orchestrating of any attack save that one he did on Edward. That was intended to let us know he meant business. Nothing personal, Edward." Aro then fantasized about trying that particular sexual technique on his wife. Oh, dear. God.

Can I just say, "Ew?" My Mother-in-law married a degenerate. And personal? Right. My foot. Aro moved to Perdiccas, who attempted to stop him. I might have lost my temper and used a power I have not exercised lately. Since he was weak from the fight, it proved to be less of a challenge than I had anticipated. I stripped him of his gifts. All of them. And goodness, my head hurt from the effort that it took.

"My powers!" Perdiccas wailed.

I tsked in mock sympathy, "Are no more."

"Who's next?" Bella said as she handed me a glass of algae.

No one made a sound.

Mary Alice chirped, "Uncle Aro, you'll need to read the entire clan. I am sure Lucius neglected to bring the majority of his people."

Gaia smiled at Bella and Mary Alice. "You two are wonderful additions to the family. You make me proud."

Arria said, "I reserve the right to decide his punishment since he tried to kill me and my child."

Gaia raised an eyebrow. "Arria, you know he longs for death."

"That is why he deserves something far worse. Give him to the guardians like Edward promised. Chain him to a rock. Let them feast upon him every day at their will. Then make him heal. Eternally. I want him to suffer so that it looks like Prometheus was lucky."

Jugurtha laughed. "We had best be careful never to get on her bad side. That was a wicked punishment."

Gaia said, "So it shall be."

I said to Grace, "He's all yours." Perdiccas simply vanished without a squeak after being banged against a column or five.

"Who was the female with him?" I asked.

"One of my older sisters. She is no more." Gaia shrugged. "Another one aided him tonight. She is no longer with us."

The FitzFlock shrieked as a white power illuminated them from within. "All is well," Gaia assured me as the birds grew to double their normal size. "My husband is giving you a wedding gift, Edward and Bella."

The flock bowed to her, crying in delight. Suck ups. Bella held out her arms and they flew back to us and vanished before the astonished assembly. They had heard stories about me using birds. No one in the aristocracy had known that a human could have that talent.

Bella turned and wrapped her arms around my waist, hiding her face in my shirt. My darling wife. She had suffered more than I could imagine when I was away all those months ago.

"I love you." I did not care who heard that declaration.

"Me, too," she muttered into my chest.

I wanted to shout "Finally!" from the rafters. Not that we had any in our present location. But I had to comfort her. She was my priority now. I would relive those two words at length later. I lifted my dear little devoted one in my enthusiasm so her feet dangled in the air and hugged her. Her arms snaked around my neck, Bella kept her face against me.

"He's gone to an eternal hell, Bella. He cannot ever hurt you again."

"Remind me not to ever make Grace upset, Edward." She hiccuped.

King Larce stood and said, "Blessed by the gods and by my word, this marriage stands. We have two weddings to celebrate this eve."

Wait. I got dragged from my marital bed for a battle and a _party_? This was completely unfair - like what Tanya's book called quickie sex without the orgasm. Happily, I would take the battle. Parties meant speaking, and sprightly gadding about which some called dancing. And more talking. Bella looked equally perplexed. I put her down reluctantly as our family approached us.

"Parties buy you time. Perhaps our dear peach will fall asleep?" Starched Shirt Edward said.

Queen Mary Sue hugged Bella and said, "Edward, we're going to borrow her for a minute. We have a dress for her."

Lord help us. I did not bother to hide my distress. Nor did Vivinna and Arria.

"Be calm. I made it," Gaia said. Oh, why didn't she say so in the first place? Gaia had impressive taste. I remembered that other dress she made for her when Bella acted as demon bait.

"Come, Edward." Skeevy clapped me on the back. "We have clothing for you as well."

Vivinna had wanted to dress me as the Green Demon, and I had adamantly refused.

"Bella was traumatized that day. I do not want her seeing me wearing those clothes."

She grumbled. I raised an eyebrow and nodded in Gaia's direction. Brightly, Vivinna offered me another selection of clothing. My Grand-Mother-in-law had issues. Serious issues. Beyond being a parent who misplaced her children for hundreds of years. I was never letting her babysit the twins.

Half an hour later, after pacing the floor, they let me see my bride. They had her in a gown of Catharnai purple, with jewels woven into her upswept hair. She wore slippers that matched her dress.

"Words alone cannot do you justice. I feel like a beggar standing before a feast." I kissed her hand.

"Do you like it?"

"I do. And smacking Perdiccas around with the birds was awesome." She giggled. "Bella, why did you not tell me about what he had done?"

"I thought he was one of Victoria's people and long dead. When you came back he left me alone for a while." Oh. Well, that made sense.

"When did that stop?"

"A few months back I started dreaming of him. I explained it away as me being insecure."

"Why?"

She sighed, "Because he would wear your face and say that he did not love me and did not want to marry me and he never used words like you did. He did not know the things that you did about me. He also talked too much. I thought I was playing mind games on myself."

"You know that is not true. Why did you not say something? I cannot bear to think of you suffering like that in silence."

"Now I know better. No more secret-keeping. Scout's honor."

We shook on it. I felt like a cad. Really. She should not have to keep things like that from me. Most assuredly, I hated keeping secrets from her. I understood her pain. Really.

I extended my gift to scan the environment. In the gigantic assembly hall now transformed into a ballroom, music played. Haughty aristocrats fake-smiled as more arrived having heard the news. As we made our way to the ballroom, my bride seemed jubilant, my family relieved. Tanya was behaving, sincerely contrite, and had her hands full with the newborns lining them up in order of rank so we could make a procession into the room. I was a content man as I touched my wedding ring with my left thumb every few seconds to remind myself that I had not hallucinated this moment. At long last, I could boast that we were officially married in both the human world and vampverse, too.

King Larce and Mary Sue were ahead of us and we heard the cheers of the guests as they entered. Bella leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek as we approached, trailed by our family, the door to the hall.

"Half an hour and then we blow this taco stand?"

"You desire to eat Mexican food?" She laughed. "Attack a Mexican eatery as a form of wedding celebration?" Bella only laughed harder. I handed her an inhaler.

Highly amused, my family watched. Even Jane smiled as she texted Tyler.

Emmett said to my mind in the Xeta dialect,_ "It's slang for leaving, Edward. She wants to leave in half an hour. We'll insist that we need to hunt and leave the women here and follow you to the house. Remember the plan."_

Women! Why did she not simply _say_ that?

"My Queen, I will take you anywhere you want. But first, let us face the enemy, I mean the party, together, shall we?"

"_What about the mansion?"_ I asked Emmett._ "It's snowing tonight and the back wall is gone."_

"_I have a crew already working on it. By the time Mother and Father are ready to return, it should be done._

Bella had managed to obtain four hours of sleep; the new heating system worked quite well in the assembly hall. Settled by the thrones, the twins slept undisturbed in cradles that Metie Telecles had carved by hand for them, under blankets hand-embroidered by the newborn sisters. Decimus and his mate guarded them while Rosalie and Emmett took a turn on the floor. I refused to subject Bella to dancing.

I expected my bride to quickly tire. Instead, damn her, she acted completely alert. Overjoyed, too. Marcus and Arria ensured that we were properly introduced to a plethora of Lost Coven patricians. Most were polite enough to avoid staring at me as if I were the freak of nature. They all believed me to be the green demon of legend. Bella impressed them with her fluency in Oscan. And since we had made the birds invisible on her, that caused even more wonderment among the assembly. Father arranged that my glass of algae was constantly refilled by hovering servants.

The minutes roared by until it was time for us to leave. Decimus and our guards walked with us as we made our farewells. Wonderful. How grand my life had become. I now had a harpy of a Mother-in-law wedded to a troll of a Father-in-law both of whom occasionally contemplated my death; albeit for entirely different motivations.

Jugurtha tutted, "Now. Now. Arria saved us earlier tonight. She actually married Lucius to protect her daughter. We have to give her credit where it is due. If he wants to hold onto his ashes, he will behave. Arria will keep him on his toes or hang him by them."

I snorted at the image.

"Not every one decides after one look, you know."

"Decides what?"

"I think Lucius is a potential mate. Those two are well matched."

"Yes. In combat. My money was on her mopping the ground with him," I joked. "She towers over him by two inches and I bet she uses a sword better."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "There is something I do not understand. You should ask that Gaia woman while our bride is saying goodbye to the newborns."

"What?"

"How Lucius almost killed you. He should not be that powerful. He does not seem to have that power with him now." Good point. That. In case he suffered from terminal stupidity and tried again. Perhaps seeing me strip Perdiccas of his power had caused him to disguise his own.

"Madam, how did Lucius manage to attack me the last time?"

"Tanya."

Exasperated, I asked, "What has my cousin gone and done now?"

"Hold your ire. She is innocent of fault in this. When Lucius was newly born, she understandably feared for his life. The babe she had switched him with had been murdered, and there were rumors that he had escaped harm. She took him to a temple and begged the priestess there to save him."

"I assume she offered something in return for the favor."

"The priestess agreed to make Lucius powerful against his enemies. She gave Tanya a charm as a token of their agreement and the babe Perdiccas to raise at his side as his brother. Tanya gave up ever being in love again and hid the children."

Ouch. So that explained why Tanya could move from relationship to relationship.

Gaia extended her hand; it held a charm that I knew Tanya always wore. "She gave this to me tonight and told me that she no longer needed it."

Wait. What? So that was what that whispering had been about earlier. It melted in Gaia's hand and she crumbled the rest into dust.

"She just threw Lucius to the wolves?"

"In a manner of speaking. He attacked you for political purposes to convince our house that he meant war if they did not give him a bride."

"That happened months ago."

"He's not dead, Edward. They kept him alive because he has political connections that are beneficial."

"Oh."

"But Lucius has long thought that he could not die because he had the protection of my late sister and the power of Perdiccas. Alexander told Tanya that the sacrifice she made was not worth it. Even he gave his blessing for what Tanya did."

"Does Lucius realize that his powers are depleted?"

"Not yet," her grin was vicious. "Soon he will. I think he will fit in with the family." We looked over to where he stood gazing up at his bride who ignored him. "She will have him eating from her hand in a short time. Underneath the bluster, he is a good man."

I sighed.

"I understand your brothers and Father plan on hunting around your other dwelling. I will send them along in a few moments."

Fine. I hesitated leaving the room with Lucius still standing. What if he got around Aro's mind like I had? And Marcus had? Did Aro really believe that whole, 'underneath my suave hoity-toity façade is a poor orphan boy longing for a family,' drivel?

Jugurtha said, "Do you really think that Gaia would let him marry her granddaughter if she seriously thought he was a threat? Wait. Don't answer that."

Gaia said into my mind, _"Edward, all will be well here at least for this night. Go in peace."_

Bella stood with Mary Alice and Rosalie and they all hugged in some sort of female ritual that escaped me.

Jugurtha said, "She looks so relaxed with our sisters. Like she truly feels she belongs."

I nodded. He was right. She did. At the moment, she and Mary Alice had their heads together as my sister promised Bella that all our luggage had been sent ahead to the mountain house.

"_Madam,"_ I said to Gaia's mind, _"one last thing."_

"_What is it, boy?"_ We made an odd picture standing there saying nothing aloud in the crowded hall.

I met her fathomless eyes, _"The next time you decide to use Bella and me as bait, please give us the courtesy of a warning. Bella has a weak heart and fragile nerves. You have no idea how hard she and I have worked to make her healthy. She is going to have nightmares about this evening for months. I was trying to give her a good memory of this day to replace the horror of last year." _

When I detected a lack of a reaction, I held out my hand. Meeting her palm I showed Gaia again the suffering that Bella had endured in the charnel ballroom of Italy while huddled over the blood-splattered twins, the nights of screaming without shedding a tear, the stony silences, her emaciated body, scarred shoulder, hollowed cheeks, and her coughing blood into her palm, wheezing for breath. Then I showed her Bella crying in the car after the grocery store, tonight before I proposed, and glimpses of her at our wedding ceremony. _"I did that to her. She will bear those scars for life. She has suffered enough."_

"_Edward, your main flaw regarding Bella is that you underestimate her. I am giving her the tools so that she need never fear another."_

"_The human mind is a delicate thing. Bella is being treated for depression and anxiety. Talk to my sister Rosalie or my Father."_

"_Today is also memorable because you both survived attacks by two different goddesses. They did not. Take joy, Edward, where you can find it. Life is cruel. Life is suffering. You cannot protect Bella from it all. You can help her grow stronger."_

Jugurtha cleared his throat, "We must be on our way. Remember to be gracious with the Priestess. She did save your neck tonight." That she did. I could not help but feel familial affection for the gruff woman.

I clasped her warm hands, treated her as I would my own human Mother, and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for your aid. I should probably collect my bride. It is almost dawn," I said aloud.

It brought me joy to hear how Bella's heart rate soared when I touched her shoulder and whispered, "Are you ready, my Queen?" in her ear.

Radiantly, she smiled, "l will follow you anywhere, Edward."

Gaia followed us from the room. She lingered behind to make sure that none traced our movements as she opened a portal for us. Before we left, Bella hugged her Great-Grandmother, much to the woman's delighted surprise.

We stepped through into the living room of my mountain retreat. I mean _our _house. With my Quileute gifts, I created a privacy shield and scanned the area. Aside from a few startled Roosevelt elk and owls, I sensed nothing to cause alarm.

"Grace does not report anything but animals for miles," I assured Decimus; who warmly shook my hand and clapped me on the back. Bella insisted on thanking each of our guards by name. The Fake Canadians left us and melted into the forest outside and joined legionnaires that Marcus sent. He seemed determined that we would be left in peace. Hezekiah's staff walked itself over to a corner.

Waking them, I sent all the FitzFlock out to play, suggested they pester Decimus, and told them to stay away until we called for them. Excited like children on the last day of school, they walked through the walls, sprang into the air and soared after one another, oblivious to the snow.

Once we were alone, Bella threw her arms around my neck. I did the gentlemanly thing of lifting and holding her by the waist, cherishing the moment. Did she want to start the honeymoon in the front hallway? She kissed me. I guessed that meant "yes," and my, what a fantastic kisser she was.

"Edward, I was so scared they would take you away. Thank you for defending me, for marrying me, just thank you."

She shook as she spoke. I rubbed her back and carried her to the sofa. Someone had set a fire burning in the hearth. I sat with her on my lap, and pulled a heavy afghan around her. She used her inhaler.

"No one will part us, Bella. No one has the power."

Except of course for Gaia, but I didn't believe that hogwash. So there.

"That won't stop them from trying. Even I know that."

"Together, Bella we can face any challenge."

"Like Lucius? Can I expect to get dragged out of bed again by another cranky vampire?" I don't think "cranky" described Father. Perhaps there was another meaning of the term?

"She meant that _Lucius _was the cranky one," Jugurtha said. Right. My thanks. I had no idea how I would cope without my minister of mayhem.

"Lucius pulled a political stunt tonight, my Queen. He wanted to marry Arria all along."

Perhaps it was a good thing she was unarmed and Lucius far away in the hall of a Lost Coven King. Bella growled, "So he felt the need to turn me into a _pawn_?"

"Yes."

She ranted, "Are his lips broken? Couldn't he just ask like a grown man? How _old_ is he? Thirteen? Jerk."

"It was a power move. Demand something outrageous and bargain down to what you really want. He comes away looking savvy. Except Marcus got the last laugh."

"How?"

"Your Grandfather dictated the terms of the marriage by insisting that it be a _sine manu _union in public. Arria is still under the authority of _his _house, not Lucius'. He does not gain an acre of land, nor an ounce of gold. Even better, Arria can divorce him if she so desires and he cannot prevent it."

"Ugh. Aristocratic intrigue. He pulled us out of bed on our wedding night for that? I am so decking that man when I'm a newborn." That should have made her feel better, yet still she shook.

"What is wrong?"

She said nothing at first. We sat listening to the crackle of the fire and the beating of our hearts. Softly, she confessed, "I hated them talking about . . . " Her face flushed and she briefly pointed to her skull before dropping her hand.

"The immortal world does not really have an understanding of what a disability is. Marcus explained to me during the Vampire wars only the strongest were turned. Vampires like Emmett would have been destroyed."

"You mean clumsy people like me never would have been turned." She had a bite in her voice.

"Nor me," I said. "I was a prayer from dying when Carlisle broke all the rules and turned me. I did not stand out as a human. Tonight, you showed your mettle. They will be dragged into the twenty-first century on this issue, I promise you. It will take time."

"Edward, I _can't stand_ the way they stare at me."

"Oh, me, too."

She choked on a laugh, covered her mouth with a hand, then dropped it and said, "I think it's safe to say you scare them."

I tapped my forehead, "I agree. They consider me an abomination, Bella. Their thoughts about you, though, are charitable. Siccing the birds on that jerk made you their hero - especially because you are human and capable of doing it."

"I just want to be normal."

"But there is nothing common about you, Bella. You are a ferocious, intelligent, not to mention gorgeous human standing in the middle of a room full of blood-thirsty immortals without screaming the house down." I kissed her. "I'm not exactly normal, either, you know." I hoped to lift her spirits.

She changed the subject. "Thank you for taking me here. I love it. It is perfect for our honeymoon."

"What do you like about it?"

"It's more _you_ than your room."

"Our room."

"Right. I love how it's built on the side of the mountain. I feel like I'm in a tree house walking in on the second floor, with the bedrooms downstairs. It's small. I love the deck." She pointed to the French doors that led to it.

"That is my favorite part of it. I could spend hours out there."

"You know I love to cook and the kitchen is fantastic. You cannot beat the view. Best of all, we cannot be disturbed by prying eyes. Especially in the last few months, the mansion always has visitors."

I had my mouth open to answer when all rational cognition took flight. She got up on her knees, placing one on either side of my too-still thighs, grabbed my hair in her hands and delicately pressed her lips against mine.

"Control," Jugurtha said. "You've kissed her before." Good point. "And you drank enough algae that you should be glowing green of your own accord tonight." I did not bother to remind him that the algae prevented me from lusting after other people's blood: not hers. Or that with our increased mate bond the desire that I felt now far overshadowed anything I had experienced before.

This felt so amazing. Her lips. Her taste. Her scent. A holy Trinity of desire. I could do this happily all night. I felt perfectly in control. I ran my fingers down her back.

With swollen lips and red cheeks, Starched Shirt Edward reminded me, "Famous last words." He kept patting his lips as if he had imagined the kiss. Which he totally had. I was kissing her, not him.

Then she whispered those dreaded words, "Take me to bed, Real Husband."

Perhaps I tried too hard?

Emmett had personally altered our downstairs bedroom so that it would work with our plan. He had taken out a section of a wall and replaced it with a larger window so that it would remind us of the one we had at the mansion. And he had left the bushes in place that were right outside. My brothers and Father were literally going to lurk in the shrubbery like perverts and make sure I did not kill my bride. Since we had excellent vision ,they would not be right outside the window, but close enough to assist should I begin to lose my control. They were the best. Now I had to figure out how to protect my bride's modesty and seduce her before daylight.

"I believe, my Queen, that it is tradition that I should carry you over the threshold."

"You're not taking me outside in this outfit. It's cold."

"Will the threshold of the bedroom suffice?"

"It will."

"Excellent."

The Beast from Chicago said, "Perhaps we should consider all our options." I had a difficult time focusing because my bride planted one scorcher of a kiss on my mouth and proceeded to pay similar attention to my neck. Ye gads! She yanked off my tie and began working at the top two buttons of my shirt.

"We can get through tonight. Remember the plan. Focus," Jugurtha reminded me.

Right. What he said. Starched Shirt Edward was red-faced. Jugurtha took him by the elbow and said, "Come, we must give them privacy for a time. To the cave. I have distressing magazines about women. I need your opinion on their decency."

"Really? Fine. Just this once," Starched Shirt Me trailed alongside him like sheep to the slaughter.

"Real Husband?"

"Yes, Real Wife?"

"I am a desperate woman."

Indeed.

"I need a favor."

"Of course."

"Get these things," she pointed to the amethyst and diamond jewels pinned in her hair, "off of me. I did not want to hurt the newborns' feelings. They hurt my head."

Those jewels were going to die.

"Careful," the Beast warned, "you could pull out her hair. Best move at a slower pace. Let's discuss your options while you do that. You could ask for help, you know. She finally told you that she loved you. Do not discount that."

I had worked so hard to finally hear those precious words from her. I could not fail to make her happy. Not when she loved me. Me. Abominable, reformed, hopelessly-in-love-with-her me.

"I have requested aid from my family. I act out of love for her. Do you think I would violate our privacy otherwise?"

"Yes, but that is a temporary solution at best. Your brothers and Father have no idea of the true extent of your problem. Mary Alice cannot predict your future accurately. Why not tell Bella the truth? You told her to stop keeping secrets, and you persuaded her to open up to you earlier this eve."

"Of course I said that. I meant it. She should not keep secrets from me."

"But you are doing the same to her. How is that fair?"

"I promised to try to make love. I am going to keep that promise. And you told me to forget the notion of fair."

"I did. In wartime. With your enemies. Not your wife. But you plan on rendering her unconscious. Why is that?"

"Because she cannot know that I will go unsatisfied. I will make tonight all about her pleasure."

I pulled the last pin from her hair and massaged her scalp.

"Gosh, Edward, that feels so good." She slipped off her shoes.

I was seated on the couch. Standing up, my wife pushed the suit jacket from my shoulders and began unbuttoning my shirt, peppering me with kisses on my face. She did not seem to be repulsed by the scars on my chest, although she kept her eyes on me the entire time. I heard the sound of fabric rustling as Bella's dress had to up and run off her body. Which totally was not fair. I liked her in the dress. And I had wanted to be the one to undress her for the first time. As a husband. She bent forward carefully, lifted her gown and laid it on the coffee table.

Just then I heard movement in the shrubbery outside the living room. I had kept the privacy barrier in place so the guards could not see or hear my family. They were on a slope facing the deck.

Father mentally reminded me, _"Edward, the sun would rise soon. We do not have long."_

I did not answer. I had no words. My bride stood before me wearing some confection made out of lace and ribbons – something that looked positively sinful. Ribbon garters held thigh-high stockings in place on her toned legs.

Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha had come out of the cave with Starched Shirt Edward sporting an erection and muttering about sinful pictures of unclothed women. Jugurtha clapped his hand over Starched Shirt Edward's eyes a moment too late. The twerp yelped and promptly fainted in Jugurtha's arms.

"Jeez, Edward, you are one lucky man," Emmett crowed.

"Emmett, behave," Father scolded. "We are here to help, not embarrass your brother. This is difficult for one as private as he."

"What? I just said the truth. I can appreciate Bella in a brotherly way."

The short hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention, and I growled.

Jasper said, "Woo, buster. Down boy."

Douglas picked that time to make an appearance. He jumped on Emmett's shoulder.

"Hey there, little guy. Edward's kinda busy right now. But you can hang with us." Emmett reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of almonds that he tore open. "Here, have a nut."

Father and Jasper stared askance at him.

"You, too?" Jasper asked.

"What? Edward carries almonds for Bella. In case she gets hungry. She eats all the time. So I started carrying them. Trust me, she's definitely not hungry for _these_ nuts right now," he blurted.

"Emmett, do not be crude. We do not want to anger Edward," Father warned.

Out of the corner of my eye at vampire speed, I glared at him.

I bolted from the couch, grabbed my shirt off the carpet, and put it on her at wolfpire speed buttoning it up.

"Um, Edward, if we're going to do this right, both of us have to not have clothes on. Why are you putting clothes on me?" She sounded mortified. I stopped.

So I told her the absolute truth. "I have this . . . fantasy . . . of undressing you for the first time."

"You're doing fine, Edward." Jasper assured me. "That was a great excuse. You made her happy."

Her eyes widened. I did not think it possible for her to flush more. She surprised me.

I did not have to fake being nervous. I hastened to add, "I hope you don't find it improper."

At the word "improper" Starched Shirt Edward came to.

"You!" he pointed a finger at me, "This plan in shameful. You should not have them looking upon your naked bride. You betray her precious trust that you toiled so hard to earn."

Jugurtha wrapped his hand around Starched Shirt Edward's skull, forcing him to turn away and meet his eyes. In a low voice he said, "First, she is not naked. Second, sometimes we have to do wrong in order to do right. We do this for her safety because we love her."

Bella said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think. That's fine."

Discreetly, I gulped back a mouthful of venom. "No worries. I can be flexible in the fantasy," I assured her.

I had millions of different fantasies involving her. Not lurid ones like that moron, Mike Newton. Her glorious scent enveloped me, serenading me with its siren lure. I really wanted to chomp on her at that moment. The smell of her. The sight of her. I was a very lucky man. My manly parts concurred.

By Saint Peter's rod! She peeked at my trousers. Bella leaned toward me. "I like the idea of you taking my clothes off. That's hot, Edward."

Jugurtha said, "There is no need for shame. It would be bad if you were _not _aroused at that vision of her, my good man. You are married. Carry on."

"Bella, I like you in my shirt. And _what_ are you wearing underneath?"

She stared down at it before meeting my gaze. "You like it?" She sounded unsure.

"Agree!" My father and brothers said together at vampire pitch

"Oh, my, yes," I swore on the honor I did not have.

"The newborns gave it to me as a wedding gift. I think it's called a corset? It's kind of hard to breathe in it."

Bella faced me, her back to the window. I ignored Emmett's comment about my wife's apple-cheeked posterior. He was trying to keep me distracted, which he was. And I tried to appreciate his vulgarity in my hour of need.

"Damn, I'm letting them take Rosie shopping," Emmett joked.

An image of a semi-naked, lingerie-adorned Mary Alice that I most assuredly wanted to scour from my memory popped into Jasper's brain. He did not feel the need of the newborns' assistance in that department. _"Sorry, Edward,"_ he said.

I was trying to fake-seduce my wife, and my brothers were doing a valiant job of attempting to kill the mood.

Jasper said, "Edward, dawn is approaching and she will be able to see us. You are going to have to skip to the contingency plan c that we established."

Jugurtha pointed at my dear little desirable one and ordered, "That is impeding our dear little Delilah's ability to respire. It must die."

Jugurtha did not need to tell _me_ twice. What? I don't mean to brag. But I had fast fingers. Nimble, too. They were going to have to serve me well tonight. Sitting Bull would totally agree. Real men used their hands. Not that I was one. But still. The last button in the shirt came undone to reveal her lingerie. That particular shade of ivory against the cream of her skin. How it lovingly framed the swell of her breasts. The garters and stockings. Oh my . . . oh me. . . oh my. . .I was going to buy her a decade's supply of those garments. I unlaced the corset, and she took in a deep breath.

"Oh that feels nice. Thank you. I can breathe."

Jugurtha got his wish regarding my wife's derriere. "Put your hands on my shoulders."

I trailed my fingers up the back of her right thigh under the shirt, held her leg up against my hip, and unclipped the garters. I dragged the stocking towards me. I took my time. Her breaths were shallow. She said not a word, gravely watching as I slipped the fabric from her foot and caressed her ankle. Gently I lowered her leg to the floor.

"Other leg."

Shaking, she held it out carefully. It was the one she had broken in Phoenix's first attack on the house due to my carelessness. I cautiously lifted it and stopped halfway. "Am I hurting you?"

"No," she stared down and swallowed. "I am just a little dizzy." Oh, me too. Most definitely.

I tugged the stocking from her thigh grazing the back of her leg as I removed it. I really enjoyed undressing my wife. The corset fell to the floor with my assistance, revealing her breasts. I could stare at them forever. Had thought about them for ages. She was exquisite. The medallions dangled from their chain against her breasts, shining.

I left her in the open shirt that reached her knees and a small pair of panties. We had not even reached formal foreplay, but I was definitely an undead man whimpering.

"Shall we retire, Mrs. Cullen?"

Careful positioning ensured that my family could not see her exposed chest. She squeaked as I swept her into my arms. I whispered, "Bella, you are enchanting. I long to make you mine. I have spent more hours planning this night than you can possibly imagine." Which was the honest truth. What? I had. And coming from me, that was a veritable oration.

"Um, Buddy, that sounds straight out of a dime-store paperback. Make it sound real," Emmett suggested.

Quite possibly, I might have appropriated a few lines from a romance novel I had perused during my research. But it was for a good cause. Women liked the dark Byronic tormented heroes in them. Right? They must. My research showed they spent over one billion dollars a year reading them. So I had to be right. Emmett was definitely wrong in this. Money did not lie. And by her reaction, my wife seemed overwhelmed. So there.

No one could see us here as I descended the staircase. Bella eagerly wrapped her arms around my neck and offered me a kiss that positively curled my toes. I never wanted it to end. I stopped mid-way on the stairway and pressed her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around my waist as her shirt fell open. To her credit, she followed the rules and did not try to open my mouth. At the taste of her, venom coursed over my tongue. I gulped. Her skin felt so warm against mine. I tried not to think about her naked breasts pressed against me. Tried. My traitorous thumbs had other ideas, damn them. Bella moaned as I paid homage to her.

Starched Shirt Edward ejaculated. Verbally. Pervert. "You _cannot_ take our dear little peach on the stairs like a trollop."

"That is foreplay. Now that they are married he can take her on the kitchen table provided she is willing. Does she appear distressed?" Jugurtha smacked him across the back of the head. "The sooner she comes to orgasm, the safer she will be. And the staircase cannot be seen by the family. I vote he stays another thirty seconds. And perhaps the family need not hear this?"

Good point. I blocked them. They need not be mind readers to figure out why.

"Oh. My." Starched Shirt Edward fanned himself and turned his back. No doubt to hide the front of his trousers.

Father said to my mind, _"Son? We cannot hear or see you. We are going to move outside the bedroom."_

"_We are almost out of time. Edward, by your silence I am going to assume that the plan is underway. Get to the bedroom," _Jasper instructed.

I managed to gasp back to them, _"I cannot have you hearing this. Or seeing all of it. I made her promises that I must try to keep." _

One single kiss and my wandering hands were all it took for me to accept that the plan to cheat indeed represented the prudent and ethical course of action if I wanted to keep my dear little demented wife in one piece before I bit her to un-death. There was the letter of the law, and then there was the spirit of the law. There was no way I could get through the night and not drain her dry if we kept at this pace. I knew without looking in a mirror that my eyes had darkened to pitch in color. She made me weak in the knees. I heard myself gasping.

Bella pulled away from a kiss. I almost whined.

She whispered, "Bed. Edward. Now."

Right. How I loved my bossy human wife. I carried her down the rest of the stairs into the bedroom. Then she nibbled on my ear. It felt so good. I almost tripped over the luggage that had been placed at the foot of the bed. I gently nudged the cases out of my way.

Someone had almost completely shut the curtains over the glass wall. Only about an inch of window appeared. I could not leave her and yank them open. That would be odd and definitely out of character. This must be fate.

The lights were off in the room. Bella seemed too occupied kissing the side of my neck to care about the state of the curtains. I could hear my family outside standing side-by-side. Douglas shook his head at Emmett, left the nut he had been chewing on my brother's shoulder, and scampered away. Decimus' mate had turned the sheets down. I slipped off my shoes.

She stared up at me so trustingly as I laid her down upon the soft sheets. It was still chilly in the house so I pulled the covers over us. Bella reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. She traced a finger down my nose. "You look so . . . serious. Don't be scared. It will all be fine." Then she nearly gave me a heart attack by removing her medallions - the ones that had saved her life on more than one occasion - and placing the necklace on the table by the bed.

Innocently, she blinked up at me; which should have warned me she was up to something. That, and the racing of her heart.

"Edward?" I was kissing her shoulder, resting my weight on my forearms.

"Mmmm?" I moved to the other shoulder. She tasted incredible. And her clavicle deserved worship as well. So did the hollow of her throat, the inside of her elbow, and her fingertips.

Jasper said, "Edward, dawn is going to be in four minutes. Stick to the plan."

Her hands touched my waist and she tugged at my belt. "You're wearing too much."

Right. That. I froze. She undid my belt and slowly pulled it off of me with a shy smile. It was the most erotic thing I have ever seen. I took it from her and tossed it across the room. I could not have her tripping on it.

"Oh, and before I forget, Tanya said it would be safer if I was on top the first time."

My filthy mind went back to my fantasy of her writhing atop me. Perhaps I gawped like a beached carp. My dear little merciless one pressed her advantage and pulled me down to her curved lips. I tried mightily to ignore the sensation of my bare skin pressed against her breasts. And failed.

"I love you, Edward."

I almost came undone. Fantasy Bella of my venom leakage research had become Real Bella in my ecstatic arms. And then she had to go and kiss me again as together we fell into Chaos' embrace.

* * *

**Snarky Summary: The honeymoon will continue in the next chapter. Swear. Oh, what can my sick mind think of for these two young lovers to do? Decisions….decisions…..decisions…Okay, so we saw a bit of how the Beast trained Edward during his Rebellious period. Bella proves that she is indeed smoking hot in all the right ways during battle. Grace and her friends have a talon to pick with the attackers and help Edward and the family. We finally got to see what crawled up Lucius and died. Speaking of death, we also found out just who has been tracking down the ancestors of Marcus for all this time and why. Arria proved that in a pinch, she'll do just about anything to save her daughter. Including marriage. I don't know about you, but I have mental images of her and Luscious having wild monkey sex that ends with her biting his head off like a female praying mantis does to her mate. You? Bella gets her feathers in a tizzy and settles a score with an old friend. Tanya proves her family loyalty. Jane and Alec welcome Lucius to the family warmly. King Larce throws a proper shindig. Edward has a chat with Gaia about her boundary issues. And Bella and Edward return to the Mountain house and begin their proper wedding night with their family improperly skulking in the shrubbery. For moral purposes. Of course. **

**Please review. Douglas is waving his nuts at you. And those who do, get teased with a scene from the honeymoon that I will not post anywhere else. *blinks* Evil author's honor.**

* * *

**References **

Here's the family tree designed by Mizra:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/family-history1-1 (dot) jpg

Meet Lucius: http:/image (dot) qpicture (dot) com/image/o/artist-oded-fehr/oded-fehr-175164 (dot) jpg

This inspired Arria's place:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/thecrypt (dot) jpg

I imagine the outside of her place to look like this:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/ (dot) jpg

Mizra made this for Douglas the Destroyer (nickname courtesy of Ksangi), who was kidnapped by Fantasy Mother and locked up with hooker chipmunks. It was written by Henrietta, his mate, which explains the mis-spelling. Really. Poor Duggie!

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/DouglasMissingposterbyMizra (dot) jpg

Grace and her friends look like this:

http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/pterosaur-1 (dot) jpg

This, dear readers, is a morning star. Ouch. That looks like it would smart to get hit by one.

http:/www (dot) elfwood (dot) com/art/a/n/anttio/morningstar (dot) jpg

For top ten reasons why Alexander really was great check out: http:/www (dot) livescience (dot) com/history/top10_alexander_great-1 (dot) html

This is a biography of Alexander the Great: http:/www (dot) historyofmacedonia (dot) org/AncientMacedonia/AlexandertheGreat (dot) html

For more on the Roman Colosseum: http:/www (dot) roman-colosseum (dot) info/

Rome had interesting laws and customs surrounding marriage: http:/www (dot) classicsunveiled (dot) com/romel/html/marrcustwom (dot) html

I've taken liberties with Greek mythology for the purposes of this story. For more on the minor gods and goddesses see: http:/www (dot) crystalinks (dot) com/greekgods2 (dot) html

Prometheus - um wow, don't make the gods mad: http:/www (dot) theoi (dot) com/Titan/TitanPrometheus (dot) html

Arria and Bella both have _sine manu _marriages: http:/abacus (dot) bates (dot) edu/~mimber/Rciv/women (dot) htm

Edward was not kidding about how much we spend on romance novels. See?

http:/www (dot) rwa (dot) org/cs/the_romance_genre/romance_literature_statistics/industry_statistics

Montesquieu is the one who distinguished between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law:

http:/www (dot) claremont (dot) org/publications/crb/id (dot) 1699/article_detail (dot) asp


	70. Kiss Me

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Twelve – Kiss Me**

**Thanks to LJ Summers, Fantasy Mother, Farkle, Prettyflour, and Pomme_de_terre for the beta-ing. You all spoil me so. **

*****This chapter contains sick, twisted, positively pornographic snark, and immature sexual content. You have been warned. *****

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Quick A/N: Stop snorting. I can write a quick note. See? As exercised in this chapter the "plan" is not perfect – and I designed it that way. Edward's Vulcan Nerve Pinch Plan violates Bella's trust in the worst sort of way. Mentally, he's trying to justify his thoughts and actions and find ways of making it "less bad."Also, his family does not have the full knowledge of what his problems are. Moreover, what THEY are doing is wrong. If characters behaved perfectly, well, that would bore me. I've tried to "show" in this story several events in which "good" people make bad choices– oftentimes with the best of intentions. Let's sit back and see what happens, shall we?**

**Song for the chapter - Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (link on my profile)**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Edward has a wee bit of a problem. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder informing me that he does not intend to sound immodest, but there is nothing "wee" about him, and that I clearly have issues with size. Whatever. If Wee CC Edward makes love to his wife, he could kill her. I mean, talk about the "little death". . . . turned "big-time-gone-for-good death." Bella has no idea how sincerely he wants to make love with her due to him enforcing those pesky sparkly cockblocking boundaries and running as if demons chased him every night to burn off his supernatural-sized unseemly urges - which as we saw a few chapters back, has left Bella an insecure mess having nightmares of getting dumped. **

**As his mate bond with Bella grows, so too does their mutual desire, yet it also places. a strain on Bella's frail human system. This causes her to eat like - well, let's put it this way, she could eat Emmett under the table. Not like that. ew. I mean she has to eat constantly to maintain her metabolism. Perverts. She's trying to put meat on those bone-Never mind.**

**Speaking of deviants, since Edward kinda sorta tore her clothes off in public – for moral non-mooning purposes, of course, and to convince her that he was not going to run out on her before the wedding, Edward asked Bella to elope. She said, "I'll think about it. Get back to me in five decades. Animal." Kidding. They were married at the Weber's house by the good Reverend with Eric Yorkie as best man and Angela as maid of honor. **

**Speaking of other deviants, wouldn't you know it, the eternally stunning Miss "The-World-Revolves-Around-Me-Me-Me-Me" Tanya had to steal the thunder by getting jumped by the Fake Canadians because she had been quite naughty. Family drama ensued with Tanya receiving some life lessons courtesy of Arria, Vivinna; and most importantly, Gaia, who stole everyone's thunder. Earth mother? I think not. *snorts* These women play mean. And Edward just married into that family, God bless his pointy little head. Talk about the Mother-in-law convention from Hell and Beyond.**

**Now Edward has a problem. He wants to have his Bella and eat her too. (Line inspired by fanficreader83). His wife is expecting epic "I really do love you" making love now that she's sporting a ring on her left hand. After all, they've been studying sex manuals for months – vampire sex manuals that specifically say "Only for Use by Vampires. No Shenanigans with Humans." That alone should make Edward a Super Freak (Bad Rick James joke. Okay, everyone who knows the song sing it with me, "Super Freak. Super Freak, He's Super Sparkly Now." *RAWR*). Edward also knows that Bella has had some one-on-one tutoring (not that kind. Pervert) from Tanya and her sisters in how to please him and her in bed. **_**Her**_** in that sentence being Bella, not Tanya and her sisters. Degenerates. I mean, I know I'm sick and twisted and all but I don't write group sex. **

**Okay, so I **_**kind of wrote an orgy**_** scene thirty chapters ago, but that totally didn't count. *blinks* Because it was a **_**fake**_** orgy. Right? No condoms were used. Aside for staging purposes. Same goes for the sex toys. Main Edward is tapping me on the shoulder with a lip curled and sneering that he has no use for those objects whatever they are. Starched Shirt Edward is nodding reverently in wide-eyed agreement, blushing that he's wearing on his left hand the only ring he'll ever need. Jugurtha is telling them to speak for themselves and reaching into the box, he thinks Bella would really enjoy...Never mind. They are currently wrestling. Jugurtha is complaining that Main Edward is no fun because he had to go and over-react and set all the sex toys on fire. Men. **

**So our Edward is one cornered weasel. Fortunately, fate is on his side and he is forced to have to save Tanya, and do other diplomatic activities rather than be alone shagging his wife. Even better, Bella is exhausted by the time they reach home and falls asleep, much to Edward's relief. Four hours later, shirtless Daddy Carlisle pulls them from their slumber saying the whole family has to go to Arria's place for a civil discussion involving jurisprudence of an entirely different kind regarding whether or not Edward and Bella's marriage is legal. You all can go play at Arria's. Imma gonna sit here and stare at Carlisle's pecs. *blinks* *where we we?* That man is so hot he can induce evil author amnesia. Temporarily. **

**Oh yeah, Bella and Edward are about ready to have a hissy fit when they get attacked. Talk about cosmic timing. Edward has never been so happy to have supernatural battle as an excuse to avoid sexin'. Bella calls for her kin folk to come help, which they decidedly do. Grace brings a crowd of extremely agitated disreputable friends. **

**Bella and Edward were taken to Arria for a blow-out of a Telecles bonfire party. Bella basically told the immortal audience that Edward was hers and she wasn't giving him up **_**not no way not no how **_**and she'd cut and dice the bitch that tried. Go, Bella! She told Lucius he'd need divine intervention to get her to even **_**think**_** he was attractive, too. Mouthy wench, ain't she, when she's peeved? Edward points out that considering Lucius claims to be the son of Alexander the Great, he is awfully marginal in comparison. *smirks* **

**Lucius married Arria "ball-buster" Telecles, which was his plan all along. He did not anticipate having Edward share his lurid fantasies concerning reign-dear games he wanted to play with Arria (let's all sing Depeche Mode's **_**Master and Servant **_**now) with her and her family. But hey, Edward is a giver. *snorts* Karma is also a bitch. Edward thinks it's only fair that he spread the good news as payback for that whole episode of Lucius trying to kill him a few chapters back when he was on his not-quite-deathbed. Jerk. Although for keeping-his-bride-alive purposes, Edward is not going to be too mean, because Lucius did offer a timely distraction. So he won't kill him. Yet. **

**Lucius gets welcomed - Jane and Alec style - after he mouths off on their family tree. Oops. I envision his assimilation into the Telecles clan to be highly entertaining. Lucius also gets told that he can only have Arria as his bride if he agrees to a **_**sine manu**_** marriage – Latin for "no hands on your wife" (totally lying there couldn't resist) which means that Arria stays a member of the Telecles-Catharnai household NOT Lucius' and her property and money remain hers. If Lucius fails to satisfy her, she can kick him to the curb without much of a legal challenge. Marcus politely informed him that he expects Lucius to take the Telecles surname. *gulp* Bye-bye boasting about dead daddy dearest. We all know that Arria is so not planning on giving Lucius head of any kind - including children.**

**As a result of that whole talking in public business, Lucius publicly acknowledges that Bella is **

**a) intelligent, **

**b) worthy of marriage to his fine and auspicious house. This combined with,**

**c) Bella siccing the FitzFlock on Perdiccas, Lucius' seer who had been silently stalking her while Edward and family were out of town makes Bella take on a new light in the immortal world. She's hot. Damn hot. Now I think it's safe to say that even more vampires want to marry her. *leers* Except King Larce pronounced the marriage to Edward legal. **

**Despite her being a "weak" human and all, the aristocrats are all kinds of curious about a) just how she came to exist (the Volturi tried for years to use IVF without success – something about Genevieve and Arria's story stinks) and, b) what kind of abilities she already has considering that Marcus made the birds on her invisible to all but close family and no one outside of the immediate family knows about that whole endless source of power dealio. **

**As our chapter ended, we found our young lovers, well, acting like young lovers. Edward was in the fore-plan, I mean beginning phases of his Vulcan Nerve Pinch Sex Substitute Statue of Liberty Plan, when a pair of almost closed curtains and the not quite rising sun sparkly-plan-blocked him. His brothers and Father have been skulking in the shrubbery feeding him lines now and then and trying to make sure he doesn't chomp chomp Bella in all the wrong ways – except now that he's moved down to the bedroom, they can't see much. In the front arc of this story, when describing the Vulcan Nerve Pinch move, Jasper assured Edward that people that they used it on woke up the next day with hazy memories. Remember that. Important. M'kay?**

**And now their time of assistance is rapidly coming to an end. Jasper has warned Edward to try Plan C, whatever that is. Edward is having an attack of stinging conscience-itis about his family being able to see or hear him and his wife, so he's cut off their ability to hear anything, and kept them from seeing his bride naked. Our favorite couple are under the covers and she's just taken his belt off and informed him that she would really like to be on top the first time. For safety purposes. Of course. *blinks* Tanya said so. Which means (say it with me) IT MUST BE TRUE.**

**Things you need to know to make this chapter make sense are as follows: Bella takes medication for pain and migraines 24/7. Edward is counting on that as part of his plan. Considering the first time he engaged in inadvertent venom leakage research, he destroyed Bella's bedroom, shattered glass for several miles, caused an earthquake, and almost killed her, Edward was not amused. And later, in the chapter Hitchcock, he skulked into the bushes over a hundred miles away from home and spanked his manly parts, causing earth-shattering results, traumatized-and-now-homeless animals, and deforestation. In order to even be able to engage in such sordid activities, Edward had an image he nicknamed Fantasy Bella, who was on top of him telling him that she loved HIM for who he really was. And wouldn't you know it, his wife has just asked to be on top, and told Edward that she loves him. Gulp. And planted one scorcher of a kiss in his lips.**

**Edward was bitten by some Eurotrash – well several Eurotrash children of the moon werewolves in this story. We still don't understand how that reacts with his wolf powers. We do know that he has the ability to transform into an almost forty-foot-tall hybrid of a European werewolf and a shapeshifter with shaman powers. Cranky, too. Bella knows that Edward can turn into a wolf if stuffed with too much power. What she doesn't know is that the last time he engaged in venom leakage research, he morphed into a wolf and had no memory of what he **_**did**_** during said phase, waking up naked in a lake surrounded by baffled legionnaires. **

**Edward also has several voices in his head that assist him. Starched Shirt Edward is the parody of the superego – the voice in your mind that struggles with right or wrong. Jugurtha is most definitely a satire of the Id, the "I want!" drive that we all have in us, damn the consequences. He also has Dream Edward that he narrates this story to, an idea that Bella came up with when delirious that he refuses to see as part of himself. Lastly, he has the aid of the Beast of Chicago, that part that he found during his rebellious years that trained him in just about everything he knows about fighting. So in addition to his family, he's dealing with his own inner Greek chorus. Or world's most awkward back-seat drivers (had to go there, couldn't resist). And with that, let's get back to the bedroom, where we find our young lovers under the covers. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Cullenary Coupling: Chapter Twelve – Kiss Me**

Father cleared his throat and said to my brothers, "She is not afraid of him. The newest Cullen definitely has spunk."

Jasper and Emmett howled, "We beg to differ. This is a spunk-free zone."

I ignored the cretins. When was that sun supposed to arrive? I wanted them gone. No. I needed them around. Drat.

I could not tolerate my family seeing Bella naked. That would be crude, immodest, not to mention, unforgivable. Fine. They had seen her in various stages of undress back in Italy when she had been so sick. But that did not count.

_This_ represented an entirely different set of circumstances. Father was a doctor. Far more professional then me. But currently, I most definitely was not administering medical care to my wife, and that DID bother me. This was wrong. But I had to do it to keep the blasted bargain. As long as she never found out, that would work, right? And from their minds, my family could not see much through the one-inch wide gap in the curtains.

Bella still wore my white shirt, unbuttoned against her porcelain skin. Her scent mingling with mine – forget it! This _was_ moral. They had to keep me from killing her. Although I planned on biting her as soon as supernaturally possible. My frail human bride would be far easier to protect in a vampire body. Even better, I could gluttonously chomp on her neck for eternity without giving her anything but pleasure. So there.

The foot of our marital bed faced the large window that Emmett had recently installed. And my family kept a wary eye out for the imminent arrival of the sun, crouched behind the bushes. They attempted to keep their peering through the window to a minimum.

Jasper said in his battle-planning manner, "Edward, you have prepared for this for weeks, remain calm."

I was in bed. Well on my way to being naked. With my smoking-hot-God-help-me-when-she-moves-like-that mate-singer-bride. And he jauntily advised me to remain _calm_? Was he serious? Had he ever had sex? Wait. Now I needed to bleach my brain.

Starched Shirt Edward hit me across the back of the head with his hand. "Yes. Remember all those women he accidentally killed in bed? Listen to him."

Over the years with us, Jasper's voice had lost the East Texas twang. I remembered one baffling joke he had told Emmett, Father, and me on our way to a hunt.

"Emmett, what is the difference between naked, and nekkid?"

"Uh, I don't know, Jasper. Aren't they the same word?"

"Naked means you lack clothing on the body. Nekkid means you are naked and _up to something_."

I had, at the time, absolutely no idea what that term had meant. "Up to something?" Did that mean planning dastardly deeds of murder most foul? Bank robbery? Naked bank robbery? These Southerners were so difficult to understand sometimes. Plum crazy too**,** when aroused with blood lust. Thank goodness Jasper rarely used those peculiar antebellum idioms. We had managed to civilize him somewhat over the past few decades. And since Maria had been killed, his mood had been positively chipper.

"I realize that you are attempting to maintain your concentration**,**" Jugurtha sighed, drawing me from my ruminations as he prevented Starched Shirt Edward from smiting me again**.** "But thinking of lurid jokes between your brothers is not helping matters. You need to attend to the sex pot."

"I beg your pardon?"

"What?"

"Sex pot? You just called my bride a sex pot?" How could he call my wife a cauldron of sex?

"I did not." Jugurtha rolled his eyes, "I said 'sex _part_.' Clearly, you need your ears checked." He turned to Starched Shirt Edward, "I do not recall if any of those books warned that you could go deaf from sexual activity. Do you?"

Right. The books.

After spending six months reading every sex manual I could get my desperate-in-more-ways-than-one hands on, I would like to think that I had learned a thing or four about the fine art of making love. My brain, however, did not feel like cooperating because, well, it was too busy feeling as Bella ran her hands down my chest. Reaching for the smidgen of determination that I could find, I attempted to focus.

The Denali Sisters' book for male virgins trying to please their female lovers advised readers to remember the erogenous zones. Like breasts. Bella's were fantastic. I could not stop caressing them. I definitely doubted Emmett's teasing from the other night that I was an "ass man." All I wanted to do was touch her elsewhere. She seemed to like that - given the enthusiastic noises that she made. I should caress her that way more often.

Were I not so occupied, I would tell Jugurtha to schedule that into my planner for eternity. The Denali Sisters' book also claimed that sucking on the nipples was guaranteed to bring a woman extreme delight. Briefly, I considered that. I should tell Jugurtha that we would need to block off more time. Lots more time. My bride definitely deserved to feel the most pleasure. Right before I knocked her out.

Emphatically, Jugurtha said, "No. Absolutely not. No sucking."

"Why not, oh man who constantly begs me to use my tongue on her? The book said it would work. I need to please my wife. Quickly."

"Not _that_ way."

I glared at him, "Having a hard time hanging on to my control here. As much as I hate to admit it, I am sincerely worried about being a one minute wonder."

"Had you been paying attention to the time," Jugurtha snorted as he checked my human Father's pocket watch, "Then you would know that you have been pleasuring your bride for more than a minute. You are clearly not thinking with the appropriate head."

"I am indeed thinking. Quite proud that I can – by Jove! That felt amazing."

While I had been taking a brief break resting my weight on my forearms, shutting my eyes, sighing to mask my panic, Bella had leaned up and had nibbled on my chest.

I growled and began kissing her neck, moving down lower.

Jugurtha put callused hands around the back of my skull and whispered in my ear, "If you sucked her nipples you would either bite them off, turn her, or both. Definitely not a prudent way to begin a healthy sexual relationship, would you not agree?" Right. That. One more reason I needed to bite her soon. Just not right now. Or there. Curses.

My conversation with Jugurtha was terminated when Bella reached up and playfully bit me hard on the jugular. Did she not understand that was one of the major turn-ons for vampire men? One of the most explosive things one could do in bed? Oh wait. Ye gads! She did. I whimpered.

My dear little nipping one caught me off guard. I hovered over her momentarily dazed and all. With one move, she managed to flip me over and straddle me.

Most ordinary women would run shrieking and invoking the prophet of their choice at the soot-colored eyes of an aroused and even worse, hungry predator. My Bella? No sirree. She boasted about it.

"Your eyes are turning black, Real Husband. I'm glad to see I can have that effect on you." Proving once again, that despite my boundless love and adoration, she came from a demented family line on both sides. My poor bent little bottle cap.

"Oh, you have no idea!" I gasped. She grabbed my head and took her time kissing me. Not _that_ head. Alas. I mean, thank God.

"I cry foul! Dude, facemask! Edward, you need to move her back a few yards for a penalty." Emmett suggested. "Hang in there, buddy. Remember the plan."

From reading his mind, all Emmett could see was her back. Thank heavens Bella had long hair and was still wearing my shirt. And what in tarnation did her kissing me have to do with football?

"Edward, if your eyes are black, you should drink," Father urged. "We arranged to have plenty of algae on your room to your left."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw four pitchers on the bedside table with two full glasses sitting beside them. Father continued, "Vivinna said that this special batch is twice as powerful because of its age."

Bella offered me a tumbler, and I drank it greedily. My dear little desirable one reached for the other. She dribbled some down her chest.

Impishly, she asked, "Want seconds?"

My wife had asked if I wanted seconds. From her.

Why, yes, I most definitely did, now that she mentioned it so appealingly. I could not let perfectly good food go to waste -especially when it would keep me from nibbling on her neck. One lick was all it took. The drink had taken on her ambrosia-could-only-dream-of smelling-this-divine scent and taste. I had to have more. I had to savor it. She did not seem to mind when I snatched a full glass, tossed her onto her back, and out of my family's sight had thirds, fourths and fifths. I did not let a single drop go wasted. There was, I had come to discover, such a thing as safe vampire sex. And that meant . . .I was toast. And right now. I honestly did not care. As her moans grew louder I thanked the Quileute spirits that I had prevented my family from also being able to hear us.

Far better than anything I had fantasized, the sound of Bella moaning my name was driving me insane. Blocked from seeing anything by my back and the covers, I knew my family was indubitably mentally shouting advice. But all I could concentrate on at the moment was the incredible sensations of being naked-and-_definitely_-up-to-something in bed with Bella and the temptations that roared through me. The smell of her blood, the taste of her skin, the scent of her arousal. So that was what Jasper had meant all those years ago. I liked being nekkid with my bride. Frantically, I kissed her temples while attempting to remember the next step of the plan. Wait? There was a plan? I gingerly blocked her hands from my waistband.

"Edward," she panted. "Stop teasing me."

I winked at her and lied through gleaming teeth, "It is not a tease if you plan on delivering. Patience, my Queen." Well, I did plan on delivering. One day.

By all the saints, I must halt those hands. I grabbed both Bella's wrists and put them above her head. I did not want to make a mistake with my venom-coated teeth. She needed to be preoccupied in order for this to work. At the point when Bella started nibbling on my ear I completely forgot what I was trying to do as lust burned me to the bone. Then Bella did the unthinkable. She kicked aside the covers, wrapped her legs around my waist like clinging vines and pressed herself against me . . . I lost the ability for rational cognition.

Father advised in vampire frequency, "Edward, concentrate on your goal. It might help if you do something naughty to keep her occupied before you make your move."

"For goodness' sake," Jasper instructed, "move Bella's legs from your waist. Now." I did not even want to think what Carlisle's idea of naughty entailed. I did, however, wholeheartedly agree about the legs part. "You might want to hurry things along. We are almost out of time." He rotated Emmett to face the East and directed him, "Keep an eye out for the sun." I snatched the covers back over us.

I hissed in pleasure as she moved to the other ear. And bit down. I think those strangled noises were coming from me.

"Breast!" Jugurtha pointed.

Starched Shirt Edward had passed out when I was, ahem, partaking of the algae. At the word "breast" he began to come to. Casually, Jugurtha pulled him to his feet and said, "We have never needed your services like we do now. Please go and pray that we can exercise restraint. Now." He gently nudged Starched Shirt Edward towards the prayer bench before the icon of the Blessed Mother. .

Emmett blurted, "By the way, congratulations for finally making it to second base! Boo-yah! Jasper and I will note this auspicious date in the family Bible. I'm wiping a venom tear from my eye. Sniff."

Father firmly took him by the ear and said, "Proceed forward twenty paces to the tree line and do not turn around. Immediately." Emmett skulked into the forest.

How ludicrous. Everyone knows that vampires do not cry venom tears. Well, all vampires except me. The first time I get to second base with my Bella and I am trying with all my might _not_ to have sex with her. And I really _want_ to make love to her. How's that for irony? And I would never admit that I had actually made second base ten minutes ago on the staircase. That was definitely not his business.

Like a typical woman preparing for an important event, after taking her sweet time about it, the weak sun decided to make its lugubrious appearance. Now I no longer had my backup helping. My family fled to the trees outside of vampire hearing range as Bella's guards came within sight. Grace, because she spoiled me so, erased their footprints in the snow near the house, and made it appear instead as if my family had actually gone hunting like they had claimed.

She dropped three freshly killed deer at their feet. How I loved my minion. She kept my family occupied, well fed, and hid the evidence of our depraved activities. I removed the visual barrier so the guards could see my brothers and Father as they stood well out of ordinary vampiric hearing range drinking.

"_Grace, please close the curtains all the way."_

I reinforced the barriers around Bella and me so none could hear or see. Due to me confessing that whole "I can read minds for 100 miles" to Jasper, I knew that I still had help. Even better, my conniving sibling had amazed me by keeping that nugget of news to himself.

"_Be strong. Edward. You can do this."_ Jasper thought at me as he put on a show of polite table manners before the guards. Despite being around our family for months, they still could not fathom why any vampire worth his ashes would want to consume blood from well. . .that. They also decided to overlook that Marcus had banned hunting of the local livestock from all but me.

Jasper said, "Edward's pet decided to gift us with breakfast. It would offend her if we declined. We will have Edward explain the new laws to her later."

Starched Shirt Edward hissed at me from the prayer bench. "You are sinning right now."

"I beg pardon?" Hah! I loved using puns with him.

Sanctimoniously, he kept his eyes locked on the icon. "You are thinking of other things besides your wife when you are in bed with her._ That_ is a sin. She is so beautiful and giving herself to you and you are not appreciating it."

"Believe me. I am appreciating every second. I am thinking of other things to keep from killing her, I -" Bella decided to grab my attention just then with a particularly effective hand placed in a delicate location. I tried not to faint from shock and pleasure as she squeezed my pack- ahem, and almost choked as I gulped back venom. So that was what those inane Stanley women meant by package handling. Not bad. Not bad at all. When Bella did it? Positively divine.

"Grab that wandering hand!" Jugurtha insisted.

"No, no, no," I teased my wife. "It is my turn now. We need to slow this down a bit."

I gingerly unwrapped her legs from my waist. Running my fingers up and down the inside of her thighs as I placed them on the bed seemed to occupy her attention. "We have all night, Mrs. Cullen. And I feel the need to show proper appreciation for your unique way of serving me drinks."

Damn, she was kissing me again and using her teeth to nibble on my lower lip. I could not stand it any longer.

Jugurtha discreetly suggested, "If your venom is on her skin, you might decide to take things to the shower."

Why had I not thought of that? She would never sleep through me washing it off of her if I knocked her out in bed. Not that I regretted a single lick, for the record. But still. This made the labors of Hercules pale in comparison. What a whining weasel to even record them. Ninny.

"Bella?"

"Mmm."

Jugurtha said, "If you tell you that you need to shower to get the venom off her skin that will offend her. Tell her you want to peel the wet shirt off of her in the shower."

Right. She still wore my shirt on her back. Not for long. I tossed her over my shoulder and made it to the bathroom at wolfpire speed, and turned on . . . the water. Deviant. I was most definitely already turned on. Bella's enthusiastic hands on my lower back and hindquarters only compounded the problem. Dream Edward gave a thumbs-up to the shower idea.

"What? Where?" Bella asked, panting as I set her on the floor. She wobbled a step.

It did not take work to make me blush and stammer as I steadied her. "I . . . uh. . .hope you don't mind. I want you in the shower wearing nothing but my shirt."

Jugurtha whispered a suggestion in my ear. Without thinking I did it. _Carpe diem _and all that. I trailed my fingers up her legs, under the hem of the shirt. Hooking my fingers into the waistband of her panties, I tore them from her body. My chest rumbled with a growl as I took my time kissing her neck. Jugurtha told me that would work - especially the manly growling-while-tearing-her-clothes-off part and kissing her senseless. My, it did. Because I'm the giving type, I let her have air every now and then. Bella inhaled and craned her neck up at me. I wanted to enshrine that particular expression - joyous, lustful, mischievous, with a touch of hesitation.

She leaped into my arms, giggling, "God, Edward, I had no idea how much of a perv you are."

Now that was totally true. She _really_ had no idea. I did not intend to rectify the matter. Forsooth, it would scorch her virgin ears. And cause me to expire-for-good of heart failure due to all the talking it would necessitate to explain to her the depths of my deviant desires.

"You're still wearing your pants." She broke away from a fantastic kiss and wagged an index finger at me to inform me of that failure on my part.

"All in good time." I carried her into the warm rain.

I leaned her against the shower wall and sluiced water on her. She moaned as I lifted her higher and slowly kissed her breasts through the wet fabric. I flicked the shirt aside as it became transparent and pushed it from her shoulders as she helpfully held her arms lax. It hit the floor. As I washed my wife, I paid homage to her mouth.

"_Plan C!"_ I heard Jasper mentally shout at me. Right. That. I loved my brother's names for tactics. Easy to remember.

The glass in the shower rattled, along with the rest of the house for a millisecond before I managed to tamp down my desire. Not that he could see, or that I would have _let_ him, regardless. Bella worked at my trousers and boxers. As they pooled around my feet I did something I had not done in months. I exhaled on her. Lots.

Hopefully, I made Sitting Bull proud, metaphorically speaking, of course, because he sure as hell could not be spying on us. I used my hands for the greater glory of my wife. At vampire speed. I could never get enough of pleasing her this way. As I touched her, she wore nothing but this look of wonder that I wanted to recreate endlessly. She tilted her head back, closed her eyes, and suddenly cried out my name.

That had to be good. Right? I think that meant she was appropriately satiated. Her blood thrummed a siren call. I bent down towards her throat. I had waited so long for this moment. She was meant for me. My teeth were almost on her throat when Jugurtha hit me on the ears so hard it hurt. Starched Shirt Edward helped. Dream Edward too. Who was supposed to be listening to me. Jerk.

"I will listen if you behave," Dream Edward promised. Hunh?

The pipsqueak shrieked, "No chomping!" He used a large crucifix like a baseball bat.

"Find something else to beat him with." Jugurtha yanked the cross from Starched Shirt Edward's hands. "What would the Blessed Mother think of you?"

"Finish the job!" Jugurtha thundered at me, "Fake thrust your hips a few times and keep using those hands. Make it look real and give her a vivid last memory of this!"

How I wished I could have that Quileute power back to use on her. The spirits ignored me. I would have to make due with what lay in my blackened heart instead. Pouring all my love for her into it, I kissed her and did as Jugurtha instructed. She collapsed at the light touch of my guilty hand to her neck. Clothed only in sopping socks and shame, I stood with my smiling wife limply draped across me, my sodden pants and shorts staring morosely at me from the shower floor, and contemplated the woe of my life.

As I stepped from the shower, certain parts of me screamed at the unfairness of being in such intimate proximity to my wife and not being able to do anything husbandly about it. It was a tie which part howled the loudest, my teeth or . . . . never mind. I could not do anything more debauched than I had already done. But tomorrow was another day and another opportunity to disappoint the universe and underwhelm cruel Lady Fate.

I was a_ beast_. And I thanked my lucky stars that my bride was in one piece, safe, bonelessly snoozing against my throat, and - not that she knew it - a virgin still who was definitely still a virgin.

Jugurtha said to the blushing Starched Shirt Edward and sighing-and-covering-his-eyes-and-shaking-his-head-at-me Dream Edward, "He's babbling. We must be strong for him." He pointed to me and snapped his fingers impatiently. "Out of the shower you go." Fine. Whatever.

My hands trembled as I turned the water off, wrapped a towel around her, and tore off my socks. As I moved my dear little-I-hope-she-is-dreaming-of-me-one back to the bed, I gasped for air. I gently laid my unconscious wife down, castigating myself as I noticed slight bruises forming on her arms and legs. That was one thing I would not have to fake, I sighed in disgust. As she stirred, I noticed she had a few from earlier when we had thrown her to the ground back at the house during the attack. Her necklace had managed to heal the worst of them.

"Go take a cold shower. We will watch over her. Bring back extra towels for her hair." Jugurtha aimed his thumb toward the bathroom. Shamefully, I shuffled away. I would never think of a shower the same way again. Rubbing at my eyes, I turned the water on to its chilliest setting.

Then I started thinking of more revolting things. Like Charlie Swan urinating in the toilet in front of me, Maria's flesh as it bubbled off her face and splattered to the ground. Ew. The look of despair on Bella's face that day on the cliff worked the best. What kind of lout used a horrific memory like that for self-control? Me.

Stinging needles of cold water from the shower definitely helped finish off that painfully aroused problem. It also hid the tears of relief I silently cried as I hung my head. I had come so close to biting and drinking from her. With our enemies and allies growing by the day, I knew that I would have to do it one day. Soon.

I had lost control around her blood before. The idea of transforming her, being forced by pride and questionable honor to be the one to steal her mortal life, scared me more than anything I had ever faced. I would cheerfully face a million Marias. Because I already knew what it felt like to see Bella die and I had barely survived it. Because I also knew that I was capable of becoming the new Lancelot to his Guinevere. More than capable. I had seen from Stinky du Loc's mind how - although she had not been his singer - he had failed to turn her because of his greed for her blood.

Starched Shirt Edward said, "With us at your side, you will not suck your wife to death."

We all gawped at him. "What did I say? We won't, right?"

Also, I could not bite Bella without her explicit consent. And at times like this, I hated the fiend within me that lusted after her scent. Because she was so much more than blood that fired my desire and soothed my soul. She was everything wondrous in my world wrapped up in this steel-spined quiet woman, wise beyond her years – her true worth immeasurable.

"Relax, dear friend," Jugurtha said. "You did the right thing. When she wakes up. Tell her you have fulfilled the bargain and discuss changing her."

"You are going to bite her?" Starched Shirt Edward's lips made a ring as he craned his neck from the prayer bench. "Tonight?" He blanched and crossed himself.

Jugurtha said, "While in that human body, she is a vulnerable target. We have no choice. Once she is vampire, she has a better chance of living."

I threw my arms up in exasperation at Jugurtha, "Given her behavior these past months, we both know Bella will not be interested in talking about her change."

"You have not really tried."

"She would be hurt and offended if I refused to touch her. You know that."

"Sometimes we have to play the deck we are dealt in order to do what is best," Jugurtha shrugged. "You could point out to her that a considerable portion of the vampire world wants her pregnant - just not with your child - but one from their clan. Or that the other half wants her forever dead so she cannot be pregnant."

Unfortunately, I had already met the source of most of her nightmares. I loathed the idea of adding to her already fecund collection. After I dressed, I quaffed another drink or five of algae, and joined my family outside. Father noted my red-rimmed eyes.

"_Edward, is she hurt?"_ He spoke to my mind. I shook my head, "no."

Emmett took one glance at me and thought, _"God, Edward has blue balls so bad he's crying. Poor guy."_

Thank the Quileute spirits I still had the barrier in place that prevented the guards from seeing and hearing us, not that any of them understood the rare dialect Tagish that we employed with one another when speaking aloud. But still.

Moments before, the medallions had stared balefully at me from the table while I had examined my wife. I could have put them on her and she would have healed overnight. But that would have ruined the plan.

As we buried the deer that Grace had provided, Father continued in Tagish, "I am very proud of you for maintaining your self-control in what was undoubtedly a challenging situation."

Emmett threw a clot of dirt at my cheek and said, "Pay attention, Buddy."

Jasper and I smoothed over the ground. Grace delighted them by arranging snow over it completely disguising the spot.

"Ah, Edward, you managed to escape tonight by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin. We'll hang around for a few days to protect your virtue, big brother," Emmett said.

The idea of them hovering outside the window again made me want to vomit. I could not do that again. I had maintained my control tonight. I had to cut the cord.

"Thank you, but that will not be necessary. I can use the same techniques on her tomorrow and she will never be the wiser," I assured my family with renewed confidence.

"Of course, Edward. Just remember to keep in mind that this is all about her safety and do not go overboard. We put about twenty pillows in your basement if you run out of the ones in your bedroom." Jasper reminded me, "Don't forget to use the pillows like we discussed.".

"Tonight was not as bad as I feared. I think tomorrow will be easier."

Jasper cautioned, "Edward, the field of battle changed significantly today."

"Beg pardon?"

"You married Bella."

"I did." My shoulders straightened.

"You also found out what has been bothering her regarding her nightmares: Perdiccas."

I held back a snarl. Barely.

Father said, "So it is within the realm of possibility for you to talk to your wife when she wakes up and confess how difficult that this was for you. Consider telling her the truth about how you feel. She is only now healthy enough to change, although I would prefer if we waited at least a few weeks so she can gain more weight."

Jasper thought to me, _"If you cannot bring yourself to talk to her, then you will probably have to repeat this at least one more time, this time keeping it in the bedroom like we discussed."_ I gulped. For Bella, I would do anything.

"Thank you. I should return to her."

Overlooking their doubtful expressions, I hastened back to the bedroom when I heard Bella stirring. Like a thief before priceless jewels as the guards walked by, I stood still watching to see if she would arise, fearing what I would do if she did. Oh thank heavens, she was still asleep.

Bella's usual sleep-talking started. Quickly, I returned to her side to make sure she was not having a nightmare.

"More, please. I love you. Right there," she groaned.

She rolled to her side facing me. I froze. She seemed peaceful. I decided to wait a few more moments to make sure, in quiet lucubration of my wife. Five minutes later, my ears perked up when I heard her say, a single word that send my lust raging all over again.

"Oral?"

My mind pored over the possibilities as she flushed in her sleep. It would keep me agonizing for hours. Perhaps days. I shuddered.

As I stood in the shower again chanting vile memories to the tiled wall, I wondered about the usefulness of this plan. Her ruminations reminded me of the challenges that lay before me over the next week. Whatever possessed me to plan our impromptu honeymoon to be this long? I was ninety times a fool. Instead of days filled with passion, the time stretched out before me like an endless desert in front of a starving soul. I did not know how I would make it across without snapping my teeth at the mirages and losing my mind.

I had to keep her occupied when she awoke, occupied on something other than sex. With the way that she ate, simply having breakfast should keep her busy for at least an hour tomorrow morning. Marvelous. One down, eleven to go. What to do? What to do? It was not like I had a prayer of convincing her that chess would be more entertaining than romping in bed. Oh, I was in hell!

When I returned from my latest cold shower and dressed, she snorted in her slumber. I watched as she scrunched her nose briefly. Bella rubbed at her face, and sighed softly.

She mumbled, "Oh, Edward. Love You. More Please. Checkmate."

Speaking of games that I was losing, I slumped to the ground to contemplate my next plan and numerous sins and devoutly hoped for my dear little snoring one to enjoy a long respite. When I could keep my eyes open no longer, I stripped down to a pair of shorts and crawled into bed beside her.

In all our time sleeping in the same bed, I had never worn this little. But if I were fully dressed and she woke up in the middle of the night, it would appear odd. I did not dare take her into my arms for fear of waking her. Somehow, she knew, though, and rolled towards me. Worried that she could catch cold, I artfully arranged the covers and kept her back to me. Without pause, I surrendered to a dreamless sleep serenaded by the feel of her skin against mine. With her wrapped in the shelter of my arms, it felt like at long last, I had come home. Because when all was said and done, she sheltered my heart and soul.

Hezekiah handed me a yellow flower as I slid into my leather recliner. "Congratulations son. Jenny sent these for Bella."

"Oh. Well. Thank you. To what do I owe the honor?" I had a hard time meeting his gaze.

"I am worried about Grace, Edward. You need to keep an eye on her."

"In what way?"

"The guardians of the land rarely have young. From what the legends say, a loss for one group is felt by them all. They are not satisfied with having that bounder Perdiccus to torment. That makes Grace twitchy and protective."

"Of the tribe?"

"Well, yeah, anyone that so much as comes near her land she will definitely be more aggressive with. But she's also going to be more protective of you and Bella. She considers the two of you to _be_ her young. Understand?"

"Was the young one killed Grace's?"

"No. She would have told you. But it has all her instincts fired up."

"Where is she?" I looked around.

"Guarding your little Missy."

"Oh."

"Edward, you have run out of time, son."

"I married Bella tonight."

"I saw."

I blurted, "She might leave me." Then I winced.

"No, son, I don't think she would."

"But you don't know that for sure."

"Edward, you can't pull the wool over her eyes forever. Life and marriage in particular do not work that way. Bella is too smart."

Miserably, I rubbed my palm across my eyes and answered, "I know. When I tried to talk to her about it before, she would get this stubborn set in her jaw and tell me she had faith in me."

"She does not know all the facts."

"I know. I cannot seem to find the words. This is so . . ." I rubbed at my stinging eyes.

"Do the right thing, son. Talk to her so that she understands. She's a bright young lady."

"I hate talking," I spat with considerable heat and threw a pebble into the nearby creek. Water geysered into the air and coated the golden moss around us. "It only leads to more problems."

"But you have to do it, son. This is what being an adult is about – making tough choices and acting on them."

I slumped down in my recliner. "I know."

"Get some rest."

He placed his hand on my weary brow and sent me back to my body.

When I awoke, Jugurtha snapped at me, "Wipe that look off your face. You are staring at her like she is a king cobra about to strike and she is not even awake yet. Here, we picked out an outfit for you. Put it on now."

Because I am considerate, not to mention cowardly, I shaved in the upstairs bathroom. Decimus and Felix were in the kitchen, cooking up a storm.

"No," Felix sniffed, "You do not want to add too much salt, it is bad for her heart."

"Good morning, Edward," Decimus called over his shoulder as Felix instructed him in the fine art of making bread. "Vivinna sent over another special batch of algae for you. It's in the glass pitcher on the table." I poured glasses for all three of us and we toasted one another in silence. I liked how they appreciated that I had no desire to speak. Well. Ever.

Marcus said into my mind, "_Good morning Edward_." I jumped so quickly I nearly spilled the algae all over the floor.

Decimus and Felix watched me curiously. "Marcus," I said and pointed at my temple. They nodded and went back to work.

"_I cannot overlook Felix and Demetri's role in the joke that was played on Bella," _Marcus said.

I had thoroughly read the minds of both men. The only thing they had been guilty of was informing Tanya of the mayhem. And bad taste in sexual partners. But still.

"_They had no part in it," _I said to Marcus. _"But if you want to punish them, order them that they can no longer have sexual relations of any kind with any of the Denali sisters."_

"_You have the makings of a fine leader, Edward."_ Marcus laughed. _"Consider it done. Your sister Alice says you should go for your morning run because Bella will not awaken for at least two hours. I have sent your escort."_

Translated into Marcus speak that meant he was going to run me into the ground. Or rather, his freakishly fast Legionnaires were. I looked forward to it.

I pushed myself on the morning run. The Legionnaires matched me pace-for-pace. They even pretended not to notice when I almost slipped on some ice. Two hours flew by.

Before I knew it, I sat on the floor thinking of the devil's bargain that I had made to be able to have the honor of Bella's hand. She had said that she loved me last night. Me. I could not even begin to fathom why.

Speak of the devil. Or her granddaughter. Bella yawned and stretched and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She yelped when the covers slid off of her chest.

"Good afternoon." Careful to maintain eye contact, I held out a warm robe for her.

Bella snatched the robe, blushed from head to toe and mumbled, "I'll be back. Bathroom."

She hurried off and shut the door behind her. I sat on the bed, head in my hands. Jasper had assured me that when she woke her memories of last night would be hazy. He said so. I prayed like a sinner's last request before the ax fell as she went about her morning ablutions that my brother would be correct.

When I heard the door open, I stammered, "Oh Bella, I lost control last night. Look at those bruises on your arms and legs. I will never forgive myself! How can I ever apologize enough to you?"

Dumbstruck, Bella stared at me as if flying monkeys had sprouted from my mouth and had began flitting about the room.

She snorted, "Apologize? For what? That was the best sex I ever had!"

Bending at the waist, I coughed, clutching my throat.

"Can vampires choke? Wait, I know the Heimlich manuever. Are you okay?"

"I, ah, well, I am fine, my sweet. Thank-k." I swallowed a mouthful of mendacity, "you for asking. My venom went down the wrong way."

"Hey, I'm barely bruised from last night." She rubbed her fingers against a dime-sized spot on her arm. "Some of these marks are old. You know how easily I bruise."

"So about last night. How . . ." I could feel my ears flaming, "was it . . . ahem . . .pleasing to you?"

"Oh Edward…well….my mind is kind of fuzzy on some of the details. I remember kissing you and I remember the part about the algae." She ran her fingers up my arm. "We'll definitely have to do that again. The shower was fantastic." She paused. "And then the lights went out."

Although he was not here, I could all but hear Emmett chuckle,_ "And we have a touchdown gentleman! The plan worked!" _

Jugurtha, Starched Shirt Edward, and Dream Edward simultaneously high-fived one another, then went back to listening.

Bella continued, "I might not remember any more, but I can't wait to do it again! I can't believe I fainted during sex. But I'm sure that will go away with practice. Let's start right now Mr. Cullen." She stepped towards me.

My wife was an imp from Satan. I fisted my hands to keep them from shaking. The glasses on the table rattled. My skin began to sting.

Faking patience, I ventured warily into verbal battle, "Bella. Last night was your first time."

"I know and I can't wait for seconds. And thirds. And fourths."

At that moment a ribald joke of Emmett's came to mind - the perfect human woman, he claimed, was a deaf, mute, blind owner of a mercantile that purveyed alcoholic beverages . . . and a nymphomaniac. I appeared to have landed that last attribute. Alas. I mean fortunately. Once she was immortal. Go, me.

"Remember how I went to medical school twice? We need to give you time to heal ahem, down there in your womanly parts." I looked away briefly.

Bella giggled, "I feel no pain_ there _whatsoever. Wanna play doctor and examine me yourself, Dr. Cullen?"

She crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. I mouthed words at her at vampire speed but nothing emerged from my throat.

"Despite your being a virgin too," Bella continued proudly as she toyed with my ear, "you clearly learned something along the way, you sexy _beast_."

I grimaced at vampire speed at her use of that particular word.

She continued, "Real Husband, I feel great. Almost like nothing happened….those girls that complained at school about their first time are a bunch of wusses. Pffft, you were worried about nothing." She kissed my ear. Then nibbled it.

"But you are covered with bruises and . . ." I could not take it any longer. I needed to tell her how dangerous this was. Her happiness made me feel like a cad. I could not look at her as I susurrated, "Bella, I nearly drained you dry last night." I stammered, pouring my heart out, "It was all I could do to hold onto my control. I loathe myself for hurting one hair on your head. I cannot do this until you are immortal. I am sorry."

She got up on her knees, kissed my nose, "Edward, you are totally over-reacting."

I gawped as she blithly dismissed my confession.

Perhaps I had not been firm enough?

"I insist we must wait until you've completely healed." I reached for a glass and inserted it between our bodies, awkwardly like a glass chastity belt.

"It would be inefficient to make them out of glass," Jugurtha noted. "One elbow and away you go and all."

"Do I look like an expert in those torture devices?" I spluttered at him. "Busy staying chased - I mean chaste - here."

"Well, no on the expert part," he peeked over at Starched Shirt Edward who was on his fourth decade of the rosary, fingers moving at vampire speed.

Dream Edward threw up his hands and said, "Is he always like this in a crisis?"

"Yes," Starched Shirt Edward and Jugurtha chimed in.

Mr. Perfect aka "Dream Edward" said, "Tell her the truth or be prepared to give her the world's _second_ longest hand job."

"Silence!" We all said to him at once.

I was beyond pathetic. Hiding my manhood behind beverages. Not that it would help. The glass was awfully small. But still.

"Here, do not forget your morning medication with your orange juice. I made it by hand this morning while you slept." I curled my fingers mimicking a squeezing gesture which reminded me of her breasts. I noticed Bella staring at my hand, fascinated. Then her gaze moved to my lips. I babbled, "More cereal? Or pancakes? Decimus and I prepared all your favorites."

"Now is the part you are supposed to say, 'My what big eyes you have,'" Dream Edward snarked.

Without bothering to look, Jugurtha lackadaisically backhanded him for me crunching his nose. "_You_ are supposed to be helping him by listening." The predator sighed and said, "Proceed," to me. "Hand her the juice like the polite fellow that you are."

Accepting the glass, Bella narrowed her eyes and downed the handful of pills that made up her morning regimen.

"Since I'm no longer a virgin, and I take this nifty pain killing medication we don't need to worry about that." She patted my shoulder and stroked my cheek. "Last night went so well, I now have even more faith in your control. I was there, too, you know. We'll just make sure you drink lots of algae. Way to go in deflowering skills, Romeo." My dear little deceived one positively beamed.

This trying to be honest business sucked. Here I was spilling my guts, telling her how hard it was last night. And she brushed me off. How was that fair? Telling the truth was clearly not for the faint-hearted.

"Why . . . thank you." In terms of comportment, my Mothers raised me right. Sort of. When in doubt, fall upon exemplary manners. I moved my dear little not-really-deflowered one - before her wandering hands could get the best of me - so that she sat beside me. With a flourish, I offered her the tray of food. She devoured it in record time. I appreciated the silence. So I could quietly panic in peace while Jugurtha talked me off of the metaphorical ledge.

Then she got really terrifying and squeezed my knee. "Edward, we only need more practice." Bella had such a determined gleam in her eyes in between mouthfuls of her biscuit. And she totally missed my panicked expression. "Lots more practice."

"Bella, being on painkiller does not preclude you from experiencing pain. It could make things worse. Especially given the strength differential between the two of us."

"Edward, I'm not someone who enjoys pain. I wouldn't ask you to do something if I knew it would hurt me." Oh really? So I guess that meant no biting. Ever. Right? Because transforming her would hurt infinitely more than a stubbed toe. This woman was driving me to drink. I downed a glass of algae like a shot of whisky. And took another shot before putting the glass on the table.

She put her tray down on the floor, and crawled across the bed towards me, stalking her prey. I stilled, sensing impending doom in the truth that hung from my lips. My family had suggested that I tell her the truth. Well, telling her about my blood lust did not seem to work. Mordantly, I wondered how she would take it if I said, "Say, I am happy to go for round two. Let us wait for my family to hover outside the window warching like perverts so they can ensure I do not tear out your throat this time." That would most definitely keep her distracted although not diverted.

Something painful squeezed in the vicinity of my heart as ice began figuratively encasing my body – trapped in my own deceit. When I tried to speak my truth, Bella said what she thought I needed to hear. She did not listen. To me. I tried to say something but words fled and I was serenaded instead by my pounding heartbeat.

"Find your happy place," Jugurtha did not have to tell me twice. Flowers and Bella were a good mental combination. For a moment this image of her standing in a field of poppies came to mind. I almost smiled until the poppies became drops of her blood as she crumpled to the earth, lifeless.

"Oh, this is _not _how we planned it," Jugurtha said.

Starched Shirt Edward, rubbing the back of his skull, said, "Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea pleasant: also our bed is green."

"Jugurtha, the bed coverings are Black Watch Tartan. You hit him so hard earlier that he's babbling the same thing over and over." But I thanked the twerp regardless as he had prevented me from breaking the Platinum Rule of our relationship. The one about Inconvenient Truth Telling.

"Nonsense," Jugurtha sniffed, "he's just reciting a few lines from the Song of Solomon. I believe you Christians consider that the literary equivalent of lovemaking. You might want to read up on it sometime. It's hot."

"Oh."

Starched Shirt Edward pulled at his collar and straightened his tie, "I think you should spend the day reciting those Bible passages to her."

"No!" Jugurtha and I snapped at the same time.

"Why not!" Starched Shirt Edward stomped his foot. "It is proper courting of the spiritual garden of the soul of our wife."

"She is not religious. Last time I checked, she did not even believe in God. We do not want to offend her. Perhaps you should pray for her soul." With that carrot dangled in front of him, he hied himself off to the prayer bench for an epic bout of Latin prayers.

Jugurtha called over to him, "I think you should also pray for us to remain steadfast in the face of temptation. We definitely were tempted last night."

"Right. Temptation is evil. Lead us not into it. Praying right now." Starched Shirt Edward closed his eyes and began babbling.

I handed Bella a glass as she reached for me. "Oh, my apologies. I neglected to give you your migraine medication. It's for your health, my Queen. And you should have food with it, lest it upset your stomach." I all but tossed a cinnamon roll at her like fresh humans to a newborn. Yes, _those_ newborns.

"Fine. Party pooper."

Vampires could not produce bowel movements - even one as abnormal as me. And I had never defecated in public at a party. I had no idea what she meant. Furthermore, defending myself would be crude. So I held my tongue.

Bella chugged her juice after taking her medication. I had never seen her inhale food so quickly.

"My, you seemed to have worked up a formidable appetite. It delights me to see you eat so well. May I bring you seconds?" Grateful fingers leaned for a nearby tray that I had heaped with food under a silver server.

"What an inspired idea. Seconds it is." She clasped my forearm, holding it in place. Well, not that she had the strength. But still. "No, thank you, Edward."

"But you said you wanted seconds."

She blushed and smiled and enchanted me, "I'm not hungry for food." Until then.

Her fingers walked up my arm and toyed with my neck. I am ashamed to say that the tray shook at supernatural speed. As did the glass. And me. But a human would never have noticed. Decades of acting permitted me to feign composure as I offered her a wicked smile.

My dear little voracious one who could easily out-eat the offensive line of any top-ranked collegiate football team. She declined _seconds_. Of food. Oh, I was in trouble. Serious trouble. I felt like a trapped rat as I stared at the full tray while placing it on the table hoping against hope that she changed her mind. About eating. Food.

My wife wanted seconds. Of me.

Starched Shirt Edward helpfully added, "You're getting your just desserts, you know. For lying to her. Now you should confess your sins and make things right with our beloved peach."

"I am afraid I need instruction in what I forgot about last night seeing as it did not leave that much of a memory. I'm hoping you'll help me with my learning difficulties." I was most definitely memorable the night before, blast it all.

Fine. If she wanted to play, I was more than man enough to handle her. I was a husband. Twice. Being totally concessional.

What was that phrase Emmett liked to bellow while watching televised sports? Jugurtha whispered it in my ear. "Bring it."

I almost fainted when I realized those words actually escaped from my traitorous tongue.

Bella wrapped herself around me. I could feel every nerve ending screaming like a hysterical Starched Shirt Edward on red alert. Wolf green alert. Whatever. I was aroused. Highly aroused. And Starched Shirt Edward was hyperventilating. Nonchalantly, Jugurtha handed him a paper bag. "Here we go again," the predator said.

Dream Edward was shaking his head muttering, "Moron."

Then she had to go and bite me on the neck again. Hard. Which felt rapturous. Most definitely. Dream Edward could bite me.

Prayers forgotten, Starched Shirt Edward grabbed himself and fled to the library, bag in hand, screaming the twenty-third Psalm, "The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall fear!"

Right.

That.

He slammed the library door and locked it.

"Why Real Husband," Bella kissed my bottom lip playfully, "I thought you'd never ask."

Then she pounced.

* * *

**Those who review get teased. *smirks* *rubs evil author hands together in glee***

**Snarky Summary: Oh noes! It's not a fade to black! *screams* *faints* Oh, where was I? Edward and Bella made out hot and heavy. The End. Kidding. Not. **

**His family watches from the window. Kinda. Sorta. Deviants. Not that they can see Much. But the family that plays together stays together. Right? Bella proves to be all kinds of excited to be in bed with her man nekkid, if you know what I mean. After a bout of venom spillage of an entirely different kind, Edward decides Bella really could use a shower to work on his drinking problem. With him. Bella thinks it's delightful how much of a perv Edward really is. Not that she really knows. But still. So into the shower they went, hands start flying, lips start kissing, and well, you know they weren't exactly doing the Lambada. And yes, he actually did the Vulcan Pinch Nerve. Not Bella. Not that way. Deviants. This is sacred. Pure! Deviousness galore! What a moron. But I digress . . .**

**As for the rest of the night? What's a miscreant wretch to do on his real wedding night? Oh right. Sleep. Edward has a short visit and gets some advice from Hezekiah about hopeful for nocturnal admissions (phrase shamelessly borrowed from Oxymoronic8). Which he attempts to follow the next morning. Really. *blinks* Scout's honor.**

**When he and Bella wake up, well, the best laid plans and all. They discuss that whole sexin' business. Then he lied about it. Now he's screwed - well, not yet. But you get the idea. Bella wants moar! Right now! She definitely plans on squeezing the Charmin.**

"**Ye gads! Women! I mean Woman!" Direct quote from Main Edward. He's a little busy right now getting those just desserts. **

**Stay tuned for the next episode of "As the Blue-Balled One Burns" AKA  
"Edward Has a Drinking Problem."**

* * *

References:

Depeche Mode sang a song called Master and Servant that was a huge hit in the 80's. http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=IsvfofcIE1Q

Edward and Bella's bedroom in the mountain house: http:/www (dot) starfurniture (dot) com/images/catalog/Medium/290_56 (dot) jpg

Emmett's "not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin," line came from the children's story, The Three Little Pigs: http:/www (dot) shol (dot) com/agita/pigs (dot) htm

The Song of Solomon from the Bible was used in this chapter: http:/www (dot) bartleby (dot) com/108/22/1 (dot) html

If you don't know who Rick James was, you should. Listen and watch: http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M

Now watch Dave Chapelle do a hilarious impersonation of him. The language in this tape is crude and not appropriate for the hearing of little ears:

http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=QYHxGBH6o4M

For more on the history of chastity belts:http:/www (dot) bbc (dot) co (dot) uk/dna/h2g2/A2430118

"Don't squeeze the Charmin," was an advertising slogan used for a brand of toilet paper. Very popular. http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=tDPhA2WwV4A

Edward's happy place: http:/i953 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/ae12/booksgalore_bookishqua/FlowersbyPavloFF (dot) jpg


	71. About That Making Love Business

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Thirteen: About That Making Love Business**

*****This chapter contains positively pornographic snark. And sexual content.*****

**Thanks to LJ Summers, pomme_de_terre, and prettyflour for the beta-ing. Thanks to Simaril for the pre-reading.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. :)**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Links are on my profile. Song for this chapter:**

**Cheap Trick (heh heh ****-****Totally unintentional) – I Want You to Want Me**

**Snarky Summary: Let's see, the last chapter was pretty straightforward. Edward and his family proceeded with the Vulcan Nerve Pinch Plan. Then daylight had to arrive and Edward's family scurried off into the bushes like the pervs that they are. Edward tried to mitigate his sleaziness by making sure his family could not hear or see much. And then he had to go and take things to the shower for extra privacy and cleanliness to boot. He knocks Bella out. When she wakes up, she is ecstatic about that sex she never had and demands seconds. Edward is clearly suffering from P to the fourth power (P****4****). Piss Poor Prior Planning, or as LJ Summers calls it, Piss Poor Pervet Planning. But still. **

**Things you need to know from previous chapters that will make this one make more sense are as follows: You might find it helpful to re-read about the truck accident in HOD Two, and the Sword of Damocles ending as well as About that Kissing Business. Marcus pronounced Edward and Bella mates a year ago in Italy after pointing out that their bond was damaged and not completely formed. Edward insisted because of Bella's health that he be the one to tell her when she was in a better frame of mind. Her family agreed, but insisted that they would not lie to her if she directly asked. Marcus has told Bella that Bella and Edward share a special connection. They feel each other's pain (which is not normal for vampire mates). Bella and Edward eloped after the grocery store incident and were married by Rev. Weber at the Weber residence. Because it was spontaneously done, none of the family attended (or knew) - although Decimus and the legionnaires were there to witness the happy event. By vampire standards, that ceremony is cute and all, but it doesn't mean anything as Marcus married the couple a year past. Later that evening, Lucius and his clan threw a hissy fit about the validity of the marriage. Arria fixed that problem by agreeing to marry Lucius. Along the way, they found out that Perdiccus, Lucius' foster brother and seer, has been tormenting Bella for months in her sleep by pretending to be Edward. CockSleepBlocker. Marcus handed Perdiccus over to Grace and her friends to for eternal punishment as he helped in an attack against them. Edward and Bella go to the mountain retreat for their impromptu honeymoon. As we return to our story, she has pounced on her terrified, guilty-as-sin, and highly aroused husband. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: About that Making Love Business**

My Bella. I did not deserve her. My entire world revolved around her well-being. Time seemed to freeze as she threw her body against me.

And did I mention that she was a fantastic kisser? Knowing my teeth were as sharp as they were, she compensated by being so gentle and using just the right amount of pressure. I could easily simply kiss her for hours. I was the luckiest vampire on the planet because she loved me. Even better, she hated talking almost as much as I did. She was the perfect woman.

"No, I would not use that term 'lucky' right now. You are most definitely attempting NOT to get lucky." Dream Edward smirked. "But I do concur on her. She is awe-inspiring."

"He does not really understand contemporary idioms all that well," Jugurtha advised Dream Me.

"Figures," he muttered darkly.

Jugurtha said, "But she did finally say that she loves you and you have been waiting to hear that for quite some time."

I remembered the crude question that Emmett asked at my bachelor party about whether or not I was an ass man. Truth be told, my favorite part of my wife was her brain. It never ceased to arouse me. But telling him that was private. I could not help but wonder if my wife was an "ass woman" because she could not keep her hands off of mine at the moment. And really, she could palm my assets to her heart's content if it made her happy. Not those assets. Pervert. Well, maybe later. Lots. When she was immortal, of course.

Starched Shirt Edward slammed open the door and yelped, "She is tearing our clothes off and touching our hindquarters. Stop her before she gets hurt!" He extended a shaking finger and pointed. Cackling Caitiff. I put her hands on my chest. Mistake. That.

Coming out of a trance, I gawped as her nimble fingers worked at the fastenings of my shirt. With each button she would kiss my chest. Which felt fantastic. I wish I had more buttons so she could do that longer. And I could not get enough of how she would peek up at me with a worshipful glance every so often. I had always thought it silly when poems talked about becoming entranced while staring into someone's eyes. Now I knew better.

Bella ran her fingers across my chest. With her mortal eyes she could not see; but at vampire speed, I trembled. I feared she would hate the puckered red, silvery, and pink scars that adorned me. She pushed the shirt off my shoulders and yanked it down my arms where it remained.

"You did not unbutton the cuffs."

"I know," she grinned. I gulped. Even I did not need Jugurtha to tell me how hot that was.

"Now would be a good time to kiss her senseless," Jugurtha prodded. It was so unfair the spirits had to go and take back that ability to bring her pleasure with a kiss. I desperately could have used that right now. Those spiritual misers turned a deaf ear to my entreaties. Power pilferers. My wife deserved orgasms. Lots of them. And the sooner I could give her one, the sooner I could escape and run like Hell. But the fires I stood in licked and sang and held me enthralled.

I think I made a noise of protest, it sounded like a pond full of frogs choking to death.

So she wanted to be in control. Fine. I kept my hands tangled in the shirt even though I could shred it in seconds.

She raked her nails across my lower abdomen. Slowly. Ye gads! Let this never end. At the hands of my queen, I was in Heaven. No - I mean I was in Hell. In vain, I attempted to stem the waves of rising lust. Then she traced her fingers along my waistband and suddenly, all but tore open my pants. The ground shook, the windows rattled.

"Calm yourself," Jugurtha cautioned. "You do not want to frighten her."

"Does she look scared to you?" I asked the Predator.

"The mate bond, I suspect," Jugurtha mused as he stroked his chin, "is driving her. Damn." he whistled in admiration, "Enjoy it while you can. Remember your mission."

"Don't worry about those small earthquakes," Bella said between kisses on my jaw, "I've read up on them. They're normal for out here." Well, that was totally true. Unfortunately.

"Edward," she kissed my neck as she stroked, ahem, me. Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my - By all the saints – when she squeezed me like um, never mind. That felt astounding! "Strip. Now."

_Yes ma'am._

She walked around me and undid the buttons on my cuffs, freeing my hands. My shirt all but sprinted to the floor it fell from my back so fast at the touch of her. I felt her fingers tracing my back and shook my head to clear the haze of lust that blinded me.

Jugurtha teased, "You know, you could always put on Rod Stewart's _Do Ya Think I'm Sexy_ and strip to that for her."

I rolled my eyes at him and panted when Bella touched me again. I backed away from her cautiously, loathe to offend her, and finished removing my pants and socks. To Jugurtha I said, "That man sounds like sandpaper when he sings. No thank you."

I don't mean to brag . . . but my wife seemed quite satisfied with what she saw by the curve of her lips and increased heart rate. I leaned over and whispered, "If I am going to be naked, I think it is only fair that you join me."

"You're still in your boxers," Jugurtha laughed. "Nice."

Keeping her eyes on me the entire time, she slowly untied the belt on her robe and slipped it from her shoulders. I was too busy staring at her to pay attention where the garment landed as she nervously licked her lips. In two seconds flat, I had her pinned to the bed. That was _my_ job. The licking the lips part. And, I suppose, the pinning too. For husbandly purposes. She tasted divine.

"Thirsty?"

My dear little determined one reached for a glass of algae when I let her have air between kisses. Was I ever. _  
_

"She wants sex, now?" Starched Shirt Edward's voice cracked like a schoolboy. Babbling Balatron. "You are going to have to confess. We cannot do this again." I ignored him.

Jugurtha tapped me on the shoulder as I leaned down to pay proper devotion to the lips of my avaricious bride. "Beg pardon, my good man."

"Busy here trying to stay sane and somewhat chaste," I grumbled.

"You should slow things down. Tell her that you need to check the area with your gift. You have not done that for a while."

"Why would she even care? She's expecting epic sex. That could offend her."

"Because it's about her safety. And I have a feeling you should, regardless. Can't be too careful, you know."

"Bella," I pulled back. Rolling to my side, I took both of her hands in mine to keep them from wandering. In as courtly a manner as I could muster while sporting a raging erection, I kissed her hands."I need you to give me one moment please." Especially since her pulse was calling to me and I had almost lunged for her thrice.

"For what?" Her eyes glittered above her radiant smile as she wiggled against me. "You feel ready to me."

"I need to use my gift to check the area. To make sure we are alone, safe, and have privacy. I cannot do it effectively if you are touching me." I freed her hands. That was much nicer than saying, "I am stalling because if I gave into the temptation to chomp your neck like I want, it would probably turn you off from sex for life."

"Oh. Good idea. Secure away." Well, that was true. Sort of. Her cell phone rang and it was her Father calling wondering what the heck was going on with his daughter, as he had heard of our elopement.

Ever the soul of consideration, I answered the call and handed it to her. "It's your Father. He's worried." That should keep her occupied for a moment or two.

"Edward!" she hissed, "Um, hello, Dad?" She sounded like the words were breaking as they came out. And she blushed quite prettily and pulled the sheets over her breasts. "Yeah. We eloped. Thanks. Formal ceremony is still on, though. Love you. Bye." I tuned her out as she decisively turned off her phone. And mine.

Extending my gift outward, I closed my eyes and took in the thousands of minds that I could hear. One conversation in particular stood out. I found one of Marcus' commanders: Titus. Spying on them while in bed with Bella proved challenging. I tried mighty hard to ignore her breasts. Which were now bare. And rubbing against me as she put the phones on the bedside table. Not Titus' which were covered in a uniform and completely unappealing to me.

Titus said, "Our sources tell us that word of the Quileute shapeshifters has spread through the cities of the children of the moon. They are swearing vengeance."

Arria scoffed, "Why? They were defeated in battle, more so by us."

"I think it is an excuse to cause trouble. They are insisting that we leave them be to attack the reservation. They have gathered a strike force."

"No," Marcus and King Larce said at the same time.

"The tribe is our ally," Marcus clarified. He totally neglected to mention that, "And adjacent to their land is our food source," part. Vivinna inclined her head in agreement and squeezed her mate's hand.

"Edward, what is going on?" Bella cupped my face. "Your eyes are glowing greener than usual, and you're sending off larger than normal green fire." Which did not seem to harm her at all, thank the Lord as I stared at her touching me, haloed by malachite power.

"Some European werewolves are peeved at the tribe and up to no good. I need to tell Sam."

"Are they going to attack the tribe?" She sounded alarmed so I searched the area for any marauding mobs of children of the moon, "Those things can walk upright like the Minotaur or run like wolves. Aside from Sergei and his family, they completely creep me out." None were within my range.

"Try getting bit by one or three," I grumbled rubbing at the most recently healed bite mark. "All will be well. Please give me a moment to converse."

"That should be short," she quipped. "You being the big talker and all."

"Hush, you demon woman."

Reaching through the wolf mind, I found Sam out prowling on patrol with some younger wolves.

_"Edward? Shouldn't you be with Bella?"_

_"I am. Yet there is no rest for the wicked,"_I joked. What? I had a sense of humor. I don't care what Jasper claimed. I linked John Quill into the discussion.

John said, _"Only something really bad would be tearing you away from her. Let's have it."_

_"I heard a report that the tribe may see an attack mounted by European werewolves."_

_"Why?" _Sam asked.

_"Apparently, they are in a state of outrage because there were defeated by mere shapeshifters. Marcus has assured me that his alliance with you stands."_

Sam sighed._ "Great. Just what we need."_

John acted as the voice of reason. _"Sam, with our allies, we seriously outnumber any force they could launch. Marcus has also had legionnaires training us how to fight the children of the moon."_

_"True,"_ I added. _"They are trying to negotiate with Marcus so that his troops leave them be to attack. That will never happen."_

_"Not on my watch_,_"_ John said. He might have retired as the alpha, but he still had a powerful role in the tribe and was acting as its chief. I left John to take his rest.

"Another thing you should consider is that the size of the Quileute wolves is larger now than it ever has been. The powers have been compensating, you could grow more."

John complained, "Do you know how hard it is finding orthopedic shoes in my size, son? Ah, heck, if it helps us fight those things, I'm all for it." I broke off the connection with him.

Sam paused. _"I hate to bring this up. But there's something you and Bella forgot to do."_

_"What?"_

_"You never told Leah or Seth that you were eloping, but they heard that Angela and Eric were there. Seth is okay with it, but Leah thinks this is her just desserts for how she treated Bella at Sue's funeral."_Sam showed me an image of Leah crying off by herself when she thought no one saw.

_"Bella does not have a spiteful bone in her body. I asked her on the spur of the moment. I did not invite my own family. Or Chief Swan."_

_"Yeah, we all heard about what happened at the grocery store. I'll talk to Leah."_

_"Bella's going to feel horrible when she realizes. We had to argue the validity of our marriage last night with King Larce's court. I do not want to add to her stress. Please let me know if you think I should talk with Leah."_Because really, I would rather chew her arm off. But I would converse if absolutely necessary. For moral purposes. Of course.

_"I think I can handle it. Later."_Sam went off to find Leah.

Women! Why did they _care_ who saw a wedding ceremony? Leah would be the maid of honor at the other one in a few weeks, standing there in her stinking glory in front of a room full of horrified aristocratic vampires. I could hardly wait to see it. We were going to have to have vomit buckets stashed under the first few rows of pews, for crying out loud.

"Sorry." I shook my head to clear it.

"Done?" Bella snuggled against me.

"For now."

"Jeez, Real Husband, did you have to hand me my phone? I've never talked to my Dad while naked and in bed . . . " I did not think it appropriate for me to tell her that I could totally identify with her discomfort and that standing there face-to-face in the flesh conversing with the nitwit was oh so much worse. But still.

"Sorry, but he is worried."

"You can tell from that far away?" She sounded amazed.

"Well, Grace helps. Since he is your Father, I keep an ear out for him to ensure he is safe. I know how he has suffered since Paula died, them being engaged. . ."

"Speaking of engaged," Dream Edward reminded me. "You have someone to fake seduce and you need to pull out all the stops. I thought I would never have to say this, but stop talking." Right. Good point.

Jugurtha suggested, "By the color of your eyes, you definitely need to drink more algae. Oh look, she's pouring you a glass."

"Why is she climbing on top of us with a glass?" Starched Shirt Edward asked. "We cannot drink lying down."

I did not feel like telling him that my wife was most definitely changing the subject with fiendish skill, and even better, without that unnecessary talking business. She had my undivided attention. Besides, he would most likely faint any second.

The Predator intervened. "You should hasten to the library. Now. Really." Starch Shirt Edward scampered as if chased by Satan and a horde of shrieking demons. Jugurtha called, "I'll tell you when it is safe to emerge."

Dream Edward sighed. "Has he always been like that?"

"It's part of his charm. We need to help him," he pointed at me, "refrain from drinking his bride."

I leaned up, resting my weight on my elbows as she lifted the glass to my lips. I swallowed greedily. I knew I would need every drop to protect her. I hid my shaking hands in the blankets.

Bella leaned across me as she put away the glass, giving me a perfect view of . . . her charms. And gracious, how delightful they were.

She noticed my scrutiny and flushed. "They're small."

"They are yours which makes them perfect." Reverently, I kissed each one, and then her lips. Cradling her face, I kissed her forehead, "You are all I have ever wanted in this world. Don't ever talk yourself down. I will not stand for it. Every minute with you is a priceless gift."

Bella gave me a watery smile. "You say the sweetest things."

She started wiggling her hips in some way that made me whimper it felt so marvelous.

"If you want it to feel even better, the rest of your clothes have to come off," she teased. _Yes ma'am._ I lifted my hips as she pulled off my boxers. When she grasped me firmly in her hands, I lost the ability to reason. Earlier, I had optimistically thought I could give a repeat performance and last as long as I had last night. Perhaps I had been too ambitious. Because the press of her naked, really naked flesh against mine. She looked like she was planning to - Dear God - impale herself upon me. Way to go offering me my deepest fantasy on a platter, with me not being able to partake.

Bella threw her head back and moaned as I used my hands at vampire speed. I had to cheat at this point in more ways than one because she was effortlessly driving me insane with passion. And I had to hold her in place to keep her from climbing atop a certain part of me that really wanted a ride. I did not want to be a premature fornicator. It fascinated me to watch the emotions across her face.

"You are married and therefore cannot technically fornicate with your bride. Concentrate on her pleasure," Jugurtha instructed. Right. Pleasure. Good point. One of us had better get some. Not _that _some. I mean I think I began to understand the difference between sex and making love in that moment. I wanted to cherish her, to make her body sing for me. Not in _that_ way. Deviant. From ecstasy.

And I felt this sense of accomplishment that at my hand she made such erotic noises. I wanted to shout with joy as I felt her muscles clench around my fingers and she cried out my name. Like a striking snake, my other hand moved at wolfpyre speed and delicately touched her neck. She collapsed against me and I smiled in relief. Carefully, I rolled over and placed her on her back resting my forehead against hers for a minute before springing away with a grimace to run to the shower. I started thinking of vile things. Lots of them. Like me. I was a lout. A cad.

Jugurtha reminded me, "Lick your fingers later. Take a quick shower. We still have to set the scene." I would be lost without his aid. "You can talk to her frankly when she wakes up, you know."

Following Emmett's mental instructions as part of the plan, I carefully placed my hands along the headboard and crushed the wood in two locations. I had to make it look real.

My heart broke at the extent of my deceit. I really liked that headboard. And Lord help me if she ever figured this out. But so far my acting had been superb. I had hidden my guilt. I did not have to act about loving her, or loving making love to her - although it scared me, too.

Bella moved on the bed in her sleep, and I froze in abject terror. She let out a sigh and continued dozing. Jasper said two pillows - as my eyes fell on two plump ones. Smugly, I decided that my Bella deserved more in her phantom sex life. I could not bear to have her think that I had gone unsatisfied. Was pillow-envy a psychological condition? I quickly disemboweled four of them and made sure to scatter as many feathers as possible over Bella's hair and around her body. Because I am the soul of consideration, I made sure they stayed away from her mouth and nose.

Belatedly, I hoped that this did not trigger her asthma. Oh the lengths that I had sunk to in risking her health to avoid risking her life. I tore open a condom package and put it by the sulking cell phones. Whistling, I went to the bathroom to flush away the condom.

She slept safely. When she woke, we would discuss turning her as soon as possible.

I went for a run. With a full contingent of legionnaires springing me to faster speeds. Their demon of a leader chose to take a mountainous route and the muscles of my legs actually burned as we climbed the icy slopes. Thucer and Teitu accompanied me and wisely held their tongues. I returned to the house to shower and watch over my bride.

Jasper emailed me that he had conveyed Jacob's de-wolfed status to the young man. Word was spreading through the tribe about the penalty for illegal drug use and John insisted that no wolf could imbibe alcohol. And that was as long as I could force myself to stay away from her side. I climbed into bed wrapped her in my arms and fell asleep.

Well, I tried to fall asleep. I kept waking up whenever she moved. She, however, slept like the . . . never mind.

Starched Shirt Edward sniped at me over a copy of the Iliad, "Just like Achilles, your hubris is catching up with you. Guilty conscience?"

I ignored the pipsqeak.

Seven blissfully long hours later my wife opened her eyes to find me hovering at her side holding a tray loaded with food. It was dinnertime. I had already feasted upon the litany of my sins. Now I had to work up the courage to kind of sort of confess. But that required speech. Lots of it. Drat.

Bella mumbled, "Feathers?"

Staring at my shoes, I did not have to manufacture my embarrassment as I told the absolute truth. "I got a little carried away."

She stood up noting the jagged holes in the headboard wide-eyed.  
Bella waved at the headboard and blew at a handful of hair, "Gosh, I don't remember that part."

Acting like the ape I was, I turned her around and picked meticulously through her hair, "I am afraid you were so amazing, that I went a little insane and bit that," I waved at the husks of the pillows, "instead of you. Did I please you?"

Bella's brow furrowed, "Why are we whispering?" she murmured and tilted her head back to gift me with a look of mischief. "We are alone. You're doing that sound barrier thing, remember?" Her arms reached up to caress my face. "And yes, you did, you beast, you." She patted my cheek. Beast? She really had no idea.

"Speaking of your memory, I think you hit your head when I destroyed the headboard, are you ok? What is the last thing you remember?" I earnestly lied as I probed her skull.

"Seriously? I don't remember hitting it, although come to think of it the top of my neck is kind of tender. She rubbed her nape and rotated her head to stretch the muscles.

"Let me help." I rubbed her shoulders and neck while she sighed.

"You're so good to me." She had no idea the lengths to which I would sink to make her happy.

Jasper's soothing voice from my memory helped to assuage my panic, "Edward, part of fighting a good battle means being flexible with your planning in the face of the enemy. You might consider Plan E 'Operation: tire your bride out with exercise.' Take her hiking all day long. You know Bella doesn't have the stamina to last. She'll be exhausted in no time at all as soon as you get home. And she'll sleep soundly for hours."

I could have cried in relief at my brother's meticulous back-up plans. I asked Jugurtha to make a note to send Jasper and Alice on a fantastic vacation once gobs of immortals were not trying to either kill, marry, or impregnate us. I mean her. And Alice. Jasper, too. Wait. Whatever.

After Bella ate, I began to execute the next plan on distracting my amorous wife. Oh, the price I paid to keep her safe.

"Bella!" I kissed her chastely. I captured her meandering hands and frantically exclaimed, "We have the entire day before us. Let's go hiking!" Bella latched onto my head with both hands and planted a kiss that made my knees wobble. She was holding onto me by the ears, damn the minx.

"And the ball is intercepted. The referee is calling a penalty. Face mask." Jugurtha whispered doing his best football announcer voice from afar. My brother Emmett was influencing him. God help me.

I carefully set her on the floor. Bella murmured in a sultry voice, "We're married. No longer virgins! Stop playing hard to get. And we can't hike far, it's almost night." I pulled my pelvis away from her hands at vampire speed. "Hey, why are you running? Ok, ok I see you really want to go hiking. Can we go naked?" Bella enticingly started to untie her bathrobe. I intercepted both her hands and awkwardly frogmarched her to the bathroom door.

"No!" I sputtered, "I really want to see that little blue number I saw lying on the dresser the other day. The one with glitter and sequins. Can you wear it underneath your snow suit? I promise to tear it off when we get home. There's a special place I wanted to take you to see. It looks lovely at night."

"Well, if you insist. I swear it's like your body has been invaded by Alice. I've never seen a man so determined to put clothes _on_me." She was going to have to explain that comment to me at a later date. Jugurtha noted it in our planner with an arched brow. Bella continued, "What's with the fascination with glitter and sequins all of a sudden? Real Husband, if I hadn't experienced such otherworldly bliss in your arms last night I would seriously start to wonder if you're gay," she teased.

Needled by my conscience, I now inhabited the seventh level of Hell, and this was my reward for living all those years alone during my rebellious phase. I could all but hear the wheels of Bella's mind turning in the other room and feared what my unpredictable wife would come up with next to persecute, I mean, pleasure me.

"Hey Edward!" she called.

"Yes, dearest?" I answered lovingly.

"I'm going to take a nice long shower. Why don't you go out and terrorize the elk in the forest and give me a human moment before we go hiking?" She suggested that so sweetly from the bathroom. Coward that I was, I took her up on her generous offer.

"Of course. Don't take too long," I crooned, voice cracking midway. "I cannot wait to see you in that number."

If I timed it right, I could fit in a quick visit to Douglas. Jugurtha nodded his approval and penciled it into my schedule. I escaped the bedroom and scurried like Starched Shirt Edward into the forest. Several miles away, I pounced on the nearest elk that seemed to me to be guffawing over my misery.

"You have to help me!" I begged after I finished with the first one and tackled another. "That woman is going to make me the death of her!"

As I tore into the beast and drank, I shuddered with visions from recent nightmares. When the throat in my hands morphed into Imaginary-Dead-And-Drained-Dry-At-My-Teeth Bella, I vomited the blood and then hyperventilated. The tree in front of me morphed into a sinister face sneering at my weakness.

Avoiding looking at my reflection, because I could not stand to look myself in the eye, I rinsed my mouth in the nearest river. "That's it. I cannot keep this charade going. I have had it."

Jugurtha said, "Clearly, you are having some panic issues. You do realize that you are talking to dead animals, right?"

"I am not." I pointed at Douglas. "He was breathing when last I checked."

"Oh, but he is a squirrel and probably not up to date on human mating issues."

True. But still. He was my friend. I was desperate. Douglas cheeped and scrambled up my arm and perched on my shoulder. Who needed a wingman? I had Jugurtha my minister of mayhem and Douglas.

I rubbed at my pounding temples. Marcus' exercise plan meant I had been sleep deprived for weeks and it was finally catching up to me. I had barely slept last night.

Dream Edward said, "You, know, vampires are not supposed to feel this exhausted. You might want to talk to them about letting you sleep more. You look awful."

Jugurtha and Starched Shirt Edward nodded in agreement.

And then Douglas faded from sight as my limbs failed me. I crumpled to the ground. Apparently, someone wanted my attention. Now. I had just enough time to ask Grace to watch over Bella before the world went black.

I woke up sitting stiffly wearing a wool suit from my human life on a wooden bench. My neck craned up in admiration of another golden cathedral of autumn trees. The bench sat between two massive columns of trees that had canopies that draped the sidewalk in partial shade. Sunlight filtered through the canary canopy glinting on the edges of the dangling leaves as the brisk wind rustled through them. This park had been not far from the cathedral. We had sat in it on many a day after services enjoying the scenery.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" a deep voice to my left asked. I gulped. My human Father ruffled my hair. "You need a haircut."

"Yes, sir," I answered both remarks.

My human Mother stood off in the distance talking to a group of women. Her hands moved fluidly as she spoke. I could never be that at ease in front of so many people. How did she give birth to one as unnatural as I? Although my Father was a quiet man, his profession required a modicum of conversational skill, which he used with acumen. I could not imagine having his job. The advantage of my plan to enlist into the military was that combat did not require me to converse with the enemy. Just follow orders and kill them. How hard could that have been?

"Did I ever tell you how I met your Mother?"

"No, sir."

"Awkward business, that. I wanted to wait until you were older, I suppose."

I waited for him to continue.

Gruffly he began, "I thought marriage meant finding a suitable woman that met a checklist that I created. So I proposed to the first one that I decided fit."

"Mother, right?"

"No." Oh. Father blushed. With stiff shoulders and clenched fists he carried on. "I selected another and proposed and she happily accepted my suit. She came from a fine family, knew how to run a household, carried herself with grace, and had a sterling reputation. I considered the matter finished and sat back and let her family make the wedding plans."

"What happened?"

"I met your Mother three weeks later. Some believe in love at first sight, and I think that is what it was for your Mother. I, on the other hand, only knew I felt uncomfortable around her. I found excuses to leave whenever she came near."

"Why?"

"Because I could not keep my eyes off of her, which disturbed me. With every occasion that we met as the months passed, the pull became stronger no matter how hard I fought. I had already made up my mind and asked a good woman for her hand. I could not break my word. It was not done like that in our circle."

"What did you do?"

"Avoiding her proved to be impossible. Then I did my best to ignore her. That, also . . . my fiancée wanted to see her and involve Elizabeth in our outings." He sighed and rubbed his eyes and forehead. We sat that way for a good five minutes, serenaded by the wind playing the strings of the leaves.

"I waited until the month before the wedding. And one day after I caught Elizabeth looking up at me at a picnic, I cracked. Her eyes. I could see that I was breaking her heart and I could no longer lie to myself. I broke things off with the woman that I had originally asked, and then proposed to her best friend and cousin."

Scandalized, I blurted, "You were engaged to Cousin Abigail?"

"Yes. She is a fine woman. I treated her poorly because I could not do the right thing. In the process I hurt your Mother, her friendship, and her family - not to mention the scandal that I caused."

I sat there and gawped, lips moving uselessly.

"Your Mother understandably insisted on a long engagement."

"How long?"

"A year and a half. If felt like forever. I love your Mother. I cannot imagine life without her at my side. Not everyone is so fortunate. The tough thing about making decisions is that oftentimes you have no idea if you are doing the right thing – yet still you must act."

"But you broke the rules." I snapped my teeth shut. "My apologies. I did not mean to cause offense, sir."

"Sometimes rules were meant to be broken, Edward."

Unceremoniously, he vanished. I craned my neck to find the park empty of life. Just Undead Me sitting nervously on a bench. The leaves began to fall on my face, tickling me. I swatted them away, closed my eyes as they began to pour upon my head, and woke up on the icy ground near a river with Douglas tapping my nose. My head rested on a pillow of ice that encased a flat rock and my feet were on the elk I had killed earlier.

"Excellent, he's back," Jugurtha called to the others.

"We have been trying to wake you," Dream Edward huffed, "But you have lain there like a corpse."

"How long was I out?"

Jugurtha consulted my planner. "About an hour. You are decidedly behind schedule."

Standing up proved to be a mistake. My head swam, and I doubled over and retched, dry-heaving. I rubbed at my head, which really hurt. Blood was on my hand. Wonderful.

Starched Shirt Edward huffed and tapped his shoe expectantly. "She knows how long you usually take to hunt around here. Best be returning to her because she seemed preoccupied about something." His voice sounded strange. "I hope she is well. You have left her alone too long."

The twerp was . . . absolutely correct. Honeymoon Bella should have invited me to take a shower with her seeing as the last one proved so entertaining -not asking me to leave. We had plenty of algae. I certainly agreed with the way she liked to feed it to me.  
I must confess that my head was like an overloaded library shelf bursting with so many problems, plots, and pains that –unforgivably– I was not paying proper attention to my bride.

Lustful visions of her breasts faded into nothingness when I listened for her. From a mile away, I heard her crying like someone had ripped her heart from her chest. And like the penitent sinner that had suddenly found sweet religion, I lit the proverbial fire under my feet and raced for the house.

She sat on the corner of the bed, shoulders shaking, and her back to me. I could not see what she had in her hands.

"_Sweet girl sad,"_ Grace noted.

"Bella?" I ripped off my soaked coat and boots and tossed them on the hearth.

"Decided to come back, did you?" She would not face me, so I walked around the bed and sank to my knees in front of her.

Rubbing at my skull, I babbled, "I am so sorry. I had a vision and passed out. I woke up a few moments ago. I did not mean to leave you for so long."

"I would like to know what is going on?"!

"What do you mean, my sweet?"

"Don't 'my sweet' me right now, Edward." Tears coursed down her face. I had not seen her cry like this ever.

Horrified, I stammered, "What is it, are you in pain? I do not smell bruising."

I felt frantically for broken ribs. Angrily, she pushed my hands away.

"You. Lied. To. Me." She flung each word at me. For a second, I actually thought she was going to slap me.

"Which time?" I almost blurted. Instead I managed to choke out as my hands froze like a guilty pair of thieves caught in the act, "I what?" Oh Lord, I was in for it now.

"I taped us."

"You what?" I did not see any tape around the room. And I certainly did not have any _on_ me. I peered around trying to make sense, feeling like a steel spiked bowling ball rolled around my stomach.

She waved a small square piece of plastic at me picked up a digital camera recorder and inserted the cassette and pushed a button. We did not own cameras at the mansion. We had no need for them. I had thought nothing of Bella bringing hers along. It took all my acting ability to keep a confused demeanor about me.

Bella spat, "You promised me that we would _try_."

"I did. And we did."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Her eyes are red and swollen and her nose is running. Get her a handkerchief, you oaf." I handed her a box of tissues and she mopped at her eyes. My jaw dropped as I saw the two of us in bed naked on the tiny screen.

"Instead, I see you knocking me out on this tape and then smirking in satisfaction and running away from the bed like you could not get away fast enough." She waved a crumpled tissue at me with her fist and paused the film. The smile on my face in the film must have looked awful from her perspective.

"She taped us having sex? God, that is so hot!" Jugurtha growled. "What a woman! Eternity is going to be so much fun. We should change her now! We definitely need to lick her!"

Starched Shirt Edward stunned us both by backhanding Jugurtha. "We have made our dear little wife distraught. We must fix this. Think about your manly parts later. And no licking. Unless it's her shoes."

Fondly, the predator praised Starched Shirt Edward, "You have learned a thing or two about punching I see. Good hit."

Like wax in the summer sun, my face melted into pure panic. How does one say, "Well, yes, I smiled because I managed to satisfy you in bed without killing you and I was celebrating that I could pull that trick off twice?" Too wordy. "Or, well, truth be told I did run away from your royal hotness to make sure that I did not orgasm and shatter the house, or worse, you."

She stabbed the button again and proceeded to watch as I ripped the pillows and crushed the bed's headboard. I sat like a small child waiting for his punishment. Inside, I raged. All this planning for naught.

My mind stuck like a scratched vinyl record skipping in place on a song. I could not grasp my painfully shy and private bride violating our privacy by taping us doing something so intimate without asking me first. Surprisingly, I felt . . . hurt. And used. Dirty, too. When did my wife become a deviant making home sex tapes? This must be the fault of the Denalis. Tanya would definitely suggest something that perverse.

Dream Edward tapped me on the shoulder. "Hypocrite much? You let your family _watch _while you were with her. Who does that?" Oh. Well. Yes. Unctuous bastard.

Starched Shirt Edward became teary-eyed. He sniffled his way to the prayer bench and said, "I am going to beseech the Virgin that our dear peach never finds out about that." I seconded that motion. Devoutly.

After a painful silence while I gawped, she continued, "Would you like to explain why you married me if the idea of having _sex_ with me is that _repulsive_ that you had to fake it?"

She might possibly have shouted that last part. She literally had her fist over her mouth -I think to keep from talking.

"Repulsive?" Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, and Dream Edward shouted at the same time.

Jugurtha said to me as he rubbed his eye, "Ok. She knows. Go on the offensive. She will never expect it."

I ignored him. Now was not the time to be rude. Besides, he had just suggested I use my _tongue_ on my raging wife. Considering she was a Telecles, she would most likely pull out a vampire blade she had hidden in her hair and cut it off. Scratch that. She might try to cut _other_ things off. I almost crossed my legs. And really, I did not even want to think about how long it would take to regenerate. Ahem. That.

Dream Edward smacked me on the back of the head and said, "Stop thinking of castration and start talking."

I spluttered the first thing that hit my almost-frozen-in-abject-terror brain, "Where did you _ever_ get the idea that I found you repulsive? And Bella, a man cannot fake being aroused."

"He can if he's thinking of someone else - like some perfect aristocratic female vampire."

I blurted, "Bella, I only have erections for you."

Jugurtha cheered, "Dude, I cannot believe you went there, but bravo!"

She flushed. I continued, "And I have never been attracted to anyone as a man like I am to you. There is nothing repulsive about you. How could you think that I would ever be interested in some emptyheaded aristocrat?"

"_Why_ are you making me say it?"

"Bella, I sincerely have no idea what you are talking about. I need you to help me understand." I oozed sincerity although I kinda sorta had an idea of what she was talking about. Just not the repulsive part.

Starched Shirt Edward wrung his hands together and softly pleaded, "You need to confess everything. It is your only chance."

Bella cried so hard she shook. I feared she might fall. She held her palms up to keep me away as she slid down and leaned against the bed into a heap on the carpet. Her head on her bent knees, she pushed the camera away. I sat down beside her keeping space between us and waited. She wiped at her nose angrily, tears still raining. The scary part came when she stopped crying forty seconds later.

That mask that I had hoped never to see returned. The frozen expressionless one that she had worn when I had found her in Italy.

"You made it perfectly clear on that day when you left. You told me that you never touched me because I didn't attract you beyond the desire to smell me."

"I did not. I . . ." Remembering my words on that day had never been more easy with my vampire gifts, and so hard with my new found appreciation of emotion. "I said your scent was the most important thing to me, and that I valued it so much that there was no way that I would risk hurting you. That is a difference. I have always desired you, Bella. You have to know that."

"Not to me."

"Why"

"You basically said that you had to close your eyes so you wouldn't see that I was just a dull human girl that smelled awfully nice. You've spent months doing everything you could to send me the message that you did not want to touch me except on your terms. What else was I to think when you kept telling me you loved me while flinching whenever I touched you? You've barely touched me in weeks, you have been leaving our bed every night, and now you're faking sex? This tape proves it."

Then she took her wedding band off and her engagement ring. "Here, you get to have these back."

"Do they need to be re-sized?" At her silence I whispered, "Why would I want them? I gave them to you."

"You never meant it in the first place. Deal's off. I'm staying human. I never wanted to be a vampire anyway."

I could not help the bewildered tone that crept into my voice, the one that made me sound exactly like Starched Shirt Edward, "Then you'll die."

"True. But I've made that choice before and I can make it again, this time knowing I made the right decision. I can't give my life to spend eternity with someone who constantly lies. Why would I? I'm just going to ask Grandfather Marcus," she paused, "to make it quick." She had clearly lost her mind if she thought that Marcus would agree to kill her. Really kill her.

I realize the ordinary immortal would have thrown himself on his knees and begged for mercy. That's why I blurted the first thing that came to my mind, "So you're telling me that the only reason you married me was because you wanted to have sexual intercourse." I said that just like Starched Shirt Edward, too.

With a fist pump, Jugurtha chortled, "Go get her, boy."

Aghast, she spluttered, "What?"

"You have basically told me with this bargain that first, you lied about forgiving me, and second, you hate me so much for hurting you that you wanted to devise the perfect way to torture me. Congratulations, my Queen." I clapped. "You have utterly defeated me with your master plan. Happy?"

"What master plan?"

"Did you mean it when you told me that you loved me, or was that merely another way to torment me? Another pretty lie."

"What are you talking about? Don't you _dare_ turn this into me being the bad guy. Of course I meant it!"

"One thing I can definitely assure you of is that I do _not_ see you as a guy." She snorted at that claim. "Or bad. But you are a Telecles."

"So?" She sounded exactly like Marcus.

"Plotting runs in your bloodline."

"True. What does that have to do with us?"

"I have no way of knowing if having sex with a mortal would work, me being a virgin and all. I do know someone that killed five human women trying to figure that same question out."

"But Alice."

"Did you ever ask her to read the future on this issue?"

"No. I assumed you did." She rubbed the back of her head.

"Alice's visions do not work reliably because of my powers. There is no way I would risk your safety when she's been proven wrong before."

"Oh."

"Do you have any idea of how it feels to have someone that you love with all the power of your being refuse to marry you unless you perform the two hardest tasks that could ever be designed for that person by Fate as torture?"

Bella's jaw dropped.

Bitterly, I ranted, "You want me to change you without killing you but definitely by biting you. I cannot just inject you with venom."

She waved her index finger at me. "Now I never said that. We agreed that you had to be the one to change me," she quibbled.

I was on a diatribe and advanced into the fray. "On top of that, you also insist that I have to make love to you while you are mortal. Blood lust is roused by good old-fashioned lust as I have repeatedly tried to explain to you by having you read the volumes written by the Denali sisters on vampire sex."

"They made me feel inadequate. I could never do that stuff. I could not figure out why you wanted to read them. Tanya said it would work."

"Tanya and her sisters killed their lovers for centuries. They have had far more practice being with humans, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh."

It was easy sounding haunted. "I have very good reason to believe that if we did much beyond what we already have that I would kill you in such a way that turning you immortal would be impossible." Wearily, I held my head in my hands and rubbed at the left side which hurt like the dickens. "I have had vivid nightmares about this for months. And do you know what it feels like when I confess_ that _to you only to see you wave your arm like 'pffft, stop being a sissy?' My face flamed. "And then when I propose marriage, you vomit at the idea of accepting my ring."

"Hello, Einstein, you gave me the exact same ring you used to break my heart once upon a lie."

"I apologized for that."

"You did."

"Then you insist that I have to have sex with you as a human. If you were immortal and I used too much pressure, or thrust too hard, nothing would break. With you as a mortal, I do not know that I can please you as a man in the way you expect."

"We talked about this subject when reading all the books and you never said a word."

"You would not listen to me when I tried to explain that to you. I only know that you were willing to risk your life to have an orgasm. So I made sure you had several. I kept the deal."

"But you never had one."

"Correct. I could not risk hurting you. Besides, my pleasure was never part of that element of our bargain."

"So you were basically making love to me until I had an orgasm and then knocking me unconscious?"

"Guilty as charged."

She narrowed her eyes and gulped, "Did you pull this on me that day in the cave?"

"No. I unwittingly used a Quileute power on you that was meant to be a weapon."

"What? Death by pleasure?" She blushed.

"I only knew that when I thought about my feelings for you, that you, erm, well - seemed to receive . . . " I blushed along with her and cleared my throat. "The spirits were offended because they designed it so that I could take rage and overwhelm the enemy. I can still use the weapon, just not on you like that."

"So that's why when we kissed after you returned, I didn't feel like I did on that day?"

Shame burned scarlet flags on my face. I wanted to crawl under the floor and hide for eternity. "Yes. I did not know how to tell you. In my time, couples did not talk like this."

"I know. But look where that got us?"

"Regarding today, I wanted you to be safe and to keep my word to try. We did. I could not do anything more. I sunk to these lows because when I tried to talk to you . . . you dismissed me."

"Why?"

"You've been in a desert for over a hundred years dying of thirst and someone walks up to you with a glass of the most gorgeous smelling water you have ever encountered. How would you not drink it all?"

She crossed her arms. "You have avoided killing me all this time."

"Yes, because I insisted on enforcing the boundaries, and I excel at acting. It is the only reason you still have a pulse. But I have also had to run over five hundred miles a week every night for months to work off the energy so I would not pounce on you at night in bed. Marcus sent his legionnaires and your uncles to escort me."

"He did?"

"Yes. So I have not been sneaking out to meet some other woman. Ask your Grandfather and uncles."

"Why did he make you run?"

"To help me channel my desire. It was affecting my power. I nearly took you in the store over the cucumber stall the other day. And you really don't want to know about the countless nightmares that I have had of me killing you."

I clutched at my chest because I recalled how ghastly it was to see her die once. From Grace's perspective, agony twisted my features. It took all I had not to weep and I wiped at my eyes. I took down the barriers that Marcus had taught me to build to buffer my emotions from my mate so she could feel my sincerity.

"Why did you not tell me?"

"I tried to tell you. Several times. You kept telling me that you had faith in me. When you brushed me off, I could never find the words. Because I wanted to be strong for you. I love you."

She scoffed. "I can't tell if you are sorry, or sorrier that you got caught." So much for those barriers. I put them right back up. This meant I had to keep talking. Drat.

My voice took on a bitter edge as I picked up the digital camera. "Actually, I'm glad you did this. Let's definitely watch the tape. I want you to look at my face the entire time and see how scared I was when you were not looking. I want you to see how I had to pull away from you five times in the first three minutes because I almost bit your neck. Heck." I yanked the cassette from the camera and incinerated it using my power.

"How can we watch it if you destroyed it?"

"I have something better we can view and no desire for you and I to be the next Internet sensation if that tape ever was stolen."

She blanched.

Two words, "Mike Newton."

I held out my hand for Hezekiah's walking stick tottered over. Calling upon the capricious Quileute spirits, I asked if they were mind ever so much showing her what had transpired between my wife and me. They thought I was a degenerate, but agreed.

Jugurtha said, "Those powers are so convenient. You have your own personal porn at your disposal."

I snarled at him, "I have the privacy of my own mind for that, I do not require using the Quileute powers to have perfect recall."

"No offense," Jugurtha held up a palm in peace, "It is just hotter seeing it that way. And she seems to be captivated because clearly you are not acting like she revolts you."

Her eyes widened as she stared at the two of us on the bed while I narrated. "Right there I nearly bit through your throat. At least I wanted to. I had to pull back. And that smile that disturbed you so much?" I commented as I pointed, "It should. I was ecstatic that you were still alive and that I had brought you pleasure. Silly me for being relieved seeing as I have already watched you die once. I ran away from the bed to take a cold shower despite the fact that every instinct in me wanted to continue regardless of whether you were awake or not."

"Oh." She stuttered. "Edward, I . . . -" Her lips mashed closed.

"I thought it was the price I had to pay every day to deserve being in your presence. I struggle every second I am around you not to throw you to the ground and drink you dry."

She waved at the decanter of algae. "I thought you were over the blood lust."

"No. The algae does not work on me like it does other vampires. It fills me, but it does not stop me from wanting to drink your blood. Combine that with a huge dose of good old fashioned desire . . . well, that's me."

"I didn't know."

"Can you see what I have put myself through to show it to you? Hell and Heaven in the same breath. I have turned into Sisyphus. When we make love, I have you in my arms, but I cannot enjoy it like you want me to. I have to make sure you do and then stop so I do not crush your skull or shatter your spine. But I am happy to be able to bring you pleasure. That is enough for me. Because I love you."

Starched Shirt Edward chided, "You should use a more polite tone of voice. You cannot blame her for not knowing what you chose not to tell her."

I groused, "I did tell her. And I hinted a lot, too. She is a bright woman."

"He is correct," Jugurtha said, "She is your beloved wife. Perhaps you should continue to surprise her. It seems to be working well at calming her temper." He whispered a suggestion in my ear. Fine. I could do that.

She rubbed at her forehead. "Edward, you cannot use loving me as justification for deceiving me."

Dream Edward snapped, "Look, I know you hate talking, but in this case you need to talk to save your wife. Suck it up."

We sat there for a few moments before I entered the fray.

"I don't expect you to remember much of Italy. On that day last year, we were officially married in the vampire world."

"What?"

"Our wedding last night was nothing more than a human ceremony to please you. A formality, if you will."

"How did we get married if I don't remember it? And what the heck were we fighting over last night at Arria's if I was married a year back?"

"Marcus declared us mates in Italy and that in our world is a marriage ceremony. And immortals tend to take their time about fights. Lucius' clan protested the Italian wedding."

"Grandfather married us in one sentence?"

"Correct."

"Now that is my kind of marriage ceremony. But I saw the newborns. We did not do anything like that. So how can he declare us mates?"

"You know that he has the gift to detect the strength of relationships."

"Oh."

"He knew that we had begun to form a bond, and that it was severely damaged. He declared us mates, regardless."

She shook her head and yelled, "So why didn't anyone – "

I interrupted her, "You were so fragile, Bella, and had a heart ailment. We wanted to make sure that you were healed, and it was my decision, as your mate, when to tell you."

"I thought only vampires could form that bond. I saw how the newborns all mated. Liam and Eve never did."

"So did I. Imagine my surprise at finding the reason I had been so miserable without you was not only that I loved you, but that we were mated. Vampire mates experience physical and mental pain if they are separated too long."

"I would have known…."

A chuckle escaped from me. "That's what I thought, too. The stress of the process combined with the separation is what had us both so irrational and emotional. It made our gifts erratic. And I suspect it is why you were so sick. A mate bond is not designed to be formed with a human."

"But you left. When did we become mates?"

"Marcus says we most likely formed the bond the night of your accident with the truck."

"Why would that have anything to do with it?"

"You did not nearly crash into us head on."

"I didn't?"

With Hezekiah's staff, I used the powers to show her what had happened.

"No. You came around the corner and nearly hit Rose. She pushed your truck away from her as a reflex and in the process sent it hurtling straight for a rock wall."

I froze the image at that point.

I stammered, "I could not stand there and watch you die. Something primal in me snapped. I ripped open the passenger door and threw my body in between you and the wall, and the oddest thing happened."

"What?"

Using the Quileute spirits, I showed her and narrated.

"I felt this jolt when we touched. You called out my name and tried to throw me to the seat as we hit the trees and crashed. We both tried to give our lives for each other."

"God, so those nightmares I had–"

"Were your mind trying to cope with it. I did not think, given your head injury, you would ever remember."

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?"

Now I squirmed. "Because I behaved like an absolute brute and was ashamed."

"Why?"

"By our rules we should have anonymously summoned help, but never interfered. We could not draw attention to ourselves."

"That is sound common sense."

"I knew you had hit your head and saw that I had bruised you along your face and on your back in the pattern of my fingers. I could not have you realize that since you were so perceptive."

"What did you do? You look like you're going to barf."

"I bruised your face to hide the marks." I showed her the image of what I had done.

"Ew."

"I realize it's late. And improper. But…sorry."

"So when you talked to me at the hospital we were already mates?"

"No, the process had started."

"How do you know?"

"No one really understands much about it beyond two vampires encounter one another and feel a unique link. Aside from Marcus and Vivinna, it has never happened with a vampire and a human. At least if it has, no one has recorded it. Back then, I did not think you could ever really love me - not like vampires loved each other. So I never imagined that the connection I felt to you was a mate bond. I tried to keep you ignorant of our nature so I would not have to follow the Volturi laws.

"Lot of good that did you. I knew what and who you were since I was seven."

"I know," I grumbled.

Jugurtha said, "You need to address why you left despite being mates." Right. Good man.

"Had I known you were my mate, I never would have left. When one mate dies, Bella, the other follows or goes mad. I thought I had to sacrifice my life to save my family and you since I was the only un-mated one."

"I have been getting stronger for months, Edward. I have gained weight. I am not as sick as I once was. Why not tell me? You know I hate having things kept from me."

"I had every intention of telling you. But I wanted you to have a choice."

"In what?"

"To live without me if that would make you happy. I wanted you to choose me of your own free will."

"Oh. Well, I asked you to marry me."

"For political reasons, and we were both angry when we made that blasted agreement."

"I get why you said nothing, but why would my family keep quiet?"

Starched Shirt Edward said, "You should grovel here. So many people in her life lied to her." I nodded at him.

"I made a bargain with them. I asked to be the one to tell you as is my right."

"What was the bargain?"

"They agreed to give me the time for you to heal, but every last one of them said they would not lie if you asked them specifically about us."

"Why would they agree?"

I could tell Bella was mentally cataloguing the conversations she had with her family and mine. "When I came back to town, you were understandably reluctant to be in my company. I needed to earn your forgiveness and rebuild trust." I nearly choked on that word. "So I waited. The others were not happy about it, but with you so sick and depressed, they understood."

"So that is why Marcus and Arria have been talking to me about vampire mates so much?"

"Yes. For all I knew, with the damage I did, I could have dealt it a killing blow. You could have wanted another. I wanted to give you time to heal and choose."

"All this time, I've been worried about you mating with another vampire."

Perhaps I snorted at her. "If you had asked, I would have told you."

"This holding stuff back is annoying."

Fervently, I agreed. "Oh, I know. You are quite good at terrifying me with your journals, nightmares, relatives, not to mention your incomparable collection of supernatural stalkers."

She asked in a small voice, "If I was your mate, how could you plan on killing me the way that you did?"

"I had a vision where I saw what the Volturi Guard did to a coven in Ohio that had broken the rules. One of their members had fallen for a human male. They wiped out the whole coven and tortured the male while feeding off of him before killing him."

Bella shuddered. "Do not need to see that one, thanks. I believe you. Jane mentioned it because she was angry they were manipulated by Maria about that coven."

"I could not sit back and watch you die at their hands. Remember, Jane and Alec were visiting Forks that day. I feared they were coming for my family. And I know it sounds foolish, but the spirits test me every so often to prove that I am worthy of keeping the gifts. They had told me as my test that I had to sacrifice my girlfriend. I misunderstood them. My family planned on turning you that day. Eve picked that day to also tell me that their coven had a treaty with Liam that if you were to be turned, that they would kill my family."

"How dare she!"

"I know."

"So you took me to the cave." She gulped. "That was why you had wood for a fire. You did not plan on coming out, did you?"

"I was willing to give my life to keep you from dying like that." I shrugged. "But I refused to do it."

"Why?"

"The algae drinking is what allowed me to be able to kiss you without wanting to drink you dry provided I kept consuming it. I decided that the spirits wanted a sacrifice connected to my girlfriend – not my actual girlfriend. So I told them I would give up the effect of the algae on my blood lust for you if you could live. They considered that a great enough sacrifice and called me a moron for misunderstanding them in the first place. Father handled Jane and Alec. Also, I got Eve to back off."

"How?"

"I became so angry at the cave that I used my powers to put the entire two thousand miles of Lost Covens that I could find on a diet. I took the algae in the cave and put a barrier around it. I told them they could have it back when they renegotiated a treaty with us. The mate bond is what kept me from killing you along with my conscience."

"I still don't get how it formed. I never had any one moment like I saw happen with the newborns."

"But as time went by you could not stop thinking of me. Right?"

"Yeah. Except when you were gone. I was too busy trying to stay alive and pushed you out of my mind."

"That's probably why you were still alive. Vivinna did not live long separated from Marcus. They had to transform her as soon as Cale was born. But when we were first together, you became emotional."

"I cringe every time I think about how often I cried. Yes, I have definitely been emotional since I met you. I've cried more since I met you than I have my entire life."

"And as time went on, you," I cleared my throat and perhaps grinned, "could not keep your hands off of me because of the bond working on you."

"Guilty, hot stuff."

"Me, too."

"Oh. I never saw you over emotional. Not like me."

"You were not around to see me attacking other covens for insulting you. And killing the occasional aristocrat that schemed to hurt you. I definitely have been emotional. To quote Rosalie, I was bonkers in Italy. And it took everything I had to keep my hands off of you."

"Oh."

"Bella, that day Phoenix attacked and I injured you, I had to be prevented from drinking you. I do not know how to make you understand how potent your scent is. It calms and heals me, yet I still want to drink."

"Changing me gives you that chance."

"It risks that I could lose control and kill you for good. With my gifts, I could also take out anyone in the family who tried to intervene to save your life."

"And then you would die because we are mates."

She probably felt rejected again, gauging by her slumping shoulders and wringing hands. I did not know how to fix this. My head pounded.

"If I agree to have someone else change me, will you agree to practice so that we can learn your limits? I promise not to pressure you to do anything that you do not want. I'll behave."

Practice? After all the horrible things I had done she wanted to practice? Oh, sign me up. I was married to a saint. "I agree on one condition."

Crossing her arms, my dear little negotiator harrumphed. "I already gave you an attractive condition."

"Forgive me, but your mortal and immortal life in someone else's hands is not attractive."

"Oh. So what do you want?"

"A real marriage. I love you. When we fight, we cannot take our rings off and walk away." I held out her rings. "I vowed to love you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I did not agree to run at the first sign of bad times. So far I have done a miserable job of cherishing you, but I promise to work on that."

Bella hung her head. "I'm sorry. I was so hurt and it brought back old memories."

"I know. And I am sorry that I hurt you. Taking your rings off like that . . . well . . . consider us even."

"I did not do it to hurt you."

"I know. But it is no way to fight. When I said, 'I do forever,' I meant it."

"Agreed." She held out her hand. I slipped the rings on her fingers and kissed her hand reverently.

Bella stroked my hair. "Why could you ever think I would never love you?"

"I could not fathom how one so kind and intelligent and beautiful as you, one with such a pure giving soul could ever see in someone like me. It made no sense."

"That's really sad, Edward."

"We are not completely mated because neither one of us can give the other fully what they are asking for. I can make love to you, but not in the way you imagined. And you will not give me your unconditional love without it. We made impossible requests of each other because we were both mad. And I love you enough to admit it."

"What else?"

"I don't follow."

"You don't just keep one secret Edward you sit on several. I can tell you aren't saying everything. So what else is there that you have to tell me?"

I recalled my human Father's advice about breaking rules. I had to start somewhere. So why not with the worst? Either she would run screaming from me, or not. But at least I would know and could lift the weight from my soul.

"Bella, in 1918, my family were devout Roman Catholics. My only knowledge of vampires were stories that said they were soulless demons."

She hugged her knees. "Losing your family to the Spanish Influenza. I can't imagine how hard that was."

"I woke from my transformation to learn I was the only one that had survived. Carlisle explained to me what I was, and that he had turned me as a favor to my Mother."

"Some favor. Why did he honor it?"

"My Mother and Carlisle were distant cousins. Carlisle spent quite a bit of time at the house with my family. When the flu hit, he came and found the whole house sick. He took us to the hospital. He could not save Mother and Father. They were too weak."

"How does a favor come into this?"

"Sorry." I rubbed at my burning eyes. "Mother had the Sight. She told Carlisle that she had visions of me with him as a family. That I would go on to do great things."

"Oh. Wow."

"When I realized what I had become . . . What I was horrified me. The first time I smelled human blood and wanting nothing more than to tear through Carlisle to seize it . . . I believed myself to be an eternally damned cannibal."

"Did he know?"

"No. I did not want him to feel guilty."

"No one ever knew, did they, Edward?"

"Correct. It would hurt them. You are the only person I have ever told."

"So you pretended all those years to be happy?"

"Yes. I did not remember what love the emotion felt like. I did not think they cared if I stayed or left. That all went to chaos when I met you."

"Why?"

"I could not understand why I could not get you out of my mind. I had never been interested in any other woman before and being attracted to a human frightened me. I could not believe anyone would ever love someone as wretched as me. In Italy, I regained all my memories from my human life, including all the emotions. It overwhelmed me."

"Aside from being turned, what did you ever do to consider yourself evil?"

"When Father and Mother were newly mated, we lived in a small house. There was little privacy and they were . . . affectionate. I felt like I imposed."

"Did you walk in on them or something?"

"That would be difficult to do with my hearing. But they required time alone; constantly, it seemed." I blushed. "And Mother had recently lost her baby and her newborn emotions were difficult. I thought it best I leave for a while to give them time."

"Where did you go?"

"Chicago."

"What happened?" She stroked my hand.

Quietly, I confessed, "I became lost."

"In the city?"

I could not look at her.

"No, from myself. One night I heard the mind of a man planning on raping and murdering a little girl. Without thinking, I attacked him. I was not long from my newborn years and I lost control. I drank from him as he died. Human blood is addictive, Bella."

"Oh. That is a tough one. Saved a life by taking one." She said that so calmly. "How long did you stay in Chicago?"

"About three years."

"How long were you . . . lost?"

"A while."

Jugurtha said, "She appears calm. Keep going."

Starched Shirt Edward was at his prayer bench head in his hands praying.

"How long is 'a while'?"

"Every night for about three years. It would be an understatement to say that I was prolific in hunting criminals. I justified it by saying that I only targeted men that I knew were evil."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you ever read about the Saint Valentine's day massacre?"

"Where all those mobsters were killed?"

"That was me."

I expected her to hit me or burst into tears. Not sit there reminding me of Marcus in a female body.

Jugurtha said, "If anything proves her ancestry, this is it. She listens to real battle stories without flinching. What a woman!"

She touched my forearm. "What made you stop?"

"I met a nun named Sister Claire one night. I stopped a man who was attacking her. She died, though. She recognized that I was not human. She told me that I was good. That I had a purpose in life. It woke me up from my zealotry. I was too ashamed once I came to my senses. I had declared war on the criminals of the day. I never in all that time took an innocent life. I fled back to my Parents and barely spoke for decades."

"Does anyone know?"

"Not until recently and only about what happened with Sister Claire."

"Why?"

"I had a vision of Sister Claire telling me we had to go to Chicago. And Alice saw us in Chicago. So I told my family about her. It turned out that she was related to Marcus and targeted for death because of it."

It would be rude for me to tell her about Jasper's past. I could not tell her that this family had only enough room for one killer.

"I love Grandfather Marcus, but I don't even want to think of the number of people that he has killed in battle. You have your sins. I have mine. I have no right to judge you. And I won't tell anyone about this." She sounded so reasonable.

"Bella, you killed one man in self defense. We are not equal in the sin department."

"Actually we kind of are," she whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"After Harry's funeral, Dad moved us to the farm house because it was closer to Sue and Seth and Leah. He also wanted Liam's guns. Arria had me guarded round the clock. So I did not feel threatened when Billy Black dropped by to see me. I was in the garden."

"What happened?"

"He wheeled up to me and told me that I had to marry Jacob for the continued safety of my family and started blabbing about me getting pregnant. He said he had arranged for me to get treatments at some clinic."

"It's a good thing he is beyond my reach."

"I told him I didn't love Jacob, and that I had a heart condition. He told me that if I was smart and wanted to keep the rest of my family above ground that I would do what I was told."

"He threatened you?"

"Decimus was coming over to kick him off the land. I lost my temper when Billy threatened the Clearwaters and Dad."

"What do you mean?"

"The birds."

"What about them?"

"I imagined them attacking Billy. So they did. They tore him to pieces. It was awful, I was covered in his blood."

I wanted to shout, "Go you!" but that would come across as insensitive. It was better than me chastising her for killing him because I had wanted to do the honors, though. God, I hated this talking business. It exhausted me.

"That was their job. They perceived him as a threat to your safety and if the birds killed him, then they had a good reason. Billy was evil to the core."

"He did not deserve to die like that."

"Actually, I think he did. He murdered Jacob's birth parents, your Grandparents and Liam and threatened you and your family. I call it justice. But that must have been ghastly to see. How did you hide this?"

"Arria showed up. She had my guards deliver the body to John. I don't really remember much. I know she took me inside, put me in the shower, and cleaned the blood off of me. It was surreal. I don't like thinking about it." She wrung her hands.

"I am glad that Arria was there for you."

"And when I used myself as bait to trap Maria, I risked the lives of many people. I have to live with those deaths. Given the choice, I'd do it again if it kept you safe. So I really do not belong on a pedestal."

"Come here." I reached out and took her hand and put my other around her shoulders. She rested her head against my chest. I rubbed her hair like I knew she liked. We sat and stared at the stars in the sky peeking from out beneath the clouds as the snow chilled the earth, wrapping it in a white shawl.

Jugurtha said, "You did good. I don't think I've ever seen you talk that much when you were sane."

Starched Shirt Edward and Dream Edward agreed.

Dream Edward said, "She looks exhausted. You should take her to bed. To sleep."

"Neither one of us has slept much the past few days." Grace shut the curtains for us.

"Agreed." She stood up and tugged me towards the bed. It felt like old times.

"How did you get wet?"

"I had a vision. Sometimes when they strike I pass out. I landed partway in a river. That's why I was gone so long. That is how I hit my head."

"What did you see?"

"My human Father. I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Edward, you have blood in your hair. And a knot." She touched my head which kind of sort of hurt. Thank goodness that Arria had taken the scent from my blood so I could not be tracked. I did not want Bella getting sick from the smell of it. "Do you want me to call your Dad? That looks like it hurts."

"No. It will heal. If it gets worse I promise I will call him."

"Let's take a quick shower."

She put her hair up, and turned the water on as I undressed and tested the temperature. Bella said, "You first." Followed by, "Edward, look at the floor."

Under the water, as I saw the blood running down the drain, I yelped, "Are you okay? It's not making you sick?"

"I cannot smell it."

"Arria took the odor away so no one could track us."

"On your knees."

She washed my hair with a delicate touch.

Gazing up at her in adoration, I thought of how lucky I was that she still spoke to me. Jugurtha had to tap me five minutes later to tell me to get up and go to bed. When I got out of the shower, I found my pajamas and a pair of boxers waiting for me on the bathroom counter. Grace had brought them. How she spoiled me. Bella went into the bedroom to change. I found her waiting for me in bed.

She patted the mattress. "Come on, big guy."

She called me "big guy," which was, ahem, totally true.

Bella held up the sheets and I crawled under the covers. I held her in my arms, aware of how close I'd come to screwing things up forever. At times like this, I could not understand how Fate, who had long scorned me, showed her favor. And I wondered how long it would take to dig myself out of this hole.

"You still have the headache, don't you?" Bella asked.

"Yes."

"Come here." She pulled me against her chest and put her necklace around us both. Which felt glorious.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings. I felt trapped. But I should have tried harder to talk to you. My actions were horrid." Really, she had no idea just how horrid.

"You're forgiven. I'm sorry that I pushed you so hard, and kept up the stupid bargain. I was so caught up in my insecurities that it didn't even occur to me how rough it was on you. I just took it for granted that everything would work out."

I decided to think another time about that lingerie she currently wore. Her fingers stroked my pounding temples as she healed me with her touch. It was not long before the world receded and I fell uneasily into sleep's prickly embrace.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I had the most amazing dream. One boon of the mate bond was my vibrant fantasy life. Another reason I had to sprint so often and far was because when I did dream, and idiots like Maria or beloved family members were not lurking or a calling, my dreams were spectacular. Bella usually had a starring role in them. Mike Newton could never come close to imagining fantasies like mine about my wife.

This one had me reaching for my sleeping wife and waking her with a kiss. It was one of my favorites and had kept me company on many a cold run. In it, we could not keep our hands still. Much to my delight, she reached for a glass of algae which I drained eagerly. In my dream it did not taste as bad as it usually did. That might have had something to do with me drinking while staring at her breasts longingly.

"Ah, ah," Dream Bella said, "You can have that for dessert. "Have another glass."

I drank three in my fantasy, and felt no blood lust, nothing but impressive control.

"How do you feel?"

"Spectacular."

I moved her so that Dream Bella straddled me, "I think husband, that you like me on top."

Perhaps I blushed. She stroked my burning face. "I do. You look glorious. I often fantasize about you this way." I knew I could tell Dream Bella anything and she would not judge.

And that see-through lingerie she wore? It lasted four seconds before I ripped it down the center.

She giggled. "Animal."

"I much prefer you naked." I trailed a finger from her temple down to her breastbone and grazed the underside of her breasts.

My Dream Bride slowly kissed me, driving me insane with desire. I pulled her against me, cherishing the feel of our skin pressed together. While my fingers were occupied paying homage to her breasts she did this amazing thing she called a lap dance. I knew she detested dancing, but Dream Bella had no such aversions.

When she asked, "Do you like this?" I threw back my head and groaned, "God, yes."

I never wanted it to end. I might possibly have gasped that wish aloud. So she slowed her pace.

As she moved against me, I decided to return the favor by using my hands to bring her pleasure. It had worked before. Twice. She had no complaints.

And Dream Bella was so considerate. She slowed her pace further to torment me some more and asked, "How are you?" Not that I had personal knowledge, but I suspected that Tanya would never take a break from doing a lap dance to feed her client, despite being the VampVerse equivalent of sexual fast food with over a million served. My bride, on the other hand, in my fantasies catered to my every need as she handed me another glass and held it to my lips. I drank it quickly.

"Never better."

"Do you feel in control?" Dream Bella asked.

"I do."

Otherwise, like it usually did, the dream would end and I did not want it to stop. We began moving again. And I let my lips wander as my hands caressed her.

I lost track of time, I enjoyed pleasing her so much. Dream Bella called out my name as she found her release. I loved watching her, face flushed, breasts heaving, crying my name that way.

She sighed, slumped against my chest, "That felt so good. I want to make you feel as good as you make me." This was my favorite part of the fantasy. She smiled, "Can I? I'll stop when you ask."

This was only a dream. Why not? Two glasses later, I jerked as her warm hands wrapped around me. That part of me. I had never felt anything like this before. Masturbation was clearly over-rated. And I was perfectly in control despite the way my skin started glowing. It must be the pleasure and my back felt like sparks crackled off of it.

Dream Bella began to quicken her pace and squeeze harder. I threw back my head as I felt my release approaching.

"Tell me if you want me to stop."

The fantasy always ended the same way, with me holding my wife as we both found our release. With me not flailing about like an epileptic eel smashing her to bits. Instead, I reveled in bringing such bliss to my bride. It gave me hope that one day I would find a cure.

"Your eyes are glowing. Do you want me to stop?" Dream Bella had never asked me that before that many times. Not in that tone.

And then I realized to my utter horror that Dream Bella was Real Bella. My skin began stretching. I froze as pleasure raged through me. Gently, I tossed her to the bed, and did not bother to take the stairs. I slipped on something and looked down to see her medallion on the floor, the chain snapped in half. And that was one second too long to be in the room. The windows shattered outwards as my body passed through them. My wife screamed my name in fear. I could not stop to comfort her. As I sprinted into the storm Grace assured me that Bella was not harmed. Yet.

* * *

**Oh noes!**

**Snarky Summary: So Edward got his groove on with Bella. He decides to take a constitutional at her suggestion and visions come a' calling. Edward has a chat with his human Father about speaking up in a timely manner. Not that he does it. But still. He wakes up with a raging . . . headache, runs home to the arms of his bride. And then got busted like a seventeen-year-old with porn by his wife who apparently had her own supply of homemade film. Oops. Someone had some 'splaining to do. I don't think Bella would believe him if he confessed he had a fetish about knocking her out and playing with feathers. You? *sigh* Moron. **

**Edward decides now is the time to talk for his wife. I mean life. I mean both. He and Bella manage to trade, "No, I'm more of a bad apple than you," stories. **

**Tanya would like to catalog their joint sins.**

**Edward sin #1: He fails to do oral on his wife. Sure, he could have turned her, but really, not trying? That's just tacky.**

**Edward sin #2: He fakes orgasms poorly. Did anyone ever give him a link to the Urban Dictionary so he can look up the meaning of the term "pillow biter?" *she rolls her eyes* And gnawing on the headboard? Bella is not that stupid. **

**Edward sin #3: He admits to previously plotting to kill his bride. That is so uncool. It totally kills the mood in bed. Tanya should know. She's had centuries' worth of practicing that sin herself. **

**Edward sin #4: He fails to tell his wife his limits. Really, how can they have epic sex if they cannot even talk about it? Trust issues, anyone? **

**Edward sin #5: Clearly he has not been taking care of his body, treating it as a temple because he is so sleep deprived from all that exercise that he cannot tell if he is awake or asleep with Fantasy Bella or Real Bella. He's a doctor. Twice. Being completely unprofessional in not letting that concussion be treated. **

**Edward sin #6: Has he ever heard of effective self-pleasure? I mean really, he's so repressed he's growing hair on his hands and back and legs, and well, you know. Even his peen.**

**Now, let's discuss Bella.**

**Bella sin #1: She fails to communicate her insecurities to her spouse. He's not a mind reader. Well he is. Just not with her. And he's terminally oblivious. When you combine that with he thinks he's smarter than everyone else. Well, you have Edward. **

**Bella sin #2: She keeps pushing those boundaries that he established to keep her bite-free and breathing causing him no end of blue ball problems.**

**Bella Sin #3: She ignores Edward's "rules" and decides to make decisions on his behalf about their sex life without bothering to discuss it with him. Instead, she goes to Tanya. **

**Bella sin #4: She knows that the bargain that she made was wrong and done in anger and she's forcing Edward to stick to it. Even Tanya thinks Edward would drink Bella dry instead of changing her. While she admires the plotting potential, Bella really should reconsider that plan.**

**Bella sin #5: She tapes them having sex without her partner's knowledge or consent. Tacky. Mind you, it totally worked. But still. She could have just accused him of faking orgasms and Edward would have caved. **

**Bella sin #6: When all else fails, Bella needs to remember that she is allowed to please herself. Instead of chasing after Edward, clearly she should have just masturbated in bed in front of him, and told him not to worry about those pesky rules of engagement. She was just fine on her own. Tanya has a vibrator or three to loan Bella. Problem solved.**

**So as a result of all these peccadilloes, they go to bed and Edward gets a little frisky in his dreams. Perhaps too frisky? **

**Stay tuned for our next episode of As the Wolfpyre Burns. We are approaching the end of this story. Really. No. Really. *blinks***

**Please review. It inspires snark and teasing.**

**And waves from Douglas.**

References:

For more on the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre: http:/www (dot) britannica (dot) com/EBchecked/topic/518329/Saint-Valentines-Day-Massacre


	72. Hand Jobs Who Knew?

**Cullenary Coupling – Chapter Fourteen: Hand Jobs. Who knew?**

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me!**

**Many thanks to LJ Summers for the beta assistance, and to prettyflour and pomme_de_terre for the pre-reading.**

*****This chapter contains violence, snark, and sexual content.*****

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, Lucius, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Song for this chapter: The Weather Girls – It's Raining Men **http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=hGLZqDXau98

**Brief AN: I can write them, you know. *snorts* This story is quickly coming to an end. Please remember to put me on Author Alert. I'd love to hear any one-shot requests that you have. If enough people request an idea that appeals to my sick and twisted evil author's mind, I just might do it. I do not intend to write a sequel to CC. Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, tweeting, PMing and basically being fantastic individuals who have accompanied and inspired me on this journey. And now, let the snark begin.**

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Things you need to know about past chapters that might make this one make sense are as follows: In Italy, Arria spun some tale about Bella being the product of IVF, and cooed at Uncle Aro that his now dead daughter had left behind eggs that they had frozen. Main Edward would like to say for the record that he thinks that whole explanation for Bella's existence sounds like she's been watching too many bad human soap operas. Something stinks. Besides Gaia in her batshitty cave. Don't think that the aristocracy have not been doing their best to find out the who, what's, and how the Hell's about Bella's conception. If they can figure that out, that means that they can have children too, which could cause another vampire revolution. Main Edward is getting a headache thinking of all the really creaky powerful vampires that now hear their biological clocks ticking and vampire viagra in hand (pun totally intended). He's also getting cranky thinking about the powerful covens that have turned a scientist or ninety that might try to kidnap Bella. For research purposes, of course. Also, the Cullens were horrified to find out that Bella had been put through a coming-of-age ritual by the Fake Canadians years ago which resulted in her getting a concussion and breaking her leg. Eve, Liam's girlfriend of forty years until she had to go out and accidentally find her vampire mate, supervised it. Hezekiah is Edward's shaman teacher, and he can observe everything that happens in Edward's life due to their connection. Edward has to sleep because of his powers and during some of those times he has intense dreams – which due to the mate bond becoming stronger have become well, highly entertaining as of late *Main Edward puts on running shoes and sprints out the door*. *sighs* Men. Always thinking with their sparkly peen.**

**In the last chapter, Edward did a lot of frolicking about in bed with Bella. Really. For moral and deal-making consummation purposes. Of course. *sniffs* And Main Edward would like to point out that he does not mean to brag, but he did indeed bring his wife pleasure. *smirks* Before he made her faint without the use of that handy-dandy Quileute power he so desperately wants to be able to use on his wife again and again and well, you know. Life would be so much easier. *sulks* (Look Ma! I only need one hand to knock out my bride with my Vulcan Nerve-Pinch Plan). While out chasing after tail (of another kind. Perv. For nutritional - not nom-nom-ing your singer bride - purposes). Main Edward says hello to Douglas and falls back onto the riverbank like he's in a Nestle Tea commercial, hits his head and sees stars. I mean his human Dad. And boy, what a headache he has when he wakes up after Daddy-dearest gets done messing with his mind, telling him to break rules and man up and all. Rubbing his aching . . . head, Edward wakes up to realize he's been gone from the love shack for too long. He scurries back to the house. So he totally wasn't expecting to get busted by Bella "Finger-Licking-Good" (wheeze-worthy line courtesy of prettyflour) Cullen-Telecles-Catharnai when she confessed to her porn star past. And his. *gulps* *clears throat***

**So the two of them have a knock-down drag out fight and Bella hands him his head. I mean his rings. And our dear little warrior queen tells him where he can stick them. The rings. Not **_**those**_** rings that the newborns tried to give them. Starched Shirt Edward insists they have no need of *sniffs* - Never mind. The wedding ring and engagement ring. Degenerate. So Main Edward has to talk for the sake of his wife. Really. And show her supernaturally contrived reality porn. Truly. For sort of sexual reasons. Moral ones, too. And let's just say they have surprising results, and agreements are reached on new rules of engagement. My Grandpa used to say never go to bed angry, and they follow that exceptional proscription. And what dreams Edward has in the confines of his pervy mind. He confesses that he's been having these fantasies for months, dreaming different versions of Fantasy Bella and what he'd really like to do with her. Until he realizes that Fantasy Bella is Real Bella, and Edward is really now in a lot of erm, trouble. As we begin our chapter, we find Buck Naked Edward on the run again. This time through the bedroom window out into a fierce snow storm, as his bride is wondering, "What about that orgasm? Was it something I said?" And so we begin.**

* * *

Snow struck my face as I leaped through the shattered window into the storm. Mindless terror spurred my speed. I did not need Starched Shirt Edward bleating that I had to run as fast as possible to save our dear little my-stars-was-she-ever-a-dexterous one, thank you very much. Fifty yards into a sprint, I stumbled as visions of those delicate hands and their delightful torment roared through me. Then my wobbling legs failed. I heard an inhuman cry. I managed in the nick of time to throw up a ring that surrounded me as I gave in to the pleasure, trying desperately to contain myself. As I writhed on the ground, flailing in ecstasy, I felt the earth shake and the warm rush of venom against my skin.

Chairs, books, pictures, and plates tumbled to the floor in the house, so said Grace. Every piece of glass in the dwelling cracked, but the rings Gaia had placed around it kept the structure solid. And then the lights in my mind went out for a second or five. Slowly, I came to awareness. The moon hung in the sky, a pale silver sliver, casting little light through the thick clouds that showered ice upon my aching form. Were it not for my fear for my wife, I would have admitted that I felt awfully relaxed. Sleepy, too.

"Don't you dare pick now to act like a typical human male, roll over, and start to snore," Starched Shirt Edward kicked me in the ribs. And threw snow across my pelvis, stomach, and legs.

"How would you know how a typical human male acts after sex? Been spying have we?" I brushed the snow away after trying to clean my skin with it.

He aimed another kick in the ribs with his worn shoes, "You are one to talk! We have long overheard the complaints of human women about their husband's sexual practices before blocking them."

Jugurtha said, "Stop fighting. Bella is scared but fine. Destroy the evidence. Now!"

I wanted to, but I felt so good. I couldn't move, despite that whole skin stinging business.

I could hear the legionnaires approach as I had removed the sound barrier. Grace showed me that Bella threw on her robe and slippers and chased after me. Then the view changed. I stood atop ruined trees in my wolf form staring at this trembling person who smelled of arousal, heaven, fear, and me. Her blood cried out to me: my dear little delectable one. I belched fire on the venom that I had spilled on the snow covered ground, praying she had not seen, knowing deep down in my gut she probably had. But no one _else_ need know. One thing I could count on was my wife's ability to keep secrets. Lips of titanium, that one, metaphorically speaking of course. Her real lips were soft, pliant, warm, and mine. All mine.

Jugurtha smacked me across the back of the head. "You missed a spot. Focus. Burn that area!" He pointed to a patch of snow. I coughed up a spark or two before flames blasted from my mouth and struck the icy earth.

When I burned away the venom coated snow, Bella yelped and backed up several feet. Her guard sprinted towards her and surrounded my wife. Which irritated me.

She had her hand over her mouth, eyes wide in fright as she asked, "Edward? Is that you?"

Sometimes I worried about my dear little Grandmaster. Who else did she know who turned into a thirty-nine foot tall wolf?

Jugurtha snorted, "Remember she has never seen you in this glorious form. I think this is the point where she's supposed to say, "My what big - "

Starched Shirt Edward slapped his hand over Jugurtha's mouth and said, "This is not a time to be joking about our manly parts. We should thank our dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for her safety. We could hurt our dear little peach. Again."

Jugurtha and Dream Edward both sighed in agreement. "Right."

Dream Edward said, "You are going to have to give her more than flowers and jewelry to make up for this, you realize." He straightened his tie.

I told the Predator, "I will back away from her."

"Good plan, dear man. Carry on," Jugurtha encouraged. He glared malevolently at Dream Edward, "You can stay so long as you listen to him and behave."

The Fake Canadians were on scene. My distraught bride looked at Decimus and wailed, "I swear I did not give him power! Something's wrong."

Her eyes began to glow white. I think she was using that family connection to summon someone. Now I was in for it.

Running, the legionnaires surrounded me as I growled. They would not touch what was mine. At least they had the courtesy not to appear bored.

Marcus shouted,_ "Edward, what is it?"_ through the Marcus-vine, and I ignored him. What? I had a headache. No. Really. I tried to rub at my head with a paw but it did not seem to want to cooperate.

The FitzFlock erupted from my bride as I growled, putting a barrier in between me and Bella. What did they think they were doing? Birdbrains. They were supposed to protect her. Besides, I wore the metaphorical pants in that ordering-around relationship. I scowled at them. Pugnaciously, they glared right back at me. For a minute, they kind-of-sort-of resembled Gaia.

Jugurtha said, "Dear Sir, I think it might be best to let sleeping flocks lie. Allow them to protect her. You lose nothing by it."

Fine.

More sprightly legionnaires poured from the forest and stood around her, too. And if I were not in wolf form, I perhaps might have found them intimidating with their poison-tipped spears. Grace crooned at me.

Decimus said, "Edward, we sense no danger nearby. Do you?"

The Fake Canadians - who made up the rest of her guard - were confused. I nodded. I was the danger.

Marcus, Father, my brothers, and Bella's uncles appeared. Arria, too. Magnificent. Now we had a Telecles family reunion. All that I needed to make this evening more festive would have been the Gorgon showing up hissing something mortifying at me and a few citadels that required ransacking and being burned to the ground.

Arria put her body in between Bella and me. Oh, please. Really? I could stomp her haughtiness like a rotten grape. Perhaps I did the equivalent of wolf snorting. Arria's eyes narrowed as she shifted her stance.

Lucius decided to make an appearance. Jabbering Jackanapes.

He yelled, "What in the name of the gods is that?" and pointed at me.

I might possibly have belched fire at his feet. And I would know nothing about drooling on the vampire blade he held, which melted like the limp dick that he is. Pardon my language.

Dream Edward nodded. "Good move."

Luscious, outraged, dropped his vampire blade on the ground. He backed away with impressive reflexes as it melted into a puddle of grey goo.

"That was my father's!"

Pity. That. Perhaps he will think twice before playing with antiques. Lucius reached for a shorter blade, a poisoned one, and prepared to throw it. That would be the equivalent of a poisoned splinter that my system could easily overcome. But I would happily stand in place and permit him to make a fool of himself.

Jugurtha sighed, "You have to give him credit. He's willing to take you on and is trying to protect Bella and Arria, even if we think he's a jerk."

Father patted Bella on the back and said, "Let me see if I can reach him." He craned his neck and spoke to my mind, _"Edward, if you can understand me, lift your right paw."_

I did as he asked. It took all the discipline I had not to lift the back leg and baptize Lucius in urine.

Emmett said, "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to that sight and that freaky green fire. Buddy, you ok in there?"

"That, Lucius, is Edward, and I would not try to cross him were I you. He seems perturbed about something." Arria sounded nonchalant. "You might want to take a few steps back, as he definitely remembers the last time you two fought. It is safe to say that he is not in a weakened condition at present and you might want to show him proper respect."

Lucius looked appalled, "I thought those stories were false rumors you planted."

"Why would we do that?" Arria seemed genuinely confused. "We have overwhelming forces and no need to lie about our strengths."

Lucius appeared green for a moment, before sighing, holding onto his blade and following his wife's directive.

I growled at him and crouched. My canines were longer than his legs. I scratched the ground in front of me with my claws and it caught on green fire.

Lucius marveled, "That is an impressive amount of power. Perhaps I underestimated the lad."

Emmett started to say something and Jasper cut him off. Emmett thought to me,_ "Buddy, I know he's a total asshole, but you can't kill your father-in-law. Leave that to Arria."_

"You should see him in battle," Jasper enthused. "He is a sight to behold. An absolute killing machine. He positively terrorized the Southern Coven Army. Cut through them like a hot knife with butter." Jasper all but wiped tears of joy from his eyes. "He did the family proud. He's such a warrior."

Father nodded and Jasper blasted his emo, "thou shalt calm down," power at me. I blocked it easily. Perhaps I did the equivalent of wolf snorting. Again.

"It's not working," my sneaky brother noted to my concerned family.

Emmett asked, "Edward, buddy, can you try to communicate with us?" He held out Hezekiah's walking staff. I squinted and put my paw down on it, yet it felt like there was something blocking me. I managed to convey the idea that I was having problems but that was the extent of the "talking" that I could do in this form. Wonderful. Now I really was a dog. Sort of. But I could communicate with Grace just fine.

Arria and Grace had a quick meeting of the minds, "For some reason, Miss Grace says that Edward's gift to speak to us is not operating as it should."

Bella said in Quileute, "Grace, we need him in human form. I don't want him hurt." She looked so scared. I howled mournfully.

Grace crooned at Bella aloud in Quileute, "Sweet Girl. No fear."

My minion's warm voice actually shocked the soldiers. They had never heard anything that beautiful, not that they understood a word of it.

Skeevy threw a heavy cloak to Bella.

Arria wrapped it around her shivering daughter and ordered, "Stay behind me, child."

Jane patted Bella's shoulder and said, "Men. They don't know when to quit." Then she have her a half hug with one arm.

Bella wiped at her eyes and laughed. "I know."

"Here." Jane handed Bella a pair of snow boots. "Put them on before you freeze." She offered Bella support while she put the boots on her feet. Teitu placed a hat on Bella's head and chucked her under the chin. Skeevy handed her gloves.

Grace linked minds with Arria and perhaps emphasized the point that I would not be murdering my wife today. Not on Grace's watch. Arria put up her blade.

My dear little Grandmaster said, "Mother, he mentioned earlier tonight that the tribe might be attacked by European werewolves. Can you check to see if that has happened? That could be why he phased."

Which was completely true. I love how she tried to cover for me. I howled approval.

Marcus tsked. "We detected a group a few minutes ago in Oregon doing a rather shoddy job of acting the picture of innocence. They had a map of the reservation. Edward, I have more than enough soldiers to protect the tribe. You do not need to personally handle this matter, and Bella is safe."

I tilted my muzzle and aided by the Quileute spirits who all but dragged me there in their eagerness to show me found the group Marcus mentioned, surrounded by his soldiers. What Marcus did not realize was what he _thought _was a small group, actually was not. The European werewolves had managed to obtain a little supernatural help of the divine kind that had thousands of them invisible to the vampire eye. Marcus' group actually was outnumbered and about to be ambushed. The Quileute spirits said so - even if they objected to the principle of helping sludge suckers. They did recognize that these sludge suckers were allies.

Grace said aloud to Arria and Bella translated, "Ambush."

I howled, and used my power appealing to the spirits to cast away the illusion of civility the European werewolves were spinning to confound King Larce's forces. Perhaps I sent out a message to Gaia tattling like a four-year-old on that whole divine interference business. I heard something rumbling in reply. Marcus' mind touched mine as I did the equivalent of, "See, I told you so," in wolf language.

Marcus took the surprise well. "Metie, Pesna, I need you up there right now. Take thirty thousand troops. Decimate them." Bella's uncles saluted and vanished looking all kinds of excited. This must be their equivalent of play time.

I could not see, but I could hear some kind of fight going on with flashes of power my eyes could barely discern. Go Gaia. I hope she made whomever that was reek for all eternity. Worse than she did. Sometimes. Just to show I cared, I gathered up as much power as I could from the earth in case she required my assistance.

Emmett said, "What the heck is he doing?"

Arria and Marcus both replied, "Gathering up power," as if Emmett had asked if the sky was blue.

Marcus turned to me and coolly declared. "Edward, you have my permission to do whatever you want to those children of the moon. I need you to distract them long enough for me to move my forces there."

And I had the best Grandfather-in-law in the world. He let me go kill imbeciles for recreational purposes and considered it a favor. How awesome is that? And on my honeymoon. Wait. My honeymoon. These jerks are interrupting my attempts to engage in sex with Bella. They must die. All of them. Now. My wife deserved more orgasms. Lots more orgasms. We had been having a perfectly pleasant romp in the sheets. Until. Well. That whole phasing dealio. Nasty business, that. I had shattered three trees and smashed a bush. Get your mind out of the gutter. I summoned more energy. Lots more.

The Quileute spirits were all kinds of excited when I asked if they would be interested in arranging a little karmic payback for those cretins that had attacked the tribe. I felt them and a heavyweight spirit or twenty leaping into my wolf form. They whispered a plan in my ear. By Saint Peter's rod, this was good. Thank goodness for all those shaman ancestral memories. We had not tried this maneuver in a few hundred years. They would never see it coming.

Filled with righteous indignation, I backed a safe distance away from my bewildered bride, and cast my spirit out into the night as I moved. FitzSinister and FitzLuck really were not fans of my wolf form, because that meant that they literally ate the ground as I ran. So I released them to come and join in on the spiritual shenanigans. They would be the first wave.

I managed to convey to Jasper and Marcus through Grace that I had a three part plan.

Phase one consisted of FitzSinister and FitzLuck using a portal to appear in front of the Legion of about-to-meet-their-doom children of the moon. While I was at it, I asked Grace to send a message for me. She thought that was a mighty fine idea.

FitzSinister and FitzLuck cawed and took form in front of the unwanted pesterers. They were currently in human form.

One snotty Croatian said something to the effect of, "Who the blazes are you?"

FitzSinister did not like his tone of voice, the cut of his clothing, the sneer on his oily face, his porcine proboscis, his nasty habit of utilizing foul swear words, as well as his excessive nose hair. My minion-with-the-mostest in the spite department extended a claw gently and tore the man in half. For good measure, he blasted the twitching remains to ashes.

The clearing the birds stood in filled with boisterous laughter as another imbecile said, "Oh look fellows, two little birdies have decided to come and play. We must not disappoint them!"

They all guffawed and phased at once and leaped for the birds. The birds merely cast off the illusion that had made them appear small, doubled in size, took to the air, and strategically picked different members of the pack to set alight. Which the European pack thought was totally unsportsmanlike despite outnumbering the birds three hundred to two. Whiners.

Fitzluck extended a wing as if to say, "Come on guys, let's get this festival started."

That's when Grace's associates in stealth mode decided to answer my message and start tearing apart the pack. They were bored torturing Perdiccas, whom they said did nothing but scream and decided that it could not hurt to smash some of his friends. That whole transmitting-fear gift the children of the moon had courtesy of their alpha bounced uselessly off of the birds and Grace's friends. Since they could not see what attacked them, it caused stampeding in different directions as they completely lost what little discipline they had. That was about the time they realized that they were surrounded by bored-looking-armed-to-the-fangs legionnaires who were not about to let them go anywhere. I let Marcus know that Phase Two was about ready to begin.

It did not take long for me to spirit walk in front of the alpha of the group.

Gustav, I believe he preferred to be called, stood up like a Minotaur and tried to slash me with his claws. They went right through my body, and I might possibly have smirked at him.

He snarled, "Now they send ghosts to us? Come on and fight like a real wolf not the abominations that you are."

Well, he asked. So I obliged. With one bite, I tore his head from his shoulders. I used a blast of that nifty weapon of making his troops feel terror in the unique Quileute flavor. With the FitzLuck's assistance, I left a message in the snow written in the alpha's blood, "Don't come back unless you want to die. Most insincerely yours, The Shapeshifting Quileutes." Their tempers soared. This could not go unchallenged. They uncloaked the rest of their laying in wait troops - thinking that this would be child's play.

I constructed a portal with the assistance of the spirits who thought it would be so much more effective to have the earth crack in the middle of the European wolves and me come leaping out of the ground. Show offs. Not that I did not listen to their advice. It made good tactical sense.

Jasper, watching through the Marcus-vine, cheered, "Way to go Edward!"

I was still standing in the fissure in the ground. Most of them could not see my legs and thought that I was their height.

They bayed at the moon in delight. The Quileutes had one secret warrior. One measly one that they sent to scare them. And fine, so maybe I killed their alpha while pretending to be tall. But pfft they could replace him. He was getting on their nerves anyway. They could not wait to kill me. That was when I belched green fire, clearing out five wolves before me before standing atop their smoking remains in my almost forty-foot to their twenty-foot height. Primitive peons. They could not communicate with each other in wolf form like the tribe could. Without an alpha they flailed about; every wolf for him- or herself.

Marcus said to my mind,_ "Edward, I think you have made your point. Please shift back. My troops are ready to attack."_

Grace agreed. But I wanted to fight more. I heard John and Seth encouraging me to shift through the wolf link.

"Grace, please?" Bella said.

Seth linked minds with her and offered her his power. My minion was not gentle.

One second I towered above everyone growling and setting trees frosted with icing-like snow alight; the next, I was physically back at the mountain home thoroughly enjoying the reaction of Lucius, telling Grace that I was fine. Then I heard someone yowling as pain burned me at the stake. The Quileute spirits even got in on the discussion as they decided that I had fought enough as well. They had managed to blast me when I had argued with Grace as I morphed back into my not-quite-human body and tried to phase again.

Hissing, Grace covered me in her manta ray form, keeping everyone away. She knew I did not want them seeing me like that. Naked and weak.

One part of my brain noticed this while the other writhed.

I felt like the Hounds of Hell had been unleashed upon me to rend chunks of flesh from my burning body. Even my toenails felt bruised. I could not see.

Jugurtha said, "You realize she totally saved your reputation tonight. Now everyone thinks you phased because of those renegade children of the moon. And killing them from this distance will definitely make an impression. Bella thinks quickly on her feet. I love that about her. Gaia's rings kept the house intact and the glass fixed itself. Not bad to have Gaia in the family even if she stinks."

Grace showed me as Bella approached and pushed through the legionnaires and concerned family members. She took the blanket that was around her, scooted under Grace's body, and tenderly covered me with it. I think she said something to Arria, but I was past caring. Grace lifted into the air so all could see us. The second my dear little devious one touched me, our bodies both vanished and everything went black.

I found myself sitting in Liam's dank excuse for a lab. With him across from me, perched on a stool. The last time I had seen him, I had been . . .well . . . insane. Which had definitely put me on equal footing with this joker.

Now I was sane, staring into the flinty eyes of Forks's winner for the mad scientist contest. Hands down. Test tubes town. Plant samples down. You get the idea.

I said to Liam, "Your timing, as usual, sucks. Where is Bella?"

"She's perfectly safe. I needed time to talk with you and this is what they gave me."

He might have lied to her for over a decade about her parentage, but I doubted he would dissemble about her safety. I had nothing to say to the man, so sat studying the lab and waiting for him to start ranting, most likely in putrid poetry.

Jugurtha said, "You are in a room with Liam. Who hurt your wife. Who conducted mind-boggling experiments, and you want to sulk?" He smacked the back of my head. "Channel you inner Jasper and start questioning the bastard."

Actually, upon second thought, I did have something to say.

"You and your darling sister and her tattletaling troll of a spouse make for the world's most inept ghosts."

He shrugged and said, "We're new at it, and have time on our hands to practice. Sometimes we make mistakes."

"If your sister tries to speak through Bella again and I will end her. She nearly killed her the last time."

"That's why I am here. We figured out how to visit you in your dreams. We cannot get to hers. Her mind is locked up like Fort Knox." Pity. That.

I threw aside that principled "I really hate talking," stance of mind to seize what was probably the only chance I had to give Liam the Hell he deserved. "Marvelous. What do you want now, _Dad_?"

Liam shifted on his stool and bit his lip. Gruffly he said, "I hated lying to her."

"She is devastated. You spent so much time praising her for being smart. For her to find out that all of you deceived her for her entire life . . . I do not even know where to begin saying what you have wrought."

"I wrote her a letter. Didn't she read it?" He said that so reasonably.

"Actually, I believe she did and promptly set it on fire."

"She always had a temper." Liam fiddled with a test tube and refused to meet my glare. "Hard to set it off, but when she's mad, she's as stubborn as a mule."

"Wonder where she learned that from?" Heredity and social conditioning doubled up on that score. Go figure.

Liam smirked and peeked up at me. "Figured out how to solve the algae problem yet, have you?"

"Um, well, erm, no. I have been busy keeping my wife alive, repairing our mate bond, negotiating the vampire aristocracy, saving the Quileute tribe, keeping my family occupied and out of my life, learning from one shaman how to train another, battling demon-possessed armies of vampires and European werewolves, and earning my wife's trust," I blustered. And crossed my arms. "My schedule has been packed."

"Perhaps you should reconsider questioning my scientific abilities, then."

"Why did you help the coven?"

"That's easy. I did not want them living off of people in the area. Finding them a food source kept me and my family and our friends and neighbors safe. When I met them, they ate the algae, but it only helped with the blood lust; it did not take away the need for them to feed off of humans. I suppose you could compare it to a snack? Plus, I like a challenge."

"Indeed."

He squinted at me and fiddled with a microscope. "You seem almost smart enough to figure out what I did."

"My thanks. You created a food source designed to die around the time Bella turned nineteen."

"Gold star for you."

"You did not want her to be immortal?"

"I wanted her to have a say in the matter. I wanted her to be old enough to understand the consequences. Arria and I both worried that she would not be accepted. And she hates the smell of blood."

"You turned it down. Why?"

"Because I would have had to stay away from her and I could not do that while she was growing up and needed me. I could not guard her as a newborn."

"You had Eve," I dangled that conversational carrot in front of him.

He did not answer for a few minutes. I waited him out.

"Eve wanted a child. Arria told her she could have one when Bella was turned as an adult."

"Why?"

"Eve was next in line to rule if anything happened to Arria or her son who was alive at the time."

"Was he yours, too?"

"No. I never knew the father. Pay attention. My time is limited. Arria loved, but understood her cousin. Arria wanted a child by me because she learned that I descended from one of their most powerful lines."

"Why would you agree?"

"I wanted a child. It was the only way to have one with Eve, too. I wanted Eve to be happy, and she wanted a family. I thought that since she loved me, that she could love my daughter too, no matter who her mother was."

"Arria mentioned that Genevieve had stored embryos of Eve's. Where are they?"

Liam clenched his jaw. I recognized that stubborn demeanor. "Gone."

"Why?"

"Eve believed that once I turned, that I would be her mate. She resented my child. Arria told me that if Eve and I had any children together, she'd raise them to hate Bella, and they might try to kill her. Then Eve found her true mate." I did not have to look hard to detect the heartbreak Liam felt.

"You destroyed your own children?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" I raised my brows at him.

"Like you have the right to judge me. Just because we matched a sperm with an egg didn't make the conception work. The eggs were too fragile. I destroyed nothing, really."

Jugurtha mouthed something that looked like, "Mother sucker," at Liam. "With Even mated to another vampire, Liam out of the picture, he really had no guarantee that she wouldn't pick a human to have the children and raise them to kill Bella."

For a moment, Liam looked panicked like he had said too much, and then he waved a palm dismissively at me and snapped, "I don't want to talk about that any more. Eve never knew they were gone. She thought I had hidden them to keep them safe."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "So that was why he was so willing to die for our dear little peach. He literally was protecting her from Eve. He knew if he died that Eve would be forced to look after Bella."

No wonder those two never mated, aside from the fact that he was human and all. He didn't trust her enough to be turned. I can only assume that he loved Eve despite her flaws and had tried to make the relationship work.

Offering a conversational olive branch, I said, "I heard about how Eve supervised Bella's test in the cave when she broke her leg and watched over her like a gargoyle for hours until Seth found her."

Liam rubbed his face. "It took me hours to get through to Seth. I saw the whole thing."

"Can you show me?"

"Why would you want to see something that awful?"

"Because Bella is terrified of water. I need to know if this has anything to do with it."

Liam held out his palm and I placed mine over his.

_Images of Bella finding a letter – handwritten by Eve to look like Liam's writing bravely climbing down the ladder into the pit. The terrified expression on her face as the door to the lab shut and locked her out. __Eve and her guard watching in the pitch black as Bella's foot slipped on a slimy patch of ground and she fell ten feet, striking her head and breaking her leg. Eve keeping the others from pulling her out of the pool of water she fell in claiming that since it was only a few feet deep she was fine. Eve tracking Bella's pulse as she grew colder and weaker for hours. I did not understand, Bella should have died of hypothermia at the very least. This was hard to watch. Bella opened her eyes and they glowed with a white fire as she crawled out of the pool onto dry ground and grabbed a blanket that rested atop a first aid kit Liam had stacked against the wall. She ignored the flashlight that was within reach and curled back up on the ground. Moving with a broken leg like that must have been agony but she never cried out once. _

_The others sniped at Eve at vampire pitch that Bella had clearly failed the test and they had better turn her because there would be trouble when Arria returned. Eve saying, "She has passed the test." She shrugged. "Humans heal." Seth finding Bella hours later and trying to lift her. Eve in spirit form holding Bella's body so that he could get her out of the pit and lab and into the house before he called for help in the form of 911 and then his parents. The look of pride that warred with bitterness and grief on Eve's face as she watched the ambulance take Bella away with Sue at her side. _

_Eve's mate touching her shoulder and saying to her, "I supported you back there because you are my mate, but I will not stand back and watch you hurt that child ever again."_

"_She had to pass her trial. I had to treat her like all the others."_

"_She nearly died. What do you think Arria would do if you turned her child at that age?"_

_Eve said, "But it all worked. Bella is now officially a Telecles." _

"_You made her undergo the challenge twice as long. Why?"_

"_So no one will question her strength. We all witnessed that she never cried out once. We all saw her pull herself out of the water. We all are witnesses to her strength. She might have a damaged body, but her soul is strong. I had to do it."_

_Her mate took his hand off her shoulder and walked away. _

_Once alone, Eve whispered, "I'm sorry Liam. I tried. I just can't help but see the children that we should have had.__ I've tried to protect her in my own way." Even Eve didn't sound like she believed those words. The memories ended._

I pulled my hand back as if burned. I was so angry my hands shook. At least I had the consolation that Liam's did, too.

Jugurtha whispered, "Don't you wonder if they ever had sex? Cause Liam looks like one uptight man. Think of how irritated Eve would be, if they lived the situation you are in right now - only imagine hand jobs for forty years."

Oh my. Liam's insanity was now starting to make more sense. I barely avoided spewing at the lurid thoughts of his purported sex life.

Jugurtha said, "All joking aside, he is clearly conflicted about Eve. Best stay away from that topic. We now know why Bella fears water. Had the tide come in with her in that place, she would have drowned. And clearly she had some kind of help that they did not know about. She tapped into her power."

Starched Shirt Edward sniped, "Ask him what he wants so we can wake up. Our dear little one needs us, remember?" Oh. Right. That.

"What do you want?" The sooner I knew, the quicker he would be on his unmerry way.

"You need to undo what I did."

"You mean make Bella happy with you despite eighteen years of family deception? No. Not sorry. That's your mess. I cannot make her forgive you."

"I meant with the food, Edward," he said gruffly with glistening eyes.

"Oh. How? We don't really have ten years for Bella to attend graduate school and get a doctorate like you planned. The food is dying off too fast."

Liam said, "If you turn her, it's the only thing she can survive on."

"Consider me now duly inspired. And I'll see what I can do about her attitude about you." Liam nodded in thanks.

"Check the family letters. Tell Bella I love her, and that I want her to read the book I hate. And one last thing."

"Promise?"

Liam smirked.

"Tell her I said congratulations on her marriage."

"Give your sister my very best," I waved. So I left off the words, "rude gesture." But still. It was the thought that counts, right? My Mothers raised me right.

With that, Liam left me alone in his dank pit of a lab.

I rubbed at my aching head. Family letters?

Starched Shirt Edward opened his diary and flipped through it, tongue showing as he hummed, "Here," he pointed at a passage that actually was not a plea to God to save my dark immortal soul.

"What?"

"When she convalesced at our house after the pneumonia, her human stepfather mailed her boxes." Starched Shirt Edward continued cheerfully, "You and our vampire Mother scanned every letter that she had while invading her privacy."

The thought occurred to Jugurtha and I at the same time. "It's in code."

Magnificent. Surely someone like Marcus had scientists at his beck and call, reputable ones, that were immortal and loyal. And Jasper would squee with excitement at the idea of breaking another code. It would make him feel needed. Useful. And keep him out of my hair. Go me! I made a triumphant fist pump.

The walls of the lab melted and I found myself in an all-too-familiar location, golden moss gleaming in the half-light. My hand was still pointing straight up in the air as I sat there sinking into the plush leather recliner.

Hezekiah clicked his tongue at me, sighed, and shook his head. "You, son, are pig-headed sometimes."

Dropping my fist, I slumped in my chair, feeling all of ten years old, staring at the floral display he had around his chair. This time it was daisies. My hands gripped the armrests of the recliner, white-knuckled when I saw Hezekiah shaking his head at me.

"I know," I said.

"Dagnabbit, kid. You are really lucky that Bella didn't figure out about your Father and brothers playing lookie-loo the other night."

"Are you suggesting I tell her?"

"Hell no! You're already in the doghouse. If it's one thing I learned being married for a few decades, never give an angry woman more fuel to use when burning you at the stake of her temper."

"Oh."

Hezekiah said, "You made a good step talking to Bella today. You need to keep that practice up."

"What?" I would rather face Maria's Southern Coven Demonic possessed army again unarmed in human form covered in yummy-smelling human blood than put myself through an emotional ordeal like that on a daily basis. Talking totally sucks!

"Or get used to being alone."

"I will do my best."

Drat! The things I had to do to keep my Bella happy. Why wasn't killing irritating hordes of immortals enough? Slaying thousands showed my devotion surely. Right?

And I brought her flowers. Married her too. Twice. About ready to be three times. That had to stand for something.

Hezekiah said, "I need to change the subject before I start ranting at you. Edward, remember I told you that one of my gifts was to see the future?"

"Yes."

"Well, you've been using it all along. It just hasn't occurred to you." He tapped my temple.

"What?"

"Take that dream you had with Maria. That was a vision. That happened. The spirits were giving you a warning that Bella was in danger."

"Oh."

He blushed, "Remember that dream you kept having about you in bed with your wife? Over and over?"

"That was one, too?" And kill me now - he saw it? Ye gads! My ears began burning, my face turned so red.

"Yes. You mistook it for a fantasy. That's why they tried to change it up a few times so you would start to figure out." _They? More than one spirit was involved in this?_

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because sometimes, Edward, you learn best by learning the hard way."

"Were the visions with my parents real?"

"Those weren't visions. That was us allowing them to visit you."

"Why? Has the Committee of Geezers and Geezerettes found another way to yank my chain aside from half-convincing me to kill my wife that day in the cave?"

I clenched my hands into fists. This "you're too stupid to be a white man," routine was becoming tiresome.

Hezekiah grasped my head in both of his withered hands. His fingers were warm.

"We didn't ask you to do that. You decided that was what we wanted. There is a difference. We never would ask you to sacrifice an innocent life. But Edward, put it in perspective. You refused to do it. Even under tremendous pressure. You took a huge chance and risked your life to keep her safe. We sent your human parents to you so you would understand that you are a good man, capable of noble things, son."

"What?"

"Who loves you more than your own parents on this earth? Who would you believe before anyone else by instinct?"

"Oh."

"Believe in them, Edward. Believe in you. Your mother had a vision where she saw you accomplishing great things. You have your entire life ahead of you to prove her right."

I stared at the stream, the water rushing against the polished rocks. The verdant moss coating the nearby logs and boulders. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, time marched on, sculpting me into a new form no matter how hard I resisted.

"Besides, you still have your mission. And um, when you return, it's going to smart. A lot. Get ready."

I had to save the world. Again. But first, I needed to find my wife.

In my not-quite-human-form, I woke on thick grass feeling sun warming my skin and immediately regretted it. It felt like Thor personally wielded his hammer on my chest, abdomen, and the left side of my skull. Everything was hazy around me, and I could not smell a thing. I managed, barely, to roll over in time to be ingloriously ill on a patch of petunias that shriveled, shrieked, and fainted while I hunched over them on all fours.

Someone patted my back soothingly and handed me something cool to rinse my mouth out as I spat on the now quite dead flowers. I felt like a small child crying out for his Mother's arms. Shivering, I tried to focus on my surroundings, but my vision would not cooperate, leaving me a myopic mess. I felt another soft blanket cover my shoulders.

"Thank you," I said through chattering teeth.

Time seemed to pass. It felt like I laid there for hours, perhaps days, intermittently screaming in agony. I could hear the murmur of concerned voices. At times, I could have sworn I felt Bella curled up against me.

I felt a large callused hand touch my skull and my vision cleared somewhat. Bella knelt beside me. She patted my back, her eyes grave.

My voice shook as I whispered, "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head "no" and put her hands on either side of my face. I crumpled against her.

"Thank God. I am so sorry. I never meant. . ."

"Shh, I'm fine, husband. It's ok. I understand. I love you."

She called me "husband." And she had her rings on her hand. I could feel them on my bare cheek. Not that cheek. Deviant. Alas. I meant my face. Now that I had assured myself of her welfare, I paid attention to our immediate surroundings. I laid on a canopied bed in the middle of a garden. A forest loomed off to our left, the floor covered with purple blossoms. It bothered me to no end that my vision was poor enough I could not tell what type. Something huge blotted out the light. Something that stood over the two of us staring down at me.

In my long life on this earth, I have seen many an odd thing. The man crouched beside me was massive. He made Sergei appear malnourished and minute.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Edward. You have been unconscious for several days."

I slapped at my ears. They were not working right. That, or I was hallucinating.

"Is this a vision?"

"No. Why are you doing that?" He captured my arm.

Bella tightened her grip around me. "I took us to Grandmother Gaia's. We need help."

The short hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention.

I pointed at the man. "Because you cannot be here. Like this."

"Ah, but I am," answered the voice of the Beast of Chicago, while Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, even Dream Edward gawped in awe. The man smiled, not a very reassuring one, "Some call me Ares."

* * *

**Snarky Summary: Gotcha. *smirks* Edward brings new meaning to the term "cold shower" and once again rocks Bella's world. Not like that. But now he's ****almost forty feet tall and has a big . . . snout. Dragon breath, too. The FitzFlock come out to play. Edward decides to pay a visit to some uninvited guests that appear to be about ready to ambush Marcus' troops. He's nice like that, giving them a light show they're sure to remember for eternity. On his way back, his wife grabs him and Edward has time for two quick visions - one from Crazy Uncle Liam, and the other from Hezekiah. He wakes up at Gaia's place, Bella at his side. And some gigantic dude named Ares. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**Please review and let me know what you think about the story, or any one-shots that you desire to read penned by yours truly. I'm not picky. And remember, we are almost done with this story.****Swear. Evil author's honor. **


	73. The Truth Shall Set You Free

**Cullenary Coupling Chapter Fifteen – The Truth Shall Set You Free**

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me!**

**Many thanks to LJ Summers for the beta assistance above and beyond the call of duty, and to Fantasy Mother, prettyflour and pomme_de_terre for the pre-reading.**

*****Warning. This chapter contains sexual content. Lots.*****

**Links are posted on my profile**

**Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting this story - for the PM's, Tweets, posts on the thread, and support over the past two years as this story has unfolded. We have reached the final chapter. Really. Seriously. Evil Author's Honor. See?**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, Lucius, and Aaron are mine. So there.

**Snarky Summary: Last chapter Edward kind of let his hair down and went stark raving wild. So he and some recent acquaintances had their own throw down in Oregon and Edward brought along some supernatural friends of Grace to liven the place up. And then the Quileute spirits had to go and be party poopers. Edward was forced to party naked. Alone. Bella decided to give him a hand in his hour of need. So Edward got a little bit of a surprise at the end of the last chapter. The voice coming from Ares is the exact same one used by that smoke-like being known as the Beast of Chicago. You know, the one that taught him how to fight and kill all those years ago? To be merciless in the face of evil? That guy. The one that Edward thought he locked up in a corner of his mind and only let out when he was absolutely desperate and needed someone more ruthless than Jugurtha? That guy. So put yourself in Main Edward's shoes right about now. Because guess who has been privy to his every intimate thought for the past oh seventy-plus years? You guessed it. That guy. The God of War. Bella's Great-Grandfather. And just think, he's knocked up Gaia again. Things from past chapters that you need to remember to help you with this one are as follows: the land that the O'Shea farm is on has a legend that it holds a source of endless power. Liam O'Shea helped make the algae that the Lost Coven vampires have used to mask their scent, cure their bloodlust, and sustain themselves - and that algae over the past year and a half has been producing less and less. No one can find Liam's notes on how he made the algae. Main Edward thinks the story of how Bella came to be is a load of horse hockey. How, if the Volturi failed for years to get IVF to work could Genevieve had gotten it to work? Satan? He thinks not. Bella has a history of nightmares. In the weeks leading up to the wedding they were getting awfully bad, thanks to our dear little dismembered on a daily basis Perdiccus. When Edward and the Cullens were away, Paula transformed every last tribe member that had the wolf gene. And not all of them were able to link in with the main pack so formed their own. Edward managed to fix that problem several chapters back, but those that fought and died prior to that - took their memories to the grave. Edward was given Hezekiah's ability to see the future in dreams. He's still figuring out how that gift works. You might find it helpful to re-read the one-shot Bella and the Priestess because Gaia's story is key in this chapter. Oh the fun we're going to have, my pretties. As we resume our tale, in what will be the final chapter, we find Edward gobsmacked as he stares up at Ares. And so we begin.**

* * *

Speechless, I scrutinized this giant of a man before me - the one with an oh so familiar voice.

Bella's arm wrapped around my waist and she said in a tone that I am quite sure she intended to be soothing, "It's only my great-grandfather."

Only? Right, like Gaia was an ordinary octogenarian great-grandmother who popped Geritol tablets like candy.

Now I really understood where that whole love of battle stories came from. By Jove! I mean, ye gads!

The predator studied Ares. I glared at Jugurtha, "Did you know about this?"

"Surely after all our time together you realize that I would have told you had I known?" He sounded equal parts affronted and fascinated.

Starched Shirt Edward crossed his arms and sniffed, "I always suspected there was something fishy about that character. Now we know he's a pagan who is delusional enough to think that he's the God of War. Our poor dear little one. All her relations are mad!"

Jugurtha said, "Watch it with that pagan business. I'm a pagan."

"You what?"

"I do not ascribe to that belief system that you have constructed that seems to be all about denying a person the things that he or she needs for survival - and making them feel guilty for wanting things. And I like you. And even your famous Thomas Aquinas said that if a pagan led a good life, that he would be accepted into the hereafter. And over half of Bella's family are pagans, the human part are Protestants." Score one point for Jugurtha.

Starched Shirt Edward gawped, stamped his foot and said, "We are having an existential crisis here! We do not have the luxury of time for a debate. Help him!" He pointed a shaking finger at me.

Right. Totally needed assistance at the moment as my lips flapped but no sound emerged.

Of course, Gaia chose her entrance well. "Husband, don't these humans have that custom of copulating like animals the night they are joined?"

Bella and I both flushed. Animal. Great joke that. Gaia's lips twitched. I did not think the woman had a sense of humor. Silly me.

"Boy, it is good to see you up and alive. Child," she took Bella by the hand, "we should leave the men some time alone to have a talk."

Bella leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, "Be strong," she whispered. And with that, Gaia took my anchor, my Bella, away. She left me sitting in a bed, covered only with a sheet, feeling more naked than ever.

For a full fifteen minutes I simply sat there in discomfort, mind racing over all the things that the Beast – I mean Ares had been witness to.

"You need to unlearn that habit." Ares frowned on my nervous habit of tugging my hair. "It shows the enemy that you are nervous."

"Why?" I wondered. "Why me? I don't understand."

I mean, he was the God of War. Allegedly. Certainly he had better things to do with his time while separated by divine machinations from his stinking bride than hang around in my head? He had trained me for years.

"It is a long story." He sat across from me on the pillowed floor. Even sitting he still was taller than I.

"I suspect I have time."

"My wife made me promise not to attack the other gods and goddesses when they convened a Star Chamber about the fate of my children. She was convinced that she could reason with them – that her siblings would support her. Even when she was wrong, I had to keep my word because I swore on my honor to my wife, and she could not bear to attack her family."

"I mean no offense."

"Go ahead and ask."

"How did you . . . " my voice trailed off. I could not verbalize such a horrid thought.

"Are you asking me how I could sit back and watch my children die one by one?"

All my impressive acting ability shriveled at his glare. I believe I answered that by the horrified expression that crossed my face.

Ares shook his head and stared at his hands. "I promised my wife I would not hurt her family. I could have declared war and defeated a few of the stronger ones. But at the time, I lacked the power to defeat them all. Ultimately, I would have died and that would have left Gaia alone. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my existence, choosing the welfare of my wife and watching all but one of our children die. And I was with them in spirit with each death. I felt their pain and guarded their souls because I would not release them to Hades. In return, I had to spend eons alone without my wife at my side as further punishment for the sin of loving her and creating children. She accepted her punishment."

"Why?"

"Because she felt guilty. Fortunately she recently recovered from that sentiment. She's been in a devil of a temper since." He said that fondly.

"But how am I involved?"

"I am getting to that part. All in good time."

"I apologize."

"Accepted." He scratched his chin. "Now where were we? I wandered for a while in a surly mood. I have memories of throwing a temper tantrum that created what you call the Grand Canyon and the Mojave desert."

"The Sahara?"

"Guilty." He acted anything but. "What? It was my wife's domain. She never said I could not redecorate."

I snorted, the Sahara when last I checked measured a fourth the size of the continent of Africa. He didn't think his wife would notice? Then I felt bad for my mistimed mirth.

"I apologize. I cannot imagine creating three million miles of sand because I'm angry." And imagining the look on Gaia's face when she found it while amusing for a moment - appeared tactless.

"Don't. It wasn't funny at the time, but the years have given me a different perspective. You have walked in my shoes you know - in a lesser sense."

"I have?"

"When you thought that Bella had died. Your rage blasted the earth in a radius over a hundred miles." That was, unfortunately true. And had not been very funny at the time. I was an ass.

I gulped. Ares continued, "Time passed and I ended up here, building this Shangri-La for my wife where none could harm her."

"Where are we?"

"We are in an area of the Olympic Peninsula that I decided that I was not going to share with humans. It exists on no map. Gaia likes it warm when Bella is here to help her lungs, so she can make it any season she wants."

"That's impressive."

He waved a palm. "I have to admit, after I made this place I grew bored. I also knew that once Gaia came here, she would redecorate anyway as all women do. So I decided I could make other things that were productive. I created the Quileute spirits and made the warriors of the tribe into shapeshifters."

"Why?"

"Why not? I didn't like seeing them get slaughtered by vampires. Especially ones that made offerings to entities that had killed my children. It seemed only fair. I watched over them for generations and devised a plan. But it had to be hatched at the right time, and it had to be done in a way that could not be traced to me in order to protect my wife."

"So what was Bella's older brother, the one who died? Chopped liver?"

"An attempt that failed. He was not strong enough to survive, sadly. He was a good lad. Arria needed another child, so I gave her Bella as well."

"Are you saying she's your daughter with Arria?" I could not hide the horror in my voice. I know the legends had the Greek gods sleeping with their sisters and brothers and cousins, and that insanity by genetics would definitely explain some of my bride's behavior. But ew.

"Edward, you have always been suspicious about the story of her birth."

"Yes, the Volturi tried for years to make IVF work and failed. So how could Genevieve do it if they could not?"

"She didn't. I did."

"How?"

"I went out and found a minor god." He waved a massive hand dismissively, "One no one would really miss. Long forgotten. I killed him and used his blood to give her the life force to live."

Incredulously, I asked, "Are you saying she was born a goddess?"

"No, she is human. I used an unusual power source to create her is all. We were born with skill sets that distinguished us from others, but we had to survive tests and challenges of the body and mind in order to earn that distinction. Some of them were unpleasant. Gaia was rather put out with Marcus for accepting the venom because it meant he could never reach his full potential. You, Edward, have been put through several trials and you have passed them all so far – a few by the skin of your teeth."

"I know. I still don't understand how I fit into your plan. Why me?" I sounded stupid, but I needed an answer. "I'm a vampire. You said Marcus could never reach his full potential."

"Marcus would not agree to undergo the training."

"He's the most powerful vampire I have ever met."

"Yes," Ares said mournfully, "but the power he wields is a fraction of what he could have had. That was why the other gods let him live. They consider him a weakling incapable of harming them."

"Oh my. Vivinna taking on a few of them the other day and killing them must have been a surprise."

Ares' hedonistic grin made me sit back a bit.

"She did have help." He rubbed his fingernails on his shirt. "Since the time of Marcus' change, we have learned more about the nature of vampires. Technically speaking, you are no longer strictly vampire. Before I forget, Gaia reminded me I had to feed you. Here."

He handed me a glass with the worst smelling blood I have ever encountered. Worse than Jacob Black's skunk scent. Worse that Gaia's cave. Worse than Fork's high school cafeteria food and Jessica Stanley's breath.

"I'm not – "

"You are hungry, and I do understand that the smell is repellent. But you are still going to drink it because it will make you feel better and it will help with your blood lust for Bella."

So I tossed it back like Mike Newton would a glass of beer. And it felt unusual once it came into my system. All the pain vanished. My vision improved. I could hear better than ever before. And I felt strong. Really strong. I could sense Grace who crooned at me, and still track my family. How awesome was that?

Ares continued, "I had my eye on your line for quite some time. They showed potential. When the vampires took Carlisle and changed him, his discipline astounded me. So I sent him to Chicago after having him stop in Italy to treat Marcus."

"My Father knows about you?"

"No. I can influence him, you know. In little ways. It did not take much persuasion for him to become repulsed with the experiments that he saw Caius doing and long for a family of his own."

"Oh."

"Then one of my siblings unleashed the Spanish Influenza for amusement."

"That is their idea of sport? Haven't they heard of football? Baseball?"

Ares snorted. "For some reason they find plagues and pestilence highly diverting."

"Why?"

"Because vampires cannot survive long on tainted blood. All the other gods were jealous that Hades created vampires and wanted to test their abilities. Others wanted to scare humans into praying to them to remember their importance and feed them power. I was ordered to start a few wars here and then, so I cannot point fingers."

"So they killed that many people as an experiment?"

Ares shrugged. "That is the cycle of life sometimes."

"Why not unleash a plague on the vampires?"

"Oh, they tried to do that and met with limited success. When Hades made the vampires, he was crafty."

My mind felt like mush.

"Because of the interference of the Influenza, I sent a few visions to your late mother. I had Carlisle turn you rather than see you die. I sent Esme to your Father so you would return to Chicago so I could train you."

"Oh."

"I found a way to communicate with you thanks to your unique mind. A way that hid my actions from the ones that watched me. I taught you how to fight. You showed diligence. You could think on your feet. You showed such potential." He sounded positively wistful.

"But I left."

"You did. I understood. I needed you to get back to Washington to meet with the Quileutes. I was so proud when you forged that alliance with them."

"Did you arrange for Hezekiah to give me power?"

"Actually, no. He did that on his own initiative when he was tested. Brave man. He sensed your potential like I did."

"Did you arrange for me to meet Sister Claire?"

"That young nun that perished with the children?"

"She was of Marcus' line. Your line."

"I know. I could not interfere because she was being watched as was I since Perdiccas had other goddesses helping him. You had to be protected. Her words that she said to you were her own."

"So why have you been silent all these years?"

"I needed you to have time to accept your gifts and to learn how to use them. Also, I wanted to see how you coped with having power. I have been there when you needed me, you know."

"You did help me when I thought Bella died. Yes."

"I plucked you from the ocean and sent you to Vivinna and had her seer order her to help you invade the Volturi. I was with you every step of the way in Italy because you were, well, mad, at the time. We make a good team."

"We do, and you have my thanks."

He nodded.

"What am I?"

"When you ask the Quileute spirits for aid - you accept their strength - which comes from me. Every time you use them, you become stronger. I have been training you and you have responded well. You are now stronger than most immortals, although it has been hard on your system."

"What did you want me to be? I'm not hunting down criminals on the streets of Chicago."

"I trained you to be a weapon. A lethal one that would help me in my campaign. Over the centuries, I've managed to take Hades' children and put them under my rule."

"Earlier you mentioned that you started a few wars."

"That I did."

"Did you start the Vampire wars?"

"Can't fool you, can I?" He acted impressed. "It was part of my campaign to wrest them from my brother. Hades was not amused because they were no longer killing as many humans to send to his realm. I have over half the world's vampire population living off of the algae. I wanted someone strong enough to guard Bella from any who might seek to harm her so Marcus could see to other duties. I made her your singer as incentive for you to want to stay around her. Then you had to go and fall in love with her," he grumbled.

"You do not approve?" I was aghast.

"The two of you are well suited." What a vote of confidence! His voice sounded neutral.

"Thank you."

"Let us simply say that you surprised me. I thought you heart-hardened long ago to love."

He glanced away for a moment and changed subjects, "Do you understand why Eve and Liam never mated?"

"Aside from the fact that she was a conniving shrew and he was barking-at-the-moon mad?"

Ares nodded, giving the ghost of a grin. "Yes."

"Neither one trusted the other when it mattered."

"Partly. They did not unconditionally accept one another. Eve could not accept Liam's love for Bella. Knowing this, he could not, therefore, give all of himself to her. Even if he had been turned, they never would have formed that connection."

"True."

"Now you know how to fix your bond with Bella."

Perhaps I sounded indignant. "I beg your pardon? I accept her unconditionally."

"She does not appreciate that yet. You still need to talk. Especially after the stunt you pulled. Edward, Bella has to know you in order to accept you, and you have to give her that chance."

"How did you make her a source of endless power?"

"I did not."

Exasperated, I threw up my hands, "You have got to be kidding me."

Ares intoned, "Scout's honor." He even made the Boy Scout gesture correctly.

The idea of Ares as an Eagle Scout entertained me. What would his trials be? Slaughtering millions in record time? Inventing new weapons of mass destruction? Hazing Hercules?

"So how did Bella acquire the power if she is human?"

Ares tapped his chin, "When Eve tested her, I lost my patience." He bared his teeth, "So I interfered with the test."

"How?"

"I kept Bella alive and gave her a bit of my power so she could climb out of that pool."

"Is that why her eyes were glowing in the vision that I had?"

"Yes. I showed that to you, but hid it from Eve and her flunkies. I made a huge risk doing it because it could have exposed Bella to the ones that watched me. Fortunately, I managed to shield her."

"Why did you even keep Eve alive?" Had I known then what she had done to Bella, I would have dismembered her on the spot.

"In her own way, she proved useful and kept Liam happy. I needed Liam for his science. I had to create the algae without my wife's help or knowledge. She was watched too closely. With Eve, I punished her by denying her children: the one thing she wanted most. I influenced Arria and Liam to realize Eve's craving for power." He shrugged. "I sent Genevieve a few visions that led her to believe that they were going to have to give their lives to keep Bella safe. I influenced Liam to come up with a plan for Bella if that happened. That is why he made the phone call that he did right before he died. It alerted a part of Arria's guards that they needed to return to watch over her."

"That phone line was traced to a small town in Louisiana. Why were Arria's people there?"

"It had a strain of algae that Liam needed to perfect the one he created. They kept it alive."

With the three stooges of ghostly behavior gone; that would take out the secret of the algae, the secret of Bella's birth, and an annoying man with a penchant for gossiping about his betters to complete strangers.

"So are you the reason why the Lost Covens can travel around the way that they do and hide from others?"

"I am. Camouflage is an essential part of warfare, as is the ability to move around undetected. By toying with the vampires, I also kept the gods distracted watching Hades and me fight. They never looked at the humans because they dismissed them as part of my plan to take over the vampires."

Jugurtha saluted Ares. "I am in awe. This man is a _master_. You definitely should pull up a chair and learn from him."

"Bella seems human." I scratched my head. She smelled like a human. Even when she used her power.

"That small bit of power I gave her stayed dormant in her system, but kept growing. When you used your gift on her, combined with the medallion that she wore, it set off a chain of events. The _algae_ was the source of endless power. You all got it wrong about her."

"How? I've never seen a limit to the power that she can give."

"Bella can die. That takes away her power by its nature. The endless source part, you see, is not in Bella as of yet."

"So she would be if she were a vampire?"

"Vampires can die, too. The endless source of power is the algae because it is self sustaining – at least it was – and it frees the vampires from being dependent on humans and from the yoke of Hades. They no longer have to serve him."

Starched Shirt Edward trembled. "I do not understand. Is Hades Satan? Were we serving the Dark Lord all that time?"

"Who exactly is Hades? I believe in the devil and Hell."

"Oh Satan does exist - we just call him by a different name. He now has dominion over his fiery kingdom. Hades rules over what you call limbo. He made the vampires because he did not like Satan getting all the attention when Hell was taken from him and his duties halved after that squabble about his marriage."

We sat in silence before I uttered my concern.

"Bella does not want to be turned. Not really." I sighed. "And I cannot bear to see her turned against her will."

"I know. And because of you, me, Marcus, Carlisle, and Gaia, she will never be forced." Ares clapped me on the back. "You took this far better than I expected."

I canted my head at him, this giant of a man. "Life has thrown so many curve balls my way lately."

"True. Gaia should be done with Bella soon."

"What is she doing?"

"Besides lecturing her on her wifely duties?"

Jugurtha chortled, "Now I would pay good coin to see that."

"Yes."

"She's offering her the same bargain that I am going to offer you."

"I'm not giving Bella up for any reason!" I started to get out of the bed.

"Calm yourself, my woman predicted you would go into hysterics." He easily flicked me onto the bed. "No one is taking Bella from you. We are making the two of you an offer."

"What kind of offer?"

"Stay here. Live free of fear from harm. Undergo your training. Love each other. We shall protect you and yours."

"But what about the other gods and goddesses?"

"Gaia and I have gathered enough power and made enough alliances over the years, that I believe they now understand that they must behave. Over the past week, I have coated the halls of Olympus with the blood of my enemies' children." He said that so reasonably.

"How is that to stop them from taking revenge?"

"Gaia is the goddess of fertility."

"Yes?"

"They have been able to procreate for the past thousand years because of her . . . generosity. All that changed when she saw Bella and realized what I had been doing. My wife lost her temper at last. She broke away from her prison, stopped serving her family, and came to find me and gave me her blessing. I killed every single child our enemies made with gods and humans during that time of our suffering. I left the children of our allies alone."

"Who did Gaia kill?"

"A few of her siblings that tried to stop her." He made that sound so trivial.

I am not ashamed to say that I gawped. Birth control for divine powers? Brute force birth control. But still. When it came to measuring the propensity for backstabbing and dark deeds committed against one's own kin, the De Medicis had nothing on these people, um, entities. Um, family. Whatever.

Ares continued. "We are going to let them suffer for a thousand years. At the end of that time, we will reconsider for another thousand years allowing them to have children. They have agreed to this truce."

Jugurtha laughed. "I like him even more. Jasper will have a new idol."

"Why did you not make this threat earlier?"

"Because we lacked the power and allies that we have now. We could not have enforced it. I have spent every second of the past thousand years amassing power to fight them, while they have grown lax and weaker. Why do you think Marcus has an army? They are mine as well. They feed Gaia and me."

"So that is how the legionnaires move so quickly? And haven't fallen in battle?"

He nodded. "Quick study. My son had suffered so much. I had to aid him when I could." Then he sighed. "My wife has instructed me that I must have a man-to-man chat with you."

"About?"

"Sex and Bella."

I really didn't like hearing those two words together unless they were in my mind.

"Your powers on earth have been inconsistent not only because of your vampire system – but also because of your emotions. I did my best to train you, young one, but you are awfully stubborn."

"Is Hezekiah a figment of my imagination?"

"No, he is real, and rather confused right now, but fascinated. He says, 'hello,' by the way."

"So what does my staying here have to do with sex? And please offer Hezekiah and Jenny a greeting on my behalf."

Ares waved at the land around us, "Here, you can make love without fear of hurting your wife with your powers. Unless you are working with Gaia or me on a lesson, you cannot phase."

"That sounds positive. What else?"

"Should the two of you decide that you are open to it, Gaia says you can have children. I promise they will be safe."

"My answer is contingent upon Bella's approval. But I think you have a deal that I can tolerate."

We shook on it.

He wagged a finger at me. "Now you need to level with Bella and tell her what you have been holding back. Because until you shed your secrets, your mate bond with her will not be fixed. Edward, you must do this by choice."

"Does this mean I can never have a secret or private thought from my wife again?" That was wrong. I mean, I know I was a mind reader and all and knew everyone _else's_ secrets. But still. It hardly seemed fair.

"No, it means that you must deal with the shame that you have – and offer your true self to your wife in order for her to unconditionally love you. Once that is formed, your mate bond will be complete. We have managed to stop the stress of the bond on Bella's system. We have strengthened her."

"Deal."

"Gaia and I will respect your privacy. None can come here without our invitation."

"Even better."

Ares laughed. "Through that archway over there, you will find your quarters. Your wife is waiting for you. But before you go."

"Yes?"

He threw a pair of pants at me. "Put something on."

Starched Shirt Edward said primly, "We require a proper set of undergarments."

Jugurtha cautioned him, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Because that advice worked so well for the Trojans," Starched Shirt Edward rejoined.

Ares said, "Over the past few days your powers have been restructured. You will use your time down here to train when you are not with your wife and family."

"Is that what hurt so much?"

"Yes. Sorry about that. Unavoidable. They should function without harming you as much or causing as much pain. You can only phase when I permit you to down here." The great god of war actually shuddered. "Gaia would throw a conniption fit if you desecrated her gardens."

"Fine by me." He could tell I was getting impatient to see my wife. It hurt to be parted from her.

"We still need to talk about the sex part."

"Oh." I cleared my throat. "Erm."

"Your fear of hurting Bella and shame over having sex are causing your powers to interfere."

"But I'll always fear hurting her. She's so delicate."

"My friend," Jugurtha said, "time to get over it. Or you're never getting any."

"You are married, Edward. You are allowed to make love to your wife - even if she is human. While here, she is under our protection. I suggest you take advantage of this location and practice with your wife. Now. But try talking with her first."

"You say that she's protected, but I still have venom." I didn't mean to argue. But still.

"Vampire venom won't work on her at present. Gaia sensed Bella's feelings so made her immune."

"Does Bella know? She is going to be angry if we don't turn her. I promised."

"She knows now. When I said you can't hurt her, I should have said, for long. That doesn't mean your teeth are not sharp. So watch them."

"I thought you said I couldn't hurt her?"

Matter-of-factly, he said, "I was referring to the whole thrashing about problem that you have when you orgasm, not your strength differential or your teeth. Those you still have to watch. Be careful."

Jugurtha opined, "One out of three - the most dangerous problem at that - is not bad. Act grateful."

"Thank you."

Hurriedly, I dressed and ran. Fast. I could not keep her waiting. I had to offer her my unconditional surrender. I mean love. And dammit, I had to talk, too. I thought of every thing that we had been through. And I could not wait to reach her side. At long last, I wanted to claim my bride. I owed my wife orgasms. Several. With interest. And just once, I would like to have one without causing massive deforestation.

Following her scent, I found her standing by a trellis covered with star-shaped jasmine blossoms. The babbling of a nearby shallow fountain made the courtyard seem like a lost haven. She met me halfway, throwing herself into my arms. This seemed like a promising start. And even better, there was a nifty-looking day bed conveniently placed nearby. That Gaia definitely wanted grandchildren.

And my, that kiss Bella offered me positively curled my toes. My knees almost buckled when she nibbled on my lower lip.

"Husband, I've had quite enough of this scaring me to death nonsense."

"Look who is stalking, my little demon chaser." I scoffed and kissed her back.

She wrapped her legs around my waist and stroked my face. My, she felt magnificent in my arms. Then she pulled back. I sulked like a toddler for a moment as she said those four words that every man, venomed or not, quakes in terror at hearing.

"We need to talk."

Trailing my lips against her ear, I sighed, "But this is so much more entertaining."

"I know," she agreed. Bella slid down me and I think she quite purposely lingered around my groin area as she descended to the ground. "But once we get the talking over think how focused I'll be." My bride was an imp from Satan's right hand.

"Tease," I groaned.

Her eyes widened. "It isn't if you plan on following through. Think of it as a promise."

I started contemplating all sorts of repulsive things in order to calm down enough to be able to actually engage in a civilized conversation with her. The idea of Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley copulating did the job.

Jugurtha stared at the mental image and whistled, "Did you have to give her vagina yellow pointed teeth? I could live without that visual."

"It worked," I said to him.

Starched Shirt Edward implored, "Please tell me real women aren't made like that."

"No they are not." Jugurtha said, "It's a bad dream to calm his manly parts. Please pray for us to resist our carnal urges." He sent Starched Shirt Me scurrying for the prayer bench, hands clasped in adoration before the Blessed Mother's icon.

I gulped. Not more of this talking business. I had talked more in the past twenty-four hours than I think I did from 1950-1990. Reluctantly, I sat by her side on the day bed.

Starched Shirt Edward called from his prayer bench, "Think of it as a sacrifice that you make to show your love for your bride. It could lead to great things." True. Very true. The pompous pipsqueak had a point.

Bella said, "Edward, I followed our rules. How did that phasing happen? I did not give you power."

I sighed. "One of the gifts that I have from the Quileute spirits is the ability to have visions when I sleep."

"Okay."

"As our mate bond has strengthened, I've been having intense dreams." I wanted to crawl under the bench and die. "And one I had often was what happened with us. I honestly thought I was dreaming."

"The dreams are that intense?"

"That's why I've been running so much. I feared I'd pounce on you in my sleep, which I kind of sort of did."

"Your dreams have been that hot?" She raised and eyebrow and whistled.

"Indeed."

"Glad to know I'm not the only one."

Ye gads!

"Are you telling me," I wheezed, "that you have dreams of us together? Like that?"

"All the time." She airily waved a palm and fanned her face. "Edward you have never hurt me when we have been kissing. Were you afraid all along that you would phase into a wolf?"

"Not at first."

"You had other worries?" Her brow crinkled.

I hung my head and whispered, "I nearly killed you the day I found you ill with pneumonia."

"What?"

"You had a raging fever that made your scent ten times as strong, and I panicked. We were alone. I feared if I took your clothes off to put you in the tub to bring down your body temperature, that the blood lust would overwhelm me. I had to fight with everything I had not to kill you then and there."

"Oh. I don't remember."

"You took my hand and pulled me into your bed. If I had felt desire as a human, back then I had no memory of it, and I certainly had never experienced it as an immortal until you. So I had no way of knowing what my limits were."

"That makes sense." She sounded so understanding. I cringed at what I had to tell her next.

"You were so warm. It made your scent exponentially more potent, and you would not stay still. I was using my body temperature to try and cool you after giving you Tylenol because I was so terrified the doctor walked out of me."

"That doesn't sound bad."

"You kept moving and I kept trying to make you still without hurting you. I still was working on how much pressure I could use when holding you at that time. You became aroused and so did I." Perhaps I babbled that part rapidly.

"Are you saying we had sex?" Bella's voice rose.

"No!" My face probably resembled a ruby at present. "I thought that I could control myself, that this was merely a matter of discipline. You broke me. When your pelvis touched mine one time too many, I pushed you away and dove for the other side of the room."

"Like you did the other night?"

"Yes," I hung my head, "I . . . ejaculated, and I had no idea what was happening to me."

"I don't understand. You're a guy. I thought they all . . . um. . . regularly ejaculated for recreational purposes in the shower."

"I did not. You?"

She deadpanned. "Renée forgot to mail the vibrator she gave me for my seventeenth birthday."

"She gave you a sex toy?"

That woman was demented. And at the mental images I had of Bella using one in the privacy of our home, Jugurtha whistled, and covered Starch Shirt Edward's eyes. Dream Edward got all glassy-eyed.

Starch Shirt Edward wailed, "This is definitive proof that our poor dear little peach was warped as a child. What kind of Mother gives such wicked objects to her virgin daughter?"

"One who wants her to stay that way I imagine," Jugurtha whistled in admiration. "Perhaps Renée is not a complete idiot after all."

"Our peach will have no need of such machines. We will be all the _vibrato_r," he sneered the word, "that she needs, thank you very much."

We all stared at him.

"What? Am I wrong?"

My bride licked her lips– which was all kinds of arousing –and said, "Renée insisted it was easier and involved less heartache than teenage sex. Relax, I never even opened the box. Ok, so you had never had an orgasm." She said that so calmly.

"Not like that. When I did, not only did I have to fight to keep from leaping across the room and chomping on your neck, but I also thrashed around."

"I understand the wanting to drink my blood part. What's wrong with giving into the pleasure and moving?" It sounded so innocent when she put it that way.

"In the process I destroyed your dresser, your desk, your computer, your bookshelves. I missed killing you by mere inches."

"Oh. Is that all?"

"I shattered glass for a mile. And remember that earthquake?"

"Yes."

I whispered, "That was me."

"That's not normal for a vampire - your parents' house wouldn't be standing."

"You are absolutely correct. But I am the only one in the house with the Quileute powers that were never designed to be in a vampire body. So I've been spending all my spare time trying to figure out why my body did that without risking your life. And all my research was in vain."

"Research?" Her voice rose in pitch and volume. "What kind of research?" She narrowed her eyes.

Jugurtha said, "My good man. You just hinted that you had sex with trollops for research purposes. Babble about books. Now."

I blinked at her. "There are no other vampires in recorded history with this problem, and I conducted exhaustive study of ancient texts." That was, after all, totally true.

"What else?"

"I might possibly have tried in private to see what would occur if I ejaculated again. By myself." I stammered. "Without assistance from anyone." I wanted to crawl under the day bed and die at that moment. I ran my fingers nervously through my hair.

"What happened."

I sagged and covered my face, elbows on my knees. "I caused an earthquake, and flailed about so much I knocked down several old-growth trees, displaced the nest of a mother bird and offended a raccoon. It was ghastly."

She stroked the back of my neck. Her hands felt so nice.

"Did you talk to your family about it?"

"Alice found me on the floor that day in your room."

"She seems to understand you better than anyone."

"We talked but aside from offering emotional support and telling me what vampire sex was supposed to be like, she could not help."

"So no one else in your family knew?"

"No. It was private. Alice promised not to tell."

Bella patted my hand. "You must have been so scared when we kissed."

"I was. But at the same time, it felt so good. I did not have to worry about the phasing until after we fought the Southern Coven army. I had no idea I could even turn into a beast like that."

"Gosh, Edward. That kind of seriously sucks. And here I was thinking you didn't really want me. I'm so sorry for pushing your rules. I feel terrible."

I waved an arm at her. "It is in the past. The strengthening of the mate bond certainly made me want to break those rules a time or nine. Hezekiah warned me that if my emotions became too strong, that I might phase. It made me feel like some kind of depraved beast because I just wanted to kiss you all the time, but I had to show restraint. So I practiced all I could on exercising control the six months before our wedding. I hadn't phased once in all that time. Ares said that my shame and fear of hurting you were causing my powers to misfire."

"So that's why you did the plan?"

"Yes. I was trying to buy time and still give you what you wanted - what part of me that I could give. I realize it was stupid and disrespectful. And I feel horrible in hindsight."

"You know I've felt that way before – guilty and afraid to talk about it." I did not want to scoff when I saw how serious her demeanor was. In the light of the setting sun her hair glinted gold and copper. She toyed with it and then started wringing her hands.

"Tell me about it."

"When you were. . . away, Arria made me move in with her. She went on a trip, and I insisted that we had to go to the reservation. I wanted to see Sam and Leah. We ran into a new group of wolves and nearly got attacked by two of them before they realized who we were. One phased to human form and told us that they had just fought off a vampire attack and were checking the damage. There was smoke on the wind."

"Did your guards take you back?"

"I told them in Oscan that we had to check on the welfare of the algae. So no. We sent three to the farm to scout and decided to go forward."

She stilled and then started wringing her hands again. I took them both in mine and my head filled with gory images in a macabre spectacle. Bella did not realize it, but she sent me the memories from that time.

_Human screams competed with the roar of flames and filled the night air, accompanied by the scent of freshly spilled blood, the stench of vampire ash, and boiling chemicals that made even an immortal's nostrils flare in disgust. Oily smoke rose from a burning building. Members of the Quileute tribe hefted dripping sections of a butchered carcass of a child of the moon into a bonfire, along with twitching limbs of dismembered vampires. In a separate pile were bodies of massacred wolves phased into human form – what remained of them. Decimus stood slightly in front of her on her right side. She was surrounded by her guards. I could feel her heart hammering in her chest and how much it hurt to breathe._

_Decimus said over his shoulder, "We should get going, Bella." The Quileute wolves that were in animal form yipped their agreement._

_Bella said to the wolves, "Can you please link with the others and find out if Seth and Leah are fine?"_

_The human-formed one shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. None of us have ever been able to hear the pack mind. We can hear each other only."_

"_Let me make sure my friends are ok." She pulled out her cell phone and texted both Leah and Seth._

_One of the wolves whined. Suddenly, Decimus tilted his head like he heard something. Sergei and his sons shushed the other guards as the wolves surrounded them and took defensive positions. Decimus caught an arrow in his left hand before it could strike Bella's pale forehead. It had been aimed dead center. A female guard pulled Bella to the ground and covered her body. Simultaneously, three Fake Canadian guards fired arrows into the night and I heard gurgling and screaming from two beings that I could not see. _

_Bella started wheezing and took her inhaler as she rose to her feet. How she maintained her composure was beyond me. Decimus studied the arrow. Attached to the wood of the arrow by a red piece of yarn was a simple message inscribed in Spanish and addressed to Bella on a piece of construction paper. "We left you a delicious treat at the school." _

_Decimus showed it to her. He said to two of the guards, "Make sure they are dead and burn them." They ran off to dispose of the bodies along with a few of the Quileute wolves._

_Bella translated the message to the other wolves. "By all means, we should check the school." Bella sounded so much like Marcus just then._

The images ceased. I listened to my bride.

"Sergei was with me. He told me as we approached the building that I did not want to go in there."

"What did you find?"

"Do you remember those children we met on that day in the Park? Jethro and Molly?"

I gulped, she left unsaid, 'that day you meant to kill me.'" A dark skinned little boy and his fair-haired step-sister came to mind.

"Yes. The brother and sister."

"I found them on the floor of a classroom covered in blood and screaming." The words dropped and boiled like acid. "It was the room for the kindergartners. They were dying surrounded by pictures of trees the children had made with finger paint."

"Dear God."

"The wolves were young. They thought we could heal the children. The leader begged us for aid."

"What happened next?"

"I heard something blow up outside and the young wolves ran off and left us in the school. I thought every vampire knew what an immortal child was. My guards did not. The remaining wolf did not either. I guess the Lost Covens were sheltered from that fight."

"The problem with their existence occurred after they had broken away. Vivinna told me that many of the Lost Covens simply lived as if neither the mortal world nor the Volturi existed."

"That explains things." Bella quietly continued, "There were eight other children transforming, too. They had been laid out side by side on the floor in a perfect row. My guards wanted to bring them back to the coven."

She grimaced.

"So I told them what immortal children were. They did not believe me."

"What did you do to convince them?"

"Sergei filled in the history part. At first, my guards were defiant, and the lead wolf adamant. But time was passing, and the fighting approached us. Seth texted me to get out of there and that he and Leah were fine. We had to make a decision."

"Did you get Seth to tell John about the children?"

"No, the cell phone coverage died." Her voice took on a dream-like quality. "For half a second, I saw myself with two vampire children, reading them stories at night, and tucking them into bed. And they were so happy." She wiped away a tear. "But then I remembered the story you told me about Los Angeles – How the Volturi guard destroyed that entire school because children were attacked."

"What did you do, Bella?"

"At first, nothing."

"I do not understand."

"Sergei and his sons tried to convince my guards that the immortal children would attack the humans in the coven. But my guards didn't like the solution that he and his sons proposed. I told them that Sergei was right. I ordered them not to interfere. They refused to have anything to do with it, and insisted for my safety that I had to return with them. The head wolf reluctantly agreed with me. So Sergei and his sons were left in the room with him."

We sat in silence for five minutes before she said anything.

"I told the guards that I would remain to see it carried out." She gulped. "Sergei told me I could stay in the doorway. I could not bear to look so I stared out the windows instead and faked it. I heard . . . the screaming stop . . . one by one as they snapped their necks, starting with Molly." her voice shook and cracked. She cleared her throat, "Then they dismembered them. I watched as they took the body parts gathered in children's coats to a furnace hot enough to burn them. You might have slain criminals, but I ordered the death and butchering of blameless children, Edward." She crossed her arms around herself and started rocking.

It required every skill I had as an actor to maintain my composure. I thought of Father, and how compassionate he seemed in the worst of times and tried to evoke that. What frightened me to the core of my being was not that she was crying. It terrified me that she was not. Her face had that empty look from Italy I abhorred.

I scooted closer to her and put a comforting arm around her small shoulders. "What happened then?"

"The guards we had sent to the farm found us and told us in Oscan that the algae was fine. So I agreed to leave."

"What happened when you returned to Arria's?"

Bella said in a small voice, "When I went back to the coven and word spread, everyone stared at me like I disgusted them."

Surely she was over-reacting? Feeling a guilty conscience? I had never picked up thoughts like that from any of the Fake Canadians around her. They positively adored her.

"Mother returned the next day. I was dragged before her to explain myself."

"Someone put his hands on you?" Perhaps I shouted part of that query.

"Yes. Focus, Edward. Decimus handled that part and cut his arm off."

"That's all? He is still dead."

"Talking here. Arria finished that job. So he is dead." She held up her palm.

"My apologies. Please continue. What happened next?" I rubbed small circles in her back.

"I went into their common room. Vampires clustered around her badgering her in Oscan. She waved and they all shut up. Then she said, 'Explain what happened, child.' So I tried. It was so hard to talk. The others kept interrupting me and told her most of it. Well, _their_ side of it."

"What about the wolves – the young ones you encountered? Did she not ask them what happened?"

"They all died that night, Edward."

Jugurtha snapped his fingers and said, "Remember how John complained about having independent young packs that could not link with their original pack? How many of them died before John or the pack could learn what happened to them? I bet you this was one of those cases. That's why we never knew about it."

"Grace could have told us."

"Only if she knew we wanted to know. We never asked her about it. And she could have been away."

"But I never picked any of this up from any of the minds of the Fake Canadians."

"Arria could have ordered them not to think about it around you, or they could have dismissed it." He shrugged. "We are not omniscient, you know."

I asked Bella, "What happened next?"

"Arria stared them into silence. She said, 'Daughter, come here.' I thought for a second there that I was going to be punished. But I walked up to her throne anyway."

"I cannot imagine Arria punishing you in public. I know she's not exactly Mother of the year material, but she values your privacy."

Bella held up her right hand and touched her palm against mine. "She asked me to touch her hand like this and think of that night. It was like the whole ghastly thing happened right before my eyes, like some kind of horror movie that I could not hit the stop button. She pulled up every emotion that I felt, every last thought that I had. It completely freaked me out. Then she got quiet and sat there."

From the flicker of images that I had gleaned, her words did not begin to capture the chaos, pain, confusion, and torment that I saw -or her strength in the face of it. I made a note to ask Grace about it later.

Cautiously, I asked, "Did Arria say anything?"

"No. Her eyes started flashing this strange purple light. She seemed to be having a conversation with someone."

"How long did it take?"

"Half an hour," the idea of a terrified mortal Bella standing there quivering being judged by those pious aristocrats . . .Bella interrupted my mental ranting.

"Mother touched my face and said I made her _proud_," she stressed the last word. "She told the room that I had been right, and then she held my hand up in the air like some kind of winning boxer. Mother told the coven that I was her daughter and had proved it in battle. She proclaimed it in Oscan and English. She smiled at me like. . ."

Bella's voice trailed off and she shook her head as if to clear it of water after coming out of the sea. I can only imagine the misty-eyed expression that Arria had. And gracious! Young to Me Old Power even smiled. I am surprised she did not break out the family's best algae and throw a bonfire and burn an enemy or five hundred to mark the auspicious occasion.

I pulled Bella closer into my arms 'til she was sitting in my lap. "You did not kill those children, Bella. Victoria's soldiers did. You saved countless lives everywhere."

She huddled against me, and answered in a small voice, "If I had not said a word, they'd be alive."

"You cannot possibly know that."

"I can. And I do. So I can't say I'm better than you. I'm every bit as guilty of doing bad things," she said.

Starched Shirt Edward wept and dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. He said, "Our dear little peach. How she has suffered without us."

She had been carrying this around for all this time and had never said a word.

Jugurtha sighed over his reading glasses and held out my planner, "Would you like me to recount all the _other_ things that she carried around and never said a word? Let me count the ways." Point taken. He shook his head. "For someone with her background – reading about battles but not seeing people die, that had to be distressing. Remember the first time we killed a human? At least we knew he was evil. With all the things we have done on this earth, we never killed children. She has a point."

Telling her that I had _almost_ killed children the night I found Sister Claire and the two boys would not help.

Starched Shirt Edward and I nodded. I did not need to be reminded about how upset Bella had been over killing that bastard that had tried to attack her the night in the orchard. Her cries still haunted me.

I ghosted my fingertips across her pale face. "You did not kill those poor children. I will say this until you understand and accept it. The second they were bit by Victoria's forces, their fates were sealed. By Volturi law, any coven found sheltering an immortal child, much less ten of them, was to be put to death."

My dear little distraught one pressed her case, "But Jane and Alec aged." Ah, now the truth came out. The ugly part.

"Bella, at that time _you_ had no idea that such an option even existed. Neither did anyone else. Jane and Alec were not immortal children." I wanted to wipe away her tears, but they were not any to catch. So I stroked her hair instead. "Father has tried to replicate the results without success several times. It could have been a fluke of pure luck."

Starched Shirt Edward huffed, tapped his foot and said, "You are missing the point. Remember the twins in Italy, and how she went catatonic afterwards? This means that it wasn't only the gore that distressed her."

And then the penny dropped. "That's why you leaped into the feeding to rescue the twins that day in Italy."

"I figured if I was going to die, maybe God would understand if I went out trying to protect two children, to make up for the ten that I didn't."

"Bella, you spared those ten children from a horrific existence. Always being hungry and never understanding why it hurt so much. Never being able to control their thirst. Going on rampages and killing innocents."

"Maybe." She sighed. "We'll never know."

"What do you mean?"

"There aren't any immortal children running around are there?"

If she wanted to go all scientific on me in her campaign of self-castigation, I would happily oblige her. "Maria kidnapped and kept Caius' son for centuries. She convinced him that he was her brother. I can guarantee you that he was certifiably insane. I had visions of the things that he did for fun. He turned Victoria and set her loose on her own family for her first meal. He was the reason why all of Aaron and Jasper's family died, because he pitched a fit like an infant over candy. Even though they had promised Aaron - newborn Aaron - that they would let his family live if he turned them, the child wanted them dead. So Maria indulged him."

Bella's face twisted. "Oh. Poor Aaron."

"He has had to live with that." She shuddered.

"Aaron turned his child? She remembered about the toddler from her dream."

"No. He was a newborn, and his blood lust became too much. But he turned everyone else, and the odds of a newborn being able to do that are slim. In the end, it did not matter, because he had to watch them all die."

"I remember that dream of the house burning and his wife. That haunted me almost as much as this did." Clearly, I had not managed to convince her of how awful being an immortal child was. So I waded back into the fray with more ammunition.

"You know that vampires feel emotion more than humans do."

"So I've been told."

"Imagine the love that a parent has for a child - only imagine it magnified. Now imagine that love when the child has been kidnapped and you have been mourning and searching for centuries."

Bella gulped.

"I know you do not remember much about Italy. Caius learned about what Maria had done to his son there. And I heard his thoughts."

"Poor man. His poor wife."

"Even knowing that it was his only living child, Caius himself ordered Marcus to kill him. Does that give you an idea of how terrible a fate it is? This immortal child went around with Maria and started the Southern Wars. Countless people died or were turned because of his endless appetite for chaos and pain."

"Oh."

"I believe you once told Leah that she had to forgive herself. The same applies to us both."

"Edward, I don't know how. I keep seeing those children in my dreams."

"Goodness knows that I am not perfect, but I have recently come to appreciate that even though we might do things that are difficult or bad in this life, we also have the capacity to do things that are good. I need to loan you my copy of Aquinas. He said that it was possible to do bad acts to achieve good ends if the intention was pure. You wanted to save those children."

"I did."

"So you agreed with Sergei's decision to do the only thing that was rational. Forgive yourself for doing the correct and moral thing. That doesn't make it any easier to live with, though."

"_How_ do I forgive myself?"

"I believe talking about it with me is a first step. I definitely think you should talk to Gaia, Marcus, and Father about it. As for the rest? I guess we will learn together. Nothing that you have told me has made me love or respect you any less. Nothing ever could."

"Promise?"

"Always. Feel better?"

"Like this load is no longer pressing on my chest."

"Will you consider something?"

"Sure."

"I'd like you to talk to Dr. Jung, too about this. Not just play chess."

"You knew about that?"

"I did not spy on you. I heard him complaining to Marcus, although he enjoyed the chess."

She sighed against my throat. "Ok."

"I will go with you."

"Deal."

"I love you, Bella."

"Right back 'atcha, Real Husband." Her eyes drooped. I pulled her closer against me and held her as she slept.

Gaia emerged from the shadows holding a brown blanket. Her pregnancy now showed. By her size, she appeared to be carrying several children in her womb. I could hear four strong heartbeats. Gaia spread it over Bella. The FitzFlock batted their eyelashes in adoration of Gaia. Suck ups.

She said at a pitch that Bella could not hear, "Now you know what has been festering inside her all this time."

"You knew?"

She rubbed her stomach, "I did, although she did not realize she had shown it to me. Poor child."

"This is my fault."

"Learn from your mistakes. Don't wallow in them. Can you feel the difference?"

"In what?"

"Your bond. It is almost complete." Oh, that. I held my hand over Bella's heart. It now had a regular beat.

"Gaia, I do feel the strength, yes."

"That drink Ares gave you."

"The revolting one?" He could make a fortune if he marketed it to fraternities the world over as a hazing ritual for new members.

"Yes. That was the blood of a young cousin of mine. He no longer has need of it." Her smile frightened me.

Faintly, I said, "I drank the blood of a god?"

"You did."

I considered telling her, "Rest assured that no self-respecting vampire will be lining up to drain your kind dry." But that would seem impertinent.

Starched Shirt Edward wailed in the background and clutched his throat like he had been poisoned and only just now figured it out.

Jugurtha slapped him and said, "I bought you two cartons of Holy Water from Lourdes so you could bless yourself prior to their official human wedding. Go drink some now." Starched Shirt Edward scampered to the library tearing away his tie.

"Why?" I asked Gaia.

"Because you drank it, you will be stronger."

"Will I stay a vampire?"

"Edward, you ceased being a vampire months ago. You are now something entirely different. Part human, with the ability to use powers given by a god, in the body of a vampire only. With the drink you now have divine blood in you and it will stay forever, making you almost impossible to kill.

"You have been changed down to your very soul by your actions these past months. Instead of thinking of yourself, you have fought for the welfare of others, even those that turned their noses up at you."

"I suppose."

"When you accepted the Quileute powers, you accepted my husband's gift of power to you. I predict great things from you under Ares and my tutelage. I'll even consent to allowing you to continue learning from that prune-faced Hezekiah."

"Why, thank you, madam."

"A question lurks in there somewhere. Ask it."

"She does not want to be immortal."

"That is not true."

"Then why did you make her immune to venom? We planned on turning her in a few weeks to keep her safe."

"She only elected to be a vampire to keep her family alive. She feared she would starve and go mad and it would kill you if she was turned. It has caused her grief."

"What choice did she have? To stay human and die? Or be turned?"

"No. I did not do that to her. Only you had that option offered."

"What?"

"She consented to be my student – an offer that Marcus himself turned down along with his siblings. They thought they had forever, you see."

"Marcus is the direct child of gods Bella is not."

"Bella was created by Ares using the blood of a god."

"If that is true then why is she so frail?"

"Ares only used a drop and it was a weak god. She also had to pass as human so he could not use much. To keep her alive, my husband gave her some of his power when she was older. With proper training, she can make good use of her abilities, although it will take many years."

"Oh."

"We also gave her some blood a few days ago to strengthen her. Unless she wishes it, she will not age; and she need not change to be safe. So you can live with her forever without her having to suffer as a vampire."

"Oh." I wanted to ask, 'where does that leave me?' but it seemed rude somehow.

"And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Making her immune to vampire venom makes it easier for you to bed her without worrying about turning her."

Perhaps I gawped.

"Bella is immortal now of her own free will. I believe things are much better this way. Should she decide to become vampire later, she can."

I stammered. "But she didn't tell me."

"That's because she wanted to surprise you. So act surprised when she does."

"That will not be a challenge." I cleared my throat. This was awkward. But I had to ask. "I don't want to get her pregnant unless she wants that. And I don't think she wants that right now. Has she been taking her birth control medication?"

"You need not worry about that. She will not conceive this week."

I frowned. _This week?_

"You seem to think that we have been lax in watching over Bella."

"I realize you had nothing to do with this since you were in the temple. Growing up, she did break bones and get hurt an awful lot."

"Ares told me that he was watched constantly. Conceiving her in secret took considerable effort. He could not interfere in her life and risk exposing his plan."

Mentally, I snorted. In a mild tone I asked, "So what's Arria's excuse?"

Gaia raised an eyebrow at me. "She was trying to protect her child by hiding her in plain sight. Did you know that Arria for years trained gyrfalcons?"

"No."

"It was her one hobby. She did it because it made her feel closer to Marcus. She turned to it out of grief when her only son died."

"I see." Actually, I did not. I had no idea why Gaia told me this.

"Arria told me that the day that she found her mother, she was fighting to protect Bella."

"Yes. That's when she put the gyrfalcon marks on her."

"Did you ever wonder how she did that?"

"With her power, I suppose."

"Don't get me wrong. She is very strong. But that kind of power to create those marks is beyond her ability."

"I do not understand."

"She prayed to my husband and offered up the only other thing she loved most in the world so that Bella would be safe. She offered up her birds. Ares accepted the gesture and Arria turned them into protective marks on Bella, much like he did with Marcus centuries before. Ares gave you two as well."

I had no idea what to say.

"Marcus strengthened them. But Ares and I worried she was too vulnerable. You know I guard the souls of my lost grandchildren."

"Yes."

"Ares has guarded the souls of our dead children all this time. And they grew bored and wanted to help. They agreed to join the birds."

"When did this happen?"

"While you were sleeping."

"Are you telling me that Bella is now being guarded by her aunts and uncles?"

"As are you. They did that for her. And they will do that for the two of you for eternity." She waved her arm and the birds left my and Bella's body.

They gathered around Gaia and I said to the flock. "Thank you. For all that you do." They bowed at me and took to the air, chasing one another.

"Does Bella know this?"

"No." Gaia gestured at the birds that sang to her. "I don't think you'll be needing them for the new few days - although you will take them if you chose to visit the outside world." Gaia leaned over and kissed Bella's forehead and said, "Be well, child."

With that, she said, "I have a husband to attend to and you have a wife to please. Feed Bella first." Gaia waved an arm and a table with bread, fruit, and cheese appeared. "Then find your quarters over there." She pointed towards a distant arch. "I had your things moved to them."

_Yes ma'am._

Gaia walked away into the dusk. As she passed, the blossoms bowed before her like flowers following the sun. Two hours later, my beloved stretched against me.

"Gaia insists that you eat."

"Ok." Bella nibbled at the cheese and the bread. She became much more interested when I took the fruit in my fingers and offered it to her. Nine grapes, and four pieces of cheese later, she pulled me in for a kiss.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I want to be with my husband. You know those fantasies you said you had?"

"Yes." Now she had my attention.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." She wore a positively wicked grin.

I managed to strangle out the phrase, "I think that could be arranged."

"Edward?" Her face became solemn.

"Yes?"

"Gaia and Ares had me drink something. They said I'm immortal now. You can't hurt me." She smiled. Thank God Gaia had warned me. I would have had a heart attack otherwise at the sultry look on Bella's face.

Then she leaped from the bed and ran. "Last one to the bedroom gets to be on bottom."

She never stood a chance issuing a challenge like that. Using wolfpyre speed, I caught up to her, lifted her up, and ran to our suite.

Bella chortled, "No fair! Cheater!" She punched me lightly in the shoulder a few times for emphasis. Which was adorable.

"How can I cheat if there is not a rule in place?" I huffed. "And remind me to teach you how to punch properly. That kind of tickles."

"Quibbler," She kissed me with endearing enthusiasm.

"If this is the thanks I get, I can easily commit more dastardly deeds than quibbling."

Crossing the thresh hold, I put her down in our quarters and shut the door. We were alone. No guards. No family to worry about. No slobbering dog to come bursting into the room and attempt to urinate on me. I mean Genghis. Not Jacob. But still.

"Wow!" Bella gazed around in wonder.

Gaia had gone to great lengths to please Bella. She had designed a house, with wooden floors and leather furniture - complete with bedrooms, a hearth, and a kitchen. Bella sighed when she looked around the master suite, which dwarfed the one we had in Forks. Fine, there were so many green things and flowers around it looked like a greenhouse had exploded. But Gaia had taste. Even better, she made the plants scentless so Bella would not sneeze. I pulled back the violet comforter back on the king sized bed. And I completely ignored that Gaia had provided us with what appeared to be twenty-eight feather pillows. That woman had a wicked sense of humor. Not that she would ever admit it. I saw two extra headboards peeking out from the walk-in closet. Lovely. How does one play a practical joke on Gaia? And live?

Jugurtha rubbed his hands together in glee and said, "On it!"

After checking to see that the closet held clothing for Bella, I tore hers off. I could have safe supernatural sex with my Bella. At last!

"Impatient?" She ran her fingers down my chest and then touched . . . Oh me. Oh my. Ahem. My bossy human yanked my pants down and I kicked them off.

She said, "Oh, allow me. It's my turn," and gently pushed me towards the bathroom. There was a large square shaped Roman bath that stood about three feet in depth. Bella balked at the sight.

I attempted to reassure her. "We don't have to go in there if you don't want."

Gritting her teeth she said, "I'm tired of being afraid."

Bella held my hand, and with a shaky breath stepped into the water. Three steps that felt skid proof led to the bottom. We stood there, getting used to the temperature, which felt wonderful.

"Ready?"

"Yes." Together we took a second step.

"You're doing so well."

She smiled, and with a determined look, took another step. We had reached the bottom. There was a bench in the middle of the bath.

"Gaia said that this is a hot spring and she keeps the water flowing."

"Rather nice of her. Stagnant water is oh so fourteenth century for bathing."

She snorted and led me to the bench. "I'm bathing you."

"Who am I to argue?"

"The past few days have been awful," she whispered, "You were in so much pain. I couldn't bear to see you suffer."

Starched Shirt Edward said, "Our poor little peach. Let her take care of you as a wife should."

She wiped at her eyes and reached for an empty pitcher.

"I'm sorry," I leaned and hugged her. "I know how that feels. I was miserable when you were sick. I drove my family crazy."

She dunked the pitcher and pulled me down on the bench. The water felt good on my muscles. My dear little bottle cap poured the pitcher over my head with a sweet smile.

"You did that on purpose." I spat water.

"Guilty. I love you. But honey, let me do this."

She crinkled her nose and reached for soap. She started on my back. Her determined hands felt so nice. Time lost all meaning as I shut my eyes and hummed in contentment as she ran her fingers along my neck and shoulders. Her scent surrounded me. A not-quite-man could get used to this.

Jugurtha said, "She's been in the water for five minutes and she's starting to look nervous. Talk to her."

I babbled something about the history of Roman baths and how this one compared as she shaved my face. I should let her do this more often. Especially naked. Because I was raised to be a gentleman, I assisted my wife by cleaning her breasts of shaving cream they had acquired accidentally-on-purpose when I had leaned close while she had been shaving me. She seemed to like that as we rinsed each other.

All thoughts of that shaving business vanished and went even more lurid as I felt her chest against the skin of my back when Bella washed my hair. The cascade of warm water when she rinsed the soap away from my head did nothing to calm the arousal I felt. In the other one.

"Oh my," Bella breathed and stared at my lap, "is that for little old me?"

"Only you." I had told her I only had erections for her. Now she had definitive proof. So there.

"Then I suppose I should appreciate it like a proper wife." She raked her nails down my abdomen and stopped just short of, well. I almost whimpered. Bella walked around, facing me, leaned over and kissed my jaw.

"Yes!" Jugurtha did a fist pump. And high fived Dream Edward and Starched Shirt Edward. Mentally, I joined them.

She straddled me and planted a kiss on my throat that made me moan. Like any good husband, I held her by the waist to ensure she did not fall and could continue moving her hands as they wrapped around me and stroked.

Clearly, I was a complete failure at masturbation because under her touch – it felt so good – mere words could not describe. Then she leaned forward and kissed me while moving her hands faster.

Jugurtha reminded me, "You cannot hurt her. Ares said so. Relax. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure. If you tense up, you will frighten her." So I had to continue allowing my wife to stroke me. For moral purposes. Of course.

And I was taking his sage advice when she leaned over and did this wicked movement with her hands while biting my ear.

Before I could so much as twitch, I, erm, realized that I was on the edge of a venomsplosion.

It confused me because I did not feel the usual warning signs. The earth did not tremble, glass did not shatter. Regardless, I gently deposited my wife on the bench and hied myself out the other side of the tub, fearful of flailing as I found my release. And to my utter astonishment, aside from the profound pleasure, I did not feel like smashing anything as I took cover and curled on my side on the warm tile floor. Bella approached me with a wet towel.

"See? I'm still in one piece. So are you."

With her grace under pressure and tact, my wife humbled me. Bella nudged my shoulder and I laid on my back. She washed the venom from me while staring me in the eyes and gently smiling. Her bravery awed me - that she was willing to take such a risk just to bring me pleasure. How did I deserve such a wondrous woman? One who was making certain parts of me twitch at the sight of her mysterious smile.

I couldn't seem to move as she crawled over my shaking body and kissed me. Again and again. The tile might hurt her knees, so I pulled her against me. I made a superior pillow. She rested her chin on her crossed arms. And what can I say? I am a closet degenerate who enjoys the feel of my naked wife atop me. Sue me.

Heaving breaths I definitely needed I said, "Where did you learn _that_?"

"Irina. Did you like it?"

"Oh, yes." I always thought she was the smartest one of the bunch. Now I had proof. And I definitely needed to set up more time between Irina and Bella. I caressed her cheek. "You are amazing. And brave."

Jugurtha lowered the unconscious Starched Shirt Edward to the floor and said, "I am marking this in your planner to honor the occasion. Your first orgasm without destroying a single thing. Congratulations! You've come a long way. Pun intended." I ignored the rascal.

Bella tapped her fingers against my chest. "I had faith in you, Edward. Ares and Gaia both said we were safe. I knew you would not hurt me."

I reached for her waist and pulled her higher, holding her above me. "I feel the need to reciprocate and bathe you properly."

"I had a shower this morning. Why don't we retire to the bedroom so I can work up an honest sweat and _then_ you can bathe me however you want?" She batted her eyelashes as she uttered those siren words. "Mind giving me a human moment first?"

"What a brilliant woman!" Jugurtha cheered. "Go! Now!"

Starched Shirt Edward was still passed out from the orgasm. Dream Edward leaned against the wall, drooling.

I picked Bella up and carried her to the stack of towels on a glass table. That dangerous furniture had to go. With Bella's luck she could fall on it. Jugurtha made a note in his planner about Bella-proofing the house.

Gaia had these amazing towels. I used them at wolfpire speed while Bella giggled.

I left her for her human moment, went to the bedroom, and looked out the window. Our house nestled against a green mountain that had a waterfall cascading twenty-five feet. Ares had designed a series of square platforms out of wooden beams that made the river resemble a fountain as the clear water flowed from step to step to the bottom of a valley. Just hearing the sound of the cataract relaxed me. The river flowed under a canopy of green leaves that rustled in the breeze. Here, the night sky was clear, and I could count the stars.

"Bella is nervous enough despite her acting," Jugurtha suggested. "Why not construct a sound barrier so she can't hear the water? Then give her the choice of whether or not she wants to hear it. We can always move to another set of quarters if it disturbs her."

I created the power ring, blocking the noise, and pulled the curtains. She padded across the floor and wrapped her arms around my waist. "What are you thinking?"

"There's a waterfall outside. I blocked the noise."

"The sound doesn't bother me. It's just being in a body of water that makes me nervous. I've been sitting around fountains for months on Rosalie's advice. I actually like the noise."

I waved away the barrier. She sighed, her breath warm against my back, "That's lovely." She took me by the hand, my bossy human, and together we walked to the foot of the bed. We turned back the sheets.

Bella snorted and covered her mouth when she saw the number of pillows that Gaia had left on the bed. "I can laugh at it now," she admitted. "And Gaia's hilarious." We tossed half of them to the floor.

"So husband, how about we finish that fantasy?" She pushed me back on the bed, and sat at my side. "Tell me how it went again?"

I scooted so my back rested against the pillows and headboard, stared at her like an idiot, and felt my face catch on fire. The tips of my ears, too. So much for having read all those books about sex. Edward Cullen: Sexual Fantasy Failure Extraordinaire.

She sat on my lap sideways and wrapped her arms around me, and gazed solemnly into my eyes. "You can tell me anything, Edward, you know that."

Somehow, I managed to stammer, "It starts out with you kissing me and ends with you on top." There. I said it. And I was perfectly clear.

"Like the other night?"

"Yes, but we are making love in it." That seemed more tactful than saying, "We were having proper sexual intercourse and I refrained from knocking you out once you orgasmed." I stared down at her lap which definitely was a mistake as I feasted my eyes upon her.

"Fast or slow?"

"Slow. Driving me insane you move so slow."

"Is that your favorite part?" She trailed her fingers along my chest.

"It's not only what you do. What you say, um, gets me every time."

She stroked my face and tilted it down for a quick kiss. "Tell me."

I know it was hard for her to say things like this. She had been hurt so much. But Ares and Hezekiah and even Jenny said I had to try this talking honestly business. "You say you love me . . . for me."

"Aw, that is so sweet. Hot." She kissed my throat. "And very true. I know I don't say it enough. I love you, Edward Cullen, exactly the way you are. I want to show you tonight."

My heart soared. She said she loved me. Again. That warmth around my heart at her words would never get old. I pulled her up for a slow kiss, cradling her face. Her taste was addictive when combined with her scent. Who needed ambrosia? I had Bella, whose flavor made that divine delight pale in comparison. And she could show me whatever she wanted.

"You really should ask her about what she fantasizes about, you know. If you want to ensure you please her." Jugurtha smacked me across the back of the skull.

Priorities of passion. Got it. Reluctantly, with a few short kisses, I sat back so she could breathe. Talk, too.

"What about you?" I asked.

She froze for a moment. I almost smirked because I think I managed to kiss her into silence. We sat listening to the waterfall serenade us.

Bella leaned and whispered in my ear, "I keep dreaming of you laying on top, the feel of your bare skin rubbing against mine. You're very gentle. I think of you taking your time and going so slowly as you move in and out of me that it drives me wild. Again and again." Oh. My. _Yes._ "And the best part?" She continued.

I think I strangled out a, "Yes?"

"It ends with me on top of you."

"You are welcome," Jugurtha sighed. "Damn! She's good. Already adding that to the current agenda," Jugurtha penciled it in.

"I vote 'yes'!" Starched Shirt Edward, red-faced and fanning himself with a book, chirped. "It is our husbandly duty to bring her pleasure. The Bible says so."

"What he said," Dream Edward declared and pointed at Starched Shirt Edward.

Bella started lightly kissing my scarred chest and moved up my neck. My dear little temptress.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Oh my, yes."

The sensation of her flesh as it brushed against mine combined with her scent and her taste as I got in a lick for Jugurtha, felt like heaven. She blushed, and pushed her hair over her shoulders; showing this mixture of passion and self-consciousness that made me want to love her all the more.

I trailed my fingers across her ribcage, and around to her back, initially avoiding the areas I knew she wanted me to touch, moving closer to them in a tantalizing manner. I heard her breath hitch as my hands moved to the undersides of her breasts.

"You're teasing me," she huffed.

"But I plan on delivering. In full measure."

I kissed her back. I wanted to worship her lips for hours. Both sets. They felt so good against my skin. And she looked so radiant. Bella held me by the shoulders and sank backwards onto the bed. I rested my weight on my elbows, laying flush against her.

"You feel so good," she whispered.

"Is this how you imagined it?"

"Mm even better," she trailed her nails up the back of my thigh. My stars! If I didn't change position, this would be over before it started.

Rolling us to our sides facing one another, I moved my hands to her leg, traced the outside of her calf, and slowly moved to her thigh. She sighed against my lips and opened her thighs shyly. I hitched her leg over my hip and trailed my fingers higher in slow circles.

"You have the most amazing hands when you do that."

"Really?" So I did the only thing a reasonable husband would do. I followed Sitting Bull's advice and put my fingers to good use, making her cry out my name when she wasn't kissing me. As she came down to earth, I moved over her. I had not bruised her so far. Nothing bad had happened when we were not quite bathing. I had to put my faith in Ares' promise that this would work.

Her confidence began to falter when she peeked at me and said, "I have no idea how _that_ is going to fit in me." My dear little delirious one. Here she was, in bed with a being like me that could snap her like a twig if I got carried away - not to mention chomp on her neck, and she worried about my size? I kissed her nose, and swallowed a mouthful of venom.

"We were made for each other," I promised.

I lifted her, and kissed her breathless. I took my time and moved lower to worship her properly. Especially her breasts. Which I think she liked because she held my face against them a time or eight and moaned my name. Not that I was complaining. At all.

Knowing that I could bring her pleasure brought this sense of fulfilment to me unlike any I had ever experienced. I all but hummed with joy to see her fears retreat. I hid a smile when she pulled me in for a long kiss and said, "Edward, now."

I rolled her onto her back, gently parted her legs, and inhaled deeply. She felt ready for me. _He said it would work_, I reminded myself. "Bella..." I whispered as I slowly, finally, made her my wife in the best possible way. Oh. My. God. Thank you, Ares. I closed my eyes and surrounded my awareness with her as I stilled to give her time to adjust. There are no words that could even come close to describe how good she felt, and how much I wanted her to feel the same. She sighed. I checked to make sure I was not hurting her, and I saw this wondering half-smile on her sweet lips.

"I'm fine, Edward." So I started to move just like she had asked. Slowly. "You're mine," she all but growled. Indeed. I was. Body, heart, and soul.

"Is this right?"

"Slower," she encouraged, exploring my back with her sensitive fingers. Slower it is.

Jugurtha cleared his throat and said, "Remember your strength. Don't hurt her. Definitely lick her. Remember, she wants slower thrusts." Point taken.

Bella writhed underneath me, moaning for me to move faster. I angled her hips so I could go deeper. When I felt her begin to flutter around me, my unpredictable wife surprised me by moaning and gasping, "On your back, please?"

"Yes ma'am."

She bit her lip, "Will you show me how to move?"

I guided her with my hands until she found her rhythm, her hands holding my shoulders for leverage. So I let go and worshipped her with my fingers. For one so small, she knew how to use her weight to drive me insane, undulating her hips just so.

Occasionally, she slowed maddeningly down, offering me not only my fantasy but payback to boot, and leaned down and kissed me wearing a beatific smile before the strangled noises and growls I made encouraged her to quicken her pace. And perhaps it was totally unfair and sneaky of me, but whenever she slowed, I increased the speed of my hands where we joined, determined to bring her to completion before me. Which I did. Twice. As she came down from each orgasm, I gradually increased the speed of our movement again. Now we were both on the verge. I moved as fast as I dared. Bella stared into my eyes and whispered, "I love you," and it was my undoing. She was so much better than Fantasy Bella.

In that final moment before I joined her, succumbing at last, I could not help but think that my Bella had been worth the wait. Knowing that we had complete privacy only made it all the sweeter. Afraid of hurting her, I reached both hands out at my sides and growled as pleasure took over. I kept my body still, while euphoria unlike any I had ever known reigned throughout my frame.

Only my woman, would completely ignore that whole growling-like-I-could-tear-out-her-throat business, collapse against me, whisper my name like a prayer, and plant a wet kiss on my neck.

"Mine," she said, "All mine." Which was absolutely true. I was hers, every last part of me. I felt like I had done the most amazing thing in pleasing her. Four times. I wanted to spend eternity re-creating that contented expression she currently wore, as I cradled her in my shaking arms. And I was close to tears of relief that after all this time, I had managed to make love to my wife as a proper husband should.

"We did it," she said. "And it was amazing." She brushed away tears.

Jugurtha said, "Perhaps you should, ahem, remove yourself from her body. It was her first time." He stood in front of a white board, keeping a tally of the number of orgasms I had given her based on the technique attempted with markers. I did as he requested, slowing down when she gasped.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, I'm happy. I love how you feel when you're inside me."

Women. Confusing every last one of them. Especially mine. But I loved her for it. And if she wasn't careful with the way she said things like that and stared at me with burning eyes, I'd be right back inside her again. Then, she started laughing, which bewildered me even more.

"What is it?"

"_Animal."_

"What?" I blinked at her. Did I bruise her? Did she sense an animal around? I sniffed the air and extended my gifts. Which just made her laugh harder as my eyes glowed green.

"My emerald-eyed King, you destroyed two perfectly innocent pillows."

She pointed to the feather pillows that I had mindlessly torn in half just seconds ago. Perhaps my brothers were not idiots, after all, or Gaia. _King? _I kind of liked the sound of that word falling from her pearly teeth.

Leaning up to give me a lingering kiss, my dear little Delilah whispered, "Good thing we have lots more." She gestured around the bed and room to the other pillows, "And look at that, you gave me a real smile. You should do that more often. I love seeing you so happy."

Holding her in my arms and marveling over the moment, I finally allowed myself to relax. Her heart had slowed to a normal rate. I let the peace I felt wash over me, as we listened to the birds sing outside in the night.

Finally, I tried to speak and ended up saying, "I love you," instead of wondering out loud why she wasn't dead or injured. Tactful. That.

Jugurtha gathered up the dazed but grinning Starched Shirt Edward and Dream Edward and said, "You did good, my dear man. You should be proud. We are retreating to the cave to celebrate."

I could learn. Sometimes. Besides, I totally told the truth. I did love her. More than I ever thought possible. Reverently, I caressed her damp back. I loved the feel of her warm skin. Especially now, as her scent surrounded us, magnified by her body heat.

"Now that I've worked up a sweat," Bella said as she rolled away from me and stood up, "why not break in the shower and finish that fantasy of yours?" Any reasonable man in my position would have done exactly as I did ogling her backside as she walked to the closet, hips swaying, and grabbed a shirt. A favorite one of mine. She buttoned it and gave me an impish grin as she walked to the shower.

Smart man that I am, I did not require a second invitation. Eagerly, I followed her. The shirt died a happy death. I asked Jugurtha to order a dozen more in that color. Make that two dozen. No, three. He sighed happily, and suggested. "Let's go for five."

Incapable of speech at that moment I gurgled something that sounded like, "Fine," at him.

"Done," use less pressure with your fingers, and speed up," Jugurtha cautioned from his barcalounger in his cave.

Standing in the shower, I had Bella, her back against me as I worshiped her again with my hands. When her knees began to shake I said, "Reach up and wrap your arms around my neck." I totally enjoyed that view. And I got to add to my tally of orgasms that I gave my delighted wife. We were now at five and counting. No. Six.

As she regained her breath, I returned my attention to my wife and turned her to face me. I used some sponge like contraption called a loofah against her skin as my glowing bride allowed me bathe her, again. And I tried with every brush of my hands to show her how much I cherished her, how lucky I felt to be with her in this tender moment. Which is why she completely caught me off guard when she wrapped her warm hands around, erm, me, and began stroking. My knees weakened and I might possibly have moaned her name as I let my wife have her wicked way with me. And even though I knew that move she had done earlier with her hands when we were in the bath, it had no less impact on me when she did it again, sending me over the edge.

Bella used the sponge to clean me as I gasped. "What was that?"

"You're a stubborn man, Edward Cullen."

"You knew that when you married me."

"I did." She scrubbed my chest, and peered up at me with such a fierce gaze. "And I know that you're thinking of those pillows and freaking out that you're going to fursplode or hurt me when you climax. I'm proving a point." She put the sponge on a shelf, leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me.

"We should argue like this more often."

"You think so?" The imp rubbed her breasts against me.

"Most definitely. I would be delighted to be on the losing end every time." Chivalry said so.

My dear little determined one just had to go and prove her point again. And I let her. She had the most amazing nimble fingers and knew how to leave me a quivering drooling mess.

When finally capable of stringing a coherent sentence together, I said, "Thank you for being so patient with me. This is just so new. I am so used to being afraid of hurting you."

"I know. I'm so going to enjoy proving my point to you every day."

Ye gads! I was the luckiest monster of them all.

Jugurtha called out from his cave the suggestion that she might enjoy more Swedish massage once we returned to the bedroom. I heartily agreed.

Afterwards, we cuddled in bed and she all but purred as I rubbed her back. Although it was winter in Forks, here it was balmy like the end of spring. I could hear cicadas serenading us accompanied by bullfrogs from the nearby river.

"What are you thinking?"

"Gaia told me that we could have children. Do you want them?" Bella casually lobbed that conversational grenade as I worked on a knot under her left shoulder blade.

Starched Shirt Edward said from his prayer bench, "I realize marriage is for the purpose of creating children, but remember her fears."

"Thank you for that counsel." I stunned the twerp, "You are going to hurt Jugurtha's feelings if you do not take advantage of his hospitality. Pray later. He has scotch for you to drink. It will put hair on your chest." He nodded and scampered into the cave.

I felt like a selfish bastard because my heart leaped at the idea of putting a child of mine inside of her. But her needs had to come before mine. My human Mother said so.

I added more lotion to her back and worked at the base of her spine. "I think we should take our time and wait until we feel ready. I have always wanted a family. That was one of the things that I hated the most about being a vampire. But if you don't, I'm happy with us. What about you? Did Gaia say it was safe?"

"She said if I stay here, I'll be fine. I haven't had a bad headache in four days."

"Do you want that?"

Tentatively, she said, "I liked growing up with Seth and Leah. When I saw what they had, I did not like being an only child."

"My Queen, you're dodging the question."

"Aside from Sue and Mrs. Stanley, I did not have the best role models as mothers. I haven't spent time around kids. The twins make me nervous, and I see how much work they are from watching Emmett and Rosalie. Unlike them, you and I actually do need to sleep. If we had children, I don't want them raised by other people. I don't think I'm ready."

"From what I have seen, I doubt that anyone is ever truly prepared to be parents. We'll just have to do our best and ask for help. And you met the twins in horrific circumstances. That is only natural that you feel uneasy around them. We should take our time on this."

"I don't see Arria as maternal, do you?" Bella asked. I immediately thought of the birds.

"She is in her own way. She is fiercely protective of you."

"What do you mean?"

"She has a hobby of raising gyrfalcons." So I told my wife the story that I had heard from Gaia. As I finished, Bella wiped away tears.

"She gave up her birds for me? And my aunts and uncles agreed to do that?"

"They love you, Bella. Why wouldn't they?"

"Why? They don't even _know_ me."

"But they do. You needed them, and they volunteered to keep us safe. They are happy."

"I'm just not used to this."

I wiped away another tear from her cheek.

"Arria was raised by soldiers to be Marcus' heir. They most likely quashed any maternal behaviors she might have shown as being weak. She has come a long way with you. I think the closest to being maternal she can get is making sure you know how to defend yourself or teaching you how to navigate the aristocracy. But when you were ill, she was positively fierce in making sure that you were protected. She learned how to cook for you."

"I know. I feel safe with her. Do you want to stay here?"

"Do you like it?"

"I do. It's so peaceful. I like that it's always warm here. Gaia and Ares don't hover. We could have privacy. No more guards lurking about. No need to worry about a coven popping in uninvited."

"I agree. We need time on our own as a couple."

She sighed, "Then we are staying put. The family can visit. I want Grace, Douglas, Henrietta, and Genghis. And I vote yes to _considering_ children. I don't feel ready to have any now. We can practice by taking care of the babies when Gaia gives birth." That sounded far better than saying, "And you and I can babysit my Great-Uncles."

"Agreed." We kissed to seal the bargain.

"Did she tell you what she's going to name the babies?" Bella asked me.

"No. If I had to guess, probably something in honor of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse."

Bella snorted. "Stop. You're so bad." Really, she had no idea. Okay fine. She _had_ an idea. And she still loved me.

I wondered if I could tolerate life with Genghis around. It seemed only fair that if I could not phase down here, that the same rule be applied to the dog who had been tolerating me of late. He was, I grudgingly admitted, devoted to Bella.

"Before I forget, I had a dream where Liam told me to ask you something."

"Ok."

"He said the key to solving the problem with the algae was in the book that he hated. That only you would know."

She laughed, "Oh, you and he have that in common."

I could not believe I had much in common with that insane putrid poetry writer.

"What is it?"

"_Wuthering Heights_. He detested that book. He and Genevieve used to argue about it all the time. I kept her copy."

That book that had somehow survived through all the destruction that I had caused in Bella's bedroom the day of the unfortunate inadvertent venom leakage incident. Now I knew why. It was clearly possessed by the spirit of Liam O'Shea or his sister. Maybe both. I grabbed my phone and texted Jasper to use it and Bella's family letters and have fun decoding. Bella had left the novel in our bedroom in Forks, lurking on a shelf smirking at me.

Grace showed me that Jasper all but squealed on the other end of the text in joy and shouted, "Marcus! Thucer! Rosalie! Father! We have work!" He sounded like a teenage human girl at the sight of her first prom dress.

Wearing a satisfied grin and my wife draped across me, I put the phone down and turned it off. Most definitely.

With that, Bella nestled closer and fell asleep. She even drooled on my throat. I had the best wife in the world. And in that moment, I felt our mate bond fuse. And I was, at long last, complete. I felt like she was part of me, my being rejoiced at the mere sight of her. The sensation of her breath against me, calmed my nerves. I somehow felt that with her beside me all was well. I feel asleep to the symphony of her heart as I heard her whisper my name.

I crawled out of bed the next morning, loath to disturb her. She seemed to be slumbering peacefully and needed her rest. I intended on tiring her out later on that day. Thoroughly.

Jugurtha was reading the _Wall Street Journal _and cradling a cup of algae. He gave me a quiet thumbs up until he heard my intentions.

Jugurtha and Dream Edward both shook their heads. "She might be sore. Be considerate."

Right. That.

Gaia asked me mentally, _"Your vampire parents would like to see you. Is this acceptable?"_

"_Yes, thank you."_

"_Ares?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Will you give that drink to the rest of my family? They're not safe."_

"_It's already been taken care of, Edward. Your family is truly immortal now."_

"_Thank you."_

Dressing as quickly as I could, I found him and Mother out in the garden about half a mile from the house ten minutes later.

"How do you feel, son?" Mother kissed my cheek.

"Much better, thank you. Ares fixed my gift."

Mother said, "Jasper and Marcus sent a message. They are working on decoding the letters and Marcus has a team of scientists who are already working on the algae problem as we speak. Once they have Liam's notes, they are optimistic that they can recreate his work."

"Excellent." No more Liam. Ever. And we would have an algae supply that worked. Forever.

"We have met with Ares and Gaia." Father cleared his throat. "Edward, if you want to stay with Bella here, you have our blessing. You gave Esme and me the time to be a couple. You and Bella deserve the same chance. If you live elsewhere, you will perpetually be surrounded by guards and sycophants."

"Will you come see us?"

"Of course, as often as you like. You will always be our beloved child. You have blessed us by bringing Bella into our family. I am so proud of you both." He smiled and continued, "Elizabeth and Edward Senior would be so happy for you. To see all that you have accomplished. She told me that you would live to do great things." Father said, "I think we have only seen the beginning of what you and Bella together are capable of doing."

I felt tears on my face. My vampire Parents. I had brought them joy. By killing loads of demons and getting Bella to forgive me and loving her and helping the tribe and. . .

Mother said, "Edward, we will always love you, no matter what. That's what Parents are for." She wiped away my tears. And for the first time in years, I smiled, sincerely smiled, in joy at them.

This time, I reached for them both and hugged them. "I love you both. Thank you for being such wonderful Parents to me."

Mother kissed me on the cheek and said, "You were the son God gave me when I was at my weakest point. You and Carlisle both saved me. How could I not love you? Every day, you make your Father and me proud."

Father said, "How is Bella?

"Well, and sleeping."

"We should take our leave now. I have to get to work. Please give Bella our best."

I waved as they left.

Douglas and Henrietta came out of the nearby forest. Gaia had left acorns in a bowl on a nearby planter. She had thought me insane when I had asked if she could bring me two particular guests but when I had pointed out that Bella liked them, she had relented.

"Welcome, dear friends, make yourselves at home."

Douglas seemed to like it here much better. Henrietta did not like the cold.

"You can stay as long as you like. It would make Bella and me happy."

He blinked up at me and waved a paw.

"Yes, I might be able to send Emmett and Rosalie down to give you a bath and pedicure, too."

He and Henrietta sat on my shoulder for a while taking in the view of the garden. We enjoyed the sights in silence. Henrietta and Douglas decided they would like some acorns, after all, when I showed them the bowl. I took my leave of them.

"I need to check on Bella. I know she will be delighted to see you."

When I found her still asleep in bed, I decided not to wake her. She still looked tired, so I sat in a nearby chair and watched my bride sleep. Using my gift, I consulted Marcus and asked if he would mind paying a visit. Alone. Reluctantly, I asked if he would bring the damn dog. I mean, Genghis with him.

When she woke up, Bella said, "I feel different."

I raised an eyebrow at her as I sat down on the bed.

"Not that way. Perv." She fake punched my shoulder. "I feel at peace, like my heart is overflowing."

"Our mate bond is complete."

She grabbed my shoulders, pulled me down to the bed and curled up against me, "So this is what heaven feels like?"

"Yes."

"I could get used to this, husband." She kissed my nose and caught my hand as it moved lower. "You are so not touching me below the waist today. I'm sore." She blushed.

"Oh. Erm. My. Uh. Sorry? Are you in pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle. I'm sure this will get easier with practice." An impish light came to her eyes, but what she might have said – or done, Lord have mercy, was interrupted.

We both heard Ares' voice saying in our minds, _"Marcus is here to see you at your invitation, Edward."_

I found Marcus sitting with Ares playing a game of cards at a table in the garden. Genghis lolled about basking in the sun.

"How is she?" Marcus asked.

"I think she needs your counsel. And your Mother decided to make her immortal." Marcus did not act surprised.

"Perhaps it is better this way," he said.

Bella emerged from the house wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. Genghis' tail began to thump in happiness at the sight of her. She kissed Ares and Marcus in greeting, and rubbed the mongrel behind the ears.

Marcus said, "Bella, you look rested."

Taking him by the hand, she said, "Grandfather, do you mind if we take a walk? I need to ask you something."

"Of course, my dear."

Marcus gave her a warm smile and held out his large hand to his Granddaughter. Together they walked into the nearby forest. Genghis trailed behind them, ever the guard. I sat reading a book on a bench in front of our quarters and watched them walk away. I heard Bella say, "Edward said I needed to tell you something."

Ares said, "Let them talk and don't listen."

"Do you know why I called him to see her?"

"Yes. Gaia told me. Poor girl to have to see something like that. We'll toughen her up." Ares excused himself and left.

And because I can be a moral man at times, I gave Marcus and my wife privacy to talk and hopefully heal. If anyone knew about living with tough choices, Marcus definitely ranked at the top of the list.

Grace answered me when I asked her about that night._ "Bad."_

"_I know. But I need to see what happened."_

"_Sweet girl cry." _

Grace had not had me around to tell her what to do, so she had been frustrated and angry. But she showed me everything that happened. I saw the young wolves, Bella's guard, and the arrow that nearly split her skull. I owed Decimus. And it broke my heart when Grace showed me the children, and the way Bella reacted when she first saw them. No one should ever have to see a sight like that. Victoria's soldiers had literally covered the children in blood to frighten Bella all the more. No self respecting vampire would waste blood like that . . . never mind. Then I saw Bella arguing with the Fake Canadians - Sergei and his sons, volunteering to end the children's suffering. 'Til the last day I walk this earth, I will never forget the way Bella stood there with stiff shoulders and flinched as each screaming child fell silent, finally at peace. I sent the images to Marcus. I wanted to drag Victoria-Annie, that wretched woman that Jasper had married, out of whatever hellish torment she occupied and kill her properly. Too bad Arria beat me to it. And I could not help but wonder why Arria had not warned me. Or any of the other Fake Canadians.

Jugurtha flipped a page of the paper, "Most likely because she did not consider it to be your business. You were not there. And it was Bella's choice if she wanted you to know."

Bella returned two hours later in a much better state of mind. I was in our living room on the couch.

"How was your talk with Marcus?"

"It helped a lot. He told me about the problems they had with immortal children." She shuddered. "And he also reminded me that leadership has its costs. He and I will be having lessons every day for a while, too."

Knowing Marcus, he was probably going to teach her how to fight with a blade or something horrifying like that to give her a sense of independence, and I was going to sit back and let him and happily swallow my horror. She needed this.

"I am so glad that he comforted you."

She crawled onto the couch beside me, threw her arms around my neck and said, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Not today."

"How remiss of me. I love you, Edward. With all that I am. Now get out the chess game because I'm going to defeat you into oblivion. Grandfather Marcus is bringing Grandmother Vivinna, Mother, and Uncle Metie to play the winner in an hour. The whole Cullen gang will be here in a few hours to see the house. We better hide the bodies."

"Bodies? Did you and Marcus kill anyone while on your walk?"

"I meant the pillows."

I blushed. "Right. That." I incinerated the corpses while she set up the chess set.

The outcome of the game didn't matter. Because no matter what, with Bella in my life as my mate and beloved, we both won.

Two weeks later, dressed in a white lace gown, Bella stood at the end of an aisle in a church in Forks, staring straight ahead with shaking hands, strangling an innocent bouquet of orchids. We had planned a simple ceremony for the human guests followed by a short reception and the cutting of the traditional cake. Then we had to have the _other_ official ceremony at Arria's – which they had kind of sort of neglected to inform the two of us about knowing that we would most likely bolt. But seeing her walking toward me in that gown with a veil, I didn't mind having to do all the vow-making before others. She made it worthwhile.

At Gaia's haven, Bella had finally gained the weight she needed and flourished. She made such a beautiful bride. And I looked forward to assisting her out of that dress. For husbandly purposes, of course. What? I was helpful like that. My wife had needs. Lately, insatiable ones I had been delighted to discover.

Mrs. Stanley sobbed and mashed a wadded tissue at her eyes. Sitting by her, Jessica finally understood that I was forever stamped in her tiny peculiar mind as "the one that got away," and did a remarkable performance of pretending to be happy for Bella while holding Mike Newton's sweaty hand. Mrs. Newton even beamed with approval. Tyler Crowley surreptitiously studied Jane's backside, freezing at the intimidating sight of her promising smile and Alec's equally irked glare. Tyler did not require the use of mind-reading abilities to discover that Alec was a stickler for proper behavior in public. At least when killing was not involved.

Chief Swan looked dapper walking her to me. He kissed his daughter's cheek and said, "You did good, kid," as he handed her to me.

Indeed.

Charlie blinked away tears as he made his way to sit by my Mother.

"Breathe, Cullen," Leah whispered at wolf pitch. "And straighten your tie."

Right. Good suggestion. Seth clapped a large hand between my shoulders to facilitate that process. The breathing part. I straightened my own tie, thank you very much. They acted as bridesmaid and groomsman. I felt like Sue and Harry were in the church with us as Reverend Weber began the service.

Bella handed her bouquet to Angela, and took my hand in her own. Rosalie, Mary Alice, and Jane made up the other bridesmaids. Emmett, Jasper, Seth, and Eric Yorkie were groomsmen.

My brothers did not mind when I asked Carlisle to be my best man. I caught him sharing a glance with Mother. As I took my vows, Emmett gave me a discreet thumbs up. Jasper beamed joy that surrounded the room. Rosalie did the closest thing to tearing up that she could. And Mary Alice looked positively jubilant, clasping her mate's hand. Eric Yorkie grinned at his ailing Grandfather, who had insisted on coming to the service. Jacob sat a few rows back with Sam and the rest of the pack on either side. It entertained me to no end that he sent a prayer to heaven in thanks that he had never been forced to marry Bella, that he was happy to see her so happy, even if it was with an, ahem, jerk, like me.

"_Why thank you, Jacob,"_ I said to his mind.

He blanched and sank lower in the pew. Sam eyed him and Jacob behaved himself for the rest of the ceremony.

Agatha, Bella's embroidery teacher, was delighted to see the gown she had worked so hard making on my bride. She had sewn daisies, white ones, on the skirt in discreet places. For luck.

After we cut the cake, Bella threw her bouquet. Leah ducked nimbly and much to his surprise, it landed in Ben Cheney's hands. He offered it to Angela. There was none of that garter business. My wife's legs were not for show. Except for me in the privacy of our own home. For marital purposes. Of course.

Three hours later, we stood outside of Arria's great room staring at the forest of arches that led to the main doors. From the rumble of the crowd alone, I could tell that there were thousands of haughty, snotty, blue-venomed aristocrats inside waiting to see us renew our immortal vows before all. Bella's hand shook in mine. Gently, I rubbed the inside of her palm. She had traded her wedding dress for a gown made by Gaia. I rather liked that shade of violet on her. And my Great-Grandmother in law had impeccable taste in clothing.

"You look lovely."

Bella said, "Thank you. I propose we escape to Gaia's and barricade ourselves in our quarters. It's not like they can follow us."

I stroked my chin, and stared at the doors. "I do like marrying you, seeing as I've done it about four times now. I could kill the annoying ones in the room."

"Too few would be left as witnesses to spread the word to the annoying masses," she sighed.

"True."

I heard a familiar voice clearing his throat behind me. Ares stood by his considerably shorter wife. "Let's go meet the heathens shall we? I need to remind a few of them who I am." He offered a positively malicious grin as he held out his arm for his pregnant wife to take.

Skeevy chose that moment to step through a portal bringing with him Father, Mother, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Cousin Benedict and his family, Peter, Charlotte, Aaron, Seth, and Leah. I could not wait until Leah's aroma hit the room.

Gaia frowned at me and said to my mind, _"It would make Bella even more nervous to see her guests vomiting." _She waved a hand and Leah became scentless. Which was so unfair. But fine. She was probably right on Bella being upset over the spewing part.

Decimus and Tiberius opened the doors for us.

Decimus said, "Bella, you honor us with your presence this eve. I think you can expect the guests to be on their best behavior." He said that with a glint in his eye - which widened when he saw the pair behind us.

"_Marcus' parents,"_ I said to his mind. He nodded, awestruck.

Gaia said, "Bella, go forward. We will always be beside you."

Before we walked in, I cautioned, "Um, Ares, I don't believe you have formally met the newborns. Prepare to be surprised."

Bella and the rest of the family broke out in gales of laughter.

And so we entered the cavernous room. The crowd roared. My siblings clapped. Marcus and Vivinna and Lucius the prat and Arria actually seemed in a festive mood, considering no one was being slaughtered and roasted over a bonfire. The newborns bowed prettily and were dressed in dark gowns the color of jewels that were surprisingly modest under the watchful eyes of the Denali sisters, who stood by Carmen and Eleazar. Speaking of jewels, I stared down at my beloved with her heart of sunflower eyes and brilliant smile.

"I love you Bella Cullen. Be my wife forever?"

She sighed melodramatically. "Just this once."

Jugurtha said, "Time to start walking, people. We have enemies to terrify before we make our escape. Glare at those irritating Italians from Milan. The weasels fought in the last battle like they had an audience before them snapping their pictures the entire time. It was ridiculous." He harrumphed.

"Long live the Spanish Inquisition!" Starch Shirt Edward thundered. He now wore a button-down white shirt and a pair of black slacks and loafers. "I dislike the way that Argentinian chit is staring at our dear little peach and our backside."

"Go get them!" Dream Edward said. "I know you have enough of me in you to charm them all."

We passed the eternally grumpy Caius and his mate, counterbalanced by the ever-so-cheerful Aro and his mate in the crowd.

"Bravo!" Aro shouted and clapped. Odd. Very odd little man. He hoped I would liven the place up and kill some immortals tonight.

We approached the thrones, King Larce and Mary Sue Catharnai stood to one side, with Marcus and Vivinna at the other. Bella's uncles, Pesna, Metie, Thucer, Tetie, and Skeevy looked proud as we approached them and their mates. If I hadn't been immortal, I would have missed the wink that Arria gave her daughter. From the rapt expression on Bella's face, I could tell they were having a private conversation. Whatever Arria said, made my wife straighten her shoulders and beam with joy.

At King Larce's nod, Marcus proclaimed, "Meet Edward and Bella, the newest mated pair in the Telecles Catharnai clan."

Bella squeezed my hand and whispered, "One line marriage ceremonies are _so_ made of win."

Laughing, arms wrapped around each other, my mate and I faced the cheering room to thunderous applause, led by Arria and Lucius. After it died down, all eyes were on Gaia and Ares.

Marcus said casually, "Permit me to introduce my parents, Gaia and Ares Telecles."

For the entertainment of my family, I sent the shocked reactions out to the Marcus-vine, ones that ranged from outright hysteria, _"Gods, his parents are gods! Are they here to kill us?"_ to mirth _"Wait, I thought his mother was a witch and his father some chieftain. They're gods? No one can beat that pedigree. Is that Alice really mated with that Jasper fellow? We should make an offer." _

Ares wore a completely unnecessary breast-plate and had a wicked looking sword at his waist. One that glowed. Red. Half the crowd could not stop staring at it, and the power that emanated from the couple swept through the chamber.

Bella nodded at Alice and Jasper, who approached holding covered cages. We took them and walked to Arria. "Mother, I wanted to give you a wedding gift."

Based upon her reaction, I do not think anyone had ever given Arria a gift, save for a sword or nine. She uncovered the cages. Inside were two pairs of young gyrfalcons.

"I know that you love these. And I wanted you to have them. Thank you for being my Mother."

Arria handed the cages to Lucius and embraced her daughter. "Thank you for giving me the chance."

Bella and I walked over to a table that had been set up for the family and proceeded to watch the entertainment. I could quite possibly get used to this. But only with my dear little four times wedded one at my side. The words of a childhood prayer that my Parents had taught me came to mind as I swear I saw Sister Claire's face staring at me from the stone wall, "As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen."

* * *

**There will be an epilogue and then, folks we are done. I do have some outtakes that I'll post, either here or in another file on ff, so don't take this off alert just yet, and please add me to Author Alert. Thanks so much for reading my story and accompanying me on this two-plus year trip.**

**Books**

**Douglas is blinking and asking for a review. It'll make him go nuts.**

**Snarky Summary: The Last One**

**Diary of Edward Cullen**

**Year 104: Dear Diary, Woe is me. Life sucks and then you don't die. I'm still a virgin.**

**Year 105: Dear Diary, Woe is me. Tanya is flirting with me again, and trying to show me her bare chest while zapping me with her powers - which don't work on me. I get a sick sense of satisfaction pretending to be oblivious. Thankfully, I'm still a virgin. Can you catch STD's from polite conversation? Must do research.**

**Year 106: Dear Diary, Woe is me. High school is so tedious surrounded by these hormonal humans, preoccupied with their latest infatuations and skin care products. Still a virgin. Wait. What's that? *sniffs* That tiny little mortal girl over there. Bella something-or-other, the police chief's daughter. I must have her. Drink her. Now. I mean. No. I'll fake loving her! Then drink her! No. I'll marry her, which will get my vampire Mother off my back about not dating! And my brothers will no longer mock my virgin status! Then we'll have sex! Lots of sex! With Bella. She looks like a virgin. How hard can courting a simple innocent human be? I could run circles around her with my acting ability. Now I just have to figure out how to talk. Drat. **

**Year 107: She is far smarter, much to my delight, than I gave her credit for with absolutely no sense of self preservation as she returns my affections, and despite many failures of my own, has agreed to wear my ring. My beloved's family is positively demented. Yet in spite of this flaw, I remain devoted to her. Even if the women of that line can't keep their hands off of me. Luckily, I managed to save myself and give my virginity to my bride. And it was totally worth it. Marrying her. And the no longer being a virgin part. She's calling me now to return to bed. I regret that I must stop making entries, dear diary. I have a life ahead of me to lead. With Bella. My mate. Who owns me body and soul forevermore.**

* * *

References:

For more on the history of the Star Chamber: http:/historymedren (dot) about (dot) com/od/lawlegalhistory/p/star_chamber (dot) htm

For more on the Sahara:

http:/www (dot) pbs (dot) org/wnet/africa/explore/sahara/sahara_overview_lo (dot) html

For more on Shangri-La:

http:/www (dot) bbc (dot) co (dot) uk/history/ancient/cultures/shangri_la_01 (dot) shtml

For more on Hades:

http:/www (dot) theoi (dot) com/Khthonios/Haides (dot) html

And if you like the story of him, you might be interested in this YA book that came out last month,

The Goddess Test, by Aimee Carter. I've read it and enjoyed it. http:/www (dot) aimeecarter (dot) com/


	74. Epilogue

**Cullenary Coupling - Epilogue**

**Thanks to vjgm for validating me! **

**Many thanks to LJ Summers for the beta assistance above and beyond the call of duty, and to Fantasy Mother, prettyflour and pomme_de_terre for the pre-reading.**

**This epilogue is dedicated to Mutt N. Feathers for her grace under pressure, and to Itanaru18 ****who paid me the highest compliment ever. She told me that reading my story made her laugh until she puked. **

**Links are posted on my profile.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward, Jugurtha, the O'Sheas, Sister Claire, Hezekiah, Jenny, Horatio, Paula, Grace, Jericho, Skeevy, Violet Gorgon, Eve, Jethro, Molly, Phoenix, FitzCarrion, FitzCorpse, FitzCadaver, FitzSinister, FitzLuck, Young To Me Old Power, Merrisol du Pre, The Telecles Clan, the Fake Canadians, Stinky Du Loc, Lucius, and Aaron are mine. So there.

* * *

Muscles aching, head pounding, I stumbled towards our quarters six months after our most recent wedding. Between the three of them, Gaia, Ares, and Hezekiah's training sessions were going to be the un-death of me. My knees trembled as I made my way through the immaculate gardens towards home. If it were not for the relief I hoped I would feel from the bath, I would have collapsed on the warm tile walkway.

I found my wife sitting on our porch wearing some sort of lilac filmy gown that made my eyes glaze over. I should let Gaia dress her every day. My word.

She toyed with a lock of her hair. "My dear husband. You look. Hot. Sweaty. Delicious." Then the minx had to go and lick her pink lips as she rose to her feet. I all but drooled. Ok, fine. I totally drooled. Sue me.

Those knees stopped that wobbling business. It never ceased to amaze me how the mere sight of her always made me feel so much better. Pain? What pain? I leaned against a pillar, and decided that headaches from overuse of my gifts were for ninnies. What I loved about being here was that we really did have complete privacy. "Your Great-Grandmother needs to give birth soon, so I can get some rest. The woman gives new meaning to brutal."

"Mm, she is fierce. But you are doing so well in your lessons she says." My dear little desirable one led me by the hand through our quarters to the back porch that looked out over a waterfall. I watched her swaying hips in appreciation. I loved how that dress seemed to float around her and caress her skin at the same time, I could almost see the curve of her. . . Never mind.

Bella began unbuttoning my shirt. Slowly. I had no complaints about this arrangement at all. Jugurtha and Dream Edward gave it a thumbs up. Exhausted from the training, Starched Shirt Edward snored on a sofa in the library, and drooled on his tie.

Bella's eyes stayed on my chest, and when I noticed her ears turning pink, I realized perhaps something was on her mind. I'm observant that way. Sensitive. What? Shut up.

"Bathe with me?" I asked her in what I hoped sounded like an inviting voice.

She murmured, "What a brilliant idea. I propose we use the waterfall."

The water was cooler than she was used to. The speed of the cataract cascading down on her body could bring up bad memories. And we had to wade through deep water to reach it.

"Are you sure?" We had been working on her fear of water in stages. This, however, was a big step.

She entwined her fingers with mine, leaned up, and kissed me. "I am if you'll go with me." Then her nimble fingers went to work on my trousers. I slipped the thin straps of her gown from her shoulders and watched in awe as it slid down her body and pooled at her feet.

"Remind me to buy you more of that lingerie." I tore it from her body and lifted my laughing bride into my arms. I had, if memory served, more orgasms that I owed her. "Put your arms around me and hold tight. The water might be cool at first."

"I can do this Edward. I have to." She had that determined demeanor about her.

Jugurtha peered over his reading glasses, "You should encourage her. Give her a sense of control." Right. That.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Just be here by me."

"Can I keep my hands on your waist?"

"Since I am clumsy," how I loathed that word, "in the water, yes. Probably a good idea."

She inhaled deeply and took a step hissing as her skin came in contact with the water. It reached her calves. We stood there as I listened to her heart racing. Leaning forward, I whispered in her ear. "I have you, Bella. You are safe. Close your eyes and listen to the sound of the water."

She took another deep breath and moved forward a foot. The water now reached over her knees and we were about ready to hit the deeper part.

"We've come a long way since that bath." She reminded me of that heartbreaking time when I had found her cowering in front of the tub afraid to use it. "I'm tired of being afraid, Edward."

This same sentiment sparked my wife, when being terrorized by Maria all those months ago, to actually go out and look for her rather than sit and wait for another attack.

"I know, Bella. But Rome was not built in a day. Take your time."

"It's not like I can die, right?" She joked. Which I failed to find humor in that observation. But to make her feel better, I morphed my features into a benign façade.

"The water here is going to suddenly get deep," I warned.

She yelped as it covered her to her neck. I remained behind her, rubbing her arms, stroking her hair, doing anything I could to comfort her.

Bella said, "I asked Gaia how she coped with losing almost all of her children save Grandfather Marcus."

"What did she say?"

"That a parent never recovered from losing a child - but that you could gain peace by focusing on the good memories as well as make new ones to honor the fallen."

"Is that what you are doing?"

"I don't want to associate being in water with fear. So yes." She stepped on a flat rectangular rock underwater that led to the water fall. I felt so proud of her.

We climbed the rocks until we reached the cataract.

"Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I stepped under the foamy white curtain, letting it wash over both of us, keeping track of Bella's scent and heart rate. At first I could smell her fear. Pulling her by the waist, I stepped back so she could breathe. "Are you ok?"

Jugurtha said, "Distract her. Say something witty like a joke."

I didn't know any jests that could be repeated in the presence of a lady. The now awake and ever so helpful Starched Shirt Edward whispered one in my ear. Out of complete desperation I stammered, "Knock, knock."

I saw her lips curve, "Who's there?"

"John."

She leaned forward and kissed my nose. "John who?"

I flicked my fingers showering her with drops of water, "John the Baptist."

She groaned.

Jugurtha said, "And the crowd goes mild. Don't you at least know a good lawyer joke?"

"Considering Paula was an attorney and Bella still feels guilty over her loss, I think that would be tactless."

"Right. My apologies." The predator grumbled and glared balefully at the cherubic Starched Shirt Me.

"Sister Clodovia taught us that in Sunday School." Starched Shirt Edward preened. Marvelous.

"I am ready to try." Bella gestured at the waterfall. "Again." I decided to divert her attention. So I captured her lips when I entered the water a second time. She wrapped her legs around my waist and enthusiastically returned my kiss.

Taking another pace forward revealed a hidden area between two waterfalls. We stood under a canopy of rock and moss that acted like an umbrella with water streaming around us offering complete privacy.

My dear little desirable one breathed against my neck and licked the hollow of my throat. "I love kissing you. I propose we do this more often."

"Amen," Starched Shirt Edward fervently said, face aflame before running off to Jugurtha's cave to peruse his magazine collection. For moral purposes I am sure.

I almost sank to my knees when Bella started nibbling on my neck.

Alas, I would know nothing about the non-skid strips that had been added to the ground. For safety purposes. Of course. And the flat black rock face of the hill looked appealing - almost like a shower wall.

As if reading my mind, my dear little insatiable one ruthlessly ground her pelvis against mine and whispered, "Yes. Most definitely. Now." Duteous husband that I am, I could deny her nothing.

Later, after a warm bath in our quarters and a massage at my wife's strong hands - of my back,- deviant - Ok, fine, of _more_ than my back. But a gentlemen never tells. Not that I _am _one. But still. - I awoke from a nap and watched her slumber with that adorable snore. I was so grateful that Ares had permitted me to be able to keep that ability – sleeping. I looked forward to the dreams, lessons with Hezekiah, and occasional visits from my human Parents.

Bella rolled, snuggled against me, and mumbled, "Real Husband, Go back to sleep. You need the rest. I intend on wearing you out when you wake up again."

Who could argue against pristine logic like that? So I did.

Paula must have missed the directions to the Elysian fields. Her skin had changed to a pasty yellow with black bubbling blotches. Dagger-like teeth embedded in her hip, greasy brown tentacles around her waist, a new demon greedily sucked away at her power. Panting, Paula grimaced in pain as she waved me closer.

Out of an abundance of caution, I kindled malachite wolf fire in one hand in case those tentacles came near me and said, "I can hear you just fine from here, Paula." My wife would not be amused if I woke up possessed by an evil entity. She had limits to her munificence.

I gestured at Paula's abdomen, fumbling for something appropriate to say. "That appears uncomfortable."

She offered a parody of a smile at my inept greeting. "Very. Listen closely, I don't have much time. Seth. His power. You must help him." Paula groaned and doubled over gasping.

"What about his power?"

Breathing through the pain, head hanging, much like a woman in labor, she wheezed,"It's pure, different, and like demon bait. Save my son. Don't let him become like me."

"Can I help you?" I made an experimental blast at the demon. It shrieked as some of its flesh melted in a fetid mess and vanished, so I readied another, and prepared to fling it.

Emphatically, Paula hissed, "No." She vanished. Well, there you have it. The ball of fire in my hand shrugged its metaphorical shoulders at me as if to say, "What are you going to do? Women!" and winked out. I had to come up with a plan to save Paula from a gluttonous unwelcome fiend, and protect her son, whom I trained as a shaman. Lovely.

"Add that to the Agenda of Doom," I bellowed at Jugurtha.

Wide-eyed, Starched Shirt Edward said, "I shall pray to Saint Jude for that poor woman's soul."

My dream continued.

Mentally, I called out for Hezekiah. He sat in his grove, frowning, with both hands resting on his skinny knees. His suspenders matched his navy tie.

"Did you see that?"

He waved for me to take a seat. "Yes. I did. Ignore her."

"What?"

"I'll grant that she's giving you what she sees as a legitimate warning. She's failing to take into account that Seth is not as impulsive as she is."

"So he's not in danger?"

"I don't think so. We'll make sure that he learns from her example. That's the best we can do."

"So this Ares-is-the-source-behind-the Quileute-Spirits business, how did you take it?"

"Could have knocked me over with a feather."

"How is the committee handling it?"

"Sitting Bull and Quanah Parker, once we explained who Ares was, are tickled pink. Teddy Roosevelt is impressed at Ares' patience and acumen and says that he should be an excellent teacher for you. The Committee would like to congratulate you on your marriage and recent honesty with Bella. We're mighty impressed with you, Son."

"Thank you. I'm going to get Paula out of there."

"I know, Son. Good luck with that." He cleared his throat. "You have someone else who needs to talk to you now. I'll see you later." Hezekiah shook my hand.

Ares stood in Hezekiah's cave - the one that had held his remains for all those years after his murder at the hands of the recently deceased and unlamented Gregory Clearwater. And no, I did _not_ kill our favorite quadruple murderer. That would take away the nightly visits that he had from his victims. I'm nice like that.

Jugurtha chuckled, "Now, thanks to the ceremony you conducted, Gregory Clearwater wanders around, never able to enter the ancestral afterlife. I call that karma."

"I need a favor," I asked Ares.

"Yes?"

"How do you feel about snatching someone from Hades' clutches?"

"Like that would be fun." He gave an evil grin. "Who do you want?" He said that like my request did not really matter, so much as the fun of irritating his sibling.

"Paula. She sacrificed herself for the tribe. Seth blessed her bones. By rights she should not be suffering with a demon imbibing from her soul."

"True. I'll have her out within the hour with her ancestors sans the demon. It will definitely piss off my brother." He clapped a hand against my shoulder. "I like having you around, Edward. Do you think you could make some more drawings for Gaia? She could use portraits of our late children."

"Sure." He closed his eyes and sent me the images of their faces.

"It will make her happy to see them. My thanks." Ares' offered me the shadow of a smile."Go that way." He pointed to the right and waved as he departed, leaving me in the dark. I saw a glimmer of light ahead and walked towards it.

I found my Mother standing by the crumbling ruins of the Temple of Delphi with a sketch pad. We had never taken a trip overseas in our life.

"Mother?"

"Hello, Son." She kissed my cheek. "How are you this fine day?"

"Tired."

"Your Father and I continue to be impressed at your abilities, Edward, as we watch you train. You make us so proud. We love you so much." My chest swelled and my eyes almost filled with tears. My Mother loved me and I didn't have to fake courting, lie, cheat, steal, or kill anyone in order to hear that sentiment.

"I love you, Mother," I exclaimed.

"My darling boy. You say the sweetest things." She patted my cheek.

"What are you doing here?" I waved towards the Temple ruins.

"Well, I wanted to see a bit of history. It makes me sad to think that they had Gaia suffering for so long here."

"But she was not here," I blurted.

"She wasn't? I thought they made her act as the oracle at Delphi?"

"No. I can take you to where they held her. But it is best if we stay outside." I could not have my Mother exposed to the reek of that pit.

"Please do," she waved.

I imagined the scene from Marcus' memory. Mother and I now stood outside of a cave. Narrow amber-colored stone stairs crowned with moss, with pine trees acting as sentries on either side, led to the narrow hole in the wall of the mountain before us. "They call those stairs the dragon's teeth." The face of the rock did appear beastly although I think they got the name wrong. It should have been something like, "the bat cave from hell."

Mother said, "I am worried about Bella."

"Have you had a vision?"

"No, Son. I have watched how nervous she is around those delightful twins of Rosalie and Emmett's. She still suffers." I sighed. Mother was right. Everyone had noticed.

Bella had been seeing Dr. Jung once a week for the past six months with little improvement. She continued to have nightmares.

"I have a suggestion."

"Yes?"

"You should tell Carlisle."

"It is not my secret to tell. I cannot violate her privacy like that."

"I meant you should go with her when she tells Carlisle. She has been holding this to her for too long. She will feel better sharing her burden with others who understand."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"I know you want a family."

"Have you seen me with one?"

"That would be telling." Mother smiled. I snorted. "Yes, I do see you with one," She tapped my wrist, "but only if Bella manages to work through these issues. You do not want to have children with her if she's so nervous around them. They would feel rejected, Edward. I see her getting worse if you do nothing. This is important."

"Yes, Mother. Thank you for your advice."

"Anytime, my dear boy. Now you should perhaps spend some time showing your wife how much you cherish her."

With that I woke up to find my wife asleep atop my chest, nuzzling me. A man could get used to this. She seemed like she was in the middle of an incredible dream. Sniffing the air only added evidence to that hypothesis. My, she was quite aroused. I loved this side effect of the now complete mate bond. We could not get enough of each other.

Jugurtha said, "You are so much better than a dream. Kiss her awake." Right. Fantastic plan. So I did.

"What were you dreaming of, Bella?" She blushed scarlet.

"You," Jugurtha sighed, "have been so busy making love to her, that you have lately neglected to do that talking business. Reassure her."

"You know you can always tell me."

"Remember that book of Irina's that had the different positions for beginners?"

"I do."

"When I saw her last week, she showed me one that had been left out. Um, I'd like to try it."

She seemed hesitant, biting her lip. I swallowed a gulp of venom as desire roared through me. I loved my assertive woman.

"My body is yours."

"Good." She took me by the hand and led me to the living room. Gaia had added a thick area rug in front of the couch. "Lay down on the floor and put your legs up on the sofa."

_Yes, ma'am._

I had barely put my feet up before she pulled my legs so that only my back touched the ground, making a bridge of sorts. "Do you think you can hold this position?" She smirked.

"I shall do my best, dear lady. Have your wicked way with me." I stretched out my arms in surrender.

"Thanks. I think I will."

She grabbed me by – ye gods! – and lowered herself on me an inch at a time. Once fully seated, my wife rested her knees on the floor and put her hands on either side of my head.

"How do you like this?" She asked.

Her breasts - dear Lord - were right in my face.

I did what any reasonable man would do in my place. I began teasing them with my tongue.

Jugurtha said, "That is so hot. You can lick her breasts and pleasure her at the same time with ease. And that angle should increase the likelihood of her reaching orgasm. Go to it!"

As I thrust, I vowed we would have to do this position every day. Twice, if possible. Because it felt so good, and she seemed to be quite happy and vocal with the attention I paid her glorious chest. My dear little daring one started swiveling her hips, and before I knew it we both were moaning each other's names and finding our release. She collapsed happily on top of me.

"That was incredible." She kissed me and nibbled on my lower lip. Which was totally unfair because I could not reciprocate if she wanted to keep her lip.

Jugurtha said, "This is the second time today you two have, ahem, had relations. Be a gentleman before you pounce on her again. You don't want her sore. Take her to the bath."

I carried her into the bathroom and we sank into the welcoming water of the tub.

"You should decide the positions every time. That was amazing."

"Mm." She seemed peaceful. Perhaps now would be a good time to approach that topic that Mother and I had discussed.

I rubbed her shoulders, soaping her back. "Dearest?"

"Yes?"

"I think you should talk to Father and Rosalie about that night." She tensed and I worked on her knots.

"You do?"

"I do."

Bella asked in a small voice, "Can we do it today?" She continued to surprise me. "I think John and Sergei and his sons should be there, too."

I used my gift to reach Father.

"_Do you and Rosalie have time to see Bella today?"_

At the tone of my voice Father quietly suggested, _"Bring her as soon as you can."_

"_Thank you, Father. John, Sergei and his sons will also be joining us. Could you see that the children are occupied?"_

"_I will have Emmett take them to see Charlie."_ Jake, Seth, and Leah lived with Bella's father in the guest cottage to keep an eye on him. He seemed better, but mourning Paula had taken its toll.

I felt Bella kissing my cheek as I ended my conversation with Father.

"He said to come as soon as we can."

"Thank you." We dressed quickly, and I opened a portal and brought us to Father's study. Rosalie was waiting, seated by Sergei and his sons. John studied the pictures on the wall of our family standing with Ephraim Black. I erected a sound barrier. Mary Alice, at my suggestion, decided she and Jasper should take a run. A long one.

Half an hour later, Rosalie was on the verge of sobbing and Father did a magnificent job of hiding how shaken he was after Bella, with the help of Sergei and his sons, recounted her story of the night Victoria's troops attacked the Reservation's elementary school. I added in the information that Grace had to complete the mental images.

John said, "I've seen some terrible things in my time, Bella. I am so sorry that you went through that."

Father turned to Bella. "Did you know I used to live with the Volturi in Italy before I came here to the United States?"

"Yes."

"Do you know why I left them?"

"No."

"I left because Caius was doing cruel and inhumane experiments on immortal children."

"Oh. Wow. Why?"

"In the early days of the Vampire Wars, several covens used to use immortal children as bait to draw out troops. They were highly effective as psychological and physical warfare. Since they were small and fast and never outgrew their newborn strength they proved difficult to capture and kill. Caius saw them as a tool to be exploited. Most covens were so revolted they banned the practice of turning children."

"So Caius used them in battle even though it was forbidden?"

"He did. Quite often. I managed to show him how much the children were suffering. Their metabolisms were so fast, we could not feed them enough blood to satiate their appetite. They had no sense of time and therefore being hungry for five minutes felt like an eternity. Caius did not care. He told me if I was so upset about it then I should come up with a better weapon and to stop being a ninny."

Starched Shirt Edward opined from his prayer bench, "Ironic that his only child ended up being transformed at such a young age is it not?"

Jugurtha said, "I call that cosmic payback."

I asked Father, "Is that why you developed the serum to control age?"

"Yes. I worked on it and could never manage to make it work with any of the children."

"What made you finally leave?" Rosalie interjected before I could ask the same question.

"Caius started turning siblings to see if he could get the children to fight in a unit because of the familial bond. It failed, but he ended up having scores of immortal children at their headquarters that he experimented upon, and I could no longer tolerate it."

"So you left?" Bella canted her head to one side.

"I did. Before I took my leave, I ended the suffering of those poor children. I explained to Marcus and Aro what I had done and why. Then, I went to America."

"How do you live with it?" Bella's eyes began welling with tears. She covered them with her palms.

Father carefully put his arms around her. "I think of the suffering that I prevented. Those children endured unbearable pain, Bella. Caius liked to starve them before he set them loose on his enemies. Sometimes doing the right thing comes at the cost of our peace of mind."

"You understand," Bella said.

"Indeed I do. You are not alone. I think you would feel better if you did something to honor the memory of those children."

"How?"

Rosalie said, "I think if we put our heads together that we can come up with a fitting way to memorialize the children that died that night."

"I've been talking to Dr. Jung, but I still have nightmares," Bella confessed. "Being around children makes me nervous. I'm afraid I'll never be able to have any of my own."

Father said, "You did the right thing."

"Did I?"

"Yes," Rosalie said. "I would have done exactly the same thing."

"Then why do I feel so guilty?"

My sister hugged Bella. "To you they were still human children. As hard as it is for me to say this, I love my children and I cannot imagine life without them. But if someone bit them?" Rosalie shook her head. "I could not bear to see them suffer like that."

Bella wiped at her eyes; I hated to see her cry. "Dr. Jung says I have to work on forgiving myself. But I don't know how. I understand I did the only thing that could be done. But it still hurts."

"I know, honey." Rosalie patted her back. "We'll get through this together."

Bella hugged Rosalie and Father. "Thanks for listening. I feel better."

"So many died in ways that we did not understand. Thank you for telling your story," John said.

Sergei said, "I take full responsibility for my actions." His sons echoed that sentiment with silent nods. They should be named Quiet and Quieter.

Jugurtha smacked me across the back of the head and barked, "Focus!" Right. That.

John shook his head and grimaced. "I know this cannot be easy to bear, but no one would ever blame you for this. Sergei did exactly what I would have ordered had I stood in his place."

I hugged Bella close and kissed the top of her head. "I have an idea."

"What?"

"I think we should plant a tree for each child and wolf that died. It will be a living tribute to them."

John nodded, "An excellent suggestion. The tribe will help."

"You are entirely too good to me."

"I like that idea. My family and I will help plant them." Sergei ruffled Bella's hair. "You take too much on your shoulders, little one."

Three days later, we gathered at the site of the new school to plant trees.

"Do you feel better?" I asked her quietly as I shoveled earth aside to create a pit large enough to hold a Douglas fir sapling.

"I'm glad to know that I am not alone. It's a start." Kneeling, she pushed the tree into the hole. Together, we gathered the earth around the young sapling.

"You started glowing. What are you doing?" Bella asked. I held our hands together against the ground.

I answered her in Quileute, "I am asking the spirits to accept this gift and to remember those that lost their lives."

"That's good."

"But that's not all."

"What else are you doing?"

"Making a memory." I kissed her forehead.

I waited until Bella and I were at home and a week had passed to raise an awkward topic. "Have you thought about Liam or Renée lately?"

"No. Why?"

"I know that what both of them did to you was wrong. I think you should write them both letters."

"What good would that accomplish? My Mother never reads anything mailed to her. Liam's dead."

"It's for you. Not them."

Four days later, Bella closed the laptop and said, "I think they're done. Do you want to read them?"

"Only if you want me to."

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't willing to share." She printed up copies of each letter and handed them to me.

_Renée,_

_One of my earliest memories is hearing you bawling and insisting that I was exaggerating to the doctor when I told you that my head hurt. I can still taste the orange flavor of the Johnson's Baby Aspirin that you promied would make my head all better. It didn't because you lied, because forcing me to live the lie became your goal. For years, I did to make you happy. What did I get out of it? A high tolerance for crippling pain, the ability to deceive and pretend to the world that I was fine, and the instinct to lie to doctors for fear that you would go berserk if I told the truth. All along, I could have had medical treatment to make me better, and medication to control the blinding headaches. _

_Real mothers put their children's needs above their own. Real mothers ensure that their children know their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Real mothers teach their children how to face life without flinching from it or hiding. You never told me I had a disability due to brain damage, because you could not face that my injury was your fault. Instead, you sat back and let me grow up thinking I was some freak of nature, and said nothing when I injured myself throughout the years. I no longer consider you my mother. _

_I'm married now, and I have moved away from Forks. I won't be giving you my contact information. Don't bug Dad because he won't give it to you, either. _

_I hope that one day I can forgive you. I don't wish you ill. I just don't want you in my life. There's nothing left to say._

_Bella_

_Liam,_

_You were my hero. The person that I looked up to the most. I always felt special with you - like you really understood me. I'm beginning to understand that you were most likely in over your head. That makes it easier for me to appreciate why you hid everything from me - although finding out the truth the way that I did seriously sucked. Thank you for teaching me that I could be better. Thank you for not treating me like I was incapable of protecting myself. Thank you for giving me the tools to flourish. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for giving yours to protect mine._

_I love you._

_Bella_

She saved the files and turned off her laptop. I read both letters, fighting to maintain a modicum of composure. When I finished, I folded them neatly into fourths.

"Have you said everything you feel you need to say?"

"Yes."

"Good." I extended my gift and set the pages alight with green fire and tossed them into the hearth.

"Why did you do that?"

"The ancient Chinese used to write letters to their ancestors and burn them so that they could reach them. I suppose I'm doing the same. You can't mail Liam. Somehow I think your words reached him."

"And Renée?"

"Whether or not you have her in your life is entirely up to you. It might take you time, Bella, but I hope that you can forgive Renée for being weak and selfish. I do credit her with one thing. She recognized that something was not quite right with Liam, Genevieve, and Jericho, and she did her best to protect you."

"I know."

"I say this not to be unkind. I say this because," I gulped, "I know what it feels like to have done things that I feared no one would ever forgive me for."

"Go ahead."

"Just as you would want someone to understand and forgive why you ordered the immortal children to be destroyed, I hope that one day, you can apply the same compassion to Renée. I think you would feel better if you confronted her."

"Probably. When did you get so smart?"

"I know all about doing things that I came to regret. And when I deserved it the least, you forgave me. Don't ever think for a second that I do not know how lucky I am. Try to extend the same generosity of spirit not only to Liam and Renée, but also to yourself."

Five years passed. Marcus' team of scientists cracked Liam's formula and managed to improve it by getting rid of the vile taste. Somewhere up there, I'm sure Liam was indignant at being bested scientifically. Now happily mated to Lucius, Arria took charge of overseeing the production and distribution of the algae worldwide to covens, and fiercely guarded Liam's farm. Arria was well suited to the task. Over half of the world's vampires now gained nourishment solely off of the algae. Many covens, however, still refused to give up drinking human blood.

Gaia's sons, Leonides, Scipio, Timoleon, and Demosthenes ran us ragged, much to the amusement of Ares. Their favorite game was chasing after Douglas and his children in the garden. I had thought it only fair - and Gaia had agreed - that Douglas, his mate, and his young be given the power of extra speed in order to avoid being squashed by the exuberant rabble rousers.

Speaking of which, Bella managed to overcome her fear of children by being around them day in and day out. "I fell in love the second I saw them," she explained watching the giant-for-their-age dark-haired hellions rolling around on the ground wrestling one another and taking turns being herded by Genghis.

Bella graduated with a degree in Biology from the University of Washington. When she attended college, she started a fashion in the Lost Covens where the haughty, snotty vampires decided that they, too, should seek higher education in order to prove that they were civilized. Both Jane and Alec accompanied Bella and graduated with degrees in cutthroat management. Jane and Tyler were married, much to the dismay of Lauren Mallory, who attempted to crash the wedding - except for the problem that she couldn't find the ceremony. We held a small version at the Crowley's residence, and a much larger one at Arria's. I, of course, knew nothing about how Lauren Mallory's brand new Mercedes was crushed flat as a pancake. In my defense, Bella totally made me do it - even helped plan it. And the FitzFlock helped.

Alice and Jasper, followed by the rest of the family, joined us living at Gaia's retreat when a few immortal admirers became irritating, causing my emo brother to lose his temper and go on a killing spree that took out three covens. Their proximity made training Seth much easier, as he progressed well with his shaman lessons. Leah asked me to take away the power for her to transform into a wolf when she fell in love with another student she met at Stanford and decided to marry. I happily complied - and paid for their wedding and honeymoon to Fiji. When she returned from school, she began her training to take over as chief of the tribe under John's tutelage. Since we were staying in the Forks area, Gaia used her powers to make us look our purported ages. It felt fantastic not to walk around with the face of a seventeen-year-old.

Just when I thought I could not be surprised - the Gorgon struck. I found her in the garden one day, appearing decidedly human, chugging a cup of that vile blood of the gods. An equally human-appearing Marcus stood by her side, drinking his own glass.

She chirped, "Ah, Youngling. So good to see you."

"What the . . .?" My voice cracked as I stared from one to another.

"I desire more children. Mother Gaia has been kind enough to help with that matter." The Gorgon blushed, let out a giggle, grabbed Marcus' sleeve and said, "Husband, I have need of you." He left without a word. Ew. They were going to spawn. God help us. More little Arrias running around. Marvelous. Wait.

Jugurtha held up a hand, "That means that the pressure for you two to have children is lessened. Gaia is pregnant again, with Marcus and Vivinna having more children - children that will be immortal - it increases the odds that you will be left in peace. Go Marcus! Giddyup!"

I recalled in that moment Ares' complaint that in vampire form, Marcus' powers had been drastically limited. Now, with him back to his original not-quite-human-due-to-being-the-progeny-of-two-divine-entities well, his powers, provided he took lessons from his parents, could possibly have no limit.

Under the orders of King Larce, Marcus then laid down the law - well several new laws - when he wasn't - ahem - laying it down with his wife. From now on, snacking on humans was forbidden. The King insisted that each coven should rely upon blood banks that Marcus offered them for free if they did not want to drink algae. The Atlanta coven decided they were having none of that malarkey and started a mini-rebellion with the slogan, "Eat Free or Die." Marcus decided that charity began at home and he was all in favor of granting wishes to the terminally stupid. Lucius and Metie paid them a friendly visit, along with a chipper Aro. Every last one of the Atlanta coven went into the ash heap of history.

The rule of _tell no one _was still in place. The third rule, a new one, declared that every vampire had two "slips." If he or she was caught drinking from humans on the third, that vampire, his or her maker, and the entire coven's lives would be forfeit. This caused another rebellion and Marcus' troops over the course of the next year manage to basically kill anyone who argued.

Vivinna gave birth to a set of twins, females, she named Deadly, and Deadlier. Kidding. Vesia and Velia. They had Marcus wrapped around their tiny fingers from day one. I had never seen the Gorgon so happy. She almost looked maternal. Almost.

Speaking of frightening women, Gaia gave birth to three boys: Blood, Bloody, and Bloodiest-of-them-all. Kidding. She named them Gaius, Titus, and Lucas. They proved to be every bit as rambunctious and precocious as their older brothers. I had fond memories of the day they destroyed Lucius' dagger collection. He should not have offered them to toddlers to play with in the first place.

Under his Parents' tutelage, Marcus' powers grew to eclipse that of every vampire on the planet - not that he was one any longer. He definitely put the fear of the gods into the snotty aristocrats that wondered if his de-vampification had left him vulnerable. Gradually, he assumed more power from King Larce, who enjoyed a second honeymoon with his radiant Queen.

While taking Marcus off to one such lesson, Gaia told me, "Your brother Jasper could use your assistance."

"With what?"

"He wants to dispose of his dead wife's ashes. I think you should accompany him." He didn't need to ask twice if he wanted me to incinerate what was left of _that_ banshee's remains.

Marcus chided, "I think Jasper and Aaron require healing. This should help. You should go. I suggest not detonating the urn with your gifts."

We traveled by portal to the mass grave that held Jasper's family in Texas. It was spring and ninety-five degrees in the shade.

Aaron and Jasper walked to the grave together. I held a shovel, and dug up a section of the grave. Quietly, the men took turns sprinkling the ashes in the earth. I passed them the shovel and together, they buried Annie Whitlock. Aaron offered a quiet prayer. Alice and Rosalie held Bella's hand.

"Too bad about the flowers. With the drought, they didn't come up this year." Aaron said.

Jasper sighed. "She did love them."

Father recited the Lord's Prayer. I held my tongue on the, "deliver us from evil," part for fear of speaking my mind. At the end of the service, Bella's eyes began glowing white. I took her hand.

"What is it?" I whispered. Blasting the family grave would be rude. Appropriate, yet rude. So I had to ask.

"I asked Gaia for a favor." The land around us, buckled from the drought, began changing. The entire area, as far as the eye could see was now covered in lush green grass and bluebonnets.

I held her close. "That was very brave of you."

"I did it for Jasper - and to honor his poor family after all they suffered."

"I know."

"Edward, I cannot imagine wandering the earth searching for you, feeling the pain of being parted from you for over a century only to find you happily mated to someone else. I can't even begin to fathom how she felt when she realized that Maria had betrayed her."

"I cannot find it in my heart to feel bad for her. Not after what she did to you. I have never been more terrified in my life than I was on that day."

She patted my back. "I don't know that I've forgiven her, either. I just see her as a victim, too."

The ability of my wife to be so understanding never ceased to amaze me.

I walked up to Jasper and handed him an envelope.

"What is this?" I could tell he fought to keep his emotions in check.

"I have been conducting research." Not _that _kind of research. Perverts. "I found where Annie hid your daughter."

"You mean you found her grave?"

"I did. I also found your ancestors through her. That is their names and addresses." Jasper and Aaron shared a quick glance. Both seemed uncertain.

"We have kin? Alive?" Aaron stammered.

"You do. I am sure, and they are mortal."

Mary Alice hugged me, "You are the best brother, Edward."

"Go find them. Be happy." I left off the, "No snacking on the relatives," part, because even I am capable of tact. Sometimes.

Bella and I returned to our house.

"That was a really sweet thing of you to do." She kissed my cheek.

"Jasper and Aaron needed to find some good out of that mess. That was my best attempt to help them. Mary Alice, too."

"Edward?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"I think I'm ready to start on that family we talked about."

I did what any reasonable man would do. I pounced as my wife shrieked with laughter and carried her off to the bedroom.

That night I dreamed of my grandmother. In my hands, I held the wooden chest she had given me all those years ago. I held it out to her. It had so many treasured items from my life - a copy of Sister Claire's blade, the bottle cap, the first engagement ring and the locket, the daisy from that night in the orchard, the program from our wedding, a pebble from Hezekiah's grove, a finger painting made by Gaia's sons, and Bella and Alice's pendants - they had no need of them any longer.

"I think I am done."

"Actually, I think, dear boy, you have only just begun. Take it back and keep working."

"Yes, Grandmother."

"I am so proud of you for fighting so hard all these years. I know life has been hard on you, child. It is good to see you so happy."

"Thank you."

My heart leaped at her next words. "Your wife is now with child." She wore a grave expression on her face. "You have to guard your children, Edward. They will have power beyond that of others and people will covet them."

"Duly noted."

"That's my boy. And Edward?"

"Yes, Grandmother?"

"When you next talk to Genevieve O'Shea Swan would you please give her a message for me?"

"Of course."

"Ten moves ahead of you m'dear. But thanks for the fight. It was ever so entertaining to watch. Welcome to the family."

I woke up in the dark bedroom holding my sleeping mate in my arms, laughing so loudly my drowsy wife thought I had gone mad as I looked at the trunk that held the story of our love, and placed a reverent hand over her flat abdomen. My Grandmother had given me a fleeting image of Bella, round with my child, one that fascinated me as much as the one of Future Us had back in the day. I opened the trunk and found a new addition - a crocheted cap for a child and a tiny pair of socks.

Genghis' mind touched mine, wondering – in dog terms – if I had gone barking mad. I shared with him the image of Bella and explained to him that she carried my young. Genghis thought the dog equivalent of, "About time."

Starched Shirt Edward was joyous, kneeling before the Blessed Mother as he said, "You are communicating with a beast about our dear little peach. Have you lost your sanity? I am going to pray to Saint Joseph on your behalf."

"Why him?"

"Because he is the patron saint of Fathers, and we clearly need all the help we can get. Oh my word!"

I ignored the pipsqueak. I was in too good of a mood. Children. They were simple creatures, really. How hard could raising one be? I didn't mean to brag, but after falling in love with Bella Swan, meeting her demented relations, surviving our first date without having a heart attack, facing hordes of screaming demon-infested Southern Coven warriors, dealing with that she-devil Maria, escaping from the clutches of the newborns and the Denalis with my virtue intact, not to mention escaping the claws of the unlovely Miss Jessica Stanley with her unhealthy stalking issues - really . . . I felt quite prepared for anything life might throw my way. Raising a child should be a walk in the park in comparison.

Inspired, I changed my mind about that ignoring business, and said innocuously to Starched Shirt Edward, "It seemed to work for Saint Francis. Was he mad?" That sent him scurrying off to the library to conduct research in defense of the patron saint of animals.

"Start ordering things for a nursery. We have to beat Mary Alice to the punch," I instructed Jugurtha as he penciled in "Fatherhood" in my planner. "And we must conduct research. Not _that_ kind of research. On Fatherhood."

Bella rolled over and murmured, "What is it? You're laughing?"

"I had a vision."

She pushed her hair out of her face. "Of what?" I showed her the white crocheted cap.

"My Grandmother said that you are pregnant. She sent these for us." The look on my bride's face - It will forever be on my list of favorite memories as I handed her what Bella called 'booties.'

She cradled the gifts in her hands as if the wind might blow them away. "Are you sure?"

"I am." I sniffed. "I can already tell your scent is changing."

I put my head against her abdomen, kissed her reverently, and said, "Hello, little one. Welcome to the world. I am your Father. I have a pocket watch I would like to give you one day." I did not bother to hide the tears of joy that flowed.

"God, Edward, you are so sweet. Just when I think I can't love you more. You go and surprise me." She sniffed and wiped at my tears with her thumbs.

"I love you, Bella, with everything that I am. I am yours."

"How do you feel about Claire Grace if it is a girl?"

I smiled. "I think both women, not to mention our Grace, would be honored." Grace crooned in response, _"Sweet Girl."_

Affectionately, Bella said, "Hey, Grace."

My minion stroked my dear little bottle cap's hair and patted her stomach. _"We help take care." _Happily, Grace left us to our discussion.

"Do you have a preference for names if we have a boy?"

"Mortimer Zebedee Zebulon." I deadpanned.

"Shut up!" She smacked me. "That middle name sounds like that song 'Zip A Dee Do Dah.'"

Playfully, I continued teasing my dear little expecting one, "Hezekiah Shadrach?"

"Our kid will get beat up on the playground with a name like that."

"Why? Shadrach is the name of a Beastie Boys song. That makes it cool, right?" I blinked at her, the very picture of innocence.

"I can already tell, it's going to be a very long nine months."

"Um, Bella?"

"Yes."

"Well, you know since you drank that immortal blood and all?"

"Ick!" She scrubbed at her lips."Don't remind me."

"Well, remember that Gaia and Vivinna were pregnant for eighteen months."

"Edward Cullen, I am so going to kill you." She pounced. And I let her. Which led to more of that kissing business. Later, while she drowsed, I curled my body around hers, stroking her hair until I was sure she had fallen asleep. My fingers splayed on her abdomen, and I whispered a quiet prayer in thanks for the abundant blessings in my life.

Starched Shirt Edward flipped through pages of a tome on expectant mothers. "This books says she needs her rest. No more waking our dear little one with that insane cackling. We cannot have people thinking we have lost our mind. Again." Pious pontificater.

Perhaps I had surrendered my sanity; but somehow I just knew that we would make it through together, as it was always meant to be.

And they lived Snarkily Ever After.

The End. Really. No, Really.

**Please review. Starched Shirt Edward and Douglas would love to hear from you. What would you like to see in a one-shot? If you get a chance, please stop by the thread on Twilighted and say hello. Or drop me a tweet on Twitter at BookishQua. I don't bite. Much.**

* * *

**AN: I started this story over two years ago after Fantasy Mother suggested that I try my hand at writing. My only goal at the time was to see if I had the discipline to compose fiction - as well as to learn how to be a better writer. Composing this story has been a humbling experience. I would not be where I am today without the help of my betas: Fantasy Mother, LJ Summers, and prettyflour. And many thanks to pomme_de_terre for pre-reading and holding my hand throughout this story. I also had Oxymoronic8, GinnyW_31, wtvoc, Farkle, Sleepyvalentina, Mutt N. Feathers, and twilightmomoftwo offer me help to improve my writing, which I greatly appreciate. My banners were made by Mizra and Sleepyvalentina - and both women did amazing work. **

**Without the readers offering feedback, I would not have been able to finish this story, especially these last few months as we have come to the end. Thank you for reading. Thank you for the reviews, the pm's, the posts on the story's thread at Twilighted, the rec's and the tweets in support of this story. Thank you for doing the honor of favoriting the story or putting it on alert. It means the world. **

**I will be taking a break from writing to rest for a while as I've been working on Cullenary Coupling non-stop for two and a half years. But I do have another short (No. Really) satire called The Stench Wars that I will post on this site. And I will post CC out-takes and one-shots here at as well. If you haven't already put me on author alert on this site, please consider doing so. **

**Finally, I know your time is valuable. Thank you so much for giving me the gift of it in reading my story. Because on a story this size? That's a really expensive gift...**

**Jugurtha and I are waving at you,**

**Books**


	75. Outtake One

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.**

**AN: I am working on a parenting CC outtake. I also have a satire of Eclipse called The Stench Wars that you might find entertaining. I carved it out of the first draft of Cullenary Coupling - so you'll see the similarities - although this Edward isn't as repressed as CC Edward is.**

**To refresh your memory:**

"Jasper?" I called out to my brother.

_"Yes, Edward?"_ He and the family waited for Irina and Tanya to finish de-stinkying. Rosalie had with held the shampoo and body wash she had given us, so this would take a while. I could count on my sister to be petty when it mattered. How awesome was that?

"I am going to the mountain house. I think it affords the privacy that Bella and I need."

"An excellent idea. We are already seeing to the arrangements."

"I need you to do something for me. A small favor."

"Of course."

"Tell Jacob that he is no longer a wolf and read him the riot act. I do not want his Grandfather to have to be the one to do it first. John has had enough heartache.

"Can I scare him," Jasper rubbed his hands together. I sent him the feed of Jacob's drugged thoughts. "Ew, gross!" Jasper was revolted by the inelegancy of Jacob's pathetic attempts to plan my murder and Bella's marriage.

"Can I kill him?"

"No. Remember he is mortal now. He cannot heal like before."

"Dangumbit. Fine. I'll settle for scaring some Jesus back into the boy."

**Snarky Summary: This was cut from Cullenary Coupling because even I have self control – and the chapter was getting too long. But I thought you all might like to know Jake's fate. Edward asked Jasper to convey the news to Jake that he was no longer a wolf. And so we begin.**

* * *

**Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?**

Jasper approached Jacob and said, "You and I have business to discuss. Let's take a walk."

"What could I possibly have to say to you?"

"Not much. That's why I'm going to do the talking and you're going to shut up."

Jake crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip. "I'd like to see you make me."

Jasper leaned forward. The height differential between them didn't seem to matter in that moment as he used his gift on Jacob. "Boy, you do not want to play with me."

"Fine. Whatever. This won't take long, will it? I have stuff to do."

"No, shouldn't take long at all, I reckon."

'_Fine,'_ Jake decided in the privacy of his tiny little mind, which I could read – thank you very much. _'I'd just whoop him alone and drag his pieces back to burn. Piece of cake.'_ Gulp.

How did he walk and chew gum at the same time? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Every time I dismissed the man as perpetually condemned to an endless life of stupidity, he ingeniously came up with a new way to capture my attention. Alliances aside, I think I kept him alive out of morbid fascination. It was not like he could hurt me, anyway.

With Grace's aid, I watched as Jasper and Jake walked into the forest. They passed a large fallen tree. Jake decided to phase and Jasper put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Now, none of that nonsense. I said talk and I mean talk."

"We ain't got anything to say to one another."

"Actually, we do. Tribal business."

"Fine. Spit it out so I can leave. I have things to do."

"Killing Edward will not be one of them."

"Who says I want to kill him?" He tried to bluff his way out of his diplomatic snafu.

"You did when you were under the influence of the mushrooms that Tanya fed you."

"I still owe him for that stunt he pulled on me in the forest."

"Jacob, are you aware that Edward is the acting shaman for the tribe?"

"Seth is the shaman. And your kind aren't even part of the tribe, so that can't be true."

"Seth is being trained by Edward to be the next shaman. Until he passes all of his tests, that means my brother protects the spiritual welfare of the tribe."

"He can't. He's a bloodsucker."

"But he can, and he does, because he has all the Quileute generational knowledge stored in his brain thanks to you."

"Huh?"

Jasper switched to Quileute. "That day in the forest when the two of you had that pleasant discussion concerning the treatment of Bella, you fell asleep and the ghost of the last shaman appeared. He asked Edward to help him select the next one. He offered him all the powers of his line in exchange. He used you as the conduit to speak to Edward. Granting him the powers made Edward - technically speaking - one of the tribe. He may not be genetically, but he is every much, if not more so, of a Quileute than you are.

Jake's accent in that language, surprisingly, was quite good, "I do not accept his authority."

"Don't really care what you think as it doesn't matter."

"I'm going to be alpha, so yes it does."

"How do you figure that you are you going to be alpha, Jacob? Sam is acting alpha under John's tutelage."

"I'll fight Sam. Then I'll take Edward on, asshole. The tribe can do just fine without him."

"Sam is stronger, taller, heavier, and a better fighter than you are, Jacob. He would easily beat the living daylights out of you which would mean either Edward, Rosalie, or Carlisle would have to work patching you back together. More importantly, it would cause Chief Swan considerable distress. The poor man has already suffered enough. I cannot have that. There will be no challenging of Sam, nor will you embarrass yourself by trying to murder the shaman."

His face turned a sickly shade of yellow-ish white when Jasper explained, "You heard about Gregory Clearwater, did you not?"

"Yeah, he killed my Great Grandfather."

"He also killed all the wolves that the tribe had at the time, which included their shaman. Edward stripped Gregory Clearwater of his ability to enter the afterlife. Even in the unlikely event that you did challenge and kill Sam and Edward, Seth would have to put that punishment on you. And then I'd kill you, if Marcus didn't get to you first."

"Seth would never do that. So how are you gonna stop me?"

"Let's see you phase, Jacob." Jasper asked that so reasonably. Jake started focusing and shaking and nothing happened.

Jasper sat and watched him for ten highly entertaining minutes. He didn't need to use his gift to help Jake feel confusion and shame.

"Performance issues?"

Jake waved a trembling hand. "Nah, I just need some time. I have a head ache from that shit Tanya gave me."

Jasper glanced at his watch and clicked his tongue. "You've had ten minutes."

"I've never had trouble like this before. I don't understand!" he gritted.

"You will never phase again."

"What the Hell are you talking about?"

"I just told you Edward was the Shaman, Jacob."

"Yeah, so?"

"And I told you that he had to look out for the well-being of the entire tribe, did I not?"

"So _you _say."

"He just did that. You are no longer a wolf. Seth stripped you of the ability on Edward's orders."

"He can't do that!" Jacob wailed. "I'm going to kick his ass!"

"But see he can. And he did. And I would give good money to see you try."

"I _have_ to be a wolf!" That sounded an awful lot like a demand a passenger would make when learning that his flight had been cancelled.

"Well, you were one for a while. You fought better than expected, and you did shine for a moment or there in protecting the tribe. They do not need you any more because you have become a liability they cannot afford."

Sam and John emerged from the trees along with Seth.

Wildly gesticulating, Jacob yowled, "What the Hell is going on? He claims Edward stripped me of being a wolf. Grandpa John, that can't be true!" he begged.

You took drugs Jacob. And you were out of control. We have a new rule in place. If you want to be a wolf, you cannot consume alcohol, nor can you take illegal drugs. If a wolf is caught abusing any drug, he loses the right to be a wolf immediately."

"That's not fair."

John removed his shirt and showed his chest to Jacob that bore the scars from that night in 1940. Scars that his brother had given.

"I'm walking proof why that law needs to be in place."

"But that was an accident by phasing. Lee was not drugged."

"You are right. But you showed the entire tribe how dangerous a wolf can be when impaired. And you're going to stand as the example to them all that they could lose their status."

"But Grandpa-"

"But nothing, son. I sat back and watched Billy because I lacked the proof he murdered your parents. He forced your mother off a cliff, Jacob, right after you were born. And you are still giving your loyalty to a man that planned to have you killed?"

"He what?"

"Once you married Bella, he was going to kill you."

"How? I'm a wolf?"

"How the heck should I know? I just know he planned on knocking Bella up with his sperm that he had stored and killing you. He left notes. We found them at his office."

John took Jacob by an arm and led him off into the woods. Jacob glared murderously at Seth, and John gently cuffed him and said, "Don't look at him. He beat me to the punch. I would have had Edward do it if Seth had not had the good sense to do it in the first place. You and I have some talking to do young man."

"Paula made you a wolf in an act of desperation when she was being attacked. We had an agreement with the Cullens that she broke in order to do it."

"What?"

"We had all agreed, son, that you would not be turned into a wolf. We all knew that Billy had been feeling you malarkey for years. No one wanted to see you put in the position of being a wolf and having to answer to Billy and the tribe."

"But –"

John interrupted him. "You planning on killing Edward has brought shame to the entire tribe. He is a vampire and has suffered more for this tribe than you will ever know. Edward is the reason why we had reinforcements in the last battle. They would not have given us a second glance without his encouragement. He is the only reason you still have a head on your shoulders as he kept you from dying when you tried to save poor Paula."

Jacob seemed to shrink. "I didn't really want to kill him. I was high, Grandpa."

John said, "I know, son. Now, Charlie is waiting and wants to watch a movie with you. We're going to discuss your future." He took him stuttering by the wrist and led him off into the night.

Sam asked, "Why did Edward let him live? He'll just scheme like Billy."

"He saved Bella. We also did it to save you and John and Charlie and even Bella pain. It's not like he's a real threat, you know."

"That's true now. Why did you leave him a wolf as long as you did? I thought for sure you'd strip him the minute you came back."

"Edward had to put his feelings aside. The tribe needed him. Now you clearly don't."

"Thank you," Sam said as we walked back to the reservation.

Jugurtha laughed. "That was epic. What a moron."

Starched Shirt Edward preened, "I cannot believe that dog wanted to lie to our dear little peach about imprinting on her. As if we would believe a word that comes out of his mouth. And taking drugs is a sin." He tapped his foot.

"Agreed. He won't bother Bella or I any more. Problem solved. I can't help but feel sorry for the wretch."

Jugurtha looked at me as if I had taken leave of my senses, "Whatever for?"

"He did fight awfully hard for the tribe. Even if we thought he would make a horrible wolf, he wasn't that bad. Too bad he had to go and do this and lose it all."

Starched Shirt Edward beamed, "Yes, but now he stands as a lesson to the rest of the tribe as to what happens when you have sex with that trollop!"

Jugurtha and I stared at him. Dream Edward looked up from his newspaper and said, "Hey, I'm out of this. Continue as you were."

"Debate all you want. My woman waits for me in bed."

Jugurtha leered, "Give her my very best." He threw an arm around Starched Shirt Edward and said, "Come, I have books I need you to examine in my cave."

Starched Shirt Edward rubbed his hands together. "What are they about? I love books."

"The history of lingerie. For our dear little peach. We can pick the costume we think is most appropriate."

"Heavens!" Starched Shirt Edward blushed. And smiled.

With a smile, I walked to the bedroom to sleep beside my love.

"Edward?" She mumbled as I pulled her into my arms.

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Don't leave this bed again."

"Yes ma'am."

**Please review. Starched Shirt Edward misses you.**


	76. Outtake Two The inspiration for CC

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.**

**I promised quite some time ago to post the inspiration for Cullenary Coupling. So here it is. It is one of the first things I ever wrote, and I should warn you – it's obvious that I was a beginning writer, and looking over this is humbling for me. I posted this on a forum and Fantasy Mother saw it and suggested that I try writing more satire. And that's how this all got started. *waves at Fantasy Mother.* I should also warn you that it was written as a satire of Breaking Dawn and the arguments that SM used to defend it. I sincerely respect those that adored the book. Alas, I was not one of them. **

**Bella and Edward's Expanded Honeymoon Talk**

It is five days after the honeymoon has begun. Bella and Edward are in the bedroom. Edward, wearing a red smoking jacket, black pants, and leather slippers is studiously pondering a crisp hardback copy of Breaking Dawn. Bella, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt fumes lying on the bed, arms crossed akimbo. Claire de Lune is softly playing in the background.

Bella said, "Honey?"

"Mmm?"

"Can we uh . . . please . . . Gah! You know . . . again? It's been FIVE DAYS!

"Love, you're adorable when you blush so. Could you please slow down your speech rate and take a deep breath? I'm not sure what you are asking." Edward toyed absentmindedly with a lock of her hair, scribbling in the book as he found yet another grammatical error.

"Well, Edward ever since the night after our, ahem, 'first time,' you've been reading that book Breaking Dawn endlessly. What's up with that?"

"It's a dark tale of two lovers separated by their dichotomous natures searching for a happy ending while struggling against the hands of fate. Rather mediocre for a romance but the characters have potential. The ontological ramifications, however, are disturbing."

"Yeah, whatever. But we're, like, on our *honeymoon* Edward and you promised me epic sex in exchange for marrying you. I kept my end of the bargain. Explain yourself, please." Bella glared at her mate.

Edward chuckled softly and wagged his index finger at her. "Bella love, I did *not* specifically promise you epic sex. I merely promised we would *try*. And we did. Compromise, remember?"

Bella whined, "But Edward! All I remember of our wedding night were these amazing feelings like I've never experienced before in my entire life. I've never even *dreamed* of feeling that good. Things got hazy there for a while I remember fading in and out; but oh, I still remember I felt fantastic! Then I remember screaming your name and the next thing I know I woke up the next day covered in feathers feeling blissful and not knowing why. If I had known making love to you would be that earth shattering I would have jumped you in biology on the first day."

"Really?" Edward smirked. His eyes darkened and glassed over. He shuddered and brought himself back into control with a smug expression. "Bella, you've been known to get dizzy during our more passionate kisses. It's not MY fault you faint during sex, dearest," he crooned. He held up her upper left arm, tracing the last remains of a fading bruise. "You still have some slight bruising and need time to heal, and I truly apologize for that. Just looking at you the next morning seeing the blood pooling under your skin made me feel like a depraved soulless monster." He shuddered forlornly. Suddenly, his facial expression became serene. "I can't bear to hurt you like that again."

Bella blushed furiously, and glanced down at the ground. "But Edward, I only remember trying it one way. There are, um, other things we could do that would not result in me getting bruised. Besides, practice makes perfect."

Edward shuddered at the words 'other things' then began to look more controlled and firm in his resolve. "We must wait, my sweet. I've made up my mind on the matter. Now I'm reading this book and trying to catalog the number of plot holes, out of character behavior, and grammatical mistakes. It's simply dreadful. I'm going to have to have a serious chat with SM. What was she thinking? She hasn't been listening to me for the past two books. I'm going to have to hide the Cullen crest out of shame."

Bella said, "This book is taking up a considerable amount of time on OUR honeymoon. How bad is this book? Explain yourself, please."

"Oh Bella! It's even *worse* than Wuthering Heights. At least that book followed the basic rules of characterization, grammar, and plot. Poor SM. I'm ever so worried about her career. She's used our family as characters in ways that did not have our permission and in the process she's completely emasculated me. She's turned me into some kind of scenery chewing cad. She characterizes me as a man who tries to pimp YOU out for sex to your dog of an ex-boyfriend in the hopes that you'll abort our impossible to exist child that she Christians after the Loch Ness Monster. Even worse, I'm now an emotional mute. But what she does to *you* is simply dreadful, my love, and I cannot bear it. You have been transformed into an indecisive passive/brainless Stephfordized barbieMeyerpire who sacrifices nothing, gracefully prances around in couture and HEELS, and selflessly forgives me for horrible and abusive behavior. Silly SM. Besides the three way incident, she also seems to think that you and I as parents would have no problem with your Dog of an ex having some sort of pedophiliac relationship with our impossible to exist child. SM has done a smash up job of presenting us as responsible parents. Also, you go from being an honors student to actually needing my tutoring to get through your first semester at Dartmouth."

"We have a baby in this book? Where? How?"

"Apparently, SM has decided that despite the fact that I attended two different Ivy League medical schools on two different occasions and graduated at the top of both classes, that I am an imbecile who does not understand the mechanics of sex and protecting my bride from inadvertent vampire turning AND impossible pregnancies. There's also this highly disturbing scene ripped right from Rosemary's baby where you give birth and I have to munch on your uterus to retrieve the baby. What makes this scene even worse is she has Rosalie who has never tasted human blood freaking out and trying to EAT you while I'm in impeccable control WHILE eating you. (Shudders). Does it not occur to her that I really *might* drain you dry surrounded by all that gore and snack on the impossible baby as dessert? Seriously. I'm torn on what the worst part of the book is in terms of plot and I use that term loosely: my attempting to force you to abort our impossible child or the part where she has Jacob thinking you are dead attempting to murder our impossible-to-exist child while Rosalie is holding her. As if Rosalie would ever let that *dog* get within 10 feet of her. I might not like your ex, but even he would not stoop to murdering an infant. And somehow in the process Jacob magically imprints on our child and not only do I do nothing about the attempted murder, but I tolerate the imprinting as does the rest of my family. Clearly SM has lost her mind. The fans are so outraged I've heard there talking about marketing human bath tissue with the name of this book on it."

Bella stamped her foot. "Holy Crow! Sounds like Barbie Dreamhouse on crack meets Stephen King and mates with bad fanfiction. Now that I think about it, your description sounds like it would be an insult to bad fanfiction everywhere to compare this to bad fanfiction. The heck with SM! Burn the damn book. Speaking of munching on a uterus, it's our honeymoon! I want sex! Lots of Sex! I understand your concerns about bruising. Can we just *try* to take it slow? Please? (Puts palm on the right side of his face) Please?"

Edward said sternly, "Bella, I will be delighted to accommodate your needs once the Rob Effect kicks in."

"What is the Rob Effect?"

Edward lied through his teeth with that serene expression he used when he was up to something, "SM in her infinite wisdom has explained to those that failed to appreciate BD the first time that they only need to wait for a while before the Rob Effect kicks in. I think this can be applied to other aspects of life such as human/vampire sex."

Baffled, Bella said, "I don't understand. You. don't. want. me?"

"Well, I waited for over 90 years before choosing to engage in marital relations. There's a reason why all those pillows got destroyed the other night. And it didn't have much to do with what we were doing as what I *wanted* to do but didn't dare to risk. You wanted us to *try*. We did. I have kept my end of the bargain. Now we can prepare for our eternal future together. (Tsking) Besides, you're not much use to me in *that* way until you're immortal. Too fragile and bendy in all the wrong ways. Don't get me wrong, Bella. I truly want you. I just don't want you like that. Mortal. Tasty. Delicious. For Goodness sakes, we're on a deserted island. You have no idea the amount of control I had to exert the other night to stay focused. What would you do if my lust for your blood became too strong? I could drain you dry like rabid frat boys around the last keg of beer on a Friday night. We tried once; I'm not going there again until it's safe."

"So wait, you're telling me that you won't have sex with me until after my transformation?"

Edward offered her a patronizing smile, and kissed her forehead. He slowly ran his index finger down her jaw and around her pouty lips lingering on the chewed lower one. "Precisely. It's for the best. I simply have your safety and best interests in mind, love. When we're together in *that way* it's all I can do to refrain from turning you into a vampire chew toy. Besides, it's now a matter of principle that I am going to have to devote some time with this atrocious book and get SM to re-edit it to restore our good name. And we all get a happy ending."

Bella wailed, "That's NOT FAIR!"

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He smirked. "Not fair is the boat load of Twilight fans that we had to hire drug cartel mercenaries to chase off with surface to air missiles so we could enjoy our honeymoon in peace. Not fair are the hoards of screaming fangirls that stalked our trip to the airport and hid in the hold of the plane. They were more dangerous than the *newborns*. They even gave the Volturi pause."

"Oh Edward, I *love* it when you scheme, you modern-day Machiavelli. You're just so ...sexy. I want you! Now!"

"Well then, dear, you're going to have to learn the fine art of patience."

"But I've waited for like three of those books for serious epic sex."

Edward offered her a crooked smile. "And it'll be at least three more books before you get any. I have a considerable amount of editing to do, love, even at vampire speed." He gently kissed her on the forehead and hummed her lullaby.

Because he was busy pretending to be absorbed in Breaking Dawn, Edward missed the flash of intuition in his bride's gimlet eyes. And that's when Bella decided to try Plan B

Scene: It is five days after the honeymoon has begun. Edward, wearing a red smoking jacket, black pants, and leather slippers is studiously pondering a crisp hardback copy of Breaking Dawn while reclining on their bed, using a large feather pillow as a desk. Bella, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt has angrily flounced into the bathroom and softly shut the door for a human minute. Edward has just finished explaining to Bella that he will not have marital relations with her until she is changed out of fears for her safety and would prefer to spend the next few days editing Breaking Dawn. Claire de Lune is softly playing in the background.

Having just showered, and done her hair, Bella stands in the spacious bathroom morosely surveying the clothing that Alice packed into her luggage. Her face lights up as she discovers the parcel wrapped in tissue paper and labeled "Plan B". She searches frantically around the cabinets for her cell phone which she had left on and in its charger. She quietly textsAlice's cell phone, "Plan B is in action."

Edward hears the running water, remembers his wife's desire for "human minutes" and decides to wait for his wife's temper to cool knowing she'll soon be in a good mood again. She's so kind to him, his Bella. So forgiving and considerate. He is the luckiest monster of them all. Edward quietly continues to edit the book making tsking noises as he furiously marks the offending pages with his red pen. Even at Vampire speed he knows this is going to take some time. His family is going to have to have a face to face meeting with SM when they return.

Bella emerges from the bathroom twenty minutes later wearing a white sheer lacy vintage lingerie that Victoria's Secret could only dream of making. The light makes it even more transparent, revealing her figure. She is holding a paper gift bag in her left hand.

Bella said, "Oh Edward?" She slowly sauntered into the room looking dismissive.

Edward: (Sees the outfit, does a double take, sits up in bed. Gulps, clears throat, adjusts pillow on lap. Furiously looks down at book and frantically starts scribbling in the margins refusing to look up at his wife) "Yes, love?"

Bella notices Edward gripping the red pen rather tightly, "Rosalie and Alice gave me the most *wonderful* wedding present."

Edward still looking down at the book said, "Yes, I saw it with the other gifts. It was quite sweet of them to get us coordinating outfits for hunting and a GPS locator so I never lose you."

Bella smirked, "Oh *that's* not the gift I'm referring to. Silly Edward."

Edward furrows brow, glances up briefly, then back down again like he's been caught peeking. He's thanking the good Lord above that Vampires can't blush. He's trying hard to look impassive. "I'm not sure what you mean, love."

Bella said, "Well, Alice had a vision and told me that if I got *bored* on our honeymoon, I should just get this bag out of my suitcase that she packed for me. You go ahead and read your book. I have a perfect way to keep myself entertained for hours and hours."

Edward cringes at hearing the word _bored_. "So she packed all your Jane Austen novels? More Wuthering Heights? What will you be reading this afternoon dearest?" He smiled.

Bella laughed, "Oh I have no intention of *reading* anything at all." She reached into bag, tears open package in bag. Removed cardboard wrapping with the words, "Who needs a man?" written on it. The bag started humming and shaking.

Edward pinches bridge of nose between thumb and index finger, "Bella, what is that noise?"

"Oh just a little something Rosalie, Esme, and Alice encouraged me to try to spice up our honeymoon. (Blushes furiously, looks chagrined with her chocolate brown eyes) They told me if you got too *tired* that I could just use this on myself while you rest and I'd be just fine. They also said I could use it if I got bored."

Startled, Edward sat up and stared at his wife. "Too tired? _Bored?_ I beg your pardon?"

"Remember how you asked them to give me a "talk" about our honeymoon and my expectations? They were very sweet in explaining to me about how sometimes you vampire men get, well, tired but are too embarrassed to admit it and as your new bride how I need to be understanding. I know I have human needs but I don't want to be selfish. After all, you are 107 and I'm only 19 and my blood flows in all the right places. It's not your fault if I get bored from time to time. I know this is just part of being married to a vampire. Go back to reading your book, love. I'm sure SM could use all of that helpful feedback with your red pen. I'll be just fine over here on my side. Besides, remember that box that Alice sent to us that took three men to lift, the one right over there in the corner?" She pointed to a four foot tall cardboard box.

Edward whispers in a strangled tone of voice, "Yes?"

Bella chirped, "Alice thought of *everything* Edward. She, Rosalie, and Esme even were sweet enough to send extra batteries. Aren't your sisters wonderful? They thought of all our needs. I love how supportive your family is of each other."

Edward now realizes why his mother and sisters had been mentally reciting lyrics to songs he loathed for the past week. He now imagines just what greeting he is going to get from his brothers and sisters once they return from the honeymoon. He considers relocating to another country for a decade or two. They must be chortling with glee in Forks. Oh the humiliation. Suddenly he notices, like the predator that he is, that Bella has started moving toward him.

Bella climbs slowly onto the bed on all fours and slowly slides three feet away from him before turning on her left side, presenting her bare back to him, carefully arranging the overstuffed feather pillows around her on the king sized bed). She arranges her tresses so that her neck and right shoulder are bare. Silence reigns for all of thirty seconds. Bella reaches for the humming bag with her left hand while slowly running down her right down the silk of her right thigh. She slowly starts edging her hemline higher, looking at the view of the beach through the French doors of their bedroom. Edward gawps raking her form from head to toe with lustful eyes. He crushes the red pen, tossing it aside. Venom drool starts running out of the corner of his mouth. Edward growls, wiping at his chin furiously.

Edward's eyes turn dark, he shakes his head to clear it like a boxer who has just been punched, hurls the book through the open bedroom window onto the beach, tosses the pillow through the French doors, turns off the light, carefully reaches for his smiling wife and utters a low oath. The humming noise stops immediately, followed by a loud crunching sound of plastic shattering. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme's gift dies a noble death. There is much squeeing and moaning in the night. Edward in the darkness shouts: Oh my stars! Sweet Baby Jesus! Bella! Watch the ears! And the hair!

There is the sound of pillows tearing and feathers flying.

Edward said, "Bella? Wake up my sweet. The night is young." He smirked.

FADE TO BLACK

**Please review. :)**


	77. Outtake Two continued Honeymoon Talk

**Greetings! I've been floored at the response these outtakes are getting. As long as you all show interest, I'll keep posting them. Thanks for all your reviews, tweets, and general hilarity. And someone out there must have rec'd me (so, thank you very much) because this story has been getting an insane number of hits. Welcome readers new and old. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.**

**The Honeymoon Talk Continued**

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Setting: Isle Esme. Both Edward and the still human Bella are blissfully snuggling in bed wearing nothing but sheets aside from their gobsmacked expressions. There are no feather pillows left in the entire house. The downy remains of thousands of geese coat the floor, remaining headboard, lampshades and hair of our favorite couple. Edward actually looks happily exhausted by vampire standards and extraordinarily smug as he glances down adoringly at his blushing bride. Bella simpers and can't stop purring, slowly running her fingers across his chiseled chest. There is not a bruise on her.

"So honey, did you ever finish editing Breaking Dawn?"

"I burned the book at the point where I address your dog of an ex-not-quite-boyfriend, 'My brother, my son.' Our family will be calling a meeting with SM to discuss severing all ties with her. Oh, and the Quileutes are on the warpath for being portrayed as pedophiles. I think they plan on suing."

Edward's cell phone sitting on the end table begins chirping with the ringtone of DJ Jazzy Jeff's "Parents Just Don't Understand".

Edward grumbles and glares at the phone. "Oh, for the love of Pete! Why is Jasper calling us on our honeymoon?" He cuddled his wife protectively to his side. Bella beamed and cooed.

Lazily tracing her finger up and down her husband's perfectly sculpted marble abs, Bella smiled brightly and said, "Mm? Oh I'm sorry about that. It's for me. I bet it's a text. Your family knows better than to call."

"Again, I ask why anyone in the family be calling or texting YOU on OUR honeymoon on my phone." He snapped open his phone and read aloud, "Bella Have U SN Little Eddie and the peapods once or twice?" He growled, "Bella? What is the meaning of this?"

Bella avoided eye contact, continued toying with his ice cold sparkly chest, and blushed furiously. "Hmm?"

Edward placed his hand under her chin and gently raised her face so she could look him in the eye. "Who are Little Eddie and the Peapods? Is this a new musical group or did the Black-Eyed Peas break up?" Bella bit her lip and appeared as if she was going to choke. Edward continued, "Why would they care about whether or not we had attended a concert? It's our honeymoon, for goodness sakes."

Bella bit her lower lip. A lot. "Well, promise not to laugh?"

"Upon my honor, you have my word."

Bella looked down and whispered. "I won a bet."

Mischievously, Edward asked, "And *what* bet was that, my love?"

Bella exploded in a panicked voice. "They bet you were so sexually repressed for ALL those years on your own that you would just have sex once with the lights on while wearing your socks and then return to your normal self-loathing ways because you were too uptight to unwind and enjoy yourself more than once a century despite all the hours you spent actually researching the subject. That bothered me."

"They did? How deplorable! Wait a moment. What does this have to do with your bet?"

"Edward, I had to defend your honor. I bet $5,000 that you would wear me out in a week with non-stop sex."

Edward grabbed his iphone and texted back in meyerpire vampire speed, "Godzilla and the Twins are otherwise occupied. It's your ashes if you contact us again. Go back to your Judy Garland records and World of Warcraft sessions and leave us in peace you degenerates. We are extending our honeymoon by another three months." He smirked and threw his phone away. "Fine. You're on. Watch the hair. And the Ears. Bella!"

Bella squeaked, "Oh Edward! You're so shiny! And sparkly! Your eyes! And your breath! Your taste! And your scent! I never knew THAT glowed in the dark! I can't get enough of you. Gah!"

"Oh Bella, I love you so. I can't get enough of you." He groaned, "Now Bella, behave, Remember what we discussed about not biting me there until your change? Egad! Oh fine, that's the way it's going to be? How does this feel, my beloved? Am I doing this to your satisfaction? Are you sure? I can't hear you…"

Bella: Oh Edward! Can't Breathe. (squeals. moans. Faints).

FADE TO BLACK. Yes. I went there. Again. But I'm just following canon.

Scene switches to Forks. Edward and Bella have just arrived from their extended honeymoon. Bella has been spirited away to suffer the mercies of another makeover at the hands of Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett have just returned from a hunting trip and greet Edward in the living room.

Glowering, Edward said, "Jasper Emmett a word please in private if you may?"

Carlisle said, "I hear the women upstairs. I think I'll join them and give you all your privacy. Please excuse me, Edward, so good to see you." Edward nodded and waited for Carlisle to leave.

Jasper asked, "Yes?"

"Dude?" Emmett scratched at his head.

"Was it really necessary to text me *during my honeymoon* over a perverse bet?"

Jasper squinted at his brother, "What perverse bet?"

Emmett shrugged and said, "Yeah, what did I miss? Did you transform Bella during sex while we were gone and did she slaughter the town? She smells the same to me…"

Sighing, Edward said, "You mean to tell me you've made so many bets that you're lost track? You're bet *with* Bella. And stop smelling my wife. Pervert."

Baffled, Jasper said, "Edward. I've never made any kind of perverse bet with Bella."

Emmett: "Me neither. What was it about?"

Edward fumed sulfurously. "I'm not an idiot, you two. I can read your minds, remember? You made a bet of a very private nature concerning our marital relations on our honeymoon. It was highly inappropriate, not to mention disrespectful, to the sanctity of my marriage. Then you make things even worse by calling us during the honeymoon to check the progress of the bet. It's disgraceful. Wait till Esme finds out."

Jasper drawled, "ay to go pulling the Mom card. Again, I have no idea Edward what you are talking about."

Emmett echoed his brother, "What he said. And it seriously violates vampire man-law to try to call someone during the honeymoon. Did your brain freeze from too much sex? So dude, was she like as hot as I imagined? Did she like doggie style like I recommended? Don't tell, but that's Rose's favorite." He looks chagrined when he hears a hiss from upstairs. "Sorry Rosie! Oh man, not a month!"

Edward growled and smacked Emmett upside the head for his impertinence. He read both men's minds. He learns about the bet Bella made with Tanya. If possible, he glowers more at his brothers who are trying not to explode. "Do not discuss my precious Bella in such vulgar terms. Our love is sacred. Pure." Half a second after that utterance he realizes he can never use that phrase again belatedly remembering the bet with Tanya as the whole house bursts into laughter. "And never utter the word "dog" or any variation thereof in the same sentence as my wife's name."

"Oh, dude, my bad. Forgot about the….er…..ah Jasper, a little help?"

Jasper sends a wave of peace towards the now furious Edward.

The wheels in Edward's mind turn feverishly as he realizes his brothers did not make a bet with Bella about the honeymoon. He mentally listens to the rest of the house once the laughter dies down and notices that Alice, Esme, and Rose are all chanting the Star Spangled Banner in Urdu upstairs while talking to Bella. Suddenly, Emmett's cell phone rings with the tune of Rick James' song Superfreak. Bella's name is on the screen. The text reads, "To pay U back for UR gross comments Rose is selling UR jeep to pay for the bet. Naaah Naaah." The penny drops.

"Bella!"

Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Bella all laugh in the background. Money changes hands. Bella collects her winnings, as she turns off the phone.

"Alice, using Jasper's cell phone was genius. Oh My Goodness. I lost track of the number of times I fainted. Edward is the cat's meow. So caring. So gentle. So determined to make me happy in every way imaginable. I can hardly walk. Clearly he spent all those years of celibacy reading up and meticulously studying the Kama Sutra, and the other 400 sex manuals in his collection. I can't wait till he changes me so I can spend the next two decades in bed with him for epic sexin'. I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet! We're going to have to wean him off of headboards and pillows though."

Carlisle said, "Bella, here's my $20,000. I can't believe I lost this bet. I've known Edward for so many years. I never thought I would lose a bet concerning his self control."

Bella chuckled, "That's because Edward occasionally forgets I have a brain and am not afraid to use it. That's the real weapon of mass destruction in the family. Everyone constantly underestimates me." She smiled beatifically. "Dartmouth, here I come."

**Please review. Jugurtha misses you. **


	78. Outtake Three The Prayer of SSE

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.

Thanks for your reviews on the other outtakes. I've had requests for more Starched Shirt Edward. So here he is. I hope you enjoy it.

**AN on characterization: So when I started writing the back story to Cullenary Coupling, I knew that it would be from Edward's point of view. And I wanted to find a way to make it more entertaining to read. So I came up with the idea of Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator. The monologue sections of this story are a parody of Freud's conceptualization of the psyche. The Predator is the id – that part of us that lusts for things. Starched Shirt Edward is the superego – that part of the mind that constantly works to police those desires that it deems unacceptable. Because it acts on morality, I made Starched Shirt Edward talk about religion – which Edward at the beginning of the story had turned his back on, feeling that he had been abandoned by God. In my mind, Starched Shirt Edward represents the young man as he existed right before catastrophe struck his family and changed his life. He's full of hope for the future. And yet he's struggling against the burden of the present, to hold onto hope, to show Main Edward that he can survive this life. In my mind, SSE is also sheltered, in his own way every bit as clueless as Main Edward is. And that made for several moments of hilarity. I hope you enjoy this outtake from the view of Starched Shirt Edward. This is his view of Edward at the beginning of the Heart of Darkness arc. And so we begin. **

* * *

**The Prayer of Starched Shirt Edward**

Fire licked at my body, tossing me about pitilessly, like Satan batting a soul into the eternal pit of Hell. I moaned and felt the hands of an angel – my beloved Mother – wiping my brow. I should be the one caring for her.

"Sleep, my son. I love you. Your Father loves you. God will protect us." She said that not like she believed that it was true, but like she needed to say it out loud to convince herself that it _would_ be true. And that frightened me to the core of my very being. My Mother had taught me everything that I knew about God and faith. My Mother was the rock of our family. She could never be weak. Saint Augustine once said, "Understanding is the reward of faith. Seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand." Perhaps this is what guided her?

That tattered wings of memory drew me for a sojourn in my past. I recalled one night, when I was but a small child, how thunder had shaken the house. It had woken me from a sound sleep when my bed had begun to shake and the windows rattle. I had been so frightened by the crashing and booming that I had wet myself. Mother had heard my cry.

"Hush, son. Let's get you cleaned up. Accidents happen to us all. There's no need to cry over them."

"Mother, I'm scared. It's so loud." I sobbed and buried my face in her stomach. I could feel her hands smoothing down my hair, bringing me the comfort that I craved. I knew all would be well with her around. She helped me wash and put on new clothes. I don't know why, but she had me wearing daytime clothing with a coat, scarf, and gloves –not my nightshirt. And she made me put on two pairs of socks, and the boots that she had saved for this coming winter, that were a bit too big on my feet. Mother had a heavy bag in one hand. I could hear it banging behind her as we moved.

Suddenly, my Mother stopped as if someone was talking to her. She closed her eyes and stilled. The servants had left for the night. Father, so said the cook, was away on business. It was just the two of us in our drafty house.

"Mother, what is it?"

"Come, Edward, we don't have much time."

She threw the bag down the stairwell and dragged me down the servants' staircase into the basement. She managed to get the door shut when I felt the house shake and heard a noise so loud I thought the world had disappeared in brimstone and fire.

"The cellar is made of stone. We will be safe here. I just know it."

I started crying, and she held me against her chest and said, "Hush, son. All will be well. God will provide."

Twelve hours later, she led me out into the cold air, dragging the suitcase with her. Our house, what was left of it, was broken furniture and split boards and crushed brick. Father rushed to us and held us both in his arms, "Thank God, Elizabeth, Edward! I thought I had lost you both."

That was the first and only time I ever saw my Father cry.

Mother said, "I hid us in the basement. I have a bag of our things."

"There was no warning of that tornado. We lost two households on either side of us." Father and Mother both crossed themselves.

"God provided in our time of need, Husband," Mother smiled, "just like he always does. There are some trunks in the cellar that I need." Father waved and a few servants went to fetch them.

He said, "We can stay with the St. James family. I've bought land down the street from them. I meant it to be an anniversary gift for you, but we have another house. We'll move into it tomorrow after the furniture is delivered."

The dream faded and brought me screeching back to the hot ward filled with misery, weeping, and death. "Edward," I heard Mother calling me as I doubled over and lost the contents of my stomach in a cracked basin. I had only partaken of water for the past day as I could keep nothing else in me. I hated being so sick when I knew I should be caring for my own Mother. We both stared at the basin which had blood in it; mixed in with the water I had spit up. I shut my eyes for a moment and prayed for strength.

I knew she had this sickness, too. I sent up a prayer to the Good Lord to keep my family safe. He had always guarded us in our hour of need. We had survived that storm for a reason, so said my Parents. All would be well. I made eye contact with my father who lay in the cot next to us. He nodded at me and fell back asleep. He looked ten years older.

I fell back against the cot that held me and lost track of time. I had the strangest dream. Mother was talking to me. She had a severe demeanor about her.

"Edward, I need you to be strong, Son."

"Always, Mother. I am a man now. Soon, I will go off to war and show you how strong I am." My chest puffed out. She poked me in the stomach and all the air deflated from my lungs. I coughed weakly in my dream.

She wagged a finger at me. "Pay attention, Son. Edward, you will not go to war. I have seen this."

"Oh." My Mother did not often speak of her visions. She did not want people to get the wrong idea. She had once told me she feared the wrong type of people could learn of her gift and try to use it for gain, or worse, harm our family. So I never told a soul. Her safety was too important to me. Father did not know. Mother said he would not understand.

"You must be strong. You must not lose faith."

And then I saw her face morph into a fiery demon and screamed. The demon lunged and clamped onto my neck with razor sharp fangs and drank my life's blood. I screamed and begged Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior to save me. He smiled and threw me straight into the demon's arms. The world around me vanished. I came awake to look in the mirror and see that I had become a demon, too. I could hear some man named Carlisle explain that he was the family doctor, and a vampire, and so was I. It was like I had stepped out of my body. I could see the new Demon Me curled on the floor wearing filthy clothing, trying not to weep over the loss of my family. I told Demon Me that we should pray to the Good Lord to be saved from this demon Carlisle. But he ignored me after explaining that we needed to learn how to survive in this new body and we could not be alone. Demon Me ignored me when I tried to explain that St. Francis would be offended at us stalking poor innocent animals and feeding on their life's blood.

"It would be far more offensive, would you not say, if we drank that of another innocent human being, right?"

I had no answer for that. I prayed that God would deliver me the knowledge I needed to rescue us from the terrifying existence. But I must have been doing something wrong. He did not answer my prayers. It hurt so much to see Demon Me crying when no one was around, miserable. Perhaps I needed to pray more in order to be worthy of the Good Lord's guidance? So I began praying that day, and kept at it for decades.

I prayed mightily throughout the years that Demon Me talked to that other beast and stalked bad men in the streets of Chicago. Demon Me ignored me – pretended as if I had not spoken when I begged him to stop murdering men, even if they were little better than savage animals. That was when I started seeing another that looked just like us. We called him The Predator. He was a crafty soul, even if he was a heathen. Years passed. Demon Me even ignored me when I tried to explain to him that we needed to return back to our vampire parents for guidance. Even they offered an alternative to murder. It took that poor woman Claire for him to listen. When he walked through the door to his vampire parents' home, he stopped listening to me. We watched helplessly as he sank into the waiting arms of guilt, shame, and fear.

Decades passed. The Predator and I despaired of ever being able to get through to Demon Me. He was so stubborn! And ungodly! He mocked my faith. The faith that we had been raised believing. He claimed that God had abandoned us. That we had no soul. I kept hearing the voice of our beloved Mother reminding us that we had to have faith. So I had faith for all of us. I prayed without ceasing for the light of the Lord to shine upon us and deliver us from the evil of our own making. Days blurred into one another. Demon Me led a solitary life, not unlike that of a monk. He went to school. Afterwards he returned home with the other vampire siblings and left the second he could, running out into the afternoon. He stayed out all night and returned in the morning. I began to suspect that his vampire Father insisted on hunting trips that took several days just to force him to be around his family. Even then, he rarely spoke.

Then one day, a miracle happened. In walked this young girl, a dear little thing, with brown eyes and mahogany hair that caught the jaded eyes of Demon Me. Even I could see the lust that ran through him when he caught a whiff of the fragrance of her blood. There was something about this young woman that made her stand out from all the other humans we had known. She possessed a purity to her soul that even Demon Me could recognize. And she was so shy. Like we were.

I knew that he would pay more attention to her if I screamed at him that he should not. And I did an awful lot of screaming, foot stamping, and Bible thumping. It was child's play, really, to get him to become interested in her. Her physical beauty only helped us in that matter. I had rarely seen another more lovely. Demon Me, poor misguided soul, convinced himself that he was faking his feelings for her. Maybe he was. But I just knew that she was our salvation. I saw the expressions on her face when she watched us when she thought others were not aware. We fascinated her. The Predator agreed that she was exceptional and worthy of a campaign. We came up with a plan.

The Predator said, "You shriek about how innocent she is and how we should leave her alone."

I tapped my foot impatiently. That was his idea of a master plan? I was already doing that. He sensed my unease and held up a palm. "I'll play the bad guy and tell him to drink her."

"What will that accomplish? He could kill her so easily." I didn't have to work hard to sound scandalized. The Predator was a bloodless oaf at times but his heart was in the right place.

"It will make him protective of her."

"Will that help?"

"What is rare becomes valued. He will not want to share her with anyone else. Have you seen how he looks at her?"

"Well, yes. Like he has an overabundance of sinful thoughts. If only he would let us go to confession. We need to be cleansed."

"He does not believe that we have a soul that could be purified by that rite."

"But we do."

"He might change his mind for her sake."

"I don't like the way that she-devil of a sister of his, Rosalie, is looking at our dear little one. She stares at her like she is going to drink her dry."

"That Jasper does, too."

"We must stop them."

"I agree."

"We should call his attention to it." So we did. He raged and plotted all sorts of revenge schemes.

The Predator snorted and said, "I have a much better idea. Come here." He whispered something into Demon Me's ears that seemed to calm him.

"You think that will work?"

"I do," the Predator said, "It will also get your brother and sister arguing with their spouses and the family. You kill three birds with one stone. No one will ever see you coming."

"Agreed."

And what a fight it was. Demon Me pulled out all the stops. He excelled in his display of vindictiveness. He was vicious. He used Jasper's powers against him and spilled secrets long thought buried to Rosalie's husband in the name of protecting our dear little one. Demon Me now thought of her as his bottle cap when he wasn't calling her "his human," or "his singer." The Predator saw that as a sign of progress.

But I had my doubts. I feared that it would take more than Paul falling off of the horse to teach this stubborn Demon that he did, indeed have a heart, after all. Our Mother had said so. I just had no idea that it would be this hard. So I went back to praying frantically as he sat by her bed site watching our beloved sleep.

"Bad red-eyed coming help marble apple. Don't leave." She babbled in her sleep.

The Predator said, "Your Bible talks of people speaking in tongues when overcome with that Lord you believe in."

"It does. What of it?" I asked the Predator.

"I think that is what she is doing. I think that is a message sent from on high warning us."

Demon Me had been ignoring us, but now his ears pricked as he listened to our conversation.

"Of what?" I asked the Predator, pointing towards our captive audience.

"That another demon stalks her." Demon Me did not like that bit of news. He clearly agreed. But his face – oh my goodness, he terrified me. For a moment, he looked like that animal that he had become all those years past in Chicago –the one that had terrified even the local mobsters.

I exhorted, "We must be vigilant."

"Indeed," the Predator nodded.

We both noticed that Demon Me had become lost in his mind. I poked Demon Me from his night dreams and said, "We must think about what that means."

"Leave me alone." He brushed me away and stared at our dear little one as if she was the key to his salvation.

He was starting to come around.

The Predator gave me a greeting he called a "high-five."

We had much work ahead of us.

But she was worth it. So beautiful. So lovely. So pure. So kind. She refreshed our weary soul. And she would one day be ours. Her eyes, what secrets they held. I could tell this woman fascinated Demon Me just as much as she did the Predator and I. She was meant to be.

Our Mother said so. Even if he did not remember. We did. Not that he would listen to us. So we had to carry the torch of faith and let it shine to reveal the soul he insisted he did not have.

Right now, the poor woman sat in her monstrosity of a truck weeping in the cold. She should not be so frightened. We must urge him to help her and apologize for being so rude to her. It was the right thing to do. We were supposed to guard her from all harm. We nudged Demon Me into acting by whispering, "She is scared. We should find out why. She needs us." He ignored me, although I had made him curious enough to look. We all heard her weeping and say to herself, "I can't miss the history exam. Just get out of the car. You can do it."

I gestured at the Predator. He held up a palm to appease me and hissed, "Wait. Notice her attire." The poor girl was dressed inappropriately for such bitterly cold temperatures. She could freeze!

That was all it took to send him after her. When she opened her truck door and stepped onto the ice we yelped, "She could fall. Hurry!" Demon Me did not need to be reminded a second time. Then, of course, she slipped, arms outstretched frantically trying to do the impossible and fight gravity. Her legs flew into the air, over her head, I just knew when she landed it would crush her skull. The Predator and I both bellowed at Demon Me. I started praying to the Blessed Mother to look out for our dear little one. She answered my request. Demon Me caught her. We saw the stunned look on his face as he cradled her in his arms. He seemed like someone had swatted his forehead with a large stick.

The Predator said, "Well, that should give him the proper motivation. Our work for the day is done. He's already smitten with her."

"He is stubborn. It will take more than this. I just know it."

I turned my eyes up to the icon of the Blessed Mother and began to pray. His very soul depended on it. I let the familiar words of Latin wash over me as I fingered the rosary in my hands and closed my eyes, contemplating the vision of beauty that was Bella Swan. She would be our bride, our wife, the key to our soul. For her sake, we would wander out of the wasteland of darkness that we had inhabited for so long. She just didn't know it yet. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen.

**Please review. Starched Shirt Edward misses you all. Deviants. **

* * *

**References:**

For more on the Superego:

http:/www (dot) cla (dot) purdue (dot) edu/english/theory/psychoanalysis/definitions/superego (dot) html

If ever there was a perfect Saint to represent Edward, it's Saint Augustine. For more on Saint Augustine:

Here's his biography and a link to his works:

http:/www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/saint-augustine/


	79. Outtake Four Original Honeymoon Pt I

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction.**

**Author's Note: You should note for clarity's sake that most of the time Emmett, Jasper, or Carlisle speak in this portion they are either speaking at such a low rate only vampires can hear or are mentally thinking their thoughts to Edward. This is the original honeymoon. Keep in mind it's one of the first things I've ever written, and that I was writing a satire of SM's BD at the time. SSE and Jugurtha are not in this version as I hadn't made them up yet. But they're waving at you. Douglas, too. **

**I'm kind of floored at the reception these outtakes have been getting. Thanks so much for all the reviews, rec's, tweets, and PM's. :)**

* * *

The waves splashed gently against the pristine white sand of the beach on the private Isle of Esme. Edward thought of the cooler that held stored iced animal blood that he had left at the foot of their marital bed, thanking the good Lord above that he had prepared carefully for this night. He had twenty others stored in a back bedroom. If only his angel knew how hard it was going to be for him to hold up his end of the bargain. Her blood sang to him more than that of any human he had ever encountered. The price of marriage required Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to actually contemplate breaking the one vow he had clung to so tightly for 90 years. Chastity. There he said it. He certainly had struggled over the past 90 years hearing his parents and even (shuddering) his siblings enjoy the physical aspect of lovemaking. Vampire sex should have been considered a competitive sport in his family he mused. And being the gentleman that he was raised to be required showing restraint around his fragile Bella; he could easily kill her with one wrong move. Now that they were married, the very idea of consummating their vows filled him with equal parts terror and desire. Edward worried about how he would endure the next few hours. He could not believe how determined his Bella behaved in her seduction attempts. First that astounding toe curling kiss on the altar in front of God and country, then the limo, then the plane. If Vampires could faint he would have done so when she mumbled about the "mile high club" in her sleep. He was frantic. And excited. And ashamed. And painfully aroused. All at once.

Bella clearly had no idea what she was asking him to do and how much preparation it took to even consider granting her request. And Edward felt so frustrated that she refused to see things from his point of view. Bella was normally so selfless and thought of others. It bewildered him that when he would enforce the boundaries to protect her how she interpreted his efforts to preserve her life as rejection. If only she understood just how difficult it was resisting her body as well as her blood. She was so determined to steamroll into sex that he felt it necessary to make sure that she understood what Vampire sex entailed. In the months prior to their wedding he had insisted on her reading volume after volume of vampire sex manuals with him, thinking that might frighten her into waiting for her change. It only seemed to incite her enthusiasm. After a rather mortifying conversation with his teasing family, Edward had insisted that Rosalie, Esme, and Alice sit Bella down for a "talk" about what to expect when sleeping with a Vampire. He would dearly have wished to be in the house when that conversation occurred but his sisters and mother waited until he was hunting to spring the discussion on his sweet Bella. And as usual, when he pestered them for information they blocked his efforts to read their minds, smiled, and sweetly insisted that it was "girls only". That meant that he had no idea what they had told her to expect. He had a sneaking feeling that Tanya was even involved may God help him based on her satisfied smirk at his wedding while she blocked his thoughts by mentally counted her past lovers. Alice had taken to reciting the Star Spangled Banner in Mandrian Chinese, Rosalie maliciously chanted those dreadful lyrics to New Kids on the Block, and Esme recited soap making instructions from Martha Stewart books. His mother and sisters apparently did not care that he was terrified for Bella's sake. Harpies.

Well, he thought to himself, I never actually promised that I would actually have sexual intercourse with Bella, I just promised to *try*. There, that should help make things better. It's amazing for someone who hadn't had a pulse in 90 years, how nervous he felt – almost like he could hear his heart beating in tandem with his wife's as she prepared herself in the bathroom for the night ahead. He actually felt clammy as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. As she showered, the intoxicating scent of her blood became even more intense and wafted into the bedroom. His eyes turned black and he stopped breathing as he raked his fingers through his hair trying to compose himself, prowling back and forth across the expansive room. Finally, he could not take it anymore and fled to the beach. His Father and Brothers were lurking outside just within range should they be needed. Perhaps they could calm him down in his hour of need.

As he stood on the beach he heard, "Pssssst Edward" from Emmett.

Edward answered dully, "Yes."

"How's it going?"

"She's inside getting ready. God help me. What do I do now?" Edward sounded unnerved.

Jasper appeared from the darkness standing beside Emmett and Carlisle.

"She's coming out of the house," he barked at Edward. Jasper suddenly ducked his head and looked at the ground wolf whistling at a level that only a Vampire could hear.

"Edward. Prepare yourself" Jasper commented like a General coaching a new private before the onslaught of the enemy attack. "Bella is only wearing a towel and she's marching this way with a determined glint in her eye. Don't ask questions. Just do as I command. Strip."

At vampire speed, Edward frantically disrobed, hurriedly tossing his clothes on a nearby palm frond. He ignored the rude stares of his brothers, dread welling in his non-beating heart. _This is it._ _I have to calm down. I have to be strong. Thank God my family is here to help me._

His mind couldn't stop racing. Even though he no longer needed to breathe, he kept gasping for air. He could smell her scent as she approached.

Emmett did a double take, stared at Edward, and commented, "Dude, that's just so not fair."

"What is your problem now?" Edward hissed, "And WHY am I stripping if I'm trying NOT to have sex?"

"I just lost a bet with Jasper over the size of your Johnson. Damn man, you really are going to kill her with that. How do you walk?" Emmett faked sobbed, "I feel so inadequate now. Japser hold me." Emmett chortled.

Edward ground his teeth and contemplated strangling his brother. Just this once.

Emmett continued with his torture. "Edward, do me a favor and make sure that my Rose never sees you naked. Or Alice. Jasper and I can't stand the competition. And for the record, had Tanya taken a gander at your impressive package there's no way you would still be a virgin. Have you been wearing a man girdle all these years? I can't believe she missed this. I can't wait to tell her. That'll put her in a snit for at least a decade. Maybe two if I play my cards right. Hey Carlisle, if we ever need to restock the family funds we could contract Edward out to VampVivid Video as their newest star."

If Vampires could die of humiliation, Edward would have expired on the spot right then and there and he stood with his hands shielding his painfully aroused manly parts. His siblings had never seen him naked despite living together for decades. Jealous bastards. Only Carlisle remained impassive. He felt so chagrined. His anxiety increased even more as he realized Bella's form approached him like a charging army and she was only wearing a towel. And he really wanted to see what was under that towel, damn him to hell. Edward did not even want to think about his brothers seeing his precious Bella naked.

"It's all for a noble cause," he mentally chanted. "Our love is sacred. Pure. I can not harm my virtuous Bella." He tried to ignore the raging monster in him that roared at him to take his wife throw her to the ground and . . . never mind.

Carlisle interrupted his musings, "Edward walk out into the water and look distracted."

Walking like a man on the plank, He stumbled out into the water until it reached his waist. Edward heard his brothers hiss that he needed to look relaxed so he unclenched his fits that were at his sides and lay his palms flat against the water moving them back and forth. He heard Emmett mentally order that he needed to keep his hands perfectly still otherwise he'd look like he was making jazz hands. Edward froze. He swallowed a mouthful of venom, ignoring the burn as he smelled his wife approach. He noticed his brothers and father retreated to the bushes just far enough away that he could hear them, but out of Bella's abilities to detect them. He heard her heartbeat as it raged in her chest as she slowly approached. Edward suddenly understood what it felt like to be prey. He gulped again. He smoothed his features into a mask of serenity, chiding himself that now was not the time to look like a knock-kneed virgin. He needed to find his happy place and mentally get back into the game. Her heard the towel drop to the sand. He listened as she entered the water approaching his still form.

As she stood beside him, naked, Edward peeked at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to appear casual. He thought reverently, "She is absolutely stunning."

Venom coated his mouth and he sincerely hoped he was not drooling. He was sure drooling would ruin the image of confidence he hoped to convey. He could feel the blood pooling under her skin as she flushed shyly in embarrassment. He cringed mentally as she told him not to be afraid. He couldn't believe his 19 year old wife was giving *HIM* a morale boosting chat before sex, and worse, his family gleefully heard every word. Oh, how the ignominy of the situation made him want to expire. He could hear his brothers trying valiantly to suppress their snickers in the distance.

Emmett's thoughts about the apple-shaped nature of Bella's posterior were hard to ignore. He could feel Carlisle's sympathy, which was just as bad. Jasper was sending a calming wave directed at them both to tamper down the raging lust.

"Hmmm." Bella said softly, "That's funny. I thought I'd be nervous standing here by you completely naked alone on this deserted island with just the two of us hundreds of miles away from civilization but suddenly I feel calm. It's almost like Jasper is here with us in spirit." Given his wife's tendency to attract danger and accidents, Edward did not want to push his luck remaining in the water any longer than absolutely necessary. Particularly as Bella's hands started wandering across his chest.

Taking her left hand in his, Edward angled his body so that it blocked his family's view of Bella as they left the water. He frantically grabbed for the towel and dried the salt water from his wife's dainty form. He grabbed his shirt from the palm fronds and methodically fed Bella's arms into the sleeves. He buttoned it at Vampire speed feeling slightly calmer now that she was clothed.

"Wait, why are you putting clothes *on* me?" Bella asked.

"Because, love, I have this fantasy I'm hoping you will act out," he growled as he meticulously rolled up each sleeve of the shirt so that it fit her small arms. He didn't want his Bella tripping on the shirt sleeves, "I was looking forward to undressing you on our wedding night. You have _no idea_, Mrs. Cullen how arousing you are." He happily noted that the hem of his shirt reached past her knees. Bella's modesty was safe from his leering brothers, and her virtue was intact. For now.

"Dude. This has to be killing you. Damn! She's smoking hot. You are THE MAN! Hey, why'd you have to go and dress her?" Emmett whined," We're all family here."

Jasper sent a calming wave to Emmett mentally hissing at him, "You need to show a little respect for our _sister_." Jasper then switched the focus of his thoughts to the groom. Since Edward was in such close proximity to his wife, he couldn't risk calming both of them at the same time. Bella might catch on to his presence. "Edward, keep your eye on the prize. Remember the battle plan."

"I am respecting her – that girl has got _mad game_. And I'm staring right at them and shouting advice to Edward. Seriously. What's your problem?" Emmett whispered him complaint to Jasper at Vampire frequencies. Edward was having a difficult time listening to everyone at once. Wait Bella was talking now.

"Really?" she blushed. Edward stood there pole-axed with his eyes glazed over, it was taking him a while to answer simple statements. Clearly, Tanya's advice was working brilliantly since he seemed so out of it, Bella crowed. "But you're dressing me in _your_ clothes. That's kind of sexy, Edward. I like wearing nothing but your shirt. And smelling your delicious scent on it is such a turn on. God you're making me wet."

She leaned forward shut her eyes and deeply inhaled the scent from his chest, running her little nose against his smooth skin. Then she licked him. Twice. He went weak at the knees and almost sank to the sand. Thank God her eyes were closed. He was sure he was gaping slack-jawed like an idiot. Emmett's thoughts only confirmed that sentiment. Then God help him, Bella started talking again.

"Edward, do you want me to put anything else on that you can take off?" she whispered seductively. "Anything? I want to please you. I want to help you with this fantasy."

Edward did a double take as her words sank in and tamped down a rising wave of lust. He ignored the lewd thoughts coming from Emmett about cheerleader uniforms. As if.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper could see Edward stiffen in outrage and he kept pulling at the hem of Bella's shirt. Emmett tried not to snicker as he heard Bella plaintively ask why Edward kept tugging on her shirt and Edward's responding lie that he was brushing sand off the hem.

Jasper whispered to his father and brothers that now was not the time for their presence to make Edward angry. Edward had to remember the game plan. Edward surreptitiously nodded at Jasper.

Carlisle silently laughed at Edward's modesty on behalf of Bella and sent his thoughts to his son. "Edward, it's not like I haven't seen Bella naked before. I've treated her, for goodness' sakes. And we've all lived with one another for years hearing what each couple does. Relax. Stay focused on the plan. Remember this is about Bella's welfare. You can do _anything_ for Bella."

They all relaxed as they saw Edward's countenance take on a determined expression. One thing that Edward was remarkably consistent on was his pig headed stubbornness when he thought he was in the right. It would serve him well tonight.

"Shall we retire to the bedroom Mrs. Cullen?" Edward's velvet voice smoothly inquired. Bella giggled in response. She squeaked as he swept her into his arms bridal style, whispering, "My love, you are enchanting. I long to make you mine. I've spent more hours planning this night than you can possibly imagine." He thought he could get lost in her chocolate brown orbs they burned with an intensity he had never seen.

Bella cooed and eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck pulling his head to hers for a scorching hot kiss. To her credit, she followed his rules and did not try to open his mouth. Venom coursed over his tongue. He gulped. One single kiss was all it took for Edward to accept that his plan to cheat indeed represented the prudent and ethical course of action if he wanted to keep his insane wife in one piece. There was the letter of the law and then there was the spirit of the law. There was no way he could get through the night and not drain her dry. He knew without looking in a mirror that his eyes had darkened to pitch in color.

**Please review! **


	80. Outtake Four Original Honeymoon Pt II

**The Original Cullenary Coupling Honeymoon Part II**

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction.**

******Thanks to all for the hysterical reviews, tweets, PM's and general overwhelming support. Keep it coming. :)**

**Author's Note: These characters are the property of SM. I'm only borrowing them for purposes of satire. You should note for clarity's sake that most of the time Emmett, Jasper, or Carlisle speak in this portion they are either speaking at such a low rate only Meyerpires can hear or are mentally thinking their thoughts to Edward.**

* * *

As Edward carried Bella into the bedroom, he decided having her in his arms felt like equal parts of heaven and hell. Her kisses drove him wild, particularly the boundless enthusiasm that she recklessly wielded. Bella's hands, damn the woman, were all over him like pickpockets on the streets of Rome. Not that he had ever been pickpocketed. But still.

She tantalizingly traced his sparkly rock hard stone-like ice cold bare chest as they kissed. When her dainty fingers reached the waistband of his trousers, Edward decided that he had reached his limit of being noble for one night as his eyes crossed and he moaned. He used vampire speed to reach their bed and lay her down. _This is for the better good_, he reminded himself as he lay by her side facing her.

His lips slowly traced a path from her temple to her jaw. Her moaning his name was driving him insane. He knew his brothers were mentally shouting advice at him, but with the stress he felt, their words sounded about as decipherable as the adults talking on a Peanuts cartoon. All he could concentrate on at the moment was the incredible sensations of being in bed with Bella and the temptations that roared through him.

Frantically, he moved to her collarbone and neck while attempting to remember the next step of the plan. Wait? There was a plan? He gingerly blocked her hands from his waistband only to have her reach for the buttons of the tuxedo shirt that he had put on her.

"No, that's my job. And right now I want you dressed," he chided halting her fingers and re-buttoning up the shirt.

Bella pouted, lower lip quivering, tempting him for another kiss. "Edward" she panted. "I want you. Inside me. Now."

By all the saints, I must stop those hands, he observed as he grabbed both of her wrists with his left hand and put them above her head rolling her onto her back. He didn't want to make a mistake with his venom coated teeth. She needed to be completely preoccupied in order for this to work. At the point when Bella started nibbling on his ear, he completely forgot what he was trying to do and mentally went blank again as lust roared through him like a wildfire. Then Bella did the unthinkable. She wrapped her legs around his waist like clinging vines and thrust her pelvis against his arousal. Edward completely lost the ability for rational thought as the dual fires of bloodlust and good old fashioned vampire lust burned out of control.

In that moment, it seemed like he was having an out-of-body experience. He could hear one voice in his mind looking down at his gorgeous wife, wondering that such a divine creature could actually love him. He would never get over how good his attempts at making love to her felt. Calling it positively indescribable was an understatement. Then there was the other voice in his mind, the righteous one that shouted he needed to remember the plan. Not to kill his wife. That plan. Right.

Carlisle hissed in vampire frequency: "Edward, you are losing your focus. Concentrate on your goal. It might help if you do something naughty to keep her occupied before you make your move. For heaven's sake, get her legs unwrapped from your waist. Now."

Edward did not even want to think what Carlisle's idea of naughty entailed. He wholeheartedly agreed about the legs part though. Ngghhhh. And the hips. Christ.

Edward hissed in pleasure as she moved to the other ear. And bit down. Good God did the woman not understand what biting meant to a vampire during sex? Had she _read_ those manuals? Oh wait. She had. Drat. He was toast. He was going to die from foreplay alone. For good. Really.

"Man, you've got to stop those teeth. And the legs. And the hips! Damn!" Emmett warned like a football coach exhorting the team after a bad play. Not that anything Bella ever did in bed was bad. Well, in the performance sense. Bad in lots of other ways? Most definitely.

_Thank you Emmett for making the freaking obvious point,_ Edward seethed as he held onto his rapidly shredding control wondering what to do next as Bella continued to sensuously grind against him, kissing a trail down his chest.

"Touch her breast!" Emmet helpfully suggested from his position outside the window, "Gently! Remember she's a human! And, uh, sorry for looking man, but that always distracts Rose. And by the way, congratulations for _finally_ making it to _second_ base! Boo-yah! Jasper and I will note this auspicious date in the family Bible. I'm wiping a venom tear from my eye. Sniff." Edward had no idea what Emmett was babbling about with that tears business. Everyone knew they couldn't cry tears.

Imperceptibly nodding at his brother, Edward mused to himself, "The first time I get to second base with a girl and I'm trying to NOT have sex with her. And I really _want_ to have sex with her. And we're married. How's that for irony."

He gingerly touched her right breast through the fabric of the shirt as if it were hot lava. "_They're so soft, so firm_," he thought wondrously. "_I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I waited all these years to do this. My goodness Emmett was right,"_ Edward noted in amazement - it certainly distracted her.

She arched her back off of the bed and struggled to escape from his grasp moaning his name in ecstasy, writhing in passion. He desperately tried to ignore the glorious feeling of finally touching her…like that. The smell of her arousal was driving him insane. He could tell she was close. He had to do something before he completely lost control. His inner vampire beast wept piteously.

Jasper ordered, "Edward, stop dilly dallying about. Act in command. Say something!"

"No, no, no," Edward playfully teased her. "It's my turn now. We need to slow this down a bit." Edward ran his fingers down her supple thighs wondering when Bella managed to acquire such a fantastic muscle tone to her…wait can't think about those legs….or her rear…..He gingerly unwrapped her legs from his waist distracting her by running his fingers up and down her legs as he flattened them against the bed. "We have all night long, Mrs. Cullen. And it is payback time for the way you attacked me in the church, the reception, and the limo my shameless bride. I've been plotting this all day long." Bella in a daze complied with his request a look of rapture on her face.

"Hey Edward, we totally don't mind supervising if you want to keep going. Just remember that part about not _killing_ your human wife, ok?" Emmett mentally taunted from his lookout position outside the bedroom. Did his brothers not realize they could be arrested for that behavior in the States? Oh wait, I watched her sleep for weeks, maybe I shouldn't talk. Damn, she was kissing him again and using her teeth on his lower lip. He couldn't stand it any longer. He noted in dread her legs were moving again. God help him.

Emmett said, "Uh, Dude, I can tell you are about ready to let little Eddie come out and play and it's time to step up to the plate and bring this game to a conclusion before things get out of hand. Take my suggestion. Rub her ah, well, you know - quickly and when she climaxes then do that move I taught you."

Thinking himself the worst form of pervert on earth, Edward subtly nodded at his brothers and father, mentally apologized to his bride thanking the dear Lord she had no idea of his family's proximity and deepened the kiss, moving to her other breast briefly with his hand. He was amazed that he barely touched her through the fabric of her panties when she started screaming in pleasure and climaxed.

Edward looked down in wonder at his Bella in all her glory thinking, "I did that. And she's mine forever." While she was reacting to that stimulation, he quickly hit a pressure point on her neck, and sighed in fervent relief when she immediately passed out. He noticed Jasper sent a wave of powerful lust at them both right before she lost consciousness and read his thoughts of, "Sorry Edward, but I thought that would help keep it real. When she wakes up the only thing she should remember is feeling overwhelming passion before she faded to black. And might I just say you managed to completely surprise me. Third Base. Now it's my turn to wipe away a venom tear." Jasper playfully teased.

"Oh man, don't stop now we were getting to the good part. This is _even better_ than human porn. Wake her up for round two Cowboy!" Emmett blurted mischievously. Both Jasper and Carlisle standing on either side of him in the bushes simultaneously smacked him upside his head. "Owwww. That hurt! What! It's the truth! Say Jasper, when we get home you wanna try and recreate this with Alice and Rose? Ow! Watch it soldier boy. I will own you!" Emmett lunged around his father to reach Jasper.

"Boys now is NOT the time for wrestling." Carlisle sternly admonished putting a restraining arm on the shoulder of each of his sons.

"Oh yeah right back to watching Eddie wrestle with Bella. This is so freaking hot. Oh damn it's _really_ over? I'm overwhelmed with chagrin! I missed the best part right before everything fades to black." Emmett whined. "Say Eddie, we'll be here first thing tomorrow so I can have an instant replay all right?"

Jasper's voice was frigid, "We're here to make sure Edward does not kill Bella, remember sparky?"

Emmett's face quickly became serious. He kicked at the sand with his shoes. "Sorry, guys, I got carried away," he turned in the direction of the house and whispered, "My bad Edward! Stay strong…and uh no sex with the wife!" Emmett's chagrin mentally blasted at Edward.

Thanking his lucky stars at his near escape and desperately working to calm his dual lusts – for his wife's flesh and blood, Edward Cullen took a moment to gasp for air he no longer needed, glaring at Emmett through the window. He gently laid his unconscious wife down against the bed, castigating himself as he noticed slight bruises forming on her arms and legs. Wait, where did those other bruises come from, he wondered as he noticed fading marks on her back and legs. That's one thing I won't have to fake, he sighed in disgust, now she'll have definite proof that I had my hands all over her. Trying not to jostle her and calling himself the worst kind of monster, Edward tore the shirt from her body along with her lace underwear (attempting all the while not to gawp) and scattered the buttons and fabric pieces around the room, quickly covering her with the bed sheet as he heard his family approach to preserve her modesty.

He walked to the French doors and silently opened the doors for his family. Emmett said to him with his thoughts, "Bella doesn't know what to expect, I think you should trash the headboard. Let her think that you shredded the wood rather than snap her bones – that should give her something to think about." Following Emmett's mental instructions Edward carefully placed his hands along the headboard and crushed the wood in several locations. He had to make it look real. He froze as Bella moved on the bed in her sleep. She let out a sigh and continued dozing.

Jasper mentally said to Edward, "Sometimes things with Alice get so intense when we are in the house – and you all aren't around, I tear into the pillows with my teeth. On the rare occasions we make love in the house, I usually end up killing two pillows."

"Dude, so do I!" Emmett said in amazement.

Hm Jasper said two pillows - as Edward's eyes fell on the fat feather pillows. He smugly decided that his Bella deserved more. Was pillow envy a psychological condition? Edward quickly disembowled four of them with this teeth making sure to scatter as many feathers as possible over Bella's hair and around her body.

She snorted in her slumber, scrunching her nose briefly as the feathers gently descended. The entire room stilled as every vampire in the room held his breath. She sighed softly and continued sleeping the slumber of the innocent, mumbling, "Oh Edward. Love You. More Chagrin Please."

Carlisle clinically lifted the sheet and examined Bella to ensure that she was free from injury. His brothers hovered in the background looking at the floor, avoiding the bed with their eyes. Carlisle nodded to Edward that he had completed his medical evaluation of Bella and nodded his head in the direction of the beach mentally suggesting they talk outside. The Cullen men quietly crept from the room.

They walked to a distance that was out of Bella's ability to hear but close enough that Edward could still hear and see inside the room and return if needed. Carlisle said to Edward, "I know you are worried about the bruising, but it looks worse than it is. I am very proud of you for maintaining your self control in what was undoubtedly a difficult situation. You need to insist on Bella taking two Motrin tomorrow."

As they talked on the beach, Bella's usual sleeptalking started and he quickly returned to her side to make sure she was not having a nightmare. Edward could hear snickering as Bella said, "More please I love you. Right there."

She moved to her side facing him. Edward froze. She seemed peaceful. He decided to wait a few more moments just to make sure. Five minutes later his ears perked up when he heard her say, "Blow. Blow…..ing in the wind, the answer my friend." Edward decided with disgust that he had a filthy mind and his pure Bella couldn't help what she said. Then she made a single word that send his lust raging all over again.

"Oral?"

He wondered at that last word, and his mind raged over the possibilities as she flushed in her sleep. It would keep him agonizing for hours. Perhaps days. He shuddered.

Her ruminations reminded Edward of the challenges that lay before him over the next week. "What ever possessed me to stretch our honeymoon out this long? I am ninety times a fool," he muttered to himself. Instead of days filled with passion, the honeymoon stretched out before him like an endless desert in front of a starving soul. He did not know how he would make it across without snapping his teeth at the mirages and losing his mind.

He had to keep her occupied when she awoke, occupied on something other than sex. Just taking the feathers out should keep her busy for at least an hour tomorrow morning, Edward hopefully thought. Great. One down, eleven to go. What to do? What to do? Oh I am in hell!

Trying to calm his raging blood lust, he went to the cooler, quickly warmed the blood in the microwave and sucked down five bags of mountain lion. He felt control slowly return as his thirst was temporarily quenched. He realized he was once again being selfish and that he needed to think of his family as well. Edward prepared several containers of blood for Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper.

Checking to make sure his bride was soundly asleep, Edward crept from the room and joined his family on the beach. He offered them bags of warmed blood.

"Ah, Edward, you managed to escape tonight by the hair of your chinny chin chin but tomorrow is another day. And she looked *really* determined. We'll hang around for a few days to protect your virtue big brother," Emmett joked as he toasted him with a bag of grizzly blood.

"I never thought I'd say this, but thank you for helping me survive this night. I think I can use the same techniques on her tomorrow and she'll never be the wiser," Edward assured his family with renewed confidence. "Oh Jasper, could you make a run to the mainland? I think we're going to need a lot more feather pillows."

"Of course Edward. Just remember to keep in mind that this is all about her safety." Jasper reminded him.

"Tonight was not as bad as I feared," Edward firmly went back into denial mode, "I think tomorrow will be easier."

He mentally decided to overlook their expressions of doubt and returned to the room when he heard Bella stirring. He stood still as a marble statue watching to see if she would arise, fearing what he would do if she did. Oh thank heavens she's still asleep. He then lay down on a nearby chaise lounge with a copy of War and Peace and waited for his love to awake from what he hoped would be a very long slumber.

**Starched Shirt Edward has no idea what just happened. But since Main Edward is smiling so much, he is sure it must have been sinful. Please review. Deviants. SSE needs the support. **


	81. Outtake Four Original Honeymoon Pt III

**Original Honeymoon Part Three**

**Author's Note: These characters are the property of SM. I'm only borrowing them for purposes of satire. You should note for clarity's sake that most of the time Emmett, Jasper, or Carlisle speak in this portion they are either speaking at such a low rate only Vampires can hear or are mentally thinking their thoughts to Edward.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction.**

**Thanks to all for the hysterical reviews, tweets, PM's and general overwhelming support. Keep it coming. :)**

* * *

Seven blissfully long hours later his wife opened her eyes to find her anxious husband hovering at her side holding a tray of food. He couldn't decide if she'd like cereal or pancakes more so made both. She appeared confused when Edward immediately placed the tray on the end table and rushed to her bedside and lifted the sheet to carefully inspect her body.

Bella mumbled, "Edward? Why am I covered in feathers?"

Edward looked embarrassed and said, "Love, I got a little carried away last night."

She stood up and he gently wrapped her snugly a lightweight robe that covered her from neck to her shins.

"Why after having a blissful night of passion in your arms are you staring at me naked and _then_ trying to put clothes on me _again_?" Bella blushed from head to toe.

Edward cried forlornly, "Oh Bella, I'm such a monster. I lost control last night. Look at the sizes of those bruises on your arms and legs. I'll never forgive myself! How can I ever apologize enough to you, my sweet?"

Bella appeared dumbstruck for a moment, "Apologize?" she snorted, "For what? That was the best sex I ever had! Can Vampire's choke? Wait I know the Heimlich (goes around him from behind and performs the Heimlich maneuver). Are you ok?"

Edward whispered, "I'm fine my sweet. Thank you for asking. My venom went down the wrong way." He could mentally hear his brothers applauding from outside in the bushes. He heard Jasper think, "Good save!"

Bella continued, "Picking up where we left off….about last night… Sex with you was phenomenal! Where did the feathers come from? They're all in my hair….I don't remember that part." And I'm barely bruised from last night. Some of these marks are old. You know how clumsy I am. And remember Jake grabbed me at the wedding….," she stopped as he growled.

Edward turned her around and picked meticulously through her hair like a mother monkey, "I'm afraid you were so amazing last night, I went a little insane. Did I please you?" he whispered softly.

Bella's brow furrowed, "Why are we whispering?" she murmured back at him with a look of naughtiness about her. "We are the only ones on this island hundreds of miles away from people remember?"

"Speaking of your memory I think you hit your head last night when I destroyed the headboard, are you ok? What is the last thing you remember?" Edward smoothly lied.

Bella's chocolate eyes grew thoughtful as she bit her lower lip, "Seriously? I don't remember hitting my head although the top of my neck is kind of tender. Oh Edward…well….my mind is kind of fuzzy on the details. I remember kissing you and I remember you putting me on the bed and I remember you actually _touched_ my breasts although I thought it was kind of sexy that I still had your shirt on and then I felt this overwhelming wave of lust the likes of which I've _never_ experienced and this sensation of mind boggling pleasure roared throughout my body. And then everything faded to black."

Edward heard Emmett mentally chuckle, "And we have a touchdown gentleman! The plan worked!"

Bella continued, "I might not remember any more, but I can't wait to do it again! I can't believe I fainted during sex. But I'm sure that will go away with practice. Let's start right now Mr. Cullen.

Edward patiently lifted her chin with his hand and looked her in the eyes. "Bella. Last night was your _first_ time," he gently cautioned her.

"I know and I can't wait for seconds. And thirds. And fourths."

"Remember how I went to medical school twice? We need to give you time to heal ahem, down there in your womanly parts." He looked away briefly. Bella could swear he looked embarrassed for a moment.

Bella giggled, "I feel no pain _there_ whatsoever. Wanna play doctor and examine me yourself, Dr. Cullen? Despite your being a virgin too, you clearly learned something along the way you _sexy beast_. I feel great. Almost like nothing happened….The virgins in those romance novels are a bunch of wusses. Pffft, you were worried about nothing."

Edward said in a gentle voice, "But my precious angel, you are covered with bruises and I nearly drained you dry last night. It was all I could do to hold onto my impressive/amazing/phenomenal/legendary/masochistic/studly control. I loathe myself for hurting one hair on your head. I insist we must wait until you've completely healed. I can't bear to put you through any more pain. And I'm going to need to hunt some more to assuage my blood lust. (Edward covered the cooler with a blanket masking it from view.) You're just so mortal. Tasty. Delicious. It's killing me to resist you when we're like _that_. And since we are alone on this island I must insist that we be extra careful. Here have two Motrin with your orange juice. I squeezed the oranges this morning while you slept. More cereal? Or pancakes?"

Bella snorted, "Pain? Pffft. Since I'm no longer a virgin we don't need to worry about pain. Way to go in deflowering skills Romeo. Last night went so well, I now have even MORE faith in your control. We just need _more practice_ (furrows brow, narrows eyes, gets determined gleam in here eyes. Fails to notice her husband's panicked expression). _Lots_ more practice."

Edward could hear Emmett, Jasper, and damn him, even Carlisle laughing hysterically behind the bushes out of hearing range from Bella's human ears. He turned his back on his wife pretending to gaze out the window. He glared in Jasper's direction and whispered at vampire frequency for him to send a calming wave to Bella.

She chugged her juice after taking the pills. Edward had never seen her inhale food so quickly. He asked if she wanted seconds only to hear her decline. He was in trouble. Serious trouble. He felt like a trapped rat.

Edward heard Jasper's soothing voice in his mind as he started to panic, "Edward, part of battle means being flexible with your planning in the face of the enemy. It is time to go to Plan C 'Operation tire your bride out.' Take her scuba diving all day long. You know Bella doesn't have the stamina to last. She'll be exhausted in no time at all as soon as you get home. And she'll sleep soundly for hours." Edward could have cried in relief. He made a mental note to send Jasper and Alice on a fantastic vacation when they returned.

Edward gave a subtle nod in assent, while kissing Bella, and methodically began to execute his next plan on distracting his amorous wife. Oh the price he paid to keep her safe. His angel. His Bella. He did not deserve her. His entire world revolved around her well being. He was the luckiest vampire on the planet. He was so lost in thought he failed to notice his bride's determined hands were under his shirt. She raked her nails across his abdomen. Slowly. Oh Lord, he was in hell as he tried to stem the waves of rising lust he felt.

"Bella!" He kissed her chastely. Watch the hair! And the ears!" He captured her wandering hands in his own and frantically exclaimed, "We have the entire day before us. Let's go scuba diving!" Bella latched onto his head with both hands and planted an amazing kiss that curled his toes. She was holding onto him by his ears, damn the minx.

"And the ball is intercepted. The referee is calling a penalty. Face mask." He heard Emmett whisper doing his best football announcer voice from afar.

He carefully set her on the floor. Bella murmured in a sultry voice, "We're _married_. No longer virgins! Stop playing hard to get. Hey why are you running? Ok, ok I see you really _want_ to go scuba diving. Can we go naked?" Bella enticingly started to untie her bathrobe. Edward intercepted both her hands and awkwardly frogmarched her to the bathroom door.

Emmett and Jasper wolf whistled in the bushes at vampire frequencies. He heard Carlisle say, "The newest Cullen definitely has spunk." Carlisle then sounded confused as Jasper and Emmett howled, "We beg to differ. This is a spunk free island."

Edward sputtered in a panicked tone, "NO! I really want to see that little blue number Alice got for you. The one with glitter and sequins."

"Well if you insist. I swear it's like your body has been invaded by Alice. I've never seen a man so determined to put clothes ON me. And what's with the fascination with glitter and sequins all of a sudden? Edward if I hadn't experienced such otherwordly bliss in your arms last night I would seriously start to wonder if you're gay." She teased.

Edward muttered to himself about being in the seventh level of hell and how this was his just desserts for living all those years alone during his rebellious phase. The only solace he found in being a Vampire at present was his inability to blush as his family cackled outside. Traitorous Jackles. He could hear the wheels of Bella's mind turning in the other room and feared what his unpredictable wife would come up with next to persecute him.

"Oh Edward!" She called.

"Yes, dearest?" He answered lovingly.

"I'm going to take a shower and shave my legs. Why don't you go out and terrorize the sharks in the ocean and give me a human moment?" His wife sang sweetly from the bathroom.

"Of course. Don't take too long," he crooned in a velvet tone, voice cracking midway, "I can't _wait_ to see you in that number."

Edward escaped the bedroom and found his brothers and father still slapping each others backs and guffawing over his misery.

"You have to help me!" he begged. "That woman is going to be the death of me!"

Meanwhile back in the bathroom, Bella waited impatiently for the sound of his exit, peeked outside the bathroom to ensure the coast was clear, and hit the speed dial on her cell phone.

"Alice? You are SO not going to believe what your moronic brother and the rest of the male Cullens are up to. Oh you already saw this? We need to go to plan B. And I want to throw in some serious payback. That man did not marry an idiot. Put Tanya on the line. Tanya, about that tutorial… I'm officially throwing down the gauntlet at the feet of Edward freaking Cullen. Do you do phone lessons? I want to make my husband beg. And suffer. Then beg some more." She furrowed her brow *foreshadowing*, rolled up her sleeves, and began to plan her vengeance.

**Please review!**


	82. Outtake Four Original Honeymoon Pt IV

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction.**

**This was the original plan I had for the honeymoon. I hope you can see why I decided not to go with it and instead posted the version that I did. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, tweets, PM's and general hilarity. Whoever rec'd this story - thank you so much!**

**Starched Shirt Edward is closing his eyes now.**

* * *

Bella kept her husband occupied for the better part of eight hours insisting he had to show her the entire island. Edward could not get over how his angel, his Bella was so attuned to his needs that it was almost as if she had read his mind. Every time he suggested going back to the cottage, Bella would chirp that she had brought water or food or sunscreen with her and that they should enjoy every minute of their honeymoon. They went snorkeling. Correction. Bella went snorkeling, Edward just watched his wife attempt to swim in that tiny sapphire bikini that didn't seem to want to stay on. It took all Edward's impressive control not to throw his wife over his shoulder and experiment with making out on the beach. Too sandy. He didn't want Bella's skin to be chafed. That could hurt. Not to mention be uncomfortable in certain delicate regions. Edward decided that he was the soul of consideration and discretion to boot.

Bella was in the shower singing off-key when he first heard the noise of an approaching boat. The supplies had already been delivered. All his staff, not to mention his family, knew that this was his honeymoon. Even his brothers and father had left him in peace to go hunting, for crying out loud. Edward went to the window and inhaled in umbrage. It was Irina and Kate. What could his normally-more-levelheaded-than-Tanya-although-to-be-honest-that-wasn't-saying-much cousins be doing? They were crashing his honeymoon! Who did that?

"Dearest, we are about ready to have company," he grumbled.

"Oh?" Bella exited wearing this tiny lace confection. Edward simply lost the power of speech and gawped at his oblivious wife. And adjusted himself. Twice. When she totally wasn't looking.

It would not do to greet his cousins sporting a raging. . . never mind. He was already raging. This was wrong! On so many levels. He should be alone. Able to seduce his wife at will. Blast!

Bella squealed as she saw Irina and Kate leap from the boat. She clapped, "Oh, goody!"

Edward could not believe his ears. Had his wife gone mad? Wait. Don't answer that.

She wanted to have sex with a vampire while still being human. His wife had lost her mental faculties months ago. Although he loved her still.

Kate and Irina didn't bother to wait to be invited inside the cottage. They boldly pranced right into the entryway, calling, "Darling!"

"What could possibly cause them to come here?" Edward blustered.

"Oh, that was me," Bella tossed over her shoulder as she ran and greeted the women with squeals, air kisses, and compliments on their hair. Edward had no idea when Bella had become so close to his cousins. But it certainly worried him. They would corrupt his precious, sweet, innocent, chocolate orbed angel, he fretted. Besides, having two vampires around would make not quite seducing his wife all kinds of complicated. He might actually have to have Real Sex. Edward's hands started shaking. To the normal human eye this would not have been obvious.

But his cousins noticed as they called, "Oh, Edward, we came as soon as Bella summoned us! We are so happy for you two!"

Happy? Those harpies were ruining his honeymoon! Did that bring the Denali sisters joy? 'Cause he thought they were all about _having_ sex, not cockblocking. Sometimes life was so unfair.

"What are you doing here?" He whispered at vampire pitch.

"Now, now, Edward, it's not nice talking like that when your wife can't hear you. Her ears can't pick up what you just said. Why don't you repeat it for her?" Kate blinked at him. Both she and Irina were blocking whatever thoughts were percolating in their twisted, demented minds.

With a wounded expression, Bella said to her nervous husband, "What was that you just said?"

"My apologies, love. I simply asked what the two of them were doing here."

"That's no any way to welcome our guests, especially when they are doing us a favor."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Edward, I asked them to come out here."

"Why would you do that? It's our honeymoon." Edward might possibly have raised his voice.

"Do not yell at your wife. She does not deserve that tone of voice," Irina narrowed he eyes at Edward.

Sheepishly, he said, "I beg your pardon, Bella." Moderating his tone, filled with chagrin, he asked, "Why did you invite guests without telling me?"

"Because I wanted to make you happy."

"And how did you intend to do that, my dearest angel?"

Bella said, "Well, you just haven't seemed all that interested in having sex – not like I expected you to. So I thought since we've managed to do the deed, why not spice up our love lives?"

"How?" Edward was afraid of her answer.

Bella blinked coquettishly at him and said, "How about a foursome?"

"A what?" Edward squawked.

"You know, a little girl-on-girl action? I thought you might enjoy it." Bella trailed her finger across his lower lip.

He was flabbergasted. His woman really was insane. She had completely lost it. Then, the penny dropped. There was no way his cousins would go along with a plan like that.

"What is this really about?" he asked. "Why did you ask them?"

"Because I knew how reluctant you would be to get help. And I know you and Tanya have this weird history, so she suggested that Kate and Irina come to help us out.

"You talked to Tanya?"

"Of course, Edward. I talk to her all the time."

"When? We've been out here on our own for days."

"There's this nifty invention called a satellite phone. You should try it sometime. Alice gave it to me as a honeymoon gift in case I got lonely while you were hunting."

"Oh." He scratched his head and shifted from foot to foot. "Erm. Well. I still don't understand why we need help."

"Edward, I called them because we have not been honest with each other, about sex."

"We what?" His voice raised.

Irina glared.

"Erm. I mean . . .could you please explain that further, my heart's dearest?"

"You've been lying to me about having sex."

"I what?" Edward's voice broke like a little girl. His wife ignored him and continued her tirade, "and doing that Vulcan nerve pinch move that Jasper learned from his depraved friends in Mexico."

"How? What?" He spluttered.

"I took a picture of the bruises on my neck and sent them to Tanya. She explained it to me."

Edward's mouth flapped, but no sound emerged. Bella narrowed her eyes, and kept on freaking her husband out.

"Your brothers have been outside helping you along with your Dad."

"And you know that how?"

"Plane tickets and Jasper's been using his gift on me. Not hard to figure out. Their wives are with them now. I mean really, Edward, how sick is that? Clearly, you have some sort of vampire sexual issue and Kate and Irina are here to help."

"Edward," Kate soothed, "there's nothing to be embarrassed by. We're your family. We want to help you and Bella have the best sex life ever. So we've come here to help you with intimacy exercises."

"You what?" Edward back up. Right into Irina who put a cold hand on his shoulder.

"You are not going anywhere, lover boy. Strip."

Bella started taking off her clothing. Irina noticed Edward's stunned into silence pose and decided to help him out. She tore off his shirt and pants leaving him in his boxer shorts, hands clutched defensively over his groin.

That's about when Tanya walked in, wearing high heels and a black lace teddy, holding a crop, banging it against her palm and examining Edward from head to toe.

"Emmett was right about the size of his penis. Look sisters!" She pointed. "Now that is impressive. Edward, you've been holding out on us, you bad little boy."

"Thank you. I have. How did you get here?"

"Snuck on the island while you were too busy gawping at my sisters. Not hard, really. But you soon will be. We're going to help you shag your wife senseless." Edward bleated like a goat, and Tanya tsked, "My apologies for my crude language. Sisters, we are going to help Edward make love to his wife like a proper husband should."

Tanya said, "Bella take his shorts off."

Edward backed up into Irina's immovable form. "Don't be shy. We've seen it all." Edward had no doubt of that. He just didn't want to be added to the collection. Oh this was silly. He caved.

"She wouldn't listen," he panted.

"Listen to what?" Bella asked.

"I told you over and over again, that since you're my singer I could hurt you. And despite that, you kept pushing the boundaries that I had set to keep you safe and then smirking about it. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I have come close to killing you more times than you know."

"But you haven't," Bella soothed in that voice that drove him to higher levels of anger.

"See? I'm telling you right now, that I have a problem, and you are not only trying to minimize it, but you're blowing me off. Now, do you see why I faked it?"

Tanya tapped her lips. "You know that we have had lovers for centuries."

"With all due respect, Tanya, none of them were your singer. Were they?"

"No."

"And how many of those that were not your singer did you kill by accident?"

"Lots," Tanya said sadly.

"I have no experience. And she expects me to make love to her. And look at the bruises I did just from touching her!" He pointed.

Irina said, "When a vampire tells you that he has limits, Bella dear, you listen to him. You don't try to talk him out of how he feels. It only increases the pressure."

"But he hasn't killed me," Bella stamped her foot. "I'm right."

"No, Bella," Tanya shook her head, "you are not in this case. Do you know what it feels to kill someone?"

"Of course not."

"What about _almost_ kill someone?"

"Does Lauren Mallory count?"

"You did not do a thing to her," Tanya wagged a finger. You let us do the dirty work. So, almost killed anyone else lately?"

"Nope."

"Have you ever physically hurt someone that you love?"

Bella's shoulders sank, "No."

"So you really have no idea of the emotional toll that Edward feels in trying to keep you alive."

Kate said, "The first man I killed, I loved with all my heart. It took me decades to get over it. I still haven't forgiven myself. I snapped his neck by accident."

Bella started tearing up. "I'm sorry. It's just I want to be with him so badly."

"Why can't it wait?" Irina asked.

"We agreed," Bella said.

"No," Kate said, "you bargained and came to a compromise."

"Well," Bella sighed, "that, too."

Edward said, "Bella, you are my mate. If I killed you, it would literally kill me. Just putting your health in danger emotionally, I can't begin to describe how hard it is."

"Oh."

"It's not that I don't want you. Because I really, really do. I just don't want to risk losing you, not when we have forever."

"Now that, sisters, is true honesty," Tanya cooed. "I think our work here is done."

"Does that mean you're leaving?" Edward looked hopeful.

"Not yet. We have to go over and keep Rosalie, Alice, and Esme from killing their men. We'll be back here in a few hours to ensure that you two have done your homework."

"Our what?" Bella blinked. "I thought you were kidding about that?"

Tanya said, "Oh, I never kid on something that serious." She reached into a bag and pulled out two books that she put down in front of Edward. "Try this one first, it's the Kama Sutra for Nervous Virgins. I wrote it just for you."

"We will be back and expect you two to have done the exercises in the first twenty pages," Irina warned.

"You had better be naked the next time we see you. Or we'll help." Kate wagged her eyebrows at the very flustered Edward. Tanya tossed the whip to Edward and winked. And with that, the Denali sisters swept out of the room, leaving Edward and Bella gawping after them.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"No, Edward. I'm sorry. I've been kind of stubborn. I feel awful that you felt so pressured you had to result to this."

"I propose that we try these exercises."

"I agree."

And with that, Edward bent his wife over his arm and planted a searing kiss on her. There was much sighing and tearing of sheets and pillow cases. And of course, everything faded to black for them both on more than one occasion. Who knew homework could be that much fun? And maybe, just maybe, a tiny part of Edward's soul thanked God for the Denali Sisters. Not that he'd ever admit that. But still. The moon rose into the sky as Edward cradled his sated wife against his side and listened to her sleep. Life was good. And he knew that it would only get better. Now where was that whip?

**Please review! Starched Shirt Edward is waving at you. **


	83. Outtake Five Bella's Fake Diary Expanded

**I promised a satire of Bella's diary to people who reviewed last year. Well, I got to writing and attempted to send off the first one, when ff spit it back at me with excuses about word limits. Bastards. So, here is the expanded version, the one that I wanted you to see originally. Enjoy! Remember, it's not REAL, it's a joke about what CC Bella's diary might have looked like in another universe.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.

* * *

**Diary of Bella Swan – by Booksgalore**

_Let's see a page from Bella's diary. Okay fine. It's __not__ CC Bella's diary. She doesn't keep one. Alice asked her at the beginning of the HOD arc when she was hospitalized with pneumonia of she kept a journal and Bella told her no, and acted like it was the last thing she would ever do. So . . .it's a __satire__ of Bella's diary and you should take it as such. Although I have dropped one or two things in there that CC Bella really might think. _

Day 1: New boy in town, looks awfully familiar. Snooty, too. Frigid-looking sister wears too much make up. And please, they're wearing Prada, so whines the tall frigid-one in the wet weather. In Forks. Leah is hung up on some guy Sam and not returning my calls. Must play more chess. And learn how to drive rusty car Dad bought me.

Day20: Clearwaters out of town. Dad sick. Truck crash on icy road. Usual bruises and hospital stay. Boring. Nearly killing entire Cullen family beloved forgotten friends to the tribe? Not so much. I killed _Bambi_, too, and had nightmares about it. Now have a killer of a headache. Must play more chess. Send 'I'm sorry for nearly killing your four children' flowers to Mrs. Cullen. Need to get other physician, as jeez, Dr. Cullen has the coldest hands of them all. Cannot even imagine getting a pelvic from that man. Poor Mrs. Cullen. Snooty Surly Silent Cullen has a nervous quality about him and he looks at me like I'm dog dung under his shoe. I'm staying away from him and his family. That Rosalie keeps sending murderous glares at me. So I just stopped looking. At them all.

Day 25: Drove with shaking hands to school in snowstorm. Freaks me out. I think Rosalie is haunting me or something like a vampire curse, cause it hurts to breathe whenever she glares at me, and I keep dreaming about her. Weird. I keep hearing me screaming Snooty Surly Silent Cullen's name and have flashes of his face. He actually looks like he cares in the dreams, which is why I know I hit my head too hard in that crash. He's made it clear since the crash that he hates my guts. Keep having dreams where I'm chased by the head of Bambi. Got sort of real apology from mute lab partner for acting like an ass. He has this odd habit of panting on me that I am not about to stop since he smells so damn good. Must remind myself he is a vampire way out of my league. Mrs. Cullen brought me snow boots to school. I could barely look her in the eye. Talking to me now lab partner likes chess. There's hope for his personality. Can't get over how emotional I am. Jeez. Must be something in the water.

Day33: Cough cough feel sick. Wheeze. Pneumonia seriously sucks. Had strange sex dream about yummy smelling bi-polar vampire lab partner. How did my house get re-designed? *blinks* Say nothing. Must play more chess. Found out f**cking parents have been holding out on me for over a decade about my mother dropping me on my head when I was two. Seeing as I'm officially a brain damaged freak and all, I am too mad to let them know I know. Alice Cullen and Emmett were nice. Bi-Polar lab partner even deigned to speak to me, too, and his sisters swear I cried, made him pat my hair and ripped his clothes off of him. As if. Like I'm falling for that whopper. And he somehow found out about my chocolate addiction, and he keeps drugging me. Jasper looks awfully jumpy around me. Thought he was supposed to be the big bad immortal? Man's clearly got emotional issues. Rosalie and Mary Alice and Emmett are fun, when Rosalie isn't looking at me like she wants to eat me. Ephraim swore they only drank animal blood, so I'm thinking she's bi, and while that's fine with me, and she's drop dead gorgeous, I don't roll that way. Must plan, "I'm just not that into you," speech for Rosalie. Maybe I should hit on her brother? Never mind. *blinks* How did I wake up in Edward Cullen's scrumptious smelling bed? No conversation required from me. Life is good. I have no idea why the Cullens are letting it happen, but I'm now sleeping with their son while they watch to make sure I'm still a damn virgin, which is kind of creepy. But since I get to smell him, I'm not going to complain. And I don't have nightmares as much when he's nearby. Dad must be feeling really guilty because he sent me a gift card to buy clothes. If he paid attention, he would know how much I hate shopping. Jeez. And I've got winter clothes stored at Liam's that Grandmother bought for me– I just haven't have time to go out there and get them. Only I would have a Grandmother that orders clothes years in advance due to paying a personal shopper for me. That way I don't have to enter a store. Edward is moody. Can vampires be medicated? More?

Day 42: Fake Boyfriend dug up my Grandparents' and Great-Uncle's corpses to prove they were murdered. Now _that's_ devotion. He told me they threatened Billy Black to stay away from me. There are multiple advantages to hanging with vampires. Terrorizing the murdering bastard Billy Black ranks right up there. I swear Fake Boyfriend has hair fetish. He's always stroking mine so I've taken to wearing it down to encourage this. Not that I mind. But I have other parts that could use his attention more. Being a virgin sucks. We had some trampires show up to town. How the people in Forks do not recognize vampires is beyond me. Is there something in the water that makes them supernaturally stupid? I mean come on, identical septuplets dressed like sluts parading into the cafeteria and looking at all the Cullens like they want to do them right there on the table, audience preferred. I doubt those whores can even spell the word 'chess' much less play it. Grandmother would be reminding me right now that it's not ladylike to call someone a whore – and then she'd smirk that whores charge and those women look like they get off on giving their charms away for free. I think Edward gets off on stripping while I sleep. Either that or I'm sleep-tearing his clothes off and he's too bashful to confess. I keep waking up clutching his shirts. Which is fine by me. He's got muscle definition so would certainly not mind seeing him shirtless. He keeps sending off "friend" vibes, though. Maybe he's gay. I should set him up with Erik.

Day 40: Fake Boyfriend wilted in the face of battle when Tyler asked me out. Awkward. Guess he really doesn't want to be my Fake anything anymore. Lauren Mallory hit the Vice Principal. Hard. Like gone to juvie for weeks will be in detention forever hard. Dad enjoyed driving her there in cuffs. He said he whistled the entire way. Got asked out by Fake Boyfriend. Finally.

Day44: First official date was from Hell. Fake Boyfriend is a great kisser. Well he would have been. Maybe. He's totally hot at necking. Fixed Angela and Ben up on a date. Least she'll get kissed. Edward doesn't take the truth very well. Checkmate. Oh, murdered asshole who crashed my first date. Must sharpen dagger. Had weird dream about a manta ray and a squirrel. Must lay off of pot. Not that I inhaled any. I think.

Day45: Man, Edward is a fantastic kisser. I swear to God, the earth moved. Three times. Still a virgin, dammit. Got proposed to and said yes! Had some unruly gate crashers at his place. Ouch. Saw a red-head vampire who looks like the woman in Ephraim's diary and man did she look mad. Dad got me a dog that pissed Real Fiancé off. Next day, Fiancé Rat Bastard dumped me and left town. Vampires. Figures. Crazy every last one of them.

Day 70: Throwing away chess set. Chess sucks. Why is my Grandmother talking to _everyone_ in the world but me? And what the heck is up with my family tree? It doesn't appear to fork, and they wait years to tell me by letter? That can't be good – aside from knowing I'm not biologically related to Renee. Lost ten pounds and I have no idea how as I'm always hungry and eating. Can you get tape worm in Washington State? Looked up some old friends of Liam's and found out they really were old. Like dead old. So looked up another one. His name is Sergei and he and his family moved to Forks to hang out with me. Who does that? I like them already.

Day 120: Paula's dead. I think. Harry was murdered. Funeral awful. F*cking vampires. Billy Black is sniffing around. Dad wouldn't mind if I shot him. So I'm keeping a gun handy. Asshole had the gall to take me aside after Harry's funeral and tell me that all would be well in my life if I joined his family. Sounds like a cult. Played dumb and left. One thing I can always count on is that Billy Black thinks women are ditzy. Then again I did act like Renee. I'd marry Edward Cullen or become a hermaphrodite – both options equally suck – before I ever gave Jacob Black the time of day. Tool. No paternity test needed for that one. Yeesh.

Day 249: Ditched the guards. Had argument with Jasper's crazy Ex-_whatever_. She really took a piece out of my hide. One second I was hearing voices, then everything hurt, and the next thing I know I'm seeing that bastard again in some dank cave and he's snorting my neck and ranting like a maniac with some new crew cut and anorexic vampire makeover. Asshole. I think I spit on him. And racked him twice. Need to do that again as it felt cathartic. Grandmother would definitely have approved. Everything kind of went fuzzy and new relatives are freaking creepy. If Fake Rat Bastard (FRB) thinks I'm going to play chess with him or anything else, he's crazy. Wait scratch that. He_ is_ crazy. I had a bad dream about a red room.

Day 255: Dr. Cullen says I have to sleep with Fake Rat Bastard Ex for medicinal purposes. Whatever. This family puts the "f" in freaky. Saying Fake Rat Bastard Ex looks like death warmed over, would be a compliment. As long as he keeps his hands to himself, and with Arria and her guards lurking in the room, I think he'll behave. It doesn't matter where I sleep because my life sucks. Literally. It doesn't hurt that he smells delicious and that's maybe the one good thing I have in my life right now. I'm thinking of him as arm candy to keep from beating him to death with a stick, a sharp one. Even better, we get along fine as long as he says nothing – which he fortunately is inclined to do. And I lowered my standards to play chess with him because it gives me an excuse to sit around him and inhale to my heart's content without looking like some human vampire groupie addict. That dewy-eyed look totally doesn't work on me anymore. People tend to go 'poof' into thin air when he gets mad and starts that creepy green glowing routine of his, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. Not like it's hard around him. That boy wouldn't know what verisimilitudinous meant if it bit him on the backside. Worried about Seth and Leah. Miss Harry and Sue. Lots. Have whole passel of new relatives I have to figure out who is related to whom and whether they plan on killing me, too. Great-Grandmother looks at me like she's got my marriage and children already planned out and named. Uncle Thucer is sweet. He stutters and I've been helping him with his English and he's helping me with my Oscan. Which is a fair trade. And hanging out with him keeps Fake Rat Bastard out of the room cause Uncle Thucer is bigger than Emmett. Must research speech therapy.

Day From Hell: School was bad enough with everyone staring at me for all these months, but now? Now I have f**king vampires looking down snooty noses like I'm some little beggar girl. And they freaking stare at me all the time. It's like being surrounded by 50 Fake Rat Bastards that don't smell as nice and that re-living that first day of school from last year all over again - snooty stare and all. If it weren't for the bodyguards, I swear I'd use my knife on a few of them. Lancelot from literature must not have bathed since Queen Guinevere died in the sixth century. I don't mean to be rude, but either Lancelot is hung like a mule and great in the sack, or Arthur was a dog. Fake Rat Bastard decided to throw a hissy fit in the cafeteria and embarrass me over a damn cheese sandwich. Was planning on taking medicine at nurse's office - not in front of 50 pairs of stalker staring vampires - but no, he had to ruin that, too. Mrs. Corelli is my new hero. That Jane is not bad, either. Wish I had her gift. I'd use it with impunity. Mary Alice and Rosalie looked like they plan on handing Real Rat Bastard his non-existent balls, which was hilarious. I think Emmett might beat him up if I look pathetic a second longer. Not that I would. Jasper's been staring between me and Real Rat Bastard like he's onto something – and man, does he look pissed lately. Cullen family thinks I dumped Real Rat Bastard rather than the other way around. Hilarious. I've got to find a way to get these freaking vampires off my ass. *Sniffs* Ok. Fine. Most of them.

**End of Fake Diary**

**Snarky Summary: So this is the part where I remind you that this is satire. CC Bella does not keep a journal. Man if she did, Edward would have totally found it by now. **

**Writing a multi-chaptered story – especially an odd duck like mine that is redoing the entire Twilight Saga - and posting it over a year long period is work. And patiently following it like you all have – now that's just amazing to me – especially as this is the first fiction I've written. So I wanted to send this out to thank everyone for helping me become a better writer, and doing me the honor of reading my work. Main Edward, Jugurtha, and Starched Shirt Edward are all waving at you. Bella, too.**

**Sincerely,**

**Books**


End file.
